#I’m peeing and then going to bed NOTHING FUN IS HAPPENING

[kangals]

at any given moment I am being stared at by at This Fuckin Thing.

[adultbabystories]

“Again?”

“Again?” your partner asked from the other side of the bed.

You were on your side, facing the other way, awake. He knew you were awake, he knows you. He knew you were awake and saying nothing.

“Did it happen again?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you replied softly.

“Yeah,” he repeated softly after you.

You wet yourself yet again, at night, without waking up.

The diaper was damp and swollen like it wasn’t just a light wetting. It was a serious one, from the front to the back. You’d expect it should wake you up, or at least bother you at night, but nothing. You woke up as usual, to a wet feeling in your crotch, and a light scent of pee in the air.

“It’s the third time this week,” he said as he came over, hugging your shoulder.

“I know,” you replied.

“Second one in a row,” he emphasized the word ‘row’.

“I know,” you said so quietly, it didn’t reach him. A few months ago your long-time partner sat you down for a deep conversion, revealing his ABDL fetish and his Daddy side. You loved him and you would do anything for him, so you decided to go along and experiment a bit. Some dressing up, some “hypno files”, it was fun, but mainly sexy because it lit some fire within him that you didn’t see before. But your interest faded away after some time, and he had picked up on that. As time went by, ABDL stayed on the sideline. After a while, something came back. On some nights, before you went to bed, he said “Good night my big boy”. You weren’t sure, but at that time, the bedwetting had started. Some nights he said “Good night my big boy” and some “Good night my baby boy”, and on some mornings you woke up wet. From your past fetish adventures, a pack of white plain diapers was left in the closet. When he offered you to wear a diaper to bed, after the second wetting it seemed unreasonable not to. Now only two clean diapers left. Your partner reached from your shoulder to your crotch and behind, patting your diaper. The diaper was full.

“My baby boy had such a good night,” he said and gave you a little kiss on the cheek, “That’s okay. By the situation of this diaper, I’m going to order those thick adult baby diapers we saw online. Because I think you are not far from having an overflow”.

You buried your face in the pillow. The wetting just happened, you couldn’t control it, and you didn’t want those stupid adult baby diapers, but he was right. You thought you could leak to the bed in those regular diapers. Did you want the adult baby ones?

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that, Daddy’s here”

[phantompanties]

🔞MINORS DNI🔞

The First Meeting

pairings: incubus oc (Lucius) x fem!reader

Tags and warnings: loss of virginity, corruption kink (kind of), long tongue, cunnilungus, vaginal fingering, dick piercings, vaginal sex, soft domming, mild use of master, teasing, mild tattoo kink, monster fucking, creampie, aftercare, always pee after sex pussy havers!!!! Its important!!!

Length: 3k+ words

Part 2

You were never much of a people person, to be honest. Meeting new people was always a nerve-wracking endeavour. You yearned for a lover for a long time, but your complications with meeting strangers made things difficult. On multiple occasions you tried to muster the courage to try dating apps, but the horror stories you’ve heard made you shy away every time. It made times like right now especially difficult. When you were so unbearably horny but not even your toys were cutting it. You were desperate and couldn’t wait that long for the right person to come by and treat you right.

That led you to right now, possibly your most embarrassing moment. You scrolled a sketchy occult website on your phone, chanting an incantation in most likely very poor Latin as you were surrounded by lit candles meticulously arranged in a circle on the floor. You adjusted your sheer bra and the leather harness accentuating your figure, hoping that whatever you were about to summon would be impressed. When you finished the incantation, you waited in silence for a moment. Then another, and another.

…nothing. Not even a noise or shift in the atmosphere. You knew it was too good to be true. Sighing, you got ready to blow out the candles and go to bed in disappointment and shame. As your fingers touched the sleek black wax, the flame suddenly turned a bright blue, and the rest of the candles followed suit. You gasped as the flames got bigger, falling back on your ass so you didn’t burn yourself.

“Uh oh, nearly got your eyebrows there.” a deep voice echoed from nowhere.

“Huh!?” you gasped, looking wildly around your dim room for whoever spoke. “W-who’s there?”

The voice chuckled, the sound smooth and velvety. “Who do you think, darling? Didn’t you summon me?”

“Wh-what-” your eyes widened when on the wall in front of you where your shadow was cast, long curved horns grew from your head. You tilted your head left, and the horns followed, to the right, they followed. You heard the buttery smooth chuckle yet again as somehow a grin split on the shadow where its face would be. Suddenly, the shadow stood up from the floor on its own, and your eyes widened as it shifted into a form that wasn’t yours. A very tall form.

The mouth on the shadow moved as it began to speak. “Wasn’t it you who completed the ritual? Did you think nothing would happen? You’re a silly girl, aren’t you? This should be fun.”

You were speechless, only able to dumbly stare as the shadow manifested itself, revealing a very tall man with grey skin that faded to black at the extremities, his fingers tipped with black claws. His skin was decorated with glowing teal tattoos, and you especially noticed the ones on his belly that pointed down to his groin. Lord have mercy, there was even a diamond shape on his pubic bone. His pubic bone that was exposed by his undone pants.

You felt his clawed finger lift your head to meet his eyes, which were the same shade of glowing teal decorating his body, surrounded by inky black sclera. He smirked at you with his pierced lips. “Am I so attractive that I’ve left you speechless? I’m flattered, darling.”

You gulped. “I-is this real…?”

“Oh, I can assure you, bunny, I’m very real. I’m what you wanted, right? An incubus? A demon of the night? To be honest, your pronunciation of the incantation was a little… broken. But that’s okay baby, I know you humans don’t really speak Latin anymore. It wasn’t bad for your first time.”

Your face heated up in embarrassment. Demons are real and the first one you’ve ever met just told you that you suck ass at Latin. Good fucking start.

The demon giggled at your embarrassed face, caressing your cheek with his clawed thumb. “You’re just too cute. What’s your name, bunny?”

“(y/n)...” you mumble, staring into his hypnotic eyes.

The demon took one of your hands that hung limply at your sides, giving it a gentle kiss. “Beautiful name, sweetheart. You may call me Lucius. Mmh… did you put this on just for me?” he asks, snapping the strap of the harness on your chest. “Adorable. Good choice tonight, love. Leather makes me crazy.”

The way Lucius stared at you made flames lick at the inside of your belly. Slowly, he guided you up off the floor, his large hand engulfing yours. Good god he was tall. Your face barely reached his chest.

“Where’s your bed, love?” he asks. “Unless you’d like to do it here. I’m not picky.”

“Ah… i-it’s over there…” you pointed to the back of the room. “Let me put out the candles…”

With a swish of Lucius’s tail, all five of the candles arranged in the circle went out, leaving you in the dim moonlight.

“That works too,” you say.

Lucius chuckled, guiding you over to your bed. He sat you down on it and hovered over you, close to your face.

“So how do you want to do this, darling? I’ll do anything you ask of me. I’m bound by contract until sunrise to be here with you, sweetheart.”

“U-um…” Shit. You didn’t think this would actually work. “I… don’t know…”

Lucius’s eyes widened. “Hold on a moment…” he leaned into your neck, and you shuddered as you heard him take a deep inhale of your scent.

When he leaned back his slitted pupils were dilated much like a cat’s. “Well, isn’t this a rare surprise? A virgin, just for me. Aren’t I lucky?”

“You… can smell virginity?” you ask dumbly.

“Of course, darling. To demons like me, a virgin is like that of the ripest and sweetest of fruit. We don’t get to feed from something so delectable so often. Right now, you’re making me positively salivate, darling.”

His words sent heat shooting straight down into your groin, and you barely let out the smallest of whimpers. A small flash of a blue tongue peeked out from the demon’s lips, wetting them in anticipation. “I’ll savour this moment, bunny.”

You sighed as Lucius kissed you, his labret piercing creating a contrast of sensations between his hot lips and the cool metal. It didn’t take long for it to warm up, though. Especially when he slipped his tongue into your mouth. You moaned when you realized his tongue was not only forked but pierced as well. He chuckled, running his hands down your body. You arched into his touch, breath hitching at every caress and squeeze. 

“You’re so responsive to my touch, bunny… you must be aching for relief, you poor thing… don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”

Lucius gently laid you down on your pillows, kissing and licking his way down your body. His mouth latched over your sensitive nipple through your sheer bra, wetting the fabric. His eyes glanced up, watching you bite your lip as the tips of his tongue flicked at the sensitive bud. He chuckled. “So cute… I hit the jackpot tonight.”

A clawed finger hooked the leather garter around your waist, snapping it into your creamy skin. “Such a beautiful outfit… I can’t wait to ruin it.”

You gasped as he travelled lower on your body, tracing a path with his tongue. When he got to your panties, he used his sharp claw to sever the straps keeping him from removing the offending fabric. He looked into your eyes with a mischievous glint, maintaining eye contact as he removed your panties with his teeth. Finally, you were bare to him, and he looked absolutely ravenous. 

Instinctually, you attempted to close your thighs, but he tutted in disappointment. “Ah, ah… don’t be doing that, darling… let me see.”

Lucius took your thighs in his large hands, spreading them as wide as he could and groaning in approval at what he saw. “Such a pretty pussy… and so wet already…”

You whined, hips twitching in need. Lucius chuckled darkly, sending electricity straight to your core. “I know, I know baby… you want me to make you feel good, yeah? I’ll give you what you want.”

Lucius leaned down, giving your clit a kiss. “Mmh… this is going to be a treat…”

You gave a broken moan as Lucius licked a stripe up your sopping folds, his tongue piercing giving added stimulation. You felt him smirk as he dove in, flicking, swirling and licking your clit with the tips of his tongue. He moaned at the heavenly taste, and his tattoos glowed brighter. “Delicious… mmf… I need more…”

Suddenly you gasped as you felt his tongue enter your hole, filling you more than a normal tongue ever could. Your hands flew to his glowing horns, and he groaned, grinding his hips into your mattress. The feeling of his demonic tongue fucking you like a tentacle and his piercing rubbing your walls was better than anything you’ve ever done to yourself. Lucius moaned, almost whining as he drank your nectar from the source. The knot in your belly tightens and tightens as his piercing drags over your sensitive spots, and the way his nose bumped your clit made you cry out.

“Fuck… f-fuck…!” you sobbed, pulling him by his horns into your core. The vibrations from Lucius’s moans finally sent you over the edge, and you wailed, grinding your pussy on his face.

Lucius wasted no time in lapping up the sweet honey that seeped from your folds, licking his lips in satisfaction. “So sweet… so delicious… mmf…”

“Wh… what was…” you gasped, panting heavily as you came down.

Lucius giggled, lolling his blue tongue out of his mouth. His very long blue tongue. It was so long it reached down to his chest.

“Imprethed?” he asked.

“H-how does that fit in your mouth!?” you gaped at him.

Lucius pulled it all back into his jaws and giggled. “That’s a secret, darling.” He suddenly began to fan himself. “Mmh… it’s getting so hot in here… it’s unbearable…” you watched as his clawed fingers unzipped his leather top, stripping himself bare. He smirked as you ogled the new tattoos you hadn’t seen before. In the middle of his chest was a heart with lines coming off of it like spikes, and across his chest and shoulders was a double helix decorated with three dots in each loop. On his forearms were diamonds decorated with swirls and more dots. He took your hand, guiding your fingers to trace over the lines and feel the taut muscles beneath his grey skin. It was then you noticed that his nipples were pierced as well.

“Aren’t they pretty?” he asks as he guides your fingers along the heart on his chest. “All of my pets have loved my adornments…”

“Yeah…” you gasp as he dragged your hand further down his body, over his abs and to the bulge straining his unzipped jeans. “Do you feel that? What you do to me?” he whispers. “I’m positively aching, darling…”

You swallowed in anticipation, and he grinned, showing his sharp fangs. “Allow me to free myself from these leg prisons, darling. One moment.”

Lucius stepped off the bed to kick off his pants, and your eyes widened when his cock sprung free from its confines. It was… oddly pretty. Could a cock be described as pretty? If so, his was gorgeous. Much like the rest of him, it had piercings along the underside, too. The only thing that struck you as strange was the fact that it faded to teal at the tip, much like his horns. 

“Wh… why is it blue?” you ask.

“Why is yours pink?” Lucius asks back.

The two of you stared at each other in silence for a moment before he burst into giggles. “Ah… you’re so cute, darling. I can’t stand it. I want to eat you right up… oh wait, I already did.”

“S-stop teasing me…” you whine in embarrassment.

“Aww, I’m sorry, bunny, I can’t help it… here, let me make it up to you…”

Lucius leaned back over you, kissing your lips and stroking down your body with his slender fingers. When you felt his fingers tease your dripping hole, you broke the kiss.

“W-wait… you aren’t gonna finger me with those nails, are you?”

Lucius grinned. “Of course not, sweetheart. I don’t like hurting my pets if they don’t want it…” he showed you his large thin hand decorated with silver rings, and you watched in awe as the sharp claws shrunk, becoming round and blunt. 

“Whoa…”

“Being a magical creature has its perks,” he says, kissing you and lying you back down. You shivered as his ringed fingers traced your folds, teasing your hole as they went up and down, up and down… then finally, after you whined into his mouth, he dipped a slender finger into your fluttering pussy, gently stroking your slick walls.

“Mmmh.. does that feel good, darling? Does it feel good when I rub your clit with my palm while I fuck you with my finger? Oh, you’re so wet already from just one… so cute… want me to add another? Tell me what you want, darling…”

When you whined and bucked into his hand, he chuckled. “Ah, ah, ah, bunny, use your words… I won’t know what you want unless you tell me…”

“P-please…” you gasp.

“Please what, my pet? Tell me what you want…”

“A-another finger… please… I want more…”

“Good girl… so good…” Lucius obliged, adding a second finger and picking up the pace. “Only good girls who use their words get what they want…”

You whined in embarrassment. “Lucius… mmf… stop teasing…”

“Oh, I know, I know, pet… but I can’t help it. I love it when my toys squirm for me… it tastes so sweet…”

You gripped the sheets as he fingered your pussy to the knuckle, his cold metal contrasting with your hot folds, mewling at the downright filthy squelches you didn’t know you could make. “L-Lucius… fuck me… please fuck me…”

“Ah, not yet darling… not yet. Not until you cum on my fingers…” he chuckled as you whined and bucked against his hand. “Oh, I know… I’m so mean to you… not giving my master what she wants… but I’m on the bigger side, pet… If I don’t loosen you up a little, it’ll hurt… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt my master during her first time… come on, baby, lose yourself. Cum all over my fingers… lose yourself to pleasure…”

For the second time that night, the knot in your belly tightened, fire licking at your groin and making you sob. Lucius stroked your g spot with a come hither motion, making you cry out.

“Go on, pet… let it out… let it all out for me…”

“Fuck! Nngh… Lucius!!!” you cried as you came for the second time that night.

Lucius’s tattoos glowed brightly as he absorbed your energy, cock twitching against your bare thigh from how delicious it was. “Fffuck, I’m so glad I answered your call first… nngh… I can’t hold back anymore, darling, I need more… I’m going to ravage you…”

Lucius slipped his fingers from your puffy pussy, sucking on them with a groan as he dragged his cock through your soaked folds. He grasped your chin, making you look him in the eyes as he pushed in. he bit his lip, whining at the heavenly feeling of your gummy walls fluttering on his cock. “Fuck… oh fuck, darling… you feel so good…”

You sobbed at the feeling of his cock invading your hole, feeling every dip, curve and piercing that dragged along and stimulated your sensitive areas. His bright eyes rolled into the back of his head from the sheer concentrated sexual energy radiating off of you and into him. You scrambled to grab his tattooed shoulders when he began thrusting into you like a rabbit.

“Nghhf… that’s right, darling… fucking lose it… wrap your legs around me and give into pleasure… Ohhh fuck… it feels so good… so so delicious… squeeze tighter, darling, fuck…”

Your nails drew lines in his back as he ravaged you, and tears flooded your eyes from how fucking good it felt. Every time he sheathed his pierced cock inside you and bumped your cervix was like an injection of pure pleasure.

“I feel you fluttering around me, love… nngh… you’re going to cum soon… do it… fucking cream around my cock, bunny… feed me that fucking sweet energy…”

You dug your nails deeper into his back, wrapping your legs around his waist tighter and screaming as white stars clouded your vision from the sheer strength of your orgasm. The way your walls clamped around him was enough for him to stutter his thrusts, shoving in one last time to the base and filling you to the brim with his demonic seed. He whined like a bitch in heat as he rode out both of your highs, his teal tattoo’s nearly glowing white from the sheer intensity of lust emanating off of you.

Finally, the two of you were coming down, panting and moaning into each other’s mouths as your tongues tangled together.

Lucius broke the kiss, a string of mixed saliva between the two of you.

“That… fuck… that was…” you gasped.

“That was a delicious treat, thank you, darling…” he says, kissing the back of your hand. “You did so well for your first time…”

Suddenly you were overcome with drowsiness, and you yawned as he stared at you adoringly.

“How cute… I know you’re tired, my pet, but you can’t go to sleep just yet… we need to get you cleaned up… and you need to pee."

“I-I can barely move my legs…” you whisper bashfully.

Lucius giggled, giving you a peck on the lips. “I’ll take care of you, master. After all, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt one of my pets."

[zmediaoutlet]

for @wincestwednesdays: performance

Dean’s heel won’t stop bouncing. He’s tried to cut it out a few times now but his head won’t stop bouncing, either, brain jerking around to ten different things like a car fishtailing on a gravel highway, and when he gets back to this universe again—there’s his damn knee, jogging like he’s had a triple red-eye and maybe some under the table adderall, too, just as a fun chaser. He leans forward, sets his palms heavy on his knees. Breathes in through his nose, out through his mouth. His heart thudding sick in his throat. Eight months to go.

Motel door opens. “They were out of El Sol but I got the other one,” Sam says, six pack under his arm and plastic bag dangling from his fingers and fumbling with keys, heeling the door closed behind himself, shaking night rain out of his hair. “And, yes, I got the jerky.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Sammy,” Dean says. Big grin. Sam rolls his eyes and doesn’t seem to notice how Dean jumped like a frickin b-horror starlet when he came in. His heart racing harder even though—god, what’s wrong with him. It’s Sam.

Sam, pulling a beer and tossing it to Dean, tapping his open laptop to see if there’s been any update to the police scanner since he left. Like Dean wouldn’t have noticed, and said. Although, given the fishtail— “Nothing,” Sam sighs, and okay. Okay, good. Or, not good, because they’re waiting for an update, so they can figure out who’s been killing random dudes, so they can kill that thing, so they can get out of this town and do something else, anything, except there’s nothing that really counts as doing anything because they can’t, because if they do Sam will—and then all of Dean’s whole life will mean exactly jack squat, all his purpose and hope and love drained out of him like blood pouring from a bullethole, and he already had that happen once, and he’s not doing it again. Sam will just have to live, and Dean will—he’ll—

“Dude, what’s with the fidgeting,” Sam says. He tips his beercan toward Dean’s jumpy fuckin’ knee. “You can go pee, I can watch the scanner.”

“Ha.” Dean stretches out his heels, ignores his racing heart. Smiles at Sam with everything he’s got. “Just bored. Don’t think our ghost’s gonna kill again tonight.”

“The ghoul, you mean?” Sam says, and Dean silently mouths the ghoul? with his most irritating face, and Sam—incredibly—doesn’t go for the same argument they’ve been having for three days, but maybe he’s bored, too, because instead he says, “Yeah, maybe not.”

Raining louder outside, some last hurrah of late-summer weather. Covers up traffic noise and the thudding in Dean’s ears, makes the motel room seem smaller. Maybe safer. Shelter, at least. Dean licks the point of his canine and gulps beer, washing bitter cold to the back of his throat, and Sam watches him do it across the dingy grey-brown carpet, thumbing the aluminum rim of his own can. Some expression in his eye Dean can’t quite pin down. He lowers his beer and Sam’s still looking at him, and then Sam’s face changes, the corner of his mouth curving down, and Dean’s whole chest seizes up because—no, they are not talking about—

“Turn up the scanner,” Dean says. Sam frowns, jarred, but he thumbs the volume on the laptop so they’re getting radio crackle. “Okay. So we won’t miss anything.”

