#I’m running out of fanfics to read so I’ve decided to write my own

[princeanon]

As a treat, here’s an excerpt from a WIP Bencutio fanfic that’s been in my notes app for a few months

It was a well known fact that Benvolio Montague did not enjoy parties. The noise, crowds, and thick scent of perfume and wine buzzed under his skin and made his head swim more than alcohol ever could.

Of course, being an unofficial heir to the Montague family (second only to Romeo) meant that his presence at party after party was not just welcome, but required.

So he would smile through the noise, the crowds, and the adults who were supposed to be securing a future for their families, but instead stumbled about with alcohol on their breaths. However, that didn’t mean he would enjoy it.

Which brought Benvolio to his current situation; he had somehow found himself at yet another party. The only difference? This was a party he was certainly NOT welcome at.

On any other day, level-headed Benvolio prided himself on his rational thinking, and would not have even considered sneaking into a Capulet masquerade without proper disguises, or at all.

That being said, Romeo had cranked his moping level to a new extreme recently, and had spent the entire morning walking aimlessly around town with a storm cloud above his head. He desperately needed a distraction, Benvolio desperately needed him to stop complaining, and well, maybe Benvolio could use the distraction too.

“Figured I’d find you here.”

Is it just a retelling of I.v but gayer? Yes. Anyway I’m like, 2/3rds done with it so maybe it’ll go on ao3 eventually

[pathologicalreid]

buried alive | S.R.

in which the BAU races against the clock to rescue you from a killer team

who? spencer reid x fem!BAU!reader

category: angsty

content warnings: kidnapping, case stuff (murder yk), suffocation, being buried alive, hospitals, blood, nausea, CPR, funerals, use of pet names, guns, and drugs. i think that's all.

word count: 2.9k

a/n: okay, so i've been reading so much spencer fanfic and i started writing it and yesterday i realized i have 20 fics written and they're doing no one any good just sitting on my computer. i decided to finally try posting one. i wrote fanfic in high school (so like seven years ago) but this is my first time writing for a TV show. i've also never really posted on tumblr so please bear with me while i try to figure out formatting. tysm for checking out my post.

part two part three

You walked into the conference room and dropped the file on the table, allowing it to land on the wood with a satisfying splat. “The unsub’s burying them alive,” you said, letting the rest of the team know the conclusion you had come to with the medical examiner. “The M.E. found metal shavings and satin threads under the nails of our last victim. The most common materials to make up a casket.”

“There’s no way someone could bury someone alive in a casket alone, we’ve got to be dealing with a team, at least three people,” Emily concluded, standing in front of the evidence board.

It was the team’s third day on a case in Nebraska, four women had been discovered dead. Asphyxiation by hypoxia. Carbon dioxide poisoning.

“Approximately 420 people in the United States die from accidental carbon dioxide poisoning every year,” Spencer said, grabbing the file off of the table and flipping through it, taking a few seconds to read through it.

Rossi looked over Reid’s shoulder to look at the file, “but there’s nothing accidental about these deaths. Who would have access to these caskets?”

You shook your head, placing a hand on the back of Spencer’s chair, “A funeral director seems most likely.” You looked around at the Omaha field office, different agents running about in an attempt to solve these very murders. “They’d have the most access, write it off as displays. It could be hard to match the materials since they’re so common.”

Hotch leaned over the table and pressed the conference phone, “What can I do you for?” Garcia’s bright voice rang through the speaker.

“Garcia, I need you to look into funeral homes within the comfort zone. Look for a director who’s ordered more caskets than they’ve had funerals. Find anything, nothing is too small.” He told her.

“Absolutely, I’ll hit you back when I’ve got something,” she said, hanging up the phone.

There ended up being four funeral homes in the unsub’s comfort zone, so the team split up. You went with two locals to a family-owned business, Garcia had sent you all of the files you’d need on the location. “It looks like the Varn family has been in the funeral business since the seventeenth century,” you read aloud to the two agents you were in the car with.

“Does it mean they’re more or less likely to be the killers if they’ve been in business for so long?” One of the agents asked you, a younger man named Harrison.

You pursed your lips as you continued to look over the files, “I’m not seeing any glaringly obvious stressors before the murders started, but over the years I’ve learned that’s no reason to write someone off. Psychopaths can be tipped off by the slightest thing. Things none of us would bat an eye at.”

Harrison nodded in the passenger seat, looking over to his partner Jimmy, “You and your guy sure do make an interesting pair.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment, so thank you.” You and Spencer never explicitly stated to the field office that you were dating, but you walked into the precinct this morning holding hands. The agents must have drawn their own conclusions.

The younger officer cleared his throat, “It is a compliment, ma’am. The two of you are very impressive, your whole team is.”

You smiled, “Thank you, Harrison.”

The funeral home was run by a mother and her two sons, you held up your credentials for the mother when you knocked on the door. “Are you Sheila Varn?” You asked her, raising your eyebrows.

“Yes, what’s this about?” She inquired. She didn’t really look the part of a serial killer, a middle-aged woman who was running her family business.

Pocketing your credentials, you spoke, “We’re investigating the recent murders in the area and we were wondering if you had samples of the materials your caskets are made out of. Might we be able to come in?” You asked, adding a charming smile for effect.

Something flashed across her face before she returned your smile, opening the door and welcoming the three of you inside. “Hold on, let me get my boys up here. They’re so much more versed in the goings on of the town than I am,” she said, opening the door and calling for her sons. Felix and Joss came up the stairs from the basement, now they definitely had the physique to load dead women into caskets and bury them alive.

“Why don’t you two men come with me? I’ll get you those samples,” Sheila said, motioning for the agents you were with to follow her. To your horror, they followed her around the corner. “Felix, Joss, show this young lady what you know,” she instructed.

You took a deep breath before you looked up at the two men.

They were tall, maybe Spencer’s height, but they were built like wrestlers. There was no way you could physically subdue them on your own.

You passed out before you even had the chance to pull your gun.

Hotch was in full Unit Chief mode, Spencer watched from the corner of the room as he separated people into groups and gave them specific instructions. JJ and Morgan walked into the precinct, “What’s going on?” JJ asked looking around the room.

“The Varn Family is the team; two agents were found drugged on the side of the road and when we went to the funeral home Y/N was missing. Her badge, gun, and phone were all there, covered in blood,” Spencer said morosely, watching as Hotch finished giving orders and called the rest of the team over.

Your picture was up on the evidence board with the word “missing” written in bold letters beneath it. All of your belongings had been put into evidence for the time being. “Reid?” Hotch said his name, causing his head to snap up. “Are you okay to keep working?”

Spencer nodded affirmatively, “Yes.”

“Good, I need you to estimate how much time we have, I want a clock on these screens,” he ordered.

Morgan turned to Reid, “What do you think she has, kid?”

“The tidal volume for the average adult is point five at rest. That ends up being about six liters per minute. The average casket is approximately 886 liters in total volume and the average volume of the human body is 66 liters, leaving 820 liters to be filled with air for her to breathe. If she’s been gone for half an hour already, I’d estimate she has less than five hours of breathable air left.” Spencer explained, doing all of the math in his head while Emily put a timer on the screen next to the evidence board.

After a moment, Hotch continued, “Rossi, JJ, go back to the funeral home. Tear it apart, there has to be something there we haven’t found yet. The rest of us will split the list of cemeteries in the comfort zone and search them.”

“That’s a lot of ground to cover, we don’t have anything else to go on?” Morgan asked, looking at the list of burial sites he had been handed.

Hotch looked at Spencer, but Spencer stayed silent. “That’s all we have right now,” Hotch responded, “hopefully we’ll come across leads as we go.”

It smelled like a garden around you. The memory reminded you of spring with your mother, tending to the vegetable garden.

The only difference was that instead of the sun beaming down on you, it was pitch black. The space surrounding you was so dark that you weren’t totally sure your eyes were open.

Your head was throbbing just above your right temple, and you observed your surroundings. Slowly, you lifted your arm until it hit a ceiling.

Not a ceiling. A lid. You were in a casket. You pressed one hand to your chest and tried to slow your breathing. Chances were that the casket was already buried beneath the surface of the earth, trying to open it could be catastrophic. You patted the pockets of your jeans, only to find your phone missing, so the team wouldn’t be able to trace the location.

Even if you had it, there likely wouldn’t be service six feet under.

Your team would find you. They had to find you.

They found Spencer, they found Emily, and they would find you.

Spencer shifted in the passenger seat of the SUV, “You know, carbon dioxide poisoning is a rather peaceful way to die.”

“Reid,” Morgan said, turning the vehicle onto the main road, they had just finished scouring over another cemetery with still no sign of you.

He sighed and stared at his hands, “No, it’s good. We see so many people killed in so many different ways that it’s good that she won’t be in pain when she runs out of air.” He tried to convince himself.

Morgan cleared his throat, “We aren’t out of time yet, kid. We can still find her. Y/N’s smart, I’m sure she found a way to make more air or something.”

But they were running out of time, less than an hour remained on the timer set on all of their phones.

They pulled into the next cemetery, “There’s some fresh dirt over there, what are the names on the graves of people who were actually recently buried?”

Spencer starts to recite the names, and the two of them start to comb through the cemetery.

You had done enough research on this case to understand what was going on. The light-headed feeling had started not long ago, but now you felt like you were spinning, despite the knowledge that you were stuck in place.

It was a high. Not unlike the good kids high. Except instead of trying to chase a feeling, you were dying.

The timer went off when they were still scouring graves, shovels in hand. Derek stopped in his tracks, but Spencer kept going.

“Wait,” Spencer called out, reading the name on the card next to the fresh grave he was standing at, he moved to start digging. “Essie Dunbar was a thirty-year-old woman who was mistakenly buried alive in 1915,” he said, digging. “This has to be it.”

Derek called Hotch, putting the call on speakerphone so he could help Spencer dig. “Hotch, we got her, but she’s buried.”

“We’re on our way, Omaha police have one of the brothers in custody,” Hotch told Emily to have an ambulance dispatched.

What Reid knew that Derek didn’t was that it could take four hours to dig a grave by hand. The soil had been overturned, so maybe call it three. Your odds were still negligible. He didn’t stop, he didn’t stop when a caretaker came running at them, and he didn’t stop when Derek told him to get his digging equipment out here now.

Derek flashed his FBI badge to get what they needed. He had to physically pull Spencer back from the grave so the backhoe could dig, only going until there was less than a foot between them and the casket.

Spencer crudely attached a chain to the casket and the caretaker's vehicle. Carefully, the caretaker dragged the white container out of the earth and up a slant they had dug. It was locked shut, “Reid, move,” Derek ordered.

He leaned back and Derek fired at the lock, taking it off and opening the casket. Spencer gasped, there was blood on the side of your head, dried and raked through your hair. He was vaguely aware of Hotch and Emily arriving as they pulled you out of your satin prison. You had no pulse, but you were still warm. Immediately, Spencer started CPR.

“Reid let me do it,” Derek insisted.

What he was trying to say is that he shouldn’t have to be the one to try to save your life.

Morgan repeated himself and Spencer pulled away, allowing the other agent to immediately take over. There was a siren in the background, an ambulance. More people showed up, Spencer heard their voices, but he just kept watching you. CPR was effective if it was done shortly after your heart stopped, and even then, permanent brain damage was likely.

It had been eight minutes since they pulled you out of the ground. Clinically, you were dead for eight minutes before you gasped.

Spencer smoothed your hair back, away from your face, while you desperately tried to catch your breath. You weren’t moving, and Spencer started running through symptoms of hypoxia. His biggest fear was brain damage, that they had done more harm to you in bringing you back than they would have had you died.

The EMTs came running over to where everyone had gathered, dispersing the crowd, and placing an oxygen mask over your face. As they were loading you on the stretcher, you started trying to talk, reaching your arm out to your side. “Wait, what’s she saying?” JJ asked.

“Sometimes it’s hard to talk after CPR,” the male EMT said as they moved you closer to the ambulance. He listened to what you were saying, “It’s not coherent.”

Spencer didn’t move, all of the adrenaline that had been coursing through his body all day was leaving.

Aphasia. They were saying the lack of oxygen to your brain was causing aphasia. “No,” Emily said, realization dawning on her features as she strained to listen to you. You were whispering, rasping the same word over and over again. “She’s saying ‘Spence.’”

He stood quickly and looked at you, sure enough, you were reaching out your hand and whispering, “Spence, Spence.” Your voice no more than a whisper.

Grabbing your hand, Spencer squeezed it, “I’m here,” he answered. “It’s okay, it’s over,” he told you, moving your hair out of your face. Spencer secured your oxygen mask over your face as you tried to take it off, “You have to keep this on, angel.”

To his relief, you squeezed his hand back.

You had been instructed to get some rest, but you couldn’t close your eyes. You asked Spencer to go back to the hotel and change his clothes because he smelled like dirt, and it made you nauseous. Your head had been bandaged, you’d been run through an MRI, and you did an EEG, so far, the only brain damage that had been incurred seemed temporary.

According to the doctors, the nausea and fatigue should wear off, but they hadn’t been able to fully assess if any permanent damage was done. At this point, the worst of your injuries had been caused by being given CPR, resulting in cracked ribs.

Despite your headache, you kept most of the lights on in your hospital room, not quite ready to be left in the darkness again. “Hey,” a voice called from your doorway, Spencer stood, waiting to be invited in. He was wearing different clothes, a button-up with a green cardigan thrown over it, and clean pants. “How are you feeling?”

A nasal cannula slightly restricted your movement, but you were sat up in the hospital bed, “Better than I was, but not perfect.”

He shook his head, walking in and taking a seat next to you, “No one expects you to be perfect right now.” Gently, he reached out and took your hand, skimming the pad of his thumb over your knuckles. “They found the mother and the other son, and all three of them are going to go away for a long time,” he told you, speaking in the kind of hushed, reverent tones that are reserved for hospitals.

You sighed and tilted your head back, “Good,” you maundered. “That’s uh, good,” your voice was barely audible.

“So why do you look so worried?” He asked, leaning in closer to you.

In an attempt to dismiss his concern, you joked, “I think I owe Morgan some sort of life debt now.”

Spencer offered you a soft smile, “The two of you tend to trade those off, I’m sure you’ll find some way to make it up to him.” He inclined his head towards you as if to silently say, So what is it really?

You swallowed thickly, “I’m scared to close my eyes, Spence.”

His shoulders dropped, “oh, Angel,” he breathed. “Is there anything I can do for you?” He asked, looping a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. “Wait, what are you doing?” He asked, watching you as you lifted yourself, so you were on one side of the bed.

Shyly, you patted the new empty half of the bed, inviting him to sit next to you.

He had no choice but to comply, he had the hardest time saying no to you. Leaning the bed back slightly, Spencer kicked off his shoes before he laid down next to you, wrapping an arm around you as you set your cheek on his shoulder.

Your body relaxed into his and you sighed, “Spence?” You murmured.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of your head, “Yes, angel?” He whispered back to you.

“Thanks for coming to save me,” you mumbled, slowly relaxing enough to fall asleep.

Spencer exhaled, “I’m always going to come to save you.”

part two

[gamercookies]

Need help on what..? 

Genre: Smut, enemies to lovers 

Word Count: 3.1k 

Warnings: “fuckboy”!hyunie, virgin!y/n, a bit of fighting (word/physical), unprotected sex, dirty talk, spanking,fingering, grinding, use of “daddy”.  Note: this is the most I spent writing lol, I will rarely write fanfics it’s been 3 months Might have a few misspellings. But I feel this is the best I’ve made in my opinion :3 Enjoy!! 

Your enemy Hyunjin, whom you heard he’s a fuckboy, have been enemies for as long as you could remember. One day, you decided to swallowed your pride and approached him for help with a homework assignment, What could possibly go wrong if he comes over? 

“H-hey.. Hyunjin?” You say with a shy smile.

“Ugh.. it’s you.. what do you want?!” He says in an irritated tone, but not loud to scare you.

“I was wondering.. if you can help me with a homework assignment. I’m a bit confused on the math, and I assume you must know an idea?” 

Hyunjin scoffs and smirks a bit, “is there a catch? You’re always mad when I tease you and shit, why ask me when you can ask anyone else in this school?” 

