#I’m so plagued like it genuinely causes me physical fucking pain

[bunorous]

Aro people is it normal to be genuinely platonically in love with someone or with multiple people like you just love them so so so so much so dearly but it’s in your own unique way and can best be described like “yeah I’m in love with them” but it isn’t romantic because you’re aro and also have a girlfriend but it’s just so so so so strong that the word platonic feels like it’s too simple for it. It’s not just “platonic” it’s like god I love you so fucking much you know .

[adonismorningstar]

Just watched Pearl last night w/ my spouse who’s been thru it with my mental illness, autism, and trauma issues. And omg that movie made me feel like absolute shit. She’s a ESFP too. Which didn’t help. It felt like a ugly mirror pointed at me and was like “that’s you, ugly.” But damn was it also a great movie and Mia Goth fucking killed it. I just felt really awful about who I am and who I’ve been in past and all my messy mistakes. My BPD, PTSD, and many other mental shit already make me feel like such a monster but seeing a fictional tale of a monstrous version of how you act is hard hitting and harder to swallow. I’m highly aware of how I’ve been and acted in past but it’s just… it hurts. And I couldn’t even process it after because I was made hyper aware of all my thoughts and first thought reactions to how I felt after movie and ended up quicksanding myself in dread of self hatred. Which only made me more upset that I reacted like that. This year has been really testing me hard mentally more than ever and I’ve been through the absolute ringer with the universe and myself. And it’s only becoming more and more apparent how mentally I’ll I am and just how deep my PTSD is. But yet, in all my 24 years, still, I feel like I am not allowed to feel pain from any of it. Because everyday I am reminded that I am a monster. Everyday I remember i cut off my family after being betrayed so much, I remember all my lost friends who hurt me, remember all my past emotional and verbal abusers, remember all the pain I’ve caused and have felt in my marriage because of my own actions and self everytime I look at my wife’s eyes, and just everything I’ve lost. It reminds me that I always end up with blood on my hand and that I am truly a ugly person. I never say that as a pity bait or boo hoo me, I genuinely believe that I’m a bad person. I still always feel like that bad rejected kid that caused nothing but issues. Nothing but burdens for everyone I love. So they leave or hurt me. Or put up with me. Even though, I know I’ve been told it’s not always that and that there are genuine friends and chosen family who do love and care for me. Despite, knowing my real self. I know that should make me happy. I know, I know, I know. And yet, this plague resides in my heart. It fully started hurting me deeply this year. Now whenever I feel bad, sad, hurt, depressed, panicked, and more- my heart stings in pain that snatches my breath away and feels like a black hole in me trying to suck me in from the inside out. It’s a constant reminder of all the pain I’ve dealt and been through from others I loved and trusted. It makes me so deeply sad and I’ve been struggling with depression more than ever as this year proceeds. But what can I do? How can I react to it? That is just and won’t make anyone mad or reopen the wounds that came from my hands? I feel so trapped in myself more than ever. I feel like I can’t feel anything. And when I do, even with trying to back myself and let myself feel, I am engulfed by dreadful guilt and miserable self hate. It makes me cry and ache so much. I feel like I have to constantly water myself down just to not be a problem. I’m already so weak and pathetic. Physically and emotionally now. It had already been such a death sentence with how weak I’ve been all my life mentally. But to now become weak as shit physically because of trauma making me bed ridden for a couple years in recent past. Everyday, I am humiliated waking up in this body and brain. Looking in the mirror and seeing how ugly I am inside and out. And the nice things that do stumble into my life after bouts of trials and bad luck- feeling so unworthy of them. My brain is so sick and I constantly have to feel the guilt that I’m actively choosing not to medically aid it because of all the years of medical trauma I went thru growing up and now I’m such a fucking coward of being hurt again by doctors that I once trusted so much to try and make my parents happy. But now, I just cause nothing but more trouble being raw me. And it hurts everyday so much.

[aemonds-sapphire]

Comfort — Hawks x Reader

Hawks’ nightmares only got worse with each passing day, but you finally found a way to give him some comfort.

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort. Fluff. Mentions of trauma and abuse. Manga spoilers.

Word count: 1.1k

The scream pierced through your ears like pins and needles, jolting you awake at once.

Another nightmare.

You rolled over to Hawks’ side, nudging him lightly, but to no avail.

“No… no… dad… no!”

“Keigo…” you took his damp face in your hands, attempting to still his abrupt jerks. “Wake up…”

It broke you seeing him like this. You were no stranger to his nightmares. They had been a constant in his life and in your relationship with him. But they had doubled in the past few days, and would often occur more than once each night.

“Keigo…”

His writhing body suddenly stilled, letting you know he had snapped from his sleep. Even in the poorly lit room you were able to see beads of sweat sliding down his skin and strands of his blonde hair sticking to his damp forehead.

Hawks’ eyes remained firmly shut. “I’m sorry…”

Something inside you cracked.

As you watched him bring one hand to wipe the wetness from his face, you couldn’t help but feel helpless.

It seemed like tonight his abusive father had plagued his subconscious.

But far more than that haunted him these days. He had lost his wings — even if not permanently — to his confrontation with Dabi. For somekne who valued freedom as much as he did, you knew this transcended physical pain.

The winged hero was now caged.

He was now bound to the ground and to the guilt of having taken someone’s life. Even though he had never mentioned it to you, you could see remorse eating him from the inside out.

And if these truly gut-wrenching experiences were not enough to tear someone down, something else had broken his spirit.

The very man he had idolized from a young age was exposed as an abusive father and husband. With Dabi’s reveal came not only shame to the hero society, but unspoken pain to Hawks.

He wouldn’t speak of it. He couldn’t. Not now. And even though the general public now resented heroes, he couldn’t turn his back on them.

But there is only so much one can take before they break down.

“I’m here…” you whispered kindly, tracing his skin with your thumb, careful not to touch the burn scar that spread from his neck and into his left lower cheek. “What do you need?”

You were about to slide off bed to get him a glass of water when his hand gripped your wrist.

“Stay… please…”

His hooded golden eyes were fixed on you in a silent plea.

Your heart clenched tightly, and you didn’t dare say a word.

And still, he smiled faintly at you.

Because that’s what Hawks was best at. Being a beacon of hope and comfort to others even when he was the one in pain.

“I’m fine,” he said, knowing his body language told you otherwise. “C’mere…”

He shifted to the side, and motioned for you to join him.

“Keigo… you need to talk to someone about this…” you started slowly, and even though his smile quickly faded you carried on. “If you don’t want to talk to me, then please ask the comission for help.”

This was a blow to his pride, and it was splattered all over his face.

“I told you I’m fine. I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to become a hero.”

“Really? You a child when they took you in.”

This was definitely not what you had planned. Hawks had a deep devotion to the commission, and, in a way, you could understand why. But it still left a sour taste in your mouth knowing that they used him to carry out their dirty work, which eventually cost him his wings.

“You don’t get it. You never will.”

There was no anger in his voice, but there was no point in prolonging this. You doubted he’d ever get mad at you, and deep down he knew you were right. But his pride was the only thing he had left now.

You heaved a deep sigh, scooting closer to him. “How can I help?”

The urge to make him feel safe was so ablaze inside you that it hurt.

His lips tilted into a genuine understanding smile. Hawks knew that you meant well, and he wanted you to be assured of that.

Fuck. You loved him so much.

“C’mere… please. Let me hold you.” He insisted once more.

You were still hesitant to, again, let him get off the hook so easily.

“Keigo…”

“I need you by my side,” he said, the grip on your wrist tightening with urgency.

You slowly lowered yourself next to him, until his chest was firmly pressed against your back as one of his arms circled your body, deepening the embrace.

“You’re so warm,” he whispered as he rested his chin on your shoulder.

There was a bittersweet feeling to this. One the one hand, you wished that he’d open up to you about his struggles, but on the other you were grateful that he hadn’t pushed you away.

Silence fell between you two, and for a brief moment it seemed like nothing else matter. Nothing else crossed your mind as his heart drummed into your skin and his fingers laced with yours.

After a while, you felt him rock his body lightly. You vaguely wondered if it was just him being playful, but soon realized that it was far from that.

He was lulling himself to sleep.

And it would have been fairly easy to overlook had you not known the cause of it. He had once shared how his mother had gotten him an Endeavor plushie as a child. For a long time, he relied on it for comfort. He’d cradle it in his arms when things at home got rough. The tiny stuffed object had provided Hawks with more comfort than his parents ever had.

The comission eventually took it away, claiming that it was unbecoming of a future hero to depend on such trifling things for emotional support.

Even if he refused to admit it, you knew that that was the exact moment when he first lost his freedom and became a puppet on their strings.

But it was crystal clear that old habits die hard, and in the event of traumatic events, your body will donits best to provide comfort.

And when you can’t do it by yourself, it will seek out another source.

In Hawks’ case, it was you.

You had taken the role of Endeavor’s stuffed toy. It was enough to fill your entire skin with goosebumps.

This felt far more personal than you had anticipated.

Being his safe haven even if only momentarily.

As his back and forth faint motion slowly faded into stillness, you realized he had fallen asleep. His steady breath fanned your neck, but his grip on you never eased.

And no more nightmares or wicked dreams dared haunting Hawks that night.

He was safe with you.

-

Masterlist

-

Thank you to my beloved @dabifixation for suggesting this to me ❤️

[lilmajorshawty]

I hope this isn’t to vulgar to ask but have you experienced men of every rising sign? More so would you be able to speak on the genitalia of all the eighth house signs in men you’ve encountered? I would like to see if there is any merit in the general depictions of the eighth house when it comes to sex organs

Haha you’re fine my love! I don’t mind being of help!

I personally attract virgo, Sagittarius, Gemini, Scorpio rising men the most. I have had sexual encounters with men of all 12 zodiac signs and I’ve managed to get rising signs for a great deal of them! Sadly I can’t speak broadly on many of the rising signs considering the higher volume of the four I just mentioned being the majority of the ones that come my way.

Aries rising men: in my experience? Sweet, they are very much what you see is what you get types considering their entire chart is a reflection of the natural traits of all 12 zodiac signs in their comfortable houses. Sexually I would say their sexual organs look dark, like literally they have a darker tone then the rest of their body. They aren’t rough sexually but they can be very intense, if I could describe them? I’d say it felt like I was swimming in a pool at night with strobe lights at the bottom. They know how to have sex and it feels good, they are very much so emotionally available during and after. Very violent orgasams and can seem very spiritual during.

Taurus rising men: in my experience? Babies. They can be needy and distant at the same time, very weird mix. They want things at a very specific time and can be hard to compromise with especially sexually. the thing that stood out to me is how fast they ejaculate, and I don’t mean this in a bad way, they are just very easily aroused much like a literal bull. They tend to love foreplay but if you’re too good at it they’ll cum fast. They can be very vibrant and bubbly during sex lots of laughter, but if they’re not laughing they’re usually just super into it lmao. They have very big and long sexual organs. I wouldn’t say thick, I would say more like a long sword in typical sag style. They are very out of tune emotionally during sex so that’s the only downside.

Gemini rising men: in my experience? Sad boys. They got issues and they’re not good at hiding them. They can seem moody, aloof and slightly misunderstood. I can’t peg them sometimes, they seem like they have a mixture of mommy and daddy issues but then they can seem arrogant and self assured at a moments notice. Domination kinks and restriction plague them. I would say the sex is often sensual and deeply attentive in its nature. They want to feel all of it and none of it at the same time. Touch and physical intimacy is the thing they adore the most in sex and I think that’s what makes them so special. They’re really sweet and good natured and you get to see that part of them more freely during sex as contrary to the belief of Capricorn in the 8th these natives are tremendously affectionate and loving during sex. I will say that they get sad or more serious after climax and I have no idea wether Saturn does that or if it’s something deeper. They may be a bit on the smaller side when it comes to sexual organs in most cases but they know how to use it for sure. They are very horny like the goat

Cancer rising men: in my experience? I’ve dealt with some who have cap and others who have aqua in the 8th, for some reason the result is still similar in a way. They can be soooo receptive, they know what you need better than you do. They are present but not overbearing. They feel parental but in a way that feeds the parts of you that felt like they were missing something. I’d say sex always comes with a lesson with them. It’s never just casual sex. They tend to nurture during sex and can be very emotionally deep and connective during. They are definitely the type you spend the night with naturally or hang out with the next few days or unexpectedly end up dating. The sexual organs are usually pretty unique! Some curve, some have like those cute beauty marks on em. They also tend to be well hung.

Leo rising men: in my experience? I found them to be distant, perplexing and heavy. They seem a bit disengaged but can have moments of affectionate behavior and romantic burst that come from nowhere. Sexually though they can be passive, they feel real wet and liquidy I dunno how to describe it. Sex with them just feels very moist and like there’s a lot of fluids everywhere but idk it doesn’t feel like a bad thing. They precum a lot and can be very submissive. They are not horny per say? They are more on the “if you wanna” side of things. So Neptune and Jupiter rule Pisces so as you can already imagine these men tend to be packing some heat. They sorta dunno how to use it though? For some reason they have a very clumsy way of having sex as if they’ve never done it before? They don’t really have boundaries either so you’ll need to make sure to ask them if they’re okay cause a lot of the time they might not be.

Virgo rising men: in my experience? I’m gonna try and not be biased. These men are very ethereal. They are very quiet and genuine. They have this very honest and blunt way about doing and saying things. They carry a lot of pain though and you can see it in their eyes which I will say they have very intense eyes. Sexually? They are VERY passionate. They treat sex like a sport but not a fun sport, rather they treat it like a life or death ring match. They definitely pack a punch and will rock your shit. They can be deeply sensitive and intimate all the while being completely in tune with every part of you during sex in such a way that’ll make you feel like you’re freefalling. The genitals in my experience are veiny, very masculine in the way they look. Every time I see a guy with a Virgo rising it never ceases to amaze me how rough and aggressive their penis are. They are also very intense ejaculators and can be very big on equal ejaculation(my pleasure is your pleasure theme) contrary to the Aries myth, they can go and go and go for hours without cumming so as a warning please try and build your stamina

Libra rising men: in my experience? Confused? They can seem like they’re waiting for something to start but also won’t do anything to make something start. They can seem aggressive but are secretly hoping you make the first move. They are very touchy and very adorable in their being but they definitely can be the types to let the other person take the lead. One thing I’ve always liked about libra rising men is their cute butts and their charming way of seducing you without oversexualizing the situation. Sexually they are AMAZING Jesus. Once you get them going they will really run rampant. They are very sensual and they love slow touching and intimacy. They are emotionally present and can have a personality change during sex, they turn into a whole other Individual. A warning I will say is that they get very caught up in the moment and you’ll have to snap them out of it from time to time if they’re to caught up in the pleasure. They’re sexual organs like most fixed signs is pretty thick and heavy. In my experience the length is normal but the girth is what will really kill yah.

Scorpio rising men: in my experience? Fuck these guys are HOT. They don’t have to try very hard either which is annoying, they literally just exude this strong, mysterious and emotionally unavailable energy that makes you want to strip right in front of them. Are they into you? Do they care? Are you more into it then them? Who knows and they probably won’t tell you. They can be very manipulative and tend to gaslight(and I’m not joking about this nor am I jokingly using the term) they tend to have mental detachments from their emotions which can give them sociopath like tendecies. Sexually they are curious, very control oriented. They want to watch you go crazy so most times they leave you in charge. Riding is one of their favorite positions because they get to see you fein for them. They are senstive to your feelings during sex but don’t mistake this for them being emotionally invested in you, the Gemini in their 8th house is playing whatever role gets you to respond in the way they desire. They are very loving nonetheless when they do truly care for you. The sexual organs are usually very thick. I think they’re the ones who invented the word chode. The penis tends to be girthy and also has a pretty good length to it, and they definitely know how to work it.

Sagittarius rising men: in my experience? These guys are some fucking heartthrobs! I hate to say it but man they are so rugged and masculine you can’t help but love their boyish nature. They are definitely obnoxious, loud and ridiculously dense when it comes to reading the room. What makes them so hot though is how reckless they are with all things. They don’t give a shit. Sexually though? Emotions run HIGH they tend to be very drawn to feminine energy. A lot of guys like this adore feminity in all forms be it in men or women. If you have that feminine glow to you, they’ll eat you up. They tend to have a strong desire to impregnate and the idea of being connected and having that sort of emotional receptivity with the person their fucking drives them wild. They are very intense sexually and can be very overwhelming the first few times mainly because adjusting to them is impossible, you never know what emotional spectrum you’ll get. Their sexual organs aren’t that big, sometimes they can be girthy but most times long and or average size tends to be what I see more. Are they good at using it? Yeah, you’ll fall asleep right after trust me.

Capricorn rising men: in my experience? They are very unassuming. They are so fucking calm, so fucking unmoved and so fucking ahead of you every time. They don’t rush things and can really make you feel so comfortable with how respectful and real they are. They have a very boy next door or upstairs neighbor vibe to them. Sleeping with them feels naughty sometimes other times it feels like it was a long build up. Sexually they are exhibitionist. They definitely will fill the hell out of you with their more modest persona at first. They want to enjoy all parts of your body but they also want the show to be about them. They want to hear you want them, how good they make you feel, they want it to feel like a performance where the crowd is watching. And dare I say they are constantly mastering their art, sex gets better and better and better with them. There’s never a dull moment and every time they have sex with you it gets more personal, more intense, more all consuming. They have a high libido and they are practically insatiable. They are selfish but I will say this, if you can’t get them off they definitely will do it themselves. Their sexual organs are often brighter than the other parts of their body. Very pretty too look at and also a bit on the hairy side.

Aquarius rising men: In my experience? They can seem really standoffish and for a good reason. They tend not to like ignorance and the more they see you trying hard to relate to them the less they’ll acknowledge you. They like the idea of someone who is down for them but not the idea of someone who is groveling, don’t and I mean don’t by any means act like a fan. They tend to run hot and cold for ever even if they like you. Sexually they can be meticulously planning the whole thing. The meet up, the positions, the foreplay all of it. They tend to need warnining or to know both parties had time to clean up. They’re not ones for sex on the fly or random sex as it can lead to a lot of unnecessary accidents. They’re attentive and very much the types to make you feel like you’re clay and you’re being sculpted into something magnificent. Their amazing at sex, they are like gallileo, or Mozart when it comes to the act. They move around your body like a serpent, then a leaf in the wind, than rain touching your skin. They are more focused on your pleasure than theirs so orgasms/reaching climax can be tough for them. The sexual organs are pretty small or average in most cases. If mars/Jupiter or Neptune/Uranus is there that augments things.

Pisces rising men: In my experience? They are definitely ass men. Everything revolves around booty. They are definitely soft and very sweet, but they have a sweetness to them that is fake. The real them is far more serious and self aware then they give off. They know what they’re doing and they know what you’re doing, so don’t ever be fooled by the veil they put up. They’re incredible receptive and sensitive and a lot of their internal feelings come out at some point just not at the moment it needs to. Sexually they can very hotel sex types. Like I don’t know how to really explain it and it’s so opposite of what you would expect of libra but they are very impersonal people. Like sex can feel very romantic and as if they are treating you like a significant other but something about it is detached, far away and unavailable. They are good at creating the engagement aspect of sex but can fall short at the emotional part which is semi-strange considering what you’ll get up to that point. They are very experienced but at the same time they may need to be taught to connect a little deeper or to open up more. They have very soft and gentle sexual styles that will still make you feel cared for but sometimes in the back of it all you’ll still feel that “I’m fucking a stranger” vibe. Their sexual organs tend to be very beautiful, nice length and nice width. They’ll definitely be a lot better at the sex part once you guys are committed though.

So obviously this is a general word of mouth and does not take into account planets being in the 8th house nor does it mention decans which can greatly alter much of what I’ve said. And honestly you can apply the decan rule here if you’d like! Simply use the decan lord so if they’re a third decan Virgo rising and have Aries in the third decan in their 8th house which is Aries/Sagittarius: you would mix those interpretations. Anyways hope this helps love.

[ketamineharry]

Be Alright Pt 2 - Ethan Payne/Harry Lewis 2/3

Requested: No

Authors Note: This is the second part to Be Alright, you can find the first part here and you can also find the third part here! Thank you for reading xx

Harry and Cal, had kindly let you stay at their flat for the past two weeks. You had been blanketed in a sense of depression and loneliness. Despite being around the two men who constantly comforted you and allowed you to drown your sorrows in the alcohol they had purchased; you still couldn’t get over the fact that you were no longer with Ethan. That wasn’t the hardest thing though, the hardest thing was the betrayal you had to harbour. The betrayal that not only Ethan and Carmen had handed you, but the betrayal that you had bought among yourself — Ethan had always had the reputation of being a ladies man, yet you decided to give him a chance.

Harry crashed down on the sofa next to you, he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. He grabbed your phone off of the coffee table and passed it to you.

“I think it’s time for you to go through everything and delete it. You need to get over this donny and you won’t be able to do that with photos haunting you on your camera roll and on Instagram.” He said, as he broke the silence between you.

You nodded, as you unlocked your phone. Ready to erase the last three years. You started off with your camera roll, the smiles that reflected back at you, sent a wave of pain through your body that you didn’t know existed. How long had he been messing around behind your back? You weren’t even sure if the smiles were genuine anymore. Ethan had destroyed every ounce of faith that you once had in your relationship. A month ago, you were convinced that you were the happiest you had ever been. A month ago, you felt secure not only within your relationship, but within yourself.

Now, here you were questioning everything. Even as you deleted the photos, you couldn’t erase the memories. At least not yet. That’s one thing that he would always have over you, for at least the length of time that it took you to move on and forget. Never mind the psychological damage he had caused.

“I keep telling you it’s going to be alright. But I want you to know that things will get easier. Freezy and I have already said that you can stay here for as long as you want… plus, you’ve made such a massive step by deleting those photos.” Harry continued, trying to instill some sort of hope back into you.

Freezy came bounding out of his bedroom and made a beeline for the fridge, and retrieved a can of beer and some pastrami. He looked over at you and Harry, a cheeky smile tugging at his lips.

“Y/N. I just thought I’d let you know that I’m filming with Ethan later on, but Bog can take you out for a Nando’s or something so that you don’t have to see him.” Cal explained, as he made his way over to you both and plonked down on the sofa.

“No, I want to see him. I need to confront him and try and get some closure. I hate feeling like he’s gained all of this power and control over me, and that there’s nothing I can do. He can fuck right off if he doesn’t like the fact that I’m here.”

—

It was around two in the afternoon when Ethan finally rolled up at the flat. A sense of anger immediately gripped you. He had taken such a good relationship and poisoned it. He had made you question yourself. He made you blame yourself for an action he decided to make. He had plagued your life to the point where you couldn’t go back to your own flat. Yet here he was, so brazen and so normal. Above all, you were angry that he was ok, when you really weren't.

He made his way into the lounge, which is where you were. Curled up in a thick, fluffy blanket, watching your comfort show. Trying your best to convince yourself that everything happened for a reason and soon enough, you would be happy.

“Y/N.” Ethan called, breaking the silence. Even your name in his mouth felt wrong now. Which was strange, because not long ago it was your favourite sound.

“You look great.” He continued, which you both knew was a lie. You had been finding it hard to regularly shower, brush your hair and get fresh clothes on every couple of days. Harry or Cal would help you when they could, but their busy schedules meant that they were restricted on when they could physically do things for you, such as brushing your hair out.

Ethan however, looked amazing as much as you hated to admit it. He was freshly showered and dressed in a white jumper, black jeans and the trainers you had gotten him for his birthday; only a few months prior. As he stood there, he looked so much like the man you once knew.

Against your better judgement, you stood up and made your way over to him. You just needed to make sure that you weren’t imagining things. Ethan was just a few inches away from you now, a small smile on his face. Tentatively, you placed a hand against his cheek. It was ice cold, you assumed it was due to the crisp autumn air that billowed at the windows at night.

While you shared that moment together, it felt like your Ethan was back. The man you fell in love with. The man you knew that you were safe with and for just a brief moment you were reminded what happiness he had provided you with.

“Carmen and I have been on a few dates… I didn’t know you were going to be here, but I guess it’s better that you know because things are going well.” He mumbled, as he broke eye contact for the first time. Instead he chose to look at the floor, presumably too ashamed to even look at you.

Immediately, you dropped your hand from his face. You wanted the ground to swallow you whole. No matter how badly Ethan had broken you, you still loved him. If you were honest with yourself, you were still in love with him. So to know that he had already moved in, despite being the one to cheat felt like another slap in the face. One last final blow.

Without any thought, you found yourself in Harry’s room. A pillow covered your face as you sobbed. You could feel your whole body shaking. While Harry just sat there and allowed you to cry, never making you feel bad. Just allowing you to feel what you needed to, in the presence of a friend that you trusted.

“I tell you what, we’ll go on a night out tonight… just us two. You’ll forget about that little ginger prick in no time.” He said, giving you a playful nudge.

You had absolutely nothing to lose, so you agreed. Perhaps alcohol would provide the comfort you needed once more, because after what had just happened; you needed it.

[notanacousticsetcal]

begin again - calum hood

summary - based off of the song “begin again” by taylor swift. because i adore her and her songs are basically perfectly condensed little stories. so here’s what i think of when i hear that song.

mood board

warnings - hints at prior emotional and physical abuse, some emotional abuse flashbacks. toxic relationship.

word count - 1.9k

a/n - i’m not sure how I feel about it. I think I like it. please enjoy!! i love doing these song-based stories though I think they’re so fun to write so ill probably do more if you guys like it? highly highly recommend listening to the song first. or after if you want but definitely listen to it, its so good.

Took a deep breath in the mirror. He didn't like it when I wore high heels, but I do. Turned the lock and put my headphones on. He always said he didn't get this song but I do, I do.

You straightened your dress in the mirror, sucking in an anxious breath, and applied a thin layer of lip gloss. You glanced down at your heels pushing away his voice in your head. The voice that controlled you for so long. You checked the time, 6:14pm. With that, you grabbed your bag and pulled out your keys, locking the apartment door behind you. A foreign feeling washed over you as you walked down the hall. One that felt a little bit like confidence. You hadn’t felt that in a long time. It was quickly replaced by nerves at the prospect of what would be happening in 15 minutes, but you did your best to suppress them, the constant feeling of not being good enough entering your mind once again. 

It was a beautiful day. The sun was still shining though it was getting nearer to the horizon, there wasn’t a cloud in sight. It was a warm 80 degrees. 

He would say it's too hot. He would ask to stay inside. You, however, wanted to enjoy it. And that’s what matters, you reminded yourself. 

You put your headphones on as you walked along the cement sidewalk and shuffled your playlist. A song you used to love started playing softly into your ear and your finger itched to change it. You almost pressed skip, but stopped yourself. What was it he always said?

“I don’t get this song. The lyrics are kind of silly, don’t you think?” He grabs your hand and gives you that little smile he always did. The empty one that made you feel small.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll change it.” You reach up and change the station, falling back into the passenger seat and resting your head against the window, not knowing exactly why you felt so sad. 

He knew how much you loved that song. 

You shook yourself out of your thoughts and tucked your phone away, letting the old song play out. It sparked some of those old feelings in you. The ones you had before you met him. Those feelings of contentment and comfort. Happiness.

“I get this song,” you whispered softly to yourself.

Walked in expecting you'd be late, but you got here early and you stand and wave. I walk to you. You pull my chair out and help me in and you don't know how nice that is, but I do.

You stumbled into the small cafe and began to scan the room for an available small table. You were shocked to see the brunette already occupying a table near the window. Your favorite spot. He had a book out, but you couldn’t read the cover. 

Not wanting to disturb him, you walked up hesitantly, prepared to wait awkwardly until he happened to glance upwards, but he noticed you right away, closing his book and shoving it in his bag. 

“Hey,” he said as he stood up. A smile quickly took over his adorable features. 

“Hi.” You glanced down shyly, and his smile only grew. Before you could move, he reached around behind you and tugged your chair out from its position under the table and gestured for you to take a seat. You stared at him, embarrassingly dumbfounded, before quickly taking the seat and muttering a quick, “thank you.” 

A small, unfamiliar feeling began to grow in your stomach, replacing the pesky nerves from earlier. 

You didn’t know what it meant, but you knew you liked it. 

And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did. I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end.

“And so I ran out of the room, completely covered from head to toe in flour and practically broke down my mom’s door begging for help. She forbade me from baking ever again and I can’t say I blame her.” You smiled proudly as you watched Calum throw his head back and let out the cutest chuckle at your stupid childhood story. 

“That’s fucking hilarious. You’re really funny, you know that?” He looked at you in admiration, the most genuine of smiles on his face. Not a hint of the emotion you used to see in his face when he looked at you. One of apparent disdain and resentment. For what, you didn’t know.

You blushed a deep shade of red. 

“You really think so?” Your intonation says the questions rhetorical, but you genuinely wondered. 

“We hid behind a shower curtain at Kohl’s and won the entire game.” You finish the story up and the entire table erupts in laughter. 

“Max, you never said your girlfriend was such a blast, you should bring her around more often,” one of his friends says from across the table. Max laughs a hollow laugh but you don’t think anyone else picks up on it but you. You’ve gotten pretty good at reading him.

“She’s great, isn’t she?” He grabs your hand. It's a compliment so why does it sound like a threat?

The table continues with their conversation and Max’s jaw sets, his grip on your hand tightening,

“Are you trying to make me look bad?” He whispers. 

You lean back in your chair, dumbfounded at his ridiculous comment. “What are you talking about, Max?”

“Stop trying to show me up, these are my fucking friends,” he spits. He looks angrier than you’ve ever seen him, his face tinted red. You glance around the table to see if anyone else is noticing this. They aren’t.

“I’m not trying to show you up. I’m sorry.” You feel so small. 

“Just shut up, alright? I just want to spend time with my friends without you ruining everything for me.” With that, he turns away, leaving you to hold back your tears.

You didn’t know it, but from that moment on, you would find it hard to talk in group settings. Or to anyone at all. Because whatever he said, you believed. 

And you didn’t want to ruin everything. 

“Hey, you alright?” Calum asked, reaching out his hand gingerly to touch your shoulder. 

You jumped slightly, partially because you were daydreaming and partially because of the jolt of electricity his touch sent up your arm. “I’m sorry, did I scare you, love?” He laughed and you blushed at the pet name.

“Sorry, sorry, I have no idea why I do that sometimes. I’m so sorry.” You repeatedly apologized, growing increasingly flustered. You shook your head in an attempt to brush away the unpleasant memories that plagued your mind.

“Hey, hey,” he reached out and grazed his fingers against your arm again in reassurance and butterflies practically exploded in your stomach, that gut feeling you couldn't identify earlier growing stronger with every passing moment. “You don’t have to apologize. I was just wondering where you went, is all. I’m curious to know what goes on in that pretty head of yours.” Here comes the millionth blush, you thought as you ducked your head down, a cheesy grin on your face. 

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

But on a Wednesday in a café I watched it begin again. 

You said you never met one girl who had as many James Taylor records as you, but I do. We tell stories and you don't know why I'm coming off a little shy, but I do.

“Do you like music?” He asked, resting his chin in his palm, all his attention on you. Something you weren’t used to. It made a pink flush wash over your cheeks.

You weren’t aware at the time, but Calum found it incredibly endearing.

“I love music.”

“What kind of stuff do you listen to?”

“Honestly, I mean it when I say I’ll listen to anything, but I think I most enjoy alternative. All the different sub categories. Indie, Folk, Punk, Rock, you name it, I’ve probably tried it. I think I like how all-encompassing it is. What about you?” Talking that much made you clam up a little bit, worried you’d seem annoying. He didn’t seem the slightest bit bothered, though, as his fingers began to drum softly on the wood of the cafe table, his other hand stroking his chin in thought. 

“I think I’m the same way. I think all genres have some creative element to offer and what I love most about music is the fact that there are so many different kinds.” 

You smiled to yourself, running your finger around the rim of your coffee cup.

“What’re you smiling about?” He teased.

“I just like your passion. That's all.” His expression turned bashful and he gently kicked at your feet under the table. 

Calum wondered about you. About how you would freeze up or disregard compliments. About how you remained hesitant to share your interests. About your unwillingness to really let him in. About your passive nature. He wondered about how you flinched at his touch. That hurt his heart. He felt the urge to make sure you felt safe with him.

Most importantly, he wondered who would’ve ever tried to hurt someone as gentle as you.

And we walk down the block to my car and I almost brought him up but you start to talk about the movies that your family watches every single Christmas and I would talk about that and for the first time what's past is past.

“You told him you were from France?” Calum struggled to get the sentence out as he was laughing hysterically. 

“Yes,” your hands went to cover your face in embarrassment as you let out a pained groan. “I even faked a French accent and everything but ended up getting a detention anyway.”

Calum continued to cry laughing at your story from your formative years. “You were a little rule breaker back then, huh?”

You laughed and kicked a few pebbles on the sidewalk. The breeze had picked up slightly as a storm threatened the skyline. Involuntarily, a shiver traveled up your spine. “I guess I was. No idea how I turned out like the grandma I am.”

He glanced over at you running your hands up and down your arms to ease the goosebumps and immediately started pulling off his leather jacket. You, of course, protested but he insisted and draped the heavy piece of clothing softly over your shoulders, rubbing them affectionately. 

“Thank you,” you said, softly, kicking a few more pebbles on the sidewalk as you made your way to the parking garage. 

The jacket smelled expensive and woodsy and you felt yourself cuddling into it, the scent feeling so welcoming already.

Calum felt giddy at the sight. You were blissfully unaware. 

A comfortable silence filled the evening air and you felt yourself wanting to talk about him. To tell Calum why you don’t let people in. Why he broke you. Calum chuckled to himself and your train of thought dissipated immediately. His laugh practically made you forget your name.

“Have you ever seen A Christmas Story?” 

You smiled warmly. “Of course. I love that movie.” And you felt in that moment, a piece of you slipped away. A piece of you that was never really yours… rather, who you were told to be. That happiness sucking, all consuming, toxic piece of you that left you exhausted and resentful. You decided you didn’t want it anymore. You didn’t need him anymore. You never did, you just didn’t know it.

You were you. And that was enough. More than enough. And it felt so fucking good to start to realize it.

That cool evening on that quiet sidewalk next to that cozy cafe with that smiley brown eyed boy was the night you watched it begin again.

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Recovery Zine - The Bonds We Choose (Recovery Leftovers Now On Sale!)

Hello, everyone! I’m so excited to finally share the story I wrote for the @recoveryzine project that was so much fun to work on! Speaking of, the leftovers sale is now up and going and you guys should check it out! 

https://recoveryzine.tumblr.com/post/626096800774897665/recovery-leftovers-go-on-sale-august-14th-at-6pm

Support some great causes, enjoy the characters we all love, and remember to take care of yourself! 

~

Aizawa Shouta grunted at the solid kick that slammed into his crossed arms, pushing him back a couple inches across the training mats. The follow up punch was aimed directly at his exposed side a half second later, Shouta dodging the shot before catching the next swing with an open palm, ignoring the light sting and staring into the determined eyes of one Shinsou Hitoshi. 

A beat passed where the two stared each other down before Shouta let his lips twitch up into a pleased smile before he relaxed his stance, Shinsou doing the same after making certain the match was truly over. “You’ve been practicing on your speed.” 

“Like you said, none of this matters if I’m not fast enough to keep up with a fight before I get a chance to use my quirk,” Shinsou shrugged, trying for modesty even as Shouta saw the glee at his efforts being noticed. The kid soaked up praise like it was the first and last time he would ever hear it. Worrying, but it was a topic for another time since Shouta saw the exact segway he needed. 

