#I’m kinda drunk and mad sleep deprived

[srvphm]

it’s 3am and I’m thinking about how I have thousands of scars that my body will bear for the remaining of my life and I got almost all of them within 5 years of my life

[sarahlynnirl]

Losing my best friend - Sugar Daddy culture is not empowering

I finally feel strong enough to talk about this and hopefully get some love, support, and reassurance from other women who agree that this is fucked up. I’ve never been “terfy on main” before so here goes. (TW child abuse + SA but no graphic descriptions of SA)

My mother is a narcissist who financially and emotionally abused my father and myself, with some additional physical abuse of me, for as long as I can remember. My dad made plenty of money but my mom controlled it all and made sure it didn’t go towards anything for me beyond the bare minimum required not to look obviously guilty of child abuse and neglect. I met Kiara (not her real name) when I was a junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Her mom was a single Korean woman doing her best to support Kiara and her 2 sisters while also running a Korean restaurant. My first jobs were a summer camp counselor and fitting room attendant at Forever 21. I would spend the last scraps of my paycheck making sure Kiara was able to order a full meal when our friends went out to dinner, buying her little gifts, and generally trying to keep us both as happy and healthy as possible.

When Kiara graduated highschool her mom drove her into Koreatown New Jersey, got her a room in the apartment of an acquaintance, and basically left her to fend for herself. Kiara spoke barely any Korean. She began working at a Korean salon where she met Ariana (not her real name). She had a NY cosmetology license, not an NJ one, while Ariana was an illegal immigrant from Korea so they were both overworked, underpaid, forced to work overtime, paid under minimum wage, and deprived of their tips. They couldn’t report or complain about this since they were both working illegally.

Kiara had to pay rent for the one room she occupied despite her land lady yelling at her, walking into her room while she slept, banning her from having friends over, and reporting to her mom if she spoke to a guy on the phone or a guy dropped her off. I was working at a restaurant in my college town on top of my classes and doing my best to keep surprising her with little gifts, but neither of us had enough disposable income to afford to visit each other. This was really difficult for me as she was my favorite person in the world and I was used to spending every second with her when we both lived in upstate NY. Ariana got them both to start using SeekingArrangement for one time meet ups with Sugar Daddies where they were paid anywhere from $200-2000 for sex. “The first time I ever did it I walked out of the hotel and just screamed because I was so disgusted and I was thinking about his wrinkly skin touching mine and all I wanted to do was get in the shower and scrub it off but I had $1000 cash in my hand for a couple hours of work which was so crazy and kinda made it all worth it ya know?” - Ariana to me

I was immediately skeptical and a little grossed out but Kiara genuinely seemed happier. She was buying new clothes for herself, ordering food to the apartment when she was hungry, and taking trips into NYC to have fun with Ariana and her friends. By the beginning of the summer of 2019, Kiara had found the Sugar Daddy who she would establish a long term agreement with and who ultimately ended up completely supporting her. I’m not going to say his name here but if people want to know it just ask, I am willing to share. He moved her into a much nicer much bigger apartment with Ariana as her roommate. He paid for me to fly up and visit her, and all of our activities during this vacation. I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry. I wish I shoved the money back in her hand before it was too late, I wish I worked harder and longer hours and got us an apartment in Florida and paid both of our rent. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t listen to my instincts and allowed her to brush off my concerns. It was the most freedom we had ever had, I ran around NYC by myself while she was at work, and my ex took the bus to NJ from upstate NY and joined us for a few days. I feel so selfish but I also didn’t know how bad things would get.

One night Kiara and I went to NYC for dinner with her SD and she took the bus back to the apartment because she had to work early the next morning. It made sense for me to stay in the city because I was supposed to visit my friend at NYU the next morning. In the Uber to his apartment alone with him he was drunk and high and I very clearly looked scared shitless. At this point she was 19 (but she had looked that way since age 17 and I doubt he would have minded if she was lying about her age), I was 21 and he was 44. He seemed offended by my discomfort and was basically like “jeez relax I’m not gonna touch you, I really care about Kiara I think she’s so amazing, just go to the guest room and sleep, make a left to walk to NYU when you wake up.” I peaced the fuck out of there early the next morning.

After that summer Kiara and Ariana quit their jobs at the Korean salon and sugaring became their sole incomes. Ariana was still doing one time meet ups, not nearly as financially stable as Kiara, and got herself into a lot of credit card debt that to my knowledge she’s still in. At this point Kiara was flying down and staying with me in Florida so often that people at my college thought she went there too. I also wasn’t working at this point because college had gotten harder and my ex was fucking up my mental health real bad. He had given me a coke problem and Kiara sending me “grocery money” was enabling me to continue. I wasn’t honest with her about where all the money was going. During Halloween week we didn’t know that she couldn’t just snort molly (MDMA) with the frequency I was doing coke, she ODed, my guy best friend took us to the ER, it was so fucking scary, she got IV fluids for 2 hours and made a full recovery, she stopped doing molly, I kept doing coke. I’m so sorry :(

In November her SD paid for us to take a trip to Cancun Mexico. He was with us for the first part of the trip and this is where things started to get really bad. He tried to be my friend and act the way a boyfriend of my best friend who was my age would, but it was creepy and wrong and I was so uncomfortable. He asked about my drug use in a way that was gross and shamey and basically him seeing me as the “coke whore” stereotype...while continuing to buy me more coke. He also brought and gave us ecstasy pills. He asked really invasive questions about my relationship with my ex, why I stayed, my sex life, etc. It felt like an uncle asking me these questions, I did NOT wanna talk about any of this with him. But from what I did say it was very clear to someone with 44 years of life experience that I had an abusive mother, an addictive personality, and was in an unhealthy relationship. He offered to set me up with an SD friend of his looking for a sugar baby. I of course declined because I always knew this was a boundary I wasn’t willing to cross. No matter how bad my addictions got I would NOT give up that piece of myself in return for money.

In this part of Mexico, drugs that were only given with a prescription in the US were available over the counter. Kiara and I got a little box of 1mg Xanax with my money. My ex had given us Xanax a couple times in NY and we had fun with it, but at this point in time we did NOT have a problem with it. We had bought one bar, broken it in half, and each took half one night of Halloween week and called it “xanpires”, but this wasn’t something we were scripted or buying regularly from plugs. We went to dinner with her SD, we got up to go to the bathroom, and she immediately slipped and hit the ground. I was like woah did you take one of the xans and forget? Because we were supposed to tell each other if we were taking one so we could look out for each other. I was never mad at her! I never wanted money from her! I was just a little concerned, and once I determined that she was safe we thought it was kinda funny that she had taken a xan without realizing and started joking around about it. Her SD of course didn’t understand how a 19 year old and 21 year old girl joke with each other because he was a creepy old man, decided that we were “arguing”, and got up from the restaurant, walked across the street, bought a 90 count bottle of 2mg xans and gave it to me. This was honestly the most irresponsible way someone has ever treated me in my life, and this is coming from someone with an abusive and neglectful parent. Google “benzo withdrawal” if you’re not familiar with it.

We went to a different hotel, and Kiara and I both took xans and blacked out. I passed out on the guest bed, while Kiara was awake but in a conscious blackout. I woke up on the couch on the balcony (which was fine, it was comfy and I saw the sunrise over the beach. The gross part was that meant her SD had picked me up, put his hands on my body while I was unconscious and carried me out there). I remembered that at one point I had woken up, wanted to go to the bathroom or get something from inside, caught a glimpse of what I thought was them having sex, and went back outside. I mentioned it to Kiara and she had no memory of it whatsoever, she thought all she had done was gone to sleep. She was rightfully pissed the fuck off that her SD had taken advantage and done things with her while she was blacked, screamed at him, he gave us a half ass apology, and bought us more stuff (buying our silence). He finally flew home and we got to enjoy the trip with just each other, but I was careless with the dosage of a drug called tramadol, and I ODed with my head in her lap...I’m sorry. When I woke up I was hallucinating, hearing voices, crying hysterically and terrified. Kiara called my ex who asked how many mg I took, told us I was 100mg short of the amount that would require medical attention, made me laugh, and told me to go to sleep. I recognize how scary and unfair to her this was and I really do take responsibility for my actions. The day I was supposed to leave I did ecstasy, hooked up with a guy from Canada, and tried to skip my flight. She was mad because like yeah what the fuck. She got me on the flight, the ecstasy comedown hit, and there’s pictures of me crying in the airport because I hated when we fought.

I was supposed to stop in Miami, then fly back to my college town but while in Miami I texted my granny that I was “sad and really didn’t feel good and could she and my uncle visit me at the airport and bring my uncles dog?”. Her parenting instincts went off that something was very wrong, made me skip the flight, picked me up from the airport and took me to her house where I immediately threw up and ran an extremely high fever that night. She said it was one of the scariest nights of her life and she kept checking on me to see if I needed to go to the hospital. She drove me back to my college town where my guy best friend took me to the ER and it came out that Kiaras SD, in addition to giving me drugs, had also allowed me to drink Mexican tap water throughout the entire trip. I was treated for that + given chlamydia meds just in case since I’d had unprotected sex in a foreign country. I was fine, promised to do better, Kiara forgave me, things started to go back to normal. Except I had begun taking Xanax daily to deal with the anxiety of the illness...and she had a trip to Bali planned.

During that trip things managed to get even worse. She was there with her SD and another Korean friend and her SD was pressuring her and guilting her into sex, isolating her from her friend, going through her phone, and becoming extremely aggressive. She would call me crying and having panic attacks and I would walk out of class to try to comfort her over FaceTime. She did not have panic attacks before this trip. She begged to go home early because something was very wrong but he said it was a waste of money and kept her in Bali until the planned end of the trip. I think it was almost a month. She sent me a recording she secretly took of him screaming at her and her saying “don’t touch me, don’t grab me like that, leave me alone”. When she got back to the US I was begging her to stop. I was so worried for her safety. I said the money wasn’t worth it, we’ll get jobs, please just stop. I’m pretty sure he read those messages. We also had a suspicion that he had installed spyware on her phone but were never able to prove it. At this point I also reached out to my dad for help and his response was basically “I don’t care, not my problem, focus on school”. I reached out to my granny who absolutely cared, but her response was “I’m sorry but I can’t afford to support her, I have to focus on taking care of you, if she won’t stop this you’ll have to stop being friends with her”.

I went home to New York for winter break, suffered through my first round of Xanax withdrawal and was truly trying to get better but my ex manipulated his was back in my life and got me addicted again....but now this bottle of 90 had run out. I went back to my college town, got scripted, and was copping street bars when my script inevitably ran out early. What comes next is blurry for obvious reasons. We moved to the town in Florida my granny lived in and got an apartment together. The female friends she made in our town (my current home) she got most of them into sugaring and using SeekingArrangement. Things deteriorated super fast at this point. I was struggling hard, failing my online classes, and eventually got completely financially cut off by my parents. My granny was paying my half of the rent and my puppy’s vet bills but I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t afford groceries. Kiara was pressuring me hard to go on SeekingArrangement but I still refused. I would sit on the floor of the bathroom in a towel after I showered and just cry because the steam made me nauseous and dizzy since I wasn’t eating.

I met my current boyfriend and something just started to click: I didn’t wanna live like this anymore. The mom of a friend from this town who also refuses to sugar landed me an interview at the gym I currently work at, I fought for the job, and I got it. Now I knew I didn’t wanna be completely fucked up all the time anymore but I was still doing enough Xanax to keep me out of withdrawal. The 2mg that had blacked me out at the beginning were now just barely enough to keep me functional. Kiara and I were fighting frequently and bad by this time. She and her partner in sugaring, Mena (not her real name but pretty close to it, fuck this bitch fr) were expecting me to keep how they made their money a secret....from friends and guys that I saw every single day. They both very obviously did not work and were flexing new cars, designer clothes, and cash all over their social media. Kiara thought she could cover her ass by saying she dealt drugs but it was also obvious that she wasn’t putting the time into that to come up with the amount of money she had. The only one dealing drugs was me, and not enough to do anything flashy, just enough that in addition to my work money I was usually getting enough to eat. But there were still some times when the previous weeks paycheck had run out and I was having my first meal of the day at 3pm after someone had bought adderall from me. We had our serious serious fight where she threw my stuff in the lawn and I lived with my current boyfriend full time for about a couple weeks since my bedroom at my granny’s was getting refloored when this happened.

By January 20th he was concerned by my Xanax problem and wanted me to seriously try to stop. At the time I started tapering because I wanted the girlfriend title but I’m forever grateful for him giving me a reason, even if it was a shallow one, because I just needed to START. We tried to reconcile once, despite boyfriend and guy best friend begging me not to, and of course the same problems reappeared, we had another serious fight and haven’t spoken since.

Now the fog is clearing and today I’m 96 days clean of xanax, 16 days clean of all benzos, and 19 days clean of gabapentin (what was keeping me from having a seizure while quitting benzos). But it’s hard because being out of the fog means feeling all of my emotions, even the really bad ones. This past week I’ve been waking up and crying sitting in front of my mirror trying to put my makeup on for work and it just drips right off and I have to start over. She was my best friend for 8 years. My favorite person. My partner in life. I loved her more than anyone.

My boyfriend and guy best friend are pretty uncomfortable when they hear someone express an opinion of me that’s “Kiara’s side of the story” and I don’t correct it. Both of them saw exactly how bad it got near the very end and don’t get why I don’t defend myself more or tell people about her letting my dog eat dab (THC) wax while she was supposed to be watching her and having to be rushed to the animal hospital TWO separate times. (She’s a Pomeranian and the highly concentrated THC was super dangerous to her tiny little body). Yelling at me and giving me the silent treatment because less than 48 hours after my SA she expected me to drive her to a hair appointment in Miami and I woke up late and didn’t get her there on time with traffic. Me begging her to be there for me when it felt like everything was falling apart and I self harmed for the first time and her leaving me to go on a vacation to Orlando with a girl we didn’t even really like. Me not wanting to sleep in the apartment alone after my SA and her not letting me sleep in her bed anymore, her and Mena just dumping me at the neighbor’s so they could continue to sugar, party, and see guys our age at night (this sounds super awful but neighbors roommate —> current boyfriend. He kept me safe until I felt better, was really sweet and careful, and I was the one to make the first move). There’s more but I really don’t like talking about it, after the abuse she went through and I assume is still going through, I expect her to be pretty damaged and not have it in her to treat people right all the time. Not exposing every bad thing she’s ever done to all our mutual friends and acquaintances is kind of my last gift to her.

I also admit that sugaring wasn’t responsible for everything that went wrong. Loving an addict is difficult and exhausting and I went through it myself with my ex. I was also out bi and she was “probably straight, maybe a little bi-curious” in her words. But when she was drunk or on Xanax she’d kiss me first...we had done more than kiss but only during 3somes with a guy. I don’t know, I think I loved her more than I was supposed to and some of the stuff she’d say made me think she saw me in a way she really didn’t. When we first moved to this town I had a thing with a girl and expected it to be no big deal but things here were different than up north. I got called the d slur for the first time by someone who wasn’t joking. It was like getting slapped I was so shocked and hurt, I truly didn’t think that happened anymore. I think she saw what happened to me and kinda closed off that part of herself because she didn’t wanna experience that herself. She stopped making out with me at bars and parties after that and it made me sad and maybe a little jealous. But I really do blame her SD for basically “breaking her”, for handing me that first bottle of free Xanax, for a lot of other little things that I can’t possibly include because this is already way too long. This is my first time even saying this much. Feel free to add your own experiences or thoughts on this or anything you’d like. [I’m prepared to get death threats or called a SWERF or whatever but I don’t care, now that I started talking about this I’m not going to stop.]

[katie-writes24]

Five Of A Kind

Pairing: Poly!Hamilsquad x reader

Warnings: Language, fluff, opinionated comments towards the Spider-Man movies, I guess some things are implied, but barely

Just something I came up with. I’m a sucker for Poly!hamilsquad :) Takes place at the start of their relationship. Uh, shoutout to Pinterest for giving me prompt ideas ig? I’m going to start working on more requests after this. Enjoy!

She sat in a booth in the corner, watching through the window the busy streets of New York. The sun had been replaced by heavy clouds, and it was obvious it would rain any minute.

She tapped an impatient finger against the handle of her mug, looking at her phone once more before the seat across her was filled by John and Lafayette.

“About time,” She raises a brow and John looked back sheepishly.

“At least we’re not the last ones here,” Just then a waiter came over and took their drink orders. When he left, Laf took her hand into his.

“How are you, mon ange? We have not seen you in a while.” Y/N felt a pang of guilt hit her. She had been absent from the past months movie and game nights, missed out on a couple of dates, all due to school work piling up.

“I know, I’m sorry. Just had a lot of work to do. I swear, I won’t cancel again.” She smiled and Laf kissed her knuckles, only to be startled when Hercules threw an arm around him, pulling him into a kiss.

“Ce qui ne va pas avec vous? You scared me!” Laf put a hand to his heart while John snickered beside him.

Hercules chuckled and sat down next to Y/N, placing an arm at the back of the booth and kissing her cheek. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Alex is last, as usual. Give me my ten dollars,” He nudged Laf who rolled his eyes, but pulled out a bill from his wallet. The waiter came back with their drinks and took Herc’s order, as well as a coffee for Alex.

“Has he been working this late the whole week?” She asked. Though she has been doing the same recently, they all knew college classes and his job were totally different. Alex working late would only bring more tension, stress and sleep deprivation to them all.

“Just the past two days,” John shook his head, looking out the window as the rain came. “Dude doesn’t even think time exist anymore.”

“Speak of the devil,” Hercules nodded towards the front of the cafe, and they all watched him walk over.

“Fifteen minutes? That’s a new record, man.” Y/N said bitterly, but not really meaning it.

“Water falls from the sky and people don’t know how to drive.” Alexander sits next to Laf and takes off his jacket. “I’m sorry, I’ll buy this time.”

“Bribery will get you nowhere,” She sipped from her mug, but willingly ordered her meal carefree.

~~~~~

“So...it’s one character?”

“Correct.”

“But three different actors?”

“Right.”

“In three different...worlds?” Lafayette tilted his head as he watched the screen.

“Well...kinda. It’s basically in the same universe, but just different stories. Like the last Peter Parker is set in the same timeline as the Avengers.” Alex shoves more popcorn in his mouth as Laf narrows his eyes.

“I do not get it.”

“You don’t have to get it, babe,” John smiles and runs his hand through Y/N’s hair.

“Uh, yes, he does have to get it if we’re going to binge all of the Spider-Man movies,” She looked up at John as if he was crazy. He giggled and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“All you have to understand is Andrew Garfield was the worst Spider-Man,” Hercules said, earning agreeing hums from Alex.

“But he is the cutest one,” Y/N smiled as she watched said actor on screen in his suit.

“Oh, I can totally fight with you on that!” Alex gave her an accusing stare.

“Non, I think he’s pretty cute!” Laf snuggles further into John, and the latter tilts his head up and gives him a peck on his jaw.

“You haven’t even seen Tom Holland yet, your opinions aren’t valid right now!” Alex throws popcorn at his head from the other couch.

“Shhhhh, this is the best part...” Herc put his finger up to Alex’s lips, and he quickly took it into his mouth, causing Hercules to groan in annoyance.

~~~~~

The bell above the door jingled, Hercules looking up from the suit he was working on. His concentrated frown turned into a warming smile as he saw her walk in with a plastic bag in her hand.

“Tell me there’s something edible in there?” He leaned his arms against the counter and smirked as she froze in her steps.

“Are you saying my presence isn’t enough for you?” Y/N scoffed and set the bag down next to him. “But yes, I might have some food in here.”

“I thought you had class?” Herc smiled as she pulled out two containers of burgers.

“I just finished, thought you’d be hungry. I knew you had to come in early, and from John’s drunk text last night, it seemed like you didn’t get enough sleep.” She laughed as he rolled his eyes.

“I got maybe four hours. I don’t know how Alex does it,” He munched on a fry and intertwined their hands together. “Thanks for the food.”

“Of course,” Y/N smiled and the two ate in comfortable silence after that. She could see the different types of fabric thrown across the back tables. It was an obvious sign of stress, it looked like Herc’s office at his apartment. When they finished their meal, she cleared her throat, “Hey, don’t stress yourself out okay? I know you guys are understaffed, but that doesn’t mean all the work has to be thrown on you.”

“I know, but I was the only one on shift today, which means I get all the new orders.” He ran a hand over his face and sighed. “I should probably get back to work.”

“Sure,” She started to leave, but his hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his chest. She leaned into the embrace and smiled.

“You can stay if you want? I could use the company,” He kisses her head and leans back to look into her eyes.

