#I’m in a job where I’m meant to (technically) lead the team but I don’t respect any of my charges

[dykeredhood]

What’s the technical term for “yes I’m steadfast for things that truly matter and otherwise I am ranging from mildly to blatantly suicidal”

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 41:

I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with Paper Rings…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

TW: spicy, adult content, 18+

Info: to fit my story line I swapped Austin with Mexico, the triple header will then be Mexico, Austin, Brazil

I stirred in the bed, the sunbeams sneaking through a gap between the curtains woke me up and I yawned.

"What time is it?" Charles whispered next to me and I turned a little, checking the time on my phone.

"Too early to be awake…" I mumbled, turning back, snuggling into him.

"Yeah? Then let’s sleep for a little longer." he kissed my forehead as I laid my head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

"Sounds like a plan." I whispered, closing my eyes.

"Why is your heart racing like that?" Charles asked after a while and I opened my eyes "Are you okay?" he turned his head, looking at me.

"I think so…"

"You think so?"

"It’s nothing, let’s just sleep…" I closed my eyes again, but he put two fingers under my chin, tilting my head up.

"What’s wrong?" he asked gently and I sighed.

"Last year here in Mexico…" I said quietly.

"That’s on your mind?"

"A little? I mean when we did the track walk and we walked past the spot where it happened… I don’t know, it’s just felt weird and I thought back to when I was in the garage and- and I thought you were dead…" my voice broke and Charles pulled me closer into him.

"But I was okay. I am okay. It’s just a bad memory, nothing else! Don’t think about it anymore, it’s not good for you, especially not when you have to focus on the race ahead!" he kissed the crown of my head and I slowly nodded.

"Can you just promise me that you take care out there today?" I whispered after a while and heard him sigh a little.

"I can promise you that I will try. You know that’s all I can do…"

"I know. But please try to."

"I promise that I will."

Unfortunately keeping his promise was harder than it sounded like, when I watched the RedBull and Ferrari sandwich in front of me, sending Checo off track and Charles losing the lead to Max. I took a deep breath and focused on my own race which I ended in the same position as I started in.

"That’s P4. Good job." Pete radioed and I sighed a little.

"Yeah, it was the best I could do I guess. Good job on the team’s side, our pit stops are getting better with every race!"

"Team effort."

"Team effort."

Austin next started out strong. A good quali and sprint race were making me feel optimistic for Sunday, the race didn’t bring the same result tho, with a P7 but it was the best we could do. I finished my interviews when I saw Charles looking frustrated, shaking his head.

"What’s going on?" I asked and he sighed.

"The FIA checked the planks on some of the cars… Lewis and mine apparently didn’t comply the technical regulations, so there’s a hearing."

"Are they for real? That was probably because we had two races at one weekend! Of course there’s some high wear on the skin pads! This track is fucking bumpy and with the stupid sprint race there’s not enough time to check it properly?" I said loudly and some people looked.

"Lizzie…" Julie warned and I sighed.

"Let’s go…" I grabbed his hand and lead him away, back to his hospitality "I would wait with you, but I’m not allowed in there…"

"Let’s go to Audi, I don’t want to wait alone…" Charles shrugged and I nodded.

"Okay." we walked back and waited, but I had a bad feeling and when Mia said that the final decision was made, I already knew by the look on her face what it meant.

"I was disqualified, right?" Charles voice was trembling.

"Yeah… you and Lewis…"

"Lewis as well? That means…"

"Carlos will move up into P3…" Mia said and Charles laughed.

"Of course… but hey, Lizzie, congrats to your P5 now." he patted my arm.

"Charles…" I began but he got up.

"No, it’s fine. It’s like this. Whatever. We can’t change it now anyways. I go to my race debrief, what’s there to debrief anyways but yeah… you go to yours. I see you later." he kissed me briefly and walked off.

"Can you please make sure that he’s okay?" I asked Mia and she nodded.

"Of course…" she walked off and Julie sighed.

"What a day…"

"What a day indeed."

"I don’t know if that’s a good idea…" Charles mumbled and I rolled my eyes a little.

"Oh come on! After that race? You deserve a little fun!" I said.

"Yeah but… I have to make some points in Brazil! I can’t mess this up!" he sighed.

"You won’t mess it up! It’s all going to be fine! We’ll be in Brazil right in time for the media day. It will be fun, you’ll see!" I smiled and after a while he sighed.

"Danny Ric and his ideas."

"It will be fun. Come on now, costumes!" I smiled excitedly but I didn’t like the look on his face "Why are you looking at me like that?" he just chuckled and I punched his arm "I swear, if you picked a slutty nurse or house maid costume… I’ll cut off your ba…" I began but got interrupted by his hysterical laugh.

"Oh cara mia, although I would love to see you as a slutty nurse or house maid, I wouldn’t want 500 other people to see that, too, there are parts of your body only I get to see… no, I picked something better!" he said and his little possessiveness made me blush.

"Alright. Then I’d say let’s exchange the costumes and get going?" I said, trying to contain my grin.

"Oh, what have you done?" Charles asked, voice laced with a tint of worry.

"You’ll see…" I chuckled and grabbed the garment bag "I’ll go to the bedroom."

As I zipped the bag open I sighed and took the costume out, now I preferred a slutty nurse or house maid costume. I googled for make-up and hair ideas when I heard steps coming my way and the door flying open.

"Absolutely not! No! I’m not wearing that!" Charles cursed and I looked him up, from head to toe.

"Holy shit, you look hot… umm… I’m… umm…" I was at a loss for words, he looked amazing. Hot. Sexy. Dangerous. Wearing all black.

"I’m not wearing a Mercedes race suit as a costume! Ferrari will kill me!" he groaned.

"Then I’m not wearing this…" I said and pointed at the costume on the bed.

"Fine. If I lose my job, it’s your fault!" he sighed and I chuckled.

"Oh come on, if anything it will only make them draft your new contract faster!" I said, still ogling him up and down. My insides began to stir and I was feeling hot, flushed "Go now, please. I have to get ready." my voice was raspy.

"Maybe I should talk to the design team and ask for an all black suit next season?" Charles chuckled and I shook my head.

"Go. Now. Thank you." I pushed him through the door and sighed "Slutty cheerleader here I go…"

Charles POV:

I watched how Lizzie danced with Kika, having fun, laughed.

"It’s been a while since I saw her this carefree?" Pierre nodded towards our girls and I smiled.

"Yeah… this whole thing with Diaz, then with Sainz, Singapore and the m…" I stopped abruptly and Pierre cocked an eyebrow.

"What happened in Singapore?"

"I mean, she could’ve won that race, silence the media who were slandering her again and again…" I lied and he nodded.

"Yeah, that’s true, it was a shame, honestly."

"It was. But look at her, she’s happy. That’s what’s most important."

The two girls pulled us on the dance floor and Lizzie threw her arms around my neck.

"Are you having fun, Charlie?" she asked swaying and I smiled.

"A whole lot… my beautiful cheerleader is here dancing with me after all." I replied and kissed her.

"Mhh me too. It was a good idea that we came here… alright your costume…" she mumbled against my lips and I tilted my head a little.

"What’s with my costume?"

"I don’t like how all the girls are staring at you because you look so devilishly handsome in this black race suit." she pouted and I had to laugh "That’s not funny!"

"Cara mia, you chose the costume!" I said matter of factly.

"I know… but still…" she groaned a little and I pulled her closer, kissing the corner of her mouth, down her jaw, feeling her squirming in my hold.

"Don’t worry, pretty girl. They might see me in the suit… but you’re the only girl seeing me out of it…" I whispered in her ear and I felt her shuddering.

"Let’s get a taxi…" she rasped out and I grinned at her like a devil "Now."

She clung to me, her arms around my neck, hands carding through my hair, leaving hot open mouthed kisses along the column of my neck, my jaw, my throat. My hands gripping her waist, pulling her close into me, fiddling with the fabric of her skirt, hiking it up her thighs. As soon as the elevator door opened I pushed her out, walking us fast toward our door, prying my hands from her waist, lifting my head up to see the security panel of the door. Lizzie looked up at the loss of my arms around her and the sudden movement of my head.

"Pretty girl, I have to open the door… stop pouting…" I groaned as she began suckling at the sensitive skin just below my ear.

"Hurry up…" she whined, pulling my head down, clashing her hot, wet lips onto mine, making me taste the sweetness of the cocktails she drank earlier. The door opened with a simmer and I tapped her thighs, making her jump a little, wrapping her legs around my waist on instinct. I walked inside, kicking the door shut with my foot. Holding her up at her thighs, massaging them, distracted by her kisses and licks around my neck I stumbled into the bedroom, where I dropped her on the bed. She tilted her head up, eying me from head to toe, hungry look in her eyes.

"You look so devilishly hot in that suit… mhhh why don’t you screw Ferrari and go for Lewis seat instead?" she said breathless and I slapped her thigh "Was that supposed to be a punishment? Try again…"

I chuckled and leaned down, holding myself steady above her, ghosting my lips over hers before I kissed the corner of her mouth, then kissed a line to her ear, breathing out, hot and heavy against it, making her moan a little.

"I think you would much rather enjoy a reward…" I whispered, gently biting down at her earlobe.

"How do I earn it?" she whispered back, her voice trembling with anticipation.

"I’m a Mercedes driver… I want to be cheered on by my personal cheerleader…" I grinned at her and she put one hand in my neck, pulling my head close.

"I can do that…" she breathed against my lips and nibbled at my lower lip before she pushed me off of her and got up, she then turned around and I sat up. She unclipped the Pom Pom’s from her waist and began to do a cheer routine.

"I love seeing you wearing my logo… it’s like I marked you… for everyone to see…" I muttered and she smiled seductively "But right now I wouldn’t mind seeing you out of it…" Lizzie understood the hint immediately. Throwing the Pom Pom’s my way. Sliding her hands up and down her sites, before she hooked her thumbs under the hem of the top, pulling it slowly over her head, revealing a dark red lace bra, making me choke up. I loved seeing her in red. And she knew it. She gently cupped her breasts before turning around, bending down, shaking her behind a little to reveal the sight of the matching slip underneath her short skirt. I felt how the suit got tight around my crotch, too tight, and threw my head back, closing my eyes. My breathing hitched when soft fabric hit my face and I opened my eyes, looking down at Lizzie’s bra in my lap. The second I looked up I lost all restraint and jumped up. Backing her up against the wall, making her whimper as the rough fabric of my race suit dragged along her bare skin, when I pressed my knee between her thighs, pushing up her skirt. I kissed her, rough and deep, almost frantic as the sweetness of her lips and tongue engulfed my senses. Sensations of heat, lust and love rushing through my body. I felt my growing bulge against her thigh, making her moan and me taking a deep breath. Lizzie’s hands began to fiddle with the zipper of the suit and she whined desperately as it wouldn’t budge.

"Don’t be so impatient, pretty girl!" I grinned and helped her, pulling the zipper down, letting her strip me off of it, the suit pooling around my waist, before pulling my shirt over my head. She pressed her firm breasts into my chest and I could feel her pebbled nipples against my skin as we moaned in unison. I pushed her skirt further up her thighs, exposing the dark red, lazy slip, cupping her heat with my hand, rubbing once. She bit her lips, suppressing a moan and I felt her knees buckling so I grabbed her thighs, hiking them around my waist, pushing her further into the wall. She let out a surprised huff and locked her eyes with mine, before she captured my lips in a searing kiss, it was sloppy, messy but above all desperate. It was suffocating and hot in the best way possible, but my growing bulge pressed against her hot core made me pull away, trying to catch my breath. Lizzie made a little sound of protest, before gripping my neck again, trying to pull my lips back to hers.

"Charles…" she whined and I pushed us off the wall, carrying her to our bed, falling back down on it, Lizzie above me. She blinked and sat up, straddling my hips, and I felt my heart palpitating, lungs clenching, as I saw her naked frame, looking like a true goddess. I put my hands on her waist, rubbing circles on it and with one swift move I turned us over, hovering now over her. Her hands shot up, tangling in my hair and pulling me closer. I only gave her a soft kiss on her lips before I started my way down, kissing her throat, collarbone, leaving tiny marks. My hands pushing her skirt down her legs as I kissed down the valley between her breasts, locking eyes with her, hungry and full of lust. I kissed my way further down, nibbled at her stomach making her clench it in the process. As I arrived at her core I kissed it above the fabric, making Lizzie bucking her hips, I gently laid one hand on her stomach and pushed her back into the mattress, waiting a moment for her to calm down, then I hooked my thumbs under the band of her slip and pulled it down with one smooth move, throwing it together with her skirt behind my back. A soft thud telling me both clothings landed on the floor.

"Ready for your reward?" I whispered and looked up at Lizzie, who nodded slightly, and I grinned, devouring her. Caressing her soft skin, making her moan, gripping my hair, pulling me closer to where she needed me the most.

"Don’t stop…" she whimpered as I stole the air from her very lungs, making her puff out a long breath "Close… so close…" she mumbled underneath her breath. After a short while, she arched her back, grinding her core into my face, whining and moaning in ecstasy, as she reached her climax. I let go of her, looking up at her gorgeous face, eyes closed, blissful smile on her lips, chest heaving with every breath she took, beads of sweat glistening all over her beautiful body. Her hands let go of my hair, searching around until they found mine, still holding her waist down. She intertwined our fingers, gently pulling me up and I obeyed, leaning down over her face, looking at the pretty girl underneath me, my pretty girl. She slowly opened her eyes, still out of breath.

"Hi…" she whispered, all of a sudden shy again, cheeks slightly blushing, as she looked at my face, bottom half glistening with her essence and she closed her eyes again, groaning quietly.

"Hi pretty girl…" I answered, gently nudging her nose with mine. She bit her lip and looked up at me with hooded eyes, then she leaned up, pressing her lips on mine, tasting herself on them. I had to grin into the kiss and she slowly pulled back, licking her lips. She pulled our intertwined hands to her lips, kissing my knuckles gently. Smiling her most gorgeous smile, falling back even more into her shy demeanour, she still wore at times. As I adjusted my position above her, my straining crotch, still covered in the race suit, brushed against her heat, and her breathing hitched. She looked down and gulped audibly.

"Take it off…" she said in a hushed tone, her fiery gaze burning a hole in my middle, before she put her hands on my hips, pushing the suit down herself. I helped her, sliding it off, letting it fall onto the floor. Her eyes found mine and she cupped my cheek with her hand, gently caressing it "I love you…" she purred softly and I laid a feathery kiss on her lips, getting more heated with every moment that passed and in that I could feel her soft core beneath my skin. She grabbed my hips, pulling me flush against her, an impatient whine on her lips as she greedily captured my bottom lip between her teeth. I felt my heart racing, my body buzzing all over with anticipation and locked eyes with her, gently freeing my lips from hers. Littering her face and jaw with tiny kisses, as I sucked on her collarbone she arched her back into me and with one last look in her eyes I let my arousal take over, making her moan loudly as our body’s melted into one.

"I love you too…" I muttered out, moaning as her heat clenched around me.

"We could’ve chartered a whole plane for all of us…" Pierre chuckled as I watched almost half the grid settling into their seats, occupying the entire first class.

"True that!" Daniel laughed, plopping down in his seat.

"Just so you guys know I want silence the next 10 hours. Utter and complete silence." Lando groaned and put a sleeping mask and his headphones on.

"And it’s all too much for little Lando Norris." Daniel imitated Crofty and we all laughed.

"I said silence." Lando murred and I cuddled back into my seat.

"Comfy?" Charles asked after a while and I shook my head, taking his hand and cuddling it to my chest.

"Better." I closed my eyes and heard him chuckle.

"Silly girl. Sleep now, we have a hectic day ahead of us." he said, kissing the crown of my head.

"Hectic weekend. And did you see the weather forecast? Damn…" I whispered.

"Yeah I saw it…" Charles said and I felt him tensing up a little.

"Hey, it will be alright, don’t worry, we’ll have a good weekend, you’ll see." I kissed the back of his hand and he smiled a little.

"I hope you’re right." he said and I sat up.

"Forget about Austin. It’s in the past. You’ll do amazing! So come on. Have a little nap with me." I smiled and Charles sighed. I could literally see the wheels turning in his head with how hard he was thinking about the weekend ahead.

"It’s just… I need to proof that I’m better. John Elkann will be in Brazil… he wasn’t supposed to be there, he planned to come to Vegas. But now he’s already in Brazil? What if it is to tell me that they’re not happy with my performance? That they won’t extend my contract?" he whispered and I sat up.

"Stop it now, okay! Why would they do that? They’re not stupid! Austin wasn’t your fault! Stop this nonsense now! He’s coming to Brazil because he wants to, there’s no reason behind it. Period." I looked at him determined and after a while he smiled a little.

Maybe you’re right." he leaned back, taking my hand in his again "What would I do without you?"

"I answered that question before, so you know the answer." I leaned into him, my head on his shoulder.

"I might sink and drown and die."

"Exactly."

"Was that Fred that I saw earlier?" I asked Charles when we walked to the car, late at Saturday night.

"Yeah… he’s here…" he opened my door and I looked at him "He said he wanted to talk to me after the weekend…"

"About what?" I waited for him to get in the car as well.

"He didn’t say about what. Just that we need to talk." Charles looked worried. I saw how he clenched his jaw, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight, his knuckles turned white.

"It’s going to be okay, you’ll see." I pried his hands away from the steering wheel and made him look at me "Fred loves you. Whatever is going to happen, it’s okay!"

"I hope so." he mumbled and started the car.

We drove in silence but I felt Charles’ anxiety radiating off of him, the tension in his shoulders visible. And although I tried my best to soothe his worries, to calm him down, he was as nervous as ever when he got into the car on Sunday. I watched horrified how he flew off in the formation lap and my stomach was in tight knots the whole race. As soon as I was out of the car, I was looking for him, but he was nowhere to be found.

"You text me as soon as you see him, okay?" I said to Andrea and he nodded, walking back into the Ferrari garage.

"Lizzie, we really have to go now… come on." Julie urged and I followed her to the media pen, where I gave my interviews in the fastest way possible and Julie chuckled when I looked at her after the hopefully last one "Okay, okay, we’re done! You can go and look now for Charles!"

"Thank you!" I almost sprinted away, looking for Joris and Andrea.

"He’s here." the latter said when I stopped in front of the Ferrari hospitality.

"Is he okay? He didn’t answer my texts…" I was slightly out of breath from running.

"He’s umm-… he’s in a meeting with Fred… and I think I saw John Elkann with them as well…" Andrea said slowly and my heart began to race.

"Okay- I mean… I guess I wait then?"

"That’s all we can do now." Andrea smiled at me when I saw Silvia coming our way.

"But you know what? I can wait at Audi as well…" I walked off before the evil witch of the easy reached us, making my way to wait for Charles.

The debrief felt like a whole eternity and when I finally left I saw a text from Charles, saying that I should wait at the car for him. I had a bad feeling and said good night to everyone, walking to the parking lot. My heart was hammering in my chest when two arms engulfed me from behind, but just a second later I relaxed, feeling it was Charles.

"Hey cara mia." he kissed the side of my head, spinning me around.

"You’re smiling?" I asked cautiously and he nodded.

"I’m smiling." he smiled, kissing me.

"What does that mean? Is everything okay?" I asked and he pushed me against the car, kissing me again "Charles!"

"More than okay. Brilliant actually… but I can’t tell you for now. It has to be secret until it’s officially announced…" he smiled brightly, opening the door for me, pushing me inside.

"And what? You think I will spill the beans?" I pouted, right when he closed the door and walked around the car to get in "Am I not trustworthy en-…" he silenced me with another kiss.

"Fred will become team principal next season. My new contract is already drafted…" he began and I squealed.

"Mattia is gone?" I asked and Charles nodded.

"Mattia is gone… well next season…" he said and I did a little happy dance.

"Does that mean that Sainz will be gone as well?" I asked big Charles shook his head.

"They didn’t mention him. And I honestly don’t care. Since Fred joined it was planned for him to take over. That’s why he was so highly involved in the making of next seasons car. It’s his car. And he said it’s the car to win the championship with… or at least he hopes so." his most beautiful, dimple showing smile was back.

"Charles Leclerc, world champion 2024. I called it first." I said happily and he shrugged his shoulders.

"We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves now, cara mia." he chuckled, starting the engine.

"Maybe you don’t… but I will! Mark my words, world champion of 2024, Charles Leclerc, my gorgeous boyfriend." I smiled "Now I’m even more happy for our trip to LA."

"Yeah, me too, it will be great."

Charles POV:

"What are you doing?" I plopped down next to Lizzie on the sun island and she showed me her iPad.

"These are the three options for the kitchen… I love them all, but the third one is my favourite. I always wanted to have an all white kitchen with black hardware but the kitchen island in all black? Waterfall edges of this beautiful white granite with black veins? The same we use for the countertops? Damn Carla really had an amazing idea here."

"That was Carla’s idea?" I asked and she nodded "I have to so, they all look stunning, but yeah, the black island really stands out? What tiles? The other options had tiles."

"I was honestly thinking to use the same granite as backsplash? Like a big fat slab of stone… here…" she tapped on the display and the model changed.

"Yes. 100 % yes. It looks amazing! Wow. Send it to Léon That’s our kitchen." I saw how happy and giddy she was about this decision and kissed her cheek "What else? Tell me you have more!"

"So, we already decided for the guest bathrooms and both powder rooms… but do you want to see my vision for our bathroom?" she asked and I nodded "Okay, here. I saw this bathtub and fell in love. Look at the size of it! Here’s the layout." she showed me the bathroom, the shower, big enough for a handful of people, the two vanities, a dressing table in between and the huge bathtub. It looked perfect.

"Perfect… like honestly! Lizzie you outdone yourself." I pulled her into me, smiling at her blushed cheeks "I can’t wait to move into our home together. It’s going to be so perfect. You are so perfect."

"Oh stop. I had a lot of help from Carla and our mum’s…" she almost whispered and I tilted her head up.

"Yeah but it’s your vision they help you with. You make this place our home." I kissed her, feeling her melting under my touch.

"Oh for fucks sake! Take a room! Ugggghhhh… I’m leaving!" Andrea groaned and I laughed.

"Wait for me, I’m not staying behind with these two lovebirds! Let’s go to Six Flags alone!" Joris said, following Andrea.

"Noooo! Wait for me!" Lizzie scrambled off of me and I huffed.

"Excuse me?" I looked at her.

"Wait for us?" she said meekly and grinned.

"Exactly. Wait for us!" we got up and followed the guys outside.

"I heard you’re excited for all the roller coasters." Lizzie teased Andrea and he laughed nervously "It’s okay. I’ll hold your hand when it get’s scary."

"I can also just wait for you guys…" he began but Lizzie shook her head.

"Nope. You’re coming with us on the rides! It will be fun! Believe me!"

It was fun. For Lizzie. For me. Not for Andre. Also not for Joris. Lizzie made her puppy eyes and made us ride everything there was and the colour from Andrea and Joris’ faces drained with every new ride more and more.

"Cara mia, I think you’ve exhausted them…" I whispered when we drove back to our Airbnb in the evening, the two guys half asleep in the backseat of the car. Lizzie turned and looked at them, one paler than the other.

"I’m sorry boys…" she chuckled, smiling apologetic.

"No you’re not!" Joris groaned.

"I can’t wait for when it’s time to go racing again!" Andrea sighed, leaning his head back "Thank god we’re leaving in two days, before you kill us."

"I’m definitely not getting paid enough for being tortured like that by your girlfriend…" Joris murmured and I had to laugh.

"Oh come on! It wasn’t that bad!" I said and they both looked at me pointedly.

"Your girl is a crazy spitfire and you know it!" Andrea said and I turned to Lizzie, grabbing her hand.

"That she is." I kissed the back of her hand and watched her blush "My girl."

"Coming to you Lizzie, what do you think of the race weekend here in Las Vegas?" Tom Clarkson asked and I looked over at Max, who looked just as disinterested as I felt.

"Honestly? Max said everything there is to say, I don’t have much to add. It’s all a big show for nothing. It’s turning into a circus, gets bigger and bigger when we all come here for one reason only: we want to race. We don’t need all of this stuff around. Events left and right. The sport itself is interesting enough. We don’t need all this bullshit around we get to see here." I said and Max nodded laughing.

"Alright, thank you, Lizzie. We open the floor now for some questions."

I didn’t listen to most of the questions and the ones for me were basically all the same, how I liked it here, what I expected from the race. When I walked out with Max and Charles, Max and I couldn’t even stop shit talking the whole event, leading to Charles rolling his eyes, saying that we were too dramatic.

"No Charlie boy, we’re not dramatic. We want to race. And not get paraded around like a freaking attraction…" I sighed.

"Listen to your girlfriend mate!" Max chuckled as our ways parted and he walked towards the RedBull hospitality.

"You should stop being so negative! Maybe the weekend will be great! I know, the opening ceremony was maybe a little bit too much, I agree but overall? The atmosphere is amazing, don’t you think?" Charles nudged my shoulder.

"Yeah maybe… let’s see how the racing is, you know? Racing? The reason why we’re here?" I looked at him and he pinched my side.

"You’re so funny… not… you’ll see! The racing will be great! How often do we get an entire new track just like that?"

"Umm- just last year in Miami?"

"Oh for fucks sake, Lizzie! Come on! It will be fun! You’ll see!" Charles rolled his eyes.