“Speaking of, we should work on your quirk today. The physical training you’ve been doing will be useless if you don’t learn how to pair it with your quirk by the time you transfer into the heroics course.” The kid had been squirming out of quirk practice since Shouta had first started training him, but Shinsou needed to improve his quirk before he tried to start learning how to use the binding cloth. 

“Today as in… right now?” Shinsou’s voice warbled like a student who was asked for homework that had never been done; which was impressive given his expression was blank and tired as it always was. The look stirring in his eyes, though, had Shouta swearing and hoping he was imagining the fear he saw there. “I thought today was a physical training day.”

“It is. Physical training means training every part of your body - including your quirk.” Shouta felt some of his own tension drain away at the disgruntled expression he was given. “Don’t worry, kid, we’ll start simple. Do you know any of the limits of your quirk? How many people you can control, how long it lasts, anything like that? Does it always have to be a verbal answer, or will a nod work?”

There was that hesitation again, like talking about his quirk was the very last thing that Shinsou wanted to do, but eventually, after what felt like too long a silence for simple quirk questions, Shinsou shook his head. “No, I have to be given a verbal answer. I, uh, maybe other languages might make a difference, but sign language doesn’t. My quirk doesn’t activate with sign.” 

The way the words were spoken, something familiar in the tone, had Shouta lifting his hands up and signing in quick, fluid motions that would be easy to read. ‘You know sign language?’

His suspicions were confirmed when Shinsou responded in sign, a simple, ‘The basics.’ The motions were a little hesitant, so whatever he had learned had either been recent or he didn’t practice with ‘speaking’ it much. 

Shinsou went back to talking, Shouta frowning as the kid rubbed at the back of his neck, the clearest sign there was to show he was nervous. “I, uh, I don’t know how many I can control at once, but I think it’d only be one or two before I started having problems. I don’t really know a time limit, but to break out of it the person just needs a hard jab or something.”

“Alright, we’ll start today by seeing what sort of time limits you can work with when it comes to a single person not fighting back. I want you to use your quirk on me and then hold it for as long as you can. I won’t be fighting back, to begin with, but we’ll cap it at ten minutes and then go from there depending on how you feel.” 

It wasn’t the most intensive training when it came to quirks, but Shouta had a wary feeling that Shinsou didn’t practice with his quirk for more than one reason. This exercise would give them both a good idea of what he could do and also warm Shinsou up to using his quirk without any negative repercussions. It didn’t take a genius to see the quirk discrimination Shinsou had been through with a quirk like Brainwashing, after all. 

“Right.” There was the barest hitch to the words that could have been passed off as the kid still regaining his breath, but Shouta filed the information away just in case it became a problem for later. “Ten minutes?”

“Ten-” Shouta’s response ended abruptly as it felt like every empty spot in his head became stuffed with cotton while his mind disconnected from his body, the world turned on it’s side as he was unable to even make a sound or form an expression. 

He could see Shinsou’s brief smile and felt a pang of amused annoyance as he took notice of how just seeing things felt different. He could certainly understand why the average person would panic when being put under a quirk like Shinsou’s suddenly and without warning, but after a few moments of adjusting, it wasn’t that bad. 

There was no mistake the quirk was disconcerting to be under, but the disconnect was more than nice when Shouta also realized that he could hardly, if at all, feel any of the usual pain that plagued his joints and scars. It was a nice reprieve and Shouta figured if the kid decided he didn’t want to be a hero then he had a great career in physical therapy. 

Relaxing against the quirk, Shouta kept careful watch on Shinsou as best he could, noticing how the kid started to fidget and twist at his sleeves, looking at the phone he had pulled out every few seconds and obviously checking the time to keep track of the ten minute mark. 

At the hesitant call of his name, Shouta’s attention focused back on Shinsou, who was looking more and more nervous as he mumbled a soft, “It’s been a long time since I’ve kept an adult under this long, so I’m not sure how that might affect things. Just so you know.”

The disclaimer was rather unnecessary since that was the point of testing one’s quirk, so they could know how Shinsou’s quirk affected people. That was a good thing to keep in mind, though, if there were any differences in control depending on age. He had a feeling that it might be easier for an adult to break out of the control than a child, but they would have to test that in the future. 

“It’s, um, it’s been four minutes, too,” Shinsou said, something in his tone wavering as he looked between the floor and his phone. “I’m sorry, this is probably uncomfortable for you. I know my quirk can sometimes even hurt- Should I end it early? I- You can’t really answer that, I guess, but, uh- Yeah. Just… yeah.” 

He knew his quirk could hurt, huh? Shouta could guess at the types of people that had told him that, before, and he made another mental note to reassure the kid that his control was, if anything, helping his pain. 

“Aizawa-sensei, I’m- I’m not sure if we should go the full ten minutes.” Something was wrong. “I- It’s not hurting me, but it’s probably hurting you, and I know you’re a pro-hero and everything, but I- I don’t want to hurt you, Sensei.” Fuck, the kid sounded so genuine and as if the very idea of hurting someone terrified him. 

Focusing on Shinsou as much as he could, Shouta wanted to curse as he saw that the kid, in just a few short minutes, had become tense and withdrawn. He clutched at his phone with enough force to turn his hands a pale white even as he stared at the ground with his chest stuttering as if he wasn’t able to get a full breath, something in his face both utterly expressionless and completely panicked. “Aizawa-sensei, I… I can’t let go.” 

There was a beat of silence, Shinsou’s phone slipping out of his hands and crashing to the floor, Shinsou following a second later and crouching down low with his hands buried in his hair, Shouta a second away from starting to panic himself as Shinsou’s terrified mutters filled the air, a constant stream of, “Sorry, sorry, sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t do it, I don’t remember how to let go, why can’t I let go, I can’t do it-” that didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. 

A moment passed where Shouta had no idea where to even start to break Shinsou’s control before he felt it snap on his own, everything inside him shifting as the world was returned to its proper place and his mind and body were his own again; which had him stumbling in his steps as he adjusted to the familiar wave of pain that swept through him. 

Taking a single second more to reorientate himself and feel nothing except worry for the kid who wanted to so badly be a hero and yet was so terrified of his quirk, Shouta took a breath and walked forward slowly, crouching down in front of Shinsou and not quite touching him, instead asking a soft, “Shinsou? Can you hear me?”

There was no response beyond the terrified mutters and apologies, Shouta making one last mental note to talk to Recovery Girl later for suggestions on how to help Shinsou deal with what he prayed was something that only recently developed. 

Weighing a few choices quickly, Shouta finally settled for resting a hand on the back of Shinsou’s neck, the kid’s head half buried between his knees with how low to the ground he was crouched. The words all cut off and faded with a sharp silence at the physical contact, Shouta careful to keep his touch firm, but easy enough to slip away from. 

“Shinsou, can you nod if you can hear me?” Terrified, half-glazed eyes darted up to him, a half-nod being given to him. Shouta felt something in him unwind just a small amount, a breath leaving him as he gave a nod himself. “Alright. I’m going to give you a set of instructions and I want you to follow them. Can you do that?” The nod came a bit quicker this time, Shouta grateful that Shinsou hadn’t yet completely lost himself to his panic. 

“Good. Take a slow, deep breath in without rushing.” Shouta half-worried for a second that Shinsou would lose himself to his panic again before he saw the teen’s back slowly rise with the deep breath he was taking. “Good- That’s good. Now hold it for me, alright?”

Counting out five seconds in his head, Shouta lightly tapped the back of Shinsou’s neck, careful to not squeeze. “Now let it out slowly and steadily. Don’t rush it.” Waiting for a good seven seconds, Shouta gave Shinsou another tap. “Good job. Now, one more time, okay? Take another slow, deep breath in.” 

Shouta ran Shinsou through the breathing exercises a couple more times before the teen seemed to start to come back to himself, Shouta deciding he was okay when all the panic had drained out of him in favor of embarrassment, a quiet, “Sorry.” leaving him. 

“Kid- Shinsou,” Shouta waited until Shinsou was no longer looking away from him to continue. “I teach a heroics course at the most rigorous school for heroes in the country and deal with panicked and hurt civilians on a daily basis. This isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with something like this and it won’t be the last.”

That, at least, seemed to help in some way, Shouta sighing as he finally sat down properly, feeling twinges of pain as his body readjusted to the new position. He watched as Shinsou copied him after a long moment, properly sitting on the floor with an expression that could only ever be called guilty. 

“‘S not very heroic, though… being afraid of your own quirk.” Ah… so Shouta had been right, then. He wished had hadn’t been. “I mean- I should be over this. I should be over this!” The fight seemed to drain out of Shinsou as quick as it had riled him up, the kid looking the very picture of dejected. “Heroes aren’t supposed to have flaws like this.” Oh. Well, then. That was something, at least, that Shouta could help with. 

“Shinsou, would you say that I’m a hero?” It was almost funny how quick the kid’s head snapped up, his eyes wide as he scrambled to answer. 

“Of course! You’re one of the most successful underground heroes- You’d be in the top ten easily if you ever went public!” Hm. It was an effort to hide the laugh he wanted to give. 

“Even though I suffer from chronic pain and narcolepsy?” Shouta didn’t make a habit of sharing his personal life with his students, but, well. Shouta had already made peace with the fact he was less of a teacher and more of a mentor to the kid. 

Shinsou, for his part, was silent and still, eyes wide as he stared at Shouta before finally managing a quiet, “You… what?”

“It’s pretty common knowledge around the teachers and my students, at least, that the use of my quirk causes dry eye,” Shouta hummed, settling down and shifting to relieve some of the pressure on his right hip. “What’s not as well known is that I have a moderate to severe case of narcolepsy depending on the current state of my health and chronic pain in my joints that I’ve had since I was a teenager.” 

Shouta wasn’t sure how to describe the look on the kid’s face, but it at least wasn’t anything bad. That was good enough. “So, after knowing all of my ‘flaws,’ do you still think I’m a hero?”

The silence lasted for only half a second more before Shinsou was looking like any other hero fan, “How could you not be a hero?! You’re basically running around and fighting quirkless while you’re always in pain! That’s incredible!”

Nemuri and Hizashi would get a kick out of this kid if Shouta ever made the mistake to let them meet, he mused to himself, but for now he batted the thoughts away and caught Shinsou’s gaze before letting himself show a small smile. 

“And so are you.” The look that showed he wanted to argue was there on his face, but Shinsou stayed quiet. That was enough, for now. “Shinsou, you’ve told me enough about yourself that I can guess what you haven’t told me.” A ‘rough childhood’ probably didn’t even cover it, after what Shouta had seen. “You’re recovering, Shinsou, and recovery, no matter what else you’ve heard, is a process. You’re never going to wake up one day and be perfectly healed, and that’s fine.” 

Shouta looked down for a moment, gathering his thoughts and pushing himself to be just personal enough to get through the kid’s stubborn head. “There were a lot of times when I was your age that I thought of giving up. I had a quirk that didn’t offer me any physical strength, I had medical problems that were only getting worse, and I was further behind my classmates than anyone else. It would have been easy to give up and go do something that wasn’t so ‘dangerous.’” 

“Why didn’t you?” Shinsou’s question was hushed and hesitant, as if afraid he wouldn’t get an answer. Honestly, he should have known by then that Shouta would never refuse to answer a question from him. “If… With all of that, how did you keep going?” 

“I almost didn’t, but… I had friends who gave me the inspiration I needed to keep fighting.” There were some memories from that time in his life that hurt so deeply, even then, but others were the only thing to keep him going after some fights. “Those bonds gave me the strength and the inspiration to see that I could keep fighting. 

“I wasn’t lying when I said recovery is a process, Shinsou. There aren’t always going to be happy days. There are going to be days where it feels like nothing will ever be good again, but those days end. Recovery is a battle that involves fighting back just as much as it involves resting and gathering your strength.”

Shouta blew out a breath, leaning back for a moment. “Recovery isn’t an end goal to achieve. It’s something you’re constantly working and improving on until you can go beyond all the limits you set for yourself. Understand?” 

Shinsou was silent, an expression on his face that showed he was thinking over Shouta’s words carefully. Finally, after what could have been an eternity, Shinsou gave a tired, but real smile. “Plus Ultra, right?” 

Shouta couldn’t have stopped his laugh if he tried, standing up and still chuckling as he ruffled the kid’s hair. “Yeah, kid. Plus Ultra.” 

There was no doubt, after that, that Shinsou Hitoshi was going to be one of the best heroes Shouta had ever seen. 

[soul-scenarios]

Onsra | Part XIII [final]

(v.) - to love for the last time; a bittersweet feeling of knowing a love won’t last

Words: 15.8K

Genre: Demon au, heavy angst, smut

Read: For previous chapters, click here: Masterlist

A/N: It’s finally coming to a close! Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy reading the last chapter of Onsra.

“Do you really hate me? I remember when you promised you’d love me no matter what. Haven’t we all made mistakes before? I really am just so sorry, baby. I took the time to seriously reflect on how much I’ve hurt you. I think we should start over.”

Beep

“Why do you keep ignoring me? Answer my calls. I fucking swear... You don’t want to know what I’d do. I’ll tell her everything.”

Beep

“Look, I’m sorry. Please, can you let me see you one more time? I just have to speak with you. That’s all I want, ok? Then, I’ll leave you alone. I’ll leave her alone, that’s what you want, right? I’ll text you when and where to meet. Please be there. If you really ever loved me as much as I loved you, you’ll be there.”

Beep

“You’ll come, won’t you? If not, maybe I’ll have to find her. It won’t be hard. Do you think she’ll be disgusted with you if I tell her everything we did? God knows she wouldn’t still be with you if you did. But wait— Oh, baby, no way. You didn’t tell her? Should I then? What do we think? Should we hurt her? Now that I have your attention... you know I’m serious, you’ll come see me, won’t you?”

Beep

Jungkook’s face pales, brows drawing together as his hand holding his cell phone drops like heavy weights to his side. It was voicemail after voicemail, one torturous one after another. She was going to tell you everything? What did that even mean? What was she going to tell? There was nothing to... absolutely nothing.

For fucks sake, she was just a human after all, and him— a demon. Yet she always managed to pull off making him feel like he was weak, like he was inferior and powerless. Why was it that somehow he was always unexplainably right where she wanted him to be: at her beck and call? While her words shouldn’t have affected him in this way, especially with all that she had put him through, he somehow felt exactly the way she wanted him to should he even consider defying her.

What she felt towards him wasn’t even remotely close to love; it was an obsession. That’s what made her even more dangerous, but he just couldn’t believe even for a second that she’d cause any physical harm to you. He just couldn’t. He wouldn’t allow it.

Jungkook grits his teeth, the muscles in his jaw tightening as he raises his phone, the nonstop buzzing from the device ringing in his ear. His expression hardens when he reads the dreaded text message from her indicating the meeting place and time. As much as he detested the predicament he was in, he didn’t have much of a choice; this was all his fault after all. Was he doing this to protect you? Or to protect himself?

Fear instills in him as he ponders in absolute silence: Was this it? Would you really leave him this time?

You would. Earlier he was able to alleviate any suspicions and worries you had by promising he wouldn’t see her again because there was no need to. If he chose to defy her, Yoojung would hurt you. What would she do? What exactly would she tell you? Would you believe her? If he chose to submit to Yoojung’s demands and you found out, he’d hurt you because he would have misused and betrayed your trust... But that was only if you found out. His eyebrows crease as he squeezes his eyes shut.

I’ll be there. There was just no other way, was there? Jungkook presses his lips firmly together, shoulders dropping as an exhausting and shaky breath escapes. Would you still love him? His feet feel heavy as he begins to head into the classroom. Don’t let her find out. Don’t let her know something is wrong.

He manages to pull his eyes from the floor to see your friend, Jieun, twisting her body to turn around in her seat to tease you no doubt. She had to have been, especially at the way you were tugging at your turtle neck. The weight on his chest seems to lift at just the sound of your soft and melodic voice. He could never really pin point it, but something about your presence always seemed to put him at ease.

Then the thought crosses his mind: what if he had never met you? Perhaps all this could have been avoided if he had chosen someone else to go after, yet at the same time, he couldn’t imagine not having you in his life now. This was selfish of him, he understood that much. You would’ve been fine without knowing of his existence, of demons. You never would have been involved or dragged involuntarily into this mess of his. Maybe you would be dating someone else... something else... someone human.

There was no use thinking that though; there was no turning back. If only he had known earlier, he would have held you a little bit longer, kissed you a little bit harder... Or if he had known just how deep he’d fall in love with you to ultimately just hurt you and lose you... then maybe it would’ve been better off if you were never his.

“I don’t think he’s quite like that,” Jungkook’s train of thoughts are quickly interrupted when he overhears you bark back at Jieun, catching you quickly roll your eyes.

“I don’t even want to know what Jungkook looks like... Oh— speak of the devil,” Your friend raises her eyebrows inquisitively when she spots Jungkook heading in your direction. She turns back around in her seat to face the front of the classroom with a mischievous and sly grin. When he sees you hiding your face with your hands in embarrassment, he can’t help the way his mouth curves up into a genuine smile for you. He always loved how easily embarrassed and flustered you got whenever anyone teased you, whenever he teased you.

“Hey, good morning,” Jungkook mumbles softly, brushing the hair gently behind your ear as he sits down in the seat beside you. Your hands drop to your lap as you cutely pout at him, a clear indication that you were just being made fun of by Jieun. God, you were just so beautiful... Jungkook feels his heart skip a beat in his chest and that’s when he knew he wanted absolutely nothing more than to savor this moment with you.

He can’t help himself and leans over to press his lips gently against your forehead. A pink blush dances across your face and a small laugh escapes your mouth at his endearing act of affection; it was absolute music to his ears. But his facade ultimately falters for a just split second, the smile slipping from his face momentarily as he’s reminded perhaps this would be the last time he would ever hear it. Perhaps this was it...

I’ll be there

—

“Y/N... I can explain.” The demon musters the strength to say, his mouth falling open at the sight of you before him. This was not how it was supposed to happen; You weren’t supposed to be here. The color drains from his face and his mind goes completely blank. He feels his heart and stomach dropping simultaneously.

You couldn’t take your eyes off of what seemed to be utter betrayal before you.

“I’m sure you can,” Your lower lip trembles and your voice shakes as you snap at him. It wasn’t your intention to condemn without hearing him out first, but you were finding it difficult to think straight with Jungkook standing so close to her, with her hands touching him... What were you supposed to think? Your words were more than enough for the demon to look down with what you would’ve assumed to be remorse and shame; any longer and he thought he’d crack and simply fall apart under your pain-filled and murderous gaze.

“She’s fucking lying.” The words are violently spat out with pure, unadulterated rage by the demon.

Lying about what? Did he have any right to say that? He also lied to you about seeing her again. Was that all he had to say to you? Did you even want to know? You watch on in a complete loss for words, before turning to look at the woman standing beside Jungkook.

That devilish, twisted smile you had seen once before spreads like the fucking plague across her small, doll-like face. Her taunting gaze nothing short but piercing as she silently challenges you to speak up, to step forward and approach them both, but you don’t. Your eyes follow hers as she finally breaks eye contact with you, her fist tightening around the bottom of Jungkook’s shirt to pull him closer to her as if to show you who he really belonged to. That didn’t bother you for long as you watched her slowly drape her other hand on her stomach.

“I-I don’t understand,” No, you didn’t want to understand. You feel your knees giving way, as Jungkook takes a step forward instinctively before being stopped by Yoojung. Her hand tightens on his shirt, pulling him back towards her. “D-Don’t. Don’t come any closer. Why? Why are you here? You told me you wanted me to be honest with you. I asked when you were going to see her and you said you weren’t. You were the one to get upset with me because you said I was dishonest. I-I told you how I really felt— that I didn’t want you to go. You should’ve just told me if you wanted to. Why are you here?” Your hand shoots out, palm facing him to stop him in his tracks as your anger slowly settles in. Why didn’t he say anything to you? He didn’t want you to know, was that it? He didn’t trust you?

“He’s here to take responsibility.” Her smile darkens as she quickly chimes in to speak on his behalf before he even had the chance to answer for himself. You couldn’t help but feel helpless as you watched the demon finally speak up for himself.

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. What are you not understanding? It’s not fucking mine.” Jungkook retorts through clenched teeth before grabbing her wrist to forcibly remove her hand from him. Her eyes narrow at his action as everything begins to sink in for you all at once...

“Let go. You’re hurting us...” She enunciates the ‘us’ and you watch as he releases her wrist quickly.

Us.

Us?

“No... oh— What the fuck?!” You scream in shock as you begin to step away from both of them. This was madness, what the hell was she going on about? “She’s not... You didn’t...” You couldn’t even find it in you to even say it out loud. It couldn’t be. Just the thought of Yoojung and Jungkook together was vile enough but they... he... No, it couldn’t be.

“I swear to you, I didn’t. We didn’t. God, I wouldn’t do that to you, Y/N, please!” Jungkook shouts abhorrently, eyes pleading with you as he takes another step towards you. Everything was all unraveling and falling apart before him and he felt helpless to it all.

“I don’t understand anymore,” Your voice breaks, tearing your eyes away from the both of them.

“Really? What don’t you understand, Y/N?” Yoojung finally chimes in. “We fucked, simple as that. Is it that hard to believe? Did you think you were special? Is that what he told you when he was screwing you? That he wanted you and only you? Some thing tells me that you believed it.”

“S-Stop...” You cry, knees beginning to buckle. This is what she was good at: getting into people’s head and messing with your emotions. As much as you ddin’t want her words to affect you, it was.

It wasn’t true, it couldn’t be true.

“Oh that’s precious. There’s no way those thoughts didn’t run through your little head when you were with Jungkook. He did so well convincing you. Just look at you. Did he tell you what you wanted to hear? Sorry, but it was only to get his dick wet, to get his temporary fill while he waited for me to come back. You were only a replacement, and that’s all you’ll ever be. This is proof of that. You’ll never take my place. You really thought that he wouldn’t jump at the immediate chance to be intimate with me again? Multiple times at that and it just so happens that now we’re—”

“Please, stop it!” You scream, covering your ears in the hopes to silence once and for all the ringing from her shrill and diabolical voice.

“Shut the fuck up, Yoojung! Will you just shut the fuck up for once with this deranged bull shit?!” The demon raises his voice, his hand curling tightly into a fist by his side as he watches your body beginning to shake, frustrating tears falling down your face. “It’s not true, Y/N. Absolutely nothing she’s saying holds any truth. She’s making this all up. Y/N... please...” He calls your name and hesitantly begins to approach you again. He swallows difficulty, the lump in his throat growing when he realizes you inadvertently were stepping backwards, farther and farther away from him.

Is that all he could say: it’s not true?

“I...” You bite down on your lower lip, hating the fact that you were succumbing to the hurt and letting the words of a notorious manipulator and liar affect you. As much as you didn’t want to believe it, your eyes could not betray you. Not while Yoojung was standing there with her wretched hand on her stomach before you spewing knife cutting words which awoken once more all your insecurities and fears that Jungkook had put to rest. You wanted to run away. Maybe this was all a mistake. Maybe it would hurt less if you just listened to what Taehyung had to say.

“You know me, Y/N... Better than anyone. I wouldn’t do this to you, to us.” His pained voice softens and just as you draw in a deep breath, an ear piercing laughter rips from the back of Yoojung’s throat. She keels over, her arms crossing over her stomach as she continues to burst out in fits of delirious laughter.

“Oh my god. This is just so sad. Oh, how pathetic. She knows you better, Jungkook? How long has she known you for? Oh Y/N... Do you think you know best about his whereabouts 24/7? Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but when he wasn’t playing the devoted boyfriend role with you, he was underneath me... in me.”

“I didn’t lay a hand on you, and you know that.” He seethes.

“So why are you here? Just tell me why you’re here with her, Jungkook...” You had enough of Yoojung speaking on behalf of him. You weren’t even sure who to direct your anger at anymore.

“Because I knew she would tell you lies if I didn’t meet up with her. She told me she wouldn’t hurt you if I came. She said it was the last time. I didn’t mean for this to happen— you weren’t supposed to be here.” He answers straight away, shoulders dropping in defeat. “You... were supposed to be in class. You weren’t supposed to be here.”

“So you were never going to tell me that you secretly met up with her?” You ask him quietly and as fast as he opens his mouth to object, he closes it, lips pressed together. He didn’t have to answer.

“That’s right,” Yoojung interjects once more with her unnecessary commentary. “So why were you conveniently here, Y/N? Jungkook says you were supposed to be in class, so what were you doing instead? Who were you with instead of attending class like you were supposed to?” Your eyes widen and your breath gets caught in your throat.

Was she trying to corner you?

“I was with Taehyung.” You answer calmly and quietly, refusing to look away from Jungkook and Yoojung as you stare at them head on. You weren’t so sure they heard you from the unexpected lack of reaction from Jungkook.

“Who?” She sneers, her wild smirk spreading from cheek to cheek as she laughs madly. “You were with who now? Say it louder. Go ahead, tell us. Tell us!” You could see her body almost trembling with excitement, like she was getting off on this.

“I was with Taehyung.” 

You didn’t do anything wrong with meeting up with him. You didn’t break Jungkook’s trust, nothing. There was no need to panic, but why did it seem like she knew? Like hearing the name of another demon leave your lips would cause Jungkook to react without question?

She must’ve known you were with him.

Then, was Taehyung somehow involved in this whole thing of his own volition? Could she have forced him? It didn’t make sense. Yoojung.. all of this. Then was he speaking the truth about Jungkook? Or did he have some responsibility in scheming with her?

“You were with Taehyung.” Jungkook’s eyes darken immediately as he repeats what you say. You couldn’t tell if it was disappointment or hurt written on his face by the way his jaw tightened, but if he had anything to say about it you wouldn’t back down. Not after seeing him here with Yoojung; he’d really have the audacity to yell at you for just simply conversing with the other demon? He had no right to be upset if that’s how he felt. 

Yoojung laughs loudly again, breaking your train of thought.

“So you’re fooling around with both Jungkook and Taehyung? Yet you come here all high and mighty asking why Jungkook’s here with me. Look at you getting caught.”

“Caught? I have absolutely nothing to hide. I’ve never fooled around with Taehyung. I’ve never fooled around with him or been anything more than just— acquaintances... contrary to what he said to make you believe that.” You stumble over your words and bite on your lower lip as you look over to make eye contact with Jungkook, directing your attention to him as you continue to speak. “You know we didn’t do anything. You can sense that, can’t you? He just asked to speak with me before class started, that’s all. I saw you and her from the window from where we were standing— from the hallway Taehyung brought me to.”

Your eyes were now pleading with him to understand. If anything, Yoojung must’ve whole heartedly believe that you and Taehyung actually had something going on since that run in between the four of you. Jungkook knew there was nothing going on between you and Taehyung.

You wouldn’t do that to him.

And he wouldn’t do this to you.

“Fuck. Did you get Taehyung involved in this? Was this your plan all along?” He grimaces, hissing under his breath as his attention now focuses on the girl beside him, but she doesn’t answer. “Fucking speak up!” He raises his voice, but her silence and inability to answer says it all.

“Come on now. You think I forced him? He just wanted to show Y/N the truth, about you and me.”

“There is no you and me and there is no us! When will you get that delusion out of your fucking head?”

“Do you really believe her? That nothing happened between them—”

“I do, because I trust her.” Jungkook interrupts her again, refusing to let her finish her sentence. His fists loosen by his side and his shoulders drop as he looks in your direction, refusing to meet your eyes. “She’s given me no reason to stop trusting her.”

“A-And what, Y/N, you believe him? Do you trust him the same way he trusts you? Knowing everything that you do? Please.” She scoffs devilishly from the side and shakes her head slowly as her attention turns from Jungkook to you now. “When will you learn that you’ll be nothing but second best? You can’t possibly think to replace me.”

“I know what it means to be second best. I’ve felt it before. You held a special place in his heart, and for the longest time, and even now still. I was jealous of that, but I’d never want to replace you, especially since you were the person to hurt him so deeply.” Your jaw clenches as you take a step forward. That’s all she was capable of; Manipulative words to feed your biggest insecurities was her tactic. It was to make you feel smaller than her, to feel weak, insignificant and beneath her. She was all talk. “You need to let him go and move on. You’re holding onto whatever you and Jungkook had in the past.”

“You do realize that he is the one who came back to me.”

“After you threatened him!”

“Did I? With what, threatening to expose the truth about us? So who is it that isn’t letting go of the past? Need I remind you that he and I will be sharing a future together?” She challenges, and you look disgustingly at the way her eyes travel down to her stomach again to use as leverage.

“Will you stop fabricating these deranged narratives? There is no way that belongs to me because I. Did. Not. Fuck. You.” Jungkook enunciates each word for emphasis. “I never touched you. I didn’t lay a single hand on you like that. It disgusts me to even think about it.” The demon growls threateningly. A cold chill runs down your spine despite him addressing Yoojung and not yourself. She spins on her heels to face him before jabbing her finger accusingly at him.

“You don’t remember? You wanted this as badly as I did. This whole thing of starting over and this is what we decided on.” She motions to her stomach. “Jungkook. You told me you still loved me. You said you wanted me. It was you who bent me over and had your way with me. You didn’t even want to use a cond—” Yoojung begins before being cut off mid sentence.

A loud and surprised shriek leaves her mouth all of sudden. Even you jump in shock, a scream leaving your own lips as Jungkook’s right fist slams against the brick wall right beside her head. You watch in absolute horror as pieces of mortar and cement fall to the ground from the impact of his fist.

The look on his face was dark and murderous, a look you were unfamiliar with as he stares down at her. With that kind of strength, it wouldn’t take much for him to just simply— you shake the thought from your head quickly. He wouldn’t hurt her... he just wouldn’t.

Oh god.

Jungkook didn’t wince at all from the pain, his body completely numb with rage. He was angry at everything but mostly at himself in believing that there wasn’t a grander scheme in play when he agreed to seeing her. He should’ve known somehow Yoojung would’ve gotten you involved to sever whatever trust left you had in him. This whole thing was his fault for underestimating how truly conniving and manipulative she was. No, he should’ve told you. This is where everything went wrong. He had nothing to hide, so why didn’t he just come straight out and tell you?

“Oh? Now you’re fucking silent? Are you taking me seriously now?” Jungkook chuckles darkly as he tilts his head menacingly and begins to make disapproving tutting noises. “You’re really getting on my last nerves and I’m running out of patience for these fucked up fantasies you’re creating between you and I. What are you trying to accomplish here? Coming to me saying that whatever it is inside you belongs to me when you and I both know I didn’t once lay a hand on you since your unasked return. Did you completely lose it? You were the one who tried to force yourself on me. Either you’re lying, or it belongs to someone else. With your history, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were some other bastard’s, huh? Or maybe you don’t even know who it belongs to? That would be quite something. You think you can just come over here and claim that it’s mine? You’re fucking out of your mind.”

He was completely unrecognizable. This wasn’t the Jungkook you knew. He wasn’t the Jungkook you had grown to love, and that was what scared you. You were finding it increasingly hard to breathe, the air seeming almost thick surrounding the three of you as you stared on at the events unfolding before you.

“J-Jungkook,” You call his name hesitantly but it was rendered inaudible in the demon’s rage.

“Oh? You’re so quiet all of a sudden. Is it finally my turn to talk without interruption?” The demon scoffs under his breath as his free hand slowly creeps up, fingertips trailing up her fragile and small neck tauntingly. Yoojung swallows visibly in fear, but says nothing. His mind was clouded, all he knew was that he wanted to shut her up. How blissful would it be to never have to hear as much as a squeak of his name from her lips. Yes, he was certain he’d like that very much. Then, in much of your horror, an unfamiliar sinister smile spreads across his face. “This is over. How easy it must come to you to spew whatever nonsense comes into that head of yours. Do you think of me as something you can own or can just play around with whenever you want? You think I’m at your disposal? Did you have fun messing around with these mundane human feelings I have? You forget what I am. One more filthy lie, Yoojung, and I won’t hesitate to take these hands and snap that little annoying—”

“Jungkook, stop! That’s enough!” You scream, unable to see this side of him anymore. This wasn’t him. You knew he was angry and you knew he was in pain, but he’d absolutely regret hurting her like this regardless whether or not he felt she deserved it, regardless of what she’s done to him... to you... Tears roll down your face, the icy chills running down your spine not even slightly subsiding due to the dark aura emanating from the demon. “Don’t hurt her. You don’t want to do that. Jungkook, hurting her will do nothing...”

“You’re wrong... You have no idea how badly I want to just...” Anger was still lingering in his eyes, but his hands immediately drop to his side when he sees the tears trickling down Yoojung’s horrified face. He backs away from the frightened girl and exhales sharply, feeling instant regret over losing all sense of control. A defeated and gutted look dawns on his face before he grits his teeth, ripping his eyes away from Yoojung’s figure and not daring to look into yours. “Are you afraid of me now? Do you think I’d hurt even you?” He asks quietly giving you his undivided attention despite not looking in your direction.

Somehow deep down he felt he already knew the answer to that, especially with what just happened now. The decision to come see Yoojung had him already preparing all different types of scenarios in his head, all of them ending with you parting ways and not forgiving him. He broke your trust and saw Yoojung. Hell, she even claimed she was with child— his child. How preposterous. Would you believe what she said over him? As much as he adamantly tried to argue against it, you were going to believe what you wanted to in the end. In fact, he must’ve put the nail on the coffin by letting his emotions get the best of him by threatening Yoojung just now. You deserved better than this.

Yet there you stood, unmoving with your chest heaving up and down as you stare blankly in his direction. Your dainty fingers were fisting your shirt tightly as if clenching your fist tighter would simply put a stop to your incessant shaking. Your inability to answer his question said it all. A grimace quickly forms on his face, his jaw clenching.

“Go on then. You better fucking turn around and don’t look back.” Jungkook forces himself to mutter out. He wasn’t sure why he was telling you this when it was the exact opposite of what he wanted to really say. Please stay with me, Y/N. Don’t leave me. I need you. I’m so sorry. But you don’t move. “Did you hear me? Fucking leave if you’re so scared of me! Just go! You see what I’m capable of. Did you also forget what I was?! You think I’m going to apologize for scaring you? For scaring her? For threatening her life after she’s sought to ruin all that I have? This is who I am. This is what I am. I don’t need your sympathy. I don’t need your pity. I don’t need your acceptance. I don’t fucking need anyone, I don’t need you! Whether you believe me... or trust me after all this doesn’t matter to me anymore.” His voice cracks and his chest aches having said those cruel words, none of it holding any truth.

There was no easy way getting over you, he knew that much. If he had to imagine that you hated him to get through it, he would do just that.

“Is that really what you want me to do? You really want me to leave you just like that?” His ears perk up at your unexpected voice, and he looks your way. His gaze finally meets yours. “I don’t need you to apologize for who you are. I’d never ask that of you. I-I understand you’re angry, but I know you wouldn’t hurt me. You promised.” You take in a deep breath before slowly approaching him, your eyes only breaking away to see what a wreck Yoojung was: Her knees must’ve given in by the way she was sitting slumped to the ground, back pressed against the wall with a hollowness in her eyes as tears continued to run down her face. As horrified as you were to witness such a demonic side to the man you loved, you couldn’t really find it in you to feel sympathetic towards her, especially not with what she’s put him through again.

“D-Don’t come near me.”

“Or you’ll hurt me?”

