#I’m not sure if I should tag Etho or not

[boobilby]

I guess I was ever so slightly inspired by ethos thumbnail which is under the cut

[shepscapades]

This file is named “Destruction BREAKDOWN” because of me. It’s me. I’m having the breakdown

[dogerbooger]

I KNOW VALENTINES DAY IS ALMOST OVER BUT BOAT BOYS.... THE ONLY DUO EVER I DONT KNOWNIF UR STILL TAKING REQUESTS BUT BOAT B

It is in fact no longer the V of days, but I mean I got it done soooooo…also technically these aren’t ship posts so I can just do these whenever I feel like (and by extension, anyone can request at anytime)! So basically I just used this as an excuse to draw people together so you’re all good anon lmao

Besides that, you’re so right anon they are truly the duo of all time!!! It is quite silly seeing them mention each other when the other isn’t around lol

[watarfallar]

Incorrect quotes because I'm worried about how many people are gonna lose their last life this session

Pearl: How do you do that? Tango: I'm fearless. Scott: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad. Tango: I'm mostly fearless.

Jimmy: Hi- Martyn: Leave before there's a terrible misunderstanding between my foot and your ass.

BigB: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. BigB: Lmao, @ Impulse.

Etho as a child: I can’t wait to grow up and have cool adventures! Etho now: I can’t wait to go to bed.

Scar: I don’t even use tubberware anymore. Skizz: What are you saying? Say it again. Scar: Tubberware. Skizz: Say it again. Slow. Scar: Tubberware. Skizz: Slow, very slow - actually, say the first syllable. Scar: Tub. Skizz: Wrong. Scar: What do you mean, wrong? Skizz: I thought I caught that. You’re saying tub. It’s P. Scar: What are you talking about? Skizz: Tupperware. Tupper. Scar: It’s tupper! Skizz: It’s tupper, always has been, always will be. Scar: I thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub.

Scott: Why are you doing this? Cleo: Same reason I do everything, Scott. To get somebody to like me.

Joel: Do you even know what an amulet is? Grian: Of course I do! I eat amulets sometimes. I like the ones with cheese and onions! Joel: Grian, those are omelettes. Grian: Oh. Then I’ve got nothing.

Pearl: Guys it’s a shooting star, let’s make a wish! Mumbo: I wish for good grades. Etho: Nerd. Mumbo: Nevermind, I wish upon the shooting star to fall down at a 30° velocity aiming for Etho. :) Pearl: Mumbo…

Martyn: *pulls back the curtain while Jimmy is showering* Martyn: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?

Lizzie, about Joel: Can I tell them they look nice? Cleo: Sure. Lizzie: Can I tell them I respect them? Cleo: Maybe, if they ask. Lizzie: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs? Cleo: … Cleo: I’d save that for later.

Grian, sniffling: Calm down, I’m probably not sick. It might just be allergies. Jimmy: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired? Grian: I have depression, what do you think?

Pearl: I started school with straight A’s. Now I’m not even straight.

Bdubs: Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies? Cleo: Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials. Gem: It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby. BigB: Rock also defeats baby.

BigB: I dare you- Skizz: Scar is not allowed to accept dares anymore. BigB: Why not? Scar: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

Scott: Don’t preach to me about romance, Joel. I had a three-way in a hot-air balloon.

Tango, to Lizzie: You know, BigB can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching. Tango: *blows airhorn at BigB* GET FUCKED!

Mumbo: What language do they speak at the center of the earth? Mumbo: Core-ean Joel: The center of the earth is arond 5430 degrees Celsius! Nobody is going to live there so they don’t need a language! Impulse: Core-ean.

*the Squad cleaning up* Etho: Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away. Pearl, to Tango: Aight, which bin do you wanna go in—

Mumbo: You're ugly. BigB: Tone indicator? Mumbo: Oh I'm sorry! You're ugly. /srs

Tango: Cleo... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? Cleo: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. Tango: Tango: I wrote sanitize, Cleo.

Gem, to Impulse: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.

Grian: May luck (and this picture of Scott eating shredded cheese at 3 in the morning) be with you.

Etho: You have Crayons? Grian: Yes, I have— Etho: You're— how old are you? Grian: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

[aquaquadrant]

So catching up on your htp writing and I’m not if I understand which hels is to their overworked doppelgänger? Would you mind clarifying?

hmmmm i suppose it’s been a while since i posted an up-to-date list so here ya go. every single helsmit that’s appeared or been mentioned in the HTP au. overworld players on the left, hels players on the right.

Bravo (Bravo Biz) - Tango (Tango Tek)

Jimmy (SolidarityGaming) - Timmy (AnimosityGaming)

Grian - Scáil

MumboJumbo - ClearCut

GoodTimeWithScar - BadTimesWithScar

Etho (ethoslab) - Patho (pathoslair)

Bdubs (BdoubleO100) - Dbubs (DboubleI011)

impulseSV - instinctEV

Renthedog - Rendthewolf

Keralis1 - Alisker0

xBCrafted - bXMiner

Scott (Smajor1995) - Sean (Sminor1559)

Joel (Smallishbeans) - Jones (Largishlegumes)

PearlescentMoon - OpalescentMoth

Welsknight - Helsknight (canon ofc)

bonus helsmits that haven’t appeared or been mentioned (and prob won’t ever) but i have names/concepts for anyways:

Zedaph - Zephyr

GeminiTay - CapricornSlay

ZombieCleo - HellionCloe

joehillssays- joekillsslays

iskall85 - eldrig58

VintageBeef - FreshMeat

Xisuma - Evil Xisuma (maybe?? not sure yet if hels or something else entirely)

bonus ocs:

Axis Co - Atlas Syn

Coil - Claw

Zane - Z

special cases:

falsesymmetry - a pair of twins who are each half overworld and half hels, go by false (hermitcraft!false) and sym (empires!false)

Docm77 (aka Docmonster77) - doesn’t have a hels, is an artificial player

Stressmonster101 - doesn’t have a hels, is an artificial player

if u want more deets on any of these guys, there should be some info in my ‘characters’ tag on the pinned HTP directory 💃

edit: I FUCKING FORGOT JEVIN.

iJevin - iHelvin

[thefireintheshadow]

SmallishBeans was slain by Zombie

Gem stiffened. Joel was dead. Joel was red.

She changed screens on her communicator, and her mouth went dry. She was the only living person online at the moment. Her name, starkly white contrasting the handful of greys and two very ominous red names.

Joel and Etho.

Her heart slammed into her ribcage. This was okay. She was out on the ocean, harvesting coral. She hadn’t told anyone where she was going. So they wouldn’t be able to find her way out here. She’d had to go so far to find this, and she racked her brain trying to think if she’d mentioned she was coral hunting at all.

Everyone knew she had the permit… but surely they wouldn’t just comb the map for her, right? Surely Joel had things he’d been working on when he’d died and he’d continue to work on those and not jump immediately to murder…

Right?

The chat was eerily quiet. After the standard post-demise ribbing everyone seemed to have gone back to their tasks. Gem couldn’t stop checking it. If there were messages she could get a read on what they were doing, where they were.

But there was nothing.

“This is stupid,” she said out loud, feeling even more stupid for talking to herself, but continuing anyway, “I’m GeminiSlay. Nobody can mess with me.” Somehow a chill coral-gathering session didn’t feel all that badass, but the words bolstered her and she dove down with her silk touch pickaxe to continue her work.

It was peaceful, beneath the water. Warm oceans were so clear, a bright blue backdrop splashed with brightly-coloured coral. Gem let the tension leave her body and lost herself in her task, enjoying the grind.

When she’d gathered enough to fill her dredge-inspired boat, she changed into dry clothes and wrung out her hair, leaving it long and loose to air dry on the way back. The warm breeze as she drove would feel so good, and damn the frizzy mane her curls would become. The secret to happiness was making the most of the little things, right?

As she emerged from the cabin, her blood turned to ice at the sound of laughter in the distance. Two very distinct laughs, one an ominous chuckle, the other a cackle with an edge of hysteria.

Her heart rate tripled. How close were they? Should she go for her sword or for the throttle? The moment of indecision cost her the choice anyway as a shadow fell from above her. She whirled, taking a step back and looking up at Joel’s silhouette, standing atop her cabin.

“Etho, look what I found,” he drawled, eyes blazing red as a feral grin took over his face. “Treasure.”

[read on ao3] - mind the tags, ssc everyone

[arthropod-concoctions]

My @mcytblrholidayexchange gift for @salty-seasick! I had a blast writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it! Can be read on AO3 or below the cut:

Relationship: Etho/Bdubs

Characters: Etho, Bdubs

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Gender Identity, Trans Male Ethoslab, Coming Out, Hugs, Banter, Anxiety/Comfort

Summary: Angel and Echo may be the most powerful superheroes around, but they do have a life beyond that as well. Sometimes Echo wishes he could forget his personal life. Sometimes Angel wishes he could forget his heroic life. At least they have each other.

Note: the character called Sunny at the start of the fic is Etho.

~ * * * ~

“I think my superhero alter ego should be a guy,” Sunny said, sitting on the couch with her legs folded underneath her.

“You- really?” Bdubs was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, looking at the paper where he was sketching outfits for the two of them, but he looked up to reply to Sunny. “What makes you say that?”

“For anonymity, you know?” she replied. “If the new superheroes on the block are a guy and a girl, everyone’s gonna be looking for a guy and a girl, and someone might realise it’s us. But if it’s two guys, we’ll never be suspected.”

Bdubs let out a surprised laugh, but nodded. “Okay. You know what, that’s actually pretty smart. Sure.” He grabbed another paper, this one with two lists of bullet points, and added another point to one: “`Sunny: superhero is a man.’ Wonderful. Uh, do we have to change your outfit as well then?”

“Let me see,” Sunny replied, leaning over Bdubs’ shoulder to look at the designs. “No, I think that’s still good.” The design of the outfit had some of her hair poking out, but that wouldn’t be a problem; her hair was quite short already. She liked it that way, it was just more convenient. And the outfit didn’t show much skin; for anonymity, and to prevent from accidentally touching something she shouldn’t while using her power. If she played her cards right, maybe used a voice modulator, no one would suspect that the hero might be a woman.

“Good.” Bdubs said. “Alright, next point: names. Any ideas?”

“Hmm…” Sunny thought. “Something like Ecto? If I’m going to be phasing through things, like a ghost…”

“Ecto…” Bdubs was quiet for a few seconds, then snapped his fingers. “I’ve got it! Echo! Hear me out. I’ll be Angel, because I have the voice of an angel, and you’ll be that voice’s echo. I’ll use my singing, and then when they least expect it, you’ll show up and give them a beating. Angel and Echo.”

“Right, I see,” Sunny said, smiling and leaning back. “I’ll be secondary to you, just the way you want it.”

