#I’m on month two of my surgery rotation and last month was honestly not bad

[asokatanos]

Love being home for all of three waking hours and setting my 4:20am alarms so I can get snarked at in the hospital before sunrise 🙃

[dc41896]

POV

So I’ve been wanting to write something based on the song pov by Ariana Grande and then a certain someone decided to attack my heart strings yet again playing the piano so this is an idea I thought of lol. Also this is a sequel to Between the Lines.

Pairing: Chris EvansxBlack Reader

⚠️: None, all fluff! (Well maybe a teensy amount of sad times because of the lyrics)

“There she is,” Chris smiles entering the small make shift studio holding two steaming mugs. Joining your bundled form on the grey loveseat, he hands one to you before sweetly kissing your cheek and moving your legs to stretch across his lap. “So how’s my two-time Grammy nominated superstar doing?”

That’s pretty much all he called you now, besides his usual baby and honey, ever since the list of nominations were announced a couple months ago. Every time the words left his mouth, you found yourself giddily smiling and feeling as if you were in a dream you were bound to wake up from any moment.

Like other artists, winning a Grammy was always one of your ultimate goals and now that there was a possibility you could take home not one but two, you felt immense pride and excitement that your hard work was paying off. This excitement soon turned into stress though with the added preparations you needed to complete as the big day quickly approached. Since you were also performing, you and your team had been busy thinking of what the perfect song choice would be as well as concepts that would match.

So far everything was perfect until your pianist had an unfortunate accident requiring him to have surgery on his wrist. Now you were even more stressed wondering if there were any other people you knew that could fill in.

“A little overwhelmed honestly,” you sigh placing your phone down before noticing what exactly was in your mug. “How did you know I was craving cocoa?”

“Well knowing how stressed you’ve been lately, I figured you’d want some since that’s when you crave it most.”

“Aww thank you baby,” you smile leaning over to wipe his mini chocolate mustache before kissing his lips.

“Still looking for a piano player?”

“Yea but with it coming up so soon, we might just have to do the backup song which isn’t entirely a bad thing, but then I’d have to think of a totally new concept, outfit, then we have to rehearse, I’d have to tell the producers at the show we changed it-,”

“Hey let’s take a break from that okay?,” he speaks trying to calm your rambling and very apparent nerves. Taking your hand, he pulls you closer to sit on his lap guiding your head to fall on his shoulder. “I know things aren’t going how you want, but everything will work out. You’re gonna have an amazing performance that people are gonna talk about for the rest of the year, and no matter what, me, your family, friends, and fans will be so proud of you.” Bringing your hand to his lips, he peppers kisses along your knuckles and fingertips making you smile as you snuggle closer to his neck.

“Thank you.”

“No problem, you know I’m always here.”

Soothingly rubbing circles in your back the way you loved for him to do, you nearly let the vibrations from his humming lull you to sleep before an idea makes you sit up, staring at him now confused.

“Honey? You okay?”

“Yea...yea I just thought of something. What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You play piano for me! I mean you know the song you’ve heard it plenty of times, heck you even helped with the melody. Then that way nothing has to get changed!,” you excitedly answer holding onto his shoulders.

“Yea all of that is true, and I’d love to help but are you sure? Y/N that’s your night, I don’t want anybody trying to say I’m somehow tied into your success when that’s not true.”

“Chris, you and I both know people are gonna talk no matter what, and as long as I’m with you sadly someone’s gonna think that and try to spread it everywhere. But I don’t care what anyone says, and you shouldn’t either,” you smile moving your hands to rest on his partially bearded cheeks. “Like you said it’s my night and sharing it with the man I love will make it even more special. Especially if he’ll be right beside me the whole time.”

“Whether I was physically on that stage with you or not, you know I’m always beside you.”

Closing the gap between you, his lips capture yours in a quick yet passionate exchange before he rests his forehead against yours.

“Now if you win, does that mean my name goes on it too? I mean as you said I helped with the melody and I am providing my services,” he states as you both laugh holding onto each other.

“I don’t know about the name inscription, but we can work that out later,” you answer.

———

“Alright five minutes guys!,” Gina announces fluffing your curls one last time. Noticing your infamous lip bite as your knee rapidly bounces, Chris places both hands on your knee quickly kissing your cheek before being swatted away by your best friend giving you a much needed laugh. “Hey relax, no smudging the makeup until after they say cut.”

“Two minutes!,” a voice yells as you try your best to breathe.

“You got this alright? You’re gonna do great!” Giving you a quick hug, she disappears behind the cameras and soon you hear the cheery presenter in your ear as she begins introducing your performance.

“Alright now I’m not trying to be biased, but this next performer is one of my favorites! She’s been killing it this year with the release of her highly anticipated debut album which led to her two Grammy noms tonight. Performing from her personal studio, here’s Y/N.”

The piano softly plays in the background as the camera focuses on you perched on a wooden bar stool. Pulling the sleeves of your pullover sweater over your hands, you take a quick deep breath as your cue to start approaches.

It's like you got superpowers

Turn my minutes into hours

You got more than 20/20, babe

Made of glass, the way you see through me

You know me better than I do

Can't seem to keep nothing from you

How you touch my soul from the outside

Permeate my ego and my pride

I wanna love me

The way that you love me

Ooh, for all of my pretty and all of my ugly too

I'd love to see me from your point of view

I wanna trust me

The way that you trust me

Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do

I'd love to see me from your point of view

Glancing over at Chris in his backwards cap, grey tank, and sweats a small smile forms on your lips watching his fingers delicately press against each key. He could feel your eyes as he looked up with a smile himself winking at you and making you innocently giggle.

I'm gеtting used to receiving

Still gеtting good at not leaving

I'ma love you even though I'm scared

Learnin' to be grateful for myself

You love my lips 'cause they say the

Things we've always been afraid of

I can feel it startin' to subside

Learnin' to believe in what is mine

I wanna love me

The way that you love me

Ooh, for all of my pretty and all of my ugly too

I'd love to see me from your point of view

I wanna trust me

The way that you trust me

Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do

I'd love to see me from your point of view

Standing from your seat, you slowly make your way beside him on the bench resting your head on his shoulder while the camera pans around to catch your cute exchange.

I couldn't believe it or see it for myself

Know I be impatient

But now I'm out here, fallin', fallin'

Frozen, slowly thawing, got me right

I won't keep you waitin', waitin'

All my baggage fadin' safely

And if my eyes deceive me

Won't let them stray too far away

I wanna love me

The way that you love me

Ooh, for all of my pretty and all of my ugly too

I'd love to see me from your point of view

I wanna trust me, ooh

The way that you trust me, baby

'Cause nobody ever loved me like you do

I'd love to see me from your point of view

As he plays his last few notes, your arms gently wrap around his bicep and your chin rests on his shoulder before you peck the corner of his mouth. His lips twitch into that adorable smile you love so much after mouthing “I love you” and all those around cheer with claps and whistles.

“You did amazing honey,” he whispers cupping your cheek with his warm hand.

“Thank you, and you too Mozart.”

“Nope, we’re not making that a thing. We both know I literally could never,” he replies making you both laugh before being startled by Gina’s squeals.

“Girl you won best new artist!”

“Wait what?”

“You won! They just told me so you can go ahead and make your acceptance speech! They’ll play it when the category comes up.”

You have to be nudged by a chuckling Chris being in such a state of shock. Oh course you hoped and wished you’d win, but you didn’t expect it to actually happen. Returning to your barstool, you try to collect yourself as the signal is given that the camera was rolling.

“Wow, um hi everybody! I honestly didn’t think this would happen,” you nervously laugh. “Um first off thank you mom and dad for your support even though I was probably really annoying singing all over the house all hours of the day. Thank you to the fans, of course, for your support as well from streaming to buying my music and all the other ways you guys have been so amazing to me. I may not be able to respond to every single post, tweet, or DM but I see you guys and from the bottom of my heart I truly thank every single one of you. My friends and my team, I love y’all so much and appreciate all that you guys do to help and keep me sane.”

“And to the one who inspired the song that helped me get this award,” you sigh peering past the camera to see a glossy eyed Chris leaning against the wall. “Thank you for being exactly what I need when I need it, whether it’s a cuddle buddy, a partner in crime for late night food runs, or a friend to remind me to love myself when I’m doing the opposite. I love you and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Rotating the silver band on your ring finger, you hold up your hand with a shy smile to reveal a sparkling princess cut diamond making everyone around beam with excitement, and surely those who would be watching at home.

Taglist: @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicanawrites @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @maxcullen @literaturefeen @damnitaa @curlyhairclub @plokyu23 @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy @scoop93535 @secretmysteriousperson

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for, or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

[pagingevilspawn]

Loving You Is A Losing Game- chapter four

hii! okay, before this chapter begins, i wanna say i’m actually pretty proud of it? idk why, but i am. and also, this book probably won’t be updated for about 2-4 weeks. 

i really wanted to focus this past week on writing, but i had finals to study for and everything so it took up a lot of time (i say as i watch criminal minds) but yeah, i’m hoping to get a lot of writing done in the next two weeks since today was my last day of school. yay! 

without further ado, chapter four of loving you is a losing game! 

~*~

"i'm afraid of what i am, my mind feels like a foreign land"

~*~

alex walked with robbins down the hallway, the blonde reciting her speech for the third time that day, looking to the resident for approval, her eyes silently asking him for any feedback he might have. she wasn't normally nervous about these kinds of things, but she felt that the fact that she was speaking to med students held a greater responsibility. these students were the future of medicine. they hadn't experienced the loss of a patient yet, or the crying sobs of parents when they had to be told that their child didn't make it.

the med students were... bright and shiny. they saw everybody in a higher place in their careers as practical gods. so, while she still had the chance, she wanted to root into all of these young minds that no matter what anyone said, peds was hardcore. it wasn't 'babysitting' like she had heard so many of the residents and interns call it.

peds was undoubtedly the hardest specialty. maybe not skill wise, but definitely emotionally. only the people with grit could survive peds. they worked on kids. maybe that meant that there was an everlasting sea of hope surrounding the patients, where they still were able to believe that the magic the doctors gave them could make them better.

but, it was known for a fact that losing a kid was worse than losing any grown adult.

a young life, taken from the word much too soon. it was cruel. so, so cruel. what had this young person done to have its life taken away? what about all the horrible people in the world who walked around free, living their lives? the rapists, the killers... why did they get to still be on the earth while a tiny human wasn't. it was messed up.

but that's why peds was tough.

because, while losing a kid was probably the worst feeling for a surgeon to go through, a success was so much more appreciated when it was one. the fact that they saved a person who had barely even got to live their life yet was the reason why arizona became a pediatric surgeon. because of what she was able to do, this person would get to grow up, fall in love, make bad choices, do things they knew for a fact they would regret later on. and that was truly all she could really ask for.

she was starting to see it in alex too, the peds glow. she didn't want to admit it out loud, for she knew that he would let the cocky part of him show and give her a well thought out retort. but lately, she'd been watching him, realizing that he was indeed serious about peds, that it wasn't just a lame middle school dare that he arranged with his fellow residents.

she saw the way his face would light up when a kid would say 'dr. alex!' so excitedly as he entered a room. she watched how he would spend time getting to know his patients, so that way they would have something to talk about later on if it was necessary. she was starting to see that maybe, just maybe, alex would make a fine peds surgeon.

"so..." she trails off, looking at the man expectantly, not missing the way he looked distracted as he kept his gaze on his feet.

he looks up, giving her a reassuring nod. "it's great robbins." he said sincerely, making her let out a relieved breath. she knew how honest karev could be, it was both a strength and a fault. he always told things as they were and didn't sugarcoat anything. if he thought something was crappy, he would literally tell you, "it's crappy," and that was something she appreciated.

she casts a worrying glance over him, his head hung low as the look in his eyes seemed to show that he was somewhere else. "you okay?" she asks.

he nods, snapping back to reality "yeah. just thinking."

"well, you know what you need to do right? you're like my assistant alex. click the computer's button when i need the next slide, interject when i ask you to..." she trails off, praying that he wouldn't mess this up.

alex gives her a signature glare, a bit offended that the blonde was doubting his abilities. "of course i can. a twelve year old could do it." he retorts.

she gives in, "fine." she walks down the hall faster, not even waiting for the man to catch up to her before she enters through the auditorium's doors, settling in the wings backstage.

it was a few minutes later when arizona is introduced, him trailing behind her like an obedient little puppy as she stands by the podium and microphone.

"hi everyone! i'm dr. arizona robbins from seattle grace hospital," she starts in a chipper voice, already managing to wake up most of the somehow tired students. "and this," says, pointing over to the man at her right, "is my mentee, dr. alex karev."

the man grins at the words, a sense of pride coming over him. the blonde and never used that term on him before and he wasn't going to lie, he really liked the sound of it.

"alex?" she nods towards him, telling him to introduce himself. he makes his way up to the mic, adjusting it slightly so it would reach him better, since the blonde was much shorter than him.

he takes a breath, trying to calm the nerves building in his stomach. he'd always been too cocky and arrogant for his own good, though it was all just an act. talking in front of all these wide eyed med students was honestly a bit terrifying. he pulls himself together quickly, mustering up one of his famous smirks as he looks into the crowd. "hey, i'm  dr. alex karev, third year surgical resident at seattle grace, interested in pediatrics. i train under dr. robbins." he explains (incredibly) lamely, but was glad it seemed to be enough, since all the students looked satisfied with his answer.

arizona takes the mic again, starting a speech that he had heard a few times by now, but it had never failed to give his heart another strong tug towards specializing in pediatrics. "peds is hardcore." she starts, using the phrase he had heard so many times in the last three months. "don't let anyone tell you otherwise." she smiles, looking back towards alex with a knowing look in her eyes.

"to most of the people in this room, when you think of peds, you think of kids with runny noses and cuts on their forehead because they fell off the slide at the park. am i right?" she asks, making most of the students in the audience nod.

"you see yourselves as being babysitters, babysitters for tiny humans. well let me tell you, you can't be further from the truth."

"in peds, we save the lives of children. we help kids grow up, achieve their dreams. sure along the way there's the added bits of magic and joy, but it's not always sunshine and rainbows." she says, not missing how some students look down guiltily. "some people immediately want to go into peds when they start their internship. they think that working with cute little kids would be so amazing and working with them would be a breeze, well, they're wrong.

"peds is only for the hardcore. the elites. many people aren't strong enough for peds. some can't deal with losing kids as easily as they thought they could. losing kids takes a major toll on you. we ask ourselves all the time -when we see stuff in the news or online- what did these kids do to deserve the hand they got? they're just kids. why did they get shot the jerk of a man who lives next door?"

it was only the start of her speech -that had multiple parts-, but alex knew she already had everyone hooked.

"losing kids is something you never get over. don't think that losing a kid gets easier every time it happens. in fact, sometimes it's just worse. because you feel guilty. you feel guilty at the fact that you couldn't save this child. you feel guilty at the fact that you couldn't save their life..." she pauses for a second, looking over at alex, letting him know it was his turn to speak. "and now i'm going to hand it over to doctor karev." he was still a bit newer to the world of surgery, so he remembered better what it was like to be a med student than she did.

alex takes a breath, going over the speech in his head. "losing a kid is nothing like losing an adult." he starts

"some of you think that it's the same, some of you think that it's drastically different. but the only real similarity is that someone didn't make it."

he scanned the crowd, proud at the fact that the audience seemed entranced by what he was saying.

"the first kid i lost i was in my fourth month of my internship. i had been on my third peds rotation, but hadn't had a loss yet, which is a bit surprising." he lets the memories flood through him, reliving it, feeling that pain in his heart.

"i remember the day like it was yesterday. i had a couple of free minutes -a major rare as an intern- so i lied down on a gurney, and started eating a bag of chips. a few minutes later i got paged to the trauma bay. it was a three car pile- up freeway. the first ambulance unloaded a woman, emily smith, a thirty three year old female, the second, james smith, a thirty five year old male, and the third was the one i took with my attending, four year old melissa smith."

he bites his bottom lip, knowing he had to be in control in his emotions. even three years later it still affected him the same way it did that day.

"melissa was a little chatter box, talking my ear off as we rolled her into a trauma room. talked about her dog named fluffy, her favorite barbie movie, -princess and the pauper-, and even told me about her new toy horse 'shiny sparkles mchoof the third'. don't know where she got "the third" from but..." he trials off, earning some laughs from the audience.

he smiles his crooked grin, feeling a little bit more at ease. "melissa was strong. real strong. she had a broken arm and leg, not to mention, a lot of internal bleeding, and yet she only shed a couple tears. she was too excited to talk about fluffy and how she taught him how to roll over earlier that week."

"i thought melissa was gonna be okay. i thought 'she's talking, she's laughing, she'll make it'. i learned that day that you can't assume things." he says, glancing down towards the podium for a quick second.

"melissa didn't survive surgery. my attending had me break the news to the parents, which i found stupid because i was just the intern who was supposed to send them updates, but i did it anyways."

alex lets out a shuddering breath, the students in the seats sitting at the edge of them, feeling the hurt of the story as if they were there themselves.

"telling family member's that their brother or mom or dad or whatever didn't survive already sucks. but telling a parent that their kid... their child didn't make it? it's terrifying." it still hurt him to this day. these children were their flesh and blood, products of their love for one another, how do you just simply tell them that the person they loved most in this world was gone?

"melissa fought during surgery. she fought tooth and nail, but unfortunately, it just wasn't enough. but how are you supposed to tell that to a parent? it's hard, because as a part of peds, you need to be good with parents as well."

he inhales sharply through his nose, letting a thin breath through his nose. "the cries i heard from the parents that day made me want to quit." he tells the crowd honestly, making them widen their eyes. "i'd lost patients before that and it hurt like hell. but the day i told the smith's that we lost melissa... it seriously made me question my idea of being a surgeon."

"losing a child is something you never get over, whether you're a parent like the smith's, or just a doctor like me and dr. robbins, losing a kid is not something you aren't able to just move on from, even if -like i said- you're just their doctor."

his eyes glance over the crowd, surprised to see tears in a few of the student eyes. 'that's a bit weird', he thinks. "i wasn't lying when i said that i questioned my career as a surgeon after melissa. i was seriously considering quitting."

"but after a while of brooding, i decided that i wasn't going to quit. if anything, i was going to try my hardest to make sure that kids like melissa wouldn't have to go through the same thing, that's when i got interested in peds actually, but the attending i had at the time was..." he makes a face, trying to refrain himself was saying 'dick', "not my favorite. so, it wasn't until more recently when i got the opportunity to explore pediatrics again."

he sucks in a breath, "all of you guys right now look terrified." he says, speaking the truth, everyone in their seats looked like a cross between they'd just seen a ghost and someone told them their dog had died. "and you're probably wondering why the hell i just said thing that would make you want to do the exact opposite then go into peds." alex says, causing the crowd to nod.

he chuckles softly, "well, all of you guys should be upset, you should be terrified, because that's what peds is. you're terrified every second of every day. but only the best, like dr. robbins, are truly able to handle that kind of pressure."

alex cracks a small grin, " so long story short... if you're a wuss, don't go into peds."  the audience laughs and starts to clap as arizona makes her way back to the podium, going into the next part of her speech.

