#I’m gonna have to replay the whole thing whenever it does come out because I’ve forgotten the little details atp

[ct-multifandom]

Shin’s posture makes him look like he’s always got painful period cramps

[princess-of-inarizaki]

Hi love, pretty sure you're requests are open (if not just ignore this) n e ways what about Inarizaki with manager who's like intimidating (i've been told i am intimidating lol) and very sarcastic, much Tsukishima Kei vibez cuz that's basically me😃

Just like how would our boys react, very curious and take your time btw don't have to rush it, do it whenever you feel like :D

Oh my gosh Nat, it's literally my honour to write this for you. You can request anything, anytime, and you'll be a top priority (ily<3)

Inarizaki with a tsukkishima-ish manager.

Specially dedicated to @sunasthing <3

So first of all, if you think that's gonna stop the boys from simping over you, you've got it wrong 😖🖐️

The boys would literally take it as a challenge to get your softer nature out, especially Atsumu.

I GENUINELY think he'd find it really hot whenever you snap back at him, or tell him off. (maybe he's like Nishinoya and Tanaka in that sense 🙄)

Constantly pesters you, and although you don't give him a reply often (because he's annoying as fuck), if you ever acknowledge him slightly, he WILL flirt with you.

Beware tho, even if he comes off as flirty and charismatic, he's literally just a dorky small baby and genuinely wants your attention because he thinks you're the coolest person ever.

And if you're ever nice to him, you can best bet he'll replay that moment in his mind before sleeping EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

Y/n, earlier that day: don't get hurt. I don't want to have to deal with anyone on this team being injured

Atsumu at 3 a.m: s-she cares about me 🥺🥺

I think Osamu would vibe really well with you. He's not annoying, he's really really chill, and he has a pretty sharp tongue himself.

Judges people as an attempt to make you laugh, and he sees it as a personal victory if he can get you to crack a smile or smirk. He just doesn't make a big deal about it, unlike his twin xD

Osamu: y/n look at that guy. he's totally crushing on his brother's best friend, could he not be more obvious about it??

Y/n: *cracks a smirk* yeah, it does seem so.

Osamu, internally: ✨v i c t o r y i s s w e e t✨

He also cooks for you pretty often, and even if you protest against accepting it, you'll usually find a bento hidden in your locker or bag.

He knows you might not accept it straight, so he finds other ways to get it to you. Osamu actually thinks of you as a cooler sister that he says "he'd trade Atsumu for"

In general, the twins are the life of Inarizaki and although they're sometimes annoying, they mean well and it's plain to see that they love you.

Kita loves how smart and analytical you are. I've said this before, I'll say it again— Kita thinks brains are sexy 😤

Especially when you call the team to give your insights about their opponents, or give them ideas on how to improve their play, Kita is literally there like “I'm so glad she's ours”

Because you would be a dangerous asset to other teams, and Kita is the most thankful that you're with them.

He's also a really good leader and although the two of you don't have heart-to-hearts or conversations like the twins, you know he'll ALWAYS be there for you.

Like once, it was raining and practice was cancelled, so you decided to wait in school until the rain subsided (because you didn't want to get wet), and our sweet Kita searched for you in every single classroom until the finally found you and walked you home. That's just the dynamic you had with him

He also often checks up on you, even when it's unrelated to volleyball. Have you done your homework? have you ate breakfast this morning? although you're usually sarcastic with the twins and most of the other members of the team, you can't bring yourself to do so with Kita.

The respect you guys have for each other is unmatched and that's probably why you're such a golden duo in Inarizaki. The leader and the analytical manager.

And now Suna. I think Suna would be the member you have the deepest bond with. you truly allow him to see who you are inside, and he does the same. You guys really just click.

It started with him complaining about Atsumu, and slowly progressed into you letting Suna be the only member to have physical contact with you, but only when the others aren't looking.

Sometimes, if you guys are the only two people in the gym, he'll nap on your lap or lean on your shoulder.

If you didn't already know, like everyone else in Inarizaki, he has a crush on you 😖🖐️ like damn you thought Atsumu had it bad? nah, Suna has it the worst.

He literally asks his little sister to let him practice braiding her hair, just so he'll be perfect when he someday asks to do yours.

But he always chickens out because he's scared you'll say no 😭😭 he's internally very shy, okay? 🥺🥺

He's literally your best friend. You guys have study sessions together, anime nights, literally anything, he's right there with you. The rest of the team are literally not aware of how close the two of you are.

Until one day, Atsumu tries daring you to kiss Suna on the forehead, and instead of flat-out refusing (like you've done before when he's dared you to kiss him, or Akagi) you shrug and gently kiss Suna on the forehead, causing Suna to smile and ruffle your hair.

The rest of the team is just shocked.

Atsumu: what is this FUCKERY?? is y/n literally WILLINGLY touching someone ??¿¿

Y/n and Suna: *smirks*

Atsumu, close to tears: okay

But the rest of the team soon accept you and Suna have a pretty special bond, and that you're genuinely softer when it comes to him.

