#I’m too tired to be allowed to post rn

[ethereal-maia]

im like if a girl saw the Barbie movie yesterday and started hyperventilating and sobbing and laughing all at once (silently) as soon as the credits started playing and didn’t stop crying for 6 minutes afterwards

[fushiguruuzzzz]

KAGEYAMA is not a clingy boy.

At least… not until he’s sick. Or tired. Or in this once in a lifetime occurrence, he’d fallen victim to both circumstances.

“Hey,” he mumbled, a raspy edge to his voice caused by both dreariness and the sore ache within. “Where… where’re you going?”

His arms tightened around you almost instinctively, strapping you down into the plush cushions of the couch as if you’d fade to dust otherwise. He lay at a 45° angle, legs tossed casually over the edge of the couch but body bending in impressive ways to get closer to you. His black hair was rubbed every which way—the tufts defying gravity itself, tickling your exposed skin as he shifted to get a better look at you. Even in his barely-awake state, his eyes held an intensity that would unnerve most, but only made your heart thump louder in your ribs.

“Was just gonna get a drink, Kags…” you said softly, a hint of amusement swirling around the edges of your words. “Am I allowed to do that?”

It took him a moment to process the tease, but when he did, his eyes dropped to the way his arms were locked around you and he was suddenly all too aware of his cheek pressed to your shoulder. A light pink dusted over his cheekbones. “Yeah,” he replied, mentally scolding himself afterwards for how defensive it sounded as it left his lips. His arms loosened in the slightest, but your hand placed gently on his bicep made him halt the movement.

You chuckled. “M’just playing around. I don’t mind when you get all sucky like this.”

His lips parted, inky brows knitting together and the red on his face deepening. “I’m not-“ He cut himself off with a second glance at your positions. He was clinging to you like some sort of marsupial, limbs intertwined in knots that would take ancient masters years to detangle. “Just… shut up.”

You laughed again, and if it weren’t for the gentle squeeze you gave him, he might’ve glared harder. But your touch was tender and your laugh silky smooth, sugary sweet and flowing through his veins. It was a soft whisper in his ear telling him that maybe, just this once, he could be selfish. He could be clingy.

a/n: 1:18am rn we 🆙 forgive me if this is cheeks because obviously my brain is not at full capacity. Posting later in the day though because I just posted that Kenma smau thing and I don’t wanna mess with the algorithm too much.

Gen/hq tags: @sh0ot1ngst4r @azinniyaa @kashee-h @fiannee @bubybubsters @lizbix @mayyhaps @adoresia @aldebrana

[aliendes]

Hiii not sure if you’re taking requests rn!!! But I just read one of your posts (the Joshua request where reader performs at MAMA) & I loved it!!!

If youre taking requests, could you do fem!reader x scoups where reader suffers from scoliosis & has been struggling with daily pain with no relief (me rn 🥲 lol) I’m sorry that’s so specific 🤣

SVT Reacts to reader having chronic pain

a/n: omg thank youuuuuuu and hiiiii~! i def feel you on the chronic pain, tho i don’t have scoliosis, i have a dumb shoulder injury that can't be fixed and it flares up a lot. chronic pain havers unite! i made this not so specific and just focused on chronic pain in general rather than something specific so hopefully more readers can connect through it! feel better soon lovie!~

warnings: none?

S.coups

The king of boyfriend material, would do whatever you needed to help you feel better. After months of being together would know exactly what needs to be done before you even have to ask. Heating pad? Already on waiting for you. Hot bath? He’s running it with your favorite bath bomb when you walk through the door. Hungry? Food’s already ordered and on the way. Will definitely gives you massages every night before bed because he knows it helps you feel better and fall asleep faster. Someone please find me a man like this D:

Jeonghan

As a chronic pain haver himself, would always know you were in pain/about to be in pain by the way you start slowing down and the looks on your face. You wouldn’t even need to tell him and he would already be making his way over to whoever to tell them he’s the tired one and needs to head out. Will always let himself be the fall guy whenever you’re feeling bad, not wanting you to feel even worse about wanting to go home. Will take care of you subtly, always making sure you have your meds, drink enough water, and eat nutritiously. 

Joshua

This empathetic bean will hurt when you hurt, like almost literally. Will coo over you and try his damnest to make you feel better. If you’re having trouble walking will carry you to the bathroom, bedroom, the car?! Will say “why do you think I go to the gym so much” when you complain. Will call his mom and ask for home remedies for pain (she was a traditional medicine doctor, right?!) and follow her directions to a T to try and get you some relief. A sweet baby. 

Jun

He is definitely a panicker. When you’re in a lot of pain, will probably not know what to do and ends up calling Minghao or Jeonghan for advice. Will cuddle you and rub your sore back/limbs, will make you soup if you’re feeling icky, and will even help you shower/bathe when you’re in too much pain to do it yourself. Another super empathetic member, so when you’re in pain, he’s in pain too.

Hoshi

Another panicker lol. Will call his mom (like Joshua) and ask for advice on how to help. Might even call YOUR mom to ask for advice because they’re just close like that (fight me, Hoshi loves moms). Will order your favorite take out and watch your favorite movies with you when you’re having a rough day and will do absolutely everything in his power to make you laugh, even at his own expense. 

Wonwoo

A silent lover, but a fierce one. Will always be one step ahead of you when it comes to your chronic pain. Another sufferer of a chronic illness, so he understands the need to just be in the comfort of your own home. Will stay home with you when his schedule allows, let’s you just lay back on his warm body on the couch or bed and massage your shoulders while you watch movies or play games. Will have your medicines laid out for you each night to make sure you never miss a dose and insists on coming with you to each and every doctors appointment to listen to all the different ways he should be taking care of you. Takes notes on his phone.

Woozi

Another silent lover. If you’re feeling bad but he has to work, will either bring his work home and work from bed (while he lightly scratches your scalp, I’m melting at the thought), or if he can’t bring his work home, will bring you to his studio to relax while he works. Has a stash of soft blankets, a heating pad, meds, and snacks in his studio just for you. Will yell at Jeonghan when he tries to steal them because they’re for you. 

Dokyeom

Such a cuddle bug, you will not be able to get him off of you when you aren’t feeling well. Wants to be next to you 24/7 on a typical day, but when you’re in pain? All bets are off, he’s cancelled all the things he can, will order every meal to the apartment, and will NOT let you even think about opening your laptop to do work/school. Is literally doting on you the entire time, do not expect to lift a single finger when you’re feeling bad.

Mingyu

He’s a mix of panicker and another walking green flag. Would definitely panic the first few times, calling Seungcheol to help him out. But once he’s got the hang of your routines and your tells for when you’re about to be in a lot of pain, will know exactly what to do and be ready to do it. Very similar to Seungcheol in this way, but will home cook you anything you want because that is his love language. 