“I guess I could work on some essays,” She leaned up and kissed him soundly. “Thanks.”

~~~~~

She knocked on the door as she tried to shake off the snow sticking to her coat. It opened a moment later with a relieved looking Aaron on the other side.

“Thank god,” He sighed and stepped to the side to let her in.

“Still hasn’t been out of his room?” Y/N stripped out of her jacket and looked around the messy apartment.

“Not since this morning, and it was only to get another coffee. I’m surprised you guys didn’t check on him sooner.” Aaron raised a brow as she chuckled.

“We talked to him two nights ago, and he seemed fine. Trust me, this isn’t the worse it’s been.” She knocked on his bedroom door, and after not receiving an answer, she opened it slowly.

Alexander was sitting at his desk, back to the door and typing away on his laptop. She sighed as she looked around the room. Cans of energy drinks and candy wrappers had been thrown hazardously near the small trash can in the corner, along with shreds of paper. His bedsheets were thrown carelessly and different documents laid on top.

Y/N shook her head and walked towards where he was seated at his computer chair. She wrapped her arms around the him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

“You are freezing,” He winced, voice hoarse like he hasn’t spoken in days.

“How long have you been sitting here?” She asked, eyes roaming over the paragraphs he was typing.

“Today?”

“Alex!” She tutted disapprovingly, reaching for his laptop to close it, but he was quicker, grabbing at her hand.

“No! I just need to finish this real quick!” Shoving her hand away, he leaned forward and typed faster.

“You’ve been in here for hours, for all I know days,” Y/N’s hands wrapped around his, and squeezed them. “When’s the last time you ate something? Or showered? Or walked around?”

The silence was enough to fill her question.

“You’re not taking care of yourself, Al. And do you remember that we had plans tonight? We were all gonna go ice skating.”

“Fuck, it’s already Saturday,” Alex ran a hand over his face and grumbled. “I’m sorry.”

There was frustration in his voice, and she would be lying if Y/N said she didn’t feel bad for him. He has been stressed about work lately, picking up a lot of other people’s slack and working late hours. She held him closer and kissed his neck softly, his own hand coming up to her arm and rubbing a soothing thumb across it. They stayed like that, until he eventually leaned forward and started typing away again, saving the document once again.

“When’s your deadline?”

“Tuesday.”

“Are you kidding me?!” She slammed the computer closed and pulled him away from the chair.

~~~~~

“What the hell, John?” Hercules slammed his cards against the table as John laughed.

“You guys suck at this game,” He smirked and laid his cards out.

“You’re cheating, its so obvious that you’re cheating,” Alex walked away from the table, Laf smirking at how easy it was for him to get mad.

“It’s just a game, mon amie,” Laf chuckled as Alex flipped him off.

“I’m turning in, I gotta work the early shift tomorrow,” Hercules stretched his arms and yawned.

“You are all welcomed to stay the night, there is plenty of space,” Laf offered, hope in his voice. He liked when he didn’t have to go to sleep alone, which is something that hasn’t happened in quite a while.

“I can’t Laf, I got an early meeting,” Alex frowned as he put in his shoes.

“Me too, and I got to be early or Lee will never let me hear the end of it,” John kissed the top of Laf’s head and walked towards Alex.

“I can stay, I don’t have class tomorrow,” Y/N grinned as Laf turned from disappointed to excited.

“Don’t have too much fun, you two,” Hercules smiled and kissed them both goodbye, Alex and John doing the same before leaving the house.

Laf wiggled his eyebrows with a smirk at her, which she pushed his shoulder and walked upstairs to his room. He soon followed and gave her a pair of pajamas to change into.

They fell into bed easily, Y/N cuddled up into his side as he wrapped his arms around her protectively. She could hear his heartbeat and sighed with content.

“What are you thinking about, cherie?” He whispered, not wanting to disturb the quiet.

She hesitated before answering, “How great this all has been...all of us, together. It’s pretty amazing.”

“That it is,” Laf kissed her forehead and smiled. “I wouldn’t trade these past months for anything.”

Y/N leaned forward and captured his lips, not moving until he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. He held her cheek with care, pecking her lips a few more times before pulling away.

