#I’m not loaded people just like to give me things idk man
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canisvesperus · 7 months ago
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I think my Eridan shrine is worth something close to like $400. He would be very happy to hear that…
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astonmartinii · 1 month ago
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day six: not so home for christmas | oscar piastri social media au
pairing: oscar piastri x fem reader
oscar and y/n are having their first christmas in monaco because of a snow storm, unfortunately this also means they're now hosting most of the grid as well.
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
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yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris and 137,094 others
tagged: oscarpiastri
yourusername: thanks a lot snow storm :( i guess it's our first ever christmas here in monaco
view all comments
user1: yall global warming might just be real
user2: you're only just realising it now ?
charles_leclerc: you kids and your complaining - a white christmas in monaco, what more could you want?
yourusername: a christmas at home with our families?
charles_leclerc: families? when you're in your adopted father-in-law's home city, i'd watch your tone if i were you
oscarpiastri: if you think of your kids as often as you say then you should be worried that your aussie son is going to FREEZE to death :(
charles_leclerc: if it's the bbq you crave, you can still do that?
yourusername: it's snowing? and he is NOT bringing our bbq inside
charles_leclerc: okay jeez, not much christmas spirit here i see
oscarpiastri: we miss our families, sue us
user3: wait... if they couldn't get out of nice... who else couldn't
user4: the storm kicked in like a day ago right?
user5: based on instagram activity, my guess is that max, lando, ollie (idk why he was in monaco anyway), kimi (i think he's attached to ollie), alex (and lily) and george
user6: i know it would never happen but wouldn't it be so cute if we got a grid christmas dinner
yourusername: please don't give them any ideas
oscarpiastri: i only just got rid of them 😩
landonorris: so, just out of interest, is y/n still free to maybe wrap my presents for me?
yourusername: do i look like the christmas fairy to you?
landonorris: well i know for a fact that oscar's ass was not wrapping those presents
oscarpiastri: well y/n actually likes doing things for me soooooo
landonorris: PLEASE Y/N I'LL HAVE TO RESORT TO USING TIN FOIL
yourusername: tin foil... please you are a 25 year old man
landonorris: does it look like i'm a man who has sellotape in his house?
yourusername: no.
user7: y/n is like a full time mum to a load of men all older than her
user8: she better get ready to cook for them at christmas because none of these men can cook for themselves
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oscarpiastri
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 692,108 others
tagged: yourusername & landonorris
oscarpiastri: i'm not sure how this went from our lonely christmas away from both of our families to babysitting half of the grid but what the hell, sure
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user10: i personally blame all of you for this
user11: and what??? i'm so excited
user12: i hope they post nothing more just to spite your ass
charles_leclerc: i’m kinda offended no one thought of coming to mine :/
maxverstappen1: you’re shit at cooking
charles_leclerc: how would you know?
maxverstappen1: i saw it in your vlog
charles_leclerc: you watch my vlogs???
maxverstappen1: NO?
yourusername: okay queens stop flirting and get back to your stations in the kitchen
charles_leclerc: can we flirt there?
yourusername: if you're still peeling - knock yourselves out
user13: y/n basically confirming lestappen? wow christmas DID come early this year
user14: the real question is why she would let those menaces in the kitchen?
yourusername: i have seen how much these people eat, i need help even from the useless
yourusername: also if they want certain dishes from home they have to help
maxverstappen1: i am CORING AS MANY APPLES AS I CAN I PROMISE THE APPLE BEIGNETS WILL BE WORTH IT
oscarpiastri: i know they will be, y/n is making them
maxverstappen1: okay buddy, i don't see you helping
oscarpiastri: i am keeping everyone else in line, that's a full time job as well
user15: who made the youngest couple in charge of these fools?
user16: a comedic genius
yourusername: they're annoying but i'll deal with them for you
oscarpiastri: you make such sacrifices for me, i love you
yourusername: i love you more
alexalbon: we're really not that bad you guys are being dramatic
yourusername: george walked up to our mantle piece, pointed at my baby picture and said "ugly. my condolences" ?
alexalbon: that's george ? he's mean to everyone
yourusername: HE'S IN THAT BABY'S HOUSE
olliebearman
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liked by charles_leclerc, estebanocon and 418,934 others
tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri & kimiantonelli
olliebearman: first christmas with my big brother :))))
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user17: yall be on oscar about him holding onto the leclerc family joke but the real enemy is ollie
olliebearman: i think it's cute
olliebearman: and it's NOT a joke
user18: you know what? yeah i'd also keep going with the joke i need to get in that leclerc family
olliebearman: the real catch here is y/n she's going to teach me to crochet :)
yourusername: we can make little bear mans !!!
user19: the grid dad stuff was cringey... but grid brother well that's hitting like crack i fear
charles_leclerc: grid dads are cringey ??? count your days
user19: sorry?
charles_leclerc: i (and my family) will NOT tolerate sebastian vettel slander. not now not EVER
fernandoalo_oficial: and me?
charles_leclerc: i couldn't give a fuck about you old man
fernandoalo_oficial: excuse me
fernandoalo_oficial: i'll have you know i am just as much oscar's father as you are
charles_leclerc: and how have you come to that OBVIOUSLY WRONG conclusion
fernandoalo_oficial: WELL i don't know maybe his REAL grid dad is actually mark webber who i have a well documented homoerotic relationship with and therefore oscar and most importantly Y/N are my children
charles_leclerc: what a load of bullshit
charles_leclerc: if grid children were based on homoerotic tension then i'd be father to all of the red bull juniors and max would have custody of the FDA
maxverstappen1: well....
pepemarti: hi !!!
dinobeganovic: hey.....
yourusername: what happened to the original plot of the movie
user20: i think the cabin fever is getting to them
lilymunhe: no they're like this all of the time it's exhausting
yourusername: tell me about it
olliebearman: but not me :(
yourusername: no we love you
oscarpiastri: you are the least annoying one
olliebearman: omg thank you :3
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yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, alexalbon and 163,207 others
tagged: oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc & landonorris
yourusername: not so home for christmas but with family nonetheless
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user22: what was the dress code here?
landonorris: what we had left? all the dry cleaners are closed because of the storm
yourusername: you take ALL of your clothes to the dry cleaners?
landonorris: why wouldn't i do that...
yourusername: yk what, whatever !
user23: omg of course leo was there as well
yourusername: we only invited charles for him
charles_leclerc: excuse me?
landonorris: he was invited ????
oscarpiastri: well he was staying in monaco anyway and you guys all invoked your squatters rights in my house so what was one more
landonorris: i am not squatting? my ass is already big enough as it is
yourusername: i know your ass is big because YOU'RE ALWAYS SAT ON IT
oscarpiastri: god i love you
yourusername: i love you even more
oscarpiastri: nuh uh not possible
yourusername: i love you so much i'm not even that angry about half of the grid crashing our christmas
oscarpiastri: i love you so much that i personally barged a child out of the way to get you your eras tour merch
yourusername: i do love my merch.... but not as much as i love you
oscarpiastri: you're so romantic
georgerussell63: right that's it, i am SICK of you people pretending you are not enjoying our presence
yourusername: did i or did i not say family ???
oscarpiastri: george i'd appreciate if you didn't talk to y/n this way
maxverstappen1: yeah back the fuck off
georgerussell63: why is max here?
maxverstappen1: ummmm y/n busted her ass to make apple beignets for me so i had some netherlands with me at christmas so i would die for her. i am somwhat fond of oscar as well
maxverstappen1: so fuck with them, you fuck with me
maxverstappen1: and you seem to like doing that recently
yourusername: awwww thanks max!
oscarpiastri: we are fond of you too buddy
georgerussell63: how did i lose this?
user24: max out here getting wags on his side
maxverstappen1: that's my ma
maxverstappen1: wait that makes my homoerotic tension with charles incest
maxverstappen1: that's my home girl
oscarpiastri
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liked by landonorris, jackdoohan and 1,094,577 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: y/n absolutely smashed our makeshift grid christmas and she said she'll accept thanks in qualifying tows or easy passes on track 👍
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user25: oh they want me dead
user26: i would do questionable things to get a slice of that cake
user27: drop the recipe please xxx
yourusername: oh babe i be following the tiktoks like the rest of yall - i'll repost it
user28: woman of the people
yourusername: babe i don't really remember saying those exact words...
oscarpiastri: PLEASE ! they don't say no to you now you've filled their stomachs
landonorris: he's not wrong
maxverstappen1: you're in my will now
charles_leclerc: you're now my favourite daughter in law
yourusername: i'm your only daughter in law?
charles_leclerc: idk kimi and ollie are pretty attached with their weird tension
landonorris: like father like son
charles_leclerc: huh?
landonorris: huh?
oscarpiastri: ^^ see !!!! y/n please !!!
yourusername: fine.
yourusername: thank you all for coming, i hope you enjoyed dinner and your time with us. i loved spending time with you all but if you wish, i will be accepting thanks in the form of qualifying tows and easy passes for oscar or pornstar martinis from any hospitality
yourusername: happy?
oscarpiastri: yes
oscarpiastri: YOU HEARD THE WOMAN GUYS
maxverstappen1: oh i love y/n but i'd rather put you in the wall than let that ugly orange car past without a fight
georgerussell63: @fia i told yall
yourusername: are you ever gonna give that up ?
georgerussell63: no? and i KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO SAT ME NEXT TO HIM AT DINNER
yourusername: you'll never prove it :P
user29: oscar is such a sassy man
yourusername: he gets it from his momma
oscarpiastri: and you :)
yourusername: i will say your ability to watch my reality tv with you is a big factor in how much i love you
landonorris: is that why oscar once woke me up the night before a race by shouting "get her ass lisa" ???
oscarpiastri: we watch real housewives together on facetime :)
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charles_leclerc
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liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55 and 1,130,672 others
tagged: yourusername & oscarpiastri
charles_leclerc: i made the right choice in son and most importantly daughter in law
view all comments
user31: okay the cinnamon buns have thrown me over the edge now
user32: i NEED to know who asked for them
alexalbon: guilty 💅 and they slapped thanks y/m
oscarpiastri: we've been dating for years? like when i was still in f3?
charles_leclerc: semantics
oscarpiastri: no i met and charmed y/n all on my own thank you very much
charles_leclerc: because she saw the future and the potential of our prosperous family !!!
oscarpiastri: at this point, whatever you wanna hear old man
charles_leclerc: relegated below ollie
olliebearman: score !!!
user33: oh these people are never letting this joke die are they
user34: i think we're stuck with it
charles_leclerc: are you people sick of whimsy ???
charles_leclerc: i am ALLOWED to flex my son's amazing choice in women, especially a woman who will make me a swiss roll on demand
yourusername: he does have amazing taste
oscarpiastri: thank you :3
yourusername: as much as you guys were somewhat annoying, we had an amazing christmas xx
oscarpiastri: please do not bother us until march
charles_leclerc: fine. but we're still on for the double date in melbourne?
charles_leclerc: (maybe triple? idk ollie can just bring kimi)
kimiantonelli: score !!!
yourusername: we would love to !
oscarpiastri: i guess you could meet my actual family ?
charles_leclerc: not now oscar, let me enjoy chritmas with you all before you remind me of that
oscarpiastri: okay?
user35: y/n and oscar actually have the patience of saints because if these clowns crashed my christmas i'd be on the news
yourusername: any christmas is perfect with him
oscarpiastri: with y/n, i can get through even the most annoying people
user35: okay yall didn't have to flex on me that hard damn
fin.
note: here's day six! i'm not sure if you guys saw my update post but this series won't be done by christmas day but will stretch to NYE because unfortunately my cat has to be put down :( i've had him for nearly 19 years and it's really hard to think about him being gone so i'm just spending as much time as possible with him atm. anyway, i hope you enjoyed !! xx
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sweetiepoison · 8 months ago
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Famous Baby (Social Media Blurb)
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It all started with posts you added to your instagram story. Your fans immediately began flooding your dms with questions about why you’re in Toronto.
You of course have friends that live in the city but since speculation has begun about you and a certain NHL player, it’s hard to believe you’re there just visiting friends.
Some news outlets started reporting that you were in Toronto with Shawn, “rekindling” your relationship. They used the fact that you went to his show months before and pictures taken of the two of you at the Drew House party.
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You post two more pictures to your insta story during the leafs game which had everyone going crazy.
