#I’m tired and I don’t have time for tagging a bajillion tags

[puppiesandnightlock]

LINK: Goodbye Was Not Our End

chpt summary: after five years, the boys reunite.

“I have nothing to wear!” Jon stared at his closet, unsatisfactory outfits littered around the room.

Friday had finally come, and Jon was sure he couldn't have been the only one agonizing over this, Damian had always taken care of his appearance as a teen in public. 

“Daddy?” a little head of mussed black curls peeked into his room. 

Ah, dammit.

“Good morning, Laurel!” He called cheerfully to his daughter, the both of them still in their pajamas. He decided to leave his clothing for later, a quick call to Kathy would most likely solve his fashion problems.

He scooped her up, nuzzling her nose with his as she giggled. “How are you on this fine morning, princess?”

“Good!” He carried her to her room, walls painted a light green with flower blossom stickers decorating it. He set her back down on the little wooden toddler bed, speaking.

“What are we feelin’ today? Overalls okay?”

She nodded. “Pink.”

He pulled a pink shirt off a hanger and folded it neatly, leaving her to get dressed by herself per her request.

Nutella was spread across two pieces of bread, Jon slicing strawberries and bananas to set on top.

He pulled a small lunchbox from the fridge and set it next to the little backpack. Laurel came out of her room, fully dressed and a pair of red converse in hand. Jon swept her curls into two small ponytails as she ate the toast, leaving half of it down. 

He tied her shoelaces and ran to get dressed himself, making a mental note to change before lunch.

 He skipped his morning college lecture, asking for the notes from an acquaintance, and heading straight for the Daily Planet. He had managed to secure a temporary job as a remote journalist until he completed his masters and got his credentials, luckily allowing him to work from home most days.

Despite that, Jon often made his way into the office after he’d finished an article, preferring to pick up his next assignment in person then over email.

It was now an hour before his scheduled lunch, and he was a nervous wreck, even after following Kathy’s fashion advice. 

What could he say that wouldn’t make him sound stupid? Does he talk about Laurel? Should he apologize for five years ago? Would they see each other again or was this just…closure?

If it was only closure…he hoped he was able to let go.

Only one way to find out, he supposed, locking his door and going to his parking spot, unlocking his car and setting the course for the little cafe they were to meet up in.

Damian was panicking.

He’d pulled over several times to shove his head between his legs and breathe deeply, humming to himself to calm down. There was a part of him that sneered, screaming out “Pathetic.” at his nerves.

Now, he was entering Metropolis, following the directions on the screen. Too late to chicken out now. He looked at himself as he hit a red light, outfit chosen with careful consideration and Skylar, Steph, Duke, and Maya’s approval. A touch of eyeliner was applied per Akira’s instruction, drawing attention to his deep green eyes, and a dangling gold cuff in his left ear. His right ear had a gold stud and small loop.

He tapped a finger impatiently on the wheel, deep green sleeves of the oversized open sweater he was wearing coming over his hands.

He pulled into the lot, checking the time. He was a few minutes early, and he tugged at the black turtleneck under his sweater, feeling heated all of a sudden. It felt like something had taken him over, drumming energy into his body.

A DM popped up and he fumbled with his phone, nearly dropping it. He took a deep breath before opening his car door, locking it and shoving his phone into the deep pocket of his jacket.

His black combat boots clicked against the pavement as he scanned the cafe in front of him, knowing that despite the years between them, he’d always be able to recognize the boy who haunted his dreams. 

A head of black curls came into his vision and desperation filled him, urging him to go forwards.

 “JON!” He called out. 

Time seemed to slow as he turned, Damian coming to a halt as he met the eyes he’d so missed.

“Damian?” Jon’s face broke into a grin, the blinding smile that was so genuine, it brought him back to high school when he would have done anything to see it appear.

He was taller now, still more then him, and his curls were cut short, styled fashionably. His freckles were still prominent, the glasses he’d carried up into their senior year traded for contact lenses.

Damian’s heart was caught in his throat, palms beginning to gather sweat. His pulse was running wild and he knew he must have looked like an idiot, standing there and staring at his childhood ex-best friend like he was an alien.

Jon didn’t seem to mind, running up to him. It was only then when he snapped out of it, magnetically drawn to the taller boy, letting himself be enveloped in Jon’s arms.

The warmth lulled him, flutters of familiarity and something so right flooding through him. He wanted to laugh and cry and scream all at once, run five laps but stay in his embrace.

He let his arms tighten around the other and kept them both in a firm hug, shutting his eyes before hearing a clearing of the throat.

He let go and stepped back immediately, embarrassment flooding his cheeks. He tugged on the collar of his turtleneck again and looked up ( looked up!! ) at Jon, cooling relief as he noticed the same embarrassment on his face.

“Jon.” He dipped his head in greeting, smile playing on his lips.

“Damian.” Jon responded in kind, grinning all the while. They sat down, the reunion euphoria settling and slowly turning the atmosphere into an uncomfortable silence.

They studied each other, watching for things that had become different during their time apart.

Jon noted the earrings, more bold from the simple gold studs Damian had worn, the only pair he’d owned back in high school. There were two more piercings, and his hair had grown longer, strands of it falling in his face. His eyes were still the same but held a haunting air, speaking of unspeakable things in the past.

It twisted in his heart and he looked down, noting the boots and generally stylish outfit. It was good to see that in that aspect he hadn’t changed much. Even not having much growing up, Damian had always managed to piece something together that made him look gorgeous.

“So…” Jon coughed. “How’ve you been?”

Damian seemed surprised, but he overcame it quickly. “Fine. You?”

“Fine too.”

The silence trailed off. 

“Timothy has told me Kon is doing well.”

Jon brightened, here was something he could talk about. “He is! His fashion line thing is taking off quicker than any of us had expected, and he’s kinda just goin’ around on the internet and stuff, you know? How’ve your siblings been?”

“They’ve been doing fairly well. Cassandra has become a talented dancer, and Tim has started his technology company. It’s doing pretty well, and Steph just entered pre-med school.”

“Jason helped out a colleague of mine in her singing, as well as his own music channel. He’s been cast as lead in the musical his school is putting on. Duke has been publishing poetry and is finishing up his degree, Dick is well, ten, but has shown a strong interest in music himself. And I’m not too bad off myself, what with ROBIN and all that.”

“I know!” Jon blurted out, Damian raising an eyebrow. He flushed pink and stumbled, backtracking.

“I-i don’t know if you remember, but i uh, i was a big fan of yours when you’d first started up. O-of course i didn’t know it was you at time but ah-”

Damian laughed, the quiet noise of joy ringing in Jon’s ears, a beautifully familiar song.

“I remember. I’m surprised you still stuck with him all this time, huh?” he grinned for a split second, fading quickly.

“Have you found your happy ending yet?” The question was a silent murmur, near inaudible.

Jon was brought back to that day, so blissfully unaware of how soon after their bond would break. 

“No.” He said finally. “I haven’t reached it yet. I thought I had, for a bit. But no.”

Haisley’s gone, then.

“What about you?” 

Damian quickly shook his head. “Not even close.” 

I could never, not without you.

“It’s nice to hear you’re doing well. I ever thought we’d get this chance again.” 

Jon smiled softly. “I’m glad we did, Damian.”

They stuck around for another hour or two, chattering about mindless things and catching each other up on their lives. Their last argument, nor the ROBIN stream or Laurel came up in the conversation. 

It would be best to save that for a different time, they supposed.

Damian checked his watch, noting the time. “It’s getting late, I’m sure you have places to be.” 

They both stood, facing each other and unsure of what to do next. Their initial hug had been something long overdue, and not at all thought out. However, the air of awkwardness returned, and they simply stood staring at each other, unsure of how to proceed. 

A dance of attempted hugs, handshakes and fistbumps occurred, before they eventually paused, holding a gaze for a few seconds before collapsing into laughter. 

Damian bumped him with his shoulder gently, offering a smile. Jon pulled him into a quick side hug, and when they parted, he smiled.

“I really am happy we could meet again. If you want we could do this again sometime?” The hopeful look in his eyes, filled with a strange hue of innocence sparked something inside of Damian, causing him to mirror the expression and nod.

“Of course, J.” The familiar nickname flowed off his tongue out of what he thought was a long forgotten habit.

The slip made Jon’s whole being light up, although Damian himself winced. “See you later, then? Just message me and we can sort out a day.”

He began trotting backwards, tapping his phone. The shorter man laughed a bit as he watched him leave, a gentle pang in his chest reminding him of all the things he’d so missed.

They had yet to have the conversion about the past, and both figured it could wait a bit, after all, they had just gotten each other back. Each wanted to bask in it, if only for a little while.

Damian collapsed on their couch moments after entering their house, keys still in one hand.

“How did it go?” Duke called from his room.

“Fine!” he called back.

Ugh. He realized with devastating pain. He’s still cute.

This is fine. It would be fine. After all, it was just a normal observation, it wasn’t an immediate crush, it was a stated fact about someone’s appearance. 

It's not like this would activate any lingering feelings or make him fall in love again, right?

…right?

[mazzystar24]

Making it into its own post because people can’t see it as much as a reblog:

If y’all wanna complain (admittedly in a FAIR amount of cases justifiably complain) about toxic buddie stans from twitter or instagram

I want to give y’all three guesses on where the best place to do that is-

If you guessed tumblr EHHHHH ❌you’re wrong

Listen I get having a rant over here but speaking as if the tumblr fans are all the same people as the twitter fans is just incorrect, if you wanna argue or call people out do it to the people actually doing the stuff

The majority of people on tumblr are on it cos we hate the other apps and their fandoms, which also means half the time we don’t even have any clue what you’re talking about and have to go investigate from seeing a flood of hate on the buddie tag (which I’ve made a bajillion posts about people misusing tags so I’m sick and tired of that as a whole other issue)

[iam93percentstardust]

A very happy birthday month to you! I’m a fan of your Stony fics. If you’re still taking prompts, could you do one with a Las Vegas backdrop? Maybe Steve’s first time there with Tony for some reason? I was supposed to have my first trip there ever but Covid cancelled it. Maybe at least they can have a happy ending there. 🙂

Thank you! I’m glad you’re enjoying the Stony fics!

So sorry your Las Vegas trip was cancelled, that’s really awful. I sort of went to Vegas once (it was a layover in the airport). The only thing I remember about the whole thing was the 5 bajillion slot machines in the airport terminals

Since I know so little about Vegas, I ended up going with the getting married in Vegas trope instead of something about the casinos. I also hope you don’t mind that I used this for my bingo square, but I saw the happy ending part in your ask and got inspired for my happily ever after square (details below the cut)

Here’s to Las Vegas

The day after Steve gets married, he wakes up in a Las Vegas hotel with a ring on his finger and Tony Stark snuggled up beside him.

Most days, Steve wakes up the second his alarm goes off, alert and ready for his run. This day, however, he drifts into wakefulness slowly, comfortably lying on his back. He’s warm and there’s a heavy weight on his stomach and chest, pressing him down into sheets that feel so much nicer on his bare skin than the ones he has at home. That’s the second thing he notices: he’s not wearing any clothes, not even the boxer-briefs he normally wears in lieu of pajamas. And the third thing he notices is that there’s something soft tickling his chin.

He slowly blinks his eyes open. He’s somewhere with high vaulted ceilings and an expensive-looking chandelier, which means it’s not Tony’s place (he thinks chandeliers are tacky) and it’s definitely not Steve’s (he can’t afford a chandelier). Whatever it is on his chest shifts and Steve looks down. Tony is draped across him, the top of his head tucked under Steve’s chin, their arms and legs tangled together. He’s breathing deep and even, still asleep even though sunlight is pouring through the window.

Steve smiles at the sight and raises his head enough to kiss Tony’s curls. He doesn’t often get to wake up with Tony. Steve lives in Brooklyn and Tony lives in Manhattan and they’re both so busy—Tony with SI’s R&D and Steve with his teaching—that they decided early on in their relationship that spending every single night together was a bad idea because one of them would always end up late to work. So this makes for a nice change.

Tony stirs, inhaling deeply. Steve brings his hand up to stroke over Tony’s hair, the way he likes it when they both have a rare day when neither of them have to be anywhere so they can spend the night. That’s when he sees it.

The ring.

The one that’s sitting on the ring finger of his left hand, exactly where it should be—except he’s not supposed to be wearing it for another week.

In the sleepy haze of waking up, he’d forgotten what they’d done last night but the memories are filtering in. Flashes of Tony excitedly talking him into finding a chapel and wrangling a couple witnesses from off the street and filing the marriage license a whole week early because both of them were more than tired of the wedding planning, the swell of emotions he’d felt at hearing Tony declared his husband and sweeping Tony off his feet and back to their hotel, kissing the whole way and probably scandalizing their Uber driver.

He groans and tips his head back against the pillows. Tony makes a low sound and yawns widely before slowly opening his eyes. He looks a little like an adorable kitten and Steve can’t resist kissing the top of his head again.

“Wuzzgoinon?” Tony mumbles sleepily.

“What’s going on,” Steve says, “is that your mother is going to kill us. No, she’s going to kill me, because you’re her darling angel who can do no wrong and she’s never once thought I’m good enough for you.”

“No, you’re better,” Tony says around another yawn. “Why is my mama going to kill you?”

Steve picks up Tony’s left hand and waves it in front of his face. Tony goes cross-eyed trying to make out what’s different about his hand. “Oh,” he says eventually and lays his head back down on Steve’s chest.

“Oh?” Steve asks. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

“If Mama didn’t want us to elope, she shouldn’t have sent us to Vegas by ourselves to pick up the rings,” Tony says, as though he’s pointing out something reasonable, even though this is the most absurd thing that’s ever happened in Steve’s entire life—and his best friends are Bucky and Sam. Those two are the very definition of absurd. “Everyone knows what happens in Vegas.”

“This is your fault,” Steve informs him. “If you hadn’t insisted on this particular jeweler—”

“Hmm maybe I was planning this,” Tony hums, closing his eyes again.

And that’s… that’s actually entirely possible. Ever since they got engaged, Tony has been complaining about the big white wedding Mrs. Stark wants them to have and threatening to steal Steve away to the courthouse to elope. Steve had thought he’d calmed down about the whole affair after Mrs. Stark’s tearful outburst about her just wanting her baby to have the perfect wedding (Tony is nothing if not his mama’s boy), but maybe he’d been planning on this instead. He had thought it odd when Tony had insisted on a small-name jeweler in Las Vegas who wouldn’t ship to New York, thereby forcing them to travel to pick up the rings, but if Tony had been planning this all along…

“Did you?” he asks before he can stop himself.

Tony stares up at him for a long moment, blinking. Then he dryly says, “Yes, Steve. I, who has never made a decision that wasn’t impulsive even once in my entire life, somehow managed to both plan out a trip to Vegas to get married and keep it a secret from the love of my life who knows everything I’m thinking before even I know it.”

“Well, when you put it like that,” Steve says, grinning at him. What they’ve just done hits him and he laughs giddily. He sits up, pulling Tony up with him to give him a closed-mouthed good morning kiss. “We’re married.”

