#I’m not fucking normal but you all know that bc otherwise I wouldn’t be a haunt actor writing a haunt actor AU about FNAF

[femme-enby]

Screenshots of TikToks that fit “Swamp Monsters, Daredevils, Butchers, and… Jesters?”

Sun, doing his best during those last moments of daylight

(“I wasn’t aware that was something a person could do”) Moon. Moon AF. Bro don’t like rulebreakers.

Reader, after this first weekend, probably.

Daaaaamn… future chapter spoilers perchance????

Also, if you are interested in a general “what is life as a haunt actor like?” But in amusing little videos… haunt.memes on TikTok.

Ngl sometimes I fear that whoever runs it is at my haunt but based off of old posts that is not the case… meaning working at a haunt just be like that, and we’re all potentially masochists bc we keep going back. 🤷‍♂️

Anyway, it’s PRIDE MONTH AND ALSO like… 3? THREE MORE MO TILL MY ACTUAL FUCKIN HAUNT SEASON LETS GOOOOOO RAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

[campirebitesarchive]

besties good news for once

I made an appointment with my rheumatologist Dr SillyName (god I wish I could just doxx him (im kidding) bc his name is so silly I adore him what do you mean you have a s and a c next to eachother im dyslexic how do you say that) and I’m going to talk to him about my mobility decreasing and how much pain I’m in every day and bring up ring splints and wheelchairs with him because he’s the first doctor who ever believed me when I told them I was in pain and he’s the one who diagnosed me with my hEDS and if he tells me I don’t qualify for a wheelchair at least i know it’s coming from a doctor who cares, understands, and wouldn’t lie to me

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

this happened a while ago but i still feel conflicted about it. (tw: mention of germophobia, mention of suicidal thoughts) and this might get very long, so sry about that.

am i (18, F) the asshole for not wanting to try on shoes?

i know that this must sound super weird, but basically i have a pretty extreme phobia of germs and my dad (60s, M) took me spontaneously to a shoe store to buy new shoes.

now i’m also autistic, so this spontaneous change of plans was already pretty stressful for me, but i tried to hide that and pretended to be okay with that.

the thing is that i had only one “clean” pair of shoes (like clean on the inside, not the outside obviously) and like those got dirty/muddy when i was on a walk with a friend and it rained really extremely. the evening after that, i spent like an hour trying to get those shoes clean again bc otherwise i don’t know if i could’ve forced myself to ever wear them again. i did everything i could and even sanitized them like 5 times (i know it’s excessive but it still didn’t feel like it was enough). i can make myself wear them again now but it takes a bit of (internal convincing everytime and like even if i only had them on for a few moments, i change my socks and shower afterwards everytime because i just can’t handle it otherwise.

and basically my dad doesn’t really understand my mental health because i’m not good at explaining it (when i talk about this irl i always end up in tears, no matter how hard i try to suppress that and then i end up feeling bad for crying and then i spiral), but he still noticed my discomfort with my current show situation. that’s why he wanted to buy me new shoes, and rationally speaking, i was very grateful and thought it was a good idea. but emotionally, i was very distraught from the change in routine and i knew that this store was very small and that it’s basically guaranteed that all of the shoes there have already been tried on by someone.

i know that’s technically normal and not a big deal, but it’s honestly really disgusting to me and i don’t want to try on shoes that anyone else has ever worn (and especially not if i don’t know who wore them or when or how clean those people’s feet were). i knew my dad wouldn’t understand that reasoning, so i tried to just say that i don’t like the shoe brands that store has or that i want a different type of shoe or that i don’t like the design etc etc.

and then we came across the exact type of shoe i was already wearing but in black (mine were like dark purple) and my dad was like “great, you like black and you already like the brand and that specific model!” and i obviously had no excuse anymore for why i didn’t like that one. so i just admitted my actual reasoning for saying no to that and all the others.

my dad ended up opening every shoe box and i was right that all of them (in my size) had already been tried on. i really wanted to just force myself to look past that and try one on anyway, but i just couldn’t make myself do it.

i was on the verge of a panic attack tbh (i get those a lot from this phobia), but i managed to kinda keep it in check. my dad and i ended up leaving the store but i could tell that he was really annoyed and so i apologized but that seemed to only annoy him even more.

the car ride home was at first pretty awkward, then it developed into an argument where i tried to explain my phobia but i think i only made it worse on accident bc of the emotions and then we were just kinda silent at each other for the rest, until he tried to make some small talk and i fucked up (because i can’t control the tone of my voice very well due to my autism and i was still emotionally messed up), so then he got a bit passive aggressive again.

when we arrived at home, i hid in the living room (no one really ever goes there currently) and had a bit of a meltdown. i was really spiraling- like suicidal thoughts and googling for a painless suicide method because i felt like such a pathetic disappointment and failure of a daughter and human being. eventually after like half an hour, my mom came looking for me and found me sitting there, sobbing in the corner. she asked what happened and bc i felt really ashamed i didn’t want to tell her, so i said i’d explain later.

i wasn’t really able to stop crying completely that whole rest of the day. like i got some moments where i was outwardly calm, but on the inside, i wasn’t able to really calm down at all until the next day. usually my mom is pretty understanding of my phobia but not of me crying, so i was very surprised when she completely took my side after she heard what happened from my dad’s perspective.

by the time, i had stopped “hiding” in the living room, my dad had already fully calmed down as if nothing happened, but i still felt (and still feel) really bad about it, because i know he only had good intentions and i messed it up completely. my mom told me that he had offered that i could just look up some shoes online and he’d order them for me instead of going to an in-person store for that again, but i’m not sure if that was really his idea bc it sounds more like something my mom would propose. i do like that idea, but because i’m not sure if it was actually his idea, i haven’t said anything to him about it. i just feel really bad that my parents didn’t get a normal daughter, because i feel like my mental illness makes everything harder than it has to be and they don’t deserve that, but i don’t know what to do (therapy is unfortunately not an option currently).

What are these acronyms?

[that-punk-adam]

Maybe it’s because I’m job hunting again, maybe it’s because I just got offered an unlivable/poverty wage, or maybe because it’s 2025 and I’ve watched the price of every single item a consumer could ever purchase absolutely sky rocket over my short life, but I am just so livid.

Rent is high. Trying to find housing that’s not insanely priced is impossible. Having the bare basic bills are expensive bc they’re high. The US basically requiring you to have a license and invest in a vehicle (+gas +insurance +maintenance) because “public servants” refuse to invest into the public by giving them dirt cheap (or free) wide spread, on time, clean and safe public transit that pays people real living wages is horrific. Credit is stupid as fuck and so are background checks.

Life in the USA is set up so that you have to spend money on every single resource that would probably otherwise be available to you if we lived in human and community centric designed cities. Everything from the public to the private has to be bought out and sold back to you in one way or another- and you’ll most likely fall for it bc others around you are falling for it too. It’s not even their fault.

