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nautiscarader · 4 years ago

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Calm yo’ tits - a present fic for ZekkKiray

Rating: E, ladynoir/Adrinette (post-reveal), 9143 words (by notepad++ count, 8886 according to Ao3, so one of you is LYING)

Read on Ao3

contains breastfeeding, lactation and mooificated large breasts.

Now, if you look at the tags (and the word count), and you know me, you might be understandably confused and worried that I might have been possessed, hacked by a Russian bot, or simply gone mad. The last part is very likely, but it is not the reason of this fic's existence.

The fic you are about to read is a present for my buddy, ZekkKiray, a vastly superior fic writer, who on one occasion quoted my works as inspiration for his, which solves once and for all the age-old philosophical dilemma, proving that something can indeed come from nothing.

I knew, to some extent, what his favourite kinks are, which sadly, were not exactly compatible with mine. So I needed to find a fandom we both like, and where I wouldn't have to worry too much about silly things like logic or common sense.

Enter "Miraculous Ladybug".

To put it simply, this fic is a bit of crack, I tried working some elements from my personal headcanons, and it doesn't break, assuming you don't push it too hard. More importantly, though, it's a birthday crack. Happy birthday, pal!

Also, this takes place after S3 finale.

================================

Sitting tensely in her chaise-longue, Marinette eyed her tutor and a temporary enemy with a keen eye. She has taken many exams in her young adult life, but this one might have been the most important so far. She concentrated on the small, levitating creature that flew that past her head, and when Tikki revealed a card, Marinette instantly replied.

- Zaggu, gnu kwami, the hero is Ram-page, and has ability to shapeshift terrain. Strong, but not too agile. Best pair with Pegasus for optimum efficiency. - she spoke quickly. - Yes! That's the last one! - Tikki cheered, flying to nuzzle Marinette's cheek.

For the past few days, Marinette has been extensively trying to fill in the shoes of Master Fu, as the new Miraculous guardian, and she has passed her self-imposed exam with flying colours, guessing each and every Kwami Tikki has tested her with.

- Well, if there are any challenging akumas, you will surely be able to know how to dispose of them! - Tikki cheered. - I sure hope so. - Marinette smiled - But now I have to study for actual exams, Tikki.

Marinette walked to her desk, took her college textbooks and opened them, her other hand already deep in the bowl of fruit snacks she prepared beforehand, knowing of the revision session ahead of her.

- Don't you want to study with Adrien? - Tikki flew by her head - Last time you said he's helped you a lot. - I wish. - Marinette sighed dreamily at the sound of her boyfriend's name - And he did, but...

Her cheeks suddenly became slightly deeper shade of burgundy, and she shied away from her Kwami. The mere thought of her boyfriend made her instantly forget about her duties, both as a college student and as a protector of Paris. She let herself indulge in a fantasy of what could happen if the two were put together in her room, and were given a choice between studying for a very boring exam, or doing anything else... However, Marinette had to exert some self-control, and with her friend acting like a second moral compass flying next to her, she had to abandon of her daydream.

- You know, this is quite an important exam, I don't want to be easily distracted and-Adrien!

She let out a gasp when her phone buzzed, and she grabbed it to answer at once. Tikki smiled, watching as her friend melts in her chair at the sound of Adrien's voice. Something told her she's not gonna do any revisions today.

===================

In his dark lair, Hakwmoth was listening. With closed eyes, he concentrated his powers to filter out hundreds of voices, trying to find the loudest and angriest, speaking with pure rage and despair.

He heard squabbling teenagers and forgot about them at once.

He heard depressed, neglected workers and didn't give them a second chance.

He heard a man crying, pitiful and heartbroken, because of his beloved pigeo-NO, NOT HIM AGAIN, THIRD SODDING TIME THIS MONTH.

Gabriel sighed and closed the aperture overlooking Paris. Finding a good source for akuma was sometimes surprisingly difficult. So many voices, so many possible candidates. And yet, again and again, he has failed.

Gabriel stepped down into the staircase that brought him down to his office, and was not surprised to find Nathalie waiting for him.

- Anything new for me, Nathalie? - he corrected his glasses - Just one call from the office of Coco Marocco. They asked for a call-back... - Nathalie paused and dropped her formal attitude - Gabriel, is everything alright?

She gently put her hand on his shoulder, and his body twitched in an instinct to brush it off. But he restrained himself, paused and took another deep breath.

- It's sometimes so... difficult. To find a good one... - I know.

He looked back at her and gave her a rare smile, saying much more than he could have at the time.

- I'll make the call, thank you.

Nathalie left his office, never taking her eye from him as she closed the door. Gabriel sat in his chair, leaned back and dialled the number.

"Hi there! You have reached the office of Coco Marocco, the finest brand of clothing this side of the equator. For English, press One. Für Deutsch drücken Sie bitte..."

Gabriel sighed and let the voice machine continue its job.

"... for business inquiries, press 7".

Gabriel quickly pressed the number, and was welcomed with the same, lifeless, mechanical voice.

"To access your account, please input the number..."

Without thinking, Gabriel typed the eleven-digit number on the tone dial, and waited for the next step.

"We apologise. In order to access your account, you need to speak the numbers", the voicemail said.

A small vein twitched on Gabriel's forehead. He spoke each digit, loud and clear, hoping beyond hope it registered properly.

"We apologise, please say the number again."

It took him two more tries to reach the next step, and he finally heard the familiar waiting music. The second it stopped, he started speaking, but he was met with even more disappointing reality.

"Hi there! Thank you for your patience. Your call is incredibly important to us. Your number in the waiting queue is... FOURTEEN".

The mobile phone crashed and broke into dozens of pieces when Gabriel tossed it across the room, careful not to destroy the painting of his wife that hid the entrance to his observatory.

- Why does it have to be so difficult? - he grumbled - Bunch of incompetent buffoons, making the easiest of things so much more difficult-

And then, a sudden burst of inspiration, privileged only to visionaries of his calibre, has dawned on him. He quickly got up and dashed to the elevator, not noticing that the crash alerted Nathalie to peek into his room, as he was too eager to bring his plan into motion as soon as possible.

When he stepped into his lair, he was Hawkmoth again, and he knew exactly what to listen for.

=====================

The glorious weather outside taunted Nino to end his revisions early and go to the nearest park to bathe in the warm sunshine, but alas, he had to spend his day in the near-empty university library. Unable to concentrate, he took his phone and launched the app to check if the last paper has been graded, but was left with a disappointing, never-ending loading screen. He looked at the only other person in the room, sitting by the computer in the corner, and decided to break the ear-splitting silence.

- Hey dude, are the uni servers down, or something? - And when were they not? - the chubby student replied - The app constantly crashes, we can't even check anything, so I'm just loafing around.

Nino gave him - or rather his large neck - a curious look and decided to end the conversation swiftly.

- Well, at least tumblog works... - If only - his interlocutor replied, much to Nino's chagrin, without even taking his headset off - Ugh, why did they change the colour of the background again? - You okay, dude? - he looked at his freckled face, and the man gave him a contemptuous look. - Yeah. But you seem to be okay with using this sub-par version - he glanced at his phone.

Nino raised his eyebrow and glanced at his phone.

- What's wrong with that?

The man groaned.

- Ugh, where do I start? The app also never works, they haven't implemented half the features of the desktop version, they still show sponsored messages, I mean, not for me, I hacked them myself away, and the options, can you believe they dared to change the font, it's so unreadable now...

He took a sip of a drink he definitely shouldn't have been allowed to bring into the library.

- But the site is so full of idiots now, it's not even worth going there anymore. Can you believe there are people defending the new Flunkies game? They've added cut content DLCs now! All of them sheep, they will buy whatever you throw at them, and...

The guy continued to complain into what was now a Nino-shaped void, as he left quietly a minute earlier, slightly afraid that arrogance might be catching.

And he wouldn't be exactly wrong...

If Nino stayed, he would have noticed that the same window that finally tempted him to walk outside with its glorious view, became also a gateway for a dark-purple moth that landed on the student's headset, turning it into equally sinister shade.

Suddenly, the student's complaints, spoken into nothingness, fell on listening ears, and a voice spoke in his head.

- Anton, I am Hakwmoth. I have heard your eloquent delivery, and I must say, you are quite right. - I know I am - Anton replied, without missing a beat. - There are so many little things wrong with this world, and only you know how to fix them... - Yes, I wrote it all on my blog, but now they changed the tagging system, and they don't even filter by the- - The point is - Hakwmoth interrupted him - As all geniuses in history, you are underestimated. Like the Cassandra of the Greek myths, people do not believe you, despite you speaking the truth. But I can change that.

For the first time in rather long time, Anton listened, instead of talking.

- I can give you a platform to speak your wisdom, better than any social media would ever offer. I can give you the voice, and I can give you the chance to make others hear you... And to sway their views at once... - You-you can do that? - Anton asked excitedly, though remaining in his slumped pose. - Oh, yes. - Hakwmoth replied with an oily, greedy voice - All I need in return is for you to bring me Ladybug's and Chat Noir's Miraculi. They are wrong anyway, so they don't deserve them... Embrace my akuma, and rise-

Gabriel paused. He expected to feel something by now, but instead, he heard a quiet tapping.

- Are-are you typing? - Well, duh, someone is wrong on the Internet. - I was going to give you powers to do all of that a hundred times faster... - Gabriel spoke, unable to believe what he heard. - Okay, I'm done. - Anton spoke - What were you saying?

Stopping the urge to find a new herald of his will, Hakwmoth stomped in place and let the power flow through him and into his new apprentice, transforming his somewhat shaggy clothes into regal, red-and-golden attire. The chair he was sitting in merged into his body, becoming a golden, ornamented throne. And finally, the device around his head became a golden, conical-shaped object, perfectly suited for his new puppet, already fitting well in his hand.

- As I was saying... Rise, Echo Chamberlain, and correct the world, for only you know how. - I will! - the new villain spoke into his megaphone and flew out the library in his levitating chair, smashing the window to pieces.

========================

- Adrien!

Marinette jumped the last few stairs of her house and nearly tripped, but fortunately for her, she landed exactly where she wanted - in the arms of her boyfriend, meeting his lips a minute or so earlier than she planned. She smelled his trademark cologne, singed with his name, and she positively melted against his chest, blissfully forgetting about everything around her, until her mother's grunt brought her back to reality.

She jumped to her feet, fixed her hair and waved her parents goodbye, as the two walked outside for a stroll on the sunny day, with just a chance of studying in the park, in between kissing.

- How was the journey? - Marinette asked, eager to learn all about his latest business trip. - Well, nothing too out of the ordinary. I mean, for me. - he quickly added, afraid he sounded too immodest - I wish I could have brought you with me. - No biggie. I know how strict your father can be... - she leaned against his shoulder. - Hey, look, we should get some ice-cream!

Marinette eagerly pulled Adrien towards the famous André's ice-cream stand that now was parked underneath an old arch, and, predictably, has already amassed a small crowd, hungry for some cold refreshment. But as the two approached them, they heard an angry voice, dissonating with the rest.

- What do you mean you don't have chocolate chips? What kind of ice cream vendor are you? - a young woman was arguing with the poor ice-cream maker, who reacted to her anger with his usual jovial, kind behaviour. - Ah, but mademoiselle, I have other toppings, perfect for you! Brandied cherries! Candied walnuts! Peanut brittle! Or even... - he paused, before saying the next word with less enthusiasm in his voice - Sprinkles... - But I want my chocolate chips! - Excuse me. - Marinette gently addressed the angry woman - Don't you think you act a bit selfish? I'm certain André has been working so hard to bring us these phenomenal treats, it's not his fault he ran out of some of the ingredients... - Yeah - Adrien added quickly - And I think you will find some of these are as good as the one you crave, I can attest to that. - Plus, there are a lot of people waiting...

A shared murmur spread behind her, with people nodding, agreeing to Marinette and Adrien's polite reasoning. The woman sighed, and was about to accept the lesser version of her favourite dessert, but the next words she spoke left her mouth with a volume of hundreds of people.

- I WANT CHOCLOATE CHIPS!

Adrien and Marinette instinctively put their hands over the ears, and as they watched in horror, they might have just saved their sanity. Thre eyes of the people surrounding them glew with red tint, and the same people that a moment ago scoffed at the picky woman, now shouted with her.

- WE WANT CHOCLOATE CHIPS!

The two shared a concerned look, and they frantically looked around, knowing full-well it was a work of an akuma. Adrien spotted him first, a bizarre, red-and-gold man flying in his throne above their heads. They gave each other a nod and ran as far away from the crowd.

- André, run, it's an akuma! - Marinette cried, but it was too late.

The kind man now was roaring with them, demanding his own ice cream booth to give him chocolate chips, smashing it with his bare hands. Adrien and Marinette hid in an alleyway, and as soon as they could catch breath, their Kwami escaped their pockets, ready to transform them.

Two bright flashes of light later, Ladybug and Chat Noir escaped the same alleyway, following new source of cries and shouts. Ladybug shoot her yo-yo to climb onto the nearest rooftop, while Chat accompanied her onto his magical baton that propelled him into the air, so they could level with Hawkmoth's new puppet.

- You there! - Marinette shouted, gaining his attention - What are you doing to these innocent people? - And whatever it is, we are here to stop you!

The akumatised man laughed and rolled in the air in his throne.

- I am the Echo Chamberlain, and I have done nothing to them! I merely gave them the same voice I have. How dare these ice cream makers don't have the perfect ice-cream I want!

He grabbed his megaphone and spoke into it, emitting once more a deafening cry that reverberated amongst the buildings.

- People of Paris! Throw away your chains! Go to the barricades! And demand the ice-cream you want! Ha-ha-ha!

At once, the people beneath them, scared and cowering, stood up and rushed to the shops, big and small alike, chanting the same familiar phrase for their now-beloved condiment.

- You fool! - a sudden voice rang in Anton's head - I gave you the voice so you can get me Ladybug's and Chat Noir's Miraculi! - Oh, right. - he took his megaphone again - But before that, get me Ladybug and Chat Noir! They took all the chocolate chips!

Echo Chamberlain flew onto his throne, leaving Ladybug and Chat Noir with the horde of people, that now began surrounding them with his single command. The two thought that they were safe on the rooftop of the building, but the angry people began climbing each other, forming human ladders, and in matter of seconds, the two had to escape in the same way they got there to begin with.

- He's using some sort of mind control! - Ladybug spoke, when they landed on slightly taller building, though they've already heard the clatter of broken glass beneath them. - The akuma must be in his megaphone. - Chat added - Also, I never thought people like chocolate chips so much. - I don't think they do. I think he likes it, and so he makes other people like the same thing.

Ladybug took a cautious look down, spotting some people rushing away from the angry mob.

- And I think he needs to target like-minded people. Or at least those that share some form of opinion with him... - she pondered. - Great observation, but may I add one? Duck!

Chat Noir pressed Ladybug's head down as a carton full of ice-cream cones flew right through the space once occupied by her head. The two rushed to their feet again, jumping from rooftop to rooftop, escaping the swarm of zombiefied people.

- Maybe there will be fewer of them here... - Chat spoke, but he was immediately proven wrong by a sudden voice behind him. - Oh, do you think ice-cream toppings is the only thing that makes people angry?

Echo Chamberlain arose from behind the building, already aiming his megaphone at the ventilation shaft.

- How about... Mobile chargers! Don't you hate how they always get lost and get tangled?

The powerful sound wave reverberated throughout the building, and the small rooftop door quaked when a small mob of residents rushed to the top, with said chargers in their hands, ready to strangle the two. Ladybug tried sniping a few of them with precise shots of her yo-yo, but the crowd was too dense.

- My lady!

Chat Noir grabbed her and propelled themselves off the building, landing in the vicinity of the same park they were meant to not-study in. But as they landed, they were already surrounded by more hypnotised civilians, this time complaining en-masse about mosquitoes.

- There's too many of them! - Ladybug shouted, jumping onto the nearby lamp post and then onto the tree. - I mean, they aren't exactly wrong, mosquitoes are horrible... - Chat! - Ladybug scolded him - That's the problem, he is making these people aware of all those small, insignificant problems of their lives. - But everyone has those!

Chat Noir's statement suddenly sounded ominously, as the sea of multicoloured people of every race, size and age surrounded them. Each person beneath them complained about something, creating a powerful choir of cacophony.

- We need... we need something to calm them down all at once...

Marinette looked around, and suddenly, as she spotted André's destroyed ice-cream stand, she saw the bell he would rang to alert Parisians of his presence, and a smile appeared on her face.

- I know what to do! - she cheered - Follow me!

The two escaped the tree just as if it was bout to be uprooted, and the two traversed the Paris to land on an even more familiar balcony.

- Don't peek, I'm gonna change my clothes. - she gave him a quick peck as she opened the hatch door to her apartment. - I'd never think of doing that. - Chat grinned, prepared his baton and jumped to the ground to defend the Dupain-Cheng bakery from the horde of people.

Once she was inside, Marinette quickly opened her supplies cabinet. Under the multitude of sewing accessories lied the hidden, oval-shaped red-and-black object that once looked like an ancient music box. The new guardian took it and gently tapped the black spots on the Miraculous Box, and under her touch, the small drawers began opening, one by one, like petals of a flower, revealing the multitude of Miraculi inside. Each of the intricate jewels glowed with a magical light of its own, as if to invite Marinette to try them, but she already knew which one to pick.

She took a small, circular Miraculous and spoke its Kwami name, illuminating her room with calming, white light, as the small, furry creature appeared in front of her.

- There's no time to explain, I need your help. Tikki, unify!

=====================

Meanwhile, Chat was getting more and more surrounded, forcing him to jump higher and higher, hoping the crowd would follow him and not Ladybug, trying his might to defend himself with his baton from the hypnotised masses, chanting their many inconsequential complaints that made them so strong.

- The prequels suck! - The sequels suck too! - Everything sucks!

As the mob was about to grab Chat, suddenly, he felt a familiar grip around his torso and his stomach did a somersault when he was dragged upwards, away from the crowd, as Ladybug reeled him on her yo-yo as if he was a fish.

- Thanks Ladybug, your timing is impecca-

Words got stuck in Adrien's mouth as he turned his head to meet his rescuer. At first, he wasn't sure it was Ladybug, but he recognised her yo-yo and her charming smile, though they were the only familiar element of her looks that remained. Only half of her original red could be found on her new costume, and the tidy, trademark polka-dots merged into black blots against white-brown rest of her costume. But it was the accessories she was wearing that truly befuddled Chat and forced him to pursue his curiosity, even if he was to be proverbially killed for it.

- My lady...! - Adrien stopped mid-way, taking another long look at Marinette - You... Your choice of fighting style is always impawssible to predict, but... Really, a cow? - What?

Marinette looked at herself, turning in place, as if to check if she's made a mistake choosing a Kwami to merge with, but once she ascertained herself, she shot him with a stern look.

- I'm not a cow. - she spoke quickly - The Kwami, whose powers I'm borrowing, is a yak! From Tibet! - Er, my lady - Chat raised his hands in defence, trying not to stare too long at the horns that adorned her head now - With all the respect, half of your costume is white with black spots, you have a ring in your nose, and you wear a cowbell around your neck... - IT'S NOT A COWBELL! - Marinette stomped in place - It's a Tibetan singing bowl, used for meditation. The Kwami told me so. - And what was its name?

With some hesitation, Marinette looked at Chat, whose lips curled into a sly smile, somehow foreseeing the answer and using every ounce of his intelligence to prepare a comeback.

- Lhamuu... - she whispered. - Lha...MOO - Chat articulated, his smug grin becoming unbearable to look at. - Oh, shut up! - Marinette yelled - We have an Akuma to defeat. - You're right, we should get mooving.

The superheroes nodded and jumped once more into the crowd of people under the super-villain's control, a plan already forming in their heads.

===========

- What's this?

In his observatory, Hawkmoth looked through his puppet's eyes at a sight he most certainly didn't expect.

- Ladybug... is a cow. - he muttered, unable to believe his borrowed sight. - Actually, it's a yak, you can tell by the horns, they are quite common in Asia and- - Never mind that! - Hawkmoth interrupted him - Ladybug has acquired a new power! That means she's wearing two Miraculi! Get them at once! - Is it "Miraculi" or "Miraculouses"? Or does this word even have plural form? - Anton pondered - I think there was a thread on Ladyblog about it, and- - THEY CAN BE CALLED "CROISSANTS" FOR WHAT I CARE, JUST GRAB THE JEWELS! - On it.

==========

Anton's throne flew closer to the two superheroes, who kept fighting the overwhelming crowd of people. Though banking on disappointment from recent block-busters wasn't unreasonable, he decided to play on even more delicate strings. He took his megaphone and spoke one word that electrified the masses and angered them all.

- Don't you just hate... CAPTCHA?... yes, it's because of Ladybug and Chat Noir you have to solve those stupid riddles, finding fire hydrants and whatnot! Destroy them!

At once, the mass of people acting, ironically, like radio-controlled robots, roared with pure hatred and began swarming towards them climbing onto balconies, just so they can get to them. Chat took a step backwards, knowing the crowd there was equally dense. But just as he was about to secure Ladybug, she did something utterly unpredictable.

With grace and skill only she possessed, SHE jumped off the rooftop, right into the horde of people, ready to tear her apart.

- My lady!

From the rooftop, Chat watched as Ladybug landed on the plaza, and let the crowd of people encircle and approach her from every side. And though he was afraid, he also had faith in her, strengthen only by her charming smile and a wink she sent him, while the shouting mob surrounded her.

- It's time to use... The Bell of Clarity!

Marinette touched the bowl affixed to her neck, enveloping herself in a delicate, yellow light, grabbed what looked like a ring in her nose and swiftly pulled it, revealing it to have two small balls on each side, and twirled around, ending with a stylish, victorious pose. With her new weapon in hands, she reached it, and gently stroke the bowl with the metallic ring, letting its vibration travel towards their target.

A powerful sound wave surrounded her, spreading in all directions, engulfing more and more of space, finally reaching the ears of the hypnotised people. When the note rang in their minds, they stopped, appearing confused and disoriented, as they suddenly lost the connection to their master's words.

- No, no, get them, you idiots! - Echo Chamberlain shouted through his megaphone.

Marinette stroke the bowl a second time, producing a more melodious tune. The crowd of like-minded zombies became even less coordinated, much to the supervillain's anger. And when she gently began moving the ornamented metal ring across the bowl's edge, instead of producing a single note, it began singing, its soothing melody finally dispelling the charm put on the people.

- No! You have to listen to me! I am right! - Anton took his megaphone and began speaking into it again - The games now suck! The-there are micro-transactions everywhere! The-the toilet paper! It's never turned the right way around! There is product placement in movies!

But no matter how many annoying details about life - or rather lack of it - he spoke of, the crowd remained calm and peaceful, unified with the sound of Ladybug's bell, that spread across the city each time she hit it.

And just when he was about to think of some new annoyance, something hit him from behind him, and when he turned around, he saw Chat Noir, wrestling with him, his baton already locking his arms from reaching his tool of control.

- It's time to dethrone your highness! Now, Ladybug!

At once, Ladybug shoot the yo-yo, grabbing the megaphone, while Chat and Echo Chamberlain wobbled in the air, each trying to overpower the other. But as soon as Ladybug got her hands onto his prized tool of control, it was over. She broke it in half, releasing the purple akuma, she then gracefully caught with the same yo-yo.

- By bye, little butterfly... - she spoke to the purified Akuma, watching it, as it flew away. - Miraculous Ladybug!

A storm of light, radiating from her engulfed the city, repairing the damages caused by the entitled mobs. As for the Echo Chamberlain, he found himself in his regular, not-levitating chair, and only thanks to Chat Noir's strength he didn't hit the ground.

- I believe it was yours. - Ladybug handed him the headset. - Y-yeah... - Anton stuttered. - Uh, Ladybug, I... - That's okay, Anton. - she spoke calmly - We all get upset sometimes, and we all think we have all the answers. - But maybe it's better to walk outside every once in a while, and, say, have some ice cream? Regardless of toppings? - Chat Noir added, giving him equally warm smile. - Y-yeah...

The two watched as the man waddled away, pondering what his behaviour has done. Ladybug and Chat Noir looked at each other and bumped their fist with a cheerful "Pound it!".

- So, the Bell of Clarity, eh? - Chat Noir leaned against the wall, watching as his partner affixes her new accessory once more to her collar. - Jealous of my new toy, kitty? - Ladybug shot him with a mischievous grin - It has quite powerful properties, I should tell you about that some time, since I've been studying all the Kwamis and... - Nah, I was just pondering the name...

