#my mind turns your life into folklore forevermore series

[letstrywritingmaybe]

How Many Minutes To Midnight?

Summary: The answer? 22.

Each tick of the clock draws midnight near, it all leads to this. A countdown to a new beginning or does this spell the end of our love affair? 00:00 it’s time to make a choice. Midnight is here.

Aka the Midnights album fic I promised I would write.

We begin through the Lavender Haze

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Guilty As Sin?

Summary: She thinks of him daily, dreams of his touch nightly. But that’s all it is. Thoughts and fantasies, not a reality. Yet she’s crucified without ever once crossing the line. Just a bad girl here to steal a good guy’s heart, tricking him into being a rotten sinner like her.

If a sinner’s what they see, then a sinner he will be.

(Rated E and I’m also still very ace so read at your own discretion)

A/N: Was there ever any doubt I would write a song fic from TTPD? Certified Swiftie here, if you don’t like it, you can fuck off 😘

Posted on ao3 <3

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Thanks to @muslimintp-1999-girl for making a most CoAi Tay song poll. I promised to write a song fic for the one that won, and coincidentally it was one that I had in the works already. And since this began on tumblr, I’ll post it here and on ao3 <3

You Belong With Me?

Summary: It’s a matter of principle. She was here first and they grew up together for goodness sake! Of course people can change their minds, but she waited patiently for two years with the title as his girlfriend, so how can it be over just like that? It’s not fair.

If you could see that I’m the one who understands you

Been here all along so why can’t you see

You belong with me

Standing by you waiting at your back door

All this time how could you not know baby

You belong with me

It’s the first day of school of her freshman year in college. She’s nervously making her way around the courtyard, trying to navigate this new chapter in her life.

If only… no, she can’t think about him. Not today. But it’s too late. He’s like a virus that refuses to go away, no matter how much she tries to get rid of him.

Breathe Ran. It’s the first day of school. So what he’s going to be studying here too despite missing a whole year of high school. His super smart girlfriend must’ve helped him catch up.

She frowns, he was already smart before she came into the picture. She just doesn’t get it!

Okay, so yes Miyano Shiho is gorgeous, but she’s so shallow! What does Shinichi see in her? Yes she might be brilliant, holding multiple doctorates while Ran barely managed to make the cut for university, but Miyano is always making Shinichi feel stupid!

Yes her childhood friend can be an idiot, but he’s her idiot! Kudo Shinichi belongs to Mouri Ran. It’s been this way since they were four. Why can’t he see this!

Thirteen years together, plus two more of her waiting for his return so that they can go on dates like normal couples. They were official for two whole years and didn’t even go on one single date together.

They saw each other more frequently when they were just friends…

Crap, she’s been lost in her thoughts for too long. She missed the turn for her first class. Now she has to hurry or else she’s going to be late. She can’t make a bad impression on the first day.

Turning around, she bolts towards the science department. It’s a good thing she’s a fast runner, she makes it into one of the last two empty seats in the room before the professor begins pulling up the syllabus.

Quickly taking out her notebook, she takes a deep breath to slow her racing heartbeat. She thinks it’s just about back to normal when a loud commotion interrupts the professor mid sentence.

“Sorry I’m late!”

She’s heard those same words too many times to count, and that voice too. She doesn’t even need to look next to her to know that the last empty seat, is taken by none other than her ex boyfriend.

She cannot hide her displeasure, making the mistake of glancing in his direction as he dares to flash her a sheepish smile.

She hates him, but she really doesn’t. Her heart rate picks back up. Get it together Ran. It’s just one look, just a tiny smile and already she feels herself falling again.

“Don’t make it a habit next time, Kudo. Even if you have Miyano-kun vouching for you.”

Great. He doesn’t even get in trouble for being late, and of course the professor knows Miyano. Why is life so unfair?

The rest of the day goes by in a blur, mentally she’s still stuck in her eight am class.

Next Chapter

This must be a sign from the universe. The apartment across from her dorm gives her a clear view of the person residing there. Yep, it’s none other than the guy who still owns her heart. This has to mean something.

He doesn’t see her yet, engrossed into a heated phone call. She can’t quite make out the conversation, but she swears she reads the name Miyano on his lips.

Figures Miyano would be picking a fight with Shinichi right now. Honestly they should just break up. All they ever do is argue.

Keeping her eye on the window, she moves over to her CD player to start this new album she’s been obsessing over.

She smiles remembering the amount of effort Shinichi put into getting it for her. Who knew CDs would be so hard to come by?

She’s willing to bet Miyano doesn’t listen to this kind of music. She doesn’t seem the type to care about things like this.

He finally hangs up the phone, a frown etched onto his beautiful face. She knows what will cheer him up!

Before she can even gain his attention, he’s distracted by the person who walks into his room. It’s just not fair. How can she look so flawless in a short skirt in this weather! She’s not even shivering!

Ran takes a moment to compare her attire, noting her worn t-shirt she hastily threw on as she was running late. It’s one of her favorites, it’s reliable, but it dulls in comparison to Miyano’s fashion sense. Even Sonoko couldn’t help but admire Miyano’s style.

Again she still can’t hear anything, but it seems they’re continuing their previous argument.

Ran instinctively ducks when she sees Miyano walk over to pull the curtains close for some privacy. It doesn’t stop her from seeing their silhouette press together in the glow of incandescent bulbs above their heads. The image seems to be magnified as it burns into her memory.

The way she moves away to gain some distance, how he immediately rushes to pull her back into his arms. Shutting her venomous words with the touch of his lips onto hers. Ran has to look away after this. Shinichi has never shut Ran up with a kiss.

Next Chapter

She’s adjusted well to college life. Going to classes, finishing assignments, making new friends, and allowing Shinichi back into her life.

He has a way of worming himself into a person’s heart, like a parasite who slowly takes control until it’s too late to break free of its influence.

So even though she decided she would get over him and go back to being friends. Old habits die hard. She finds herself wishing for his company more and more, only to be let down again and again.

It’s times like this she wonders how Miyano deals with his frequent disappearances. Will it eventually become too much, breaking them apart and leaving him all alone?

No, Kudo Shinichi shines too brightly to ever be left alone. If not Miyano, someone else will gladly take her place, and even though she knows she shouldn’t. Ran would be first in line.

“Ran? I thought that was you.”

“Shinichi? What are you doing here?”

“I got caught up in a case.”

“You and your cases. Some things never change.”

“No, they don’t. Are you headed back?”

“Just about. There’s a cafe up ahead that everyone’s been raving about. I thought I would go check it out.”

“That one just opened up right?”

“Yeah… um�� if you’re not busy, you’re welcome to join me.”

“Sure, it’ll be my treat.”

Her heart is thumping erratically in her chest. This is it. This must be what it’s like to finally be on a date with Shinichi, just the two of them without his insistent babbles about mysteries.

They opted to sit outside at a park bench since it was so crowded inside. The weather is finally warming up, soon it will be spring.

She wasn’t thinking when she blurted out her hope that he would come with her. She’s never been one to remain shy when he’s involved. Preparing for another rejection, she was overjoyed when he accepted.

She expects it to be awkward, they haven’t really spoken outside of their one shared class. The conversation flows naturally, they seem to pick up right where they were, before he broke up with her.

She melts seeing his smile, it’s been a long time since she’s seen his smile. She notes the bags under his eyes, he hasn’t been sleeping well. She calls him out on it.

“I’m fine, really, just busy.”

“I know you better than that. What’s bothering you, Shinichi?”

“… nothing. I’m doing great, honestly.”

“… we are still friends right? Maybe you’ll feel better if you confide in someone.”

He pauses as he weighs out the pros and cons of letting her in. It has to be about Miyano. He’s never kept secrets, unless his girlfriend is involved. There must be trouble in paradise.

She waits with bated breath for the answer. Until the clacking of heels interrupts them.

Glancing up, her eyes meet the woman who took everything from her. Clenching her fist, she forces herself to calm down. She can’t make a scene when Shinichi is already upset.

Sure spring is just around the corner, but is it necessary to walk around in sparkling golden heels right now? Ran looks down at her trusty trainers, this is much more practical.

Looking over to see what Shinichi thinks, she’s taken aback by his reaction. She’s never seen this side of him before.

The look of relief when he sees Miyano standing in front of him, how his eyes soften when she asks if he’s ready to go home. He immediately reaches for her hand as a response, cracking a smile on her normally impassive features.

She’s beautiful when she smiles. Not that she isn’t already gorgeous, but it’s a kind of radiance that rivals the light of a thousand suns. An aura she once believed only belonged to Shinichi, but now she knows there is another.

Miyano is polite when they bid their goodbyes, she even tells Ran to try a vanilla latte next time. With oat milk to be exact.

It’s then she realizes why Shinichi was so quick to take her offer. Going as far as snapping a picture of his drink, even though he used to think it was silly when Ran would do this. He was sending it to Miyano, in hopes it would be enough to lure her over to him.

Next Chapter

Her whole life she knew her place as a spot next to Shinichi, growing used to his presence. How he holds her together when she’s in her deepest woes. In return, she does the same for him.

Or at least she thought she did. He was her safe place, she tried to be his safe haven as well. Making herself available to him at random times, usually to use as an excuse for his absence. Doing little things to cheer him up when he’s in a grumpy mood, even though she thinks he’ll feel better if he just cries it out like she does when she’s sad.

She knows all of his hopes and dreams. Though she claims to be annoyed, she does admire his drive to achieve his goals. She knows he can do anything if he puts his mind to it.

So then… why couldn’t they make it work?

Why did he break her heart with claims that he may not be able to return, leaving her waiting in agony every single day during the course of their relationship.

Why didn’t he immediately rush to her side, and beg for her to take him back… after whatever battles he had been fighting without her were over?

Why come back without any explanations except for an apology she never wanted to hear. How he couldn’t give her the life she wants, because he made a promise to some other girl.

Who cares about this newcomer? Did she put in as much time and love into this boy, now a grown man, as Ran did? Were nights spent pacing up and down in desperation that his absence is just a bad nightmare? What gives Miyano Shiho the right to come crashing into their lives and stealing what is rightfully hers?

Their love story isn’t supposed to end in tragedy, Ran and Shinichi should have made it all the way to the very end. Live the fairytale happily ever after she’s been dreaming about since she was four.

It’s just not fair. Kudo Shinichi belongs to Mouri Ran.

“Shiho, wait!”

Ran doesn’t know why she does it, but she hides behind the building like a coward. He’s not even looking for her, why should she hide?

Miyano certainly isn’t as she continues to walk ahead of him, she isn’t slowing her stride. Ran wonders how she’s still able to move so quickly with those black pumps.

“Shiho!”

He finally catches up to her, grabbing her wrist, forcing her to turn around to face him. Even from this distance, Ran can see the anger in her eyes. Miyano Shiho is livid.

It’s then she takes a better look at Shinichi and notes his disheveled appearance. It’s a miracle he was able to catch up to her so quickly given his injuries.

“I told you to wait for me.”

“I heard.”

“You cruel woman, I’m in real pain and you just left me at the nurse’s office.”

“You should’ve just stayed there and gotten your wounds treated.”

“You’re still mad…”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“Shiho, I…”

“No Shinichi, stop. I’m not doing this again. I warned you and you didn’t listen. It’s over. We’re done here.”

“I promise there won’t be a next time, I didn’t know that guy had a knife. Look at me, I’m still fine, it just hurts a little.”

“You know I don’t mind you going out and solving cases, but you’re so reckless! Do you even consider how I feel seeing you hurt every time? I’m grateful that you gave me back my life Shinichi. You taught me not to be afraid, but now you’re the reason for my fears. I’m tired of being scared.”

“Shiho, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not sorry. Just let me go.”

She pushes him away, intending to walk off by herself. He doesn’t allow her the luxury. Reaching out before she has the chance to completely turn away. He gathers her into his arms, holding her tightly, afraid she may disappear into thin air should he let her leave.

Ran cannot hear the whispers he speaks into Miyano’s ear, but it seems to calm her down enough to return his embrace. The only thing she manages to make out is those three little words.

He loves her. He really loves her.

The End

Once upon a time Ran believed she was in love with a boy who would only love her back. Now she knows better. It doesn’t matter who was here first, or how much time they spent together. There is no measure for love.

After seeing the almost break up of shinshi, she goes back through her memories one last time before letting the past stay in the past.

She’d be lying if she said it didn’t hurt, of course it did, it was real after all. It still hurts if she’s being honest, but it’s a dull ache that no longer consumes her every waking moment. Some days, she forgets it even existed.

Sonoko asked her once what made her graciously bow out of this love triangle, she told her she deserves better; as her best friend, Sonoko wholeheartedly agreed.

The truth is, she learned an important lesson from Shiho that day. It’s a cliché, but seeing it in action solidified the expression.

Shiho was willing to let Shinichi go, despite loving him. Teenage Ran wouldn’t understand this, even if she did want them to break up, but Ran now understands.