But what I saw was a messed up Friday on a track that had to be checked entirely for its drain covers and made us wait for for what felt like a whole eternity to come back for free practice 2.

At least the Saturday started better and when Charles made it on pole, a big smile on his face, I decided to swallow down my grudge against the track, because it looked like he was really enjoying racing here in Vegas.

"So? What do you say? Will you be the first winner of the Las Vegas GP?" I asked Charles when we were walking back from the national anthem and he laughed.

"I sure hope so, but you never know, Max is right behind me, then you, Checo… it won’t be easy!"

"And don’t forget Danny Ric! He made it just in time to be ready to race here in Vegas! And he’s starting on P6!" I said right as said driver pushed his way through us.

"Watch it lovebirds…" he chuckled and I slapped his arm.

"Oh you better stop, I saw you yapping all over my sister just an hour ago…" I said and he shrugged his shoulders.

"Don’t know what you’re talking about."

"Yeah yeah, whatever!" Charles laughed and kissed my cheek "Good luck, cara mia, Daniel. Let’s have some fun out there."

Fun? No. Crazy? Yes. The start already saw 4 cars retiring with Checo, Lewis, Norris and Sainz all out of the race. The red flag was waved and George, Oscar and Alonso all had to get some new front wings and tyres. As the race re-started it took only three more laps for the next yellow flag and safety car, Alonso being the fifth car to retire.

"It’s crazy! How many cars are out already? 5?" I radioed.

"Yes 5. Don’t make it 6, focus on your race, please." Pete replied and I chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah…"

I continued, watching Charles and Max battle hard for the race lead.

"Lizzie, red flag, Magnussen out. Careful, there’s a lot of debris." Pete radioed right as I drove over said debris.

"Fuck, I think I’ve damaged my floor. Is Kevin okay?"

"He’s okay. Return to the pits, we need to check your car."

As soon as I was back in the pits and saw Matt’s face when he got up from the floor I knew it was over. I had to retire.

"I’m sorry, Lizzie. It happened so fast, I couldn’t warn you any earlier." Pete apologised as soon as I was out of the car, taking my helmet off.

"It’s alright, it’s not your fault. It sucks but it’s like this." I patted his back.

"Oh wow, Charles 2.0…" he chuckled and I laughed, right when Liam appeared out of nowhere.

"I’m sorry Lizzie." he hugged my waist and I ruffled his hair a little.

"It’s okay, now let’s watch Charlie and Daniel, shall we?" I picked him up and he nodded.

"You have to go the interviews first…" Julie reminded me and I sighed.

"Alright, I’ll be back soon Liam." I kissed his cheek before I put him down on the stool in front of dad, while mum hugged me.

"I’m sorry…" she whispered.

"No, I’m sorry! The first race in a while that you attend and I bottle it."

"You didn’t bottle it. You were unfortunate!" Dad side hugged me and I sighed.

"Yeah, maybe… now let’s hope that Charles wins it and Danny keeps his podium." I shrugged and followed Julie to the media pen.

The interviews were quickly done and on my way back I watched Shima and Joris all cozy in the almost empty Ferrari hospitality. When they saw me they pulled away from each other and I had to laugh. It seemed like she wasn’t here just to see me after all. I walked back into our garage, just in time to see the final lap, Max winning the race, followed by Charles and Daniel.

"He almost won." Liam sighed and I nodded.

"He did. But he had an amazing weekend, just like Danny, we can be proud of them!" I said and he nodded, playing with something in his pocket.

"Can we go to the fence? I want to congratulate them!" Liam said and I smiled.

"Of course, Bubba, let’s go."

I sat Liam on the fence and we looked up at the podium, where Max, Charles and Daniel were spraying the champagne and having a party of their own.

"It’s been a while since I saw him that happy!" Sissy said and I looked at her.

"Oh come on! That’s just a teeny tiny bit more than when he’s with you and Liam!" I said and bumped her shoulder.

"Believe me, that was a mask for a long time… losing his seat was the worst thing that could’ve happen…" she almost whispered it as she looked up again, tears in her eyes. As if Daniel felt that she was looking he turned around, forming a little heart with his fingers and sending it to my sister "Look at this dork!"

I smiled as I saw how my sister blushed. The truth was I’ve never seen her more happy than with Daniel. And with Liam loving him wholeheartedly as well, I knew that she finally found the one. The one that was now approaching us, with the biggest grin on his face, scooping up Liam and whispering something into his ear, the little lad nodding excitedly and handing him something. Daniel handed him over to Charles, who made big eyes as Liam whispered something into his ear. I watched how Daniel swooped up Sissy, twirling her around, saying something to her.

"WHAT?!" she exclaimed loudly and Daniel only nodded and kissed her, then sat her down looking in her eyes "You‘re kidding, right?"

"Hell no! Let’s do it tonight!" he said and took her hand and I almost choked as I saw him slipping a ring onto her finger "Everyone is here! I don’t want to wait a single day! What are you saying?"

"I-I umm…" she looked frantically around, Charles sat Liam down on the ground and he ran up to her.

"Say yes Mummy! YES!" he was overly excited and Charles hugged me from behind, watching what was happening.

"Yes. YES!" Sissy said and Daniel kissed her, before he scooped up Liam and hugged them both.

"What did just happen?" I whispered and Charles kissed my temple.

"Danny Ric just happened." he chuckled and I smiled.

"I don’t even have a dress? This is crazy! Why are we doing this? I mean… come on! We could wait! How are we supposed to plan a wedding in what? 12 hours? It’s the middle of the night? What are we doing?" Sissy was pacing back and forth while Mum, Shima and I just sat there, listening to her rambling.

"It’s Vegas! I think finding a dress won’t be too difficult? Shima’s here, she can fix anything you find into something great! Maybe not your dream wedding dress, but a beautiful one nonetheless? And again, it’s Vegas! This city never sleeps! Planning a wedding shouldn’t be too hard? I mean we are in one of the fanciest hotels already? Let me check if they have a nice location where we can celebrate? Finding a chapel won't be too hard either…" I chuckled and Mum nodded.

"Yeah and it’s not like we’re a whole lot of people? It's doable, maybe it's not the wedding of your dreams… bute he’s the man of your dreams, or not?” she looked at Sissy who smiled.

"You're right! Let’s plan!" she said and sat down.

“Alright, first things first. Guests, I need to know how many people we are to find a location… you and Danny and Liam, his family, that’s 5, us, that’s another 5. Wait I text him if he wants to invite any of the other drivers… alright, let’s talk dresses, Shima that’s your part…" I made a note on my phone, then looked up, Sissy and Mum looking at me with big eyes "What?"

"Nothing… you’re doing great, can I go to bed and you do the rest?"Sissy chuckled and I laughed.

"Nope. You figure out what colours you want, what flowers and stuff like that, while I… oh Danny texted… okay, small wedding, only Max, Christian, his wife and Pierre with Kika… that makes… 18?” I checked my phone and wrote down the names.

"Joris?" Mum said and we all grinned at Shima.
"Yes!" Sissy looked at me and I wrote them down.

"I don’t know why you’re looking at me like that…" Shima mumbled and I laughed.

"Oh shut it… you think you’re subtle, but let me tell you, you’re not… whatever is going on with you and him… we know… so 19."

"Whatever… dresses… I know some designers from here, I text them, let’s see what we can organise? I mean, it’s 2am they won’t answer until the morning, but yeah…" Shima began typing away on her phone.

"Alright, I need a time, when do we start?"

I looked at Sissy and Mum.

"Umm-… maybe 6pm? So everyone can have a little sleep, maybe? I mean, it won’t be a big and long ceremony? It’s Vegas, after all it’s going to be fast and funny?" Sissy said and I nodded.

"Okay… so we are… 19 people? Yeah? That’s doable I guess. I go downstairs to check the front desk… ask them if they have like a little ball room? I don’t know? Something fitting for a wedding? You think about dresses and I don’t know, colours? Food? The other stuff…" I got up.

"What other stuff?" Mum asked and I shrugged.

"I don’t know, you’re married, you planned your wedding, so you know what to do…" I left the room, right when Charles called.

"Hows the wedding planning going?" he asked and I laughed.

"I’m on my way to the front desk, asking for a room and someone who can marry them…"

"Elvis might be a good option." Charles laughed.

"Very original- ha ha… no seriously. Maybe they offer like an all inclusive last minute deal? I don’t know… we’re roughly 20 people, it should be organisable, no?" I sighed a little, leaning against the elevator wall "When are you coming back?"

"Soon, we’re just trying on some suits, Danny found a tailor that’s still open, Vegas, I swear… is the dress shopping also this easy?"

"Shima knows some designers from here, she contacted them, but yeah, probably the real process starts in the morning, but it’s fine, we get there." I yawned a little, entering the lobby "Text me when you’re in your way back, I’m at the front desk now."

"Alright, cara mia, see you later!" he hung up and I walked up to the front desk.

"Good morning, Miss Doetterer, how can I help you?" the lady said and smiled at me.

"Umm- this might sound crazy… but I need a room, location, whatever to held a wedding. Ceremony, reception, party all in one place would be amazing. For around 20 people, today at 6pm?" I said cautiously, expecting the blondes smile to drop.

"Oh believe me, this isn’t even close to the craziest things I’ve been asked for in the past… this is Las Vegas after all, planning a wedding in less than… 15 hours? We can do that." she said, her smile got even brighter "Is it for you and Mr. Leclerc then?"

"What? Oh no- no! It’s for my sister and Danny Ric… umm Daniel Ricciardo." I said hastily and she nodded.

"Very well, let’s plan your sister’s one of a kind Las Vegas wedding then."

"Man, I love Vegas. Let’s plan!"

As I watched my sister and Daniel share their first dance as husband and wife I had to smile. We did it. We planned an amazing wedding. The room looked elegant and classy. The cake looked delicious. The flowers were beautiful. But above all Sissy looked stunning. The dress Shima organised and altered here and there was simple, classy and timeless. Liam in his mini suit running around, looking adorable as ever was just the tip of the iceberg.

"Did I mention before how beautiful you look? That dress is just… wow… what a nice little black dress." Charles whispered in my ear, spinning me around, standing behind me.

"You look not to bad yourself, handsome." I chuckled and he hugged me from behind.

"I’m proud of you. You did all that in less than what? 12 hours?" Charles said, putting his chin on my shoulder, swaying us a little.

"The hotel did most of the job, I told them what we wanted, Sissy said the colours and flowers, Shima took care of the dress and Mum took care of the menu. Given all the input to the hotel, they did the biggest chunk of work." I shook my head a little.

"But you were managing it. And you did amazing. It’s a beautiful wedding. Makes me wonder-…" he stopped abruptly and I turned my head a little.

"Makes you wonder what?" I looked at him.

"Makes me wonder how our wedding will be one day… when you have time to plan it for weeks… considering what you did in a couple of hours."

"To find that out, you need to ask me to marry you first." I chuckled.

"Oh, don’t worry cara mia… I’m planning to." he kissed my cheek and then winked at me, before he left, picking Liam up who tried to have a go at the cake "Little munchkin, you have to wait!"

"But I want now some cake! It looks so fluffy and yummy!" Liam pouted.

"You’ll get your slice, don’t worry! You just have to wait a little!" Charles laughed and Liam sighed.

"Okay… but cakes are the best thing at parties, we should eat them first." he grumbled and walked off, climbing in dad’s lap, probably lamenting his suffering.

Liam was right, the cake was just what he said. Fluffy and yummy. After his second slice and some more dancing mum and dad, bid their farwell, taking Liam with them, right when some waiters brought in a couple of new bottles of champagne.

Daniel grabbed a bottle and began shaking it, before he banged it on the table

"I’d say, let’s party!" Danny popped the bottle and the night began with champagne showers.

Pain. A mind-numbing, throbbing pain. Like someone was scratching at my eyeballs from the insides, a jackhammer doing its worst inside my brain. My stomach began to churn and I groaned, trying to untangle my legs from the sheets and Charles legs, his arms holding me tight around the waist.

"Charles… let go of me…" I whispered, a loud snore my answer "Charles I’m serious… I have to…"

"What is it?" he groaned.

"Have to… throw up…" was the only thing I could manage to breathe out when he let go of me immediately and I stumbled out of bed, tripping over something on the floor "Fuck." I crawled to the bathroom, making it just in time to empty my stomach into the toilet.

"Lizzie? Are you okay?" Charles hoarse voice wafting through the fog in my brain.

"Peachy. Just peachy." I mumbled, slowly getting up from the floor rinsing my mouth "I need…"

"What do you need?"

"I don’t know…" I splashed cold water in my face, feeling some short lived relief from the drumming inside my head "I need pain killers…" I grabbed two hand towels and soaked them in cold water, wrung them out and stumbled back to bed, tripping again over something on the floor.

"What the fuck…" I groaned.

"What the fuck…" the something hissed.

"Pierre?" I sat up, blinking

"Yeah?" he mumbled and Charles switched on the night stand lamp.

"What the fuck are you doing on the floor? In our room?" Charles asked, his voice groggy.

"Don’t know. Don’t care. Switch the light off." he turned away, pulling his blanket over his head.

"There’s a couch. Sleep there!" I whispered but saw how he shook his head.

"Floor is cold. Good for my head." he mumbled and I sighed.

"Alright…" I slowly scrambled back to the bed and climbed in, letting the cold towel

flop on Charles face, he flinched but chuckled a little.

"Thanks, cara mia." he moved over and kissed my cheek.

Half sitting, half laying I rummaged through my bag on the nightstand, looking for some painkillers and popped out a pill as soon as I found them, swallowing it down with some water.

"What happened last night?" I whined, lying back, covering my forehead with the cold towel.

"Your sister and Danny Ric got married." Charles yawned.

"Fuck yes they did!" Pierre laughed on the floor.

"And why are we half dead?" I asked.

"Because none of us knows their limit apparently…" Charles groaned.

"Nope." Pierre half laughed half snored "Can we now maybe be quiet for a bit? My head hurts…"

"Here…" I grabbed the painkillers, popped another pill out and threw the blister then at him, followed by a bottle of water rolled over the floor.

"Ouch!" Pierre whined, when the bottle was stopped by his head "Thank you…"

"Here, for you…" I handed Charles a pill.

"You’re an angel." he kissed my cheek and turned around, grabbing his water.

"What are you even doing in our room, Pierre?" I asked, watching him all sprawled out on the floor, cheeks smushed into the cold marble floor.

"I don’t know… we were at the wedding. We were gambling… we were drinking… we were at a club… we were drinking… we were gambling… I remember In’and’Out Burger and then this cute little white house where we took some pictures. And I swear Elvis was there as well…"

"I wouldn’t say no to a burger…" I whispered and Charles chuckled.

"You get one as soon as we get up…" he kissed my shoulder "Which will be soon… our flight is in a couple of hours."

"How much time do we have left?" I yawned.

"Wait… our flight is at 4… and now it’s… it’s almost 12!" Charles sat up and I flinched "Fuck… sorry, cara mia. But we have to pack, get ready and…"

"For fucks sake! We have time! Shut up now…" Pierre groaned.

"Not agreeing how he said it, but agreeing with what he said…" I shrugged, pulling the blanket over my head "30 minutes… come on…"

"30 minutes! Not one minute longer!"

I sighed contently and closed my eyes. Feeling the throbbing in my head subsiding slowly as the cold towel did its job. The loud snores from Pierre were the only disturbance and as I turned to grab one of the pillows beside the bed to throw at him, I touched my phone the screen illuminating half the room and my look fell on the time.

"FUCK! FUCK!" I shouted, Charles and Pierre both flinching and sitting up "We overslept! It’s almost 2!"

"FUCK!" both boys exclaimed.

Pierre scrambled up, trying to stand looking around like a lost puppy.

"Where is my keycard? Why am I even here." he groaned, searching through his pockets "Fuck."

"Call Kika!" I suggested and Pierre took out his phone, calling his girlfriend.

"Okay, let’s pack…" Charles mumbled, opening up our suitcases, throwing in everything he could find "Here…" he threw one of his hoodies at me, while I grabbed some fresh clothes "Get ready in the bathroom, I handle this mess…"

"Hey! I’m no mess!" Pierre looked at him and I chuckled, disappearing into the bathroom.

My vision was still blurry and I sat down on the bathtub edge, brushing my teeth. I stripped off my clothes, put on some socks and leggings before I washed my face. As soon as the second wave of cold water hit my face and I wiped my eyes I looked in the mirror, my eyes immediately falling on the ring on my left ring finger.

"What the fuck…" I gulped, starring at the silver ring.

"Yeah… what the fuck…" Charles walked slowly inside, holding up his left hand, the same ring adorning his finger.

"What the fuck happened last night…"

Chapter 41 - I hope you guys are feeling as hot after reading, as me when I was writing it 🤭 the infamous Las Vegas race giving us really everything there was to get, including one (two?!) wedding(s) … 👀

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[seeinginthedark]

The other side is getting really good at infiltrating us. It’s heart -breaking when they target the kind people . I take those ones personally . It’s especially hard when they take over people who are close to us . I thought I had connected with three team mates the other week . But ones been brainwashed , ones too traumatised from what they’ve put her through and the third one not only did he turn

And join the other side , but he tried to do a psychic attack on me. And tried to brainwash me. I think he was maybe meant to lead us in some battles. That was maybe his pathway mission .But they succeeded in infiltrating him. He has a following on Facebook. What he told me technically would put someone into a psychosis . But luckily I was already kind of in one so I quickly caught onto what he was trying to do . which was neutralise me. Like how he neutralised the other members of the team. Telling me the good guys won and he took care of everything.on his own .and That’s the wars over I can relax now. I’m like what do u mean it’s over it’s just getting started .

The enemy when it wants to infiltrate us, tend to go after the smart ones, the driven ones , successful ones and the ones who have influence . So that their agenda is successfully implemented and spread out in groups . Lots of different agendas . Designed to create division amongst us. They are like corrupt guards of a prison and we are the inmates. They especially like to get the ones Who are from an indigenous bloodline. That’s a real win for them when that happens . Sometimes I’m grateful that I don’t have an audience that watches my content. I’m Too small time for them to really want to target me . Sometimes I think they mess with the algorithm so that the videos I’m making aren’t getting circulated or show up in searches. Because I notice that when they do get watched, people comment on them. Good feedback and not so good feedback. And I’m good with that because I didn’t start making any decent videos until 2022. All through 2021 I was just on there ranting and video journalling and learning how to edit videos on the kinemaster app and add special effects . So I’m glad I didn’t have a following. Because the videos were just a hot mess. I’m not wanting a big following. The content I’m making maybe isn’t for the gen pop. Just a few.

I noticed today that I still need to clear out the old social programming that I still have floating around .

I’m 38 today and I see that 40 is approaching and I thought to myself “you better have a job by then, by 40 you should have mastered this game.” I was genuinely shocked that I even thought that to myself . As if my self worth in this life is dependent on if i have a career or not . I thought I was past this and that the social programming doesn’t work on me . But I still have some old beliefs I need to shake off . I really liked my old job that I had and I want to go back there .So why am I thinking that I need to “make it “ by the age of 40? Where did this thought come from. If I don’t figure it out I won’t be able to enter into 5th dimension again till it’s sorted out . When you’re in the 5th dimension, the third dimensional social programming doesn’t affect you anymore .

I like to make the videos now as a kind fuck you to enemy because I know they watch them . And I like reminding them that I’m still here, I’m not going away , no matter how hard they try they can never neutralise me. and I can’t be gaslighted by their tactics or put under any illusion or false destiny pathway. I see through it . I’ll keep pushing on , doing what I need to do in this spiritual war that we are in. I’m defiant all the way. But they need to leave my friends and team mates alone because otherwise I’ll get very angry . And I’ll show them no mercy .

[letstrywritingmaybe]

3. Sports AU- Hockey edition

(Re part two of my list of fics ideas I’ll never get to)

As a massive Penguins fan, the influence they hold over this fic is so typical. It pains me because I love one man and he is the captain of my team, while I loathe Shinichi some days. But for the purposes of this fic I have to pretend he’s close to being as amazing as my man.

Have I lost you yet? Probably, let me try and bring it back cause this is an enemies to lovers fic, but also forbidden romance (I assume typical in hockey rpfs? Idk I’m not in that fandom). Because you see in this verse, he’s a hockey player and Shiho, my queen, is a referee (we’ll get to her background later and how she ends up here)

• Shinichi’s been in the league for a while and he’s the captain of the team, also the face of the franchise and is a really good player/teammate. Center man because of my own biases, and of course line mates would have to be Heiji and Kaito (the core/trio for like ever. This is my fic so they’re gonna be wingers, but can also play center I suppose. Point is forwards cause I don’t wanna completely copy my team plus I think they would be better as forwards well maybe Kaito… okay stop)

• being a star player and too good at his job, penalties are not always called… which may also be because refs are the worst (not my queen though but I’m biased)

• my girl has it rough cause listen major sports are still predominantly run by men, so of course every call she makes will be criticized (even if she’s right, and god forbid she misses something. It’s her fault and not her colleagues cause men suck)

• Shinichi doesn’t care that she’s a girl, but they get into it a few times when he thinks she hasn’t been calling things in favor of his team (he’s biased, she didn’t call them cause she saw what was going on and isn’t going to play into favoritism as he’s the golden child. Technically being that good just means he won’t get calls cause the league sucks anyway but still)

• anyways they start off on the wrong foot. After the game Shinichi realizes he may have been too harsh and tries to apologize, which Shiho does accept but it happens again cause there are games at stake here people!

• she isn’t assigned to all of his games of course, so they do get time to admire each other at their job when they have time off. Cause no way he isn’t watching hockey just cause he isn’t playing, and as for Shiho she used to play (we’ll get back to this later)

• during one of the games she refs with him playing, a goon on the other team is an asshole and Shinichi stands up for her. A fight occurs which leads to penalties on both sides, but she does thank him after for trying to diffuse the situation. Unfortunately some guys are assholes and shouldn’t be allowed to play in the league!!

• they slowly become more friendly with each other, and end up kinda cool with each other as time goes on. (This is meant to sorta be a slow burn, but we all know I suck at that which is why I say sorta)

• one night his team plays at home and she’s on a break after being on the job for so long. The last game she refs is that game he was in. She decides to chill and go to the bar where the boys all end up celebrating at. She doesn’t go up to them, choosing to unwind by herself while they’re all being fawned over and getting drunk. Cause they clinched play offs! Yay! He spots her anyway and offers to buy her a drink (he’s not drunk but he has been drinking), she turns him down cause it could cause trouble later on if people find out. He tells her it’s not that big of a deal, besides everyone is drunk and no one is paying attention. She still says no.

• he leaves her be, but two seconds later the bartender gives her a drink courtesy of an anonymous stranger. She naturally guesses it to be Shinichi, who winks at her but stays away for now. She decides to accept it since he’s staying away.

• he of course comes by and teases her about it, to which she rolls her eyes but she finds that he’s not terrible company.

• if it’s not obvious where this is going, then this bullet point says it all. They leave together for a drunken one night stand, in which she totally panics cause this is definitely not okay. Meanwhile he’s also like yeah this is bad but also… they can totally be professional about this.

• they are professionals about it. They don’t let what happened affect their jobs. Just one slight problem, they also can’t quite quit fooling around with each other. (Because guess what? He scores a hat trick after spending the night with her and hello superstition! So of course he’s like we gotta do it again and she’s like are you insane???)

• but they do and while he doesn’t score a hat trick again, he does still score a goal. Leading him to believe this should continue while she’s like absolutely not. It continues cause of course it does. Even though they get eliminated before making it to the cup, which gives her grounds to be like okay we can stop.

• doesn’t happen. They actually get closer during off season where they can just be them without worrying about the hockey world. Basically they fall in love for real.

• this lasts at least two seasons, hockey seasons meaning at least two years (could be longer but idk yet) Which means it’s no longer just hooking up cause they’ve both caught feelings. They even stayed together during off season in a different country where they could actually be a normal couple.

• it isn’t long until they’re basically in a secret relationship. Which is messy enough already, but wait! There’s more! To keep up with his image, Shinichi unofficially has a girlfriend. Unofficial because he’s very much not attached to anyone, but he does have a childhood best friend who thinks otherwise. Which is totally his fault for basically leading her on, cause he never flat out told her he’s not interested. Instead because he’s a softie, he tells her he’s not going to commit to anything because hockey is his life and that’s all he cares about. So she decides to wait for him, thinking when he retires then they can be together.

• now at this point Heiji and Kaito both definitely know something’s going on, but like the good bros they are, they don’t say shit. In fact they help cover it up, cause yeah their captain sleeping with a ref is not a good look when they’re trying to win another championship.

• shinshi become serious, because of course they’re in love (it’s my fic hello). He’s ready to lock it down, but he can’t cause of their jobs. Meanwhile Shiho still feels guilty and keeps thinking they should end it, but can’t get herself to actually end it.

• she basically lives at his place, her stuff is here and she spends most nights here. Ran (I swear I don’t hate her, but she fits the role better okay) notes how distant Shinichi has been, but thinking it’s normal especially during playoffs, just lets him be. But she gets a bad feeling and decides to check up on him, where she finds out about shinshi. She feels betrayed and heartbroken (as she should).