“Yeah but most of them don’t even know the basics of it.. but I have to ask you.. since you know it. Ugh.. whatever! but I need help so..please?” 

“Please? …” He stays silent thinking for a moment. “Fine, whatever. Where should we meet up I guess..”

“I was wondering at my place later today, around 6PM?” You ask with a smile. 

"Your place?" Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, clearly skeptical about the arrangement. "Why not here or somewhere public? It seems like you're trying to trap me alone with you."

“Am not! I’m literally asking for homework help nothing else!” You say as you push him gently.

He stumbles back a bit, "But fine, whatever. I'll come to your place at 6 PM. Don't think this means I'm being “mr.nice guy” on you just because I’m helping you with the homework." His tone is playful yet assertive, but yet seducing. 

“See you later then bitch.!” He yells from across the hall as he leaves, yet teasing you once more. 

“H-hey! don’t call me that you asshole!” You yell back as you walk to the exit to start heading home. 

….

At home, you arrive getting welcomed by your cat (you own one) and you pet its fur. “Aww you miss me? don’t worry I’m home. I’ll go and grab some food for you to eat.” You go to the kitchen cabinet and grab the cat food. Dumping some onto the cat bowl you slowly start thinking about hyunjin.. You tell yourself, “why am I thinking about that asshole, he’s a pain in the ass at most..?” 

As you put the cat food away, you bend down to give the bowl, and placing it in front of your cat. You then head to your bedroom, all cozy, organized, your laptop well placed. Of course after a long day, and now that your cat is eating, you go take a shower. After 10 minutes later you walk out of the shower the cold breeze hitting your body. As you dry your hair, you head over to your desk, where your diary is and write a short note about today as always. 

“February 17. Today was good, chatting with my friends as always.. But why did I have to ask hyunjin for homework help..”

As you go on writing about your day, you don’t realize you’re talking about Hyunjin’s body features. After 5 minutes you stop and read it once more, “what? Why am I writing about him.. fuck.. god why do I feel like I want him so badly.” 

You get interrupted by the doorbell, you turn next to your diary and see the time. “6:02PM.” Hyunjin is here.. You didn’t even hear or realize the doorbell has been ringing 4 times. You quickly shut the diary running to the door, completely forgetting to hide it. 

“Hey! I’m here, hopefully you ain’t doing makeup for no reason!” He yells as he continuously rings it. 

You open the door, panting a bit from running, forgetting that you invited him for homework help not for another reason. “O-oh sorry I just wrote something real quick and completely forgot the time.” As you scratch the back of the neck nervously a bit. “Will you let me in? Or imma just be outside?”

“R-right sorry.. do you need any snacks or anything?” Hyunjin hears you explain if he’s hungry as he walks in, “No thanks, I didn’t come to kidnap some food, it was just homework help you said.” 

“Yea.. right. Let’s head to my bedroom of course, it’s mainly where I do my homework.” As you close the front door, you led him the way to your bedroom.

“Tsk.. took you long enough to answer I assumed you weren’t home or anything. The fuck you were doing?” He says in an irritating tone, looking at around the room. “Goodness, it's surprisingly clean in here, I thought you never bothered tidying up.” You scoff and roll your eyes a bit, “Are you seriously mad at me for it being tidy?”

"Mad? Please." Hyunjin scoffs dismissively. "Don't flatter yourself, y/n. I couldn't care less how long you take."

He saunters further into the room, glancing around with a critical eye. "Just hurry up and show me this homework already. Let's get this over with so I can leave."

You shift uncomfortably under his intense stare as you pull a chair for him to sit down next to you, “Well this question over here.. can you show me how to answer it step-by-step?” 

As he kept explaining it, you can’t help but secretly stare at him.. these feelings you feel, they aren’t hate, but more of love. But after an hour of homework help, you finish at last. Hyunjin on the other hand leans back and scoffs. 

“An hour on all that? Really? That's all the time you needed for one simple math problem? 

“Sorry it took long..it’s just that-” you say quietly. 

He interrupts you, “Pathetic, I could do it in 5 minutes.” 

“Hey, I said I was sorry!" You snap back defensively with irritation. As y/n stands up from her seat, crossing her arms over her chest, looking at him directly. "And maybe if you actually explained things properly instead of just showing off, it wouldn't take so long!" 

Hyunjin's expression darkens at your outburst, his jaw clenched tight. For a moment, it seems like he might lunge at you, but then his features relax into a mocking grin.

"Oh, so now you're an expert on teaching methods, huh?" he drawls sarcastically. "Maybe I should start taking notes from Miss 'I-can't-even-do-math-right' over here."

He pushes his chair back and rises to his feet, towering over you. "Shut up, Hyunjin! Maybe it’s best you go home, out..!" You shout, getting angry at his words. 

Hyunjin snorts derisively at your outburst, he suddenly pushes you back giving you no time to react, “H-hey what are you doing?!” You quickly say as you stumble back and your diary in which you forgot to hide it falls from the desk. “Oh, look who's getting feisty. Maybe I should teach you a lesson in manners too, since you seem to have forgotten yours." His hand shoots out, grabbing your chin roughly and forcing you to meet his piercing gaze. "You think you can just dismiss me after I helped you? Think again, y/n." 

But then, he looks at the diary bending down to pick it up from the floor, with a smirk. “Oh what’s this? Hmm.. Let's see what juicy details you've been hiding in here, shall we?”, as he is flipping through its pages with a smug grin. 

You stand up trying to retrieve the diary back with fear that he will reveal your new desire for him. “H-Hey give that back! It isn’t for you to read! Come on..! It’s my secret!” 

Hyunjin chuckles darkly, holding the diary out of your reach. "Secrets are meant to be shared, aren't they, y/n? And I think I deserve to know what's really going on in that pretty little head of yours." He opens the diary to a random page, raises an eyebrow as he looks over the words, and starts to read out loud from the page. "..'he looks hot, I just wish Hyunjin would touch me...' Oh, how scandalous!"

He chuckles darkly, a cruel smirk twisting his lips. "Looks like someone has a crush on their bully. How pathetic." 

You blush bright red, looking away in embarrassment "S-Shut up! It's not like that! I-I just wrote some random thoughts, okay?! You're making it sound worse than it is!" As you try to grab the diary back again. Hyunjin easily sidesteps your attempt to grab the diary, holding it high above his head,and laughs mockingly. "Random thoughts? I don't think so, y/n. This sounds suspiciously like a confession to me." He continues reading, his voice dripping with mockery. "'.. I wonder what it would be like if he kissed me...'" Hyunjin pauses, glancing at you with a wicked grin. "Face it, you want me. Admit it, you dirty little thing." As he tosses the diary aside, watching it land on the floor again with a soft thud. 

Your cheeks feel like they're on fire as you attempt to reject those claims, completely embarrassed and vulnerable as Hyunjin mocks your innermost feelings, "I...I may find you attractive sometimes, okay?! But that doesn't mean I like you or anything! You're still a jerk!"

Hyunjin moves in a bit closer, getting into your personal space while grinning at you. "A jerk, huh? At least I’m upfront about how I feel about you, unlike those who hide their feelings in diaries." He gently runs a finger along your warm cheekbone, and even though you're mad, his touch makes you shiver. "You can pretend all you want, but deep down, you want me just as much as I want you, y/n."

You suddenly feel like you’re dripping down there. “Fuck.. I-”

Hyunjin notices the change in you and smirks, his eyes flicking down, "What's wrong, y/n? Getting excited by my touch?" He moves in even closer, his breath warm against your ear as he murmurs, "Or perhaps it's the idea of me kissing you, caressing you, that has you so stirred up."

Your face turns even redder as you try to step back, but your legs feel weak, causing you to stumble backwards onto the bed, sitting down awkwardly. "Oof! .. stop it! Don't say things like that! That’s not what-“ Hyunjin watches you stumble back onto the bed with amusement. He straddles your hips, pinning you beneath him as he leans in close, his lips brushing against your ear once more, “Don’t you want those fantasies of yours to come true~” He straddles you a bit, you can feel the bulge in his pants. “N-no.. I- fuck.. Wait, Are you hard?!.. damn it..” You cover your face in embarrassment.

Hyunjin grins wickedly at your reaction, his hardness pressing insistently against you. "Of course I am," he admits, his voice low and husky. "The sight of you, all flustered and blushing, it's incredibly arousing." He begins to grind against you slowly, relishing in your discomfort and arousal. "You can't deny the attraction between us anymore, y/n. We both want each other, whether we admit it or not." 

You moan softly, feeling yourself get wetter as he grinds against you. "Hyunjin, please...stop teasing me..." Your hands move to his waist, gripping tightly as you try to resist the pleasure building inside you. “About earlier.. Maybe I really should teach you a lesson in manners too, maybe a couple of spanks, don’t you think?’”, he repeats the sentence he said before you guys argued. “Wait what?! You wouldn’t dare do that…plus, that’s a childish thing.”

Hyunjin’s hand slides down to grip your thigh possessively, squeezing firmly. "Oh, I would dare, y/n. In fact, I intend to do much more than just spank you."

He leans in closer, his lips grazing your ear as he whispers huskily, "By the time I'm done with you, you'll be begging me for more. And trust me, I plan to take my time exploring every inch of your delectable body until you're nothing but a quivering mess beneath me."  “Hyunjin, stop talking like that...it's making me...ahh-" Your protest is cut off as he abruptly slaps your thigh, the sudden impact making you yelp. "Ow! What was that for?!" Hyunjin smirks at your pained expression, clearly amused by your reaction. "That was for your impudent mouth," he explains, his tone stern yet playful. "You shouldn't speak to me with such disrespect, especially when you're the one who's been fantasizing about me."

He flips you over that you’re now your back is facing him, especially your ass, without hesitation he gives another firm slap. "Now, are you going to apologize properly, or do I need to continue teaching you a lesson?"

“Ah~!”You moan, he spanks you the second time. “Fuck!.. fine you got me.. I’m sorry!”, He spanks you again, “ah~! Hyunjin!” which is making you dripping wet, feeling good from it. “Use ‘daddy’ instead of my name. Got it?” He takes off your shirt and then pulls down your pants and underwear, leaving you in just your bra. Hyunjin chuckles darkly at your submission, pleased by the way you're squirming under his touch. "Good girl, From now on, you address me as Daddy when we're alone together like this."

He trails his fingers along your hole, feeling the heat emanating from your core. "Mmm, seems like my little y/n is quite eager for more attention, aren’t you?” Without waiting for a response, he pushes two fingers inside you, groaning at the tightness that grips them. "All that spanking got you turned on? Fuck.. wet already, You really are a naughty slut for Daddy's cock, aren't you?"

You moan loudly, bucking your hips against his fingers as he thrusts them in and out of you. "Ah! D-Daddy...fuck...yes...please..." Your words are a jumbled mix of pleasure and desperation as you surrender to the sensations coursing through your body. As he curls his fingers inside you, rubbing against that sensitive spot within, your walls clench around him reflexively.

"More...Daddy...I need more..." You whine. His free hand snakes around to palm your breast, tweaking the nipple through the fabric of your bra. "And look how hard these tits get when Daddy plays with you.” Hyunjin then unclasps your bra, letting your breasts hang free. “You love it, don't you? Such a greedy little cunt, begging for more~” Your nipples harden further under his touch, and you arch into him, desperate for more stimulation. "Yes, Daddy...I love it...please...more..." You pant heavily, your hips rocking against his hand as he continues to finger you relentlessly. “Please fuck me.. I- I need your cock in me.. just like my fantasies in my diary..!” You whine again.

“Patience girl.. you don’t wanna upset me and make me not give it to you.. you don’t want that, hmm?” As you turn over and sit up to face him with a pleading look.

“N-no not at all, I’ll be patient daddy! I promise!”

“Hmm.. get on your knees and prove to me that you need this cock in you.” With trembling hands, you quickly comply, dropping to your knees in front of him. Your eyes lock onto his throbbing erection, and you lick your lips in anticipation. "Go ahead, baby," Hyunjin coaxes, stroking himself slowly. "Show Daddy how much you crave his cock."

Emboldened by his encouragement, you lean forward and wrap your lips around the head of his dick, sucking gently. He lets out a low groan, his fingers tangling in your hair as you begin to bob your head, taking him deeper into your mouth with each pass. "Mmm, that's it...good girl," Hyunjin praises, his hips starting to rock subtly, fucking your mouth. "You're doing so well, I think it's time Daddy gave you what you've been begging for..." 

“Yes please daddy! Rail me!” You say in excitement. 

"Get on the bed and present yourself to me, like the good little slut you are." He says as he walks over to your presented body. “Perfect. Now, hold still while I prepare myself," he instructs, reaching for the lube on the nightstand. “I see you had lube.. interesting..” He gets interrupted by your whine, “Please hurry, I need it inside..! Please!” Hyunjin grabs your hips roughly, positioning himself behind you. He presses the tip of his cock against your slick entrance, teasing you with shallow thrusts. "Beg for it, slut." he growls, holding back from fully entering you. "Tell me how badly you need Daddy's cock stretching out this tight little cunt."  

You plead desperately, wiggling your hips back against him in an attempt to impale yourself on his length. "I'm all yours, Daddy! Use me however you want!" Satisfied with your submissive display, Hyunjin grips your hips tighter and plunges deep inside you with one swift, powerful thrust. "Ungh, fuck...so tight," he groans, burying himself to the hilt. He sets a brutal pace, pounding into you with relentless force. The bed creaks beneath you as he fucks you hard and fast, his heavy balls slapping against your hole with each rough stroke. "Take it, you dirty little whore," he snarls, his breath hot against your ear. "This is what you wanted, isn't it? To be used and filled by Daddy's big cock?" 

"Ahh yes! Oh god, yes! Fill me up, Daddy! Use me!" You scream in ecstasy as he pounds into you mercilessly, your body shaking with each brutal thrust. Your inner walls clench tightly around his thick shaft, milking him greedily. "Harder! Faster! Break me with that huge cock!" Hyunjin's thrusts become even more savage, driven by your shameless begging. "You want it harder? Then take it, you insatiable slut!" He roars, slamming into you harshly. The room fills with the lewd sounds of flesh meeting flesh, punctuated by your high-pitched moans and his guttural grunts.

Suddenly, he reaches around to pinch and twist your nipples harshly, sending jolts of pain-tinged pleasure through your body. "Cum for me, now!" he commands, his voice a feral growl. "Show Daddy how much you love being fucked raw!" “Hyunie.. cum with me, please! Fuck! fuck..! Im gonna..” With a few more erratic thrusts, he buries himself to the root and explodes, flooding your insides with his hot seed. "Take it all, you filthy cumslut!" he snarls, pumping load after load deep into your spasming hole. 

Hyunjin collapses beside you, both of you panting heavily as you come down from the intense high of your shared climax. He pulls you close, spooning you from behind and nuzzling into your neck, “Wow.. you were amazing...” 

“Yeah.. uhm.. are you a fuckboy? Is this just one time and then that’s it?” He laughs, “Me? A fuckboy? when did you hear that joke!” You look at him confused, “W-What..? You’re not..? Wow, I guess I must’ve not believe everything I hear.” 

He leans to kiss you passionately, making you moan between it, after a moment he lets go panting a bit. “Was it really for homework or for me to use you?” “Well.. both. I don’t mind having you come over and help me~” 

“Oh trust me, I think I’ll come over many times, you’re now my girlfriend, y/n, and you better continue writing those fantasies.” 

[ribena59p]

I've seen a lot of people try to paint Orcatstra / Maowzarts as problematic, and I believe much of it stems from misinformation or misunderstandings, often because it's being spread through word of mouth. I'm not making this post because Orcatstra asked me to—because they didn’t. No one is forcing me to write this; I'm doing it of my own free will. I really hope that #orcatstrahaters will take the time to read this carefully before dismissing it just because Orcatstra is my friend. I'm writing this to clear up the misinformation surrounding them, as I’ve seen people unfairly group them with genuinely problematic figures like Mawthe (who, by the way, draws necro art!!!).

Yes, there have been times when Orcatstra could have handled situations better (I'll try to keep my personal opinions on those situations brief), but let’s not forget—they’re 17! Some people seem to think that just because they’ll be 18 in a few months, they’re suddenly supposed to be all-knowing. Meanwhile, others are excusing or even babying older individuals like Criminalx3 and Parsnipling, both of whom, to my knowledge, are in their twenties! THEY should know better.