Minghao

I see Minghao being super perceptive and he will very likely know when you’re about to have an episode before you even do. Probably has your mom’s number on speed dial in case he needs to ask a question, but extremely calm like all the time. Tries to get you to do things like yoga with him on your good days in hopes it might help your bad ones. Carries things in his car that he knows helps you and will sit with you for however long you need whenever you are needing a break.

Seungkwan

Literally the sweetest. He can be super sarcastic and sassy, but when he knows you’re in actual pain, he will dote on you like a queen/king. Always making sure you are eating enough and drinking enough liquids with your meds. Another one who is close with your family and doesn’t hesitate to ask them how best to care for you. Have you seen this man’s hands? Gives the best massages, all you need to do is say something is sore and he’s on it!

Vernon

Another panicker, but silent panicker lol. Wont let you know he’s panicking, but gets legitimately scared every time your pain starts flaring up. Like, what can he do to make it better? He loves you so much and hates to see you in pain. Will lay with you for hours, talking about everything and nothing at all. Shows you his favorite comfort movies and shows that he will watch with you when you aren’t feeling good. Tries his hardest to make sure you’re comfortable wherever you are, whether that’s always having a place for you to sit, or just giving you his hoodie as a way to comfort you. 

Chan

Panicker! Poor baby does not know what to do at first, but after being together for a while he understands your tells. Even if you’re across the room from him, will see you wince because he’s literally always watching, and will bring you home right away. Has a bajillion pillows at his place because he knows you sleep better with them. Loves physical contact so will probably always have some sort of soothing contact with you. Knuckles up and down your arms, fingers in your hair, etc. etc. 

[salvatwh0re]

Hii Nina! First of all, I'd like to thank you for being so extremely kind, that's so nice of you, so thankyou sm.

So, what do you think was the last push for you which made you enter the void? Any tips for me? And how do you recommend waking up in the void aware, since I'm too tired of having to stay still for over 2 hours and still happening nothing.

Of course, sweetheart!

For me I think the “final push” was realizing the simplicity of the void state. After i stopped over complicating and and just meditated, set my intention, affirmed and let it happen it happened. I know it sounds simple, but once I did that and allowed myself to accept that fact that it can and will come easy and that i don’t have to do all these extravagant and specific things to tap in, my mindset and perception of the void state changed.

Before I changed my mindset, i truly believed I didn’t deserve to tap into the void state and that i had to work to tap into it and that it wouldn’t come easy for me because growing up i was taught that i had to work hard for anything that i wanted. But then i realized just how simple and “accessible” the void state is and that it’s a part of ME and that I control it and that i’ve tapped into the void every single day of my life and i just wasn’t aware of it. I’ll make a longer and more detailed post on that later cause i’m on a bit of time crunch rn, but I hope this short explanation helped!

[xemmez]

are you exhausted of trying to find a good systems-focused discord server and ONLY finding discourse pits? are you tired of joining system servers that are either WAY too negative or ONLY positive no negative allowed? do you feel like it’s difficult to find system spaces where you fit in due to your own unique complex relationship being a system? ME TOO‼️ and so do most of the systems i’ve spoken with over the years.

so, i finally cracked and made BRAINLOOP which is a cozy little discord server where all types of systems can discuss their own unique experiences, get advice from others, and post both their possible failures and accomplishments throughout their life. it’s difficult living as a collective of people, so it’s nice to find that support with likeminded individuals.

we have channels for everything you could think of AND also system discussion chats, no unnecessary discourse allowed. your identity is not an arguing point here — so PLEASE no syscourse individuals allowed, i’m begging. let us just talk about systemhood and Exist.

https://discord.com/invite/N9CZa2H7

(tumblr links aren’t working rn so you’ll have to copy and paste the link above)

[girlreblogger]

also to add to my previous post, when i say blk yn go through crazy situations im exaggerating but i mean (“cause me personally!!!!!!!!!!!”) allowing the character to be treated in certain manner and be put in “awkward” positions. i also want to say that the “situations” seem unfulfilling like i wanted to say in the first place.

because of the unsavory situations she is put in she legit has to have characteristics that are straight up unnecessary if the wellbeing of her character was prevalent. and i have to say that because of blk yn stories that it applies to. (and no ian talking abt how ppl be complaining abt yn being “ghetto” 😒)

drama, comfort, or for fun, is cool and dandy but it’s the same type of thing and i’m not tryna come for the plug stories like don’t nbgaf like omg i’m so tired of hearing bout them freaking stories.

to the ppl who still decide to ignore how damaging fr CERTAIN! blk yn fics y’all remind me of the ppl who support tyler perry movies simply because it’s for entertainment and “he’s telling a story” (that not everyone has)

yep. those things are true but an impact worse than good is being produced. like bffr.

and i feel conflicted by even saying that because some ppl obviously genuinely relate or find comfort in those stories but at what cost. like is comfort worth change and progression?

me rn:

some ppl just really don’t gaf and don’t care to want better. please don’t let the ppl who don’t gaf sway you. for the ppl who do, reblog nice fics or write. blow them up so other blk girls can find them. we deserve it.

there are so many blk fics where yn is not going through those things and if there is “drama” is solved or there’s a healthy resolve. (there’s so many blk writers who need to be publishing books fuck tumblr or ao3 and tryna get reblogs. with all that talent girl MAKE SOME MONEYYYY! YALL STUFF BE GOOD.)

i’m dead serious. why haven’t you thought abt it.

but yeah. it is what it is we have to put more work in to change as people in general. but i really just want my ppl to grow. ppl find comfort in fics for a reason. i really think a good balance of what everyone is looking for and needs should be found. i know ppl gonna feel like ppl telling them what to do but they prolly the ones who don’t want the change for wtv.. reason… ahem..

ppl feeling hit by what i said:

there’s obviously a problem and as a ppl! why can’t we just fix it. like at least try.

side note:

there’s so many ways to get drama. also the smut after arguing piss me off this is off topic cause it applies to a lot of ppl who make fics but like damn. y’all ain’t gon talk it out. and it be the most weird arguments and stuff and you wanna squeeze lemons after that???

idk that annoys me like everyyyy time? and i think smut after arguments can be well written but ….

anyways the blk ff community to damn big for us to be sitting here starving acting like we don’t have food in the refrigerator to make something.

get it together yall. youn want what’s in the refrigerator go get your keys and buy something.

i’m tired of this shit that’s why so many blk writers stop writing or ppl stop reading because it’s too much going on all for some damn fake characters we wanna imagine ourselves with.

and i know for some ppl it’s abt the followers and all that which i mean to each is own i mean

sigh i was tryna be proper and cordial but i really want better for us but it’s so many ppl who go too far or do too little. and some are so sheep that they go with someone else’s opinion too. you know you tired of all the toxic fics say sumn. you know you tired of ppl constantly bringing up yn being ghetto for no reason (that shit piss me off so bad i can’t. they be so close but so farr) say sumn.

me after thinking someone finna bring up how unnecessary struggle love/toxic/extra smutty blk fics are but they end up just complaining abt yn using aave:

anyways i’m ranting. i wanted to say what i felt.

muah

[tetraquark373]

Heya chat! Welcome in! ✨🐑

Hai hai! My name is Tetraquark_373, but I also go by "Nathaniel" or "Lambda" (the names of my shapesona and fursona respectively!)