• Shinichi is surprised to see her at his home, an argument ensues. She threatens to expose his relationship unless… he chooses her instead then she will forgive him and pretend everything is fine. (To mirror my Pens, he’s nearing the end of his career and of course he would want to go out with a bang. Another cup with the boys!)

• basically choose hockey or Shiho. It’s a no brainer because I’m writing this fic, he chooses my queen. Which is so shitty for Ran, she leaves. Shiho was asleep already, but woke up when she heard their argument and she hears the ultimatum. She’s stunned when he chooses her, she decides she can’t let him ruin his career for her.

• she goes back to bed and pretends to be sleeping when he comes back in, he calls her out on faking and they have a talk. She tells him she’s not worth it, he says otherwise. Cue confession finally, and crying cause she’s happy they’re in love and it’s not just one sided on her part, but also she knows how much hockey means to him. This would ruin him. Just like how it ruined her.

• finally we get to my queen’s back story! She was a really good hockey player herself! Part of the Olympic team and won gold in the finals! For the next Olympics she was set to also compete, but a jealous team mate made up false accusations and tarnished her reputation. She was shunned by the community, until recently when it came out that she was the victim and never harmed anyone. Which is how she managed to kinda get back into the game and become a ref. Since it had been a while, no one really brought up her past or at least talked about it in depth especially since she was wronged.

• point is, she knows what it’s like to have her career ripped away from her when she wasn’t ready to let it go, so she can’t let the same thing happen to him. She leaves him and quits her job. During playoffs knowing he cannot follow her if the cup and his team are on the line. But she also secretly hopes he goes to her since the place she runs off to, is where they vacationed during the off season when their relationship first began. A small town where people knew who he was, but they let him be and they were away from cameras and stuff so they could be a normal couple.

• now this is not a norm for my fics, but I think realistically this could happen so why not. Guess what? To make things even more dramatic, she’s pregnant. When she finds out, she immediately wants to take everything back. She wants to be with him, but she pushed him away and there’s no way she can drop all this on him during the final series!

• back to the boys, Heiji and Kaito finally confront Shinichi and let him know that they knew all along. To which he’s like how?? And they’re like it was obvious plus we’re besties and also you guys suck at being secretive! You couldn’t wait to go home one time, and really? In the locker room??? But they support him cause they’ve never seen him this happy. Yes hockey is all of their lives, but they have the chance to start a family and share it with them while Shinichi has been all hockey focused. He’s finally met someone who he’s willing to break his rule of nothing serious until the end of his career.

• Shinichi apologizes cause he knows he should be focused on only the game right now, but he can’t stop thinking about her. Being on the ice is fine, but as soon as he’s away he’s thinking about her and how she left him. Then there’s also the drama with Ran

• speaking of, because she’s always known he doesn’t love her, she decides to keep his relationship with Shiho a secret. She won’t tell anyone. Which solves one problem.

• now back to quintessential lots of love things, which means there are only happily ever afters in my book (and clichés) So of course they rally and the team wins another cup! With the help of Heiji and Kaito, Shinichi is able to sneak away and get on the next flight to where he hopes/knows Shiho is.

• he was right, he finds her just as she was missing him and wondering if she should even tell him the news of her pregnancy. She’s stunned to see him, but so happy. They obviously get back together and everything turns out well. No one finds out about the inappropriateness of their relationship, since everyone in the league thinks it happened after Shiho quit.

• an epilogue of sorts. Shinshi is married and their baby boy is healthy. Shinichi is at home watching over their son, because Shiho is back on the ice again. It’s been a long time coming, but she’s finally able to make a comeback. If their son doesn’t end up playing hockey too it would be a shame given how it’s in both his parents’ blood.

The end. That’s my basic outline of this fic that I dreamed up immediately after realizing I could totally write this verse. I have the American football and baseball one sorta planned out too. But with it being hockey season, and this was the one I had a complete vision of, I decided to bullet point it out here first. Which hopefully means I won’t actually have to write the fic now that I’ve just rambled about it here.

[anintrovertsdiary]

This week, I made a friend.

Don’t get me wrong, I never had anything against Reagan. He’s always been a gentleman and he’s always been a good friend to Ryan. Even when it felt like he was going through moments of mania, I felt safe around his company. Honestly even when he tore off his underwear one day in front of everyone, I didn’t think anything less of him. There was always this aura around the company of the four of them, Ryan, Reagan, James and Howard, where I knew they would always protect me, emotionally and physically.

In college, Reagan dated Rebekah who was a year younger than us. She drove this Kia soul and I think we all cringe inside when we see them 1. Because they’re Kia souls 2. Because she voluntarily picked one out for her parents to buy her (rich Southern California kid that can afford out of state tuition and goes up to pnw for college). That tells you enough about someone. She was also a part of a sorority which you’d think meant she had a lot of friends that were probably all interchangeable white blondes and brunettes. But for some reason, she was the unspoken fifth roommate of the house on Vinyard Ave. The house also had a driveway that could fit 3 cars but one after the other so she would park her car in the driveway blocking in the other two cars and then go about her day, the idea never crossing her head that 1. She didn’t even technically live there 2. James and Howard couldn’t use their cars while she was parked there.

Anyways, I thought they were for sure end game when they both tested for the same food allergies/sensitivities. Broccoli slaw was a favorite date night dinner for them. Also note that she never had a job in college and her lifestyle of ‘alt’ urban outfitters clothes and vegan eggs that cost triple of actual eggs was funded my her parents or her trust fund. Same difference. But yet if Rebekah was at the grocery store, she’d buy Reagan the banana he requested and then proceeded to Venmo request him 19¢.

I honestly didn’t care much for Rebekah. She was just kind of there. Sure it was nice having another girl around sometimes, but her presence made no difference in my life if I’m being honest. She never wanted to drink or do any other illegal/legal activities. I remember buying Reagan and Rebekah a joint once (legal in pnw) and I’m sure she would add that to her list of worst gifts she’d ever received. Even her parents would do a gummy every once in a while. C’mon.

Anyways, post college, they continue dating. Rebekah moves back to Southern California, Reagan moves to LA. I can’t remember the exact events but leading up to the breakup, Reagan was driving for some reason, an earth polluting amount. Taylor swift levels of carbon emissions. There was an urgency for him to do it in person so he drove from his parents house in our college town all the way to Southern California and then back or something along those lines. A concerning amount for someone post break up to be on the road by themselves.

Reagan was my friend but it wasn’t until the last few days of 2022 where I could say I was his friend because I wanted to be and not as a default of Ryan’s extensions. In college, Reagan and I would watch the intramural water polo games that Ryan and Rebekah both played in. The team name probably had the word cum or cream or load in it which gives you a picture of the maturity level of these men.

Right after graduation, I moved east and he moved down to Southern California to work in the film industry, 3 years later we’re finally in Portland at the same time. I had never had real conversations with Reagan until we were smoking on the balcony of my apartment having the most casual conversation about our trauma. It was the kind of conversation that might make some people cry if they heard it but we both knew that we both just two people catching up on our latest trauma and what has changed in 3 years. Not that we couldn’t cry in front of each other. I know we can.

At the end when there was nothing left to smoke, Reagan had said something along the lines of “I’m looking into your eyes and it’s like if there was a pool of water beneath us and you jumped, my eyes would just follow yours and I would subconsciously jump too”. The moon was out.

We dropped Reagan off at the airport, I’ll say I was Reagan-ed out. Nothing was left unsaid. Raw emotions were shared between two people that never would’ve thought they’d enjoy each others company.

Here’s what I learned about Reagan:

- Reagan loves Ryan. I know Ryan smiles ear to ear when he’s reunited with him. You know that laugh Ryan does when he actually thinks something is funny. It’s like high pitched and annoying but you never get tired of hearing it.

- I like talking to Reagan about pop culture because Ryan’s never caught up and the only people I can talk to about pop culture are my friends Peter who is gay and Eliza. So it is interesting hearing the perspective of a straight wasian man.

- Reagan is a hard worker. But I already knew that.

- Reagan has a big heart and is deserving. He deserves to be loved and he deserves to be understood.

- There are a lot of versions of Reagan. I’ve witnessed his highs and low. I’m excited to see his success and I’m proud to call him my friend.

[sweetyyhippyy]

Late Arrival. Spencer Reid x Reader.

(Not my gif)

Summary: Spencer is coming back home after an out of state case runs long. You fall asleep waiting for him, and when he finally does come home, he sees your outfit and there is no way he can’t wake you up for a proper homecoming.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

TW: Brief mentions of masturbation (male and female), sleepy sex?? (I don’t know how to refer to it), calling Spencer daddy (duh), fingering, reader trying to be dom and Spencer teasing, unprotected sex, creampie, a lot of praise kink.

Word Count: 3.2k

A.N: I saw @fics4arainyday​ put that she wanted someone to write this concept, so i did! I hope you like it! Also, I’m bad at ending fics so 😬... sorry! 

link for lingerie I refer to: x 

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It had been 3 agonizingly slow weeks since your fiancé had been home.

Being engaged to an FBI profiler wasn’t always easy. The days, even weeks being apart, Spencer coming home at all hours of the night too exhausted to stay awake and spend time with you, missing birthdays, holidays, anniversaries being states away on those occasions.

But in all honesty, you still wouldn’t have it any other way.

Nobody else could make you laugh the way Spencer did. Nobody else could make you think the way Spencer did. Nobody could lovingly annoy the crap out of you the way Spencer did. And most importantly, nobody could fuck you the way Spencer did.

He has been gone for 3 weeks, but the week before he left, there wasn’t a lot of sexy time going on since you were busy with your own job. It was the occasional quickie before having to rush getting ready for work in the morning, a quick mutual masturbation session on a lazy weekend, but no real “wake the neighbors” fuck that you were so desperately craving. Keeping a healthy sex life was important to both of you.

So when you got the call from Spencer that the case was finally over and he would be coming home that same night, you knew it was go time.

You didn’t have much self control when it came to online shopping when Spencer was gone, what else were you supposed to do? The goldfish you two had as a pet wasn’t much company.

So you had treated yourself to a few new pairs of lingerie. Spencer was going to love all of them, but there was one in particular that you knew he was going to lose his mind over. It was baby blue see through with a floral pattern throughout the slip. It left very little to the imagination but that was your favorite part about it. Technically you were supposed to wear some sort of underwear but the slip looked better without it.

You took a hot deep shower and pampered yourself a few hours before you knew he was going to be home, that way you were nice and relaxed and ready for his arrival. You kept your hair simple since Spencer would be pulling at it all night. But you did put some makeup on just to enhance Spencer’s favorite part of your face, your eyes.

The mood of the room was set; the bed was perfectly made, the candle you had given Spencer for a “just because present” called “Bookstore” smelling like mahogany, leather, and coffee; lit on the bedside table. It was meant for him but you enjoyed it much more than him. All that was missing was Spencer.

You looked at the time on your phone, only 10 more minutes before Spencer was due home. You lay on your side of the bed, flipping through tv channels to find something to watch to occupy your time.

***

Spencer turns the key to turn the car off, he drops his hands from the steering wheel into his lap, letting out a deep sigh. He could have been home over 3 hours ago but the jet back home was having engine issues, so the team had to fly through a regular airport… which meant waiting for a flight.

The case wasn’t particularly a rough one emotionally, it was just long. Spencer missed you like crazy within the first few days of being away. Late night phone calls weren’t the same as physically being with you.

Spencer grabbed his satchel, leaving the rest of his baggage to lug up to the house until tomorrow when he had enough rest. As he’s walking up the driveway he can see the light on from the kitchen, signaling you were awake and waiting on him. He knew how much you hated waiting, so by now he knew you were seething with rage. There was about to be a lot of apologizing he was going to have to do. Spencer unlocks the front door, dropping his bag next to the front door and kicking his shoes off right next to it.

“Babe?” Spencer calls out, removing his jacket and hanging it up on the back of the couch. He listens for an answer, but all he hears is the slight murmur of the tv from your bedroom.

Spencer begins to unbutton his shirt as he walks down the hallway to the blue hue of the tv shadowing onto the floor. He steps into the room, spotting you curled up on top of the comforter fast asleep. Before he could appreciate how adorable you looked, softly snoring, he noticed the little outfit you were wearing. You laid there on your belly, one leg straight while the other bent up on the pillow next to you.

He scans your body through the see through fabric, spotting the lack of underwear on your lower half while your butt was fully exposed to him. You were practically a step away from being naked. He quietly walks over to the bed and touches the hem of the slip and carefully hikes it up your butt, not earning a reaction from you.

Spencer quickly sheds his shirt off and throwing it off to the corner of the room along with his dark slacks, kicking them off quickly. Spencer carefully climbs into the bed behind you, laying on his side and palming himself through his boxers to get himself hard, which really didn’t take much as his eyes rake over your body and his imagination runs wild about all the things he was about to do to you. He hisses as he strokes himself harshly, his cock growing harder every second.

Your body shifts next to him, a low grumble coming from your mouth as you shift in bed onto your side, your ass now completely facing him.

Spencer’s eyes widen seeing you move, he didn’t want to get caught stroking himself less than a few inches from where he wanted to be. He finally scoots closer to your body, resting his hands on your bare hip, your skin a little cold from the lack of bed sheet or clothing on you. He lines himself up with your entrance, slowly slipping in between your folds, not yet sliding in. He rubs the tip of his cock up and down you, finding you were already a bit wet.

Your whole body jumps a loud gasp filling the room which makes Spencer pull himself back. Your head turns quickly behind you to look at Spencer, a little glimmer of fear in your eyes. “What the fuck?” You whisper yell at him.

“I’m home. And I see you left a present for me.” He says, whispering in your ear. “Is this okay?” He asks, his hand moving down your thigh and lifting it slightly for easier access.

“I don’t know. I’m pretty annoyed you were so late. I’m kind of not in the mood anymore.” Your voice was laced with sarcasm as you cocked your eyebrow at Spencer.

He licks his lips, a smirk on his face appearing as he picks up on the little game you’re playing with him. “No? Well I think I have some apologizing to do.” Spencer says, moving the strap of your outfit out of his way, kissing up your shoulder and over to your neck.

Your eyes flutter closed at the feeling of his soft lips pecking at your skin, a low hum coming from deep within your chest.

“You know I missed my girl so much while I was gone.” He says, his hand traveling up the underside of your outfit all the way up your stomach and up to your breasts, kneading one in his large hands as he spoke in your ear. “I missed waking up to you.” Kiss. “Seeing your beautiful face.” Kiss. “Hearing those sexy moans about how good daddy makes you feel when I’m touching you.” Kiss. “And how wet you get without me even trying.” Kiss.

You were putty in his hands, the game of trying to be tough was no longer working, and Spencer was fully aware of it.

His hand leaves your breast and goes back down to between your legs, his fingers running over your inner thighs, intentionally skipping over your core.

You whine as his fingers tickle you, scooting your body back against him. “Spence.” You pathetically whine, taking his hand and leading it to your throbbing middle. You keep your hand on top of his as you feel him play with your slit, feeling all the wetness that was seeping out of you.

“You want me to touch you?” He asks, kissing the spot below your ear.

“Please, baby?” You beg, turning your torso enough to look at him, pouting your bottom lip out ever so slightly.

His fingers part your lips, finding your bud immediately and slowly drawing lazy circles around it. Your body reacts immediately, relaxing against his body as he massages you. Your hand moves back to tangle in his hair, pushing his head closer to yours, your lips meeting for the first time in 3 weeks. His fingers continue to work their magic, as you two heavily make out with one another; his tongue slipping into your mouth and yours into his.

Your body quivers as Spencer drops his fingers down to the pool of wetness between your legs, two of his fingers slipping inside.

You pull back from the kiss, gasping loudly. “Fuck.” Your eyes flicker to his face, your mouth agape.

“It amazes me how tight you are. I’ve been with you for almost 6 years and it’s always so amazing.”

You moan in response, not being able to form words at the moment.

The room is filled with the sounds of the wetness Spencer is drawing out of you and your breathy moans. Your high was coming quicker than anticipated, Spencer could feel it in your body and could see it in your face.

You cling onto his forearm, keeping him in place. Spencer liked to play games like denying you of your orgasms, but you weren’t going to let him this time. Your eyes rolled back in your head as you fought to keep them open but you were far too overstimulated at this point. The knot came undone as you clenched around his fingers, a string of curse words and desperate moans fall from your mouth as you ride your high out.

“That’s it. Good girl.” Spencer coos, still slowly drawing what you have left out as you try to regain your breath. He kisses your cheek and moves his fingers out of you carefully. “Do you want to taste?” He questions.

You roll over onto your back, nodding your head and grabbing his hand, bringing it up to your lips, and letting him slip his middle and ring finger in your mouth. You swirl your tongue around his fingers, sucking on them harshly.

Spencer looks at you in admiration as you look up at him with innocence in your eyes. “I love that I’m the only person that knows how much of a dirty girl you are.”

You open your mouth to let his fingers free, smiling at him. “And I like that I can be your dirty girl.” You say, wrapping your fingers in his curls and bringing his head down to kiss him. “Come here, I want to give you your welcome home celebration.” You say, moving him off of you.

“Normally I’m all for that, but I need to be in you. I’m not going to last long if you use your mouth.”

You sit up on the bed and get up onto your knees, pulling Spencer up to sit up too. You straddle his lap, cupping his face in your hands, rubbing both of your thumbs on his cheek, feeling a bit of stubble in his face. “You look tired, my love.”

Spencer smiles, wrapping his arms around your back, pulling you into his chest. “Not too tired to finish.”

You laugh, kissing him softly. “No? You can go all night? Multiple times?” You teasingly question.

“We can test that theory tomorrow. But right now, we have 3 weeks worth of tension we need to work out.”

“Can I ride you?” You ask.

“Be my guest. I like the view.” He smirks, laying back down against the mattress, his hands gripping both of your thighs.

You get into position, holding his cock steady while you lower yourself down slowly.

Spencer rolls his head back on the pillow, grunting loudly as he feels your tightness around himself. His hands move up your thighs and under your outfit to your hips, gripping them tightly.

You rest your hands on his chest to keep balance, slowly starting to rock your hips against him. Your eyes stay glued to him, watching how his lips were parted and light moans were falling from him. “Do you like that?”

Spencer nods his head, his eyes focusing on your chest bouncing up and down in rhythm of your movements on him. He was trying to focus on anything else in the world to prevent himself from cumming too early.

“Tsk, tsk… words baby.” You tease, scratching his chest with your nails. “You never don’t know what to say.”

“It’s cute when you try to be the one in control.”

“I know I’m cute. You tell me quite often.” You retort with a wide grin.

Your comment earns a laugh from him, playfully rolling his eyes at you. Spencer begins to buck his hips up quickly, taking you by surprise. His fingers move the straps down your shoulders, helping you move your arms out of the straps as you continue to move on top of him. He moves the top half of your outfit down under your chest, his hands like magnets and begins massaging your breasts.

“Fuck, daddy,” You whimper, holding his forearms as he fucks into you. “That’s so good, you’re so good.”

Spencer sits up, letting you take control again. His thumb finds your clit, starting to rub it slowly, his soft brown eyes watching you melt into his touch.

Your eyes roll into the back of your skull, small whimpers leaving your mouth. You lean your body forward and nuzzle your head into Spencer’s neck. You start to kiss his pale skin, raking your teeth against it.

“Mmm, fuck.” Spencer moans out, applying more pressure to your clit as he feels a small pinch on his neck. “You going to cum for me again, pretty girl?”

“Not yet.” You whine in his ear.

“I’m going to move you. I want to fuck you.” Spencer says, moving your body off of his, earning a whine from you as his cock leaves you. “Bend over for daddy.” He says, helping you lay flat on the mattress while your butt is in the air, facing him. “Mmm, you’re so pretty, my girl.” He says in a low voice, both of his hands kneading your ass.

You whine pathetically, pressing yourself against him. “Daddy, please.”

Spencer smiles, grabbing his cock and slowly sliding back inside you. “It’s cute when you try to take control, but even cuter when you’re a whiny mess.” His hand grips the back of your outfit to hold onto as he fucks you from behind. This was his absolute favorite way to have you because of how hard he could slam into you, but the reaction you gave was even better.

Your hand finds his wrist and holds onto it as he  thrusts into your dripping pussy. He could feel how you were coating his cock every time he drew himself back out of you. “I love your cock.” You mutter out.

“This is your cock, baby. You take it so fucking well.” He grunts out, now struggling to keep from exploding. Anytime you fully submitted to him, he was done for.

You had such a strong personality outside of the bedroom that most people wouldn’t believe you were submissive 9 times out of 10.

“Am I your good girl for taking you so well?” You question, looking behind you to look at Spencer with innocent eyes.

His heart and cock fluttered at both your question and your eyes, you always played the innocent card so well. He grabs all of your hair in his hand and gently pulls it back toward him, making you whimper again. “You’re always a good girl for me, my love.” He responds. “Such. A. Good. Girl.” He thrusts into you harshly with each word.

You start to rub your own clit, bringing your second orgasm to the surface for the second time tonight. “You’re going to make me-fuck-me cum. Don’t stop, please don’t stop, daddy.” You were gasping as you spoke, desperate for your release.

“Cum for me, let go my girl.” Spencer says, taking over for your fingers to help bring you to your height. He rubs you quickly, trying not to lose it before you.

Finally you feel your walls clench around his cock, both of you moaning loudly. You moan Spencer’s name along with multiple curse words as he continues to rutt into your sensitive hole.

Spencer pulls out quickly, rubbing himself as he feels his own climax coming to a head.

“No, come back. Put it back in me, please.” You whine, reaching behind you to find Spencer’s cock and lead it back into you.

“You want me to cum in you? You want it inside you?” Spencer groans, seconds away from losing it.

“Please. Cum in me, Spence.” You beg, meeting his thrusts.

Spencer thrusts one last time before he spills himself inside of you, his grip on your hips squeezing as you slowly stop throwing your hips back against him. “Fuck, you’re so good.” He whispers, his eyes shutting as he feels the tip of his cock tingle.

Both of you stay in place as you try to regain your composure. You can already feel your eyes flutter closed, heavy from being tired. Spencer finally pulls out of you, making you hiss and lay flat on the bed.

“Baby, come on, we gotta go clean you up.”

“No.” You whine, closing your eyes again.

“You need to use the bathroom and clean yourself up. We have this conversation every time you’re too tired to get up. Come here, I’ll help you.”

You poke your bottom lip out into a pout as you reluctantly get out of bed, holding Spencer’s hand as you walk into your bathroom together. He helps clean the mess inside you up with a wet towel before leaving you alone to use the toilet.

Once you’re all settled, you walk back into the bedroom, finding Spencer getting the bed ready for both of you to lay down. You wrap your arms around his waist and hug him from behind tightly. Spencer happily hums, reaching behind himself to touch your arm.

“I love you.” You say, giving him a squeeze.

“And I love you.” He says, pulling you around to give you a kiss on the lips. “Do you want to sleep?”

You nod your head, climbing into bed first and getting comfortable right away as you watch Spencer slide in next to you, laying on his side to face you.

You grin ear to ear, kissing his chin. “Hi baby.”

“Hi pretty girl. You good?” He questions, lightly touching your cheek. You lean into his touch and nod. “I’m perfect.”

Spencer brings you into his chest, his fingers rubbing small circles into your shoulder. “Yeah, you are perfect.”

[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 12

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Let's bring this thing home! It's time for the conclusion of the essay series!

Conclusion With a stupidly long essay series behind us, it's time to look at what we've learned! Let's go back to Part 1 and review what we needed from Van Zieks's character development for a fully rounded redemption arc, shall we?

1) Present an antagonistic (possibly immoral) force who personifies Ryunosuke’s biggest personal obstacle/weakness, in this case racial prejudice. 2) Humanizing traits begin to show. OPTIONAL: A backstory to justify any immorality he has. 3) Over time, Barok has his realization and sees the error of his ways. 4) Barok atones for his immorality, not simply through apology but by taking decisive steps. 5) The cast around him acknowledges his efforts and forgives him.

And looking at the main game (plus additional dialogue), we have...

1) Antagonistic force:

Etc. etc. I have many of these. We can all agree that as an antagonistic force, he does his job quite well. CEO of Racism and White Privilege in the flesh. It works, since we as the audience get very frustrated and want to see him defeated.

2) Humanization:

Giving him an old friend to be a defendant was a brilliant move, really. Albert's reflection on the friendship and the person Van Zieks used to be really helped flesh him out and make him appear more like a human being with, y'know, emotions and weaknesses. The little snippets of dialogue in his office really help too. Presenting evidence can also lead to fun tidbits. All in all, considering how gruff and distant Van Zieks is, they really did their very best to humanize him. The writers were given very little to work with but they exploited every opportunity to come their way.

