#I’m sick of these mindgames

[kavehater]

Everything’s back to being bleh again huh

[confused-rat]

I think the thing about Lily trying to act like Britt was the bad person for interacting with Tara is you can tell she's really dying go "Look! Look! I threw all these crazy ethical dilemmas at Britt and she went with them! I knew none of this stuff was real, but she didn't know for sure, so she's so much worse than me!"

...Except that argument means admitting she invented a sockpuppet for the purpose of playing sick mindgames on people she supposedly cared for, which is in fact worse again.

Lose-lose, Lily. Either you're worse than Britt for contemplating hiding evidence of a predator you knew in RL and 100% knew was a real person who did real crimes, or you're worse than Britt for being an enormous creep, because seriously, who DOES that shit.

It’s fucked up, cause you know there was already a power imbalance when Lily and Britt met. Britt was a fan, Lily “introduced**” her to “Tara,” and then “Tara”  started feeding her lines and scenarios. Slowly ramping up from the smaller, easier to laugh off stuff, to the straight up grotesque. This is the kind of shit you’d see Netflix documentaries on. Lily blaming Britt for not acting on any of the information she was given is straight up victim blaming. 

**I’m not sure on how Britt and Tara met, either Lily “introduced” the two, or Britt met her through running in the same circles as most of Lily’s fans (in which case, Lily was directly fishing for victims in her audience pool.)

[moondragon618]

;3 Anon here!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tommy narrowed his eyes at that. “What’s so funny?”

Dream’s smile turned into a smirk. “Nothing much. I’m just amused. Though, you were right about me lying about my fear.”

The blonde let out a sigh, then he quickly wrote down everything that just happened in his notebook. “Alright. Want to elaborate…..without mindgames ya dickhead?”

This made the murderer cackle out loud. “Yes. Yes. I won’t try anything right now.” Then he cleared his throat. “……If there’s one thing that scares me, it’s to die alone without anyone with me. I know it sounds silly since it seems like it will happen….but the thought of having no one at least care if I die makes me sick. You know the thing about my many victims? They all get to be remembered and loved. Even when terror strikes their last moments, they are still not alone. If I die here, I will get that.”

Tommy went quiet for a moment. This one was definitely more genuine. He wrote as such with his question and Dream’s answer. Then a thought came to the teen’s head…. But before he could decide if it’s a good question-

“……Did you kill those people out of jealousy?”

-he asked it.

That question made Dream freeze completely….. That smirk was wiped completely off his face. Then, he let out a sigh. “………..Partly….”

Tommy’s eyebrows lifted up. “Partly?”

That smirk returned on the bastard’s face. “Yes. Partly. I did also enjoy squeezing every single bit of their lives out… It was so fun.”

Once again, Tommy shuddered at that, though writing this response down helped ground his nerves. “….You fucking sadistic prick.”

The sadist in question couldn’t hold back another laugh. “Oh! You have no idea!” Then his smirk widened as he leaned over the table. “……Though, I found someone so much more fun.”

The Journalist blinked. “…..Do you mean something?”

Before Tommy got his answer, the mass murderer and crime lord suddenly stood up.

The mere action made the teen’s blood turn cold as he stayed glued to his chair.

DID HE JUST GET UP- WASN’T HE- SHIT SHIT SHIT!

As the teen tried to recover from his shock, he suddenly felt a hand grab his chin while a cold metal pressed against the left side of his head.

“If you do anything that I don’t like, I will kill you. Now. Get. Up.” A soft but icy voice whispered to him.

Oh FUCK 👀👀👀👀👀

[kuriboo]

I can’t…play mindgames

I don’t have the time, I don’t have the energy, I work full time, I am dealing with chronic pain every day that is a struggle to manage, I live with my abuser

I can’t do it

I am so sick of mindgames. I am so sick of trying to read people’s silence. It’s exhausting and it tanks my mental health. I can’t do it.

I will just keep talking like nothing is wrong and if I’m ignored, I will simply not read into it. I refuse to.

If I am no longer wanted, if I am no longer a friend, I must be told so. It must be stated explicitly.

Otherwise, I will simply go on like nothing is wrong, and not waste my energy. This is my declaration. This is my promise to myself, to take care of myself and protect myself. Nothing can be implied here. I will not get the hint, and I will refuse to get the hint. Words must be used. I am an adult who deserves respect.

This has been wearing on me for months. I take my stand here. No longer shall it wear me down. I will stand tall. I have people in my corner who care about me. I am trying to take care of myself. The stress of trying to navigate this has been killing me, and I don’t say that lightly. The stress has been killing me. I am a shell of my former self. I am trying to come back, to be my vibrant self again. It is difficult, an understatement, true all the same. I am desperately trying to claw my way back to life again.

If I have been distant to you, I offer my apologies. Life is not easy. I am trying very hard. I spend my energy so strongly in the wrong places, because I care too much. It’s draining me. I am trying to come back to myself again. This is an explanation, and does not make my actions right. I am sorry.

If you have been distant, I refuse to read into your silence. I choose to believe you have your own struggles, and nothing is wrong between us. If you have something to say, if I am wrong, then say it.

I am trying so very hard, fatigued by the baggage that comes with these struggles.

And I can’t keep going like this. I will crash and burn.

So, once again, this is my declaration, to take care of and protect myself. I am no longer playing mind games. I am no longer reading between the lines for implied meanings. I am no longer trying to interpret the deafening silence I am met with.

I have been playing this game for far too long. I am done with it. This is the only way to keep myself going.

[badnikbreaker]

forces headcanons for sonic — primarily focused on his time as a POW and some experiences upon being freed  

sonic’s time on the death egg was very often primarily a torture of boredom — he spent the majority of the time in a tiny cell total solitary confinement.  he awoke in a pitch-black room, handcuffed, remembering only being defeated.  no light, no voices, no room to move or run.  for the first — he doesn’t know how long.  for the first few months? — he was utterly alone, half - convinced he was dead and this was just what death was.  no room to run, no way to escape, nothing, nothing.  he tried to break out, but the walls didn’t give no matter how he threw himself at them.  he halfway considered starving himself, just to see what happened.  yelled his voice hoarse, eventually.  stopped talking at all, eventually.

then, finally, something changed.  sonic doesn’t really remember the details anymore, but there was a screen, there was eggman, asking how sonic was enjoying his little vacation.  it was such a relief just to BE SPOKEN TO BY A PERSON that he almost cried, even if that person was eggman.  eggman let him know that he’d functionally taken over the world, but sonic wasn’t listening, wasn’t processing.  just, oh, i’m still alive.  i’m not totally alone.

the months that followed were — different.  there were still long periods of total darkness and isolation, which were almost more maddening now that he’d gotten a taste of something else, but at least he knew there STILL WAS A WORLD OUTSIDE HIS CELL.  but the quiet was broken, sometimes, either with eggman’s gloating or — by infinite.