____

they can feel their eyes on each other, the fires in their stomachs growing from the stolen, forbidden glances. it was so wrong of them to be thinking about the night before. wrong to feel like it was what they had been waiting their whole lives for.

how he touched her...

how she touched him...

they way their bodies melded so perfectly together, like two puzzle pieces seemingly snapping into place.

somehow along the way they had inched closer to each other, going from opposite sides of the room to a mere ten feet away. she sipped her nearly full vodka tonic slowly, a large comparison to the night before.

he drank his beer smoothly, only on his first bottle and not even halfway through it.

before they knew it their eyes were communicating, what could only be described as lust, desire, and wanting burning so intensely in them they could set a man on fire.

she reads his dark brown orbs, not even needing to look into them long before she knows what he's thinking, and she knows her eyes are reading the same thing too.

they can feel the guilt through their stares. they were trying so hard not to, resisting so fiercely. tugging themselves away from the pull that was trying to bring them together. they tried to put last night behind them, convince themselves it wasn't as breathtaking as they remembered. they tried to push it into their brains, tucking into a small sealed box in the corner to never be seen again.

lust

passion

romance

they feel it oozing from their bodies, pouring out of single a stare, no matter how hard they try not to. they try to tear their eyes away from each other, oh i promise you, they try to peel their eyes away, they try not to think about it.

he doesn't try to think of her silky skin and the way it smelled like vanilla.

she doesn't try to think of  the vibration he sent through her body then he groaned into her mouth.

but they just do.

he can't help the way he thought of her lips and how they tasted like a cherry red lollipop.

she can't help the way she thought about how his lips tasted like spearmint gum... so fresh, so god damn sexy.

they knew that they couldn't, that they shouldn't.

but the heart wants what the heart wants. and their heart? all their hearts wanted was for them to let the waves of pleasure flow through their body again, which only came from each other, nobody else.

nobody has made him feel the way she did. not the countless number of nurses, interns, coworkers, and previous classmates. not even his own wife.

nobody had ever made her feel the way he did. not any previous ex-boyfriends, not a couple random hot-as-fuck one night stands. not even her own husband.

so, somehow, without even knowing it, they ended up where they were now, an abandoned hallway on the seventh floor where he was staying, lips locked in the fiery throes of passion.

gasps escaped her lips heavily as she feels a wave of ecstasy roll over her, even more so than the night before. turns out kissing each other was even better sober than drunk.  

he tries his hardest to keep his groans at bay, but the way her hands are roaming his chest, just barely skimming his pants, makes it more than difficult.

before they are about to step into the room she pulls back unexpectedly, giving him a perfect view of her red swollen lips and slightly disheveled hair. "we shouldn't" she whispers softly, her eyes telling a completely different story than the words coming out of her mouth.

"we shouldn't" he agrees, his voice the same as hers.

"it's wrong."

"really wrong."

her eyes bore into his, trying so hard to pull away, but she can't, like some magnetic force is keeping her gaze from wandering anywhere but his deep brown and green eyes.

"we're married." she speaks, sigh falling from her lips heavily as she licks them, savoring the taste of them. they tasted like him.

"we're married." he repeats.

"to other people."

"to other people." he breathes, just the sound of his voice making her heart rate pick up.  

she lets out a loud sigh, fighting every internal battle. her head telling her it was wrong. but her heart telling her that nothing was more right. "screw it." she says so softly he almost misses it.

he doesn't even have time to comprehend her words before he feels her lips of his.

and that's how they came together for the second time, it being even more earth shattering than the last.

the first time they could blame it on the alcohol.

but the second time...?

the second time was all them.

[thatcnamomnwife]

Well, hello!

I really just wanted to check out this app because I don’t know anyone really who blogs here... maybe I could meet new people make friends I can chat with. I don’t work anymore and I have very little company. My ex husbands wife has come to visit and let our youngest boys play together and my family has come in and out to help keep things up in the house. I broke my leg in a car accident in October. I still can’t walk.

I laugh about it now because my two other siblings here have both been in worse car accidents and walked away with scratches. My brother was knocked unconsious and woke up and walked 2 miles home. I hit a tree to avoid hitting the back end of a truck that was stopped in a work zone and when I hit the break popped back and broke my ankle tib and fib... I knew I had broken it but was not aware of how bad it was. My EMT was wonderful in keeping me calm. I heard comments when I got to the hospital about it being really bad but I didn’t want to see the damage. They knocked me out and put me into surgery. I woke up with a fixater on my leg. The next night after I asked for pain meds 3 or 4 times in a row because the Dilaudid didn’t work, my assigned surgeon came in and examined my leg. I had compartment syndrome and needed a fasciotomy asap. so the next time I woke up I still had the fix and then my leg was completely wrapped. Every time I tried to do physical therapy I would. Bleed everywhere. I found out I had two huge gaping cuts in the side of my leg and 2 equally gaping cuts in the top of my foot. In the hospital I tried my best to keep up hope that this would all be over soon. My friends at work (I’m a CNA) got ahold of me and cheered me on the get better and come back to work soon. But here I am. It’s February and I’m still wheelchair bound and not walking. The way my surgeon fixed my leg set it to where my toes almost faced the ground and my ankle is now fixed as if its ready for a stiletto. I have worked hard to get to rotate my ankle and lift my toes a little bit and as my physical therapy has me working on the they are working on lifting this deep scar on top of my foot.

It sucks to have to depend on everyone else to get help. I can do some things on my own. But I can’t cook my own food by myself. I can do dishes actually but it’s really hard. I can move from place to place with my walker. But since I’m on one leg it’s hard and I wear out fast. I can’t go anywhere unless someone takes me. Sitting in a car is hell because I lose circulation in my leg easily. If I get annoyed with my husband or my kids get on my nerves I can’t just go outside.

I spent the first month crying. Every day. I’m not kidding. I cried even harder Every appointment because my surgeon is a straight forward kinda guy. My home health nurse came in and saw that I was cracking and she suggested I act for a low dose antidepressant and I just gave and said yea. I’m tired of crying. Well it’s worked so far. I still get mad and throw fits and cry but I think that’s just me being human and besides that anyone in the medical profession is bound be make a horrible patient.

I am a lot better now. In fact despite the fact that my leg still doesn’t work, I’m in ok spirits. I miss my job, my residents, and most of my coworkers. I worked through what I feel is the worst part of COVID in my area and I worked while I had it. I was so proud of my self for not giving up in that mess. I miss the hard work. I wanna go back but I know I will never get to run around like I did before. It just sucks.

But in the midst of this whole crap show my husband and I got married in December! It was a beautiful low cost home wedding and my family couldn’t come because they were quarantined but we had our other loved ones there. I won’t lie I looked amazing in my wedding dress and my hair and makeup was gorgeous. Nothing has changed since we got married. We are still bickering at each other but at the end of the day I love him and he loves me. We have been through it all in these 6 years and I wouldn’t have him any other way. He’s lazy. He frustrates me but he is a good man and a good dad to our son. My daughters love him. My oldest calls him dad. And he has pretty much jumped trough hoops for them since he met them. We are all a happy family and I love my life. I just don’t like where I’m at in my life.

I have 3 kids. My oldest is 14 and she’s a type 1 diabetic. Shes a hormonal teen with diabetes. We have blood sugar issues every day. Hormones raging. She recently got grounded for not doing her chores and lying about her blood checks and she lost it over not being on the phone for a few days. But damn she is smart. She wants to be a mortician when she graduates college. She passes state testing like it’s nothing. And she’s a complete music lover. She was the 18th chair in junior all region choir last year. She was the youngest in her group to get in. So I brag on her a lot. My middle child is a lot of energy and she frustrates me. She’s 10 and she’s been stuck in this stage where she acts like she doesn’t have common sense. We’ve taught her how to use the washer and dryer several times and this kid still says she don’t know how to use it. She’s the one who argues even if she knows she’s wrong she will still try to make you think she’s right. She will agree to something one minute and then get mad about it later. She will not brush her hair and she does this on purpose because she claims is a part of her personality. She also recently told me she’s bisexual. She’s a good kid though. Teachers and kids at school love her she don’t get in trouble ever. And she’s also a smart kid! She excelled in school to the highest. I’m very proud of my girls.

My son is 4 and he is a big ball of adhd. He bounces off walls and he’s very violent. We have been trying to get him evaluated so we can get him on proper meds before kindergarten but It hasn’t happened yet. But he’s also a sweet kid. He is very smart too. He knows all of his colors and can count to 10. He knows his name. But he tells you he’s 400 years old instead of 4 lol.

My mom and sister are both life savers to me. They have taken care of me through this. When I need them they are there. My brother prefers to live his own life and visit at moms with me from time to time. But I love him. I miss him.

My dad left my mom when I was 13. He caught up with my half sister. Fell in love with his ex wife and moved away. I have seen him 4 times since he left and the last time I saw him was when I was 19 and pregnant with my oldest child. He’s never met my kids in person and he’s only spoken to my oldest on the phone once. 2 years ago he disappeared after planning to come stay on my moms property to get back on his feet and get proper medical treatment. He asked our side of the family for money (like $1000) and none of us had that. So he tried to make us feel bad and then never contacted us again. I’ve heard fromy step sisters that he’s been spotted here and there but we honestly Don’t know where he is, what he’s doing and if he’s even alive. I hate to say it but it doesn’t bother me anymore. I used to break down thinking about him dying and not knowing. Now I feel different. He’s been gone most of my life now.

I also have this best friend who is more than my best friend. She’s my soul. This girl has helped me through some of the worst parts of my life. She and I don’t get to see each other very often but we are always family to each other. She and I talk almost daily. I just love her.

That’s my family though. It’s a hot mess but it’s mine and I love it. At the end of every day I am blessed because I’m loved and cared for.

[windandwater]

When my grandfather on my dad’s side passed away, I wrote up a piece with just one family story after another about the experience. I can’t really do the same thing in the same way this time, but I am finding that, in every death, family draws tighter together and tells stories to each other almost on instinct, finding common ground around this one person who shaped us.

Here are some stories that have come out of the last few weeks.

*

I will warn you that the story of my mom’s family has a dark side—her biological mother was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive. My grandfather was the one who saved his children from her and thus I can’t speak of him without speaking of her as well. I ended up only telling one story that involves her and it has a content warning at the beginning as well as a note for when the story ends.

*

In his eulogy, my step-uncle said that my grandfather, his stepfather, taught him that “family isn’t about biology. It’s about love.”

Well, he was the one who taught me that too, only not because I had crappy parents. Until he remarried, mom had a crappy parent and a good parent, and the good parent held the family together and shaped us in ways that I’m still only beginning to find out.

*

CW CHILD ABUSE

(Note: I’m referring to her as my mom’s bio-mom or by her initials, NW.)

The custody battle was brutal, and it went all the way to the state supreme court. Fathers didn’t get custody back then—my mom says “abuse” wasn’t even in the lexicon in the initial court cases.

We found this out because my brother & his girlfriend googled my grandfather and this is what came up. They read the deposition and initially my brother was uncomfortable with her seeing it, but my mom said it grazed the surface—and as I told him, the only reason I don’t going around telling people that my mom’s bio mom did stuff like frequently sprain her wrist from beating them is that it’s not exactly the kind of thing you dump on people without warning, not because it’s a secret or because my mom doesn’t want me to talk about it.

I’ve known for a long time that when I was really little, my mom once found herself with her hands around my throat, freaked the fuck out, and from that moment had to second guess every inch of her parenting and her actions around us, because she had no instincts to fall back on. I didn’t need to read “choking her eldest daughter” as an example of abuse in a court case to know that that happened to my mom.

Anyway, the psychological abuse always scared me more. Because my mom won’t talk about it much.

END CW

*

Apparently, even though moms are perfect angels who should always get child custody and can do no wrong to children, word was getting around about her and someone offered to “take care of the problem” for $150.

My grandfather never would’ve said yes to that, and he decided to try the legal route first. But he was ready to take the kids and run, if he didn’t get custody. Leave his job, fake name, move to Phoenix, everything. I’m beyond thankful that didn’t have to happen but also beyond relieved that he was ready to.

*

He never spoke a single ill word about NW.

*

I was very disappointed about missing the funeral in person. I was hoping they’d have it after my ankle surgery so I could at least be propped up in a corner somewhere, high on Vicodin maybe, but there.

Honestly I’m disappointed about a lot of things this month.

The day before the funeral, my dad came in with a picture showing me the outside of the house. There was a rainbow. A little one, but a rainbow.

I of course dragged my ass out of my sickbed, hopped my way out there, and made him set up a chair so I could see it too.

*

There’s a reason I run a side blog of rainbows. There’s a personal & private story there, but what you need to know is that in dark moments, I often look for rainbows or have literal rainbows sent my way. They bring me hope every time. I sat outside, foot hurting and sweating all over from the heat, watching the rainbow fade, knowing it was going to be okay.

I haven’t always gotten along with my cousins on that side of the family. They grew up in Louisiana and are much closer to each other, so there’s a lot of gaps to bridge and we taller, dark-haired city people from Yankee land who clung close to each other and weren’t used to big families always kind of stuck out a bit among the short blondes who had always lived in the South in a big insane group of cousins and step-cousins.

We’ve gotten closer more recently. It’s trendy to hate on your family on facebook, but interacting on social media has given me some separation between the stuff that makes me roll my eyes about my cousins and the stuff that endears me to them.

And it was through facebook that we came together because of one simple fact: we all had the same, terrible morning.

We all woke up first thing to our moms, broken in half themselves, breaking our hearts too.

*

I get told that I laugh and smile a lot. Sometimes I’m even told that in non-creepy ways! And it’s true. I sometimes think I exist moment to moment trying to find something new to make me laugh. I learned that from my parents, who will watch or listen to just about anything if it’s funny. I learned to tell stories from them too, to take all my experiences and find the good the bad and the funny in everything.

My mom is my best audience. She laughs like a hyena at all my stories, my good lines and my bad lines. She’ll laugh at jokes that I *know* aren’t funny, at the ones that I think are hilarious but no one else laughed at, and she laughs the hardest of all at the jokes I’m extremely proud of and that land really well nearly every time.

Her whole family’s like that. Head thrown back, laughing hysterically, whole conversations just an excuse to try and make each other laugh.

Her dad, too. Just as loud and as hard as the rest of them. He had a giggle, and also a cackle. He used to give points when someone said something particularly funny, let out a really good zinger, or “won” a round of conversation. He’d just grin, solemnly lick his finger, and draw a “1” in the air.

*

He liked pranks. I’ve told story after story on my blog about how my family likes to mess with each other at Christmas. My mom’s saying is that “there’s no such thing as a lie at Christmas”, meaning that your gift is late or it wasn’t in stock or we can’t do it this year, I haven’t found a gift for you so you’re just getting candy? Not lies.

Except it’s not her saying. It’s his.

Anything that arrives at the house in December gets wrapped up and put under the tree; it’s automatically a gift. You think that trick of wrapping things in progressively smaller boxes is a prank? Amateur hour. I’ve wrapped up individual pieces of candy, individual matryoshka dolls, and yes, the smallest git in the largest box but also filled the box with packing peanuts to make it extra annoying.

I learned all of this from my mother.

But he taught it to her.

If I find hideous things to give my brother, it’s because my mom’s family rotated a Velvet Elvis, giving it to each other, for years. If my mom watched in stoic silence as my dad tore the house apart for looking something they got in Arizona that was wrapped up under the tree, it’s because someone wrapped up two huge boxes for my grandfather that he was excited to open, that turned out to be two light fixtures he’d ordered and forgotten about.

We never lost the magic of Christmas in my house. If anything it got more magical, more fun to surprise each other and find funny and creative ways to show each other how much we care. Gift giving is an art form in my family and I look forward to it every year.

It’s all because of my grandfather.

*

I learned so many things from my parents that they in turn learned from my grandfather. Even my dad learned a lot from him as his father-in-law, because it was impossible not to look up to him, and he was a teacher in his profession and by nature. Everyone talked so much at the funeral and afterwards about how he could fix anything, build anything, do, anything.

I was called “Tinker” at one of my old jobs for how I was always fixing everyone’s computer and the various office machinery. I didn’t necessarily know how until I sat down and looked at it. I just knew how to figure it out.

I always thought I learned that from my parents, which I guess is still true, but now I know who they passed it on to me from.

One thing I always associated with my mom was that any time she saw a pile of my necklaces in a knotted mess, she would sit down an untangle them for me. I never asked her to do that; she would just see them, and sit down and start working on them. She always got a specific look of concentration on her face as she did.

My dad and I were talking after the funeral and he mentioned my grandfather doing that exact thing in our house at ninety-something years old. He has a picture of it. I knew without seeing it exactly what the expression on his face would be.

It’s now one of my favorite pictures of him.

*

There was technical trouble with the Zoom funeral, which was pretty disastrous—I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t able to attend due to health & other problems. For someone so beloved, so central to the family, who we all owe so much to but don’t even think of it that way because he was so fun and easy to love…well, funerals are for the living, and not being able to be there in person hurt, bad, and I know I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. We were relying on being able to attend digitally.

But most of the world is still getting used to doing things over video, and certainly the older couple running the funeral home was a bit clueless. I, on the other hand, ran video calls (not over Zoom, but still) almost daily for 2 years while I was an admin and we had remote employees calling in to meetings. So as soon as I realized exactly what was causing the problem, I got on the phone with the funeral home and did my best to salvage what we could.

And then I pulled the recording for everyone (thank goodness it was recorded).

And then before I watched it I wrote up some instructions, with screenshots, for the funeral home for next time, because they genuinely didn’t know what to do and I wanted to make sure the next family had an easier time and if the problem is just understanding technology, I know how to help with that! I’m good at figuring out and explaining this stuff! It’s just what you do—you help people when you can! You know?

And then I watched the funeral, and listened to my uncle talk about my grandfather always fixing things, and always teaching people.

And I just broke down. Because I knew. I knew who I was.

If the legacy I carry is that of someone who can’t resist helping others by teaching and fixing problems, then may I never ever ever let go of that legacy.

My mother called me to tell me that when they realized what was going on and what I was doing, my uncles both said the same thing, that “that was Papa.”

*

The only good part about any of this is that I’m here with my mom right now. She talked to him all the time before he died but she didn’t get to see him, and she keeps saying things like how she wishes she could tell him the good joke she heard. She’ll casually talk about the depression she’s fighting off.

I didn’t want a broken ankle to strand me here but there are worse times to be stuck with my mom.

