#I’m starting to wish I didn’t force you into this app now

[therealghostface0]

Fucking kys 💗

No 💗

[gor3sigil]

Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.

I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.

Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.

I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.

5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.

I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.

I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.

I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.

I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.

I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.

But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.

I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.

It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.

If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.

Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.

It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.

You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.

Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.

Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.

[carmenberzattosgf]

My brain is rotting with the concept of Carmy sending you a video of him jerking off ( @wtfsteveharrington is to blame for this)

Currently, Carmen is in New York for a chefs conference. He can’t get you off his mind, and he’s missing your warm body in bed next to him. It doesn’t help that he just woke up at 2am with a massive hard-on.

“Fuck it,” he mumbles to himself, reaching for the switch to the lamp on the bedside table. He grabs his phone next. With shaky hands, he opens the camera app on his phone, switching to video mode. He clicks the start button.

Carmy’s lower half is still underneath the blanket as the video begins. He’s breathing heavy as he trails his right hand from the top of his sternum to the waist band of his underwear. He kicks the blankets off, exposing the growing bulge in his briefs.

Carmy’s not going to let himself get camera shy now, so he acts like he’s talking to you. “W-woke up like this—“ he breaths. His keeps his movements slow, letting his palm drift down to his covered dick. He applies gentle pressure, which makes his hips twitch.

“I wish you could have come here with me. Know you’d take care of this.” He grips himself harder, forcing a choked groan to leave his lips. Carmy can’t keep this up; he needs to get a hand on his throbbing cock. His thumb hooks into the waistband of his underwear and pulls them down. The camera angle shakes while he shoves them down his hips.

When the video steadies and focuses, it’s on his exposed cock. Carmy breaths deeply as his cock twitches, precum oozing from his tip. “Shit—I’m already leaking. See what you do to me, sweetheart? Just thinking about you gets me hard like a fucking teenager.”

Carmy’s hand disappears from the frame for a moment, but it’s obvious from the sound of spitting what he’s doing. Once his hand enters the frame again, now covered in saliva, he wastes no time and grabs his cock.

Honestly, he probably doesn’t need the extra lubrication with how much he’s dripping, but Carmy wants to replicate the feeling of your soaked cunt as best as he can with his hand. “W-wish I was with you. Know you’d be so fucking wet and warm around me.”

Carmy starts with a slow and calculated pace. His palm grips his dick as tight as possible without it being unpleasurable. On each up stroke, he applies additional pressure to make the pre drip down the head of his cock.

He’s making the most erotic sounds, a mix a raspy groans and needy whines. His abs flex while he pants, desperate for air. “Shit—baby. Miss you, pretty girl.” He fists his cock quicker, now, barely able to keep his hips on the bed. Carmy gives in and lets his hips work in tandem with his hand. “M’gonna fuck you so good when I get back—just-just like this—shit. You won’t be able to walk straight—“

It’s borderline hedonistic, the way his hips roll into his hand. Carmy’s completely unabashed. “S’good f’me. Feels s’good,” he mumbles like you’re actually there with him and not hundreds of miles away. The veins in his forearm clearly bulge out from the effort. There’s no telling how obscene the look on his face is right now.

It’s clear he’s nearing his peak from the way he’s whimpering. Small sounds and gasps leave his lips incessantly. His palm moves at a rapid pace, growing more sloppier by the second. A sharp, wanton whine escapes him before he murmurs. “Mmm, baby. Close—fuck. So fucking close, baby. Shit—gonna— m’gonna cum for you. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

His cock pulses as cum spills all over his abdomen. Carmy’s hips continue to fuck his hand through his orgasm as he whimpers with every spurt of cum. There’s no coherency to his sounds; only carnal moans escape him.

He continues to fist his cock until he’s milked himself dry. Carmy’s painted with cum; it’s all over him. His white-covered abs rise and fall rapidly while he catches his breath. Finally, he lets go of his cock with a groan.

Carmy looks at himself through the video on his phone and chuckles lowkey. “Made a mess didn’t I?” His hand falls to his stomach. He traces out your first initial in the pool of white before letting his palm smear the cum across his abs.

After a moment, he spreads his fingers in front of the camera, showing the ropes of cum sticking to his hand. His voice is gravelly as he speaks.“Fuck. Guess I need to go hop in the shower. See you soon, baby.”

[moodriingz]

Into Your Room | L. Hughes

Summary | Luke breaks up with the reader and they're both miserable

Pairing | Luke Hughes x reader, Jack Hughes x platonic! reader, Ethan Edwards x platonic! reader

Warning | Breakups ? and maybe three curse words ? that's about it!

Author's Note | This is my first post! I'm so excited because I love this song and all I could think about for a couple of days was this scenario. Please send requests and what you think!

Masterlist

You and Luke started dating while he was at the University of Michigan. Sure, you knew when He went to play for the Devils long-distance would be difficult because of your classes and his practices and games but you wanted to try. So it came as a shock when Luke broke up with you halfway through the summer after his NHL Debut.

“Y/N I really think we need to take a breather,” said Luke while you were both watching the sunset on the beach of the lake house. 

“What?” You asked. It felt like your world came crashing down out of nowhere. You guys had barely been together a year. But you were inseparable at school and during the summers. 

“Yeah, I just need to focus on hockey right now and you have your classes. I just don’t think it’s going to work out,” Luke rambled.

“But I want to make it work. I told you that before you left for New Jersey,” 

“I don’t want to be held back because of some relationship,” Luke said and you stayed quiet. Your heart was shattering and he was stomping all over it.

“Ok, I’ll get all of my stuff and go back home. No point in wasting any time I guess,” You said with blurry eyes.

You packed up your bag and got ready to go. You saw Jack on the way out and gave him a hug goodbye.

“I don’t know what He’s thinking. I’m sure He’ll come around. It'll all work out,” Jack said into your hair even though it felt like he was trying to convince himself instead of you.

“It’s fine Jack, just take care of him for me,” you said and left the house and got in your car without looking back at one of your favorite places in the world. 

I will run after your moving car

And I will follow you

You're my northern star

Luke was miserable for the rest of the summer. He didn’t want to admit it but he was lost without you. He wished he stopped your car as you left. He regretted everything he said. He was just scared you would find someone better than him at school now that he wasn't there.

Luke told himself that once the season started he wouldn’t have time to think about how much he missed you. Boy was he wrong.

He stalked your Instagram in his free time. He was sure he was almost always the first viewer of any story you posted and had to force himself to ignore your profile picture anytime it came up when he opened the app.

You looked like you hadn’t missed a beat once you got back to school. Always posting when you’d go out with friends or when you’d study at your favorite coffee shop.

You both had so many great memories there anytime you’d post your coffee order he could basically hear the espresso machines and the smell of coffee. He'd remember your laughter from when he had gotten foam on his top lip. Or the time you were so nervous for finals and wouldn’t look up from your computer until he got you a refill of your coffee. Your smile was so bright from such a small gesture he knew he had to do anything he could to see it.

Except he did the opposite. His last memory of you was full of tears as he watched your car pull away. He didn’t know what to do. Luke was a mess while you seemed fine. How could he ever convince you to take him back?

You don't know how much I need you

Yeah, I feel the weight

It's crushing me

You were a mess coming back to school. You missed Luke more than you thought you would. The two of you spent so much time together and when you couldn’t be with each other you would text every chance you’d get.

You missed his goofy smile and curly hair. Luke Hughes was everywhere. The memory of him was in the Library where you would have study dates, He was in your favorite bar where he couldn’t take his eyes off of you all night, He was in your classes where you would sit together and whisper random things back and forth. He was everywhere except where you needed him to be. With you.

Your friends always dragged you out even when all you wanted to do was stay in and watch your favorite TV show and wallow. They always made sure to take good photos so you could post “to make Luke know what he’s missing” they’d always say. 

They basically had a schedule set of when to study with you or get coffee. You didn’t mean to make them watch over you as much as you did, but you couldn’t help how much you needed Luke. 

Finally one night You convinced them that you were too busy with homework to hang out when really you were going to watch the New Jersey Devils season opener. Ethan Edwards saw right through your lies about studying because he knew you liked to finish most of your work at the beginning of the week.

He insisted on watching the game with you and you let him because he was the only one who remotely knew what you were feeling. You both watched pregame, and when the commentators showed Luke all you could notice were his eyebags and how tired he looked. Your heart shattered all over again.

You watched him get his first assist of the season and your heart clenched. If you were still together he would’ve called you after the game and told you all about it. Now you just felt like a spectator while he was all you could think about. Ethan turned to you and noticed how upset you were with tears threatening to spill over. He was tired of seeing his friends destroy themselves.

So, maybe, take me into your room

Without you, my soul is eternally doomed

You're the center of this universe

My sorry ass revolves around you

No, I can't do without you

Jack couldn’t take Luke’s self-pity anymore. All he would do was look at his phone and play hockey. Jack could tell it was affecting Luke more than he was letting on. His eyes were almost always bloodshot and he looked like he was moving through the motions at practice. 

Luke was a shell of his former self and Jack knew he had to do something. He texted Ethan because he knew that besides Luke that’s who you would talk to the most. They both started plotting to get you back together. The Devils had a game against the Red Wings right before Thanksgiving and knew there had to be some way to get you there.

Ethan practically begged on his knees for you to come to the game. He told you he was gifted the tickets and would feel horrible to not go. Everyone else had already left for Thanksgiving, leaving you as his only option.

You weren’t stupid. You knew the game was against the Devils. You had the date marked in your planner as when you would have seen Luke if you were still together. You both looked forward to the game because it was the first time you would’ve seen him play in the NHL and then you would've gone to his parent’s lake house for Thanksgiving the next day. At least that's what was supposed to happen. 

You only agreed to Ethan because you felt bad no one else could go. Ethan promised no funny business, and you could leave the game the second the final buzzer went off. It felt safe and you could see Jack. You missed Luke, but you were also close with Jack. It was something Luke loved about you, how great you got along with his brothers. 

Luke had no idea about the plan Jack and Ethan were brewing. He was especially miserable because he knew if he didn’t mess up the best thing in his life several months ago, you would be at the game cheering him on. He was in hell beating himself over it. All he wanted was to see you in the Jersey he gave you right before his NHL debut. 

Ethan came and picked you up all giddy when he noticed you were wearing a Hughes 43 jersey.

“What? It’s the only Devils gear I have, and I’m sure as hell not going to cheer for them in a Red Wings jersey,” You said without taking a breath.

“I wasn’t even going to say anything.”

You two find your seats and you realize how close to the ice it is. You’re on the Devils side facing the bench a couple rows up from the ice. Luke is definitely going to see you because of your proximity.

“If you had told me how close we were going to be I definitely would’ve worn-” You said before getting cut off.

“Don’t even finish that sentence we’re rooting for my team tonight,” Ethan said talking over the music.

The Devils start coming out for warm up and it doesn’t take Luke more than two seconds to see you. You both lock eyes and don’t look away. He notices you’re in the jersey he gave you, and his heart flutters with hope. He just stands there looking at you until Nico pushes him to tell him has to get ready for the game. You, however, look like a deer in headlights and your heart stops. You hadn’t seen Luke since the summer. Tears start to gather in your eyes and you know you have to leave.

“Ethan I can’t do this. I can’t be here,” You say with tears starting to fall.