Marinette eyed him suspiciously, noticing the familiar smirk appearing on his face, about to turn into a full, unashamed grin, but when she did that, it was too late, as words already left his mouth.

- It's "Bell of Clarity"...or Clara-bell, if you will.

The Tibetan singing bowl made one last, long, pronounced note as Marinette struck Chat's head with it, putting an end to his jokes and another successful mission.

===========================

Another tune, this one of pure sorrow filled the air, as Hawkmoth roared in anger, his voice echoing in his evil lair atop the Agreste mansion.

- Preposterous! I have been defeated by a superheroine dressed like a cow! - I think she was a yak, Gabriel. - Nathalie added - SHE HAD A RING IN HER NOSE! - he yelled, slamming his fists against the floor, as he collapsed onto his knees - I HAVE A HEADACHE!

==================

Far away from Hawkmoth's prying eyes, as well as many security cameras they've learned to evade, two superheroes were celebrating another victory in a way that became almost a tradition for them. There was a time when Marinette would be utterly shocked at the mere thought of kissing in public, let alone exposing herself there, but the years of serving as a protector of Paris has changed her mind. At some point, she started treating entirety of Paris as her home, with every dark alleyway and rows of chimney that hid them from the rest of the world, and with that notion came the desire to express herself and her love in the open air. And it certainly helped that her boyfriend was a horny tomcat.

Though she would have preferred if Chat pushed her against her soft bed, she didn't mind the cold, sturdy surface of a building they were kissing against. With his relentless, but delicate caresses, there was no place on Earth where they wouldn't be feeling comfortable, and something told her she would be soon melting in his arms or underneath his body.

And Chat was especially meticulous today, as he wanted to make sure that he'd cover every millimetre of her new costume and find out if her new alter-ego changed something with her preferences regarding making love.

- Chat... - Marinette moaned and curled her toes, tightening her legs' grip around his body. - I've had you as a Ladybug...

Chat pressed her against the wall, his hand already on her crotch, and his fingers dug through the latex costume that parted underneath his gentle, yet steady caresses.

- ...then as a mouse...

She let out a short squeak, almost mimicking her timid, Multimouse persona, as he continued undressing her using his claws and teeth.

- Then as a Rena Rouge... do you remember that? - How-How could I forget? - Marinette gasped, her hands sliding up and down his slim, but muscular body - Especially since Alya was filming us...

Chat let out a deep purr of approval, letting his lips and tongue take action, as he leaned against the skin on her neck. And while he was busy peppering her skin with kisses, Marinette decided to continue diving into their memories, perhaps just so she won't have to moan in anticipation of her lover's next, carefully planned move.

- And-And do you remember when Mister Bug used Lady Noire's face? I've never thought he would be so rough... - Mhm, most certainly... - Chat purred, nibbling on her ear, both actions making Marinette's skin shiver - Turned out white goes very well with your the black mask... And, well, rest of the costume too... - Naughty kitten... - And now, I'm gonna be with you as a... - Chat paused, looking up at his lover - ...a yak. - It's fine, you can say I'm a cow. - Marinette rolled her eyes, leaning in for a kiss. - And how should I call you? - Figured you would kiss first and ask names second...

She spoke those words in somewhat croaky voice, after Chat's kiss successfully left her breathless. She tightened her grip on him and looked him in the eye, seeing the familiar, fiery spark of lust that could lead them on a predictable route.

- Yin Yak - she answered - That's the name of that-that superheroine... - Marinette paused, trying to silence herself from another surge of pleasure building up in her loins. - So, would you be Lady-yak? - Chat kissed her breasts through her costume, yearning to feel her costume splitting apart - Or Yin-bug? I have to say, I am purrplexed and confused...

Marinette cupped his face and brought his face millimetres away from hers, just so her next words could firmly root themselves into his mind.

- I will tell you how I want to be called. - she paused and without losing a bit answered - Yours.

With her words acting like a spell, Chat Noir smiled and in a single move tossed her into the air, and caught her with his arms again, letting her legs spread. And as he did so, a rip in her costume appeared, under Chat's most delicate of touches, as a final proof of Marinette's consent and her yearning for her lover. Marinette yelped when his fingers brushed the now-exposed skin underneath her partially-torn costume. In response, she yanked his bell and slid it down, finally laying her eyes on his naked, alluring body.

- It's so much easier for you... - Are you complaining about an incredibly minor inconvenience? - Chat paused - Be careful, or you're gonna get akumatised too...

They giggled and closed their eyes, preparing for a kiss, but as their lips were about to meet, Chat found that something began pushing them away. And when the two looked down, they couldn't help but gasp at the sudden development happening right in front of them.

- What the-?!

Both Adrien and Marinette stared at her chest, or more precisely, her breasts that sprung from beneath her costume, ripping it completely and showing properly how enlarged they've become. And neither of them could tell which one was more surprised of the sight that greeted them. Her usually perky, medium-sized breasts now felt like two balloons that became inflated the moment Chat parted the way of her costume, though despite their size they seemed to defy laws of physics, never truly succumbing to gravity. As if in disbelief, Chat gently cupped them, and only under his touch, Marinette could feel how much they have grown, and that they were in fact still parts of her caresses-starved body.

- They-they are huge! - Marinette gasped, stating the obvious. - Indeed they are... - Adrien licked his lips - I have to admit, I am enjoying your new superhero form more and more...

Marinette gasped when she felt Chat's breath around her nipple, even more sensitive than usual, as his lips closed around the nub, a lot bigger and more pronounced now. And while his tongue lapped around her areola, his left hand caressed her other breast, exploring the new, vast territory he was going to conquer.

As Marinette whimpered under Chat's caresses, he moved from left side of her enlarged bosom to the other, finally taking a dive between them, licking the alluring valley between the voluptuous,breasts on both sides of his face. He looked up, meeting Ladybug's widened eyes, seeing the mixture of pleasure and lingering shock in them. He gave her one final kiss, and asked sheepishly.

- My lady, I'm not doing anything wrong, am I? - Can you hear me complain? - Marinette smirked - I have no idea what happened, but keep your mouth busy, kitty.

She gently pushed his head back between her huge bosom that almost engulfed Chat's head. Suddenly, she felt his kisses everywhere across her sensitive skin, causing her to moan without any care. They were still hidden, at least partially, since she fully expected her breasts might now expand like a portable raft and take the entire space of the rooftop.

Of course, she knew why this happened. Though Chat was joking, her Kwami certainly had a few bovine traits, and her arousal must have accentuated those even more, just like Chat's claws could tear through her otherwise indestructible suit as if it was papier-mâché when his animalistic needs got over him.

As her kisses became more and more ravenous, her legs slowly gave up, and that gave Chat a chance to sneak his arms underneath her back and raise her leg up, just so his access to her dripping sex could be easier. With her left leg on his shoulder, his fingers continued the delicate dance against her pussy, while his tongue lapped at the skin around her nipples.

- Cha-Chat!

Marinette threw her head back, hoping her lover would bring her to her climax soon, and when Chat closed his lips around her nipple once more, just to contain his scream, she felt something new. An exhilarating, electrifying surge rushed through her, and at the same moment as Chat's eyes opened wide, while his fingering slowed down, though with his new discovery, she didn't exactly blame him.

Once he understood what was happening, Chat smiled and doubled his efforts, suckling on her teat, just so he could taste the delicious, sweet milk she began producing.

- My lady, you are... full of surprises... - he spoke, once he took a healthy gulp of her essence, watching as it dripped onto her large breasts.

To her bewilderment, when Chat brought his lips back to her nipple and continued suckling her milk, she felt the pleasure rising again, and with the newly found source of enjoyment, Marinette realised she couldn't think straight, especially when Chat resumed the moves of his hand again, spreading her folds.

But this time, as his muscular body came in contact with hers, it became obvious he was eager for more than simple finger play. He moved his hips in tune of her moans, sliding his exposed cock along her folds, eager to her her begging. And sure enough, once his name left her lips, he dived between her wet, soaking folds, just like his head dived into the valley of her breasts, equally leaking from anticipation.

Marinette let out another prolonged moan. Chat often made love to her this way, pressing her against walls, often just meters away from busy streets, but never before has her body changed. And now, to each of Chat's thrusts, her enlarged breasts reacted accordingly, bouncing up and down around Chat's face, though every once in a while her lover's thirst for her milk caused one of her mounds - or rather mountains - to remain in place, while he feasted on the liquid ambrosia she kept producing.

Adrien thought that he might have harder time keeping his lover up, and bouncing her with the extra baggage, but it turned out that the opposite was true. She felt lighter, giving him chance to exert a bit more pressure and dominance over his lover, much to her enjoyment. Ladybug dug her fingernails into Chat's shoulders, pushing him against the cushions of her bosom, letting his entire face stimulate her much larger and more sensitive area.

With each kiss Chat placed around her nipples came another deep thrust, reaching further and further into her yearning sex that coated his cock with her juices, only helping his cause of sliding as far as possible. And with that storm of sensation, it came as no surprise to Marinette that her mind slowly started going blank, and she began chanting Chat's name like a mantra, begging him to help her reach the peak he promised her, hearing only his grunts in return.

Their shared orgasm made their joined bodies shudder; at the same time, walls of Marinette's pussy contracted, desperate to contain Chat inside her, coating his crotch with more and more of her juices; then the torrential jets of his warm seed shot up her sex, right against her womb, filling her to the brim. And then, just when she thought she was finished, she felt a new form of warmth on her chest, when milk began spurted from her breasts, though the stream quickly found its way to Chat's mouth.

With each of Chat's final, weakening thrusts, the effects began anew, forcing her lover to switch suckling on her nipples, thirsty for her nectar, as if to use it to replenish his essence he kept flooding her with. But as their juices were leaking out, so was their strength, and even Chat's muscles had to give up at some point.

The two collapsed on the rooftop, still hidden by the shadows of the construction scaffolding, though at this point, Marinette truly didn't care if their love making has been heard, or observed by anyone; with her enormous breasts people might think it's some sort of stunt anyway. Her lips found Chat's and she tasted a new flavour, a sweet one that sent shivers down her spine, when she realised what it was, and she understood at once why Chat was so desperate to milk her.

The same flurry of kisses that drove her to her peak didn't stop, as Chat made sure to pepper her breasts with as many of those as possible, at the same time giving her ample time to recover from her equally explosive orgasm.

And as her mind, hazed by pleasure, slowly returned to reality, a new plan formed in her head, and with a quick, but difficult to pull off maneuver - a drawback of the new addition to her body - she rolled and pinned Chat to the ground, much to his surprise.

- My lady?

Chat's ears perked up when he saw her move along his naked body, leaving a trail of kisses as well as her milk along it. And when she reached her destination, she shot him with a mischievous, sly smirk that would have turn his legs to jelly if he wasn't downed already.

Her delicate fingers closed around his half-lips cock, bringing his sensitive tip to her mouth, and as her lips brushed his skin, it twitched satisfyingly in her hand, signalling he was ready again.

- You just lay there, kitty, and let me take care of you...

Marinette's soft, velvety voice, spiked with just a trace of lust worked its magic on Chat right away. Though Marinette might have been surprised by the sudden changes to her body, the superheroine adapted to them at once and decided to put them to good use. Her voluptuous, wobbly breasts engulfed Chat's hard cock, as Marinette proceeded to give her first tit-job of her life, given that now she had proper equipment for it.

As Chat got lost in her ample bosom, he threw his head back, filling the air around them with low purr of delight, followed by prolonged moan when Ladybug's mouth met with his cock's head upon her first bob. it was equally fascinating for Marinette to watch as Chat's length is enveloped by her breasts, and how she can now stimulate far more of him than when her mounds were small an perky.

She had to keep an eye on his legs that twitched with every few seconds in response to her caresses. Chat's claws closed around the nearest edges, after frantically trying to find one to push away his oncoming climax, and his slim, but muscular torso arched from time to time, in sync with Marinette pushing her massive breasts up and down.

To make things a bit varied, she slowed down her moves, replacing them with a bit of her tongue-work, much to Chat's delight. Marinette could distinguish her name being muttered by her lover, begging her to finish her love torture, but the superheroine had none of that. While she was certain Chat would love nothing more than jump to his knees and face-fuck her, she wanted to prolong his pleasure as much as she could, knowing full well of the building and boiling climax in his loins.

As her tongue ran around his head, Marinette had to steer away to taste her own body, still covered with traces of milk she was leaking, and when the same tongue returned to his tool, Chat moaned again, feeling the liquid she was mixing with his pre-cum, almost as if he could taste it again. Once more he was privileged to see how the once-shy superheroine pushed her limit of perversion with a kink neither of them expected to enjoy an hour earlier.

And it was that knowledge (combined with her dedication to bring Chat to climax, as she started bobbing her breasts up and down again), that drove Chat to his edge, turning his moans incomprehensible begging only Marinette could understand and reply to. She waited until Chat's eyes would meet her again, and spoke to him taking breaks from kissing his swollen tip ready to burst.

- You, kitty - she started - You like my milk... But I...

She pressed her hands against her breasts, wanting to completely envelop Chat's cock between her massive breasts.

- ...I prefer cream.

A loud, yet weak cry of defeat escaped Chat's lips at the same time as first rope of cum flew from his swollen tip, landing straight across Ladybug's face, forcing her to close her eyes momentarily, though she opened them a second later, just so she can marvel at Chat's virility.

Just as second rope of cum was about to decorate her face, Marinette opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue, inviting Chat to change his aim, though with his cock still engulfed by her breasts, she was much in control of the trajectory, and with some difficulties, she has managed to fill her mouth with the thick, sticky seed, getting the first sniff of the pungent and aggressive, but alluring taste and smell of her lover.

Three more streams of his cum landed in Marinette's lips, before her treatment has emptied Chat's balls, and the heroine could swallow the veritable pool of Chat's cream sitting in her mouth. She did it without breaking the eye contact with him, making sure he'd hear the guttural, gulping noises as his essence travelled down her throat, his warmth, taste and smell lingering far longer thanks to its consistency. He must have been saving for days...

But that wasn't complete end of Chat's climax; long after he stopped supplying Marinette with his seed, he withdrew from between the heavenly trap of her breasts, and another strands of his seed adorned them, prompting Marinette to perform action she wasn't able before, due to how much bigger and more supple her breasts have become. She pushed her breasts just up enough so she can lick off each and every drop of cum Chat left, as if it was the most delicious meal she wouldn't let go to waste. And the sight of expression on Chat's face was a reward already, aside of the familiar, musky aftertaste that reminded Marinette who has just marked her as his. Not to mention that as she squeezed her breast, Chat's essence mixed with her milk, adding a new taste of sweetness to his salty one.

Marinette revelled in the overwhelming storm of tastes that filled her mouth, and that indulgence gave Chat opportunity to counter-attack. Though he was pressed to the ground by her body and her breasts that now were a significant part of it, the superhero easily rolled her to her back, his head already back between her mounds, licking the milk that has managed to leak during his climax.

- I'd say that's a tie, my lady. - Of course you'd say that. - Marinette chuckled - You just want to get comfy and drink milk, and I just happen to have what you need...

In response, Chat let out a soft purr, as he nuzzled himself into Marinette's breasts, never taking eyes from his lover. Marinette reached and toyed with his untidy golden hair, and her charming smile managed to lure him from between her breasts for another long-needed kiss.

And just when she thought she would be given some time to relax, Chat Noir yanked her legs upwards, pressing them against her body, trapping her enlarged breasts between them, squishing them even more, which made them appear even larger.

- Sorry, Ladybug, but you are just too appetising to not ravish...

Marinette yelped when Chat's hard cock entered her again, and she felt Chat's delicious weight on top of her. She knew her new form would drag a very primal string in his masculine mind, and she did not object when he jumped to his feet and pushed her into a mating press, ready to engage in deeply animalistic form of love making.

His hips worked twice as hard than previously, wanting to reach as far into her throbbing, needy sex as possible, and while he was leaning over her, he was given once more chance to taste her delicious milk, each time he plunged himself inside her.

Ladybug's legs dangled above their heads, in sync of his ravenous thrusts, and as Marinette met his eyes, she had no doubts what drove him into his frenzied state. She knew that her kwami chose to make her look like a perfect mating partner, and that Chat was making sure there was enough milk for his kittens...

Their frantic bucking lasted shorter than they expected, but the same, wild thought they shared pushed them over the edge at the same time. Chat grabbed her thick thighs, buried his face between her breasts that erupted with milk, and in turn flooded her once more with his virile seed, bringing their shared fantasy to completion.

Chat collapsed on top of her, landing his head across Laybug's vast breasts, once more basking in their sweet glory. When their lips met again, they could both taste it, and the two lovers fell into a tight embrace.

The two were blissfully unaware that in the mean time the sun has gone down, but that only meant there will be less light for onlookers to catch them.

=====================

Standing by the kitchen counter, Marinette concentrated on making another batch of freshly baked sweets, so then they can be ready in an hour or so when the bakery opens. It was the quiet before the storm, but Marinette enjoyed those early morning hours... especially when she had someone to help her.

Adrien sneaked up behind his girlfriend, peppering her exposed neck with kisses, while his hands gently travelled up and down her waist, though once he saw what she's been making this whole time, his caresses stopped,and he let out a satisfying purr. On the counter lay several, hemispherical pastries, glazed in white marzipan, each adorned with a candied cherry on top, and the longer Adrien stared at them, the more he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

- Well, our adventure has certainly given you some inspiration, Marinette. Your original design? - I wish. - Marinette snickered - Those are called Saint Agatha's breasts, it's an old, Italian treat.

She handed him one, watching as his fingers dance on the shiny surface.

- It does remind me of what happened yesterday, though... - Adrien smiled, before taking a bite of the sugary coating. - I might have double-glazed them just like you did me.

Marinette brought her finger to his mouth to collect a small crumble of marzipan stuck to his lips, and predictably, her boyfriend wasn't just ravenous for sweets, as he quickly licked her finger clean too.

- Adrien! - Marinette pulled back and rushed to the sink - Warn me next time... - Okay, here's a warning..

Adrien chuckled, closing his arms around her belly once more. He sneaked his mouth to her neck, while his arms separated, each travelling closely to one of her erogenous zones. His left hand dived underneath her apron and tried getting into her panties, while the right one caressed her perky breasts, and as soon as his fingers began toying around her nipples, Marinette addressed something that has been on her mind.

- You miss them, don't you? - You know that I love you exactly the way you are... - Adrien answered tactfully - Don't lie, kitty - Marinette interrupted him. - You are, alas, only a man, therefore, I know you liked when my rack was three times the size of my current one. - Fine, if you want to, then I will say it - he kissed her neck - But just because I had more of you to love. Is it okay if I admit that I do slightly miss them? - If you'll keep finishing inside me, like yesterday, then I can assure you, you'll get them back very soon...

Marinette yelped, when his hands travelled back to her hips and spun her around in place, but once she met his face, she closed her arms behind his neck without missing a beat, just in time for his comeback.

- Is that a warning, or an invitation?

Adrien raised his brow, watching as her face reddened.

- Tell you what, I'm gonna finish in five minutes, and we might find out. - If you'll wear this apron then I will finish in five minutes... - Adrien!

#miraculust #mlnsfw #ladynoir #adrinette #lemon #nautiscaraderfics

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nonbinaryresource · 5 years ago

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I asked a question on here before, and it helped and all, but I kind of just want to explain myself more, it could just be me wanting to write it out, (post/616448402654429184). I think I’m not who I am to the rest of the world. I have vivid memories of dreaming of being reborn as a girl, of playing with my cousin��s ‘girl toys’ and having so much fun with her(1/7)

[post ref]

I’ve always had a hard time choosing a character sex in video games, while my friends chose with ease. I’ve cross-dressed before. Writing them all down, they sound trivial and inconsequential, like things that don’t matter at all. I remember having a near panic attack in middle school when I realized I would have to change in the locker room. When a character on TV would cross-dress for a joke or talk about gender, it always made me uncomfortable(2/7)

I had a friend use one of those apps to show us all as the opposite sex, and it screwed up and wouldn’t change me, in response to that, my friend called me the ‘manliest man,’ and that bothered me. Some days, I don’t think about it at all, other days I can’t think of anything else(3/7)

The final straw that made it all start, was that I was looking for a p--n comic one day, but instead found a comic that explored a woman coming to terms with the fact she was a woman, with no actual acts shown on anything, and that comic put a lot forward in the thoughts of “You don’t have to be a stereotype to be trans,” the character still loved their hobbies, they were just a woman(4/7)

I feel like I’m making this all up, and I can’t tell what is gaslighting, and what is just me coming up with a good counter to it, even with that said, I also feel like I’m just a pervert, I mean, just look at the final straw and you can probably understand my justification for this reasoning. But even with this all in mind, something keeps nudging at the back of my mind, and I don’t know how to fit it in with anything else:(5/7)

If you put a button in front of me and said “If you press this button, you will be a girl. You will never be asked why; this will be the new normality for you.” I would push that button; without a second thought. I feel like if I talk to my parents about this they’ll give me the whole ‘God knows the answer’ speech, but I’m not really religious so that doesn’t help me, but if I tell them that then I think they will hate me(6/7)

I feel like something is locked inside me, something is starting to break through, and I’m terrified of that. I’m terrified of being me, because I have pushed that ‘me’ so far down that I don’t even know what parts started here and what I added to look normal. I don’t know who I am, I don’t think I have ever let myself be me, and I don’t know how to break out without destroying everything around me. I want so badly to ask for help. I’m scared. (7/7) P.S: I’m really sorry this got so long. Thank you though, if for nothing else, giving me a way to write it out. To give an idea of how much I had to trim this down, it was originally long enough to fill 16+ ask cards. (8/7)

(For mobile users, the mod answer starts here)

Hi there! Long asks are really no problem, but we really encourage you to use the submit option if your ask is more than two or three parts not only because it’s easier on us to consolidate the ask in one place, but because that way it’s easier on you to keep track of your entire ask. But mostly, we encourage this because it’s not uncommon for tumblr to eat random asks, especially if sent close together, and we’d hate to see you type out a long question and part of it get lost to the ether! You can submit anonymously either by using a browser you are not logged into or logging out of your preferred browser. (Of course, this is harder on mobile.)

I know you wrote out this whole long ask, but I only have a few thoughts for you, as follows.

- I see you are still demeaning and dismissing your feelings. It doesn’t matter how “small” or “inconsequential” something seems. If it matters to you, then it matters. Because you matter. You are allowed to have feelings and reactions. They do not need to meet some level of “bigness” to be valid. They are important because they matter to you. If they didn’t matter, you wouldn’t give them much second thought.

- Generally, if you are arguing with yourself about your feelings, then you are self-gaslighting. Feelings do not need logically defended or reasonably explained. You do not have to apply the scientific method to your emotions or win a moderated debate about them. They are allowed to just exist with in you. If you feel them, then you feel them. Here are some steps to confronting self-gaslighting.

- “If you put a button in front of me and said “If you press this button, you will be a girl. You will never be asked why; this will be the new normality for you.” I would push that button; without a second thought.“ This... sounds like your answer. It sounds like a very loud, clear, screaming answer.

- You are not destroying anything by living as your true, authentic self. Change is often scary, but that does not mean it is inherently destructive or negative. If people react badly, they don’t sound like people who deserve to be in your life.

The Gender Quest Workbook may be a good resource to you. I also recently did this post on nonfiction nonbinary book recs. I have a feeling that many of those stories and guides may be helpful and/or comforting to you. Any trans memoirs (Janet Mock’s Redefining Realness jumps to mind) may be good for you.

