#cynply dreaming out loud

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Just read the thing about the Italian Olympian who lost his ring and wrote the cutest love letter to his wife and I’m so obsessed. The sheer Shiho vibes this gave me. This is going in the AU August fics somehow I swear

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Current fic I’m dreaming about and refuse to write cause it’s too much work and too angsty. But I reblogged something before and I tagged it as inspo, look I’ll die on the hill that my queen never gets Shinichi and Kaito confused BUT I do have a verse where kaishi are bffs but for complicated reasons she loses him (I’ve not decided his fate tbh, is he just missing? Is he dead? In hiding? Idk yet cause truthfully it’s not the point) then she transfers to Shinichi’s school and she has a hard time looking at him cause he looks similar to her lost bff which leads to him being extra intrigued cause she won’t give him the time of day and so begins his attempts at getting to know her. I won’t write this cause I suck at slowburn and again it’s very sad for him cause the whole time he’s just thinking kaishi is real to her but in actuality she just misses her best friend. The background is also sad but I don’t like thinking about it but that explains why kaishi is so important.

Why am I bringing this up? Because again I’m spiteful. Every time I see a slightly negative thing about my queen my immediate reaction is to make Shinichi suffer more. I was nearly motivated to write another kaishi fic but I have shit to do today cause tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be damned if I waste it by making myself upset.

On a lighter note, today’s song that I woke up in my head with is So High School by Tay 🩵 I would say it could be a cute shinshi song but tbh it fits a crack ship better

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I don’t believe in deleting fics, cause I know how it feels when I go back and look for a specific fic by a beloved author to find that it’s gone. But man some times I think about rewriting and changing my old works, cause I like to think I got a little better at this writing thing. Specifically the memory loss fic, that one haunts me all the time, I had no idea what I was doing it was more let’s just finally finish this so I don’t have to worry about it anymore (and here I am still worrying about it). Look I know it’s over done, but there’s just so many things you could do with losing your memory (and how devastating it was but I’m a fluff lover so we don’t do that here… although… just had a sad idea that will not help my case in not being a Ran hater *sigh I hate the canon ship not her okay) It’s probably why I was so fixated on Lo Lo Love Me, and a counter part that I may never write. Point is, I think about writing/fixing the memory loss fic, but make it Shiho this time, but only because I hate seeing my queen suffer. I always say I hate angst, and I do, but thinking about how alone Shinichi was despite growing up in far better conditions than Shiho to now being alone again cause the only other person who knew all about his time as Conan and experienced it with him forgets it all? You can only repress yourself for so long, losing your partner, losing a part of yourself changes a person.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

5. Marriage Verse

(Re:part two of my list of fic ideas I’ll never get to)

It’s been done before, but never by me so here we go.

You guessed it, post black org and antidote, my queen gains a lot of haters. So to protect her, what better way then getting with the savior of Japan?

• basically to help prove Shiho isn’t evil and was a victim in all of this, the Kudos vouch for her. To the extreme. My ship is getting married y’all!

• now did they really have to go this far? Probably not, but why do they do it? Well because Yukiko is extra as fuck and also, Shinichi is in love with Shiho so this is a win win for him

• he keeps claiming it’s for the greater good and he’s doing this cause he wants to protect her. Which kinda true, but the real reason is because this is how he keeps her forever

• typical of my queen wanting to leave and move on, cause she thinks of the canon ship (who are very broken up in this verse though feelings linger…) and of course Shinichi has abandonment issues so he’s not for her leaving

• besides she’s still low key treated like a criminal so it’s not she can leave anyhow. So operation help Shiho gain a good reputation is a go! So off to the chapel my ship goes!

• similar to how my green card au went, he’s obviously already in it while my queen is in denial. She thinks once this blows over they’ll get divorced and he can be with his ex. Which is not at all where he thinks this is going

• I know it seems like I hate marriage cause of my fics, but I’m of the belief that it should be forever. (That being said I know it doesn’t always work that way, hence why I never really write about it in my fics and why Shiho is a cynic when it comes to marriage) which is how he sees it, so he isn’t just being rash when he suggests getting married

— side note, I do actually have a divergence of this verse in which Shinichi’s plan of them getting married doesn’t happen cause he was in a coma, so instead to save Shiho’s reputation the Kudos adopt her. Which makes things very messy cause now Shinichi can’t just get what he wants and make her his wife. This version is kinda messed up though cause I envision Shiho moving on and loving the fact that the Kudos have been so kind to her and accept her as their own, meanwhile Shinichi is not taking it well. I’m sure no one will know what I’m talking about but there was a Taiwanese drama I watched called Devil Beside You a long time ago and that’s the vibe of this fic. Basically they’re siblings but not biologically and they still end up together. Except Shinichi is way diabolical in this verse cause he’s completely lost it. Also Shigo is a thing and again Shinichi is insane. It’s low key heartbreaking for Shiho and such a toxic relationship, but some days I can’t stop thinking about it

• basically I just wanted an excuse to write a short fic where they can be all cutesy and he can properly woo her. I feel like I had more of this verse planned but the alternate version completely took over and I’ve lost the plot. But I know a lot of it was him being like the That’s my wife! guy. So over how he’s the one everyone is obsessed with, give me a Shinichi who knows how lucky he is to be married to my queen

• there’s definitely drama with the canon ship cause listen, if my boyfriend of like idk a month who I’ve always thought was mutually into me since we were kids all of a sudden breaks up with me over the phone then goes radio silent then shows up with a whole ass fiancée a year later? Best believe someone’s going to catch these hands cause what!??

• also this is probably unpopular but I love how much Sonoko stans Ran and is on her side, these besties are definitely scheming to break shinshi up. At first they’re like it’s not real, he’s not really gonna marry her. But then they do get married and they’re like what!?! So then it’s operation show him what he’s missing and remind him how great Ran is which leads to a shinshi divorce and all is right in the world! (Though Ran low key has mix feelings about this cause if he really did love her why would this even happen? She still trusts him and he always tells her he can explain but this time he doesn’t so she’s doesn’t know what to think)

• meanwhile Shiho sees through their ploy but also doesn’t think the marriage is real so she’s just like okay yeah, go for it, steal my man cause he’s not actually my man. Which is just for my benefit cause I have a thing for him trying extra hard to prove they’re real

• also since this is my verse, they do consummate the marriage on their wedding night. I know it’s a thing that every drama does where they don’t until they’re like actually in love and on the same page, but I actually kinda hate that (even though I low key did that in the green card verse too…) (which is weird cause I’m ace but I’m also just like get it over with already! Plus I think it makes the dynamic more interesting cause people are weird after the relationship becomes sexual too, but maybe it’s just cause I’m a Vegas gal) plus you’ll notice a theme in my belief that Shinichi thinks sex=love while Shiho thinks it’s just fucking

• also would love a recurring thing where Shinichi loudly proclaims to just about anyone that Shiho is his wife, so hands off! Like that’s his woman and he’s gonna protect her damn it!