sometimes the harm was physical.  infinite took a great deal of pleasure in harming sonic, and it didn’t seem to matter that sonic had little means of escaping or fighting back, weak as he was.  but such wasn’t common.  worse —

the fucking mindgames.  sonic can’t count the number of times he was breaking free, tails or knuckles or even shadow at his side, only to have his friends be captured or killed before his eyes, only for sonic to suddenly ��wake up’ from the illusion and realize he was back in his cell, that his friend’s blood had disappeared from his hands.  sometimes he’d be in a different part of the death egg, watching amy be tortured as she refused to give up resistance secrets, his own screaming ignored as he threw himself at the glass separating the room he was in and the room she was in — and he’d only realize once the illusion shattered that he had no memories of being brought out of the cell at all.  finding tails attempting to break out some other prisoners just in time for tails to be killed, or —— there were visions of that sort.  they were miserable, and sonic still has nightmares about them.  but the worst of it wasn’t that.

sonic knew by now that infinite could create copies of past enemies.  sometimes, infinite would show him visions of the battlefield, back on earth — that of a sick copy of sonic destroying towns, homes, PEOPLE.  ending lives.  towards the end of his time in captivity, he watched himself kill his friends, many of whom refused or hesitated to fight him — and infinite only showed him each of their deaths once, to ensure that sonic couldn’t know if infinite was showing him illusions or if infinite was showing him visions of actual battles.  watching himself do things he’d NEVER DO was horrifying for a variety of reasons, not just because the sight of himself hurting his friends haunted and continues to haunt him.  for a guy who’s all about freedom, autonomy, it felt like a stripping of that — a violation.  NOBODY USES ME.

it wasn’t until he was rescued until he learned that there hadn’t been any sonic-illusion out in the world, and that he hadn’t killed his friends.  in fact, his friends had thought he was dead and gone.

but — the rescue.  he’d only recently been moved to a larger cell, presumably so it would be easier for eggman to show him what he’d done once the world was entirely taken over.  sonic and the rookie hit it off pretty much immediately, in large part because they’re the first friendly face he’s seen in six months of the alternating tortures of total isolation and attempts to break his mind.  while sonic’s assured shortly after that amy and knuckles are alive, at least, he’s also, at this point, half-convinced a number of his friends are dead, so —— here’s someone he hasn’t watch himself kill or heard from eggman that they’ve died.

he’s so, so happy to see his friends again, but it’s — it’s hard, too!  he’s repressing a lot about his time as a POW, which means he ends up pulling away from the people who either inspire honesty in him or remind him of that period.  it’s not that he’s not close to them, but it is noticeable how much easier he falls into step with the rookie, and how much longer it takes for him to settle back into a decent dynamic with his old friends.

in a more physical sense, he’s very physically weak when he gets out.  dude went about six months without the kind of exercise he’s normally getting and without a ton of food.  it takes him a while to get back to his normal physical state, and until that happens he’s depending a lot on the rookie or his other friends to make up the difference.

[booktrashme]

So, it’s Wednesday and nothing happened...

[gerbu]

Warning this is a very angry but vague vent about my mom with lots of cursing, mentions of neglect and ableism

I’m so tired of my mom’s bs. I’m tired of having to explain myself to her, time and time again, only for her to forget. I’m tired of trying to explain and her not understanding. I’m tired of the constant mindgames when I’m upset, I’m tired of not being allowed to be mad, to be overwhelmed or upset, because then I’m rude and hurting her feelings. I’m tired of the crap she spews about me being rude to her when I had anxiety attacks for years that she didn’t do anything about. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter to her, I’m tired of feeling like no matter what I say she does what she wants, makes me do what she wants. I’m tired of her policing my body, my clothes, what I say and what I listen to and watch and consume. I want to be free. Even if she doesn’t mean too, she restricts how I dress. She says women who wear revealing clothes are “advertising themselves” and essentially preemptively victim blames them. I’m tired of her not letting me talk about who I am, because when I do she gives me that look that says, “I don’t believe you, I believe the preconceived notion of you that exists only in my head, I believe a fantasy I made for myself to cushion the blow of the notion that maybe, just maybe, I parented you wrong.” She doesn’t care about my ADHD, about my comfort. She makes do things I’m uncomfortable with and gets mad and huffy at me when all of a sudden I refuse to do them, as if I’M the one being unreasonable, like it’s MY fault I’m uncomfortable, why can’t I just shut up and comply? I’m fucking sick and tired of her making a show of me, making jokes about things that plague me daily and make life difficult to live, denying me who I am, telling me that even though she doesn’t know a SINGLE FUCKING THING ABOUT ME she still knows what’s best for me and who I am and who I will be. I want the freedom to be myself without being fucking questioned at every turn. It’s none of her fucking business who I am, what I do with my body, what I wear, whether or not I date. I’m me and she doesn’t get to see who that is, because it’s for me and me only, not for the one person who traumatized me, pushed me away when I needed her the most, refused to understand me, refused to listen to me, gave me lifelong issues that will drastically affect my life and yet the only apology I ever got was, “I’m sorry I yelled”

That does jackshit.

That doesn’t erase years of hurt and denial and pain and self harm.

That doesn’t make her exempt from being a bad mom.

It doesn’t matter how she feels about me. She needs to fucking accept that. She needs to fucking accept that sometimes her feelings don’t fucking matter, sometimes they aren’t above her child’s needs.

The only fucking thing that matter is she hurt me, she continues to hurt me, she will, in the future, hurt me, and her love for me, no matter how deep, doesn’t erase any of that pain.

[herotheshiro]

so i reread all of behind the desks today lol bc i was thinking abt it last night as i was going to sleep, and also fully read through the epilogue chapters which i don’t think i had done before. which means i read through all of the plot points all at once this time around. i think my thoughts for this readthrough might end up being the length of a regular post so i’m just writing up a new post instead of reblogging my old review of this manhwa. obviously spoilers for the story below the cut

again i like this manhwa mainly bc of 2 things:

i like the juxtaposition of young’s obviously manipulative language with taesung’s innocent language that also sounds suspiciously the same. obviously you know taesung has positive intentions and isn’t a controlling freak like young but it’s such an interesting way to depict the aftermath of an abusive relationship and the difference in intentions despite the same words even though in retrospect that probably wasn’t what the author was trying to do. unless... ?