Keep on keeping on.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #long post #questioning #self doubt #self gaslighting #mod tera #follow up #anonymous #ask #answered #asked #nonbinary #binarism #exorsexism #cisnormativity

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starchildrenofdustand-ashes · 5 years ago

Text

My Six The Musical Review

Once again nobody cares— BUUUT I saw SixChicago yesterday with Adrianna Hicks as Aragon, Andrea Macasaet as Bolyen, Abby Mueller as Seymour, Brittney Mack as Cleves, Anna Uzele as Parr. Here are somethings I noticed (essentially this is a rundown of everything you wouldn’t get just from listening to the album lol) ((Also im so tired and its 12.28 am and im sorry for any mistakes))

❤️💚💛💗🖤💙

👑 So before the show, they were playing a ton of pop music, but it was on an instrument that kinda sounded like a lute or harpsichord. 👑 When the Queens walked out from behind the curtain in a single file line to take their place on stage, the crowd went crazy. They all came out through a tiny crack in the curtain,, but when they belt “LIIIIVE” the curtain falls to the floor as is dragged off stage. 👑During the dance breaks in Ex-Wives, they go from dancing hip hop, to dancing with each other in a style they would’ve done back then to the beat. It was cute. 👑It was so weird hearing their accents! I’m always expecting “divooced” but it felt like they were almost emphasizing the r “ divoRRced” 👑Before Catherine of Aragon starts singing in Ex-Wives she says “Remember us from PBS??” 👑When Jane Seymour sings her bit in the song she moves Stage Left and when the Queens all say “Hey!” She looks surprised and shrugs, continuing to sing 👑Anna really played up the “JA’s” during her bit and IT WAS SO CUTE (you will find I am partial to clever, bc my gay ass is in love with her.) 👑There is so much dialogue!! After they say “Chicago!! How’re you doing tonight!!” They say we are “SIIIIX” in their harmonies and “Welcome to our divorced, beheaded, LIVE TOUR” 👑Aragon says “WE HAVE SO MUCH IN STORE FOR YOU TONIGHT— WE HAVE THE RIFFS TO RUFFLE YOUR RUFFS” before she does a really sick riff 👑A few of the other queens add on to that,, I forgot what they said but then Howard says “AND A WHOLE LOT OF HISTORY” and Parr cuts her off and says “OR AS WE SAY A WHOLE LOT OF HERSTORY” 👑then they introduce their band (who are on the stage with then) as their ladies in waiting and I was soft 👑 So then they go on to explain the deal with the show; they are all competing against each other for the crown of the “ultimate” queen based on who had to put up with the most shit from Henry 👑 When they’re going down the line to explain why they say 💛Who lasted longest was the strongest 💚The biggest sinner is obvs the winner 🖤 I have no idea what Seymour said I don’t remember DX ❤️Who was most chased is first place 💗The most glorious will be victorious 💙The winning contestant was the most protestant (but she says it so it rhymes with contestant and then all the queens look at her like ??? And she sighs and says ‘protestant’ with its correct pronunciation 👑Aragon says “How in the purgatory are they gonna choose a leading lady??” 👑”The queen to take the crown will be the one who had the biggest, the firmest, the fullest…. LOAD OF BS TO DEAL WITH FROM THE MAN WHO PUT A RING ON IT 👑There is a reprise of Ex-wives but this time they change the lyrics to “welcome to the show to the coronation” 👑💛lol Aragon cut the reprise off and was like “It doesn’t matter, because I’m the winner” and then she asked the drummer for a beat 👑💛So with the beat, Aragon begins to tell her story, and the bass is strumming the baseline for no way 👑💛”Okay, I’m thinking its… a bit weird they want me to marry my… dead husbands brother”… 👑💛So then she continues recounting the story and she says “I saw lipstick on his collar and I’m like… okAY… so now he wants to annul our marriage and moves this sidekick into mY palace and wants me in a CONVENT” and she’s on a RANT so she pauses and breathes really heavily before smiling really widely and sighing “Now… I don’t think I look that good in a wimple so I said. No. Way.” And the song starts immediately after that 👑💛Idk what else to say except that Aragon was a total badass and Adrianna Hicks was a fucking QUEEN 👑💛When she asks him to name when she’s ever caused him pain, she’s all the way upstage on the same platform/semi circle that the band is on, and she’s on her knees kinda begging kinda. She pauses for a LONG time and waits for an answer and her face is smug when she’s like “no?” 👑💛She said “I had the most to deal with AND I hit that high c so that crown is mine,” 👑The other Queens stop her and are like theres another really REALLY IMPORTANT one… the one that overlapped with you who is she?? The famous one that people actually care about!” Then they all start chanting “The one you’ve been waiting for” and the lighting turns green,, while they’re chanting, Anne Boleyn looks really confused and shrugs and walks to the back of the stage and picks up her phone 👑💚The Queens eventually say “The temptresssssss” and they hold it out like a snake “ANNE BOLYEN” and they sing this very choir like 👑💚They all turn to her and Anne is just sitting there cackling at whatever is on her phone and she’s like “ Whoops sorry,,” and Don’t loose your head starts 👑💚Andrea Macasaet has SUCH a high pitched voice she was absolutely ADORABLE 👑💚When she said “get ahead” she smirked and everyone laughed 👑💚Instead of her voice going down on “Pret a Manger,” it got even higher almost In a mocking French accent. 👑💚She is pissing Aragon the fuck off this entire song lol 👑💚When she says “Are you blind??” She gestures between she and Aragon 👑💚 “What was I meant to do?” Is sung like a confused toddler lol 👑💚 So the bit where they play the wedding song, all the queens bow to her and she walks past, smiling and waving and she gets to the end of the line and is like “Hold up,, let me tell you how it went down HENRY’S OUT EVERY NIGHT …. Etc” 👑💚”Bro just shut up!” Instead of mate 👑💚She even asks the band what was she meant to do, and everyone is repeating her and she screams “OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY HE REALLY WANTS TO CUT MY HEAD OFF” 👑💚and then she grins again after a long silence and she’s all smug like “I guess he really liked my head…..” While kinda licking her lips lol 👑💚DEAR GOD HER RIFFS JESUS FUCKING HREHTTLTURHGUEHURL 👑💚And she was like “yeah… that was such a weekend… I like died… and it was so extra! So im clearly the winner. So now, I have to sing a song I wrote when I found out that Catherine of Aragon had died. Its called WEAR YELLOW TO A FUNERAL SING IF YOU KNOW THE WORDS. And the bass came in and Boleyn sings “Catherine was a massive C-” and the other Queens immediately shut her up 👑Aragon and Boleyn start arguing until Seymour is like “its my turn now…” 👑Everyone looks at het before they burst out laughing, telling her ‘bye’ and ‘girl, please’ 👑And Seymour is like yeah,, I was in love and I was really really lucky. 👑🖤 And Seymour goes into this really heartbreaking monologue about how she missed her songs future and how she had a picture of her family. She said that Henry was really sweet and that she loved him 👑Boleyn cuts her off and is like “yeahhhh,, there was this one really cute time where he, like, cut my head off :) 👑🖤Seymour said that Aragon and Boleyn were badasses. Then she said that she promised to always stay by his side and didn’t yell at him back like the other two because she loved him. Then she dedicated the song to him 👑🖤Heart of Stone started and honestly,,, its not my favorite song and I usually skip it. But mY GOODNESS. Abby Mueller is a fucking goddess wow. The amount of control she has on her voice is astounding 👑🖤(fun fact abt me— I have perfect pitch lol) they pitch changed it into A major and it transposes into B major which was SO BEAUTIFUL. It made me actually like the song lol 👑🖤Its not really eventful,, she just stands in the middle of the stage. 👑Seymour is like,, “what hurts more than a broken heart?” And Boleyn is like “A chopped off head” 👑Almost immediately after it transfers to Cleves and she’s like “soo he’s running out of options in England he had to expand his fields and adjust his location settings to find his next queen. We are Heading to Germany where he got the help of Han….. 👑At some point during the song, the other queens ran off stage to get their glasses and ruffs 👑They all run back on stage in their glasses and ruffs (Cleves still hasn’t said his last name yet) and they all whisper “Holbien” 👑WELCOME TO THE HOUSE 👑lol this song is SO funny… and Cleves is so fucking adorable (she was flossing at some point). The dancing was so… German…it was hilarious. 👑So after the song is done,, the girls still have their ruffs and glasses on and it kinda turns into a mobile app like tinder.. 👑Basically there are two queens before Cleves and they all stand up and walk downstage as they are introduced, they smile and their picture is taken and they wait for about two seconds before Henry swipes left or right. 👑The two in front of Cleves are played by Parr and Howard. 👑After Cleves is selected their is a Holbein reprise 👑❤️The other queens run off taking the ruffs and Cleves is left on the stage sighing comically several times. She’s at the back of the stage sitting on a makeshift stone 👑❤️”Its the tragic story of a princess-educated, savvy, young- deemed ugly by an ulcer-ridden, wheezing, winkled man 20 years her senior.” 👑❤️WHATS A MORE DEVASTATING FATE THAN BEING FORCED INTO A BEAUTIFUL PALACE IN RICHMOND WITH MORE MONEY THAN I COULD EVER SPEND AND NO MAN TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH IT 👑❤️Get down is also key changed 👑❤️When she sings “I’m the Queen of the castle” she is skipping across the stage 👑❤️When she gives her fur to the footman, she actually takes off her coat and hands it to one of the queens. The crowd went crazy and she’s like “guys stop,’ and like acting all shy but secretly enjoying it-she says “Okurrrrrrrrr” . Then she’s like “AS YOU WERE” and everyone is quiet lol 👑❤️the part where it slows down and she’s like “SIT DOWNNN YOU DIRTTTY RrrrrrASCALLL” she opera sings it and I shat myself 👑❤️she uses her microphone as a lute lol 👑❤️YOU CANT (nope) STOP (nuh-uh) YOU CANT STOP ME 👑❤️At some point she squeezes her boob. I love her. 👑❤️after she kills us all by belting that last note she points to a girl in the front row and is like “YOU IN THE PINK DRESS!” and she gestures for her to stand up. And the girl stands up and they bop together with Cleves ad libbing in the background 👑❤️Eventually she says “Okay sugar this is my song, GET DOWN” 👑❤️And then after a moment of silence she’s like “So yeah it was really tragic…” 👑Aragon is like that doesn’t sound difficult at all and Ceves is like “oh… yeah.. I probably won’t win this thing… WELP BACK TO THE PALACE!” 👑the queens argue more and honestly it’s iconic 👑Seymour is yelling at Aragon and her voice is so loud and Cleves interrupts her and is like “guys,… I have the plague” and they all gasp and she’s like “HAHA JUST KIDDING MY LIFES AMAZING” they roll their eyes and Parr is like “our next queen! K HOWARD!” And everyone is like who??? 👑Aragon is like “ The least relevant Catherine,,” and Boleyn is like “Yeahhh i get it and I still don’t care,,,” 👑Howard is like “You’re right… I need all the help I can compete. What happened to you was terrible,, and so were you songs,,” Then she proceeded to roast everyone. She says “Anne you obviously had it worse I mean you lost your head……. Oh wait…..” 👑💗And then she says “but seriously Anna, getting rejected for your looks really sucks…. cant relate…I’m really hot…. So yeah. I can compete like this” or smthing and then all you wanna do starts. 👑💗At the beginning of the song the queens touch her everywhere and she leans into it willingly 👑💗Blowing the flute,, she winks at the audience and when she says C-D she puts her hand in front of her crotch and squeezes. 👑💗 “There was this guy… Francis and he asked me to be his little piece of aaaasssssss…istant! 👑💗The song goes from upbeat to upsetting very very quickly after Francis she starts to become less trusting and she gets more disoriented as the show goes on. 👑💗”Apparently men only hire women to get them into their private chamber… times were different then…” 👑💗When she says “He says we have this connection,” about Henry Seymour comes from behind her and touches her stomach — all you can see is her hand touching her sensually. She looks a little surprised and then she’s like “I guess its not so different..” 👑💗By the time we get to Thomas Culpepper she is flustered and VERY uncomfortable. The girls are all touching her now and she looks down and stares at their hand before pushing them away and finishing the end of the song. she keeps pushes them away but they keep coming back. She looks utterly heartbroken and you can see her unraveling. 👑💗THAT RIFF WAS SO GGHRSILGBRLGKJBJL 👑💗she screams “WHEN WILL ENOUGH BE ENOUGH” as they keep touching her and she fails as she pushes them away. 👑💗Eventually she gets them off but she ends up by herself on the stage with her face facing up and a dim pink spotlight is on her. 👑💗There is a chilling silence and then she’s smiling and says ‘YEAH and then I was beheaded and I won this competition!” 👑Then they get into another argument. Boleyn starts talking about how her beheading was more relevant because Henry humiliated her more and Aragon was like,,, um I won the humiliation game and she counts her mistresses 👑Then they start yelling about the miscarriages they had and Boleyn says she has three and Aragon says “You know what Anne BO-LOSER I HAD FIVE” and Parr is like “this is not okay, don’t compare miscarriages, thats hella insensitive” and they push her to the center and tell her to sing her song 👑Theres a random baseline again and Parr looks like she’s about to start singing but she stops and says,,”I’m good,” and tries to go off stage. They all accuse her of being a sore loser because she survived and knows that she had no chance of winning. 👑Parr is like,,, NO its pitting us against each other and the queens all groan and make fun of her and she’s like okay,, imma sing the song then. And Katherine Howard says “Are you sure?? Are you sure you dont want to stick to backing vocals where you belong?” 👑💙And Parr softly says “Queens take a seat,” before turning to the pianist and saying “Can you give me a Bb maj7, please?” 👑💙Parr shuts down all the queens and says her life wasn’t all rainbows because she survived. And she talks about her love tom, and I never realized that the song is a letter to tom. She starts off “Dear Tom, You know I love you boy,” 👑💙 Anna Uzele was so fucking good. And Tbh,, this is my least favorite song so I don’t remember much about the staging (I’m sorry) 👑💙Side note,, parr is such a badass and an amazing woman 👑At the end of the song, she turns to the queens and is like “without Henry we all disappear ,” and Boleyn is like “I don’t get it” and parr asks “How does anyone know who we are” and Boleyn is like “mY SiX fInGeRs-“ before Aragon cuts her off and is like “Put it away, baby” 👑Parr then asks Henry the 7 and 6’s wives names and nobody can answer. “but, when we get together as a group-“ Boleyn cuts her off and is like “EVERYONE NOTICES THAT JANE CAN’T DANCE!” “NO WE COMPARE OURSELVES” 👑when Boleyn finally gets it she explains the situation like she’s an encyclopedia and it was so funny and fast and oMG 👑”UGH if we had realized this before we started we could have done something else like make a fake competition to show everyone how messed up comparing us is and then we could reclaim our story and all become the leading ladies…” “:/ and they are all saying this dialogue its just split up and I dont remember it very well 👑IF ONLY WE HAD THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE 👑then they look at each other and smirk at the audience before reprising Parr’s song as “We don’t need your love,” 👑Which was so good bc THEY DON’T NEED HENRY’S LOVE YES 👑Then they point out “We might only be remember for marrying the same man,, but why does anyone give a sh- who he is? It’s because of his,,” then they all harmonize ’SIIIIIIX WIVES’ 👑AND WE ALL HAVE A ROYAL HAPPY EVER AFTER but Boleyn cuts Seymour off and is like “But we didn’t” 👑then they go onto explain how none of them had happy endings and they’re like,, but we can rewrite them! So they do and that leads into Six which is such a soft song. 👑Six, actually starts off very slowly. It speeds up after they say “we’re six” 👑It was such an energy ending I was speechless and gold confetti poured down on them and OMG I was shaken to my core.

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maryellencarter · 4 years ago

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So for about ten days now I've been playing around with the budgeting app Mint (along with a Google Sheets yearly budget template and a lot of manual work with a calculator, a calendar, and a succession of blank Google Docs because that's just the kind of person I am), and so obviously I have some Thoughts.

* I picked Mint because it's the budgeting app all the financial reviewers talk about, because it's run by Intuit who also own TurboTax so I knew their security and interface would be good, and because it does not come with built-in shaming over any of your ~unnecessary~ purchases.

* Mint is a free app which makes its money by offering you sponsored ads for financial products it thinks you might like, and getting paid by the advertisers when you accept one of the ads. The most intrusive location for these ads is on your dashboard, feed, whatever you want to call it, where the ad tile is required to be the third tile down and cannot be shuffled to the bottom or turned off.

* (There is also a desktop browser version, Mint.com. I have poked it very slightly but couldn't get it to do anything useful. More on that later. I don't remember noticing how the ads are arranged there.)

* The app's general design is very sleek and intuitive, what I'd expect from the parent company of QuickBooks and TurboTax. Other than the intrusive ad tile, it lets you rearrange everything however you want.

* Mint is designed around importing transactions from your bank account for you to do budgetary stuff at, so obviously security is really important, which gives Intuit an edge up on the competition because I'm already used to trusting them with my tax returns. It only seems to sync new transactions during banking hours, which for someone like me who does most of their shopping on Sunday is kind of frustrating. It also won't let you edit or recategorize a transaction till it's finished "processing" a day or two down the line. I don't know if these pitfalls are common to all budget apps but it would probably make sense if they are.

* One thing Mint does that's incredibly handy for me is it lets you put all your recurring bills in one place and even sync them with your phone calendar. I actually had to turn off the phone calendar sync because it was alerting me constantly on the day before payday when I couldn't do anything about the bill that was due on payday, but if you can find the setting to change the alert frequency it might be useful. And having a nice chronological list of what the fuck is due when, is extremely helpful to my brain, because previously I was trying to remember everything in my head and I kept losing bills.

* Going down my tiles as I have them sorted in the app, I don't have much to say about that list of transactions itself, except that you can recategorize them and split them into different categories -- which is handy if the rent included $105 late fees which you don't want befuckening your future averages, or if you bought groceries and also a barbecue lighter at Walmart, to take two recent examples.

* You cannot, unfortunately, rename or edit categories. On desktop only, you can supposedly add categories, but you cannot then use those categories in any of Mint's other functions, which really defeats the purpose. And their ideas of what categories you might need are pretty... idiosyncratic, not to say WASPy, so e.g. I'm currently categorizing Patreon income under "Reimbursement" because the other options were things like "Investment Income" and "Returned Purchase". And transfers to my savings account can either be "Credit Card Payment" or "Transfer for Cash Spending".

* (I suppose I could put my savings under "Investment: Deposit" or something similarly grandiose, but that seems like... a lot for the 31 cents rounded up from getting a pizza at Little Caesars.)

* Anyways. So then, after the obligatory ad tile, comes a nice colorful pie chart of my spending for the month, which I can open up and tab through to look at all the categories. I saw one finance blogger saying you should use the Miscellaneous category for some things rather than getting too granular, but I like seeing the little individual entries for my haircut and my cloth mask and my pharmacy copay. (That last one's going to be a more substantial pie slice now that I can actually afford to start taking most of my meds again. Turns out my prescription for diabetic test strips expired, though, so I have to get ahold of my doctor and get a new one sent over, and I'm looking skeptically at the copays. :P I've been ignoring my diabetes since January, it can wait a little longer till I'm financially caught up from COVID.)

* I can see list-style breakdowns by category and merchant, too. This is one of the few places in the mobile app that my income shows up, other than the actual paycheck transactions. The desktop version has some more places to budget projected income, but the handling is clunky as hell.

* Next up is the tile where I've been spending a lot of my time, Budgets. This is your basic "envelope method" where you create, say, a budget for haircuts and another one for groceries. Each budget has to be for one of Mint's pre-created categories, and when you have a spending transaction in that category, it puts the expense against that Budget. The desktop version has you also creating a line item for expected income in Budgets, and then becoming stroppy when you attempt to adjust parts in the wrong order, so I prefer the app which simply tells you e.g. that you have spent $900 of an allocated $1000 with an airy unconcern for whether the $1000 has arrived in your bank account yet.

* My single biggest frustration with Mint is that you cannot create Budgets based on user-created categories, nor can you delete, rename, or even collapse categories in the list. So if I go to create a new Budget for, say, "Housewares" to account for the $1 barbecue lighter I finally bought (I have large hands and a tall jar candle that has burned down farther than I can reach, okay, it was a necessity), then I'm stuck scrolling all the way up and down past "Investment: Capital Gains" and "Kids: Child Support" before finally settling on "Home Supplies" because it doesn't really seem like a "Home Furnishings".

* After Budgets comes Accounts, which just shows me my current net worth across all my accounts. I actually unlinked my savings account because it was confusing the hell out of me to see a 31-cent transfer out of checking paired with the same 31-cent transfer into savings, so this doesn't show me anything I can't get through my bank app, but if I had current credit card debt or non-retirement investment accounts it might be more useful.

* (I have not linked my 401(k) to Mint. I haven't even figured out how to get into my 401(k), either before or after it transferred to a different handler a couple months back. I feel like those are problems for a later time than "okay how much groceries can I buy and still pay the rent".)

* On the desktop version of Mint, you can also put things like your car in under your net worth as Property. I tried that, found that I both did not believe their Kelly Blue Book valuation at all (it didn't have any option to take into account "was totaled two years ago and looks it but still mostly runs") and that I find it extremely stressful to have non-liquid property listed as part of my net worth. Interesting to know. You learn all sorts of shit about yourself when you try to manage money.

* Next there's a tile that attempts to break down my "cash flow" by month. It doesn't seem to have noticed the Paypal transfers on which I was largely subsisting for the three months it was able to pull from my bank account, even though they show up fine in Transactions, so it's deeply confused about whether my cash flow is Healthy or Unhealthy. For now, with my acquisition of a second paycheck for August, it seems to have settled on Healthy. I might turn that tile off though. It doesn't really... offer much, I guess?

* I have turned off the tile that shows me my free credit score. That's a problem for a much later me. Right now I have more urgent problems, like catching up on my deferred car insurance and my deferred cell phone bill and my deferred healthcare deductions.

* You also can't turn off the tile for the Mint "Life Blog" or the one asking you to rate the app, but at least they sit at the bottom of the app as you scroll down.

* The desktop version also has an entire segment not found in the app, for "Goals", where you can supposedly put in your outstanding debts and figure out payment schedules for them. It sounds really good in principle, but I found that section of the site unworkably glitchy, on both laptop and iPad; I couldn't even get past the screen where you try to first enter one of your debts, as it required me to choose answers from two dropdowns neither of which would actually do anything. I was able to get an estimate from the "saving for a rainy day" goal, anyway, by putting in the amount of a debt and telling it I'd like to save up that much money in a year, but that's nothing I couldn't have done with a calculator and a bit of mental effort.

* Jumping back up to the top of the app, one other thing that does intermittently drive me bananas about the app is, when you put in a bill you get a dropdown where you select how often it should recur, but then it... doesn't recur. You have to manually put in the next occurrence. It's still a handy list of upcoming bills, but I actually had to resort to my phone calendar (which properly handles recurring events) to get a good visual on future months' bills.

* And because there is nowhere to put in your projected income and get a nice projection of "On X date you will have $XX in your bank account", or even better a daily graph of your expected cash flow so that you can see "yeah don't put that $300 in savings you'll need it for rent in two weeks", I've been reduced to, as mentioned above, manual daily projections through the end of the year using my phone calculator, phone calendar, Google Docs, and eventually my damn iPad drawing app (came with a Bluetooth stylus I never got working) because I couldn't find any physical graph paper.

* So. Um. Summary. I guess it's a good app? It's very sleek, it has nice charts and graphs and a good interface. But it thinks you can do a lot more with it than you can actually do. Its main uses for me are probably going to boil down to "stop forgetting bills" (the rolling list format works a lot better for my brain than the phone calendar format, even if I do have to re-enter data every time I mark a bill paid) and "finally figure out how much I spend on food really".

#budget #mint app #app reviews

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nuggetisawesome · 4 years ago

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Protect Your Browsing/Data Sharing

For free, because in this house I don’t believe in making people pay for basic human rights.

I’ve decided to share my browsing protecting tips here. Digital security is usually quite expensive, but it doesn’t have to be! In this day and age, you’ll be told to watch out for home-born hackers and ‘hacktivists’ accessing your data, but I gotta tell you, what your own governments and ISPs are doing makes this more important (aka: they’re worse).

I know with all the TIKTOK IS SPYING ON YOU stuff, a lot of my friends have come to me seeking some advice on this. This is also great if you don’t want parents checking your browsing >_> just sayin’

If anyone has questions - drop me an ask! I’ll always answer for this topic. I am also happy to ‘expand’ on one of these suggestions if they’re unclear :)

Note: This works under the assumption you have your default ISP provided router and can’t get another one for whatever reason. I will advise that if you can get an additional router, do so! Try to avoid the one the ISP has provided to you.

Additional Note: This is not ‘optimal’. There is no such thing in security – everything has a backdoor.

Let’s get cracking! This is a long, and thorough post, but I _do _have a pdf somewhere if you want it because it looks nicer :*)

Use Tor to browse.

There you go, there’s my advice leaves

https://support.torproject.org/ to Download/Install/Run.

Don’t change anything, except maybe using Tor in ‘bridge’ mode.

Okay, you can use other browsers (see: Chrome/Firefox), but they are not as secure as Tor.

USE A VPN IF YOU ARE GOING TO USE TOR! I prefer Firefox (extensions + good security)

________________________________________________________________

Install the following extensions if you have Chrome or Firefox:

Privacy Possum

Stops tracking cookies. PSA: Cookies are not evil, certain cookies can be.

Firefox: https://addons.mozilla.org/nl/firefox/addon/privacy-possum/

Chrome: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/privacy-possum/ommfjecdpepadiafbnidoiggfpbnkfbj

Ghostery

Stops tracking adverts and cookies. Why do I need this in addition to Privacy Possum? Ghostery specifically looks at tracking cookie ads. It’s like adding MOAR POWAH to Privacy Possum.

