#I’m joking there’s a lot but yknow
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UGH. It’s this OLD FART’S birthday /aff
But it also means it’s these guys birthday so all is good 😊
29 years and 9 Thingamjigs. Yes…. They’re all my ocs…. I’ll see myself out now……
Anyway thanks for existing so I can make ocs inspired by you that I like more than you <3
#only ogs can name all of them 😎#I’m joking there’s a lot but yknow#I may do something like this next year but with others ocs#idk it depends if I’ll even like gayman that long#rayman#fanart#digital art#rayman fanart#ocs#original character art#oc art#original character#rayman oc#rayman origins#rayman legends#Rayven#Tempast#Raypast#Raynotaur#Rayman Moth#Straytus#Raypookie#Raytic#Rauman5#rayman games#birthday#anniversary#happy anniversary#I love them all actually they are all very dear to me#and Rayman ig 😑
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RECIPE OF THE DAY
[OR: This was the most upsetting alternate looper option]
Long post because i have been cooking this in my brain for like, two months, and it's all-consuming. Also I'm not in the Discord yet because Anxiety so my ramblings had to go somewhere, and what better than one big fucking post yknow. I cast spell of fuck you mind blast on the tag/lh /j
TLDR for below: Siffrin words his wish differently, Bonnie gets trapped in a time-loop, and despite saying they're in a timeloop repeatedly nothing works and no one can help them. The normal ISAT absolute horrors ensue.
CONTENT WARNINGS: the normal ISAT tags [death, violence and trauma, suicide, self harm and unreality], Notable Pin on child endangerment and death, poisoning.
most of these get discussed ^ even if shortly
SO. THIS AU.
This is it this is my big one. Ignore me pushing the literal 12 other isat aus I have into a pile pls this is THE big one. I’m looking at the note I’ve stored all this lore in on my notes app,and it’s like. 35 fucking pages?
I've looked at a ton of alternate looper aus [that's part of the hyperfixation babeyyyy I need to consume ALL content forever and ever and ever] and I was like “oohhhh I wanna do that!!” So I literally just listened to music until I caught an idea and yikes. Looking at the AUs playlist now [it’s about 100 songs! Oops!] and I’m like [cartoony image of me laying face first on the floor]
This is a bit scattered because I wrote it over 3 days instead of working on the fic I’m supposed to be writing ooopsieeeee. Ramblings belowvvvvvvvvvv
It begins as simply as the game does. No one knows how to wish properly; so Siffrin wishes, because they know how to. The same folded leaf, repeated three times wish. Close to what is said in canon; different enough for the Universe to read it differently. No longer does Siffrin loop, because the wish isn’t about him, it’s about Bonnie and their sister. Siffrin’s wish is construed as “I wish Bonnie’s wish would come true,” and even if the Universe can’t hold onto Bonnie’s wish as they did it wrong, it CAN hold onto Siffrin’s.
And that’s the base point: EVERY LOOP, Siffrin wishes, because he wishes after he talks to them and that's where they loop back to, and its wish craft goes to Bonnie. A recipe for disaster with how much time they have!
They loop back when Siffrin gets crushed by the rock, because they can’t win while being down a party member. When they touch a tear, or when the sadnesses get the jump on the party and they all go down, or when they use the dagger equivalent [a poisoned snack], or when they get to the King. They Never Beat The King. Think SASASAaP but ISAT.
Bonnie doesn’t fight with craft, but rather craft-infused weapons. The wok and their pan for rock, a pair of kitchen shears for scissors and a cookbook for paper. Snacks for healing and buffs. And they have a cool friend that lives in the favor tree! [they get in fistfights like every five loops. Maybe it would be funny, someone just as willing to spar with them instead of trying to find the right words they can’t find because they’re a kid, if their friend wasn’t ALSO another version of themself, which bonnie clocks pretty late.] They pick up little quirks from their friends, like biting their nails like Belle, and puffing up to look bigger like Isa and stealing Dile's curses and closing an eye to match Frin's in focus. And maybe they start forgetting a little bit, just a little! The same thing over and over will get to you.
So everything essentially boils down to this. Bonnie specifically needs to be strong enough to beat the King, as the rest of the party doesn’t keep experience through loops. For a good chunk of the loops, they take advantage of Siffrin asking them if they need help and drag him into a training lesson that slowly goes from a whole emotional conversation to them quietly listening to Siffrin’s every word. [Siffrin fills this silence with random star facts that pop into their mind. This Is Important It WILL Be On The Test] Eventually the training becomes too tedious, so they start sneaking off to go fight sadnesses— and eventually just punch trees, which busts their knuckles— to get stronger faster! Everything goes downhill from there, with them forgetting to make food to them sneaking out at night to fight more to them getting reckless and uncaring; it snowballs down into “oh this could be considered suicidal confidence”.
Every loop, you say "hey, I'm trapped in a time loop", and EVERY time it is a big emotional thing that exhausts you to the point of going to bed immediately after, and everyone gets antsy and worried, and in the end the anxiety and trouble NEVER ends up mattering because the King still flattens the party every time. [And (shuffling through the sea of my notes for the au), imagine this from their situation for a second; Today, you tell your friends you are trapped in a time loop. They drag you into a long, uncomfortable conversation that makes you cry, and you go to bed with a full stomach and the knowledge they will protect you, and you will protect them. You make sure he doesn't get squashed by a boulder, you make sure they find the key, you make sure they don't die. Tomorrow, you will tell your friends you are trapped in a time loop. They will drag you into a long, uncomfortable conversation that will make you cry, and you will go to bed with a full stomach and the knowledge they've failed to protect you, but they're trying this loop, and you'll still protect them anyway.]
And then the King fight. He grabs them and he kills them and it fucks them up. [it fucks them up, until it too happens again and again, and eventually it simply is just another obstacle you must pass, because the second his stupid hand wraps around you like a ragdoll it’s over, so you just spit in his face to make him press the trigger immediately and not drag it out for forever- imagine the most traumatic event in your entire life, repeated over and over, until it looses all meaning. It’s still traumatic, it’s sewn into your brain forever you will never forget this.]
They tell the party ‘hey, I just got murdered’, and if this au was ISAT, it would go from having a memory that gave everyone a defense buff to a memory that literally stops you from winning, randomly attaching to a party member. You couldn’t get rid of it. They’d take every hit for you, and you’d have to loop back, because you couldn’t win with an unremovable memory like that. and that’s why they stop saying things, because if the people you loved would die to protect you, something you don’t want and have the ability to stop, would you stop them?
And so everything collapses, and from that point [the start of act 4] it collapses fast.
WHICH LEADS US TO ENDLESS MY FAVORITE LITTLE THANG
if this is transparent or not I don’t fucking know and honestly. After 2 hours of fighting ibisPaint X to make it transparent I stopped caring. o7
Slight design notes tangent: the fucking. Wispy things around their limbs just kinda move around them- yknow because black holes pull things in and they are one. Their like,,,, face spike design??? Question mark on what 2 call it? It’s designed to look like their hair lol. The little star-dot things on their knuckles are important smile. Eventually I’ll post a full thing 4 them (I have like 2 pages of random doodles of them it’s craaazy)
Endless (or Ness, later on) is Bonnie’s loop-alike. They’re a little angry hater and I based them on the song Black Hole Sun [therefore they double-dip in the space theming, the little scoundrel! Imagine being both a black hole and a partial eclipse!! Damn why you taking all the space theming for!!] which was the song the whole AU was based on! Woah! Damn you carrying ALL the out of AU lore in you! They’re anger over fear while Bonnie is fear over anger.