I think people are just now ready for a change. I don’t think that they’re ready for such foreign and exotic concepts like living without money and continuing (or starting) education and projects in things that will help yourself/humanity live better and healthier lives along with nature, but they are ready for a change. What I think Americans are ready for is a change to happen in the system that wouldn’t/won’t move them from the comfort of what position they have in current day society. The only issue is that demanding and seeing change demands that you do, act, and say things that you wouldn’t normally. That, or that they don’t know how to start because there is no pre installed system existing for them to jump into. I don’t blame them, jumping into something when you weren’t raised to do so is intimidating.

We have to make a new way. We have to break rules, because we know that they’re unfair and in the favors of the people with all the resources. We have to come together and say “XYZ is bs and we’re not going to do this anymore”. It has to start local. It has to start small. It has to come from the materials and minds of the community members that actually give a shit. It has to be shared and expressed to others that haven’t even thought about getting together to end the madness in some way.

The only way that we’re ever going to see change at this rate is from ourselves. No more sitting on our asses and begging to higher ups for things we all know we aren’t going to get. Abusers cannot be rehabilitated. Take control of your life and see that these people have no control over yours. See the damage they are doing to the people and world around you and take action now.

[mdemn]

@tankgotstuckinthecircusgate . i was going to reply in the comments but tumblr limits the characters in there and i’m #1 rambler.

i did not necessarily mean my tags in the way you took them. i don’t blame you for this bc you wouldn’t know otherwise unless you were like . In My Brain. however! this is what i meant by that:

when i say hate sex, i don’t necessarily mean that lauretta hates carlo/having sex with carlo out of malice. because you are SOOO right about them being perverts/fucking FREAKS in the bedroom. absolutely same head cannon. sex, to me as well, is the cornerstone of their relationship. the intimacy & physical touch & this type of vulnerability is very important of them and also their dynamics.

lauretta’s sexuality is an important part of her personality in general, because this is where all her personal power (& prowess) comes from. especially for the time she was born. you’re also right about this . like you are right about everything in the world.

i agree that they have a lot of sex, in freak nasty ways, and that eddie was the most Normal and Vanilla one before, and lauretta enjoys turning him out/corrupting him. <- need to elaborate on this so badly, i swear

but what i DID mean by this is this: there are times where lauretta is having sex with carlo, but isn’t feeling the same things carlo is. like lauretta is fucking his brains out & carlo is like ‘god she’s so hot & obsessed with me’ when lauretta is like . thinking about the new fur coat she’s gonna buy with carlo’s money after this. she loves carlo but she loves money just as much. does this make sense ? if not, rest assured i can elaborate further. i can always elaborate further 🙂‍↕️

[strwbrryfire]

tagged by the lovely @wisteriagoesvroom to share the last line i wrote !! ty oomfie <3

this is from the post monza madness thing im working on that will probably never get shared LOL so yall get more than just one line . bc why not

—

There’s nothing he can do to take back what’s been said and it amounts to a voiceless offering—Oscar opens his arms, hoping that Lando comes crawling back like he always does and God fucking forbid the day he doesn’t.

An seeming eternity fills his lungs before they deflate, as Lando fits into the embrace of the source of his heartbreak, “You can be a real douchebag sometimes,” he muffles into the crook of Oscar’s neck.

“I know,” Oscar pulls Lando as close as physically possible, squeezes him on the side of too tight, “I know. I’m sorry. Today was… so bad and it has got nothing to do with either of us, okay? I let them win today, I’m sorry.”

“Our lives are meant to be ruthless, Osc. I just…don’t particularly enjoy you being a part of that,” he leans into the hand in his hair, lets his eyes flutter shut, “I can’t change your mind, though.”

Oscar takes in a shuddering breath and tries to let it go with his hostility, to then bring in the right words to say. Normally, he prides himself on that; the ability to know exactly how to handle any type of situation with a cool, level head. The opposite of Lando, who runs in emotions blazing and hope on his sleeve. It’s what brings them together so stunningly—it’s more than the longing glances and silent understanding. It’s that promise of—

 “I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else, Lan. Don’t ever think otherwise, okay? We’re still in this shit together.”

Lando lifts his head, all teary eyed and exhausted, “Mhm. I’d like to run away now, if you’d drive the getaway car. Since you were apparently fastest today.”

Oscar snorts. His hand runs up Lando’s arm, his shoulder, to then rest on his cheek, “I would have shunted you off the track, then helped you back up and done it again. Can we keep doing that forever?”

Their foreheads touch as Lando leans forward, “If you don’t call me pathetic again, I’ll think about it.”

—

and uh im too shy to tag anyone but if u see this . do ittt

[algolagniaa]

having a disordered personality is the fucking worst. I’m “cured” I guess in that I don’t act crazy anymore and haven’t in a long time but I live in hell every day. I genuinely think if a lot of people had to live in my head they would kill themselves, because I’m a beautiful insanely smart tenacious capable compassionate woman who is well liked and has a lot to be proud of and I KNOW that, but I can’t make myself believe it emotionally. in my head everyone is my enemy, even the people I’m closest to only tolerate me and will leave me forever if I’m not perfect, I’m one mistake away from fucking up everything I try and I have to be perfect because no one will be there to catch me if I fall. my job has been making me so anxious since I got certified and I wasn’t sure why because yeah I get bitten and get my hair pulled a lot but since when am I afraid of physical pain? but it’s not actually the physical pain that bothers me bc all my nightmares about my job (of which I have a lot) are about the kids not liking me and/or getting fired. and I’ve been told I’m doing a really good job but that doesn’t matter bc I don’t feel like I’m in control of what happens at my job at all. and I’m literally So mean to myself in my head all the time and you guys know I can be REALLY mean when I put my mind to it especially if I know the person well. honestly most of you other than mayyyyyybe Oscar haven’t even seen a fraction of how mean I can be, and I know myself the best so I’m sooooo much worse to myself. and it makes no sense because I like myself!! but I like myself the way I like book characters, like I think I would fucking kill it as a book character in really most genres but I don’t think I’m well adapted to real life or well suited to the like actual material things that matter in actual life and not in books. and I’m not going to go into all the things in my life that have led me to believe that bc that’s pointless but there’s a lot of evidence I could use to back my statement up. and if I’m not good at life it doesn’t matter how great I am otherwise. and I think on some level I’m afraid to just let myself enjoy all the good things I have and not worry about losing them bc what if then I do lose them and I’m caught off guard by it. always better to not get complacent. and no one would get this about me bc they think I don’t care what people think about me bc it seems like I don’t, but I actually NEED people’s approval and it only seems like I don’t care bc I’m just that bad at acting like a normal person + even if I did get the act down perfectly I still wouldn’t want to bc then people wouldn’t like ME they’d like what I was pretending to be. but I’m really lonely all the time and never feel like I’m good enough or that people like me and when people don’t like me or even just don’t like me enough it feels like I got punched in the not fun way. and it gets very taxing to live like this. and I think if someone who didn’t have my numerous virtues had to live like this they just wouldn’t be able to hack it.