Tony smiles happily and kisses him again. “Yeah, we are. Good morning, Mr. Stark-Rogers.”

He likes the sound of that. He really likes the sound of that. Another kiss. “What are we going to tell everyone?” he asks.

“Hmm. How about we got so caught up in the thrill of picking up the rings that we abandoned all reason and got married here? It’s not like the big white wedding my mama wants even really matters in the grand scheme of things. It’s the marriage license that counts.”

“She’s still going to want it.”

“Undoubtedly. And we’ll give it to her. But this is nice, isn’t it?” Tony peers up at him anxiously. “No fuss, no caterers with ten different meal plans for all the restrictions, no Great-Auntie Mildred who shouts for the minister to speak louder. No stress at all.”

Steve leans back against the headboard, thinking about it. Tony’s right. They dealt with a lot less stress by getting married this way. But it isn’t just Great-Auntie Mildred that they left behind, it’s their friends too. It’s hard to know how he feels about that.

But then he starts thinking about the wedding picture the photographer had handed them before they left the chapel last night. Steve had tucked it into his wallet for safekeeping, and he reaches over to the bedside table to grab it, pulling the photo out so he can look at it. It’s a picture of their kiss. They’re holding onto each other so tight he’s not sure a piece of paper would fit between them, smiling so broadly that it’s barely a kiss at all. And he thinks about the engagement pictures Mrs. Stark had sent out in the announcement and wedding invitations: poised and perfect and not a smile to be seen anywhere.

“Yeah,” he says eventually, pulling Tony against his chest. Tony snuggles in, warm and beautiful and all Steve’s. “This was pretty damn perfect.”

Tony sighs contentedly and presses a kiss right over Steve’s heart. “Good.”

“But your mother’s still going to kill me.”

“We just won’t tell her,” Tony replies dismissively. “We’ll get married again and we won’t have to worry about the wedding because we’ll know we’re already married.”

“She’s going to notice the rings.”

“Not if we spend the whole week here.”

Steve stills. He hadn’t thought of that. It would solve a lot of problems, not least that Mrs. Stark would finally have free reign to do whatever she wanted with the wedding without any input from either of them. She was doing anyway, but at least now, they don’t have to hear about how their small family affair has turned into the society event of the year.

Tony continues in a wheedling voice, “Call out all our friends, treat it like an extended bachelor party—or our first honeymoon, take your pick.”

Steve stops him right there with another kiss, lingering this time. “And what are we going to do on our first honeymoon?”

“Blow all our money on slot machines. Count cards at the poker table. Go see some really truly ridiculous shows,” Tony says with a shrug. “What everyone does when they’re in Vegas.”

“Hmm somehow I don’t think counting cards is what everyone does.”

“I suppose everyone didn’t grow up with Ana Jarvis,” Tony muses. Steve laughs because it’s true. Howard might think that Tony is a troublemaker all on his own, but everyone knows that Tony learned it from the best.

He’s distracted out of his thoughts by Tony picking up his hand and gently kissing his wedding ring. “It’s the first day of the rest of our lives, darling,” Tony murmurs. “We can do whatever we want.”

Details for @tonystarkbingo

Title of Fill: Here's to Las Vegas Collaborator: iam93percentstardust Card Number: 4012 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676711 Square Filled: A3 - Free Square Ship/Main Pairing: Stevetony Rating: T Major Tags/Warnings/Triggers: Established Relationship, Fluff, Marriage Summary: The day after Steve gets married, he wakes up in a Las Vegas hotel with a ring on his finger and Tony Stark snuggled up beside him. Word Count: 1558

[thetragicallynerdy]

Getting To Know You Meme!

Rules: tag a few people you want to know better; make a new post, don't reblog!

Tagged by @eldritchjackalope - thanks for the tag, pal!!

~

Favourite Colour:

Deep red (merlot), or some shade of blue-green. Or deep green. I have many favourite colours!

Currently reading:

She Who Became The Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan (absolutely stellar), Anxious People by Fredrik Backman (sadder than I expected it would be so far), and A Natural History of Transition by Callum Angus (just started this one, so far it’s very good). 

Last song:

Found by Jacob Banks. It’s on my witch au playlist, and I have been playing it (and a few others) all the time lately. It’s so good.

Last movie:

The Princess Bride! It’s one of my absolute faves, and I hadn’t watched it in a long time. And I watched it in one go, which makes it the first full-length movie I’ve made it through in one sitting in 3 years, which is kind of amazing to me!!

Last series:

I’m guessing this means TV series - in which case, Leverage. I’m currently on the 5th season, which is fantastic so far.

Sweet, spicy or savoury: Both! I tend to go for savoury when I’m snacking, but have a pretty big sweet tooth too.

Coffee or tea:

Both! I tend to drink more tea, because it’s easier than making french-press coffee, but I very much enjoy both.

Three ships:

The Ever Given, the Bluenose, and the Titanic.

Okay, but in all seriousness (and trying to go from different fandoms for funsies):

Aly / Clayton / Matthew, from UnDeadwood. Or any combination of the three, really. 

Arthur / Eames, from Inception. This is one of my long time absolute favourite ships.

Gideon/Harrow, from The Locked Tomb quartet. I don’t really read fanfic for this fandom, but by god do I ship them so hard.

First ever ship:

Oh boy. I legitimately can’t remember what the first ever one was, because that was around 17-18 years ago, and timelines are a bit fuzzy. 

However, Ban/Ginji from The Get Backers was a big ship of mine around that time, so lets go with that.

Currently working on:

Too many things!!

Fanfic wise, the current list of “actively working on it” is: 

the witch clayton au

the nemesis au

the ps i love you au

the jaws that bite the claws that catch

but don’t you shake alone

I’m also working on a lot of art lately, and am consistently working on several DnD campaigns that I DM for. I’m also (very slowly, sorry to the pal that will receive it) working on a physical mail ttrpg that I’m doing with a friend.

Favourite piece of clothing:

Currently, a few t-shirts I have: my fat bear week King Otis shirt, my shark tshirt, my Reading Rainbow t-shirt.

Of the not t-shirt variety, my white hat with the red flowers on it, and my Iron Ranger boots.

Comfort food:

Baked goods - muffins, sweet breads, toast, that sort of thing. I like baking when I’m stressed. Also grilled cheese and tomato soup.

Favourite time of the year:

Fall!! I love fall. The colours, the cooling weather, the comfy sweaters I get to wear - all very good.

Fave fanfic:

Oh gosh. That’s a tough one. Probably my fav fanfic of all time, that I’ve read a billion times over, is:

Blake’s Corollary by Pagination

There’s also like, a bajillion UnDeadwood fics that I love with my whole heart:

LoveWithAGirl’s when everything was broken/the devil hit his second stride

afearsomecritter’s oh how these waters rise

redhood’s hold back all my dark

savage_starlight’s laurel wreath

nevershootamockingbird’s in the night i am wild-eyed and you’ve got me now

KC_Polar_Bear’s 7 shots

wollfgang’s the heart is a fist

And probably many more I’m forgetting about, but those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head!

Tagging (but only if you want to!!): @a-tired-space-ace​, @primelinchen​, @lovewithagirl​, @swallowtailed​, @nevershootamockingbird​, and/or anybody who follows me who wants to do this!

[dreamieofu]

not so lonely christmas

Written for the Taste of Winter Collab hosted by @dearyongs and @pastelsicheng. ♡

pairing: mark x gender neutral!reader word count: 2.04k  genre: bestfriends!au, christmas!au, fluff x2 summary: these days you’re mostly by yourself and with mark being so far and so busy, you have no choice but to spend christmas alone. or so you think.  warning(s): none - lower case intended. also, i guess i kinda left it open ended. 

a/n: merry christmas everyone!! i hope you will enjoy this christmas present.♡ it’s finally coming to the end of 2020, i hope your end of year is filled with much love and happiness. i hope you’re not alone, and if so, don’t be scared to msg me. you’re never alone bc i’m here!! c:  taglist: @puppywritings​ @neonun-au​ @dearyongs​ @yutacrush​ @notnctu​ @neo-shitty​ @luvlala​@ahgase55g7 [i can’t seem to tag u angel :(((! ] 

days during the holiday season had its perks. the warm feeling of christmas tickling at your nose, the bajillion lights that were strung across the city, the warmth of family and friends. it never failed to make you feel somewhat home, at least you’d think. having spent years with twinkling excitement at the idea of ending the long year wrapped up with a christmas bow. this year’s christmas seemed to be different though, maybe it was the way the night welcomed you, with an extra lightness in your steps. maybe it was the way the cool air swept harshly against your face as you walk your way home. this christmas you would be spending, alone. 

you miss times with your younger self. holding merry traditions with your best friend, mark. each christmas you’d make each other stockings filled with your favourite things. you’d pick a movie; usually ‘the grinch’ and decorate a festive gingerbread house together. it’s been a few weeks since you’ve properly been in contact with mark and you’ve accepted by now, maybe he’s too busy with his schedules. so naturally you’ve learnt to let it go. all of your other friends were busy, so that left you only wishing on christmas stars, that maybe this christmas you wouldn’t feel so lonely. 

hugging yourself closer, with the winter air nipping at the tip of your nose, you realise you’ve arrived home. your trembling hands inserting the key into the lock of your door, with a jingle, opening the front door. finally being welcomed home to darkness and the warmth of your small cozy apartment. but as your eyes adjusted to the low lights, you don’t fail noticing a pair of worn out converse placed on the side, near the rest of your shoes. your index finger hooks behind the ankle of your shoe to flick it off, panic and confusion settling between your eyebrows. after locking the door, you take cautious steps, silently tiptoeing towards your open living room. your grip tightening around the end of your shirt as you peep past the entry of your living room. the sound of cackling fire wood, and sparkling lights from a small christmas tree reflect on the ground as you see the back of someone’s head. warmth spreading across your face as you bite back a smile. 

“mark?” you whisper in disbelief. a quick wave of realisation also settles in the corners of your mind, when you remember: mark, is the only other person who has the key to your place. mark’s head swings to the sound of your voice, a smirk already plastering on his face. he’s fast on his feet, reaching you in a beat, arms out embracing you. as much as he didn’t want to admit, waiting around for you was agony. 

you sink your weight further into his broad chest, the feeling of his body warmth wrapping you whole; his scent familiar and his natural musk glazes your eyes. with small tears, you fist the material of his shirt, tightening your hold on him. “what are you doing here? why are you in the dark?” your voice is muffled against his chest as he chuckles. you feel the gentle weight of his hand stroke the back of your head, rocking you both side to side momentarily. you guess santa must have judged you nice, as your wish portrays as granted. mark being the best gift of all. 

“i know i’m always busy with schedules. but i made sure to be here for you, on our favourite day,” mark’s voice holds heavy with sadness and you feel it. understanding he’s stressed and busy, you offer him a reassuring smile. the darkness that drags below his under eyes don’t lessen the glint of sparkle found in his eyes as he listens to you. “you didn’t have to.” confessing with a tinge of falsehood, instantly grateful he’s really here. this made you hold onto him tighter, rubbing a big ‘no’ against the width of his chest. “i mean... how are you? how’d you get here? when?” you speed through questions, mumbling against his shirt. mark just chuckles at your words. 

“dude, why do you sound so sad?” he escapes away from your embrace, laughing, pulling at your ears gently. his fingers are warm, heating up the tips of your frost kissed ears. he takes time to look at you, taking your appearance whole and imprinting it in his tiny box of memories he holds for you. a small smile mirrors between you both as you sigh, rubbing your forehead against his chest, holding him close once again. “okay dude stop pouting! look what i got~” excitement tickling his toes as he guides you both, walking backwards blindly. you shadow his figure, your body draping along the wooden floor as you follow his steps. once he bends down backwards, you’re released;  watching him open his luggage. he must have just arrived from korea today. much to your curiosity and amusement (due to his bent figure) your eyes linger at the object he beholds in front of you. it’s a stocking. your name still barely stitched onto the heel at the foot of the stocking. you bite back the biggest grin, almost letting out a squeal, looking at his large toothy grin, and your heart swells. 

you finally absorb your surroundings. mark has put up a small christmas tree and he’s hung up lights. you close your eyes in disbelief, why did he have to go above and beyond with such little things. it made you almost feel guilty for not doing anything to the same degree for him. near the bottom of the tree was a small cardboard box filled with ornaments. he was so thoughtful. 

you gasp, remembering and rapid with your feet as you head towards your bedroom. leaving mark bewildered, alone in the living room. your eyes quickly scan under your bed. even though mark is busy promoting and working in korea, without fail, both of you always fill up a stocking for each other. either to send overseas or to give when you visit each other after christmas. finally grabbing hold of it, you tighten your grip onto the stocking. you bolt down the hallway with the same lightness in your steps as you float back to mark. 

you find him there standing with his back facing towards you as he holds the box of ornaments, in waiting. he’s already placed your stocking below the faux christmas tree. 

“i have yours.” you giggle, placing mark’s stocking rightfully by the stocking he’s given you under the tree. he laughs at your panting self, handing you the box of ornaments, to pat your head rather endearingly. 

you can’t help the way you wistfully watch the way mark carefully hangs some of the ornaments. he looks tired, but altogether happy. he radiates a soft glow, and it’s not just because the lights of the christmas tree that make him appear so. you look down at the box in hand and sigh, “you didn’t have to come all the way here you know?” it’s barely a whisper above the low christmas playlist he’s put on while you left him. mark stops what he does to look at your sunken figure. the side of his body nudges your shoulder out of trance. “don’t be silly.” he reassures you with one of the most happiest smiles you’ve seen all winter. you smile at his playful self, deciding not to push him further about it, and just be grateful he’s even there to begin with. 

you spent the rest of the night with ‘the grinch’ playing in the background as you laugh together. you caught up with each other, asking him stories about his promotions and work. he reciprocates the questions. when you exchange your stockings and open the small presents, you can’t help being reminded of why you love christmas as much as you do. seeing mark’s smiling face only shows how much he feels the same way. and by the end you’re both breathless and light headed from all the laughing and giddy feelings you were getting. he’s home. you even decorated a store bought gingerbread house together. finishing the movie, you sit back against the couch, still in disbelief mark’s made this journey all the way to you. 

“thank you for coming,” you finally confess, and he sits up at your words. mark strokes your ear in between his middle and index figure with a swift movement, a smile on his lips. the ambiance is light, and your feel like everything about christmas makes sense when you’re celebrating it with mark. 

“i’ve missed you.” 

mark’s words are frosted with truth and you fall into a daze as he continues to watch your bashful self. 

“and i’ve missed you.” 

“i know.” 

there’s silence as the movie dies out. the only sound filling the room was the small crackle of firewood heating the room and your heartbeat hammering in your chest. the atmosphere suddenly feels heavier. he knits his eyebrows together at your empty words which fail to pass through your parted lips. you’re lost for words as he shuffles closer to you. “i-“ 

he stops his movements, softening his expressions as you find words. somehow, from your earlier endless ramblings, you’re finally all out of words. mark raises his eyebrows. “i have one more surprise.” you finally manage to say. 

mark’s eyes widen at your statement, feeling excited at the mystery surprise. 