No one belongs to anyone, only to themselves. So while she used to wish her ex boyfriend would come back to her like they do in the movies. Now she knows, Kudo Shinichi belongs to himself and he chooses Miyano Shiho.

So, it’s time Mouri Ran do the same. It’s just a matter of principle, she can’t have her childhood best friend showing her up after all. That just wouldn’t be fair.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

@muslimintp-1999-girl it’s finally done, Love! The Don’t Blame Me inspired song fic, and you can now read it on ao3 <3

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Hi, I’m Cyn and sometimes I write 🥰 Always posted on ao3, I made the decision to restrict it to registered users only 🫶 I am a self indulgent writer and I write purely for myself (few exceptions are made, but even so I enjoy the fics I write for others). I share my fics on the off chance someone else might like them too, but I really don’t feel the need to defend my choices especially if I don’t know you. If we’ve established a connection, then I’m all for chatting and explaining my thinking. I highly encourage writing your own fic and making it how you want. It’s more rewarding that way, and you get to say you created something! 🩵

While I’m here, I’m very easily set off by the canon ship and my notp so if I see it I will get upset, it’s not that serious, just leave me be. I’ll get over it, cause being rude and leaving mean comments on those posts are not okay, especially when there are people who like those ships and make things for them.

Also I’m a fangirl first and foremost so I thrive off leaving love letters and reblogging things (primarily on my main account), that being said I’m also super picky. I only comment on things I enjoyed, and I don’t like angst/mcd so don’t expect to see my username on those fics. I try to read everything, but it doesn’t always work out.

I guess I have to add the super obvious, there are no bad endings in my fics (unless I specify in the beginning and I will tag it cause I know how it feels since I hate reading that shit myself. I literally write the same story every time) if you’ve read one you’re read them all imo. We just take slightly different routes to get to the same conclusion: my ships are meant to be in every single universe and that’s final! I preach commenting because I think it’s the absolute least we can do when an author has done so much by giving us these amazing fics to read, but I’m not someone who needs/wants praise so please don’t comment if you’re gonna be annoying. Either read it and move on or just exit the fic, it’s really not that difficult.

Okay I give up, I’m just gonna list all my fics and tag them on this post instead. Again this is for my own personal benefit. If anyone cares to read them, they’re all posted on ao3 for registered users.

CoAi/ShinShi {grey otp}

Confession Chronicles

Redamancy Series- Promised Protection • New Year’s Day • The Eyes On You • Touch and Stay • Umbrella • Shark Attack

My Life Turns Your Life Into Folklore Forevermore Series- Folklore Twist • Forever & Evermore • Don’t Blame Me • You Belong With Me? • How Many Minutes To Midnight? (Ongoing) • Guilty As Sin?

Reciprocating Relationship

I Know You

Christmas Fics: Always Choose The Heart • Forget The Fallout, Let’s Be Alone Together • And We Keep Falling • Nothing’s Changed • Angel • Midwinter

Revised Recollection

Be Mine?

A Kiss For The Obvious

First Kiss

13

Love, Learned

I Can Make Your Heart Race

Such A Tease Series- Play Pretend • Picturesque • DreamOf Me • Devour • Blame it on the Drugs

Irreversible (a kaishi endgame verse but this part is all shinshi, see Run To Change The Endgame)

There’s Nothing Triangle About It

What Do You Want?

Lo Lo Love Me (+) Lo Lo Lost

CoAi Week Things: Superposition • Versus • Critical • It’s You and Me, That’s My Whole World

I Hate Accidents, Except When We Went From Friends To This (flufftober 2022)

Kiss Of Life

Public Transportation

Triple Threat

And Another Thing! (Extras/What If scenes from established versus)

Every Dog Has His Day

In(de)finite (yearoftheotp 2023)

Honey I’m A Sucker When You Linger Series- I Only Lie When I Love You • I Wish I Cared Less

Love Me Like You Do

When I Look At You…

Consent and Kisses

Off Limits

Mistake

I Want More

Might As Well Be Drunk In Love

Nobody’s Perfect

Collabs with Vordark, my beloved <3

It’s What You and I Do

1+1=2, x2? (Ongoing)

WIPs I desperately need to finish…

Point Of View Series- It’s Not Just Acting (1. Yukiko)

Real Or Not Real Series- False Memories

Love Me, But Don’t Fall For Me (fake dating, CoAi edition- ongoing)

Catch My Lies (powers verse- ongoing)

[A Marriage Proposal, Or Two- one is kaishi, two is shinshi]

🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

<KaiShi> {steal my heart ship}

Run To Change The Endgame (ongoing)

All Your Love

Hug Prescription

He’s Funny

It’s Like My Birthday, Except…

A Day Out With The Kids

It Starts With A Kiss

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

(Other Shiho Ships)

Fleeting Feelings (technically an all Shiho ship fic)

Love, It Was Enough To Recognize (AU-gust 2024)

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Duncney {red otp}

Another Universe (based off Marcy’s Just One Universe)

Shituationship (duncney week 2023 day 7 Aka canon duncney day!)

I Really Wish I Hated You (duncney week 2024 day 7)

Pumpkin Spice

💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Romanogers {golden otp}

Romanogers Week: What If?

Leave Me, Just Don’t Forget To Kiss Me

Life Never Tasted So Sweet (flufftober 2022)

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

RobStar {orange otp}

His Starfire, Her Robin (yearoftheotp 2023)

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Right Where You Left Me

Mind my business

If our love died young

I can't bear witness

And it's been so long

But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where

You left me

A dark room, an empty table with four chairs pushed in. The lights flicker on bringing life back into the diner. The momentary panic disappears as the staff return to their duties, the few patrons around settle their bill to hurry home. Only one lone customer remains, standing by the entrance until she decides to venture to the vacant table in the corner. Her usual spot, left just for her. An empty table with four chairs pushed in, she slides one out to sit on. She doesn’t bother with a menu, she only orders the same thing every time anyways.

Her eyes are closed, listening to the background noise of the restaurant. She only opens them when she hears the shuffle of the chair opposite her move. Green eyes meet blue, he’s late but he’s here. Her face remains neutral when the waitress arrives with her cup of coffee, an identical one is placed in front of her companion. She takes a sip of her beverage then gazes out the window, as always he’s the one to break the silence. Three little words, enough to catch her off guard, turning her attention back on him.

“Ran’s getting married.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“That’s not funny Kudo.”

“It’s the only way I can get you to agree to meet with me. If we talk about her.”

“How is she?”

“Good, she’s about to graduate. She seems happy.”

“She’s good at pretending.”

“I know.”

Picking up her mug again, she puts up her walls. It’s getting increasingly more difficult to sit across from him like this. Talking as if they’re friends, not just strangers who should’ve never met. He’s going to persuade her, it’s a miracle she’s held back for so long, but she can’t give in. She’s the one to break the silence this time, with a question that’s been haunting her ever since their first meeting at this very spot.

“Why.”

“It wouldn’t be fair to her.”

“Wasn’t the point to go back? When did you lose sight of that?”

“The night that we…”

“It’s getting late, you should go back.”

“Shiho.”

His hand touches hers before she can move away, she wants to pull free, but she can’t. Not when he keeps looking at her with those deep blue eyes she loves so much. Begging her to stay and hear him out, let him make his case. Guilt eats at her, there’s no winning, she’s still right where he left her.

“I can’t move on. I don’t want to move on. It’s not Ran, it hasn’t been her for a long time.”

“You’re not the only one who can’t move on. She can’t either.”

“What about you? Have you moved on?”

“There’s no moving on for people like me.”

She leaves him sitting alone in their corner. He watches as she walks farther and farther away, never once turning back. He’s offering her an empty promise, even if it is real, she can’t take it. She doesn’t deserve his love.

She finds herself back at the restaurant, a bad habit she just can’t seem to quit. Every Thursday near midnight like clockwork, she sits in her chair observing the quiet of the night from the window. Without fail Shinichi joins her there as well, always late given his tendencies to attract crime scenes; nevertheless he always manages to turn up before her coffee grows cold. A familiar scene as he strolls in taking his seat opposite her, a warm smile greeting her, she doesn’t reciprocate the action.

For once he doesn’t break the silence immediately, she waits for him to say something, anything but he stays quiet. Curiosity gets the best of her, meeting his gaze head on, except he’s looking out the window instead. An uneasy feeling forming knots in her stomach, could it be? A few minutes later, he finally looks at her with a wary expression. As usual he’s the one to break the ice, along with her heart with just three simple words.

“I met someone.”

A sharp pain across her palm, she barely registers the blood from the cut. The sound of her mug shattered into tiny pieces is still ringing in her ears, the white table cloth stained dark brown mixed with a bit of red. His touch brings her back to reality as she utters a soft apology to the waitress for having to clean up her mess. He asks for a first aid kit to patch her up, she tries to pull away, she needs to leave. He doesn’t allow her to, not until she has a bandaid put on. It may be a superficial wound, but knowing her she’ll end up making it worse especially given her current state of mind. He quickly gets to work after settling in next to her, effectively trapping her at the table.

“There, all done.”

He places a gentle kiss on the bandage, keeping her hand in his. She wants to shout at him, how dare he do something like this when he just admitted he met someone else. She never gets the words out, before she even opens her mouth, his lips are on hers silencing her anger. His hand on her cheek drawing her closer, his kisses growing more intense now that he no longer has to hold back. She doesn’t realize how hard she is clutching the front of his shirt until they pull apart for air. He’s shameless as he closes the distance to steal another kiss, this one just a light peck, but he couldn’t resist seeing the effect he has on her. He couldn’t resist teasing her, briefly wondering if she would let him get away with stealing another kiss.

“Had I known this is all it takes for you to drop the act, I would’ve done this sooner.”

“You shouldn’t go around kissing people after admitting there’s someone else.”

“There’s no one else Shiho, it’s you.”

“So you lied to me.”

“To be fair, I didn’t think you would fall for it. You always call me out.”

At a loss for words she stays quiet pouting, he calls her adorable making her blush. It’s honestly not fair, she really should be over him by now. His persistent nature forcing his way into her heart, making a home there without any signs of leaving. His hand finds hers, a pleading look in his eyes is all she needs to know the questions he doesn’t ask aloud. Where does this leave us? More importantly is there even an us? Please say there’s an us.

Her continuous denial over the nature of their relationship sends a pang to his heart. It’s been six years since their return, three since his breakup with his childhood sweetheart. No matter how much he tries to persuade her to give him a chance, she stubbornly refuses. Giving the same excuse: it’s best for everyone to move on and go back to the way things should be. Yet here she is still lingering at the diner he made his confession that she’s the one he wants. Joining her at their old spot is the only time he sees her anymore, she’s all but isolated herself from their loved ones. No more beating around the bush, he’s going to confront her tonight.

“Stop pushing me away Shiho, I know you feel the same way.”

“So what if I do? It doesn’t mean we have to be together.”

“But I want us to, you can’t tell me you’ve never wanted the same thing.”

“You shouldn’t even be here. You should be married to Ran with a kid celebrating Christmas together.”

“You know neither of those things can happen. Besides, that’s not even the life I want.”

“It was, once upon a time.”

“Our lives are far from being a fairytale. If it was one, you would have already said yes.”

“I’m not cut out for a happily ever after.”

“You’ve never tried it, how would you know?”

He’s blocking the only path out of this conversation, he’s not letting her leave alone ever again. She’s running out of excuses, having gone through all of them each time they meet. It’s rare for him to win an argument against her, but he has high hopes they can work this out. She has two options, crush him or give in, either way he’s still going to stay by her side.

“Why?”

“There’s no moving on from you Shiho.”

“… you know she feels the same way about you.”

Guilt eats at her, somehow she thinks it’s her fault he fell for her. Even if they never met, he doesn’t think things would work out with Ran. They’re not a good fit, they could never last. He can name a million reasons why it’s not realistic to believe first loves never die out, but that’s a conversation for another time. He chooses his next words carefully, telling her the truth.

“I know, but I’ve always been more selfish than her. Indulge me just this once, I promise it’ll be worth it.”

No cards up his sleeve, his open hand waiting for her to take it, to walk towards their future together. To finally be unstuck in this endless cycle of misery. She takes his hand; they leave the restaurant, never once turning back.

Also available on ao3 <3

[letstrywritingmaybe]

It’s Time To Go

You know in your soul

When it's time to go

So then you go

The end of another chapter, thank you for those of you still around <3

Blank white wall, watching the paint dry now that the toxic fumes are no longer noticeable. The final detail needed to complete the renovation, then she can sell the house. It’s time to look to the future, she’s no longer the same scared little girl without a place to call home. She isn’t alone anymore.

“Maybe you should go back and get some sleep, you look really tired Shiho-kun.”

“I’m fine, Professor. We’re almost done anyways, just need to put everything back into its place.”

“Let Shinichi and the kids take care of that, you’ve already done enough, helping me fix up the place. Besides, you’re about to fall asleep in your lunch.”

“I got her, don’t worry, I’ll make sure to bring her back safely.”