[heartsoftruth]

THIS is what I have to go through as a Dutch LH fan.

Colleague B to Colleague R: I haven’t seen the race but I’ve heard Hamilton was out after 2 laps?

Colleague R: You mean 1 corner.

Colleague B: HA. HA. Good for him. With his fashion nonsens and annoys ways. Pisnicht. (Dutch slur that’s hard to translate but it’s very degrading towards gay people. I think the most accurate translation would be near the f-word for gays).

So I was listening to this like: 😨😳😨😳😨. Normally everyone in the office knows I’m THE Lewis fan in the company and sometimes taunts me a little. For example another said: “did you watch the entire race or switched off after L1?” Which I find nothing wrong with, but this one clearly didn’t know I was a Lewis fan.

So my other colleague R said to him: if I was you I would shut up otherwise your ass will get beaten up within 2 minutes by the shortest employee (me 😂) or our company.

Me: I’m putting my ears in.

For me it was not worth having a discussion with him. When someone uses words like that having a discussion with someone is useless. It’s like a wall you’re having a discussion with.

282883 hours later.

Colleague B: I heard we have a Lewis fan among us.

Me: *stays typing. Working hard*

Colleague B: or no?

Me: Don’t come knocking on my door after you’ve called him (slur) this morning! *stays typing but fuming on the inside*

Colleague B: *walks towards me* Yeah ok but here. This is what I mean. This is why he’s so annoying

Man comes with an image OFF FACEBOOK with one quote: “I wouldn’t rank him”

Me: ???? Whats the full quote?

Colleague B: Yeah you see!!1!!1 This is what he says about Verstappen huh!1!!1!11

Me: Ok? First of all: this is an imagine on FACEBOOK from *read Facebook group name* without any context 😅😅��

Colleague B: *reads the 2 line caption* here!

Me: that’s a caption not context. I need context. A full quote 😑

*man walks away to make a call. I look up the full quote. Let my other colleague read it (who doesn’t give a shit about F1). Man walks back*

Me: ok colleague B. I have send the full quote to you. Wonder what you think of it now. Hmm. *after a minute or 2* Well? Have you read it? Context hmmm? 😙

Him: Yeah well!1!1!1! I just don’t like the guy. Also all that BLM talk and how he tried to force it upon everyone!1!1!1 And then when Max didn’t do it he got so much criticism and also from Lewis

Me: *already knew what she was dealing with when he came with BLM but proceeded to talk anyways* First of all there was a whole damn hashtag for Max (in Dutch) #Dontkneelforidiots. *adds sassily* context!!!

Colleague: exactly!!!

Me: no that was to SUPPORT Max for NOT kneeling! Besides isn’t it logical Lewis wants to have the entire grid kneeling and tries to convince them? Isn’t a message WAY stronger when 100% kneels instead of 75%? No matter what the cause/message is? Isn’t it way more powerful and convincing to see everyone do it? Now it only shows more division.

*him silent as fuck for a moment* “Yeah well also he’s complaining so much about Max winning now and how F1 is boring but when he was winning 7 years in a row (corrects himself) 7 times we didn’t hear him.”

Me: Also incorrect. Even when Lewis was winning he said his dominance is bad for the sport/bore fans. Mind youuuu: Red Bull even threatened to leave this sport bc of his dominance and I’ve never heard Mercedes say anything like that. Besides Lewis HAD competition and never had it as easy as Max and let’s not forgot that the gap between the #1 and #2 in 2022 hasn’t been that big since 2013. Who won in 2013? Another RB driver: Vettel.

And the ONLY reply I got from him was: well 4 years ago I wasn’t watching F1.

Me: well yeah that’s my plus I’ve been watching F1 for a while so you won’t be able to get me.

[cishetamine]

recently a friend asked me to come over to drop off my annotated copy of a book, and then we planned to kinda just hang out and check out the local bookstore and maybe get dinner or something.

this is a friend i like spending time with, and while we’ve only really hung out once before in person, our time together made a very positive impression on me!

anyway so after a couple times of planning to get together and then failing to do so, i finally make it over to their apartment and drop off the book. so far so good!

and we’re talking and it’s all very fun like before. we have a lot in common, & specifically they like to play Philosophy Debate with me, which is a game that i don’t usually play that much bc most people—including many ppl i consider otherwise very good friends!—tend to find it annoying.

so then we head over to the bookstore. and at first it’s all great—we start browsing, not really looking for anything in particular. But gradually i start feeling like i’m carrying more and more of the conversation, until eventually i start to get the sense that they don’t want to talk to me anymore.

we each find a book—fittingly, mine is a stray from the philosophy section, even though i basically only ever read fiction books these days.

(it’s weird, most of the short-form stuff i read is nonfiction—essays, articles, etc—but most of the long stuff i read is fiction. like i’m honestly not sure if i’ve read a nonfiction book all the way through since college?! which hasn’t been all that long, but still!)

anyway so my friend also gets a book, i forget what, i think it was mao? or they were just looking for mao. Anyway we check out and leave and then as we’re walking back to their apartment they tell me that while they were in the bookstore they got an email.

me : !??

anyway basically this email means that they need to be alone for a while. and so we can’t get dinner or anything that day, and i have no idea when (if ever) i’ll even see them again.

i kinda tried to politely ask them what the email was about, but they said they’d rather not say, so i used their bathroom, got on the bus, and left.

and i felt really bad for them, bc what the fuck kind of email could that even be?!! did their parent or sibling die?? did they not get into the grad program they really wanted? i wanted to give them a hug; i don’t remember if i actually did or not.

i hope they’re okay.

but now i’m left wondering: If i just wanted to get someone to give me their book and then leave, wouldn’t that be kinda the perfect setup?

Pretend everything is normal and then as soon as you’ve gotten what you wanted out of the situation, come up with an excuse to leave?

i don’t want to assume the worst, and i’m honestly not even sure if they’re capable of that level of guile.

But i know i am! like that’s a seinfeld/curb episode plot right there if i’ve ever heard of one. and it’s something i could do, though i don’t imagine i’d relish it—albeit mostly bc i’d be scared of getting caught rather than bc i think it’s inherently wrong.

anyway..if you’ve read this far:

What, if anything, should i do?

like i guess i should assume they’re telling the truth and that there really was an email and i should feel sad about their secret dead sister or whatever.

but if there wasn’t an email at all…well then damn, that would suck too but in a much dumber and pettier way!

[salt-clangen]

Transgender here, honestly? I feel like it depends on how serious you want to be. Like would a warrior cat know the word fuck? Probably not, but whatever because they’re literally battle cats. HOWEVER. I have seen funnier versions where Kittypets and the like are like “you mean The Fucking Car?” Upon hearing what Monsters are.