Fan#1: (y/n) really said let me make it clear who my man is
Fan#2: No fr, the Matthews jersey in the second pic she posted like girl….you aren’t being subtle
Fan#3: (y/n) as a wag is what 2024 needed
-> Fan#4: Can you imagine being a wag for the leafs and now (y/f/n) (y/l/n) is also one and you get to hang out with her!
->Fan#5: She would be the ultimate wag!
Fan#6: Steph Marner posted a picture of the game to her insta story and she tagged (y/n)
->Fan#7: STOP! Mitch and Auston are best friends and now we’ll get (y/n) and Steph as best friends!
Fan#8: apparently some fans went up to her during the game and she was super sweet and took pictures
->Hater#1: people were saying she wasn’t wearing his jersey like that’s so unsupportive
->Fan#9: She doesn’t need to wear his jersey to be supportive like gtfo 😤
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@yourusername: Lover girl 💙🤍
Load more comments….
Fan#1: I know ya’ll also saw Auston’s post 👀
->Fan#2: They aren’t even trying to hide it
->Fan#3: fr the matching captions, the hearts being the leafs colors…might as well just tell us
Fan#4: I’m so happy that she’s happy!
Fan#5: I know that tattooed arm!!
Mitchmarner: Just move here already
->yourusername: Can I stay at your place?
->Mitchmarner: yeah you can sleep between Steph and I
->stephmarner: she’s actually taking your spot in our bed 🤷‍♀️
-> yourusername: say less…bags are packed
Fan#6: NOOO!!! It should be you and Harry!! If you ever loved him you would get back together
->Fan#7: Can people move on and accept reality like it’s so weird
->Fan#8: I loved her and Harry, but obviously it wasn’t meant to be and we can’t bash her for moving on with her life
Yourbff#1: It’s giving soft launch
Youbff#2: It’s giving my man my man my man
->yourusername: You two will always be my #1’s no matter what 💖
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@AustonMatthews: Lover boy 😮‍💨
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Fan#1: Alexa play that should be me
->Fan#2: Idk who I want to be more Auston or (y/n)
->Fan#3: No bc you are so real for that
Fan#4: It has to be (y/n), she’s worn those sweats before during tour rehearsals
Fan#6: oh he’s down bad for her
->Morganrielly: horrendously bad
Mitchmarner: World’s biggest simp
->Fan#7: the confirmation we’re getting from all their friends in the comments is crazy 🤯
->Fan#8: no literally there was probably a pr meeting they were supposed to attend and obviously no one showed up 💀😭
Hater#1: this is gonna be terrible for his game, she’s just gonna be a distraction
->Fan#9: she literally has a whole life and career outside of him. Like she doesn’t even have the time to be a distraction
->Fan#10: she’s the best distraction to have
->Fan#11: tell me your a hater and desperate without telling me your a hater
Fan#12: Kinda random, but I love that their styles compliment each other
->Fan#13: I was thinking the same thing! I love the lowkey matching
Fan#14: I love that (y/n) was trying to be subtle and Auston was like “no I’m showing off my girl”
Fan#15: hand her back to @harrystyles
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Multi-Grammy winning pop star, (y/f/n) (y/l/n) and NHL superstar, Auston Matthews have fans speculating (and fangirling) about a possible romance between the two. While we haven’t seen a picture of the two together, back and forth posts across social media platforms have fans suspecting there might be something more than friendship there.
It’s believed the two met through mutual friend, Justin Bieber. And while we don’t know exactly when it’s clear they started becoming closer at the beginning of this year, starting with the NHL all star games. (Y/n) attended the weekend in Toronto with friends to support Bieber who was a celebrity captain alongside Matthews.
The 7 Rings singer who has been on her world tour since the summer took a break before going overseas and seems to have spent a majority of that break in Toronto.
(Y/n) posted on her instagram story at a Toronto Maple Leafs game this past weekend as they took on the Edmonton Oilers at Scotiabank arena. One post in particular caught fans eyes. At first glance it’s simple enough, a glass of wine at the game, but fans focused on the fact that also featured in the picture was a fan in front of her with a Matthews jersey on, possible a tribute to her new relationship.
When asked about (y/l/n)’s attendance following his 2 point game, Mathew’s gave up very little info. “Yeah she decided to come to a game, but so did a few thousand other people.” Auston continued, “She’s an extremely popular celebrity who is insanely talented so I’m not surprised she received a lot of attention.”
He shut down further conversation about the pair’s relationship status by saying, “I’m not going to talk about my personal life. I know what you want me to say, but it’s not my place to speak for or about her without her permission.” When asked by another reporter if (y/l/n) reached out to him about his goals or the teams win he responded, “And that’s gonna wrap it up here” ending the press conference altogether.
Later in the week the two posted to Instagram within hours of each other and fans pointed out that many of the pictures are similar. (Y/n)’s post included a boat ride featuring the Toronto skyline. Auston was a little bit more bold as his post also included a boat ride with the Toronto skyline and kissing girl but her face can’t be seen. They also had similar captions with (y/n)’s being “lover girl” and Auston’s being “lover boy”.
While they are giving away very little, we along with the rest of the world are excited about this possibly new couple.
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etoileee · 1 month ago
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OMG A BATFAM SHIFTER IM LOSING IT RN. This might be a weird thing to ask and idk if it’s gonna make sense but can you tell us a bit about how your brothers are in your dr but like how they speak and stuff? like introverted or extroverted? how are they like in conversation? I know this is a bit of a loaded question sorry 😅
don’t worry you’re good! I’ll probably make posts about all of them individually going in depth but I hope I can answer your questions well enough to satisfy you! 😭
y’know, I call them assholes and dumbasses (as one does with their siblings) but I’ll admit to the fact that they are actually very proper gentlemen when it counts. bruce has them MANNERED. lots of “yes ma’am” and “yes sir” to anyone that’s older, service workers, basically everyone else they aren’t close to.
I think the way I’m going to go about this is give you some info about how they are, things they say, and in what context (hopefully all of this will make sense)
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— RICHARD GRAYSON
out of all of them, he’s the most friendly and talkative, I’d say. I don’t know if you guys will know what I’m referencing but there’s this video of the weeknd talking backstage with fans and he’s like SUPER friendly and chatting up a storm and everyone in the comments is like “his friendly ahh” and “you can tell bro is canadian” THATS WHAT DICK REMINDED ME OF WHEN I FIRST SHIFTED LMAO people are usually pretty in shocked about how well spoken all of them are. that and with dick they are amused at the fact that he’s actually a sweetheart
his sense of humor is making people laugh but if you don’t he takes it personally and starts to tweak out a bit
things that dick has said that I think about often;
“…I know that hurts” *is watching me practice being en point”
*talking to a group of people and making them laugh*, *turns to look at me with a mischievous ass smile*, *mouths* “I’m good at this shit”
“why are you so fucking negative all the time? gimmie a lil toothy grin” *he says to a very grumpy and sleepy jason before being slapped*
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— JASON TODD
him and tim are the most introverted ones in my dr. one thing about jason is he don’t give a damn LMFAO
not to say that he’s rude, he’s not (not unprovoked) but if we are in a social setting he doesn’t really talk unless spoken to, simply because he probably doesn’t care and is not interested in what is happening and would rather zone out or talk to somebody he does know and is close with. of course if someone he doesn’t know very well speaks to him he will be very respectful but he wont force himself to be overly talkative and go out of his way to be very friendly (again he’s not rude, just only has enough social battery to be a gentleman most of the time.)
blunt, dry ass humor that I appreciate very much. one of my favorite things about him is HE SWEARS SO GOOD IT MAKES ME GIGGLE
things that jason has said that I think about often;
“I didn’t give a fuck yesterday, I didn’t give a fuck today, and I’m probably not gonna give a fuck tomorrow”
*watches me, tim, and dick build the notre dame lego from the dark stairs in the foyer looking like a weirdo and menacing as hell* “…can I help?”
“don’t piss me off” - his favorite things to say
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— TIM DRAKE
a true ambivert. as I mentioned he and jason are the most introverted but tim will talk to anyone that will listen tbh. he could go on and on about certain topics and honestly I really like to hear him speak because he is so well spoken and passionate about certain things. all of them are pretty well articulated but he is the most well articulated. he’s the more quiet sweetheart of the family that’s also a NERD. if you do speak to him, just know he will absolutely give his heart and soul into that conversation
he has very clever humor (he kind of reminds me of like an english man) that you honestly might not get if you don’t know anyone like him and if you don’t understand what he said he’s like “oh okay…” awkward as hell
things that tim has said that I think about often;
*us watching a korean movie together* “did you know that korean is one of the most isolated languages in the world?”
*Burce complimenting damian* “yeah he’s got a face for radio” - tim
“what the hell that have to do with the tea prices in china?”
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— DAMIAN WAYNE
the most unserious, chaos causing mf EVER. he’s also one of the more extroverted people in the family up there with dick. dick is the more charming friendly one and damian is like… I don’t even know. of course he is still respectful but he’s the least formal out of everyone. he’s more worried about having a fun conversation and not one with forced formal wording. for example if someone calls him “mister wayne” he’s like “ew please call me damian”. I’ve also heard people say things like “you can tell he’s the youngest brother” and yeah tbh he’s fun and annoying. what else could you want?
his humor is quoting spongebob
things that damian has said that I think about often;
“THIS IS SO LUXXXX” *he yells as he tries on bruces rolex*
*awkward ass silence anywhere* “imagine all the peopleeeeee” (he kinda serves vocals during this tbh)
“MY DIET DOCTOR KELP?” *damian yells in disbelief in the car since he didn’t get his doctor pepper from the drive thru*
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babydollmarauders · 1 year ago
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MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (23-24 SZN PART 14)
au masterlist
notes: this is short and i apologize, but i’ve had an extremely busy day and didn’t have much time to write but i wanted to get this out before tonight’s game!
y/ndevils00
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liked by trevorzegras, tmeier96, and 308,619 others
y/ndevils00 WE’VE TAMED THE WILD!
SEE YOU AGAIN NEXT SEASON, MINI-SODA!
tonight, my (and hopeful your) favorite boys in white and red, won the second game in our back to back games with the Wild! making us 2/2 in our games against them this season!
we had a great FIVE goals tonight compared to mini’s measly three! i’m incredibly proud of all 4 of our goals scorers, AND the magical puck that flew into the net on its own about 15 minutes into the first! that was insane, am i right?!
and even more exciting, we only had TWO penalties tonight! 🥹 they’re finally listening to me!
my lil rabid chihuahua almost got into a fight tonight, which would’ve solidified his rabid status! but alas, he did not, and Timo the Train stepped in to defend him— which both spoiled my fun and saved me from heart failure; i’m not sure whether to be mad or grateful, so i’ve decided to be both! never limit your emotions, kids! be dramatic! i promise, it’s fun!
babygirl DID, however, draw a penalty on one of his former bffl’s, moldy boldy, for interference! which took us to the power play and secured dougie’s fantastic goal tonight— which was assisted by none other than the man who snores in my ear every night! giving him his 20TH POINT OF THE SEASON!! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU, MY LOVE! I’M GONNA KISS YOUR FACE!
tagged holtz_10, tmeier96, lhughes_06, jackhughes, jesperbratt, dougieham, and vitacz15
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lhughes_06 before you say it: i’m not gossiping. i fell.
y/ndevils00 that sounds like something someone that was gossiping would say
lhughes_06 then what would someone who WASN’T gossiping say?
y/ndevils00 idk, i’ve never NOT gossiped. and usually you gossip with me
jackhughes i have so many comments on this, idek where to start
y/ndevils00 you could start by telling me you love me? 🥰
jackhughes mhm i love you- why rabid? why chihuahua? why the snoring? please never call him “moldy boldy” again
y/ndevils00 i love you too! because you’re a bit feral sometimes! you’re tiny and yappy! i felt like it was pertinent information! i will.
jackhughes I’M TALLER THAN YOU! (wtf does “pertinent” mean?)
y/ndevils00 WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?! (relevant, baby! it means relevant!)
dawson1417 i didn’t do it :(
y/ndevils00 NEXT GAME!
dawson1417 next game!
john.marino97 are you guys just gonna do this after every game until dawson gets a point?
y/ndevils00 @/john.marino97 we’re bound to be right eventually! next game!
john.marino97 i guess i can’t argue with that logic… next game!