[madeofbees]

the big move

I just realized now that I never told you guys the long version of why Su and I are moving to Seattle, and in these uncertain times it’s so important to have something good to look forward to, so I’m going to talk about it now. We were originally planning on moving April 2021 and while we don’t know if that’s still going to work out, we’re definitely still going to move as soon as we can.

Here’s why.

I grew up in a very abusive home and I've cut my mom out of my life but my dad is still married to her and he and I are very close and I love him a lot but he's always chosen her and sided with her and didn't believe me or support me, and things are better with him now, he's a little more with it, but not enough. I was effectively kicked out when I was seventeen, and a little bit later my dear friend Robin was also kicked out of her abusive home and moved in with me and we adopted each other, she's my sister way more than my mom is my mom, and honestly, she's the only reason I have to stay in the Boston area. I love my dad, but he's not home. I can't even go to his house because my mom is still there.

My dad's younger brother Joe and his wife Elizabeth and their daughter Hannah live in Seattle (their other kid Nathan used to live with them but they're in college now). They've always been great, have sheltered me now and again when I needed to get away from my mom for a week or two, but Hannah and I used to fight all the time when we were younger, and it's only in the past five or ten years that we've gotten close. I think it's a sibling-type thing, that you don't get along when you're small but do when you're older. I only got to see them once a year at a family gathering, but our cabins were sold, and now I can only see them when some group of us happens to be on the other coast.

I visited them for Thanksgiving last year and it was one of the best, most important experiences of my life. Hannah has a lot of mental health problems like me, she's only a few years younger and still lives at home, like I would be if my mom didn't exist, but her parents still love her unconditionally and want to help her and be there for her no matter what. They don't blame her for her health issues, they don't treat her any less, and they all love each other so much. I hadn't even realized what I'd been missing until then, how extremely not normal and not okay my parents are. I thought I had, but not really. I had a hard physical health time there because travel on spoonies is hard af, and they just. Offered to help me with stuff. Bring me my meds or even just check in and say hi when I was stuck on the couch. They never made me feel bad about needing help, and that was so crazy and wild to me. They didn’t even wait for me to ask if I needed help, they just offered, and I think that’s the part I have the hardest time comprehending.

Hannah's best friend Jaime is also one of my best friends, Hannah introduced us, and she's also in Seattle, so not only do I have family, but I also have friends built in. Plus, one of Jaime's friends has EDS like me, which is exciting for spoonie reasons. Su and I had already talked about and pretty much decided to move to Seattle when I got home from my trip, but then she had her medical emergency when she was in Brazil and needed surgery and had to stay for two months instead of two weeks right when I also needed emergency surgery for my rotator cuff, and Elizabeth came out and stayed with me for a week. She took care of me, helped me with everything, and never, ever made me feel bad about it. My dad made me feel horribly guilty for asking him to take a day off work to drive me to and from surgery, but Elizabeth flew 3,000 miles with nothing but love. That cemented the decision to move: I love my dad, but my Seattle family is real family, what family is supposed to be, and I deserve that. I have CPTSD, just typing this up is making me cry, and having that sort of unconditional love and support is something I need for my recovery.

I still expect Su to be mad at me if I ask her to refill my water, I never ask her to make me dinner because I was always yelled at for that even when I was a kid, and a thousand other things. She is perfect and wonderful and loving and the best wife I could ever ask for, and zero part of me thinks I deserve her, and a lot of me doesn't trust that she means that she loves me, that she isn't always secretly mad at me, that she won't leave. I think being in Seattle surrounded by an actual family will help our relationship too, because maybe I'll finally get it through my head that I'm allowed to be happy and lean on people and be loved.

The thought of moving so far away is terrifying, logistically, physically, and emotionally, but it’s also one of the most exciting things I’ve ever done (it’d be first, but marrying Su still takes the cake <3). Su is really excited too, because this is the biggest thing we’ll have done together, us. Our moves in Massachusetts have relied on my dad so heavily that, even though it was about us, it didn’t entirely feel like Us With A Capital U. This? This is Us, and that’s incredible, the best thing in the world. We’re scared and stressed, but we can’t wait for this next chapter of our lives.

[rivia-odyssey]

I’m gonna go on a tangent, so to make understanding me easier, lemme just drop a key of names here.

Claira = my stepdaughter; aged ten Joe = my boyfriend, Claira’s adoptive father. Brad = Claira’s biological father. Sam = Claira’s biological mother. as a step parent to a ten year old girl, it really hurts me to see how many posts float around here on tumblr about kids who feel hated and rejected by the people their parents chose. I try really hard to let my stepdaughter know that I care, even when I’m hard on her. And not gonna lie? I’m fucking terrified that she’s gonna grow up to hate me because I’m kind of hard on her sometimes, but I think I have to be? 

Her mother is troubled. She’s nearly thirty and can’t stop obsessing about who’s she’s dating, chasing men, or what have you. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing your own thing. Let your freak flag fly. She can fuck every guy in town - I don’t care. That’s not really my concern. My issue is that Claira meets this rotation of random men and I can see it twisting something in her. She used to be such a naturally sweet kid, but she’s growing cynical. *She’s ten* and she’s nearly as sarcastic about people as I am at twenty-seven - and while she’s had her issues, my life was WORLDS more fucked up than Claira’s has ever been. So, that’s pretty heartbreaking, tbh. 

Sam flips between talking to her ten year old like she’s someone to pal around with - IE; talking to her about things that ten year olds really don’t need to worry or think about, treating her like a gal-pal and not like a kid - and wanting to be the Authority Figure. She keeps trying to straddle the line between being friends with her kid and being the parent, even though historically, we’ve all seen that it makes Claira *more* combative than if you draw the line in the sand and keep to your side. Understandably, it’s probably pretty confusing to have your mom let you jokingly talk shit while goofing around one day, only to get your head bitten off the next when you crack and joke and Mommy decides you’re being disrespectful tomorrow.  For some background, my ten year old stepdaughter is not even my boyfriend’s biological child. He was dating Claira’s mother, Sam, when she was pregnant, having just broken up with Brad. Joe stayed to take care of Claira while Brad moved to Philly with his new girlfriend. Then they moved to NJ about a year and a half ago. They’re about to move to Michigan next month. All of these locations are hours away from us. For ten years, he hasn’t lived in the same zip code as his daughter. For reference, in 4.5 years, I’ve spent more time with Claira than Brad has in ten. He sees her twice a year, though his custody agreement with her mother says he’s supposed to be seeing her every other week. He picks her up for a week in the spring and the winter, if he can be bothered to spend the money to drive down and get her. (By court order, transportation is his responsibility and he regularly makes excuses about why he couldn’t manage to get her regardless.) 

Brad only calls if we hound him to. Claira is starting to make angry comments about it. (”He’s not gonna call.”/”He doesn’t care.?”/”He never does what he says he’s going to do.”) 

So, coming back to the point, I have this ten year old who feels like neither of her biological parents give half a flying fuck about her until they feel like it. Joe and I live with his parents (his dad had heart surgery a while back, we moved in to help out while he was out of work, just haven’t moved back out yet). And Claira LOVES to come over because she adores Joe’s father, her Pop-Pop. Well, since the Coronavirus became a rising problem and states shut down, Claira has basically been living at my house. We’ve tried to keep the tone of things fairly light for her, because we don’t want her to be afraid to out. So, we yanked out the pop-up camper and set it up in the backyard. 

(Funny sidebar, she’s dubbed the pop up camper her new apartment and has been basically living in the backyard for four days. Comes inside for meals and potty breaks. That’s it.)

She’s over for weeks at a time without a peep from her mother. Not a text to check in. Not a call at night to ask about her day. Nothing. She doesn’t ask about whether her online schoolwork is getting done. And the first time she’s bothered to get in touch was yesterday morning to tell us that she wants Claira home for Mother’s Day. And Claira pitched a meltdown because she wanted to stay at our house, with me and her grandmother. 

“But I want to spend Mother’s Day with my stepmom this year.” 

That... did not go over well, mind you. Sam blew up my phone and Shannon’s (the grandmother) pushing that she demanded Claira come home. But we’re not in the business of forcing her to go anywhere she doesn’t want to - though she literally never wants to go home. Ever. Which is a whole ‘nother bag of things I worry about. Anyway.

Sam responded by calling, which I initially let slide to voicemail because I was trying to calm Claira down. When she cooled off a little, I asked Claira, 

Me: “Hey, I bet your mom misses you. You’ve been here nearly two weeks since you last went home. Why not go home for a couple days? Your dad and I will be by to get you Monday, like always?”  Claira, seeing my phone light up as Sam tries to call again: Don’t answer her. Me: Why not? Claira: Because she’s gonna get upset and I’ll feel bad.

Lemme just tell you how shitty I feel knowing that, unfortunately, I don’t have the power to deny Sam in the long run. But I have this kid looking up at me, knowing - KNOWING - that if she answers her fucking mother’s phone call, she’ll be barraged with emotional manipulation. And lo and behold, when I didn’t pick up, Sam called Grandma and Grandma picked up. So she comes upstairs with the phone and I can hear Sam starting up with her water-works act, on speaker. To make sure Claira hears her sob, 

“You hate mommy. You don’t love mommy. Why don’t you wanna spend time with me? Why don’t you love me?”

And I just... I took the phone and sent Claira off with her grandmother for a few minutes. Got kind of firm with Sam and reminded her that she was the adult and emotionally blackmailing her ten year old was no way to get what she wanted. We argued a bit. I reminded her that she was acting like HER OWN mother. That got her to back off. She agreed that she owed Claira an apology for upsetting her for, basically, being a ten year old who wants what she wants. Hung up. 

And then I got the WONDERFUL task of going downstairs and telling Claira that, sadly, I couldn’t refuse Sam. Legally, I don’t have that power and neither does Joe, because even though he’s been there the whole 10.9 years that Claira has been alive, he has no legal rights. 

And anyway, I doubt anyone is gonna read this. I just needed to vent somewhere. I needed to be frustrated. I needed to say that it really upsets me that so many kids feel like their stepparents didn’t care or don’t care. And I needed to express how much I worry that Claira will grow up feeling like I don’t care because sometimes, no matter how much I don’t want to, I have to sit her down on the couch and calmly, firmly tell her that like it or not, she does have to go home. 

I tried to have a conversation with her about it. I tried to explain to her that while her mother’s behavior was out of line, Mommy is just bad at handling her emotions. And honestly, fight me about it if you want - I refuse to lie to her and tell her that “Mommy loves you, don’t be mad at her” or some shit. Nope. I won’t. I never shit talk her mom. I’m really careful to never say rude, unkind, or slanderous things about Claira’s mother in front of her or around her or even when she’s in the house. 

But I refuse to lie. I told her straight up, (paraphrased), “Your mom fucked up. How she treated you wasn’t cool, and she and I talked about that. She’s gonna apologize when I drop you off, okay? She’s the adult here and she should act like it. It’s not your job to manage Mom’s feelings, okay? But you do have to go home today. I promise we’ll do stuff for Mother’s day on Monday.”

Gave her a hug, let her cry it out for a bit. Took her home.

And I just... I like to think maybe in ten years, she’ll look back and realize how much I didn’t want to force her to go home today. I wonder if she’ll know that I got back in my car and cried because I KNOW how much it sucks to go home to a parent who makes you fucking miserable. But I’m literally powerless in this. I can’t go rocking the boat too hard because it’ll hurt Joe more than me - blood or not, Claira is his baby girl. 

I dunno. This is long and rambling and disjointed. Sorry.

[itsannienomouse]

Art Imitates Life

It is a well-known knowledge that every art ever made, every story ever written, every television stories every screened were all based on real life, at least part of it. Perhaps a little drama was added for aesthetic, but everything man made was inspired by God’s screenplay. Perhaps, it could not be truer than it is in residency.

Every time I meet someone outside the medicine world and introduced myself as a surgeon (or a surgical resident at that time), the most common question, after where and oh wows, would be: Is it like Grey’s anatomy? I kid you not! The most popular question I have been asked since in entered my residency, and always a reference to Grey’s.

I didn’t mind it, not at all. In fact, I would proudly say, yes! Yes it is. The medicine, the shifts, the inability to have life outside the hospital, and yes, of course, the DRAMA! And the sex :D

While I had decided to enter medicine far before I was exposed to any medicine TV shows, I like those shows nonetheless. In fact, I could almost always relate. And Grey’s, I seriously say, the drama is real. And I’m sure I’m not the only surgeon who feels that way or had that life. When you are confined to a place for more than 24 hours more often than not, with the same people, the same struggle, there bound to be some difference, some love, some lust, some tears, some laughter, some drama and a lot of sex.

One instance I am remembering right now is when I was a second or third year resident. I had my 24 hours shift at one of the community hospital that was a partner with our teaching hospital. Every shift consists of two second/third year residents and every month there is an on call chief that has his rotation at that hospital. I should probably explain, the chief resident in our residency system is the senior on the last year of their residency and the most senior at every rotation.

It was a Sunday, so the shift started at 9 A.M at the ER and would end at 6 A.M the next day, where daily schedule of OR and clinics continued. I was accompanied by my batch-mate, Dylan, on that day. After we screen the E.R, did few lacs in the E.R and an appendectomy procedure in the O.R, we grabbed some lunch and went to our room/temporary lounge.

The resident lounge in that hospital was under renovation at that time, so they gave us two VIP patient’s room as a temporary lounge to rest in. Each had two bunk beds in it, TV, refrigerators, toilets and all that. The rooms were to separate male and female residents, but we almost always end up just using one room regardless the gender of our shift partners. 

So at around two P.M that evening me and Dylan went to one of the rooms (the one usually used) and found our chief of the month, Henry, lying sleeping on one of the lower bunk beds. We were not that surprised; we had an idea he was in the hospital. Our attending had a patient in E.R. and had told us that Henry was going to come and see the patient and prep her for surgery if necessary. We were just confused how we missed him in the E.R. I forgot the case exactly, but I remembered the surgery was cancelled for that day. I thought maybe Henry just didn’t want to go home.

Dylan went to the other bunk bed and climbed to it’s top, so I took the lower one. I must have dozed off; I woke up with a start to a noisy bed creaking and a snoring sound from above me. I opened my eyes and saw Henry was up. He saw me awake, came towards me and caressed my cheek.

No… it is not a story of sexual harassment!

Henry is a married man, a father of two, my senior and a friend. We had a few rotations together and at one of those rotations, we end up in bed together. I remember the first time we slept together, we were having a bad day at the hospital, so at end of the day, we decided to go out and have a few drinks. No one else wanted to join, so it was just Henry and me. In between drinks, Henry told me a sob story of how he married the wrong woman and only found out he loved someone else just few days before the wedding. But the wedding wasn’t and could not be cancelled, so he got married, but for two years he also had an affair with the woman he loved.

Honestly till date I do not know if that was a true story or just a sob one to get me into bed with him, but it worked. We got drunk and we had sex. It wasn’t something any of us regretted. Yes, we were drunk, but we were still in control of our decision. For Henry, it was probably a sport, for me, it was entertainment. I knew he had a family, so no strings attached. We started seeing (more accurately sex-ing) each other on and off since then. On that day of my shift, I hadn’t seen Henry for weeks, probably months, due to our schedule.

I smiled and sat up; he started kissing me and touching me everywhere. I giggled and pointed upwards, referring to Dylan who was fast asleep at the top bunk. Henry got up and left the room. I guessed he just decided it wasn’t worth the risk.

Few minutes later I got a text from him to meet me in the next room, the empty room we never used. I smiled, freshened up and went to get some. Sure enough we did it… twice, as quietly as possible as to not attract any nurse or anyone to that room. It was fun. Henry left form home after that and I continued my shift with Dylan.

Henry and I are still friends till date. However, the sex part isn’t a part of it anymore. Henry is a serial womanizer. A while after that day, I found out he was sleeping with a junior of mine. Although that did not break my heart, it bugged me a little, especially that their affair was not well hidden like it was with me. I was afraid if they were exposed, I would be sucked in too and I didn’t want that to happen. So I stayed away from Henry for a good long while. We had our fun once or twice more after that, but when Henry became an attending in a different hospital, our relationship turned into just friends, with no benefits. 

There are a lot of stories about Henry and his adventures, but it is his story, not mine to tell. As I said in the beginning, the stories, the drama, the sex… they are all real in the residency world.

[ahhhsami]

I got a request in chat and not an ask so I’m posting as a text post. This was the request: Perhaps, you could have Asami as physiotherapist, and Korra being a professional athlete (a soccer player like you've already wrote about) is suffering from a serious injury that could possibly end her career (Kinda like how she felt like she lost her role as the avatar after being poisoned by Zaheer). I'd love to see Korra being her grumpy ass, stubborn self while Asami is being patient with her because she's such a fucking goddess.

Took a bit of a different path on it, having Korra do a sport for individuals rather than a team sport this time around :O Anyway, hope you all enjoy. (AO3 LINK)

You worry your lower lip as you walk up to the front desk. Instantly the older woman breaks into a wide smile and her soft voice greets you.

“How can I help you?”

“I have a ten o’clock appointment.”

“What’s your last name, Sweetie?”

“Varney.”

The woman types your name into the system.

“Found you. We’ve got a couple pages of paperwork we need you to fill out. Are you capable of doing that or do you need assistance?” she asks, eyeing your arm that was in a sling.

“I can manage.”

“Okay.” The woman clips the papers onto a clipboard and hands you it along with a pen. “The doctor will be out soon to get you.”

“Thank you.”

You find a seat in the corner and balance the clipboard on your lap. Although you’re right handed, you hold the pen in your left hand and write with that. You roll your eyes as you take in the awful penmanship. At least it was legible. The last thing you really wanted was someone asking you the questions and then having to write for you. You were capable enough on your own.

You were just finishing up the last question when you hear your name called out. You quickly check the ‘no’ box and then lift your head. Your eyes meet the greenest eyes you’ve ever seen before. You’d never known that someone could honestly have such green eyes, but she does. The doctor is tall, with dark hair pulled into a high ponytail. Her makeup is simple, except for her dark red lipstick. Under her lab coat she's wearing a black shirt and dark jeans.

“Korra?” she asks again, drawing you out of your daze.

“That’s me.”

"I can take that," she says, taking the clipboard from you. She then holds her free hand out to you. “I’m Doctor Sato. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Korra,” you say as you take her hand awkwardly with your left hand and shake it.

She laughs softly. “Sorry I wasn’t thinking,” she says as she lets go of your hand. “Follow me and we can get started.”

“Okay.”

She leads you through the doors and then down a corridor. You pass people sitting at desks and empty rooms, until she leads you into one of them. It’s not the stereotypical examination room because you’re here for physical therapy. There’s still the examination table, but the room is larger and there’s exercise supplies. There’s weights and exercise balls. Elastics and muscle rollers. There’s even an electric muscle stimulator sitting in the corner of the room.

