#I’m sorry I did my part and we stil failed you | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

youremeimyou · 5 years ago

Text

Old Lovers

pairing: Min Yoongi x reader genre: angst with sprinkles of fluff, ex-boyfriend au word count: almost 5k warning: some passionate kissing

Description: Min Yoongi is your ex-boyfriend that you’ve parted ways not on the greatest of terms with. But in the makings of a mixtape, somethings will be rekindled. Will it be friendship or maybe more?

A/N: I’ve started writing this so long ago but only recently got to finish it. I haven’t been able to post any fics in a while even though I’ve got a lot of wip. I’m graduating uni and my life’s basically a chaos right now. But I liked writing this a lot. I hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think of it :) [posting again cuz it’s not showing on tags ughh]

Going back to school has never been this painful to you before. Of course assingments, exams and longer than necessary lectures were always there to welcome you back to hell every year but no new semester intimidated you quite like this one does. Especially after the very much disconnected summer break you had.

Spending the summer in your hometown of Gwangju was a rushed decision that was actually forced upon you at the time. But it turned out to be exactly what you needed. At least, Hoseok made sure that it was. Being your life-long friend, he took matters into his own hands when you couldn't pull yourself together after the rough patch you've been through. The Hoseok-ie rule he called it: No getting in touch with anyone in Seoul. And while it was a little hard not reaching out to close friends in Seoul, you couldn't risk breaking the Hoseok-ie rule. He's sweet and you love him but that guy is one scary motherfucker when he's pissed.

Now, summertime's over and you're definetely not prepared to face your demons. It doesn't help that Hoseok's classes aren't starting until next week, either. That means you have to go through this alone.

On your way from the subway station to the campus, you check the new weekly schedule once more and it makes you let out a dissappointed huff. You can't blame anyone. You made this schedule. But do you have any idea why you decided to put music theory at 9 in the morning while you were making it? No.

Your legs take action before you know it and suddenly you're now turning to the other street. They continue to take you through another familiar path. As you close in on the shop at the corner, the calming smell of coffee reaches your nose and you realise why coming here was more tempting than attending class.

This coffee shop was your safe haven for the past three years and this semester isn't going to be any different. Even though it's so close to campus, not many people know about it and it's never hectic. Which is something you love and right now, definetely need. Some peace and quiet before starting the semester...

You enter and head straight to the barista, who happens to be a friend of yours since you're a regular.

"Hey Ryu."

"Well well, if it isn't Miss I'll come everyday this summer that never showed up once." Ryu has sarcasm alongside with mischief in his voice.

"I know but Hoseok kept me in Gwangju as a prisoner the whole summer, I'm sorry."

"Where's that dancing machine?"

"He doesn't have classes until next week so it's just me for now." You're still not over the fact he left you on your own for the first week.

"It's fine, you're not alone. Look!" Ryu points to the back where the tables are. You're confused as to who he could be pointing at. You and Hoseok are the only ones you know that come here- except...

In a flash, you stop turning around and hurriedly order a black coffee. "Please make it quick." you plead quietly but what's done is done, he already knows you're here. In fact you can hear footsteps approaching.

"That drink was great, dude. What's it called again?" He appears on your right side in his all-black outfit with a snapback. Nothing's changed about him, you think. Except you see some of his hair through the hat and it seems to be bleached. Something he hasn't done for a while. For the two years you two were together, to be exact.

"Oh, it's called yuanyang. You think I should put it on the menu?"

"Definetely, go for it."

It seems like he doesn't even acknowlegde the fact that you're right next to him. But why the hell did he even come here? You totally introduced him to this place and Ryu. So, you should get to keep this place after the break-up. Aren't those the rules?

He takes out his wallet to pay but pauses for a second. "Ryu, can I get two cookies to go?" he asks and hands over his card.

Two cookies? You know he doesn't like sugaries that much. You're almost sure he's meeting someone and it makes you scoff, unconsciously. Both him and Ryu side-eye you but you avert your gaze. "Chocolate ones, please." he adds. You think he must be ordering your favorites just to spite you.

He recieves the cookies from Ryu, fistbumps the guy and starts walking out. But then, just as he passes by you, he leaves one of the cookies on the counter in front of you and exits without another word.

First, you're shocked. And so is Ryu, apparently. You glance at him and he confusedly shrugs. Then, you're pissed. In a moment of anger, you blast out of there to go after him.

"Hey, Min Yoongi!" you shout.

He stops but doesn't turn around for a while. Just when he's about to, you appear right in front of him, the cookie in your hand.

"What's this?"

"What does it look like to you?" he retorts back, his eyes avoiding yours. And you frustratedly huff.

"What are you trying to pull?" you ask with hints of accusation in your voice. That's when he meets your gaze.

"Nothing at all. My fault for trying to be nice."

There it is, the Min Yoongi venom you were waiting for. He opens his mouth to say something else but you beat him to it.

"Ryu doesn't seem to know that we-" you pause. And immediately regret pausing. Why couldn't you just say it?

"Oh, right. You must be thinking that life stopped while you were away." And only as he says this that you notice the dark circles under his eyes. "He knows. So do a lot of other people, by the way."

Well, shit. You might've been away from all the post-breakup commotion but he was here. He was dealing with everyone of your social circle, alone. And what's the first thing you do when you see him for the first time after all that? Lashing out at him. And when he was just trying to be nice, too. Great...

"Can you move? I'm missing class." he says coldly. But despite trying to hide it, his voice sounds tired. Which makes you step out of his way and let him go. Instead, you start making your own way to class, being already late as it is.

Safe to say it's an awkward walk to campus, with you on one side of the street and Yoongi on the other. The bad news is, you constantly find yourself looking his way. Even though you curse under your breath everytime you catch yourself staring at him, you can't help but look again. But his eyes are completely fixed on the road, not even sparing you one glance.

To escape the awkwardness, you decide taking the longer route to class by heading for the stairs at the back while he takes the ones near the entrance. Since you're late and afraid of Professor Sol, you fasten your pace. Once you reach the door, your hand clashes into someone else's. Yoongi's. Of course, you think to yourself. You should've known he's taking music theory from Professor Sol. He's the best student when it comes to music and the best teacher here definetely wants him on his class.

It's too late when you realise you haven't removed your hand because he opens the door with yours under his, making it feel as though you're holding hands.

"So you finally decided to grace us with your presence? You shouldn't have. The class is about to end." Professor Sol scolds the two of you. She isn't exactly wrong. "I can pardon a student who already excells but the one who barely passes classes, I hope you know what you're doing Miss Y/N." One thing about her is that she notoriously discriminates between students and she's never liked you.

Yoongi's hand and yours is still connected and you feel him tense up. He actually used to be your guardian when it came to Professor Sol. And apparently old habits die hard because he grabs your hand harder and steps up a little. "The last I checked, at least eighty percent of your class fails every year, professor. It includes people who rank highest in some of the other classes. Strange, don't you think?"

Only Min Yoongi has the guts to do this. And only he gets a free pass after doing it. When the professor simply points you in the direction of the seats, Yoongi pulls you by the hand he’s still holding and sits you down. There’s immediately talk going around, people discussing if you were back together and all that. That’s when he snaps out of it and lets your hand go. So you’re finally able to let out the breath you were unknowingly holding. Then, he goes to one of the back seats and sits down himself. And you quietly wonder why that hurts you.

It's Hoseok's first day back and the two of you are enjoying some coffee at Ryu's shop, after a long school day.

"Y/N, I've got some bad news." he says, looking gloomy all of a sudden.

"Wha- hurry up and tell me." You hate the suspense, it makes you worry.

"I haven't been able to find a studio that we can continue the album with." He looks really upset. That's only natural, he's been working on this project for over a year now. Before you broke up with Yoongi, Hoseok was writing and producing a mixtape in Yoongi's studio with you and Yoongi's help. After you parted ways, the mixtape was put on hold.

"I've saved a lot of money this summer. We can look into some expensive ones too, I'm sure we can-"

"It's not the money, Y/N. I can't work on it the way I want to in any of those other studios. Even if it's one of the expensive ones." he cuts in. Yes, Yoongi was probably the only person to let Hoseok do his own thing.

"Well then, you should talk to Yoongi. I'm sure he'll be cool with working with you, still. As long as I don't show up, it should be fine."

He rolls his eyes. "I can't do it without you, Y/N. I'll need your help, so you'll have to show up eventually."

It's your turn to roll your eyes. You don't want anything to do with that studio. But you know how important this mixtape is to Hoseok, so you say okay. Even though you doubt Yoongi would be fine with you being there.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. In his damned, cursed, beautiful leather jacket... This time there's no hat so you can fully observe his bleached hair and notice how it's grown longer.

"Would you really be okay with it? I don't wanna put you in this position, no. Let's just forget it-"

"Hoseok-ie, you're lovely. But for now, shut up." You get up and make your way to Yoongi's table. Hoseok's mixtape has to be done, no matter what. Seems like he hasn't noticed you so you clear your throat to grab his attention.

"What?" he asks, not looking at you. Your blood slowly starts to boil.

"I need to ask you something-"

"Ryu, I kinda need that coffee asap, buddy!" He cuts you off by hollering at the barista and starts to gather his things. He really must want to get on your nerves.

"Actually, first things first, why in the bloody hell are you still coming here?" You can't help but lash out again. You discovered this place after all, you have the right to claim it.

"Excuse me?"

"I showed you this place, it's my territory. Don't you know the break-up rules?"

He laughs at that. In such a condescending way that you regret saying it. He stops getting ready and settles on the table once again. "You're cute."

Oh, you're so close to smacking him on the head.

"And you're an asshole."

Ryu comes with Yoongi's order and leaves it on the table. "I thought you were in a hurry." He says while heading back to the counter.

"I suddenly wanna stay longer." Yoongi states, looking straight at you.

Every fiber of your being wants to avoid his eyes and run away from there, he knows exactly how to make you vulnerable. But you endure. For Hoseok.

"I'll get to the point. Hoseok needs to keep working with you. Our situation shouldn't effect his mixtape, don't you think?"

He switches to serious mode quickly. "Was this your idea or his?"

"What does it matter-"

"I'm only okay with it if he wants to do it on his own will and not by you forcing him."

Okay, you do get a little bossy sometimes but he didn't have to put it as harsh as that.

"He wants to. He refused other studios and all that."

You think you see his lips curve into a small smile for a second. Hoseok and Yoongi got along very well, actually. You never wanted for them to stop being friends, anyway. This might be a chance for them to catch up even. Of course, there's a slight problem.

"But- he says he can't do it without... well, me. He wants to make sure that you're okay with-"

"Not a problem." Yoongi unexpectantly cuts you off. You're rendered speechless due to shock. He finally turns his head and looks at you. "My studio is a workplace, Y/N. Why would it bother me when you're there for work purposes? Especially when you're essential to the process."

Yoongi's sense of kindness is a very strong thing. But it's well hidden under all the coldness and sarcasm. You'd know, it had taken you a while to get to it. But when you did, it made you fall for him even harder at the time. And now, even though things between you are over, you can still see it.

"Thanks..." is all you can say while turning around to go back but suddenly your feet stop and turn back around. "Actually, thanks for before with Professor Sol, too. Even though you don't need to stand up for me anymore-"

"It's not that I needed to, Y/N. It's that I wanted to."

He goes back to gathering his stuff and you head back to give Hoseok the details of how it went. Just as you're about to, Yoongi stops by your table before leaving.

"Hoseok-ie, text me later to come up with a schedule for studio hours, okay?"

Hoseok is visibly happy and responds with a big smile. "Sure thing."

It's been three weeks since Hoseok started to work at Yoongi's studio again. But today is the first time that you'll be going there since the break-up. Even though time has passed, you're still not used to being around Yoongi all the time. Like having to attend almost all the classes with him and also, well... without him.

Without him sitting next to you, practically glued to your side, while you both silently giggle in the middle of the lecture as he whispers stupid jokes in your ear. The fact that you're consantly around him (not by choice by the way) prevents you from getting over him.

And now the studio... One of the most dangerous places for you now because of the memories you have with him there. You know, an intimate, indoor space with dim lights... A perfect spot for activities you definitely don't want to be reminded of. But for your best friend Hoseok, you have to go.

When you arrive, you call Hoseok to open up the door, too nervous to ring the doorbell. Once you enter, your giggly friend drags you hurriedly into the recording room.

"Okay warm your voice up. We should start with the vocals-"

"Wow there, pickle." you say. Vocals were maybe the only thing you told him you wouldn't do. What did he think? That he could hurry you into it and you wouldn't notice? "What vocals, Hoseok? I'm here to arrange, mix and maybe write some melodies, you know that."

"Shhh... look you gotta. Otherwise Yoongi's gonna have some other girl do it and I don't want that."

What girl? For as long as you can remember, Yoongi has tried to get you to sing. For Hoseok's and other albums. But you don't have confidence in your voice so you've always refused. And now he just wants some other girl?

"Have you told him you don't want that?"

"Yes, obviously. He told me if I can't convince you, we had no other choice. So c'mon, just try for me? Pleaseee?"

You sneakily glance out the window to see Yoongi talking with the said girl. She’s probably from your school even though you haven’t seen her here before. She’s standing a bit too close to Yoongi’s chair and leaning on him a little but that’s none of your business. And you definetely don’t care. But still, you can’t have someone whom Hoseok’s not comfortable with, sing in his own damn album.

You go out the room and toward Yoongi and the girl. “We need to speak.” you say and head for the other room. Yoongi huffs while following after you.

“What is it miss grumpy?”

You roll your eyes. “Are you really pulling an ultimatom on me like this? Hoseok clearly isn’t okay with this girl-”

“Hoseok isn’t okay with anyone but you. This isn’t my ultimatom, it’s his. Marley’s like the third person I asked to do this and he didn’t like any of them. Because what he wants is your voice. You really can’t see that Y/N?”

He sounds fed up and exhausted. What he says makes sense too, since you know how stubborn and sneaky your best friend can be.

He continues. “Look, if we want the album to proceed there are three options. First is Marley does the vocals and Hoseok will be unhappy about it. Second is there’ll be no female vocals which will make the whole thing empty and far from what we planned. Or third, you can do them and save us all the grimace.”

He makes it seem like he doesn’t care which you’ll go with but in his eyes, you can see hope that you’ll say yes to the third. But no. You’re not ready, you can’t. In your mind, you suck. So you convince Hoseok to go with Marley for now.

So, days go by. Marley comes pretty often to record. Hoseok’s not frowning that much about it anymore. And you notice how every chance she gets, Marley is pulling the moves on Yoongi. Which seem to work, since sometimes they come in or leave together. None of it bothers you at all, you tell yourself.

One day, you come in pretty late at night remembering you left your notes there. Since you have a spare key, you think you can be in and out unnoticed. Silly you because once you hear Yoongi playing the piano, you can’t just leave. You wait outside the room until he’s done and some stupid momentary courage makes you go in.

“Oh- I’m sorry.” you instantly say when you see Marley sitting next to him. “I just forgot my- I was leaving-”

“Wait!” Yoongi says hurridly to stop you. “We were done here anyway.”

Marley doesn’t look happy but gets up and leaves.

“No really, I got my notes and I was about to head out. She doesn’t need to leave on my account-”

“It’s not on your account. But since you came in here, you must have something to say?”

Why does it feel like he wants you to say something? Why does it seem like he wants you to stay? You’re convinced it’s your own mind playing tricks on you.

“No. I don’t.” you lie with a broken voice. But your feet aren’t leaving. And Yoongi is still staring at you with a cold attitude but expecting eyes.

“Fine.” you give up and say. “I thought the piano room wasn’t allowed to just anyone. I guess since she was in here...” you cut yourself off. The piano room was kind of your special place when you were together. Nobody other than you was allowed in here. This is the place you two would spend hours and hours coming up with songs. Or just talking about things you shared only with each other.

“I’m just giving her piano lessons for some extra cash. And this room doesn’t mean much to me anymore.”

His answer dissappoints you. Not the part that he indirectly said they weren’t dating. The latter part. “And here I thought the whole secrecy of the piano room was just your way of pulling the moves on whoever you’re dating.” As long as the sentence is finished, you regret saying it. You know it isn’t right. What you said is unfair to every intimate and meaningful moment you had with him here. And your words come down like the last drop on his patience.

He shoots out of the seat. “If I wasn’t so goddamn sure that you already know how you’re the first person I ever brought in here, I’d be hurt. But instead I’m just pissed.”

He’s right to be. So you can’t say anything back.

“How can you even-” he stops for a moment. “But that’s just your way, isn’t it? Spit out venom whenever you don’t like something.”

“Me?” you ask in shock. Now this you can’t have. “No. Poisonous words are your specialty.”

“And you already left me for it, didn’t you? You left me so why would you care who I bring in here anyway?” He’s switched to his shouting voice now.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. But I left because you pushed me away, Yoongi.” He averts his gaze to the floor while you continue. “I know that you love music more than anything else but what I also happen to know is that you use it as an escape. An excuse to not get too close. But guess what? We were already too close for me to not realise what you were doing! And that is why I left!”

Both of you are obviously done shouting and silence takes over the room for a while. You already had to push back tears like twice now, so you decide to leave but just then, Yoongi has something to say.

“This room will never have any significance with anyone else besides you. Just know that.” he silently admits with his eyes still fixed on the ground. You don’t say anything and just walk away.

It’s nearly the end of the semester and Hoseok’s mixtape is finally finished. He was so exited that he accidentely published it three times in a row on soundcloud. And the fact that he’s getting some great feedback is the icing on top.

In the meantime, you’ve been doing a lot of thinking. After that fight with Yoongi, you’ve started to seriously consider the fact that maybe leaving him just like that was a mistake. Because yes, you were hurt that after all you had been through, he was still trying to keep you at bay. You felt like as you were falling completely and irreversably for him, he was still holding back. But when you left, you were gone all the way. Leaving him all alone when you knew he was hurt.

Spending the last couple of months together, you finally admitted to yourself that you missed him. And that it did bother you seeing him with other girls. It bothered you that Marley was so obviously into him. Even though he made it clear he wasn’t interested, you still felt... jealous.

But you never mustered up the courage to talk to him about any of these. Even though it seems like lately he’s trying not to be cold around you, trying to strike up random converstions in efforts to perhaps recover at least your friendship. For some stupid reason you can’t seem to dare let him back in.

