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kiarabanetmi · 1 year ago

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Hazbin Hotel: Episode 4 Discussion

I’m here to discuss my opinion in the controversey/arguments/backlash regarding episode 4, specifically the lack of trigger warnings and the Loser Baby song. If this triggers you or you do not want spoilers please keep scrolling and have a good day.

So brief overview before the episode: this episode dealt with SERIOUSLY dark topics that made my stomach turn, through Angel Dust and his servitude to Val. He’s an abused, trapped victim in a horrendously horrifying situation, one that many people in the real world are stuck in or have experienced. And there are very real S/A moments in the episode, specifically during the BDSM filming scene and the throughout the rest of the Poison sequence. (Please note, as a person who has lightly participated in BDSM and is constantly trying to learn it, KNOW THIS IS NOT TRUE BDSM! BDSM involved safety in losing one self, with a TRUSTED PARTNER/S and a safety system in place so all parties can be comfortable, secure and SAFE and not judged for stoping). And the fact that there was no trigger warning other than a 18+ rating is actually very troubling. Amazon, get your ass in heat and give a trigger warning on this episode! This is a legitimate concern.

This scene is haunting. And it did its job well. We see behind Angel’s facade, how he had learned to survive the abuse and r*pe he suffers from Valentino and who he’s forced to have sex with for him. And we also see he’s still a good person under it. He knows his situation is fucked and tried to keep Charlie away for her own safety and tried to protect her from Val as well.

Then he goes home and starts to self destruct. Husk was right. I’ve self destructed for different mental health reasons and even though my actions and way of self destructing is different from Angel’s, the mindset is the same. He’s been through hell that day, and the facade he put up is being criticized and put down by Husker. His safely net is being taken criticized and invalidated (even if it’s not healthy but just the best thing he can do in this unwinnable situation).

The the bar scene and the confrontation happens, as well as Loser Baby. The main critiques I see are these:

One: Husker is trying to compare his situation to Angel’s, which is “inappropriate and callous”. I mean, angel is S/A’rd for hours on end by strange men and Val daily/weekly and Husker is just indebted to Alastor right? There’s no comparison. Well that’s wrong for two reasons in my eyes. Firstly, we haven’t seen what Husker goes through with Alastor. What does Alastor have Husker do? Could he force Husk to do things, awful things, like Val does to Angel, just differently? We don’t know. But he doesn’t have control of his own life due to his own choice and situation, just like Angel. Second, I don’t think not trying to compare his situation to Angel’s, he’s trying to relate to him. Notice how Husk only tells Angel about his past AFTER Angel actually breaks down and tells him about how he tries to escape and hope to break enough that Val will get tired and let him go. That was the TRUTH, so Husk responded in kind. He’s not trying to compare his experience. Angel was finally honest; so tired and in so much pain he couldn’t keep up the facade and showed the truth. Just like Husk wanted. And in return for that honesty, the honest Husk kept telling and telling Angel to be, Husker opened up himself and shared him pain and past. (Also the fact that Husk was an Overlord is so fascinating and I hope it’s given more background information at some point! What he an Overload of gambling? Did he own his own Casino or business? What was his “department” or “specialty?”)

Second: Husker is telling Angel to “suck it up and accept his situation as hopeless,” and just punching Angel while he’s down. That’s not the situation at all, at least in my point of view. Remember, Angel is used to people complimenting him on his looks and videos by sick and greedy fucks or just being beaten and told he’s worthless by Val through physical, sexual, and verbal abuse. So what makes Husker calling Angel a loser any different? The fact that Husk is saying he’s a loser as well. He’s no longer seeing himself as better than Angel, or at least better than the facade Angel puts up. He’s also including himself in the saying. He’s saying “you’re a loser, and so am I.” He’s not saying “I’m better than you” or “suck it up, it’s hopeless so suck it up and accept your fate.” He’s bonding with Angel in the fact that they are both in shitty, fucked up situations (ones both of them chose: you have to WILLINGLY offer/bet your own soul) and instead of being fake with each other, they can open up to each other and understand each other. Val calls Angel a loser because he sees himself as better, and sees Angel as his property, and due to the soul contract he is. No one else calls Angel a loser cause he’s one of the most famous and valuable pornstars and assets in hell. Husker calling Angel a loser is to make him see that they’re alike and Husker is being brutally honest for the right reason. He’s right they are losers. Both of them are indebted to psychos who literally hold their lives in their hands. They have no autonomy and no way out and were there due to their own choices. (This does NOT mean they deserve what they get! And this does NOT mean that what Val does to Angel ok! It will NEVER BE OK!)

Three: everything is resolved after the song and we’re supposed to believe it’s all better? The song solved nothing right? It’s just fluffy bullshit shipping fodder to distract and devalue the hell Angel went through not even ten minutes ago. Well yes and no. It didn’t solve Angel’s situation at all, not even close. There’s still no idea as to how to free Angel from Val or make his situation better. And Angel will still have to go back to Valentino and be abused by him and those he has to work with. It doesn’t solve Angel’s plight. But that’s not the point. This song is supposed to be a turning point, even if it’s a small one. Until this point, Angel had only acted in his armor facade around husk, and Husk hasn’t bought it or even liked it. He said as much multiple times. At this moment, during this song, Angel and Husk finally begin to see eye to eye, and that they can be someone real to each other (the extent of that relationship will be explored down the line I’m sure), but they’re not immediately best friends or anything. It’s a start. And Angel realizes that while also having Charlie in his corner despite her severely bad attempt at helping on the porn set, he also sees that Husk is also someone who is like him and he can relate to. When you finally find someone who has been through a similar he’ll you’ve been through in a horrible situation, it does feel good. It makes you less alone. And when you are less alone you can start building a better foundation to become stronger.

These are just my POV on the episode. If you don’t agree with anything I said then that’s fine. I was just sharing my own opinion. And that’s what it is, an opinion. Not everyone is entitled to feel the same way I do. If this episode makes you hate the show now and you don’t feel comfortable watching anymore then that’s fine. This show has a very specific audience. My father and mother and some of my friends would never watch this show for various reasons, and that’s fine.

Hope you’ll share how you felt about the episode.

I may also make another post later about Poison and how some of the lines actually can relate to all forms of abuse, even domestic abuse and not just S/A.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel S/A scene #trigger warning #tw s/a #s/a mention #huskerdust #angel dust #husker hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel poison #Hazbin hotel loser baby #hazbin hotel valentino

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kuramirocket · 1 month ago

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Hey I’ve seen your post from a couple while where you called out a couple antis for harassment (and who were drawing proshippers getting killed)

these people banded together to create an anti proship confession blog. The owner of it revealed that they’re 14, the majority of their “friends” are in that age range or slightly older (with the exception of rainbow star heart)

what’s super concerning is that they talk a lot about kink, sex, rape and nsfw of real children and fictional characters who are underage. They’re still stalking other proship blogs, especially if someone sent them asks about the situation

I’m also concerned about your-dead-girl-forever because they’re a minor who is relying on a complete stranger to be their online “parent”. Their friends said something like “‘it’s’it’s just pixels bro!’ yeah and these pixels are forming something that looks like a child with their tits out” which is really weird to say??

I’ve tried reporting all posts which talk about the aforementioned topics but tumblr really doesn’t care, meanwhile they’re going around calling a person with WWII OC’s a Nazi despite them explaining they aren’t one

Yeah, I have seen that anti proship confession blog and everything going on between rainbowstarheart and your-dead-girl-forever.

It's definitely concerning because your-dead-girl-forever seems to be mentally unwell and should not be engaging in 'discourse' at all. Especially not with people they think are "pedophiles." Seriously, idk why some antis, especially minor antis, think it's okay or even safe to go yell at people they think are dangerous. For all they know the person they are harrassing or talking to are legitimate offending pedophiles or just people who will not hesitate to doxx/harm them.

If they really hate proshippers that much then they should just block and move on to not see proshippers or the content they post anymore. And to keep doing that no matter how many times they have to or how annoying it is to constantly have to do so. There's no point in responding to any and all hate they receive.

Which btw, any proshipper who is engaging in harrassment should not call themselves a proshipper and should not even be in the community. Proshipping is ship and let ship, but also anti harrassment.

And also like you said, minors should not be taking about sex or anything underage, fictional or not, with complete strangers, especially not with adults. I mean, with their same age friend group, okay, I get minors are curious, but still if it's with someone you only know online, you need to be safe and careful. Especially, cause you know some people may be lying about who they are and their age.

Which is why, as I've always said, education about internet safety and real red flags is so important, not the angry fear mongering that antis do calling everyone pedophiles for transgressive and sexual fictional works involving 'minor' characters or not.

This is why I made this post with the resources and links where I got the information at the bottom of said post.

And honestly, I wouldn't trust someone who claims and acts like a 'parent' to minors. For one, I seriously doubt rainbowstarheart is even a professional mental health expert with years of education and experience. It's one thing to try to help and give advise to someone, but rainbowstarheart is probably not even qualified to help a mentally unwell minor who seems to also self harm. Your-dead-girl-forever needs actual professional help if they want to get better and what they're doing of screaming at proshippers and others online will not help them in the least. They're just surrounding themselves with more toxicity.

Anyways, at this point. Idk what can be done. Reporting these accounts is good, but the fact is they'll probably just make more accounts anyway. Plus, even if a person tries to genuinely reach out, their group will just scream and laugh at the attempt anyway. They'll likely just ignore anyone that's not an anti or part of their group. Human beings are social creatures that just react like this and who want to be with people with the same mindset, sometimes without even realizing it.

The best thing that can be done, I think, is 1) DO NOT harrass them and 2) maybe just send links and information to studies and research by professionals that will help them be safe online and recognize actual red flags and warning signs. At least this way they will be informed and hopefully be safe.

Though, you should keep in mind they may disregard this information, regardless. I know I've seen antis sneer at professional information and tips regarding online safety shared by proshippers because it's "proship propaganda."

Unfortunately, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped or is unwilling to recognize that they are unwell. They have to make the descion for themselves.

Also, please don't beat yourselves up over this situation. If you didn't partake in these people's harrassment, then you have nothing to feel guilty over. Just remember, we have so much resources, links, research and studies by mental health and sex experts that prove engaging in fiction involving taboo topics and all sorts of fcked up sht in fiction is not a crime or will somehow turn you into an evil monster. That's not how any of it works.

Also, go through my proship resources and information tag to see a list of these studies that prove what I am saying and what proshippers have always stated from the start.

Coping through fiction (drawing, writing, etc.) IS helpful to victims. It may not be for everyone and may actually be triggering to some people, but again, this is why professionals will work with their patients to find what works best for them in order to heal. If a coping mechanism is shown to actually be doing more harm than good to an individual then yes, any good mental health professional will look for something better. Again, coping via fiction can be very helpful while for others it may not be good for them. It all depends on the individual.