The doctor motions for you to take a seat on the table, which you do. She then grabs the rolling lab stool that’s in the room and takes a seat across from you.

“So you had surgery four weeks ago because of rotator cuff tears?” she asks you even though she’s looking at your file.

“That’s correct.”

“And how did you get that injury?”

“Um, well I’m a professional tennis player. And I guess I pushed myself too much.”

Doctor Sato looks up from the file she’s holding. “You tore two of the tendons completely, that doesn’t just happen. You had to have been in pain before that.”

“I guess.” You rub the back of your neck with your left hand. “It wasn’t really bad so I didn’t think it was a problem.”

“Hmm, so you waited and allowed your tendons to deteriorate, making you more vulnerable to a tear.”

“I mean, I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Sorry, I’m just thinking aloud. I need to know the full extent of your injury and surgery to figure out what to plan for your rehabilitation,” Doctor Sato explains. “What happened to cause the tendons to tear?”

“I was close to the net, pressuring my opponent. She ended up getting a good spike on me, but when I tried to return it, my shoulder gave out as soon as the ball hit my racket. I guess the force of everything was the last straw for my shoulder,” you describe, recalling how much pain seared through your shoulder and down your arm at that moment. You’d cried out loud, the cry even louder due to the silence of the audience watching the match.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Doctor Sato stood up and stepped closer to you. “Do you mind if I take a look?”

“Go ahead, Doc.”

She slides the sling from your arm, her touch careful and precise. She raises the sleeve of your t-shirt and takes a closer look at your shoulder. There’s a scar from the incision made during surgery, a couple of centimeters long. Her cold fingers trace over it, causing a shiver to go down your spine. She presses into your shoulder softly and then removes her hand.

“You needed a tendon transfer, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm, the surgeon seems to have done a good job. It’s healed well.”

“That’s good.”

“It is. We can start some passive exercises today. Have you been to physical therapy before?”

You shake your head. “I’ve never had any major injuries until this.”

“Okay. So the idea is that we want to gradually strengthen the tendons and muscles. This means that we need to start off slow and with exercises that may seem silly and pointless, but definitely are not. It’s a slow process, but if you’re committed to truly recovering, then it should be easy.”

You nod.

“Great. We’ll start off with the pendulum exercise. If you could stand, please.”

You stand and watch as she places her left hand onto the examination table. She bends at her hips slightly. She then hangs her arm loosely.

“You’re going to take this position and use your body to initiate movement, forward and backwards.” The doctor demonstrates as she speaks. “After that, you’re going to move it into a circular motion.” Again she shows you and then stands straight. “So we gauge how far you should take the movement by how much pain you experience. That’s called an ‘endpoint.’ Our goal is to gradually move the endpoint so that your motions can be more extensive. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. So copy what I just showed you and try to use your body to initiate a back and forth movement with your arm. I’ll guide you if needed.”

You copy what she had shown you and grit your teeth when a slight pain fills your shoulder. You feel her hand on the small of your back and then on your shoulder.

“Not too much. Small movements,” Doctor Sato instructs. “Good. How does it feel?”

“It hurts a little, not much though.”

“On a scale one to ten, ten being the worst.”

“Two.”

“Okay. Keep that up then.”

Her hand leaves your back and you release a breath you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding. You keep moving your arm until her voice breaks the silence.

“Well done. Now try moving it in a circular motion.” Again her hand went to the small of your back and she watched you arm closely. “Good. Pain?”

“Two still.”

“Okay.”

You continue to do the exercise until she tells you to stop. She then instructs you to sit back down, which you do.

“So next are shoulder shrugs, which is pretty self explanatory. You just need to place your palms flat on the table and then shrug your shoulder straight up. Don’t push yourself too hard. Right when you feel a little pain, come back down.”

You do as she tells you and she nods.

“That looks good. Pain?” she checks again.

“Two.”

She looks at you for a moment and then nods. After doing about twenty shrugs she motions for you to stop.

“Easy enough, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Shoulder blade pinches are the next exercise. You need to pinch your shoulder blades backwards and together.” She turns around and removes her doctor’s coat off her shoulders so that only the thin black long sleeve shirt she’s wearing covers her. She then demonstrates for you. “Got it?” she asks as she turns around and fixes her coat back into place.

“Yeah.”

You start doing as she showed. She walks around the table so that she can see your back. She then places her hand on your upper back and you stop.

“Keep going, I need to make sure you’re doing it correctly.”

You don’t say anything and just go back to doing the exercise.

“Pinch a little less. It’s clear that this exercise is hurting more than the others. Right?”

“Um, yeah. Maybe around a four. How’d you know?”

“Just comes with experience.” She keeps her hand on your back and you don’t pinch as much, lowering the amount of pain in your shoulder. “Better.”

She goes over three more exercises with you and then she takes a seat back on the stool. You wipe the sweat off your brow with the back of your hand. It frustrates you that these simple exercises had caused you to exert yourself. You had even felt short of breath a couple of times during one of the harder exercises, an exercise where you just lifted her arm as you were lying down. And it wasn’t like you did it on your own, the whole time Doctor Sato’s hands had been on your arm, supporting and guiding you.

“How do you feel?”

“Like this sucks,” you sigh. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

She laughs softly. “No, I understand. These are such basic exercises that it can be frustrating to have to do them. You just have to stick with it so that you can get better.”

“Do you think I’ll be able to play again? The doctors had said that it wasn’t guaranteed.”

“If you work hard you can. It’s going to take commitment and complete adherence of the exercises and timelines that we set. You can’t push yourself or you may get hurt again.”

“How long do you think it’ll take?”

“It’s different for everyone, but at least four months to get back to a more normal range. I think it’ll take a bit longer for you since it was a severe injury. Also you need to get to a point, more than normal since you’re an athlete.”

“That’s a long time.”

“It’ll go by faster than you think,” the doctor tries to say, being more positive.

“Hmm, well is that it for today?”

“Yes. I have a print out of the exercises we’ve done today. You need to do them every other day so that you get some recovery time. You don’t need your sling on as often, but keep your arm movement to a minimum still, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll evaluate your progress next week then. It was nice meeting you, Korra.”

“You as well, Doctor Sato.”

“Korra?”

You lift your head and smile at the doctor. It’d been three weeks so far and supposedly you’d be getting new exercises today if she saw fit.

“Hi,” you greet as she starts leading you to the usual room.

“How are you doing today?”

“Good,” you answer automatically. Even if you weren’t having a good day, you’d still tell her it was. Honestly, any day you came here was nice though. She had this patient, calming aura around her that seemed to seep into you.

“Great.” She looks at the notes she had taken last session and then looks back to you. “I’m going to watch you do the exercises that you’ve had assigned and then we’ll see if you should move on to the next ones, okay?”

You nod and start going through the motions. They were much easier for you, still causing a bit of pain if you pushed to much, but that was seldom. When you were done, the doctor examined your shoulder and let out a soft hum.

“You need another week.”

“What?” you say quickly out of surprise. You’d been sure that your shoulder was good enough to move on.

“You still have pain at times, you grimaced when you were doing the behind-the-back internal rotation and it didn’t seem like you were pushing yourself. Your muscles just aren't ready yet,” Doctor Sato explains.

“They’re fine. We should move on.”

“Korra, you’re not ready.”

“I am ready!” you snap.

The doctor sighs softly and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I know you’re frustrated and I can see that your patience is wearing thin, but you’re not ready. Your body is telling you that it’s not ready yet if you’re still experiencing pain from these exercises. So let’s just finish this session and next week we’ll go over the new exercises.”

Your hands tighten into fists in frustration. “This is taking too long. I can still barely do anything and if I’m not better I’m going to miss too many matches. I’m on a time crunch and you don’t get that. I need to be better fast or this won’t matter,” you say frustrated. “So just show me the new exercises.”

“No.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to show you something that could hurt you and set back your recovery.”

You stand up, shaking your head. “I’m leaving then.”

“Korra.”

You hear her voice, but keep walking out anyway.

“I thought you’d switched doctors,” Doctor Sato teases you as she closes the door of the examination room. You had skipped last week’s session, but felt guilty afterwards and came this week.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Show me how you’re doing.”

You do the exercises and then wait as she examines your shoulder, her cold hands once again causing you to shiver.

“Sorry,” she apologizes.

“Your hands are always cold.”

“I know. Patients complain all the time,” she laughs. She then lets go of your shoulder and grabs a packet from the counter. “These are the new exercises and repetitions you’ll need to do,” she says as she hands it to you. “We’ll go over these today and I’ll answer any questions you have about them.”

“Okay.”

As you do the first new exercise, she clears her throat. “So how are you doing?”

You let out a little huff of air at her question. “Honestly, not great. I can’t do what I love. I can’t even do a lot of basic day-to-day things. It’s frustrating as hell.”

“I understand that you want to get back out there as soon as possible, but think about this. If you take your time recovering now and don’t push yourself past your limit, then you will get back to the court and be able to play without issue. If you don’t do this properly or push yourself harder than you should, then you could risk injuring yourself again. You may also have pain when you’re playing if you return and you're not fully healed, which isn’t the goal here. The goal is to get you better.”

“Yeah, I get that. I just… was having an off week that week.”

“It’s okay. If I couldn’t be doing what I love, I’d be grumpy too.”

You laugh and then wince when your arm moves a bit further than it should have.

“Focus.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. I’m not the one hurting myself.”

You worry your lower lip as Doctor Sato takes a good look at your shoulder. It had actually taken more than four months. Hitting just under six months of restrengthening your arm and getting it back to where it needed to be.

“How’s it look?”

The doctor’s hands run over your shoulder, slipping down to your bicep and lingering for a moment. “Good.” Her hands then leave you and she clasps them behind her back.

“So am I clear? Doctor’s seal of approval?”

She smiles softly at you and nods. “You’re clear. You can pick up that racket of yours and start training.

“Yes,” You say loudly as you pump a fist into the air.

She laughs at your enthusiasm. “Just remember to ease yourself back into it. You don’t want to hurt yourself.”

“I’ve been this patient so far, no need to rush it, right?”

“Guess old dogs can learn new tricks,” she teases you.

You hold your hand over your heart in mock pain. “I’m not even that old,” you laugh.

“I know. I’ve seen your file.”

“Um, well. I guess… thanks,” you stutter out.

“It was nothing. I’m just glad you can get back out on that court.”

“Yeah.” You stand and you’re unsure of what to do. Do you just leave? Is this goodbye for good? You hate to admit it, but you’d grown close to the doctor. Every time you were around her, you just felt lighter. You felt happier. And now it was over.

“Good luck with your future matches,” she says as she opens the door for you.

“Thanks. For everything.” You take in her peridot eyes once more and smile softly at her. “Really, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“You could have,” she says confidently.

“Maybe. But thanks anyway,” you thank again. “Bye.” You swallow the lump in your throat as you walk through the doorway and leave.

Your heart is pounding as you lean forward, swaying back and forth ready for your opponent to serve. As soon as she does, you push off and return the serve. You volley for two passes until she’s unable to return the ball to you, hitting the net instead.

Just one more point and then you’d be in the Olympics. Just one more point, you kept saying in your head. You bounce on the balls of your feet as the stadium goes quiet. You’d made a miraculous comeback, at least that’s what the sports experts called it. People had already given up on you after hearing of your injury, but somehow you were back and better than ever.

She serves, but vaults. The ball runner retrieves the ball and your opponent bounces the one she’s about to serve up and down. She then tosses it into the air and strikes it hard.

You leap into motion, returning the ball. The volley continues and with each pass back, you start inching closer and closer to the net. She spikes it hard, trying to get it past you. It’s almost an exact replica of the play that had hurt you. It’s different this time around. Your racket meets the ball and you barely swing, using the ball’s momentum to your advantage. It lofts over the opponent’s head and slowly falls. You watch as it bounces a second time, indicating that you’d won the point and the match. The crowd breaks out into cheering as you step to the net to shake your opponent’s hand. She nods at you, acknowledging your win and good play.

Once that’s done, you close your eyes, taking in the moment. Nine months ago you were writhing on the ground, crying out and thinking that your career was over. But now, now you were going to the Olympics. You were going to represent your country.

Something didn’t quite feel right though. Your heart sunk slightly as a pair of green eyes flashed before you. The memory of her soft hands, her gentle words. The memory of her encouragement and support. Her patience and vibrancy. Your mind went to her first. You wanted to tell her. To tell her how far you’d gotten. To thank her again because you could never thank her enough.

“How can I help you?” She’s a new receptionist and you’re surprised Katara isn’t there.

“Where’s Katara?”

“Oh, she’s on vacation. Should be back in a couple days.”

“Ah, okay.” You pause for a moment, but then realize the new woman is still waiting for you to say why you’re there. “Oh, um. I was wondering if Doctor Sato was here.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

You rub the back of your neck with your right hand. “Uh, no.”

“Well I can set one up for you. What’s it for?”

“It’s not really for…. Anything.”

The woman looks at you confused.

“I just wanted to talk to her.”

“Um.” The receptionist isn’t sure what to do as she looks at you. And you’re not sure what to say either.

“Korra?”

You look up and awkwardly wave.

“What are you doing here?”

“Hey, Opal,” you say to the nurse. “I was kind of hoping to see Doctor Sato. I know I didn’t make an appointment and she’s probably busy and-”

“Come with me.”

The receptionist gives you a look as Opal leads you through the doors and to the room that you had your sessions in when with Doctor Sato.

“I’ll go find her. She might be with a patient so it might be a while.”

“That’s fine.”

Opal smiles warmly at you as you take a seat on the examination table. You play with your hands as your feet kick out. You can’t help but feel nervous and jittery as time passes. With each second that the clock ticks, your heart seems to race more. You’ve run over what you’ve wanted to say hundreds of times now, but you’re still not sure if they’re the right words.

Suddenly the door bursts open and Doctor Sato enters in a flurry. Her long hair whips back and forth from the high ponytail that she always wears. Her cheeks are flushed and it looks like she’s been running.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Her words rush out of her, each one filled with concern.

You raise a brow at her, confused.

“Did you hurt yourself? Your shoulder again?”

“Ohhhh,” you say once you get why she’s so flustered. “No. I’m fine.” You swing your arm back and forth to show her that you’re telling the truth.

“Oh, good,” she pants as she catches her breath. “Why, why are you here then?”

You take in a deep breath. She's asking why you’re here and it’s finally time to tell her. You let out your breath and scoot off the table and stand in front of her.

“I don’t know if you keep up with tennis,” you start. “But I was in a match recently.”

“The qualifiers. I saw you made it.”

You smile at the fact that she had kept up with you through tennis. “Yeah, that one. Anyway when I won my past matches, I always thought of my parents. I thought about how proud they’d be when I told them I won. Or if they were at the game, I thought about how proud their smiles would be when I look at them in the stands.”

“Okay.”

“But this match was different. I didn’t think of my parents.” You pause and try to compose yourself. “I, well, I thought of you. I thought about how badly I wanted to tell you that I’d won. That I’d made it. I wanted to see your smile. To hear you tell me that I’d done a good job. To tell you thank you again for everything that you’d done for me.”

Doctor Sato stares at you and your stomach flips. You can’t read her expression, so you keep going.

“I guess it made me realize how much I missed you. And I totally understand if you tell me to leave right now because I was just a patient to you and nothing more. But I needed to get this closure. I needed to let you know how I feel because if I didn’t I knew I’d regret it every day of my life. I just wanted you to know.”

You let out a heavy sigh.

“And now that you do and it’s clear that you don’t feel the same way… I will be heading out now. Sorry to bother you at work. I know you’re busy.”

You walk past her and towards the door, but stop when you feel a hand grasp onto your wrist.

“You haven’t even let me say anything yet.”

You turn around and meet her gaze, a little bit of hope still left in you.

“I almost asked you on a date our last session, but I wasn’t sure how you felt. It also wouldn’t be professional of me,” Doctor Sato confesses. “But it’s pretty clear that we both felt it. Whatever ‘it’ was that was between us. And we both missed it as well,” she says with a soft smile. “I’m glad you came back.”

“So, um… Doctor Sato would you allow me the pleasure to take you out on a date?”

“First, you need to not be so formal. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak to me like that,” the doctor laughs. “Second, I would love to go on a date with you.” She suddenly leans close to you, her voice barely a whisper, “Third, my name’s Asami.”

“Asami,” you say reverently. Her name rolls off your tongue and sounds perfect. You had known her first name since the first session, but had never said it aloud until now. It was the first step over the boundary from patient and doctor, into new territory of an unknown relationship. The only thing certain is the fact that you both care for one another and are looking forward to where this takes you.

[zombiesbecrazy]

Five Times With Feeling - Part 4/5

Summary: It's the end of one era and the restart of another.

Or four times Dick and Barbara watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer together and one time they didn’t.

Written for batfamcontentwar​‘s halloweencontentwar, however I’m not tagging it for the event because I think this part has content that might actually cross that genfic line. All 5 parts will be posted during the event.

ao3  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5

Part 4 - May 2003

Every muscle, and quite a few bones, in Dick Grayson’s body were screaming at him. The night had been hell, with Harvey Dent and Killer Croc somehow deciding that joining forces and trying to blow up the west side of Gotham would be a great way to spend a Thursday night. It was an all hands on deck type situation and it was Batgirl’s official first time back in the field with the entire team since her surgery to repair her spine. She had been out for a couple of weeks on her own, but this was her first true test of good old fashioned Gotham mayhem back in her cowl.

She had been magnificent all night and Dick had found himself haunted by her every move, not able to take his eyes off her.

Which in turn resulted in him not paying attention his surroundings, getting accidentally cornered, outnumbered, and Two Face attempting to remove his arm with a giant chain and hook contraption.  He had gotten lucky because Batgirl had been keeping an eye on him as well and she had dropped from above, taking Harvey out with a well-placed kick the head.  

It was still her signature move after all these years away. Flawless and effective. Knocked him out immediately. It was awesome.

Now, hours later and the city was safe again for the time being, they are sitting on the top of Brown’s Bridge, their pre-Joker-bullet usual post all-nighter hangout spot of choice, on a wide beam high above the street waiting for the sun to come up. Everything feels so familiar and new all at the same time.  They haven’t done this in years, but it all falls back into a comfortable place. Babs sits on his left side, as she usually did. “How’s the wrist?”

He looks down at his right wrist and wiggles his fingers. “Hurts.” He’s not looking forward to seeing the damage when he takes the suit off later; he already knows it’s going to be all sorts of fun bruise colours where the hook had been secured. He’s been careful to not let on how bad the damage actually is; that it isn’t just his wrist, but his entire arm screaming at him. She hadn’t seen him reset his own dislocated shoulder while she was restraining Two Face, but he was pretty sure nothing was actually torn internally and the wrist was feeling like the worst of it right now. Grappling up to the top of their bridge had been agony on his shoulder, but he wasn’t going to miss it. Not tonight.