They make me SO fucking upset. Like. I’m not being funny anymore. This is THE most upsetting character I’ve ever written. They make me cry. My entire schtik is making horror and this little creature is the most upset I've ever been at a creation of mine.
Endless is a Bonnie who, without exaggerating, literally imploded from having too much wish craft in them— hence the black hole theme. They went through an unreasonable amount of loops [i think I noted down 400??? Probably not that many, but hey, leveling is slow when half the time you rely on a scripted event that has like 3 enemies. Never really pinned anything down, but it’s a CRAZY upsetting amount.] and just couldn’t win,, and they eventually broke, and begged for it to stop— and, well, with so much wish craft in them, even without the proper rituals the Universe just couldn’t ignore ALL this wish craft, overflowing, in one spot. They asked for help and it killed them.
And then they were at the tree! And they’re helping a DIFFERENT Bonnie, who they’re upset at because what. What why is this happening? They asked for it to stop, not for a whole NEW Bonnie to exist and to do it all over again, what is this what, stop stop it. And they have to keep watching Siffrin wish, and doom them to their endless loop, and they have to tell Bonnie no, the party can’t help them like they want the party to do because the party never could help them, and it’s just going to bring them distress and heartache. Bonnie does it anyways, until the very beginning of act 4: it goes downhill from there, until they’re worried This Bonnie will end up like THEM.
They’re not the most self-confident type. They give themself the most un-nicknameable name [Bonnie still finds one that fits— Ness. They reluctantly accept it.] [Endless vc: Ness? Like? From Earthbound???] they can think of because nicknames are a love language and they speak it, and they don't think they deserve it anymore because they've Changed, and trade out the nicknames they have for the party for things they learned from Siffrin in their own many many training loops: The Sun, The Moon, The Star, The Sky, and Bonnie is Supernova, because its cool as hell and Siffrin told them that’s what happens when a star dies, and they died. Open foreshadowing. They take to closing the same eye they made Siffrin the Star loose, because if he doesn’t get to see anymore neither should they— even if that eventually becomes a natural thing, something they do now to focus. They talk about a sister they have— had, because their world is gone and she never got unfrozen, they never learned if she was alive under all that icy craft or not, and they’re not Bonnie anymore. Ness is Bonnie, but Bonnie is not Ness.
And so, when act 5 hits, they’re desperate. They can’t see it happen again, because it erased them as a person and it was terrifying enough why would you want to see it happen again? they prepare to storm the house, bevause theyre strong enough to tear it apart themself, get stopped by the party, and essentially they’ve replaced Bonnie for a loop; which would be okay, if failing didn’t mean there would probably be Two Endlesses and No Bonnie’s. By the end of the au, Bonnie, lvl 99, is like bringing a brick to a stare down. Endless, in comparison, is like bringing a bazooka to a fistfight. They can’t face the King, they can’t, it would probably mess something up [the party has them pinned as being a kid by this point— wether they realise Ness acts a lot like Bonnie or not, who knows] so they panic and wave the party off into the King’s room and fights off the remaining sadnesses to calm down.
And the Party brings Bonnie down, and they fight a fake version of their sister [who they win against, even if barely, because Nille is their sister and damnit, Nille would never hurt them, not after giving up her life for them] and they have a breakdown, and then there's two of them. There's Bonnie and there's Ness. Bonnie confronts them and they get in ANOTHER fistfight, bveause how else would two angry ultra-powerful preteens settle things, and Bonnie convinces them to come along, because their identity has been found out and damnit Nille really won't care, Ness is her sibling too.
[Nille approaches the situation carefully, but Bonnie is right: Nille sees the two of them and immediately decides she has two siblings and she wants to protect them. Both of them went through so, so much, and they saved the country and damnit it would be monstrous to throw Ness out to the wolves because they Changed. Aka I was physically incapable of letting Ness dissapear or have a bad ending they deserve the world too.]
I just I jsutt. Auguhghghghhh. au too big in my brain spill it out on the floor it goes everywhere. When you hyperfix on your own au
#isat#in stars and time#isat au#isat bonnie#<- this is abt them. uh oh.#recipe of the day#anyways the au title is based on a shitty joke I made once#also “”’hey chef what’s for dinner? slop! slime!’#something something the recipe of the day is timeloop soup. yknow. a timeloop au. and soup…….#who let me in the kitchen. someone take me out before I burn the place down#I have. so many thoughts about this au#most of which boil down to me screaming and crying#I know there are multiple other AUs where Bonnie loops but counterpoint#has an alt looper au ever not had the looper wish?#[pushing divine intervention behind me. no that does not exist in this question]#I really like twisting au tropes on their heads :)#‘I don’t want to tread on other ppls ideas’ handshake ‘three month au hyperfix lets fucking go let’s yap’#they can and will coexist heart emoji.#I think about this au a lot. I’m cooking so much art#(yknow. aside from being the worlds slowest artist. oop)#I’ll prob post abt it every now and then (aka when I finish the fucking art)#but for now. laying my au cards down#endless is my favorite little being ever rn they’re such a little hater
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no offense but i think when critiquing jay’s (and let’s be real all of the OG four ninja’s) behavior in the pilots and early seasons, a lot of people ignore that the cultural context and attitude about misogyny and especially misogyny in children’s media is VERY different today than it was in the late 2000s/early 2010s
#not saying it’s great but lots of the shit early seasons jay gets flack for was standard for male protags. ESPECIALLY if part of the plot#was *them unlearning it*. yknow. what they were trying to show with the resolution of the sam x arc#i’m not saying they did it really well but the cultural attitudes in the US about gender have VASTLY changed since 2011#like when the netflix show cut sokka’s misogynistic jokes everyone was upset that they were taking away a character growth moment .#not saying ninjago has equivalent writing quality *but* those storylines come from the same cultural narrative that was prevalent at the ti#time. guy character flirts with girl -> doubts her abilities -> doesn’t believe she is actually as skilled when she gets her overblown#Girlboss Moment -> awkward reconciliation bc all these plots were written by middle ages men who haven’t been teenagers since the 80s#text✨#ninjago#ninjago was very firmly a boy’s show. it had consequences. and like… just in general you gotta take the context that story choices were#made in into account#okay thanks for reading the ramble 👍 jay rose early seasons enjoyer (with caveats) strikes again#i’m running on four hrs of sleep before a long work day gurantee i’ll reread this in 12 hrs and find seven mistakes
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i got your back, if you got mine
a bunch of doodles about an idea of mine
#my art#ieytd#i expect you to die#agent phoenix#roxana prism#basically by sheer chance of luck prism finds herself at the doorstep of the phoenix#to where they take her in and hang out for a month or two#they get to learn. more about one another#humanizing the phoenix in a sense#get closer yknow#and do home brain surgery (half)joke#i’m bad at explaining this but yknowww anyone can ask about :]]c#i also think rox would tap a lot which bothers phoenix Idk i’m dealing with the horrors(sounds i don’t like)#FORGOT TO SAY this is a fic i want to write. eventually#i Dont write though so we’ll see how it goes
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hey just a reminder that sometimes you have to accept that you’re going to have to have feelings without a filter, and you’re going to have to tell people that you care about them, and you’re going to have to start saying i love you. if you want affection and love and adoration you cannot close yourself off forever and ever. keep up your walls as you must to protect yourself but not forever. and if you feel like you can’t ever let them down then i’m sorry. i hope you find someone that makes you feel safe enough to start saying and feeling these things.