sunny seo as a character!! on the surface he definitely seems to fall under the standard BL uke tropes of being clumsy and looking pretty and stuck in a love triangle as the shared obj of affection but from the very beginning you already know he’s not a pushover but he just seems like that bc he doesn’t really have or express strong opinions. a lot of BLs tend to have the shared obj of affection be like oh nooo i can’t pick bw the 2 of them... but i mean from the start sunny doesn’t want to be w young and his fear of backlash and change is what motivates his secret-keeping from taesung... also throughout the story they imply that he’s a good match for taesung who canonly likes action stuff by being someone who actually likes high-energy activities/vibes. tl;dr sunny is generally a good character who also has a lot of foreshadowing done for him to reveal aspects of his personality that contribute to the story

anyway onto my thoughts that i had during this specific readthrough

jaeyoon. anyone who read my prev review for this manhwa knows that i had beef w how they used him during the conclusion to young and sunny’s relationship. i now realize that maybe they DID actually give him a face reveal during his wedding when young and sunny split off to chat with a friend each and the friend who spoke to sunny was actually jaeyoon himself... BUT YOU GOTTA FUCKING SAY THAT!! i suspected they were the same guy bc of the hair color and them always hiding jaeyoon’s face until that “random” moment where they give this character who looks like him a face but like i was never sure... no offense to the author or anything but i think you have to put in-text that it’s jaeyoon and not assume readers will know based on your art that it’s him... there are too many side characters who show up so it’s not like we’ve ONLY seen taesung/sunny/young so far so now this 4th person who shows up has to be jaeyoon... i mean maybe other readers ID-ed it as him w no issue esp since he shows up being like ‘dude...’ when that other friend is like ‘well jaeyoon was in rehab and stuff’ but i personally think it should’ve been mentioned in-text esp since that face reveal wasn’t nearly dramatic enough to 100% capture readers’ attentions.

otherwise i think the fact that jaeyoon and taesung are similar is a great plot point. jaeyoon was clearly the only friend in that group who saw young and sunny’s relationship accurately so i’m glad sunny had at least one GOOD friend then. jaeyoon is implied to be someone who takes care of others similar to taesung (even if it’s only sunny he dotes over the most) too. other than young’s general possessiveness of sunny, them being similar also explains why young saw jaeyoon as such a threat. but yeah unfortunately i still don’t think it was handled as well as it could have been.

young’s explanation for his behavior towards sunny... i hesitate to say it was the standard “villain redemption” but tbf i think it was a good explanation for his actions even if it felt a little too clean of a conclusion (young letting go of sunny so easily and also apparently realizing and accepting how damaging he was to him). i say it’s partially redeeming bc it shows that young was kind of trapped in such a specific and damaging way of thinking abt life that it affected how he treated sunny but it’s also not really redeeming him bc like. be normal man lol you don’t have to be like that to others.

separate but related note but young’s mindgaming of taesung... when he was like oh everything abt sunny seo you like is bc of me... like DAMN that’s evil and good (writing-wise). although the thing is that young and sunny also haven’t interacted apparently for 5 years so i mean you do have to realize that by the time taesung reunites w him, sunny has developed enough of an individual personality so it’s not ALL young’s shit. 

in my last review i said i felt like i wanted more of young and sunny’s history... tbh i think they gave us enough actually. all we really need to know is that they’ve known each other for a very long time and that young manipulated sunny enough during an impressionable time (young age, college. ppl know how college can be lol) that sunny felt that young was the only one for him. i was actually surprised jaeyoon’s story/details came up so quick in the story (i think it showed up in the 1st half of the manhwa) but i think it was a good point bc the story had to move on to the middle/2nd half of sunny and taesung trying to get their relationship to work. past me was also apparently looking for this scene in the bar apparently where young explains his “reasons” to taesung lol

not really much to say this time abt the hosung x young endgame. still don’t think they should’ve done it or had hosung have unrequited feelings but whatever i guess. tbh i didn’t really realize/connect until this time around that hosung actually was in freelancing art/publishing which was why taesung had him look at sunny’s work lol... i think last time that part in the epilogue hadn’t been translated yet so i just didn’t have the room to make the connection maybs

the epilogue ending... so i actually never read the epilogue ending or at least its eng translation, and i was like hell yea at the full circle shit w sunny being like ‘oh the cherry blossom petals are falling just like when i first met taesung in the infirmary’ but then the ch kept going w taesung and sunny on the beach... idk i think ending it literally at sunny being like ‘w you i feel alive’ was such an abrupt ending... like maybe if they added another panel of them smiling at each other it could’ve been fine but if the author was running low on time i honestly think they could’ve ended it at the scene of sunny accepting his contest award

also when sunny was like ‘yeah lol all my classmates at the children’s book program also get sick all the time’.... i was like bruh this author is prob speaking from actual experience lmao

the other thing abt the ending that was a little random was the quick aside abt taesung’s mom being against their relationship... i mean it was a reference to the mom wanting taesung to get married in the main story but then they dropped it and then suddenly brought it back up again... randomly adding that taesung had a sister who was his contact w their mom... like i get it, it wraps up the loose end of his mom but wow i was uh ok random ch abt potential family conflicts. also where are sunny’s parents lol but that would’ve been too much to get into too regardless of homophobia or not lol

overall it’s still a pretty solid manhwa. stuff proceeds at a good pace and the conflicts/misunderstandings make sense. i said before it’s kinda like a love triangle but it’s really not which works w me bc i don’t like love triangles that much (they stress me out lol); it’s also good bc young is clearly toxic for sunny and it’s good that sunny knows that rather than sunny being like “oh i know he’s bad but also... hmm maybe i can overlook it”. the manhwa’s not perfect -- i still get the sense the writing could be better even if i can’t really enunciate why -- but enough details are tied together that there’s nothing major i have to extrapolate bw (like i can overlook the jooyeon mishap even though it legit threw me off the 1st time i read through). also yes i know the manhwa is based off of a game w characters essentially already established but my understanding is that the author/artist essentially had to write up a lot of the actual story themselves even if they had a general plotline provided to follow

also the final author’s note abt the author personally preferring fucked up stories... when i started rereading i was like wait isn’t this the same artist for that one manhwa where the characters look like the k!lling st@lking? mains and even if i didn’t remember i would’ve realized w that author’s note lol. i think fortunately for them that sunny isn’t an entirely “pure” character so they had enough room to make him a little more twisted.

[a-student-out-of-time]

You taunted him about how pointless shooting you in the head would be... so he shot you in the chest instead. Either you really lucked out or those were some sick fucking mindgames.

Hehe...I’m a little surprised that worked, to be honest.

[remys-lucky-franc]

Comfort - Remy POV Fic (Queen of Thieves)

“Hey, I wanna ask for a Remy angst. Are you allowed to write angst?”

I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to write this for you, life’s just been a bit crazy between work and studying lately, and it’s so annoying because I’ve had some really nice requests that I’m excited to write for people, but I just haven’t had any time to work on them! Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this @ilovewritingfics 💕

Notes: although it’s written from Remy’s POV (I’ve never written a POV before for anything!), the fic is set in Nikolai’s route, which sounds weird, but you’ll see what I mean. No specific TWs for the fic, it covers Nikolai’s trauma surrounding his family, so if you aren’t up to date and don’t want a spoiler on that, or if it’s upsetting to you, consider giving this one a miss.

Word Count 2100

I want to credit my lovely friend @stopforamoment for her suggestion on the topic for this short fic - thank you lovely.