You can also call me by a nickname: "Tetra", "Nate" or "Lamb"!

(Some older friends might still call me other older names, so please don't mind if that happens XD)

I'm a 19-year-old, half-Brazilian half-American, cisgender male, also living currently in Brazil, and I like to art, be silly and make friends! :D

I have a strong interest in Physics, Maths, music and video games overall, as well as writing and making stories, so if you'd like to discuss those, feel free to DM me or send an ask!

(Aaaalso, if you'd like, send me a random ask with a random question for me to try to answer! I LOVE YAPPING ABT SCIENCEEEEEEE)

More detailed info under the cut! (EXCESSIVE YAPPING WARNING!)

Important info to know before following/interacting

Firstly, I tend to be slow on posts and/or replies, but that doesn't mean I ignored you! I just happen to have pretty much an adult life with a job(as an English teacher! :D) and whatnot, while also managing my time online among different things I like to do, so all I ask for is a little patience ^^;

I don't mind billions of pings, but if you do so, pls do them without any excess pressure of sorts - I will eventually respond to you, and I might have already seen what you want to show me, as I quick check frequently.

Second, I don't mind suggestive jokes in DMs. I will not answer any asks that go even close to suggestive out of respect for others, but I'm fine with simple and mostly lighthearted stuff. I will avidly avoid any explicit content and/or inappropriate behavior whenever the subject is NSFW. 

I am fine with gore, however. I...am not (always) the most into gore(sometimes I love it tho X'D), but I'm fine with mild-to-high amounts of it lol. I'll avoid answering asks with those too, but I could reply to you in DMs still :3

I just like keeping respect with others XD

And lastly, I like being a lighthearted person! Idm talking about BIIIGG important topics or stuff, as I am a nerd, but please, refrain from problematic ones such as politics or the likes. I'd rather avoid those as I get either mentally tired or uncomfortable with them. Please be patient as I may get overwhelmed at times <:V

Fandoms I'm in

 - Just Shapes and Beats! (Fandom I’m the most active in rn)

- Undertale, Deltarune & Underverse! (I’ve been in these from the start of each! They're very important to me personally ^^)

- Geometry Dash!

- A Dance of Fire and Ice!

- Minecraft!

- Murder Drones!

- Angry Birds Go: Nitro! (Mod that allows you to play Angry Birds Go! again >:3 my brother assists in it!!)

- Brawlhalla!

- Horizon Zero Dawn!

- Detroit Become Human!

- Sonic the Hedgehog!

- Dandy's World! - ROBLOX Forsaken!

Fandoms I will be in (soon)

- Puyo Puyo Tetris

- Cookie Run Kingdom(I’m actually quite into it, I just haven’t managed to play the game yet :sob: ToT)

- ROBLOX Pressure(eeehhhh prooooobably)

Things I like (and like to do)

Studying(anything but above all Physics and Math), cycling & cooking(IRL), making art(I art on PowerPoint! :D), explaining random things, listening to music(EDM, lo-fi and classical are my personal favorites!), helping others, writing stories and making worldbuilds(I AM A HUGE YAPPER BEWAREEEEE), reading(nearly anything X'D), lore(I AM OBSESSED WITH LOREEEEE. Of anything, really!), being hyper, sci-fi and fantasy

Me as a person

I tend to be a pretty hyperactive and positive person, and I personally don’t mind sharing tons about myself as well. If you feel overwhelmed by my behavior or want me to avoid talking to you, feel free to do so! I tend to be more polite among people I’m still getting to know, so depending on the context and situation, I may be even more hyperactive around you XD (Asks are somewhat of an exception I WILL LAUNCH WAVES OF COOKIES IN EVERY JOKE/SILLY ASKBLOG I CAN FIND >:33333)

As mentioned before, I’m also quite slow. Part of the reason is due to my IRL life. I live pretty much an adult life dealing with work and sometimes drama IRL as well. While idm sharing nice things abt my IRL life, pls at least take note this does affect my online presence. Additionally, I love being attentive and appreciative of others, but may get overwhelmed or tired at times due to many factors. I’m running a small Discord server, have my online projects, help many friends of mine with their own, and still have that added layer of IRL responsibilities. Don’t get me wrong, tho! I love all of these things, they just may make me slow down or might motivate me to take breaks at times, since the Internet can be a tad bit overwhelming for me sometimes =<= But again, that’s most likely me just getting used to Tumblr still ^^; please do note I consider myself new to this platform still, my account is only a few months old

And if you’d like to approach me, feel free to do so! Send me asks(ASKS ABT SCIENCE STUFF OR SILLY ASKS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED HWEHWEH >:3333333333333333 I LOVE EXPLAINING STUFF OR GOING HAM AIDJWA /silly /vvpos) or DM me as well! I have no idea when am I gonna answer you but eventually I will ^^; As noticed from this intro as well, I tend to yap excessively at times, but mainly around ppl Ik well, ppl who show interest in anything I have to say, or just when sharing lore or smth abt my AU or smth XD Expect me also to be quite silly >:P

About my AU/Comic

I have a JSAB AU in the works called Geometrika( @jsabgeometrika )! I’ve been the past 3 to 6 months working out all the lore and plots, so there is quite a bunch I have to yap abt it XD I’m hoping to translate the story into a comic, as I haven’t published anything anywhere yet. I draw in PowerPoint mainly and hope to get my comic published with PowerPoint art still >:3 I’m not particularly the best at art, so I can’t guarantee the most amazing visual quality, but I am doing my best so the outcome contains at least a good story ^^ There will be many OCs from my friends included, so expect credits with considerable size XDDDD My production process might be slow for reasons stated above, but I’ve been doing my best to ensure it’s still going for the very least! As of now, I am running a QnA to which I’m a bit slow to answer, but am still working my best on it! Feel free to read the replies so far! Just no sending any new asks yet, there’s a little twist I’ll be adding soon ;3 I just need to answer a few more awaiting asks ^^; I share many more lore and plot bits in a personal Discord server, so if we're friends or have chatted enough and you would like to join, feel free to send DM!

Other socials

Discord - @tetraquark_373 (Social I am most active in) Toyhouse - Tetraquark_373 ( Here is the link ) Bluesky - @tetraquark-373.bsky.social ( Here is the link ) ROBLOX - @tetraquark_373( Here is the link ) YouTube - @tetraquark373 (It pinged myself :sob: anyways Here is the link ) (Yea I'm basically tetraquark_373 or a slight variation everywhere I might just have plenty of unused accounts :sob:)

[bombshelllblonde]

in honor of my recent disney trip:

rdr2 walt disney world modern au headcanons

(this accidentally got posted to my lesbian sex account so if you saw that…no you didn’t 🤠🥸)

-dutch is mad that the trip got booked in the first place. he is not a large crowd disney guy. he’s a “i need to sit with my back against the wall and plan our escape route” man. he is very angry that weapons are not allowed. it’s too expensive and he’s mad that they used the camp funds to pay for it.