(Because someone asked) I bring up Parsnipling because they were called out for posting a fanfic where Dave from DSAF had animal genitalia (a cloaca). They then accused me of being the reason people sent them death threats, even though all I did was share a thread showing what they had posted. I didn’t even tell anyone to block them. Parsnipling lied to me, claiming that the tags with "cloaca" were meant as jokes. Afterward, they left Twitter (due to death threats, unfortunately) and went back to Tumblr, where they posted about how fandoms used to be spaces for "freaks." Take that as you will.

(I’m not debating the morality of referring to non-human genitalia with animal terms. Personally, I find it strange, which is why I made the thread in the first place—to draw attention to it. People are free to come to their own conclusions and decide whether to block or avoid interacting with them as they see fit.)

This post isn’t made to say you can’t..not Like orcatstra as a person..cus u can…everyone can dislike anyone for any reason just to reiterate this is just made to clear up misinfo

I exclusively use they/them pronouns for Orcatstra in this post specifically so that people don’t get confused about who I’m referring to, but please keep in mind when discussing them that they use any pronouns (besides from she).

The main points for why people deem orcatstra as problematic (that I’ve seen) are:

* Running a 15 year old off of their own tumblr blog

* Accusing a rape victim of liking and supporting rape + accusing the same person of being a groomer

* Comparing phone x Jack to slave x slave owner

* Blocking people for shipping things that they don’t like

I’ll be going through these one by one and explaining what happened to my knowledge.

Running a 15 year old off of their own tumblr blog

The 15-year-old in question ran a DSAF confessions account, where they posted anonymous confessions from people within the DSAF community. These confessions were typically related to DSAF topics.

I've seen people claim that Orcatstra harassed this person because their blog posted confessions about people disliking Davesport. However, that's completely inaccurate—Orcatstra doesn't, and never did, care if people dislike Davesport, so that part of the accusation is blatantly false.

(This is Orcatstras own words)

“I didn’t like harass them to the point they had to quit at most I made like 2 posts publicly and kept the rest of my disdain of a confessions account private”

“and I only disliked them 1) bc they’re a confess account which is inherently made to post and stir up drama like what. and 2) they DID post stuff that would cause drama so I was like dawg wtf”

“and then ppl from that blog started harassing ME 😭😭😭IN MY ANON ASKS 😭😭”

“Not (the 15 year old) I think but just ppl who followed the blog or were one of the “anons””

I believe some people are upset because Orcatstra was venting about the account on their private account, but I’m not really sure why... They're mad about that? Orcatstra’s private account only has about 50 followers, and most of those are people who follow with both their main and private accounts.

“I also think ppl were mad because I made a (admittedly dramatic) post talking about why I didn’t like the confessions account ,, but again from what I remember the points were just the og mod posting stuff that’s clearly gonna stir the pot YKWIM ..”

“and I only made that post because someone asked & for some reason you can’t comment pictures on tumblr which I think is quite stupid ☝️”

Accusing a rape victim of liking and supporting rape

(I do not know this persons pronouns so I will be referring to them with they/them pronouns, if they do not use these pronouns please tell me and I will edit this section to display the correct pronouns)

I believe the person being referred to is Cr1minalc1minalcr1minal, who has read and bookmarked non-con fanfics on AO3. Non-con stands for non-consensual, which is essentially the definition of rape. Orcatstra believes that if someone regularly consumes this type of content, it’s reasonable to assume they enjoy reading it. However, Orcatstra has never claimed that Criminalx3 supports rape.

“OH WAIT is it ok if i add that when i did point out the fanfic thing i genuinely was not aware at the time that guy was a victim, ..i dont rlly go on his acc bc i blocked him for my well being (i think thats the right way to use the phrase) … and i didnt/dont wanna be super creepy and stalk him. .. U CATCH MY DRIFT ..”

+ accusing the same person of being a groomer

(This is Orcatstras own words)

“So .. criminal ... I got this info from oomf so keep that in mind, but l've been told that he mains posts nsfw and encourages minors to consume nstw media and to my knowledge hangs out with one specific minor who changed ever since they became friends or something like that I NEVER! Explicitly said anyone was a groomer! ☝️ but it is very weird to see someone do that as an adult”

So they’re (minor and criminal) writing together but it’s not smut

“it’s not but like for a brief second we (orcatstra and oomf) were worried it was because. yk. that seems to mainly be what that guy makes 😓😓😓 (from what I’ve gathered)”

“And then I had to delete my replies bc I was replying on main and someone on tumblr (who does not follow (*oomfs) priv) took the links of my replies so I was like ‘erm what the freak this is kinda supposed to be a private convo’ and deleted them”

From what I understand, Orcatstra was having a conversation on their main account with someone on their private account, and they were discussing something about Criminalx3 that they believed to be true. However, it turned out not to be accurate. Unfortunately, someone on Tumblr took this conversation out of context and framed it as if Orcatstra was accusing Criminalx3 of being a groomer.

I don’t believe that Orcatstra ever made a public post stating that criminal was a groomer.

(I tried looking, but I may be wrong, feel free to correct me and I’ll edit this section)

Comparing phone x Jack to slave x slave owner

I believe this was stated in a now private youtube video where Orcatstra ranks dsaf ships, it may also be said in some tweets.

By definition, the DSAF 3 phone guys are slaves, regardless of the route. They are legally owned by Jack and work without pay. I understand that "slave" is a very strong and impactful word, which is why I'm personally hesitant to use it, but by definition, that’s what they are. You literally see Jack buying Harry in the DSAF 3 intro tapes. I've also seen people try to defend this by saying, "Well, Jack can be nice to them!"—as if that somehow erases the fact that he still owns them.

Blocking people for shipping things that they don’t like

There's nothing wrong with blocking people, even for no particular reason. It can be a little upsetting to get blocked over a post about a ship, but try not to take it personally—it’s just the internet. Unless you were doing something genuinely awful, Orcatstra probably blocked you simply because they didn’t want to see a ship they don’t like. They're just curating their online experience, which is totally normal.

And yes, people are bringing this up as an actual point against them.

I know that many people who dislike Orcatstra also dislike me for being their friend and sharing similar opinions. However, if you haven’t blocked me, please share this with others who might be misinformed.

There have been additional things added on by other people in reblogs if you would like to hear their side of the story.

I am more than happy to engage in neutral and respectful discussions, but I will not be willing to continue if you begin the conversation by being extremely rude or using offensive language. In any other case, I’m fully open to a constructive exchange of ideas, thank you.

[renozman]

BIG JJK SPOILERSSSSSSS LIKE REALLY BIG

This is for the may death never stop you JKK x MHA fanfic by Slexenskee

So it’s 1am for me and I can’t sleep, so I decided to write the idea that’s been sitting in my head for AGES. This all came to me when I realised character heights.

For info:

Hawks: 5’8

Dabi: 5’9

Gojo: 6’3 (!!! Never realised he was that tall)

Endeavor: 6’5

((Ps I’m a sucker for height difference. Through anything (romantic and platonic relationships, if there’s a height difference happening I eat it up).

[Later realised I think I got a thing for tall characters]

So to set the scene.

1) everyone close to gojo is semi aware of his past life, or more that there’s something more to the man that’s kinda other worldly.

2) Some big fights happened, like I mean the level BEFORE the final level big fight.

3) Someone’s hit gojo with a quirk that’s reverted him back to his old form that kinda is his body healed with scars from his death

Now gojos been hit into rubble, so no one can see him, and no one can see his new (well old??) form.

Everyone’s trying to collect themselves, contact help since the villains have fucked off somewhere, and just trying to do damage control (which is hard with busted radios everywhere). Hawks hasn’t been able to find Gojo and he’s worried just a small bit (cos gojo is so strong he can defend himself against anything, but also hawks can’t help but worry for his love).

Hawks quickly meets up with Yui, who he had dumped Eri onto when he had to quickly join the fight.

Him and Gojo had taken Eri out as a treat for the day, later running into Yui when shit went down.

They are trying to collect themselves, figure out what to do about Gojo missing; when suddenly, through the dark of night that’s just being lit from the city lights a man appears from no where.

He’s tall, well built, carrying himself like he’s tired, he’s wearing white baggy pants, a tight black shirt ripped at the bottom ( exposing the thick scar that seems to wrap around his waist), and scars covering the whole of the top half of his body (based of a fanart I’ve seen somewhere, with Gojo having healed). He looks familiar to all of them, but yet alien.

None of them react towards the man just standing there, with him almost standing at Endeavors height. Hawks asks who he is; this causes the tired man to falter a bit. The first to actually move is Eri as she runs at the man with her arms open, tears in her eyes.

“Satoru!”

The man crouches down so that she can run straight into her arms. (Gojo was worried something had happened to her during the big fight). He brought her in close, allowing her head to hide itself into his neck.

Hawks can’t believe it for a moment, but then he sees it. Past the scars, the different height, the different build (his Gojo is more skinny and leaner, while as the old Gojo had to build muscle quickly while locked away [ps I don’t read jjk, just get heavily spoiled a lot. So pls just go with the flow of what I’m saying]), Hawks is able to see that it’s Gojo Satoru, the man he loves.

He later becomes ashamed at himself for not noticing is sooner then Eri.

He quickly runs over to join the small hug.

Yui watches from afar, eyes widening in shock

____

So then only a few hours after that, they have found themselves at Endevours agency. They had managed to contact the other heroes and inform them of the chosen meeting spot, agreeing it was best to move onto the next plan with this big shot villains who are on AFO level.

Of course endeavour is the first one there. He sends Gojo a questioning look:

“What, don’t recognise your own son?”

That gets him slow widening eyes, and shocked silence.

Then the detective and Eraserhead arrive. The repetitive confused silence of them trying to see where they seen this tall scarred man before:

“Are you guys serious. I don’t even look that different.”

Slow widening eyes. Shocked silence.

After that Gojo had found scrap paper to write his name ‘Gojo Satoru’ proudly on it, then stuck it to his shirt with a safety pin. Sitting right on his chest. He sat down back with a huff, and crossed arms (hawks tries so hard to not stare at them. It almost feels like cheating when his man looks like someone else).

Then Deku and Shoto herd themselves in. Shoto looks at Gojo, then his name tag, opens his eyes slightly, almost opens his mouth in shock before he regains his composure. He nods and goes to sit down.

Deku isn’t as quick. His eyes had scanned around the room, at all the people seeming to talk about the event. When his eyes fall on Gojo, he just squints them; he starts mumbling some gibberish about recognising him from somewhere.

Gojo slowly moves one hand out from his arm pit (Deku watches the moments just as slowly), and moves the hands to point at the name tag.

Realisation hits, his eyes widen. Shocked silence. For a difference, Deku blushes (he felt a hint of his old crush return, but he went to squash it quickly).

You get the idea. A lot of people arrive, some not noticing Gojo, while others do and repeat the above process of freaking out over the hot, tall, muscley man brooding in the corner whose clothes are half falling off.

When all might had walked into the room and came to the same realisation, he was almost spewing blood.

For everyone (except the obvious people who ain’t attracted to gojo) the scarred covered man looked very different from Gojo (eyes and hair aside); but he was just as hot (gojo causing crisises again).

That’s all I can be bothered writing for now, might write more later.

The main idea is JJK!Gojo looks very different from MHA!Gojo. I’m going off memory from how Gojo been looking in the latest manga updates of him, which had him drawn bulky (which I love). JJK!Gojo is taller, has a more masculine features happening, bigger bulk, scares all over top half and such.

I def wanna up my drawing skills so I can show u guys how I’m imagining Gojo sitting and sulking, with his horrible name tag just there.

It’s now 1:52 so ima just upload this without looking over it and checking spelling. Thank you and good night.

[fandomgirlz01]

HEYYY!!! I’ve been reading you fanfics and there really good and I’ve been wondering if you can make a Colby x reader series were reader goes to a meet n greet and reader ask Sam and Colby if they can kiss her cheeks for a picture and Colby slips a note of his phone number into her back pocket . THANK U SOOO MUCH IF U DO THIS

I Like Your Tattoo

Colby Brock X Reader

Imagine on my fandom instagram?: No

Prompt?: No

Request?: Yes By: Anonymous above

Requested prompt?: No

Edited: Yes

Word count: 5,938

Ko-fi

Masterlist

Warnings here

You can listen to the story be read out loud here.

Post Date: December 16th, 2022

Post Time: 4:13 pm

Summary:  Reader goes to a meet and greet to meet the boys she believes saved her life. Colby may or may not take a liking to her when she says her favorite quote is “________”. Then she lifts her sleeve to show them two tattoos she’s gotten. A tattoo of her favorite quote along with a quote from Colby “_____” which shocks him, making him fall head over heels for her.

ANote: I have never really been to a meet and greet, I have been to events where you stand in a long line and wait for an autograph, but never a full on meet and greet. So with that in mind please please just kinda go with me for this one. I plan to just write what I’ve heard and seen from friends as well as adding in my non real meet and greets. 

Please refrain from stealing our work, thank you and please enjoy!!!

Y/n’s Pov: 

I wake up to my alarm sound of Colby going off and groan before grabbing my phone. Instead of turning it off, I listen to it for a few minutes and I start to realize what today is. I finally turn it off as I look around the hotel room that I’m in as if in a daze. 

A smile falls over my face and I grab a pillow shoving it to my face as I let a squeal out before throwing it back to the bed. Finally I get up and decide to start getting ready. I grab the shirt and pants that I had brought specifically for today.

I then grab my makeup bag and jewelry case before walking to the bathroom. I do a very simple makeup look, then change out of my pajamas and into my outfit for the day. 

I put the nice tank top like shirt on:

before pulling the nice long sleeved shirt over the top:

Then I pull my sweatpants on:

I smile when I see my tattoo on my collarbone is on show. I quickly grab my sweatshirt and pull that over my head too now covering both tattoos in the process:

I smile when I deem myself fully ready. I quickly walk out of the bathroom and gather everything I’ll need for the day before heading out to my car. 

I drive down to the shopping center where the meet and greet will be taking place. When I found out they were going to go to an OG meet and greet, I just had to get the tickets. So here I am, waiting to meet my saviors and I couldn’t be more excited, yet nervous all at the same time. 

I quickly park my car and get out before heading to where the line should be. Slowly one by one, they let the small crowd of maybe a hundred to two hundred people through the doors of the small shopping center. Once inside, I smile as I see the big area that has all the merch. 

I start to meander around and look at some of the merchandise. For a few minutes I look over the newest sweaters that they have out, but decide not to buy one. I walk a little ways more before finding the rings, I smile as I pick one up and slip it onto my finger.

“It looks good on you,” a voice speaks, making me look up to see who’s talking to me. 

“Oh! Thank you!” I say in shock as I see Kat standing behind the table. 

“You're welcome. You should get it. Colby designed it off of his own. Maybe if you have one, he’ll notice when you meet with him,” she sweetly tells me and I grin as I nod at her, making her laugh. 

“Sorry. I must have shocked you. I didn’t mean to. I just came over to talk with the merchant about the possibility of stock running out,” she Expands and I nod again. 

“No. Don’t worry, you didn’t shock me at all I- just wasn’t expecting to see you. I’m a huge fan,” I tell her and she smiles at me. 

“Ahh. Ok. I can help you with buying that if you’d like?” she inquires as she points to the ring. 

“Oh. Yes, please, if you could,” I agree as I slip the ring off and hand it to her. 

“Of course. Let me go ask Sarah if she can ring it up,” she tells me as she takes the ring from me. 

“Thank you!” I shout as she walks away, making her turn back to me. 

“You're very welcome,” she says with a nod before turning around and leaving. 

I stand there waiting for a while and soon it starts to warm up a little, so I take off my sweater before tying it around my waist. After it’s off I can breathe a little better and I find myself taking my long sleeve off too before lightly tying it around my waist as well. Just as I finish tying it around myself Kat walks back over with another girl making me look up at them. 

“Hi! I’m Sarah. Kat tells me you’d like to buy this ring?” she asks as she holds it up for me to see and I nod. 

