#I’m not saying ban books I’m saying we should make sure people who have no need to see certian outdated ideas don’t

[comradeupdog]

Free speech absolutists are absolutely insane. Like I get the principle you’re working on but as someone who has worked in libraries and seen what people can and want to access, I just think we should come up with a rational and democratic way to say “no, you can’t print and present race “science” as fact.” And “No, you fucking pervert (negative), you can’t read Mein Kapmft, cause you’re a “historian,” cause your fucking not! Name one fucking German from the mid-20th century that wasn’t a Nazi and then maybe you can get access that book because you might actually need to read it.”

And I get that right now the right is trying to ban books for talking about LGBTQ people and that it might seem like we just need to say that all information is protected and needs to be as available as possible but what’s the point of having LGBTQ books if we are creating Nazis at the same library? What’s the point of fighting injustice in the library and diversifying our collection if our collection has calls to and defense of genocide as easy to access as books about not being a total pos?

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

A Letter From An Ex-Conservative To Her Parents On November 6th, 2024

Mom and Dad,

     When Trump got shot this summer, I remember you saying that this was all because the Left wouldn’t stop calling him Hitler. How we needed to “turn down the temperature” and stop “inciting violence.” I don’t think you understand that when people compare Trump to Hitler, it is not, in fact, just because they do not like him, but because he uses Hitlerian rhetoric on a regular basis. Obsessing over an imagined past version of a country that never truly existed. Saying that (insert frequently dehumanized other) is “poisoning the blood of the nation.” Before Hitler began the Final Solution against Jews, what did he say he planned to do? Deport them, until he realized it was too costly. I don’t think you understand that Hitler did not start putting people in death camps the second he came to power. Trump is currently in about the same position Hitler was in in the 1930s. Is it going to take him putting undocumented people in gas chambers for you to believe me? 

     You might think that I’ve only come to my current conclusions about Trump because of the lies of “the mainstream media”, which, as I’ve said numerous times, I don’t even watch. But it’s actually been largely due to the things Trump himself has said. I understand that you don’t like Biden calling Trump’s voters “garbage”, but the language Trump uses to describe his political opponents is at least as disturbing. He’s disparaged fallen soldiers as “suckers and losers.” He’s proudly boasted about being the president who got Roe V Wade appealed, regardless of the estimated thousands of women who are dying because the medical treatments they need fall too close to the legal definition of abortion. A massive portion of his campaign advertisements are explicitly anti-trans. He thinks Palestinians should be moved off their land because it would make “great beachfront property.” He regularly speaks positively of and rubs elbows with the most disturbing members of the alt-right, such as Laura Loomer and Nick Fuentes. He’s a bully. (you voted for a bully. Remember when I was bullied?) And if Kamala’s plans are incoherent, which admittedly some of them are, Trump’s are even more so. He doesn't have a plan. America is just another failed business to him. 

     I don’t think you’re bad people. But I do think your party is bad. This is far more than just one guy. My journey has been less one of changing any of my beliefs than realizing that the Republican Party never represented those beliefs to begin with. It is the party of the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer, of stripping the oppressed of their means to succeed and then asking them to “pull themselves up by the bootstraps.” Your precious Reagan was a racist. There’s recorded evidence. His policies were racist. He enabled denial and misinformation about AIDS until it was too little too late and millions had died. And you proudly display his book on your shelf, right next to Rush Limbaugh and Pat fucking Buchanan. Your son is a gay man. How could you. 

     Being a conservative, whether you think so or not, is inherently about preserving the status quo, about making sure things stay the way they are, that the people who are down stay down, and crushing anyone who tries to make things better. I didn’t vote Democrat because I am one. I voted Democrat because it would be easier under one such administration to push this country in the direction of equity and liberty. Project 2025 was intended for the next conservative administration. Trump may deny involvement, but the foreword of one of the sections was written by none other than his own vice president. And with the House, Senate and Supreme Court all red now, it’s going to be easier than ever for him to pass any portions of it he likes. 

     I’m writing you this letter so that you know that if a nationwide abortion ban gets put in place, if schools and parents who support their children’s gender affirming care (which does NOT mean surgery) start getting investigated (which some already are), if Israel continues bombing Gaza until there’s nothing left, if billionaires continue to take up larger and larger percentages of the nation’s wealth, if immigrants who’ve lived and worked in this country for years start getting deported in droves because they couldn’t get the right paperwork, that it’s on you and people like you, even as you continue deny the very real damage done in Trump’s first presidency, the awful, awful people who felt empowered because of him. I tried for a while this summer to see if I could change your minds, but all it did was screw up my mental health and make me realize something truly painful: that you aren’t the people I thought you were. Not when your reaction to police shooting students the same age as your own daughter with rubber bullets because they don’t want their university to be complicit in a genocide is “well, what are they supposed to do? They’re the police.” Not when a man can say immigrants are poisoning the blood of the nation and you still vote for him. 

     It breaks my heart that you and so many people I love have been so deeply conditioned to vote against their own best interests, to think that a government that actually helps its people without actively harming others is a childish, fanciful expectation. I think I truly believed to the depths of my soul until last night that this wouldn’t happen. That we were better than this. That we wouldn’t reelect someone who objectively ran a terrible campaign, who conducts himself with boorishness and indignity, who genuinely, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, represents everything that made me scream "Fuck America" out Laura’s car window this summer. But why should I be surprised America likes fascists? My own parents certainly seem to.

     But I hope you’re happy with your lower grocery prices, I guess. Which we probably won’t be getting anyway, because that’s not actually what Trump’s policies are going to do. 

     You sold out my friends, and entire marginalized communities, for cheaper groceries. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for that.

Lauren

[kararisa]

darling, starling

— 9. iridescence — ✦ (wc: 0.6k)

“Is this going to take any longer?” you ask.

It’s an interesting feeling, having Scaramouche in your lap while he does your makeup. The side of his palm gently rests against your cheek as he does your eyeliner, his brow furrowed in concentration while you rest against the cushions of your sofa. His indigo hair and indigo eyes are barely illuminated by the dimmed lights of your living room, an insistence of his even at your protest of the horrid lighting for makeup.

“It’ll only take a moment longer,” he responds.

“You said that ten minutes ago,” an over-exaggeration on your part, but you couldn’t see how a makeover could take so damn long.

Scaramoche grins, his voice dripping in mock innocence, “Perfection takes time. Or however that saying goes. I’m not used to putting makeup on another person so just cooperate with me, will you?”

You do your best to glare at Scaramouche as he finishes up your eyeliner. The two of you have been at this for a while now, bantering while he does your makeup. When he finishes, whenever that may be, the two of you will swap places so you can give him a makeover in return. Admittedly an interesting arrangement to re-enact for a scene in his book, but you have to admit it’s been alright so far. He isn’t terrible, he just takes too long for your liking.

“Part your lips a bit. I’m putting lipstick on you,” you oblige, and Scaramouche continues while he dabs color on your lips. “Our ruse has been quite effective so far. But people seem to think we’ve been in love for longer than we’ve been dating.”

Amusement colors your voice, “I mean, I like to think it makes our whole act more effective.”

He finally leans back to inspect his work after what seems like forever and declares that he’s done — time for you to switch places. He gets off you to take a seat by your side. You take the opportunity to reposition yourself and straddle him.

Only to get a proper look at him while you give him a makeover, of course.

A few minutes of silence pass when Scaramouche speaks up, “The whole point of me asking you to do this was for us to talk. So talk.”

“Like what, the groceries?”

“Doesn’t matter. Just talk.”

“Well,” you pause, twisting the makeup sponge in your hand before getting back to work. “I think we’re running out of eggs? And we only have a little bit of flour left.”

“Did you add it to the list on the fridge?”

“I already did, smartass. You were the one who told me to talk.” you laugh slightly when you see him glaring at you, and you move your other hand to rest on his shoulder. “Stop looking all grumpy like that. You’re gonna make me mess up.”

“I am not ‘looking all grumpy’.”

“Oh, you definitely are.” you chide, dabbing his cheek with your makeup sponge. “Ooooh is my grumpy face mad at me?”

“Shut up and just get this over with, will you?” Scaramouche averts his gaze. “Absolute terror.”

You move on to doing his eyeliner before you continue talking, “I could help you cook dinner tonight if you want.”

“Absolutely not,” he answers curtly. “You’re still banned from the kitchen.”

“The thing that happened with the air fryer wasn’t even that bad.” you protest.

“Do I need to remind you what happened? You quite literally –”

“Okay fine, maybe I should leave the cooking to you today. But one day you’ll lift my ban from my own fucking kitchen.”

“Not happening until you learn how to actually cook.”

“Gonna need a good teacher for that, so why don’t you teach me?” you jest

He gives you an incredulous look before responding, “Sure. Whatever. Are you done with my eyeliner yet?”

“Stop moving and I’ll get done quicker.”

✧— previous — masterlist — next —✧

summary: being the world-famous singer-songwriter "zenith", the limelight has been on you ever since the start of your career. however, the media becomes relentless when leaks of music you never meant to release begin to circulate. your friend scaramouche, meanwhile, seems to have gotten stuck while writing his second book. with a deadline fast approaching, he comes to you with a deal: act as if you're dating him so he can gather reference material and, in turn, he'll help keep the press' eyes off of your leaks until you release your next album. a win-win in your book, so why not help a friend out?

author's notes:

they're definitely not in love guys trust me

taglist — currently OPEN:

@aestherin @unsterblich-prinz @yourstrulykore @krnzysh @syriiina @yumiaur @featuredtofu @kodzusmiles @meigalaxy @fangygf @motherscrustytoenailclippings @samyayaya @hiimera @beriiov @e0nssadrift @dazaisboner @nillajhayne @chluuvr @nillajhayne @deffenferofjustice @romyoia @xiaomainlmao @hotgirlshit5 @potabletable @letthewindlead @esuz @toriiee @kclremin @angelkazusstuff @phoenix-eclipses @sakiimeo @mayuumine @ako-ang-mahal-ko @only-cherry-blossom @keiiqq @what-just-happened-huh @n3r0-1417 @haunts-gh0st @layla240 @mamafly @duckyyyx @certified-shrimp @kgogoma @xtobefreex @aeongiies @mechanicalbeat1 @meidnightrain @nordicbananas @feiherp @erzarq

[idrinkfrombuckets]

We NEED to start treating patches on battle jackets and punk jackets like badges to be earned.

 Before we begin, I would like to point out the difference between “punk jackets”, “battle jackets", and “alternative fashion”:

If the clothing has political calls to action, it can be considered “battle clothes”. 

If the clothing has both political messaging and punk bands incorporated into the design, then they are punk clothes.

If the clothing doesn’t have any punk band patches or political calls to action, but has influence from alternative styles, then that is “alternative fashion”.

I’ll give you an example of some pants i’ve made:

I made these pants by hand, using old clothes and materials that I either found or “acquired cheap”. These pants were made by punk methods and have punk influence in its design. These pants could likely be incorporated into a punk outfit. However, these pants are not punk because they do not have any political calls to action and they do not have any punk bands on them (and trust me– i love MCR, i named myself after their bassist–but MCR is not a punk band, they are an emo band. I would call these pants “DIY fashion”, “alternative fashion”, or “emo fashion”. I would not call them “punk fashion".

People may disagree on the way I have defined these categories, but the point of the post is the same no matter what you call it. If your clothing contains political calls to action, then this post applies to you. From this point on, i will use “battle clothing” to refer to both battle clothes and punk clothes.

Now if you have a piece of battle clothing, I want you to look at the patches and ask yourself, “what did i do to deserve these patches?” Say you have a patch of the trans flag and you are trans. Good job! You earned the patch. But now say you have a patch that says “support trans kids”. What have you done to support trans kids? In this case, I believe simply being trans is not enough to earn this patch. Did you get a binder or breast forms for a trans kid who couldn't get them by themself? Did you call a lawmaker to tell them to vote no on a trans bathroom ban (or trans sports ban, or book ban, or drag show ban, etc)? Did you join a protest? Did you donate to a trans kid’s surgery fund, or to an organization campaigning for the rights of trans kids? If you can’t come up with one active thing that you have done to support trans kids, i’d argue that you haven’t earned that patch.

Now say you have a patch that says “decriminalize homelessness”.  Have you attended a town meeting to voice your stance? Have you volunteered at a soup kitchen? Are you voting to remove laws meant to imprison homeless people?  Do you give money to homeless people who are panhandling? 

If you have a patch that says “unionize on company time”, Have you done that? Did you boycott in compliance with a union strike, did you donate to organizations that fight for unions, did you donate to support striking workers?

If you have a patch that says “from the river to the sea”. What have you done to earn it? And no, reblogging a gofundme post that you didn't donate to doesn't count. Making a post that says “hey we should really do something about this” doesn’t count. Did you donate? Are you protesting? Are you badgering lawmakers? Are you boycotting?  I’m not saying that it’s impossible to do activist work online, but if you go that route, make sure you are being active about it. There is a difference between making a post saying “here is a list of people to send petitions to and here is how you do it” and “ hey guys i think the genocide is bad”. The first post is informing people and providing them a pathway to direct action. The second post, though absolutely correct, is not doing anything other than letting people know you’re “on the right side”

I could go on forever, but the point is clear: if you haven’t done anything to support the cause that your patch is displaying, you haven’t earned the patch. And some of you may be thinking, “hey i’ve got to work full time, i'm extremely busy and poor and it's impossible to dedicate myself to every cause i believe in”. Trust me, i get it. It’s completely reasonable to concentrate most of your energy on a few important causes. But if you have time to make a patch, you have time to make one phone call. You have time to sign one petition. If you have spent one dollar making your vest, you have one dollar to donate to a cause you believe in. And maybe you only have enough money for one or the other, but it is infinitely better to spend that money in the name of progress than to show people that you are “totally punk/anarchist”.

 i’m not saying you should feel bad about spending ANY time or money making a jacket when you could be using it on progress. If that were the case, battle clothes wouldn’t exist, and they are very important to the punk and anarchist movements. But if you are spending time and resources to show people you support something, make sure you have the receipts to back it up.

And I’m sure someone will be like “but what if i’m too anxious to call a lawmaker AND i cant focus long enough to sign a petition AND i’m too busy too volunteer AND too poor to donate AND two scared to pirate or put up posters AND i'm unable to boycott AND-” idk man, but if you can’t do a single thing to back up anything on your patches, at some point you are cosplaying. And to the single person out there who is genuinely unable to do anything through no fault of their own, this post doesn’t apply to you.

And yes, if you are punk/anarchist you are allowed to make non-political, alternative clothes. But for those who just like making alt fashion and don't do anything in the name of political progress, don’t put political patches on your clothes and don’t call yourself punk or an activist. 

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[olderthannetfic]

I do think the disclaimers from authors about NOT ENDORSING!!!! certain behaviors in fics is pretty funny, but I’ll admit I do it too. Oddly I only put warnings for abuse of the self, not the abuse of others. I write a fair bit of fic that “romanticizes” (or seems like it does) suicide/self harm/eating disorders to the point where it can almost be a tutorial of how to do it if I’m graphic enough. So in those I normally just add dead dove tags and put a disclaimer about how the trigger warning is no joke and you shouldn’t do the things that the characters do in the fic. It’s not like a Lifetime Movie end credits where the authors note is filled with hotlines and stuff, just a quick little note that, hey, yeah, if you’re considering this, don’t do it.

Oddly, I don’t think that behavior comes from fandom itself but rather from a completely different corner of the internet — when I struggled with the same stuff that I write about, it was pretty common for everyone’s bio to say that they “don’t promote” or they’re “not pro” and I guess old habits die hard. (Whether or not certain types of depression/SH/ana blogs etc really DONT promote or those words are just a please-don’t-ban-me card is a completely different discussion.)

It’s pretty ironic actually because when I’m on the other side of things (as the reader), reading about it is really cathartic in fic, but triggering (not in a fun way) in “real” books. Like there’s several books I had to DNF or shelf because it got to be too much, but oddly enough fic actually helps me a lot.

WOW that was all way heavier than I intended to get when I first started typing this ask! But yeah, that’s my own personal relationship to “I do not endorse” and I didn’t realize how odd it actually is until I started reading some of these other asks! I don’t think any type of “this is bad, actually” authors note is ever necessary honestly, but I also don’t think they’re that big of a deal — if a note from the writer about how they’re ~totally against the “bad” thing they’re writing about~ really takes you out of the fic that much, I don’t understand that either…it’d be one thing if they rambled on and on but even then I don’t think it’s that big of a deal 🤣 Annoying maybe but no one is required to read the AN.

My general threshold is “would a movie/podcast/real™️ book have a similar Viewer Discretion Adviced notice? If so, your A/N is likely fine and not virtual signal-ly or OTT at all.”

--

Heh. I think you're assuming a very different type of PSA from what other people are.

From what I've read, self-harm, suicide, and disordered eating are some of the topics that are a bit Monkey See, Monkey Do. Even support group discussions may increase the desire to cut, for example. It's still not 1:1, and we should be able to make art about serious topics, but a PSA doesn't feel totally absurd here. There are plenty of scientific studies showing measurable increases in people hurting themselves IRL after consuming certain material. Even if you did include a hotline, most people's objection is like "That number isn't valid for where I live", not "No one should ever do this".

I think if you polled people, you'd find that many of the PSA-haters are actually totally fine with "Hey, this fic contains serious depictions of mental illness. Make sure you're up for that today." and similar warnings.

But what people are actually talking about in 99% of "PSAs suck" discussions is rape fantasies.

Some clown writes a fic that is blatant fap material for people who like bodice ripper ravishment, and then they plaster it with "Rape Fantasies Bad" commentary that shows that they're judging themselves and their readers in a puritanical way that's a mega-buzzkill, completely out of keeping with the tone of the fic, and completely out of keeping with the actual scientific evidence.

Rape fantasies are commonplace and not a big deal, and to the extent that any depictions are demonstrably harmful, it's things like mainstream Hollywood movies reinforcing very standard cultural narratives, not somebody's sex pollen fic that's probably full of "It's so wrong, so why is it so hot???" anyway.

[seraphic-sibyl]

I’m tired.

This is gonna be depressing, so for my poor mutuals’ sake I’m gonna put this under a cut.

I’m so tired.

I’m so, so tired.

An election should not have people having to log onto social media and beg their mutuals not to kill themselves. An election should not have people making posts about how to survive a dictatorship, which books are likely to be banned, to stock up on medication.

An election should not have people crying in the streets or terrified for their lives.

I log onto social media and it’s like a bunch of people in the brace position before a plane crash. Everyone is helpless, knows something Very Bad beyond their control is about to happen and can do so, so little to protect themselves. You can’t stop the plane from crashing. You can only brace.

And what? 80 million people are CHEERING for this?

I have a hard time believing all these people are that hateful. But they are uneducated, or selfish, or ignorant, and the Republican party just takes advantage of that.

And so many of them really are that hateful.

And when bad things happen that don’t affect those people, they cheer. And when the bad things that do affect them happen, it’ll be anyone’s fault but their orange god’s. They don’t realize they are a cult, and they willingly traded away EVERYONE’S freedom for this.

I just voted in my first election. I don’t know if I will vote again in an election that matters.

And I will be one of the last few that remembers civil, peaceful elections. I was a young child when Obama won reelection against Romney. Back then, the teacher could hold a mock election amongst us kids and it wouldn’t turn ugly. I can’t wait for the next election, I thought, it’ll be such a fun spectacle.

Nope. We got Trump 1.0 instead. And ever since then the rot has been so obvious.

There are kids alive today that won’t remember the world any different.

I’ve had some time to think about how people are this evil, or apathetic, or easily brainwashed (Gen Z is becoming MORE conservative??? Are you NUTS??). I have no good answer. I feel like I’ve truly lost the last of my innocence. I miss being 14 and just loving life, being optimistic and believing in the inner good of humanity.

And the worst part is, there is no comfort. People are consoling one another and trying to reach out and find solace in community, but there is nothing we can do to delay what is coming for us. And it is bad. People are turning to their friends and local communities because they are realizing that their government will no longer do anything to help them.

Look, I know there have been Bad Periods and Good Periods everywhere on Earth for all of humanity. It’s nothing new. But now I feel that I won’t see the good again in my lifetime. Things will never be as good as they were when I was a kid. If in the future there is ever someone here where I am sitting now enjoying our hard-earned freedoms, it won’t be me.

The climate is what scares me, too. If it weren’t for that I’d feel that at some point things would be good again, right? Right?

Now I just wonder if everyone, even the ones who played fair, even the ones a million miles away, have run out of time.

There are barely any memes. Tumblr was all prepared with the Destiel memes and then it turned out most people were too depressed to even use them. (November 5 will never hit the same, that’s for damn sure.) No one is laughing anymore. When I looked at Tumblr on Wednesday morning, no one was even saying what happened. They were just reblogging hope posts and cute animals and goddamn suicide hotlines. No one wanted to say it.

I can hear the bell tolling.

There’s nowhere to hide anymore. And I am SO. Goddamn. Tired.

Why are humans such a species?

[transfaguette]

same anon from the puritanical ideals message- the fiction thing is wild because like.... don't get me wrong i do agree there's more shades of gray to the "morality in fiction" debate than most people allow (namely i don't believe in the concept that books should be banned or burned for moral impurity, but at the same time i think there are obviously dozens of cases where works truly were made with observably harmful impact, and i do think it's our responsibility as a public to react appropriately, make sure that harm is discussed, treat these works with a certain amount of scrutiny, etc etc) but the problem is that people believing something without nuance no matter how people try to introduce nuance isn't Puritanism it's Dogma. and in addition almost none of the people who Are on the Far End of the morality of fiction debate have literally any power in society, something which The Church (tm) decidedly Does have. like it's not that these discussions aren't worth having and it's not that some people Aren't being unreasonable it's that perhaps we need more words. and perhaps we need more perspective. because like if someone says "puritan" and your immediate thought is a 14 year old fandom blogger with bad takes about lolita you Really need perspective. because what Should be your immediate thought is say... preachers telling 7 year old girls they must maintain their virginity until marriage or be forever tainted

YUP you hit the nail on the head. it bothers me that some people think that someones writing shouldn’t ever be used as a judge of character, but I don’t think thats true! You can read Ben Shapiro’s fiction novel and tell a lot about his views on the world. And obviously his novel is meant to be sickenly political so its very natural to draw those conclusions and I understand where fanfiction has different intentions but still. i’m not saying every piece of taboo fiction reflects on the authors moral character but it certainly isn’t inherently detached from it either like they would like to act like it is.

[edelfie]

hello,

sorry for disappearing for *checks watch* nearly two months. it will happen again, unfortunately. if you don’t want to sit through this whole ramble, just know that taste will be updated soon, any nsfw-content i make (taste and otherwise) will be posted on a private account (soon to be created), and you should be downloading your fanfics. anyways, to those who do wish to read it all:

i know many people are waiting for an update to taste, and that is on the way (eventually), however a series of unforeseen inconveniences (such as my laptop exploding and my documents deleting mysteriously) have delayed the release. however, i do want to say some things in light of recent events in the united states.

from here on, until i am in a place (literally and metaphorically) where i feel safe, i will be removing any and all personally identifying information about myself. this won’t stop anyone truly seeking me, i’m aware, but i believe in practicing an abundance of caution. i will continue to promote what i believe is justice, and i will continue to share the fundraisers and relevant news to what i believe is right, however i must prioritize my safety. this does not change anything about who i am, only who i allow to know such information.

back to taste though, i am getting around to answering and asks/comments submitted since i last logged on, so don’t worry. also, there has been a change in how i handle nsfw content in it. for both taste and future works, all my nsfw content will be locked behind another account which will be private. this is not just to spoil any fun, but also because of plans by president trump’s cabinet to purge “obscene material” from the internet. while i’m sure many things i write about qualify as obscene, at least the obvious explicit content will be secluded to that account.

finally, please take the urgings of myself and many other seriously when we say to create physical media of the things you love. download your favorite fanfics and save them to a usb-drive, burn cds with your favorite songs, buy physical copies of books that may be banned. i myself have been compiling a list of fanfictions that are dear to my heart, and i hope i can share that with you all as soon as possible. hopefully by then there will still be time, because the death of culture is the death of society.

anyways, don’t be afraid to grieve during this time. but always remember that you are strong and that this is not the end.

take care of yourselves,

eury

[zerolostwalks]

WIP Wednesday

(Sort of. It's a scene from somewhere within the We Run Together universe. Somewhere in the void between they've met Julie and told her they're wolves. This particular scene would be the lead up to Julie inadvertently falling asleep on Bobby, and it turning into a massive cuddle pile)

No one is surprised when they get home to find Julie’s still there. She’s been hanging out at their place more and more over the past month. Which, honestly, was more than fine by all of them. 

As far as Luke’s concerned she could move in tomorrow, she’s part of the band after all. It didn’t make sense the offer hadn’t been extended already. Not with how quickly they’d all latched onto each other after they first met. 

But that was an ongoing debate among all of them with no clear end in sight. Besides, as often pointed out by Alex and Bobby, it didn’t make much sense to ask her to move in without first telling her about how they were all wolves. Probably should have told her before extending the band offer as well. Just two more topics often argued about when she wasn’t around, or just out of ear shot. 