Your buzzing phone pulls you out of your thoughts. You check and see it’s your best friend that you’ve been feeling extra proud of these days.

“Yes, my successful, on his way to become a star best friend?”

“Oh my god, Y/N. You won’t believe this!” he squeaks while talking. And you hate the suspense so you tell him to hurry up and tell you what’s up.

“Yoongi’s friend in radio 12 agreed to play the title song!”

“What??” you start to squeak in exitement as well. “When? When will it be on?”

“In about two minutes! Just put the station on, now!” he orders and hangs up immediately. He’ll probably call his parents next. You quickly do as he says and for sure, the next song is Hoseok’s title track. You start hopping in your bed, dancing around in your room with the dumbest smile on your face but then-

The bridge comes and it’s your voice. That’s impossible, you think. But it is you singing the bridge. And then it hits you. That one night you snuck into the studio with your spare key and recorded this exact bit, just to see how it’d be... As always, you thought it wasn’t good enough. But instead of deleting, you hid the file. Guess you couldn’t hide it that well, after all. Was it Hoseok that did this? Or...

Your phone buzzes again and once again it’s Hoseok. “Y/N- This was the best surprise you ever made for me. I’m literally about to cry, you sound so good! Thank you for doing this.”

It wasn’t Hoseok, then. But you’re thrilled to know he likes it that much. You’re thrilled to hear yourself on a freaking radio station that so many people listen to! It feels amazing. It gives you so much confidence. So much that after ending the call with Hoseok, you decide to go to the only person left who could’ve done this.

You’re at Yoongi’s door. You haven’t been here for a long time but despite the nervousness, you manage to knock. It’s pretty late but you know he’s a night owl, he should be up. Soon enough, he opens the door. He’s taken aback to see you at first but then his surprised expression turns into worry.

“I know why you’re here. I’m sorry I used the recording without your consent but-”

You launch yourself onto him and crash your lips on his. His response is so quick that it’s almost automatic. He pulls you in even more, closes the door with his foot and traps your body againts the wall with his own. All the while not parting your lips once. Your hands go to his hair. You’ve been wanting to brush your fingers through his hair ever since you’ve seen that he bleached it again after two years. You pull at the tips slightly. It makes him hum into your mouth.

“Wait-” he says while he pulls away suddenly. “You-” You’re both out of breath. “Are you really okay with what I did?”

“Yes.” You close the distance once again and this time he moves you to the couch. You’ve missed this couch. You’ve missed him...

He pulls back again. “Y/N- wait. What are we doing?”

“What do you think?” you tease as your lips travel down to his neck.

“I wanna talk to you first, though.” he manages to say between his panting.

“So talk.” you say and go back to the week spots on his neck, secretly smiling against his skin.

“You’re not-” he swallows a groan. “exactly making it easy.” He then pulls your head up to face him and gives you another long kiss. But this time not out of the heat of the moment. Instead with so much meaning engraved on it.

“Y/N... I never meant to hurt you.” he says staring into your eyes. “You were right, I was a coward but- I swear if you give me another chance, I will give it my all. I’ll be a thousand percent in.”

You smile. He looks so much like a lost puppy that it makes you want to tease him. “Well, prove that to me right now then.” you say slyly.

“Uhh- I will. I- I’m gonna go dye my hair brown, right now. I bleached it to get your attention, anyway. Not to attract others, I promise.” he says in panic.

You burst into laughter. When you first started dating, you talked him into not bleaching his hair anymore. You always said it was only for his health but he always knew you were jealous of girls getting attracted because of it, too. “No, don’t. I actually missed how even hotter it makes you look. Let’s keep that for now.” you say. “I was kidding, you don’t have to do or say any-”

“I love you.”

You pause. It’s not the first time he tells you that. But this time he says it in such a way that you’re certain it’s the real thing. Even more real than before. “I love you, too.”

“So...” he leans into you and whispers in your ear. “Couch or bed?”

You both giggle. “Surprise me.” you whisper back and he quickly tries to lift you but fails, making you both laugh out loud. “Umm- I haven’t been working out lately, baby. I’m sorry.” he says between giggles.

Between all the laughter, you silently thank him for giving you another chance, too. And make a mental promise that you won’t give this up so easily ever again.

....

A/N: This was my first Yoongi fic and I feel good about it. It’s really hard to imagine Yoongi not being a god at music so anytime I use him as a character, he’s always a prodigy lol. I can’t help it he’s just really good. Anyways if you’ve bared with this, thank you sooo much for reading and I hope you liked it. Let me know if you did. Always wash your hands and stay healthy :)

230 notes · View notes

gidleboo · 5 years ago

Note

hi! can i request (G)I-dle’s reaction to fem SO putting their hand on their thigh to tease them thanks! also hope you’re doing well and drinking water!!

GIDLE Reacts

a headcanon showing how each member may react to their female s/o teasing them in the waiting room.

requested by: anon

�� — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

You stifled a yawn as you stretched your arms, your back arching in the process. The time read 1:12 pm on your phone before you lazily plopped it back down onto your lap, glancing over to your girlfriend who sat next to you as she was focused on her phone.

She and the other members were currently on break after recording their group scene for their new MV, "Oh my God" and the two of you decided to spend some alone time with each other as you sat in the furthest couch, away from the others.

You shuffled in your seat, turning to face your girlfriend as you stared at her lovingly, wondering how breathtaking a person could get while you leaned onto your palm with your elbow propped up on the back part of the couch.

You watched her scroll through her phone lazily while she sat comfortably with one of her legs placed on top of your thighs, occasionally giggling at whatever she saw on her phone.

You smiled softly at her and let your gaze drop from her face as your eyes started traveling down her body, suddenly feeling your face heat up from embarrassment as you shamelessly checked her out. You couldn't help it though, your eyes were moving on their own.

Your eyes found their way down to her flawless legs and you felt yourself bite the inside of your cheeks. 'Damn,' you thought to yourself as you unconsciously placed your hand onto her bare thigh.

You suddenly thought of a naughty little plan as you grabbed the blanket that you remembered sitting on and covered both of your legs, slightly surprised that your girlfriend hasn't paid any attention to what you were doing as she was so engrossed with her phone.

You let your hand make their way underneath the blanket as you stared at your girlfriend, waiting for some sort of reaction as you let your hand place themself back on top of her thigh. When you stil receive no reaction from her, you let your hand caress the skin, squeezing the soft flesh.

SOYEON

first off, this smol bean has been paying attention to everything you were doing

her attention was split in half; for you and for her phone

anyway, she was completely taken aback from the unexpected action

she literally thought you were just covering both of your legs with the blanket

soyeon's eyes widened as she immediately turned her head to face you with a questioning look

you gave her a smirk as your hand started moving upwards, reaching for the hem of her shorts

soyeon was quick to stop your hand before nervously glancing over to the other members and staff in the next room

seeing that no one was paying attention to you both, she sighed and shot you a warning look; 'We can't'

no joke, that dominant gaze she gave you brought a shiver down your spine

you bit your lip and immediately pulled your hand out from under the blanket as you slump in your seat, pouting at your failed attempt

so in conclusion: soyeon would be stopping you from going any further almost immediately, leaving you no choice but to follow her

MIYEON

completely oblivious at first

mistook your teasing as a sign of comfort; lol cute

but that was all until your hand started traveling upwards

would be flustered af

her face immediately heats up as she tightens her hold on her phone, your fingernails drawing patterns on her inner thigh

decides to not question what the hell you were doing as she lets out a soft whimper once your hand drew closer to her heat

she bites onto her bottom lip, trying hard to not let out any more sounds but fails as your hand slides over her clothed center

"y/n stop, we can't," miyeon breathes out, her face now turned completely red

clearly her body doesn't want you to stop, so you continue to tease her as she starts to breathe heavily

after a few more minutes, the two of you flinched when you both hear her manager clap their hands from the other room, "guys, time to go."

miyeon immediately slapped your hand away as she stood up to fix herself

you laugh once you see a slight scowl present onto her face as she whined, "i hate you," before nudging you goodbye and walking to the set

you literally got her worked up in just a few minutes of stroking her thigh

MINNIE

would immediately catch on what you're trying to do and would pretend like she doesn't care

she knows that you want a reaction from her

so she ain't gonna give you one :)

low-key feels aroused from the thought of being caught by someone

she smirks to herself as she feels your hand grip onto her thigh in frustration of her not paying you any attention

pretends to yawn to annoy you further

tenses up when you suddenly pressed your thumb onto her center, almost choking since she did not expect that

you smirk as you finally got her, slowly rubbing circles over her clothed heat, thinking how fortunate it was that she was wearing a skirt

she tries to stop squirming around

had to place a hand over her mouth to shut herself up

you slid your finger up and down her clothed slit, feeling her underwear slowly start to get wet

before you could even get a chance to move her panties aside, you felt her figure stand up and straddle your hips as she leaned close to your ear and purred,

"let's make this quick,"

SOOJIN

momma knew right away what you were trying to do

would react slightly similar to soyeon;

shocked, eyes widened, her head immediately turned to your direction

'are you crazy?' soojin mouthed to you, a smirk tugging at her lips in amusement

you bat your eyelashes innocently as you smiled at her in question, playing dumb

soojin rolled her eyes playfully and stopped your hand before they could grab the hem of her shorts

"be a good girl for me, and keep your hands to yourself."

"were almost done with the shoot, ill take care of you at home."

as much as she wants to, she knew to herself that she can't since she won't be able to focus afterwards

after seeing you pout, she decided to give you a kiss on the lips

would much rather not risk getting caught

YUQI

ticklish baby immediately flinched and let out a surprised yelp (which to your luck, no one paid any attention to)

yuqi covered her mouth to stop any other sounds from leaving her lips

her mood immediately changed; from being all giggly to suddenly being quiet with her ears slowly turning red

yuqi looks over at you and was annoyed to see that you were pretending to scroll through your phone, a smirk present on your lips

before she could call you out, yuqi flinched as your hand squeezed her inner thigh and she moaned softly in her hand

is really anxious that someone might walk in but at the same time, the thrill of getting caught was slightly arousing

yuqi was an expressive person

so she accidentally moaned loudly when your hand cupped her clothed center

the two of you froze

even the staff and the other members a few feet away from you stopped talking

as the silence continued, yuqi's face turned dark red and you tried to stop yourself from laughing

"you have no idea how much i hate you right now"

SHUHUA

a panicked gay

would start squirming in her seat once your fingernails dragged onto her skin

she starts blinking really fast, her eyes nervously darting around all over place

would shakily start singing out loud as she tried to ignore your hand that was inches away from her heat

her singing would get cut off as her voice cracks from the sudden movement of your hand;

your hand palmed shuhua's center

"wait, wait, wait!" shuhua immediately grabbed onto your arm as she whisper-shouted at you

you broke into a fit of laughter at her before she whispers again;

"are you sure were doing it here?"

"we might get caught"

babygirl wants it but the risk of getting caught was too high

shuhua slaps your hand away before standing and pulling you up with her

she leads you both to the bathroom and locks the door

"let's be quick"

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

i feel like i just wrote 6 imagines with the same concept except they're all in bullet point forms🙃

anyway, im sorry if this took a little longer than i expected since my ass just couldn't shorten everything

also, i think this was a little bit smutty i'm sorry–

i have no idea what this is but i hope it's okay anon! thank you very much for requesting :) and yes, ive been drinking water thank you for worrying anon

i hope everyone is also safe uwu

thats all, thanks for reading❣

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a-pretty-nerd · 4 years ago

Text

Run (Jasper Jordan x Reader College!Au)

Request: “Hoi I wanna request a story sadly I don’t have Patreon though so u prob won’t make it hehe. It’s a Jasper Jordan x reader fan fic also I would love if it a High school/college Au and the readers parents don’t approve Jasper so she has to sneak out every time she wants to meet him but soon she finds out she’s pregnant so she runs away with him? Also your work is amazing!” ~ @deadqueeen

A/N: I was just about to say, “I’ve never done a college au before, uwu!” but I forgot about that entire self indulgent smut I wrote…big Oof. Anyways, love this idea, I love some good ol’ fashioned angst. Just a warning though, I did end up leaning heavily into the relationship reader has with their parents so just be prepared for some upsetting interactions.

If you like my work, don’t be afraid to interact! Gimme a like, comment, message, send a request my way if you like! And if you’d like to support me further, go ahead and check out my Patreon! I’d love to see you there!

Trigger Warnings: Mild Smut, Parental abuse, petting crime, and Pregnancy.

College was stressful as it is, but as the months passed, things were getting harder and harder to manage. Come your freshman year, a little thing called Covid-19 hit the world, sending it into a whirlwind of stress and unease.You sat in the shower, letting the warm water fall over your aching body as you stared blankly at your knees. After your panic attack you were left void of emotion and thought, sitting there wondering what to do and how to move. The water was a calming reminder that you were still present and very much alive.

Things had changed very quickly and yet it felt like that change took forever to get to you. Covid hit right before the end of your freshman year, forcing you to move back in with your parents until it “passed.” But it wasn’t passing and now you were starting your sophomore year at home.As stressful as it was, you missed school. You missed your friends, your dorm room, even your part-time job. But most of all, your freedom. You missed the carefree way in which you lived in the dorms. You had a taste or real life and you craved more.

You were trapped, for lack of a better word, imprisoned in your childhood home. You spent days without leaving the confines of it’s walls in a failed attempt to keep you safe and focused on school. Your parents weren’t always so strict, but they made it clear that school should be your top priority and anything else was an unwelcome distraction. Things like your boyfriend, were merely a hindrance to your education.You met Jasper your first day in the dorms. He was bright and smiling like an excited puppy, eager and willing to make new friends and new experiences. You quickly became friends, and then a little more. Before you knew it, the two of you were inseparable. He made you feel so wild and free. He nurtured the fun, carefree side of you that you didn’t even know existed. He cared for you in ways no one ever had before. He was so funny and kind and genuine. He gave you the tools to grow, and with his, you bloomed.

When the pandemic hit, it devastated the two of you. Being isolated and kept from one another proved too much to bare. You remember the first night you snuck out with him, terrified of alerting your parents. They hated Jasper, they forbade you from seeing him. Told you he’d do nothing but keep you down and stifle your potential. If only they could see how happy he made you. If only, they cared.Jasper would creep around to your backyard and gently tap at your bedroom window. 12 am, they’d always be asleep, the perfect time to make a quick get away and then 6am, you’d sneak back through your window.

The adrenaline of misbehaving always drove you crazy. Sneaking around in the dark of the night, stealing chased kisses from one another until it was too much to handle. You fell into each other’s arms almost every night, desperate kisses and moans in between the sound of skin slapping against skin. He made your hair curl.You were his first. He was awkward and silly at times but you whipped him into shape real quick. And now, he was a well trained boy toy ready and willing at any moment you desired. He was always so desperate for you, so needy and greedy for your body. But his kisses, no matter how passionate and crazed, were always so loving. He adored you in every way.

These secret rendezvous went on for months, all summer, it was routine, you couldn’t stay away from him. But, maybe you should have. With more classes fast approaching, you began to think about your future. If only you had the money to move out, you and Jasper could finally have a sense of normalcy. You could move in together, start a life together. But the pandemic and school sucked your savings dry and without the conditioned help from your parents, you were penniless. You finally stood on your shaky legs and lifted yourself out of the show. You dried yourself off, shuffled over to your room, dressing yourself, and waiting till the coast was clear. When all was quiet, you texted Jasper and soon he was at your window. Lucky for you, he wasn’t a far drive away. He gently tapped on the glass and leaned down to flash a big goofy grin from behind your curtains. You opened the window and let him in, shushing him as he fell into the room.

“Hey sweetness.” He whispered, loudly. He planted a soft kiss on your cheek as he held you by your hips.“Please be quiet, you’re making me nervous.” You hushed. His smile disappeared slowly as he examined your face. Your red eyes and puffy cheeks gave away your emotions. He was never good at reading a room, but there was little you could hide from him. He made you transparent.

“Have you been crying?” Worry washed over him as he placed his hands to hold your head and slide his thumbs over the soft skin on your cheeks. You tried to avoid his gaze but failed miserably.“Yeah…” You admitted, wiggling out of his grasp so you could sit on the edge of your bed. Your heart started to race, the anxiety and fear wrenching its was through your body. Even the thoughts made you want to cry again.

“Whats wrong? Did something happen with your parents?” You’d been having fights with them for some time now, and he knew it was taking a tole on you. Jasper offered to being you home to his folks, but his relationship with them was on the rocks as it was. Your small group of close friends were your only support. All things considered, the two of you were left on your own. “No…” You muttered, unable to bring yourself to say it out loud. The tears quickly came back up and started falling again. Your emotions, your fears, your pain took over you. You couldn’t get out a single word before your body jerked uncontrollably as you sobbed. It left a slew of incomplete words spewing from your mouth. “I-I….I-I I’m ….. Mmmm …. I’m …..” gasp, sob “Mmmmmha….” and the sobbing continued.

“Hey…Hey…It’s okay.” He cooed softly to you as he rubbed soft, slow circles on your back. It helped, but not much.“N-No…” you shook as you cried, “I’m-m-m-”

“It’s alright, take deep breaths, you don’t have to say anything until you’re ready.” He whispered to you. You clung to him desperately. It took time, but soon you felt good enough to speak again.“Jasper…”

“What sweetness?” He flashed you his kind and loving smile.“I’m pregnant.” You uttered softly. You watched the color drain from his face. His sweet smile faded away to a scowl and the fear rushed back to you. The sobbing started again as you chanted apology after apology, begging for him to stay with you. He didn’t move, he only held you where you were. Finally spoke.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. This isn’t your fault. We tried, we were safe, it’s not your fault. Shhhhh. It’s okay.” Suddenly a bright light interrupted him. Your bedroom door swing open to reveal the large, looming figure of your mother. “What the hell is going on here!” She screamed. You watched in horror as your mother wrenched Jasper from your arms and threw him out into the living room. You followed her, pleading and begging her to stop as she hurled whatever was in reach at him. Shoes, pillows, plates, before your father reached around his collar to throw him out of the house.