“Please you promised me plus he can’t even do anything he’s on the ice,” Ethan says trying to convince you knowing it won’t work.

You start to gather your things when Luke notices. He rushes across the ice and knocks on the glass to get your attention. You instantly regret looking his way, but his eyes look desperate and excited your heart flutters the tiniest bit. 

You read his mouth as he begs you to stay. You just look at him and Ethan debating what to do. You decide to stay and see what happens. Ethan's right he can’t do anything while he’s on the ice, right?

I'm throwing stones at your window

To get you to notice me

Don't make me stand outside, in the pouring rain

With a freshly ripped human heart from my rib cage

And a boom-box

How pathetic, babe

It was a hard loss for the Devils, but the end of the game meant you could finally leave. Ethan was right, Luke didn’t bother you for the rest of the game besides constantly looking at you when he wasn’t on the ice or there was a faceoff right in front of your seats.

As you and Ethan are getting ready to leave you get a text.

From moosey

please don’t leave

i really want to talk

You showed Ethan and he looked at you bewildered.

“You never changed his name?”

“I never had the heart,” You say looking back down at the texts. The three bubbles show up and disappear over and over again.

“I think you should go. What's the worst that could happen, right?” Ethan asks. 

“I don’t know he can rip my heart out all over again and tell me off for coming to his game,” You say, swaying on your toes to your heels.

“He won’t do that trust me,” You don’t even have the energy to ask Ethan as your anxiousness bubbles up to your throat.

To moosey

where can we meet?

From moosey

come down to the locker room i can tell security you and ethan are coming

To moosey

ok 

Luke has to stop himself from running to you when you get to the locker room. He wants to pick you up and spin you around like he used to do after his Michigan games. Instead, he walks up to you and says a simple hi.

“What did you want to talk about?” You whisper nervous about what he has to say.

“Us.” Your breath stops ready for him to tell you off for coming.

“I fucked up ending our relationship,” He says with his eyes turning red.

“Luke, why now? I was ready to fight for us but you dismissed me like I was nothing to you.” 

“Because I was scared,” He admits. “I was scared you’d find someone who’d be able to give you more attention than I could. And that’s what you deserve, but God I can’t be without you. You’re the opposite of nothing, you’re my everything and I’m so lost without you. The last couple of months have been absolute hell.”

“You should’ve talked to me. I would’ve told you there’s no one better for me than you. The last couple of months have wrecked me.” You tell him.

So, don't turn away

You must know how much I need you, need you

Yeah, I can feel your pain

I hate to think how bad I treated you

But I know a place

Where the darkness can't reach us

“Please forgive me. Please can we just forget this all happened?” Luke begs you.

You just nod and launch yourself into his arms for a kiss. He deepens it by holding you in by your hair. Your heart flutters and you never want this moment to end.

“Would it be too much to ask you to spend Thanksgiving with us? I just don’t want to spend any more time away from you. But I get it-,” Luke asks nervously before you cut him off.

“No I’d love to come, I miss everybody.”

“Did I miss it? Did our plan work?” Jack comes into the hallway shouting excitedly.

“What plan?” Luke asks Ethan and Jack.

“You didn’t,” You say.

“Oh but we did, who do you think gave me the tickets?” said Ethan mischievously.

“Well I guess your plan did work, good job boys,” you say with a blush on your cheeks.

Luke kisses your cheek and tells Jack you are spending Thanksgiving with the family and you won't be going anywhere anytime soon. You finally feel like you’re back where you belong. While Luke feels the relief of finally having his world back. 

No, I can't do without you, baby

Maybe, take me into your room

Without you, my soul is eternally doomed

You're the center of this universe

My sorry ass revolves around you

You— And again

[delfiore]

—MONTAUK.

pairing: alexia putellas x reader

synopsis: you remember how it used to be whilst dealing with how it is now.

word count: 2.1k

a/n: alexia baby come home the kids miss you 🥲 this was the clairo - bags fic i promised months ago but now the premise feels completely different and i've changed the title also lol. a lot happens to one's state of mind in 3 months.

After.

Under normal circumstances—as much as normal was nowadays—the silence in the apartment would feel like a blanket of comfort. It meant you were having a rest from your hectic days training and playing matches, it meant you could finally relax with the love of your life; it meant peace.

Now, the silence was deadly. It was sucking up the life in every room in this apartment, and it was draining the life out of you too.

The door clicked, and you shifted in your spot on the couch, quickly shutting off your phone on which you had bullet points typed out in the Notes app—bullet points of things you wanted—needed—to say, to lessen this inevitable pain. You cracked a smile when you heard tiny feet pattering on the floor, just as the little Pomeranian came to greet you with loving licks.

Nala was oblivious to the cracks that had been forming in her home, that have been left unamended for too long with the thinking that they would go away with time. You dreaded thinking of the day when the little pup came home from a walk and you weren’t there anymore. Would she miss you? How long until she starts to forget you?

“I got us dinner.”

“Cool,” you said, breathing in deeply. “You wanna eat now, or . . . ?”

“Sure.”

You helped her unpack the food without another word, the only sound heard was the clanking of plates as you pulled them out of the cupboard and set them on the kitchen island.

Alexia didn’t say anything either, just gingerly put the food on the plates. You felt her stiffen slightly as you walked towards her and placed a soft kiss on her shoulder.

She offered you a small smile—a forced smile—and brought the food to the table.

You cursed yourself and wished you hadn’t done it.

Before.

“And that concludes the tour of our facilities. Any questions?”

“No, I’m good.” You were way too excited to think about anything else other than the Barcelona crest on your chest.

“Great. Then, how about we go meet your future teammates? Some of them should be in the weight room.”

Patri greeted you initially, first in Spanish, then in English once she realized you weren’t catching on. Jana and Salma followed suit with friendly handshakes and quick hugs. It left the captain to be the last. And there she was; la Reina herself.

You were surprised to find that she was rubbing her hands together, waiting for her turn, almost like she was nervous. As you came to know her, you understood that she was in fact nervous when meeting new people, a polar opposite to the confident leader she was on the pitch.

But you saw the way her hazel eyes fixed on you, and as you approached her, a lingering smile played on her lips. Your heart suddenly leaped in your chest, and your cheeks felt embarrassingly warm, which you hoped she didn’t see.

You had admired her from afar, looking up to her as a role model in the game, but now that you were seeing her up close, something stirred inside you. There was something so endearing about Alexia’s shyness where you had expected assertiveness. It made her feel more down-to-earth, more like your teammate rather than a mythical figure up on a pedestal. One look at her and you understood why people had talked so highly of her—how could they not?

Extending a hand towards her, you had made your greeting, but she pulled you in for a firm and generous hug.

And that’s how they started—the butterflies, the attraction, the yearning—and they never went away.

After.

You decided that you were going to do it after dinner. Doing it during dinner is just tacky and downright disrespectful. You’d hate to be crying into your takeout after telling your girlfriend you wanted to break up.

When you snapped out of your train of thought, you realized that it was way too quiet. Alexia was eating on the other side of the table, scrolling through her phone as she did.

“Did you see Claudia’s banger of a free kick today?” You asked, smiling slightly.

Alexia looked up briefly from her phone. “Si. Really good.”

A curt answer. You nodded, and silence ensued again.

You didn’t talk to Alexia much these days. You used to be able to talk to her about anything, even in the beginning when the both of you were still testing the waters to see where you stood. When did it become like this?

Before.

Practice was going swimmingly. You found yourself catching on quickly with the rest of your teammates. Alexia has made it her mission as captain to make you feel welcome. “Anything you need, ask me,” she would say in English. You wanted to, but every time you thought about talking to her, your hands would sweat and you needed to practice what you were going to say to her. You weren’t scared that she wasn’t going to understand you, but because you knew you’d make a fool out of yourself tripping over your words.

“Hey, Alexia,” you said after practice, “I don’t know the city that well, and—well—since you do, would you be willing to show me around?”

“Si, claro.” She answered and looked around the field. “Maybe I can ask some of the girls to come with? They might know things to do that I don’t.”

Later she would explain to you that she panicked and that she knew she would be weird about it, thinking it was a date when it really was just a little outing between teammates. You wished she had treated it like a date, though, and was slightly disappointed when she mentioned bringing your teammates. Still, you had a great time watching Mapi banter with Lucy and Mariona while Alexia played the role of the disappointing mom trying to restrain her children.

You were grinning thinking back on the day when you came home. Her bashful smile after she offered to drive you home was so unlike anything you had pictured in your head before coming to Barcelona. You loved her calm nature, something that made her such a reliable captain, but also an endearing human being.

After.

You stayed seated by the dinner table and you watched her load the dishes in the washer. The scene was void of music that she would sway her hips to or a hearty conversation about a random fact she learned from one of your teammates. Now it was just robotic, lifeless movements, and your heart squeezed at the thought of what it used to be.

The end is near.

Somewhere, somehow, you gathered the courage to speak up. “Wanna watch a movie?”

And to your surprise, she turned around and said, “Sure.”

For a second, you let yourself hope that there was still something salvageable from this ruin. Then you realized that you had been here many times before, and everything accumulated and led you here to this moment.

Before.

“Really?! You’ve never seen Mean Girls?”

Alexia shook her head and chuckled. “I didn’t watch a lot of movies, Y/N. Growing up, all I had time for was football.”

“Yeah, but . . . I mean, it’s Mean Girls. That’s just a crime,” you clicked your tongue. “We’ll have to catch you up on all the classics.”

The discussion had been prompted by the imminent movie night at one of your teammates’ places. The movie of choice was Mamma Mia!, and you had been most excited to rewatch it. You and Alexia arrived together after an outing in town, and since you did so late, you both were in charge of stocking up the snacks.

“And by that, I hope you mean . . . you and me,” Alexia stuttered, leaning against the kitchen counter, waiting for you to fill your bowl with popcorn.

Your lips curved up. “Yes, I mean me and you. Just me and you.”

Your captain grinned too, like a devious little kid. “Good. Just making sure.”

“¿Qué diablos está tardando tanto? (What the hell is taking so long?)” Patri called from the living room. “¡Más te vale no estar besándote en mi cocina! (You better not be making out in my kitchen!)”

You let out a surprised laugh, as Alexia cursed under her breath, wishing silently that the girls in the living room would just shut up and stop snickering. Once the bowls in your hands were filled to the brim, you turned to her with a knowing look.

“I wouldn’t have minded, you know.”

“Mind what?”

“If we were making out,” you said before leaving Alexia in the kitchen to soak in your words.

She found a seat next to you after taking a minute to calm her racing heart so that you wouldn’t notice how crazy you drove her. She felt like a teenage girl having a silly crush, but there was nothing silly about the way you looked at her. And when you put your head on her shoulder midway through the movie, she knew she was gone. Patri saw it too across the couch apparently, and her knowing grin made Alexia want to bury herself inside a hole. While she wasn’t particularly into romcoms, she was already looking forward to watching Mean Girls with you, her fleeting heart hammering in its cage at the thought of getting you alone again.

After.

The silence was deafening. You didn’t dare to look over to Alexia to gauge her reaction. The screen continued to play the movie, blissfully unaware of an earthquake that had suddenly roared to life in the space on the couch between you and Alexia.

You swallowed. She hasn’t spoken for hours.

Then, she turned to you and said, “Okay.”

Okay.