So, yeah, finding her at their place was becoming more of a regular and comforting sight. Despite what the others may say, Luke knew they felt the same. 

It’s barely surprising to find her and Reggie still sitting around the small living room table with all their books and notes spread out between them. The two of them had started studying earlier that morning, ridiculously so for a Saturday.  Even if Reggie had assured that they’d be done in no time, just a quick refresher before exams next week. 

No, the surprising detail about returning home and instantly gets them all starting to worry is the worried scowl Reggie shoots their way the moment they step inside. His eyes dart between them and Julie who is curled over the table, quietly muttering to herself. Bobby and Willie’s nostrils flare as they too start to scowl in concern, closely followed by Alex, and Luke braces for whatever scent must be permeating the room.

“Have you guys taken any breaks or eaten?” Alex asks, voice laced with concern.

“Yes.” Julie irritatedly says, throwing a glare Alex’s way. Luke has to bite the inside of his lip to not react to the way Reggie is vehemently shaking his head behind her. Then just barely manages to elbow Bobby in the ribs before the growl building in his chest can get loud enough for her to hear. 

“Right.” Bobby says far too neutrally for the storm sure to be brewing under the surface. “I’m going to make everyone dinner.”

“It’s not even four yet.” Julie says and thankfully her focus has shifted back to the study materials in front of her so she misses the worrying glances they all exchange over her head. 

It shouldn’t be that much of a surprise Julie had told them she could tend to get a little too focused this time. Which Luke got, he really did, he could get like that too sometimes. So focused the rest of the world would fade away. 

Still doesn’t change how worrying her not eating is. 

“Light dinner then.” Bobby gruffly adds grabbing Willie and Alex by their biceps and dragging them to the kitchen to help most likely. Luke would offer but he’s been banned from the kitchen ever since his soy sauce and vanilla mix up.

Instead he settles on the far end of the couch and watches Julie’s frustration rise as she struggles to grasp concepts he knows she wouldn’t normally. Or at least he’s guessing she would normally be getting this based off of Reggie’s concern.

“This is light?” Julie asks, staring at the dinner Bobby’s served.

“Yeah.” They all instantly reply not really understanding her confusion.

“Right, I forgot you guys ate like hobbits.”

“What’s wrong with soup and sandwiches?” 

“Nothing,” Julie starts and before Luke has enough time to start to feel smug she quickly continues with. “But normally when people are referring to that it’s like a sandwich with maybe a mug or normal sized bowl of simple soup. Not this.”

She ends her statement gesturing to the several platters of various sandwiches, most of them leaning more towards what Luke’s Uncle would call Dagwood sandwiches. Layers of veggies, meat, cheese and bread all piled on top of each other. Plus every place setting has a decently sized bowl of what looks like tomato soup but smells vaguely like one of those weird squashes Willie’s always trying to get them to eat. 

It all also looks like Bobby decided to re-channel whatever frustration he was feeling into going way too overboard with garnishing. Something herbal–pesto Willie tells him later–has been drizzled over the top of all the bowls of soup along with decent dollops of sour cream. And one whole platter of sandwiches has been grilled with some sort of cheese sauce on top, some with an additional fried egg on top. Luke’s so impressed he almost entirely misses the additional large bowls of salad, fruit salad, and chips. Maybe Julie’s a little right. He doesn’t say as much, Bobby’d probably bite his head off. Especially when he and Reggie are trying to convince Julie to just let it slide, sit down, and eat something.

[slothquisitor]

Candlekeep

Liv and Astarion go to Candlekeep. Featuring more complicated family dynamics, Astarion discovering he can walk on walls, and a lot of headcanon about a library city. 7.5k, Astarion x Liv.

Also on AO3.

_____________________________________________________________

There had been a time once when Liv had dreamed of going to Candlekeep. It had seemed a place of beauty and mystery and knowledge. It was a place that seemed to exist only in the sparse letters she received from her brother, in the books she read about the place in some effort to feel nearer to him. She had hoped that perhaps he would send for her and perhaps she would achieve the velocity of escape, finally free of her parents and all of the pain entailed. 

But it hadn’t happened. Roland’s letters had faded into nothingness, and Liv hadn’t needed anyone to save her. She had left all on her own. And now, as she arrives to the spires and the towers, she realizes that she could have come here on her own long before now. The majesty and mystery of the place seep away just a bit, this is just another city, another place in this vast world. 

“So, what sort of welcome should we be expecting? Is Roland as insufferable as Percy?” Astarion asks as they walk along the road that borders the sea. Liv can smell the sea spray and hear the waves breaking against the shoreline in the soft glow of the moon. Her attention isn’t on the sea, but instead on the dark towers that rise up like some great leviathan. 

Candlekeep is warded against teleportation, so they had to teleport to a place near the edge of the Cloakwood and travel the rest of the way on foot. She’s grateful for the delay, for the way it drags out the waiting and the time before she sees Roland again. Over the last week and a half, they’ve exchanged nothing but a handful of sendings coordinating this trip. She has no idea what to expect. 

“Well, seeing as he invited us, I’m hoping for a warm one…but Roland is very different from Percy. Or at least he was,” she says. “I don’t really know what to expect anymore.” She had thought she’d known Percy, but it had turned out all she knew was his mask…the deception he’d used. She barely trusts herself with her perceptions of Roland now, especially since it’s been nearly ten years since she’s seen him. 

“And Roland is a member of the Avowed ?” Astarion twists the word, makes light of it. He’s been incredibly supportive of them coming to Candlekeep, but he hasn’t bothered hiding just how little he thinks of her brother. 

“Yes, he’s a scribe,” she explains. “But out here, names mean little. Everything he has in Candlekeep he hard to earn.”

Astarion shrugs. “I’m sure he’s worked very hard since abandoning you.”

She gives him a warning look. “Can you please try to be nice?”

He grins. “I’m always nice.”

It’s a familiar refrain now. He has the sharpest tongue of anyone she’s ever met, an ability to eviscerate a person in the span of a sentence. His sharp edges have dulled some, now that he doesn’t see every person he meets as a potential threat. 

“We both know that ‘nice’ for you simply involves not stabbing people.” 

He laughs. “I’m wounded, darling. You know I only stab people who deserve it.”

She stops herself from bringing up how they met and the knife he’d held to her throat. “Roland said he had something that could help us with my research, so let’s just hear him out. You don’t have to like him or get along with him, but I would really like to at least look at some of the books they have here before they kick us out for bad behavior.”

“Excuse you, I’ll have you know I have never been kicked out of any establishment.”

“Oh and the pale elf listed in the banned patron’s book at the Waning Moon was just a coincidence, was it?”

“Very much so.”

“It said the elf used the word porcine.” 

Astarion examines his nails. “It’s hardly a crime to have a good vocabulary, my dear.”

The teasing is lighthearted, and a welcome distraction as they enter the strange, black metal gates that lead into Candlekeep. Set into the metalwork is an image of a castle with flames set atop each of its towers, the gates themselves tower over them both, huge and ominous. The nearer they draw, the less this place feels like a city of scholars and far more like a fortress. 

A tall, elven man meets them at the gates. He wears flowing robes in deep purple, and his fists are carefully wrapped. He moves fluidly toward them as they approach. “Names?” he asks. 

“Uh…Liv Vires,” she answers. 

“Astarion Ancunin,” Astarion says with a slight bow and wave of his hand. 

The man nods. “You are expected. The Gatewarden’s office is just inside.” 

She exchanges a glance with Astarion who seems to be cataloging the protections and security. Once they are out of earshot he hisses, “Closed tighter than a patriar’s purse.”

“And that’s just what you can see,” she whispers, noting the way the magic of this place clings to every surface. 

In response, Astarion slips his hands into his pockets in a pantomime of innocence. Liv stifles a laugh even as she smooths her traveling cloak, hoping that despite the hours of walking she looks just as put together as Astarion does. She’s a step behind him as they enter the Gatewarden’s office. 

The Gatewarden is a sturdy, half-orc woman with pale green skin and dark, magenta hair. She’s unarmed, but that means nothing in a place full of archmages and other magical types. Her brother, Roland, stands nearby, shifting uneasily from foot to foot as they approach. 

He looks much the same as he ever did, though his brown, curly hair is longer now. He also has the sparse beginnings of a beard. His dark blue robes suit him, and despite the nervousness, he looks well. His eyes, dark like their father’s watch her as they approach the Gatewarden. 

He offers a smile and a wave as they approach, looks as if he is about to say something, but is cut off by the Gatewarden stepping forward. “Welcome, Seekers. Scribe Roland, can you confirm the identity of these visitors?”

Roland seems to stand a little straighter as if surprised by the decorum suddenly required. “Um, yes. This is my sister, Liv, and her partner, Astarion.” 

The Gatewarden looks satisfied. “And what have you brought as a contribution to the library?” 

Was she supposed to have brought something? She knows it is customary for Seekers to bring knowledge to add to Candlekeep, but Roland hadn’t mentioned it. She does have a few tomes of note pilfered from Sorcerous Sundries, but she’d rather not part with them. She’s fairly certain Astarion doesn’t want to let the Necromancy of Thay go either. 

Roland steps in. “My sister is one of the saviors of Baldur’s Gate. She has a meeting with the First Scribe to tell her story. That is her offering.”

The Gatewarden doesn’t appear impressed but nods anyway. “Very well, you both are welcome in the Court of Air. In order to enter the library, you must meet with the Keeper of the Emerald Door who is available in the morning. You may go.”

Liv cycles through a series of etiquette lessons that don’t seem to cover this situation very well, and settles on a nod and thanking the Gatewarden as they exit the office. 

None of them speak until they’re comfortably out of earshot of the office. Roland shakes his head and is the first to speak up. “Sorry, I really thought that she’d be a little less intense since you’re here on my invitation. I..uh…I trust you had a good journey.” His words are awkward, punctuated by a nervousness she wasn’t expecting. 

“It’s good to see you, Roland,” she offers with a smile. She’s not sure what to do with her hands or if she should hug or wave or something else altogether. It’s been years since she’s seen him, and it feels odd to not do something . 

It turns out to be the exact right thing to have said. Roland smiles, more genuinely this time as he exhales, shoulders relaxing. “It’s good to see you too. And you must be Astarion.” 

Astarion’s smile is strained, his tone a touch too light, too practiced to be entirely authentic. “How very nice to meet you. What were you saying about a meeting with the First Scribe?”

Roland leads them down cobblestone streets that slowly come to life as they wend their way deeper into Candlekeep. It begins to feel less like a fortress and more like a city with people and taverns and life. It’s still quieter than Neverwinter ever was, and the shift is a little jarring. 

“With what Percy told me of the nature of your research, I thought that you’d perhaps want access to the libraries here. It is typically required to present an ‘entrance-gift’ to be granted access to the library itself. However, considering your renown, and the fact that Volothamp Geddarm is the only person who has written down any of your story, I convinced the First Scribe that could be your entrance gift.”

There’s something poetic about the idea that one must add to the knowledge of the library in order to participate in the learning taking place here. “That makes sense. It’s fine with me.”

“But perhaps one should have asked first,” Astarion says, words honeyed but laced with something sharper: a warning. 

Rather than responding to Astarion, Roland ushers their evening along. “I thought we could get some dinner together. And then you have a room waiting for you at The House of Rest.”

“The House of Rest? An entire city of the best and brightest in Faerûn, and that’s the name you give your inn?” Astarion scoffs. 

Liv offers Roland a smile. “That’ll be lovely, I really appreciate you making those arrangements.”

They have an awkward meal, where conversation starts and stops and never does more than skim the surface of small talk. Roland deposits them at the House of Rest, and then promises to meet them in the morning. Liv allows the young tielfing woman at the counter to show her and Astarion to their room, tells her that it will be just lovely, and then as soon as the door is shut, she casts the spell to their own home.

Astarion remains quiet until they are inside, letting out a sigh that sounds like relief. “I thought that dinner was never going to end. Well, is he everything you expected?”

Liv has worked so hard to keep expectations out of this, to not get her own hopes up. But still, she can’t seem to not want things to be different, to be better than they are with her family. “It was fine. I’m sure we’ll get more comfortable as we talk more.”

Astarion shrugs. “Well, we’re here as long as you need, though there doesn’t seem much to do here beyond research. I might die of boredom.”

“You’re not a little interested in the reading material? In getting access to the library?” she asks, walking into their bedroom and sitting at her desk to remove her shoes. 

“Of course, I’m interested, my dear. I’m just not sure how much I love that you’re having to pay our way in with the story of our little adventure,” Astarion replies, undoing the buttons of his doublet.

“I’m sure they’re just wanting a history, an accounting of it all for their archives.”

“He should have asked you first.”

“I really don’t mind.”

Astarion pauses his undressing and narrows his eyes at her. “You never do! That’s not the issue. He should have asked first. He hasn’t seen you in years and the first thing he does is promise your time and your story to someone else.”

“To get us access to the library,” she says as she stands, a strange sort of defensiveness rising inside of her. Astarion doesn’t know Roland…but then does she?

“It’s alright that you don’t want to think poorly of him, but I have no reservations in that regard. I’m sure he did what he believed to be helpful, but Liv…just because you don’t mind doing something doesn’t mean it’s alright.”

“If it gets us access to the library, closer to answers for you and Karlach…it’s worth it to me.”

He shakes his head as he steps close, hand resting on her waist, his words are quiet, almost resigned. “That’s not the point, Liv.”

They let the conversation drop. 

***

In the morning, Roland meets them in the foyer of the House of Rest. Astarion insists on accompanying her to the meeting though she told him he didn’t need to. She casts a cloud of magical darkness to protect him from the sun for the first leg of the journey through the Court of Air, but soon enough they enter the high-ceilinged halls of the inner keep she’s able to dismiss it. 

Roland introduces them to a gnomish woman of indeterminate age who sits at a desk, her quill scratching across the surface of her parchment by magic alone. 

“First Scribe Heliena, may I introduce my sister, Liv and her partner, Astarion. Saviors of Baldur’s Gate.” The titles feel heavy most days, but there’s something about hearing them fall from her brother’s tongue that makes them feel almost impossible.

The First Scribe smiles at her. “Welcome to Candlekeep. If you’d like to stay, Scribe Roland, you may make yourself useful.”

Roland nods and sits at a small desk tucked in the corner, pulling out golden instruments and parchment and quills with a practiced air that tells her he’s done this before. She wonders what tales he’s heard and how hers will stack up. 

“I understand you have quite the tale. Would you consent to a zone of truth for the telling?”

Ever since learning that their story will be the price of entry here, Liv has considered what she can and should tell, the pieces of it most relevant for the history books, the things she should keep to herself. The parts of the story that are not hers to share. She can feel Astarion watching her carefully, the way his shoulders tense. There are some parts of his story he’d rather not have in the history books too. 

“I consent, but there are some aspects of the tale I won’t be sharing since they’re not mine to tell. I hope you understand.”

The First Scribe watches her with sharp eyes but nods once after exchanging a look with Roland. “Good enough. Please take a seat.” She gestures to the soft chairs in front of her desk, and she and Astarion sit across from her. Roland approaches carefully, sets down a small golden sphere. 

“This will record your story, and allow us to play it back for accuracy,” Roland explains as he presses down on the top of the sphere. It begins to levitate, bouncing slightly as it opens up. Roland retreats away to the desk in the corner, a stopwatch in hand.  

Then, magic fills the air, a golden circle of light that blooms in the center of the room before spreading out like a wave. Liv lets it wash over her and doesn’t put up a fight.

“You may begin.”

She starts at the beginning with the nautiloid, the tadpoles inserted in their eyes, barreling through Avernus and crashing on the Sword Coast. She doesn’t delve into everything, every twist and turn of those first weeks by the river. She says nothing of Astarion’s past. She reduces their friends to their best traits, and leaves out the hurt and the pain and the fear. This is a story about heroes after all. 

There are other things she doesn’t tell. She doesn’t share the Emperor’s true identity. She doesn’t talk about Ansur. She doesn’t mention the diabolist that got them to the Hells just that they had managed it. She doesn’t talk much about Shadowheart how they defied Shar, and doesn’t mention her parents or where they went after. She doesn’t talk about Minsc’s turn as the Stone Lord or about Orin’s doppelgangers. She is careful when she speaks about the Crown, says it was destroyed rather than simply fished out of the Chionthar and then returned to Mystra. Some things shouldn’t be sought after. 

But she unflinchingly explains her decision, letting Orpheus transform and then running him through with his own sword. The world should know the sacrifice that was made, and that it was not hers. She’s called a hero, but she did not make the heroic choice in the end. It is knowledge she will always carry. She knows the limit of her goodness in ways others don’t. But even here, she cannot find it in herself to regret it. She simply mourns that there was no other way. 

Astarion sits silent, but alert through her story, simply watching the quill that dances across the parchment while the First Scribe listens. She glances towards her brother a few times, but he is unreadable, strictly professional, eyes never leaving his parchment. She supposes this is neater than having to tell the story again even if it is impersonal. 

When it is done, Liv feels tired and wrung out. The First Scribe smiles. “Thank you for your contribution to the library.”

Roland approaches slowly, taps the top of the sphere, and snatches it out of the air before handing it to the First Scribe along with the notes he’d taken. Liv only catches a glimpse, but it appears to be timestamps and different parts of her story, broken down into sections. 

The First Scribe produces a pass that they can give the Keeper of the Emerald door, granting them access to the library at large. And then they are dismissed. 

Astarion hangs close, as if aware of just how much this telling has drained her. “So, now that we’ve jumped through all the requisite hoops, are you going to tell us what it is you thought would help us with Liv’s research?” 

Roland smiles. “Come with me.”

He leads them through more labyrinthine hallways, and Liv loses track of where they are. A part of her stops caring anyway. She wishes she could ask for a moment alone, some time to catch her breath. It’s been nearly three months since the defeat of the Netherbrain, and she thought she was fine. But the bone-deep exhaustion she felt near the end of their adventure has somehow crept back in with this telling, and she just needs a moment. But she won’t get it, not without drawing undue attention anyway. So she just follows her brother. 

Roland pauses outside of a door. “They’ve been waiting all morning to meet you.”

Liv glances at Astarion and then back at her brother. “Who has?”

Roland smiles broadly as he opens the door. “Your cohort.” She stares at her brother in disbelief. Did he put together a research team? For her?

***

Astarion doesn’t like Candlekeep. He had expected that a city full of scholars and libraries would be rather interesting to experience, solitary even. Candlekeep isn’t like that. In fact, there always seems to be someone around, someone keeping an eye on him. 

At first, he takes it as a point of pride that he looks dangerous enough to warrant such attention. It is a surprise to be watched not for his beauty but for the suspicion of chaos. But as the days wear on, he realizes that it’s far less to do with him and far more to do with the fact that the denizens of Candlekeep are just fucking nosy. 

The nicest thing he can say about the place is that he can travel much of it freely during the daylight hours. Sunlight can cause plenty of damage to fragile books and scrolls, so much of the library doesn’t have windows by design. It is nice to be able to move about the populace during normal hours. It’s almost possible to pretend he’s not a spawn here. Or it would be if, in the spirit of finding a cure for his condition, Roland hadn’t recruited a gaggle of scholars who spend their days asking him asinine questions and watching him with banal contemplation. 

It was entertaining at first, and a sort of novelty. While not all of them fit the tired trope of inexperienced and socially awkward scholar, it’s still fun to poke back at them as they pester him with questions. They ask him the most ridiculous things about blood and the sanguine hunger. They have him do tasks and then drink blood only to do the same tasks again, looking for differences in speed or movement. There seems to be no shortage of people interested in helping with his condition, but sometimes he wonders if they’re actually interested in helping him or simply interested in observing strange phenomena.

The scholars, the cohort , Roland calls them, were his gift to his sister. The best and brightest members of the Avowed at Liv’s beck and call. If there are answers to be found here, they will find them. So Astarion puts up with their questions and the way they watch him. It’s only for a tenday anyway, no Seekers are permitted to stay longer. 

He doesn’t exactly appreciate feeling like a fucking experiment, but one afternoon a scholar named…something…it starts with a G, probably? Anyway, the scholar asks, “I read that vampires and their spawn can scale walls. Is that true?”

“What do you mean, scale walls?” he asks with a huff of frustration. How is this supposed to help him walk in the sunlight?

“Like…walk right up a wall.”

“That’s ridiculous.” He never once saw Cazador do anything of the sort, and he certainly hasn’t tried. Walking up walls. They cannot be serious.

The scholar tucks a strand of hair behind their ear. “Um…have you tried though?”

Astarion sips from the wine he’d been drinking simply to give him something to do with his hands and sets it down on the table as he stands. “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.” It’s not. Not by a long shot, but it’s hard to remember that when he’s about to attempt walking up a fucking wall. 

He places his foot against the stone wall of the room he’s been meeting the scholars in, and then, feeling like he’s about to end up on his ass sighs deeply and tries to bring his other foot up. The world…shifts. He is standing on the wall as if it is the floor. He takes several more steps forward in wonder. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” he screeches as he stomps along the wall, walking on it as if it is the ground itself. Two hundred years he’s been able to do this and he’s finding out now ? He can hear Cazador’s laughter in his head. 

“Get out!” The scholars stare at him in disbelief, but he’s not interested in an audience right now. He bares his fangs and snarls in their direction. “I said, get out!” 

***

“I’ve got it from here,” Liv assures Glenna and the other scholars who had come to find her. Apparently, after discovering he can walk up walls, Astarion had kicked the scholars out of the room. She’s not sure what they expected his reaction to be to something like that, but it’s clear they were surprised that he wasn’t simply thrilled with the knowledge. They’d rushed to where she and Roland were studying down in the archives, and she’d immediately abandoned her work. 

“Will you tell him we’re sorry? He seemed really upset.”

Liv nods. “I will.” She waits for the group to disperse down the hall, and then she knocks on the door before stepping inside. 

The room is seemingly empty as she enters. It’s cozy like many of the rooms here at Candlekeep. A fire crackles in the far end, and there are comfortable chairs scattered throughout for reading and studying. There are scrolls and books and parchment abandoned on tables and chairs, left behind by the scholars in their rush to leave following Astarion’s outburst. 

“If you’re here to tell me to apologize, I don’t want to hear it.” Astarion’s voice sounds far away, and she glances up at the ceiling, where he hangs, looking as though he is walking on the ceiling just like it’s the ground. 

“I don’t think you owe anyone an apology,” she says. And she means it. 

“Really?” He’s half-obscured by shadows, arms folded. 

She sighs. “Really. But I would like to know what you’re doing on the ceiling.”

He paces along the ceiling like he’s trying to break a hole in the stone. “I could apparently always do this.” There’s a hint of panic in his voice, a frustration she’s not quite sure how to combat. Astarion’s past is an abyss, a dark and twisting thing that seems to always follow them. Some days he falls back into it, and it takes days to claw himself back out. The path forward for him isn’t always clear…isn’t always linear. She’s sure it’ll get easier with time, but it doesn’t always feel like it is getting easier. 

“Well, it is a little on the nose, isn’t it?” she says, keeping her tone light.

He freezes. “Why do you say that?”

“A vampire on the ceiling…” she teases.

“If you compare me to a bat, I will throw a dagger at you.” There’s no rancor in the words, he’s even smiling a bit. 

“If the shoe fits…” 

He huffs a bit but begins making his way back to the ground. He looks tired, haunted. She’s pretty sure he’s counting down the days until they leave Candlekeep. She stays where she’s standing, letting him decide how close he wants to be. He approaches slowly, face drawn.

“I always knew that Cazador kept our true potential from us. That’s why he wouldn’t let us feed on ‘thinking creatures’. But to be reminded of it…like this…with an audience…I…” His words drop away as he approaches her, he stops a few feet short of her. 

“It felt like a weakness anyone could exploit,” she says, and he finally, finally meets her gaze. His crimson eyes are dark like bruises in the gloom of the room. 

“Sometimes I wish you didn’t see me so clearly,” he looks away, towards the crackling fire. 

She steps close, but not quite touching him, in case he doesn’t want her to. But he just looks at her and doesn’t move away. She moves slowly, reaching up to cup his cheek. His eyes fall shut as he leans into her touch. 

“We can stop at any time, you know. We can leave Candlekeep, go somewhere else.” They’ve only been granted the customary tenday stay of all Seekers, and she’s toyed with asking for more but hasn’t yet. She knows now that she won’t. 

“We don’t need to leave. I just need the afternoon off of being a science experiment, I think,” Astarion says. “Go back to your research. I’ll just…hang around.”

It’s a dumb joke, and it’s not that funny, but hearing him joke about this fills her with relief. “You know, you could send your siblings a no context sending spell, ‘Guess what? You can walk on walls. Hope the Underdark doesn’t suck! Bye!’.”

That startles an authentic laugh out of him. “Can you imagine? Petras would be too stupid to figure out what was even happening, he’d forget what I said.”

And the abyss has been averted. 

