#I’m tired of feeling paranoid about my friends I’m tired of feeling like I done something wrong I’m tired of being shit talk behind my back

[boinky-spoinky]

Hello SmilingCritters community

I quit

[mapsareforbraindeads]

i’m staying up late and turning my alarm off to try and make sure i can’t show up to school tomorrow because i legitimately cannot take it anymore

[lizardaggro]

on the flip side (twst bully!au) part 4

sorry this didn't get out sooner; my sleep issues are really upset (might be daylight savings?) and i spent most of the past few days feeling like a zombie. i'm better now though! it's also a bit shorter than i'd like, but i didn't want to leave you guys hanging. also two fics? in one day?? crazy!

part 1 part 2 part 3 genre: gn reader, angst trigger warnings: bullying, yandere has officially escalated word count: 897

“Child of man,” Malleus said. Even his voice felt suffocating. ���Lilia has informed me that some… pests have been bothering you as of late.” He must mean the others. Did he really not know? Well, you supposed it wasn’t too farfetched, since he didn’t have any friends and everyone was afraid of him, especially after his Overblot. “You need only have let me know and I would have… taken care of them. But worry not. You’ll be safe here, where no one would dare to harm you.”

Oh no. Oh no no no. It was finally happening. Malleus had lost his mind. It felt a little nice, you’d admit, knowing that at least one person still cared for you. But that didn’t mean you could accept being trapped here for who knows how long. You still had to take care of Grim and attend classes. Not to mention you hated feeling trapped.

You knew you couldn’t count on anyone to save you. Lilia was the only one who might be able to make him see reason, but he seemed to be fully complicit in the matter. The dorm leaders might be somewhat capable if they worked together, but they’d have no motive for that, other than to torment you further.

Getting angry and yelling wouldn’t solve anything here. You had to be smart about it. “Tsunotarou, I can’t stay here. You know that,” you reasoned. “I have responsibilities to take care of. Besides, wouldn’t you grow tired of me? Everyone else did, after all.” You surprised yourself with how true your sentiments were. Maybe you harbored more negative feelings about all of this than you’d realized.

Naturally you were pissed that everyone turned on you, but you’d never really stopped to think about how lonely you’d been. Even your professors would hardly give you the time of day. You didn’t even know what you possibly could’ve done to set them off. Grim and the ghosts were the only ones whose attitudes never changed; but it wasn’t the same.

Malleus was pouting; there was simply no other way to describe the look on his face. “Surely you don’t mean that; not after everything they’ve done,” he quipped. Was he serious? In what way did he think you’d enjoy being trapped inside one tiny room for who knows how long?

“Yes. I do. And I don’t appreciate you taking away my freedom like this. If you really cared about me, you’d respect my wishes.” You hoped appealing to his emotions would work, no, you needed it to work. If it didn’t, you weren’t sure how long your sanity would last.

“I do care about you, Child of Man,” he objected. “Can’t you see that’s why I’m doing this? It isn’t safe out there. You’ll get hurt by those vile beings you once called friends.” He spat out that last word, like they were undeserving of the title. You didn’t know how to feel about that.

There was one thing you did know, however: this man was delusional. He’d gone paranoid with worries for your safety, even though he knew nothing just hours ago and was fine. He’d always been a little possessive, you’d noticed, but you’d brushed it off as him being afraid of losing his one and only friend. Now this? This was a whole new level.

Ah, but then you remembered. Malleus knew about most of the bullying, but not all of it. You doubted Lilia would’ve tattled on his own dorm members. You smiled, catching him off guard. “But am I any safer in here? I bet you don’t know, after all. You don’t know how Sebek would beat me in the halls, how Silver watches me everywhere I go. It’s creepy; I don’t like it. And I’m sure Lilia didn’t tell you how he tries to poison me with his cooking,” you listed calmly, as if you were having an ordinary conversation.

“They WHAT?!” Malleus shouted. “LILIA! SILVER! SEBEK! GET OVER HERE THIS INSTANT!” You flinched; he was usually so calm, you didn’t expect him to suddenly yell like that. It was good that he believed you, not that you were lying. You didn’t have a backup plan.

As the unfortunate trio entered the room, you made your way over to the door. You thought you’d managed to slip out unnoticed, but Lilia shot you a wink. Did that mean he’d keep his mouth shut about your escape? You could only hope.

You ran through the halls, Malleus’s shouting covering up the sounds of your footfalls. You knew this place like the back of your hand, so you weren’t at risk of getting lost. The only question was how long the lecture would last. If you were lucky, Lilia would buy you some time, but you wouldn’t count on it.

And then, at last, you were safe, on the other side of the portal. You were totally winded, after having had the run of your life. Everything seemed great, but then you heard a voice.

“Oya? What do we have here? What were you doing in Diasomnia, prefect?” Jade asked with a definitely fake smile like he didn’t know exactly what you were doing in Diasomnia. Oh, great. Azul was with him too. How… lovely. Staying with Malleus was starting to sound like it wasn’t so bad after all. No, nevermind. It was definitely worse.

taglist (CLOSED): @twistedcece @slxt4h1m @teawhere @pleasehugmeaether @reivelmin @aoiyx @trashlanternfish360 @probablynoposts @d3sperate-enuf @mono273 @help-whatdoimakemyusername @justuraverageeverydaydegenerate @im-here-for-the-fun-of-it

[theebubblegumbitch]

You Know You Ain’t Gettin Your Bitch Back~

Chad Meeks Martin x fem!reader

Synopsis: After attending a frat Party with your (soon to be ex-) bf, his behavior leads to a fight between y’all. Good thing Chad is there to comfort you…

Warnings: none for now (maybe in a part two) some angst, some fluff, slightly suggestive ending but not really, Chad being a girlfriend stealing charmer

Series: Pt.1 , Pt.2

You can’t even remember why you agreed to come to this stupid party. And then you feel a familiar hand on your back, your boyfriend Derek had dragged you here… of course. And that’s not to say you didn’t love your boyfriend, of course you did! He could just be… pushy, sometimes is all. He never got physical with you but he sure was stubborn, and didn’t seem very good at listening to you when you said you “weren’t the constantly going out type” which was true. You enjoyed a good party as much as the next girl but, this was like the fourth one had brought you to this week, and it was literally only Thursday! You didn’t seem to understand how he got the energy for all this.

All of a sudden you’re snapped out of your thoughts when you hear Derek’s voice calling your name. “Y/N, hellooo, you okay there babe?” He was looking at you as you came out of your zoned out state, haphazardly waving his drink in front of your face. You hated when he did that, acting like you were some space case in front of your shared friends. “Yea I’m fine, was just thinking is all.” You answered him semi-sheepishly, already slightly tired from the amount of social interaction you had done so far.

“Well don’t hurt yourself pretty, can’t have that gorgeous skin of yours forming premature wrinkles!” He said that to the other guys with a chuckle. But you didn’t find it very funny. In fact it was pretty damn rude, maybe even the rudest you had ever heard him be towards you. You quickly spun around to face him. “Okay first of all, don’t know where the fuck that came from, and second, what the hell! Is that really how you think you should be speaking to me? In front of our friends no less??” You were mad, and the volume of your voice showed it. Any louder and you would’ve caused a huge scene, which was definitely the last thing you wanted. Derek could only look at you with a shocked smile on his face. “Babe calm down okay? It was just a joke you know that.”

You couldn’t believe he actually had the nerve to say that instead of apologizing. “Well it sure didn’t fucking sound like one! And even if it did, I clearly wasn’t laughing was I?” Your voice was definitely getting a bit louder now, you even felt your face getting hot. And this douchebag still wasn’t taking you seriously. “Woah Woah Woah, where is all this coming from? Are you okay, I mean are- are we okay cause this feels like a fight babe.” He was slightly laughing as he looked around the living room you were in. It seemed like he was just as paranoid about causing a scene as you were.

“Yes this is a fight Derek! I mean my god, I knew I was smarter than you but come on! A cucumber could put that together!” It felt really good to yell at him, probably too good if you were being really honest with yourself. But you were fed up of all the little building instances of disrespect, so this was definitely necessary. “I seriously don’t know what I did wrong, I mean it was just a joke! It was supposed to funny!” Wow was this man clueless, were your standards really that low? “It’s not just about that one “joke” Derek! It’s about all the little stupid and honestly disrespectful things that you keep doing! Like consistently dragging me to these parties, that I keep telling you I don’t want to come to!” Man did it feel good to get that off your chest, however your boyfriend didn’t look too happy about it.

“What are we even doing right now babe, like what is this? Are we breaking up?” He kinda looked sad now, which is why you felt slightly bad for what you were about to say. “Ya know what Derek yes! We’re breaking up because I simply cannot deal with you anymore!” You said, or rather yelled, that in his face before storming off to the kitchen. Hoping to drown your anger in alcohol and maybe some pop tarts or something. Upon making your way to the counter you grab the first bottle of cheap vodka you see and go to start chugging, when a strong hand on your arm stops you. “Woah careful there tiger, you can’t just go chugging random bottles that could be roofied!” The man spoke as he grabbed the bottle from your hand to lower it back down onto the kitchen counter. You spoke fast without even looking up at him. “Well after my last ten minutes spent here, I really don’t care if I do get roofied, or alcohol poisoned, or blackout drunk or whatever! In fact that’s kind of the goal right now so, move along.” You sajd as you made a shooing motion with your hands towards the man before coming face to face with his abs, and then his face. Holy shit he was attractive. Way more so than your now ex-boyfriend Derek…

Your borderline unethical thoughts were interrupted by his voice yet again. “Well I’m Chad, and I gotta ask, what exactly was so bad about the last ten minutes that made you want to completely disregard your safety? Just curious.” He asked you with an air of sarcastic humor, but he honestly seemed pretty sincere and truth be told, you kinda wanted someone to talk to. “Just broke up with my boyfriend that I came here with. Well he actually sorta made me come here because I didn’t really want to, but that’s not important. Point is he was acting like a dick to me in front of our friends then acted totally clueless when I confronted him about, which made me realize that he’s kinda always been a dick soooo yea. That’s how my night’s going.” You finished your ramblings as you slumped yourself against the counter. You felt relieved to be able to say all of that out loud.

Chad just looked at you for a second, mouth slightly agape from your info-dump. “Well, he sounds like he sucks, and you seem pretty cool so, good on you for getting rid of him!” He somewhat awkwardly raised his hand for a high five, which you reluctantly met. You felt bad for being so unenthusiastic about talking to him, I mean he was being so bubbly and outgoing, letting a complete stranger vent about her relationship problems. “Yea he did suck, and thanks for letting me ramble, I’m y/n by the way.” You finally formally introduced yourself as you went to shake his hand, a habit you had picked up while you were learning to be more polite as a kid. “Ah no problem y/n, and I like the handshake it’s very- gentlewomanly.” You chuckled a little at the phrase. This guy was actually pretty charming, and it definitely helped that he was insanely good looking.

“Ya know you’re actually pretty funny and nice for a guy at a frat party. You don’t really see that a lot ya know?” You were making full eye contact with him now, genuinely enjoying your conversation. “Ah yea I get that a lot, guys kinda hate it cause it means I get a lot of attention from woman and it makes them jealous, but I don’t really care. Half of the guys at this party don’t know how to treat women anyway.” He sounded kinda cocky, but truthfully he was right. College guys were dicks, especially ones who came to frat parties. “Sounded to me like your boyfriend was one of them.”

Okay you were not expecting that. But once again, the gorgeous man in front of you wasn’t wrong. You made sure to look in his eyes as you spoke next, noticing something that you didn’t think was there before. “Yea you’re definitely right about that, looking back I have no idea how I even ended up giving him a chance.” Chad seemed to like that answer, which was good because it was true. Derek wasn’t even really your type. The man that was standing in front of you now was, and you had never been more happy to be a single woman. “I mean I don’t even know you all that well yet but I will say that, you’re absolutely gorgeous, so I’m pretty sure any man in here would be no where near your league.”

And there it was, your opportunity. “Oh yea? You think that includes you Chad?” You framed it as a genuine question, but you already knew the answer. You watched as his eyes flicked to your lips for a second, biting the corner of his lip ever so slightly as he spoke. “I mean, that’s all up to you y/n. I can’t speak for you after all.” And with that you had already decided on your next move, you only had to see if he would take the bait. “Yea I guess you’re right… Anyway I kinda don’t wanna be at this party anymore so I’m gonna walk back to my dorm!” You said as you quickly turned heel to start leaving the kitchen, but not before you said one last thing. “You can walk me back if you’d like, ya know since I don’t have Derek to do it anymore.” You watched as Chad stood up straight with a smirk on his face and walked towards you, slinging an arm around your shoulder.

“Oh I can definitely do that.”

A/N: oh this one was funnnn~ I seriously love writing for Chad I just NEED MORE IDEAS!! So seriously send me asks I’m lowkey begging 🙏 but anyway thanks for reading and if y’all want I will def do a part two! Y’all’s wish is my command and all that

-With love, from Miss Grace<3

[bluekidchaos]

toxic!mark hoffman x reader

this is ass btw

Pairings: Mark Hoffman x reader (no pronouns i think but envisioned as fem)

Warnings: 18+, manipulation, panic attacks, trauma, reader was in a saw game but no actual details are there, age gap (not actually mentioned but i envisioned it so in my head and i think it adds another spicy layer to the toxicness hihi), i guess kinda dub-con bc she’s only attracted to him bc trauma and manipulation so idk

Words: 1.5k

Can also be read on AO3!