“No- I- no, of course not!” Bdubs laughed, and moved onto the couch, wrapping his arms around Sunny. “I’m sorry. Come on, Sunshine, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Bdubs, I think the jury’s still out on that one…” Sunny laughed, then returned Bdubs’ embrace, putting her head on top of his. “I’m just kidding. Of course you didn’t mean it. You’d never say mean things about me, would you?” she asked, sarcasm lacing her voice.

“I never say mean things,” Bdubs agreed, and then they just sat for a moment, enjoying each other’s touch. Until Bdubs spoke up: “Just two superhero dudes hanging out.”

Sunny burst out laughing, and pushed Bdubs off of herself. “Come on, dude, you ruined the moment!” she said.

Bdubs laughed too. “I have to get some practice in, you know? If y- if Echo’s going to be a guy, I have to really get that in my head.”

“Just Echo, not me. I mean, if you start treating me like a guy in person as well, that defeats the whole point!”

“Of course, of course.” Bdubs sighed contentedly, the laughter finally wearing off. “You and me, Echo and Angel. We’re gonna make a great team.”

- - - -

Echo sat on the roof of an apartment building, watching the sun rise over the city- over his city. His and Angel’s debut as superheroes a year ago had been a resounding success, and their corner of the city had never been safer. When something did happen, the two of them jumped to the chase, smoothly executing the tactic Bdubs had laid out for them back then: he would take their attention, distracting and potentially soothing them with his voice, and Echo would phase in from behind and knock them out. It was still a bit of a weird strategy to Echo. Bdubs insisted that his singing had an effect, that it was an essential part of the plan, but it barely seemed to slow their enemies down after the initial confusion. Whenever he sang to Echo, he couldn’t feel any effect either, but Bdubs always said he was simply holding back. Still, it seemed a little fishy to Echo.

I keep calling him Bdubs even when thinking about his hero persona, he thought to himself. I really shouldn’t do that. Not when I keep calling myself Echo instead of-

Well, that was the other weird thing. He- she- Sunny never called herself Sunny anymore. When alone, she wore Echo’s outfit whenever possible. When with other people, every time she noticed somebody looking at her, she just wanted to disappear, to phase out and maybe come back looking different. Every day, Sunny’s first thought was what he was going to do as Echo, rather than what she was going to do as Sunny.

The plan that Sunny had made a year ago was clear. To be a man as a superhero, and a woman in everyday life, to draw suspicion away from herself.

He’s afraid it might have backfired spectacularly.

Well, I’m gonna need a new name again, he thought. Obviously he couldn’t start calling himself Echo to his friends and family as well. He thought back to the day when they were brainstorming superhero names. ‘Ecto’ was the name that popped into his head back then, was there anything he could do with that? It was very similar to Echo, but maybe he removing the `k’-sound would help. Etto, Eto…

Etho?

“Etho,” he said to himself, slowly. It had a nice ring to it. He tried again: “Hello everybody, my name is Etho…”

A smile crept onto his face. It was a very good name.

He phased out, becoming completely invisible and intangible to the outside world, then began descending through the walls the building. He kept his eyes closed as he did so, careful not to look inside the other residents’ apartments. After a minute, he’d ended up back in his own apartment; he opened his eyes, and phased back in, feet thumping the ground as if he’d jumped.

After taking a quick shower, Etho got dressed in his usual getup; sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a comfy jacket. He’d always valued comfort over fashion, a preference which had gotten stronger over the years; in hindsight, that was probably because he’d been looking at the wrong fashion.

I should probably go shopping for new clothes soon, huh? he thought to himself. He wasn’t quite sure what to do, to be honest. Should he tell Bdubs about his decision immediately? This seemed like the kind of thing you had to think about for longer than one morning before going around telling people. Not to mention his relationship with Bdubs… probably wouldn’t be the same. He hadn’t fallen in love with a guy, after all. But then, would acting like nothing’s changed be any better? Maybe-

Suddenly, he heard a pounding at his door. He jerked around in surprise to look at it; he rarely got visitors, and that didn’t exactly sound like a friendly knock. Had he pissed off his neighbours somehow? Now he heard a rattle; someone was messing with his lock. That worried him; he put Echo’s gloves back on, just in case there’d be a fight, then opened the door.

Bdubs stood on the other side of it, his copy of the apartment key in his hand. He jolted in surprise when the door opened. “You are awake!” he said.

“Yeah, I’m awake. What the hell are you doing, man? Did you…” he trailed off, taking a good look at Bdubs now. He seemed to be out of breath, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was shaking. “Wait, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Never better. Can I come in?”

Etho stepped aside, letting Bdubs enter. “Are you being chased? Do we need to fight somebody?”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m not being chased. Not anymore. Not yet, I mean.” Bdubs walked over to the couch, and collapsed onto it. Despite his prior statement, he was clearly not feeling well.

What? “Okay…” Etho felt a stab of nerves in his chest. He sat down next to Bdubs. “You know, it’s actually pretty good that you came over. We need to talk.”

“Yeah. We do,” Bdubs said.

Etho instantly regretted that statement. The thing he was going to say suddenly didn’t seem nearly as important as whatever Bdubs was dealing with. “…Uh, should we maybe go visit the doctor’s? You-”

“No!” Bdubs interrupted Etho, grabbing his wrist. “We’re not going outside today, alright?”

Etho removed the hand from his wrist, and took a deep breath. Bdubs was making him nervous. Usually he was the paranoid one, and Bdubs was the one that gave him confidence; how the hell was he supposed to deal with this? “That statement doesn’t exactly make me more confident in your good health, Bdubs.”

“Look, Etho, I need you to tr-”

They both froze. What on earth? “How did you-”

Bdubs snorted. “Uh oh,” he said. “I’ve just messed up, haven’t I?”

“You…” Etho was flabbergasted. “Well, you did something, that’s for sure! How- I’m gonna need some explanations here.”

Bdubs closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. “Right. Explanations. It’s probably about time, huh?” “So, you know how I always say that my superpower is singing?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s nonsense. It has nothing to do with singing, that’s just a distraction. Really, it’s… I get nightmares.”

“Nightmares?” Etho said. “Okay.” That didn’t explain how he knew his name.

“I get nightmares that tell me exactly how I’m going to die that day.” “`nightmare’ isn’t the right word, really,” he continued. “Honestly, they might not even be dreams. Nothing unnatural happens in them, it’s just regular life. And then something- or someone- comes along and kills me. Or, in this case, kills us.”

“Oh,” Etho said softly. He grabbed Bdubs’ hand. “Why haven’t you told me about this earlier?”

“You would’ve laughed at me.” Bdubs looked at the wall as he spoke. He was still shaking. “A guy gets a bad dream every now and again, and thinks it’s a superpower?”

Etho shook his head. “I would’ve believed you.”

Bdubs turned to look at him. “Would you really?”

He didn’t respond immediately. Truth be told, he would probably be skeptical of this story, had Bdubs not started it by saying Etho’s name before he could reasonably know it. But Etho was skeptical of everything. If he decided he couldn’t even believe Bdubs, what would he do then? “I would have trusted your judgement,” he eventually said.

Bdubs didn’t respond immediately. He didn’t seem convinced, but eventually he spoke up: “Alright. Thanks, S- Etho.”

Suddenly, Etho felt another spike of anxiety in his chest. Right. Guess there was no postponing that conversation now. Bdubs chuckled weakly, apparently not seeing the worry on Etho’s face. “Boy. This was supposed to be your day, and I’ve really gone and made it all about me, huh?”

“I mean, we can keep talking about you if you want. I know you like to do that,” Etho said. “So, nighmares, huh? Can you tell me how exactly-”

“No.” Bdubs cut him off. “Listen, I… I really don’t want to talk about it. Not while it’s still… fresh.”

“Oh,” Etho replied quietly. He berated himself internally. Of course Bdubs wouldn’t want to go into details about their deaths. “Looks like we’re at a stalemate then,” he said. Because, truth be told, he didn’t want to talk about himself either right now. Actually, he kind of wanted to phase out and run off into the distance somewhere. Dream-Etho had made a mistake telling Bdubs, he must have. There was no way-

“Etho, I can see your mind freaking out just by looking at you,” Bdubs said, looking Etho in the eyes and smiling gently. “Come on. You really think I’m gonna stop loving you ‘cause you’re a guy?”

Etho let out a strained half-laugh. “I mean…”

“No!” Bdubs grabbed Etho’s hand with both of his, and leaned in closer to him. “I didn’t fall in love with you just because you were a girl. I fell in love with you because you were thoughtful, and smart, and competent, and had nice hair, and were you. And if a guy has all that, if a guy is you, I’ll love him just the same. C’mere.”

Bdubs wrapped his arms around Etho, who’s shoulders dropped as he reciprocated. He hadn’t even noticed he’d been tensing them. Etho leaned forwards as well, putting his face on Bdubs’ shoulder. Bdubs’ mouth was right next to his ear, so he heard him whisper: “And this isn’t the nightmare-brain talking. I said this exact thing the first time.”

Etho opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out. He was shaking- or maybe that was still Bdubs. Maybe they were both shaking, and their relative moods would cancel each other out if they just held each other tightly enough.

Then, after a minute or so, Etho’s stomach rumbled. He lifted his face up again and slowly, reluctantly, let go of Bdubs. He suddenly felt a tear running down his face.

Etho chuckled as he reached out and wiped the tear off of his face. “You haven’t eaten breakfast either, huh? We should probably get on that.”

Etho giggled quietly. He was still a bit shaky, but feeling infinitely better than before the hug. “Wait, you left the house before eating breakfast? Wow, you must really be messed up today.”

Bdubs grinned, his typical wide grin which fit his bloodshot eyes remarkably well, in a weird way. “Yeah. That proves it, huh?” he said, and then got up to walk to the kitchen.

Etho followed him, and grabbed two bowls to put cereal in. As the two of them were preparing their breakfast, Bdubs spoke up again: “You know, there’s something else I feel like I should say, about this.”

Etho froze, holding a spoon in mid-air. “And what’s that?”

“I saw this coming a freaking mile away.”

Etho laughed, dropping his spoon and turning to look at Bdubs. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah!” Bdubs said, laughing as well. “I mean, come on. The love of your life, who has a boy haircut and only ever wears hoodies says ‘hey, I want to be a boy, but only as a superhero!’ and- you know, I wasn’t born yesterday!”

Etho continued laughing. “I guess the signs were there, huh? Although you figured it out before I did if that’s true.” He chuckled. “Maybe you saw it in a dream, just like…”

He didn’t finish the sentence, and neither did Bdubs. Etho sighed. He had to say something, or this would eat at him. “Look, I know you didn’t want to talk about it but… if somebody if this city was going to kill us, I want to know as much about them as I can.”