***

Candlekeep suits Liv, Astarion thinks. They’re relaxing comfortably in the reading room that’s become the little headquarters of the cohort that Roland built. A few of the scholars are still in the room, but he and Liv have retreated to the nook at the far end, sitting opposite each other on the comfortable bench. 

He’s supposed to be reading, taking notes of anything helpful in the book she’d handed him, but he can’t seem to focus. 

This is Liv’s element. She has five books stacked beside her and another two open in front of her while she takes notes as she reads. The candlelight isn’t strong enough in this corner, so she’s summoned her own light, and it bobs lazily around her, casting her in golden hues. Her dark hair is loose, tossed over her shoulder. She looks different from the Avowed, more comfortable and casual in her sweaters and jackets than their blue robes, but no less fitting in this place. She is beautiful and confident. More sure of herself here than he’s ever seen.

For all his dislike of the place and way he feels ill at ease…Liv is…at home. She thrives amongst these people talking about books and spells and theories. She’d make a good scholar. She’d be an asset here. 

One of the scholars approaches them, and Liv pauses her reading to converse in soft tones. He barely follows the conversation, and is instead struck by her patience, her knowledge. The scholar retreats with a smile, with purpose. Gods, she belongs here , doesn’t she?

“You’re staring,” she accuses, attention back on her book. 

“You’d make a good Avowed,” he says, words snatched out, quiet. 

Liv looks up at him and then smiles softly. “I think that’s a compliment.”

“You’re good at all of this.” He says instead of the question he really means to ask. Would she want to stay here, forever? He could…learn to like it if she did. He’s not sure it’s even an option, but if she wants this…well, they’d figure it out, he supposes. 

She nods, but her eyes are searching his, clearly trying to find whatever has inspired this line of conversation. “I do enjoy it, but the crime rate is a little low here for my liking.”

“Really?” 

She smiles softly. “Why don’t you pick the city we’re going to next?”

He’s surprised by how relieving it is to hear that. He doesn’t show it. Simply nods and turns his attention back to his book. “I will.”

***

“You already know the answer to your problem,” Roland says one late afternoon as Liv continues to pore over dusty tomes and fragile scrolls. Their time is running out here in Candlekeep. They only have another two days, and while Liv has learned so much, she still isn’t closer to an answer…to a cure. “It would solve both the problems, really.”

“Oh?” She looks at her brother. She has been coming at their problem from every angle she can. She has studied the tadpoles to see what it was that had kept the sunlight from hurting him. She has learned more than she believed possible about vampires, their origins, and blood curses. She has even, without admitting to Gale, looked into the divine, to resurrection and creation and she has plenty of theories but still no answers. 

He gives her a knowing look. “A Wish spell, Liv.”

She sighs. It’s a dangerous spell to learn, and even then…she knows the risks and she’d take them, but some part of her is holding out hope for a true cure…something to help more than just Astarion. “I know. I’m hoping for…more?”

“More than a Wish spell? Many wizards have fallen in pursuit of less, Liv.”

She says nothing. 

“What does it matter anyway? Even if you cure his condition , he’ll still outlive you.” Roland’s words are unyielding. She knows he doesn’t mean it in meanness…that this is just logic and practicality, but it hurts all the same. 

She and Astarion haven’t talked about just how much time they will or will not have. Cure or not, he will outlive her. It’s hard to say how long she will have, her proximity to and use of magic will likely extend her life, but for how long she is uncertain. But they will have time. Plenty of it if that’s what they both want. Their relationship is still new enough that talk of forever, of promises beyond right now feel too premature. 

“Even if I wasn’t in love with him I’d want to find a cure,” she says, as she shifts books around. “He wants to walk in the sun again, feel alive. He deserves that.”

The silence that follows drags on long enough that she looks up at her brother. He is simply staring at her as if she is someone he hasn’t seen in a long time. “What is it?” she asks. 

“You’re… you’re just like her…you know.”

Brelia. It might be the best compliment she’s ever received. She’s been fastidiously avoiding this particular conversation, happy enough to just spend time with Roland. Though they have avoided all talk of their family, save for Percy, since her arrival. But now that he’s brought it up…she can’t seem to stop herself from asking the question that’s haunted her for years. 

“Why did you stop writing?” 

The room is still; the silence deafening. “Because I wanted you to stop writing me.”

The fact that it’s the truth or that she’s imagined much worse answers than this doesn’t stop the words from landing like blows. It doesn’t stop the sting of them. She doesn’t know what to say. “Oh.” It’s all she can manage. 

She still hasn’t learned not to bet on losing dogs. She cannot help but hope when it comes to her family. She winds up betrayed every time because somehow, it always comes down to this: they did not want her. Not even Roland. 

“When I came here, I wanted to be someone else. Escape from everything that had happened. Your letters were just a reminder…a connection back to our family. It was selfish, but it worked. And time passed and I got better, but then…it had been so long, and I didn’t know how to talk to you. I didn’t know if you’d want to hear from me anyway.”

She swallows hard, forcing the tears not to fall. “I always wanted to hear from you.”

He can’t seem to meet her eyes. “I….I told myself for so long that not reaching out to you was about protecting myself…about keeping our parents at a distance. But I think it had a hell of a lot more to do with the guilt. I left you alone in that house.”

“You got yourself out and didn’t look back. I find it hard to fault you for that.”

He laughs, but there’s no joy in it. “I don’t. If our roles were reversed…would you have left me?” 

She wouldn’t have. She would have gotten them both out or stayed and fought together. “I…” her words falter.

“I know the answer, even if you’re too kind to say it.”

“We were all victims, Roland. I think doing what we had to survive…it’s okay. I don’t blame you; I blame them.”

She has always known that she was not the only victim of that house, of her parents. She has always known that her siblings suffered in different ways, but suffered still the same. Their parents are cut out, absent from their lives, but the legacy of pain remains. They had tried to twist and break them, pit them against each other, make them rivals, and Liv cannot think of a better revenge than finding love and family in what remains of it anyway. She forgives Roland completely and Percy too. 

Roland nods. “I missed you.”

It is such a relief to hear those words. “I missed you too.”

And it’s a start.

***

The tavern here isn’t crowded, but their corner is busy, filled with scribes and researchers they’ve met during their time here, all come to bid them goodbye. They have not found many answers here, just more questions. Liv insists they’ve found better questions, and she seems to believe that they’ve made some headway and found some direction for a cure for both him and Karlach. Which is nice, but Astarion wishes they had more to show for it. They’ve certainly put in the hours studying. 

Liv sits at the far end of the table, locked in some sort of debate about conjuration theory, and he’s trying not to count down the minutes until they finally get to leave Candlekeep. He sits in the corner, a bit apart from the group. They’re a smart bunch and mostly leave him be, which he is grateful for. He’s spent more than enough time in their company, and while there might even be some of them he genuinely likes, they’re leaving once night falls and he’s not really sure what the point of this send-off is anyway. Except that Liv is smiling and laughing and seems…happy. She’s been happy here. 

Roland sits down beside him. Astarion has avoided Roland where possible. He’s glad that Liv has forgiven her brothers and found a way forward, but he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to forget that they could have helped her and didn’t. It is perhaps ungenerous of him, considering his own history, but they were not compelled. They were not threatened with pain or death. They had choices. And rather than protecting her or saving her, they’d left her or used her. Percy for his own reasons, and Roland for his.

Roland spends a long time looking at his drink before he speaks. “Listen, I’m under no illusions. You don’t trust me.”

Astarion simply smiles. “Well someone should be skeptical, it certainly won’t be Liv.”

“You should know, she and I…we talked. Or started to anyway. We’re fine now.”

“How nice for you,” Astarion replies. He doesn’t give a shit if Liv wants to forgive and move on, but it doesn’t mean he has to. 

“You’re not exactly making this easy,” Roland says. 

“And why should I? You’re not as bad as Percy. He used her while you simply abandoned her, but don’t expect me to praise you for giving her the time of day now your parents are removed from the picture.”

“You don’t know what it was like we didn’t have a choice-”

He will not be lectured by Liv’s brother about suffering. “No. I’ve known far worse, and you did have choices. You chose to leave. You chose to turn a blind eye when as an adult you knew what your parents were doing to a child. You’re ten years older than her. You chose to not help. I know what it’s like to truly have no choices…and you…you could have changed everything for her. Do not talk to me about choices. You made plenty.”

“My sister and I…we did the best we could to protect her.”

“And it was still woefully inadequate and yet…she forgives you anyway. Do not forget what a gift that is,” he takes a big drink of his wine. It’s awful. 

“I’m grateful she found someone like you,” Roland says, finally. 

“Devilishly good-looking?” he quips without joy or humor. 

Roland shakes his head. “Someone who will fight for her. She deserves that.”

He told her once that she deserved far better than she’d gotten. He’d meant it then even without knowing everything he does now. Her childhood was a constellation of pain. A gilded cage. It’s a cosmic unfairness he cannot right, so he just has to settle for holding people responsible when Liv won’t. 

Perhaps there is some part of him that hates this so much because her brothers made the selfish choices and he very nearly did too. If Liv hadn’t been there to pull him back from the fucking abyss…he would have made the selfish choice. He doesn’t like thinking about who he was…what he almost became. 

There’s a lot he could say, inroads he could make, but he doesn’t do any of that. Instead, he simply says, “She deserves everything.” And he means it. 

***

The sun hangs low in the sky, and Liv and Roland walk along Candlekeep’s battlements. She’s already said every other goodbye and thanked the scholars and friends they’ve made during their stay. Their help will be invaluable as she keeps searching for answers, for a cure, for a miracle. But this is the goodbye she’s been dreading the most. 

“Well, it’s official, your boyfriend doesn’t like me,” Roland says with a slight smile as they walk, the stone echoing beneath their footfalls.

“I prefer partner…boyfriend makes me feel like I’m fifteen or something,” Liv replies. 

“Your partner hates me.” 

Liv shakes her head. “He doesn’t hate you.”

Roland laughs. “He does though. Percy said he was prickly and mean, but I didn’t quite believe that.”

Liv shrugs. “He’s nicer to you than he is to Percy.”

“Really?”

“They tolerate each other,” she says with a shrug. It doesn’t much bother her. Her own feelings about her family are complicated as is. She’s not about to tell Astarion how to feel about her brothers. 

“Glad to know it could be worse.”

“We’re never going to be one big happy family.” And as she says it, she knows it’s true. Sometimes your family is simply your partner and your two brothers who barely get along. And it’s still better than anything before because at least this time it’s true. “I’m glad to have you back though. I’m glad to have this. The rest of it will work out or not.” 

Roland approaches the stone wall of the battlement, rests his palms against the stone, and stares out into the sea. “I’ve been trying so hard not to put any expectations on this. On you, especially. But I just…I want us to be a big happy family. How stupid is that?” 

“It’s not stupid, Roland,” Liv says, joining him at the wall. 

“I don’t even know what family is supposed to look like. They took that from us.” His voice is so angry, so bitter, so at odds with everything she’s seen from her brother this trip. She wonders where this was days ago. Why now? Why is he finally vulnerable just as she’s about to leave?

“We can make it our own, you know. Whatever we want this to be it can be. I just want something true. We’ve had enough lies and obfuscation for a lifetime.” She only wants family if she’s getting something real from him. She doesn’t want obligation or duty or any of the things she’s been loaded up with her whole life. She’s fine with it being hard and messy, but it has to be honest. 

“Let’s start small then. Monthly family dinner. Me and you and Percy. What do you think?”

All of them together? It sounds…right. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He steps closer to her, a bit awkward and unsure, but pushing through anyway. He drapes his arm across her shoulders, and together they watch the sun dip below the line of the horizon. 

“Where are you headed next?” he asks. 

“Astarion’s found a job for us to do in Amn. And then, I think we’re due for a visit with some friends.” 

“That sounds…really nice.”

She pulls away so she can look up at her brother. “I’ll miss you, Roland. I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you here. You’ve got an incredible life surrounded by good people. I’m so glad you invited us here.”

His dark eyes are wet with unshed tears. “Do you know how incredible you are? I should have said so before…when you told your story to the First Scribe…I couldn’t believe it. All those things you did. You saved the world. I’m so fucking proud of you.” 

The words take her by surprise. Feel suddenly too big to hold. “Thank you,” she says as she hugs her brother. She remembers what Percy said, that after Brelia died they all broke in their own ways, but that Roland had broken further away. It must have been relieving to break down far away from their family, but it had to be isolating too. She wonders if they’re reclaiming back a piece of that today too. 

“Come on, we shouldn’t keep Astarion waiting,” Roland says. And she casts one last glance toward the sea, trying to commit every bit of this moment to memory. Because at least for this moment, she feels whole.   

[darkerknowledge]

OPEN DND ONE SHOT ON DISCORD

Hello, I’m planning on running ‘Prisoner 13�� from the upcoming dnd book ‘Keys from the Golden Vault’ on Friday the 17th of February at 6:30 PM CST. I will be the DM. I’m looking for 4-5 people to join me as adventurers! If you are interested, there’s more information below the cut.

How does dnd on discord work? It’s a lot like in person play, I will narrate, you will interact with your fellow party members during exploration/roleplaying. Combat is the only thing different since we won’t have physical battle maps and minis to use.  How will combat work?  I will have a hand drawn map that I will stream via webcam. I don’t paint minis, so it’s a lot of ‘this is a dragon, this is you, what happens?’ Do I have to show my face on discord to a bunch of strangers?  Nope! I won’t be. Are you LGBTQ+ friendly? Yes! Will this be a good space for women? Also yes! Age requirement?  18+ preferred, not out of any explicit reasons, but when everyone is over 18 it makes it easier. If you are younger, let me know as we will talk about it and mention it to the table so nothing inappropriate happens. How much does this cost?  A whopping 0 dollars! Are you a good DM? I had a dnd show for awhile, I wrote content for dnd as a freelancer for a third party publisher for awhile, and I’ve been DMing for four years this summer! I’ve had players stick around long enough to finish 3 campaigns, and that number keeps climbing! I’m not very experienced, is that okay? Sure, as long as your familiar enough with the terminology, we can work together. If you’ve watched a dnd show like Critical Role or Dimension 20, you should be good. I am newbie friendly!  Why are you blazing a post for a one shot?  I want to meet cool dnd friends, and I’m hoping after a trial run of one shots, if we all like each other, it’ll turn into a weekly or biweekly campaign! How long will the game be?  I’m not sure, there’s all sorts of ways the game could be short or go longer. I’ll confer with everyone on how long they can stay, and find a good stopping place if it goes on too long. Then we will do a part 2 if you all want to. You needn’t worry about having to go to bed and the rest of us playing. Will there be a session 0?  Yes and no. For a one shot, I don’t think we need to meet up beforehand, but there will be safety tools in place (such as lines and veils) and what I call ‘hard-no’s’.  What is a hard-no? There are a few things that I as a DM am uncomfortable with running, and therefore won’t. For example, explicit roleplay. This will be covered by a ‘fade to black’ if it even comes up (it probably won’t.) If you had to rate your content like a movie what rating would it be? Pg-13 that allows you to say ‘fuck’ more often than just once. I cuss a lot, but less out of anger and more filling in my sentences.  Can I play homebrew?  Not for a one shot. The limit is officially published classes/subclasses/species/subspecies with stuff Matt Mercer made by approval.  Is there anything banned? Yeah, Silvery Barbs and bigotry. 

What if I want to play the one shot but not the campaign you’re looking to start? Yeah, that’s fine. This isn’t a contract.  Can I talk with the other players to build a better team composition?  If you all are the type of players to want to build a group together, you are more than welcome. However, you should be able to go through the one shot playing whatever you like. I will balance for the party rather than the last person who joins getting pushed to healer if there isn’t one already. Your fun is important! If you want to be a tiefling warlock and we have 2 other warlocks, then who cares? ELDRITCH BLAST FOR DAYS, YO! Can my friend join? Yeah, if there’s room.  What if I really want to play and miss an open slot?  The more the merrier, I say. I’m also building a discord server for dnd nerds to have fun, so you could join that one and play something else! What are your inspirations? I love horror, but this isn’t a horror game. What I like about the fantasy genre is how cinematic it can be. It’s fun to narrate, like jumping in the air and bringing an axe down on the dragon’s head while it tries to shake you off, but you hold on! That’s epic! I love that, but I also love down to earth character moments, too. Your party slayed the ancient dragon and now have its hoard. Do you keep it and run? Do you pay off your debt to the Thieves’ Guild? Or are you Robin Hood types? What happens when all three of those are in the same party? Nicholas Eames, writer of Kings of the Wyld and Bloody Rose, is pretty similar to how my games feel, but with a lot less wink-wink-nudge-nudge third wall breaking.  What if my question wasn’t answered here? I’m here to answer questions. My ask box and my direct messages are open! 

[hoperays-song]

Rant/Vent

TW: Transphobia and Current State of Trans Rights in the US

I hate holidays. Because sitting in a room of people who pretend to care about trans rights while not doing anything to help them, while continuing to misgender and deadname me after four years, while saying that it’s not that bad in the US, while saying it’s wrong for me to flee for my own safety, while saying that no one is actively trying to kill trans people, is fucking terrifying. They know nothing on the matter and say that I’m being a “pretentious prick” for telling them information on the matter. They say there isn’t a genocide against trans people. They say we’re exaggerating.

I’m sorry but trans kids are being taken from their families. Trans people can be arrested for dressing like themselves. Books with trans rep are being taken off shelves. Hundreds of bills are proposed that would ban us from existing. Countries are now offering up asylum to transgender Americans.

No trans person I know doesn’t have an escape route planned. We’re being killed, wiped out from existence. We are terrified.

I have had to hold my kids and tell them that if worst comes to worst I will get them out no matter what. I’ve had them send me photos of go bags asking if “will this be enough?” I go to my classes everyday scared that will be the last time I ever do. I have a group of seven I have made a plan to get to the border with. I’ve been given death threats within the past week to my face. Sure, as my bio family said, some areas aren’t “as bad” but no 13 year old should have to be making escape plans. No one should. No one should be fearing for their lives instead of just living them.

We are stage 7 of a genocide. And I’m tired of only trans people caring.

[christiangrest]

Product Spotlight: SB Tactical SBA5 Pistol Brace

Pistol braces have been in the market for well over 10 years at this point. They were originally designed to assist people that had physical issues holding an AR-style pistol or rifle. The braces were approved by the ATF and the majority of them revolve around an attachment that fits onto the buffer tube much like a stock would, but were made of rubber or polymer material and had a strap to help support the firearm onto the shooter’s forearm. As far as firearm accessories, this will go down in the history books as one of the most innovative and successful product ever produced. In recent years however, the AT had attempted to ban pistol braces stating that they turn a pistol into a short barreled rifle. Much debate over this as well as shouldering of a pistol brace has been hashed out over the past 6-7 years due to political entities using this to further reduce our 2A rights. I’m not going to hash that out here, but suffice to say the pistol brace is a highly contested product. As such, there was a time when pistol braces were all but taken off of the market, but after recent court rulings, pistol braces are BACK! SB Tactical is the leading manufacturer of pistol braces and has has many successful designs such as their widely popular SBA3 pistol brace. Recently they introduced the SBA5 so I had to pick one up from Brownells to try out. 

At first glance, the SBA5 pistol brace has all the goods happening for it. It’s a combination of polymer and rubber with an attaching strap. The brace itself has the look from a distance much like a traditional stock would have. To me this is very appealing as some pistol brace designs take away from the aesthetics of the firearm look but I would much rather have it look familiar to other stock designs. The SBA3 was one of these designs that followed this route and the SBA5 does so as well. The other very important feature that the new SBA5 has is that is it adjustable on the buffer tube just like a stock would be and the SBA3 brace is. This allows the end user to properly adjust the brace to fit his or her body type. Fixed braces are much less ergonomic in my opinion. The last feature that is very much a welcome one is that there are quick detach sling swivel attachment points on both the left and the right side of the SBA5 brace. The only request I would have on these is that they should be the anti-rotation type. The feel of the brace itself, quality wise is very much on par with the older SBA3 pistol brace design. This is a very good thing to have and should help people who are used to the SBA3 brace want to also use the SBA5 brace going forward. One thing isn’t clear is whether SB Tactical has any plans to phase out the older SBA3 brace design. I sure hope that they don’t, but with the quality and features of the SBA5 pistol brace, if they did, at least we have a suitable replacement. 

So to wrap things up, I’m definitely a fan of SB Tactical and their brace products and so far I’m a fan of their SBA5 pistol brace. If I had to make one recommendation to SB Tactical to improve upon their pistol brace design is that I would love to see a friction lock mechanism of some sort much like the Magpul CTR and STR stock have. This will cut down on any sort of rattle the pistol brace might have on the buffer tube. If you’re looking for one of these new SBA5 pistol braces, be sure to check out Brownells as they have these in stock at the time I am writing this. 

[unknownentry404]

Unpopular opinion, but I feel like engaging with “opposite” queer media, can be a “safe” way to interact with queerness when you are still young and figuring yourself out. Like look! Being a teen and like: “ I like [insert heteronormative response relating to the gender you were assigned at birth]. I’m not queer! It’s okay!”

Like, obviously that’s not everyone. But some people definitely love fic because they’re queer, some because they’re young and questioning, some love it just to love love and interesting story dynamics not found enough in media, and some do love it because they’re cishet it is hot for them. And yes, that last group can make you uncomfortable and it’s fine to be so, but fic is so varied and writers are such a spectrum, so I think it is deeply unfair to blanket sweep all fanfic and fanfic readers/writers as “fetishists.”

I mean, god. Look at tumblr and how queer we all are on here. Those two audiences often overlap you know? I certainly don’t find many other ficcers on other social media sites (rest in piece LiveJournal my beloved). Fic has a deep and storied queer history and that should be cherished.

TLDR: a cishet person writing/reading mlm/film/etc is not inherently bad/your-problem. BUT if you meet someone that makes you uncomfortable because they are cishet and “obsessed with gays/yaoi,” you are allowed to feel uncomfortable and even call them out. But also, don’t go looking for fics and/or writers to hate on? You have no idea WHO is writing the fic you hate: it could be a 12 y/o queer/questioning teen or it could be a conservative mom with a fetish for the “forbidden” or some bullshit, etc.

Fanfic. It’s not curated, it’s not monetised, it’s not professionally edited nor written by a professional writer. (I mean I’m sure some golden gems are, but they are not the norm nor the starting point).

You’re allowed to be squicked out about it if it relates to you (and you’re not just an Ally making unnecessary fuss on what doesn’t concern you), but don’t go looking for trouble and attacking/shaming people you don’t know. But obviously, if someone attacks you with shit that is deeply triggering to you? In person or online? Go ham. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Once again I’m just asking for nuance.

(AND also for the pro-ao3-censorship people to reconsider: please understand that banning/censoring stories of any kind is a rabbit hole that never ends well. I mean look at the republicans! They tried to censor books in schools in Utah, in the “name of keeping porn from children,” but with the not so subtle agenda to get rid of queer and critical race theory books. And it backfired when the Bible got pulled. Trying to censor fic will just eventually lead to the banning of some legit queer/minority works of art and stifling creativity. Book burning/banning is NEVER the answer.

(As I always say: there is NO such thing as a bad story premise, just bad execution. Some topics are obviously more taboo and/or tricky to do respectively than others, but that doesn’t mean they can never be done well? Especially when it’s done by people who’ve survived such trauma trying to work through it in their story telling. Not to even mention that those people don’t need to out themselves or even be good writers for you to “justify” their work’s existence.

(And yes, by god is there undoubtedly some disgusting fics out there, in ao3 and published work alike! But that’s what makes ao3 so beautiful. Tags are beautiful. The culture of authors putting Trigger Warnings in notes are beautiful. More information not less. Look, it’s like the banning of porn on tumblr. It didn’t make porn less common, just made it more likely to stumble across when you could no longer blacklist nsfw. .

Essay clear.

[ . . OP, why did you turn off comment replies, my lack of a character limit made me go off the wall, I apologise. :’)c I’m too passionate about this. But it’s also such a hard topic to discuss concisely. Also: stating I’m so gay I’m straight here, to give perspective to my voice, (transmasc, loving the fems/enbies, etc). And have been reading fic for over a decade and a half, in all parts of my queer journey. . . Confession time: I grew up in such a small town and had such a controlling Homelife, that I came across “gay stuff”/“representation” for the first time with Yaoi when I was like 14. Was it a good starting off point? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But it also helped me break down that block of “don’t think-about/acknowledge gay people or you’ll turn gay” mindset I was brought up and brainwashed in. It made me not scared/“phobic” of just the very “concept,” which in turn eventually made me more open to learning when I went to uni and then eventually discovering myself in the years following uni. People are messy man. Love and compassion and good faith is the answer. Unless someone is actually coming for you, and has reached the point of no return: THEN punch em in the face. :3 But the world is too exhausting to go looking for hate. Take care of yourself, and be careful not to inadvertently hurt yourself or others].

[amirrorneverlies]

No Man Left Behind  - A story told with Jacob Black - Part 1

“Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” - David Ogden Stiers

※ Bella ※

“Are you… okay there Jacob?”

※ Jacob ※

"Wh... what... Me?" Trying to act cool.

"Fine... yeah.. totally cool.. how, eh, how about you? you okay?"