#lolaa.txt#little thing about emotions.#i’m not affectionate. not really.#im a deflector and i laugh off affection and love a lot#and all it has ever done for me is push away people who want to help me so so badly.#and it’s a slow change. slowwwww. the tiniest steps .#and i go back so often.#today my boyfriend said he missed me and that i was pretty when i woke up and i told him i was going to never speak to him again#because i cannot accept these things and it so so hard to say that i appreciate it#but i know i know he needs to hear it and he needs to feel appreciated yknow?#and im working on it im trying so hard#especially when you have been fucked over for saying your feelings in the past. it’s hard. it’s so hard. and i’m sorry#just. tell your friends you love them. tell people when you’re excited or happy.#smile when you get to do fun things. laugh at jokes! scream and yell and cry and hit things and grin and be out there#numbness will not fix what problems you have. it won’t.#it’s comfortable but you can’t have love without discomfort sometimes#sorry about all this i’m just . i’m having a bad day and it’s really hard today to be open to everyone#so this is my try#i am upset. and i miss my friends. and i love my mom and i am also mad at her because i am frustrated with the world right now.#and i am tired but because its tiring to force myself to exist and feel#i need to relearn how to be a child about it#and that’s okay#that’s all ; sorry for the long tags. thank you for being here
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ugh i feel so self conscious and paranoid bc of something that happened if sasha doesn’t win tonight i’m actually gonna stab my self or something i swear
#txt#like .. my gf was ignoring me all of fourth period today. the only class we have together#and during lunch she still jsut seemed . so uninterested? i guess? and didn’t seem to care abt anything i said#she just talked to her other friends the whole time during both class and lunch and it just makes me feel like. idk.#did she realize she doesn’t actually want to be with me? did i do something wrong? do her friends not like me??#j don’t know because her friends in fourth period haven’t ever really spoken to me but it’s like. idk. because i feel like a lot of people#in that class don’t like me. like i feel like a self centered bitch for saying it but i’m like#one of the only people who try in that class. yknow. do they hate me because of that? is it because i’m bad at talking to people?#is it because i’m very obviously queer? is it becuase i’m always either too quiet or too loud? is it because i’m fat? is it because#yeah.#i don’t know and she just hasn’t said anything fo me about plans or anything since she asked me out did she realize i’m going to be#so bad at being ina relationship. like this would be the first real actual thing and it’s just so hard for me to understand if#i did something wrong#and i’m worried becuase she did just get out of a bad situationship where they were fwb#and i don’t know if i’m ready for that yet. but she is because she already has and i don’t know how to feel abt that.#i just don’t understand why she asked me out is she gonna reveal in a week it was just a joke and i’m dumb for believing it#i don’t know i’m scared
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I’m going actually insane rn tbh
#i want to say something but I’m afraid I’ll look like an asshole#but idk…if you don’t get more sarcastic or joking commentary#or don’t really do analysis#I’m not sure you’ll enjoy this blog!#and I really really really don’t enjoy getting comments that basically amount to ‘HUH?’ or otherwise miss the point#i know I don’t HAVE to explain everything but then I feel guilty and obligated to and it’s just stressful esp when it was lighthearted#I’ve been getting a lot of comments on stuff where it feels like people are just confused by me? or not reading all of the post? and idk#what to do about that bc it does bother me tbh#i get notifications for it yknow#like I do like having people interact but only if it’s actually relevant you know#AUGHH this doesn’t make sense. i should’ve been an askblog tbh#I’m not anti comment just. pro comments being about the post#/not missing something that was already addressed#i don’t want to seem mean it’s just stressing the hell out of me lmao#like am I really this bad at explaining myself?#ugh. sorry guys just disregard this#i mean I’m pretty genuine irl so if you legit don’t understand something you can just send me an ask. you don’t have to bombard a post#i don’t want people to be confused I’m happy to explain it#you can also put commentary in tags#PLEASE DONT TAKE THIS SERIOSULY IM JUST TIRED#and not v good w people stuff#afraid I’ve been seeming bitchy today. no one said anything but I’m afraid#my post
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Waaahhh why is setting boundaries with people so fucking nerve wracking
#sunny speaks#vent#im not even gonna tell them like#now or anything#but I’m getting upset just thinking about it ;w;#cuz it’s like#my roommate keeps doing this thing#where he seems to get annoyed super easily by some of the stuff I say#which is me sometimes asking a stupid/obvious question#or stuff like that#but I can’t tell if he means it lightheartedly or not#because I feel bad for annoying him#but also he tells me that he enjoys being around me and thinks I’m interesting to be around#and he’s the type of person who would not lie about that#like if he genuinely thought I was annoying#then he just straight up wouldn’t hang out with me#or just tell me straight up#which I genuinely appreciate#but then when he like ‘snaps’ at me#it feels bad yknow?#cuz I care about my friends a lot#and care about what they think of me#but idk I’ll probably just talk to him about it next time I see him or next time it happens#because either way I’d like him to make it clear that he’s joking/not serious#or just be gentler if he is annoyed#idk what I really want tbh I just feel bad about it#I don’t want to lose him being honest with me#but again i just feel bad
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Idk how to explain it but the whole yn thing irks me so bad like. Even when it’s something that has racial connotations like the word ghetto or ratchet it’s all connotative and ig. Even tho it SHOULDNT be extended towards nonblacks in a way there’s still that illusion of ‘well we could be talking about anybody’ but the whole yn is literally saying ‘young black CHILD! BOY! TEENAGER!’ (Bc y’all forget) and having an entire set of racist stereotypes on that alone. Like ur literally saying I think this this and this about you on the basis that you’re Black and young idk it’s weird.