“Let me see it.”

“It’s just bruised. I’m fine.” Dick lies smoothly, but doesn’t think she’s buying it. Barbara takes his right arm gently and he tries not to wince as she examines the wrist, rotating it slowly and testing the range.  Honestly he’s just glad it’s not broken again. “Stupid Two Face.” He lets out a small hiss as she presses down in slightly and she loosens her grip. “I want to hit him in the good side of his face again until it matches the burned side, but you know, wrist.”

“And that’s not how punching works.”

“That too.”

Apparently happy enough with what she’s seen with the wrist, or is at least convinced that it wasn’t going to fall off any time soon, she lets go of his arm slowly and Dick immediately misses her touch. Less than a second later, Dick has his good left arm wrapped around her and pulls her in close to him, holding onto her tight. She wraps her arm around him in response, giving a firm squeeze.  For the first time all night, the pain in his body feels a little bit less urgent.

“How’s the comeback going?”

“Amazing. And hard. And terrifyingly brilliant.” She’s staring out over the city, and has a wistful look on her face. “I know I was important as Oracle, but something about being back out here just makes me feel… hopeful? It’s hard to put into words.” Her eyes are sparkling, not with tears, but with excitement.  She’s positively glowing. “It feels like I’m flying.”

“Well, that is one thing that I definitely understand.” Dick’s moves his arm up to her shoulder and he gives it a small squeeze. “I missed coming up here with you.”

“Me too. I missed this part so much. Post battle beverages in the Clocktower wasn’t quite the same as being up here with this view.” Her grin is practically contagious. “I still can’t believe the implant worked. It’s crazy.” She points down and Dick follows with his eyes, the both of them staring at her feet as she wiggles them. “I can walk.”

“I can see that.” And he loved it. He really did. Seeing her up here on their bridge with him again made him so unbelievably happy.  “We’re definitely going to struggle a little without Oracle in our ears every night, though.” In reality, she was going to leave a gaping hole in their operation by going back out on the streets instead of being behind the screens. Bruce and Dick had talked a lot about it between them since her surgery, but Dick knew Bruce hadn’t spoken to Barbara about his concerns yet and it wasn’t really Dick’s place to do it either. How could he when she was now able to get back out there and doing it so well? Not yet anyway. They were managing so far without her in the comms so Bruce had been letting it slide. “Now who’s going to tell me where the pop up food trucks are?”

“Or save your ass when you bite off more than you can chew?”

“When I choke on a churro or when I get jumped by too many gang members and need an escape route?”

“Either one.” Barbara sighs, and looks to the grapple strapped to her thigh, and Dick knows that she’s thinking about the choice that she’s made and what she’s left behind by moving on. About that conversation that she needs to have with Bruce; the one she has to know is coming.  Because Barbara always knows everything. “Maybe I can do both somehow. Or find someone to train.”

“Change can be good,” says Dick noncommittally.

“Speaking of change, I’ve been meaning to ask; what’s with the red suit?”

If Dick had a hundred guesses about what Barbara would want to question him about, he would never had guessed that one. “Just wanted a change. You don’t like it?”

“It’s fine. I miss the old one. It was a nice blue.”

“I still have it. Maybe I’ll throw it back into the rotation.”

“Matches your eyes.”

“You can’t see my eyes with the mask on.”

“I still know what they look like. Those blues are impossible to forget.”

They’ve been doing this particular dance for a few months. This mild, tame flirting. It was nice and fun, but a little strange. They had been upfront with each over about their feelings, these sparks between them, ever since Dick had finally confessed his love not long after she had been paralyzed. Even when it hurt, they had talked about their relationship status, almost endlessly, but something was different now. Something had changed since Barbara’s surgery and Dick was pretty sure it was connected. Actually, he was one hundred percent sure it was.

Barbara was nervous about getting back together with him again. About being… intimate with him again.

They had tiptoed around the subject, but she was understandably shy about it. Her body was completely different than it had been last time that they had been together. They had both been nervous getting together the first time, trying to figure out what worked and what didn’t, but they had been young and awkward together so that had helped. Things were different now, they were older and with more experience but it was almost like starting from the beginning all over again. And while she was back to being Batgirl, Barbara Gordon just wasn’t ready for a physical relationship yet.

Just like she had had to relearn to walk and fight, she had to learn to re-love herself again in her new body before they could jump back into anything together. Dick wanted to understand where she was coming from, he really did, but at the same time he didn’t because it just didn’t matter to him. He loved her either way and she was the same girl to him, legs or no legs. And then he got annoyed with himself for being such a selfish jerk for thinking like that because it really had nothing to do with him and what he thought; this was all about her healing process and what she needed to move forward, with or without him. If Barbara needed more time, he was going to give it to her. As much as she needed. He’d wait. They would get there eventually. Hopefully. Maybe.

Timing. Not ever their strong suit.

“Are we not going to talk about it?” Barbara blurted out and Dick gave her a questioning look because he was a little lost in his own thoughts and he was pretty sure that they weren’t thinking the same thing, especially with the mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Talk about?”

“Earlier tonight! Super important life changing event!”

Dick is instantly relieved. This conversation was one that he could have. It was a milestone for them in another way tonight. They had sat on Dick’s bed earlier that evening, before everything had gotten all explode-y, and had watched the last episode of Buffy, ever. It was the end of an era, and for a guy who considered himself to be a pretty adaptable person, Dick was upset about this disruption to his life. “I can’t believe it’s just over. Boom.”

The Scooby gang had geared up, saved the world and now all Dick felt about it was sad. It made him wonder what he would feel like if all of Gotham’s problems were suddenly gone. Resolved in one grand finale. Where would they go from there?

“Seven years is a long time for a TV show, Nightwing.”

“Still.”

“Are you pouting, Short Pants?”

To prove his point, Dick stuck out his lip a little and she giggled. “A little.” He turned it into a sad grin and looked out towards the skyline. “It was one of the few constants in my life and now it’s gone. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I was attached. I’m still attached. We grew up with that show.”

“That is true. We’ve gone through a lot with it.” Barbara rubbed her arm up and down his side and he was having a difficult time focusing on anything else. “You knew it was the last season.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“No, you don’t. You have to admit it was a good episode though.”

“I do. They saved the world. A lot. I’m a big fan of that.” He knew not everyone would like it, but in the end, the last episode came down to the things that Dick put first in his life. Family. Friends. Duty. Love. “You know what else I like?  Being back here.  With you.”

“Me too.”

Dick turned to her and her face was close to his, and they did what they always did when the inevitable pull between them got too great.  He closed the distance between them and kissed her lips lightly. He grinned as she kissed him back eagerly. It wasn’t rushed or frenzied and by all outsider accounts would probably be described as a tame, but it was just right. When they broke apart, she rested her forehead against his.

Barbara kept her eyes closed, and Dick could almost count her eyelashes. “Let’s just watch the sunrise together?” she murmured quietly. He nodded, but didn’t turn to look at the skyline. He just kept staring at her. She didn’t move either, just smiled to herself.

All his aches and pains from the fight were suddenly gone. He could wait for her forever, but hopefully he wouldn’t have to.

[talia-suskauer]

If I Let Myself Go - Part Two

Here’s the second part! I certainly enjoyed writing this part, so I hope you all enjoy reading it! Thank you all so much for the comments left on the first part, it’s really nice to hear what people think about it. Part three will be written and posted soon enough ♥ -Megan

Previous parts: one

--

Days passed by slowly. Being off of the surgical rotation was really getting to Amelia. She was trying to stay sober; she was sober. She made a big mistake. She knew that. Operating on two patients, one of which being her coworker, while being under the influence was a terrible thing, but she was doing better. She was doing everything she could to get back on track after her slip with alcohol. Going to a meeting that morning and getting her thirty day sobriety chip made her feel incredible.

Setting it down on a reception desk in front of Charlotte, Amelia felt confident. She was putting in the work. She was okay, she was safe to be operating again. She knew Charlotte would understand. She was sure that it was going to finally be the day when she could get back to doing surgery.

“Here’s my chip. Thirty days sober.”

“Good for you,” Charlotte replied dryly.

Amelia followed Charlotte as she moved out from behind the desk and began to walk off. She wasn’t understanding. Was that really all she had to say?

“So now there’s no more excuses why my name keeps disappearing from the surgical rotation every week,” Amelia said.

“I’ll think about it.”

“You let me do Pete’s surgery, and I saved his life!”

“I told you it was a one time exception. Now it’s time to get back to saving yourself,” Charlotte stated.

“I haven’t had a drink in a month!”

“So you say.”

“What do you want me to do to prove that I’m sober? Take a breathalyzer, you want me to pee in a cup?” the brunette asked desperately.

“You cut into a patient’s head after you’d been drinking.”

“And both that patient and Pete survived because of me,” Amelia pointed out, defending herself.

She felt so defeated. She knew that Charlotte probably didn’t trust her, but she had the chip right there as proof. She was willing to do whatever it took to get back to operating. She wouldn’t volunteer to pee in a cup for just anything.

“What if the next one’s not so lucky?” Charlotte asked.

Charlotte walked away, and Amelia watched her leave, wide-eyed and disappointed by how that had gone. She swallowed hard. She had to hope that maybe the other woman would change her mind. She turned the chip over in her hand before squeezing it tightly. She just had to keep trying to stay sober.

“Amelia?”

Amelia looked up, shocked to see Owen standing next to her in a pair of scrubs. She hadn’t heard form him in a month. He never did call her, despite the fact that she waited for days hoping that he would. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I work here now, what are you doing here?” he asked.

“This was your big interview?” she asked. “You were applying for a job here?”

“Yeah, I’m a surgeon.”

“That makes two of us then,” she said. “You worked at Seattle Grace, didn’t you? That’s where I knew I recognized you from, you were working there. I passed by you once or twice when I was there seeing my brother.”

“Your brother..”

“Derek Shepherd. Mr. Perfect neurosurgeon with overly coiffed hair.”

“Yeah, I’m friends with Derek, I didn’t realize that you’re his sister.”

“You didn’t call me,” she said, crossing her arms.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said honestly. “I knew you had been drinking and I really didn’t want to be that creepy guy who calls when you might not even remember giving me your number. So I figured it was best if I left it alone. I also didn’t think I’d be seeing you again. Not that that’s a good excuse, but it’s true,” he said. “If you don’t mind me asking, what was that all about, the thing with you and Dr. King?”

“I do mind. It’s not any of your business,” she said. “Look, I should go. I’ll see you around at some point I guess.”

She didn’t give him a chance to say anything back before she walked away. She understood his reasons for not calling her back, but that didn’t make her any less upset by it. Amelia’s emotions were running high, things were just not going the way she had hoped they would and it was really getting to her.

--

Owen walked through the hallway of the practice, reading the names printed on the outside of all the offices. After his run in with Amelia at St. Ambrose, he felt bad. He just wanted to talk to her. After talking to Addison, he found out that Amelia was off the rotation. He had asked Addison where he could find Amelia, and once she directed him, he went to see her. He had time. As he got closer to one of the offices with a closed door, he could begin hearing her voice. He stopped, listening to what was being loudly said to whoever it was that was in there with her. He was far enough away that he couldn’t see who it was through the slightly closed blinds.

“Look, one in ten people is an alcoholic or an addict. And only one in ten of those people even tries to get help. I have been sober for years, and I am sober again, but do I get any credit from Charlotte? No. Because I made the mistake of helping her when she needed me, and because I had a few drinks over a month ago! I am benched- no credit, no gratitude. So the answer to your debate, Sheldon, is everyone. I am in here hiding from everyone!”

The door opened a few moments later, and he offered a quiet greeting to Sheldon as he slipped out. Owen hovered in the doorway, knocking lightly. Her back was turned to him, and her hands were placed firmly on her hips. When she heard the knock, she moved a hand up to wipe away a tear that fell.

“Go away,” she snapped.

“Amelia, it’s Owen. Come on, don’t send me away,” he said.

She took in a heavy, shaky breath. She turned to face Owen, trying to keep her emotions in check despite how out of control they were beginning to feel. He stepped in, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the couch and looked at the woman in the room with him. She sat down at her desk, and averted her gaze from looking at him. 

“Addison told me that you’re benched,” he said. “That explains why I haven’t run into you until now. And whatever that was with Sheldon, I’m sorry.”

“What do you want, Owen?” she asked. 

“I actually came here to make it up to you for not calling. I realized I never gave you my number either, so I’d like to do that if that’s alright,” he said. “Come get food with me Saturday night,” he said. “We can have dinner and talk,” he suggested. 

“What if I say no?” 

“Then I guess I’ll be the loser guy sitting by himself in the nice restaurant looking sad and alone,” he said with a small chuckle.

“Fine,” she said, what he said making a small begin to grow on her face. “I’ll have dinner with you on Saturday.”

He stood up and pulled a piece of folded up paper out of his pocket. He placed it on her desk and took a few steps back. She picked it up and unfolded it. Written clearly was his name and number so she could enter it into his phone.

“Thank you,” she said.

“No problem,” he replied, beginning to head for the door. “One last thing. Keep your head up. Charlotte will come around. I don’t know all the details, but I do know that you just have to be patient. I heard part of what you said to Sheldon. We all have pasts, Amelia, and we all struggle. Just keep working on bettering yourself. Eventually you’ll be back doing surgeries. But hiding out from everyone isn’t going to get you anywhere,” he said softly.

He nodded slightly, and headed out of the office. Amelia looked at him and stared as he walked out, taking in everything he had said to her. It didn’t change how frustrated she felt. But he wasn’t entirely wrong. Taking out her phone, she entered his info into it. At least there was one bright side to her day now.

[moldybreadguys]

how the dillyio did I not notice this survey I was tagged in almost a month ago

@lunatics-on-the-grass was kind enough to tag Danny V in a survey, and now he must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people some cool folk!

THE LAST:

1. Drink: almost a full gallon of milk

2. Phone call: the homie Cory, who needed to know about an irresponsible thing I did last Monday

3. Text message: eh Stevie!, who I’m gonna be collabbing with on a song soon

4. Song you listened to: the theme from The Journeyman Project cuz it’s soooo good

5. Time you cried: Saturday night, in the midst of a very bad emotional night

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: yes. 10/10 do not recommend

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yeppers

8. Been cheated on: yupperoni

9. Lost someone special: oh yeah

10. Been depressed: Yes | Definition of Yes by Merriam-Webster

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: several times, typically means imma be hungover for the next day lol

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. blues

13. reds

14. silvers

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: very yes

16. Fallen out of love: it’s been a long time since I’ve felt like I was in love with someone, bub

17. Laughed until you cried: not this year

18. Found out someone was talking about you: wouldn’t be surprised

19. Met someone who changed you: several actually. one in particular hurt me really badly, but another has been a real good boon for me

20. Found out who your friends are: to an extent

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: once

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: a decent majority of them, though there are those that know me only by association

23. Do you have any pets: I wish. my apartment woulda charged me a deposit fee if I had and my parents won’t let me have one now, sooo

24. Do you want to change your name: nahh, I like being dan vallerand

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: read the entry for 7/2 here, but on my actual birthday I visited parents, met up with a girl from Patterson at a coffee shop (but it didn’t go well) and cracked open many cold ones with the boys later that night

26. What time did you wake up: 7am, cuz lol, busy morning today

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: succumbing to sleep deprivation

28. Name something you can’t wait for: honestly, a better life where I’m actually successful with my music, people like me, I have a better job, my own condo, and am with someone that genuinely cares about me and won’t disappear after 3 months

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like a few mins ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my issues with self-doubt

31. What are you listening right now: the many song fragments rumbling about in my head

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: several, lol

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: I don’t want to talk about it publicly

34. Most visited Website: idk, I never really pay attention to that

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME

35. Mole/s: one big one, but it’s been there forever

36. Mark/s: just heart surgery scars

37. Childhood dream: having friends, siblings, a bigger family, fitting in with classmates better, etc

38. Haircolour: a light brown

39. Long or short hair: eh. I don’t look good with short hair

40. Do you have a crush on someone: i doubt she feels the same

41. What do you like about yourself: my singing voice for sure!

42. Piercings: nah, i’m cool

43. Bloodtype: I genuinely don’t know but I can say I can’t give blood due to being on blood thinners

44. Nickname: Danny is most folk’s preferred one

45. Relationship status: permasingle, your choice of 7″ or 45

46. Zodiac: cancer

47. Pronouns: he/him

48. Favourite TV Show: classic Doctor Who for life, son

49. Tattoos: if I wasn’t terrified of needles then I’d have something to say here lol

50. Right or left hand: righty-tighty

51. Surgery: four heart surgeries and my wisdom teeth removed

52. Hair dyed in different color: nah, I’d look goofy af in differently colored hair

53. Sport: I like watching pro wrestling and the Raiders when they have a good season, but that's about it

55. Vacation: lol, wage slaves can’t afford nice vacations

56. Pair of trainers: i’m not one to wear those tbh

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: it was quesadilla night last night and damn son was it gooooood~

58. Drinking: milk

59. I’m about to: go eat brekkie and collab with some buddies today!

61. Waiting for: things to go right for a change

62. Want: to have a better everything, honestly. a better job, a better circle of friends, etcetera

63. Get married: it’d be nice someday, but i’m very sure the next time i’ll ever end up in a relationship is a very long time form now

64. Career: successful musician with burgeoning writing life

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs

66. Lips or eyes: eyes, I guess?

67. Shorter or taller: not important

68. Older or younger: also unimportant, cuz to me how you talk to me defines that for me

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: son of unimportant

71. Sensitive or loud: i’m leaning more towards sensitive, but not too sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship, all the way. hooking up makes me uncomfortable

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: a mix of the two

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nope, not my sorta thing

75. Drank hard liquor: a handful of times

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i have lost plenty of sunglasses in my time and it’s always thE BEST ONES O:

77. Turned someone down: yeah, a handful of times, and typically cuz i feel like it’s being forced on me

78. Sex in the first date: no, cuz if you do it too soon things get weird

79. Broken someone’s heart: i’m hoping not, but I prolly have at least once

80. Had your heart broken: *finger guns* ayyyy

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: yeah

83. Fallen for a friend: yeah, several times. sometimes it bites me in the ass

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: it varies day by day

85. Miracles: also varies, but i’m more apropos to call certain events miracles instead

86. Love at first sight: not necessarily, but if someone is very much like myself i’m more apt to connect sooner

87. Santa Claus: the age of clausability was passed a long time ago, friends

88. Kiss on the first date: deffo, if things go well and lean that way

89. Angels: *shrugs*

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: i have a rotating circle of friends, but usually it’s the people that talk to me the most. permanent ones include kenny, phil, and colton for sure though

91. Eyecolour: hazel eyes, you’re standing close to me~

92. Favourite movie: i don’t have a specific fave, so let me give you several of them - ghostbusters 2, xanadu, blues brothers, army of darkness, scary movie 2, etc *finger guns* letsa go @bilbao-song @nightingalemillo @deschaines @psi-groovin @veillees @misterkingdom @thinkingfilthy @whatdoesfriendmeantoyou @ihideinmymusic @xshot-in-the-dark

[ambient80]

“Easy way out”

I was met with my own share of ridicule growing up due to my weight. I won’t go into specifics because frankly, they aren’t important now. It’s important to know, however, that it led to me having a really low self-esteem/confidence. So, about the time I started undergrad, I decided to start dieting. 