As for posting this type of content online. A person has every right to do so if they want to. The important thing is to tag appropriately and put clear warnings for said content so people may avoid any triggering and uncomfortable topics.

You should create whatever fictional content you want.

Don't let antis convince or intimidate you otherwise.

#asks #rainbowstar-heart #your-dead-girl-forever-200k #antiproshipconfessions #proship safe #proshippers please interact #anti anti #profiction #tw: self harm

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tea-with-evan-and-me · 4 months ago

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It's heartwarming to see Evan content and in a healthy relationship. Following his role as Dahmer, I was concerned about his mental health; it was a challenging character to portray, and the backlash was significant . It's digusting to see people who wished for his breakup with Natalie appear so bitter. They would rather see him alone and unhappy than joyful and in a relationship, under the guise of "he's endured a lot,he deserves better." he's seems happy but the delusional ones can't accept it

well said anon. there’s absolutely no legitimate reason we have been given to be anything other than happy for evan. 🤷🏻‍♀️ not saying some jealousy isn’t normal; i’m speaking to these fabricated narratives made up to justify hating natalie. many fans were worried post-dahmer because of the toll it took mentally, but now that he seems to simply be living and enjoying life with his girlfriend, it’s a problem.

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alittlefrenchtree · 1 year ago

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@ "I know well Internet is shit" Anon : I’m late to answer not because I was ignoring you but I couldn’t do it sooner. Sorry about that 🙏

I’m not posting your ask not because there is something wrong with it but because I will always do what I can to prevent putting any sort of spotlight on things that shouldn’t be highlighted. For the sake of the understanding of this all conversation, Anon is pointing out the many ways Taylor has been a target of Internet people (mostly for stupid reasons) and why he seems to be more of a target than others. They’ve mentioned racism being the only reason they can think of, that and people being blatantly mean on the Internet.

[My answer turned out to be some kind of thoughts dump that are more or less articulated and sometimes barely even legitimate points. So read them as what they are: just thoughts]

I globally agree with you. Many people on the Internet are not much different than uneducated bullies in school. They’re going to pick up someone to bully over a stupid reason and that’s it. And I mean it could be anything. Being a poc is one of them but we’ve seen people being targeted for being too old to interact with their fave (as many young people seems to see as some sort of crime if there is more than a 18 months age gap between two people saying hello to each other), too tall, too short, too rich, too poor or because they’ve once been seen in the same room as someone they don’t like. It’s all so very stupid. The reason why bullies are bullying never comes from the victim. They bully to feel better about themselves, because they’re frustrated and sad.

That being said, of course there is racism in this that shouldn’t be dismissed in any case. The constant talk about the shade of his skin, whatever it comes from director, casting people or people of the Internet is revolting in itself. People targeting because he’s not white enough or not brown enough or whatever other non sense you can read and here is disgusting.

Is it the main reason why he’s a target? I don’t know. Probably. Is it the only reason? I’m not sure but I have theories.

Like said, being a public person automatically makes you a target.

In the case of Taylor, I have several ideas. And to be clear, none of the reasons I’ll list is me saying this is his fault or that he should act differently. Again, being the target of bullying is always the bullies’ fault and they should be changing their behaviors.

-Him being very present on social media is making him an easier target. Even if some of his posts could be very much handled by someone else, I believe many things are coming from him directly and it shows. There is a reason why public people stop using their accounts all together or give their accounts to be handled by someone else as a job. It’s almost impossible to do it yourself without threatening your mental health. It’s not natural for a human being (and brain) to be on the receiving end of that much attention, scrutiny and hundreds of thousands of people in general. It’s like mentally living in a zoo, without much breaks to breath. And look at what living in a zoo does to animals.

So Taylor still being here (and him still trying speaks volume about the person he is) doesn’t help. People tend to think they’re close-ish to him or can be close or can get to him or be seen or whatever and they thing they have some kind of rights over him. That they can held him accountable for everything and anything they want.

The thing is, when a public person completely disappear from social media, there can be another effect: "since they’re not going to read it, I can say the most atrocious things on their @ or DM, it doesn’t matter since no one is reading them". Which is kind of bullshit because when you said things on a public platform, even deep in the dark sides of the Internet, you never know who is reading and who you’re hurting. But it can work for the public person concerned, because all you have to do is never look at your public accounts and all of that disappear since these very brave (no) people only exist on the Internet.

-Him being kind and giving and generous could be a reason. It’s all theoretical obviously but someone who is nothing but nice can make people a bit itchy? Since people love to criticize they would try to find a reason to do it, even if there is none?

-Him having an active fandom ready to defend him each time probably doesn’t help. People usually express themselves on social media to get attention, and it’s known that, very often, the meaner you are, the more terrible the things you say are, the more attention you get?

-Even if beauty privilege is a thing on certain situations, him being so goddamn beautiful and coming from a fashion background probably doesn’t help him at the start of his acting career. It’s hard to be taken seriously as an actor in general, but when your background could somehow (rightfully or not) imply that you got to the acting industry thanks to something else than you acting talent (by being too pretty for you own good, for example), people can be quick to react a certain way.

-…which is related to (hopefully) my last point. I’m not sure how to say that without sounding disrespectful because this is very much not my intention but… For now, his career is too light (and, like a previous ask was saying "romcom oriented" for now) for some people to take him seriously as an actor? Again, this isn’t my saying or saying anything about him or his amount talent but saying everything about people who are making him a target because of that.

You’ve rightfully mentioned many other things. The comparaison with Nick was inevitable, sadly. It happens all the time when a duo is making something big, people are going to take a side and compare because people love that unhealthy habit of comparaison.

You’ve also mentioned that stupid twitter people who woke up the other day and decided to wrongly use the queerbaiting debate ONCE AGAIN and throwing Nick’s name in the mix. It’s a all other subject that would deserve a whole post but that kind of fake and performative activism makes me so angry because it actually makes so much wrong (for everyone and for queer actors and actresses). Hiring openly queer people is a legitimate and important fight that should be fought but god some people are doing it all wrong.

So yeah. All of this rambling to say: Yes, it’s probably racism sometimes. And yes, it’s probably other stupid reasons as well some other times.

Again for those who will be quick to misread my words and jump on the wrong conclusion.

The reason why bullies are bullying never comes from the victim. They bully to feel better about themselves, because they’re frustrated and sad. None of the reasons I’ve listed is me saying this is his fault or that he should act differently.

I’d say sorry for the rant but you’ve started so I’m just going to shake your hand I guess? 🤝 You said it makes you sad and I’m so sorry for this. Whenever you feel like it’s taking you down a bit, go write something nice to Taylor on instagram or threads or whatever. Don’t mention the bad, don’t say sorry for something you’re not responsible for, just tell him how much his previous work mean to you. How excited you are for his next projects. Show support and love, it’s all that matter in the end 💜

#alft asks #taylor zakhar perez #tzp

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summerlinenss · 4 months ago

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Just to piggyback onto your post about the Time Bandits/Yi/Taika post, concerning Yi’s claims… I’d like to point out this is not the first time (or even second time) they have made similar accusations while working on a production. This goes as far back as to their days as a cast member on House. I don’t have any links, but Google should bring up their past comments. I don't like to assume *nothing* happened on any of those sets, but there's a pattern of behavior emerging that makes me take their claims of being a victim with an even bigger grain of salt. Or at least gives a skewed picture of what's happened.

re: this post

yeah i’ve talked about this with some other people and it really makes me question the validity of their claims. i think they’ve legitimately made allegations of abuse and/or discrimination against people from like more than half of the projects they’ve worked on.

as you said, i’m not suggesting that nothing they’ve alleged has ever been true, because i’d hate to think someone would even be capable of lying about those types of things. but this is a very clear pattern of behaviour. at the absolute least, i get the sense that they have a tendency to exaggerate to make their accusations sound worse than they actually are to garner sympathy.

i just have a really hard time believing (or at least understanding why) a grown adult with agency would willingly stay in the industry for decades if pretty much every single job that they’ve had has been traumatic for them in one way or another.

i recognize that they identify as neurodivergent and apparently had pre-existing trauma and mental health issues before even working on time bandits (which i won’t get into for obvious reasons). and i can fully empathize with how stressful and overwhelming it is to cope with normal day-to-day life as a fellow ND person, let alone how much worse it must be on a chaotic set. however, that is also your responsibility to learn how to handle and address your own needs and to inform your bosses/coworkers of the accommodations you’ll require, regardless of what field you’re in. not to expect them to bend over backwards for you and complain about neglect or abuse after the fact.

i could say a lot, but all in all, i just find it really suspicious. i wish i could take it in good faith and trust that they’ve genuinely had extremely shitty luck, but it all seems rooted in a severe martyr complex. and i just don’t feel comfortable taking their full word for anything that allegedly happened, especially when they keep changing their story just to make people (especially fellow minorities) look bad.

#asks #anon #cw: abuse mention

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venusstadt · 2 years ago

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youtube

Are the kids alright?

According to recent news reports, they seem to be anything but, especially the girls. Earlier this year, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention published a study that found that in 2021, almost three in five girls in high school considered suicide (Ghorayshi and Rabin), a number that has increased by 60% in ten years (Twenge).

Overall, the mental health of teenagers in the U.S.—already burdened by concerns about climate change and school shootings—only worsened thanks to pandemic-induced anxiety and isolation (Webster). This, of course, is on top of things such as figuring out their own individual identities (Webster).

If there’s anything that last week’s discourse surrounding Sydney Sweeney has proven, is that tween and teen girls have always had a rather tough time navigating that weird space between childhood and adulthood, that space where puberty feels like a mortal sin and any legitimate questions and concerns one might have about themselves or the world around them are blithely dismissed or treated as heresy.

But there was once a host of places where tween and teen girls could find some relief from the world at large and commune with their peers away from the gazes of those that sought to mock them. And, believe it or not, one of these spaces was online.

Hi, and welcome to Venusstadt. I’m Jiana. Today, I’m filming with my webcam in true early internet fashion to discuss Rookie, the feminist-leaning magazine founded by a teen for teens and tweens to give them a place to share their thoughts and creativity amid a society in which girls and girlhood were treated as nuisances.

TAVI GEVINSON

First, let’s discuss Tavi Gevinson.

Tavi, the youngest of three, was born in 1996 in Chicago. Her father was an English teacher, while her mother taught Hebrew and weaved (Knight).

Usually in a biography you would hear details like early childhood or adolescent experiences that led to the subject’s choice of career. However, Tavi is unique in that her career started when she was a child, and that that career was one that she chose herself.