※ Bella ※

Tilting my head slightly watching the boy stumbling over those words. “I am just dandy.”

Whispering this time. “Are you sure you are okay?”

※ Jacob ※

Laughing now and feel a little more at ease. “Dandy? That’s a good thing, right?” I smiled at her. “I'm good, Bells.”

※ Bella ※

Shrugging my shoulders. “From what I know. Yeah. It’s meant to be. Why do you know differently?” Half smiling now that he has relaxed just so.

※ Jacob ※

Shrugging my shoulders. “From what I know. Yeah. It’s meant to be. Why do you know differently?” Half smiling now that he has relaxed just so.

※ Bella ※

Smiling and lowering my head. “Oh… uhmm…” clearing my throat and then rubbing the side of my head. “Charlie has been working long days. I may have been watching and re-reading pride and prejudice again.”

※ Jacob ※

“And the puzzle that is Bella Swan Becomes just a little clearer.” I smiled her, we had talked about books before. I had told I was a big reader.

“You know, I checked out the library at school… and checked out a on the history of cars since they were invented.”

※ Bella ※

I would have said I was anything but a puzzle to solve. However, #Charlie and #Renée would agree. Tilting my head to the side. He had heard and taken my advice?

“Really? You listened?” Looking up to the sky and back again half smiling. “And? Does it peak your interest?”

※ Jacob ※

“I wouldn’t say I’ve ready it covers to cover but I flick through, reach the parts that caught my attention…” I smiled. “Did you know the world’s first speeding ticket was issued it 1902?”

※ Bella ※

“The fact you picked something up is a start.” Leaning back into the wall, my smile grew a little.

“1902? Really. I did not know that. What was the speed the ticket was issued for?”

※ Jacob ※

I smiled at her. "A completely scandalous forty-five miles an hour!" I chuckled.

"I'll go back and find myself something else that will interest me too... you may have started a slow-burn love affair between and books."

※ Bella ※

“Lock them up and throw away the key.” A slow and soft chuckle escaped from me, making me shift and nudge him in the side with my shoulder.

“I told you; it’s about finding your perfect match; the rest is history.”

※ Jacob ※

“I know!! I was completely outraged when I read!” I said in mock horror. “Such reckless behaviour.”

I gave Bella a crooked smile. “Well… we’ll see I would much rather get my hands dirty working on a car but when I can’t do that, I could see myself reading about them.”

※ Bella ※

“Horrible behaviour Master Black, who is the bad influence in your life? They should be banned!”

Tilting my head off to the side. “This is the joy of reading Jacob. It’s knowledge to help you love and appreciate what you enjoy even more.”

※ Jacob ※

I laughed but smiled brightly, kicking the dirt. "Has any ever told you, your kind of a nerd Isabella Swan."

※ Bella ※

Clearing my throat and shrugging my shoulders. “You, say it as though it were a bad thing. I’m actually proud to be identified as a nerd.”

※ Jacob ※

“You should be... Nerds are hot...” My face heated. “I mean, you know... In general,... Guys like smart girls. Or girls... Like them too....” I was an idiot.

※ Bella ※

Trying my hardest to control the smile bursting out of me, my index finger keeping my lips together I looked up and away. He was so sweet while he rambled and fell over his words.

“Guys and girls. Got it.”

※ Jacob ※

I could see she was trying not to laugh. I shook my head. “You know some people think that rambling is cute too. Sometimes… I mean… not my rambling… but some peoples.”

I grinned. That ramble was on purpose.

※ Bella ※

This time the floodgates flew open and there was No way for me to take a hold to them. I hadn’t smiled and laughed in so long, and now the count that I had were all thanks to my friend.

“Jacob! Stop!” Still laughing I shook my head. “You’re right…. So… right…”

※ Jacob ※

I beamed seeing her smile, hearing that laugh. "I would make a fool of myself all day every day just to make you laugh, Bells."

※ Bella ※

My laughter faltered just a little, nudging my friend in the side. “Thank you…” nudging him again my laughter softening. “Because I know you would do it too. And that mean a lot to me.”

※ Jacob ※

“I will… promise.” I chuckled. “But you need to keep coming around…”

I gave her a look… I didn’t want to talk about her dark days, she was working so hard to climb out of them. “We’d all miss you around here if you stopped.” It was the complete truth and I hoped she saw it  for what it truly was. It wants pity or sympathy. Bella was fun… in a semi-responsible way, we all enjoyed hanging out with her…

“Especially with Embry going AWOL.”

※ Bella ※

My breath hitched from the kindness this boy showed. Well... every one of them showed to me. It was like nothing I’d felt before.

“Promise.” I said hugging myself with my arms, still needed the comfort of my own embrace from time to time.

My head jerked up at the mention of Embry. “Wait… you still haven’t seen him? Since he hurt himself at my place?” Trying to think about the last time we’d spoken about his injury.

※ Jacob ※

She almost closed down again. But her concern for #Embry kicked in before she could.

"Oh, he's not... injured." I said inhaling deeply. "And I've seen him... he just doesn't want to see us... apparently." I sighed and kicked the dirt again.

※ Bella ※

Concern drew me to take a few steps forward towards my friends. “What do you mean? Did you both fight?”

I couldn’t see how Embry wouldn’t want to see Jake. They three friends had been inseparable when I saw them together last at my house.

※ Jacob ※

“No.” I said too fast. I don’t think so… I hadn’t been happy with him after what he said to Bella in front of my father. Had he taken that to heart?

“No… no… we… he just started hanging out with #SamUley. He hadn’t called and he won’t see us when we drop by.”

※ Bella ※

My brow pulled together in a small frown. He’d answered too quickly. However, Jake was like that sometimes.  “Sam? Isn’t he a little too old to be hanging with someone like Embry?”

※ Jacob ※

"He definitely is... but he's been hanging out with #Jared and And #Paul too... they're both in our grade.. and Paul... let's just say the kid had problems ever before he started hanging with #Uley."

※ Bella ※

Unaware of the two new names, I just nod my head while taking everything in. “Are you afraid for Embry?” The memory of Sam’s arms around me while he carried me out of the forest not once, but twice….

Wait… my mind replayed a mutter conversation. Three voices. Sam and two others?

※ Jacob ※

“No…” I said but my chin dipped in a nod. “Yeah… maybe… Momma T… his mom Tiffany… She’s worried… like talking about sending him to leave with his grandparents in Neah Bay worried so his grandfather can…straighten out or something.”

I sighed and shook it off. “They all follow him around like Groupies or something.”

※ Bella ※

My brows pulled together with concern. Concern for Embry… a boy I didn’t really know, however we were on the path of friendship. And more so for my friend before me now.

Placing a hand on his shoulder. (He’d grown for sure.) I squeezed gently.

“I can talk to Charlie. see what he knows or can find out?“ However, I knew #Charlie had high regards for #Sam ever since he found me a year ago.

“Is there anything in particular you can say is wrong? With them all being together like this? Something Charlie can look into?”

※ Jacob ※

"There's no need... We talked to Dad about and he told us to let it go... and they haven't actually done anything wrong..." I was shaking my head again. "Other than #Paul... but always got into fights and trouble at school."

I looked up at Bella and shrugged. "Tiffany thinks  Embry is on drugs... I don't think he is. But she's a worrier, she always jumps the worst-case scenario when it comes to him." I gave her a smile when she reached out to me.

"It's going to be okay... The three of us aren't just friends... Quil and 'Bry are lie my brother's... he'll come around."

※ Bella ※

“The offer stands. Not that you need me to talk to him. You know where #Charlie lives after all.”

I schooled my face, not letting the facts in my mind roll off my tongue. Statistically the boys at their age were showed to be at high Risk of developing some form of drug abuse short or long term. However, at the same time I couldn’t see #Billy, #Harry, #Sue and all the others allowing it. I could see #Billy chasing them all down with his chair to ‘straighten them out’.

Letting my hand drop. “I’m glad to see you know Embry well enough to calm his mom a little. She must been really upset and uncertain right now.”

※ Jacob ※

"Thank you, Bella... and I would consider it... only."  I paused for a second... "I suppose it's just that I can't be sure what they up to... it might not be something so bad as drugs but... I could be illegal and I would hate to put #Charlie in that position..." I doubted highly he would bust #Embry but that would leave him in a bind with his job.

"And I'm fairly sure it breaks a friend code or some variety. Besides... Dad and #HarryClearwater have been over at his house a lot lately."

※ Bella ※

“We could do it.” The words tumbled out before I could think or stop them. I had been thinking ‘See, I knew #Billy and #Harry would take care of these boys.’ But instead… I said again.

“Why don’t we find out what is going on?” Crap! Was I insane? It was clear I needed to stop with the Sherlock Holmes books, and maybe stick to something less crime fighting?

“I mean... if you want too? If you’re not sure what is happening, and worried. Which I can see you are. Would it hurt us to check things out?”

Yes… yes it would…. #Charlie would kill me! and I believed in people being allowed their privacy. This was wrong on so many levels.

And then I saw the way Jake looked so worried. And I wanted to take that away from him. I didn’t want my friend to be in pain.

※ Jacob ※

I tilted my head and grinned at her. “You want to go all Nancy Drew on Embry?” I asked her…

It wasn’t a terrible idea. Maybe he would talk to Bella… he had a crush on her after all. And I knew that he wouldn’t hurt her, he had said some pretty mean things to Quil, and I when we tried speaking to him.

“I mean we can drive around and see if he’s out and about… but I’m not sure he’ll speak to us. And… well, he’s been kind of and arsehole lately. If you’ll excuse my language.”

※ Bella ※

He thought it could work? Surprise took a hold before I could shake it off. “I was thinking more along the lines of Sherlock Holmes. However, Drew works as an example too.”

Shrugging my shoulders, a little as I spoke. “Really? You think we could find him and talk? Then we should go.” Saying it before I could change my mind.

“Sure, we can just drive around in the beast and see if we come across Embry, play it by ear?”  There was nothing wrong with this plan, right? It would work… of course it could.

※ Jacob ※

“You are being British again?” I teased her about the Sherlock Holmes comment.

“Surely let’s drive around. We should try the beach first… just…” I pressed my lips into a tight line. “If we find him and he strums off or says something mean… I don’t think he means it… he’s  going through something. And if he’s with the whole group we should just leave.”

I didn’t to get mixed up with #Sam or with #Paul’s temper.

※ Bella ※

“What can I say, the British literature hits the spot better?” It wasn’t meant to be a question; however I wasn’t mind it had ending up being so at the same time.

Fishing the keys to the beast out of my coat pockets, I frowned. “Did he say something mean to you?”

How did Jacob know to be aware of the unkind words if he hadn’t witnessed them before?

“When you saw him last, what exactly did you talk about?” Stepping back towards my truck, I tripped over my own feet, but caught myself straightening up before anyone noticed.

※ Jacob ※

"At least you know what you like." I laughed.

I followed her to the truck and bit the inside for my cheek... "Sort of... He's mostly told me to get lost and to leave him alone... and that its better if we weren't friends anymore?"

One brow lifted when i saw her trip but I  to close the other side of the truck to try to catch her.

She acted like it hadn't happened, so I did too. I could always tease her for it later.

※ Bella ※

“Embry? Embry Call? The boy who stood in my yard and in my home joking, laughing, and—“ stopping myself from saying ‘flirting’, because I didn’t need to fuel that fire.

“That Embry told you these things?” This information was jarring to hear. That a friend like Embry could say such things, broke my heart for Jacob and #Quil.

Climbing in I sat looking out the front screen for a moment or two. “Are you okay?” Finally asking.

※ Jacob ※

The look on her face proved she couldn’t believe it as me as I couldn’t.

“The very same… that’s I think…. I think maybe somethings wrong. Maybe he got in same kinda trouble he doesn’t want to tell us about.”

I just couldn’t of anything he wouldn’t trust #Quil or I with. I could figure that out I might be able to fix it all.

“I’m…” I shook my head… I didn’t know how to answer that. She was the first person to ask me that since all of this started. “Not… I’m afraid for him… I worried. And I miss my friend. We hung out every day and I mean  every single day for as long as I can remember. Even the day he had his appendix out… we were there waiting for him to get out of surgery…” I buckled my seat belt. “None of this makes any sense.”

※ Bella ※

Tugging on my seat belt too hard making it lock while I listened to Jacob speak. None of this mattered to most people, however their friendship, it was a bond, a brotherhood.

“Jake…. I want to say it will be okay, however I’m not going to lie to you. What I will say. we will get to the bottom of it all. Whatever the reason. We will find out.”

The ‘how’ was still up in the air. However, determination how to count for something.

Turn in the ignition, my beast came to life, and I reversed out onto the street.  “Where to first?”

※ Jacob ※

I nodded, listening to every word she said. I appreciated the way she was being realistic and still comforting.

“Maybe that what I need to tell #Quil… I keep trying to tell him it will be fine, and He’ll be back to normal soon… but I don’t think it helps.”

I turned to look at Bella. “I think the beach is the best place to start. 2nd Beach not first… They don’t hang out on first on more.”

※ Bella ※

“It’s always best to be honest Jake, at least I’ve come to learn this. Giving false hope doesn’t help anyone in the end.”

Pushing back the chasm attempting to reopen moments and promises which gave me false hope as I said it. “I can take us part the way, remind me where I need to turn off.”

First beach had been the one I’d visited a few times. However, recalling the signs to second Beach on the way I could find my way if needed.

“Is Quil very upset?” I asked.

※ Jacob ※

“You’re right… I know… I guess it just doesn’t feel dishonest when you hope you’re telling the truth… and trying t make people feel better.”

i nodded when she told me she need some direction. “Sure thing. Just keep driving past First Beach and I’ll tell you where to turn  off. You can’t see the beach from the road, there is bit of a trail we need to take.”

I thought about her next question… “#Quil… Quil and #Embry have always been closer to each than to me… I know that kinda sound bad when the three of us are best friends. But it’s not like that. Maybe it and only child thing or something, I don’t know. But, all this is a little harder on him than it is on me.”

※ Bella ※

Even with the windows rolled up the roar of my truck was evident. And when I hit some uneven road, we could feel the jolt of it too our skeletons. However, still I would want nothing else.

He was my way to freedom, to getting out and doing something so that #Charlie didn’t start his worrying about leaving me home alone all the time.

Taking in Jacob’s concerns I found myself frowning with my hold on the wheel tightening.

“I kind of understand what you mean. Being an only child and all.” Except I didn’t have the friendships these boys shared. “What is Quil’s take on it all? Does he think that Embry is…” I didn’t want to say ‘taking drugs’, but if anyone would know, it would be your friends, right?

※ Jacob ※

I honestly couldn't imagine what it would have been like to grow without the twins and not just because they looked after me after Mom died.

"#Quil thinks he's in some kinda trouble... but he doesn't believe its drugs... he says he’s been too afraid of what his mother would do  she found out... but..."

I stopped because #Embry was already treating his mother unlike anything we would have expected.

"Take the next turn here, it's a carpark that is not exactly a car park. But everyone uses it" It was a levelled dirty and gravel plot with no lines painted, but it was right next to the trial that led to second beach.

※ Bella ※

The faces of the kind and jovial boys came to the forefront of my mind. It had been days… days since they were at my house, laughing, joking, and teasing one another.

#Quil and #Embry climbing over each other and teasing me too. And now I had to imagine the kindness of one had vanished, while the other would be cast in shadows of sadness. Something I knew too well.

#Alice’s face pushed its way out of my lock box, and I pushed it right back, before the sight of all my unread emails came rushing through too.

Shaking my head, to stop the sting from embedding right now, because this wasn’t about me. It was about Jacob, Quil, and Embry.

I took the turn and followed the ‘road’ if you could call it one. “He is holding out hope, and worried.”

The jerky stops on the uneven surface, and we were parked.

※ Jacob ※

I could Bella wasn’t used to what we called roads here. I had a feeling getting used to driving in Forks was strange enough after Phoenix, but parts of the Rez… it was basically patches of earth cleared by locals.

“Driving on the Rez is a little different from town.” I chuckled, glad for the short break from the heavy conversation.

“There’s a bit of a walk to the beach, but it’s a nice trail.” I unbuckled my seat belt and climbed out of the truck.

※ Bella ※

My gaze moved over to Jacob. “No…” I stopped myself. I didn’t want to lie to him. “Well, actually. Driving the roads with the wet weather, the forests, and all took me a minute to get used too. Back in phoenix the problems in driving were different.”

A memory of Mom making me run out to the car to open all the windows to cool it down before we had to use it came rushing in. And I missed her.

Taking the keys out of the ignition, I sat there thinking of her for a little. Telling myself to call her tonight to catch up. “Shall we go? I kind of  want to see what this secret beach is hiding here.” Half smiling as I unfastened my seatbelt.

※ Jacob ※

“I wouldn’t say it’s a secret beach… but mostly the townies come her to surf. And they don’t like to carry the boards on the trail, so it usually a little quieter here.”

I climbed out and waited for Bella at the back of the truck. “It’s a nice walk though. Just watch your  feet.” I chuckled and led the way to the trailhead. “There is a lot of trip hazards.” I grinned and planned to stay close enough to catch her. At least it wasn’t steep.

※ Bella ※

“What? My feet?” Pointing down to my chucks. “These have promised to behave themselves today.” Not overthinking the fact that I had tripped climbing into the truck just before.

Following behind my untrusted feet came to a stop. “Okay, I can see why people wouldn’t want to  carry their boards in there.” It was indeed beautiful, however there were steps. And Bella Swan and steps, didn’t always see eye to eye.

“This is going to be fine.” Saying so more to myself as I began the climb up the first three nice and slow.

“How often do you guys come up here?” Asking as I kept my eye down on the uneven surface.

※ Jacob ※

I laughed again, it felt to relax a little bit after the last few days. So, I told myself to just enjoy her company until we found out if #Embry was on the beach or not.

“Yeah, it’s not an easy task.” I thought about her next question… “It really depends on… if we want to swim or  just hang out we came here. Or if we want to light a fire… but if we wanna kick a ball around of if the guys want to try meet a townie girl or a tourist, we’ll go to first.”

I saw how hard she was concentrating and chuckled. “Hey… Need an arm to lean on?” I teased and  linked my arm with hers so I could least catch her if she stumbled.

※ Bella ※

“Heel, toe… heel, toe..” I mouthed to myself while listening to him and walking. Somehow, I wanted to make sure I didn’t make a fool of myself today. It was for myself more than for Jacob, I knew my friend wouldn’t judge me for it, however I also knew I wouldn’t let myself off the hook.

His arm linked into mine for a moment making my heart race and climb to jump out of my chest, however, the nothing happened. I didn’t want to pull away, I wasn’t feeling like the world was closing in on me. I was… just me!

Leaning into him, my arms and hand curled around his. Keeping me straight be Jacob Black standard at least. “Thank you, I am okay with taking a little help from my friends.” Just not often.

“Okay, so.. now things are all falling into place.” Arching my brow my dark brown eyes glanced over quickly before looking down at the path. “When you said you weren’t looking to date anyone at school, it’s because Jacob Black is a player… Townie girls… and tourists who come and leave are more your kind. I did not see that coming.”

※ Jacob ※

I laughed and teased her again. “Oh, this is purely selfish. I work very hard to make people think I’m a polite young man… if I laugh at you for falling I’ll be totally busted.” But I think we both knew I wouldn’t laugh… definitely not on this trail.

I tilted my head to the denying that I was occasionally interested in a girl we met on the beach wouldn’t just be hard to believe, it would be a lie. “I wouldn’t go that far. There’s been a girl every now and then staying in the lodges that I liked… But I don’t really like the idea of a summer fling… and I know not everyone finds their soulmate in their first girlfriend…” I shrugged my shoulders. “But it sounds kinda awesome if you ask me.”

I knew of so many high school romances that turned into lifelong marriages… but I knew for this generation it was an  unrealistic ideal.

※ Bella ※

“And now the truth be hit the facts come out to play. Jacob Black is not really one of the nice guys!” Laughing a little again, I shook my head. Because even a blind person could see the truth and the lie in that statement. Adding to which his following comments.

“Finding soulmates? A little deep for a teenager to be thinking of isn’t it?” I wouldn’t let the chasm in my chest open up. Soulmates, love forever, things that I once believed in but not so much anymore.

Daring to look up to take in the view, just enough before my eyes were down once again.

※ Jacob ※

I laughed, I like bed she was relaxed and teasing around me. After everything she'd gone through, she deserves to just feel... At ease. Maybe even happy. And if I was reason... It's was okay to feel good about that, right?

“I guess it not normal... I know that #Quil and #Embry are planning on a long list of exes.” I chuckled. “If they ever get a date that is. But…” I shrugged again, continuing down the trail, and holding onto her arm a little tighter on the steeper parts. How did I explain this? “Did you know my mom and dad were each other’s first kiss? First…. Well everything, actually. First and only.”

※ Bella ※

“Do they now? I’m sure they are well on the way. Those two look the type of boys who have dates every weekend.” My foot slipped, and I squeezed onto his arm for balance but did not trip over. Thanking my guardian angel!

And then I smiled. A real and genuine warm smile at the mention of his parents. “No, I didn’t know that they were. They were high school sweethearts?”

My heart felt easy at the thought of having two parents who loved one another. Not that I held #Charlie and #Renee to this obtainable standard. They tried, it didn’t work.

※ Jacob ※

I laughed harder, hoping not to make it obvious I was trying catch her when she slipped a little. But she held onto me for support… the was a good thing right? Trust? I was probably reading to much into her not want to face plant.

“Not really… #Quil gets a lot of numbers… but he usually puts his foot in his before making it to the first date. #Embry is just… awkward.”

I nodded. “Dad said he fell in love with her in middle school. But she had no time for him until his growth spurt in the 9th grade. I know it’s probably unrealistic… but  I guess I know what I want my life to look like… and when you’re with the right person… I think you’ll just… know, you know?” I smiled at her.

※ Bella ※

“I have a few friends how could give the guys some pointers.” I knew #Ang would be happy to help if asked.

My confidence grew as we continued up the path. “Middle school? I didn’t know Billy had it in him.” It was such a sweet thing to admit to your children. I could see  the Black’s and Swans had very different personalities and relationships within their family dynamics.

My gaze lifted to needs my friends. “You really feel that you know now what you want your life to look like?” I wasn’t patronising him, I genuinely thought all teens spent all their times trying to imagine and failed a few time before they locked such a thing down.

“Would it be too intrusive to ask what this life of yours looks like?” Quickly adding. “You don’t have to share. I’m just curious.”

※ Jacob ※

“You want to teach them how to flirt?” I laughed. “Nah… let them learn the hard way… lessons last longer when you have to work for them.”

I smile and her and nodded. “Yeah… I dos I mean I don’t have a ten-step plan or anything. I just… I wanna graduate, get certified to work on cars. Fall in love, follow her to college because I’m such a romantic.” I clutched my heart like it was breaking. “Then…” I shook my head. “Nope too embarrassing! But nothing is set in stone. You know? But I do really want kids… eventually, I mean.”

※ Bella ※

“Me?” Stuttering and clambering over one small word. “NO!” Okay that small word came out too loud. “I mean…. No…. Me? No… I said I knew people who could help.”

Heat rose reddening the apples of my cheeks. “However, there you go again. You sound to old for your age.” teasing him to hide my own embarrassment. “You aren’t meant to know about life lessons and how to best remember them.”

Now I came to a stop tuning to look at his perfect soft face. “So young with so many dreams. Why would you follow a girl to college? Don’t you want to go yourself?” I knew the answer. At least I thought I did.

Jake wouldn’t be happy with books. He wanted to make something for himself in a practical way. Smiling a little because I wished for all his dreams to come true.

※ Jacob ※

I laughed harder. “Oh I see! You're not willing to subject yourself to that kind of torture but you’ll toss your friends into the wolves den without a thought!” I grinned at her. “That's stone -cold swan! I didn't know you have it in you! I'm impressed.”

I could hear the ocean now as we walked.

“A mechanics apprenticeship involves a little schooling... But there are cars everywhere, you can learn how to give them everywhere, you know. That's not always true for the things other people want to learn. So I think it's fair... But first someone has to fall in love with me.” I looked ahead now at the forest slowly giving way to the sand and driftwood trees in haphazard rows along the shore.

※ Bella ※

“Wolves have the cutest puppies, I’m sure my friends will have the best time playing with them.” Saying with a matter fact click of my tongue.

However, he had hit the nail on the head. “I don’t have the best advice when it comes to dating.” And for once I didn’t mean my ex. I just hadn’t dated before him.

I held my chest readying myself to the turmoil to follow, however it did not arrive?

With a puzzling look in my eyes, I patted Jacob’s arm. “Just promise me one thing… don’t set your dreams aside for anyone else, and if you do, make sure she deserves you. You’re too kind of soul not to be appreciated my friend.”

Eyes ahead now I stopped walking at noticing the first of the fallen driftwood trees. “It’s so beautiful.” I hadn’t even gotten a full look, however the scent and sound of the ocean, even with the  cold Biting at my face. It was magnificent.