Also! If you want to go a more metaphorical and wonderous route, may I refer to you the wonderful post of “Why not entertain the thought that God made trans people for the same reason we turn Wheat to bread, and grapes to wine? To, as well, take part in divine creation?” Or something along those lines. Soul is forever shifting like water and such. It could also depend on clan culture, honestly. More traditional clan? It could have to do with Starclans fate. Laid back? Yeah that’s Honeydew they come here every half moon for their herb delivery. Yeah she’s a Molly now.

Also! Now I don’t think you could do this story wise, obviously. You probably have everything written out. BUT! Depending on the kitty, dare I say you could technically have deadnames? Even without the gender, what if that cat resents their old clan and wants to pick a name in defiance? I imagine this would cause problems if still in the original clan, as it could be something of a massive sign of disrespect.

Anyway, sorry for the wordvomit! It got me thinking and these are really specific circumstance I can’t usually yap about.

Never be ashamed of yapping, bc between yours and mine I finally figured out how I wanna write trans/gender queerness in my clans.

Warning: loss ass rambling under the cut

First off, I’m basing some of my “clan cats know this word from speaking with kittypets who hear it from their owners” from the newest comics that show Princess talking about her canned food. If they can understand and utilize what’s spoken to them with enough repetition then I think it can make it into their vernacular and still be considered canon (to an extent)

Now onto my update head canon and opinion:

I think, while kittypets and loners may have heard the term trans, they don’t know what transitioning is or entails, and why would they? Their owners aren’t going to put them on hrt or anything, like it’s just not happening. But the clans (and other cat groups out in the aether) have access to technology and tools that kittypets and loners could never!

So yeah a kittypet may be out there sighing and going ‘I wish I was a molly not a tom’ they have no concept of transitioning and gender affirming care beyond changing pronouns or names. Which is why the clans don’t adopt the term ‘trans’ and instead use ‘shifted/shifting’ it makes sense to me, you’re shifting genders, you take your shifting herbs, you’re a shifted tom cat not a born tom cat. (Born is similar to cisgender and wouldn’t come up very often, it’s not rude just not a topic normally discussed)

And yes we are 100% keeping dead names as a term and we will see it in the next moon, it’s rude to ask someone’s dead name or use it, names can only be changed through leaders or Starclan (through clerics). Basically if you ask for a new name bc the old one gives you dysphoria for whatever reason then yeah, majority of leaders are gonna be cool and name you something else. It’s not super common with clan born cats just bc names aren’t gendered, but no leader is gonna force you to keep a name that makes you so upset. New names aren’t called anything, same with pronouns, no one says ‘preferred’ name or ‘preferred’ pronouns, it’s just your name and to indicate otherwise is rude.

As for the spiritual side of things, I could see the clans being on a spectrum with how they view transness in cats. On one end it’s like you said “the soul is fluid and ever changing and to restrict that is against starclan and all the cats that came before” and on the other end is “yeah of course we can trans your gender, we’ve got fire and tools”. I see the clans as a whole leaning more towards ‘change is a sign of progression and a natural good thing’.

I don’t want to make one clan like transphobic or anything but I’m liking the idea of the clans in general having fairly rigid gender expectations (not necessarily gender roles but ya know) and transitioning is fine but you’re presumed to follow whatever is expected of your new gender identity.

Oh you’re a molly now? We’ll time to stop roaming around so much, you’d be happier in camp most of the day and you’d better start speaking up at meetings, defending your opinions and make yourself heard.

You’re a tom? Well better get ready for a border patrol follow by more border patrols, you don’t need to be hanging out in camp all the time, and don’t raise your voice at that cat, you’d better learn to watch your tone at meetings.

Wait you’re a gib? We’ll be prepared for responsibility and lots of it, born a gib or shifted later in life you’ve got great expectations. Leader, deputy, cleric are all expected paths for you. You’re wise and leader-like, you can’t be acting foolish at gatherings or around the kits, everyone looks up to you and expects you to be great and note worthy.

It all stems from how mollies and toms naturally behave some truth in it, but in the clans it can come with stigma no matter what. With so many cats in one place, constantly surrounded by each other, there’s gonna be some toxicity in the culture.

That’s not to say a molly can’t be a code keeper (which would require a cat to go off into the territory alone often) or a tom can’t be camp keeper, its more so how they interact with each other and what’s expected of them. When a cat acts outside of their gender specifications (born or shifted) it’s considered gender queer/gender non conforming. @bonefall has great posts about gender in the clans that I’m inspired heavily by.

Burnpaw was seen as odd for wanting to be a camp keeper as a tom he should want to be out of camp and out in the territory, but he’s still demure and defers to the stronger opinionated cats. He has no interest in shifting to be a molly, this is considered gender queer or non conforming (I’ll just use gnc).

Wolfstar is the same, she should’ve been assigned gib at birth, due to her shockingly white fur (with a dark coated mother) and the prophecy about her. But her mom (wisely) chose to leave her designation as a molly given the presumptions that would be placed on her (that she’d already seen happen to Ashen). Wolfstar is gnc bc she roams A LOT compared to Snowspeckle or Lynxpaw, she exhibits traits typically of all three genders.

Snow and Lynx are more typical mollies, they like staying close to camp, they enjoy more product based activities (think crafts and medication preparing). Snow can be a little more differing than a molly ‘should’ be as deputy, but she’s communicative. Lynx expresses herself easily and often.

Shadow is very typical of a tom, he likes action based tasks (hunting and fighting etc) and being out of camp. He’s also more preferential to mollies and kits, but very aggressive at borders and with strangers. He’s also fairly quiet and enjoys social activities when he is in camp.

Wolf and Burn are the odd balls of the bunch.

Kits don’t start displaying gender specific behavior until they’re apprentices (irl this would be when cats hit puberty and start having hormonal changes if left intact). When they’re young they just act like any gender and it’s more personality based, then when the hormones are involved it amplifies the habits already present.

These head canons aren’t perfect or exactly how I want it and I wish I’d done more planning before starting the story, but tbh it’s my blog so I can retcon things if I wanna lol

Also I deleted your tldr ask bc I’d be too tempted to keep going and I need to pace myself 😅

In summary:

The clans are the only ones in the area who know how to use herbs as Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).

Clans call this shifting and refer to cats as shifted toms/mollies/gibs.

Cats (in general) have certain expectations of each gender, these aren’t set in stone but do affect how a cat’s actions are viewed to an extent.

Behavior outside of these gender norms are considered gender nonconforming. Sometimes this leads to cats shifting but not always.

Dead names are not uncommon and it’s rude to use one’s dead name or misgender them on purpose.

I’ll make a post about which clan has stricter gender roles than others later, rn I’m just glad I got this far.