OPTIONAL backstory:

Again, I don't think we needed a tragic backstory to have a well-rounded, redeemable character. Still, it ties in very expertly to the game's plot and the motivations of quite a few other characters. The story of Klint van Zieks and his death isn't necessarily Barok van Zieks's backstory, it's the center of an intricate web which also holds Kazuma, Stronghart, Gregson, Jigoku, (S)Holmes, Mikotoba, Sithe, Drebber- I could go on. A LOT. So because of how very integrated it is into the main narrative's recurring themes and characters, I'll give it props for being relevant and well thought out. The bigger question is: Does it justify his immorality? Not entirely. I think the game could have gotten more out of this if they'd involved the other two exchange students in this tale just a bit more. They could have given more attention to how Jigoku's aggressive behavior in the trial impacted Van Zieks, and explained whether he might've suspected Mikotoba of sabotaging (S)Holmes's investigation. If the narrative had done that, all three Japanese people to come to London would have been ‘the bad guy’ in Van Zieks's eyes and it would have given more credence to his racial generalization. They could have also given more attention to how the people around him reacted to Genshin being the Professor, because I'm sure Stronghart and Gregson stoked the fire in terms of xenophobia. As it stands, there isn't really enough there to justify hatred of an entire race as opposed to just one person.

3) Realization/Redemption

We see him already start to realize the error of his ways around the end of 1-5, which is technically only about halfway into the full narrative. Unfortunately, thanks to 2-2 being played afterwards (but chronologically set before 1-5), any progress made in 1-5 can become invalidated in the player's eyes. Growth works best when it's done linear. Don't get me wrong, flashbacking to earlier times when a character is still more morally tainted can work well, but it needs to be executed properly. Barok's behavior in 2-2 is downright insulting towards the audience itself and therefore, it causes emotional friction when relaying the narrative endgoal of redemption. It also makes it extra jarring when we hit 2-3, and suddenly Van Zieks is meant to be relying on the protagonist's desire to expose the truth. How on earth can we as the audience trust that Van Zieks believes in Ryu's abilities when we just came fresh out of a case where this man actively sabotages Ryu's efforts?

Still, the line of redemption continues from 2-3 into 2-4 well enough. He admits that he was wrong- that his hatred was illogical and that he needs to change. This is the very definition of redemption. I need to stress once more this is not to be confused with atonement, which comes next.

4) Atonement

Here it is. It's not enough to simply acknowledge mistakes; one needs to work hard to fix them. Since Van Zieks is the defendant for two whole episodes, equaling roughly 20% of the full narrative and 67% of the time following his first true realization (chronologically), there isn't much that he can actively do to atone. Because remember, not only do these actions need to fit the situation he's currently in, they need to fit his personality. These two limitations ensure the atonement mostly takes the form of dialogue. Of apologies.

One might want to point out that he never apologizes specifically for his racism, but there's a reason for that. If you pay close attention, you'll notice that there isn't a single character who ever uses a word like “racism”, “xenophobia” or even “racial prejudice” in this game. It's for the same reason you'll never see an Ace Attorney character utter words like “alcoholism”, “drug abuse” or “depression”. These things may be implied very strongly, to the point where you'll know for certain a character is suffering from it, but it's never given these exact labels. It has to do with the tone of the game. In Great Ace Attorney's dialogue, Barok van Zieks is only ever described as holding “a deep hatred for Japanese”, which is then the only thing he could apologize for. And he does, so long as you aren't looking for a literal phrasing of “I apologize for my deep hatred of your people”.

Regardless, he can't take more active, decisive action until he's freed from prison and two scenes with Van Zieks later, the game has ended. He still manages to take two actions, though! The first is to publicize the truth of the Professor, taking the blame of the mass murders off Genshin's shoulders (and losing his own privilege in the process). The second is to take Kazuma under his wing as his disciple. I'm not certain there's anything else the narrative could have had him do. What is decisively missing, however, is the following:

5) Acknowledgment

The above aren't good examples of cast acknowledgment that Van Zieks is taking part in a redemption arc, rather, they're the best I could find. Characters are acknowledging that he's changing- that he's being kinder to them and they can get along with him now, but they're not acknowledging that he caused hurt in the first place. This, in my opinion, is the Great Ace Attorney's biggest narrative flaw. I've talked before about how Ryu's reaction to Van Zieks's racism is 'indirect communication', a typically Japanese manner of dealing with negativity. I've also talked about how Ryu is not in a position to speak up, as he's a literal minority who is there to represent his country in an official capacity and can’t afford to make enemies. However, characters like Susato and Kazuma are far more outspoken in their opinions, as is Soseki. The only one who ever calls Van Zieks out on his racism is the British judge, and even that is done very meekly. When an old crusty white guy is the one who condemns white privilege in a cast full of minorities, you've got a problem. The Japanese cast's refusal to acknowledge that Van Zieks's words were harmful is like Team Avatar telling Zuko that sure, he can join since he's a good guy now, but never once acknowledging that he burned down villages or betrayed everyone's trust in Ba Sing Se. There's something very vital missing, see? If indeed the cast had called Van Zieks out more actively on his harmful ways and how necessary it was for him to change, he in turn could have taken more atonement steps in response.

So, for the conclusion: Does Barok van Zieks tick all the necessary boxes for a complete redemption arc? Yes. In a very technical sense, all the requirements are there. But does that mean it's a successful arc? Not necessarily. The game has a few slip-ups, a few things not executed as well as they could have been. For that reason, whether the audience is satisfied with the arc is entirely up to them. Taking into consideration that they had to cram a whole lot of story into just two games- the second game in particular, I can acknowledge they did their very best with the limitations that were there.

And there we have it! That’s all I could think to say on the matter. I hope everyone who read this till the very end enjoyed it, maybe even learned a thing or two. I’m always open to questions, input and constructive criticism!

[remnantoforario]

Remnant’s Top Ten Anime of 2020

2020 Was certainly a ride wasn’t it? To those that managed to make to make it through in one piece, or any piece, good job. Hopefully 2021 is better to us all. 

Despite the world mostly being on fire, I’d hazard to say that a lot of good shows came out in 2020 (despite a number of them being delayed to either later in the year or this year altogether). I meant to release this list much earlier, but I kept changing it around. 

Anyway, here are the ones I thought were the best. 

Honorable Mentions:

Dorohedoro

Synopsis: The plot centers on a man named Caiman and his search for his real identity after a transformation by a sorcerer left him with a reptile's head and no memory of his former life. 

Along with his friend Nikaido, he violently assaults sorcerers in the Hole, with the aim of taking their heads into his mouth, where a strange face will appear and confirm whether the sorcerer he has bitten onto was the one responsible for his transformation or not.

As the residents of the Hole, the En family and the Cross-Eyes gang, along with many others, collide with one another, the mystery of Caiman's identity begins to unravel, reigniting ancient grudges and threatening to forever change both the Hole and the sorcerers' world.

Thoughts: This is the only Netflix anime I watched this year (I missed out on Great Pretender before the year ended), and I can honestly say I had fun with this one. It’s animation was good, the story was engaging enough, and the characters were all unique (Noi best girl). The one problem I would say with the show is that it can come off as unfocused at times, meandering from one plaot point to another with no real connective tissue. 

Still a fun series though. 

ID: Invaded

Synopsis: The anime follows the investigations of Narihisago, a renowned detective now in prison, who is tasked with diving into the id wells of various serial killers. 

Two years prior to the current events, Narihisago's daughter Muku was brutally murdered by a serial killer, leading Narihisago's wife to commit suicide. These deaths prompted him to hunt down and murder the killer, earning him his prison sentence. He is still depressed and haunted by his wife and daughter's deaths, but also uses this as motivation to take his work seriously and help stop serial killers. 

Thoughts: One of a handful of original series that came out this year. This show gave me heavy Inception/Minority Report vibes from both its premise and presentation. It wobbles under the weight of its own concepts towards the end, but it still a fun ride nonetheless. 

Gleipnir 

Synopsis: The story centers on Shuichi Kagaya, a high school student with an unusual secret. He has the ability to transform into a monster resembling a giant dog mascot costume with a zipper down his back and a large cartoonish smile. After rescuing a strange girl, Claire Aoki, from a warehouse fire, they join each other to search for Claire's older sister, who is assumed to be responsible for the death of their parents.

Thoughts: When the initial rollout for this show began I admit I wasn’t really a fan. I thought it was just going to be a hyper violent, fanservice show. Now in some ways it is that, but if you really look Gleipnir tells a very interesting tale of identity and what it truly means to have a wish granted. The music was pretty good as well, and that’s really something from me as a person who doesn’t pay attention to soundtracks. 

Hope this show gets a season 2, but if not I’ll more than likely start the manga. 

Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina

Synopsis:  Fascinated by the stories of Niké, a witch who traveled around the world, Elaina aspires to take the same course. Her determination of studying books and magic leads to her becoming the youngest apprentice witch to pass the sorcery exam. 

However, when Elaina attempts to receive training in order to become a full-fledged witch, she is rejected due to her extraordinary talents until she finds Fran, the "Stardust Witch," whom accepts her. After earning her title, the "Ashen Witch," Elaina begins her exploration around the world, visiting and facing all kinds of people and places.

Thoughts: As a fan of the Light Novels, I was pretty excited when it was announced it was getting an anime. For the most part it didn’t disappoint. Though it skipped most of the stories in the novels, the show still told a few good stories that made for some amazingly animated tv. 

Talentless Nana

Synposis: In the near future, mysterious monsters known as the "Enemies of Humanity" begin to appear, and with it so do children with supernatural powers called the "Talented". To prepare them for the upcoming battle against these Enemies, all the Talented are sent to a school located on a deserted island, where they have all their daily needs provided for until they graduate and communication with the outside world is forbidden. 

One day, a new student named Nana Hiiragi arrives at the school. Her friendly and cheerful personality lets her quickly make friends with the class. However, with Nana comes a whole litany of mysterious occurrences on the island. 

Thoughts: I can’t say too much about Nana without spoiling it’s first episode twist, but I will say that its a pretty interesting show with a fairly compelling game of cat and mouse being played. 

Now on the the actual list:

10. The Misfit of Demon King Academy 

Synopsis: After 2,000 years of countless wars and strife, the demon king Anos Voldigoad made a deal with the human hero, Kanon, to sacrifice his own life to ensure peace could flourish. Reincarnating 2,000 years later, Anos finds that royal demons now harshly rule over lower class hybrid demons in a society that values Anos's pureblood descendants over the demons who interbred with other species, such as humans and spirits. 

Finding that magic as a whole has begun to decline and his descendants weaker as a result of the peace he created, Anos, now technically a hybrid himself, decides to reclaim his former title of Demon King, but first, he must graduate from the Demon King Academy where he is labeled a total misfit.

Thoughts: Originally I was going to put Nana in this spot, but its lack of a real ending pushed it out of the list. If only slightly. Misft at Demon Academy is just a fun ride from start to finish. There’s always something about shows with ridiculous OP protagonists (Overlord, One Punch Man, etc.) that gets the blood pumping. 

It’s like junk food. Great for the right moment, but not needed all the time. 

9. Ikebukuro West Gate Park

Synopsis:  A charismatic troubleshooter tries to keep the peace between warring factions while protecting his loved ones in Ikebukuro West Gate Park.

Thoughts: I honestly had no idea what to make of this show when I first saw the synopsis, but I gave it a try on a whim. I’m glad I did because this was easily the dark horse of the Fall season. I really liked the mostly self contained story format the series had, and there were a few very good episodes here. Check it out. 

8.  My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

Synopsis: Catarina Claes, the young daughter of a noble family, one day bumps her head and regains memories of her past life as an otaku. It is then that she realizes she has been reborn into the world of the otome game Fortune Lover, reincarnated as the game's villainess who, regardless of what route the player took in the original game, is doomed to be either killed or exiled. 

In order to avoid these routes that lead to doom, Catarina begins taking countermeasures to try and avoid things going the same way as the game. This, however, ends up having unexpected consequences on her relations with the other characters of the game's world.

Thoughts: Normally I’m not a fan of Reverse/Otome harem series, but somehow Bakarina managed to pull me in, to a good result. This show was easily one of the best comedies I watched this year with a good cast and a likable protagonist. 

7.  Deca-Dence 

Synopsis: In the fortress city of Deca-dence, the lowly Tanker girl, Natsume, dreams of becoming a Gear warrior following her father's death during a Gadoll attack. She is assigned to a maintenance team led by Kaburagi whom she discovers is more than he appears. Kaburagi has a secret role in eliminating "bugs", humans who threaten Solid Quake's operations. 

When Kaburagi discovers that Natsume is listed as dead in the company database, he decides to keep her under observation and offers to train her to fight.

Thoughts: Giant monsters and giant robots. What more do you need? Watch it. 

6. A Certain Scientific Railgun T

Synposis: The Daihasei Festival has begun, and that of course means that Tokiwadai Middle School—a prestigious all-girls' middle school—is competing too. Despite the participation of the "Ace of Tokiwadai," Mikoto Misaka, the other students who are participating are still putting their utmost effort into winning, no matter how impossible the feat may seem against her might. However, not all is fun and games. Due to the the festival, Academy City opens to the outside world, and various factions have begun plotting ways to infiltrate the city. Misaka appears to be on their radar, and as the festival proceeds, people lurking from the shadows begin to emerge...

Thoughts: Not really much to say here. It’s the third season of Railgun, but good thing here is that each season of Railgun is better than the last. Truly the best of the To Aru universe. 

5. BOFURI: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, so I'll Max Out My Defense.

Synposis: Urged on by her friend, Kaede Honjō begins playing the VRMMORPG NewWorld Online under the name Maple. Not wanting to get hurt, Maple opts to be a shield user with maxed out defense stats, and continues putting every status point she earns in the game into increasing only her defense level. 

As a result, she is left with slow foot speed and no magic, but her high defense allows her to endure most hits without taking any damage. This, along with her basic-level creative thinking, allows for her to make unexpected accomplishments in the game, its quests and events. By doing this, she ends up earning all kinds of equally unexpected skills and becomes one of the strongest players in the game. Thoughts: Bofuri is another OP power fantasy like Demon King Academy, but with the twist of being fused with CGDCT. The cast is extremely likable (especially Maple) and when Silver Link wants to they can make the battles REALLY dynamic. A nice comfortable watch, which was sorely needed in 2020. 

4. Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle

Synposis: The story follows Princess Syalis, a young princess who was kidnapped by the demon king, and her quest to sleep well while imprisoned.

Thoughts: A simple premise for a not so simple story. Sleepy Princess for me was easily the best comedy of the year, with plenty of heart and action thrown in as well. I was wary of the series at first, thinking that the premise wouldnt be entertaining for more than a few episodes, but boy was I wrong. Each episode was funnier than the last and Doga Kobo pulled out all the stops to make it look as gorgeous as possible.  

3. Jujutsu Kaisen

Synopsis: Idly indulging in baseless paranormal activities with the Occult Club, high schooler Yuuji Itadori spends his days at either the clubroom or the hospital, where he visits his bedridden grandfather. However, this leisurely lifestyle soon takes a turn for the strange when he unknowingly encounters a cursed item. Triggering a chain of supernatural occurrences, Yuuji finds himself suddenly thrust into the world of Curses—dreadful beings formed from human malice and negativity—after swallowing the said item, revealed to be a finger belonging to the demon Sukuna Ryoumen, the "King of Curses." Yuuji experiences first-hand the threat these Curses pose to society as he discovers his own newfound powers. Introduced to the Tokyo Metropolitan Jujutsu Technical High School, he begins to walk down a path from which he cannot return—the path of a Jujutsu sorcerer.

Thoughts: Originally I wasn’t going to put this on the list, because the season doesnt conclude this year, but I decided to make an exception since the show started so strong. Many people were hyping this up as the next big shonen, and they were right. Mappa really went balls to the wall with this show and I’m pretty hype for what happens this cour. 

2. Akudama Drive

Synopsis: The bustling metropolis of Kansai, where cybernetic screens litter the neon landscape, may seem like a technological utopia at first glance. But in the dark alleys around the brightly-lit buildings, an unforgiving criminal underbelly still exists in the form of fugitives known as "Akudama." No stranger to these individuals, Kansai police begin the countdown to the public execution of an infamous Akudama "Cutthroat," guilty of killing 999 people. However, a mysterious message is sent to several elite Akudama, enlisting them to free Cutthroat for a substantial amount of money. An invisible hand seeks to gather these dangerous personas in one place, ensuring that the execution is well underway to becoming a full-blown bloodbath.  

Thoughts: Want to know what it would be like if Quentin Tarantino made an anime? Well here you go. An adrenaline filled rollercoaster ride from start to finish with a crazy cast of characters and even crazier visuals. There’s even a bit of social commentary in there if you squint. 

1. Oregairu Climax

Synopsis: Resolved to become a more independent person, Yukino Yukinoshita decides to smoothen things out with her parents, and the first step toward achieving that goal is to prove herself. As graduation draws closer for the third-year students, Iroha Isshiki—the president of the student council—requests a graduation prom in collaboration with the Volunteer Service Club. Yukino accepts this request of her own volition, hoping to use it as a chance to demonstrate her self-reliance, but what lies ahead of her may prove to be a hard hurdle to cross.

At the same time, a chance for the Volunteer Service Club members to better understand each other presents itself. And thus, Hachiman Hikigaya's hectic and bittersweet high school life begins to draw to a close.

Thoughts: The gif says it all really. I could just leave that there and end this list on a somewhat high note, but I’ll explain it. 

Now objectively, there were better shows than this one (off the top of my head JJK comes to mind) but when you combine all three seasons there is no contest in my mind that Oregairu had one of the most perfect endings to a series I have ever seen. 

It was an ending 7 years in the making. The first season in 2013 was good, the second season two years later was even better, but Climax was Oregairu at is absolute best and that goes beyond the story and characters. A lot of praise also has to go to Studio feel., who took over animation duties from Brain’s Base in season 2. While BB’s animation was much more accurate to the LN, feel’s more realistic designs fit the more mature direction the story was starting to go, giving the anime some of its best moments. 

Watching Hachiman, Yukino, and Yui grow and change from naive teenagers to somewhat understood young adults was amazing and sometimes heartbreaking to watch. Hachiman’s search to find something “genuine”, Yukino’s desire to be independent, and Yui struggling with her feelings of love and friendship all clash and compliment in very interesting ways that makes these three characters even more relatable than they were before. 

Lots of long running series don’t stick to landing, but in my eyes Oregairu stuck it perfectly. That’s why its my favorite anime of 2020.

Here’s to 2021. 

[musette22]

Hi Minnie! Hope you can help me settle an argument my brother and I are having about EG!Steve. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this with shipping goggles off, looking at it purely in terms of characterization, narrative, and good writing. Better hang on though, it's going to be a long ask! (sorry in advance for spamming you!) 1/7

So my brother and I were watching FatWS and once again got into a debate about whether Steve's last actions were a disservice or in line with his characterization and narrative, given that the Russos confirmed (and therefore it's Word of God/canon, even if it did sound reactionary to the immediate backlash after EG) that Steve created an alternate reality when he went back, and didn't just live in hiding in the past of the OG timeline. 2/7

Because of this, my bro argued that: 1) the total character assassination that is the idea of Steve just sitting back and letting all the shit happen happen is no longer a problem - for all we know, the alternate reality oldman!Steve came from might have become utopic already due to his presence and foresight. He played coy when talking to Sam so we don't know for certain he didn't save Bucky, get rid of Hydra, and enact social reform when he had the chance. 3/7

Likewise, 2) the accusation that Steve would rob Peggy of her husband and children is a non-issue as Steve went back to a time before Peggy and Daniel got together - I argued here that it was still wrong for him to do given that he KNEW for a fact that Peggy lived a happy life, whereas it was a gamble if he could give her the same. My bro shot back when you truly loved someone, you want them to be happy and to have what's best for them. 4/7

So if Steve chose to go back to Peggy, he had to have believed that he could give her the best life. That Steve based that decision purely on his own assessment is pretty in character (e.g. pushing to become a soldier because he thought that was how he could do his part, even though at the time, he'd have just been a danger to himself and other soldiers; not signing the Accords because he believed in his team's judgment in crises above gov't oversight that might be influenced by politics). 5/7

And lastly 3) he might have settled into the past and started to move on, but what was wrong with him choosing to be selfish and going to the past when given a chance? Why was it wrong for him to go back to a time he knew, where he was beloved by both Peggy and the public, and when he could also save Bucky early? In terms of character growth, wouldn't it be fair for him to finally learn he could be a bit selfish and choose happiness, after a lifetime of nearly suicidal selflessness? 6/7

Our debate was based on confirmed canon with shipping put aside. So I put forth the sin of leaving a traumatized Bucky, Sam, and world behind, that Steve's actions were surely the result of a man broken by grief again and again, and that choosing the past was him running away - which, I argued, was a horrible way to end his character arc. But my brother asked me why I thought so, because wasn't this the so-called 'soft epilogue' that Steve deserved, one that was most in line with canon? 7/7

***************

Hey love! Very interesting argument you and your brother are having here… I’m sure he’s a great guy but I have to say that I vehemently disagree with him (as you probably already guessed lol). Soooo many people have done an excellent job at explaining why, shipping aside, Steve’s ending in EG was absolute bollocks, and I’m certain I could never argue this case as well as all of them have. Nevertheless, I’ll do my best to explain why, in my opinion, your brother is wrong :p I’m going to put my reply under the keep reading tag, because it is long.

1.      The Russos and Markus & McFeely (the writers) never managed to agree on whether Steve really did go back to an alternate timeline, and if so, how that would have worked, exactly. When they were asked, after EG had been released, about whether Steve would have just sat back and let everything he knew was happening/going to happen in the decades to come, both to Bucky and to the world at large, they came up with this ‘alternate timeline’ solution, but they kept contradicting each other on the logistics and technicalities of it (like how would old man Steve suddenly be able to jump timelines to come back to give Sam the shield in EG? And how did EG Steve attend Peggy’s funeral, like they also suggested, which would technically have been in a different timeline?). Which makes it pretty clear that this wasn’t something they’d considered beforehand or even all agree on afterwards, and therefore it can’t technically allowed to play a role in judging the rightness of Steve’s ending in EG if we’re looking at it from a ‘the creator’s word is law’ perspective. Moreover, there is nothing to indicate in EG itself that Steve knew he’d be able to create alternate timelines, so that would’ve been a crazy gamble on his part. Also, him ‘playing coy’ in that final scene with Sam really isn’t a convincing indication that he was actually, canonically, talking about anything besides marrying Peggy.

2.      Which bring us to point two: Peggy had literally told Steve she’d lived a happy life with her family, and told him in no uncertain terms to move on. If Steve really loved her, he would have accepted her wishes and allowed her the dignity of her choice (something Peggy herself, in CA:TFA, had told Steve was important to do when you care about someone) to move on from him once she believed him dead. Steve deciding that he would be better for Peggy because he believed was a better man than the person she ended up marrying originally would be the most un-like Steve thing to do, ever. Steve has never once shown that he thinks of himself as the hero or better than other people – he simply wants to do the best he can to help make the world a better place. He would never say “Peggy deserves the best and I believe I am the best, therefore she will have me, regardless of what she thinks or wants.” Steve drinks respect women juice, that’s clear from all of his movies, and deciding the course of her entire life for her, taking away her agency, whether in his own timeline or another, would be utterly disrespectful to Peggy.

3.      As for the next point: of course there’s nothing wrong with Steve being selfish for once – Steve is human, and all humans are selfish sometimes, and that’s okay. But, as Chris Evans already explained multiple times prior to Endgame, Steve had already made selfish decisions in the past, namely when it came to getting Bucky back and keeping him safe. Shipping aside, Bucky was presented in all the Cap movies as Steve’s very best friend, and was even called his ‘soulmate’ (platonically or otherwise) by M&M (the writers). So when, in Civil War, Steve was presented with a choice between duty/what was expected of him by the government versus saving Bucky/keeping Bucky safe, Steve was selfish and chose Bucky. That, canonically, made sense. Peggy being presented as the ultimate love of Steve’s life, who he loved and valued more than anyone or anything else in the world (which is what happened in EG), canonically does not make sense. 

In CA:TWS, Peggy told Steve to move on. When Peggy died, Steve buried her and mourned her, and then not long after, he canonically kissed Peggy’s niece. Then, in Infinity War, Steve saw Bucky turn to dust before his very eyes in the “Blip” (a conscious decision on the writers’/directors’ part to show how Steve once again lost what was most important to him while helplessly standing by) – and the next thing we know, Steve is leading a support group for other people who lost loved ones in the Blip, and starts talking about losing… Peggy? Huh. Also, Steve going back to a time which your brother calls “a time when he was beloved the public” doesn’t add up, either: technically, Steve went back to a time where people loved an idea of him, but also believed him to be dead. So either he would have had to have found a way to convincingly stage his own resurrection (meanwhile possibly leaving the other version to vegetate in the ice..? depending on how this timeline malarkey was supposed to work), or he would have lived his whole life hidden behind some fake persona – which does not sound like Steve at all, does it?

4.      Finally, let’s talk about Bucky some more, because I think we need to to be able to assess the situation properly. I understand that your brother may believe that shippers are often delusional and only see what they want to see etc, but there is ample evidence, canonically, of Bucky being the most important person in Steve’s life – the person he would give up the shield for, the person he would give up his other friendships for, the person he would give up his life for. Peggy may have been a recurring character in character in the three Cap movies, but she was never presented as the principal motivator of his actions, or as the love of Steve’s life. You know who was? Bucky. Sure, that love wasn’t canonically romantic in nature, but there can’t be any doubt that Bucky meant more than anything to Steve. Therefore, Steve choosing to have a ‘soft epilogue’ that entails him spending the rest of his life without Bucky – and, more importantly, Bucky to spend the rest of his life without Steve – contradicts everything we’ve learned about their relationship (platonic or otherwise) in the rest of the movies, does it not? 