※ Jacob ※

She older in n herself a little and it made me slow and turn more towards her. But after a few breaths, she seemed to be... Okay. So instead of asking her what it was, I let her be okay. Then... Maybe one day she would tell me in her own time.

The strong of being friend zoned again, settle in. And the instant guilt, I should see that as a bad thing... Bella was incredible. Being her friend was a privilege. I continued, skipping over her first point without meaning to.

“It is, isn't it?” I noticed her cheek tint pink. But there's no shelter from the wind. Do you want my jacket? I'm used to it here.”

※ Bella ※

Everything other thought had been forgotten for a brief moment. “It really is. I cannot believe I’ve never been here before.” My voice trailed off as I picked up a little speed, wanting to have a better look into the rest of the beach.

“No, not at all. I have a coat on.” Tugging at the collar as if I needed to prove the fact to him. Not as though he could see it, right? At my stupidity I tugged at it once more. “You will freeze out here. As beautifully breathtaking it is, it’s cold too.”

※ Jacob ※

“Honestly I’m used to it… so if you change your mind just say, but if you turn blue, I will have to insist.” I grinned. “Or try to insist at least.”

I led the way further down the beach, daring to let go of her arm, not wanting to seem overbearing. I was sure she’d manage not  to trip here, even with the driftwood scatted across the stony shore.

“If they are here, they’ll be up this way.” I motioned up the beach. Walking along the stretch between where the tree trunks were deposited at high tide and the water. The mood shifting back to our conversation. “They keep away from where most people hang out.”

※ Bella ※

“If I turn blue, run, and save yourself. It’s over for me. Let me go in peace.” The joke fell flat to my own ears when something shifted between Jacob and myself.

It wasn’t really us, it had more to do with why we had come down here in the first place.

“Why would you keep their distance from other?” Tucking my hands deep into my pockets. “Unless they are really up to no good at all?”

What had #Embry gotten himself involved in here?

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled. “How about of you start to turn blue I’ll give you my jacket and we head back to the truck to warm up?”

Then I turn my attention to her other question. I shrugged. “They’ve all been weird, starting fights… skipping school cutting off their friends, running around  all of the night. No one knows why, others than saying all teens act out, but this isn’t the same.”

I walked with her up the beach. Hearing voices carried on the wind. I hated myself because my first though hoping #Embry wasn’t here. I hated seeing him like this.

※ Bella ※

“Starting fights? Why—��

The words were cut short at the sound travelling over to our side, noticing the way Jacob reacted I couldn’t help myself. Reaching out my now slightly warmer hand I took his.

“Don’t worry, I’m right here with you.” Giving a tender squeeze to elevate the point of my my words.

‘What are you doing here?’ A deep, angry voice caught me off guard. ‘And why did you bring her?’ The aggression possible towards me.

However, why? What had I done to deserve this welcome?

※ Jacob ※

Those dark thoughts were abruptly shut down when I felt Bella’s hand in mine.

Then that too-familiar voice came from behind us. “Shit!” I muttered under my breath… swearing wasn’t normally my first reaction… but today…

I tugged Bella closer, this man terrified me, but I wasn’t about to let him make Bella feel that way too.

“We’re looking for #Embry… and we can be here… this isn’t private property. Just because e you think you own this beach, #Sam… Doesn’t make it true.” I took a step away, keeping hold of Bella’s hand.

“C’mon Bella… Let’s go find our friend.” I pulled her with me, continuing the way we had been walking before #SamUley appeared.

※ Bella ※

The tension in the air was palpable, with the look in his dark earthy eyes drawing me in. These eyes I had seen before? In my dreams?

No…  I shook my head… I was Not dreaming of this man. I had seen #Sam before, closely…

Before I could say anything more, Jacob had stepped before me, hiding me in plain sight of the towering man. However, it still felt as though he could see me.

‘Jacob stop.’ He called my feet frozen with the command in his voice. Slowly my head half turned back.

‘Bella…’ he started but then thought better of whatever  he had been thinking of.

‘It’s too cold out here for the two of you. And Embry is busy. Now isn’t a good time.’ #Sam finally said.

“Therefore, Embry is here? At the beach?” Then the sounds of laughter came from down the ocean way, as an answer.

※ Jacob ※

I couldn’t help it, I stopped when #Sam told me to and hated myself for it. It made me feel spineless. But Bella… she wasn’t intimidated by this man in the slightest.

My head snapped in the direction of the laughter at the same time as Bella’s. I started towards it again, still holding onto Bella’s hand #Embry quickly came into sight, kicking a soccer ball with #JaredCameron and #PaulLahote. Jay used to be a nerd… Paul was always kind of a loner… but mostly harmless.

They were all shirtless… “They must be insane!” I muttered as ‘Bry sniffed the air and turned to spot us.

※ Bella ※

Step in step with Jacob I walked, looking back at #Sam who stood with his feet apart and firmly grounded, and his arms crossed over his chest.

‘Jake… Bella…’ #Embry called. his eyes shifted to over my shoulder, where I knew #Sam stood. Something in the boy I remembered as  funny and kind boys eyes changed, before he glazed away and then down. The way Embry said my name has changed too. There were no signs of the flotation or admiration that had coveted the sound of my name before when this boy said it.

‘What is she doing here?’ The other boy behind Embry asked, in what felt like venom and hatred in his voice. But… why?

“Why does everyone here keep asking that?” Dismissing the one with what looked to be anger issues. I smiled to the boy I wanted to speak with.

“Embry?” Squeezing the hand in mine tightly as I spoke. “Hi… we wanted to see how you were. Your foot?” I pointed down to the ground. “I was worried after you didn’t come back to mine the next day.”

He shifted where he stood, once again glancing over my shoulder. “Embry… don’t be scared… do you need help? Come with us. With Jacob and I … let’s go.. maybe get some lunch and talk?”

The boys behind him snarled then their gaze went past Jacob and me before stopping.

※ Jacob ※

I moment he looked past me to #Sam I felt anger like never before. What on earth was the doing to my friend that made him afraid to speak to his best friend in his presence? I squeezed Bella’s hand again and took comfort in her steady calm.

I didn’t know how to answer his question… Should I tell him I’d told her everything? Confided in her how upsetting all of this was?

But Bella answered it before I needed to make a decision. Embry was looking at Bella like he was waiting for something…

‘I’m not scared of anyone.’ he said with an edge to  his voice. The same edge that was becoming his new normal. His gaze drifted to where my hands were still clasped around Bella’s, something in his look made me shift closer to her. ‘So, this is a thing now?’ He took a few steps closer, his eyes on Bella again. After a few seconds he shook his head. ‘It's about time.’ His tone was mocking and angry and I had to resist the urge to step backwards.

“‘Bry… what is wrong with you? This isn’t you?” I finally found my words.

※ Bella ※

At first, I couldn’t understand what he meant by ; ‘So, this is a thing now?’

And I didn’t give it too much mind. For me the exchange between the two friends who had been like brothers broke my heart.

The way #Embry spoke and looked to me, then towards Jacob gave me such an unexpected urge to hold on to him even tighter. However, he had taken said step already.

‘How would you know what I am?’ #Embry mocked taking another step forward now in a menacing way.

‘Bry’ the voice came from behind making him stop in his steps.

“Sam… I know you’re all big and older. However please could you just let Embry speak!” My voice sounded normal, without the anxiety, I was feeling internally.

‘You don’t speak to Sam like that Bella Swan. You’re not welcome here on our lands. So, leave!’ The boy with the anger issues spat out to me. This time my heart jumped, and my feet moved back.

‘Paul… stand down.’ #Sam came to stand in the space between them and us.

※ Jacob ※

The fact he could ask me that hit me like such a physical blow I took half a step backwards. "#Embry.... we've been best friends our whole lives... you stood next to me at my mother's funeral... how can you ask me that?"

What the hell was wrong with these guys? #Paul's words  were just vicious.

"Bella is welcome here and always will be... Who do you think you are speaking to someone like that. Wasn't it only a few years ago you were saying the same thing to #Embry because he has Makah blood... and now all of a sudden, you're inseparable?" I turned my gaze to Embry for the last part, hoping he would see some sense.

'Why are you here bringing up ancient history Jake?' My friend snapped. 'Just go! We're done. Get it... Done.'

This wasn't right... this wasn't the guy I knew.

※ Bella ※

Tears pricked at the back of my eyes, from the cold wind.

From the way these boys were fighting.

Or was it from the realisation that somehow, I was playing some part into this?

“Jacob.” Squeezing his hand my eyes moved between all the faces. Even the boy in the back holding the ball. He watched ready to step in if needed. But it wasn’t needed.

‘E n o y g h !!!’

#Sam’s voice boomed, making the uncomfortable sensation within me bubble to life. Placing my free hand over my chest and taking in a slow and deep breath I stood looking confused at  what was happening.

‘Jacob, you should get Bella off the beach and out the cold. She doesn’t look too well.’

Hearing #Sam’s voice but also not hearing it at the same time. I felt like I was a shadow of myself, as though witnessing all of this from behind a glass door.

“Uhm… yeah…” I whisper tugging tightly to the hand still in mine.

However, I didn’t want to take this opportunity and have it lost for good.

“Please, Sam… Embry… just… I will leave.” I let his hand go and took a few steps back. “Please Embry, just talk to Jacob.”

#Sam stood watching me with his deep dark eyes. It felt like he could see something I wasn’t willing to share.

Nodding my head, I turned to walk back the way I came. Clenching my chest trying to gather the wind that had been knocked out of me, with my head beating in my ears.

※ Jacob ※

I felt Bella tighten her grip on my hand and I knew then it was time to leave. #Sam's voice made something in my chest tighten and all the guys fell silent and still. It was eerie.

And whatever it was... clearly had an effect on Bella too. She let go of my hand and I took a step closer to #Embry. "I'm not gonna give up 'Bry... Not on you. Not ever."

He chewed his lips like he did when he was trying to control his emotions and dropped his eyes to the sand.

"But I brought Bella here... So, I'm going to bring her home. You know where to find me." I turned and jogged to catch up with Bella, zipping off my jacket to wrap around her shoulders. "C'mon Bella... let's get out of here."

※ Bella ※

The voices behind me grew dull with each step I took, my eyes blurred… but not. There is was again, that glass closing me off, and moving with me. My eyesight flickered over and over until I succeeded to squeeze my eyes close and rub them hard. I was shaking, from what I didn’t know.

“Stop it… stop it!” I told myself scared that the chasm within me, within my chest was breaking open again. Was this how it happened before? Had the world just melted away like this and I hadn’t fault back?

“NO!” I told myself. No…. I wouldn’t do that to #Charlie or #Renée or my friends… or… myself.

“Not again..” I said with my lips and teeth chattering. I pushed my will into it, my all. And it felt like something snapped. And it snapped so hard that I felt my feet stumbling before I caught myself.

Everything around me came into focus. The sound of the crashing waves, the cold wind whipping my hair all over the place, the footsteps behind me. And then I felt the coat around my shoulders.

“Jacob…. I’m sorry…” we walked in step when I felt it. Turning my head, I saw two faces watching and I could tell for very different reasons. #Embry with sorrow. And #Sam with conjecture.

※ Jacob ※

There was something else wrong with her. This wasn't just being upset by what had happened or frightened at the untethered aggression. What the hell was wrong with Paul anyway?

"It's okay, Bella." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, ready to steady her if she needed it. "Let's get off the beach and we can catch our breath. Okay?"

I could feel several pair of eyes on our backs, but I didn't look back. I focused on getting Bella to the trail. Once we were far enough up the path that we were out of sight I stopped and turned her to face me. Concern etched into every feature as I asked.

"Are you okay?"

※ Bella ※

My teeth wouldn’t stop, the shivers consuming me now refused to stop too. Grateful to Jacob as he held me and guided me, as well as at the same time so upset with myself that I needed a helping hand once again. The mixture of these emotions was overwhelming. By the time my friend stopped us I had gathered myself partially.

“I’m not going to lie. No.. I’m not okay. However, right now it’s not the pressing matter. Did Embry talk to you after I left?”

I couldn’t tell how much time had passed before Jacob left his best friend because he felt he needed to save me?

※ Jacob ※

She was freezing... Damn! I shouldn't have brought her here... But I didn't feel cold at all? Then again... I didn't grow up in the desert.

"He didn't... It wasn't the right time, he wasn't... himself. Don't worry. We won't give up." And I knew that letting him sit on the  thoughts That #Paul had once said to him exactly what he'd said to Bella in the past would change his views.

There was no way he thought it was okay for #Lahote to speak to Bella like that. But he didn't speak out? When did he ever keep his thoughts to himself?

"Let's just get you to the truck and turn the heat on, yeah?" I tugged my jacket closer around her shoulders. "We can regroup... figure out what the hell just happened. Let's go." I put my arm around her again and started up the path.

※ Bella ※

None of this… this day… this situation made any sense to me, and by the sound of it.. to Jacob too.

“I’m sorry.” Unclear as to what, I just felt the need to apologise for how it all played out. “If I’d known… I wouldn’t have gone on the beach.”

However, once again it occurred to me, I’d been to La Push before. No one had told me I hadn’t belonged… except for… My eyes widened and my mouth went dry, turning my head back as Jacob lead me to the Beast. Thinking.

‘No… no… there’s No way that Billy would have told them… he wouldn’t have.’  even the thought of it made my stomach churn with anxiety. It wasn’t my story to tell. I had promised to keep his family’s secrets. Even if he hadn’t kept any promises made to me.

“Yeah… yeah.. please… regroup.” Once in the truck I blew into my hands. The onset of the chill still questionable. However, there were so many things swimming in my mind, I no longer had the capacity to understand how this all came apart so royally.

Turning the truck on, we sat there idling in silence. Certain Jacob had a need to unpack what had occurred too. finally when I could feet my fingers and toes again, turning to face him.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

※ Jacob ※

"You’ve nothing to apologize for and don’t let what #Paul said get to you. He's an ars-" I stopped myself. "He's never been the nicest of guys. He used to say the same thing to #Embry because his mother is Makah."

In her truck, I cranked up the heat and rubbed my hand over her  arms trying the urge a little warmth into her. I was stifling in the cab in a matter of minutes, but she still shivered. The cold must have gotten into her bones. This was such a bad idea. I laughed a little even now she was worried about me. So, I answered her honestly.

"No. But I will be... We won't just let this go. #Embry is a brother to #Quil and I... he always will be. Are you okay? Did they frighten you? .... on the beach?"

※ Bella ※

The cold bit my skin as the heat began to slowly penetrate. Still unable to explain how I’d reacted to the chill in the air so quickly without knowing. However, it wasn’t the most pressing matter right now.

Looking to Jacob, I consider his question before answering. “I won’t lie, yes, I was a little. Paul... did you say... and Sam…”

Placing a hand on my chest as I recalled the tightness that had completely overtaken me at the time. “And Embry, he’s changed.” The coldness in his eyes, it brought tears to my eyes. I swiped them away. “What can we do now? Do we wait to see if we can get him alone?”

Unable to stop myself from feeling proud at Jacob for his willingness not to give up on his brother.

※ Jacob ※

A little colour started to return to her cheeks. Not that she ever had a whole of colour when she was feeling great. But  she was still pretty… and her paleness made it so much cuter when she blushed… I was getting side tracked.

“I’m so sorry, Bella. I shouldn’t have ask you to come… I knew they might be rude and tell us to get lost.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “But I never thought they’d be so…. Intimidating.” I was so angry at how they’d spoken to her.

“We… Right now.” I put my arm around her pressed her into my side in the attempt at a one-armed hug I could manage in the cab of and old truck.

This wasn’t flirty in anyway or an excuse to touch her. This was a ‘my friend look likes she’s about to cry, vomit and faint any second’s.’ Kinda hug.

“I think we should get you a hot chocolate and take you home.”

※ Bella ※

“You have nothing to apologise for here, they were just as rude, and disrespectful, and .. and.. and… Intimidating to you too.” A little angry came to life with the warmth of the cab and with Jacob’s friendly hold.

I should have wanted to push free, being in the grasp of someone’s hold hasn’t works so well for me this past year or so. However, it wasn’t the same with him. Frowning my gaze moved to the pathway, no one had followed us down.

“Hot chocolate sounds heavenly, however.” Pointing my cold fingers to the cab surrounding us. “I’m the designated driver, so I need to drive you home my young friend.”

※ Jacob ※

I shook my head… “I can’t believe that #Embry would ever let them actually hurt either of us… But…” I sighed. I couldn’t help it, the way he was acting made me doubt it. It took all of my faith in our friendship to keep from letting that fear win out.

I laughed, my smile  growing at the break in the tension, gratitude in my eyes for the subject change.

There was no disputing her logic… If I took her home, I’d have to call someone to get a ride home. But if Bell had dropped me home and then headed home herself... it was unlikely that she would  run into them again on the road to Forks.

“Okay… I can’t argue with that.” I laughed. The simple act of it was like a balm for my worry. I knew it was temporary, but I needed the relief. “But only if you let buy the hot chocolate.” I released her from my hold and reached to buckle my seat belt.

※ Bella ※

Shifting back over to my side of the cab, I allowed my gaze to fall at the entire of the path. Hope blossomed that maybe, just maybe #Embry would come bounding over to make up with Jacob. However, no such luck.

“I told you. I am an intelligent woman; you cannot defy my  logic when it comes to hot chocolate.” Chewing on my lips. My brown worried eyes finding my friends again. Wanting to say…

‘He will be okay. He will see this is a mistake, and come back to you…’ However, the topic change meant I couldn’t push Jacob back to something so painful.

“Okay. Fine. You can buy the hot chocolate. However, I but the cookies.” Turning the key in the ignition, we sat in there while I reversed out of the parking lot.

※ Jacob ※

I shook my and gave her a sideways look. "No way... you are on my turf now Swan, So the hot chocolate 𝙖𝙣𝙙 cookies. Will be on this time."

She couldn't argue it was the same logic she used when she paid for the pizza the day we built her Father's new shed.

※ Bella ※

Giving Jacob a sideways glance, my lips curled a little with a warm smile. “Oh, now you are using my logic on me? So rude.”

Once on the road, my eyes moved to the beach as we drove by, wanting one final look at the gang. However, no one stood there. The beach was now deserted. Where had they gone?

“Uhm..” shaking my head with a frown between my eyebrow. I lost my train of thought before collecting it once again. “Okay.. fine.. this time the drink and snack is on you. Where would you like to go?”

※ Jacob ※

I lifted my chin triumphantly and flashed a bright grin. "I'll have you know I am well known for my lack of rudeness actually! I even won a certificate for it in 3rd grade."

I gave her a sympathetic look. "You're on the Rez now Swan." I chuckled. "There's only one place to  go... And lucky for you they have the best cookies and the second-best hot chocolate on the rez."

I directed Bella back into the village and towards the cafe.

※ Bella ※

“Excuse me? did you just say that you won a certificate in your third grade for being a young gentleman? And I have not been told this story until now, why?” thankful I could lighten the mood for my friend at such an awful time. I followed the directions provided by Jacob.

“You said, second best… that you knew a place with the second best hot chocolate. So, you know I will ask where the first best could be found now?”

※ Jacob ※

I laughed, telling any other girl about that would be embarrassing, but this was Bella... she was a bit of a nerd, so it was fine. "Yup." I dusted imaginary lint off my shoulder. "It was a Spotlight Award for the most respectful student." I bragged like it was my crowning achievement.

"Well, I may be underselling it as the best on the Rez... It may be the best in the State. And it can only be found in #SueClearwater's kitchen." I explained. Then told Bella where to pull in. I knew #Sue's hot chocolate came from a regular tub of cocoa. But she had to have some secret she was keeping from us all.

※ Bella ※

The sound of hit boys laughter warmed the soul. Keeping my eyes on the road, smiling with small sideways glances at him. He seemed so proud of this achievement, and so he should be.

“If I knew I had the good fortune of the company of such a wonderful young gentleman. I would  have brought out my best manors. How will I live with myself?” Even with everything upsetting him, he still found time to laugh. I could learn something from him.

“Oh. Sue? Really?” Thinking back on my visits. I’d never had hot chocolate. She knew I like my coffee so, assuming she gave me what I enjoyed. Parking the beast into the spot not far from where Jacob had asked me to go.

“Well, let’s see what the second-best hot chocolate in La Push tastes like?” Glancing over at the small diner in the Rez.

※ Jacob ※

"You are a very lucky woman to have the pleasure of my company." I grinned. "And your manners are just fine. A little rough around the edges but I think I can help you with that." I teased and nudged her with my elbow now that the truck was parked.

I unbuckled my belt and  noticed her looking around.

"This is a great place. It's family run for two generations and when school is out their ten-year-old daughter Gemma hangs around, talking to costumes and drawing pictures." I could see from her the place wasn't full... just a few of the tables had people sitting at them.

"Ready to head in?" I asked in case she still needed a second to recover from her encounter on the beach.

※ Bella ※

“Rude. So rude.” My body shifted a little by his playful nudge. Jacob had somehow managed to lighten the dark cloud we had both been under. “I will graciously, accept that your company is—”

Without completing the sentence I allowed his mind to fill in the blank himself. unclasping the belt, I took a steady breath.

“I am. Hundred percent ready. The place looks great.”

Add to it the background of the same family owning and maintaining such a pivotal part of community? I knew I should have come before.

Opening the door, it stuck a little  however nothing a shoulder nudge couldn’t handle I jumped down from the cab.

The chill in the air, sent another shiver through my chest and spine, making me rub my hands together.

Locking the door, as I felt my legs were still a little wobbly, which I contracted, by keeping my stride small.

When I pushed the glass and wooden door open, the ring of a bell announced our arrival to those who were enjoying a meal or just a coffee.

‘BELLA!!! Look sis… it’s BELLA!’

The voice I could recognise out of a crowd rang loudly in the diner. like a little thunder the child threw himself at me, if arms and legs, close to knocking me back off my feet.

‘What are you doing here?

Did you come to see me?

I mean us? Us… yeah… did you come to see us?

You must have been at the house… did you go to the house? Did Ma tell you here to find us? She must have.’

All the time he spoke, he had taken my hand and pulled me towards a table towards the back of the floor. Where I saw her.

‘Kid, would you slow down. Let Bells go. She’s not here to see us.’ Her eyes were bypassing me to Jacob ‘No… of course she…. JAKE!’ And the same lever of questions where now being asked of him. #Seth let me go to move beyond me giving me the space to move around the table to smile at #Leah.

“Hi…”

‘Hey.’

“It’s so good to see you out here.”  She shrugged her shoulders.

‘A wise woman told me; I have no reason to hide.’ This made me smile a little too. I had overheard part of this conversation she has with the beautiful woman.

“She is correct of course; I’ve been trying to call.”

‘I know. I needed some time.’ She finally looked up at me. and her beautiful amber eyes spoke so loudly, telling me a story I understood.

“May we join you?” I asked and then turned to Jacob. “Do you mind if we…” pointing down to the table #Leah was sat at.

‘YEAH. Please Jake. Please join us.’ The kid looked up at Jacob with Such admiration and longing.

※ Jacob ※

Was I meant to finish that sentence? How should I finish that sentence? My company was pleasurable?… Spirits no! A pleasure? That was kind of the same thing… nice? She got out of the truck before I had to answers! Thank the spirits!

I recognized Seth’s voice instantly! The kid was a little clingy on the rare occasion we hung out, normally when one of our parents visited the others. I was cool for a while; the hero worship thing… then it got a little annoy. But honestly, he was such a happy, optimistic kid. It was impossible to be mad or annoyed at him.

I watched him with Bella and really hoped that I didn’t sound like when I talked to her. I gave Leah and nod when she acknowledged me. She used the best friends with the twins… but she was always a little distant.

“Hey dude!” I grinned at him and clasped the hand he held out giving him a one-armed hug. He. Never. Stopped. Talking. Asking a lot of questions about Bella. I told him we were just hanging out, driving around. It was true, kinda… and there's no need to freak the kid out about Sam and the HMS gang (hall monitors on  steroids).

I was about to tell Bella sure let’s join them… wondering if Bella knew Sam was her ex… this might get awkward. But Seth started to beg. “Sure, sounds great!” I said.

‘Yes!!’ He actually fists pumped.  Seth was off again, telling me all about how his dad was showing him how to fix the car when broke down and one day he would build his own car just like me.

“Hold that thought… I wanna here all about. But a respectful gentleman doesn't  leave two ladies at a table without a hot beverage when it’s freezing outside.” I winked at Bella.

‘Oh… yeah, I knew that! I’ll go with you.’ Seth followed. ‘My dad always says just because a woman is independent doesn’t mean we can’t do little things to show we care. He always tells me cool things like that… I bet your dad does too… being chief and all.” he kept  going. I tried my best not to laugh and look attentive and interested. But this kid had boundless energy.

※ Bella ※

Sitting myself down across from #Leah, the both of us watched as the boys walked over to place an order.

‘I didn’t take you for a cradle, robber.’ Her fingers fidgeted with the empty cup before her.

“You are correct, Jacob and I are just friends. He’s been good to me. Just as Seth and you have.” My eyes came back to give her my full attention. “I’m not going to ask how you are.”