Bdubs looked at the ground, and didn’t respond immediately. “I just- can we talk about it later? When my brain isn’t all messed up. Right now I just wanna… watch a movie, or something.”

“I don’t know if I can-”

“We started it,” Bdubs interrupted him. “We started the fight. That’s the important part. He’s not gonna come to us if we just… happen to stay inside today.”

Etho nodded. “Alright.” He tried to banish the worry from his mind. Taking a rain day would probably be good for their health regardless, honestly. “So what movie were you thinking?”

Bdubs shrugged.

“The A-Team?” Etho suggested.

“Oh, god. Just because you’re a dude doesn’t mean your taste in movies has to get worse, Etho.”

Etho snorted. He finished making his cereal, then moved back to the couch with Bdubs.

As Bdubs was flipping through channels on the TV, Etho stretched his arms, then laid one of them around Bdubs’ shoulder. “You know what, Bdubs?” he said. “We really are just two dudes hanging out now.”

“We are!” Bdubs responded, leaning his head back into Etho’s arm. “Two dudes. Etho and Bdubs. We can take on the world, you know.”

Except for what you saw in your dream… Etho shook his head. They were in mortal peril as superheroes all the time. They could take one day off from worrying about that side of their lives. For now, Etho was content to enjoy himself--  really enjoy himself, as he’d never been able to in his life—and enjoy Bdubs’ company.

[theforumcat]

Hello! In your post with the macaroni and cheese recipe, your second tag read “if you ever wanna get mad about a recipe ask me about the sweet rolls.” My dad said “Yes! Dozens of hundreds of recipes please, if they’re anything like the mac & cheese. 😊” and then sent nine thumbs up emojis over three texts! We are both fans of the macaroni and cheese! Could I have the recipe for the beef stroganoff, the cherry tomato dip, and the funeral potatoes? Also, do you have any vegan recipes? Moving on, Pushkin has been described as a badger and a rabbit and a cat! Sometimes my mom mispronounces his name as “Punchkin.”

Ohhhhhh

Okay so my patriarchal family has a matriarch. She’s dead - died in the very young childhoods or before birth of my parent generation. My dad is the oldest of that generation and he was like five ish when she died. My grandparent and great-grandparent generation sold the family farm in Iowa after she died, and had been holding on to it pretty much exclusively so she could continue to live there and they could continue to visit her there for a very long time. And she… she’s a bit of a folklore figure? Almost like a Midwestern matriarchal sort of folk hero? Like, all the ladies with that last name may eventually become grandmas, but if someone refers to Grandma Forumcat it means folklore grandma, even if it’s said to someone who does indeed have a different grandmother of the family. Hell, it even refers to her in branches of the family that did not come from her! To be clear, she is actually either my great great grandmother or my great great great grandmother - I do not belong to a shoot of the family that’s that great at ancestry and the only person left alive now who knew her was a kindergartener when she died and there were already several generations calling her grandma at that point. And we have a tendency to just call all aunt/uncle variants and older distant cousins aunt or uncle and all younger relatives cousin and there has been a surprising amount of intra-family and regular adoption (and we’re pretty sure a couple of teen pregnancies that were obfuscated in this manner) so without sitting down as a huge team and writing it up and/or actually sorting out records, frankly a family tree will just not happen. So, that’s folklore grandma.

And she left behind hundreds and hundreds of recipes. They were scattered amongst my family members and many are now lost - she did, after all, die over half a century ago. The favourites were copied out and distributed among many members, though, including her sweet roll recipe, which is haunted. It cannot be fractioned, no matter what ethos of fractioning you use. The rolls just won’t turn out. They’ll burn before they should be done or won’t rise or get a weird residue… anything you can imagine going wrong with a baked good, that’s the roulette wheel you spin if you try to fraction this recipe, plus several you wouldn’t. There are plenty of her other recipes that just won’t turn out good if you fuck around with them (particularly if the fuckery is trying to make them healthier) but this is the one with the most dramatic and obvious effects. It will outright just defy physics to fuck your day and oven up if you try to make fewer sweet rolls than enough for the kids, everyone working on the farm plus take some home to their families, all visiting relatives, and the neighbours for when you’ll go past there on Sunday. My patriarchal family is, by and large, all very good cooks. Huge food culture, mostly sparked by folklore grandma. So, this isn’t a matter of people not knowing how to make them. It even happens to people she directly taught to make them, and reportedly her advice on how to make fewer rolls at a time was pretty much “don’t do that.”

So. Haunted. I’m not a particularly superstitious person, but I have watched these rolls turn out wrong in a dozen completely insensible ways for no reason at all (the recipe at full size is extremely labour intensive but far from fussy) and heard stories about dozens more, so every time I make them I just make all, like, four dozen cinnamon rolls and find homes for the extras. I can (and somewhat regularly have) set pots of water on fire; I’m not gonna fuck around on the haunted breakfast rolls.

[mcybree]

I always feel a little bad when I write a long response to posts on the internet because I feel like it intimidates people so HI. DONT BE ALARMED. IM HARMLESS SOURCE TRUST ME. Anyways:

^^ OP tags ^^

Honestly I think he’s just afraid to get too close to people. He’s never going to say that but it’s like he has trouble connecting on a genuine level with pretty much anyone. He was extremely close with Pearl but (gestures to DL) I do think that scared him. There’s a sort of vulnerability required to foster a genuine connection with someone and last life forced that vulnerability by starting him off on two lives. But in every other season it’s like he cant figure out how to really truly love like he should even though he does want to and. Does? To an extent? It’s complicated.

What I’m trying to say is that I think it’s such a gray area in whether or not to read it as pride or love because it’s a gray area for him, too.

I don’t think he means to win every time as much as he has built an internal system which makes it impossible for him to fail. This internal system unfortunately relies heavily on him remaining in control of his own emotions, something he doesn’t actually know how to do so he just shelves them entirely and pretends he doesn’t care when shit happens (my favorite example of this is the entirety of third life, but examples specifically in relation to this subject: him not giving a fuck about both martyns limlife betrayal and gems zombie betrayal.) This stifles his ability to feel love or express it in a way that isn’t purely transactional; it’s not impossible for him to do so but it is very difficult for him to see people beyond a basic “I give you this, you give me this,” and he determines his standing with people based on how much they owe him or very rarely vice versa (scott hates feeling like he owes people. He says this outright in an SL episode but he’s also hesitant to give out IOUs unless it’s for sure a good deal and parameters are discussed beforehand). This is more observable in how he acts with people that aren’t his direct allies tbh but he does also still do this with his direct allies (see: SL session 9, scott telling gem she cant prioritize other alliances because he let her kill him), it’s just less strictly material debts. He gets along well with Cleo because I think Cleo functions similarly on a surface level but Cleo also has a self awareness and an emotional core that makes relationships more than just a series of transactions that Scott lacks. Points to their SL interaction where Scott tells Cleo to kill Etho for extra hearts, and Cleo doesn’t even consider it.

Additionally this isnt like. DIRECT evidence and is also a bit of a tangent, but since last life scott is sort of the exception I think examining him and pearls interactions in that series gives some insight, because while scott genuinely cares about her it’s like he keeps trying to talk to her in “his language,” assuming she works similarly in relationships being strictly transactional (“I was thinking you should give me a life because we have a better shot at winning if we’re together” after joel kills him VS what I think he actually means, “can I have a life because we’re friends and I want to stay by your side”). He doesn’t understand why Pearl does anything for him when he technically owes her, so when she does nice things for him anyways he gets all giddy and excited about it which. Sorry guys I know I love to be a scott hater on this blog but I do have lots of clips saved to my phone of him just being really cute with pearl. it makes me emotional man. they really were best friends it’s agonizing to think about with how he treats her later BUT WHATEVERRR WHATEVER I DONT CAAAARE im fine its cool its cool its cool

tldr I think he uses his allies but I don’t think it’s malicious as much as it comes from the combination of a lack of understanding of how relationships work + a high self standard resulting in a personal inability to fail

no let’s talk about cScott’s strategy in the life series being the social game. Let’s talk about how he’ll just kinda play nice with everyone and get to very high placements as a result. Do you wonder if his past allies feel used by him? If they feel like they’re just part of the strategy of his own game? Did you realize how rarely Scott has recurring alliances? Do you think they wonder about if they were just someone Scott could get to a higher result to feel good about? Or someone that could get him the win? Or are you normal

all I’m saying is usually we go on lengthy talks about Scott being nice and sweet and wholesome but this guy (character) is good at the murder game! Really worryingly good! Let’s delve into that some more!

[martuzzio]

The idea of Ren joining the Amputees-Only club sounds so bittersweet... cuz before he knew they were having fun, but also knew that they were allowed to have a bond like that. He never expected to join them.

I can honestly imagine in his first few meetings there's a few times where Ren just cries, poor guy...

Rendog's first Amputee's Only Club Meeting (written under the cut because this one is longer than normal)

Despite what the universe seems to think, Doc is a pretty easygoing guy. Yes, he does look scary as hell and yes, he was a mob boss at one point, but that doesn’t mean he’s a violent person. Well, he’s violent when he needs to be, but that doesn’t mean he enjoys it. In reality, his favorite moments are all from quiet parts of his normal, boring, daily life as a hermit.

In these everyday moments, Doc likes to process things. He likes to sit in the greenhouse and watch the bio bees work alongside the robot bees. He likes to brush his fingers on the plants and let his half-robotic brain process the data into something that resembles touch. He likes to listen to Grian and Etho chat as they work.

He observes small moments like these because that’s all he really does. He takes in data and processes it. He uses the processed information to judge his surroundings and react accordingly. Sometimes this means that he uses his data to laugh at his friends who make dumb jokes. But sometimes he uses the data to run, hide, or fight back. When all you do is process data to keep yourself alive, it becomes very hard to ignore incoming information.

This is how Doc eventually locates Ren. He wasn’t planning on finding where his longtime friend wheeled off to, much less go searching for him, but Doc unfortunately decided to take a more leisurely route to the bridge and his camera eye caught the slight movement anyway. Doc has to give it to him; the man knows how to hide. The werewolf is in a lesser-used community room, curled into a dusty couch that’s been shoved into the corner. The chrome wheels of his temporary mobility aid reflect off of the window overlooking deep space. Ren has his left leg drawn up to this chest. His stump of a right leg rests on the couch cushion, shunned. Ren’s obviously hid because he doesn’t want to be found, but unluckily for him, Doc was specifically altered to notice things.

Ren’s flinch when Doc claps his hand on his shoulder is almost unnoticeable. Ren looks like he’s either been crying or had a bad allergic reaction to the dust. Doc assumes the former.

“Cub was working on your new parts earlier today. They look pretty sick,” he ventures.

Ren looks like he has the entire universe on his shoulders. “That’s wonderful,” he mumbles. He opens his mouth as if to say more, but instead sighs and slides his eyes shut.