• idk if they’ll have kids, but it will be discussed (again my bias in thinking he absolutely wants to knock her up cause he low key has a breeding kink) of course Shiho is overruled in this, cause what better way to prove they’re real then by having kids! A win for the Kudos! But Shiho is like um no! That’s way too much! Having kids complicates things! I’m doing this to have freedom, how is having a child going to set me free? That’s another shackle! Besides, even if she leaves her kid behind which she would never, it’ll be harder for Shinichi in the long run as a single father to remarry. Again queen is still waiting for the rouse to be over

• obviously it ends with them living happily ever after cause it’s my fic, and again like the green card au I hate the whole they get divorced then get married again for real thing, it’s such a waste of time imo and so much paperwork. Like I get why it’s a thing, but I still think it’s dumb. So they stay married the whole time and that’s that

• this is the verse that I’ve been dreaming of lately and keep adding details in my head. Like the beginnings of it, when Shinichi is trying to justify a kiss and taking her out on dates and she’s conflicted.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

12. Royal verse

(Re: part two of fic ideas I’ll never get to)

I have to start by saying I have no business dreaming of this verse cause I know nothing about medieval times nor about royal family/court dynamics. That being said, I did have a dream and I continued the verse in my head. It’s been a while so I probably forgot a lot, here goes!

• it’s gonna be set back in the day with like swords and horses (dragons?) and stuff but I’m making it up as I go cause again this is not my realm (I guess like King Arthur/GOT shit except I know nothing about either of those fandoms)

• the Kudo family is in power and with Shinichi being their only heir, he’s obviously the next King. He takes this role very seriously and genuinely wants to be a good ruler

• the Miyanos are from a neighboring kingdom and an alliance would be beneficial to both of them, so an arrangement is set up

• neither of them want to marry each other, they haven’t even met in person, but they also know they don’t have a say so they accept their fate

• first impressions are kinda eh, but it could be worse. Shiho notes some baggage that she could care less about, but she does make friends with Kaito because I believe in kaishi supremacy (a brotp in this verse though sadly. I’ll have to dream of the stable boy steals the queen fic another day)

• they get married and do all the things a proper married future king and queen should do. There is a learning curve to get over during intimate times, but he gets it eventually. Even if they’re not in love, he does care about her pleasure which surprises her a lot

• slowly over the course they fall for each other, him more quickly cause this is my fic. But alas there is a kingdom to rule and a threat has been made on the Miyano’s land by a mutual enemy

• it gains momentum and Shiho cannot sit by and wait, so she asks to go home. She is of course denied since her job is to produce an heir which they have not been able to do despite trying. It’s only been a few months though, but you know how these things are

• she doesn’t listen and stows away anyway, Shinichi finds out and goes off after her even though the court does not approve. He does find her and saves her, but a lot of shit is happening and it’s way too dangerous to stay. She does manage to get in contact with her sister who tells her to leave and she promises to stay safe

• unfortunately the kingdom falls, her parents are killed and Akemi is nowhere to be found. This of course means war. But again as Shinichi isn’t the official king yet, the main concern is still to produce an heir. But knowing how these two have a rebellious streak, they’re sent away to another location until she conceives

• now of course she is not gonna be in the mood when her family has just been slaughtered. Which he also understands and meanwhile he wants to go back home to help defend their land. Their plans escaping leads no where, they’re not allowed to leave

• the tides turn in their favor, with part of her former land reclaimed and thus they’re allowed back on home grounds. But mostly because she is carrying their child now

• which means he can officially take over and be king now, while his parents retire and take over other responsibilities (most likely meaning gaining more land cause that’s all people in power care about). But of course they settle the war first, and they win.

• Shiho waits for news from her sister that never comes (admittedly I haven’t decided if she lived or not… we’re officially at the part of the fic where I’m just making it up as I go right now cause I can’t remember what my actual plan was) Shinichi grows on her and she does allow herself to actually fall in love with him. He’s been so supportive and he’s really good to her

• everything is good. He’s officially king, his queen is also in love with him and they’re about to welcome their first child. But that’s too easy, so of course someone who escaped the terrors of the Miyano’s kingdom collapsing found refuge here in the Kudos land but grew resentment and starts a rebellion to overthrow them

• it doesn’t exactly work, but they do find traitors within the realm. A beautiful baby girl is born and the kingdom is in celebration, Shinichi is thrilled even though the courts are upset and demand they try and have another child immediately because it needs to be a boy

• okay this is the reason why I don’t think I’ll be able to write this fic, cause while dreaming this verse my mind would not allow them to get their happy ending cause things keep going wrong every time they achieve it. Because the one person that started the rebellion is to be executed anyway so he decides to take his revenge which unfortunately means Shinichi ends up having to choose to save his wife or daughter

• he does try to save both, but he fails. And Shiho hates him for it. She thinks she’s cursed, she keeps losing her family. She still doesn’t know if her sister is alive and her daughter is now gone. All she has left is Shinichi, but before they even got together she had her whole family

• she obviously goes into a depressive state. And of course yet another invasion is happening cause news of a rebellion got out, so of course enemies are trying to strike when they think the kingdom is weak. Shinichi is stretched way too thin having to manage an impending war while his queen is plotting her own demise

• he decides to fix one problem at a time and try to do it without bloodshed first. So a pretend everything is going great gala is arranged. Shiho does play her role and fools everyone into thinking everything is fine when she is very much not. She still mourns, but her duty to her people forces her to pull it together for one night

• she’s gone by morning light. Shinichi goes mad trying to find her, only glad that talks of war have quieted down (thanks to his parents negotiating with other kingdoms and them fooling the rest that they’re fine, why else would they throw a party?) He finds her on the outskirts of town, she doesn’t want to see him since she still blames him for the loss of their child (though if we’re honest she’s more upset with herself)

• he apologizes (he did before also) and proclaims his love which she does not accept. He begs her to give them another chance (not that she has a choice cause divorce is not a thing here. She would just have to die or he dies, but she’s thinking the former) she refuses, but he’s the king so he wins so they go back to the island where they were forced to stay at until they conceived

• it’s also where they chose to keep their child’s gravesite. It was too painful for either of them to bear seeing it, so they chose to keep it here. And now all Shiho does is sit by her child’s tombstone

• the court has no heart and demands he produce an heir, but given the Queen’s inability to do so (since in their eyes it took them too long to conceive a child the first time plus it was a girl) so they take matters into their own hands, choosing other maidens who would be more than willing to carry the future heir to the kingdom (and maybe become Queen themselves in the process) This pisses Shinichi off, he makes it clear he will only have children with the woman he loves

• meanwhile this only adds to Shiho’s thinking that being born as a woman is a curse and this is her punishment for thinking she could be happy. Perhaps it’s a good thing her daughter will never get the chance to go through the same process as she is right now

• Shinichi refuses to be seduced and instead finally decides to sit with Shiho who wakes each morning to mourn their child. He normally waits until she finally sleeps at night to talk to their daughter himself, he didn’t want to trigger her more but evidently it’s not working. But also because he hates to admit that he failed

• he mans up and holds her, confessing his own guilt and how he wished it was him instead. He failed at being a father before he really got the chance, how can he be a good ruler is he can’t even protect his own family. Shiho stops blaming him, now that she knows he’s just as torn up about this as she is

• they actually try and have another child. They did try before during their grieving but it was more going through the motions and made them both feel worse. Eventually they managed to conceive again, but it takes a long while

• maybe they’re not meant to be parents together, she doesn’t understand why it’s not working. There must be something wrong with her. The kingdom needs an heir, so she gives her permission for him to have a child with someone else. He refuses, doubling down that he will only have a child with her

• they fall more in love with each other in the process and to help alleviate the stress of making babies. She starts getting into running a country. She was trained to do so for her own land, but now that she belongs to her husband she’s told to stay out of it. Shinichi values her opinion, especially knowing how smart she is, she was the key to several victories they held during the war and she was able to keep the people of the kingdom happy while he was away at the line of duty