—-

[MORE] [[MORE]]

Dinner Club. One of my favourite things we do together. Every member of The Gilded Poppy is different and everyone has their own interests, of course. But this is something we can all enjoy, and I love this family time so much: everyone laughing, sharing food, telling stories, teasing each other... It’s always such fun to be part of this, and after a successful heist, it’s even better!

After all, tonight we have a beautiful vintage fencing sword in our possession! I know, it’s part of a much larger plan, but for tonight at least, stealing it has made Niko really happy, and that makes me happy. He’s sitting at the end of the table with a glint in his eye, listening to Daisy and Leon chatter joyfully about the (I must say, very predictable) ‘twist’ at the end of some romance novel. It’s a glint that I’ve seen a lot since Daisy joined our (very attractive) crime family. I smile to myself as I watch how her cheeks colour so prettily when she notices his eyes fixed on her, like she’s the only person in the room. It’s been a long time since I’ve saw Niko’s interest pique the way it does when she’s close by, if ever, actually. The energy between them, it’s something quite unique: special. She’s a match for him in ways I’ve never seen before, and the challenge is good for him. It’s like she set off a spark in him and all of the wonderful things that make him Niko, are just ‘more’ with her around. I watch them play their game - anticipation, flirtation, power and control - I’m well-versed in ‘love’ and seduction (some would say ‘a master’) but this something else: it’s not part of a con, not something ‘to get out of your system’... I only hope Daisy doesn’t tire of it, because I’ve never seen someone get the better of Nikolai Stirling the way she can.

I lean forward skewering something delicious from the sharing platter in front of me, popping it into my mouth, laughing along to the friendly debate Zoe, Jett and Vivienne are having. Vivienne’s losing her argument and is trying to convince me to fight her corner, but I’m too preoccupied with how I could use my conman charms to ‘gently persuade’ my best friend and Daisy to forget who is winning their mindgames and push them closer together. Niko will hate me meddling, but it’s for his own good! Maybe tomorrow I can-

My plotting is abruptly ended as the waiter heading to a table behind us is jostled by a man who tries to squeeze past him in a space that’s too narrow. It’s like the world slows down... I can see what’s unfolding, but I’m powerless: I have no time, no way of stopping it. The waiter loses his footing, one arm flailing. I’m holding my breath! He recovers (barely) without falling over, but not before the glass of Amarone perched on his tray swirls and sloshes to one side, a crescendo of blood-red bursting free down the front of Nikolai’s crisp white shirt. The bold bouquet of fruit and spice hits my nose as deep red splatters bleed and seep across the fabric. Nikolai is frozen, complete horror etched across his face. Suddenly, all I can see is the scared fifteen year-old I befriended on the streets of Paris carrying a sick kitten.

The waiter has discarded his tray; he’s panicked and apologising to Nikolai, fumbling for a napkin to try to blot away the mess. Our friends have noticed, but before anyone else can react, I’m halfway across the table with the salt cellar slipped inside my pocket. I wrap one comforting arm around Niko, my other hand on the waiters arm, reassuring him (in flawless Italian, of course) that everything is under control and I’ll take it from here. Within seconds, I have Nikolai on his feet, gripping him close to me as I guide him towards the restroom: always moving forward. I keep my free arm across his chest, deliberately, to shield the stains from his sight; leaning in close, chattering to distract him. Anything I can do, anything to keep him walking until I can get him inside. He’s hyperventilating by the time we enter the plush restroom, and fortunately it’s empty.

“Niko? Breathe. Slowly. Come on.”

He’s still not responding, I gently put pressure on his shoulder, manoeuvring him onto an Art Deco-style chaise beside a large mirror. I crouch in front of him, cupping his face in my hands, offering comfort, speaking softly,

“It’s ok. I’m here. Your Remy’s got you. It’s going to be ok. You’re safe.”

It’s a mantra I repeat several times over while he trembles. Minutes feel much longer, but now his breathing is slowing and for the first time since the spillage, he makes eye contact with me. I’m so relieved! I nod and smile before I press a heartfelt kiss to his cheek. The worst has passed. He’s going to be ok.

I pause, taking just a few seconds to catch my own breath: getting him away from the table to a safe space, keeping him moving, it was all automatic, all done on instincts. But now, my mind races. I’m so glad this happened when I was at the table; would anyone else have been able to get him out the way I did? Would he have let anyone else lead him off like this? He looked so vulnerable just now, it breaks my heart to think of it...

‘Focus, Remy. Come on. You’re not done yet.’

I lean back, fingers shifting to his collar, offering him my most suggestive grin,

“Lose the shirt.”

Nikolai manages a weak laugh (I knew that would get him!) as his fingers move toward his buttons, I realise a second too late that his hands are shaking too much to undo them. He mutters a strangled apology and rakes a hand through his dark hair as I make short work of them, startled by just how hard his heart hammers inside his chest, even now, minutes after the incident. He shrugs his way out of the shirt and I take it to the counter, grabbing some paper towels to blot out the liquid before dumpling half of the stolen salt cellar onto the stain. Selecting an expensive-looking cologne from the selection provided, I head back to Niko, spritzing it around him as I go, trying to erase the lingering scent of the alcohol from his nostrils.

As I join him on the chaise, he clears his throat awkwardly, his usually crisp clear voice barely audible at all,

“Thank you.”

I bump my shoulder against his, still trying to lighten the mood,

“Pas de problème.”

He still looks like he’s met a ghost, and I can feel the seat vibrate under me from his agitated tapping foot. But at least he’s speaking to me: when things have happened before, things that have triggered horrible memories for him, sometimes it’s taken hours to get him to even look at me. The first time it happened, long before The Gilded Poppy existed, we were only street kids, sleeping rough and begging. I’ll never forget it as long as I’m alive. A group of men left a bar near where we were hoping to earn a few francs, one of them was worse for wear and fell to the ground, vomiting. It wasn’t until I turned to Niko, ready to make some sassy comment about how the drunk couldn’t hold his liquor or his wallet, that I realised something was very, very wrong. It took hours for him to come back around, and days to feel better afterwards... I didn’t have a very happy childhood, and I was forced to grow up quickly, but not in the same way as Niko. The things he suffered... I can’t help but put myself into his shoes, picturing my family around our small dinner table, my lovely old meme, my mother bringing food to the table, my father chatting to my young brother about school... How unreal it must have felt to Niko, how terrifying. I cannot begin to imagine: to watch your whole family die... And such a painful death... It’s little wonder it haunts him. I scrub my hand across my eyes trying to shake the sickening scene.

I clap my hand on Niko’s knee as I stand, heading back to check how the salt is working on his shirt: it may seem ridiculous, but a conman has to think fast, and you never know when a cleaning tip like this will be useful! Of course, the shirt is looking much better - now I just need to rinse it and dry it off. Almost done. I bustle around the washbasin, running the breast of Niko’s shirt under the piping water, rinsing away the salt, pink dye flowing down the drain, erasing tonight’s events. I hold it up to the lights, smiling as I do.

“I think the shirt will survive, Niko.”