Back to masterlist.

mark isn’t handling your case directly but he sees you at the station after you had won your game and he’s mesmerized as he sees you again

he approaches you and makes sure you are ok and don't need anything

when you’re at the hospital he visits you as much as possible, offering a shoulder to cry on and to listen when you talk about what happened (or anything really) 

he sneaks you non-hospital food and drinks and keeps you comfortable

when you get released he gives you his personal phone number and tells you to call or text whenever and he’ll respond as soon as you can

you’re a bit hesitant at first, i mean he’s already done so much for you and now he’s letting you bother him off the clock?

but he insists that it’s ok, the first text comes late that night, just a small thank you for everything

the next few calls and texts are few and far between but as he keeps reassuring you it's okay you feel comfortable calling him more, sometimes just to chat about random stuff

you’d consider him a friend at this point and you meet up a month later for coffee, you mention feeling paranoid in your apartment, it’s where you were taken after all and he tells you there's nothing to worry about but to call if anything happens

a night or so after the meet you call him in the middle of the night, he can tell you’ve been crying by your hoarse voice and the sniffles coming through the phone

“what’s wrong?” he fakes a tired voice. “i’m s-sorry, did i- did i wake you?” you almost sob out. “no, not at all, are you okay?” worry clear in his tone, “i can’t stay here, i keep seeing shadows move in every corner and i constantly feel like someones watching me.” you blurt it all out in one breath. 

mark tries his best not to let the smirk betray his voice, “alright, you’re alright. i..” he pauses “i might have a suggestion but please tell me if i'm crossing a boundary here.” he knows you won’t say no but he’s gotta keep up the act a bit longer

“please, anything, i don't know what to do anymore, i haven’t slept in days.” you sound so desperate for his help and he has to stop himself from groaning into the phone, “you can sleep at mine tonight, i’ll take the couch and then i’ll help you find a new place okay?” 

your heart misses a beat, and you wanna take the offer the second it leaves his lips but the thought of putting him on the couch in his own home stops you, “i can’t do that, i mean you shouldn’t have to do that”

“it’s fine, it won't be forever” he gives a little laugh that reassures you, “just until we find you a new place ok?”

you resing your hesitation, you’re too exhausted to argue “okay..thank you” mark smiles again, this time not caring as much if it's noticeable “alright, text me your address and i’ll come and pick you up right away, and pack a bag.” 

you hang up and text him the address and start packing as he said

mark already knows where you live of course but you don't need to know that, he waits in his car for the time it would have taken him to drive from his to you before stepping out of the car and going up to your door and pressing the buzzer, “i’ll be right down!” he hears you say through the door phone before it flashes green and he steps inside and waits for you

you come down the stairs fast, he can tell you haven’t slept in a while, the bags under your eyes the biggest indicator

he grabs the bag from you and escorts you to his car before driving the two of you to his place

it’s the first night you sleep through all the way, feeling safe as mark is just outside on the couch and you're surrounded by the smell of him and his things

the next morning you wake up by mark shuffling around in the room clearly trying to be quiet but he notices you stirring and goes still “shit, sorry i was trying not to wake you” you sit up and groggily rub your eyes, “what time is it?” he walks over to his dresser and grabs some sock out of it, you notice now he isn’t wearing a shirt, only some sleep short and you turn your gaze away, a bit flustered, “5.30 am, sorry i’m just getting ready for work. you should go back to sleep.” 

oh, work, right he has a life to live, now you feel extra stupid for taking his offer, depriving him of sleep when he has to get up and work, stupid. but it’s like he can tell what you’re thinking, “hey, you go back to sleep and stay here today alright? you can use my computer to look at apartments if you want.” you nod and lay down again, and you fall asleep before he’s out the door.

that evening when he walked through the door he was met with the most delicious smell as you greeted him from the kitchen, “i thought i’d at least make myself useful while im here so i made dinner” he walked over to the stove and to a deep breath, he probably hadn’t smelt anything this good in years. “wow, it smells really amazing, thank you, darling.”

the name made your stomach flutter, and you blushed at his praise, “oh it’s nothing"

the next 2 months consisted of you and mark living together, you cooked and cleaned while he was at work, making sure he always came home to a warm meal, he would go with you to look at apartments and give his advice and opinion when asked. you really appreciated it, he always knew when an area was unsafe or not and you seemed to be quite unlucky in your search as all the places you found were either in unsafe areas or unsafe apartments, you didn’t really understand that but you trusted marks opinion on your safety and if he didn’t deem it safe for you you didn’t take it. 

you and mark had also gotten closer during this time, he’d care for you through your nightmares and panic attacks, and he’d hold you while you cried yourself to sleep and stay all night in bed with you. you were so lucky to have mark, he really cared for you, he'd seen you at your worst but still cared. he’d kissed you one night while comforting you, it caught you off guard a bit but you craved his affection and touch. it was the first time you had sex. 

you tried your best to go out and be a part of society but it always felt like someone lurked in the shadows, ready to get you at any moment. sometimes you called mark in a panic bc it felt like someone was following you, 

he gladly came to get you every time, lamenting on about how you had to be careful and there were dangerous people out there, he would always bring up some case he was working on as examples, eventually you stopped trying to go out on your own

you had realised one night while looking at places together that you didn’t want to live without mark, couldn’t live without him, the thought alone made your chest squeeze and your breath heavy. he could tell you were having another panic attack and pulled you into his arms immediately soothing you, “hey, hey what’s wrong?” he pushed some hair behind your ear to get a better look at you.

your glazed and teary eyes find his and the look you give him makes him have to bite back a moan, he always loved seeing you like this, panicked, desperate for his comfort, only he could calm you down, “i can’t live without you, i don’t feel safe if you're not around, how am i supposed to be on my own, i need you there!” you practically wail at him in your hysteria, clinging to him like your life depended on it and to you it felt that way

mark only held you closer and ran his hands soothingly up and down your back, “shh, shh, it’ll be alright. you don’t have to move out if you don’t want to, i don’t mind having you here. i’d feel better with you near me too.”

“really?” you barely get the word out between sobs, “yeah, i mean we’re together anyways so moving together officially maybe isn’t that dumb. and it’s a dangerous world out there, how am i supposed to protect you if i'm not with you?”

you nodded in a haze, “thank you, thank you, i’m safe with you” you cried as you buried your face in his chest again and he continued stroking your back

you couldn’t see the smile on his face as he finally had you exactly where he wanted you

paranoid and afraid of the world around you, only trusting of him, your love

[angel-fics]

no no no i NEED a pt 2 for ‘In The Room Where You Sleep’ it was a work of art 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

It Will Come Back (part II to “In The Room Where You Sleep”)

Summary: After accidentally giving Dalton a free show, you decide to take a step back from your friendship with him. Dalton does not take kindly to that.

Warnings: Dalton being extra creepy, stalking, murderous intent, reader feeling unsafe, reader’s conflicting emotions, unhealthy responses to being caught masturbating, unsafe sex (wrap before you tap, folks), rough sex, penetrative sex, cream pie, implications of a breeding kink, suggestive comments, Reader letting Dalton off too easy for purpose of plot, noise complaints from neighbors, reader has a perversion kink, fluff kinda. THIS IS A NSFW WORK OF FICTION! MINORS DNI! ALL READERS ARE HELD PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR MEDIA INTAKE!

“So, did you sleep well last night?”

Oh fuck.

Did he know?

He couldn’t have…

*Astral Projector* Yes the fuck he could have.

“I slept fine, why?” You narrowed your eyes in false confusion and tried to keep the suspicion from your tone. You knew Dalton could’ve very well seen what you’d been up to last night, but he had told you that he rarely ever projected anymore. And hardly ever on purpose.

As you silently and awkwardly ate your breakfast, you tried to sort out your feelings on how Dalton’s potential peeping had made you feel.

For one, you felt grossed out. You were doing something so private and intimate, it felt like a violation to be watched, unaware and vulnerable. You were also angry at him for those very reasons. You would’ve been grossed out if it was anyone, but it was Dalton. Your friend Dalton, who you trusted and relied on. There was a bit of guilt, too. You were masturbating to pictures of him that he had sent. That was incredibly pervy, and it hadn’t occurred to you to feel guilt until the possibility of him knowing became real. You also felt kind of used, like you were some free, live action porn for him of get his rocks off to.

That’s where the complications started within you, too. There was a part of you that felt electrified when Dalton had first buried his face into that pillow and smirked at you. So knowingly and predatory. Your core clenched at the thought of him finding you like that, desperate and wanton for his touch. You wanted to know how he’d reacted, how much he’d seen. If how he was acting now was any indication, he’d liked what he’d seen.

It made you feel proud and sexy, which wasn’t right. It was gross. He was gross. That’s all you should feel about him and his actions.

Potential actions. You still didn’t actually know how if he had seen or anything. He was acting suspicious, or maybe you just felt that he was because he had grabbed a pillow that was covered in your cum.

“Why are you being so quiet? Is everything all right?” Dalton lifted his head lazily from that damned pillow, his face filled with concern. It amplified your guilt.

That wasn’t the face someone made if they were creeping on you. It was the face a genuinely worried friend made. Maybe more if you weren’t such a paranoid freak.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bit tired, I guess,” you replied, trying to sound more alert and upbeat. You took in a deep, calming breath. This was Dalton you were with, he’d never done anything to make you feel unsafe. It was why you had feelings for him in the first place.

“What were you up to when we stopped talking last night? Working up a sweat?” Was he pressing his nose into the pillow and sniffing it?

“What?”

“You’re wearing workout clothes?” Oh.

“Oh, yeah. Um, no, I didn’t do much after you started doing your homework. Just on my phone,” you said, shrugging nonchalantly. You were feeling very chalant right now, very fucking chalant.

You were wearing workout clothes because they were at the top of your clean clothes pile. The one you hadn’t gotten around to folding yet. After your little self-session last night, you fell asleep without putting your clothes back on, so you’d woken up naked when he started knocking on your door.

Actually, you’d been in such a rush, that you hadn’t even picked up your clothes from last night. You discreetly peered over at where you knew you’d tossed them. The t-shirt was there but your panties weren’t in sight. You knew it was unlikely from how you’d thrown them, but maybe your underwear where under the large shirt?

“Yeah, luckily I managed to turn my assignments in good time. I actually thought about coming over after I was done, but I didn’t want to wake you up,” he informed you sweetly. And he was. So sweet.

But it was so hard to separate what you knew about him from what you suspected he’d done. And it was going to eat away at you until you knew the truth. At the same time, what if you were wrong? Would your relationship with him -platonic or not- survive your accusations?

“I probably was still awake. But it’s all good. You’re here now, right?” You had so been looking forward to spending the weekend with him. You had even planned on telling him how you felt now that you had the opportunity. Now, you just wanted to be alone.

“Yeah, of course. We’re gonna have a great time this weekend.” As his gaze raked up and down your body, there was something so lustful, it can almost be seen as malicious. Your trust in his innocence was withering away.

“I don’t know about great, but it’ll be nice. Just relaxing and hanging out. We can watch movies or read. Order take out and play games,” you replied casually, trying to sound more excited than you were.

“Oh, so we’re going middle school with this sleepover, yeah?” Dalton laughed and rolled over on his back, propping a long leg up and letting the other dangle.

“Big talk for the guy who hates literally every standard college experience. Since we’ve started school, I have not seen you have sex, drink or do drugs. You literally only went to a single frat party because Chris forced you,” you teased, forcing yourself to be more relaxed.

“I don’t hate every college experience, I just prefer being sober,” he corrected, very pointedly leaving out the ‘sex’ part of your list.

You got up to throw the trash from your breakfast away, and made a point of looking like you were freshening up your room. You picked up yesterday’s t-shirt with your toes, noting the lack of panties under them and silently panicked.

Where the fuck did they go? They were right here last night. You were sure of it.

You remembered that Dalton could interact with the physical world while in the Further and slowly turned to him, now thoroughly convinced that he had spent some time in your room last night.

“Hey, Dalton? When you’re projecting, you can move things, right?” You knew he could already. When he had told you about it, he had also shown you how it worked to prove it to you.

“Okay, that was random. Yeah, why?” You don’t know what he saw in your face, but he automatically sat up straight on your bed.

“Did you come in here last night? Like, did you project in here when I couldn’t see or hear you?” Your tone was accusatory and panicked, your voice raising slightly in volume as a result.

A short pause. “Yeah,” he answered, his face losing all humor and friendliness. It looked pleading and defensive.

“How long?”

From the amount of time it took for him to answer the question, you knew that anything that came from his mouth would be a lie.

“Just a second. When I finished my homework, I wanted to see if it was cool for me to come over. I didn’t want to wake you up by calling or texting, so I decided to come check on you. I left as soon as I saw. Even if you weren’t sleeping, I figured you wouldn’t want me to come over when you were like that,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

It didn’t work and you could feel yourself mentally withdrawing from him. It wasn’t just the peeping, it was the lying, and how he only felt badly about it when you seemed uncomfortable with it. Not because he was actually sorry. Actually, no. He hadn’t even apologized, so he wasn’t even fake-sorry.

You took a moment to think on it, keeping your face as neutral as possible. Calling him out on it wouldn’t do anything, neither would sending him away. He could come in whenever he wanted and do anything to you. You swallowed the part of you that was excited by that by reminding yourself that most people found that repulsive.

There was nothing that you could do to keep yourself safe from him, especially if you made him angry. There was also nothing you found yourself wanting to do either, a small voice in your head reminded you.

The thought of him no longer in your life was heartbreaking, devastating even. As upset as you were, your intense feelings for him were still there. But, this wasn’t healthy or what you knew as normal. For that part of yourself, you felt like taking a break from him was what was necessary.

“Okay. Sorry you had to see that,” you chirped after a few moments of fluttering around your room. The fact that you had to apologize to him felt like cement in your mouth with every word.

“No, I’m sorry. It was invasive. I should’ve just texted you or something,” he insisted.

How could someone who sounds so sincere and caring be such a pervert?

The rest of the weekend was tense. Really tense. When you watched a movie, you made sure to sit at the opposite end of the couch from him. You didn’t talk to him as much, and you barely initiated any conversation yourself. The night was the worst part. You couldn’t just offer up Carla’s room to him to sleep in, and you couldn’t send him to the couch because that would make him suspicious.

You did make sure that you weren’t sleeping under the same blanket as him, but that still didn’t relax you enough to sleep. Even if you had made sure to wear your most concealing pajamas. You spent the whole night faking slumber, wondering if he was walking around your dorm like some sort of ghost and watching you. The worst part of it was that you had no way of knowing if he was projecting or not. His chest was rising and falling slowly, and his handsome face was peaceful. You inwardly screamed, not being able to help the invasive thoughts telling you that under different circumstances, you’d be blushing and unable to sleep for an entirely different reason.