You don't snap at him much, and as they've noticed, Suna has started being more brave about leaning on your shoulder or sleeping on your lap.

Of course, the rest of the team (with the exception of Kita) is jealous. But hey, they just don't have Suna's charm, okay? xD

You make Suna want to try harder, and he's way more motivated to give it his all in every single game. Mostly because he wants you to be proud of him.

He definitely has a nickname for you, but he will only use it when he's sure you guys are alone. And in return, you call him "Rin" which makes his heart flutter 🥺🥺

KAHDKSS I TOOK SO LONG WITH THE SUNA ONE PLEASE IM TURNING BOTH OF US INTO EVEN BIGGER SUNA SIMPS (as if we weren't already xD)

Now onto Aran !! Aran is a softie who (like Kita) respects you a great deal. He'll fend Atsumu and Osamu off if he senses you aren't having a great day.

He's also pretty good at giving you your space but he checks up on you every once in a while if anyone is bothering you.

Although he's shy about it, Aran actually comes to you when he doesn't understand a homework question. You're super smart and he knows you won't make him feel bad about not knowing.

And it makes you feel happy to know he trusts you, so you help him as best as you can. It's a little secret of yours that the other members don't know about.

It especially lights your day up when he gets a good grade and whispers a silent "thank you" to you in class.

In return, will help you with anything you ask for. No questions asked.

And now, last but not least, sunshine Akagi!! I think he's a total Hinata Shoyo, so he might annoy you a bit at first because of his bright personality.

But deep down inside, you love how easily he gets people to smile and slowly find yourself warming up to him.

And Akagi is really determined to get you to smile (at least once a day) so he cracks the corniest jokes or makes puns.

It has become a thing between the two of you, where Akagi tells you a joke a day, and you rate it out of ten.

Gone are the days when you found him annoying. And now, even if you won't tell him outright— you really do think he's one of the brightest people in your life.

Additional headcanons

CHEERING YOU UP— whenever you feel quieter than usual, or a bit more sarcastic, the boys immediately know something is wrong and rush over to make you feel okay. Literally, it's almost like they've abandoned practice. And eventhough you tell them to get back to it, they refuse to leave until you're feeling better. Suna usually gives you a hug and kisses your forehead, whilst Akagi cracks jokes. Then, (and eventhough you protest) Atsumu lists off all the things you should love about yourself, whilst Osamu buys you ice cream (food is, after all, the best cure for anything). Aran is literally ready to HUNT the person who affected your mood down, and kill them, whilst Kita is literally just holding him back and making sure things don't go overboard. Even if you aren't fully cheered up by then, you'd have laughed a whole lot and know how much they care for you, so honestly... how could you stay sad?

REACTING TO YOU TELLING THEM OFF— Suna is literally just meh about it. He can't take you seriously because he's a dork who thinks he's not included in the list of "idiots" (but no Suna, u mf, you ARE included -_-). Atsumu thinks it's hot 👀 (as I mentioned above), Akagi is genuinely upset/ready to sob and vows to do better. Kita is proud of you for telling them off before he could do it (Kita is not included in the "idiots". How could he? he's PERFECT 🖐️). Osamu and Aran have similar reactions, because they end up apologizing and try to change tactics and do better.

HOW THEY'D ACT WHEN YOU START DATING SUNA— (because this is honestly inevitable, wbk 😭��️). Atsumu would be jealous. Petty and would call Suna "pretty boy" every chance he gets. Leave him, im sure he'll get over it 🥺🥺 Osamu is pretty jealous too, but he'll never show it and focuses instead on your happiness. Kita approves, and honestly thinks you're a good influence on Suna. Aran is protective of you, and would literally gun Suna down if he ever hurt you (but he won't. Suna loves you, he'd literally jump down a cliff before ever hurting you 😤🖐️) and Akagi is cheerful as before, but extra glad because you seem to smile a bit more often (and Akagi loves your smile).

I took a lot of effort on this <3 hope you like it, bae !! Taglist— @dai-tsukki-desu @sunasthing @k-sakusa-old @tilli-san

[sundaysundaes]

My Words, Your Thoughts (Teaser)

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut | Soulmate AU, Friends-to-Lovers AU

Part of the beautiful ‘Aubade’ collaboration hosted by @hyucksie​

Synopsis: As an introvert, you are familiar with the silence. Drowning yourself deep in your thoughts has been a habit you’ve become addicted to. Your life begins to change, however, ever since the day you turned twenty. Suddenly, there’s this song that’s stuck in your head, and no matter how much you yearn to hear your thoughts or be comforted by the silence, it keeps on playing. You only get to find the answer to your problem when a young, cute barista hands you a cup of coffee one day, with that song’s lyrics written on the side. And you realize that you’re not the only one who’s been hearing voices in your head.