Also, the Russos have said something to the effect that Bucky and Steve were now both mentally ‘well enough’ to not ‘need’ each other anymore (because as we all know, that’s exactly how friendships work…), but it’s pretty clear from EG that Steve was still traumatized by everything he’d been through, and going back to the 50s would have meant he would never be able to get proper help with that and in fact could only talk about any of it with Peggy and Peggy alone. Moreover, M&M have literally said in interviews that Bucky wasn’t all that well yet, mentally, and TFAWTS also shows convincingly that Bucky was not actually in a good place when Steve left him. So that would have meant that Steve either did not see this (unlikely, given how close they were) or did not care (unlikely, given how close they were). 

It would have meant that for the first time in all these movies, Steve decided “to hell with Bucky’s needs, I’m gonna just be selfish because I’ve earned it and claim my trophy wife because actually I am the best man for her, despite the fact that she’s already lived a happy life that I will be negating against her wishes, but that’s fine because maybe I’ll be able to create a different timeline, and maybe I’ll be able to save Bucky from all his trauma anyway, but then again maybe not, but that brings me back to my first point of to hell with Bucky’s needs” - which does not make a lot of sense to me, personally. Not to mention that, in exchange for his ‘soft epilogue’, Steve would also leave the world to sort out the post-Blip mess without him, and leave all the other friends he still had left and clearly cared about a lot to boot. I would not call that character growth, I would call that character disintegration. If your brother insists on taking the creator’s word as gospel and that we have to accept that Steve really did do what he did at the end of Endgame, and that wasn’t just a case of bad, lazy writing fuelled by greed, then to make a decision like this, Steve would have been either an asshole in disguise all along, or mentally extremely unstable.

There you have it, my two cents! I hope this helps a little in settling the argument with your brother, anon! Lots of love ❤️

[andromedasstarship]

in the stars - chapter 3

photo credit - unknown 

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, stalking, depictions of murder/violence, angst, verbal fighting, drinking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, smoking (cigarettes) 

summary -  “If you’re upset over how I ended our relationship, that is completely separate from the dealings of the case and I expect you to be able to conduct yourself appropriately.” Aaron said and you thought this was what ‘seeing red’ meant

a/n - hi besties! im so sorry this update took so long! i really wanted to make it perfect and was struggling with putting this together. to make it up this chapter is a whopping 5.9k words so uh enjoy lol!

masterlist // series masterlist // read it on ao3

chapter 2 // chapter 4

-----

You had to physically stop yourself- gripping the desk chair beside you so hard your knuckles turned white- from following Aaron out the office door and demanding he make sense of the whole good cop- ha!- bad cop show he’d been putting on since the two of you had been horribly reunited outside of the police station. 

This had been the second instance of him implying or accusing you of somehow worsening the case. And he hadn’t even been in LA for over 24hrs. It wasn’t fair, you thought, angrily grumbling to yourself about all the different ways you’d love to give him a piece of your mind. If he’d been a regular man, that you’d never met before, you probably wouldn’t consider his current behavior to be so- out of pocket? disgraceful? insulting?- offensive. You knew he had a reputation for being...,a hardass on the job, but that didn’t mean he had to go overboard in his treatment towards you. Maybe he wasn’t going overboard, maybe this was just how he treated every- you weren’t sure exactly how to define yourself in the case- witness? Maybe this is just what his team expected in terms of his behavior towards people he didn’t know.

But he did know you, he knew you quite well. He knew you well enough to know you’d never purposely attempt to slow the case down. Even without his fancy profiler skills, you were certain Aaron Hotchner knew every little thing about you. Or at least he used to. 

And while Aaron may know everything there was to know about you, you were beginning to doubt if you actually knew anything about him. As expected, over the past two months the case had been taking an extreme toll on you; constantly looking over your shoulder and worrying that someone was lurking behind every corner. What made it worse, was that it was yet another situation that required you to keep a secret. You ‘had’ the officers at the station and your agent, but besides them you were dealing with this completely on your own. Making the situation about yourself felt wrong, but you couldn’t even begin to explain how hurt you felt at Aaron's accusations that you were somehow more part of the problem than you were a victim. Yes, you hadn’t gone up to him and explicitly told him how badly you were hurting, but it’s not like it took a genius- or a profiler- to reach that conclusion themselves. 

It hurt, to have someone whose validation you had once- still did- crave so much, suddenly act as if you were a ‘bad guy’. Maybe you were being dramatic, you thought. Maybe you were overreacting and reading far too deep into such short interactions. On the other hand, you reasoned that it was perfectly acceptable to have feelings. Before you could delve deeper into that mental tirade, a sharp knock on the doorframe grabbed your attention. Looking up, you saw JJ leaning halfway into the room. 

“Sorry,” you said, awkwardly letting go of the chair, “I uh, got caught up with uh, just you know, thoughts about the case!” Smooth. You tried to put a cheery tone in your voice. You tried to subtly study her reaction as you walked over to her and it was clear she wasn’t exactly buying into your sudden happy attitude. She didn’t press you though, something you were grateful for. Instead she just moved out of the doorframe, letting you join her in the hallway. 

“The rest of the team has split up already, would you like to start in the basement?” JJ asked. You had only spoken to her a couple times, briefly at that, but you already found great comfort in her presence; you could see why she held the position, her ability to comfort and connect with others was unbeatable. Definitely need to send JJ a case of wine as a gift. 

You nodded dumbly, joining her in the hallway and taking her down towards your basement. Internally, you guessed the little ‘tour’ would only take an hour tops, considering all the little spiels you’d have to give about each room. 

You felt a bit like when you went through airport security or when a police car was on a road you were driving on. That sinking feeling that somehow you were going to get in trouble even though you knew you didn’t have anything to hide. Damn Aaron. His apparent lowly opinion of you was definitely messing with your head. Oh well. 

As you lead JJ towards the basement, you could vaguely hear the other agents throughout the house. A door opening here or the sound of papers rustling over there. You hadn’t exactly asked how they would be able to tell if something was missing or out of place. But honestly? You didn’t really care what the team did in your house, as long as they figured out how the unsub had gotten in there. 

You’d already come to terms with the fact that the unsub had managed to steal your clothes and jewelry, but you just couldn’t shake the fact that he had gotten into your house. Part of you secretly wished he had pick-pocketed you on a busy street or was stealing stuff off a film set instead. It would’ve been equally as bad and creepy and horrifying, but it would’ve been worth still feeling safe in your own house. 

Smacking the lightswitch on the wall behind you, the entire basement became illuminated. “So,” you started, really drawing out the word, “this is the basement. It’s technically one big open floor, but well,” you gestured lazily with your hand, “you can see it’s kinda still split up. There’s a movie room behind those doors right there.” 

JJ stepped ahead of you, walking towards the high windows in the basement. You watched as she ran her fingers along the window edges, carefully going over each one. “Do these open?” She asked, turning back to look at you. 

You quickly shook your head. “They’re mostly just for, like, decoration purposes.” You responded, giving a slight shrug. “I um, I’m not down here much unless I’m having people over. And those stairs we came down are the only way to get in here.” You added, thinking that’d probably be helpful. 

JJ gave you that nice smile again and started towards the movie room. “I’m just gonna look in here real quick and then we can go back upstairs, okay?” 

You stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, rolling back and forth from your heels to your tippy toes, awkwardly playing with your hands in front of yourself. You knew her movie room scan wouldn’t take wrong, there were zero windows in there and no other point of entry besides the door she had walked through. 

Just as you expected, JJ came back out no longer than five minutes later. Once she got closer to you, you turned slowly on your heel and started back up the stairs. “We can start upstairs and then meet the rest of your team on the main level?” You offered.

“Lead the way.” 

“There’s um, two ways to get upstairs. There’s that main staircase you saw in the foyer and also there’s a ‘servants stair’ in the back,” you said, making air quotes with your fingers at the ‘servants stair’ part, “I have people that work in the house sometimes, but it’s not an actual designated staircase for anyone.” You explained, unsure of why you were feeling so anxious. 

“Why don’t we go up using the second set of stairs? Since I’ve already seen the main set.” JJ said. 

You nodded dumbly again, and walked in the direction of the back stairs. Once upstairs, you gave the same room spiel to JJ about six times. This is ‘x’ room, yep those windows can open, nope no one regularly comes into this room, yes the balcony doors do lock from the inside. 

Just as you thought earlier, the little tour took just a couple minutes under an hour. You and JJ were standing in your kitchen, both of you leaning against opposite countertops. According to JJ the whole team had agreed to meet up in your kitchen once they were done with their scans, so it seemed that you two were the first to finish. Also expected. 

You were lucky you hadn’t run into Aaron the entire time. At times you could vaguely hear his voice coming from another room and all that did was pull on your heartstrings and remind you of when the two of you were together. Aside from the sadness factor, you still weren’t sure you could trust yourself to not yell at him as soon as you saw him again. 

“That’s funny.” JJ said amusedly-more to herself than to you-, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

“What is?” You asked. She had moved from her spot by the countertops, to standing in front of your liquor wall, staring up at a bottle you couldn’t quite recognize from your position. 

“Oh, just Agent Hotchner? Out there,” she said, gesturing broadly out to where the rest of the team might be, “he loves this brand of scotch. We joke sometimes that he’d pick it over us if he was given the choice. But apparently it’s super difficult to get. He started getting lucky a few years ago and found a way to buy it, but recently I guess that luck ran out and he hasn’t been able to find it anymore.” 

Your eyes went wide at that. Yes. That scotch was super difficult to get and it was ridiculously expensive. And yes, Aaron loved the stuff. The two of you used to constantly argue over money. He hated that you were always the one paying for everything and had created a ‘rule’ that you weren’t allowed to buy him any gifts. Of course, you managed to find a way around that rule and found that this specific scotch was his gift achilles heel. So, you used to send him a steady supply while also keeping a bottle at your place for the rare occasions he was over. 

“Oh?” You squeaked. 

“Yeah, it’s super rare or something. They only make so many batches a year don’t they?” JJ asked, turning back to look at you. 

You quickly pulled your emotions in when she turned towards you, just giving her your third dumb nod of the day. “Yep, super hard to get. Super super hard. I uh, got as a gift once, I don’t even like the stuff.” 

“You should tell Hotch. I bet he’d pay pretty well for it.” She said with a laugh, shaking her head. Definitely will not be doing that. 

----

Upstairs, Rossi and Hotch were looking through your upstairs office. While your downstairs office was more work based- you stored scripts and had meetings down there, etc.-, your upstairs office was used for your more ‘personal’ work tasks. 

“If the unsub is taking her clothes, we might have better success scoping out her closet. See the potential entry and exit points from her room that the unsub must be taking.” Rossi proposed. 

Hotch nodded at that, putting down the stack of fan mail he’d been flipping through, trying to find any repeats or ‘creepy’ letters. He made a mental note to have Reid come and read through the piles of other mail you had neatly stacked around the room.

Your attention to fanmail had been one of the things that had quickened the process of him falling in love with you. He had had his doubts in the beginning of you relationship- he had stereotyped you for sure-, your age and status giving him somewhat valid concerns that you’d be insanely disconnected from the normal world. You’d proved him wrong in many ways since the beginning, but one of those ways had been the many days you’d call him from this room, reading through every single letter you were sent and always making sure to send a small note back. 

“Good idea, let’s go.” Hotch said. He walked out of office and didn’t think twice, his body automatically walking towards the room a few doors down from your bedroom. You didn’t keep your closet in your bedroom, you had actually put a little couch and sitting room in your bedroom closet space. Instead you’d taken an entire guest room and converted it into a full dressing room/closet that was a better fit for your needs. 

As Hotch went straight into the room, he missed the narrow look Rossi was giving him from the doorframe. It only took a couple minutes, but eventually Hotch looked up, cocking an eyebrow at Rossi. “Are you going to come in?” He questioned. 

“You knew her closet wasn’t in her room.” Rossi noted, amusement clear in his voice. 

Hotch’s face paled, before he steeled his emotions back over. “I saw the clothes while walking past earlier and made the deduction.” 

“She’s pretty, isn’t she Aaron?” Rossi teased, clearly finding a lot of enjoyment in this conversation. 

“Dave,” Hotch groaned, running a hand over his face, “just, not now okay?” He asked, the desperation clear in his voice. 

Rossi certainly didn’t have the entire story figured out, but he wasn’t dumb either, he could piece things together. As much as he’d love to keep busting Hotch over this, there was something about how gentle he had been with you in the conference room and his current clear discomfort that persuaded Rossi otherwise. Rossi grinned at Hotch and raised his hands in mock surrender. 

“So, we know the unsub doesn’t have to necessarily be quiet, her room is at least what, 3-”

“Four and across the hall.” Hotch huffed out, not looking up to meet Rossi’s eyes.

“Four and across the hall away. So he doesn’t need to sneak past her if he’s coming in at night...” 

----

Back in the kitchen, you turned your head at the sound of the back patio doors opening, showing Morgan and Spencer. Guess they’d be the second pair done with their house tour. 

Just as you were about to open your mouth and offer the two of them something to drink, you noticed the rather grim expressions on both their faces. Upon better inspection, you saw Spencer was tightly gripping on to a dirty journal. 

“What’s that?” You asked curiously, trying to get a better look at it. 

“I found this uh, journal out by the edge of your property line. I think it may belong to the unsub.” Reid responded, giving you a tight lipped look. 

It was terribly cliche, but you couldn’t help but gasp at that. Your eyes going wide and your mouth hanging open. 

“I flipped through it, there’s nothing that clearly identifies him, but it seems like he was keeping track of your comings and goings. As well as keeping a list of the things he took from your house, we can cross check that list with-” 

“Can I look at it?” You interjected, a morbid curiosity consuming your mind. 

Reid gave an unsure glance at the two other agents in the room. “I think it’d be better for the rest of the team and I to look through the journal first, and make sure there’s nothing uh...upsetting in it.” 

----

With the new revelations that the unsub had managed to break into your home multiple times, the team decided it would be best for at least one of them to be with you at the house at all times; during the day they would assign a plainclothes officer to discreetly sit watch. It was comical, the way they decided on the watch and then promptly assigned Aaron the first shift of the night. 

You wondered why he agreed to it, knowing he could’ve easily pulled a seniority boss card and taken himself out of any and all future watch shifts as well. He probably didn’t want you to get closer with any of his agents, should you accidentally say something a bit too personal. He also probably assumed that with the late hour of the night, you’d immediately be going to bed or at least locking yourself away in your room for the rest of the night. 

The team had stayed hours after their first walkthroughs of the house, the new list and notes from the unsub giving you all a better idea of what to look for. You had gone through the list of clothes and jewelry in front of the team, giving them a base description of what you assumed the unsub had meant, whether or not you had considered it missing and where you thought you’d last seen it in the house.

Unfortunately, whatever Aaron had been banking on wouldn’t be happening. You hadn’t been able to shake the sinking feeling that your house was no longer a home anymore. It was painfully cheesy, but you knew that trying to sleep would be futile. Nor did you really feel like being ‘alone’ in your room. That didn’t mean you were going to strike up a conversation with Aaron or ask him to play a board game or something, but you wouldn’t be shutting away from the rest of the night. 

After the team left, you had gone upstairs and changed into a more comfortable outfit for the evening; just your trusty sleep shorts and an oversized t-shirt. You were now walking back down the stairs and towards your kitchen; you grasped a lighter and your emergency cigarette pack in one hand. As you made your way into the kitchen, you could feel Aarons eyes on you from wherever he was seated in the living room. You pointedly ignored him, instead setting the pack and lighter down, freeing your hands so you could mix yourself your favorite drink. 

Once your drink was prepped, you balanced all your things in your hands and made your way back through the living room and out the grand French doors that lead to your backyard. You walked over to one of your lounge chairs that overlooked the pool and had a beautiful view of the sky and bright lights of the city. You turned on one of your favorite playlists and made yourself comfy in the chair, lighting up one of the cigarettes. 

With the first inhale, you felt your body relax. It was a horrible habit- you knew that-, but if there was ever a time to stress smoke, you reasoned it was probably now. Over the sound of your music, you faintly heard one of the doors open again, but you didn’t bother turning around. 

“I thought you quit.” Aaron said, quite literally coming out of the shadows. Even though you didn’t turn to look at him, you could perfectly imagine him in your mind; probably leaning up against one of the legs of the cabana, arms tightly crossed and a deep scowl on his face. 

“I did.” You replied plainly, blowing a steady stream of smoke out of your mouth. Using your free hand you picked your glass back off the chair side table, twirling it slowly. As you took a long sip, you could hear Aaron walk closer, not quite coming into view yet. 

“Drinking and abusing substances in response to a traumatic situation is widely frowned upon. 

“Thank you Surgeon General,” you said, rolling your eyes before adding, “no offense Agent, but right now, I don’t really think it matters.” You didn’t even bother attempting to argue that you were on your first drink and first smoke. 

“It matters, when my team will be counting on you tomorrow. The expectation is that you’ll be a useful and legitimate resource.” Aaron said, voice tight. 

“Do you really think I’m dumb enough to actually believe, that you believe that a single drink is going to render me useless?” You asked, finally turning your head so you could give him a pointed look. When he didn’t answer you rolled your eyes again, turning back away from him. “It doesn’t matter, Agent, I’m unavailable to be a resource tomorrow.” 

“What do you mean, unavailable?” Aaron asked. He finally walked into view, sitting down on the chair next to you. He positioned his legs over the edge facing you, resting his elbows off his knees. 

“What do you mean unavailable?” You said mockingly- the alcohol in your system and stress of the day emboldening your behavior. You paused for a moment to take another drag from your cigarette; Aaron didn’t miss the way you turned your head further from him during your exhale. “You have your job Agent, I have mine.” 

“There is a dangerous free man out there with a special interest in you. He’s not only managed to break into your house but is also murdering surrogate women in place of you,” he said, voice growing louder as he went, “and you think you should go to a film set? How immature and irresponsible are-” 

“Stop doing that!” You cut him off, snapping your head to face him. For a brief moment, you were taken aback by how close he’d been sitting. “Stop painting me to be some dumb self centered girl. This is the fourth time today.” You said, staring him hard in the face, neither of your breaking eye contact. He always looked so good with a beard- stop that. 

“I’m trying to do my job and protect you,” he paused, eyes scanning your face, “I couldn’t handle anything happening to you.” In that moment, his voice was so painfully honest and it almost made you want to agree to do whatever dumb rules he had for you. 

Almost.

Instead, you swung your legs to the side of the chair opposite to him, standing up in a quick blur of motion. “Stop doing that too!” You exclaimed, running your free hand over your face. You took a long drag from your cigarette, placing one hand on your hip. Aaron was giving you a genuinely confused look and you just wanted to wipe it off in one big swipe. “Stop doing some weird little bait and switch between acting like I’m a diva and then trying to end it with some vaguely little sweet comment.” 

“You actually think I don’t care about your safety?” Aaron asked, the faintest bit of hurt in his voice. He stood up as well before continuing. “You think this isn’t a difficult case for me?” 

“You do not get to do that!” You said angrily, pointing a free finger out at him. “You are not allowed to try and make yourself a victim in this story while you simultaneously make me part of the problem. How the hell can you see yourself as even remotely ‘good’ when you left the way you did?” There it was. Maybe it was immature, dragging the breakup into the argument, but the days’ tension- not to mention the months of bottled up emotions- was finally snapping inside of you. 

“If you’re upset over how I ended our relationship, that is completely separate from the dealings of the case and I expect you to be able to conduct yourself appropriately.” Aaron said and you thought that this must be what ‘seeing red’ meant. 

“Do you treat all your witnesses like this?” You were full on yelling now, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. “Is this your version of appropriate conduct, Agent Hotchner? You’ve proven to be nothing but incompetent! You can’t even see two inches past your own fucking face to consider this from my perspective!” 

Your words had their intended effect. Aaron’s face fell for the briefs of moments before years of bottling his own emotions took back over. You had to give him some credit for keeping it, outwardly, more together than you were. “I won't fight with you over something as trivial as this. You’ll report to the station in the morning with the rest of the team.” He ordered, voice dangerously low. 

“I have to work!” You exclaimed, putting heavy emphasis on each word. 

“Going to work isn’t safe. Do you understand that? Your stalker is well acquainted with your schedule, you need to step away from what’s expected of you. It’s dangerous-”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, shaking your head, “are you even listening to yourself? Your job is dangerous every single day, hell you didn’t even step away when the job was dangerous specifically to you! How am I supposed to take advice you can’t even follow?” At the end of your sentence, you angrily stubbed out your cigarette in the ashtray, leaving the butt in the tray. 

“This isn’t about me.” Aaron snapped, voice loudest it’d been all night. “I’m trying to keep you safe. What part of that don’t you understand?” He asked, giving you a tough look. You found yourself at a loss for words and he took your silence as an opening to continue. “I can’t stand to see you get hurt.”

“Are you finally understanding how exhausting it was to love you!” You blurted out, the words catching even you by surprise. You forcibly blinked back the tears forming your eyes. “That this, is how I felt each time you were called away on a case?” 

Aaron was equally as shocked, his mouth opening in vain a few times as he searched for the proper response. “I made sure you were properly aware of the risks and demands of my job before we started our relationship.” Bad answer.

“And I never complained,” you replied, a defeated tone creeping into your voice, “not once, did I?”

“If you’re going to accuse me of hypocrisy, you should recognize it in yourself. You were equally if not more in demand than I was.” 

“I thought you liked that I was so ‘in demand’!” You said, the frustration growing again. “What was it you always said? You liked not having to worry about me alone at home, waiting up for you.” 

“You’re coming to the station tomorrow Y/N. Final order.” Aaron repeated, completely ignoring your last statement. 

“You know what,” you said, the fight in your voice gone, “I don’t have to put up with this and your lame attempts at trying to be a good guy. I’m not having this conversation anymore.” You quickly leaned over to swipe your cigarette pack and glass of the little table. 

“Are you actually going to run away from this?” He asked, almost as if he was trying to bait you back into the argument.

You scoffed loudly, staring him dead in the eyes. “You did.” 

You angrily walked around him, nearly stomping the entire way to the door. As you were halfway into the house you paused for a moment, not even slightly turning your head back towards him. “Blankets are still in the same spot in the living room.” You said, slamming the door behind you as soon the sentence left your lips. 

-----

The next morning, promptly at 8am, an email from your agent was sent to Aaron. It was incredibly petty and inherently personal, but to an outsider it was nothing out of the ordinary for someone of your status. Aaron was near furious, as expected, but even in his stubbornness he could see you had the high ground. Long story short, the email plainly stated vaguely threatened that if your work schedule were to become an issue for the team, you could easily send a ‘spokesperson’ from your team to deal with any and all future communications. Y/N 2, Aaron Hotchner 0.

Back at your house, you were having a lovely morning. The victory tasted sweet in your mouth as you got yourself ready for the long day. Sometime around 4:00AM Reid had switched out with Aaron and the two of you were currently in your kitchen; Reid sitting at one of your countertop stools while you stood over the stove. After being angrily informed by Aaron that you wouldn’t be required to come into the station with Reid, you decided to make a simple breakfast for the two of you. Reid had wanted to leave sooner, but he was also under orders to not leave you alone until you were safely in your own car and on your way.

You weren’t sure how he felt, but you thought you and Reid got along quite well. He was the closest in age to you and even though he didn’t really seem to understand any of the little jokes or references you made, there was still some level of mutual understanding there. It didn’t hurt that he was quite easy on the eyes as well, of course he wasn’t Aaron by any means- stop that! 

Over breakfast, you spent the entire time answering Reid’s many questions about various actors and actresses he was a fan of. Lucky boy, you thought; as all the people he mentioned were quite nice even when the camera was off. What was it that people said about never meeting your hero? 

He graciously offered to do all the clean up, as you had cooked, which gave you a bit of extra time to make sure you were ready to go. When you both were ready and Reid had confirmed the plainclothes officer was positioned on your street, he helped you to your car. 

With one hand on the top of your car, just as you were about to sit down, you stopped and turned to Reid. “I enjoyed breakfast, would you please tell Agent Hotchner how sorry I am that my schedule’s gotten in the way?” You asked, giving him your sweetest smile. It was another petty move and Aaron was sure to see right through it; the team had amazing skills at reading people, you knew that, but you were an equally talented actress. “I’ll make sure to let you guys know when I’ll be back at home tonight.” You added, before sliding into your car. Reid closed the door gently behind you, waving from the outside of your garage as you pulled out and drove off. 

-----

Case wise, the next two days were quiet. You had won the ‘going to work battle’ by a longshot and happily went about your scheduled days. Aaron hadn’t taken another watch shift since the argument, something you were grateful for. It wasn’t until the fourth day, that the case started to pick up again.

“Agent Hotchner?” A young officer stepped into the conference room, holding out a thick manila envelope. “This was just dropped off at the front desk, addressed to you.” That certainly captured the entire team’s attention; every head turning, as if off on a swivel, to face the officer. 

“Who dropped it off?” Hotch demanded. ‘Who dropped it off?” He repeated, an added aggression in his voice. 

“Some kid! Some kid dropped it at the front and left before anyone could get a word out!” The officer said hurriedly, raising one of his hands up in a meek surrender. 