You drew a sharp breath and nodded with finality. “Okay.”

The movie was still playing, though. It was one of your favorites, but it made you cry every time you watched it because you were so touched by the story and its main characters. It was about a man—grief-stricken with the loss of his relationship—who decides to get his memories of his girlfriend wiped, but during the process, he relives everything he shared with her and slowly rues his decision. You used to enjoy it because their story was fictional, but now it all felt like one big joke, like you were one of the characters in the movie, inching towards a certain endgame that you couldn’t escape.

You wondered if there were a different script written out for you and Alexia.

“Let’s finish the movie though, yeah?” She said, finally looking over to you.

You hadn’t expected that look on her face when you looked back at her—it was something almost like desperation.

Like it meant something to her.

You nodded. It was the least you could do after dumping her. What kindness, after the neglect she had shown you, what kindness.

Before.

Alexia was shaking when she brought the two glasses of wine out to her living room, where you sat. Nala, the ever-excited little puppy that she was, followed her like a personal little cloud.

“I heard it was going to be a sad movie, so wine it is.” She said, handing you your glasses.

“It’s a cult classic, trust me. It’s one of my favorite movies ever.”

“Well, I liked Mean Girls, so I trust you.” The truth was, she would have watched any movie with you, as long as it was with you.

You were right, it was quite sad. When she looked over midway through the movie, she could see a glossy streak running down your face. You laughed it off and wiped your tears away, embarrassed that you had cried in front of her, but Alexia thought you were the prettiest.

With feather-light touches, she reached over and brushed the tip of her fingers over your cheekbone. She knew there was no going back if she went ahead with this. She wondered if there was a script written out for you and her already, and she was just following it on its path.

Her lips brushed against yours softly, and only once she felt that you started to kiss her back was she brave enough to put her hand around your waist and pull you closer.

You were grinning so wide when she pulled away, that she thought it might have been a prank and you were somehow in on it. But you put your arms around her neck and pecked her lips again.

Whatever script it was, Alexia was sure it would be one of fairy tale endings and happily ever after, because that is what you believe when you’re in love.

a/n: the movie is eternal sunshine of the spotless mind btw. made me ugly cry.

[vmqires]

sorrow. (l.hs)

pairing. ex! hee x fem reader ❦︎ exes to lovers ; non-idol au, a bit of angst n fluff. wc. 986 synopsis. heeseung’s forced to break up w u but the two of u never move on from each other.

a/n: this took so long, i was seriously debating deleting this and quitting forever LMAO but thankfully the amazing @soadparker (aka vic) gave me some ideas n that encouraged me to finish it >< this was obviously inspired by sorrow - flyleaf, which i totally recommend to listen to while reading.

sometimes life seems to quiet into paralyzing silence.

“what do you mean? you want to break up?” your eyes start to tear up.

“y/n.. it’s just not working out anymore.” heeseung looks away, fidgeting with his hands.

“what? what happened? what went wrong?” you stare at him in disbelief. just a few days ago he was in your arms, whispering that you’re his safe place and now he wants to break up?

“nothing went wrong. i just.. i need some time, for myself.” he gets up from the couch, looking at you one last time before leaving.

truth is heeseung didn’t want to break up with you. but after a very long argument with his very strict family, they forced him to. it broke him seeing you like that.

someone so perfect, heartbroken all because his family couldn’t stand the sight of you and him together.

i’ll take this piece of you, and hope for all eternity.

his parents constantly introduced him to girls that they thought were absolutely perfect for him. every time he went on a date with one of them, they all seem to fall short compared to you.

he misses you, a lot. hoping for one day his parents will back off, also hoping you don’t find someone new, someone maybe even.. better.

after a month since he broke up with you, you went to your best friend who comforted you.. just in a different way.

“get up, let’s go to the club.” she says, looking at you crying.

“the club? seriously? i’m heartbroken and you’re suggesting the club?” your friend rolls her eyes.

“he’s just a bump in the road amongst other bumps you’ll encounter. it’s not the end of the world.” you scoff, holding your pillow tighter. “he’s not a bump, he’s a mountain i can’t cross over.”

she sucks her teeth at your dramatic response. “girl shut the fuck up.”

he knew each tear before it came.

few months pass and you feel like you’re healing. seeing a new guy and although deep down somewhere in your heart you wish he was heeseung, you settle.

“babe! ready to go?” your new boyfriend yells from the kitchen. “just a sec!” you grab your keys and phone. today’s heeseung’s birthday, your calendar app reminds you.

as your boyfriend drives, you can’t help but think about heeseung and the many birthdays the two of you spent together. one specific comes to mind.

“open your eyes.” heeseung whispers in your ear. when you do, you’re met with a fort made of blankets, pillows, your favorite snacks and a projector playing your favorite movie.

that week had been hard for you. your manager at work on your ass, fighting with your parents again, grades falling behind, all you wanted to do was lay in his arms and the best of all, he knew that.

he knew you like no other. you tear up, and heeseung wipes it away as he cups your face.

“i know you had a hard week and i just want you to relax for your birthday so, i completed a few homework assignments and i called your parents.” you immediately pull him into a hug, a much needed hug.

just like the one you need right now. instead of heeseung, the wind wipes your tear away and your new boyfriend glances at you as he drives.

“everything okay?” you lift your head, giving him a weak smile.

“yeah everything’s fine.” he nods and smiles at you too.

if it were heeseung he would’ve already pulled over and pulled you onto his lap to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

and we kiss each other one more time.

heeseung was drowning. he needed an out and now. he wanted to text you, to see you again. god his heart ached every time he thought about you.

how the two of you would have fights but would never go to sleep angry at each other, how much he fell for you everyday, how you would snuggle closer to him.

the thoughts become overbearing and soon enough, he chooses you. over his family, over everything because you are his everything. he finally leaves home without a word or a letter.

as he settles into his new place, he debates calling you.

you, on the other hand, end up breaking up with your boyfriend after realizing maybe a part of you is still in love with heeseung. (you totally are.)

the week after that breakup, you head out to the city. window shopping, walking around, just to clear your head.

heeseung just so happened to be doing the same thing. minding his own business, going about his afternoon. then he stops in his tracks, eyes widen with tears threatening to spill out.

“y/n…” he lets out in a whisper, now almost sprinting towards you. you notice him, as soon as he takes you into his embrace. your world narrows down to just to two of you, like it used to. you pull away first.

“heeseung?” he immediately tears up again.

“i’m so sorry y/n. im so sorry for leaving you.” his heart is on fire, praying you’d take him back. “please let me make it up to you. let me explain everything.”

your own eyes start to water, smiling at him. “please..” he whispers, resting his forehead against yours.

without a doubt, you wrap your arms around his neck and pressed your lips on his. the kiss is gentle, full of warmth and love. your love.

“so is that a yes?” he murmurs against your lips then you laugh softly, pulling back. “yes. it’s a yes.” you reply, knowing your heart will always and forever be his, his alone.

just like his heart is yours.

[pupkashi]

movie nights

gojo satoru has developed a new weakness: romcoms

a/n: hi friends !! hope you are all well <3 just a quick little something I’ve been thinking of

wordcount: 1,138

masterlist

“okay give it one shot and i swear i will never ask you to watch a romcom ever again!” you’re pleading, seconds away from getting on your knees and waving your hands in the air, shouting a ‘please, please, please, please’ until he caves to your wishes.

“what’s it called again?” he’s sighing, already pulling the streaming app onto the tv as you’re grinning widely.

“crazy, stupid, love! you’re gonna love it i swear” you giggle, cuddling into his side as he run his fingers up and down your arm absentmindedly.

it’s only 10 minutes into the movie when you’re glancing at your boyfriend, biting back a grin when you see his eyes glued to his screen. you’re shocked when you hear a giggle from the 6 ft something man as ryan gosling flirts on screen.

“did you just giggle at ryan gosling?” you’re smiling and he only looks at you with one brow lifted. “you didn’t? it’s fuckimg ryan gosling” he emphasizes and you nod your head, “fair,” you reply settling back into his side as you two focus on the movie.

satoru is almost in tears by the end of the movie, a heartfelt smile on his face as he watches the ending unfold, giggling at the dialogue (or maybe ryan gosling).

“so what did you think?” you ask, grabbing the remote after the credits start rolling. your lovers unusual silence causes you to glance at him, bursting into laughter as you take in the pout on his lip and his expression of defeat.

“i cant believe i was wrong” he mumbles, “how can this happen to me, how could i be defeated?” he’s holding his head in his hands dramatically as you wheeze from laughter, squeaking a bit as you try to calm yourself down.

“does this make me the strongest” you laugh, shoving him lightly, his blue eyes narrow at you playfully, tackling you so he’s laying ontop of you, his bed resting in the crook of your neck as he’s sighing loudly.

“so what did you think” you smile, already knowing his answer. he’s not moving as his lips mumble against your skin, tickling you slightly and pushing him off you, “can’t hear you” you tease, satoru pouts a bit.

“it was amazing, it was real cinema” he sighs, his eyes screwed shut as he tries to force some tears out of his eyes.

“okay well what do you wanna watch now?” you ask, giving him the remote. satoru is quiet as he hands you the remote, not daring to look you in the eye.

“another one” he mumbles, trying his best to avoid your gaze.

“say that again?” you smile, there’s a shit eating grin on your face as he repeats the two words. “what happened to my satoru? the one who called romcoms the downfall of society?” you accuse, laughing as he rolls his eyes and gets off of you, pouting and sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

“people can change! I’m a changed man” he says, closing his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest. he still has a small pout on his soft lips, opening one eye to peak if you were staring at him, satisfied that you were he hugged once more.

“alright i believe you” you smile, moving so that your arms wrapped around his waist, squeezing a bit. “so i have like three other ones tied for second favorite of mine, let me show you” he’s paying attention to you now, eyes glued to the screen as you show him the previews for the movies.

“hm” he has a finger on his chin and his brows are furrowed, “i think i wanna watch 10 things i hate about you” you’re cheering as you press play, the two of you giggling to each other as you cuddle up, silent as the movie begins to play.

it had been only a couple days since that night, and satoru was off overseas on a mission, texting you more often than not and calling you anytime he could.

hey what’s the hbo password?

the sudden text catches you off guard, furrowing your brows as you reply, unlocking your front door.

*******

you can at least ask me about my day >:(

how was your day sweetheart <333 ??

the apple of my eye

my sweet sweet lover

you’re rolling your eyes, smiling and shaking your head at your boyfriends actions. curiosity gets the best of you, and soon enough you’re logging into hbo, going to satorus profile and your mouth is wide open.

Continue Watching: Confessions of a Shopaholic

you’re full on laughing, scrambling for your phone as you call your boyfriend.

“hi sweets can we talk in like… 47 minutes and 28 seconds?” his eyes flicking between his phone and the tv screen in his hotel room.

“why’s that?” You ask, your brow arched and suddenly he’s panicking a bit. “you’re too busy for me now? is that it?” your voice is stern and it’s taking everything for you to not burst into a smile.

“no! of course not sweetheart it’s just-” he’s pausing the movie, and you’re cutting him off before he can admit to his crimes.

“is it Rebecca Bloomberg? or are you too busy giggling over Luke? which is understandable by the way” you laugh, toppling over and wheezing as you see the utter shock on your lovers face.