“Why would we miss—” Sam starts, but Dean’s already gotten off the bed and rolled onto his knees between Sam’s spread legs and is grinning up at him before he can ask the dumb question. And, yeah, he gets another eyeroll, and he gets a scoff, but Sam’s legs spread out to accommodate his shoulders and he’s not exactly getting up, is he. “Dude, really?”

“What?” He knows just the right amount to lean into it—how to tip the grin filthy, how to look up under his eyelashes. “I’m bored, you’re bored. I know how we could change that.”

“Pretty sure of yourself?” Sam says, but he says it with red rising in the hollow of his cheeks, his thighs spreading lazily. Dean drags his hands up the soft-warm denim and touches his tongue to the gap between his teeth, the way that’s always worked, and sure enough sees Sam’s lips part and his eyes drop and—yeah, another tick in the win column. It’s so easy.

Sam drags his thumb over Dean’s lower lip, drags down to his chin. “Always am, little brother,” Dean says. He sits up higher on his knees and Sam’s hand drags down his throat, fingers tangling in the amulet he gave all those years ago. Will the hellhounds tear it from his shredded body, Dean wonders, and licks his lips wet and smiles wider. Makes Sam watch his mouth and not whatever might be in his eyes. “Want me to prove it?”

“Knock yourself out,” Sam says, wide open for whatever Dean wants to do, and Dean grips him by the front of that ugly bacon-stripe shirt and pulls him down for a kiss—wet, biting. The hundred dollar treatment, if Dean says so himself. Sam gets those huge hands on either side of Dean’s head and curls forward, knocking Dean’s mouth open and taking what’s on offer to distract them both from the night, and Dean’s heart sounds like the thunder rattling the motel walls. Eight months to go.

[runningincircl3s]

Nothing Ever After

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Vinny Mauro

Chapter 9

chapter warnings: none?

this is a little all over the place which i apologise for but i mentioned a couple posts ago that when i was writing this i didn't have any intention of posting it so i've been going through and adding things in to make it better essentially, and this is one of those chapters that i've had to just close my eyes and press post as rereading this for the first time felt like a fever dream... but as i've said i just want this story to just be fun :)

───── ��⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“That’s cool, I didn’t really expect anything in the first place. I like you too, quite a lot, but I’ve been in situations like this before and it’s taken a lot to come back from it, so I’m sorry but I don’t think I can. I’m sorry. Sweet dreams x”

You saw Vinny’s text when you woke up bright and early to your alarm at 6am, you felt your heart sink but you respected his decision. You sighed, getting out of bed with a yawn, going to brush your teeth and have a think about what to say in your reply to him.

However, as you were in the bathroom, you heard your phone vibrating on your bed. As you rush to rinse your toothbrush off, you pick your phone back up to see it was Bryan. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, how are you feeling?” He asked, “We invited you to dinner last night but we didn’t hear from you. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead or anything.”

“No, I’m still very much alive, I just wasn't feeling too well,” you chuckled, “What time do we have to be out of here this morning?”

“We’ve not got to be out for hours, but we're aiming to be out at 9 so we have some time to spare, so meet us by the bus just before?”

“Okay, great. I better go and take a shower and pack back up again.” You said, looking around your room at the mess you and Angela had made whilst searching for an outfit for your ‘date’ with Vinny. 

Which reminded you, you still needed to text him back. 

“I’ll let you go and sort everything out, I’ll text you just before we leave our rooms, we'll meet you by the front desk.”

“Okay sure, thank you, bye!”

“Bye!” 

As soon as you hung up, you went straight to Vin’s message and started typing your reply.

“That’s okay, I respect that and I’m sorry, I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship. See you later :)”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You had been sat on the bus for almost two hours, and you still had an hour to go before you got to the next venue. You were staring out of the window sitting next to Folio, who was shopping for some new fishing gear on his laptop, whilst the other guys were all playing something on Matt’s Xbox that they plugged into the tv. 

“Folio, can I ask you something kinda strange?” You asked, crossing your legs as you tilted your head. 

“Sure,” he smiled, looking up from his screen, “Ask away, what’s up?”

“Does weed ever make you horny?”

Nick didn’t know what to expect when you asked to ask him a 'kinda strange' question, but it certainly wasn’t that. He furrowed his eyebrows, his mouth hanging open, you had left him speechless. 

“Uh… Why are you asking?” He seemed perplexed, as far as he knew you had never smoked before. 

“Oh, I just saw this tweet, that's all. I didn’t know if it was serious or not.”

“Oh,” he laughed, “Well I guess I could see how that could work… But personally I’ve never uh, never had that happen to me before.”

“I guess you only smoke with guys,” you chuckled, “Not that it’s bad to be horny around the guys!”

“Woah!” Noah gasped, freezing on his way to the bathroom as he caught what you were saying, “What are we talking about? All I heard was being horny around the guys?!” 

You laughed, shaking your head as you looked up at him. 

“I was just asking Folio something. Are we almost there yet?”

“Okay I do not want to know what you asked him! But yeah, I thought traffic would be pretty bad today but it’s not really. We should be there pretty soon.” He says, excusing himself to go and pee.

"I was thinking about starting a youtube," Nicholas announces, "I think what Ricky does is pretty cool-"

"Hell no!" Matt laughs, "I am not having a camera shoved in my face all day."

"I just thought it would be a cool way to connect with the fans," Ruffilo adds, "I just don't know what kind of equipment I'd need or where to even start."

"I could help..." You suggest, and you notice all the guys- except Nicholas- glaring at you, their eyes almost twitching, "Maybe we could try and vlog today to see how it goes?"

"That would be awesome," he smiles, "Thanks y/n."

"No problem." You grin, watching the horror on all the guys faces, trying not to chuckle to yourself.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Whilst the equipment was being taken into the venue, the guys from both bands were all stood together in three groups: Ryan, Ricky, Vinny, Folio and Jolly; Justin, Nicholas, Noah, Bryan and you, whilst Chris was on a call in the bus, and Matt was helping move things. 

As the group you were with were discussing a movie that all wanted to see when it comes out in theatres, you can’t help but listen into the others’ conversation. 

“So, Vin, what did you get up to last night?” Ryan asked with a smirk, blowing out a cloud of smoke from his vape. 

“I went out for dinner with an old friend, I don’t think I’ve seen him in about six years so it was great to catch up.” 

“Oh, ‘him’?” Ryan grinned, as the other guys looked in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” Vinny asked, shaking his head.

“Well, last night I asked for the keys to the bus so I could see if I left my vape in there because my other one died, and I was told you had the keys. I came to yours and Rick’s room and he said you were out with a friend, so I went to the bus anyway and all I could hear was ‘oh Vinny! Right there Vinny! Oh Vinny I’m gonna cum!’” He laughed as he mocked your voice, “So who was this ‘friend’?” 

“You don’t know her.” Vinny said, bluntly, looking down at his feet.

“Was it Amy again?” Ricky asked, “I know she’s a stoner and Chris said the driver complained that the bus stank of weed this morning.”

“No, it wasn’t. She’s in California anyway.” Vinny sighs, “look, you don’t know her okay, and it was a mistake. She’d never smoked before and we got high and one thing led to another…”

As he said that, you watched as something clicked in Folio’s brain as he came to a realisation and his head snapped up before looking over at you, catching your eye. You quickly looked away, taking a breath before approaching Nicholas.

"So Nick, I have my spare camera with me if you'd like to borrow that for your vlogs?"

"Really?" He smiled, putting out his cigarette, "That would be great, thank you!"

And so you spent the next hour teaching him how to use your camera for videoing, and he was a pretty quick learner. You stood with him during soundcheck as he spoke into the camera, the other guys trying to stay away from him as much as they could, but Folio couldn't get away too quickly.

"So, tell me about the tour." Nicholas smiled behind the camera, recording Folio as he sat as his drums. You sat by them, working on your laptop, editing pictures and thinking of different shots you wanted to get tonight.

"Uh, it's gonna be awesome! We're playing at some places we've never been before, we're joined by the greatest people we could ever tour with-"

"Noah!" Ruffilo quickly interrupts Nick as he turns the camera to Noah, who crossed his arms and let out a long sigh, "Do you have a tour update for us?"

"Well, I can tell you tonight's shows gonna be sick, Matt's insanely good at his job," he clapped his hands together as he thought, "I don't know what else to say..."

"You guys really suck, y'know that." Nicholas said as he put the camera down. "We used to be youtubers, man, what happened?"

"I wouldn't say that." Noah laughed.

"Why don't you just talk to the camera," a familiar voice suggested from behind you, causing you to tense up, you hadn't spoken to him at all today, and the thought alone made you feel nervous, "That's what Rick does most of the time. I think it's quite wholesome..."

Vinny was checking out what Folio was doing as he set up his drums, testing them with his drum tech to make sure they sounded alright and everything was as it should be. Yet he didn't acknowledge you at all, which made you feel even worse about the situation.

Instead of listening to him talk to Folio, unable to look away from his arms as he reached out to help Nick make sure his snare was in place or something, you decided to be a good friend.

"I'll give you an update, I feel like I need to introduce myself to you guys' fans anyway."

"That's such a good idea," Nicholas' eyes widened, it was almost as if you could see a lightbulb above his head in that moment. You watched as he switched the camera back on, "So on this tour, you might see a new face running around the stage, this is y/n!" He turned the camera to you and you smiled, "Why don't you tell them a bit about yourself."

You tried to push through the awkwardness of speaking to a camera, and nodded your head, this was your idea after all.

"So, I'm y/n, I'm a friend of Bryan's and I'm a photographer. It's been my dream for years now to be a touring photographer for bands, so I'm so happy to be here and to be working with my best friend! However, I'm actually Motionless in White's photographer for the first few shows, but after that I'll be up there getting some cool pictures of Bad Omens." You grinned, not knowing what else to say.

"Hey, Vinny!" Nicholas pointed the camera back to the drums, zooming in on Vin, "How was she?"

"What?" Vinny's eyes filled with horror, furrowing his eyebrows as he shook his head in confusion, and Folio clocked this too, a smirk forming on his lips.

"Y/n, on the first show of the tour, how was she?"

"Oh, um... Good, I guess. I dunno, I wasn't really paying any attention."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

As the guys went over things one last time in soundcheck, you sat outside with Angela as she took a puff of her vape. She had only got here about twenty minutes ago, and you had been stuck to her side. Vinny hadn’t spoken to you all day, and all that kept playing in your head was the moment he told the guys by the bus that ‘it was a mistake.’ You desperately wanted to know if he meant that, or if he was just saying it to get the guys off his back. 

“What’s up?” Angela asked suddenly, “You’ve been pretty quiet... bad date last night?”

“That’s one way of describing it.”

“What happened?” She asked, eager to know. 

“The restaurant was shut so we got a pizza and watched a movie on the bus. I got high for the first time and then… We did something we shouldn’t have.” 

“You fucked?!” She almost shouted. 

“Shhh! Yes, but Ryan heard us from outside. He doesn’t know it was me, and I don’t think Vin would tell him. But I told Vinny when I was back in my room that I don’t want to commit to anything right now as I still don’t know how I’m feeling and I think it upset him.”

“Why? What makes you think that?” She frowned. 

“He's been off with me all day, he hasn't spoken to me at all and when Ruff asked him a question about me he gave him the bleakest answer he could, and then last night- Wait I’ll show you the texts.” You said, reaching in your pocket for your phone. 

“Dang,” she whispered as she read what Vin said, “Y'know, he has been hurt in the past, he’s just protecting himself, honey.” She says, wrapping an arm around you, hugging you from the side and your knees touch as you both sat on the cold stone step outside. 

“I know,” you sigh, “I just feel so shitty for upsetting him like that. And he hasn’t spoken to me all day, I'm just worried I've fucked everything up, all because I wanted to be honest with him!” You groan, resting your head on her shoulder as you try to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill.

“Hey, don’t get upset, I know Vin and I know he'll get over it! Look, we still have half an hour or so before I start working on their faces,” she smiled, “Why don’t we go and get donuts? If we’re feeling kind we can bring some back for the guys- heavy on the if.” 

“That sounds great.” You smiled, and Angela took your hand as you both stood up. 

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“Guess what we’ve got!” Angela grinned as she set the box down on the table backstage.

“Where’s Chris? I made sure we got some vegan ones for you too, they look even better than ours!” You smiled, handing him the paper bag. 

“Thank you so much! They look delicious!” Chris gasped as he took the bag from you, watching as the rest of the guys fought over which ones they wanted. 

“Hey, y/n, can I talk to you quickly?” Folio asked, nodding his head towards the door as if to say in private. 

You followed him out and asked him what he wanted.

“I just don’t think it’s a coincidence.” He says.

“What?” 

“Don’t do this to me, y/n. I know exactly what you’re doing.”

“What?!”

“Last night you weren’t picking up your phone, Noah was knocking at your room but you weren’t answering. Then this morning you ask if weed makes you horny? Then, it turns out Vinny also went missing, he was caught having sex in the bus and- to only confirm my suspicions- the girl he was with had never smoked before. Not to mention his face when Ruff asked him that question earlier.”

“Look, he could’ve been making that up!” 

“You can’t fool me, y/n.” He smiled, shaking his head, “First I catch you and Noah, then Ryan catches you with Vin-”

“It wasn’t me!” 

“Bullshit! Bryan did everything he could to convince the guys for you to join us and so far all you’ve done is take a couple crap pictures and fuck 2 of the guys!” He exclaimed.

“What? I never fucked Noah!” You scoffed.

“So you did fuck Vin?”

“No!” You sigh, your back hitting the wall as you slide down to a crouching position. “Nick, what is this all about? I thought we were friends, why are you doing this to me?”

“I care about my band and our reputation. I care about my friends.”

“And now you don’t care about me? I thought we were friends? Now you hate me all of a sudden? This doesn't make sense?”

Folio paused, shaking his head. 

“Hey, look, I don’t hate you, y/n. I’m sorry if I worded that wrong. I’ve just had the worst fucking year of my life, ever since my girlfriend left, and seeing you mess around with these guys hurts because I don’t want them to feel a fraction of the way I have.”

“Oh, Nick,” you frowned, “Look, it’s not my intention to fuck around, I mean it. It’s just… Can I be really honest with you? And I mean pinky promise kind of honest, you won't tell the guys?”

“Always.” He said, holding his pinky finger out to you.

“I really like Noah, I think I always have, but sometimes he gives me the impression he doesn’t feel the same way. But then that night at the club when I met Vinny I feel like we instantly clicked. I feel like I’ve known him my whole life and I’ve never felt this way about anybody before. He got upset when he found out what me and Noah got up to that night, and I told him that there's nothing between me and Noah, y'know, I told him we aren't exclusive or anything. So he asked me on a date, it kinda didn’t go to plan and yes, I fucked Vinny on the bus last night, and then I also fucked everything up between us by telling him I just want to have fun whilst we're on tour and not have to be tied down to one guy, I don't care how that makes me sound! I like Noah and Vinny, Vinny knows I like Noah, but Noah has no idea about Vin and-” 

“You’re in quite a predicament,” Nick sighs, pressing his lips together, “Have you talked to Noah about that night, the two of you on the bus?”

“No, we sort of just pretended like it never happened.”

“I think you need to talk to him, y/n.”

“Talk to who? What’s going on?” Noah asked, standing by the door, “I wondered where you guys got to.” 

“Can I talk to you, Noah?" You ask as Folio gives you a smile and slips past you back into the room. 

“Of course, what’s up?” He asks, shutting the door behind Nick as he followed you over to the end of the hallway, making sure nobody else heard what you were about to talk about. 

“I… What are we, Noah?" You blurted it out, afraid to even look up at him, "I can’t keep pretending like there’s nothing going on between us.” 

“Whatever you want us to be.” Noah says, noticing how upset you had gotten. He puts a hand out to you and pulls you up. “Is this all that’s bothering you?”

You nod your head, wiping the tears away from your eyes. 

“I really like you Noah, but whilst we're on tour to commit to anything. How would it look if Bad Omens suddenly have this new photographer then it comes out that she's with the lead singer, everyone will hate me, especially your fans, other bands won't take me seriously, I might not get booked if they think you're the reason I got a way in, they'll think I'm just doing it to get to you, do you see where I'm coming from?” As you finish rambling, Noah nods his head.

“I do, and it's a shame you have to think like that, but if it's something that's going to put our careers at risk then we have to put that first for now," he says, brushing your hair away from your face, tucking it behind your ear, “We can just keep things casual, helping each other out when we need it.” He smirked, and you couldn’t help but smile. He was so pretty up close, you were more than jealous. 

“I’d like that.” You smiled, looking up at him. 

There was a comfortable silence between the two of you as Noah’s hand raised to your chin, his finger pulling your face up for him to capture your lips with his own as he leaned down, his other hand on your waist, pulling you closer to him as you hesitantly arms wrapped around his neck.

As you kissed you thought about how his lips felt on yours, and how the warm feeling was growing in your stomach, similar to how you felt with Vinny last night. However with Vinny, that warm feeling was replaced by electricity, adrenaline, it made you want to come back for more. It was addictive, whereas Noah felt safe, homely even. However, the moment was quickly over as you opened your eyes, suddenly spotting Vinny stood by the door, his face paled as he quickly turned back around, before you could even push away from Noah. 

“Sorry,” Noah apologised as you shoved him off of you, “Shit!”

“Hey, no, it’s okay! I was into it, wanted it! It’s just I really need to pee! Pre-show nerves!” You laughed nervously, running off to the bathroom. 

You locked yourself in a stall and finally allowed yourself to breathe before quickly sent a text to Angela asking if she could come and talk, but she didn’t see it, you assumed she was doing the guys’ makeup. You checked the time on your phone, knowing that Motionless were set to go on at 6, so if you waited a little while you could hopefully avoid Vinny and the terrible guilt you’d feel in his presence and then rush out on to the stage with your camera.

When your phone vibrated in your hand, you looked to see a text from Matt. 

“Is everything okay? Noah said you ran off to the bathroom all of a sudden.” 

“Need a tampon or something? I could go and get some?” 

You laughed at Matt’s text, but found it quite wholesome that he was willing to do that. 

“No, I'm okay!” You replied, followed by, 

“Have miw gone out yet?”

“Yeah they just went on, you better run out there!”

“Vinny was asking about you.”

———————————————

don’t worry team vinny we will be so back in a couple chapters!! <3

@rumoured-whispers @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @lma1986 @thisbicc @dominuslunae @miss570 @miamore0570 @jilliemiw86 @itsyaboinoah

[braineater444]

To Be a Princess

Chapter 2

Start/Next

fem!reader x kokonoi/bonten

TW: Disordered eating, sex trafficking, drugging, violence, cannibalism, gore, heavy drinking, terrible vibes, vomit, misogyny

Your silk pajamas are soaked in sticky, wet, congealed red. You’re in Hajime’s office again, but this time the man’s lifeless body is on the floor in front of you.

A strange feeling makes its way up your spine. You have everything to do with this. Now you have to repent.

“I’m sorry.” You say over the corpse. Your eyes fill with tears, but there’s no use crying. This is the bed that you made. You must lie in it.

Bloodied shaking hands lift his head to your mouth. He’s so much lighter than a dead man should be.

“You’re pitiful. Pathetic.” Your mother’s voice rings out from behind you, but when you turn, she’s nowhere to be found. “Do it. Clean your mess.”

Who are you to disrespect your mother? When have you ever had the nerve?

The flesh of the human cheek is easier to bite through than you’d imagined. Soft. Supple. Wet. Cold. This is the only way to make up for your crime. You must consume all of him.

You chew and chew and chew. It won’t go down. You try to swallow again and again. Your mother’s screams of horror ring out from behind you, and suddenly you’re able to swallow. You gag and heave, but you’re okay.

You go back in. Same cheek, but this time, your tongue slips between meat, teeth, and gums. Blood washes over your tongue before you rip through another piece of his flesh. Only this time, he screams.

His eyes are wide open, and his horrified screams mix with that of your mothers. You back away on the palms of your hands and the balls of your feet.

“I’m sorry!”

He still yells. Your mother tells you that you are not.