tmeier96 i did that for your own good. i could not risk him getting hurt because then you’d be sad
y/ndevils00 but a fight would’ve been entertaining!! if you’re gonna prevent a fight then you have to at least have one of your own! those be the rules!
tmeier96 i’ll keep that in mind??
nicohischier thanks for facetiming me and giving me a play-by-play run down of every single thing that happened
nicohischier i think i could’ve gone without the jack comments though
y/ndevils00 wdym? you DIDN’T want me to tell you how hot he looked? that’s YOUR boyfriend too, ya know!
nicohischier nope. i can guarantee it’s not!
y/ndevils00 i have photographic evidence
nicohischier pictures of us hugging to celebrate a win or goal is not “evidence”
y/ndevils00 i have about 475,000 people who think otherwise
nicohischier your followers don’t count
y/ndevils00 i have about 2* people who think otherwise
nicohischier neither do merc or johnny
y/ndevils00 *i* think otherwise
ehaula i wouldn’t necessarily say we started listening to you, i think we just did pretty good at staying out of the box this game
y/ndevils00 why do you do this? do you not wanna be my favorite uncle?
ehaula i’m your favorite uncle regardless. don’t lie.
trevorzegras go hughesy! that’s my best friend!
y/ndevils00 yeah? well he’s MY boyfriend, so HA!
trevorzegras this wasn’t a competition, y/n. you don’t need to assert your dominance
y/ndevils00 sorry, i had a nightmare last night
trevorzegras about what?
jackhughes that i realized i was in love with your “slutty ways” and i left her for you
trevorzegras aww, y/n! you’re intimidated by me and jack’s love!
y/ndevils00 i actually just know you’re a slut
trevorzegras all i’m hearing is that you’re jealous of me
y/ndevils00 then get your ears checked
213 notes · View notes
seokgyuu · 1 year ago
Note
idk what the other heathens (affectionate) have asked for but i just think it’s neat how serious and cute seokmin gets when he’s kissing you. like he holds your face as he’s kissing you deep and slowly and he’ll mumble in between each one about how he loves you and he’d constantly have eye contact and look between your lips and eyes and i just… really wanna make out with him
- nova (it’s not really a request BUT FOOD FOR THOUGHT hehe)
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a/n: well hello there nova <3 this turned out a bit different than what you asked for, but i hope its still fine!! literally just went with the flow of making out with seokmin.. hehe. kinda liked the idea of him being a loser that just happens to be an absolute ace when it comes to making out *giggles*. let me know what you think!
TITLE: sweet, sweeter, seokmin's kisses
PAIRING: Seokmin(DK) x Fem!Reader
GENRE: frat au (just mentioned that they are in a frat lmao)
WARNINGS: mentions of drinking alcohol, loads of kissing, it is suggestive but no smut, still MDNI!
WORDCOUNT: 1.4k
TAGS: @honeykyeom, @onlyseokmins, @playmetheclassics, @the-boy-meets-evil, @dkakapizzaboy my fellow dk ferals <3
Playing Truth or Dare was so Middle School. Not that that stopped anyone from playing it at Jihoon’s birthday party. 
You were seated cross legged next to Chan, a beer in your hand that surely had reached room temperature by now. Wonwoo was the one doing a dare for fifteen minutes, still counting. He had been dared to call his first girlfriend and tell her he wanted her back (which was absolutely infuriating and manipulative and horrible, but you were surrounded by a bunch of frat dudes who didn’t know boundaries) and she still hadn’t picked up. Why he kept on trying, you didn’t know. Perhaps he really wanted her back.
“Just leave a message, what the fuck,” you finally breathed out, face in a frown and the circle of dudes all turned to look at you. God damnit, why did their frat have to be the most unpopular on campus and why were you the only one feeling enough pity for them to actually come to their lame ass parties? 
“But then we won’t get to see her reaction!” Soonyoung protested, but you groaned and shook your head at him.
“Okay, and? I’m pretty positive she’ll call him back once she sees the thirty missed calls, Soon.” 
To that, none of them had a response. Soonyoung exchanged looks with Wonwoo and Seokmin, and finally decided to give in. Sighing in relief, you relaxed against the couch behind you, watching Wonwoo spin the bottle this time. It spun for a good thirteen seconds before it stopped - pointing at Seokmin. He, as confident as always, with a huge grin on his face said: “Dare!”
Maybe you should have seen it coming. The round had been going on for way too long for no one to be dared to kiss you - the only girl at this joke of a party. The thing was, Seokmin wasn’t ugly. More so the opposite. He could have been a campus heartthrob if only he hadn’t decided to join this fraternity. SVT was a sad example of how frats can become unpopular when they get led by the wrong people. And while Seungcheol, the leader since this semester, tried his very best to get their reputation up - it hadn’t worked just yet. So, yeah, Seokmin was handsome and buff and hot and all that. But he was Seokmin. He was silly and goofy and laughed a little too loud and always tried to cheer everyone up even when no one wanted him to. Thinking about it now, it did sound kind of nice of him. Still. Did you want to kiss him? Not really.
“I dare you to kiss Y/N! But not just a peck, like full on kiss kiss her!” Wonwoo grinned and your mouth dropped open.
“What the fuck is kiss kiss supposed to mean?!” You asked, and Wonwoo shrugged
“You’ll figure it out!”
Taking a deep breath, trying your hardest not to once again yell at the man with the round glasses on top of his nose, you finally looked at Seokmin, who’s eyes seemed to be just as wide as humanly possible. 
“D-Do you mind?” He stuttered out and because you weren’t a buzz kill, you shook your head and put your cup down, uncrossing your leg and instead crouching over to him. 
“Just kiss me and shut up,” you mumbled and Seokmin visibly swallowed, his eyes gazing from your eyes to your lips and then, finally, he leaned forward, pressing his mouth against yours. 
At first, you were confused. Because why the hell did his lips feel so soft? Never in your two years of knowing this man had you seen him use chapstick. Seokmin kissed the way he smiled. Warm. And sweet. And somehow better than anyone you had ever kissed. Almost automatically, your eyes fell shut and your hands landed on his cheeks as you slowly sat up, taking him with you. He kissed you deeper then, his hands on the small of your back and when he parted your lips with his own and let his tongue slide into your heat, you almost felt like moaning. It wasn’t necessarily because you were turned on but because he was just so good at this. 
“Okay, okay! Damn, get a room!” Chan had thrown his empty solo cup at your head and you had, with a strange sense of sadness in your heart, separated from Seokmin. Or at least your lips separated because your hands were still on his cheeks and his were still on your back. For a few seconds you just stared at each other, blinking away and then you were back on your place on the floor, head buzzing and heart thumping. 
What had just happened? Seokmin’s taste still lingered on your lips, on your tongue. It left you breathless, left your stomach doing flips over and over again and your brain yelling at you to kiss him again because, fuck, how long had it been since you’ve kissed someone and liked it? While the game continued, Seokmin now asking Chan a question after the youngest hast picker Truth over Dare. You allowed your eyes to flicker to Seokmin, seeing the red on his cheek and the way his lips were wet and- 
“Seokmin, I think you wanted to show me something in your room earlier.” 
The words left your mouth before your brain caught up. Chan, who had been in the middle of answering the question you hadn’t even heard, and everyone else in the circle, stared at you. God, you hoped Seokmin got the hint. If he didn’t, this could end up extremely awkward.
Seokmin was also looking at you, eyes back to being big and round and his mouth was hanging open slightly as he seemed to wreck his brain as to when he had said that. But when he saw the look in your eyes, saw the silent pleads, it clicked. His cheeks got even redder.
“O-Oh, yes! Yes, I did. Uhh, I think now is as good as ever to show you! S-sorry guys!”
It was safe to say none of the guys were mad once they caught on what was actually happening (it took them a good five minutes to count one and one together).
You were on top of Seokmin, straddling him, and your arms were locked around his neck while his rested on your back, his lips moving against yours so perfectly it felt like they were two puzzzle pieces designed to fit together. Kissing him was like tasting cotton candy for the first time, like going for a swim on an especially hot summer day. It felt right in all the ways a kiss could. You didn’t even care about the lack of him trying to touch you anywhere else than your back, just happy to feel his lips on yours and to have his tongue occasionally bump against yours. This wasn’t about initiating sex, no, this was something more and still less. Your fingers stroked the back of his head, felt the soft locks and when he giggled against your lips you almost melted. 
“I’m ticklish”, he explained then, the red back on his cheeks and you just nodded, kissing him again, hands moving to his face.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” you mumbled, pressing your lips together. He wrapped his arms around you fully now, hands on your shoulder, and you felt the safest you ever had in anyone’s arms. This was crazy. This was Seokmin. He wasn’t supposed to make you feel this way. You shoved the thought away. It didn’t matter that he was in a bitchless fraternity. From now on you could be his bitch. 
Suddenly, you felt hin smile against your lips and you parted from him even though you didn’t actually want to.
“What’s so funny?” You asked, kissing his cheek. Seokmin chuckled.
“I kind of wanted to kiss you since freshman year.”
“For real?!” Your eyes widened. He nodded.
“Yeah. But when I entered SVT I kind of figured it probably wouldn’t happen.”
“Guess you figured wrong.” The smile on your lips was sincere and you let your hands rest on the sides of his face again. Seokmin smiled warmly, just like he always did.
“I guess so.”
And then he kissed you again, and whenever he stopped to giggle because you tickled him, you could feel yourself fall harder and harder into a Seokmin shaped hole you kind of felt like you couldn’t ever escape again. 
346 notes · View notes
whyse7vn · 1 year ago
Text
FOREVER 24 -
[ot7 x reader]
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NAMKOOK MONTH!!
8 participants - 8 online
———————————
jin: namjoon be honest are you bald by choice?
namjoon: yes
yoongi: pretty shit choice
jk: namjoons bald?
tae: cancer :/
jk: OMG???
y/n: that’s not funny tae
tae: not cancer
jk: oh…
jimin: why do you sound disappointed
namjoon: why wouldn’t it be by choice
yoongi: cuz it’s a shit choice idk
jin: was wondering if tae shaved ur hair off by accident or something
namjoon: why would that ever happen
jk: why would you choose to be bald?
namjoon: it’s hot
y/n: hot as HELL
hobi: drop it like hot
namjoon: i hate summer
y/n: wait
jimin: we’re talking about temperature btw
hobi: not the seventeen song?
y/n: not namjoon?
tae: i’d get him pregnant if i could
y/n: 🙏🏽
jin: what
tae: i’m a man full of love
yoongi: full of shit
tae: some say i over love actually
i overlove
i overthink
i overfeel
❤️
jimin: you underbathe
jk: i love to bathe
hobi: it doesn’t show
y/n: i have to dress jungkook everyday so he doesn’t embarrass me
jin: that’s sad
yoongi: why would the way he dress effect you
y/n: we live in the same house if i let him dress himself some people might suspect child neglect
jk: neglect
namjoon: the worst part about it is that you let her jungkook
tae: what have i told you about standing up for yourself kookie
jk: i enjoy it actually
tae: stop talking
you can’t keep embarrassing me like this
jk: i’m sorry
tae: if you were sorry you would change
jk: i will change
for you i’ll always change
jimin: get a room?
hobi: is it not jungkooks birthday today?
jk: happy birthday 🎂 💜
oh that’s me lmao
jin: idiot
y/n: it’s tomorrow
jk: when she knows ur birthday 😍
tae: when’s mine lol
namjoon: are we having a party?
yoongi: not coming
jimin: let’s have it at yoongi’s place
yoongi: what
can you not read??
y/n: we can have a sleepover party!!!!
that would be so cute
tae: super cute!!
it would also be cute if you told me when my birthday was loool
jin: give up
i’ll bring drinks
namjoon: i can do snacks
jimin: NO YOU WONT
last time you were on snacks you brought us a whole load of plant based crackers
hobi: i can be snack man
y/n: i can decorate yoongi’s place a bit before
yoongi: wtf is wrong with you all
when i don’t open the door to any of you
y/n: i have a key?
yoongi: you do?
y/n: don’t act like you didn’t know
yoongi: idk what ur talking about
that’s pretty scary actually
jimin: get a room pt 2?
tae: let me in the room lol
when was i born @y/n
jk: all of this for me 🥺🥺
jimin: don’t flatter urself i just want to drink
hobi: what about a cake??