The yelling and screaming continued through the night until the sun came up. Your father nailed your bedroom window shut. Your mother locked your door by pushing furniture in front of it to keep you inside. Your phone, your computer, every form of communication was taken from you. Every mistreatment and punishment being underlined by some iteration of, “this is for your own good” or “this is because we love you.”

You felt stuck in an emotional limbo for days on end as they kept you prisoner. You didn’t have the energy to cry or argue, there was nothing you could do or say. You had sit and stay, like a good girl.

One night you were woken by a soft tapping at your bedroom window. You jolted out of bed to see a pair of familiar eyes pear back. Monty stood on the other outside, a face mask and baseball cap hiding his features. He held up a notebook with writing on it and pressed it against the glass.

“Are you okay?” It read. You rushed to find paper and write back.

“I’m fine. Wheres Jasper?”

“Your Dad threatened to shoot him if he saw him again. So he sent me.” He wrote back.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. We’re busting you out of here.”

“How? They’re getting security cameras installed tomorrow.” Monty looked visibly concerned and thought for a moment before responding.

“Then we’ll have to do it tonight. Pack what you can. We’ll be back to get you in an hour.”

“How are you going to get me out? The window is nailed shut, I can’t get out.”

“Don’t worry. Just be prepare to run.” And with that, he left. You packed what you could. A few items of clothing, necessities, and water. You thought about leaving a note. Maybe telling your parents about your pregnancy, they had missed that part of your conversation, thank god. You decided against it, you still didn’t know what to do. Regardless, it was safe to say you could kiss your funding for school goodbye. You’d be on your own from now on. Well, not entirely.

You heard shuffling outside your bedroom window and looked outside to see two dark figures racing past. You watched as Bellamy peered in, face also obscured by a mask, and waved at you. Jasper’s mask covered face popped into view and planted his palm on the window before holding up a notebook.

“Get away from the window, and be prepared to run.” It read. As soon as you nodded in agreement, Jasper disappeared from view. You watched Bellamy swing his arms back with a crow bar in hand. The window shattered with a loud crash, glass flying all over your bedroom. He reached a hand out to you, his grasp firm as you clung to his forearm. You were pulled through to the outside and fell to the ground below.

“Go, go, go, run!” Bellamy whispered, loudly. You looked up at your parent’s house as the sound of dogs barking rang in your ears. Lights flew on from the house as well as neighbor’s lights. You felt so stiff and ridged. The urge to run suppressed by your fear. Jasper reached down and took your hand in his. You looked up at him, his eyes wide with urgency. He tugged at your arm, begging you to get up and run with him.

Suddenly, you felt free. You felt the strength to get up and push forward. Running with him to a car parked outside the house. The three of you bolted, tripping over yourselves as you raced against the clock. As soon as you were in the car, Octavia greeted you with a big toothy grin.

“Drive! Drive!Drive!” Jasper shouted at her. Her smile disappeared as she looked back at Jasper with you before her attention went back to the car. The engined roared as she adjusted the gears and soon you were off. Still panting, you looked back at your childhood home and saw your parents tumble out of the front door to try and chase after the car. Your dad tried to chase after the car, but stopped when he realized it was no use. Their figures soon disappeared.

Octavia cheered triumphantly as you turned back to catch your breath. A great big smile stretched across your face. You’d never felt so free before. You looked over to see Jasper still panting but sporting a bright smile as he looked at you. He reached a hand around the back of your head and pulled you in for a passionate kiss. You laughed and basked in the blissful feeling the adrenaline gave you.

Soon the moment passed and you were left holding one another’s hand as Octavia drove you to Bellamy’s apartment. You stayed the night, planned your escape. Apparently Jasper’s parents didn’t know he was leaving either, meaning the two of you were officially on the run. You had to leave town, like, now.

You pooled what money the two of you had, quick to take cash out of your account before your parents could freeze your debit card. Enough to get you out of town and settled in a hotel for a few nights, maybe even a few meals. But you couldn’t afford much without work after that. Lucky for the two of you, a friend from the dorms lived just a town over. You could stay with her a few days while you looked for work.

“What are you going to do?” Bellamy asked with a dark expression as he stared at you.

“What?” You were confused, hadn’t you just laid out your plan?

“Jasper told me you were...you have another problem.” His eyes flashed between the two of you before resting on you again, he was careful to not say anything too pointed.

“Oh...I...I don’t know.” You said under a whisper. Jasper rested a firm hand on your knee.

“How long have you known?” Octavia asked.

“Like a few days. Theres still time to think about it, I just...I just wanna get out right now.” Bellamy nodded his head.

“If you guys need anything, don’t be afraid to call okay?” He handed you a prepaid phone. You thanked them for your help, packed up, and left the next night. You hid under masks and baseball hats as you sat at the bus station. The cool night air brushed against you skin as you admired the bright lights of the street lamps above. Jasper squeezed your hand in his to get your attention. You looked at one another and smiled under your mask.

You’d never tell him this, but during the coarse of your relationship you had always worried about Jasper. Worried that maybe you weren’t as serious as you felt. Maybe you were just a little fun to him, the rush of a forbidden romance being what drove him to you. But now, with him so willing run. So willing to leave his comfortable life just for you. Regardless of the responsibilities that came with it. He chose you, without a second thought, he chose you.

The dark street road was empty and serene. You watched as bats flew down to catch bugs that swarmed the lights above you. Despite your situation, you felt safe and warm there beside him. For the first time, you felt confident that everything is going to be okay.

#jasper jordan #jasper jordan imagine #jasper jordan smut #jasper x reader #jasper jordan x reader #The 100 #the 100 au #The 100 college au #the 100 imagine #jasper jordan x pregnant reader #jasper

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crowleygal · 5 years ago

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Why I feel very little sympathy for Cas

It's basically a case of Make your bed you lie in it. Dean and Cas have always had a complicated history. Their relationship has been full of ups and downs, but for me the good always outweighed the bad. This analysis is only from season 11 on. Before then, I felt that Cas and Dean had a pretty good relationhip. Since season 11 Dean has gone out of his way to try and include Cas. When Cas was a dumbass and said yes to Lucifer, Dean did his best to try and save him. (While Sam was content to leave it to its fate, IIRC) Dean even thanked him for stepping up, when they wouldn't which we know itsn't true. In episode 11.23 Dean aplogizes to Cas if he made Cas feel like they were leaving him out, and calls him family and a brother. Not "like a brother." "You're our brother Cas and the best friend we've ever had." Admittedly, I've only watchd season 12 once but I can't think of any times Dean mistreated Cas or neglected him. Then The Future happened. (Ironcially written by Berens.) In this episode Cas has gone radio silent. He admits he's been ignoring Sam and Dean's messages. (So it seems like the rift with Dean isn't the first time he's done this. Its a pattern) Dean is clearly worried about him. He even tells Cas. "Dean: Cass, you can't – With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay" Castiel: Well, I didn't mean to add to your distress. I – Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again. When you were taken, I searched for months and I couldn't find you. And then Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn't find her. And I just wanted I needed to come back here with a win for you. For myself. Dean: You think you're the only one rolling snake eyes here? Me and Sam, we had her. We had Kelly and we lost her. Then Dean tells him: Dean: We will find a better way. Castiel: You mean, we? Dean: Yes, dumbass. We. You, me, and Sam, we're just better together. So now that you're back, let's go, Team Free Will. Let's get it done. Now its seems like so many people stopped paying attenion after the they saw he mixed tape, becuase so many ignore that Cas used that to lower Dean's defenses and steal the colt. It seems like his sole purpose for coming back was specifically to steal the colt and not to check in. Cas has a history of isolating himself. He does it her. This episode confirmed he had a room at the bunker. He chose not to stay. Dean's upset but at Cas stealing the colt but this is response: :Dean: Well, he hasn't exactly had a banner year. I mean, think about it. Between Lucifer (Blows air) killing Billie, Ramiel, everything's been blowing up in his face. And he's so desperate for a win right now, he can't even see straight. (gestures to truck) Go ahead and give it a try. (Sam climbs in truck) He's stil trying to understand where Cas is coming from. Then at the end of the ep, Cas betrays them for a third time by knocking them concious. Season 13 after Cas's death. Dean is clearly devestated. He even calls Cas his win when he comes back. Cas's response is basically to leave again shortly after. Did Cas even ask Dean how he was doing with all the deaths. When Cas gets kidnapped by Asmodeus, what we are show ON SCREEN is that Sam is the one calling Cas and not recognizing that he was speaking with Cas. But notice how when it comes to to take responsibility, the writers put it on Dean. But at least Dean apologized saying he should have recognized it. So other than that, I can't really think of anything that Dean did that was so horribley wrong that would classify as mistreatment. When Jack killed the snake, both Sam and Dean at this part had no reason to be mad at Jack. Yes, Sam and Dean suspected but Cas knew that Jack's thought process was warped. There was no reason for him to withhold that information. It would have changed how Sam and Dean approached Jack. I don't hold Cas responsible for killing Mary, but I do hold him responsible for lying. Info that if Sam and Dean knew might have prevented Mary's death. Cas is also still with holding info. He hasn't told Sam and Dean about his deal. If he can't be honset he has no right to question why Dean doesn't trust him. Jack was a danger to everything and everyone around him at this time. Where exactly was Cas? He has the nerve to lecture Sam and Dean about their decisions but maybe they could ask if he stuck around. Time wise, in , from 14.17-15.03, two to threes weeks passed at most. Dean's grief was still very raw. Maybe what he needed was space. Did Cas really show any remorse for Mary's death? Not really. Maybe what Dean needed was a little bit of space rather than Cas trying to force the issue. But Dean seems to be the one character not allowed that. Now, on the other end of coin, I remember when Jack said Dean didn't matter. Cas didn't say a word in Dean's defence. He ceratinly didn't seem to care that Dean would die if used the gun. Did Cas stick around in case Dean needed him after the whole Michael possession? Cas and Dean have never been buddy/buddy. 90% of their relationship has been call when you need something (on both sides). There have been minimal refernces to Cas and Dean going out for beers or just hanging out. We don't see Cas just popping in or calling to see how Dean is doing, but now it seems people want to punish Dean for relationship with Cas that they never had. If Cas thinks that just because Dean might be upset with him he doesnt' care than Cas never really knew Dean at all and didn't care too. There is ample evidece. The amount of times Dean has called him family. Refusing to leave purgatory without him, greiving his death hard, not once but twice, keeping the trenchcoat, Calling Cas his win. Its right there. Just becuase the writers chose to ignore it doesn't mean I have too. So they are right that this relationship is one sided but its Dean doing the majority of the giving. No matter how a person feels about Dean and Cas's rift, he doesn't have any issue with Sam. So why is he not answering Sam's calls? This is a pattern with Cas and happened long before any fights. he has no reason too. Its a CHOICE Cas is making. Once again he's choosing to cut himself off. Cas not talking to Sam is not on Dean. Again he's choosing to ignore calls, and again NOT the first time. So if he's feeling alone, its becuase he chose to isolate himself. He chose to constantly take off and go it alone, despite Dean and Sam reaching out to him. Dean is still clearly worried because he wanted to make sure Cas knew about God. He's right when there is nothing else they can do. Dean sholdn't be expected to chase after Cas. It should not always be on his shoulders to make the relationship work. He's put himself out there plenty and had his share of rejection. So for Berens to push that Cas has always been this lonely neglected, woobie, and Dean is just a mean bully is manipulative writing 101. the show is acting like Dean has been holding the grudge over Mary for months. Its been weeks at most. People keep saying Cas is hurting, sure, I get that, but Dean is too. He had to feel betrayed that his best friend chose his mother's murderer, didn't care that he would die. Dean was always the biggest believer in free will. He even coined Team Free will, so finding out they never had it, had to hit him the hardest. He also has to be questioning whether Cas was ever truly on their side or just a plant from God. Whether you think Dean owes Cas an apology, I'm not here to tell you otherwise, but the situation is not a black and white as Berens presented it. That entire scene was unfair to Dean becuase it presented a very simplisitc, shallow view of a complicated situation. It ignored years of history for a couple of isolated scenes, and it didn't give Dean dialogue. So, maybe if Cas feels so isolated and wants to find out why, maybe one of the first things he needs to do is take a long look in the mirror. He said "had a friend" Cas ended that friendship. Not Dean. If Dean didnt' care they wouldn't have been trying to warn Cas to be careful. He's angry but he certainly doesn't hate Cas. So IMO, at lot of this situation is Cas's own doing and of his own making. He owes Dean an apology as much as Dean might owe him one. Until then, I like the way Jensen has been playing it. Cool, aloof, but obviously, still concerned. Relationships are are a two way street and I would also like Cas to take a long hard look at how he treated Dean, because he isn't blameles for the current state of their relationship. Sorry so long, but I don't know how to do a cut.

#My Thoughts #Dean Winchester #SPN spoilers #15.03 #Cas is not as innocent #Dean needs space to grieve #Berens is not a good writer

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brokenjardaantech · 4 years ago

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captain allen appreciation week 2020 day 3: coffee

summary: three times allen, coffee hater, is offered coffee, one time he drinks coffee, and one time he offers coffee.

notes:

mass effect: andromeda au. connor is the human pathfinder. hank is his second. 60 is called clement here and is a member of the team. allen is an exile they recruited.

----

‘Coffee, Lou?’

No one has called him that for so long that it takes Allen a few seconds to realize that Clement is talking to him. Looking up from the pistol he is cleaning - a nice Carnifex that Hank and Connor, for some reason, bought but never used - he sees that the younger Ryder is holding a steaming cup in his hands carefully.

‘There’s only one cup,’ Allen says, dumbfounded. The lack of resources allows the Pathfinder team a lot of liberties and neither the Pathfinder nor his second are picky about the people on their team, but someone who is supposedly working for the Nexus being friendly to him… he’s still getting used to it.

‘I realized that you have not had the pleasure to have my mother’s coffee,’ Clement explains, ‘so I made one for you. It’s made from real beans.’

‘You went all the way back to the Hyperion,’ Allen stares. Hard. Should it make sense? ‘To make me coffee. While there’s a coffee maker right next door.’ He gestures at the door.

A shrug. ‘Why not? Connor and Hank won’t be back for a few more hours at least. I have time and...’ he averts his gaze and...is that a blush? ‘I want to share this with you. It has always been a great source of comfort for me.’

‘Comfort, huh?’ Allen wonders, pondering how to reject the man politely. He never likes coffee that much, the drink too bitter for his taste and the caffeine making his heart race and making him feel like he’s going to have a heart attack for hours, but what - or who - he does like is Clement. Dreamy, easily-distracted Clement who probably just wants to share his deceased mother’s coffee with his new friend (are they even friends?) when his brother and not-quite brother-in-law are out there being the heroes of the cluster by dealing with bureaucrats. ‘Why don’t you make one for yourself?’

‘I… I don’t want to waste good coffee.’

Clement looks so unsure now that Allen wants to stand up to hug him. ‘You drink it,’ the former exile tells him. ‘I don’t like coffee anyways.’

Clement visibly relaxes. Taking a sip of Actual Milky Way Bean Juice, he asks, ‘Can I watch you?’

The question comes so suddenly that Allen’s brain fails to deliver anything. ‘Uh…’ he indicates the disassembled pistol and the assorted mods scattered around the triangular table. ‘If you want to see me piece all this back together, sure. Go ahead.’

The other man slides smoothly onto the couch and sits close to Allen, the smell of coffee assaulting him and nearly making him sneeze. At this proximity, he can feel the heat radiating off Clement, and when he reaches for the parts he placed far away, he discovers that he can’t do so without pressing against the younger Ryder twin.

Clement doesn’t move away. Neither does Allen ask him to.

----

‘Coffee, Lou?’

‘They have coffee?’

Allen is exhausted from the fight against - what’s that called again? Ah - the Architect. Sure, he grew up in the middle of nowhere in Alaska, but fighting a robot as tall as a building in a -50ºC cold is not fun at all. My scientists went missing his ass. That damned thing was a nightmare and caught them unaware, and he hopes that he’ll never have to deal with one again. It took four of them - Connor, Hank, Clement, and Allen himself - half an hour to take down that thing.

And of course the Initiative wants a fucking report.

‘Yes,’ says Clement from his seat next to Allen. ‘Coffee is considered an essential substance for every Initiative outpost. Taerve Uni possesses an abundant supply.’

No matter how much Allan blinks, the blur of the words doesn’t fade away. ‘Don’t like coffee.’

‘But it looks like you need some.’

‘I don’t -’ His jaw cracks open in another yawn. OK. Maybe he isn’t as awake as he thinks he is. ‘Stil no fucking coffee for me, though.’

‘Understood.’

Allen puts the datapad aside and takes a good look at Clement, noting his drooping eyelids and the way his eyes are unfocused. Someone is as tired as him.

‘Where’s your brother?’ Allen asks when he notices the absence of the Pathfinder and his second-in-command.

‘On the Tempest.’

The former exile very nearly cracks his head open on the table. ‘Did you just watch me work my ass off and decided not to tell me that our bosses are fucking resting?’

Clement looks taken aback. ‘I thought - I don’t wish to interrupt you.’

Allen sighs. ‘Listen, I - I appreciate that,’ he says as he digs a knuckle into his eye, ‘but you don’t have to follow me around. You can go back first. I see you’re tired.’

‘But I want to spend more time with you!’

The silence ensured is thick enough to be cut through with an omni-blade. Clement, as if just realizing what he said, blushes a very lovely shade of pink before putting his face in his hands.

It is adorable.

Allen chuckles. ‘Look at me, Clement.’

The twin peers at him through the gaps between his fingers. Chuckling, the older man removes Clement’s hands from his face, and he laces their fingers together instead of letting go. Clement goes impossibly redder.

‘I want to spend more time with you too,’ Allen says. Stumbling for words, he adds, ‘I like you. A lot.’ Fuck. He’s so out of practice. ‘I think,’ he leans closer so that they’re breathing the same air, ‘getting together will be a great idea.’

A small, whispered ‘Yes!’ from Clement, and the next moment they are kissing; just a gentle press of their lips, Allen’s hands flying to the back of Clement’s head while Clement traces Allen’s cheekbone, and they’re grinning at each other like idiots when they part for air.

‘Should we go back?’ Allen suggests, his voice low. Clement shivers. ‘Crew’s quarters should be empty at this time. We can watch a vid. Hoard all the blankets and cuddle underneath them.’