“Get some sleep, Y/N. For all I know you could be schemeing with all this kissing.” She chuckled and kissed him one last time before turning over and leaning into his chest. He kissed the back of her neck before wishing her sweet dreams.

~~~~~

Classes had finally ended for the semester, which meant Y/N was making plans to catch up on sleep. Yet, despite her wishes to stay in her dorm for the break, the boys offered for her to switch between their homes, saying that it would allow them to spend more time together, and, let’s face it, they all didn’t like going to sleep alone.

The first weekend, they all wanted to celebrate her successful school semester, and while they wanted to go out and party, she was perfectly content with ordering take out and being lazy on Alex’s sofa.

Y/N was spread out across John, face buried in his chest while he ran his hand up her back comfortingly. She was drifting in and out of consciousness, startling between an explosion on the TV and Hercules loud laughter.

She was almost asleep when she felt John’s fingers begin to move across her spine. He had a pattern, going back and forth and up and down, almost like he was writing something. A couple minutes later she went to turn over so her face would be towards the cushion, before she figured out what he was writing.

“I love you, too,” Y/N mumbled, barely giving it a second thought before she knocked out completely.

John stared at her in shock, eyes wide and a blush across his cheeks. Even though the volume was loud, the other boys could hear her clearly, looking over in amusement, shock and adoration.

John swallowed and embraced Y/N, nuzzling into her neck and smiling as she snored.

Let me know if you want to be tagged!!!!

@dontblinkumightmiss @wwaywardwinchester

[threeletterslife]

07 | Illegirl

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→ summary: Excelling in every school subject, acing every math test and conquering the academic world is something you do as easily as breathing. As your residential social outcast nerd, you live rather as a recluse, talking to almost no one except for your dear ol’ cousin and that sweet boy in a few of your classes—Jungkook? was that his name? Befriending your ʰᵒᵗ AP stats teacher was the last thing on your high school senior agenda…

→ genre: 90% fluff, 8% crack, 2% angst | teacher!au & f2l!au

→ warnings: profanity, kissing/making out, (kinda??) sexual fantasies

→ wordcount: 6.2k

You need to get rid of all the memories you've had with Jimin.

It's quite simple, actually. You've broken it down into four rules.

1. Don't call him Jimin. He's merely your teacher, not friend

2. You've never ever kissed him before. In fact, let's just say you don't even meet him outside of school for whatever reason

3. You don't know anything about him except his age, name and profession. You certainly don't know anything he hides behind his pretty face

4. Lastly, you weren't his friend, you never were

Ever since the mistaken incident, all fun was stripped away from your life. Essentially, whenever Jin was away, you had Jimin to rely on, but even he was distancing himself from you. You knew it was for the better.

You see a bland pattern these days. During class, Jimin still calls on you (to ensure normal behavior), but both of you avoid eye contact. After class, you silently walk into his classroom and walk out when Jimin's ready to leave. You don't ever exchange words, even when he drops you off.

If you're absolutely forced to talk to him, you don't call him Jimin, you call him Mr. Park, because that's what he really is to you. Only friends call each other by their first names, and Jimin's just a teacher to you.

And you're just a student to him.

You count off the long days until your cousin will come back home. Every day seems to drag on and you constantly can't wait to go to bed for a short while but only to wake up again and start the shitty cycle once more.

But finally, finally, fucking finally, the day comes when your cousin will be back. You're a bit reluctant to accompany your teacher to the airport, but you don't have a car, much less a driver's license.

The car ride is awkward, just as you expected. You manage to sit still, looking out the window the whole time to avoid any chance of eye contact, running math equations in your head to distract yourself.

Of course, in the end, the uncomfortable ride was worth it.

It's Seokjin, after all.

"My baby cousin, best friend! Still alive, I see!" your cousin practically screams as he bull-runs towards you and Jimin, his suitcase basically flying behind him. That earns a few strange looks from passers.

When Jin reaches you, he embraces you in a warm hug.

"I've been living off instant ramen," you whine. "It's not fair that you don't let me get out of the house alone!"

Your cousin cocks his head as he looks between you and Jimin. "Hey, don't you two usually eat together after school?"

"We were both busy," Jimin quickly says, glancing your way awkwardly.

"For a month?" Jin questions.

"Yeah... a lot of homework," you trail off. "Mr. Park still made sure I got into the house safely every time though," you add for some good measure.

"Mr. Park?" your cousin says suspiciously, raising his eyebrows. "Since when did you call Jimin, that?"

Busted.

"Hm... did you two fight?" Jin asks, putting a warm hand on your shoulder. He looks at you meaningfully, as if trying to compel you to tell the full truth. You're not falling for that.

"Oh, of course not," you say giggle unconvincingly. "Why would we fight?"

Jimin laughs nervously. "Y/N's right. We didn't fight."

Jin looks like he doesn't believe both of you. But thankfully, he knows not to push it. "Yeah, I expect it was something like Y/N accidentally got a B on one of your tests, Jimin," he jokes, rolling his eyes. "Anyways, I missed you two," he announces joyfully, bringing in you and your teacher for a hug. "I'll treat you two to a nice dinner."

You perk up, face suddenly glowing as you smile—it felt nice to smile, actually. You haven't done it in a while. "Oh thank god," you say. "No more ramen!"

You haven't really had your fair share of awkward dinners, but goddamn, if you had a list, this dinner would be on the very top of it.

Jin is the only one who's trying to strike up a lively conversation as you and Jimin act like brain-dead zombies. You're half-expecting your cousin to give up on his attempts to crack corny jokes, but no, Jin continues on. You guess you're thankful to have him to make the dinner not a complete shitty event.

Halfway through the meal, Jimin checks his phone, his face feigning surprise. "Oh!" he says rather loudly. "Um, something came up... Er, teacher stuff. I've got to go," he says quickly, standing up. "I'll pay."

"Excuse me, Jimin, I said this is my treat. Go on ahead to your... supposed teacher meeting," Jin says, ushering his friend out with the flip of his hand.

Anyone could tell Jimin was just faking this to get the hell out of here, but none of you were actually going to mention it.

Your teacher just looks gratefully at your cousin and practically dashes out of the nice restaurant.

An awkward silence fills the air for a while.

"So... even if the two of you didn't fight, something still happened," Jin says, turning to face you fully.

"It's nothing, really."

"Nothing? Then do you care to explain why you've lost so much weight? You haven't been eating," your cousin lectures. He points at the dark bags under your weary eyes. "And you haven't been sleeping. You're slipping back to your old habits, Y/N. What happened?"

"It doesn't hurt to do some extra studying..." you mutter. "I've got all the time in the world now," you say sarcastically.

Jin sighs, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. "Y/N," he says sternly. "How many minutes of sleep are you getting a night?"

"Forty-five," you say nonchalantly. "Don't, Jin. It used to be thirty minutes a night so you better not bring out that huge lecture again."

"I thought it was getting better..." your cousin sighs. "You can't keep doing this to yourself, and you know that."

You nod. "I know. But you're here now, right?"

Your cousin looks at you so sadly, you feel like you just might burst into tears. "Y/N, I won't always be here with you. I know I call you my baby cousin, but honestly, you've got to grow up."

His words hit you hard, only because you know he's right.

"I can't always be there to baby you, okay?" Jin says, massaging his forehead with the palm of his hand. "As of now, you're only in high school—in less than a year you'll be going to college. Life is so much more than studying. Stop using that, that shit to distract yourself from things that should mean a lot to you!" your cousin practically yells. He buries his face into his hands.

Your mouth is agape. Jin never cussed. He must be so mad. You fucked up—you've been fucking up for a while, actually.

"Jin," you say, softly shaking your cousin's shoulder. "Jin. I'm sorry."

When he looks up, you're shocked to see smudged tears dwelling on the smooth surfaces of his skin. You've never seen Jin cry—only on stage when it was scripted.

At that moment, you want to tell him everything—you've never actually hidden things from your cousin until Jimin rolled around. You want to tell him about that night Jimin was drunk and kissed you, about your crush on your teacher, how he helped you become the happiest you could be, how a month ago both of you made a huge mistake and kissed... You want to tell your cousin that you've been slipping back to your own habits because you wanted to distract yourself from thinking about him.

But you don't tell him.

"Y/N, I try, okay? I really try to make you happy. Yeah, sometimes it makes me want to rip my hair out, because god, you are such a brat at times!" he chuckles through his tears. "But Y/N, I love you. And I know, whatever has been going on between you and Jimin has been making you happier than ever. It's something I couldn't do for you, and I still beat myself up over that. But something happened between the two of you, and the happiness is gone now. You don't have to tell me anything, but just... don't go studying for hours when you face some sort of problem in your life, okay?"

Fuck, now I'm crying.

You nod, making your tears flow down your face. "Okay. I'm sorry," you manage to say. "I'm so sorry. I've been so selfish—"

Jin wipes your tears away with his soft sweater, pulling you into a tight hug right after. "It's okay. You're still learning, you're only 17. Besides, my outlet is theater. While you were practically starving yourself for a month, I was literally having the time of my life with the drama crew. Don't worry about me too much. I'm not the one who still needs to figure out what to do in life."

All you can do is nod into Jin's chest, sniffling slightly. You love him so much you can't even explain in words.

"Fix things up with Jimin, try, okay? I don't care if you end your senior year having a B, or seven F's—what matters is your happiness. Try to consider that the next time you try to starve and sleep deprive yourself," Jin says softly, his fingers sifting daintily through your hair, caressing it in a way you think a mother would do.

You hum in agreement, your head still resting against your cousin's warm chest. You want to stay like this forever.

But after a few minutes, your cousin tugs you back, smiling brightly at you. "Now, we've put on quite a show in this restaurant, haven't we?" he whispers in a giggly voice.

Whut.

It's only then when you realize this whole episode had happened at the restaurant. In public. You can feel the judging gazes of people.

Oh fuck no.

"Oh my god, this is so embarrassing!" you hiss, gripping your cousin's sweater, face colored bright red as you can't bear to look up again.

Jin laughs heartily. "But what's life without a little public embarrassment?"

He looks up to you as much as you look up to him. As your older cousin, Seokjin always feels the need to take care of you, to make sure you're doing okay. At times, he forgets that he should put himself before others. At times, he forgets that he has a life outside of taking care of you and several grubby high schoolers. At times he forgets who he even is.

But on the days that he forgets, he thinks back to what you always tell him. You, the bratty, but amazing sunshine of his life.

"Jin, you're the goofiest guy I've ever fuc—I mean, freaking met. You'd think such a goofy guy would be empty-headed. But to think that I'm wrong... You're an amazing actor. It's scary to see you on stage sometimes because you're not Jin anymore. Like I swear to fu—flopping god that you change into a completely different person!"

"Y/N, are you complimenting me, or roasting me?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm doing both. One shouldn't take too many compliments at once. It makes them big-headed."

"Well, I can't argue with you, I know that. But you really think I can act?"

"Okay, Jin, I know you can act, alright? I've seen you. Honestly, you should try pursuing it. Oh my god, if you ever get famous, write a play about me!"

Jin chuckles at the memory. He never ever liked letting you see his weak side. To you, he was always some superhero who would always crack up jokes to lighten up any dark mood, his specialty was saving awkward dinners from spiraling out of control.

But since you were deprived of the details of Jin's darker part of his life, he needed someone else to vent to: Jimin.

"Jin, you should start to worry more about yourself than Y/N. Seriously, all you do is talk about her—is she that worrisome?"

"Jimin, bro, you don't even know. She's just... different and I'm so worried about her and how's she's gonna handle you know, life."

"You know what you need to do?"

"What?"

"Take a fucking chill pill. Let the girl be. She's 17, isn't she? You've been babying her too much, you know that? The more you worry about her, the more restricted she'll feel. She'll learn by herself. Life is trial and error—you should know that."

"I—"

"Okay, and in the meantime, holy shit, man, take care of yourself. All you do is teach, take care of Y/N, teach, take care of Y/N, teach, take care of—"

"I think I get the point."

"Yeah? Well, doesn't look like you get it. Jin, do something for yourself for once. What do you like to do?"

"You know, the usual. Sleep... Look in the mirror..."

"If you're not gonna be serious, I'm going to leave—"

"Fine! I like acting okay? I love it. Every year the drama team is invited for competitions and I'm never able to go, so we've been losing every time."

"I presume you can't go to take care of Y/N?"

"Yeah.. uh—"

"I'll take care of her then, buddy. You go fulfill your dream, bro; you deserve it."

"Wait, actually? For real? You'd do that? This better not be one of your jokes."

"Do I look like I'm joking? You deserve to be doing what you want, Jin. Everyone does."

Jin feels so warm inside as he recalls that memory. It was thanks to Jimin that he was able to experience the time of his life at the competition, doing the thing he loved. It had also been thanks to Jimin that you had been happy for quite the longest time.

If Seokjin didn't know any better, he'd say there was just a bit of chemistry between the two of you—it was either that or a solid friendship. But for some reason whatever was there is now gone.

You were colder, more distant than before and even Jimin had stopped laughing so often.

"I know I'm asking you this a lot these days, but are you happy, Y/N? You don't look like it..."

"That's because I'm not. But don't you dare worry about me, it makes me feel selfish. I'm going to find things out when the time comes. You know, I care about you too. And honestly, I want you to stop worrying about me because it's stunting your happiness. I'm 17, I can figure things out myself."

"Can you figure things out by yourself? For real?"

"What did I just say? Yes, I can! I'm telling you, I'm starting to get life, alright?"

Jin shakes his head, sighing. He could always see through your lies. It was painfully obvious you were just saying the things he wanted to hear. He could see the confusion in your eyes whenever you stared at Jimin, he could see how blank your stare was when you were looking at anything else.

So. Obvious.

"Y/N, are you sure there's nothing going on between you and Jimin?"

"I'm absolutely sure."

Jin wasn't so sure you were sure.

The young teacher really hadn't meant to kiss you. Things had just taken an unexpected turn, and judging from your reaction, it had been an enormous mistake. It physically hurt to have lost his other best friend, but he tried hard to not let it affect his life.

He could see it affected you though.

Of course, he had noticed you had lost weight—he also noticed the growing dark circles under your usually sparkling eyes. He could see how much duller you were. He also noticed he was smiling less without you.

Jimin sighs out loud as he makes his way into his car. He really missed having you around, with your unique, spunky personality, beautiful smile and hilarious side comments.

As he's driving, he can't stop thinking about you. Your face, your laugh, god, even your handwriting—sometimes he just spends long minutes admiring your neat penmanship on your tests. He knows every single one of your writing quirks—how you take your time to put a cute little dash over your 7's, or how beautiful your 4's look compared to everyone else's.

Stop it, Park Jimin. You'll crash your car if you don't stop thinking about her.

It takes five minutes longer than it should've, but Jimin finally arrives at the local market, clutching his clear shopping bag. He painfully looks down at it. It reminds him of you.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Um... clear."

"That's not a color, Y/N!"

"Do I fucking look like I care?"

"But that's like saying your favorite fruit is a carrot."

"Wait, my favorite fruit is a carrot! Damn, how'd you guess??"

He can't help but chuckle at the memory, but he abruptly stops, remembering you two won't be able to share memories like this anymore. Sighing, Jimin trudges into the supermarket.

He's been going here a lot these days. Ever since he found out you had not just one sweet tooth, but 28 sweet teeth, he'd been trying to learn how to bake pastries, buying all sorts of ingredients to create saccharine dishes. Just for you.

It wasn't much of a miracle that the last time you had baked together didn't turn out to be a disaster. Jimin had practiced.

He loves cooking with you. You always look ethereal, hair a bit frizzy from the heat and tied back from your face with stray strands brushing against your face. Your cheeks are always flushed and somehow frosting always gets on your forehead. Even thinking about you makes all his sadness and hurt disappear into thin air.

Except, Jimin wasn't going to the store to buy ingredients to bake. He was going to buy some beer. He hadn't gotten drunk ever since he'd accidentally kissed you—the first time, that is. But he figured today, he needed it. He needs to get his mind off of things. He needs to get his mind off of you.

Jimin walks through the aisles, blank-minded, stopping only at the alcohol section. He randomly picks at a pack of beers, knowing he'll probably end up drinking it all today. He grabs it, hand hovering to place the pack in his clear bag.

But again, it reminds him of you.

"I don't know why the fuck you would ever drink. Like, does it taste good? What's the fucking point?"

"I dunno. I just kinda drink it when I want to alleviate stress, I guess."

"Well, that's stupid. You should try ice cream. That stuff makes you feel better right away and it doesn't make you go wack and do hilarious shit you'll end up regretting."

"Are you actually shading me, right now?"

"So what if I am??"

Jimin smiles at the memory. The first mistaken kiss between the two of you was such a joke—you two would always make fun of it. Why couldn't the second one be treated the same?

He sighs, clutching the pack of beer as he puts it back on the shelf. Chuckling to himself, he starts to make his way to the ice cream aisle.

Jimin scans the series of ice cream flavors to choose from. Immediately, the mint chocolate chip ice cream catches his eye, and without hesitation, he takes the tub and places it whole in his shopper.

Y/N's favorite. Jimin smiles, then starts to walk to the checkout, only pausing when he remembers he needs a new set of his favorite red pens. Nodding his head to himself, Jimin makes his way to the office supplies section of the store, scanning the shelves to pick out his favorite.

Big mistake.

As soon as he picks up the 3-pack of his much-needed red gel pens, it reminds him of grading, which reminds him of grading tests, which was exactly what he had been doing just three minutes before he and you had ruined your friendship. Your face looms in his memory.

Something stings inside. It rips his heart and then shrivels it up as if he had dumped it into highly-concentrated saltwater. Like lemon juice on a paper cut—but the paper cut was a gushing wound.

It was as if he only just realized he lost someone crucial to his happiness.

Jimin can't help but make a sour, hurt face, instantly tossing the pack of pens away from him. He doesn't want to deal with bad memories. The pens can wait.

Instead, Park Jimin finds himself wandering back to the alcohol aisle, absentmindedly buying an even larger pack of beers, setting it next to the tub of ice cream. There's enough room in the kitchen for both anyways.

His thoughts are completely blank as he drives home. It's as if the rush of pain he'd felt earlier had hurt so, so much he was now immune to it. It was numb.

He reaches his house, setting down the beer and ignoring the ice cream that would surely melt if kept out in the open; he pauses in his steps, hand midway through raking his hair back. All because he sees his couch.

You loved that couch. Actually, you practically lived on it whenever you came over, insisting to even eat dinner seated on it because "it's fucking comfortable."

When you sleep over, taking his bed, he sleeps on that same couch where he can smell your soothing scent. It lulls him to sleep.

But then comes the fantasies.

"Someone will hear!"

"Let them hear."

"God, Jimin, you have no fucking morals," you breathe shakily. "What if Jin walks in?"

"Jin? Walk in? In my house?" Jimin laughs hotly against your neck. "You're just making excuses, baby girl."

"Why would I make excuses?" you say weakly, gripping the hem of his shirt. "I want this just as much as you do."

"Oh?"

Jimin hums as nuzzles the sensitive part of your neck with his nose.

"R-really, Jimin? But here?" you stutter as your eyes automatically close and your mouth parts.

"We'll take it to the couch, love," he answers, sweeping you up in a smooth fashion and softly laying you on the couch before making his way on top of you.

Your body is enveloped by the plush couch and Jimin whose legs are on either side of your hips. He dips in unhurriedly, his tongue touching your lips before his. You wrap your arms around his neck as Jimin cups your face with both hands, kissing you slowly.

Lips still attached, you tug at the hem of his button-up shirt, and Jimin takes the hint to slowly start unbuttoning it. You shift below him to help him with his buttons and before long, his shirt is off and discarded somewhere on the floor. Only then do you move apart from each other's lips.

You marvel at his fit body, reaching to run your cold fingers across his toned muscles. Jimin doesn't give you enough time to continue your sightseeing as he pushes you back down, playing with the bottom of your t-shirt. He gives you a seductive look as you practically melt under him.

"Why don't we take this off too?"

"J-Jimin..."

Wait a fucking minute. This isn't right.

Jimin sighs loudly as he gives his head a little shake as if it would erase him of that rather inappropriate fantasy. At least he's glad it was one of the more innocent imaginations he's had of you.

But now he feels more broken than ever. You're something he can't have, your relationship only exists in the depth of his mind, hidden away from judgment. Jimin sighs again, ripping open the pack of beers and taking one. It's not even cold, but at this point, he doesn't care.

He just wants to forget.

On second thought, he grabs the whole pack and takes it with him to the kitchen, setting it down, choosing one and cracking it open in one swift move. It's a familiar, refreshing feeling.

Jimin raises the can to his lips, waiting to feel the rush of the bitter contents on his tongue. But he freezes.

He's thinking of you again. It's as if his brain can't function without thinking of you so often. Yet this time, it's not the thought of you, it's the sight. Jimin sees your smiling face, the way your sweet lips part to reveal your smooth teeth in a brilliant grin. He can't but to smile to himself as well.

Almost immediately, he sets the beer down.

Maybe... Maybe you might not want to be friends anymore, but Jimin knows that he does. He figured that's all it takes to make him happy. If the thought of you can make him content, make him choose the right decisions, then he'll just have to continue thinking of you.

He's sorry he moved in to change a friendship into a relationship so fast, and he might just regret it, but in the end, he's glad he's met you.

Jimin slowly picks himself up to grab the tub of your favorite ice cream, scrounging for a spoon. The first bite is heavenly, wonderful and phenomenal.

Just like Y/N.

He shakes his head as he takes another scoop, placing it in his mouth to melt slowly.

Damn. I'm so whipped for her.

You sift heavy textbooks around in your arms, fumbling with your lock before getting it open. Throwing the books in, you sigh as you slam your locker shut. These days, you had lost interest in a lot of things you used to like—school included. Things just seemed so bland. You didn't ever feel like socializing with anyone, forcibly dragging yourself to class every single day.

"Hey, Y/N!" a familiar voice calls as you whip your head around to respond.

"Oh, Jungkook!" you reply, "ah, and Yoongi, Taehyung..." Immediately, guilt courses through your veins. You'd been ditching them during lunch for quite some time now, ignoring their frequent 'where are you?' texts. They'd come to confront you for sure.

"Were you sick?" Jungkook asks as he reaches you. "I didn't see you in school for a while."

"I bet you happened to drop your phone in the toilet as well," Yoongi snarks.

Taehyung coughs awkwardly. "Since you haven't been answering our texts."

"Well, I—" you sigh. How are you supposed to tell them you've been wanting a lot of alone time these days without brutally mutilating their feelings? The answer was too obvious.

"Uh, yeah I was sick. And yeah, I kinda drowned my phone in the toilet," you say. Lies. "I'm sorry if you worried."

"Damn, did you drop your phone in the toilet after you used it, or before?" Yoongi laughs, earning an elbow to the ribs from his truly, Jungkook.

"You don't have to be sorry, Y/N," the sweet math nerd muses, giving Yoongi a dirty look. "We're sorry you haven't felt well. You're better now, right?"

You stand there awkwardly, not wanting to engage in a full-blown conversation. Your daily dose of alone-time was calling, and you desperately wanted to succumb to it.

"Yeah... um, I'm okay, been better. Sorry, I kinda have to go..." you fib. "Um, doctor's appointment?" It sounds more like a question than a solid lie but it'll do for now. "See you sometime later, I guess."

Turning around, you quickly walk away, faintly hearing confusedly murmured goodbyes from your friends. You speed around a corner, finding refuge in the girl's bathroom. Setting your things down in the big stall, you sigh, sitting down on top of your backpack.

It almost feels like the old days.

Except back then, you didn't have to ditch your friends for solitude because you had none. In a way, you feel slightly guilty. Your friends just wanted to hang out with you, it was that simple. But surely, if you hung out with them, you'd ruin the fun and the happy mood.

It's better to not meet them at all than meet them and remember bad things.

It's an upgrade, you think. You used to be afraid that others would hurt you. Now you're afraid you'll hurt others.

Some kind of upgrade.