• as assassination attempt is made on her life since women have no place in power and she isn’t even pregnant. Shinichi saves her, but she decides she hates being a damsel so she starts to take self defense lessons. At first he didn’t like it, thinking of himself as a failure that she has to learn to fight for herself. But she convinces him, if she had been able to hold her own in a fight then maybe they would still have to see daughter

• he allows her lessons to continue, but he insists on being her sparring partner (this is just because I want my golden otp represented, cause this is such a thing for my true otp) anyways they probably end up conceiving during one of these sessions

• it’s a boy this time! And everything is finally going great again. Except there is a jealous person who was promised by the court power and now that’s all gone. So another assassination attempt is made, but this time on Shinichi’s life

• Shinichi doesn’t hesitate to protect both Shiho and their baby, not realizing he is the target this time. Luckily the swordsman missed the mark and was apprehended but Shinichi is pretty badly hurt. Shiho has nightmares about this and spends the whole time by his side with their child, nursing him back to health

• because this is just gonna keep going if I don’t end it, and I really cannot deal with angst or mcd. We are going to say they lived happily ever after and nothing bad ever happens again (even though it probably does)

[letstrywritingmaybe]

3. Sports AU- Hockey edition

(Re part two of my list of fics ideas I’ll never get to)

As a massive Penguins fan, the influence they hold over this fic is so typical. It pains me because I love one man and he is the captain of my team, while I loathe Shinichi some days. But for the purposes of this fic I have to pretend he’s close to being as amazing as my man.

Have I lost you yet? Probably, let me try and bring it back cause this is an enemies to lovers fic, but also forbidden romance (I assume typical in hockey rpfs? Idk I’m not in that fandom). Because you see in this verse, he’s a hockey player and Shiho, my queen, is a referee (we’ll get to her background later and how she ends up here)

• Shinichi’s been in the league for a while and he’s the captain of the team, also the face of the franchise and is a really good player/teammate. Center man because of my own biases, and of course line mates would have to be Heiji and Kaito (the core/trio for like ever. This is my fic so they’re gonna be wingers, but can also play center I suppose. Point is forwards cause I don’t wanna completely copy my team plus I think they would be better as forwards well maybe Kaito… okay stop)

• being a star player and too good at his job, penalties are not always called… which may also be because refs are the worst (not my queen though but I’m biased)

• my girl has it rough cause listen major sports are still predominantly run by men, so of course every call she makes will be criticized (even if she’s right, and god forbid she misses something. It’s her fault and not her colleagues cause men suck)

• Shinichi doesn’t care that she’s a girl, but they get into it a few times when he thinks she hasn’t been calling things in favor of his team (he’s biased, she didn’t call them cause she saw what was going on and isn’t going to play into favoritism as he’s the golden child. Technically being that good just means he won’t get calls cause the league sucks anyway but still)

• anyways they start off on the wrong foot. After the game Shinichi realizes he may have been too harsh and tries to apologize, which Shiho does accept but it happens again cause there are games at stake here people!

• she isn’t assigned to all of his games of course, so they do get time to admire each other at their job when they have time off. Cause no way he isn’t watching hockey just cause he isn’t playing, and as for Shiho she used to play (we’ll get back to this later)

• during one of the games she refs with him playing, a goon on the other team is an asshole and Shinichi stands up for her. A fight occurs which leads to penalties on both sides, but she does thank him after for trying to diffuse the situation. Unfortunately some guys are assholes and shouldn’t be allowed to play in the league!!

• they slowly become more friendly with each other, and end up kinda cool with each other as time goes on. (This is meant to sorta be a slow burn, but we all know I suck at that which is why I say sorta)

• one night his team plays at home and she’s on a break after being on the job for so long. The last game she refs is that game he was in. She decides to chill and go to the bar where the boys all end up celebrating at. She doesn’t go up to them, choosing to unwind by herself while they’re all being fawned over and getting drunk. Cause they clinched play offs! Yay! He spots her anyway and offers to buy her a drink (he’s not drunk but he has been drinking), she turns him down cause it could cause trouble later on if people find out. He tells her it’s not that big of a deal, besides everyone is drunk and no one is paying attention. She still says no.

• he leaves her be, but two seconds later the bartender gives her a drink courtesy of an anonymous stranger. She naturally guesses it to be Shinichi, who winks at her but stays away for now. She decides to accept it since he’s staying away.

• he of course comes by and teases her about it, to which she rolls her eyes but she finds that he’s not terrible company.

• if it’s not obvious where this is going, then this bullet point says it all. They leave together for a drunken one night stand, in which she totally panics cause this is definitely not okay. Meanwhile he’s also like yeah this is bad but also… they can totally be professional about this.

• they are professionals about it. They don’t let what happened affect their jobs. Just one slight problem, they also can’t quite quit fooling around with each other. (Because guess what? He scores a hat trick after spending the night with her and hello superstition! So of course he’s like we gotta do it again and she’s like are you insane???)

• but they do and while he doesn’t score a hat trick again, he does still score a goal. Leading him to believe this should continue while she’s like absolutely not. It continues cause of course it does. Even though they get eliminated before making it to the cup, which gives her grounds to be like okay we can stop.

• doesn’t happen. They actually get closer during off season where they can just be them without worrying about the hockey world. Basically they fall in love for real.

• this lasts at least two seasons, hockey seasons meaning at least two years (could be longer but idk yet) Which means it’s no longer just hooking up cause they’ve both caught feelings. They even stayed together during off season in a different country where they could actually be a normal couple.

• it isn’t long until they’re basically in a secret relationship. Which is messy enough already, but wait! There’s more! To keep up with his image, Shinichi unofficially has a girlfriend. Unofficial because he’s very much not attached to anyone, but he does have a childhood best friend who thinks otherwise. Which is totally his fault for basically leading her on, cause he never flat out told her he’s not interested. Instead because he’s a softie, he tells her he’s not going to commit to anything because hockey is his life and that’s all he cares about. So she decides to wait for him, thinking when he retires then they can be together.

• now at this point Heiji and Kaito both definitely know something’s going on, but like the good bros they are, they don’t say shit. In fact they help cover it up, cause yeah their captain sleeping with a ref is not a good look when they’re trying to win another championship.

• shinshi become serious, because of course they’re in love (it’s my fic hello). He’s ready to lock it down, but he can’t cause of their jobs. Meanwhile Shiho still feels guilty and keeps thinking they should end it, but can’t get herself to actually end it.

• she basically lives at his place, her stuff is here and she spends most nights here. Ran (I swear I don’t hate her, but she fits the role better okay) notes how distant Shinichi has been, but thinking it’s normal especially during playoffs, just lets him be. But she gets a bad feeling and decides to check up on him, where she finds out about shinshi. She feels betrayed and heartbroken (as she should).

• Shinichi is surprised to see her at his home, an argument ensues. She threatens to expose his relationship unless… he chooses her instead then she will forgive him and pretend everything is fine. (To mirror my Pens, he’s nearing the end of his career and of course he would want to go out with a bang. Another cup with the boys!)

• basically choose hockey or Shiho. It’s a no brainer because I’m writing this fic, he chooses my queen. Which is so shitty for Ran, she leaves. Shiho was asleep already, but woke up when she heard their argument and she hears the ultimatum. She’s stunned when he chooses her, she decides she can’t let him ruin his career for her.