Firefox: https://addons.mozilla.org/nl/firefox/addon/ghostery/

Chrome: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/ghostery-%E2%80%93-privacy-ad-blo/mlomiejdfkolichcflejclcbmpeaniij?hl=nl

HTTPS Everywhere

Enforces HTTPS. If you look next to the URL in your browser, you’ll see the little lock which indicates the specific URL is secure and uses HTTPS. Many websites still use the old HTTP, which is not as secure and you should NEVER EVER VISIT AN HTTP SITE ITS LIKE READING A BOOK OVER SOMEONE’S SHOULDER, thank you.

Firefox: https://addons.mozilla.org/nl/firefox/addon/https-everywhere/

Chrome: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/https-everywhere/gcbommkclmclpchllfjekcdonpmejbdp?hl=nl

Adblock Plus

Foff, ads.* Firefox: https://addons.mozilla.org/nl/firefox/addon/adblock-plus/

Chrome: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/adblock-plus-free-ad-bloc/cfhdojbkjhnklbpkdaibdccddilifddb

________________________________________________________________

DNS Settings

Ideally, you should change this on your router. ISPs use a default DNS – you don’t want to use anything those bastards say you should use.

Use Cloudflare or OpenDNS:

Cloudflare is more secure overall and keeps up to standards in addition to not storing your data, whereas OpenDNS is great at avoiding malicious websites, just take your pick really 😊There are a ton of other options, feel free to google ‘free DNS servers’. Google has it’s own as well, but, yaknow, it’s Google.

Cloudflare

Primary Server: 1.1.1.1

Secondary Server: 1.0.0.1

OpenDNS

Primary Server: 208.67.222.222

Secondary Server: 208.67.220.220

Add these to your router settings:

In a browser, go to http://192.168.1.1/ or http://192.168.1.0/ (it varies per router). This will lead to your router’s configuration portal. Don’t have a router with a configuration portal? Throw it in the trash and tell your ISP they suck for giving it to you.

Login to the admin portal. If you have not configured this or set a password, try the default combinations: usernames are usually ‘admin’ or blank, the passwords are usually blank, ‘admin’, or ‘1234’.

Each router is different, navigate to where it asks for DNS values or servers, and enter the above addresses. You will see ‘Static’ near the DNS options, select it. This also ensures you’re in the right place. If you’re not sure what to do, look up the model/make of your router and check how you can change DNS.

Whilst you’re at it, change your WiFi password from the default one, and create a proper password for the WiFi portal login. If these two things are kept as default, all these protection methods are pointless as it is easy to crack your router passwords.

Can’t do this on your router because your parents are ds?* No worries! This can be done on your device! :) Yeah, I know how parents work.

Windows OS

Go to Control Panel <Network and Internet < Network and Sharing Center

Click on the link next to “Connections:”* Click “Properties” in the dialogue that pops up.

Select Internet Protocol Version 4 < Click Properties < Select “Use Following DNS Servers” < Enter the primary and secondary server addresses

Do this again for Internet Protocol Version 6 in the list.

Boom. Windows is so nice to make this easy.

Mac OS

Go to Apple Menu < System Preferences < Network

Select the Network you’re connected to

Click Advanced

Select DNS Tab

Click the + button < Enter chosen DNS < Save

Linux OS

I’m going to assume if you’re using Linux, you know how to use the terminal and are using a modern Linux system. Enter these line by line. There are many ways to do this (Google is your friend)

· sudo apt update

· sudo apt install resolvconf

· sudo systemctl status resolvconf.service (check that it is running)

· sudo systemctl start resolvconf.service (to start it, use ‘enable’ instead of ‘start’ to enable)

· sudo nano /etc/resolvconf/resolv.conf.d/head

· nameserver YOUR.DNS.ADDRESS.HERE

· nameserver YOUR.SECOND.DNS.ADDRESS.HERE

· sudo systemctl start resolvconf.service

Android

Oh yeah, you can do this on phones too wiggles eyebrows. Note, if you’re using a VPN it will lock you out of editing this. Turn it off, edit your DNS, turn it back on. This can be tricky with mobile devices that have not been jailbroken (I don’t advise doing that if you have no clue what you’re doing).

Go to Settings < Connections < WiFi

Select the gear icon next to your current WiFi

Select Advanced < Ip Settings drop-down < Static

Enter chosen DNS options under “DNS 1” and “DNS 2”

iPhone

Go to Settings < Wi-Fi

Select the arrow button next to your current WiFi

Select DHCP tab, scroll down to DNS

Select DNS, and enter your DNS servers

TEST YOUR DNS IS WORKING:

OpenDNS: https://welcome.opendns.com/ (You’ll see a “Welcome to OpenDNS” message”

Cloudflare: https://www.cloudflare.com/ssl/encrypted-sni/ (You’ll see check marks for all fields)

________________________________________________________________

Turn of WPS on router. Enable encryption on router.

If you can access your router portal, find any sort of toggle or field that says “WPS” and disable it. WPS= bad.

Wherever there is an option for WPA2 (or higher) to enable, enable it.

Enable the firewall on your router and Operating System – ALWAYS. If you disable this, you’re disabling an additional layer of security. Firewalls are confusing things and a royal pain in the ass to configure, but having the default is better than having nothing.

________________________________________________________________

Configure your browsers.

Browsers have most things enabled by default, including tracking your location, turning your microphone on etc. Let’s disable that nonsense and make them ask you for permission because it’s 2020.

I’m using Chrome as an example below because it is INFAMOUS for this. Essentially, go through your browser and scroll through settings you don’t like.

Go to the little menu icon < select “Settings”

Sign out if it’s linked to your Google account. Let’s not give Chrome a reason to track your browsing history for your account >_>* Disable EVERYTHING:

Here, I turned off everything I would find annoying except autocomplete because I’m lazy.

NICE TRY GOOGLE, YOU CANT SAVE MY CREDIT CARD. (Seriously, don’t ever EVER autosave passwords/payment info).

The trick is to balance ease of use with security. These may vary from person to person, in general though, if there’s a setting ‘ask before etc.’ select that over ‘allow’.

As a rule of thumb:

NEVER ENABLE FLASH (not even an ‘ask before’), NEVER ENABLE LOCATION (ask before is fine, but at your own risk), NEVER ENABLE CAMERA (ask before is fine, but at your own risk, use the desktop version of an application over the browser version), NEVER ENABLE MICROPHONE (same as camera)

________________________________________________________________

Additional Tipss

Check every single social media setting. You should disable anything that accesses your privacy, if possible.

Cover your camera with a sticker. Disable it unless it’s needed

Disable your mic unless you need it.

Turn off Bluetooth/NFC when you don’t need it.

Have two separate networks/Wi-Fi for smart devices and personal devices.

Always use two/multi-factor-authentication for every single app, site, device etc. that you can.

Biometrics are preferable and the usual chosen default (fingerprints, retina scan, NOT FACE OR VOICE THIS IS SO EASY TO IMMITATE BRO PICTURES ARE A THING)

SMS (try to avoid if you can, please)

App ‘token’ authentication. A good choice if done well.

Hard physical key or token. The best option (Google: Yubikey, for some information on how this works).

Passwords

I know you use the same password for everything – get a centralized password manager, and start using different ones. Examples include PasswordSafe, Keeper, Bitdefender etc. Try go for a Cloud provider, and pay a little bit for the extra security and backup. If they’re compromised, then you will know, and you’ll be able to change everything. You can tie password managers to a token too.

USE PASSPHRASES, 17 characters is a good average length, use a mix of characters, uppercase, lowercase, numbers, ascii etc.

It doesn’t matter if your password is ‘complex’, it matters if it is complex and long. Servers and computers these days are jacked up on tech steroids and can bruteforce many things, given enough time.

Anti-virus.

EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE ONE, ON EVERY DEVICE. If you have a device that can add AV, add it. This goes for phones, PCs, smartTVs, you name it.

Free versions are okay, some free ones I like are Bitdefender, Kaspersky, McAfee, Avast (hate their fihsfirstg89ewjg9srjgrd ads though).

Sorry Mac users, that belief that you don’t need one is from 2008. Windows has more security built in than Mac, which means Mac devices should 100% make sure they are adding an AV.

VPN

Ahhhhh. The great VPN. A tricky one. Most free versions I find incredibly slow, but give them a try – play around! A VPN is an excellent addition and these days, I’d argue it’s an absolute must. Many AV solutions include a VPN package with their deal. If you want to make sure those sites don’t share your data, this is the thing that will hurt the most - a good VPN will make it a jumbled mess.

Updates - just do them.

There is no complete security in this day and age – it really is just a matter of time. If you use social media, you’re traceable, be it by the company, ISP, some bored 10 year old, or your ex, your data is out there circulating. Once it’s on the internet, it’s there forever, so don’t worry too much and try to make sure it’s all complex binary trash so that they open it and go “WTF” 😊

#tiktok #security #it security #data #data privacy #private browsing #facebook #google #data theft #third party ad #ads #secure browsing #protect data

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lovemychoices · 5 years ago

Text

The Lost Prince - TRR AU [Liam x MC] Mini Series - CH.2

After being married for three years and unable to produce an heir, Liam and Riley are about to give up when Liam gets an unexpected news that changes his life forever.

Genre : Romance, Drama

*THIS SERIES PRACTICALLY THROWS CANON OUT THE WINDOW* YEET!YEET!

Characters except my OCs belong to Pixelberry, I am just borrowing them

Word count : 2000 ish

Chapter Summary: Liam finally meets his son for the first time. How will things go?

A/N : So I’m posting from my mobile because I don’t have a laptop near me and will probably be posting on my phone from now on. So just heads up since I cant put the KEEP READING option via mobile app I’m tagging this under #long post. Sorry for any grammatical mistakes I didn’t have the time to check for edits.

Warning : None... I think..

Catch up with the series HERE

Liam stands outside a Victorian style home in a suburban area somewhere in Los Angeles. He has been standing out there for about ten minutes contemplating whether this was a good idea. His thoughts brought him back to the night before.

Flashback, Cordonia.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Riley asked leaning against the door frame of their bedroom with her arms folded as she watched her husband packed his clothes into a suitcase. “I don’t understand why cant you send Hakim like you always do?”

Liam puts the last of his clothing and zipped his luggage shut before turning to his wife. “ Because they wanted to meet with me personally and nobody else. Besides ...” He began saunter towards Riley placing his hands on her shoulder before he kissed her forehead. “I need you here to look after things while I’m gone, especially since we’re expecting visitors from Auvernal in a few days.”

“If I must, as long as you promise to come back before our interview with the potential surrogates.” Riley gave a forced smile, ever since she mentioned about the whole surrogacy option her husband has been acting a little differently, like there was something he was hiding from her. She was beginning to think he was doubting her ability as his wife.

“I promise to bring you a box of cronuts from your favourite shop in New York.”

“Make that two boxes.” She grinned and tiptoed to kiss him on the lips. Not having a clue about the secret her husband was keeping from her, that he wasn’t goingu to New York for a diplomatic meeting but was traveling to LA instead to meet with the son he never knew he had.

Present day, Somewhere in the suburbs of LA

He didn’t like lying to his wife, but he had to make sure before he said anything. What if this child wasn’t his? Then he would have caused panic for nothing. But what is the child is his? How will Riley feel about raising his child? A child that wasn’t hers but from some other woman that he had been with only once. He certainly wasn’t going to abandon his own son, his own flesh & blood.

“It’s now or never Liam, you can’t stand out here forever.” He murmurs under his breath and takes a step up the front porch then rings the doorbell. The door opens and he is greeted by a woman with black hair and tanned skin, she smiles when she sees him.

“Hello, I’m….”

“Liam, I mean your Majesty. It’s so nice to finally meet you. Come right in, we’ve been expecting you.” She said opening the door and motioning him in before closing the door behind her. As he steps inside a the woman gives him a curious look. “I’m sorry to ask but did you come alone your majesty? I thought you would be coming with your wife?”

“No it’s just me. And please no need for formalities, Liam is fine.” He said and proceeds to walk through the foyer into the living area, his eyes wander across family photos hanging on the wall. “This is a nice place you have.”

“Thank you but it’s not mine, it belonged to Maya. She inherited it during her junior year at college when her parents passed away.” Her emotion suddenly solemn. “I’m sorry to hear about that.” Liam murmurs in a sympathetic tone. “Did she.. Did she have anyone else?”

Leah shakes her head. “She was an only child, didn’t have many relatives that she was close with. After they passed it was just her.. You know until she had Theon.”

His name is Theon? Liam felt his heart skip a beat when she mentioned his name. “She never married, I mean between juggling work as an corporate lawyer and being a single mom she didn’t really have the time. Theon was always her main priority.” Leah said giving Liam a sad smile. “Could you come with me? There is something I need to show you.” Liam nods and follows her into a small study, once again his eyes wanders on the interior of the room, there were a few award plaques mounted on the walls and on the shelves a few thropies.

“Those were mostly hers.” Leah mentions when she notice Liam staring at them and walks over to him. “Her parents kept all of her achievements, they were very proud of her. After that she used this room not just to place her own achievements but Theon’s as well.” She gestures to a few of the medals and throphies on the right corner of the shelf and Liam’s eyes followed. He picks up one of the gold medals in his hand which had the word First Place and Little league scoccer team engraved onto it. A small smile crept onto his lips as he did.

“Anyway this is for you.” She hands him a small velvet box and he politely takes it from her then opens it only to find 2 flash drives inside it, each with a specific label. “Maya had it made a while ago before she...”

Liam sputters. “When did she find out? That she was sick?”

“Last winter. She was ice skating with Theon when she suddenly felt the this pain in her abdomen and couldn’t get up. After she was diagnosed she never gave up even if she knew her chances were slim, she had to fight for him.”

“She sounds like a remarkable woman.” Liam praises with a weak smile, his heart suddenly felt heavy. “I wish.. I wished I could have been there for the both of them.” There were so many questions in his mind, why now? Why didn’t she seek him earlier? How long did she know his true identity? Because to his memory he didn’t tell her who he really was the night they met.

Leah places a comforting hand on Liam’s shoulder. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters. You can use the laptop if you want to see what’s on the flash drive. I’ll be upstairs with Theon if you need me.”

Liam slowly makes his way to the desk and takes a seat. He opens it up on the laptop, sticking the flash drive that was labeled To Liam into the usb port then open it. He sees a bunch of folders with labels such as Theon’s birth, Theon’s first steps, Theon’s 1st birthday and so on. He continues to scroll through till he notices a video saved as Liam. He double clicks to play the video, when it opens it shows Maya sitting in the same study in the exact same chair. She was wearing a white blouse and pearl blue scarf on her head, she looked thinner than he remembered and slightly pale but it was probably from being sick.

“Hey Liam. It’s me, Maya. I don’t know if you remember me but we met six years ago.” She blushes and shakes her head, then adjusts the scarf on her head. “Gosh this is harder than I thought. Anyway if you’re seeing this video it means that I am already dead and you probably already know about my son… Our son.”

“I want to tell you everything that happened, but where do I begin?” She murmured with her eyes downcast while fidgeting with her nails. “First of all I’m sorry for keeping this secret from you for a long time but believe me when I say, I wanted to tell you when I found out. I even went asking around all the modeling agencies in LA if they knew a Liam Devaraux only to get a no for an answer every time. It finally hit me that you must have been using a fake name. I gave up eventually and had Theon months later. I wish you could have seen him when he was born, he was the most beautiful 7 pound baby I had ever laid my eyes on.” She pauses a moment trying to hold back her tears.

“Three years later I finally found out who you really were. I was in the living room watching the news about some American waitress from New York who was about to marry a young King from a Mediterranean country. You can imagine my surprise to find out that Liam Devaraux was actually Liam Rys, King of Cordonia. I knew I should have tried to reach out to you when I found out but I just didn’t want all of this to get in the way of your soon to be happy family.”

“I wish there was another way, that things could have gone differently. Part of me sometimes wondered if I didn’t just leave that day or if I stuck around that day, would we be this actual happy family or something. But as fate has it we were never meant to be.”

“I know that this is a lot but now that I am gone, Theon doesn’t have anyone. You are the only family he has left. There are no excuse that I could say that would make you forgive me for keeping your son from you all these years. But I’m begging you do not punish him for the mistakes that I have made. I did what I thought was best back then and I’m doing this now. Theon deserves to be with his father, he deserves to be with someone who can teach him how to be kind and compassionate. And from what I’ve read about you, I know that you’ll raise him well.”

“Please tell Theon that I’m sorry and that I will always be proud of and him and that I will alway love him with all my heart even when I’m gone... Goodbye.”

Tears fell from Liam’s eyes as he finished watching the video Maya had left him, he leans on the chair with his hands cup to his mouth. How could he not have known? He takes a few minutes left in his thoughts before he finally gathers himself, adjusting the blazer for his jacket then proceeds to head upstairs. This was the moment he has been waiting for since he got the call.

Liam opens the door and see Leah sitting on the floor with a little boy. They both turn to his direction as they hear the door squeak open, Leah give Liam an encouraging smile and he nod grate fully.

She held the little boys hand and gently pulls him up with her, he looks at Liam curiously but not saying a word. “Theon this is Liam.. Liam I’d like you to meet Theon.”

Liam smiled and crouch down so his eyes we’re leveled with Theon’s. Taking in his features, the resemblance to his face when he was a child was just uncanny, of course there were slight differences his hair was a slightly darker blonde and his eyes. His eyes were just like Maya’s the way he remembered, one was blue while the other was half blue and half brown. Nevertheless he knew then and there even without a DNA test that Theon was his, he could feel it in his heart. But he knew he still need to have one done if he wanted to prove Theon’s legitimacy to the council. “Hello Theon, it’s nice to meet you.” He extends his hand, Theon looks at Leah who nods then back to Liam and shakes his hand. “That’s a firm grip you have there son.” Son.. The words just splattered out of Liam’s mouth but it somehow felt so natural.

Theon give him a weak smile. “Are you my father?” Liam felt a little caught off guard by the question for a moment, the word father was a still foreign to him. After all he didn’t know he was one until a day ago. He looks up at Leah then back at the little boy. “I... I believe so.. would that be alright?” He sputters.

Theon gives an approving nod and places one of his hands on Liam’s cheeks. “Mom said I looks my father and you kinda look like me or at least I think you do.”

Liam chuckles. “Well she got that part right. What else did she tell you?”

“She told me that you’re an important man and that your superpower is protecting your country and it’s people.” He pauses for a moment then continues. “Is it true? Do you... Do you have superpowers?”

“I have some sort of power though if it’s super or not that’s up for you decide.”

“Cool.. I guess..”He said with his eyes downcast, fidgeting with the toy in his hands. Liam noticed this and remembered that look it was the same look he had when he lost his mom. It broke his heart to think about what Theon must have been going through, no matter how old the child it is never easy losing a parent. "Theon, if something is bothering you.. you can tell me you know?"

Theon is quite for a while, it was like he wanted to say something but was too afraid to say it. “Maybe I’ll leave you two alone to catch up.” Leah said, Liam nods and she leaves the room.

Liam notice the unfinished blocks of legos Theon was playing with before he came in. “I notice you were building something earlier on.. would you like to show it to me? Maybe the two of us can work on it?” He gives a kind smile, Theon nods and leads Liam to the pile of blocks where they both take a seat on the floor and start assembling.

“So Theon, can you tell me what it is we’re building?”

“It’s a castle and it’s going to be really awesome. Mom got it for me during my birthday we were supposed to work on it together but then she got really sick and we never managed to finish it.” He said in a sad tone, his eyes downcast while his fingers fidget with the piece of lego. Tears began to fall on his cheeks.

Liam’s heartbroke, he could feel and understand the pain his son was going through after all he too lost his mother at a young age. He shifted from from where he was and sits next to Theon wrapping his one arm around him pulling him in for a comforting hug. “Hey buddy, it’s alright to feel sad and cry. You miss your mom and that’s understandable. I lost my mom when I was a kid too.”

Theon tilts his head up looking at Liam, trying to stiffle his cry. “You... you lost your mom too?”

Liam give him a weak nod. “I was a little more older than you but that doesn’t mean it hurt any less. I remember who heartbroken I was when she first passed away, I used to sneak into her quarters and lay on her bed just so I could feel her scent and fall asleep.”

“I do that too.. Do you still miss her?”

“Everyday..” He gives a weak smile. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t go on with my life and be happy. My mother would want me to be happy and so yours would too. She loves you very much Theon and she would want you to live your life to the fullest. I know right now you feel like you’re alone in the world but you’re not, you have me and I promise I will never leave you.”

Theon wipes away the tears from his face and sputters. “You.. you promise?”

Liam smiled pulling him into a tight hug. “I promise.”

*************************************************

TRR/TRH - @charliejane-blog @dcbbw @hopefulmoonobject @cmestrella @pixieferry @lodberg @traeumerinwitzhelden @romanticatheart-posts @gnatbrain @the-soot-sprite @texaskitten30 @ao719 @desiree-0816 @emceesynonymroll @jessiembruno @kinkykingliam @jlpplays1 @annekebbphotography @thecordoniandiaries @cora-nova @rainbowsinthestorm @jessiembruno @leelee10898 @rafasgirl23415 @cordonianroyalty @lauradowning29 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @msjr0119 @janezillow @heauxplesslydevoted

#the royal romance #the royal heir #trr x trh au #liam x mc #king liam #trr liam #drake walker #liam rys #playchoices #trr #trh #long post

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douchebagbrainwaves · 4 years ago

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OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT IDEAS

Object-oriented programming in the 1980s. If it can work to start a startup. Instead of building stuff to throw away, you tend to want every line of code to go toward that final goal of showing you did a lot of startups grow out of them. Already spreading to pros I know you're skeptical they'll ever get hotels, but there's no way anything so short and written in such an informal style could have anything useful to say about such and such topic, when people with degrees in the subject have already written many thick books about it. Those are both good things to be. I don't mean that as some kind of answer for, but not random: I found my doodles changed after I started studying painting. When someone's working on a problem that seems too big, I always ask: is there some way to give the startups the money, though. What would it even mean to make theorems a commodity? There seem to be an artist, which is even shorter than the Perl form.1 However, a city could select good startups.2

Tcl, and supply the Lisp together with a complete system for supporting server-based applications, where you can throw together an unbelievably inefficient version 1 of a program very quickly. Or at least discard any code you wrote while still employed and start over. But a hacker can learn quickly enough that car means the first element of a list and cdr means the rest. If an increasing number of startups founded by people who know the subject from experience, but for doing things other people want. It could be the reason they don't have any.3 An interactive language, with a small core of well understood and highly orthogonal operators, just like the core language, that would be better for programming. The more of a language as a set of axioms, surely it's gross to have additional axioms that add no expressive power, simply for the sake of efficiency.

One of the MROSD trails runs right along the fault. When you're young you're more mobile—not just because you don't have to be downloaded. The fact is, most startups end up doing something different than they planned. The three old guys didn't get it. PL/1: Fortran doesn't have enough data types. What programmers in a hundred years? Just wait till all the 10-room pensiones in Rome discover this site.4 Common Lisp I have often wanted to iterate through the fields of a struct—to push performance data to the programmer instead of waiting for him to come asking for it. It would be too much of a political liability just to give the startups the money, though. And they are a classic example of this approach. For one thing, real problems are rare and valuable skill, and the de facto censorship imposed by publishers is a useful if imperfect filter.

I'm just not sure how big it's going to seem hard. Often, indeed, it is not dense enough. If the hundred year language were available today, would we want to program in today. Of course, the most recent true counterexample is probably 1960. A friend of mine rarely does anything the first time someone asks him. As a young founder by present standards, so you have to spend years working to learn this stuff. The market doesn't give a shit how hard you worked.

You can write programs to solve, but I never have. One advantage of this approach is that it gives you fewer options for the future. Otherwise Robert would have been too late. Look at how much any popular language has changed during its life.5 Java also play a role—but I think it is the most powerful motivator of all—more powerful even than the nominal goal of most startup founders, and I felt it had to be prepared to explain how it's recession-proof is to do what hackers enjoy doing anyway. The real question is, how far up the ladder of abstraction will parallelism go? Anything that can be implicit, should be. New York Times, which I still occasionally buy on weekends. So I think it might be better to follow the model of Tcl, and supply the Lisp together with a lot of them weren't initially supposed to be startups. It's because staying close to the main branches of the evolutionary tree pass through the languages that have the smallest, cleanest cores. The way to learn about startups is by watching them in action, preferably by working at one. At the very least it will teach you how to write software with users.