“Y/N...” Your name is all he can find himself saying when you finally stand before him. You look up at his shaken figure and slowly reach out to take his trembling hand in yours.

You weren’t scared of him.

“You didn’t break anything, did you? It must hurt a lot,” You say quietly while examining his skin torn bloody knuckles. His fingers moved slowly in your hands and you sigh a breath of relief. “Oh... Th-Thank god,” You stammer, tears welling up in your eyes and you weren’t sure whose hands were trembling more— yours or his. After everything that happened just now, your first instincts were to make sure he was alright and that he didn’t hurt himself; what did he do to ever deserve you?

“Y/N...” He mumbles your name softly again as you look up at him through tear filled eyes. “I’m so sorry... Oh god, I’m so fucking sorry... I didn’t mean to— just now I...” He didn’t know what else he could say as he takes his free hand and ashamedly covers his eyes. Jungkook flinches when he feels your warm hand come up to touch his, your dainty fingers gently removing his hand from his face.

“You don’t have to apologize anymore. It’s ok, Jungkook.”

“I don’t get it. I don’t understand you. I don’t understand at all!” The outburst makes you jump as you step away from Jungkook, almost forgetting that Yoojung was still here. The small girl slowly stands, steadying herself before tightening her fists and stamping her feet immaturely. “I don’t get it one bit. H-He went behind your back to see me... We even... You’re supposed to leave him! You’re supposed to—”

“It’s just that I don’t believe you,” You finally answer her.

“I love you the most, Jungkook! All this time, I... I never should have hurt you or cheated on you. I didn’t feel anything with anyone else, like I did with you. I don’t want anyone else to have you if I can’t! I can give you more than she can, just give me another chance. Don’t leave me for her!” She cries erratically. You unconsciously look on with disgust written all over your face, but before you can even echo Jungkook in calling her delusional, someone calls your name.

“Y/N.” Jungkook’s hand inadvertently tightens around yours as you spin on your heel to see the demon standing not too far away from the three of you.

“Taehyung,” Jungkook growls his name under his breath. How dare he show his face here?

“T-Taehyung...” Your stomach drops as you recollect his involvement in Yoojung’s scheme. You had a feeling from Jungkook’s death grip on your hands that he was going to lose it any second now at the other demon’s presence. In return, you give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I was wrong. I was blinded by so many things. It was my lack of judgment and I... I just have no excuse for my actions. And for that, I am sorry for my involvement. I never wanted to take part in harming you or hurting you like this, Y/N.” Taehyung’s head hangs low apologetically. “I’m sorry it took me so long, but I’m here to tell the truth.”

“What a convenient time for you to also show up,” Yoojung lets out a laugh. “You’re no better by manipulating and trying to get Y/N to trust you and leave Jungkook for good so that she’d run into your arms instead. No one is going to believe what you have to say.” His eyes narrow but he simply exhales and shrugs his shoulders. He had nothing to lose at this point. She had nothing else on him or to use against him.

“She’s not telling the truth about Jungkook sleeping with her. He never did. She just wanted it to seem that way, and to push it one measure further by saying she was pregnant to get you to leave him. She told me when and where she’d be meeting with him, and told me that this was the last straw— that she was certain you’d leave him after this. It was all meticulously planned out to ensure you were at that very spot with clear visibility of the both of them,” Taehyung looks up to the building, eyes glancing right at the window where both you and him stood not too long ago. “I... I wanted to tell you up there, Y/N, to confess everything, but you left wanting to hear nothing more from me, but from Jungkook himself.”

“Are you fucking serious?!” Yoojung screams mercilessly now. “No one is going to believe you, Kim Taehyung!” But, you did. He had no reason now to fabricate a lie, especially knowing the history he had with Jungkook and with Yoojung. He wasn’t going to protect her.

“Maybe they won’t believe me. But you have to know by now that you’ve clearly underestimated Y/N’s commitment and feelings for Jungkook, and vice versa. Can’t you see that? This is why your plan won’t work... it will never work. Just give it up. I have as well.” Taehyung answers calmly in response.

“I-I can’t... I love him...”

“You’ve hurt him too many times for it to be love.” You turn your attention back to her. “You were just looking to say anything and do just about anything to isolate him, to make him feel alone so that he’d run back to you... so that he’d need you and only you. I’m sorry, but that isn’t love.” After putting him through hell, she had the audacity to still call whatever she was feeling love? The thought was infuriating and you wanted to put her in her place, especially with her fucked up misconstrued idea of love.

“J-Jungkook...” She looks pleadingly at him, hope in her eyes that he would say the opposite of what you had to say. “She doesn’t deserve you! She’s—”

“Yoojung, for your own good, please don’t show up here again.” Jungkook finally speaks up beside you, a calm demeanor washing over him as he squeezes your hand in his. “You can’t be doing this anymore. You need to move on. It’s over. It’s really time you let go of me. Whatever you and I had was in the past. I cannot see a future with you in it, because I really can’t see anyone else but Y/N by my side... I... I really love her.” His voice trails off, eyes distant as he wonders whether anything he just said regarding his future with you would hold true after this. Your mouth falls agape as you watch her finally break with his words, collapsing to her knees speechless with what looks to be acceptance. “And you’re wrong. It’s I, who do not deserve her.”

“Wh-What do you mean you love her? You love her?” Her brown hair cascades over her eyes, her head hanging low and she continues sobbing uncontrollably. Just as you were about to open your mouth to speak, the demon begins to step away, his hand still firmly holding onto yours. “No, no. I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you, I’m sorry.” She continues, her apologetic chant echoing in your ear as she tries to reach out for grab his wrist. Jungkook swiftly moves aside and forcefully past Taehyung, not giving her even the slightest opportunity to touch him ever again. You try to meet the other demon’s eyes, just for a second... but he couldn’t tear his eyes from the ground. As upset as you wanted to be with him, you couldn’t help but think Taehyung too somehow got manipulated into this.

You say nothing more as you continue to mindlessly follow Jungkook’s foot steps, still hearing the sound of the girl apologizing and crying from far away. She wasn’t following you both though, that’s what surprised you the most. What a huge commotion it was, yet conveniently there were no wandering eyes, that you knew of anyways to have witnessed that whole fiasco.

“Your keys, Y/N,” Jungkook says softly as it snaps you out of your overwhelming thoughts. He removes his hand slowly from yours, stepping back to allow you more than enough space to access the lock on the door. You mumble an ‘oh’ incoherently as you reach into your pocket, realizing that you both were standing before your dorm room. You slowly open your door and spin fast in your heels to quickly look at Jungkook upon noticing no following foot steps behind you; He wasn’t going to come in?

You hold onto the door frame tightly as you watch the demon stand at the entrance way, hands fisted tightly by his side. His dark hair covers his eyes as he actively attempts to avoid looking in your general direction. You feel a tightening yet aching sensation in your chest as you peer outward to look down the hall, wondering out of habit if it was alright for him to be lingering outside of your room for so long.

“Jung—”

“She won’t follow you here... not anymore. You’ll be safe.” He says softly, his chest slowly deflating as he attempts to step away from you.

“But how do you know for sure? I don’t care about her following me, but how do you know she won’t follow you?”

“She won’t. Just trust me. You’re safe now.” At this point you weren’t sure if he was trying to convince you or himself. You sigh, a small breath of relief escaping and you hope he’s right. As you look down, you quickly catch a glimpse of red splotches on the ground. Was that blood?

“Hey! Your hand, Jungkook! You’re still bleeding, here let me—“ Just as you reach out, he backs away fast, flinching away from your touch as he quickly puts his already bruising and bloody fist behind his back. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel a sharp pain in your chest at his immediate reaction to reject your touch.

“I’m fine.”

“What? No, you’re not! Let me just—“

“I said I’m fine, stop.” He lies as he continues to reject you and takes another step back. Just what was he doing?

“No, you stop!” Your hand shoots out to grab the front of his shirt, clutching onto the fabric tightly as your lower lip trembles. He doesn’t even have the chance to object or remove your hand as you take a large step forward to close the gap between you both. Your arms reach up to wrap themselves around his torso, wanting nothing more than to hold the broken man before you. Your forehead presses against his chest as you familiarize yourself once more with his beating heart, the thumps against his rib cage quickening as you pull him tighter against you. “Don’t push me away... Don’t go, Jungkook.”

He says nothing for the longest time as you continue to embrace him tightly, afraid if you loosened up and let go even for a second that he’d simply slip away from you. It wasn’t until finally you felt his hand hesitantly come up to caress the back of your head that you loosened your hold on him slightly.

“Please don’t leave, Jungkook,” You whisper against his chest quietly before pulling away slightly to grab hold of his uninjured hand. Your fingers quickly intertwine with his as you begin to back up towards your room now.

Don’t leave? You were telling him not to leave? His chest aches at your words, yet he still refuses to make eye contact with you, a hollow expression and lifeless look on his face. You continue to take small steps backwards, your arm fully extended as you give a little tug to encourage him to come with you. Then finally, he’s lifting his seemingly rooted feet from the ground to take a small step forward.

As soon as he’s fully in your room, you rush to close the door and lock it behind you. Maybe you were afraid maybe he’d change his mind and choose to leave.

“Sit on the bed, Jungkook,” You instruct him, but look on with defeat as he just stands still, completely lost. Not leaving you with any other choice, you pull strongly on his arm with urgency as you force him to sit at the edge of your bed like a child. “Ok, ok. I’m sorry, Jungkook, I don’t know if this is going to help too much but I-I know I must have some bandaids somewhere.” You inhale and exhale deeply before quickly throwing your hair into a messy pony tail to get it out of your face. Jungkook sits quietly and motionless as your hands carelessly scramble through your drawers until you manage to find some ointment and bandaids; they’d have to do for now. “Give me your hand, ok?”

You kneel on the floor, noticing almost immediately how he stubbornly turns his head sideways to avoid your gaze despite being directly in front and below him. You hold out your palm but he was reluctant to receiving any medical help it seemed, refusing to put his hands in yours. You sigh quietly at his childish behavior and reach out to take his hand gently in yours, the blood beginning to dry up slowly alongside his bruised and cut up knuckles as you grab a Kleenex to dab gingerly at it.

“It looks bad. Does it hurt? If I’m pressing too hard on it or it stings, just tell me ok?” You ask, looking up in the hopes for a response. Nothing, not even a nod. It looked awfully painful so you expected him to wince, but all you get is more wretched silence and you try not to feel disheartened. His mouth stays pressed shut. This was unfair for him to give you the silent treatment, and as much as you wanted to express your discontent towards how he was behaving right now, his wounds needed immediate attention.

You try not to get carried away with the ointment you put on his cuts, putting as many bandaids as you could to cover the open wounds. When you’re finally done, you let go of his hand and it stays limp on his lap.

“I tried my best, but I still think you should still see a doctor... it could be fractured, and it would be really bad if you were to get an infection. Do you understand?”

He says nothing, a lifeless look in his avoidant and empty gaze.

The uncalled for silence continues until you simply just can’t take it anymore.

“Look, I don’t know what you want from me, Jungkook. I know we need to talk about what just happened. I want to say, let’s talk when you’re ready, but I just feel like we need to address things now... Can you just talk to me? Say something, please.” You huff in annoyance and swallow nervously, wondering if your attempt to initiate the conversation would do any good if he was insistent on keeping up with this silent treatment. “Hey, ok look, if you’re upset—”

“Why aren’t you more angry with me?” Jungkook finally asks, his voice low and uncertain. “Her accusations that I slept with her—”

“But you didn’t.”

“Did you believe me?”

“What?”

“Did you believe me when I said it?” He asks again, his jaw tightening as he enunciates each word. What was he even trying to get at?

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You challenge him, eyebrows knitting in the center as your eyes narrow.

“Did you believe me when I told you? Or did you only believe that I didn’t sleep with her because Taehyung confirmed it? It makes a difference!”

“What are you even saying? Of course I believed you! Do you even hear yourself? Why else would I had stayed there to take each and every attack and insult Yoojung threw my way? If I didn’t, I would have fucking run away from both her and you. You’re suggesting that I didn’t believe you and rather trusted the words out of Taehyung’s mouth over yours?” He goes silent again.

“But even so, you saw me there with her after I told you I wouldn’t go. You should be furious with me.”

“Are you looking to pick a fight? Do you want to hear me say, I hate you? Or you want me to tell you that I actually don’t believe you and that I trust Taehyung over you? You want me to tell you I’m so angry and that I-I don’t want to be with you anymore? Is that all of what you want to hear me say? Anything more?!” You carelessly stumble over your words in confusion, your voice rising unnecessarily out of frustration towards the end. You didn’t understand him at all. Why was he saying all this? It was as if he was purposely looking for something— anything to punish himself, to make him think you hated him.

“I don’t understand how you could even stomach being here with me. You shouldn’t be here tending to my wounds. You shouldn’t even think to forgive me because I don’t deserve your forgiveness or your kindness. I don’t deserve any of this!” He raises his voice all of a sudden, pain lacing every spoken word. If anything, all of this only proved to him even more just how unworthy and how undeserving he was of someone like you. “So go on then. What are you waiting for? Fucking yell at me. Fucking tell me how angry you feel and how you hate me for having hurt you time and time again... how you feel betrayed and how you deserve more than a fuck up like me. Just tell me to leave.”

Jungkook was breaking your heart.

“Ok, first of all, look at me... Jungkook,” You straighten your back, hands coming forward to press against the sides of his face to make him look at you. “Stop saying I deserve more and that you don’t deserve me... just stop. You keep saying that but I’m right here, aren’t I? I’m still here and it’s my choice to be here with you. Listen to yourself. You’re the one who keeps pushing me away...” You reassure him, your heart aching at the sight of finally meeting eye to eye with him.

“I... I...” He stammers at a loss for words and then he finally breaks down in front of you. Tears fall uncontrollably from the corner of his eyes as his body begins to convulse and tremble as the stress and pressure cracks and washes over him.

“Do you want to hear the truth? You’re right. I felt everything you said the moment I saw Yoojung with you— anger, hurt and betrayal. I felt like I had nothing to worry about because you promised me, but then I saw you with her. She managed to single handedly bring up all my insecurities right in front of me... all the ones you’ve comforted me about and put to rest. I-I wished you would have told me, confided in me. I didn’t know what to think. All I know is that I trusted you and I had to hear your side regardless of what I was seeing, regardless of what I was hearing come out of her mouth. So of course l was upset, Jungkook. Then to hear Yoojung say you slept with her and that she could’ve been pregnant, that hurt the most. I didn’t know what to think anymore.”

“Y/N...”

“Maybe it was you who didn’t trust me...” You whisper softly to him. Jungkook exhales sharply and places his bandaged hand hesitantly over yours.

“It’s not that. Or maybe it’s just... I-I’m so sorry, Y/N. She left me voicemails, threatening for me to meet up with her one last time otherwise she’d say what she could to hurt you. I do trust you, I... I just didn’t want you to worry... I was scared of what she might say, scared you might believe her. Please know that I didn’t sleep with her. I didn’t. And I made a horribly wrong selfish decision to not tell you I was going to see her, even if it was supposed to be the last time. I didn’t want to because I was scared to lose you. I was wrong and it just made things worse.”

“I don’t think we’d be having this conversation if you just told me.” You mumble quietly under your breath, your lips pressed in a thin line and quirking to the side as you watch him slowly nod his head slowly in agreement. “It really made it that much harder to believe you. Thoughts like, why didn’t he say anything? Why is he meeting her here secretly? Was therefore anything she was saying true? Standing there and watching you with her made me feel like, this wasn’t enough for you. I wasn’t enough for you.”

“That’s just so far from the truth. Is that really what you thought? Not enough?”

“How could I not think that at that moment? I know it was just her words getting to me, you know? I guess everything went according to Yoojung’s plan. She wanted me to ‘catch you’, especially if she knew you wouldn’t say anything to me.”

Of course she knew Jungkook wouldn’t say anything to you about meeting up with her, otherwise there would’ve been no need to think he betrayed you... there would be no need to believe that anything she possibly had to say could’ve been remotely the truth.

“I’m so sorry... for everything, Y/N. I should’ve told you. I made a horribly bad decision and I just thought this would be it. One last time and you’d never have to know and that would be it, but then there you were. It was selfish and I should’ve known better. She just kept spewing lies and I felt myself getting so angry with every little thing she had purposefully said in your presence. I just couldn’t take it anymore. The more she spoke, the more I thought it was going to drive you away, that you’d hate me just like she wanted. I’ve never acted out on my anger in that way before. I felt trapped, like I had no other option, and the thing is, I felt like I was in control for once.” Jungkook places both his hands on his lap before hanging his head low apologetically. “I’m sorry, I-I’ll understand if you’re scared of me because of that. Just know I never want you to see me like that again.”

You had never seen that side of him before, that much was true. Carefully, you pull yourself to your feet to sit beside him on the bed. A small sigh leaves your lips as you lean slowly over to your right, your head resting gently against his shoulder.

“I’m not scared of you, Jungkook. Do you think I’d be here right beside you otherwise? I think if anything I feared for her actually, but I didn’t think she was undeserving of your lashing out after all the hurt she’s put you through.” You place your hand in his on his lap, fingers intertwining quickly and you sigh quietly again.

“Why? When everything was working in her favor, why did you—“

“Because I love you.” You say without even the slightest hesitation. “It’s because I love you...” There’s a long drawn out silence before Jungkook slowly moves his shoulder away from you to turn and face you properly.

“Y/N. Do you regret having met me?” His hand unconsciously squeezes yours, waiting for your answer with uncertainty laced across his face. He’d understand if you did.

“No, I don’t,” You reply confidently, taking your other hand to brush at the hair covering his eyes. Jungkook leans into your touch as your finger tips gently trace his cheek, down to his jawline, then over to his slightly parted lips. “To regret meeting you, would mean I regret ever having fallen in love with you, and I don’t regret that.” You feel his jaw tighten as he swallows and adjusts his throat, taking now your hand away from his face.

“Don’t you think your life could’ve been easier without me in it? Without ever knowing of the existence of demons? If I didn’t pursue you for energy and just left you alone when you told me to, you probably could have potentially fallen in love with someone normal... it would’ve prevented all this hurt that I’ve put you through...”

“I don’t think it makes sense to look back and think that way. That’s like if I say, don’t you think your life could’ve been easier without Yoojung in it? I wouldn’t be here if I wanted to even entertain that thought. You’re certain she won’t come find you anymore?” You wouldn’t put it beside her to still persist in trying.

“I don’t think she will,” The demon’s eyebrows furrow and he shakes his head slowly. “Not with the fear I saw in her eyes. I had never seen that look on her face before.” It was probably because he had never shown that side to her before, because he was never able to stand up against her before.

“Good...” You mumble under your breath, a sense a relief washing over both you and Jungkook.

“Honest to god, Y/N, I don’t deserve someone as understanding and kind hearted as you.”

“When are you going to quit saying that?” Your eyebrows furrow and you sit back, hands pressed firmly in your lap now. You hated this mindset he had, always feeling he was inadequate of receiving your love, like he was unworthy of being with you.

“I’ve hurt you so many times even though I keep saying I won’t. What I did in the past even with other girls... I used them and hurt them too. How could I hate Yoojung for what she did, when afterwards I was no different? My actions were inexcusable and I regret having acted that way. I am not good enough for you.” He grits his teeth as he turns away from you in shame. It wasn’t that he was insecure or uneasy about your feelings for him; He was insecure about himself. He just felt like there was someone more deserving of it than him.

“You’re beating yourself up about the past and about what just happened. It’s not like either you nor I can change any of it, so why? You’re not the same as when I first met you either, you know that right? You’ve grown so much, and you’ve changed...”

“Have I? I still—”

“We all make mistakes though. It’s unfair of you to just punish yourself like this.” You reach out to cradle his face in your hands, chest aching again when you see him shy away slightly from your touch. “And don’t compare yourself to her. Because you are caring, you feel remorse and I know how hard it is for you to trust and open up to others. But you’re trying. You’ve come a long way, Jungkook, can’t you see that? The past cannot be changed. Maybe we never would’ve met if it played out any differently than it did. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you deserve to be happy. You do deserve me, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want you to go anywhere. I just... Thank you, Y/N...” Jungkook mumbles quietly before reaching up to hold your hand. He gives it a reassuring squeeze, his lips still pressed into a firm line as he exhales quietly. His shoulders falling from the release of tension and he shuts his eyes. “I’ll work hard to make you happy if you let me.” 

“Yeah.” you smile softly, leaning towards him to gently trail your fingers against his jawline.

Jungkook opens his eyes slowly, his hand coming up to hold yours as he leans into your touch.

“I love you.” His genuine eyes meeting yours, and he holds you gaze as you nod in acknowledgement. A small laugh escapes your lips and you press your forehead against his. “I’m really inexplicably in love with you, Y/N... and I just can’t imagine life without you. I’m sorry for trying to push you away earlier. I’m sorry for a lot of things, but still, I love you so much.” He felt like his heart was going to burst and as foreign and out of character as it was, he begins to tear up at the wash of overwhelming happiness and relief you weren’t going anywhere; you were going to stay by his side.

“Jungkook, I love you too.” You murmur softly under your breath as he leans towards you, his lips urgent and finally meeting yours. You kiss him back gently, relishing in the way his mouth fit perfectly with yours, in the way he made you feel just from a simple kiss. Jungkook pulls away slowly, a comforting smile on his face and your heart sings.

“You’ll stay by my side?”

“As long as you’ll stay by mine.”

Jungkook’s smile spreads and he reaches carefully over towards you, placing his thumb gently against your chin to tilt your head upwards before capturing your lips with his again. Your heart races as his mouth moves effortlessly against yours. Your fingers quickly grab hold of the front of his shirt. You fist the fabric tightly before pulling him in your direction, wanting nothing more than to be even closer to him than you already were.

“Ow—” He winces against your lips when you catch him off guard and your eyes fly open. You didn’t realize how hard you had pulled him in your direction, noticing immediately how despite hovering over you now, he was putting a lot of weight on his bruised hand. “I’m sorry, I lost balance just now... my hand...” He murmurs under his breath, licking his lips and wincing again slightly as his chest heaves for air.

“I’m sorry, I was too... too into it,” You mumble shyly under your breath, scooting backwards to sit up with your back pressed against the backboard it your bed. He follows suit, carefully maneuvering to sit beside you.

Jungkook reaches over, pulling the hair tie from your hair and laying it cascade and fall gently down your shoulder. He carefully brushes your hair behind your ear as he brings the strand slowly to his lips.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N, and I’m so lucky to have you.”

“I’m very lucky too,” You say back to him and reach to take his injured hand carefully in both of yours. You gingerly raise his hand, pressing your lips lovingly and carefully against his bandaged knuckles before setting his hand back down to rest on the bed.

“Is it ok if I... if we just— can I hold you?” He turns to you and stumbles over his words, asking whole heartedly and opening his arms.

Your mouth quirks into a lopsided grin, wondering why he felt like he had to ask. Was the Jeon Jungkook asking to just simply cuddle? Your grin widens at his horribly awkward phrasing and gesture but there was no way you could reject him, especially not with that genuine and hopeful look on his face.

Nonetheless you find yourself nodding and you reach for Jungkook, your arms quickly wrapping around his torso as you melt in his warm and safe embrace. You found comfort in laying against him, your ear pressed gently against his chest listening to his steady heart beat. It wasn’t long until you find yourself closing your eyes.

“Of course,” You whisper, tucking yourself into his arms as you look up to press a loving kiss to his jaw. You peer up sneakily to catch a glimpse of a rare, breath taking smile spread from ear to ear on Jungkook’s face. “Always...”

You had lost track of time laying there, your fingers calmly running through his hair absentmindedly as you listen to Jungkook’s soft snores. Maybe he hadn’t slept well these past couple of nights, especially with everything he was keeping to himself. It must’ve been exhausting and burdening. Somehow he had shifted himself to laying in your arms instead of the other way around initially, his face pressed into the crook of your neck. He looked so at peace sleeping; you couldn’t bring yourself to wake him up, not that there was anything to really wake him up for. Maybe for once he felt completely at ease.

You gently brush the front of his fringe back to press a small kiss onto his forehead, but he didn’t stir even the slightest. Carefully, you lift his draped forearm from your torso and cradle his head until you’re able to slip out from underneath him. You heave a deep breath, placing his head back gently onto your pillow and brushing his hair out of his face. Jungkook continues to snore away contently, his nose twitching ever so slightly and it makes you smile.

He had gone through a lot, hadn’t he? He needed his rest...

“I’ll be right back,” You whisper, quietly slipping on your shoes and heading for your room door. The door squeaks as you pull it towards you to close it as slowly as you could, all while keep lying a close eye on Jungkook continuing to sleep completely undisturbed. A breath of relief escapes your lips as the door clicks with a shut.

You just needed some air, maybe a drink from the vending machine, or maybe just a much needed walk alone. As much as you wanted to tell yourself you fully processed everything that just happened, you just honestly needed a moment now. You lean forward, pressing your head slightly against the closed door and shutting your eyes. A shaky exhale leaves your mouth and you wonder if everything’s going to be ok after this. While you were fairly confident your relationship with Jungkook was going to be ok, there were quite a few other things on your mind.

“Sorry...” A voice comes from behind you as your eyes shoot open, ripping you out of your contemplative thoughts. You spin fast on your heels, back pressed against the door when you recognize fully whose voice that belongs to. Standing not too far from you was none other than Kim Taehyung, his fringe covering his eyes, his hands shoved deep in his pocket with his shoulders hunched over.

“Y-You really shouldn’t be here.” You say hurriedly as you look cautiously around. You couldn’t help wondering if this was another stunt he was pulling, it Yoojung hadn’t given up like Jungkook had confidently thought. Where was she? Was she standing at the end of the hallway? Or the other end?

“And shouldn’t you be in there with him?” Taehyung wearily asks, still not looking up at you as you click your tongue in annoyance. “If you’re looking for her, she’s not here.”

“I don’t owe you any explanation. In fact, I don’t think we owe each other anything. You should go.” You respond sternly. “I’m not really in the mood to argue anymore, especially with you. You understand that right?” You don’t wait for his reply as you begin walking away.

“I’m not here to argue. And you’re wrong, I do owe you an apology at the very least, if you’re willing to hear me out... which I guess you’re not but I....” The demon mumbles under his breath and you sigh, realizing he was trailing behind you, albeit at a distance. “I-I guess I could’ve waited but I felt the need to apologize right away to you.” You stop in your tracks and chew at your lower lip, craning your neck slightly to look at the demon behind you. His mouth was slightly parted as he waited for your reply, as if he was waiting for your permission to proceed.

“I’m listening,” You mumble as you motion your head for him to catch up and walk with you, and exasperated sigh leaving your lips. As upset as you were with him for his involvement, you just couldn’t bear a grudge against him. He had come to apologize, hadn’t he? You could at least hear him out. You cross your arms over your chest, watching Taehyung swiftly catch up to you through the corner of your eye.

“Yoojung approached me after that whole debacle, you know, the one where I mentioned you and I were together upon seeing her and Jungkook together,”

“You know that probably made things worse. I’m pretty sure I told you that.” You mutter as he sheepishly nods. “She had her suspicions already after all,”

“She wanted Jungkook to be hers alone. She figured if you caught him with her for some reason, it would make you leave him and... make you come to me... Saying it out loud is making me realize now how that would never have worked, but I don’t know, I guess she made me believe that it would.” Taehyung covers his mouth with his hand in embarrassment and continues to walk beside you.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, so she decided that whole shitty ordeal about faking a pregnancy in the hopes that it would catch Jungkook and most importantly you off guard. You know, to think he betrayed your trust and all. Thing is, she’d know it was a lie, so would Jungkook. She was just banking on you leaving him after hearing it is all.” It was like you had thought; she wanted to turn you against Jungkook. You sigh before slowly taking a seat at the bottom of your dorm building’s staircase. “I shouldn’t have gone along with it. So I’m sorry. I’m really sorry...” He mumbles, sitting beside you hesitantly eyeing to ensure respectable distance between your body and his.

“So why did you?” You finally ask him with a sigh, hugging your knees to your chest.

“I don’t know, maybe part of me still thought Jungkook wasn’t good for you, that everything I’ve told you about him before still held true to his character now. Because somewhere along the way of teasing you, I guess somehow, I just wanted you to look at me.” Taehyung confessed and your eyes widen as you look over at the demon in shock.

“Um... I...” Oh god. You had absolutely no clue how to answer him now.

“Don’t worry, it’s really nothing I expected a response to. I know and acknowledge your feelings for him.” He chuckles and ruffles the back of his hair. “After all those things I said about Jungkook, not once did your feelings for him sway. You know, truthfully I only approached you initially in order to steal you away. It couldn’t have been anyone else but you, because you’re the one Jungkook wanted. I just... wanted him to know what it felt like, you know? When he took Yoojung away... I guess somewhere along the way, it became more—”

“I can’t respond to your feelings, Taehyung. I-I have to say it.” You blurt out, unable to listen to anything else he had to say as you squeeze your eyes shut. This is not what you were expecting to happen. He had fucked up listening to Yoojung just to try to separate you and Jungkook, yes. He wanted to you for himself, yes, because it was part of some stupid fight and ordeal to get back at Jungkook— but not because he somehow felt something more for you. “I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t... You don’t have to apologize, jeez.” The demon shakes his head. In the end, even if he was the one to hurt you, even if he was the one trying to tear you and Jungkook apart, you were here apologizing to him. You truly were something else. “I realized too late that what I was doing was wrong. I don’t expect for you to forgive me for all those things I said about Jungkook, for all the hurt I ended up putting both of you through. So I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“You know, the one who you should be speaking with is Jungkook.” You rest your chin on your hand and turn to him as he raises an eyebrow. “If you want to apologize, then wouldn’t it be more meaningful if you say it to Jungkook directly? I don’t know if you’re trying to apologize because you feel guilty, but you know, if you speak with Jungkook... As much as you may have hated him in the past, wouldn’t now be best to make amends?” Taehyung says nothing and looks at the ground between his feet.

“He wouldn’t want to speak with me, Y/N, you know that, much less want to hear an apology from me.” Taehyung mutters under his breath and you sigh quietly. “How could he forgive a man for wanting to take away his girl? Or for plotting to with his ex?”

“I mean when you put it that way, all hope seems lost... But you were friends before. I think it’s worth a try,” You answer and tilt your head, your lips curving up slightly. “I do forgive you by the way. You had a change of heart and you’re here apologizing so that’s what matters most to me. It would mean a lot more to me, and to Jungkook I’m sure, if you would speak with him.”

“You forgive easily for someone who tried to assist with tearing you apart from your lover for revenge.”

“Perhaps we’d be having a much different conversation if you had succeeded.” You answer and stand up, Taehyung watching you as you put your hands in your pocket. “So, won’t you also issue this same apology to Jungkook as well? Don’t tell me your ego is preventing you from doing so.” You challenge him and he shakes his head.

“You make it sound like he’ll be receptive towards even wanting to stand in the same room as me voluntarily. I tried to take you away from him... he won’t hear me out, Y/N, seriously.” You simply smile down at him before turning and heading back towards your room. A low grunt leaves Taehyung’s mouth as he stands up, trudging behind you. Why did he have a feeling even if Jungkook didn’t want to hear him out, he might just do it for your sake? Was there anything he wouldn’t do for you, Taehyung thought.

The walk back to your room was silent, and you were wondering if Jungkook would get upset at you for meddling between him and Taehyung’s affairs. Ultimately, if Taehyung was here to apologize to you, then Jungkook deserved to hear it too. If he didn’t want to forgive or accept, that was on his terms.

Just as you reach the front of your room, you hear Taehyung swallow nervously behind you.

“This isn’t a good idea.”

“Just wait, ok?” You ask him quietly as you turn to look at him, hand pressed against the handle of your door. He looks away, semi-questioning how exactly you even managed to convince him to be here ready to apologize to Jungkook’s face. If anything, he had hoped to apologize to you, to speak with you, and that’s it. Yet, he knew you were right.

All the demon does is nod, his hands shoved deep into his pocket.

You slowly push open the door to your room, your eyes tracing the still-sleeping figure in your bed. A quiet sigh leaves your lips as you quietly kick off your shoes to walk over towards Jungkook. Maybe he didn’t realize you had left? Most likely not. You feel the mattress sink beneath you as you scoot yourself beside him, fingers reaching over to comb through his hair as his eyes flutter open.

“Mhm... Why did you leave?” He groans and asks suddenly, his hand reaching up to remove yours from his hair as he sleepily presses his lips against your open palm. The way his mouth ghosts over your skin sends shivers down your spine as you try to keep yourself composed.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”

“Of course I did,” He mumbles softly. “I noticed the absence of you immediately, Y/N.”

“You were sleeping so peacefully. I didn’t want to disturb you and I just needed to get some air, that... and Taehyung is outside. But ok ok, before you—“ You tried to speak fast but nonetheless couldn’t finish your sentence; Jungkook has his hand around your wrist as he swiftly pulls your body towards him. With ease, he manages to flip you onto your back, your back now pressed firmly against the bed as he hovers above you resting on his elbows. You didn’t even have time to react much less blink before you were under him. Now he was wide awake, and you had his fully undivided attention.

“Yes, I know he’s outside. Why exactly now is he out there?” He raises an eyebrow, jaw clenched ever so slightly with irritation as he tilts his head in annoyance. Nothing could get past him... He must’ve sensed him already; of course you didn’t have to tell him a demon was standing right outside your door.

“When I left earlier, he was standing there. He apologized to me for trying to tear us apart. You know, for working with Yoojung.” Jungkook’s eyebrow twitches, eyes narrowing as he makes a tutting sound with his tongue. Why did he seem unconvinced?

“How do you know he meant it? Was this before or after he told you his feelings for you?” Your mouth drops open in shock, your eyes never leaving his. God, the look on your face made it so obvious just now, Jungkook thought.

“Wait. How do you know about that?”

“I didn’t. You confirmed it just now though.” You raise your hand and shove at his chest. “Come on, Y/N, why else would he try so hard and agree to scheme with Yoojung? Didn’t you say it before? That he wanted you for himself?” Jungkook sighs, wondering if you were maybe the only one who didn’t realize it.

“There’s more to it than that... he told me just now. And before you ask or even think about getting upset, I responded to his feelings and told him no.” Jungkook places his hand gently against your cheek before leaning in to kiss the tip of your nose.

“I know that too.” Jungkook answers smugly and confidently and you roll your eyes at him.

“You know, I can’t remember if you ever did tell me why you and Taehyung had a fall out... but you know he had feelings for Yoojung, right? Then you... well... you kind of went ahead and went after her anyways.” Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow as he sits back on his heel, allowing you to scoot yourself into a seated position yourself. You lean your back against your bed frame as you watch confusion rise on Jungkook’s face. “You didn’t know?”

“I... He might’ve mentioned it briefly, but I didn’t think anything of it— I didn’t think he thought anything of it back then.” He mutters, voice trailing off as he looks towards the door. It was her energy they were both after, how was he supposed to have known that Taehyung liked her more than that? How was he supposed to know that he too would’ve felt something more for Yoojung back then?

“Well, he was confident you knew. He was just trying to get back at you.” You mumble and reach out to take his hand in yours. “Maybe talking to him won’t be such a bad thing.” His eyes narrow suddenly, a disgusted look rising on his face as he shakes his head stubbornly.

“After what he did? Getting involved with Yoojung to try to push you into his arms? How do I forgive him for that? For hurting you? How did you even forgive him?” Jungkook argues. Weren’t you trying too hard to mend this broken friendship between him and Taehyung? He had been fine without him all this time.