If last night hadn’t happened, you’d be wearing your most revealing nightie and eager to cuddle close to him in your bed. You felt guilty for having masturbated at all last night and potentially ruining your friendship for it.

In the morning, you nearly jumped with joy when your roommates informed you that she was returning early after ruining her dad’s birthday by getting drunk and slugging his indoor pet donkey. It was the most ridiculous thing you had ever heard of and you would’ve laughed out loud if you weren’t so relieved.

You were careful to seem very sad and disappointed when you told Dalton the news. He laughed at the excuse and asked if it was real. You showed him the text and he pulled you into a hug while chuckling.

You wanted to melt into him and hug him back. Forty-eight hours ago and you wouldn’t been through the roof with happiness. Instead, you curled your hands into his shirt and tucked your face into his neck so he wouldn’t see your expression of discomfort.

As soon as he left that afternoon, you made special care to lock the door and immediately ran to your room, hiding under your blanket until Carla stumbled through the door, grumpy from her hangover.

*~*~*

Dalton was upset. For many reasons. All different. All relating to you.

He should’ve been ecstatic. That’s how he wanted to feel. That’s how everything in his life was positioned to make him feel.

He got to spend the night with you, even getting to sleep next to you in your bed. He ate with you, watched movies with you, and he laughed with you as he finished getting dressed after his shower. He didn’t imagine the way you admired his bare torso after he toweled his hair dry.

But you barely talked to him. You wouldn’t touch him, and god, he wanted you to. He wanted to touch you, but he could tell that you evaded him on purpose. You let him hug you, squeeze your hand, nudge you with his foot to make sure you were paying attention to the movie. When he woke up in your bed his arm wrapped around your tummy, you looked restful and happy while still asleep.

And after he left because your stupid roommate couldn’t hold her fucking liquor, you texted him a ‘thank you’ with a kiss emoji. A kiss emoji. Just like you had that night. The night you had confronted him about.

He didn’t expect you to be so okay with it. And after the shock wore off, he was flooded with relief and satisfaction. That had to be an invitation, right? You wanted him to. You liked it. You wanted him to do it again, if he wanted to. He knew you noticed your missing underwear. You must have known that he took them. And you had let him keep them.

But you hadn’t been texting him as much.

On average, your texted Dalton a lot more frequently than he texted you. Not because he wasn’t interested or because he was a bad texter. You were just very enthusiastic and had a lot more to say to him. He was as quiet in his messages as he was in real life.

It was different after the sleepover, though. You were drier, and distant. Instead of actually talking to him, you would simply react to his messages. He hated it. He knew you liked him more than that, so why we’re you acting so weird?

Weeks went by like that. Suddenly, you were always with your classmates, who were your close friends all of the sudden. You wouldn’t call him. You had stopped sending him pictures of yourself in your chat after that first night. He only ever really saw you in person when he followed you around campus.

Dalton’s mood worsened with everyone during that period, and it was damaging everything in his life. Since it was spring, his art teacher wanted him to focus on nature, and creation, and rejuvenation. As if he could care less about that right now, and she noticed. His grades suffered as as result of him taking out his problems on his canvas.

His social life was even more stale than it usually was. He stopped hanging out with the few friends he had, stopped talking to everyone except his mom and Chris. And that was only because both women refused to not talk to him at least twice a day.

But Chris respected herself a lot more than his other friends did, so when he saw you on a date with some other guy and tried to ditch her, she confronted him on his behavior.

“What the fuck is up with you right now, Dolphin? And don’t say nothing, because you almost walked into traffic a second ago!” Her voice was loud and he tugged her to somewhere more dark and quiet.

“Did you see her? With some other guy?! I don’t have a problem, she’s the one with the fucking problem!” He started pacing as he snarled at Chris, glaring venomously into the direction of the restaurant where he could see you sitting across from some douche.

I could fucking…

Fuck, she looks beautiful…

She’s mine! She should be dressing up like that for me!

I should go in there. Fucking bend her over and take her right there…

Make everyone watch as she screams my name. She’d pull me in, too, her pussy would just suck me right in…

She’d kiss me, and I wouldn’t even care about seeing that dumb bastard’s face until she stopped…

Then I’d bash his fucking face into the table…until it was ruined…until no one could recognize him…until he stopped moving…

I’d keep fucking her, too. She’d want it. I saw how she is, she was still playing with herself even after she came. Her greedy cunt would need me to fill it. Fill it up all the way. Make it stick and she’ll be with me forever…

It took Dalton approximately six minutes and twenty-two seconds to realize that Chris was talking to him. And that he was really lucky that it was too dark here they were to see his erection.

“…ook, I’m sorry man. I really thought she was into you. But if this is the reason you’ve been acting so weird lately, then you have got to get a grip. It’s not fair to either of you for you to be acting like this,” Chris chastised all in one breath. She looked like she’d been doing so since the moment he’d zoned out.

“You’re right, and I’m sorry. It’s just, I thought there was a moment when we were going forward. I guess I was wrong. We should go, I think I need to be alone right now,” he apologized sincerely. And that was the truth. He was sorry. Not nearly as sorry as he was angry, but he wasn’t going to take that out on his best friend. He knew better.

He’d take it out on you.

Dalton had been projecting more often since that night. There were multiple instances with spirits, but he wouldn’t be deterred from seeing you. He was getting better at it, too. He was able to make himself visible to others while in his astral form, he tested it on Chris. He was even able to control his body and project while he was awake. He could do his homework while watching you shower.

He even got to see you touch yourself sometimes. He stopped doing it to himself that first time, controlling his body so that when he went back in, he could suck at the crotch of your panties while getting himself off. It was more connected to you that way.

He knew you still loved him, that’s why he was confused as to why you distanced yourself. When you came, it was his name falling from your tongue. When you opened and closed your messages, it was his contact you were constantly checking. You would even type out messages before deleting the words and throwing your phone in frustration.

So now, sitting in his dorm and glaring at the picture of you kneeling in front of the mirror, he debated how he should confront you on your date.

D: “Me and Chris were going for ice cream and saw you at that nice Italian place. You looked pretty. Was the food good?”

He wouldn’t ask about the guy. This wasn’t about that overstepping asshole trying to steal you away from him. It was about you, and whether you would lie to him.

You took a moment to reply and to his complete surprise and joy so strong that he could sing, you also sent a photo. Your lips were stained pink and glossy, wrapped around a thick boba straw. The angle was from above so you were looking up all innocently into the camera as you sucked the brown sugar tapioca pearls into your mouth. Dalton felt himself stiffening and adjusted himself in his seat as he read your message.

You: “Thanks. Honestly, I couldn’t really focus on the food. I was on a date and the guy ordered for me and spent the entire time talking about how much of a man he was. I didn’t even like what he ordered. I would’ve preferred being there with you.”

His heart skipped a beat and he forgot all about how upset he was with you after reading the end of your text. Wished you were with me? Like as a date?

D: “Sounds awful. Please don’t tell me he left you with the check, too.”

He added another mirror picture, this time fully clothed and making a comically inquisitive face at the camera. He still wasn’t sure where you were on this potential reconciliation, but he had high hopes given how long your message has been. You hadn’t been texting him more than one or two lines in ages.

You: “After ORDERING. FOR. ME. he casually mentions how he likes to split the bill to make sure women aren’t using him for his money. Dalton, the main course itself was $40, not including sides and appetizers. I threw my lap towel at him and took off.

You: “This fool expected me to pay for food that I didn’t even fucking order or like, after acting like he was some big shit the entire time. Dick head was lucky I didn’t toss my plate in his lap. Splitting the check? Get the fuck outta my face.”

Dinner date etiquette was a big deal to you. You had very vividly described it to Dalton when he had asked once and it was ingrained in his mind. If you asked someone on a date, then you had to pay for the outing. Exceptions can be made in certain situations, but only once a relationship was established. Askers have to pay on the first date, especially if they planned it out. Dalton empathized greatly with your situation, and was filled with even more hatred for the jackass. Still, were you only talking to him to vent about a bad date? Were you just jerking him around at your own convenience?

Your next photo was of you at your desk, you hand cupping your throat and you making a comically shocked face. Your eyes were rolled to the ceiling, your brows furrowed, and your mouth opened to an ‘o’. Dalton’s pants tightened when he thought of the other ways he could get you to make that face, none of them funny.

D: “Don’t let one experience ruin the restaurant for you. Next time, I’ll take you and you can order every little thing you think you’ll enjoy. My treat.”

As ridiculous as it made him feel, he thought it necessary to lighten the mood and show you that he meant his text as casually as possible. So, his responding photo was of him making what Chris had referred to as the “rizz face”. He made a finger gun across his chin and bit his lip in an enthusiastic and “seductive” smile. He let his head fall loudly onto his desk in embarrassment as he hit send.

You two had gotten food together plenty of times. It wasn’t odd. But you never got food at nice or upscale places like the one Dalton had seen you at. Even the semi-nice corporation chain places, like Olive Garden, it was rare. And usually only if you two were splitting a single meal. College students.

His invitation, while open to rejection, was very clearly set in a less-than-friendly way. At least he thought it was. Dalton assumed you’d see it that way, too, since he’s never once brought up fine dining to you before. This was his chance to get back in your good graces. And hopefully, be more than friends, if you accepted.

You: “That sounds nice, actually. I’d love to. Just not until I can stomach going since that jerk kinda ruined it for me. I didn’t even want to go, but Carla insisted.”

Bro, fuck Carla, man! Your next messaged came in a few seconds later.

You: “Luckily, she felt so bad that she profusely apologized and bought me boba before going to her girlfriend’s. My great suffering has ended.”

Your next picture was of you smiling into the camera with your nose scrunched cutely and your hands inverted under your chin in mock-innocence. You looked adorable. But Dalton was confused. Why the hell would you go out with a guy you didn’t even like when you could’ve been hanging out with him? It made him angry at you all over again.

D: “Why bother going out with him then? You could’ve just called me, I would’ve brought you something to eat and you would’ve actually had a good time.”

He didn’t send a photo. Neither did you after taking ten minutes to reply.

You: “Wanted an excuse to dress up.”

Dalton nearly crushed his phone in his hand. What the fuck were you doing to him? He was so sick of this chasing bullshit. He was done with your little game. You were his, and he wouldn’t accept you going out with another guy to get compliments on how pretty you were. Especially not when he was willing to spend every waking moment of his life showing you how ethereally beautiful he thought you were. He would kiss the ground you walked on, not order food you didn’t like. He would worship you, not expect you to pay for an overly priced meal. If he were able to, he’d spend entire lifetimes pleasing you and satisfying you in ways that you couldn’t even imagine and that dumb fuck you went out with wouldn’t even be capable of.

Leaving you on read, Dalton grabbed his jacket and his shoes and stormed out of his dorm, nearly sprinting to get to you. Once at your door, he barreled into your dorm, barely noticing that you’d forgotten to lock it again.

Startled at the noise, you jumped from inside the bathroom and glanced between him and your phone multiple times. Dalton then remembered that he stupidly forgot to bring his phone with him when he decided to come over.

“Dalton, what the hell?” You crossed your arms over your chest and Dalton felt his mouth water at the way it made your tits look in the lacy tank top you wore without a bra.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts and reflect on what the hell he was doing, Dalton returned to his clarified anger.

“What the hell is your problem? You’ve barely talked to me in weeks and then I find out you’re going out with some fuckhead that you don’t even like when I’m right here. Begging for your attention and always available when you want or need me. You lead me on and then ignored me for other people, what do I have to do to get to be with me. Because I know you want to, so don’t bother with any of your bullshit because I’ve fucking had it with you!”

As he vented his grievances with you, he stalked over to where you were and grabbed you by your shoulder tightly. He pulled you to him closely enough that your noses were inches from touching. A part of him sang at having you so closely to him but his anger and desperation for you were so strong that his only forms of expression were physical and rough.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?! You break into my house and yell at me, and somehow you’re the victim of my behavior? You know exactly why things changed! You know why I had to go on that date! I didn’t say anything, but I know the truth, Dalton. I know what you did that night,” you confronted him, pushing him away but not actively trying to escape his hold. Dalton’s hands slipped down to your wrists, latching on when you made no move to pull away from him.

“Then why did you not tell me to leave when you found out? Why did you not say anything, tell me the truth that you knew I was lying? You let me sleep in your bed with you, baby, you let me touch you. If you think you’re all that angry about what you think happened, you sure aren’t acting like it,” Dalton hissed, tugging you close and breathing into your hair.

Your body was hot so close to his and your hair was softly tickling his chin and throat as you shook your head in denial.

“No. No, that’s not true. I just knew that saying anything wouldn’t have stopped you from doing it again,” you rebutted, glaring up at him.

You were right, he had continued because you hadn’t said anything. And you hadn’t spoken to him properly in over a month. Still, even if you couldn’t see it, Dalton knew you were lying to yourself.

“If you had said something, I would’ve stopped,” he conceded, pulling away from you. “But you can’t deny that you want me. You invited me in, over and over again. And I came running every single time. Even after seeing you with that prick. What I did isn’t some kind of dealbreaker for you. You can lie to yourself about it, but you can’t lie to me. Don’t let me in with no intention to keep me because I will keep coming back.”

When the distance shrunk between his body and yours, it was you that initiated. You glowered at Dalton smugly.

“And how exactly do you know that, Dalton?” You knew exactly what he had done, and you were goading him to make yourself seem morally superior and him less credible. But moral or not, he was still right.

“The calls are coming from the inside the house, aren’t they, sweetheart? You knew all this time and you were what? Putting on a show for me? You can’t have known which times I would’ve shown up, meaning that you were fucking yourself at every opportunity thinking I was somehow watching you. I bet you were there with your fingers pumping in your pussy wishing I would do something about it,” he accused, stroking light fingers up and down your arms.

When you hardened your glare before looking down at your feet, Dalton knew he was right. He smirked down at your before pulling a hand up and using two fingers to guide your face up to look him in the eyes.

“I can, you know, do something about it now. You just have to admit it.”

Your response was a bit more defensive than he would’ve hoped. “Admit what?”