-hosea is the disney dad. backpack full of snacks, sunscreen, cooling rags, the handheld fans that spray water, the batteries to replace the old ones in the handheld fans. you need tylenol? he’s got it. you’re lost and need to find the way to tomorrowland? he’s got the disney magic experience app up and ready for you. he has the itinerary written out perfectly and everyone has a copy. he has all the routes mapped out and he bought one of those “disneys best kept secrets” books. he used dutch’s credit card

-charles only ever wants to be in animal kingdom. he has the best luck with all of the animals; his calm presence always brings out everyone from their hiding spots. he knows all the fun facts about the animals and all the little kids think he works there, so he answers everyone’s questions. some disney parents want to give him a cast member compliment/shout out on the app but he just shrugs and says he doesn’t work there

-arthur is the head counter. he didn’t really want to go because he thought it was silly, but he is the one who is watching out for everyone. he assigned everyone a number in his head and he’s making sure they are all accounted for. when jack gets tired he throws him up onto his shoulders, and always has a cold water bottle available for any of the girls when they get too hot or thirsty

-john is all for the lightening lanes and scouring the app for the best rides. he forgets to add other people until abigail reminds him, but basically he has been booking himself on the big rides like tron, rockin roller coaster, tower of terror, etc. when he mentioned that he got the rides, arthur asked how many people he got them for and john only said he got a lightening lane for himself. abigail took his phone and john wasn’t allowed to use the app anymore

-javier is enamored with the princesses. he sees them all and isn’t creepy about them, but he thinks they’re all beautiful. jack isn’t interested in meeting the princesses at all so javier just sees them from afar and waves. he did walk by jasmine and he spoke spanish to her and made her swoon a little.

-in all the parks they have cooling stations where it’s just a giant machine that blows out cold misty water to cool down children. bill commandeered it. cast members have kicked him out but he manages to sneak back after shift change

-sean has been making sure that he takes jack to meet all the characters. he says he really wanted jack to meet timone from lion king, but in all honestly he and kieran made a bet to see if sean talked enough smack if timone would punch him in the face or not

-trelawny cries every time at the happily ever after fireworks in magic kingdom. he gets so many emotions and feels overwhelming joy at even the small parades (no i’m not projecting my own feelings onto trelawny rn 🙃)

-gaston flirts with ms grimshaw and it actually makes her blush. dutch feels rage and jealously almost immediately

“oh dutch he’s just playing a character!”

“susan, i don’t like the way he is speaking to you!!”

[materialgworlas]

Hey Siri how long has it been Sense

Materialgworlas posted

Siri: playing material girls by saucy Santana on Apple Music

Me:pauses music

You get what I’m try to say tho bestie YOU HAVENT GAVE US ANY SAUCE WERES THE SAUCE Please hook a sister up post POST PLEASE

Visitors From The Future- Satoru Gojo x Fem!reader

Synopsis: M kinda loving the whole Y/n gojo roommate canon so imam stick w it for now. SO imagine like u n gojo be arguing again, over sumn domestic like the nasty mf leavin skid marks or smthg😭 AND THENNN yall interrupted by sm1 at the door and its future nanami n yo future kids w gojo (Cuz of some mission into da future that takes place in da past… uh… YK WHAT FUCK THE LOGISTICS MAN JUST ALLOW IT). And gojo be smug as hell cuz he already got a lil crush on u so knowing yall get busy in da future is a major confidence boost.

GOJO AF

And like u in denial cuz u been resisting the urge to jump in this blind mice ahh mf’s bones for AGES

YO MANS😫😫

 anddddd u kinda feeling geto rn but yo kids r cute so u aint really complaining. And it’s just future nanami tired as hell cuz yo kids got gojo’s energeticness and ur stubbornness so they can’t be reasoned w😍

pov its bedtime🥰

JORDANA BBG HERE U GOOOOO😁 IM EXPECTING MY COMMISION IN DMS👹👹(yk what im talkin ab)

warning: uh da n-word? sm foul language, the readers black, gojo be simpin then foul at the end, poor suguru just wanted nyash, nanami deserves better than designated nanny AHAH GET IT NANANNY-MI REHEHEHE IM SO FUNNY-

☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

“I SWEAR TO GOD IMMA MURDER THIS FOOL!”

“Eughhhhh it’s not even that bad-“

“WDYM NOT THAT BAD MAN U SHAT UP THE WHOLE KITCHEN!!”

“Mf actin like its on the walls”

“…”

“What-“

“WHO THE FUCKKKK DO U THINK CLEANS THE DAMN APARTMENT GOJO!”

“Gojo?? I thought we were at that ‘Satoru’ level-“

“NIGGA STFU! Yo crusty ahh been fucking up my damn kitchen for WAY too long! Clean yo shit mf, last I checked slavery was over!”

“This is why we should get a maid.”

“WITH WHAT FUNDS!??!?! WE BROKE STUDENTS!”

“phhfft speak for yourself, im loaded.”

“Correction, was loaded. Until yo parents got tired of funding ur dookie lifestyle n cut you off.”

“…”

“reheh, gotcha nigga.”

“Ughhhhh I hate this.”

“Oh and u think I like wasting my breath?? Mf just clean the damn mess you made so ion have to yell.”

 “yeah, u only be yelling for Suguru these days...”

“NIGGA WHAT??”

“…” “U WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE U POMPOUS  CANT DO SHIT LIMP DICCK BEADY EYED FREAKK WITH YO WHITE HAIR GOT U LOOKING LIKE AN OLD ASS  EGG HEADED SLENDER MAN! CLEAN YO MAN MESS OR FUCKING LEAVE!” you practically roared, heavily breathing whilst a shocked Gojo stared at your angered form

Great, now you’ve done it

“yk what fuck this shit, I’m heading out.” you huffed before storming off to your room to get changed

You always take things too far, don’t you satoru. And the worst part is I only made that mess cause I was tryna make that weird dish Y/n loves, but I fucked it up n got embarrassed. God I gotta let go of this petty crush, I mean- shes literally hooking up with my best friend, by definition that should make Y/n off limits. But I just… She just so smart n funny n GAHD DAYM THAT ASS PHATT- but all I manage to do is piss her off. EUGH curse these damn feelings! Maybe ill call hoe#2 later to de-stress, she doesn’t mind when I say the wrong name at least-

“You gon get the door or not!?”

Your yell from the other room had broken through Gojo’s thoughts, now aware of the ringing the 6’3 man lumbered to the door

“Oh yeh nanamin-“

“DADDY!”

Gojo’s greeting had been cut off by the shrill of the two young children that clung to Nanami’s frame, eagerly reaching out to touch him. “May we come inside.” The weary blond spoke, waiting patiently for his ‘friend’ to move aside allowing him to enter, the two infants in tow.