“He felt like you took Yoojung away from him—”

“Well I didn’t realize that at the time. Are you sympathizing with him?”

“No, I just can see his side as well. He already apologized to me, Jungkook. You know how manipulative Yoojung is and he admitted to having bad judgement earlier. I just... think it’s a misunderstanding that can be cleared up. I don’t know if you have to necessarily forgive, but you can bear it and just hear him out, can’t you?” You take his other hand in his and pull him towards you. Both your forearms now resting against his shoulder as his hands are placed firmly on the bed to support himself.

“Does it really matter that much to you?”

“I think it matters to you more than you’re willing to admit it.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Jungkook huffs.

“And you didn’t deny my statement,”

“Fine, if I tell you it doesn’t matter?” Jungkook’s face nears yours as he tilts his head, his lips mere inches from yours. “Then you’ll drop this whole thing and let me just love you right here and now?” Your eyebrow raises as his hand slowly begins to caress your thigh.

“Not with Taehyung waiting outside.” You hiss at him and pinch at his hand to stop him from traveling any farther up your thigh...

“I mean, I think he’ll get the message and leave.”

“Not the point. After, ok?” You smile and press your lips quickly against his. “Then I’m all yours.” You don’t miss the annoyance on Jungkook’s face as you pull away from him only for a split second, for he hurriedly chases after your lips again, pressing his mouth urgently against yours as you laugh in your attempt to resist him.

“Don’t have any expectations that he and I are going to suddenly be friends again, but I’ll listen, alright?” Jungkook grumbles, his teeth pulling gently on your lower lip. “You’re mine afterwards,” The demon growls as he forcibly removes himself from the bed and begrudgingly heads towards the door.

“Promise... and good luck,” You call from the bed as Jungkook shakes his head as if refusing to acknowledge your words of encouragement and quietly slips out of your dorm room. Your door closes with a soft click as you slowly exhale the breath you had been holding.

You truthfully weren’t sure how much you even convinced him, or if ultimately just talking it out with him allowed him to go hear Taehyung out of his own volition. Either way, you were certain they’d be able to close this chapter out together, that they’d be able to put Yoojung and everything behind them. It seemed like a misunderstanding after all.

In the end, it was hours before Jungkook let himself back into your room... quite the contrary to what he tried to lead both you and himself to think. The conversation between them both lasted long enough for you to even fall asleep waiting for his return. Jungkook slowly makes his way over to your bed as you scoot over, gesturing with your hand for him to join you. His lips were pressed tightly together as he slowly obliges, hands immediately seeking yours. Your fingers intertwine with his as he settles himself behind you, your back pressed against his chest and his chin resting gently on the top of your head. He says nothing and simply holds you close to him.

Then he finally speaks, admitting to the misunderstanding and lack of communication between the two of them, and how they were driven apart by something, no someone, that seemed so trivial to them both now. It wasn’t according to his plan to apologize either, but he had found himself apologizing to Taehyung as well. Did Jungkook forgive him? It was hard to say; Even when you asked him if he did, Jungkook’s answer was a quiet scoff, a long pause and an ‘I guess’. The demon’s reasoning was that he couldn’t bring himself so quickly to forgive and forget after Taehyung’s countless attempts to take you away from him which had you rolling your eyes. To which you reply, his attempts were futile as you never once entertained the thought of being his.

Of course in saying this, you could feel Jungkook gloating over that as he contently hums in satisfaction behind you. A smile spreads to your face when you hear him bring up how Taehyung confirmed Yoojung wouldn’t be coming around anymore, especially not after how humiliated she was rendered by everyone.

“So that’s good then,” You smile, maneuvering yourself in his arms to turn and face him. Jungkook nods with a soft exhale as you bring your hand up to gently caress his face. “You have nothing to worry about anymore when it comes to her, really.”

“Especially with you by my side. I can’t imagine where I’d be, who I’d be, if you weren’t by my side all this time.” It was one thing to finally feel free from his haunting past, free from the trauma of his first love, another to feel safe and accepted in the present, and to feel worry-free about the future. It was all thanks to you. The only thing he wouldn’t admit out loud to you, is that he was thankful you gave him that push to speak with Taehyung because on his own, there’s no way in hell he would ever. Just like there was no way right now, he was going to tell you you were right about that... maybe another time. “I love you, a lot.”

“I know, and I love you too. I love you, Jungkook.” You say to reaffirm just as Jungkook’s eyes darken, a desire and sudden lust taking over him. He leans down eagerly, mouth hungrily crushing yours as you laugh at his sudden urgency and at the shift in mood.

“We both know that talk went way longer than planned. Remind me of what you had said before I left the room?” Jungkook raises an eyebrow before rolling over on top of you and pressing his thumb to your chin.

“Watch out for your hand, Jungkook... Oh, and the part where I said I’m all yours afterwards?”

“Yeah, that part.” Jungkook growls as he tilts his head, his mouth so close to yours you could feel his shaky exhale. You want nothing more than for him to hold you now, as you raise your hands, fingers grabbing the front of his shirt tightly. “Say it again, won’t you, Y/N?”

“I’m yours, Jungkook.” Your eyes begin to flutter shut when his lips finally graze yours once more. “Your turn.”

“I’m yours.”

-

-

It wasn’t long until the semester was finally coming to a close. And while you had missed more classes than you could count, you were pleasantly surprised how prepared you felt going into the final exams week. Nonetheless, what wasn’t a surprise was that you owed the saving of your GPA and mental soundness after everything to Jungkook. Of course you had to give yourself some credit for the late nights of studying and playing catch up.

Even with a busy schedule and all, you still made sure to find time to catch up with Jieun. She wouldn’t have it any other way if she could help it. More than once she’s already dramatically emphasized and teased how you’ve spent more time with Jungkook this semester than you have with her your entire college career prior to meeting him, which was obviously an over exaggeration on her part... but that’s what made her your best friend. As brutally honest and trusting you were with one another, telling her Jungkook wasn’t exactly human wasn’t your secret to tell; it wasn’t like she’d ever ask anyways.

In fact, she never even suspected Taehyung to be a demon either. Again, not that even he had given any hints to having been one either. Oh, and after numerous efforts to flirt with him, Jieun took the loss, fairly confident that perhaps he just had a different ideal type when it came to girls in mind... hm...

As difficult as you may have thought mending your relationship with Taehyung would’ve been, it truthfully wasn’t as hard as you thought. You feared about the possibility of awkwardness of it all more than anything, but it wasn’t like that at all. Maybe it helped as well that there wasn’t much lingering tension as Jungkook made sure to somewhat put Taehyung in his place when it came to making a move on you ever again. It was a good thing the two of them were able to reconcile in the end, maybe they weren’t as good friends as before, but you could at least consider them friendly acquaintances with one another. In your books, that was definitely a step up from before.

Despite all of that, the one who ultimately showed the most support was still Park Jimin. That’s right, as shocked as he was to hear from you and Jungkook about all the shit that happened upon Yoojung’s return, he couldn’t have been happier for Jungkook and yourself. As someone who had been by Jungkook’s side, especially when he was going through a tough time during and even after being with Yoojung, he simply couldn’t believe his ears.

‘I’m really glad he has you now, Y/N’ you remember hearing him say to you. As unsure as he was initially with one, Jungkook being so adamant in pursuing you, and two, you growing feelings for him, he was proven absolutely wrong. It was nice to hear though, you had to admit. Not saying that you were looking or needed his approval to be with Jungkook or anything like that, but it brought a big smile to your face whenever you thought about it... After all, Jimin had been Jungkook’s closest, most trusted friend for so long, had been with him through everything; it meant a lot to you.

“What are you thinking about? You look like you’re in deep thought about something.” You look up suddenly at Jungkook. His eyebrows were raised as he glances down in your direction.

“About you,” You hum teasingly, eyes darting away playfully from Jungkook as the demon scoffs in annoyance as you swing your hand in his back and forth.

“Yeah, ok.” Jungkook says in disbelief as you laugh at his eye roll. “You worried about the exam tonight or something like that? You shouldn’t be. You’re prepared.”

“No, I’m not too worried about that,”

“What? You aren’t? Why are we heading towards the library to study more then? If you’re just stressed, I can think of a few better ways to relieve it.” Jungkook smirks to himself, the corner of his lips upturning and it doesn’t take a genius to know exactly what he’s referring to. He leans down suddenly, his mouth next to your ear as he whispers, “All you need to say is ‘yes, Jungkook, please’ and we can be on our way. My room’s not too far away from the exam room. We can take our time.”

“Stop teasing!” You blush and quickly pull your hand away from his, giving him a playful shove to his shoulder as he laughs. His laughter was warm; It was music to your ears every time you heard it, each and every time pulling on your heart strings. You find yourself involuntarily smiling fondly at him as he makes his way down the stairs in front of you and you suddenly stop. “Jungkook.”

“What? Did you change your mind? That was fast.” He turns to briefly glance over his shoulder at you as he stops just a few steps ahead of you.

“This is where I fell back then. This very spot.” You mumble, your eyes looking down at the staircase before you.

“Mhm, well, aren’t you glad it was me who was there to catch you?” Jungkook smiles up at you, turning fully around to face you now.

“This is where I met you... where it all started,” Your voice grows quiet as Jungkook continues to look up at you, an inquisitive look on his face as he wonders what you were trying to get at. The corner of his lips suddenly fall, the smile disappearing in split seconds when he notices how watery your eyes had gotten.

“What’s wrong? Hey, Y/N...” He calls out to you as you take the back of your hand to wipe at your eyes, unsure why you were overwhelmed with emotions all of a sudden.

“I love you...” You sniffle and as quick as Jungkook was to panic at the sight of your untimely tears, his shoulders drop, a soft exhale leaving his lips. “I know we’ve said it to each other before, and we’ve said it so many times already but I really love you...”

“I know you do. That’s not something to cry about now, is it?” You shake your head slowly. Maybe it was because this was where it all began for you. When you fell, when Jungkook caught you, and when you followed him. You didn’t know what you were getting yourself into, but you wouldn’t change a thing. “If you keep crying, your eyes are going to swell up, and your head is going to hurt. You’re not going to be able to focus nor be able to read the exam questions. Then you’ll have something to cry about.” He teases you in the attempt to cheer you up. It works and you nod with a small laugh, wiping the remainder of your tears with your sleeve.

“Fuck, I know. S-Sorry, no I don’t know why I’m crying...”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Y/N.” You look down at him as he holds out his hand to you, palm facing up invitingly as you put your hand gently in his. “I really can’t imagine where I’d be without you too. And I’ve told you countless times before, I can’t imagine a future without you by my side. You accepted me, cared for me, understood me, and loved me, flaws and all. Thank you, Y/N. I love you more than I can express in words and I am just so happy and lucky to call you mine.”

He was so grateful for you, for just being the lovely and kind you; you made him feel deserving of happiness, and deserving of love. He never felt deserving of any of those things. He never thought he’d feel something like love ever again. Most of importantly of all, he was learning to forgive himself and to love himself, both of which he also thought once were unachievable. 

But you proved him wrong.

“St-Stop, you’re going to make me cry again if you say anything more...” Your heart begins racing in your chest, the water works starting up again as more happy tears roll down your cheek. He gingerly raises your hand in his, pressing his lips against your skin and you find yourself smiling down at him.

“Alright, alright,” He chuckles as he pulls you slowly towards him, his heart singing in his chest upon seeing that lovely and bright smile of yours. How is it that even with tears in your eyes, you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on? “Now, don’t cry anymore, alright love?”

You gradually take a step, then another, until you’re just one step above and slightly towering over him.

“Demon or not,” You whisper just loud enough for him to hear. “I love you for you, Jeon Jungkook... everything and all that is you.” Your other hand comes forward to brush the hair covering his forehead out of the way as you press a chaste kiss against his skin. Your lips linger there for a second before pulling away. His golden smile widens, his nose crinkling ever so slightly as his promising eyes gaze up lovingly into yours.

“Always?”

“Yeah, always.”

-

[uwuowotf2waslife]

Do you have one with crippling depression yet? Like they stop eating, stop moving, always nearing tears but bottles them up, becomes emotionally numb, not really finding the joy in life in anyway? There’s nothing physical that caused it, it’s just isolation, loneliness, or guilty memories catching up with you. I’m uh, not doing so good right now and your writing is a really good pick-me-up. Can you write it? Please? It’s fine if it’s too triggering, I can understand. Have a good day, or night.

My inbox is always open my dude, and im more than thankfull for your words

(this will be about a merc and a S/O, hmu if you meant about team dynamics)

You are poetry, 

stay safe & hydratated

tw: depression

Scout: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ not the most emotional mature of the mercs; even himself admits that he is pretty immature even for his age (early 20s), but this doesn’t means he doesn’t have empathy or that he doesn’t care about his S/O. He sees you suffering and he is big time worried. He tries to motivate you, drag you out of your bed and do something fun or at least go and buy some food. He will get annoying but he can’t just sit there and watch you rot. He is a hands-on guy, he might not understand why you are acting up like this, but at the same time he doesnt know how he can approach you. He will try to hug you tighter and bring you food and water, his shoulders can be a pillow for you to cry all day and night long and his hands are there to wipe off the tears from your face. He hates seeing his bby sad and would give half his Tom Jones memorabilia for you to wake up one day and be your old, happier self ♥

Soldier: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ although his social skills are in scarcity, he isnt a traitor. He sees his S/O down ( mentally) and it pains him to an unimaginable extent  to see you so unmotivated . He doesn't understand why are you sad, what has happened? Did that crazy Kraut touched you? who he needs to snap the neck? He hates seeing you like this. Will be stubborn, just because he doesnt understand something it doesnt mean he can't find a way around. In the end, he will push you enough to actually break down and explain everything that has happened. For the first time in years hes just silent, he broke the dam and he is beyond ashamed of making you break down like this. He doesn't what to do so for now he will hold you as tight as he can and promise in America and whatever is holy and pure in him that he will help you untill you are again okay. ♥

Pyro: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ they know that you are sadder than before and they can see you points of view. They themselves know that life sometimes just sucks and that its okay not to want to eat or leave your bed. But they are also afraid that whatever is plaguing you it will become worse and worse and they really don’t want to see you hurting yourself like they once did. They try helping you do simple things, drink a glass of water, play a bit with their stuffed animals, theyll help you brush your hair or wash your face. They know they baby you, but they think you need a bit more of some more smootches or cuddles. If they see you worsening or being even less active they will drag you their pillowfort and just try to keep you as close them while chanting sweet nothings and sad mumbles, please don’t loose yourself like they did. ♥

Engie: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ he might be a cruel, cold man when hes on the field, but in reallity he is the cinnamon roll meme( he is a cinnamon roll and he might kill you tho but he is mostly a cinammon roll). He knows also that work and his projects take a really big amount of his time so he already feels very guilty. I doubt he has any humanitarian doctorates, but he has an above average understanding of human psychology; whats the point of trying  to emulate life when you cant understand it?He knows he can't address it straightforward, but he needs to get you over this slump before you do something really stupid. Que him cleaning up his workshop and carrying you there bridal style. He has a small nest of pillows and blankets and right next to it his trusted guitar.You have the whole night and the day after to spend it together and get in the bottom of the barrel. Itll be hectic but he is a very patient man and loves ya to bits ♥

Demo: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ lowkey one of the mercs with the most expierence with depression/ depressive episodes. For once in his life he doesnt drink and tries to find the rute of the problem, if there is of course or its just pent up anger and frustation with things that have happened in your life now or in the present. In simple, you will talk. For hours if needed. He wont drink a sip becausehe doesnt want to forget even the stupidest detail from your venting. In the end, he will offer you to drink but he will drag you out of the base/ house and make you sit in the front porch/ garden  while he has set up some “ festive” fireworks ( just some small ones that erupt and turn into hearts) . He isnt the ideal psychological perfection, but if you chosed the scottish cyclops for your mate, then he shall go to the man and back just to see you smile one more time. ♥

Heavy: ˜”*°•.˜”*°• he has seen depression and has experienced it himself. It was way too traumatic for a young man to have to support a family without a father figure around. I highly headcanon him to have deppresion hence the sandwich, hes bingining while staying in the battlefield. He doesnt care about the language barrier, in order for the both of you to be as close as you are know, it means you understand eachother to a satysfying extent. He will cook you a very hearty meal and bring it to your bed with a tray and sweet tea. You can eat in silence with him simply staying by your side and rub your back, words can’t potray how he feels right now. Once you finished hell put the dishes outside and simply cuddle you ( being the least cuddly of the mercs, it means a lot). You can nap, cry, trace patterns on his sculp anything really. All his life the main cause of depression was the anarchy surrounding his life, he needs you to feel protected. He doesn’tcare how much time it will take, but he will rip the mountains apart to seeyou smile out of genuine happiness, might even cry if he is the cause. •°*”˜.•°*”˜

Medic: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ the most medically, again qualified from the group. so he has at least that covered. He isn’t stupid, you show clear signs of cronic clinical depression ( also known as manic depression) and although it has been a long while before finding a patient to lobotomize, hed be damned if he ever butchered you up like that. He is a healer, even if enjoys his enemies to hurt a little more than they should, and a healer is here to help both the body and the mind. Will persuade you into getting under medication, even if he knows theyll have little to no effecthe just hopes the placebo effect will motivate you. He tries to mix your routine with his, ex. he wakes up really early when you finnaly after hours of insomnia fell asleep, hell tuck you in and kiss your forehead. Throughout the day hell send Scout or Heavy to bring you food or water or your medications. Pyro will be by your doorstep or you side, to keep you company during the day. At night he will carry you to the medbay and do all the talking for you if you dont feel like talking, he will listen to all of your venting. Lowkey will sit you on his lap so he can rub your back and let you cry/ just sit there, to feel his heardbeat on your face and relax. ♥

Sniper: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥    𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵. 𝘉𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘈𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 , 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 , 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤 ( 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴), 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘚/𝘖 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵( 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘴 , 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 0/10 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥) 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘸. ♥

Spy: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥     actually he isn’t that mentally mature as much as he strives to be. He has very unhealthy copying mechanisms, he fucks and smokes his torments away, but he also knows different people have different copying mechanism and he cant judge how people seek comfort. He doesnt know how to help yo, he really does but he doesnt know. He is nervous but he will probably suggest you two take a vacation away, together. He has planned it all fancy and nice, and pretty much has scanned the whole place/ area/resort you are staying and having “ friends” around. He doesnt care if you just stay all day in the resorts pool and just chill around drinking pina coladas. In the middle of your vacations, he will take you to a more secluded area and will open up about his issues , not about your relationship but about him as a person. He has many issues and he is a very difficult person to be around, so you haveto know he will never judge you. But he also doesnt know how to help you. This will make you hug him and you two can finnaly have a good, well-earned cry. Kiss him on the nose or on his head and tell him how much all this means to you and he will cry you a river and hold you till the dayhe dies, how can someone so late in his life means so, just so damn much? ♥  

[freebooter4ever]

Here is the request, a beautiful heartwarming rendition of Eugene Sledge losing his virginity to Snafu, but set in the AU where Snaf and Sledge met before the war in Mobile while Snaf was working on the docks. Now, two years later they meet again on Pavuvu with Snaf a war-torn experienced marine and new replacement Sledge still very adorable and naive, and after after some brief hostility due to Snaf being an emotionally constipated dumbass, they work out their issues and have some fun. Thanks to @lieblinggs who really wanted to see them meet during the war in this AU and encouraged me.

Apologies in advance, I tried, I’m not sexy, my specialty is fluff and humor you guys....this is the last time anyone’s gonna ask me to write smut ever again lol. The secondhand embarrassment might be Hard with this one.

 Snafu is a ghost after Gloucester. The rain washed away all traces of his personality entirely and left him with very little to work with. He spends his days on Pavuvu avoiding doing anything, and he watches the slow progress of the healing sores on his skin like it's the final lap of the Indy 500.

He doesn't think about the future, all he knows at camp is warmth, his soft pillow, and the food he gets three times a day. After weeks of exhaustion, aches, and cold, he is finally comfortable. There's nothing much else on his mind besides that. 

Then Eugene Sledge walks into his tent.

Eugene Sledge arrives on a ship, and with the ship comes the daily mail bags, and in the mail comes a newspaper clipping from Snafu's home town. As if one helping of guilt wasn't enough and he needs another to balance it. The article from home, delivered minutes before Eugene walked back into his life, only brings half-guilt though. It says nothing of Mairzy, who is probably still safe in Mobile. And instead says everything about Snafu. And his heroism on Gloucester.

That brings a little bit of pride which eases the sting of the guilt over leaving his sister behind.

He tries to focus on the letter and the newspaper clipping instead of the boy standing in his tent, with his crooked helmet hanging off his ginger hair. After Gloucester, Snafu can barely focus on anything at all. The five minutes when Eugene tries to claim a bunk in their tent is an outlier. Snafu's entire reason for being narrows in focus, and it becomes imperative that Eugene not live in the same space. He needs to convince Burgie of this, though Burgie unquestioningly plays along with the disdain Snafu started easily enough.

It's been two years since he saw Eugene Sledge. They did not part well. Snafu isn't so good with goodbyes.

"Understatement," Sledge mutters in the chow line behind Snafu later that day.

Snafu had just got done explaining all this history to Burgie while they waited for their flood, and Snafu hadn't even noticed Eugene was there, eavesdropping on them. Snafu's constant state of physical awareness must be slipping within the relative safety of Pavuvu.

Burgie takes one look at Sledge, and one look at Snafu. "I don't know what this is about and I don't care, but please make sure I still have an entire squad standing and in fighting fit by the end of it," he warns. And with that he collects his food and makes a run for it, leaving Snafu to face the music on his own.

Snafu turns around, and meets Eugene's eyes, and sees blank emptiness. Eugene isn't even angry. Snafu had hoped Eugene would be angry. That he would hate Snafu to the ends of the earth. 

Neither of them say anything. They just engage in a silent stare down until someone behind them in line asks what's the hold up. Eugene turns around to apologize and Snafu ducks underneath the serving table and disappears behind the mess tent.

Snafu is in danger of saying something stupid. He can sense it, bubbling up in him like alka-seltzer in coke. One look in Eugene's damn eyes and he's falling in love all over again.

In retaliation for Eugene sneaking up on him, Snafu finds the skipper who always invents the worst work duties. Sure enough all it takes is some idle chitchat to convince the skipper that now is the time to clean out the oil barrels. Snafu offers to oversee the work, and suggests a couple new Boots to assign the task to, and the rest is history.

Eugene gets angry at him then. He glares prettily at Snafu from underneath his elbow while scrubbing drums. There's something else burning beneath that anger. Snafu can sense it in the way Eugene's gaze lingers on the movement of Snafu's hips - in how sometimes Snafu turns around only to catch Eugene looking away.

Otherwise Snafu avoids Sledge like the plague.

He does a pretty good job of it. Until the day Sledge disappears.

As Snafu walks by a tent he overhears one of the officers complaining that Sledge hasn't been seen since lunch. Apparently the boy skipped out on dinner and coconut detail. Which is an understandable thing to skip - nobody willingly subjects themselves to the smell and texture of rotten coconuts. Sledge's disappearance makes sense. Unless one knows Sledge, and knows he would never shirk duty no matter how unpleasant.

Snafu also knows something else the officer didn't consider and maybe Sledge didn't even know - certain members of How company were scheduled to rotate home this morning. As far as Snafu knew, their ship already left dock. So it doesn't take much to guess where Eugene might be.

He finds Eugene sitting on an empty cot in Phillip's old tent. Eugene is holding a book in his hands but he isn't reading it. His head hangs between his shoulders in defeat. He doesn't acknowledge Snafu when Snafu steps into the tent, even though Snafu's shadow falls over him with the harsh evening light so low in the sky.

Snafu hesitates to enter so he hovers in the doorway. There is a second cot across the room. But there is also a little sliver of space next to Eugene on the first cot that Snafu knows he could squeeze his butt onto if he tried.

"Left alone again?" Snafu asks. He tries to sound sympathetic.

Eugene looks up. He clearly did not expect the person in the doorway to be Snafu. And - oh! - Eugene's eyes are full of hope. Snafu makes his decision. He crosses the room and sits next to Eugene. They're so close there isn't an inch of space between them.

Snafu turns his head and rests his nose on Eugene's shoulder. He closes his eyes, and breathes.

He missed how Eugene smelled

"You'd think I'd be used to being the type to be left behind by now," Eugene gripes.

Snafu snorts. "It ain't you," he mumbles into Eugene's shoulder, "It's us. We're just dicks."

"Sidney is not a dick."

"But I am?"

"Jury's still out on that one"

Snafu grins. He turns his hips in towards Eugene so he can wrap his arms around his waist and press closer in a sort of half hug. "Guess it's a good thing you're fond of my dick, then." He kisses Eugene's neck, "You certainly felt me up enough times. Remember the day under the bridge by your house?"

Eugene sighs in exasperation and tilts his head back, "God, Merriell."

"Jury out on that one too? Cause if you need me to jog your memory…"

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" Eugene interrupts, "Why did I wake up one morning to find your house empty and Mairzy alone?"

Snafu holds Eugene and thinks about that one for a bit. He finally surmises, "You would have asked why I was enlisting."

"Why were you enlisting?" Eugene asks.

"For you," Snafu admits. He turns his face in towards Eugene's neck. Takes another deep breath. If he doesn't face Eugene, Snafu can pretend the man next to him is still the same boy who skipped class every day to bicycle down to the docks where Snafu worked, and kiss him behind the pilings.

"I would have stopped you," Eugene says.

"I know."

They sit in silence for another beat, and then Eugene asks a second question, "You fought in the same battle on Gloucester, you must have some insight. Why didn't Sid tell me goodbye?"

Snafu takes a deep breath and debates giving Eugene the real answer. 

He doesn't think you're going to live. Keeping attachments is a hazard here.

"If you were at those same battles," Snafu concludes quietly, "You'd realize there's no room for thought, and no insight to be had."

Eugene nods, "Guess I'll learn." He sounds scared.

Snafu tightens his hold around Eugene's waist.

During another long silence Snafu works up the courage to ask a question he's been wondering for two years.

"Did you love him?"

The question seems to genuinely startle Eugene. And then the dots connect. "Sid?" Eugene asks, "Of course I loved him. He's my best and oldest friend in the whole world."

It's Snafu's turn to nod, resigned. He rests his forehead on Eugene's back.

"But also…" Eugene says quietly, "No. I didn't love him like I loved you. God Mer, I never loved anyone like I loved you."

Snafu sits up so he can look Eugene in the eye, "You loved me?"

"Yes," Eugene says, smiling back, "Not that you gave me much chance to."

Snafu grins.

"What about you?" Eugene asks, "Still carrying a torch for me or did you find some girl in Melbourne too?"

Snafu leans back, his smile widens, "Who said anything about girls?"

"Sid slept with some woman in Australia," Eugene says.

"You jealous?" Snafu asks.

Eugene ignores him. "Sid claims war is the opposite of that...the opposite of sex, he means. I guess. I wouldn't know anything about either," Eugene says. He sounds grumpy.

Snafu laughs, "Sex ain't all it's cracked up to be."

"You're saying it should be closer on the scale to war?"

"No, I'm saying some parts are great but there's a lot of bullshit that goes with it," Snafu explains, "I wouldn't use it as a benchmark."

"Did you sleep with someone in Melbourne?" 

"I'm not a virgin, Eugene. Not now; not in melbourne; nor was I two years ago when I met you."

Eugene abruptly stands up from the cot. He wipes his hands on his pants. His palms are red and Snafu bets if he touches them, they'd be hot.

Snafu leans back on the cot and surveys Eugene.

"So what part's the bullshit, then?" Eugene demands, "In sex?"

Snafu shrugs nonchalantly, "You try growing up queer in New Orleans where the only men who'll fuck you are the older ones who insist you keep silent about it. Who treat you like the dirt you live in."

"Men who were ashamed of you?" Eugene asks, "Like you accused me of being?"

"Ashamed of me and of themselves," Snafu replies, "Don't care about anyone's pleasure except their own. Can make sex real unpleasant sometimes. And once it gets associated with pain, real hard to seperate it."

"Mer, why would you…?"

"Better than nothing. When you're alone," Snafu kicks his legs onto the cot and lies down with his hands behind his head, "Don't deserve better anyway. I can take the bullshit." He looks at the tent canvas and listens to the sound of the rainstorm pounding hard on the roof.

He can't see Eugene but Eugene doesn't stop watching him.

"So what's at your other end then?" Eugene asks, "For you, what is opposite war on the spectrum of human experience?"

Snafu contemplates quietly for a few minutes and then says, "Do you remember that night I got so drunk that you hunted me down, found me, took me home, and let me sleep in your bed? And you went to school and I stayed under your covers all day? And I didn't have to get up for nothing except to have food served at my door. Just laid in bed for hours and read all your journals."

"You read my journals?" Eugene says incredulously.

"They were enlightening," Snafu turns his head and lifts his chin to smirk at him.

"They were at least ninety percent about botany," Eugene protests, "Completely boring."

"And the other ten percent provided detailed descriptions of every handsome man who ever walked into your life," Snafu claims.

"Sometimes it's easier to describe what I see with words than draw," Eugene says defensively.

"Anyway," Snafu continues and looks back at the ceiling, "I laid around reading your horny thorny journals till you came home. And you crawled into bed with me. And you held me and kissed me. And introduced me to your parents. And they liked me, though I think they liked Mairzy better." He sighs and closes his eyes. He can still smell Eugene's room from that day. "That memory is what's on the other end," Snafu tells him.

"Mer…"

"Ain't ever loved anybody like I loved you," Snafu throws Eugene's own words back at him and smiles.

In a rush, Eugene bends down, grabs the lapels of Snafu's shirt, and kisses him passionately. Snafu barely has time to react. 

"Shit, I forgot. " Too soon Eugene switches gears, wrenches his face away, and drops Snafu like a live grenade. Eugene lunges towards the tent door and knocks it shut. He peers through the mosquito netting before covering it with the canvas flap.

Snafu laughs. "Nobody's gonna be out in this storm. Nothing to be worried about," he says. He lolls his head back and resists rolling his eyes.

"Yeah and who knows how long the rain's gonna last," Eugene says as he unrolls the canvas covers of all the tent windows.

"It's gonna get hot in here if you do that," Snafu points out.

"Do you want to be court martialed?" Eugene asks.

"Depends," Snafu says, "What exactly will we be getting up to in here to merit it? Will it be worth my while?" He waggles his eyebrows.

Eugene finishes the last tent flap, steps over the debris and trash on the floor, and makes his way back to the cot to stand in front of Snafu.

"Before I go to war, I want to know what the other end of the spectrum is like," Eugene announces. He carefully places his hands on Snafu's shoulders, and then straddles his lap.

Snafu sits up, slides his hands over Eugene's hips and along his back.

"Besides, you've been teasing me since the minute I got here," Eugene accuses, "Time to follow through."

Snafu huffs.

"Are you telling me the oil barrels wasn't your idea?" Eugene asks, "And staying to watch me sweat? That was all on you."

"Ain't denying it," Snafu says, leaning in close, his eyes on Eugene's lips.

"So shut up and kiss me, then," Eugene says.

Every single bit of Snafu wants to. He runs his hands around to feel the flat of Eugene's stomach, no longer soft after all that bootcamp training. Slowly Snafu rucks Eugene's shirt up over his head. It gets tossed to the extra cot behind them.

Snafu keeps Eugene in his lap with a steadying hand on the small of his back. With his free hand he lifts the dog tags hanging around Eugene's neck.

"You got what you wanted," Snafu says. He runs his fingers over the name. First Marines. Bondurant.

Eugene smiles thinly and shakes his head, "You're a little behind on your intel." His hand closes around Snafu's hand holding the dog tags. He gently takes them away and swings the chain over his shoulder. "This is what I wanted," Eugene whispers right before he cradles Snafu's face and kisses him.

Snafu kisses back. He kisses back hard enough to drown out all his conflicted thoughts. If Eugene wants this, he can give it to him. And it feels good. He can add this to his list of comfort - warmth, sleep, food, and the feel of Eugene moving in his lap, Eugene's lips on his neck, Eugene's hands in his hair.

Oddly enough it's Eugene who breaks the kiss. Snafu moans as Eugene pulls away and climbs off Snafu's lap. Snafu tries to follow but he doesn't get far. Eugene gently places a hand on his shoulder to stop him. And then steps back.

Snafu watches as Eugene's hands undo his own belt and then the button of his dungarees. Eugene drops the pants to the ground and steps on them to pull them off his feet. He dips his fingers into the waistband of his underwear and slides them along the hem, looking nervous.

"We can stop," Snafu reassures him, "Or you can keep those on and go right back to kissing me. Don't gotta go any further than that."

Eugene silently thumbs the waistband and in one swoop, shoves them to the ground. When he tries to get his feet out of his clothes this time, he stumbles, and Snafu has to catch him before he falls over.

It's the first time Snafu touches Eugene's bare butt. And he can't help but giggle a little.

Eugene smiles too. He stands in front of Snafu and fidgets shyly. Snafu grabs Eugene's bouncing hand and tugs him closer. Closer till Snafu's nose bumps against Eugene's stomach.

"This ok?" Snafu asks. He tilts his head back to look at Eugene while he runs his hand up the inside of Eugene's thigh.

Eugene nods enthusiastically and mutters something under his breath.

"Sorry, couldn't hear that?" Snafu grins. He switches to touching Eugene's other leg - up the thigh and around his butt. Eugene's still got a death grip going on Snafu's right hand.

"Yes, Mer, it's more than okay. I thought you were old hat at this, do I have to spell it out for you or…? Oh!" Eugene shudders into silence.

Snafu's throat is unusually dry whether from anticipation or - dare he say it - nerves. Snafu has to swallow and lick his lips a few times to get everything to go smooth. He's never been nervous going down on someone before, but Eugene is...Eugene. Snafu wants this first time to be as perfect as Gene himself. 

Eugene, for his part, is watching Snafu with heavy lidded awe and looking as if he's about to faint. He groans and starts to sag where he stands.

Snafu pulls off. He gets up and puts his arms around Eugene to stabilize him. "Why don't you lie down?" he suggests.

Instead Eugene kisses him. He grips Snafu's hips, brings them both together, and kisses him desperately until neither of them can breathe.

"Gene…" Snafu smiles, "Gene, lie down. I'll take care of you."

Eugene doesn't listen. He tugs Snafu's shirt off and makes quick work of the button on Snafu's dungarees. Snafu stumbles with his pants around his ankles and Eugene actually fucking lifts Snafu off the ground by his waist so he can kick his legs free.

"Eugene…!" Snafu almost laughs.

"I won't drop you," Eugene promises, still holding him tight. He gets an arm underneath Snafu's ass and hefts him higher.

They kiss again, with Snafu suspended in the air, naked against Gene's body like some dramatic movie ending where the music swells and everything fades to black. 

If this was a movie, they could skip all the ugly parts and he and Gene could go home.

"Lie down, let me take care of you," Snafu repeats. He pulls away from their kiss and stares into Gene's pretty dark eyes and waits for him to listen. Eugene has a habit of giving way to Snafu's expertise.

Sure enough, Eugene reluctantly releases his hold on Snafu and stretches out on the cot. His hands immediately reattach themselves to Snafu's hips when Snafu straddles him. Eugene looks calm and his unfaltering trust is a lot of responsibility laid on Snafu's narrow shoulders.