• she goes back to bed and pretends to be sleeping when he comes back in, he calls her out on faking and they have a talk. She tells him she’s not worth it, he says otherwise. Cue confession finally, and crying cause she’s happy they’re in love and it’s not just one sided on her part, but also she knows how much hockey means to him. This would ruin him. Just like how it ruined her.

• finally we get to my queen’s back story! She was a really good hockey player herself! Part of the Olympic team and won gold in the finals! For the next Olympics she was set to also compete, but a jealous team mate made up false accusations and tarnished her reputation. She was shunned by the community, until recently when it came out that she was the victim and never harmed anyone. Which is how she managed to kinda get back into the game and become a ref. Since it had been a while, no one really brought up her past or at least talked about it in depth especially since she was wronged.

• point is, she knows what it’s like to have her career ripped away from her when she wasn’t ready to let it go, so she can’t let the same thing happen to him. She leaves him and quits her job. During playoffs knowing he cannot follow her if the cup and his team are on the line. But she also secretly hopes he goes to her since the place she runs off to, is where they vacationed during the off season when their relationship first began. A small town where people knew who he was, but they let him be and they were away from cameras and stuff so they could be a normal couple.

• now this is not a norm for my fics, but I think realistically this could happen so why not. Guess what? To make things even more dramatic, she’s pregnant. When she finds out, she immediately wants to take everything back. She wants to be with him, but she pushed him away and there’s no way she can drop all this on him during the final series!

• back to the boys, Heiji and Kaito finally confront Shinichi and let him know that they knew all along. To which he’s like how?? And they’re like it was obvious plus we’re besties and also you guys suck at being secretive! You couldn’t wait to go home one time, and really? In the locker room??? But they support him cause they’ve never seen him this happy. Yes hockey is all of their lives, but they have the chance to start a family and share it with them while Shinichi has been all hockey focused. He’s finally met someone who he’s willing to break his rule of nothing serious until the end of his career.

• Shinichi apologizes cause he knows he should be focused on only the game right now, but he can’t stop thinking about her. Being on the ice is fine, but as soon as he’s away he’s thinking about her and how she left him. Then there’s also the drama with Ran

• speaking of, because she’s always known he doesn’t love her, she decides to keep his relationship with Shiho a secret. She won’t tell anyone. Which solves one problem.

• now back to quintessential lots of love things, which means there are only happily ever afters in my book (and clichés) So of course they rally and the team wins another cup! With the help of Heiji and Kaito, Shinichi is able to sneak away and get on the next flight to where he hopes/knows Shiho is.

• he was right, he finds her just as she was missing him and wondering if she should even tell him the news of her pregnancy. She’s stunned to see him, but so happy. They obviously get back together and everything turns out well. No one finds out about the inappropriateness of their relationship, since everyone in the league thinks it happened after Shiho quit.

• an epilogue of sorts. Shinshi is married and their baby boy is healthy. Shinichi is at home watching over their son, because Shiho is back on the ice again. It’s been a long time coming, but she’s finally able to make a comeback. If their son doesn’t end up playing hockey too it would be a shame given how it’s in both his parents’ blood.

The end. That’s my basic outline of this fic that I dreamed up immediately after realizing I could totally write this verse. I have the American football and baseball one sorta planned out too. But with it being hockey season, and this was the one I had a complete vision of, I decided to bullet point it out here first. Which hopefully means I won’t actually have to write the fic now that I’ve just rambled about it here.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

So you know how I say I love one man and it’s because of sports? Well, what if Shiho started saying this about Higo and at first Shinichi doesn’t really think much about it, until they start dating and he’s like okay now I care that you’re saying this. How can you say you love one man and it’s not even me!

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I naturally default to everyone loving my queen and being gone for her. But for dark academia, I feel like it should be more of a rivals to lovers vibe? So I’m like does he call her Shiho or are we still on last name basis? This is not a shinshi fic for the record. He loses in this universe. This is me attempting to write a Shiho/Hakuba fic. I’ve been wanting to write one for ever, but I never did cause of bs. I feel like in fics, he normally is friendly with her and they’re friends already, which I love! But again I feel like they should be rivals cause of the setting! I’m torn, idk man. I’m gonna sit on this for a bit. Maybe both can be true? Hm… but that doesn’t help me solve whether or not he calls her by her name or not. What is the back story here???

Update: I found a way to move forward. Now onto the next prompt. I’m still on the fence about this next pairing. Cause I don’t ship it since I have a sister and i love her to pieces. And sister code needs to be followed! It’s like girl code but even more important! So idk if this will be more platonic cause I do see it more as that, but I know people ship it romantically too. It just doesn’t fly with me cause I think it’s wrong to steal your sister’s man. I’ll see where the muse takes me

^ okay but now I don’t wanna write it. My muse is telling me to write the extra scene for the fake dating verse. But I’m gonna read my library book first. So we’ll see

[letstrywritingmaybe]

List of CoAi ideas (I really need to find titles for these too) that I may or may not ever get to depending on whether or not I get out of this slump:

1. I want all the AUs so of course I want a tinder fic. Like how fun would this be! I’ve actually put a lot of thought into this but the muse isn’t biting *sigh

2. Listen I’ve been screaming about a FBI verse fic foreverrrrr yall my otp would be unstoppable and the best partners!!! Hello? This I’m still iffy about, but undercover work is a must. Idk if they should both be part of the FBI or (I’m leaning towards the second idea) it’s just Shiho being a bamf (what a queen) but then it’s more like a bodyguard verse, which I’m not mad about either

3. Loves, we need more fake dating fics, I’m obsessed with this trope! Especially with the context of CoAi! So obvi no antidote route (my personal bias) what better way to keep them from squicking over love interests who are ten years younger than by being in a fake relationship! Like sorry child who is way too young for me cause I’m actually in my twenties and you’re like 12, but I have a girlfriend/boyfriend already! It’s perfect! Except this is a fanfic about my otps falling in love so it becomes real. Oops

4. Second chances, there was a tumblr post I reblogged and it just gave me feels. Imagine this tragic otp getting together and then it doesn’t work (I know. I cry.) BUT they try again, cause listen they’re endgame to me and if they’re not I will die. I swear. While I do love the whole distance makes the heart grow found and she leaves him in search of herself… in this verse I prefer the idea that they’re physically together but emotionally distant, which is wild for them. Like what??? It’s the whole is this a comfort ship or the real deal type of thing

5. Choices, I don’t exactly have a solid idea for this one, it’s just vibes. It’s soft and majorly inspire by my black and white otp. My queen’s life is so tragic, like she never got to make her own decisions and be selfish you know? So let’s give her the chance to make her own choices and live a little

6. *sigh the duet fic that I’m like halfway done with. No it’s not a CoAi duet fic cause he could never, but it is a CoAi fic. Plays with the idea of fate vs. logic. Which is just such a thing for me with this otp

7. Omm another tumblr post, so a deal with the devil except it’s an Angel instead. So typical of me. Though the more I think about this one, the less I’m fond of it

8. Another deep sigh… the sleeping fic… everyday I wonder if this should stay grey or change to gold. The sheer golden otp vibes this one gives. *sigh

9. The lying verse! Or rather just a powers one that I briefly mentioned during CoAi week. Ai can lie flawlessly and have everyone believe her, but Conan is her foil, he detects truths. There’s so much to plan for this one though… hm…

10. How did I forget part two of the I Only Lie When I Love You verse? Aka I Wish I Cared Less (because Royal Blood owns me and highly influenced this verse). What’s annoying is I pretty much have everything outlined, I just don’t wanna write it. Have I mentioned I hate writing? It’s so much more fun to be a fangirl who gets to read fics! (But this is the one verse I’m committing myself to finish before I decide what to do with this fandom)

11. We will gloss over my two attempts at writing smut. I’ll post it one day okay. But idk when.

12. Because I’m a dork I just want to write a fic titled Case Closed. It fits with my weird obsession over titles that start with the same letters. I have a vague idea and always intended on making this my first multichaptered fic but my muse had other plans

13. Not really an idea but I liked the idea of a numerology series. Like give me a number and I’ll make it CoAi. Imagine all the possibilities!

