#I’m trying so hard not to be rude
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I need any sandersides update. It’s been 3 years. I need some plot development.
#I’m trying so hard not to be rude#I feel like I can’t talk about it seriously without being rude#I need anything#I understand the artistic process#writing and publishing is hard#three years#I love incorrect quotes#I love behind the scenes#I just need something
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could you imagine holding that much hatred in your heart. like it’s one thing to dislike her it’s an entirely other thing to go out of your way and spend your time and effort to work yourself up to insulting someone you’ve never met and don’t have the emotional capability of understanding
sending this to big swifity blogs. People are mass hating Taylor on time magazine Instagram post on her and petitioning for her to get removed. A source said Taylor was getting upset by it. And even if the source was wrong Taylor probably is upset seeing THAT much hate. Let’s all go to time magazines Instagram and spam some love!! The hates really gross.
Nope. There is no such thing as mass hating Taylor. It's really just fans that's delusional about her untalented ass. She's bought every American media that's why she's on there. The worst writing and interview in the history of the world and she's placed herself perfectly there. So the world is laughing and clamoring that the magazine is tone deaf because Taylor fucking Swift is so dumb she can only talk about her revenge and nothing else. The woman is in deep shit of delusion and needs psychiatric help. Nearly 20 years in the industry and still can't write decent lyrics, still can't sing properly, can't dance for a living, is pushing 40 but can only talk about her high school reputation and vengeance to her exes. The woman declared I love you to Matty racist, despicable Healy after breaking up with Joe which was in a relationship with for more than 6 years. And psychotic enough to hard-launch her relationship on a fucking football game. She's a cheat. She's a liar. She's psychotic. No one should idolize this stupid woman but I guess her fans are really just a reflection of her.
Wow……..
#i’m trying so hard not to be rude#also if you’re gonna post something with that much venom have the balls to say it with your whole chest instead of posting anonymously
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I was sitting outside feeling sick and this group of middle schoolers came out from behind me wishing me a good evening and all I could do is tell them individually “you too, thank you” in the most awkward way 🧍♂️ what was thatttttt
#pix habla#I didn’t want to be rude#augh I wish I didn’t feel sick I feel kinda dumb 🧍♂️ I’m just trying so hard to keep food down and also the anxiety down#I know my face got red from being embarrassed too which made it worse 💀 I just don’t know how to react to random people being nice#well idk if it was a prank or them being very polite but I’ll choose to believe the latter because… why would it be a prank#anxiety you can sit this one out#this new generation is skibidi polite I guess 👌
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i bring a sort of opening my mouth to ask simple innocent questions and make harmless comments to a public room that my acquaintances don’t really like
#don’t stare at me like a deer in headlights and make me feel like an intrusive weirdo freak. do you want me to just kill myself#i am trying so hard out here to be a person come onnnn i’m not even being weird you’re just being rude#because i am not one of your friends you don’t care about my existence#ARGHGHHGHGHGH am i the problem or not#peach rambles
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really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).
#storyrambles#it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance.#this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun#flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun#but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean#‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid#I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no.#‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask.#‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours.#‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works.#sorry for the rant im just. tired.#you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard#and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves?#yeah. that’s this friend here.#usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit#and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them#I am not going to play along.#UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’#I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me#it’s uncomfortable.#also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID#will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I?#(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.)#I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day.#‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’#first of all. that’s different?#secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves#also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so.#ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible.#but UGHHHHHH
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I think all dogs should be taught to blatantly ignore (offer handler focus) whenever the public tries to interact with the dog without asking the handler first
Imagine how beautiful the world would be if every time a person tried to touch a dog without asking the dog walked tf away. Their ignorant behaviour would never get reinforced and eventually, they’d be forced to ask instead (or stop trying altogether)
#I LOVE when people just try to talk to Yoshi or touch her when we’re on off duty walks#because she has 0 interest in strangers unless I’ve told her to go say hi#so they try oh so hard#and do the whole all dogs love me#and Yoshi just walks away and stares at me#like#nah I’m not interested in Rude Ignorant people like You thanks
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oh my fucking god lee are you seeing these rumors about esteban allegedly getting into physical fights and being difficult to work with? why the fuck are people just blindly believing one anon’s claims? like what fucking evidence is there for this shit? why would they renew esteban for 3 years if this shit was true? i’m genuinely getting really pissed off rn with this whole situation
and if people want to call it pulling the race card then fine but it makes me so uncomfortable that people are trying to painting someone with North African heritage as violent and aggressive…
are you fucking serious? i haven’t seen any of that and frankly i don’t believe any of it
although one things clear, the second anything negative is said about esteban whether there’s any evidence for it or not, people will absolutely jump at the chance to attack him. i saw so many people say they started hating esteban after dts and i was just ??? cause i thought we all agreed that we can’t just blindly trust dts?? and that most of it is bs?? but i guess when it’s esteban it’s a different story.