“how did you- but- i can explain okay?” he’s speaking loudly, trying his best to save face and spewing all sorts of lies.

“-so when you think about it if i didn’t watch it the world would’ve burned!” he finishes after a second, you’re shaking your head at him.

“tell me what you think of the ending, I’m gonna make dinner and sleep, take care okay?” you’re saying your goodbyes as he blows a much too loud kiss to the camera.

when satoru returned from his mission he did what any sane man does. he walked into his home, kissed his wonderful, amazing, beautiful partner, order dinner for the two of you, and put on one of the movies he’d been dying to watch.

How to lose a guy in 10 days.

it was funny really, how many times you’d changed his mind on things he’d always sworn he hated. if anyone had told him he’d be in a stable loving relationship, watching romcoms deep into the morning he would’ve laughed at them in their face. if he’d been told he would like the way anyone cooked cauliflower or a variety of veggies he would’ve ignored them, calling them dirty liars.

yet there he was, watching romcoms with you until 4 am, having some dinner you’d cooked with a side of veggies that he absolutely devoured. and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

[alexfromjersey]

𝓛𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓓𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 & 𝓢𝓸𝓬𝓲𝓪𝓵 𝓜𝓮𝓭𝓲𝓪

jenna ortega x g!poc

summary: jah and jenna struggle with the long distance.

warnings: mature language, mentions marijuana

a/n: shortest chapter I ever wrote for this series but dont say I never gave yall nothing. ngl I be forgetting that I made Jah a streamer/influencer 😂. Imma start incorporating more like social media aspects to here cause this was fun

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

ONE WEEK LATER

“Yo I’m the greatest friend to ever walk planet Earth bruh. Davis finally let his balls drop and now him and Diana are going on a date together” You gushed to the brunette.

“Finally” Jenna chuckled.

It was currently 11 p.m. in London, which meant it was 6 p.m. in New York. Jenna just finished filming for the day and she needed to hear your voice. This is the first time in a week she's seen your face.

She was still on edge about Neil and hasn’t told you. She didn’t want to bring you into her mess and potentially end up finding out about her past. So she kept it to herself.

Your eyes were glued to the screen as you played Call of Duty, "Yeah I told him I'll help him plan his date since he wants to impress her."

"How sweet of you. I didn't know you had a sweet side to you sour patch kid" Jenna teased.

You stick your middle finger up at her to which she lets out a cute little giggle.

"So what's up with you? How filming going?" You asked and pushed your headphones behind your ears. Jenna had tried to stop the thoughts that ran through her mind a mile a second just now. But it was difficult when you looked good with a white tank top on displaying your tattoos, grey sweatpants, your chain dangling from your neck which she wants to grab at, and your glasses on.

After a moment, Jenna snapped out of her thoughts to answer your question, "It's going fine. Tim is forcing me to have a stunt double for the majority of my stunts which sucks because he don’t even know I’m pregnant" Jenna answered.

“Probably got that intuition” You shrugged.

“I guess. But other than that, filming is fine. Quiet little London Town that I can’t remember for the life of me” Jenna said and laid down in her bed. She let out a yawn.

“Go to sleep mamas. Call me when you get up” You said.

“No I wanna talk to you. I haven’t seen your face in a while” Jenna pouted.

You smiled, “But you need sleep. I know you probably have to get up mad early.”

“Yeah around like 4” Jenna sighed.

“See. Call me when you get me I’ll be up” You said.

"Okay," Jenna pouted. She hangs up the phone and turns over to stare at her ceiling.

She felt tears start to gather under her eyes but she quickly wiped them away. She was struggling with the just being friends with you. Each day, her feelings for you grow stronger but it was still something holding her back from pursuing you. She needed to figure it out quickly because she don’t know how much longer she can take it.

🤰🏻🩵

As the phone hung up, you let out a sigh and rubbed your face. You missed her badly. You wished you could just book a spontaneous flight over to London but you couldn’t…just yet.

You needed a distraction. You grabbed your phone and hopped onto your most used app, Twitter (you was not calling that shit X or whatever fuck Elon named. Fuck Elon Musk).

@bronxsheisty: can't wait for you to get home, we ain't got to go nowhere

Immediately, you started getting replies and quotes on your tweet.

@shiestylover: uh oh who’s this about 👀

@ghostridingwhip: jah is possibly taken? yeaaaaa let me go jump into oncoming traffic

@highondatgreen: it’s about me duh

@fnthechat: omg potential song lyrics! DROP THE SONG NOW

@modernbussywhip: i might have an idea and y’all never would of guessed it

@ghostridingwhip: oh do tell @modernbussywhip

@modernbussywhip: nah I need more evidence to support my claim but imma dm you my theory so far @ghostridingwhip

@bronxshiesty:

@modernbussywhip: oop-

@bronxshiesty: u should like share with the class @modernbussywhip

@modernbussywhip: i should share u with the class? couldn’t agree more

@bronxshiesty: oh that’s not- @modernbussywhip

@modernbussywhip:

@munchiesinmycrunchies: day 293792873 of asking for music

@ExclusiveShiestyUpdates: day 293792873 of waiting for an Instagram pic

@bronxshiesty: heard @ExclusiveShiestyUpdates

You exited out Twitter and went to Instagram. You found a pic you took yesterday and decided to post it.

bronxshiesty posted on Instagram after a while.

liked by jennaortega, davison, and 14,574 others.

bronxshiesty i was told to post on here so here u go

View all 9,836 comments

davison 🥶

↳ bronxshiesty u know the vibez

kaicenat god did

↳ bronxshiesty god did 🫣

elfanum big bronx all day 💯

↳ bronxshiesty everyday word 💯

↳ user3836 amp x shiesty collab?

↳ bronxshiesty @elfanum @kaicenat 👀

bbq.days i spy with my little eye a 5’1 boricua in the likes

kaydotnyc_ when u streaming

↳ bronxsheisty sometime tonite

mrenriquemelendez has started following bronxshiesty

aliyah.ortega has started following bronxshiesty

natalieortega1 has started following bronxshiesty

corneilo.millers has started following bronxshiesty

You don’t know what prompted you to click on Neil’s profile but you did. You saw that he was followed by Jenna and Jenna’s mother and he was a businessman. You followed back everyone and closed out your apps. Your eyes then glance down at the flyer on your coffee table. You grabbed it and exhaled deeply. You typed in the website in your phone and hit the registration button.

Here’s to opening more opportunities.

🤰🏻🩵

"I did it" You inhaled the smoke from the blunt. You leaned over and passed it to Davis who took it.

"Did what?" Davis questioned.

"I signed up for the competition. I kept staring at it on my table and just said fuck it" You shrugged and fixed your pants that were riding up your legs.

"Aye let's go" Davis cheered. He dapped you up to which you rolled your eyes at him with a smile.

"You need a musical stage name. You already got a streamer name but it won't be catchy or marketable to the music industry" Davis stated.

"I was thinking just Jah" You answered.

Davis puffed out a cloud of smoke, "Just Jah? I mean it flows sorta...Just Jah or JJ. It's aight"

"No dumbass I mean just my name Jah" You laughed.

"Oh! You could get away with it" Davis said. You knew he was high as a kite right now cause he started acting slower than usual when he was intoxicated.

The two of you then hear a ding from your phone. You grabbed it and saw it was a video from Jenna. You click on it and it starts with her showing her belly.

"Officially 14 weeks pregnant and the baby is the size of a navel orange," Jenna said and showed her belly. It was protruding more now but she was still able to hide it. Only if you got super close to her stomach you'll see she's pregnant but ain't nobody getting that close to her. "I want some oranges now. My appetite has skyrocketed now but luckily my boobs are not as tender anymore, thank god-"

In the background, you heard someone call Jenna's name. She sighed before turning back to the camera, "I have to get back on set but I just wanted to give you a quick update on us. I miss you and two months need to come quicker" Jenna said and kissed the camera. You smiled at the video and rewatched it again.

NYC 🩵:

miss you too 😘❤️

i also want some oranges now

"You know for two people to say that they’re just friends. Yall sure do act like a couple." Davis asked.

“No we don’t. Two friends can’t say they miss each other now” You questioned.

“I’m not talking about that. It’s your body language and the way you act around each other that’s unfriendly like” Davis said.

You suck your teeth, “You go to Hollywood and become an expert in body language and shit.”

“I’m just saying. The two of you need to stop whatever the fuck this is and just get together.” Davis shrugged.

You sighed, “You don’t think I want that. I haven’t been in a relationship in mad long. But something feels different with her like different in a way I never felt in a relationship before. I miss her being around, talking to her, and even just showing her around the Bronx. It's weird feeling this way...a good weird.” You finished off the blunt in your hand.

"It's called love nigga" Davis laughed.

“Alright let’s settle down. That’s a big word to be assuming” You said.

Davis chuckled, “Have your ever been in love before?”

You open your mouth to answer yes but you stop yourself and really think if you actually been in love or not. Sure you’ve been in relationships with girls before but they never made you feel like this. You never felt this way about a girl before.

“I’m guessing that’s a no” Davis chuckled.

“Shut up” You grumble and placed your hands in your pants. You get comfortable on your couch letting the effects of the marijuana relax your mind and body. Davis started drifting off to sleep next to you. But suddenly, your mind starts to overthink about the prior conversation.

Shit, now this was gonna be on your mind all night.

🤰🏻🩵

a/n: i want someone to take care of me like that black woman be taking care of her pitbull on TikTok

taglist: @grandpatrolnut @raven-ss @fanboy7794 @morganismspam23 @cinffy23 @darklron @cheesybacon1 @octavias-next-meat-bite @playboysaleen @niqmandu @zaclewiss @yescruzzzzzzz @silentfor @gemz5 @alwaysdangerouschild @onceblinkarmyandmore @melonfruit442 @zataracloud @nepobaby08 @jennasslut @rimaybank @jaewu @j3nc0re

[candy-cloud-system]

I have Never seen an endo shit on traumagenic systems - i have seen them shit on people discrediting their experiences but its wild that ur acting like a victim when ur the one being weird. Psychology largely agrees that we do not know enough abt the human brain - specific dissociative disorders - to claim they can Only be caused one way. Also forcing people to reflect on if they're traumatized or not just for them to be "allowed" to use system terminology is Wild - even if every single system is caused by trauma, so many traumatized people have no recollection of the trauma. This isnt black and white and youre silly for caring so much abt internet strangers repressed memories or lack thereof 🩷

First off, learn to read . D N I. Means DO NOT INTERACT! I don’t understand what’s so hard about that, literally you have to go through the effort to read a whole message that’s literally saying don’t interact, go to my account, which tells you not to interact, and then type a whole message and never once do you think “oh! I’m breaking DNI! I’m crossing boundaries! Hm! Maybe I shouldn’t do that!”

So I’m gonna be a bitch to you now cus you broke my DNI and I’ve already stated I’d start being a bitch to people who do that

“I’ve never seen endos shit on traumagenic systems 🥺🥺🥺” okay explain the constant death threats we get. Explain the people LIKE YOU! Who break DNI to tell us shit we literally do not want to hear, explain the people who go into our comment and tell us to off ourselves, call us names, make up slurs. Tell us no one loves us and everyone will leave. Do you understand how fucking stupid you sound?