Hotch stepped up to the officer, easily snatching the envelope out of his hands. “Assure that my technical analyst has access to your entire security feed. Now.” He ordered, not giving the officer as a second glance. “Morgan, call Garcia and make sure she accesses those tapes and identifies the kid immediately.” 

Hotch went back to standing in front of the long table in the middle of the room, setting the envelope down in front of him. “Gloves, I need-” A pair were placed in his outstretched hand by Reid before he could finish. “I don’t want anyone touching anything that comes out of here without gloves, understood?” He said, not looking at anyone in particular. His focus, completely drawn to the angry penmanship that spelled out his name. After quickly pulling his gloves all the way on, Hotch grabbed the envelope again, internally shoving down his emotions before ripping off the top edge in one clean pull. Nothing could have prepared him for the way the envelope was overflowing with hundreds of photos of you. He tilted the envelope and they all came falling out, covering the table in front of him. Reid mentally estimated there were over five hundred photos of you- some seemed to be cut, some looked to have writing and designs on them- and there were even a few slips of paper thrown in the mix. 

“Hotch, Garcia managed to grab the plate from what the kid drove off in. She's running it-” Morgan said, his sentence running off as he took in the table full of photos. “Holy shit.” He said quietly, making his way closer to the table as well. 

Hotch reached down, picking up the closest photo to him. There you were, standing on a boardwalk with your hand blocking the sun from your eyes. You looked beautiful- stop that. As Hotch further studied the photo, he picked up a second one, taking another good look. It struck Hotch and the team then, the majority of the photos were grossly intimate; as if the unsub had taken them by himself. Hotch’s stomach twisted when his eyes fell on a photo that looked like you were posing for it, throwing a big smile and peace sign up at the camera. 

“Did Garcia get any hits on any scorned lovers?” Emily asked, holding up a photo of you and a man. The face and body of the man had been aggressively scratched over and cut up, but Aaron had a sinking feeling it was of him. 

“Yea, I got another potential ex photo right here.” Reid said, holding up another picture. In this one you had clearly been looking up at someone, but the photo had been crudely cut up to exclude whoever it was. 

Morgan held up one of the slips of papers, giving it a confused look. “You lost Aaron?” He said, reading off the paper. “What’s the reasoning for singling out Hotch rather than someone closer to her age like Reid” He questioned, not expecting anyone to answer. 

“I got one of Hotch’s face scribbled over. He must’ve gotten the photo online.” Emily added, holding up a professional headshot of Hotch. “Is anyone seeing photos of the rest of us? The unsub could see all of us as interfering with his connection to Y/N.” 

Hotch’s stomach was twisted in all different directions. He knew the moment of truth was coming and was internally cursing himself for not coming clean sooner. But that paled in comparison to the sickness he felt over the unsub clearly being someone who had such personal access to you. He was certain that some of these photos dates back years. The idea that whoever was doing this had been so close to you, for so long, could’ve brought him to his knees. 

“Hotch…” JJ said, her voice accusatory. She looked up at him, face a mix of confusion and a hint of betrayal. She held up another photo and the entire team went quiet. This photo was clearly taken at a distance, but there you were looking lovingly up at a man who was certainly Hotch. 

Hotch had one hand clenched tightly on the edge of the table, taking a deep breath before he looked up at his agents staring expectantly at him.  

“I haven’t been completely honest with you all,” Hotch started, running his free hand over his face, “I met Y/N five years ago and we were together for three, until I ended things.” He was sure someone had audibly gasped at that. “I know you all may have various concerns over my proximity to the case and are valid in any anger you may feel towards me. But right now, I need to go call Y/N and make sure she’s safe.” 

Hotch didn’t give anyone a chance to reply, instead whipping out his phone and near running out the door. Leaving a team of confused and shocked agents in his wake.

-----

a/n - of course, thank you all for reading. it means the world to me! also just the quickest of shoutouts to @kylorendrip and @ssahoodrathotchner who both constantly put up with my writing complaints and all the random ideas i bounce around their dms on the daily. 

taglist - @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong @itsmytimetoodream @yoshigguk @28cnn @cuddlyklaus @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @yallgotkik @sunflowersandotherthings @alexrodriguez1269

no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own criminal minds or any of the character involved in it.

[hotchley]

lauren: aaron and emily

Yeah so for something that is meant to be a conversation, there’s a surprising lack of her speaking but honestly, this was so much fun to write. I forgot how angsty Hotchniss could be like DAMN

This is my take on what happened at her bedside before they moved her, and is dedicated to everyone who said they would read it because without you guys, I probably wouldn’t have actually written it so thank you so much!

Trigger Warnings: serious medical injuries, references to abortion, implied/referenced child abuse, religious themes

read on ao3!

“You could’ve told me,” he tells her, even though she can’t hear him. Her eyes are closed. If it wasn’t for the rise and fall of her chest- so faint it almost isn’t there- he would believe she was dead.

And in some ways, she is. 

To the team, Emily Prentiss is gone. Just another victim of a dangerous serial killer with a vendetta. To the children that love her- Jack, Henry, even Carrie, who she still spoke to once a week- she will be in heaven. With Haley. To Aaron and Jennifer, she will be hiding. Alone and weak but safe.

Safe. He wants to laugh at that. How can she be safe when everyone she loved is being torn from her? When Ian Doyle is still alive? 

He doesn't want to be the one to tell her she was dead. He doesn't want to be the one to tell her that she had to go to Paris- the one place that had never been touched by the bloody hands of murder and pain- until they found Doyle. If they ever do find him. He doesn't want to let her go.

He wants to bury his head in her hair, inhaling the familiar smell of her shampoo that had always felt like the safety he craved but could never hold onto and pretend the sea wasn't pulling him under, cutting off his breathing as he struggled to stay afloat. He wants to hold her, hearing the steady and strong beat of her heart that reminds him of the reason for doing all of this. He wants to feel her hands- so warm and soft- against his stomach as she draws on his ribs so he can look in the mirror and see her, not George Foyet.

He wants so much. But there is a reason he is the Unit Chief. There is a reason he is in the room with her whilst JJ comforts a crying Reid. There is a reason that when the team thinks of Mom, they think of him. Not Rossi. Certainly not Gideon.

He does the difficult jobs. He does the things that need to be done but nobody else wants to. He cleans the blood off walls and stands guard at hospital beds. He pulls them away from dead bodies and witnesses their anger and sadness. He takes their insults and cradles them when they cry. He pretends he isn't human so they can believe they didn't hurt him. 

He does the difficult jobs because he brought all of them into a life of loss and pain, and in his opinion, it is a small price to pay. It is less than what he deserves to do. It isn't enough to make up for everything he has caused them to see but it is a start.

When Emily leaves- and JJ will go to Paris with her, no matter how much she may say he should go instead- he will carry out their grief assessments. He will let them look at him with pain and hurt and anger and sadness and ask him what the point is. As they ask him why they are alive. 

And then he will run. Because they will find Ian Doyle, and when they do, Emily Prentiss will return. They will hate him, and he will be a coward. He will take a job elsewhere and let them repair their lives, rebuild their home, without him.

But until that day comes, he will sit by Emily's bed, holding her hand, limp and cold, and pray for her to wake up. He hasn't prayed since he was a child. And even then, he didn't really believe in God. But desperate people will do anything. And although he was calm and collected before the committee that decided Emily's fate, he is desperate for her to just wake up.

So he will atone for his sins and take whatever punishment is deemed appropriate. He will let her go and never inhale her perfume again, if only so she is able to open her eyes.

"You could've told me," he repeats, thinking about the last woman he said those words too. But that had been different. JJ wasn't Emily. "I could've helped you. You could've trusted me with this. And I know it isn't about me. It's about you. But I'm selfish, Emily Prentiss. I'm selfish and I don't want to let you go but I have to."

He doesn't know how to. He doesn't know what he's meant to say when she wakes up and only sees him. JJ had looked at him when she said Emily never made it off the table. It was a single glance, but he'd understood. He had walked away from the team. Refused to let his tears fall.

And then he had looked the committee in the eye and told them he had no emotional attachment to her case. He had lied. And Emily had, in their words, been saved. He didn't believe it was saving her. He believed it was keeping her alive so one day, she could come home and live a better life. 

The woman on that bed is not his Emily. It is not the Emily he loves, or the Emily that told him he wasn't alone. It's not the Emily that dances around the kitchen with Jack, or the Emily that refuses to flinch when he has nightmares. The Emily that never walked away from him until that one fateful day.

He should have known something was wrong then. And if not then, when she was late twice in the same week. But he had been so blinded by his own hurt and anger and betrayal that he refused to comment. Secretly, vindictively, he had hoped that her lateness was being caused by her own pain. That she was trying to avoid him. 

Now he realises that he was right. She was trying to avoid him. Because he knew her. And if she saw him properly, she would crack. And in the same way he had been determined to find Foyet alone, without anyone else going down with him, she had been determined to find Doyle alone.

But Foyet had still killed Haley. And Doyle had technically killed her. In some ways, he had killed the team too. He didn't know how to bring up Spencer's migraines with him, but Emily had been his confidant. What was going to happen now? How is Derek supposed to move past being told to let her go? 

The doctors had told him to get some rest and to go home, but he can't. Jack is still with Jessica, and his apartment is still littered with scraps of her. He hadn't moved anything after that night. He had thought it was strange when she didn't ask for any of it. Now he knows why. She had bigger things going on.

He told Clyde Easter that it would be his fault if something happened to her. Because he needed someone else to blame. He needed to believe that he was a good man that had done what he could. But he hadn't. Rational thought told him that just like with everyone else, he couldn't force her to tell him the truth or accept his help.

The part of him that was still helplessly in love with her told him that he could have. Should have. But he hadn't. So now he was sitting there, watching the heart monitor, convincing himself she was alive. Bracing himself for the moment she woke up.

He still doesn't know what he's meant to say.

"I was so angry at you then. After everything we had gone through, I didn't understand why you were just so willing to throw it all away. You had told me you would never leave, and you just left me there, in the home we had finally started to build. But I get it now. And I am sorry. I am so, so sorry that I wasn't enough and that I didn't do more and-"

"Aaron," she whispered. Her eyes had fluttered open moments after he'd started speaking, but she hadn't been ready to confront the world. He needed to get the words out. He needed a moment to be Aaron before he morphed back into Hotch.

She has no right to his name. Not now. Not after everything she has put him through. Not after she left him on his knees, a ring so different from the one Ian had tried to give her that still symbolised the exact same thing, with tears in his eyes as she pretended he was nothing in order to protect him.

But she needed him. She was cold, and her stomach hurt, and she didn't know where she was. She didn't understand why it was so dark, or why only he was there, apologising. The team should have been waiting. He should have been smiling, looking slightly disapproving. Not crying. He wouldn't risk any of the team seeing him like that.

He looks up. "Emily," he whispers, pouring every inch of his heart into that single word. But as he says it, he is looking at her hairline. Not her eyes. He knows that if he looks at her eyes, he will crumble. And now she is awake, he cannot let himself do that.

He forgets that Emily knows everything about him. She knows the optimum temperature for his baths. She knows the way he takes his coffee, the fact that he hates two-in-one shampoo and conditioner but keeps it in his go bag for ease. She knows which nightmares lead to a cold shower that chills him to the bone and reminds him of his own fragility.

She knows that his own humanity terrifies him. She knows how he shuts down and avoids everything when it gets too overwhelming, which is how she knows whatever has happened is bad. Worse than bad.

"Where is everyone?" she asks, shocked by the weakness of her voice.  

He doesn't reply. He knows that he needs to. That with every moment that passes, she comes up with another scenario. But he didn't need to tell the team that she never made it off the table. Until now, he has been able to pretend that none of this is even happening. That when she opened her eyes, he would guide the others down to her room. 

That when they discharged her from the hospital, he would take her to his apartment, Jack's toys strewn across the living room and the carpet, which if you looked at it from just the right angle would see had been changed in one area.

"Hotch," she whispers.

He closes his eyes for a few seconds. When he opens them, there is no warmth behind his stare. He still won't meet her eyes, and she feels herself begin to panic. His biggest tell is when he refuses to look at someone.

"They believe you're dead," he says, voice completely monotone as he fights a wave of emotion.

"Then why haven't you gone and told them that I'm not?" she asks, already terrified of the answer.

He looks down. "Emily, I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry. You don't need to forgive me, but I need you to know that there was no other way to keep you safe. I tried. I tried so hard, but there was no other way-" he inhaled, snatching his hand back the moment she tried to hold it.

It hurt, more than anything that had happened over the past weeks, to see how he did not trust her. Not anymore.

"I always said that the only person that wouldn't forgive you is yourself. And I stand by that. So tell me the truth. Please Aaron. Just tell me what happened because I can't remember and it is terrifying, and you know what it is like. Please," she whispered. She tried, once more, to take his hand, but she was too weak.

He did not know what it was like to not remember what had happened. He remembered everything Foyet had done to him, from the first time the knife had touched his skin to the moment he had lost consciousness. He had never told her that. He probably never would.

"It's to keep you safe," he said, trying to find the words to explain what had happened. But like the ability to save the people he loved, they evaded him.

"Safe," she repeated. Like she didn't know what the word meant anymore. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she never had. There had been a time where his arms were the safest place she could find herself, but the man sitting in front of her was not the one that had held her at night.

The man sitting in front of her was a coward.

He flinches at her tone. It's been so long since she's spoken to him like that- snapping her words and rolling her eyes- that he's forgotten what it felt like. He wonders how. Her words always managed to meet their mark.

"Yes Em." The Em slips out without meaning to. He doesn't get to call her Em anymore. "Safe."

"Ian Doyle has murdered every single person on that team apart from Clyde Easter. Explain to me how I'm going to be safe."

"He's going to believe you're dead," he says, too quietly for her to hear. He says it to himself because he too needs to believe she's dead. In some ways, she is because she'll never be the woman she was before, and it's all his fault.

She frowns, the words not quite processing as her head still hurts from the painkillers. All she can say to him is: "What?"

She deserves more than what he can give. So he ignores his own shattered heart, and finally, finally meets her eyes. His own pain and anguish is reflected in hers. She almost looks away because she cannot handle his humanity. Almost. Her desire to prove she is better than he believes wins out, so she carries on staring.

"Ian Doyle hurt you. Badly. So-" he pauses again. Desperately tries to find that neutrality he had always stressed the importance of. He fails, because just like with Foyet, this isn't just a victim of a heinous crime. It's the woman that holds whatever pieces of his heart that still exist this time. Even as she had walked away, leaving him on his knees, he knew he would never stop loving her.

"So what, Aaron?" she presses, sounding angry.

It scares him, her anger. Everyone's anger scares him. He hates it, hates that his father still holds that kind of grip on him and his mind, but the moment someone seems angry he feels himself shutting down and becoming smaller. Drifting away to a fictional world where nobody cries and he's safe. 

He doesn't deserve to shut down now.

"Everyone thinks you're dead because that's what we've told them. And they will think you're dead until we find Ian Doyle and-" he doesn't finish his sentence. Ian Doyle needs to die before Emily can come home to him and the team. But if he tells her that, she will realise he is not the good man she believes him to be. He is just one misstep away from becoming an unsub they cannot find.

"They think I'm dead," she says, tears in her eyes as all the pain she has been repressing since the first sign of Ian's return suddenly makes itself known. She doesn't feel anything physically- the sedatives are working- but it feels like her heart is being ripped from her chest.

For a moment, she wonders if Aaron felt like this when Haley died.

"I'm sorry," he says, again. It's what his vocabulary has been reduced to. He doesn't know how to put everything he wants to say into words. He doesn't know what the point in doing that is, because it won't change anything.

JJ is taking her to Paris. She deserves that. She needs that. She needs to see something good. He doesn't deserve to see Emily smiling and healing enough to travel. He deserves the anger and hatred of the team. He already knows that when it's time for them to know, he will tell them how it was him.

"You're sorry."

"Emily, please, I am trying to keep you safe, so just let me tell you what's going to happen. When the doctor gets here, they're moving you somewhere out of state, and as soon as you're strong enough, JJ will go with you. Paris, I think. She'll be your point of contact." It comes out in all one breath because if he stops he won't be able to start again.

"Are you?"

"Am I?"

"Are you really trying to keep me safe, or is this about you? Because I told Derek to let me go. I told him to let me go because Ian won't stop coming after people until I am dead. He broke out of a prison that should've held ten of him. He murdered every single person from that operation apart from Clyde Easter."

She's hurting. She's angry and hurt numb and upset and still so in love with him, but she can't hold back. Not now. She has to let go of everything and everyone she has ever cared about, and although rationally she knows it isn't his fault- it's Doyle's- she can't shout at Doyle. She can shout at Aaron though.

"Emily," he pleads, closing his eyes.

"You should've let me die," she spits. "You should have let me die because then this whole thing would be over. Ian would've got what he wanted and nobody else would be getting hurt. He'll work out I'm not dead. He will. And then the next person he kills, their blood will be on your hands."

He knows she doesn’t mean it. He knows that. It doesn’t stop him from looking at her face, at the mouth that had always felt like a firework against his own and wondering how she manages to do this to him.

“Stop,” he begs. He can’t take much more.

“Just like Haley’s,” she says before she can stop herself.

Those three words make his heart shatter all over again.

Time seems to slow down. Her own words register in her mind and her jaw drops. She presses one trembling fist to her mouth, forcing the apology down. She can't give it to him right now. He won't accept it. The other traitorously reaches out for his hand, still resting on the blanket.

He had turned away the moment she said Haley's name. When he looks at her again, eyes read and cheeks damp, his mouth is forming the word why, but no sound is coming out. He's frozen, hands trembling and there is nothing she can do to cure his pain. 

There are no words she can whisper. No medication she can count out for him. No stories of her childhood that she can distract him. There is nothing she can do because this time, it was not a serial killer scarring his stomach so every time he looked in the mirror he would see them. It was not a man that should never have had children causing him to look at her and ask what he had been thinking.

It had been her. That was the problem with profilers. They always knew where to strike. The difference was, he was too afraid to do it. She was too angry to not.

The worst part is, he doesn't reply. He doesn't say a single word, because in his head, it is what he deserves. It is what everyone has been thinking since the day of the funeral. The difference with her is that she does not hesitate to say what she thinks.

It used to make him smile. In this moment, it breaks him.

He moves from the chair. He's done his duty. And if he looks at her, he think will say something he doesn't mean. Something cruel. Something about her own issues- about how she doesn't trust him, how she is so afraid of commitment she would let the only good thing she's ever let herself have go. 

She knows that he won't. He's too good. Too afraid. It's why, before she can overthink it, she whispers one word: "Stay."

He's still close enough to hear her. She watches as slight relief, then pained love, and finally a forced and cold neutrality that she has always hated because it means people don't get to see how beautiful and painful his humanity is.

Nothing he does will ever be enough for this. He will never deserve her forgiveness. The final decision was out of his hands, but if he had just fought a little bit harder, then he could have told the team and they would be able to share the burden. He will never be good enough for her. The darkness she has carried with her since that day in Italy, even though she understands now that she too was just a child faced with an impossible decision, will never compare to his.

Her darkness was part of her beauty. His got people killed. Her, laying on that bed, is just another piece of proof. He cannot give her what she deserves, but he can give her what she wants.

And so, he stays.

Nothing she says will ever make up for those words that now feel like copper in her mouth. She will never deserve the feel of his calloused hands- some from the horrors of his childhood, others from the guitar he loved to play so much- in her own. If she had just been quicker, less of a survivor then he would be able to mourn her death instead of hiding the truth. She will never be good enough for him. The darkness he has carried with him since he was a child, a darkness that should have never been created, will never compare to hers.

His darkness is part of his humanity. Hers got people hurt. Him, heart once more in tattered shreds because of her, is just another piece of proof. She cannot give him what he deserves, but she can give him what he needs.

And so, she reaches out for him.

She takes his hands that are not coated with Haley's blood, no matter what he believes and holds them tightly. He lets her, even though every part of him screams to let go. Haley's body was cold the last time he held her. He does not want to remember Emily as this cold and fragile girl. 

But he will not take her to Paris. JJ had to stand there as they fought to keep her alive because he was frantically trying to convince people that cared more about politics than they did about real lives. She needs it.

He won't survive without it, but maybe that is for the best.

They sit like that, hands clasped in some pathetic recreation of the long nights and days they had spent together. 

When the doctors came to take her away, somewhere where he could not follow, the full extent of what was about to happen hit her.

"Aaron, I-" 

don't blame you, need you to come with me, want you to forgive yourself, regret saying no, trust you with everything I am, think you are the best man I know, didn't mean what I said- 

"I love you."

"Emily, you-" 

don't need to lie, are so much more than you give yourself credit for, are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met, cannot regret saying no, were right about Haley, were right about everything- 

"You shouldn't have said that."

She knows that. But she needed to say it in place of all the things she could never find the words for.

"Be happy for me," she says, right before the doors close.

"I'll try," he whispers, to an empty and cold room.

He doesn't. He runs instead, like the coward she accused him of being.

[kisskeiji]

6. Love me right.

Lost & Found.

WARNINGS: language, mentions of self doubt and spiraling 

The closer the Volleyball Association awards ceremony was, the busier your schedule was, with the end of the season and the team winning their final match your phone wouldn’t stop ringing with reporters from sports magazines and channels trying to get a word from the athletes, the team went on for at least three weeks without a break; everyone was way too exhausted to bear with another interview. You had to travel around the country for away games every other week and the moment you came back home after the season finale you had to jump back into ‘babysitter duty’ supervising the press conferences, television appearances and exclusive interviews. You tried to relieve the soreness of your neck by rubbing it as you walked to the meeting room where everyone including the team waited for you. 

“Please no more interviews, Y/N, we are begging.” Inunaki said as soon as you entered the room. Everyone looked at you with pleading eyes — everyone except Bokuto who was busy stuffing himself with cookies—, you sighed and took your seat next to Imai.

“We are done with your schedule, don’t worry about that.” You said and turned to greet your team, taking the coffee one of your assistants got you and taking a big sip almost forgetting the drink was hot, your face contorted in pain but you tried your best to hide it, you were wide awake now, not from the coffee but from your burnt tongue. 

“Let’s make this quick guys, I think we all want to go home.” Hideko got up from her seat and buttoned her coat. “Season’s over, congratulations on your win, the sponsors and everyone’s pockets are extremely happy.” Everyone laughed at her comment as she kept talking. “I think the promotion period was even more exhausting than the matches for you guys, and we are thankful to all of you because surprisingly no one messed things up, so our headlines are clear.” You nodded along her speech while you reviewed your notes. Hideko thanked the staff and also talked about what was about to come with the new year approaching. “We are holding to our usual holiday agenda, the training grounds and the gym are open if you want to train by yourself but I don’t think coach Foster wants to see your faces for at least a month.” 

“She’s right, please stay away from me.” Coach Foster said massaging the bridge of his nose and the team smiled, they all knew the man cared deeply for them and their well being. Bokuto, who was sitting beside him, gave him a side hug that made him grasp for whatever surface was in front of him. 

“Bokuto, stop tormenting the poor man.” Hideko glared at him. “As you might know, the big night it’s on New Year's eve. Some of the staff is required such as Y/N and her team, me, of course.” She rolled her eyes with her hand on her chest, stating his presence as a given. “And our athletic trainers, so don’t make plans this year. The rest of the staff is invited too but have the option not to go and spend the holiday with their families like normal people.” She sighed, not precisely delighted with the idea of spending new year technically working. 

“I can take care of things if any of you want to go home.” You said to your three assistants and they nodded. 

“Players are allowed to bring a plus one, blah blah blah, you know the drill. Please, you are grown adults and it’s the time of the year you can drink, don’t do something stupid that can end in more work for us.” She took her coffee cup from the table. “Any questions?” She asked before drinking from it, having the same reaction you had earlier to the hot beverage. “That’s really hot, shit.” She cussed.

“Do we have to wear a suit and tie?” Bokuto asked. 

“Yes, Bokuto, it’s a gala.”

“But I don’t know how to tie a tie.” He said, looking at Hideko with sad eyes. 

“Wear a bow one.” She answered without enthusiasm. “Y/N take the lead, I have another meeting with scary people with money.” She really meant the sponsors and the team owners, for someone as fierce and imposing to be intimidated by them meant they were business and one she had to tiptoe around to keep them happy, after meeting them at the team party you understood why she avoided them like the plague. 

“I just have some things to run with you guys and then we can go home, I’m not taking too long.”  You stood up when Hideko left. “No more interviews, your schedule is closed for the rest of the month and I will start booking once we announce the team tryouts on mid January. Like always, I'm not responsible for paparazzi’s but if you get spotted you already know what to do.” Taking a deep breath you continued as you reviewed your notebook. “Regarding the awards, if you win something the interviews are not in my hands, so expect casual interviews the day after. We will be monitoring during the holidays too, so you can call me if something happens.” You looked up to everyone listening to you attentively. 

It felt good, being respected felt good. You were more than thankful for the opportunities you had and for taking the position, specially with the Black Jackals, it was a family in every aspect and you felt welcomed since day one and being recognized for all your work the past six months was enough for you to walk with your head up high again proud of your work and your team. “And lastly, I would like to thank all of you for working so well this season and putting up with the hell sent schedule we had the past month. I think we all did a great job.” You offered a bright smile to everyone in the room. 