Tavi became interested in fashion when she started to make collages in fourth grade out of pictures she cut out of magazines (Widdicombe). She first discovered blogging at a slumber party, when she was shown the personal site of her friend’s older sister, who also enjoyed fashion (Widdicombe). Tavi then used Blogspot to start her own site in 2008, calling it “Style Rookie” to fit in with the trending fashion blogs of the time (Vogue, YouTube, 1:10).

Through her posts, she documented her personal style, her thoughts on runway shows, and random anecdotes from her tween life. She was eventually propelled into the spotlight of the wider fashion industry when New York Magazine wrote a short article about her and her blog, appropriately titled “Meet Tavi, the 12-Year-Old Fashion Blogger” (Kwan).

Tavi’s initial rise to fame came at a time where people were really beginning to pay attention to the potential of the internet. Along with social media sites like MySpace and Facebook, which were already rather popular, people also began to read and start blogs (cite). These bloggers, who were in every niche from politics to mommy blogging to art, were basically proto-influencers. With Tavi also came Bryanboy, Scott Schuman of The Sartorialist, and Tommy Ton of Jak + Jil, all apart of the fashion blogosphere that was viewed as “democratizing” the industry, since it shifted some of the authority away from traditional sources like journalist and established critics to people who more closely resembled the average consumer (Widdicombe).

However, Tavi was unique due to the fact that she was like, 12 (Widdicombe). This, combined with her pretty impressive knowledge of fashion and culture and the mature, conversational tone with which she reportedly wrote, made her a spectacle to the adults of the fashion press (Widdicombe). Her youth also gave her the gusto to wear what she wanted as opposed to adhering to traditional fashion rules.

By 13, Tavi was sitting front row at various fashion shows (“Japan Goes Mad for 13-year-old,” The Cut). She attended John Galliano’s Spring 2010 Dior couture, where she met Karl Lagerfeld and Rei Kawakubo (Widdicombe). Later, she would also be the guest of honor at a holiday party for the latter’s brand Commes des Garcon (“Japan Goes Mad for 13-year-old,” The Cut).

While there were many who liked Tavi, she also had her fair share of detractors. Take, for instance, Sarah Mower of the Telegraph, who wrote of recognizing Tavi at the Dior show with a “sick lurch” and fantasized about yelling at Tavi’s father (Widdicombe). Ann Slowey, then fashion news director for Elle, questioned Tavi’s age and the likelihood that Style Rookie was actually written by her, while FIT’s Valerie Steele asserted that no one would care about Tavi if not for her age (Widdicombe). Tavi admitted that the attention got to be too much occasionally; when New York Magazine first brought attention to her blog, she even took a brief break from the internet (Widdicombe). According to Tavi:

“A lot of people on the internet have a problem with a young person doing well. I felt like, there were a lot of people who were there [in fashion spaces] because of their name, their money, or their family, and I didn’t have any of those things” (Kane).

Outside of her blog and media appearances, Tavi was still pretty much a normal tween, making collages and DIYs, attending public school with her peers, and shopping around at various thrift and vintage stories (Widdicombe). At the same time, she was speaking at conferences and guest writing for publications, using the money she earned from that to buy herself an occasional designer item (Widdicombe).

As with most young people, Tavi’s interests eventually changed, and she began to take less interest in fashion than she did with subjects such as “outsider art, feminism, gender identity, and media” (Knight).

ROOKIE MAGAZINE

As I mentioned in depth in my previous video essay on Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, children are seen as unsophisticated blank slates that can be trained to uphold pre-existing standards, and therefore must be rigorously surveilled and molded for the interest of wider society (O’Connor 4). “Children” here includes teenagers, who, since the category was invented by marketers in the 1950s, have been sites of anxiety and have represented social decline with their necking mobiles and rebellious attitudes (Thompson).

The concept of the “tween,” which denotes young people between eight and fourteen, was also invented by marketers in the early 90s (Guthrie 1). Newsweek in the late 90s described tweens as a “generation in fast forward, in a fearsome hurry to grow up” (Guthrie 1). Guthrie notes that “tween” was a label typically restricted to girls, who apparently felt more pressure to act older than their ages than boys were. Quoting Judith Halberstrom, Guthrie writes that:

“Female adolescence represents the crisis of coming of age as a girl in a male-dominated society. If adolescence for boys represents a rite of passage […] and an ascension to some version (however attenuated) of social power, for girls, adolescence is a lesson in restraint, punishment, and repression” (Guthrie 2).

I don’t believe I have to go into great depth explaining how media can be used to enforce social norms, but there are numerous examples involving media censorship (such as the Hays Code or the current Florida Book Bans) that demonstrate how industries or governments can use the media to maintain a certain status quo.

In their article “Narrative Analysis of [...] Etiquette in Teenage Magazines,” Ana C. Garner, Helen M. Stark, and Shawn Adams highlight a plethora of studies that demonstrated how teens put a lot of weight onto teen-oriented magazines as arbiters of taste and social etiquette (3). These magazines were often the go-to source as opposed to their parents due to their accessibility and ability to be read in private (Garner 3).

Magazines for teen girls largely included content that, you guessed it, promoted the standard gendered social norms expected of young women, such as how to dress, how to use makeup, and how to get the attention of boys (Garner 2). These articles and advertisements played an important role in the acculturation process of the young women who read them, in that they provided a specific set of cultural expectations that the girls figured they were expected to meet in order to be proper women. As stated by Garner, Stark, and Adams:

“…women’s magazines play a socializing function through the stories they tell in columns, features, and advertising. Readers encounter and then may initiate cultural myths of identity. According to Kellner, ‘Media stories provide the symbols, myths, and resources through which we constitute a common culture and through appropriation of which we insert ourselves into this culture.’ Magazines constitute part of the media stories that shape both society’s sense of culture and our sense of self in culture” (Garner 2).

Though such advice on makeup and boys might be helpful on an individual basis, such dictates could serve to be confusing at a time where a young girl is attempting to figure out her own identity, and did not really answer any of the questions a lot of girls would have about adolescence and adulthood (Guthrie 6). This is where Rookie magazine came in, but before we discuss Rookie, we ought to discuss Sassy.

Sassy was a teen magazine that was published from 1988 to 1996. It was notable for being a feminist teen magazine that spoke about serious subjects like suicide and STDs at a time where, again, most teen girl magazines were instructed girls on how to maximize their appearances in order to get dates (Talk of the Nation). Sassy drew a lot of ire from evangelical groups who boycotted it when it first started, which made advertisers not really want to touch it after a while (Talk of the Nation). It eventually stopped publishing and was absorbed into ‘TEEN magazine…which just talked about boys and dating again.

In spring 2010, Tavi mentioned on Style Rookie that she wanted to create a magazine inspired by Sassy and the riot grrrl zines of the 1990s, which were key parts of the third-wave feminist movement (Knight; Feliciano). Founding editor of Sassy Jane Pratt then reached out to make that happen (Knight).

At first Gevinson was in talks to sign on with Say Media to make this idea come to life, but she ultimately decided to pursue her idea independently so that “the man” wasn’t involved (Knight). According to Tavi’s father Steve, Rookie was independently financed “on family borrowing” (Knight).

Rookie first launched in September 2011 as Tavi entered her sophomore year of high school, filling the void that Sassy left in the teen publication industry when it shut down in 1996. In her first Editor’s letter, Tavi asserted that unlike other magazines like Teen Vogue or Seventeen, Rookie:

“…is not your guide to Being a Teen. It is not a pamphlet on How to Be a Young Woman. It is, quite simply, a bunch of writing and art we like and believe in. While there’s always danger in generalizing a whole group of people, I do think some experiences are somewhat universal to being a teenager, specifically a female one. Rookie is the place to make the best of the beautiful pain and cringeworthy awkwardness of being an adolescent girl” (Gevinson).

If you look at Rookie’s visual aesthetic throughout the years, you can definitely see how the riot grrrl zines also influenced it. The whole site had a whole DIY/collage aesthetic. As stated previously, riot grrrl was a major part of the third-wave feminist movement (Feliciano); Huse states that its zines were so important and impactful because they gave girls “an outlet for their own stories, a means to reclaim culture and language through their writing, and the ability to critique mainstream media with their own publication” (Huse 12).

That pretty much also describes Rookie’s primary draw. Like Sassy and its riot grrrl foremothers, Rookie magazine served as a way for teens to read about and discuss serious topics like birth control, mental health, and coming out in a safe space where they would not be shamed or ridiculed (Wilson). It was also feminist-leaning without the terminology that might be found in a Gender and Women's Studies textbook or journal. This meant that the language used was simple and more accessible, allowing progressive concepts to be shared with a younger audience (Kane).

Rookie also featured a pretty wide range of content, from interviews with artists, authors, and celebrities; to short fiction and poetry, film and literature reviews, DIY and personal style guides, cool playlists and illustrations—basically anything a teen might want. Much of this content was submitted by its tween and teen readers (Wilson), and submitting to Rookie was much like submitting to any other magazine. Each month there was a specific theme, and Rookie gave potential contributors ideas of what they could send in. There was also a poetry roundup, where Rookie would publish a bunch of submitted poetry each month. Of course, all submissions had to be unpublished, and Rookie rigorously fact-checked any non-fiction pieces. What was most impressive to me was that they took their young contributors seriously by compensating them for their work and creativity, though it was never officially disclosed how much they paid. The first three themes of Rookie were Beginnings, Secrets, and Girl Gang in September, October, and November of 2011; the last three were Rebirth, Spirit, and Evolution in the same months of 2018.

Advice questions could be sent in at any time. These questions could be answered in columns like “Ask a Grown Man” and “Ask a Grown Woman,” which allowed teens to ask various celebrities for advice (Kane). Celebrities who participated in this included Cyndi Lauper, Paul Rudd, Terry Crews, and even Hillary Clinton during her 2016 election campaign.

The website updated only three times a day, all in the afternoon when teens would be most apt to actually read the content: “after school, at dinner time, and when it’s really late and you should be writing a paper but are Facebook stalking instead” (Wilson).

The Rookie staff consisted of Tavi, a few grown people who handled the business and some of the editing, and other teen staff like Petra Collins, Hazel Cills, Arabelle Sicardi, and more. Staff members largely interacted with each other online via email and social media, but they occasionally met up for events like Rookie Road Trip, which was a four-week long tour in which teen staff members and Anaheed Alani packed into a van and drove across country from New York to Los Angeles to promote Rookie Yearbook One. The staff met up with the Rookie audience in venues like ice cream parlors, record stores, arcades, and theaters, where they did zine/collage-making events, poetry readings, and live performances (Gevinson).

The Rookie Yearbooks were printed yearly roundups of the online magazine content, edited and art-directed by Tavi, along with exclusive interviews and notes from celebrities (Peiser). There were a total of four to cover the magazine’s first four years. In addition to the yearbooks, Rookie also sold t-shirts, stickers, and posters.