Traumagenic systems get SOOOO much bullshit from endos and that’s why it’s such a problem. They bully trauma survivors and victims, making them spiral and feel like fucking shit because they didn’t want people mocking a disorder that makes their lives harder. The amount of times I’ve seen endos telling traumagenic systems to die simply because they fucking EXISTED is fucking insane.

Even if you could be a system without trauma, you wouldn’t be in the same groups as us, you wouldn’t have the same terms you wouldn’t be classified with the disorder. Because our disorder stems from TRAUMA! You have to have trauma.

You can have trauma you don’t remember, BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE YOU AN ENDO. It makes you a traumagenic system who doesn’t remember their trauma! You guys fucking groom people into believing their trauma isnt enough or that they’re endo because they can’t remember and it fucking disgusts me.

I’m not making people reflect on their fucking trauma, IM TRYING NOT TO GET HARASSED FOR MINE.

FUNFACT. I AM A VICTIM! I GET HARRASED BY ENDOS FUCKING ALMOST DAILY AT THIS POINT! IM ACTIVELY TELLING YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE CONSTANTLY BECAUSE YOU GUYS CANT FUCKING READ THREE LETTERS !

I AM TIRED OF COMING ON THIS APP AFTER WISHING I DIDNT GO THROUGH THE SHIT I GO THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS DISORDER AND SEEING SOME RANDOM ASS KID SAYING HOW THEYRE GONNA MANIFEST A SYSTEM FOR THEMSELF. IF YOU FUCKING “CREATE” A “SYSTEM” BECAUSE YOU WANT ONE. FUCK YOU. ACTUALLY FUCK YOU. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I HATE YOU. AND I HAVE ALL RIGHTS TO HATE YOU.

“You’re so silly for caring 🥺🥺🥺🥺” I CARE BECAUSE I GET HARRASSED TO THE POINT OF SPLITTING OR HAVING CRASHES DUE TO OUR BPD AND NPD. I GET FUCKING HARASSED UNTIL I CANT TAKE IT. THATS WHY I TELL YOU TO NOT FUCKING INTERACT.

Get off my fucking blog. Never come back. Endos and their supporters are NOT fucking welcome here. Respect my fucking DNI.

[artist-issues]

Hello! I am Catholic artist who is currently writing a story and reading your commentaries on other people’s work I’m starting to wonder if I am actually writing my story the best way that I can. I’m starting to wonder whether or not the story I am writing has a good moral message to begin with, or even one that would make sense. I’m really struggling with this, and I want to tell this story, but I don’t know if the message I’m trying to communicate is the right one anymore. I don’t know whether I should change it or not, and if I do change it, what to change it to. I don’t know how much experience you have with writing, but I wanted to ask you what is your opinion on what the best way is for a story to communicate its lessons, and also how to come up with good themes in general and be able to tell when the one you originally had planned was too weak for the story you wanted to tell.

What do you do when you want to (or you’re thinking about) changing the meaning of your story? Where do you go from there?

I think…sometimes you just have to pick the thing you want to say and make the necessary sacrifices.

There’s lots of ways to say a message like, “Faith Triumphs Over Fear.”

You could say it with a farm boy who chooses to stop running toward his own ability to protect what he fears to lose, and instead, lets a Higher Power do the protecting.

You could say it with a tragically powerful war hero who, despite all his strength, can’t save everyone, and instead of trusting a Higher Power with what he can’t do, he burns the world down trying to make up for what he can’t, out of fear.

You could say it with a princess who’s kingdom is burnt to the ground, and who could choose to give up and believe there’s nothing worth fighting for; but instead she finds ways to go on because she trusts in a Higher Power to win in the end, even if she can’t force it to happen.

You could say it with a ragged punk who’s only out for himself, but when he sees how hard better people are willing to fight for what they believe in, he starts to catch onto their faith instead of fearing for his own skin all the time, and finds out it’s a better way to live.

You could say it with a deposed government official who lost everything at the height of his influence, and has to learn patience in exile, patience to pass on what he knows of failure, and trust the Higher Power to do what he couldn’t do even at his most powerful.

I think you get it, I just described to you Star Wars.

Now, that’s all one franchise, but it’s actually lots of little or long stories interwoven together. And each one starts at a different place, with a character of a different age or walk-of-life, and they go through different turns of events and choose to respond to those events in all different ways. Lots of stories. But they’re all different ways to say “Faith Triumphs Over Fear.” One of them is even a cautionary tale about what happens if you don’t believe that.

Lots of ways to say one message.

So you can change the message if you want to. But my question to you would be, why do you think you have to? If Star Wars can come up with twenty different types of stories and characters to say one message, what is it about yours that doesn’t lend itself to your own message?

Find that out.

I think it’s okay to change a message if you find that it wasn’t Good, Beautiful, or most importantly, TRUE. If you say something that’s not true, it’s a waste.

But if your original message is good, beautiful, or true, why change it? I find myself wanting to change my messages for two reasons.

1. The message I thought I was saying wasn’t clear or accurate enough.

For example, I have a Wish Rewrite in my notes app and for the longest time the new message was ““Have Faith and Even More Than What You Wished For Will Come True.” But that’s not what I really meant to say, and so when I was writing the characters, they didn’t fit. I had an Asha who I envisioned as kind of glum and closed off—I was writing her as if she would go FROM “never trying too hard to make anything happen” TO “daring-to-dream.”

But that didn’t fit the original message, because the original message was too broad. Because it has that whole “and even more than what you wished for” part, which implies that the character is wishing for something. Which is not the Asha-version I was drawn to. Again, the version I was drawn to was “refuses to wish.”

For that message, a character like Tiana would’ve fit better—a character who does dream, but does so with no faith, just hard-work. And that’s not the rewritten-Asha that I was warming up to.

So I changed, or rather, honed down the message to “Wishes made in faith can come true.” Ah, now the story is about a character who doesn’t believe wishes can come true at all, and the ingredient she’s missing is faith. Well, then, all the other parts of the story I was struggling with fall into place. Because I honed it down in a way that I could re-focus on, it freed up the parts of my brain that couldn’t figure out what the story needed.

Now that it was about a clearer message, I could focus better and think, “okay, well if wishes made in faith can come true, we need to define what she’s not daring to wish for, that she should wish for.”

Into place clicks something that the main character wants and knows would be good, but won’t admit that she wants it, because she doesn’t believe wishes can come true. Into place clicks who the Star-Boy character should be in order to draw that out of her. Into place clicks what might’ve happened in Asha’s childhood to keep her from believing wishes can come true—and right after that, who her family is clicks easily into place.

So that’s one reason I might “change” the message—just re-phrasing it or eliminating some nuance in order to help myself, and by extension, the story, focus a bit more.

2. I let myself get too attached to the “Fun Stuff” of the story, until the “Fun Stuff” cluttered-up and crowded-out the message.

This one I actually don’t struggle with often because I’m a control-freak, so I’m constantly outlining how everything ties back into the message. My particular weakness is “having fun while storytelling,” I’m not good at that.

But sometimes it does happen! I’m in the middle of writing a sci-fi thing and the message is good, but I haven’t been able to figure out how to write one of the characters. I know it’s because I’m too attached to this version of her who’s like, sassy, but with a protective mom-heart. I like that characterization.

But what I need her to be in the story is actually pretty dark. And that dark-story-reason is why I added her character in the first place. The problem is, her compassionate-sassy-mom personality and motivations don’t match up with the dark thing I originally intended her to do.

So—AND HERE’S THE MEAT OF THE POST—I have a decision to make.

Am I going to sacrifice the thing that I like about this character and find something else that works and supports the message—

—or am I going to stall out and basically give up on writing it because I keep shying away from making the big change, because I don’t want to let the character go?

Because I can’t force the character I like into the role that the story needs. Not in this case. So I can either choose the message, or the Fun Stuff.

Obviously I believe you should choose the message. Because your tastes are wide-ranging, like the cast of Star Wars characters and their stories. I can find another characterization that I like—one that fits the story better. It just takes harder work, and a little sacrifice of the Fun-Thing that I was attached to. But honestly, is this about me, or the audience? That’s what it all boils down to.

I wish I could help more, but without knowing your story I’m not sure if this was answering your question at all. To sum up, I’d say:

Is your message good, beautiful, or true?

Do the characters, setting, and events in your story fit the message and help support it?

Figure out where the problem is and then stop-and-fix, or else you’ll start spinning your wheels and not finish. That’s been my experience!

Thank you for asking! I am not an expert.

[crocobuggy]

✹ private tutoring ; marco

content warnings: student/professor relationship, facials, creampie, reader being extremely horny ✹ read on ao3 ✹ (will add later since as of now, ao3 is down) author’s note: writing abt marco as a way to cope with the fact that i have the most ridiculous crush one one of my professors and it makes me want to explode

Marco knew.

It would, in fact, be very hard for him not to know, with the way he noticed the glances you occasionally gave him during classes. 

He couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy it, though. 

The blond would give you an occasional smile, sometimes a wink, if he felt particularly in the mood that day. He’d sometimes give lectures wearing almost half-unbuttoned shirts, and you’d steal glimpses of his toned, tattooed chest, thinking of how your hands would feel wandering around his body. 

But what you didn’t know was that it was almost painful for him to resist you. You were just so sweet, and the way you’d instantly start fidgeting and look away whenever he’d tell you how great you were doing at his class or how you got the best grades out of everyone in your classroom tugged at his heartstrings. He wished he could get on his knees and spend the day worshiping you, telling you how beautiful you looked and how glad he was to have you as his student.

Except he couldn’t. 

And the man’s professional ethics were currently being put to test yet again as you sat by his side and he gave you another explanation of the current subject, your shoulders almost touching and the scent of your perfume reaching his nostrils. “I… I’m sorry, Marco. I just can’t seem to focus today.” You stare at the classroom’s closed door absentmindedly, listening to the occasional muffled noises of students passing by and talking. “It’s just… I’m kinda tired. I’m sorry I made you stay after class for this, I just needed to refresh my mind a little bit.”  Marco leans against his chair and frowns as you say this, putting one of his legs over the other and staring at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Is something going on? You seem very tired, yoi.” Although he was undeniably very attracted to you, he was also extremely concerned for your wellbeing, and regarding you, that would come before anything for him. You nod, leaning on the table and looking at him. “I just had a really intense week. I could use some rest and all.” He looks at you and hums, closing the textbook and giving it back to you. “You shouldn’t force yourself into studying and staying after class hours if you’re not well-rested, yoi. You should go home and rest.” He ponders for a few seconds as he puts away his things. “Do you want a ride, yoi? The subway gets really crowded at this hour.” 

You freeze as he says this, an embarrassed smile making its way into your features. “I… I could use a ride, yeah.” You start putting away your materials and stand up from the table, leaning against the wall near the door as you wait for him. “Come with me.” He mutters, before turning off the lights, closing the door to the classroom and grabbing his car keys. “Seriously, Reader. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself. And as a doctor, you’ll need to keep that in mind, yoi.” You nod as you follow him to the parking lot and he opens the car’s passenger door for you. Damn, he’s a gentleman too. “Thanks.” He gets in the driver’s seat and hands you his phone with the Waze app opened so that you can put your address in it. “Tell this Uber driver where we’re headed, yoi.” You chuckle before typing it in and handing him back his phone. He checks it and gives you a smile. “That’s actually pretty close to where I live, yoi. Kinda surprises me that we never ran into each other while grocery shopping or something.” 