[polynesianpen]

no more tears left to cry

last night I had texted asking if I could sleep over and he didn’t respond so two hours later I told him that I understood and that I wouldn’t reach out anymore.

within seconds he texted saying “he didn’t see my message and that I could come over” but atp I was hurt. I cried in bed, tired of the toxic cycle in this stretched out ordeal.

about 20 mins or so I checked the time on my phone and saw that he had called which was a strange move for him, he usually never called unless he was needing for me to open the door when he had arrived.

flattered (deep down), I called him back and we had the quickest exchange on earth where he reiterated his text message and I apologized (I called bullshit but appreciated the phone call and took that as a peace offering )- I told him that I’d instead, be over tomorrow.

all fucking day I thought of this man, how excited I’d be to hug him and love up on him and give him all my attention, but ofc the night would go on differently - per usual.

he greeted me at the door nonchalantly (but that was rather normal for him so I didn’t really think anything of it) and I made my way into his bedroom.

I took off my shoes and he didn’t like where I had placed them bc he annoyingly pushed them further off to the side before making his way in, red flag #1.

I made myself comfortable while he mad chit chat before going out for a quick smoke. I changed and waited for him patiently. I was still so excited to be around him, when he came back in, I embraced him and his body language was cold, red flag #2.

ignoring his dismissive behavior, I asked him if he wanted a massage to make him feel better. he happily agreed and he laid down on the bed and guided me towards where the pain was in his lower back.

I could tell that he was not satisfied and was growing increasingly upset with having to tell me where his pain was.

I immediately felt stupid while he instructed me (as I honestly always feel when he is condescending towards me). I tried to lighten the mood by teasing him and giggling while doing this but that seemed to make him even more upset.

my last straw was when he snapped at me and say to “just try”, red flag #3. excuse me?? I’m helping YOU out, I don’t have to do this shit. what an entitled response to someone who is just trying to help and make you feel better.

I laid down in bed facing away from him and he was too occupied with how he was feeling that he did not care to comfort me or apologize about snapping at me at all, red flag #4 and counting.

trying to make everything ok again, I turned over and apologized for not being able to make him feel better. “it’s ok”, he said obviously still disappointed.

where was this attitude coming from? why was he acting so cold towards me and acting as though I would be ok with him treating me with so much blatant disrespect??

we cuddled and before long he had his tongue down my throat and then stuck his gross ass fingers (full of dirt mind you - doing who the fuck knows what) in my throat too and told me “do you want something else down your throat?”.

unable to really get “in the mood” after the way he had been treating me, “sexy time” didn’t last very long bc I started crying when I realized his capacity to be affectionate towards me was limited to being in sexual favor/nature with him.

caressing my hair and my body and calling me all these sweet names was only a thing when he was sexually pleased with me but otherwise he couldn’t give a rats fucking ass if I lived or die.

what the fuck was I doing there?, I thought.

his toxic and negative energy was sucking the life out of me. he drained me emotionally and physically, I couldn’t go back to this again.

through tears I told him that I hated him and that he was only nice to me when he wanted something and that he was so mean to me and apparently that set him off because instead of trying to validate my feelings or hear me out he got defensive and started yelling at me about how much his back hurt and how it’s been hurting since he was a teenager and how he wished he could die and how much I didn’t understand him and bla bla bla.

this was like a replay of the night we broke up resurfacing itself after almost two years since it had initially happened.

I knew at that moment that he was in fact an emotional abuser, a manipulator and a gaslighter - all of those things I felt before hit me once again.

there was no coming back from this, at all.

no amount of time I could spend with him to bandaid the hurt. it was genuinely over. I couldn’t unsee or i feel these things I was feeling and I refused to be his emotional punching bag (which apparently he’s gotten before so it all makes sense now).

he “hinted” (and by hinted I mean ever so passively aggressively telling me that if I was going to keep being “weird” aka calling him out on his BS behavior that it would be best for me to leave bc he needed sleep) for me to leave (how convenient since I didn’t give him what he wanted 🥜) but I stuck around a little bit more to let things simmer and see if it would get better, it did not.

I could not pretend to lay with that man anymore and be the puppet he wanted me to be. how dare he say I don’t understand him when he doesn’t make the effort to even understand me. this has been one sided the entire time and he has the audacity to say that.

i’ve tried so hard to keep this alive and it’s been in vain bc it’s rigged. I’ll never be able to win his favor because he was never for me in the first place and will never see my worth - ever.

it doesn’t matter how enticing I aim to be or how much weight I lose or how much smarter I get, this man does not respect me therefore does not deserve any more of my time.

I rushed out of his place and didn’t say a word more after that and I heard the door lock behind me with him saying something I couldn’t figure out but didn’t care to figure out anymore because I was so fucking done.

the first thing I did when I got inside my car was block him and delete every trace of him, he doesn’t deserve any more of my time, energy or headspace.

my only worry is the people he will continue to effect with his deep rooted selfishness and limited self awareness or lack thereof.

girls in the past who have been with this man- I understand and I’m happy you’re out of harms way with how toxic this dude is.

he takes the cake on being the shittiest human I know. good riddance.

[euphoricfilter]

hi honeybun i’m back!! i’ve been on depression shit and i fucked up ny sleeping schedule again (only bc i’ve been getting high every day which i normally don’t to sigh) but just wanted to say hi to my fav<3 recently it became colder where i am and it’s just making me wanna cuddle with all seven gorgeous men, but hobi just would be the coziest <3 i saw a lil video promo for his doc and he just looked so fluffy and cute. wanna hold him !! you probs have already answered this but i’m a bit new so i wanna know, who’s ur bias in the group? for me it’s namjoonie but the rap line has my entire heart<333 ofc i luv all of them evenly but my babies :((( also i declared tae to be my twin flame only bc we are literally born a day apart (on a calendar basis he’s like a few years older than me lmao) but i just luv capricorn men so much and we have some sort of the same personality we r basically the same!!!! jk and jimin are my babygirls they r so cute :,))) and as for jin, the man is too beautiful i would just stare at him he intimidates me sm i would be like pls have mercy on me. i would literally be this emoji 😦 if i ever saw him !!!! gonna go dive into some fluff bc im feeling a bit down and then head to sleep soon bc it’s 5:20 am for me and i haven’t slept so gn/gm bae <333 luv u sm :D-🌙

omg you’re back!!!!! honestly me too 😭 since i’ve been visiting my friend i think my sleep schedule has been wonky but alas i’m still alive, i was slowly teetering on the edge of a depressive episode a couple of weeks and and i just 🧍‍♀️somehow pulled through and i’ve been doing okay recently

fave? babes you’ll give me a massive ego, i’m simply existing

koreas been colder than shanghai has been recently but it’s not unbearable so i don’t mind it, yesterday was pretty nice considering how cold it was when i first got here

i saw the documentary video teaser, hobi’s so cool i wanna levitate 🫶 i’m really excited to his creative process, and how he like organized the album, kept up with the schedules for it, just like a deeper dive into jack in the box and what happened behind the scenes, i always find stuff like that really interesting