“what is it?” 

“follow me.” you bait, jogging slightly towards your bedroom. he follows you with an airy laugh as you reach the doorway of your bedroom. 

you show him a teasing finger, pointing up towards the mistletoe that hung at the top of your bedroom door. he shares a laugh with you, being reminded of the teenage years where you’d pretend to be so love-struck and mocking of the ‘mistletoe kiss’. you’re leaning towards his cheek, about to give him your traditional version of the mistletoe kiss. 

but mark thought he was going to give you the kiss. 

his lips press against the outer corner of your lips. the curves of your lips just barely touch one another before you step back in shock. 

his skin was warm, and you both stare at each other with wide eyes because of the sudden contact. mark’s cheeks turn rosy because of your reaction. the butterflies finding purpose in your tummy making you feel shy. you both try your hardest to fight back a laugh, feeling childish. mark loved the way you’d always find ways to make him feel happy, effortlessly giving him reasons to laugh. he’s really glad he decided to come home to you for christmas. he really missed you, despite his busy world. the fact that you’re really there in front of him after so long, gave him a push. 

with a surge of confidence, the pads of his fingertips linger at the base of your neck. effortlessly you feel magnetic to him, your body lures into his aura as a faint smile graces his cupids bow. without spoken words, you know what’s coming. the ghost of his top lip gently pulls in your bottom lip as mark’s mind screams. he just had to. he had to kiss you, there wasn’t anything else in that moment, only a kiss came to mind; finding himself able to show you how he’s been feeling. he connects your lips together like tape meeting the wrapping paper. stuck together and enclosed for a fleeting moment, before it rips open with the way you kiss back, opening his heart. he feels like he’s falling and your kiss is bringing him back to gravity to land in a deep pillow of snow. your hands cold, holding the frame of his face lightly as he brushes his lips against yours again. 

mark pulls back, like the feeling of pulling on the ribbon to unwrap your christmas present. he whispers, nose brushing against yours, a sweet “merry christmas.” 

[buggaberry]

ML Blog Appreciation Day!!

ohuuhuhoho i heard it was that day,,, and imma comin’ to appreciATE AHAHAHAHAA

@seasonofthegeek oh my heckin’ goodness she was like,,, one of my first favorite writers in the fandom and then I eventually joined a discord server with her and she’s the sweetest darn bean my gosh she’s talented and like draws too and gAH--

@secretagentspydetectiveninja waHAHAHA im loVE you ur so amazing and sweet and fun 2 talk with, aish’s writing is also mMM yes 10/10 and the amount of iconic things they’ve made is kfkjhkajshdf

@nolongervoid the sweetest beaN!!!!! Also the thing’s she’s written are aaaaaaaahhhh, real good (and u never let me let go of the daping thing >:|) love u~~~

@jattendschaton iM LITERALLY--- they’re like the sweetest human being on the planet I literally, I caNNot. They have done the most adorable cosplays of Ladybug, Marinette, and Adrien, I always loved them so so much. Their writing is also amazing, they’re so sweet and delightful to read (and they always have the absolute sweetest tags on all their reblogs my goodness).

@adrienaline-rushed-art I’ve known u since I was like,,,, 14??? 15?? My goSH, but regardless, you’ve grown so much as an artist and as a writer and I absolutely adore everything you create, I feel like I don’t express that enough. An amazing bean.

@lesslinette hhhhhh she could steal my soul and I’d say thank you omygod her art is-- aaaAAAA and she an absolute sweetheart.

@marinoodles aaaa ur so goofy and fun and just like adsfjhdh sO nice, quality meme-age also im lvoe u

@megatraven veR sweet im love they made quite a few really cute drawings and stuff and aaaa i met chu long ago but u are amazinnng

@mikauzoran iM CAN’T MY GOD I COULD SCREAM ABOUT YOU FOR HOURS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Literally sO talented, knows how to get you in the feeLS, beautiFUL writing, and just ajdsfljads such a sweetheart, I would go back and read her works hundreds of times.

@mireilletan yOU, anoTher talented and amazing writer but also amazing artist gaAAAhhh I love the way you akjdflakjd WORDS. Yes. And you’re super duper nice and aaaaaaa I loaf yuo qAq

@ominousunflower i love u and our hamster so much aaaaa, but for real he just writes,,,, so good. You can stab me in the heart a thousand times and make me cry or feel super duper soft and hnnggg when I teLL you these people are literal writing goALS--- so preTTY

@galahadwilder Very sweet! Also writes so good I love, my goodness the talent

@thewritewolf if u wanna read some fluff he is like tHe place to go, I don’t generally read a lot of fluff but aa a a a aaggh I love it a lot

@overworkedunderwhelmed I’ve read quite a few of ur things and they’re so a a a a!!!! They’ve been here for a long time and honestly they make some mmmm yes quality stuffs i yes love

@tides-miraculous aaAAA gotta stan the nino content and all the muslimah miraculous wielders, they’re and incredible artist, I was always in awe of their works

@thelastpilot moAR NINO-- I love their writing very very much, as well as their art qAq 

@botherkupo agaiN YES writing is vER gUUD and I lovE theM they are so sweet

@chatalyst they post so many iconic things oh my goD, she also writes verY good and is mucho skillzzz

@chataclysmes ahHAHAA rarepair heaveN?? Also very nice!!! And!!! Amazing artist!!! Whom I love!!!! Very much!!!!!! Yes!!!!!

@discoveringmiraculousartist OH MY GOD THEY’RE SO SWEET they’re doing the work of like ajdsfadlskjfhmy godsh. If you wanna find new ml artists you go thERE, they honestly do so much, they do so much work, and they’re so kind and my goodness gracious me oh my

@landturtlealyce wAAAAHHH VERY GOOD ARTIST VERY SWEET BEAN all the heartus

@fizzyarts i cry at the skill, like,,,,, their art good g od

@siderealscribblings a verY good writer, they’re so good at like interpreting characterization and emotions it’s like jfhadskjffj oh my guacamole 

@masilvi the living heck moar talent artist the ladrien is VERY GOOD in this house i love u

@chatnoirinette ur so sweet oml, and also verY good art, you’ve improved so much and I love ur writing too qAq

@zeknoir the l u kadrien my dude also u have nice writing and u are nice aaaa X3

@marikittynoir huAHAAHA more cute art!!!!! also a sweet!!!!! i lub

@emsylcatac wAHhahasdkjadsfh I love u so much ur so talented kjafndsjfn

@bugaboo-n-bananoir u ver skill!!! ver nice!!! i lubu

@janaikam she has some neatO writing and I like a lot and she’s honestly a really amazing person too I-- aaaaaa <3

@bugabisous VERY AMAZE TALENT GIF makeR and sweet bean

(o goodness gracious this is getting long and im loosing braincells but there’s so many >:O I’m gonna cut here but if ur under the cut I don’t lobu u less or anything I just don’t wanna abuse the people who see me on their dash)

@honeychats THEY HONESTLY HAVE DRAWN SOME PRETTY DARN CUTE THINGS and they are ver nice!!!!!!

@yeet-noir gAAAAHHHH i love yo so much I kid u not ur iconic

@amimons aaahhahahaa talented artist and so kind!!!!!!!!

@lllluka WAHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEIR ART SERIOUSLY

@terrible-miraculous-ladybug-aus thamk yuo so much for all the times you made me wheeze so hard my lungs came out

@leviaana your art!!!! is so good I love the way you color SO MUCH it’s so pretty and soft!!!!!

@sweetsweetsweetie hnnnngggg ur ability to make backgrounds god I wish it was contagious and ur comics are so good!!!!!

@wintertundra-art hmhnmnmgf they do vberry good art and aaa their trans!au is the best

@ladybeug i just o my gosh i love them so much their art and just-- can i die 4 u

@ladyblargh they’ve done so many iconic things i--

@buggachat if ur not following her already i--- aMAZING art, quALITY content YES.

@yunyin WAAAAHH MORE SUPER DUPER AMAZING ART I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOUR SO SWEET AND HHDSNFND AAHHHH

@therealscribblingmama I have so many of their things bookmarked, they are a reaLLy good writer

@miracu-less such CuTE art im in lots of love

aaAAAAA alas im getting tired but there’s probably like a bAJILLION more i really am sorry if i didn’t get you or anything like that because I do genuinely lob yuo. if u ever made lukadrien content or smth 10/10 all the screams for you u might not see like ur account but I definitely saw what u made and cried over it bc i like live in that tag 50% of the time

@megs-ils you seem to be very nice and you make so much art I’m honestly baffled and it’s also really good, like,,,,, much skill

@amyahue AAHAHAHAAHAH so cuteeee their art is so cuteeee and it makes my heart go kaboom

@tizzymcwizzy ohmygod I love the way they draw chat its so cute and like the winGS and the DHAHDBAKFSM yEs

[yesokayiknow]

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favourite authors!

@taardisblue tagged me thanks babe xoxo these are all wips bc why not lmao & im not tagging anyone bc im tired & scared ✌ (also i think my favourite one is the schitt’s creek one ngl)

1. untitled wandavision post canon scarletvision & wanda/agatha poly negotiations :) (document title: gay witch time)

‘So,’ Agatha says, not looking away from the television screen, ‘you two aren’t really married, right?’

2. untitled schitt’s creek post canon stevie/alexis

"David," Alexis hisses, "why the fuck does Stevie still think she's straight?"

3. untitled beetlejuice the musical post canon beej & delia

“Hey,” Beej says, trying and failing to sound casual, as though he didn’t just spend ten straight minutes awkwardly pacing by the kitchen door before entering.

4. untitled wandavision au darcy & wanda

‘Okay so, I only took like, half a semester of psychology,’ Darcy says, ‘but I’m like, a bajillion percent sure that you need therapy.’

5. untitled arrow s6 au siren pov where everyone defects from ota to the bby team (doc title: ehhhhh ill give this an actual title later but you already know what this is bitch)

“We would’ve helped sooner if we’d known,” Drake says.

6. untitled firebringer reincarnation au (doc title: IDK MAYBE THIS HAS CHAPTERS WHO KNOWS)

“Y’know,” Schwoopsie says, as Zazz jabs the doorbell for the fifth time, “we should’ve just, just called ahead.”

7. untitled original work (fake marriage fantasy story!!)

It’s a wet Tuesday morning, and your father is dead.

8. untitled dw (doc title: s10 family and make up)

“What,” Missy says, “is that.”

9. original work (title: Ostriches Have Twice as Many Knees as Us and That's Where We Went Wrong)

‘Don't stand like that,’ she says, ‘it makes you look like you're giving a TED talk.’

10. untitled dw timeless children au (doc title: OKAY MARTHA & SPYDOC LETS G O)

"What did you do to her?"

11. untitled ocean’s 8 queerplatonic heist wives (doc title: god why dont they just kill me)

It didn’t take Lou long to realise that Debbie Ocean isn’t wired in the same way that most people are, that she isn’t motivated by love or sex or money.

12. untitled dc’s titans dick/kory/dawn/hank/donna

“You know,” Kory says, one day, apropos of nothing, “on my planet, children are raised communally.”

13. untitled killing eve s2 au (doc title: i hate u maddington)

it hurts, but it’s the wrong kind of hurt.

14. untitled unreal post canon

“so, now what?”

15. untitled the good place zombie apocalypse au

“I dunno, dude,” she says, in a rare quiet moment.

16. untitled star trek discovery michael/tilly mutually oblivious pining ;-;

“We need to discuss your daughter and her intentions,” Georgiou says, and Stamets chokes on his cereal.

17. untitled arrow au (doc title: winter soldier!laurel except its the league not hydra thank fuck no nazis in this)

This time, you have two full days of memory.

18. untitled dw s9 au clara/missy

“This,” Clara says, for the fifth time, “is not a date.”

19. untitled dw clara/12 the sad existential wingfic au (doc title: wf)

You can fix this, you say, and even though your expression is carefully neutral, and your voice is calm and steady, your feathers shudder in your anxiety.

20. untitled original work (this is my creative writing bachelor’s project aka the thing i need to write instead of writing fic haha oh no)

There’s a monster in the woods behind your house.

[fiddleabout]

confession time: hi i don’t know much on or anyone that rides a motorcycle but found out you do :D any tips for a beginner? (also i don’t know any older bi (sorry if i’m mistaken!) women n as a just-came-to-terms-with-liking-girls 20 something, i just like hearing ur thoughts and reading ur tags. i don’t wanna say i look up to u (but i think ur really cool!!!) it’s more of a look!! there are ppl like me who are older and much wiser and in a happy relationship!!! kinda thing? sorry for rambling!)

asdlfkjaslfkj hi!!! i don’t even know where to start with motorcycle tips omg i want to tell you everything i ever learned, but if i had to pick one-- aside from learning in person from someone who really knows what they’re doing, or taking a course like the ones msf offer-- that i wish i’d been, like, smart enough to grasp conceptually when i was ten and started racing, it’s to internalize the idea that your feet do more to steer than your hands do.  motorcycles, like bicycles, turn at speed using countersteering, which is driven through weight shifting, which is most efficiently and safely done through the footpegs because they’re the lowest center of gravity in the frame of the bike.  coming into a turn you weight the inside peg until you hit the apex and then as you start to accelerate out of it you weight the outside peg.  the rest of your weight will follow and will guide the bike through the turn.  one you’re used to the way the bike feels under you when you’re changing directions through weight shifts, you’re golden. 

there are like a bajillion other technical things i could ramble for days about-- your second most useful steering tool is the rear brake!  if you’re riding offroad you eventually get comfortable enough with clipping trees that you start using them to steer you like a ping pong ball at speed!  depending on the style of riding you want there are a ton of different positions you can adjust your clutch and front brake lever to!  i have aggressive opinions about tires!-- but when i’ve taught people how to ride the weight shifting to steer thing has been the most helpful thing for all of them. 

[pinkplantmakesstuff]

Okay I gotta know more about Alec’s dragon powers! How did he get them at first? Was he born having Zhaitan like powers already for did he receive them somehow?

This has taken a bajillion years for me to write omg but thanks for asking @inkberrry it makes me really pleased ;0; (Also I was gonna add art and screenshots to explain better but I got anxious about taking so long so one day I’ll do that separately)

Right so Alec is SUPER like, Mary Sue canon breaking baloney and I was really embarrassed about sharing him to start with but the fact people don't seem to mind is really nice?? (I had a BAD time with some super canon sticking people initially oops) So yeah most of this is over the top and doesn't follow the official lore AT ALL. ALSO I'm only up to Living World 3 atm so this might all change!

Also this is gonna be SUPER LONG (Maybe so I’m going to bung it under a cut)

Right so there are 2 ideas I am toying with and this is the first;

The first idea is that he is somehow able to absorb magic. 

Maybe some of Zhaitan's magic spilt into him before he was born and he's more susceptible to accepting and assimilating magic then most beings (for reasons I don't know oops). 

So his only magic is absorbing and taking other really powerful magic. So if the dragons didn't exist? Alec would have no powers.