END OF AN ERA

But, as I implied at the beginning, this website described by Healy as a “glistening, empowered world of girlhood” did not last. So, what happened?

The simplest answer is social media. But, truthfully, the newspaper industry has been unstable long before then. As Tavi pointed out in her final Editor’s Letter for Rookie, between January 2001 and September 2016, half of all newspaper jobs were cut from the industry (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018”). It’s also worth remembering that from 2015 to 2018, publications were laying off writers left and right in order to “pivot to video” content, mostly so they could cater to Facebook’s algorithms (Weissman).

According to that same letter, Rookie started running into financial issues as early as 2016, as social media engagement began to make up the bulk of the magazine’s online engagement as opposed to, say, people actually clicking on article links or leaving comments (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018”). While this technically be a good thing for, say, a zine that was firmly embedded within the social media with no central website, this was bad for Rookie because it rendered their ad-based revenue ineffective (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018”).

Tavi had no desire to ask her young readers to subscribe or donate to the site (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018”). She doesn’t explicitly explain why this was not an option, but my best guess is that she wanted the site to remain accessible to those young people who might not have had the money for a potential subscription or donation.

Tavi had previously been advised to work out some sort of marketing and engagement strategy before things took the turn that they did, but she said she never really listened because…well, she was a teenager (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018”). Who can blame her.

Anyways, in fall 2017, the Rookie team began searching for investors and/or partnerships they could do to keep the magazine running and strategize to figure out how to expand Rookie’s content offerings (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018”). However, most potential business partners wanted Tavi to promote herself as the brand’s face to get Rookie back on its feet before passing it off to a new, fresh figurehead that could lead the magazine into the next era (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018;” “Instagram''). By this time, Tavi was wanting to grow beyond Rookie magazine and pursue other ventures like acting, so she was on board with this concept (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018;” “Instagram'').

This didn’t pan out too well. Tavi did more sponsored social media content in order to market herself as an “it girl,” but even though these sponsorships let her avoid taking an income from struggling Rookie, she didn’t really enjoy the “hustle” of doing this, and neither did Rookie’s more progressive-minded audience, who knew when consumerism was being thrown in their faces (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018;” “Instagram”). This particularly came to a head when Tavi was criticized for contributing to gentrification while living in a sponsored luxury apartment in Brooklyn (Gevinson, “Instagram”). She was getting criticized for her personal finances as well since she was so present within the media, but Tavi wrote in Cut magazine that this was largely rooted in a misunderstand of how the media industry works, and that she was never really earning enough to live from such media appearances or photoshoots (Gevinson, “Instagram”). So the plan of Tavi promoting herself as a public figure in order to re-popularize the Rookie website fell apart.

Again, most media companies were already not doing well, so absorbing Rookie without such personality content from Tavi to help it up again was out of the question (Gevinson, “Editor’s Letter 2018”). Tavi explains it all very clearly, again, in the final Editor’s Letter:

“I have spent the fall learning what it would mean to sell Rookie to a new owner who could fund it, build it, or hire more people. I have learned that I can’t take on the responsibility that would come with remaining as its editor, or even transitioning it to a point where I could leave completely.

“…most media companies are also struggling. They can’t afford to buy other publications that are struggling, and/or they are understandably not interested in spending the money to get Rookie to sustainable profitability without the founder/editor/owner since day one—in other words, me. I can’t make that commitment, and at this moment, Rookie can’t exist without it” (Gevinson, “Editor's Letter 2018”).

Thus, on December 1, 2018, Rookie magazine officially ceased operations (Wilson), joining or preceding other sites by women such as the Hairpin, the Awl, the Toast, and Lenny Letter (Blum).

After Rookie folded, the staff at Man Repeller got together to discuss the changing nature of online media. Haley Nahman stated that:

“The part that makes me sad is understanding/learning that content that drives the most traffic (i.e., what keeps media brands in business) is not necessarily the highest quality, and that has become increasingly true as publications that put out good work flail, and those that put out, say, celebrity gossip or SEO-clickbait thrive” (Team Repeller).

Tavi’s goal from the Sassy- and riot grrrl-inspired beginnings of Rookie was always to make great content rather than simple filler articles (Knight). Ultimately, the internet took websites such as these for granted, opting instead to bury them under forgettable filler and clickbait content—something that has clearly continued into the current era. And, though there will always be people searching for good content online, sometimes that minority is not enough to sustain such a time-consuming publication like Rookie and many others.

Fortunately, Rookie remains up as an archival site. So at least we’ll always have the memories.

IMPACT

All in all, Rookie gave young people not only the confidence to share their ideas and express themselves through writing, photography, and DIYs, but also gave them the early experience to pursue such creative ventures at a professional level.

One of the most impressive things about Rookie is the number of names I recognized during my research from today and from my days as an impressionable young teenager on Tumblr. One such name is that of photographer Petra Collins, who was one of the original staff members for Rookie and participated in the Rookie Road Trip that first year in (Kane). Petra published a lot of photography on Rookie that then made the rounds on sites like Tumblr and Pinterest and formed the basis for a good many moodboards of the mid-2010s. She has since moved on to doing photography direction for fashion brands, as well as music videos for artists like Carly Rae Jepsen, Cardi B, and 2021 teen queen Olivia Rodrigo. Other Rookie alumni include NPR Music editor Hazel Cills, another founding Rookie Road Tripper, and Ashley Reese, who once wrote for Jezebel and Netflix’s Tudum, who you’ve probably seen on Twitter. There was also a lot of cross-pollination between Rookie and the Art Hoe movement’s founders and curators. While I don’t believe Ione Gamble ever wrote for Rookie, she was present at meetups for Rookie in London and cites Rookie as the influence for her zine Polyester, as well as Gal-Dem, and One of My Kind (OOMK) (Gamble).

Seeing the sheer number of people who either wrote for or read Rookie during their formative years is honestly amazing. And when you look at Tumblr or Pinterest’s mid-2010 years, it’s obvious that a lot of the “alternative teen girl aesthetic” that Tumblr came to be known for does sort of owe itself to Rookie as well, since so many girls on that site also happened to read Rookie and share images from Rookie to Tumblr or Pinterest. These images ended up on moodboards and continue to inspire online visual content to this day in one way or another. So when former Rookie staff member Arabelle Sicardi declared in 2021 that “pop culture is Rookie” to Teen Vogue—whose progressive content today likely owes a lot to Rookie as well—she isn’t kidding (Wilson). Without Rookie, media for young people, specifically women, girls, and non-binary people, would be a whole lot less endearing.

SEMI-CONCLUSION

That would’ve been a neat place to end this video, but I am going to get on my soapbox and say that it would be really beneficial if we had some sort of online space for tween and teen girls (and non-binary folks) today. Again, Teen Vogue has filled the younger, progressive void, but that’s not really a site where readers can submit things and be published without a pre-existing resume of some sort.

There’s also traditional social media giants like IG, Twitter, Tiktok, etc., but honestly even though they led to the demise of publishers like Rookie, they aren’t really a good replacement. Though anyone can share their thoughts now, these websites have arguably led to the shrinking of both our attention spans and the internet (Holderness). Also, algorithms are weird and perfectly good content is buried under the noise of search-engine optimization or content that simply isn’t good but very popular (example – subway surfer south park nonsense).

These also frankly aren’t safe spaces for young girls and women. In fact, social media was also linked to the teen girls’ mental decline, thanks to things like cyberbullying and the threat of sexual exploitation (Twenge). This is only going to get worse now that we have this wave of misogynistic backlash online, and teen girls who try to use social media can be at any point met with manosphere podcasters, tradwives, or straight-up violent incels who are typically their own male peers (Ewens). And now we also have the issue of AI-generators and deep fake adult materials; girls who post their faces online are likely going to have their faces stolen at one point or another.

At this point, any type of curated, online space for girls to get away from would be beneficial, but we’re so used to the convenience of social media now as a culture that it’s uncertain what form that online space will come in if ever. Hopefully, in one way or another, a new Rookie more suited to our times will pop up somewhere.

ACTUAL OUTRO

So that was depressing! But if you liked the non-depressing parts, and would like to be notified for more videos like this, be sure to click the subscribe button below. I also provide updates via the social media links listed below. This is obviously still a newer channel and I’m still kind of testing certain things out, so feel free to leave any feedback you have in the comments. For short-form biographies on women in the arts or other fun facts about culture, follow my TikTok or Instagram. Thanks for watching!

SOURCES

“Japan Goes Mad for the 13-Year-Old Fashion Blogger Tavi.” The Cut, 20 Nov. 2009, https://www.thecut.com/2009/11/japan_goes_mad_for_13-year-old.html.

“Meet Tavi, the 12-Year-Old Fashion Blogger.” The Cut, 22 July 2008, https://www.thecut.com/2008/07/meet_tavi_the_12yearold_fashio.html.

Blum, Dani. “Rookie Mag and the Shrinking Spaces to Grow Up Online.” Forbes, 5 Dec. 2018, https://www.forbes.com/sites/daniblum/2018/12/05/rookie-mag-and-the-shrinking-spaces-to-grow-up-online/?sh=29e11c636a66.

Ewens, Hannah. “Young, Male and Anti-Feminist––the Gen-Z Boys Who Hate Women.” Vice, 28 May 2021, https://www.vice.com/en/article/dyv7by/anti-feminist-gen-z-boys-who-hate-women.

Feliciano, Stevie. “The Riot Grrrl Movement.” New York Public Library Blog, 19 June 2013, https://www.nypl.org/blog/2013/06/19/riot-grrrl-movement.

Gamble, Ione. “What ‘Rookie’ Magazine Meant to a Generation of Young Female Writers.” i-D, 12 Aug. 2018, https://i-d.vice.com/en/article/ev3mkj/closure-rookie-website.

Garner, Ana C., Helen M. Sterk, and Shawn Adams. “Narrative Analysis of Sexual Etiquette in Teenage Magazines.” Journal of Communication, vol. 48, no. 4, 1998, pp. 59-78. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1460-2466.1998.tb02770.x

Gevinson, Tavi. “Editor’s Letter.” Rookie, 1 Sep. 2011, https://www.rookiemag.com/2011/09/editors-letter/.

Gevinson, Tavi. “Editor’s Letter.” Rookie, 30 Nov. 2018, https://www.rookiemag.com/2018/11/editors-letter-86/.

Gevinson, Tavi. “Road Trip Diary: Week One.” Rookie, 29 June 2012, https://www.rookiemag.com/2012/06/road-trip-diary-week-one/.