“who was at the door-“you padded into the living room, dressed much nicer than before, stopping short seeing your best friend, Nanami, and the two children in his arms. “Mini, who’s black babies are these” you chortled

“MAMA!” The children wailed, squirming hard enough to break free from Nanami’s hold and rush to you.

“The fu-“

“Y/N! no cussing in front of the kids!” Gojo hissed, you rolled your eyes but relented. Turing your attention to the children clinging to your legs

“these babies kidna cute.” You muttered

“I KNOW RIGHT!!” Gojo cooed, tickling the younger girl who let out a happy squeal

“I should hope you find your own children cute.” Nanami said, in his matter of fact tone, as if he aint dropped a phatt ass spoiler in yo lives.

“My own children- huh?”

“Yes, myself, Kasumi and Saku are from the future. They are your children.” Mf dropping bomb after bomb without a second thought THAT’S how tired he is.

OUR WHAT? KIDS? U MEAN I- SHITTT, I have so many questions! When do we get together? Are we still together?? Do we get married?? Wait he said from the future- just how far into the future we talking??? How long I gotta wait to dick Y/n down n make my Gojo army... Saku’s got Y/ns smile and Kasumi got her… well everything. Damn I really lucked out-

So many thoughts in Gojo’s head. Yet all he could muster was,

“Huh… come to think of it you do look a lil older to how I remember.” Trying to keep his composure whilst he did internal backflips

Our kids? You mean me and this dusty- who am I kidding GORGEOUS idiot fuck?? AND I POP OUT TWO OF HIS EGG HEADED BABIES?? I mean, when?? Where?? why?? I mean sure the niggas fine but uh me n Geto kinda… well its complicated. But DAMN if these babies aren’t the cutest lil shit I ever seen. Saku’s got Gojos big ahh blue bug eyes but he makes em work w his brown skin n adorable lil afro… he can’t be more than 6 I’d say. AND OH MY LIFE KASUMI IS ADORABLE EHEHEH, she gets her cuteness from her mama let’s not lie but her beautiful curled her got white locks that fit her so well. Ehehe yk what, I’m not mad.

“Mama, no angy?” Kasumi babbled

“Huh- why would I be angry??”

“C-cause we twied to make (insert favourite food🥰) n-nd made biggggggggggg mess.” Saku said, peering at you with those beautiful blue eyes.

“Dadda’s dia!” Kasumi pointed to Gojo who picked up the happy girl

“Dadda’s what?” he hummed

“SUMI’S RIGHT W-WE ONLY DID IT CAUSE-BECAUSE DADDY SAID YOU’D LIKE IT!”

Gojo rn:🧍🏾‍♀️

“You were tryna make (favourite food)? N made a big mess…” now u aint the brightess when it comes to this shit but even you could connect the dots.

Now the famous Satoru Gojo, strongest sorcerer, was shying away from the knowing look you gave him. his cheeks dusted with an embarrassing amount of pink as he used Kasumi’s chubby body to shield himself.

YOU AF

Your cute lil moment was cut short by Nanami’s haggard snores, the poor man was sprawled on your couch. If it weren’t for his aggressive ass noises, you’d think the mf was dead😭

“Um- er, well they can’t exactly leave until Nanami’s awake…” Gojo started

“True, and it’d be cruel to wake him… he looks so tired.”

“…I guess we’ll have to look after the kids until he wakes up🥳🥳🥳. Oh well, HEY- who wants to teleport to Uncle Suguru n tell him the good news!!”

“Gojo you’re foul-“

“MEEEE!” Saku and Kasumi yelled in unison

“ALRIGHT LETS GO!😁”

GETO WHILE GOJO BE PARADING HIS HAPPY LIL FAMILY ON HIS LAWN

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ik its been a hot minute yall but dw ur warrior @jordanahart been on my ass everyday to post dis 😔✊🏾 1 man army fr

[likesunsetorange]

How are things going with the bodyguard au I’m really excited to see what you make with that. Not to rush you I just wanted see when we can expect it to be uploaded :)

i was hoping last week but i’ve just had a lot going on in my personal life unfortunate these last two weeks 😞 but im working on it rn! this and the cabin au bc i wanna post it for eren’s bday today/tomorrow lol!

but here’s a little snippet from the bodyguard au since i’ve been taking a while longer wkskddk (it’s not edited so don’t come for me if there’s typos!!!!)

The screaming match began as soon as Mikasa closed the door to her apartment. She wasn’t even sure who was the first to say something, her temper not allowing her to think clearly. But despite her clouded judgment, she was sure of one thing—she had never felt so strongly against someone as she did towards Eren.

It was funny, honestly. Despite her initial reactions towards him, she couldn’t even say that she hated him at first. Was she pissed? Yes. But enough to hate him? No. He was simply a part of the bigger issue: her parents’ innate desire to control every aspect of her life.

Part of her felt like this was simply a ploy to put an end to her attempts to sabotage their proposed setup with Porco. Her parents had never been privy to her antics before, so it was only a matter of time before they caught onto what she was trying to do. She was sure there was some level of sincerity behind their desires to ensure her safety, but Mikasa was many things, and naïve wasn’t one of them. Hiring someone to “watch over her” served the additional purpose of ensuring she was doing exactly what was expected of her and not stepping out of line.

But she wasn’t all that surprised—it had always been this way.

Mikasa’s parents always had their hand in every facet of her life, and maybe it was childish, petty even, for her to go as far as she did out of spite, but it was the only option she felt like she had. Mikasa held onto every ounce of independence she had for dear life, knowing that it could be taken at any minute; she had long since learned that anything she cherished might not last forever.

She had fought tooth and nail to convince her parents even to allow her to move out; they felt as if she was “too young to be on her own,” “it wouldn’t be safe,” and “she had all the time in the world to grow up.” But all Mikasa heard were false pretenses—they didn’t want her to be outside their reach.

To Mikasa, she couldn’t see why her parents were so hellbent on controlling her, she did everything that was asked of her—she went to the prestigious university just as they’d wanted, graduating with honors, and even graduated early; she showed up to every charity event and every gala, doing her best to make good on the Ackerman name; she was pursuing a career she didn’t even like, interning and studying during her gap years, all on the basis of making them happy; and she never complained, not once.

Her whole life had been comprised of decisions and actions to please everyone around her, to do as they wished. But who cared what she wanted? If she was happy? She was tired of trying to keep up appearances, tired of doing everything that made her parents happy, and tired of having little to no agency in her life. It was only a matter of time until she hit her breaking point, and the engagement had been her last straw.