namjoon: i can get one
tae: you can just say the month i was born forget the date lmao
jin: how old is he turning?
jk: 26
jimin: 25???
hobi: i thought he was 23?
namjoon: i think it’s 24
yoongi: 1
y/n: he’s been 24 for like 5 years in a row
jin: somone google it
actually nvm i don’t care enough
namjoon just gonna put 24 on the cake
jk: is it a surprise party?
yoongi: are you stupid?
jimin: yes now close ur eyes ok?
jk: ok
hobi: there’s no way
y/n: jungkook…
yoongi: he is stupid
tae: i’ll give you a hint it ends in ember
namjoon: tae shut up
y/n go tell jungkook to open his eyes
jimin: here comes the fun police guys
y/n: sir yes sir 🫡
tae: lol i’m into that
hobi: tae got a really round head
tae: WTF NO I DONT
my head is perfect
jin: no because i was thinking the same thing it’s BIG as hell too
tae: ur wrong
if anything
yoongi’s head is CRAZY ngl
yoongi: why the fuck did you word it like that
y/n: yoongi and tae fucking omg???
jk: plot twist
jin: look who opened his eyes
jk: it’s me lol
he’s talking about me
cuz my eyes were closed
jimin: we know
hobi: open your eyes - 7th sense nct u
y/n: neo got my back 💚
tae: whose neo why is he touching ur back
is this consensual???
can he fight??
namjoon: you all are getting to old to be acting like this still
hobi: wdym jungkook is only 24?
jimin: maybe he’s talking about jin
jin: BACK OFF NAMJOON UR BALD
namjoon: i’m so tried
jk: i bet ironman is tired rn
yoongi: didn’t he die??
jk: you can be tired in heaven as well yoongi
jimin: beyoncé probably tired rn but she still looks pretty what’s ur excuse namjoon
hobi: bald people can’t be pretty
tae: about to cook guys wish me luck
yoongi: kys
tae: what
jk: keep yourself safe?
yoongi: kill yourself
tae: i’m gonna ignore you
y/n: jungkook shake ass on tiktok
jimin: ew
jk: ok
jin: you literally have no backbone jungkook
jk: ummm yes i do
i am no worm
namjoon: 😕
hobi: if she told you to jump off a cliff would you
yoongi: pls
jk: who
y/n: jungkook jump off a cliff
jk: what cliff
where is it
i’ll do it
jimin: not surprised
hobi: i think every year he decreases in age
jin: that makes a lot of sense
tae: i just deep fired an apple
y/n: why
tae: stay tf out my business
y/n: i hope you never see happiness
namjoon: what time is the party btw?
yoongi: never
jk: happy birthday 💜
hobi: we ride out at dawn
tae: should i bring deep fired apples
jin: i don’t even fuck with you all i won’t lie
y/n: do you think nct will perform for us
tae: sausage fest woah
yoongi: there is something really fucking wrong with you
tae: me and ur mother be fucking lol
yoongi: he’s not invited
someone kick him
nvm i’ll do it
yoongi kicked tae from "namkook month!!"
jk: do you think fish get lonely when they’re alone
jin: you think fish have kinks?
hobi: what if fish were behind the titanic crash
jk: what if they were in front of it
y/n: wow that’s insane
jk: ikr sometimes you have to think outside the box
jimin: you think outside the box constantly!
hobi: bro thinks outside the triangle 💀💀
jin: what does that even mean
jk: thanks guys!!!
namjoon: i asked a question
y/n: are we in school rn?
jin: yk i love a good bit of role play 🙈
yoongi: isn’t it better without him
jin: who’s him?
yoongi: exactly
jimin: i’m him
y/n: i could throw up
jk: do you know the muffin man?
namjoon: can we decide on a time pls
jk: OMG
what if we all just show up and see if we’re all in sync with each other
namjoon: that’s stupid
yoongi: i agree i’m not mentally connected to you guys in anyway shape or form
y/n: yoongi’s lying we talk telepathically all the time
jk: YOU DO???
jimin: ….
hobi: i agree with jungkooks idea
wow
never thought i would say that
wow…
sorry give me a minute guys
jk: take all the time you need bro
yoongi: he just insulted you
jk: WHO?????
jimin: i’ll be there at 6
PM btw
jk: i don’t think you understand what we are doing jimin
ur not supposed to tell us
jimin: stop talking to me
namjoon: 6 ok
fucking finally
y/n: dw jk jimin’s a bit yk…
jk: ohhhhh ok
i’m sorry jimin
6 sounds like a plan wink wink lol
jimin: never fucking wink wink lol at me again you rat
hobi added tae to "namkook month!!"
yoongi: do you hate me
hobi: sorry he wouldn’t stop calling me
i don’t like being harassed
tae: hiii guys did you miss me
yoongi: no
yoongi left "namkook month!!"
jin: if i was to ever pass out it would go like this
heLLLLOOOPPPP
HELPPPP ME PLSS
ITS ALL FADING TO BLACK
HELPPPPP 😩😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😨
GASP
HELP
🫨🙄😵‍💫😵 (that’s my eyes rolling to the back of my head btw)
now i’m passed out £2!2£2&:&&;&;&;&;&;&,&;&;;;8;&&:&&:8:88;87,7,7,£,£,£;&;&;&,7,7,7,77,7,8;&:,&,&&,&,&,&,&,?&,&&?&&&,&,&,&:7,7,7,7;77;£,£;7££;£,,£,7,7,7,&&,&,,’cmnnmmmm98828:&,&,&,&,&:&,&,&,&,£,£,£,£,
and scene
jk: wow that was really good
it really felt like you passed out
jimin: wish you would pass out for real
jimin left “namkook month!!”
hobi: i don’t think it’s healthy that after one conversation everyone just ends up leaving the gc…
namjoon left “namkook month!!”
tae: no but fr who is namkook and why is it their month what a selfish bitch
y/n left “namkook month!!”
hobi: nvm i get it
hobi left “namkook month!!”
tae: lowkey i think you might be the problem jungkook…
jk: you think so?
tae: yeah lol
jk: why can’t you be the problem?
tae: why would i be the problem?
jk: i can’t always be the problem
tae: you seem to make it work
jk: ur not invited anymore
tae: what
jk: to the party
don’t come
ur uninvited
tae: don’t say things you’ll regret jungkook
whose gonna bring the deep fired apples if i don’t come??
jk: i’ll make it work
like i always do
this is goodbye taehyung
bye
jk left “namkook month!!”
tae: what the fuck
happy jk day !! clearly this was written yesterday lmao
324 notes · View notes
mulders-too-large-shirt · 7 months ago
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s2 episode 24 thoughts
this episode was quite spooky. because cannibalism is real. but something about scully about to get her head chopped off and boiled seemed more outlandish than all the aliens and the guy that kills people with his shadow or even lizard man eugene tooms!
which is strange. because those things are pretty outlandish! maybe its because it was so much scarier than even evil lizard men.
let’s jump in:
so this is an episode involving more meat. did we need more meat, after the earlier meat processing content in s2 episode 10? many are saying no. but not chris carter!
we begin at a dirt road at night. in the state of arkansas. we have an older man and a younger woman named paula in a car, which is not suspicious at all! /s
oh and now the old man choking? is this natural or did she induce it with some poison. i mean maybe he deserved it, if she did. he takes some pills, so I’m guessing it is due to natural causes. now she beckons him out to the woods. 
into the woods. she says he has to catch her. is she luring him into a Bigfoot trap? we have yet to really see Bigfoot, and maybe he’s hungry. although Bigfoot is more Pacific Northwest than Arkansas, i think.
author's note: we tested negative for bigfoot in this episode :(
oh! this man tripped and is now surrounded by people with flashlights and very cool masks. get axe murdered, fucker.
back in DC! aforementioned fucker has been gone for 10 weeks and scully thinks the higher ups are sending them on a wild goose chase. “i’m not questioning the legitimacy of the case, just their motives in assigning it to us” <- damn, very well spoken by a rightfully suspicious woman
oh, but at the scene, someone saw a fire. and mulder says the fire is “supposed to be the spirits of massacred Indians” OH...
(mentally i was like, please do not be another scary Indigenous story episode. and we did in fact get that. sighs deeply. we can make things scary without making Indigenous people the scary ones! or using the trauma of genocide as a setting for spooky time! well, i'm sure you, dear reader, know that, so i shall not preach to the choir, but i will point out that these thoughts were going through my mind)
“these are only legends, mulder”, says a dismissive scully. and why is her hair looking excellent today. I mean not that it isn’t usually but damn. shoutout to the hair and makeup team.
the place on the side of the road where he went missing had a big fire! could be a bonfire, both parties thought. until mulder remembered a documentary he saw in college...
(hehehehe mulder spent college watching documentaries <3)
! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! wow it's been a while since i've gotten to format some text like that. he watched a documentary about an insane asylum in college and it gave him nightmares.
(and this may not be super relevant to his character, but to ME, it is, so i shall note it <3)
he's got the VHS from the doc all loaded up, and presses play on a guy rambling about a fire demon!! who was found in the same spot as the fire mark!!! dun dun dunnn 
(love the implication that he either purchased his own copy of the documentary that gave him nightmares in college, or had to go rent it from the video store. both are wonderful possibilities)
cut to arkansas. mulder is on the scene holding a plastic fork from the ground. wearing his silly sunglasses. lmaooo idk why they make me laugh. what a serious gentleman.
sheriff arrives at the scene. he says the witch’s peg to ward off spirits is normal there and also that the fire mark comes from illegal trash burning. and, as an American i am aware of how Americans love an illegal trash burn. but still. suspicious.
sheriff says the missing man george was chasing women out of town. lovely sounding fellow /s
wife questioning time!! he left her years ago. oh, but tea: the day before he went missing he was going to cite major health violations in the chicken plant! hmm... a cause for murder?
mulder gives the wife his phone number. also mulder is also looking very good today. but that is an evil voice in my head that ought to be silenced.
noooo, it's chicken plant time. no thank you ma’am, i would be out in the car <3
paula from the woods at work in the plant!!! taking mystery pills. seemingly in pain??
chicken cutting cam. oh, this is not for me! 
the agents chat with the manager, who says george was trying to shut them down. and while clocked in, paula is sweating. she just gasped in front of a whole bunch of chickens and some guy with very blue eyes. she sees a human head on the chicken stand and picks it up and throws it off. shoutout to this fake decapitated head and my best friends in the prop department for making such a funny creation.
(but of course, it was a hallucination, and she really just threw a poor chicken on the floor!!! his sacrifice was in vain... gone but not forgotten)
mulder is inspecting the chicken gutting operation and i've said it before and i'll say it again: he is braver than me. 
ohh, more chicken drama: george was filing a lawsuit about “line hypnosis” and it was dismissed before he vanished! he deserved to win. is there a meat processing union? there ought to be. but he was the only one citing bad health practices, the other 3 workers said it was fine... sooo what’s the truth…
“what’s that” asks mulder, who then gets shown the feed processor, and asks “chickens feed on chickens?” <- heartbreaking realization. many of us remember where we were when learning this information. i'm sure it will stick with him forever. and i'm frankly surprised he didn't know already.
NAURRR THE SLUDGE AND BLOOD nasty nasty evil
OH plot twist: paula is holding the manager with a knife to his throat… scully telling everyone to calm down. personally i would be not calm. she said “don’t get excited” but me? experiencing an active hostage situation at my place of work? i would be excited
NOOO the sheriff shot her and she fell into the feed conveyor belt processing… thing. sheriff i KNOW you are covering something up. you will not hide from me.
SHE GETS GULPED INTO THE FEED BELT THINGY GAGGG it’s giving the jungle by upton sinclair that caused many american 8th graders to confront the corruption of the meat industry
paula had gone to the doctor about headaches… like george!!! doctor had assumed the condition was stress induced. and they did have similar symptoms. 
treated them both with codine… ain’t that a bit strong?? this man doesn't seem to be a very good doctor, tbh. i mean i don't think the guy that works at the chicken plant to sew back on fingers needs to be an expert in everything but like. codine for headaches? umm girl.
mr. chaco of chaco’s chicken was paula’s grandfather… if i was a grandfather rich off of chicken money, my grandkids would not be working the processing line, let me tell u that much!
back to the agents: these two should not be looking as good as they do in a chicken processing plant. they had to really step it up today to compensate for the horrors of the set.
chicken man lives in a mansion. further evidence of corruption. paula, i would not have had you working in such conditions if i was your grandfather. there has been a deep wrong here, i can see already.
and he’s got a big hat and is feeding his chicken corn. not other chickens, like the feed he makes in his plant... seems he is aware of the ethical issues implied in his business. also, mulder with those weird ass glasses. 
cacho is going on about the subject of chickens. and how he built this town. he sure is taking an awful lot of credit for creating a town, pretty sure that's a team effort mr. chaco. he's also going on about how he thought george was trying to tear him down. 