“I said I’m sorry!”

The agonized screams continue.

You repeat it over and over. You can feel your heart beating out of your chest.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please! I don’t understand what’s happening. I’m sorry!” You yell back. You’re breathless. This feels like running a marathon.

✮✮✮

Your body jerks awake, and you’re greeted by the sight of Hajime’s concerned face looming over you. He rests a soft hand on your cheek and your body stiffens.

“There’s no need to cry.” His thumbs glide under your tear-filled eyes. His words are muttered. “It’s just a bad dream.”

You nod. He plants a kiss on your cheek and pats your head. “Go back to sleep.”

It’s hard to do as he says. 

You turn your body away from him, trying to settle in under the covers, but it’s too hot. You throw the blanket off of yourself and curl into the fetal position. You can feel the metal on your ankle getting colder the longer it’s exposed to the frigid bedroom air. Now it’s too cold. You sit up.

Hajime taps away at the keyboard of his laptop. He stops for a moment, then starts again. You yank at the chain of handcuffs on your ankle. It clangs against the bed frame it’s binding you to. The typing stops.

“Don’t start this again.”

“I have to pee.”

Your words are met with a sigh and Hajime closes the laptop. You watch silently as he picks up the key off of his dresser, opens the curtains, and walks to your side of the bed. His black silk pajamas glimmer in the sunlight as he kneels in front of you.

You present your chained leg to him. His hands glide across the smooth skin of your leg. His fingertips are frigid, but you have nothing to say about it. Why would you? He doesn’t care about your discomfort despite how much he feigns concern. He kidnapped you. His lips graze the skin of your shin before he plants a gentle kiss.

“I love you.” He smiles up at you.

A bitterness fills you as you say it back. The last time you refused to speak, he didn’t let you go. That was yesterday and since having to sit in soiled bed sheets for a whole day while he was out, you’ve learned better.

✮✮✮

Hajime doesn’t give you alone time anymore. Your morning piss is an affair for both of you. So is the bath.

It used to be fun when you bathed together, but in the three days since he’s taken away your autonomy, it’s morphed into a new hurdle to jump every morning and night. Today’s appeal is more of the same.

He sticks his hand under the faucet to check the water’s temperature and turns the knob to make it hotter. 

“What was that nightmare about?” He asks as you watch him through the bathroom mirror.

There’s a beat of silence before you remember what he’s talking about.

“You.”

He chuckles. “What do you mean?”

“This bathing together thing. I had a nightmare about it.”

The water stops. You turn to see a tub full of bubbles.

“Why lie? Just say you don’t want to tell me.”

“I just want to bathe it alone.”

“No.” He comes toward you and unbuttons your pajama top. “Maybe one day, but not today.”

“Hajime..” He slides your shirt off of your shoulders and you watch as it hits the ground. “Why?”

“Why what?” He works down your pants and underwear.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone?”

“Why would I? I told you; I love you.”

Hand in hand, he guides you to the tub. Your feet cut through a thick layer of bubbles before hitting nice warm water.

This isn't love, and since you've been taken hostage, you're not sure it ever was, but this is the first time he's behaved in this manner. 

He cleans you thoroughly but gently. Expert fingers scrub at your scalp, then wash your face, and everywhere else. When his hands touch your private areas, you are quick to startle only for him to smile and say nothing. Really, he hasn’t done anything more invasive than washing you in the days you’ve been here. You’d like to say you know he wouldn’t do something worse, but you can never know for sure anymore.

“Face mask?” He asks at the end, wrapping you in a towel. You shake your head. “Are you hungry?” You shake your head. “I think you should eat something today.”

“I don’t want to.” You shiver in your towel.

“You should. We have somewhere to be tonight.”

“We?”

“It’s a club, so I thought you should come. You can meet my friends and have a good time.”

✮✮✮

You lay silent on the bed, chained up and waiting for Hajime to get back. He’s been gone since the afternoon and now the sun is going down. Hopefully, he’s dead. Hopefully, his line of work has caught up to him and someone killed him. And if he’s dead, someone can find you trapped here and free you, or maybe they won’t. Maybe you don’t deserve it. After all, you didn’t tell anyone what he did. You’re complicit. Why should you be saved?

“I’m sorry.” This is the first thing he says when he walks through the bedroom door. “It’s eight-thirty-six. I should’ve had you ready an hour ago.”

Hajime stops in his tracks as he looks at the bedside table. All the food he left remains untouched. The strawberries he’s cut, the sandwiches he’s made, the protein bar, the plain white rice… all untouched.

“Why are you not eating?”

It’s your hunger strike. You’ll thin out until you die if he doesn’t let you go. “Because I don’t want to be here.”

A look of frustration passes over his features for a brief, easily missed second. He smiles and leans down to you. “If you don’t eat, you’re not going. This could be your last chance ever to get out of here. Do you want to miss it?”

You return his gaze with your own hardened stare. He lets you hold the silence for a moment, with an unflinching, deceptively kind smile. “One bite of everything and I will dress you and we can go.”

He’s right. This could be your last chance to escape. This time, when you do, you’ll go to the police and turn yourself in. Will he come get you from them? Probably not.

He watches with a grin as you begrudgingly take one bite of everything. When you’re done, he dresses you.

✮✮✮

You wouldn’t admit it out loud, but you do feel beautiful. The black mink fur coat flows down to your ankles and creates warmth in what is an otherwise skimpy outfit. The black sequined skirt and leopard print bustier offer little comfort but an undeniable amount of glamour. Your diamond studs match your diamond choker and the messy updo Hajime tried his best to make perfect doesn’t suffocate them. 

Stepping outside like this isn’t like you. Especially because the heels he’s given you aren’t broken in. You’ve never worn these and they hurt. Surely, you’re ditching them when you make a break for it.

As you follow him into the club, the smell of sweat and mixed perfume replaces the crisp outside air on your face. As Hajime guides you through the crowd, a hand on the small of your back, dancing bodies part like the Red Sea. People smile and greet him with curious looks. Certainly, they wonder who you are. He explains nothing, just greets people back politely. How often does he come here?

Right past the private sections, there’s a door and behind that door is a well-decorated room. In that room, there are unfamiliar faces and Takeomi. Your abductor takes his time introducing them to you.

Mikey, you’ve seen his face on the news. This is Hajime’s boss. This is the guy that wakes him up at the ass crack of dawn to do paperwork. This frail, white-haired freak is who’s in charge. He hardly acknowledges you outside of a glance before bringing a beer bottle to his lips.

Haruchiyo has pink hair and pink eyelashes. More importantly, he’s got huge diamond-shaped scars on his lips and a tattoo on his arm that matches the one on Hajime’s scalp. He smiles, not in a polite way, but one that triggers your fight or flight.

Takeomi, you’ve met before. He nods to you. You wonder if he has a gun you can use right now. Do they all have guns? What are your chances of survival?

Rindou and Ran are brothers, with matching purple and lavender hair and with the same hanafuda tattoo sitting front and center on their necks. The same tattoo that Sanzu and Hajime have. Ultimately, you feel stupid as you realize that it’s their symbol for their little gang and it’s been sitting in plain sight your entire relationship. A wave of internal embarrassment rolls over you. Idiot.

Kanji is clean-cut with slicked-back, greying hair. He pays you no mind as he lights a cigarette and leans back into his corner seat. 

Finally, Kakucho has thick black hair that doesn’t quite cover the scar that wraps around his head and through his left eye. Can he see? Not that he deserves to. Not doing work like this.

After he’s done introducing you, someone, the pink-haired one, speaks up. “You’re not gay?” Lips parted and brows pinching together in confusion. There are snickers around the room, and the longer-haired brother hides his laugh by leaning on his brother’s shoulder. “Not in a rude way. I’m just asking because I thought you were bring- “

“Haruchiyo.” Takeomi pipes up sternly. It’s a bit ironic, you think.

Hajime doesn’t give a response. Instead, he says, “You know what I’m here to do, so please get out.” 

Everyone moves quickly to get out. You even hear someone huff out a “finally.” But before you can make sense of what’s going on, Hajime asserts that one of them has to watch you, and then he tells you to have fun.

A hand grabs yours and you’re being dragged to the bar before you can gain your bearings. The pink-haired one. Haruchiyo. He wants you to drink with him?

“What’s your name again?” He smiles.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“You’re right. I’m just gonna call you ‘Girl’, m’kay?”

You look around with half a mind to argue, but with the blaring music and flashing lights, who wants to? You shrug.

“Take shots with me.” His smile is so earnest.

“I can’t.” 

“Somewhere to be?” He gestures with his chin toward the exit behind you. A beat of silence falls between you as his smile threatens to pull apart his scars and then his face.

“Can I tell you something?” He doesn’t wait for you to respond before he’s leaning in close enough for you to hear his lowered voice over all the commotion. “You’re not getting out of here. There’s nowhere you can run where we won’t find you, and none of us are just going to let you go that easily.”

He pulls back to see the horror on your face. That smile brightens.

Half of you wants to ask why. This has nothing to do with them. The other half wants to see if he’s telling the truth. Still, you remain, frozen on your barstool, making a face with your expensive fur coat on.

“Drink with me. You’ll have more fun.”

You do as he says.

The shots come in one after another. Not once do you see him pay? You only watch hazily as he leans over the counter, beams at the bartender, and asks for another round for the both of you.

“You might think that we hate women…” He laughs to himself as he hands you another shot. “But I hired her.” He points at the bartender. “And in many ways, I’m like a woman, too.” But he never elaborates. Just rubs your shoulder as you throw your drink back.

✮✮✮

You don’t know how many shots you take, but it’s enough to have you barefoot on the dancefloor with him. For a while, it’s like you’re there alone. The world looks so beautiful inside the club and the sweat is starting to smell sweet. You’re just moving and embracing the faux freedom you have right now.

You back your glistening body into Haruchiyo’s front. His arms wrap around your waist and you roll your head onto his shoulder. You sway. 

“This is so much better than being stuck in that room,” you hum.

“He locks you in the bedroom?” He asks. You can feel his voice come from his chest as he chuckles. You nod with a dumb smile.

“Haruchiyo…” You are dizzy as the lights change. He hums. “I feel sick.”

He laughs. Fully laughs. And you do too.

“I’m gonna throw up.”

Before you know it, he’s gently guiding you through the crowd and you’re barely there for it. It all feels like floating until your bare feet are met with cold concrete and harsh rocks. 

You must be outside of the back of the building. You meet the brothers there, smoking. The taller one pipes up first. 

“Haru, you got anything?”

“Haru.” You repeat under your breath and giggle at yourself. He’s got a pretty name.

“Not on me. Wanna come to my car?”

You think they’re having a secret staring contest when Haru offers to go to his car. The tall man is almost smiling, and Haru is.

“Ran…” he says sweetly.

Ran.

The taller one, Ran, takes one last drag from his cigarette before dropping it and smothering it with the toe of his boot. “Rindou, please watch her. He drugged her.” He smiles without breaking eyes with Haru. You look between them, only to see they’ve both got shit-eating grins plastered across their face.

“You drugged me?” You look at Haruchiyo. He pays you no mind. When?

He lets you go and as you fall, Rin catches you. He lets you rest your weight against his body.

“Where are her shoes?” Rindou pipes up.

“I’ll find them later.”

Then you’re stuck with Rindou. Whoever he is.

It’s a little humiliating leaning against a man you don’t know because you can hardly stand on your own two feet. Rindou doesn’t seem to mind, though. He stands back to the wall as he smokes his cigarette.

When you try to push yourself off of him, his free hand comes to your back to push you back down. He breaks the silence with a stern voice telling you to stay. 

You’re overheating, and you’ve got to go. 

The next time, he doesn’t push you back down. He lets you stand on shaky legs and watches as you shrug your coat off and onto the ground.

“Where are you going?” He asks. His cigarette is gone. 

“Fu-ucking leaving.” You hiccup. Your stomach growls.

“To where?” There’s amusement in his voice.

“Shut up.”

Even through blurred vision, you can see him frown. He’s messing with you.

You hobble your way back through the door you came out of. The lights on the inside are so… bright. Brighter than before. Sickening. They’re doing this on purpose. 

You’re pushed around as you try to make your way through the crowd. Your stomach is rolling around inside you. 

“Move.” You say to random people. They don’t hear you. They don’t care.

It’s so fucking hot inside this place. You just want out.

When you make it outside, you pause for a moment to feel the cool air. Spit fills your mouth and dribbles down your chin. Your arm comes up to wipe it away.

You don’t know which way to walk. A phone would be nice, but it’s okay. You can make it work. You can find someone with a phone later. The streets are devoid of people right now, save for a few cars driving by.

You choose a direction and walk. Stumble.

“You’re not gonna make it far on whatever he gave you.” His voice is loud and clear. It’s almost like he caused you to fall.

Your knees scrape the concrete, enough to hurt without drawing blood. You stay there, hunched over on the ground as you hear him approaching.

Rindou crouches in front of you. He smells wonderful even after a cigarette. Warm vanilla and a field of flowers. He carries your abandoned coat with him.

“You’re so cute. Like the girls I had crushes on when I was a boy. But they weren’t real.” He lifts your chin in his hand while saying it. “You are. You’re beautiful and determined and so real. It’s really hot. Especially ‘cause what you’re doing is useless.”

“Leave me alone.” Your lips quiver.

“I can’t.” That frown from earlier…it’s just his face. “I’m not going to be the one getting blamed for leaving you passed out on the sidewalk and vulnerable to all types of things.” He strokes your cheek and kisses your sweat-covered forehead.

“Are you gonna-” Tears skitter down your cheeks. “Please don’t tell him. I don’t- I can’t-” His eyes light up and there’s almost a smile showing. “I can’t be locked in that room anymore. Please. Please. Please don’t tell him.”

“I won’t tell, I promise.”

✮✮✮

Rindou waits outside the door as you vomit in the bathroom. No one is in here with you and it’s the cleanest club bathroom you’ve ever seen. Or maybe you’re just that out of it.

The sound of what is mostly bile and alcohol hitting the toilet water is sickening. It even splashes on the seat, narrowly avoiding your face. The smell is vile.

When you’re done, your stomach growls as you make your way to the sink. You’re so hungry it hurts, but if you eat, he’ll have won. 

Your stud earrings have become entangled in loose strands of your hair. You take them out and admire how they glimmer under the dim bathroom light in your hand.

Are diamonds edible? You wonder. If you eat them, you’re getting back at him in a way, right? Dissolving his money in stomach acid.

You break the pointed back off of one. It’ll be harder to swallow with it on. Then you do the same with the other. They’re no longer accessories, just useless five-millimeter studs.

Hajime would say you look a mess without them. He says that even women as beautiful as you need accessories. Surely, all this jewelry he puts on you is just his form of branding.

You pop the diamonds into your mouth. Your first thought is to chew; mash them up and make them digestible. It hurts your teeth to try to bite through. It startles you how painful the attempt to crack them was. It startles you enough that you accidentally swallow them whole. 

You make a face to yourself in the mirror. Eyes blown, mascara smeared, lipstick smudged. Your heart is racing. It kind of felt… good? What the fuck?

✮✮✮

You rinse your mouth with vodka. A bottle Rindou took from behind the bar. Not that you want to drink anything else they give you. 

You’re back behind the club and Rindou doesn’t seem set on getting you even more drunk or high. You’re feeling invincible after swallowing those earrings.

What else could you do to get back at Hajime?

“Do you want to have sex right now?” You pass the bottle back to Rindou.

“No.” He says without thought or hesitation. “Not really. I’m not like that.”

“Like what?”

“A home wrecker.”

“Shut up.” Hajime is not your boyfriend. You guys are not together. 

“Sorry.” He takes a big swig. “I’m also not into whatever revenge plot you’re trying to hatch.” He smiles politely. He really looks like his brother. Sad eyed and well dressed.

“It’s not revenge. You said I’m cute.” You move closer to him and your hand creeps to his forearm. 

He turns his head up and sighs. “He’s made a pleasant life for you. Why can’t you just accept it?”

“Fuck off.” 

When he looks back at you, his lips part, he thinks and closes them. Then they come open again.

“I’ll tell you something, okay?” Rindou huffs. “A while ago, there was this girl… maybe a little younger than you. A hooker who worked out of one of our brothels. She looked okay.”

He pauses in thought. Your hand slides off of his forearm.

“She ran away once, with a lot of money. When Mochi brought her back, she was so full of vengeance.” He chuckles. “Koko was pissed. Kicked that girl’s teeth in. Locked her in a closet, and only fed her rice and chicken once a day. It was bad. He told Sanzu to pull her nails out. Tortured her for like two months.”

His brows furrow, and he gets quiet for a second. “Yeah, he would tell us to do terrible things to her. I don’t even know if she’s still alive. I haven’t been back since.” He scratches his head. “But, what I’m saying is, Koko’s a cruel guy and you’re lucky he likes you.”

It’s shameful to think you didn’t know. To think some women have suffered at the hands of the man who makes you comfortable. For the longest time, you were oblivious. You’re an idiot.

“You’re lying.” You say, because he must be. This couldn’t have happened under your nose.

“Look at the situation you’re in. Is it impossible?” His brows rise in question.

You’re doomed, aren’t you? “I’m just going to kill myself. You should kill yourself, too.” You take the bottle from him. It feels like fire going down your throat.

His gaze has changed when you finally look at him again. There's a sense of mischief you only catch on to when he kisses you. This time, on your mouth.

You’re not sure you want this, but you lean into it for the sake of rebellion. It’s so strange kissing someone who isn’t Hajime. Matter of fact, it's strange locking lips with someone you've just met. Rindou's lips are so soft and warm. His tongue glides languidly against yours. His hands travel from your cheek to your chin to tilt your head up, so he can savor you deeper. You both taste of alcohol.

When he pulls away, he waivers a little at the sound of a soft accidental moan leaving your lips. He grins. Suddenly, you want him back.

“Now you’ve rebelled, and you’re still stuck here. I don’t think you have the balls to kill yourself, though.” He reaches into his pocket for a cigarette. “But if you want to, you can.”

[variabels]

Blue Lock morning and victory routines

So, some of you may have heard about the Blue Lock exhibition happening rn. They gave out a pamphlet with some characters' morning and victory routines. Lots of insight about the characters (Kaiser fans are really gonna enjoy this one). Be prepared to have your headcanons confirmed or crushed lmao.

Translation by Nendoromai Source

Q1. What’s your usual morning routine?

Isagi: Stretching→Greet my parents→Breakfast→Perform a simulation of the day ahead→Eat a sweet treat→Go to school

Bachira: Stretching→Soccer ball juggling→Breakfast→Soccer ball juggling→Brush my teeth→Soccer ball juggling→Pee→Soccer ball juggling

Chigiri: Shower→Dry my hair→Breakfast→Brush my hair→Brush my teeth→Style my hair→Get sis to check my hair→Fix my hair→Get going

Nagi: Go back to sleep→Get my mobile game log-in bonuses→Greet my pet cactus (Choki)→Jelly drink for breakfast→Sluggishly get dressed→I’m all set→Go back to sleep

Reo: My personal attendant (Baaya) wakes me up→Breakfast (eggs Benedict with an enzyme smoothie)→Morning sauna→Check the day’s financial news→Go to school in my limousine (morning glass of non-alcoholic champagne)

Rin: Open the window to let in some fresh air→Take deep breaths→Stretching→Morning yoga→Meditate→Revisit those feelings of rage and sadness→Start the day

Sae: Open the window to let in some fresh air→Take deep breaths→Stretching→Morning yoga→Meditate→Drink salted kombucha→Start the day

Shidou: Go onto the balcony naked and soak up sunlight→Dance however I like→Yell whatever words come to mind at the sky (stuff like “Capillaries and flesh rupture!!”)

Kaiser: Stand naked before the mirror→Gaze at myself, have a conversation with myself (inside my heart)→Get into the mindset that nothing is impossible→Smile at this me

Kurona: Space out (not, so not a morning person)→Carefully brush my teeth (mine are crooked, crooked)→Style my hair (braiding’s fun, fun)→Go to school (oh sh*t time to dash, dash)

Q2. What do you do for luck before a showdown?

Isagi: Shape the hair on the crown of my head into a nice V.