[adelle-ein]

i’m exhausted. i’m stuck between “friends” who don’t care about jews and a family who doesn’t care about palestinians. finding people willing to be humane, to be antizionist without being antisemitic, to disavow hamas without being islamophobic, to not blow dogwhistles, to speak up against all killing of civilians and call out retribution as disproportionate, to not recirculate lies about how everything was all made up…feels impossible rn. i’m reading so many explicit details and seeing explicit photos of horrific things that have been done and are being done in palestine and israel and watching monsters pick those details apart, gleefully pointing to every fleck of blood, every little “win” for their “side”, heedless of who has to watch, of the corpses they are trampling.

an otherwise perfectly normal post about supporting palestine will have a cruel little aside about “beheaded babies” (grotesque rallying cry in either direction and it’s so constant, just hundreds of people using dead jewish children as either “Why We Should Kill All The Muslims” or “Proof The (((Jews))) Lie About Everything.”) an otherwise perfectly normal post about jewish suffering and loss will have a little note about why radical zionism is the only answer (“who cares if people have to die for it?” the chorus echoes, like human life is acceptable collateral?) both outright mock the fear, trauma and despair that jewish and palestinian people suffer worldwide, wrapping everything up in scare quotes and baby talk and memes and buzzwords in that classic online irony way. i think it’s that mockery i might find most abhorrent of all, because it makes it so clear that this has all, always, only been a game.

and because i am jewish, if i speak up about any of these things, i will be deemed a traitor, to one cause or another. i am always the backstabber, always the liar, always the infiltrator, always the filthy k*** who needs to go back to (israel/long island, pick your side!)

i am tired of being the Good reform, antizionist, diaspora, sephardic, leftist jew. i may still be all these things. but i’m tired of being the cudgel used to hit the Bad jews with. i may not like what the Bad jews say, but i still don’t want to be a weapon. but i will not change my morals to placate anyone. i believe in a free palestine, and i believe in a world without antisemitism. that combination may not be allowed anymore, as i have learned there are few allies in agreement, but i will continue to strive for it anyway.

it is not wholly "the left" that is antisemitic and it is not wholly "the right" that is islamophobic and anti-palestinian. and vice versa. the horror is coming from all directions. and yes, many on the left have been kind, but the sheer amount of horror is drowning out the kindness, and even most of that "kindness" comes coached in hatred for the Other Side (whichever it is for that particular person.) to most, it seems all collateral damage is acceptable, so long as the Other Side is dying too. it’s all a game, a sporting match, between two groups they do not see as human, and all they want is as much blood as possible.

most of my friends are antisemitic. i didn’t know, or refused to know, before this week. it’s painful to find out that they only care about dogwhistles and conspiracy theories when it's elon musk and his ilk spreading them (and even then, only enough to briefly wag their fingers.) i know this post will most likely not make a single one of them stop and consider anything they have said, because the only ones willing to listen are the ones who don't need to hear it.

i have no solutions. i’ve never felt more alone in my life.

[destinyc1020]

Confession for Sunday:

Not to be negative, but I can't stand some solo Tom fans on this website and on Twitter being so negative. Twitter, I've not gonna comment on because it's so deranged, so I've left it, but solo Tom blogs on here are so damn negative. I can understand their frustration being a fan of someone whose career it seems to always be tested by the critics and online public perception, but acting like his is in a bigger disadvantage than most actors, especially dei when his biggest roles are in Marvel, Uncharted and Cherry is crazy I'm sorry. My irritation is becaue I can tell one blog is run by a black woman its giving CC vibes no shade, and it's embarassing and sad to get angry or annoyed if he posts his Z on his ig account as opposed to his work. His play is in a few days, trust me he's more than fine!!!!

Like, he's been doing this for years,sorry. He was posting her even when they were just "mates," lol. Or get angry when fans of both post about him getting jacked and calling it "icky." When has it been icky to thirst over beefy Tom??? Do you understand this behaviour isn't exclusively to Tom. All yt celebs men get thirst after on even if they are very slim or super thick I'm sorry. Gatekeeping a public figure is crazy I'm sorry.

Like I understand being a Tom stan ain't for the weaK. Like, we've been through it, lol. The future castings he passed on, the wish for more career opportunities, stans of yt male celebs picking on him, especially ones who have been Z's costars, reading puff pieces against him in service of other actors have been rough, but I recently read that Tom doesn't care about articles about him much on Doms patreon, so I stopped caring tbh. English celebs generally go by the never complain, never explain motto when it comes to the media. Harry Styles uses it, too. I only care about what he tells us, not the other way round.

Like you guys want him to be something that he's not, and it's so tiring going round in circles. It's a silly comparison, but Tom Cruise is a questionable person who I feel is private despite knowing a lot him. Most ppl who work 9 to 5 don't care to read blogs or information about him. They see him in a good movie, they watch and have fun and go home. That's it. Tom isn't Cruise, thank god, but he mentions Christian Bale and Cillian Murphy as actors whose careers he wants to have, which is to do the work and retreat to his personal life. A lot of young actors want to do that now cause as a society, we know too much of each other.

Him not posting R+J was a bummer, but strategically, it's very smart because in this digital age, ppl want everything immediately.

Mystery builds hype. 101 marketing.

Anyways, that's my two cents.

Whew, okay…. Obviously something is going on in the fandom rn which I am not privy to, because I’m currently at work lol, because you’re like the second Anon that I’ve had in my inbox complaining about this today.

Is this all because Tom posted Z on his Instagram?? Geez people (antis) smh lol…. Get a grip! 🙄 Deal with it! Tom has a right to post his gf to his Instagram if that’s what he wants to do.

First of all, Twitter can be such a cesspool. ☹ I highly recommend not even paying much attention to what’s being said on Twitter, or, at the very least, not taking it SERIOUSLY.

Second…. I will have to agree with you somewhat on the topic of how some fans in Tom’s fandom behave. I almost feel like fans in Tom’s fandom don’t just allow him to just be? It really is sad imo. I actually have a bit of a theory as to why this is the case. This is just my personal theory, so of course, take this with a huge grain of salt… But I kind of feel like the reason why Tom is held at such a high standard (in his OWN fandom) is because most of his fans only became his fans due to Spiderman/Marvel/MCU hype. My guess is that not a lot of current Tom stans today knew or paid much attention to him PRIOR to Spiderman. So, a lot of Hollanders (Tom stans) probably were used to Tom “winning” right from the beginning right out of the gate.

Whereas, some of the stans of other popular wm fandoms (i.e. JE, Timothee Chalamet, Zac Efron, Dylan O’Brien, Ryan Gosling, Austin Butler, Bill Skarsgard, even Mike Faist, etc.) were probably fans of these guys back when they were not as well known, or when their careers weren’t as “hot” as they are currently. So, their fans are used to them being in a “struggle” position and have been patient, understanding, and open to a wider variety of “wins” and even “fails” for their male faves. They love them regardless….no matter what is going on.

But with Tom, because he gained most of his fans probably more so due to Spiderman/Marvel/MCU, I feel like his fans are/were used to him being the hot new “It Guy” right off the bat, and his stardom went CRAZY overnight, so they haven’t been there in the trenches when Tom was just an “unknown” actor. They didn’t love him before he was super hot and everywhere like he is today. So I think they don’t allow him the grace and understanding that a lot of other fandoms usually give their own faves.