His reassuring arms at her side, telling her it’s time to go with a fond smile. Not wanting to make a scene in front of her adoptive father, she can only nod, allowing him to take her back to his house. They’ve been staying over in their ever gracious neighbor’s home since the renovations began. It’s more convenient this way, given its close proximity, and Shinichi insisted on having them over. Just a few more days until she’s able to put up some much needed boundaries between them, he’s forgotten about the invisible line that he keeps crossing. Friends should not have their touch linger nor should they look at each other like that. She excuses it as typical break up behavior, looking for an easy rebound before returning to his normal self again. Except it’s been seventeen months and he’s still stepping into her space, claiming all of her time for himself.

She pushes him away as soon as they’re outside the house. Used to her brushing him off, he doesn’t immediately reach for her. They walk the short distance in silence, she makes sure to keep a safe amount of space between them, though it shrinks more and more the closer they get to their destination. She’s distracted, watching him from the corner of her eye, she stumbles over some stray gravel on his doorstep. He’s there to catch her, arms wrapped around her waist in an instant to steady her.

“Don’t worry, I got you.”

“I’m fine, you can let go now.”

“We’re almost home.”

They’re much too close, she’s in a dangerous territory, feeling herself falling despite having both feet on the ground. Her heart skips a beat, her face growing red from the way his eyes stay focused on her. His arms are still around her, she places her hands over them in an effort to push them away. He reacts faster, taking this opportunity to pick her up, catching her completely off guard.

“What are you doing Kudo? Put me down!”

“It’s easier this way, look, we're already home.”

“I told you I was fine. I can walk on my own.”

“Shiho, you’re exhausted. How long has it been since you had a proper night’s rest? You have bags under your eyes.”

“You’re one to talk, you haven’t been sleeping either.”

“I do sleep, you’re the one who stays awake.”

She cannot argue against him, at least not on this subject. The nightmares still haunt her, she stays awake in hopes that they will vanish on their own. She’s not the only one cursed with these demons, he shares them too, though he claims they no longer bother him when she is by his side. So begins their sleeping arrangements, one that she did not sign up for, choosing to sit in the living room waiting until daylight breaks. He accompanies her a little over two weeks after he finds her passed out near his doorsteps. Since then, he’s made sure to force her to get some shuteye before it kills her. This ends up curing his insomnia, though she still stubbornly holds onto hers.

He carries her up the stairs into her room, gently placing her on the bed. He takes his time tucking her in, she takes this opportunity to study him. His concentrated gaze, making sure she’s comfortable, softens when they meet her tired eyes. Brushing her hair out of her face, his touch lingers on her cheek, she shuts her eyes and tells him to leave as she turns onto her side.

“Promise you’ll get some sleep. I’m just down the hall if you need anything.”

“I’m not a child, it’s not real anyways.”

“You’re right, so stop worrying. Goodnight Shiho.”

“It’s three in the afternoon.”

“Okay, fine, then have a nice nap.”

She’s finally alone, when is she not? It’s all she’s ever known, so why is it bothering her now? She finds herself missing him, which is ridiculous given how much time they spend together, but it’s true. She hasn’t laid down on this bed in all the months she’s spent here, she tosses and turns trying in vain to fall asleep. Exhaustion wins as she stops fighting, letting it all go, falling into dreamland against her will. Struggling to stay awake, but her eyes are already closed.

The sound of her screams has him barging into her room immediately after he heard it. She’s incredibly still now, though he can hear her murmuring the names of those they almost lost that night. A pained expression on her face, he knows better than to jolt her awake. She needs to wake up on her own, instead he crawls next to her and holds her until she calms down. He does his best to soothe her, telling her she’s okay and that he’s here, tears fall out of her eyes as she whispers his name. He knows exactly the moment she’s dreaming of, it’s the worst one for her, when he nearly died.

“It’s not real, I’m right next to you.”

Ever so slowly her eyes begin to open, her hands reach up to touch his face confirming he’s alive and well next to her. She takes a few deep breaths to recenter herself, her hand now rests on his chest over his beating heart. He leans in to kiss her on the forehead reiterating the fact that it’s over, there’s nothing to worry about. Their fingers are interlocked, he plays with her hair smoothing it down in a steady rhythm. It’s wrong of him to indulge in this when she’s so broken, but it’s the only time she gives any indication that his affections are not one sided. He’s always followed her lead, letting her decide when to cross the line of friendship, perhaps he should be a little more selfish. He considers closing what little distance there is between them to finally claim her lips, but he thinks better of it. He doesn’t want their first kiss to be one he has to steal from her.

He’s not sure how much time passes until she’s calmed down enough to see that they’re no longer in danger. She pushes him away the moment she realizes it was only a nightmare. She needs to get more rest, the heavy bags under her eyes are proof of too many sleepless nights, but she’s already climbing out of her bed pretending she’s alright. He grabs her hand, preventing her escape, pulling her back down to lie under the covers with him. She tries again to leave, but he has both arms wrapped around her forcing her to stay put. She refuses to turn around to face him, instead she complains about how clingy he’s acting when he’s a grown man.

“Just stay with me for a little while. I haven’t been sleeping either.”

She shifts so that she can take a good look at him, noting the dark circles under his eyes she hadn’t noticed before. She didn’t know his demons made their return again, she thought he was coping better than she was. He certainly seems to be functioning well enough, but it has been a few days since she last saw him. She reaches her hand up to cup his cheek, smoothing her thumb under his tired eyes, whispering a soft apology as she tells him to go to sleep promising to stay by his side.

“You need to stop blaming yourself, it was my choice.”

“Your blood would be on my hands if he had…”

“I’m still here, you need to let it go. I would do it all over again if I had to.”

“But you shouldn’t.”

“What would you have me do? Watch you die in front of me instead… I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you.”

“It would have been better if you let me go that day.”

“No. Shiho, no. Don’t you say that ever again. It’s not true.”

“I wish we never met, then maybe you could have your normal life back.”

“I wish I met you sooner, I wish I was there to protect you before they hurt you, but I’m here now. So please… stop pushing me away.”

“… I’ll never be able to let you go if I let you in.”

“So don’t, I’m not going anywhere.”

She does not give a vocal reply, snuggling further into his embrace, listening to the sound of his beating heart. Lulling her to sleep, her eyes close and he follows her into dreamland. It’s time to go, leaving the past behind, walking away from all the bad things in their lives.

Flash forward fifteen years later and they’re still together, moving on from the past going towards their future. He keeps his promise, letting everything go except for her, she does the same. There isn’t a magical cure freeing them from the horrors that haunt them in the middle of the night, but it’s bearable knowing they’re not alone, those ghosts no longer haunt them when the sun’s out.

“What are you so happy about?”

She asks curled up next to him in bed, lounging around on a sunny Saturday afternoon. They have their own place, close to their loved ones, but also far enough for some privacy. He smiles again at the sight of her, still as beautiful as ever and she’s all his. He leans in to kiss her, his heart races when she holds him closer, they eventually pull apart breathless with flushed cheeks. He breaks their comfortable silence to answer her question.

“I never thought I would be happy about not sleeping.”

“That’s why you keep smiling? Of course that’s the only thing on your mind.”

“You’re just as bad, if not worse.”

“You offered to keep me company, it would be impolite of me to refuse.”

“What about now?”

“Again?”

“With you? Always.”

“Whoever said marriage kills your sex drive is a liar.”

“Maybe for other people, but we’re different.”

He’s already trailing kisses down her neck making her laugh, he never imagined this is how their sleeping arrangements would take them. The first time they were both too drunk to fight it, then it became something of a necessity, tiring each other out so that they could get some much needed rest. It was a poor excuse to bring them closer, but she wasn’t ready to admit it was anything more, and he didn’t know how to convince her without driving her away. In the end, it worked out, their relationship progressing at a snail’s pace. Many tears of joy were shed when they finally announced their engagement then later during their wedding, their friends can be so dramatic.

“Still with me? Why did you stop?”

“Just thinking about how long it took us to get this far, but it was worth it. Still is worth it.”

“What’s gotten into you today? You’re not normally this sappy.”

“I’m just really happy.”

“… you’re not just saying that to make me feel better…”

“No, you know I don’t like sharing, now I’ll never have to worry about that.”

“Shinichi…”

“I mean it, Shiho. This is enough. You are more than enough for me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Always.”

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[letstrywritingmaybe]

Long Story Short

No more keepin' score

Now I just keep you warm (Keep you warm)

And my waves meet your shore

Ever and evermore

Long story short, it was a bad time

Long story short, I survived

A dark oak table with a single lamp and half empty coffee mug upon it. The blank page, that should’ve been filled with hundreds of words already, is still bare. The auburn haired woman sits alone in the dimly lit room still trying to gather her thoughts to write the letter. She lets out a sigh for the millionth time as she opens up the drawer to pull out the letter addressed to her old alias. She still isn’t sure what to make of it, but she wishes she never found it in the first place.

“Are you okay in there? You haven’t made a single sound for the past two hours.”

“I’m fine. You’re home early for once.”

“I’ve been home on time for the past two weeks, seriously what’s going on?”

She doesn’t even bother trying to hide the envelope this time, as the detective picks it up to read. He isn’t surprised at the attempt at contact, but the contents are something to be wary of given the sender’s tumultuous history with the intended receiver. He doesn’t say a word after putting the almost offending letter down, she lets out another sigh.

“You’re thinking of writing him back.”

“Mmm.”

“Why.”

“For closure maybe? I honestly don’t know. Part of me wants to burn the damn thing and pretend I never found it.”

“Hmm.”

A pause as they both recollect their thoughts, there really isn’t anything to be said. She has the final decision, he can’t go against it, even if he disagrees. Instead, he offers his hand to pull her up from the chair she’s been sitting in since early morning. She accepts, taking his hand as he whisks her away to the outside world for some much needed fresh air. The bright sunlight blinds her momentarily, but he doesn’t allow her to shrink back inside as he continues onward to who knows where.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going? Shouldn’t you be at the robbery case you mentioned?”

“I took care of it already.”

She waits for him to answer her first question, but he doesn’t budge. She rolls her eyes begrudgingly following him to their destination. It’s then that she realizes, he hasn’t let go of her hand, he seems to notice at the same time. When she tries to let go, his grip tightens keeping her from slipping away. Her face flushes as she glances over to see the rose tint upon his own cheeks, she smiles as he makes a point not to acknowledge his actions, he stares ahead as if this is the most normal thing for them to do on a Friday afternoon.

They walk around aimlessly for another two blocks, she wants to ask again where they’re going. This is the wrong path to go visit their friends, the case is already solved, she hasn’t mentioned wanting to go anywhere special. The brisk autumn air is a bit frigid as she didn’t prepare for a sudden outside adventure and he didn’t think to remind her to bring a jacket. Goosebumps start to form as she shivers from the cold, he lets go of her hand to remove his coat to drape over her. She starts to refuse, but he wouldn’t have it, she slips the outerwear on enveloping herself in his warmth. He takes her hand once more then continues their walk, the gesture makes her heart thump rapidly, she can guess his intentions but she doesn’t dare hope it’s true. Another block where it seems they’re going in circles is when she makes the connection, she chuckles out loud gaining his attention.

“You have no idea where we’re going, do you?”

“I… I didn’t think it through, I just wanted to get you out of the house…”

“Even after reading the letter.”

“Especially after reading it. I don’t think of you any differently.”

“You’re not even a little disgusted?”

They’re now stopped randomly in the middle of a side street, few people pass through this path giving them some sort of privacy from the public. He turns to face her, his gaze soft, tightening the hold he has on her hand, she feels her breath catch from the way he’s looking at her. There’s no judgment, he isn’t lying.

“We all make mistakes, Shiho, plus he was a predator.”

“Your mistakes didn’t cost you everything.”

“But you’re still here. You survived the worst.”

She smiles, whispering a soft thank you agreeing with his logic. He’s right, there’s no use holding onto the past condemning herself when no one else is blaming her. The nightmare is over, it can’t hurt her anymore, unless she keeps carrying the burden herself.

“Where do we go from here Shinichi?”

“I don’t know yet, but I’m sure we can figure it out together.”

Her smiles are usually rare, ones that he treasures when directed towards him, but he’s been seeing a lot more of them lately. Their impromptu outdoor stroll seems to be when it started, she wasn’t holding back her happiness any longer. The cloud of sorrow that used to follow her around has all but dissipated into thin air. As winter approaches changing the weather, their relationship has progressed keeping them warm despite the chilling season.

“Ready to go?”

She nods as she slips on her gloves along with her jacket to meet the Detective Boys for a trip up the mountains. Best to stay bundled up for the snowball fight that is sure to start when the kids try to ambush them for being late. Snow starts to drift down outside of his home, soon the streets will be covered in white. He takes her hand without the excuse of keeping them warm now that she’s prepared for the cold weather. She smiles again, his heart skips a beat seeing how content she is with him.

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

“You just look really happy.”

“I am happy.”

“What ever happened with the letter?”