Few if any colleges have classes about startups. All they saw were carefully scripted campaign spots. It might help if they were expressed that way. It's enormously spread out, and feels surprisingly empty much of the reason is that faster hardware has allowed programmers to make different tradeoffs between speed and convenience, depending on the application.6 At the top schools, I'd guess as many as a quarter of the CS majors could make it as startup founders if they wanted is an important qualification—so important that it's almost cheating to append it like that—because once you get over a certain threshold of intelligence, which most CS majors at top schools are past, the deciding factor in whether you succeed as a founder is how much you want to say and ad lib the individual sentences. This essay is derived from a talk at the 2005 Startup School. Preposterous as this plan sounds, it's probably the most efficient way a city could select good startups. Most will say that any ideas you think of new ideas is practically virgin territory. Exactly the opposite, in fact. Whatever computers are made of, and conversations with friends are the kitchen they're cooked in.7 That was exactly what the world needed in 1975, but if there was any VC who'd get you guys, it would at least make a great pseudocode.

If this is a special case of my more general prediction that most of them grew organically. Writing software as multiple layers is a powerful technique even within applications. The more of your software will be reusable. Using first and rest instead of car and cdr often are, in successive lines. Of course, I'm making a big assumption in even asking what programming languages will be like in a hundred years? It must be terse, simple, and hackable. It becomes: let's try making a web-based app they'd seen, it seemed like there was nothing to it. Both customers and investors will be feeling pinched.8

The main complaint of the more articulate critics was that Arc seemed so flimsy. That's how programmers read code anyway: when indentation says one thing and delimiters say another, we go by the indentation. You need that resistance, just as low notes travel through walls better than high ones. Maybe this would have been a junior professor at that age, and he wouldn't have had time to work on things that maximize your future options. How much would that take? It's important to realize that there's no market for startup ideas suggests there's no demand.9 You'll certainly like meeting them. It's not the sort of town you have before you try this. This essay is derived from a talk at the 2005 Startup School. I'm not a very good sign to me that ideas just pop into my head.

Notes

Dan wrote a prototype in Basic in a series A rounds from top VC funds whether it was 10.

With the good groups, just harder. Which in turn the most successful founders still get rich from a startup could grow big by transforming consulting into a great one.

There are two simplifying assumptions: that the only way to create events and institutions that bring ambitious people together. A has an operator for removing spaces from strings and language B doesn't, that's not as facile a trick as it was putting local grocery stores out of their portfolio companies. If the next one will be familiar to anyone who had worked for a really long time? One new thing the company they're buying.

If I paint someone's house, the growth in wealth in a bar. I didn't need to warn readers about, just as much the better, but they start to be about 50%. Together these were the impressive ones. Other investors might assume that P spam and P nonspam are both.

All he's committed to is following the evidence wherever it leads. The point where things start with consumer electronics.

If they're on boards of directors they're probably a cause them to keep them from the VCs' point of a press hit, but that we wouldn't have understood why: If you have two choices and one or two, and so on. But if so, or in one where life was tougher, the same reason parents don't tell the whole story. Incidentally, the switch in mid-twenties the people they want.

Trevor Blackwell points out, First Round Capital is closer to a clueless audience like that, except in the median VC loses money. Unless of course reflects a willful misunderstanding of what you care about, just those you should seek outside advice, and this trick, and so don't deserve to keep them from leaving to start or join startups. There is not much to seem big that they only even consider great people.

You also have to do it right. In every other respect they're constantly being told that they are bleeding cash really fast. Probably more dangerous to Microsoft than Netscape was.

In theory you could probably improve filter performance by incorporating prior probabilities. If you have the concept of the reason for the coincidence that Greg Mcadoo, our contact at Sequoia, was no great risk in doing a small proportion of the subject of language power in Succinctness is Power. As I was there was near zero crossover. Some urban renewal experts took a shot at destroying Boston's in the evolution of the next year they worked.

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tinylilemrys · 5 years ago

Text

Symmetry – a Reddie fic

Read it on AO3

Pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier

Rating: T

Word count: 1,814

Tags: Marriage Proposal, Fluff, Fix-It, Post-Canon Fix-It, Character Death Fix, What Could Have Been

Summary: Richie was always sure he couldn’t possibly love Eddie more than he already did, but then he would learn another of his quirks and his heart would grow another size. He had no idea how Eddie did it, but the asshole had a way of challenging everything he thought he knew about his heart.

Though he knew that the next thought that popped into his head was impulsive, there was no way he could wait anymore. Telling Eddie he was just getting something from the drawer in his nightstand, he rolled away and rummaged around for a few minutes before his hand closed around a small velvet box.

Richie used to dread coming back to his apartment every night. Though it was undoubtedly luxurious, it was mostly enormous and empty and the large windows that lined the outward-facing walls of his apartment made it him feel like he was in a reptile tank or something. Since Eddie had moved in with him, however, he hadn’t felt that way. Eddie had made it home.

The thought occurred to him as the two of them lay in bed, Eddie on his phone and Richie preparing for his next comedy special. Realising that he probably wasn’t going to get any further in the process now that he was thinking about Eddie, he set down his tablet on his nightstand and turned to watch his boyfriend tapping away on his phone.

He had sworn for years that he wasn’t the type to settle down, that no one was going to matter enough to him for that to even be an option, but he didn’t have all the facts at the time. It had taken just meeting Eddie’s eyes across the room at the Chinese restaurant for him to realise that the reason for his commitment issues was that after all these years, and despite forgetting that the man existed for a good portion of his life, he was still hopelessly in love with him. The revelation that he was married had initially come as a blow, but as the two of them talked and caught up after all the years apart, it became clear how unhappy his marriage was and something like hope began to flare up in Richie again.

There had been some brief, albeit fairly traumatic bullshit with a demon clown, but they had miraculously all survived it (even Stan, though his situation had been really touch-and-go for a while), Eddie had divorced Myra as soon as he got back to New York and now the two of them lived in Richie’s over the top LA apartment and Richie got to watch his boyfriend’s handsome and ruggedly scarred profile while he concentrated intently on whatever he was doing on his phone.

What was he doing on his phone? The incessant tapping suggested that he wasn’t texting or scrolling through any of his social media apps, so it had to be a mobile game. Shuffling closer under the guise of wanting to cuddle (though only just barely under the guise – he always wanted to cuddle Eddie), he snuck a glance at his phone and was amused to find that he was playing Tetris.

“Oh my god, you’re still playing it after all these years?” he blurts out, unable to contain his delight at this revelation.

“Shut up, it’s a classic,” Eddie retorted, eyes not breaking from his game.

“I’m not disputing that. I’m just ecstatic to finally find myself in a position where you’ll let me watch.”

“Baby, you know how much I love you, but I swear to god if you distract me and make me fuck up in the first five minutes of this round I’m going to fucking rage as you’ve never seen me rage.”

“Noted,” Richie laughed and leaned his head on his shoulder to finally, after all these years, watch him play the only game in the arcade that Eddie had ever really seemed to properly enjoy. He was never allowed to watch him play before (Eddie always said he was far too distracting), though he was starting to think that the real reason was an embarrassment at the way that he played Tetris. It was so fucking tidy. Where there was an S-tetromino on one side, there was a corresponding Z-tetromino on the other. Same with the L and J tetrominoes. The result was a complex, but perfectly balanced board.

“You play Tetris symmetrically?” He asked incredulously.

“As far as I can,” Eddie replied. His cheeks were flushed with colour.

“Doesn’t that just needlessly complicate everything? You’re just filling up your board without actually clearing anything.”

“It’s how I like doing it, alright?” said Eddie, cursing as he set down a piece in the wrong place, throwing off his symmetry.

“Ah fuck, sorry, baby. That was probably my bad,�� said Richie, pressing a small kiss to Eddie’s shoulder.

“No, don’t worry, it had to happen at some point. Once that happens, I just play the game normally. I just like challenging myself to see how long I can keep it balanced.”

Richie was always sure he couldn’t possibly love Eddie more than he already did, but then he would learn another of his quirks and his heart would grow another size. He had no idea how Eddie did it, but the asshole had a way of challenging everything he thought he knew about his heart.

Eddie was concentrating far too hard to acknowledge what Richie may or may not have retrieved from his drawer and though Richie’s heart was racing now that he knew what he was going to do in a few minutes, he watched Eddie’s game with fascination. If the high score in the corner of the screen was anything to go by, Eddie was really good and he seemed to have a sixth sense about where to put the pieces so that the pieces coming up would fit perfectly.

When he managed to completely clear his board despite the mess it had been moments before, Richie let out an impressed laugh.

“See, now and then if you’re lucky, you get a fresh start,” said Eddie, already beginning to set out his tetrominoes symmetrically again.

“I have never found you sexier than I do right now,” Richie replied without a scrap of irony.

Eddie laughed.

“I should play stupid arcade games more often.”

“You should.” He pressed another kiss to Eddie’s shoulder. “Makes you irresistible.”

“Okay, remember when we said no distractions? This is very distracting.”

“I’ll bet it is,” he said, scraping his teeth lightly over the skin he’d been kissing a moment ago and enjoying the huff of frustration he received for his efforts. “I’ll stop now though I swear.”

Though Eddie put up a good fight – even managing to best his previous high score – his game ended a few moments later and Richie’s heart kicked into high gear. Needing something to anchor him again, he kissed Eddie and revelled in the way that Eddie always kissed back with such longing and desire. There was usually nothing that Richie wanted more than to melt into that kiss, but he was still holding the velvet box and had an important question to ask.

“Hold on, babe,” he said, pulling back from Eddie. “This is great and I can’t wait to get back to it, but I first need to talk to you about something.”

He watched the concern and anxiety flash across Eddie's face and pressed a quick reassuring kiss to his forehead.

“It’s a good thing, I promise,” he said. “Firstly, this past year, having you here with me has been the best of my life. I thought when I was buying a king-sized bed I was just giving myself extra space to starfish at night. I never could have imagined us both starfishing together, or the way that you hog all the covers because you’re so small that you’re in danger of hypothermia all the time and have to protect your tiny frame with a cocoon of cosy.”

Eddie scoffed and began playing with Richie’s hair.

“I couldn’t imagine how fucking adorable I’d find you first thing in the morning when your hair is sticking up in all directions and the way you always turn and smile like you’re surprised to see me. And like shit, Eddie, for that alone you deserve way more than the amount of effort I’m about to put into this.

“The thing is, I wanted to do this perfectly because you deserve perfection, but since I’m also a messy and impulsive bitch and because the way you play Tetris is just so fucking you, this is how it’s going down.”

He opened the box and held it between the two of them. Eddie’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and though Richie began to doubt himself, there was no sense in stopping now.

“I realised, watching you play now, that I can’t live without you. Not again. And though I have no idea how to put this in any kind of eloquent way like Bill or Ben would be able to, I love you more than anything in the world and I want to spend every day for the rest of our lives proving it to you. So, Eddie Kaspbrak, would you make me the luckiest motherfucker on earth by being my husband?”

Eddie didn’t reply. Instead, he grabbed either side of Richie’s face and kissed him. It was deep and sweet and just so perfect in the way it hadn’t been with anyone else that Richie was annoyed that it had taken him as long as it had to do this. When they broke apart, Richie kissed the tip of Eddie’s nose and looked into his eyes.

“I take it that’s a yes then?”

“Yes, yes, yes, so much fucking yes,” said Eddie, letting Richie slide the ring onto his finger. “For the record, I also have a ring downstairs in my jacket pocket. I’ve been trying to find the right moment to ask you.”

“Ah fuck, I should have just let you do it. You’ve done it before,” laughed Richie, pulling Eddie close and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “If it wasn’t clear, the answer would have been yes.”

“You’re such an ass,” Eddie laughed and the two of them lay cuddled in blissful silence for a few moments before Richie laughed again.

“I can’t believe I’m going to have a husband,” he said. “I can’t believe I’m going to be a husband. What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that it was the least I could do after the number of times you’ve saved my life,” Eddie replied. “I mean it’s obvious that you have a crush on me or something.”

“Now who’s being an ass?”

And the two of them burst into peals of laughter that had very little to do with Richie’s remark and all to do with the relief and excitement that came with knowing that after all the years of pain and longing and fear and loss, the rest of their lives lay ahead of them, bright and hopeful.

And beautiful, thought Richie, pressing a kiss to the scar on Eddie’s cheek.

#reddie #richie x eddie #eddie x richie #reddie fanfic #reddie fic #reddie fanfiction #more fluff for your lives #fix it #long post

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kusunogatari · 5 years ago

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[ Naruto OC x Canon Ship Week 2020 - Face to Face ] [ @naruto-ocxcanon-ship-week || @abyssaldespair ] [ Suigin Ryū, Uchiha Obito ] [ Alcohol ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ Trope: Online Dating ]

Nibbling her lip, Ryū stares at the slight reflection in her mobile screen. Thumbs flicker over the keys, not quite touching in indecision.

This is the closest she’s gotten.

The concept, admittedly, is just...not one she ever saw herself using. Online dating seems so, so...weird! Lining up your face, your name, a handful of facts, and calling it good. Is that really all it takes anymore? Sure, she...doesn’t exactly have mountains of experience beyond that. Maybe she’s just old-fashioned. But putting up something akin to a mugshot to try and find love seems very...strange.

“Whatcha doin’?”

Eeping in surprise, she claws the phone to her chest, face going pink and heart pounding. “N-nothing!”

Behind her, a coworker she knows mostly only in passing perks a brow. “Whoa, sorry! You looked kinda, uh...distressed.”

Ryū heaves a small breath. “...sorry, I didn’t mean to jump so bad. I just, uh...I’m trying one of those silly dating websites, and…”

The other woman quickly perks up. “Oh! Yeah they’re kinda scary at first but I met my boyfriend on one! I bet you’ll do just fine. Just be smart about it, and it usually all works out fine.”

“Smart…?”

“Y’know...meet in public places, tell someone where you’re going. About the same as a normal date for those like us, huh?”

At that, Ryū can’t help but deflate. “...yeah, good point.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. People gotta have their pictures on there. I take a pic of any license plates and send them to someone I trust just in case.”

Brow wilting, Ryū admits, “You’re...not exactly giving me votes of confidence here.”

“Hey, gotta be prepared for the worst, but the worst hardly ever happens. Besides, a bit of chatting online usually gives a pretty good indication of if something will even work. And you can always ask friends to go on doubles, too.”

At that, Ryū doesn’t answer. She...doesn’t really have many friends to ask, let alone any with dates she’d feel like asking along. “Yeah, good point. I’ll, uh...I’ll see how it goes.”

“Cool! Good luck!” Giving a wave as she passes by, her coworker heads around a corner and out of sight.

“...what am I doing…” Ryū mumbles to herself, looking back to her nearly-completed account. “I know this isn’t gonna work…” And now the less appealing sides are at the forefront of her mind. Maybe she should just keep her nose to the grindstone and pretend she never brought this up.

...but then again…

As much as she hates to admit it, she’s lonely. Being a pharmacist might be similar to her wish to be a doctor, but it’s not quite what she wanted. It just feels like something is...missing. And while Ryū isn’t the sort to assume all her problems can be solved by a guy (or gal), she’s still pretty able to realize that her social life isn’t the best. No real close friends, passing grades with her coworkers...not even any pets. Up until now, she’s lived life in a series of grinds. School, then work, and now...it feels lacking.

Hence the idea to try the app.

“...no harm in looking,” she eventually mumbles to herself, slowly going through the rest of her profile and hitting the confirm button. “You don’t have to go on with it, but...just look. See how it works. Maybe just...chat with someone. One step at a time, okay?”

Of course, by then her break is nearly over, so she mutes her phone and heads back to work. She...only ate half her lunch, but she’s not really all that hungry anyway. Only once her shift is over does she head back to her little apartment and...give this thing a real try.

At first, it throws nothing but male profiles at her. Which is all well and good, but...it’s not all she’s interested in. Looking over a few names and faces, she eventually bucks up the courage to pick one. He’s a few years older, lives a town over, and works as a physical therapist. Not bad, right?

...ugh, wrong.

As soon as they start chatting, she knows this...isn’t going to work. He’s all Mister Nice Guy, subtly bragging about himself and leaving only certain questions open for her in turn: the only things he wants to hear about, and...things she can easily see through as shallow. Eventually she manages to get him to shut up and quickly deletes him.

Okay...not a great first impression, but it’s not gonna be perfect the first time she tries. This isn’t a fairytale, after all. So, she tries another. And another.

After over two weeks of duds that don’t even get past initial chats, she’s about ready to give up.

Laying on her bed spread-eagle with a sigh, she stares up at the ceiling. What started as a vague inking is turning into nothing but a source of frustration. Not exactly what she signed up for. Weighing her options, Ryū eventually stirs when her phone gives an all-too-familiar notification sound.

Another match...wonderful.

Sitting up with a grunt, she opens the message and looks over yet another profile. At first glance, it’s just another guy. Ugh. The amount of lady-seeking ladies has been depressingly low, but...apparently those are usually on their own kind of sites. So, for now, she entertains herself with this one.

Obito Uchiha...huh. Vaguely sounds like her own Japanese roots. There’s a small spark of curiosity, adjusting her stance slightly. Short dark hair, dark eyes, and...well, his pics aren’t the clearest (he clearly knows his good side (or what he’s assuming is his good side since...it’s all she sees)). But she spies a cat. That’s a win. She likes cats. A glance at his actual profile shows a like of sweets, cats (aha!), and a dislike of...aubergines? Googling that, there’s a hum of understanding. It’s eggplant! She...didn’t know that...whoops. The rest of the summary (stuff about ‘being extreme’ and ‘having abs’) gets her to giggle.

Well...might as well give it a try.

Giving the okay, she opens up the chat window, nibbling her lip in thought. What should she say…?

Hello!

A bit surprised, Ryū jolts slightly, not expecting the quick response! ...hi!

I didn’t think you’d accept it so fast!

And I didn’t think you’d say hello so quickly either!

Oh, sorry...was that too fast?

The apology begets a subconscious smile. No, not at all! My phone is usually pretty quiet is all. Sorry if I’m awkward, I’m...still kinda new at this.

Ha, me too. I haven’t had too many matches yet, so I’m still practicing.

Guess we can practice together! Though I have to ask you…

...eh?

What’s your kitty’s name?

Oh! Her name is Tenebris.

Aww, I love that name!

She’s my lady, haha! Helps me reel in the girls ;D

Ryū can’t help a snort. Well it seems to be working. I don’t have any pets, sadly…

What? None at all?

No...I work a lot so I haven’t gotten around to it. And I don’t want them to be lonely!

Bah, cats are good at being alone. Feed them and clean their box and you’re fine.

I’ll have to think about it, haha~

After a few minutes, Ryū realizes...this is the longest she’s talked to someone on here yet. Sure, it was a little stiff to start, but by some grace they just sort of...fell into conversation. No posturing or anything. It’s rather...refreshing! Encouraged, she keeps texting as she starts working on her dinner.

So what kind of work do you do?

I’m a pharmacist! Not quite the doctor I planned on, but it works.

Ohhh, wow!

What about you?

There’s quiet for a few minutes, and Ryū can’t help but wonder if that was a bad question. But then Obito replies, Sorry, my cat got stuck behind the couch...I uh...am currently working on a garbage truck part time…

She blinks. That’s...very random. Nothing wrong with that. It’s an important job, after all!

Eh, yeah...not very charming though, is it?

Oh, pffft. I stand behind a counter all day and give people medicine over and over. It’s not exactly exciting most days. We all make our ends meet somehow.

I guess that’s true.

Smiling at her phone, Ryū keeps cooking and chatting, giving play-by-plays as he asks what she’s making.

Do you like cooking?

Mhm! Food’s one of those things that’s both a necessity, and yet can be fancy when you want it to be, so...I thought it would be good to learn. And it’s a lot of fun!

I’m...okay at it.

Maybe I can give you some lessons down the road, hm?

You would?

Sure! It’d be something fun to do.

Like a first date?

At that, Ryū pauses. Right...dating. That’s what this is all for. She almost forgot… Sure! If that’s something you’d like to do. I guess dinner and a movie is pretty common for that. We’ll just make our own!

I’d really like that!

Cheeks warming, Ryū beams at the screen. I guess...it’s a date! Eventually. Whenever we can make something work, and maybe talk a little more…?

Sure! I take a lot of random side jobs so I can be a little flaky…

That’s okay - we’ll just keep chatting until then. You’re actually the first person that’s been fun to talk to…

He sends a big smile emoji. Success!

You’ll have to think about what we should make! I have to warn you, I like making dessert, too…

Oh no...my biggest weakness…

And no eggplant, right?

Eugh, no.

Haha, noted!

The conversation runs well into the evening until Ryū admits she’d best get to bed. Guess I’ll talk to you some more later, okay?

Mhm!

Say hi to Tenebris for me!

Haha, I will! Goodnight Ryū.

Night, Obito.

Checking her other messages, Ryū plugs in her mobile to charge before mulling over the evening. As she does, a smile slowly pulls at her lips.

Well, she can’t make any assumptions yet, but...this is a good start.

Chatting with Obito quickly becomes a routine. Though not much of a texter before, she checks in and quips with him throughout the day. He tells her about his latest jobs, and she notes anything out of the ordinary at work. Days blend into a week, and then two.

“So…”

“Hm?”

Leaning against the counter, Ryū’s coworker smirks. “Seems to me you hooked one, huh?”

Her cheeks flush pink. “Um...maybe…”

“You haven’t put your phone down for more than fives minutes all day!”

The pink gets darker as the other woman laughs.

“I’m glad! So, you gonna see him?”

“Yeah, eventually...I think we’re both a little nervous.”

“That’s adorable. You’ll have to let me know how it goes! Been nice seeing you look so bright lately.”

Ryū blinks. “...really?”

“Yeah. No offense, but...ever since I’ve worked here, you’ve been so quiet and to yourself. But lately you’ve just seemed more upbeat and...I dunno, out there.”

The observation admittedly takes her a bit off-guard. “...oh…”

“It’s just nice to see you look happy, that’s all. I know a job like this one’s kinda drudgy. Glad you’ve got something to keep your chin up.” With a smile, the other pharmacist straightens and heads back to work.

Still a bit struck, Ryū mulls all that over. True, she’s always been one to keep her nose to the grindstone. Maybe having a bit of a social outlet just...got her going to opening up some more.

...huh.

So...any openings in your schedule coming up?

Uh...I haven’t really checked lately. One sec!

Waiting for Obito’s reply, Ryū nibbles her thumbnail. She’s going to do it. She’s going to ask him over. By now she’s gotten to know him pretty well. She’s always been able to trust her gut, and...she believes she can trust him.

Though just in case, she’ll be letting her neighbor know when he comes to visit.

Just to be safe.

So I think I actually have Sunday clear. Does that work with you?

Yeah! I’m always on a Monday through Friday schedule, so weekends are almost always good with me!

Okay...cool!

Any idea what you wanna make?

Make?

Yeah! Remember, we talked about cooking…?

Ohhh, yeah! Uh...honestly I don’t have any preference.

You sure?

Yeah, just no aubergines.

I remember, haha.

Should I bring anything?

Nah, I’ll handle it. Though I guess if you have a movie you’d like to watch?

Ooh, okay! Uh...any you don’t like?

Maybe nothing too gory…?

Aw, that’s no fun!

I saw enough in medical school, believe me...it’s not fun.

Okay, okay. I’ll pick something.

And with a few other details hashed out...they have a date scheduled.

Ryū’s stomach can’t stop fluttering: both in excitement, and in nerves. She hasn’t really dated since college...what if she does something stupid? Offends him somehow? Or something just goes...wrong?

Okay, no, stop it. It’s gonna be fine. You’ve talked a lot, so...no need to be nervous. Just do it!

By the time Sunday rolls around, she’s as ready as she’ll ever be.

Fiddling with her hair in the bathroom mirror (can she EVER get it to do what she wants?), she jumps as someone knocks on the door. Trying to manage her nerves, she peers through the little peephole, spying what indeed looks to be Obito.

Taking a moment to steady her breath, she pulls open the door and looks up just as he looks over.

...oh.

She always thought his photo gallery on his profile was a bit...empty. At first she hadn’t really noticed that all of Obito’s photos had been taken showing one side of his face.

So only now, with him looking straight at her, does she see what he’s been hiding.

The apprehension in his face clearly shows he’s awaiting her reaction, and at first she can only blink. Eyes naturally slide to the right side where a plethora of scars mar the skin from his brow to his chin. One even reaches up into his lip.

But though it’s a surprise by novelty, it otherwise does nothing to hinder the blush in her face.

...gosh he’s handsome.