Bachira: If Zico shows up in my dreams that day, I’m pretty much gonna win!

Chigiri: Step onto the field with my right foot leading.

Nagi: No~thing much. Ne~ver tried. It’s a pa~in.

Reo: Get a new tie for my hair. (so that I’ll be looking forward instead of into the past)

Rin: Think about beating nii-chan. I can’t lose to all of the other small fry.

Sae: Think about stuff like what I want to eat if I win, putting soccer completely out of mind for a while.

Shidou: Take a sh*t.

Kaiser: Stroke my blue rose tattoo, as though tightening a noose around my neck.

Kurona: Make my bed, so that I’ll be at ease no matter if I win or lose. All’s good, all’s good.

[nocomforthere]

Anyone else get insanely stressed out over nothing when they play video games? Like. The Zurgs in Stray had me stressed. That dang Jaguar in Shadow of the Tomb Raider had 14 year old me putting off playing the rest of the game for weeks because it stressed me out so much and I literally had to watch a playthrough and count how many arrows it took to kill the damn thing (it was 13 btw).

I won’t flinch during a horror movie and I’ll be all giddy with excitement when I go to a haunted house. But hand me a controller or set me in front of a horror game gameplay and I’ll be paranoid and clutching my pearls the entire time. No plot armor, no rules protecting me? I’m like Daukey with my reactions except when I pause a game, sometimes my pee break just so happens to be an hour long. And sometimes my pee break just so happens to turn into fun things like Going To Bed For The Night, or Hitting The Hay.

[thatgoblin]

~::~ Summary: After a drunken night with a man name John, Reader finds herself in a position they had never thought they would be in. ~::~ Fem!Reader, 1st POV.

[WARNINGS: Brief pelvic exam, swearing, grief, sibling death, family issues, vague speak of abortion, cursing, unplanned pregnancy, vague-ish descriptions of drunk sex]

::AN-This is just part one of the series, I'll go through the whole pregnancy and maybe after. Enjoy!::

Tequila was always responsible for my mistakes. I should have kept my promise of never having more than one shot, but that quickly went out the window when I bumped into him. He was tall and handsome and smelled of scotch and tobacco. I was pretty sure I complimented his mutton chops and that’s how it started. A few beers and more than a couple of shots later, I was pressed against his door as we kissed like drunk college students during Rush Week. Eventually we made it into his house with giggles and drunk stumbling, at least getting to his bed before the main event. 

I was going to have beard burn by the end, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that I was half undressed as the man ate me out like he’d been starving for it. While I don’t remember every single detail, the broad strokes of the night were there, I knew I had had a good time at least. It probably wasn’t the olympic level of sex I thought it was at the time, it was still pretty good. The next morning, he made me coffee, told me his name was John and if I ever wanted to have another fun night again to give him a call.

“So, why haven’t you called him?” My friend Jesse asked as we sat at a table in a cafe, once I'd finished telling him about John. I had called him and asked for some adult talk because holy shit did I need it. 

“Because I honestly forgot, but now I really do need to call him buuuut I lost his number,” I said. 

“Oh no, did you get the clap?” He asked, shirking away.

“Worse,” I groaned, leaning back in my seat. 

“Ew, herpes?” He asked, scrunching his face up.

“Even worse,” I said, putting a hand to my belly. “A lot more noticeable than herpes in the next few months.” 

“Oh. . . Oh shit,” he said, raising his brows. “I mean, are you sure it’s his?”

“I’ve only slept with one person in the last four months thanks to my ex, so yeah, I’m sure it’s John’s,” I grumbled. I knew that would be everyone's question, probably even John's, but it still didn't feel great to hear.

“Sorry, just checking,” he said, holding up his hands. “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. It’s. . . It’s still early and it’s not like he HAS to know as I’m not sure I want to keep it,” I said, poking my sponge cake with a fork. “I don’t even want kids. I never planned on it, not even with Paul and he was my longest relationship.”

“Oh Paul,” Jesse said wistfully. “It’s all his fault that this happened. If he hadn’t cheated on you so many times, then you wouldn’t have been looking for a rebound.”

“Well the tequila didn’t help either,” I snorted. “Doesn’t make a difference. I’ve still got to make a decision and it’s getting close to the deadline for the permanent one.”

“Have you gone to a doctor yet?” Jesse asked.

“Yeah, right after I took the pee test at home. I wanted to make sure so I didn’t panic over nothing,” I said. “They said I’m about 7 weeks along. I didn’t want to do any tests other than the blood lab, and since I could give them the date of my last encounter, they were able to figure it out from there.”

“Man, that’s wild. Have you told anyone else? Your family?”

“Absolutely the fuck not,” I choked out as I sat up. “They will never know if I can help it. No matter the outcome, they are not in my life for a reason.”

“Because they’re fucking psychotic?”

“Because they’re fucking psychotic. Damn right,” I huffed. It had been so long since I’d had any contact with my family. My parents were still back in Inverness for all I knew and my older brother was somewhere with the military. Last I had heard was that he’d made it to Sergeant in SAS and that was because I had run into an old friend from school. It had felt so sad to find out through gossip essentially. Someone I had been so close to growing up was now a complete stranger.

“So, if you keep it, can I be the Daddy?” Jesse asked with a grin.

“Jesse, you can barely keep your rabbit alive, I’m not letting you parent my fake plants let alone anything that comes out of me,” I groaned, shifting to sit up.

“Hey, Sassafras is doing amazing and he’s even getting a brother soon. Don’t be bad mouthing my babies,” Jesse pouted. 

“Sorry, sorry,” I said, rubbing my face. “I shouldn’t be taking the stress out on you. That’s not fair and I’m sorry.”

“Those hormones are messing you up, BAD,” he said. 

“Yeah, they are. I don’t get sick at least, but the mood swings are giving even ME whiplash." I was silent for a moment, contemplating the possibility of telling John. The good, the bad, and the more than likely to happen heart break if I made an attempt to have something outside of our one night stand. 

Paul had done a number on me. We’d been together since secondary school on and off, but the last four years we had become so close and in tune with each other. We could tell when the other needed something without saying anything and were genuinely happy where we were. I had been at least. It turns out he’d been fucking some hen from his work the entire time and had gotten her pregnant. When that happened, a switch had flipped and I didn’t know the man anymore. He moved out when I had gone to work one day, leaving me in a lurch with rent and a place that I had so many happy memories with him in. 

"Maybe it’s better if I just don’t tell him,” I said softly, shaking my head. “I mean, we could be really bad together. All I know is that he’s in the military and is never around. If I wanna raise anything, I want my partner to be there with me and I already hate being alone. I’d probably lose my mind if it was just me and it on our own. Besides, he probably doesn’t want something like this. Otherwise he’d have it by now.” The man was good looking, funny, and with a military career, he could have married someone and had kids with them by now. 

“True, but what if you guys work really well together?” 

I went quiet, trying not to let a fantasy of me and John form. Paul proved that it doesn’t matter how long you were with someone or how close you got, they will still break your heart when you least expect it and act like it was nothing. 

“Don’t let him ruin your future, Boo,” Jesse said, reaching over to take my hand. “He’s taken enough from you. There’s no reason to let him have more.”

“I know,” I said softly, squeezing his hand. “I just wish I knew what to do. If someone could tell me for sure if me and John would work out or not, that would be amazing.”

“Well, I’m sorry that I left my crystal ball at home,” he said, letting go. “But maybe give it a try. At least you can say you gave it a go.”

“Yeah, but I have to find the guy first and I don’t remember his number or where he lives,” I said. 

“Well, how about putting that detective brain of yours to work? You watch all those crime dramas, why not use it in real life?” He asked.

“Because this is real life and not DCI Banks,” I said, giving him a pointed look.

“Just retrace your steps. Do you remember the bar you met him at? Maybe he’s a regular,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes. 

“True. That’s actually a really good idea,” I said, tapping my chin in thought. “I mostly remember what he looks like too. Well more than mostly, I could probably pick him out in a lineup. He was really good looking.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely going to help you find him. Just ask the bartender for the really good looking guy,” Jesse snickered.

“Shush. Well, it seems that the, uh, Shit, what do I call it?” I asked. 

“Are you asking me what to call the fetus inside you?” Jesse asked, raising his brows. 

“Yeah.”

“Just call it Bug. You know? Or even Bean. It’s like, what, the size of a grape?”

“Little smaller. I think the internet said it was the size of a blueberry.”

“That would be cute, but it also sounds like a safeword,” Jesse snickered.

“English people do really like beans,” I said. “Let’s go with Bean.”

“You’re English too!” Jesse cackled.

“No I’m not! I’m Scottish! There’s a difference!” I cried, throwing a napkin at his face that he easily caught. “Fucking American with your Mountain Man accent telling me I’m English. My Last name is MacTavish, that’s not fucking English.”

“I’m Appalachin, Darlin’. I’m not just any Mountain Man,” Jesse grinned. 

“I’ll be sending you back by punting you over the ocean if you don’t knock it the fuck off,” I hissed. 

“The mood swings are going to be killer with you,” Jesse snickered.

“Don’t,” I sighed. “Just don’t. But it seems I'm keeping the Bean after all."

“Good luck. I mean it. Being a single parent ain’t easy, but you’re not on your own with this. Even without John, okay?” He said, reaching over to squeeze my hand again. 

A few days after my lunch with Jesse, I was at the bar that I had originally found John at. It was packed for a Thursday night and the thick smell of alcohol was making me nauseous. Getting to the bar, I flagged down the bartender in hopes they would know him.

“What can I get ya, Love?” He asked, leaning in so he could hear me. 

“I’m actually looking for someone,” I said, climbing up to kneel in the seat so I could lean over the bar. “I don’t know if he’s a regular or not, but I figured I’d try.”

“Sure, what’s his name?”

“John. I don’t have a last name, but he’s tall and built, has dark sandy hair with a mutton chops beard. I think he’s in the military,” I said.

“Oh yeah! John Price! He and his men are regulars,” the bartender nodded. “Just saw him a few days ago actually. What do you want him for?”

“Well, I’ve got something for him that he left when I last saw him and I only got his first name and haven’t been able to find him,” I said. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could find him other than here, could you?”

“Sorry, I only know him from here. Maybe if you come back tomorrow he might be here. He usually shows up a bit earlier than this,” the man said with a shrug. I nodded and thanked him, giving him a few quid for the help. I decided that I could hang around and see if he still shows up that night while I dug around to see what I could find on social media. 

Getting a Shirly Temple, I grabbed a corner seat and spent about an hour trying to find him online, but the man was a ghost. Nothing. No Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, not even a LinkedIn. What was I supposed to do? Give my number to the bartender and hope he remembered to give it to John? That is if he would. He’d probably just toss it. There was no way I was leaving my number on a board in hopes he’d see it. That was how I would end up on a true crime Youtube channel. 

About to call it a night and escape the bar that was building a headache in the base of my skull, I shot a text to Jesse to let him know I tried the bar and at least got a last name. As I turned to put my phone in my purse, the chair opposite of me was pulled out. Looking up, I couldn’t believe my dumb luck.

“Heard you were looking for me,” John said with a chuckle. His deep, gravelly voice was just like I remembered it as he was grunting in my ear while he-

“Yes, I am,” I said with a nervous laugh. “I, uh, know that it’s been a while since we last saw one another and I planned to call you, but I lost your number.”

“You know you don’t have to make up a story if you want to have a pint with me,” he said, a soft smile peeked from under his whiskers. 

“Oh, no, I really lost your number,” I said, straightening up in my chair. “I also have the memory of a goldfish, so when I realized I had lost it, it was too late. But you’re here now.”

“That I am,” he said, nodding with a hum. Almost getting completely lost in his shining blue eyes, I quickly gave him my full name. 

It was very clear as to why I had started to flirt with him in the first place. The way he looked at me, making me feel like he knew exactly what he wanted and it was me. 

“It’s nice to get a full name, after almost two months,” he said. “It’s lovely to meet you, I’m John Price.” He held out his hand for me to shake and damn it, I was melting into his touch. His hand was warm and rough, but firm. “So, were you seeking me out for an introduction or maybe I could buy you a drink?”

“Uh, I was actually looking for you because. . . Well. . .” It felt like the words were getting stuck in my throat, trying to choke me to make me leave and pretend nothing happened. 

“You want another go where we’re a bit more sober and able to have more fun?” John offered with a wink as he leaned forward to sip his beer he’d brought over with him.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. He furrowed his brow, staring at me.

“Congratulations?” He asked slowly.

“That’s why I was looking for you,” I said with a heavy sigh. “I’m pregnant and about 7 weeks along. If you do the math. . .”

“I see,” he said, nodding. Sitting back in his chair, he fiddled with a coaster, staying quiet for a moment. I didn’t want to push it or scare him, so I was patient. “And you’re sure it’s mine?” 

I had prepared myself for that question, made sure it wouldn’t bother me by asking myself that same thing over and over, but hearing his tone and seeing that flash of doubt on his face made me want to hide in shame. I didn’t shame people for how many people they had slept with and while I didn’t have sex with strangers, it felt like suddenly I was this ‘loose’ person that was trying to get every single dick they could and use the system to get free stuff. The next nine months were going to be hell on my body, but sure, I only did it for free stuff and to control a man I had met ONCE.

“You’re the only person I’ve slept with in the last four months. So, yeah. I’m very sure,” I said, feeling my chest start to tighten. Anxiety began to twist my stomach like I was wringing my hands under the table. “I don’t want anything,” I added, nearly choking on my own spit. “I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you owe me or the Bean anything. I just wanted you to know, so if you did want to participate at all, you could. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. Again, I just thought that you had a right to know.”

“That did go through my mind,” John said with hesitation. “I know you said you don’t want anything, but it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t help out at all. A support check at least.”

“That. . . That’s up to you. I’m not going to take you to court over it. I figured if you ever want a relationship with the Bean, then we can work something out. I’ll keep you updated on anything you want to know or I can just leave you alone,” I said. That part was hard. I didn’t want to be a single mum and I didn’t want to be alone, but I also didn’t know John. How many relationships went sour because two people had a kid and chose to stay together instead of separate because they thought it would be better for the kid? Too many. 

“I think I’d like to know,” he said, looking up from the coaster to me. “I’d like to be involved as much as I can be.”

“Okay,” I said, twisting my napkin more. “Okay, we can do that. Um, I have a doctor’s appointment next week. If you want, you can come. It’s just a general check up.” 

“Yeah, I can do that. Just let me know the time and place. Do you want to meet there or I can pick you up?” He offered, that look coming back again. John knew what he wanted, but I couldn’t tell if it was me or the Bean. That wasn’t something I thought I would need to worry about. Would he think I wasn’t fit to be a parent by myself? Did he have family that could raise the Bean and think it would be better if they did? The prospect of being betrayed to have the Bean taken away was suddenly very real and terrifying.

“We can meet there. Here’s my number, so you can keep it and I can’t lose it again,” I said, sliding my phone over to show him my number. He added my number to his phone before adding his to mine then sliding it back to me. “I’ll go ahead and send you the details. Um, okay, I just realized how, well, how silly this sounds, especially after me giving you my information, but I just thought of it. You aren’t a crazed serial killer, are you?”

John let out a bark of a laugh, his shoulders shaking as he chuckled. “No, no. Nothing like that. I’m just a captain in SAS.” 

“That’s what it was,” I groaned. “I knew it was military, but I couldn’t remember exactly what it was.”

“To be fair, I didn’t exactly tell you,” he said, leaning forward again, much more relaxed by my ice breaker question. “So what is it that you do?”

“I’m a restaurant manager for an Italian place on the south side of town. Ciao Bella.”

“I’ve heard of the place. Always good things. I haven’t eaten there before, but now I might,” John said. 

“It’s a pretty good place. I recommend it and not just because I work there.”

The longer we talked, the more comfortable I felt with him. I still wasn't sure if he wanted me or the Bean, but it was starting to look like both of us. When I was ready to go home, he offered to drive me home and when I declined, not for lack of him trying, he walked me out to hail me a taxi. There was a bit of awkwardness at the good night part. Did we kiss? Did we high five or wave? In the end, I gave him a one armed side hug that he happily returned. 

Once I was in the taxi and down the street, my phone buzzed with a message. 

'I forgot to ask, but why do you call the baby The Bean?' I snorted and shook my head. 

'Because you English really like beans and that's the size of it right now.'

'You're English too.'

'No, I'm Scottish! There's a difference!'

'You’re right. Out of curiosity, are you related to or know a Johnny MacTavish?'

Fuck.

'Is he from Inverness, Scotland?'

'Yes. You know him?'

I had screwed up. I had seriously screwed up. I couldn't bring myself to answer him, not even when he called once I got home. It had been almost a decade and I still couldn't bear to think of him. He was supposed to be the good one. He was supposed to help me and comfort me and instead he abandoned me. If John knew him then I couldn't be around John. I couldn’t put myself or the Bean through what I had gone through the last time I’d seen him.

Once inside my flat and my door locked, I turned off my phone so I didn't have to listen to it buzz with calls and messages. How could I explain to him even the very basics to begin with? I couldn't without giving away every dirty, dark detail of why I cut him out of my life to begin with. 

Laying in bed as I felt sick, I couldn't help but think that I made a mistake. I never should have looked for John and I never should have told him. It could have been dealt with quietly and quickly and I wouldn't be so attached to it. Wrapping my arms around my belly, I started to cry. Why did I try and do the ‘right thing’ for myself? It never worked out, it wouldn’t be any different from Paul. He’d find out and he’d either leave or take the Bean or worse, would make me believe he was a good person till I truly needed him and it turned out to be a lie the whole time.

When I had ghosted John, I don’t know why I thought he’d just disappear. Why would he, after finding out I’m pregnant with his Bean, not do anything to track me down and make sure I wasn’t dead in the gutter or smuggled to another counter? While I had no information to go off of to find him other than a bar, he had plenty for me. Between my phone number, my place of work, all the information on my social media, and the doctor’s appointment that I had given the details to, I was somehow surprised to find him waiting for me at the front of the clinic the day of my appointment. It had been almost a full week since I’d seen him and had been ignoring his calls and texts in hopes he’d either talk to Johnny and find out why it was better that way or would just give up. 

“Ah, shit,” I groaned under my breath, seeing him sitting on a bench as I walked down the street from my bus stop. John had already spotted me before I could try and go another way in, giving a wave as he stood up to meet me. 

“Do you want to talk about why you pulled a Houdini on me before or after the appointment?” He asked, meeting me halfway.

“Afterwards. I haven’t eaten today and I don’t have the energy to explain everything in great detail like you’ll want it to be,” I said with a sigh. 

“Why haven’t you eaten?” John asked, frowning a bit.

“I woke up late after pulling a double shift. Turns out when you’re pregnant you get tired much more easily and if you stop moving, you do fall asleep no matter where you are,” I said, rubbing my tired eyes. There were dark circles under my eyes for sure and I probably looked like I had rolled out of bed after a week of doing nothing. My clothes were wrinkled, my trainers dirty, and my hair unwashed for the last week. John meanwhile looked put together and had done everything on his to-do list for the next month in six hours. 

“Alright, yeah. We’ll go for food after this and we can talk,” he said with a nod. Turning, he opened the door for me, letting me lead the way to the receptionist. After checking in, we found a pair of seats together in the corner. As I looked around, I felt more shame creeping up. It was a government run clinic, which meant people who weren’t well off were there and that meant stereotypes. The mum with two kids screaming while pregnant with a third, one who didn’t look older than 15 with her own mother, and one who looked like she had nicotine patches on her arms as she bounced her leg and scowled at the room. It was what I could afford as I didn’t have private insurance and John didn’t seem the type to have been in a place like that before. At least in the UK. 

I began to worry if he was silently judging me, reconsidering everything about me because we were there and not some posh doctor’s office with pleasant music playing softly while pretty people with white, toothy smiles were all around. 

“Ms. MacTavish,” a nurse said from the door to the exam rooms. Standing up, John and I followed. She took my vitals and weighed me before taking us to a small room. 

“Do you want me to hold anything?” He asked softly, minding how the room made our regular voices sound like we were shouting. 