At the time, the new hotness was the Atkins Diet. So, I figured “How hard could it be to only eat meat and such every day?” In my first month I lost a TON of weight, to the point of it being a bit concerning. Unfortunately, I quickly found out that it wasn’t the most sustainable diet, particularly due to price of groceries. 

Once I left that diet, I gained the weight back over the next 12 months or so. Once I started medical school, I did the same thing. Aaand, I got the same results: Massive weight loss, followed by gaining it back (and then some) after I couldn’t sustain it. Add in the stress that medical school puts on you, and it was just way too easy to pack on the pounds. 

Once in residency, I ended up in the hospital for about two weeks total (two different stays). After my second stay, I was placed on a very high dose of oral steroids for several months to control my vasculitis. While these made me feel great at first, I quickly suffered from their side effects, including massive weight gain. I gained about forty pounds just from that alone, as well as took a pretty massive hit to my metabolism due to the prolonged steroid use.

It didn’t take me long to break the 300 pound line, and move pretty significantly past that. Now I’m sitting around 350, and feel miserable. Low energy, not feeling comfortable in my own clothes, and having this constant “nagging” in the back of my head telling me that I looked like a slob. During my medical school rotations, I would often get comments from patients like “Oh, you’re a big guy like me!”, which certainly didn’t help how I felt, either. Other comments I would get were along the lines of “How can you tell me to live a healthier life, when you’re bigger than I am?” And, I honestly didn’t have a good answer for them.

So, finally I talked to someone (not my doctor) about weight loss surgery, and what’s the immediate reply I receive? “That’s just taking the easy way out!” For someone who already had a pretty low self-esteem level when it comes to how I look, this hurt pretty bad. Am I not strong enough to lose it on my own? Am I somehow less accomplished if I get surgery, instead of losing it “naturally”? How will people look at me/what will they think of me if I tell people what I elected to do? 

I find that generally the people who would say something like that probably haven’t struggled with their weight like I (and others) have. I’m not trying to lose ten pounds so I can look ripped, or make weight for a fight, or fit into smaller clothes. I’m trying to lose essentially an entire other person worth of weight. I’d also hardly consider having my abdomen opened and most of my stomach surgically removed an “easy way out” for losing weight. Considering the pre-and post-op preparation and recovery, I’d classify it as just a different method of losing weight, rather than easier or harder. One that I hope will help me keep the weight off for good.

Anyway, this is just a post to give some background on what led me down this road, and some insight into why I chose this path. I realize that it won’t be easy, and that I will have to make some drastic and lasting changes post-op and make them last for the rest of my life. Trust me, I’ve read just about every bit of medical literature on the subject that I can find in major journals. It’s not something I’m taking lightly, and I want to share the experience I have to hopefully provide more insight to others.

[flauntpage]

Oh No, We Suck Again- Ten Takeaways from Vikings 23, Eagles 21

I was driving home from The Station Taphouse in Doylestown last night listening to 97.5 the Fanatic after the Eagles’ 23-21 loss.

A caller, apparently on hold for 31 minutes, finally got on the air, proclaimed he was “too drunk to talk,” apologized to Joe Tordy and Joe Staszak, then hung up.

Similar to the Philadelphia Eagles, this guy wasted a good 30 minutes, tried to rally, and ultimately fell short.

Same story, different day for the Birds, who again found a way to underwhelm and disappoint, this time on home turf against a beatable team. They made mistakes, committed penalties, failed to finish drives, and couldn’t get a defensive stop when it mattered most.

It’s hard to find a single area where this team has not regressed since last season. The offensive line has been inexplicably poor. The defense continues to give up big plays at bad times. Doug Pederson does not look like the stone cold killer we saw in 2017 and Carson Wentz does not seem to be anywhere near 100% as he continues to find his feet after the ACL injury and months-long layoff.

I don’t know if it’s a Super Bowl hangover or what, but whatever moxie this team had last year is missing. Think of it as a “mojo” or a “mettle,” the sort of intangible trait that you can’t really define, but you know exists, and it pops up when guys are required to make clutch plays or get big stops or rise to the occasion with everything on the line.

That trait is totally missing right now. In addition to committing head-scratching screw ups week-in and week-out, they just don’t have the “it” factor, to use an old cliche.

It’s true that the NFC East is extremely blah right now, so that’s the glass half-full takeaway from this game. Maybe a short turnaround against a divisional foe this Thursday gets the blood pumping again and pulls the team back to .500, but they better figure it out fast, because 9-7 gets you nothing but a postseason trip to Los Angeles and 7-9 gets you nothing at all.

1) Play calling

41 called passes to 12 called running plays isn’t going to get it done.

Jay Ajayi carried the ball eight times, Wendell Smallwood three times, and Josh Adams once on what may have been Doug’s worst call of the game.

More than just the off-balance run/pass ratio, the problem here is that the Eagles aren’t establishing the ground game early. Doug ran it just five times on 19 first-half plays, one of which was a bullshit handoff before the clock ran out during the sixth series. Take that carry away and it was four runs on 18 first half plays for a 78% to 22% pass/run ratio.

Not only does that screw up the rhythm and flow in general, but offensive linemen prefer to run block instead of pass block. When you ask Isaac Seumalo to pass protect on the first four plays of the first game he’s started this season, what do you think is going to happen? Furthermore, you cannot run play-action passes when you haven’t even established the run in the first place. If I see the Eagles line up under center and use play-action one more time my head is going to explode. If you insist on trying to misdirect defenses in that way, go back to your RPO package out of the shotgun.

Sure, Ajayi might not be 100%. Corey Clement was unavailable for this one and same thing with Darren Sproles, but Smallwood is more than capable of running the ball 6-10 times per game. This is the same situation with LeGarrette Blount not getting enough work last season, then the Eagles magically got better when he started getting more involved in the offense.

Here’s a telling quote from Ajayi after the game, via Zack Rosenblatt at NJ.com:

“Obviously we want to be able to run the ball early and start that rhythm early in the beginning of the game,” Ajayi said in the locker room after the game. “If I remember correctly we had maybe three carries at the end of the first quarter.

“With the offensive line we have on this team, running the ball like that, that doesn’t make sense to me.”

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

Run the ball Doug:

2) Fringe battles and situational football

I’ve written in the past about how the Eagles generally have a lot of success winning in peripheral phases of the game – things like time of possession, third down conversion, stuff like that.

It was not the case yesterday evening:

lost time of possession, 33 minutes to 27 minutes

-1 turnover margin

2 for 9 on third down (22.2% conversion rate)

allowed Minnesota to go 4-9 on third down (36.4%)

lost 28 yards on three sacks

2 for 5 success rate in red zone

8 penalties for 52 yards

allowed a defensive touchdown

Honestly, it’s hard to believe they only fell by two points when you consider that they lost just about every fringe battle in this game. The Vikings missing a pair of field goals, which made the game seem a lot closer than maybe it actually was.

3) Mistakes

In no particular order:

Wendell Smallwood’s 3rd down drop

missed tackles in first half (corners were especially poor)

Lane Johnson getting beat easily on the Wentz fumble

Ajayi fumble

two illegal formation penalties on the offense

Jordan Matthews running out of bounds when the clock was going to stop anyway at two-minute warning

two false starts on the same drive

intentional grounding and false start on a three play, -15 yard drive after a Minnesota fumble

Similar to the above entry, this is stuff the Eagles just don’t do, or at least they didn’t do last year.

4) Personnel problems and scapegoating

Isaac Seumalo?

Swapping Isaac Seumalo for Stefen Wisniewski is going to solve the offensive line problem?

I don’t know what Doug Pederson or Jeff Stoutland have against Wis, but they jerked him around with the left guard rotation last year, which gave us a few games of Chance Warmack instead. Thing is, everybody KNEW Wisniewski was the better player and the coaching staff finally caved and ended the ridiculous platoon thing, whatever that was.

On film this year, the entire offensive line has been poor, though the tackles have been probably worse than the any of the interior linemen thus far. But you can’t bench Lane Johnson, right? That’s too risky from an optics standpoint. Wis is the safest guy to bench to send a message.

Right, so this is how Seumalo did on the first series:

Terrible series for Isaac Seumalo. Got driven back on each play. Questionable play-calling by Doug as well. Do you really want him pass blocking all 3 plays?

— Tommy Lawlor (@lawlornfl) October 7, 2018

It feels like Wisniewski is just the week five scapegoat because it’s easier to justify his benching rather than that of a bigger name player (cough, Jalen Mills).

Doug gave a non-answer when asked why he made the switch at guard:

“Obviously in fairness of both Isaac and Stefen, I want to make sure that we evaluate the film on this, and it’s going to be hard, though, because it’s a short week, short turnaround and we’re on to the Giants.

I thought initially, he played well. Isaac played well. We’ll evaluate it again and make the decision moving forward.”

Huh? Okay.

Wis had a different take:

Wisniewski: “I’m going to be honest. I’ve been playing pretty well. I really don’t think that was it. I have some theories, but I’m not going to share those publicly. …It’s frustrating. If I wasn’t a Christian, I’d probably be losing my mind."

— Zach Berman (@ZBerm) October 8, 2018

Good for him for saying that.

Also, not sure how many snaps Shelton Gibson got, but he clearly has an ability to get down the field and catch the ball. Jeffery was targeted eight times and only caught two balls, one of which came from a hard hit on a long third down pass. Dallas Goedert was not very involved on Sunday, nor was Jordan Matthews. I don’t know if Wentz isn’t seeing guys down the field or if they’re not getting open, but he’s holding the ball waaaaaaay too long and does not have the running and scrambling ability that he had pre-surgery.

5) Quotables

For what it’s worth, the common theme among the players post-game was that they were beating themselves, shooting themselves in the foot, self-inflicted mistakes, stuff like that.

A few quotes:

Jason Peters, on whether opposing defenses are doing a better job of scheming the Eagles offense:

“I can’t say that. We had mental errors. We killed ourselves a couple of times in the red zone. We got pushed back, we didn’t get points at times, and sometimes we got three points instead of seven. Right now we’re just killing ourselves.”

Zach Ertz, on the offense’s slow start:

“Not making plays, not executing. The players, we’re just not executing, and that’s the bottom line. We’re getting to the red zone, messed up consistently in the first half, then our backs are against the walls, then we start rolling. We just have to find a way to start fast. We preach it and we emphasize it during the week. It’s talked about, but we have to go out there when the game is on the line and the bullets are flying, start the game, we have to go. Our team isn’t made to – no team in the league first of all is made to – play from a deficit of 17-3. Our team, in particular, is definitely not. We want to give our defense the lead, so those guys can take off with the four guys and dominate like they always do. We just have to play better. It starts with me, I have to play better, we just have to execute.”

Malcolm Jenkins, on if he agrees with the term ‘self-inflicted’ when describing the loss:

“It’s kind of been the thing where [we’re] giving up plays when we know we shouldn’t, penalties, takeaways, turnovers, and then the lack of takeaways; most things we feel like we are doing to ourselves. We haven’t played a game yet where we felt like the team just flat out beat us. That’s the most frustrating part, but it’s up to us to correct those. Obviously with a short week it’s something that we are going to have to trust each individual to look at themselves critically, really, without practice and try to be a more disciplined team this week.”

Fair enough I guess.

6) Jalen Mills vs. Fletcher Cox

It was around 7:35 in the third quarter when Jalen Mills broke up a pair of passes to keep the Vikings out of the end zone.

Problem is, he allowed a 68-yard reception to let Minnesota into the red zone in the first place (of course the Eagles blitzed on that play and didn’t get there, but whatever).

While jawing with Adam Thielen, Fletcher Cox came over and told Mills to get back to the sideline:

Fletcher Cox had some words for Jalen Mills. #Eagles pic.twitter.com/zeRIvu8AyU

— Matt Mullin (@matt_mullin) October 7, 2018

The thing here is that Mills doesn’t understand that:

you probably should just take the moral victory and get off the field after giving up a 68 yard pass play

the optics of celebrating a pass break-up or mouthing off at an opponent look terrible WHEN JUXTAPOSED with a bad defensive play

Again, I don’t think Mills was totally horrendous on the day. He only gave up 19 yards outside of the big third quarter play and logged three PBUs in this game, but, like I wrote last week, his transgressions always look worse because he’s getting beat in open space. In this game he had zero penalties and did well in the red zone, he just got cooked badly on the one drive. Ronald Darby got beat on the Thielen touchdown, if you care about those kinds of things.

But good on Cox for telling Mills to get on with it.

7) The Michael Bennett “penalty”

Here it is, in all of its glory:

Esto fue marcado como "Rudeza al Pasador".

DE Michael Bennett (#FlyEaglesFly) llega tropezando al QB, pero no hay intención de taclearlo debajo de las rodillas.

Hasta lo sujeta para no hacer palanca.#NFL#MINvsPHI pic.twitter.com/h5g6ELEDBj

— Ivis Aburto (@IvisAburto) October 7, 2018

I get it; you can’t go low into the quarterback. But when a defensive end is rounding a blocker and getting shoved to the ground, what exactly is he supposed to do there? Nothing? Put his hands in the air and let the quarterback get away? If anything, he sort of slid down his legs and onto the ankles, where he wrapped him up and held on.

Minnesota took the 15 yard penalty and went on to score there. It was a crucial play in this game.

Bennett blew off reporters in the locker room like he always does, but Malcolm Jenkins had some good things to say about the play:

“I don’t know what he’s supposed to do. If the quarterback has the ball, I know they don’t want low hits on the quarterback, but if you’re falling down, I guess you’re supposed to just let the quarterback go. The explanation from the official was that he has to avoid that hit which means that he can’t do his job; you can’t tackle the quarterback while the quarterback has the ball.

….

What do I tell my teammate to do in that situation where he’s already falling onto the ground? The quarterback has the ball in his hands and he has to avoid the play, which literally means he has to fall and allow the quarterback to continue the down which is the antithesis of his job. It was a tough call, but we have to find a way to overcome it.”

“The antithesis of his job.” That’s an excellent way to explain how absurd it is.

Anyway, since this was a huge play in the game, I’ll drop in the entire exchange with the refereeing crew via pool reporter Reuben Frank (transcription provided by the Eagles’ PR staff):

Can you provide an explanation – at the end of the second quarter, Eagles defensive end Michael Bennett’s sack on Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins was called for roughing the passer. What did Bennett do wrong on that play? 

Walt Coleman: “He went low into the quarterback’s knees with his shoulder, with force. And the rule is that you cannot hit the quarterback low at the knee area or below with force. He got him there with his shoulder, so that’s what I had as far as roughing the passer.”

There was a crowd around Cousins. If he is coming down, how does that change the interpretation? 

Coleman: “It wouldn’t really change it at all. Somebody would have to basically push him and change his direction, change everything, in order for that not to be a foul. You just can’t hit the quarterback at the knee area or below and he got him with his shoulder with force. So that’s what I had as far as the roughing the passer.”

Is that a new rule or interpretation? 

Coleman: “No, that’s the one that’s been there for quite some time. That’s the one they put in several years ago. So that’s not a new roughing the passer. That’s a classic. That one has been there for quite some time now.”

(A “pool reporter” is basically one media member who speaks to the official after the game on behalf of everyone else. He or she shares the quotes with other outlets. There are no traditional scrums or press conferences with referees because it would just turn into a slaughter.)

8) Doug’s best call?

I do think he made the right call to kick the field goal in the third quarter to cut the lead to 14.

Why not? There was plenty of time to get a couple of scores to tie the game, more than 18 minutes.

Then, he went for two to cut the lead to six, which meant all you needed was a field goal, stop, and field goal to tie the game, OR a touchdown and PAT to win the game.

Shrug.

I thought that was a key momentum play at the time, and the Eagles had found a rhythm and were executing during that window of the game, so I didn’t have any issue going for two at that point.

9) Doug’s worst call?

Not a fan of the pitch to Josh Adams, the Eagles’ slowest running back, on 3rd and short during the second drive.

I also was not a fan of the 4th and 1 pass in the 4th quarter, the empty backfield shotgun look, but credit to Alshon Jeffery for making a hell of a catch to move the chains. Carson Wentz would have been allowed to sneak that last year, but I have a feeling they just don’t want him doing that this year on a repaired leg.

And sweet Jesus in Heaven that was a bad challenge flag on the Stefon Diggs catch. Not only did the receiver have two feet in bounds, he might have done three toe taps before getting out of bounds. I don’t know what Doug was doing there.

However –

I didn’t have a problem with the decision to punt after the fourth quarter turnover on 4th and 20. Right then it was a six point game with 9:17 remaining, and you knew you were getting the ball back eventually in a situation where a touchdown could win it. The defense needed to make a stop and didn’t get the job done.

10) Silent broadcasting

I was watching the game at a restaurant with friends, so I couldn’t hear the broadcast very well over the speakers, but I assume Eagles fans thought Joe Buck and Troy Aikman were biased and/or sucked.

I’ve personally never had a problem with either one of them, and I would prefer to listen to that pair plus Erin Andrews vs. a large majority of the other FOX crews currently working NFL games. I would certainly take Aikman and Buck over Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth, for sure.

The one thing I couldn’t wrap my head around was that it appeared as though they cut to commercial when the Panthers were about to hit that 63-yard field goal to beat the Giants. I thought the restaurant changed the channel, but nope, FOX failed to show the end of that game and went right to the Eagles jawn because of the ridiculous NFL broadcasting rules that put the networks in terrible positions.

It’s an outrage.

The post Oh No, We Suck Again- Ten Takeaways from Vikings 23, Eagles 21 appeared first on Crossing Broad.

Oh No, We Suck Again- Ten Takeaways from Vikings 23, Eagles 21 published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[seewattsididthere]

I broke my leg; it didn’t break me. Part Two: Making a miracle.

Let’s recap.  

As a refresher for those who read the first article I wrote, I’m going to provide an enormously abridged version of it in this section.  The original article can be found here.

I highly recommend you read that article first, so that you can get the most of this one.  And no, I’m not just saying that. You wouldn’t read chapter 4 of a book before chapter 1, would you?  Okay, glad we’re on the same page, moving on…

Enormously Abridged Summary:

September 2017, my lung collapsed, I had surgery in October 2017, which resulted in “permanent nerve damage” which was being treated up until March 26th, 2018, which, coincidentally, was the day that I broke my leg and tore my meniscus in a freak rock-climbing accident.  I had a lot of reasons to be sad/mad/xyz you-name-it-negative-emotion. But I decided not to feel that way, and used different methods and strategies to make this experience as painless as possible.