I THINK it's said that when the dragons die their magic flows back into the world, and considering Alec is LITERALLY right there he gets a whole dose of evil dragon magic, which is affecting the powers he controls but also his form.

Because he can absorb the powers, after fighting Zhaitan his risen/necromancey got stronger, and once he fought Mordremoth he can control plants and tendrils (And combine the two powers too!) 

ALSO! He looses his arm fighting Mordremoth/saving Trahearne (Yeah it's a Trahearne is rescued au too) instead of simply repairing Caladbolg his new tendril plant magic and the fact Caladbolg  IS a magic sword, it fuses to his stump as sort of a plant sylvari sword arm that changes between normal planty arm to big cool sword arm (This happens in the second idea too!)

Second completely wild, over-the-top, maybe the one I’m leaning towards idea that makes Alec completely self-indulgent/important ;0;   :

Heads up I know nothing about the massive in-depth wider lore of GW2 and don’t have that much interest in learning? To me gw2 is a fun playground for me to create things and stories in so bare with me XD

So you have the six human gods who made everything? Well WHAT IF they had like, a rival thing that was like, an evil demon thing that was just as powerful. I call this dude “The Destroyer”. 

So The Destroyer wants to destroy! He hates the six and is like “I’m a jerk blah blah blah I’m gonna make these six evil dragons to fuck up the cool stuff you are all building and those humans and the stuff others are creating. This weakens him a LOT and the six gods kick his ass and he “dies”.

Cept he doesn’t die! Zhaitan as one of his creations power, accidentally reforms a much MUCH weaker version of the Destroyer as Alec or like, reawakens a weak dormant destroyer who takes over a human babby. Cept he doesn’t know this, is raised as humans and with humans and is basically just a timid dude who tries to do good.

Because the Destroyer created the dragons, each one he kills Alec reabsorbs a portion of it’s powers! (So like the first idea basically)

I know a bit about Balthazar so I think it could be neat that Balthazar recognises Alec as The Destroyer (And iunno what happens in PoF that much so I’ll leave it there for now.)

Either way the Destroyer is no longer the destroyer and just Alec the tired Commander.

Also this explains in my head why Alec survives SO much bullshit all the time whereas I’m pretty sure a normal human would have died preeetty quickly in his shoes. ALSO explains why he didn’t go mad when he saw the Eternal Alchemy coz I guess he’d be part of it???

ANYWAY weird ramble over. Sorry this isn’t super coherant or fancy or even edited/read a second time to make sure it makes sense (Or even that dragony in the end? The third option is he just, is connected to the dragons somehow which was my initial idea but then I got carried away over the past few months). And ta again for letting me indulge omg! Also I tagged your main blog iunno if you’d rather I tagged ResonatingFern oops >.<

[noonachronicles]

Everlong Pt. 7

Kwon Jiyong/ G Dragon X Reader

Word count: 7.2k

Warnings: mild language and some violent imagery (?)

Genre: Hades/Jiyong. Greek God AU. Fantasy.

A/N: Fingers crossed y’all think it’s good lolololol!

Update Tag: @kathrynwynterbourne , @astarlitworld, @blue-lungs , @violagoth , @un-idntfied , @optimizche , @de-gabyconamor , @134340-cm @wonderful39530

Moodboard by Bae @memoiresofaneternaldreamer

One weekend during your first summer living with Jiho, when you were still just roommates, the two of you had gotten into a massive argument. It was a Saturday towards the end of June and had been the longest day of the year, literally. Summer solstice. The sun had reached its highest point in the sky and the daylight had lasted longer than any other day of the year. Longer than anyone had wanted really. The apartment didn’t have central air so most the day had seen you two bickering over who got to stand directly in front of the open freezer door since the a/c unit in the window had broken down the summer prior and Jiho had never replaced it.

Tensions were already peaked and made worse by the fact that you’d been so hot you couldn’t even think of eating anything other than popsicles, so you were also starving. Irritation levels were bordering on nuclear. You had gone to the refrigerator to grab one of the chilled water bottles, the only thing giving you any relief, when you found that Jiho had taken the last one and hadn’t replaced it. The screaming match lasted for two full hours and the subject matter varied so many times that by the time you walked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind you, you couldn't even remember what the original issue had been.

All that afternoon and well after the sun had set, you walked around downtown. You didn’t stop anywhere, you didn’t go inside any air conditioned buildings or cool down with an iced coffee. You walked and you walked and when you thought your feet were going to pop off at the ankle, you kept walking. Finally when you were sticky all over where your sweat had bloomed and dried, and bloomed all over again until you felt like you were more layers of sweat than layers of skin, you went home. Your plan worked.

By the time you’d gotten back to the apartment Jiho had passed out in his room, which meant the argument would remain dead. It also meant you were able to take a nice long cold shower, so long that when you stepped out you were still shivering. And you did it without him complaining about how much water you used. By the time you let your body crash down on the mattress you were so exhausted that you slept well into the next afternoon. Waking up you found that Jiho had gotten up early that morning and purchased a new air conditioner and replaced the water in the refrigerator. He’d put tiny gift bows on each bottle and left a note with a cute cartoon drawing on it that said ‘I’m sorry roomie’. That was the first time you felt anything for him beyond your normal platonic relationship.

That walk, you’d thought, was much worse than this one. The sun was warm here, but the air around you was relatively cool. When you did finally feel yourself starting to perspire you simply took off your sweater, grateful to your past self for remembering to wear a shirt underneath which you didn’t normally do, and wrapped it around your waist. Jiyong seemed completely unphased by anything. Still in his heavy coat and sweater combo, not even a hint of a bead of sweat on his brow.

The only thing that made your other walk slightly better was having all the people to watch, the buildings to peek into, and other general activity often found in cities to observe. Your initial excitement had worn off sooner than you’d hoped as Jiyong led you down a dirt road towards the mountains you’d seen earlier. He’d said that he wanted to get the nasty stuff over with first and the pair of you had been walking the road to Tartarus for what felt like hours. You’d talked a lot along the way but there was a lot of silence as well. You liked both equally. You could, you’d thought to yourself several times, talk to Jiyong for hours about anything and never get tired of it. You could also just be near him silently and have that be enough as well.

“It feels like we’ve been walking forever,” you said as the two of you finally reached the mountain. You squinted up at the bright orb in the sky and then followed Jiyong towards a creek that led to an opening in the mountains, a valley. “But the sun isn’t even at its highest point yet, it’s not even noon.”

“Time works differently here.” he said simply. “It moves slowly at first and then before you know it, it moves very, very quickly.”

You hummed thoughtfully and leaped onto a large rock sticking out above the shallow water. “So what’s down here?”

“Horrible, terrible things I would have never suggested you see or experience in life or in death.” he said quite bluntly.

“Drama queen.” you teased with an eye roll before jumping to the next rock and catching your balance.  

Jiyong followed along side the small creek, watching you as you hopped from one large flat rock to the next over and over. He was finding your constant playfulness refreshing. He’d walked this world a million times both by himself and in the company of many others, but you seemed to see it differently than anyone before you. Several times already you’d pointed out things to him that he’d been taking for granted. Smells that you loved, sights you found breathtaking. You saw everything that no one else ever took notice of all while asking a million and one questions. He knew he’d answer a million more for you if you wanted to ask him.

As curious as you were, however, he still didn’t really like the idea of you going to Tartarus. He wasn’t even really fond of you having come this far. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, not any of it. And he still didn’t know enough about you to be sure you could handle it all. You could do things and see things beyond what you should be capable of, but that didn’t mean that you weren’t still mortal. That you weren’t still vulnerable to the tricks and traps of the underworld.

He scratched the back of his neck nervously as you hopped to another rock, “Will you please be careful. If you break an ankle I’m not carrying you. I might drag your body but that’s it, that’s as chivalrous as I get.”

“Listen Frodo, you may enjoy impossibly long walks through deserted wastelands, but I’m just trying to find fun where I can get it, okay?” you said taking another leap.

He scoffed, “I’d like to remind you that this extended journey was your own idea. So desperate to see it all.”

“Maybe,” you said before your next big jump, “so. In fairness to me, when you said there wouldn’t be any creepy skeletons or sad spirits, I thought you were lying. I didn’t realize that besides the people walking around near the gates, we were going to be the only two people in the entire underworld.”

“How long do you think the underworld has been around?” Jiyong asked clasping his hands behind his back as he continued to walk parallel to you.

“Like...awhile.”

“And how many people do you think die every year?” he asked.

“A bajillion.” you said sarcastically, “but doesn’t that just prove my point that there should be more people, more souls, hanging around?”

“Fifty-five million people died last year. Of course that number increases as the number of people being born each year increases, so it wasn’t always that high, but you get the point. So what would you suggest we do with millions of people in our limited space?” he finished his rant.

“What would I suggest ‘we’ do? Who is ‘we’ exactly?”  

He seemed to sputter out his response. “Just… whoever runs this place. Not us we, but the general usage of the word.”

You hopped across three large stones landed in the gravel beside Jiyong. “Well then, what do they do with everyone? Mr. I know everything ever about everything ever.”

“It’s a little bit different everywhere,” he started to explain but you grabbed his arm and he paused.

“Who is that?” you asked nervously looking down the creek.

There was a gangly man walking towards the two of you. Torn, dark denim stretched over his impossibly long legs and tucked into dark brown leather hiking boots. On top of that he wore a plain gray hoodie underneath a black coat. His black hair was quaffed to one side and even though his head was down you could see the way his ears pulled away from his head like wings, and you didn’t know why but it made you smile despite your nerves. There was a burlap satchel hanging at his hip that he was digging in, so he hadn’t even noticed the two of you yet.

“Pothos,” Jiyong muttered. The god of longing. One of the three erotes, gods of love and desire. He was a decent friend actually, he and Hades had bonded through their commonalities. Similar to Hades, Pothos had also been duped by his two brothers and was now in charge of those souls who had wasted their lives on unrequited love, in their deaths. “Stay here a minute.”

“Jiyong…” you whispered and squeezed his arm tightly. “Don’t go.”

“You’re okay here, I swear. I’ll be right back.”  

He walked away as you watched nervously. Jiyong had almost gotten all the way to the tall man before he’d even realized he wasn’t alone. As he lifted his face you were struck by his features. The soft curve of his chin emphasized the sharp angles of his jaw. His thick eyebrows were shaped with a peak that expressed a mischievousness, matching the cheshire curve of his lips. He smiled when he saw Jiyong as if he knew him, like he wasn’t some trespasser. It earned your curiosity, but you were too far to hear what they said when they spoke.

“Hades!” Pothos greeted the god cheerfully, “Friend, what are you doing here?”

“Shh,” he hissed, “Don’t. Please don’t say that name.”

“Oh..kay.” Pothos said confused, but not surprised. Hades always was a strange one. “Is it already that time of year?”

“No, I’m not here for inspections.” he said clearing his throat, “Why are you here?”

“I was just dropping off some new charges. Went by the pavillion earlier, you’ve got a heavy backlog. They were complaining that you’d disappeared. Where’ve you been?”

“Busy.” he said shortly, hoping that he wouldn’t give too much away.

“With a young woman, perhaps?” Pothos grinned, “Don’t think I didn’t notice your friend. She, who radiates life like no other creature in this realm. Who is she?”        

“Don’t worry about it.”

The other gods mouth fell in sudden realization, “You don’t want me to use your name because she doesn’t know you’re Hades. That is...curious.”

“No, she doesn’t know and if she finds out from anyone but me,” he said pointedly, “I will tear the wings off that individuals back with my own two hands.”

“Ah, you know they’ll only grow back.” Pothos grinned, “What’s your fake name?”

“You don’t need to know, since you won’t be speaking to her.”

With a charming smile Pothos raised his hand and beckoned you over to them. He turned back to his friend as you started walking towards them, and muttered  “Tick Tock.”

“Jiyong.” He groaned just before you stepped up beside him.

“Well hello, darling. Beautiful day, don’t you think?”

You looked to Jiyong who nodded and gave you a reassuring smile. “I’ve been enjoying it so far.”

“And Jiyong here, he’s been treating you kindly?” he asked.

“The kindest I’ve ever been treated.”

“Oh,” Pothos raised an eyebrow in amusement before looking between the two of you for a moment. “Seems I’ve already done my job here then.”

“Great, so you can leave.” Jiyong said with a roll of his eyes.

“Yes, of course, I’ll give you two some privacy.” he winked.

“Wait,” you said suddenly, as he started to take his leave. He turned to you expectantly and you stuttered out, “Can I... is it rude to ask?”

“The wings?” Pothos smiled. You’d noticed the cream colored feathers peeking out from beneath his jacket when you were watching the conversation earlier and had been curious about them ever since. More than anything you wanted to know what they felt like. “Of course. Anything for a friend of...Jiyong. Let me shake them out for you.”

He took his bag off his shoulder and handed it to Jiyong who scowled, and then did the same with his jacket. The hoodie he was wearing had massive slits down the back to account for the wings, which was one of your questions answered. As he stood there the wings grew from the length of his spine to the length of his entire body. He shook his shoulders, ruffling the feathers before expanding them out completely in a dramatic flourish. The power of them blowing your hair like a gust of wind in a storm. Jiyong made a noise at the back of his throat in annoyance.

“They’re all yours.” He called over his shoulder.

You ran your hand down the smooth feathers, they felt like silk against your fingertips. Pothos shivered at the feeling and you pulled your hand away quickly, “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, that was fine. It felt lovely.” He turned to face you, his smile faded into something sad. As his wings shrunk down to their previous size, he lifted his large hand to your face. He brushed a loose piece of hair from your cheek and let his palm rest on it for a moment before saying, “I’m just afraid that you’re one of mine, darling. For that I’m terribly sorry.”

“She’s not.” Jiyong snapped, tossing the bag and jacket into Pothos arms before snatching your wrist in his hand to pull you behind him, as if to protect you. “We have to go now.”

“I’ve been wrong before.” he said and looked at Jiyong with pity in his eyes, only making the other god more angry. “Have a wonderful day.”

You didn't even get a second to say goodbye before you were being dragged down the length of the creek. Jiyong didn’t stop or speak until Pothos was out of view, until you’d rounded a curve that opened to a length of the valley that was completely covered in red rose bushes. You dug your heels into the ground, effectively halting his sudden rampage. There were small pebbled paths on both sides of the creek, but beyond that it was rose bushes as far as the eye could see. Not just on the floor of the valley, but growing along the walls of it as well.

“Would you…calm down?” you asked, trying to focus on him, but getting too distracted by the sight before you.

“Do not touch them.” he said seeing the longing look in your eyes.

Your jaw clenched at the command and you immediately wanted to defy him. “Why not?”

“Roses have thorns.”

“I think I’ll live with a couple of scratches.” you said sarcastically.

“They’re poisonous.” he responded quickly.

Your nose scrunched, “Seriously?”

“It is the underworld.” he shrugged. He held out his hand for you to grab, you accepted without any more of a fuss.  “Here, you can hop on your rocks.”