“I threw it away, I don’t need anything from him, not when I have you.”

To make a long story short, despite all the bad times, they persevered and survived it together. All the twists and turns, close calls, almost goodbyes brought them to a peaceful existence with each other. He squeezes her hand, a smile on his face, he’s finally home.

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[letstrywritingmaybe]

Evermore

And I couldn't be sure

I had a feeling so peculiar

This pain wouldn't be for

Evermore

Snow falls over the dreary city on this November evening, coating the town in white when all she sees is grey. The darkness calls out to her, starts as a whisper until the voices become screams, blaming her for their early demise. Their spirits haunt her, July seems like a lifetime ago, back when she had to hide behind a different kind of sorrow. She can see her breath as she takes the long way back, the wind howls fighting her at every step, a harsh winter that’s sure to come. She huddles into her petticoat, not nearly thick enough to keep her warm while the snow continues to fall, she hadn’t intended on staying out for long. It’s always when she least expects, her guard is down, seemingly away from harm until she realizes she’s never been safe.

She stumbles into the empty cabin, her footsteps echoing, the only sign of life while the others are away. Meant to be a getaway, something to remind her of the good times, all it does is force the demons to get angrier. How dare she attempt to go back to a normal life when so many lives were lost, the good ones die so that someone as underserving as her can sit by a nice fireplace and pretend she belongs. She watches the flame burn brighter, occasionally feeding more firewood, stirring the pile. Each flicker and crack sends her to a different memory, flashes of those she’s killed appearing before her, she’s shaking despite the heat.

They find her staring out the open window, unable to hear their calls, too absorbed in her own thoughts. She barely takes notice of another layer of blanket being draped over her shoulder, the sound of the window shutting, the feeling of being wrapped up in a warm embrace. Lost in her grief floating farther and farther away from the rest of the world, she thought she would be able to cope better given all that she’s been through. Loss is not a foreign concept, a feeling she’s all too familiar with since the day she became aware of the evils surrounding her.

Snow continues to fall, even more so now that it’s December. She decided to stay in the log cabin even long after the camping trip concluded, she’s used to the solitude. The past still haunts her, keeping her down with its sharp claws and a heavy weight in her heart. Memories of all the bad times run through her mind, a vicious cycle without an end in sight; she no longer sleeps, but the nightmares appear even in the daylight. She’s just so tired, she needs a break, just a brief moment to pause.

The cold air is almost welcoming, greeting her cheeks and gloveless hands, at least she knows she can still feel something. She doesn’t venture far, ill prepared for the harsh weather, barefoot on the cold stone steps, one false move and she could slip from the ice. The path ends far too quickly for her liking, she entertains the thought of venturing further, go off into the woods and disappear never to be seen again. It would be easy to leave everything behind, join her dead family in the afterlife, the endless waves of grief would finally vanish. There’s no one left on the earth to mourn Miyano Shiho, she would be doing the world a favor.

Shiho

She turns at the sound of her name, but there is no one around. She’s certain it’s his voice, except that doesn’t make sense, he’s never once referred to her as Miyano— let alone Shiho. All at once the floodgates open, memories of their time together flash before her eyes. Every secret they whisper in the night, his easy smile while she’s being cynical, his blue eyes drowning her very soul from their piercing intensity, his promise that he would keep her safe, his warm embrace a month ago in the cabin she still cannot bring herself to leave. A rush of emotions screaming at her to go home, she needs to go back to him. Fight or flight: return to her shelter or enter the woods without an exit plan. Her breathing is getting labored, the longer she stands out here without any protection, the closer to her original goal. She can still hear the angry ghosts inside her mind taunting her, she shuts her eyes, it’s now or never. She takes a step forward.

He’s too late, he can feel it in his bones, he should have insisted on staying with her. She practically shoved him out the door, begging for some alone time, but sometimes quiet is violent. A few days in solitude is enough to drive anyone mad, a few weeks… he doesn’t even want to think about how she’s coping, if at all. He can’t sit here waiting any longer, she was due back hours ago, the fact that she isn’t here… Shaking the bad thoughts away, he heads for the door, if he has to drag her back here himself he’s going to do it. He opens the front door to find her standing there, unsure if she should go inside, he wraps her into his arms. Her tense posture eases melting into his embrace.

“Hi.”

He laughs, “hi, welcome home Shiho.”

The sound of their footsteps echo in the large empty house, a different type of solitude, comforting. The anxiety in his mind quiets now that she is at his side, where she belongs. He makes her favorite tea to help warm her up, she smiles thanking him. The atmosphere turns serious when she sets down her cup, he can see her inner turmoil as she debates whether or not she should even tell him. He won’t push her, if she wants to tell him, then she will. He does not make any advances keeping a small gap between them, the choice is up to her, he simply waits for her decision. She avoids eye contact at first, afraid of his judgment.

“... I almost didn’t come home.”

“... what changed your mind?”

“You.”

She meets his gaze, softening when she admits he saved her life again, even without being physically present. He reaches for her then, intertwining their hands together, placing a light kiss upon her knuckles. In the month since she’s been gone, he’s dreamt of her every night, nightmares plaguing his subconscious. He could not control the impulse to check on her, periodically turning up outside the cabin to make sure she’s still there. Hiding outside in case she catches a glimpse of him, he promised to leave her alone, but knowing her suicidal tendencies made it impossible for him to stay away.

“I guess it’s my turn to make a confession, I may have visited a few times while you were up in the mountains.”

“A few times?”

“Okay, more than a few times.”

“... I never noticed…”

“I didn’t want to set you off, you didn’t want to be disturbed.”

“Thank you for trusting me and giving me space.”

He expected her to be upset, maybe even angry at him for breaking his vow, but if anything she seems relieved. The knowledge that he still has her best interest at heart only further confirms she made the correct decision. She pulls him in for a hug, a noise of content escapes her lips, he smiles.

“I’m not any better… I don’t know if I’ll ever be…”

“I miss them too…”

He squeezes her harder, he doesn’t say the words out loud, but she hears him anyway. He too mourns their fallen allies, but he’s a selfish man, he made the call. The choice to save one person, and though she tried to convince him that it was already too late, he wouldn’t leave her behind. They barely escaped the collapsing building, she was delirious from the loss of blood, hanging on by a thread. He swears his heart stopped when she closed her eyes.

“Kudo?”

“I don’t regret it. If I had to do it all over again, I would still choose you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, it’s on me.”

She shakes her head, withdrawing so that they are face to face, she takes both of his hands to examine. Running her thumb across his palms, feeling the callouses from years of playing the violin. She places his hands down gently.

“Your hands are not stained with blood, it just isn’t befitting for someone like you.”

“You shouldn’t have to carry the burden either.”

“Maybe not, but it’s all I have in this world.”

“You have me.”

His hands find hers again, placing it over his beating heart. Proof that as long as he’s still breathing, she has a place to call home. Used to a life of misfortune, is it possible to hope for something more, from the only person left who carries pieces of her shattered soul.

“The pain will pass, all you have to do is take my hand. I promised to protect you, forever if you’ll let me.”

“Forever’s a long time, are you sure you can handle it?”

“When have you ever seen me back down from a challenge?”

“So being with me is a challenge?”

“... that’s not what I meant!”

She laughs at his childish outburst, a glimpse of her past self. This is progress, he just needs to keep reminding her she deserves to be happy. Even if she doesn’t believe it.

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[letstrywritingmaybe]

Happiness

No one teaches you what to do

When a good man hurts you

And you know you hurt him too

Leave it all behind

And there is happiness

Sounds of seagulls squawking can be heard over the ocean waves crashing on the rocks just pass the barrier from the beach. Deep blue seas with the yellow hues of the sun paints the perfect picture for a portrait any artist would jump at the chance to capture on canvas. A beautiful day, with almost no tourists around to ruin it, just a few souls lingering for some peace. A woman with brownish red hair sits on a beach towel under an umbrella facing the magnificent view. Hidden under the shade and large sunglasses she clutches the fabric of her white sundress as she loses herself in her thoughts. Finally in an area secluded enough to give her some space to make up her mind, to assess the damage done on her already battered heart. She mentally takes a step back to replay the past seven years, viewing it as an audience member simply watching a film reel of highlights.

She pulls him along down the hallway to the third door on the left, an empty apartment that used to be so full of life. The one place she could find solace in, her sister made the space a home, her caring nature warming her ice cold heart. All the furniture and their belongings are gone now, as if they never existed, in a way it’s best to believe this to be true. She may have reclaimed the name Miyano Shiho, but it still feels foreign to introduce herself as such, survivor’s guilt they called it.

“You had a nice view of the city here.”

“It was loud... and noisy most nights, but it didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would.”

Tears welled up in her eyes though she tried to force them to dissipate through sheer willpower, Shinichi is there to catch the ones rolling down her face, a moment of weakness and he’s the one by her side. He wipes away the stray tears, no judgment in his expression, a look of tenderness and understanding appears instead. He replaces the fresh tear marks with a gentle kiss upon both her cheeks, the ghost of his lips is sealed away in her memories in case this act of kindness is only a fluke. She kept her heart locked up in chains, yet he managed to get through to every barrier leaving her vulnerable, he was supposed to treat the fragile organ with care— the sound of the remaining pieces shattering still echoes in her mind.

She closes her eyes, taking in a deep breath, listening to the waves meeting the shore time and time again. It hurts more than anything she’s ever experienced, but she would get through this. He may have given her the most happiness she’s ever felt in the world, but there has to be more joy left to be discovered. Easy to say, but so hard to follow through with.

Every smile was aimed directly at her heart, camouflaged as genuine attraction when it couldn’t be further from the truth. For someone whose entire career revolves around finding the truth, he sure knew how to hide them from her. Perhaps she deserves it, she always knew she couldn’t live up to his Angel, they were made for each other. He may have been proposing to her, giving her his mother’s ring as a symbol of his love, but it was all a facade to ensure his former flame would grow jealous and beg for his return. She never should have fallen for it, some things are just too good to be true.

It’s been months since he’s last seen his missing fiancé, the only thing she left for him was the ring and a letter asking him not to go looking for her. She took everything else with her, his heart included. He never thought he could experience happiness again after the ordeal with the Black Organization and losing almost all of their allies. He’s never suffered a defeat quite as bitter, lives aren’t meant to be traded or bargained for, he couldn’t save any of them. Miraculously the person most important to him survived and he did as well, though they’re both a little broken, he had faith their love would help them pull through. Then she vanished without a trace, his rationality went out the window along with his sanity, she was the only one who could bring him happiness yet she took it away the first chance she got.

Midnight blue, the color of her dress, a vision forever etched into his mind. Telling himself to remember this moment, the look in her eyes, a ghost of her smile she keeps trying to hide, staying up until sunrise to see the contrast of the deep sapphire satin against the warm glow of the morning sun greeting them with a soft hello. Pure bliss, feeling so happy he thought he would burst and discover this was just a mere mirage of his deepest desires. One where she’s surprised to see him on his knees for her in a bid to get her to say yes to his proposal, the joy in her voice when she accepts has him on his knees again to celebrate their union.

Seven years of heaven, seven years they should have already been married for, but work obligations kept getting in the way. Though she would pretend it didn’t bother her, just a piece of paper was what she would say, he knew he had to make things right. The pressure of having the perfect ceremony at the perfect time, with all of their remaining loved ones present was tearing her apart. Too many unknowns with fear of their horrendous luck being responsible for more deaths to come as the bodies started to pile up. Only a handful of their closest circles are still in contact, the rest have joined the others in another plane of existence never to be reached until their time on earth has ended. He feels his hands shaking as he grips the bars on the train tighter, his thoughts are overwhelming him again, he needs to keep himself grounded— if only she were here to make it easier.

When he wakes, he’s in her arms, still shaking but she holds him close to her body. He hears the sound of her heart beating, feels her hands rubbing his back, all proof she’s alive and with him. Everything is alright, it was just a nightmare, they’re safe. Every night she watched him fall apart, unable to help quiet his demons haunting him over and over, only able to wash away his tremors keeping the agonizing traumas at bay. He’s still hurting even after all this time, he can’t be there to help her through her own battles much as he tries. It’s not enough, he’s not enough, but he needs her to stay.

“Shiho…”

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here.”

She places a soft kiss on his forehead hoping it would help lull him to sleep after settling down from the bad dreams. It works, his eyes grow heavy, drained from a long day and too many sleepless nights. Just before the slumber takes over, he feels her tears fall, landing on his pillow though a single drop hits the spot where her lips met his skin. It’s too late, he was already asleep, he couldn’t have known this would be the last time he would see her. By morning light, she was gone, leaving him cold and empty.

She tried so hard to be enough to heal him, to help him escape from the pain that he never should have experienced if not for meeting her. It was no use, he brought her happiness, but all she could give in return is sorrow. If only he had chosen to stick by Ran, then maybe he would be a better man, one without worry that darkness is around every corner ready to take away the happily ever after he deserved. She hopes he can forgive her for failing him time and time again, if only she wasn’t Miyano Shiho, perhaps it’s time to leave this identity for a new one. Become someone who could be the warmth he seeks every night, give him the hope and will to look forward to a brighter tomorrow. She could do that right? Give him the happiness she used to be able to provide for him.