#nonblacks tbh don’t even read most of this#half joke or whatever but like#yknow.#it bothers me#and It’s like other black ppl saying ‘watch out for the yns’ little do you know YOURE the young nigga to ALL of them#if you’re not young then you’re an old nigga#like guys Can we be serious#IK ppl ignore the nuance behind the reclamation of the n word#but do we Not remember when black ppl would say you’re not a man you’re a nigga#or even hard r it#like don’t be a nigga be a proud strong member of society#this is giving that kind of#like You’re making a distinction that exists to nobody but yourself and hurting ur entire community in the process#well for the yn specifically I have complicated thoughts on the n word but like.#Im venting rn and those are noooot for online convos like idk#nobody really follows me but I got an anon over arcane so I don’t need to invite that into my life#omg i just realized I’ve been on tumblr forever and this is like my 5th account#y’all don’t get the context#i faced a lot of true vile racist vitriol a few years back#like someone tried to dox me and then quote Bob marley at me when I said white ppl don’t face racism im so deadass#is this why ppl think i make shit up like no I’m relatively young but I’ve been here longer than I should’ve and I’ve seen all that shit I’m#talking about#and Im only specifying that as like. the racism is not new and I feel like so many yt ppl just now seeing it act like it’s new#but ur fandom moms were calling black 14 year olds slaves over klance#It’s weird
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oh actually re: one of those last reblogs about a lot of people having the “idk I just go here” feelings about gender
I feel like I have that but still while being trans? like “i am Literally just Hanging Out” but also I know I’m definitely not a woman and am more closely aligned with men in terms of gender
but still at the end of the day i’m just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ a dude I guess
#shhh sharkie#it’s this like distinctive feeling cause I don’t feel a lot of connection to cis men#I feel a lot of connection to things typically associated with cis men but like. we’re not the same people yknow?#I joke that my gender is chivalry but like in a lot of cases it really is#I’m definitely not a woman and I’m maybe a man but no matter what I’m Helpful and Caring and Strong#returning to this to say#my gender is more Butch than Man does that make sense???#I joked with my friend about being a ‘carabiner queer’#my gender is more reliant on how other people need and percieve me if that makes sense
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Onto book number three
#shut it void#let’s just say I have a lot of talking points for No Coincidence and it’s gonna be an interesting script to write#if I remember Death A Life correctly too I’ll probably have a lot for it too#but I don’t think I’m gonna be able to joke around as much with this book as I know I’ll be able to No Coincidence or Goblin Mode#like I know it’s classified as a humor book but I remember it having some suuuuper heavy themes (obviously with the title but yknow)
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A list of things I’m frustrated by:
#1. my right skate won’t fucking tighten right it’s being stiff so I can’t skate properly again. they don’t fit right but I can’t do shit now#2. I’m not enjoying ice hockey as much right now bc of that and the people being. not annoying but. I’m disconnected from them#3. feeling disconnected from everything because of the residual barriers I put up but also the ones are just There bc of outside forces.#4. of them the disconnect that comes from not like loud music/crowds/drinking when you’re at uni.#5. the fact that the friends I have most access to I largely don’t like that much bc half are straight and southern and rich and annoying#6. the fact that a different group of friends basically just stopped talking to me and honestly didn’t really want me around that much anywa#7. the fact I don’t care that much about that. any of that. and I’m not Cool with not talking to them anymore but it’s just Happened yknow#8. the fact that’s a significant portion of the queer people I know here. and the others aren’t people I’m anywhere near as close to.#9. the way it’s my third year here and a bunch of people are graduating and opportunities to meet new people went to hell like two years ago#10. i Can meet new people and in fact am even now but everything is so much effort#11. how that’s probably how it’s gonna be the rest of my life bc being an adult sucks. I’ll get Maybe one more shot at meeting a bunch of#people quickly if I do a phd and move but that’s hellish for other reasons and I lose a lot in doing that. but I lose a lot no matter what#12. graduating sucks and so many of my friends are doing it this year. I’m not but next year will suck bc of flatmates and everyone missing#13. feeling on the edge of hockey friends bc they’re fucking hockey players and make dumb fucking jokes. and how I can’t do that#14. anxious isolated gay boy I was never gonna be cool with that and there was never any way I could’ve been on the team#15. the fact I decided not to go for the team partly bc of that and the fact I dont regret that decision. bc I like ice hockey but I couldnt#17. knowing the answers to most of my problems bc I’m at That point where I have the self awareness and maturity to some extent to see#exactly what’s going on and what’s up with it and the right way to go about things. and still feeling the fucking feelings anyway#18. the weird fucking position I occupy both w queerness and the north/south thing weirdly where I’m gay+northern + surrounded by Not#and neither feel like they belong to me. distinctly Other but not in the right way and both sides see that. always a little off#19. being socially aware enough to see exactly where things are awkward or done badly but not knowing in the moment how to make it Not#20. the way the shit The Asshole said abt my anxiety has stuck with me so much and I still think abt it all the time#21. the way he was my fucking first. a lot. and then did That to me and there’s been nobody since and that’s fine but see point 17#22. the way shit is slow to fade both with Him and current guy (very different things that are fading) even though both are fucking dumb#23. current guy being the fourth and should know bettering and knowing that’s bullshit too and I hate it. gonna start biting#24. not having the means time or opportunity to meet other people instead. and feeling dumb abt wanting to. and abt not doing some stuff#25. the fact this list is long enough that I’m gonna run out of tags and there’s still more but it’s 4am and I’m done#luke.txt#I’ll be fine once I’ve slept on it all. I should do something abt this probably but idk what right now and I should sleep mostly so. night!!
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tl;dr. op you’re so right. excuse my indulgently long stream of consciousness rant on your post.
god i have so many more thoughts to add. something i can’t stop THINKING about is the PAUSES and the TIMING and the LACK OF PAUSES!!!!! in moments where scary might’ve had a moment to genuinely open up and kind of unravel her mask and her defenses. they have moved on so fast! like that episode that ended with terry jr leaving, we all know that scary really meant the opposite — it was so clear in beth’s voice — and i so ravenously believe that if she’d had a little more time to really realize NO, she DOES care abt terry and she DOESNT want the last thing she says to him to be mean — maybe it would’ve been different!!!!! there’s another moment too but i can’t remember when it was — and then there’s times where i’ve been S C R E A M I N G at link and normal and taylor to slow down and not let the little chink in scary’s armor pass — like stop, and be vulnerable for REAL, not just expect her to share out of nowhere but really let the pauses sit, let the offer of shelter and trust linger in the air bc scary is a scared animal! she bites and claws you bc she doesn’t know you and she’s scared! she hasn’t learned that things can be another way yet and she’s terrified of getting hurt! and now she’s cornered! i really believe that scary is trying her hardest just like everyone else to find the right path forward—she turned for help to an adult she trusts 😔 and he killed a guy. is the weight of that death on scary’s shoulders? she let willy out. she told willy to kill him/asked willy to kill him. she knew what willy would do. but… she’s a teenager, and willy is literally like so old. soooooooooo old. her heart was in the right place, right? agh!!! i can’t say it was her fault! she’s a teen! she’s a traumatized teen! all her friends are traumatized too! they made her the leader but only when it was hard or not fun to be leader! they played so much d&d without her! also holy shit i feel that so deeply in my heart soooooo painfully every time i think about. like it’s funny and it was a GREAT bit and then they turned it into something that haunts me every day. scary had no idea how to play and she tried and she did it completely wrong but alsooooooo it was funny! wasn’t it still a little fun! idk! just like! she keeps being made the leader and she steps up and makes choices that seem good to her based on her knowledge and her past and the info she has and every time everyone’s like!!! no not like that! be the leader but don’t do that!! which is hard!! leading is hard for grown ass adults! harder still as teens! and also! the rest of the teens can and should be mad at her 💜 bc they’re kids too. what scary really needs is an adult who will love her unconditionally and can help her see what she’s doing—what’s happening, who can help her understand why she feels the way she does and help her understand why she keeps doing things the way she does and help her understand how her friends are reacting to her and help her make HER choices about how she wants to be and act, ,,,,,, idk someone like her MOM or TERRY would be GREAT!!!!!!!!! or WHATEVER!!!! you know what else i think about tho is that scary is literlaly exactly like terry 🥺 they’re both so/were so angry at their stepparent for the loss of their 1st parent and took it into themselves, internalized it as maybe their own fault, and now terry’s accepting whatever scary throws at him and i think HE thinks he’s giving her the grace to work through her emotions in her own time and i think he’s trying his best but idk!! i just think sometimes it comes as that he hates himself too! that he thinks he’s deserves for scary to hate him and never want to be around him! (he may have actually yelled about this but i don’t remember for sure lol). and like!! terry my love!! what kind of example are you setting for scary! if you can’t love and forgive yourself for how you were as a kid or for the things you’ve done, how can scary learn to? (that’s an oversimplification i KNOW but that’s the dynamic i feel between them. like you obvi don’t have to be able to love yourself to love others or teach
others to love themselves but my god terry :( you deserve love and so does scary 🥺 and link and normal and taylor
um in short, i am also SO normal about these characters and this podcast. not weird or obsessed at all 😳
feeling extremely normal about these podcast characters tonight.