i try not reveal too much about my personal life on here, but as someone who has interned for multiple teams and circuits (and i mean A LOT), none of them have anything bad to say about esteban ever, almost every employee who has ever interacted with him has said how he’s so sweet and grateful and always makes sure to thank everyone around him, and when i interacted with him briefly, still in the context of working at a circuit, he was so welcoming and friendly. (and that’s honestly the reason he’s my fav)
people will always tell poc that we’re pulling the race card so atp speak your truth. f1 is so predominantly white and they will never listen to a single thing we say ever, i’ve seen so many people say we’re over dramatic for bringing up the racism and that there isn’t any but that’s also the same shit my white friends told me when i was the only poc in the friend group and they were excluding me so what does that say about them.
you’re so 100% right about how the portrayal of esteban as aggressive and violent is due to racism because there is quite literally no other reason for it. “oh it’s cause he’s aggressive on track” yeah, so is every other fucking driver cause it’s a fucking race, fuck right off i’ve never seen this shit with other drivers
#i’m so exhausted#being a poc in motorsports is so… ugh#i’m also trying very hard to not go into tangents about race theory#if you disagree#i am open to having conversations but if you’re gonna be rude or racist to me then i will block you#also i wanna say#the JOKES about esteban and pierre getting into fist fights are funny#i’m not referring to those#and that’s very obvious#just before anyone says anything in my notes or asks#also i won’t say more on working with teams and circuits#i really do prefer to keep my personal life private#attention acquired!
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to be so honest im starting to think i really need to see a professional for my social anxiety
#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#it is so bad in ways i can’t even articulate but today i felt sick over having to send one text message and procrastinated the entire day#i’ve gotten so bad recently#and that’s not even a fraction of the texts i need to reply to.. i feel like im crumbling under the weight of how awkward i am#and i hate it because im sure everyone thinks i’m rude and i know it comes off as so weird when i reply to a text fucking SIX WEEKS late#but i genuinely feel so awful and guilty over it i just cannot make myself do it. i’m so scared ill say the wrong thing or fuck up#or i just forget because i have memory issues but it’s awful all the same and i feel so terrible#and i assume everyone hates me until i see them again because i never texted back and it makes me feel like an awful person#but i have good intentions and i really just want to give everyone the kindness they deserve but i get so scared to talk to ppl it’s crazy#it’s so awful. i really need it fixed it feels like it’s rotting my soul and ruining my relationships#people will be so nice to me and then i just don’t get back to them… it’s horribly horribly rude and i know it i just get terrified#or i forget most the time i really do just forget but it feels bad all the same#i think it stems from like.. i don’t want to say the wrong thing so i need to think hard about what to say but then i forget or get so ->#caught up in trying to say the perfect thing that i get overwhelmed and procrastinate then forget entirely#i’m an awful person i truly cannot stand myself#i guess the only way forward is to just be better in the future but fuck i feel so guilty
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sometimes i wonder if Miguel ever has moments of “what am i” in a mixed race and ethnicity way. Because Mexican-Irish bc of Conchata and George but with the whole thing with Tyler, do you think he’s ever like “Well I’m not part Irish at all then” and very conflicted about it? Because on one hand he’d love to have less connection with George but he also feels like he’s just throwing away part of himself??? Or with Conchata, his relationship with her is so damn complicated (i love it) and overall negative but I don’t think he’d ever just distance himself from his Mexican side because his mother is more than just “his Mexican side”. I DO think i’m overthinking it bc I can’t really remember if he ever said/mentioned anything dealing with this in the comics and i just wanna latch onto any part that’s relatable, but i really wanna know how Miguel thinks about himself in that regard 😭😭 but he’s probably too busy and stressed with other things to even consider that lol don’t need another problem on his plate
#miguel o’hara#spiderman 2099#spider man 2099#like sometimes i just don’t really identify with any white part of me because like. white peiple just didn’t really get me or seem to like+#me growing up. and then my dad’s side of the family was the ���lol you are so white’ type to little me and trying to include me in black +#culture. which i did appreciate!!! but it was very rude and pushy the way they went about it at the time#so i ended up not identifying with the white or black parts of me#and like that really gets you thinking and messes you up for a bit as a kid#and by the time i was more in tune or involved i was just painfully awkward and always felt like i was trying to hard. i’m better about it+#now but like damn. it was brutal LOL#like my bad experiences with that side of the family is more than just ‘my black side’ it’s SO much more than that. but like it’s kinda+#complicated and difficult to explain and understand#and yknow i was just wondering if Miguel ever felt like that?#m&m posts