So Why do a Part 2?

In I broke my leg; it didn’t break me.  Your personal guide to taking an injury and making the most of it, I left you guys with the idea that no matter what happens, it’s completely up to you how you react.  Remember that? Still true. But, Part 1 was all about the initial stages, meant to prepare you for the ups and downs that inevitably come from an injury, by building your mental and emotional fortitude.  Now that we built that up, the real healing can happen.

 Healing

 9 days after breaking my leg, something big happened.

I thumped my way in to physical therapy at 8:30 am on my crutches.  I was tired, my arms ached, and I had just driven from my surgeon’s office–in Austin rush hour traffic, mind you–to pick up an order for a temporary handicapped sticker that I would have to get at the DMV (my own personal hell) that day.  But, I told myself that today was going to be a great day, so I signed in to my appointment with a smile on my face and tried to muster up enough enthusiasm for my exercises as possible. I thumped behind the PT assistant as he walked me to my first task.  I took off my brace, put down the crutches, took a deep breath, and got on what I considered to be the most painful machine in that entire building. I closed my eyes and braced myself...

I started pedaling on the exercise bike, and there was no pain.  I was shocked, this was the same bike with the same pedals that I couldn’t even make do one rotation just a week earlier.  This was huge. Then I moved on to my next exercise, and there was no pain. And the next one, no pain. My physical therapist came over and told me how it looked like my swelling was gone. I realize I haven’t seen my leg without the brace in a while.  I look down.  Both legs look about the same. I guess she’s right. She leaves me to my exercises and calls my surgeon. I do one exercise after another, and there’s still no pain. Please don’t let this be a dream.  She comes back and says it’s incredible, but I can go down to one crutch.  If it doesn’t hurt by when I come in Friday, we’ll talk about next steps. At this point, I’m simultaneously confused and about to burst with excitement.  Did my new approach actually work?

I leave the office with one crutch, huge grin, and unparalleled gratitude for this sudden change in events.  I go through that day and the next in a state of sheer awe. I have one free hand!  Look at me, carrying my own coffee mug to my desk!  It only takes me a minute to get to my car! Heck yeah, life is wonderful!  I’m so lucky to be alive! Friday can’t come fast enough!

On Friday, 11 days after breaking my leg, I am walking without crutches or pain.

My new approach worked.  Don’t believe it? Ask my surgeon, doctor, or physical therapist–all of whom initially told me I would have at least 6-8 weeks of staying off that leg, using crutches, and may even want to look into getting a wheelchair.

No, I’m not a doctor.

Not even close.  I don’t have a medical degree, the closest I ever came to performing a medical procedure was picking cactus needles out of my skin one time in the desert.  What could I possibly know about healing, right?

But, I’ve been a patient.  I’ve been a patient many times.  I’ve been a good patient, I’ve been a bad patient, I’ve been and impatient patient.  If you’re thinking that I must be some sort of genetic mutant with traits that allow me to heal fast, unfortunately I’m going to have to burst your bubble.  I’ve healed painfully slower than average, I’ve healed normally, I’ve healed quickly, and now I’ve healed miraculously.   To put this in perspective, the last time I hurt this leg, I tore my ACL and had to have surgery.  It took almost 4 months for me to completely recover, compared to the 6-8 weeks that my doctor had estimated.

 So what was the difference, what did I do?

 Well, I started with the steps in the previous article.  Haven’t read it yet?  Seriously, read it!

Then, I put my new-found time lying in bed to good use.

It started simple, the idea was that there had to be a reason why sometimes I healed faster than other times. Then, I went searching for a correlation, figuring that the best place to start was with my past injuries and hospitalizations, given the large data set I had to work with.  This started by making a list of the past injuries I’ve had, then writing every detail I could remember about them. I’m talking everything; how long it took to recover, what the doctor said the recovery time would be, if I believed that I would recover in that time, what medicines they had me take, if there was surgery or not, if there were complications, my mood when I woke up, who was around me, how they were behaving, how well I listened to the doctor’s instructions, if I saw friends– you name it I wrote it down, for all of them.

If you’re thinking, “That sounds overwhelming, I mean who has time in the day to do that?  I am so busy, I can’t even make food for myself at night, and now I’m injured and you want me to spend time dwelling on the past?! Are you nuts?”  Honestly, I probably would have thought that too at one point.  

But here’s something to think about: If I hadn’t spent the time doing this, I wouldn’t have been able to start seeing what was going wrong.  If I didn’t know why it was happening, then I wouldn’t have been able to address it. If I hadn’t addressed it, then I would still be on crutches, taking much longer to get to places and do everyday things.  So, the time that I spent doing, and learning from, this exercise ended up ultimately alleviating me from weeks of pain, giving me back days of productivity, and saving me money on all of the extra medical expenses I would have incurred.  Given my results, I would confidently say this exercise was a good investment of my time, and I’d bet that it would be a good one for you too.

  Plus! I’m going to make it easier for you, download a free printable to guide this exercise at the end of this article. So no excuses!

 Maybe you’ve only been hurt once, or maybe you always heal fast but never as fast as I did, or maybe you are reading this and not actually injured, etc. For those of you that are thinking, “What could I learn from you?  Our experiences are different.”   I’ll be the first to concede that it’s extremely unlikely that we’ve been through the same thing, and my results are just that, mine.  But, I’m asking you to stay with me here. There’s a lesson that I believe can be learned, even if you’re not injured at all.

Initial Findings

I usually didn’t trust the doctor’s estimate of time.

I mostly followed the doctor’s orders, unless it was too uncomfortable, or expensive, or inconvenient with my schedule.  

Sometimes, I was with family, who loved me, but also worried about me, were cautious around me, and warned me not to do things that they perceived to be potentially dangerous.  

I ate what I thought was healthy, as opposed to what my body was craving.

My mood was variable, and though having a good mood didn’t necessarily correlate to healing faster, having a bad mood definitely correlated to healing slower.

Digging deeper: learning about yourself, and confronting your beliefs.

Usually, at this point you’re probably thinking okay, so just do things different? That’s it?  Well yes, and no.

It’s not enough to just go through the actions.  Think of this like trying to get rid of weeds in your backyard.  You can cut them down, but if you don’t get rid of the roots, then they keep growing back.  Your patterns or “bad luck” are like the weeds, and your beliefs, thoughts, or reasons for approaching an injury the way you do are the roots.  It’s time to pull them out, dig deep if we have to, and fix what’s holding you back.

I approached this by listing my findings from the previous exercise.  Then for each of the things found:

Ask why (or what belief could have caused this)

Ask where did this belief come from?

Consciously changing the belief by writing down a new belief to replace it.

To see all of my findings and beliefs broken down, as well as a blank template for your own use, download the free printable at the end of this article!

 The making of a miracle.

There’s a chance that many of you won’t be open to accepting the answers I have to give, that you’ll find it hard to believe what I’m saying, or tell me I’m not god and I can’t possibly make a miracle happen.  That’s a chance I’m willing to take. I’m aware that my ideas won’t resonate with everyone (I mean, what a tall order, what idea ever has?), but that’s okay. In this section, I’m writing to the people who need to hear this.  One person finding relief is worth more to me than 100 people disagreeing with me is.

Controversy and affirmations.

Now, I’ve been dabbling in the self-help world for a while.  I regularly go to therapy, listen to motivational speakers, read self-help books, and write down my goals.  But, the idea of affirmations had always been one I didn’t quite buy, even though everything I took in talked about them and how great they were.  But every time I saw someone mention them, I found myself thinking something along the lines of this:

Seriously?  I’m more rational than that, I’m a scientist for heaven’s sake.  You’re really going to tell me that by repeating phrases to myself–out loud–that I’m going to magically bring the things I want to me?  What if my roommate is at home, I mean she’s caught me talking to my cat more than once, and probably already thinks I’m crazy, if I did that too, she’d really think I’ve gone insane. Let’s skip past this part and get to something more practical.

Sound familiar?  Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t.  Point is, that I’ll be the first to admit it sounds totally unbelievable that affirmations could work.

A turning point for me came recently.  Right after I got injured, a book I ordered a while back was delivered. The book was called “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay.  She literally cured herself of cancer.  CANCER.

As I read, she too talked about the power of affirmations, and all these things that I had been so eager to throw in the pile of wacky-doesn’t-make-sense-crap before.  It took until reading about affirmations in that book, for me to finally ask myself the question: could this really work? I searched the web for scientific papers that discussed this.  I actually found quite a bit more than I intended, and mostly, the verdict was yes. Okay... so the scientist inside me could wrap my head around it… I busted out laughing, (really glad my roommate wasn’t around for that, she would have totally thought I was crazy), threw up my hands, and told god, or the universe however you want to explain it, “Okay, you’ve won, I’ll play.”

After doing the exercise of writing down and changing my beliefs, I turned my new-found beliefs into daily affirmations.  In eleven days, I was back on my feet.  

Isn’t it funny how sometimes you’re surrounded by the answer, but you’re fighting it?

When we are kids, we believe in miracles.  At some point, most of us grow up and lose our connection to that belief.  Don’t be like me and wait until you’ve literally had to break your leg to start believing that miracles can happen.  I’ve found the easiest logic to explain them, is that we as humans do not currently know all there is to know. Think about it: even top scientists at NASA get stumped with things in the universe that they can’t explain.  There were so many things once considered impossible, until someone did it: building a machine that allowed humans to be in the sky, going deep in the ocean, eating 73.5 hot dogs AND buns in 10 minutes are all examples of this.

So, if you want something miraculous to happen, I’m going to strongly suggest you do these:

Read the previous article and actually do the things it asks you to.  We need to build our mindset.

Spend time examining your past injuries or situations.

Figure out what beliefs caused you to act, or behave the way you did in that situation.

Substitute your old beliefs with new beliefs, and write the new ones down.

Use these new beliefs to guide how you approach your situations from now on.

Say them out loud as affirmations.  Put saying them on your to-do list each day.  Do it in the car. Just do it.

Get a copy of Louise Hay’s Book, and read it.

Keep your faith in miracles strong.

I’m going to leave you guys with one of my favorite quotes:

“Trade in your drama about how you can’t have what you want for the grateful expectation that miracles will walk into your life, and the more commonplace those miracles will become.”

–Jen Sincero, You are a Badass (another book that I strongly recommend reading)

 Sincerely,

Taylor

[foulfurywombat-blog]

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Best/cheapest car w/ durability and power?

I'm going to buy a car in the near future, but I'm just having some trouble finding a good one. Here is a list of what I'm looking for: -0-60 in less than 7 seconds -Over 20 MPG -Easy to work with -A few aftermarket parts -Manual -CHEAP INSURANCE!!! Optional: -Not a convertible -RWD preferred. -DURABLE Thanks for your replies!""

I have a Mazda 6 ... whats the cheapest Car insurance I should get for it? per month?

What's the cheapest car insurance to get on a Mazda 6...2008? Expected Monthly payments, ect. I am currently at 70/month... with Allstate but I wanted to know if there was a cheaper service out there.""

Help PLEASE!! Auto Insurance Question?

I have a question concerning auto insurance. I recently totaled my vehicle at no fault of my own. Long story short the insurance company is offering me a few thousand more than Kelly Blue Book states the vehicle is actually worth. But what theyre offering is substantially lower than that which is outlined on the Declarations for Policy paper under value. Thing is, Ive verbally accepted the amount over the phone. Now theyre sending papers to sign over the vehicle. When I phoned the agency, I was informed by the assigned adjuster that he cannot offer more. I dont really believe him, afterall insurance companies are known for trying to take advantage of people. Heres the dilema, if theyre offering more than KKB and under the value on the policy. I assume theyre just trying to avoid paying what the real value is. Any help with this will be greatly appreciated. I have little knowledge in this, I just turned 22 years old and this was my first car.""

Age for car insurance?

I have heard that you cannot get your own car insurance policy untill you are 18. Is this true for new york state?

How much will gas and insurance cost for me?

I will be driving at least 30 miles per day on week days and about 12 miles per day on the weekend. I am 18 and in college. I haven't gotten my driver's license but plan to take the test in a month or two. I don't know what the MPG of my car will be as I have not purchase it yet but I can almost guarantee it will be fairly old so that may help determine it somewhat. An estimate on a cheap car would be nice too.

Health Insurance Out of State?

I have pectus excavatum and I live in Marshalltown Iowa. I want to get a cosmetic procedure done called the nuss procedure. Most insurance companies say they cover this surgery. I know for a fact that my condition is severe enough that I could get the procedure done. I also want to get the procedure done out of state because the only doctor that's able to do it in Iowa blows and nearly killed 2 people. What type of insurance do I need specifically need for this? I can spend 300-350$ maximum but would like to spend 200-250$ for insurance. Pectus excavatum is classified as a pre-existing medical condition so I have been told that it would be hard for me to get insurance. Right now I have IowaCare which is a joke and only covers surgery or hospitalization in Iowa City. Thanks!!!

Cheap car insurance in uk?

i am looking for cheap car insurance, the problem being i am 25 past my test nearly 2 yrs ago, need to be fully comp, and own a citroen which is an 02. most insurance comps want 2000""

Why is guico car insurance cheaper than allstate?

Why is guico car insurance cheaper than allstate?

Pregnant and no health insurance - Maine?

I am canadian who just got a visa to move to maine to live with my US husband - I still work in Canada and cross daily. 3 nights ago I found out I was pregnant. I called my blue cross to see what it covered in the USA and when I told them I moved from NB they promptly cancelled my insurance. My husband doenst have insurance and because of my salary in Canada we dont quality for medicaid or mainecare. so no insurance, no mainecare and no money...... I also cannot have the baby in Canada now as they cancelled my medicare when I moved...... so this is worst situation I have ever been in...... I have wanted to be a mother for years but I cannot afford 15000 to have a baby ...... I am honestly contemplating an abortion.....""

Car insurance help please?

so i stoped by at state farm agency last week and got a quote, she told told me to call her the next day if i wanted it. So i called and told her that i want it. They havent sent me my card in the mail yet. Last night i was in my neighborhood coming back home and this guy opened his door and hit the front of my car. The cop asked for my license and proof of insurance, i gave him the license and told him that i havent got the insurance card yet. He is giving me till tonight to provide it but when i called state farm they told me that i am not insured and that i have to call on Monday to talk to that same lady that i talked to when i got i. I dont know what to do, i have nevr been in a situation like this before. Please help""

Where can i get free insurance when buying my first car???

im looking to buy my first car, and was wondering if i would be able to get free years insurance from a local dealership, or is it only mainstream dealerships do that? im looking to spend 1000 on a car, but 2000 if i can get free insurance, how would i be able to get this? Im 17, if age takes any part in this, and living in britain.""

Why is my car insurance quote 1700 more if women and men are meant to have the same premium?

After an EU court of justice ruling I believe that male and female insurance is supposed to be the same? I have a quote as a male at 2800 whilst 1100 as a female? these were found on a comparison site. Why is this allowed and what can I do about it? thanks!

Car insurance cheaper in New Orleans, LA or Suffolk County, New York??

My daughter recently moved to New Orleans, LA as an intern temporarily....does anyone know if automobile insurance, all things being equal, will be more expensive in New Orleans, Louisiana or Suffolk County, New York ??? much thanx all

Cooperative young drivers insurance car modification?

Hi, I am looking forward to install a tuning box/chip tuning into my car, it is a under the hood performance modification and doesnt show anything on the exterior. Thanks!""

WHAT CAR INSURANCE COMPANY IS THE CHEAPEST IN NJ?

WHAT CAR INSURANCE COMPANY IS THE CHEAPEST IN NJ?

How much would insurance cost?

How much would insurance be if I bought a Mustang GT or GT Premium coupe with a 4.6L V8 and 260hp? I'm 15 and in driver's ed, one of the best in class, I make all A's in school, if that matters, and I'd prefer an estimate for liability and full coverage. By the way, I'm a good driver, I'm more concerned with driving smooth than driving fast. I want a Mustang GT because my friend has one and I love it. It would be a 2000-2004 model and I live in Alabama""

Do I have to buy health insurance in New Mexico?

I recently moved to New Mexico and started a new job. Now I am being told that I have to buy health insurance from my employer, or prove that I am covered under another policy. I am only 21, but I am a smoker and I know this will be expensive. I do not go to the doctor, and have not since I was 10. Do I have to buy coverage I won't use? Is there a way around this?""

Is it true people cannot afford health care insurance?

Is it true people cannot afford health care insurance? Or would many rather spend their money on weed, crack, strippers, whores, booze, cigarettes, gambling, body piercings, tattoos, cell phones, internet, cable, eating out, fast-food and other luxuries? People can afford health care; they chose to spend their money on other things.""

Anbody have Good2go auto insurance?

My fiance and I recently found out that our policy has been cancelled (literally had no idea) so we have to find a cheap car insurance fast. Good2go is known for being cheap- but does anybody have it??? Please let me know how you like it- it almost looks a little sketchy lol. If anyone else knows how to get CHEAP car insurance in NJ please speak up! We just had 21st Century. He has a perfect driving record, I have made some mistakes in the past- which is why everything is so high for us. If anyone knows a loophole or anything let me know! Thanks!""

Cost of 49cc moped insurance?

I'm 15 and looking into getting a moped. I know you have to register the moped and take a premit test to legally drive it but do you need insurance for a moped in iowa? Ive got a 4.0 and i also heard that if you get good grades it would be even lower insurance costs. How much would it cost for insurance if the moped is a 2010 and has less than 1000 miles on it?

Insurance and tax for a corsa?

im looking at buying a 06 (56) Vauxhall Corsa 1.4i 16V SXi 5dr for a 1st time car and was wondering how much would insurance, tax and a MOT usually cost for this kind of car?""

How much for car rental insurance?

hi i will be renting a car for 2 weeks and i need to know whether it is necessary to take car insurance and how much would it cost? also will it vary if I am less than 24yrs of age? i do not own a car and so dont have any auto insurance. i just need to know an approx figure... :)

Is the cost of car insurance changed more by cost of the car or of the person driving it?

Is the cost of car insurance changed more by cost of the car or of the person driving it?

Car insurance question...?

If you have insurance on a car, is the car covered in a wreck no matter who's driving it?""

A IF Car insurance question?

For example. Got a insurance paper from Jan 1st 2010 to Jan 1st 2011 But i stoped the insurance at June 2010 for example, after that i get pulled at July so police checked the papers and see its still with insurance and let me go? How you think about it? Means you dont have to pay insurance and wont get res until you got into a accident and the other side wants to tell the insurance company?""

Car insurance... Who are you insure with/best quotes. Will choose quick best answer.?