“Are you kidding? You saved our asses this season, Y/N! We should be thanking you.” Inunaki said and everyone agreed. 

“That’s true, you did an amazing job since day one.” You looked at Meian who smiled at you fondly. 

“Well, it was a team effort, my girls worked really hard too.” You pointed at your three assistants who looked at you with pink cheeks and shiny eyes. “Well, unless any of you have any questions I think that’s it for today.”  Everyone gathered their belongings and left the meeting room, you went straight to your office to get your purse and lock the place before heading home. 

“Wanna have some lunch with ‘Samu?” You heard Atsumu say. 

“That depends, can I pay for my food?” 

“Not a chance.” He shook his head. “He invited Kita-san and Suna apparently likes you better than me and asked me to invite you.” He explained and you raised a brow. 

“You don’t want me there?” You laid on your desk, hands resting on your sides and legs crosses in front of you, he rolled his eyes and walked closer to you. 

“Of course I do, what are you talking about?” His warm hand caressed your cheek and you held to his wrist moving his hand to rest on your shoulder. “So? You coming or not. If you don’t ‘Samu will be mad at me.” 

“He’s a big boy, he’ll live.” You joked and he poked your side. “Let me lock the place and we can go.” You grabbed your keys from your desk and locked your office, hoping to not have to come back in a few weeks. Sighing, you turned back to see Atsumu holding his car keys and a smug grin, you walked out the training grounds and to the parking lot where some members of the team had a conversation outside their cars, you waved goodbye and Atsumu opened the front seat door for you. 

“Driving her again, Miya?” Barnes asked boarding his own car. 

“Such a gentleman, I’m so proud.” Inunaki followed. 

“Very funny, Inu-san. But no, we are having lunch with my brother.” You couldn’t really hear what they were saying right after he closed the door, but figured that they were still messing with him by Atsumu’s expression. “God, they are so annoying.” He grumbled when he got in the car. 

“Everything okay?” You looked at him in the eye, his brows were furrowed and a few creases showed his frustration and annoyance at his teammates. You ran your thumb across his forehead and smiled. “You are going to get wrinkles before you turn thirty, ‘Tsumu.” His ears turned red at your sudden touch and he tried to hide it by frowning even more. 

“Let’s just go.” He could almost swear his heart was about to burst out of his chest. He started the car engine and maneuvered in reverse turning his head back and his hand intentionally placed on the head rest of your seat. “You have plans for the holidays?” 

“My family is coming for Christmas and we are visiting some relatives not too far from here; and of course the awards, I might travel to Miyagi to see some friends but I’m not sure yet.” You played with the seatbelt as you recounted your plans. “What about you?”

“‘Samu and I are going to Hyogo to see our parents, we usually visit Kita and his grandma with the rest of the team the day after christmas and then Suna and I are driving to Tokyo for the party.” With his body slightly forward making sure there were no other cars, he took the turn to the avenue where Onigiri Miya was located, his finger drummed on the gear shift to the music from the radio. 

“Osamu is not going to the party?” You questioned. 

“He gave vacations to all of his employees and has to take care of the shop.” He explained and stopped the car in front of the shop. “I'm starving.” You took your seatbelt off and opened the door at the same time as him, not giving him time to open the door for you like he always did, but he was faster than you and opened the entrance door. It was almost noon so the shop was quite busy, people in the stalls and booths enjoying their food and talking about their days, the constant sound of silverware jingling and the smell of fresh rice welcomed you into the shop as you walked to the counter where Suna’s slouched figure waited. Atsumu greeted him with a pat on his back, making Suna turn around to shake hands and ‘bro hug’ him. “Where 's ‘Samu? 

“The kitchen, he should be done by now. Hi, Y/N.” Suna pushed Atsumu to the side and grinned at you lazily. 

“Hey Suna, I haven’t seen you since the match in Sendai.”  Like Hana, Suna got along with you pretty fast, you caught up with his sarcastic humor and easy going personality, he showed you a lot of photos from his high school memories, he was a great story teller, never missing embarrassing details and adding snarky comments here and there. On said match at Sendai, you finally figured out why he looked so familiar the first time you met him. It turns out he went to the same university as you and you interviewed the middle blocker once for an article when you were a journalist for your school’s newspaper. When you told him he laughed at you saying he already knew but wanted to see how long it would take you to figure it out.

“Well, you’ve been busy.” He looked to the side, his tone was bitter, the taste of defeat lingering on his tongue after losing the finals to the Black Jackals. 

“Don’t be a sore loser, Suna.” You said taking the seat by his side, almost missing his jaw clenching. “Losing is normal, you don’t have to feel bad about it.” You teased. 

“You are not going to let me live that one down, aren’t you?”  

“Absolutely not.” You looked at Atsumu this time, he was looking at his phone screen clearly bored, he was extremely moody when hungry, that’s something you learnt during the season when he would go quiet for hours and back to his usual self once he had something to eat. “You okay?” You asked and he laid his head on your shoulder. 

“I’m hungry.” He groaned. You gave him a few pats on the side of his face and felt his body relax to your touch as you continued your chat with Suna. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Osamu chimed in coming out of the kitchen, making his brother get up instantly. “Food is almost ready, before you ask.” 

“Perfect timing.” You heard a stern voice behind you and all three tensed, you looked behind you to see Kita removing his cap. “I need some help with the rice bags, mind helping me?”  Atsumu and Osamu made their way to the door and to Kita’s truck in no time, Kita trailing behind. 

“Why do you guys look so scared?” You asked Suna. 

“Are you kidding? Kita popped out of nowhere!” Suna whispered, as if Kita could hear him from outside the shop. “He’s really scary sometimes.” You rolled your eyes. Kita was intimidating and really severe, but not enough to make you shiver.

“You only say that because you guys always do something to upset him.” 

“That’s not true.” He exclaimed. 

“Nothing to hide, nothing to fear, dear.” The restaurant doors opened, showing Atsumu and Osamu fighting to get in first, pushing each other, Suna and you watched unamused, knowing one of them would get hurt sooner or later, you were now used to their sometimes not so playful fighting. Just as you were placing your bet with Suna, they stopped on their tracks and Osamu stepped back to let Atsumu walk in. “What just happened?” You asked yourself rather than Suna, Kita stood behind the twins , Atsumu walked past you and lifted the countertop door, leaving the rice bag on the cold table. You heard Osamu mumble ‘I’m sorry, Kita-san.’ from the door and went straight to the kitchen. You couldn’t believe how easily he made the twins calm down. 

“Sorry about that.” Kita apologized to you. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m already used to it.” You said calmly. Kita and Atsumu sat down and Osamu came out of the kitchen with another server, one plate of onigiri on each hand. You thanked him and the server who gave you a water bottle. Atsumu, as impatient as he was, scarfed down the extremely hot onigiri and immediately opened his mouth, steam came out from it and he whined in pain, placing his hand under his chin to prevent food from spilling. Everyone watched him jump on his seat chanting ‘hot, hot, hot’  as he tried to chew the rice ball, you giggled and opened his water bottle for him, when he finally swallowed his food he exhaled in relief and gulped down half of the contents from the plastic bottle. 

“Where are your manners, Atsumu? You can’t do that kind of thing in front of the girl you are courting.”  Kita reprimanded him and Atsumu choked on his water, little droplets spilling on the counter. Suna and Osamu couldn’t stop laughing at the setter — you were laughing too, but you felt bad for Atsumu— you made sure he wasn’t choking anymore and excused yourself to the bathroom, ears burning from Kita’s comment. “What was that?” Atsumu’s eyes almost popped out of his face. 

“What?” Kita asked, unbothered. 

“The girl you are courting? Really?” Atsumu stressed running his hands through his hair. 

“Well, aren’t you?” Kita inquired. 

“Yes! But it sounds weird when you say it like that.” Embarrassed, Atsumu rested his head on the counter looking at  Suna’s direction, Osamu wiped the wet surface and yanked Atsumu’s hair lightly to make him sit correctly as you joined them again, asking him if he felt better, he nodded and moved closer to you. As always, Osamu’s food was amazing and you had fun messing with Suna and Osamu, so much that you didn’t noticed the moment they all started planning the next reunion at your place, claiming that it was your initiation as the newest addition to the group, but you knew they just were nosy, even Kita was curious to know where you lived, so you couldn’t say no. 

You waited outside the restaurant with Kita who insisted on keeping you company while Atsumu and Suna helped Osamu with something in the back. “How are things going between you two?” He asked, completely aware of how vague the question was, just wanting to test the waters. You gulped and met his eyes.

“Atsumu and I? Uh, fine, I guess.” You answered uncertainly, tilting your head.

“He’s taking too long.” He asserted with his arms crossed.

“I guess you are right, but I don’t want to rush anything or make him feel like he has to do something when I could easily take the first step, but I’m afraid he’s not sure yet.” You rambled in your place, Kita grinned and looked away. “You meant inside the shop, right?” His grin widened at your question and you huffed in frustration. “That was not funny.” 

“I didn’t do anything, but now that you got that out of your system, I think that’s a conversation you should have with Atsumu. It’s almost painful seeing you two being limited by a simple title when you can fix that rather easily, I don’t know what’s stopping you.” He pondered. 

‘A lot of things.’ You thought. You fixed your eyes on the glass door, you could see Atsumu coming out of the kitchen along with his brother, he looked upset, dragging his feet with every step like a kicked puppy. “Think about it.” That was Kita’s final remark before Atsumu walked out the door, you waved goodbye to Osamu and Kita and walked to Atsumu’s car, feeling a familiar numbness on your limbs and the stinging sensation on your head increased with every passing minute. 

Kita’s words were crude, but you were sure he meant no harm, but even so, the last thing you wanted to do was thinking about the stage of your pseudo-relationship with Atsumu, the reality check tied to it was terrifying. You didn’t want to ruin everything, afraid of not being what he wanted but what he settled for, —or even worse, a distraction— you tried to shrug it all away, but it was hard to believe after all you went through. The thought of not being enough was enough to make you shiver, muscle memory taking you back to the time where you lost yourself to the viciousness of your own brain and it’s deprecating self speech of unworthiness and pity. 

You were stronger now, yes, but at what cost? You now lacked trust and silently craved reassurance or a sign that you were doing things right for yourself this time. 

Staring at the road lost in your thought you couldn’t hear Atsumu calling your name, you felt a big hand on your knee, moving it slightly to get your attention. “Are you okay?” He was clearly worried, luckily the traffic light turned red, you turned your head and stared at him confused. “You are a bit out of it since we left the restaurant.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking. You said something?” 

“I was saying that my building’s management called and said the complex is out of power and that it would take a few hours to fix the problem, and I asked you if I could stay with you for a few hours.” He repeated himself. 

“Sure, it’s still really early, we can watch a movie if you want to.” You offered trying to ease the tension. “Anything but Fast and Furious.” 

“Come on! They are amazing.” He protested. The light turned green and he moved the car.

“We watch them every time you are at my place.” You complained. “Let’s watch something else, it’s getting old.” Atsumu gasped, offended by your comment. 

“Terminator then.” He laughed at your annoyed expression and kept driving ‘til you reached your building’s parking lot. You changed your clothes while Atsumu picked the movie. He was really worried about you, what happened at the restaurant? He texted Kita asking if you said something or looked uncomfortable while he was being lectured by Osamu and Suna. ‘You need to talk.’ was Kita’s reply, sighing he left his phone on the coffee table and waited for you to come out of your room. 

‘I don’t know what game you are playing here, but don’t waste that girl’s time.’

Osamu’s words replayed in his head. Was he really taking too long? He knew the answer to that question, but uncertainty always fogged his thinking, and a thousand other questions creeped inside, making it harder for him to tell you how much he needed you. How much would things change if the unspoken pact you two created turned into a real talk, would you stay? 

He was not afraid of commitment, he was afraid that he never committed to anything that wasn’t volleyball, he didn’t know how to be a boyfriend but he knew he wanted to be yours. You never treated him differently and cared enough to see past the bad reputation he had, you cared about him. He got used to your nature but oftentimes forgot about how important stability can be, you weren’t teenagers anymore and sooner or later you would get tired. He had all the intentions, but just like you, the fear of not being enough held him back. 

You were scared of being replaced and he was scared to hurt you. 

“What are we watching?” You sat by his side and crossed your legs. You were now wearing a hoodie with the team logo and signature claw scratches, sweatpants and your hair was tied in a high ponytail. 

“I couldn’t pick one, so you choose.” He passed you the remote and laid back on the couch. You ended up watching Bride Wars, the two of you had terrible taste in movies so you alway went for the safe options, and you always ended up chatting halfway through and not paying attention to the film. 

“She deserves better than Fletcher anyway.” Atsumu played with your hair as the movie credits appeared on the screen, your back was on his chest raising slightly with his steady breathing. 

“She really did, she settled because she felt pressured.” You held his hand and interlocked his fingers with yours. 

“What do you mean?” He looked down at your hands now connected and smiled to himself. 

“When you spend that many years with someone you think the only reasonable thing is to stay forever with them, and sometimes that’s not what you want, but that realization comes really late, look at her, she was about to get married when she came to her senses, she was getting married because it was what everyone expected her to do, she had to convince herself she wanted it, that she wanted him.” You explained. “He made things hard for her, and still she tried to make it work for both of them, it wasn’t fair for her.” Atsumu hummed in agreement and noticed how your tone decreased with every word. You went silent for a while lost in your thoughts again. 

“You’ve been acting weird since we left the restaurant. What 's going on?” He asked, shifting in his place trying to get a better look of your face, your eyes were glossy and your brows slightly furrowed. 

“I don’t know.” You sighed heavily. “I’m scared.”  You played with the strings of your hoodie. “I don’t want to feel like someone just settled for me again.” You continued, fighting the memories from last year when you felt his arms tightening around you. “I don’t want to go through that again, I got so used to giving more than I could, to trying to do my best and beyond and still that wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough.” You weren’t crying, there was nothing to cry about in the first place, you were just tired of battling your inner thoughts, you wanted a break.

“Don’t say that, your ex was an idiot for letting you go. Y/N, you are the most caring and dedicated person I’ve ever met, if anything, you were the one who settled for someone who couldn’t give his everything for you.” He felt the vibrations of your body as you chuckled. 

“Yeah, my friends always tell me that.”  He kissed your temple gently.

“See? He was just a scrub.”  ‘And I would treat you so much better.’

“Sorry I got too emotional.” You looked up and he placed another kiss on your forehead. 

“Don’t apologize for having feelings, it’s normal.” You raised an eyebrow and tried to break free from his embrace to rest your chin on his chest. “What?” He asked. 

“I never expected you to say something like that, you are very wary of showing your feelings.” You pointed out, running a hand through his blonde hair and he poked your side making you laugh, it was your turn to peck his chin. You enjoyed the comfortable silence that set between you two, propping your head on his chest close enough to hear his heart beating, eyes closed in bliss. You were safe. 

“I’m sorry for being too slow.” He said. “I think it’s obvious I like you, and while I enjoy what we have now, you deserve clarity and I need to get this out of my chest.” He made you sit correctly,  you lightly stretched your limbs as you got up. Atsumu took your hand and played with your fingers trying to word his thoughts. “I’m scared too. I’ve never been in a relationship and I didn’t know how to talk to you about this, I thought maybe you weren’t looking for something serious, especially with me, you know? But I like to think we are on the same page now.” You nodded and he continued. “Give me a few days, let me make it special for you to see I’m serious about this, and that I want to treat you better, please.” His eyes finally met yours. 

“Take all the time you need, ‘Tsumu, I think I need some time too and  I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything.”  

“You are not, stop saying that. I want this.” He grumbled frustrated.

“Me too.” You kissed the back of his hand and he hugged you again. You watched another silly rom-com and talked about the party a little more before Atsumu received a call from his building’s management to notify him that the power was restored, it was around 7 p.m. so he got ready to leave, with his keys in one hand and his phone in his pocket he walked to the door with you following behind. “I’ll see you at the party then.” 

“That’s a lot of time.” He complained.

“Stop whining, it’s just two weeks.”  You scrunched your nose when he bent down to kiss it.

“I’ll call you everyday if I can’t see you.” He smirked. 

“Please do.” You rolled your eyes. He puckered his lips, waiting for his mandatory goodbye kiss but you took the chance to pinch his lips with your fingers making him instantly step back. “Good night, ‘Tsumu.” You said before he could say anything and closed your door. A muffled ‘That’s not fair.’ could be heard from the other side, Atsumu stared at your door, he tensed his jaw and shook his head for a second. He couldn’t hide the lovesick grin adorning his face as he walked to his car. 

He had two very long weeks ahead.   

(a/n: uh hELLO, this chapter ruined all my planning but i think those two are really cute, now QUICK QUESTION, would you like to see what iwaizumi aka mr. cheater is up to??? maybe?? no??? you guys tell me! i have the wip but idk if y’all would like to see it, i’ll be reading y’all. anyways, remember the fic has a playlist and y’all can check it out, also if you have song recs to add i would love to hear them!! i hope everyone is healthy and doing great at school or work :)) please stay safe and wear your masks!!) 

masterlist

TAGLIST (closed): @aonenthusiast @wiseeggspickleslime​ @koushisun​ @airheadpillar​ @sunflwrsandprettyskies​ @bbkiyoomi​ @daphnxy​ @shephard17895​ @avatarkyoshithewarrior​ @for-rebloggery​ @vv-bee999-vv vv @fi16ns @asdfghjkl7things @glassykaashi @strawhatshepard @hawkssnugget @msby-kei @toobsessedsstuff @a-moon-fairy @cuteissei @ramblingsofagoofyperson @pinoyrella @kiyoomisimp

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 132

Yes, I know... it’s late again :(

I realized at about 1030a this morning, when I was 30 miles and a minimum of 7 hours from my computer. The guilt was real.

Also, I recently upgraded computers, so I apologize for any editing errors.  Honestly, I don’t have my preferred word processing program on here to check and make sure all my flavor editing is done correctly, so I’m probably going to come back and re-do it when that’s available.  However, I PRIDE myself on the fact that I may post a few hours late, but never the next day! (even though my deadline is technically Tues or Thurs each week?. I dunno)

Quick kudos to @baelpenrose, @the-raven-fae, @anotherusrname, and @charlylimph-blog for being my writing team!

The next morning, I staggered into work very much regretting the onions that I dared to put on the table the night before - I had only gotten a few hours sleep the night before thanks to two rather tall men who shared a tendency to snore like congested warthogs. Fortunately, Vati and Hannah were off today, so I didn’t have to hide the gargantuan yawns every few minutes.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t spared from the sarcastic wit of my assistant, who breezed in the door and simply arched an eyebrow at me. “Hmm, having a coffee day, I see.”

“I can’t look that tired,” I grumbled, shoving my hair out of my face and sulking into my cup - which unfortunately did contain coffee, as predicted.

“You do smell that tired, I am afraid.  And by you, I mean the deplorable muck you are drinking.”

Alistair wasn’t a fan of coffee, obviously, but I was admittedly drinking a really strong cup of it. “The guys had a terrifying amount of onions with dinner last night,” I confessed.

To my satisfaction, he wrinkled his nose. “Delightful.” He also despised onions, more so than he did coffee. “Fortunately, you have quite a sparse schedule this morning.”

Shaking my head, I broke the news to him. “Change of plans. Xio got the list of shelter locations back to me and Tyche yesterday, ironically after we had been complaining about not having them. Pretty sure she was listening in.”

The eyebrow arched again. “Another ‘sensor test’, I assume?”

“Don’t know, don’t care,” I shrugged. “We wanted the list, we got the list. And an ersatz apology in the form of which area can hold how many people, which makes our end much easier.  Bump it up against a map of who is closest to which location, and half our work is done.”

I flicked the list to the emitter on the conference table, and got started. Since Parvati and Hannah were up to their eyeballs in their plotting for the Food Festival, and our job had been significantly lightened in regards to deciding shelter locations, I made the executive decision to take the lead on this project and pull in Tyche for assistance if Alistair and I needed it.  Maybe Arthur if I got desperate for extra help, but working with him and Alistair at the same time was chancy at best - they spent so much time snarking at each other, it could be harder to get work done than if I did it alone sometimes.

Soon, Alistair and I had a map of the Ark, with all shelter locations highlighted and the data from Xiomara’s report overlaid. I had my head down, programming the shelter locations to change color when the capacity limits Xiomara provided were reached, when Alistair noticed something. “Why, pray tell, are the Archives on this map?”

I didn’t even look up. “Probably because it’s the furthest location on the ship from the real-space engines, so it’s the safest place if someone tries to blow those.”

“You are mistaken.” He tapped on the table to get my attention. “The Archives are right on top of the engines, which is why it was available for use: when it was empty, the room was so noisy it was difficult to be in there for more than a handful of minutes.”

Shaking my head, I tapped the ‘front’ of the ship to highlight it. “These are the real-space engines, apparently. When we drop out of relativistic space, these will fire to start slowing us down as we approach Von. These,” I tapped the ‘back’ of the ship, “Are the relativistic engines, which we are using now, which is why that room was so loud when you found it.  According to Noah, for safety purposes, they are housed at opposite ends of the ship.  Also, pretty sure no one is going to try to blow the relativistic engines.  Something quantum physics related that made sense but I would probably explain it wrong.  Big boom, big shrink, no survivors is the gist.”

The disgusted look he gave my explanation was glorious. “So people will be in the Archives, no doubt touching things.”

“They’re books, Alistair. They are meant to be touched and read.” Glancing at the map, I was actually impressed - I never realized how large the Archives were.  They made up nearly an entire deck, albeit the second-smallest on the Ark. “Hang on, someone is already assigned there? Did you do that?”

He scoffed. “I certainly did not, I assumed you had.”

“Nope.  Must have been Xiomara,” I trailed off before tapping the icon indicating an assignment to see who it was.

I started to smile, only to be scared out of my mind by Alistair suddenly shouting. “NO! Absolutely not, I will go tell Councillor Kalloe myself. I - I shall duel her if need be! I refuse to allow this to occur.”

“Alistair, if you duel Xiomara, you’ll probably wind up dead. You know that right?”

“It is only over my dead body that you will be sheltering the Archives. Absolutely not.”

“I’m not going to hurt your precious books, you know that. If anything, I’ll be able to make sure no one else does, either.”

“Not going to hurt the books!?” he nearly shrieked.  I was starting to worry about how hysterical he was getting before he pinched his nose and took a few breaths to calm down. “Madam Reid, I am aware that you will not, through deliberate action or mischance, directly harm a single item in that Archive. I am equally aware that there are certain things that you are distressingly oblivious to, one of which being your own poor luck, if events that take place after being rescued from a global infrastructure collapse can count as poor luck. I shall endeavor to clarify to you why I am so concerned with this.”

Uh oh. He was being very formal.  This was never a good thing.

Before I could object, however, he forged on. “This entire planning exercise is aimed at what, precisely?”

“Designating shelters for non-combatants,” I answered slowly, confused.

“Shelters in the event of what?”

“If we are forcefully boarded in the month after we drop out of relativistic space?”

“Correct.  Which is clearly a bad thing, true?”

“True…”

“And what, remind me, do you have a tendency to do when bad things happen?”

“Plow into the middle of them, which is probably why Xiomara wants me as far from potential combat as possible, so I can’t - “

“Dying, Madam Reid. You have a tendency of dying.”

“Almost dying,” I corrected meekly.  I could unfortunately see where this was going.

“Whenever bad things happen on the Ark, the bad things find you,” he almost hissed. “And I would rather that they not find you in the middle of the only books - potentially the only artifacts, period - that we have from Earth.”

“It may distract them from killing me?” I pointed out.

The glare he gave me rivalled Tyche at her worst.  I probably would have been flattened, had I not built up immunity to far more vicious gazes. “No, this won’t do at all. I must speak to Councillor Kalloe immediately.  And quite likely to Farro.  Let me update the less-endangered Reid that she shall need to arrive early to assist you…”

Any attempt I made to try to dissuade him from the abrupt shortening of his lifespan was ultimately ignored.  As he tried to breeze past my sister, I resorted to grabbing his sleeve and physically stopping him. “Alistair!  You cannot go fight Xiomara to make her put me somewhere else! It’s not worth it!”

He stopped in his tracks, confusion flooding his face. “Somewhere else?  Madam Reid - please unhand me, thank you - whatever gave you that impression?”

“You - the books - dying… I’m so confused. What are you going to fight Xio about, then?”

“I cannot argue the logic of keeping you as far from the engines as possible, nor the logic of placing you as close to something that would deter any invading parties from making rash or reckless decisions.  It is likely quite safer for the ship, in all honesty.”

“Then…?”

He sighed and shook his head. “I am going to speak to Xiomara about removing myself from the non-combatant list and instead being one of the persons assigned to the Archives to defend it from any hostile parties,” he admitted.  “Farro will need to help me brush up on defensive techniques, but I am certain it will be easier to keep the Archives from disaster if I protect it myself.”

“Hey!” Tyche objected. “I’m already assigned to the Archives! She’ll be safe!”

Turning on a heel, he waved a hand over his shoulder dismissively. “You protect your sister from invaders. I shall protect the Archives from her.”

As the door closed behind him, she gave me a baffled look. “Long story,” I sighed. “I’ll explain while we start allocating people.”