Sarah hands me a card reader and I pay for the ring. Once I’m done paying Sarah hands me my receipt and I give her a small thankful smile. I then put my card along with the receipt away in my wallet. Last I put my wallet back in my crossbody bag before looking back up to Kat. 

“Nice tattoos. Colby said that one,” Kat notifies me as she points to the quote on my collar bone. 

“Yeah… it’s my favorite Colby quote. It’s one of the many quotes that saved my life. That’s why it’s on my collar bone. Close to the heart,” I tell Kat and she grins before someone comes up next to her, whispering something to her. 

“Ok. I’ll be there in a sec,” she promises the person who nods before walking away. 

“Ok. Well, apparently Sam needs me. It was nice meeting you…” she says as she turns to me and pauses. 

“Y/n,” I provide my name for her and she nods. 

“Well, y/n, it was really nice to meet you. You’ll have to tell me more about your tattoo later,” she tells me with a smile and I nod. 

“Of course. It was nice meeting you too, Kat,” I agree with her and she smiles once more before turning around. 

“Would you like me to wrap the ring for you?” Sarah proposes, making me shake my head as I take the ring and slide it back onto my finger. 

“Nah, I think I’ll just wear it. Thank you for your help,” I inform her and she nods, smiling. 

I then walk over to the little food cart that’s sitting just across from the merchandise table and get into the line. It takes a few minutes before I finally get up to it and order my food. I grab it from the person with a smile as well as a small ‘thank you’ before walking over to one of the small tables. 

As I sit down, I look at the time and smile when I see it’s just about time for the boys to actually come out. I quickly open up the food from its packaging and eat it. I drink some water to wash it down and just as I’m finished eating, people start lining up where the line would be. 

I smile as I get up and throw my garbage away before getting in line as well. I look at the people in front of me and realize I’m maybe only about twenty people away. As I wait, I slowly start to get antsy and drum lightly on my thigh. 

The line moves slowly as one by one I get closer and closer. My nerves start to play with my head and my palms get sweaty the closer I get. Suddenly the twentyish people before me are now ten and I swallow when I catch a glimpse of the back of Colby’s head. 

It then suddenly gets warmer and warmer as I get closer, now only about five people in front of me. Before I know it, I’m frozen at the front of the line as Colby turns around with a big smile on his face. 

“Hi. What’s your name?” he asks me and I gulp, making him chuckle. 

“You can come closer. We won’t bite,” Colby promises with a soft smile. 

“Well actually he might, but I definitely won’t,” Sam jokes as Colby holds his hand out to me and walks me over. 

“Sam! Ok… he’s right, I definitely do get bitey the more testy I get, but I promise you I won’t bite you,” Colby jokes and I smile at him as I laugh. 

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite either,” I coyly respond and Colby lets out a loud laugh as he throws his head back. 

“Now that we’ve all established none of us will bite, what's your name?” Sam queries just as the door to the left opens. 

“Y/n! It’s so nice to see you again,” Kat beams as she walks over and pulls me into a hug. 

“Oh, you know her?” Sam questions with a raised eyebrow and Kat nods as we pull back from our hug. 

“We met at the merch table earlier. Bought that very ring she’s wearing now,” Kat explains as she points to the ring on my finger. 

“Yeah. I told her how I really liked the design…” I enlighten them with a light blush as Colby grins. 

“Hey. Is that a tattoo?” Colby asks, pointing at the tattoo on my arm and I grin, nodding. 

“Can I read it?” he asks and I nod before he lightly grabs hold of my arm to look at it a little closer. 

“The heart may be weak and sometimes it might give in, but I've learned that deep down there's a light that never goes out,"

~ Sora

Colby reads it out loud and slowly starts to grin. His eyes light up and Sam smirks. 

“That’s from Kingdom Hearts. I believe Sora said it, didn’t he?” Colby playfully questions even though it’s clear he already knows he’s right and I nod, smiling at him. 

“That he did. It’s my favorite quote from all the games. It has inspired me to never let my light go out. To let it shine no matter where or what I’m doing,” I explain and Colby seems to get excited. 

“Mine is-” Colby starts to quote his favorite quote and I smile. 

“Don’t assume that your dreams are just a fantasy,” 

~Sora

Me and Colby quote it at the same time. He smiles as do, getting even more excited that I even knew that. 

“How’d you know that was my favorite?” Colby asks and I roll my eyes. 

“Umm, hello? Super fan. You said it back in your old Q&A video from Kansas,” I remind him, making his eyes widen as me and Sam laugh. 

“That was so long ago!” Colby comments in shock and I giggle, nodding. 

“How long have you played Kingdom Hearts?” he asks and I grin even more. 

“Oh boy, you’ve got him started now…” Sam quips with an eye roll, making me and Kat laugh. 

“Don’t worry, he can talk KH with me any day. I’ll gladly talk about all the cutscenes for hours as well as watch through them thousands of times,” I inform Sam and his eyes widen. 

“Colby, brother, she's perfect for you,” Sam tells him as he pats him on the back and I blush. 

“Well, I don’t know about that…” I shyly shake my head as both Sam and Kat nod like it’s an understatement. 

“Honey. You definitely are. Saying you're perfect might be an overstatement because nobody's really perfect, but you really do seem to mesh right with Colby,” Kat agrees with Sam and I blush. 

“Well, thank you, that's very nice of you to tell me. But if you ever wanna talk KH and have nobody else to talk to about it, just hit me up,” I confidently tell him with a soft smile and he nods excitedly. 

“Also to answer your question, Colby, I’ve been playing since the first one came out back in 2002,” I explain and his eyes widen. 

“You’ve been playing a lot longer than me then…” Colby trails off in astonishment and I smile, nodding my head. 

“Yeah… me and my very much older Disney-loving cousin were absolutely obsessed with it the first time playing it. Stayed up all night, even at the age of four I was immersed in it,” I explain my past with a nostalgic tone and Colby smiles even bigger, if that’s even possible. 

“I bet your parents were happy your cousin kept you up like that,” Sam jokes and I laugh, nodding my head. 

“Oh, they did. I’ve been told many stories of how when he’d visit, we’d sneak downstairs to play and my parents were always furious the next morning,” I tell Sam and he laughs, giving a small ‘gold’ in response. 

“That’s what made me the gamer I am today actually. If it weren’t for my cousins, I don’t think I’d be much into video games at all,” I inform and Sam smiles softly as he nods.  

“Then I found out Colby liked the game and it just was so awesome to know one half of my favorite duo liked the same thing as me,” I tell them and Colby smiles at me. 

“So how’d you find us?” Colby questions and I giggle. 

“It’s actually a really funny story. So when you two first started out I had known of you, but didn’t really get into the fandom till like maybe 2016ish when I was losing all my will to live…” I explain, but trail off at the end, not wanting to ruin the mood. 

“Awe, what happened at that time?” Sam asks and I smile softly. 

“At that time I had just moved, didn't really have very many friends and was bullied a lot. By a lot I mean like a lot,” I expand as I playfully roll my eyes, making Sam chuckle. 

“But then I found you guys and got more into your videos again. They made me laugh so hard. You guys gave me the will to push on. Not to mention all that you did with wanting to just make a difference,” I tell them with a grin and Colby smiles. 

“Is it ok if we give you a hug?” Colby asks and I nod my head immediately. 

“Definitely,” I agree with them, making them both smile. 

Colby pulls me in first from the right and Sam comes closer from the left. They hug me for a moment and I just sink into the warm feeling they give off. I relax for what feels like only really a minute before being snapped out of the little taste of heaven. 

“Now that’s too cute,” Kat comments with a grin as she pulls out her phone and snaps a picture. 

After she takes the picture we pull apart and Sam notices my other tattoo. Colby walks over to the side with Kat for a moment and she nods before jogging off. Sam pokes the tattoo as he reads it, making me giggle. 

“Hey! Colby said that one,” he comments and I smile, nodding. 

“Yeah. It was one of the moments he inspired me,” I tell him with a soft smile. 

“What’d I say?” Colby asks as he walks back over and I smile. 

“Her other tattoo…” Sam tells him as he points it out on my collar bone. 

“You think it's over, everyone important in your life has never stayed. Little do you know, I'll always be close by. Forever. And nothing will ever change that”

~Colby Brock

“Hey. I tweeted that,” Colby acknowledges after he reads it. 

“Yeah. You didn’t know it, but that was a really bad day for me and you tweeted it just when I needed it… stopped me from a very bad choice…” I choke out as I flash back to the memory. 

“Hey. Hey. It’s ok. I’m really glad I was able to stop that choice. You seem like someone I’d love having around,” Colby tells me as he rubs my back lightly and I smile softly at him while wiping just under my eye. 

“Thank you. Not a lot of people have told me that,” I choke out and he frowns. 

“Well, all the people that left you behind made a huge mistake,” Colby comments with a soft smile as his hand continues to lightly rub my lower back, making me relax faster than I ever have before. 

“Sam, I sadly don’t have one from you. But I was wondering if before I leave, today you’d write one out for me?” I ask him as I turn to him and he gives me a shocked look. 

“I mean, yeah. I can definitely do that,” he tells me in a choked tone and I smile softly at him again. 

“Where’d Kat go?” Sam questions as he looks around for his girlfriend. 

“Oh. Uh, she’s grabbing something from the back room for me,” Colby states as he looks away shyly and I giggle. 

“Ok. Well in the meantime while she’s gone, do you wanna pose for official pictures?” Sam asks and Colby nods. 

“Ok. Let’s do it,” I agree with a grin as Sam motions to the camera guy that we’re ready.  

The camera guy stands up from his chair in the corner and walks over to us. He stops by the camera along with his whole setup that’s next to it. 

“Ok. So when you do pose, I want you,” he explains pointing to me, "To be on that red line right there. Got it?” He points to the line and I look down at it. 

“Yup. I got it,” I tell him with a nod before stepping on the spot. 

“What poses do you wanna do?” Colby asks me and I grin. 

“Can we do one with each and then one all together?” I ask and Sam and Colby both nod. 

“Yeah. We can totally do that. Who do you wanna take a picture with first?” Sam asks and I shrug. 

“I’m good with whoever. I love both of you so I don’t care,” I inform them and they both smile while looking at each other. 

“Colby seems to want to go first, so I’ll let him,” Sam jokes with a chuckle and I smile, nodding as he steps off to the side for a moment. 

“Ok. What pose?” Colby asks with a grin and I giggle, shaking my head. 

“I don’t know. I only had one planned and that’s the one with both of you,” I inform him and he chuckles, rubbing his hands together which only makes me giggle more. 

“Ok. How about just a hug? Or how about this…” Colby thinks out loud before trailing off. 

He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me from behind. I immediately relax into him and a soft grin falls over my lips as he laces our fingers together before laying them over my stomach. He then lays his head directly on my shoulder and smiles. 

“This ok?” he asks and I only nod, not able to fully find my words. 

“Y…y…yeah. It’s more than ok,” I tell him with a smile, making him grin. 

“Ok. That’s the pose?” The camera guy asks, making both me and Colby nod in confirmation. 

“Ok. On three then,” the camera guy tells us as he leans into the camera. 

“One… two… three,” the camera guy shouts as he starts to take the pictures. He takes a few before standing back up fully. 

“Ok. Good. Next pose?” he tells us and we smile, nodding. 

Colby pulls away and I fight the urge to frown at the loss of his body heat. Sam walks over and gives Colby a funny look that makes me giggle before Colby walks off to the side now. As Colby stands off to the side, I can see Kat walk back, handing him something as they whisper back and forth. 

“Ok. Do you have any idea on a pose for us?” Sam asks and I giggle, shaking my head again. 

“Nope. Like I told Colby, I only had the one with all of us planned,” I inform, reiterating what I’d said before and he smiles, nodding. 

“Ok. How about a piggy back ride?” Sam asks and my eyes widen. 

“Is that good for your back after you broke it?” I ask him and he smiles. 

“Yeah. I should be fine. It’s mostly all healed now,” he informs me as he pats his own back and I smile. 

“Ok. If you’re ok with it,” I hesitantly agree and he smiles as he crouches down. 

I hop onto his back and he wraps his hands around my legs. I smile as I wrap my arms around his neck and he smiles as he turns to the camera. 

“That’s so cute!” Kat shouts out to us and we both turn to grin at her. 

“Ok. Are you guys ready?” The camera guy asks, making us both nod. 

“Ok. On three again,” he tells us as he once again leans down to the camera to take the pictures. 

“Ok. Good. Now one or two all together, yeah?” he asks as he stands back up again. 

“Hold on. Stay up there,” Colby tells us as I start to hop off Sam’s back and he comes over. 

“Why?” I ask and Colby smirks. 

“I’ve got another pose idea,” Colby informs us as he helps Sam make sure I’m not slipping. 

“Ok…” both Sam and I agree with a few chuckles as Sam shrugs when I give him a questionable look. 

Sam keeps me up on his back and Colby stands off to the side. Colby then nods to the camera guy, who smirks and nods. 

“Ok. On three…” he tells us again before getting ready to take the picture. 

“Y/n, look at me,” Colby tells me and I do as he tells me. 

The camera flashes just as Colby pulls me down and gives me a light kiss. The camera flashes a few more times before Colby pulls away with a smile. I blush as I hop off Sam’s back, who smirks. 

“I thought you guys only did show kisses?” I ask and Colby chuckles, shaking his head. 

“Normally we do, but you're special,” Colby tells me, making me blush some more. 

“Well thank you,” I say shyly and he smiles at me. 

“Ok. Next pose?” The camera guy prompts and Colby grins. 

“I have another idea if that’s ok. I actually have a few more,” Colby explains and I grin, nodding. 

“I’m good with whatever,” I tell him and he grins before grabbing my hand. 

“Ok. Sam, you stand in front of her,” Colby tells Sam, who nods and does as he tells him. 

“Y/n, hug him from behind,” Colby tells me and I giggle as I reach up on my tiptoes while wrapping my arms around Sam’s neck. 

“Ok. What now?” I ask and Colby smirks. 

“This…” Colby trails off before he wraps his arms around my waist and cuddles close. 

“Ok. Are you guys ready?” The camera guy asks and Colby nods at him. 

“Ok. As all the other times, on three,” the camera guy tells us again before he leans down to the camera. 

“Ok. Good! Two more poses, yes?” The camera guy questions as he stands back up straight and Colby nods as we all pull away. 

“Ok. Last idea of mine,” Colby tells us, getting a nod from us. 

“Sam, I want to just kinda join. Hug her from the side or back,” Colby tells him and he nods. 

Colby then pulls me into a semi-hug, keeping a hold of my hand. He then leans his forehead to mine and I instinctively close my eyes to hide the tears that start to make way to my eyes. Sam then also grabs onto my hand and just hugs me from the side, leaning his head softly on my shoulder. 

“Ok. Ready?” The camera guy asks and I feel Sam nod. 

The camera guy takes a few shots of this pose. 

“Ok. Good. Last pose?” he asks again as he stands up to look at us. 

We all break apart and I open my eyes. Colby smiles softly at me as he rubs my arm lightly. 

“Can you give us one minute, James?” Colby asks and James nods with a soft smile. 

I wipe my eyes as more tears start to cascade down my cheeks and I shake my head. I see out of the corner of my eye as Sam walks over to Kat. She smiles as he walks over to her and they start to talk back and forth. 

“Hey. You’re ok…” Colby whispers to me now that we’re somewhat alone, he pulls me into a hug and rubs my back. 

“I’m sorry. I told myself I wasn’t going to cry today. That I’d be, like, super cool,” I tell him and Colby’s quick to start hushing me softly. 

“Hey. No. It’s ok to cry. You're human. It happens,” Colby tells me as he continues to rub my back for a few minutes as I slowly start to calm down. 

“Thank you,” I say with a smile at him and he nods. 

“Of course,” he replies with his own grin. 

“Ok. Are we ready now?” James questions when he sees us smiling. 

“Yeah. I think we are,” Colby tells him as he side-eyes me and I nod at him. 

“Ok. What pose was it you wanted to do?” Sam inquires as he rubs his hands together while walking back over after Colby had waved him over. 

“I was thinking we could have me in the middle with both of you guys on my sides, hugging me and kissing my cheeks,” I tell them with a light blush, making them chuckle and nod. 