Who is the cheapest insurance company o go with for a 20 year old male whom has been driving for 3 years. Getting insure on a mazda 6. Thank you

Is it okay to drive your parents car but dont have insurance yet but your parents gave permission to drive it?

Like if i was to be pulled over which I plan on not being because I drive very carefully but with cops now a days they will pull you over for no reason and just follow you and pull ...show more

""17 yr old in uk, looking for any tips to get cheaper car insurance.?""

looking for helpful tips to legally lower the price of my car insurance ie what company to go with, whether i should put my mum on my policy etc.""

What's the average price of new driver's insurance?

For the longest time I didn't want to drive anywhere. I live in a big city, I can bus or bike where I need to be. But I've been forced into getting a drivers license, and will need to get a car soon. What's the average cost of insuring a typical used car with a 28 year old male new driver?""

Car Insurance and clueless teenagers?

Considering the kind of questions we are getting by 16 year olds regarding car insurance we could safely assume that they aren't ready to drive at all! Maybe raise the minimum age to 18? Might even save a few lives!

I can't afford this forced health insurance by my college! help!?

My college is telling me that it is mandatory by law that as a full time student, that I have health insurance. I will be getting my own separate health insurance at the end of the month, but tell then i have to pay the full amount with the health insurance ($1,695) I can't afford that! is there anything i can do? they told me i can't request a deferral. i don't live on campus. I only paid $200 a month last year, (I had my own insurance) but I also received less in financial aid. all of this access payment is just for health insurance! is there ANYTHING i can do?""

Good auto insurance providers?

I am 21 and just getting first car and looking for some good insurance companies with affordable rates?

Best non-owner liability coverage insurance?

What is the best non-owner liability coverage insurance in New York ?

New Car Insurance?

I just bought a new car. I put down $7,000 and am paying $197/month for five years. I purchased car insurance, and the monthly premium is $358. Is this too much? I'm 18 years old, and I live in Colorado. I know it's going to be high because I'm a teenager and it's a new car, but does this seem like it is too high?""

How much would it be for insurance on two vehicles if one was a classic?

I am buying a car soon, and i am getting two one is going to be a 1990 GMC Sierra z71 stepside, and the other one is going to be and older car from a 1970-1973, do any of you have a clue how much it would cost a month or would i have to go to an insurance company to do that""

Cheap car insurance for 17 year old?

very cheap car insurance like (up to 1500)

Are there any states that don't require auto insurance?

I don't like paying for insurance so I was wondering if I could avoid it by moving.

USAA insurance for motorcycles?

Does anyone know what motorcycle insurance through USAA would cost for a female beginner between the ages of 18-24? first bike (let's say a Buell Blast, if the type of motorcycle matters), never had any accidents or speeding tickets, and passed all the safety courses, etc. I'd look it up myself, but for some reason the website isn't letting me look at the motorcycle section right now. Thanks in advance.""

Car insurance cheaper in New Orleans, LA or Suffolk County, New York??

My daughter recently moved to New Orleans, LA as an intern temporarily....does anyone know if automobile insurance, all things being equal, will be more expensive in New Orleans, Louisiana or Suffolk County, New York ??? much thanx all

Need advice for car accident with allstate insurance?

My boyfriend got into an accident 2 weeks ago. Basically it was a 5-car pileup. The two cars in front of my boyfriend left the scene because they had no damage. The lady (Lexus driver and Allstate insurance carrier) who actually hit a Toyota Corolla (Traveler's Insurance carrier), which in turn hit my boyfriend's Ford Escort is not returning phone calls and did not give a statement to Allstate. She did give a statement to the Corolla's insurance company but basically claimed that the Corolla hit the Escort then hit her Lexus, which makes no sense because the Corolla didn't back up! He got estimates on his bumper from the Allstate and Travelers insurance companies which came back between $1100-$1600. He just wants to do a cash in lieu and get it fixed by a friend of his. Is it possible for him to just go after the Corolla's insurance company or does he have to continue to wait for the Allstate's policy holder to respond back to Allstate?!""

Mini Coopers? Cheap? Insurance? Safe? First car!?

i'm 17 and was wondering if a mini cooper would be a good first car. i never really wanted one, my one of my friends is like obsessed with them and since then i've been looking into it. i know they have 5 star safety rating so they're very safe and easy to control and can fit into small parking spaces because, well, they're small =) But how about insurance? Is that cheap? I mean if i'm getting a used one? Not a sporty model or anything. And what about maintenance? And is it fuel-friendly? Or would it be like driving a hummer? Considering what I've seen and read about it, it can either be really expensive if you buy the wrong model and the new car, OR it can be very effecient and affordable if you buy a used one and the right model. Can you help me out here? Thanks =)""

""OHIO: I'm 17, and got cited for failure to stop at a 4-way stop...got in accident...price?""

I live in Akron, Ohio. But I got cited in Salem, Ohio. I got cited for failure to stop at a 4-way stop sign. and got in a wreck. my car is fine. I was going speed limit (25). Other car, minor problems. I have to go to court. This is my first wreck, and citation. I drive a nissain altima 2003, my parents own. -how many points will i get on my license? -how much will my ticket be? -is there anyway the charges will be dropped? -how much will insurance go up? Thank you sooo much! sorry the police just weren't very helpful. I have statefarm insurance!!""

Is there a site I can get insurance quotes online without someone calling me?

I'm trying to compair car insurance companys and renter's insurance, but I just want a estimate. All the sites I try tell me that an agent will contact me. I really just want to compare prices over the internet.""

Dog life and health Insurance?

In June I got my first dog ever, he's part Yorkie and Chiuua. He's 4 months old and I'm wrecking my brain looking for resonable insurance for him, can someone please help me, I am on a budget, however, I have health and life insurance for myself and granddaughter, my new baby should be covered as well. But I don't have a clue and I don't want to get ripped off either. Thanks""

How much would the car insurance for a Dodge Challenger 392 STR8 be?

Considering that it's for a 20 year old with two other adults included in the insurance plan of State Farm *If you have any information please help, this is for a Driver's Education project""

Social insurance number?

i'm living in alberta and have my social insurance number but i'm moving to saskatchewan, is there a form i need to fill out online or do i have to go to the provincial building?""

""People that live in miami only, car insurance problem :(?""

me and my boyfriend r trying to move out, its really necesary because my parents r moving far and if i go with them i cant see him again, anyways we have enough money, we both have ...show more""

Commercial business insurance and homeowners insurance?

I am closing soon on a small commercial property. It is a smaller restaurant/bar and has an apartment in back where I will be living. I'm a little confused regarding insurance. Do I get commercial business insurance for the building, and then separate homeowners insurance for the small apartment in back? Though I feel that would be strange as it's one large building essentially. Just curious what others have done, it's too late to call now, yet I will in the morning.""

Which minivan has the cheapest insurance for a NEW driver?

looking at second hand minivans - been doing some rough online insurance calculations but so far all above 1000. any body know any minivans which will have a low insurance for a NEW driver

""How much is your full coverage insurance cost? 19 year old, 2 speeding tickets, live in WA, for Celica GTS?""

I know it varies from place to place, based on driving record, car, etc, etc etc. Im just looking to get average insurance costs. I am 19 years old, I have two speeding tickets (both 30 mph over), student, live in WA, insuring a clean title 2003 Toyota Celica GTS. What are you paying on average for similar discriptions.""

Do I have to include my husband on my auto insurance policy?

Without him on it, my monthly bill would only be $44. With him on it, it's $135. Do I legally have to include him on the policy?""

Should i have my g2 licence for sure to get my auto insurance?

I've my international driving permit and g1 license.... but when i try to get auto insurance quote in the internet... The results are not given,if i mention i have my international driving licence or G1 licence.... So this is making me wonder, only if i have g2 licence... its possible to get my car insurance in canada? ... Please help.""

How does uninsured motorist effect me and the insurance company?

if i get in a car accident with someone that dosnt have car insurance how does this effect me and the insurance company

""If you're 17 and you're borrowing your parent's insured car, do you have to have your own insurance?""

I am 17 and recently got my license and while my parents are deciding whether to get me a car or not, they are letting me borrow theirs. Both of their names are added to the insurance of the car, does my name have to be added too? Or can I simply drive their car on their insurance?""

Does anyone know how the Access Insurance works in AZ?

I hear its state wide insurance coverage for those who cant afford or have insurance....

Are there any sites where I can compare average insurance rates by model?

I want to get an idea of how much it would cost to insure different cars, but I don't want a quote because they will never leave me alone.""

Help with car insurance quote please?

If I have my own insurance it's 2,400, But if I put my girlfriend on it, it comes down to 600 but she's only got a provisional and I have a full uk licence were both 17 Just wanted to know how it comes down so much if she can't legally drive a car...without someone with experence? Or should I stop complaing?""

""If you already have insurance on vehicles, does it cost to add another?""

I already have insurance through my parents and I'm thinking about buying a car for myself (I'm 19 and in college, I have a job) Does it cost more to add another car onto their insurance policy?""

Can I get free health insurance?

I just paroled out of prison. I don't have a job yet. Is there any free health insurance available to me? I moved in with my brother, who has a good job and his own insurance. will his household income affect my options of getting low income insurance? Thanks""

Hi im an 18 yr old male and have my permit but want to get car insurance whats my best bet?

i dont have a car, 18 yr old male, have a permit, CANNOT be put under my parents insurance.""

How much is car insurance for me?

If you are a sixteen year old with A's and B's, no accident/criminal history, about how much would insurance be on a 1968 olds 442 convertible with a V8? Please don't consider me stupid if this is unanswerable, I just don't want to put my information onto an auto insurance website.""

How do I know what medication is covered under my insurance?

I have BlueCross BlueShield, and my card has an Identification Number, Group, and Plan Codes. But how do I know what medication is covered for me? Can I find this on the website?""

Car insurance without a license? Help?

Hi. So my dad just bought me a car in Chicago. We live in North carolina. I need to transfer the title and get it registered, but i think i need insurance first. I also need proof of insurance to get my license. I dont know who will give me insurance without a license and a car that hasnt been transfered into my name yet in North carolina. So what do I do? what insurance companies have policies for somebody like me where i can spend a decent amount. I'm think 250 max a month. and yeah my parents dont wanna put me on their insurance.""

What do the insurance companies(in Maryland) consider a sports car?

I'm looking into getting a 1997-2001 Mitsubishi eclipse or a 1997-2004 Toyota celica. I've talked to different people around here and some say they consider them sports cars and others r saying that they r family cars because they have 4 seats and you can put people in the back. So I'm thinking that cars like Nissan 350z's and corvettes are sports car to them. Pls help me! I don't want to pay the insurance of a sports car. Is there a way I could get around it if they are considered sports cars.

Car insurance cheaper in New Orleans, LA or Suffolk County, New York??

My daughter recently moved to New Orleans, LA as an intern temporarily....does anyone know if automobile insurance, all things being equal, will be more expensive in New Orleans, Louisiana or Suffolk County, New York ??? much thanx all

How can i get affordable insurance for my pregnant wife?

im not sure what my options are at this point. my wife is 4 months pregant and her temporary 45 day medical has expired and healthy families wont accept her. we've tried to apply for medical before but were denied due to my income. my income looks more than it is since i have to spend over $500 a month in gas with no compensation. we have very little wiggle room when it comes to income. is there something out there that may be able to help us. we also have two other children but i was able to get them healthy families

Libs the challenge is still open Find a reputable source that states the AVERAGE premiums/deductibles...?

Have gone down AFTER the Affordable care act aka Obamacare. All I'm seeing is that its cheaper for a few but, going up significantly for the majority. On top of that millions of people are losing their current plan and being forced to pay more. CBS: ObamaCare forcing millions to lose their insurance http://hotair.com/archives/2013/10/25/cbs-obamacare-forcing-millions-to-lose-their-insurance/ I ask this earlier with no success http://www.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20131026173956AAYY3AC""

What are typically the cheapest auto insurance company in Massachusetts?

I currently am with MetLife but they increased charges this year, so I'm looking to change the company. Any suggestions to cheaper auto insurance? Thanks!""

Do I need to tell the insurance agent?

I am in Oregon, and still switching things over from being in California. I'm planning on getting Oregon car insurance. I'm living with my cousin's family, and her daughter has her drivers permit and likes to practice, so she drives my car with me in the passenger seat because I'm over 21 with a license. I hadn't thought of this before, but should I mention this to the insurance agent for my new car insurance? Or will I just get charged extra fees?""

How can I get dental and medical insurance?

I turned 18 back in 2011 and now I'm not on my mom's dental or medical insurance. How do I get dental and medical coverage?

""Which car insurance firms will insure a Mexican, non resident, for a short duration on my car insurance?""

I require an additional driver on a car insurance policy, I'm a UK resident and require a Mexican with only a Mexican license to drive. Any ideas?""

Home owners insurance check made out to mortgage company and me?

Evidently my insurance co made out the check to both myself and my mortgage bank (too bad I didn't realize it before I deposited it at the ATM this morning...) for siding and roof hail damage. I was on hold for over 40 minutes today waiting to talk to a rep at the mortgage bank (PNC). I hung up and will call back tomorrow when I have more time to listen to bad music. What's the normal procedure for handling this? The check was only for $6800. I may hold off a bit on some of the repair, and do some of it myself. I've already made arrangements for a window replacement ($900 vs the $450 the ins co gave me). There's a PNC Bank just down the street. Any ideas on whether they can handle it there?""

Permanent Life Insurance - Why?

I am 32 (married, 1 daughter) and am looking to have about 700,000 in life insurance. I can get most of this insurance in a 30 yr Term Insurance at a good rate. My question is: within 30 yrs, my kids will have finished college and moved out. If so, would my Term Insurance suffice or should I look at getting some Permanent Life Insurance? Why would I need permanent life insurance? I read on the internet that Permanent Life Insurance is used for burial costs and to pass money on to my heirs. What if I can accomplish both of those through just my personal finances? So my question is: why would one ever consider permanent life insurance""

How much on average would liability insurance cost after 2 dwi's (5 years ago)?

It's been over 5 years (and sober!). I'm on a tight budget though and need a car for work now. I already figured what the interlock will cost me, but I have no idea on insurance. I don't know if it will be $100-$300 a month. After the first DWI (bad college years), it was about $125 a month I think. So I'm really hoping it stays under $250 at least a month just for liability. Anyone have any ideas? Thanks :)""

Where to get cheap insurance for a young driver?

I'm 17 getting insured on my mums yaris 1.0, don't mind if it's got one of them box things that measures speed etc. Just wondering If anyone can recommend anyone they have used and have got a good quote from thanks Ed""

Cheapest car insurance in san antonio?

Cheapest car insurance in san antonio?

""In your opinion, who has better idea how make health care insurance affordable - B. Obama or W. Buffet?""

In your opinion, who has better idea how make health care insurance affordable - B. Obama or W. Buffet?""

Health Insurance?

I've recently changed jobs. The job that I have right now doesn't offer insurance at the moment. While looking for affordable health insurance I got injured playing soccer (I was diagnosed with torn ACL). Any idea what shoud I do now? According to the doctor the surgery can wait few months. Should I hide my injury from the insurance company and get the insurance, then after some time fix my knee etc? Please help.""

Autoplan insurance in Vancouver?

Hi everyone, i am new to British Columbia and i will be living in canada for a very long time. I wanna ask you guys a question that suppose i have a driving license here ( N ) and i own a car under 20,000 dollars ( not included tax ). Then, how much do you think i have to pay for just the basic car insurance and the tax ? Thank you very much Best wishes to you guys and your family""

Do most parents pay for their children's car insurance?

Ok, don't rant at me, I'm asking this question innocently. Basically, I want to know if it's common for parents to pay for their children's car insurance (I'm thinking of those 17, 18, 19, etc. who just passed their test and haven't moved out), or if the child is usually made to pay it themselves? I don't know if part time jobs will cover the cost or what (especially as I imagine they will usually pay for their own petrol), but 3000 a year does seem quite a bit for a teenager to be able to afford. And seems like more and more youngsters are getting cars... I don't think I would expect my parents to pay for mine when I pass my test, but then again I don't know how I'd be able to afford it myself either... So I'm looking for some insight on the topic.""

Bike insurance for a cbr 600?

i live in halifax nova scotia in a rural area and was woundring how much it would cost just for plpd i allready have a bike witch is a 200cc and it cost me 300 and some odd dollors for the year woundring how much it would be for a cbr 600 year around 1998-2005 and i took a drivers course for bike and car and been with my insurance company for about a year now for my bike would they give me any speacials. also i have gotten no tickets or crashed got a clean slate.

Health insurance question for California.?

I am sixteen and my mother is low income. Is there a state program for health insurance in California?

Can car insurance co. replace my damage car if they are at fault?

Can car insurance co. replace my damage car if they are at fault?

Car Insurance Claim for a respray?

My Ford Galaxy 1998 has lots of scratches all over the body work. Some are malicious where someone has keyed the car, others are from where a car has parked next to me and scratched mine, but the most recent one is from when i reversed into a pillar and scratched the back end. The question i'm asking everyone is am i able to claim on my car insurance for the malicious scratches? For the damage done by another car that i didn't report? And also the damage i caused? I have 6 years no claims bonus (protected) will it be affected? and an excess of 150. Am i able to make a claim for all the damage or will i need to pay where i have damaged it? Any advice please.""

Looking for quality boat insurance that does not cost an arm & a leg?

Looking for quality boat insurance that does not cost an arm & a leg?

Can my fiance add me to his insurance plan?

and is it more convenient than individual? (insurance through his work)

Where i can find the cheapest car insurance rates for my 18 year old daughter? What I've seen so far is 2 $$$$

Where i can find the cheapest car insurance rates for my 18 year old daughter? What I've seen so far is 2 $$$$

Motorcycle insurance cost?

thinking about getting a motorcycle and wanted to get an idea of how much the insurance would cost. thinking about either a 2000 rebel or an 06 ninja 250. just want an idea of what to expect.

How much does car insurance cost for 17 years old driver?

My parents have their policy from travelers and i tried getting quote online. What it showed for 2002 NISSAN MAXIMA that i have to pay 600 for month and for liability insurance 450 I think thats wrong information because my friend is 16 and pay 186 for 2 full coverage insurance and one liability. Any one had experience or know some information about 17 year old insurance rates please help me. THANK YOU.

How Much Of Your Income Can You Use On A Car?

How much of your income is it appropriate to use on a car? I am not talking about insurance or gas, just the retail price of the car. Would you say as low as 1%, 5%, 10%, 15%, or what? Thanks.""

Car insurance cheaper in New Orleans, LA or Suffolk County, New York??

My daughter recently moved to New Orleans, LA as an intern temporarily....does anyone know if automobile insurance, all things being equal, will be more expensive in New Orleans, Louisiana or Suffolk County, New York ??? much thanx all

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-can-i-get-car-insurance-quote-im-under-18-marieke-fleming"