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[jpegjade]

Pact it in - Spencer

We have a new fic!! everyone handclaps for @hypotheticalforest for this great idea!! i made a tiiiiny detail change but it wasn’t huge. 

request: Spencer and reader are best friends that are both fed up with dating so they made a pact to get married if they’re both still single at 35? But then the reader starts talking to other guys and notices that Spencer is sabotaging things? Like coincidentally texting her while she’s out, point out their flaws, little stuff like that. Spencer doesn’t realize what he’s doing until she calls him out?

warnings: tbh i dont think there are any. a little angsty but i promise there’s fluff. 

__________________

“Spencer, what the hell is wrong with you?” You asked as he pushed open your apartment door. 

Spencer, as smart as he was, seemed to be a total idiot sometimes. 

“What do you mean? That guy literally was checking out the waitress when he should’ve been checking you out. Did he even make a comment on your highlighter? Your cheekbones look immaculate.” Spencer held the door open for you as you walked in. 

“How did you even happen to show up to the same bar where we chose to get drinks?” You asked, putting your bag down on the couch, collapsing next to it. 

“I didn’t know that’s where you were going. Morgan just asked me to stop by there with him.” Spencer shrugged. 

“Oh, so Morgan asked you to stop by the place where I had my date, profile him, make an ass out of both you and me, and then bring me home after almost punching the guy?” You questioned, skeptically. 

You knew Spencer could be an idiot but you didn’t know he could be so dumb to think he would sneak this one past you. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry. I genuinely didn’t know that you were going to be there and I thought a night with Morgan would be a good thing for me.” Spencer said looking down at his feet.

“Spencer, what are you talking about? You hate bars.” You wondered what Spencer could possibly be going on about. 

“I feel like you’re pulling away and we’ll miss the big day...” Spencer got quiet as he watched your emotions shift in front of him. 

“Spencer…” You said, all angry resolve melting off of you. 

Spencer didn’t look forward to his birthday. Too much had happened over the years and so little of it was good. He didn’t have much to celebrate so he didn’t bother celebrating it. His mom wasn’t doing that great, the team was constantly shifting, and nothing was stable for him except his relationship with you. This birthday was bound to be different. He had been looking forward to it ever since you made the pact.

A few years ago, you and Spencer decided that you needed to focus on your careers and not bother with dating anyone because nothing was turning out right. You both agreed that if you were both single at 35, you would date each other and if things went well, your happy ending would be with the other person. Your 35th birthday already passed and you weren’t seriously dating anyone. Spencer’s birthday was in a week and he made sure to stay single just for you. 

“Are you still serious about that?” You asked. 

“You aren’t?” Spencer could feel his heart breaking slowly. 

“No, I mean… Spencer, come on.” You looked at your shoes. 

There was a heavy silence between the two of you as you both thought back to the day when you made the agreement, putting it down on paper. 

***

“Y/n, please get up.” Spencer said, trying to pull you up. 

You hadn’t moved from bed in 3 days after you got dumped in the most humiliating way possible on Valentine’s Day: a text message after you booked a very expensive restaurant and bought the best champaign they had. They stood you up for an hour then said ‘Sorry luv. It’s not working out xx.” 

“I’m worried about you.” Spencer said as you turned over so your back was facing him. 

“You shouldn’t be. I’m just swearing off having a significant other for… Forever.” You said, sighing. 

Spencer didn’t like to see you upset, especially not over a romantic interest. He knew how it felt to lose someone you really liked. His job had taken away so many people he felt a genuine connection with that he hated to think you were giving up on something that could be so wonderful. Ever the realist, Spencer was a hopeless romantic at heart. 

“I don’t think you mean forever. Statistically, there’s no such thing, especially with matters of the heart.” Spencer was starting to get going on statistics about bad habits being the leading cause of breakups but you shot him a look that said you couldn’t handle statistics about your heart being broken. 

“Well, long enough to make me forget that there are actually people in the world who hate my personality enough to stand me up and pretend like they were going to come back to me or even talk to me again.” You said, turning over to face Spencer completely. 

“I like your personality enough to live with you.” Spencer said, staring at you. 

“Spencer, we’re best friends, first, and second, you’re gone half of the time so you don’t have to put up with me all the time.” You said, sighing. 

“That shouldn’t matter.” Spencer was confused at why being your friend would make anything different. 

“But it does. You know parts of me that I hide from new people in my life and look at what happens. I still end up crying alone in my bed.” You saw a new set of tears begin to obscure your vision slightly. 

“I don’t show all of myself and I lose people I love, even in the friend sense.” Spencer looked at you softly. 

He knows how it feels to be hurt and he knew you could be sensitive when you were really invested in something or someone and you were disappointed, especially if you admired it a lot. 

“What if we just married each other?” You said, sitting up. 

“What?” The air in Spencer’s lungs were sucked out of him. 

Of all the things he ever hoped you’d say, he didn’t think he would ever hear that one. 

“You and I should just get married.” You repeated. 

“Now?” Spencer was only capable of saying one word at a time as his heart was racing and his brain was overloading with happiness. 

“No, not now. Let’s give it a few years… Maybe if we’re still single at 35, we’ll date each other with the intent of getting married. I mean, hell, we’re practically married already.” You said, smiling a little bit. 

You always loved Spencer in a special way but you were always scared that he would turn you down so you never really went for it. You spent so much time burying the feelings that you didn’t think you even had a chance. 

“Let’s put this on paper.” Spencer said, yanking a piece of paper out of his journal. 

You wrote down the exact conditions you just outlined and drew two straight lines at the bottom for signatures. First, you signed. Spencer signed right after you. 

“Promise?” You said, holding your pinky out. 

“Promise.” He said, wrapping his pinky with yours.

***

“Do you still have the paper?” You asked, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah.” Spencer nodded. 

“Then the contract is still enacted.” You nodded slowly. You were trying to process what this meant. 

“Do you still want me?” Spencer asked, trying to keep it together. 

“Spencer… Listen.” You started. “I have spent years in love with you and it’s been hard. You’ve fallen in love with other girls and I’ve just been here. Waiting. So yeah, I started to look for other people because I don’t know if you even feel the same way, let alone still want to go through with that. Honestly, I haven’t forgotten about it. I just thought you would’ve thrown it out by now.” 

“I do.” Spencer muttered. 

“What?” You asked, making sure that you were hearing him correctly. 

“I do. I still feel the same way and I’m still serious about the contract.” He said, looking up at you. 

You were trying to find some hint of Spencer messing with you. You weren’t a profiler but this seemed too easy. This was going to lead in disappointment, right? 

“So what now?” You asked, almost in a whisper. 

“I guess we wait.” Spencer said, unsure what to really do. 

“Wait?” Your thoughts were racing but you didn’t understand why you would wait when you both wanted the same thing. 

“Yeah. It says we both have to be 35. I have one more week to go.” Spencer was so technical. 

“So does that mean I can’t kiss you for a week?” You asked, a small smile on your face. 

“The contract didn’t say anything about you giving me kisses…” Spencer blushed, his heart racing. 

“Well then I guess we found a loophole.” You said, closing the distance between you and Spencer.

[siren-dragon]

Do Androids Bleed Silver? (Ch.1) -- The Cat Returns fanfic

Hey everyone, I wrote another story and this time it isn’t a one-shot but a chaptered one. Yay! This is my first time doing a sci-fi story, so if it seems a little strange or odd, I apologize but I wanted to get something out before I go on vacation. Anyway, hope you all enjoy it! Also tagging @catsafarithewriter because they have been a wonderful support and inspiration.

Ao3 story link

Summary: Cyberpunk/Android AU

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‘Next stop; Shibuya Station. I repeat, next stop Shibuya Station.’ The automated voice sounded over the train intercom, ‘please wait until the train comes to a complete stop and stand away from the opening doors before disembarking.’

Looking down at the half-crumbled note in her hand, Haru took hold of her frayed but well-loved duffle bag and stood from her seat. “I guess this is my stop,” she muttered aloud before the exiting the train and out of the station.

In the year of 2207, the use of androids and cybernetics had advance to a level where their use was a common practice and the backbone of modern society; even in her much smaller hometown. But after entering Shibuya Crossing- Haru felt her backwater home was definitely not on the same level as Tokyo. The famed metropolis was well regarded as the forefront of robotics and cybernetics throughout the entire world but the invention of CREATIONS was the achievement that truly put the city into a category all of its own. Though technically possessing a robotics classification, many who’ve had the chance to see a CREATION regarded them as so life-like, it was almost as if their creator had conjured life itself….

And it was part of the reason why Haru wanted to study robotics in Tokyo; as the only robots that her hometown possessed were generic models of the Alpha and Beta-Classes. She wanted to see the daily technological wonders always taking place in Tokyo. But in truth, the real reason Haru wanted to go was because she loved to help others and repair problems. It was why she decided to study robotics and cybernetics in the first place- with the exception of her apparent talent in the field.

At first, many had viewed the cheery but ultimately clumsy brunette to be a bit of a hazard; and it wasn’t exactly a secret to Haru herself either. She could remember constantly stumbling on her impromptu runs to high school after having slept in- or when she once tripped cleaning the trash disposal unit in the classroom and ended up spilling the contents everywhere. But the moment she sat behind the small desk in her bedroom among the clutter of spare parts and tools, her once graceless movements sharpened and Haru would smile as she’d begin to skillfully repair whatever tech the residents of her hometown brought her. So, with the encouragement of Hiromi and Tsuge, she applied for various internships everywhere in Tokyo in the attempt to join someone’s Workshop team.

And it seemed that only one person was willing to give her a chance…

Walking further into the depths of Shibuya Haru gazed in amazement at the 3D holographic displays and looming skyscrapers that was a far cry from her small hometown. The streets were littered with people possessing a variety of enhancements the young woman had only seen before in adverts that managed to be broadcasted back home. Quickly shaking off her awe and hurryingly pulling out her note of directions once more, Haru began the walk away from the train station and towering skyscrapers while weaving her way through the small alleyways, the brunette teenager came to a halt once more on a rather isolated street. Glancing down once more at the paper in her hand, Haru glanced up at the sight before her with a bit of surprise.

“This… is the Bureau?” Haru spoke, looking at the old, neon green sign that flickered slightly with a smaller neon sign saying the Workshop was open beside an open doorway that was partially blocked by a dark noren curtain. Next to what was meant to be the entryway into the shop was a pair of roll-up garage doors- one of which was already lifted up to reveal the illuminated Workshop within. Tools ranging from chisels and wrenches of all sizes to a designated soldering station, making her maple-colored eyes glow with delight.

“If you don’t have any business Chicky, keep walking. This isn’t a museum.” A gruff voice sounded, causing her to jump slightly.

Standing up from beside what, to Haru’s surprise, was an AeroCycle on a hydraulic lift was probably the largest man the young woman had ever seen. He was tall and rather stout with ivory crew-cut hair and a dark stubble about his mouth and chin while dark brown eyes gave her an unimpressed stare as he crossed his arms; with the left being a robotic prosthesis baring a shade reminiscent of a dark coffee. As the man took in her short height, petite frame, and slightly disheveled ponytail; Haru only hoped he didn’t immediately send her back home based on looks alone- after all, she knew her appearance didn’t exactly scream ‘mechanic’.

“Well? Do you have business here or not Chicky?” He asked again, a hint of impatience coloring his tone.

“Sorry sir, my name is Haru Yoshioka… I’m the intern assistant you made the offer to.”

It was here a skeptical eyebrow lifted as his hands soon went to his hips. Haru mentally scrambled for a way to defend her skills should this man end up turning her away, but he only asked one question. “Can you cook?”

“…Yes?” Haru answered, still a little confused.

“Show me; head up there and make something then bring it over. We’ll talk after.” And with that said, the man returned to his work on the AeroCycle without another word.

Haru could only stare with a slightly dumbfounded expression before letting loose a soft sigh and followed his brief and general directions. Up a set of steel stairs lay a large viewing window, which oversaw the garage, and another door that lead into the living quarters that was surprisingly clean; if a bit cluttered. To the left lay a small kitchenette while the right had a simple living room and a corridor that led further into the flat. Turning to the kitchen and figuring not to keep the man who’d likely become her boss waiting, Haru was quick to fix a lunch from a hamburger steak with a fried egg on top and rice (it was either that or one of the instant ramen containers nestled in the pantry) and returned to see the stout man now talking to a customer while gesturing to the AeroCycle. “Next time learn to drive properly bird-brain.”

“And I told you before, lard-ball, it crashed during a chase!” The customer, who was dressed in a police officers’ uniform, snapped in response all the while glaring at the mechanic.

The mechanic merely grinned savagely, as if he was used to the explosive behavior from the officer. “While you were chasing what? A nearby bird.”

“As if you’re one to talk, you over-sized marshmallow. I’m surprised you can even climb the stairs to your flat without them snapping from the strain.”

“You say that again, you big chicken!”

“Umm… excuse me,” Haru spoke up, causing both men to swerve their heads to her immediately. “Is everything alright? I’ve got the lunch ready.”

“Thanks, Chicky, I’ll just take that off your hands.” The larger of the two men spoke, retrieving the succulent smelling meal with a gleam in his eyes, “and congratulations- you pass my test; welcome to The Bureau. The name’s Muta and this idiot here is Bird-Brain, a regular.”

“The name is Officer Toto Tsubame, nice to meet you and please, ignore this fatso.” Toto replied instead, bowing in greeting with a kind smile. “Are you new to the district? You are a bit young to be on your own…”

While Muta was large and hefty, Toto was his complete opposite with a slim frame and long, layered black locks tied into a small ponytail at the nape of his neck; reminding the brunette of a bird’s feathers. His skin was a tad darker than the larger mechanic and his clothes the standard dark navy-blue police uniform with the exception of knee-high shock absorption boots and a black carbon-fiber and titanium woven shirt that rested under the uniform with the cuffs rolled to his elbows. But what truly caught Haru’s attention was the unique dark-grey coloration of his eyes that she had only seen a few times before in holo-books or advertisements. “Oh wow, you have an optical upgrade on your eyes, I’ve never seen that before. That’s really cool…”

Here Toto gave a good-natured laugh, “you’re definitely new to Tokyo if this is your first time seeing something like that, but well spotted. My eyes have been altered with increased monocular vision and can see with UV and Infrared, alongside night vision. Plus, the color is a rather nice aesthetic as well- but that’s enough about me; what brings you here to the city Miss…”

“Haru. Haru Yoshioka, and it’s nice to meet you too.” She smiled, giving a bow of greeting in return. “I am here for an intern job at the Bureau. But, I’m not sure what cooking really has to do with robotics and engineering.”

Muta bit into the hamburger steak and sighed happily as he devoured the plate of food while Toto groaned at the mechanic’s table manners; or lack thereof. “I didn’t want some assistant who couldn’t take care of themselves, I’m not a babysitter. Besides, if you weren’t skilled enough to be here, I wouldn’t have offered you the job in the first place.”

“O-Oh, thank you.” Haru beamed, more than relieved that though he seemed to be rather rough and intimidating, Muta wasn’t that bad- arguing with Toto aside. “I promise I’ll do my best, and thank you for your help Moo-ta.” Haru quickly gasped, raising her hands to her mouth in horror as if attempting to prevent the words from being heard, but it was too late.

“What?! Did you just say Moo? Like I’m some kind of fat cow!”

“No, no, you’re just fat! Oh- um…”

Toto, meanwhile, had lost all pretense of professionalism and started laughing with tears of amusement threatening to spill from his eyes. “Bahahaha! Oh, you’re going to fit in here quite well with nicknames like that Haru. I’m definitely going to be using that one.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up bird-brain.” Muta grumbled, glaring at the still chuckling policeman, “and you Chicky- you got anything to say for yourself or to me, your boss?”

Haru gave a nervous smile, “I’m sorry Muta, it really did slip out. Would you accept an Insta-Pudding with my apology?”

The ivory-haired man stared down at her with an irritated look before sighing, “make it an Angel Cake from Osono’s bakery down the street, and we’re even.”

“Coming right up!” The young woman chimed before quickly making her way toward the aforementioned bakery.

Toto and Muta both watched her leave with the former giving a thoughtful hum, “Yoshioka huh? I don’t suppose she wouldn’t happen to be related to Hayata Yoshioka, would she?”

“His daughter apparently, if you’re that curious. And she’s only a few good years younger than you and me, idiot.” Muta answered, releasing the AeroCycle from the hydraulic lift while wiping the oil and grease from his hands. “I didn’t know he had a kid, and thought the name was just a coincidence till I saw the resume file Haru and her friends sent me. She was apparently fixing Alpha-class mechs at 11 years old.”

Toto gave an impressed whistle, “well, she’s certainly her father’s daughter if that’s the case.”

"I thought that too, but it was the fact that she has no personal cyber-enhancements that really sealed the deal." Muta added, that information causing the slim police officer to splutter in shock. "So I thought ‘why not?’ and decided to give her a shot; and it wasn’t like I was going to turn down the help- so here we are. But the fact that she can cook is a definite bonus.”

“Do you ever not think from your stomach?”

“Shut up, bird-brain!”

Toto sighed, “well, just try to keep an eye on her, alright? Not everything is exactly safe here, so if you ever need anything give me a call.”

“Thanks… you big chicken,” Muta answered before giving a devious grin and holding out his hand. “Now for the repairs, that’ll be 3,500 credits.”

“What?! That’s daylight robbery!”

“Is that so? And here I was giving you the ‘Friends and Family’ discount. But if you would rather pay full-price, who am I to deny you that.”

By the time Haru returned to the Workshop, she could hear Toto and Muta starting to argue once more and was glad she decided to buy two cakes in order to pacify both parties. Though slightly nervous about her new job, Haru couldn't help the feeling of joy at the upcoming work ahead of her.

[heavenunderthemoon]

Doctor, Doctor- Luke Alvez x Reader

Summary: Luke gets injured on a case and you’re his doctor

warnings: mentions of assault

The team had found themselves on a rather hard case, harder than most. Those that were in their home territory tended to do that.

Cases at home meant that, suddenly, that tiny, invisible, practically none-existent barrier between them and the monsters was ripped away.  That fine layer of protection that seemed to encase them every time they got off the jet, stepped off that plane and hailed their cabs back home, back to their family, back to their safety, was gone. Every twig snap, shadow, and eerie noise had their senses on edge. Not only did it cause the team to become more tense but it also awakened a protective rage. Monsters weren't supposed to follow them home.

But this one did.

A man, of course, white and in his mid-forties, avenging a mistake his mother made long ago. The team had split up, attempting to cover as much ground as they could in the abandoned warehouse. That was how they had caught him, the unsub leading them to a rather dilapidated part of the building. The floorboards creaked under his weight, and the team had shuffled in to follow uneasily. Distracted by the seemingly unstable building, they hardly had time to react when a blur of movement halted them in their tracks.

Luke had been the unlucky one to be closest to it. The hammer in the unsub's hands rained upon his head with a sickening crack and he collapsed to the floor with a groan. Already, his head was pounding, eyes fluttering in an attempt to shut them but he forced himself awake. His survival instincts kicked in, ignoring the team handcuffing and escorting the unsub out, only focusing on his breathing.

The team had been worried, extremely so. They practically had to hang up on the technical analyst, the Garcia woman  screaming into the phone as the team forced the former ranger into the ambulance bay and shuttling him off to the hospital.

He had protested the entire way. Sure, his head hurt, but he wanted to go home. Besides, it was a tiny little cut, how bad could it be?

After hours of pacing the waiting room and too many cups of cheap, hospital coffee, the team was informed by a nurse that they could see the man once more. With spirits high and hopes higher, the group made their way into room, surprised to hear a familiar laugh roaring through the space.

Sitting up in a hospital bed, gown disheveled and far too small on his muscular body, Luke wore a large, woozy grin. His hands clutched two slender fingers, his eyes never quite leaving the y/e/c orbs before him.

The room smelled like most hospitals, like sterilization and freshly laundered beds. The walls were covered in a pastel green color, as if reflecting its patient's illness on the walls. The tv played a re-run of FRIENDS, but the volume was almost non-existent, closed captioning dancing across the screen.

Beside the bed sat a small table, a small clipboard of notes lay across it, and a pen scribbled against the paper before the hands were returning to Luke's face. Y/n's hands floated before Luke's eyes, her soft voice telling him to follow her fingers before she was nodding with a smile, scribbling down something else.

With a lopsided grin, the man was speaking again. "How am I doin', Doc? Are you gonna need to amputate?"

From the minute Luke had been wheeled into your examination room, the man hadn't quite stopped looking at you like that. The way he looked at you made you blush, which was rather juvenile and not entirely something you would admit aloud, but true all the same. He looked at you as if you were wearing designer clothing rather than the two day old scrubs you had on. The scrubs you hadn't had time to launder because you had been working for thirty four hours straight, ones that had a stain on the sleeve that you weren't entirely sure what it was from.

Your hair had been thrown into a messy bun, the fast paced environment not giving you time to do anything fancy. And your makeup- well, you weren't wearing any.

But still, he looked at you as if he couldn't quite take his eyes off you. And it wasn't in the creepy, stalker way you had experienced men doing so before. No, because Luke was different. Just the man's demeanor told you so. The way he talked, voice slow and steady (maybe that was just the pain meds), or the way his eyes, two pools of melted chocolate, reassured you that being around him was probably the safest you'd ever be. You didn't need to see his badge on his hip to know that.

At the man's words, you let out a chuckle, clicking your tongue and sliding your pen back into your pocket. "I don't believe we'll be needing any amputations today, but keep landing on the wrong end of a hammer and we might have a different story."

Turning to the large group walking into the room, you smiled warmly. They were a large bunch, the jackets they adorned matching the one Luke had worn before he had been forced to change into a hospital gown. 'FBI' the breast pocket read. Briefly, you wondered what they did, but realized it didn't quite matter. They were here because they needed you to do your job, not to learn about theirs.

Patting Luke on the shoulder to indicate he could sit back, you grabbed your chart, going to stand near the team. They stood adjacent to Luke, and the small room allowed everyone to be in talking distance.

"I'm assuming you're the family? I'm Doctor Y/F/N Y/L/N, head of Neuro." Your easy smile was enough to release the tension from the team. Seeing Luke crumple the way he had made them worry, but the bright smile on your face reassured them.

"When he came in, the wound was looking a bit nasty." They listened intently while you talked and they didn't seem to miss the way Luke's eyes never quite left you as you spoke. "The swelling went down with some cream, and we took a CT to clear him of anything internal. Now, there was a small hemorrhage-" You watched as the team's eyebrows furrowed in concern, and you brought you hands out, a gesture for them to calm. "But his symptoms were small. Once we got the scan we saw that the bleed was tiny. Most bleeds will actually resolve themselves, so no need for me to go in where I'm not needed."

"Doc, you're welcome in my brain any day." Luke smiled cheekily, and your lips quirked, eyes narrowing playfully.

"I'm who you call when you need the big guns, you don't want me in your brain, Agent Alvez." His lips twitched when his last name rolled off your tongue and you would be lying if you hadn't gained the tiniest bit of satisfaction at the reaction.

He clicked his tongue, playfully grabbing his chest. "How you wound me. We went over this, it's Luke." He corrected, and he realized how desperately he needed you to say his name. He needed to say his name whether you were angry or sad or happy or excited. He needed you to say anything at all to him because your voice was something he hadn't even realized he needed until he heard it and now that he had he wasn't sure he would be able to live without it.

His actions made you chuckle, shaking your head at his antics. "Alright, Luke," You conceded, going to hang back up the man's medical chart on the bed. The nurses would take over from here, the former ranger only needing to be discharged after the rest if the pain meds wore off. The ones you had given him weren't too strong anyways, it wouldn't take much longer. "Try not to piss off anymore toolboxes, your head isn't as hard as you think it is."

The man smiled and just the sheer brightness of it made you suck in a breath. "I don't know, the screwdrivers in my shed were giving me a funny look the other day, I may have to teach them a lesson." He quipped smoothly and you rolled your eyes despite the large grin that grew on your features.

When you turned back to the door, the large group of agents seemed to be split between giving knowing smirks to Luke and impish looks to you. A certain blonde adorned in extremely bright colors seemed to want to interject, but the only other blonde clasped her hand onto the woman's shoulder tightly, stopping her from whatever she was going to say.

"I suggest that he doesn't go in the field for at least three days, and I would like to see him in a week for a precautionary scan to check and see if the bleed resolved itself. Other than that, he's good to go.  If you all have anymore questions feel free to ask Nurse Cassidy, she'll be in in just a moment to help you with discharge paperwork and medical prescriptions."

They nodded and, before they could respond, your pager was chirping, signaling the need for your presence elsewhere. Your hand grabbed at the pager clipped onto your waistline, eyes scanning the message before your eyes were flickering back to the agents.

"Duty calls. It was nice meeting you all." You gave a final nod, moving to leave the room, but just as you were about to exit a voice stopped you.

"Hey, Doc!" Luke called out, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You turned, one hand gripping the doorway as your head peeked out from the side. You hummed in response, eyebrows furrowing.

"See you next week!"

Maybe it was childish, or unprofessional, or wildly inappropriate. Perhaps it was the fact that you were sleep deprived, hungry, and running on fumes, or maybe it was just the charming nature of the Alvez man, a gravitational pull toward the comfort he naturally exuded, but you found yourself smiling widely, a pink tint covering your cheeks.

"See you next week." You nodded in confirmation, leaving before you could say anything else.