Gevinson, Tavi. “Road Trip Diary: Week Two.” Rookie, 6 July 2012, https://www.rookiemag.com/2012/07/road-trip-diary-week-two/.

Gevinson, Tavi. “Road Trip Diary: Week Three.” Rookie, 13 July 2012, https://www.rookiemag.com/2012/07/road-trip-diary-week-three/.

Gevinson, Tavi. “Road Trip Diary: Week Four.” Rookie, 20 July 2012, https://www.rookiemag.com/2012/07/road-trip-diary-week-four/.

Gevinson, Tavi. “Road Trip Diary: Week Five.” Rookie, 30 July 2012, https://www.rookiemag.com/2012/07/road-trip-diary-week-five/.

Gevinson, Tavi. “Who Would I Be Without Instagram?” The Cut, 16 Sep. 2018, https://www.thecut.com/2019/09/who-would-tavi-gevinson-be-without-instagram.html.

Ghorayshi, Azeen, and Roni C. Rabin. “Teen Girls Report Record Levels of Sadness, C.D.C. Finds.” New York Times, 13 Feb. 2023, https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/13/health/teen-girls-sadness-suicide-violence.html.

Guthrie, Meredith R. Somewhere In-Between: Tween Queens and the Marketing Machine. 2005. Bowling Green State University, PhD dissertation.

Healy, Claire. “Tavi Gevinson takes center stage.” Dazed, 12 Aug. 2016, https://www.dazeddigital.com/artsandculture/article/32372/1/tavi-gevinson-takes-centre-stage-broadway-rookie.

Huse, Kara-Leigh J. The Effects of Creating Feminist Zines on the Cultural Identity Development of Adolescent Girls: From Riot grrrl to Rookie. 2016. Saint Mary-of-the-Woods College, Graduate thesis.

Holderness, Cates. “The Internet is Getting Small and Boring. Long Live Tumblr.” Buzzfeed News, 6 Dec. 2018, https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/catesish/internet-is-getting-small-and-boring-long-live-tumblr.

Kane, Laura. “Tavi Gevinson: Teenage ‘Rookie’ Still Figuring It Out.” The Star, 24 Oct. 2012, https://www.thestar.com/life/2012/10/24/tavi_gevinson_teenage_rookie_still_figuring_it_out.html.

Knight, Membah. “Tavi’s ‘Rookie’ Road Trip.” Chicago, 6 Sep. 2012, https://www.chicagomag.com/chicago-magazine/october-2012/tavis-rookie-road-trip/.

Kwan, Amanda. “Young Fashion Bloggers are a Worrying Trend to Parents.” USA Today, 12 Aug. 2008, https://usatoday30.usatoday.com/tech/webguide/internetlife/2008-08-12-girl-fashion-blogs_N.htm.

O’Connor, Jane C. The Cultural Significance of the Child Star. 2006, Brunel U, PhD dissertation.

Peiser, Jaclyn. “Rookie Cataloged a Generation of Girlhood.” New York Times, 13 Dec. 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/13/style/rookie-tavi-gevinson.html.

Talk of the Nation. “To Girls, ‘Sassy’ Meant Something More.” NPR, 25 April 2007, https://www.npr.org/2007/04/25/9826498/to-girls-sassy-meant-something-more.

Team Repeller. “What Does the End of Rookie Magazine Say About the Future of Media?” Repeller, 6 Dec. 2018, https://repeller.com/rookie-magazine-and-the-state-of-media-2018/.

Thompson, Dean. “A Brief History of Teenagers.” Saturday Evening Post, 13 Feb. 2018, https://www.saturdayeveningpost.com/2018/02/brief-history-teenagers/.

Twenge, Jean M. “Teen Girls are Facing a Mental Health Epidemic. We’re Doing Nothing About It.” Time, 14 Feb. 2023, https://time.com/6255448/teen-girls-mental-health-epidemic-causes/.

Webster, Jamieson. “Teenagers are Telling Us that Something is Wrong with America.” New York Times, 11 Oct. 2022, https://www.nytimes.com/2022/10/11/opinion/teenagers-mental-health-america.html.

Weissman, Cale G. “Here’s an Abridged Timeline of Digital Media’s Pivot to Video.” Fast Company, 21 Feb. 2018, https://www.fastcompany.com/40534037/heres-an-abridged-timeline-of-digital-medias-pivot-to-video.

Widdicombe, Lizzie. “Tavi Says.” New Yorker, 13 Sep. 2010, https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2010/09/20/tavi-says.

Wilson, Sophie. “The Legacy of Rookie Mag, Ten Years Later.” Teen Vogue, 7 Oct. 2021, https://www.teenvogue.com/story/the-legacy-of-rookie-mag-ten-years-later.

#rookie mag #rookie magazine #Youtube

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gwydionmisha · 2 years ago

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Re: Tyre Nichols.

Yes, I've watched the footage and it is legitimately devastating and I suspect the worst thing of this kind I've seen. I do feel a duty to witness, especially because of what I do in this space. At the same time, I am deeply concerned about the effect on people of seeing police brutal beat an unarmed, terrified person they had already entirely at their mercy to death. It took him another three days to die, but this is murder, and I don't think that commentators calling it torture and terrorism and state sponsored violence are wrong.

They did it because they could, and absolutely nothing that young man did provoked it and nothing he could have done could have stopped it. Those police did it because they wanted to plain and simple. they couldn't tell him why they stopped him. They refused to tell him anything he did wrong or why they were arresting and beating him to death about 80 yards from home. They refuse to produce any evidence of a crime Mr. Nichols could have committed, likely because there is none.

This is what happens when the right to murder with impunity is considered a perk for joining the police. If free reign to murder is the selling point for a job only monsters will stay in that job.

Police culture is corrupt top to bottom. It needs to be torn down and something better put in it's place. (I've written before about what that better system would look like, and places working on a whole community model where poverty and mental health are addressed, where the goal is to prevent crimes of poverty and desperation by meeting people's basic needs, where when things do occur there is mental health and addiction diversion, where justice works on a restitution and rehabilitation model instead of a punishment and revenge model, and the goal for offenders who do real harm is to do what is possible to humanely rehabilitate people if they can be helped. I do think there are some people it is not safe to release. I'm not convinced that state sponsored violence behind bars is healthy for us as a culture. Trust me, I get why my mother wished we had the death penalty in my state for single premeditated murder, but I feel differently. I'm glad Skye's murderer is sorry. I'm glad he is doing a good long stretch, but I don't think keeping him in there forever or killing him is right, and I hope they gave him access to mental health services in there. I hope there was some kind of anger management program. I wish there was some sort of planning for people like him when they get out. I'd rather we pay to help violent criminals not be violent anymore than simply brutalize people like him for twenty years and let them loose, because he pretty clearly did need good psychiatric care to learn to live with it, to be better instead of worse when he gets out. Yes, he's still in there. I have victim notification, though I suspect we are moving into the parole zone. do yes, the issue is real and personal and I am still furious Skye isn't here because some idiot decided bullets were better than words, but I'd still rather live under a government that didn't do terrible things in my name.)

I am endlessly furious that tax payer money funds state sponsored terrorism against our own people, that all our hands are stained with blood. I have believed that the police are just another form of organized crime, since I was old enough to understand. There are no good cops in a system like this. There can't be because the ones who go in wanting to change it from with in, generally get fired for whistle blowing or get corrupted by cop culture.

I have been trying to pick which coverage to put up in this space, because I feel like what happened is important for people to know about what happened, but I also don't want to brutalize people with images they are not in the right place to see. To witness directly or not to witness is an incredibly personal decision and whatever you chose I do not judge that choice.

I intended to post things either early Saturday morning or late Saturday night, but I am wrung out from emotion and the med change and I have had far too little sleep and Friday and particularly Saturday were for more physically strenuous than my body can handle. I burnt through every spoon I have. Because of the way I work at this, I was prepping and reading and watching footage and coverage Friday in small chunks in between posting things I'd already prepped, because, honestly, it's not good for me to do things like police murders and mass shootings and wars all at once.

Sunday, I am going to have to rest. I have nothing left. This is a hard limit. I have an obligation Monday, but I will try to work on getting the Memphis coverage and the aggregate up, hopefully by Tuesday morning bedtime.

I am sorry.

#Tyre Nichols #Police Murder #State Sponsored Violence #Memphis #News

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briamichellewrites · 1 year ago

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2005. Bria was finally recognized as the singer/songwriter she was after being in the industry for six years. Her third album, Memoirs was nominated for a Best Female Country Vocal Performance Grammy. She was also nominated for Best Country Song for Times Like This. Artists like Kenny Cheney, Brooks and Dunn; Keith Urban, and Carrie Underwood wanted to work with her. At twenty-two years old, she was finally realizing her dreams.

She hired a publicist because she couldn’t keep up with everything. Brad helped her find one that was legitimate. They didn’t want anyone taking her money behind her back. After dating for a year, Rob ended the relationship because he wasn’t mature enough to handle her mental illness. He loved her. It was just exhausting to never know what kind of mood she would be in when he came over.

She tried really hard, so it was devastating when he broke up with her. Mike was concerned she would self-medicate with men. Instead, she stopped eating for forty-eight hours. He had her and Bon Jovi officially move in with him. After sneaking around, he and Chester were caught while promoting their album, Meteora. The band didn’t care if they were dating or just hooking up and they didn’t need to sneak around. With their support, they came out as dating.

They congratulated them. It was a relief to be accepted and not be judged. Chester had some of the same problems that Bria had. He wasn’t clingy, just very self-conscious, and sometimes he needed reassurance. Otis enjoyed having her living with them.

At three years old, he was in preschool. His best friend was Misty, who he played with regularly. He also loved Bon Jovi because she was so silly! She was no longer a kitten but still loved to play. Misty learned that she wasn’t afraid to use her paws when she had enough. After moving in with Mike, Bria’s mental health improved. She just needed someone to remind her that she was loved.

Nobody outside of the band knew about her mental health until she gave an interview with Good Morning America. Brad happened to catch her interview while flipping through channels on his television. He heard her mention her diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, dyscalculia, and bipolar disorder. What did that mean for her?

It meant she was afraid of real or imagined abandonment. It was a cycle of idealizing someone and then, devaluing them. She had ‘favorite people’ who she put on a pedestal. That was called, idealization. Until she feared they would abandon her. That was called, devaluation. She saw people as either all good or all bad. There was no in-between. It was a very complicated illness and not everyone had the patience to go through her mood swings.

“When I have bipolar mania, I’m on top of the world. I feel great. I’m going to go adopt another animal. I’m going to do so many things. The world is my oyster. When I have depression, I retreat. If I’m by myself, I don’t eat anything for up to forty-eight hours because the thoughts in my head are beating me up. They tell me I’m fat and ugly. All I can do is lay in my bed and cry.”