“Oh, yes, thanks,” I said, handing my purse and jacket. I hopped onto the exam table as he held my things, moving his chair closer to the head of the table instead of at my feet. At least he was being polite. We waited a bit in silence, but it was actually comfortable. It was odd, given most people would be talking about anything and everything to avoid the fact that I was about to have to take my pants off and have someone else stick their fingers inside my fanny. 

The doctor came in after a bit, knocking then coming in without an answer from me. She immediately went to wash her hands before looking over my chart, not looking at me yet. “Okay, Ms. McTavis, you are here for a regular pregnancy check up, and is this the father of the child?” She asked, misspeaking my name. The woman looked like she was either going to ask for a manager or call the police on someone for being too loud two houses down. 

“Yes, this is John,” I said, not even bothering to correct her. I probably wouldn’t see her next time, so it didn’t matter.

“And how long have you two been sexually active together?” She asked, continuing to read over my chart and make notes. 

“Um, just once,” I said, earning a raised brow from her. “We had a one night stand. What does that have to do with the visit?”

“Ah, are you sure he’s the father?” She asked, looking down at my chart to write a few things and ignoring my question.

“Yep, the only person I’ve slept with in four months.” This was a nightmare. It was one thing to go through this with just myself, but having John there to see and hear the questions was humiliating. If we had been married or a committed couple, it would be different, but because we weren’t, I was the irresponsible one.

“All it takes is just once with no condom or pill and here you are. Alright, go ahead and take your trousers and pants off and we’ll do a quick pelvic exam.” Instead of leaving the room, she drew a curtain around me after handing me a gown. I just tried to keep any signs of embarrassment to a minimum so we could get through this. 

“I can hold those for you, Love,” John said softly, once I was changed. He was standing up with his eyes down, but holding out his hand for me to give him my clothes. 

“Thanks,” I said in a near whisper, handing him my things before getting back on the table to put my feet in the stirrups. Letting out a breath, the curtain was drawn back and the doctor scooted in on her rolly stool with gloves on and ready to go. “Lube’s a bit cold,” she said, smearing it a bit before pushing in a finger then two. It felt so uncomfortable and hurt slightly, making me even more embarrassed that John was there to see it. She had to adjust my legs, spreading them wider and higher, making it harder on my body as she did the exam. 

This was completely different from him having his head buried between my legs or him seeing me completely naked on top of him. Part of me began to wonder if I was just stupid for offering to have him at appointments with this happening. I had probably scared him off for good. Parents who wanted kids, who were trying for them, this wouldn’t bother them. We had an accident and this was forcing us to be much more intimate in an alien way.

“I need you to stay there for a moment, I forgot to grab something from the supplies,” the doctor said, pulling the curtain so I wouldn’t flash anyone when the door opened. When it closed, I tried to keep my sigh quiet, but again, those fucking rooms made a whisper sound like borderline yelling. The quiet fell over us once more, but this time, John stood up to move his chair closer. Sitting back down, he was right next to the table. He reached up and took my hand in a loose hold, giving it a quick kiss as we waited. If I wasn’t so anxious or ready to throw up, I would have cried at his sweetness. 

Once the doctor came back, she finished her exam and said everything looked good and she’d see me in four weeks. After finishing her job, she closed the door behind her after letting me know to take my time if I needed to and just leave the door open when I left. John stood up, letting go of my hand, to grab some paper towels for me. I quietly thanked him as I cleaned up myself before taking my clothes back to dress. When I was done, he took my hand in his and walked me out of there. 

Outside, I felt better, but only so much. The close interior of the clinic and the chemical smell from disinfectants were not longer trying to smother me along with my embarrassment at least. Now I had to explain everything to John and expect him to be okay with it after making him sit through that?

“If you’d like, I could get you on my health plan and you could go see a different doctor,” he offered as we kept walking. I wasn’t really paying attention to the direction as my hunger was starting to overshadow everything else, my hands getting a bit shaky had him stopping us. He looked over my face as he held both my hands, silently taking stock of where I was at. “Let’s get some food in you before we talk about anything else, yeah?”

“Please,” I said, nearly bursting into tears. Goddamn hormones. Putting his arm around me, he led us to his car to drive us to the nearest restaurant. 

After we were inside and food was ordered, delivered, then devoured, that was when he started to talk again. 

“I meant it earlier,” John said, using a napkin to wipe his face clean of crumbs. “I can put you on my health plan and you’ll be able to go to a different place.”

“I appreciate it, but this is fine,” I said, tearing up pieces of bread to sop up any juices left from my meal. “It would be a mess to change providers and this is the easiest place to get to from my place by bus.”

“You know you can ask me to take you to your appointments. It’s not a problem,” he said, looking over my plate that I practically licked clean. “Want anything else to eat? My treat.”

“I feel like a broken record a bit, but it’s fine. I’m good,” I said, fibbing a bit. Ordering a small portion didn’t exactly work in my favor, but I didn’t feel comfortable relying on him much more than I already had allowed myself to. “As for my appointments, you won’t be able to take me all the time and when I hit 28 weeks I go every other week, then at 36 weeks it’s once a week. It’s a lot to ask of you and I can do it on my own. I promise, I’m an adult.”

“Even adults need help from time to time, besides, I said I wanted to be involved,” he said. When the waitress came around to ask if we wanted anything else, John turned to look at me and waited patiently. The waitress seemed to understand what he was waiting for as she turned to look at me with a sweet smile.

“I’ll have a burger and fries. Adult portions, well done,” I said after a few seconds of panic deliberating. The man seemed unable to stop himself from trying to take care of me as much as possible. That should have been a sign to me that he was a good person and would do anything for me and the Bean. He probably did that to a lot of people around him as well. The waitress took my order with a nod then was off.

“Now, about the health plan,” John said, picking up his mug of coffee. I could see the slight smile he was hiding behind it and wanted to slap it out of his hands. Ugh. He was going to drive me insane with being so nice and helpful.

“As long as I don’t have to marry you or move in with you to be on it,” I said with resignation. 

“Done,” he said. “I’ll get you the paperwork for you to fill out and that’ll be that.” 

“Sounds good,” I said. 

A quiet fell over us as he stared at me and I refused to look at him. I knew what he wanted and until he asked, and even then, I wasn’t going to offer it up. 

“So,” he said, setting his mug down to lean against the table on his elbows. 

“So,” I said, picking up my fork to swing a bit in my fingers as I leaned back in my chair.

“You’re Johnny MacTavish’s little sister?” 

“Depends on who you ask,” I said with a shrug.

“If I were asking you?”

“Then I would say that I don’t have any siblings or immediate family.”

“And if I asked him?” I looked at his words. John was watching me, every movement, every small twitch or tell. The man was waiting for me to lie or to tell him the truth.

“Then he’d tell you he had two younger sisters. One is deceased and the other is one that he and his parents don’t talk to or see,” I said, shifting in my chair. “You didn’t tell him, did you? About me or us or the Bean?”

“No,” John said, shaking his head. “I thought you two might be estranged partners at first, but I did my own digging.”

“Yeah? What’d you find out?” I pulled my legs up in the chair to sit criss cross, unable to keep his gaze for too long. 

“I found out you went to secondary school as Johnny was starting the military and your sister was working at a local shop. Once you graduated, you went a bit wild, I would say. Partying and such. Then your sister died in a drunk driving accident and you disappeared for a bit,” he said. “But I’m still not getting the answer as to why you ran when I mentioned Johnny.”

“That is because he and I don’t speak. I haven’t spoken to him or my parents in almost a decade. Basically since our sister died,” I said, keeping my gaze on the paper straw cover that I was folding. John was quiet, letting me get the words out on my own time. “I had been at a party that night and had been drinking. So, I called Saoirse to come pick me up. All my friends were pretty pissed at the time, so I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? Not leaving with the drunk people and getting a sober driver.” I swallowed hard, feeling my chest tighten as I tried not to let the images of that not conjure up in my head. I didn’t even get to know what happened fully till my cousin Mike told me and that was nearly two days later. 

He and my other cousin Seamus were the only family I still considered to be family. They were military like Johnny, special forces in SAS, but they were older. Mike was nearly 60 and Seamus was pushing mid 40s, but they had always been kind to me and never treated me differently. Especially Mike. He’d send presents for Christmas and my birthday, things I actually wanted while my parents would give me the bland socks or clothes that I hated. He still did when he could. All he had were his brother Paulie left as his parents were gone with no spouse or kids of his own. Mike got me through the grieving, but he never spoke up like Saoirse did. 

“She was on her way there when one of the guys that was at the party left, and he hit my sister when he was trying to race someone else that was drunk. When my parents found out where I had been and why she had been there, they blamed me for her death. Johnny wasn’t around much because he was off doing military stuff, so the only story he got was from them. I never got to explain to him what happened or find out what our parents told him. He wouldn’t look at me even at the funeral when the family was gathered together. I ended up drunk halfway through and left. No one followed me aside from my cousin Mike. He let me stay with him till I could get my own place. My parents didn’t try to find me or talk to me, neither did Johnny.” 

“I’m so sorry, Love,” he said softly, reaching over to take my hand that was starting to pick at my cuticles. “That must have been. . . That’s so hard.”

“Yeah,” I said with a snort, trying not to focus on it too much and have a melt down before I got my food. “Johnny never reached out to see if what they said was true, just trusted them despite the bullshit they always pulled with me. I have no clue what I did to them, but my parents always treated me differently. It wasn’t outright abuse, but I know they never did like me, let alone love me. Saoirse always stood up for me, whenever they gave me a hard time, she’d call them out on it. Johnny didn’t get to see much of it because he was always busy and he always believed our parents. They had never done anything wrong to him, so how could they be so bad?”

“Have you tried reaching out to him? Try explaining anything to him?” John asked, rubbing my palm. 

“I did once, but he acted like I was. . . Like I was some druggie asking for help to get their next fix. It was maybe six years ago. I saw him in passing in Glasgow. He said I needed to get help and stop asking for money, before I even said anything. Johnny told me that I was an adult and couldn’t live off of mum and dad forever. Apparently our parents had been telling him that I was constantly asking for money for beer or drugs or whatever and he didn’t question it. We used to be really close, you know? Right before he turned 16 and tried to join the military, we’d always be around one another. Him and me and Saoirse. I don’t know what changed, but once he was gone, he wasn’t my brother anymore. Just a stranger who didn’t have time or want for me.” 

Just as it was getting too much to talk about, my food arrived. While I didn’t have that much of an appetite after explaining myself, even leaving a lot out, I still needed to eat. John didn’t ask any more questions as I ate, though I’m sure he had some. Finished with my food in just a few minutes, I let my meal settle before asking my own question. 

“So, how do you know Johnny?” I asked, knowing it was something that we would have to work with instead of around.

“He and I are on the same deployment team, specialized task force if you will,” John said. “We work together and see each other almost daily when we’re not deployed.”

“So this is something that he will find out about,” I said, nodding as anxiety made my stomach roll. 

“I know you two aren’t on good terms, but I can’t hide this from him. I also didn’t know how. . . Sensitive it was,” he said. “I can tell him myself or we can tell him together, but he has to know.”

“Which means my parents will find out as well,” I said, feeling like I was losing any sense of control I had over the situation. It was quickly going into a very upsetting and unwelcome direction. 

“Possibly,” John said. “I know that this is asking a lot from you, from carrying the baby to having to speak with family you cut out of your life, but I want to make this work. I want to be there for our child and you.”

“You’re right this is asking a lot,” I said, nodding as I stood up. “I can’t do this John. I’m not even sorry, but I am being asked to do so much, no I’m being told to do so much. I know you want to be in Bean’s life, but I am sacrificing everything and you get to just waltz in like the hero with the medical plan and the money and the car to take me places. I’m not-I can’t. No, it’s not happening,” I said, walking out. John cursed before following me out. 

“Love, just wait,” he said, grabbing my arm. 

“No! You wait!” I snarled as I turned on him, yanking my arm away. “I am expected to give up everything and sacrifice my sense of safety and self worth for you! Not Bean, but you! Because you work with my brother who I haven’t seen in years and because you want me to go to the nice medical practice and you want me to do this and that and I don’t want to! I don’t have to! So just leave me alone and forget I ever found you again. I’ve been on my own long enough that I can take care of myself and Bean without you.”

“You don’t have to though,” John said. He was frustrated, scrubbing his face as he looked around to see people staring at us because of my outburst. “Just-”

“No, no justs!” I cried. “I want to be left alone. Don’t call me, don’t follow me, don’t message me, nothing!”

He looked so heart broken, so desperate to help, but didn’t know how to handle being denied. Part of me wanted to just break down into tears and hug him, plead for him to never leave me, but I knew. . . I fucking knew that this was a pipe dream. Anything he and I could ever be or have was a fantasy. As soon as Johnny or my parents found out, they’d poison John against me. Help him take the Bean if they wanted to. 

I stared hard at him for a few moments before turning to walk away. I was miles from my place, but I didn’t care. The walk would help me get rid of these feelings and wants and pointless dreams. It should have been clear from the start that I wasn’t going to have a house with a yard and a bright red door with a shining white archway. No 2.5 kids with someone I loved and an old dog or cat we found while dating. I saw who I was at the clinic. The mum with two kids screaming, a third on the way while trying to handle it all on their own. That was my future.

Days passed and John kept his distance. I didn’t attempt to contact him and he did the same. After a while it felt normal again aside from getting sick at the slightest strong smell. I hadn’t escaped the dreaded ‘morning’ sickness after all. Work was hard, but I got through it, even if it meant leaving when the food began to be cooked and coming in early. Hitting 10 weeks felt like it took forever. The mood swings were still awful and my breasts were tender and swollen. I was getting a more noticeable bump too. It was easy to hide, but standing in front of a mirror in my underwear showed that there was indeed a Bean growing inside me. 

The worst part was my blood pressure. Somehow I had very low blood pressure despite the stress I was under. Low enough that if I was still for too long I would start to pass out. A quick clinic visit had me upping my salt intake and water. It wasn’t bad if I was at home, I could just sit in the floor till the feeling passed. I hadn’t experienced it outside of the house, yet. 

Mid week 11, I finally went to the store instead of eating out. I wasn’t feeling great, but I was doing what I could. Pushing the trolly up the bread aisle, I was looking for the one type of bread I knew I could stomach when fate decided that it was time for things to come to a head. 

As I was reaching for the bread, standing as tall as I could on my tippy toes, a hand reached up and grabbed it. 

“Here you go,” a familiar voice said. I turned to look at the person with wide eyes, both of us having a moment of disbelief. 

“Hey, Soap, don’t forget the-” 

Son of a fucking bitch.

“Oh,” John said as he saw me and Johnny staring at one another. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Johnny said, never taking his eyes off me. “Just helping this nice lady get some bread.” 

I never had a hair trigger to cry before, but the moment he said that instead of saying he knew me, it broke me. Bursting into tears, I couldn’t even leave. I was sobbing so hard. 

“Soap,” John said with a growl. I tried to brush his hands away, to try and get some space, but John wasn’t letting me leave. 

“Do you know her, Cap?” Johnny asked, sounding anything but pleased. 

“Easy, Love,” John said softly, pulling me close and stroking my hair. It shouldn’t have made me melt into him so easily, I should have tried harder to leave, but I was just so damn tired. 

“Price?” Johnny said, getting gruff. 

“I know who she is, Soap,” John said. “I know who you are to her. We can do this here or we can do this in private, Sergeant.” His tone left no argument or even a choice. The three of us left the store empty handed. John had me tucked under his arm the whole time we walked to a nearby house. It was just a few blocks from mine and when Johnny pulled out his keys to open the front door, I began to sob all over again. He had been so close this whole time and we never once ran into each other. It meant we either had very bad luck or he knew where I was the whole time and never said a thing. 

John offered soft words of comfort and reassurance as he guided me to a sofa. Sitting me down, he looked off to the side and told someone to bring him a cool wash cloth and to make tea. 

“I’m not fucking English, I don’t drink tea,” I croaked between sniffling sobs. 

“Yeah, but I am and so is the Bean,” John said, giving me a smile that made his cheeks round and his eyes crease. It was the same one he’d given me that first night we met. 

He had been sitting at the bar, nursing a scotch when I came up wild and loud, climbing onto a stool so I could kneel on it to be able to lean onto the bar so the bartender could hear my order. I glanced at him and flashed a smile and a wave. ‘Hi!’ I said, giving him my name. ‘Do you like tequila?’

‘Hi, I’m John and I do like tequila.’

‘It’s grand to meet you, John! Have a shot with me!’

“Who’s Bean?” A voice asked, bringing us out of our small daze. Looking up, there stood a man with dark eyes and a curious look. 

“Gaz,” John said, clearing his throat. “Not the time.” The man nodded, handing him the wash cloth that he turned to wipe my face. Letting him clean me up, I was able to calm down and at least stop crying. The headache that came after didn’t help at all. I couldn’t take any medication for it either, so I only had a bag of frozen peas that Gaz had grabbed at John’s request to help soothe the pounding behind my eyes. 

“Seems we’ve calmed down enough that we can talk,” John said as Johnny joined us, standing in the doorway, leaning against it with his arms crossed and his face sour. “There’s no good way to say this, so I might as well just say it. Johnny, your sister and I had a one night stand and now she’s pregnant.”

“Bullshit,” Johnny scoffed. 

“Sergeant,” John growled in a warning. 

“She’s not pregnant,” Johnny said, not backing down. “You two may have fucked, but she’s not pregnant. She’s just trying to get money out of you.”

“I went to a fucking doctor’s visit with her. She is pregnant and she’s been trying to avoid me and push away any help I offer her because you and your parents seem to have it out for her,” John snarled, standing up. “Now, I don’t know what your parents told you, but your sister has done everything in her power to make sure I’m not in my child’s life because you and them treat her like a plague rat. She has not once asked for a damn penny, let alone any large sum you’ve made up in your head.”

“You don’t even know if it’s yours!” Johnny cried out, pushing off from the doorframe. 

“I’m the only one she’s been with, you fucking muppet! You’d know that if you’d talk to her like a decent person, let alone a decent brother!” John snapped, getting in his face. “I have been trying to do everything I can to make sure I have a relationship with my child, at least, because it is impossible to get close to her after everything you lot put her through! I gave you the benefit of the doubt even. That you were just fed lies so much that nothing else made sense! No, this is willful ignorance now and I won’t stand for it. Your sister has been alone needlessly for years. Be a fucking man and own up to your mistakes.”

The room was deathly quiet as the two men stood there, seething as they stared each other down. 

“You know shit ain’t been addin’ up, Johnny,” a low, gruff voice said. A man with a skull balaclava stood off to the side as he watched everything. Had he been there the whole time? “It hasn’t been for a long time.” Johnny turned away from John to look at the man then to me. His snarl faded as he kept our gazes locked before walking away. “I got him, you take care of yours, Price,” the man said, calmly walking after my brother. John nodded, letting out a breath he’d been holding. 

“I. . . I’m sorry, Love,” he said softly, taking a seat next to me, his head hanging as he stared at his hands. “I know you didn’t want any of this and I’ll take you home if you want me to.”

“John,” I said, reaching over and taking his calloused hand in mine. “Thank you.” He looked from our hands to my face, his brows relaxing a bit from the worried scrunch they’d been stuck in.

“You’re welcome,” he said softly, leaning in to kiss my cheek. 

“I think maybe we should try things differently,” I said, bumping his head with mine. 

“Yeah?” He hummed, pulling me close to rest against his chest. 

“Dating. We should date. Start there and work our way up,” I said, nuzzling against his chest. He was wearing a soft cable knit sweater and I wanted to climb inside it with him. 

“I think that’s a good idea,” he said, his voice rumbling deep in his chest as he put both arms around me. 

“I also need the insurance papers again. . . I lost them,” I said, tucking my head under his, happy in the warm and safe spot I’d made. 

“Of course,” John said, chuckling. 

“Also. . . That was really hot, you standing up for me. I don’t think I’d ever been so turned on before,” I said, hiding my smirk.

“Brat,” he snorted. “Do you want to go home?”

“Can you come with me and stay?” I asked, pulling away to look up at him.

“Wild dogs couldn’t keep me away,” John smiled, leaning down to kiss me. 