Her gaze lingers on the scars for only a moment before lifting back to his eyes, cheeks rosy and giving a demure smile. “...hi.”

“...hey.”

There’s a few beats of awkward silence, the pair of them stuck staring at each other. “...s-sorry! Um...come on in!” Ryū steps aside, going hotter in the face. A nice button-up shirt and clean jeans make him look quite snazzy. Seems her blouse and skirt wasn’t too much or too little. They hadn’t really breached any ideas about how formal to be…

Stepping in, Obito glances around before clearing his throat. From behind his back he draws a little bouquet of flowers. “Er...for you.”

Ryū’s greys alight with delight. “Oh!” It’s cliché as all hell, but she loves them. Delicately accepting the blooms, she gives them a sniff before beaming at him. “Thank you! I, er...I don’t have anything for you…”

“That’s okay! I mean, food’s good with me, heh.”

Giving a giggle, Ryū retreats to the kitchen to put them in some water, setting the vase on her little table. “There…!”

“You...have a really nice apartment!”

“Thank you...I’m always either working or tired, so I don’t manage to mess it up much,” she laughs. “I tried to make it kinda...cute. I’m not exactly an interior designer.”

“No, it’s nice. It suits you.”

That makes her go pink all over again. “...s-so! Um...are you hungry…?”

Obito gives a grin. “Always!”

“Okay! Um...I thought we’d do something a bit...basic? Just in case? Do you like spaghetti…?”

“Yeah!”

“...okay! Cool. Um…” Awkwardness creeping back up, she claps her hands and giggles nervously. “Then, I...guess we’ll give it a try!”

The pair move back into the kitchen, where Ryū already has everything sorted out and ready to go. “Wow...looks professional.”

“Oh gosh, it’s just…” She gestures vaguely. “...I wanted to be ready so we wouldn’t waste any time…” Turning on the heat under the water, she thinks to ask, “...no food allergies, right?”

“No. At least...none I’ve found…? And I’ve had spaghetti before, it should be fine, hm?”

“Okay!”

A bit stuttery at first, she starts guiding him through her process, letting him take most of the reins and acting more as a guide. Obito listens attentively, looking exceedingly focused.

...it’s adorable.

“Okay, so with the grease drained off, we can add our sauce...and once it’s all combined, that’ll be that!” She, in the meantime, worked on a salad mix. “And the garlic bread should be about done, too!”

“You make this all seem so easy.”

She flushes pink. “It...just takes practice! And you did really well!”

“I had a good teacher.”

Once it’s all finished, the pair of them ferry things to the table. “Okay...you try it first.”

“Me?”

“Mhm! You made it, right?”

Glancing to his plate, Obito twirls some noodles onto his fork, lightly pink at Ryū’s watching as he takes the bite and chews. “...it’s good!”

Beaming again, she follows suit. And it’s perfect! Mouth still full, she gives a thumbs-up, making him laugh. Between spaghetti, salad, garlic bread, and a little wine, they get through dinner with hearty conversation and increasing laughter.

“I dunno why I was so nervous,” she admits once they’re done, a cheek leaning against a fist as she twirls the last few sips of her wine. “I mean...we’ve been talking so much already. Guess I just felt kinda...out of practice. Y’know?”

“Yeah, me too. Though I try to bravado my way through things.”

“Well, we got through it. Should we play the movie…?”

“Sure!” He holds up a thumbdrive, grinning. “From my collection.”

“Oho!”

With a refill of wine, they move into the little living room of the apartment, Obito hooking up the TV and starting the film.

“What is it?”

“You’ll see!”

“Not gory, right?”

“Nooo. But...maybe a little scary.”

“Scary is okay. I like spooks. Just not lotsa blood and flesh and…” Her nose wrinkles. “...y’know.”

“Ha, yeah.”

They settle on the one couch she has, and at first sit...a little ways apart. They’d had opposite sides of the table before, and...well, this is new. But like a couple of dumb teenagers, they slowly meander their way closer, testing the other’s boundaries as they go until Ryū finds herself snuggled up against Obito’s side, head on his shoulder.

Obito, just out of her line of sight, is clearly ecstatic.

The movie starts out tame, but true to his word, it quickly takes on a rather creepy tone. Transfixed, Ryū stares at the screen, slowly worming her way further and further into the dip of Obito’s side.

...if she weren’t so focused on the movie, she’d realize that was likely his plan.

Obito, on the other hand, has technically already seen this one, and instead mostly watches for her reactions. The closer they get to a big scare, the more often he looks, biting back a grin until it finally happens -!

Shrieking in terror, Ryū scrambles for someplace to hide, and...ends up burrowing into his chest with a string of garbled, frightened nonsense as Obito does his best not to laugh.

“You okay?”

“I -! That -!” Her head shakes with a whimper, still hiding. “Nope. Nope nope nope.”

“Want me to stop it?”

“...nooo…” One grey peeks out, finding the screen a bit more bearable now. “...that was fricken’ terrifying! Ohhh my gosh!”

He just snickers, ignoring her continuing whines of discomfort. “It’s almost over, don’t worry.”

To his delight, she remains half-perched on his lap for the rest of the film. Once the credits start to creep up the screen, she loses her tension and goes limp. “...I almost had a heart attack…”

“Aw…”

“I mean it was good! But cripes, I wasn’t ready...eugh…”

Obito rubs a hand along her back, still clearly amused. “Gonna be able to sleep tonight?”

“...I better, I have work in the morning…”

He apologizes, watching as she tears herself from the couch and disappears into the kitchen. “...Ryū?”

No answer.

Brow furrowing, he makes to follow just in time to see her pull a pan out of the refrigerator. “What’s that?”

“Peach cobbler,” she sniffs, setting it on the counter and then fetching vanilla ice cream. “This is my reward for surviving your movie.”

“You’re gonna eat the whole pan?”

She shoots him a pout. “...maybe.”

He mirrors the look. “...I want some…”

“You have to promise never to scare me like that again.”

“Okay, okay. But wasn’t it at least a little fun…?”

Scooping the food into bowls, she thinks back over how nice and warm it was in his arms...and she could smell his cologne… “...maybe a little.”

They stay standing in the kitchen, leaned against the counter as they eat their dessert. Though not as lively as before, they chat in the quiet.

“So...on a scale of one to ten, how was our date?”

Ryū sucks on her spoon with a thoughtful hum. “...a nine.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Why not a ten?”

“Because you scared the bejesus out of me!” After a moment to pout, she asks, “...you?”

“A ten.”

“...really?”

“Good food, good movie...good company. What’s not to love?”

She...isn’t sure how to respond to that, so she takes another bite to excuse her silence.

“We’ll have to try cooking something else next time. Something spicy!”

“Not too spicy, it’ll make me sick!”

“Whaaat?”

“I have a delicate stomach...nothing too greasy, either.”

“That’s all the good food!” he laughs.

“It’s not my fault!”

“Fine, fine...we’ll figure something out. I’ll have to find some of my grandmother’s recipes. From Quebec.”

That earns a blink. She thought she heard traces of an accent in his voice, but didn’t want to assume. “...sure! I’d really like that.”

But eventually, the bowls and the wine glasses are empty. The movie is over. The hour is growing late.

It’s time to call it a night.

...but it’s clear neither of them really want to.

Obito offers to help tidy up, and that helps take a little more time. But once that’s done, there’s really no more excuses.

“...well…” Ryū fidgets a bit. “Guess I’ll...say goodnight?”

“Yeah, I better go. Don’t want to keep you up to late. And I’ve got my route in the morning.”

“Mm…”

She walks him to the front door, the pair of them lingering in the opening for a long moment. “...be safe on your way home. Text me to let me know you made it okay, all right?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“And to say goodnight.”

“...again.”

“...yeah, again.”

Another pause.

Indecision seeming to make her bones vibrate, Ryū eventually makes up her mind. Stepping up a bit closer, she lays a hand against Obito’s chest and - with a bit of posturing up on her toes - she gives him a feather-light press of her lips to his.

Flashing pink, he nonetheless reciprocates, both of them easing slowly back apart.

“...goodnight, Obito.”

“...night, Ryū. I’ll...talk to you later.”

Nodding with a shy smile, she watches him head down the hall before forcing herself to shut the door. For a moment, she stands and holds the knob...then turns and leans against it with a sigh.

...it seems so quiet in here now…

Eyes lift to her little dining room table, where the flowers he brought her are still sitting in their vase. The sight brings her a small smile. As much as she’s sad to see him go...well, that just means she’ll get to look forward to seeing him again next time.

Next time...what a lovely concept.

Heaving a more contented breath, she makes her way back into the apartment. Time to get ready for bed, and wait to hear he got home okay. Then she’ll sleep, and start all over again.

...but at least now there’s something to look forward to.

All righty, another day, this one with Ryū’s ship with @abyssaldespair‘s Obito, set in a modern verse! I had...several ideas for these two, and picking one was difficult and ended up costing me time BUT, it’s done xD Hopefully I can get MORE done :’D But yes! This was actually an idea Meg submitted to me, with the premise based largely on Obito hiding his appearance on his profile until the big reveal! Ryū, of course, doesn’t mind his scars no matter the verse. She still thinks he’s one cute cookie x3 Anywho, I guess that’s...really all there is to say for this one! Hope ya like it Meg, and I better get to work on more drabbles xD

#narutoocxcanonshipweek #noxcsw #abyssaldespair #suigin ryū #uchiha obito #best years of your life [ au ]#online dating

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ilguna · 5 years ago

Note

hi- I’m not sure if you’re the right person to ask, but I wanted to know how to start a fanfic writing tumblr- I mean, I’m just not sure how to start since I’ve never posted anything on my account- I’m sorry if this is an inconvenience-

Don’t worry about it. I’m a little offended that you would think you’re coming to the wrong place 😂.

Imma break it down for you.

BTW this post is long bc I wanted to cover all bases

—

First of all, if you’re on tumblr mobile, then that’s fantastic and we’ll start with that first. If you’re on desktop, I would like to suggest getting it on your phone because it’s more accessible and easier to manage than doing it on the computer. The only time I go to the computer is when I’m going to post fics, but we’ll get there.

I know you said you’re wondering how to start posting fics but I gotta give you some advice before that. Because there are just some things I cannot stand when it comes to some fanfic blogs, alright?

Be easy on your color scheme. I wouldn’t put any bright colors because it could hurt someone’s eyes, and sometimes it looks really bad. Going along with that, you should be careful what your second color is on your blog (let’s say that your base color was a maroon, and then you’d choose a color similar to that/darker than that. It’ll be hard to read the things in your bio, and it’s frustrating)

This is obvious, but make sure you have a profile and header picture, it’s more appealing rather than tumblrs default.

Turn ON asks and then proceed to do it for anonymous questions, because that’s the only way you get requests. Some people do it off anon but that’s not as common.

You can do this on desktop and a safari browser. It’s not possible to do on mobile just yet. Open up safari > log in > little person icon in the top right > edit appearance. Scroll until you see “let people as questions” turn that on. Turn on anon, and edit the box to whatever you want. Keep it short

Turn off “share posts you like” and the following one below it. It’s a risky game to play when it comes to what you’re looking at and liking.

No submission posts, normally people don’t submit things anyway. Turn OFF “on blog advertising” and then that’s it. It automatically saves so you can just leave to the next screen imma bout to tell you about

IF you go to my blog on desktop, you’ll see that there’s a theme. My font is different, I have a different set up than most blogs, etc.

If you wanna mess around with that, scroll to the top of page (you should still be on the same page from the anon instructions) and tap “edit theme”

It might take a second to load, but you’ll get there.

THIS SCREEN IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Besides the fact that it lets you edit your theme, this is how you put in a Masterlist, and all other links you might want in your bio.

You said you haven’t written anything yet, so there isn’t a need for a Masterlist just yet. But when you DO start posting, please come back to me and I’ll let you know how to put one in your bio, okay? Nice and shiny for your future followers.

If you wanna change your theme go to browse themes, change it from “all themes” to “free themes”. If you like mine, it’s called “Accesible”. If you just want the font, get out of the theme screen and scroll the screen on the left. Turn ON “open dyslexic

Remember, you can do all of this on desktop too, it doesn’t have to be on safari

—

Now onto posting, I have some opinions that might offend my mutuals (oopsie)

I can’t tell the difference, but PERSONALLY, I think posting fics on tumblr from my phone is gross. But that’s also because I’m writing 1000+ words normally and it gets difficult to post

If you want to post fics with more than 100 paragraphs, then you have to go to desktop or maybe safari tumblr (I don’t post from safari tumblr so idk if it works) because tumblr says NO paragraphs after 100 on mobile. There is no restriction on computer

I write in Google Docs, because it’s neater and I’ve discovered some hate for Word after deleting some of the shit I wrote over and over. Plus it’s an app, and you can open it up on computer. Easy to use.

If you use Notes on your phone, or type directly onto a tumblr post, then that’s fine but you don’t know your word count and it’s a little difficult to navigate.

When it comes to formatting, I used to have it be really long. But I’ve narrowed it down to 3, sometimes 4 things.

Summary: this is where I put the request so the anon/person knows that it’s their request. (I copy n paste the entire request in the summary part, I don’t answer asks (requests) anymore because it’s easier to answer them after I posted).

Warnings: my permanent is swearing, and then I add on (what type) violence, murder, suic*de, gore, etc DEPENDING ON THE REQUEST

Word count: and I do this because I write long imagines sometimes and some people don’t want to sit through 5k words of boring shit

And the optional—Note: I put this if I thank someone for their patience on the request, if I say happy holidays or some shit like that. I don’t have notes on every post anymore because they just turn out being the same every time

Apart from that, give it a title (make it unique but not too long!) who it’s for and then copy and paste the fic in

I’m using my own posts as an example right here, okay. But I have the summary and all of that bolder because it’s easier to see, and I want it to be different from the actual post. Most fanfic writers do this.

I also put 2 —‘s between the authors note at the top and the fic to also make a difference there

Don’t have the entire fic italicized, it takes away the special part of italicizing a word

Finally, it’s tagging.

I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT tag things that have nothing to do with the post. It’s my biggest pet peeve and it’s because I can’t comprehend why people tag (for example) Katrina Stuart when it’s a fic OR A RANDOM POST about someone else

Instead, let’s keep it simple.

🌸 STOP 🌸

I forgot to mention this. But choose your username wisely. You can change it later on, but it’s a goddamn pain in the ass when you have 50+ fanfics you wrote and your Masterlist is nice and clean only to realize that you have to RELINK every post individually

Listen, I changed my username on my old blog, and it took me 8 hours ROUGHLY to relink and fix every individual Masterlist. I had to create new masterlists, with so many tabs open to fix it

Instead, change it before you start fics

If you wanna be a colby brock blog, I have a canon url (which means that it’s so fucking GOOD and I’m angry that i realized it was open only a month ago rather than when I created this account) and it’s colbysbrocks (it’s a plural canon url). And I have colbysecrets too. If you don’t like either of those, I have a couple of other ideas that I wrote down if you want them

🌸 okay continue 🌸

This is how you should tag:

(I’ll give an example after this)

Your username first, the person it’s about, the fandom (if it’s not Colby brock, then something like marvel, etc). Then the persons name, imagine, fanfic, x reader, and oneshot. Then if it was requested

EXAMPLE ONE:

Azurebrock, Colby brock, Colby brock imagine, Colby brock fanfic, Colby brock x reader, Colby brock oneshot, requested

Simple, right? You can even use this method for Wattpad too.

EXAMPLE TWO:

(This is Star Wars, im using my own username again)

Kylorenlovesyou, Kylo ren, Ben solo, kylo ren imagine, kylo ren fanfic, kylo ren x reader, kylo ren oneshot, Ben solo imagine, Ben solo fanfic, Ben solo x reader, Ben solo oneshot, Star Wars

Notice that I tagged both of his names. I do this because it draws more people in, and more people will be attracted to it (however, in the Star Wars fandom there’s a difference between Ben Solo and Kylo-Ren, so you would have to specify in the title Ex. Resistance (Ben Solo) or Struggle (Kylo-Ren). It would depend on which persona you’re using

This works for a couple of fandoms, like twilight and shit like that

EXAMPLE THREE:

(Final one, I just wanted to cover this base just in case)

If it’s a request for more than one person. Let’s say Colby Brock and Sam Golbach (like a Polyamorous relationship, if it’s just about a bunch of people, tag the people in it and don’t put the imagine, fanfic, x reader, oneshot after any of them, it doesn’t apply)

If it’s a poly relationship (or maybe more) then do everything you normally do for one person, and then just add on the second;

Azurebrock, Colby brock, Sam Golbach, Colby brock imagine, Sam Golbach imagine, etc

If you’re on desktop, I would suggest putting in a Read More (this goes BEFORE your fic but after the authors note, below the 2 —‘s). The way you do that is press enter, and hover over the new break in the fic.

Off to the right you’ll see a . . . Click that and then you have the read more. I would only suggest using this if there’s more than 500 words, so that if the fic is super long, it doesn’t take up the entire dash for the follower (it takes forever to scroll and it’s annoying

If you’re on mobile, it isn’t possible. Just post and you can go back and edit later if you have a computer

#azurebrock #anon #ask

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benichi · 6 years ago

Text

Money Jar and Illusion of Choice

aka Story Jar by NTT Solmare and Love Choice by Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.) Since I haven’t been around much the last few weeks and because I got an ask about it I decided to look at these new ways to “enjoy” Otome games. I already vented about Money-... I mean Love Jar yesterday, and while Voltage isn’t quite as hardcode (yet) it still should be talked about.

I’ll start with Masquerade Kiss, Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.)’s new game which introduces Love Choice as a way to read Main Stories. Apparently the only way for future releases. Though it doesn’t matter much where I start since both of these new “systems” have a lot in common. This is how the Love 365 app greets you currently.

FOR FREE OMG. However as you know nothing in life is free, if you look closely you’ll see “Use hearts to read without wait times ♪”. So literally in the same breath they tell you that this new system is shit. We’ll take a more in-depth look at those wait times later because they play a big role for this entire new system, including the situation in Story Jar. To put the second part into words that aren’t sugar coated “Use money to deepen your affection! If you want to see CG’s and get a satisfactory ending you had better open that wallet of yours cause those are behind a paywall♪“. Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.) is trying to be charming about this but the bottom line is: without money you get the short end of the stick. Which isn’t all bad or uncommon. They are a company so obviously they have to make money. But they’ve come up with quite a cunning way to do just that.

CELEBRATION! NOW OR NEVER! READ THE WHOLE STORY WITHOUT WAITING!!! WHAT A NEW AND REVOLUTIONARY CONCEPT?! HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE? Yes. That’s the old system we’ve had until now. Where you pay 4€ once and own the entire thing to read at your own pace and revisit as often as you’d like. I honestly couldn’t help but scoff when this screen showed up as I was playing.

Which brought me to my first question. Why don’t they simply let us consumers choose between buying the entire thing and this “f2p” version? It’s the same simple answer for all questions related to this topic: 💰 💰 💰

The elaborate explanation is that obviously no one would touch this “f2p” version unless they’re forced to. As stated above stories used to be 4€. However Love Choice is much more expensive.

This part made me especially sick. They know exactly that for a lot of us Otoge is something we use to treat ourselves. These sugar coated words “special” “exciting outcomes” “spicy ending” aim exactly for that. You’re already here, surely you don’t want to miss this super special spicy scintillating sexy breathtaking ending.

However that’s not even the worst part yet. One choice costs 5 hearts which is not too bad right? Too good to be true almost, which is exactly what’s happening here. As you progress the amount of hearts needed steadily increases. The biggest amount one choice costs is 26 hearts.

That singular choice plus CG costs almost as much as an entire route with all CG’s etc. used to cost (400 Coins).

Granted as you can see above you “only” need 12 points to get the super special spicy scintillating sexy breathtaking ending. Which means you don’t always have to select the ~special choice~. However the amount of points you get per special choice is different each time (ranging from 1pt to 3pts), there’s no other way to earn them. So unless you use a Walkthrough you’re grasping at straws. Like here, you’ll get a CG sure but only 1pt. In theory a choice with 3pts is more lucrative but who knows when one of those might show up.

Ultimately guessing whether the money you’ve invested so far will be enough to get you that desired ending might be more thrilling than Eisuke 2.0 trying to shove his tongue into your mouth.

Let’s get back to our numbers though. In order to get all the CG’s + that super special ending you’ll need at least 85 hearts. Which basically translates to 900 Coins.

11€. Only possible if you play it smart by using a Walkthrough, which means someone else took the plunge and paid the whooping 22€ instead. Because that’s what you’ll have to pay if you go for every single special choice. Granted you don’t have to spend the entire 2000 Coins, there are 300 left over because Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.) simply never offers the exact amount of 1700 Coins you’d need. But what do these leftover 300 coins even do for you? Nothing much anymore as we’ve seen.

Plus there’s the wait times we haven’t experienced yet. I mean how much does it cost if I don’t want to wait for 5 hours? Will those “leftover” 300 coins even cover that? A part of me honestly doesn’t even want to know.

Moving on to the illusion of having a choice. As stated above the only way to raise points is by using money. Only these paid choices change the Love Meter. Every other ~choice~ might as well not be there because it doesn’t make a difference. Let’s look at this one scene in particular. For context my dude Kazuomi Shido wants to get rid of a woman because she “knows too much”.

As stated before you could skip this special choice and still get that ~Super Happy Ending~. I mean ppffft what’s she to me amirite? Random Woman Nr.1 is definitely not worth my 50 coins.

But how is this enjoyable? How am I supposed to be pleased knowing that the only way to get a different ending is paying up. That my choices don’t matter except for the ones where I make it rain money for Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.). They might as well just remove the “choices” and sell the entire story for 11€ or 22€ if they’re feeling bold.

But again, if the amount you spend was displayed in such a blunt way no one would ever go near these stories. I mean just look at Wand of Fortune (Story Jar). A single route consists of 27 Chapters (the 1st one being free). One Chapter costs 20 diamonds. So to read everything you’ll need 520 diamonds, which translates to 44€. How is this real life? Who thought this was a good idea?

Which brought me to my next question: What’s up with this sudden increase we see for the amount of Chapters? Could we be... getting more for our money? Again, no. It’s still all about them getting more 💰 💰 💰

Because each Chapter is incredibly short. And while the Chapters in Masquerade Kiss at least make sense despite their shortness the same can’t even be said for Wand of Fortune.

I think this sudden rise serves a few different purposes. Obviously more Chapters means more money. In WoF you just straight up have to pay and in Love Choice it gives them the option to put in even more “””special choices”””. Plus when there’s no CELEBRATION NOW OR NEVER PLAY WITHOUT WAIT TIMES event that’s another point where you could possibly pay to progress more quickly. I mean 5 hours wait time means you’ll only get to play 4 Chapters per day. If that’s even an option for you. I certainly can’t whip out my phone at work to get raunchy with Eisuke 2.0 simply because 5 hours have passed. But that’s an entirely different matter.

But what else is happening here? Honestly these Chapter splits are nothing but sneaky practices to pick the money right out of our pockets. By splitting the costs into different Chapters people will be less aware of how much they’re actually paying. If they straight up tried to sell one story for 44€ or 22€ who in their right mind would buy that? Unless you sit down and do the math first you’ll just kind of pay slowly as you progress the story. Plus on Love Choice you don’t even necessarily have the option to figure out how much it’ll cost in the end unless you go through the thing for yourself once or find someone that wrote everything down. At this point we can’t even say if the requirements for Kazuomi’s route are the norm. Are 85 hearts always the minimum requirement? 169 the most? There’s no telling at this point.

What I do know at this point however is that these companies are taking advantage of us. It’s true, we are currently in a dire situation. Our niche market is slowly running cold with the Vita being officially dead and no announcements for the Switch overseas. Currently mobile games are the only thing that’s going strong in the Otome Market here. But this? This can’t be it!

I won’t pay for a game that’s so completely butchered from it’s original release that it's barely functional and makes no sense. With core mechanics and voice acting removed. I won’t pay to be stripped from the right to make my own choices in a visual novel and to be played like a fiddle with all these sugar coated words that hide shrewed tricks.

Only if you give him 13 hearts first though. I gotta admit the image of Kazuomi standing there with his palm stretched out like

“I could stick my tongue into your mouth BUT that’ll be 2,29€ first. We don’t take checks, by the way” is a little funny but ultimately too expensive for my taste.

I honestly understand that these are not easy times to be a fan of Otome Games. However, if we let these companies play us like this then we’ve already lost. Why would Aksys or any other company bother translating major titles that take so much more effort to localize if mobile Otoge with considerably less work can be sold for almost the same amount? I mean if someone pays 44€ per route that’s 264 € for the entire “game”. You could probably buy half of the Vita games Aksys has released so far with that amount. Maybe all of them if you wait for sales, this is insanity.