That was the perfect way of describing what her illness was like for her. Mike could not imagine how exhausting it was for her. He didn’t think it was fair to compare how exhausting it was to watch her and actually being inside her own head. Did he think Rob gave up too easily? Yeah, he did. He had waited for two years to ask her out. Then, he couldn’t handle her. He wanted her to find a guy who could love her as much as he did because there was a lot more to her than her mental health.

The interviewer asked if she had any animals. Yes, she had a two-year-old Bengal cat named, Bon Jovi. She was extremely entertaining, especially as a kitten. At the moment, she was thinking about getting another kitten to keep her company while she was gone.

Brad thought back to when she ghosted him after he told her he didn’t want a relationship with her. He had unknowingly triggered her fear of abandonment. It wasn’t because she was busy, but she was angry with him. That was a few years ago. She looked beautiful and healthy. Her hair had been dyed a light auburn color, a shade lighter than her natural hair color. It was cut to shoulder length with bangs and it looked amazing on her.

Borderline Personality Disorder was a very serious and misunderstood mental disorder. That was why mental health professionals appreciated her talking openly about it. She was in a position where she could inform people. Her sound had gone from melancholy to country soul to country rock. Country radio never knew what she would try next.

She was a true rebel because she was different from other artists. It made her stand out.

“I feel like there aren’t any country songs about cats. Cats are fucking awesome. They want nothing to do with you until they need something. I can appreciate that.”

Brad laughed. “Are you going to write a song about your cat?”

“I should. She would probably enjoy that.”

Did Bon Jovi get along with Misty? They got along like cats and dogs – literally! He laughed again. After ending his relationship with Elisa, he reached out to her to hang out. That was a month ago. He was learning there were good days and bad ones. She was complicated and complex. He made it very clear that he didn’t want a relationship with her because he wasn’t ready. He also wasn’t going to sleep with her because he respected her too much.

They did kiss but that was as far as he was going to go. She understood and thanked him for being honest with her. You’re welcome. Bon Jovi was used to different humans coming over. She investigated them individually by sniffing them. Some of them smelled good but some of them didn’t. Whoever this human was, he smelled good. He didn’t smell like a dog.

Currently, they were hanging out in Mike’s kitchen with the animals. He and Chester were on a date, so it was just them. Bria was in a good mood, so she was full of energy. Bon Jovi wanted food. She meowed at her human. I’m hungry and my food bowl is empty! When she heard it wasn’t time to eat, she fell to the floor and continued meowing. Just like a toddler having a tantrum. She and Brad laughed at her. What a drama queen!

She was starving to death! Her life was flashing before her eyes. Misty came in to see what she was doing. She took one look at her and decided she wasn’t worth her time. Instead, she got some water because she was thirsty.

“Bon Jovi…”

Meow!

“You’re okay. You’re not starving.”

Meow!

“No, you’re not.”

Meow.

There was no use in arguing with a cat, so they decided to ignore her dramatics. After noticing she wasn’t getting her way, she rolled over and walked away. She would just have to wait while she starved to death. Damn, humans! She went back to her cat tree and grumbled while looking down at everyone. Brad scratched her head. Thank you. She was still grumpy and would be until she was fed.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia @boricuacherry-blog

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thrashkink-coven · 1 month ago

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Okay apparently I’m opinionated on this subject.

I’m gonna make a statement and you’re gonna tell me if it sounds familiar:

“I mean no hate towards the actual act or practice of witchcraft! but the way the internet (particularly tiktok) has created and popularized it into something that is almost entirely people seeking attention and/or in some degree of delusion is worrying and disrespectful.”

To preface, I’m not helpol or follow any traditional model for my worship and witchcraft. I’m an eclectic witch. I can’t speak to how Godspousal should or did look to those people.

I’ll agree with you on some base fundamentals, because it is true that any practice that is exposed to outsiders and/or the mainstream will inherently garner and fester misinformation. This can be said about any practice. Witchcraft became trendy, deity work became trendy, and we witnessed the common phenomenon of a ton of uneducated beginners sharing their ideas and experiences. You said you have no hate towards the actual act of god spousal, so I’m going to assume you’re not talking about legitimate, long devoted godspouses, we’ll skip that part. You’re probably well aware of the history already.

and I will agree, many of these-usually kids and teens- are at the intersection between fandom, fantasy, and religion. The reality shifting community had a lot to do with that. They want to fan girl about their deities and go on these fantastic journeys. They want to feel special and this is their way of fulfilling that. Is that fulfillment justified? That depends, it’s a coping mechanism, whether it be done consciously or subconsciously.

I agree that indulging in that fantasy can be harmful. Not only to your mental health, your grip on reality, but to your spiritual health. If they are actually achieving communication and they approach the wrong deity with the wrong attitude, bad things can happen. And then we get the horror stories and cancellations.

What I do disagree with though, is your way of wording that concern, and your commands. Your call to action so to speak.

Anyone who gets into deity work/relations in any regard, be that platonic, sexual, romantic religious, etc, should know that this relationship will be unlike the relationships they have with other humans. They aren’t an imaginary friend. I’ll agree that they aren’t going to be watching movies with you and having slumber parties or sending you memes. And no, most people are not godspoused.

But… lol

Your words carry such an air of distain and condescension.

“Apollo is not your baby girl. They are not your husband, they are not making you uwu blush and giggle. They are not sliding their hand down your pants and making you cum”

why not? Why do you assume everyone is either lying or insane?

I think that’s the thing that bothers me the most. This idea that anything that is ideal is delusion. If your deity teaches you, protects you, gives you good advice, that’s normal. But if your deity dare show you affection, you’re obviously losing it. If your deity provides you with good or lustful energy to the point of pleasure, you’re obviously just disrespecting them, because a deity would never love a human, never have a relationship with a human that is influenced by love, because you are not special. I don’t know where this idea comes from, but there was never any rule or law that said it.

Relationships with deities should always carry an air of respect, of course. But when I come to Tumblr. com and make a post FREAKING OUT because my dear Patron just gave me a kiss, I’m not concerned with sounding professional. I don’t owe anyone proof that I’m a legitimate practitioner and devotee (except for the big guy himself). Lucifer is my baby girl (I guess it would make more sense to say I’m his baby boy), he does make me kick my feet and twirl my hair. And obviously, a lot of other things as well that aren’t so romantic and interesting to post about. He’s my Lord and my God and my guide, but he’s also my best friend. He leads me, he teaches me, protects me, and he also gives me a kiss.

When I see another devotee or spouse of Lucifer (who is of consenting age) gushing about how good Lucifer makes them feel and how much they love him, I can’t help but also be excited that someone else knows how I feel. Some of these posts may be from people who don’t know what they’re doing or talking about, but I don’t think being excited or gushing is an indication of that.

When I share an experience with him and someone else says “hey! me too!”, I feel the same. To me, that is God.

And hell, it makes me feel like a kid again, just being overjoyed that we’re lucky enough to share this love for something.

Yes, kids will be kids. Stupid people will be stupid. I’m not worried about them. Disrespectful, ignorant people have always existed, they just weren’t in your face. I agree that we shouldn’t be encouraging risky behaviour that can promote psychosis. I agree that it isn’t healthy to use a deity to replace human connections. I agree that people should do more research into these things. Sure.

But telling people, especially beginners, that they’re disrespecting their craft, their deities, themselves, for experiencing and expressing love? I don’t get it. I don’t see why love and affection are contradictory to learning and growing.

Is Lucifer going to provide a romantic fantasy to a 15 year old girl who just learned about witchcraft last week? Probably not, she’s probably pretending. Kids pretend.

I don’t think the way to shake her out of that phase is to shame her, point our fingers and call her a cringe poser. If she really does continue with this interest and legitimately get into deity work, I want her to know that she is deserving of affection, if or when she receives it from her Gods.

I think it’s much better to say something along the lines of:

“Hey, make sure you’re taking care of your mental health while doing deity work. Here are some important warning signs of psychosis. Here’s some important information on god spousal as a practice. Here are some red flags, some advice, some wisdom.”

If all you can do about this supposed thing that’s bothering you so much and decreasing your enjoyment of devotional spaces, is tell everyone that they’re “clinging to bs”, you might not be ready to have this conversation yet.

Probably will get shit for this, but I am SO tired of seeing God spousing shit everywhere.

I mean no hate towards the act of actual God spousing!!! but the way the internet (particularly tiktok) has created and popularized it into something that is almost entirely people intentionally attention seeking and/or in some degree of delusion is worrying and disrespectful.

Apollo is not your baby girl. Loki is not your boyf who loves watching horror movies with you. They are not your husband. They are not uwu making you blush and giggle and kick your feet. They are not sliding a hand down your pants and making you c>m. You are not pregnant with their astral children. And no, most people are not god spoused.

The problem is not that it's a different path than me. I don't care about that. I love different paths, even the "cringe" ones like pop culture worship and digital magic and etc etc. And even things I dislike/do cringe a bit at such as "left hand path" or "dark witchcraft" or "black magic witch" are not a problem! Just because something isn't for me (or someone else) doesn't make it dangerous or problematic.

My problem is (varying degrees of) spiritual delusion and psychosis, appropriation and misrepresentation of actual practices, and disrespect towards deities and paganism as a whole. Which is most of what I see in online god spousing spaces. (And unfortunately often in online pagan + witch communities as a whole, which I've discussed before.)

Please. You are 16 (often.) Delete those Tumblr posts and Tiktoks. Just move on. Learning and growing is normal and good! We have all been through phases or beleifs we cringe at and leave in the past. You have no reason to cling to bs. Stop the disrespect (to both the Gods and your own mind), and make something legitimately beautiful for yourself in your practice. Learning and growing is normal and good!!!

#pagan #witchcraft #paganism #demonology #demonolatry #occultism #magick #witch community #godspouse #god spousing #witchblr #reality shifting #deity work #deity witchcraft

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idiacide · 3 years ago

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Hello! I've always struggled with my appearance. A few months ago I decided to start losing weight, but I tend to take things too far sometimes and ended getting extremely sick. I think I passed out at one point (probably not, just being dramatic maybe lol). Anyways, could I request the dorm leaders + grim (If possible and platonically ofc. I love him, he may be getting us in trouble but he's adorable) reacting to MC getting sick or passing out from lack of food? If this kind of thing makes you uncomfortable it is fine for you to ignore it. Either way thank you!!!

Also, I'm getting better. I learned that not everything has to be taken that far. 😅

No worries man. Also I’m tagging this as ED both because that’s more likely to catch general blacklists of the people who need it, and also because I do headcanon Riddle and Vil to some extent as individually having struggled with eating disorders. However, I want to be clear that I am not assigning you, asker, with an eating disorder. That’s between your doctor and you. Hope you’re doing well out there.