Your heart skips a beat as he says this, biting your lip as you notice maybe Marco is much more accessible to you than you thought he could ever be. “You’re right. Or maybe we just never thought we’d be that close to each other is all.” He gives a small smile at this before turning on the radio, the low music filling the small space of the car as you zone out staring through the window. You didn’t lie to him, you really could use some rest. But now that you got some alone time with him, the last thing you could think of was rest. “You okay there? You look like your mind is on another planet, yoi.” You smile softly at him and nod. “Yeah, professor. I’m just really tired because we had a lot of assignments to hand in this week. All I want to do is to go home and pet my cat.” The blond sends an amused glance your way as you mention your cat. “You have a cat? What’s it called, yoi?” Your heart flutters in your chest as you think of your cat. “His name’s Gnar. He’s a big, fat, stupid orange boy.” 

Marco barks out a laugh as he listens to your description of the poor animal. “Poor thing.” You grin as you look out the window, trying to ignore the fact that you’re just a few blocks away from your apartment complex and just enjoy this moment with him in silence.

The few following minutes you spend in silence are excruciating, feeling like an eternity but also passing much faster than you’d like them to. When you come back to planet Earth, you’re in front of your apartment complex and Marco has parked his car to drop you off, giving you a gentle smile. “Here you are, yoi. Now go and get some rest.” You look out the front window and start fidgeting with your fingers. “Thanks for the ride, professor.” You pause, trying to think of anything else to say. “Uh… do you want to come in and have some coffee? You’ll also have the chance of petting a fat and stupid orange boy.” 

Marco’s eyes widen slightly at your request and he feels his heart thump in his chest. You’re his student, damn it. If his superiors knew about this, he’ll be done for.

But it’s just this once, he tells himself. 

No one needs to know, he thinks, before smiling at you and nodding. “I’ll take you up on that offer, yoi. I could use coffee and some time with a fat cat.” Your heart skips a beat as he accepts your offer. Fuck, this is really happening. Your hot college professor is seriously going to your house over some coffee and your fat cat. You get out of the vehicle and Marco follows after you, pressing a button on a remote control to lock the car’s doors. As the two of you go into the building and then glance awkwardly at each other inside the elevator, you can feel your chest flutter and a familiar warmth finding its way between your legs. “I’m sorry if my apartment’s messy. I haven’t got any visits in… a while.”  He shakes his head, looking at you through half-lidded, tired eyes. “Don’t worry about it, yoi. I’ve been your age before.” 

You open the elevator’s door when you get to your floor and start fumbling with the keys to your apartment, and as soon as you take the keys out of your purse, you can hear loud meowing coming from inside your apartment and Marco’s giggling. “Someone sure does seem really happy to have you back home, yoi.” You snort and make a gesture for him to come in just before Gnar runs out the door and rubs himself against your legs. “Come on, fat boy. Let’s get inside, we’ve got a visitor.” 

Marco looks around your apartment. It’s small, but it feels homey. In your living room, there’s a couch, facing a small television perched upon a low table, a bookshelf filled with books of all sorts and a few fine art prints hanging on the walls. “It’s pretty, yoi. Matches your personality.” You feel heat rise to your cheeks as you hold Gnar on one arm and use your other arm to close the door. “Make yourself at home. I’ll go make us some coffee. Gnar, be nice to him.” You put the fat creature on the floor and go to the kitchen as it makes its way to Marco, who’s now sitting on the couch.  

You actually have to pause a minute to recover yourself as you get in the kitchen and grab two small ceramic coffee cups, setting them on the sink as you fumble with the coffee machine. 

Your professor is currently sitting on your couch, being smelled by your cat, as you make the two of you some coffee. And not just any professor, it’s your extremely hot professor that you’ve had a crush on for God knows how long. 

Damn it, Reader. You thirsty bitch. You know damn well you don’t want to treat this man to coffee.

Well, at least not just coffee.  

You keep thinking about how you’re actually a complete pervert as you put the two cups under the coffee machine and wait for it to come out, grabbing a jar of starch biscuits and taking it to the living room to place it on the table. When you get to the living room, however, you’re greeted by the sight of Gnar kneading on Marco’s lap, rubbing his cheeks against the red frame of his glasses. 

Oh my God.

Your professor is being kneaded on by your fat cat as if he were one of your long-term friends or something.

“I think your cat likes me, yoi.” Says Marco, clearly amused at the whole situation. You feel utterly mortified at what’s happening, but you figure you can’t really stop any of it. You muffle your laughter as you scurry back to the kitchen and bring Marco a cup of steaming hot coffee. “Thanks, yoi. Now I just have to figure out how to drink coffee with this sweet, big dude on my lap.” Take me on your lap instead, you think to yourself, looking at the man’s blue eyes. “Good luck.” You say as you lean against the couch, crossing your legs. The blond decides on letting Gnar stay on his lap, leaning against the couch and looking at you as he takes a sip of his coffee. “I really needed this, yoi. It’s not just you students who have a hard time at college, you know.” You nod and look at him with genuine interest. “Remember when some students got some corpse parts from the anatomy lab and took them home to study, yoi? Because I sure do.” You laugh loudly at the memory, leaning your head against the couch’s back and looking at Marco with adoration. 

He feels a pang on his chest as you look at him like that, leaning his head on the couch and looking at you as he sips on his coffee. Sure, he’s never had a particularly personal conversation with you, but he knew some of you. How much you loved cats, hated how dry your hands would become after wearing gloves for too long, how you liked wearing crocs around campus even when you weren’t going to the hospital just because they were extremely ugly. Mundane, impersonal things. 

But part of him always wished he knew more. 

And it seemed like that part of him was taking over as he started leaning his head towards yours, your foreheads slowly touching. He felt Gnar slide slowly down his lap before the cat decided to jump down and the blond managed to spare a quick glance before redirecting his attention to you. You could smell each other’s perfume and the scent of coffee on each other’s breath, and after what seemed like an eternity, your lips brushed lightly against each other. 

It was electric, in all senses of the word. 

You felt a pang inside your chest before pulling away. It felt like an electric shock and you jumped back, drinking another gulp of your coffee before putting the cup on the table as if trying to convince yourself that you weren’t dreaming. Meanwhile, Marco didn’t know what to do with himself, looking at you with wide eyes as he ran a hand through his blond locks. “Professor, I—“ 

“Don’t.” He says as he sets his cup on the table and pulls you in for what you’d call an actual kiss, licking your lower lip and putting one of his arms around your shoulder. “I’ve wanted this for so long, yoi—“ He pauses and lets out a groan as you bite his lower lip and tangle your hands on his hair. “Professor… I never… I never thought—'' He chuckles. “You’re so clueless, Reader. I’ve wanted this for so long, yoi. I just never thought we’d ever have an opportunity to-–” You cut off his words with a kiss while slowly climbing onto his lap, unbuttoning his shirt and running your hands up and down his chest, tattooed skin feeling satin smooth under your fingers along with thick blonde hair. Marco shivers under your touch, and you figure maybe it’s been a while since he’s done this. “Reader– oh–” You smirk as you fondle his nipples slowly but firmly, watching him throw his head back. “Are you sure, yoi? I’m your professor and I’m much older than you.” 

“I know,” you mutter, your lips gently.grazing his own. “And that’s why I want you, professor.” Marco groans at your words, rolling his hips to try and somehow stimulate himself, earning a moan from you. You take this as a chance to grind against the blond before standing up and looking down at him, and you can see the confusion in his gaze. “Why did you stop? Changed your mind, yoi?” Before you say anything, you drop to your knees and start unzipping his pants only to pull them down to his knees along with his underwear, and you salivate as his dick springs free. The length is average, but he’s thicker than any other of the guys you’ve been with. You wink at him before giving a slow lick from his balls all the way up to his blushed tip, looking him in the eyes. “Shit…” He puts his hand on the back of your head, encouraging you to keep going, and at this, you take as much of his length as you can, jaw aching slightly due to his girth. 

“Feels so good, Reader. You really are my best student, yoi.” You can feel your hole clench at his words as you keep on stimulating him with your mouth and tongue, giving his tip a few rough licks and occasionally pressing open-mouthed kisses to his length. His moans start to get more and more high-pitched as his sensibility heightens and he starts slowly thrusting into your mouth, gently enough not to make you gag, but roughly enough for your spit to drip down your chin. You feel him throb as he gives your mouth a few more thrusts before pulling out. However, before he can say anything, he comes, the thick, white liquid spraying over your face. You open your mouth as soon as you feel the first few spurts hit your face and smile as you see Marco’s eyes go wide, licking a bit of his release from your plump lips. “I’m sorry, I haven’t done this in… a while, yoi.” He looks extremely embarrassed, and you can’t blame him. You thought he would probably get more action than you believed he did, but maybe he didn’t have much time for it. 

“Can you take some more, professor?” Marco nods before letting out a sigh and leaning against the back of the sofa. “Just… give me a few minutes to recover, okay?” The man pets your hair as you lay your cheek against his thigh, smiling at him as if you were in a trance. You’ve thought of having him all to yourself many times, but you never thought it would actually happen, especially not right after finding out he lives so close to you. You stand up to sit on his lap, slowly rubbing your wetness against his length, only to feel it start to harden again as he lays his head back. “You’re a real menace, Reader. I would’ve never guessed my best student was also the best at such filthy things.” His hands slide down to your ass and knead on it slowly, then slide up to your love handles and lower belly. “God…” You feel the blond start grinding his dick against your drenched pussy, teasing your folds slowly with his tip, and let out a low groan. “Fuck, professor—“ At this, you feel one of his large hands sneak between your legs and circle your clit as he looks at you teasingly. “Professor, please, please, please—“ 

And then, he can’t hold back anymore. 

He pushes two thick fingers inside you and curls them towards himself, looking for your G-spot. “You’re so wet. Do you get this wet whenever you’re at my lectures too, you minx?” You nod, biting your lip and looking down at him through half-lidded eyes. Two of his fingers thrust against your G-spot slowly as his thumb gently circles your clit, earning sighs effortlessly. He massages your sensitive spot a while more before pulling his fingers out and groaning as he licks them clean. “You taste just as amazing as I thought you would, yoi–” He then pauses and his hand directs itself to his hardening length, lining it up with your entrance. You don’t give him the time to thrust himself into you as you sink yourself on his dick. biting your lip and looking at his widened eyes. “It’s okay, professor-” you let out a moan as you move your hips against his. “I’m on birth control– fuck–” Marco nods and gives your asscheeks a firm slap, digging his fingers on the soft skin. “Say my name, yoi—“ The blond’s nails will probably leave crescents on your skin later as he sinks them on your buttocks, moving you up and down his thick length. You bite your lip and look at him, teary-eyed from the stimulation. “Oh, Marco!” 

Soft, full lips press against your skin as he smirks, never ceasing his movements as he has his way with you, whispering praises and hands occasionally stroking your thighs. “Reader, I– I’m close again, yoi–” He murmurs against your skin, slowing down to try and keep himself from reaching his limit and you think for a few seconds before giving a devilish smirk. “Come inside me, Marco.” You’d fantasized about this so many times, his skilled hands exploring every inch of your body, plump lips against yours, blue eyes staring at you as if you were the only person on Earth. His moans snap you out of your trance, as he’s clearly unable to hold back anymore. “Oh, shit, I’m gonna come again–” And you feel him throb inside you as he empties himself for the second time, now inside you. “Sorry, yoi. You didn’t even get to finish yet.” He looks to the side, seemingly embarrassed, but you give his cheek a kiss and flash him a smirk.