He walked on the bank between you and the roses, acting like a barrier. You kept your hand in his as you continued your leaping game.

“Who was that guy?” you asked after some time had passed and you were sure that Jiyong had calmed down from his previously frazzled state. “Is he an angel?”

Jiyong scoffed beside you, amused at the thought, “He wishes.”

“He seemed very nice,” you said thoughtfully, “except...what do you think he meant? When he said you’re one of mine.”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s not true.”

“Ji…”

“Drop it.” he snapped. You stopped on the last rock you’d landed on and pulled your hand from his. He looked over at you with a sigh, “I’m sorry. Just- it doesn’t matter what he said, if it’s wrong. He’s just a glorified gardener anyway. I don’t want you needlessly worrying about things.”

“Fine.” you said and stubbornly started moving forward without reaching over for his hand again.

“Thank you.” he tucked his hands in his pockets sounding just as grumpy as you.

The feeling of an argument between the two of you didn’t sit well in your stomach. After a moment of silence you called over your shoulder, “You said he’s a gardener?”

“Yeah.”

“And all of these roses, are they his?” Jiyong hummed in confirmation, “He’s not that great at it. Most of these are sad and droopy.”

He hummed again and you sighed dramatically and turned on your heel to face him.

“Are you mad or-” your sneaker slipped on a bit of wet rock. You tried to correct yourself but failed and your eyes blew wide open as you started to fall backwards into the bushes beside the creek.

Jiyong lunged forward and reached out to catch you. His arms kept you from falling completely into the bushes, but your back and head had still dipped into the flowers. Several petals brushed against your neck and cheeks. It was one of the worst noises you’d ever heard in your entire life. A chorus of voices crying out in agony crashed around you. Endless wailing that made you feel like your own heart was breaking in your chest. He pulled you from the flowers as fast as he possibly could, and as soon as you were no longer touching them the screaming was silenced. It was too little too late as the pain from the roses rang in your ears and echoed through your veins.

Back on your own two feet you brushed your cheek with the back of your hand and brought it away with a few drops of blood smeared across it. “Am I going to die?”

“Why would you die? Where are you hurt?” he asked looking over your body in a quick inspection.

“You said they were poisonous.”

“That was a lie,” he confessed, “I just didn’t want you to touch them. I didn't want you to hear them.”

“Explain.” you demanded. Your heart was aching in your chest and you thought you might cry soon, though you weren’t sure why. The sudden strike of emotions was unsettling and you need a reason for it all.

“Each rose in this valley is a soul.” you gasped lightly at his words, “This is the valley of mourning. Every soul here wasted their lives on unrequited love or died of a broken heart.”

“Your friend… he plants these souls. He said I was one of his. What does that mean? Which one am I?” you asked sounding frantic, “Heartbroken or unrequited?”

“Neither. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You won’t rest here.”

“No, I won’t! I won’t rest because I’ll be in agony for all of eternity.” you said brushing a tear from your cheek.

Jiyong grabbed your shoulders, forcing you to look at him, “This place is not for you.”

“He said…” you’d lost your grasp, tears streaming down your cheeks.

“Things change, people are wrong all the time.”

You gasped out a breath between sobs, “God I can’t stop crying. What’s happening to me? I’m so sad.”

“It’s this fucking place.” He muttered, angry at himself. He should have never brought you.

He pulled you into his arms and you cried into his shoulder freely. You couldn’t understand why you had gotten so upset so quickly. As if all of the souls that belonged to the petals that touched your flesh had reached inside of you and you were subsequently feeling each and every one of their hearts breaking over and over again.

“They didn’t do anything wrong.” you sniffed after a minute, stepping back.

“Who?”

“The souls,” you answered, “They didn’t do anything wrong, but they’re still stuck here in agony all alone for the rest of eternity. No one here to listen to their pain or comfort them.”

Reaching out your hand, you cupped a single rose in your palms. There was a gently weeping that rang out around you. It was a soft sound and wrapped around you like a blanket. The weeping soul seeped inside of you. You learned its story, and you cried for it, cried with it. The idea that there were countless others surrounding you, that you would be joining them, made you feel sick.

Jiyong grabbed your hands in his, “Don’t do this. It will just upset you and nothing will change. This is their fate.”

“And mine.” you muttered.

“Not yours.” he said sternly. “Come on, I’m getting you out of here.”

Sniffling the entire way, you walked with him out of the valley. You didn’t understand why you were so affected by it and he didn’t seem to be at all. There were several times on the way out that he had to push flowers out of the way so you could pass by and not even once did he flinch. It was like he couldn’t even hear what you heard. It left you with a feeling of weakness, being so sensitive to it all and you were starting to worry, imagining that it would only get worse from here. That hadn’t even been where people were purposely tortured.  

The valley opened up to a vast empty field of long grass. The wide open space before you felt like a relief, and you let out a long deep sigh. You hadn’t even realized the valley was making you feel so claustrophobic until you were actually out of it. Looking out over the emptiness, you felt fine, you felt really good. There was nothing there that looked remotely scary. No ominous movement in the grass to indicate any creatures lurking in wait. Nothing but an empty grass wasteland, and just beyond it a massive rocky hill with a large gaping hole at its base. The entrance to a cave.

“Tatarus.” you said quietly, “It’s so close.”

“I can’t lie. It’s going to be very difficult for you to make it through the field of punishment. You’re already in a weakened state by the valley of mourning.” he looked over at you and you tried to hide your still shaking hands, “I’m not comfortable taking you any further.”

“I’m stronger than you think I am.” you argued stubbornly, though you didn’t entirely feel it in your chest. “And it’s just some grass.”  

Jiyong held back a groan, “It’s not a matter of thinking you’re weak or strong. I know very well this won’t be easy for you and I’m worried. I don’t want you to feel even a miniscule amount of the pain that this place can bring. It is inexplicably worse than mourning.”  

“Why are you only worried about me and not about yourself?” you asked. Jiyong froze, unable to respond. “Because you think you’re so much stronger than me? Well, you’re not. So let’s just go.”

He sighed and followed behind you as you pushed forward, the long grass brushing against your hips. For the first time since he met you, he was angry with you. Angry that you wouldn’t just listen to him. That you had to be so persistent and curious. Two of the things he loved most about you, coming around to torture him. More than you he was angry with himself, realizing that he pushed you too much. Ever since he realized that there was something in you that was more than mortal he’d been curious too. Putting you into positions that would test you without your knowledge, wanting to know how much you could take.

It wasn’t until your reaction to the valley of mourning that he realized there was still a large part of you that was mortal, and that could be affected by the magic of this world. Now he was worried for you, scared that this would go too far. The closer a person got to the entrance of the cave to Tartarus the more powerful the energy became. Even Hades himself hated going down to the caves, they left a nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach. He felt uneasy letting you keep on ahead, knowing that soon you would feel it overcome you. He was overwhelmingly concerned that it would change you, drive you mad. It would be his fault if you didn’t come back from this. His fault for being too lenient with you. His fault for not telling you who he was, again and again and again, keeping the secret to himself out of selfishness and fear that you wouldn’t accept him for who he was. The worst part, he’d realized, was that all you had done this entire time was trust him to protect you and he was going to fail.

After you were more than halfway through the field you slowed in the grass, your hand brushing against a bush with tiny white flowers. You’d seen and passed by several of the same kind of bushes as you walked through the field. You wondered what the plant was every time you saw it but had been reluctant to ask Jiyong about it since you’d went off on him. It’s all you thought about on the walk though the grass. It left you feeling like a jerk and you genuinely believed you deserved that. He didn’t think you were weak, you were just being a brat. All he’d done was try to keep you safe, and all you did in return was make it exceedingly more difficult for him with every choice you made.

“Do you know what this is?” you asked, trying to ease the awkward tension between the two of you.

He stepped up beside you and looked over at the small flowerette and hummed thoughtfully, “That’s hemlock.”

You snapped your fingers away from the flower, “Like the poison.”

“I think it’s only deadly if you ingest it,” he said with a small smile as you rubbed your fingers against your jeans. “Just don’t, you know, lick your hands or anything.”    

“Is each tiny flower a tortured soul?” you ignored his joke, and looked over at him, thinking that just maybe you were finally understanding.

Jiyong shook his head, “No, the hemlock is planted here to poison the soil.”

Suddenly you were pushed forward from behind, your chest slamming into Jiyongs shoulder. You turned quickly to see a man walking passed you. After staring at him for a long while, wondering where he had come from, you turned back around.

“Jerk... who was that?” You asked annoyed.

“Who was who?” Jiyong asked looking over his shoulder to try and see who you were talking about.

When you looked away from Jiyong you gasped. More people were walking towards the two of you. No one said anything, no one acknowledged you were even there, they just kept pushing passed. As the two of you stood there in the long grass, more and more people seemed to be filtering passed you, all of them in the opposite direction. You felt like a fish swimming up stream.

“Who are all these people?” you asked already feeling your blood tickle with anxiety. “Where’d they even come from?”

“Stay close, don’t let me go.” he said quietly sounding more than concerned

“Let’s keep going.” you said sliding your hands down Jiyongs arm to lock your hand with his. “We should try and get out of this crowd.”

“Stay with me. Y/n? Stay with me.” He said as you walked, he already sounded far away.

“Yeah, of course.”

You kept your body tucked as close to his as you could while you pushed in the opposite direction of the oncoming hoard of people. The further you walked the more people there seemed to be. The swarm just continued to grow thicker and thicker. And every last person that walked passed you was ruthlessly inconsiderate as they jostled you around, making it more and more difficult to keep close to Jiyong. Suddenly it was just your fingernails, dug deep into the fabric of his jacket, keeping you two together. That was until one final heavy body pushed through you, your hand dropped for half a second before you were frantically reaching out, trying to find him again.

“No.” You whimpered, “No. Oh no.”

Trying as hard as you could you searched the crowd to try and find him again but it was useless. You couldn’t differentiate a single thing in front of you. It was a massive blur of movement. Your stomach cramped with anxiety as you tried to push forward. Every once in a while you would catch sight of a back of a head that looked like his, or a flash of a jacket that looked like the one he’d been wearing. Crying out his name you’d  push and push through the crowd to get to him, but could never quite reach him before he disappeared again. Half given up at one point you figured he would be pushing forward, so you should just push forward too and you could meet where the crowd broke.

It had to break, there had to be an end to this. Even if you couldn’t see it. Even if the fact that you couldn’t see it terrified you even more than the crowd itself. As you continued to push through you could feel bruises growing on your arms as you were slammed with elbows and shoulders. Every brush of another body against yours made your skin crawl. Your gut had long since twisted into a hard rock and you could feel your chest starting to tighten as well. The group of people seemed to be growing, and the crowd was tightening around you. You gasped for air, stretching your neck to the sky but you weren’t tall enough to break through to the fresh oxygen you needed. Lungs tight, you gasped for breath and you pushed forward. You couldn’t stop, you had to keep going. 

Still trudging your way through the crowd something clipped your foot and you crashed down to your knees. Several feet trampled over your hands before you were able to pull them into your chest. The crowd was moving so heavily that you were surrounded by a thick cloud of dust, making you choke as it hit your lungs.  Now you had to worry not just about suffocating but also about being trampled to death. You sat in the soft dirt, pulled your knees to your chest, and tucked your head beneath your arms.  

“Go away. Go away. Go away.” you gasped through panicked sobs.

You stayed tucked in a ball for what felt like forever, as legs brushed against you, and feet tried to walk over you. Stepping harshly on your arms and back. You could feel how raw your forearms were from where people had dug their shoes into your skin before slipping off of you. You could feel blood dripping down your arms Was this it, you’d wondered, had you died? Was this how you would be tortured for eternity? You wondered what the true punishment was. The tearing pain you felt in your gut, like everything inside of you was being ripped from you? Being trapped in this endless sea of people who were treating your body like a step stool that was just in the way? Was it how alone you felt despite being surrounded by all of these people? The helplessness of it all?

“Y/N?”

Your head shot up at the clear sound of your name. The field had cleared of people. The once long grass had been marched down into mulch. You weren’t sure when he’d arrived but before you, very unexpectedly, stood Jiho about a yard away.

“What? What are you doing here?” you asked through soft sobs.

He stepped towards you, kneeling down to cup your face in his hands, “I heard you were here. I came to find you.”

“I lost him.” as the words fell from your lips it felt like something ripped in your chest and you cried out in pain as another wave of agony passed over you.

“Baby, it’s okay. I’m right here.” Jiho said wrapping his arms around you, pressing kisses against your tearstained face, “I’ve got you now.”

“No...I lost him.” Another scream escaped you. It was as if every time you said or even thought the words you were struck with another lightning bolt of pain that rippled through your entire body.

“I’m right here, you’re not alone anymore. You’re safe.” Jiho said over and over, trying to pull you tighter against him.

“No!” you screamed shoving him away from you and into the dirt. “Not you! God, it’s hurts so bad.”

“What do you need?” Jiho asked.

“Help me find him! Or kill me!” you begged.

“Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” he asked standing up and stepping back, a look of sheer terror on his face.

“It hurts. I’m being ripped apart.” your eyes had been screwed shut with pain, but you opened them, hoping to curb some of the anxiety in your stomach. If you could just see that physically you were fine you could work on some of the other ailments. Everything was not fine.

“No, I mean...what is happening?” Jiho asked again horrified as he stared down at you.

Blinking away tears to try and see clear you saw bits of what looked like red confetti falling in front of you. For a brief moment you were so confused by why there was confetti there that you were able to distract yourself from the pain. Focusing on it for just a moment longer you realized that something wasn’t right. The confetti wasn’t falling down it was floating upwards. It wasn’t confetti at all. Your eyes followed the tiny droplets of blood back down to its source. There was a wet patch of red soaked through your shirt, beads of blood seeping through the fabric one by one and floating up into the sky above. Your breathing became more and more panicked. You tore at the cotton shirt. A muted scream tried to escape your mouth as you stared down at the gaping hole in your chest.

“Help me.” You begged looking up at Jiho, but he was useless, frozen in fear. “Help me! Help!”

You pressed your shaky palms against the wound trying to keep anything else from slipping out. With wide eyes you watched a gold cord slip from between your trembling fingers. Even though you didn’t know what it was or why it was a part of you, you could feel that this cord was important. You knew you couldn’t just let it go.

“No. No!” you cried out as you watched the cord snake its way out of your chest. Following the movement of the blood, it started to float up and away from you. It kept coming and coming, a morbid magic trick. You tried to grab the chord, to pull it back. Slick with blood your hands just slipped over it fruitlessly. “I need that. That’s mine!”

Finally the rope ended and you watched helpless as it lifted into the sky and disappeared into the clouds above. Body still aching in pain, you laid on the ground and cried. Any hope that had been left inside of you had been torn away with the gold cord.

“Let me die.” you closed your eyes and whimpered, “I want to die, let me die.”

You could feel Jiho’s fingers brush over your cheeks as he held your face in his hands and he whispered against your forehead, “Fight it.”