14. The idea that’s low key been consuming me… a lovers to enemies to lovers fic. Established relationship then some shit happens and my queen suffers so now she’s convinced everyone is out to get her. Specifically him. Soy sad. Imagine the love of your life trying to kill you every chance they got? I can’t man.

15. What I would like to be the last fic I ever post for this otp, with my favorite type of ending. The transition from confessing to taking it back, except can you take it back? I like you… I don’t like you.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Hi, I’m Cyn and sometimes I write 🥰 Always posted on ao3, I made the decision to restrict it to registered users only 🫶 I am a self indulgent writer and I write purely for myself (few exceptions are made, but even so I enjoy the fics I write for others). I share my fics on the off chance someone else might like them too, but I really don’t feel the need to defend my choices especially if I don’t know you. If we’ve established a connection, then I’m all for chatting and explaining my thinking. I highly encourage writing your own fic and making it how you want. It’s more rewarding that way, and you get to say you created something! 🩵

While I’m here, I’m very easily set off by the canon ship and my notp so if I see it I will get upset, it’s not that serious, just leave me be. I’ll get over it, cause being rude and leaving mean comments on those posts are not okay, especially when there are people who like those ships and make things for them.

Also I’m a fangirl first and foremost so I thrive off leaving love letters and reblogging things (primarily on my main account), that being said I’m also super picky. I only comment on things I enjoyed, and I don’t like angst/mcd so don’t expect to see my username on those fics. I try to read everything, but it doesn’t always work out.

I guess I have to add the super obvious, there are no bad endings in my fics (unless I specify in the beginning and I will tag it cause I know how it feels since I hate reading that shit myself. I literally write the same story every time) if you’ve read one you’re read them all imo. We just take slightly different routes to get to the same conclusion: my ships are meant to be in every single universe and that’s final! I preach commenting because I think it’s the absolute least we can do when an author has done so much by giving us these amazing fics to read, but I’m not someone who needs/wants praise so please don’t comment if you’re gonna be annoying. Either read it and move on or just exit the fic, it’s really not that difficult.

Okay I give up, I’m just gonna list all my fics and tag them on this post instead. Again this is for my own personal benefit. If anyone cares to read them, they’re all posted on ao3 for registered users.

CoAi/ShinShi {grey otp}

Confession Chronicles

Redamancy Series- Promised Protection • New Year’s Day • The Eyes On You • Touch and Stay • Umbrella • Shark Attack

My Life Turns Your Life Into Folklore Forevermore Series- Folklore Twist • Forever & Evermore • Don’t Blame Me • You Belong With Me? • How Many Minutes To Midnight? (Ongoing) • Guilty As Sin?

Reciprocating Relationship

I Know You

Christmas Fics: Always Choose The Heart • Forget The Fallout, Let’s Be Alone Together • And We Keep Falling • Nothing’s Changed • Angel • Midwinter

Revised Recollection

Be Mine?

A Kiss For The Obvious

First Kiss

13

Love, Learned

I Can Make Your Heart Race

Such A Tease Series- Play Pretend • Picturesque • DreamOf Me • Devour • Blame it on the Drugs

Irreversible (a kaishi endgame verse but this part is all shinshi, see Run To Change The Endgame)

There’s Nothing Triangle About It

What Do You Want?

Lo Lo Love Me (+) Lo Lo Lost

CoAi Week Things: Superposition • Versus • Critical • It’s You and Me, That’s My Whole World

I Hate Accidents, Except When We Went From Friends To This (flufftober 2022)

Kiss Of Life

Public Transportation

Triple Threat

And Another Thing! (Extras/What If scenes from established versus)

Every Dog Has His Day

In(de)finite (yearoftheotp 2023)

Honey I’m A Sucker When You Linger Series- I Only Lie When I Love You • I Wish I Cared Less

Love Me Like You Do

When I Look At You…

Consent and Kisses

Off Limits

Mistake

I Want More

Might As Well Be Drunk In Love

Nobody’s Perfect

Collabs with Vordark, my beloved <3

It’s What You and I Do

1+1=2, x2? (Ongoing)

WIPs I desperately need to finish…

Point Of View Series- It’s Not Just Acting (1. Yukiko)

Real Or Not Real Series- False Memories

Love Me, But Don’t Fall For Me (fake dating, CoAi edition- ongoing)

Catch My Lies (powers verse- ongoing)

[A Marriage Proposal, Or Two- one is kaishi, two is shinshi]

🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

<KaiShi> {steal my heart ship}

Run To Change The Endgame (ongoing)

All Your Love

Hug Prescription

He’s Funny

It’s Like My Birthday, Except…

A Day Out With The Kids

It Starts With A Kiss

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

(Other Shiho Ships)

Fleeting Feelings (technically an all Shiho ship fic)

Love, It Was Enough To Recognize (AU-gust 2024)

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Duncney {red otp}

Another Universe (based off Marcy’s Just One Universe)

Shituationship (duncney week 2023 day 7 Aka canon duncney day!)

I Really Wish I Hated You (duncney week 2024 day 7)

Pumpkin Spice

💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Romanogers {golden otp}

Romanogers Week: What If?

Leave Me, Just Don’t Forget To Kiss Me

Life Never Tasted So Sweet (flufftober 2022)

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

RobStar {orange otp}

His Starfire, Her Robin (yearoftheotp 2023)

[letstrywritingmaybe]

3. Faking Dating

(Referring to my list of ideas that idk if I’ll ever get to)

Okay so I’ve been putting more thought into this, but I have one major problem with the way I envisioned it. My original idea is to have an oc of sorts, here’s the problem I’m not creative and I suck at that. The solution would be to find a canon character to replace it but I don’t really know who given the circumstances of this being a CoAi no antidote verse? (I mean I could switch to ShinShi but that changes the whole dynamic and I don’t want it) So let’s just think out loud about this:

• Who would I be if this wasn’t a high school fic? Flash forward ten years and cue the childhood friends to lovers trope I’ll support!

• Given how popular they are (cause who wouldn’t swoon over them?), and them being totally against the idea of entertaining romantic feelings with children who are ten years younger!! They mutually decide to be in a fake relationship. I originally thought maybe starting in middle school? But most likely the first year of high school.

• It works well cause listen they’re basically together, have you seen the way the two of them are??? Literally lost in their own worlds with each other. My otp is in love your honor. Problem is, both do not realize it’s real *sigh. This goes on for most of high school…

• It’s their last year now and after years of pretending, especially when the feelings are very real… one gets wary of fake dating their crush. How do you expect me to get over you when I have to pretend to love you but I actually do love you? You don’t.

• Because I prefer Conan to be the one suffering… Ai is the one to break it off. Because she doesn’t want to live a lie and they’re going to graduate anyways. Everyone is mostly off their backs and believes they’re meant to be, so no need to pretend. Plus the older they get, the more meaningless age difference will be.