It's even worse with the situation you have at hand (ahem, the Jimin one). You rarely lift your head up in class, flinching just slightly when he calls your name to solve a problem. It's harder than you think. To get rid of a crush, that is.

Not only that, but it's also wrong to be infatuated with your teacher. You just don't know what to do anymore. Jin didn't buy your feigned happiness—well, any idiot could tell you weren't as content as before. And now you've got a handful of people worrying, fussing over you of all others.

Why couldn't they just leave you alone?

No, that's stupid.

Deep inside, you want them to care, to worry for you. It gives you a feeling that you're not so alone.

"Y/N? You little liar!" a masculine voice screams from the entrance of the girl's restroom.

"Oh shit," you breathe. That was definitely Taehyung. Fuck. Just stay quiet, it's not like they can—

"We're coming in!" Yoongi yells, making the blood drain out of your face.

"Wait, guys!" Jungkook pleads. But it's too late. Yoongi and Taehyung barge into the girl's bathroom, rattling stall doors. Thank goodness you know for a fact no other girls were in here.

Before Yoongi or Taehyung can break down the stalls, you quickly unlatch your door, coming face to face with the two students.

"Ha! I knew you were in here!" Taehyung declares. "Jungkook swore he saw you go to the restroom and not to the office!"

"Doctor's appointment, huh?" Yoongi smirks.

"Well, I—"

"Save it. Jungkook, you little brat, get in here! Stop being a wimp!" Yoongi yells at the top of his lungs.

"Yoongi, will you quiet down? This is the girl's restroom," you hiss.

"But if this is the place you choose to eat your lunch at, we'll be here by your side," Jungkook says, smiling as he timidly walks in the stall. He looks alert as if anyone could open the door to the restroom and catch three teenage boys in a bad act, (which was perfectly plausible).

You don't know how in the hell you're supposed to respond to this. This. This is what friendship should be, isn't it? You'd never really known until now. It's such a beautiful, heartwarming feeling.

"Actually, JK, my man, you can be by her side, Yoongi and I have some business to take care of," Taehyung giggles has Yoongi links his arm around his.

"Wait, huh? That wasn't the pl—"

"Buh-bye!" Yoongi sings, waving his fingers at you and Jungkook as he and Taehyung strut out of the bathroom, not once looking back.

You and Jungkook are completely stunned into silence.

"Wow, they're really out to get us, huh?" you finally say, laughing under your breath.

"Y-yeah," Jungkook agrees quickly. "Listen, Y/N," he turns to you, the surprising sternness in his voice hinting that he was being extremely serious. "I understand you like your alone time, maybe a bit more than others. But sometimes the most dangerous, harmful and hurtful thoughts come when you're in solitude."

He's right and you know it.

"Aw, Jungkook, don't worry, I'm fine!" you say in the most lighthearted way you can. You chuckle sourly inside. No, I'm not.

"Y/N, you're not fine," Jungkook sighs. "For the longest time, I thought you weren't hanging out with us during lunch because... because you hated me or something. But now, I think there's something going on in your life that's hurting you, keeping you from being the better you."

You're speechless.

"Do you have anything to tell me?"

You do.

"I don't."

"Y/N, it's a burden to tell others every single detail of your life and problems, but it's also a burden to not say one single word about it," Jungkook says. "I don't know anything about you except that you like math... I want to know more about you, what goes on in your life, what problems you have. I want to help you."

It's then when you know you've been a mystery to Jungkook. You know a shit ton about him from your friendly talks, but you never talk about yourself. You realize you had only ever told Jimin everything that went on in your life. He was the one who could possibly know you better than Jin, himself. Jimin.

His name echoes in your head, but it feels so empty and dark.

You hadn't even known you were crying until Jungkook wordlessly wipes your tears away with the hem of his sleeve. He softly pats your back, then hesitates before he leans in to embrace you. Something about that makes you start crying. Too bad it's the ugly kind.

Jungkook seems a bit taken back at your sudden burst of tears, but he only holds you tighter, rubbing warm circles in your back. The best part about it is that he doesn't say a single word. He gives you time to cry your heart out, giving you company when you should feel so lonely.

You hiccup, leaning back from Jungkook's chest but still in the warmth of his embrace. "I'm sorry. I just... I don't... I'm so sorry," you blubber. Damn. Why the fuck—

"Unrequited love?" Jungkook asks softly.

You give him a strange look. "I guess you could say that..."

"Thought so," he mutters. "But he loves you back," he declares confidently.

Your head jerks up and you take a second before you start to laugh, the last of your tears dripping down from your chin to the ground. "How would you know?"

"You're Y/N. Everyone loves you back," Jungkook says, grinning. He dabs at your wet cheeks with his sleeve.

"And you're supposed to say that because you're my friend," you chuckle. "Trust me. It's not even 'love.' It's a little crush that I shouldn't even have had in the first place," you explain. "I'll be fine."

Jungkook smiles. "I trust that you will be." He's about to say more, but you hear the restroom door swing open as a few loud, gossipy girls come in.

You quickly tug Jungkook into the stall with you, locking the door. "Oh shit!" you whisper, grabbing at your friend's shirt.

"That was close!" Jungkook chuckles quietly. He smiles at you, and it's so contagious that you can't help but smile back.

You finally realize that you're not alone, that you shouldn't be alone. There are people willing to listen, to help you. There are people willing to break school rules and hang out in the girl's restroom with you, for goodness sake. You need to get over this 'unrequited love' and focus on the better things.

It took you a good ten minutes to escape the girl's restroom with Jungkook safely—curse high school girls who like to gossip their mouths off when they should really be flushing down their business. The two of you spent the rest of lunch casually talking as if you hadn't broken down crying not too long ago. It felt good to talk to someone. Especially since you've been so focused on shutting people out these days.

Now you're in the best mood you've been in months as you practically skip to Jin's drama classroom.

"Today's been a wonderful day!" you belt out singing as you swing open the door, twirling dramatically into the classroom. Looking up from your little happy dance, the color from your face drains as you see Jin and Jimin staring at you in shock.

Okay. I was expecting Jin. But Jimin? Really?

You're so embarrassed. All the mirth from before had officially been drained away.

Jin's the first one to break the silence as he laughs heartily. "A wonderful day? That's great, Y/N! Did Jungkook confess?" he teases.

You roll your eyes. "No!"

Your cousin wiggles your eyebrows at you as from the corner of your eye, you can see Jimin looking down at his shoes. Your heart stings at the sight.

"Yeah, um, so... Let's go home?" you awkwardly suggest, tightening your grip on your backpack.

"Oh right... About that," Jin chuckles nervously. "Jimin's taking you home today."

The light in your eyes extinguishes immediately. "He can't!" you blurt out before you can stop yourself.

Jimin looks up at your sudden outburst, your eyes meeting.

Crap. Shit. Fuck.

Jin cocks his head. "Don't worry, Y/N, he's not going to crash the car or anything," he laughs. Your eyes plead at your cousin. "Sorry, for the late notice, Y/N. I have some team meeting I have to go to. Now, behave yourself! I'll be home in a few hours. Bye!" Jin gives you and Jimin an equally goofy grin as he sashays out of his classroom, happily waving his hand as a final goodbye.

You internally groan. This was going to be so bad.

—previous | next 

—masterlist

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Fifty Five

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

March 10th, 1994

Remy sighed as the kids around him snickered as he walked past. He was pretty much used to it by now, and high school was right around the corner, he just had to hold out hope that everyone would mellow out once they got to freshman year. Until then, he’d suffer the last few months of middle school, and keep his mouth shut around Mom when she asked him how school was. No one wanted to hear about the kids calling him “Dumbo,” and she definitely wouldn’t want to hear about the meaner bullies calling him “rat face.”

Just a few more months, he reminded himself as one of the other kids tripped him up in the hallways and they laughed with their friends. A few more months and he’d be off for the summer, where he didn’t have to interact with any of his bullies. He’d be able to play video games with Toby all day, or at least until Mom made them go outside. And, if he was really lucky, maybe he’d get a little less ugly over the summer, so he couldn’t be picked on for his looks anymore.

  January 26th, 2002

It was just supposed to be a normal date night, and Remy had no idea how they had gotten this far off the beaten path. They had a little extra money this month, enough to go to a local art museum that had just opened. Emile had gotten a small sketchbook recently and Remy thought it might be nice to give him something to sketch on a Saturday night. What Remy hadn’t taken into account was that Emile had worked three night shifts in a row restocking shelves and taking classes during the day, so he was incredibly sleep deprived and now giggling like he was tipsy.

Remy was looking at one of the paintings, featuring a child chasing after a bluejay. Emile was behind him, on one of the benches, giggling like a mad man as he sketched. Emile had told Remy to stay in the same room as he was while he sketched, but Remy could be doing anything he wanted in the room. Emile just didn’t want to look up and find Remy gone. Which Remy respected. Emile was sleep deprived and he had seen the man burst into tears when he couldn’t find a cartoon he was looking for with just one more night shift in a row than what he had agreed to this week. And losing sight of Remy, for some weird reason, was more traumatic to Emile than losing his cartoons, and Remy would do just about anything to avoid Emile crying. So in this room he stayed.

As Remy moved to another painting, he ran a hand through his hair and stuck one of his hands into his pants pocket, and Emile went eerily quiet. Remy paused, turned to make sure that Emile was still there. He was, but he was staring intently at his sketchbook, like he had been staring at Remy for a second too long and wanted to avoid being caught.

Right. Remy forgot that Emile found him attractive sometimes. Remy walked over to Emile and tried to sneak a peek at Emile’s sketches but Emile snapped the book shut. “No peeking!” he said, holding the book defensively.

“All right, all right,” Remy said, “I was just wondering if you were having a good time.”

Emile nodded, covering his mouth as he yawned. “Best exhausted date ever.”

“Do you want to go home? You’ve been giggling for the past half an hour and I’m pretty sure at least two of the security guards are convinced you’re drunk.”

“Well, I finished my...fourth? Sketch, right before you moved, and I think it’s pretty good, looking it over. I haven’t drawn in a little while, so I’m a little rusty, but I like it well enough. And four sketches isn’t bad considering that I’m...”

“So punchy people are convinced you’re drunk when they take one look at you?” Remy filled in. Emile burst into a giggle fit and Remy grinned. “Oh, yeah, honey, you’re exhausted, let me take you home.”

“Careful, Rem, people might think we’re dating if you say that,” Emile teased.

“We are dating, you goofball. Up,” Remy said, helping Emile to his feet and walking out of the museum, smiling and waving at the guards who wished them a good night.

Emile was swaying where he stood as Remy fished in his pockets for the car keys. “Hey, Rem,” Emile said.

“Hey, yeah?” Remy responded, pulling out the keys and unlocking the car.

“I’m really gay for you, I hope you know that,” Emile said.

Remy laughed and got in the car, and Emile followed suit. “Yeah, I kinda had that figured when we started going out,” he said lightly.

“No. Like...” Emile frowned, staring at the book in his lap. “Like, I really love you, Rem. A lot. Way more than I’ve loved any of my other girlfriends or boyfriends. I love you. Like, to infinity and beyond.”

Despite the cartoon reference at the end of that declaration, Remy still dropped the keys in shock. “Ah,” he said leaning down and nearly banging his head against the steering wheel as he grabbed them. “I’m...I’m flattered, Emile, thank you. I don’t really know how to respond to that.”

Emile stared at his book more and frowned. “You could say you like me back?” Emile said.

Remy swallowed. “Look, Emile, I’m not going to lie. Commitment terrifies me. But...but with you, it’s less scary. Did I ever tell you what I felt the day we got back together? I can’t remember.”

Emile shook his head.

Remy laughed. “I thought...that we worked well together. And that our bond was stronger after our fight. Like it would last through future fights, or troubles, or anything like that. I thought...I thought it’s what soulmates should have felt like. And I...I still believe that. I think that’s what soulmates are like, and that’s what we are. To me, anyway. You’re my first boyfriend, so I don’t really have any other baseline to go off of, but...yeah, I love you too, Emile. To infinity and beyond.”

“Really?” Emile’s voice was small.

Remy gave Emile a soft smile and a nod. “Really, mio amore. I’m with you until the end of the line, you understand?”

“Yeah,” Emile said. “Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation, but I can’t understand why you would want to be with me.”

“Oh, no, I get that too. All the time,” Remy laughed. “You’re so impossibly out of my league. You could have any guy or girl you wanted and you wanted me? That’s like...I don’t even have the words to describe how weird that is.”

As Remy started to drive, Emile stared out his window. “I think you’re out of my league, Rem. Not in like, personality, maybe, but definitely in terms of looks.”

Remy laughed. “Why do you keep calling me attractive?” he asked.

Emile blinked at Remy, uncomprehending. “You’re...you’re kidding me, right?”

“No,” Remy said, looking over. “I genuinely don’t understand why you find me attractive.”

“Has...has no one seriously told you that you’re gorgeous? ‘Cause you are.”

Remy laughed. “Please. The kids at school never hesitated to mock me about my appearance, and my mother always said that I couldn’t fault them for it, because I dressed like a weirdo. I say I’m drop-dead gorgeous as a joke, Emile.”

“Well that’s just not right,” Emile said, frowning deeply. “You’re beautiful, Rem. You deserve to know.”

“Gee, what every guy loves to hear,” Remy said sarcastically.

“Beautiful is used for men, too, get off your high horse,” Emile said, rolling his eyes. “I won’t use it again if you don’t want me to, but seriously. I’m trying to compliment you.”

Remy couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, okay, funny joke, Emile, you can stop now. I know you find me attractive, but you don’t have to play it up like that.”

They pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex and Emile grabbed Remy’s arm before Remy could leave the car. “Rem. I’m not playing it up.”

Remy looked Emile over. Everything from the set of his jaw to the look in his eyes told Remy he was serious. Remy blinked. “Okay, maybe you find me beautiful. Doesn’t mean anyone else will.”

“You do realize how many girls have flirted with you, over the past two years alone because they want to get a piece of you?” Emile asked. “Remy, you’re easily a nine. I would say a ten, in all honesty, but I want you to believe me when I say this. You’re easily a nine. I’m a six. Maybe a seven if I wear those jeans you like.”

Remy blinked uncomprehendingly at Emile.

Emile sighed. “Right. Inside. We can talk more once we’re inside. And I’ll prove to you that you’re attractive.”

“I doubt you’d be able to prove something that subjective,” Remy said, shaking his head, but getting out of the car and following Emile inside all the same.

After a moment of silence, Emile seemed to decide what he was going to say. “Listen, blondie,” Emile said, turning to look at Remy from where he was opening their front door. “I don’t even have a thing for blonds and yet here you are, a solid ten who’s willing to stay with a six like me.”

“You’re not a six,” Remy scoffed. Emile walked into their apartment and Remy followed, closing the door with his body as he slumped against it. “Okay. I’ve got platinum blond hair and blue eyes, both of which I suppose are attractive in most people’s books. What else could I possibly have going for me?”

Silently, Emile walked over to Remy and opened the sketchbook he had been drawing in on their date. Remy blinked. On the first two pages Emile was showing him, there were two drawings of the same guy. In the first one, he was laughing, using a hand to cover most of the smile but you could tell by his eyes that he was happy. In the second, it was a full-body shot, and the guy didn’t look ripped, but he definitely wasn’t a beanpole either. In this one he looked thoughtful, staring at something that Emile hadn’t drawn on the page. “I don’t remember any paintings like this in the museum,” Remy said, frowning.

“Well, duh, Rem. They’re drawings of you. I spent most of the time drawing you and your reactions to things. The paintings were nice but I wanted to draw the prettiest thing in each room. That pretty thing just happened to be my date.”

“But? I don’t? Look like that?” Remy asked, confused. “That guy is actually cute. I’m...not.”

“Look, Rem, my artistic skills are not the best, but I spent, like, half an hour on the second drawing alone. I captured your likeness pretty well,” Emile said, starting to grow defensive. “Don’t trash-talk my boyfriend.”

Remy looked at the drawings closer. He could see some resemblance in the eyes and the nose, he guessed, and the mouth was similar too, but... “Where’s the acne? The too-big ears? The nose is supposed to look more like a rodent’s. The eyes are supposed to look...more predatory. That’s not what I look like!”

Emile closed the book and put it on the side table, grabbing Remy’s face in both his hands and pressing their foreheads together. “Remy, none of those things are a part of you. Like, the closest thing might be the acne, and you barely have any at all. Your ears are normal sized. No part of you should be compared to an animal. And your eyes are never predatory. They hold happiness, and sometimes pain, and sometimes there’s a fire that could never be put out by mortals. But never do they hold any ill-intent. Ever. Understand?”

“No,” Remy said. “I don’t understand. How could I...could I look like that guy you drew? I’m just...me.”

“Remy, there is nothing just about you,” Emile said, taking a step back and grabbing the book. “You look absolutely stunning, and anyone who ever said otherwise either needs to get their eyes or their jealousy checked. Possibly both. Puberty was brutal to go through, but you came out the other end looking like the hero in an action movie who women throw themselves at. If there was anyone who isn’t cute in this relationship, it would be me. And I have just enough self-confidence left to say that while I might have a little baby fat on me, I am by no means unattractive, nor does that take away from my attractiveness, really.”

“You’re not ugly, Emile, you’re soft and cuddly,” Remy said, crossing his arms.

“Just like you aren’t ugly,” Emile said. “But clearly, this is going to be an argument that could go on for a little while. I’m going to spare us some heated moments and get some sleep before we continue this conversation. Besides, you probably don’t want me to show you the drawings of how I imagine seeing you naked just yet, if you’re so convinced of your stance.”

Emile walked away but Remy just stared after him. “I’m sorry, did you just admit that you drew me naked?!”

“Why do you think I was laughing so much at the last exhibit?” Emile asked over his shoulder, before closing his bedroom door to leave Remy completely stunned at the front door.

“I’m going to need an answer to that, Emile!” Remy called. Getting no response, he grumbled and went to his own room for the night.

[renlimotroll]

Darling, my dreams came true

⚠️ Warning: BL/ Personification/ Imagination/ Out of Character/ Cursing ⚠️

Please do not read if you are uncomfortable with boyxboy.

A/N: I wrote this during ungodly hours, so there might be grammar errors. I’m so stressed with work and this happened. This story was born as I was talking to my friends about my MinSiru imagines and listening to Aimer. Also, this is just my imagination, so please don’t take it seriously.

Enjoy! 🤖🐶

Love, Ren 🌻

Summary: When he’s sleep-deprived, Siruko gets weirdly affectionate, especially towards a certain green head. Everyone knows what’s going on, but of course, Siruko is the last to know about his actions and feelings.

Pairing: 🤖🐶

AU where Bintroll are still youtubers but they live in the same house.

(Story continues below)

It was a great day. The sun was shining warmly outside, and Siruko feels well-rested and refreshed. He stretches then gets up, deciding to check his notifications later and get brunch first. He can smell coffee and something delicious coming from the kitchen. With his luck, Mintosu could be cooking curry and wouldn’t that be the best brunch ever.

He doesn’t know why he felt disappointed that it was Ichihachi cooking, but Ichihachi-kun’s pancakes smells and looks really good so he grabs a plate and forks a piece. Siruko wasn’t aware of the knowing eyes that were watching him carefully as he prepares his coffee. Since Siruko seems to be not fully awake yet without coffee, he didn’t notice how Ichihachi, Quartet, Jiraichan and Hakotaro were side-eyeing each other in a silent communication.

After he had at least drank half of his cup and felt more alert, the purplehead finally noticed the weird atmosphere at the dining table. “What?” He asked. Jiraichan was smirking, Quartet was making weird faces, Ichihachi was looking at everywhere but him, and Hakotaro look so done already even though Siruko doesn’t know for the life of him what he has done to earn that exasperated look on his younger brother. It’s way too early for this. “What?? Shouldn’t I be receiving morning greetings instead of… whatever this is??”

“Well, you certainly have a good morning, don’t you?” Jiraichan raised his eyebrows teasingly.

“Chotto, Jiraisan,” Ichihachi warned.

Siruko was bewildered. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing, Siruko-san! Good morning!” Quartet quipped a little too brightly.

Siruko glared at them suspiciously. “Good.. morning.”

“Oh for goodness’ sake!” Hakotaro shook his head and rolled his eyes heavenward. “Niisan, your shirt!”

“Aww there goes our fun.” 🐻

“Way to go Hakotaro.” 🐰

“I wanted to wait and see if Siruko-chan notices it himself.” 🐱

Siruko blinked and followed his younger brother’s words to see.. he was wearing something green. Very green. Something that suspiciously does not belong to him and very particularly belongs to someone else. His face turns bright red like a tomato.

“I-it’s not… I-I’m not… W-we’re not…!” If he could spontaneously combust like a DbD generator with a missed skill check right now, he would. Siruko instantly knew what his friends were thinking and they were wrong!!!… or were they? He’d know if something happened, right? As far as he knows he didn’t really go drinking. He was editing videos and… he does remember Minben-san not letting him drink any more Red Bull, but that was it. He did feel dizzy and queasy yesterday with his migraine, but he didn’t throw up on anyone, right? What the hell happened last night??

Hakotaro rolled his eyes so hard for the second time already even though it’s still early. His older brother was so hopelessly trying to solve what happened that he can practically see equations and formulas appearing from thin air. “Save it Niisan. We all know that–”

“Aaaaah--!” 🐻

“Hakotaro–” 🐰

“Stop–!” 🐱

“When you’re extremely tired, you go to Mintosu-senpai and do… I don’t know what to call that… skinship??” For once, the usually sure-of-himself Hakotaro was at loss for words. “You’re just so affectionate it’s so out-of-character, and you literally have to have some body part of yours touching him! You slump on his back, on his shoulder, on his lap, which, by the way, stopped being funny after the fifth time and just started to become so gross now.”

“F-fifth time??” Siruko definitely did not squeak with a high tone.

Ichihachi cleared his throat. “We stopped counting after the tenth time. And Minben-san always carries you to bed when that happens. He makes a show of complaining about it, but he drops everything he’s doing just to come to your aid.“

“T-t-that..’s n-n-not.. I- uh.. I..”

Jiraichan made sympathetic noises. “If it helps, we’re actually wondering why you can control yourself better when you’re drunk. It only happens when you’re really, really exhausted, like when you’ve stayed up for more than 30 hours.”

“I– what?? S-skinship??”

“You almost punched Quartet-san once because he was trying to make you go to bed and he tried to, and I quote your words, ‘separate Minben-san and I apart!’ ” Ichihachi supplied unhelpfully.

“I– what??” Siruko.exe stopped working and can only ask one-word questions now. It took him a few seconds to process this, and another few to actually believe it. Why are they telling him these... lies?! This can’t be true, right? And why is he only finding out about this now?! Siruko is really starting to re-think considering them his friends, because they’re enjoying this way too much, and they are set on ruining his otherwise perfect morning.

“There goes the bet.” Quartet said nonchalantly, as if talking about the weather.

“BET?? WHAT BET??” Nope, Siruko did not screech. That was a manly scream.

“We guessed you didn’t know you were doing it and we’re right.” Jiraichan explained with a smug smile. “We kinda have a betting pool as to when you’ll realize. Until your dear brother..”

“I’m just sick and tired of this, okay? It’s been a year!” Hakotaro threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “Niisan, if you like Minben-san so much then just go confess to him!”

‘W-WHAT??! I-I DON’T–“

“Everybody knows, Siruko-san.” Jiraichan informed him mercilessly, like the psycopath he is. “Us, Hanae-san and the others, even the old lady in the market selling fruits. Everyone.” He put his finger to his lips and looked thoughtful. “Except Minben-san.”

“I–what?” Siruko stammered for the third time.

Hakotaro took pity on his brother, who was doing a perfectly good impression of a Magikarp. “We’re just saying, Niisan, this madness has to stop. You turn into a cuddle monster around Minben-san when you’re exhausted, and the poor man gets a heart attack every time you do. It’s driving all of us crazy, so if you really love your otouto, you’ll get over yourself and confess. Or so help me, I’ll find a locker where I can push the both of you in so you can talk about your feelings!”

“I don’t really do that, do I?” Siruko bit his lip worriedly. He went to the house of the one person in this world who wouldn’t betray him, hoping to get some clarity and possibly some remedy for this whole mess.

“Well…” Gzira look pained to admit it. “Remember when I had to stay overnight last week to help you with Hanachan’s video?”

“Yeah?” Siruko bit his nails nervously.

“You were so tired you were mumbling the theme song of Doraemon.”

“So?? That’s not weird, you know?”

There was an awkward pause, before Gzira resumed. “Backwards… you sang it backwards. It was kinda impressive.” Siruko whined like a child upon hearing that. He’s so close to having a mental breakdown. Why didn’t anyone tell him this? Friends, his ass.