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#ok so mini rant session#i am doing a bit better today - little less distraught over getting fired from a job i thought i was doing pretty good at and i was trying#really hard and genuinely enjoying#and just more baffled because truly i had no warning and i was completely blindsided#i was in the middle of a 3 month trial and i would have a review at the end in which i would be offered a permanent position if it went well#and i thought i was making my way towards that! granted i was still making mistakes but genuinely not of such a great scale i thought it#called for my immediate dismissal#that being said i was still VERY MUCH IN TRAINING. i had only been there A MONTH AND A HALF learning COMPLETELY NEW SYSTEMS#and i was told that i had been there a few weeks already and that i wasn’t catching on quick enough. that there were some areas i was#understanding and others i just simply wasn’t#and i asked what areas specifically so that i could learn more and try harder#and they didn’t give me a specific answer.#ok and so. so. i have this insecurity.#that at first impression people will like me. that they may think i’m pretty or kind or funny or whatever#but then they spend time with me or get to know me and realize that that’s all bullshit.#that i’m actually not pretty and im mean and loud and selfish and lazy and rude and etc etc etc#MASSIVE fucking insecurity in that like that’s why i genuinely don’t have friends or a significant other#and that genuinely i’m just a Bad Person#and when i was fired? i was told ‘a persons true colours show after a few weeks’#so that’s MAJORLY fucking me up.#when i was hired i was boasted to about my boss’s hiring process and how she’s ’only been fooled twice’#and the morning before i was fired in a meeting my supervisor told everyone that i was doing quite well.#so yeah i truly had no fucking warning. at fucking all.#hurt and confused and angry and baffled and did i mention hurt#anyways if you’re still here i’m sorry i know this is not a good look for me
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Man I just give up.
#dora daily#if only there was a way to just stop everything#idk if I want to die but I want everything to stop#like so many times I go out or smth and something bad happens#or I get triggered in public and I try so hard not to lose myself and start drama in public but I just can’t#every time I show any emotion people start laughing#I can’t even try to stop myself from bawling in the middle of the store without someone#just being so insensitive and rude and diminishing how I feel#you know I say I’m never mad and that is true bc I may seem mad a lot online but I’m not like this irl#but for the first time I actually got mad at someone irl and I was literally gonna beat him#I was genuinely seething so bad it’s not fair and things keep getting worse and worse#I was so close to just throwing this stupid phone and shattering it and ripping up those dumbass#birthday cards they sell in the store#and that stupid bitch of a sister I have is so fucking stupid#she sees someone anxious and incredibly upset and she acts like that ? fuck her#like bro idek how I have lived for this long and idek why I don’t go and just overdose on SOMETHING right now because#logically speaking I should just give up#but I don’t know why I can’t#like please my life is literal shit okay is replying on time so hard for you to fucking do so I don’t go even more insane fuck all of youuuu#UGHHHDJSOS#I SWEAR TO GOD I am so sick of this just you all wait#none of you deserve normal treatment all you deserve is something even worse than ghosting#just you wait let this stupid semester end and I’ll deactivate my socials go speak to the fucking wall you morons#you think I’m gonna wait around what are you paying me to be here ? if anything IM paying with my sanity#like if this was related to a spouse who was a billionaire but he was treating me as shittily as you guys treat me then I’ll say fine#at least I’m getting something out of this transaction who gives a fuck#but im not getting paid#im not receiving support#I’m getting laughed at and ignored#and used only at YOUR CONVENIENCE !!! what the FUCK ! I don’t exist for anyone and certainly not yall even if I did.
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seriously though i’d suspected for a long time that that girl disliked me but holy shit the trip really erased any lingering doubts i had
#she was sooo passive aggressive like she’d make a point of ignoring me and only me in group discussions#and whenever i addressed her (which was not very often obviously) she’d just roll her eyes and give one word answers#she flaunted her status and tried so hard to be “quirky” to the point where no one really cared about it at all#“my dad gets paid in usd” “my dad’s flown business” “i lived in malaysia i can handle this heat” “i’m just a girl” every day like. ok.#her rudeness was kind of funny in a weird way because this was during our second last week of school ever#you’re trying to start beef NOW? when you’re literally never going to see me again??? 💀#roisin chats
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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ok i dont mean to be annoying bc i already commented but can i pls pls pls be added to the taglist for cantaloupe island !! 🙏🙏🥲 my credentials are that i luv atsumu and am a piano player
Yes!!!! I already have you added! No worries and you aren’t being annoying at all! For anyone else confused if you reply on my post and I don’t answer I still added you!
#mo moments#also I was trying really hard not to sound mean or anything in this#so I’m sorry if I come across as rude#NOT TRYING TO AT ALL#LOVE YOU!