noo it’s okay, i think i’ve only mentioned it once like ages ago, idk if it’s obvious by everything i reblog but i’m jungkook biased 🫶 that man can get it, there’s no way a man should be that pretty and get away with it, like i want to be him. i could write a whole thesis about why i love that man and why everyone in the world should love him too and he’s so pretty star cutie 🫶

namjoon is 100% my comfort person, i see him and i just ☹️ words aren’t enough to explain how much i adore his existence, if namjoon had to be an emotion then it would either be comfort or reassurance, simply having him there is reassuring enough that you’re doing okay, that simply living is enough and by some weird miracle, he doesn’t know what we all look like but you feel seen 🫶 anyways i love joonie too i just 🫶🫶🫶🫶 if i could only ever say one thing to him i think it would be thank you

idk which members count as compatible? is that the right word, with my star sign. i know me and hobi are both born in february but that’s it 😭

jungkook is the personification of the word baby girl, you can’t tell me otherwise, there’s just something in the way he holds himself that screams baby girl and i love him so much 😭

me if i ever happened to be in the same room as jin 🧍‍♀️

i literally wouldn’t even know what to do with myself except run in the opposite direction

i hope you feel a little better later!!! and have a good day <3

MWAH 🫂🫂 ily <3

[dreamersparacosm]

HII! austin tat is dry and looks so good bff. lmk if u wanna see a pic! i was hoping to get a blurb based of this prompt- ❛ wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look. ❜ from fluff for austin!

speechless - austin butler

note ; bestie i think i speak for all the fans we NEED to see the tat expeditiously. this is a saga i must follow up on. pls update us with a picture <3 also love this prompt bc we love fluffy austin (my cuppycake gumdrop sweetie pie) also i apologize this got so long i fell into a literal black hole while writing it

warnings ; none except for like suggestive language at the end

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

austin didn’t normally lose his train of thought. he didn’t usually find himself out of words to say, despite the shy traits of him that he acquired from his mother. he had always found things to say, even if they were conventionally wrong.

that all changed when he saw you in that red dress.

the wind had been knocked out of him, his stomach doing backflips as his grip on his champagne flute loosened enough for it to almost slip through his fingertips. his heart could be heard in his ears, blood rushing through his body at an increased speed. am i having a heart attack, he thought to himself idiotically. no, he was not, but his body and brain had convinced him otherwise.

your legs teased the outside world through the slit in your dress, your skin radiantly glowing as you spoke politely to the other guests. your lips, plump and pink, parted ever so slightly to speak. he was mesmerized, utterly speechless. if he was any ounce of a man, he would’ve waltzed right up to you and asked for your name. but, it was as if his mother had embodied him, his words no good anymore.

to think, he didn’t even want to be at the event. he had told his publicist earlier he would only stay for thirty minutes, to do his part. now, he couldn’t imagine leaving. he watched you from afar as you seemed to float above the crowd, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you would look in his direction.

but, you proceeded to speak to guest after guest, shaking hands with men that looked at you as if you were a delectable meal for the night. he turned around, looking for someone he could speak to so he wouldn’t appear to be a stalker. i am austin butler, he said to himself, i am successful.

no one in his line of sight seemed as interesting as you.

you had migrated to a different group, throwing your head back in laughter as you went along with the crowd’s jokes. he was trying to hide his interest, watching over the rim of his flute as he took another sip. and, just when he had thought all hope was lost, and that you would fade into another man’s arm tonight, you looked at him. it was one second, just enough for him to inhale the sharpest breath.

then, you did the unthinkable. you looked back at him.

fuck, fuck, fuck. what do i do? he tortured himself. somehow, everything escaped him. he settled for a feeble smile, and to his excitement, you returned it, raising your glass to him. he raised his as well, hoping that would be enough to beckon you over. he watched, heart thumping out of his chest, as you excused yourself from your conversation and began to make your way… towards him. he couldn’t even find enough air in the universe to breathe.

you weaved through the crowd, cheeks burning as you strolled up to him, as if you had been doing it your whole life. he thought he might pass away right there, and someone would have to scrape his body off the floor. he chugged the rest of his champagne, knowing he would probably need five more of those to make it through a conversation with you.

“hi,” you grinned at him, meeting his gentle eyes. “i’m [y/n]. i’m sorry, i don’t normally do this, but i saw you in that elvis movie and, honestly, i won’t lie, i’m a little starstruck right now.”

he was going to kiss baz luhrmann on the lips for casting him in that godforsaken film.

“u-uh, yeah, that’s me,” he smiled back at you, biting his lip as he normally did when he got anxious. “i’m austin. austin butler.”

you giggled, a harmony that made him almost melt to his knees. “right, yeah, i knew that. ‘cause, ya know, elvis and everything.”

“oh, yeah, of course,” he hoped he sounded nonchalant. “i’m sorry, i’m just really dumb.”

you laughed again, a real one, at that. he wondered why he even said that, but he just kept going, words falling from his lips. “this champagne sucks, doesn’t it?”

“worst i’ve ever tasted,” you agreed, eyes sparkling.

“won’t lie, though, i might need to get more to talk to you,” he finally found some kind of liquid courage, stuffed in between his dwindling dignity and his crippling anxiety.

you giggled, “that can’t be true. i’m sure you have girls come up to you all the time.”

“oh, god no,” he replied, and you laughed again as he realized he was basically admitting to you he hadn’t gotten laid in two years. “fuck, now i’m embarrassed.”

“no, no, don’t be,” you reassured. “i like the way you speak to me. finally, someone who isn’t staring at my boobs.”

“right,” he made a mental note to never, ever look at your plump, full breasts. a comfortable silence fell over you two, and it seemed as if you were hanging onto his next word. for some reason, he couldn’t spit out anything. he was too busy thinking of what color house you two would be living in one day.

“i —“

“i —“

“no, you first.”

“no, no, you first. i insist,” you continued to smile at him, pearly whites and all.

“right,” he scratched the nape of his neck, “honestly, i don’t think i was even going to say anything after that.”

you bit your lip, trying to contain the laughter. “oh, really?”

“really can’t speak today, huh?” he shook his head in disbelief, “must be how pretty you look.”

smooth, austin, smooth, he praised himself. and you chuckled once more, feeling a little bit like a schoolgirl with a crush. “stop, i don’t think so! you’re doing great,” you bashfully looked down at your feet, “and you look good too.”

“hey, this might be crazy, but would you wanna, like, get out of here and find some mcdonald’s?” he motioned towards the door, trying to read your face for any sort of inkling of what your answer would be. you wouldn’t have said no, but it was a possibility.

later, when all was said and done — he had already taken you to mcdonald’s and to your hotel, laying you down and lifting up your dress to nuzzle his face in between your thighs — he would remind himself to thank his publicist for making him go to the event.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

join the celebration here!