“I was honestly worried and I kept telling you to take a rest, and when I woke up the next day I found out you were still awake. I had no idea what to do, you were so stubborn! So I called Hakotaro over. He said, ‘There’s only one solution to this’ then walked out. When he came back, he brought Minben-san with him.”

“Oh no,” Siruko groaned in despair, feeling his whole face and neck burn with humiliation.

“Yeah. Want me to go on?”

“Ugh.”

“You smiled at him so tenderly and hugged him.”

“No. Stop.” Siruko buried his face in his hands.

“And you called him ‘cuddliest robot ever’. And you practically climbed all over him like a koala. It was so weird I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. Like I wasn’t in the right dimension.”

“Mou, Gzira-kun!” Siruko screamed into his hands. So much for the peace of mind he was hoping for.

“Then he carried you to your bedroom. I don’t know what was weirder, you reverse piggybacking him like a beetle on a tree, or Minben-san actually letting you do that.”

Siruko sulked. No way this happened. Although, there was something he was curious about. “What.. what did he…“ he asked, knowing that Gzira would get his message.

“Okay, don’t freak out, but he did look fond. Like, he liked carrying you to bed. I don’t even think he noticed Hakotaro and I standing awkwardly at the side because he was just looking after you. He even patted your hair. He practically melted when you started nosing his neck.. eww by the way.” Gzira made a face, remembering the scene which seemed so domestic.

“Umm…” Siruko could not believe what he was hearing. He… he did that? And Minben-san… did that?

Gzira continued. “Weirdest experience ever. Hakotaro said it was a regular thing. I got surprised when he said that the only person who could convince you to go to bed when you’re past the 30-hour mark was Minben-san. He even included me on the betting pool.”

“I hate you.” Siruko crossed his arm grumpily.

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t.” He sighed in defeat.

“Look, why don’t you just tell him how you feel? It’s been a year, don’t you think you’ve been harboring these feelings for a long time?”

Siruko can’t even begin to imagine the horror. “No way! Minben-san… he’d never like me that way!”

“Why not?” Gzira challenged.

“You know! I’m just a regular guy! I’m not even good at anything! There’s no reason for him to like me!”

“Siruko-san…” Gzira scolded his friend tenderly. “Stop belittling yourself! You’re the smartest, kindest person I know–okay, well maybe Sensei is that too–but you’re a pretty neat person! Anyone would be lucky to have you!”

“You’re just saying that coz you’re my friend.” The purplehead pursed his lower lip out.

“No, I’m saying it because it’s true. And as your friend, I want you to stop overthinking things and just, just try to tell him what you feel, okay?”

“What… what if he rejects me?” Siruko whispered sadly.

Gzira sighed internally. He loves his friends, but sometimes they’re just… too dense. He just wished this pining would stop so they can all be happy. “You guys are so perfect for each other, you’re both oblivious idiots. Just trust me on this. Minben-san’s got it just as bad for you as you for him.”

Siruko wished he could believe him, but he just can’t. Dreams are just that… dreams. Like fairy tales are fairy tales. There’s no way that Mintosu would fall for him, and even though that thought hurts, it’s the reality. Mintosu liking him was just… a fantasy after all.

Yes, everybody was wrong. Siruko grumpily mashed his keyboard, trying to clear the level on the game he was playing and failing miserably. His character kept on dying, and it’s frustrating. Once his character got stuck somewhere between two walls, he decided to give up and shut down his computer. He stared at the black screen reflecting himself.

There’s no way Minben-san would like him. Look at him. There are big dark circles under his eyes, his hair was always messy, and he’s thin as a tooth pick. He doesn’t go out of his room that much, he’s not even that good in games, and the only thing he’s good at is maybe memory games. That’s so lame, right? Unlike Mintosu’s friend, what was his name again? Akoroshi. Now that is a talented guy. Knows English, good at singing, really good at games. It’s just impossible. That’s why he never confessed. He couldn’t even begin to compare with that guy. And what if Mintosu rejects him? Then the friendship he tried so hard to treasure will be gone, it will be awkward as hell since they are all practically homesharing, and maybe he’ll lose the only connection he has with Mintosu. So no way. He’d never confess.

It was a bit hard to avoid Mintosu because you know, housesharing, but Siruko feels like he’d done a pretty good job. He thinks he’s done really well in monitoring if he’s reaching 30 hours of no sleep or managing his exhaustion levels so that no embarrassing thing could ever happen again. He had to vigilantly avoid doing things that was second nature before, like falling asleep on Minben-san’s shoulder during movie night or hitting each other’s knees while playing Mario Kart, because they were just friends! Only friends! It was probably awkward for Minben-san to help not carry him to bed, and maybe the guy was doing it out of some friendly obligation or guilt, and Siruko never wants to put anyone in a situation like that where one forces his friends to do something for him. He keeps his distance now, toning down his actions to just behind the friendship lines, and plasters a smile on his face while pretending he doesn’t see the confused, slightly hurt looks Mintosu was showing as he avoids him.

It was almost successful and he could probably live like this for the rest of his life (hiding his pain) until his so-called beloved friends, his family even, corners him in the kitchen, the place where it all started. Siruko should seriously consider finding his own place to live.

“You’re being very ridiculous right now Siruko-san, and I don’t have much patience for ridiculousness.” Jiraichan says in a tone that means he’s about to pull out knives from his jacket. Very pointy knives that he likes using. “It’s bad enough the bet was cancelled. That was the only thing keeping me from locking you two in a vault and welding the bolt shut so you two can finally make out.” Siruko flushed red when the images came to mind, but shook his head. It was just a stupid fantasy, it didn’t make his heart clench painfully at all. Nope.

Quartetchi followed up immediately. “Sorry Siruko-san. It was fun when there was a bet in place, but now it’s just annoying. You two are the biggest pair of dense idiots in the world.”

“Look Niisan, before, you and Minben-san just irritated me when you both flirted with–”

“We do not–!!” The older brother interrupted indignantly.

“Yes you do!” Hakotaro almost raised his tone in frustration. “You bicker like an old married couple, and as much as it irritated me to see my Niisan and my senpai flirting but not even knowing they do, now it feels like whatever sanity I still had has just gone and you both are being so… so… gaaah!”

“What Hakotaro means to say is,” Ichihachi tried in a gentle tone, “you guys are playing the biggest game of chicken in the world. It was fun when we could tease you both about it and make money out of your hopeless romantic-ness, but now that we can’t, we need you to get your heads out of your asses and do something about it or we will.” He threatened calmly.

“I don’t know what you guys are talking about!” Siruko raised his arms wildly in desperation, his voice breaking. Why can’t his friends just leave him and his misery alone? “Minben-san and I are just friends! What do you want me to do?!?!”

“Oh my god Siruko-san!” Quartetchi complained. “If I didn’t love you as a friend I’d bash your head in that marble sink! How can you be this dense? Aniki’s been walking around with this sour, grumpy face like someone set his PC on fire, and you’re acting like a hurt puppy! A hurt, cruelly-kicked puppy! This has to stop!”

“Mintosu-san LIKES you, Niisan!” Hakotaro emphasized on the like. “How could you miss that? How do you not see--”

“He doesn’t!” Siruko crossed his arms stubbornly. “He’d never! Why would he–”

“If you finish that self-depreciating sentence, I will take out my mines and let you explode right there!” Jiraichan narrowed his eyes. Siruko gulped.

“Okay, that’s it! I’m done. Guys help me.” Quartet suddenly hauled Siruko’s arms up, and Ichihachi grabbed both his feet and lifted it up. The Bintroll leader yelped in surprise and tried to struggle, but Jiraichan and Hakotaro glared at him with that ‘If looks can kill’ face, and he can’t really do anything, not unless he wants to drop like a sack of potatoes to the floor painfully. Jeez, the grips of these two are so tight!

They dragged him upstairs to Mintosu’s room, where he was streaming APEX. Jiraichan opened the door with a bang so loud Mintosu jumped from his seat and hit his knee on the table. Hakotaro grimaced internally, that looked painful. Mintosu let out a string of profanities that shocked his viewers.

“What the fuck’s goin on??!”

The viewers were all alarmed and the comments flew so fast in the chat stream, all wondering what happened to their favorite green robot gamer. Bloodhound died, and Mintosu had to return to the main screen. Suddenly, a purple blob was dumped into his lap and a scream of pain was heard. Mintosu winced and turned off the mic.

“What the fuck guys?! I told you not to come in when I’m–” oh. Siruko-san. Siruko-san was on his lap, grimacing in pain at being dumped unceremoniously. Mintosu’s brain short-circuited and he could only blink.

“Minben-san, my Niisan likes you. A lot. And we know you like him too. I know you think you’re being subtle when you think Niisan’s not watching, but we’re not idiots like him. We know. Everyone does.”

“I- what…” Mintosu unknowingly echoed Siruko’s words from before.

“Just kiss already you idiots!!” Jiraichan yelled with his high-pitched voice. For all his size, he’s really scary when he’s angry. “C'mon guys, let’s go!” The pink fairy stomped angrily and headed out, while the others followed suit. At least Quartet and Ichihachi had the decency to apologize. Siruko thinks he needs to find new friends, they’re so rude!

Before Hakotaro closed the door, he glared daggers at Mintosu, “Look, I can’t say I like the idea of you making out with Niisan, but you make him happy, so please keep doing so. If you ever hurt my Niisan, I know Limone-sensei and everybody else will help me bury your body where no one can find it.” Mintosu nodded, believing the younger one will totally do that. Siruko flushed red upon hearing his brother’s shovel talk.

"I’m really happy if you guys finally get together, but please remember to get your hands off of each other and keep the PDA to a minimum, at least when I’m around.” And with that, the blonde closed the door. The silence that followed was really uncomfortable, and Siruko prays, Ground, swallow me up!!, wondering if it was possible to die out of humiliation.

“So… umm…” Min-san sees the flow of comments asking where he is out of his peripheral view, but he couldn’t care less, not when the person he’s been crushing on for a long time is blushing so hard on his lap right now, and he looks really adorable. Mintosu had wanted this. For so long. If this is a prank, he’s going to kill those guys. But he wants to believe that maybe, just maybe, he has a chance.

Siruko stubbornly refuses to look at him out of embarrassment, and Mintosu just rolls his eyes, even though he’s flustered too. Whatever, he thinks, because he’s never going to let Siruko go after hearing that. He rearranges him in a more comfortable position and mutters, “Okay, before I start the stream again, I’m gonna get this out. I like you, so fucking much, so after this we’ll talk and maybe get some food. Now, stay still and stay quiet.” Mintosu shakes his head to rid of his jitters, places his fingers on the keyboard and mouse, and turns his mic on. “Sorry bout that minnasan, there was a little bit of a commotion, just the bintroll guys messing around, but everything’s fine now. Really fine!! In fact, I’m feeling so good today, I might even get diamond today! Watch out! Hahahaha!” And the fight is on.

Once or twice, Siruko tries to wriggle his way out, but frankly Mintosu feels very warm around him, and being encased around his arms just makes him feel all sorts of giddy and calm at the same time. Mintosu just growls softly when Siruko tries to move so he gives up and watches his.. wait–are they boyfriends now?– maneuver Bloodhound perfectly and get a few kills. This is so embarrassing but at the same time, it’s all he ever wanted. He’s so happy he could just burst. Part of him wonders if he’s dreaming, but that dump was really painful so this must be real. Mintosu rests his chin on his shoulder, and any disbelief of reality he has disappears quickly, because that weight on his shoulder can’t be fake. Soon Siruko feels very sleepy and warm, and even though his heart still feels like it will burst out of his chest, maybe, just maybe, he can start to believe that Mintosu actually likes him back. Mintosu is actually warm and surprisingly comfortable even though he’s talking gibberish and laughing loudly in his ear, and Siruko starts to nod off against the gamer’s chest a few times. He doesn’t understand why he feels sleepy, but he can just always blame Minben-san later.

He blinks blearily when Minben-san carefully slots him into his bed, and the green guy turns off the lights and covers them with his blankets. It smells like detergent and Mintosu and home, and this isn’t the situation he had always imagined being on Minben-san’s bed, but it’s not that bad especially when Minben-san pulls him in and drapes his arms over him for a cuddle. Minben-san without his glasses always makes the butterflies in his stomach flutter, especially now that they’re so close he can practically feel Minben-san’s warm breath and heart beating loudly in his chest. The thought that Mintosu also feels whatever he is feeling is strange but comforting.

“Minben-san,” he whispers, so as to not disturb the electric peace in the atmosphere of the room, “they said we’re idiots.”

Mintosu chuckles and Siruko really likes it when he does that. “Maybe we are. Is that why Sensei keeps telling us that?”

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s because we’re idiots in another sense.”

“Tashikani.”

“So… you’re not into… Akoroshi-san?”

“What? No way! Yuck! I’ve never been interested in him that way! He’s just my best friend, that’s all.” Mintosu pauses. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“Mmmmmm, maybe...?” Siruko sheepishly mumbles.

“Idiot.” He flicks Siruko’s forehead, resulting into the purplehead pouting cutely. Mintosu thinks he wants to kiss him, but he’s also content with this right now. “It’s you I like. A lot.”

“Why?” Siruko sounded so unsure and lost. Mintosu hates that. He knows that the purplehead tends to be insecure sometimes, which is absolutely absurd. If he could only see that everyone loves him, he would never second-guess himself.

“I just do. Honestly, why wouldn’t anyone? You’re amazing and everything. If anything, I thought you wouldn’t like me.”

Siruko starts to chuckle and Mintosu joins him. “Okay, maybe we really are idiots.”

“Right.”

“And for your information, I like you too. A lot. Actually, maybe I love you.”

Mintosu snorts. “Okay, then ‘maybe’ I love you too.“ Siruko smiles sleepily at that, and Mintosu’s heart skips a beat or two. “You know, you actually told me these a few times before, but I thought you were just being delirious or maybe hallucinating. You’re an idiot who really needs to sleep more.”

“As if you do! You’re just as bad as me, maybe even more!” Siruko wrinkles his nose angrily, and Mintosu thinks cute. “But.. really? I said that? That’s… embarrassing! Why didn’t you say something?”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna take anything your sleep-deprived brain says seriously. Once, you talked about giant ducks and how they’d take over the world one day. You mumble so many weird things, you idiot.”

That… was definitely weird. He can’t really blame his friends for staying away from crazy, sleepy him.

“Plus, well, maybe I like sleepy, idiotic Siruko-san.”

Pink dusted his cheeks. He can’t believe that Minben-san really put up with all of that craziness, but it did lead to this now, and Siruko decides to just stop doubting everything and take whatever happiness he can get. “Whatever. Sleepy Siruko likes you too, so shut up.”

Mintosu huffs, but his fingers run through his purple hair, and that feels really good. Siruko really wants to savour this moment, but his eyes are getting droopy and he doesn’t think he can keep them open.

“Sleep.” Mintosu orders softly.

“Hmmm…” Siruko answers sleepily. “Good night Minben-san.”

Well, what do you know, dreams do come true after all.

It was a great day. The sun was shining warmly outside, and Siruko feels well-rested and refreshed. Mintosu was cooking curry while he was preparing the coffee pot. Nothing really changed after last night, they still bicker a lot and tease each other to death, but this time, there are more leaning-to-each-other and maybe more skinship between them. It was a good morning. The four other Bintroll members were watching the strange love-hate interaction with fond but exasperated eyes.

“Anyone wanna have a bet? I’m betting six months before their first kiss.” 🐻

“C'mon, give them a little credit.” 🐰

“They wouldn’t have made it if Hakotaro didn’t interfere.” 🐱

“Yeah, and I would have won the bet.” 🐻

“No, you wouldn’t!!” 🐰

“Hmm… my bet is a week.” 🐱

“Uh, no way Ichihachi! It took them a year to tell each other that they like each other–actually no, without our help, it would have taken more than a decade! You really think they would kiss in a week?” 🐰

“Yeah! Just place your own bet!” 🐱

“But–” 🐰

Hakotaro drowned them out. Sometimes it’s really tough being the only sane member of this household, but this is family, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s happy as long as everyone is happy, even though everyone is an idiot.

“Finally.” He sighs to himself, seeing his brother and his senpai smiling, and moves to break up the ongoing fight between a kiss that’s really not their business.

It was just a normal brunch in the Bintroll household, but everyone is laughing, and this is happiness. Siruko really appreciates this second family he has, and if he moves to hold Minben-san’s hand under the table, well, sue his boldness.

“Ne~ aishiteru~” he says in his heart.

[A/N: I hope you guys like it! It’s been a year since I last wrote a story and my skills are a bit rusty haha. Also, it’s my first time posting a story on tumblr! It was fun coding but also so frustrating! My good friend cm made the pic! Thanks cm! Visit me on Twitter! Anyway, have a nice day! Panyanyanda!]

🌻

Owari~

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

Smut prompts. 26 & 8. Lay it on me. No point in putting a member we both know who you'll write.

WEIRD HOW YOU DIDN’T SPECIFY ANY OTHER BIAS EVEN THOUGH YOU TOTALLY COULD HAVE ALMOST AS IF…YOU’RE A CLOWN 

i have been literally dying to use this gif thank God

@illneverrecover I love you hope this isn’t trash I’m v sleep deprived due to a sick baby boy 

8 (“i seriously don’t think i’ve ever been this hard before, in my life.”) and 26 (“you’re so needy when you’re drunk… it’s cute.”) for baekhyun 

Warnings: phew ok, dirty talk, semipublic vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (condoms are friends kids), counter sex, this gets kinda soft too bc it’s my otp, Baekhyun being the little teasing shit we all know he is

Word Count: 1739 (Drabble my ass i have a lot of feelings about Jaekhyun okay)

You haven’t talked to your on again off again Baekhyun, in two days, and you can’t even remember why you’re leaving him on read, why you’re so mad every time you think of his name or his face or his stupid smile, the one that made your heart jump a little bit every time he gave it to you.

“I’m taking someone else home tonight.”

You’re throwing back a shot of vodka your best friend,  and you don’t like the way she smirks at you.

“You’re just gonna get drunk and call Baekhyun,” she says, and you frown.

“Watch me,” you say, and you head into the club.

After another couple of shots you end up flirting with a handsome man at a barstool and after a third, you’re sitting at a table with your legs up in his lap, one of his forearms draped over your thighs, and smiling at him.

That’s when the bottom of your chair is yanked sharply to the right and you squeal in surprise, feet sliding out of your new friend’s lap and onto the floor with a loud thud.

Before he even speaks you can swear you feel him, know it’s his mouth up against your ear, his arm sliding around your waist.

“Where you been, Jagi?”

“Having fun,” you snap back, before you even twist to look at him, your heart pounding, but he tightens his forearm around your waist, chin tucked onto your shoulder so that you can’t move.

It’s shadowy where he is, what’s he doing just fucking lurking there, waiting for you, watching you?

You open your mouth to ask him just that and he puts his mouth to your shoulder, sticks his tongue out to taste your skin and it comes out in a half moan instead.

“Without me?” His voice is quiet, words almost slow, and you wonder how much he’s had to drink before he got here.

“Yeah, I’m talking to my new friend. See him, over there?” You nod your head toward him, he’s just kind of sitting there, shellshocked, and you almost want to laugh.

You feel his breath huff out against your skin, a quick exhale out of his nostrils.

“He looks a little lost. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, Jagi, come on. You can do better than that, yeah?”

“What, like you?”

He nods, chin still tucked on your shoulder, and you wiggle in his grasp but he just keeps his forearm tight over your waist, just below your breasts, and to be honest you don’t fight that hard, almost lean back against his chest.

“Bet he doesn’t even know how to get you off. You think I should show him?”

He keeps one arm tight around you and walks the fingers of his other hand up your thigh, grabbing at the soft flesh of your inner thigh, beneath your skirt, and when he finds you bare, no panties, he inhales sharply.

“You came out like this? You must have been hoping I’d show up, yeah?”

You snort. “Wasn’t thinking of you at all.”

Goosebumps are popping up all over your thighs, your heart pounding, your stupid traitorous heart contradicting everything your brain wanted you to say.

He doesn’t speak again for a moment, but slides his fingers across your clit, just once, making you gasp.

“Think I should show him? Fuck you right here in front of him and everyone, show him how it’s done?”

“Stop it,” you say, meaning to hiss it but it comes out in a soft moan. “Take me home.”

You don’t even turn your head but you swear you can hear the smirk in his voice. “You’re so needy when you’re drunk…it’s cute.”

As soon as the Uber door closes, you’re regretting it, heart pounding when he puts his hand on your thigh, just where it was in the club and then he’s kissing your throat and you can’t think anymore.

He’s grabbing at your ass when you get to the hallway and you’re laughing at the doorway and turning to kiss him and instead of kissing you hard and deep like you expect, he brushes his nose against yours, once, twice, smiling at you, and why does that make your chest ache?

Why does everything about him hurt you?

He’s tugging up your skirt as he closes the door behind you, and you don’t make it out of the kitchen, he hefts you up by your ass and thighs to the counter, sucking marks across your cleavage, mouth feeling like a brand across your skin.

He tears down your top with one hand, mouth searching, while the other one is up your skirt, and he slides two fingers inside you without warning, raking his teeth across your nipple.

You cry out and buck your hips. “Take me to the bedroom,” you command, and he lifts his head to look at you, smirking a bit.

“Already? I missed you, Jagi. Want to take my time,” he says, and removes his fingers, making you whine.

He’s staring into your eyes when he pops them into his mouth, sucking slow, a low groan ripping from his throat. 

“Missed the way you taste.”

You’re trembling, and you don’t know if it’s from lust or rage because part of you hates him for this, for making you this vulnerable, this weak.

“Taste me, then,” you say, not breaking eye contact, and that’s when he finally kisses you, hungry and hard, catching your bottom lip between his teeth but then kissing you deep again, one hand in your hair to push you to him, as if he can’t get enough.

You’re clawing at his shirt, popping buttons off and you don’t give a fuck if it’s expensive and it probably is, feeling like silk under your hands, and you get it off and you’re raking your nails across his chest and he’s moaning into your mouth and suddenly, carrying you to the bedroom, your thighs around his waist, his hands firmly on your ass.

He all but throws you on the bed, but you don’t give him time to climb on top of you, you’re up, nails scrabbling at the button of his jeans and he takes a deep breath and puts his hands over yours, a strangled chuckle coming from the back of his throat.

You look up at him, give him your best seductive eyes. “What’s wrong, baby? Don’t you want me?”

That strangled chuckle turns into a groan and he rubs a hand across his face.

“Fuck. I seriously don’t think I’ve ever been this hard before, in my life. Of course I want you. I always want you.” He almost mutters that last part, voice low, and your whole body is vibrating, skin on fire.

But he still keeps his hands over yours, even when you pout up at him.

“Gotta tell me you want me, too, Jagi,” he says, planting kisses on your inner thighs before crawling up on his knees on the bed, and you let out a whining moan.

“You know I do.” You say, eyes on his and you’re breathing hard, almost angry.

“Need you to say it, baby. Please?” He’s got one hand on your thigh again, kneading the flesh there, keeping his eyes on yours, his own big and dark.

“I want you. I want you, Baek, please,” you finally burst out, arching your back, doing your best to display your body but he only darts a quick glance down to your breasts before he’s towering over you, finally, finally shoving down his jeans and underwear to slide inside you, and you’re so slippery wet by this point that he glides right in.

The way he’s looking at you, you’d think he’d fuck you slow and deep, but he’s just full of surprises tonight, and fucking you so hard your head is tapping the headboard.

The sounds he’s making has heat coiling in your lower stomach, and you grab ahold of the back of his thighs, rocking your hips into his, off the bed, meeting him with every stroke, breathing out his name over and over.

“Fuck. Fuck. Missed this so much, Y/n,” and he so rarely says your name that you squeak a little as he slams into you, still looking down into your eyes.

You start to squeeze them shut as you approach your orgasm but he grabs your chin in his hand.

“Hey. Don’t, yeah? Be here with me? Please?” It’s such a question, something pleading in his voice, such a contradiction to how hard he’s fucking you, how his breath is getting short.

Your eyes pop open and you force yourself to look at him, heart pounding, and when you come it feels like you might explode, crying out curses and leaning up to dig your nails into his shoulderblades, pulling him down to kiss you.

He cries out your name into your mouth when he comes and then brushes his nose against yours again, once, twice.

Stop it, you want to say. Stop it, you don’t mean it, you’ll get angry with me tomorrow and take it all back, all this soft, all these moments that I want to keep with me.

In the end, you just smile, let him pull you into his arms after, and when the day breaks, you feel like you’ve barely slept.

He’s got his face buried in your neck, snoring gently, and you carefully move his arm off your waist and sit up in bed before suddenly he jerks awake, sits up and locks his forearm around your waist again, just as he did the night before.

“Y’n,” he says, voice almost gravelly with hangover and sleep, “you’ll stay, yeah?”