Also as a general disclaimer: while I will NEVER go out of my way to be intentionally triggering or edgy, I try to stick to believability with the characters when I write stuff like this. That means that some, if not all of them, may have a response that isn’t technically a good or correct thing to do. Real people don’t come with handbooks, they can say and do the wrong thing from a place of love and concern. Especially with complicated issues like body image and mental health. All this to say: please assume that their intentions are good even if their actions are clumsy. And as always, if I ever write something for someone’s request that legitimately triggers them, real people take priority over writer ethos. Message me to let me know and I’ll happily edit it out, since this is about escapism over proving my chops as a writer.

Last clarification: for the sake of this I’m going to allow the reader to still want to lose weight. That is a choice that you are allowed to make for your body, and just saying “but youre already beautiful” isn’t really helpful in that scenario.

TW: Eating disorder/ED, sickness, passing out

Grim: Grim functionally has no idea what a human’s average intake should be. By default he’s going to use himself as a metric, but his go-to with food is to just sort of inhale everything in sight. That’s also not exactly healthy for a human body, so he’ll just assume that whatever you’re doing is probably what’s best. That is, until you start getting sick. Suddenly you’re a lot more low energy than normal. You keep having to quit tasks midway through to get a grip on your nausea. The fainting is most dangerous of all. For as much renovation as you do on Ramshackle, there are plenty of places where there are still loose floorboards or even half exposed nails.

It makes him more nervous than he cares to admit, but what’s most frustrating of all is that he can’t understand why you’re doing it. If you’re so hungry your body is knocking you out, just eat something!!! Why is this so difficult to understand?? Body image issues are so far beyond what he understands that you may end up in more than one out and out fight on the topic. He gets so frustrated and upset, and it tends to manifest in lashing out at you.

Ultimately, the onus will be on you a little bit to come up with an actionable plan. You need to explain to him your intentions, while also providing him with some caveats about things that you won’t do. For example: “I will avoid eating snacks after a certain time, but I won’t restrict myself to one meal a day.” The ghosts can help you come up with something a little more sustainable for your body. Grim may not be much help in the planning process (or, even now, understand why this is a thing that you want), but he’s enthusiastic in helping you enforce the wills and won’ts if it means he can help you stop feeling so sick all the time. It makes him feel like a protector, helping you take care of yourself. And hey. He’s proud of you for working for what you want, even if you do go overboard sometimes. Good thing his henchhuman has such a noble sorceror helping them out!!!

Riddle Rosehearts: I usually headcanon Riddle as struggling with disordered eating of his own. For him, its less about body image and more about discipline and maximizing outputs. We see those seeds planted early. His mother was very obsessive about regulating his intake, as well as the types of foods that he was allowed to eat. I don’t believe she was intentionally starving her son by any means, but I also believe the fact that Riddle is so small can partly be attributed to the fact that he was being held to a standard of an “average” body rather than something more curtailed to what his body specifically needed.

He kept those behaviors well into high school, keeping careful track of his calories and even going so far as to keep a food journal for the sake of orderliness. Trey did his best to tempt him with sweets, and it helps that most of Heartslabyul’s traditions involve the consumption of sweets by the Queen’s Law. But he’s still in the process of recovery, especially when its hard to regimen yourself out of a regimen.

All this to say, it absolutely does not take him very long to pick up on your symptoms, and he feels horrifyingly guilty about it because he worries he may have contributed to it somehow. Once he gets over that, he confronts you very directly. He wants to know how long you’ve been struggling with it, as well as what your long term goals are and what you’ve been doing to achieve those goals. At times, it can feel like an interrogation, but you can also see that he’s very visibly trying to gentle his language. He doesn’t want you to feel like he’s MAD at you, just that he happens to be very invested in your own well-being.

The two of you reach an agreement. Riddle will help you research dietary needs and supplements. He wants to help you achieve your goal, even though he has some hesitation about where the impulse comes from. He loves you very much, no matter the shape that you’re in. Still, he won’t deter you from taking steps you need to feel ok with yourself, as long as you promise to let him help keep you healthy and happy in the process. Helping you helps him also be a little bit gentler on himself: its easier to cheat a little if its to help your partner fight off some nausea. Worst comes to worst....its almost impossible to say no to one of Trey’s tarts, on occasion.

Leona Kingscholar: Whether its sleep, food, homework, or exercise, the only consistencies with Leona’s biopatterns is that they are INCONSISTENT. He eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired, at pretty much whatever time that happens to be.

As a result, its gonna take him a lot longer than it should to notice anything’s off with you. Normally your boyfriend’s pretty observant, especially when it comes to you. But this is one thing that just never really occurs to him to be worried about. In the wilds its a good sign to be fat and happy. It means you’re provided for. So it doesn’t totally sink in with him that this is a thing that you’re struggling with. If you don’t eat when he’s around, well, probably just weren’t hungry. If you have lower energy levels than normal, he’s drowsy pretty much 24/7 and will happily take the excuse to have both of you tuck away in his room to sleep.

Then Ruggie tells him you passed out in the common room, and some pieces click together. He starts watching you, starts probing Grim with a few quiet questions, as well as Ace and Deuce. When did you eat. If you did, how much? All under the radar and usually behind your back.

Leona’s not really the kind of person to openly confront you about this kind of thing, at least not at first. Its not just laziness. He knows himself enough to know he’s not really equipped to talk anyone through self-image issues, and doesn’t want to risk making it worse by saying the wrong thing. If you worked harder to hide it from him it’d be that much harder to make sure you’re not killing yourself.

So his tactic instead: if he’s eating, you’re eating. He never makes a big show of this, though you do notice his schedule is suddenly getting a little more regular. He’s in the cafeteria more and more often at regular meal times, and through some trick you’ll never fully understand he manages to get you to come with him. Even when at home, he’ll push some food on you and point out when you’re just pushing it around your plate without actually eating anything. Never angrily, never trying to shame you, just. Keeping an eye on it, and letting you know that he has an eye on it. Leona’s never commented on your body before but now you notice a slow uptick in honest to god compliments. Nothing big or overblown, it’d raise suspicion, but just carefully letting you know that he appreciates what you look like.

Its not a substitute for actual coping strategies. On some level he knows that. And if you continue to get sick, he will eventually work himself up to an actual conversation about it. He won’t tell you what to do with yourself. Both of you prize your independence too much to take well to that. But, and tell anyone this and he’ll kill you: he’s kinda fond of who you are. Be a real shame to hurt yourself trying to become someone else.

Azul Ashengrotto: Well he sure as hell resonates with self-image issues. Azul is definitely no one’s poster child for a good relationship with food. For however much you assure him that he was cute as a kid and would still be cute now, he’ll never stop trying to distance himself from that chubby octopus child he was. However, while he certainly exacts a tight control on his caloric intake, I never really see him as tipping the scale into full on disordered eating. He has plans, big ambitions, none of which he can execute on if he’s too sick and fatigued to do much of anything. His diet is regimented, but always catered to his actual needs, and he does know how to give himself a break when he needs it.

The way he TALKS about it though is pretty rough for someone with your issues. Its like he can’t stop himself from mentioning that this dish would go right to his hips, or that he’d look bloated, or how fattening it is. Always a breezing comment, always meant to be halfway self-deprecating. He honestly doesn’t notice that its bothering you until he starts to notice you’ve been withdrawing more and more recently. You’re not your usual self, you talk about being tired and get dizzy frequently.

And then it hits him all at once.

The apologies come bursting out of him one day. Fervent, insistent, almost teary. He feels awful, like he singlehandedly managed to cause it in you. He knows that’s not case, knows even more that trying to make it about himself isn’t helpful to you at all. But he’s horrified that he might have made you feel as worthless as he used to feel as a child, something he never wanted for you.

Once you work through the initial melodramatics, he talks you through what you want to do from here. If you’re still committed to losing weight, he can help with that. Your boyfriend is nothing if not utterly thorough, and to top it all off a pretty good cook. He can help you put together a diet plan perfectly curtailed to your needs and goals, as well as provide you with some genuinely tasty supplements to make sure you’re meeting nutritional needs without going over what you want to consume in a day. No matter what, though, he’s going to be putting more concerted effort in making sure you know that he finds you physically attractive. He appreciates the necessity of having a drive. But you have to be sure you’re doing it for you, not just to satisfy the gazes of people who don’t deserve to have an opinion on you.

Kalim Al-Asim: Oh he noticed almost right away. For as oblivious as Kalim can be: the man does love to throw a feast, and his love language is showering you with all the delicacies he can offer. You might get away with waiving off a dinner or two, but consistently turning him down is sure to get him to notice. Especially after everything that happened with Jamil, he knows how to be watchful for the needs of the people around him, including the ones they’re not ready to tell him about.

Kalim confronts you very openly and frankly early on, asking why you’re turning down food and if there’s something that he’s doing wrong. Even for the more reserved and confrontation avoidant, he makes this conversation surprisingly painless. There’s concern there, but absolutely no judgement. He genuinely just wants to know what’s going on with you, and if there’s anything he can do to help you out.

Kalim is also the most likely to get an explicit confirmation from you about exactly why it is that you want to lose weight. He wants to support you no matter what, but he also doesn’t want you going overboard because you’re worried about what he thinks of you. He thinks you’re gorgeous, tells you so as often as he can, and he wants you to know he means it. However, if its for health reasons or just to get you comfortable in your own skin, he wants to support that as best he can (while still making sure to take care of you too). You’ve been reckless with yourself, but that doesn’t mean he wants to make you feel like he doesn’t trust you.

Ultimately the biggest hurdle is some basic lifestyle incompatibilities. For as much as he does mean it when he wants to support you, its easy for him to forget about you watching what you eat when he starts offering you treats. Still, it does help offset the issue of you avoiding food altogether. And he won’t pressure you if you legitimately tell him no, just smile and pat your hand as he eats it himself. Its an implicit bargain between the two of you. He won’t push you to go over your limits, so long as you’re careful about watching your health. He asks Jamil to help him learn how to cook some healthier dishes so you can still have something to snack on if you would like, and this man will go above and beyond to pamper you on days when you’re feeling a little sick despite your best efforts.

Vil Schoenheit: Like Riddle, Vil has struggled with disordered eating in the past. Someone as image conscious as he is kind of can’t help but be particularly obsessive about that part. While he’s gotten better about it, he still decidedly has bad weeks, especially leading up to a major photoshoot or some other event where he’s stressing himself sick about looking his best. Like Azul, he also doesn’t make a secret of the control he exercises, and is very vocal about the nutritional qualities of whatever he’s presented with.

Unlike Riddle and Azul both, though, he does a very bad job of not being mad at you when he realizes what you’re doing to yourself.