AUTOPSY TIME!! rare degenerative disorder in da brain of paula. and scully has only seen it one other time back in med school because you can only really find it in an autopsy. nice work, doctor! <- i just typed “nice worm 🪱” so we'll let that stay for the added sense of whimsy it provides
but despite looking like a young girl fresh out of high school, paula was born in '48?! she was 47 years old. allegedly. this is not adding up. so they go on a quest to find her birth certificate and see what the truth is.
debrief in the car. so: odds are not great that she and george had the same very rare disease
during this discussion, our duo are run off the road by a chicken truck!!!! no! oh... he drove them into a river. mulder has shifted into rescue mode as the river is red with chicken gore. i feel someone might be distracting them and trying to get the body… (this was actually not the case i was just overly suspicious)
but more chicken drama: the driver had the same symptoms as george and paula! how can this be?!
“i just came up with a sick theory, mulder” (grabs her shoulder) “ooh, I’m listening” LMAOOOO this is sososo funny to me. yeah tell me ur sick theories scully you have my full attention.
GAG!! because it is both gross and shocking. her theory: what if someone put george’s body in the feed grinder, and then since it’s a prion disease, a chicken ate it, and someone ate a chicken, and it spread to the humans!!!! AHHHH! well that would be an epidemic, because they ship chickens out across the country… she glances knowingly, implying things could be very bad 
the river is filled with bird gore from the plant BLECH... who allows this??!! please say there are some modern regulations in place to prevent this being done irl.
mulder says he wants it dragged, thinking that maybe george is in there. and the sheriff is hesitant to do this. once again, i’m onto you, sheriff. i mean, a river full of chicken gore: it would be a good place to put a dead body.
and bam! a body is found. or rather. many many many bones. many bodies. and they are still going. damn.
so, we have a ton of bones. scully can put them into 9 distinct skeletons, one of which is in fact george. i love that she can do that, put the bones into distinct skeletons. she knows it's geroge from a pin in his femur!
“all of them share one, strange detail though” “well, they seem to have lost their heads” “… well, besides that” <- LMAOOOO idk why this was so funny to me... he really thought he picked up on something but he did Not.
here's the linking detail: all the bones are smooth and buffed like they have been polished. ??? who is polishing bones? it sure isn't me, i'll tell you that much. 
george’s wife is at the scene, learning her husband's body has been found, and she is sobbing. and the sheriff says “we’ll take care of you” now what does THAT mean? because it's not really sounding like the welcoming words of a man who is going to guide his neighbor through tragedy, and instead like there is something bigger at play here...
back at the plant, the doctor is mentioning another guy coming down “with the symptoms”…. omg. so this IS a known thing from the inside. mr. chaco knows but he isn’t doing anything about it!!!!! chicken dramaaaa goes crazy 
scully at the scene of all the bones, carrying a bucket of chicken. lmao. she is braver than me, for i would have gone vegan the first moment i set foot in chicken processing land.
mulder does some digging: 87 people have disappeared in the area in 50 years! that seems... a lot? and he thinks the same person or persons were responsible. he thinks they were EATEN!! boiled in a pot.
“they used similar evidence to prove cannibalism among on the Anasazi tribe of New Mexico” okay: 1. why do you know that 2. need to look into these allegations for myself and 3. Anasazi… that is the title of the next episode!!! what could this mean!! another cannibalism episode?!
scully is very sad to say that paula could have gotten sick from eating george :( girl I’m not convinced the chicken is clean put it down NOW 
cannibalism = eternal life? follow for more crazy mulder theories!
she puts aside the chicken……. good!
mr. chaco says “he’ll handle it” and george's wife doris arrives, saying she “can’t keep lying”… she says “she did it” (!!)
OH????? she... killed her husband? that is a bold thing to admit to.
“we’re gonna take good care of you”, says mr. chaco, which raises the question: are they a cannibal cult???? is that what he means when he mentions that he “built this town”???
now what the hell is going on. <- an interjection i stand by
mulder and scully are going to the courthouse to look at the papers and all the birth records are burnt!! doris calls mulder and says he’s afraid mr. chaco will kill her… they split up…. nooooo i hate splitting up!!! i watched so much scooby doo as a kid!
GASP! a guy in a mask like we saw at the very beginning of the episode is in doris' home!!! drumbeat playing while she screams…. overall, this is very not good, i wrote, referring to the use of Indigenous imagery for this murder, and also doris being murdered in the first place
scully at the scene of the murder ft. big ass flashlight. she gets in through the side door. gun: out. trench coat: open. looks: served. diagnosis: baby girl that could kill me, and i am respectful of the fact that she has this power yet refrains from using it on me.
mulder at mr. chaco’s house. mr. chaco has some… stuff in his home. including photos with Indigenous people and also bones. having human bones in your house, and especially on display, is not a good sign of ethics in play. and a skull. Oh! it says the skull is from a tribe in New Guinea... why tf does he have that. put it back???
at the back of chaco's parlor, we see a mysterious door. mulder is busting it open.
LORD ALMIGHTY, I DID NOT THINK THERE WOULD BE HEADS INSIDE??? HELLO???
so that must be where all of the heads that mulder noticed were missing have gone. they're sewn up sort of like shrunken heads. very spooky. once again, pour one out for the props department for such a creation.
noooo chaco is in the house with scully, who was investigating the call of doris. NOOOO HE KNOCKED HER OUT!!! this seriously needs to stop happening like i'm worried about the brain damage she is experiencing.
back to mulder cam. goodness. all of these heads. 
in a field now. doctor is serving some soup. to a bunch of people. who are eating around a big bonfire. do NOT tell me scully is in that meal....
she is not. YET! but he is bringing her over to be roasted. and they ate doris! chaco is yelling about turning on each other and how they were only supposed to eat outsiders. girl you shouldn't be eating anybody last time i checked. 
man in the mask shows up with an axe. and chaco is decapitated in front of scully. who is put into the decapitation thingy next. GIRL THIS IS FUCKED UP!!!
mulder on the scene, just in time. he shoots the dude in the mask.
“you alright?” he asks, brushing her hair back after lifting her out of the decapitation machine. my good friend, i would venture to guess that she is not quite alright at the moment!!! this will take an awful lot of unpacking!!!
sigh. but the tenderness of the near death experience. coming back to life in someone's arms. yeah i'll romanticize that.
TEA!!! the sheriff was the one under the mask!!!!!! i knew he was up to no good.
wrap up: chicken place shut down. unclear how many citizens of the town ate people. 27 have become ill with prion disease. chaco’s plane was shot down in 1947, and he spent 7 months with a cannibalistic tribe, and also he was born in 1902, so he was 93 at his death- so the cannibalism really WAS extending life. and we see some more feed being scooped to the chickens as scully says his remains have yet to be found. end scene.
HUH???? what in da hell. so what are we thinking kids…?
well, i'll tell you something: turns out i am afraid of cannibal cults, no matter how outlandish they seem! i guess when you get a villain or evil situation of the week show like this, you WILL learn exactly what kind of fear pushes your buttons. i can imagine almost nothing scarier than being led to the slaughter like scully was. seems a purposeful commentary on the meat industry, especially when taken in with the other meat episode this season.
so, if i were scully, i do think i would need to take a week or so off. but she is just built different than i am.
some things bugged me here. first of all, like i mentioned, you don't need to throw in Indigenous people to make a scary story. like is the thought of a bunch of arkansas cannibals not horrific enough? the scary was there!
second, i have not been doing a kidnapping count, but i feel that scully is getting the rough of the deal here. i believe in gender equality when it comes to characters being kidnapped. like, an even 1:1 ratio. why are we denying mulder his damsel in distress arc? does anyone think about how he would feel? how nice it would be to see scully burst in with a gun and shoot the fellow that was about to cannibalize him?
still, it is rare an episode actually spooks me, so i must give credit where it is due. even if it felt a little outlandish, your girl was frightened! scully needs a vacation now. i also thoroughly laughed at the sick theories line and his funny sunglasses.
it's funny to note, but i like the episodes that are either very silly and light hearted, or incredibly angsty the best. and that may seem contradictory, but you cannot tell me that one breath and humbug may be on opposite ends of the tone spectrum, but they are both objectively Perfect. i'll have to think more on why they are the best in my opinion, but i think honestly i would watch these two read the dictionary.
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angvlface · 2 years ago
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idk if this will make sense but reader coming from like an elite family. like the super rich popular families and reader meeting joel and he’s just like. a guy and they have to fuck on the low cause reader cant ruin her reputation 😢😢
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18+ ,, face fucking .. joel says daddy.
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Joel would be lying if he said he expected things to go this way. It was a mere few weeks ago when he received a house call to the large estate at the center of town. Broken down car, they told him. A simple fix, one that would barely take a few hours and have him leave with heavy pockets. The only reason people weren’t jumping at the job was because of the family behind the request.
They were by far the most annoying people in the town. Rich, stuck-up pricks who believed everyone was indebted to them because they gave supplies that allowed the town to build up. The founding family—or so they refer to themselves as.
Joel could give less of a shit about who they were. He could put up with any attitude if they paid him enough. And this family would. So he ignored all his friends warnings and took the job.
If only he knew the problem wouldn’t be the asshole father or snarky mother, but their promiscuous daughter.
You sauntered into the garage Joel was working in with your little skirt and frilly shirt. Batted your eyelashes at him, twirled some hair around your finger, leaned over just a little too far, ran a hand down his arm. You were dangerous, and he realized when his friends warned him to not take the job they were warning him of you.
Of those sultry eyes and tantalizing lips. Of your ability to get any man wrapped around your manicured fingers. Of your lack of care for what could happen to those men if they gave in to you.
And yet, Joel still fell for it.
His fingers were interlocked in your hair for the third time this week, guiding your head further down his shaft. Your swollen lips were suctioned around him, eyes peering up at him. He didn’t want to look away, scared you’d vanish from before him if he even blinked.
It was just too good to be true. Someone like you, prim and proper girl from the most influential family in town, on her knees with a mouth full of his cock. If only your asshole of a father could see you now.
Just the thought of it had Joel’s hips stuttering forward, his hands holding your head down. You didn’t fight it, not even when your eyes watered or the drool spilled from your lips. You took Joel fully, a tear sliding down your cheek as you gazed up with him with what Joel could only perceive as admiration.
“You’re takin’ me so well, darlin’,” Joel sighs, his head falling back.
He pulls back for just a moment before his hips shoot forward once more, his cock hitting the back of your throat.
“If only your daddy could see you now,” he mumbles, tugging at your locks. “On your knees, weeping for my cock.” The whine you let out sends vibrations through Joel, a guttural groan escaping him.
“Keep goin’ like that and I’m gonna cum,” he grunts. Your fingers dig into Joel’s thighs as your nose buries into his pubes.
Joel’s grunts bounce off the walls as his hips thrust in and out, your high pitched whines muffled by his cock. Then you’re grabbing him, keeping him down your throat as you gag around him. And Joel is cumming, groans falling from his parted lips as you take his load with ease.
You finally fall back onto your knees when just a speckle of his cum drips from your lips, watching in delight as Joel leans against the wall to catch his breath.
“I think you like the thought of my dad seein’ us,” you muse, Joel’s half-lidded eyes locking with yours. “You want my daddy to see me, his perfect daughter, fucking a lowlife like you. Ain’t that right, Joel?”
Joel smirks, the exhaustion he once exhibited vanishing. “You’re right, darlin’.” A wicked smile spreads on your lips as Joel steps toward you, backing you into a wall.
“I want you to tell everyone,” he drops to his knees in front of you, tossing one of your legs over his shoulder as his nose presses to the wet patch on your panties, “who is really your daddy.”