“Shiho.”

She doesn’t respond to her name, his breath is caught at his throat from relief that he’s finally found her. Sitting under the umbrella even though the moon was now high above the sky, shivering slightly from the cold, he kneels before her taking off her sunglasses then placing his hands over hers. She blinks staring into his deep blue eyes, reacts to his touch, jumping from the unexpected contact. She wasn’t aware of his presence, still wrapped in her own grief that she kept bottled inside afraid to give him even more worries when he was falling apart alongside her.

“Shinichi…”

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here.”

He echos the last words she said to him, tears in his eyes, tears that she automatically reaches to wipe away. Her hand now on his left cheek, his hand holding onto hers, keeping them both still as they assess the damage. Is there anyway to repair this mess, or should they give up and free themselves once and for all? As soon as the thought entered her mind she pushed it away, no, the fact that he’s even here right now means he’s made his choice. He’s sticking by his promise to protect her, to love and cherish her, even if she’s caused him the greatest grief he’s ever suffered. There’s no one else he would rather have by his side, no one else would do.

“You’re sure… even though all I’ve done is bring you pain?”

She can’t help but question him, there’s no turning back this time around, she can only sacrifice herself so many times before she gets tired of it. She wants to be happy, it was never an option before, surviving was the only way until he gave her a glimpse at this emotion people spend their whole lives chasing after. A temporary high, but he’s promising eternal bliss by accepting her now.

“No, you’ve brought me back my happiness. Without you, there’s only pain.”

His words ring true, always have been true, her own disillusions clouded her judgment. She would’ve loved him for a lifetime, now it’s time to prove it. He must have had the same idea, since he produces the ring she left behind to put it back where it belongs. He places a kiss on the back of her hand, in the morning when the sun rises again, they would elope. No more second guessing, waiting for the perfect opportunity. It’s time to start living their happily ever after together.

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[letstrywritingmaybe]

Marjorie

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, so alive

If I didn't know better

I'd think you were still around

I know better

But I still feel you all around

Photo album on the counter left open with hand written letters scattered around, endless memories to sort through, a task that should have been finished days ago if one could set aside their emotions. Each time the auburn haired woman tries to sort through the belongings of the one man who loved her with all his heart, grief would consume her leaving tears in their wake as she struggles to breath. Waves of sorrow crashing over and over until the weight of despair is too much to bear. An unconditional love without asking for any in return, accepting her flaws and loving her as his own flesh and blood. She’s known loss all her life: still mourning the parents she never got the chance to know and the sister who gave up her life for a chance at a better future for an undeserving girl kept in the dark.

She takes in a deep breath trying to stifle the hiccups from crying too hard. There isn’t a time limit for how long one should take to get over the death of someone important, all his personal affairs have been taken care of, the funeral already arranged ahead of time as he knew the day would come when he would have to leave his little girl behind. All she needed to do is pick out a few photos for the video that would be played in the background while they pay their last respects. She can’t even keep herself together long enough to do this for him. She wipes away the remaining tears, venturing to the kitchen counter once more to finish selecting the photos.

“Shiho.”

The sight of her one remaining pillar, fresh tear marks still visible from his own grief breaks her, bringing her down to her knees. The sobs she tried so hard to stifle escapes, crumbling what’s left of the walls she put up to appear brave. His arms are around her, she clutches his shirt wrinkling it in the process as she holds on for dear life. His whispers of I’m sorry only shatters her more, she’s never felt more alone since before their destined meeting. Losing her anchor while the man who promised to remain by her side was away was too much to handle on her own. She’s merely existed these last thirteen days, barely leaving her bedroom consumed by the pain of never seeing her father’s smile again.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”

He rubs her back, holding her close, slowly calming her from her breakdown. Her grip loosens, the sound of his heartbeat keeping her safe, he’s here now and that’s all that matters. She can’t fault him for being away, no one expected Agasa’s passing, at least it was in his sleep without any suffering.

“I’m sorry, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take you back to bed.”

She shakes her head, she needs to complete the task, it’s been put off far too long. Maybe it’ll be easier now that she’s not alone, she has someone to share the memories with, to look back on the good times. His hands keep her steady as they both walk over towards the scattered photo albums. He sits by her side, eyes prickled with tears himself as they sift through the pictures. His touch keeps her focused, reminiscing over their past, remembering the impact the professor had in both of their lives.

She picks up an image of when they were still stuck as Conan and Ai, a rare moment of bliss reflecting on all three of their faces, without any worry for the darkness haunting them around the corner. As soon as the thought enters her mind, she swears she can hear his laughter telling her everything would be okay. She wholeheartedly expects to meet his kind eyes, but he’s not there to tell her this is just one of her nightmares.

“I think we should include this one. Everyone knows the truth now anyways. Besides, you’re actually smiling.”

His attempt to get a reaction does manage to put a small smile on her face, but it’s short lived. The pain in her heart isn’t quite ready to heal, she feels heavy forcing herself to stay awake. His hand is upon her cheek, worry in his eyes, asking if she wants to take a break. Resting is the last thing on her mind, all she wants is to get through this one simple project she should’ve been done with before his return.

“Shiho, we can finish this tomorrow, it’s okay.”

“No, I’m fine… it’s just…”

He waits for her to continue, he can’t imagine how much worse this makes her feel. When he heard the news, he couldn’t believe it, he may have been old but he was so alive. His health problems were kept in check by his wife and Shiho, he even managed to lose the extra weight he had been working so hard to get rid of. There’s no explanation in his passing, no signs of foul play, just time running its course taking another into a different realm of existence.

“I probably sound crazy… I know it’s not possible but… I swear I can still feel his presence… hear his voice telling me that it's okay, I shouldn’t be crying… listening to me when I can’t contain myself begging him to tell me this isn’t real… sometimes I expect to see him, but he’s not here… it’s all in my head… I just miss him so much Shinichi… how am I supposed to go on?”

“You still have me. We made a vow to each other, we can get through this. I miss him too, but he wouldn’t want to see you like this. Your name isn’t Ai anymore, don’t let sorrow consume you.”

“Did you know he wanted it to mean love? I was the one who thought it didn’t suit me… but then he gave me a home… made me believe that someone could still love me even after all the shitty things I did…”

“He’s not the only one who loves you.”

He kisses the back of her left hand, his thumb running over the band on her ring finger. She stares into his ocean blue eyes she loves so much, they’ve endured the worst together, she knows they can get through this as well. She doesn’t know what she would do if she lost him too, she can’t even entertain the thought.

“Shiho.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, more than anything.”

He wakes with her in his arms, still asleep peacefully, he knows she hasn’t had a restful night since she found out about her adopted father’s passing. If only he hadn’t been away on a case overseas, he could’ve stayed by her side and ease some of the burden she put upon herself. He called every single day to check on her, barred from entering due to an issue with his visa, it was all he could do to keep her company. He knew it wasn’t enough, saw her break more and more with each passing day.

She stirs awake, a small smile on her face, she’s breathtakingly beautiful despite too many nights without any sleep. After thirteen years since their first encounter, he's only ever seen her this devastated one other time, when he learned the truth about her sister. There’s only so many times a heart can break, mending it for the second time will be a challenge, but he won’t allow her to fall off the deep end.

“Morning Mrs. Kudo.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of saying that first thing in the morning?”

“Do you get tired of hearing it?”

“Hm…”

“Too bad, you’re mine, you should’ve thought it through before you said ‘I do’ five years ago.”

“That’s what I get for listening to him… now I’m stuck with you…”

Her voice turns quiet, trailing off before completing the sentence. He knows what memory she’s thinking of, he remembers asking Agasa for his blessing, the pure joy radiating from within before he could even get all the words out. Tears well in her eyes with regret flooding over, he pulls her closer offering the comfort she desperately needs. He listens intently, soothing her wild thoughts, reassuring her that she was the best thing to ever come into her adopted father’s life.

“I’ve never seen him smile as much as he did on our wedding day…”

“You’re his daughter, in every sense of the word, of course he was happy to see you get married. Plus he knew he would be gaining the son in law he’s always wanted.”

“You’re too full of yourself, you know that?”

“But you love me anyways.”

“... he would’ve been so much happier…”

“Shiho, he had his hands full taking care of us when we were in our shrunken forms. It’s better that he didn’t have to worry about another little one especially as he was getting older.”

“You’re right… I’m sorry, I know we talked about this… I just can’t get this image of how happy he would’ve been if I could have given him a grandchild.”

“He’s had to play the role of father and grandfather the entire time he was with us. Sure he would’ve loved them, but I bet a part of him was relieved he didn’t have to take care of anymore kids.”

“I asked him once, and he said the same thing. I never believed him though.”

“You should have, he was a terrible liar.”

She nods her head in agreement, the atmosphere around them feels lighter, she’s far from being okay but he knows she’s getting there. Bottling her emotions hasn’t been helping, at least now she’s free to talk about her memories without holding back her tears. He’s here to help steer her back, catching each teardrop as it rolls down her face. Even though he’s still hurting too, being by her side eases the pain, they have each other to lean on.

A trip to the grocery store takes a toll on Shiho, still she powers through only spacing out twice before completing the errand. He watches her keep her composure, the brisk autumn air with a chilling breeze forcing her to keep her head low, he wraps a scarf around her providing an extra layer of protection. She clutches the fabric closer, huddling into the warmth, it was one of the last presents she received from her father.

“I want to make his favorite tonight.”

“His actual favorite, or the one you deemed better for him?”

She ignores his ridiculous question, an attempt to see her smile, or at least bring back their halfhearted banter. Normally she would just roll her eyes, giving him an are you serious look, but she decides to stroll around gathering the necessary ingredients instead. They get through the shopping journey without much hassle, though on the way home she remains quiet gazing out the window. He squeezes her hand gaining her attention, he keeps his eyes on the road.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Trying to bring back some normalcy.”

He squeezes her hand once more, he would never let her go as long as she still needs him. He hates to see her so defeated, but he knows she can overcome it in due time. He’ll be with her every step of the way.

“I want to finish sorting through the albums after dinner.”

“You sure? We already picked out all the photos.”

“We did, but it’s been ages since I looked through them. I still have some of his letters, I wish I had more things to remember him by.”

“Me too.”

“I’m grateful he was the one to find me on the street that day. My story would have ended if he didn’t rescue me.”

“You brought just as much joy into his story too.”

She doesn’t reply, they both know it’s the truth, she unintentionally brought more meaning into their lives. Sometimes a bit too exciting, but that’s the beauty of living, you never know what life is going to throw at you. He lived a fulfilling life, so to honor his memory, they need to continue their own story too.

Also available on ao3 <3

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Cowboy Like Me

And the skeletons in both our closets

Plotted hard to fuck this up

Now you hang from my lips

Like the Gardens of Babylon

With your boots beneath my bed

Forever is the sweetest con

Dark study with endless row of bookcases line the walls. Knowledge is power, to seek the truth is the only way to satisfy a curious mind. This is how the morally grey detective grew up, perhaps if he lived in a different country or even city, he wouldn’t be so cynical. Life in New York City with absent parents, who later on abandoned him for their home country he’s never been to, made him this way. Forced to fend for himself, equipped with keen observation skills, he makes a name for himself as a private eye of sorts. Except he has his own agenda with money as a big motivator, he’s lost count of the number of people he’s swindled after refusing to pay his service fee.

Edogawa Conan strikes again! Leaving the city of Chicago in chaos after revealing the identity of the leader of the Ursidaes. He’s skipped town after taking nearly a quarter of their fortunes, the gang is vowing revenge and offering a hefty reward for anyone who has information on his whereabouts!

No one’s caught sight of the Detective since his close brush with law enforcement back in Tulsa. He’s been reportedly spotted in Miami just a few days ago, but the trail’s gone cold once again.

Another case solved by the Sherlock Holmes of our time! This time he leaves without any rewards, law enforcement nearly caught him in Pittsburgh! At least all those missing children are now back with their families. Just who exactly is this mysterious good doer? Can he even be considered good?

A series of bodies have been dumped in the Colorado River, the culprit was caught and found tied up outside the police station, though he claims his innocence. No word on who found the deranged killer, but all signs point to the Detective.

A victim set ablaze in the Phoenix heat with no identification yet, but she may very well be the missing Heiress who just lost out on her numerous fortune. Eyewitnesses say she has been getting close with the infamous Edogawa Conan.

No one knows the real name of the case solver, he’s swindled millions of dollars and has gone into hiding. The world may never learn who the mysterious man is.

Hundreds of newspaper articles have been published throughout the nation in a bid to discover his true identity. He really should’ve been found out by now, but his clients have stayed loyal after receiving his help, though not without a price. He should be more careful, the thrill of adventure calls out to him, he doesn’t think he’ll ever grow tired of this high. He has his whole life ahead of him, why would he ever want to quit?