• For obvious reasons to us, this doesn’t sit well with him. He cannot for the life of him fully figure out why cause he’s an idiot in denial (someone slap some sense into him before it’s too late).

• It’s too late. Cue the introduction of another character! One that will strictly be a brotp for Ai, cause my Queen needs more love okay. Except Conan doesn’t know that <3

• Because I’m self indulgent and unfortunately very american, my idea was that he would be a foreign transfer student who would immediately be partnered up with Ai since her English would be the best. So she gets to help him settle into school life. They hit it off instantly.

• Our foreign exchange student knows that there’s something going on with the otp. It’s so obvious plus it’s high school, rumors spread like crazy. Especially over these two. He puts the pieces together and figures out that she actually likes him likes him. She denies this of course, but it’s obvious.

• Conan basically low key (high key) hates this new guy. For no good reason either, cause he’s super chill and treats Ai nicely. Maybe a bit too friendly… foreigners *rolls eyes. Wait a minute… is he figuring it out? Omm, he did. Now what?

• The best course of action is to run towards her and confess cause impulsive tendencies are so hard to fight against especially since it’s taken him ten freaking years to see the light. There’s one problem, she’s unconvinced. He of course tries to talk sense into her but she chooses to run away instead. Not literally, she fibbs which leads me to…

• Fake dating! Except this time, you guessed it! Ai lies and says that she and this new student are a thing now. Which of course completely ruins Conan:

Like what??? How did you just move on so quickly???

Um, it wasn’t real, so why are you mad?

What was the point of you were just going to date someone way younger than you anyways???

How was I supposed to know I would end up liking him? Besides this is different. He’s different. *cue heartbreak cause again I live to make him suffer

• Clearly she didn’t talk this through with the newbie and Conan thinks she’s lying, so what better way to test it then go confront his potential love rival! But of course since this is such a solid brotp, he confirms her story. Yeah they’re totally together now… pulls her aside, um were you going to tell me that we’re dating now???

• Naturally he tries also to talk sense into her, what are you afraid of? He likes you too! Go be with him! Why are you in another fake relationship??? Go make the first one real, it was real to begin with! Our poor girl doesn’t listen of course.

????????????????

And this is kinda where I’ve stopped thinking about this verse. If you know me, clearly it’s going to end happy. I think I want it to go a certain way, but I’m fighting myself on it. I’m a terrible influence and my recent fics are haunting me so… it could turn risqué and I just don’t know if I want to write that right now? I’m missing my fluffy roots but mostly I just miss reading fics *the deepest of sighs*

As for a title? Idk yet but I’m rather fond of this: Love Me, But Don’t Fall For Me

Isn’t it a little late for that?

The alternative is a song lyric, and I’m tempted to pick a line from gold rush cause that’s so them. I cry.

Highly influenced by the romanogers fic I’m going to post maybe today?

[letstrywritingmaybe]

12. Case Closed

(Re my idea of fics I will never get to)

Okay so this was always meant to be my first multichaptered fic, but clearly the muse had other plans and I also haven’t really planned this one out fully. It’s literally just the title and a vague idea. Basically it’s an AU and somehow Shiho keeps ending up at every crime scene Shinichi is at, like it’s super ridiculous how it keeps happening. So let’s just try to plot it now:

• Shinichi is pretty established as a high school detective just as in canon, meanwhile Shiho is still stuck in the Black Organization (except since this is my verse they probably aren’t as scary cause I’m not intimidating at all, but they still suck)

• The first case she stumbles on made her suspicious to him, but her quickly rules her out and correctly deduces who the actual culprit is. Neither of them think much of it and move on with their lives

• but then it happens again. She somehow winds up at yet another crime scene and is again suspicious, which of course gets him interested. But once again she had nothing to do with it so he rules her out and the case is solved. And guess what since the number three is my bias, it happens again. Shocker right?

• at this point they’re both intrigued cause what are the odds that they both keep winding up in places and people start dying? (Oh! I just had an idea we’ll get to it!)

• because I really don’t write enough verses where Akemi is alive, she is here! But she’s gone missing, but she still sends messages to Shiho every now and then. But she knows something is wrong. She has no one to turn to except… she does keep bumping into a detective who seems to be competent

• of course to keep the streak they keep meeting at crime scenes where she tries to ask him for help but since they’re always in the middle of a case it’s kinda hard and she’s also not sure she can trust him 100% yet. He does sense she needs help but again she keeps certain information to herself which makes it difficult

• Akemi is silent for like a whole week? Maybe more and it freaks Shiho out so she has no choice but to reach out to Shinichi (by now they’re kinda friends. It’s complicated okay) and he immediately offers his assistance but again they keep getting roped into other cases

• circling back to where I said I had an idea. Okay major spoiler alert if I do end up going this route but… let’s say that Shiho was working to create a drug that’s supposed to help people but it goes wrong and becomes the aptx instead except instead of shrinking it just kills people. She of course discards the failed prototype knowing how dangerous it is, but someone finds out and starts using it as a hit man service of sorts (Loves it’s so easy to decide who would do this but let’s pretend we don’t know since the otp hasn’t figured it out yet)

• the next few cases revolve around this where the COD is really weird… like yes there are stab wounds/ gsw/ other things but something’s off like they shouldn’t have been fatal? But the prime suspects confess to the crimes and using the weapon so there’s nothing they can really do…

• Akemi finally messages Shiho but is very cryptic and tells her to be careful and not to worry. Of course this makes her super worried so Shinichi goes with her to try and find her sister

• Loves I am doing everything I can to ignore canon in this fic so of course Shuichi makes an appearance and is definitely with Akemi keeping her safe. But I also probably won’t focus on that cause clearly my otp still owns me *the deepest of sighs

• big reveal time, guess what the Black Organization is evil and there are moles including the FBI who are trying to bring it down! Which is great except… Shiho learns she’s kinda involved since she made the drug which of course sends her into a spiral. Like wow, so I’ve just been evil this whole time? Great.

• everyone of course tells her she’s not at fault and she eventually realizes she has to get her shit together if she wants to help end this. Listen as much as I love soft otp moments, I also really love everyone supporting my queen

• the final showdown! Which I’m totally gonna gloss over here cause it’s definitely the part I’m the worst at writing. Basically shit happens with some close calls but nothing terrible goes wrong (are we surprised? I’m creating this verse. And I’ve had my fill of angst with some other ideas so we’re not dealing with it here)

• cue cliché ending with a cliché last line of Case Closed cause I am a dork. But basically everyone is alive and fine and my otp gets together okay. Something along the lines of him asking her to stay with him forever to help with cases of course… which she gets annoyed at but well… it’s kinda hard to say no when she wants to say yes

[letstrywritingmaybe]