Doc plops down on the couch and slings his arm over the back of the rest. The action makes Ren recoil again, this time more visibly, and Doc pointedly ignores it. Instead, he says, “As much as I want you to come see what Cub is making, you will go to him when you feel like it. There is nothing you need to do right now besides heal.”

Ren barks out a wet laugh. “Bro, I appreciate you so much, but how can stumps heal?”

Doc’s cybernetic hand twitches in sympathy. “You know what I mean, man, and we both know it.” Doc replies. He looks down at the sliver of space between his leg and Ren’s and chews his words. Ren shifts his gaze to Doc’s arm, then to gaze directly at the creeper’s face.

Doc feels uncomfortable in a way he’s never felt before. All of the other amputee hermits were already amputees when they joined the crew. They had time to heal, be angry, and let go in their own ways. He did, too. But now, with Ren sitting next to him, suffering through the same kind of anguish Doc felt when he first woke up from being operated on, Doc suddenly doesn’t know how to act. How do you comfort someone who literally lost a third of their body? As much as Doc knows what that feels like and as much as he wants to help his friend, he might not be able to. He might not ever be able to.

It’s the single most heartbreaking thing that Doc’s realized in a long, long time.

This revelation causes the duo to sit in silence for a long while. Then, Doc gets an idea. His eye shifts to look at his friend. Ren narrows his eyes tiredly but waits anyway.

“The Amputees-Only Club meeting is in a few minutes.” Doc murmurs. Ren is silent, but he plows on. “I think you should come,” he pleads. “I think everyone would be very happy to see you.”

Ren’s throat clicks as he swallows. “I’m sure they would.”

“I would be very happy to see you.”

Ren’s eyelids squeeze together. “I know you would.”

“Then let’s go,” Doc insists as he pushes himself to his feet. He turns around and smiles as much as he can at his friend, still curled up on the couch. Ren gazes exhaustedly back. “I think it would be a good idea.” He wishes his smile weren’t so frightening.

Ren moves to rub his eyes with his hands but remembers he’s missing one of his arms a little too late. The resulting crumpled expression immediately burns into Doc’s deep storage memory. “I don’t know, Doc.” The werewolf manages after a long moment. “I appreciate you trying to help, but…”

Doc understands. Of course he does. When he first joined the hermits, the idea of a weekly club meeting exclusively for amputees sounded farfetched at best and belittling at worst. Hell, he didn’t even think there were enough amputees on the team to warrant a club. Imagine his surprise when three other people showed up to his first session, all excited he was there to hang out with them.

With this in mind, all he can do is repeat, “I think it would be a good idea.”

Ren stares up at him, and in that moment, he looks as old as Xisuma. But then he gently closes his eyes, inhales slowly and shallowly, and motions for Doc to drag his mobility aid closer. Doc complies immediately.

The journey to the meeting room, like every other journey on the Hermit Craft, is long. It’s made even longer because of Ren’s inexperience with his aid, but Doc doesn’t dare to offer his help. They eventually end up in front of the elevator that Doc remotely called beforehand with his brain chip. When the doors open, Doc lets Ren wheel in first.

Ren is silent in the elevator. Doc tries to catch his expression, but his friend’s unruly hair blocks his vision. “We’re playing cards tonight.” He mentions.

“That’s what you do at every Amputee-Only Club meeting.”

Doc shifts his eye back to the elevator door. “…Correct.”

Ren doesn’t reply.

When the duo finally reaches the Club meeting room, Doc pauses outside for a moment instead of directing his brain to open the door like normal. He glances down at Ren again and murmurs, “if you don’t want to go back, or to your room or something, that’s—”

“It’s fine,” Ren interrupts. He sounds defeated. “We walked all the way here, so we may as well go.”

Doc activates the door without another thought.

The door slides open and reveals the club room. It’s small, smaller than the average community space on the Hermit Craft, but it feels warm. The soft yellow color painted on the walls matches pleasantly with the yellow of the couch cushions. Joe definitely was the one to orchestrate that. There’s a small kitchenette in the corner that’s set up to have nice views of outer space. Various game tables fill the rest of the room, a few surrounded by five chairs. Doc wonders if Ren will notice the new chair addition. Maybe he already had.

The most interesting part of the space, though, is the people within it. TFC is bundled up on the couch, snoring pleasantly and covered in at least ten blankets. His usual plate of cookies is already half eaten. Iskall is standing at the kitchen counter, fiddling with a teacup filled with a mysterious bright pink liquid. His outfit has a few suspicious-looking singe marks at the hem. Finally, Scar is sat at the poker table in the middle of the room, crossed legs resting on an adjacent chair. He’s sorting through a pile of yellow and orange chips. To Doc’s continued wonder, the stack of bright blue cards resting near Scar’s elbow have miraculously not been knocked onto the floor yet.

When the doors open, Scar and Iskall look over. Ren immediately shifts at Doc’s elbow. Doc waits a moment to let Ren speak if he wants to, but when his shorter friend remains silent, he clears his throat in a grinding noise and announces, unnecessarily, “We’re here.”

Scar is so excited that his eyes have turned into little slivers of green. “Ren, I’m so happy you decided to tag along!” He kicks one of the chairs out from the table and clonks his foot on it for emphasis. The blue cards wobble on the edge of the table but still refuse to fall. “Sit down! Iskall can get you something to drink. Have you ever played poker?” He leans forward with the question. “It’s difficult, but I think it’s fun!”

“Uh, I haven’t.” Ren replies awkwardly, still at the door alongside Doc. “I’ve never even heard of it before.”

“Yeah, I would be surprised if you knew about it. It’s one of those old-timey games from TFC’s era.” Iskall says from across the room. He is now by the couch and is gently patting TFC’s fluffy hair to wake him. “Don’t worry that you don’t know. We’ll teach you.”

Ren tries and fails to make a pointed noise of interest, but he still seems intrigued. Doc feels the knot in his chest loosen a little. He rolls his shoulders to relieve some tension and moves to sit down. By the time he turns his head to look back, Ren is already wheeling forward to join him but looks lost as to where he should sit.

“Howdy, Ren. Sit next to me so I can teach you, but I’ll only teach if you’re willing to listen.” TFC, now awake, grumbles good-naturedly as he heaves himself off the couch. With his large frame still wrapped in a dozen blankets, he looks like a huge bear compared to Iskall. Which is impressive, Doc thinks, since Iskall is nowhere near frail. TFC’s metal prosthetic clonks on the floor as he walks over to the poker table. As he sits down across from Scar, he says, “There’s no point in just sitting there and gawking at us. Grab a seat.” He uses his leg to nudge the chair to his left.

Ren blinks and maneuvers his aid to let him sit down next to the astronaut. TFC procures a blanket from his pile and offers one to him. Ren, after slowly settling in his chair, accepts the pink fuzzy blanket. Doc accepts a purple one.

TFC lances over to Ren as he saves the blue cards from the edge of the table. “Poker’s good fun. You’ll get it in no time.” He snorts and flicks his gaze to Scar, who is busy stacking the chips into a pyramid. “This one always makes sure we have a great, long game.”

Scar looks up and winces minutely in a false apology. “Sorry about that.”

TFC chuckles. “Boy, I’ve never had better games than when I play with you.”

Scar’s grin almost sparkles. TFC and Doc grin back and Iskall hides his laugh in his shoulder.

“Anyway, ready for your first game with us amputees?” TFC brings the conversation back to Ren, who suddenly looks a lot more uncomfortable.

“I,” he begins, his eyes flicking to TFC, then Doc, before looking down. “I, well, uh…”

The table is silent. Iskall is staring at the table with his hands in his lap. TFC sighs and begins shuffling the cards. Doc, as much as he wants to clear the air somehow, can’t seem to find a way to do so. Scar just looks sad. He looks right at Ren, almost through him.

Ren stares back, eyes wide.

“You don’t want to be here.” Scar says quietly, finally. It’s not a question. Ren’s choked response makes the ex-convex smile slightly. “You can say so, Ren. You’re not going to hurt our feelings. None of us want to be here. But, as much as we may want to, we can’t change what happened to us.” He falls silent again as he looks at a particularly twisted scar on the back of his left hand. He rubs at it harshly with the pad of his thumb before Iskall stops him. “This might be selfish,” Scar continues, softly, “but I’m happy that I at least don’t have to sit in here alone.”

For a long moment, the table is silent. Then, with a rush of noise, Ren makes a sound like he’s dying. In a certain way, Doc thinks, he is.

“I don’t want to be here,” Ren confesses as his open mouth contorts and tears roll down his face. “I don’t want to be here.”

All Doc can do is wrap his arms around everyone else, encasing Ren and his other amputee friends in his embrace, and wish he could do more.

[bananasofthorns]

I posted 32,144 times in 2022

That's 6,168 more posts than 2021!

183 posts created (1%)

31,961 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@harley-the-pancake

@theminecraftbee

@tragicfaggots

@hira-a

@yb-cringe

I tagged 2,634 of my posts in 2022

#reblogging again - 185 posts

#banana made a post - 178 posts

#banana answers things - 81 posts

#double life spoilers - 76 posts

#trafficshipping - 59 posts

#hermitshipping - 53 posts

#dlshipping - 38 posts

#banana writes things - 37 posts

#cr spoilers - 34 posts

#unreality - 33 posts

Longest Tag: 127 characters

#joel: things are boring because i don't think the demon is real so i'm gonna make a rap battle against fwhip because it's funny

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This is stupid, Joel decides. It’s about the fifth time in less than three days that he’s gone to say something to Etho only to realize that, for obvious reasons, Etho isn’t there.

He’s not sure why he’s so affected by Double Life when the previous games didn’t really get to him at all. Then again, he never really had a solid alliance those times. And he definitely didn’t have a soulmate. But still. He was perfectly happy to move on with his life as if nothing monumental had happened, thank you very much.

Even so, he is sometimes capable of not ignoring his problems and realizing when he’s being ridiculous, and this is one of those times. Seriously, he was perfectly fine without Etho before this. Gods - is that a thing he can say, still? If he, technically, is a god?

That’s a question for another time, he decides. The point is that he was fine without Etho before, and so he should definitely be fine without him now, even if it’s only been a few days. Maybe if he actually talks to Etho he’ll be better at adjusting, or whatever. Coping. Does he need to cope? 

He flicks up his comm interface and opens his contacts, only to pause. He doesn’t have Etho’s contact; it was automatically programmed into his comm during Double Life, but contact information doesn’t transfer between worlds unless he purposefully saves it, and he didn’t exactly think he’d be missing Etho like some— some abandoned puppy, or something, while Double Life was going on. So much for that plan. Maybe he can get Grian or Scar or someone to give him Etho’s contact next time they see each other during MCC.