#dungeons and daddies#dndads#normal oak#willy stampler#scary marlowe#dndads spoilers#dungeons and daddies spoilers#long post#rant#idk if any of this makes sense#i just love scary#and i love beth may so freaking much#and also yknow. ron was a horrible person and treated other ppl pretty badly for a while too#but he was a lot goofier and all his mean comments were just taken as jokes 😳#beth is so good at playing characters that are just so deeply wounded and will hurt anyone they have to not get hurt again#except that they don’t want to hurt other ppl#but at some point they forget how to not#idk! i’m projecting#i’m probably projecting#i’m gonna go back to posting about anthony being hot or whatver
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When I love a song, I’ll love it forever
#random post#smth i thought about earlier. yknow. I have a hard time picking favorites with literally everything#I also have what I SAY is a favorite of mine. but I have a hard time really pinpointing whats number 1 in my brain#like. I love lots of things. I like different aesthetics and clothing and art mediums and movies and shows and books and music and people#but it’s difficult trying to find the favorite. some things are easier cus there’s more that I DONT like so it kinda singles out an option#like with music. I love LOTS of music. but what does it mean when smth is a favorite? I don’t have a favorite genre cus I have songs I love#from all over. even ones I haven’t heard yet. music overall is one of my favorite things. I’m not joking when I say it’s a love language#I love the melodies and beats and rhythms and lyrics and voices. always and forever will have a place in my heart and mind#I hate questions that want to know favorites. isn’t it enough to just show you instead? to share everything with you? why do you need one#single thing to know exactly who I am? wouldn’t you get me better if you spent a day with me instead?#I can’t remember everything of importance to me. not all in one single moment. if I went through my playlists and told you what songs I love#and why. what books I love and why. what anything I love and why. you’d find that I’m a bit undefined. I’m an artist and a creator. strong#yet weak imagination. sometimes think better in the abstract and other times do better with what’s set in stone#I love sharing things with people. I wish people would engage more with what I share sometimes. but I never hold it against em or hate them#if they don’t haha. often I feel down when ppl don’t engage with what I share. I know people aren’t obligated to do things but. yknow. it’s#my heart in a platter. splayed our for everyone. bits of me I want to share. what I want people to see. I’ve sat down with people to share#music I like. one friend said a song I like was scary. some people make faces at what I play. some have paid it no mind at all. they don’t#even know how important to me sharing something like that is. hell. how important me sharing ANYTHING is. it’s so easy to hide away#everything about myself. yet here I am trying my hardest to open myself up. yea. wish I was able to connect with someone like that#in person I mean. I guess. I just want to lay down with someone and play music we love. explain why we love it. or try to understand why#idk I’m getting rambly. I just want to do new things forever. and relive the first time everytime#this isn’t a vent or anything. just thinking and writing as I do. typing helps me to keep my mind on track. a bit at least. as much as one#with a brain like mine can havagahhaga. I wonder if anyone actually reads through my tag rambles in their entirety. I know it looks daunting#so I don’t blame you if you can’t or don’t feel like it. it won’t kill me if my words are lost in the void#haha anyways yea :> thinking lots
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you might be the main thing baby – hanma shuji
“baby.”
usually, hanma reacts almost immediately when you call him such an endearing pet name. this time, he doesn’t and you don’t really push it. he always hang out in the living room during the late hours of the night when he kept tossing and turning in bed and decided he didn’t want to bother you but this time feels different.
“come back?”
“can’t sleep doll.” you see the cigarette between his fingers and a frown settles on your face as you approach him, footsteps so light you were scared you would startle or hurt him.
“you don’t have to—we could cuddle?” you walk up to where he’s sitting on the couch, stand between his spread legs. you stare down at him, shivering when his free hand caresses the back of your bare thigh.
“you wanna cuddle?” his hand travels up to your ass, kneading the skin before bringing you closer to him.
“mmm, I do.” you place your hands on his shoulders and straddle him. his free hand then pushes your hair away from your neck, intense golden eyes staring at the exposed skin as though he wanted to litter love bites all over.
“can’t say no to my pretty girl, can I?” your heart flutters at the possessiveness in his tone, but you’re still worried about him and you remind him that you were here to make sure he was fine.
“shu,” his favorite nickname. “you know you can talk to me, right?”
“I do.” he brings the cigarette to his lips and takes a drag. when he exhales, your hand goes to grab his jaw whilst the other takes his cigarette away.
“then talk to me.”
“doll,” his eyes are fixated on the cigarette but he quiets down when you bring it to your lips and let it rest there. like a professional, all because you’ve seen him smoke so many times you’ve memorized his mannerisms.
“yknow I don’t like my birthday.”
“you don’t like being celebrated?“ you ask as you place the cigarette onto the ashtray.
“exactly—“ you sigh in defeat, scooting closer until your crotch is directly against his.
“how insulting,”
“to you?”
“mmmh to my boyfriend,” you say it so softly, so quietly that hanma’s cold heart warms up for a bit. “to my sweet, loving boyfriend.”
“who are you cheating on me with?” he tries to joke around but you continue to grip his jaw, holding him in place.
“the love of my life.” now, you’ve never been too vocal about what hanma is to you. sure, he knows you two are in love and that he means a lot to you but you’ve never expressed it through words. to hear it for the first time, hanma’s heart feels though it’s about to explode.
“I’m all of that to you?” after a beat of silence, he asks and you nod. completely honest and raw.
“and more.” you whisper against his lips, brushing your nose against his own.
“you’re killing me,” he almost whines against your lips and you giggle as you get off of his lap.
“come back to bed, shuji. i got your birthday gift for you.”
#happy shuji day<3333#he means so much to me and MORE#moon's works#tokyo revengers#hanma shuji#hanma x reader#hanma smut#hanma x reader smut#hanma x you#hanma x yn#tr smut#tokyo revengers smut#tokyo revengers x reader#tr x reader
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don’t modify | jang wonyoung
♫⋆。♪ ₊˚♬ ゚. everyone adores you (at least i do) — matt maltese
synopsis : everyone knew jang wonyoung had standards, but you were afraid you didn’t meet them like she initially expected you to.
pairing : stuco!wonyoung x gf!femreader
genre : smut, it’s kinda sweet i think
tags : wlw, hurt/comfort(?), fem!reader starts doubting herself, self-esteem issues, yn overthinks everythingg, YN YOU’RE GIRLFRIEND ENOUGH, <//3, couplez are very present haiii, i care them so much, jiwon is stewpid (affectionate), and rei lives for it, LESBIANS, worried gf wony, she loves yn guys, GUYS, now onto the sex, semi-public sex, so risky sex, ooouh scandalous, fingerfucking, making out, LOTS of it, kinda body worship, clit play
warnings : this fic contains self-esteem issues and lack of confidence, be warned :]
word count : 4,8k
a/n : heyyy… DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THATTT I’VE BEEN BUSY💔💔i’m trying to work on as many fics as i possibly can when i have free time, this is one of them<//3 i hope you like it, i personally don’t know to feel about it butfkdmfm yeah
i also kinda didn’t proofread this; it’s almost 2 am as i’m typing this out and i’m EXHAUSTED,,, if you see mistakes of any kind just please ignore,, for my sake
man, student council really was no joke.
sitting at the same table as your girlfriend, wonyoung, and her peers, you could feel the undeniable tension in the air.