Another man murdered, this time in Sin City, there’s seemingly no traces of foul play but the police are convinced it’s the work of the Mad Scientist. There’s no name or description as of yet, though Metro is working tirelessly to link the similar cases throughout the valley.

A rare sighting of the ever elusive Lady in Black here in Cincinnati! No harm has been done as she may have just been passing through.

We have a name! The mysterious woman spared an abuse victim after murdering the spouse! She calls herself Haibara Ai, last spotted at midnight in Boston!

Haibara Ai strikes again, but is she trying to steer back to the right path? The Black Organization has been revealed to be behind a long list of schemes from fraud to even murder! The files were sealed in an envelope and delivered straight to the police department.

No sign of Haibara Ai, could she been laying low after single handedly destroying the organization that made her? It’s been years since the last reported sighting near Nashville, no one’s heard from her since.

This wouldn’t do, a highly successful bandit decides to retire from the game. Normally he couldn’t care less, but there’s something about this woman that he can’t quite let go off, and they haven’t even met. She’s the only person that could ever compete with him in terms of making headlines and making bodies appear out of nowhere. Time to put his detective skill to the test, he’s determined to meet her. Maybe he can convince her to join forces and rule the night together, if not at least it’ll be a fun game with a willing player.

The trail goes cold on the outskirts of New York City, with no other new leads, he decides to leave the countryside back towards his old home. The lively country club is the same as ever with drunk millionaires enjoying the night without any regard for those less fortunate. Not that he should be judging, he’s done his fair share of bad deeds. Shinichi ventures into the bar, chooses the seat furthest from the crowd facing the entrance. It’s there that he sees someone who manages to catch his eye, she’s absolutely stunning, but there’s almost a strange pull forcing him towards her. She doesn’t pay him any mind though he knows she must feel his stare, she doesn’t even meet his gaze. Somehow that makes her even more intriguing, she orders a single shot of whiskey, downs it then leaves. He follows her outside to the courtyard where there’s some event going on. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, but there’s something special about the strawberry blonde woman in the black jumpsuit.

Coming back from the dead is a rare feat that few have achieved, unfortunately for her scornful ex lover, he has no idea who he married. What a shame their marriage didn’t last, she really was trying to settle into a normal life, but he couldn’t keep his promise and tried to kill her. Now all she wants is revenge, she has no interest in finding a new victim, but the way the blue eyed stranger keeps looking at her is making it hard to focus on formulating a plan. She is certain she’s never met him before, but there’s just something about him that she can’t get out of her mind. She isn’t surprised to see that he followed her, but she wasn’t expecting him to make a move so soon.

“Care to dance?”

“Dancing is a dangerous game.”

“I’m willing to take that risk.”

He has a charming smile with a handsome face, she’ll give him that, but there’s a mischievous glint hidden in his eyes that she sees through immediately. His entire aura screams danger and recklessness, but when has she ever shied away from warning signs? She places her hand in his and allows him to pull her to the dance floor.

Not even a month has passed and she’s putty in his hands, still she doesn’t stray from her original goal of dealing with her soon to be dead ex husband. She wonders if he could accept her knowing who she truly is, they haven’t shared much of their past, but she also hasn’t told him a single lie. Honesty is the best policy, what a load of bullshit, still she can’t find it in herself to build their relationship based on deceit. He knows her true name, something only a handful of people close to her heart know, could he truly be the one?

The sound of her phone ringing snaps her back to reality as she sits alone at the airport bar waiting for her boyfriend to be back from a business trip. Normally she’s the one leaving people waiting, how odd to be the one yearning for someone’s return. She smiles seeing his name flash on the screen, right on time, he continues to keep his word, right down to when he would call her.

“Just got off the plane, see you soon.”

“Take your time, I still haven’t gotten my drink yet.”

“I was worried you would be drinking alone again.”

“I haven’t had the chance since we met.”

“Good... I missed you, did you miss me too?”

“You didn’t give me a chance to miss you.”

The tap on her shoulder is all the proof she needs that he’s right behind her. He must have sprinted off as soon as the plane landed. She turns to face him as he takes his seat next to her, the bartender arrives with both of their drinks that she ordered knowing he would make it on time. Her faith in him is a bit daunting considering they’ve only just met and started dating.

“So, what is it that you wanted to tell me in person Shiho?”

“Hm? Oh, that. It’s nothing really, but I was thinking of visiting a small town I used to live in. I’ll be gone for a few weeks, a month tops.”

“Taking a break from the city isn’t a bad idea. I’ll go with you.”

“Who said you were invited?”

“You don’t want me to go?”

“It’s probably better if you don’t go.”

“If you’re meeting up with an ex then I’m definitely going. It’s settled, I’m already packed anyways.”

“Who said anything about an ex?”

“Why else would you insist I stay behind?”

“Maybe I met someone new.”

“Impossible, there’s no way you would meet someone new that could compare to me.”

“But you think I would go back to an ex instead?”

“The only thing I might not be able to compete with is history, it’s hard to forget an old flame.”

“Remind me to never ask you about yours.”

“There isn’t one. You’re the only one I’ve ever been interested in.”

“You’re lying. I can hear all the ladies talking about you when you walk by.”

“Sure I’ve had my flings, who hasn’t? You’re one to talk, I still get death glares from people I’ve never seen before.”

“That’s probably just from your own bad luck, it has nothing to do with me.”

“It has everything to do with you. It’s always been about you.”

She still isn’t used to his bold declaration even after agreeing to go steady. She can see why all those women fell for him, it’s hard not to when he goes around saying things like that. Even if he claims he’s never said them to anyone else.

Her plan goes off without a hitch. Vengeance is as sweet as she remembers it to be, and this time without the bitter aftertaste. To be fair, her lover choosing to stay, even after discovering her darkest secrets, may have something to do with it. She never imagined she would meet someone as cursed as she is, weaving lies with hidden agendas to survive each day. The future doesn’t seem so bleak now that she has someone to spend it with, a lifelong companion for better or for worse. He hasn’t exactly asked the question yet, but she knows her answer if he ever does. She watches as he rouses from his sleep, blinking away the last of the sandman’s dust. He smiles at her, as he does every morning when they wake up together.

“Morning, how long have you been awake?”

“Not too long, just a few minutes before you woke up.”

She doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of waking up next to him, not that she’ll ever admit this to him. She’s sure he already knows, given how sure of himself he is. It’s strange to not have to immediately rush off to the next con and get to lay around in bed, it’s been a few weeks and she still isn’t quite used to it. Retirement is nearly impossible in their profession, the only way out is death, yet here they are living comfortably in pure bliss. This wouldn’t be possible if they never found each other.

“What do you want to do today Shiho?”

“I don’t know yet, surprise me.”

“Most people don’t like my surprises.”

“I’m not most people.”

“I know, it’s why I love you.”

“I love you too Shinichi.”

All those years spent thousands of miles apart and somehow they managed to meet at just the right time. It’s hard to find like minded folks who won’t stab you in the back. The biggest risk they ever took in their lives is choosing each other, forever is the sweetest con indeed.

Also available on ao3 <3

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Dorothea

But are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers? Well

Ooh, I guess I'll never know

Ooh, and you'll go on with the show

But it's never too late to come back to my side

The stars in your eyes shined brighter in Tupelo

A gust of wind breezes over the tall field of dried grass, once so full of life, now dying from thirst with the drought that has been upon the town for months— soon to be a year now. Still everyday life must go on as the detective continues solving his cases, including one with a body in the middle of a formerly lush green field. Autumn is just approaching, it’s been nine long months since the last time he saw her in person. His mind is playing tricks on him as he imagines her soft floral scent drift through the wind as he finishes up with the crime scene. A part of him wishes the murderer made things more difficult, so more of his time would be invested in finding the truth, now he has free range to think about the one person he misses most in this world. As he drives home, he wonders if she ever stopped and paused in her busy life to remember the memories they shared.

A rare day without any disturbances to interrupt their time with the kids, he looks over to see her reading on the only park bench covered under the shade of the tree. They just finished their soccer game and now the children wanted to run around the playground, something he has no interest in though he should as he’s supposed to be a seven year old. Instead, his attention is solely on his partner who makes no effort in pretending to enjoy such childish activities. It’s hard to say when his feelings for the tea colored hair girl changed, but the butterflies roaming around in his stomach whenever he’s around her speaks volumes. He’s never felt this way before even with his first love, he tries to push the thoughts away as he walks over to sit next to the girl who completely changed his life.

“The sun’s setting soon, we should tell the kids to go home.”

“I had the same thought.”

“Besides, the longer we stay, the more likely we’ll end up finding trouble, Mr. Corpse Magnet.”

“Oi, we don’t find one everyday… we can have peaceful days too.”

“With you around? Not a chance.��

“Is that what you want Haibara? A nice quiet life?”

She stops reading the magazine in her hands, shutting it to put into her bag, buying some time as she decides whether or not to answer his question honestly. He waits patiently for her reply, she’s the one mystery he can never seem to solve, no matter how badly he wants to understand her. She always manages to throw a curveball keeping him guessing.

“I can’t imagine ever living a nice quiet life in a town like this.”

“But is it what you want?”

“What I want and what I need are two different things Kudo. It’s getting late, I’ll go get the kids.”

The first thing he sees when he turns on the television is her face, a rerun of an interview she did last week to talk about the nonprofit organization she’s been working at for the past three years. She doesn’t care for the attention, but she realizes the importance of getting the name out there to help make a difference in the world. He smiles at the screen, she would’ve thrown a huge fuss over his overexposure just eight years ago when the Black Organization was still at large. Funny how things change as she’s no longer afraid of the limelight as long as it’s for the right reasons.

It’s honestly pathetic that he can’t even bring himself to call her and ask how she’s doing, he knows it hurts her just as much as it hurts him everytime he reaches out. Her persona in front of the interviewer is so vastly different than the woman he grew together with, yet she seems so at ease with her brand new friends and fancy British accent that still comes out when she speaks English, while he’s stayed the same still living in Beika hoping she’ll return to her true home one day.

“I’m really happy to see you home for the holidays. I wasn’t sure if you would even want to come back.”

“I probably should have visited more...”

“It’s not too late to make up for it...”

“Oh? And how do you propose I make up for it?”

“I have a few ideas.”

He leans in to kiss her, he would never get tired of kissing her, especially with their time being limited. She melts into his embrace smiling as he peppers kisses all over her face before trailing them down her neck. She teases him saying she would be sure to give everyone the same number of kisses he was giving her now, he stops, frowning at her joke. He didn’t like the idea of sharing her with anyone, even if it was with their loved ones.

“Kidding, I’m yours, only yours.”

“You didn’t meet anyone else out there? Someone else to keep you company…”

To keep you away from me, were the words he didn’t say, but she knew it was what he meant. She reassures him, again telling him he’s the only one that holds her heart. He believes her, but it still stings to know that even though she loves him, she doesn’t love him enough to stay.

When he enters his bedroom, the first thing he notices as always is his shirt with the missing buttons she wore before she left town and half of his heart. It’s been three long years and he still hasn’t gotten around to sewing the buttons back on, he used to have her to rely on even though he was definitely capable of fixing it himself. He forgot to ask her to do it when she was home for the holidays, now it’s still draped over his chair with the buttons sitting on top of his nightstand. He stares at it for a pause longer than normal, this time instead of leaving it, he decides to finally reattach the missing pieces.

Seven buttons to put back in its place, not including the spare he kept just in case one went missing, he takes his time to make sure it’s perfect. Almost an hour passes before he’s able to complete the task, mostly due to his train of thought drifting towards his favorite auburn haired beauty. He remembers every detail of that night, keeps all of their memories together locked in his heart to cherish until she decides to return again.

One more night and then she would be gone for who knows how long, he needed to make the most of it. Though there was a sad gleam in her eyes she still tried to smile for their sake, turn this into a happy memory without any regrets. She’s a stunner, always has been, forever mesmerized by her very essence; severing their bond is inconceivable at this point even if it would give him the chance to find another. Why go searching for someone else when his heart is already whole. There’s a hesitance in her steps as she walks further into his room, she’s been here countless times before, but this was different. He was so focused on her actions and expressions, he didn’t take note of what she was wearing until she was right in front of him. All his long hours spent preparing this grand speech to convey his feelings for her flew away, much like the buttons off his shirt that she was no longer wearing.

The season of change once more as autumn greets winter with the last of the bright colorful leaves falling off to leave the trees bare until spring appears again. A case in Osaka sends him away for a full week before he can return to his hometown, he makes it back in time to find freshly coated snow covering his rooftop. When he walks in the smell of a fresh pine tree welcomes him inside, the professor must have picked it for him, but he still dares to hope as he makes a beeline for the living room. A single pine tree sits in the middle, with no decorations save for a lone mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, exactly as it was a year ago. He drops his duffel bag, a few more steps and he’s right under the festive piece reminiscing the night she spent with him.