Clement kisses him again.

‘I’ll take that as a yes.’

----

‘Coffee, Lou?’

‘Don’t like coffee.’

‘I know. However, seeing that you’re not planning to go to sleep, you’ll need something to keep you up.’

‘As if this is not enough?’ Allen waves his datapad. ‘A space station as large as a metropolis? The angara - created? The Scourge - a weapon of mass destruction? How -’ realizing that his voice is raising, he takes a deep breath to calm down - ‘How can you be so calm about this?’

Clement blinks, his face devoid of any expression. ‘Calm, or numb?’

Allen feels like an idiot. ‘Clement, I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s alright,’ says the other man gently. Sliding into Allen’s lap, Clement wraps his arms around the older man’s waist and hooks his chin on his shoulder. ‘You’re not the only one who’s shocked.’

‘I keep telling myself that if I know more about the network, I’ll be less terrified of it.’ A sigh. ‘Evidently, it only makes things worse. Now I’m not even sure if I want to stay in Heleus.’

‘There’s no me outside of Heleus.’

Allen hums. ‘You’re right,’ he kisses Clement’s temple. ‘Stay with me?’

‘Go sleep with me. Connor will want you at peak condition.’

Ah yes. The classic ‘blame everything on my brother’ excuse. ‘Of course.’

He switches off the datapad and promptly picks Clement up with his arms supporting his thighs. Clement shrieks in surprise and wraps his legs around Allen’s waist, cheeks turning pink and giggling uncontrollably even after Allen carefully deposits him onto the lower bunk farther away from the bathroom, the one they have been sharing for the past couple of months as they sail around the cluster and fix everyone’s mess. It is small and low, made for one average-sized person, but they make do by having Clement sleep with half his body on top of Allen. Or having Allen crush Clement underneath him with his bulk, which has become their preferred position to sleep in. They get to stay close to each other, so although cramped, they won’t have it any other way.

Allen presses a kiss onto the nape of Clement’s neck. ‘Night.’

‘Night, Lou.’

----

Allen loses track of how long he’s been sitting there simply looking at Clement.

They have Meridian. They have the coordinates. They have a fleet of Remnant ships. They’re supposed to make for a final push towards the heart of the network. They’re supposed to, at fucking last, make Heleus their new home.

Not the Archon taking the Hyperion. Not SAM being disconnected from the Ryder twins. Not Connor scrambling his brains to try to summon even more Remnant to help fight the kett.

Not Clement nearly dying because he apparently needs SAM to survive.

The med bay door opens and Hank steps in, looking like he’s just aged ten years, his eyes cold and harsh like Alaskan winters.

But his tone is warm when he asks Allen, ‘How’s he?’

Allen holds Clement’s hand to ground himself. ‘Bad. If we don’t retake SAM soon… Heleus will have a lot less kett by the time I’m done. How’s Connor?’

‘He’s gotten used to SAM boosting his physiology, so the crash is a bitch. But he’ll live. He’s just sleeping it away. And, uh,’ a shrug, ‘don’t suppose you have contacts with some of the exiles?’

‘Not much,’ Allen says. ‘I didn’t exactly play with the folks from Kadara or Elaaden.’

‘“Not much”? So you do have contacts?’

‘Believe it or not, quite a number of people left for Eos and started their own governments there.’ At Hank’s skeptical eyebrow, he continues, ‘Most of them owe me their lives. I can try to contact them, but seeing that they live in caves, I doubt many of them are space-worthy.’

‘There’s no harm in trying,’ says the N7. ‘If they can’t go to Meridian, they can at least defend Prodromos while most of their personnel are gone.’

Allen nods in understanding, and Hank leaves to presumably return to Connor’s side. As the door to Pathfinder’s Quarters closes, he lets go very reluctantly and goes to the crew quarters to make himself a cup of coffee. Sure, stim packs might have worked better than caffeine, but he doesn’t know how long it will be until everyone’s ready to launch an assault against the Archon, and he cannot afford the crash after the effects of the stim pack is worn off; coffee, no matter how bad it tastes, is the best option he has.

If only Clement can see this.

----

‘Coffee, Clement?’

Clement looks into the most beautiful green eyes he’s ever seen when he wakes up. The smell of coffee - not the shitty ones on the Tempest but the ones from his mother’s coffee maker - fills the air, and when he receives the sweetest of kisses from his boyfriend, he knows that they’ve won.

#allen art week #allen appreciation #dbh hank anderson #dbh connor #dbh connor 60 #allen60 #hankcon #dbh allen #detroit: become human #allenartweek #allenappreciation

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niallhoranswife · 5 years ago

Text

college life

warnings:rape, fluff

Here you where second year of college. You just lived a normal college life nothing too weird, you went to party’s, did homework and had a pretty normal friend group. You always liked everybody and you had a pretty good personality.But there was one person who always got under your skin, and that was, Harry fucking Styles. He was the typical douche, he got all teh girls what wasn’t that surprising to be honest he was a good looking guy. But that was the only good thing about him. He would brag about girls he fucked and go into detail, what he shouldn’t do sex is a private thing you thought. But mister douche Styles didn’t care. And for some reason he loved to get under your skin he loved it. The stupid comments he would make or the hot smug after the comment it would always make you go insane and would leave a little ache between your legs. But that’s enough about Harry, you had to be in class in about 10 minutes so you rushed out the door.

You ran into History class and took a seat, You where on your periodt so you wheren’t in your normal happy mood and with your luck a long white boy with brown curls sat next you. “Y/N how ya doiiiing?” Harry said “I was fine until you came here so just sh” you bite back. “okay love calm down bloody hell” when he said his accent came out and you had to say it was hot. You wonderd how it would sound all low and raspy when he pushed you against the wall and- “alright class where did we end last time?” the talking of your teacher shook you out of the thoughts.

The lesson was going until Harry snatched your notebook. He never moved from the seet next to you what was already annoying enough. “Harry wtf” you whisperd. Instead of answering he started writing in the notebook, you didn’t know why or what but you just ignored it. 2 minutes later the notebook gets shoved back in your hands you read what it said in the notebook it said “i heard you are really fucking good in history and i’m failing so could ya maybe help” you just looked at him and he gave you the prettiest smile ever. You wrote “let me think about that, uuhm. No” you gave the notebook back. He starting writing again and then you and it went on and on until you read “If you do it I will pay you and maybe even go on a date with you”. You didn’t care about the date you didn’t even want it but you needed money every little amount would count so you said yes. And then the bell rang.

After History you didn’t talk to Harry you didn’t care. You where just thinking about what to wear for a party tonight, It was a friday night and there was a party at the frat house. you decided to dress and do your hair at your bestfriend Emma’s dorm. You knew her since you where 8 years old and you never grew apart. You are even saving for a house with her to live in together, When you came to her dorm she was already getting ready and her boyfriend Niall was there. “Hi buba” Emma greeted you “Are you ready babes?” “Yeah i’m to just let it all go again it’s been a rough week” you said back. You whore some mom jeans instead of a dress they showed your not so big but nice ass, you wore it with a pretty revealing crop top and some converse. You wanted to dress a little comfy tonight nothing to special.

When you arrive at the frat house you can hear the music from outside. The moment you walk inside you can already see your friend group and...Harry. He locks eyes with you and starts walking towards you “Y/N! have an answer yet love” he asked “Yes I do, I will help you with history but i will need to be ayed every session we have.” you answered “Okay miss “I want money”.” The rest of the night was fun some dancing and a lot of drinks. You where pretty horny and hadn’t really been fucked much after you broke up with your ex, so you where looking for it tonight in the hope to find someone who didn’t car eyou where on your periodt. You saw Harry look at you dancing sometimes through out the night but ignored him. You wanted to see if he was doing it again but saw he dissapeard.

An hour later and more drinks in you felt your tampon go down and panicked you ran to the toilet to change it. The moment you went out the stall and was ready to back to the party you felt someone grab your arm and push you in a room you. It was dark and you didn’t see anything. You felt to arms slitter around your waist and whisper “calm down sexy it’s okay” the stranger said. You didn’t reconize the voice and the “sexy” turned you off. “get of me” you screamed so loud. But he didn’t let go. he pushed you on a weird couch you didn’t now why it was there. You still never saw a face. You just felt hands unbutten your jeans and undo your zipper. That was the moment you realized what was happening. You screamed and screamed until a hand got on top off your mouth.you felt hopeless when a finger started rubbing yo clit through your underwear. when you where about to try and scream again the door bursted open and a light turned on. There he was Harry, your only hope in that moment. You hated it but ignored all the hate you had for him in that moment and looked at him with watery eyes and kicked the stranger. The moment Harry realized the image in front of him he ran to the stranger and pushed him of and hit him. You didn’t look you just sat up and looked foward you felt numb. The stranger ran out the room and it was quiet. you felt the couch lower on one side you knew it was harry but stil flinched. It stayed quiet until he spoke up “are you okay?” normally you would lie and say “yes” but you could’t you just looked at him and cried. He got closer and hugged you. You didn’t hug back you where comfy but also uncomfy. He held you he REALY held you. tight. he kissed the top of your head and whispered “it will all be okay”. And then you heard a person walk in and say “Y/N!’.

A/N: This is my first ever fanfic idk if it’s good let me know if you even want a part 2 and give me any tips feel free to say anything. also sorry for any typeoss i’m not english so yeah. I HOPE YOU LIKED IT <3

#harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff

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magnoliawhetstone · 5 years ago

Text

broken glass

trigger warnings: mentions of body shaming, eating disorder, verbal abuse, breaking things, perfectionism and self hate.

no, no no no no no. fingers rapidly swept over the flat surface of the maghony wood next to her bed. alarmed, the blonde sat straight up, her eyes still adjusting to the bright light of the day as they flew to the nightstand in haste. It has to be here. There is no way its not here. She repeated, silently, as if it was a prayer to some deity. Every day after work, lia had a very specific routine--one that never, ever was messed with. She’d walk in the door, take her shoes off and place them in the closet, along with her coat if she had one. She’d relish the feeling of bare carpet on her feet and move toward her bedroom, taking a detour in the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Then, as she’d enter the room, she’d carefully take out her favorite copy of pride and prejudice and set it in its rightful place: on her nightstand, closet to her bed. That was where it lived when it wasn’t in her bag. That was where it should have been this morning--and yet it wasn’t.

Lia had very few real, physical reminders of her home in south carolina--or, for that matter, her family. Why would she? The Barnes demanded perfection in every single ounce of their life. From their outfits, to their manners to the two offspring they produced. It was be perfect or die trying. And, when the family realized that lia was not their perfect doll of a daughter--better known as the incident--they sent her away. They physically removed their love from her life and disowned her in almost any way but officially. Well, her parents did anyway. Her brother, on the other hand, was far more complicated. He couldn’t go against them, or anything that he would do for the rest of his life would be ruined too. But Bennett loved her--she knew that. When her mother would make a remark on her appearance, you could bet later on that day there’d be a note from him that said that he thought she looked beautiful. When her father failed to show pride at her new baton twirl trick, Bennett was the one who had cheered her on as she practiced. It was easy to say that Lia’s life had been hard--because it had been. But for every moment of love her parents took from her, Bennett did his best to replace it and more.

Saying goodbye to him was the worst part about being sent away--because Lia knew it meant that he’d very likely stop talking to her. Her mother had made it clear--when she could learn to behave and stop being so dramatic--she could come home. What she meant was: when you can learn to be perfect and a desirable wife, we’ll make some room for you to come back. But Lia knew that’d be impossible now. The world knew about her incident, even if they didn’t know the full details. She would never get that black scar of her back. So this was goodbye, in it’s most real form. As the blonde turned to head through airport security, she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around. It was Bennett, handing her a copy of her favorite book--pride and prejudice.

“Mags--I’m sorry. You deserve better and I know that this book was your escape while you were here. I just hope you know that no matter what--I’m always gonna try to give you that better.” Those were the last words she heard before she left for London--and while they weren’t the last words she heard from him, their communication had been sparse since that day.

But they were the words she heard every time she opened the book. It was now tattered, the cover was damaged, the pages yellowed and slightly frayed--notes everywhere in the margins. Lia had poured herself into the pages of Elizabeth and Darcy’s love stories, every time she had a bad day, every moment she had felt less than or unworthy. Even on her best days, she felt solace in celebrating with them. The book was her security blanket, her tether, the only thing she had left of that life behind her.

And now, it was gone.

“No!” she breathed, her body tense with the panic of losing this book. Where could she have put it? Where did it go? Her heart raced as she threw back the covers and searched frantically for the novel. She hadn’t read it in about a week, so it shouldn’t have been in bed with her, but she thought to check anyway. Nope, not there. Flying out her bed, hair still sporting it’s unappealing just got out of bed look, she ran to the kitchen. She hadn’t seen Murphy in a while, but even if she had, she wouldn’t have cared about her looks. Strange for her, but there was nothing more important in her life right now than finding this novel

She threw open kitchen cabinets, rummaged through drawers. She dug deep within her bag, and another one--and still another one. Through coat pockets and bookshelves and nooks and crannys. The blonde tore every inch of their immaculate apartment apart until it looks like someone had tried to break in multiple times. And stil, no sign of the book.

She slumped down, back against a wall as she let out the more inhuman that the blonde has ever created. “I can’t--I can’t---” Words had ceased to flow to her brain as a tidal wave of emotion rocked through her--and suddenly, those perfectly crafted stone walls, the ones she had erected years ago, gave way. The debris flew to every inch of her soul as the tears streamed from her face, pooling on her arms as she cried.

“Do you really need another bag of chips?” The woman at subway asked, raising her brow.

“Oh, sorry honey, looks like you’ll need a size 6 this year.” “A size 6?” Her mother would screech, dragging the blonde out of the store. “I thought I told you that you needed to be a size 4. This is unacceptable, Magnolia. Miss America can’t be a size SIX!”

“Magnolia, darling.” Father started, after she had finished sharing about Clemson’s English department--a school she had dreamed about going to for a bit of time. “You know that college isn’t for you, right? That’s Bennett’s thing. Pageantry is a full time job, like your momma says. And besides, why do you need to get a degree to read books? That won’t help you as a wife.”

“Magnolia--look, you’re pretty. Stunning. Gorgeous---but not...not to date. I mean, I don’t really see myself dating anyone right now. Can’t we just...hook up and not make this a big deal? I said you’re pretty.”

“Lia-- you know your role. Sit on my arm, look pretty and try not to stuff your face with those hors d'oeuvres like you did last time. I didn’t hire you to eat, goddamn it.” Her boss barked before they entered the gala.

The words repeated over and over and over again, sobs wracked her body like a nine point earthquake on the Richter scale. Every new memory that arrived, a hard cry would follow. All those years she hid behind those walls, that perfect smile, were all laid to waste in a matter of seconds. Whatever grounding the book had given her had left and she was stuck with just herself. Broken shards and shattered remnants of the girl she thought she was becoming--and the one she was desperate to leave behind.

After the initial tears had flowed, she pulled herself up and headed to the bathroom. Her usual brightness was now a dark cloud and she felt like she was simply dead weight, dragging herself from one place to another. Lia braced herself over the sink and looked up at her reflection. Red puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks looked back at her and she felt disgusted. This was not the version of herself she wanted, this broken, sad, pained face pleading with her in the mirror. “NO!” she shouted, uncharacteristically and full of anger that she had never displayed before, Picking up the closest thing she could find, she chucked it at her reflection, shattering the mirror. There, now it looked exactly the way she felt. Broken, jagged, unable to fulfill its purpose, useless.

Shards of glass littered around her as she once again sank down to the floor. She was thankful it hadn’t hit her--and she had no idea how she was going to explain this to Murphy, or anyone else. But that was not her concern right now. Nothing was. For now...for now she let her pain settle in her heart, and she closed her eyes. She wanted a break, and it looked like this would be the perfect time to take one. Lia just hoped the silence would stay silent just this once.

@malnatimedia

#tw body shaming #tw eating disorde #tw self hate #tw verbal abuse #tw breaking things #tw perfectionism #[[inner monologue; para]]

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lizzieparker · 5 years ago

Text

you can count on me; like one, two, three.

tagging: @mattschue @lizzieporter

location: A bar.

time frame: May 1st. Late afternoon.

about: Matt and Lizzie talk about some things, million years ago.

warnings: Some explicit talk, nothing major.

Matt didn’t know how to go about with what Lizzie asked him earlier on the day because it was a part of his life that he hadn’t forgotten about but it also felt like it belonged to another man. They finished their shift and went down the block that they sometimes hung out at after work. He ordered a pint and picked up whatever she wanted and they found a table off in a corner. “Soooo.” He started and chuckled. “Why are you asking about my ho days, Lizs?”

Lizzie didn't even try to fight going out with Matt after her shift, mostly because she still got happy that any of her friends wanted to spend time with her, even when Matt and her had become family years ago. Stil, she appreciated that he still wanted her around after all this time. Once they arrived to the place they always hang out, she ordered a beer for her own and some french fries so they could share. "You are making such a big deal ouf of this, I swear" She rolled eyes for good measure, as she put her hair in a high ponytail. "I just asked cause it interests me how you, you know, stopped with the hoe life"

“Hey now. It’s not everyday I get you asking this kind of question. And it reminds me of when I asked myself something along the lines because I had reached a place where I knew I needed to change.” He plucked a hot fry from basket and bit into it. “It wasn’t something that stopped like that.” He tried to snap the fingers on his left hand but it wasn’t the same and failed. “I slipped here and there. But I tried to actually date. That was the difference from before when I was getting drunk and fucking around.” He popped the rest of the fry into his mouth and brought his beer over. “I wasn’t happy, Lizs. There were many years I was so damn miserable that drinking and a warm body made me feel better. For a while. Then it was back to this existence. One I had very little purpose in. If it wasn’t for the work we do and the chief giving me a second chance...I don’t know where I’d be.” He sighed. “That question. It’s not one I can just say I fell in love and that was it. Because it’s not. It was a lot of mental shit, too.”