“I want to know how you feel about me. If I hadn’t made it clear by now, I’m hopelessly in love with you. I’d do anything for you and I absolutely hate that this is the way you’re finding out about it. I’d have rather taken you out on a date and showered you with gifts and made you feel loved before actually telling you. But I get I’ll have to settle for making you angry and then fucking all of it out of you. Would you like that?”

Dalton would always remember his first kiss. It was sudden and rushed and he didn’t have enough time to actually kiss back, not that he’d wanted to. He appreciates that it’s something that he and Chris don’t talk about. It makes it all the more sweeter to think about his first actually kiss being with you.

You brought his head in slowly but lost all control when your lips met his. Dalton’s eyes squeezed shut as he grabbed the sides of your face to pull you in even closer. He gasped into your mouth, using the opportunity to lick the seam of your lips with his tongue. He had never kissed anyone, period, much less using his tongue. Everything he was doing was the result of instinct, movies, and the attempts you and Chris have made to verbally teach him how to please a woman.

You pull your mouth away from his but Dalton can’t take his lips from your body now that he’s had a taste. His lips burn their way down your throat, his kisses open-mouthed and desperate. Dalton is eating up your moans, using them to fuel and guide his actions.

“I adore you,” you gasp, fisting handfuls of his hair to keep him on you. You couldn’t have separated him from you if you tried. “I couldn’t separate what I thought was right from what I actually wanted and I’m so sick of being away from you. I wanna be with you, Dalton. I just want you, all of you.”

Dalton shoved you into the wall, pinning you there with the length of his own body. His cold fingers crawled along your ribcage, digging into the plump flesh there harshly. One of his knees shoved itself between your legs and he used his grip on your sides to settle you on his thigh.

“You’re going to feel all of me. I’ve been waiting far too long for this, so you are going to take it. You hear me? Be a good girl and enjoy it,” he hissed in your ear as he left a biting kiss on your lips, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth.

The little sounds escaping your mouth drive him nuts and he didn’t even bother trying to restrain himself from grinding his erection against the crotch of your sleep shorts. They barely covered anything anyway, but he still wanted to feel you bare. You rode his thigh with no shame, leaning in to kiss him again.

Dalton still didn’t know much about kissing so he didn’t protest your taking control of his lips. He accepted anything you gave him and moaned when your tongue slid into his mouth to taste him. Your hips jerked harder on him when he did and he grinned wickedly at uncovering one of your kinks.

Your hands pulled at his shirt and as he yanked it over his head, Dalton began walking backwards to your bedroom. When the backs of his knees hit your bed, he let himself fall into a sitting position, hauling you into his lap. His hands found your hips and guided you to start grinding against him again. Your hands went to your own shirt and as soon as you or chest was uncovered, Dalton was lowering his head to softly kiss and lick your breasts. One of your hands went to his hair and tugged at the roots . He moaned and sucked one of your nipples into his mouth, circling his tongue around the peak.

“Dalton…shit,” you sighed, rolling your hips down on him. His erection was sliding against all of the right places, but you needed more.

He pulled off you with a pop and started aggressively biting and sucking marks across your chest at random. His hand tracked from your hip to the back of your head. He gather some hair in his hands and used it to yank your head back, forcing you to arch into him and push your breasts closer to his face.

Dalton could feel your arousal soaking through your panties and shorts and into his sweatpants. His tongue traced broad lines down your belly until he was laying back onto your bed and sliding you along his stomach and chest until your pussy was hovering above his face.

“Gonna make you cum first. Been looking forward to this for ages. You want me to have a taste, right?” His fingers curled around the waistline of your shorts and was already tugging them down your hips along with your underwear.

Your nails dug into the backs of his hands as you stopped him. “What if I’m too heavy for you?”

Dalton response was to knock your hands away from his, leaving red scratches, and drag your shorts off the rest of the way. Left completely bare, you barely got a word in edgewise before he drew you down onto his mouth. And it seems like he took the term “eating you out” a bit too seriously because he was lapping and swallowing at your lips and clit like a man starved. His tongue started thrusting in your wet heat, his grasp on your thighs threatening to bruise your flesh as he heaved you impossibly closer.

Your hands slapped onto the wall in front of your loudly as you started to ride his nose and tongue. Your head was thrown back and you were cementing out without abandon. Your dorms were bigger than Dalton’s but the walls were just as thin, yet it didn’t occur to either of you to care about your neighbors hearing.

Your release was quickly approaching, and when Dalton began suckling on your clit while simultaneously thrusting two fingers into you without warning, you lost yourself in euphoria. You lost control of your limbs, your body jerking and twitching violently as you came. And Dalton didn’t let up once, moaning around your folds as if he were the one cumming.

“Dalton? Dalton, let up.” He didn’t, smacking your hand away when you tried to push his face away from your pussy.

“I told you that you were gonna take it, and I’m not done yet,” he growled before running his nose up your slit to your clit and thrusting his tongue inside you once more. You yelled at the overstimulation and tried to lift yourself off of him but Dalton’s grip on your thighs tightened even further, refusing to let you move.

Ten minutes of calling out his name and begging, he tossed you aside into your back and climbed on top of you. Dalton dove in for a deep kiss, clearly wanting you to taste yourself on his tongue. You whimpered against his lips and locked your legs around his hood, using your feet to push his pants down his legs.

Dalton lifted his hips just enough to make the fabric go down and kicked off the offending material. He lifted up one of your knees to his ribs and lined himself up with you, all without breaking eye contact. Sealing your consent with a kiss, Dalton swallowed the shout you let out as he thrusted into you slowly.

Dalton knew he wasn’t going to last long but he was determined to give you one last orgasm and set a quick and even pace to build you up again. He buried his face into your neck kissing and biting at the soft skin as he pounded into you. His hands were glued to your shoulder and thigh, pulling your body in thrust for thrust. His head flew back in a roar when your nails raked down his back as you chanted his name over and over again. The sound of flesh slapping against wet flesh, your bed groaning and banging into the wall, and the both of your joined moaning sounded like music to Dalton and he could spend the rest of his life listening to this one melody.

“Oh, fuck, Dalton! I’m so close! I’m gonna cum!” Dalton felt that familiar pressure in his balls when he heard the sound of your whines. He tried to keep up that same steady pace so you wouldn’t lose your orgasm, but as soon as your walls tightened around him, he lost all control of himself.

He started slamming into you wildly, only after his own orgasm now. He was going so roughly that you started hitching up on the bed and had to grip the headboard to keep Dalton from potentially giving you a concussion. His hips pumped into you almost viscously and you knew you had to help him over that blissful edge.

You started kissing up his jaw and bit down on his earlobe, scratching down his chest and abs, before whispering breathily into his ear. “Cum in me Dalton! I want your cum! Give it to me! I want you feel you fill me up!”

For an added good measure, you grabbed one of his hands and spread his palm over your pelvis so that he could feel himself moving inside you.

Without a very loud shout of “Fuck!”, Dalton filled your womb with his seed before collapsing on top of you. You could feel his pushing heartbeat agent yours and wrapped your arms around him to prevent him from rolling off of you.

It took you both a few seconds of heavy panting to realize that there was still a pounding sound echoing throughout your room.

“Can you two shut the FUCK UP ALREADY!”

Both you and Dalton went completely still for a moment before bursting out into crazed laughter. You huddled together in your bed before Dalton clambered up and walked over to your bathroom.

He took just long enough that you were beginning to consider getting up yourself before he came back out again, armed with a damp rag and a bottle of your favorite lotion. He sat beside you and carefully began cleaning you up. You felt yourself blushing when he admired his cum leaking out from your hole. Then he warmed up the lotion in his hands and massaged your sore limbs, leaning over and kissing all of the marks he left with small whispers of “I love you” as his lips trailed down your body.

You dragged him down back next to you you and he positioned your body to be laying halfway on top of his, kissing your forehead and wrapping his arms around you. It didn’t take long for you to begin dozing off when he startled you with a softly spoken question.

“You’re my girlfriend now, right?”

You giggled and kissed his nose with an enthusiastic “Yes,” before allowing yourself to drift off.

*~*~*

Wow, this was probably longer than the first one! Hope y’all like it! Again, the first part and this sequel were both inspired by the Dalton imagine made by @glodessa

Also tagging these people who asked for a part two before I actually posted this

@explosiongamora

@flaminghotcheetoos

@nessabarrettsqueen

@purplevioletshoes

@12idk1234

@igotmajordaddyissues

@nyx22-blogs

@elizabe-thh

THIS CELEBRATES 60 FOLLOWERS ON THIS ACCOUNT! THANK Y’ALL SO MUCH FOR LIKING AND FOLLOWING! BE SURE TO KEEP SENDING IN THE REQUESTS BECAUSE I LOVE WRITING THEM FOR Y’ALL!

[youss-97]

Shattered Promises

You and Jungkook had always been the perfect match, or at least that’s what everyone said. Friends, family, even strangers who saw you together commented on how lucky you were to have found each other. And you believed it too. From the moment you met, there had been a spark, something undeniable that made you think, This is it. This is the person I want to spend my life with.

The two of you had been through so much together. Late-night talks that lasted until the early morning, spontaneous road trips, quiet nights spent in each other’s arms—every moment felt like a piece of a beautiful mosaic that you were carefully crafting together. Jungkook was your everything, and you were his. Or so you thought.

It started with small things, things you dismissed at first. Jungkook had always been busy with his career, but lately, it felt like he was drifting further and further away. There were more missed dates, more last-minute cancellations. He was always tired, always distracted. But whenever you asked him about it, he reassured you with that same soft smile, the one that had always melted your heart.

“I’m just a bit stressed with work,” he would say, pulling you close and kissing your forehead. “But don’t worry, we’re fine. I love you.”

And you believed him. Of course, you did. Why wouldn’t you? Jungkook had never given you a reason to doubt him before.

But then came the late nights. The texts that went unanswered, the calls that went straight to voicemail. You tried to be understanding. You knew how demanding his job was, how much pressure he was under. You told yourself it was just a rough patch, something every couple goes through. But deep down, a nagging feeling started to grow, a cold, creeping doubt that you tried desperately to ignore.

It all came crashing down one night when you decided to surprise him at the studio. It was something you used to do often—bring him dinner, sit with him while he worked, just enjoying each other’s company in the quiet moments between takes. But it had been a while since you’d done that, and you missed him. You missed the way things used to be.

When you arrived, the building was mostly empty, the hallways silent except for the faint sound of music coming from the studio. You smiled to yourself, thinking how happy he’d be to see you, to take a break and eat the dinner you’d carefully prepared.

But as you approached the door to the studio, you heard something that made your heart stop. Laughter. A woman’s laughter, soft and intimate, followed by Jungkook’s voice, low and familiar, but in a way that made your stomach churn with unease.

You paused, your hand hovering over the door handle, a thousand thoughts racing through your mind. You told yourself you were being paranoid, that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. But that doubt, that awful, gnawing doubt, wouldn’t go away.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed the door open. The sight that greeted you shattered your world.

Jungkook was there, sitting on the couch, his arm wrapped around someone else. A woman you recognized, someone he had mentioned in passing as a colleague, nothing more. But the way they were looking at each other, the way his fingers were gently brushing her hair away from her face, told you everything you needed to know.

Your heart felt like it had been ripped from your chest, the pain so intense you could hardly breathe. “Jungkook?” you managed to choke out, your voice trembling with disbelief.

He looked up, his eyes widening in shock and guilt. The woman beside him quickly pulled away, her expression shifting to one of discomfort and embarrassment. But you barely noticed her. Your focus was entirely on Jungkook, on the way he suddenly seemed so small, so uncertain, as if he didn’t know what to say, how to explain what you were seeing.

“I can explain,” he started, his voice faltering as he stood up, taking a step toward you. “It’s not what it looks like.”

But you could see the truth in his eyes, the guilt and shame that told you everything you needed to know. He didn’t have to say it. The betrayal was there, plain as day, and it broke you in a way you never thought possible.

“Why?” was all you could manage, your voice barely above a whisper. “Why would you do this?”

Jungkook’s face crumpled, and he reached out to you, but you stepped back, your mind spinning with a mixture of anger, hurt, and disbelief. “I… I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he said, his voice desperate. “It just… it just happened. I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry?” you repeated, the word tasting bitter in your mouth. “You’re sorry? After everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve built together, this is how it ends? With an apology?”

He had no words, nothing that could take away the pain he had caused. The room felt like it was closing in on you, the walls too tight, too suffocating. You turned and walked out, ignoring his calls for you to stop, to let him explain.

But what was there to explain? The trust, the love, everything you thought you had—it was all shattered, lying in pieces at your feet. And as you walked away from the studio, from him, you knew there was no going back. The person you loved had betrayed you in the worst possible way, and no apology could ever mend the cracks that had formed in your heart.

As you stepped out into the night, the cold air hitting your face, you realized that the person you had trusted the most was the one who had hurt you the deepest. And that was a wound that would take a long time to heal—if it ever did.

You walked away from the studio, your mind a storm of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion. The city lights blurred as tears welled up in your eyes, but you kept moving forward, desperate to put as much distance between you and Jungkook as possible. Each step felt heavier than the last, like you were sinking into the ground with the weight of your heartbreak.

Jungkook had always been your safe place, the one person who made you feel like everything would be okay no matter what life threw at you. But now, that safety net was gone, ripped away by the very person you had trusted the most. You couldn’t wrap your mind around it. How could he do this? How could he throw away everything you had for… what? A fleeting moment of weakness?

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, but you ignored it, knowing it was likely him trying to reach you. You couldn’t talk to him right now, couldn’t even think about facing him. All you could do was keep walking, hoping the motion would somehow help you make sense of the chaos in your head.

You ended up at a small park, one you and Jungkook had visited countless times before. The memories of those times felt like salt in an open wound now, but you found yourself drawn to it anyway. You sank onto a bench, the cold metal seeping through your coat, and finally let the tears fall.

You weren’t sure how long you sat there, letting the tears flow until your eyes burned and your chest ached from the force of your sobs. Eventually, the tears slowed, leaving you feeling hollow and exhausted. But the pain was still there, a dull, constant ache in your chest that wouldn’t go away.