[xxwithlovefromfaexx]

YOU and HIM

I’m out here bringing my shooters for mc, fuck adam

I actually wrote this before looking back at the YOU and HIM fandom before I posted this and WHOO this one is like...the even worse end for that angst ask that was sent into the vn page imo. This is not a peace offering to adam sjkdbfebfk

Also I’m sorry if Adam seems sort of ooc??? I wrote this purely from a YOU perspective, so if it’s not quite in canon its more bc its how YOU percieve him (at least in this fic, and for the purposes of this one)

WARNINGS: violence, physical abuse (mainly threat of, but you are holding him down here), sadism, guilt, kinda reads like a revenge plot villian arc ngl??? DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT!!

Finally, you held the power. After humiliating yourself to him, servicing the man that held your mind captive for so long.

After giving your sanity to the man that took you from your normal life, stole away your freedom, tore a hole through your regular life just to carve himself into it, you could finally be free.

You could taste it on your lips. It felt liberating, and part of you wished to leave him at merely that. Just to walk out of his life in an instant, as fast as he’d gripped onto you and pulled you into his storm.

But you knew you wouldn't be fully satisfied with that. How could you?

That freedom felt more than liberating, to you. It was intoxicating. And for the amount of pain that he had rattled into your numb bones, this was a feast to your starving eyes. The look of disbelief and shock in his eyes sent you spiraling. You were far from finished. Far, far from satisfied. You wanted more of him.

You wanted his fear to ripple through your body and swarm your insides, coating you in a liquid pleasure. His tears would be a lovely touch, you thought to yourself as you licked your lips at the thought.

You wanted to see him break, just as he'd broken you. You wanted to bridle him and train him just to break him all over again, for daring to think he'd figured you out. Just like he did to you.

“I could forgive you, sure. But, I don’t know if I want to give you that side of me, y’know?” You could hear the smile creeping into your words as you dangled the words so carelessly in front of his calculating eyes. 

Nothing could stop the grin forming on your face now, splitting into the sides of your cheeks. You could tell why he so loved, adored, putting your through this pain.

This feeling...above him now, holding the power he would hold so closely to your throat. The otherwise silent and quick way out- one that he had teased and prodded at you for weeks, months, however long this cat and mouse game had gone on for. 

You had felt so helpless, scrambling for an exit, useless to whatever he had planned for you around the corner. And within it all, you had truly felt yourself give up. You had all but left your body in those moments. It was the only way you could've survived it, in hindsight.

Somehow, your body persisted. It had held strong for that one precious moment, where he finally let his guard down, enough for you to take control. 

For you to allow your mind to once again be present. 

To piece yourself together after every time he broke you. 

Enough for the glint in his eyes to glean with hints of a weakness, that weakness that he would silently admit to you within your most intimate hell. 

That one precious moment that you finally, finally grasped in the palm of your hand. A moment of control.

This feeling, it was...exhilarating. Overwhelming. Consuming. Your body was humming with energy, and you needed to expel it from you somehow.

“You...please...” the soft wobble in his tone was something you shouldn’t have picked up on, had you not been so close to him to hear it. And you wished you didn’t.

You should have been prepared for him to unearth some part of empathy you held for him in you. 

The look of shock had waivered into a look of...regret? As if he should’ve never plunged that knife into you long ago. You should have cackled at that. The two of you were truly past that by now.

It really wasn’t like you to be this...hateful. Resentful. You always tried to understand, regardless of the pain somebody put you through. Because even thought it would never take the pain away, it would make it a far easier burden to bear. Right?

That’s what you had told yourself. Time and time again. From traumatic experience to the painful memories of your past...maybe this was your breaking point.

If he was regretful, if he held shame on the pain and fear he’d caused to you ever since that fateful day...so be it. You wanted to cherish at least some part of that for yourself.

After all, it was him who made you this way. He'd thrust you into this. He thrust you into...this decision...into the actions you’d made, into the person you had become but could barely recognize. He did that to you.

Didn’t he?

No, you realized.

He wasn't capable of that. 

This was a person that you'd let him push you into. 

It was necessary, you'd admitted to yourself. There was no way your weakened mind could handle all of this before his incessant meddling. The high that you were on now was only something you'd achieved through letting yourself break to his will.

So you laughed. You let loose, embracing the shrill, howling laughter that echoed through you, that shook your body to your core. You could feel the vibrations it sent through his body. 

You pushed yourself deeper into his skin, deep enough to bruise. You pushed yourself down onto his elbows, and he let out a grunt in pain. You tutted at the sound, as let your voice drop to nothing but a sweet whisper in his ear.

“Maybe things could have been a whole lot different. If you never thought to put at knife into me, for one,” The growl that followed through with your words made him flinch at the sound. You smiled.

“If you’d never thought to hunt me down to the ends of my sanity. Maybe I’d even try to understand you. To love you,” Your eye twitched as you leaned down close to his, so close you could feel his shallow breath on your skin.

“I suppose I can forgive you. After all, you've given me nothing but time already. Don't worry, darling. I've been through your hell. Now, I think it's time I showed you mine,” You let out a dry chuckle, and sat back for a moment with a deep inhale.

That feeling of power was overtaking your senses, and your legs pushed him into a vice like grip. You couldn't get too cocky now; it would be embarrassing if he knocked you off of him when you were only just getting started here. You knew too well that even this was a vulnerable state to be in.  

You could get lost in it-just like he had, not even moments before.

Back when the tables were turned, when it was you fighting for your life and everything that you held dear seemed to be escaping your grasp like falling sand in your fingertips.

This time you weren't helpless to Adam’s unforeseen desires. Now it was you who held everything. And you didn't want to lose that. You wouldn't fall for the same tricks you played on him.

So where should you hurt him first?

[omegahime]

random aew sex headcanons

(bc we’re all starved aren’t we)

warnings: smut (obvi, minors dni), afab!reader, mentions of…a lot of filthy things.

matt jackson

everyone talks a lot about matt being a soft boy and while it’s sweet i kind of think otherwise

he’s incredibly possessive and it shows during sex

a lot of marking (on both sides lowkey, he’s definitely come out to the ring with your nail scratches on his back) he loves leaving hickies on you and prints on your ass

stroke game go craaaaazy it’s like he knows your body better than yours he knows exactly how to make you whimper

so cocky about it too, a lot of teasing. “i’ve got you wrapped around my finger, pretty baby.”

also has a huge praise kink please tell him how good he’s doing it fuels him

however very very soft afterwards. so intimate, so loving. pampers you, doesn’t let you lift a finger.

holds you close to his chest and gives you so many kisses. tells you he loves you more than anything.

nick jackson

okay super duper cocky helloooo probably just as cocky as matt really

as i mentioned in my young bucks kinks post, he really takes his time with you.

has a huge kink for turning your brain to mush without trying too much

likes to tease you for a while, have you practically begging for him to fuck you and then when he finally does you’re just beside yourself with pleasure

this also fuels him. fuels his ego big time.