Vil adores you. Its hard to tell sometimes from an outside perspective. He’s still himself in many ways, still careful of giving himself away too much and still more prone to be critical. But you’re someone deeply precious to him, and he’s never for a second let you forget that fact. So finding out that you’re harming yourself in this way....it feels like a slap in the face. Not only are you secondhandedly implying that his taste for perfection has dimmed, but you’re harming someone he loves very deeply. Did you honestly think he wouldn’t find out about it?!

The confrontation turns into a long lecture, Vil, moving you through the list of every single good feature you have, as well as horror stories about what could have happened to you if you had kept this up. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t sort of trying to scare you. It was ultimately had snapped him out of the worst of it: the fear that he would permanently damage himself in some way and be unable to work. He just keeps going and going, how could you do this, don’t you realize its dangerous-

And then he realizes that you’re in tears.

It forces him to backtrack almost immediately. Quickly apologizing and shifting to comfort mode while he works out what to do next. His intention honestly isn’t to punish you, it just....it frightens him. When he sees you like this. Especially when it hits so close to home on his own poor coping mechanisms. He doesn’t know the right thing to say or do here, but he can recognize when he’s lashing out rather than being helpful. And this is, before anything else, about helping you.

Past the initial meltdown, what he offers you is this. He wants to take the reins on your dietary plan. He knows how to create a meal schedule that will still keep you full of energy while carefully toning you down. He can’t promise exactly the body that you want, but he can promise that you will shed some weight if that’s honestly what you want, as well as keeping you to a healthier version of yourself. If you can stick to it and not going, he promises not to micromanage or hover over you. He won’t stick his nose where its not wanted, at the risk of triggering you both, but the tradeoff you have to offer him is that you promise to take care of yourself to the best of your ability.

He loves you very much. Never for a second doubt that. He’s a discerning eye when it comes to beauty.

Idia Shroud: Idia honestly noticed a lot earlier than he ever let on, but was hesitant to bring it up. For one thing, he’s not exactly the picture of health himself. He sustains himself on a hummingbird diet of hard candy and baja blasts. One bite of a vegetable might honestly send him into shock. For another (related) reason: he hates when people comment on his food choices. It feels unnecessarily scrutinizing, and also like he’s making fun of. He did start noticing that you weren’t eating as much as you used to, but he went for a while without commenting on it. Not wanting to embarrass you if it really was just a coincidence.

Then you faint standing up too fast from his bed and wake up to a very panicky Idia hovering over you and babbling at a thousand miles an hour about how you’re dying, you’re dying on his bed and its all his fault and he doesn’t know what kind of wasting disease you’ve contracted but its probably because he cursed you with his presence or something and now-

Once you can get a word in edgewise and explain yourself...First off, he doesn’t tolerate any bullshit or language tricks on your part. Despite his terror of confrontation Idia has a great nose for lies. One way or another he’s somehow worming the truth out of you, leaving him...honestly kind of at a loss.

He has body issues of his own. He hates pretty much everything about himself, how tall he is, how his face looks, his weird proportions and creepy grin. But if he had a solution to them he wouldn’t exactly be in this mess, now would he? So how is he supposed to solve someone else’s? Does he even deserve to lecture you when he’s failing this challenge in so many ways of his own?

What he does (eventually) manage to get out is: if you really want to do this for yourself, he won’t stand in your way. But he worries. He worries when you don’t act like yourself, he worries when you’re sick. So...you’ll have to meet each other halfway, ok? Otherwise...ok he doesn’t actually want to make threats but you get the point!!!

Its a clumsy and frequently inefficient process. He starts keeping a lot of healthier snacks around his room for you to snack on whenver he notices you’re looking a little pale. The two of you finally manage to agree to eat at least two actual meals a day, and send picture proof to each other when you can’t eat together (Ortho pulls you aside to thank you for that). He’ll also offer to get you set up with a bot on your phone to dish out regular reminders to drink water and eat, as well as a way to log your progress on your way to your goals. When he’s feeling particularly bold, he likes to include little notes in there too, small tokens of affection that he’d never have the nerve to say out loud.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. But he knows that he wants you ok. Only one of you can be having a self-confidence spiral at a time, deal?

Malleus Draconia: Also slow on the uptake. His general detachment from human concepts of time and mortality basically means that he doesn’t really have a strong sense of how often you should be eating. Not to mention, avoiding Lilia’s cooking is just basic common sense, not necessarily indicative of some deep issue. When you start having health issues, he’s obviously concerned, but readily swallows whatever excuses that you give him.

It takes consistent expression of symptoms for him to realize something might be more wrong than you want to let on. He confronts you very directly, showing you that impossibly grave look on his face whenever you try to wave it off. He wants the actual reason, no matter how embarrassing it may be.

The problems you’re experiencing are a little hard for him to grasp. Immortality tends to detach you from too much concern about the shape of your body. He can’t exactly shapeshift (well. Not as far as you know ;) ) but he’s been many shapes and sizes in his time. Lilia even more so. None more or less valuable than the rest. Your body is the vessel which houses the self, fae wisdom says, and the only rule is that the preservation of that self is a good above all else.

Still. He recognizes that this may be a case where the limitations of mortality may add a certain urgency to your actions. He likes your body. But if you don’t, and you seriously wish to pursue a change which will make you more happy with it, then the best he can do is offer you the support you need on that journey.

However, Malleus won’t tolerate you harming yourself. For any reason. Its rare he’ll encroach on your independence, but if you continue to be faint and dizzy he’ll quickly...encourage you to eat or drink something. Won’t let you leave his sight until he’s certain you do. He’s not above spying on you either, making sure that you’re taking care of yourself even when you don’t think he can see. You may have to tell him off for this on occasion. You’re not a child. But he’s firm on this: life takes priority over aesthetics. He’ll do whatever it takes to preserve life, healthy, full life, when it comes to you.

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scorpionoesit · 2 years ago

Text

Okay, was debating whether or not to post this, but if not for my own sake, I feel I at least need to do it for someone else’s. I need to address some stuff about the update post. (To those of you who didn’t get a chance to read it, this is going to be very confusing for you. Sorry.)

Specifically, I have some things to say to certain groups of people who responded.

—To those of you who were offended, disgusted, insulted, and/or annoyed at my post and made it very clear in the comments:

You were right.

And I am sorry.

I’ll say this now: I am not sorry for sharing my beliefs. That is something I will not and cannot apologize for.

But that doesn’t mean I didn’t make a mistake. What I posted was poorly timed, very poorly worded, and not thought out, and I can very clearly see why what I posted could be seen as disrespectful to Techno and his family (Hindsight is 20/20, and all that jazz). I let my emotions get the better of me.

(That tends to happen when you talk with your emotions instead of your head: you forget to think about what you’re saying.)

That said, some of you crossed a line.

You made insinuations and accusations that you had no right to make and no grounds to base them on. I understand that some (but not all) of them were based on ignorance and misunderstandings, which is fine, but the way you worded them was not.

This is not a—“oh, how dare you argue with me about my beliefs”—rant. (I was fully expecting people to disagree with me when I made that post.)

This is a rant about how some of you need to watch your words.

Because words hurt.

And your words hurt me.

I will happily admit that, under normal circumstances, I am in a good place mentally. I don’t suffer from depression or anxiety (mostly).

But that first weekend after the news was really rough. I was not in a good place mentally, and I tried to do something about it, and then you went and threw it back in my face with no small amount of contempt.

It got to the point that my family noticed, and were legitimately concerned for my mental health, and that has never happened before. One family member got almost physically sick because they were worried about me.

And that is not okay.

I’m fine now, I promise. I’m not even upset about it anymore, honestly. Annoyed and a little ticked off, maybe, but I’m over the worst of it. But I need you all to understand: words. have. consequences.

A lot of people were hurting that week. I was in the fortunate position of being in a good place mentally when I heard the news, but I think we can all agree that many authors do not have that. And if someone in a bad mental state, already worsened by the death of a loved content creator, made a post they thought would help both them and others, and then got hate for it?

You could have very easily pushed someone past their breaking point.

That said, I’m not dumb enough to ignore the very real possibility that most of the toxic comments I received were made by people who were in just as much pain as I was, if not more. I’ve already admitted I’m partially guilty of posting something while under the influence of emotions, and I’d say it’s safe to assume others are just as guilty.

But the next time you see something that offends you, or that you don’t agree with, or that you think is disrespectful to certain people…sometimes, all it takes is a gentle nudge and a “hey, maybe reword that a bit, yeah?”. You don’t need to tear apart someone’s intentions, or try to psychoanalyze them to get your point across.

TL;DR—be careful of what you say, and how you say it. You don’t know where people are mentally, and your words can have a serious effect on not only their mental health, but also those around them. Also, whoever coined the “sticks and stones may break my bones” phrase needs a harsh slap upside the head.

Alright, that’s the end of this little PSA.

Moving on.

—To those of you who did not like my post, but were very considerate in your responses:

Thank you for your honesty, your consideration, and for your common sense. I meant no offense in my post, and I’m sorry that what I said made you unhappy.

—To those of you who were made extremely uncomfortable by my post for personal reasons:

I owe you all an apology, whether or not you commented. I didn’t think about how my post could affect those with trauma related to the issue at hand, and that again was an extreme error on my part. I should have put a trigger warning on all of my posts when I first posted them.

Also, just to be clear and to ease your worries, neither Vagabonds nor Braided will have any content of that sort in them, I promise. Vagabonds will have a very brief, passing mention of it in the next chapter or two, but it is solely for the sake of world-building. Nothing more.

Again, I apologize for not taking you into account. It will not happen again.

—Now, to those of you who were supportive of my post:

Thank you. From the very bottom of my heart, thank you. I can’t tell you what a relief it was that I wasn’t the only one in this fandom dealing with the same thoughts on the matter, or that there were people who shared my beliefs. I hope to see some of you around.

—To those of you who, despite being part of a different and conflicting(?) belief system, were still supportive of my post:

I cannot express to you how much your comments meant to me, so I’m not going to try. Just…thank you.

—To those of you who never actually got to read the post and are sitting here very confused about this entire conversation:

Suffer. <3

In all seriousness, though, I am dropping this topic completely after this post.

I will say this once and only once: do not try to bring it up.

If you send an ask, and a single sentence tries to fish for information about what happened in the post or what people said, I will just delete the entire ask. I am ending the drama here and now.

Alright! That’s all I had to say on the matter. Apologies for the seriousness—I felt it needed to be said—but after this you’ll be getting the good ole’ crack and sass back.

(Also, to the one ask who actually did send me an actual question about the topic, I’ll answer back, I promise, but talking on the internet is haaaarrrRRRDDDDDD—)

OKAY BYE!

#scorpio chat #watch your words

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