It didn't take more than a couple of minutes to know this was not going to be an easy conversation and, as always that Matt spoke about his Matt 1.0, she gave him a sympathetic smile and nodded along with his words. She felt incredibly lucky that he shared all of this with her, every time. "I think we are all very lucky to have this job, and each other. And I'm very proud of you, of everything you are now. I think it takes a lot of balls" Lizzie reached for a fry, trying her best to buss herself so she did not start getting emotional already. "I don't... I don't know if it feels like that for me" She shrugged lightly, biting her fry. "I just like sex, you know? It's nice and I have fun. And right now Max and I both are in a position where we both trying to ease into something more and it's fine. More than fine, actually" A little smile played on her lips, private and more for herself than anything. "But we are working towards something more and I want to be ready. I don't want to screw it up"

“What’s not to like about sex? It’s fun and you can do all sorts of things. Get kinky or do it quick in the bathroom. It’s a high. A thrill. And it releases all these endorphins. So you feel fucking incredible when you have a good fuck. Hell, even having a fuck buddy has its perks but it’s not the same. Because you know it’s not going to move into a place where you can have a future with that person.” Matt listened to her and smiled because he saw himself as a brother to Lizs and to hear she wanted to try with someone is a big step. “Can I ask why you feel you can with Max but didn’t with Mason?”

At the beginning of Matt's comment, Lizzie made a face, more out of habit than anything else but it didn't mean it didn't got her thinking. It was so easy to imagine a future with Max and they had even talk about it. It was nice to start thinking about them as a unit, because Lizzie didn't had that in a long time, not since Kelsey. She was in the middle of taking a sip of her beer when his questions almost made the glass fall of her hand, making her do some weird moves to catch. "Jesus, Matt! Warn a girl before you bring up the emotional baggage, god!" She took a long sip, letting it on the table. "I... God, I... I don't know? There is a lot of things, I guess. There is no guilt with Max, no pressure to change my life in a second" It was impossible to not feel her heart clench in her chest uncomfortably, a needed reminder that things were not completely over. "I wanted Mason so much that I never realized I had everything I ever wanted, all the easy and the fun and the been supported exactly how you are thing right in front of me" She shook her head, biting the inside of her lip. "It's two very different feelings"

“I’m sorry! But I know you and Mason had this thing and then didn’t have a thing and then had a thing again. So I figured it was worth asking. Don’t get me wrong. I like how happy you looked talking about Max and if this is something you feel you can have something good with. Then explore it with him. Because you know when you’ve found your person. There are good people who come and go in your life but when you meet the one who just gets you. Who gets you when you’re happy and things are going good and who gets you when you feel like shit, and they don’t want to run away. That’s something fucking special.”

"It's off again. Sort of" And now she kinda wanted to cry again. This was just how Artie said, Matt had a way to get everything out of you without trying. "He knows about Mason, you know? About the whole thing. He knows everything that has happened and how much it still hurts everyday. And he just... Holds me until it goes away. I'm sure that if he had the opportunity Mason would have done the same, or maybe not, but right now, whenever I feel sad or upset, the only person I want to hold me is Max."

Matt took a sip from his beer and noticed the way she spoke and how she spoke that the whole Mason thing was a trigger for her. He set his glass down and went around the table and sat next to her. Matt shoulder bumped her and hoped it would help bring her back around from that place he took her to. “Hey.” He said as he peered over at her. “It looks like you found that person you can talk to about what’s going on. That’s major, Lizs.”

Lizzie's eyes widened a bit but didn't offer any resistance to Matt sitting beside her. In fact, she rested her body against his side, enjoying the feeling of him supporting her in more ways than one. "I know. It feels major" She closed her eyes for a second, trying to organize her thoughts. "He also high fives me when I get to sit on a big dick, so there is that" She chuckled weakly, burrowing herself a little more against Matt. "That's why it feels important to not screw it up. Again"

Matt could try to keep this conversation serious and he did wrap his arm around her in a half hug before moving his hand over to playfully mess with her hair. “You do the high five while one the saddle or afterwards?” He laughed at this. “So why come and ask me about how I knew to move past my ho days? You think you’re ready to close the gates to people other than Mighty Max?”

Lizzie giggled as her moved her hair, moving his hand down with a grunt. "Afterwards. There is something really hot about a man who can appreciate a good big dick" She felt herself relax, going back to drinking her beer. "Not right now, he got stuff to get over it as well as I do. And right now it's fun, you know? We are both on the same page and we talk a lot about things, like adults, what is really weird but anyway. I know I'm gonna want that at some point soon and you said it was a process so, I thought I should start doing research"

"Are you saying that about me or about Max appreciating his own cock? Because it sounds like you want me to go over and ask him to show it off to me so I can high five him myself." Matt laughed at this. "It's not research, Lizs. You just...fall into it. B and I knew each other awhile before I asked him out. Not personally but we'd talk and joke. He became the first and last person I want to talk it and I share everything with him. And I mean everything. Bets and I didn't have that and most of the time she tuned me out. B listens. Even to my stupid and crazy. Which, by the way, you're sleeping in a cot at the foot of our bed after the three of us get hitched. Blaine's convinced you need an actual bed so I figure that's a good compromise." He joked. "When do I get to officially meet this guy?" Matt reached over for his beer and brought it over.

"I was saying it like Max appreciates dicks in general but honestly, do you think I would even think in going exclusive with nothing but an outstanding dick? Don't you know me better than that? Please Matt, let's be serious here" Blaine and Matt's love story always made her swoon, no matter how many times she heard, because they both talked about it with some love it filled the entire room. It was amazing. "Wait, why?! I let you use my bodywash!" She playfully punched his arm, but not enough to make him drop his drink. "You want to?" Her cheeks went slightly red, something she tried to hide with her glass, but she couldn't help but grin. "You will see him sometime soon around the station. He and Drew want to come play with the new puppy"

Matt had to give it to Lizzie because she was honest about what it is she wants and makes it clear; clear enough for the table next to them to hear. All he could do was laugh at this, shaking his head at her. “Because the main bed belongs to B and me. Or you can sleep in the guest room with Buster. But then you miss out on the sexy show B and I put on almost every night.” There was no way anyone was actually seeing that but he liked to tease. “Well yeah. This guy with the big dick that has you thinking about being exclusive. I want to meet him. Maybe talk to him. And is Drew his kid?”

#sbpara #para: matt #para

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baenxietydad · 5 years ago

Text

alpha desperation march aka finding nemo part 7 || mu jun

@moon-yeongjun

Word Count: 4521

Date: July 8th, 2020

TL;DR: Mu Jun has my entire heart, brotp: swynlake is better with you in it, damn it

tw: climate change is mentioned, suicide is mentioned

MARLIN:

The second the door slammed behind Nemo, Mu-yeol’s eyes that had stung with tears the past several minutes overflowed and with his son gone, he allowed himself the long, pitiful, ugly cry he needed. As much as he wanted to go after Nam-min he wouldn’t do that to him and humiliate him in front of the entire Hollow - as if he didn’t do that daily, by virtue of living.

He laughed bitterly as he began to run out of tears and once his nose stopped running he reached for his phone to call Jun. Surely Nemo ran off to Tae’s, and he couldn’t exactly call Eun-jung and try to explain to her why Nemo was at her house.

“Jun?” Mu-yeol said before Jun had even said hello.

JUN:

Why the hell was Mu-yeol calling?

He was in the back of the store, handling some emails when his phone buzzed. He picked it up and expected one of his many distributors or partners since Jun had made all calls to the store get rerouted to his cell phone-- just in case, eh? He had to be reliable no matter the hour--

And so part of him thought about making it go to silent because he was working, wasn’t he? Tcch, what time was it even…?

Ah, after 17:00, he supposed most people (not Jun though) were done working by then. Maybe Mu-yeol was calling on behalf of Nemo about some trip or event…

He answered it on the last ring and his hyung’s voice crackled over the line, thick and-- wrong. Jun knew right away.

He blinked. “Mu-yeol hyung? Is everything alright?”

MARLIN:

Did he sound that bad? He must, it felt like he cried until he’d cried all he could for the rest of his life. He wiped the last of the wetness from his eyes and cheeks and cleared his throat.

“Is...my son isn’t with Tae right now...is he?”

JUN:

Ah, not again.

Jun flashed back to just a few months ago to when he’d gotten a call just like this one. Well, actually he’d gotten some texts and then he’d had to text Tae and caught him in a lie. Jun huffed and rubbed at his temple. That huff was not toward Mu-yeol of course. If anyone, it was against Nemo, who was a real piece of work, wasn’t he? So dramatic! Flying off the handle-- no fairy pun intended!

“I ah, I don’t know, I’m-- I’m at the store right now, hyung. I can call Tae-yah? Did you get into another fight?”

MARLIN:

“Um…” he trailed off and cleared his throat again. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

And that’s when you knew it was bad. When he swore in English.

“No it’s okay. I think he’s smarter than to go there this time. Don’t worry about it, I’ll...figure it out.”

JUN:

Jun had never heard Mu-yeol like this.

He sat up straighter as the concern ballooned larger than before. There must have been a fight, but why was this so different from last time? How long had Nemo already been gone before his appa had decided to call Jun? Was the boy in danger?

Jun stopped this train of thought himself because he didnt know all the facts. The only things he did know where-- 1. Nemo was missing and 2. Mu-yeol needed help. More than one type of help.

“Hyung, hyung, it’s okay,” Jun repeated. “Please, let me help you, eh? Tell me what happened. We’ll find Nam-min together.”

MARLIN:

“No, it’s not, it's not, he said he hated me and that he may as well be dead to me too now, and it’s all my fault. I know I’m in the wrong here, I know — and he wasn’t supposed to — fuck, fuck.” He paced back and forth, or rather, his wings flit behind him as he hovered from one end of their house to the other, and repeat.

“No, I. If he’s not with Tae, I think I know where he went. I’ll ask Olaf and it should be fine. He’s safe if he’s with Olaf and Sindri.”

JUN: Jun had no clue who Olaf and Sindri were. Frankly, he didn’t care less.

What he cared about was Mu-yeol and, yes, Nemo. Whatever happened--it didn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. He had to keep Mu-yeol calm and learn the facts as quickly as possible. And right now, not even Mu-yeol knew all those facts.

“Let me call Tae-yah first,” said Jun gently and calmly. “He could be at my house. You know how those boys are, eh? Even if he isn’t, he could’ve heard from Nemo. And we can go from there, eh? Why don’t you meet me at the Moon Market? By the time you get here, I’ll have more answers for you.”

And Mu-yeol, by the sound of it, shouldn’t be alone right now.

MARLIN:

He should be alone, actually. Deserved to be. Forever, in fact! His son was right to not want anything to do with him and he would have been right even before this.

Yeah.

This was just what he deserved.

But he agreed anyway, to meet Jun at the store, and thanked him for his help.

“Hi.” He said quietly, when he got to the store, unconsciously wringing his hands together.

JUN: Jun did as he said he would and called Tae, and he badgered his brother until he could confirm that Nemo wasn’t there and hadn’t contacted him either. He double-checked with Eomma just to be absolutely positive, though he did not want to worry her. Naturally, he did anyway. But this might be a situation for worry. There was always a time and place; a missing 16-year-old sparrow boy plus a distraught, unstable father felt like one of those times.

He made Tae promise to let him know right away if Nemo did reach out.

All this did not take a long time. Maybe ten minutes of phone calls. Then, Jun could only wait for his hyung while his own concern grew and grew. If only Mu-yeol had told him what happened. It had to be some fairy thing maybe… or maybe just...so bad to truly humiliate him.

What could do such a thing?

When Mu-yeol arrived, Jun ushered him quickly into the back of the store. “Come, come,” he said. “Sit.” He gestured to the chair by the desk where the ancient Moon Market computer sat. “Do you need something to drink? We have-- well, everything. Here, hyung, let me get you a beer.” He clasped Mu-yeol’s arm fondly.

MARLIN:

He almost declined but good god a beer sounded good. A beer on the house, huh? Damn. Jun was worried. He had to calm down before he gave Jun a heart attack.

“Thank you.” He said when Jun brought him the beer, twisting off the cap with his hand. “I — god. I’m sorry to drag you into this Jun, this is. Very personal family shit.”

Of course, he’d been by Jun’s father’s side hours before he died. It doesn’t get more personal than that. Jun, whether he liked it or not, was family now.

“Your mother isn’t around is she?” And when Jun shook his head no Mu-yeol nodded. “Good.”

JUN: Very personal family shit, huh? Jun normally would not press-- should not press. But his eyes lingered on Mu-yeol’s face. He was a handsome man, looking much younger than his actual years which Jun assumed was another one of those unfair fairy things. But right now, he looked very old and very tired, as if the light was being drained from him.

Could Jun truly be the support Mu-yeol needed without knowing more?

He opened a beer for himself, mostly to show solidarity. It was never good to drink alone, even if someone else was in the room with you. “Don’t apologize. You would do the same if Tae-- or even any of my sisters-- disappeared. We have to help each other.” Jun shrugged. “If it’s...is it some sort of fairy thing then? Because I know you worry about my eomma, but-- I’ll make sure to tell her only what she needs to know. She can still be of help. She wants to, hyung. She has great affection for you too.”

MARLIN:

He only smiled thinly at Jun’s comment about his mother and shook his head. “Not to sound like the bloodiest character in a teen drama, but she wouldn’t if she knew. The fairy thing is the least of my concern, even.”

Eun-jung would be surprised, sure, but he didn’t genuinely think she’d go full pitchfork on him. Her sympathy would surely run out if she knew why Nemo ran away. Jun’s probably would too.

“It’s not a...fairy thing, not really anyway. It’s more of a me being awful thing. A liar, the worst, take your pick.” He took another sip from the beer and sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“I don’t know where to begin, Jun. I guess...Nemo found some things. A lot of things. That I’d hidden about my life in Korea, and that I...didn’t so much lie as I omitted about certain parts of my life and his mother’s. And he’s rightfully furious.”

A beat.

“Would you believe if I told you my wife was a Ph.D student when she died?”

JUN:

Mu-yeol probably wasn’t the worst.

Jun could not know. But by the sound of it, he did what most parents did-- lied to their child, for the sake of their child. There was nothing inherently bad about such lies. Children didn’t need to know everything at once and certainly not things that could hurt them. It was part of being a parent’s job, recognizing those things. Was Mu-yeol’s judgment on such things maybe more lacking than others…?

How could Jun say? He wasn’t a parent, even if some days he felt like it. Okay, most days. It wasn’t Jun’s positive to judge.

As for the next thing his hyung said… Jun raised his eyebrows. “Sure-- well, maybe, depending on what kind of Ph.D. I can’t imagine she was getting a medical license.” Such things had to be forbidden in South Korea too, eh? Stil, fairies could go to uni all they wanted.

“But then, you’ve barely told me anything about your late wife at all. I assume you told Nemo something different?”

MARLIN:

“Climate science.” Mu-yeol said. “She wanted to save the world all of you are still in denial is in crisis. So-yeon was too naive to realize the world doesn’t want to be saved. Humans...you don’t want to put in the effort.”

He fell silent as he tried — and failed — to sort out how to start the whole story in his head.

“It wasn’t that I told him something different, it's that I never told him anything to begin with. I didn’t tell him that we lived in Seoul. Human Seoul, not a Hollow there, in the city. We lived in a terrible basement apartment. Like the Kim family in Parasite. It was all we could afford.”

“I worked two jobs and sometimes three to put her through university. I knew I should have burned all of those pictures. Her Harvard acceptance letter.”

JUN:

His lips pursed as he listened, waiting for the understanding to arrive. But it never truly came. Jun was as puzzled as he had been since this first phone call. Why was Nemo so upset to find out his eomma had a life of her own, eh? Actually, what was so bad about all this that Mu-yeol didn’t tell his son to begin with?

He wanted to just let his hyung talk and maybe these reasons would still reveal themselves, but Jun still half suspected it was a fairy thing, whether Mu-yeol thought it was or not. Some weird cultural barrier?

“I don’t get it,” he said honestly then. “Why would he get so upset finding these things? He lives a very human life now himself.” He wasn’t sure if Mu-yeol even wanted to hear that, with the way he could talk about humans, but wasn’t it true? “You know, all the, ah-- human dance and human school.”

MARLIN:

“He’s upset I never told him.” Mu-yeol explained. “And that I used to live among humans when, for his entire life I made him cover his ears when we went to town. I made him lie to Tae about being a fairy. I taught him that humans, as a whole, can’t be trusted.”

He took another sip of beer and then said, “And it’s true. Just because some humans like you are good...it doesn’t change what happened to my family. The Korean police just shrugged off my wife’s murder. It was just a fairy, no need to find who did it, the less of them the better, right? Never mind she was four months pregnant and still dedicating so much time and energy to saving a planet humans are killing.”

Mu-yeol laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. His son’s human obsession? That was his fault too. He should have made Nemo just dance with the performing talents. Kept him in the Hollow. Letting him go to town for dance was his second big mistake.

“I only let him go to dance in the human world because…” he trailed off. Why was he hesitating explaining Nemo’s wing? Jun was family. Yeah, Nemo wouldn’t want him to know but it wasn’t like most disabled people had the privilege of being able to just ignore it.

Plenty of parents talked about their kid’s challenges with their friends. It wasn’t outing Nemo.

“Nam-min was - is - bullied a lot by fairies his age. Even adults in his Talent look at him like a factory mistake. Like a waste. He was born too early and one of his wings never developed properly so it’s smaller than the others. He loved to dance so I decided to go back to working in the human world even though I was - am - terrified so I could afford dance class for him. I wanted to give him somewhere he wasn’t looked at sideways for his disability.”

A beat. “He’s upset I lied. About my past exposure to humans, about living in the human world. He’ll never forgive me, Jun.”

JUN:

This was a lot of information.

Jun listened to it all, drinking his beer quietly and not reacting on the outside. He could do that when he focused. Normally he simply didn’t bother to hide what he thought from the world, because the world didn’t matter. But Mu-yeol mattered. For him, Jun would make an effort...to understand.

Much of what his hyung revealed Jun did not know how to talk about or react to anyway. Like his wife’s pregnancy. How horrible. How traumatizing. The thought of it made him sick, and so he drank his beer, swallowed his disgust down.

And as for Nemo’s disability-- completely out of nowhere to Jun. But how could he have ever seen it, eh? He wondered if Tae even knew. Now the whole… strange fairy-test-day breakdown maybe made more sense.