He’s asking but it isn’t as if you have a choice, with his arm locked around you and the way he’s tugging you back into bed, making these little whining noises in the back of his throat when you turn your back to him.

You roll over, rolling your eyes a bit, but you’re smiling when he touches his forehead to yours, breathes deep like he’s breathing you in, brushes his nose against yours again. Once. Twice.

“You’ll stay, yeah?” He asks, again, voice low and soft.

You don’t know what he’s asking you, don’t know if he means this morning or for a while or forever, but it doesn’t really matter, does it?

“Yeah, Baek. I’ll stay.”

[detectivejigsawpines]

Abyss-finale (Raise a glass to freedom)

...I have never been drunk in my life. Because I don't drink. Therefore my knowledge of how to be drunk is very limited, and mostly based on the idea that it's similar to being very, very sleep-deprived (which I have been on probably far more occasions than is healthy for me). My suspicion is that if I did drink, I would be either a very giggly drunk, or a very angry drunk.

Reading the chapter to the end will clarify why this is valid.

“You what?!”

Shermie and Ford both stared at Stan, aghast, as he continued to scramble eggs after telling them how he’d essentially bought himself from their father.

Stan grinned.  “You shoulda seen the look on his face-it was even better than the time when we went to that restaurant with the triple-decker steak.”

Shermie snorted, hard.  “Oh wow...I always knew you were crazy, Stanley, but this-this exceeded even my expectations.”

He did a little theatrical bow, twirling the spatula between his fingers.  “That’s what I do best.”

When their mother came down, however, some of his ebullience-a lot of it, in fact-dissipated at the look on her face.

Ford’s stomach twisted in a hard knot, because even he could see that level of heartbreak.

Stan winced, and turned off the burner.  “...Hey, Mom.”

Mom looked up at him sadly for a moment, before at last whispering, “This isn’t gonna be fixed, is it?”

Stan let out a sigh that was equal parts sad and frustrated as he set down the spatula he’d been using.  “Whaddya want me ta do? Beg and plead for him ta say I’m part of the family again? It wouldn’t work, Mom, and even if it would…”

Even when he had still been mad at his brother, Ford knew he wouldn’t have wanted him to sacrifice his dignity to that extent.  He wanted it even less now, when he understood better what had happened and wasn’t a stupid hormonal teenager.

Mom was trying hard not to cry now.  “Stanley…”

“Am I gonna lose you too if I can’t make things up with him?” Stan suddenly asked.

It snapped Mom out of her despondency somewhat: her eyes widened, and then she jabbed a finger into her son’s chest.

“Stanley Pines!  What kinda mother ya take me for?!  What, ya think I’m gonna tell ya ta shove off just cuz your pa’s got a big stick up his-”

The rest of her words were muffled in Stan’s shirt as he pulled her into a hug.

“Just checkin’,” he whispered into her hair.  “Love ya too, Mom.”

********

Pa came down a while later, and sat stoically through breakfast, before telling Shermie, “Pack up the car when you’re done.  We’re leaving.”

Shermie blinked.  “Already?”

He nodded.  “Gotta get back to the shop.  The rubes ain’t gonna fleece themselves.”

The oldest son sighed.  “You got it, Pops.”

Pa gave him a sharp look at the slight insolence in his tone, but then went back to eating the eggs.

Since they hadn’t brought much, it didn’t take them long to get ready to leave.  Mom held both her boys tightly, wringing out promises for them to call her more often, and then Shermie took his turn for some more affectionate noogying and apologies for not getting to spend more time checking out their home.  Then they were putting their things in the car, leaving them alone on the porch with Pa.

Ford wondered if he was going to say-well, anything.

An apology was most likely too much to hope for, but-well, something.  Something to prove that he was a human being, not a robot.

All he did, though, was give a small nod, and then turn away and head for the car.

As they watched it drive back down the road, Ford said, “...We need to go to Dan’s place.”

“What for?”

“I need a drink.”

********

On the Corduroy cabin’s front porch, Dan poured out more of his family’s home-brewed liquor and handed it over.

“Sounds like you guys had a rough time.”

“...Wasn’t so bad, not after I gave ‘im the money,” Stan muttered into his glass.

“Ya shouldn’t’ve done that,” Ford scolded; his words slurred more than usual, finally making him sound like a Jersey boy for once.  “‘S wasted on ‘im. Prolly never even spend it.”

Stan shrugged, and held out his glass again.  “S’not my money anymore. I don’t care.”

The part of Ford’s brain still capable of rational thought wondered what exactly was in this Corduroy family recipe.  Dan had said it was apples...or mostly apples. Definitely had apples in it. It was powerful stuff, whatever it was; they’d only been doing this for half an hour and he’d already reached the point where the edges of his vision were going in and out of focus, and he needed to sit down even though he was already sitting down.  He squinted at Dan.

“How’re you handlin’ this stuff so well?  You’re lit-ral-lit-little-little-er-ally younger’n we are, you’ve had less years ta build up a tolerance for drink.”

Dan smirked.  “Guess I’m just manlier than you.”

Ford glared.  “Ha. Ha. You even drinkin’?”

Dan pointedly poured himself a glass of whatever-he-called this stuff (Crumble?  Scramble? Something like that), from the same bottle they’d been using, and gulped down a shot.

Stan whistled appreciatively.  “You’re good.”

“Got a lotta Scottish in my blood.  Makes it easy.”

“Nice.”

****

“...I shoulda stood up ta him better,” Ford muttered finally.

The other two stared at him.

“He started sayin’ all this crap about you bein’ a-a bad influence an’ stuff, Stanley, and I tried ta defend you, but I just...froze up.  I failed you again.”

“What?  No, nononono, don’t do that ta yourself.”  Stan scooted his chair over next to Ford’s, not heeding the horrible scraping noise it made on the wooden boards, and slung one big arm over his shoulder.  “S’not your fault, ‘kay? Dad’s-Mom says I got pershonality, but he’s got one too. Big one. Size’a New York City-big. Not an easy one ta go up against.”

“What, are you-are you sayin’ I don’t have personality?”  Ford gave Stan a wounded look.

“No, no, ‘course not.  Jus’ not a pers’nality used ta fightin’ people.  ‘Specially not Pa.” Stan squeezed him. “Not your fault.”  He ruffled Ford’s hair...and then gaped at it in wonder. “Whoa.  Your hair’s real...floofy. Heh heh. Floof, floof, floof.” He continued playing with it, giggling, until Ford swatted his hand.

He felt a little comforted by Stan’s words...but not much.  “S my job,” he insisted stubbornly, staring at the middle of Stan’s three faces floating before his eyes on the assumption that it was the real one.  “Needa...fix things. Last time-you were homeless cuz I couldn’t get over myself an’ help you, so I needa-”

“Hey, I shouldn’ta hung around your project, so I wouldn’t’ve broken it, so you coulda gone ta the dumb science college.  You’re more important than a boat, Sixer, an’I made ya feel like-likit was the other way ‘round.”  Stan suddenly snatched the bottle off the table, began chugging down the rest of its contents.

“Hey!  No fair, gimme that.”  Ford grabbed for it, leading to a sloppy tug-of-war that ended with the-grumble?  No, scumble, that was the name of this stuff-splashed all over both of them.

Ford put the bottle back on the table with a resigned sigh, and then wrapped his arm around Stan.

“You’re more important’n a college, St’nley,” he murmured, letting his heavy eyes droop shut.  “Shoulda remembered that too…”

****

Soon enough they were both snoring, completely passed out on each other.

Dan threw away the empty bottle, and went inside to grab a blanket, which he draped over both of them.  Then, as the effects of the scumble finally started to hit him, he just made himself comfortable stretching out on the porch.

********

When they wake up, all three boys are VERY hungover. Stan and Ford end up staying until they're feeling well enough to stand and walk home without throwing up, while Ford tries to deduce the ingredients for a hangover cure Fiddleford came up with in college. As best he recalls, it included a raw egg, Tabasco and Worcestershire sauce, but he could never get his friend to divulge the rest of it. He resolves to experiment until he deciphers it on his own-as soon as his head stops feeling like it's all stuffed with rocks that keep rolling around and banging into each other.

Stan has a few nightmares while he’s sleeping them off, but he doesn’t remember them that well when he wakes up, just being surrounded by a lot of indistinct whispers.

[generousqueen21]

Batfamily Hidden Talents (Headcanons)

Bruce: 

Bruce’s best-hidden talent would be his knack for staying hidden. But y’all already knew that. 

His second hidden talent is trick shots. After years of throwing batarangs and aiming grappling hooks, throwing ping pong balls into red cups is done naturally.

Probably realized that people actually make a living off of the hobby after Dick or Jason showed him Youtube videos on Dude Perfect's channel

Bruce just shrugged and said, "I can do that."

While he doesn't make Youtube videos or a living off of the talent, whenever he's feeling a little bit bored in the Batcave, he'll probably toss a crumpled piece of paper or two across the cave.

When everyone gives him the I'm-shook look, Bruce will most definitely shrug.

Dick

As the first Robin, Dick was under a lot of pressure to know all sorts of trivia on the American Robin.

”Tweet, Tweet, on the street.”

So he ends up just learning about all sorts of birds. Dick probably had an entire book full of facts and pictures about each bird. 

Try’s to get one of his brothers to go bird watching with him. 

Eventually coaxes Damian by convincing him he’ll take him to the zoo afterwards. 

"Hey, that’s an Eastern Goldfinch! Did you know that they eat seeds from dandelions, sunflowers, and -”

“Tt. Shut up, Grayson.”

DAMIAN DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS AND WANTS OUT

Also knows just about every bird sound there is

Becomes really excited when he sees an American Robin and try to “chirp” back

Jason

Jason like’s music a lot, but what he really loves is rap music.

For Jason, it’s a great way to let it all out. 

Is one of those people who will sing (or rap) at the top of their lungs if they think they are alone. 

Turns out Jason is a fantastic freestyle rapper 

Once at school, before he was killed, he was challenged to a rap battle by a big jock

Everyone thought that little Jason would get crushed. After all, that was kinda why they had asked Jason of all people. 

Jason proved them all wrong and SLAYED - This boy does not take L’s 

You need to stop it yeah

You need to quit it yeah

You need to stop it yeah

Yeah you need to quit it yeah

Next time you roast me, make sure it's lowkey

Cause if I ever find out you're gonna be salty

That big jock? He went home and cried that night.

Once, when Jason got really mad at Tim, he just starting hardcore roasting him - rap style.

Tim was so confused, especially when Jason started yelling at him. 

“You’re supposed to rap back! It’s a rap battle!”

Everyone is too scared to challenge Jason anyways. 

Tim

Everyone knows Tim's addiction to coffee. It's no secret. 

What everyone wants to know but too afraid to ask is how far Tim's love of coffee is willing to go,

The answer: Far. Very, very far. 

Once Tim really needed to stay up to work on a case. This poor lil bean was already super sleep deprived. 

Before he knew it, Tim had drunk 12 cups of coffee straight. 

The only way the Batfamily figured it out was because the next morning when everyone woke up, Tim was throwing up in the Bathroom. 

Alfred found a bunch of coffee pods littered all over Tim's study and immediately called 911.

Everyone mostly blamed the caffeine poisoning on Tim's lack of sleep instead of stupidity, as this guy is one of the smartest detectives alive.

To this day, Tim still hasn't lived it down. That and the chubby bunny challenge, which is another long story for another day. 

Damian

Damian is a very introverted guy, and enjoyed doing things by himself. 

He also has major anger management issues. 

Drawing and painting help him cope with calming down and getting away from his crazy brothers. 

Once Alfred notices Damian’s drawings, he started buying blank canvases and paint brushes for him. 

When Damian is having a young day, or just really wants some alone time, he will usually paint a picture of Titus or Batcow. 

Damian once even painted Bruce for his birthday. It hangs in Bruce’s office to this day. 

Sometimes Damian will allow Bruce to sell his paintings, or put it up on display around the Manor or the Gotham Art Gallery. Otherwise, Damian keeps them in a special room in the Manor that only Alfred and him know about. 

[emrisemrisemris]

There’s still ... 90 minutes of the 31st left where I am. Here is a very late entry for @meflashfanwork​ for the August theme, “Family”. 1610 words. FShep/Miranda, AU. Probably.

Miranda Lawson was the only person in the mess when Shepard came in, seated at one end of the long table with her omnitool out, a stack of datapads spread out around her and an empty cup of coffee.

It was almost two in the morning, shiptime, but Shepard had gotten used to finding her Cerberus XO taking advantage of the time to spread out in a bigger space. That, and, as Lawson had explained the previous time, she'd been going in and out of her office to the coffee machine so often it saved a measurable amount of time just to work in the common area.

Shepard collected a cup of horrible ship coffee for herself, and took the seat at the table furthest from the other woman.

Miranda ignored her.

She drank the coffee.

"There are," Shepard announced after some time had passed, "enough family issues on this ship to keep a crew of therapists in work for years. Maybe I should ask Kelly to form a support group."

"Shepard, was that directed at me?"

"No. But also yes." The Commander put her cup down and stared at it, as if sufficient application of biotics would fill it back up. "You've got a deranged billionaire for a father with an obsession with his legacy. Garrus can't decide whether he wants to be everything his father was or the complete opposite. Thane kinda abandoned his kid to go on a revenge quest, Samara put two of hers in an institution and the other one's a serial killer, Grunt is … you, but built by a krogan mad scientist, the less said about Jacob's dad the better, and it's a miracle Jack's even alive." The cup remained, stubbornly, empty. "You know even Zaeed has a kid out there somewhere? The only one with a half-healthy family life is Tali, right up until she got herself exiled to cover up her dad being a traitor -"

"You've forgotten the Professor," Miranda said, shutting off her omni-tool and shuffling her datapads into a neat stack. She put one hand over the other and gave Shepard the look of an indulgent parent waiting for a child to calm down.

"Salarian families are more like business mergers anyway," Shepard said, and then added grudgingly "OK, I'll give you Mordin. He writes home to his nephew. OK. One out of -"

"And Dr Chakwas."

Shepard blinked. "Chakwas has a family?"

"Three sisters, eight nieces. And she writes birthday cards to all her old doctoral students." Miranda tapped her fingers on the table, thinking. "Joker's father and sister live on Tiptree. Gabby Daniels has a little girl. Donnelly has an identical twin -"

Shepard groaned and put her forehead on the table.

"- which is a horrifying thought, but there you are."

"Point stands," Shepard said into the table. "This ship is full of family mess, and -"

"And of course your relationship with your mother is enviably functional," Miranda said.

"Don't even have a dad and I'm still doing better than half the crew," Shepard muttered.

"I noticed the gap on your records," Miranda said. "I did wonder if you were medically conceived as well."

"No. Good old-fashioned one-night stand." Shepard lifted her head far enough to put it in her hands. "Mom was still a private, I was an accident, he was a corporate mercenary called Jack. She never saw him again. Why am I even telling you this?"

"It's two in the morning and somebody's just told you their harrowing life story," Miranda said, and steepled her fingers. "And you've pulled three consecutive eighteen-hour days. You're drunk on sleep deprivation. Go to bed."

"You don't get to give me orders, Lawson," Shepard mumbled, but there was no heart in it.

"Bed, Commander," Miranda said sternly.

Shepard muttered something into her own palms.

"Sorry?"

"I said, yours is closer," Shepard said, barely audibly.

There was a pause, during which Shepard looked determinedly at the table and Miranda at the ceiling.

"Be my guest," Miranda said eventually. "EDI, open my office door, would you?"

The door slid back. Without looking Miranda in the eye, Shepard got to her feet and headed for the door of Miranda's office at the pace of a zombie. Shortly afterwards there was the sound of someone falling into bed fully armoured, and the door closed again.

Miranda shook her head, and pulled a datapad towards her more or less at random.

He was a corporate mercenary called Jack …

There were millions of human mercenaries and it was a common name, and also people lied, and yet …

Miranda pulled up the Commander's formal Alliance headshot on her omni-tool, and examined the lines of the woman's face with newly unsettled eyes. Shepard had started greying early, her temples already whitening before she'd even made N7; subsequent events hadn't helped. Piercing blue-grey eyes, and a set to her face that made her look permanently slightly unimpressed, until it was lit up with one of those smiles.

"EDI, can I get into the Cerberus core database from my omni-tool?"

"Connecting," said EDI. A few moments later the omni-tool's projection began to fill with the familiar interface of Cerberus' huge internal filesystem.

There was information filed away in there that could ruin lives and bring down governments. It was a spy's dream; a treasure trove, a whole cursed tomb's worth of little threads and dirty secrets.

It was a normal reference database as well, hooked up to the email system and the holiday calendar and all the other things that an organisation two hundred strong spread across the galaxy needed to co-ordinate. The birthday announcements. The classifieds thread for agents trying to sell second-hand aircars or dusty exercise equipment.

Shepard tended to forget that Cerberus was, in many respects, just a company.

It also provided an assortment of working logins for other databases spread across the galaxy. They hadn't managed to get one for the Citadel Archives yet; those were jealously guarded and stored a great deal of their information in physical form only, which was frustrating. Alliance service records, however …

Miranda reviewed Captain Hannah Shepard's service history and counted backwards to the Commander's birthdate - three years before the First Contact war - and then nine months backward from there to the summer of 2153, before Cerberus had even been thought of. She'd had some leave on Earth.

She closed the record, and went into the Cerberus medical database instead.

There was this to be said for the Illusive Man: he'd been a field agent and knew the drill, and still, on occasion, would suit up ready to get his hands dirty if an operation demanded his particular skills. He liked to know every detail of what his projects were producing, and had an open inbox for any operative who wanted to speak directly to the man in charge. He drew no salary. And when they'd instituted the company-wide medical records database, to help support the medical division - Cerberus' corporate health offering outstripped anything offered by any human state system; it was one of the reasons colonists, especially, tended to join - he'd put his own results in there as well.

Under a pseudonym, of course, he'd said, in case a disgruntled employee tried to Reveal The Identity Of The Illusive Man. But they were in there. He was confident the Cerberus medical scan was the best available; why not take advantage of it?

Miranda found Shepard's medical record - screens upon screens of it, months of her own notes on the Lazarus Project - pulled out the genetic scan, and told EDI to cross-check it against the rest of the Cerberus genetics database.

She made herself a coffee while the AI worked.

Then another.

Then another.

Garrus emerged from the battery in his undersuit, went to the fridge for a dextro snack bar, waved vaguely at her and went back to his lair. He had a hammock down the side of one of the main cannons, which was against at least six shipboard safety recommendations, but the regulations hadn't been written with turians in mind and had definitely not been expecting Garrus.

Miranda decided against further coffee, and had a glass of water instead.

"I have found a positive result," EDI said.

"Show me," said Miranda.

And there it was. She searched the pseudonym, and found a human veteran, a biotic soldier who'd died in the First Contact War. Made sense. He tended to prefer meaningful aliases, when he needed them.

"What do you intend to do with this information?" EDI enquired.

Miranda stared at the few lines of code.

Don't even have a dad and I'm still doing better than half the crew.

"Nothing," Miranda said eventually. "It was for … my own personal curiosity. Delete the last hour of my search history, please, EDI."

"Done."

"Override command: delete the last hour of your own non-routine processing records, on my mark," Miranda said.

"I do not see the necessity of -" EDI began.

"Mark."

The mess room was silent. Miranda contemplated the table, and then collected the stack of datapads in the crook of her left arm and went back to her office.

Shepard was crumpled on the left side of the bed, in full armour, dead to the world. Miranda put the stack down as quietly as she could, took off her boots, changed into pyjamas, brushed her teeth.

Shepard woke up when she was brushing her hair.

"M'randa? You're still up?"

"Not for much longer."

"The hell's so important you're working on it this late?"

Miranda looked across the dim room at her, at the drowsy blue eyes and prematurely silver hair, and shook her head. "Nothing much."

[mysmeprotectionsquad]

Can you do the RFA + V with an MC who CANNOT sleep in a house alone. Like she's paranoid about someone breaking in, watching her in her sleep, etc. So by the party she's sleep deprived and close to passing out.

Wow look at cat mom actually doing stuff!! Much productive such write!! Sorry for not being active lately due to some personal matters and overall crappy health, but I promise to try my best from now on.

Onto your request: Yikes I want to wrap this MC in a blanket and put her to sleep like omg who gives a damn about this party lol. Anyways, here you go, love! I ignored everything that happened in each party because that would’ve changed… well, your entire request, especially in certain routes. Just think of it as a neutral party? Taking Jaehee’s route as an example.

- Admin Cat Mom.

Yoosung

the moment is perfect and this baby boy is more than ready to become a Manly Man and give you that well-deserved kiss you both have been waiting for.

and he’s going for it, he wraps his arms around you and leans in for a kiss, but right before closing his eyes he notices how drained you look.

the bags under your eyes can be seen from space oh dear god.

of course the stupid kiss doesn’t matter anymore.

and he beats himself up for not noticing it before?

immediately starts interrogating you.

sweetie you’re not helping let poor MC at least process the questions.

instead of answering any of them, you mumble something unintelligible and hold tightly to his arms.

you got like two hours of sleep last night, your eyelids are heavy and your whole body feels like jelly so you’re thankful for the extra support.

but while your busy letting yourself go in his arms, he straight up freaks out because—are you passing out right now, MC?

oh god oH GOD PLEASE DON’T.

WHAT DOES A MAN HAVE TO DO HERE TO GET A CHAIR FOR HIS LADY

once he takes you somewhere quiet, gets you a chair, and makes certain you’re somewhat more stable, he squats down in front of you and holds your hand, stroking it softly as he listens to what’s been troubling you.

if only he would’ve known sooner…

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that by yourself, MC.”

you can see true anguish in every corner of his face.

after a brief discussion with the rest of RFA, he offers to take you home and promises to stay with you until you feel better.

and even though he doesn’t say this out loud, he would gladly, ahem, sleep right next to you if it’ll make you feel safe and sound.

Zen

this place is so crowded and noisy and holY SHIT you look like you’re dying, MC, what the hell happened?

he’s eavesdropping on you and it’s quite evident you’re trying your best to make conversation with guests but you’re so disconnected from everything, stuttering and fidgeting and spacing out.

so he approaches you and carefully places a hand on your shoulder to help you out a little and pull you back to earth.

and… you startle at his touch and screech, he screeches as well and backs up, everybody goes quiet, things get awkward, suddenly the concept of spontaneous combustion sounds nice and fitting.

in order to avoid making things worse, though, he smiles for the guests, suggests them to try the food and takes you somewhere less crowded.

it’s not really a pleasant talk because you feel so dizzy and you’re afraid he may start nagging you for not getting enough sleep.

yet not surprisingly enough, he gets mad at everyone but you.

he’s mad at seven and v for leaving you all alone in someone else’s apartment and refusing to reveal your location

what was the point of that anyway?

he’s also mad at himself for not being there for you.

and while he rattles on and on about RFA’s irresponsible and careless members, your legs start feeling heavy and your vision gets blurry.

whoops, there goes MC who is now all passed out on the floor.

OH SHIT.

nope nope nope he’s getting you out of there rIGHT NOW.

not a chance he’s letting you stay at the party, you need a good ol’ beauty sleep to recharge and get better.

Jaehee

she’s been in your position more times than she can count.

it’s pretty obvious she recognizes all the signs of a sleep deprived individual.

and she’s honestly the sweetest and most caring of them all?

like honey, you’ve done more than enough for this huge success of a party, you’re even trying to socialize and interact with guests while struggling to stand and walk.

everything’s been taken care of and the guys are handling the party just fine, you don’t need to worry and you’re going home right. now.

because having you wander around while close to passing out could do more harm than you leaving early.

when she mentions driving you somewhere nearby rika’s apartment so you can get some sleep, your face immediately drops.

oh…?

she’s quick to pick up your reaction and asks for an explanation.

after you provide her one, she deadpan nods and grabs you by the arm.

okay then it’s settled, she has no choice but to take you to her place.

when you both arrive, she puts you to bed and offers you a warm cup of tea to help you relax before heading out.

except she barely makes it two inches far from her bed because there’s something desperately pulling her sleeve.

she hesitates for a moment and urges you that you’re safe here, there are no bomb threats or possible intruders or hackers slash kidnappers waiting for the right time to take you away.

plus they’re expecting her at the party.

but… you’re persistent and you seem genuinely distressed thus she can’t just go on with her day knowing you’re feeling unsafe.

so she lies down next to you and lets you rest your head on her chest, and she promises to stay by your side until you wake up.

her heart is pounding like crazy and her cheeks are bright red, poor thing may explode at any given second but it’s okay it’s all good, it feels nice having you this close.