@muslimintp-1999-girl Re: your replies on my last fic idea post. I have to be honest and say I have never considered Shiho being a even low key fan of his. And it is absolutely because I put her on a pedestal and believe she should be the one that’s fawned over. That being said, I do hope you’ll be able to write that fic one day! I’ve been thinking about it and not to completely hijack your idea, but I think that if I were to do this verse than I would probably make this an AU. I lean towards them staying as ShinShi, but we could make it CoAi still with them both being shrunken and she gets to interact with this guy that she admires but is also low key jealous of. The canon ship will definitely be ignored cause this is an AU and I really don’t want to deal with that drama. Now here’s the biggest thing for me if I go with your verse that she is his fangirl… then he 1000000% needs to be her biggest supporter. Basically he falls for her first and is just amazed by how smart she is (cause intelligence is extremely sexy), and he’ll tell her straight up that she’s brilliant. Which she has no idea how to deal with cause wow someone is noticing her efforts and it’s someone that she kinda looks up to? But then since she’s jaded it’s like can I trust that you’re being honest or is this a ruse to keep me under your control (he’s in no way her superior here, but just in the sense of her being used to being a pawn from the Black Org) Yeah, I can only write romances guys, sorry not sorry, cue them being the best brotp and hyping each other up except he is super into her and does not know what to do. I’ve said it a million times before and I’ll say it again, my favorite Shinichi is the one that’s completely gone for my queen (as it should be!) He’s low key frustrated though cause she (insert my own self projection here as someone who does not want to be seen as a crazy fangirl by her fav celebrities) is really good at keeping things separate. As in yes she’s a fan of his, so that’s all she’s going to be until they kinda become friends so now they’re just friends but it doesn’t stop her from admiring him. But that’s as far as it gets, which kinda sucks for him cause of the whole power dynamic you know? Like yes he likes her but he can’t force her to like him but he’s pretty sure she does but like in what way? Does she like him like him or is it like the idea of him? But then that’s dumb cause she literally knows him better than anyone and she’s still here. But what if she’s just here cause of that evil organization and he promised to help?

[letstrywritingmaybe]

8. The Sleeping Fic

(Re my list of ideas I will probably never get to)

Okay so this one is an actual wip, my only thing is since I borrowed so much from my golden otp sometimes I think it should be for them instead… but I’ve thought a lot about this for CoAi already so… we actually kinda have a title and a summary and I mentioned it in my CoAi week entry (day 3: comfort)

Stumbling Into Slumber:

Shiho’s always had trouble sleeping; she envies those that could get a peaceful rest, free of nightmares and overthinking. Shinichi used to be one of those people, but ever since his first encounter with the Black Organization, he’s been having trouble shutting off his brain. So began their sleeping arrangement, turns out it’s easier to fall asleep next to someone who shares the same secrets.

• set in canon verse post Black Organization take down (cause let’s be real I could never write that and do it justice) begins as CoAi but it turns to shinshi once the antidote is complete

• they should have nothing to worry about now that they’re free and she’s almost done with the permanent antidote, but they still can’t sleep. At first Shiho thought it was just her own problem, until he admits he hasn’t been sleeping either

• she feels awful of course, he’s supposed to go back to his normal life and be unscathed. He is for the most part, but not sleeping is her thing. He doesn’t make it a big deal, cause he doesn’t want her to take the blame

• they’re both dead tired from not sleeping and pretending to be children, so he suggests they take a nap since she literally about to fall over. So they do. It’s the first time neither of them are force awake by a nightmare

• they shrug it off as a fluke, but then it happens again, and one more time cause I like the number three. I mean three times in a row is kinda wild…

• no matter, they’re back to their original bodies now and really sleeping together (even if it’s just sleeping) in that state is kinda a big no no. Especially if he has a girlfriend (*sigh I have to yet again break up the canon ship. I swear his confession ruined so many things)

• guess what, they end up sleeping together again. Big shocker I know. They’re both of course totally like Omm, we can’t keep doing this cause it’s weird… so they mutually decide not to ever talk about it

• it doesn’t last because clearly neither of them can go through a night without waking up from a panic attack. So… why not give in and see if it is a fluke? Clearly he’s the one who suggests this cause there’s no way in hell she would ever say this considering her feelings. *sigh why is he so clueless

• here’s the thing, it is a fluke. Cause as much as I love the whole I sleep better with you next to me thing cause I feel comfort and safe… it’s not realistic to have it be a magical cure BUT here’s why this is still going to continue: he wakes from a nightmare and instead of being super freaked, he feels better cause she’s there to calm him and she knows what to do cause she has the same problems. She doesn’t force him to talk or anything, just let’s him be and let him know he’s okay and she’s here for him. Offering comfort and making him feel safe even if he has a bad dream

• of course this just means she’s going to push him away now cause clearly he still has nightmares even if he sleeps next to her. But darn him and his thinking that he still feels better with her so of course they try again and nothing bad happens

• this is probably the part where I should break up the canon ship for real if I haven’t already? Anyways she feels bad cause she thinks he’s probably heartbroken and he kinda is but none of that matters when she’s the one having the nightmare this time. He’s never seen her go through one quite this bad, and she’s like violent like almost hurts him but he’s lucky I guess

• he manages to calm her down but after the fact she’s like nope, we are not doing this again cause I could have hurt you really really badly. He’s stubborn of course but let’s her be for the time being

• it happens randomly, probably cause they have to stay up for a case cause you know. And she has another bad one and she does hit him, but he helps her through it. She’s appalled cause look this is what she was afraid of, but he plays it off. So what? She’s hurting more than he is, he can take this. She thinks he’s gone mad (which probably but he’s in love your honor. Has he realize this? Nope. Ugh)

• here is where I admit I don’t have the rest of this planned out (since like four bullet points ago?) so we’re just winging this as I’ve been doing with all the other ideas. She avoids him cause she can’t even look at him knowing she hurt him, I mean not seriously but she kinda was thinking she would never do anything to cause him pain anymore but here she is smacking him in her sleep. Great.

• since no one can function on zero sleep, she eventually has to crash and waking up by herself after being used to having him nearby is awful. It takes a long time for her to calm down and she’s even more tired now

• he of course is keeping a close eye on her despite her protests she’s perfectly functional. He knows she’s lying cause he feels like shit too and she definitely feels worse cause she’s made herself feel guilty. So she crashes again but this time he’s there and he takes advantage so they nap. And nothing happens. She wakes up first and is annoyed to see him but then also relieved cause it’s been so long since she felt rested and damn him for looking so cute even while sleeping. She’s never getting over him and it sucks. He of course wakes up now and catches her staring, she tries to brush it off but he’s over the moon happy

• at this rate it’s inevitable the arrangement starts again so let’s just try this again but not say anything cause the minute he points it out she’s done. It’s a lot of ups and downs cause you know trauma doesn’t just go away over night when you’re in bed with the one you love (though I want to, my fluff side won’t intervene cause this isn’t that kind of fic, but it’s still me so there are pockets of fluff)

• one night they both have nightmares and because I love a good cliché when it comes to my otps, you guessed it! They dreamt about what would’ve happen if they were too late and the other died. Now she’s no stranger to this type of dream, but he is full on freaking out cause holy crap he thought he was dying from seeing her die. They wake up relatively around the same time, he does a little bit earlier and like immediately holds her to confirm she’s alive. This kinda stirs her from her own nightmare and she’s kinda like ??? But she lets him be even though he’s low key suffocating her from how tight he’s holding her

• Loves are we finally getting somewhere? I think so! The big realization moment. Omm, our boy finally sees that he might actually like her! (Listen he’s in love but I can’t even think about that cause this is already a big step that he realizes he likes her okay) Now he sees why this sleeping arrangement is awkward cause now he’s going to be in the same bed as his crush and Omm that’s so nerve racking what is he going to do??? Cause if he just decides to quit it’s like she’ll know something’s up plus he doesn’t want to but how is he supposed to act like this is normal and he’s not going to internally combust? So yeah he doesn’t sleep that night but she does soundly and he’s just like I can’t believe you’re sleeping at a time like this but she also looks so peaceful and so cute while asleep and great now he’s a creep…