“You’re home early.”

Three words, but from the right person it sent him into a frenzy, he turned immediately at the sound of her voice. This must be a dream, she isn’t due back for at least another week, but there she is walking towards him with a soft smile. She stops right before she reaches him, the final chance for him to push her away, he takes note of her appearance drinking her in. How could she ever think he would choose to shut her down, there’s just one thing missing, but luckily he knows exactly how to fix it. He closes the distance between them, his hand reaches for her collar trailing down to touch the missing button from her shirt.

“Figures this would be the first thing you notice.”

She teases him with a smile, something he’s missed dearly since her departure. He returns the smile then pulls her along upstairs to his bedroom. This wasn’t quite the reunion he envisioned, but all that matters is that she’s finally home.

“You fixed it.”

“I did, I can fix yours too. You can wear this while I patch up the missing button. It shouldn’t take too long.”

He averts his gaze as she changes into his shirt, he hears her chuckle, it wasn’t anything he hasn’t seen before but he wasn’t trying to make a move this time. She tells him to turn around when she’s finished, together they sit while he works on attaching his button onto the missing spot from her shirt. It’s quiet while she watches him intently, mere minutes have passed, but it felt like an eternity until he looks up to meet her eyes telling her it’s complete.

“Shinichi…”

His breath is once again caught at his throat at the sight of her and hearing his name on her lips. He waits for her to continue, it has to be her choice.

“Shinichi, I don’t want you to wait for me anymore.”

“Shiho…”

“Let me rephrase that, you don’t have to wait for me anymore.”

His eyes widen at the implications, could it be? They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, maybe there’s some truth to that. There’s a part of him that wonders if she came back to put an end to this, but he knows that isn’t it, she wouldn’t have called him by his name if that were the case.

“How long this time?”

“Forever, if you’ll…”

He cuts off her sentence with a kiss, he should’ve been more patient, afterall he waited this long but he couldn’t help it. Only a brief kiss, just a touch of his lips on hers, but when he pulls back she stops him forcing him to stay put.

“I love you Shinichi, I should’ve told you before I left… better late than never.”

“I love you too Shiho. I love you too.”

He takes his time to carefully unbutton every single button this time around. What a shame it would be to break something that was already mended.

Also available on ao3 <3

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Closure

Yes, I got your letter

Yes, I'm doing better

I know that it's over, I don't need your

Closure, your closure

A single page, double spaced, typed in Times New Roman font. The sincerely signed at the bottom does not bear a personal signature, clearly the sender has no intention of giving a heartfelt apology. Roughly five hundred words of bullshit to smooth over the pain of the last few months after establishing a bond that started four years ago, one that should still be prospering if not for her betrayal. The world is cruel, a lesson the dancer has been taught many times before, each event making her more distant and adamant on keeping to herself. Her only place of solace is on the stage, where she can shine and dance for all to appreciate her grace, pouring her emotions into every move hoping the audience can understand her sorrow. She gives a deep sigh, no use in wallowing in the past when she has a whole future ahead of her, she crumples up the offending piece of paper tossing it in the trash.

Half a year wasted, away from her studio, she thought she lost everything back then. The higher you soar, the worse the fall when you inevitably crash. No use in reminiscing over what could have been, it’s time to get back to work. Physical therapy paid off, she doesn’t feel any pain as she goes through the warm ups, her favorite song playing softly in the background. Muscle memory kicks in even though it’s been ages since she last danced this routine, the rest of the world disappears as she loses herself in a sacred paradise. It isn’t until she hears the sound of someone clapping that she realizes she isn’t alone, green eyes meet blue as a calming wave washes over her.

“Beautiful, it’s nice to see you dance again.”

“What are you doing here?”

“For a private show of course.”

He pulls her in his arms, placing a kiss on her forehead, she smiles as she halfheartedly hits his shoulder. The road to recovery would have taken longer and been more lonely without Shinichi by her side. Her anchor kept her grounded during the darkest time of her life, abandoned by her world and forced to disappear from the stage. He was the only one who stayed, keeping her afloat in a sea of nonbelievers in her ability to overcome a wicked scheme designed to crush her worth.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking about what happened.”

“She won’t get away with it. Her fans have already turned their backs on her after the footage was released.”

He holds her so tenderly, stroking her hair, but she can feel the quiet anger seething underneath. Any mention of her former friend still brings her pain, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth, she knows it’s the same for him. He may even hate the culprit more than she does, her pure knight corrupted because someone dared to harm her. She kisses his cheek, pushing herself away so that she can see him better, her heart swells at the sight of him. He only sees her, everything else fades into nothingness, she’s the center of his universe; no one else could ever come close to comparing.

“She wrote me a letter to apologize.”

“I bet she didn’t even write it herself, probably got her manager to type it up.”

“My thoughts exactly, but I’m so tired of hearing about her. I know I need to let it go… I just don’t know how to. I might never be over it, but I want to be.”

“Not everyone gets closure.”

“No, but I don’t even need that from her. I’m just ready to close the chapter and never speak of her again.”

“Then don’t, who are you even talking about?”

He placates her, kissing the top of her head. She seems to be the one exception to every rule, spoiling her, giving her no choice but to choose him over and over. It should scare her how much control she’s given him, but she knows it’s in safe hands, he would rather die than betray the love of his life.

“You are ruining me.”

“That makes us even, you ruined me first. I love you.”

“Love you too, always.”

He takes her home, fingers laced together, hovering near her even when she tries to shoo him away to make dinner. He’s an awful cook, but her best assistant, following every direction to a T. Sometimes she doesn’t even need to ask, he reads her well, presenting whatever it is she feels is missing just from an exchange of looks. Refilling her wine glass, fetching an extra blanket, changing the channel before she can even express her disdain, sitting in silence when she cannot bring herself to speak, showering her in affections even when she claims she doesn’t like the attention, let it be known that Kudo Shinichi is a big softie— but only for Miyano Shiho.

Thoughts of the letter haunt her, sleep eludes her, giving up she leaves the warm embrace of her lover’s arm for the comfort of scented candles and a nice cool glass of dark liquor. She has half a mind to pull the crumpled up piece of paper out the trash, the other half would rather see it torn to shreds. She sighs sipping her beverage, inhaling the sugary vanilla air with the lone light flickering in the dead of night. She hates that the dull ache in her heart remains, a hidden scar from the knief twisted in her back, one that can never heal no matter how much she pretends it no longer bothers her. She isn’t aware of the tears escaping her eyes until it rolls down her cheeks, wiping them away, she downs the rest of her drink then pours another. Sleep finally takes over once the bottle is completely drained.

He finds her fast asleep on the sofa at two in the morning when he wakes without her by his side. Taking in the scene before him, he knows she’s been self medicating with her favorite liquor willing the pain to go away. No doubt she’ll wake with regrets come morning light, the least he can do is pick her up and put her to bed. The ghost of her tears are still visible under the warm glow on her favorite scented candle, he blows it out before it causes a fire. She subconsciously curls closer to his body, hand gripping the front of his pajamas as he settles her down on the mattress. Brushing her hair out of her face, caressing her cheek as she leans into his touch, a noise of content as she stays in dreamland. He hopes she won’t be plagued with nightmares tonight, he’s in for another sleepless night watching over her.

He dozes off for a few hours rousing awake before she even stirs from her sleep, her hand is no longer clutching onto him. He forces himself to get up to prepare for the day, making breakfast and grabbing the aspirin for the headache she’s sure to experience. By the time he’s finished, he can hear the water running from their bathroom, he waits for her to make her appearance. Her hair is wet from the shower, eyes still puffy from a night of crying, but she flashes a weak smile when she sees him standing in the dining room.

“Morning.”

“Good morning, breakfast is ready if you think you can handle it.”

“Maybe just some toast.”

“Coffee?”

She scrunches her face, the thought seems to make her feel sick as she slides into the chair he pulled out for her. He’ll take that as a no then, instead he offers her some hot water along with a tea bag if she chooses to use it. She decides against it, carefully sipping the water, munching on the toast as he eats his own meal. They sit in silence, he leaves her be, having faith that she’ll tell him if she wants to. It’s nothing that he hasn’t seen before, her coping mechanism isn’t the best, but there are far worse alternatives.

“I’m thinking about auditioning for the national competition in a few months.”

“Really? You’ll do great, I’m happy for you!”

“Are you really? You always hated that I put dance above you.”

“Sure I complain, but it’s your passion, the same way that solving cases is my calling.”

“Speaking of, aren’t you going to be late? You do have a job to get to Kudo.”

“In a bit, it’s nothing urgent, I still have some time.”

“Nothing urgent? Do my ears deceive me? The great Kudo Shinichi, married to his work, isn't rushing off to the next crime scene!”

“Haha, very funny. Maybe if someone accepted my proposal, I wouldn’t have to be married to my work.”

“We both know that isn’t true. We’re both too dedicated to our careers.”

He reaches out to hold her hand, gaining her attention, a small smile appears. He really should’ve left already, but he lingers afraid that this is just the beginning of the spiral. She squeezes his hand back, a reassurance that she will be okay without him for a few hours, she’s used to being on her own. He kisses her knuckles as he prepares to leave, a flicker of something across her face, now it’s her turn to hold on. Barely above a whisper, but he doesn’t have to strain to hear her, just three little words.

“Ask me again.”

“Right now?”

His hand hovers over the chain on his neck, where the ring stays until her owner is ready to move forward with him. Though she teases him about it being an easily accessible place that he can’t forget about. Four years of trying, she blew him off each and every time, somehow he’s still willing to stand by her side.

“No, of course not. You need to leave and I still feel like shit.”

“You’re sure this time? Not that I’m counting… but I’ve asked thirteen times already…”

“Thirteen’s an unlucky number, I wouldn’t have said yes anyways.”

“How do you feel about the number fourteen?”

“Hm… it’s two 7’s, if we add another 7 then we could go to Vegas and elope.”

“You’re going to make me ask you eight more times… you’re sure you’ll say yes on the twenty first try?”

“... you would really ask me eight more times?”

“Yes, of course.”

He’s completely serious as he admits that yes, as he’s mentioned so many times before, she’s the only one he wants to marry and he’ll keep asking until she says yes. It does hurt his ego with every rejection, that is if she even manages to show up to their date, but she’s worth it. He knew from the start their relationship wouldn’t be easy, it took nearly ten years before he could convince her to be his, four years is nothing in comparison.

“I’m never getting rid of you am I?”

“Are you trying to? You’re not doing a very good job if you are.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“You left me stranded in the middle of Paris, pushed me off a boat, left me waiting at Grand Central during Christmas, and that’s not even counting our teenage years. Need I go on? Whatever it is, I can handle it, I still choose you.”

“I choose you too.”

A chaste kiss, just a light peck before she sends him off to work, it has him smiling the entire way there. Tonight, he would ask her again tonight, he’s almost certain no matter how he proposes she’ll say yes. There’s no need to dwell on the past when he’s promising her the future, she doesn’t need anything else. When he returns home, he finds her with dinner prepared and a bright smile; the trash is empty, what’s past is passed.

Also available on ao3 <3

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Cowboy Like Me

It took me way too long and I still wasn’t pleased, so here’s the first version. I’ll post the actual one on ao3 later. This is meant to be a follow up to No Body No Crime, or at least in the same verse.

Dark study with endless rows of bookcases leading to a lively bar is where the strawberry blonde caught the wannabe detective’s eye. She was minding her business, laying low as she came to terms with being left for dead by another scornful lover, though this time she vowed revenge. Life in the big city away from the small town life she grew used to takes some adjusting, but in due time she would slip back into her old ways again. She sighs, she really hoped this would’ve been the last time, but building a relationship based on lies leads to nowhere fast. Perhaps she’s better off on her own, afterall she’s never needed a counterpart to survive, but there’s something about the blue eyed man in the corner that she can’t keep out of her mind. He’s been watching her intently for the past eleven minutes, sick of this will he or won’t he approach her, she settles her tab only to find that it’s already been paid for. She doesn’t acknowledge the gentleman seated on the opposite side of the bar with a gleam in his eyes as he waits half a beat before following her outside of the country club.

She glances around to see these rich folks mingle without a care in the world as some pointless celebration is finished being set up. The tennis court is covered in some tent-like thing to give off the impression of a fun outdoor festival complete with sparkling fairy lights. She briefly wonders if she should enter the premise to find her next victim, but her pride won’t let her until she deals with her ex husband. Still she ventures into the venue to keep up appearances, it’s easy to pretend to be the life of the party when all eyes are naturally drawn to her anyways. The music starts as people partner up to dance, enjoy the good life without any problems to worry about. A tap on her shoulder and she’s face to face with the blue eyed stranger who finally decided to make a move.

“Care to dance?”

“Dancing is a dangerous game.”

“Isn’t life more thrilling with a little danger thrown in?”

“Depends on who you’re asking.”

“I’m asking you…”

“Miyano Shiho.”