I start the hand drier, just as I hear Niko murmur something, far too low for me to hear over the roar,

“What was that?”

I stop, making my way back across to the chaise, gesturing for Niko to repeat himself. He looks up at me with the saddest blue eyes,

“I never wanted her to see me, like, this. How can she...” His posture visibly stiffens, “She won’t respect me after this?”

I frown. Of course, he’s talking about Daisy. And something in his voice tells me that Daisy’s ‘respect’ isn’t the feeling he’s truly worried about, but while he’s shirtless in a restaurant bathroom really isn’t the best time for me to play Cupid... I try to tell Nikolai that Daisy is the last person who would think any less of him because of this, she is so lovely: surely he knows her well enough, to know that? Daisy is sensitive and kind: she would understand. But he’s still shaken and so agitated about what happened at the table, my honest words make no difference; his barricades are going up and he mutters that he doesn’t want her pity. I make a show of raising one eyebrow at him, and shaking my head before I march back to the hand drier. I love Niko dearly, but he can be so stubborn, it makes me crazy!

Ten minutes later, Niko is looking much more collected, and is back in his gleaming white shirt: I am a man of many talents, it’s true! He straightens himself up in front of the mirror as I watch on: it’s almost as though nothing ever happened. We exit the restroom and rejoin our friends. Everyone is wonderfully discrete: they pretend we never left the table. Niko doesn’t utter a single word for the rest of the evening. His expression is strained and he doesn’t touch a bite of his food - he’s going through the motions but I know he can’t wait for the evening to end. I chip in some delightful anecdotes to help keep the conversation flowing, but what happened tonight weighs heavily on me: what if this happened and I wasn’t here? What if something like this happened on a heist? What if I couldn’t get to him? What would we do? How could I keep my best friend safe? What if something went wrong and I wasn’t around anymore? Who else understands like me?

I meet Daisy’s big brown eyes over the table, concern is written across her face. She really cares for Niko, it’s so obvious. I wish he would let her in... Having someone else who loves you, an extra person in this world looking out for you, to rely on... She could be the best thing that ever happened to him. She could make him happy, I can see it all.

I make a silent promise to myself: they say that love will find a way? Well, it certainly will when Remy Chevalier helps it along.

[redhandedsuggestions]

All of Brown for Mes please!

((Answering these as up to date for her current story in the RP, so some answers may not match previous similar ones. also ily))

Brown- Where do you call home? well, shit. i mean... i don’t really have what most people would consider a home anymore. at least not if you mean like, a physical location that i return to as a place to live. like, i could give you a vague area, which is the Red Wastes and the Rubblebelt and what little remains of the Wilds but i guess most of the cobble roaches would consider me homeless. right now i just go wherever there’s food and a little shelter but... if “home” doesn’t only have to mean a place, then as long as i’m with the Revelers i’m home. they’re my family, my best friends. the reason i’m free of the House. no matter how terrible my life is i always feel happy with them. home

Mocha - How do you like your coffee? (If you like coffee) fuck, i haven’t had coffee in ages! i’d probably drink it straight black right now as long as it meant i could taste some. i mean i drank it mostly black anyway, with a lil bit of cream and sugar, but still

Cinnamon - Which of the “Cinnamon Roll” memes fits you best? (looks like they could kill but is actually a cinnamon roll, looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you, looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll, looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you, or sinnamon roll) see i know i’m “looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you” but even with my scars and shit people tend to assume i’m a fuckin child and would probably label me like “sinnamon roll” or some shit

Tawny - Cats or Dogs? (or any animal for that matter) neutral to both, i guess. if we’re not saying it’s a pet, then i love em both, and wanted every puppy and kitten i ever saw as a kid. but i can’t do pets. not out here

Hickory - How smart are you? Would you consider yourself more book smart or street smart? look, there ain’t any way i can phrase this that won’t sound like i’m bragging, so i’m smart as fuck in both ways. Dimir agents have to be. the Undercity isn’t exactly a nice part of Ravnica and it’s where most of their business is negotiated and a lot of it is carried out. everyone who goes through their training goes through some serious schooling in all the usual shit plus social skills and then we pick up the street smarts on the job if we survive the training. ... if they survive the training

Leather - How “badass” would you say you are? i’m badass as fuck. damn shame so few other Gruul fuckin realize that though

Brunette - If you could change your hair color, what would you change it to? black or red. i’ve glamoured both before while on missions, and even though i had a human skintone in all those glamours i think those two colors look good on me

Gingerbread - What is your favorite holiday? i don’t really like any holidays? even the one festival the Gruul celebrate, Rauck-Chauv, doesn’t really excite me. you can get drunk or give gifts or eat fancy food any day of the year, especially if you’re in one of the Guilds, so why do we need special days for it? besides, Rauck-Chauv is just eating drinking and rioting and like... that’s half of what we do on a daily basis anyway. maybe i just don’t get it cause i didn’t grow up in Gruul

Penny - If you could make a substantial living doing anything, what would you do? uhhh... we talkin legit work or nah? cause as much as i may hate the mindgames of the House i liked being an assassin. it was fun and even challenging sometimes and i’m damn good at killing so why not keep making money off it? if i really gotta do something that isn’t technically illegal... man i dunno. maybe rock climbing or wrestling with my idiot friends.

Chocolate - Do you like chocolate? If so, what is your favorite way to eat it? with strawberries dipped into it, or with the chocolate drizzled over the strawberries! gods it’s been so long since i’ve had chocolate...

Chestnut - Have you ever ridden an animal? If so, which one? i mean, Bial and Krein sure fuck like animals when they get into it. that count? ((no, no it doesn’t. yeah she’s never ridden an animal))

Umber - Who do you call your friend? How many Friends do you have? the Revelers. Bial, Krein, Daegon, and Lormac. the bar crew. Ellie, Alan, Will, and Francois. i... i want to say i’m still friends with Marlo and the others at that camp, but everyone but him probably hates me now so probably not. oh, and Archer obviously! so i guess if i don’t count Marlo’s camp i have nine friends. or seven plus a fiance and a boyfriend? oh fuck I forgot Nick and Seris. how could i forget the guy who adopted a demon? so 11 friends. which is more than i thought at first honestly

Carob - What do you look for in a friend? you can put up with me and the fact that i’m literally fucking cursed or some shit and everyone who cares about or even exists near me inevitably gets hurt?

Cedar - How old are you? 25

Caramel - How much does sugar affect you? it’s never really affected me that much. neither does caffeine, for that matter. a lot of things that affect a lot of humans don’t really work the same on me unless i consume a lot of it in one go.