Don’t get me wrong, some other fandoms do clown their faves too ROTFL! 🤣(Make no mistake about that lol) But I think Tom is held to such a higher standard because he started off as the “It Guy” , and so now, when his fans see other actors getting some addicted, or maybe “taking his spot” (maybe in their minds?) they get upset/angry/jealous/negative etc.

Idk, that’s my theory?🤷🏾‍♀️

For me, I’m the type of fan that’s just like how you described most people are with actors such as say Tom Cruise. While I always wish the best for my actor faves, at the end of the day, I know it’s not MY life, and I just want them to be happy. I go see a Tom Cruise movie, and I’m good! 😃 I’m not worrying about his career in the meantime, or worried if he hasn’t made a film in 3 years or whatever lol. I just take things as they come!

I think part of the reason why Tom’s fandom is so hard on him is because they have these crazy expectations on him because they see it as some type of “competition”, instead of just letting Tom BE.

I think that if you’re a TRUE fan of someone, you love them when they’re “down” and when they’re up. Don’t be a “fair-weather” fan in other words. It’s okay for an actor to have a “Down” period. This industry is very transient and challenging. It’s okay for an actor to “take a break”. It’s okay for an actor to have some hits and even some misses in their career! That’s NORMAL! Fans are way too hard on Tom imo.

I already gave my theory as to why that might be the case, but if you all have any other ideas/theories, by all means, let me know!

Re: Your Last Part about R&J…

Tom has posted about R&J a couple of times, no?? I’m sure he will post even MORE as the play gets underway. I even expect him to MAYBE do a video collage at some point showing the process. That would be super cool. 😊

[the-winds-of-destiny-xxx]

Gonna start being a brave girl and logging what happened during my day (when I feel like it) as text posts rather than tags so here goes 😭.

Work

Work wasn’t too bad today. Only did a half day so it wasn’t nearly as tiring as the 12 hour shifts. Was assigned a 1.1 today which means I was in a patient’s room with them all day monitoring their pulse, tidal vols and oxygen levels and making two sets of notes. The more detailed set was taken every 30 mins and the less detailed set every hour. They are fairly easy to take care of. Unfortunately they’re mostly bed bound but they like music so I put on lots of songs for them throughout the day to keep them entertained. They usually wave their hands in the air and shake their head when they hear a song they enjoy which I find quite sweet. Also I make sure to keep their hair brushed and skin moisturised throughout the day.

Whenever I’m assigned to that patient my work crush tends to pass by their room a lot and then we’ll make awkward eye contact with the odd smile lmao. Sometimes light convo if he’s feeling brave that day 😭.

Uni

Still haven’t got a reply from my personal tutor regarding the exams I messed up. I’m hoping they don’t fuck up my ability to pass the course overall. Dad has said that I shouldn’t worry and that if I have to repeat the year he’ll pay my tuition but I don’t want to have to repeat the year. I just feel so shit because it was poor mental health that made me fuck those exams up. I was in a really bad place, doubting my capability and didn’t bother submitting an MCF because I thought my mental health wouldn’t be taken seriously as the people in charge of it seem reluctant to give out extensions, allow you to defer etc but we’ll see how it goes.

Kinda scared for this essay coming up but I’ve been working hard to make sure I do detailed analyses of the papers supporting my arguments so I’m hoping it goes well.

Mood

Feeling so weird rn. My mood is shifting from anxious and depressed to emptiness. I can be hard on myself sometimes but it’s because I’m constantly thinking about where I’m from (3rd world country where most are unable to continue their education past college due to finance issues) and where I want to be (neuropsychologist or something similar). Most people in that field don’t even look like me and the odds never feel like they’re in my favour so it stresses me out but I don’t want to give up.

I’ve also deleted hinge and bumble lmao. I always say it will be the last time but I think this time it actually is. I think if I meet someone it’s gonna have to be organically. Not gonna put any pressure on it. It will happen when it happens.

[jazz-the-writer]

MAFIA SEUNGMIN (in my opinion MINBIN IS DEADLY, by that I mean SEUNGMIN and Changbin are a very tempting duo, and I am going to fold drooling over their dicks too. Felix I’m sorry so sorry but I’m super fucking into your Best friends)

Fic Rambles:

Ok ok IM LISTENING I PROMISE BUT OH MY GOD. MAFIA SEUNGMIN GET BACK IN LINE I SWEAR IT IS FUCKEN 2325 on a SUNDAY NIGHT. It’s THE LORDS DAY SEUNGMIN ! AND I AM DYING TO SHOWER AND SLEEP AND YOU’RE OVER HERE just bulldozing your way…..to the front of the 2000’s liners Line. YOUNG MAN I SWEAR WHEN YOU DO SHIT THAT MAKES ME CALL YOU SIR ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR.

Now you’re trying to get in front of Mafia Binnie(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

Seungmin you have to behave and get back in line. You’re already in the drafts.

I can’t show you yet it’s not fair 😭 you got a draft before Hyunjin Han and Lix AKA WAXING RACHA.

At least I censored it before posting this time.

Seungmin you need to behave and chill your Mafia Alter Ego already exists you Loser. Oh my god he’s such a Hot Loser _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

♪(´ε｀ )

Oh you fucken Loser you’re such a low level thug and it’s so fucken Cute. Sorry you’re younger than me and if I want a Loser Mafia Minnie I’m gonna get it.

A/N In CONCLUSION :SEUNGMIN YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE SEXY RIGHT NOW. I am a slow writer and you’re already inspiring me and I’m in love with your best friend and Roommate Lee Felix Yongbok. I could never live with myself if I finished yours before his…..ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

\(//∇//)\ Mafia Lee Felix….he’s still in my head. I haven’t even written anything about him aside from my notes. Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t show my notes. It’s ok I’ll come back later maybe another day….. edited on 4/24/25: I just added the face. Idk if I’ll show you guys Mafia Felix notes…..psssst he’s an archer, I’m thinking like very disciplined hit man. Idk yet it’s not solid. Usually I have a clear view but I need more before I start writing for him.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) there’s a WereWolf Lee Felix in my notes I can’t show that yet.

Oh my gosh if anyone wants sneak peeks they’re gonna have to ask. I can’t show mafia Seungmin before Mafia Felix and Hyunjin right? They’ll never know but I’ll know. You know what I mean???

Edit…5minutes after posting:

Felix I’m sorry. I’m a Loser in love with all 8 of you. Forgive me for being a desperate, delusional, selfish whore.