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akiranzee · 2 years ago
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🌠 • ° ` — “WISHING FOR YOU”
-> PAIRINGS: Alhaitham x gn!Y/n -> SUMMARY: Alhaitham and Y/n L/n, from 2 different universes, suddenly encounter by a miracle. -> WORD COUNT: 2.2k+ -> CONTAINS: fluff, cliffhanger at end (imsry), swearing, KINDA CONFUSING PLOT?? (idk) & alhaitham is 25 while reader is 22. -> A/N: KINDA INSPIRED BY “Your Name”?? IDK I HAVEN’T RLLY FINISHED WATCHING IT LOL. C/n is “cat’s name” :)).
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-------------Complete!-----------
“Ok I give up. How come all of you has him when I don't have him.” You gave your friends a deadpanned look, setting your tablet down.
“It’s called luck darling.” One of your friends replied, sending you a playful wink.
“Well my luck is seriously dead. Anyway, I’m going home. I need to feed my cat.” You said, getting your shoulder bag and leaving your friend’s house.
“Aw, I thought you were gonna stay.. Anyway, say hi to C/n for me!” One of your friends yelled back, waving at you, and you also did, but your back was faced to them.
~~~~~
Reaching your home after a few more steps, your cat greeted you happily.
“Aw, you’re a cute little thing, aren’t you, C/n?” You petted them and led them inside the house, “come, let's get you food, hmm?”
After giving your cat their food, you hummed as you cooked your own dinner. You tasted the curry you were cooking, and it tastes delicious. You were delighted by the result as this was the first time you’re cooking curry.
You took a plate and served the curry on the table, but as you did, suddenly, the lights went out. The only thing visible to you now was the scorching, running light outside.
You peeked through your window, and saw a meteor shower outside, as your cat followed you.
You’ve heard that wishing on a meteor shower will make your wish come true.
You don’t believe it, but you instead find it quite childish. But trying it out right now doesn’t sound bad, does it? Especially when you’ll lose nothing if you try.
You closed your eyes and wished.
And as you opened your eyes, the meteor shower has ended and the lights went back on.
It was peculiar, but your stomach was demanding for food, so you never really gave it any thought.
~~~~~
But as the next day started, you went inside the library you’re working at, and all your fellow librarians were whispering and gushing on about something, or someone.
You walked over to them and asked, “hey, what’s up you guys?”
“Eee! Y/n, you’re here! See that man with gray hair and green eyes? He’s so handsome!” Your close co-worker squealed as she pointed at him, which you followed, revealing a gorgeous man reading a book.
Just like the meteor shower last night, you were mesmerized by the sight in front of you. And you feel like the emptiness of your whole world was suddenly filled just by staring at him.
But soon, it was cut off as the woman’s hand appeared in your sight, forcing you to stop staring and come back to earth.
“Ah… sorry. Let’s get to work, guys.” You changed the subject and immediately went to your post, serving as the cashier.
Apparently, the library you’re working at has millions and millions of books, that nobody dared count it. It had all the books people would want; romance, novel, documentaries, horror, adult, and more.
But only rich people would dare buy a book from here, considering the prices of each book being $5,000+.
That’s why you were shocked when the gray-haired man literally carried 10 books and put them in front of you, handing you his credit card.
“Umm… Are you sure you’re gonna buy all of this?” You asked him once again to make him rethink his decision. But fortunately, he bought it all.
“Yes. They sound very interesting. They deserve to be added to my collection.” He said bluntly, and whispered a thanks as you handed him the box full of books he just bought.
And to put it short, he does kind of remind you of someone.
Remember that guy from Sumeru who really loves reading books? Yeah, him — Alhaitham.
Even him and the guy looks alike. Mentioning the hair and eyes, the skin tone, the height, and his voice.
He really does look like Alhaitham.
You gasp softly at the sudden thought; that what if your wishes came true, but the only difference is that you didn’t get him in game, but in real life…?
For the whole duration of your working hours, your brainstorming of theories about this and thats has officially driven you crazy, just looking at one spot for 10 minutes, and then looking somewhere else for 10 minutes again.
Even your fellow librarians were getting scared about your peculiar acting that they’re starting to think you’re being possessed or something.
But at the end of the day, you knew you had to snap out of it and come back to earth once again; and head home.
Reaching your home, your cat greeted you once again, and everyday life went on and on as it usually does.
But the unusual part of it is; you and the man that looks like Alhaitham keeps crossing paths — as if fate desperately wants the two of you for each other.
But you only took it as mere coincidences, but as the saying goes; One means nothing, two means coincidence, and three means something. Which the encounter of the both of you have literally been 5+ times, and that is not considered as a coincidence anymore.
And you swore to yourself; one more encounter, you were gonna lock yourself up inside your house.
And so you did. A fellow co-worker you’re close with came and visited you as they didn’t take your “I’m sick” excuse, banging on your door as if it was gonna break any second now.
“Urgh. Okay, okay, coming!” You rushed to your door, hoping to save it from the hellish knocks it was suffering.
“Oh my god, took you forever!” The shorter lady then tiptoed and placed the back of her palm on your forehead and said, “see? Sick my ass! You look perfectly fine!” And she practically dragged you out of your apartment, but finally convinced her to let you change into something nice.
By the time you entered the library, the man that looked like Alhaitham was there, and the both of you made eye contact which made you quite embarrassed when he looked away and towards his book.
So you did the same; walking away and going to your post in the cashier.
Normally, it would be a boring day, but today, the library offered a 50% discount to the top hit sales today; mangas. So to cut it short, a lot of people bought mangas and yes, unusual and surprising, but the library was full of people that the staffs were also confused where to go or what to do.
You sighed as you finally sat down, you definitely couldn’t wait to get your well deserved meal and bath, along with a goodnight’s sleep later.
As you began to close your eyes, you felt the sleep coming to you.
“Shouldn’t you be doing your job instead of dozing off?” A voice asked, and that instantly made you jolt awake.
“Huh? What?” You looked around as if looking for something, only to see the owner of the voice; the man that looks like Alhaitham.
“I’ve been looking for this book”, he says as he swipes through his phone and shows the picture to you, “do you happen to see it or have some stock left?” He questioned, and you slowly stood up, taking a closer look at the picture.
“Oh, yeah, we have that on stock. But are you sure? It's for $10,000.” You said as you rubbed your eyes, as the man took his phone away from you and put it back into his pocket.
“I remember buying 10 books that costs $50,000+. Surely, $10,000 on 1 book doesn’t sound impossible now, does it?” His choice of words and the way he says it really sounds like the Alhaitham from the game you’re playing.
You stayed silent and bowed, then went inside the storage room to look for that book, not knowing what else to reply to his sarcasm.
After a few minutes, you came back with the book in hand, and then the man paid for it.
Before you allowed him to leave, you knew you had to ask him one question; “What’s your name?”
“Al Haitham” Your eyes widened at that. Not only does he look and act like him, but they also have the same name too? This is not a coincidence anymore, is it?
“Why?” He asked, raising one of his eyebrows.
“Um… nothing, it's just that you remind me of a game character.” You scratched the side of your face, looking down, feeling embarrassed and you don’t know why.
“Who?” He asked again, this time, he was more curious than the last question.
“Um.. here, let me show you.” You opened your phone and showed him a picture of Alhaitham, the game character.
He showed a look of surprise, but quickly changed back to his usual stoic face.
“Huh… is his name also Al Haitham?” He asked, leaning in the counter, seemingly interested as to why he was there.
You said a simple “yeah”, and Al Haitham simply shaked his head and replied, “the creator of the game must’ve known me” which you took it as; “the creator of the game must’ve found me hot enough to put me in game” which you could just strongly agree.
And with that, by whatever miracle is out there, the both of you surprisingly got along. And you also got to know that his first name is Al, and his last name is Haitham.
You guys usually hang out at a cafe or at a park, with you and him usually playing Genshin Impact.
After knowing that he was a character in game, his curiosity peeked in and tried it out.
And when he did try to pull for Alhaitham, it didn’t even take 69 tries for him to get him, unlike you.
And you found that very unfair. Because — Al is new to the game but gets Alhaitham for like only 3-5 tries. While you, this might be the 100th try or more, but you still can’t get him.
You sighed in defeat as you were still unlucky. Al only chuckled and continue playing the game. He didn’t try to comfort you, but his chuckle did, which made your heart race because of it.
Oh dear, not only were you a simp for Alhaitham, but you were also falling for Al.
I mean, it’s what they say, right? If you can’t get the fictional character, then go for the cosplayer — which in your case, Al’s just like the real human version of Alhaitham.
But no, you didn’t try that out. You were happy with the way things were right now, happy with you and Al being close friends. Sure, you wanted to be more than that, but being Al’s friend was more than enough than to be a stranger to him.
Little by little, you fell in love with him. And it was hard to make it not-so-obvious, as every single moment you guys spend together, you find out more new things about him. And that just makes you fall for him more and more.
Until one evening, Al told you there would be a meteor shower, and his house had the best view. So you went to his house and waited.
Just like what happened when the meteor shower has arrived, the lights went out, and a series of meteor came rushing in and pass through the both of you.
It was a magnificent sight, and the both of you came rushing out of his balcony, dazed by the beauty the meteor shower held.
You remembered that wishing in a meteor shower will make your wishes come true. And so you did again, wished for a miracle.
~~~~~
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
You groaned, seemingly awakened by your noisy alarm clock, and suddenly stood up.
Suddenly standing up made your head ache and dizzy though, slowly walking down to the bathroom to wash your face.
You looked at the calendar; May 02, 2019. Ugh, Tuesday. You were hoping for a weekend, but I guess that miracle ain’t gonna happen.
Getting ready for work, you took a bath, brushed your teeth, changed into your work clothes, then finally, packing your bags and wearing your shoes.
You didn’t bother for breakfast, it was your co-worker’s birthday today anyway. Surely, they’d prepare and treat the whole library to food, right?
As you walked out the door, and walked down the street, you suddenly bumped into a stranger, with a grunt coming out from the both of you.
Miracles do happen, but the God sometimes just doesn’t allow that. But on that night, when the both of you wished, you both wished for a miracle to happen.
You wished to stay together, and for Al to like you back. You didn’t see it, but Al also wished. Knowing what would happen to him after that night, he wished for the greatest miracle. It was to stay forever by your side, to stay here forever.
“Ugh- sorry, I wasn’t looking-” As you turned around, you saw a handsome man with gray hair, and green eyes.
Without knowing, the both of you speaked together, as if in sync,
“What’s… your name?”
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byoldervine · 5 months ago
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Why do you only ever use Miraculous Ladybug as a bad example
As in why do I use ML whenever I need a bad example or as in why do I never say anything good about ML?
For the former, I have noticed that I do this a lot and I’m trying to find other examples as well; in recent posts I’ve written (idk if they’re shared or not by this point or still in the drafts) I’ve made sure to actively put in other media such as ATLA or Helluva Boss, both shows that I do like and really like the writing of
In terms of saying nice things about ML, the struggle is that I’m generally speaking about it on this blog in terms of writing, and overall I personally don’t feel like the show is very well written, which means it’s easier to come up with relevant things to say about the show that are less positive than it is to praise it
There are definitely some great aspects to the show, however, and I’m happy to name some of them
1. Obviously I have to gush about the concept. The love square? Hawkmoth being Chat Noir’s dad? Marinette idolising Gabriel as a fashion designer? The villain having a power that means they don’t have to put themself at risk while still creating consistent villains of the week? Coming up with inventive solutions on the fly being a superpower? Emotion-based villainy that sets a difference between being a bad person and behaving badly while also encouraging people to seek support and assistance even after their negative emotions have lead them to cause harm? Brilliant! I love all of it!
2. Optigami had some of the best execution of this imo; both of them trapped in the elevator, unable to transform without revealing their identity to the other while the viewer knows the truth on that front, the villain slowly closing in… if it had been anybody else, Gabe would’ve let Style Queen find them, but because Adrien is his son, only because Adrien is his son and not a target, Gabe called Style Queen away and spared them. That scene would’ve felt so much different if not for the specifics of the situation and the relationships between the characters
3. There are some genuinely funny moments in this show omg. Chat taking out the entire police force with the power of dance? Amazing. The scene where they all do the weirdest movements ever to take on Party Crasher? Flawless. Chat trying to blend in by randomly breakdancing? Stealth 100. Jagged Stone randomly vibing as a crocodile? Man’s living his best life
4. Deliberately left out quotes because they deserve their own mentions. “They see me catwalking… they hating~” is funny as hell. “How about Gabe while we’re at it?” deserved an award. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to your dad’s funeral” is just plain iconic. “Hey look at me I’m a pickle!” gets more laughs out of me than it reasonably should
5. When they wanna be clever, they can be very clever. I love that they give you a little insight into what Ladybug’s plan for the Lucky Charm is so you can try and figure it out yourself while she does the same. I love how there are loads of convoluted plans from other characters too, such as Alya’s genius plan in Sentibubbler or even Sabine’s comparatively smaller plan in Qilin
6. Some of the shots in this show are gorgeous. The umbrella scene? Beautiful. The POV shots of Ladybug leaping over rooftops? So immersive and fun. The fight with Stormy Weather? Holy hell those angles!