Mahogany- What is your moral alignment? (Lawful good, Neutral good, Chaotic good, Lawful neutral, True neutral, Chaotic Neutral, Lawful evil, Neutral evil, Chaotic Evil)   Chaotic Good? ((Chaotic Neutral, but mostly because with the way morals are on Ravnica between the different Guilds, things she does that one guild may see as completely normal, in line, expected, and good because it helps the guild and its people may be seen by another guild as heinous. guild morality is fucky lol. what is “good” or “evil” literally depends on the viewpoint of the guild. while most guilds’ morals do line up with our real-world ideas of what is good and evil, some really don’t))

Peanut - Do you have any allergies? i don’t know if it’s technically an allergy? does getting violently sick when you eat something count as an allergic reaction or just your body going “nope”? especially if you don’t even technically “eat” it? cause like if that counts then I’m allergic to Sphynxes. something about their life force always makes me sick if i feed on them

[legendrarry]

Hi, it's CC! Lan Xichen is a good choice to spend an afternoon with! Since we are nearing the end of the event, crackfic question for you! Based on your username, you are an Harry Potter fan, so… any headcanon for crossovers? ^^ What houses would MDZS characters be in an Harry Potter AU for you? What Sects would Harry Potter's characters join in an MDZS AU? Or any other crazy headcanon!

Heyyy CC!!

Ahhhh this month flew by so fast!!! We are near the end aren’t we?! I can't wait to find out who you are tomorrow (or the next day, depending on your timezone!)

AShsjsj A CRACKFIC QUESTION YESSS!! 😍😍😍 I actually don't have any clear headcanons about HP and MDZS together (Other than Draco Malfoy and Lan Wangji having a cold stare off with each other if they ever meet 😂😂) But I DO have thoughts on their house/sect stuff YES I DO!

I'll start off with the MDZS members and their houses—

Wei Wuxian, our boy, just SCREAMS Gryffindor, with his righteous behaviour and all the courage and boldness. The Gryffindor red was MADE for him, enough said.

Lan Wangji will definitly be in Ravenclaw. He is a total bookworm (we all know he is), has a sharp mind is my baby with great wisdom and a heart that always seeks out the truth.

Jiang Cheng = Gryffindor. He is impulsive, a bit hot headed (don't judge him now..) but he loves and protects those he loves fiercely so that's where he belongs!

Jiang Yanli will be in Hufflepuff. She is my sweet little sunshine on a rainy day who radiates kindness like the sun. I can't see her in anywhere else.

Lan Xichen... would also be a hufflepuff? Like I get he has all the wishdom, intelligent aura thing going for him that kind of pushes him towards Ravenclaw but, to me this one is also a Hufflepuff. Our big bro is kind and always always ready to be of help, even if it hurts him in the end and he is just sweet alright!?

JinGuang Yao will land himself swiftly into Slytherin, right by my side! Ambitious, cunning, a strong leader...name any Slytherin trait, he has it all!! Hell, he can even be the poster boy of our house and I'll applaude happily. (Gotta respect the mindgame the man played, I mean come on that was just SICK!)

Nie Huaisang...Do NOT fall for his soft Hufflepuff look this man is a Slytherin through and through. We know how to hold our grudges and we know how to conduct the most graceful plan to bring your demise. He will end your life with an innocent smile, he definitely will. And in this house we love and support his cunning Slytherin ways.

Wen Ning...drop him into hufflepuff. Nothing to see here. He is baby and he needs a warm hug just bring the boy a fluffly yellow sweater come on!

Wen Qing...My lady will make a home in Ravenclaw with Wangi and his bro. She knows what's right and will not back away from pointing it out to you. Your illogical rambling means nothing to her cause she has got a iron brain with an iron heart to go alongside with it!

I feel like I'm forgetting someone but I can't make my brain think so lets now move onto the juniors! Lan Sizhui is also my hufflepuff baby while Lan Jingyi and Jin Rulan lands themselves in Gryffindor.

Now as for the HP characters joining the sects *rubs plams together* I'll be as vauge as possible here...

Yunmeng Jiang Sect :

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley.

Gusu Lan Sect :

Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Astoria Greengrass.

Qinghe Nie Sect

Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom.

Lanling Jin Sect

Blaise Zabini, Pansy Perkinson.

So guess that's.. That?!?! Is this the last ask CC?! If so then pleaae know that I had such a good time talking to you for the last month. Your little asks always made my day and made me smile and I'm thankful to you because of that. I hope you have a great year ahead of you!! Can't wait to talk to you without the anonymity! 💚💚

[queenofallwitches]

Singing cannot be silenced. Secrets will be spilt. Siren serenade to seduce the predator and deter their hunt, I’ll be the one who wins when the end is here. Watch for the rise of sorceress into a slayer of sickness and evil.

To tell my story in poetry and transmute the suffering as I stand before a crowd to perform as a warrior goddess rockstar. To slay with the weapons woven into my words, singing to purge a lifetime of hurt. Trauma to transmute my tales of desolation into something I can scream, singing a symphony of music created by my burning passion, my rage, my pain, my chains that I’m using this to break free of, to burn into an inferno, after being blackened, sullen ashes. I rise in flame and forged by fire, under the moons of Neptune with my sight set on transmuting my plight into a sound that is sacred, but soothing, and satiates the longing within my siren soul, to sing my truth, my testament; my towering anger built up after a lifetime of seething pain.

All those who have maimed me, or raped me, or scarred me without due cause, tonight I let my soul free from the birdcage it’s been bound by, under the bittersweet sky of attempting to survive in the daily brimstone, fire, called a liar when I wailed silently, with conviction, without being able to even have the right to my own pain because everyone in my life siphoned my kindness, my compassion and my ability to be open and non judgemental, generous and open to helping whenever I could. But after decades of being a people pleaser I became fed up of the pain when nothing could be gained from my nice disposition, inside I was seething in pain. But my nature is genuine in the most highest form someone can be, I was never something that would intentionally harm or maliciously behave in ways to hurt others. I seemed to be the one being stung.

Call it 12th house sun bad luck or just the karmic debts there within, I was the scapegoat, the one to blame, the one who was always betrayed. I always had people coming and going and no matter where or when, I couldn’t handle the emptiness that comes along when you are so young, year after year; fearful. Anxious. Outside the norm of society and the weird and awkward girl that people just string along because she’s “open to being friends with anyone”. But after decades of perpetually being manipulated, drained of my energy and life force, sucked dry emotionally; mentally and spiritually, walked on, stabbed in the back, strung along, lied too, bitched about behind my back by people I’d of taken a bullet for... I shut myself into solitude, stopped going to social events. I was tired, of trying but no matter how I behaved, I was the one to blame, the one who allegedly brought with her turmoil, and melodramatic petty pains. I walked away from all people who were unable to look inside to their own self, to reflect and introspect. Tired of being called out for making a mess when I was always the one without any malicious intent. Loyalty is a value I hold strong faith in. It’s rare to find a loyal friend, and each time he opened my soul enough, to who I was trusting to behave in the same way, I’d be betrayed. I’ve never had a strong circle of female friends, or companions, or mentors. I’ve met one or two across the way, but never can I integrate a group of women without some kind of toxicity or pathetic, bitchy mindgames that convoluted social interactions with malicious intentions. I always hated gossip, rumours and bitching and girls had to always engage even if I tried to ignore it, fence sitting doesn’t align to my value of loyalty. I was sick of trying to choose sides of something that was manufactured out of nothing and not my problem. People are notioriously picking at one another without seeing the importance of how women; especially need to be uplifting and elevating each other to build each other up and work on projects that are combining minds to create a world that can be being used for the selfish and sadistic parasitic needs of leeches and liars.