He frowns. That seems too— personal, somehow? Too close to home? For some reason, he feels like it would be weird to ask any of the Hermits who were in Double Life for Etho’s contact. Like they’ll know too much, or something. But who else can he ask? He doesn’t really talk to any of the other Hermits unless they’re on a world together, and—

Oh, he’s an idiot. He literally traded with Gem, like, yesterday. How did he forget that?

“Goodness gracious,” he mutters under his breath.

He’s about to jump off the island and fly over before remembering that he should maybe check to see if she’s even home, just so that he doesn’t look like an idiot by showing up only to realize she’s halfway across the world or something.

Smallishbeans whispered to GeminiTay: Gem Smallishbeans whispered to GeminiTay: are you home?

Luckily, it doesn’t take her very long to respond, so he isn’t left standing on the edge of his island like an idiot.

GeminiTay whispered to Smallishbeans: yeah what’s up

Smallishbeans whispered to GeminiTay: can I come by real quick?

GeminiTay whispered to Smallishbeans: sure! I’m just doing some building

Smallishbeans whispered to GeminiTay: be right there

It doesn’t take him long to make the flight. Gem is waiting for him when he lands; she greets him with a bright smile and a wave that he returns, though his is somewhat awkward because the last time he was here he was giving her bees to prevent some sort of international dispute. Luckily, she doesn’t seem to hold that against him.

“Hey, Joel! What’s up?”

Joel clears his throat. Gem barely reaches up to his waist right now, since he’s 11 feet tall and all that, and something about the height difference feels like it’s offending her more than he’s ever felt like he’s offended any other empire. He sits down cross-legged just off the path. Gem laughs.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, but I feel weird, otherwise. Anyway, I have...kind of an odd question...? For you?”

“Hit me.” She pauses. “Not literally. What’s your question?”

“Do you happen to have Etho’s contact?”

To her credit, she barely pauses. “Hm. I can check, but I don’t think I ever saved it to my communicator, sorry. You could go ask False, maybe? She’s known him a lot longer than I have.”

Damn. “No, that’s fine. Uh, would you mind passing on a message, though? Next time you’re on Hermitcraft.”

“Sure! What do you want me to say? We can write it down or something, that would make it a lot easier, because then I wouldn’t have to remember it or anything.” She hesitates, watching Joel with a scrutinizing look in her eye that he’s not sure he likes. “And I won’t look at it, if you don’t want me to.”

He makes a face. “It’s not gonna be anything bad.”

“I know! But, like— privacy’s important, you know, Joel. I respect that.”

He chuckles. “Thanks, Gem.”

Somehow, he always forgets how genuinely nice she is. Maybe it’s because he’s intimidated by her.

See the full post

632 notes - Posted July 30, 2022

#4

I’m working on a presentation for a powerpoint night and. it’s been a month. it’s been an entire month since the Moon Big finale. it’s only been a month since the moon big finale,

769 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

#3

MARTYN FIRST WIN! AND ALSO JOEL SAID FUCK! his career is over gg

851 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#2

omg tommyinnit my favorite streamer

904 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

listen grian. nobody touches my bush, you're Done. it all started when grian touched my redstone, he played himself li-li-like a xylophone set on automatic, doc monster is a savage, with technical skills and crazy vocal acrobatics i'm a legend of the nho with etho beef and double o doc mc is coming for you sevenfold we got rendog another fireman to douse the flames that they shoot at this leviathan iskall can try again

you think i'm in hidin i'm just bidin my time, puttin pen to paper comin up with rhymes yeah we're a star studded group that got together just to crush you once we start somethin you know we're gonna see it through i'm the knight the soldier who brings the fight at first light y'all had to incite so now i gotta indict you're guilty of gettin murdered with words, y'all are out gunned, go home Nerds (woo-hoo!)

hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang

if you think you can stop the symmetry that's false, g-team is dialling for help but i'm ignoring their calls and when their bodies dissolve you'll know that false is on a killin spree, try to stop my pvp and perish painfully. i'm the queen of hearts heads and body parts, your diamond armor can't compare to my martial arts i'll send a poison dart to make you breathe your final breathe, g-team's name will be the only thing left

caffeinated animated redstone innovator my behavior's crazy can't blame me, impulse is never lazy tango why did you betray me (what?) now my scope is aiming better run from cover from all the ghast balls that i be taming, without a sound without no hesitation my creations are amazing better watch your step or the g-team will end up blazing, who's the better team? there is no controversy but before it's said and done y'all be BEGGIN us for mercy (alright!)

hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang 

X gon give it to ya! i'm gon give it to ya! X gon give it to ya (whaaaaaaaat?) lyrical boxing dropping blows on all my foes and the g-team they're looking unclean needed some sunscreen, burnt my words to hurt this herd of nerds it's absurd how my rhymes got them injured, danger danger! i got lasers to cut em up like razors, it's flexing season and i've got flavor, no weak defenses like trenches and benches that these dense heads are presentin

(they're presentin em alright. they're not very good, i could walk over that, i could i could jump over that. use an ender pearl, my elytra, come on g team, geez)

hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang

now i'm back got some things i wanna say. what's the letter that starts the alphabet (A!) ladies get in like the diggity be on the way (skrt!) cleo don't know who she's freakin with! all the lines say to notify her next of kin this diggity dog be droppin bombs nothin but hits, spit that rhyme again (brrt!) cause the message is i can mumble rap and still be the best there is

hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang hermit gang

oh, you wanted me to do a verse? i'd have to check with g-team-- i mean, i'd have to check my. schedule. to see if i'm able to do that. (oh, oh, oh, bananas, oh, oh oh, bananas. oh oh oh bananas oh oh oh bananas, oh, oh, oh, bananas)

i really don't think it's best for me to even be a part of this song

9,376 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Hello! I cannot stop thinking about the genuine airlock plotline.

So: how would a round where the impostor tries to throw Etho out the airlock go? He remembers the airlock, and he remembers them all agreeing not to use it...would he try to escape, be confused as to why something so cruel is about to be done to him when they all agreed that it was unnecessary and possibly unsafe? Would he realize that nobody else remembers, and if so, would he still go along with it? Would he be afraid, being dragged to the airlock and, unlike any victim before, knowing... Would he try to figure it out from the inside, either to find an escape or just to find out why and how this thing exists in the minute before he dies?

Just a whole heap of possible ideas, you definitely don't need to address all of them, I just really want to see an Imposter try to put Etho in that airlock when he knows

i’ve decided to start a tag for this AU bc i'm enjoying it so much, so now all content for this AU will be posted under ‘#true airlock au’ :)

…

It’s a fresh round, and the euphoria of a great win with Tango last round is wearing off Etho, leaving him with a clear mind. He has to be at the top of his game at all times; at least, that’s how he tries to play it. Whether imposter or crewmate, he always tries his best.

Early in the game, Etho is performing both his tasks in cafeteria when someone approaches him from behind and says, “Hey, Etho. How’s it going?”

Etho glances behind him, as if he couldn’t identify the person’s distinctive voice. “Hi, Joker. Are you here to do a task?”

“Nah, I thought you might like to come and see something cool.”

Etho’s heart skips a beat immediately. He thinks he knows exactly what this “something cool” is, and it makes him nervous.

“No, I…” He hesitates. “I’m okay, thanks.”

“Really?” Joker says with a grin. “Are you sure? It’s pretty cool. You should come check it out.”

“I’m…sure. Thanks.”

But as he turns to walk away, Joker grabs his wrist and gives him a smile that seems friendly on the outside, but there’s a clear sparkle of danger in his eyes. “C’mon. Humour me.”

Against his better judgement, Etho relents and lets Joker lead him away. Just as he expects, Joker takes him down to storage and opens up the door that Etho already knows is there.

But he’s never seen it for himself until now.

“You like it?” says Joker, the hint of a smirk on his face. “It’s impressive, right? You wanna go inside and check it out?”

No way in hell, Etho wants to say. But not only is he too Canadian to say that but also part of him does indeed want to check it out. He’s never seen the airlock in person; the game only chooses one random imposter every now and then to give its location to. So maybe he SHOULD check it out while he has the chance…

After a moment, Etho glances sideways at Joker. “I’d rather not. We agreed not to use it again, didn’t we?”

Joker scoffs. “Oh, yeah, sure, of course we did. So why don’t you step inside? Nothing to fear, surely.”

His friend’s flippant nature surprises Etho. Joker can be facetious but surely he saw how serious Etho was about using the airlock to kill people.

Finally, Etho steps towards the airlock.

Immediately, Joker shoves him forward into it.

Etho scrambles to his feet just as the doors start to slide closed and grabs the hem of Joker’s lab coat, yanking him towards him. Joker lets out a yelp as he lands in the airlock alongside Etho, the doors shutting behind him.

“ETHO!” Joker screeches. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”

Etho hurriedly clamps his hands down on Joker’s shoulders, forcing him to stay in place. “Listen to me! This is urgent, Joker!”

“What?!” snarls Joker. “WHAT?! WHAT IS SO URGENT THAT YOU-”

“Joker, tell me you remember me saying not to use the airlock again!”

Joker tries to pull away. “You’re crazy! Do you seriously think I would forget if the airlock had been used before?!”

“It HAS!” Etho gives his friend a shake. “Joker, it HAS! This is the fourth time it’s been used and for some reason, nobody except me remembers. There’s something strange about it; in fact, it shouldn’t exist. I don’t know if you’ll remember this next round, but Joker, I need you to promise me that if I come up to you again and ask about the airlock, you’ll say the word “countdown” to show you remember.”

Joker stares at him in confusion and slight anger. “What? Why?”

“Promise me!”

Clearly sensing the urgency in Etho’s tone, Joker finally relents. “Fine. But I’m not gonna forget that you ruined this round for me.”

Etho just shakes his head. “Alright. Thank you.”

…

Etho doesn’t bother bringing up the airlock in the lobby after the round is over. Next round, he seeks Joker out immediately and draws him into admin, despite Joker’s protesting. “Don’t kill me this soon, man!” he complains. “I don’t wanna die first.”

“Joker, I need you to tell me that word,” Etho says urgently. “Remember? That word we agreed on last round.”

Joker gives him a look, as if Etho’s crazy. “I don’t know what you mean, dude.”

“Please, it’s urgent. It’s really urgent.”

“Sorry, but I really don’t know what you mean. I really don’t remember you telling me any particular word. Sorry.”

After a moment, Etho releases Joker and wordlessly leaves the room. He can’t say he’s very surprised but he’s disappointed nonetheless. He was so close to finally having another person remember the airlock.

He heads down to storage, but the airlock is nowhere to be found. And since he’s not the imposter, he has no way to even find it, let alone open it. All he knows that the airlock is in storage, but he can’t quite recall where, and the game doesn’t give him any hints.