He could feel pity next to disgust, and he hated that as well, so he drank again.

And then they were at the end and still, Jun did not know what to say. Maybe he understood better now but… aiya, he never would, truly. Nemo still seemed to be acting irrationally to him. And Mu-yeol’s fear, while sympathetic and warranted, was ultimately misguided.

Jun should give no one advice though. Hah. And so Jun tried for comfort instead.

“I...didn’t know any of that. I’m sorry to hear it. But-- Nemo will forgive you, hyung,” said Jun. He set down his beer on the rickety table where the computer was set up, and he grabbed the extra chair so he could sit down next to Mu-yeol. He reached out and grasped his forearm for a brief moment. “I...I see-- that this is all a shock for him. Maybe his anger is justified, no one likes being lied to but-- he’ll calm down. I know your son, and he’s very sweet and-- cheerful, you know, he’s not someone who will stay angry forever. And I’ve seen you together. He loves you very much,” he said this next part gently.

Inside, Jun’s own heart panged and he thought of Abeoji. Bah, stupid. Why was he thinking of his dead father? He and Abeoji were nothing like Mu-yeol and Nemo.

“Perhaps it’s good he left to get some space, eh? He can...ah… get his head on straight.”

MARLIN:

He shook his head then quietly said, “Of course you didn’t know. I think I’ve only talked about Nemo’s wing with Kanga DeRosa. And I’ve never told anybody about my wife being pregnant; not even the fairy queen knows, it...hurt too much to explain when I first sought refuge in the Enchantra Hollow. Nam-min doesn’t know and if he ever speaks to me again, I’m not sure I’ll tell him either.”

Mu-yeol bit his lip then smiled sadly before he had another sip of beer.

“He doesn’t need to carry the full weight of that tragedy; Appa will take it. That’s what Appas do.” He explained.

Jun tried to reassure him that Nemo would come around but he didn’t believe that was possible. Nemo would be right to hate him forever even before discovering his lies, let alone now that they had been literally laid out on the table. What he’d done was inexcusable and he knew that.

He may be trash but he was self-aware trash.

“You don’t know how well Nam-min can hold a grudge. I’d never seen him this angry. Not when I wouldn’t let him go to school, or when I made him break up with that affront to nature, or when I told him I agreed with Mistral’s assessment that he shouldn’t be allowed to test for fast-flying, or even when he found out I’d been secretly patching Ashlee up for months when her father was hurting her because she didn’t want to expose him and my hatred and distrust for the police kept me from just trying anyway. Jun, Nemo hates me.”

Mu-yeol sniffed as fresh tears began to fall and he quickly wiped at his eyes. “I t-told him his mother’s parents were dead and he found out they weren’t. They’re dead to me, though. I came here to shield my son from them just as much as I did to protect him from bigotry. They are truly awful fairies who tried to take my son from me, so yeah, I didn’t let them.”

In hindsight maybe he should have.

“They told me that if I had to have lived instead of their daughter, I at least should have had the decency to not botch my suicide.” Mu-yeol said, bringing the beer to his lips and finishing it off. “I didn’t. My younger brother intervened, so first of all get your facts straight. Suicide is...the greatest sin a fairy can commit. The word about my attempt spread fast and the shame it brought on my family pushed me to consider leaving. The efforts to take my baby boy away made it clear that if I wanted to be Nemo’s Appa still, I had to leave Korea and leave the shame attached to Bae Mu-yeol in Korea. But it...it found me. Nemo saw it. In a dream, like he saw you. He’s found out all of my terrible secrets and half truths, after a lifetime of always defending me to the other fairies, like he — like I needed his protection instead of the other way around.”

Mu-yeol scoffed and shook his head. “When I had to wear the crown of thorns as my punishment for bringing Ashlee to hide in the Hollow, Nemo shooed away anybody that came to gawk. He was loyal to me, defended me, and loved me, and I lied to him.”

JUN:

Mu-yeol was not making a good case for himself.

Jun had always suspected Mu-yeol suffered more than he ever dared to show. But who wasn’t depressed? Who wasn’t anxious? Who didn’t have skeletons in their closet? Jun would be a hypocrite to push for Mu-yeol to talk about these things when in his opinion, they couldn’t be fixed. There were little, temporary treatments like medications and therapy and yada yada, and look, Jun wasn’t against that kind of stuff, he knew that they could work for people, but they weren’t solutions. Personally, Jun thought the best treatment was to just ignore what you could not change. Jun could not change his abeoji’s death. He could not change Tae’s sexuality nor Eomma’s feelings toward it. And so he just ignored it all.

When you brought these things up into the light, this was what happened after all-- Jun looking down at the concrete floor, no help to give.

He could admit that he’d be pissed at his own abeoji too for those lies.

He also wished Mu-yeol never told him that he had once tried to kill himself. And Nemo knew about that? Aiya. That was too dark. That was too much. And even for humans, it was a sin. Very selfish. Jun couldn’t imagine…

But despite all of that, wouldn’t Jun still love his abeoji? Of course. They were family. Depression was inevitable, but so was family. Maybe that’s why they so often went hand in hand.

“I…” Jun started, stopped. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to say. Of course...what you did- maybe it isn’t right.” He lifted his shoulders to his ears. “But you did it because you loved him, eh? He still loves you too. He will forgive you because he is a good son.” And of course it was a son’s duty to forgive their father. Wasn’t it?

“Look, if he ends up at my house-- he can stay the night. You’ll know he’s safe. And in the morning, you can come by and talk to him then.”

MARLIN:

“No, he knows from last time you’d just hand him right back to me.” Mu-yeol said. “He wouldn’t chance that now that I think about it.”

He heaved a sigh and shook his head, resting his chin in his hand. Aiya, this was embarrassing. Jun didn’t ask to be dragged into his family drama.

“I only wanted to protect him from the same thing happening to him, and keep him from his mother’s parents who would have only reminded him how wrong he was for being born the way he was, but he’s too angry to believe me even if he’d given me the time to explain. I know I was wrong, I know. But I — I couldn’t lose him too. And I think I will anyway.”

Mu-yeol groaned and let his head hang low a minute. “I want to go home. Korea home. I’m so tired of…” he gestured vaguely. “This. Not that it would be any different, probably, but at least I wouldn’t have been alone. It’s so hard, Jun, and Nam-min…he doesn’t understand.” Or appreciate how hard he worked to give Nemo what he wanted, how much he sacrificed for him. His son was kind of a brat but it was because he loved him so much and spoiled him. All of his sacrifices frankly meant nothing now— his lies of omission surely cancelled them out. “I’m sorry to drag you into everything.”

JUN:

There were times he wanted to go home to Korea too.

He still thought about Korea as home. He couldn’t help it. For ten years, he’d only known Boseong even though Eomma told him at least once a week about how it was all temporary. She referred to Swynlake as home. When we join your abeoji...she would say because it was this inevitable thing. But Swynlake was too...small. It was hard to describe. There was just more sky in Boseong. In Swynlake, the clouds hung too low.

Despite that feeling though, Jun knew that if he were to go back, find his old farm, walk through the same tea fields, he wouldn’t feel at home. It’d be like looking at photographs. There were things you couldn’t ever capture again. Even if the same people were still around, Jun was not the same person himself. He couldn’t be that boy.

It would be the same for Mu-yeol. Hard to realize though, when homesick for a thing that no longer existed.

Jun waved another hand. “I keep telling you, eh? No apologies. We’d be involved no matter what, Nam-min is like family. You...you are family.”

He couldn’t look Mu-yeol in the eye when he said it.

He coughed awkwardly.

“Swynlake’s a piece of shit, but it’s better with you here.”

MARLIN:

“Right.” Mu-yeol said, chuckling nervously when Jun again insisted no apologies needed. He wiped at his eyes with the heel of his hand and gave a shaky breath as he bit back another apology for crying still.

Jun’s embarrassment at saying something so honest, so vulnerable, was enough to make him forget how embarrassed he was right now. He almost laughed— like genuinely laughed. It was funny how human men were so…emotionally stifled. Sad funny, not haha funny, but it was haha funny that he seemed to be rubbing off on the standoffish Jun Moon.

“Yeah?” He said, managing to crack a real albeit small smile. “Tell the Hollow that.” A beat. “Think you’ll come up with a good explanation for your mother so she won’t ask too much? I don’t want to put you in an awkward situation.”

JUN:

Ah yes, he had said he’d come up with something. That was before he’d heard all of it-- and Jun wasn’t quite sure how he should frame this to Eomma. In the end maybe it wouldn’t matter because, well, Nemo was still a child even if he was 16 now. He should still be with his father. He shouldn’t run away. No matter Marlin’s crimes, unless they were-- abusive-- this would still be true and he was sure that Eomma would see it the same way.

But part of him wondered if all the lies at this point were necessary. Surely, Eomma knew more than he liked to let on. Live and let live, don’t talk about it, etc-- but she wasn’t stupid. Maybe now was the time for Marlin to come clean to his eomma as well.

He sighed and drank his beer, kicking back most of it. “I can try,” he said. He didn’t sound very confident. “Maybe it won’t be necessary, eh? Maybe Nemo will surprise you, he’ll come home sooner rather than later, spare us all the need for...more lies.”

Just saying it made him feel exhausted. But he said he wouldn’t tell his eomma; he meant it.

“Don’t worry. We have some time, I’ll make sure to think of something.”

#the baes go through some shit #jun

1 note · View note

mare-sanguis · 5 years ago

Text

Winston/Monty part 10

They left the cafe around 1:15 and walked down to the police station.

And they were finished after two hours later. Scott gave the cop informations about who was involved in this cover up- this time, he believe them. They also went through the evidence one more time.

Now Scott was sitting in he waiting room, while Winston was still with the officer.

"[...] And we found something in his jail cell- and I think its adressed towards you."

"What is it?"

The officer opened a drawer and took out a tiny plasic bag with something inside of it which resembled a letter.

"Its a letter. You shouldnt read it here- take it home with you."

"As you say so. Can I go now?"

"You can leave- yes."

Winston left the office room and went back to Scott.

"What took you so long?"

"The cop gave me something- I have to read it now. Cant stand waiting until I'm home."

"Do you really think you should read it here? Maybe its something serious."

"I'll do it anyway."

"Then at least sit down you dont look so good."

Winston nooded and set down next to him, they were the only one in this room.

He pulled the bag open and took the letter out, then started to read it after folding it open.

His eyes started to fill with tears.

The letter read:

"Winston... You dont deserve any of thie and I am so sorry. I am a piece of shit. Please... you deserve so much better. Find someone new someone who makes you happy. Not like me. You deserve better- forever. I still woder why you wated me around. I still wonder whats so special about me... I fucking love you so much but we will never see each other again."

Winstons hands were shaking- Scott noticed it.

"No..." Winston whispered.

"No. Why would he.... write something like that...?"

"What is it...?" Scott carefully asked.

"That... I think... thats a suicide note. Montys suicide note..."

Scott couldnt believe what Winston just said.

"Are you sure...? I mean [...]" but he got interrupted by loud, desperate sobs.

"Winston- ... hey. Its all right..." he reached out to touch his shoulder. The last time he had heard someone crying like this was at Jeffs funeral. And this was a long time ago.

"We should get you home. This is not the best place to let out your emotions."

"I cant drive.. like this"

"Glad you have me with you."

He carefully took the letter out of Winstons hand and folded it together again, put it back in the bag.

"I'll drive."

Winstons was still sobbing- loudly.

Scott stood up and reached for his hands as he noticed that Winston was glowing- he softly touched his forehead

"Goddamn- you're hot- Like... you have a fucking fever and still dare to come over. You're crazy."

Winston stil said nothing- instead just stood up.

"Probably because of all this stress."

"Right. Don't lie- when was the last time you slept?"

"Don't know. Maybe 3 or 4 days ago."

"And the last time you ate something?"

"3 to 4 days."

"Don't do that to yourself. He didnt want you to end like this:"

He took Winstons hand and they went outside.

"Where'd you parked your car?"

"Across the street."

He handed Scott his car keys- hands still shaking.

"When we're home- get some sleep. No one wants to see you like this. Not Monty"

They drove home in silence and arrived in silence. Every now and then, Scott glanced over to him to make sure he's still alive. Sometimes, he saw tears running down his face.

"We're here. Should I carry you piggypack into your house?"

Winston laughed a weak laugh.

"No I think I can walk by myself."

"I trust you."

He slowed down his steps and Winston followed him inside.

"Such a huge home- would totally get lost in it."

"Monty got lo here his first time..." his voice broke. "that... was kinda cute."

"I can imagine that. He was so lost. Anyway... its bedtime for you. Sleep as long as you want to while I make something to eat for you."

"Sure...?"

"Yes. I dont have anything to do anyway. Besides getting lost in this house. So its no big deal"

"The kitchen is on the left side. Good luck finding it."

He walked upstairs and left Scott alone.

After he succsessfully found the kitchen, he quickly started to look through the supplies.

"I should probably get him something warm to drink"

He made him some tea and walked upstairs.

"All these many doors- how should I find him?"

He sighed and noticed a door half closed. He walked towards it and opened it quietly.

"Winston? You awake?"

No response. He was already asleep.

"Gonna leave this here."

He out the cup on the nightstand next to his bed.

"And this too."

He put the bag with Montys note in the nightstan. Before he left he room he checked on Winston, put his hand on his forehead- he was still glowing like hell.

"Totally relatable- was the same back then."

He sighed and left the room.

"Maybe I should get him some medicine."

One hour later, he was back again at the house after he left to buy some meds.

He placed the bag at the kitchen counter and started to prepare the food, as he heard footsteps

"Winston? Up again?"

He nooded, still looking weak.

"You shuld go back to sleep."

"Can't"

"Why not?"

"Not feeling like it anymore."

"If you say so.. but dont fall asleep right here."

"Won't"

"All right then. Take a seat- your personal slave will do some magic."

"I'll wait like the good kid I am."

Scott smiled and turned his back at him. starting to make him some good meal.

"And I bought you some meds. Take them after you ate. They'll probably knock you out for good."

"You thought about everything- dont you?"

"Well- being friends with someone like Monty had some benefits. Not everytime- but sometimes when he got into fights with his dad he came up to me and I took care of his problems. The time his dad broke his arm I went to the hospital with him."

"Sounds like you delt with his trouble very often."

"Oh yeah- but he never notice. At least it looked like he denied the fact that I cared. I told him to give up Bryce, telling him to stop defending him- all because I cared. I just wanted the best for him."

"We both wanted."

Scott nooded.

"8 moth ago we had spring fling. He wasnt ther and neither was I. So I invited him over. If I remember correctly he was in a pretty dark place at that moment, kinda disturbed. Now I know why. He kept behaving strange. I wanted him to stay overnight but he didnt want to."

"What a caring sweet boy you are." Winston said, in a soft serious way.

"Stop joking." he smiled.

"I mean it. You even make meals like a good housewife."

Scotts smile faded a bit. But Winston couldnt see it because he still had his back turned at him.

"I'm used to it too."

"Oh? Really?"

"Yes."

They went silent for some minutes and Scott placed the plate full of food on the table.

"Looking good- where'd you learn these skills?"

Scott sat down, across from Winston.

"Everytime we went to a party I stayed at a friends house overnight- he always had kinda bad hangovers. So one day I started this all- and it somehow became a tradition."

"Whos this mysterious friend you're always talking about? Is it the one Sheri mentioned?"

"Yes:"

Silence again.

"So... whats up with this friend? Whats his name again?"

"Jeff."

"Yeah- why dont you want o visit him?"

"Theres no reason to visit him. Theres no one to visit."

Winston tilted his head slightly.

"What did Sheri mean with "We all three lost someone who meant much to us?""

This time, Scotts hands were shaking and he felt like he was about to cry.

"Because Jeff died on September the 9th, 2017. Death cause was a car accident."

Winston stopped breathing for some seconds. Totally unable to say anything.

"Oh... I'm so sorry- I shouldnt have pushed you to tell me."

"Its fine. How'd you know anyway..."

"Thats why you dont want to visit him?"

"No. Its not. I..." he took a deep breath. "I just feel like I completely failed him."

"Why would you say that?"

"Like I said- He knew Monty, introduced me to him. After I transferred to Liberty I started to get to know him better... thats what I already told you. But theres more to it. Jeff told me I should keep an eye on him. He didnt want to be around them anymore - I dont blame him - instead he told me to take care of him. I really tried my best and I tried even more after Jeff died. And now.... that Monty is dead too I feel like thats on me. He would've never snapped if somebody was there for him that day Bryce broke up their friendship... that day he assaulted Tyler. And because no one was there he did it. I was supposed to be there for him. Monty went to jail and died there- lonely, felt like he was all alone. There were signs written all over... he felt lost. After he told his dad. He still would be alive if I had tried harder. And he would've got the help he needed. From you, from me."

Winston listened in silence.

"I failed completely"

"No. You didnt. Like you said to me .... you did the best you could. ut it was a hard task, to pull him out of the darkness... impossible for just one guy to handle."

Scott buried his face in his hands to stop his eyes from tearing up.

"If you want you can stay over tonight. I wont kick you out. we both have things to work through. And we should stay out of school tomorrow."

Finally Winston knew why he was so desperate for the truth to come out.

#monty de la cruz #winston williams #scott reed #13rw #13 reasons why #13rw s3 #13rw season 3 #13rw s3 spoiler #13rw season 3 spoiler #13 reasons why season 3 #13 reasons why season 3 spoiler #fanfiction #fanfic

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thelastpilot · 6 years ago

Text

The Monster in the Room- Chapter 11

Oh SNAP, it’s a come back (again) ((sorry))

You can catch up on AO3 if you’ve forgotten whats happening cause i sure did.

Adrien arrived to school Friday morning on time, not as desperate to be early, but not so un-invested as to be late. He didn’t bother with the quad again, heading straight for class and trying to have no expectations. He couldn’t help but have some sort of hope reserved as he approached the classroom, the fall air chill and biting as he climbed the stairs and crossed the landing that was nearly barren.

Nearly, but not utterly, and Adrien slowed up when he looked ahead and saw Marinette and Alya standing outside the door, talking quietly to themselves.