7. Some of the romantic moments are just amazing. I’ve already mentioned the umbrella scene, but what about the balcony scene? Luka’s declaration of love to Marinette? The scene where MariChat gently check each other’s comfort levels and consent when they exchange kisses? Sweet!
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Text
“What hair product I think each svt member is”
Summery: a holiday fic that has absolutely nothing to do with the holidays! Wanted to try my hand at writing something a bit different and thought this was a good idea to start. Not really comedy but amusing none the less! (idk if what I wrote makes sense hopefully yall are picking up what I’m putting down) approximately: ten minute read
A/n: THIS IS NOT MY ORIGINAL IDEA! (In a way it is buuuutttt still) I can’t find the author who wrote the “what piece of furniture svt are” or something to that effect so they’re the ones who gave me the idea so if yall find them please tag them unless I do first!
warningz/info: mentions of pain, mentions of chocolate, I think what, three curse words? y'all let me know if I should start keeping them to a minimum or remove them entirely because I know some people are uncomfortable with them! I feel like the spacing between paragraphs is weird in this fic but oh well. no idea how this is gonna go over and im scared that I tagged it with "x reader". plus I dont know if anyone would read/enjoy it but I had loads of fun writing it! as always, if you did like it, please leave some love like comments and or reblogs!
~this is simply a piece of fiction. My imagination onto “paper. This is in no way is mean to be taken as an actual and real representation of anyone.~
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>Seungcheol<
gel. Sticks to you like glue once you find each other (romantic music starts playing in the hair care isle when you pick up your favorite gel) everyone has their preferred brand/ look they worship. Thicc. Either smells putrid and chemical like or good enough to transport you to a magical land of chocolate, pink grass and purple clouds
>Jeonghan<
he is a Bobby pin. And I will provide no further explanation on this except that he holds you together but will stab you lmao
>Shua<
an Afro pick/ hair pick. Its what everyone’s looking for: that little somen’ somen’. That little poof we all desire. Also scalp massages :)
>Jun<
wide tooth comb. My fellow thick haired/ curly haired people will know about this one 😭 this shit can be mean to your scalp tugging on your hair and UGH helps you greatly and is a necessity but damn… that’s all I gotta say
>Hoshi<
Refresher product/ moisture product. wakes you up in the morning. Gives you a reason to NOT look like you just rolled outta bed even though you did. For most this is one ofthe holy grails in life. What would I do without it? Makes us all smile even at 4:00 am because oh my god I look better after I slapped this in. Just all around a day-brightener
>Wonwoo<
curl cream. Grounding. Has many different looks n stuff
>Woozi<
a rat tail comb. Everyone should have one. Versatile, used for many different things. Good for every sort of job and is a natural to be honest and is small but mighty lol
>DK<
a satin/ silk bonnet. And no, not one of those that most  moms wear with the lace trim. Those end up at the foot of your bed by the morning. The ones with the thick elastic. I choose this cause it goes by many different names, just like him lol just has that comfy homey feel to it
>Mingyu<
hair mask. Made at home with some questionable ingredients. Seriously sometimes I don’t think he’s real lol 
>Hao<
a denman brush. It sounds to helpful and great. And it is great!…. When you figure out how to use it. Hard to figure out but once you get the hang of it you’ll never go back (another thing my fellow curly haired babes will understand)
>Seungkwan<
co wash. A little something extra, a boost of energy, if you will. a well kept secret but also a well known fact 
>Vernon<
hair tie. Easy to loose but also easy to find. especially in places where youd think: “why the fuck would it end up here?” Like idk man, but you should definitely check the dark corner collecting lint— that’s where they always are
>Dino<
leave in conditioner because with use over time it makes your hair (you) healthier
~End~
a/n: annnnnnnnddddd thats it! hope y'all enjoyed this disaster of a fic lmao if you liked it, please leave some love like comments or reblogging!
stay safe, y'all!
2023 ©️copyright for shutupheathersorryheatherr do NOT repost, steal, or translate my work even if you give me credit
taglist: @itz-yerin
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yae-energy · 1 year ago
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╰┈─✩ ˚ ‧ random thoughts : 2 ‧ ˚
✧˖° synopsis : more random hc’s cause why not (the manga is crushing my soul)
✧˖° cast and crew : yuta okkotsu, maki zenin
.ᐟ content warnings : cursing (cause when am i not)
⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ authors note : idk yall i just wanted to post 😭 i got at least 3 more ideas i wanna do.
~
yuta <3
- really good at math for absolutely no reason at all, mental math specifically cause istg this man is like a fucking calculator
- was a nightcore kid (BADDDDDDDLYYY)
- used to be a really big harry potter fan for a while
- loves musicals. like, LOVES musicals
- will say a lot of stuff ironically to the point where it actually becomes unironic and it annoys everybody to hell and back. but he genuinely cannot stop 😭
- vocal stims with the most annoying tiktok audios
- loves carrots and hummus and doesn’t like celery
- he love’s halloween and always matches costumes with inumaki
- his biggest pet peeves are gum popping and squeaky noises. like he will genuinely get so pissed off if he hears either of those things
- is really good at board games & card games, like he’ll really whoop your ass in some uno tbh (which is why no one plays with him) and pls don’t let him get his hands on them draw 4’s or it’s absolutely over for everybody. (and it’s even worse if they’re playing train. like he loses friends afterwards)
*before each turn he’s like “😬 sorry guyssss” (he’s in fact, not sorry)
*also is unnecessarily good at monopoly, like he racks up all the properties so quickly and everyone always thinks he’s cheating
- has really bad eczema (mainly gets it on his neck and it’s reallyyyyyy bad in the winter)
maki <3
- lactose (and still consumes dairy but like…at what cost girlie ☹️)
*also has horrible indigestion
- likes strawberries but hates strawberry flavored things. do NOT give her no strawberry flavored NOTHING or she will fight you
- is a sparkling water enjoyer (inumaki and panda clown her for this everyday and have been since they met her)
- doesn’t like bananas, she has a visceral HATRED for them i tell you. nobody knows why either but that’s just the way it is.
- COFFEE LOVERRRR (loads that shit up with creamer and sugar)
- loves doing crossword puzzles (and puzzles in general)
- really good at chess and ESPECIALLY checkers (she’s just really good at most games tbh, she doesn’t know how either)
- her glasses are always dirty LMAO (same girlie, same)
- really likes baseball, like really really likes it 😭
- adding onto the coffee one: she is an ice coffee FANN. everytime she’s mad one of the second years brings her an iced coffee and she’s completely ok again.
- she’s a dnd girlieeee !!! and she plays with yuta and inumaki when they all have time
- hates reading anything because she just doesn’t feel like it (and she’s impatient) so she gets yuta to read it for her 😭
- is one of those people where if you ask her to do something she’ll instantly say no but do it anyways 💀
- really good at mimicking people’s voices and copying signatures (like it’s actually terrifying)
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⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ tags : @morosis-haze @jogeto @mypimpademia @zairene @planetlunaa @cosmiles @milesmolasses @chinieh @romiantic @stqrriichiigo
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if you wish to be tagged in any future works, here’s my tag form to fill out <33
if you wish to submit a request, here’s my ask box :)
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⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ closing notes : took wayyyyy longer than i needed to finish this ! (just the life of being an adhd girlie 😋‼️) but pt.2 to this will come out shortly
also notice how i cannot SHUT THE FUCKKK up about these two like they did NOT need to be this long, do i care though? not really !!
now i’m onto these fuck ass tags 🙄
anyhow, love y’all 🫶🏽
update as of posting : it did take me over a month to post this i won’t lie…mb 😭
- xoxo, yves <3
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moneyholder · 2 years ago
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Gin rummy x Sweet Black girl reader!
So. This is my first time EVER writing on tumblr. I’m excited!
I haven’t seen ANY tumblr’s of Gin Rummy and I LOVE him. Idk why. But this may be bad. But tell me some things and I promise I’ll get better!
TW: Gunshot, guns, foul language, mention of death, gunshot wound, and children being traumatized.
Not smut, but definitely not fluff.
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Gin rummy, your boyfriend. One of the best boyfriends you could ask for, he acts all hard in front of people but he is such a softie for you and only you. Whenever your in his presence he melts, and he’s a lot nicer. He listens to you, like a dog.
"Mornin’ Rummy. You woke up a bit late so I’m cooking breakfast today. Anything specific you want?" You asked him will putting the bacon in the oven.
"Mmm.. Pancakes." He said in his groggy voice that gave you butterflies. "Uh-uh. No pancakes, you always put way too much Suva’ and you end up all over the place. How about sausage instead?"
"Mm." Was all he said as he sunk back into your neck and taking in your sweet natural smell.
Knock! Knock!
"You get that Rummy?" He nodded his head and rubbed his eyes to wake himself up before opening the door.
"Oh snap! Ed Wuncler the third." Ed? The hell is he doing here?
"My man, Gin Rummy. What’s good baby?"
"It’s all good man, just about to eat breakfast. Come on in."
"I know dat smell from a mile of damn way! Y/n yo ass in here!?" Sometimes Ed annoyed you but most of the time he was cool.
"What’s good Ed." You sapped him up. "Kids..? Since when did you have children?" You asked tilting your head to look at a boy with an Afro and another boy with cornrows."
"Man do I look like I got kids!? These little motherfuckers need some help finding a killer or sum shit." You nodded your head as Ed walked away to talk to Rummy. You decided to talk to them.
"Hey boys, what’s your names?" You got down to their level and gave them a small smile.
"Huey."
"Riley, AKA young reezy."
"Nice to meet you Huey, and young Reezy. Would you boy like some breakfast? It’s Eggs, Bacon, and sausage. And if not theirs English muffins and some peach jelly."
The boys shook their head no at the same. You were so nice to them and your smile was so bright and filled with nothing but care just from seeing two boys you didn’t even know.
You set up plates for Ed and Rummy as the boys and Ed were talking.
"Look, we have exactly 4 hours and 45 minutes to find the X-Bic killer. Can you help us do it?" You heard Huey say as you sit a plate of food down in front of Ed.
"I’ll be dead on his ass Like Spenser: For rucking Hire. I’ll hunt him down and feed him his own testicles, and, I’ll do it in a jiffy. And I don’t care if his momma there his grandmama, innocent bystanders, Lilly kids, babysitters, bill collectors, whatever. I’ll leave his whole block filled with hot brass if I have to. And you know why? Because I just don’t t give a fuck!"
You sighed and looked at him "Try not to get so upset. Eat your food so you don’t go out on an empty stomach, ok?" You have another one of those sweet passion filled smiles to him that made his stomach do front lips and somersaults.
"Yeah- I’m just- sorry." You smiled and gave an apologetic look to the boys. So decent for someone like him.
In the car.
You sat in between Huey and Riley while you watched Rummy load his gun.
"So y’all was in Iraq together?" Riley asked rummy.
"Yeah, we was in Iraq." Rummy said back.
"What did y’all do?"
"We was looking for weapons of mass destruction."
"…Did you ever find ‘em?"
"You know god damn well we ain’t find ‘em!" He yelled at Riley. You need to keep him in check.
"Rummy, chill. He’s a kid ok. Remember what we talked about. Kids ask questions."
He sighed and shut his mouth. "I was looking for butches but they had carpet shut all over ‘em, and I couldn’t see what they looked like. All that was really exposed was their eyes and that wasn’t enough for me. Cuz you know, I’m looking at they eyes and they eyes be pretty and I take their carpet off and then I get a whole tragedy." Ed said.
And then rummy spoke again. "Well no, we didn’t fine ‘em but I always say "The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence."
"What?" Huey said.