“Don’t worry, professor. You’re not leaving this private tutoring session too soon.”

[tightjeansjavi]

Reflections for 2024

So, this year…it’s been a lot, yeah?

I feel like I have been on this constant ebb and flow of emotions all year. I have spent more times crying and struggling with my sense of self and purpose, than the time I have spent living.

This isn’t to say that there haven’t been good moments, because there have been, I just feel incredibly lost in life.

I have this melancholy feeling when it comes to my space here, within not just one community, but multiple. This is no one’s fault, as we’re all constantly changing—for the better, or for the worst. That is just what happens in life. I have gone from primarily writing Joel x reader and mostly smut, to stepping away from reader all together and writing original character inserts instead.

I don’t regret making this change because there were moments where I was forgetting who I was writing for: myself. I believe I am not alone in this feeling because we, as humans, seek validation whether we are open to admitting it or not. (There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel validated and appreciated)

But I personally struggled with accepting the fact that I did seek that validation through my writing. Numbers don’t matter—but who are we really fooling? When a fic of mine did well, man, I felt like I was invincible. And I think that feeling consumed me, truly. (Inflated ego. I won’t deny it)

and then there was the guilt—the guilt of not posting as much, not interacting on the same level as I once was. I felt guilty if I let something sit in my inbox for too long or if I didn’t answer a comment right away (if at all) and guilt harbors feelings of negativity. This is when I found myself beginning to stray from writing and being in this community all together. (There’s more, but I’m not going to rehash every detail) and I contemplated deactivating all together, but I could never push that button, which, maybe makes me a coward because in the grand scheme of things, this is just an app. It’s a silly little hellsite, but it’s more than that. It means something to me. And the thought of losing that part of myself made me feel sick.

I did realize that I needed to make a change, and so I took some time away from this space, came back, left again and I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt. I stopped checking to see if mutuals were in fact still my mutuals. I stopped worrying if people liked me, I stopped thinking about the things I have no control of, and once I made that change, I started to feel a lot better.

And now, well, I feel indifferent, but also at peace? I don’t know how to conceptualize my feelings into one sentence, but what I can say is that I feel a lot better than I did around this time last year.

I cannot promise that I will ever revisit x reader, but I don’t see myself giving up on writing. I’m still working on my Marcus Acacius fic which I actually intend to hopefully turn into a book (fingers crossed) it’s truly challenged me as a writer, and has forced me to stick with something for a period of time and not just recklessly abandon like my graveyard of WIPS 🪦

Anyway, I have so much love for you all, truly. Thank you for reading my stories, and listening to me yap, and have my moments, and continue to love me, because maybe you see apart of yourselves in me, and my characters. Or you just relate to my human experience. Whatever the reason may be, I’m forever grateful.

I wish you all warm holiday season, and a happy new year.

-Gi

[mariacallous]

In the days since four Tajikistani citizens were arrested in connection with Friday’s terrorist attack at a Moscow concert hall, people with Central Asian ancestry, already frequent targets of racism in Russia, have been facing a new wave of hatred and aggression. The country’s security forces have reportedly begun treating people with “Asian features” with increased suspicion, while some Russian citizens have started refusing to ride with taxi drivers from Tajikistan. Meanwhile, according to the Telegram channel Baza, Tajik community leaders have advised diaspora members to avoid going outside at night for their own safety, and employees of a barbershop where one of the alleged terrorists worked for less than three months have received a flood of threats. Meduza shares examples of this unwarranted hostility.

‘I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do’

On the day after the terrorist attack at Moscow’s Crocus City Hall concert venue, Telegram channels began posting the names of suspects who had been arrested while allegedly trying to flee to Ukraine. One of them, 19-year-old Muhammadsobir Fayzov, had worked for several months at a barbershop in the town of Teykovo in Russia’s Ivanovo region. As soon as town residents learned of this, they began bombarding the barbershop’s employees with threats.

Screenshots shared by the Telegram channel Baza show users calling on people to storm the shop and burn down the homes of its employees. It’s unclear where these messages were left, but they appear to have been posted on an unofficial community page for the barbershop and later deleted.

On Sunday, the barbershop’s official page on the Russian platform VKontakte posted a message saying that a “wild hatred” had been “unleashed” on the establishment. “The manager and the owner are getting threatening phone calls, and people are leaving bad ratings and writing awful reviews,” read the post. According to the shop’s employees, Fayzov only worked there for a few weeks before he disappeared and stopped responding to its management. The message was later deleted, and the page is now private.

The barbershop’s director, Yamina Safiyeva, told journalists that its managers’ phones have been “ringing nonstop” with people calling with threats. “People are calling and wishing for my death. I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to go outside,” she said. Safiyeva also said the shop’s employees didn’t notice anything unusual about Fayzov during his time there.

‘I’m not going with you’

In Yekaterinburg, according to the local news outlet It’s My City, police have begun conducting routine stops of men with “Asian features,” and the administration of at least one shopping center has asked its tenants for information about store employees from Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Kyrgyzstan.

Additionally, some taxi service users have been refusing to ride in vehicles with drivers from Tajikistan. Telegram channels and social media pages have published screenshots from taxi apps in which customers tell their assigned drivers to cancel the ride if they are from Tajikistan. “Hello, if you are Tajik, cancel the order, I’m not going with you,” reads one message.

The Telegram channel Baza has reported that Tajik community leaders in Russia have been advising diaspora members not to go outside at night and to avoid large public events. At the same time, according to the channel, some employers have asked workers from Tajikistan to provide them with updated personal information, including their passport data and residence.

On Monday, Kyrgyzstan’s Foreign Ministry issued a statement warning citizens against traveling to Russia and recommending that citizens currently in Russia keep their documents with them at all times.

Russian State Duma deputy Konstantin Zatulin has said that anybody calling for “pogroms and lynching” in the wake of the terrorist attack should be prosecuted for “provoking destabilization inside the country.” He warned that “dealing with migrants in this way” will “inevitably lead to escalation.”

[neapocream]

Tokyo ClassReunion Summoners

Prologue: The Return Part 1

~~~~~~~❀.:.♚.:.❀~~~~~~~

8 years… that how long it been since everything came to an end…

The war…the loop…the game…it was all over and now you were back home…in your original world.

You was glad that it was over, yet you was bought back to your world too soon. You remember your friends saying their goodbyes and some you didn’t even get the chance to. Going back was not an option no more and you slowly accepted that fact.

As life goes on so did you, you decided to lived your life and choose a path to walk on. So you decided to become a teacher just like him…Mr. Mononobe. A teacher who help their students and guide them to a path of their choice.

Speaking a Mononobe, you still remember his wish he wanted to see. The day you graduate yet sadly he won’t be able to see it.

Speaking of graduation, it was your day that you finally graduate. You spend 4 years in college and was able to pass your classes and now you’ll finally get to be rewarded with a piece of paper…back in Tokyo there was probably a couple of transients who was GIVEN the job without any requirements but oh well, nothing you can do about that.

During the whole Graduation you can’t help but feel lonely…

Everyone friends and families are here to support one another. But you? Yeah don’t really have a “family” to speak of at the moment, but you doing this for you. You want to at least attend and collect what you earn and move on.

At the end, you was alone getting ready to leave. When you notice something…or someone…

~~~~~~~❀.:.♚.:.❀~~~~~~~

(Name)’s POV

After talking to my classmates and said my farewell to all of them. I decided to go outside alone to get some peace and quiet.

Even though I was alone, I couldn’t help but feel a pair of eyes looking at me. As I turn around and see…

(Name): Oh…it happening again.

There stand a figure I know…someone who been showing up like he is actually there, but I know better than to believe since I can’t even touch him.

Mr. Mononobe…not the real one at least. The one standing before me is…not real. It more like an imaginary friend that show up and soon disappear.

(Name): Haunting me again I see, no matter how hard I try to forget you always show up whenever I made some sort of progress.

He didn’t say anything, not like I expected him too anyway. It irritate me to no end, to show up and mess with me, to mock me. The feeling like I had won’t go away and it hurt me deep. I want nothing more to go up and huge him, to feel to warm of his embrace. But I know I can’t no matter how hard I wish for it.

(Name): Please…stop showing up and messing with my head…my heart. I can’t take it anymore. It hurts seeing you, but I can’t help but want to see you and not just you. My friends…that I was force to leave behind. I want to see them all too, but I can’t. A bitter truth I have to swallow.

I couldn’t help but walk up to him with tears falling out of my eyes. My hand reach to touch his cheek.

(Name): Maybe…if there a chance. May there be a day I can once return to Tokyo and start over. Where everyone can meet the real me. Wouldn’t that be nice…

I slowly started to put my hand away, but I notice the figure of Mr. Mononobe starting to move his hand to my.

Mr. Mononobe?: Yes, it would be nice to meet you again, (Name).

He soon disappear leaving me with my own thought to process what just happen.He talk to me. For the first time in so long, I heard his voice that I missed so much.

(Name): …Please…come back.