“Yeah, we can do that,” Sam agrees with a smile and nod. 

“Hold on a moment,” Colby tells us as he holds up a finger. 

He then walks over to Kat and they whisper to one another for a few moments, before Kat pats him on the back. She gives him what seems like an encouraging smile and he hesitantly nods before walking back over to us. 

“Ok. I’m ready now,” Colby informs and I smile softly at him. 

Colby pulls me in from the left and Sam comes up hugging me on the right. I giggle as Colby gives my side a little tickle before they both kiss my cheek and I grin. 

“Ok. On three, one last time,” James explains to us as he slightly bends to the camera again before taking a couple. 

“Ok. Good. You’re all done,” James notifies us as he stands straight once again. 

“Your pictures will be sent to your email,” he informs me and I nod, smiling at him. 

“Thank you, James,” Sam speaks up with a nod at James. 

James nods back before going back over to where he was previously sitting when I first walked up. Sam and Colby both pull away and again I have to fight a frown as I realize my time is up. Kat comes over and pulls her phone out. 

“I’d like to hang out with you sometime, y/n. Do you think I could get your number?” Kat questions me as she holds out her phone to me. 

“Yeah. Sure. I’d love that too,” I agree with Kat as I take her phone and put my number in. 

“Well, I’ll text you soon,” she promises as she takes the phone back. 

“Ok. I look forward to it,” I tell her with a grin before turning to Sam and Colby. 

“Sam, can I get a quote from you?” I ask and he grins, nodding. 

“Yeah. Kat, hon, do you have paper of some sort?” he asks her and she nods before pulling a small ripped up paper from her pocket. 

She hands the paper and a pen to him and he grabs Colby by the arm before spinning him around. Colby rolls his eyes with a playful scoff as Sam uses his back to write it down. He quickly finishes writing before handing Kat the pen. 

“Ok. Done,” Sam tells me as he hands me the paper and I look down at it as I read over it. 

“You can't change the world but you can change how you see it,”

~Sam Golbach

“Awe, Sam… I love it. It’s definitely a good reminder,” I tell him with a smile and he shrugs as he puts his hands in his pockets. 

“I know. It’s even good for me sometimes,” he agrees with me. 

“Ok. Well before I go, can I get one more hug?” I ask the boys and they both smile, nodding. 

I walk over to them and Sam pulls me into a hug first. He hugs me tight for a second and I hug him back just as tight. 

“You got this. It may be bad some days, but just remember on those days that it’s all only temporary,” Sam whispers to me and I nod as I try to keep my tears at bay. 

He pulls back from the hug and smiles softly at me before stepping off to the side. Colby grins as he steps up and pulls me into a hug. 

“I promise you’ve got this. You're a great person and I’d really appreciate getting to know you. I know a lot of people have left you, but think of it this way. It’s not your loss, it’s theirs,” Colby informs me and I nod, hugging him a little closer. 

“Thank you. Really, that means the world to me,” I whisper to him as I cuddle my face into his neck. 

I cuddle into him just a little more and try to commit his smell to my vivid memory. After a few moments more, Colby pulls back and I fight the feeling that rises up inside me at the loss of his contact. I then turn to see Kat smiling at me with her arms open and I giggle, shaking my head. 

“This really was a dream come true,” I tell them as I walk over and hug Kat as well. 

“We loved meeting you, too,” Kat tells me with a grin as she pulls back. 

“Well. I hope we meet again someday,” I admit as I start to walk back the way I had come. 

“Don’t worry, we will. I’ll make it happen,” Kat promises and I smile at her. 

“And I wholeheartedly believe you will,” I reply and she smiles at me. 

I turn around and start walking out with a grin on my face. I turn back one last time to look at them and I catch Colby watching me. I turn back around and smile as I walk back to my car. 

Once back at my car, I get in and let out a happy sigh. I sit in the driver's seat and just soak in what had just happened. I can’t help but let out a little happy squeal before calming down and turning on my favorite playlist. 

As my music turns on, I grin as Skin starts to play and I giggle, shaking my head in slight disbelief. After starting my car, I pull out and start driving back to my hotel for the night. As I drive, I listen to my music and happily sing along the whole way back. 

Before I know it, I’m walking back into my room and my smile still hasn’t gone away. I sigh again as I put my bag down before heading to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, I decide to change back into my pajama pants and as I start to pull my pants off, I hear something like a crumpling sound. 

In confusion, I put my hand in the pocket thinking it’s just my receipt from the ring, but then I remembered that I’d put it in my wallet. Still confused, I pull the small piece of paper out of my pocket and unfold it before reading over it. 

“I would really like to hang out sometime :) I think you’re really beautiful. Text me?  Maybe we can set up a time to meet up. (557)846-2694

~Colby 

I stare at it for a moment in confusion before trying to figure out if it’s real. It’s only after a few minutes that I realize this is the paper that Kat had handed him earlier on. I let out a giggle of disbelief for a moment before snapping out of my shock. 

I quickly race back out of the bathroom into my room and over to my purse. I roughly pull my phone from my purse and pull up a new text feature. It takes me a moment of staring at the phone before I think of what to say. 

“Hi 😁. Thank you for the compliment ☺️. I would absolutely love to meet up somewhere. Just let me know when you’re free and what day 😊,”  I reply and quickly hit send before I can second guess myself. 

I then wait with baited breath for his response, and when it doesn’t come right away, I decide to find something else to do until it does. So I busy myself with drawing on my iPad and do that for a solid few hours before getting bored. I turn my iPad off and sigh before grinning and deciding to play on my PS4 for a bit. 

I turn it on and the screen comes to life. I quickly toggle over to my games file and look through them. A smirk falls over my face when I see Kingdom Hearts and I make a split second decision to play it. 

Just as I get to the first cut scene of Axel eating ice cream with Roxas, my phone goes off. I quickly pause the game and pick up my phone. 

“Hey! Glad you messaged me 😁. I was a little nervous you wouldn’t. You’re very welcome for the compliment, it’s only true 😉. Cool. Would you possibly be free Friday night? 😌”  I read over his reply and blush lightly before clicking on the type box. 

“Yeah. I’m free Friday ☺️,”  I reply and immediately his next message pops up. 

“Well now you're not. I’m taking you to dinner 😉,”  I read it before giggling and shaking my head. 

“Ok. I’ll make sure it’s on my calendar 😉,”  I reply and I can’t help but grin very wide as I see the three dots pop up. 

“Great! So… what are you doing right now?” I read over it and giggle before a smirk falls over my face. 

“I may or may not be playing KH right now…” I type out and send it and again the three dots immediately pop up. 

“No way! Which one?” he asks and I giggle again. 

“Yes way. Four. I just got it about a week ago,” I tell him and it’s like I can feel his excitement when I read over his next text. 

“Dude. Four is awesome. How far are you into the game?” he asks and I laugh, shaking my head. 

“Day eight, the cut scene of Axel and Roxas getting ice cream. I haven’t really had much time to play,” I reply and smile when the dots pop up again. 

“I gotta go, but let’s talk more later,” Colby replies and I smile at the thought he wants to keep talking to me. 

“Ok. I’ll see you Friday ☺️,” I say my goodbyes with a smile on my face. 

“See you Friday 😉,” he replies and I blush when I see the winky emoji. 

Once the last text comes through, I close my phone and pick my controller back up. I press play and continue to play, but find it hard to as I can’t help but think of the upcoming Friday. That’s how my day ends, me happy playing KH which thoughts of what’s to come. 

The End…

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[purplebubblywitch]

________________ Astarion’s Journal: Shadows of Freedom

(For better understanding please read my fanfics before :) Link ) Dear Halsin's Journal,

I still find it strange to write in this book, but damn it, I’ve started to enjoy it. Yesterday, we were at a tavern, celebrating Cazador's death, it was Karlach’s idea. At first, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted it. I’m living in fear for years because of Cazador, and now I’m free? Really? Just like that? And yet... I feel empty.

Like I don’t deserve to be free from all that horror. I feel like some hunted animal that’s run for so long, and suddenly, there’s no one left chasing me. Every shadow’s still filled with fear. My fear.

But I’m trying to get over it. So we went to the tavern, and holy hell, Karlach can drink! Maybe that’s how she slaughtered people in Avernus, drank them all under the table. After three pints, Gale decided to launch into a monologue about his escapades with a goddess. I mean, yeah, it’s a flex to sleep with a goddess, but if you bring it up too often… you know? Though, when he started on some strange magical sex positions, I’ll admit I suddenly got interested.

Shadowheart sat in the corner, looking like a pissed-off black cat, obviously annoyed by all the rowdy people around her. But the real highlight? Watching Lae’zel try to flirt with Wyll. I love her bluntness. Wyll was trying to be polite, friendly even, but when she told him she wanted to “suck him dry,” he spit his drink right into Shadowheart’s face because she was sitting right across from him. Her expression? Priceless.

And Halsin? He said something about “following his nature.” Whatever that means. But I noticed the bartender washing glasses a bit too intensely, all the while making eye contact with Halsin. So, we raised our mugs in a toast to victory over Cazador, and then—obviously—a toast to me. Because let’s face it, without me, we wouldn’t have made it this far.

But that’s not why I’m writing in this book today. What I really need to get off my chest is that in a crowded room, filled with laughter and the clinking of pints, I caught Tav’s eyes from across the room. Everything else went quiet, all I saw were those piercing eyes, swallowing me whole. I heard my own breathing in my head, saw flashes from that first night. Her voice next to my ear. But Karlach’s arm around my shoulders snapped me out of it, and thank the gods for that, because that eye contact was way too intense.

Tav’s been asking me what we are now, but I don’t want to label it. Names bring responsibilities, responsibilities bring rules. I can barely take care of myself, and if I’m honest, I’m not even good at that. I don’t think I have room for someone else, you know? The worst part is, Tav only seems to see the good in me. But I’m no saint. I’ve done awful things, okay, I did them to survive, but still. When you’re in need, there are two kinds of people: the ones who give everything to help, and ones like me, who keep everything for themselves. I’m not boyfriend material. I try to show this to Tav, but this person is so damn understanding, it drives me crazy. I want Tav to see all of me. Not just the charming mask I wear.

The truth is, I’m not sure if I even deserve love. I’ve always had to earn trust and affection, but here’s Tav, willing to give it freely, and it feels both incredible and completely wrong.

Also, I’m still pissed that Cazador wrote that twisted letter about trust issues. I’d kill him a second time for that alone.

P.S. I think Halsin took that woman into the forest. I heard her moaning, “Oh yes, give me the bear!” What the hell does that even mean?! _________________________ I couln't sleep so I wrote another fanfiction. I Hope you like it ^.^

[saiyanprincessswanie]

I Promise

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader

Summary: You fought by Steve’s side until the Accords made everyone choose different sides. You wanted to run with Steve and he thought going alone was better. Do you take him back when he finds you? Can you trust him when he makes promises to you?

Word Count: 686

Warnings: Light Angst, Happy Ending

A/N: This is for Annie's Writing Challenge @nekoannie-chan with the prompt of  "In case you didn’t get the memo, I’m not one of the good guys anymore." I hope you like this bestie!

A/N 2: Beta read by @ifnr-blog-blog-blog & @nekoannie-chan Moodboard by Me. Please be kind as this is the first thing I have written in months.

Reblogs & Comments on Tumblr are welcomed and encouraged. Even if you leave an emoji you will make my day. 😊💜

I do NOT give my consent to have my work translated or reposted on any social media platform, apps, or third-party sites. If you see my work anywhere besides my personal Tumblr & AO3 accounts, it has been stolen. I will NEVER give written or verbal permission to repost or translate any of my fanfics as they’re MY intellectual property.   🚫🚫

You were once an Avenger fighting alongside your friends and the love of your life Steve Rogers. With the chaos of the Accords, everyone took a side, your side was on the run from the law with Steve. That was until he decided he needed to run on his own. It was supposed to be temporary but you should have known better. Steve saw this as protecting you while you felt this was going to be permanent. 

So you lived on your own in a little town in New Hampshire where your home sat in a wooded area. You would grab supplies once a month in town so you wouldn’t be recognized. Hauling everything home you put everything up and grabbed wood as it was supposed to snow for two days. 

You went about your day organizing everything, starting a fire, and eating your favorite soup. The sun slowly was covered by the storm clouds that were rolling in and sure enough within the hour it started to snow. After you cleaned up you went to your room and grabbed a hoodie to put on. It was once Steve’s and it was big on you. 

Walking out to the living room you grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and covered yourself. Picking up a book you started to read. The fire in the background cracked and snapped in the background. Before you knew it the fire gently lured you to sleep.

A loud knock on your door startled you awake. It was past nine o’clock and there were no neighbors nearby. You set the book down and grabbed a gun from the side table drawer and walked cautiously to the door.

“Who is it?” You yelled through the door. Your gun trained on the door.

“Doll it’s me, open up.” 

You recognized his voice immediately and put the gun down as you flung open the door. Steve was bundled up on your front steps. He had snow caught in his hair and beard. He was exactly how you remembered him.

“Please come in and get warm by the fire.” You closed the door behind him watching as he took his boots and coat off. He then joined you on the couch. “So what brings you here? Last you told me you wanted to be on your own.”

“I did it to keep you safe. I didn’t want you to live the life I have been living. Being on the run is stressful at times. You deserve better than that.”

“I deserve better? In case you didn’t get the memo, I’m not one of the good guys anymore, Steve. Why do you think I’m living in the middle of nowhere? I would have rather lived a life with you on the run than live here alone.”

“Why do you think I’m here? I’m here to stay with you if you’ll have me. I’ve missed you so much while I was gone. Say you will have me again. That you can eventually forgive me. If not, I will leave now and never bother you again.”

You had to admit you did miss him a lot. Your heart still belonged to him. Hell, you still have a few shirts in the closet that belong to Steve. 

“Promise me you won’t ever leave me again.”

“I promise.” He answered.

“Promise wherever you go I can follow.” You continued.

“I promise.” 

You crawled across the couch to hug him but he was already pulling you into a bear hug. You had to admit you missed this.

“I will always love you, sweetheart. I will never leave your side again.” Steve promised before he sealed the promise with a kiss. Thankfully Steve kept his promise and you got to live your lives together in the mountains.

tags:

@americasass81

@b3autyfuldisast3r

@caffiend-queen

@charmed-asylum

@denisemarieangelina

@fictional-affairs

@georgiapeach30513

@get0verit

@hollybee8917

@joannie95

@jobean12-blog

@jvanilly

@labella420

@lfnr-blog-blog-blog

@madscape

@mdemontespan1667

@mrsmischief209

@mycrazyasslikestoread

@nekoannie-chan

@notyourtypicalrose

@patzammit

@princessofdarkwinter

@rayofdawnworld

@reneeenders

@sweater-daddiesdumbdork

@wolfsmom1

@what-is-your-plan-today

@writercole

@missvelvetsstuff

@jtargaryen18

[gojowifie]

PSA: for all my ladies that write smut hold your guns I’m just telling the girls that like long fanfics fo start reading actual books like hardcover books so CALM DOWN!!! PLS

As of lately though I’ve been at so much peace because I decided to read an actual book from Barnes and Noble. Like ladies it might be time to pack it up and start reading real books instead of fanfics. Apparently I’m not the only one who’s having a hard time finding actual fanfics instead of the oneshot smuts in which they’re calling fanfics nowadays. I saw some videos on TikTok of other people running into the same issue as me and everyone who agreed with that post I made.

Don’t get me wrong, I know, I know it sucks to not be able to read about your favorite characters and whatnot but unfortunately people are going to write what they wanna write: smut and there’s nothing we can do about it. I don’t think that it’s wrong that people write smut, however I do find it horribly annoying. Some people even felt shammed by my post about calling out the obvious suggestion that it could be a potential porn addiction.

So yeah, if you’re like me and you like reading long stories instead of oneshots then I’d suggest looking into buying real books made by professional authors because I don’t think anything is going to change on here. You might ask why don’t I just go on ao3, but I’m beginning to run into that very same problem over on there. So, I decided to pick up my own book in my closet and read it. It was the best read ever to be honest. No smut, just slow burn, romance, drama, and action. There’s definitely books out there with erotic scenes in them, but this book is not that sort of book.