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made a birthday post for my grandma yesterday since no one else remembered it and immediately afterwards my sister made one and really drilled in hard about how she named my newest niece after her. and idk. I’m still upset. I’ve been crying off and on about it because like. I know it wasn’t right but my grandma would tell anyone who listened how I was her favorite grandchild (and tbh I think besides it just being true she did that bc she knew how awful my mom and sister were to me) and would brag on me constantly. and my sister did nothing but talk about how annoying my grandma was and say the worst things about her right before she died. but yet she loved her so much that she forgot her birthday 2 years in a row so I mean clearly she just had to take the name I fought with her over during her first pregnancy. I’m so glad I’ve had my cousin throughout all of this because otherwise I’d feel legitimately insane. She’s been amazing at reminding me how much grandma loved me and helping reinforce that grandma and I DID have an agreement that she wanted ME to name my daughter after her if I ever had one. Everything my sister does though feels so spiteful. Like I love my niece so much and it just sucks that I can’t even spend time with her without being reminded of how much my sister wants to hurt me. I don’t blame the baby though. Like it hurts and makes interacting with her a little difficult but she’s innocent. And the thing is I wouldn’t have even minded if she named her that out of genuine love and respect for my grandma but I know she didn’t. From not letting anyone be with my grandma in the hospital when she died to putting her ashes in my fucking mailbox to telling me that my grandma hated me and I didn’t do enough for her to telling me how awful I was for taking a week off to implying I should’ve been there even tho she lied to me about her being in the hospital to withholding photos she promised me of her to ruining my grandmas house (she lets my 5 year old niece write all over the walls and keeps a million fuckin farm animals like ducks and chickens and turkeys inside when grandma didn’t even let dogs in) to asking the preacher at her funeral to say some pointed remarks about me being no contact with my mom to now using her daughters name as a direct slight against me I can’t help but feel like all she wants to do is weaponize my dead grandma against me without even worrying about how disrespectful she’s being to her as long as it hurts me. I haven’t even tried talking to about my nieces name because after confronting her about my grandmas passing I know it’ll do nothing to actually remedy anything and will just lead to even more explosive fights where I know she’ll just double down on saying things she know will hurt me. And I don’t want to argue about my grandma. I don’t want to use her memory for something disrespectful. It doesn’t feel right and doesn’t feel like honoring her in any way that she’d appreciate. I just want her to be respected. I want her name to be used for something kind and loving instead of spiteful. Because ultimately that’s what she was. My kind and loving grandma. Not a tool to cause arguments and tension. She was always the mediator in the family and I can’t help but think how disappointed she’d be to know her passing has been used in the way it has to further drive a shift in the family.
#idk it’s all just a lot and I wish more than anything I had my grandma back right now#I know she was a lil grouchy towards the end and probably did say some things that were a little rude about me but she was literally dying#and I can’t be upset with her for that. especially because she always apologized and made sure to tell me she loved me and that she didn’t#mean none of it. that things were just getting to her and she shouldn’t act like that#and I understand that and know it to be true but when my sister uses the things my grandma said out is frustration#or things I know she never would have said about me at all to hurt me. it works#like I can’t count how many times my grandma told me word for word that I was ‘the only one who wasn’t mean to her and was patient’#or that my sister ‘didn’t know how to wash her right’ so it was always a ‘treat’ when I did (which I did often after hearing that)#or that I was the only who’d make/get her food that she liked to eat and spoiled her#idk I could keep on but it feels like I’m trying too hard to justify what my sister said wasn’t true#idk maybe i just want a reminder. somewhere to look at in case I ever doubt myself again
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I’m being so brave about it. <- enough annoyance to poison the sea, beaching whales and washing the shores in millions of rotting fish
#ra speaks#personal#I try. I try soooo hard to assume everyone has the best intentions. that they’re just kinda oblivious when they say or do something rude.#but this guy……god help him. god help me.#*shaking him by the shoulders* we’re adults! stop being petty and avoidant! you got something to say you best say it with your whole chest!!#don’t pussy foot around a topic like you’re trying to bait me into picking a fight! especially not in fucking [redacted] club!!!!#like. time and place my dude.#yall I woke up at 4 drove 2 hours at 6 was at a conference until 4:30 got home around 6:30 went to [redacted] club for 7:00#(without a real dinner mind you) and this guy either a) decided to subtly bait me or b) is just kinda immature and petty#or c) can’t read the fucking room. Christ. give me patience. and less memory.#it would be wayyyy less aggravating if he wasn’t part of the group that did the whole. flight 114 thing.#so I can’t tell if I’m being sensitive or he’s trying to get under my skin on purpose#which makes it sooooo much harder to stick w my ‘always assume good intentions and obliviousness’ mantra
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