this was originally gonna be a double date, but it very quickly turned into a last-minute student council meeting, for some unknown reason. you weren’t part of said council, therefore had no clue what the hell they were on about this entire time. all this talk about budget, organized events, it all made you dizzy. the only thing that was keeping you somewhat calm was wonyoung’s warm presence and the slow jazz music that was quietly playing from the vintage jukebox, the one sitting in a corner of the place.
you accompanied your girlfriend thinking this was going to be a cute opportunity to meet the two other girls! yknow, knowing that they seemed to be very close friends of your girlfriend’s, you figured it would’ve been nice to get to know them but it now just mostly feels like you infiltrated a top secret reunion that no one else could know about.
and the funny thing? you were already somewhat nervous to meet other student council members in the first place, and this wasn’t helping. now, it’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but the first time that you met your significant other… yeah, you were mostly intimidated by her beauty and maturity, but also by her status in the school. it’s almost like you felt bad about crushing on somebody as influential on campus, let alone eventually dating her. so, i guess you could say meeting anybody equally as important as her fellow stuco members was something that made you rather anxious; what if they thought of you as clumsy? dumb? or even worse, not good enough for their president, their best friend?
quickly interrupting your train of incredibly messy thought, the blonde girl, whose name you don’t quite remember, spoke up.
“nevermind any of that! we came here, on a week-end, with the intention to relax, to have fun and to finally take a breather from everything stressful that’s been going on in our lives, and what did we end up doing? talking about the school’s budget, like we always do. seriously guys?” she watched how the two other girls averted their eyes, clearly guilty.
she especially noticed how you seemed to be uncomfortably shifting in your seat whilst they were talking, so, giving you a subtle reassuring look, she added on.
“let’s leave it for when we’re at school and not in front of y/n, how’s that sound?”
the two other girls looked at each other, then you, and eventually nodded. just like that, the tension in the air disappeared, and you already felt calmer.
but not calm enough to be confident about meeting your girlfriend’s friends and actually enjoy this small get-together.
however, you couldn’t sit there and pretend that the silence that settled in between all of you wasn’t a comfortable one, especially with the way wonyoung’s hand rested on yours, it was a nice contrast to what was actively going on in your mind.
until it was brutally killed by the dramatic sigh that came from the familiar tall and bright haired girl’s mouth.
“well, i’m pretty damn hungry, aren’t you guys hungry? cause i sure am pretty fucking hungry!“
you internally laughed, acknowledging that she was naturally quite funny. you apparently weren’t the only one to think so, considering how that also earned a small giggle from the almost just as tall girl who you assumed was her girlfriend, since she was practically always looking at her with heart-shaped eyes, regardless of the situation; you could tell when a girl was whipped for another, and it was as clear as day.
she was more than whipped for the blondie.
“you know jiwon, if you wanted to get up and go order, you could’ve just said that.” she said, smiling at the girl in question and looking stupidly in love.
“well yeahh.. but it’s essential for everyone to know how famished i am at all times, darling; my hunger is everyone’s problem, i thought we knew this!” was what jiwon said back, her bright smile making the dimple on one of her red cheeks, her left one, even more prominent than usual, since it’s quite literally always visible. that earned a playful eye roll from the other girl as she continued giggling.
the pet name helped confirm your theory that those two were a thing.
“you guys want anything?” she softly asked, quickly making sure.
“nope! we’ll get something later, thank you rei.” was what wonyoung responded before warmly looking at you, slightly tilting her head in a way that silently asked you if you felt like ordering. you politely declined by shaking your head, hand waving around as you’re doing so, for extra insistence.
after that, they stood up together and proceeded to walk towards the counter to order. their hands were grazing each other’s for a little moment as they talked, almost hesitant. that is, before jiwon gently grabbed the other girl’ hand and intertwined their fingers together, both now having acquired their place in line. smiling to yourself, you also particularly noticed how jiwon, her face now completely red, seemed to trip on literal air as she walked with the reason for that was giggling endlessly.
man, what a match they were, you thought.
rei, if you remembered her name correctly, was soft spoken and careful with every little thing she said and did, her gentle tone offered some sort of contrast to jiwon’s, who on her part, was louder, more outgoing and spontaneous. being polar opposites, they complemented each other amazingly; from their behavior all the way down to their body language, it was impossible to miss how different yet similar they were.
it seemed as if wonyoung noticed you staring at them from a distance, so she assumed it would’ve been a good idea to give you a little bit of funny context. “can you believe they’re not dating yet?” she asked, looking at them with you.
“wait.. what? they aren’t?” you exclaimed, surprised at the almost unbelievable information your girlfriend just dropped on you. well there goes your theory, “are.. are you sure?”
amused, she shook her head, eyebrows raised, “mmhm.” she said, putting emphasis on the first m. “i swear at times it feels like i hear them gushing about the other way more than i see my own mom.”
you giggled, your eyes darted back and forth between her and the other girls, in disbelief. actually.. the more you looked at them, the more whatever wonyoung said seemed to be true; despite being this close and intimate with each other, there were signs of uncertainty, as if this was new for the both of them. like when jiwon seemed to avoid rei’s gaze whenever she spoke, or maybe even when rei seemed to blush at quite literally anything silly that came out of jiwon’s mouth, which was very often, by the way.
“crazy, i know.” she laughed, staring at the two with you. “i mean, they practically are by now, they’re just not aware of it themselves yet.”
okay yeah, you thought, nodding at your girlfriend, it made sense.
they did look like a newlywed couple if they didn't know they were married, and that just made it all the more endearing to see, honestly. you were glad wonyoung was friends with such kind-hearted and genuine girls.
that somehow contributed in bringing back that nerve-racking doubt you had ever since you stepped foot in here, however, and your amusement was once again quickly overshadowed by worry. see, those two seemed so happy with each other, despite not even dating, that it got you thinking about your and wonyoung’s relationship.
rei and jiwon sort of reminded you of what you and your girlfriend were, way back before you started dating, back when she knew absolutely nothing about you and was instead curious regarding your person, intrigued.
you thought that maybe you didn’t end up exceeding her expectations like she initially believed you would, that you maybe weren’t as interesting of a girlfriend than she would’ve hoped, that she could do so much better than you.
hell, maybe even the two friends you were staring at prior thought so.
you noticed how wonyoung stared at you with a focused expression, the one she always had on whilst she tried to comprehend something complex, whatever it was. many things elicited that reaction, sometimes it’d be an important yet contradictory school document, other times it’d be an attempt to read something that was written in one of the languages she’s not so familiar with, as rare as that was.
right now though, she was probably trying to read you, a language she thought she was perfectly fluent in, yet was always met with a hard time understanding completely.
then, upon realizing that you were staring back at her, her eyes widened ever-so slightly and she gave you a warm smile. doing your best in not letting your insecurities spill through the cracks of your face, you smiled in return, as to not potentially worry her.
“we’re backk!” announced jiwon in a sing-song tone, quickly catching both you and wonyoung off-guard as she obnoxiously placed her tray down on the table, almost dropping it. rei’s, on the other hand, was set gently on the wooden surface whilst she carefully sat down on the seat, smiling to herself upon staring at the delicious looking food, completely disregarding the conversation happening right beside her.
you nodded to yourself, that was truly respectable.
“already?..” asked the tall and brown haired girl in response, wearing a mischievous smirk girl at the blondie before continuing, “and here i thought that we were finally gonna have a break from you.” jokingly groaning and rolling her eyes.