It was the one question I disliked the most. Because people never asked to actually find out. They wanted you to say you were fine, so they could move on.

‘Good, because I have no idea.’ She pushed the cup away.  The one thing about #Leah I had begun to understand is that she never lied, however, she always stopped short of the truth.

“I understand.” It was the truth.

‘I know you do zoops, as much as I wished you didn’t.’ Both of us turned to follow the sound of her bothers excited voice.

‘He really wanted to come out for a hot chocolate.’ She had a lightness in her voice now.

“Who could ever say no to him?” I smiled.

‘So, Jacob Black is buying us drinks?’ She sounded baffled.

“And cookies” Another thing about #Leah I loved. She didn’t really ask questions. She listened to those who wanted to speak. However, she never pried into your personal life.

‘Kid, would you give people a minute to answer, when you ask them a question.’ She called out to her brother.

‘By the spirits of our ancestors. I will need to talk to him about saying less and listening more.’ She has no malice in those words.

Anyone could see at first glance how different the two siblings were . #Leah silence and observing, and Little #Seth energetic, and talkative. “Don’t, he loves life and all that it has to offer. It’s an innocent time of his life. We should live through him vicariously.”

The boy has such a pure and sweet personality. I knew she would do anything for him, and would anyone who met him.

※ Jacob ※

I almost order four hot chocolates but, then I stopped them and asked what Leah's usual order was and got that. As soon as I order the cookies I was handed a platter of four side-plate-sized cookies and Seth's started to do a cookie-monster impersonation and  stopped    abruptly, looking self-conscious. I wished he worried less about what other people thought. Because he was the nicest kid I had ever met.

"Why don't you take the cookies over while I pay? It's not polite to keep a lady waiting... even if it's your sister." I nudged him with  my elbow and handed him the plate.

He set off to the table. When I join them I sat next to Bella and smiled at her. I didn't want to ask her if she was okay... she might not have wanted Leah and Seth to know about what happened at the beach s instead am looked at Leah  and smiled. "So how are you, Leah?"

※ Bella ※

#Leah and I watched her kid brother rushing over with a tray in his hands.

‘Slow down kid, there’s no rush.’ She rolled her eyes, however I could see the truth. Her worry of a mother, in the eyes of a sister. Moments like this I wished I had siblings. Until I remember who my mother is. Then I knew it was never going to happen.

“Thank you.” My eyes widened at the size of the cookies.

‘Welcome to the Rez, where they love to give you a bang for your Buck.’ #Seth sat down beside his sister. Whispering. ‘Jake paid for it all.’ And she nodded. ‘Don’t worry, I will pay him back.’ She messed his hair up making him all self-conscious, and still laugh.

“Thank you, Jacob.” Smiling as he came to sit next to me. My eyes darting to #Leah the moment he asked the question. At the same time her eyes came to find mine.  Not a word had been exchanged by us. But I heard her voice. ‘See I told you.’ And hoped she read my answer. ‘He really wants to know.’

Reaching out to place the cups before everyone I saw one was a dark coffee. And I looked questioningly to Jacob. However, #Leah took it. ‘I only really like my Ma’s hot chocolate. So that is mine. Thanks.’ She took cup, blew on the hot liquid before sipping. Then turn her attention to Jacob again.

‘I’m here. Which is a good step.’ Picking up my cup I held it in the palm of my hand is feeling the heat warming my cold self. She continues. ‘I heard you updated the ramp at the house. Da was proud of the work you did there. And at Swan house.’

I smiled, squeezing his arm next to me. “All three of the boys did  exquisite work. I really did not think the project through and would have been lost without them… without Jacob.”

She sat back, watching. Me. Watching Jacob. And sipped her coffee.

※ Jacob ※

I smiled at Bella's reaction to the cookies as I slid into the seat next to her and smiled at Seth's comment. "Just wait until you taste them."

I looked between the girls... clearly missing something. But I wasn't sure what it was. Then Leah's answer hit me like a stone. I'd put her in a really awkward position. In front of her little brother too. "Oh..." I was shocked at the subject change... but after putting my foot in my mouth I was willing to give it to her. "Well, the ramp was just a little repair. But the shed was great... Harry thought we did well."

I had to fight the flush that threatened in my cheeks... but the heat there told me that I was failing. "That's what friends and family are for... plus we used the photos and Quil's sketch to write up a report and got extra credit in the wood shop."

※ Bella ※

‘Stop blushing, take the complement for what it is. The dads on the rez are proud of you boys.’ Something cut I the words when #Leah said them, however I knew it hadn’t been towards Jacob. It felt as though it had been something missing in her life?

‘Two birds and all. Well done, with the extra credit. Your sisters wouldn’t have missed that trick too.’ she went on to say, then turned her eyes to me. ‘Take a bite zoop. See what you’ve been missing out of.’ She broke one of the cookies handing it to me, before taking a mouthful herself. It was perfect.

“Okay, I think I’m going to die happy if this is the last thing I ever eat.” I told them all. There was just the right amount of chocolate chips in each bite, it was firm on the outside with a gooey centre. Some sea salt sprinkled over the top, giving us the perfect bite.

‘Well, you are always so easy to place.’ #Leah rolled her eyes, but I knew she was teasing.

“The question is, will it be cheating if I attempt to recreate these for my home economics class? I’m not much of a baker, but cookies.. we have all made them at some stage, right?

※ Jacob ※

I pressed my lips together bad... I wondered if I would ever learn to control my emotions, or would they always    be written on my face like words on a page.

I chuckled at the mention of the twins. "#Rachel might be coming home for a little while..." I looked at Leah... and  then between her and Bella. Now I knew I was missing something... "I've heard some weird nickname in my life but that one..." I trailed off.

"Hey if I can use your Father's shed for extra credit I can't see why you couldn't try... They'll give never give up the recipe. But, I'm happy to be your taste tester when you try it out." I chuckled and broke my cookie, scooping up a little whipped cream before I took a bite.

'Me too!! and you should come over. Mom is an excellent baker I bet she could show me how to make amazing cookies. She's been teaching me to cook. She says cooking first and baking when I can make healthy meals for myself. But!!!' He beamed at Bella. 'If you need help with school I bet she'd teach us sweet things!'

※ Bella ※

#Leah’s lips pressed together, and her eyes narrowed. I wanted to tell her to leave it. That Jacob wasn’t trying to dig for information she wasn’t freely willing to share. It wasn’t in him to do that.

‘Yeah. Well. That’s the point of nicknames Kiddo. People give them to share a moment. It’s not for others to understand.’

I took some of the cream, copying Jacob. I’d never thought of mixing the two together. “Leah.” I shook my head. Thankful and relieved that she didn’t explain the meaning. I knew she wouldn’t. Turning to Jacob, with a half-smile. “It’s just a private joke. That’s all.”

The fact that she called me a zombie from the past year, had somehow become a running joke we both now understood.

“Oh. I couldn’t ask Sue to do even more.” Taking a bite, a sound I hadn’t heard before escaping with delight. “Why has no one ever told me to add cream to a cookie?”

#Leah sipped her coffee, watching us all silently. ‘Bella, mom won’t mind. Really. Maybe if Rachel is coming, we could all have a lesson?’ #Seth tugged on his sisters arm.

‘Maybe Kid. She may have plans.’ Then she  glanced back to Jacob. ‘It’s still mid-year. Why is Rach coming back from school?’ With a mix of confusion and concern in her futures.

※ Jacob ※

I raised a brow at the Kiddo... I was going to mention that I was, in fact, sixteen... but something about how she'd she was here earlier and that it was a start made me decide to let it go.

I smiled at Bella and then Leah... "I wasn't going to ask.. you should hear the  'Bry and # Quil..." I shook my head. I wasn't going to get back on the topic here. So, I jumped to the question about Rachel.

"I'm not sure... something about work-study or a study break." I knew what it was. Dad had her worried about me because I wouldn't stop trying to  find out what #SamUley was up to with #Embry and the others. But this was the line Rachel was using, so it was a version of the truth.

※ Bella ※

Tilting my head with a small smile. “I’m sure if their Nick names are adorable.”

Hiding the uncomfortable sensation of all that had taken place before we came here. It wasn’t my story to share with the Clearwater siblings. Also, Seth was too young for the topic. #Leah gave a curt, not offer head then took a bite of a cookie. Her eyes didn’t leave Jacob for a little while longer, had she picked up on the same thing as I had? He wasn’t lying, however…

‘Oh, it’ll so great to have Rachel back. She always gives me the best candy.’ #Seth spoke in between mouthfuls and slopes of his hot chocolate.

‘Well, Becc’s does too. But she makes me eat fruit too.’ Wrinkling his nose.’

“Fruit is good for you. You need you’re five pieces a day.” Pretending with my school teacher voice.

‘I mean…..Yeah….. I eat it. I do.’

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled at #Seth trust that boy to save you from an awkward conversation with his innocence. "Yeah, #Rachel always had more of a sweet tooth... But #Becca was right too. What is your favourite?" I asked #Seth...

It wasn't bragging to say I knew this kid looked up to me. It was obvious and it. If that meant I could encourage the kid to eat a little better... then why not?

"Mine is grapefruit... of pineapple... actually... I really like avocado lately, but I think what more of a vegetable. And berries... all the berries all the time. you can grab a handful and eat them no matter where you are or what you're doing."

I knew #Leah had to have heard about all the stuff going on with #Sam... did she know about #Embry too? Is that why she was still looking at me. I scooped up more cream onto my cook and took a bite.

※ Bella ※

Sitting back I watched in silence with #Leah, I could see her shoulders relaxed and a small smile like curve on her lips as Jacob spoke to #Seth.

‘Grapefruit? Really?’ The young boy made a face as though he has sucked on something tart. ‘It’s so sour. And it tastes…’ he was attempting to find the words. ‘Yuck.’

#Leah’s head spun. “Kid. We never say that to food. Food. All foods. Are a gift from the ancestors and the spirits. A blessing.’ She scolded him.

#Seth’s eyes dropped; his beautiful soft almond skin grew a hint of pink. ‘Sorry’ his voice dropped.

‘Not to me.’ She said, nodding her head across the table.

‘I’m sorry Jake. I didn’t mean it is yuck.’ The boys eyes met mine and I wink mouthing well done. To him for apologising.

※ Jacob ※

I smiled at #Seth… he was just being a kid. But correcting Leah in front of him felt like correcting a parent on of their Kid… maybe because my sisters had basically been my mom for a long time.

“It’s just not your favourite?” I smiled sipping my hot chocolate. “Well, that’s  okay. You should come over to my place some Tuesday. That when my aunt #Connie cooks. She can make entire desserts with tons of fruit and no sugar, and it tastes like real cake.”

I turned to Bella and smiled, not wanting her to feel left out of the conversation. “So… what’s verdict on the hot chocolate.”

※ Bella ※

#Seth’s face brightened up, his shoulders lifted, his eyes sparkled within the blink.

‘Really?’ His voice went up an octave. ‘Can I go?’ He turned to his sister holding his hands together like a pray.

She raised her eyebrow. And nodded her head once. ‘Someday when it’s okay  with all the grownups.’ She muttered something about never saying no to him.

And like that all was forgotten in the young boys eyes. He cheered. Hugged his sisters arm awkwardly and let go the moment she stiffened.

That was nice. #Leah had always been so attentive to her brothers needs before.

#Seth let go right away, as though he knew he shouldn’t have touched. And went back to his hot chocolate at the same time as I picked up mine.

“Uhmm..” mid sip I smiled nodding my head. “It’s really good. I can’t believe you guys all hide this from me.”

※ Jacob ※

“I’ll ask my Aunt and call you.” I smiled at #Seth. “And Collin is feeling better so I know he’d enjoy it. He finds it pretty hard to make friends.” I whispered and leaned over the table. “He kind of looks up to you…” I winked. “But you didn’t hear that from me.”

Seth beamed  and it made me smile. This kids happiness was contagious. A few minutes with him was all you needed after a bad day.

I laughed at Bells words. “You might feel differently when you leave… we’ll have to make you sing some paperwork… non-disclosure… iron clad vow of secrecy.” I smirked. “We only want very select townies to know about this hidden gem.” I joked of course, this was a family business, and we would send all the customers we could their way in support of them.

※ Bella ※

I could help but smile and feel a sense of warmth towards Jacob in this moment. The way he gave #Seth time, to help the boy feel welcomed and seen. It was the kindest thing he could do. And without even waiting a beat.

My gaze moved to #Leah, whom I knew to never miss - a thing, and I was correct. She sipped her coffee taking the exchange without comment.

“I’m sorry. I was not told I had to sign on a dotted line. I have a plan for a front-page article describing each and every taste tone of his drink and cookie.” No.. I had no plans. However, seeing the glee in #Set/ eyes at the banter made this worth it.

“Seth, do you recall anything about the is?” He shook his head finishing his cookie, and I pushed half on mine towards him.

‘No. Bella is right. You didn’t say anything Jake.’ Hearing about this  boy idolising him, #Seth has straightened up. Attempting to be fair in his comments. It was so cute to see.

※ Jacob ※

I laughed at Bella and #Seth. "Really?! You're going to team up on me with her?" There was nothing but laughter in my voice. “That's the trick you see.” l snickered at him. "You get them hooked on the grub... Then hit them with the paperwork.”

I grinned a little when #Seth looked proud. It was true. My cousin had trouble making friends and people gravitated to #Seth... I could see why a sink kid would look up to someone like him.

※ Bella ※

‘She is pretty cool, you are too. Just not as much.’ #Seth waggled his brows winking at me. His sister scoffed and rolled her eyes, however in good nature.

“I’m hoping my intelligence has something to do with it too. No matter how good a marketing strategy Jacob has.” taking another sip of the hot chocolate, immersed in the flavour as it coated my tongue with a burst.

“Jokes aside. This drink is amazing.” Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw a little girl running over to stand by our table. She placed a picture on the table and ran away.

※ Jacob ※

"Well, I can't really contest that because that would be a lie." I scowled jokingly at #Seth. #Leah just pulled her signature eye roll move.

"Of course, it is Bells.” I smiled at her. "I still plan on taking you up on the study date for English lit.”

Leah turned and looked interested suddenly. 'Are you struggling in English class?' She asked. 'I can find you a tutor if you need one.'

‘Sis!’ #Seth burned beet red. Embarrassed that his sister was so keen on helping his friend keep his grades up. I saved him with a polite nod. "Thanks, Leah. I'm doing ok. And I have Bella's awesome bookworm brain to help me out. I'll keep it in mind though.”

I turned my attention back to Bella. "I told you... We do everything better on the Rez.”

※ Bella ※

I couldn’t help but smile to the little hiding behind a servers apron. She was beautiful with her jet black curls.

#Seth, #Leah, and Jacob were lost in their conversation as I placed my finger on the picture pulling it before #Seth so he didn’t miss the small gift. “of course, I’m happy to help. I turned to the two Clearwater siblings. “You’re both welcome to join too. We could then them into study nights? Make sure we all do our homework?”

#Seth jumped a little in his seat. ‘Yes. That’s sounds good.’ And #Leah looks shocked at his enthusiasm. ‘Ma and I cannot get you to sit down for more than a hour just to finish your sentence or reading, but now you want to take part in study nights?’

The kid blushed, looking down at the A4 sheet of paper. Then he found the little girl smiling. ‘Thank you Gemma.’

※ Jacob ※

I had been so engrossed with the conversation that I had totally missed Gemma leaving a drawing on the table for #Seth.  I smiled... because Bella didn't.

I chuckled at Leah. "Studying with friends is always different. Every day after school #Quil, #Em..." I stopped almost  choking on my best friend's name.

I cleared my throat and shook it off. "We... uh... do our homework together at my place." It was mostly to make l sure did his and focused... I swear that boy has undiagnosed ADHD.

I peered over at the picture and grinned at Gemma. "Nice work Gem... looks exactly like him!" I praised the little girl.

※ Bella ※

Reaching over I squeezed Jacob’s arms before continuing to take another piece of a cookie. Attempting to not dare attention, however, #Leah didn’t miss a single point.

There were regrets from me. He had been through a lot today, and right now I couldn’t help the feeling  he could do with a friend.

“Quil should join us too.” I offered.

‘Someone might think you hate being alone.’ #Leah offered before looking at the wall with a clock on it. ‘Come on kid, I best get you home before Da comes looking.’

The sibling stood up. ‘Let me know when you are doing this study group thing. I’ll make sure the kid is there.’ She messes up #Seth’s hair.

“It’s a deal, I will most definitely call.” I told her.

※ Jacob ※

I rested my hand lightly ok Bella’s when she gave my arm a squeeze. Grateful for the fact she was here and she came with me today even though she hardly know #Embry.

“Hell yeah.” It wasn’t hard to fake the Enthusiasm #Quil loved tutoring and if an hour with #Seth contagious  happiness was making me feeling better it would surely give my #Quil a boost too. “Can’t have a study session without the Maths and Science nerd.” I chuckled. “She we have a history nerd.”  I pointed to myself. “An English nerd, and maths nerd were sorted.”

I looked up at those words reminded me of #Embry. The kid who never went home unless he knew his mom was from work. He hated it… but I suppose him hating being alone was still true. He was with #Sam all the time. “I don’t there’s anything with that.” I spoke. “As long as you’re keeping good company.”

※ Bella ※

‘All the nerds in La Push had to be in my vicinity.’ #Leah rolled her eyes, nodding to Jacob and then me.

“You wouldn’t have it any other way.” Knowing she would. She performed a hand gesture the. Walked off towards the counter, saying something before leaving.  Tuning to  #Seth who was chasing after his sister shouting and waving his goodbyes. “See you soon Seth.”

I half smiling. “Thank you. You really made #Seth’s day, Jacob. I had no idea the boy idolised you.” As I spoke, two fresh cups of hot chocolates and this time fries were brought to the table. “Oh. We didn’t order anything.” I told the lady with a sweet smile.

‘Leah asked me to bring these over. She paid for them too.’ Setting them down before leaving us.

“She doesn’t let anyone do anything nice for her.” I muttered underneath my breath.

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled at #Leah... I knew she'd gotten good grades in school. She was a perfectionist. When the Clearwater  Siblings stood up  to leave reached out to high five #Seth. "See you soon, #Seth." I smiled at him.

Then I turned back to Bella and shrugged. "He's always been a  good kid." I took the last mouthful of the hot chocolate that had cooled enough not to have more than a sip. "I used to find it annoying when he was younger, and he followed us around... but looking back now I know that was a little mean. But he's older now... even if he still  talks a lot." I teased.

The drinks and fries arrived. I shook my head with a grin. "Or... did we give her the opportunity to do something nice for us, by doing something nice for her?" I smirked at my own cleverness and took a bite of a fries.

※ Bella ※

“We did indeed. However, she will never admit to doing so.” Taking one of the hot crisp fries in my fingers and having a bite. “This just means I take a pizza with me the next time I go to visit.” Adding while dusting my fingers free of the salt.

“I love that he speaks for the  world. He can be a life saver at times.” Saying sentences before realising what it was is said. “I… ugh.. I mean. Sometimes it’s nice to fill the silence.” Was that any better?

I gave up. “Youngsters will find their hero’s eventually, even if the heroes are determined to  push them away. Seth Clearwater doesn’t know how to take no for an answer, and he doesn’t hold a grudge either. The boy is too much of a kind soul really.”

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled and dunked more fries in the ketchup. "Me too... There is something freeing about being around someone who says everything they think. There's no pretence, you never have to wonder if they are being honest or not." There was a lot of dishonesty in my life right now, #Embry was keeping stuff from me... even my own Dad. I knew, he knew something about #Sam that he wasn't telling me.

I chuckled as #Bella tried to find the right words. "I get it." I told her, reaching for a sachet of mayonnaise and mixing it into the ketchup. "But I'm not  sure I could be called anyone's hero." I laughed a little. "But trying to do homework with him will be really interesting."

※ Bella ※

“We all have to consider all the time we must place in homework every day. I mean I complete mine the day it is assigned. That way I’m always on top of things. However, doing so with friends will be good for us all.”

All my attention focused on the one action. Jacob Black’s hand going for the mayonnaise, and then adding it to the ketchup. There was No way in the world.

“You… mix them up?” Pointing to the concoction before us, a pale shade of pink as the two came together. “Ketchup and Mayonnaise, together, as one?”

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled… Bella and I were more alike than I had thought. “I try don't same… but I dare you to try to convince #EmbryCall to do maths on a Friday afternoon and not at 7 am on a Monday morning before class.” I laughed but the casual mention of my friend brought the memories crashing back… I was glad she'd given Mr something else to focus on. I glanced at my pink blood and then at her.

“What? You don't like mayonnaise? I may need to rethink this friendship!” I teased her.

※ Bella ※

The headmistress tone from my voice dropped, with the mood returning to a sombre tone (in my mind at least).

“Last week I’d have said challenge accepted. Not sure he wanted to be in the same room as me today.” Shaking the feelings off because this wasn’t about me. It was about my friend. So, I squeezed his arm and then poked it. Turning back to that jovial, teasing tone once again.

“ Mayonnaise... yes, I like it. However, a ketchup girl with fries. There is nothing better in my opinion. But... it is just my opinion.”

Elbowing Jacob in the side. “You? I believe I’m the one who is more on the fence with this friendship now, thank you so very much!”

※ Jacob ※

"He’s not himself.” I said, quieter now. "He isn't exactly the politest guy you will ever meet. But he isn't like that either.

"Not liking mayo on your fries...I can forgive that... " I smirked. " But have you ever tried this magical concoction?” I pointed to the pink mess on the plate. Glad for the change in subject.

Grabbing a few more fries, I mixed even more together and popped them into my mouth. "So good."

※ Bella ※

I disliked this feeling, the feeling of not being able to help those who love. More so I disliked Sam and his gang. I know I didn’t know these people. However, there had to be something wrong here. The way the boys all watched Sam, not moving, or speaking without the go ahead from the man.

Half smiling Because I didn’t wish to share anything I had been thinking with Jacob. I couldn’t stand him being hurt.

“I’ve never seen anyone do this.” Pointing my finger over to the blood like mess. “However, I also won’t judge without trying it first.” taking a couple of fries in my fingers.

“May I?” I asked before dipping them in.

※ Jacob ※

I see her trying to rack her brains to figure out a way to fix this whole mess with #Embry. But I knew this was up to me, it needed to be someone that knew him. But for some reason, it felt nice to have someone want to help this badly. Just that fact alone made me feel better. I bowed my head in mockery of old-school manners and smirked. “You may! And prepare to have your mind blown!” I chuckled. I mean… it was good, but mind-blowing might be an exaggeration.

※ Bella ※

“Why thank you young sir.” Bowing my head as I imagined Miss Bennett may have, before dipping the fires and taking a bite.

The flavour… well… it was smooth thanks to the Mayo and tangy thanks for the catch up, it felt a little different in the mouth.

“Okay…” wiping my  fingers on the napkin, whilst I continued to chew.

“I actually like it; I don’t want to. However, it really is palatable…. I’m astounded… cookies, hot chocolate, this dipping sauce. It’s all delicious. Thank you, Jacob.”

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled; she was really into that British mannerism stuff. It was good to know if I even needed to make her smile. I stored away that piece of information for use later.

“Palatable?” I laughed. “Sounds like with write in the box for pet medication. But will take it!”

As  plate of fries diminished, I knew we would have to talk about it sooner rather than later. “You feeling okay now? After… everything. Any dizzier spells or… whatever that was?”

※ Bella ※

My hands froze whilst I wiped the reminder of the salt off my fingers. He had noticed that? My glance lifted to meet his as I took Jacob in.

“You noticed that did you?” Setting the used napkin down, I finished off the cold dregs of the hot chocolate in the cup. “For someone so young. And a boy. You truly do not miss a thing around you, do you?”

Sighing deeply, I nod me head a little. “I think I needed to eat, and the cold. You know how much I like the cold and rain.”

What other reason could it be? Even as I said the words, I didn’t believe it, however, also couldn’t explain it too.

※ Jacob ※

I laughed softly. “I keep telling you… I am wise beyond my years.” O took a good look at her… but… it was hard to tell with Bella. Her skin was always a few shades whiter than most white people... Even the ones that people who spend their lives in dreary Forks.

She never covers with makeup to make herself look tan… so when a hint pink flushed her cheek she could tell, or when the cold reddened her nose. I liked it… her skin was… she was… so pretty and I was staring.

“Thats good.” I stared into the empty cup like it might swallow me  and save me from my own awkwardness. “But if it happens again, you should see a doctor. Dizzy spells like that are no joke, trust me. It's better to be safe than sorry.”

※ Bella ※

“You do, and it is high time I began to believe you Jacob Black.” My eyes found him attempting to hide in plain sight, so I nudged him attempting to smile.

“Okay Doctor Black… I will do as ordered.” My voice set to wistfully move on from the topic.

“What now?” Pointing my chin to his empty cup. “Would you like me to drive you home?”

※ Jacob ※

She was still holding something back, but I didn’t want to push… okay, well I did WANT to but I knew I shouldn’t. So, I didn’t.

“I can drive you home if you still aren’t feeling good? I can call #Quil and he’ll come pick me up in his mom’s car.”