So yeah we have reached a new era of strictly smut, unfortunately. The girls are not eating like how they used to, so now we must go elsewhere. Especially if the people writing these fanfics get all hot headed when you give an opinion on something they write. It leaves absolutely no room for conversation about this topic. Which is a very immature of some people, but hey me personally I’m not gonna fight anyone on here anymore. It’s too draining and low vibrational for my high spirited soul. So, maybe if I do feel up to it I will try to pump out my own fanfics when I have the time to do so. I’ll be starting fall classes this month so yeah I’ll see about that. 😔

[milli-moi]

I reblogged this as part of a thread on people’s thoughts coming off the Thunderbolts mini comic run but I’ve decided to post it on its own as well. I’m actually not sure how much of this even seems relevant to the original conversation… but I wanted to chime in on the topic as someone who is a reasonably new comic reader.

Tbh I actually still find myself struggling a bit to keep up with writers and story arcs in my head (couldn’t work out what SoL was until right now - sentinel of liberty, right?)

BUT so far I have pretty much exclusively read black widow comics or issues she features in. (I discovered that on the marvel comics website you can search by character and it will give you every issue they are in - sometimes that’s meant she has one line and I am left wondering why the heck I read a whole comic book for that lol)

Personally I have noticed I don’t pay a lot of attention to who has written an issue, but I know I have my favourites. I actually could pin an artist before a writer- Phil Noto is a god amongst all others - but it’s interesting to hear the different thoughts here.

I’ve seen a few posts with people mentioning Nat’s thought process in the Thunderbolts mini run and my ear pricked up. I LOVE writing fanfic that is based on Natasha’s inner thoughts, she is so full of depth. I would definitely think about writing this sort of thing BUT I feel I need to get my source material right in my head.

Basically the tl;dr is this- what should I be reading or re-reading? I think the names and the arcs can make it quite difficult for those getting into comics to understand what they are looking for, and the amount that characters can bounce around between issues and titles makes that even harder. I usually only know what I want to read because tumblr told me…

I know and love the Brubaker and Liu writing but I can’t say I know what the Higgins run was (is this the run following the 2012 end for Winterwidow?)

I just hope that there is more good to come for these two- they need and deserve it.

Please comment anything that might help me in a quest for fanfic thoughts on this, or just generally. Sorry my response was probably a bit of a ramble and may not have all made sense (adhd meds being messed with = brain confusion).

[transparentlyfallingasleep]

7. How do you choose which POV to write from? (Especially for starbucks)

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

aw wow! People never ask me questions on here.

let’s see number 7. Honestly I tried to come up with a better answer than this but it’s just the vibe of the thing. The first story was really just a response to “Clint Barton shows up 15 minutes late with Starbucks” insert Troy with the pizza meme that was out in the ether post his absence in Winter Soldier. I decided to try making myself write from Natasha’s perspective after the Clint heaviness in marketplace etc but in the Starbucks sequel I just wanted to imagine/ write down the Robert Downey jr voice in my head reacting to spy kid 3D. And then they all joined in. Clint’s voice is my most comfortable place to be Natasha, Cap, Maria, Jarvis the least but I think that’s because being that fucking competent seems heptapod level alien.

25: I wish people read unfinished business more… it was my first story in the marvel space and my second fanfic ever. And I still kinda like imagining it’s running in the background of the avengers… and it could have too if not for that pesky Joss Whedon. I also I’m proud of my Game of thrones fic. It was an attempt to self sooth and I think it turned out rather well all things considered.

26. I’m not sure I do wild rides I’m definitely not much of a plot writer. I tend to focus on small intimate character moments. Probably because I suck even more at the other stuff, possibly because being a speech pathologist I’m better at getting voices of characters ‘right’ than I am at making things happen. But I am proud at how I salvaged age of ultron for the rewriting in Market Place and how much I was able to reuse, reduce, recycle might be surprising to readers.

39. So my clinic shut down suddenly in September. If you are Australian I will just say this about it. The NDIS and in particular the Government have been making it harder and harder to work as a paediatric disability clinician and hell bent on telling our clients that it’s because we are rorting the system. I didn’t want my clients to loose their therapeutic alliance and a speechie that has known them most of their lives so I started my own sole trading. It’s long hours, crazy stress and I don’t even know if I will be able to afford the audit come 2025 but for now my kiddos are safe and getting therapy. All the govt has managed to do is privatise the old block grant system and lie about choice and control and that’s all I have to say about that. As a result I’ve got no real WIPs but I have this… you can see that I write dialogue first.

If you’ve come to tell me I’ve besmirched my honour, that the castle is in an uproar… I care not. 

Your grace. 

Ser Davos I am no princess. 

The laws of the realm say

So Tyrion Lannister crowns my brother and frees the north for my sister and now I am smothered by titles? I knew I should have killed that-

Id never really thought about it like that Milady. Allow an old man a small courtesy? I accepted my title for services to Stannis Baratheon. Plenty of times I thought better of it but I did it for those who came after me. Lord Gendry well he doesn’t say, quiet sort that he is -

Surly 

As you say, but i think I’m right in saying he had similar thoughts. I don’t think either of us thought that there might be others on the other side of it. Born to the titles and the power and wanting none of it, wanting to be rid of it. 

He is a good lad lady Arya. Give him longer. He can’t stay this angry for long. 

I can’t stay ser Davos

Forgive me but I’ve lived longer on decking than I have on dry land or had till your brother made me hand. The tides they come again. Like circles they are. Why not tarry even if he’s determined to make himself unpleasant. 

He doesn’t have to put effort into that. He’s had it mastered for years. You are married Ser, children? 

Aye My Lady

[sassyandclassy94]

10 Questions for 10 Writers

Thank you SO much for the tag, @coneygoil !! You have no idea how much I love being included in these things🫶🏻

1. Is writing a hobby or a way of life?

Sadly, it’s just a hobby. My life’s kinda too busy to make it a lifestyle

2. A journal full of notes, or a clean completed manuscript?

A clean completed manuscript, thank you very much. Which is pretty ironic, given I’m a pretty chaotic woman.

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

SwanFire and ThePhoenixFeatherQuill. I went through a Once Upon a Time phase became a huge SwanFire shipper after my first rewatch and one night while I was lying in bed, I looked up SwanFire fanfics. The Phoenix’s masterlist was like, the first or second search result? So I clicked on it when lo and behold! The Spinner’s Son captured my interest. I clicked on it and fell in love. I looked for other medieval AUs but couldn’t find any so naturally, after seeing posts about writing what you went to read, I decided to try my own hand at writing one.

4. Which is worse: Someone you ‘idolize’ reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Well… I’m not a singer (I sing WITH people sometimes) so, definitely having someone I look up to read my first draft. I remember when Red (an awesome writer who I also look up to and tumblr friend - check out his Into the Woods, it’s amazing!!) told me he checked out Secrets, Lies and Blessings after we met and started interacting during covid. I was mortified and wanted to crawl into a hole.

5. Has writing from someone else’s POV changed your perspective?

Um, maybe….? I delved into OC stuff this year and wrote a fic about Gale Cleven. Two people with totally different personalities and characterization than Baelfire and Emma so, I guess yes? Maybe it didn’t change my perspective but it’s helped me grow as a writer maybe? I don’t know, maybe I don’t understand this question…?

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3 and FFN by far!! They’re my favorites and go-tos. I started out on those babies! I think FFN is slowly dying though😔

7. AO3 word count? And are you satisfied with it?

105,744 - No, I wish it was higher. If it was it’d mean I’m more prolific.

8. What movie/book gripped you irrevocably?

Once Upon a Time started my writing hobby. I needed Neal to be happy and I was gonna write that, darn it! But with running out of ideas, writing SwanFire for 6 years straight, and going through a kind of heartbreak, I got really burnt out and kinda stopped for a while. It was The Boys in the Boat and Masters of the Air that inspired me to start writing again❤️ Don and Gale, man! They have a hold on me!!

9. What’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

That my writing is better than I give it credit for. And yes, Red told me that four years ago. He said it more articulate than that though (former English teacher and all, lol!) and him saying that made me feel a little more confident in my writing. I’ve gotten some pretty nice compliments about keeping my characters’ personalities true to canon and that’s pretty high praise too because I go real out of my way to do that.

10. What defines your writing style?

I… don’t even know? Even though most of my stories are romance, there’s also a heavy emphasis on friendship because a good old fashioned friendship is important to me (e.g. Emma and Eleanor). Theyre also very emotional. Whether it’s someone falling in love, preparing for parenthood, or suffering from PTSD, I want my readers to feel what he/she is going through and to be able to relate to them on a personal and intimate level.

Tags: Not me racking my brain to think of all the writers who follow and/or engage with me, and/or are in my notes🤕 @phoenixwrites @ljf613 @solo-pitstop-vibes @okieedokes @swanfireprincessmydear @fictional-at-heart @redbone135 @heatherfield @strangethings-everywhere @plasmabluefire @themeepyfreak And whatever other writer sees this and wants to participate, please consider yourself tagged! You can even say I tagged you. I want you all, especially new writers, to be included🫶🏻 No cliques in SassyAndClassy’s house!!! Oh my gosh is that ten??? DID I DO IT???? We won’t talk about how long that took me to come up with all of you🥴 I hope none of you will be annoyed that I tagged you🫣

[dis0rderly-cl0wn-nerd]

So before I start OC-TOBER I want to give some background on the OC I picked. Below are some drawings of her and a face claim (basically Heath Ledger but genderbent). Some of the drawings are recent and some are up to two years old. I did the reference sheet for art fight this year. I don’t like it because it’s super rushed and I could’ve done better but it gives you an idea.

The oc I picked is Hailey, (my absolute favorite oc). She is from an AU I have where Batman rogues have kids. Here’s some info about her:

Her full name is Jacqueline Hailey Quinzel. She was named after her grandmother 🥺 (if you’ve read my fic you’ll get this) She goes by Hailey because when she was little Jacqueline was hard for her to say/spell/write out. She is Joker and Harley Quinn’s youngest of three kids. The oldest is Jeremy and the middle is Hannah. (I know they wouldn’t ever canonically or realistically have that many but let’s just pretend!) 

They have Quinzel as their last name because Joker’s identity wasn’t revealed yet when they were born. It finally was when Hailey was about 16. Joker came forward and told the police everything because he was tired of carrying around that burden for so long and he felt his family deserved to know who he was. (His story in this AU is a little different from my headcanon/the current fanfic I’m writing so it fits the timeline better. For example he’s a 70s baby instead of 80s and fought in Desert Storm instead of Afghanistan) 

Anyway back to Hailey, as you can see she looks a lot like her father. She is the most like him out of his kids and also secretly his favorite lol. Her personality is a lot like J’s, except she’s not as silly as he is. Jeremy is more like that. Hailey has his seriousness, sarcasm, and overall badassery. Sadly she makes an effort to not smile as much because she looks so much like her dad. She loves J a lot but she’s self conscious about her smile, it freaks people out, and it’s been pointed out to her before. As she gets older she doesn’t care about it as much because what does it even matter? But in school it really bothered her. 

Her hobbies are art (she’s very artsy like J!), aerial dance (silks, lyra, etc), singing, and playing a little guitar. She can do gymnastics and stuff but she’s not as into that and regular dance as her sister is. 

Hailey is 5’11 and very muscular. She’s naturally bigger and leaner, again like her father. Basically she can kick ass. J definitely taught her a thing or two. 

She has a similar music taste to her dad. He passed down his favorites to her and then she added to it. She’s into grunge, metal, nu metal, alternative, indie, etc. things along those lines. 

When she’s an adult she becomes a full time artist doing commissions and murals in Gotham. They pay her pretty well for it! She also has YT, Tik Tok, and Instagram accounts for her art with decent followings.

Her bf and later husband is a random character I made up named Laine. He is a photographer. They went to the same schools but she didn’t actually meet him until after they graduated. He wanted to photograph one of her murals for the blog he runs. They really liked each other and Hailey let him take photos anytime he wanted. Then it grew from there. 

One of her best friends is Delilah, which is Frost’s daughter. J thinks it funny how history repeats itself. 

...

About the AU, when I was younger I loved Descendants and I really loved Batman so I decided to combine those two and make my own AU. Years later I still hold onto it. I’ve just tweaked it to make it more realistic (and less cringe lmao). 

So basically! Gotham got tired of dealing with the rogues over and over again. Arkham (Blackgate too in some cases) was like a revolving door and nothing was working. So the government/city decided to put them on a strip of land just outside of Gotham near the harbor. I still haven't come up with a name for it yet. I just think of it as a ‘Badlands’ type thing.

The land is fenced in and the rogues are not allowed to leave. Unless it’s like worst case scenario and they need serious medical attention or something. They are supervised and have meetings with officials once a month to make sure things are going okay or make town decisions. 

Everything they have is government provided. That's who pays for the water and electricity. They have food and supplies sent to them every month. Sometimes things are donated, especially when the kids came along. When the rogues were preparing to leave they were allowed to take belongings with them, just nothing illegal or guns obviously.

The rogues were all proven competent enough to take care of their kids so the state didn't take them away. Much to everyone's surprise the rogues were really trying to turn over a new leaf and live out the rest of their lives right. They had officially given up on crime. What was the point? They had a chance to start over. Why ruin it?

The children were homeschooled for most of their childhood. They were all like siblings to each other. It wasn't until 10 years later when it was finally decided that they could start going to public school. It was a huge adjustment but eventually the kids got settled in. There was of course teasing and bullying but as tight knit and close as they were, they were able to pick each other up and it rarely bothered them.

Batman, Batgirl, and Gotham socialites also have kids. Batman and Julie Madison have a son. They later get divorced because as we all know, Bruce can't stay in a relationship to save his life. Barbara has a daughter with somebody (idk who the dad is). He's pretty much nonexistent in her life. The other important people in Gotham that have kids are Vikki Vale, Veronica Vreeland, and Madison Lancaster (that girl from my Harley fic that stole Harley's job).

Jonny Frost doesn't live with the rogues. Frost is out on parole, also retired from crime, and working multiple jobs to be able to pay child support and take care of Delilah on the days he has custody of her. When she gets older, he has a connection to Joker again through Delilah's friendship with Hailey.

Batman, the rogues, and the story line are a mix of the Nolanverse and my own version.

Here's the majority of my OCs from this AU. I think there's like two missing because they wouldn't fit on the page but they're side characters and not that important.

All my ocs (there’s over 20 lmao) from this AU have a special place in my heart but Hailey is my favorite 💜

I may do a fanfic or comic with this AU one day and I really want to. I have for years. But I have so much on plate right now so if I ever do, it won’t be for a long time. I may post some art that goes along with it though ☺️

Okay I think that’s enough rambling!

Bonus drawing I forgot to add:

[jeannereames]

I'm new to reading about Alexander the Great, and I read your books first, then Mary Renault's. I like your Hephaistion a lot better, and Olympias (Myrtale), but the two novels were a lot alike in the story itself. I saw at least one reviewer said that yours was like a retelling of hers: "dangerously similar." So I wondered how much her first novel on Alexander influenced yours?

You’re not the first to ask, and the answer is: very little.

When I get that line about my novel being “too much like” Mary Renault’s, or even “fanfic” on Mary Renault, it tells me the reviewer is completely unfamiliar with the ancient sources themselves. For those who are familiar, I never hear this (perhaps because where we differ is obvious).

Unlike the novelist who makes up a completely original plot, when writing historical fiction, at least of this type, there IS a historical thread to follow. I’m not copying Renault. I’m following Plutarch, Diodorus, and, to a lesser degree, Justin. So is she.

Where we “cross” is on the historical elements in the original sources.

If you remove those bits, our two retellings don’t have much in common. Likewise, even in some of the elements from those sources, we differ in interpretations. My novel also begins a good deal later in ATG’s life. We do both end with the same event—I suspect because, when history gives you a “made for Hollywood” incident like the murder of Philip, you don’t turn it down. LOL. Also, for me, it’s the “natural joint” between Alexander-the-prince and Alexander-the-king. Just as the end of Alexander’s stay at Mieza with Aristotle forms the hinge between the two novels—or originally, the hinge between two halves of one novel. (Which is why I was able to divide it in half, when Riptide insisted that I do so in order to publish it, due to its original length.)