They were talking tensely, Alya’s expression stoic as she nodded to something the witch had said. Marinette’s posture was tense in a different way, her hands folded in front of her chest as she spoke quickly. He was a short distance away before they noticed him, both girls turning to face him and showing him clearly that something was on their mind.

By the time he joined them he was already worried.

“What’s up?” he asked plainly, looking between the two of them. His eyes landed first on Marinette, but she looked away, pulling her fingers through one of her pigtails and failing to make eye contact. Alya however did not, and met Adrien’s gaze without beating around the bush.

“We don’t really know yet but Marinette says Ms. B is nervous. She stopped us when we walked in and asked us to wait outside for you and to let her know when you were with us. That’s about all we know.”

“Ms. B wanted us to wait outside?” Adrien repeated, looking between them again until Marinette finally looked up at him and nodded.

“The whole class is tense,” Marinette reported, smoothing at her dress like her hands were anxious and searching for something to do. He put a hand on her shoulder sympathetically, knowing too much of the same negative emotion could be unpleasant for her. “Ms. Bustier is clearly worried and I think everyone can tell that somethings wrong.” She grimaced, huffing a little as she continued. “Chloe is starting rumors and people are starting to notice that Nino only made it through half of class. They’re asking where he is.”

“Obviously we’re wondering the same thing,” Alya chimed in, folding her arms and keeping an eye on the door. “The difference is though that we’re not going to fault him for it and other people probably will. Him joining class is the most interesting thing that’s happened in a while, so even him not being here is making him the center of attention. Pretty sure that’s the last thing Ms. B wants, and now she wants to talk to us alone.”

“You think it’s about Nino? Maybe it’s something else, something about class.”

Adrien said it without any real confidence, and from the looks on their faces they clearly believed it as little as he had meant it.

People had tried to be casual and distant when he was around, but now that he was absent it was a ripe time for rumors to start. It didn’t surprise him that Chloe was getting things moving now that he was out a second day in a row, and it just meant that when he did come back, because Adrien knew that he would, it was just going to be that much harder.

Mr. Damocles had sprung Nino’s enrollment on everyone and done it matter-of-factly, then like a whirlwind he had shown up the next day, bailed halfway through and never returned. Naturally students were going to start talking.

They stood for a moment and said nothing, wondering what their involvement was, if their assumption was correct.

“Should we tell her that you’re here?” Marinette said after a while, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she felt his trepidation.

“I suppose yeah,” Adrien murmured. He didn’t know what she wanted, but the only way to know was to ask.

Adrien opened the door only enough to pop his head in, the sound of people talking amongst themselves rising to meet him now that the bridge between places was opened. Ms. Bustier was standing by her desk, but looked up to regard the door the second it opened. When she saw it was him she held up a hand, motioning for him to remain outside but acknowledging his presence.

They shut the door and waited, having nothing left to say to each other as they stood aside patiently, the hall and quad now completely empty except for themselves.

Adrien jumped when the door opened, Alya still managing to chuckle despite the circumstance and he shot her a grimace. Marinette giggled a little as well, but they turned to attention as Ms. Bustier stepped into the hallway, her hooves clattering as she cleared the doorway and closed the door behind her.

“Good morning everyone,” she greeted them as a whole, the teacher fussing with her hair before clearing her throat.

Marinette fidgeted uncomfortably.

They murmured their good mornings but offered nothing else, waiting patiently for her to continue. After a short time she seemed to take a deep breath, speaking calmly.

“Thank you for waiting for me, I wanted to speak with you all as a group before class began. I have a… sensitive request.”

“Sensitive?” Alya echoed, though her tone wasn’t entirely surprised. Everyone was just waiting.

“Yes…” she hesitated, and the kids were stunned to watch her stop, very carefully considering her next words.

Finally she sighed, folding her hands.

“I know the three of you have noticed your new classmate’s absences. As you have likely already assumed Nino is struggling to adjust and is having a very difficult time. I fear him attending school so soon after having been brought here was a mistake on my part, I had been too eager to introduce him… as a result he was overwhelmed, and is unable to attend class.”

She paused again, carefully gauging their reactions. Alya and Marinette both looked somber, but Adrien was still waiting.

“I know your interactions were brief,” she continued after a moment, looking between each other them, “but I also know that they helped him. I saw the way you girls engaged him when he first came in and how receptive he was to it, excited to be making friends. And you Adrien, you stayed with him and knew when not to push or intrude and I know how prepared you are to do as I asked. And I wonder now if this is too much to ask of students but… I’ve done what I can, and I’m afraid that I can’t help him the way that his peers possibly could. That was in part why I was so quick to introduce him. I knew he needed to make connections of some kind… but I was too heavy handed.”

Ms. Bustier stood before them, asking them gently.

“You have every right to refuse if the idea makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, but I assure you that Nino is a wonderful and kind boy, and he would never hurt anyone. I tried to give him space, but I’m not sure that’s what is best for him now. It is informal, and probably considered inappropriate by most to ask children to step up like this but… all I’m asking is that you visit him.”

She looked between the three of them, intently sorting through their glances and body posture to gauge their reactions.

“I think he needs-,”

“I’ll go,” Adrien answered immediately, shifting his weight on his feet and looking to all the world like he was prepared to go right that second, looking up at his teacher and speaking quickly. “I’ll sit with him Ms. B, I just need to know the room. I can go now, if I can be excused I mean, please.” He added this as an afterthought, glancing once towards the classroom he had promptly forgotten. School seemed so unimportant right now.

“Not so fast Adrien, wait just a moment.” Ms. Bustier reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, enough pressure to make it clear he was to stay still. “I know you’re eager to help, but this is very serious. He’s panicking and unwell. You can’t just go in full speed; you have to be gentle.”

Adrien looked up at her with wide eyes, probably intent on defending the fact that he always intended to be careful. The girls behind him began to murmur, and Caline hesitated to explain. But she needed them to be wise.

She braced herself, silently begging that they would understand.

“We… haven’t extensively covered lycanthropy in our classes, something I now regret but…” she sighed. “It’s too late to fix. I can only ask that you all be as understanding as possible, and recognize how difficult this must be for him.”

The girls fell silent, Adrien continuing to look on unflinchingly. Only waiting for the moment he was allowed to leave. Ms. B nodded to herself, attempting to explain delicately.

“You know how shifting between forms typically works, how it is tied to intention and a sense of self. Changing however works differently for everyone… and young Nino has no experience with such things. He has no background knowledge to support him, and is not in a mindset to listen when I try and speak to him. With werewolves the moon represents an unavoidable transformation, but it is not the only time they can change over. And he…” she hesitated, folding her hands across her stomach as she sorted through the words. She looked away from all of them, looking briefly to the floor.

“He is not coping… well, with the changes. As of now, he cannot change back. I’m sure you can imagine, for someone who has never consciously changed before that this would be very… startling.”

She wanted to keep her eyes away from their faces, thinking now of her lost, struggling student buried in the back of the school. She didn’t want to see fear, or unease, but what could she expect of them. She knew how the world viewed people like him. She knew-…

She looked up when no one spoke. And felt her heart almost pause.

As no one reacted.

By the time she gathered the courage to look at them she saw the three of them standing resolutely, something immeasurably empathetic on their faces. Caline straightened as she looked at them, able to feel as her burden slipped slightly from her fingers, held up unexpectedly by the strength of children.

Adrien still stood taunt as a wire, as ready to go as before, if not suddenly more so. She looked over at the girls, Alya’s expression the hardest to judge but Marinette’s painfully kind. She expected, somehow, for them to be scared of him…

But even now they just wanted to help.

“Where is he staying?” Adrien asked again, scooting slightly from his position. He glanced again in the direction he remembered Nino fleeing, that hollow ache he had felt before surging again.

“He’s…-,” she paused, looking between them before settling back on Adrien, seeming a little stunned. “He’s in the empty wing, all the way down on the far side. Room 217, I believe.”

She quickly put a hand on Adrien again to keep him from rushing off, firm as she reiterated, “You need to be gentle. He isn’t going to want to see anyone I imagine but… we can’t leave him alone either. I’m not even sure he’ll be able to speak to you, but I know he can still listen if you keep him company.” She looked to the girls to make sure they understood this advice was meant for them as well, sending them along as well in part to keep Adrien from being over eager. With Marinette’s added intuitiveness and Alya’s abilities… it seemed wise. “He would demand that you leave if he could, so please try not to push it and don’t crowd him. His dog will be on the defensive, so don’t push him either.”

“Yes mam’,” the kids responded immediately, and Caline couldn’t help but feel another wave of guilt.

“I shouldn’t be sending you at all but… seeing his peers might…-,” she stopped, humming slightly as she seemed to reconsider. As soon as Adrien noticed her doubt though she could feel his shoulders tense up, and she was made aware of the fact that at this point, she probably couldn’t stop him.

“We won’t push it Madame,” Alya spoke up, her voice calm and earnest. “Marinette can tell us if it’s too much, and we’ll leave before too long. It’s just a visit, we’ll be careful.”

“He isn’t dangerous,” she repeated, almost as a reflex, but she needed to be realistic too… he was cornered.

“I know Ms.,” Adrien assured her, stating it so firmly that… after a moment…

She relented.

“Okay… you are excused from class for this, we’re reviewing the previous lesson as it is. Don’t stay for too long but… you may go.”

The moment she lifted her hand Adrien turned on his heel, already knowing the hallway she meant and heading straight there. Ms. Bustier may have said something else but… Adrien wasn’t in the mood for waiting anymore.

He didn’t run, but he moved quickly down the walkway, aware of the fact that the girls were rushing to keep up with him but more intent on getting away from Ms. B. He didn’t want to give her the opportunity to change her mind, even if part of him knew that she was the authority on this in the end he just…

He needed to go. It was just the right thing to do now. He was going to listen, he wasn’t going to force his way in but… somebody needed to go. Somebody needed to tell him that he wasn’t a coward.

“Adrien wait!” Marinette’s voice cut through, jogging to get ahead of him as they made it to the mouth of the abandoned hallway, Adrien turning quickly past her and starting down it anyways.

It was instantly colder in the unpopulated sections of the campus, no body heat or traffic to keep it from feeling completely empty. The lights were on, but it may as well have been dim, the long walls filled with empty bulletin boards and locked classroom doors making it clear that no one came down here very often. Now suddenly however it had three inhabitants the trio forced to match Adrien’s urgency and he continued further into the school.

“Listen I know you want to help but we can’t run in, we’re going to scare him.”

“I’m not going to break the door down I’m going to knock,” Adrien defended himself, trying not to be annoyed. When he looked at her though Marinette was frowning, shooting a hard look up at him. He only matched her for a second more before he just focused on the hall, part of him sort of wishing he was allowed to do this alone. After a moment of his silence Marinette huffed slightly, turning to Alya instead. “We shouldn’t go all the way in, we should stand by the door in case he wants us to leave.” Adrien kept walking undeterred, the girls falling to either side of him.

“He’s going to want us to leave the second we get there,” Alya answered softly, Adrien staring ahead. “We’re going to have to stick it out a little but just, warn us if he gets too upset.”

As they walked Adrien shot a small glance to the side, checking Marinette’s face. He was never sure how far out her perception went but…

He didn’t see her posture tighten until they hit the second hallway, moving down it now as they each checked the numbers. By the time they were most the way down, past a dozen or so shuttered, dusty doorways, her lips were pressed into a tight line.

The girls allowed Adrien to lead, all of them prepping themselves in one way or another as they drew near, Adrien taking a deep breath as he ran through what he could possibly say. He didn’t come up with much when he saw the faded 217 painted on an old placard outside the furthest door, a thin strip of light shining onto the tile. They all shared a glance as they realized that it was ajar, and despite their determination…

Everyone paused.

Adrien took a moment, leaning forward to listen carefully. He didn’t hear anything distinctive, save what suddenly felt like a deafening silence. After a brief moment, he heard a soft click, like a claw on tile. Then nothing again.

They were waiting on him, and Adrien thought back to something he had thought before.

Nino was the bravest person in the world…

So he tried to be a little like him.

The knock on the door felt like the loudest thing for miles, but Adrien didn’t wait for a response he knew wouldn’t come. For better or for worse he gently pushed the door in, taking three steps forward before he heard the growl.

Adrien froze, his hand locked on the door handle as his heart rate scampered. He instinctively looked towards the sound, an apology or an excuse about to bubble out from him before he looked down, taking in a lot at once.

The room was scattered and weird feeling, desks barricaded against the walls and windows and the air thick with intensity. Adrien barely had time to notice the torn, discarded clothes the Shepherd stood upon before his hands were in the air warding against the animal that took a threatening step forward, a deep growl resonating from its chest.

“It’s me its me!” Adrien spoke up immediately. “Carter don’t, I’m not gonna come in all the way okay, you just stay there.”

Adrien shimmied enough to let the girls slowly poke their head in, Marinette immediately cooing softly to the dog who was dutifully on guard.

“Carter it’s okay! It’s just us, we’re okay. We just came to check in, I promise. Everything’s okay.”

She spoke softly and crouched low, smiling as sweetly as she could. Adrien had to resist the sigh of relief when Carter tilted his head, the Shepherd shifting in position slightly and looking at the witch, then back to him, then back to the witch.

Adrien stepped to the side again to let her come further in but froze in fear when the dog zeroed back in, a growl starting to build back up before Marinette was cooing again, gently appealing to the animal.

While she had his attention Adrien used the moment to scan the room, his hands still up as he looked through as much as he could in what light the windows provided.

It was… dismal, to say the least, and he fought off another wave of pity he was trying to avoid. The cabinet… the bed… the clothes heaped on the ground. It all painted a horrible picture, something he had been obsessing over ever since he ran away from him. A few trays of food lay largely uneaten not far from the door, trails of pieces dotted across the floor as if chunks of it had been dragged and taken farther in. As far as he could see though, there was no one else there. Marinette was still working on the dog, so he braved another step in, craning his neck to look around the space. It didn’t make sense for Carter to be here alone… he was clearly protecting something.

It was only when the dog looked behind him that Adrien thought to look under, the animal checking the darkness for something he couldn’t hear before looking back towards them, taking an unsure step backwards.

Right…

Adrien took a shaky breath and looked over at the girls, both of whom were focused on the same space he was. The cramped, low shadow of the bed frame. Alya looked over at him from her place by the door, and after a moment everyone took another slow movement further in.

Adrien spoke as he moved, never going towards the bed but just allowing the others some space, Marinette electing to settle on her knees and focus on Carter who seemed conflicted.

“Hey… hey man um…” he hesitated, cursing internally on being as unsure as ever. He looked to the girls briefly for help, but he knew he had to take the lead. “Listen I know you probably don’t want to see anyone right now but, we didn’t want to just go to class without coming to see you. I uh, I know you can’t really say much right now but, we just wanted to stop by for a second. Let you know about class and stuff. Maybe just sit, for a sec. If that’s okay with you.”

The silence was thick, Marinette scooting forward a little and trying to keep a smile for Carter who looked like he was getting more agitated. The poor dog whined and padded his paws on the cool ground, checking into the hiding place obsessively, its entire body tense.

“Adrien,” Marinette whispered suddenly, and it took him a moment to look away.

When he did he saw Alya now crouched on her knees as well, both of them making a small gesture for him to mimic them. It was awkward, but he slowly got down as well, keeping a careful eye on the dog.

Adrien lowered his hands into his lap, watching as Carter started to pace, getting closer and closer to the bed itself protectively. He saw Marinette fidget a little in discomfort, balling her dress slightly in her hands in the corner of his eye… so he tried again.

Nino didn’t hear anything that Adrien was saying, not really, not in any genuine way. Of course he could hear him, everything was so much. So loud. But it didn’t mean anything.

‘Nino?’ Carter said for the dozenth time, whining desperately as he paced out in the open, fighting the urge to crawl underneath the bed with him where he had been waiting before. ‘Nino what do I do? Do you want me to make them leave? Do you want me to go with you? What do you…-,’ Carter hesitated, only his paws visible to his owner as they skittered and shifted. He ducked his head down low again so they could see each other, asking tensely again, ‘What do you want me to do? Nino?’

He didn’t answer, though some part of him wanted to. Carter was so distressed… the loyal animal torn between what he had been commanded to do and what he wanted to do. All he wanted to do was help. All they wanted to do was help.

But Nino had no idea how to be helped.

He wanted to say something… as Adrien tried to talk calmly and Marinette spoke softly he wanted to say something.

He thought maybe there was something building up in him, whether it was to scream at them to leave or to offer some kind of apology he wasn’t sure… but the second he shifted his weight he was aware again of the too long limbs, of the thick, suffocating fur. And what he might have said died in him, and a grating whine racked his body.

Adrien’s rambling nothings faltered, and Nino withered further into himself. He couldn’t stop the second whine, or the shake of the third, but he could still feel ashamed of it. Ashamed of all of it.

He shook in anger and in embarrassment in his tiny scrap of shelter, his shame mounting higher and higher as the others turned to whispering to themselves, to each other about him.

‘Stay away!’ Carter demanded again, Nino able to see his paws scrabble at the tile as he threatened to dart forward, growling again. ‘Stay back! Stay away!’

“Alya wait, I don’t know if this is a good idea-,” Adrien’s voice sounded again, but he was cut off by someone else, the third in the party speaking for the first time.

“No this is good for him. He needs this.”

‘Stay away! STOP!’ Carter threatened again, breaking his vindication once again and barking threateningly. Nino could only see very little of what was happening, Carters tense claws spread wide on the tile just in front of his hiding space. Beyond him now Nino could just see dark leggings, crouched on the floor a ways in front of them and slowly getting closer. He shook when he saw her hands bend, her red tinted hair falling softly into view as she ignored Carter’s threats, leaning down to look beneath the bed frame.

Nino felt himself make some strangled sound, like a cry or a shout or something else all broken and pieced together. He didn’t want her to look at him.

He didn’t want to see her flinch.

He recoiled physically when her sharp, hazel eyes came into view, looking right at him from behind her glasses. Her dark gradated curls framed her face, her expression as curious and as passive as it had been when they were introduced. They had spoken so briefly, but she had left a searing impression with the things she said. And just like then she refused to look away, that foreign intensity cutting into him.

“Alya you’re upsetting him,” Marinette’s voice suddenly warned, but Alya didn’t turn. Not even Carter, only a few feet away from her and threatening to bite if she even moved an inch didn’t faze her. She just kept watching him, a playful smile forming across her face.