you soon fall asleep together and it’s the cutest thing.

Jumin

as soon as he arrives, he eagerly starts looking for you.

an alluring being among the crowd he simply cannot wait to meet, where can they be? you can tell how anxious he is just by looking at his left cuff.

he’s fidgeting with it nonstop.

he asks about your whereabouts to every RFA member and guest he encounters without any luck.

until he bumps into seven and pops out the same question yet again.

“there,” he answers while pointing at his back.

five seconds later you crash into him, both of you losing balance for a moment.

“are you drunk, MC?”

though harsh and quite direct, he tries to be discreet about it.

and in his defense, you do look a bit drunk and disoriented.

this isn’t how he imagined getting to meet you.

still, he’s a gentleman resolved to help you avoid embarrassment and discomfort, and instead of dwelling on the reasons behind your current state right there, he escorts you outside to have a talk.

what? what do you mean you’ve barely slept in the past two weeks?

he refrains from lecturing you because 1) you look like you could faint at any minute and 2) he doesn’t want to upset someone who’s already upset enough, it’d be no help.

“you should’ve called, why didn’t you? I would’ve kept you company.”

you know it’s serious when executive director jumin han is willing to sacrifice his sleep and tight schedule just to make sure you’re having a good night’s sleep.

but since “it’s no use crying over spilled milk” his words and he has zero fucks to give, he suggests fleeing from the party.

no worries he ends up calling jaehee to let her know you’re feeling unwell.

after getting into his car, you fall asleep on his shoulder.

he stays still and watches you sleep in silence, a cute, barely noticeable smile across his face.

Seven

oh noes.

he’s seen that “do i want death or am i already dead who the hell knows at this point” look you’re pulling off.

where, you may be wondering? oh, that’s right, in the fucking mirror every goddamn night for the past fifteen years of his life.

you look like a zombie wandering around the room, you’re bumping into people and making a mess your way.

you haven’t even realized there’s a wine stain on your pretty clothes.

YOU. NEED. HELP.

otherwise, he’s afraid you’ll pass out cold and the last thing you need right now is a concussion, so he comes up to you and greets you with one of his dumb jokes in order to lift your spirit.

it kinda works but you’re still looking… well, dead, and moody.

a moody zombie? yeah, that’s about it.

refusing to give up on you just yet, he grabs your hand and promises to stay by your side throughout the whole night so you can lean on him, literally, whenever you feel like you’re about to faint.

what was that? do you want to leave early instead? that’s cool too, jaehee will take care of everything don’t you worry, my brave soldier.

defender of justice seven zero seven’s got your back!!

you eventually leave the party together but you don’t go very far, instead, you lay down on a park nearby to contemplate the sky.

he’s telling you stories about the clouds idly passing by when he hears a sweet little snore.

it’s you!! you’ve fallen asleep on his chest, aw.

all the blood in his system gathers on his cheeks and he is now all red, you can’t tell his hair apart from his face.

and in order to keep you warm and well protected, he embraces you with both arms and kisses your head.

later on he falls asleep too because he’s just as sleep deprived as you.

V

surprise surprise! much to everyone’s expectations, lovely boy has decided to show up to the party!

and he’s so excited to meet you after hearing so many positive things about you and how you’ve put every ounce of energy into RFA’s party.

he needs to thank you properly!!

spotting you amidst the guests isn’t really hard as there’s a bunch of people gathered in the center of the room making commotion.

apparently, someone has fainted? he can hear yoosung screaming and asking people to make some room, zen is yelling something about CPR, and jaehee is rushing to the crowd while dialing what it seems to be 119.

what in the world…?

determined to do some damage control, he hurries to reach jaehee and tries to find out what the hell is going on.

“it appears MC has passed out and we don’t know the reason.”

no need to say more.

he kindly but firmly asks people to stay back so that you can get some air, and he also sends yoosung to get you a chair to sit on.

zen is in charge of bringing you a glass of water because boy needs to calm the eff down.

five minutes later he manages to sit you upright in a chair, away from the crowd and where you can get some fresh air.

six pairs of concerned eyes are piercing right through you while you try to regain consciousness, only one of them hidden behind sunglasses.

you may not see those eyes clearly, but they carry the most guilt out of all of them.

in his usual soft caring voice, he does an attempt to ask you what’s wrong, and as he gets the answer he was expecting, he frowns and strokes your hair.

“why didn’t you say anything? we could’ve helped you.”

were it not for the mess he’s sunken in thanks to rika, he would’ve gone to the apartment himself to make sure you were getting some sleep.

[pearlsephoni]

i have homework i need to do

plso here’s a list of questions that are supposed to be sent as asks but i felt like answering them myself rip productivity and sleep leggo

200: My crush’s name is: lol people I know irl follow me they don’t need to know this 199: I was born in: Galle, Sri Lanka 198: I am really: sleep-deprived 197: My cellphone company is: AT&T 196: My eye color is: Daaaaaaaark brown 195: My shoe size is: 6 194: My ring size is: I don’t actually, but I guess one of the smallest sizes 193: My height is: 5′1 192: I am allergic to: pet dander 😢 191: My 1st car was: still don’t have my license rip 190: My 1st job was: working in a lab! 189: Last book you read: Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison (I’ve been working on like five other books for the last year why am i like this) 188: My bed is: a lofted long twin, gotta love dorm beds 187: My pet: don’t have one 186: My best friend: got three, love them all 185: My favorite shampoo is: SheaMoisture’s Coconut and Hibiscus Curl and Shine has been great  184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: wonderful 182: In my pockets: my headphones 181: On my calendar: so many projects and presentations and finals rip 180: Marriage is: what you make of it 179: Spongebob can: ...do whatever he wants? i don’t care 178: My mom: is one of the best people in the world 177: The last three songs I bought were? Dead Girl Walking, La La Latch, and the 21 Chump St soundtrack 176: Last YouTube video watched: What If? feat. Daniel Radcliffe, by Anna Akana 175: How many cousins do you have? 7 174: Do you have any siblings? nope 173: Are your parents divorced? nope 172: Are you taller than your mom? we’re the same height 171: Do you play an instrument? Piano (badly), and I used to play clarinet 170: What did you do yesterday? classes, lab work, IRO meeting, then stayed up Way Too Late finishing an assignment [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: nah, I believe in attraction at first sight tho 168: Luck: Yeah 167: Fate: Yeah 166: Yourself: Working on it 165: Aliens: Yeah 164: Heaven: um 163: Hell: uh 162: God: haven’t thought about it as much as I probably should’ve 161: Horoscopes: not usually, but they’re fun 160: Soul mates: I kinda do, but I wish I didn’t, because it’s such a stressful concept to me 159: Ghosts: not really, but I’ll still get spooked at haunted places 158: Gay Marriage: YES???? 157: War: no 156: Orbs: don’t really know anything about that 155: Magic: no, but I wish I did [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs 153: Drunk or High: never been high 152: Phone or Online: online 151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes (all my crushes have been brunettes, idk how or why)  149: Hot or cold: Hot 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla 145: Night or Day: both  144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops  138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke 136: Hillary or Obama: hoo boy, Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: Coach 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: lmao Taylor Hicks what a throwback tho 131: Small town or Big city: Big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller (unfollow me if you pick Sandler omg) 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Red Sox [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: unnecessary  121: George Bush: really don’t like this weird “kind grandpa” tour he’s going on. appreciate him acknowledging his mistakes though 120: Gay Marriage: Should be accessible to anyone and everyone, and the continued persecution of gay people (and people of every non-hetero sexuality) is disgusting  119: The presidential election: Hell On Earth 118: Abortion: Should be accessible to anyone and everyone 117: MySpace: Let it die 116: Reality TV: Let it die 115: Parents: I’ve been blessed with amazing ones, but not everyone is, and everyone should be able to define their relationship to them without society trying to enforce judgement on them 114: Back stabbers: been on both ends of that 113: Ebay: where I go for kpop things rip my wallet 112: Facebook: I’m embarrassed by how much I still use it 111: Work: nice. people at Wharton can be so stuck-up though, why are theatre kids like this 110: My Neighbors: Love them!  109: Gas Prices: pls 108: Designer Clothes: I think they’re super pretty, but they’re just not something I could personally invest that kind of money into 107: College: Should be accessible to anyone and everyone 106: Sports: wow I really don’t give a fuck outside of the Olympics. wish I did.  105: My family: Love my parents, love my maternal grandmother, wish I had a better relationship with the rest.  104: The future: Wow! Fuck! Terrifying!  [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: Saturday night 102: Last time you ate: Eating chocolate rn lol 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: yesterday when I saw one of my asshole high school classmates twice in one day what kind of fuckery 100: Cried in front of someone: oh wow...it might have been the day after the elections? or my first therapy session? I don’t remember which came first oops 99: Went to a movie theater: March 24th, to see the Beauty and the Beast remake lmao 98: Took a vacation: Spring break, went to NYC with one of my close friends  97: Swam in a pool: Jamaica, the first week of January 96: Changed a diaper: over the summer, while babysitting 95: Got my nails done: never gotten them done professionally!  94: Went to a wedding: uhhhhhhh I must’ve still been in pre-school I think 93: Broke a bone: never happened to me g bless 92: Got a peircing: when I was a baby lmao 91: Broke the law: I guess underage drinking counts, so this past weekend lol 90: Texted: an hour? ago? I think?  [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Leslie  88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my parents, my mom’s cooking, the kids on my street  87: The last movie I saw: Split (unless the last ep of Black Mirror counts because that was a 2 hour doozy) 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Going to Mexico this summer 85: The thing im not looking forward to: finding out how my crush feels about me 84: People call me: smol, cute, sweet, angry 83: The most difficult thing to do is: confrontation 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: Bull 80: The first person i talked to today was: my linguistics prof 79: First time you had a crush: elementary school  78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom and Jaylen 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Lizy, last week 76: Right now I am talking to: no one  75: What are you going to do when you grow up: be a doctor? hopefully? and travel? ahhhhhhhhh 74: I have/will get a job: yee 73: Tomorrow: I have a test in Spanish and have to work on a group presentation rip 72: Today: NEED TO GET THIS DAMN PROPOSAL DONE 71: Next Summer: this coming summer? going to Mexico, still don’t know what I’m doing for the second half why does this keep happening 70: Next Weekend: Working Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time! so excited, I’ve been looking forward to this show for the past year 69: I have these pets: none :’(  68: The worst sound in the world: screams of pain 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mooooooooom (because I love her so much)  66: People that make you happy: my parents, my friends, I’ve been blessed with the people in my life 65: Last time I cried: probably two weeks ago, my mind wouldn’t shut up before bed  64: My friends are: the most patient people in the world 63: My computer is: doing its best, wish it had more memory 62: My School: is great!  61: My Car: nonexistent 60: I lose all respect for people who: voted for Trump 59: The movie I cried at was: the last one was Lion 58: Your hair color is: black 57: TV shows you watch: Too Many 56: Favorite web site: Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube 55: Your dream vacation: living in Paris for 1+ month 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: all of junior year of high school 53: How do you like your steak cooked: I’m pescatarian lmao 52: My room is: small, but lovely 51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhh Viola Davis 50: Where would you like to be: Paris, NYC, Disney World 49: Do you want children: still not sure honestly 48: Ever been in love: unrequited, but yeah 47: Who’s your best friend: my mom, Jaylen, Riley, Leslie 46: More guy friends or girl friends: woah so many more girl friends 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: getting enough sleep 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my parents, my crush, Jaylen 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: kind..of...it depends on a lot of variable tho 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: tentative, but yeah 41: Have you pre-named your children: nah 40: Last person I got mad at: does sean spicer count 39: I would like to move to: NYC, Madrid, Paris (why am i so bougie why am i like this)  38: I wish I was a professional: actress [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: sour patch kids, airheads xtremes, cotton candy 36: Vehicle: Volkswagon Beetle, the last generation when it was still round rip 35: President: Obama? 34: State visited: California 33: Cellphone provider: AT&T i guess 32: Athlete: Simone Biles 31: Actor: at the moment, Dev Patel 30: Actress: at the moment, Phillipa Soo and Viola Davis 29: Singer: at the moment, Bruno Mars 28: Band: at the moment, EXO and Royal Pirates 27: Clothing store: Rue 21 26: Grocery store: Meijer and Kroger 25: TV show: at the moment...shit, I don’t really know 24: Movie: at the moment, Amelie 23: Website: tumblr, facebook, youtube 22: Animal: elephants 21: Theme park: Disney World 20: Holiday: Christmas 19: Sport to watch: Figure skating 18: Sport to play: uh badminton I guess 17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: The Night Circus 15: Day of the week: Friday 14: Beach: Galle 13: Concert attended: Bruno Mars’ Moonshine Jungle with Jaylen 12: Thing to cook: omelettes 11: Food: my mom’s food, spicy ramyun, macarons 10: Restaurant: Boiling Pots 9: Radio station: 98.7 in Detroit  8: Yankee candle scent: don’t really know 7: Perfume: Marc Jacobs Daisy 6: Flower: plumerias, cherry blossoms, roses, daffodils 5: Color: piiiiiiiiiink  4: Talk show host: I still miss Oprah tbh 3: Comedian: John Oliver, John Mulaney, Mike Birbiglia (I know, I need to diversify my choices)  2: Dog breed: corgis, samoyeds, labradors, goldens, poodles 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I tried? 

[pechuelle]

For the question thing - can you answer all the "feelings and others" section plz? :)

230 - Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early?A: definitely a procrastinator, unless it’s a fun task! We got ready for the chinchillas super early 😜
231 - Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance:

Kinnoull Hill, where B and I went on our first date ☺️ I had no idea we’d still be together 3 ½ years on. Was hard to find a photo that portrays what it’s actually like to be up there. Not my photo by the way, it’s by Rising View. 
232 - Say 5 things you love unconditionally:A: My rock collection, my family, being creative, chinchillas and snow days! (no particular order)
233 - What motivates you in life?A: I’m motivated knowing that younger me would be proud of the person I am today. I work towards being proud of my future self. 
234 - Something that you’re proud of:A: I’m proud of my grades last semester! 
235 - Five words/phrases that make you laugh:• the tune about solvents Rhea & I made up that was to the tune of Mambo no. 5•'silky, like kitten’ but said in a bad Russian accent. This was something that my sleep-deprived, coffee fuelled brain came up with when I saw the phrase ‘silky crystals’ in my lab book •'the door creaked and then I was committed’ something daft I said once Whalen I worked at abertay one summer. It just sounds funny out of context •is three funny phrases okay? I’m not a big fan of this question; it always tends to be the situation that’s funny, not the phrase 
236 - Share the story of something that makes you smile:A: not a story, but it always makes me smile when my parents give us impromptu pet names! It’s always quite idiosyncratic and very sweet. 
237 - Something you always think “what if…” about:A: What if I hadn’t gone into science but done something creative instead? I’ve always been pretty proficient with fabric, what if I’d decided to go into fashion? Sometimes wonder if I’d be happier. 
238 - What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that?A: there were some bands I used to enjoy, but I kinda stopped listening to them after I got made fun of by a teacher in high school. I was quite young at the time and I wouldn’t let it stop me now, but I was just a kid having trouble finding themselves and I took other people’s feelings to heart too much. It’s a lesson not to be such a people pleaser, I guess 🤔 
239 - Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life:A: one summer my mum gave Brandon and I a telling off for leaving a bottle of buckfast in our room. What she didn’t bother to find out was that we’d bought it to bring to my sister’s get-together as a joke and we’d just parked it in my room in the meantime. She actually thought we were drinking it ourselves, I guess. I love my mum but she can be a bit crazy at times.
240 - Something/someone that you miss:A: I miss my family often, I don’t go back and see them as much as I ought to. 
241 - Are you over your past?A: On the whole, I’d say that I am. Everyone that needs forgiveness, I’ve long since forgiven and I’ve come a long way in the past six years. 
242 - What is your saddest memory?A: The night that I did something really harmful to myself. I remember being barely lucid on the couch of my eldest sister’s house; awake all night feeling too down to sleep. 
243 - One of the hardest moments in your life:A: lifting 30-40kg beehives in summer! I hope you weren’t expecting something emotionally heavy for that answer haha! 
244 - Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?A. Yep- the chain of events culminating in the event described in q242. Keeping this brief haha 
245 - What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?A: design and make something for me to wear, from start to finish. I always feel low-key embarrassed when I tell people my creative outlet is beauty/fashion/crafts. I’ve kind of internalised the notion that traditional feminine interests don’t count as me using my brain creatively; that it just makes me 'shallow’/'in love with myself’ and that I’d be doing more highbrow art if I was actually creative. Like I say, those aren’t wholly my views, I don’t apply to other people the standards I set upon myself. I’m trying to work out why I’m embarrassed by expressing my interests. (omg what an incoherent rant sorry)
246 - What was your most embarrassing moment?A: I’m really shy, so I have a lot of low-level embarrassing moments that aren’t really that noteworthy? One ongoing embarrassment though is my mum choosing to frame and display the photo of me at prom where I look really glaikit… there’s plenty others where I look fine, but she had to choose that one. :/ 
247 - Share one of your fears/insecurities:A: I’ll never be as thin as my eating disorder makes me feel I need to be. Every time I hit an arbitrary goal, my scumbag brain just moves the goalposts. I’m working hard on it though 💘
248 - Something you’re currently worrying about:A: exams, as always 😓
249 - Have you done something you regret very much?A: I stole a thing of yarn once. I was waiting at the till and nobody was there. I looked over to try and catch the eye of one of the staff and they just looked at me and kept on blethering! I just walked out with the thread in my hand because angry me thought that would totally make them regret being so awful at their job. 
250 - If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be?A: The incident from q249! I coulda just walked out and thrown them a frosty glance if I was that slighted. 
251 - Does anyone hate you?A: I hope not, but you know what people are like. 
252 - Do you hate anyone?A: I can’t think of anyone I currently have a personal hate for. 
253 - Lyrics that apply to your current situation/mood.A: honestly can’t think of any off the top of my head. I don’t think people write songs about lying in bed too hungover to function… or if they do, I just haven’t heard them :L 
254 - Are you good at hiding your feelings?A: I like to think I am, but I think people who know me well can read me like a book to be honest. 
255 - What’s something you hide about your personality?A: I’m quite prone to being envious. Not proud of it. 
256 - How do you approach social situations?A: Is 'by getting steaming drunk beforehand’ an acceptable answer? 😜 no but seriously, I worry like mad before a planned social event, but I’m usually fine once I’ve got there and settled in. 
257 - Are you a social or an antisocial person?Can I say asocial? I definitely prefer doing most things on my own, but I wouldn’t class myself as antisocial purely on that basis. 
258 - Are you an introvert or an extrovert?A: introvert all da wayyyy
259 - Do you care if people talk badly about you?A: I act like I don’t, but I do care deeply if it’s someone that’s close to me. Strangers on the other hand… not so much! 
260 - How do you deal with criticism?A: I think I’m okay with it, provided it’s done in a classy manner. If you’re patronising or downright bitchy, that’s when I get hurt and angry. 
261 - How you hope your future will be like?A: I don’t have any big dreams, just simple ones. I’d like a semi-decent house (and a cat if I move to a rural area), a job where I’m happy and financially stable, and to have my chinchillas. 
262 - What’s something that scares you about the future?A: The Yellowstone volcano could explode and everything would be destroyed just like that. 
263 - Five items you lust after:•new rocks and minerals for my collection, I’ll never have enough •a pair of contact lenses that are actually comfy, I’d wear my glasses less if I found them. I don’t think such a thing exists though •new things to read! There’s some books I keep meaning to buy but when I have the money I keep prioritising other things. •cookie cutters! I always just use a glass but there’s some Pokémon cutters I kinda want. Problem is I don’t really bake enough to justify it to myself. •can’t think of anything else that’s not super boring like clothes/shoes etc so I’m going to say the final thing I lust after is to live near a forest. It would be amazing because then I can de-stress any time I like :) 
264 - One thing you’re excited for:A: end of exams and summer? Such a rubbish answer but it’s true because I’m going to treat myself to another geode after exams yay! 
265 - Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had:The only dream I’ve had that stands out from the rest is the time I dreamt I was having an injection and the pain was so real and strong that it woke me up and I actually had to check my arm and see if I had actually hurt myself. Once or twice I’ve seen strangers out and about that I’ve seen in a dream not long previously; that’s always a bit starting on the rare occasion it does happen. 
266 - Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?A: nope. 
267 - Who is your celebrity crush?A: I’ve never had a celebrity crush. I tend to notice ordinary people as attractive more than public figures; I suppose it’s because you can get a better sense of their personality when they’re not 'on duty’, so to speak. 
268 - Make a confession:A: Honestly, video games bore me to tears. Brandon always tries to get me to try them because he loves them- I always give each game a fair try, but I can only handle about 2 hours and then I’m desperate to put it down and do something else. The only video game I’ve liked is diablo and I think skyrim is ok but I have trouble sticking to the main quest. Also, I know people are gonna hate on me for this, but I just could not get into minecraft! I don’t understand the point of it at all, didn’t have fun. (More of a rant than a confession, sorry :P)

[ichoiheedong]

A Fusion Of A Cold Love pt.9 (Jungkook ) M

“BTS member : jungkook x reader

                      :Jungkook ft.Namjoon

genre: angst/smut/ mature contents / rough sex

summary : it’s killing for a little girl to grow up poor after being a rich spoiled kid ,and it’s more killing when you lost your dad for this reason but being a pretty independent woman who will take what was hers again will be something really hard to get specially when the man who has every thing was jeon jungkook the ice prince …

masterlist

part 1  part2  part3  part4  part 5  part 6  part7  part8

hold your breath girls kkkk!! let’s gooooo

 well i’m glad to tell you you’re ok Mr jungkook you could do your daily activities but not the hard of them your shoulder still need a period of time to be totally fine “ jungkook’s physician explained to him and you were actually the one who was listening carefully asking the doctor about what kind of things he could do and if he could go to gym and when it looks really cute for him how you were taking notes and trying to memorize the doctor words   

he liked that side of you , caring 

“well we can go celebrate now right,? you said and jungkook turned looking at your hyper glad face and he chuckled 

“let’s go home first to take a rest before going out 

“cool but first i need some groceries ,your mom asked me to buy for her “

“why does she ask you jungkook frowned he knew there is at least 10 maid in his house 

“we are kinda close this days you said when your hand reached the car door “

fixing your seat belt”is it weird for us to be ? “

jungkook chuckled “it’s great where shall i take you now ?”

some where called a moll 

-

jungkook was wearing a beanie and a timberland he looked like a hot star in his outfits you liked every details in him actually and for many reasons you enjoyed seeing him here out of paper works and without a neck tie , he looked relaxed and young he looked full of life walking and looking every where to the different shops,when suddenly caught you staring at him 

you blushed looking away feeling that your face became a red tomato you cursed and squeezed your bag 

jungkook chuckled and dragged you to one of the shops and it turned to be an accessory shop

you felt dizzy as this kind of place didn’t suit you you were looking at how much beautiful this kind of soft chains were when jungkook came closer checking the one you were staring at 

“it looks really nice  i’m wondering how it will look on you y/N ah 

“i’m not buying it, i was just looking here and there 

“excuse me! jungkook called for the girl and she smiled hugely coming to see his request 

“can i get this necklace he said and she immediately brought it for him using her white gloves