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[gosmigenergy]

KINKTOBER 2023 / Day Twenty Four

( Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia x F!Reader )

BRATTY SUB / ANAL/ORAL TRAINING / CAGING

Summary: Santiago offers to help you take the guys’ cocks better yet his method is not what you expected.

Day Twenty Four of @absurdthirst’s Kinktober

Rating: Mature 18+

Warnings: Language, oral - male receiving, use of a gag/spider gag, deep throating, Dom!Santiago, no use of Y/N

Word Count: 3k

There were some aspects of oral you were really good at, taking length was not one of them.

As much as you tried deep throating them, you were guaranteed to choke or gag or, like once, almost throw up a meal. And though the boys loved watching you as your eyes watered and your throat convulsed, you knew you wanted to do better.

It was still early days but Santiago seemed like the best person to ask.

‘Two guidelines for prep, don’t eat for a few hours and drink plenty of water. I’m going to be going to town on that throat of yours.’

His message was straight and to the point.

When the day arrived, you didn’t quite know what to do with yourself throughout the day, there was only so much distraction it had to offer. You chose a cute outfit and an even sweeter set of underwear, laying it out on your bed ready for when you got back. It was in the quieter moments where you started to think about what would happen and your body would prickle, heartbeat increasing, palms sweating.

You’d shake it off and carry on as if nothing had happened.

By the time you arrive to Santiago’s, you’re already flustered not because you’re nervous but because you’ve been busting to pee from the moment you exited your street. You push the bell and he opens the door, kissing your lips as you step in. Shutting the door, his hands wrap around your waist, pulling you close.

He tries to deepen the kiss but you draw your head back, putting your palms against his chest.

“I’m sorry but I really need to use the bathroom.”

He unravels himself from your frame, chuckling.

“You know where it is.”

You peck his cheek before running.

“It’s nice to know you’re a girl who does as she’s told,” he said when you came to the kitchen, a glint in his eye.

You blush, taking the cup of tea from his hand as he finished stirring it.

“Well, I guessed it wouldn’t be fun if I didn’t.”

Everything you were saying was music to his ears. He’d wanted someone to play with for a while, he wasn’t quite sure where this would lead but it was going to be interesting to find out.

“Good girl.”

He sipped his drink, watching as the temperature grew in your cheeks and you break eye contact with him. You didn’t know how but him saying that did things, your heart fluttered and the butterflies in your belly dispersed into desire.

“So,” you blow at the hot liquid, “how’s this going to work?”

His one eyebrow arches.

“We’re going to work in three stages, first you give me a blow job—“

“You know I can suck your cock, Santi.”

He doesn’t look impressed to be interrupted.

“That’s not what I’m saying, honey, it’s so I can get an idea on what needs work.”

Your lips skewed, if you say so.

“Then I’ll want you to take me slowly and deeply, we’ll time it and if you can, we’ll go for longer. Stage two is when I take over, we’ll practice on your knees and over the bed.”

“And the third part?”

“I’ll show you that when we get there.”

“Should I be scared?”

He puts done his mug, shaking his head. Stepping towards you, he cups your face so that your eyes meet. You blink, eyes wide as your lips parted and you swallow.

“You’re gonna be great, honey.”

The pair of you hung around talking for almost an hour, ending up on the couch, your knees resting in his lap whilst he spoke. And when you spoke, he focused entirely on you, eyes roaming your features. His hand was resting on your knee and as time passed, it dropped to your thigh before teasing the hem of your dress.

When the conversation faded away, he asked the question.

“Shall we head to the bedroom?”

You nod feebly.

He gets up and offers you his hand. Taking it he guides you to the bedroom, you’ve been there before, you know where it is but he wants to keep you close. Your palm is clammy against his and he hears your deep breath as you take it.

In the room, he turns round and pulls you to him, his free hand coiling behind your head as he brings you in to kiss your lips. For a plot second you don’t react, accepting the strength of his lips against yours before you push back. He juts his chin for you to open you mouth and you allow him inside.

His tongue twists with yours, the taste of his bitter coffee sinking into your tastebuds. As he pulls back, he sinks his teeth gently into your bottom lip, sucking it softly before releasing it. He smiles at how flushed you already are, moving his hand from your head as it comes to join the other. He starts to undo the buttons of your dress, deliberately taking his time so he can kiss you again.

Rolling your shoulders, your dress spills to the floor and he looks at your breasts contained in a lilac zebra lace. He blinks, glancing at your face before he crouches to pick up your dress, you step out of the fabric.

“Do you like it?”

“I’d much prefer it if it was black,” he says, looking over his shoulder as he went to lay your dress out on a loveseat.

You roll your eyes, he was a man who liked minimal colour.

“Behave.”

“If I do, do I get a reward?”

“We’ll see how well you take my cock, honey.”

You try to remain pokerface but he catches the corner of your lips quirk, he’s pretty sure your body is responding just as he wants too.

Returning to you, his hand roamed your body as he kissed you. He pinned your chest to his, hands running from your shoulders to your ass, palming the meat before tapping it lightly. When you hum in his mouth, he does it again a touch harder.

Your hands are exploring Santiago, fingertips following the muscle along his shoulders, drawing directly down his spine. He groans, nipping at your bottom lip before he continues to press his lips underneath your jaw and down to the crook of your neck. Your hands have reached his ass and you are always amazed by how pert and firm it is. He ruts your hips abruptly into his and you squeak at the force.

His cock is growing underneath his underwear and you feel the smirk on your skin as he rolls it against your mound.

“Santi,” you moan, pulling the hair at the back of his head.

You relax your hand as he lifts his head, bringing his lips to the shell of your ear.

“On your knees,” he says in an authoritative tone.

You sink down, grateful that there’s carpet.

He took a step back, hooking his briefs with his thumb and pulling them down effortlessly. You watch as his hardened cock swings free, settling directly in eye line. Blinking, you tilt your head back and look up at him doe eyed.

He gestured to his cock, “You know what to do.”

Your tongue flicks over your lips as you crane your neck and take his tip in your mouth. Sucking, you build the saliva in your mouth before pressing your tongue flat against him, the precum salty as it soaks into your tastebuds. You twist around his tip, the front of your tongue teasing along the ridge connecting to his length.

As he groans, you look up, his eyelids heavy over darkening eyes. You roll your tongue over a few more times then open your jaw wider, taking in his full length, stopping when you reach his pubic hair. Pulling back, you watch his chest fall as a ragged breath falls from his lips. You keep your eyes fixed on his until his lashes flutter shut.

You pump your head up and down his length at a leisurely pace, flicking your tongue around his radiating tip when the opportunity arises.

You pick up the speed gradually, your saliva spilling over your lips as you glide. His hand brushes your hair from your face, burying at the back before he tug you from his cock, an audible pop as it falls from your mouth.

Lifting your head back, he takes the thumb of his free hand and collects the spit around your mouth, pushing it passed your lips and you suck.

“Good girl.”

You bat your lashes at him and he smiles as he draws his thumb out.

“Now, take my dick as far as you can. Tap my leg three times if you’re struggling.”

Nodding, he loosens his grip and allows your lips to return to his cock. You touch your lips to the tip before opening your jaw, tucking your tongue underneath his length and hollowed out you cheeks. Going down, you feel your nose brush his pubic hairline and you stop.

“Ok,” he says, cupping both his hands around your head. “I’m just gonna push you a little more, ok?”

You hum and he sort of regrets asking you as the vibration makes his cock twitch.

He gently eases you closer to him, nose sinking against his stomach, his tip notching at the back of your throat. Holding you steady, he feels your throat pulse at three seconds before your gag reflexes kick in at seven and you tap his leg.

Pulling back swiftly, you choke as he slips from your mouth.

“I’m sorry,” you cough after every syllable.

“Don’t apologise, honey,” his thumbs rub up and down, “it’s why we’re doing this.”

He lets go and strolls over to the chest of draws, coming back to you with a bottle of water. You take a couple of sips to settle your coughing.

“Ready to go again?”

“Yeah,” you rock on your knees and rearrange your position.

“You need to fight that instinct when it kicks in.”

You pierce your lips together, taking a deep breath as you hold his cock in your hand. Taking in his length, he pushes your head forward. You close your eyes, focusing on the weight of him in your mouth, the heat of the tip bending down your throat.

He pulls you back, “That’s it.”

You did the sequence a few more times then he decided to up it to fifteen seconds. At twelve, you felt the gag reflex overwhelming you and you tapped his leg frantically.

“You need to relax your throat,” he trailed his fingers over your neck soothingly.

Your eyes were glossy and wide, “I don’t know how.”

His expression is soft as he presses his palm delicately to your blushing cheek.

“I’ll help you.”

You swallow, nodding as you approach his cock. It’s around nine seconds when he feels a spasm in your throat, he brings one hand to your neck and strokes it calmly.

“Relax,” his voice is light, smooth.

Eyes closed, you centre your attention to his moving palm rather than his cock in your mouth and it helped. He pulled you back and you tipped your head, smiling up at him.

“You’re doing amazing, honey.”

Your pussy clenches around nothing and a fleeting thought makes you wonder whether you had a praise kink but you’ll think about that later. The pair of you work through another few fifteen seconds before moving onto twenty and you keep getting better. He praises you unceasingly, caressing your cheek, your head and you smile all the while.

“Want to try for thirty?”

Your head bobs enthusiastically and you continue to do well with a couple of tweaks here and there. He let you catch your breath and have a drink with water before he decided it was best to move onto the next stage.

“Do you trust me?”

You felt like it was a stupid question but responded anyway, “Of course.”

“Hands behind your back.”

Moving your hands, you cradle them to rest on your lower back and peer up at him innocently. He pumps his cock a few times, his hand gliding with ease over your saliva, as he lines himself up. You obediently open your mouth wide enough for his cock to go through.

Holding the base, he slides passed your lips and over your tongue, nudging the back of your throat before his slip down. He rolls his hips, his cock moving back and forth at a gently pace before he pulled out.

“Can I go a little harder?”

You nod.

“I want you to use your words, honey.”

“Yes,” you mutter, “it’s fine.”

“Good girl.”

He carried on fucking your throat, stopping occasionally to ask for feedback, making sure his motions and force suited your tolerance. You answered every time until he came in your mouth though you knew he hadn’t released his full load when he pulled out.

Stroking your hair, he breathed heavily, running a hand over his face.

“Do you want to skip to the next stage?”

There was only so many ways he could fuck your throat. He could go to town if you hung your head over the edge of the bed, could go hard and fast but what he had planned for last was more exciting for him.

“Am I ready?”

He lifted your chin to stare directly into your eyes, “More than ready.”

“I’m happy if you’re happy, Santi.”

He winked, walking away to his wardrobe and reaching for a storage box at the top. Sliding it into his hands, he rummaged through the box until he found what he was looking for, tidying everything away.

“Now, don’t be alarmed,” he said before turning round.

You eyes fell to what he was holding, from where you were, you could only see black leather straps with a silver buckle.

You cocked your head, eyebrows knotting, “What is it?”

There were some BDSM things, you had seen, mostly through your ex but also through your own curiosity. Coming back to you, he grabbed the straps and held it up for you to see clearly, a metal O-Ring with legs.

Your back straightens and your eyes open wide.

“Is that a spider gag?”

He hums, “You know your stuff.”

“Not really, just stumbled upon them,” your eyes break away and you turn away.

Crouching to your level, he presses his palm to your cheek and rotates your head to face him. He’s not smiling but he’s not being serious either, it’s a weird in between that’s comforting.

“I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it just,” you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, “looks intimidating.”

A smile draws to his lips, “Trust me, your going to look so fucking pretty in it.”

You giggle, blushing at the thought.

“Are you still happy to do this?”

You open your mouth and he takes that as a yes. He slots the O-Ring behind your teeth and stretches your lips, the pain is fleeting. You hold it there as he moves behind you and buckles the straps at the back.

“Is that too tight?”

You shake your head.

He comes to the front and you lift your ass up to meet his hips before he tilted your head.

“Tap three times if you need me to stop.”

He holds his base and rests the tip of his cock on your lips, your mouth already salivating. Rolling his hips, he pushes his length to the back of your throat and out with ease. He goes gently at first to get you used to him and then he starts to thrust.

It was already getting messy, your spit was beginning to leak, trickling down your chin.

His cock was pushing as far as it could go, slipping down your throat. The ferociousness of his movements cause his balls to knock underneath your chin and your tongue pulses as his length fills your mouth over and over.

He looks down at you to check how you’re doing.

You’re focused completely on him with watery eyes, sweat clinging to your hairline as your saliva drips to your flushed chest. A gargle rises from your throat and he growls as your throat constricts a fraction.

He wished for this, a partner who would trust him, who would really submit. He goes full pelt, pressing his navel to your nose as he slides deeper.

“You’re taking me so well, honey,” he says in a sigh.

You didn’t know how much longer you’d hold up, the back of your throat getting sore. He was snapping his hips as hard as he could, chasing another release.

Your throat spasms, his cock twitching.

“Not much longer,” his jaw has locked, hips stuttering. “Good girl.”

A tear rolled down your cheek yet you still looked at him with sultry eyes, his cock jerks again. He only had a few strokes left in him and he was going to make this count. Taking the back of your head, he rams his cock into your mouth and stretched as far as he could, pushing you further into his coiling stomach. He gives another five like that before he holds you firmly in place.

His hot cum spurts down your throat effortlessly.

A moan escapes his lips as his body relaxes, your face no longer pressed into his muscles. You wait until you’ve milked his final drop and tap his leg, he immediately wakes up from his euphoria. 

He pulls out, trailing his fingertips around your face before he lands heavily on his knees, he’ll regret that tomorrow. His hands come behind your head and he unbuckles the straps, the gag loosening. You reach for the O-Ring and pluck it from your mouth, moving your jaw to try and get the feeling back.

“Let me clean you up, stay there.”

You massage the point where your cheeks and jaw meet.

Returning from the bathroom, he drags a lukewarm square towel over your chest before moving up towards your face. He cleans up your neck and then wipes your chin, circling your mouth and finally your swollen lips. Removing the fabric, he replaces it with his lips, strong but soft.

You kiss him back.

“I’ll order us some food,” he straightens up, clocking your pout.

“But what about my reward?”

You flutter your lashes at him and that’s when he knew, you’d always be a good girl.

[cherry1sblog]

Warning:basically everything sexual :/

SUNOOS RED HAIR HAS BEEN GETTING TO ME LATLY

Summary:it’s your birthday and your hot pink tight dress that almost shows your ass is enough to drive sunoo insane

The time was 10:45pm and your birthday party was going amazing you were finally 20 and in your 3rd year of collage everything was going amazing except for the fact that u didn’t really well want a party and where a dress that is way to short for your liking but you wanted to make your bff happy so hear u are throwing a party witch no one would have came to if it wasn’t for your freind cause u didn’t have many or actually u had none other than seoyeon so u we’re grateful to her

-TIME SKIP-

It was now 12:30 am u drank way to many shots than u were supposed to but u didn’t feel super tipsy so u knew than when u felt that someone was staring at you witch a lot of people were more than usual maybe because I didn’t have my glasses or my hair up like always but this stare was diffrent so u knew you weren’t going crazy so you looked in the direction where u felt someone was staring and you weren’t wrong u locked eyes with sunoo…WAIT WHAT THEY KIM SUNOO IS LOOKING AT ME RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT !!you immediately turned around fighting the urge to scream until u felt someone’s arm wrap around your waist from behind u froze and didn’t know what to do that’s until they wisperd

Sunoo:why are u so stiff

U turned your head to the side a little

Y/n:s-sun

Sunoo:u seem nervous but u didn’t seem to nervous when u were dancing with your dress almost showing all your ass

U quickly try to get out of his hold now embarrassed a little and wanting to just find Seoyeon and tell her what happened

Sunoo:ah ah no so fast 

Yn:s-sunoo please let me go

Sunoo: why don’t h wanna have some fun baby

He drags you by your arm going up the stairs and ask witch is your room

Sunoo: witch is your room

You said nothing scared somthing was about to go down witch it in fact did…

//5MIN TIME SKIP\\

Sunoo pinned you against the way kissing your neck making sure to leave hicks. Visible this is your first time so obvi u were scared until he started to play with the strap of you dress is gave u butterfly’s he push off from the wall laying u on the bed

Sunoo:hey princes can I take this off

Y/n:yes please

Kissing the top part that your bra left revealing he unclasped your bra as you archers your back he definitely was a boob guy cause the way he swirled his tounge around your bud and pulls at it was amazing

“Your so pretty I wish I could be more slow with you”

“But I’m kinda hurting and you are to pretty”

You just moaned being to dumb from him barley doing anything he took off your panties and took of his boxers I got scared seeing his size being your first time he was so thick

“W-wait sun”

“Mm baby what’s wrong”

“This is my first time”

“Don’t worry I’ll take care of you”

He slowly slid into you feeling a starch of pain

“Ah it hurts sunoo”

“I know princess I’ll wait”

He started to kiss you distracting you from the pain but suddenly that pain was turend into pleasure

“Sunoo please move “

“Anything you say princess “

He slowly went in and out you moaning him kissing you to get you to hush but it felt so good too good

“You feel so good princess “

“Agrh please sunoo omg”

He started to rub your clit and press down on your stoch to feel his duck bulging out of your rearaging your organs

“Ah sun-sunoo omg I need to pee “

“Good princess “

He went faster bucking his hips sucking on your boobs and then you came undon he was still going tho to reach his own high

“Your so tight how can you be so tight and feel so good omg”

He started to get close but you were also getting close to your second orgasam

“Sun im gonna cun again “

“Me too princess me to “

And then he came and so did you leaving you both fucked out CANT believing you just had the hottest guy on campuse take your virginity but it felt good so good you never wanted it to stop

“Princess I think you should get dressed now to celebrate and cut your cake for your party “

“And I got you something “

Sunoo Barley knew you so him getting you something was outta pokey but so was him fucking you

“Aw sun you didn’t have to”

You opend the box and there was a bracelet with your anitail on it

“Thank you I love it so much sun”

“I’m glad you like it and next time I promise to take my time with you”

Next time!??

…………………………

AHHDJFJGJG if you guys want a part two lemeee know!

[paganwitchisis]

"What love Can Change" Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen: The Heartbeat and a New Bond

Rated: E for Explicit!!

Pairing: AFAB Female Tav/Spawn Astarion

Words: 3,884

TRIGGER WARNING -Breeding kink, violence, descriptions of trauma, sexual assault, torture, suicide attempt and mention/idealization, self harm, starvation, depression, pregnancy, hyper-sexuality, Dead Dove Don’t Eat and rape

Thanks again @alyssac9 as usual for proof reading and being a phenomenal person :)

AO3 link is here!

Due to the fact that this chapter is short, I am updating a little sooner due to this.

Story:

“You knew I was awake?” Tav asked as Astarion stripped her of her armor and footwear. She said nothing but was stewing in her pain. She had small bouts of this before and hid it behind a smile, but never to this extent. Never to where she could not feel her own body and her soul felt like a hole in her that sucked up all happiness inside. Even what Astarion did for her just moments ago should have put a smile on her face, but instead, she kept thinking how her so-called friends had to be reminded she helped them and to not be angry at her.

“Of course, darling,” Astarion said stripping her of her clothes so she would be bare before him. He helped her get comfortable in bed before he grabbed her food, or rather paste, and gave her it. Tav tried it and recoiled.

“Not to your taste?” Astarion teased as he stripped himself too of his armor, boots, and clothing. Tav ate the horrible-tasting paste. What did it matter to her, everything tasted like ash in her current condition. Tav quickly took off her necklace and placed it on the nightstand when Astarion turned to put his boots and daggers away. She didn’t want to chance him seeing her ring on her neck and not on her finger. It was a miracle he didn’t see it yet. Tav laid back down in the bed and then saw her husband in all his glory, and she couldn’t help but want to cry inside. He deserved better than her, she thought to herself. He was gorgeous and caring; he was perfect in almost every way. Tav had to fight back the tears so that Astarion would not know her turmoil.

“We have a few hours before we have to leave to kill Sebastian, my dear. I remember promising you a few hours of dedicated fun just for you.” Astarion tried to slither up the bed, but Tav turned to the side and laid on her left shoulder. Tav turned away from him.