Opening your eyes again Jiho was there, but he was feet away from you, still frozen. However you could feel hands soft against your cheeks. Lifting your hands, you placed them where there should have been nothing, but you could distinctly feel fingers. Moving your hands down there were wrists, and then you squeezed an arm but still you saw nothing in front of you.

“Jiyong?” you choked out.

“There you go, come on.” his voice was a whisper in the back of your mind, “Fight it. Come back.”  

“Where?” you cried, “I didn’t go anywhere! You left me!”

“I thought you were so strong before, huh? What happened, you can’t cut it? Not as strong as you thought?” he was taunting you.

“I am, you asshole!” you snapped, you could hear his laugh echoed around you. “I don’t know what to do. Jiyong, I’m really scared.”

“I know you are, it’s okay. Fight it.” he repeated, his voice stronger now, “Come on, come back to me. I know you’re strong enough. I know you can do this.”

You looked back over at Jiho and then to the empty space in front of you. “This isn’t real.”

“It’s not real.” he confirmed.

“I have to go back to what’s real.” you whispered, “I have to go back to you. You’re real.”

“I’m real and you’re real. We’re right here together. Me and you.”

“Just us?”

“Just me and you.” his thumb brushed your cheek.

When you looked again Jiho was gone. The grass that had been trampled down to dirt was swaying tall around you. You let out a deep sigh, and pushed yourself up so you were sitting in the field, “Okay. I can do this...”

You tried to imagine him back in front of you, the way you had at the beach, but it wouldn’t work. You could see bits and pieces but never a clear picture. Something was missing but you didn’t know what. Lifting your face to the sky you looked at the clouds for a long while trying to figure out what to do, hoping they’d spell out some answer for you.

Then you saw it, the gold cord, and it started to float back down. It coiled into a ball in the space before you. In complete reverse of what had happened to you, you began to rebuild Jiyong with the pieces that fell from the sky. Your lips trembled once he was finally whole again in front of you, unsure if this was just another vision that would fade.

Watching your eyes closely he tilted his head and then smiled, “Hi.”

“Did I do it? Is it really you?” you asked. He nodded and your body shot forward like a bullet. Throwing your arms around him you squeezed him tighter than you’d ever held anyone or anything before and buried your face in his neck. “Don’t you ever leave me like that again!”

“I was here the whole time.” he promised, “I never left your side, I swear.”

“Really?” you asked sitting back down in front of him, “What the hell was that?”

“Your worst fear. If you can’t make it out at some point in the nightmare you die and then it starts at the beginning. It cycles like that over and over for eternity.” he said solemnly. “What was your fear? What did you see? You just kept screaming, begging me to kill you. It was fucking awful.”

“You didn’t see it? You didn’t hear anything else?” you asked feeling slightly embarrassed. That meant, if you’d deciphered it correctly, your greatest fear in the whole world was losing Jiyong. It seemed ridiculous to you to even think that could be your one true fear. How had he become so important to you? What was the chord symbolic of?

“No, why? What happened?”

“I, um, I los-” you paused remembering the last time you made an unrequited confession to him. You’d told him you loved him and he hadn’t even acknowledged it. If you told him that losing him was your worst fear and that it felt like your heart was being ripped from your chest, he’d probably run. You weren’t sure you could blame him. Instead you said, “hangnails.”

“Hangnails?”  

“Yeah, just kept going and going. Thin little strip flesh pulling and pulling until I didn’t have any skin left.” you lied, trying to make it sound like something torturous.

“That’s disgusting.” he said making a face.

“Super gross.” you agreed and looked around, “Ji, where are all the souls?”

“Each blade of grass in this field is a soul.” he said slowly as if to soften the blow. “They’re planted like seeds. The hemlock seeps into them, it’s what keeps the fear cycling.”

“That’s horrible.” you muttered looking around at the countless blades of grass, knowing what each of those souls were feeling right now, knowing that some of their fears would have left them even worse off than you had been. You felt like throwing up, but instead you started to cry again. Jiyong wrapped his arms around you and you cried onto his shoulder for a second time in as many hours.

“I know,” he whispered against your ear as his hand rubbed up and down your back, “It’s not meant to be nice. It’s not meant for souls as good and gentle as yours. These were not good souls, they’re among the worst. I promise you, they’re not worth your sympathy.”

After a moment more of crying you pulled away and wiped your face. “Sorry, I’m such a mess.”

“You’re fine.” he grinned. “Now will you please just let me take you out of this place for real?”

“No, Ji,” you said and looked across the small bit of grass that stood between you and the mouth of the cave that led to Tatarus, “I said all the way. I meant all the way.”

“Are you insane? After all of that? Are you kidding me? No. I won’t let you, not this time. You will listen to me! We are getting out of here!” he yelled, wide eyed and furious. You held it for as long as you could, which honestly wasn’t long, but you couldn’t help but crack a small smile. “You are...you’re fucking joking.”

“Yeah, this is miserable, get me out of here. Please.” you laughed.

“What a little psycho...” he smiled, shaking his head in disbelief as he stood up.

“Help me.” you whined lifting your hands up.

He grabbed your hands and pulled you upward to your feet. A little lightheaded you wobbled forward and into his chest. He looked down at you genuinely concerned, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think so. Just a little woozy.” you smiled up at him, “You should carry me, in your arms like a baby.”

“Um, no.” He scoffed and pulled your arm over his shoulder.

“Fine, wounded soldier, just toss me over your shoulder.” he snorted with laughter as you started walking, “Piggyback? You can be Dora, I’ll be your talking backpack as we adventure through the underworld.”

“No way.” he said looking over at you sternly. “You wanted to come here so bad, you gotta walk out on your own two feet. You can do it, you’re strong. You don’t need me.”

“Just because I don’t need you doesn’t mean I don’t want you.” you muttered more to yourself, but Jiyong caught it. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow, and you choked out, “Y-Your help. Want your help.”

He sighed, “Do you really want me to carry you out of here?”

“No.” you laughed, shaking your head. “This is good, I like this.”

You moved your arm down around his waist and hooked your finger through a belt loop on his pants. He shrugged, tightening his grip around your hip. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

The only thing you were sure about was that your nightmare wasn’t the only thing making your legs weak.

[pumpkinspicejackotaco-blog]

In Your Arms Again// TRR oneshot

HELLO. MY NAME IS PUMPKINSPICEJACKOTACO BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ASSHOLE. THIS IS MY FIRST EVER FAN FICTION TO BE WRITTEN ON TUMBLR. I HAVE A WATTPAD TOO BUT I DON'T USE IT AS MUCH ANYMORE. ANYWAYS. THIS IS ABOUT MY MC (Lily Josephine Brooks) WHO HAS BEEN AWAY IN IRAQ AND DIDN'T TELL LIAM AND SHE COMES BACK AND YADAYADAYADA. ENJOYYYYYYYY

××××××××××××××storystartshere××××××××××

Lily stepped off the plane at Fort Bragg Air Force base and ran a tanned hand over her chestnut hair. The terminal was awash with people, families holding signs for their loved ones but like every tour, Lily was alone. After grabbing a crappy coffee from one of the machines, she turned on her phone to find 3 missed calls; one from Maxwell, one from Hana and one from Drake.

With a tired sigh she opened the messaging app and texted Maxwell;

FROM- Lil Blossom 🌸🌸🌸 TO- Max the Dancing Unicorn 🦄🦄🦄

�� heyy it's me. Just landed, flight leaves from Raleigh-Durham at 1438. I should land around noon your time.

🦄 SWEEEEEET. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU BOO! I'LL GET YOUR ROOM PREPPED AT RAMSFORD ASAP.

🌸 thanks dude. Can we have pizza?

🦄 anything for my little blossom.

🌸 great. Gotta go. Love youuu

🦄 love you too baby sis

Lily looked up to find her "mother", Lynette peeping over her shoulder.

"Going back to Cordonia?" She grinned.

"Where else? Liam and Madeleine are over and my name is a cleared." Lily grinned back, showing her ever so slightly twisted canines. Her smile wasn't perfect as she had grown up in an orphanage but everyone she met found it adorable.

" Are you forgetting you never told him?" Lynette quizzed, sounding sceptical.

"Hana told him I needed space and that I was staying with family. Both of which are true." She shrugged.

"Fair enough. Do you wanna grab some food? We have five hours til you need to be at the airport and Tom and the kids won't get here for another 90 minutes." Lynette said, hugging Lily.

"Let's do it. McDonalds or Starbucks?"

×××××LeTimeSkipApprox2HoursLater×××××

Lily and Lynette sat on a bench in a local park, watching Lynette's two, four year old sons; Harry and Milo play tag. They were still in their uniforms as neither had brought appropriate civvies with them, it was calm, peaceful almost and the fall sun shone through the fiery red branches.

"Makes the distance worth it right? Seeing them play without worrying about terrorists and bombs tryna blow them up." Lily stated, smiling softly at the two ginger boys.

"Certainly does." Lynette nodded.

First Sergeant Lynette Danvers was a tall, willowy woman of 37 with short blonde corkscrew curls and deep blue eyes that were intelligent. She had joined the Army at age 20 after doing two years in community college studying art. Her husband, Tom was an architect of 40 and stood at around six foot. He had met Lynette when she was 23 at a bar in New Orleans during mardi gras and it had been love at first sight. Their relationship had never been easy, as Lynette had devoted her time to the Army. Two years later, he had proposed in Miami and they had married a year later in Lynette's home town of St.Pauls a year later. Three years later, Lynette would meet the scared 18 year old Lily Josephine Brooks on the runway at Camp Bastian.

They had bonded instantly, Lily and Lynette, both had had troubled childhoods and Lily felt soothed by Lynette's prescence. They bonded even more after the death of Harry Rourke, a close friend and once more when Lynette invited Lily back to St Pauls for Christmas with her and Tom. Since then, they'd been inseparable.

Tom walked over, holding paper cups of hot chocolate and smiled fondly at them.

"I barely see you these days Lil." He said.

"You know I'm only a phone call away Tom." Lily grinned.

"Still."

"I can't believe how big the boys are now." She shook her head.

"I can't believe they have more stamina than a platoon of trained soldiers." Lynette scoffed.

"Hey!" Lily gasped.

Tom chuckled and shook his head. "That'll be you in a few years."

"Yeah I hope so. But if the people hate me then there's no point. Liam needs to do what's best for Cordonia." She sighed.

"Your happiness matters too you know." Lynette soothed.

"Well if it doesn't work out then I'm going on another bajillion tours. They're easier to deal with than a bunch of angry Cordonians."

"You'll be fine. Just think. In like 23 hours you'll be back there with your friends." Tom smiled.

Lily chuckled. "Oh yes."

××××××3×hours×later××××××××RDU×××××××

Lily said her goodbyes to her friends and walked through the security gate, excited to be starting a new chapter in her life.

16 hours later, Lily touched down at Kenna International Airport, just outside of Cordonia's capital, Stormholt. She was still in her uniform which made matters awkward when she was greeted by a bunch of photographers.

"Lady Lily, where have you been?"

"Lady Lily, are you happy your name is cleared?"

"I'll release an official statement later, but you'll have to excuse me for a moment. I've not slept in 4 days and I'm running off of coffee and protein bars. Thank you for your time." She rushed, spotting Bertrand and Maxwell outside waiting for her next to a black range rover. She climbed into the passenger seat and Maxwell pulled away from the screaming paparazzi.

Meanwhile in the palace, King Liam sat in a living room, drinking tea with Regina and his father, the news was on in the background. They were sat discussing Leo's most recent antics when Regina froze, picked up the remote and turned the volume up on the television.

"This just in, Lady Lily Brooks or should we say, Sergeant Lily Brooks is back in Cordonia. The woman, who was a victim of a major press scandal back in December was seen walking through Kenna International wearing full US Army uniform and carrying a rucksack. When confronted by the press, she issued this statement.;"

The screen flashed to Lily walking through the airport with bags under her eyes and her cheeks looking noticeably slimmer, her cap was on her head and a few sneaky strands had slipped out from her bun. Liam gasped.

Lily had obviously lost weight and there was a visible healing cut above her left eye. She looked so tiny and warrior like in her uniform which was dusty and wrinkled from travel, yet he had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life.

"I'll release an official statement later, but you'll have to excuse me for a moment. I've not slept in 4 days and I'm running off of coffee and protein bars. Thank you for your time." Her voice. Oh her voice! It was like a choir of angels to his ears.

He lunged for his phone and texted Maxwell.

FROM- Kingy King Liam 😉 to Maxwell Beaumont 🦄

😉 is Lily with you?

🦄 yaaaaaa but she's drivin ATM. Can I pass a message on?

😉 don't you have Bluetooth?

🦄 ohh yeah. Btw why don't you text her yoself?

😉 she blocked my number after the first 100 calls...

🦄 AHAHAHAHAHAHA

😉 it's not funny Maxwell!!!

🦄 IT LIKE TOTEZ IS

😉 let me speak to her

🦄 one sec imma askkkkk

🦄 yeah iss kewl

Regina and Constantine looked on at the anxious king who held his phone to his ear.

"Lily?" He began, putting her on speaker.

"Hey you." She said softly, while tears streamed down Liam's cheeks.

He took a deep breath. "How are you?" He asked, running a hand through his already tousled hair.

"Fine. Not slept in four days but apart from that life's good." She said clearly.

"Why the blazes are you driving then!? You could crash!" Came the voice of Bertrand.

"Calm your ass Bert. I'm fine." Lily sassed back at him.

Regina flinched at the use of Lily's choice of words.

"Don't call me Bert." Threatened Bertrand.

"Or what? You gonna spit out your tea and challenge me to a duel?"

Maxwell snorted in the background while Constantine chuckled.

Liam sat there frozen as the bickering continued, along with the odd curse from Lily at idiotic drivers.

Bertrand cleared his throat. "Perhaps, your majesty and the dowager king and queen would care to join us at Ramsford for a few days."

"If that is an invitation Duke Ramsford then we would be delighted to accept." Liam said professionally.

"MAX YOU ASSHOLE I'M TRYING NOT TO CRASH YOUR GODDAMN CAR!" Lily screamed.

Regina looked as if she was about to faint.

"THAT IS ENOUGH YOU TWO! Your majesty, I am terribly sorry, they will be SEVERELY reprimanded upon return to the Estate." Bertrand blabbered.

"Ooh kinky." Maxwell snorted.

The sounds of Lily's delightful laughter echoed in the room, before Bertrand ended the call.

ANOTHER DUCKING TIME SKIP BECAUSE I SUCK ASS. THIS TIME IT'S THREE DAYS. LILY HAS SPENT HER TIME SLEEPING AND TALKING WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST.

Liam thrust open the door of the SUV he had been travelling in, exiting before Bastien had even gotten the chance to scan the perimeter. He was dressed in his regular suit, hair perfectly styled. But to him, looks didn't matter. What mattered was the 5,2 woman that stood on the front steps of the elegant manor.

Lily, to him, was breathtaking. Half of her hair was pulled back from her face in a loose bun, the rest curling down her back like a river of autumn that shone brightly in the early morning light. Her eyes, a shade of blue that rivalled the waters of Portavira locked with his own and he couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. The corner of her nude lips rose, just a little. But enough for him to catch his breath. She wore a navy blue shirt dress and a grey cashmere cardigan with black tights and light brown ankle boots.