And 22€ is in no way better either. Just think of all the things you can buy for that amount of money, I mean not even games. Plus Otome Romance (former Voltage Inc.) is becoming worse and worse as time goes on. I’ve defended them for a long time because in a way I’m grateful. I still remember when Pirates in Love was practically the only thing we had. But I’ve reached my limit. Love Choice is just as bad as Story Jar.

This post has become long enough, but I’ll add this later or make a seperate post of how f2p can work. I don’t want to be misunderstood, I know some people prefer f2p instead of just buying the entire stories which is perfectly fine. But these two companies have missed the mark completely and we have to be vocal about it.

PS: If you want to experience good f2p games please check out Cybird games, they’re our only hope in these unholy times.

#story jar #love 365 #love choice #otome romance #ntt solmare #Masquerade Kiss #wand of fortune #voltage inc

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early-sxnsets · 6 years ago

Text

Don’t @ Me

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43092371

Chapter 1/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster

Word Count: 3118

Fic Summary: Teenage life is hard enough, but with the added weight of their lives, both Simon and Baz thrive online in a fandom for the British crime show, Gastrell, about the genius Huxley and his "flatmate" Sam. Through Tumblr, they find each other, and sink into something more than just being mutuals.

Chapter Summary: A shitpost is taken a little too personally, and an argument breaks out. In true Baz fashion, he seeks to prove himself right in the most ridiculous way possible.

BAZ

Morning routines are the most menial shit in the realm of existence of arbitrary tasks.

Everyone seems to have them, yet nobody really has a set one. For example, my step-mum has a long, seemingly pointless hour of simply facial cleansers, serums, and hair products. When I’d asked her years ago why she does it all, she shook her head and said “You’ll never be an aging woman, Basilton.”

I couldn’t quite argue with that.

Regardless, it’s a part of life. The routines. Wake up, morning routine, morning activity, eat, afternoon activity, usually afternoon snack, evening activity, dinner, night-time activity, sleep.

A boring, underwhelming cycle of the day.

Although, I suppose it’s shittier for me, since the homeschooling doesn’t give me a chance to do much besides sit and read. Of course, I have my car and I can drive off to whatever. Hell, father even suggested I get a job to occupy myself, but I don’t quite see the point given how much money we have (and the risk factors with moving around so frequently).

So, here I am. Finishing my classes in a matter of months, then having an entire year of pointless bullshit.

Needless to say, my entire day’s routine isn’t the most thrilling. Wake up at 10 on a good day, check social media and emails, then just lay here until I can’t wait to piss. Piss. Go to eat breakfast and get greeted by screaming children and my poor step-mum trying to wrangle them in. Go upstairs, go back online, see whatever’s on my dash, reblog some shit, then try to do something vaguely productive. Check Archive, check email again. Nothing’s on the emails, ever. Text Dev and Niall, who get awfully pissed since they are in school. Get more food. Eat. Bring tea upstairs, despite the disdained look from our maid (who hates collecting my piles of mugs). Write for a couple hours. Take an afternoon nap, if I please. Wake up and sit there (again). Maybe lonely wank. Go back to the bathroom, stare at myself in the mirror for a good few minutes. Sit on the toilet for half an hour for no reason besides the fact that my phone seems more interesting while sitting there as compared to sitting in bed. Sit then on the bathroom floor doing the same thing. Go back to my bed, listen to music on my phone and work on my laptop. Write, maybe scroll. Get dinner brought to me as they tut that I should be more active. Eat. Go downstairs for an evening workout (they’re right, I shouldn’t confine myself to my bed). Come back, do exactly what I do for half the day until I pass out somewhere around 3 am. Repeat.

Dream life for an 17 year old. Social life of a god.

Somewhat.

It’s shit to say (and sort of embarrassing to share) that there’s sort of a social media presence around me. Not quite the Instagram model bullshit, but based around fan life.

Yes, it’s a laughing stock. That’s where my popularity lies--a mixed grab-bag of various ages gathering around various platforms to enthuse about certain topics. And I’m somehow lucky enough to have the slightest bit of popularity here.

As in, a large following. A large, somehow active following.

It isn’t exactly thrilling as one would like to think. Sure, it’s fun to see a scattered group of regulars pop up, and I have my mutuals, but it’s a sad existence to sit around and make various shitposts with nothing better to occupy my mind. Or, at least, that’s what Dev and Niall tell me.

All in all, I blame Fiona. She’s the one who got me into the show, saying she thought the character was a bit like me. After I saw it, I found the three connections she’d grasped at.

Gay, dark-haired, and violinist.

As if that’s a rarity.

Yet, surely enough, I did love it. The cinematography, the characters, the storyline. It was intriguing--captivating.

It doesn’t hurt that the online community was still on the smaller side when I first got there. The show was only a season in when I made my blog, and I’ve stuck through all this bullshit to get me here. One of the regulars. Reposted everywhere, uncredited usually. Big fics, large interactions. Shitposts with thousands upon thousands of notes. I’m recognizable; a suggested name.

Don’t get me wrong, the attention is spectacular. I love interacting with people beyond this depressing household, and they’re usually fairly nice (usually) (except those ravenous for an argument). It’s just awkward to share at times when people ask why your mobile’s got 99+ symbols next to the apps and you just shrug and say “I’m shit at checking it” to avoid the conversation because most people see it as childish.

It’s a shame, really. Especially since I feel emotionally attached to these goddamn fictional fuckers.

I suppose that’s what makes it all the more personal, then. Even the shitposts mean something to me.

Which is what makes this is a long, winded way of saying fuck whoever’s arguing with me about whether or not Huxley is a fucking Ravenclaw. (He is. Hands down.) How’d I get here, staring at my mobile in disbelief at a brief back and forth post turned fight? Because it feels like a reasonable question to wonder.

I got here because, as almost all mornings, I woke up, opened my phone, read my notifs, then sat here, thinking of something. Anything. Then, in a tired haze, typed out a single text post on tumblr.

huxley gastrell is a ravenclaw send tweet

Following so, I went about my typical morning. Of course. Then--then--I check my phone as I’m going downstairs and I see it. I see the “@bi-sammy mentioned you in a post!” notif, then read the God-forsaken reblog.

@gaystrell op do you take criticism on your posts?

I frowned at my phone, typing out a quick response before tucking it back into my pocket.

@bi-sammy no.

What I hadn’t anticipated, though, was the reply I’d open up to soon after I’d started poking at my morning meal.

@gaystrell well too bad bc ur WRONG and ur opinions are UGLY

#he’s clearly a slytherin this is slytherin oppression #don’t tell me he and bryonie aren’t from a slytherin family

Now I sit, staring and completely awestruck at such a post. Now, I won’t deny Bryonie Gastrell is definitely, in all possible ways, a Slytherin. Cunning and ambitious as fuck, as any political spy may be, but fuck anyone who tries to dismiss Huxley’s clear Ravenclaw leanings.

It takes me a moment to fully process, mouth robotically chewing my eggs as I contemplate my answer.

@bi-sammy there is absolutely no proof of huxley being a slytherin and more than enough support towards him being a ravenclaw. get your clueless negativity off my blog, you utter tit.

With that, I settle my phone face down onto my table and try to enjoy my lovely plate of scrambled eggs, barely ignoring the boiling of my blood.

SIMON

My phone lights up with the new notification, dragging my attention away from my laptop as the words slide down onto the screen. “@gaystrell mentioned you in a post!” I hate to admit that I get a little pattering in my heart, urging my hand out to grasp the mobile as I pause the Youtube video currently playing. As I read his words, I slowly blink out of my excitement.

Tit. He called me a bloody tit.

Of course this fucking wanker called me a tit.

He must think that since he’s this big bad blogger, he can call me a tit right out in the open. (Although, he is talking to me, so that’s a plus) (No! No no no, bad validation, Simon. Bad). What, with his thousands of followers and fans of his own, he thinks he can try to say shit out in the open?

Fuck it. He’s either getting a DM or a bloody fist fight from me. I’ll take a train to wherever the fuck he lives (which is somewhere in England, since that’s what his bio says) (and his aunt lives in London, since he’s posted about visiting her) (I really do wonder where he’s from and how close he might be--what if I run into him one day?) (No wait fuck I don’t want that anymore).

Clicking on his blog, the little person drop down gives me the option of a message. I barely think as I type it out, vision going spotty from the adrenaline of the twinging anger.

bi-sammy: i swear to god there was no point to the battle of hogwarts if you’re just going to go around and absolutely slander the slytherin name and dare say that huxley is not one of them and, rather, is a ravenclaw

At first, I grin at it, watching my lone message appear into the empty chat. It’s so freeing--so powerful to send it. I pride myself, in the moment, for this solid move of communication. Of course I’m fucking proud. I messaged the arse myself and gave him a space to fight.

Maybe Penny’s right, I should dial down the confrontation, but it’s just the internet. Nothing important happens through a stupid little argument over Huxley’s true Hogwarts house (although, I’m sure I know I’m right in my heart), but it is a bit of fun to fuck around with someone. It’s a distraction. And that’s why I’m here, afterall. To have a distraction.

Penny thinks it’s a bit silly, but she doesn’t really complain. All she’s ever said was “I thought we left fandom stuff behind us when we were 14.” She said it over lunch, watching me scroll through my at-the-time new tumblr.

It’s funny, I thought I did leave it behind when I was younger. It seemed unneeded as life shifted. I’d just found a stable foster home, with someone who was going to keep me for a while. I found Penny a couple months before I deactivated my old account. I was happy; we were free. I didn’t need a venting place.

Shits been sort of hitting the fan recently, though. No uni plans, David’s been getting more controlling, and of course, Agatha dumping me. It all crashed on top of me a few months ago, and somehow, the only place that I could find healthy coping was online. So, I started fresh. Made a blog and settled in. It’s not big, but I’ve had a few posts get noticed. I have a good few hundred followers, and one nice anon who asks me how I am every few weeks. It’s not a lot, but it’s comforting.

I feel at home here, even with a little discourse.

Well, only when the discourse is answered. Which, in this situation, I don’t know if it will be, given it’s been over an hour now and Baz hasn’t answered.

If that’s even his name.

It’s what his bio says, at least.

baz. 17. cisguy (he/him). gay. don’t interact if you think huxley is remotely straight.

I’ve wondered for a while what Baz stands for. He refuses to answer it in asks; he always says it’s too personal. He’s sort of odd like that--never posts pictures of anything that could be linked back. Seems sort of creepy, but then again, a lot of people follow him. It’s reasonable to want space.

Maybe that’s why he’s not answering. He probably wants space of some sort, but it’d be at least decent to answer someone who tried to have a discussion (that’s at least what I’m calling that message I sent--a discussion starter).

I frown at my phone, keeping it on silent as I slide it into my front pocket and settle into my seat in maths. I’ll say it--I sulk in class, a little bitter that I don’t have his attention (despite the fact that he seems like he’s always active online, which seems odd). Eventually, I exhale and try to let it slip away. There went my one interaction with him. My few seconds of the weirdest fucking bliss online, gone.

Then, it happens. As the class is ending, I pull out my screen just enough to see and there it is. A clear notification telling me he’d answered. Oddly enough, it’s just him sending me a link to a Google Doc.

Weird.

I ignore it for the moment being, letting myself ride the wave of relaxation that I actually got a reply. It passes my mind until I’m sitting in the back of Agatha’s car, listening to Penny and Aggie in the front talking about whatever’s on their mind. The rides are sort of awkward as of recently. At least Agatha agreed to drive me home (it’s a good 45 minute walk, if not) after some convincing from Penny, but her and I don’t really chat. It’s just the two of them.

Given that time, I have a chance to pull out my mobile and thumb through what was sent.

gaystrell: https://docs.google.com/document/d/175qFASmqD7hey8lE0eoE-6VhhFYE9DP6bpnI32Aay98/edit?usp=sharing

I click on it, not expecting that much (or, really, not expecting anything at all). Yet, the second it pops up and loads, my jaw drops.

“Jesus fuck,” I say aloud, scrolling through it. Penny turns her head, frowning as I stay locked on my screen.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“No--no nothing,” I say, waving a hand. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s got to be something for that reaction,” she says, keeping turned in her seat as she eyes me up. “Just tell us, Si.”

“I mean it when I say it’s nothing.” My voice gets quieter as I shift, reading the title. “It’s just fandom stuff. It’s really nothing.”

I hear her disgruntled huff as she turns back, mumbling something about me reacting too dramatically to this. “It isn’t even real.” It’s said under her breath, yet it still rings clear in my ears.

It isn’t really fake, either.

Hell, this is six pages of real. “Why Huxley Gastrell is, Without a Doubt, a Ravenclaw”. Shared by Basilton Pitch (is that his actual name?!). Fucking hell, it’s detailed to no ends. You’d think, with this much writing, there’d be pages of pointless filler where he’d just type “im gay hi huxley is also a gay we’re all gay here aren’t we”, but no. It’s full, grammatically correct sentences detailing his points.

It’s a bit much to read in the car, so I settle my mobile face down onto the seat as I’m left reeling. That… was a bit more than I’d expected.

Shit, did he write that for me?

This isn’t real. This can’t be real.

BAZ

Whoever says that having a flair for the dramatics is pointless has clearly never met me, because I wouldn’t quite call this masterpiece of an essay “pointless”. In fact, I should send it to academics. Rename it “A Study In Multi-Dimensional Characters and their Associated Generalized Personality Traits”. I’ll be hailed as a genius, as I deserve to be.

I crack my knuckles, and see the little person pop up.

Surely enough, it’s @bi-sammy’s name that he has listed online, Simon. It’s curious, he has his last name listed as “Snow”. Although, the smallest part of me believes it’s a pseudonym. Given our interactions, I doubt he’s clever enough to think of a solid pseudonym. And, even at that, why pick Snow?

Either way, it’s surprisingly endearing. Simon Snow. Sounds sweet. Sounds innocent.

I watch his cursor turn on, then his icon goes grey after a few moments. My heart starts to trip, making my cheeks begin to flush. Is… he ignoring this?

No. He can’t be. I put in hard work and dedication into this work, and I deserve the respect I’d sent into it. Fucking hell, three fully developed points (his devotion to intellectual work, his effort to step out of public light for Sam’s sake, and his overall lack of ambition for moving forward). I clearly set it out, and ended it properly; I’d proven that Huxley is a Ravenclaw. Case and point, opinion made, the end.

And, here I sit, watching him have the audacity to open it up then close it back. That was my hard work put in there, and he closes it? Who in the name of all that is sacred thinks he’s that above other people to the point where he just ignores--

Oh. He’s back on. Nevermind.

He’s… probably a school student. It’s roughly the time that most classes end, I suppose.

I make a mental apology to him, despite having never ranted directly to him in the first place.

He stays active for a good bit; long enough to show he’s reading. I assume that he’d just close off and message me, but after minutes, I notice a little highlighted comment pop up on the last sentence.

Simon Snow i………. owe you every single possible apology

Each word makes me grin like I haven’t in a while. A wide, cheek-creasing grin. There’s something so sweet to that--so personal. It feels like a note passed to me in a classroom under the tables. Like a cute “Blink if you like me”, although I doubt he has quite an intention.

Nevertheless, it warms my chest, sending my head back as I smile. I’m not sure whether or not it’s the satisfaction of winning, or his words, but I laugh outwardly into the room. It stays with me, reverberating onto my skin and my throat.

I look back at the comment, then leave it untouched. If he won’t remove it, then I won’t either.

With a glance at our personal messages tab, I figure that’s that. Even field, no more argument. No more interaction. It’s a bit of a shame, given the effort I’d just extorted for his sake, that he hasn’t answered in our chat.

While I’m disappointed to close off the document, I smile at it one last time. Sometimes I have to move on from random people, especially when they come on a bit strong.

Except, I find, moments later that I’m wrong about one thing--the moving on. He didn’t just stop his interaction, but instead made a public post.

“@bi-sammy mentioned you in a post!”

This time, I really laugh. A full bellied, hand-covering-mouth laugh.

i guess i have to suck @gayhuxell’s cock now because i was wrong and the bloody arse was right. huxley is a ravenclaw.

#fuck me i guess

I take a minute, rereading over his words a few times before typing a simple answer with my reblog.

i’m available anytime behind a mcdonald’s parking lot

#fanfiction #fanfic #carry on #fic #mine #it's a handheld disaster #snowbaz #simon snow #tyrannus basilton grimm-pitch #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #baz pitch #simon #baz #hhehehehe #this is like the longest chapter just a heads up #it's a short fic it's under 20k

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muggle-writes · 5 years ago

Note

Happy Storyteller Saturday! What are some ways you organize your notes/writing thoughts?

thanks for asking! Sorry I'm answering late, I had a rough headache and tried to sleep it off for most of Saturday so it's like 2am Sunday now (3am when I finished because I'm tired enough to have very little filter which means it's ramble time) but I'm awake so I'm answering.

to be honest, it depends on where I am and whether I have free time where there's nothing else I "should" be doing.

if I'm out and about, or if I "should" be doing something else I'll be writing on my phone. usually with a program called Quip, occasionally with a program called Bookstack. I'm out at my QP's right now, and she and my wife are talking video games, and I don't have my laptop handy so I'm writing in Quip. it's kind of a dropbox/google docs alternative, and it has a not-terrible app. I sort everything into a personal writing folder (i used to use quip for other things too, which I kept in other folders since it has a decent checklist ability) and if I expect something to be a long story I'll create a folder for it and put different scenes in different documents in that folder. if I expect it to be short, I'll just create a document straight in the writing folder and hopefully remember to give it a descriptive name. If I'm intending to write something especially short and post it immediately, like this, I won't usually give it a title. sometimes this bites me in the butt but mostly it's fine. I write things in quip rather than directly in the tumblr editor for two related reasons: tumblr mobile has a really annoying habit of eating my longer posts instead of posting them. i haven't figured out if this is more related to the length of the text added, or the length of time I have the draft open. on top of that, if I type it in tumblr mobile and try to make a backup copy, the largest unit I can copy at a time is a paragraph, not the whole document, so it would be a hassle to copy out. often, for posts this long, I wind up copying in three or four paragraphs at a time, saving the draft again, and waiting for tomorrow to display my changes before I click edit draft and add another few. it's easier to copy text into tumblr than out of it

if I'm on bookstack (a mediocre Google docs/scrivener alternative but it's open source and my wife runs an instance so I've tried it out. among other problems, it doesn't have an app so I have to write through my mobile browser and I have to have internet. quip stores locally regardless and syncs with the internet when possible so I tend to use quip instead) When I'm using bookstack, I'm forced to use its organization system. broadest to narrowest categories: shelves books, chapters, pages. you can put pages directly into books, or into chapters. I usually use pages as scenes, and keep them sorted into chapters. in theory I like bookstack but it needs some major improvements (options for variable theme, offline mode, general mobile UI, etc) before I would actually recommend it.

If I have my laptop I occasionally write in bookstack but more often Microsoft Word (I got a free student copy when I was in college and whenever my current laptop dies I'm going to get Open Office or Libre Office instead rather than pay for Microsoft.)

I sort my writing into fanfiction and original works. there's very little in the original works side, sadly. Within fanfiction, since I generally publish to ao3 as I go, I separate it into folders incomplete and completed. within each, I sort it into fandoms, within incomplete, I then have a folder for each fic, and then documents titled "published" and "unpublished" within each. within completed, there's individual documents for each fic (equivalent to "published" within incomplete) I cut and paste things between documents, or move documents around as necessary

for editing, it's a different story:

in Word, if I'm writing a variant of a scene I've already written, and I want to keep the old one and decide later which one I like better, I'll strikethrough the old paragraph and write another. If I get several of these I'll color code the old scenes so I can tell which one's which (sometimes I reuse parts of sentences in like. 3/5 variants so they're usually intertwined. my drafts get colorful) If I'm going in a really drastically different direction, sometimes I'll create a new document and in the title describe what the difference is.

In Quip (actually, in bookstack too, when I'm on mobile, so probably it's just my phone keyboard not playing nice with long documents. somehow I never have the same issue when I'm writing directly in the tumblr app) if I try to select large sections and replace or delete them, it deletes significantly more than I want it to, probably twice as many characters? twice as many minus one? idk. if I'm not happy with something in quip, it's a little glitchy about strikethrough so I'll just put a few blank lines, a line of squiggles (~) and/or an all caps "ALTERNATELY" and another line break and then the replacement.

anyway. that's all for when I'm composing prose (or publishable poetry)

when I'm scribbling down notes to keep them because I'm plotting a longer story or because I want to write but don't have time, I'll open up one of the above programs (usually quip or word) and create a bullet point list of sentence fragments and notes. I put major points at the top level of bullet points, indent for the next level of detail under each one. the top level bullets are usually vaguely in chronologial (or storytelling) order, but flashbacks/"this sets up for..." often show up in the nested bullets.

If I have a really thorough outline, with a full sentence for every scene, in word I'll make a copy of the outline with a page break between each outline point, and then I'll skip around between scenes based on my inspiration and write the scenes in their corresponding place in the draft so that the end result is pretty effortlessly in order. (in bookstack, I'll create "pages" for each scene. in quip I put three or four line breaks between the scene prompts or occasionally split them into separate documents.)

#storyteller saturday #asks and answers

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calucadu · 5 years ago

Text

Another hole in the wall

I'm so happy to have done this in collaboration with the lovely @anakitoart! ❤

Check her incredible drawing out here! You should also consider following her on Tumblr, her art Tumblr and Twitter! She's such a sweetie!!

Another hole in the wall, a Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia One Shot.

Summary: Bakugou’s never tried a glory hole before, until now.

Pairings: Bakugou/Kirishima.

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Kirishima Eijirou

Rating: Explicit

Read on AO3

Or read below the cut

Bakugou’s never done this before. Sure, he’s done other things, and they’ve all been a lot of fun, but this is him stepping out of his comfort zone. He impatiently taps his fingers over the dark screen of his phone, hoping to master the courage to do it. With a sigh, he tries to reason with himself. It’s not too different from all the other stuff he’s done. It really isn’t.

It should be easier than it seems. He doesn’t even have to add a profile picture, and even if he wanted to, they aren’t allowed to show their face. So, it’s one less thing. But Bakugou likes his face. He thinks the sharp lines of his jaw and other features are what make him handsome. It certainly isn’t his personality what gets him laid, and he knows that. He’s not particularly good with words, or people. And it had never really mattered that much to him until he realised he was alone and that that’s how he was going to die if he didn’t at least make an effort.

So he’s gone down this rabbit hole of trying to meet new people through the internet. It’s harder not only because of his difficult personality, but because he’s looking for one person in particular.

It had been years ago, and Bakugou still can’t shake the memories of how happy that person had made him. He’d been shaped by him, all his preferences in men and in sex, they were all thanks to that boy he’d met. His first kiss, his first sexual encounter. His first beer under the stars, holding hands and groping under clothes. It had been the best time of his life.

He’d tried to find him again, but he couldn’t remember his name and he could barely remember his face. He’d discarded that useless information at the beginning, not knowing it was going to be crucial for him later on. He’d never been good with names, he hadn’t bothered trying to get close to people. That’s why that boy was special. He didn’t care about all those things, he just saw Bakugou as Bakugou, and liked him for who he was. And when the blond realised what he felt was love, it was too late. The boy was gone; they were far away from each other again.

And it was all Bakugou’s fault.

He searches for him wherever he goes, without noticing. Every smile that flashes makes him think of his; every person with red hair makes him do a double take. He doesn’t remember much else about the boy, except that he did have a pretty little scar over one eye, and the sharpest teeth Bakugou’s ever seen.

He’s tried to forget him, but the memory of him never fades. He’s tried everything to get over him, from alcohol to other people to bed, but nothing has worked.

When everything else failed, he tried looking for him online, but without a name it’s hard to get a result on the internet.

Bakugou’s almost given up. He wants to try other people until the taste of his first love leaves him forever. And he’s doing great on that front… except that he’s stood up six dates in the last month. He agreed to go out with them, but then he remembered they’re not him and he erased the app and bit the pillow to stop himself from screaming as tears rolled down his cheeks, a deep hatred for himself and his feelings in his chest.

This time he swears it’s different. There’s no face to face, it’s just sex. He can do sex. He can’t do dates or talking to people but taking his clothes off and letting others use him, that he actually enjoys.

But he’s still finding it hard to set up a profile. Maybe he’s afraid he’s going to do like he always does, and ditch another poor fellow that doesn’t deserve it. He tries to reason with himself that it’ll be fun and new. When that doesn’t work, he convinces himself to open the app by telling himself it’ll end in sex, and sex is a good motivator.