The thoughts kept circling in your mind—how you had trusted him, how you had believed in him, how you had given him your whole heart. You had been so sure of him, so convinced that what you had was unbreakable. But here you were, shattered and alone, while the man you loved was likely still trying to figure out what to say to you, how to fix something that couldn’t be fixed.

As the night wore on, you realized you couldn’t stay in the park forever. You had to face reality, even if it felt like the hardest thing you’d ever done. You took a deep breath, pulling out your phone. Several missed calls from Jungkook, as expected, and a few texts that you couldn’t bring yourself to read just yet. But there was also a missed call from a friend, one who had always been there for you, no matter what.

Without thinking too much about it, you called them back, and the moment they answered, the sound of their voice broke the dam inside you again. You didn’t even have to explain—just hearing the concern in their voice, the way they immediately offered to come to you, made you feel a little less alone.

You waited on the bench until they arrived, the cold air biting into your skin, but you barely felt it. When they pulled up, you got into the car without a word, and they drove you back to your place, the silence between you heavy but comforting in its own way.

Back at your apartment, your friend didn’t push you to talk, didn’t ask for details. They just sat with you, offering quiet support as you finally let out everything you had been holding in. The anger, the betrayal, the confusion—it all poured out in a torrent of words, each one cutting you open a little more, but somehow also making it easier to breathe.

“I just don’t understand how he could do this,” you said finally, your voice raw from crying. “How could he just throw it all away like that?”

Your friend sighed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I don’t know,” they admitted. “Sometimes people make mistakes, big ones, and they hurt the people they care about. It doesn’t make it right, and it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. But you don’t have to figure it all out right now.”

You nodded, leaning into them, feeling a small measure of comfort in their presence. You still felt like you were drowning in the aftermath of what had happened, but at least you weren’t completely alone.

The days that followed were some of the hardest you’d ever experienced. Jungkook kept trying to reach out, sending more texts, leaving voicemails that you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to. Each one felt like a reminder of the wound that had been torn open, a wound that was still too fresh, too raw to even think about healing.

You stayed with your friend for a while, needing the distance from everything that reminded you of him. They were patient, giving you space when you needed it and listening when you wanted to talk. Slowly, you started to piece yourself back together, though the hurt never really went away.

It was a week before you finally agreed to see Jungkook again. He had asked to talk, to explain, and though part of you wanted to refuse, another part of you knew you needed closure, even if it wouldn’t bring the relief you were hoping for.

The meeting was awkward, tense, filled with long silences as he struggled to find the right words. He looked worn out, his eyes shadowed with guilt and regret, but that didn’t soften the anger you still felt, the betrayal that lingered just beneath the surface.

“I messed up,” he said, his voice breaking the silence. “I know that. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know how sorry I am.”

You nodded, but you didn’t trust yourself to speak, not yet.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he continued, his voice thick with emotion. “I was stupid, and I let things get out of hand. I let my guard down when I shouldn’t have. I know that doesn’t make it better, but I need you to know that it was a mistake, the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

You looked at him, really looked at him, and saw the sincerity in his eyes, the regret that seemed to weigh on him like a physical burden. But even so, the damage was done. The trust that had once been the foundation of your relationship was gone, shattered into pieces that you weren’t sure could ever be put back together.

“I believe that you’re sorry,” you said finally, your voice steady despite the emotions swirling inside you. “But I don’t know if that’s enough. You broke something, Jungkook. You broke us.”

He winced at your words, his head hanging low as he nodded. “I know. And I hate myself for it. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t.”

Silence settled between you again, heavy and suffocating. There were so many things you wanted to say, so many questions you wanted to ask, but none of them seemed to matter anymore. What mattered was that the person you had once trusted with your whole heart had betrayed that trust, and there was no easy way to come back from that.

“I need time,” you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper. “Time to figure out where to go from here. I don’t know if I can forgive you, Jungkook. I don’t know if I want to.”

He nodded, his eyes filled with a sadness that mirrored your own. “I understand. Take all the time you need. I’ll be here, waiting, if you ever want to talk.”

With that, you stood up, feeling the weight of your decision settle over you. It wasn’t the closure you had hoped for, but it was something. It was a step forward, even if the path ahead was uncertain.

As you walked away, you felt a strange sense of relief, mingled with the ache that still throbbed in your chest. The road to healing would be long, and you didn’t know if you and Jungkook would ever find your way back to each other. But for now, you were choosing yourself, choosing to put your heart first.

And maybe, someday, that would be enough.

[kafus]

i’m going to be honest i’ve been suffocating mentally under this horrifically complex and unstoppable force in my brain that keeps telling me i have to constantly be working and i can’t rest. i can’t sleep properly. when i lie down to rest or do something relaxing, i just sit there losing my mind the entire time and feeling guilty and can’t bring myself to chill out. it’s been so constant and never-ending that at this point i’m paranoid i’ll never be able to relax or feel comfortable in my own skin again

i need more sleep for going out this evening but i’ve woken up after only 3 hours of sleep and am sitting anxiously on the living room couch while my friend and my parents are all still asleep violently shaking my leg but too tired to actually get anything done. i feel like something is going to attack me for not working myself to death right now. i feel like i’m running out of time but i don’t know what for

ayano’s been trying to help me but not even all her usual calming techniques have helped me at all and she’s been struggling to front because the presence of my overwhelm is so bad it’s like i’m clinging to here and can’t let go

i need my brain to let me chill out soon or i think i’m going to have a crying screaming mental breakdown. i feel like i’m about to burst into flames. my head hurts

[glibble-glonker]

i also saw first now that you liked the 3rd hc list so i won’t include that

also i angstyfy it because im listening to billie elish rn she slaps

so here are proper Izzy hcs feat. my dyslexia and self projection

- Shs has a hat that says “this hat hides my lobotomy scars”

- Definitely wants to be like her sister to some level (whom i have said multiple times is scarlet)

- she’s a MASTER at hair styles, she just doesn’t always feel like doing them. But eats it up whenever someone asks her to do their hair.

- her favourite food is mejillones a la marinera y pan and her favourite drink is aloe vera water

- heterochromia

- can hold her breath for a crazy long time and definitely played mermaids in the pool when she was younger

- always a little late when it comes to typical teenage things like “hey you should start using oil on your skin to get rid of those stretch marks y’know” “no why the fuck would i do that it looks like i was struck by lightning that shits epic”

- i said this in another post but i think her and Heather used to be very good friends until Heather got a taste of popularity and then ditched Izzy. But yeah i think she was one of those friends that weren’t really smart but also very smart. “my mom said i had to watch my weight, so yeah i can’t have that.” “tell your mom to stop lecturing you about your weight, and tell her to lecture your dad cause i saw him on my moms couch this morning.”

- also her short hair slayed i just had to say that

- has some form of tics (tics not tourettes, i can make a whole essay on the difference)

- i had a dream once that her and ezekiel were neighbours by farm and used to go to a crunch together so im gonna add that too (idk man dreams are weird)

- VERY messy room

- distances herself from people that she’s close with (friends specifically) so that she doesn’t have some form of breakdown in front of them, and they end up thinking she’s insane and leave her.

- ^ i think that ship sailed but she’s a little slow 👍

- begs her friends to teach her how to cook. they mostly just reject it cause they know she’s gonna fuck up, but it’s mostly cause her parents had a tendency to yell when she made a mess or fucked something up. so she’d rather learn it from someone like Noah or Cody

- ^ i’m not a noco shipper i just think Izzy and Cody would be good friends.

- also her and duncan first met at a pistol safety course

- her friends definitely have to look twice whenever she falls asleep somewhere because idk she’s just not the kinda person you’d expect to fall asleep ykwim

- ^ like they know she’s a fucking human but they get thrown off when she suddenly gets tired like damn girl you sleep?

- she’s a floptok icon she just doesn’t know it

- duncan and izzy are younger sister older brother type shit

- ^ they both probably got arrested by duncan’s parents themselves

ALSO, i’ve done crazy research on psychosis for an english essay, and the things i say about psychosis are backed up by research from the international mental health institute

- ^ she’s not one to get scared and/or paranoid, but when she does it’s BAD, like she’s checking every cabinet, locking every door three times, closing all blinds. and sometimes her friends (i say friends cause what are the chances her siblings don’t already know about this) get scared too cause like damn who doesn’t get scared when their friends start checking behind every door while saying that someone is outside.

- “there are bugs under your skin” and she’s throwing herself off a boat she’s gone

Oh my god that’s a lot i think i’m gonna stop there

thank you for watching don’t forget to like and subscribe for more epic content 🔥🔥

OMG OMG AHHHHHHHHHHH HETROCROMIA IZZY AHH

[iguessitsjustme]

Love Sea Ep 4 & 5 Thoughts

Okay. As I’m writing this, I know I’ve been gone from tumblr for at least a week (I was back(ish) a day earlier than expected. Weeeeee) Possibly more. So it’s been a minute since at least episode 4 aired. So I’m lumping it in with my episode 5 watch next week. And if y’all think just because I’m not on tumblr, I’m not liveblogging…well of course I am. My wrist does hurt though so I’m not sure how talkative I’ll be. I am also having a bad brain day and I have had a whole weekend full of absolute shit. And my week is going to be…tiring. I’ll be on a plane, a road trip in a car, and then a train. All in the span of like…4-5 days. Don’t ask. Anyway that will be in the past by the time I post this. Time to watch. As always, liveblog under the cut and will likely have criticism. You’ve been warned before you click:

“Every meeting ends with a farewell” please tell me they aren’t going to try to be deep right now. They have not done nearly enough to build up Rak’s side of feelings for me to believe he’s feeling introspective at leaving this place. He pretty much hated it here for the most part. I could maybe understand if it was Mut since he just apparently immediately fell in love because he believes in love. And believing in love means automatically falling in love with the standoffish guest that you’ve been fucking.

Okay the heart of my issue with Rak and Mut can be perfectly encapsulated in this scene where Rak learns that Mut has a pickup truck. “And did I ever tell you I didn’t have a pickup?” Sir, what you feel for Rak is not love. Because if you actually loved him and cared for him, you would have heard his complaints about the motorcycle and the cargo tricycle and used the pickup truck for him instead. He literally told you the motorcycle hurt him to ride and still you did nothing. Because it means more for you to have this weird sense of superiority over Rak than it does to make sure he’s comfortable and not in literal pain. I had a more caring relationship with my former coworker than this. Because I did something where I thought I was in the right but it was a petty argument and honestly, I could see how much she was hurting from it. So I apologized and I let her know that she was more important to me than being right. And that was for a COWORKER (now friend yay). Mut can’t even manage to do that with someone he supposedly likes romantically.

Why does Rak not get to be upset about this? Mut just immediately shuts it down by saying “let’s not end on a bad note.” Sir, you caused the bad note and made no apologies. Instead you laughed at Rak for daring to want some comfort while having no control over his own life while there. Like seriously. If you caused the pain, you don’t get to dictate when the hurt is done.

And the flashbacks again. Will we get some every damn episode? We’re 4 for 4 now.

Rak baby boy this doesn’t make any sense. Does Mut have a magic dick? I do not understand.

What.

Noisy sidewalk people go AWAY

So Mook is paranoid for her valid concerns about STDs? He should get tested. So should Rak. If memory serves, both sleep around. Mut with guests and Rak when he needs to write smut. And Rak has slept with Mut already. I know they used a condom each time, but he should still get tested too. Seriously. Rak’s wealth and fame won’t protect him from STDs.

Noisy neighbor go AWAY

Man I wish this show would just let Rak be aro without making it about trauma and him just being scared to love.

Am I supposed to care about this random woman at the end? Cause I don’t.

And I feel meh about this episode as well. See you in literally the bullet below for episode 5 but it will be a week for me. Time is weird man. Time is weird.

Time IS weird past Rae. And you were right, it was a tiring week. I’m finally caught up on shows though..sort of. I still might start another show tonight. Or maybe listen to an audiobook. I think I’m gonna return my library book and see if they have it on audiobook. If I thought my wrist hurt last week, that’s nothing compared to today. Mistakes were made on my trip. One was unavoidable and the other was…well I did an exercise and that was a mistake.

Anyway now for episode 5.

Rak should wear his glasses all the time. That is all (speaking of glasses…where did I put mine…)

I had issues with that whole scene but honestly I’m too tired to type them all out. Mut is not as smart as he thinks he is and that’s all I have to say.

Rak, sweetie, the waiter just stood there. You know that. You were there.

I’ve had guys say this to me after I told them I don’t like them. You will never guess the outcome of that.

Absolutely the fuck not. There is no way that any person with a uterus wrote this line. Because what the fuck. Why is it that Mook isn’t allowed to be upset with being sent all over yonder on an errand for someone who is NOT her employer and this is the response to her being upset? Believe it or not, people that have periods can be angry because of the actions of other people and not just because of their period. Yes, PMS is a thing, but it is not the only reason for anger. Who wrote this line? I just want to talk.

Save Mook. Save her.

I hate how Vie perpetuates the horrible stereotypes of women in order to manipulate Mook. It’s awful.

So let me get this straight. Mut…forced Rak to go out to eat with him (even though they could have gotten delivery) and then when they’re shopping and Rak has explicitly stated that he wants to leave, it is a “date” because Mut is interested in Rak and he says so. But Rak has stated he does not like Mut. So the whole thing doesn’t work because Rak DOESN’T WANT TO BE THERE. It’s not a date if they both don’t agree it’s a date. And to Mut, you can’t use Rak’s novels against him. Those are characters in fiction. They don’t represent Rak’s real feelings. I hate Mut. Have I mentioned that? I mean I’m not Rak’s biggest fan either but Mut is just…dumb. Rak should be able to argue against this it’s so dumb.

Most novels don’t have sound?? I mean there are audiobooks but the sound in those is typically just words. Unless it’s different in Thailand? I don’t know. Also maybe this is a translation thing? (This is me after the end of the episode and I get it. He was talking about what the author says the sound effect would be. I admit it, I was dumb here. I don't think it came across quite right in the translation but this is fully on me for being dumb. But also the sound mixing at the end? Do NOT get me started. It was bad and I wanted to die.)