She’s not sure what possessed her to give her real name instead of an alias. He smiles then leans down to place a kiss on her hand as he graces her with his name as well. Kudo Shinichi. She seems to be in a trance as she follows him to the dance floor though the other guests shoot daggers at the pair. Seems she isn’t the only one with fans.

That night leads to many more as they fall deeper into the abyss. There’s no escaping their chemistry, not that either of them would even dream of it. It’s ridiculous how love sick he’s made her as she waits by the phone at the airport bar for a call that may never come. Though as soon as the thought appeared in her mind, the ringing of the telephone proves her wrong yet again. He’s never once broken a promise to her, never even told her a single lie, and for once she hasn’t either.

They’re too similar, but also at opposite ends at the same time. It’s strange to think she may have finally found the one, someone to accept her for all her flaws and dark past. It isn’t until after they leave town with her ex husband’s money that she dares to believe this is real. He’s just as guilty as she is, just a couple of bandits trying to turn their life around.

Her reputation precedes her, Shinichi’s spend his entire life tracking the ever elusive Haibara Ai down. He remembers reading all those new paper headlines about the trail of broken hearts and bodies she's left behind, a true fem fatale. Naturally she would be the one to catch his eye, he doesn’t settle for second best, only wants an equal to spend the rest of his life with. At first he only saw her as someone who could be useful to his own alias as Edogawa Conan, he meant to offer her a proposition if he ever met her, but then he fell in love. Shiho is unlike anyone he’s ever met before, she made him forget the original goal of finding Haibara, his plans were ruined and he didn’t care one bit. For her, he would gladly trade in a life of crime just to spend a peaceful one by her side. Who would’ve known, she was the one he was looking for all this time.

He found it strange when she first suggested moving back to the small town she grew up in, how convenient that it was just outside of New York City, where they met. Soon they find themselves caught in an unsolved case the police have stopped caring about, but she wouldn’t give up, this one was personal. This was the perfect opportunity to woo her and win her over! Solving cases is what he was born to do, then after it’s all over, he would tell her the truth and hope she can still accept him.

“You’re awfully quiet tonight, what’s on your mind?”

They’re laying together side by side on their bed, he has his arm draped over her waist while she rests her hand on his chest tracing random patterns on his skin. They’re oddly domestic for two wanted criminals on the run, he moves his hand up to stroke her hair. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine he would be happy staying in bed instead of out and about chasing after the next mission, and it’s all because of her.

“Guess I’m still in disbelief that you’re real and you’re here with me.”

“You’ve already gotten me into bed with you Detective, no need for more sweet talk.”

“I’m always romantic, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Right, that’s why your fan club is still so hung up on you.”

“Jealous?”

“In your dreams.”

“Figures, I could say the same about those men still pinning after you though.”

“The ones that are still alive… have any regrets yet?”

“Not a single one. You?”

“Only that it took so long for us to meet.”

He leans forward to catch her lips in a kiss, he couldn’t agree more, who knows how their lives would’ve turned out had they met before turning down the wrong path. Everything happens for a reason, and if it means leading to each other, he would gladly do it all over again.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Champagne Problems

@momocicerone this is how I envisioned this song fic to go, I really do love your idea though and I would love if you would tell us more about it!

A/N- I immediately set this one in the same verse as Mirriorball from Folklore Twist (I’m dumb and forgot about my own damn fics I’ve written, so this is actually a part 3, part two is This is Me Trying). You don’t have to read these to understand this fic though

You won't remember all my

Champagne problems

Midnight train in the middle of December, right as Christmas festivities become too overbearing to handle. A lone figure sits by the window in the back corner, he wasn’t supposed to be alone, but his partner refused her ticket. Now he sits staring past the jolly environment of the rest of the passengers celebrating the holiday, he wishes he could just go into slumber just as those who did not care for the season. His eyes are focused on the picture of her he keeps in his wallet, one that he took when he caught her dancing in secret before their first party back in their original bodies. He readjusts his posture, a glance towards the platform outside sends his heart soaring, he swears he sees a glimpse of gold— the color of her dress at the party. It was gone before he could even react, not that he could’ve gotten off a moving train. She wouldn’t be anywhere near this side of town anyhow, he missed his stop hours ago.

A dance, her favorite activity in the world ever since discovering it by chance while he neglected her in lieu of chasing what he thought was his happiness. He had been so blind back then to ignore the one person who understood him so well, the only person who could complete him. Luckily he realized his idiocy and made his amends though he’s still not sure where they stand nowadays. He broke things off with his childhood sweetheart two years ago, it took another six months before he had the nerve to pursue her. He still remembers the relief when she admits she had feelings for him too, they were finally together, shouldn’t that be enough? He thought it was, but then his family got into his head asking him about marriage. Except this time he didn’t shut them down, the thought of seeing her walk down the aisle in white consumed his mind, he wanted it to be real. He had it all planned out and everyone was in on it, they knew he would propose during one of his mom’s parties, she even helped him pick out a ring. The champagne was chilled ready to be used for the celebration, everyone was sure she would say yes.

He should’ve seen the signs, lately she’s been more distant, uninterested in her surroundings— even the hobby that brought her joy when all else failed. She was slipping away from him, running further from his reach, all he had to do was pull her back. She was breaking right before his eyes, but he didn’t understand why, they were supposed to be happy together. He thought for sure this would cheer her up and bring back her smile; he’d never been more wrong in his life.

“Dance with me?”

“... okay.”

He pulls her out to the dance floor as the crowd makes a space in the center for them, they all knew what was coming. She was oblivious to it all, her head resting on his shoulder as they swayed to the music, the same song from her playlist that first time they danced together. She should have seen the signs, but she chose to ignore it.

“Shiho, you know I love you right?”

“And I love you too.”

The response was automatic, she didn’t even have to think about it, she loves him— that much was true. She feels him tense, so she pulls back to meet his gaze. The world was in slow motion as he struggled to get the perfect speech out, she stopped listening when he put his hand in his pocket, she quickly dropped the other when he dropped to one knee.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, marry me Shiho?”

All eyes were on her waiting for an answer, but as the seconds ticked by the atmosphere grew more awkward. Another pause and she makes her decision, breaking both their hearts in the process. She walks away barely concealing the tears in her eyes as the rest of the crowd is shocked into silence, no one could have seen this coming. Where did it all go wrong?

After hours of wandering around aimlessly, it was time to face the music. She holds her breath as she enters their home, he wasn’t home yet, she doesn’t know whether or not she should be relieved. Still dressed in her golden attire, she makes her way up the stairs to pack her things away, she should hurry and leave before he returns. She takes each piece of her left in his house, tears stream down her face as she’s hit with waves of memories that she knows will continue to haunt her.

They’ve been dancing around each other for what seems like ages as neither of them took the first step to move forward their relationship. It was agonizing wondering if he would ever want to make things officially, but a part of her knew she shouldn’t hope for such things when she doesn’t deserve someone as pure as him.

Another meaningless fight, they were always at each other’s throats, but it was all in good fun. It was part of what makes their relationship so strong, they didn’t have fear of hurting the other with jabs that neither of them meant. Arguing, or rather debating, was a natural part of their relationship. She barely even remembers what they were discussing this time as she makes her way to the passenger side of his car. She rolls her eyes as she turns to him asking him to unlock the car, but he was already right in front of her forcing her back on the door. She was completely caught off guard by this change in demeanor, he stayed relatively quiet on their walk back to the Chevy. His fists were clenched and he was biting his lip almost as if he was trying to hold back.

“Kudo…”

That did it, the sound of his last name, though he long ago abandoned calling her Miyano in favor of Shiho, was enough to break him. He traps her with both arms on either side of her with bright blue eyes staring into hers. The intensity of his gaze makes her lose her breath, she doesn’t know what’s gotten into him.

“I’m so tired Shiho… I don’t want to play this game anymore.”

“...what game?”

“You know what I’m talking about, stop pretending this doesn’t mean anything.”

“I don’t know what you’re…”

His patience wears off and though he knows he should have planned this more, he really was tired of waiting. He cuts her off with a kiss, something he’s been wanting to do since the night at the ball, if he’s being honest even before that. His hands move to rest on her waist as she reciprocates, her arms wind up around his neck as she deepens the kiss. When they part, there’s a dazzling smile on his face as he dares to tease her, hopeful for another collision.

“Now will you finally call me Shinichi?”

She smiles, but before she could answer, his lips are on hers again. He knows she wouldn’t make things easy, but that’s alright as long as she keeps letting him kiss her to shut her up.

Her hands have a mind of their own as they reach for his red flannel that she stole from him the moment they started dating. The soft lining on the inside reminds her of all the times he would wrap the jacket around her shoulder to keep her warm, enveloping her in his scent, claiming her as his. She takes it off the hanger to hold one last time as she drops to the ground asking herself why she had to shatter both their hearts when they were doing so well.

“All settled?”

“Even if I wasn’t, I used to live right next door, it’s not that much of a hassle to go back and grab something.”

“I know, I just can’t believe you actually agreed to move in.”

“Clearly there’s something wrong me to say yes to a corpse magnet.”

“Oi, can’t you just pretend to be cute for once?”

“Nope, you should’ve realized that the moment you decided to mess with a mad woman. Enough talk, we have work to do.”

“We already moved everything inside?”

“We need to redecorate, seriously when’s the last time you even cleaned this place.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Not even a little.”

She tries to wipe the rest of the tears away when she sees a drop fall on the flannel. She did this to them, she should have never allowed herself to be consumed by her desires, now they both had to pay the price. It’ll all be over soon, he’ll move on, hopefully find his way back to his true love and he’ll be happy again. Their meeting was only a misstep that would be corrected once he chooses the right path again. Her hands are still shaking as she wills herself to calm down and continue packing.

He finds her on the floor of their bedroom sitting in the dark with her head buried in his jacket. Even though she broke his heart, she was still the most beautiful woman he’s ever set his eyes on. He could easily leave and pretend he didn’t see anything, let her walk out of his life, never to cross paths again. His shattered heart wouldn’t entertain the thought, no one else would do, he is always going to choose her.

“Shiho…”

She doesn’t respond at first though he sees her flinch at the sound of his voice. He makes his way over to her, holding his breath, he dares to reach for her closed fist over his ruffled outerwear. Her attention snaps to his touch, the tears have long dried by now, leaving behind red rimmed eyes staring back at his.

“Don’t go, please… I shouldn’t have pressured you…. I know we haven’t talked about it, but I… let’s just forget about it. Pretend it didn’t happen. God I love you, please just stay.”

He pulls her into his chest, holding her, begging her to change her mind. He can’t take the pain of her leaving him behind. He doesn’t doubt her love or devotion, there must be something else at play, something he should have addressed with her long ago.

With her head pressed next to his beating heart, the quickening pace makes her feel ill. She’s messed up again, when will she learn to just let him be? All she does is cause trouble, even now when she should’ve just disappeared without a trace, let him recover from her poison. She couldn’t even do that right.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your apology. We can fix this, please. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s me... I can’t move on from it… I thought I could… but it’s still there… I can’t taint you with my fears… you deserve better.”

She’s still heaving in between her sobs and incoherent ramblings about why she’s too broken for him to save. She tries to convince him to cut his loss and set himself free. The Black Organization did a number on her, the nightmares never stopped, she still feels them all around even after all these years. She watched as he healed from the scars they imprinted on him, he was nearly back to his normal self before meeting her. The only thing holding him back was the positive support he needed in his life, someone who was naive of the evils of this world. Someone who could share his burdens and help relieve the pressure, he doesn’t need another ticking time bomb just waiting to blow up when his guard is dropped for the slightest of moments.

“I know about the nightmares… I still get them too… not as bad as you do, but I don’t think they’ll ever stop.”

“But… I… I thought… you moved on…”

“Only partially, I’m not as well put together as you think… there’s a lot to unpack there, but with you by my side, it makes it easier. I know I’m not alone. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you, I know you hate being weak. You never talked about it, but I should’ve tried more to get you to open up. I promise to do better. I love you Shiho, we can get through this.”

“I’m only holding you back…”

“You’re holding me together.”

His smile is sincere as he wipes the last of her tears away. She may be broken, but not beyond repair, time heals all wounds— love accelerates the process. She dares to intertwine their hands, lacing their fingers together as he helps her to stand up. This would be a long journey, they’re ready to continue forward, for better or for worse they would take on each step together.

A quiet evening together as they pushed the furniture out of the way so they could dance. Another year has come and gone and they were stronger than ever. He splashed out on the bottle, buying her favorite champagne to celebrate the occasion. He hears a clink as something drops into his glass from the nearly empty bottle. As the fizz of the golden liquid settles, with the white foam disappearing, he sees a ring on the bottom of the champagne flute. Her own glass touches his with a toast, her eyes sparkling as she asks him to marry her this time. He could only laugh as he produces the same engagement ring he’s kept in his pocket for her when she decides she’s ready for the commitment. He slips the piece of jewelry on her finger and together they leave the alcohol on the table to dance together once more.

Also available on ao3 <3