The only thing he finds in storage is Zedaph standing at the gas can. He gives his friend a smile and a wave as he passes through. “Hey, Zedaph.”

Zedaph only says a single word in reply. A word that makes Etho spin around immediately, but Zedaph has already disappeared. Standing alone in the corridor between storage and electrical, he can’t help a shiver, as the word echoes in his mind, letting him know that this whole situation runs deeper than he first thought.

“Countdown.”

[15ktherapy]

OKAAAAY. where do I start with this….. okay actually I’ll start with So I Was Looking At The Website To Keep Track Of How Etho Was Doing. HE GOT 32ND!!!!! better than I thought he would and really good when the number one etho related bit rn is ppl making fun of him for being “washed up.” ANYWAY. Um. so it was his first eventjust because it’s kinda on topic look at this list

haha funny. OKAY SECONDLY. theee was a “hey guys we all love etho and it’s his first even let’s do what he wants ^_^” bit and it was cute UNTIL THE LAST GAME WHEN SCOTTS TELLING HIM TO GET PPL TO VOTE PARKOUR TAG. which I was so mad about bc SOT NIMBER ONE!!!! AND ALSO BECAUSE ETHO LITERALLY WANTED TO PLAY SANDS OF TIME 😭😭 Scott’s like We Should Get Parkour Tag Because Orange Is A Really Good SOT Team. and ethos like ohhh are you sure ? okay I guess. HE WANTED TO PLAY SOT >:C he literally is like shilling out scotts propaganda in chat cuz he was told too and then is putting “might’ve be forced to say maybe a little” after. GRRRR. anyway so I was happy sot got played and. AFTER THE EVENT. wthos getting a little quiz Hey Etho Which Game Was Ur Fave. what’s he say? sands of time. it ended up being his favorite and he almost didn’t play it despite wanting to because one of the top teams SCOTT MADE is really good at this game and we wanna Win Right? (fun fact scar was explaining how the DESIGN DOME worked to etho yesterday. he had no real idea what was going on he just went for the funsies) grrrrrrr. see normally I’m more normal I think about things but like. I don’t have to explain the reputation of scottsmajor to us dream stans so like. while I’d normally be more forgiving and be like wthos a grown man and he can make his own decisions (that’s true he is) if he wants to go along with what he’s told then that’s his choice! BUT DUDE. one I don’t like scott, TWO I don’t like that out of everyone he could’ve put etho with he put etho WITH HIMSELF, three hey Mr event organizer why don’t you listen to what ur new player wants a little? twit. for all the rise of competitive vs for fun playing you’d think scott of all ppl would want someone to have more mcc fun BUT NOOOOOO.

coughs anyway I think I already complained about how it bugs me acott put etho on his own team because etho is SO BELOVED. I and many people tuned into to mcc JUST for him today when I haven’t watched in forever because I’m tired of it’s fucking community and air around it— BLUH OFF TRACK. POINT IS. etho, who is going to be pulling hella viewers, AND WILL NOT BE STREAMING HIMSELF, Scott decided to put on his own team. very interesting. because if you wanted to watch etho pov the closest you were gonna get was a teammate and when ur choosing ur pov ur pretty much either choosing scott or scar to watch. hope you liked ur viewers boost, NERD. there was better ppl to put him with, like impulse or cub, maybe joel, HELL AND FALSE OR PEARL. if you want to excuse scott like “well maybe he just wanted to teach him stuff, he’s the event organizer after all.” I think ant would do a much better job if I’m being for fucking real. ant gets new player teaching duties a fucking lot of im remembering correctly and he’s GOOD AT IT. anywya im fuxking stopping here bc I’m already mad and I’m keeping it to my ethogirlisms because if we get to the dteam stanisms I will only get madder and probably less comprehensible and also will be HERE DOR THE NEXT FUCKING HOUR.

hello beloveds I took a nap but I’m doing mcctalkies again okay ? okay

[votederpycausemufins]

I said I had another chapter ready. so It's time to post that.

tagging @helleborusangel because they like my writing and @hermitcraftheadcanons since they and their community made the au.

now... with that out of the way, let's recap evo... wait shoot i mean hermitcraft.

“Pixlriffs! Turn on the tv!” Came a voice that followed a door being slammed open.

Pixlriffs turned around in confusion to see Zloy having barged in, panting with his goggles askew. “Zloy? What’s going on?”

“Just turn on the recap channel! Hurry!”

Even more confused, Pixl slowly turned to his tv and turned it on, switching to the channel that showed their recap show. “I thought you didn’t like watching our own shows. It’s not even a regular recap, it’s just going to be a clip show from the livestream. Why are you so-” But he cut himself off. Showing on screen was a countdown to the season eight day one recap. “What? But it hasn’t started. We haven’t recorded anything.”

“I know! I was with a friend and they turned it on and said they didn’t think it had started yet. When I saw the countdown, I ran all the way over here.”

“Do you think they just had a scheduling mistake? We might need to call the broadcasters and have them fix things up.” Pixl suggested, and Zloy shrugged.

“Let’s just make sure that’s the case and see which episode they’re actually showing. For all we know they mixed things up and this is just the season seven, day one.”

“I hope that’s the case.”

The two recapers watched the timer go down. Elsewhere, people were also turned into the episode. Some were pleasantly surprised by the supposed new episode. Others were confused thinking the schedule was wrong. Those who knew the hermits were confused, not having heard the new season was starting yet.

Then finally, the timer reached zero, and a familiar jingle started. And then a voice that was definitely not Pixlriffs spoke the phrase “This week, on Hermitcraft.”

“Wait, what am I doing in the nether? I just joined the world.”

Zloy and Pixl looked at each other at something they had never heard Keralis say. This was a new episode, but one they hadn’t made.

“A new adventure starts in season eight, new places and mobs to explore and see. And also Grumbot and Jrumbot are Hermits now. Welcome to the Hermitcraft recap! The show where no one is where they should be. My name is Toon Noah.”

“I’m Mysterious Goofball, and our writer is Pin Valentine. Today, we’re looking at everyone’s first day on the new season of Hermitcraft.”

The first person, Noah, spoke up again. “In this season, the hermits managed to update all the way to the second half of the caves and cliffs update even though that isn’t possible.” He explained what was going on in this season. “Everyone is scattered across the map and even in other dimensions. Monsters are tough, regen is off, and using chat is out of the question, so surviving is going to be tough.”

“At the very least, they can still respawn, so certain people have chances to escape. Escape what that is? Well, let’s look at what the Hermits have been up to.” Goofball said, sounding so nonchalant about what they were about to talk about.

“Starting with Xisuma, who’s started out in the deep dark. The admin’s helmet has been disabled other than necessary functions. His visor also gives him a little bit of light, so he’s not completely blind. Plus the fact that sculks are bioluminescent. But the warden is too, which has been able to find him a number of times.”

“Also in the caves in Jevin,-” Goofball spoke up again. “-who’s found himself in some lush caves. He’s got glowberries for light and food and the axolotls are pretty friendly. Plus, with enough searching, he was able to find a bit of wood for simple tools.”

“Speaking of wood. Some of the hermits have found themselves in the jungle.” Noah quickly commented before some audio from one of the hermits played along with its clip.

“Helloooo? Anyone around? Impulse? Tango? Hey is that Grian? Nope, just a parrot. Ugh, and here I am without any seeds.”

Goofball spoke up again when the audio finished. “Both Zedaph and Tango are in the same jungle, but the size of the biome as well as the amount of foliage means they haven’t found each other yet. Tango at the very least has started mining, and Zedaph managed to find a jungle temple and has already started on using the redstone from there for a melon farm.”

“How do you even make a farm out of that?”

“It’s Zedaph, what do you expect?”

“Well, as for the last of team ZIT, Impulse had found himself in the middle of a sea temple.” Noah spoke, as the video showed Impulse dealing with being underwater in such a place. “Between drowning and guardians, he hasn’t gotten that far away from his spawn.”

“In other aquatic news-” Goofball said, another clip from the hermits playing.

“If I never see coral again, it’ll be too- wait, is that False? False!”

“-Stress and False are also nearby to each other, both spawning in coral reefs. False was the first to escape, needing to just swim out of her spawn.”

“On the other hand, Stress was completely encased in coral and had to slowly chip herself out of the colorful prison. But by the evening, Stress was able to get to the surface and join False and an island, chopping down trees. They even started a wheat farm. But here’s hoping they don’t have to deal with drowned.”

“While she isn’t a drowned,” Goofball continued from Noah’s comment. “Zombie Cleo started out in a village. Normally, that would be pretty good, but being a zombie…”

“Leave me alone! I’m not going ta kill any villagers! I’m a zombie but I’m not that kind of zombie!”

“She’s been having an issue with the resident iron golem. With a bit of luck, she managed to hole herself up in a house which the golem isn’t going to destroy, but the villagers aren’t the happiest about it.”

Then Noah took over speaking. “From villagers to illagers, Mumbo Jumbo found himself alone in a woodland mansion, making himself the furthest hermit in the overworld.”

“Come on. Almost. Almost!” The video showed Mumbo running before he was killed by a vindicator. “Oh come on!”

After that, Noah continued. “He’s tried and failed many times to try and get out of the mansion, but eventually just started breaking the walls for tools.”

“The illagers aren’t really happy about it, but not like he’ll be going far, so I don’t think he’ll easily lose those tools.”

“Well at least he’s got supplies.” The video transitioned to a mountain top with three figures standing at the peak. “Grian, as well as new hermits Grum and Jrum are currently stuck on the top of a mountain, surrounded by powder snow. It’s pretty lucky that the three of them stuck together.”

“I’m not so sure of that.” Goofball spoke up, sounding a bit frustrated or annoyed. “While Grian tried to fly down for supplies to little success, other than fall damage, he hasn’t managed to die, using some sort of magic.”

“But it looks like the fall damage came in handy for Doc, who’s further down the mountain. He’s having a bit of trouble surrounded by goats, plenty of them being the screaming variety.”

Goofball spoke again, no longer sounding as annoyed. “Yeah, but while hanging out with them, he heard a different kind of scream and did something pretty smart.”

“Wait, what was- is someone close by? It sounded like someone just- wait! The death messages!” He pulled out his communicator and read the messages. “Grian died to fall damage! Grian’s up there!”

“I guess he is the scientist of the group.” Noah spoke, the grin he had on his face audible in his voice. “It makes sense he would be the one to figure things out. But even then, he still can’t easily get down the mountain himself with all the goats messing him up. My guess is he’s really regretting being the goat father last season.”

“Doc isn’t the only one getting familiar with the new wildlife though. Hypno has found himself in a large flower forest that has plenty of mooblooms. He hasn’t been able to kill any of them yet, and there’s only flowers and no grass for him to get seeds from, so while the place seems like it should be easy to survive in, it’s really the opposite.”