Listen to sorcery in la sirena song, I’ll be spilling the truth and you’ll be ready to take the fall. For I have nothing left to hide.

I

Am

Authentic

Honest

Raw

Truth

[toxic-excess]

Are you happy or are you so far up your own ass that you don't even know when you're running anymore?

Listen motherfuckerI spent most of my life profoundly Unhappy. I know the damn difference.

I’m going to hold on to the things that make me happy and I’ll be damned if some random anonymous shithead makes me feel like I don’t deserve it! Mistakes get made sometimes, fine, I can work on that, but you can fuck right off with this guilt-trip bullshit!You’ve got no right picking at me for the fun of it and you’ve got no right putting words in my boyfriends mouths either for the record! Your stupid mindgame bullshit is real old, I’m sick of seeing you do it to the people I care about and I’m definitely not going to let you do it to me!

[iplaywithstring]

On Fiber Arts and Chronic Illness

I was sitting outside today, picking some fleece I had washed over the summer, and reflecting on how thankful I am to do fiber arts. 

I’ve got myalgic encephalomyelitis and endometriosis. Some days I appear well, other days I’m unable to get out of bed. My energy and ability to function (stand, walk, even sit upright) are limited. I’m able to knit, spin, weave, and sometimes dabble in other things as well (bookbinding, macrame, crochet).

- I get to push back against entropy. I’m bringing order to chaos, creating something new out of string. I can make beautiful, intricate things. I can make useful, functional things. I can blend both into practical art.  - It’s slow work, and that’s ok. There’s no rush, no dedadlines, and even if I compared myself to healthy people I’m still about average instead of feeling inadequate. Progress is wonderful to see - It’s work I can do. Weaving (especially setting up the loom) has to wait for my good days, but on all but my worst days, I can spin a bit (support spindles work great in bed!) or knit a few rows - On days when I can’t even manage to hold my knitting, I have an easier time acknowledging that no really, I’m ill, I need to rest. Fewer internal mindgames about “faking” or “not that bad”. If I can hold my knitting, then I get to still feel capable, even if it’s a small thing - A reminder I’ve got a place in society (well, historically anyway, and post apocalypse). Some aspects are labour intensive, but the thing most needed for this work is time. Send me back 200 years and I’m still able to sit quietly for a while and pick fleece, and that act was valued.  I’m sure lots of other art/craft/hobbies have the same sort of benefits, but I fell into fiber arts just before I first got sick with the ME. I had just gotten into spinning, and then ended up too ill to do it, so I ordered a support spindle. I started working with raw wool - washing and carding it in small batches - and felt so connected to the work and to history. It felt so good to build a skill, to research and learn new methods, to participate in something that had community. I wasn’t excluded from participating because of my limitations, and that was such a wonderful thing to find. 

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 187

Is this the best episode?    It might be.   Unfortunately, Larry’s camera doesn’t work, so most of Dragon World can’t witness it.  

Nice shot of the squad to start us off.   

So last time, Cell tried to fight Super Saiyan 2 Gohan and it didn’t go well.   He only landed one punch, and only after he used his maximum power, and it didn’t do anything.   Then Gohan hit him twice and left him reeling.    By now, it’s clear which one of them is stronger and faster, but what can Cell do?    Surrender?  This whole stupid tournament was his idea.   Apologize?   We’re way past that.  Run away?  Where can he go?  

Besides, Cell’s too pissed to consider his situation.   All along, he’s put his faith in Dr. Gero’s design.   He’s supposed to be the ultimate life form, despite looking nothing like Shadow the Hedgehog.   All he had to do was follow Gero’s posthumous instructions and he’d become invincible, but now he’s done all of that and he’s still found himself backed into a corner.   He can either deny it and keep fighting, or he can accept that his entire existence is based on an empty promise.  

What’s amazing to me here is how Cell keeps  throwing the same kick, even after Gohan blocks it, and then he screams “stop mocking me!” I mean, yeah, I guess what Gohan is doing counts as mockery, but he’s also just clearly superior to Cell.   

As if in response to Cell, Gohan grabs Cell’s leg, charges up, and kicks him in the face.   If you’re watching the original Funimation dub, this is where “Gohan Fights Frieza” plays again, and it’s awesome.

Cell gets up, but all he can do is wonder how it came to this.   The first time I saw this episode, I started to think about what he did the last time he was in this sort of pinch, and he absorbed an android to leapfrog his opponents’ power level.   Only there are no more androids to absorb.   Cell is complete.   There’s no miracle power-ups waiting for him.    He’s completely on his own now.  

So Cell tries.... Destructo Discs.   Really?  Pretty sure this is filler again, but it’s kind of silly for Cell to whip out his genetically inherited techniques now.    Those gimcracks didn’t work on Goku, and they didn’t work on Gohan when the Cell Juniors tried them.

This time, Gohan just stops the discs in mid-flight and disperses them with his power.   In a way, we’ve come full circle.    When Cell first became Perfect, Krillin hit him with a Destructo Disc and it was completely ineffective.    Now Cell’s the one using the same move, and with the same result.  

Next, Cell fires a Special Beam Cannon, and asks what Gohan’s going to do this time.   

Well, Gohan just deflects it, same way Piccolo did back when Imperfect Cell used it on him way back when.   I mean, there’s a reason Piccolo doesn’t use this much after the Saiyans Saga.   

Then Cell uses.... I guess that rapid-fire attack Frieza used on Piccolo in his Third Form?    It doesn’t look quite the same, but I don’t know anyone else who does it like this.   None of it works.   In the dub, Cell observes that the blasts passed right through Gohan, but I’m pretty sure they sort of slipped around him instead.   Either way, no dice.

Over where Mr. Satan is, he announces that he’s so impressed with Gohan’s performance that he plans to make him his apprentice.    Piroshki and Caroni aren’t keen about this, since they’re Satan’s star pupils, but Satan tells them they’re expelled.   Geez.   Anyway, Jimmy Firecracker finally breaks kayfabe and tells Mr. Satan that Gohan clearly has far more impressive powers than any of them, but Satan insists that he could teach the boy to become even greater.  

This part here’s super awesome.    Cell was so busy being pissed that he forgot that Gohan’s still trying to kill him.    When all his attacks fail, Gohan starts walking towards him, and his frustation gives way to fear.

The narration of Cell’s emotional state is truly terrific, but I’m also fond of the dub version of this scene, where Gohan speaks to him, and essentially describes Cell’s thoughts aloud.   