If someone put all of my alcohol and snacks back while I was shopping AND paying for it…I would murder them on the spot. I beg your finest pardon Mut, but let Rak have snacks? The alcohol I’m less pressed about because he does have alcohol at home but the snacks? THE SNACKS? I hope Mut rots in hell. This is The Ultimate Sin to me. *guards my snacks with my life*

If Rak’s skin still looks that good on a diet of alcohol and snacks, then I will eat my hat. Also Mut mind yo business. You ain’t his doctor. C’mere Rak. I’ll give you some snacks.

Save Mook. Save her.

This family drama is so poorly written. I feel bad for the actors who are killing it in this scene. They deserve a better script.

I did not hate the end of that episode. Or the scene in the dressing room. Mut's response to the drama was...he still has some work to do on boundaries but it wasn't bad. He did eventually respect the boundaries and they had some good communication in that dressing room. I don’t like that he had to be screamed at before he left Rak alone, but he didn’t walk to Rak which I was so scared he was gonna do and the show was gonna paint it as romantic.

The preview for next week has me concerned though. I probably won’t like episode 6. But that’s all for this week…and last. My wrist hurts and I need a nap.

[thecircularsystem]

Just... for once, I would like to go one year without someone spreading bullshit about me and my friends.

TW for harassment, sexual content, sui, paranoia, etc.

Okay. So.

I want to preface this with something.

I do not want any messages about this. I do not want to see a single message sent to Dude. I do not want to see a single message sent to Blue-Bubonic. I ESPECIALLY do not want a single message sent to Sophie, or Hal, or fucking Nox, or anyone, just keep this shit out of your mouths.

I am so, so tired of being caught in perpetual, triggering trauma. I am so, so tired of being accused of shit I never did, of things I never said, of things I don’t think or feel.

I made this post up because I’m delusional and paranoid. I hear that SAS spread rumors and my memory is different from that.

Am I lying? Am I wrong? Was I gaslit? Did I dream it? What if Blue is right? What if I’m a horrible person? What if I should die-

I’m so tired of it. So I have to go through, and dig back in, just like always, until my nails bleed from how hard I’m clinging to syscourse. And I’m trying to stop. Genuinely, firmly, I do not want to talk about this shit 24/7. I like aspects of it, but I’m tired.

Blue is not going to let it rest. More power to them — it’s obvious they need to get this out so that they can work on recovery. Good for them. I’m proud of them, genuinely, and I hope that their 100+ something page document helps them. It never helped me.

In the meantime, I need to talk about my trauma too. I need to get MY side out. That’s only fair.

This post isn't for syscourse. It isn't for drama. It isn't for spreading. Please leave us all alone. Let us get it out and then be done.

(Note: post has been edited to preserve someone’s privacy.)

The Problemaddtic Era

A year and a half ago (May 2023), a user by the name of Problemaddtic made a post. They had made several, many of which I found to be bad or in poor taste. This one took the cake though. That blog has since been terminated, by the internet is, of course, forever, as this drama unfortunately proves.

Here’s the post again. This time, with Dude of SAS fame’s rebuttal.

Problemaddtic posted this somewhat paranoia inducing post, which did trigger multiple people at that time. This post was posted to numerous tags, including endo safe tags. Many users spoke out about this, but primarily anti-endos. Many pro-endos didn’t bat an eye. I posted this.

Blue made the post unreblogable. Dude responded:

Upset about being called out, they started posting numerous things to the endo safe and pro-endo tags. The original post, if I remember correctly, was changed to feature an anatomical picture of a penis and balls, telling anti-endos to suck it. This meant anyone going to the post — or to public endo safe tags — would see it. I can’t find evidence of this, sadly; seems most syscoursers avoided reblogging that shit for obvious reasons. Here’s another example (with Dude’s response). Sophie warned people to block.

An anonymous pro-endo ask came to Dude about how Problemaddtic’s post was weaponizing their trauma. Dude once again offered his inbox as refuge and safety to vent. Here’s that post.

After this, problemaddtic retroactively added DNI banners to their posts. Here’s Dude and a mod on Sysboxes commenting on the box. Dude was calling out how the box did not protect problemaddtic from criticism, while the Sysboxes mod made fun of the box. Dude did not make fun of the box’s design directly, but rather, the purpose of the box.

Here’s another anon suggesting Problemaddtic is a troll, and Dude refuting that claim. Dude encouraged people not to judge all pro-endos by a single person’s actions.

Someone said that dude’s actions here were leaving a bad taste in their mouth. Here’s dude’s post in rebuttal, where he says he made fun of the DNI banner. I beg to differ, but sure, if Dude wants to say he did, crucify him for that if you really want to.

And finally, to cap off the Problemaddtic era: the Cock and Balls post that got a TW.

I’m not screenshotting it. It was genuinely quite triggering for many people. Hearing “that’s all your good for” in reference to sexual things? Way to echo what so many of our abusers have said. What Problemaddtic did was incredibly triggering for many users. Dude rightfully called them out for this.

Here’s someone who was hurt by the Problemaddtic post. Here’s someone who said it felt intentional.

Meanwhile, Dude’s posts at this time (beyond allowing anons to be heard) were comprised of cat pictures to cleanse the tags, and reblogs of positivity. After that last anon link, I cannot find reference to this drama again. Problemaddtic was terminated after many, many people reported the blog for the sexual content.

There was more at that time — I saw a few other posts about the drama that I skipped over from the tag, as well as knowledge that I went on an incredibly triggered ramble in a server I was part of warning people to avoid the tag. I don’t have access to that any longer so I can’t really share it.

Everyone moved on.

Blue-Bubonic Era

Sadly, I cannot seem to access an archive of Blue’s account. Trying to scroll back that far manually is not working, so I’m going to do what I can. Forgive me if I miss things, because tumblr's tag search is not the greatest.

Blue-Bubonic was revolving around the syscourse community for a little bit, reblogging SAS posts and generally staying mostly chill! I saw they were in syscourse, and I (somehow) immediately made the connection that this user was problemaddtic. This made me... incredibly uncomfortable. I just did my best to not engage much, as I really did not trust them not to explode as they had previously.

Apparently, I am one of the only individuals who knew who Blue was. Dude thought Blue was Elmani, actually, the "kill the anti-endo inside you" propaganda pusher. I hope Elmani's good wherever they ended up, it seems like they finally quit syscourse for good.

I believe Dude and Blue talked behind the scenes briefly. Dude had made the recent shift towards pro-endo. He was dealing with the aftermath of a catastrophic life changing event, one that he will always be dealing with the ramifications of, but which is still fresh. On my side of things, I was dealing with my first sessions of EMDR, chronic pink eye, multiple vacations (fun but stressful), and multiple traumaversaries on the horizon. We were all very, very tightly coiled, just doing our bests to stay calm and be gentle with ourselves.

On June 20th, Blue posted that they wanted to make a comprehensive document of why SophieinWonderland is "a shit person causing actual harm n hides behind the pro endo label when it comes to criticism regardless of which "side" is criticizing her."

Four days later, Blue posted that they had "Finished the draft, working on editing" and were "Thinking of letting some vet it before posting it publicly."

Discord Era

I can only speak about what I know.

Dude and me talk on Discord a lot. He shares things with me. For instance, that Sophie is a real breathing human person who has complimented me in private. Or that they talk, sometimes, way more than I would be brave enough to do (though knowing just snippets has made me actually able to respond to her again, and even reach out to her a bit. I'm happy to have more perspective now.)

He reached out to me, though, on June 26th, and said, "Want to take part in some Sophie drama?" And genuinely, I do want to see what's happening in terms of drama on tumblr. Especially since this took place after yet more insanely triggering posts from her. So I agreed.

Then Dude let me know he was adding me to a group chat with Blue and I said, "Oh boy. Alright." My heart sank. This was not going to end well.

It didn't!

Blue asked us to vet a document. I clicked into it and was immediately overwhelmed by the poor way the document was set up, the sheer amount of writing (the current iteration is 68k words), and the... lack of substance in that writing. I only looked briefly before immediately realizing just how triggering this would be for me. The last time I handled a long document like that, it was for the SN drama. It was when I was being accused of shit, callout posts that made me split a new part. I could not do this document or read more in that moment.

So I stopped, and said I would not be helping. I am not in the group chat any longer, but I do have the screenshots Blue took.

My point about callouts doing more harm: it would only lead to harassment, and it did. Not of Sophie, remarkably; I overestimated how much reach Blue's post would have. Instead, it led to Blue and Hal having all of Sophie's 2000 followers having their eyes on them. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right.

Sophie does make a lot of mistakes. A callout like this WAS exactly what she wanted, because it let her drag out the drama for Syscourse Points for over a month after it was posted. It let her attack "weak" (read: traumatizing) arguments for months, and really hurt my friend. The callout didn't help anything, just like I said it wouldn't.

I was too gentle about my last point. Keep my fucking friends out of your callout documents. Don't make callout documents at all. If you didn't experience, don't fucking talk about it, I'm tired of this shit. I have never once seen it end without the victims being hurt worse than they had been. I told myself it would be fine if you asked the victim for permission. Newsflash. It wasn't.

I didn't mention how fucking atrocious the points in the document were because, 1, I could barely remember after closing it, because my brain was actively trying to avoid Trigger Mode, and 2, because I didn't want to be too insulting to Blue. I mean, nobody likes hearing, "your formatting is shit, your points are largely nonsense, and for fucks sakes, it's spelled Syscourse, not SysCourse."

I did not want to be an asshole. So I politely and kindly dipped out, making my reservations known.

Blue did reach out to Hal, who gave permission for their blogs and past Sophiecourse Drama to be used in the document.

July 10th, Blue posted the Sophie document. A friend of mine (who I am keeping anonymous, since they seem to have mostly escaped this absolute bullshit) reached out to me and said: "We're going to make the call now: This will blow up in everyone's face and cause harm for everyone involved in the following days."

They were right.

I read through the entirety of the document over the following days. I do not remember most of it, particularly because the formatting is next to impossible for me to understand. It's simply too much. To (once again) quote my friend, "It felt like it was extremely bloated." I have to agree; much of this was trumped up or extended so long to make the document seem more intimidating, and by proxy, make Sophie seem worse. When people see 68k words, they shrug and say, "TL;DR Sophie is bad, got it." It's disingenuous.

I don't recall much also due to the fact that I am intensely triggered by this shit. Sophie is an insanely triggering topic for many people. Trying to read what she's done made me forget it all over again. I'm so tired of caring.

Anyways.

Sophie did what she does; she put Blue on blast for several months over several posts, ripping to shreds the document, triggering countless people.

Dude reached out to me and explained that he had promised a friend that, if this blew up, that he would "burn tumblr and sophie to the ground." And he couldn't. He fucking couldn't do that, because Sophie is a person, and he had just started to see that, and he was not ready to burn that bridge because of Blue's document.

So I took matters into my own hands. I called out Sophie's damage that she does. I called out that she's okay with it. I explained that Sophie is a person, as anyone else is, and that she is also Syscourse Incarnate. At the time, she was the most active syscourse blog, period, flat out. I also ripped into the document, because exactly what I was worried about was what happened.

Notably, in said post, Dude said he didn't blame the document author for any of this. I don't blame Blue either. The document did not cause Sophie to pull her triggering shit. Nobody is to blame for someone else’s actions. BUT FOR FUCKS SAKES. THE CALL TO ACTION ON THE POST WAS FOR PEOPLE TO BE FUCKING NICE TO EACH OTHER.

I predicted in that post that syscourse would get worse, and it did. I let people know that, if they stopped, they would be able to witness syscourse eat itself alive, and that's what happened.

Sigh.

I posted the post, and then posted my going away post. I was getting rid of my syscourse dedicated blogs, condensing, deleting, moving, archiving -- I WAS FUCKING DONE.

I also reached out to Blue to let them know I didn't blame them. They disregarded that and said my post was directly blaming them. I asked them to point out where I blamed them, and they said I "framed the situation" as blaming them. They blocked me, particularly it felt like because I wasn’t condemning Sophie enough. As if that would do anything at this point but feed her more attention.

I tried to leave! Blue brought me back, revealing I was a mod on SAS, which wasn't public information. They complained that I didn't mentally endanger myself to let them know why the document upset me so badly. Go figure, it was upsetting, so I didn't speak up.

I edited the original Blowing Up Syscourse Post to address Blue's post, which led to Dude later making a post that explained, "Wait, Blue-Bubonic wasn't the point of that post, THE POINT IS TO BE NICE AND STOP SYSCOURSING."

Nobody got the message.

Everyone continued to be assholes.

It got worse, just like I said it would.

Whatever The Fuck Era, Can We Move On?

Anyways, I was in the middle of moving at this point, with teaching suddenly being hell, EMDR falling through, suicidality spiking, relationship bumps, health scares -- genuinely, a lot of shit, none of which I owe you all. My therapist looked at me and told me I had to take time off work, because he didn't think I would survive until the end of the month. I looked him dead in the eyes and told him that if I took time off in October, it would lead to me killing myself.

That's where I've been these past few months.

Blue-Bubonic had some sort of drama with Noxsyscourse. I did not pay attention to most of it. I didn't want to pay attention to it. I just wanted to be left alone. I have so much more important shit than dealing with syscourse! I don't fucking stalk Blue's blog! I shouldn't have to write this shit!

But now we get to:

The Problemaddtic Plague

AKA, "The Plural Community Traumatized Us." That document Blue wrote strictly because Sophie is just such a monster that she needs to be deplatformed? Now includes me, nox, dude, sophie, I think Cambrian? I don't know, it's too many damn words for me to follow. I genuinely do not have the time to fucking reread the entire goddamn document. I cannot devote myself to someone else's blatant trauma spiral.

And yet, here I am, doing so, because I am at my limit.

Over the past few weeks, Blue has been having a very public meltdown on their blog about me and Dude's crimes. Primarily Dude, but the issues they have stem from my "Callout" of them. Reminder: I never once said their name in the original post. I did not focus on the callout, beyond saying it was poorly written. I only mentioned it as context for why Sophie's bullshit amped up.

I do not follow Blue, nor does Dude. Dude has been blocked for a very long time and does not look at Blue's blog. We were alerted to this by a very concerned friend. They wanted to warn me, October 23, that Blue was posting vitriol about Dude.