It’s called ‘The Glory Hole App’. Bakugou’s never tried a glory hole before, but he has watched a lot of porn about it. It’s always been something he wanted to try, something he’d always click on when he saw the thumbnail. Plus he likes the idea of anonymous sex. He wants to be abused by a faceless stranger. That way he can picture it’s his first love fucking him into the mattress and when he opens his eyes he doesn’t have to be disappointed to not see it’s someone else.

That’s why this app might be the thing for him.

He’s already downloaded the app and everything. He just has to click on it and set the profile up and look for someone who’d be keen to fuck him stupid. It shows you people in the same district as you and you can speak to them and arrange dates in the various different glory holes the country has.

When he finally manages to master up the courage to open the app, he’s a bit confused as to how it works. There are too many menus and options and pop-ups flashing up. It wants Bakugou to start setting up a profile so he does. He opts for a photo he took the other day to use as his profile pic. It doesn’t show his face but it’s him biting his shirt to pull it up enough to expose his abs and stomach. The viewer can also see his bed to one side, so it’s sort of inviting people in like that.

He lists his interests and ticks the right boxes, asking to only be paired up with men, and preferably tops. Immediately a notification with a few suggested people for him pops up, and he clicks on it, going over a large amount of penises he doesn’t think are tremendously impressive. Some of them have photos like his, exposed stomach and sculpted abs. One does catch his eye, however, and he decides to go to his gallery and look at more of his pictures.

The profile belongs to RedRiot, and by what Bakugou can see of the man, he’s very hot. ‘Likes: meat, tough guys and making you whimper 😉’ His description reads. Suppressing a snort, the blond decides to message him: ‘Hmm I doubt you’re really are up to par with that description of yours.’

He feels a bit giddy after hitting the enter button. He’s never felt like this while on the other dating apps, but then again, this one is different.

He really wants to be answered by this man, but a few minutes later he still hasn’t received a response. Feeling dejected, Bakugou drops his phone on his bed and starts doing the dishes he left soaking that morning.

An hour later he decides to pick his mobile up again, and he’s pleasantly surprised to see RedRiot’s answered him.

‘I really do like making guys like you whimper 😏’ The first message says. The next one, which pops up the moment Bakugou opens the chat reads: ‘Especially guys like you, who think they’re tough.’

“Fuck, who is this dude?” The blond laughs, licking his lower lip. “Who does he think he’s messing with?”

‘Like you could make me whimper.’ He texts back, proud of himself. A bubble with the word ‘writing’ appears next to RedRiot’s name and Bakugou’s tummy does a leap. A second later a little chirp forces his eyes to read the other’s message: ‘Why don’t we meet up so we can find out?’

‘Bold move’, Bakugou thinks, smirking as he quickly texts him back: ‘Tell me when.’

‘Whenever you’re free, baby. There’s one close to the station, if that works for you.’

Bakugou scoffs. ‘Friday afternoon?’

‘Working, could it be night?’

‘You’re on, big guy. You better not disappoint.’

Waiting until Friday is agonising. He continues to text RedRiot during the week, finding out things about the man. He learns that he’s a firefighter and that he has two big dogs named Red and Riot. He’s a fan of Crimson Riot, a TV series that was on when they were both kids. Getting to know him makes it feel less nervous. It’s not so much like he’s going to let a stranger fuck him, just a faceless acquaintance. An acquaintance that he’d actually like to meet.

As their date comes closer, they both sound more and more excited to meet each other and most of the blond’s worries dissipate.

‘I reserved booth #3, hope to see you ready 😉’ Bakugou wakes up on Friday morning to RedRiot’s message and he smirks, feeling his insides warm up.

Throughout the day the blond is nervous, finding himself making stupid mistakes he wouldn’t normally make. Sighing, he tries to concentrate, knowing fully well it’s just how nervous he is at the prospect of being fucked by a hot – and incredibly cute – man.

After dinner, he goes to his room to prepare himself for his big night. He’s giddy, biting his lips and trying to fight off an aroused smirk. Tracing a finger over the bottle of lube, he takes his trousers off and lies on his bed, ready to play with himself. He hopes the small pumps he gives his eager dick help relieve himself from the stress and nervousness of his blind date later that night.

Inhaling a deep breath, he throws his head back and closes his eyes, letting his left hand roam down to his arse. Giving a cheek a light squeeze that excites him, he proceeds to circle his rim with the digit. Groaning, he thrusts his hips up, trying to reach a rhythm he’s comfortable with as he teases himself with one hand while he fists his dick with the other.

He turns around to raise his bottom up, pressing his face against the pillow. Coating his finger in a considerable amount of lube, he inserts it inside of himself, suppressing a whimper by biting on the soft cushion.

Sparks of pleasure make his body tingle and he bites on the padding harder, closing his eyes and rutting against air, trying to feel the friction against his dick more. Feeling his toes curl, he quickly releases his leaking cock, knowing he only needs to tease himself, not cum over and over before the hunky stranger gets a chance to play with him.

He takes his time to prep himself well. He spends over half an hour stretching himself open, playing with his fingers and edging himself on as he looks at the pictures of his… well, he supposes it’s his date. He’s never been this excited about a date before, or about sex. He coats his hole in lube some more before putting a cute studded plug inside of himself. He then quickly gets dressed and ready, without worrying too much about his clothes and appearance since he’s not going to be seen by the other.

The ride to the place is nerve-wrecking. His stomach seems like it’s doing somersaults and he can’t stop his foot from tapping the floor impatiently. Bakugou keeps getting his phone out of his pocket to check the time and the place and also the app, to see if he has new messages from the stranger. He’s scared he’s going to get dumped or cancelled on. But the last message he received stays the same, and it’s RedRiot telling him how eager he is to wreck him. Looking at it makes him smile and blush, which he responds to by clicking his tongue.

He eventually gets to his stop and he steps off the train, looking around to see if he can see the place. He knows it won’t be publicly announced or anything, but maybe he can spot an indicator or something.

Since he’s lost he just uses his phone’s GPS to take him there. He reaches a pretty shady looking place, but the sign over it clearly says ‘Another Hole in the Wall.’ From the outside it looks like a bar, but there are numerous warnings over the tinted glass on the doors that only people over 18 can enter.

Once inside, he walks over to the counter where a bored man is playing on his phone. He barely looks up at Bakugou when the blond clears his throat and asks about his booth reservation.

He finally puts his mobile down and he turns to the computer. The sound of his mouse clicking is the only thing that can be heard until he starts speaking again. “Did you use the app to make an appointment?”

“Yeah.”

“Screen name, please.”

“King of Explodokills. Every word separated with an underscore.”

“Hmmm,” the man tries to stifle a snort. After a few more clicking sounds. “Is your partner RedRiot?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you the one receiving or giving?”

“Receiving.” Bakugou mutters, his eyes narrowing as he goes along with the other man’s choice of words. His gaze falls on the floor and he feels warmth in his cheeks.

“Have you ever done this before?” The man asks as he gets out of his chair and grabs a set of keys.

“No.” Bakugou answers, trying to appear calm. His heart is beating a mile a minute, and his palms are sweating, but he tries to hide this by wiping them discreetly against his trousers.

“Okay then, let’s go.”

Bakugou is led through a large corridor until they reach booth #3. He’s not only scared; he’s also excited. It’s something new and exhilarating, but not necessarily bad. He’ll see how he feels about it after getting fucked by the anonymous stranger.

The man smiles politely at him as he opens the door, turning the light on. He lets the blond enter first, and he’s faced with a table with black padding for him to lie on and a hole with flaps. The room is tiny and white , but the neon lighting it has makes it look violet and sky blue.

“I’ll explain how this goes. You lie down on this table and fit half your body through the hole. I’ll strap your legs in on the other side.”

“Okay.” The blond responds. It sounds easy enough.

“There’s a button under the table.” He crouches and shows it to Bakugou “It’s to call for help, whether you’re stuck, in pain, or being mistreated. Press it if you need to and someone will come to aid you.”

“Thanks.” He grunts, taking his shirt off.

“That’s all! Have fun!” The man waves goodbye as he open and closes the door, leaving Bakugou alone to his doom.

The blond’s not sure he will. His heart is thumping heavily inside of his chest as he undresses. He’s apprehensive and nervous, but he swallows hard and finally gets his underwear off. He sits on the padding, debating whether or not to take the plug out. He opts to leave it in and he lies down, shifting his body down slowly and inserting his legs through the hole. The flaps tickle his skin as they move along it and Bakugou lifts them up over his groin just as they go over his dick to protect it.

He’s finally feeling comfortable as he lies on the padding when suddenly he hears the door open and a familiar voice attracts his attention. “Hey, it’s me again.” The man from before says. “I’m going to strap you in, don’t freak out.”

He grabs Bakugou’s left leg and lifts it up. The blond feels cool leather being bound to his ankle. “Your partner’s at the door. He looks pretty excited. I told him you looked like you’d seen a ghost.”

“I did not!” He snarls back, his fists automatically clenching against the table.

“Sure.” He hoists up the other leg and straps him in. He tugs at his lower limbs to make sure they’re properly secured and then he claps his hands together. “Well, you’re all set here. I’ll get him to come in, then.”

Bakugou’s heart starts beating heavily again. He breathes in through his mouth to calm himself down, but it doesn’t seem to work. He’s bubbling with the need for something – he doesn’t know what – but he desperately wants to satisfy it.

He tries to relax and close his eyes, letting his head rest against the comfortable padding. He opens them again and looks at the ceiling as he waits, trying to find a pattern in the dirt stains on the white wall. He thinks about all the other people that have been there, just where he is right now, waiting or being fucked into the table, and that sort of makes him feel a little bit more at ease.

Suddenly he hears the door click open and he automatically tries to see who it is. He can’t, of course, since there’s a wall separating them. He did it on instinct since he feels very much vulnerable.

“Fuck that’s a nice arse.” A silky and smooth voice mutters. “Can’t wait to make a mess out of you.”

The blond’s first thought is ‘fuck, he sounds hot!’ as he tries to imagine what he looks like. He’s not very imaginative, though; he can’t even think of a face. A low chuckle forces him to concentrate on the man on the other side of the wall again. He hears a belt being unbuckled and his tummy contracts in excitement. Breathing irregularly and with his heart beating fast, he squirms impatiently in his seat.

“Oh, and you left the butt plug in, that’s a nice touch. I’m sorry, I’m going to have to remove this.”

“Yeah.” Bakugou whispers, his voice husky, tainted with lust. He nods as he says it, a small smile creeping up his face due to his excitement.

“You sound eager.” The man chuckles, and the blond feels warm hands against his cheeks. He nearly screams as nails drag over his skin. Instead he squirms against his restraints, the leather shackles rattling as his legs shake in them.

“Fuck, just seeing you like this makes me hard. And, oh, look at you! You really are keen!” The deep voice mutters, sounding aroused. The man presses a finger on the head of his dick, then quickly letting it go to watch it bounce up and down in its half-mast stage. Breathing through his nose, Bakugou clenches his teeth and waits for the stranger to fondle him in any way. It’s almost painful when the man’s fist circles his cock.

Gasping, the blond opens his eyes wide, a nice warm tingly sensation spreading from his groin to his heart. He spasms uncontrollably as the stranger plays with his cock and balls, one hand stroking his shaft from base to head and the other fondling his scrotum tenderly. A groan gets caught in his throat and Bakugou contracts his body in pleasure.

The blond feels himself grow as he’s teased. The stranger’s hands are like magic and he flutters his eyes closed, letting a deep sigh leave his mouth. The hand on his balls stops moving in a circular motion and leaves his body altogether. Bakugou’s pissed off about this, and he’s about to retort with a snarky comment when the man starts pumping his dick harder, making the other completely unable of using his mouth.

The stranger’s fingertips ghost over Bakugou’s rim and the blond almost bucks his hips against the table. They haven’t even started yet, why is he so excited and impatient?

The next thing he feels is the butt plug being slowly pulled out of his hole. He breathes in deeply as he fights the need to whimper. He clenches his teeth and tries to fight his legs shaking when the other man gropes at his exposed skin. The plug finally comes out with a sloppy plopping sound that resonates in his ears.

“Fuck, I want to be in you so bad…” The stranger mutters huskily, inserting one of his warm fingers inside of Bakugou’s lubed up hole. The blond inhales sharply, trying to arch his back against the table and the restraints, but finding it impossible to.

He hears a low chuckle behind him. “Why won’t you talk? I wanna hear your sweet voice.”

“Shut up and just fuck me already!” Bakugou snarls, trying to push his arse back against the hand.

The man howls in laughter. “Eager little thing you are, aren’t ya! I like it.”

But this time he takes the blond’s advice and shoves another finger in, twisting them upwards and bending them slightly.

“You did a good job.” The other purrs, moving his digits agilely. It nearly forces a moan out of Bakugou. “You stretched yourself out pretty well.”

The blond wants to snarl at him, but he can only muster up a small grunt as he feels the fingers spreading him apart. He closes his eyes and inhales sharply, a warm feeling travelling through his body.

“Oh, do you like this?” The man whispers, trying to insert another. This third digit squeezes in and makes Bakugou’s hole burn with want.

“You fucking arsehole!” The blond pants, struggling to inch his behind forward, trying to get the other to touch him more, like he needs, desperately.

“You really do have such a lovely arse.” The other mutters, ignoring him completely. He slowly takes his fingers out and Bakugou makes a strange noise, like an abandoned puppy. He aches to have those thick digits inside him again, spreading him further and igniting the fire of desire that he craves.

But the other man has decided he wants to play with him, and he trails his hands over his soft cheeks, humming to himself. It’s a song the blond thinks he recognises, but whatever part of his brain that was concentrating on remembering where he’d heard it before stops working when the stranger slaps him with his open palm.

Bakugou’s breath hitches in his throat and he throws his head back, a loud thumping noise resonating in the small room he’s in as it collides against the table. Tears spring to his eyes but he closes them to not let them wander down his cheeks. It’s not pain, it’s the desire to feel the other man, to taste him, to be wrecked by him.

He hears fumbling on the other side of the hole and then he’s smacked again. His cock bobs up and down, rocked by the spanking. Then another and another, and the blond has to close his eyes tightly and clench his teeth so the little noises begging to come out of him don’t betray him.

“Let your voice out already~!” The man whispers, his palm ghosting over Bakugou’s cheek. The blond’s breath hitches again because he can feel the warmth emanating from the other’s hand and it feels like the anticipation is going to kill him. “And I’ll give you what you want.”

His voice sounds so raw, so animalistic that it makes Bakugou’s dick even harder. He likes how dominant he’s being with him.

The man lowers his hand and rests it against the blond’s arse, giving the cheek a soft squeeze before it quickly disappears again. Surprised, Bakugou opens his eyes wide and lets out a little gasp. A few seconds later, he feels the palm slapping him with much more force than before and he thrusts his hips up, squirming against the restraints.

“Don’t pull too hard,” the voice on the other side chuckles “or you might just set yourself free by accident.��

“Not gonna happen.” Bakugou grunts.

“Mmhmm.” Is the only response he gets before he stops feeling the other’s hands on his skin. His tummy quivers in excitement, but a part of him is terrified, thinking he’s scared the stranger off.

Not even a few seconds later, he hears a weight drop. He feels breath against his lubed up rim, and a wet warmth crawls up his left arse cheek. A shiver goes down his spine and his toes curl in unexpected pleasure.

The mouth stops its adventure, pausing before it takes a large bite of Bakugou’s skin. The blond squeaks uncharacteristically, his hands balling into fists and hitting the table beneath him.

“Oh.” The stranger mutters, pulling his mouth and sharp teeth away from him. “That was interesting.”

“Fu-fucker!” Bakugou pants, closing his eyes in defeat. “Fuck you!”

“You’ve got a wide vocabulary.” The man chuckles, his voice lacking the sarcastic tone it should’ve had. He clears his throat. “Anyway, I should be the one fucking you.”

He pauses for a second before going in for a second bite.

“I swear I’ll-!”

“It’s just so much fun to play with you.” The stranger mutters, using one finger to trace Bakugou’s rim while his other hand gives a prompt slap to the possibly already bruised cheek.

Inserting his digit into the blond, he sinks his teeth into the other cheek, a bit harder this time.

“I drew blood.” He whispers, pulling away. “I’m sorry.”

Bakugou considers biting his tongue, but he huffs, letting his head roll on the table. “If you’re going to be doing it, do it properly.” He mutters, bashful.

“What? I’m sorry dude, I didn’t catch that.”

“I said,” Bakugou raises his voice, frowning as he forces himself to speak. “Don’t fucking apologise for marking me or whatever. I can take a little blood. Fuck… I kinda like it.”

“Oh!” He hears, followed by a small chuckle. “I see.”

The stranger bites closer to the taint, an area that is strangely even more sensitive for the restrained blond. His breath gets caught in his throat and saliva pools in his mouth. “Mmm!”

“Yeah, that’s more like it!” The other cheers, quickly removing the finger. Bakugou feels empty as the warm digit vanishes, but the sudden change in the stranger’s voice makes his tummy leap. “Are you ready?”

‘I’ve never been readier.’ He thinks to himself, feeling the stranger’s impressive girth fill him up. He’s not only big, but also thick, and it’s not an easy fit. He trembles as he hears the man groan, in either pleasure or exertion, but the sound is like music to his ears.

The blond draws in a long breath, clenching his teeth and shutting his eyes tightly.

“Mmmm, you’re tight. It feels good.” The man hums, and Bakugou couldn’t agree more. It feels like home.

The stranger doesn’t begin to move until he’s fully inside of him, his balls pressed against the back of Bakugou’s arse, but when he starts it draws out a long moan from the blond. He sets up a brutal pace, forcing the other to grab onto the table to secure himself.

The sweet gasps that spill from the stranger’s mouth make Bakugou’s stomach twist deliciously. He loves all the sounds the man inside him is making, from his grunts to his moans and he tries to fuck himself on his dick just to elicit more pleased noises from him.

“You’re doing so good, baby.” He whispers huskily, giving an especially hard thrust upwards. “Yeah, work those hips for me. Want me to cum inside you?”

The thought makes Bakugou whimper, and suddenly the man stops.

“What was that sound?” The stranger seems beyond pleased with himself, almost cocky.

“N-nothing.” Bakugou sounds hoarse when he speaks. He clears his throat before talking. “Hurry up, then, fuck me already.”

“Only if I get to hear that pleasant sound again. Will you whimper for me, baby?”

Now, the way this man says that last word almost makes the blond cum. It sounds so delicious and confident, yet caring and dominant. Bakugou wouldn’t mind hearing those words from that voice for the rest of his life.

“Make me!” He manages to retort, his voice gruff and strained.

The stranger chuckles behind him. “Gladly!” Not a second later, the thrusting begins again, harder and faster than before. Bakugou is being pounded into the table, and he loves it.

He honestly hadn’t expected to enjoy it this much.

The stranger angles his thrusts upwards and Bakugou throws his head back, groaning open mouthed as the man hits his sweet spot over and over with increased force. He mewls and whimpers, incoherently babbling about how good it feels. His mind is foggy, and his mouth is dry, his arms shaking as he takes the brunt of the thrusts. He tries to think of the boy he met all those years ago, feeling himself bordering an orgasm. He’s not quite there yet, he just needs a little push.

“Touch me!” Bakugou pleads, his legs shaking in their constraints as he tries to kick his way out.

“I can’t hear you!” The stranger sing-songs teasingly.

“I said fucking touch me already!” The blond snarls, sweat dripping down his forehead. “It’s agonising!”

A low growl comes from the other side of the wall and Bakugou’s tummy leaps in excitement. It’s followed by his own groan as he feels a hand falling to his forgotten dick, fingers wrapping tightly around it. A small yelp escapes him as the man combines a hard thrust with a quick wrist movement and the blond’s seeing stars, his good spot having been hit.

He’s mewling and whimpering with each slow movement the other makes. The stranger is purposely dragging out each thrust, gyrating his hips and angling them, aiming to make Bakugou cry. He’s doing a good job – the blond feels tears threatening to sprout from his eyes. There’s force behind each advance, which makes up for how slow he’s being with his plunges.

Bakugou aches with the need for release. He desperately paws at his bare chest, wishing to somehow alleviate the desire he feels. It’s not enough and he groans in agony, digging his nails into his skin to have something to grab onto as he feels a strong climax approaching. Sparks ignite in his vision and the blond mewls, his hips rutting against the table, trying to increase the speed of his dick fucking his fist.

The stranger is relentless with his force and his thrusts, and Bakugou quickly finds himself nearing his peak, moans and whimpers unconsciously escaping from his mouth as tears begin to roll down his cheeks.

“Cum for me baby.” The stranger nearly shouts. His voice feels so close yet so far away and the blond has never longed to be facing anyone more in his life. Honestly, he just wants to be grabbed, held in place as he’s brutally pounded into oblivion. He wants his mouth on his, the other's hands to cup his face so that they can look into each other’s eyes. It feels like their souls are connected like this, that they’ve known each other for centuries. He can feel everything this man has to offer just by his thrusts alone. He doesn’t know what he looks like but he doesn’t care because this stranger is making him feel everything the boy he loves made him feel and Bakugou bursts into screams as he climaxes, tears in his eyes.

He gets lost in the pleasure and in the high just as the memories of his love invade his brain, igniting his soul as he lets his release take him away. He’s vaguely aware of the other man groaning, his voice slowly sounding higher before it peaks in a final drawn out moan, his dick growing slightly thicker before exploding inside of him.

Bakugou hears a thumping noise, which he presumes is the stranger's body slumping against the wall. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back against the table, feeling spent. His breathing slowly becomes more regular. He moves his fingers, as if to feel them again.

He hears a low muffled voice, but doesn't understand what the man's saying.

There’s semen all over his stomach and his feet feel weird, like detached from his body. He’s not sure he can move, even if he loosened the restraints.

“Are you okay?” the man whispers, his voice soft and obviously worried. “Can I get you anything?”

“I…” Bakugou tries to catch his breath, scrambling to get up. His hands slip on the top full of his sweat and he curses lightly. “I’ve never been better.”

“Told you I could get you to whimper.” The stranger chuckles, but it sounds forced. After a slight pause, he asks: “Want me to unshackle you?”

Closing his eyes and smiling softly, he nods. “Yeah.”

The stranger undoes one leg, grabbing it tenderly and guiding it towards the padded table, so it can rest comfortably. He does the same with the other and Bakugou sighs, relieved. It feels good to stretch them again after being in that forced position for so long. He’s dying to get into a sitting position, but he feels like he can’t and he decides not to push his body.

“Want me to clean you…?”

“Nah, I’ll do that at home. You’re not going to do a good job here anyways.”

“I… your butt plug. Do you want me to put it in?”

“Could you?” Bakugou asks, his voice merely a whisper.

“I’m sorry for coming inside you.” The stranger coos lovingly. His voice is gentle and warm, like he's trying to sound soothing. The blond feels a finger carefully prodding at his hole before the now cold butt plug's pushed inside of him. It sends a shiver down his still tingly spine.

“It’s okay.”

“I… I should leave. I hope you enjoyed it. I know I sure did.”

‘It was amazing.’ The blond wants to stay, but instead just swallows hard. He hears fumbling on the other side of the hole and then footsteps. The door opens and closes and Bakugou finally hears nothing, except the loud sound of his heartbeat.

“Yeah.” He whispers to himself, seating himself on the slightly damp table. “It was unbelievably good.”

Slowly, he takes his legs out of the hole, wincing slightly at how stiff they are. He bends them over the table just to get them to move a bit before throwing his head back and sighing. Laughing, he lets the stress dissipate from his body. He’s so glad he went through with this and let that man wreck him. His body is sore but he hasn’t felt this good or happy in years. He smiles, looking at the now dark room on the other side of the hole, and suddenly, it clicks.

The song.

A memory of that night under the stars, a beer in between his thighs, where he put it to rest before leaning in to kiss the only person he’s ever loved.

The voice.

His voice.

Bakugou opens his eyes wide, a gasp escaping his parted lips. Frantically, he gets off of the table, only to fall onto the floor immediately. Swearing and snarling, he gets up, his legs still wobbly and weak from his orgasm.

He manages to push his body towards his clothes and he puts them on as fast as he can. As soon as he’s dressed, he grabs his phone and opens the app, clicking on the ‘recent chat’ button, but there’s nothing there.

He’s gone.

#another hole in the wall #kiribaku #bakushima #bnha #my fanfiction #my writing #bnha fanfiction #kirishima #bakugou #kirishima x bakugou #collab #anakito #anakito's art

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