It takes a minute to line everything up properly. When Snafu sinks down onto Eugene's lap, he screws his eyes shut from the pain, but he hears Gene moan in pleasure. Snafu breathes through it, and keeps going. Till Gene's warm hands interrupt by sliding gently around his waist. Eugene sits up and refuses to let Snafu sink down on him again, holding his body still.

"Mer, are you alright?" Eugene asks.

"'M fine," Snafu mumbles, "Just takes a bit to loosen up. Not a lot to work with here on Pavuvu. Let me go."

"You looked like you were in pain."

"A good kind.."

"No! Merriell...just...stop…I refuse to hurt you" Eugene kisses him tenderly.

Snafu squirms. "Hold on…" Snafu crawls off Gene's lap and staggers to his feet, feeling a little off balance, "You said this was How Company's bunk right?"

"Yeah?" Eugene says, confused.

"Had a buddy in here," Snafu says. He wanders around the tent, kicking at trash and opening boxes, "He might'a left something…"

"A buddy?" Eugene sounds unimpressed.

"Do you want to fuck me or not?" Snafu asks, lifting a small container triumphantly. He tosses it to Eugene who unscrews the lid and looks inside.

"I do," Eugene says.

"Then don't ask about buddys," Snafu replies, "None of them matter. Haven't been with anybody since Gloucester anyway."

"I guess I should be grateful you know what you're doing," Eugene says, handing him the container.

The container is mostly empty, but there's enough to make things slide easy. This time Eugene rolls Snafu over onto his back and settles between his legs. He fucks Snafu slowly, watching his face for the first long while, as if making sure Snafu isn't hiding pain from him again. And oh boy does it feel good now, in a leisurely, drawn out, intense kinda way. Snafu enjoys every minute of it. 

To his surprise. 

It used to be the opposite. With the other guys it was usually quick. The faster he gets this part over, the faster he can jerk himself off and be done with it. But Eugene keeps hitting parts inside him that Snafu did not even know existed. Fuck reading journals, Snafu wants to do this for hours in Eugene's bed instead. Luckily Eugene is in no rush. 

He seems more focused on kissing Snafu than getting off. At one point Gene slips out and he hardly notices, too busy sucking on his face. It's up to Snafu, grinning stupidly, to break the kiss briefly and line him up again.

Snafu hasn't been this sensitive around his ass for ages. All it takes is for Eugene to push up against him even lightly and Snafu is goddamn writhing underneath him. It's ridiculous. Normally he keeps a safe disconnect between that general area and his brain.

But - oh!

Fuck.

Eugene is turning that disconnect into a thing of the past.

Snafu thinks he must have moaned or something because Eugene pauses briefly and holds himself over Snafu, smiling goofily.

"Why'd you stop?" Snafu pants.

"Wanted to watch you," Eugene grins back.

"Fuck, Eugene," Snafu complains, drawing Eugene's name out in a groan, his legs still moving even though Eugene is doing nothing but lying there like a hard slippery dense rock between them.

"I think Sid might be right," Eugene says.

"You are not talking about Sidney Fucking Philips right now…"

"This is the most amazing experience of my life," Eugene brags, leaning in to kiss Snafu's neck and running his hand down Snafu's side as Snafu arches up into the touch.

"Shut the fuck up, Sledge," Snafu gripes.

"Mmm, no, I won't," Eugene hums against Snafu's collarbone, "You love it. I've seen you now. I know."

"Fuck, Gene! Please."

Eugene's hand slides between their bodies and strokes Snafu's cock - fucking adoringly - if a hand job could even be adoring - and, fuck all it takes is one second before Snafu loses total control, and much to everyone's surprise, cum squirts high and shoots far enough to hit Gene in the chin.

Snafu stares at Eugene, wide eyed with shock, and maybe a little embarrassment.

Eugene laughs. He gathers Snafu up even tighter in his arms, buries his face in his hair, and whispers, "I love you," his voice full of delight.

Snafu is slowly drifting back to earth, though he can feel his mouth still gaping like a fish. "You ain't done yet."

"I got too distracted by you," Gene replies. He slowly starts rolling his hips into Snafu again.

Snafu rolls his eyes at the sentiment.

Eugene pistons into him erratically, like he's chasing a high he doesn't quite understand how to reach. Feeling a sudden burst of inspiration, Snafu maneuvers Eugene to where he can hold Gene's face in his hands, wipe off the cum dripping down his neck, and then asks, in a serious voice, "Sledge?"

"Yeah?" Eugene responds.

"Hammer me."

Eugene bites his lip to keep from laughing and he presses his forehead to Snafu's but he starts to go at it a little more rhythmically. Snafu keeps his eyes open to watch it happen. He sees when Sledge hits the tipping point and starts pounding into him desperately. And sees when Eugene finally climaxes in a series of moans and breathy whispers of Snafu's name.

They collapse together in a slippery mess.

As could be predicted, Eugene is a snuggler and he clings to Snafu like a long-limbed sloth. He even falls asleep. And snores. Snafu curls around him and wiggles his fingers through Gene's hair to smooth all the knots out. That takes him a good long while. Eventually the rain stops. Gene sleeps on.

Burgie accidentally steps into the tent for a brief second. After the initial moment of shocked staring, he pivots to face the wall and casts his eyes to the ceiling.

Snafu's fight or flight instinct kicks in because Burgie is not leaving. Despite Sledge's bare ass being on display between Snafu's very naked legs.

"Well, that's a relief," Burgie comments idly, "I take it this means we won't be having any more personal problems among our mortar squad?"

"Right as rain, Burgie," Snafu drawls.

"Good," Burgie nods at the wall, his tone is friendly, "I'll tell the skipper you're both indisposed tonight. See you in the morning, Snaf." And then he leaves, shutting the door tight behind him.

The sound wakes Eugene up, finally.

Gene squints, and looks around himself like he's lost. His eyes finally settle on Snafu and his whole expression goes soft. He melts over Snafu's body languidly and props his chin on Snafu's chest.

"Yeah, after this I'm gonna have to move my benchmark. Take this into consideration as the most amazing indescribable experience ever," Eugene says.

He's looking so full of himself and smiley that Snafu would be tempted to take him down a peg or two if Gene wasn't also so irresistible.

"You can journal about it," Snafu suggests.

Gene snorts a laugh. He kisses Snafu's sternum gently.

Snafu stretches, his body starting to ache from lying around so long. He tickles Eugene's neck till he rolls off him in a fit of giggles. "Gonna have to change my nickname," Snafu says, "SNAFO. Situation Normal All Fucked Out."

"That will never catch on," Eugene argues. His hand starts exploring Snafu's body and is awfully close to reaching between his thighs again.

"Gene!" Snafu laughs. He flexes his hips and hums when Eugege's delicate fingers rub him lightly. He's still soft, but honestly, with Eugene, it probably wouldn't take much. "That wasn't a challenge."

"You sure about that?" Eugene asks impishly, "Cause I'm prepared to take it as one."

Snafu rolls on top of him and sits up. He pins Eugene's arms over his head playfully.

"Least we got a new nickname for you outta this," Snafu points out.

'What's that?" Gene asks.

"Sledgehammer."

"If you dare…" Eugene starts in a mock serious tone, "...to call me that in front of any of the men...I'll...I'll…"

"You'll what?" Snafu taunts.

"I'll kiss you in public," Eugene says, "In full view of everybody."

"You won't," Snafu calls his bluff.

"Maybe not, but I'll want to," Eugene says, "Every time you call me that I'll want to."

"Sledgehammer," Snafu drawls, taunting.

Eugene smiles, pulls him into a kiss, and Eugene's 'first time' quickly transitions into his 'second time'.

Snafu doesn't push the boundaries of the nickname. He only uses it in private, when he can whisper in Eugene's ear and Eugene can bend down to kiss him silly.

They search out places they can be alone. It isn't too difficult to do but the farther they wander from civilization, the less hospitable the environment is. After a few days of discovering how uncomfortable sand can be in sensitive areas of the body, and a few 'times' of almost getting caught by fellow Marines less friendly than Burgin, Snafu comes up with the bright idea to borrow old tent material and use it as a blanket. They hike through the jungle to an isolated beach cove and stretch the stained canvas over the sand.

"Does it keep getting better every time?" Eugene asks Snafu afterwards.

They're lying on top of each other, still naked and sweaty. Snafu is itching for a smoke. He reaches for his pants, but Eugene, knowing exactly what he is going for, places a gentle hand on his shoulder to stop him.

Snafu grunts and shifts so he's nestled more snugly between Eugene's legs. He works out his craving on Eugene's neck, and takes great pleasure in sucking a hickey in a place Eugene can't possibly hide.

"I'm wondering how often I'll need to move that benchmark," Eugene continues.

"As if I'm the expert?" Snafu asks.

"You are the one with more experience here…" Eugene says.

"Not like this," Snafu lifts his head to stare into Gene's eyes, "Never had nothing like this, Sledgehammer."

There's a fire in Snafu and it's not lust. Or maybe partially, but another part, a deeply buried protective streak, desperately wants Eugene to keep this. This warm happy glow around sex. Cause Snafu's benchmark is moving too, in a direction he thought impossible, and the changes make him so dizzy he can barely keep up. Sometimes he forgets there was anything before this. That love and pleasure is as uncomplicated and joyous as Eugene believes it to be - completely unassociated with physical pain, with hatred. A total opposite to the carnage and destructive hell of war. 

The thought of losing Eugene to war makes Snafu nauseous, and yet it's a constant awareness in the back of his mind, coloring everything they do. Eugene, meanwhile, remains blissfully unaware.

And fuck, that's gonna change, and Snafu is powerless to stop it.

They're going into battle tomorrow. This is the last chance he'll get to lay around and relish in the feel of Eugene's bare unblemished skin against his.

Possibly the last chance ever, if Eugene joins ranks with one of the many many statistics.

So he forgoes smoking and pours all his attention into making Eugene moan every chance he gets. Let Eugene have this. Let him hold onto this.

"Sledgehammer," Snafu says when he finds Eugene standing alone on the deck of the ship carrying them into battle. The sun is setting, and Eugene is beautiful.

Gene responds with a kiss intense enough to be worthy of their last kiss. Snafu promises to stick by Eugene's side during the entire campaign. They don't talk about any other possibility.

As it turns out, the first time Snafu uses Eugene's nickname in front of K Company happens after Eugene saves Snafu's life. The minute Snafu says "Sledgehammer" out loud, Eugene looks at him slyly. And in that single glance, Snafu knows they both understand.

tagging request @xmxisxforxmaybe

[theworldsoul]

Sorry guys, I'm gonna vent Again, so if you don't want to read it just feel free to skip this post

Okay so basically we have a Gecko. Don't ask, that's another story for another time. My dad has grown fond of it, and I used to think he was cool until a specific day. On that say I fed him worms with a tweezer. When I picked them up, I could PHYSICALLY FEEL THEIR PAIN. I dont really know what happened there, but I physically felt their pain and i squeezed them. My dad said, "squeeze harder, do it by the head", and i tried it and i felt a jolt of pain... I told myself "you are just imagining the pain, its okay" but then when I looked back at the worm, squirming and struggling... I connected some dots in my brain and this hard realization came upon me, that I was causing this poor creature pain. I began to cry and my dad had to feed the gecko that day. Ever since then I havent interacted with the gecko because every time I do it freaks me out a bit. I dont really understand what happened that time but I want to forget about it before I go near the gecko again. I've been trying to get closer to him but I always freak out.

So today I was on my computer, right? Drinking a tea. Trying to feel peaceful. Then all of a sudden my dad is there, all happy with the gecko, and I go "oh hi!!!" Because I am under the impression that the gecko will stay ON HIS HAND. Of course I'm wrong. My dad encourages him to go onto the table to see me. I EXPECT the gecko to walk onto the table and towards me, but TO MY SURPRSISE, the gecko basically jumpscares me by suddenly jumping from his hand onto and nearby watterbottle. I jump a bit, startled, and I spill tea all over my computer, the table, and my sleeve. As I'm processing what happened I'm overtaken by fear and I begin to cry.

Of course I'm fine and I'm just overreacting, but I was scared. I wasnt hurt, my computer mousepad barely works now but I wasnt hurt. So why was I so scared of a little gecko? I dont know. So I'm crying and trying to clean up the mess of tea everywhere and my dad is mad at me for spilling my tea and he asks why I did that and I tell him that I was scared since it jumped so suddenly, yknow I wasnt expecting it. I dont remeber his exact words but it was soemthing about me being 15, like "oh well since you're 15 now you should grow the fuck up" basically. Then he left. Like???? I am literally trying to get my breathing back to a normal pace because I'm SCARED, I was just JUMPSCARED, and you get MAD AT ME??? YOUR CHILD IS FUCKING SCARED AND YOU JUST LEAVE THEM?? the whole time I was cleaning I could hear him in the other room talking to the gecko, all carefree and happy... while I did my best not to cry. Damn okay. It almost made me feel like I was below human.

Usually this wouldnt be such a big fucking deal, but I'm an emotional person. And also I notice that,,, whenever my sister is scared they lunge at the chance to help her feel safe again. It's like they hate me specifically.

I know I'm making a big deal out of something that is really not a big deal. Really all that happened was a little gecko jumped and I got scared. I'm overdoing it. But that's just how I am now. I really don't want to believe that I'm broken or anything, but fuck i think i genuinely am messed up if stupid shit like this makes me freak out... reminder that this all began with EMPATHIZING WITH A FUCKING MEALWORM. I'm jsut so fucking broken. And in the moments I was left alone to console myself as quietly as possible so as not to make anyone angry, I felt my body become possessed with another soul.

This happens sometimes, where I will sorta have the mindset of a child. I force it sometimes to cope, but other times it happens on it's own whenever I feel unloved or otherwise bad like this. I'm not too sure if this is a normal thing. But I describe it as possession. The fact that that event made me get possessed is kinda a big deal. Usually that only happens at REALLY BAD THINGS.

But this wasn't really bad... I'm just being sensitive and overdoing it.

Honestly my parents are right... I really do need to grow up. But I think I have something wrong with me, with my brain, because there are just so many things about this story that are so... wrong. Like, what sort of person freaks out and cries for an hour because they got jumpscared? What sort of person then has their body SWITCH SOULS because they feel like their parents dont love them? WHAT SORT OF PERSON EMPATHIZES WITH A WORM??? it's all so weird. Like, who knows, maybe my parents arent that bad, maybe I'm just like... weird. I'm totally overdoing this. I'm totally overdoing this. I'm making such a big deal out of it... but I cant help it. That's just my emotions.

Shit, I should really get a therapist. All the ones I've been to so far tell me my emotional reactions are totally normal but THIS DOESNT SEEM FUCKING NORMAL TO ME. I've overreacted to shit my whole life. It's not. Helpful.

On another note, I notice that my crying doesnt induce a "concern" reaction in my father. It induces an "anger" reaction. They arent bad people, I just... I'm beginning to think they really fucking hate me.

They have all the reaosn to, but a lot of those reasons are things that couldve been fixed early on if the adults around me cared about my feelings enough to try to sort them out. It's been fifteen years and now I'm fucked up. Irreversible. Just. So.. so fuckinf damaged. I dont think I'll ever be normal. And I hate ft. But it cant happen.

Soemtimes I think it was a bad idea to choose to live after the party. It was the perfect time to die and I told myself no, dont do it. It was... perfect. Calling to me. I think it was my destiny to die that day. I think that now I am cursed since I dodged my destiny.

I try not to think that way. I tell myself that I am going to change so much. I tell myself that my passion will be my strength. But the way my life is going, it really doesnt feel like I will become anything good.

I'm failing my classes. They KNOW about my soul shifting. I cry too much. All I ever do is draw STUPID FUCKING DRAWINGS and play STUPID FUCKING MUSIC and play fashion designer in my room stitching things up... fucking hell. They're right to hate me. I'm a failure. But they're also wrong to hate me. A lot of the things they dont like about me are things that are THEIR FAULT.

Man, I dont even know what to think anymore. All I really ever wanted was their love. But it's impossible for me to get it now, so I should just forget about it. I cant though. It plagues me. The thought that they hate me. It hurts me. And when its confirmed to me... i'm sorry. All I ever do is complain about the most mundane bullshit ever. My parents are proabbly actually good people I'm just overdoing it because I'm I'm proabbly mentally ill or soemthing. And I'm a failure anyways so I cant fucking blame them for not liking me that much anwyays. God, fifteen is very old. And I'm a boy. I hate to say it but they're right. Fuck, they're right. I cant be crying... I'm so oversensitive. But wait, why am I trying so hard to justify their ideas? ITS BECAUSE I FEEL GUILTY CONDEMNING THEIR ACTIONS. WHY DO I FEEL GUILTY. goddamn it...

I dont know how I'm gonna fix this though. I kinda wish my parents would treat me with the softness that I NEED, that my mind NEEDS and has needed for a while now, but I know that wont happen and really I'm just this overgrown child thing and oh fuck I wonder who's fault that is??? Cos it isn't all on me. Oh shit, now I'm scared. If I get a bad mark on my test my parents will freak out. I think I'm going to cry again. Fuck man, I try my hardest, it's just I'm literally defective. I cant do any better. I've been set up to fail anyways. Fuck. I just... I dont know, I wish things were different.

This is stupid and I'm being stupid and freaking out over one little thing. Fuck.

[cela-astral-projection]

See the west wind move like a lover so upon the fields of barley. Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth among the fields of gold. I never made promises lightly and there have been some that I've broken. I swear in the days still left we'll walk in fields of gold.

18+ under the cut. Asra is still gone and Celeste is still at the hut. 

They returned to the hut and sat together in front of the fire. Muriel and Celeste were, for the most part, silent.

Muriel had never been much for conversation. Celeste had been, once, but she fought to find the words now.

In place of speaking, she had found a home between his thighs, and she sat, facing him, her legs hooked over his, on either side of his hips.

It was intensely awkward, initially. Muriel had blushed scarlet, unable to meet Celeste's reverent gaze. The feeling of heat from between her thighs creeping across the front of his breeches. The softness of her thighs against his hips. The smell of her perfume in his nostrils.

But, with time, he relaxed, allowing her hands to trace his scars, smooth her fingers through his hair, examine his face. Her fingers brushed across his eyebrows, his lips, the bridge of his nose, the line of his jaw.

Her hands settled on the collar at his throat, studying it. Pressing her palms against the spikes. Not hard enough to wound, but enough to feel their sharpness, how solid they were. Her fingers traced the length of the chain that fell against his chest. She shook her head, turning her face to his, meeting his eyes.

"Too heavy," she said, her tone worried.

"There are heavier things," he replied softly.

She caught his meaning, and moved her hand to his chest, to his heart, not breaking eye contact. He nodded in acknowledgment. She drew a long breath.

"Broken," she asserted, not a question.

"Yes," he responded.

She moved her hand down his arm and caught his wrist, bringing his hand to her chest, resting it at her heart. "Broken,"

He had to fight the urge to scoff. Celeste had no idea just how broken her heart was. And he couldn't forget. That horrible and beautiful thing that Asra had done.

"You love me?" she asked, pressing his hand more firmly against her chest.

He closed his eyes and nodded. "Always. And you loved me, too."

"Love you. Not loved." Celeste corrected, squeezing his hand.

Muriel sighed. "How can you know that?" his voice was somber.

Celeste seemed to mull it over, twisting her mouth up, then blowing a tendril of hair out of her face. "I hear...echoes. From before."

He made a noise of affirmation. Not a memory. Something reverberating across time and space.

"And Asra? You love him, too?" he asked, curious.

She nodded, answering as if it was hardly a question at all. "My Master. My heart."

He tilted his head. "Master?" he said aloud. He gave a dark chuckle. The fact that he was letting her call him that. The fact that she was letting him get away with having her call him that? Spoke volumes to the depths of things she had lost. Celeste had never really been subservient to anyone.

She lifted an eyebrow at his amusement. "Asra is my teacher," she said, almost offended.

"Stick with 'Asra' for the time being," he replied, genuinely displeased with this 'Master' nonsense.

"You and Asra...like Asra and I. Right?" she questioned, trying to understand the dynamic.

It was Muriel's turn to think it over. He blushed a bit, considering what he could say. Though, she seemed to know already. He took a breath, drawing air between his teeth. He couldn't answer her directly.

Celeste giggled at his blush, and the color at his cheeks deepened. "Right,"  punctuating the subject. "Like us. That's good. Asra is...good." she said, a lilt in her tone, implying something more than the fact that Asra was a wonderful person.

Muriel was not at all prepared to have this conversation. He and Asra had been together for years. They weren't involved in any official capacity, but they belonged together. They had an understanding that they loved each other.  

He didn't consider himself to be jealous. At least not with Celeste. That was what they had all wanted. To share each other. To be together. All three of them.

Julian had been another matter entirely, but he could even reason that away with the idea that grief made Asra do stupid things. Like fucking Julian Devorak. And bringing people back from the dead.

Though he didn't quite mind the second one quite so much at this very moment.

"And you and I...?" she pushed, just a bit further.

He huffed a sigh, then shook his head. "No. You and I never were together. Not like that."

She looked a little shocked at that, looking him over. "Why?"

He snorted. Derisive. "No time, unfortunately."

Celeste was puzzled. They loved each other, but weren't physically intimate? She was in love with this man, and they weren't fucking? What the hell was she thinking? That seemed impossible.

He watched her expression. "It was never a matter of want. I assure you," he said, trying to quell her confusion. "It just couldn't happen."

She knew enough to understand that she wouldn't get much more than that from him, so she nodded her assent. "We have time now?" she offered, shifting forward a bit, teasing.

'Oh, Gods. Please,' Muriel thought, staring up at the ceiling, swallowing hard. 'Please, give me strength.' he implored.

Strength for what, he was uncertain. To deny her? To not take her right there?

Then again, he really didn't want the Gods to know she was there. With him. Breaking the terms of his deal, with the one he'd made the deal for.

'No,' he amended. 'Fuck you. Fuck your deal. Celeste is mine. I'm keeping her.'

He had only ever kissed her once. Through the bars of his cell. Sure, there had been other little kisses, on the cheek, the corner of her mouth, when they'd first brought her back. He had laid alongside her and Asra, holding her, willing her back to them. Knowing that he would have to leave her.

But she was here. And she was flesh and blood. She was tender and soft and sweet and his.

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers, and her hand came up to his jaw, long fingers cupping his chin, drawing him to her. His arms snaked around her waist, conscious of the spikes at his wrists. Their mouths met. It was chaste. His eyes fluttered shut, savoring the sensation.

How long had it been? Before she was resurrected. Before the plague. How many nights had he dreamt of this? Felt the ghost of her kiss lingering on his mouth? It was every blissful remembrance made real.

She loved everything about him. The scruff of his beard under her palm. His lips were chapped, but full and soft. He smelled natural. Of sweat, and cedar, and myrrh. His hair was silky but dense and heavy. Cut shaggy and mostly unkempt. It was dark, and the firelight glimmered in it. Dark brown, almost black.  The silvery raised scars that crossed his body. It pained her to think of what may have caused them. What hurts he endured.

She still found him appealing. Beautiful. Powerful. He was hard, and yet, so yielding under her touch. The way he allowed her to examine him. Drink him in. Even as his face burned with a blush. He didn't hide from her. Didn't shy away. He wanted to be touched. To be seen. To be seen by her.

The kiss was slow, heated, pressure building. Becoming more passionate with each moment Celeste and Muriel were joined. His mouth parted hers, and she felt his tongue tracing her teeth. She could taste him. Her tongue met his, tips flicking against one another's, sinking deeper, rolling, and massaging.

His hands crept up her back, one resting at the back of her neck, the other coiling into her hair. Rough callouses skimming her scalp. She shivered. The small hairs on her body standing on end. She tilted her head back, seeking that sensation again, her mouth pulling away from his.

His lips drug along her chin, her jaw, to her throat. His hand tangled in her hair, pulling her head back so that he could access her neck more easily. His tongue flicked across her skin, and then his lips would press, and he would suckle and release, leaving small pink welts in his wake. She laid back, allowing him to guide her lower to the pelt that lay on the floor beneath them. Inch, by inch, his kisses falling upon her chest. He had appreciated Asra's chosen wardrobe more, his stolen shirt parting easily enough, falling away from her shoulders. Her chest revealing itself to him.

He had wondered what her breasts might look like. Hazy memories of her form in the dark. So long had he seen her in the shadow, her silhouette, traced by torchlight in the dungeon. He had imagined them, but nothing came close to the reality of them. Dense and full. The areola barely visible, only a shade or so darker than the rest of her tawny skin, a small bud of a nipple rising as it was exposed to the air. He drew a ragged breath, marveling at her form.

He laid her down and made to disentangle his legs from hers, grateful that she'd been in such an advantageous position. Easy to move between her thighs, part them with his knees, her skirt riding up. He made quick work of the remaining fastenings that held her blouse closed and brushed the fabric away. He took a moment, moving a hand over the plane of her belly.  Her stomach was soft, undefined. He was almost surprised to see a thin line of coarse brunette hairs from beneath the band of her skirt leading up to her belly button. He traced them with his finger. She gave a quiet giggle, then bit her lip, tickled by the caress.

Muriel lowered himself to her breast, laving his tongue over her nipple, feeling it stiffen slowly, the skin around it contract. Celeste hissed above him, her head rolling back. He wrapped his lips around the nub, suckling, releasing, suckling again, every once in a while, his teeth would graze the site, and she would squirm a bit. Her hands were up, above her head, pulling the soft orbs taut, her back arching, pressing them against his lips. He moved between the knolls, abandoning one for the other.

He moved down her body, drawing his mouth excruciatingly gently over her sternum, her rib cage, her belly, to the waistband of her skirt. She watched him as he went, eyes half-lidded. His movements were so deliberate and worshipful. His fingers moved to her skirt, and she lifted her hips to help him slide it down.

Muriel was confronted by the soft mound of her mons. He had assumed, given their prior seating arrangement, that she was, in fact, bare beneath her skirt, but seeing it first hand was entirely different. Covered in a dark thatch of curls. The same dark hairs that climbed upwards towards her navel, but thicker, curlier, and denser. It was a curiosity, fleshy and yielding under his fingers, soft lips that gave way to damp slick folds.

His lover of choice, Asra, had decidedly different anatomy. But Lucio had made a point to bring "gifts" to him after what he felt was a particularly good performance in the arena. The workers were always courteous, pitying. Preformative. And fearful of him. Putting on another show for Lucio. All of them under duress, but suppressing their desire to flee or resist under threat of further punishment.  Lucio always framed it as a charity, but it wasn't above him to take himself in hand while he watched.

And Muriel couldn't deny there was some comfort in the release. He had learned about giving pleasure. Lucio would dictate to him precisely what he wanted to see. Of the indignities and crimes he endured, it was certainly the lesser of the evils. Traumatic though it certainly was.  The sex worker's bodies were always perfect, groomed, perfumed, painted. It was all artificial.

But Celeste was real. And beautiful. She wasn't pretending. She wasn't intimidated. Muriel didn't want to separate himself from this.  

He wanted the smell of her in his nostrils, the taste of her cunt on his tongue. She writhed and moaned as he lapped at her clit, his hands holding her hips down, feeling her strain to push up against his ministrations. His name flowing from her lips. Her fingers in his hair. He licked up the slick that trickled from her core, his tongue darting into her tight hole, stroking her, drinking of her body. She tensed and fell apart, her body vibrating. She keened and whined, and he persisted, repeating the same cycle over again. When she could take no more, she called his name, pushing at his cheek with her thigh, too overstimulated to continue the onslaught.

He moved to her side, hand at her jaw, drawing her mouth back to his. He whispered against her mouth, imploring her to taste herself. She ran her tongue along his lips, and he recaptured her, feverishly claiming her mouth. Celeste rolled towards him, mouths still locked. Her hands moving immediately to the waist of his trousers, making deft work of the ties and buckles.

He fell back, parting their kiss. His shoulders pressed into the pelt, and he lifted his hips, pushing the clothing down, kicking off his boots and the offending garment. When he settled, her hand found his cock, hard.

Her fingers moved along his length, sizing him up. She paused for a moment, unsure, and she pushed away for a moment to look down at his member to confirm what she was feeling.  She looked up at him, and he looked equal parts embarrassed and amused.

It was...a lot. Not gratuitous or offensive, certainly. It suited him. Large man. Proportionate dick. All told, it was a gorgeous cock. Silky and veiny with a dusky head, the slightest slick of pre-come at the tip, forming under her touch. All the same, a bit daunting.

"I'll go slow," he reassured her, and she nodded.

She started to move down his body, and he caught her arm, pleading with her. "If you use your mouth on me, I won't last." he cautioned. Of course, he wanted it. But the prospect of her pretty eyes looking up at him as she sucked his cock, choked on it, swallowed his come...there was time for that, later.

He had been waiting years for this. The novelty of fucking Celeste's mouth was nothing compared to the idea of burying himself in her cunt. Riding her until she drained him and his come spilled out of her. He wouldn't be denied that.

She reclined again, and he rolled onto his side, his hand moving to her thigh, drawing her close. He pulled her leg over his hip and positioned himself at the slit at the apex of her thighs. Celeste drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly, her body relaxing. He pushed forward gradually. Celeste's eyes fluttered closed, and she focused on remembering to breathe.

The first sensation was the heat, pressing and sliding between her folds, seeking out her entrance. Then, the slow, agonizing stretch as Muriel entered her. Her breath caught, and he stopped, waiting for her to settle. She swallowed then nodded, biting her lip. He eased forward further, then withdrew a bit.

Muriel's movements were shallow, gradual. He was restraining himself. Acclimatizing her to his size. He watched her face, listened to the sound of her breathing, how quiet little mewls and keens started pouring from her lips as he continued to rock back and forth. She was hot and dripping, and so very tight.  Each thrust was just the slightest bit deeper, taking him further in. She started to roll her hips forward against him, finding his rhythm and meeting it.

His movements became less disciplined as he sank further into her, the clench of her walls silken around his hardness. He called out her name. His hand gripped her thigh, rolling her against him with each drive forward into her cunt.

Celeste moved her hand to her clit, a finger on either side of the sensitive bud. He crashed into her over again, and she pressed and released over and over with each thrust. The pressure and stretch of him filling her combined with the stimulation on her already oversensitive nerves. Lights flashed behind her eyelids, and she made involuntary noises, breathy sounds that came unbidden.

Muriel's name. Over and over.

His beautiful girl, calling for him. He groaned, and his body hitched, overwhelmed by the dire need to release. A vibration that spread from every extremity. He was desperate for it to stop, but it could continue forever. Exquisite and beautiful, drowning him in pleasure. Transcending physical feeling.  His whole body tingling, hot and cold. Helpless yet in complete control. The entirety of tactile sense surging towards a single exit point. He spilled into her, crying out, head falling back, pushing further into her, filling her with his seed.

He remained seated in her, coming down, getting his bearings. She used the thick, creamy come that leaked from around his cock to stroke her clit to another orgasm. Her canal clenching around his spent member. He listened to her moaning, felt the shuddering of her body.

For a long while, they lay, side by side, searching each other's faces. Muriel stroked her cheek, brushed her hair away from her face. She caught his hand and brought his palm to her lips, pressing soft kisses to his hands. They basked in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

It was nearly too much for Muriel to bear. So many years of longing. And now, he had her. It was everything he had wanted. She was his, and she was perfect.

How could he go back to the yearning? How could he let this go?

He wouldn't. Celeste would stay.

He didn't know how, but he would keep her. He would heal her. Asra could stay, or Asra could leave them. Celeste was his. He would fight for her. He had to. The idea of her ever being away from him again. Forgetting him was too much to bear.

Hadn't he paid enough? Surely whatever deities Asra had entreated were not so cruel to keep them apart. It had to mean something, this feeling in his chest. This surge of love and adoration. It couldn't be for nothing.

[ihaveneverbeengivenflowers]

(Not so) Random considerations on birth control methods and menstrual cycle

Although absolutely nobody fucking asked, I wanted to talk about my personal experience with birth control pills and menstrual cycle. First of all, let's catch up on how did I get here.

I started taking oral contraceptives (OC) since my mother took me to a gynecologist for the first time. The doctor made me a prescrition because I told her I suffered with cramps during my period. I was about 13 years old.

I kept taking OC every single day for the following 11 years, until I reached 24. Several doctors I passed by along these years changed the dosage and combinations of hormones I took, because each of them gave me a different bunch of adverse effects. Headache, nausea, menstrual cramps, recurrent urinary tract infections, candidiasis, vaginal bleedings... the list goes on.

During my teenage years I found out some women from my mother's family have circulatory problems, from varicose veins to venous thrombosis. There are also cases of cancer possibly induced by sexual hormones. That is: conditions that make OC, especially the combined ones, contraindicated for me. I got worried and decided to come back to the doctor and talk about another options available. The only one that was presented to me was the so called minipills, which are OC made with a single hormone instead of a combination of two. I took it for the following 5 years straight, and it seemed a good idea at the time because I've spent all my life struggling with underweight and anemia. Since the OC completelly suspended my period, I was supposed to be fine.

However, last January I had a major vaginal bleeding, even though I didn't stop taking my OC. I had terrible abdominal pains, and the bleeding continued for almost 10 days straight. Like I said, being underweight didn't improve the situation and my immune system shut down very quickly. Besides, I was having a hard time to keep up with my bills and wasn't covered by any health insurance at that time (I live in Brazil, and for those who are not familiar, things are a little bit different here. Theoretically we do have a public health system, but in real life we can't barely count on it and the access to the private system is kinda surreal for those living with minimum wage).

Well, as soon as I could, I saved enough money to go see a private doctor. I paid for the appointment and a several exams to find out that my bleeding was possibly caused by multiple ovarian cysts. Both of my ovaries were 3 times bigger than the normal size, and the doctor hypothesized that a big one of them (or a few) must have simply ruptured, and that the whole shit was probably induced by the fucking OC.

In summary, the doctor said I had polycistic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Plus, I should stop taking my actual OC and go back to the combined ones. Yeah, those same I was not supposed to take both because of my family history and the previously described adverse effects. He emphasized that was the only treatment available, and that my condition actually had no cure, so I should just take it for the next 30-40 years until I’d reach menopause, while praying for not having cancer or thrombosis or embolia and... well, to die of something else not related with OC.

So, well... I quit. I smiled and waved to the doctor and left the office. I was about to turn 25 and I decided I wasn’t going to take it that way. Now that you’re up to date in the story, let’s move on to where I was really trying to get with this post.

Please note: I ain't no gynecologist nor physician, but nowadays I’m a post-graduate health professional with a couple years of clinical practice. And I think I’m allowed to apply the little knowledge I acquired during 7 years (so far, still counting) of higher education to see through this situation with a tad of criticism. Not only regarding my own case, but regarding the doctors’ position when it comes to women’s reprodutive health - at least in my country. Therefore, let’s consider some key points:

Is there a real need to prescribe OC to young girls aged 13 years or less just because they come to the office complaining about menstrual cramps? During the period the lining of the unfertilized womb is being shed through the vagina. It involves muscular contractions, so of course it might get painful. There’s nothing abnormal about it, so why purging it like a plague instead of teaching them that’s a physiological process and how to relieve the pain in case it happens? Nutritional counseling, physical exercises, simply using a hot-water bottle or even taking an occasional painkiller can totally solve the problem.