lives for some good head, really likes gathering your hair in a ponytail and fucking your throat until you’re drooling and your eyes are tearing

he’s also kind of disgusting in the best way. likes to cum in your mouth then kiss you. then spit it back in your mouth. (maybe i’m just going off on a tangent here but wouldn’t that be so hot wowww)

hook

when i tell you i’m suddenly enamored with this man (i hate that i’m so weak for floppy haired fuckboy types)

i don’t necessarily think he’s inexperienced when it comes to sex. i mean yes he’s young but he knows what to do, he knows what you like

pays a lot of attention to you and the things you say when it comes to sex. notices the way you squirm when he praises you, notices the small gasp when he hooks (haha-) his arm around your waist and tugs you close when someone’s getting too friendly with you

because he’s normally so stoic and doesn’t necessarily talk a lot the things he says during sex really hit hard

a lot of “that’s it. you’re doing great, baby.” lowkey puts your pussy on a pedestal like. he’s so cuntdrunk when he fucks you, he can’t get enough

thinking about him groaning in your ear, “fuck this pussy is so fucking good.” that’s just really good

i also think his pet names for you are lowkey degrading not in a really severe way but i rather like the idea of him constantly calling you a brat and making fun of you for being pouty whenever he’s not giving you enough attention

kenny omega

kenny definitely has a mean streak but i kinda feel like in general he’s relatively soft?

he’s not above trying new things, quite likes choking you.

but he also kind of loves it when you take control (a la, fka twigs. “i’m a boss in my life, do i really have to boss in the sheets?)

listen i just love sub!kenny, he kind of loves being used by you. fucking loves you pinning him down and riding him as much as you want, holding his face and staring into his eyes

oh wow does he love breeding you too oof don’t you just wanna be pinned down by him and his big ole pecs

kenny gives great head too wow. loves it when you tug his hair, loves it when you ride his face. i can also kind of see him liking anal 🫢 like fucking you while you have a plug in

gets a real kick out of the fact that he can make you squirt

i called him soft and proceeded to talk abt filthy things i love making no sense

(i wanted to do more but i’m gonna be late for work ; ^ ; )

[issamultistan]

1:45 PM / 13:45 | nishimura riki

paring: highschool!riki x gn!reader

wc: 770 (seven hundred seventy)

warnings: cursing

contents: nonidol!riki, highschool!au, crushes!au, idiotstolovers!au, fluff, humorous (gen z humor i’m so sorry), race neutral reader, riki flirting, hand holding, first kiss!!, just you and riki in l*ve <;33

notes : hello please read this before reading!

i am a smut blog to any newcomers that might see this bc of the tags. please don’t follow me if you are uncomfortable with that content/thought i was a fluff account. soft blocks are okay, i just wanted to say something just in case!! i didn’t want any miscommunication or misinformation <333

anyways this was a special one bc riki has just been in my head bc he’s just??? so??? cute???? gn passing away rn i love nishimura riki rn !! also if you recognize this manga panel i love you marry me

LISTEN AS YOU READ:

he was a mess. you were a mess. this was a terrible idea. at first hanging out with riki on a bright, sunday afternoon on the nearby river bank seemed like fun, it was not. riki constantly claims it wasn’t a date but, if riki couldn’t keep stuttering, “sunday— we— us— hangout?” when he originally asked you back on friday, then you would’ve thought otherwise.

i mean, could i blame you?

the quick glances at each other, both of your cheeks heated, and the awkward periods of silence definitely showed the fact that you were in love with riki, and he was in love with you. the way your friendship first started by causing trouble in mr. noh’s chemistry class in year nine to shamelessly flirting with each other just a year later in all of the classes you shared. so, why are you so nervous? probably the fact you wanted to absolutely fucking bawl right now at the idea of confessing.

“you look pretty today, y/n.” riki says in uneven breaths. playing with the green grass beside you, a simple “thanks” left your lips. even though your lips parted to say something more, you just couldn’t. you couldn’t bare the image of the both of you on separate sides of the gingham picnic blanket, it was embarrassing. this was supposed to be more fun, not awkward. this was all ruined, you loved riki, you really did but, how in the world are you going to get over this?

it wasn’t until you felt the blanket shifted weight. with a small look, you see riki is now sitting next to you, adverting his eyes. he was staring down at the river, contemplating what he should do next because at that moment, sitting closer to you was the boldest thing he could do right now. your lips twitch a bit before exhaling lightly, only to be caught off guard by riki staring at you lovingly. what was he thinking? that’s the point, he wasn’t.

“what’s with the goo-goo eyes, you ass?”

“can i not look a beautiful human, you dick?”

your eyes widened. what did he say? your eyes frantically look at your hands, trying to contain yourself from screaming your head off. nishimura riki literally called you beautiful. he only ever called you pretty or cute. this was such a foreign feeling, you didn’t know how to properly react. riki laughs at your expression, your eyes were bulging out of their sockets while you twiddle with your thumbs anxiously. he takes his hands and cups them with your own, forcing you to look into his brown eyes that were so full of love.

nishimura riki’s hands were holding yours.

you were holding hands with him.

the action made your stomach flair with butterflies. he never acted like this. riki would only teasing poke at your sides when he would flirt with you at school, not full on hold hands with you! the more you stared into his eyes, the more you noticed him as a whole. his black hair was parted differently, his normal hoop earrings where switched out, and his lips... they looked more plump than usual. you wouldn’t have noticed these things before, you were to shy to even look at him just a few minutes ago.

a few more seconds went by. the only thing your mind could comprehend was riki, just riki, just him. you almost thought time slowed, you were too engrossed in his lips, and he felt the same about yours. riki finally spoke up, breaking the silence.

“may i kiss you?”

“yes, of course.”

“입술과 입술이 닿았을 뿐인데” (lips and lips only touched)

“세상이 달라 보여” (the world looks different)

both of your lips slid over each other so smoothly, perfectly molding against each other before sweetly pulling away. riki then smiled, the first time in awhile since he kept of nervously pursing his lips the entire time he was with you. obviously, you reciprocated the smile. suddenly, you saw his hands were still entangled with yours, his lips were wet from the kiss, and your legs were pressed on to his, nearly making you sit on his lap. then, it hit you.

nishimura riki kissed you.

you kissed him.

“we just kissed.” you breathed out, noticing your heart was beating fast.

“you think so???” riki questions, his heart beating just as fast.

“why’d you do it?”

“maybe because i like you?”

“...”

“then why’d you say yes, dumbass?”

“well i don’t know, i like you too, idiot?”

“OKAY???”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN OKAY???”

“...”

“...”

“so we dating or not.”

“are you shitting me? i’m going to smack you.”

“I’M ASKING A QUESTION, BITCH???”

“ugh... fine we are.”

“왠지 모를 불안감 근데 벅찬 마음” (i feel anxious for some reason, but my heart is overwhelmed)

“더 좋아 더 좋아 네가” (i like it better, i like you)

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