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡ oh my I think I’m done here I believe I made a point and we can be done here. I’m so mad Seungmin you have no idea how fitting this is for your Loser Mafia Seungmin fic. Felix I promise you’re a thought but there’s so many it’s hard to hear Mafia Seungmin and Binnie I’m sorry I’m just not ready to let Mafia Bin out. Hyunjin you’re so fucken smooth and slick as a Mafia Boy but I’m not even pretending to be smart enough to write it Rn. You’re always so sweet and beautiful and intricate as a romantic man for me and Rn I’m writing a college going sweet artist boy please \(//∇//)\

I’m sorry you’re gonna have to wait Felix is the only one I’d let cross the line. He just needs to stop giving me so many ideas ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ I’m so tired

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

edit IDK BUT JTS 0035 Rn Look this getting crazy and it’s Monday morning im supposed to be asleep and now I feel all the mafia men looking at me:

This isn’t fair ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ and it’s all because Seungmin’s bitch ass wanted to jump in front of Bodyguard Mafia Changbin……….. look it’s just a fact Changbin is almost done and Seungmin you’re still just a fucken tease as a Mafia Loser (*´Д｀*)

Loser Mafia Seungmin is so Hot though….. true story…..about him being hot not that it’s a real story I’m just a filthy smut writer…

[shebadfuckk]

I just have to vent to the void don’t even bother reading this cuz it’s gunna be pitiful.

I feel dead inside.

I don’t see how any of this turns into success or even happiness.

Like life in general so what’s the point

No matter what I do it’s gunna always be like this. I was doomed to this fucking shit since before I could speak. Nothing helps I don’t even wanna smoke. Even the tears I cry don’t feel real because I’m too numb behind the eyes to even feel them.

I don’t know why I thought any of this would work. Like the entire thing how dumb have I been my whole life, Denya are you seeing this shit? Are you ashamed of me ? We made a pact - a promise I would be successful. That didn’t mean living large and flamboyant just merely happy and aligned with our passions. And now you’re dead and I’m fucking lost and sometimes I wonder what the fuck is the point and I know you’d be so let down by that cuz you didn’t get to fucking see another day and I’m being selfish and embarrassing and oh so human. I know not everything is black and white and I’ll be happy and sad and “this too shall pass” but how many of these are gunna pass by because I don’t feel I have the mental capacity to continue processing any more pain and you can’t freeze life. It’ll just keep coming so WHAT DO I DO. don’t let it break you don’t allow people your attention that’s what you’d tell me.

I’m sorry I’m wasting my life I’m sorry that I can’t stop overthinking but how do I stop when it’s literal brain damage from too much abuse. Like I am losing my fucking mind. I don’t want anyone to read this. Don’t think about me. I don’t wanna be observed. Maybe this is psychosis lmao or maybe I’m just sleep deprived and facing a tower moment. I don’t see how anything works out. No matter what. Every road looks like it leads to fucking depression. I’m tired. Idk how much I have left in me. I don’t even think people would notice my absence until they realized I wasn’t around to be used sometimes. I really am about to puke. Is this supposed to help? Is this journaling ? Idfk. Will I post this ? Who cares fuck me sideways. My head is pounding and my fucking stomach is churning. So I guess I say all that to say fuck

Thank you for this day I can’t enjoy

Thank you for this food I cant eat because the mere smell makes me nauseous

Thank you for this blanket that doesn’t give me comfort.

Thank you for my cat that doesn’t know my head is pounding and I legit can’t deal with her knocking shit off my makeup vanity rn.

Thank you for the talents nobody will ever see or hear

Thank you for the wisdom I can’t seem to apply

Thank you for the friends I’ve lost that I still miss

Thank you for the love that never lasts.

I genuinely meant all of that and I love being alive but I can’t seem to just enjoy it either you know. I’m overwhelmed. I’m trying to apply the stuff.

I’m trying to make a way.

I’m the cautionary tale

[campymoon]

Extreme TW: self unaliving thoughts, depression, BPD, just scroll. It’s a vent post

If I can post on here about wanting to be raped and yall either like or scroll I should be able to post about this too.

I think I’m going to give it another week honestly.

I told myself if like didn’t get better by my 22nd bday I’d end it but now my 24th is like a month away and… yeah. I have an amazing and wonderful partner and I promised not to because I believe in the afterlife and want us to be together forever but I believe he deserves to spend eternity with someone normal. Someone easy to love and someone who’s as pure and perfect as he is.

My family is… dysfunctional and doesn’t care about all the things I’ve done for them, sacrificed for them nor do they even listen when I speak most times unless I yell.

Multiple friends have left me and I’ve been abandoned too many times. And I wouldn’t survive if my partner one day betrayed me or left me. Sorry I love him with everything but have also been waiting to be with fully since 2019…I feel like I have to beg just to discuss our future and when we do I feel like a fucking moron because he brings up a million different points that I “don’t consider”.

And I’m painting him really harshly I’m splitting on him rn (BPD) he’s very sweet and patient and loving but I’m so alone and tired of being alone and having to struggle alone while he just gets to do whatever he wants (overdramatized but it feels that way when I’m upset).

And I’m just so so SO TIRED of being told I have to push back my passions, happiness and goals just because that’s “how it is” and I need to “sacrifice” fucking everything that brings me joy or peace. When I was a child I was SA’d. I was like 5, then again at age 9 by my stepbrother till I was like 16 but my parents didn’t believe me and made me eat alone in my room for weeks. I wasn’t allowed to go to friends houses, parties or have a bf until I was 18, no job till 19 then coerced into the military into a career I hated to be bullied and abused more by strangers. Blah blah blah sad back story bs.

I could tell any person close to me in my life that I was actively being abused and all they’d do is say “aweee I’m sorry” (I’ve literally told the closest people i know that I’m being sexually harassed and they just give me a sad face. I’ve seen people buck up faster to STOP ME from retaliating to violence or aggression more than anyone has actually protected me from any abuser).

I tried sex work but uhhhh duh. I was an obvious flop (which isn’t like a “pity me” statement it’s just the truth).

And even though I loved it without making any real money from it and without the motivation I stopped.

I’m just tired. Tired of never being put absolutely number one by anyone. I wanna be loved like how I love. Unconditionally, irrationally and with compassion and empathy. I wanna have my tears move you like yours move mine. I wanna have my laughter bring out yours. I want it all. I crave it. This isn’t about just romance either I wanna form this is about all types of love. I wanna feel it like how I give it. And I NEVER FUCKING DO!

Then my issues get accidentally used against me. And it absolutely broke my heart. Imagine not going to your dream state for your dream school for someone and that someone says that you not having a figured out career or college degree causes hesitancy in moving in with/marrying you? Ofc I wanna fucking kill myself! I don’t wanna be here NOTHING I DO IS EVER ENOUGH NOR WILL IT EVER BE ENOUGH!!! I’ve been told so many times “You are enough. You deserve to be loved.” By the SAME PEOPLE WHO LEAVE ME! Who tell me I’m too much!!! Who say they can’t handle me!?

I’m told I can’t not speak when I’m angry. Then when I speak when I’m angry I’m “being rude”/“not thinking about my words”/“mean” but when I try to slowly think out my words and explain things EXACTLY as I mean them with indicators that I don’t mean offense nor that I’m angry with anyone IM STILL IN THE WRONG?!

I just wanted to be an artist in Colorado.

And now im just gonna be another dead loser nobody will remember in a few years.