I'm not linking all of them here. These posts are very, very obviously a traumatized individual having a very public trauma spiral. They weren't tagged in main tags, and I can only thank God for that. However, I will address a few things from the 7 posts I can see about Dude.

My pronouns are They/Them. You repeatedly called me He/Him, and once They&, the latter of which can be incredibly triggering for my dissociation. Just... for future reference, for all those reading (which should not be Blue) -- I use They/Them.

Blue said they didn't WANT Dude to be nice, they NEEDED him to be nice. If you are this attached to an internet stranger for your emotional needs, then you are in desperate need of help. People online should not be your emotional crutch.

Blue did not "usher Dude into the pro-endo community." Blue welcomed him, along with hundreds of other people. Blue is not Dude's savior. They're a traumatized person, same as the rest of us, doing their best.

Nobody is weak for saying, "I'm too traumatized and fucked up to support this." Nobody is weak for saying, "The other side is a person too."

I did not publicly bash Blue. I never said their name. The document was bad in my eyes, but the post was not about Blue. It was about my friend, and the damage Sophie does, and the damage everyone in syscourse does, largely unintentionally -- though at this point, I have to think it's intentional.

Dude encouraged Blue to make the document which he told them he could not read, because he could not do it himself.

I do not "continue to bash Blue on SAS." I wrote a single post. One. Blue's the one who continues to bash us on their blog, writing post after post about me, when I have wanted nothing to do with them for months.

Someone can interact with a user who traumatized them, but still be too fucked up to work on a discourse filled triggering document. Those are two VERY different things.

Blue did post sexual content online. Blue DID post horrendous things. Dude did not get their blog terminated. They did that themselves, through their actions.

If years upon years of Dude fighting against Sophie and documenting her shit did not stop syscourse in its tracks to deplatform her, then Blue's document had no hope. To believe otherwise -- and furthermore, to blame Dude's lack of ability to work on a highly triggering thing on the document's failure -- is to be completely out of touch.

Anyways.

Me and Dude continued to ignore. We tried to keep Blue out of everything. We didn't want to draw attention to their public spiral. It was around this time, though, that I saw that the callout document was renamed, and that I was suddenly being listed as a traumatizer. Wonderful.

We still ignored it. Whatever, you know? People have spread lies about us since the day we became popular. Whatever. It's fine.

Nevermind that this is directly mimicking the trauma that Blue detailed about SN. Nevermind that this is exactly what happened before. Nevermind that we are trying to hold our tongues, just like last time, because we're trying to avoid once again retriggering a vulnerable person. Nevermind that we're both one step away from killing ourselves.

No, our feelings don't matter more than Blue's, clearly. And what does it matter, right? It's one person.

But then Blue decides to bring it up nearly a month later, in main tags, comparing Dude to Sophie, hurting everyone in the process. And then you started lying about what was happening, saying Dude still followed you.

Let's address that post briefly, actually.

The difference between Dude and Sophie's actions are that Sophie repeatedly brought it up to make fun of the trauma someone was experiencing, and to say that DNIs were pointless. Dude brought up Blue's DNI because it was added after Blue had already triggered half of syscourse, and Blue added it as some sort of shield for criticism. Dude was ignoring Blue's DNI because the DNI was being used in bad faith. Sophie was ignoring DNIs specifically to traumatize people (ahem, to "defend herself"). Those are not the same thing.

Blue did trigger CSA victims. That is not debatable; that is not something Blue can justify. "I only did it because I was triggered!" That's still not okay. That is still not justification.

Blue turned reblogs off on the post where they triggered anti-endos paranoia after it was already addressed and criticized. Blue then changed the post to have a cock and balls. This is bullshit.

"taking the piss outta the situation was all we had left." Reminder: "taking the piss outta the situation" was actually repeatedly tagging the public tags with things like "sucking my cock is all you're good for" and "sysmeds are just mad that im not dissociative," WHICH multiple people said triggered them.

"bc we were not traumagenic so its ok to dehumanize us." Nobody came after them because they weren't traumagenic. They came after Blue because Blue triggered them.

"mod dude doesnt have to take any accountability for their role in the whole thing because they r pro sys conversation now" They want the drama to be done. Blue kept insisting they draw attention to it.

And then a new blog formed calling Dude and me out in their pinned post, using Blue's document.

Snapping

Dude reached out to Blue via Discord. Everything finally came to a head, and Dude tried to get to the bottom of it, tried to understand what in the fuck was happening, tried to get Blue to understand what was happening.

Blue posted that Dude was trying to "silence them."

So.

Dude finally made a post. And spoke up. We weren't allowed to, last time this bullshit happened to us, so we finally are now, because for fucks sake, I don't want to die.

The post shows the discord conversation that Dude had with Blue. It isn't pretty. It's once again a traumatized person doing traumatized things.

Just like this post is.

Just like all of Blue's posts had been.

Just like all of this situation is.

Where's this leave us?

I don't know. It's Saturday. I have grades to do. I have a cold house with no heat. I have a partner to take care of, and hunger that needs fixing, and I'm so, so tired.

I'm actively suicidal. I'm trying to figure out how to stay alive long enough to marry my partner, if I still can.

But I also managed to update my fanfic last night. And I'm looking forward to seeing my kids rage about the end of the shitty ass novel we're reading. Maybe we can rage together. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving with my real family.

I'm trying to move past this.

I hope Blue can.

I hope Dude can.

I hope Nox, and Sophie, and everyone else in that shitty document or affected by this bullshit can.

And I hope those reading this can understand these things:

Callout documents are worthless beyond hurting people. That's all they do. Evidence: every callout document ever.

Drama like this shouldn't exist, but if it does, it should be private. Not broadcast to the tags on tumblr.

Everyone needs to leave us alone. Everyone involved needs to be able to be left alone.

If I catch any of my followers breathing a word in Blue's direction, you will be blocked. If I catch anyone in my inbox with a word about Blue, I will either be blocking you, or likely, I'll be too kind and send you a private message of "hey fuck you."

Please, just leave us alone.

[decomposingbratzdoll]

Felt cute (extreme paranoia) , might delete later💗

Sorry for hysteriaposting about politics i'm just really worried , i did feel a bit narcissistic(??) writing this because i feel like its only talking about myself while everyone else has much more important struggles going on right now but i just feel like i had to say something and i'm extremely tired and it's kind of scary posting this for me idk </3

I don't know how to start this because I never make any text posts but I'm kind of panicking and need to voice my concerns and worries because of Trump winning the election. I first of all need to say my heart goes out to everyone who voted for Kamala, especially women , POC and queer people and I hope you can all get by and survive the next 4 years. I’m not American. I'm Slovak and currently living in the UK but I am (or now was) planning on going back to Slovakia after finishing my education since I already have multiple support systems and family over there.But now with Trump as president i’m scared that i won’t be able to do that anymore because Trump wants to withdraw from NATO which was basically the only thing keeping Putin from invading more countries especially smaller ones like Slovakia and some of my relatives live in Michalovce which is very close to the Ukraine border and im worried that when Trump withdraws from NATO and stops America from giving msupport and aid to Ukraine it will let Putin invade Slovensko freely too. 

I’m just really worried for my relatives in Michalovce and everywhere else in Slovakia . 

I’m scared that in the next 4 years I won't be able to go back to Slovakia , I don't want it to turn into a warzone. And it just really angers me and upsets me even more because there is nothing I could have done to prevent this; i’m not in America so i can’t vote there but i did try to spread the word to get people to vote but still there was nothing i could have done i just had to watch and now i’m scared my relatives and friends in Slovakia will have to suffer because of something i or they have no control over.And i know nothing has happened yet and who knows if he actually will end up withdrawing from NATO but the fact that it could happen and result in Slovakia and other countries end up being invaded like Ukraine the next 4 years terrifies me so much.

I don't know though this is just me ranting without really thinking and im only fuelled by an intense build up of worry and extreme anxiety , i could just be horrifically paranoid and anxious , i just feel like i needed to say something but ill get back to drawing my silly little pictures on the internet , thank you for reading this if you did.💗

[deckerroosevelt]

Chapter 13, part 4

    It was nice finally being able to talk to Ambeth outside. She talked about her school days and I got to be involved in the conversations in the crime scenes. Not with the police though. They knew it was a paranormal case, I mean that’s why we were there, but we didn’t want to make them paranoid. Decker explained that people don’t want to know that there’s something they can’t notice. Of course it meant that I wouldn’t get credit for my ideas but at least my closest people knew to give me credit. I don’t feel so useless anymore. I can just walk to places which has turned out to be quite beneficial especially when a company that doesn’t want anyone to come inside is involved.

   I had gone twice or thrice to the Miracle company but I haven’t been able to locate Ms Miracle herself yet. It was like she never came to work. I shouldn’t have been so scared there as I was. We were sure that the creature wasn’t able to remember me. Otherwise it would’ve killed me there. The factory was still a bit spooky. Not like haunted spooky. But it was just wrong. I never saw anyone smile and everyone was like moulded from the same mould. There were a lot of sick “motivational” signs like “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” and “Be the best version of yourself and skip meals.” I know those are very toxic but they just penetrate into your mind. 

   I was completely in my thoughts walking to Ambeth’s school. I bumped into a few people  but of course it makes no difference if I just continue or apologise.

   “Loki! What a coincidence!” a familiar voice came from ahead. 

   “Mary! Is that you?” my mood brightens.

   “Yes. I moved a few weeks ago. My stuff is still here and there but I finally got my kitchen done so I was going to do groceries. How have you been?”

   I surface the case we’re having to her. “We’re a bit stuck with it. The Miracle company’s not cooperative and even if I could go there, we couldn’t even find Ms Miracle herself. One of us got badly injured during an attack and we still haven’t made progress.”

   “The Miracle? They have been big in the industry for such a long time. And I live quite near. I’ll keep my eyes open for you. Come to have dinner some day. And take your friends with you too!” she smiled warmly. 

   “Sundays are ‘off’ for us but it’s not really a job. It’s a hobby if you could say so. Do you have anything next Sunday? Some third party opinion would be appreciated.”

   “That’s set then! Now I’ll have to go plan the meal. See you then! I’ll text you my address”, she waved and walked in the opposite direction.

   Mine and Ambeth’s mood was tired. She didn’t talk much and it was fine with me. I wasn’t really in the mood to talk. We needed a search warrant to the company but we couldn’t prove any connections to them. I was desperately trying to think of a way to get there when I heard Ambeth’s stomach growl. 

   “You hungry?”

   “No. My stomach is applauding”, she smiled at me proudly. I didn’t process her words at first and just stared at her. I even stopped walking.

   “What did you say?”

   “Our teacher said that when our stomach is growling it’s applauding for our self control! I got the best grade with my weight”, she got a sudden burst of energy while explaining. “I’m quite tired though. And hungry. But I am a model student in P.E. class. I don’t even need to be athletic!”

   I didn’t know what to answer so I took Ambeth from her hand and walked home as quickly as I could. Decker had to hear this.

[crashingwavesinmyworld]

I’m not gonna act like I’m perfect and that I’ve never made mistakes or sometimes said hurtful things when upset (who hasn’t though) but I’m tired of being treated like the villain in a situation where I’m the victim and I’m tired of any way i try to defend myself or when I’m just trying to get answers is seen as me having a “BPD meltdown” or “lashing out.”

I have every right to be hurt and angry and sad but I think I’m handling it pretty well regardless??? And I wouldn’t need to constantly defend myself or speak about how hurt I am or any of that if this dickhead had just properly communicated with me in the first place or at the very least didn’t try to paint me as some dangerous crazy person for something that wasn’t my fault and like even if it hadn’t been about me fainting and was about me being depressed/suicidal, once again I was the only one hurting there no one else was getting hurt it doesn’t make me dangerous you ableist fucks and if it was such an issue why did he assure me everything was fine? He blatantly lied to me and so did his girlfriend and I don’t know at this point what was true and what isn’t true and it’s honestly disgusting that she thinks I’m the problem and has been using my BPD as a way to demonize me.

This was all because of her coward boyfriends inability to communicate like a mature adult. But I didn’t even fucking do anything I’ve been trying to move on. All that happened is last night after I finally had felt okay and strong enough to hang out in the food court which I haven’t been able to do cuz I feel like I’m being watched. But then after I came out of the bathroom his girlfriend was sitting outside, she didn’t see me right away and I wanted to say hi but I didn’t cuz of what she’d said a few weeks ago about him not wanting her talking to me and as dumb as it is I wanted to respect that, I went and sat away from her and went back to my music or whatever I was doing.

But then when she did see me she walked away without saying anything. That hurt a lot but what hurts worse is he eventually came out and saw me and walked past me too without saying something, and his girlfriend intentionally parked the car right by where I was sitting so I had to see him get in the car, I tried leaving after this I was gonna go to the grocery store but when I was walking there suddenly he was driving and he was stopped in front of me and he looked at me again and so I turned and went the other way but he ended up parking in a random parking spot by where I was walking and got out of the car for no reason seemingly just to make sure I saw him then when I kept walking he got back in like I feel like he was trying to torture me on purpose. Like who tf does this?

Maybe I’m being paranoid and I know they would deny doing this but it just all felt very intentional. I can’t believe I ever called these people my friends. No matter how many problems I have I wouldn’t have ever done something like this to them. Sometimes I wonder if this is karma for my past mistakes cuz I have said and done a lot of things I regret. I’ve always tried to make things right and apologize and correct my behavior but maybe to the universe that isn’t good enough.

But even then even though it’s not an excuse most things I’ve said or done that have been wrong usually happened when I was hurt first by whoever it was or I saw them treating someone else poorly and that doesn’t make it okay obviously and it’s not an excuse but im just saying I’m not a vindictive person or vicious person purposely out to get people or harm people.

Most of the examples I can think of were several years ago anyway before I even knew these people. And usually if anything I may say something bitchy or mean after being provoked or backed into a corner (usually to my mom more than anyone) but like these people are acting like I was a threat to their safety… I am not this dangerous crazy person they’re making me out to be.