The primary aim when taking OC is expected to be, should be, birth control. Yet, they’re frequently prescribed to girls that don’t even have an active sex life because of light acne, oily skin, menstrual cramps and/or intense menstrual flow without any further clinical complications... or just because. You might take it as some conspiracy theory, but you know what it looks like to me? Creating a very profitable market for pharmaceuticals. And nothing more. If women get sick and end up developing cancer or whatever, even better, so more drugs (way more expensive ones) will be sold.

In fact, there are another treatments available for PCOS. But it seems doctors are too lazy, or too comfortable in their position of filling a single standard prescription, that they completely ignore any alternatives. Can you wonder why? Maybe because it requires a minimum of health and sex education, and that takes time. How are they going to be able to attend people in less than 5 minutes if they’ll have to talk to their patients, right? Simply doesn’t worth it. Anyways, again, alternatives include acupunture, homeopathy, phitoteraphy, dietotherapy throught nutritional counseling and regular physical activity. Each case is different, but keep in mind: OC aren’t the only way, indeed, literally speaking they’re not even a treatment because they don’t treat it.

Opening a parenthesis: of course there probably are exceptions and good doctors no matter where. But doctors at public health system are in general unsatisfied with their working conditions and environment, while doctors at the private system usually are anything but well paid by insurance companies. In overall terms, the more academically qualified the doctors get, the less prepared for attending real life demandings in developing countries they are. Also, the less willing to work in such places they are. (If you’d wish to read more about it, I highly recommend seeing Chapter 5 - An example of a paradigm and its social conditions: scientific medicine of La construction de sciences, by Gérard Fourez.)

Still on PCOS topic: first of all, having multiple cyst on one or both ovaries doesn’t necessarily mean PCOS. PCOS, as a syndrome, means there are multiple criteria that need to be fulfilled for closing the diagnostic. In this case, criteria involve imaging exams, symptomatology, clinical and biochemical evaluation. In my case, for instance, PCOS is a diagnosis that simply doesn’t suit my medical history, but no doctor has ever bothered making an anamnesis. I’m not trying to say anybody should go to Dr. Google’s opinion (seriously, don’t), but look out for more information than it’s given to you at the office, even because often none is given.

I know suspending the menstrual cycle can make life much more easier. No worries about pads, unexpected leaks, cramps, PMS etc. But take it from a different perspective for a second. There seems to be a lot of content over the internet nowadays about body positivity, empowerment and tons of so called movements of deconstruction of established paradigms in our society about feminility and feminism. I’ve seen a lot of girls online sharing their experiences on stopping taking OC etc. I don’t know how far it’s good or not, but there’s a point that can be taken from all of it: the menstrual cycle is a natural part of every woman’s reprodutory phase in life. It’s not disgusting, embarrasing or whatever nonsense we’ve been told. And it can be a good way for us to conect with ourselves, to listen to our bodies. Observing symptoms such as pain, fatigue, cravings, emotions, sex drive; checking on cervical mucus, body temperature, hours of sleep... all of this can be part of a daily self-care routine and, moreover, be useful to birth control.

Talking about birth control: I’m genuinely surprised on how much the doctors whom I interacted during my life underrate condoms as a method against unwanted pregnancy. They say out loud that it’s not safe and, unless the conspiracy theory about selling drugs is real, I simply don’t get the reason why they do that. In first place, this is bullshit because condoms are a very effective fisical barrier that prevent even a single spermatozoid from swimming along the vaginal canal and straight up to the womb. Second, there’s no 100% safe method except for sexual abstinence; not even OC + condoms (theoretically not even tubal ligation) are 100% safe, since the human body isn’t a static machine and everything is prone to error. So, yes, opting for non-pharmacological methods of birth control instead of synthetic hormones can be valid.

Obs: condoms work as long as they’re properly stored, used and discarded. But the same can be said about OC and any other contraceptive methods. And, important: choosing a contraceptive method involves not only statistical data on the margin of error of condoms and pills, but also individual phychossocial aspects. In other words: a determined method might not be the doctors’ first option and they might not personally like it, but they can suck it up and use their fucking knowledges to find the best alternative for you.

Again, I’m not trying to encourage you anybody else to contradict their doctors. However, I think that questioning is part of a healthy and constructive process. First because doctors are human beings, therefore they’re as prone to error as anybody else (or even more due to long working hours). Second, because they’re supposed to be the primary source of information for any questions you might have about your own health. Third, because I believe with all my heart that the relationship between health professionals and their patients must include, if not be based in, trust.

[jimintykookies]

Pairing: hoseok x female reader

Genre: phoenix!AU, smut, angst, fluff

Warnings: intercourse, oral (male and female), loss of virginity (female), major character death (non-descriptive)

A/N: Here it is, my first fic on this account. I’m so excited to debut my writing on here and even more excited to do it as part of a collab full of wonderful writers (many of whom I look up to). If you would like to check out their contributions to Cryptaesthesia, the link is here. I hope you enjoy and please, please, please leave feedback. Love ya!!

“Don’t forget to remind your parents about the conferences.”

You watched fondly as your hoard of kindergartners ran off to greet their respected parent or guardian. Your smile widened, quietly observing them excitedly explaining the events of their day. You loved your job and you loved your kids. Each one was special in their own unique way: Ella built towers with anything she could get her hands on, Lucas was the master painter and Bianca and Taylor were the Double Dutch queens.

You were familiar with most of the parents as well. There was the group of ‘Mean Girl’ moms who actively shamed anyone who gave their kids so much as a cookie. Rachel and Elliot Kasper were the young, dreamy couple who were so in love it was disgusting. Mrs. Wells was the Master of the Bake Sales, who made the best chocolate chip cookies you’d ever had. And then there was Kim Taehyung: the hot single dad with eyes of honey and a heart of gold. He had moved to the states a few years ago with his daughter Jisoo, and you couldn’t exactly blame the moms who would swoon over him at PTA meetings. Between his caramel hair, puppy dog eyes and a jawline that could cut diamonds, no one could blame you for harboring a little crush on him. It didn’t help that the sound of “Miss. Y/N” rolling of his tongue was enough for your panties to become ruined. How can someone’s voice be deeper than the Pacific ocean?

Your eyes quickly found him as they ran over the school courtyard. He was crouched beside Jisoo, golden skin glistening in the early May sun, lips stretched into a large smile as he chatted with his daughter. You mentally cursed how good he looked in a plain black t-shirt, because no human should look that hot. And those arms, god those arms. You could barely breathe when his biceps flexed to pick Jisoo’s backpack.

You lingered in the courtyard until you were sure all your kids were gone before slowly dragging yourself back to your classroom. Due to school policy, you were required to stay for another hour before you could head home to your couch and a warm cup of tea. Doing your best to fill up the time, you stop by the teacher’s lounge to make yourself a cup of bland coffee, an important aid in making your way through grading thirty-two math tests. You loved to teach, but grading had to be one of the worst jobs on the planet. While your kids were wonderful, you couldn’t say the same about their handwriting. You had suffered through many a headache trying to decipher e’s from c’s and h’s from n’s.

Sure enough an hour later you were sitting at your desk rubbing your temples. Accompanying your growing headache was the familiar queasy stomach and empty chest. These phenomenons make up what you call the Feeling. The Feeling had plagued you since you were eight years old and you accidentally set your Barbie doll on fire.

For the most part, it had been a quiet Tuesday evening. Your parents had gotten into another fight, but that wasn’t exactly out of character at this point. You were alone in your room about to make Ken kiss the bride, when you heard a loud crash from the kitchen. You jumped at the sound, heart beating fast. Crashes often meant ugly fights and because of this, loud noises set off your fight or flight instincts. When you looked back at your doll, you found that your dear Barbie, along with your hand, were ablaze. Despite the fire, the burning sensation was nowhere to be found, and despite your surprise, you made no sound. Instead, you stared at the flames until your breathing and heartbeat slowed and the fire extinguished itself. The doll was a melted, black mess, but your hand was otherwise untouched.

That was the first of many times you accidentally set something on ire. Byt the time you were eleve, your pyrokinetic abilities were somewhat under control. As far as you were aware, nobody else knew about it and that was the way you wanted it to stay. However, your control over your flame had a direct relationship with the Feeling. As your control grew, the Feeling grew in tandem. You don’t know exactly how to describe the Feeling, but the closest you had ever come was it felt like you were missing the other half of your soul. At first, it was just a lonely thought it the back of your mind, but as you matured, it became more physical and more distracting. It was a dull ache most of the time and just enough distraction would make you forget about it, but some days it screamed at you, making it hard to focus on work and at its worst, leave you bedridden. You were to afraid to go to a doctor because while you didn’t know the exact cause, you were fairly certain that it was connected to your powers and you weren’t in the mood to become some lab experiment.

Today it hadn’t been too bad, but without proper distraction, it still bugged you. You had found over the years that peppermint tea eased the feeling a bit, so you found yourself once again in the teacher’s lounge, boiling a steaming cup. You were in the middle of stirring in some honey, when Kim Namjoon, the vice principal, approached you.

“Hey, Y/N.” He smiled fondly at you.

“Hey, Namjoon, what’s up?”

You liked Namjoon. Not romantically, but as a person. He was intelligent, funny and genuinely cared about both the staff and the kids. He had amazing ideas about how to make the students learning simultaneously more fun and more immersive, all while providing constant support for the teachers. He would make a much better principal then Min Jinsoo, who only liked his job for his pay.

“I got your field trip approved.”

A few weeks ago you had sent in a request for a field trip to a local dance studio that offered classes about movement for younger children. You were currently leading a unit on health and exercise and you figured this would be a great way to get the kids out of the classroom. When you had told Namjoon about your idea, he had immediately been on board. However, Jinsoo was an absolute stinge, and rarely granted field trip requests. This time, however, you seemed to have gotten lucky.

“Really? That’s great. What did you have to bribe Min with this time?”

“Bribery? Don’t you know who I am? I charmed him with my outstanding rhetoric.”

You raised an eyebrow. He sighed.

“Free coffee for a month.”

“Jesus, Joon, you didn’t have to do that!”

“A ‘thanks’ would have been sufficient.”

“Well, thank you. This will really mean a lot to the kids. We haven’t gone on a field trip since October.”

“No problem. You know the kid’s education is the most important thing to me.”

“I do, but we both know how expensive Jung’s prefered coffee is.”

“I never promised him that. If you think I am bringing anything other than that gas station shit, you are sadly mistaken.”

“Well, thanks still. Anyway, I better get going. I have a crap load of tests to grade. As much as I love these kids, their handwriting is really something else.”

“Aish, I know. Good luck. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Kim.”

An hour later, you’re finally done with checking the tests and entering the scores into the gradebook. You pack up your stuff, grab your coat and keys and head out to your car. The one positive about staying behind to grade tests, is that it means you miss rush hour. Instead of an hour, your drive home only takes thirty minutes. However, by the time you make it home, the Feeling begins to take over. You immediately make yourself another cup of peppermint tea before curling up on the couch and putting a show on Netflix. You can’t really focus on the plot though, because the Feeling is slowly taking over all of your senses. You hated when it got like this: all consuming, demanding that you pay attention to it. What you hated most is that there was no way for you to fix it. For all you knew, you would spend the rest of your life like this and if the pattern continued, it would only get worse.

You ended up giving up on watching the show and instead making yourself a light dinner before going to bed at six-thirty. You don’t fall asleep for a long time, tears streaming down your face as you longed for someone to comfort you, to tell you it was okay. When you can no longer keep your eyes open, you fall into a dreamless slumber.

HOSEOK POV

“One and two and three and four and…” Hoseok had long cutout Jimin’s counting, his only focus being his body and the music.

He loved the feeling of the solid, hardwood dance floor beneath his feet. With each step he felt more alive and he could feel a rush of energy run through him every time he breathed in. He threw his body into every leap, every step, every beat. Dance was his life and he communicated that with his movement.

He got so caught up in dancing that he hadn’t realized that Jimin had stopped moving. One second he was flying through the air and the next he was colliding with Jimin’s hard body before falling to the floor. He put his hand out to catch himself, but his weight was too much for his wrist and he cried out as sharp pain shot up his arm.

“Fuck, Hobi, are you okay?”

Jimin was immediately hovering over him, as he rolled on the floor clutching his wrist.

“Ahh, shit it hurts.”

“Do you need me to take you to the hospital? Do you need painkillers? Ice?”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Just help me up.”

Using his good hand, Jimin lifted him to his feet and helped him hobble to the front desk where they kept a mini-fridge with ice. He hissed when he felt the cold against his now swollen wrist.

“Are you sure your fine?” Jimin’s voice was shaking with worry.

“I’ll be alright. Go back to dancing, I’ll be in in a minute.”

Jimin cast him a worried glance, but listened to him anyway. As soon as Jimin was gone, Hoseok channeled the energy that was always bubbling in his core to spread out down to his arm. He sighed in relief as the swelling went down. He became so relaxed, that he didn’t notice that he had set fire to the towel he had wrapped around the ice.

“Fuck. Shit. Goddammit.”

He quickly beat out the flame before throwing the towel in the trash, hoping no one would notice it. It wasn’t the first time he had accidentally set something on fire and he doubted it would be the last. Ever since he was eight years old, he had been setting random things aflame. Lucky for him, the only person who had ever caught him was his school’s druggie. The kid had blabbered to everyone on campus about Hoseok’s powers but every had passed it off as an LSD induced hallucination. Despite having them for his entire life, he had no idea where his powers came from, he just knew that they were accompanied by the strangest ache he had ever felt.

He waited a couple more minutes before heading back into the dance studio. Jimin had just finished running through the song again and was brushing the sweat from his forehead.

When he saw Hoseok, his brow furrowed in concern.

“Hey, what are you doing? Shouldn’t you be icing that?”

“It’s fine, just some temporary pain. I’m good. Should we run it again?”

“Actually, we have some kids from a local school coming in in a couple days. I was hoping you could teach it because it’s my parent’s 50th anniversary and I have to help with the party.”

“Uh, sure. How old are they?”

“Around five or six. Kindergartners.”

“Aww, just little kiddos.”

Hoseok had always had a soft spot for little ones. They were always so adorable, prancing around the studio, attempting to follow his instructions.

“Yeah, it’s a field trip from the local school. I think you’ll really like the teacher. She’s hot.”

Jimin sent him a wink and he rolled his eyes in response. Over the years, Hoseok had found himself perpetually single. Don’t get him wrong, he had got his dick wet plenty of times, but every relationship he had found himself in felt suffocating. Jimin, however, was a hopeless romantic and made it his life mission to find the girl of Hoseok’s dreams. This teacher was only one of the billion that Jimin had tried to set him up with and he doubted this one would be any different from the rest. Still, there was a part of him that hoped that she might fix the hole that was becoming more and more obvious every day.

Something was wrong. Very wrong. You had never felt this good in your entire life. You had just stepped into the dance studio to meet the instructor for your class, normal procedure. However, as soon as his hand clasped yours in a friendly shake, it felt like your entire body was healed. You almost jumped in surprise at the sensation and it took you a solid minute to recuperate from the shock. Throughout the class you found yourself trying to find ways to get as close to him as possible: the nearer you were, the more euphoric you felt. The hole that had began to become unbearable the last couple days, was suddenly gone. During the lunch break, you found yourself talking to him. The conversation was easy, and while you normally felt anxious around guys, you felt completely safe around Hoseok. He was handsome, a good dancer, and the absolute sweetest around the kids. You prayed to god he was single, because you weren’t sure you would be able to handle of the pain of him having a girlfriend. You dreaded having to leave. You didn’t know if you would ever feel like this again.

Sadly, all good things come to an end. You almost wanted to cry during your departure, but instead were forced to help manage your small children. When you shook his hand in goodbye, you felt a small piece of paper being passed to you. When you glanced at it, you were elated to see the ten digits scrawled in blue ink. You couldn’t help the smile that grew across your face and when you glanced back up at him, you burst out laughing at his cheesy wink. You didn’t notice your scarf in a crumpled heap in the corner of the dance studio, but Hoseok certainly did.

You at in your desk chair, lazily swinging back and forth, while you debated whether or not you should text him. You hadn’t had much dating experience in your life (read: none at all) and the last thing you wanted was to come off as too eager. That being said, you were eager to see him again. You longed to feel the comfortable ease that came with being around him and his gorgeous smile. You began to swirl into an anxious spiral, mind switching back and forth to the point that you felt a headache begin to form. You were so deep in your thoughts, that you didn’t hear the knock on the door or see Hoseok walk in.

You glanced up in surprise, “Oh...what are you doing here?”

He broke into a gentle smile as your tongue tripped over itself, which in turn made you smile as well. Just him being in the room made your mind calm and your anxiety quell. That all disappeared when you noticed the scarf, your scarf, in his hand. You come to the fast and disappointing realisation that he is not there for you, but simply to return your belonging.

“I’m here to return this...”

His voice was soft and unsteady, breath quick. He almost seemed nervous.

“...andtoaskyouonadate.”

He spit the words out so fast, it took you a moment to comprehend what he had just said. When the realisation did hit you, you opened your mouth before closing it in complete disbelief.

“I..well..um..you wanna go on a date? With me?” You couldn’t keep the disbelief out of your voice.

“Well..uh..yeah. Ya know..if that is something you would like?”

It was a good thing no one else was there to see you because you were both a blushing mess. Hoseok hadn’t actually gone a date with a girl in years (he was pretty sure casual one night stands didn’t count as dates) and you had never been on a date at all. You hadn’t even had your first kiss.

“I would like that...a date..that...we should do.”

Your nervousness seemed to cure him of his, as he burst out in the cutest giggle you had ever heard (keep in mind you work with five year olds).

“Thank god, if you had said no, I swear I would’ve died.”

You smile, the butterflies in your stomach still fluttering, but no longer preventing you from being a coherent human being.

“I’m just happy you’re not just here to return the scarf.”

“I’m happy you left it so I had an excuse to see you again.”

You giggled.

“So how does dinner and a movie next Saturday sound?”

“It sounds just perfect.”

“Well I should probably go, it’s Jimin’s birthday and if I don’t pick up the alcohol for his party, I don’t know if you will ever see me again.”

“Well then you better go, I don’t want a missing man as my date. Text me the details?”

“Sounds good.”

Time goes by slower than you would like, but now Hoseok texts you daily and that keeps your impatience at bay. By the time Saturday evening rolls around, you are a chaotic mess, trying to figure out what to wear. You always thought it was stupid how much time and effort put into getting ready for these kinds of things, but now you fully understood the pressure of trying not to look like you tried too hard, but also like you tried a little. Society is stupid like that. By the time you were walking out the door, you had spent nearly three hours on your hair, makeup and outfit, and you swore to god if the date went well, Hoseok was going to have to deal with you being a mess from now on.

You meet him at a new Mexican restaurant equidistant from both of your houses. You almost choked when you saw him, his usual attire consisting of sweatpants and loose tees replaced with a leather jacket and black skin-tight jeans. He looked god-level good and you wondered how soon you could get water because, goddamn, if you were going to get through this night you were going to need a lot of it.

As it turns out, despite his “bad boy” outfit, Hoseok was the perfect gentlemen. He held the door open, offered to take your jacket, and pulled out your chair for you. Just like the other day at the dance studio, conversation with him was as easy as it had ever been. You felt completely relaxed, and despite your generally closed off ways, you were willing to be completely vulnerable. It was simple and easy and you didn’t have to think about anything.

Everything was going great until you left the restaurant to walk to the nearby movie theater. You were halfway there when you ran into the one person you would pay money to never have to speak to again: Jeon Jungkook, your high school crush.

You and Jungkook had been in the same friend group in high school and were actually fairly close. You had spent many a night helping his piss drunk ass home and sobering him up so his father wouldn’t get mad and beat him again. You grew closer as more and more of your friends either graduated or became self-righteous jerks and by the end of your junior year, you considered him to be your best friend.

But then something changed. Jungkook grew distant within a matter of weeks, only talking to you when absolutely necessary. You were left heartbroken and confused, but when you tried confront him on the matter, he left you with more questions, then he answered. You later learned that he had found out about your little crush on him and instead of handling it like a mature human being, he ditched you out of embarrassment for your “pitiful ass” (his words apparently).

“Oh hey.”

Hey. Those were the first word to you in ten years, after abandoning you when he was all you had left.  You glared at him, hand tightening around Hoseok’s.

“Hey.”

Your voice was quiet. You didn’t know what Jungkook wanted, but that didn’t stop you from being terrified that he would say something to make Hoseok never want to talk to you again. You were so happy for the first time in your life, and here was the one person who might just ruin it for you.

“Who’s this?”

Hoseok looked back and forth between you, clearly confused.

“This is my..uh..ex-friend, Jungkook.”

“Now that’s no way to introduce your best friend from high school.”

You hated that he looked so happy. That he was confident. You had wanted the world to rip him apart for what he did to you, but instead it seemed to only have built him up more.

“What do you want Jungkook?”

Despite your attempts to control it, you were sure both men could here the anger laced in your tone.

“Gosh, Y/N, I was just trying to be nice.”

“Oh, now you’re being nice? Maybe you should’ve tried that a couple years ago.”

This seemed to tick Jungkook off, his brows furrowing and his lips curling in a spiteful frown.

“Well sorry I didn’t want your pathetic ass trailing around behind me like a lost puppy.”

He turned to Hoseok.

“Let me give you some advice man, get out while you still can. She’s just an attention seeker and a clingy bitch. God, I can’t believe I was ever friends with you.”

Tears welled in your eyes, and before Hoseok can say anything in response, you were bolting down the street in the direction of your home, not looking behind you once.

Over the next few weeks you ignore Hoseok’s calls and texts, too embarrassed to talk to him. Over the course of the next month, you flirt with Taehyung and he ends up asking you out. You agree. He was much more confident than Hoseok and even though you didn’t feel the same relief as you did when Hobi was around, you thought that maybe getting out into the dating world would help fill up the hole that had gotten worse since you stopped hanging out with Hoseok.

Taehyung picked you up at your apartment before driving you to mini-golf. Like Hoseok, he was a perfect gentleman and the conversation was easy, but you didn’t feel the connection you had before. After letting you beat him (even though he denied it ferociously), he took you to a quiet cafe near your home. You were talking quietly about various teaching methods when you saw him.

Hoseok look tired and distraught as he dodged the barista’s attempts to flirt with him. You tried to focus on your conversation, but your eyes kept wandering back to where he was standing, waiting for his coffee. He hadn’t seemed to notice you yet and it was a fact you were thankful for. Despite the fact that you weren’t interested in Taehyung romantically, you didn’t need yet another date ruined by a ghost from your past. However, you’re luck seemed to runout when his eyes glanced over you. You could see the exact moment he understood what he was looking at.

A look of determination came over him as he grabbed his drink before beelining straight towards your table.

“Why the fuck are you ignoring me?”

You flinched at his sudden harsh words and you would’ve paid a million dollars to get swallowed up by a giant hole right then and there. Tae looked at you, obviously confused. You gulped audibly before opening your mouth.

“Hi, Hoseok.” You heard your voice shake and your will to live shrunk even smaller.

“Just answer my goddamn question, Y/N.”

You looked apologetically at Taehyung, “Can you excuse us for a moment?”

He nods, still confused.

You grabbed Hoseok’s hand and drag him outside of the coffee shop before turning to really look at him for the first time since your date. You could now clearly see how unwell he was. His lips were chapped and the dark circles under his eyes made him look almost dead. Edward looked more alive than him.

“Well?”

His voice wasn’t annoyed, just exasperated.

“I’m sorry.”

You looked up at him from under your eyelashes.

“That’s it?”

“No. I am really sorry. I shouldn’t have ignored you, I was just embarrassed. Jungkook, the guy we ran into, I used to have a thing for him and he found out and he thought I was pathetic because of it so he stopped hanging out with me. I just didn’t want you to think about me the same way he did. I..I really like you, Hoseok and I didn’t want you to hurt me like he had.”

Hoseok stared at you blankly and you felt the butterflies in your stomach begin to swarm with anxiety.

“Please say something.”

He looked at you in the eyes and you see his facial features begin to soften.

“I would never think of you as pathetic, Y/N. I’m sorry if I ever made it seem like it was even possible for me to think that. I really like you too, if you haven’t noticed and I haven’t felt this way about someone for a really long time. I just thought I had screwed up somehow, which, admittedly wouldn’t have been the first time. I just…”

You cut off his rambling by attaching your lips to his. He stood frozen in shock for a few moments before his brain registers what’s happening. He then begins to his move his mouth against yours. You felt a wave of warmth wash over you and your entire body relaxed into him. You don’t notice the heat at first, you are so consumed by the feeling of Hoseok’s lips on yours. The light is what drew your attention away from his mouth and to your arms, both of which were on fire.

You draw back in a panic, a yelp released from your mouth.

“Oh my god.”

You had set Hoseok on fire. You knew your powers would be a burden, but you had never imagined something like this would ever happen. By now, of course, Hoseok had noticed the flames too and was also in a state of panic.

“Oh shit. Oh my god, I set you on fire. Fuck, fuck fuck.”

“Wait, what?”

You pulled back.

“You set me on fire?”

Hoseok looked at you confused. It then came to both of your realisation that neither of you were screaming in pain, as one who was on fire would.

“Wait, can you…?” You looked up at Hoseok with bright eyes, “Can you light things on fire?”

Hoseok nodded slowly like he was afraid for the truth to come out. He looked down at the ground almost embarrassed.

“I can too.”

At that, his head snapped up and looked you straight in the eye.

“You’re lying.” His voice was rough, but you could hear a glimmer of hope in his undertone.

“I’m not. See.”

You lifted your hand and produced a small flame from your palm. As if in a trance, Hoseok’s own hand came out to brush the tip of the fire. When he deemed it harmless, he grasped your hand in his own and pulled you in for a hug.

“I’m not alone,” he whispers shakely.

His arms were tight around you and you once again were overwhelmed with feelings of comfort and belonging. After a long minute, he pulled away again, eyes glassy and lips curved into a shaky smile.

“Look, Y/N, I know that we haven’t known each other that long, but for the first time in my entire life, I feel like I belong somewhere and that somewhere is with you. So would you be willing to do me the honor of being my girlfriend?”

You looked up at him, eyes wide and heart open before nodding as tears began to trickle down your cheeks.

“Yes, Hoseok, I would love to.”

With that he pulled you in for a kiss, this one a bit more reckless and messy. You got caught up in how safe his arms felt and how euphoric your entire being was just because his lips were on yours. You never wanted the moment to end.

Eventually you pulled back when someone clears their throat. You find Taehyung standing outside the cafe door, looking a bit awkward.

“Uh, I’m gonna head out.”

“Oh god, Taehyung, I’m so sorry. This isn’t anything against you, I swear. You’re a really great guy-”

“It’s fine. Seriously. Look, I think your cute and I would have loved to date you, but just from looking at the two of you together, I can tell that he’s the one you should be with.”

A small smile graces your mouth at the comment.

“Thanks for being so understanding. I’m sure you’ll find the perfect girl out there somewhere.”

“Thanks. Have a great night, Y/N.”

“You too, Tae.”

With that he walks away, leaving you to sink into your new boyfriend’s arms.

You had never believed in fairytales and had a general distaste toward rom-coms. With your life being so bitter and lonely, you found it hard to believe anything close to the semblance of true love could be real. Hoseok completely flipped your world view. With him, everything was easier, lighter. If you were having troubles with work, he would be there to rant to and then take you to get a cup of coffee.

You had discussed your powers and found your experiences to remarkably similar: you both set things on fire at a young age, before gradually gaining control of it. You both had also experienced the missing feeling in your soul which had only grown with time, but most importantly, you both knew that that hole was gone as long as you were with each other.

Despite his disclaimer of not having a girlfriend since his junior year of high school, Hoseok went above and beyond in your relationship in ways that made you feel like you might be an inadequate girlfriend. The dates he planned were always fun and interesting but he also had an interesting knack for knowing when you just needed to stay in for the evening and watch movies while cuddling.

Somewhere along the line, the question of sex came in. You had barely kissed anyone before Hoseok, much less ever had sex and you were very embarrassed to admit this to him. He, however, was very understanding, and was willing to wait as long as you wanted.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he had said, “I would love to fuck you into high heavens right now, but I know that losing your virginity is scary and I don’t want you to feel any pressure whatsoever.”

You had felt much better after that and neither of you had touched the subject since. Before you knew it, you had almost been dating for a year. Your life had become the life you could only have dreamed of twelve months ago. Even Namjoon had mentioned how much happier you seemed.

You had gotten to know Hoseok’s friends as well and you often hung out as a group. You had grown especially close to Jimin, who was constantly trying to woo Hoseok’s other close friend, Yoongi.

“I just don’t understand,” he would complain to you, “I know he likes me, so why does he give me the cold shoulder all the time. We literally slept together. He had his dick inside me for fucks sake!”

“Maybe he’s just scared of commitment.”

“Scared of commitment my ass, what more could you need when you have my peach butt on demand 24/7.”

For your one year anniversary, Hoseok planned a picnic on the beach. You ate chinese takeout since neither of you could cook for shit and talked while watching the sun set over the ocean. After eating, you strolled along together, barefoot in the sand, hand in hand. You would playfully splash him with your foot and he would threaten to throw you into the chilly water. Your conversation was careless and free and your heart felt light. You wouldn’t have changed a thing, even for a million dollars. Eventually he stopped walking and pulled you to face him.

You looked up at him and giggled, but your smile dropped when you saw how serious he looked.

“What’s up?”

You felt your stomach sinking.

“I just wanted to take a moment to say how much you mean to me, Y/N. Before I met you, I didn’t even realise how shitty my life was. It was all grey and boring and sure there were times where I was happy but for the most part I was lonely and tired. And then you came in and you lit the entire thing up. The past year with you has by far been the best in my entire life. I feel so happy and free and like there isn’t a thing in the world that could change that. I love you, Y/N. I love you so fucking much and I just wanted you to know that.”

You felt the tears as they poured down your cheek. You were breathless, barely able to comprehend what he was saying.

“I love you too, Jung Hoseok.”

With that, he pulled you in for a kiss, his hands grasping your cheeks. His kissed you with such a ferocity that it felt like he was trying to transfer his soul into you. You were faintly aware of the fact that you were in public and that your bodies were probably catching on fire from the intensity, but you couldn’t find yourself to care. You just wanted to be consumed by Jung Hoseok.

You pulled away first when your lungs began to burn from the lack of air. Hoseok looked down with you and you would have to be blind not to see the pure adoration that filled his eyes.

“I have one more thing to ask.”

“Anything.”

“Will you move in with me?”

You don’t even think before nodding. And then you are kissing again. That’s when you realise you want him. All of him. You loved him and he loved you and there was no one else on the planet you would ever want to be with.

“Hoseok...I want to do it. Tonight.”

His gaze felt intense as his brown eyes met yours.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel bad about it.”

“We’ve been together for a year and I love you so fucking much Jung Hoseok. There’s no one else in the entire world I would rather do it with.”

Once he realized that you were really serious about having sex with him, his entire demeanor changed. His eyes darkened and you giggled as he grabbed your hand dragging you back to the car.

“Eager much?”

“Look, I love you, but I haven’t had sex in like a year and a half. Forgive me if I am a bit excited to finally fuck the love of my life.”

You giggled again.

Despite his eagerness before, Hoseok insisted on taking it slow. Instead of pushing you up against the wall as soon as he closed the door like you had wished, he made you sit on the couch while he “got ready”. You let him, wondering what in the world he would possibly need to change in order to have sex. Maybe he was cleaning his dick. You giggled at the thought.

However, all traces of humor were erased when Hoseok guided you by the waist to his bedroom, only for you to find the room lit up with candle light.

“Sorry that there aren’t any rose petals, but I didn’t exactly have any forewarning so I hope this works.”

“Hoseok, this is perfect. You’re perfect. I love you so much.”

With that, his lips are once again on yours and you’re being pushed back until your legs hit the bed and you fell backwards onto the plush mattress. Hoseok’s hand found your breast and he softly groped it, enticing a soft sigh from you. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Lewd smacking noises fill the room. Yearning to be closer to Hoseok’s solid body you wrapped your arms tight around his neck, and pulled him as close to you as possible.

Hoseok’s hand moved from your tit, and traveled to the hem of your sundress, where he began to draw small, teasing circles. You arched your back into him, a small moan slipping out of your mouth. His erection is pressed against your thigh, and you feel a small bubble of pride swell up in you. You had spent so much of your life doubting how you look and how you act, but here you were with a man who found you overwhelmingly attractive and on top of it, loved you with the depths of his soul.

You soon pulled away from the soft comforts of his mouth, only to tug at the hem his t-shirt before he gets the hint and removes the offensive fabric. You had seen Hoseok shirtless many times before, when he was swimming or dancing or during one of your many make-out sessions, but his broad shoulders and tight abs never failed to make you clench your thighs to together.

Hoseok noticed your stare and chuckled.

“As much as I appreciate you appreciating me, I think it’s only fair that you remove a little something too, princess.”

You felt your core tighten at the pet name, and you found yourself eagerly shrugging the dress over your head before you threw it off the bed to join Hoseok’s shirt. Your simple lace bralette and lavender cotton underwear weren’t exactly the sexiest lingerie one could wear, but the dark look in Hoseok’s eyes could have fooled you.

Then he was crawling back over you, lips attached to the side of your neck as he helplessly rutted down on your thigh. Your threw your head back in a moan when he bit down on a particular sensitive spot near the juncture of your neck and shoulder. Expletives fell from your lips as pleasure clouded your mind and you felt the wetness in your panties soak through the flimsy material.

One of Hoseok’s callused hands managed to make its way down your side before it resumed its place on the inside of your thigh. This time he moved them slowly upwards until you could swear you could feel the heat of his fingertips through your underwear. He lightly pressed on your clit, testing the waters before your soft gasp led him to add more pressure, rubbing in gentle circles. You whined at the motion, the unfamiliar feeling of someone else touching you there sent you into a heated frenzy.

“Fuck, princess, you’re so wet. Is this all for me?”

The low timbre of Hoseok’s voice rendered you speechless and you could only whine in response. He pushed the cotton aside before he  continued his previous motions. The direct contact almost felt too much, your nerve endings on fire. Your fingernails dug into the bare skin of Hoseok’s back and he let out a low growl in response. He removed his fingers from your core, leaving you a whimpering mess in his wake. His fingers found their way to the clasp of your bra before swiftly undoing it. The moment the garment left your body, insecurity flowed through you. You resisted the urge to cover up your exposed chest with your arms. Hoseok seemed to notice the doubt in your eyes and in response, smiled down at you.

“It’s okay, princess. You’re fucking perfect. There’s nothing you need to worry about.”

His words soothed you and you relaxed as his palm slowly grazed against the side of your breast. You felt his lips slowly kiss down your chest before wrapping around your nipple. The sensation was completely foreign to you and your brain completely blanked as his warm tongue delivered soft licks. His fingers came to pinch the other nipple and you let out a high pitched moan in surprise.

He soon abandoned you breasts in favor of kissing down your abdomen. Your skin tingle and his touch only served to further electrify you. Upon reaching the hem of your panties, he kissed around the edge of the band before he grasped it with his teeth. Your lustful gaze followed him as he drug the fabric down your legs at an infuriating pace. Once the underwear had joined the ever growing pile of clothes, his lips attached themselves to the inside of your thighs, leaving small, deliberate bites that you were sure would become purple marks by morning. He moved himself to comfortably sit between your legs before glancing up at you with dark eyes.

“Is this okay? I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

You whine.

“Yes, it’s fine, just please touch me.”