•WAIT!!! How is she not affected by this??? The answer, she must not like him… (oh how wrong he is, but I live to make him suffer) anyways he spends like the entire night going through a crisis while my queen snuggles into his side and sleeps like there’s nothing wrong. Cause nothing is wrong he’s just overthinking which is just funny to me

• now it’s her turn to notice he’s off like even with their sleeping arrangement, he looks tired and she’s like ??? Cause he was so adamant on doing this and saying it worked but now it looks like it isn’t so they should stop? And he’s conflicted cause he doesn’t want to but also he’s stressing himself out. Before they can officially end this thing, he has to crash at some point so he does and he has a nightmare. But she’s there soothing him and he goes back to sleep. Now she’s the one thinking I can’t keep doing this cause this is not helping me get over him so maybe they should stop this

•idiots in love trope? Yep. *sigh I can’t. I should mention that sometimes they do tell each other about the nightmares. Like not in detail, but they learn bits and pieces of each other’s bad dreams and they try to make it better in the daylight. So like if she has a bad dream about her sister, he’ll take her to go do something that they used to do. And she does the same, like they just bring each other up and offer comfort and acceptance and love (it’s why I say the golden otp vibes this fic has *sigh)

• now the actual heart to heart. Like they sit down and talk through the really bad nightmares and lay everything out on the table. No it doesn’t magically fix everything now that the secret’s out, but it does feel better knowing they’re not alone and that they have support. But now the feelings part… cause they can’t just be friends doing this can they? But if they cross the line and it doesn’t work out… could they live in limbo forever?

• here’s where I’m kinda stuck. Like my fluff loving side of course says they’re endgame and they live happily ever after and they might never be 100% okay but who is? The important thing is that they have each other to lean on. Two people broken by the same evil help each other fix themselves, because who else could understand if not each other? But how do I get there? Look I know a confession from either side (or both) would get me there but… there’s a part of me that kinda wonders what happens if I drag this out? (As the queen of sucking at slow burns I know I shouldn’t entertain this and I hate when things keep going when it should end but since I’m thinking out loud and may never write this…)

• what if they decide that they can’t lose each other so they don’t progress to the next step. But the thought of not being together even though they pretty much are is killer. Like they can’t hold hands, or kiss, or other stuff… cause they’re just friends. They can’t be jealous over other people cause they have no right to be. They’re just friends. Who sleep next to each other virtually every night, with a bond no one else could ever compare to, who understand each other best, know their weaknesses and not so great parts but still choose to stay, who love each other most in this world and really should be more but they can’t. Cause they’re just friends

• their demons have been hiding in the form of nightmares, but now it’s time for reality to crash in. They’re afraid of losing the comfort only the other can bring, so they never cross that line but there’s something worse they should fear. Having to say goodbye to this person without letting them know how they really felt, how their feelings were reciprocated and they could’ve had the whole world and been so happy together but they chose to live in uncertainty and it’s a goddamn tragedy cause Darling, our love story would truly have been something to be in awe at

• okay yeah I really hate angst and MCD so we are not doing that. My thinking actually was more along the lines of someone close to them has a near death experience and the person they love was a wreck cause how do they live? (I’m being dramatic, you can absolutely live okay) and it kinda gives them a reality check like Omm imagine if this happened to us but it’s even more tragic cause at least they have fond memories to look back on, but all we have are what if’s and almost’s and that’s even more sad… so you know what I have to tell you I love you and even if you don’t love me back I have to let you know cause I don’t want to live in fear anymore. And of course they both realize this at the same time and just blurt it out in a spur of the moment type of deal. It’s not planned out and not the way either of them ever envisioned they would confess, if they ever did. But now the secret’s out and they’re both laughing cause Omm they’re both idiots like it’s so obvious they’re in love how could they ever think it was one sided. And yes we have to deal with the big what if

• what if we don’t work out? What if we have to lose each other anyways? But that’s just it Loves, it’s a what if. A possibility that it could happen, but let’s retrace and look at the history. The probability of them not working out in this verse is slim to none. Why you ask? Because I’m the author and my otp is in love your honor. And also because this fic is all about comfort. And for me CoAi is comfort

[letstrywritingmaybe]

7. A Deal With Angel

(Re my list of CoAi ideas I will probably never get to)

So this one I really never plotted out, it’s more of a vague idea. Maybe I’ll just sit here and type whatever comes to mind…

The only thing I for sure know if this: it’s an AU and the Angel in question (because how could I not) is Ran. The premise is pretty much just Shiho being dealt a shit hand in life and loses her whole family cause of course. She moves back to Japan after being away for so long and takes a job as a crime analyst (Loves, I cannot resist). She’s still paranoid and traumatized by everyone she loves being dead, so she decides to take some self defense lessons and not freeze up like she did before. From who? You guessed it, Ran. Cause in this verse she’s going to be a karate instructor okay. Anyways… wait I’m supposed to making bullet points…

• okay now you have the whole background so we’re just gonna jump right to the first ShinShi meeting cause I only write stories about my otp okay. Sparks fly because they’re in love your honor, but it’s more of an oh. This person is interesting… I’ve never met anyone like you before and now I low key can’t stop thinking about you and idk what that means? Also of course they meet at a crime scene, I don’t make the rules

• This is an equal opportunity fic (I’m a liar, cause I’m biased) meaning no established relationships. Sorry canon ship but I don’t wanna break you up again and it’s an AU

• I’m sure you all know where this is going, low key love triangle situation. Unfortunately they’re both into the same guy *deep sigh (how is he so lucky? Why do I ship them?) BUT neither of them know that they’re technically love rivals

• Because we really need more Shiho and Ran brotp moments, they would be such good friends and super supportive! So yes! They become friends! And Ran (being the absolute Angel she is) tells her she should pursue her crush! Hence the title, a deal with Angel

• Clearly that’s the main conflict except I don’t plan on them finding out until like the end. Is this even an otp fic? Cause I’m leaning more towards brotp (but I’m trash so of course he chooses my queen, but we’re not there yet)

• like just imagine them hyping each other up and being so excited for each other when something positive happens with Shinichi. And also bringing each other up when something negative happens

• in which as the story progresses there’s a clear bias of my queen winning this competition she didn’t even know she was a part of. Omm the conversation they have when Ran is all I need to give up and Shiho being like No!!! You literally encouraged me not to give up and now you’re giving up!?!

• Their opposite arc of one accepting love they don’t believe they deserve to the other letting go of a love because they deserve better. Yes that’s what I’m here for and it’s all love, no hate even when the big reveal happens

• Ran finally being like I’m good with what happened and I’m happy for him but even more excited because things are official for Shiho and her crush and she’s all let me meet him and see if he’s actually good enough for you. Cause I’ll totally kick his ass if he hurts you even though I know you’re more than capable of defending yourself now

• When the three of them actually meet, Shiho and Ran being confused for a second but because they’re like besties now and totally on the same page they both laugh at how things turned out meanwhile Shinichi is like am I missing something here? Cause he was just here to introduce his girlfriend to his best friend but it seems like they already know each other?

• Shiho not feeling guilty at all because she went through this journey with Ran and is so happy for her that she chose herself and grew out of a love that doesn’t fit her. While Ran being super happy for Shiho that she’s finally out of her shell and believes that she deserves to be loved too and of course it’s with someone who she knows is a good person and now that she thinks about it, they’re totally such a good match! How did she not think of it earlier?

• Shinichi still being clueless, but is just happy that his two fav girls are getting along and they’re all friends and everyone is exactly where they’re supposed to be. And they all lived happily ever after, because sometimes life does give a fairytale ending full of love