I want to talk…even for a minute…

~~~~~~~❀.:.♚.:.❀~~~~~~~

The day soon come dark and now I spending my last night at the school in the dorms. Everyone already pack up and left or just hanging out one last time before handing their separate ways. I’m just end my room laying down and trying to forget what happen earlier today.

As I was about to sleep my phone suddenly ring. As I reach for it I notice it was a notification about an app that was downloaded…”NEO!SUMMONS”… what?

Before I can think of what to do a message soon pop up on my screen from the app.

Unknown: Hello (Name), I’m glad to finally reach you.

[beyondthedustjacket]

Book Survey

ORIGINAL BOOK TAG BY YEAROFTHEBIBLIOPHILE

FAVORITE CHILDHOOD BOOK?

Stellaluna by Janell Cannon

WHAT ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW?

A Fighting Chance by Elizabeth Warren

WHAT BOOKS DO YOU HAVE ON REQUEST AT THE LIBRARY?

The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han

BAD BOOK HABIT?

Dog-earing, I guess. I don’t consider it bad, but I know other people hate it! To me, it shows that my books are enjoyed and loved.

WHAT DO YOU CURRENTLY HAVE CHECKED OUT AT THE LIBRARY?

Everything I’m currently reading is from the library!

DO YOU HAVE AN E-READER?

I recently did a factory reset on an old tablet to download a bunch of book-centered apps (Storygraph, Libby, Audible, and others). Along with that, I have a Kindle.

DO YOU PREFER TO READ ONE BOOK AT A TIME, OR SEVERAL AT ONCE?

I’ve always read several books at once. Sometimes I want romance, other times I want nonfiction — depends on my mood.

HAVE YOUR READING HABITS CHANGED SINCE STARTING A BLOG?

I’ve been in a huge reading slump ever since I did my Dune challenge a few years ago, to be honest, so I haven’t been reading a lot for quite some time. However, one thing that has changed is that I’m not hard on myself about it like I used to be — no longer do I force myself to read when my heart isn’t in it.

LEAST FAVORITE BOOK YOU READ THIS YEAR (SO FAR?)

None of the books I read this year have been bad, so I don’t really have a solid answer for this one. Would that be a blessing or a curse?

FAVORITE BOOK YOU’VE READ THIS YEAR?

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

HOW OFTEN DO YOU READ OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE?

Not often. I know what I like, and I tend to stick with it.

WHAT IS YOUR READING COMFORT ZONE?

I’m a contemporary romance and fantasy girlie through and through.

CAN YOU READ ON THE BUS?

Absolutely not. I get so sick.

FAVORITE PLACE TO READ?

My bed! My sweet, sweet bed!

WHAT IS YOUR POLICY ON BOOK LENDING?

Only to people I trust with my life.

DO YOU EVER DOG-EAR BOOKS?

I didn’t realize this was a question, or I would’ve chosen a different answer for my book habits.

DO YOU EVER WRITE IN THE MARGINS OF YOUR BOOKS?

I only have a few books that I’ve done this with. Usually, I save annotations for when I’m rereading a book or if it’s something I’m really interested in.

NOT EVEN WITH TEXT BOOKS?

Yes! I did write in nearly every college textbook I had. It made it easier to study on certain occasions, especially if the class was difficult.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LANGUAGE TO READ IN?

I only know English and ASL. So, I suppose I have to say English.

WHAT MAKES YOU LOVE A BOOK?

Surprisingly, this is very difficult to answer. I guess, when I can envision myself in the story as the main character, or if I could imagine myself being in their world.

WHAT WILL INSPIRE YOU TO RECOMMEND A BOOK?

If I genuinely think the person I’m recommending it to will enjoy it. I rarely recommend books on a whim.

FAVORITE GENRE?

I love romance, fantasy, and dystopia. Also what I call “weird” books, where the story is overall bizarre when compared to what is typically released by traditional publishers.

GENRE YOU RARELY READ (BUT WISH YOU DID?)

I would say nonfiction is the genre I read the least, along with mysteries, thrillers, and horror. It’s not that I don’t enjoy these genres, of course. I just don’t gravitate towards them very often.

FAVORITE BIOGRAPHY?

I love that this question comes right after I said I don’t read a lot of nonfiction! My answer, though, would have to be I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy.

HAVE YOU EVER READ A SELF-HELP BOOK?

I think I’ve only read one in recent years, called You’re a Miracle (and a Pain in the Ass) by Mike McHargue. A former coworker and I had traded book recommendations, which is the only reason I read it.

FAVORITE COOKBOOK?

The Stardew Valley Cookbook by Eric Barone and Ryan J. Novak

MOST INSPIRATIONAL BOOK YOU’VE READ THIS YEAR (FICTION OR NONFICTION)?

The Wild Robot by Peter Brown

FAVORITE READING SNACK?

To be totally honest, cheese. You know those blocks of mild cheddar? Yep! Love it!

NAME A CASE IN WHICH HYPE RUINED YOUR READING EXPERIENCE.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald is the bane of my existence.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU AGREE WITH CRITICS ABOUT A BOOK?

I’m going to put this question in the context of my friends and booktubers because I don’t read or listen to reviews from anyone else. With that context in mind, I’d say pretty often.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GIVING BAD OR NEGATIVE REVIEWS?

I think it’s fine as long as it’s not done maliciously. I’ve seen people tag authors in negative reviews of their books, which is something I definitely do not agree with at all. I find it extremely rude. But at the same time, I’ve seen authors get extremely butthurt because they intentionally went looking for negative reviews. That’s something I also disagree with. Reviewers shouldn’t bring an author’s attention to their negative review. And authors shouldn’t invade reader spaces, only to get upset by what they went searching for. It’s a delicate balance.

IF YOU COULD READ IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE, WHICH LANGUAGE WOULD YOU CHOSE?

Japanese. Simply because I wouldn’t have to wait for mangas to be translated to English anymore.

MOST INTIMIDATING BOOK YOU’VE EVER READ?

Anything over 500 pages is a monster in my eyes. They scare me beyond comprehension.

MOST INTIMIDATING BOOK YOU’RE TOO NERVOUS TO BEGIN?

See my previous answer. Literally any tome makes me nervous, and I have a lot on my TBR right now.

FAVORITE POET?

Either Edgar Allan Poe or William Shakespeare. I like their work for different reasons, so it’s hard to pick between them. However, my favorite poem comes from William Ernest Henley, called Invictus.

HOW MANY BOOKS DO YOU USUALLY HAVE CHECKED OUT OF THE LIBRARY AT ANY GIVEN TIME?

About two or three on Libby. I usually get the audiobook versions on there.

HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU RETURNED A BOOK TO THE LIBRARY UNREAD?

Several times. Usually because I just didn’t get around to it. Eventually, I check it out again though.

FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER?

Literally anyone created by Alice Oseman, especially Nick Nelson. I relate to his character a lot.

FAVORITE FICTIONAL VILLAIN?

Coriolanus Snow, specifically in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. He’s unapologetically deranged and he knows it.

BOOKS I’M MOST LIKELY TO BRING ON VACATION?

Usually I take something I can get through really quick, like a novella, graphic novel, or manga.

THE LONGEST I’VE GONE WITHOUT READING.

I go months without reading sometimes. I don’t even care anymore. I read when I want to and will never force myself to if I’m not in the mood.

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU COULD OR WOULD NOT FINISH.

The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auel. It was such a drag. I really tried my best to finish it, but I just found it so boring.

WHAT DISTRACTS YOU EASILY WHEN YOU’RE READING?

Depends on what I’ve got going on, especially when it comes to the genre of the book. Sometimes, I can listen to music or have a show on in the background. Other times, I need complete silence. Nonfiction? Need to focus. Fluffy romance? Bring on the low-volume ASMRists singing Taylor Swift songs, baby!

FAVORITE FILM ADAPTATION OF A NOVEL?

Not a film, but a TV show. His Dark Materials is a great adaptation, especially after the failure of the Golden Compass movie from 2007.

MOST DISAPPOINTING FILM ADAPTATION?

The Scorch Trials movie was horrendous. I thought the first movie for the Maze Runner series was great and loyal to the story. However, the second movie made me refuse to continue watching when the Death Cure adaptation was finally released — I’ve still never seen it.

THE MOST MONEY I’VE EVER SPENT IN THE BOOKSTORE AT ONE TIME?

I don’t even want to know the answer to this one! I guess over $150 sounds about right.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU SKIM A BOOK BEFORE READING IT?

I might get crucified for this, but I usually skip to the end and read the last book of the book. The only exceptions to this habit are books in a series and if a book is in a categorized as a mystery (or a similar genre).

WHAT WOULD CAUSE YOU TO STOP READING A BOOK HALF-WAY THROUGH?

If a book is just straight-up boring, I will not be finishing it. It’s very rare that I refuse to finish a book anyway.

DO YOU LIKE TO KEEP YOUR BOOKS ORGANIZED?

Yes! I keep most of my books organized by age groups, though I have a some categories that are an exception to that. For age group, I divide them as Children’s, Middle Grade, Young Adult, New Adult, Adult, and Miscellaneous Adult. When it comes to my “specialized” categories, I divide the rest of my books under Classics, Graphic Novels, Manga and Light Novels, NonFiction, and Religion or Philosophy.

DO YOU PREFER TO KEEP BOOKS OR GIVE THEM AWAY ONCE YOU’VE READ THEM?

I always keep books if I view them as a five-star read. As for the rest, I keep them until I lose an attachment to them or I feel that I would prefer another book in its place.

ARE THERE ANY BOOKS YOU’VE BEEN AVOIDING?

I have a ton of nonfiction books I haven’t gotten around to yet, simply because it takes a lot of effort for me to get through those.

NAME A BOOK THAT MADE YOU ANGRY.

I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika Sánchez made me so unnecessarily upset. That is the only book I’ve ever DNF’d due to finding the main character so abhorrently irritating and unlikable. I barely got through two chapters before I had to put it down.

A BOOK YOU DIDN’T EXPECT TO LIKE BUT DID?

I didn’t think I would like Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor, but it’s one of my favorites!

A BOOK THAT YOU EXPECTED TO LIKE BUT DIDN’T?

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

FAVORITE GUILT-FREE, PLEASURE READ?

I usually describe them as “books that feel like fanfiction”. Quick, snappy, romances that usually end up receiving four stars. I eat those stories up!

[gilverrwrites]

I feel like I'm left behind and everyone manage to accomplish things, I want to go to uni and accomplish goals, but I feel as if it's too late for me. I keep self sabotaging and I'm always afraid to start. I keep finding myself in a viscous circle where I'm afraid to start because it might be too late/the courses that will grand me admission to university may end/expire, the opinions of the professors thinking I'm unserious would be present (I already experienced this in the past during a dark period where I was also experiencing a burnout without realizing and the teachers thought I was joking and unserious. One of them comparing me with the class clown, saying that she didn't know which one of us was more like the clown. At the time, I was battling with suicidal thoughts, sleeping 3 hours at night and arriving late to almost every morning class thanks to the bus not stopping at my stop since it was way too full. I was never joking around and was previously one of the best students) and since I'm not starting I'm always anxious about it. How can I even stop this sabotage??? I'm always trying to start and do the work, but at the end of the day, end up with nothing done nor completed NOT even started. I don't know what to do anymore!

I also wish at some point to do a sport and eventually possibly going to competitions, but I'm also an adult and every one began in childhood.

So, I wanna start here by saying I am just a rando on the internet whose experiences and views are not universal. Take what I say with a grain of salt and seek out professionals if you are able to.

If your in the UK, I know the NHS wait list is long, but it’s better to get your foot in the door now, than to keep putting it off.

If you’re in the US or another country that doesn’t offer free health care, please look into volunteer services or even just betterhelp style apps that might help you find coping mechanisms.

From there. You are not the only person to feel like you’re playing catch-up with everybody else. I know it doesn’t seem that way, but I promise, so many people around you are experiencing similar thoughts and issues, and are putting on a brave face.

The best thing I can tell you is, just do it. If the course you’re applying for ends, then it ends, at least you tried. Theres nothing you can do. But what if it doesn’t, and the only thing that has stopped you, is you?

Trust me, I’ve been there. I spent 10 years working retail and hating it because I was always to scared to try uni. I dropped out of college once, and was scared I would do it again. Was worried about being to old, not knowing how to be a student, being behind everybody else, picking the wrong course.

It didn’t help that I too wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t talking to my friends or family. I was just stuck in rut until I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to apply, had to sleep better, had to start working out because it was that or just spend the rest of my life rotting away and hating myself.

It won’t be easy, and it won’t be fixed overnight, but please try talking to people. I’m here if you need it, but if you can, find real life people; friends, family who you can have face to face conversations with. If you’re an introvert, don’t burn yourself out forcing yourself to interact, but I promise just getting lunch, or going for a walk with someone once a week will go a long way.

Just focus on feeling better first, to start. Please drink water, quit caffeine if you’re drinking it, look into sleeping techniques, talk to people.

If you start to feel better, start trying to apply for things you want to do. Courses, sports groups, anything. If it takes 10 years (hopefully not) like I did, so be it, everybody moves at a different pace.

(I don’t know what sports you want to try but;

Unis often have sports societies that you can join, most of which will have a group for beginners.

If you don’t join a course this year, see if you local community groups offer anything?)

I', sorry you're feeling this way, I hope this helps in anyway, and I hope things start to look up for you.