the precious stone looked so beautiful in jungkook’s hands 

i will take it please pack it  

your eyes widened “why did you do this i said i don’t want it 

it’s for Hana Noona” jungkook looked at you innocently “ she adore emeraldand i think she will like it a lot , did you think i bought it for you ?who would i when you said you don’t want to !”

your lips parted slightly seeing him giving his credit card to the seller you bit your lips “why the hell did i open my fucking mouth idiot!!”

the whole way home you were so calm you didn’t speak with jungkook who was resting in the back seat with you quietly 

the driver parked the car and you didn’t him to come open your door as you rushed out going upstairs to the room 

you were an idiot once more thinking jungkook came to check you but it seemed he didn’t care as an hour passed while you were laying uncomfortably in the bed until you slept 

-

it was 8 pm when you woke up you sighed staring around to see no one but the walls around you  sighing again but this time loudly you walked towards the bathroom and took a hot shower you didn’t feel jungkook when he came to the room the way you nonchalantly wrapped the short towel around your body and went out hair wet and half naked 

you used the fresh towel to tie your hair up and went straight to the dressing

“the hot breath burning your bare wet shoulder made your hand froze before it reached the shirt you were looking for 

you gulped feeling hurt , you didn’t want him to be here now 

“what do you want you coldly said without turning to him but that didn’t stop him from hugging your back  you bit your lips thinking of him sucking your skin the time his chin rested there on your shoulder 

“you said you want to go out let’s go now he said still hugging you

“i’m tired let’s do it an other time jungkook “you coldly replied him and he smirked gently kissed your neck up to your ear 

“you will regret refusing going out with me ,he said while every time trailing kisses in your skin 

you tried to get your self together and turned to him 

“what do you think i will really get mad or jealous if you just went out without me !!”you yelled eyes like blood shoot but your reaction never hit him he stood there looking really cool your way to argue with him was cute and sexy at the same time 

jungkook’s hands suddenly grabbed your towel and you gasped following his hand that grabbed it tightly until you stuck in his chest , you tried to make it steady even you were blushing hard but you didn’t want to lose in front of his eager yes 

“aren’t you going to get jealous when i will come home late drunk and full of women fragrance ? you know they could do a lot for a man like me 

trying not to cry you struggled to free your self hitting his chest “let me go i need to change and sleep 

“tell me he said gripping you more 

“i will not be ,you know i never got jealous about you before and you know literally why we got married so why would i you spat trying to be the winner out of this fray 

jungkook looked deeply in your eyes it was the first time you couldn’t read them his eyes were dark 

“good to hear that “he said loosening his grip around your waist and you gripped the towel feeling cold “is it ok with you knowing that i’m fucking an other woman?” he said staring in your eyes but you turned again to bring clothes you need neglecting him the tears were threatening you to fall but you fought them when a cold soft material touched your collar bone your eyes widened and you looked again to the necklace jungkook bought earlier 

oh shit it was a fucking joke was he trying to test you 

“wear a nice dress and come down stairs my parents are waiting for us 

before you could protest jungkook was out and you didn’t wait so long to choose a dress and to dry your hair 

you ran the stairs going straight to the dinning room 

your mother in low was saying how much pretty you were but all you were focusing with was your quiet husband eating his dinner calmly he didn’t even look at you

-

both your parents in low went out after dinner for a date you chuckled seeing your mother in low wearing her elegant coat and cloves ,god she was gorgeous and you were finally alone with jungkook now 

he was planning to leave the room when you blocked his way looking deeply in his orbs you saw him standing there his lips were kissable and his chest was calling you to rest your head on it and that was what you did 

you stepped toward him and hugged him and you felt his hand circling your waist 

“thank you “

jungkook chuckled “i’m sorry because i teased you i was just planning to let you know that it’s ok to get any thing you want you’re not any girl ,you’re jeon jungkook’s girl 

“i don’t need fancy things you whispered 

“i know jungkook said and stopped his thoughts dragged him to the first period he knew you you looked really elegant and classy , you never asked him for a car or any thing for some reasons he wished that so he will treat you well but that was never your goal and jungkook knew that 

“what about a movie night ?” he suggested and you looked happily meeting his eyes, you  nodded and hurried to choose something while jungkook brought the drinks and headed to your shared room 

-

“i’m coming tomorrow “

your eyes popped out and you quickly deleted the  text you received from Namjoon 

you hated him and you didn’t know how to get out of this trouble now you looked again to the other side where jungkook was sleeping soundly 

it was 6 am and you couldn’t now do any thing ,you panicked thinking of what could he do 

leaning on and hugged junkook again you closed your eyes and felt a heart ache ,he can’t say the truth to jungkook can he? he can’t deprive you from this bless ;opening your eyes every morning to see this beauty and kiss him no no no

jungkook felt how much your body was rigid and he blinked lazily 

“what’s the mutter baby? he hissed his voice still raspy and you just hugged him tighter 

“jungkook even if something happened please don’t hate me “

“what’s happening in the morning he checked his phone “it’s fucking early !! y/N did you see a nightmare  

you gulped trying to cover your self as you were only wearing a bra 

“yeah it was a bad nightmare “

-

jungkook was supposing to be at his office the whole day so you didn’t have any difficult to try talk to your ex you wanted to let him know that you will give him the papers but he needed to promise that he will never try hurt jungkook again but Namjoon giggled he was an evil why the hell you trusted him before 

fuck you cursed and threw your phone away 

jungkook called you several times to inform you he will be out in a work trip for tonight but you didn’t hear so he just left you a text that you saw when you checked your phone later

“good it’s better that he will not be here while Namjoon is coming shit!! what kind of coincidence is this!!

“let’s meet at my place “ it was namjoon next text and you were frozen but you couldn’t refuse it will be safe seeing him there 

driving your car to your old place  you took files Namjoon needed and you decided to make some deals with him ,well even he will say yes you weren’t ready to give up so you just hided some information he had to pay for what he did 

it was 8 pm and all you told your mother in law was you had to stay in your other home the one you and kook use and she didn’t say no 

you lied telling her you needed to work and asked her to tell jungkook if he called 

Namjoon was wearing a black long coat and his hair color was little bit different 

he looked hot and manly as usual but for you nothing was special in him he wasn’t jungkook...

“long time no see baby “

“this is the files you need take them and please go “ you said and  he giggled loudly 

“are you telling me to get out of my own apartment !! nice try i like your protective personality when it comes to your beloved ones 

“ you know what i mean oppa ! 

“it’s great you remember i’m oppa to you and you didn’t even give oppa a welcome kiss he said stepping towards you you weren’t a good fighter 

“do you think jungkook will let you as his wife when he found out you are the one who ruined him?

“it’s not your business “

“how come when i’m preparing a nice castle for you in america waiting you to finish this shit and just come back to me huh!!”

you stepped back until your feet touched the bed “stop there !! you yelled 

“well i’m not planning to do it tonight as i have an important meeting but we will have fun next time ok 

“what about jungkook you whispered and he just sat next to you on his bed “well baby , he stopped to get a cigarette and he started “i can promise you to let him alive if you left him immediately 

you gulped feeling dizzy you never liked smoking smell “give me time “

“deal i’m going now see you later ..aah California it’s where the castle is he said and left you 

hugging your legs to your chest  you sobbed loudly feeling hurt you loved jungkook so much he was the best with you he treated you like a woman 

your fingers ran to touch the necklace and you sobbed hard you need to left him so he will be safe 

tired dizzy and sad you slept hugging your self until you heard a furious knocks in the door and you immediately jumped hearing the familiar voice

you opened the door and jungkook pushed you in he was fucking angry you even didn’t see this side of him before he was know as a cold man

“why are you here ?you innocently asked and he stopped looking at you 

“what did you think i’m spending the night outside so you can do whatever you want here ??

you backed up eyes widened “i .. i came here to take something and i felt asleep i wasn’t planning to stay ? is this why are you angry you lied and hurried to the room searching for your phone 

“let’s leave if you want”

  jungkook didn’t hear you as his eyes fixed on the bed you looked where he looked and you didn’t understand until you saw him picking up something and you chugged

“it was Namjoon golden lighter!! shit you cursed

“jungkook you whispered “

“did you have a good time ?”jungkook asked and you were frozen and tired already 

“i’m fucking asking you?? since when Kim Namjoon was here? 

you gasped , suddenly the air was thick and your lungs stopped exchanging oxygen

“h..how do you know him?? 

jungkook smirked “i know every thing since you came to my office that day 

and i waited you to change but i think you were that kind of bitches who only run after money ,i know that jerk never forget that i beat him in every thing he hated me since we were in the same college ; he was smart but i was golden he hated me and hated seeing me getting better scores in every thing  and you were helping him to ruin me and even i found out i married you because i wanted to give you a chance because i felt something towards you but you don’t deserve any thing y/N , i was expecting you stabbing my back any way why would i feel chocked now!! 

you didn’t spell out any damn word you kept tearing up chock growing up more in your mind 

“it’s over y/N, you can come home to get back your things you don’t have to worry i will not be there “ jungkook said smirking smugly throwing the lighter in your face “take it maybe it will wipe your fake tears 

the door shut finally and you fell down your tears were over you couldn’t even cry more 

“it was over jungkook has gone ...

someone give me cold water please

[aurimeanswind]

2016: A Year of Experiences

Originally, I wanted to close out 2016 with a personal essay, much like I did with 2015. What I was writing turned into this weirdly spiteful representation of my creative frustrations opening and screaming to the heavens, and as much as I like it, to some degree, it’s also weirdly rant-y. It seems angrier than I feel, and I don’t know if it’s a proper way to start off a fresh, new year. I continued to chip away at it, but sitting here, on the tail end of recording all of the game of the year content, I want to change it. I want to scrap it and start from the beginning. My next personal essay will come, and it will in some way be loosely based on what I had written, but I don’t think that spiteful piece is what I want to put out there as my ending note to 2016, which comes very late only because of how unendingly busy I’ve been for the last few weeks. I want this final thing to be relatively polished, and positive.

I know 2016 was a rough year for us all. Whether someone you respect in an artform was taken from the world, you went through incredible prejudice or like... you lived in the United States or Great Britain, it was a rough spot. I can��t ignore that. I can’t put blinders over that and not address the trials and tribulations and instead focus on the positives in my life. It was a bad year, I think, in general for humans, for people, and for the rights of diversity.

Instead, I want to focus on a handful of experiences I went through that enriched my life. Experiences and meetings and time spent amongst friends that made my year, overall, a ‘banger’, so to speak.

Let’s start from the beginning

PAX East 2016

For people who don’t know, PAX East is my favorite show. My favorite industry event. Full stop. It’s amazing. Even more so that E3 now, which I’ll say I have not attended in person, but PAX is this community, friendly show that I just love, and my one trip to PAX West didn’t stick with me nearly as much. And so: PAX East is the best. Always where my heart is.

But something awful happened last year: I didn’t manage to make it to PAX East for the first time in four years. I missed PAX East 2015 and it really broke my heart. Spun me into a bad depression. I was absolutely not letting it happen again this year. I made the magic happen, got the money together, and even though there was a compromise, I got myself and my cohost Tony Horvath to PAX East 2016.

That compromise, you presumably ask? Well, it was sharing the hotel room we were in with 10 other people. Yes, 10 other people, all (save for one) from the Kinda Funny community, which after Kinda Funny Live has become my psuedo Internet family, which is uh... Well, it’s a lot of people for a small, two-bed bedroom. Yes, myself, Tony, Trevor, Xyger, Kaylie, Sean, Fred, Jack, Vicki, Joe and Karyssa all squished ourselves into one room. We became The PAX11. And ya know what, for all the rough edges to that situation, and the sleep-deprivation that came from sleeping on some real shitty flooring, it was so much goddamn fun that I don’t regret it.

Jackie T here. @ALFighter27 looks like a piece of artwork. Like a Greek God chiseled out of the palest substance. pic.twitter.com/DS251Kyt0n

— Fred Sullivan (@Fred_Sully) April 23, 2016

Note that in this absurd picture above, I am holding my inhaler in my hand because I was laughing so hard from our absurd, Kinda Funny-esque Jack “Jackie T” Tretton impression that I desperately needed it.

The show also serves as one of the hardest working shows I have ever worked. I’ve only ever really worked PAXs, but being the only one writing for this PAX East, I put in the work. My year off had spurned me to kick things into high gear, pumping out multiple previews and pushing more for that dream I still find myself chasing. Trevor Starkey and I shared a beautiful moonlit night at the IGN party, talking, connecting, and getting totally drunk, making Trevor one of few internet friends to see me truly cranked out of my mind. That, I think, was our biggest bonding moment, walking deliriously back to the hotel after drinking our fill and having a great time hanging with our industry friends.

That dude is really great.

May Madness - Dinner First

May was a really busy month for me. Coming off of PAX, I was hungry for another opportunity to network, to see my internet friends, and to reconnect with all the lovelies out there that I dearly missed.

But something happened just before I’d ship off to San Francisco for Kinda Funny Live 2, a week away with some of my favorite people. Greg Miller was on a stealth trip to Baltimore Maryland to see a developer, and after putting the callout on Twitter asking what the good spots to eat in the Maryland area were. After some quick DMs, we had a dinner date to eat at my favorite restaurant in Baltimore, The Woodberry Kitchen.

Even showing up dressed as nicely as I could was a weird experience. Seeing Greg Miller in Maryland just in general was a weird experience. And then the three and a half to four hours we spent talking over dinner and dessert, about just everything from family, to the industry, to Kinda Funny, to what I could do to break into the industry to... Well, everything. It was the moment we really clicked together as friends and hit it off, and for me, it’s probably the best night of my life. It’s a weird thing to say, especially considering he may read this at some point, but the dude really inspired me get out there and pursue doing something I love. He is a force of positivity in my life and I really love the guy; he’s an inspiration, not just to me, but to over a hundred-thousand others.

Had a lovely dinner with @alfighter27. He's good people and will be a name in games... whatever you call this. So, follow now. #groundfloor

A photo posted by Greg Miller (@gameovergreggy) on May 20, 2016 at 7:58pm PDT

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https://www.instagram.com/p/BFp0PfcnuWP/

I could go on and on about the night, but I don’t want to belabor the point: Greg Miller is an amazing dude and friend, and I love him to death.

May Madness - Kinda Funny Live 2

I don’t know what else there is to say about Kinda Funny Live 2. It was one of the high points of my entire being, mostly because I got to spend a week in the city I’d like to move to, I get to stay with Barrett Courtney and Alyssa Shimoda, two people I very much consider family, and I got to spend a week with my second family.

Seriously, shoutout to Barrett and Alyssa. I think it’s generally a rare occurrence to meet someone and have immediate chemistry with them. I’m lucky to say I have a great number of those people in my life, Barrett being one of them. The first time I met him I liked him, even if he thinks he didn’t leave a massive impression on me. He’s smart, and well spoken, and really needs to stop smoking cigarettes. Alyssa: all the same. She, too, welcomed me into her home, and we bonded over the important things: cats and Harry Potter. These two were a highlight of the weekend.

And Tom Hawkins. Who I love. I mean jesus christ.

I just want someone to look at me the way @TomHawkin5 looks at @ALFighter27 pic.twitter.com/niCwd4HyBR

— Sean🌪 (@SeanTwisters) May 28, 2016

Look at this. I love this man. He loves me. It’s just meant to be.

I could name limitless people I spent time with at Kinda Funny Live 2. It was an amazing weekend. And I can’t take the people that made it for me enough.

Friendly Visits - Brandt Ranj

Greg Miller wasn’t the only friend to swing into town last year though. Best friend and fellow Breakfast Bandit Brandt Ranj also did. He’s another character that I just talked to, and immediately bonded with. Sure, it may have been our mutual love of Majora’s Mask that did it, but Brandt’s two visits to my homeland this year, in June and again in October, were two very high highlights of my year.

Brandt is that special character that just brings out the best of me. Whether it's his grounded look at the world, his worldly perspective he has from all the traveling he’s done, his work ethic, or his sheer mentor-like guidance and confidence in me, or some culmination of all the above, he’s just a beacon of strength for me in my personal life. I can’t say enough good things about him, and I’m so glad him and I will be continuing our weird Waffles vs. Pancakes podcast in 2017.

Friendly Visits - Roger Pokorny

Oh and Roger Pokorny, student of the hip-hop arts came to Maryland too. How crazy is that! This 17 year old kid road a bus down from Long Island to spend a few days with me, which we spent playing Batman Arkham Asylum (his favorite game) and listening to Hamilton. Another human I have that immediate and innate bond with, I fucking love Roger Pokorny.

What’s terrifying is him and I are generally the exact same person, he’s just more hip than me. And way cooler.

I adore that kid. He called me his mentor and I almost cried. My bond with him is one of the strongest I’ve been able to cultivate in 2016, and I can’t wait to see all the cool stuff he does. He’s really one of the most talented people I know, and even though he hates the pressure it puts on him, I know he’s just going to get better as time goes on.

Him and I suffer from a very similar flair of self-doubt I think, and I hope he knows the belief he feels for me I reflect back to him tenfold. He’s gonna kill it.

As a young man myself, it's rare to find youth so charming and humbling. @rogformer is a delightful person, someone who even called me his "mentor", which is insane, and I had the pleasure to spend the whole weekend with him making cool things. This kid is 17 and reminds me in almost every way of myself. I adore him, and am lucky to know someone so talented and funny and kind. He is gonna take over the world some day, and hopefully he doesn't fire me when he does. All the <3 Roger. #groundfloor #rogformeroftheinternet #irrationalpassions

A photo posted by Alex O'Neill (@alfighter27) on Aug 14, 2016 at 2:06pm PDT

Podcast Half-Time

Remember when I mentioned Trevor Starkey? Yeah, well decided to go along with the bit and have me on as his first ever guest on Trove Talk, his podcast he launched this year. God knows why, but it’s a fun little origin story.

I always get so embarrassed when I see myself on other podcasts. You know the one way you can tell I’m nervous? I exaggerate everything. I exaggerated a few things of my origin throughout this episode, and I feel so embarrassed about it. But I was nervous! Honest! Especially being the first guest on a podcast. I just get all self-conscious and exaggerate little details because I think I need to sound better or else I’ll look lame. But it evens out after I get in the groove of things.

Trevor is an amazing friend and a fun interviewer, just because he genuinely is curious about his subject, and always digs deeper on Trove Talk. It’s a show worth listening to.

Oh and my boy Cameron Abbott? Yeah, he made me be the first guest on his podcast too. Again, I don’t know why, but you can see my debut on the Knotty Gamers Podcast as well, and I appeared on a little .5 interlude podcast too.

I love Cameron, and it's an honor to be welcomed so open-armed onto so many podcasts. I will say, if there is one thing I feel confident in my ability to do, it’s to podcast. I can do the hell out of that one thing for sure.

ExtraFunLife

So ExtraLife was weird this year, huh? I mean, a bunch of people flew from all over the country to come hangout with us for it. I plan on getting the archive videos up for it at some point this month, I just have a lot of other video stuffs to work through as well.

But man. I don’t know why Joe, Tyrone, Danny, Andrew or Damien flew across the country to hangout for Irrational Passions ExtraLife 2016, or why Justin, Jarrett, John or Troll drove all the way to maryland for it, but good Christ was it a good time. We made a paint can, we raised a bunch of money for kids, I ate a habanero, put some amiibo in my mouth, and Daniel Juarez nearly murdered Tony live on camera because of a Destiny raid. So uh... It was a good time!

Seriously though, it was a blast, and hearing all the people that want to come to ExtraLife THIS year tells me... Well, it tells me we’re gonna need a big space.

PSX And Family

Then, since this wasn’t already an eventful enough year, my Internet family had to go and do the incredible: they had to split-fare my way from Maryland to Anaheim for the PlayStation Experience 2016.

Danny Juarez really came through for me. Ya know, I’ve talked a lot about special people with a special chemistry, and Danny is another person I count amongst that. It’s almost not fair. In fact, it’s actively not fair, that I get to have all these people that I understand. That I think understand me, or at least a part of me.

It’s really hard for me to be close to someone. I have so much self-doubt and self-hate in me that it’s sometimes too overwhelming and all-encompassing to really trust some of my friends. Just about everyone I’ve mentioned in this post gets past that though. They get me. And I’m so thankful for that.

Because of Danny and a select group of amazing people, I got to go to PSX. Though I think there was more of a cloud of discomfort over that event than most others, I still got to spend a great deal of time and truly bond with Danny, someone I absolutely love and am privileged to consider a close friend. We got to share dark truths and my discomforting feelings about the videogames industry drunk in our shared bed on the first night of PSX, and that’s one of the biggest highlights of the weekend for me.

I can’t thank that family enough, for letting me stay with them, to Griffin, Nick, Steven, Damien and Danny, and also the people they chipped into to help me fly to PSX. I mean fuck, Brandt Ranj contributed and he didn’t even go to PSX! He just wanted me there! That sly fuck.

In Short

2016 was a fucked up year. All these great experiences tell me two things: I live my life with an enormous privilege. That I get it easy because I have many who love and support me where a lot of others can’t say the same. I’m so lucky. I’m so thankful.

And the other thing is I have the best internet family of anyone out there. These aren’t just my “internet friends”, these are my friends. My family.

You guys are my rock.

And the third thing I take from all of this: I gotta work even harder to earn this love and respect. To earn making my dreams happen. To get there. Because if so many people believe in me, so many great people, you sure as shit know I’m not gonna let them down.

[royalblurryfacedbastard]

So yesterday was okay but also not.

I didn’t sleep the night before but decided to go w my dad into town anyway, I hung out with E there and just kinda decided to have a little get-together/party with some people. My dad was mad about it but let us do it anyway.

It was really nice and we did drinking games and stuff, what got bad quickly tho was the general vibe bc of this couple we drink with sometimes. The girl is fucking mental and acts so rude and mean and bad toward the guy.

Anyway, other than that it was nice. I had a huge headache because I was sleep-deprived and drunk. I told E she and FB had to sleep in my room because I wanted my parents’ room to myself (I’ve lived in there for a week and I feel comfortable in there, and I wanted peace and quiet bc of my sleep derivation). We fought bc of that and she called me selfish and that we shouldn’t talk anymore then and etc. I said I was the one who got to decide who slept fucking where tho since it’s my house so yeah. I got the room to myself. Idfk if she like went and ruined my whole bedroom after that cuz someone was upstairs stomping around. I didn’t care though and I still don’t. I got a small anxiety attack though over something else so that wasn’t fun.

Then I woke up an hour after falling asleep to the loudest fucking thunderstorm. I’m usually very scared of stuff like that and I was then, it was just weird how loud it was though. I downloaded this thunder app that shows where the lightning has hit recently which calmed me down rly well, and then I fell asleep again.

I’ve been in my parents’s bedroom all day because I told my dad yesterday via text that I’m giving up on things bc everything is useless and hopeless anyway, and he said that worried him but I still feel that way and that’s how it is. I decided to just not use my social media for a while (except tumblr and Twitter) bc I don’t wanna talk to anyone. I don’t know how long that’ll last but all-in-all it’s made my day more peaceful. The pressure of having to talk to people affects me a lot, so NOT having to do that has felt p nice. Like I said idk how long it’ll last but it’s been nice so far.

I guess I should feel more bad about my fight w E but I don’t have the energy to care. Everything feels generally bad and hopeless atm and I don’t have the energy to care about anything other than the things that make me feel at least somewhat good. Those things being sleep, video games, my interests, etc. So I’m gonna spend time on that for a while.