“What are you so afraid of, Cell?   Isn’t this what you wanted?   I warned you!  I told you what would happen if you pushed me too far!   But you didn’t listen!   You forced me to awaken my hidden power.    And now that you’ve seen it, you’re afraid, because you know that I’m going to destroy you!”

And then Cell makes this priceless face.    This is what I love so much about the character.   Throughout his run as the main villain, Cell’s been a lot of things.  He’s mostly known for being this brick wall that the other characters can’t overcome.   But he’s also been a hideous horror-movie creature, and a smarmy wise-ass.   He’s also been known to play mindgames with the heroes, like when he tempted Vegeta to let him become perfect, and when he invited Goku to eat a senzu bean during their fight.     There’s layers to Cell.    He can do more than just eat people and kick ass.    And now, we come to the final phase of Cell’s character, when he’s completely outmatched, and he becomes a panicky coward.   

Desperate, Cell jumps into the air and fires a Kamehameha wave down below.   Essentially, this is the same thing Vegeta did back in the Saiyans Saga.   If Gohan dodges the blast, it’ll destroy the planet, so he has to take this head on.  

But Gohan just fires back an even bigger Kamehameha to put an end to that dilemma.   Cell ends up getting overwhelmed and engulfed in the blast.

Everyone thinks that’s the end of Cell, because those big energy blasts usually do the trick in the movies, but Cell’s still alive!    He’s lost part of his legs, most o his left arm, his wings, and those things on his head, but he’s still alive.

And that doesn’t bother Gohan at all.  

As Goku watches this, he flashes back to the day he learned Gohan had this kind of potential.    They were in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, and Goku wanted to call it a day after a 20-hour training session, when....

... Gohan stood up and asked to keep going a while longer.

Then he made that same face he’s making at Cell right now...

... and then he turned SSJ2, but only for a moment.    This flashback is filler, but it makes some sense.   Goku must have seen some hint of Gohan’s true ability in the Chamber, or why else would have come out of the Chamber early?  

The only thing missing here is the part where Cell actually dies.    Piccolo reminds them that Cell will just regenerate if they leave him alone long enough, and Goku calls out to Gohan to put a bow on this thing already.

But Gohan refuses.    He wants Cell to suffer a while longer first.   And this is where things take a turn for the worse.    As badly as Gohan is beating Cell here, it’s all for nothing if Gohan won’t actually kill the guy.    I think the most popular interpretation of this is that Gohan is so angry at Cell that he’s just not thinking clearly.   He wants to punish Cell for everything he’s done, to the point where he’s lost sight of his original objective.  There’s also some youthful inexperience at play here.   

That’s probably all true, but I think there’s another side to this.   Despite his rage, I think Gohan still can’t quite bring himself to kill Cell.     Maybe I’m way off, since he killed the Cell Juniors, and he killed some of Frieza’s men back on Namek, but those were sudden, impulsive kills.    Cell may not be strong enough to beat Gohan, but he’s still powerful enough that Gohan will have to work a little to kill him, which means he’s got to make a conscious decision to end Cell’s life.   That may be a road he just can’t bring himself to cross, even after everything that’s happened.  

In the manga, Goku pleads for Gohan to take Cell out now, pointing out that there’s no telling what Cell might do if he gets desperate.    The dub and the Japanese script of the anime don’t put it that way, which is kind of a shame, because I liked that wording.    There’s really no telling what Cell might do if he’s completely cornered.     By torturing him this way, Gohan is only giving Cell time to think of what he can stoop to.

First, Cell just starts swearing, which is pretty understandable.

Then he gets huuuuuuuge!    That’s right, it’s time for Perfect Cell (Dummy Thicc).  

I love this visual, because Cell keeps getting bigger and meaner and louder, and it looks like Gohan’s this plucky little kid being terrorized by a horrible monster, but Cell’s the one’s who’s scared right now.    All he knows to do now is to try to frighten Gohan back, and it just ain’t working.

As Trunks points out, Cell’s making the same mistake that Trunks did back when Trunks and Cell fought.   I’m not even sure Cell realizes it.   He’s just so upset that he started powering up, until his body got super bulky and slow.    So now he’s still no match for Gohan and he’s a bigger target.  And this is probably why Gohan didn’t listen when Goku warned him to finish Cell off quickly.    Yeah, we don’t know what Cell might do, but what can he do?  If this is all he has left to try, what difference does it make?

Gohan just kicks the shit out of his face, and that calms him down a bit.  

My favorite line from the dub version of this episode happens here, when Cell exclaims: “You’re not a boy!   You’re a monster!”

Then Gohan follows up with a kick to the gut before Cell can even finish reacting to the last hit.    For those of you keeping score, SSJ2 Gohan has only hit Cell six times so far.   Two punches in the previous episode, then that kick to the face, the big Kamehameha, another kick to the face, and now this kick to the gut. 

Then this happens.    GPOY.  

See?   Cell was coughing up green fluid in the last episode, but this time it’s purple.   What’s up with this guy?  

That kick to the stomach fucked Cell uuuuup.    He can’t stand, and he keeps drooling.

Oh, and he’s still trapped in an endless war against a Super Saiyan 2.    Not a great place to take a sick day.

Then this.    Holy shit, what is he doing now?

Piccolo calls it.   By now, he figures Cell has become so weak that he can’t remain in his perfect form.   Not quite sure how Piccolo picked up on this, unless he noticed Cell’s ki dropping below the level he was at in his Semiperfect form.   

Okay, but why is he doing this, exactly? He looks like he’s about to throw up--

OH SHIT!    HOLY SHIT!    HOLY SHIT HE JUST BARFED UP 18!   

Gohan’s just watching this and smiling like a sick li’l bastard.    There’s no way he knew this would happen, but he looks pretty pleased about it.  

Okay, so the implication is that Cell sucked 18 up into his torso and just left her in tact?   Like she was balled up in his abdomen somewhere?   And maybe 17 too?   Only that doesn’t make any sense.    It looks plausible here, but that’s because Cell expanded himself to three times his normal size.    In his usual self, he wouldn’t be big enough to contain 17 or 18 whole.   

Also, we’ve seen big chunks of Cell get blown away since he became perfect.   Between Vegeta’s Final Flash, Goku’s Warp Kamehameha, and Gohan’s Kamehameha in this episode, most of the Cell we’re looking at is not the original.  I think his knees, thighs, pelvis, and the left half of his chest are about the only parts of him where 17 or 18 could have been stowed away.   

Past a point, you just have to say “It’s a cartoon” and move on, but my guess is Cell’s body dismantled 17 and 18 and assimilated their bodies into his own.    But the process was reversible, so if Cell ever got hurt badly enough, his body would reject one or both androids and he’d regurgitate them.   Shouldn’t 18 have come out of his tail, though?    That’s how she went in.     It’s just a cartoon.  An awesome, awesome cartoon.

I’m just going to leave this here without comment.

So yeah, Cell’s totally screwed, but the thing is, he was totally screwed in the last episode.   How much worse can it get for him?   How much more is Gohan going to do to this guy before he finally pulls the plug?