“Wh—what’s wrong?” Astarion asked as he sat on the bed behind her. He went to put his hand on her arm, but she flinched and pulled away. He knew something was terribly wrong.

“Nothing. I’m just tired.” Tav told him while she hatched a plan.

Astarion didn’t buy it. He reached over and placed the palm of his hand on her chest, pulling back hard enough to force her her to lay on her back. He crawled over her and saw a tear she tried to conceal. “Now don't lie to me,” Astarion demanded an answer.

At this point, she saw his worried yet loving face. She wanted so badly to hold him and kiss him, but she didn’t. She looked at him and gave him an empty packet container before turning to the left and finding her way off the bed. This alerted Astarion because she shouldn’t be expending any energy. This includes walking! He got off the bed and saw she was getting dressed.

“What are you doing? What is wrong??” “Astarion pleaded as she finished getting her clothes on.

“I need to pee. You can wait here; I don’t need a damn audience for this. We’ll talk when I get back.” Tav finally said as she faced her husband, her back to the dresser where her husband kept his sharpened daggers. Astarion thought about this a moment but then decided against it.

“Compromise! I’ll go with you to the bathroom but wait outside the door in case you don’t feel okay. This way if something happens to you, someone will find you right away. More specifically I will be there for you.” This wasn’t okay for Tav. For what she wanted to work, she would need him away. His senses would pick up too much. Maybe she should wait until later... She dropped the dagger softly without his notice and went back to the bed and sat down.

“False alarm, I don’t even know my body anymore and what it needs. Look, about certain… necessities. I am not going to do certain restroom um… options with you almost right next to me, just outside the door. That is embarrassing and makes me feel like I am a kid and untrustworthy. Yes, what I did wasn’t the smartest play, but it was the only one at the time. I should have spoken up sooner, but I thought it was only affecting my body. Me. No one else until recently. While bathing with you is intimate, when done near the time of finishing or beginning sex or hells, anytime during the day, I’d feel like a fucking child if you had said Karlach was washing my god damn hair because you are afraid I might pass out. What’s next? I’m not allowed to shave my pubic hair because I might collapse and nick myself? Or I need you to watch me do everything or fucking do it for me? NO! I am a grown woman. Yes, I am not the healthiest but there are some things you can't take my autonomy from.”

Astarion growled and pushed her on the bed before claiming her lips. He tried to push it further and deepen the kiss, but Tav denied him until he used his fang to split her lip. He used the surprise to slip his tongue in and savor the brief last taste of blood he would get for some time. He brought his hands forward and held her head as he kept kissing her hard and deep. His fear of losing her kept staying on the edge of his mind. At some point, he felt her relax into his arms and lips, she moaned, and he could smell her desire. He internally smirked while Tav was thinking how, for now, she would entertain her husband. It would be the last night she had with him if she succeeded in her plan. If not… the consequences may be severe and separate her from him regardless. Tav allowed herself to be moved to the middle of the bed, where Astarion removed her clothes once again and began kissing her down her neck and onto her breasts. He pulled back a moment.

“No one thinks of you like a child, my love; I’ll show you that. I’ll be the only one to touch you, undress you or be around you while… compromised. We can't avoid some of these options, my love, and concerning certain…restroom activities. It may be a bit before that situation returns considering your diet. Still, I’m your husband. Nothing can scare me away. No bodily fluid or function, my sweet.” Astarion whispered with a smile while kissing Tav’s neck again.

Tav almost cried at his comment. This man was too caring, too understanding, and compassionate towards her. If only he had a real spouse and not a broken one to attend to. Tav’s chest felt heavy, and she had more resolve for her plan late that night. Astarion looked at the clock and back to her.

“We don’t have as much time as I would like, my precious, so I’ll have to give you a taste of what is to come when you wake up tomorrow morning.”  Tav understood immediately what he was going to do because he enunciated the word taste. Should she stop him? No, she couldn’t because he couldn’t stop her before the plan, but she didn’t deserve this! Maybe this could be her send-off? she thought in her mind.

“Now don’t you dare move. You heard the healer. You can't move and use energy; think you can do it?”

She nodded her head; fearful her voice would give away her plan or endanger it.

Astarion went back down to her breasts and was taking her nipples in his mouth which earned a moan and a gentle rocking of her hips. “Eager, are we? I won't make you wait, my love. You’ve endured too much today. Let me make the night better.” Astarion’s sultry tone made her wetter and feel more guilty. He was so perfect…so tender. How did she get him? She didn’t deserve him; someone better is out there. His real mate. Maybe a vampire. Tav closed her eyes before they betrayed her and cried, she tried to hold strong. Tonight. Tonight, it will stop.

Astarion made his way south while kissing every piece of flesh he could find along the way. As he did, he kept hearing this very, very faint noise that bugged him. He wasn’t sure where it was from, but he ignored it. His focus was dripping and so damn close. He needed to get her in his mouth. It was no longer a want but a need. He was told today his wife was near death, and he could wake up to her dead next to him. The baby could die in her womb as well, and the very thought chilled him to the core. He wanted his family so badly. He wants to get this issue with the brain figured out, grab the crown get his wife’s immortality…which he realizes he still needs to talk to Mystra about before grabbing the crown, they sequester themselves to a nice house farther away from the city but close enough to get supplies but far away enough that they are effectively lost to anyone else, they would keep Scratch, Astarion and Tav would enjoy each other’s intimacy until birth where they will have a beautiful baby, Tav will heal and then he would get to make love to Tav all the time until she finds out she is carrying his child. They would have friends come and visit, and it would be a boring life, but it would be HIS life. Maybe after she decides when the last child would be (because he will never get tired of filling her to get her pregnant) and they are better in age, they could all go as a family on adventures. A family of vampires should scare the piss out of any bandit! He was so lost in thought that he found he was teasing his wife

He was above her pubic bone and just kissing around and avoiding anything else. Her hips were grinding at this point, and Astarion had to hold her hips. “I’m sorry my sweet, I guess I got carried away. Let me make it up to you. Spread your legs a little wider and let my tongue make you scream tonight.” Astarion looked at Tav a moment and in all seriousness said. “I love you. You’re my true mate, and I can’t believe I found you. I love you.” Tav didn’t have time to understand the comment because, in one fell swoop, Astarion dove his head into her sweet space and reduced Tav to a whimpering mess. He held her legs apart and worked her clit with such force and was targeting her nerves, so personally, she couldn’t think or speak. His breathing came out as pants, and he didn’t neglect her entrance as he pushed his face into her deeply to drink her juices.

“You taste fucking delicious,” Astarion said huskily, “I want to taste your come.”

At this point, the fog in her head had dissipated enough for Tav to question him “Wait… I thought only men do that!”

Astarion chuckled, “I’ve lived long enough to tell you, my love, that some women do, in fact, ejaculate. Not all, but some. What do you say we find out which category you are in together?”

Tav threw her head back because he began resuming his onslaught to her senses, but inside, she felt bad. He knew all this information because of all the women he fucked. He knew how to rock her world while going down on her only because he trained on at least five hundred cunts before. It killed her inside and she knew his past from the start. She couldn’t change the past but it still fucking hurt. She thought she would be okay with it all, but with his past coming back the way it has it just affected her in a way she didn’t expect, and so for that, she thought she didn’t deserve this wonderful man. So… soon… very soon the pain will stop.

Astarion pulled his hand away from her thigh and began stimulating her to get her to climax, which was not far off. She started hearing her husband moan deeply and breathe hard like the times she serviced him while he took care of her needs. Tav was a little confused, but her thoughts were interrupted by a world-shattering orgasm. She heard her husband grunt and cry out and looked down as he pulled away. This was unlike him because usually, he sucked Tav off through her orgasm, not stop, so she felt something was off. Astarion gripped her and the sheets and held his head back as he cried out.

“Are you okay!? What’s wrong?” Tav asked and pleaded. She was worried about him.

Astarion was confused and got on all fours to show himself and his wife his half-hard cock on its way to being limp, but the sight that astounded both of them was what was below him. Astarion ejaculated onto the bed without being touched. There was come attached to his cock from the bed.

“What the fuck just happened? I… I never had that happen before. I never touched myself! I swear!” Astarion grabbed himself to look at himself but found nothing amiss while, against his wishes Tav got items to help clean her husband up and she was going to do something about the bed, but Astarion grabbed her, laid her down on another part of the bed, and spread her legs.

“We’ll have housekeeping take care of that mess. Right now, I want to taste your come as I said, and then we can get ready to kill Sebastian.”

Astarion dipped his head back down and she could feel his tongue deep inside her cleft. He was lapping at something and although she had already come, this was incredibly erotic and sensual. She heard him moan again, and she was incredibly embarrassed about what he may be moaning at. Soon he pulled his head back while licking his lips and sporting a smirk.

“Guess what category you fall under, my love,” Astarion whispered in Tav’s ear. “I could drink you for days.” Tav blushed at Astarion’s sultry comment. He let go of her thighs and helped her sit up and to her feet before they set off to their tasks. He smacked her ass playfully as they went about them.

Astarion asked Tav to write a convincing note to get Sebastian to the cave while he gathered the items. Tav wrote the note, but she also grabbed a few separate pieces of paper to write a note for her husband for after her work tonight. So, he could have closure. She wrote a bit and folded it a few times. She put Astarion’s name on the note and hid it for now. She handed him the excuse note and he smiled.

“This will work perfectly. Now, unless you want Sebastian, my sisters, and our friends to watch us having sex, you may want to get dressed.” Astarion ghosted his hands over her breasts, making her shudder. In sated silence, Astarion and Tav got dressed and got on their armor and footwear. Astarion was going to leave the great sword, but Tav protested and strapped it to her back. He figured if everything went well, she wouldn’t need to fight, and if Sebastian tried to use the scroll on her, she might be too weak to wield the blade (Although when she placed it on her back, she did so flawlessly). He wouldn’t tell her out loud, but he found her as attractive in armor as he did in bed sheets.

After getting their gear, weapons, and everything else they would need. They were going to open the door to leave when a knock came. Curious, Astarion opened the door to find Gale and Shadowheart.

“Hey… um,” Gale took a breath and looked at Tav, “I am so sorry for how we spoke to you and about you. We… we were worried and expressed it the wrong way. Astarion was right. We apologize. If you would still have us on tonight's mission, we would love to accompany you both and protect you.”

Tav looked at Astarion and replied, “We do need the support. Thank you,” but she purposely didn’t talk or accept their apologies. Why did she suffer for months to be hurt further? She had to resolve the emotions in her before she could understand or accept anything. Her emotions were a mess and strong.

Astarion taped the note to the door, and they informed their companions not to worry, and that everything was part of the plan. They left and asked the innkeeper to resolve the bed sheets, and they had already sent their clothes down to be washed. Tav had written a will with her note giving most of her stuff to her husband as well. The will was attached to her note, also hidden well for when she decided to act on her plan.

Astarion wanted to carry Tav, but he was holding too much, so Gale held the other items while he held her tight. While carrying her to the docks area, Astarion could still hear the faint noise, a very faint thrum in his ears. He kept pushing it to the back of his mind, trying not to notice, but as the rounded the bend, Astarion stopped short. His breath hitched and his eyes widened. Tav looked up at Astarion, who now began holding her closely and tenderly. A single tear fell down his eye and a large smile on his face. He went to the railing on the docks edge on the second floor, and to confirm, he gingerly and softly, while trembling, placed his ear against his wife’s still flat stomach.

“Bum-Bump Bum Bump Bum-Bump”

Astarion began crying happy tears and hugging his wife so tenderly.

“I can hear the heartbeat! I can hear our baby!” Astarion exclaimed to his wife and inadvertently, Gale and Shadowheart.

Tav smiled and hugged Astarion but she couldn’t be happy. She was going to stop that heart in a few hours, but she couldn’t tell him that. He was so happy. Astarion kissed her so deeply, so loving and she went with it. She had to go with it. No one could know. He kept his hand on her belly and held her so tight, so content. Tav could see behind him that Gale and Shadowheart wore large smiles.

“Although I am happy honey, we have to get to the docks, or we will be late and will fail. Also, won’t Sebastian hear the baby?”

Astarion picked her up and resumed their journey as he held her sweetly, caressing her and kissing her cheek or neck, any skin he could get to.

“Don't worry about Sebastian hearing our child. Our baby has 3 protective aunts, our friends, and, of course, us to guard them.” Astarion murmured as he drew back from another kiss.

“I want to ravish you.” Astarion whispered in Tav’s ear.

“Don’t say those things. I’m about to literally go into a cave or den of vampires, and you’re gonna create a problem.” Tav whispered back exasperatedly.

“I don’t care. I…wait…” Astarion said as he noticed something. “Were you wanting before I started doing things to you?”

“No, why?” Tav answered, holding onto her husband as they descended the second level to end up near the foundry.

“You only had desire when I did…and earlier, my reaction when we were together…I reacted to what happened to you. I have a theory, but it is bit out there yet very plausible. In the meantime, let’s get this taken care of,” Astarion whispered in Tav’s ear as they entered the mouth of the cave. Astarion entered the back, and Gale started putting the items down to look like a bed for the facade that they were going through with the whims of the other vampire. Astarion gently put his wife down on the side where she would be most safe yet be in the coverage range.

“Here you go, brother,” Dal said and pointed down the tunnel. “As a sorry from me, I guess.”

Astarion looked down, and a deer carcass was lying there. “Freshly killed. Drink up so we can push it into the gorge. Then we can get into position.” Dal added.

Astarion smirked. “Thanks, I haven't had anything in a bit.” While Astarion went and drank his fill Shadowheart handed Tav another of those vile packets of protein and calories she needed. She glared at the cleric but took it and ate it all the same, putting the discarded contents on the side of her.

“There, everything is set up,” Gale said as they looked at the time. They got to their passageways just in case. Astarion was already feeling much better, the deer now gone and over the edge. As he was wiping the blood of the deer off him, he got on his knees on the blankets on the ground as a makeshift bed.

“Do I hear what I think I hear?” Dal asked excitedly.

“Yes. Now, he can be here any minute so please… places.” Astarion urged, worried this would all be ruined.

“Fine! But we will be talking about this when this is over!!” Dal teased.

Astarion now went over and spoke to his wife. He knelt down and gently kissed her. He pulled away to mutter. “Based on the lie we posted on the door; we need to be play fighting when he arrives. I’ll let you know when I can sense another vampire in the area, then the idea is, as you know, because you wrote it,” Astarion chuckled, “that you ran off here because you couldn’t stand the thought of me bedding another. I came to get you; we fight about it. You brought more than a bed roll to sleep in, as in some blankets and pillows, so I will argue we will use that to fuck in, and I will prevent you from running away. At this point, Sebastian would be in the room, and I will get up and close the metal gate. I will yell at you there is nowhere to go when, in reality, we just sealed him off. Then we reveal it is a farce, you retreat to the passage with Shadowheart and Gale in it and stay behind them if you can while we kill him. Sounds good?” Astarion explained loud enough so everyone could hear while asking his wife if the plan was what she was alright with.

Tav nodded slowly.

Astarion, within the same heartbeat, snapped his head up to look outside and then back at Tav.

“Showtime,” he murmurs before chastely kissing her and standing up.

Note: Warning that the next chapter will have a heavy theme and content. It will have an additional warning prior to the beginning of the fic. This fic will have a happy ending.

[snowyknight-17]

“Something a little different”.

A smut story written by me. Featuring Jake Evans and my sole Annie. 🧣💙

(Hint: Tit job)

Smut under the cut. Do not interact if a minor and/or you don’t like porn with feelings.

“Good morning people of the commonwealth. Hope you got some rest last night. I know I did. Nothing like having a belly full of spicy noodles and some late night poker fun with the folks at The Dugout…”

Jake kept his eyes closed as he listened to Travis rattle on with the morning news. Brotherhood’s been seen rummaging in city ruins, Minute Men were looking for settlers with gun skills, a bounty was placed on a deathclaw that roams city outskirts, Puplick Occurrence was at it again…

‘Nothin but the same’, Jake thought. He stretched lazily on Annie’s bed and reached over to switch his pipboy alarm off.

“Morning darlin.”

Nothing.

Jake reached over to her side of the bed and let his eyes adjust to the sunlight coming in through her window. She was not there.

Jake rubbed his eyes and yawned as he looked around her room. Annie’s side of the bed was not touched. “Darlin?…Annie? Ya here?”

But he was met with silence.

Jake went about his morning routine: morning pee, brushed his teeth, combed his hair even trimmed his beard. He thought for sure his Annie would waltz in, breakfast in hand. They’d share a coffee pot, talk about their plans for the day, maybe even get some shower lovin’ in before they go about their respective jobs.

But she didn’t.

And from the looks of it, Annie never came to bed last night.

‘Maybe she’s in the cafeteria…’

“Hey did Annie check in last night?”

Aiden looked up from his cross word and grabbed a clipboard that was attached to the wall via a chain. He scanned it with his good eye,

“Nope. She did not sign in. Ya lose her or something?”

Jake ran his hand through his hair, his calmness slowly slipping away,

“Of course not. Just she never came to bed last night. I’ve searched all over HQ. No one’s seen her.”

Aiden raised his eyebrow, “You two share a room now?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

Aiden shrugged, “I’m sure she’s fine. Did you check her stupid fire escape?”

“Yeah it was locked. She couldn’t have snuck in, slept by me, then snuck out before dawn without me hearing. That lock is pretty hefty, makes a deep sound when activated.”

“Did you try your two way pipboy? Try calling her?”

An itch started in between Jake’s shoulder blades. Why hadn’t he thought of that…?

With a sigh he raised his pipboy and dialed into their private frequency,

“Annabelle Aspen are you there? This is Jake. Over.”

He stared daggers at the screen, anything to keep from locking eyes with Aiden. Who he could guess had a look of ‘idiot’ across his face.

A solid minute went by. Jake could feel the sick starting to rise before absolute relief at hearing her voice,

“Wow. My full name. I musta done something real bad to piss you off.”

“Darlin! Gods you had me going. You alright? Over.”

*Static. And in the background was the voice of Codsworth.*

“Is that Mr. Evans mum? Do tell him my sincerest apologies for that laundry incident a few days ago.”

“Laundry incident? What’s that about? Over”

He could practically see Annie smile through the void as she answered,

“Oh nothing too crazy. Accidentally shrunk some of your shirts. Water got too hot. Anyway, you called me. What’s up? Over.”

Aiden was back at his puzzle, shaking his head and waving Jake away.

“It’s just you never came in like you said you was gonna and you never called. When I woke up you weren’t there. Just got a little worried is all. Over.”

“Hmm sorry about that hun. Last night the strangest thing happened. A hoard of ferals en route to the glowing sea, passed right by us. A glowing one leading the way. Like they knew where they were going. Not mindless shambling or chasing an animal; they moved silently. I stayed back and watched em disappear behind the sea’s green fog…Jake it was really weird and unsettling. I turned my pipboy offline, didn’t want to risk them spotting me from it going off. Over.”

“Damn. Gosh darlin I’m sorry about that,”

By now Aiden was by his side, leaning in

“This is Aiden. How many ferals Annie? Over.”

“I counted 23. But it was dark and they were not single file. Coulda been more. Over.“

“And they were heading southwest? Over.”

“More or less yeah. I saw them crossing the tracks by Egret. Like I said I saw them disappear in glowing sea outskirts. Codsworth, Dogmeat and I tried tracking where they came from. We followed their cadaver foot prints a ways but then it started to rain. We took shelter and only now made it back to Egret. Over.”

“I should let some of our HQ outposts that are out that way know. Don’t want em getting surprised if the hoard turns around.”

Jake nodded his agreement and watched as Aiden hoisted his rifle on his back and walked away.

A pack of that many ghouls could wipe out a smaller, unsuspecting settlement.

“Darlin why don’t you come home now where it’s safest. I don’t like the idea of you gone for too long at a time. Over.”

‘Please agree Annie…’

“Yeah I’m planning on being at HQ tonight. I’ll call you when I leave. Over and out.”

“Alright but be safe sweetheart. Over and out.”

Nearly 9 pm and she still hasn’t called. Jake has learned a few new things about his girlfriend.

1: She takes on too much at a time.