You sighed and tried explaining yourself. "What he means is, simply because you don’t have evidence that something does exist doesnt mean you have evidence something doesn’t exist."
"What?" Riley said
"What country you from?" Rummy spoke.
“What?" Riley said the same thing, again.
"What ain’t no country I heard of, they speak English in what?"
"What?"
"English motherfucker do you speak it!?" Rummy screamed in the kids face.
"Yeah.."
"So do you understand the words I’m saying to you!?"
"Y-yeah."
"Rummy please, you’re scaring him." You chimed in ad you put your hand on Riley’s shoulder.
"You ok Riley?” You said to him and he just looked at you.
"… What?"
You sighed.
At the store.
"Aye! Slow your role G! You guys have to pay first!" The cashier said as you looked in your purse for your wallet.
“Damn! Chill out Aladdin Hussein! You know I’m good for it!"
Rummy put his hand your arm to stop you from getting your wallet out of your purse. You looked up at him, confused. He might pay for it.
….
"Look! He got a weapon!" Ed yelled when he saw the cop.
"Hold on! Wait a minute put the gun down!" You saw Rummy play along.
You stepped back from them and up to the children standing in front of them. You obviously weren’t their mother but it was instinct.
After yelling from across the room you heard Huey from behind you. "There is no weapon! They’re robbing the store!" You did t say anything, you didn’t want rummy to go to prison but you also did t wanna get in trouble so you did t say anything.
You watched them all scream at each other as you made sure those kids stayed tight behind you and you closed your eyes as they all argued.
Untill you heard gunshots. You moved as quick as lightning picking up Huey and Riley and setting them behind an isle in the gas station making them stay down.
You loooked past the isle and saw rummy getting blown across the counter and Ed running around. "Rummy! Both of you stay here!" You ran out from the isle to get to your boyfridnyou were so close.
You fell on your stomach. "… God, it’s so warm, like… water on my stomach. It’s so warm… and gooey… and red… and red. It’s fucking red. I just got fucking shot!
Soon the warmth stopped as you held your stomach while screaming in pain.
“Shit shit shit! Cmon- we gotta- we gotta call the ambulance!" You heard rummy yell to ed as you layed on the floor untill feeling him scoop you up and bring you behind a counter.
"Man is you crazy!? We cal the ambulance we gon’ be in trouble too!" Ed yelled back to him.
"You’ll- you’ll be fine- God- fuck! He put his hand on your stomach and pressed on it as you breathed heavily. Everything went black.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You woke up in the hospital to hear light snoring on your lap and you saw rummy, Huey, and Riley all asleep on your hospital bed. Ed was on the couch.
You ran your hands on Rummy’s hair. And he slowly woke up. “You’re awake.” He said to you. “I can see that.” You said back smiling. “How the hell are you still smiling? You just got shot baby. And you’re smiling?"he asked as he held your hand. "Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I’m happy about what happened. I’m just happy we all got out alive and no one died.” He sighed and put his head back on your lap.
“Were the boys ok?” You asked you wondere how Huey and Riley felt. Their just kids seeing all of this. “Huey was giving me a whole lecture about it like he a teacher and Riley thought you were gonna die.” He said looking at them.
“Good thing you didn’t, right?”
“Right.”
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totalfknloser · 9 months ago
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Zakk with a croquette fem!reader headcannons??? 👀
i’m ASSUMING you meant coquette?? as in the aesthetic?? i really hope you did cause i’m gonna answer it like this cause i have no clue what else this would mean lmao and im also using google for reference of a coquette fit so if anything seems wrong forgive me!! 😭 anyways mix of smut and non smut
x. ☠︎︎ .x
⛧ Zakk would LOVE ruining you while you look all cute n pretty! like giving you facials while you’re in your cutest outfit! your hair would be messy but you’d still look real cute in such a sweet outfit with such a pretty fucked out cum covered face
⛧ tbh i think Zakk would probably give you money just so you can go look cute n pretty for him but idk idk
⛧ the cuteness of your outfits and your looks would absolutely FEED zakks possible corruption kink (i feel like he would have one tbh) like for example he would say stuff like “i love how i’ve turned you into my little fuck toy. you were so cute and innocent looking before i ruined you.” while fucking you in like a baby pink mini skirt and white thigh highs with matching pink bows while your eyes roll back into your head for example
⛧ Zakk would secretly love the whole opposite aesthetic thing. like he would be all alternative with loads of satanic imagery, explicit images on his ripped shirts, thick black platformed boots, etc while you’re super cute in a short pastel colored dress with light socks and pretty mary jane shoes!!
⛧ Zakk would also like to have your hair be in a ponytail with bows/some sort of cute hair accessory and your face covered with pretty light makeup while he fucks your throat till you’re almost passed out. as i said, he loooooves the corruption <33
⛧ LMAO i feel like if zakk ever posted you and him online like tiktok for example people would make fun of him and praise you and be like “always the ugliest men with the prettiest girls” or “why do hot girls always go for metalheads” or whatever ORRR MAYBE LIKE 50/50 IDK i feel like they would also be like “goddamn pretty lady AND pretty man?? sign me uppp” shit like that! i can’t decide lol
⛧ a question but do you guys think that zakk would fuck his coquette girlfriend/whoever she is to him to like whatever she listens to like lana del rey or smth or STRICTLY metal? i feel like if you forced him to pound you to lana del rey or whoever isn’t metal, he would secretly DEPISE it but oh you’d look so pretty and so good while he rails you he just couldn’t say no
⛧ okay i refuse to realize zakk doesn’t have a very tiny and small soft side for his girl like he would let you do his nails or make something on him look pretty as much as you’d have to BEG him but if someone mentioned it he would punch them in less than a second lmao
x. ☠︎︎ .x
okay that’s it pretty please please please tell me if anything’s wrong or you want more or anything please i actually love writing this stupid shit PLEASE give suggestions or ideas
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titan-god-helios · 1 year ago
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pt1 of oddly specific things that give me gender affirmation/euphoria (that may not be that odd but i didn’t expect them so shut up <3 /lh):
wallets !!!! a good stereotypically masculine wallet that’s small and leather and still has lots and lots of usability and looks like something a dad would use makes me feel so masculine !! love it
any type of trouser or bottoms with more than two pockets
windbreaker jackets - they make me go “FUCK YEEAAHH im such a boy a man a male tm yessir” and idk why they just do tho, even the fem ones to an extent
plantssss i love plants and they make me feel like a little gardner boy just yessss
energy drinks for some reason ???? they make the internal man dialogue of “IM A MANNN” go haywire so much
hairbands on my wrist and an excess of those wooden beaded bracelets or even stone beaded jewellery
cross earrings but just bc they look cool (i’m an atheist so yuh, i still love people who have religion too, y’all are awesome <3)
doing the thing with your hair where you take hair from one side and flip it on the other with one hand and its kind of like running your hand through your hair but with long hair…. esp of my other hand is on my hip and i scrunch my face ?!?!?!??!? so boyish i feel so good
dancing like an absolute idiot. i dont know why but every time i just do a little jig for myself by myself my gender is just like “yessssss you’re a boy frfr slay king”
watches !! big chunky analogue watches
following on from the last point, clocks too
mushroomsssss they make the more nonbinary side of me jump for joy cause like “yes ofc im a fucking forest goblin dude i love mushrooms im just a goblin guy leave me alone and let me love the shrooms”
sketching in public. it just doessss
camoflague clothing !! i mean this was probably obvious but when i came out to myself and i wore camo cargo pants (with loads of pockets mind you) i just freaked out in joy i felt so manly that day it was glorious
singing !! singing my favourite songs as low as i can go with it still sounding good
just being as stubborn as possible but in a non problematic (for the most part) way. like if you give me the option to make things easier and more convenient or not i’ll choose the harder option. idk it just makes me feel manly (is this toxic masculinity ?? i dont know but i try to remind myself that this only applies to non mental stuff so i don’t end up self-harming againnnn)
being unnecessarily overdressed
not brushing my hair till its perfectly untangled and just letting it be a bit wild - this came with me figuring out that my hair type is waywayway wavier/curlier than i thought my whole life and learning to take care of it the best i can whilst i have like zero products for waves/curls on hand and as a bonus i felt more masc !!
looking at the stretch marks underneath my boobs in the mirror. i have a large-ish chest i think (DD cup), plus i’m a lil chubby, so i have loads of stretch marks around my chest, and the ones underneath look like top surgery scars, so if i’m having a particularly rough day with my chest dysphoria i’ll look at em and feel a bit better
using my stim toys and accommodations with friends and by myself for my autism and adhd - being capable of taking care of myself finally makes me feel really confident and as a result quite masc as well
stimming by flipping my beaded bracelets between my fingers - this is specific to greek and possibly other cultures similar to greece but it’s typical for a lot of greek men to flip long-ish beaded loops (?? they’re not jewellery and specifically made for this but idk what they’re called so) between their fingers in a similar fashion, and it’s a thing that my dad does a lot when bored. whether neurodivergent or neurotypical it’s a very common thing for men and so doing it makes me not only feel good stimming but also feel manly as fuck ! it feels even better now that my mum saw me doing it once and said “what are you a man ??” and being closeted i had to say “idc im just flipping a bracelet why does it have to be gendered” BUT INSIDE I WAS SO HAPPY
playing card games - when i was younger and even now my dad and grandpa would let me sit in on their card games late at night when we visited them in greece and now when i play card games i always feel so calm and comforted and quietly masculine
drinkingggg now hear me out yes im a minor but i’m also half greek so as a result whenever my parents drink im allowed a bit too (under supervision ofc). anyway that out the way, i have a pretty fucking high alcohol tolerance and considering the fact that it comes from my dad (being asian, my mum’s tolerance is dogshit) plus the stereotypical “men can drink more” stuff i feel SO MANLYYYY when i can quite literally drink more than my dad and feel okay whilst he’s starting to be tipsy (just to clarify though, the stereotype is bullshit and should NOT be perpetuated as much as it is, at least with intent. you guys with low alcohol tolerances are just as manly !! maybe you’re even more manly than those with high tolerance !! and women with high tolerances, you’re still very fem and very cool and valid as a woman and those who aren’t binary or aligning you are valid as your gender or as no gender no matter what tolerance you have <33)
caring about myself more. and i don’t mean in a “i’m gonna have a nice fucking bath and be happy about it” way i mean in a “i’m going to feed myself well, drink lots of water, get good exercise and be respectful to myself at the very least” way. and also in the bath way. baths are nice
collecting shit !! idk dude but having a collection of dumb shit just makes me feel so masc and good cause i swear to the stars nearly every dude i’ve met and stepped into the house of has a collection of SOMETHING whether it’s games, books, rocks, crystals, cookbooks and recipies or art supplies or whatever makes them happy. like legit fucking anything and i like collecting stuff too so its a bonus !!
just being nice. just being a nice dude makes me feel so manly
being silly and myself and doing dumb shit and being unapologetic about it (im still working on being able to do this since i struggle a lot but when i can it feels so good !!)
being stupidly loyal to something equally stupid /pos. like yes i have had this stuffed animal since the dawn of time no i will never get rid of her. she’s a genderfuck lesbian rainbow tiger from buildabear workshop who goes by the name of Roxy i will never get rid of her >:(. and so what my ring is so rusty it makes my skin green every three days ?? i clean it and take it off when it gets out of control back off bitch its mine. why are you so concerned about my shoes ????? fuck you i like them how they are (falling apart and dishevelled, the sole is halfway off already and it hasn’t been even remotely okay since three years ago) and they still fit and work so i’ll wear them until i literally cannot anymore. its so fun and it’s such a “just some guy” activity AND it makes my autism goblin feel safe and good too so its great would reccommend
just talking about stuff i like and that makes me feel good but not to anybody in particular. maybe in my notes, maybe on tumblr (like right now !! i’m doing this one right now !!) maybe on my personal dm to myself. it just makes me feel like a boy i love it PLUS i dont actually have to stress about humans on the other end of it so i feel way more confident and comfortable and as a result even MORE manly !!
ice cream on cones. i will not elaborate
travelling and exploring !! like legit anywhere. as long as i’m moving from one place to another and exploring the world i feel so happy and right and also masculine it’s great i love travelling so much. on holidays i enjoy the act of travelling even more than the holiday itself tbh
(to clarify i identify as male but a bit fucked in the gender - if you want a label i still identify as nonbinary but male aligningg <3)
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