She seemed okay driving from the beach. But that was just through the village. The he road back to Forks was longer.

※ Bella ※

Shaking my head vigorously. “Don’t be silly, I’m not taking you all the way to Forks and making poor Quil come out too. That’s out of the question.” Motioning to the empty dishes on the table before us.

“A sugar rush from all of this, and the fries have giving me a boost  it’s not a long drive away. And it’s not as though Charlie will be waiting for me when I arrive home. So, I can take my time.”

Going back to an empty house never used to make me pause for thought, however lately the emptiness felt like it was rushing out to get me. But I  tell anyone, especially #Charlie. He felt guilty enough about having to work late and going fishing with his friends.

“Anyway. You must have homework or chores you should be getting on with. I don’t want Billy thinking I’m a bad influence on you.”

※ Jacob ※

I shook my head. “I don’t know how it worked in Arizona… but around here friends like to do favours for friends.” I chuckled. “It wouldn’t be a problem, but if you’re sure…” Then I stopped and looked at her. “Is #Charlie still working? Well… Theres no point going home to an Empty house. You could come hang out with me and Dad if you want… Better sitting hope alone, right?”

※ Bella ※

“Arizona?”

Dropping my eyes to hide my embarrassment. How could I tell him that I really didn’t have friends until I came to Forks. How to tell him that he should understand just how important he is to so many people, that they would drop things for him.

How did I say, I hadn’t made the time of the effort to gain such friendships? #Renée had been a full-time relationship for me. “Uhm… I wouldn’t want to outstay my welcome. I’m sure you and Billy have things you’d rather be doing, other than entertaining me.”

I nudged him with my elbow  as a thanks. It had to be said how easy it always seemed for Jacob, to think of others. This boy genuinely cared. “Come on you little delinquent. Let’s get you home before your dad calls me a bad influence.”

※ Jacob ※

l felt an instant rush of guilt I thought she'd chosen to come here from Arizona. Maybe problems at school factored in? Either way, she was not ready to want about it.

If I respected her privacy, then maybe one day she would share things without hesitation. I should probably  use that logic on #Embry too, but I knew him. He wasn't one to bottle things he said everything that popped into his head.

"You could never outstay our welcome. You may be put to work come dinner time, though.” I chuckled. "And I think dad misses having girls in the house, so you would always be welcome.”

I stood up and stopped by Gem’s table for a high-five on the way out to the truck.

※ Bella ※

Smiling I gave the young girl a small wave as I passed by her table. Seeing how Jacob interacted with her, his willingness to share his time so willingly. This boy came as a gift to those who came across him.

“If helping with dinner is a Pre-requisite... I think we have a deal.” pushing the door over a gust of wind blew directly through my clothes and unzipped coat making my hackles rise. Quickly I rectified the situation, taking my keys out.

“Billy must really miss having a full house?” I asked climbing into the truck to turn it on right away with the heat blasting through it was cold again from being still all this time.

※ Jacob ※

I grinned... I hadn't expected her to change her mind. When she made up her mind she stuck to it, I just wanted her to know she was always welcome. I knew some people didn't mind being alone, I had a feeling Bella was one of them. But that didn't mean you shouldn't seek out  company when they wanted it. Or needed it.

I nodded climbing up into the passenger side the blast of cold air felt even colder than normal... and I was used to the noisy stream this beast made if you forget to turn the heater off.

"I think some of it is guilt... not that suggesting he doesn't miss the twins. But with them gone a lot of the chores are up to me... he thinks I have too many responsibilities... but it is not like he's a slob or anything. Mostly I cook and clean and #SueClearwater and #AuntConnie help out too."

※ Bella ※

I kept my concentration on what I was doing, pulling out of the parking lot, checking for a clear road before pulling out towards the Black’s home.

At the same time nodding my head whilst listening to my friend and watching my speed and the vehicles coming towards me, “I can see why Billy would feel like that. It is his prerogative as your dad, Jacob.” I’d seen that same look in #Charlie’s eyes so often.

“As long as you have support, and it’s what you want to do.” Hearing #Sue’s name did not surprise at all. The lady has been a god send for my family too. Her whole family were.

The dark clouds opened to let rain fall hard on the roof of my beast. Turning the wipers on, a ‘V’, formed between my eyebrows with my level of concentration.

※ Jacob ※

"I know he feels like he should be the one doing all that stuff, but life doesn't always follow the path we think it should... and I wouldn't want anyone else doing it. At least... not all the time. I have people to help when I need to ask."

I leaned forward in my seat as the  rain poured down in sheets. "Damn... the drizzle got hardcore pretty fast."

※ Bella ※

If #Charlie hadn’t drilled in the fact that the driver needs to look at the road all the time. This would have been a moment when I would really look at Jacob Black.

“How can someone so young, have suck a hold of life?” The question wasn’t meant to be spoken aloud. However, now that it was. I wouldn’t take it back.

“It’s how I feel about taking care of things for #Renée and #Charlie.” Sighing I reached over to clear my side mirror. “The weather loves to keep me on my toes here.”

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled. "I'm really not that much younger than you, you know." I had said the words without any other thought than just that. I was barely two years younger than her.

"I do remember #Charlie mentioning that your mom was a little...." I tried to think of a better word  he used. "Free-spirited." I laughed. "I bet that made for an interesting childhood."

I looked at the sky again. "Maybe it's a good thing you are staying for dinner... Hopefully, the weather will get a better."

※ Bella ※

I said the words at the same time has Jacob. “Free-spirited?” However, mine was a question to see if it was how #Charlie described his ex-wife. And he did.

Half smiling, I nod my head once. “Yes, it’s the best way to explain her. I think you would like her if you met her, she’s really laid back and easy going. She’s the one who always tries to make me skip school to go on a road trip.” I half laughed. “We have these tees we collected over the years.”

Glancing up at the sky. “I guess things happen for a reason. We need to stop off at the store.” seeing it coming up. “I need to grab a few things.”

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled when Bella came to the same conclusion as me. I Looked over at her when she said she needed to come to the store...

"Who on their mind comes here to go shopping when they could all the choice of Forks?" I laughed because really wasn't a notable improvement. And at we had the Farmer's market once a week.

 "Do you need directions into the village?" I had to admit I was a little curious about why she needed to go shopping just to come to my place for the evening.

※ Bella ※

“Someone who just thought about it, and now needs to go.” Clicking my tongue at Jake.

“Stop being so judgmental Jacob Black.” The comment was made in jest of course, this boy was the least judge mental person I’d met other than #Charlie.

Chewing on my bottom lip as it occurred to me, I’d not been into the heart of the village since I’d begun coming to visit. The Clearwater home, or the Black home, or the beach were the only places.

“Uhmm…. Yes please. Some directions wouldn’t go amiss.”

※ Jacob ※

I laughed and teased her. "Well, aren't you just full of ironclad logic. I will apologise with my famous Bolognese for my judgemental behaviour." I laughed.

I directed Bella turn by turn into the village.  "You can't miss it, it's the only store with a neon sign over the door."

※ Bella ※

“I’m a very logical person, I will have you know.” As soon as I say it, I shook my head. “Okay. Fine. I’m not. However, it’s the taking part which counts in the end.”

Being guided by Jake wasn’t hard. Soon enough we were parked outside of the bright neon sign. 

“This is cute”

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled. “I mean I think you are… you just aren't… you know, constrained by it. You are still creative and funny, don't take yourself too seriously. Well balanced, I guess.” Was I giving away too much?

“Yeah, it’s enough to survive on. At least in between the weekly  farmers market. Like most things around here it's been in the same family for generations.”

I looked out the window bracing myself for the spring to the door. “Ready?” I asked like it was a challenge.

※ Bella ※

My eyes found Jacob so fast. “Would you like to write my endorsement for my school yearbook, by any chance? I pay well in rides and helping out with homework!”

Looking to the store on the others side of the rain we would need to run though. “I haven’t been to the farmers market here.” Making a mental note to visit it soon.

“Okay. Let’s do this.” Pushing all my willpower into my body to open the door, close it and run towards the door.

“Oh crap!” I felt my feet going out from under me as soon as I was in front of the store and my truck.

※ Jacob ※

"Really? That's what want your yearbook to say? She didn’t take herself too seriously!” Laughed. "But you should check it out... they have a stall with the best cheese you will ever taste."

I ran to the store just a few steps behind Bella. before I knew it she was tilting backwards... limbs everywhere. Faster than I knew I could move and caught her under her arms. "Geez... Bells." I just about stopped her before her butt hit the wet pavement.

※ Bella ※

My chest was heavier, just as it had been on the beach. My mind honestly felt like it had vacated and then came crashing down when strong arms came from nowhere to catch me.

“What… where… how?” Confused with the mystery of how my body reacted and then Jacob… “I… Uhm… I’m so sorry Jacob. Are you okay?” Correcting myself as quickly as I could.

 “Come on. We are getting soaked.” Straightening myself up, grabbing Jacob’s hand to pull him along. Hoping to hide my embarrassed.

※ Jacob ※

"It's okay... Just a clumsy moment..." I helped her to right herself. Then she grabbed my hand and dragged me inside. "I think you really to quit running... especially in the rain." I chuckled.

"Me?" I asked, incredulous. "I'm fine... Are you okay? I hope I  did grab you too  hard? I figure I was an option than the pavement." I still wasn't quite sure how I managed it. I looked back to where she almost fell trying to recreate the slip in my head.

※ Bella ※

“Yeah….” Multiple thoughts about what happened and could have happened invaded my mind, however I waved them off. “Maybe it’s time to retire  from running. I’ve been telling my teaches for years.”

With one last glance back to the place where I would have landed, I let go of his hand, and shook the rain lingering on my shoulders.

“I would rather you than the cold, wet pavement. Thank you.” Pushing the door to the store open, we were greeted by a kind face. ‘Well.. hello.’

※ Jacob ※

I laughed a little relieved. "True... I just hope I didn't grab you too hard. You seem to do enough damage to yourself without any help." I teased... but I was starting to see her clumsiness was more than just the odd stumble or spill.

I smiled ad followed her inside, wiping my feet on the mat in front of the door. I beamed as we were greeted. "Hey, Joy." I turned to Bella. "Bella... This is #JoyAteara. #Quil's mom... Joy... This is Bella Swan."

'Oh!! This is the young lady that has all my favourite Boys scrambling for her attention?' #Joy grinned cheekily. I coughed and rubbed the back of my neck shyly.

※ Bella ※

My shoulders had felt a hold, but nothing more. Why would Jacob believe he may had hurt me wasn’t clear right now. That was until I went to shrug my wet coat, so I didn’t drip water in the store floor.

A sharp twinge jolt made me stop and bite down on my lip trying to smile at the woman before me. My hands half reached out when i heard her. I could see #Quil’s eyes and smile looking back to me. And the open demeanour.

“Oh… Uhm… I’m…” what did one say to such things? “Good afternoon, Mrs Ateara. I’m not sure of that.” My eyes darting to  Jacob and back to her. “Your son is a dear friend, and such an incredible young man. He was such a help with my fathers shed. I’d have been so lost without them all.”

Deflection to how well her son is brought up had to work, right?

※ Jacob ※

#Joy laughed. ‘Yes, he is. Good boy… when he minds his manners.’ #Quil’s mother was well aware of her son’s flirty nature. She put a hand on my shoulder. ‘That’s what this is for, keeps the other two… polite.’ She smiled. ‘You’re very welcome to our little village Bella, Jake will you show her around while I ring up some customers?’

“Sure thing…” I smiled and turned to Bella. “So what are we looking for?”

※ Bella ※

“Oh. Jacob does the same for me too. And thank you.” Taking a step to the side to made room for #Joy to continue with her work, I pushed my hands into my pockets.

“Oh.. Uhm… cooking chocolate, eggs, flour, powdered sugar, some vanilla?” Looking around my eyes fell on the grocery baskets, so I picked one up. “Are you or Billy allergic to nuts?” Chewing on my lips as another customer smiles at me walking past.

※ Jacob ※

I grinned at Bella. "Told ya I won awards for my politeness." I chuckled.

"What are you baking?" I asked her, really curious now. I had learned to be a decent enough cook looking after dad and trying to make sure he had well-balanced meals that kept his diabetes in check  but, baking was still beyond me. But luckily the ladies or the reservation had that part covered.

I led #Bella through the store to the aisle she needed.

※ Bella ※

Without answering I nudged my elbow into the side of my friend.

“As you’re cooking dinner, I thought I could take of dessert? It’s just a simple brownie recipe I saw on line. If I use a rich dark chocolate, a rip banana, and honey. Then Billy can have a one square too. what do you think?” Billy had in the past sneaked some pie or cake at ours when Jake wasn’t there. It’s why I thought of looking up some recipes to easy bakes to try.

“And trust me, I’m not great at the baking. However, brownies can’t go wrong can they.”

I could feel #Joy’s eyes following us. So, I turned my head, to find her smiling and waving while speaking to a woman I didn’t know. Waving back my attention returned to the job at hand.

※ Jacob ※

I smiled at #Bella of course she had thought about Dad's health. "Dad always reserves his sweet treats exclusively for baked goods... so I think you have a winning idea there."

I chuckled. "Well, neither am I... but I find that YouTube can solve most problems... and there one  in the living room where the Wi-Fi works."

That might have been an exaggeration... there were about three spots. I glanced at where Bella was waving. "#Joy is great. She teases a lot but she's good fun."

※ Bella ※

“Exactly. What did the world do before YouTube?” Gathering the few items necessary and placing them into the basket I lead the way back towards #Joy and the counter.

“I can see where Quil gets it from too. He definitely has parts of his mom visible. Now that I have met her.”

‘Did you find everything you needed Bella?’ #Joy took out a paper grocery bag, ringing the items up.

“Yes, thank you Mrs Ateara.” I said.

‘Please, call me Joy.’ She glanced up at me with a wink. Jake here will tell you. I’m not a stuffy old bat.’ This made me smile and redden.

※ Jacob ※

I smiled… “Yeah, his grandfather says that he's got his mother’s looks and his father's personality.” I laughed. We just took his word it bones of us knew for sure.

“They live with Old Quil down by the docks.” I told her as we walked up to the counter and Joy checked us out.

“Thanks, Joy.” I smiled at her, chuckling at her comment to Bella. 

Then I followed her out to their again. Taking the bags because Bella was struggling to walk today, without added burdens. “At least the rain eased up a tiny bit.” It definitely had not eased up.

※ Bella ※

My lips quirked up into a smile. (I’d begun doing it ‘smiling’, a lot more around La Push and these boys. They were good for the souls.)

“They must have some amazing views by the docks.” Looking up to the dark sky and the rain still coming down.

Pushing my hands into my pockets at first, and then I thought better of it. I would require my hands if my feet gave out on me. So, they came out as I walked as fast as I dared towards the truck.

“If you say so Jacob, however, please don’t be offended if I disagree with you.” Thankful he has taken  bags for me. Once inside I pushed the hood of my coat off my head and shivers.

The engine on, heat on full blast.

“Right, let’s take you home.” Pulling out of the parking lot, I pointed towards the left and then Right. “Which way do I need to go?” Asking sheepishly.

※ Jacob ※

Bella didn't run to the truck I grinned. She had learned the hard way. "Yeah, it's pretty good but... there are hardly any fishing boats anymore... but you see most of the bay. We climb up on the roof sometimes when there is a full moon, and the clouds aren't too thick.

I climbed into the truck and settled the groceries on my lap.

"Maybe it's just that I'm more accustomed to this kinda of weather. The Desert Girl has a low tolerance for cold and rain."

※ Bella ※

“It’s sounds heavenly.” I could picture the three boys growing up together young children climbing up to watch the night sky.

“Excuse me, however, I am not ashamed to say I like the heat, the sun, the warm air, and the lack of lush greenery surrounding me at all times.” Shivering just as I said the last word.

“I had hoped to have Climatize to this” pointing out the window. “However, my body, mind, and souls are fighting it tooth and nail. With my blessing... may I add.”

※ Jacob ※

“It’s a lot of fun.” I admitted happily.

I thought about what she said. “I mean I love the sun and the heat… but I don’t think if like to live somewhere without tress and rivers and free everywhere. I’d love to see it, but just for a visit. But I guess that’s the human we like the known and for you that’s… well the desert.” I chuckled.  “And I would be be the same if I went to Phoenix… because a hot day here has nothing on the hot day there.”

※ Bella ※

“I guess, I mean… I’ve not thought so deeply about why I miss the heat and the sun. Just that I do.”

For a short time, a blink of an eye is contemplated moving back with mom and #Phil, when #Charlie had come to his wits end with me. Because it would have been easier for him. However, I’d fought them.

“I’m conflicted with it now. Mom is asking me to pick a school closer to her when I graduate…. She misses me…. So, maybe you’ll come for a visit if I do, huh?”

Trying to become jovial with the possibility of the move.

※ Jacob ※

I grinned at her. "I think I'd feel the same if I left here. But I don't think that's the reason I don't want to leave... missing home in kind of a normal human condition."

I shrugged a little. "I suppose you should decide based on the school, right? How good it is... if it Teaches the course, you want and all that? right?" I didn’t like the idea of Bella leaving... but her not getting what she dreamed of? That was far worse.

※ Bella ※

Scoffing a laugh, one of those it’s worn as a mask for far too long. “Yes, of course. Of course, it’s about where it is best for me to go.”

Keeping my eyes on the road as the wipers swag back and forth over my windshield. “What you, still thinking about an internship or  trade school?”

Trying to think back to this conversation I had with him and his two friends now so long again. That had been his answer then.

※ Jacob ※

“So maybe don’t worry too much about where and focus on the best school…unless it’s a place you really don’t want to be… like I hear Seattle is kind of dangerous at night.”

Bella seemed to know where she is going now. “Um… yeah not really thinking about it. I have guy willing to me on as long as I graduate high school and it will be six months away of the trade school part. But #SueClearwater we can figure something out for Dad while I’m gone.

※ Bella ※

“Yeah, Charlie wasn’t best pleased when the brochure from Washington state came in the post. He’s worried about the crime rates there.” Nodding me head as I spoke. “He is trying to find a missing boy who went to school there. The mom and dad have been trying to find answers however, the police in Seattle haven’t helped much. They say the boy is over 18, so is ‘most like out doing what boys do.’ Charlie is taking this one hard.”

Tuning down the road going to the black house now, the rain easier enough for me to ease the grip on the wheel. “Six months away from home?” I had to smile; Jake was trying to plan ahead to make sure #Billy was looked after. We were so dissimilar after all. “You’re going to graduate, aren’t you? So, it’s a sure thing?”

My brows pulled together as the Blacks red house came into view. “Is that Charlie’s cruiser parked up in front of your home?” What was my dad doing here, I thought to myself.

※ Jacob ※

"I get it. I mean, he would probably love for you to be close by... but..." I inhaled loudly. "Yeah, he asked us to help put up posters around the village. But... I doubt anyone here has seen him. And I know that happens... kids go off to college and stop getting in touch... but  I think that a dangerous road when someone is missing... even if it turns out to be true. People need to be more like #Charlie and try to find them... not make excuses."

I nodded. "Oh yeah graduating was always the plan... but I think he used it as an incentive... Rez  High Schools have the highest dropout rate of any other demographic in the state. So... the grownups around here really try to encourage us to stay in school."

I leaned forward when I spotted the cruiser too. "Did you leave a note or something? Telling him you were coming  here?"

※ Bella ※

How could I not have a sense of pride in my father and what he did for his community? Add to the fact when others spoke with such a high regard and respect for him, I knew #Charlie was where he was meant to be.

Once maybe I held it against him for not leaving with my mother and I, however that feeling disappeared as I grew up to better understand #Renée, I knew they made the correct decision in the end.

“Huh? Oh… Uhm… no I didn’t.” Knowing I should have and that it was silly of me not to when I knew #Charlie would worry.

“But he has been  working late all this week, and I didn’t like he would be home before me…” my logic had made sense to me at the time.

As soon as I parked up beside the cruiser, the door to the red house opened. The shadow back lite by the light of our two fathers came forward before them.

#Charlie gave me a small wave and smiled. When #Billy spoke. ‘I gave Charlie a call, he’s been working too hard. So, I told him to come for dinner. We can watch the game while you kids do kids things.’

※ Jacob ※

When Dad and #Charlie stepped out onto the porch at the top of the ramp, I wondered if #Leah and #Seth had told #Sue they saw us and word got to Dad… who then… “Yup!” I whispered with a grin when Dad said that he called #Charlie.

“Just in time!” I called up to them. “I was  going to make my world-renowned Bolognese for dinner, and Bella is even going to make dessert.” #Charlie didn’t look surprised; he’d been here before, and he had eaten my cooking more than once. And I knew that #Bella had taken on a lot of the kitchen duties in the Swan house too.

‘Two teenagers sharing a kitchen?’ #Charlie flashed a crooked smile. ‘This will be fun.’ He chuckled.

“Two very mature, responsible teenagers!” I scoffed.

※ Bella ※

‘Sure, responsible.’ #Charlie teased.

‘Don’t disagree with the cooks, Charlie. We want to eat tonight.’ #Billy joked.

As I walked up the ramp towards the men with a paper grocery bag in my hand, reaching out I squeezed #Billy’s shoulder making eye contact. Thanking him in our way for making this happen.

His smile told me ‘Don’t worry, I got you and my friend kid.’ Making the prickling sensation at the back of my eyes threaten to let my emotions run wild. Blinking my eyes a few times, I leant into my dad as his arm came around my shoulder, taking the bag from me while kissing the top of my head.

‘You okay, Bells?’ He whispered into my hair.

“Yeah dad, I am more than okay.” It was the honest truth.

He glanced back to look at Jacob, I couldn’t see the look he gave the boy. However, his body remained relaxed as we walked into out of the cold.

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled at the dads and rolled my eyes as we walked inside. “Keep it up #Charlie and I’ll give you the supermarket cheese instead of the pepperjack from the farmers market.”

I heard Dad scoff behind me. ‘Hey, don’t waste the good cheese on the townies!’ He teased.

#Charlie gave me a smile that was more like a silent thank you… but he didn’t know that Bella’s day out of the house and socialising with friends… was more like getting yelled at on the beach by my so-called best friend.

They followed us to the kitchen, and I turned to glare at them. “Weren’t you talking about a game or something? We don’t need a peanut gallery.” I elbowed Bella lightly as we started to unpack the groceries.

The two figures finally retreated, muttering something about grumpy teens. “Should we start the brownies first? They need to sit a while before you can cut them, right?”

※ Bella ※

The Black house had a warmth to it, and I didn’t mean from the wood burner, I meant this sentimental warmth which engendered care, love, and a welcoming atmosphere.

Seeing the three of them laughing, joking, and teasing made a sigh of contentment, release from within. Of course I knew #Charlies friends were here for him, however they had also opened their tighten knit group up to welcome me in too.

The dads headed away. “I didn’t know they listened to you Jacob.” Nodding my head towards their retrieving bodies. #Charlies two steps behind  #Billy until he disappeared into the couch.

“Uhm..” nodding again as we unpacked the groceries. “It would be a good idea, for once giving them some time to rest. Charlie had a habit of stealing from the pan while they ate hot.” Saying it loud enough to be heard over the TV.

‘Lies. I hear nothing but lies.’ He was up making his way to the fridge.

“I would never.” He kissed me on the head and squeezed me into a half hug.

‘Whatever you say Bells.’ Whispering to Jacob. ‘I’m an officer of the law. I wouldn’t steal.’ Winking he left with two beers in his hands.

※ Jacob ※

I laughed. “Only when they want feeding!” I teased her. “I learned a lot from #Sue and Auntie #Connie so if I’m even half as good as either of those two I’m doing pretty good in the cooking department.” I boasted a little.

I nodded when she agreed we should start the brownies  first. “I know that from trying to steal #Sue’s and getting my hand slapped away.” I laughed and rubbed my hand like I could feel it. Even if she never hit hard, always a warning shot with a glare that made you take it seriously. “Okay… so what do we need? A mixing bowl…

One of those tray thingies… and…” I looked to her for the answers and searched for the tray in the cupboard next to the oven.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m inclined to believe Bell’s, #Chief! I’ve seen you try to snake a half-grilled burger off a barbeque.” #Charlie waved me off as he walked back into the living room. But I heard his deep chuckle. I set the bowl and tray on the counter and pulled open a drawer for spoons and a whisk.

Baking wasn’t really my thing… unless you counted heating lasagne or the pies that #Sue brought over, but I had a vague idea of the basic tools.

※ Bella ※

Once again, I found myself smiling, knowing #Charlie noticed it too. His chuckles and teasing with Jacob and I had a calming reaction for sure.

“Oh... Uhm… a knife to cut the chocolate bars with please? And a board too. And…” as I placed the ideas from the bag before us. Lifting up the bananas. “Could we microwave two of these for a few minutes? I need them to become ripe and soft.”

“Sue’s been great with the food advice with me too. Over the last year, I’ve gotten to learn to cook a few more things, other that the meat Charlie wasn’t all the time.”