But the plain fact is I’d written my own before I’d ever heard of Mary Renault. I backed into Alexander as a result of some grad classes at Emory. He kept popping up in lecture, and I realized I had NO idea who he was. As an English major, I’d read Shakespeare’s “Antony and Cleopatra,” so I knew the “big” Roman-era names. But I’d managed to get out of both high school and my BA at the University of Florida without taking any (real) history classes. Now I was running into mentions of people (and places) with which I was completely unfamiliar.

So, I waltzed over to the Emory library and picked out two bios on Alexander: Nick Hammond’s Alexander the Great: King, Commander, and Statesman, and Peter Green’s Alexander of Macedon (the original version, with pictures…I picked it because it had pictures). As I’ve said elsewhere, I couldn’t have selected two more different views of the conqueror if I’d tried. And that’s what intrigued me…so I kept reading. Then I decided to write a novel about the “making” of him (coming-of-age), and the importance of Hephaistion in his life (because Green was so dismissive of the poor guy). Hephaistion was originally much clearer in my mind. In fact, he’s the (real) protagonist of Dancing with the Lion…certainly for the novel’s first half (Becoming). So I’m glad to hear you liked how I portrayed him.

It was only later that somebody said, “Oh, hey, have you heard of Mary Renault?” English major or no, I hadn’t. I did pick up her novels on Alexander but read only a little way before putting them down precisely because I didn’t want to be influenced by her work. In fact, I read nobody’s novels on him until I finished my original (way too short) rendition. Then I started on the second draft (which turned out to be way too long).

But by that point, my picture of Alexander, and even more so, Hephaistion, was quite set. As was the story I wanted to tell.

So no, Mary Renault’s novels had little impact on the genesis of Dancing with the Lion. But you are not the first person to wonder.

Ironically, Mary Stewart’s Crystal Cave and her subsequent Arthurian Saga had a much greater impact on how I chose to tell Alexander’s story. I did read those as a teen girl, and they fomented a fascination for King Arthur in me that lasted into college. The fact I wound up getting a PhD in Greek history is ironic, as I actively avoided it in high school and (undergrad) college, all my love given to Celtic and Scandinavian myth and history. I still do enjoy Celtic myth, btw. And it was with some amusement that I realized the tale of Alexander and Hephaistion was the foundation for the legend of Arthur and Lancelot. That probably IS part of why Alexander and Hephaistion gripped me so.

So yes, a “Mary” did influence me, but Stewart, not Renault. 😊

[jokerislandgirl32]

New Beginnings: A Wild Violet One Shot

Okay so I’m super behind in the game, but I wanted to complete at least a couple pieces for the Drabblecember challenge, and even though it’s the 29th of December, I decided to go ahead and share this piece with you all. It became more of a one shot than a Drabble, I hope that it okay! It is a very important piece to me because it signifies a very special moment in the relationship between my f/o Zach and s/i Violet. And this is the first fanfic piece I’ve posted in forever, so yeah! I can write again!

The prompt I am using for this piece is Day 1: Winter Weather.

Word Count: 1,662

Rating: Teen and Up

Warnings: Mentions of loss of child, mentions of pregnancy, morning sickness, light angst, one mild curse word, kissing/makeout session, a few suggestive comments (but nothing explicit/nsfw). If any of this triggers you please do not read! I don’t want to hurt anyone!

Placing the story below a cut, there is a second part, so I may update this post/link it at another time! Enjoy!

Selfship Taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed 😊):

@snailchans-imaginarium @crunch-crunch-eat-a-bunch @changingcore @bitchywitchheart @stoatsapphic @3qu1us-main @kittycatkissez @benreillyswife @creativegenius22 @genderqueer-bithing @serenitytodd1234 @mailiow @celestetheseaunicorn

POV: This takes place during the Under Frozen Pond Episode, so here are some Zach screenshots from said episode 🥰!

The cold weather of the winter season enveloped me as I lay in the snow. I wore my husband’s scarf and trench coat, my own gray gloves, and a lilac hat that once belonged to my mother. I looked up to the bright blue sky, and breathed deeply, closing my eyes as I exhaled.

I’d run away from Zach after we’d had an argument about my recent health concerns. Zach was bound and determined to keep me confined to the plane until we returned to the city for me to see my doctor, but I was tired of being cooped up all day.

To be fair he’d gotten his way most days for nearly two weeks because I’d been too sick to even leave our bedroom, but today I’d felt well enough to join him while he surveyed the location for the Annual Villain’s Meeting.

As Zach was wrapping his former winter coat and scarf around me my hopes of breaking free from my confinement to enjoy the cold weather were crushed when I’d gotten sick to my stomach yet again. I narrowly avoided becoming sick all over his shiny winter boots, and Zach grimaced and gagged for a few minutes until my sick spell subsided. He composed himself after I’d come up for air from the trash can he’d ordered Tan to bring to me while Cro cleaned up the mess.

Zach pulled a box of mints out of his pocket and emptied a few in my palm, something he’d started doing nearly two weeks before when I’d first started getting sick, “We’re going to have to get you to the doctor, Vi, you should’ve been over the virus by now, I was over it after a day….this isn’t normal.”

“I know,” I whispered, itching to tell him my suspicions, but I just couldn’t face it, not yet, not after what had happened in July.

I opened my eyes, looking to the sky again, wondering if she was looking down on me with those green eyes so like her father’s, the red hair like her grandmother’s, and my face with the freckles Zach and I both had during childhood.

If she was here things would’ve been very different…but I knew it was best not to dwell on that, it would just depress me again. I tried to focus on the positive: she was now our guardian angel. And if what I suspected was happening, I knew we needed her protection now more than ever.

Zach’s shrill voice met my ears as he called out my name. I lifted my head up far enough to see him slipping and sliding his way toward me over the ice. I laughed and sat up, not wanting to miss the opportunity to see him fall flat on his ass. It reminded me so much of when we’d gone skating the first time a couple years before. I’d never skated in my life and Zach had very little experience himself so it was quite a comical sight.

While he wobbled his way toward me, his curses becoming louder by the second, I thought how much I’d like to go skating with him right then, but I knew with what was happening to me that it probably was not the safest option.

Zach finally reached me, and I flopped back down on the snow, exhausted from my uncontrollable laughter. Zach loomed over me, his legs spread so that my legs were between his, if I’d reached up and pulled him down it would have been a very compromising position.

Zach didn’t seem to notice because he was so absorbed in his own anger, he planted his hands on his hips and took the opportunity to yell at me, “what’s so funny?”

“You trying to walk on the ice, you’re as graceful as a hippopotamus,” I laughed, trying to catch my breath and wiping tears from my eyes.

“I am far more graceful than a hippo platter mouth or whatever,” he hissed, not amused by my comments. Zach turned away and walked in the direction of the plane motioning for me to follow him, “come on and get up, it’s freezing out here…”

I sat up with the full intention of following him, but a wave of nausea stopped me in my tracks. I slowly lowered my head back to the ground taking calming breaths, Zach had turned back to yell at me, “VIO…Vi?”

“I need a minute,” I whispered, covering my mouth with my hand.

Zach crunched his way back over to me through the snow and sat down beside me, his brows knitted in concern, “are you okay?”

I shook my head and he took my free hand in his, wrapping our gloved fingers tightly together, he laid down on his back beside me and we held hands, looking at each other silently until I was able to speak again.

“I’m fine,” I whispered, smiling weakly at him.

Zach lifted his head, and pulled his hand free of mine, “no you’re not, we have to get you to the doctor and find out what’s going on, Violet…I’ll call Donita and Gourmand and we’ll reschedule….”

“No, Zach…” I whined, I covered my face with my hands to hide the tears that threatened to escape, “I’m fine…I’m just sick is all, it’s because, well…Zach…I think we’re pre…”

I pulled my hands away and looked at his face, etched with confusion and curiosity, I couldn’t tell him here, not yet…I had to be sure…so I quickly changed the conversation, “do you remember when we first went ice skating a couple years ago?”

Zach’s face went slack for a minute, and his eyes widened, he lowered his head to the snow again, staring at the sky in confusion before he looked back at me, “uhhh, yeah?”

I quickly covered my near omission, “I think we’re perfectly happy like we were then…yes we’ve had sickness come our way, but we’re not going to let that stop us from being happy and doing what we need to do, right? We’ll just get up and try again after falling down, we can’t let this sickness stop us from enjoying our day…”

Zach’s face contorted with bewilderment again, “so…uhhh, you wanna go skating?”

I giggled, pulling his gloved hand into mine and kissing the top of his hand, “No, that’s not what I meant…even if I wanted to I can’t, but no, no, no…Zach, that’s not my point, my point is, we can’t let me being sick ruin our day, I’m just a little sick that’s all, after today I’ll get a doctors appointment, and we’ll take it from there…one step at a time.”

Zach, nodded his head slowly, still looking unsettled by our situation and conversation, “okay…then….”

I released his hand and grinned, waving my arms around me in the snow, “that’s settled!”

Zach snickered, “are you making a snow angel?”

I stopped moving my arms and glanced to either side of me, I hadn’t done it intentionally, but I indeed had a pair of snow angel wings started, “I guess so…wanna join me?”

“Join you?” Zach scoffed, moving to stand up, he rolled his eyes, “it’s childish, frivolous…”

I resumed waving my arms and moving my legs to complete the angel, “it’s fun…one of my favorite cold weather activities…”

Zach huffed and grabbed my hand, plopping into the snow beside me, he reluctantly started making his own snow angel, “this is humiliating…if Donita and Gourmand see us…”

“They’ll think it’s cute,” I giggled, and I sat up long enough to give him a peck on the cheek.

I peered out of the corner of my eyes and snickered as a blush crept across his pale features that were already tinted red from the cold, “oh no you don’t,” he hissed, moving from beside me to straddling me within seconds.

I could not stop giggling as Zach’s flustered face hovered inches from mine, his hands on either side of my head, “think you can just tease me and get away with it, do ya?”

“N-no!” I gasped between laughs, Zach smirked and closed the space between us, kissing me. My giggles subsided as he deepened the kiss, I reached my hands up and grasped either side of his face, pulling his face closer to me, earning a moan from him, “minx,” he mumbled against my lips. He then trailed his lips across mine and from my nose to my chin. He gave me one quick kiss on my nose and sighed. I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” He whispered, a grin spreading across his face, he shook his head and stood up, “come on, let’s get you back to the plane, laying in this cold weather can’t be good for you.”

I relented and sat up, I held my hands to him and he helped me to my feet, I bounced slightly as I stood up, earning a laugh from Zach, “always enthusiastic…”

Zach released my hands and offered his arm to me, I giggled and wrapped my arms around his bicep, “such a gentleman,” I teased.

He smirked, “I try.”

We started walking back to the plane, and I abruptly stopped. I untangled myself from Zach’s arm and walked back to our snow angels, Zach called out, “what’s wrong?”

I stood in front of the snow angels and whispered a quiet prayer, “please protect this one,” I placed my hands into the middle of my snow angel, fanned out to look somewhat like a butterfly, I felt a tear trickling from my eye, and I brushed it away.

I quickly rejoined Zach who’d raised an eyebrow at me, “was that for Alexandria?”

“Maybe,” I whispered, biting my lip, Zach continued giving me an awkward stare, but he wrapped his arm around my waist, resting his hand on my stomach, unknowingly answering his own question with the simple yet touching gesture.

[whatislovevavy]

WC: 4.4k

Synopsis: An exploration of why Bucky decided to cut his hair

AN: This has been in my Google Drive for about two years and finally got around/had the motivation to finish this. This piece was technically my first ever piece of fanfiction I ever wrote. My writing mostly pertains to Top Gun and Top Gun Maverick so this was a nice little brain break from that. I thought I'd include the original author's note I put together, having never written fanfiction at the time, just for nostalgic sake and if anyone wants to know just how new to this I was lol. Also this divider is not mine and I was unable to tag the account that made it since it was deleted. This work will be posted on my side blog @sophs-writing-nook.

Original Author’s Note: Hello everyone :) This is the first fanfiction I’ve ever written and I really hope you guys like it because I’m a bit nervous about it. I’ve had this idea since I saw the first promotions for the Falcon and Winter Soldier series and didn't really do anything about it for a variety of reasons. I haven’t seen a lot of fics exploring this concept so I decided to write this on a camping trip in my notes app where I didn’t have reception so I apologize if there is bad grammar, spelling errors, etc. If there happens to be a similarity to another fic, it is purely coincidence and I don’t intend to plagiarize anyone. Please let me know if it does appear I have. I have a lot of respect for fanfic writers and don’t want to disrespect anyone and steal anyone’s work unintentionally. 

Warnings: Blood, Trauma (PTSD), sadness with some bittersweet moments sprinkled in, supportive Sam because that’s a warning in itself. 

None of these characters are mine. Read at your own discretion.

Bucky had tried finding a routine after coming back: Get up by 7, go on a run make breakfast, try to keep in touch with his friends he had made since coming back, try a new recipe, maybe try online dating, catch up on what he missed the past 70 years, try to forgive himself for all the atrocities he didn't have a choice in committing, make dinner, shower, and sleep by 9.

That's what his therapist, Darlene, told him to do at least.

She wanted him to write in a journal the names of the people and families he wanted to make amends with, things he wanted to explore and try out, and good things he remembered before he was the Winter Soldier.

Darlene had kept encouraging him to keep referring to the Winter Soldier as if he were his own separate person, and not affiliated with James Buchanan Barnes.

It helped a bit with passing the blame, but not by much. He, naturally, chose the last remnant of Steve he had- his journal- to hold these thoughts.

Steve saw the best in him when he couldn't. 

He made an effort to try and forgive himself for everything he did, for Steve’s sake. 

Why Steve had left him, he didn't fully understand. 

It didn't make the "forgiving himself" part any easier. 

If his lifelong friend, who had been with him through thick and thin, decided to leave him now in this time of his broken, mutilated life, what did that say about him? 

Was he wrong about him? 

Did he truly believe he was worth being fixed and forgiven? 

There were small moments of hope that he could be fixed, but they were few and far inbetween.

His nightmares had gotten worse.

If Darlene would ask, he’d tell her, “no, they haven't", "they've stopped", or "I haven't had one for a while.” Bullshit excuses that anybody who saw the dark circles under his eyes wouldn't believe. Darlene knew he was lying and would try to reassure him that their space was safe and it would help him to get his nightmares out in the open.

He didn't think so.

This woman didn't know what it was like to have the same horrific scenarios play out in his mind every time he went to sleep. 

To see himself killing innocent people like he was in the backseat of his mind. 

The blood. 

Their faces, some close friends and others strangers. 

Their pleas and calls for mercy were what always broke him. 

He was forced again and again to witness himself taking their lives and couldn't do anything to stop himself. Forced to use any part of himself for Hydra.

Nothing was spared.

He felt unforgivable, these nightmares were a sign of the Winter Soldier still being in his head, buried and ready if Hydra got their hands on him again. 

He was tired of fighting and worrying, only wanting lasting peace and a full night's rest.

He had started renting an apartment in downtown Brooklyn near where his family had lived during the 40's. It was near the church cemetery his mother, father and sister, Rebecca, were buried. They were placed in the row closest to the street behind the church his family frequented during his youth. 

His parents had passed from old age when he was imprisoned by Hydra. 

A small part of him was thankful for that. 

They never had to learn that their son had done such horrible things.

They lived with the good memories of him.

His sister had passed during the time half the population was gone, the Blip people called it, from Alzheimer's. He visited her once before, but she was in the late stages, and was a shell of who he remembered growing up. 

His little sister Rebecca, whom he protected, opened jars for, teased, and made sure the boys she liked would be good to her, was now unable to remember him. He was told she passed peacefully in her sleep a few months after he disappeared.

Darlene thought that buying an apartment so close to his family's resting place might be overwhelming for him, but he wanted to be close to them and the memories he had.

The apartment consisted of a basic floor plan; kitchen, bathroom with a shower and bath, living room, bedroom, closet. However, he only used the kitchen, bathroom, and living room.

He didn't have many things when he moved in, and didn't feel he needed all the space allotted to him.

He had invested in a modest tv set, a microwave, blender, and a camping mat, courtesy of Sam's encouragement. 