“The best idea he’s had so far is following some bees to find their nest and hopefully a tree attached to it. If only he knew he was actually really close to spawn, being the closest to it.”

Goofball took control of the conversation again “Well, that’s not entirely true as three hermits managed to appear at spawn, those three being Joe Hills, VintageBeef, and Etho.” And the three hermits were shown in what looked much more normal than everything else that had been shown so far. “The three of them pretty quickly figured out something was wrong and started to make spawn a safe place, also gathering supplies so they can eventually find the other hermits.”

“Except Etho got a bit ahead of himself.” Noah cut in. “He had a bad run in with some mobs and ended up dying, finding out his respawn is a bit different than others. But at the very least, he managed to find Ren.”

“Ren spawned on a cliff of a ravine. There’s no water at the bottom, and all the blocks in reach are stone, so it’s not the easiest to escape from. Still, with little else to do, Ren started slowly chipping away at the stone to escape the ravine, only to fall when Etho surprised him by suddenly respawning there.”

“Okay, I got through two more pieces of stone. At this rate, I can probably get to dirt before the sun is setting so- Etho- ooooooh!”

“At the very least Ren is respawning just fine,” Noah explained “So the two of them were able to help Ren escape the ravine, so he’s the third person to escape his spawn area.”

“Well, that’s not entirely true.” Goofball started to correct. “Before Etho helped Ren and even before Stress escaped her coral prison, Cub actually escaped the mesa mineshaft he spawned in. It was a little tricky with the cave spiders spawning, but he lucked out with the loot of a chest and was able to get a crafting table and pickaxe out of it.” Cub had found some iron, torches, a few seeds, some bread, and then used the wood of the mineshaft to get him on his feet in terms of survival. “With a few respawns, he took out the spiders and their spawner. He’s able to move around freely, but not wanting to respawn again, his hearts are a bit low, so he’s staying near the mineshaft for shelter.”

“Then, sort of nearby the mesa of course, is the desert, where the last two overworld hermits are.” Noah said, and there was the slightest ruffle of papers, like he was checking a script. “Both XB and Iskall are stuck in the same large desert, trying to find some source of food, water and wood. So far, the best they’ve found are the sticks from dead bushes. Out of the two, XB is doing a bit better since he’s found a cave for some sort of shelter, but Iskall’s much worse off,the sand messing with his one eye.”

“Between the heat, the sand, and my eye, I can’t even tell what’s real anymore. That cactus could be a tree or a town or- nope! It’s actually a creeper!”

And then Noah continued with a transition. “Getting even hotter now, let’s look at the nether. There’s only two hermits there right now, with different struggles to deal with.”

“Keralis is the first and lucked out a bit, landing himself in a warped forest right near a basalt delta, meaning he’s got up to stone tools. Plus, since nether gold ore can be mined with wood tools or better, he’s also got some gold boots to help with any piglins.”

“On the other hand, Welsknight is in a much worse situation. He spawned in a crimson forest and is having plenty of trouble with the hoglins.” And that was emphasized by a clip of Wels being killed by one of the mobs. “He hasn’t gotten too much wood before dying, but at the very least, he secured his spawn just enough he has some room to breathe. And hey, if he makes it out of there, he’s got a fortress nearby. But now to end this off, let’s head to the end.”

“TinfoilChef, or TFC is on the main end island, spawning on an obsidian platform just a few blocks from the edge of the island.” Goofball spoke. “It’s close enough for him to jump, but he still takes fall damage and has to deal with the ender dragon after that.”

“Not to mention the endermen too, which Scar is also having trouble with. He’s stuck on a smallish end island out in the further reaches of the end. There’s an end city nearby, but he doesn’t really have the means to get there. At the very least he’s got food from the chorus plants, but that won’t help too terribly much.”

“And lastly, there’s BdoubleO, who we’ve- who’s been lucky to not die so far being in a special situation.” Though they hadn’t been saying much, both Pixlriffs and Zloy noticed the slight slip up Goofball gave. “He’s currently looping in the end void, teleporting up to the top when he finally gets too low. There’s nothing in sight for him to know that though, so he thinks he’s just falling deeper and deeper. But hopefully he’ll figure it out eventually.”

“Well, that’s everyone, so that pretty much does it for this episode of Ev- Hermitcraft Recap. I was Toon Noah-”

“And I was Mysterious Goofball and our writer was Pin Valentine. If you’d like to see original content made by us, you can find us if you already know where to look.”

“Don’t forget to give this show a good rating and tune in next week for the next episode of Hermitcraft Recap. Thank you all so much for watching and good-Bye~!”

Finally, the screen turned black, signalling the end of the episode. The whole time, Pixl and Zloy had just sat there in shock, watching the episode and not saying anything. The thought of their show being taken over by some new people was scary enough, but the situations the Hermits were now in was so much worse.

Zloy was the first to move, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He had felt it going off during the episode, but had been too stunned to do anything. Apparently, he had missed multiple calls and texts about what had happened with the episode, who had been put in charge, what was with the hermits, and more related to the whole situation.

“We need to see someone about this.” Pixlriffs said, in a similar situation with looking at his phone. “Make sure people know we have no connection to this and hopefully also see if the studio knows who recorded this. I would also like to say that this is all fake, but…”

“Yeah, that footage looked way too real. I think the Hermits are actually in a lot of trouble right now.”

“Then let’s do something about it.”

[lechairpourriedegrianri]

Untitled Shulker Box Fic!

I said that I’d tag you in this so @redwinterrises

Words: 1728

Description: Seven scenes of Grian contemplating his partnership with Scar

Warnings: Descriptions of blood, injuries, and violence

Though Grian hoped his partnership with Scar would end well, deep down he knew that things could only turn out badly. Case in point, the tree issue. “If we made an iron farm, do you think we could get enough iron shovels to dig up the desert,” Scar deliberated, deep in whatever constituted thought for him as they moved towards the desert.

“I keep telling you, trying to dig up the desert is a waste of time. If we get the dark oak forest then we’ll have a monopoly. How are we even going to make an iron farm? There’s like three villagers and Impulse has them all.”

“We're smart guys! We can think of some-OH! There’s a bee over there.” Scar bounded off on a detour and Grian gritted his teeth. Scar was great, but when he was taking such a lackadaisical approach to things. having to follow his orders was unbearable. He couldn’t wait to die the first time so he could get away. Scar ran back up, “Had to kill the bee; so you think we could just steal everyone’s iron and diamonds and stuff to make shovels?”

Feeling something in him tense, Grian turned to Scar and did his best to feign calmness and control, “Scar, where on the server can you find sand?”

“The desert, obviously, the bottom of lakes and the river, and the beaches too I guess.”

“And where can you find dark oak?”

“Just the one forest but-” he trailed off when he saw the piercing stare Grian was giving him, “Okay. Forest it is.”

——

Grian stood on the edge of the sand dune, sun beating down on him as he watched Scar and Etho haggle over shoes. “Those are awfully nice shoes, Etho. Surely they’re worth some good reputation.”

Grian sighed, sick of watching Scar scam people for worthless garbage, “Don’t take him up, Etho. He’s cheating you.”

“No I’m not. You’ll get fifty whole reputation points, Etho.”

“What even are reputation points?”

“I’ll take it,” Etho kicked his shoes off and took the scrap of paper from Scar, making Grian groan in frustration.

After happily waving Etho off, Scar turned to Grian. The way the sun glinted off his scar from the creeper explosion still made it look like it was fresh and bleeding red. “Don’t interrupt my dealings,” he muttered, the shadows turning his skin a twisted grey. Grian nodded, having no intentions of doing what he was told.

——

“How do you make a tnt trap?” Back home the question would have been completely innocuous, but here, with his torn pants exposing the deep gashes on his legs from the fall, highlighted on his dead-looking skin, Scar’s words gave Grian cause for concern.

“Where are you going to use it?”

His eyes glowing with malice, Scar clenched his fist, “Dogwarts is going to pay. I’ll use the enchanter as bait and wipe them out in one quick blast.”

Immediately, images of Scar blowing himself to pieces rolled through Grian’s head. As nice as that would have been earlier, now….it was too dangerous. He had no idea which one of the others he could trust, and which could trust him. Love him or hate him, at least Scar was loyal to him. As much as he didn’t want to, Grian placed down a chest, “Give me the tnt you got.”

“Um, sure.” Scar tentatively dumped the tnt in the chest, as well as a spattering of minecart, observers, and pistons. “Are you building the trap or are you just taking this away from me?”

“I’ll….I’ll build it,” Grian shook his head, “It’s preferable to having you build it.”

“Good,” Scar placed a hand on Grian’s shoulder. It was rough, less a friendly gesture and more holding his lackey in place. “I’m glad you’re finally listening to me for once.”

——

Smoke billowed from the gates of Dogwarts, and Grian laughed. Jimmy had been stupid enough to nudge the tnt while the were disarming Grian’s trap, and and he, Skizz, and Ren himself had been turned into an ashy crater. Just the thought of it made Grian turn from giggled to unrestrained, ridiculous laughter. Scar and Ren grappled on the edge of the hill, and with a sickly crack Scar slugged Ren in the face, sending him toppling over the edge and letting him hit the ground with a thud.

Blood trickling from his forehead and a nasty scrape across his arm, Ren bellowed furiously, “You’ll pay for this, desert fiend!” before limping back to Dogwarts. Scar scampered away as well, likely to recoup in the desert. Feeling giddy, Grian turned to follow him, but Martyn grabbed him by the wrist.

“Grian, wait. I need to ask you something.”

“What is it?” Grian glanced back at Martyn, who was a mix of worried and hopeful.

“Big B and I were talking and…as the Blue Sword Boys we think we should try to rescue you from Scar. We’re going to ask Skizz to kill you so that you can get out of your deal without suspicion.”

Something in Grian churned, and a frown curled over his face, “What makes you think I want out of my deal?”

Martyn tightened his grip, “What are you talking about?”

“Right now Scar trusts me completely, and I’d rather have the most powerful wild card on the server in my palm than at my throat. So,” he broke free of Martyn’s grasp and drew his sword, “That’s,” he slashed his sword across his opponent’s knuckles, leaving a thin trail of blood, “A no.” A boot to the stomach sent Martyn tumbling backwards, and Grian ran.

——

Grian and Scar sat on a hill at a safe distance from the Crastle, deep in thought as they watched Bdubs and Cleo move about inside of their stronghold. “There has to be a way to get to them,” Scar pondered aloud, “A full attack isn’t an option, and I’d doubt they’d fall for the tnt trap again.”

“What if we trap their bubble elevator,” Grian proposed, trying to avoid eye contact with his partner.

“They don’t have a bubble elevator.”

“Then we build them a bubble elevator, act like it’s a big gift from us, and trap it to kill them when they actually use it.”