“Hey, that’s not so bad. It looks natural so that’s good.” She looked away from his eyes to examine the rest of him, undeterred when he pressed into the wall in some desperate attempt to disappear.

“Alya-,” Marinette warned again, sounding tense, but Alya didn’t move, fighting a bigger smile now.

“It’s not easy to do,” she continued, “I used to be bad at it too, but if you wanted, I could teach you.”

Carter was still tense, but Nino wouldn’t tell him what he needed him to do. He couldn’t bite, he shouldn’t bark, but he wanted nothing more than to bark and bark. Because something was weird again.

The feeling hit them first, the fur along their backs stiffening and standing on edge. It was subtle, and almost impossible to notice, but something almost like static preceded a sudden shift ahead of them.

Alya looked Nino in the eyes when she did it, letting it happen quickly and effortlessly and in a single, fluid motion, just to prove a point. She couldn’t imagine what kind of grueling awful fight he must have put up before ending up like this. It was important for him to see it done right, she believed.

She was so attuned to the sensation that it was hard to even feel it sometimes. Her mother once compared shifting to putting on a cloak, once you were used to it. You could feel something glide over you and touch your skin, and then suddenly you were running. The transition was so quick there was nothing really separate enough to focus on, only the change in height and perspective the truly noticeable things to her.

As soon as it was done she settled onto the tile, spreading out a little so he could see her, letting her tails fan out behind her. The wolf was hyper-focused on her laying there, breathing heavily and scrabbling slightly forward but she didn’t run. The fox just made a show of stretching out her paws, clicking her claws on the tile and swishing her tails out in the air, both of them.

‘What is happening, why does this keep happening?’ Carter was suddenly audible, and Alya turned her attention away from Nino for the first time at the new voice. The poor Shepherd was losing his grip, whining uncontrollably now as he looked at her.

‘It’s okay Carter, this is all fine. Your boy is doing just fine.’

Carter jerked when the strange fox answered him, his head titling to the side in confusion. He huffed and puffed briefly for a moment, accusing her directly now that he knew it was an option.

‘What are you doing? Go away! Nino doesn’t want anybody right now! He said get out!’

‘I’m not leaving yet,’ Alya answered simply, ‘And if he wants me to leave he can tell me himself, right Nino?’ The kitsune turned back to him, laying her head down to peer more easily beneath the bed.

‘I… you…-,’ there was a pause. Both Carter and Alya looked down into the darkness, watching the pair of bright golden eyes as they swept uneasily over the two-tailed fox. ‘You…’

It was a fox, at least that’s what it looked like. Clearly before it had been a girl, but now it was a lithe red fox, the only truly unnatural thing about it being its strange tails. Both tails were fully formed and independent, though they tended to move harmoniously. She wasn’t one solid color of anything, her fur along her chest and the bottom of her muzzle a light cream color, the rest a mix of reds. A charm of some kind dangled on her chest, a necklace with a heavy opalescent stone swaying gently in place, ruffling the fur there. When he looked at it he felt something odd, like a distant, almost unplaceable ringing in his ears.

Without meaning to his ears swiveled atop his head, straining slightly to focus on the note it exuded. He pulled forward slightly, staring at it, but was only broken from it by the fox’s sharp muzzle suddenly dropping over it, glaring at him slightly.

‘My eyes are up here, thanks,’ she snickered, enjoying how the wolf drew back and seemed caught off guard. The second he was no longer looking at it the note vanished… and he blinked at her uncertainty.

‘Can you…?’ He trailed off, fighting between his urge to hide and this sudden… lifeline.

‘Hear you?’ She finished for him, and somehow, he could tell she was smiling. ‘Yes, and your dog too, now. I’m not as good with it as you are but, when I’m like this its easier. I can’t hear him all the time like you can, though I’m probably better than the others.’

‘What are you?’ Nino demanded bluntly, moving closer to the edge just slightly, a little at a time. Alya and Carter both scooted backwards, allowing him some space. ‘How did you do that? So easily?’

‘I’m a Kitsune,’ she answered. ‘I can’t say that I’m exactly like you, I’m not but, I am a shapeshifter like you. So is Adrien but, I’ve never seen him use it. He can’t do it all the time like us.’

Kitsune… the word echoed in his head. The textbook entry from class seemed to echo back to him, every instance feeling years apart. He’d been stuck like this for days now… the uncomfortable anxiety of the class suddenly so much better than this.

‘I didn’t mean to,’ he said, his ears pressing flat against his skull, a whine building in his throat. ‘I didn’t want to, I tried not to it just-,’

‘It’s okay Nino. It’s okay that this happened.’ When he shot his head up to glare at her she flexed her paws in a placating gesture that still came across. ‘I know it doesn’t feel that way I know it’s all messed up but it’s okay that it happened. You can go back and forth whenever you want. We’re not supposed to be one or the other.’ She titled her head and the fox peered at him intensely. ‘We’re supposed to be both.’

‘No I’m not!’ he suddenly barked at her, flinching at how heavy his teeth felt as they bared sharply without his intention, but he didn’t back down. The growl in his chest was so loud to him he could barely articulate the thought. ‘I was supposed to be me! I was always me! I am not an animal!’

Carter hurried to back off, and though they seemed so far outside of it he was aware of the fact that both Adrien and Marinette were on their feet. Alya, however, did not move.

‘Well what are you then?’ she spoke plainly, the creature completely still as it regarded him. ‘Human?’

The growl faltered, dying down as the fox refused to shift her gaze from him, looking him over pointedly again.

When he went quiet she seemed to relax, tension she had been trying to conceal slipping away.

When she spoke again her words were softer.

‘You aren’t. And you’re right, you’re not an animal either. You’re the same thing you were before.’

She didn’t wait to respond, instead turning her head to look at Carter. The dog was watching her anxiously, fidgeting in place as she talked to him.

‘Carter? Do you know?’

‘What?’ he asked, on his feet and shaking a little. ‘What? I don’t understand.’

The fox remained calm, retaining control of the situation.

‘Do you know what he is?’

‘Nino!’ He responded instantly, relief flooding through him and his tail starting to wag for the first time. He knew that one, he knew the answer! ‘He’s Nino!’

‘Yeah,’ she answered, her muzzle parting slightly in that foxy smile she had, turning back to look underneath the bed at the wolf who lay there. ‘He’s Nino. He was before, and he still is now and that’s not different.’

‘You don’t even know me…’ Nino muttered wretchedly, his heavy angled head resting on the ground again, getting quiet.

‘I don’t,’ she agreed, resting her head on the ground as well. ‘But I’m really looking forward to it.’

Though neither of them truly spoke aloud the words seemed to hang in the air around them, settling into him where he cowered… where he hid. As always it was too big, too much but… he looked at the strange fox.

Who did not cower. Who did not flinch.

‘Why aren’t you scared of me?’ he asked, the same question always ringing in his head, but he didn’t expect the fox to huff like she did, going so far as to even roll her eyes.

‘I hate to break it to you Nino, but you’re not all that scary.’ Her tails flicked mischievously as she backed up again. ‘You’re kind of baby cheeked and polite, and poofy and under a bed. Not exactly the stuff of nightmare.’

She grinned at him and pulled further away, drawing him closer and closer to the edge of the bed as he moved up into the space she allowed. The tip of his muzzle was now visible in the light, his eyes still that intense golden color as he watched her.

‘You’re making fun of me,’ he finally answered, incredulously. When she nodded in confirmation he huffed, a low growl of irritation making her laugh an odd chittering laugh.

He huffed as she jumped to her feet, seeming to enjoy getting a rise out of him. And he wanted to be angry, or annoyed or something else but…

They were just talking. He held onto it like a string in the dark, desperate not to tug too tight and separate it from the surface. It was something… normal, as close to normal as he could possibly get. And as ashamed as he might be he didn’t want to be alone with it again.

Even if he was a monster, so was she.

‘S-show me how you did it. Please. I can’t, I’ve tried.’ He crawled forward again, nervously moving a paw out into the open, trying not to look at it. He didn’t want them to see… but it was pointless. It’s not like they didn’t already know…

‘It’s not just one trick, you might not be able to do it right away but you don’t have to be freaked out about it. You’re gonna get it, okay? But you won’t be able to get a grip on it unless you’re more stable.’

‘How am I supposed to do that? Ms. B kept saying that she said just be calm but I can’t.’ He slid another paw out into the open, and after another moment’s hesitation he slowly started to crawl out, staying as small and as folded in on himself as possible. Alya backed off a little but Carter quickly ran to his side, hovering helplessly as the beast shook on its paws.

Nino stood there shamefully, unable to look at them all as he felt them staring. Adrien and Marinette were still standing by the open door, looking on tensely at the silent conversation they could not hear, simply having faith that Alya was saying something they couldn’t. The kitsune herself was sitting up straight, watching him.

‘How am I supposed to be calm with this?’ he asked, his shame eating at him. ‘What am I supposed to do?’

‘You’re just getting started Nino. Right now, you’re not okay. You’re not a wolf because somethings wrong with you, you shifted because you lost your grip. With shapeshifters its easy to get lost in between. You lost touch with you, not humanity. If you knew what you were and who you were you could be either form you wanted, at the drop of a hat. Or some spot in between, who knows.’ She raised a paw, gesturing loosely at his clothes that still lay discarded on the ground. ‘What you did, it probably hurt. It’s not supposed to be like that, it won’t be if you practice it. But… I’m sorry.’

She paused suddenly, the strange stone she wore swaying as she took a quick, shallow breath.

‘It’s not something you can do instantly, it’s not like a spell or a trick. It isn’t something you’ve got to… do,’ she struggled to explain, her front paws needing the ground slightly. But she looked him in the eyes regardless when he looked up to meet her. ‘It’s all built in, we’re both fluid, but that means if you start losing focus things can get more difficult to maintain. At least, that’s how it is for me. We’re not exactly the same, in fact we’re mostly different but…’ she paused again, huffing in irritation.

She took a deep breath, trying again, her tails swaying behind her.

‘You’re stuck. You said you’ve been trying but that’s cause you’re trying to escape something, and you can’t. This,’ and she nodded her head towards him, ‘isn’t something to run away from. So it starts with accepting that this, no matter how much it scares you, is part of it now. You can’t be Nino without it anymore and being on two legs doesn’t change that. No matter what you look like.’

… there wasn’t a response. He didn’t have one to give as he cowered in front of them all. He was exposed in this borrowed spot he hid in, flailing for that fleeting piece of string.

‘Nino?’

Carter leaned into his side, still shorter even when his boy was folded in on himself so tightly. He pressed all of his heat and all of his worry into his dense, layered fur and leapt up slightly to nudge his muzzle with his own, vying for his attention. ‘Please talk to me…’

‘… yeah? Buddy?’ Nino finally addressed him, feeling a pang of guilt when the Shepherd’s ears pricked up.

He stared at him with wide, dark eyes for a while, open and honest in the way only he was capable of.

‘I don’t mind it when you’re like this.’

He let his tail wag slowly, keeping his attention and hoping that it helped. The tall, dark beast stared back at him, and he could feel him breathing deeply.

‘I know buddy.’

‘We were waiting,’ Carter continued, looking briefly towards Alya before looking back to his boy. ‘We were waiting for it to be okay. You said that, maybe this wasn’t okay, but she says that it is. She said its supposed to happen. So as long as you are still Nino, that’s okay then right?’

The dog stared at him intently, desperately trying to understand and hoping he was right. So much of what was said was so confusing to him, but after all the talking was done he kept thinking that he must be right. That he must have been right the whole time.

‘I-…,’ Nino hesitated, and after a moment he forced himself to move, though he tried hard to avoid it. He copied Carter’s gesture, nudging him awkwardly. Carter’s tail wagged harder in response.

He couldn’t help the sigh, depending on Carter’s weight to focus him. ‘I don’t really feel like myself right now…’

‘… can I help?’

Nino looked at him, and for the first time in days, felt something vaguely on the edge of something warm. Something positive.

Something from before.

‘You’re already helping Carter… just stay with me please. I-… I’m trying to figure this out.’

‘She said she can help,’ Carter reminded him, his tail wagging steadily now, so relieved to be moving forward. He looked to Alya again excitedly and passed her to the others; the sweet-smelling girl and… the cat. But he allowed it, it was helping. As long as they were helping, then he’d let them stay. They were giving him something he couldn’t, and he was giving everything he had.

‘Yeah,’ Nino eventually answered, though he was less sure. He had to believe in something though… he didn’t want to be a coward. He didn’t want to hide… he looked back to the fox and stared at her enviously, knowing she wasn’t ashamed in the slightest.

She was something else, just like all of them, but they weren’t hiding. She wasn’t hiding, and she slipped over just like he did, just as fast and as completely. There was no hesitation for her, nothing to be scared of… she knew exactly what she was. She wasn’t lost at all…

‘You’re saying… that it’s because I’m scared that it happened? Scared of myself?’

Alya locked eyes with him unflinchingly, but this time, he didn’t look away.

‘Something like that, yeah. It’s part of it. The more scared of yourself you got the less like you you felt. I bet that all kept wearing down, until you lost track of yourself entirely.’ She tilted her head slightly. ‘Right?’

‘Something like that…’ he agreed.

‘I know it must sound like nothing to you but… it’s the truest way I can put it. The shifting itself is easy, your body can do it naturally, like jumping or stretching or breathing. All it would take eventually is the smallest intention and you could slip right into it, because it’s just something you do. It’s part of you. But if you don’t have something concrete to build around, you’ll be too at mercy to your state of mind to control yourself. You’d flicker back and forth and part way and back like a light switch. And eventually you’d just fizz out.’ She put a paw on the ruined remains of his shirt. ‘And get stuck.’

For the first time since she had shifted, she approached him. She made sure to do it slowly, every step measured and gentle as she did it, continuing to talk.

‘You are your own landmark. Whether I’m in this form or my other one or anything else the only thing that is always true is that I’m always Alya. Shapeshifters have to be completely sure of who they are, because if we are then our appearance doesn’t matter.’

The kitsune stopped when she was only two feet away from him. He numbly found himself trying to recall if he had ever seen a red fox that big, but she still felt tiny to him, smaller still than Carter and craning to look up at him. When she was this close… he couldn’t help but notice the little spot of dark red fur above one eye, perfectly mimicking her beauty mark.

His tail moved slightly, having slowly drawn out from underneath him and starting to sway just a little at the observation. As soon as he noticed he tried to stop it but found with a wave of embarrassment that he wasn’t sure how. It was funny though, if anything could be right now.

He wondered if he had anything that stayed the same… even now.

‘Thanks Mufasa…’ he mumbled after a moment, and his tail swished a little more when she really turned her head at that one.

He wasn’t really sure what expression he managed but he couldn’t help the huff that was almost like a weak spirited chuckle, or some approximation. ‘Remember who you are… you know, like the Lion King?’

He barked out an odd weary sound that he knew was as close to a laugh as he could get, enjoying despite everything the baffled expression he knew he would get. He clung to his stupid joke like he had before… days ago in the classroom when he was trying his best. This one might not have landed but, it was for him more than anything, and he held on to the spirit it gave him.

‘You’ll have to explain that one, I guess,’ she relented after a moment, and though she said nothing of it, she enjoyed her own wash of relief. Nino was still just barely shaking, being held up by the weight of his dog but… he was familiar. Back to that great, unimaginable effort. Just doing his best to survive.

Nino felt… frayed, still split apart and scattered but… it was something just this side of hopeless. He had been unraveled but he was gripping some of the strings, dragging them towards him and fumbling them in the dark. He moved a paw and did what he could not to ignore the feeling of the pads against the tile but… but to at least not flinch. To not run away.

He forced himself to look up, looking down the dusty cluttered class room and towards two others… two others who came.

Adrien met his eyes immediately, the boy pulling up straight and watching him with that exact same concern as he had in the lunch room. It was powerful, and empathetic and more than he had earned, more of a testament to him as a person then anything. Caring enough about the new kid enough to come… and to bring help.

He hadn’t meant to shut them out, Marinette ringing the edges of her dress in her hands as she suffered through the ordeal. It was just that… he had been far away. And Alya knew somehow how to come and meet him there. But that didn’t mean the others hadn’t gone so far too…

He couldn’t forget that.

‘Hey…’ he said, though he understood that he couldn’t hear him. Alya turned to look back at them as well, moving aside in surprise when Nino suddenly stepped passed her.

Carter hurried to shadow him, still diligently supporting him as Nino took a few shaky steps forward, focusing on meeting them halfway.

He nearly stumbled but Carter held him, coaching him quietly on which foot to move next, helping him adjust to the movement without having to be asked. Nino was embarrassed to have to look down at his feet but… he was passed that now. He didn’t have it in him to be ashamed of it, he just did his best to get there.

When he looked up again Adrien was crouching on one knee, Marinette copying him quickly and staring at him intensely. Her eyes were wide and watching… and he noticed, dully, that her eyes were wet.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whined, looking back at her. Like everything, he didn’t fully understand her… but he had seen enough to realize that she must have been there with him. Aware on at least some level what he was feeling. So, he hoped she could tell now that he was sorry for that.

She smiled weakly, and his tail answered with that same, subdued sway.

He looked back to Adrien and saw that he was offering a smile too, but behind his eyes there was a whirlwind he couldn’t gauge. “Hey man,” the boy offered, Nino’s ears flicking at the actual sound of it since so much had essentially been said silently. Adrien laughed a little, the sound breathless. “It’s really good to see you. I- uh… I’ve been saving you a seat.”

Carter looked between Nino and the cat a little warily but knew better than to make a fuss of it now. Despite whatever the Shepherd might believe…

He owed him.

‘Thank you,’ Nino offered back, trying to make some kind of soft sound so Adrien would at least know he had been answered. When the boy smiled he knew that the message had made it across, and he resolved that when he got things pulled back together, that he was going to do something to make it up to him. To all of them, for their kindness towards someone they barely even knew.

When he got it back.

When…

He held on to that too.

#tmitr #the monster in the room #spooky!ml au #werewolf #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #kitsune #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #chapter 11 #part 11 #tlp writes #thelastpilot writes #supernatural au #carter the dog #caline bustier #miraculous ladybug #ml #my fics

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