Permission granted, he dove in, taking a tentative lick, before the soft lips that you loved so much wrapped around your clit. He moaned at the taste and you threw your head back, unable to comprehend how you got so lucky as to have this beautiful man, laying before you, eating you out like there wasn’t a finer meal in the world.

“Princess, you taste like honey. I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me all these months.”

Words failed you and you responded by clenching your thighs around his head, trying to bring him closer to you. Your eyes shot open when you felt the tip of his finger gently prod at your entrance, before he slowly slipped inside. You looked down to find him gazing at you intently, trying to gage your reaction. You gave a small nod of encouragement before leaning back into the pillow. Hoseok’s finger grazed your walls just the right way and you began to feel the start of a knot forming in your lower belly.

When he deemed you ready, he slipped in a second finger to join the first and this time the stretch was a bit more painful. Once you adjusted, pleasure sang through your body and the knot began to tighten.

“Hoseok,” you eked out, “I think I’m gonna cum.”

“Yeah, baby? Well then go ahead, let it go.”

It took only a couple more well aimed thrusts of his fingers, before your core tightened around him and white hot euphoria blinded you. If you were anymore coherent, you might have been worried about his neighbors hearing your scream, but your mind is instead a foggy mess and the only thing you could think about is how much you want him inside your pussy.

After you recovered, you dragged Hoseok up to meet his lips with your own, while your hands traveled down to his belt, quickly undoing the buckle. You reached your hand into his boxers to give him a few encouraging strokes, to find him nearly fully hard. He eagerly pushed down his tight jeans and taking his underwear off with them.

“Are you one hundred percent sure about this?”

“A thousand.”

With that, he reached up to grab a condom from his bedside drawer and quickly rolled it on. You felt him line up with you and you began to feel a little nervous. Would it hurt? How much and for how long? Hoseok catched your apprehension, and reached up to gently caress your cheek.

“Hey, it’s okay love. I’ll go slow and if it hurts just let me know. It’s all about communication.”

You nodded, your nerves calmed a little. True to his word, he pushed in slowly. The stretch was indeed painful and you winced slightly at the sting. Hoseok’s hand never left your cheek, wiping away the couple tears that fell. Once he was fully seated inside you, he stopped.

“Let me know when I can move. Take all the time in the world.”

“Okay.”

He leaned down to kiss you and you stay like that for a few minutes: his lips on yours, his cock connecting you in the most intimate way possible. There was a magical feeling to it, like all the stars in the heavens had aligned in just the right way. Everything felt perfect and you never wanted to leave his bed ever again.

Eventually, the painful stretch turned into a dull burn and you gave him the go ahead to move. He started slowly, thrusts steady and strong. You let out little moans as the rest of the ache fades into a delicious pleasure. The feeling seems to be catching up to Hoseok too, because he began to lose his rhythm, releasing little groans along the way.

“Fuck, princess, you feel so good. I never wanna leave your pussy, baby.”

“Hoseok, shit, keep going. Faster, baby, faster.”

He heeded your demand and his thrusts speed up, leaving you a mess underneath him. All you could do was moan, nails digging into his back. Your feet locked around his waist in an a desperate attempt to pull him closer to you. Your cries were getting louder and his grunts had turned into moans. The knot once again began to form in your abdomen.

“Fuck, Hoseok, I’m gonna cum soon.”

“Me too, princess, me too. Fuck, you feel so good.”

Neither of you noticed the fire beginning to burn, too caught up in your embrace. It started in your hands and moved up your arms and to your chest. The heat from the flames only fueled your pleasure, your sea of euphoria drawing back to form the tsunami that is your approaching orgasm. Hoseok’s thrusts began to stutter, balls tightening, moans reaching their peak crescendo.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum. Come with me, princess. Fuck, I’m gonna, I’m gonna…”

With that your both reach your peak, your pussy clamped down on him while he filled the condom. The flames intensified, as if your climax was their own personal brand of fuel. The euphoria that washed through both of your minds is so intense that you can’t even remember your own names. As the waves begin to calm, all you can think of is Hoseok before your mind faded to black.

You blink awake only to be greeted with harsh white light. You couldn’t remember much, other than passing out after having the best orgasm of your life. You quickly come to the realization that you are no longer in Hoseok’s bed or even his apartment. Instead, you are sitting in a plush chair, that is not entirely unlike a throne. The floral sundress you were wearing at the beach is replaced with what you can only describe as the most luxurious sheet you have ever felt forming a makeshift toga of sorts.

What the hell? you think.

As your eyes finally adjust more fully to light, you find that Hoseok is sitting next you in a chair and donning a toga similar to your own. The chairs are placed at a grand marble table which is in the center of grand marble room. The roof seems to be made of glass and behind it, the source of the blinding light shines through. Across from you sits a being, who seems not to ascribe to gender but rather transcends it to become (objectively) the most beautiful human being you have ever seen.

Hobi is the first to speak, as you are too lost to form words.

“Where the fuck are we?”

The being across from you chuckles at his question, mouth opening to show glowing white teeth.

“Ah, such harsh words. I forget how crass the human mind is. You are in what I like to call a transitional space.”

“A what?”

This time it is you who asks the question.

“A transitional space.”

“Transition between what?”

Despite your question, you’re beginning to feel a sinking feeling in your stomach.

“Between this life and the next. This room exists only for us to talk and once you leave, it will never exist again.”

“Wait, go back. What were you saying about our lives?”

Judging by the look on his face, Hoseok is slowly coming to the same conclusion that you have.

“You, my loves, are dead. During the final moments of your consummation of your love, the fire that burned quietly in your soul for the duration of your life finally consumed you and left you as nothing but ashes on white sheets.”

And there it was. You were dead. You had no idea why and you had no idea who this person or thing was, but something told you that this was part of something much bigger than you would’ve ever imagined.

“And who are you?”

Hoseok looks surprisingly resigned. During the course of your relationship, you had noticed that Hoseok didn’t take well to drastic change, yet here in this room, facing the most drastic change of all, he didn’t even bother to frown.

“I am Fatum, better know to you English speakers as Fate. And you are my children.”

Both of your eyes go wide. Fate looks calmly back at you and you become faintly aware that their irises slowly change color like the colorful LED lights on Hoseok’s car stereo.

“You and your deaths are part of a saga that has been drawn out over many eons. Once long ago, I had a lover, Ordo. They were my single purpose in life, the focus of all my energy. But sadly, good things rarely last forever in this universe, and they ended up betraying me. I had no choice but to destroy them. Instead of getting rid of them completely, I took their soul, combined it with a part of mine and split it in two. Those two new souls are you.

“You became my pride and joy and slowly the pain I felt about Ordo’s loss was replaced with my abundance of love for you. In fact, I became so attached to you that I made it impossible for your souls to ever be destroyed, even by me. But then you grew older. You became wary of me and began to act out. In the end, you followed in Ordo’s footsteps betraying me and my work for the good of the universe.

“This time, however, I could not destroy you like I had with Ordo. My blind adoration for you prevented that and so I cursed you instead. For the past several eons, you have been cast onto Earth in the form of humans. Since you are technically the same soul split into two bodies, separation for long periods of time is quite emotionally draining. Lucky for you, I cursed you so that you would eventually find each other and in the presence of your other half, find the most euphoric happiness ever known.”

“Excuse me if I don’t understand how that would be considered a curse?”

Fatum turns to face you and you shiver as his eyes seem to bore through your soul, the very one he supposedly created.

“Well, you see my love, your happiness has a...let’s call it an expiration date. Humans, the silly things, always seem to succumb to intercourse when they discover who they believe to be the love of their lives. You two are certainly no exception. Your curse comes in the form of death during the...uh...climax of your first time together. You then come back here to meet me, where I have explained this story to you a thousand times over.”

“And then what?”

“And then, Hoseok, I send you back to Earth to reborn yet again as another human only to live out the same fate.”

Fatum chuckles at their own joke.

“What about the fire?”

“The fire, my dear, is the only part of your former form that you retain. Before taking the form of an infinite number of humans, you were what you people call phoenixes. Your fire resides in your soul, which you know I cannot touch. In fact, that is where I got the inspiration for your curse. You know, the whole bursting into flames before being reborn schtick.”

“Yeah, yeah, we know. What now?”

Hoseok seemed to be getting impatient with Fatum’s long story. He wasn’t good at sitting still for long periods of time and you had been sitting here for, well, you didn’t exactly know, time was somewhat elusive in this interdimensional space, but it seemed like very long.

“You get reborn obviously.”

The smile Fatum offered looked like an attempt offer a kind reprieve to the crazy story that had been forced down your throat, but it came off as chilling and a shiver was sent down your spine as a result. And then the world faded to black once more.

The fall air was chilly and you were forever grateful for warmed air of the local cafe. It was mid-October and the weather had just begun to cool off from the intense heat leftover from summer, but the mornings were just nippy enough to make you reach for an extra jacket and scarf.

Despite being seven-thirty on a Saturday morning, there was still a bit of line, and you distracted yourself by looking around the quiet cafe you had come to love. Now in your second year of college, you found that the atmosphere provided the peace you needed to study, unlike the library near your dorm. Despite strict rules to keep the noise down, there was always someone breaking them.

You finally made it to the front of the line, only to be greeted by an unfamiliar face. You frequented the place enough to know all the staff, yet before you stood a boyishly, handsome man with the brightest smile you had ever scene. Something about him struck you as familiar, but you brushed off the feeling, dismissing it as your intuition going crazy from lack of sleep.

“Hi,” he greeted you, “I’m Hoseok, what can I get for ya?”

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. Please feel free to leave feedback. My inbox is always open to anyone. If you would like to help me determine where I head from here in terms of writing, here's a link to a survey. Thanks for reading. 

[kookingtae]

falling into you (pt. 5)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 6 | pt. 7

→scenario: Jungkook’s innocence is like a breath of fresh air in your wild life, and though you know you’re toxic for him, you just can’t seem to stay away.

→genre: college au, slow burn, mutual pining, shy/nerd jk + bad girl oc (mature themes)

→word count: 12k+

Jungkook couldn't get the feeling of her lips out of his mind.

Here he was laying in bed at 4:23 in the morning, tossing and turning in an attempt to get comfortable with the one sliver of knowledge that was eating him alive like the aftereffects of a plague: he had his very first kiss. And not only that—he had it with Y/N.

To say he was stunned would be putting it lightly. Hell, he felt like he had an out-of-body experience the moment her mouth touched his. Words couldn't even begin to describe the sensation, and too many different emotions were running through his body that he didn't know which to process, so unbelievably overwhelmed by everything that had happened. And though he was expecting to hate her for what she did, words of how dare you make me feel this way! stuck on the tip of his tongue after seeing with his own two eyes who she really was, how she acted at parties and treated the many men who flocked to her in hopes that they would be the one to change her ways and spend more than a fleeting hour with her, he couldn't.

He couldn’t hate her, because he found himself completely, hopelessly, undeniably falling for her. And it was like nothing he'd ever experienced in his entire life.

On one hand, he couldn't stop berating himself over how stupid he was. This is what Y/N does! She would catch people in the stickiness of her web and spin them around and around until they were trapped in her silk, and then she would devour their hearts and leave them there, as good as dead while she moved on to the next guy. He knew if he wasn't careful he would become her next victim, left helpless to her many tortures until she grew tired of him as well and abandoned him without so much as a nice knowing you.

But he couldn't find it in himself to stop.

Because she had kissed him, she had actually kissed him, and the more Jungkook thought about the feeling of her lips—so soft and light in pressure against his and tasting of nothing but a flavor that was so brilliantly her—the more he felt his mind delve deeper into the abyss of insanity without so much as a care in the world. He allowed himself to live on cloud nine just this once while he was in the safety of his dorm, tucked away inside the comfort of his bed and surrounded by nothing but the black emptiness and silence of his room, the two qualities he'd grown the most fond of in his escapade of bliss. Nothing could take this moment away from him, nothing, and so he let his hand wander to where it usually did when he thought about Y/N at times like these: his pants.

He visibly shuddered at the feeling of his fingers curling around his member that was already straining against his boxers with a painful erection, allowing himself to fully give in to his temptations and needs since he was now alone. There was no one around to make him feel ashamed, embarrassed; there wasn't a crippling anxiety clawing away at his insides that prohibited him from listening to his inner desires and doing what he so desperately wanted: to truly be himself.

So, he took advantage of the fact that he had a practically nonexistent roommate (he couldn't have gotten luckier with that one), and he started pleasuring himself.

There was no doubt that he would finish quickly—he had the feeling of Y/N's lips still fresh on his own, for crying out loud—and that was enough to not only arouse him physically, but emotionally tenfold. He was in a constant state of disbelief (he had already pinched himself tonight to see if he was dreaming more times than he'd like to admit), and with that came a stumped mind that wanted, desperately needed to process everything. He had spent the majority of the night on the floor with his back pressed up against the door after practically flinging himself beyond the threshold of his room, gasps of breath falling from his parted lips while he took in the sheer impossibility of what just happened. There was nothing he could say to calm himself down, because he didn't know what to think; he couldn't even remember how to think. It was as if she had snapped a wire in his brain the second she kissed him that caused an overall shortage, sparks of electricity firing within the organ and sending every fiber of his being ablaze until there was nothing—nothing but the sizzling sensation that imbedded the constant reminder of just how much she affected him into his lips. He knew this wasn't normal, even for him. He knew he wouldn't act this way if it had been anyone else.

He knew it was because of her.

"Y/N..." He allowed himself to whimper out her name as his hand continued to pump the smooth skin of his length, to pretend if only for a moment that she was here and he was beneath her, over her, inside her, even if he knew the emotional pain that it would bring him later. He would come to his senses and realize the stupidity of his actions, even kick himself for letting things get this far, but for now, he didn't care. Because he had kissed her, he had fucking kissed her, and that was enough to make his heart climax for the rest of his life.

"Ah!" He bucked his hips and winced as his orgasm took over, showering his bare chest in the thoughts of her that produced this liquid seed and covering his skin yet again with the dewy reminder of just how deep he really was into this situation.

When had he become so god damn emotional?

While he was cleaning himself up, he couldn't help but notice the exceedingly short amount of time it took for him to finish—shorter than he originally anticipated, to say the least. And while his orgasms usually approached him rapidly and forcefully when he thought of her, he knew this one was enhanced because of the events from earlier tonight.

He knew he was wasting his time—there was no way in hell Y/N was up at almost five in the morning thinking about him—and after this, he was going to get his soul obliterated into a thousand tiny shards sharp enough to cut through glass. But this day marked the day of Jeon Jungkook's demise; his logical mind had officially been overrun by his emotional heart, and as he was rolling over onto his side and finally drifting off to sleep, the only thing that he could dream of was the feeling of Y/N's lips.

•••

"Wait, so let me get this straight. You... kissed him? And that's it?"

"Yes," you exclaimed, your head on cloud nine and your heart among the stars as you sat around a blazing bonfire with your friends in the middle of Jimin's backyard.

Lynn stared back at you, obviously perplexed. "...How?"

You simply rolled your eyes, though it was impossible for the smile to be wiped from your face, the expression having been a constant feature since the moment his lips left yours. "I can go out with a guy and not sleep with him, Lynn. It's not impossible."

Your friend tutted, "Could've fooled me."

But you were too ecstatic to let her negativity drag you down. Never had you experienced anything so rich, so right as the feeling of Jungkook's lips on yours. Sure, the kiss didn't last long—he pulled away once the first few seconds of shock wore off��but it was a kiss nonetheless, an actual kiss with the boy who wouldn't even look into your eyes and fled from you every chance he got when you first met. And the sensation was much better than any lustful pleasure you had ever exchanged with a random stranger or attractive acquaintance; it didn't even come close. You had never experienced anything like that—a physical action that stirred such strong emotion within the depths of your core and heart. Feelings were something you’ve made sure to avoid and run away from these past four years, but with Jungkook... you found yourself wanting to embrace them.

So you simply nibbled on your bottom lip and shifted towards the other conversation taking place around the circle of the fire, your limbs practically bursting with the desire to just talk about him to someone, anyone who would listen.

"Are you sure you aren't just acting this way because you see him as a challenge?" Kate's words were suddenly dragging you back down to earth and the air around you that was filled with smoke from three different sources: the bowl Lynn was currently cherrying from Namjoon's hit, the cigarette hanging from Yoongi's lips, and the giant bonfire in the center of the circle that you all made with your chairs.

"Excuse me?" You scrunched your eyebrows in disbelief and directed your full attention to your friend.

"Oh come on, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about," Kate chuckled in an attempt to maintain the lighthearted nature between the two of you when she saw your mood starting to turn sour. "The guy is different than what you're used to—a mystery you can't solve. Don't you think you may be eyeing him as a prize you'll receive at the end of the game?" Her eyebrow was raised into her hairline questioningly.

You could barely even pull yourself together enough to scoff. "Jungkook is a human being, not some object to be won," you furiously corrected her.

But she simply shrugged. "All I'm saying is that I know you. Every time you show any genuine interest in a guy—which is extremely rare, mind you—it goes away as soon as you fuck him."

You were fuming at this point, smoke practically shooting from your ears to add a fourth source of substance in the air as you stared your friend down, your mind trying to compute the sheer audacity of her words before you were quickly yanking the bowl out of Lynn's hands and taking a hit of whatever was already lit from her turn. You let the substance fill your lungs, inhaling so deeply that your chest began to burn from the inside out though you welcomed the pain, let it distract you and keep your mouth occupied from starting an argument, because only you knew your true feelings, not Kate. You knew how the beautiful boy had somehow managed to flip your entire world upside down from the moment you met him; you knew how he was making you question your lifestyle—something you always took pride in, something no one had ever done before. And right when you were about to snap, about to stand up and speak your thoughts and give Kate a piece of your mind, your eyes met Yoongi's from across the flames.

You pulled away from the ceramic piece and slowly exhaled the smoke through your lips and nose, a brooding expression on your face as he silently stared back at you. His expression said it all: over the loud conversation to his right booming from Taehyung and Hoseok, he had heard your interaction with Kate, saw it all with his heavy-lidded eyes that were always cool and calculating, never giving away any internal feelings.

But you could read him.

After all those nights spent gazing at him from across the shared pillow that your face had been shoved into mere minutes beforehand from the power of his thrusts, the daze of lust cleared from the air and leaving nothing but your true selves stripped bare and vulnerable to expose every demon that you both possessed, you had learned to read him.

And sometimes, you wished you hadn't.

"Y/N." Your name was but another sound in the smoke as it left Yoongi's lips, the toe of his shoe digging into the dirt to put out his finished cigarette. "Do you wanna go for a walk?"

His words were a question but his tone was level, commanding, as if he was giving you the option though you never really had a choice.

So you simply nodded and handed the bowl back to Lynn before rising to your feet, your hands shoved into the deep pockets of your hoodie as you followed your friend through the large backyard until you were stepping onto the black cement and starting your walk down the desolate street.

"So you kissed him." His monotonous voice finally rung out among the silence, and you were thankful that he didn't start off the conversation about your dispute with Kate. "I'm assuming that means the date went well, then?"

You nodded, and at the memory of your time spent bowling with Jungkook you couldn't help but smile. "It went better than well," you replied softly, though the happiness in your tone couldn't be hidden. "I picked him up and we went to the bowling alley and he–"

"Wait, bowling alley?" There was an amused chuckle that fell from his lips as he interrupted your words. "Please tell me this is some strange euphemism for smoking out of a bowl."

"Bowling is an actual sport, thank you very much!" You scoffed, though you knew you were just defending the younger boy's interest. "He was practically a pro at it."

Yoongi simply tutted, "Okay, I'll be sure to invite him to my 12 year old cousin’s birthday party."

You wanted to laugh along with your friend—after all, you initially had the same thought when the location for your date had been chosen, though you were just thankful to get a date at all—but you couldn't help but grow defensive. "Yes it's... different than our usual activities," you tilted your head contemplatively while rounding the corner of the cul-de-sac and starting onto the next street. "But that's what I like about him. Jungkook is different."

"Okay, okay, I get it." Yoongi held up his hands in joking surrender. "Did he seem into it as well or did he still shit his pants every time you went in a ten foot radius of him?"

"Yoongi!" You scolded with a light smack on his shoulder. "He seemed a bit better... he got into the car with me, after all."

Your tone was full of amusement though you couldn't help but think of the truth in them; before, you were lucky if Jungkook even acknowledged your presence or responded when you spoke to him. Now you had been in his dorm room, worn his sweatshirt, gone on a date with him and even kissed him. Sure it wasn't the fastest moving relationship you'd ever had—in fact, the slow rate at which things were progressing actually scared you. But things were progressing nonetheless, and for Jungkook you were willing to wait as long as he needed.

"You make it seem like you're this horrible monster who doesn't deserve his attention," Yoongi chuckled at the thought.

You simply tutted, though you could feel your spirits plummeting lower and lower by the second at the thought. "I don't," you mumbled quietly, more to yourself than to the boy next to you.

At that, Yoongi skidded to a halt. The slight haze in your mind from the illegal substance you inhaled just moments prior caused you to register the movement a tad later than usual, and it wasn't until you were glancing over your shoulder with a confused frown as to where your friend had gone that you stopped and turned around.

"What?"

"Y/N, you do realize that you owe nothing to that guy, right?" His voice was full of incredulous disbelief, as if he couldn't even fathom you thinking otherwise. "You barely even know him."

"That's not true," you meekly defended, though you knew there was no use. As much as you didn't like to admit it, the only things you knew about Jungkook were things that you pushed him to tell you, practically forcing the information out through torturous tactics as well as practically forcing your lips onto his. Had he wanted the kiss at all? Judging by the way he stumbled away and flung himself into the dormitory without saying a single word to you, your guess was no.

Yoongi simply shrugged and shook his head. "I'm not gonna get into it with you because I don't know what you guys have gone through, but all I'm saying is you're free to do absolutely whatever you want without feeling guilty about it. You two aren't together."

It was silent as you pondered his words, and despite the little voice in that back of your head that wanted to protest and argue and defend your feelings for Jungkook, you knew that he was right. These were the same ideals that you prided yourself on day in and day out; you couldn't be controlled or owned by anybody. You would never throw away your ideology just because it didn't measure up to somebody else's, and you would never let anyone shame you for it. You were free to live your life how you pleased.

That being said, you've never valued someone's opinion as much as you valued Jungkook's, and over time you only found yourself caring more and more about what the brilliant freshman thought of you.

"But I want to be..." you trailed off, your voice so small that it was barely audible even to Yoongi right next to you, but once his ears registered the words his lips were turning down in a sympathetic frown.

"I know," he sighed, and then his arm was wrapping around your side and pulling you into his chest. His embrace was comforting, supportive, though it felt nothing like Jungkook's and you couldn't help but compare the two sensations since your mind wouldn't shut the fuck up about him.

The two of you stood like that on the side of the road for a while, nothing but the silence that came along with the crisp night air filling the space around you until his voice was stirring the still moment. "I promise," he started, and already you were pulling away to look at him with furrowed brows because you didn’t think you've ever heard your friend begin a sentence like that, "that if I see Jungkook again, whether that be at a party or over by the tree, I'll make an effort to befriend him."

Now you really were pulling away in confusion. "Befriend him?"

"Yes," he answered matter-of-factly. "You know, talk to him—be nice to him. It would help if he knows that not all your friends are a bunch of idiotic douchebags."

You couldn't help but laugh at his choice of words. "And you don't think you fall into that category?"

Yoongi shrugged cockily. "I'm the only one you slept with, aren't I?"

Your laughter fell to silence at his words, and as much as you didn't want the situation to turn awkward because that goes against everything that you stand for, it did. Because the one thing ringing in the forefront of your mind was how he had offered to start your fling again that day on the picnic bench in the woods.

You knew it had just been a casual offering—Yoongi's lack of commitment and laid-back attitude left little room for things to bother him if you declined—though the timing and manner that he went about it couldn't help but leave this impression on you.

"You have beach week to thank for that," you settled on saying, knowing it was the endless amount of drugs and alcohol in your system that night that led you into the arms of one of your friends, "not the fact that you're any less of an idiotic douchebag."

Yoongi opened his mouth in a playfully silent scoff as if you had offended him.

"Your choice of words, not mine." You quickly held up your hand in defense.

The mood thankfully returned to a light one as you continued to walk down the street in a comfortable silence. Yoongi wasn't a man of many words, and that was something you liked about him. He didn't feel the need to fill every moment with constant chatter, and that fact alone was very refreshing after hanging out with your boisterous group of friends.

It reminded you of Jungkook. Though you shouldn't have been surprised; a lot of things did these days.

"We should start heading back," Yoongi sighed as his steps slowed to a stop, his hands digging into the pockets of his jacket no doubt in search of his pack of cigarettes. "They're probably wondering where we are."

"I couldn’t care less," you grumbled beneath your breath, more to yourself than to your friend as you kicked around a pebble on the ground with the toe of your shoe.

Yoongi simply looked at you. "Y/N," he sighed, bringing a cigarette to his lips and cupping his hand over the lighter to ignite the flame. You watched as the end of the stick became engulfed in a spark of orange that sizzled and embedded into the tobacco. "You shouldn't let Kate get to you. You know how she is," he continued while a puff of smoke filled the air.

You simply tutted as the two of you started walking back towards the house. "That's what makes it worse. I know what she's capable of; I mean she's one of my best friends. Why would she try to get under my skin like that?"

"Did you really expect anything less?" Yoongi looked at you with an expression that said come on, Y/N. This is Kate we're talking about.

"Yeah, yeah," you brushed him off with a sigh. "It's just—it makes me so mad. I wouldn't care if it were any other guy; I mean you know we trade off or share them all the time, no big deal. But Jungkook is different. I don't know how to convince her of that because nobody seems to fucking believe me."

"I mean, you do have quite the track record," Yoongi admitted with an uneasy yet amused expression when you turned to glare at him. "Hey, I'm just saying," he held up his hands defensively.

"Yeah, you don't think I know that?" You huffed out. "I get reminded of it enough when I'm with Jungkook. He seems to think I'm the devil incarnate."

"Ah, he'll come around," Yoongi brushed it off with a wave of his hand through the air. "As for Kate, she may be a bit more difficult. I say you just avoid her like the plague."

You gave him another look as if the say, really. "Can't you just, I don't know, distract her or something? Just so she's not trying to hop on his dick every time they're in the same vicinity."

Yoongi took a drag of his cigarette. "Sorry, I only fuck one person per friend group," he responded on exhale.

You rolled your eyes at his sarcasm. "Yoong, I'm serious."

"I know you are. Why do you think I always butt in every time she looks like she's about to put a fork in him and have her next meal? I was helping you that day you brought him over to the tree."

You let out a sigh. "I know you were, and I thank you for that." He was right; he did more to aid your situation with Jungkook than you gave him credit for, including the advice on how to ask the skittish boy out on a proper date.

Yoongi glanced over at you before speaking again. "You know, why don't you tell the others about this as well? I'm sure with all of our strength combined, we can hold her back from jumping him."

You couldn't help but let out a tut of amusement before shaking your head, the sight of Jimin's house coming into view as you turned into the cul-de-sac. "I think I'm just gonna let it be. They'll get the hint that I'm serious about him once he starts coming around more often."

"Oh, babe, they already do. I'm pretty sure everyone lost their shit the day you turned down a bowl pack."

This time you actually chuckled. "You make it seem like I'm a full blown addict."

Yoongi simply shrugged. "If the shoe fits," and it was the last words spoken before you approached your friends.

"God, what took so long?" Lynn's voice was thick with smoke and boomed across the fire pit as the two of you took your respective seats. "Trouble getting it up, Yoong?"

"We were talking. I had to finish my cigarette," Yoongi swiftly covered for you as he tossed the butt into the fire.

"Wouldn't that be great, Y/N?" Taehyung got your attention to include you in the conversation. "We were thinking about going to a club this Friday instead of a party."

"Yeah, aren't you tired of seeing some of the same people at every place?" Hoseok chimed in to help convince you.

You definitely didn't need convincing. Skipping out on a night at a frat party would save you from having constant run-ins with people that you've slept with in the past. It's gotten you in trouble on more than one occasion, though the encounter that stuck out the most in your mind was the one that caused Jungkook to flee the scene and ignore you for two weeks.

"Yeah, I'm game," you answered with a shrug of your shoulders.

After all, you were trying to start anew with the beautiful boy. And what better way to do that than a change of scenery?

•••

Fireworks.

That's the blinding sensation Jungkook felt when he saw Y/N for the first time after her lips touched his.

He hadn't been looking for her—he swore, he hadn't—but it was just by mere coincidence that his feet led him past the old oak tree where he just so happened to know she spent her time at this particular time of day.

He felt like he was going insane. In what world would he actually go out of his way to look for her? He quickly shook his head to himself. That’s clearly not what he was doing. He just so happened to take this route today because he needed... books! From the library. For his art class tonight. Art books, of course.

He was screwed.

“Jungkook!” He heard her voice call out to him before he saw her, and the light timbre of her tone sounded like the chime of the wind, spinning and swirling in different melodies that danced around him in one grand symphony of euphonious chords that he swore in that moment he wanted to hear for the rest of his life, from the second he woke up to the moment he fell asleep.

In short, her voice saying his name was the best sound he’s ever heard in his entire life.

He halted in his steps—not even his feet betrayed him this time, but instead his heart—and turned towards the one source that he knew would have him melting like putty in the palm of her hand in a way that he’s never experienced before. He had always been so stubborn, so strict in his ways and set on his ideals, though the girl who stood before him possessed the ability to strip him bare so that every insecurity and vulnerability he’s ever felt in his entire life was visible to the naked eye. No human being should ever have that much power over him, and yet here she was, smiling that radiant beam in all of her glory in a way that made Jungkook question if she had actually, genuinely been innocent this entire time and truthfully wasn’t aware of the effect she had on him.

Maybe he had misjudged her all along. Maybe she didn’t have a clue.

“Hi,” he forced himself to speak—and by forced, he just opened his mouth and let his vocal chords do the rest, because his internal being seemed to have a mind of its own these days.

A light, dusty pink shade akin to a soft velvet rose crept across the apples of her cheeks, and thank god it wasn’t Jungkook’s turn to speak because he would have surely been made a mute man at the sight of her actually blushing over him.

“Hi,” she responded, her tone small, demeanor timid, and if the young boy didn’t know any better he would’ve never thought this was the same girl who he’d heard all those incriminating rumors about. “Um, how’ve you been?”

Better, now that you’re here, he wanted to say—what the fuck? “Fine,” he answered, a response as polished and tame as always. “And you?”

There was a moment of silence as she stared at him, her gaze soft, tender, as if she was memorizing the color wheel that spun in the irises and made up the intricacies of his warm, chocolate brown eyes. “Fine,” she parted her lips to reply, and then the faint, distant smile on her features reappeared.

Jungkook didn’t know how to handle this new Y/N. He didn’t know how to handle any Y/N, but at least the bold, confident, persistent Y/N was what he was accustomed to. But this—this soft-spoken, blushing, timid Y/N—this was new. And once again he was left out of his comfort zone, thrown overboard into the tumultuous and raging sea without so much as a life vest and completely lost, as if he was meeting her for the very first time all over again. Just went he thought that his logical, analytical mind had finally started to crack her beautiful enigma, she surprised him yet again.

“Um...” she stalled, seeming to get lost in her thoughts as she looked away to blink and clear her throat before turning back to him. “How was the rest of your weekend?”

The rest of your weekend—a key reminder that she had been with him a huge portion of his Friday night that ended with not only a handshake, which he‘d only recently worked up the courage to do, but a kiss. He kissed her, Jungkook had, and his eyes were immediately drawn towards the pink supple flesh of her lips that moved with each dulcet sound and word that left her mouth.

As if trained like one of Pavlov’s dogs, his member in his pants instinctively twitched, the memory of their kiss sparking the reaction out of him (thanks to all those late nights he stayed up thinking about her) and causing him to get painfully and undeniably hard.

He had just popped a boner while standing directly in front of Y/N over the mere thought of her lips.

Thankfully, her eyes were fixated on his face; though maybe that only made matters worse, because her brows were instantly furrowing at the way sheer mortification slowly twisted onto his features.

“What’s wrong?” She quickly asked, and Jungkook was torn between wanting to push her away and run to his dorm room as fast as his legs would take him to live out a long, happy life of hermitage, or to kiss her again.

Hermitage it was.

“Jungkook!” She was shouting his name as he turned to run away, and all thoughts of taking a new name and making a new life for himself instantly vanished the second her hand made contact with his arm.

Burning. That’s what the flesh felt like where her bare skin met his, and god damn it if his erection didn’t grow to its full size when any part of his body was under her touch.

“Stop!” He quickly cried out, desperate at this point to get away from her or at least adjust the crotch of his jeans, for god’s sake!, when she suddenly released his arm.

And that’s when he booked it to the nearest restroom in hopes of some relief.

•••

He hated you.

He absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt hated you. And there was nothing you could do about it.

You’ve tried everything over the past couple of months. You’ve greeted him outside his classes. You’ve walked with him—in silence, no less!—to let him feel at ease with your presence. You’ve invited him to parties, asked him out on dates, you even took him out on one that ended in a kiss! Sure, it was the shortest, most innocent kiss you’ve ever experienced in your entire life, but it was also the best one because it came from him. And that meant more to you than some heated make out session any day.

That’s why it was so hard to let this go—not that it was any easier when you first met him, either. There was just something about this boy that drove you completely mad with a lovesick insanity. You couldn’t get him out of your mind, no matter how many times rejection kicked you in the ass.

It would be different if it were pure refusal. If Jungkook blatantly told you that he wanted nothing to do with you and asked you to leave him alone for the rest of his life, you would. It would suck, but you would respect his wishes. The thing was, it wasn’t. You caught glimpses of the real Jungkook, saw a spark in his eye or the hint of a beam on his lips that would squeeze your heart in the clutches of his fingers (that you so badly wanted intertwined with your own) and send it soaring among the clouds and stars above, and you knew you couldn’t let him go.

Because all Jungkook had up around his heart was a colossal, unyielding wall that was made of solid steel and reached the tops of mountains to keep out everyone around him for fear of being vulnerable. And you were going to knock it down.

Which is why you were all smiles when you greeted him outside of his art class despite him having literally fled from your presence mere hours beforehand.

“Hey,” you said, taking a small step forward. You knew he probably didn’t want to see you, which was why you self-consciously tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and drew your jacket closed tighter over your torso as the night breeze rustled through the nearby trees. “How was class?”

Jungkook looked surprised to see you—though it was a vast improvement from the ‘deer in headlights’ expression you used to receive from him. “H–hey,” he spoke, instantly shoving his hands into the pocket of his jeans and casting his gaze down to the sidewalk below. “Class was fine.”

You nodded and scuffed the tip of your boots against the pavement absentmindedly. “You left pretty quickly earlier today.”

At this, Jungkook chewed on his bottom lip, and if you were looking closely—which you always were—you could just make out the hint of a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

God, he was so adorable it hurt.

“Yeah, I uh, I had to get to the library,” he finally answered, and you knew it was a lie but you didn’t call him out on it. He didn’t need an excuse to leave your presence; he was free to do whatever he wanted. Though the thought of him dreading every second by your side made your heart sink in your chest.

“So uh,” you started down the sidewalk towards his dorms, knowing that if you didn’t lead the way he would just run off towards them anyways. “Do you have any plans for this Friday?”

At this, you could see his body tense up out of the corner of your eye. Was the thought of your date last weekend really that traumatizing for him?