“never gonna happen, unfortunately for you.” jiwon giggled at the banter, grabbing a handful of fries from the tray in front of her before forcefully shoving it into the other girl’s mouth, cutting the latter successfully.
that earned a giggle from everyone at the table, but rei’s tiny and polite laugh was especially noticeable among the bunch.
turns out she always listens when it’s about jiwon, huh.
—
“what about you, y/n?” asked jiwon, distracting you from the conversation you were about to engage in with the delicious burger that nestled in between your eager hands. you looked at her, allowing her to carry on, “are you volunteering anywhere?”
all of a sudden, all three different pairs of eyes were on you, and you only.
you cleared your throat, setting the hamburger down, now having caught a glimpse of what the conversation was actually about. volunteering, huh? is that a thing that student council casually members do when they’re bored..?
you didn’t want to seem like an asshole, but it’s not like you could afford to lie, either, especially not when wonyoung was staring at you so intently, like she was excited to merely hear you talk.
you felt guilty for even placing a word.
“oh uh,” you focused your eyes on the table, unsure of your response and the reaction you would get. “i would, but i barely have the time, unfortunately.. you know, with my job and all..”
“you know,” rei chimed in, shaking her medium-sized soda drink around before taking a sip, “you can say that you don’t care enough, we won’t judge.” she said in a joking manner, earning laughter from everyone at the table.
that was a joke, it’s obvious that everybody would be laughing.
“ahah, yeah..”
except you, of course, the best you could do at that moment was crack a slight smile since you were basically stuck inside of your own head by now, contemplating whether they were actually making fun of you in your face or if you were just overthinking everything again, just like you always do.
man, with each thought you had, you felt uneasy. the more they talked, the more overwhelmed you felt, especially if the conversation revolved around you; self-consciousness wouldn’t even begin to describe it, despite your desperate attempts to sit and actually enjoy the moment, as well as the food in front of you, for that matter.
but alas, that annoying voice in your head had won again. the same voice that always goes on and on about how every person around you thinks you aren’t enough, and that you’re uninteresting and unlikeable, sometimes just plain annoying.
that got the best of you today.
you reluctantly stood up, which caught the two girls’ attention, but especially wonyoung’s, all of their eyes perking up at you. “where you going?” asked jiwon.
“just the bathroom.” you replied almost immediately, “sorry, you guys can keep talking, i won’t be long.”
you make a beeline for the restroom after rambling out those words, not looking back for even a second. you push the door open once you get there, quickly closing it behind you before turning the sink on and looking at yourself in the mirror.
get it together, y/n, you told yourself, don’t embarrass her any more than you already have.
you proceeded to splash some cold water onto your face, taking advantage of the fact that you conveniently decided not to wear any makeup today. to call it refreshing would be an understatement, as it helped you gain back composure.
that’s when you heard, and noticed from your peripheral vision, the restroom door cracking open. you turned off the running sink in hurry and turned to the door, wiping the water off of your face with your palm and forearm.
“..you okay?”
“huh? yeah..”
she looked at you some more. it was clear that she did not believe you for one second, she therefore locked the door behind you, as to not have anybody interrupt. she was going to ask again, however, she refrained from doing so and let you speak of your own accord.
you quickly understood that she was going to ask again, however, refrained from doing so and let you speak of your own accord. you took a deep breath, then you allowed your vulnerability to manifest itself through your words, just this once.
“..i just feel like.. i don’t know—“ you tried finding the right words to say, but nothing could potentially make the situation any worse than you’ve made it, “are you happy with me, wonyoung?”
long pause. a very long pause.
she furrowed her eyebrows upwards, “…what?” her voice was now just above a whisper as she processed your words, slightly shaking. despite how subtle it was, you heard the fear in it. “o-of course i am, why wouldn’t i be?”
“i just feel… i feel like you deserve better than me.” you turned away from her, your eyes settling on the mirror before you, once again. “i’m sorry, i don’t wanna be annoying—“
“do i make you feel that way?” she asked almost immediately, cutting you off. her expression giving away her heavy dejection despite her best attempt to mask it. “do i make you feel like you’re not enough?”
hurting you is the last thing she would ever want to do, she’s certain she’d rather die a horrible death on the spot than cause you pain.
“no, of course not!” you responded just as fast, your gaze meeting hers as you turn to face her once again, “you’re great towards me, amazing, even. it’s… it’s just that, i’m scared that you’re doing it out of pure guilt.. is all—”
she, in response, was no longer taken aback. finally having understood what was on your mind throughout this whole outing, her worry evaporated from her face, leaving room for a sympathetic expression, “guilt?” she walked your way and stood beside you, her big hands now cupping your cheeks and holding them in a warm, loving embrace. “if i really was dating you out of guilt, would i really ask you to go out with me to meet my friends?”
“i don’t want you doubting my love for you ever again, okay?” she added, her eyebrows furrowed, now looking practically offended. “i mean, come on, let’s not forget that i have standards.”
interpreting your silence and the way you looked up at her as uncertainty, she continued, smiling at you, “and you exceed every single one; you’re amazing, y/n. you’re gorgeous, so incredibly smart, talented, understanding, so kind and genuine, too. the list could go on, honestly, but most important of all, i love you, i love you so much, and there is truly nothing in this world that’ll be able to change that.. i never, ever, wanna hear you say any of that again. also, never scare me like that? ever?”
“but—“
“nuh uh!” she hovered her index finger over your mouth, silencing you before you could protest, “no buts! you’re perfect and i’m very incredibly lucky to be with you, that’s final.” she insisted, before mumbling to herself, “also, i should probably tell rei to cut it down on the sarcastic jokes, shouldn’t i.. she gets comfortable way too easily—“
“no wony, i know she meant no harm. plus, i would’ve found it funny if i wasn’t so in my own head..”
she sighed, then nodded. and as corny as it was, that whole conversation was enough to fully reassure you again. you cracked a shy and content smile, to which she happily reciprocated whilst gently stroking your hair with her hand, leaving a loving kiss on your forehead. “i love you, wonyoung, i’m sorry.” you muttered, barely audible.
she groaned, having heard you, and rolled her eyes jokingly, “will you stop apologizing so much?” before smiling with nothing but love and admiration in her eyes, “i love you too dumbass, so much, and i’m afraid i’ll never stop.” she added, before leaving a small peck on your lips.
you returned the kiss, having wonyoung leaning into you and gently pushing you onto the sink. your hands went on both sides of her face and cupped her cheeks, your girlfriend melting into your touch with a smile immediately before pulling away and looking into your eyes.
now being in the right headspace and paying proper attention to her appearance, you just now noticed how good wonyoung really looked that day; her long brown hair perfectly straightened at the top and being more on the wavy side on the ends, the whole hairstyle being all, quite literally, tied together by a lavender-coloured ribbon. you’ve also noticed that she decided to wear her favorite navy blue and white striped knit sweater and tucked it under the waistband of her blue denim jeans, incredibly effective in drawing attention to her waist whilst also keeping a cozy look.
she looked beautiful, there was absolutely no doubt about that, but your mind kept wandering further. you thought about how much more beautiful she’d look wearing nothing, before being hit with the sad truth that the two of you are in a public bathroom, and that the latter was very unlikely to happen.
still though, you smiled to yourself as your eyes trained down on her body, getting lost in dirty thought before looking up at her again. once your gaze met wonyoung’s, you watched her lips form into a stupid smile before she spoke again, making you realize how dearly you missed listening to her honey-like voice despite having heard it roughly 30 seconds prior.