“That’s…actually pretty smart,” surprised, Scar glanced at Grian, who was looking at the tower with a calm intensity. “Let me grab the materials for it and-“

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, I’m building this. You keep them busy while I get the job done.”

“You actually want to help me kill them?”

“Of course,” Grian flashed him a teethy, soulless smile.

——

Screams of pain and anger wafted in through the window of the bunker and blood stained the desert sands red. Grian sat huddled against the wall of their bunker, hand hovering over the lever to the kill switch. Almost the entire server was out there, playing capture the flag on the largest death trap the server had ever seen. A body thudded against the bunker’s iron door, and blood trickled through the crack beneath it. Blood………

Blind to Scott’s tearful screams of “Jimmy!” Grian pulled the lever.

The sound burst one of his eardrums almost immediately, and the blast caved in the wall he was leaning against, sending him flying across the room and slamming into the opposite wall, fracturing his skull and shattering the bones in his left arm. Ignoring the mind-breaking pain, Grian rolled over onto his back, listening to the sounds of panic as the final small explosions fired.

“Grian.” Ren shouted as he stumbled in through the collapsed wall. His right arm seemed to have been torn open, and his mane of hair was matted with blood and sand. An ugly crack ran through his crown. “You did this. You have to pay.”

“And he will.” Before Ren could comprehend, Martyn leapt into the bunker, driving his sword between Grian’s ribs and twisting it to double the pain. Grian’s vision blurred, taking on a yellow tint as it faded.

——

“Where are you, Scar?” Grian called softly as he stalked through the charred ruins of Dogwarts. He carried the sword of the Red King and was coated in the blood of the King’s Hand. He stopped in front of where the Renchanting building once stood and eyed it whimsically, “We did it, Scar. We made it to the end. Final two, bud.”

“I’d count that as a win-win.” Scar’s voice was weary, and Grian caught sight of him entering through the main entrance, one of the few remaining pieces of wall. An explosion had clearly taken a chunk out of his leg, and deep gashes painted his skin. Barely able to walk, he slid to the ground, leaning against an undetonated pile of tnt. “Is this the end?” He said something else that Grian couldn’t hear as he crossed the way and sat down next to his partner.

“I guess it is. We….we killed them all.”

Something in Scar chilled at the way he said it. With a trembling turn to look at Grian, he quietly asked, “So who wins?”

Grian stood up slowly, blood rushing through his head so loudly he couldn’t hear anything Scar said or what was happening around him. He held Ren’s sword carefully in his hands, admiring the etchings on them. In a slow, contemplative movement, he took the hilt and gripped it tightly. Whirling around in a single heartless move, he ran the Red King’s sword through Scar’s neck, killing him. “Me.”

Blinded by fierce, undeniable red, Grian scanned Scar’s battered corpse as it crumbled to dust. He noticed that Scar had been holding something behind his back as he died, something that he hadn’t wanted Grian to see.

As the rushing in his head faded, Grian’s hearing returned and he froze at the quiet, but all too familiar hissing he heard. Scar had had a flint and steel in his hand. He had figured out what was going to happen and set one last fire, a fatal insurance policy.

Grian laughed as the tnt detonated, obliterating him and finishing off the last life on the server. At one point, Grian had hoped that his partnership with Scar would end well, but he had known deep down that it could only end badly for them.

[getgoodlol]

An Unwelcome Meeting

part 3 of my Bdubs' Betrayal fanfic!

heyo! disclaimer before u read; i never claimed to be good at writing. this is purely for fun! i am aware that the hermits are all great people and they're all good friends. i am just playing on the roleplay and the characters they play within the storyline.

please do not tag this as ship. thank you and enjoy!

Grian rocked back and fourth on his feet, his hand in an L shape resting on his chin. His eyes were narrowed, staring at one of the chests in the Barge. He was pondering a price change on dirt; it wasn't selling particularly well. However, there were a few diamonds in the chest, so he took them out and eagerly went to his profit box to deposit his earnings.

Upon opening it, he noticed a thin leather book placed gingerly inside. He recognized it immediately- it had once graced his hands, after all. He dropped the diamonds carelessly, now focused on the presumed response from Bdubs. Grian gripped the book with two hands, excitement pulsing through him. A risky offer was always a rush.

He closed the shulker with his gaze still glued to the book. Swiftly, he opened it and flipped past his note. A few pages in, he noticed more writing that looked shaky and wobbly.

Grian scoffed with a smirk. He tried real hard to make it secret, didn't he?

He read each line with an eyebrow raised. Seemed as though Bdubs had turned him down. He was in denial, of course- nobody would want to be a mayor's doormat.

Then his eyes grazed the final scentence. The word accept looked like it was written slowly, the ink was heavier and it was smudged a little bit.

The pure excitement that beamed on Grian's face was priceless. Luckily there were no shoppers to be blinded at the time.

Quickly, he whispered a message in chat to Bdubs. Perhaps he could've sent everything like this from the start. That wouldn't have been as dramatic, though.

Hey Bdubs. Got your message. Meet me at Stress' potion shop.

Almost immediately, he got a response.

Alright, G. Scar's not around, is he?

Grian sighed. So what if he is? You won't get caught. And no, he's not even online.

A few minutes later, Bdubs popped into view, his elytra making a shadow across the shopping district. He folded his wings and landed not-so-gracefully in front of Grian with a nervous grin on his face.

Grian let the previous goofy excitement die down within him. Despite it all, this was still serious, at least for Bdubs. He expected the Mycelium Resistance to be light hearted, but he had to admit, Scar was taking advantage of his power quite ruthlessly. Although G's attitude was normally jokey, he felt maybe he should tone it down for now. A little bit.

Bdubs opened his mouth to speak- man, when did he ever stop rambling? Grian shushed him before he could say anything. The base had to be kept a secret away from all the other Hermits.

Swiftly, Grian showed him the way in through the shulker box.

"Ohhhhhh," Bdubs murmured, earning a glare.

Once they were inside, Grian led the newcomer to the table and had him sit down. "How does it feel?"

"Different," Bdubs sat awkwardly, clearly feeling out of place.

"Different as in: you're not literally sat on the floor."

"I guess you could say that."

He wasn't talking as much now. Had Grian been too harsh?

"I'm gonna call the other guys, okay? I haven't told them I recruited you."

Visible fear washed over the taller man's face. "I'm the mayor's second in command. There's no way they trust me."

"And I'm Mother Spore, founder of the resistance. What difference does it make? If you really care about the environment, you'll make them trust you. Plus, they trust me. And I recruited you."

"...M'kay. You'll introduce me?"

Grian nodded. He was afraid he was going to fast, but he needed to act quickly. He knew this really wasn't about the environment to Bdubs, of course it wasn't!

It really wasn't to him, either. It was about the principal.

Grian pressed the button with a firm press, eyes staying on Bdubs. His gaze was aligned with the table in front of him

"Y'know, G, you did a really great job with this table, the whole place is really cool! You say you're not great at interiors, b-"

Though Grian would have loved to sit and gloat about his builds, Bdubs' scentence was cut short by six ender-porters being activated, and six servermates finding their way into their respective chairs, looking frazzled.

"Grian?? Did you call this meeting?" Impulse asked, fixing his hair. He looked like he had been working on something.

Most of them did; Beef was covered in paint. Or blood. Could have been blood, knowing VintageBeef, but Grian assumed he was working on another album cover.

Stress' hair was full of nether-y bits, twigs, even flowers that were seperate from her regular head piece. She must've been working on her base.

Jevin was holding endstone, which was a surprise to no one.

Ren was quickly putting on his lab coat, brushing off ash from his shoulders.

Etho looked unfazed, but curious, his eyes locked on the new member.

Bdubs, on the other hand, sat quietly, eyes wide. He didn't really know where to rest his gaze, his pupils darting back and fourth. His neatly folded hands came undone, his fingers tapping on his palms.

"Yes," Grian answered simply, "Don't worry, everyone, everything is fine."

Before Grian could explain further, Etho pointed at Bdubs. "Uh, Grian? You sure everything is fine?"

Impulse gasped. "An infiltrator? We have to get out of here!"

Anxious chatter broke out amongst the crowd, everyone starting to get up from their seats. Bdubs looked over at Grian with a bewildered face.

"Everyone! Sit down! He's supposed to be here."

Everyone obeyed him. He held back a smile; it was nice to be in charge.

"So you've captured him, then?" Jevin asked, folding his arms.

"He doesn't look very captured..." Stress pointed out.

"No, I've recruited him."

Silence blanketed the table.

After a moment, Grian continued. "Bdubs has had a change of heart. He's on our side now."

Everyone exchanged looks.

"... He's literally Scar's second hand." Impulse gestured towards the silent man at the foot of the table.

"His lackey," Said Beef, leaning on the table.

"Hey! Am not!" Bdubs exclaimed defensively.

"Bdubs," Grian silenced him. He paused for a moment, looking around at his resistance. "Welcome, Bdubs, to the Mycelium Resistance. We have many things in store for you."

"So, what, you're just gonna tell Scar that you're with us now? He's gonna like... blow up the shopping district!" Ren straightened his goggles, as if he hadn't put them on correctly.

"I was planning on it, tonight, actually. He's expecting a note from me, about the shops or whatever, and instead, I was gonna just leave him a goodbye note."

Grian shook his head. "No, no, you're not doing that. You're now named the Head of Secret Angency."

"You really couldn't come up with a better name?" Etho muttered.

"Hey, mine is 'Head of Farming'. You take what you can get." Jevin laughed.

"Enough about the names. Bdubs, you're a secret agent now. You will be sticking by Scar's side, and reporting everything he does back to us." Grian explained.

Bdubs looked as if he had been put under a hydraulic press. Was he up for the job? Sure, Grian could manage the resistance on his own, but ... something about morals? Taking Bdubs away from the capitalist power? Something like that.

"I dunno about this, G, what if he just... double-agents us? Feeds us false information and tells Scar our plans..." Impulse suggested wearily.

Bdubs took a deep breath, then a long exhale escaped his nose. "Look, fellas, I get it if you can't trust me. I'm Scar's... 'lackey'! I wouldn't trust me either... but you'd wanna join the other side, too, if you were under Scar's command all the time."

He got stares from everyone around the table. Grian almost laughed. He knew it.

As soon as Bdubs realized what he had said, he added swiftly, "He's just so prominent about putting all the grass down! H-he really doesn't realize that the mycelium is the natural land..."

"I think I trust him." Stress offered, making Bdubs smile.

The rest of the table stayed silent.

"You're dismissed." Grian said after a moment of quiet. "Bdubs, go to Scar tonight. Find out anything you can about his plans, and report back at the next meeting tomorrow."

Bdubs nodded.

As everyone started to leave, Grian could see Bdubs gingerly grab Impulse's shoulder.

"Impulse? Can I talk to you after we get out of here?"