Taking the mixing bowl, looking around. “Do you have any measuring cups at all?” Glancing towards the dads who had now fallen into their normal routine of discussing the game situation and how they would do things differently.

※ Jacob ※

I tilted my head at her… A knife for the chocolate? I chuckled. “Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear. A Knife to cut the chocolate coming right up!” I grinned and pulled the drawer next to the sink open and found a big knife. Then I stopped to think about measuring cups…

“I know have I a jug…” I said and went to the corner cupboard… the annoying one that went back so deep that anything that went there might as well have been lost forever. My finger closed on a handle, and I pulled… various ancient pots and pans clattered. I pulled out the heavy Pyrex jug with measurements printed on both sides and held it out… “This has probably been in here for a year.” I laughed. “We should wash it first.” I set it in the sink, ignoring the mess I had likely made inside the cupboard… I made a mental note to clear  it out soon.

※ Bella ※

“Excuse you… I actually read in a blog that you should use a bar of chocolate when baking and not the chips. Which is all good and well.” Holding up the thick chocolate bar for him to see. “However, these things are hard to break with just my fingers. Also, I got the high coco  dark chocolate, it’s not so sweet. So, your dad can enjoy the dessert too.”

Setting the bar down, I walked over the sink without thinking. Picking up the jug and began to wash it out. Shouts came from the vicinity of the TV making me smile a little again. Once clean and dry I returned to the bowl and began to measure out all the ingredients we needed into the bowl. “Could you chop and mash the bananas and I’ll get to chopping the chocolate.”

Setting the bowl aside, I turned to the work at hand.

“These things are made to test one’s strength and willpower.” Joking (but not at the same time.”

※ Jacob ※

“I believe you!” I laughed holding up my hands in surrender. “Plus, I’ve tried that cooking chocolate before…. It’s…” I wrinkled up my nose. “Bitter.”

I smiled, I liked that she was thinking of not just Dad’s health… but the little bit of joy he’d get from a treat. This was Bella Swan, so I wasn’t shocked; she was kind unlike anyone else I had ever met. “Mashed bananas.” I said like it was a perfectly normal thing to do. “On it.” I washed my hands and grabbed the bunch. Then found a space on the counter to start peeling and breaking them into a  bowl. I laughed. “You mean the junk cupboard? I think every kitchen has one.”

I licked the fork I mashed the bananas with and dropped it into the sink as I passed to put them where Bella could reach them easily. “What’s next?”

※ Bella ※

“And this is why we are using the bananas. A little sweetness to cut the bitterness of the chocolate.” Leaning over the knife, using the full weight of my body to cut down on the thick bar of the chocolate.

Smiling. My eyes remained in the work in hand, the last thing I wanted was to cut myself and ble—"

“I—" Stopping the thought as it came to life in my mind, cutting myself, my blood, it wasn’t something I needed to worry about. I stopped the next thought even faster before my heart gave in to the darkness I have been fighting to fix.

“Uhm…” replaying what I’d heard while spinning internally. “We need to melt the chocolate once it’s cut. Could you set up a bain-marie at all?” A frown finding a home between my brows. The knife coming down harder and faster now as I attempt to distract myself.

※ Jacob ※

“Just don’t tell Dad there’s fruit in there… he thinks fruit is only dessert if it’s baked in a pie with massive amounts of sugar.” I chuckled. She seemed to freeze for a second with her eyes glued on the knife in a way that made my stomach churn a little.

Then she was sad again… out of nowhere… but not really. I mean I knew that today was only a reprieve from the pain she was in, I wasn’t going to swoop in and save her from the darkness in an afternoon. This wasn’t a movie; it was real life. But… it hurt my heart to actually see the little joy she had, drain away right in front of me.

So, I did the only thing I could think of… try to make her laugh. “Oh yeah, a… bam --- thingies sure. No problem I can do it with one arm tied behind ---” I shook my head, laughing. “Nope... absolutely not. I have no idea what that means. But…” I smirked…. “I’m a fast learner.”

※ Bella ※

“No.. of course, I wouldn’t tell… unless he asks…” distracted slightly as I considered myself lucky for controlling my mind.  The bar was chopped down half way before my gaze fell on Jacob making me smile. Jacob’s laughter had filled the kitchen, making it difficult not to  see how he was trying to help me.

“Bain-marie, Jake.” Licking my lips, I brushed my hair out of the way and pointed to the stove. “If you place a pan of water to boil, and a bowl over it. Please make sure the water doesn’t touch the bowl. We can then melt the chocolate with an indirect heat source. It’s the best way for smooth and glossy chocolate. It’s all about the science, you know.”

My hands had begun to hurt a little with the weight of me trying to cut all the chocolate up however it would be worth it in the end.

※ Jacob ※

I chuckled again. “He won’t. He’s learned to just enjoy it and not ruin his treats. He knows that the minute he hears sugar free he assumes it won’t taste as nice. When he makes no assumptions, he learns to enjoy the things he can have. #Sue’s trick is to tell him he’s only allowed one, then he thinks that just maybe it’s a little cheeky.” I grinned and wondered how many times she’d used that trick on us as kids.

“Oh…” I chuckled. “That doesn’t sound so complicated.” I smiled and looked for a heatproof bowl and a pan that it would safely sit  on top of. I set the water to boil and went to stand next to her. She was white knuckling the knife she was chopping the chocolate with… I wondered if it had something to do with the stressful moment that seemed to threaten to overwhelm her a moment ago.

“Hey, let me try  that, Bells.” I held out my hand for the knife. “It's not every day you get the chance to carve up a chocolate bar with a kitchen knife.”

※ Bella ※

Setting the knife carefully on the counter I took a step to the side. “There you go, I’m not placing it on your hand, that’s not very safe, Jacob.”

Working my hands to ease the discomfort of the pressure placed due to cutting the thick bar of chocolate. “Sue is really good in the way she speaks to you.” She had done something similar when I had needed help. “She’s a lovely lady.” Adding it as I glanced back to the stove. Before gazing back to him.

“Please be careful when cutting, I cannot have you injuring yourself before  we even begin cooking dinner.” Elbowing him in the side playfully. While he took over the chopping, I moved onto measuring out the dry and the wet ingredients ready for the next stage.

※ Jacob ※

“You are such a cop’s daughter.” I chuckled. But she had a point, it was a better option when the counter was right there. “Sue is amazing, she does so much for the tribe and the school… the clinic, and the community centre. I honestly don’t know how she has the time for it all.”

I chuckled a little at the protective comment. Such a cop’s daughter, I thought it this time. I started to chop… “I’ve been the boss in this kitchen since I was twelve.” I teased, remembering cooking in this kitchen with the twins before they went off to college. I matched the sizes of the chunks to the ones Bella had already made. “I’m pretty good with a knife… not in a creepy way.” I laughed when I realised that sounded like that was something a serial killer would say. It wasn’t as hard as it looked, the knife sliced easily through the thick bar, but I learned after a few chops to go slow, or chocolate chunks and crumbs flew off the cutting board.

When I was done, I went to check the pot of water, it was bubbling now. “So do I just put the bowl on top and let the chocolate melt?” I wanted to follow Bella’s lead on this one. I wasn’t used the baking unless it was warming up a pie #Sue had already made, and I didn’t want to ruin her dessert.

※ Bella ※

“And proud of it, however if you tell Charlie I said it out loud. I will have to kill you.” Trying to mimic the tone and accent of Liam Neeson in The Taken but failing miserably.

My gazed flickered to Jacob and back to the measuring jug as he spoke. It occurred to me how Jacob had stepped up to help in his home just as I had mine with mom at a young age. I’d never considered how he and #Billy would have managed their home once the twins left for college.

“Knife skills huh? And don’t worry about it, statistically speaking, the likeliness of there being two serial killers in a close proximity is really unlikely.” Giving him a devilish smirk, which I hoped didn’t look as uncomfortable as it felt doing it.

Upon my next glance over to Jacob, the crease between my brow deepened as I frowned. “You’re really making me look bad. I was struggling with the task you are making look so easy.

‘The boy is all muscular these days.’ #Charlie called out from where the dads were.

“Stop listening to our conversations!” Mocking my dad with a chuckle. His eyes came over the back of the couch and he smiled watching me.

‘Us Black men are stronger than we look.’ #Billy laughed punching dad in the shoulder. The sound of both of them laughing made me smile.

“Uhmm? Oh... yes.” Stopping myself from becoming distracted. “Yes, please if you set it on there, when you see it has begun to melt you can stir it.

Whipping the back of my hand over my forehead to move my hair out of my eyes. My hands working to whisk the ingredients in my bowl.

※ Jacob ※

I laughed and gave her a side-long glance at her serial killer comment. “Are you sure about that?” I asked with a slightly evil glint in my eyes. “Nah… you were doing it for longer. I can’t take all the credit.” I flushed a little at the comment #Charlie made. If the guys had  been here, I would have bragged… but Bella? My cheeks burned.

I tipped the chocolate into the mixing bowl and set it on top of the pot, making sure the water didn’t touch the bowl like she’d said before. Then I went to wipe the flakes and chocolate dust that escaped the  board off the counter, I’d have a moment before it would start to melt. Then I returned to watch it, the corners of the pieces touching the metal already melting a little bit.

“Who taught you how to cook?” I asked… curious. I had a feeling it probably wasn’t her mom.

※ Bella ※

“Okay, Jacob Black. I see you.” Elbowing him in the side. He took the bait and ran with the joke. “You know two minds are better than one. We can give each other our alibis”.

Smiling a little again, it had become a habit around this young boy now. “I know what the truth is. And you chopping that bar as though it is melted butter is boasting worthy.”

The almond tint of his skin reddened, however uncertain as to why I began to whisk the ingredients in the bowl before me.

“TV… a grandma a little too. Magazines on food, and sometimes I just thrust myself into the unknown hoping the outcome would be advantageous and edible. Well one of the two at least.”

My mom was never one to step forward into the kitchen for anything more than a sandwich or some pop.

※ Jacob ※

If I hadn’t had been blushing already, I might have taken her invitation to boast. “Anytime Swan…” I grinned. “The FBI shows up and asks me anything you were with me all day.” I nodded seriously.

“Must have been fun… Learning from your grandma.” I said, stirring the chocolate  now that a puddle of melted chocolate was pooled on the bottom of the bowl. “But it sounds like you mostly taught yourself… that’s cool and from everything I see so far you are pretty good at it.”

I kept stirring, there were still a few lumps, but they were soft and  shrinking. “What comes after melting the chocolate? I think this is nearly ready.”

※ Bella ※

Taping the side of my nose with a small playful wink. “And I’ll do it right back for you, Black.”

Shrugging my shoulders, a little “I have some fondness when I think of my time with her. She always had so much patience with me.”

My hand waved over the bowls and the baking tray I was buttering now. “Cooking is passable, this baking thing. It’s new. And brownies are as good as I have in my repertoire.”

Leaning over to gaze into the bowl. “Oh, that looks good. As soon as the last of the chunks melts, you can pour it into the big bowl here.” Lifting my chin towards the one I meant. “As soon as we stir it all together, it’s ready to go into the oven.”

※ Jacob ※

“More than passable for what I’ve tasted so far Bells..” I stirred the bowl until the last of the lumps melted away. I turned off the burner and lifted the bowl with a towel, hot water dripped from the underside, and I waited until most of it stopped.

“Careful… there’s still  a few drips.” I said as I tipped over the bowl into the one that she had pointed out. “I guess it's something you just have to learn by doing really. I used to do everything the way the twins did… but then I started changing things a little at a time and adding more. Now my Bolognese is famous…” I boasted. “In a very small circle of people… but still.” I laughed. And put the hot metal bowl into the sink, after scraping out as much chocolate as possible.

※ Bella ※

“Yeah. I guess. I hadn’t thought of it before.” Talking as Jacob went to take the bowl in his hands to the sink.

“Now that you say so, I guess it’s the same for me. Your sisters touch you, my grandmother and YouTube taught me and now we are here with your famously amazing  cooking.” Half smiling.

I stepped up stirring all the different ingredients together until they were combined. Once the batter became smooth, the contents were emptied into the baking tray.

“Who wants to lick the bowl?” I’d only gotten half way through asking the question and #Charlie was up running over; he took the spatula too.

‘I best take something for the old one to try too. Otherwise, he’ll sulk the rest of the night.’ Kissing my forehead.

‘Hey, don’t call yourself old. Don’t worry we won’t banish you a cave without dinner  just yet.’ #Billy shot over his shoulder, eyes still on the TV screen.

“You both are such big babies.” Rolling my eyes and wiping down the counter. Moving the Bowls to the sink for a clean-up.

“Right, chef. What can I do to help you with dinner?”

※ Jacob ※

I laughed… “I wouldn’t go that far… I mean my cooking is decent. But this is just the one that I chose to perfect. I should probably start a new goal for a perfect dish.” I chuckled.

I watched how she combined everything. How it all went a little clumpy and then started to  look more and more like you would expect brownie batter to look… I was half expecting the chocolate to start going solid right away. I laughed as #Charlie ran in… Not licking any excess chocolate off of the spoon at all. Nope, I was far too mature for that.

Then he vanished with the bowl and spatula. I wiped my mouth quickly with paper towels and washed my hands again. “We can start with the sauce if that doesn’t need to go into the oven yet?” I asked, clearing space on the counter. Bella was like me, tidying as she went… I hated a big clean-up job after I cooked. But that hadn’t come from the twins… They would wreck the place and do a big clean-up after we ate. It was a quick job after Bells washed the bowl.

I pulled out pots this time, then the vegetables, mushrooms, and tinned tomatoes for the sauce.

※ Bella ※

Shaking my head. “Not yet, we can talk place it in the oven once the sauce is on. It’s all about timing at this stage. Charlie likes them still warm for the first night.”

‘And I know how to use the microwave for the second round the next day.’ He called out. “Would you stop listening in to our conversation and consider watching the game with your friend!” There was a smile on my face while telling my dad off. Well. It wasn’t really a telling off.

“Of course, we can begin with the sauce. I am happy to chop up the onions for you. ”A job I knew most people didn’t like to do, so I offered so that it didn’t case them the eye burn. “And anything else you trust me to work on too.”

With my hands now dry, I went to stand beside the counter, finding a knife and chopping board and the onions to begin the process.

※ Jacob ※

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “You know he never chimes in like when I’m cooking. He’s all about the deserts.” My brow crinkled and watched her gather up the onions and chopping board. “You are volunteering to torture yourself?” I tilted my head and watched her. “It's my  least favourite part of cooking.” I chuckled. “Chopping onions. If you’re sure I’ll gladly delegate, the task.”

‘That’s my boy! Can’t have you crying in front of a girl.’ Dad called in for the next room. I rolled my eyes.

“Really, Dad? What happened to you two not  eavesdropping anymore!” I looked at Bella and smirked. “My next home improvement job will be soundproof doors.”

I went to the sink and washed the carrots and celery, setting myself up with a second cutting board near #Bella to start peeling and chopping.

※ Bella ※

“I’m sure, happy to help with the unwanted jobs. But you need to understand… This is going to get messy, however I feel up to the challenge.” I replied before looking back to where his dad spoke from this time.

I could help but laugh this time, another one of those full disclosure no holes bared laughs which I’d not done in a long while. “Those two are most certainly taking turns tonight.”

Peeling the skin of the onion, I cleaned the cellar membrane where it stuck before halving it with the root still on and began to slice and then dice. It didn’t take long. At first the smell on the vegetable hit my nose, setting off the chain reaction of the stinging and then came the tears.

I blinked my eyes, using the sleeves of my jumper to pat my eyes but not giving up. “Okay. These are shape.” Sniffling.

※ Jacob ※

I chopped the vegetables really fine and then cut up the streaky bacon I used instead of pancetta. “They are as bad as each other.” I chuckled. “And it’s getting worse with old age.” I whispered the last part.

I took the onions from her. “Thank you!” I smiled and then tilted  her face up. “Let’s assess the… Damage.” I paused, swallowing hard. Spirit’s… she was even pretty when she cried! I knew that was a stupid thing to think… Probably an awful thing to think. I mean, not this time because it was onions... but if she was really crying, it would be an awful thing to think. I grabbed a paper towel and handed it to her. “Not too bad.” I fibbed... not bad at all. “Tough as nails Bells.”

I took away the finger I had tilted her chin up with, realising I had touched her without asking again. Then I moved on to  peeling the garlic to get ready. Suddenly glad I hadn’t dealt with that before reaching for Bella’s face.

“Could you put a pot of water on to boil for the pasta please?” I asked, separating the three cloves of garlic I needed and assessing that I had everything I laid out  before I started to cook. “Oh!” I laughed realising I had forgotten the ground beef. I went to the fridge to grab it.

※ Bella ※

“Thank you.” The paper towel helped to wipe away the evidence of my tears, even if the stinging remained in place for now.

My mind went to how tall Jacob had become once again as my head tilted back to glance up at him. And his touch had been so deliciously warm. That act had cased my shoulders to stiffen, however the kindness of this boy had me relaxed.

“Of course, I can.” Following the way he indicated, opening the door to the cabinet I found a pot which could be used getting to work to fill it half way with water before setting it on the stove. The scent of garlic came instantly when he began to cut it, I turned to face the kitchen watching Jacob going to the fridge.

“Awww… and here I thought it would be meat free.” Teasing as I walked over to find a way to help with the next task.

Continued....

[callipraxia]

Incorrect Quotes, Part II

Or, "How Half Of Isoseismal Emanations Should Have Gone, Apparently."

Powers: Where is Stan? Soos: I'll do you one better, who is Stan?? Ford: Here's a better question, why is Stan?

Soos: Are you laughing at that video of Powers and Ford fighting? Stan: No. Stan: I'm laughing at the comments.

Soos: Gasp Powers: wHAT?? Soos: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish? Powers: inhales Stan, in another room with Ford: Why can I hear screeching?

Powers: What if people had food names and food had people names? Stan: Hey, spaghetti, we’re having Powers for dinner. Soos: What is wrong with you people? Ford: Shut up, chocolate.

Powers: ARE YOU- Soos: F-----g. Powers: KIDDING ME?! YOU- Soos: F-----g. Powers: IDIOT! Stan: …What was that? Soos: Ford banned Powers from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

Stan: We might have gotten into a bar room brawl back in the city. Soos: Well, that was entirely predictable. Stan: One of them punched a gang member. Soos: Ford? Stan: Powers, actually. Soos: Oh, that was going to be my second guess.

Soos: about Powers and Stan They make a cute couple, huh? Ford: They certainly are standing next to each other.

Soos: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Powers: That's deep. Ford: That means that ketchup is a smoothie. Powers: That's deeper. Stan: …You guys are idiots.

Stan: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. Soos: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. Powers: A realist sees a freight train. Ford: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

In a horror movie situation Soos: I've got no service in my phone here. Stan: Shoot, my battery just died. Ford: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer. Powers: Guys, my phone is a book.

Powers: You know guys, sometimes I feel like Ford doesn't take me seriously enough. Stan: "Sometimes"? Soos: "Enough"? Powers: Soos: Change that to 'at all' and we'll talk.

Ford: You guys worried about Stan? Powers: Totally! Soos: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Ford: And what'd you say? Soos: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." Powers: Ford: He's lucky to have you as a friend.

Soos, watching Powers & Stan panic: What's going on? Ford: Powers is having a midlife crisis and Stan is just having a crisis.

Soos: points at Ford A human turtleneck, points at Stan a narcissistic monster, points at Powers and literally the dumbest person I’ve ever met. Powers: And who am I? Describe me now.

Ford: That's ridiculous, Powers doesn't have a crush on me. Soos: Yes they do. Stan: Yes they do. Powers: Yes I do.

Ford: I'm bored. Soos: Wanna commit first degree murder? Ford: Sure! Stan, hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Put Powers down!!

Soos: Hey, I say we go down there, kick Powers’s door in, and let him know that we’re in town. Ford: That ain’t the way we do things here. We may have to go in there and run a con, drop a bug, do the smooth talking. Soos: Okay, you come with me, you do the smooth talking, let’s go. Ford: No, we just can’t go in there and kick down Powers’s door. We need a plan. Soos: Well who makes the plans? Ford: Stan. Soos: Stan, what's the plan? Stan: You guys are gonna go down there, kick Powers’s door in, let him know you’re in town.

The gang when they drop food on the floor Ford: Aw man. Throws it away Soos: Five second rule! Stan: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? Eats it off the floor Powers: Sobs on the floor

Stan: I just want someone to take me out. Soos: On a date? Ford: With a sniper gun? Powers: Both if you're not a coward.

Soos: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos. Stan: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard. Powers: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos? Ford: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Stan: When I see really attractive people like Soos, I just laugh because I know if we lived in the Aztec culture, they'd be sacrificed for their beauty. Ford: I mean, that's one way to cope with not being attractive. Powers: Works for me.

Ford: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective? Powers: crouches down Soos: kneels down Stan: sits on the floor Ford: Ford: I hate all of you.

Powers, setting down a card: Ace of spades. Ford, pulling out an Uno card: +4. Soos, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you! Stan, trembling: What are we playing?!

Tracey: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world! Stan: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment. Soos: More or less, I guess… Ford: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that! Quattro: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept. Powers: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

Soos: If you got arrested what would be the charges? Tracey: Theft. Powers: Disturbing the peace. Quattro: Aggravated assault. Stan: Arson. Ford: All of the above. In that order, probably.

Ford: Christmas lights? Powers: Check. Soos: Thermos of hot cocoa? Powers: Check. Tracey: Santa suits? Powers: Check. Stan: Shovel? Powers: Check. Quattro: Alibi and bail money? Powers: Check- wait, WHAT?!

Stan: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life. Powers: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back… Quattro: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this. Tracey: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years. Soos: I knew I lost that potential somewhere. Ford: Mental stability, my old friend! Stan: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Powers: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier. Powers: Violently practices. Quattro: Violently studies. Soos: Violently sleeps. Stan: Violently shoots pictures. Tracey: Violently boxes. Ford: Violently murders people. Soos: Violently worries about the previous statement.

Stan, to the Squad: I’d die for you. Ford: Then perish. Quattro: You will. Tracey: Please don’t. Soos: Cool. Powers: I’d die for you first.

Powers: Is it still visible? Where Tracey slapped me? Ford: Your face looks like a don't walk signal. Stan: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box. Soos: A palm reader could tell Tracey 's future by looking at your face. Quattro: The phrase 'talk to teh hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face. Powers: …A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.

Powers: Fine! Judge all you want but… Powers, points at Stan: Married a lesbian. Powers, points at Quattro: Left a man at the altar. Powers, points at Ford: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer. Powers, points at Soos: Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire. Powers, points at Tracey: Lives in a box!

Tracey: Stressed. Ford: Depressed. Soos: Possessed. Powers: Obsessed. Quattro: Impressed. Stan: Chicken breast. Everyone: …What? Stan: I just wanted to join in.

Powers, rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarette. Quattro: But Powers, we don't smoke. Powers: Cut the crap, Quattro . I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke. Powers: points at Stan One! points at Soos Two! *points at Tracey * Three! points at Ford Four! *points at Quattro * Five! Powers: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette between these two fingers! Ford: puts a cigarette in Powers's hand Powers: Thank you. …Light? The Squad: all simultaneously pull out lighters

Tracey: Rules were made to be broken. Powers: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Stan: Uh, piñatas. Soos: Glow sticks. Quattro: Karate boards. Ford: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Tracey: Rules. Powers:

Quattro: So, did everyone learn their lesson? Ford: No. Soos: I did not. Powers: I may have actually forgotten one. Stan: Also no. Quattro: Oh good, neither did I. Tracey: Exhausted sigh

Soos: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Stan and Ford's convo? Powers: Me. I'm in the laundry basket. Quattro: I'm in the washing machine. Tracey: I'm in the closet. Powers: We accept you Tracey . <3 Tracey: No I'm literally in the closet. Powers: Love is love. <3

Stan: We have a problem. Tracey: Let me guess, you caused it? Quattro: Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet. Ford: And it's another Tuesday, your point? Soos: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up. Powers: If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.

Powers: Between Tracey, Soos, Stan, and Quattro -- if you had to -- who would you punch? Ford: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them. Powers: Stan? Ford: Yeah, but I don't know why.

Ford: I’m the smartest person in my friend group. Tracey: You hang out with Powers, Soos, Quattro, and Stan. Tracey: It’s not as high a compliment as you think.

Stan: Time for plan G. Quattro: Don’t you mean plan B? Stan: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Soos: What about plan D? Stan: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Tracey: What about plan E? Stan: I’m hoping not to use it. Ford dies in plan E. Powers: I like plan E.

Ford: dies Tracey: Timer starts now! When is he coming back? I say two months! Quattro: Bulls--t. One month. Soos: Nah, half a month. Powers, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? FORD JUST DIED! Stan, scratching chin in thought: One week.

after the Squad has been separated for a few years Powers: So what have you been up to recently? Quattro: Leading a revolution with Soos. Powers: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob. Quattro: nods Oh, how cool! That's awesome! Powers: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? Stan? Quattro: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. Ford? Powers: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break him out later. Tracey? Quattro: Cult leader. Powers: Yeah, that sounds about right.