“and what are you looking at exactly?” she tilted her head slightly, flirtatiously sliding her hand up and down your sides as she awaited your answer.
it’s crazy how your girlfriend of several months could still manage to turn your stomach to literal mush, every single thing about her made you short-circuit; her mannerisms, the way she talked to you, the way she always put her hands on the right spot, her smile… she was clearly out to get you.
and it didn’t look like that was going to change anytime soon.
“..nothing,” you replied, taking a short pause as you took in all of her features, before adding on, “you look good, babe.”
that pet name made sense again, you felt like yourself again.
“yeah?” she spoke back, now placing her two hands atop each side of the sink that you were already leaning on. her face now mere inches away from yours, your nostrils suddenly invaded by the hypnotizing smell of the sugary, expensive perfume she had on, the one that drove you nuts, “thanks for noticing.”
it took one last dorky smile from her before you officially lost your shit and pulled her back in for a kiss, this one hungrier than the previous, and it didn’t take much for wonyoung to acknowledge the desire you felt for her, either. she’d also be lying if she said she didn’t want you just as much.
you could taste the cherry lip gloss she had put on previously as your lips danced in sync with hers,
“wait,” you said in between kisses, “what about the others?”
“oh don’t worry,” she chuckled, wearing a knowing expression and slightly shaking her head in amusement at the thought, “they’re definitely keeping each other distracted. i would even go as far as to say that they completely forgot about us even coming along in the first place.”
as insane as it may sound, you could totally picture jiwon completely discarding her food and endlessly rambling about quite literally the dumbest thing ever whilst rei admired her silently, listening to every word the other girl spoke, entranced as she took tiny sips of her drink, perhaps as an attempt to make the moment last forever.
the two of you giggled to yourselves, seemingly having thought of the exact same thing before the urge to have wonyoung ruin you in this very bathroom hit you once more, only harder this time.
it didn’t take long for your girlfriend to lean back into you, now making her painfully slow way down to your jaw, then to your neck, planting messy and lazy pecks across the skin. you felt her smiling against you with relish, taking in each and every soft noise that escaped from your mouth. her hands were growing more and more curious by the second, which caused them to explore and slide further down from the spot they initially settled on; your lower stomach and waist. they eventually worked their way up your black pleated skirt, teasing your entrance through the soft fabric of your already damp underwear.
that went on for a long while, so long so that you felt the pool in between your legs growing with each rub of the finger she gave you.
“god, look at you,” she then whispered against your neck, marking it up right to her liking, “perfect, always so perfect for me.” and watching you not-so-subtly grinding your hips against her hand at the words, longing for any sort of friction you could get.
“wonyoung–” you whined out quietly, using all of your willpower to not make too much noise so as to not let the other people in the restaurant hear you through the closed door. she heard you though, she heard you loud and clear and that was all that mattered to her. she pretended that she didn’t, however, and pulled away from your neck to properly look at you to raise a knowing eyebrow at you. the back and forth motion she was doing on your clothed pussy now much, much slower. “what was that baby?”
“please.” you breathed out shakily, “i need you.. bad.”
“do you now?” she responded, cocky.
you nodded almost immediately.
she let out a tsk sound in response, “couldn’t even wait ‘till we get home, huh?” that confirmation was all it took for her to finally push your panties to the side just enough to be able to spread your cunt and squeeze her fingers into it, which was very wet enough to welcome her digits, she slowly inserted them further in.
“so impatient, just for me, right?” she whispered, watching you as you nodded once again, this time more keen. she then paused, quietly taking in all of your reactions to her different words and teasing, more than satisfied, she scoffed, “fuck, i love you—“
she pressed her lips against yours again, eager; she truly couldn’t get enough of you, everything about you was all she could ever want. you couldn’t help but let a guttural groan escape from your lips in response to her two fingers fully sliding inside of you in one swift motion, filling your insides up perfectly. you were undeniably loud, but the kiss definitely contributed to quieting you down, muffling the noise of your pleasure, the squelching sounds of your pussy being the only audible thing occupying the air.
it didn’t take long before she started pumping her fingers in and out of you, finding a slow and steady pace before fully ravaging your core. she quickly pulled away to catch a glimpse of the scene happening on the lower side of things; her hand reaching into your skirt and working its magic. the sight of that worked the both of you up even more, and she would’ve completely gotten rid of every piece of the clothing that’s in her way to you right then and there,
but then again, this was a public bathroom.
and you two were very quickly reminded of that once you heard knocking at the locked door, as well as tussling of the doorknob. wonyoung and you froze, albeit a very polite pair of knocking and turning, it scared the shit out of you.
“y/n? wonyoung? are you guys okay in there?” you heard rei’s easily discernible voice on the other side of the door. your eyes darted between it and wonyoung, mere inches away from you (who also seemed visibly panicked, as well as amused.)
well wonyoung was incredibly wrong in assuming they forgot about you two.
in a silent, mutual agreement sealed by a nod, you came up with a pitiful excuse, fighting back every potential shake of your voice that could manifest itself, “y-yeah, uh, i’m just fixing up my makeup and—“
suddenly, you felt your girlfriend’s thumb pressing on your sensitive and swollen bundle of nerves without warning, and began to rub it in a slow and painful circular motion, wearing a slight smirk while doing so. your stomach immediately dropped at the feeling, and your first instinct was to bite your lip as you tried your hardest not to moan out wonyoung’s name out loud,
obviously, you wanted to, but couldn’t; especially not when rei’s on the other side, worried about you two.
the tall brunette threw you a teasing glance, her expression practically reading ‘go on, keep going.’ so, as a matter of principle, you did. you pulled on her knit sweater in overwhelm, oh so desperate to just cum already and not risk getting caught and definitely kicked out, just imagining that walk of shame gave you goosebumps, “w-wonyoung’s with m-me.”
“okay! oh and also, jiwon wanted me to ask if you were gonna finish your food.”
as bad as it was, your thoughts at that moment resembled ‘oh my god why isn’t she leaving yet’, especially when your love thought it was an amazing idea to casually fingerfuck you again, her fingers finding their familiar pace and curling against your g-spot perfectly. you kept tugging on her top, mouth slightly agape in surprise and overwhelming pleasure as you tried to come up with an answer.
“yes!” you cleared your throat after having that first word coming out a bit too excited for your liking, then continued, “yes, t-tell her she can have all of the remaining fries s-she wants.” you looked at wonyoung with hooded eyes right after slurring out those words, shaking your head in desperation. not at all in the right state of mind to even listen to her friend’s response who then thankfully left, you mouthed the words ‘i wanna cum so bad.’ to her.
she was gonna keep teasing you, but she decided that you’ve endured more than enough for that day. with her other hand, she settled her palm onto your mouth; she knew how loud you got when hitting climax. a few more pumps of her fingers into your puffy cunt was all it took for you to grip onto her sweater as you came all over her hand, eyes rolled back whilst you moaned and pleaded into her hand, bucking your hips into her and riding your high on her palm, her thumb still pressing your clit.
pulling her slander fingers out of you, she quickly made you taste how good you were and made sure you thoroughly and carefully licked every inch of it clean as you hazily muttered ‘i love you’s in between lick and sucks.
one thing was for sure, sitting back down at the table wearing underwear full of your slick was definitely an element of great embarrassment,
but at least you were now fully reassured that dating you was not at all one for wonyoung.
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