I cared so deeply for them I would have done anything for them and it makes me sick that I could care so much for people that could just so easily hurt me then move on like it’s nothing. I think the differences between me and them is that if I say or do something wrong whether I realizes it at the time or realizes it later I always feel deep regret and always always apologize and try to make it right. Whereas they are blaming me and making it seem like my justified hurt is irrational. Well her and not him because he still hasn’t said a damn word to me. Coward. God just the thought of him makes me sick. I can’t believe I used to think he was the sweetest guy I’d ever met. And that I used to think he was the one guy to treat me with respect despite seeing me at my worst (about 6 years ago) and even recently before all of this he wasn’t treating me any differently everything was fucking fine that’s why I don’t fucking understand!!! And like the fact that he knows too how scared I was of getting hurt and losing people….asshole. He knows I felt so much pain which I was why I went to the hospital which he was so supportive and sweet about but now I’m in worse pain than I was then and he’s nowhere to be found. But that’s the thing I never needed or wanted emotional support from him. I just enjoyed talking to him about books and music. It’s all just so fucked and in sick of it all

[kikyan]

Hiya, hope you're having a lovely day^^

Haven't done one of these before, so I hope I don't mess up (And that my request is still valid in-terms of the event end date).

I'd like to request a yan. mash up for TWST & ObeyMe!

I'm 18, my pronouns are they/them, I'm a Cancer and INTJ. I'm a pretty anxious person. Having social anxiety, agoraphobia, being a homebody and just being an overall introvert, I tend to keep to myself and avoid going outside much. Im an over-thinker and a night owl. When I'm around people that I don't feel comfortable with, I'm very much a quiet, shy, jumpy, awkward, paranoid, tired lookin' loner. But when I get comfortable and l'm with close friends or family, I'm quite the opposite. I'm bold, sarcastic, and have a witty sense of humor, I’m a cocky little shit that likes to tease the hell outta people (obv because that's how I show love ^ ^) | can also be reckless at times given the right environment. But aside from that I’m a pretty chill person. I love to learn and indulge in other people’s interests. At times I can be extremely overconfident and daring yet insecure and cautious^^ im also really loyal to everyone I care about, I value community and trust, caring and supportive, the list goes on. As for some of my (debatably) negative traits, I can be quite blunt and straight forward (I don’t like sugar coating ), defensive if I’m proven wrong, I can occasionally be indifferent, passive aggressive, reclusive and aloof if I get pissed/sad (even if it’s for something small). I’ve been told i have rbf •_•). I like cleanliness and neatness, but I can also be somewhat messy when I procrastinate cleaning. Hobbies: I love drawing, I have a crap ton of sketchbooks that are filled with drawings front to back, and some that have never seen a pencil before ^^; (I have my fair share of twst and obey me fan art =w=). Reading, reading, and ReaDing! I’m a book worm^^ i mostly read horror, thrillers, and mystery novels. Also, I’m incredibly obsessed with gothic literature and poetry (I’m a bit of a writer myself). I live for horror! Movies, books, shows, etc. I specifically like psychological, cosmic, and gothic horror. Music wise, I listen to rock, metal, alternative, indie rock, post-punk, and new wave. Though I’ve recently been more into 80’s post-punk (as of right now my fav band is Caifanes, definitely recommend them). Style: I don’t usually care much for the way that I look, i prefer comfort over style most of the time. I usually ware black, anime t-shirts, baggy jeans, leather jackets or oversized hoodies, and my go-to converse or docs. I dunno what else to include, so I guess I’ll talk about what kind of person I like. I like it when people can be honest and voice their feelings, concerns, wants and needs. I definitely appreciate a proper and mature way of communicating. My receiving and giving love language is quality time and physical affection, so having someone who loves to receive and give both is an immediate green flag in my book. I personally like clingier personalities to a healthy degree, I swear ^^; I definitely love people who are openly lovey and romantic, I find it adorable, especially cause I’d do the same right back. A person who loves to try new things, and who loves spicy food (cuz being a picky eater,,, that’s a deal breaker). I like someone who shares my same hobbies and is just as ambitious as me. And if not, that they at least support and encourage me to do what I like. Personality wise, I like a person who is soft and caring, romantic, honest, noble, creative, humble, cautious, a night owl (so that me can both stay up late into the night) someone more mentally stable then me (that or just as mentally unstable as me =^=) and lastly someone who would also indulge in my hobbies with me. I hope I added enough of the right things for this request and that it’s not confusing >x< it’s long I know. Anyways, thank you so much for your work, I love everything you write, hope to see more of it. Take care love ^,^)/♡

I have no words to explain why this took months. I don't know, but better late than never. . .right? You probably heard this before and it won't come as a surprise but I match you with Idia (TWST) and Levi (OM!)! 

When it comes to what I gathered from your personality, you probably relate to them more instead of simping but I see you with them! Side note, I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND OMG YOU SOUND SO COOL?? I ALSO WANT TO SEE THE ART PLS! PLS LET'S BE FRIENDS! 

Moving forward...I see how they would both love you. You love their hobbies but understand them like nobody else. With Idia, his love for you starts when you start to open up about your hobbies. He probably starts to think about you but not in the best way at first. When he notices you like the same things but he probably wouldn't see them as a reason to get closer. He may find it as an excuse to not approach you because he's not sure if you're a casual fan or a fan-fan. Would you be disgusted with him? Find him as one of those cringe fans who bring the fandom down. Are you a casual enjoyer who wouldn't understand his passion? Though he would love to share his passion, would you look down upon him like everyone else? I'm not quite sure if I included this in my headcanons, but Idia is an observer. Which I think makes him open up to you because he can see the real you. I want to say that if we follow the story of the game, you probably don't meet Idia until after you established some friends with Ace and Deuce. He probably has some image of you already established, no doubt you're very social. When you mentioned how you were someone very shy and quiet when first meeting someone, you probably do it to be nice or at the very least, respectful. He probably sees that side of you at first and doesn't think much of it. He probably thinks that his likes and dislikes would scare you away until he overhears maybe Deuce or Ace talk, "You like that? I never would have expected you to like that, [Reader]?" That's when he gains a little boost, you like the same thing he does. Not to mention you're a shy thing, so no harm in at least trying. I think once he finally does talk to you, he can see all the unique things about you as well as how similar you both are. Idia is the same, spoilers for the phantom bride card but he hated the whole ordeal. In his vignette, the rest of the students hyped him up so much that he kinda got overconfident making everyone regret saying anything. He didn't do it to be a bitch, but rather he said it because he was comfortable around the others. Who wouldn't? So he would return that sarcastic humor. He would probably love teasing the hell out of you. Stay up all night gaming with you, exchanging messages left and right, etc. I can already imagine the list of recommendations that both of you exchange. He would love seeing your art and hype you up, maybe even propose writing a story together. Of course, this is yandere so what is yandere without the horror aspect? Idia wouldn't exactly show you off but he would be so content with calling you, his. His friend, his S/O, his partner, his gaming buddy, etc. He's not like Leona who would strut into the room with his arm around your shoulder, but he would love it when you say, "Oh yeah, sorry I can't tonight. I'm hanging out with MY partner tonight." Of course, don't tell the others it's him because right now he can't handle that feeling! He would love spending quality time, he's not at all picky with what is being done as long as it's with you. Watching anime together? Done deal. He's gaming and you're working on something else across from him? God imagine he looking up to see you so focused, he just smiles lightly at the idea of you spending time with him and then you look up and see him. His face is BEAT RED, stuttering and looking back at his PC while his headphones have his online friends yelling at him to pay attention and to assist them. He's clingy to a not-so-healthy degree and will often set up scenarios to gain pity so you have to cancel and hang with him. I want to say that while his heart cannot handle the affection IRL he would love the idea of holding your hand and cuddling against you. Imagine he's pouting because he maybe received the worst news, but you're there to comfort him? His world is perfect if your attention and affection remain on just him and him only. 

Okiedoki, now Levi. They're the same but so different.  As I started to play Obey me again and literally from the beginning, I love their family dynamic. Though they all love each other, they're not afraid to tell each other their faults either. I think with Levi it's no surprise that he sees himself as inferior to his siblings. I mean Mammon is scummy but he's a model. Asmo has a vlog and is well-loved even if it gets to his head. Satan is hella studious and has a temper, Belphie is just there and Beel; he has a good heart but his stomach knows no bounds. No need to point out Lucifer, he's polished and pristine, with no flaws that he can vocalize without being strung upside down.

I mean why would you want to be with him? Like Idia, when he finds out you like the same content he does he's probably on the skeptical side as well. I mean, really? Do you like that? When he finally does talk to you about it, he wants to prioritize your time. "[Reader], did you want to-? Oh sorry, you probably already have plans huh?" It's no doubt he assumes you rather want to do anything else other than be with him. When you take him up on his offer, he's so overcome with joy. A blush on his face as he excitedly takes your hand rushing to his room to do the equivalent of setting up the table but rather dinner, setting up an anime marathon. He is smitten with you, another one with a not-so-healthy clingier personality. Another one who just wants to spend time with you, it doesn't have to be anything specific either. I think as time goes on he can become confident too, sometimes even challenging you, He becomes sarcastic, occasionally laughing at memes and sending them to you with a simple "reminded me of you". I think the biggest thing is that Levi could be 100% honest with you. At first, he may not want to voice his feelings, but when you reassure him, he just lets it all out. Though Levi may not love horror himself, he loves your style and appreciates your passion as well. He thinks you're so cool and to be able to stand next to you, gosh you have ways of getting to him. He would proudly march his ass to a movie theater to watch the scariest film as long as he can hold your hand during the entire movie. Let's talk about yanderes, he's the same with Idia where he would 100% say something that forces you to drop what you're doing to spend time with him. Another is, I like to think Levi has been on some sketchy websites, spreading rumors about people who approach you. When those rumors as well as "proof" start circling, you should stay away from them. I stand by the idea that the brother would help one another to keep their S/O trapped. Levi may ask of Asmo's services when digging up gossip and possibly Belphie's to stalk the victim in their sleep and torture them from the inside. While all this happens, Levi will continue to play the role of the perfect boyfriend. 

I hope you enjoyed your matchup!! Thank you for your continuous support, have a wonderful day!

[mistydeyes]

Hey I was hoping I could get a cod pairing? Sorry I haven’t done this before.

Umm as for appearance I am 5’4” I have layered curly brown hair that comes to just above my shoulder, blue eyes, freckles pale as hell, a few scars here and there that I’m kinda proud of (from various causes) I don’t really have a specific style it can range from a tank top and sweats to t-shirt and jeans or something completely wild, color coded decked out in jewelry, skirts, layers the whole bit. Relatively active build, used to be a gymnast until an injury now I just workout twice a week w a friend. Interests; I like movies top five rn probably Scream (1996), Spiderverse, 10 things I hate about you, the last unicorn, Dead poets society, +Star Wars cause I can’t leave it out. I like playing chess every now and then, I’d say I’m pretty good but I still have a ways to go. I’m also an artist, and I like music I can’t do anything music related I just like listening to it, all kinds. I like baking when I’m stressed, typically cookies during finals week at 2 am. My future prospects, or at least what they are currently, is just going to law school, after that I’m not really sure, I’ve thought ab going the military route, both of my parents served/are serving, so I’ve thought ab the possibility of being a military JAG or something in Intel, but I’m still feeling for it, I mostly like law cause I’m pretty good at it and I like knowing more than people. I’m Bi so my taste in Men/Women varies. As much as I’d like to say I don’t have a type, hot people are hot, there have been patterns in the past few fictional guys. Tbh my taste in men is shit, like I don’t have daddy issues, I have a great relationship with him, but my past fictional crushes say other wise. But basically, capability is HOT, if they’re good at something to the point of mastering it I’m entranced. Women are just pretty, there’s not much there. I’m relatively paranoid, even describing myself like this online is strange, I think it’s just growing up around military but I’m typically just cautious. That and trust issues. I’ve done some martial arts/self defense and I think sparring is really fun I just need someone to teach me. Also I am a huge simp (with shit taste as my friends say) I’m an ambiavert, so I like to be pretty adaptable depending on who I’m around. I’m also German/American but more American than anything else, I ‘grew up’ in south Germany and we still have family there but since we moved here I’ve forgotten most of it. JFC in hindsight I am SO SORRY about all this I got carried away. I hope it didn’t come across as self absorbed 😅😭 sorry again

thanks

John Price

a/n omg at one point of time i thought of going to law school instead of pharmacy so this was so interesting to see what could've been lol

How you met: Civilian as of rn ;) Here you stood, a second year of law school done and accepted into the US Army Judge Advocate General's Corps. Or I guess I should say, here you were physically but not mentally. When you applied from your cozy apartment, you hadn't expected the internship program to be such a challenge. But here you were in your second choice location of Washington DC (curse whoever got the Germany placement). It was your second day and you were already tired from the 6am wakeup time followed by whatever your trainer saw fit. Today was a grueling 4-mile run. Needless to say, you were exhausted by the time you entered the Military Justice office. As you entered, your attorney joked, "you look like hell." You rolled your eyes and tried to smooth out your hair. "Here take a break and make some copies for us," as he handed you a pile of papers. You looked and saw they were drafts for an attorney's prosecution memoranda. You left to make your way to the copier when you bumped head first into something. As you looked up, you realized it was a someone. Somehow this man had miraculously caught all your papers. "Sorry love, perhaps you could tell me where I would find a General Shepherd's office?" he asked in an enchanting, deep accent. You could feel the air fill with cigar smoke with each word. You silently pointed in the direction of the office and the man went on his way. "It gets easier, soldier, someday you'll be an officer," he called out and you smiled as you got up from the floor.

A peek into your relationship: This was the big day, your graduation from law school. Your time during your internship had paid off, many officers impressed by your ability to keep up with the trainings and your eloquent legal drafts. You sat in your seat nervously and twirled a loose curl as they prepared to call your name. Finally, it was time. As you walked on stage and prepared to get your hood, you could instantly hear your boyfriend cheering you on loudly. "That's my girl!" he shouted and you gave him a kiss from the stage, finally a lawyer. When the ceremony had finished, Price was the first one to greet you. He had dressed in a suit for the occasion but this didn't deter him from picking you up and spinning you around. "I'm so proud of you," he said before planting a soft kiss on your lips.