2: She forgets some of the things she takes on.

3: Always runs a little late.

‘She’ll call. She always do-‘

*Pipboy static*

“Hey darlin’. Starting to think you forgot about me.”

“Hmmm never. I can see HQ from where I’m standing. Be there real soon.”

“Oh I can’t wait to see ya. Been too long since I kissed you.”

“I was hoping to do more than kissing…”

Jake cleared his throat, getting the excitement out of his voice. Don’t wanna sound too desperate.

“Well that’ll be fine. Been a while since we’ve done that too.” 11 days infact. But don’t wanna shoot the bird before it has a chance to land and all that…

His voice was low, secretive. Last week was a blur of activity. Building an army was no small task and their crazy schedules were leaving them with no gas left in the tanks. They both just plop down in bed, falling asleep before a shred of clothing can come off.

“It has been awhile Mr. Evans… tell me what you’re thinkin so you don’t have to do so much poking and prodding by the time I get to our bed.”

What was this woman tryna do? Jake could feel his pants tighten and the back of his neck tingle. “Eh hem, well why don’t you scurry on over here and I’ll show ya.”

Annie laughed into her mic, “N uh. You have to tell me at least one thing. One thing you want to do to me before I get there.”

‘Oh my goodness. She really was trying to kill him.’

Jake breathed out harder than he meant, could tell his face was red. How did she have such a grip on him?

“Well, um, uh…”

Annie could hear him stammer. His accent thickening. Come on. Don’t be mean to him…

“Well I’ll start. Give you some ideas.

Gonna kiss you all over. Not gonna let you undo your belt until you’re about to pop. Push you on my big, soft bed and straddle your waist with my thighs. I’m gonna keep kissing you, let your bulge rub against me till it’s too much and you start begging to take your pants off. I’m gonna run my hands all over you, rub you down…”

“Annie Annie Annie, this is too much.” Jake chuckled, “Just get here so I can see you. I’m begging ya. Not gonna last at this rate.”

10 more minutes went by. Jake sat on the edge of her bed. Cock throbbing in his pants. He felt silly. But too horny at the same time to care or think straight.

11 days since his last release.

11 days since he held his lover.

11 days since they both filled her little bedroom with steamy moans and lusty sighs. Sweaty skin on skin, exploring each other. She was something else. Fun, bouncy, eager, adventurous…

No part of him was off limits. She loved him every where. And Jake adored every inch of her.

*Shuffling outside her door. Annie telling Codsworth to take Dogmeat to Lupe’s room.*

“As you say mum. Shall I prepare a couples breakfast for you and Mr. Evans for the marrow?”

“Sure fine. Just don’t barge in like you did last time. I promise we’ll come out of my room on time for morning briefing.”

“Right then! Goodnight mum.”

Annie didn’t respond. Just burst opened her bedroom door and closed it before the robot had a chance to get in and clean.

She stayed on her door for a few seconds before turning around, she looked flush and pink.

“Hi there partner.”

Jake was up and by her with slow steps. This night needs to last. He cupped her face and kissed her deeply. Annie moaned into his touch, grabbed on to his vest and kissed back.

Eyes closed, tongue on tongue. Not a crack of air between them. God he needed this. Needed her, and by the way her hands were roaming, she needed it too.

They separated, needing to breathe. Arms wrapped around each other,

“Is that a laser pistol in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” Annie spoke through a smile and kissed his jaw as Jake answered,

“I’m really happy to see ya darlin.”

“Mmmm I missed you.” Both their hands were getting heavy. Undoing buttons, getting under clothing in search of skin. Hot kisses resumed, and Jake could feel himself being backed up. His head was swimming. Thoughts felt thick. He had just enough common sense to get around her desk and get back to the bed.

“Mmh Annie I can barely think straight…”

“That’s ok baby. I can take care of you.” Her voice was low and sexy. She gently shoved him down so he was sitting on the edge of her bed. She had his vest and scarf off in fluid movements. His shirt unbuttoned down to his navel. Nails ran through his chest hair and she pinched his nipples before grazing down his abdomen.

Jake’s eyes were starting to glaze over. He watched with blurred vision as she started to undress. Her leather armor was first, followed by her jacket. She kicked off her boots and shook her hair out. Was she being slow on purpose? He moaned as he laid back, loosening his belt. But before he could get it out, Annie was on her knees. Hands groping his hardness and thighs.

“Oh I missed you.” With skill she had his length out on display. She gave it experimental tugs, up and down, up and down. Such love and tenderness, being kind to his needs and not wanting to rush the evening.

But it was too much.

Slower. Needs to be slower or he ain’t gonna last.

Jake was pulsing. Electricity running through all his limbs. Annie had this effect on him.

“Take your top off. I need to see ya.”

Annie smiled and stood. Top going over her shoulders and tossed to the other side of her room. Jake couldn’t suppress his grunt as he watched her breasts bounce with freedom. She really did have a perfect pair. Smooth, soft, full…

Jake sat up on his elbows, wanting to get closer to her chest. But she pushed him back down.

“Easy sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.”

They both stilled, breathing heavy. Annie continued to work his pants off. Then in one quick motion, she put his whole shaft down her throat. Nose to pelvis.

“Oh shit.” Jake couldn’t believe the instant warmth her mouth gave to his cock. He had to hold himself back from bucking his hips, the pleasure was too incredible. She sucked him a few more times, before popping it out of her mouth, a trail of saliva attached to her lips.

“I have an idea honey,” Annie was getting taller on her knees and rubbing her tits on his red erection. Jake could barely handle what she did next.

“You’re ready to burst as it is and won’t last more than a minute if I start riding you,” she propped her breasts up and began rubbing them up and down. A tit job. Jake began to protest.

“I admit I’ll have to take care of you in 15 minutes after this round, but you don’t have to do that. Surely you get nothing out of it. That ain’t fair.”

She was still using her breasts to rub Jake off, her speed slow and long. “You must not know how sensitive a woman’s tits can get. Trust me. I get pleasure from this. Now lay back.”

Jake smiled and did as he was told. But he couldn’t help watching her. He’s never had this done to him before and it really was something else. She worked him up and down with her whole body moving as well. Her speed picked up and Jake didn’t even care he was starting to pant like a dog. It just kept getting better with every pulse.

The room was filling with both their sounds of pleasure, skin on skin, moans and whispered cursing. Jake was on his elbows now, feeling the build continue to rise, “Darlin I’m not gonna…mmfff…fuck this is perfect.”

He couldn’t believe it but she picked up her pace even more. Panting as hard as he was. “God my tits feel incredible. I’m so fucking wet for you. I need you to cum, so I have something to rub on my clit.”

And that was it.

Jake couldn’t hold back his “oh’s” if his life depended on it. White ribbons of hot seed came and shot all over her neck and chest. She never started to slow her pace until Jake made faces of being overly sensitive, “slow down Darlin slow down…”

They both were breathing hard, Jake from release and Annie from working him over. He looked over to her and saw the mess he made. She was rubbing it in her skin and tugging her nipples. She looked pleased with herself.

In liquid motion, she was by his side. Curled up next to him. Warm breath against his exposed chest, “You feel a little better partner?”

He pulled her closer, “Better but once is not enough. Gonna have to be real thorough when it’s my turn to show you how I feel.”

“Hmmm that sounds nice.” They laid like that for a little bit. Jake’s legs hanging off the bed, pants halfway on still, Annie topless snuggled against him. She started kissing his neck. Thick, pleasured kisses. He laid there post sex feeling lighter then he has in days.

[firetrucks-fastcars]

Tagged by @chaotictarlos

Rules: Post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to ao3. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics.

My Bloody Valentine

“Well that was eventful,” Carlos said as he slid the loft door shut behind them, clicking the lock into place. 

“That’s an understatement babe,” TK chuckled, kicking off his shoes and moving into the living room. “I just wish we could have one normal date. I’m sorry our plans got ruined.”

“It’s not your fault baby. Why don’t you go grab a shower? I’m gonna set the alarm and then I’ll join you.”

TK looked down at himself and cringed. He’d been able to clean most of the blood off his hands and arms before leaving the restaurant, but his shirt looked like a lost cause. 

“At least it’s not my blood this time?”

Closed For Maintenance

TK fidgeted with a loose string in the bottom of his hoodie, wrapping it around his finger until his nail went white, before unraveling it and doing it again. He wasn’t sure what was eating at him. He knew better than to assume Carlos asking him to talk about something was bad news. Carlos wouldn’t spring something on him like that. Even so, when Carlos had uttered those three words over dinner, the food in TK’s mouth had turned to ash. He nodded wordlessly at his fiance and resigned himself to picking at his suddenly tasteless dinner until Carlos was finished. Now he was sitting across from him on the couch, torturing himself until Carlos spoke.

By My Side

“Carlos Reyes, I swear if you don’t sit your ass on that couch I’m calling your mother.”

“I’m not an invalid TK,” Carlos huffed. “I can get my own water.”

“I know you’re not honey,” TK soothed, setting the glass down on the coffee table and running a hand through Carlos’ dirty hair. He hadn’t had a chance to shower since the accident, having to settle for the quick sponge baths and dry shampoo given in the hospital. “But,” he continued. “You have a broken leg and two fractured ribs. You’re looking at a twelve-week recovery minimum. And that’s just for the leg. I know you hate it, but you’ve got to take it easy.”

“I am taking it easy,” he grumbled. “I’ve barely moved off the damn couch for two days.”

Unconventional Methods

TK didn’t know why he was awake. Typically there were only a few reasons he’d be awake at 3 am. He hadn’t had a nightmare, they’d been few and far between in recent months. There were ringing alarm bells or lingering smell of smoke in the air (thank God) and no early morning proposals to be made (the matching gold rings in the dish on their bathroom counter took care of that). He didn’t have to pee and no part of his body hurt, so there was no reason he shouldn’t have been dead to the world. 

I'll Be Cleaning Up Bottles With You (On New Year's Day)

Carlos wasn’t used to sleeping in. Even on days when he wasn’t working, he was up by sunrise to go for his run, stopping on the way home to pick up muffins and coffee for himself and TK to enjoy before his husband ran off to work or before they started on whatever responsibilities they had for the day. Today, however, when he rolled over to check his phone, he was appalled to find that it was almost noon.

There was a straightforward explanation for his laziness, New Year’s Eve. He and TK had invited over their friends to the loft for a party the night before. They’d kept it relaxed and fun, nothing vastly different from the other 126 hangs that happened at their house, aside from the presence of Judd, Grace, and Charlie. However, they’d stayed up well past midnight, and frankly, Carlos was too old for that shit.

The Holiday Season

“Buck, Buck! Dad! Wake up! It’s Christmas Eve, you gotta get up!”

“Wha-?”

Buck was barely awake enough to brace himself as Christopher clambered onto the bed, flopping down right in the center of Buck’s chest. Two small hands held his cheeks, and he leaned in to press their noses together as he spoke.

“Buck, get up.”

Buck slowly opened his eyes, going cross-eyed as he tried to focus on Chris. Eddie groaned next to him, rolling over and blinking blearily at them.

“Good, you’re up,” Christopher said, sitting up but not moving from his position on Buck’s chest. He said it as if he’d already forgotten that it was his commotion that had ripped them from their peaceful sleep.

The Set Up

He didn’t hate Austin nearly as much as he thought he would. It wasn’t even close to what he was used to. Everything was smaller than in New York, people were much closer, not in a physical way, but in an emotional one. They knew everything about each other and news traveled fast. Everyone in Austin proper had known about him and his dad before their plane even touched down. 

They’d known about his injury before they’d even met him. They’d expected the limp and the sour attitude that came along with a career-ending leg break. His dad’s new team had looked at them with pity for a few days, feeling somewhat guilty every time he went to the firehouse to visit or bring his dad lunch. That was until he started hanging around and kicking their asses at foosball and video games, which earned him a little respect, the amount of which grew every day, until they were friends. 

Christmas Tree Farm

Winter in Austin was a different kind of cold. TK was used to snow and ice, all of the things that came with winter in the North. This was a different kind of cold. This cold seeped through his layers of a hoodie and coat, chilling him to the bone. He pressed a little closer to Carlos, wrapping his chilled hands around his bicep as they walked through the Christmas market set up downtown. 

“Are you cold babe?” Carlos asked.

“A little,” TK admitted, breath clouding around his face as he spoke. 

“I’m getting you a better jacket for Christmas. I don’t like you being cold.”

“I don’t like it either.”

“We can go home if you want. We can do this on a day that’s less cold.”

“Nope. We promised Noah we’d have a Christmas tree when we got home and I will not disappoint him.”

Hot Chocolate Weather

“I’m not liking the way this looks,” Carlos grumbled, stepping away from the window where he’d been peeking out at the storm. The plastic blinds crackled when he released them and TK pushed down the urge to fuss about him bending the pieces. It was a pet peeve he'd never been able to get over after years of being scolded for peering through the blinds of rented apartments in the same fashion. As if sensing his frustration, Carlos gently adjusted the bent piece before drawing the curtains over the window. Out of sight, out of mind. 

“Do you think it’s gonna get bad? Judd was saying something about tornado weather.”

TK really hated storms. They weren’t an anomaly in New York but something about the humidity of the South and the potential for tornadoes made it worse. Plus past experiences with storms, rain, ice, dust, or otherwise, he was understandably wary of weather that wasn’t sunny and blue skies. 

Paper Rings (Buddie's Version)

It started as a joke really. Buck wasn’t sure where he’d gotten the notion, maybe from that stupidly catchy Taylor Swift song May had been so insistent on playing all summer. Something about it had wormed its way into a small corner of his brain and he couldn’t shake the words.

I’d marry you with paper rings

He’d thought about marrying Eddie. Of course, he had. A small part of him felt he and Eddie had been married for years, had been married since they’d stopped posturing over a man with a grenade in his leg and became some semblance of friends. Since Eddie had looked him in the eyes, stupidly large hand on his shoulder and ridiculously soulful brown eyes filled with so much sincerity and concern, and said “There is no one in this world I trust with my son more than you.” He’d thought about it more recently, as they crossed the threshold over one year of dating. He thought about the pages of bookmarked rings he was hiding from Eddie on his laptop. He was months away from clicking the button to buy one, they had time, but he wanted it more than anything. 

Tagging: anyone who wants to :)

[anajonessy]

I have three siblings who are all ten to thirteen years older than me, and they all went to boarding school. Because of the age gap, my siblings and I didn't really grow up together, and I spent a lot of time by myself. I also didn’t have a great relationship with my mom, so when I was younger–even though I’d developed a strong sense of social independence, I always said that being around people was the best thing in the world.

I moved out of my family home soon after I turned eighteen or nineteen and since then, I’ve lived with a bunch of people, and I was constantly surrounded by friends and friends of friends, and total strangers. Everyone was in such close proximity–I went from feeling like an outsider to feeling like a social person, and then back again–and I was ok with that. I think I might’ve even equated it to being happy that I’d get anxious after spending even a little time by myself. I felt so restless and miserable, mostly because of the feeling of loneliness that consumed me.

For years it didn't occur to me that, as with most things, my discomfort with being alone might be a sign that I am not meeting my emotional needs.

Fast forward to a little over a year ago, I moved to the outskirts of town and because of that, I don’t really go out as often anymore unless it’s for work. And then, of course, the pandemic happened–I had to quit my job and after getting the curse, I started spending more and more time by myself and that has led to some great things… and some really terrible things, like, it hasn’t particularly been great for my mental health (or rather, lack thereof lol).

But that moment in self-isolation had me thinking about how much I rely on other people to make myself feel ok, and also how incredibly liberating it is to lose the unrealistic expectations put on me to be ‘happy’ and ‘productive’ all the time. I’m an adult and it really sucks that I am so late to the self-realization party haha, but wow, it feels good to finally allow myself to feel what I feel when I feel it.

So these days whenever I feel irrationally upset about anything (or nothing at all!), instead of simply shelving it and focusing on everyone and everything else that is going on, I take a step back, breathe and think about the ways I can create and hold space for myself. Sometimes that means staying in bed longer, reading, trying out a new recipe, listening to a podcast, working on a project, putting my phone on ghost mode, or taking myself out for walks… just doing whatever it is that makes me feel comfortable and content. Other times it’s sitting with myself staring into blank space, or crying (for like, an hour… or more?!?!?!!!!) and feeling so much better afterward.

Anyways, it’s 7:30AM and I just woke up to pee. I’ve got about an hour to journal and relax in bed before I need to get up, make myself breakfast, hit the shower, then head out to see my psychiatrist and counselor. It’s going to be a good day to hang out with myself today.

If you’re reading this, I hope you can find time to hang out with yourself today too. Enjoy yourself. Give yourself advice on life, love, work, and more. Tickle your scalp. Take yourself out on a date. Indulge in self-pleasure. Laugh at your own jokes. Go have fun!

[rhazimpulsivelyposts]

I normally have super vivid dreams, but they are hardly ever about me. Most of the time my dreams are like watching a movie about people I don’t know but from their perspective, like Hardcore Henry. The scary thing is, is that the brain doesn’t make up faces I don’t think? So it has to be re-using random faces I’ve seen throughout my life?

When I go to sleep I can lucid dream, and it’s how I get myself to fall asleep so fast and I’m almost any position, but once I’m asleep my brain takes over and shit gets weird and scary. Before medication like 80% of my dreams were like watching a horror movie about someone else. Which is why I like horror and suspense movies so much I think? Processing? They aren’t always graphic, it’s more like someone doing mundane shit with boss music playing . But they are so vivid that when someone wakes me up it freaks me out.

So many times partners or friends will wake me up and I will wake up gasping for hair and freaking out like “where am I?!” My dad got so freaked out by this that he started waking me up by poking one of my arms and whispering “wake up” which is ….kinda creepy honestly and didn’t help.

Sometimes I’m a heavy sleeper and loud sounds do nothing, but a lot of the time the smallest out of place sound or a light shining into my face will wake me up, but I can just fall back asleep almost immediately because of lucid dreaming.

When I do have dreams about myself, they are those typical ones you can look up online like “why were all my teeth falling out” . That dream was fcking crazy because I could FEEL the teeth in my mouth, like biting down on teeth that had fallen out ? Like I could feel teeth that fell out on my tongue. Ew why did my brain subject me to that feeling, how do we even know what that would feel like to recreate it?

I think the scariest is sleep paralysis ? Combined with my brain lying to me? When I was really young, like baby age but had my own bed not a crib, I would wet the bed. And it wasn’t out of fear or bad dreams it would be because my brain and sleep paralysis would be lying to me. -> so I’d feel like I had to pee, wake up visually I can see everything in my room , walk to the bathroom I can see everything in the hallway to the bathroom and in the bathroom, use the toilet , and then ooops mike of that was real and you peed actually in your bed fun. I was still a baby child so I think that happened to children and it isn’t as gross compared if it happened like now or in my teens lmao so I’ma tell that story no fcks.

Sleep paralysis now when I get it is scary and annoying. I can nap anywhere, in any position , I can fall asleep. Before my medication every day tasks like work or going to trade school would drain so much of my energy that I would nap. In break rooms. So in public but not completely public? This one time I was napping head down on a table at my trade school and I set an alarm to wake me up. My brain though mimicd the alarm early, I got up and went to the vending machine and poof nope back sleeping at the the table. It freaked me out but once it happens once now I know that means I’m not actually awake. So I kept trying to tell myself to wake up now because this is scary and bro I could barely open my eyes and SEE the vending machine from where my head way laying. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t open my eyes fully but I knew I was sleeping and couldn’t wake myself up. That shit was so scary I felt like k was screaming at myself to wake up and no sound came out, I woke up when my alarm buzzed in my hand. All my alarms are vibrate only, no sound. Because I never wanted to annoy people I lived with or people around me in public. I wake up to the vibrations and I did wake up to that . Why did my brain lie to me about the alarm going off and me not being able to get up like 3 minutes before the alarm actually went off?

Why are my dreams sooooo vivid. I have that thing where if someone says imagine an apple I can see it in full colour and taste it and I can hear the sound it makes when I bite it. It makes my dreams scary realistic. I can FEEL them. I shouldn’t be able to feel teeth in my mouth or phone vibrations that aren’t there.