She stood with Maxwell and her precious corgi, Pumpkin who dozed at her feet.

Bertrand stepped forward after Regina and Constantine had gotten out and welcomed them politely before gesturing for Lily and Max to follow.

Liam was done waiting. He rushed forward and caught her in his arms, spinning her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and giggled.

"Oh god. Oh god." He murmured.

"I'm so sorry." She sobbed.

"No. It's fine. I'm glad you're safe but this can't wait."

"What can't?" She asked.

"Lily Josephine Brooks. I have loved you since day one and I will be damned if I cannot see your face every day for the rest of my life." He began, looking at his father who gave him a nod.

He got down on one knee and produced the ring from his pocket.

"Will you do me the honour of being my wife and being the queen of Cordonia?" He asked, tears pooling in his eyes.

She nodded. "Yes. Yes. A THOUSAND TIMES YES!" She yelled the last part and he slid the ring on her finger before picking her up again, the world disappearing. As it always did when they were together.

[fandomscraziness22]

Tag Game - Senpai Notice Me

Rules: 15 questions, 15 mutuals

Tagged by: @a-distressing-damsel (thanks fam!)

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope, and I’ve only met one or two other girls with my name

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last night, when the finale of this amazing webseries named Rings (go check it out) came out. It’s about 3 teenagers who find a box with magic rings. It’s awesome, and it really gave me a community, which is why I’m sad it’s over.

3. Do you have kids?

No, although I do want kids in the future (far future, I’ve got lots of time)

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

When it comes to me, yes. I don’t often have good comebacks, but the ones I do come up with are fire

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

I honestly don’t know. I’m not good at remembering or describing people’s appearance.

6. What’s your eye color?

Hazel

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

I HATE SCARY MOVIES so def happy ending. I can’t do anything scary

8. Any special talents? 

Idk, watching the same things a bajillion times and never getting tired of it?

9. Where were you born?

WI

10. Do you have any hobbies?

I love reading!!!! Especially YA. I also love watching TV shows. And I have a youtube channel where I talk about books, so making videos is fun.

11. Do you have any pets?

Not at school, but at home I have a cat named Polly and a kitten named Diggory (yes from The Magician’s Nephew)

12. What sports do you play/have you played? 

In middle school and freshman year I did swim team, and then all through high school I was on the cheer team. I miss cheer (quad stunting was my fav)

13. How tall are you?

5′6 ish

14. Favorite subject in school?

Normally I say English because I love reading. But realistically, whatever film classes I can take.

15. Dream job?

Librarian! Or working on a film/tv set

Tags: @we-dont-sell-papes @races-erster @newsieofnj @bowtiesareavenged @i-got-personality

[meetmeinthehallway]

I’m nervous to post this, but I just need my feelings out there in the open!

Hey yall, so before I start this post I want to say in response to the (bajillion) questions I’ve receive about my sexuality throughout the years: I choose not to label myself. The most I’d say when it comes to labels is that I’m not straight. 

So, this post is for my followers, and for myself! I’ve had this blog for a long time. I’ve always wanted to sort my thoughts out in a post like this, but I never wanted to take the time; and I was afraid people would unfollow or break off friendships with me due to my thoughts. I’m now realizing that we can all agree to disagree (or agree) while blogging alongside each other with respect. Side note: in the past I’ve made comments, tags, and posts that I know longer agree with. That being said, I also stand behind a lot of the old stuff I’ve posted throughout the years! I feel like I’ve truly grown up with most of you (it’s wild how long we’ve all been on this hell site together lmao). Change is inevitable. When people receive more information, or see things from different points of view, beliefs are bound to change! I asked yall (my lovely followers) to participate in a survey broken down into a categories about Larry, Freddie, Houis, and Gryles. The results blew my mind. A LOT of people had completely different answers. I just want to say that regardless of what you believe and what you ship, I thank you for following me (and paying attention to me when I needed to be paid attention to). I seriously consider each and every one of you a friend. 

I want to start with Larry. My views on Larry are ever-shifting. I’m sure a lot of you can relate to that whether you want to admit it or not. I entered into the fandom during the X-factor days. I saw Harry and Louis with my own eyes flirting...a lot. Whether that was friendship or not, I’ll never truly know, and I’m okay with that; I’m not a part of their personal relationship with each other, so that is for them to know. I will say that I believe Harry and Louis were dating/in love for quite a long time. I’m not going to use dates, because as I stated earlier, my views on Larry are ever-shifting. I started getting messy when I got involved in management mayhem. Do PR stunts exist? They sure do! Is every little thing a PR stunt? No! I was so washed up in the drama that I took things too far. I will admit that there are still things that are sketchy, and that is why I 100% believe that Larry was once very real. For Harry it was a little more real. This is where I will start to lose some of you, and that’s ok. I will say I think management played a part in keeping them separated because they didn’t like that their bromance turned into an actual romance. PR teams tend to like when members of boy bands are “on the market” (since PR teams seem to think every girl who listens to a boy band is under the delusion that they will some day be Mrs. Harry Styles). Ok, so back to my “for Harry it was a little more real” bomb that I dropped. My stance on the “realness” of Larry is as simple as this: Larry was once real, but they broke up; and I still ship them for fun, but not to the extent I used to. I think there were also points in their relationship where they took breaks from each other. To be completely honest, I know this is going to make some of you angry, but I think Larries (myself included) played a part in Harry and Louis distancing themselves from each other. It’s upsetting, but it’s true. For example:

A) “It created this atmosphere between the two of us where everyone was looking into everything we did. It took away the vibe you get off anyone. It made everything, I think on both fences, a little bit more unapproachable.”— Louis about how “Larry” influenced his and Harry’s friendship 

B) In a recent interview with The Sun to promote his new single "Back To You," Louis acknowledged the deep respect he's always had for Harry. "In a band, you’re going to get some people who get on really well and some people who get on quite well," Louis explained. "I have forever had a very, very high level of respect for Harry. He’s great in this situation, he’s great on stage, he’s a great musician and artist. It’s just one of those things that happens naturally in a band." But he couldn't deny that the constant rumors about the nature of his relationship with Harry ultimately made their friendship awkward. "It kind of happened naturally for me and Harry because a certain amount of the fans drew up this conspiracy," Louis said about the Larry Stylinson conspiracy theories. "When it first came around I was with Eleanor, and it actually felt a little bit disrespectful to Eleanor, who is my girlfriend now. I’m so protective over things like that, about the people I love."

Now, I want to touch on my thoughts on Louis’ sexuality. I also want to talk about the blatant offense he’s given to people thinking he’s gay (which in my opinion is hurtful). Some people choose to believe he shows this offense because he doesn’t want people to know that he’s gay because he’s closeted. This could very well be true, but I don’t know. Personally, I don’t think he’s 100% straight. I think that back in the day he definitely had feelings for Harry. I think Harry was in love with Louis, and I think Louis was in love with Harry; but I don’t think Louis was comfortable enough to pursue it publicly. I think this played a part in their downfall. I think that it hurt Harry’s feelings. I think that there were times in the beginning (before they were a “couple”) when Harry was more into Louis than Louis was into harry (at least more than Louis would admit to himself). I think that Harry was starting to get used to the idea of him and Louis being a couple, but I don’t think Louis could handle the microscope that fans/the media put them under. As he said, he felt like we were looking into every little thing between them (and we were). 

When I say Louis’ blatant offense to being considered gay is hurtful, I’m talking about things like this:

I understand that if he is closeted he wouldn’t want people writing about him being gay, but personally, I’ve always kind of found these tweets hurtful? If I’m being honest, I think I’ve always WANTED Louis to be the gay icon that he just...isn’t. Do I think Louis hates gay people/his gay fans? OF COURSE NOT. I think he loves his gay fans, and I think he’s happy if we’re happy. Do I think Louis is offended when people think he’s gay...um yea. That tweet is just one example...I think a lot of people cover up the stuff he says by saying it’s either A)management or B)because he’s in the closet. TBH: I think the management excuse is overplayed and I’m tired of it. BUT: I do think Louis has some internalized homophobia. I think that he’s not 100% straight and I think Harry was his sexual awakening. I think he knows this deep down, and I think he knows Harry will always be a part of him that he can’t run from. However, I don’t think he is going to pursue other men or have a relationship with any other men because I think he’s like 90% straight (not literally but I don’t know how else to convey what I mean). 

-I hope nobody thinks I hate Louis. I don’t hate Louis. I just don’t think he is some type of gay icon. I think for a while I tried to make him out to be one, but he’s just not. He’s said he’s not time and time again.- 

***ALSO SIDE NOTE: IT’S SO UGLY TO HATE ON THE WOMEN LOUIS AND HARRY DATE OR HAVE PR RELATIONSHIPS WITH SO YALL SHOULD STOP SLUT SHAMING AND TEARING WOMEN DOWN BECAUSE IT AIN’T GONNA GET YOU ANYWHERE AND HARRY AND LOUIS WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED! TREAT PEOPLE WITH KINDNESS!!!!!!!!***

Now I will talk about Harry’s sexuality (I feel weird talking about it because like...idk him personally; but I don’t know anything for a fact these are just my opinions). I know Harry doesn’t label himself. I feel like if you’re straight you just say “I’m straight”. You don’t say “I don’t label myself” (this is just me speaking from personal experience though). It’s clear that Harry is more open about his sexuality from things like the iconic “not that important” interview, to him literally running around with rainbows every. single. night. on his solo tour. Straights don’t do that. Some say this is him just supporting his gay fans (maybe so). Personally, I think it has to do with the fact that he’s...not a straight! Ok so back to Larry being “more real” for Harry. Yes, I believe Larry was very real at one point for both Harry and Louis. There are 8,000 examples out there. I could attach them all, but that would take forever. Literally just go back in the depths of my blog and you’ll find plenty of evidence. HOWEVER, I don’t think they are together right now. I think that Harry was crushed by Louis. You ever listen to a song and think ~who hurt Harry~ ...welp! I think that Louis couldn’t handle the media and fan attention that came with dating Harry when they were younger. I also think, as I stated earlier, Louis has a hard time facing his attraction to Harry. Whether he’s bisexual or just had some type of special exception when it came to Harry...I don’t think he was able to take the heat. I think being “out” scared him way more than it scared Harry. This leads me to my next point.

Why did they break up? Ok I have a lot of theories on this. I think the main one I always come back to is that Louis just couldn’t give Harry what he wanted from a relationship. I think Harry would have openly dated Louis, but Louis didn’t want to face the fact that he was 100% straight, and he didn’t want to risk his straight boy rep by dating Harry in the public eye. I think one of the main reasons they aren’t dating/close anymore is because Harry confessed he really truly wanted to make it work with Louis played it off like all that time they were just friends OR he just literally couldn’t come to terms with not being straight. It’s possible that they grew apart because of Harry’s sexual preference. When I say this, no I don’t mean Louis hates gays. I mean that he was sick of people shipping him and Harry and wanted it to end so he decided to distance himself. He said it himself we made him uncomfortable. I have been in the fandom for a long ass time and it was pretty clear that all of a sudden Louis was very cold towards Harry. I think this started with management thinking it was better for their band image if they didn’t spend so much time together because of the Larry rumors. However, I think that Louis was probably relieved, which makes me sad. I don’t think the rumors ever bothered Harry because he is comfortable with his own sexuality. I also think back when they were dating/talking whatever it was they were doing (when they were close) that Grimmy was into Harry and Louis felt threatened by Grimmy (this starting the Tomlinshaw feud) even though Louis knew that he really had no right getting bitter about it when he was never going to actually date date Harry the way Harry wanted it to be. Something positive: Louis is a lot more comfortable with talking about Harry recently in the media so that’s nice!

I’m going to keep the Freddie drama short and simple. I will admit it, I was one of those Larries that was nasti and called Briana “Briani” and speculated about her appearance, and I regret doing that because she didn’t deserve the hate. I truly think that when Louis and El broke up and shit with Jay started getting difficult Louis was out getting drunk to mask the pain. I think that he drunkenly hooked up with B, and she got pregnant. I think the reason he was acting so weird when people brought it up was because it came as a shock. Imagine you have a one night stand and get pregnant...you’d be in shock too! His life was about to change! I do think Louis is the father. Literally look at his baby picture next to Freddie’s and try to tell me that isn’t his son? I’m embarrassed that I ever bought into that doll shit that “big” Larries tried to push onto us. I think the final straw for me was when Louis was actually hurt that people were saying Freddie isn’t his son. Like when he spoke up about it, and was pissed that people were trying to say he wasn’t real. As a fan of Louis, I am choosing to trust in him and support him and his son. I think if you call yourself a Louie, then you should support Louis being a father. He would want you to. ALSO, Freddie was literally mentioned in Jay’s obituary. I don’t think Louis would use his mother who passed away to keep some fake story going.

Finally, I’m going to talk about Gryles. My stance on Gryles is that they’ve definitely been involved before. I think Grimmy is super into Harry. There’s definitely a possibility they still hook up. Some evidence that @truerobbers helped me with:

-Harry saying, “pretend you’ve fallen in love with me” to Nick during a game of call or delete.

-The feud that happened between Louis and Nick after harry and Nick’s friendship began.

and then this 

ALL OF THIS BEING SAID: I STILL ENJOY LARRY CONTENT AND LARRY FICS AND GRYLES FICS AND GRYLES CONTENT AND I JUST LOVE GAY CONTENT BUT I LIKE TO INDULGE IN THIS WITHOUT OPENLY ANTAGONIZING HARRY LOUIS AND NICK. (AKA I’M NOT GONNA SIT THERE AND COMMENT LARRY IS REAL EVERY TIME LOUIS TWEETS SOMETHING BECAUSE JUST LIKE STOP...EVEN IF LARRY IS STILL REAL RIGHT NOW CLEARLY THEY WANT THEIR RELATIONSHIP KEPT TO THEMSELVES) I LOVE HARRY STYLES SO MUCH WOWE! HE HAS HELPED ME THROUGH A LOT AND TAUGHT ME THAT LABELS DON’T MEAN SHIT! I STILL LOVE LOUIS TOO. I’M JUST SAYING I USED TO PUT HIM ON A PEDESTAL AS SOME TYPE OF GAY ICON WHEN...THAT JUST ISN’T WHO HE IS WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT IF I’M BEING HONEST! I STILL LOVE HIM. I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR HIM IN MY HEART BECAUSE I RELATE TO HIM IN A LOT OF WAYS. IF LARRY CAME OUT IN THE FUTURE I WOULD SUPPORT THEM. IF THEY PURSUE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS I WILL SUPPORT THEM! I SUPPORT THEM SEPARATELY AND TOGETHER (IF THAT’S WHAT THEY CHOOSE). FINALLY, I THINK THERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS THAT WE WILL JUST NEVER HAVE ANSWERS TO. I AM STILL THANKFUL FOR LARRY AND THE FRIENDSHIPS IT BROUGHT ME. I DON’T REGRET SHIPPING LARRY. I WILL CONTINUE TO POST ABOUT LARRY PROBABLY BECAUSE IT IS A PART OF ME AND THIS BLOG! I’M NOT AN ANTI! I GUESS I’D CONSIDER MYSELF A HOUIS?! IDK! LIKE I SAID, I HATE LABELS :)

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST ISN’T FULL OF FACTS. I AM NOT CLAIMING TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LOUIS OR HARRY OR GRIMMY. THESE ARE MY PERSONAL VIEWS! I AM NOT PUSHING THESE VIEWS ON ANYONE. WE CAN ALL AGREE TO DISAGREE AND KEEP THE PEACE. PEOPLE WHO START SHIT WITH ME WILL BE BLOCKED. XOXO 

[featureenvyproductions]

 Also just a friendly note for anyone who’s just stumbled upon my page and my comic but

- All the in-frame music is actual music and not just like garbage aesthetic notes. Just assume every staff is treble clef and the time signature is 4/4 unless something else is shown (or, you know, you can just kind of infer it from looking at the measures.....). I don’t show key signatures for the in-frame stuff because it’s awkward, so just infer from the accidentals.