There was a breath of silence before he spoke. “I was gonna study,” he answered, though in that moment a sound of amusement, a small, single tut fell from his lips as he quickly glanced at you with what you swore was a wry smile.

Your heart almost stopped beating entirely.

You craved for when he showed small glimpses of himself like this—when he wasn’t so uptight and worried about what to say or do and so nervous that he instinctively clammed up. Even though it was just something small, it gave you hope. And for Jungkook, you would hang onto any little sliver of hope he’d give you.

“‘Was’ being the keyword there,” you grinned, your shoulder lightly nudging his. Your stomach jumped at the brief contact, hoping that the action wouldn’t cause him to shut down again. “Have you ever been to a club?”

It was in this moment that Jungkook stopped walking—whether it was from the shoulder nudge or your question, you weren’t entirely sure. But you made sure to stop as well and rushed to fix whatever error of judgment you had just made.

“O-of course you haven’t—sorry, stupid question,” you fumbled out, feeling like a whipped, lovesick idiot for the first time in your life. “It’s just that—well, my friends are talking about going this weekend, and I... I want you to be there, with me.”

At this, Jungkook looked shell shocked, though you couldn’t imagine why. Did it really still catch him off guard when you invited him places? Haven’t you been doing that since the day you met?

“W-why?” He finally spoke as if you had just said the most outlandish thing known to mankind. “Why would you want me there?”

“Because I like spending time with you, okay?” You sighed, frustrated that he still didn’t get it. After all this time, wasn’t it easy to tell that you’re crazy about him? “I like spending time with you and I enjoy your company and the thought of doing something with you apart from walking around campus makes me happy.”

You held your breath, just bracing yourself for the rejection. This is the first time you’ve ever so blatantly poured your feelings out to him, and even then, what you said wasn’t that big of a deal, but you knew it would be to Jungkook. This boy could barely make eye contact with you up until a couple of weeks ago, much less hear that being with him made you happy.

But maybe that’s what he needed to hear. And if pouring your heart out is what it took to get through to this boy that you were actually interested in him, even after you kissed him, then god damn it, pouring your heart out was just what you were going to have to do. You were new to this, new to feeling any emotions other than pure lust and desire, but you kind of liked the feeling. So you embraced it, welcomed it with Jungkook.

You just hoped he could find it in himself to do the same.

“I...” you started again, another sigh leaving your lips once you realized he wasn’t going to respond. “I’m sorry. I just... I can’t get you out of my mind. I’ve never been able to, but especially now. Especially after that kiss.”

You bit down on your bottom lip, your stomach twisting with nerves as you brought up the elephant in the room that has yet to be addressed by either one of you. When you finally looked up at his expression, you saw that he was as white as a ghost.

“I-I gotta—“

“Jungkook, please don’t,” you winced, unable to bear him running away from you again, especially while you were being so vulnerable with him. It wasn’t a good feeling, and you were afraid of what it would do to you if he abandoned you yet again in such an emotionally charged conversation. As much as you liked to put on a strong front like your heart could handle anything, you knew deep down that it couldn’t. Because your heart was most easily hurt by him, and it was starting to wear you down whether he knew it or not.

Jungkook stopped, and you swore out of your peripheral vision you could see his figure soften when he turned back to you.

You wanted more than anything in that moment to give him a hug. God, you just wanted to... feel him. You wanted to feel him in the most innocent sense, with his arms around your waist and his chest against your face as you nuzzled into his embrace. You’ve never craved such a deep level of intimacy with anyone before, but god damn, it just hit you like a ton of bricks and suddenly you needed him. You knew it was way out of line. You knew he didn’t feel the same, would probably never want to see you in a 10-mile radius ever again. But in that moment, you just couldn’t help yourself.

So you stepped forward, opened your arms, and took a leap of faith.

And you pulled him against you for a hug.

His body was rigid against yours. It felt like you were holding a slab of concrete, hard as stone beneath your touch, but god did he feel warm and the intoxicating scent that was something so indescribably him clouded your senses, leaving you in a haze that was much stronger than any form of smoke you’ve ever inhaled. Your arms were wrapped around his middle, squeezing his body in the strongest hug your arms could manage in such a weak moment, and it was then that you surely thought you were going to faint.

Because after a few still, silent moments, you slowly felt his body start to relax against yours.

It crept over him, like the slow aftereffects of a poison, until soon his entire frame was free of any tension that had shrouded it before and he was suddenly hugging you back.

He was reciprocating the hug, he was really reciprocating it, and your heart was pounding so loudly that you were certain he could feel it against his own chest, but for once you didn’t care. Because you were finally in Jungkook’s arms, and you never wanted to leave.

•••

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Y/N always had a way of surprising him—that much was certain. There wasn’t a single moment since the day they met that Jungkook hadn’t been completely caught off guard by whatever forward statement came tumbling from those sinful lips of hers. But this? Wrapping her arms around him in a hug so tight that his body threatened to be severed in half? This was a whole new level of surprise; he actually blacked out for a couple of seconds.

Everything she said had to be a lie; it had to be, right? There was no way in hell Jungkook was on her mind as often as she was on his. Y/N had a slew of guys knocking on her door just dying to get a turn with her, and that’s how she wanted it. Y/N liked to party and get drunk and have sex. That’s all he knew about her—and yet, it wasn’t. Because somehow deep down beyond this facade that she put on around others, Jungkook remembered seeing the beautiful girl crying on the windowsill of a desolate stairwell, when she had casually mentioned that she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life. Jungkook knew deep down there was something more, something more deep and raw and vulnerable than the strong, fierce person that she wanted everybody else to see. He could see it in her eyes, on the apples of her cheeks when she spoke to him. He brought it out in her.

And it was in that moment that Jungkook knew she was telling the truth.

Never in his life had he experienced a hug like this—sure, there was the occasional bear hugs he received from his family and friends—but nothing that had ever felt like this, like his head was pounding so hard that he started seeing stars and his body was erupting into flames that made it feel like the middle of summer during a cold autumn night. He felt so warm, yet so impossibly cold, like he had never felt true heat in his life until the moment he felt her body heat pressing against him. His brain was running a mile a millisecond, the gears shifting and working so hard into overdrive that it threatened to short circuit on him, but with her arms unrelentingly wrapped around him, he finally threw all caution to the wind and flipped all the switches in his tumultuous mind off. There was no way in hell he could ever reject this even if he wanted to; she had reduced him to putty in her hands, same as she always did.

And so putty he became, completely melted into her embrace like a puddle of goo on a hot summer’s day without any means of ever turning solid again, because this was the most of her he had ever felt in his life, and she felt better than he could’ve ever imagined in some silly fantasy of his. He forced away all inhibitions and wrapped his arms around her frame, his skin sizzling where it touched the fabric of the jacket covering her body, and he hugged her like his life depended on it. He squeezed her until he was out of breath and blue in the face, silently communicating every single word he’s wanted to say but his vocal chords would never allow him to speak, his chest rising and falling all the while to keep up with the pace of his erratically beating heart that clamored in time with hers against his ribcage.

He didn’t know how to describe it, but he just felt... home. Like she was his all along, and he had been too stubborn and scared to allow himself to realize it until now. He knew this wasn’t true—if there was anything he had learned about Y/N, it was that she couldn’t be tamed or tied down to one person—but in this moment, with the stars in the night sky twinkling above them and the sensation of her warm breath dancing through the fabric of the thin shirt covering his chest, he didn’t care. He allowed himself to get wrapped up in the fantasy, no matter how much he knew it would hurt him later. Because right now she was in his arms, his of all people, and nothing else mattered.

He didn’t know how long they went on like that, pressed against each other in complete silence with nothing but the wind moving around them, but he did know that he was the first to break apart; there was a student on the sidewalk who needed to pass and let out a very obvious cough as he was walking around them, which ultimately broke the reverie that Jungkook had gotten lost in that caused him to forget anything else in the world existed other than the two of them. Though when he pulled away to look down at her, he realized he wasn’t in any better of a position, because the dazed gleam in her eyes threatened to knock him right off his feet and caused him to get lost all over again.

Neither one of them said anything; for once, it seemed that the ever-charming Y/N was speechless, though Jungkook was sure it couldn’t have simply been his hug that rendered her to this state. He could see from his peripheral vision that her chest was rising and falling too, like she was just as out of breath as he was even though neither of them had partaken in any physical activity other than just standing there.

And then, just when the tension between them was so thick that it was about to explode, her cheeks flushing a constant state of pink and her gaze flickering from his eyes to his lips and his heartbeat practically bursting in his eardrums as she subtly inched closer—

“I should go,” Jungkook blurted out.

And just like that, his defense mechanisms flared up again, fear striking him to the bone and causing him to take action in the only way he knew how: running away.

It wasn’t lost on him that defeat visibly deflated throughout her body, though just when the guilt from this sight threatened to strangle him whole, she quickly regained her composure and masked her expression again.

“Yeah... okay,” she smiled softly, and he didn’t know why, but he felt like the gesture was meant to reassure him. “I’ll uh, I’ll talk to you later.”

Jungkook briefly mirrored the expression before nodding his head and turning away, his feet suddenly unable to take him away fast enough until—

“Jungkook.”

They skidded to a halt as if she had him bound by spell.

“Thank you.”

The words caught him so off guard that he actually glanced over his shoulder to gaze at her in quiet confusion. But all he was met with when he took one last look at her painfully beautiful face was a serene smile that was adorning her lips, seeming more at ease and content than he had ever seen her.

And as Jungkook took off down the sidewalk towards his dorm, he vowed that he would do anything to see that happiness on her features again, even if it ended up tearing his heart to shreds.

•••

It was only when he heard a knock at his dorm room that he realized he hadn’t answered her question.

He had been shell-shocked just from the mere mention of the club, but paired with her profession of feelings afterwards? Jungkook was pretty sure his mind had stopped working completely, which in turn made him forget all about the fleeting invitation. But now, when he opened the door and was met with a bright grin on Y/N’s face that he was sure could cure cancer, he realized she would be looking for a definite answer.

He wanted to go with her. God he wanted to go with her, so badly, because the thought of her in a crowded club with too many strangers’ hands on her body for her drunken mind to comprehend made him sick to his stomach. He wanted to be there for her, and he wished with all of his heart that he were one of those guys who could easily protect his girl.

But he wasn’t.

Because she wasn’t his girl, and even if she was, that just wasn’t the type of person Jungkook was; he wasn’t a fighter. Not to mention he was sure Y/N wasn’t the type of person to need protecting.

But he just couldn’t help but worry about her—worrying was his specialty, after all—especially now that his feelings for her had only grown. He didn’t want her to get taken advantage of, and god, if he had to sit through another sleepless night wondering what or whom she was doing, Jungkook thought he might go insane.

He didn’t want to go to the club. But there was no way he was going to ask her not to go; she was far too independent for that, and even so, Jungkook wasn’t a controlling person. He just didn’t know what to do.

“Hey,” Y/N‘s voice was light, slightly breathless when she spoke as if she was trying to hide the fact that she was slightly out of breath, and she was looking right at him like he was the entire world morphed into one. Could he be imagining the sparkle in her eye when their gazes met?

“...H-hi,” Jungkook replied, slightly confused as to why she was showing up at his dorm on a Friday night when she should surely be out with her friends.

There was a moment’s pause before she spoke again, and that’s when he noticed the bashful tinge of nerves that raised to slightly color her cheeks. Was Y/N actually... nervous around him? Again? Before their kiss she had been fearless, charming, and Jungkook thought he had this girl pegged as every negative stereotype that was associated with college party culture. But now, he was almost able to see some of his own timid and cautious behavior reflected back onto her. Did Jungkook really have that effect on her?

“Um, can I come in?” She asked after a moment, and it was all he could do to keep his heart from jumping straight out of his chest as he nibbled on his bottom lip before stepping aside to let her walk through.

The sight of her in his room looked so foreign, since this was only the third time she’s seen it and even that was three times too many, yet it also looked so right, like this was exactly where she belonged. The thought terrified him half to death; this was his safe haven, his sanctuary for crying out loud, and what does it mean if he’s willing to share it with her? But even so, he couldn’t help but think she’s the only one he’d ever want to share it with. She’s the first girl he’s ever felt... well, ever felt for in general. And her radiant presence just seemed to light up the room, giving everything he owned a certain glow that he hadn’t noticed they had before.

He didn’t know he’d been holding in his breath until he had to release it in order to speak.

“I thought you were going to the club?” He asked before raising an arm to nervously rub the back of his neck, internally praying that she wasn’t here to ask him to join.

Her eyes seemed to be fixed on something on his bicep before she snapped out of it. “I uh, I actually bailed on them. I figured you didn’t want to go, so...” it was when she trailed off that he noticed for the first time she was holding a bag, and when she held it up he saw it was filled to the brim. “I figured we could chill here instead?”

She looked hopeful, somewhat nervous of his rejection, and he couldn’t help his eyes from practically popping out of his head at the sound of her words. Had she really passed up an opportunity to party with her friends to stay in with him? Jungkook would’ve thought that Y/N was the type of girl to never stay in on a Friday night, but it would seem he didn’t know her as well as he thought he did. Could it be that there was some untruthfulness to the rumors he heard?

His mouth was suddenly dry and all the breath had escaped from his lungs, so he simply nodded his head down towards the bag in question rather than attempting to speak aloud.

“Oh, this is just some junk food I figured we could pig out on if you said yes,” she let out a sheepish laugh and sat the bag down on his spotless desk so that he could see inside, and it was then that Jungkook caught a glance of almost every snack assortment known to man.

Somewhere deep inside his chest, his heart melted. Had she really gone through the trouble of buying all these snacks just to bring over to his dorm? It would seem she didn’t know what he liked, so she bought one of everything. This couldn’t be the same girl he’d heard those incriminating stories about. It couldn’t be.

There was a moment of silence before he finally spoke. “Well, we might as well eat all of this now that it’s here,” he heard himself say, and at the expression of elation on her face he couldn’t help but crack a smile.

•••

You couldn’t believe he actually agreed.

When you turned down your friends’ invitation to go to the club tonight, they looked at you like you were crazy. They were afraid you had fallen physically and mentally ill, and proceeded to check your temperature and pulse to see if your vital signs were normal. It wasn’t until after maybe the fiftieth “I’m fine guys, I swear!” that they finally believed you, but even then they were confused as hell. And it’s not like you could blame them—had you ever turned down an offer to go out dancing since you started going to this university? The answer was a hard no, and your friends knew it. Which was why they gave you a few encouraging—albeit judging—stares before you left their company and hit the gas station by yourself.

What did Jungkook like to eat? You weren’t sure, so you just grabbed a bunch of shit you knew was dangerously addicting and delicious before heading off to his dorm; thank god everything was in a close vicinity of each other on this campus, because you didn’t have Taehyung’s car to borrow for the night.

Which is how you ended up where you were now, sitting atop Jungkook’s bed with your back against the wall and a bowl of popcorn in your lap.

You felt like your body was about to burst into flames; how the hell had you gotten so lucky as to have Jungkook agree to hang out with you in his room? Not only that, but he was actually sitting next to you, an act that would’ve surely never happened had you asked him a few weeks prior. But something had changed—something between that kiss and life-altering hug you’d exchanged—that had you pinching yourself to see if you were dreaming. Jungkook had finally started to feel comfortable enough to spend more than twenty minutes in your company without shoving you out the door or making a dive for the window. You couldn’t believe the progress you were making with this breathtaking enigma of a boy.

“So what about you?” You turned to him to ask, legs crossed beneath you while his favorite anime played in the background, which you insisted on watching. “You already know about my shit storm of a plan. What do you want to do with your computer science degree?”

Somehow the topic of conversation had drifted to school—probably because that’s the only thing Jungkook seemed comfortable talking about, which was perfectly fine with you. You were happy just to get the opportunity to hold an actual conversation with him, no matter the subject... until the memory of your semi emotional breakdown in the windowsill of the stairwell had been brought up. You were quick to get the subject off of you without saying too much about it.

Jungkook nibbled on his bottom lip, seeming to contemplate your question before finally opening his mouth, then closing it again as if second-guessing himself. “I’ll more than likely do software engineering,” he said in a tone that implied he was trying to convince himself as well.

“More than likely?”

“Well...” he started then paused again, his demeanor turning surreptitious and somewhat sheepish as he eyed you. “I actually... I want to become a video game designer. It’s stupid, I know.”

“No!” You were quick to reassure him. “No, I think that’s really cool, actually. You should do it!”

“Eh, it’s just a pipe dream,” Jungkook was shaking his head and lowering his eyes again. “Who knows if I’d actually be able to do it? Besides, software engineering pays the best. It’s what my parents want me to do.”

“But is it what you want to do?” You pressed, giving him a knowing look. “It’s your life, Jungkook. You shouldn’t let fear keep you from achieving your dreams.”

You didn’t know when you had become such a motivational speaker—hell, you were terrible at giving advice. None of your friends ever came to you for it because they knew you were such a bad influence. But with Jungkook, something just made you want to be... better. You wanted to help him, because you found yourself genuinely wanting the best for him.

Jungkook, on the other hand, looked white as a ghost. You were about to change the subject, if only to make him less uncomfortable, when he suddenly spoke again.

“I don’t think I’ve ever done that.”

You were puzzled at first. “Done what?”

“Not let fear keep me from doing something.”

And it was then that he was looking at you, his eyes so intense and his gaze so deep, saying so much yet speaking so little, that you could feel your heart physically moving mountains within your chest. You felt the overwhelming urge to lean forward and kiss him until you were out of breath and blue in the face, though somehow with extreme willpower you didn’t know you possessed you were able to hold yourself back.

“I’m the same way, you know.”

Jungkook was reeling back at your words, his eyes wide with disbelief and his brows furrowed in confusion as if you just said the most outlandish thing he’d ever heard. “What?”

“It’s true,” you nodded with a giggle, able to tell from his expression that he didn’t believe you one bit. “That day you saw me in the stairwell, I...” you paused, trying to muster the courage to say what you were about to say. You never opened up to anyone—not really, not about things that were important. But the way Jungkook was looking at you, the way he confided in you about his dreams, his fears of disappointing his parents... you wanted to show him that you trusted him, too.

“I had just had a meeting with the dean that day, and he told me that if I didn’t get my grades up I’d be expelled from the school without graduating.” You sighed, saying the news out loud making anxiety knot in your stomach because it meant it was that much more real. “I’ve already had academic warnings and been on academic probation a couple semesters, but never suspension... I don’t know where I’d go.”

It felt weird yet nice, like actually telling someone else about your inner turmoil has somehow lifted a weight off your shoulders. You didn’t have to bare the stress of your academic failure on your own. Thankfully Jungkook didn’t question your last statement, and you were glad; that was a whole different story, one that included your past and your parents, and you didn’t know if you could get into that tonight.

“They don’t know, do they?”

His question took you aback. “What?”

“Your friends.” When he saw your expression, he elaborated. “I could tell that, um... I–I could just tell you haven’t told them.”

His tone was gentle and understanding in a way that made you feel all fuzzy and warm from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. How could he have known that you hadn’t told anyone? Is it possible that your fearless facade wasn’t as strong as you thought it was? Or was he really just that perceptive?

And if that’s the case, then did that mean he paid more attention to you than you originally thought? Did he actually... care?

That thought alone was too much; you felt your heart spring into your throat and threaten to strangle your windpipes, rendering you speechless until there was no more air left to fill your lungs and you were collapsing from suffocation right then and there.

“N–no,” you somehow managed to get out, and now for the first time you were the one reduced to a stuttering mess in his presence, not him. “No, I haven’t told them. Nobody knows but... you.”

At this Jungkook’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline, and it was all you could do to keeping from bursting into a lovesick grin, because the faintest hint of a rosy hued blush crept up along the apples of his cheeks and you could almost make out the way the corners of his lips turned up into a sheepish smile.

“Why?” His voice betrayed his expression, seeming almost skeptical and bewildered at this knowledge. “Why me?”

There was that damned question again, and you swear to god if Jungkook could only see himself through your eyes then he would have the ego of the Greek god Zeus. It broke your heart to see him question himself like this, question his worth in the way that you saw him, and in that moment, you mustered all the courage you possessed and did the only thing you knew would be strong enough to convince him of your answer.

You placed the popcorn down on the bed beside you, you leaned forward to take his hand, and you kissed him.

•••

It was like lightening had pierced through the sky and struck him down to his very core. Every fiber of his being was teeming with electricity; just the simple sensation of her lips gently brushing against his had his vision blinded by stars as they erupted within him and severed every synapses in his brain with their fiery white heat of burning gas.

He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t think; he was rendered completely powerless beneath the weight of her gentle, barely-there kiss. And yet, at the same time, it felt like he was coming alive for the first time in his life. How could he have gone this long without her lips? How could she have let him?

It was in that moment that Jungkook knew what he wanted to do; there were no doors to escape through, and they weren’t standing outside of his dorm like their first kiss after their date, but rather sitting down on his bed with One Piece playing in the background. Any other time this would’ve distracted him, since he loved the anime to the point of practically memorizing all the words, but tonight the screen in front of him had barely even registered in his mind as all of his attention was on her. And right now was no different—everything around him had simply vanished from existence the moment her lips touched his, as if they were the only two people in the universe. And to him, they were. No one else mattered but her.

And so finally, after hours upon hours of sleepless nights fantasizing about this moment in 100 different ways, he gave into his desires. And though he didn’t have a single clue as to what he was doing, he finally leaned in and began kissing her back.

•••

You couldn’t believe your senses. You thought they were deceiving you when you felt his lips slowly, ever so carefully, begin to thaw beneath yours and lean into the kiss. Was Jungkook actually... kissing you back?

And that’s when all hell broke loose; you felt your heart open the floodgates as all the emotions youve ever felt for him came rushing out and pouring into this kiss without any means of stopping. For the first time in your entire life you felt completely weightless, like your body was floating through zero gravity and you were gazing down upon the world beneath you. You felt infinite, you felt unstoppable, you felt like you could achieve anything with Jungkook by your side. And so you took it upon yourself to slowly scoot forward so not to scare him away, carefully bringing your hand to the side of his neck and tilting your head to deepen the kiss.

You could tell this was his first kiss (besides the one after your date, of course, though that didn’t count because Jungkook didn’t reciprocate then). His actions seemed tentative and inexperienced in a completely innocent and pure kind of way that had your heart simultaneously melting and soaring within you. You felt honored—could he have actually let you be his first kiss?—and before you could help yourself, your lips were breaking out into beam so bright that it caused the kiss to momentarily break.

Jungkook pulled away slightly to stare back at you with big, blinking eyes. “W-what?”

Your heart soared again—god, why was he so fucking cute? “Nothing,” you reassured him, not wanting him to think that he did anything wrong. “I’m just—I’m really happy.”

That seemed to calm Jungkook’s nerves, because in that moment he also broke out in a small smile that had his nose scrunching slightly and his teeth peeking out from between his delicate lips that were stained red and swollen from the pressure of your kiss, and you decided that he had never looked more beautiful than he did right in this moment.

An overwhelming surge of emotion and love flooded your chest, and before you blurted out something stupid you simply leaned back in to press your lips against his again. They tasted so, so incredibly sweet—better than anything you’ve ever tasted in your life—and you quickly knew that you were going to become insufferably addicted to them.

You didn’t rush things with tongue; you wanted to take things slow, take the time to learn the curvature of his lips and the pattern of their movements against your own, and good god, you were the luckiest girl on earth.

Jungkook was slowly warming up beneath you. You could physically feel the ice melting away from his guarded heart, like flowers finally beginning to bloom in the early mornings of spring after staying dormant all those wintery months, and it was when you brought your hand up to his hair, slowly curling your fingers into each effortlessly soft strand that you heard it: the quietest, tiniest moan of pleasure that worked its way into a sigh leaving his lips.

And that’s when you felt your entire body erupt into flames.

Holy mother of fuck, how could you have deprived yourself of the single most delectable sound you’ve ever heard in your entire life? You knew he could feel the pulse of your racing heartbeat pounding against your chest right now, but you didn’t care; you were having an out of body experience. Was this how intimate embraces were supposed to feel? You didn’t know how many guys you’ve kissed in your lifetime, but never had anyone come even close to making you feel the way you felt right now. God, you were pretty sure you were about to have an orgasm out of sheer happiness.

And it was at that moment, right when both of you were getting lost in the throes of passion and the kiss began to take a more sensual, almost desperate turn, that the door suddenly burst open.

“Oh—shit, sorry man, I didn’t know you had someone over.”

Jungkook’s roommate—Trip, you believed his name was if your memory was serving you correctly—was standing in the doorway with raised brows, seemingly paralyzed with shock that he had walked in on Jungkook doing anything but studying or playing video games. And he wasn’t the only one shocked; the second the door opened Jungkook shot away from you, the tips of his ears turning beet red with widened eyes like a deer caught in headlights. And it was then that you began to wonder... were you the only person Jungkook had ever invited into his dorm?

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to read the energy in the room. Trip didn’t look like he was planning on leaving, and Jungkook obviously wasn’t going to continue things with an audience in the room, so you quickly took your cue.

“I–I should be getting out of here,” you were the first to speak, sparing Trip an apologetic smile though your gaze immediately flickered back to Jungkook, and he seemed just as breathless after that mind-blowing kiss as you were. Despite the somewhat awkwardness of the situation, you couldn’t help but grin—you were too fucking happy to keep your expression placid. “I’ll see you later, Jungkook.”

Jungkook simply nodded, a dazed and somewhat dumbfounded expression on his face as he watched you gather your things, sling the bag of uneaten snacks over your shoulder, and walk out the door.

[midnight-circus]

another fucking meme bitch

literally nobody can stop me 

this is the 3rd one of these ive answered for logan i really should give someone else a look-in

w e l p

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

Morgan’s three years younger than him, so close enough to the same age group. They didn’t get on very well at all growing up – Logan was jealous and Morgan was spoilt, which resulted in friction a little beyond regular sibling rivalry – but their relationship has improved with age. They’re not close and there’s still some definite tension, but it’s generally healthy as long as they don’t start talking about their parents. Or anything too personal.

Morgan’s never done anything wrong, that’s the thing. That’s probably what irritates Logan the most. He has no genuine reason to resent his brother and he knows it’s unfair, but he struggles to find a way to redirect the feeling because he’s already embittered towards their parents so like … where the fuck else can it go? He still struggles with it, and tries extremely hard to temper his feelings towards his younger brother mainly out of guilt. It’s not Morgan’s fault. Nonetheless, it is undeniably disheartening to watch his parents dote upon someone who, at the end of the day, is really not all that different to him in the long run.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Distant. Logan is an eternal disappointment to his mother, who had big dreams for her eldest son – indeed, he was meant to be her only son, before a little mistake came along three years later. From the beginning Morgan was an easier baby than Logan, and Madeleine subsequently funnelled her energy into the happy, bouncy infant rather than the rather aloof, introspective toddler. Logan was quiet, anxious and didn’t smile easily, and the more Madeleine withdrew the more he got the message – in childhood he would rather manage his independence and rely on himself than come to her for support, and as such her attentions on Morgan only intensified until it became uncomfortably clear to everyone that she had a very definite favourite.

In a nutshell, as far as Madeleine is concerned Logan can’t do anything right. There is criticism for everything, and if she can’t think of a snippy comment now then she’ll think of if later and ring him up to tell him. She is emotionally abusive, though she’ll never understand that – after all, she does love him (and in her mind, he hasn’t made that easy), but in all honesty she doesn’t like him very much, and he is more than aware of it.

It’s damaged him pretty badly, and as he grows older he distances himself more and more, reducing his contact with her to phonecalls and the occasional special occasion visit. Christmases are miserable. Madeleine, however, is a cakewalk compared to Edward.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Non-existent. Edward is vile. A bitter, egotistical narcissist who is profoundly aware that his wife has more money than him and cannot let it go. Logan began butting heads with him at a young age and suffered for it (there is no contention over corporal punishment in the English aristocracy), and he honestly feels nothing but distaste and resentment for the man, verging into hatred. The feeling is mutual – Madeleine might be disappointed in her son’s life and sexuality, but Edward is actively disgusted in him, and he has no problem telling him that. Their relationship ultimately exploded in Logan’s late teens, on the night he was outed – after many years of belittlement and abuse, physical and otherwise, he lost his temper entirely and punched his father in the jaw. Edward put him through a glass coffee table for his pains, leaving him with his facial scars, and he left the house that night and never really went back. Probably should’ve gone to A&E, tbh.

Anyway, they don’t speak. Or rather, Logan doesn’t speak to him. On the few occasions they’re forced to be in the same room (Christmases are m i s e r a b l e ), Edward will attempt to goad his eldest into retaliation, but fortunately in those situations Elrick is generally there too and he is MORE than happy to engage on Logan’s behalf.

The very last time they interact is at Madeleine’s funeral, and it ends in an extremely public, extremely loud argument in front of the entire congregation that results in Logan storming out halfway through (‘causing a scene’, is how Edward later puts it to his fellows at the country club). They never speak again, and he does not attend his father’s funeral five years later.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

Not a great deal. His phone, his wallet, his keys – usual shit. He doesn’t cart stuff around for the sake of it and will remove anything superfluous before he goes out, so there’s nothing crazy in there.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

I’m no dream-diviner, but whatever relates to feeling like a complete and total fuckup. That’s a recurring theme.

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

He’s very claustrophobic and that tends to be a feature of his nightmares. In a modern setting, though, he’s not plagued by the constant nightmares he experiences in his original incarnation – they’re much more sinister in that verse, and they’re brutal. It’s a major factor in why his insomnia is so intense.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

Depends on the AU. In a modern setting, which I’m pretty much answering for here, nope – shooting is a popular hobby for his mother and father, but he never participated. In most fantasy AUs, he knows how to use one, but he’s a pretty abysmal shot – he’s really only good with a gun in a few very select circumstances when it’s absolutely necessary. Original Logan is the absolute worst with a gun, hence why he doesn’t fucking carry one because it would definitely make more sense than carting a sword around if people keep on trying to assassinate you all the time.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

It’s fluctuated. He grew up rich. Like … aristocratically rich. His family are Old Money. He wasn’t spoilt as a kid (that little honour went to Morgan), but he went to an expensive private school and certainly didn’t know discomfort.

When he left the home, that all stopped. He had no access to funds and his parents certainly weren’t prepared to give him any, so he made his own way. Ultimately, through a great deal of hard grafting and years of work, he clawed his way into Oxford, manhandled himself through law school and now earns a very comfortable living. He rejected any and all of Morgan’s attempts to help him (Morgan, who was given a ~small loan~ by his mother to start a business and has been a millionaire for pretty much all his adult life) and subsequently it took a long-ass time, but he’s proud of it.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

Generally more. He’s certainly not the type to fuckin chill around the house half-naked. Like what’s the point. Get your fuckin ass off that expensive sofa and go and put some trousers on for fucks sake.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

In a modern situation, the night he was outed. That PALES in comparison to his original incarnation’s Most Terrifying Moments 3 Day Compilation Storytime W/ Hi-Res Visuals & Audio, but still.

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

Nope. He’s fine with blood – his, other people’s, whatever. It’s not an issue.

Does your character remember names or faces easier?

Definitely names. He tends to forget faces because he doesn’t really care much about them lmao but names stick in his mind as ‘data’, almost.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Not preoccupied, but he does value money and possessions – he sees it as a status-marker. Old habits and all that.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

Success for sure.

What was your character’s favourite toy as a child?

Honestly, he didn’t really play much. He tended to occupy himself with puzzles rather than toys, even when young – colours and shapes as an infant, then on to shit like jigsaws and building blocks as he got a little older, things he could occupy himself very independently with. He used to draw a lot as a young kid, but incidentally is absolutely shit at it as an adult so who knows what happened there. He did have a stuffed toy lion that he carted around as a toddler, but Edward put a stop to his kids having comfort items by the time they were 4 so he didn’t have it for very long.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

Ambition. It’s the Slytherin in him.

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

He’s too independent, which translates to coming across as cold. He can’t bear relying on other people because he knows damn well he can manage on his own, and it takes him a very long time to delegate trust in a relationship. This has caused friction with people in the past, often alongside accusations of being too cold, too indifferent, too distant. In the three years that he and Elrick spent broken up, his self-reliance was pretty much the final straw for the rebound-relationship he was in for those years – in amongst a nest of other issues, the man in question (sorry Jaeger) simply got fed up of trying to break down a wall that clearly was never going to come down on its own.

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

Oh, only ever self-criticism. Everyone is doing better than he is in one way or another, and he will find that one way.

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

Externally he’ll assign blame to others, but he internalises every second of it as his own fault. It’s the inferiority complex. He knows he deserves it, but he doesn’t want everyone else to know that.

What does your character like in other people?

Integrity, which is pretty rich coming from him as he is no stranger to the odd lie here and there. He also appreciates a practical, realistic outlook on life – relentless optimism irritates him to no end. Sometimes things are really shitty, there’s no use painting it fuckin gold and calling it wonderful. He likes someone he can occasionally bitch and moan with (or more than occasionally), who will either contribute their own grievances or simply let him get on with it without trying to force him to feel better.

What does your character dislike in other people?

Literally we’ll be here forever. He has no patience for what he considers to be ‘stupidity’. A lack of punctuality. Bad spelling. Bad grammar. A lack of self-care. An obnoxious laugh. Anything that reminds him too much of his mother. More than two middle names. Weak handshakes. I could keep going. Best not to.

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

Months, if not years. Really only Elrick and Kat enjoy his full and total confidence. He wants to trust Morgan, but to be entirely honest he can’t shed the fear that Morgan’s going to go parroting it all back to Madeleine the first chance he gets, which is probably a very unfair assumption to make. He knows this. It doesn’t change it, though.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

He’ll suspect anyone of anything, given the right motivation. He doesn’t trust easily at all. More than once in the early years of the relationship he suspected Elrick of sleeping with his ex, for no other reason than the fact that he had an ex – he kept that particular concern entirely to himself, but it took a long time to shed.

How does your character behave around children?

Responsible. By the time he knew of Bastian’s existence the boy was already about seven, but he’s been babysitting Rowan since birth so he’s pretty comfortable by now.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

It’s an absolute last resort.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

Externally defensive, but internally he absorbs it.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

No point repeating something if it’s clearly not working. A second try might not be a bad idea, just in case a mistake was made in the first opportunity, but any more than two repeats is just setting yourself up for failure.

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

Oh bitch if he doesn’t like you, you will Know About It. He really doesn’t see the point in pretending to like somebody he doesn’t – it’s a waste of time and energy, and why bother giving that person false hope? Better to nip it in the bud.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honour, or protecting their status?

His honour’s all shot to the four fuckin winds anyway, but he will protect his status fiercely.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

His mother’s ancient African Grey parrot used to bite him on the regular, and as such he hates parrots.

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

It could be better. It could be worse, but it could be much better. He’s still kind of a classist snob at times.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Nope. He’s never really had a paternal figure at all. Or at least not a positive one.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

Not really – his only two dependents would be Bastian and Rowan, both of whom are blood relations.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

It’s easy to say it when he doesn’t mean it (which he has done, in the past). It’s much harder to say when he does.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

He has no idea whatsoever. He was raised Catholic, but has considered himself an atheist since his mid-teens – however, it’s extremely hard to shed the guilt and fear of damnation when it’s all you’ve heard for a huge chunk of your childhood. He likes to think that life just stops and then that’s it, you’re done, but he can’t quite get rid of the little chirp of paranoia that says he’s going to Hell.