He had tried sleeping on a mattress, but he felt that he was going to sink through into the floor with how soft and marshmallow-like it felt. He always slept on the floor with a few blankets and sheets. 

Sam had the same experience when he came back from Afghanistan.

Sam had tried to help him adjust to things since coming back, and had done a lot for him, including to help him find his apartment and encourage him to try new things.

There were times he had trouble getting out of his headspace to return Sam's calls and initiate with his friend. Darlene had been saying that for a person who allegedly had no one left, he seemed to have a safety net in Sam. She pushed him to call someone other than her and initiate with him. It was another case where he felt she didn't fully understand how difficult it was for him to build relationships, and "get his nightmares out in the open" since coming back.

He had gotten home late that night from the store, buying ingredients to make a recipe Darlene recommended: chicken tikka masala, he thought she called it.

He was amazed at the amount of change he had missed, especially from a grocery store. His family would boil everything with what minimal spices were available, other than the usual salt and pepper. He found solace in trying new recipes and exposing himself to the technological wonders of the 21st century, including learning how to use a DVD player and the iPhone he recently bought. He tried online dating but found it was too overwhelming and made him feel like a fish out of water. Asking people on dates and seeking relationships came easily to him when he was younger before the war, but everything felt so different now. 

He felt so different and foreign to himself. His arm. His mind. He felt like a shell of the person he was before the Winter Soldier.

His groceries were unloaded into the fridge and he started to prepare his dinner. He placed a bowl on the counter for mixing chicken marinade and marinating the soon to be cooked slices of chicken. The chicken slices were placed into a pan on a low heat to begin cooking. They wouldn't take long since they only had to cook halfway through initially. He gathered the spices for the marinade.

The soft smells of turmeric, ginger, cumin, and garam masala reminded him of the evenings he spent helping his mother cook during the summer. His mother would rummage together some cash every once in a while to buy a few sachets of spices from the local grocery. It was an indulgence she took part in that, compared to now, seemed simple and less of an everyday luxury. 

Sure, the spices she would bring home were more mild and less "exotic" than what he had available to him now, but it was the familiar memory of being taught to cook and the soft smells of his mother's cooking.

His conscience told him to use the spices sparingly despite himself being confronted with a substantially sized grocery aisle complete with spices from almost every corner of the world a mere few hours ago.

Maybe it was his upbringing during the Great Depression and watching his parents worry about where the next paycheck would come from.

Or maybe it was his instinct telling him this small semblance of peace he had found in his Brooklyn apartment would be snatched away, and that he needed to savor every new experience in stride. 

Because if he let himself enjoy them too much, it would make the snatching that much more painful.

He couldn't decide.

He finished the marinade and would have to wait an hour or two to start the sauce and cook the chicken. He placed it in the fridge and made his way to the bathroom for a shower.

The warm water felt nice on his warped, scarred flesh around his arm on his left side. The area would often become sore and plagued by knots. Sam recommended warm showers, aloe vera, a massage and spa place nearby, and Advil. The thought of people he didn't know touching his scarred flesh made him feel nervous, so the rest of his suggestions were his go to. 

His scar tissue and long hair were the last physical mark of Hydra on him. 

He was thankful he didn't have to see the red star that had branded him for so many years when he looked in the mirror anymore, since leaving Wakanda.

But there was still his hair.

His hair that had blood, dirt and grime stained into it for his 70 years of service. No matter how many times he showered, he knew the blood would never leave his hair or his hands. His mind would drift through waves of hopelessness in quiet moments like these more often than not.

He dried himself off with a soft towel, changed into a pair of boxers, and began to gingerly apply aloe vera to the junction where his arm met his shoulder. His shoulder was still a bit sensitive after all these years despite the enhanced healing from the serum. Shuri theorized it was because the metal cavity of his arm continuously tore through the underlying tissue. She was able to remove the bits and pieces of metal embedded in his shoulder. His arm was in the healing process, but it would take a while after years of damage even with the serum. After he finished rubbing in the aloe vera, He put on a dark t-shirt and made his way back into the kitchen to finish the sauce.

He carefully prepared the onions, garlic, and spices for the sauce the way his mother taught him to. 

He couldn't help but think about how his parents and sister would have loved to have tried this recipe with him.

He could almost hear his mother's voice in his head telling him to "cut the onions a bit smaller" or "don't let the garlic and onions burn in the pan".

Rebecca's eagerness to try the sauce prematurely with a perfected pout and whines of protest when denied so.

His father's quiet yet strong presence at the kitchen table reading the daily paper and soft scolding of his sister.

Steve drawing in his journal at the dinner table on evenings when Sarah Rogers would be working late at the hospital.

The radio softly playing in the background as a soothing ambiance.

The kitchen window opened to let the aroma of the Barnes’ family dinner wander through the back alley of the apartment building, and let in the sounds of the neighbors' soft conversations, clothes oscillating in the wind on the clothes line, and car engines humming as people made their way home at dusk.

All qualities of his family's evening routine and upbringing he longed for, but took for granted in his youth.

The stark smell of overcooked onions brought him back to the task at hand, pulling him from his thoughts but leaving his buildup of emotions he felt were about to rupture. He added the heavy cream, spices, brown sugar, and let them stir with the marinated onions and garlic. He felt tears start to form in his eyes. Letting the sauce thicken, he turned the pan onto a low heat, and added the marinated chicken to finish cooking. 

He placed the spatula down on the counter top with a shaky hand, placing his hands on the counter to support himself as he let out a shaky breath, blinking away tears that formed in the corners of his eyes.

God, he wished they were here with him. Steve. His mom. His dad. Rebecca.

He wished he had somebody who knew him before the Winter Soldier that could help him to pick up the broken pieces of himself and to become the person he was again.

He wished he could have said goodbye to his parents, Rebecca, and that Steve hadn't left him.

He wished he could've held his parents one last time before they passed, met the man that Rebecca fell in love with and had a family with, and fought harder for Steve to stay with him and help pick up the pieces.

All things that he couldn't do anything about now.

He wiped his tears away and returned to stirring his chicken masala. Thoughts of his family blending with the thoughts of his recipe like the spices and heavy cream in his pan as a cope. Darlene had mentioned that the recipe goes best with garlic buttered rice or naan, so he had bought ingredients for both, but opted for the naan. He turned on the oven, placed some naan from the store on a baking sheet, and into the oven before returning to stirring the contents of the pan. 

He remembered Sam wanted to come over and check in on how he was settling into his apartment, sometime the next day. Maybe he would want to try some of his dish. 

"Initiate, take small steps to initiate". This counted as initiating, right? He hoped so.

His chicken masala was well blended and deemed done. His naan close behind. He placed a bowl and plate on the counter, served up his recipe and naan, and sat down at his two person dinner table, and prepared to eat. Darlene had told him that making a makeshift taco with the naan tasted good if he opted to not make the garlic butter rice. He took his first bite and let himself experience each incredible flavor. 

He would definitely be making this recipe again.

Maybe he could make a batch for Sam. 

It would be a small way to return the favor.

He made his way through his dinner, and would start heading to bed soon. It was almost 9 anyway. Shuri told him that consistent good sleep would also help him heal mentally along with his therapy and the treatment she provided.

He made a mental note to try making the garlic butter rice, thank Darlene for the recipe, and ask her if she had any more favorite recipes he should try during his next session.

He brought his dishes to the sink, moved to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and shed himself of his shirt. Sleeping shirtless was normal for him both during the war and after getting the serum, finding that he would warm up easily and end up tossing and turning in the night. 

His escalated body heat helped him to survive the frigid Siberian winters during his imprisonment, but not the mild to warm summer nights in Brooklyn.

Laying on the hardwood floor with the lights out left him with his thoughts. He remembered the nights he and Steve spent laying on couch cushions on the living room floor of his parents apartment. 

The nights he and his sister would read The Hobbit under the covers of his bed when they were younger, while their parents thought they were sleeping. 

He liked to sleep with the TV on at a low volume and the window opened so he wouldn't be lost in his thoughts for too long. 

He didn't have as much trouble falling asleep as before. Darlene told him to take deep breaths while resting his eyes and had gotten better at it since seeing her. 

Breathe in for 5 seconds, exhale for 10, and repeat till he felt calm enough to drift to sleep.

He steadily awoke hours later, feeling warm and groggy.

 It was quiet. 

The TV was off and the window was shut. 

He was none the wiser in his hindered state of being as he lifted himself off of the floor and trudged to the bathroom, the soft sound of his bare feet pattering on the wood floor like rain drops on a window, encompassing his apartment in a soft echo.

He turned on the soft bathroom light and twisted the cold faucet on, leaned down and scooped cold water in his hand, and poured it on his face. Supporting himself by his forearms, he closed his eyes and relished in the feeling of cold on his face and cascading down his neck. 

The water felt warmer now and had a distinct iron smell to it.

He opened his eyes and was met with his hands drenched in blood. Blood flowing into the sink from the tap. 

He slowly turned to meet his reflection. Met with the cold, dark, blank eyes of the Winter Soldier. The blood stained leather vest, black muzzle, and the long brunette hair stained black from blood falling over his face. 

He was there with him, as clear as day. 

He felt a stark and deep rooted sense of fear awaken and burrow itself in his chest as he quickly retreated from the sink, pressing himself against the opposing wall. Eyes wide and breathing heavy, he felt the walls of the bathroom constricting him.

The Winter Soldier reached out his metal arm, severing the separation between the mirror and his bathroom, and brought it down onto the counter top with a resounding crack, small remnants of the cheap countertop tumbling to the floor. He lunged for the door and twisted the knob but it wouldn't budge. Desperately, he tried to break down the door, knuckles bleeding and eyes teary. He could feel the Winter Soldier getting closer to him and was too terrified to turn back and face him. He broke through the door with a splitting crack, splinters in his hands. Awaiting on the other side was a long dimly lit corridor lined with bars and cold concrete walls. 

His heart stopped. 

He knew this corridor. 

He would always know this corridor. 

He didn't want to go forward, but he had no choice. Breaking into a sprint, not looking back and praying he didn't trip over himself, he felt a sudden, strong grip on his leg, pulling him backwards. Landing on the hard concrete with a groan and turning himself to face his captor: Two dark, army clad figures awaited him. He shuffled away from them as fast as he could but couldn't get to his feet fast enough to avoid being dragged to by his feet towards the bathroom. His screams echoing off the walls, and hands burning from friction against the cement floor at his attempts to escape their grasp.

He couldn't believe what was happening, he thought he was free from Hydra. 

Free from these corridors. 

Free from the chair.

He felt his nails fruitlessly catching on the small ridges of the cement floor as he was mercilessly dragged. The hallway enclosed in darkness behind him and the bathroom light ahead of him, serving as a beacon of pain and suffering. 

He was left on the bathroom floor, shaking and crying, accentuated by the sound of the slamming of a steel door. His teary eyes searched for the figures but found none. Instead, his eyes landed on the dull gleam of the worn metal frame in his bathtub, tinged with small droplets of blood, smoothed down edges, and strained leather straps.

If he wasn't sobbing before, he was now. He felt so trapped, his heart beating out of his chest; his lungs made of tin, unable to expand.

His shaking frame was folded on the floor by the bathroom door. A few moments of silence flooded by the drops of his sink tap and his attempts to catch his breath. 

Abruptly, a handful of his hair was grabbed, his body dragged to the chair as he let out seethes of pain and cries. 

He was held down in the chair as he was strapped in by faceless, dark army figures. Soft whispers and murmurs of pleas for mercy and forgiveness settled around him, originating from every vent and faucet in his bathroom, nestled their way to his ears. 

They grew louder and droned out the sound of leather going through buckles and the mechanical "wrrrrr" of the head plates assembling towards the top of the chair. 

He struggled and screamed, but it was no use. 

Trapped in the chair, no chance of escape; Limited by his mind and not his body. 

He anxiously waited and dreaded for the excruciating pain of electricity to course through his body, to hear the words Hydra spent so much time and care to drill into his mind.

But both never came.

He awoke with a startle, eyes wide, body and blanket soaked with sweat, lungs gasping for breath. 

His window open, letting in his neighbors everyday routine squeeze into his apartment. 

The TV on a low volume, playing auctions for nic-nacs and heirlooms people didn't find use for. All drowned out by his racing thoughts and attempts at breathing.

The blanket pooled around his waist as he shifted to lean against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to focus on his breathing. 

He needed his hair gone. 

Like a wounded animal, he made his way to the bathroom with shaky breaths and uneasy strides. He flipped the bathroom light on, feverishly opening and closing drawers to find what he needed most.

A pair of scissors.

A raspy sigh left his lips as his hands met the plastic frame of the twin bladed tool.

His eyes shifted from his reflection to his hold on the scissors. 

Carefully, he brought his metal hand to his hair, extending one of his many locks of hair.

His eyes drifted from the lock of hair to the metal blades that almost fully encased it. 

Snip.

He watched as the lock frayed till it was severed completely, feeling the freed lock in his hand and watching it fall to the counter.

A sigh of relief left his lips as tears pricked his eyes as he met his reflection in the mirror. 

Snip.

Snip.

Snip. 

His tears were flowing fully down his cheeks as almost the entirety of his left side was covered in frayed, unevenly cut hair. 

He gingerly ran his flesh hand along his head, relishing in the short tufts of hair, and began repeating the same frenzied cutting on the other side of his head, and towards the back

If the tears weren’t flowing before, they were now. 

He placed the scissors onto the hair ridden counter with a clang, keeping his relieved gaze on himself, feeling his chest wrack with sobs, body slowly crumbling against the sink and to the floor.

He had never felt such relief in his life. 

His hands ran over the chopped hair, savoring the uneven patched of hair, his head laying back to rest against the wood cabinet below his sink,  eyes fluttering shut.

Muffled knocks softly rose his mind from the depths of sleep. 

He let his eyes adjust to the bathroom light, feeling his neck ache from how he slept against the drawers of the cabinet. 

Sam. 

He rose up to his feet with a groan, trudging to his front door.

His front door opened with a click.

“Hey, man-woah.”

He rose his eyes to meet Sam’s wide ones, giving him a small smile, “Hi, Sam.”

Sam swallowed.

“Late night hack job, huh?”

He gave Sam a tight-lipped smile, nodding. 

Sam’s lip quirked. 

“I, um, I made something for you if you’d like to try it.”

Sam watched as he rubbed the back of his neck with his flesh hand.

He moved from the door, leaving it open for Sam to come in.

Sam carefully stepped into his apartment, taking in the rumple of blankets on the livingroom floor. 

“It’s chicken tikka masala, my therapist recommended it.”

Sam took the plastic container he held out for him.

“Thanks for this…We should go get you a haircut. You can’t be walking around Brooklyn looking like you had a blender cut your hair.”

His lip quirked, nodding.

After a few minutes, he met him back at the front door in jeans, a t-shirt, and his bomber jacket, and glove.

“Ready to go?”

He wordlessly nodded, closing, and locking the door behind them. 

—

“Alright, what do you think?” 

The hairdresser adjusted his chair so he could see himself fully in the mirror. 

He could feel his eyes glaze over.

His previously poorly chopped locks were no where to be found, replaced by almost buzzed cut hair with a bit of length towards the top. Barely enough for anyone to get a good grip in.

“It’s perfect, thank you Melissa,” he muttered to the woman that gave him a kind smile in return. 

He tried to hand the man at the cashier station some cash, but Sam interjected with his card.

He looked at Sam with slight bewilderment.

“You’ll cover me next time.”

His lip quirked, as Sam nudged his shoulder as they made their way to the exit.

He stopped in front of a window for a store on the way back to his apartment, seeing his reflection in the storefront.

And for once, he didn’t have a deeprooted distaste or fear of what he saw. 

It almost made him cry.

He needed this.

His long hair gone. The last remnant of his time in Siberia, of the shackles that held his mind down under water like an anchor, gone. 

Out of sight. Out of mind.

Sam stopped a few paces ahead of him.

“You wanna stop in?”

Sam’s voice broke him from his trance.

He gave Sam a small smile.

“No, just taking it all in.”

Sam gave him a comforting smile as he caught up with him.

They continued on to his apartment to give Sam some of his chicken tikka masala, running his hand through his hair periodically with a smile on his face.