- I usually pick one song where I clean up the arrangement and add a good chunk of it to each print version.

- It takes place in Tokyo in the 80s.

- i’ve been working on the story and rewriting parts of it since I was about 15 (christ that’s like fuckin 18 years at this point and if that isn’t an ADHD mood I don’t know what is) , and unfortunately it sometimes shows and I’m sorry XD 

- i do all of the everything but also have a full time engineering job so sometimes it takes me forever to finish a chapter and i’m sorry about that too

- i appreciate anyone who reads this with my entire heart

- it will eventually look like boys love and you’ll be like “why isn’t this tagged as boys love” but i don’t like to call it that because 1) some characters are non binary and, though masculine-leaning, would self-identify that way if the terms to do so were available to them and so I’m reluctant to lump them under “boys” strictly. 2) since it’s not romance-focused, it’s such a slow subtle burn that no one will even confess anything for like a bajillion years

- on that note i am a guy (mostly.....I have an agender slice.....) and have only ever had a boyfriend so no one better pop into my inbox accusing me of being a fujoshi because i’ll mentally deck you (also my feelings about that are a rant for another time, but let me just tell you that I think it’s one HELL of a double-standard that women are burned at the stake for liking it when guys kiss each other and not a single goddamn precious soul ever calls out that sizable subset of straight guys who subsist on lesbian porn and even hit on and fetishize REAL LIFE lesbians they meet. also we should talk about how I’ve never met a “fujoshi” in my life who actually ended up being a straight girl....Every single one I’ve known has had BL as a stepping stone into realizing their own queer identities....Even still we should talk about the fact that women get demonized for having a sexuality and I feel like the double standard there is evidence that this is an extension of that...AND ALSO YEAH IT’S TRUE THERE ARE WOMEN WHO OBJECTIFY GAY MEN HOWEVER women will never be able to systematically objectify and degrade men in the same way men have done and continue to do to women so,,,,,Anyway just wanted to rant about this for a minute. It’s something that really rubs me the wrong way. And I’m too old and grouchy and tired for this and so I’m just gonna fucking say it)

- ok this note got considerably less friendly i guess i got in a mood sorry

- i also want to note that it’s going to stay pretty PG and occasionally PG-13. I would feel super weird writing Sexy TM stuff about teenagers, even though in the main cast everyone’s 18+....If that’s your thing you’re gonna have to rely on your imagination....

[divinitions]

Bajillion Questions Meme!

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions!

Tagged by @finasol​! Thank you for tagging me! 

1. Coke or Pepsi: I don’t drink sodas, but I guess Coke

2. Disney or DreamWorks: Both!

3. Coffee or Tea: Tea! I can’t really stand coffee ;^;

4. Books or Movies: Definitely books

5. Windows or Mac: Oh, God, Windows hands down. It runs better and is a lot more versatile, and I don’t want my Mac to come crashing down to smoke if it runs any games (which happened to my friend’s acquaintance)

6. DC or Marvel: None, because I’m not a huge fan, but if I must pick, Marvel

7. Xbox or Playstation: Xbox is the one I play more, but I’ve got a good game for PS that I really like

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: Uh, both, I suppose. DA2, DAO and the original ME trilogy, but I did not finish DAI (because I found the quests especially redundant, sorry) and ME:A (because I don’t have an Xbox One)

9. Night Owl or Early Rise: More night owl, but I’ve slept for an hour and felt fine, so there’s that

10. Cards or Chess: Cards, because I’ve never learnt how to play chess properly

11. Chocolate or Vanilla: Both, because food

12. Vans or Converse: Converse. I’ve never worn Vans in my life

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar: Lavellan, because let’s face it, you get an egg boyfriend

14. Fluff or Angst: ANGST! Angst all the way! I eat, drink, write, read and breathe angst! ANGST IS LIFE!

16. Dogs or Cats: Both, because why not?

17. Clear Skies or Rain: Rain, because it’s soothing and I have a reason to procrastinate, albeit a weak one.

18. Cooking or Eating Out: Homemade food is good, so cooking is preferable. Eating out is great too, I just have to be more careful.

19. Spicy Food or Mild Food: Spicy food. I grew up on spicy food so if I eat stuff that isn’t spicy, it’s not flavourful enough sometimes ._.

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: Christmas, I guess. I don’t really pay attention to both

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: Hot, because I’m used to it

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Control and read minds, because it’d be nice to know what they’re pondering about. Otherwise, time manipulation, because I just wanna slow down and chill

23. Animation or Live Action: Animation

24. Paragon or Renegade: Paragon. I always go for diplomatic/persuasive options more than intimidation.

25. Baths or Showers: Showers, much more convenient and efficient, but a good bath once in a while to destress in is good

26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: Neither, but if I had to choose, Iron Man. 

27. Fantasy or Sci-fi: Fantasy

28. Do you have three or four favorite quotes? If so, what are they?

“Nothing is true, everything is permitted.”

“Stop right there, criminal scum!”

“The Dragon awaits.”

“In the end, you return to the Gods as nothing (Omne reme a di re na).” -iirc, a translation of a line from the DA2 song Mage Pride

I need to remember all this stuff better

29. YouTube or Netflix: Youtube, because I don’t have Netflix where I am

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: None. HP is too black-white for me and while I did like PJ series, it wore down and I got too tired :/ 

31. When Do You Feel Accomplished: Uh, when I BS my way through a paper and get good grades :D

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: Not a big fan of both because I don’t follow them

33. Paperback Books or Hardback Books: Paperback because it’s generally cheaper. But hardback books are prettier.

34. Handwriting or Typing: Both, really. Handwriting when it comes down to writing quotes and typography, but typing for writing my fics.

35. Velvet or Satin: Satin

36. Video Games or Movies: LMAO I think this one is obvious enough

37. Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon: If I am a dragon, the Dovahkiin can still kill me. But I’m THE Dovahkiin, so I’d own the dragon

38. Sunrise or Sunset: Sunrise, but I’d pick sunset for Skyrim because c’mon, the auroras are stunning :0

39. What’s your favorite song: Currently Troye Sivan’s “There For You”, but I listen to a multitude and they’ll change soon enough. KARD and Dean have great songs too tho, hnnng.

40. Horror Movies, yes or no: Um, I’ll pass.

41. Long or Short Hair: Long. I like it better that way even tho it’s a pain to deal with

42. Opera or Theatre: I’ve never exactly seen any of these so :/

43. Assuming the multiverse theory is true and that every story ever told has really happened somewhere, which one of the movie/book/tv show/game/etc worlds would you pick to travel to first: The Elder Scrolls universe would be great, mainly because I would like to travel across Tamriel, despite the draugrs and wolves, snow bears and mudcrabs. If not, Assassin’s Creed.

44. If you had to eat only one thing for the rest of your life what would it be: Eh, granola. Or salmon.

45. Older guys or young guys: Older guys. I know this is a generalisation, but most are more mature and responsible. Plus, I just can’t see myself with a younger man.

46. If you could erase any show from TV history, what would it be: No opinion on this

47. Singing or Dancing: Both.

48. Instagram or Twitter: I’ve got insta, but tumblr, really.

49. Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit: Lord of the Rings. I liked it better, though I am very partial to it.

50. If you could create either a sequel or bring back any tv show/movie, what would you choose: Eh, none.

51. Who is your movie/tv show character that you are looking up to and why?: None, if it’s TV/movie, but if it’s a game, then the guards in TES IV: Oblivion. They pop up everywhere, anytime, even when nobody’s there. C’mon, that deserves a reward.

52. If you were ever convicted of a crime, what would it be?: Shoplifting a gaming console, the games or taking money from the cash register. Pickpocketing, maybe?

53. Anime- subbed or dubbed?: Subbed, but I like listening to hilarious dubbed ones. Free! for example.

54. City or countryside?: Countryside, especially to those that are very lavish in nature and are situated in terrains that resemble those of Iceland, Alaska or Norway.

55. What book have you read over and over?: Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami and The Book Thief by Markus Zusak 

56. What is your personality type?: You see, here’s the thing: I don’t know. The tests chuck back different results. Most likely ISFP but the tests keep saying ISTP - T

57. Would you rather change a moment in time or have a glimpse into the future?: Change a moment in time.

58.) Would you rather have an ex that you hate start dating your best friend, or have an ex that you’re still attached to hook up with someone you revile?: I’d rather just have the latter. I gotta let the ex go someday and it might just be much easier. Not exactly my problem anymore anyway :/

My Question:

59. Oblivion or Skyrim?: Oblivion has better immersion, better thought out quest lines generally (Companion quest in Skyrim was ??????) but Skyrim’s gameplay is great ( + Thieves Guild is a great questline)

Tagging @dxsturbxa, @damnlettuce and @198cm-of-vetra-nyx

[ainenrosso]

I can’t believe I got tagged in something for once

Anyway I got tagged by @agentpan and this looked fun so here we goooooo

Bajillion Questions Meme Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions!

1. Coke or Pepsi: Coke

2. Disney or DreamWorks: Disney

3. Coffee or Tea: I don’t like either too much but I do like fruity kind of teas!

4. Books or Movies: Books. I can put them down as I please and follow at my own pace.

5. Windows or Mac: Windows. I don’t have a lot of experience with Mac.

6. DC or Marvel: Marvel.

7. Xbox or Playstation: I have no experience with either, but I’ll say Playstation.

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: I’ve never played either, but I think Dragon Age would interest me more.

9. Night Owl or Early Rise: I tend to be a night owl, but I’m trying to be an early riser.

10. Cards or Chess: I’ve never played chess before, so cards!

11. Chocolate or Vanilla: Please drown me in chocolate.

12. Vans or Converse: I’m loyal to Vans since I wear the same damn pair almost everyday.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar (dragon age): Never played Dragon Age.

14. Fluff or Angst: Love me that emotional trauma. Need some fluff here and there though.

16. Dogs or Cats: Cats!

17. Clear Skies or Rain: Rain!! I love it when it rains.

18. Cooking or Eating Out: Eating out, I hate cooking.

19. Spicy Food or Mild Food: I like spicy to a certain degree.

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: Christmas. I like the Christmas feeling.

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: A little too cold as I prefer to bundle up.

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Shapeshifting! I’d never be human again.

23. Animation or Live Action: Animation! I just like the look of it better.

24. Paragon or Renegade (Mass Effect): I haven’t played Mass Effect.

25. Baths or Showers: I feel cleaner when I shower, but baths are super relaxing. So depends I guess.

26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: Iron Man, I guess?

27. Fantasy or Sci-fi: Fantasy!

28. Do you have three or four favorite quotes? If so, what are they?

“Don’t get hurt, and you won’t die!“

"You know that saying that there are no bad questions? Well there are, and this is one of them! WE ARE NOT THERE YET!”

“Y'know, what’s your damage? Maybe you should try having 50 billion boyfriends too, because then you might not be such a salty, jealous bitch.”

29. YouTube or Netflix: Youtube, easier for me to watch.

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: Percy Jackson holds a special place in my heart.

31. When Do You Feel Accomplished: I dunno… when I 100% a game. Also getting shit done in real life is a good way as well.

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: Confession, I haven’t seen either. I’ll say Star Wars though.

33. Paperback Books or Hardback Books: Paperback they’re cheaper.

34. Handwriting or Typing: Typing, it’s easier to read and isn’t as tiring.

35. Velvet or Satin: Velvet.

36. Video Games or Movies: Games!!

37. Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon: Be a dragon! I’d better have wings though.

38. Sunrise or Sunset: Sunset. If I see the sunrise, it’s way too early.

39. What’s your favorite song: Honestly it switches a lot, but one song I never get over is Kill the Lights by the Birthday Massacre.

40. Horror Movies, yes or no: No, they tend to give me anxiety.

41. Long or Short Hair: Long as I can do more with it.

42. Opera or Theatre: Theatre.

43. Assuming the multiverse theory is true and that every story ever told has really happened somewhere, which one of the movie/book/tv show/game/etc worlds would you pick to travel to first: Probably Pokemon as that’d be the one that’s the most peaceful.

44. If you had to eat only one thing for the rest of your life what would it be: I’m not sure, I hate eating tbh.

45. Older guys/girls or younger guys/girls (I guess you can change this to your preference): I don’t know…? I guess I tend to prefer older guys and girls.

46. If you could erase any show from TV history, what would it be: Teen Titans Go. I hate that show so much.

47. Singing or Dancing: Singing. I do it all the time.

48. Instagram or Twitter: I don’t use these, but I guess I’d use Twitter if I had to.

49. Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit: Confession #2, I haven’t read or seen these either.

50. If you could create either a sequel or bring back any tv show/movie, what would you choose: I’m not sure, I don’t watch a lot of TV or movies to really care.

51. Who is your movie/tv show character that you are looking up to and why? See answer above.

52. If you were ever convicted of a crime, what would it be? Murder, probably. I say this, but it’d probably something a lot less major.

53. Anime- subbed or dubbed? I generally prefer subbed, but there are are a few good dubs out there.

54. City or countryside? City, I get too bored in the countrysidr.

55. What book have you read over and over? I don’t tend to reread books.

56. What is your personality type? I’m shy and quiet, but put me next to the right people and I can be very loud and obnoxious.

57. Would you rather change a moment in time or have a glimpse into the future? I’d probably want to glimpse into the future as changing the past could mess up a lot of things.

58. Is there a popular series that you just can’t get into? Any TV show.

59. Dream job? Currently working to be a veterinarian, but might settle just for technician.

60: Top three video games? Kid Icarus: Uprising, Fossil Fighters, and, uh… Fire Emblem, but I can’t decide which game in particular.

61: Favorite Pokemon? This question has haunted me for centuries… but I have to say Mew has held a special place in my heart.

Anyway I’m supposed to tag people now? Uh, @royalpalidin , @derideari, @remainsofkeismind and @oodlezofpoodlenoodlez

Of course, this is optional. Anyway, my question…

62. Top 5 ships?