Warnings: explicit sex, expletives, mentions of physical abuse and astraphobia (not for the main characters)

WC (Teaser): 4k

Release Date: June 27, 2021, 10 AM KST

It’s weird. It’s so weird.

It’s weird that you’ve been hearing this song replaying over and over again in your head when you’re sure you’ve never listened to it before. It’s also weird because sometimes the song sounds like the ones you often hear about on the radio—complete with instrumental accompaniment and everything—but most of the time, it just sounds like someone is humming to it. Sometimes quietly, but more often than not, vehemently like they’re having a concert in the shower, not caring if the neighbors might hear.

As someone who rarely listens to mainstream music, you don’t keep up with the trend these days but the tunes are catchy enough that you think, maybe, it’s one of those Justin Bieber’s songs people always talk about. You’re not fond of it, though, so even if you’ve heard it somewhere in a cafe or a mall, there’s very little chance you’ll be humming it in your head.

And yet, it keeps on playing.

It gets worse when it goes on for a whole day—a whole fucking day—that your brain feels like it’s seconds away from bursting into pieces. It doesn’t even sound like your voice. It seems like it belongs to a male, a bit light and a pitch higher than most. Though it sounds pleasant, the voice is unfamiliar to your ears and that’s what bothers you the most. 

Trying your best to escape, you plug in your AirPods to your earholes, choosing one of the most beloved tracks from your playlist—today, it’s Bloom by The Paper Kites—to help you relax as you lie down on your bed. But no matter how many times you turn up the volume—it’s practically turning you deaf, ironically—you can still hear that one goddamn song playing.

“Oh my God,” you groan, projecting a murderous glare at the ceiling of your room before you shriek all of your heart’s content to your pillow. “Make it stop!”

This has been going on ever since your twentieth birthday and it’s been three months since then—three months of suffering, to be exact. Fortunately for you, you haven’t been listening to the same song for those amount of time—God, you would’ve killed yourself if that was the case. The song changes without warning. It can change ten times within a day, or stay the same for ten days. You have never heard of these songs except for the popular ones, and even then, you only ever listened to snippets as they don’t suit your taste. 

So… It doesn’t make sense that you could recite the whole lyrics, does it? 

And yet, you can. 

Somehow, you already know every word, every tune, even every ad-lib in these songs and it both amazes and creeps you out. It’s as if somebody else is singing about it in their mind, and you, somehow, are mentally connected to them.

But that’s surely not the case, right?

With more days passing by, as your brain deteriorates little by little, you start to think that maybe that is the case.

Or maybe you’re just going crazy.

It’s nine in the morning and your eyes are bleary from how you involuntarily skipped sleep last night. With the loudest sigh and your half-charged MacBook sitting still in your backpack, you let your wobbly legs carry you to the nearest coffee shop. There’s a new Starbucks store opening just a couple of blocks away from your apartment and it’s perfect since you’re going to pass it every day on your way to college. 

You’re not excited though, not when you have Michael Jackson’s Man in The Mirror playing in your head for the, approximately, thirty-fifth time that day. And it’s only nine in the fucking morning.

When you enter the coffee shop, greeted by a cute Christmas tree and festive decorations spreading all over the place even when it’s still three weeks away from the holiday, you almost weep in joy when the song stops playing in your head. It does happen from time-to-time, sometimes it stops for a few hours before it starts again with the same song or an entirely different one. But in most cases, it only pauses for a few minutes which just doubles the torture whenever you’re trying to concentrate on your paperwork.

“Hi.” You display a timid smile at a female barista, slightly wincing when the song in your head starts blaring again, as expected. It’s still the same song this time—so that thirty-sixth by now, Jesus Christ—but instead of someone humming it, it’s the original version that plays. You’re having trouble focusing on her greeting when the sound of a synthesizer echoes through your ear, stridently so. “I would like a tall skinny latte with a double shot, please.”

“Would you like anything else to accompany your drink?”

Perhaps a gun to blow my head off? “No, thanks. That’d be all for me.”

“Is that for here or to go?”

You take a quick scan of your surroundings. You still have an hour before your first class starts and since the place isn’t that crowded, you figure you might as well just spend some time here. “For here.”

You tell her your name and slide down your card to complete the payment. “All right. We will call your name once your order is ready.”

“Fantastic. Thanks.” As the female barista takes an order from another customer, you drag yourself to an empty seat in the corner of the room, next to the glassy window where you can glance at passersby. You lay your head down on the table, cheek pressed against the wooden surface, lower lip jutting out in weariness. You’re drowsy and you want to think about the snow that’s probably gonna fall sometimes near Christmas’ Day and maybe the sight of a warm fireplace where you can cozy up with your imaginary boyfriend (also known as Jung Jaehyun—that one perfect boy who lives just across of your hallway), but no, unfortunately for you, you no longer have any space left in your brain since Michael Jackson is performing a damn concert and it doesn’t seem like he’s gonna stop anytime soon.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror…” Great, now you’re singing it. “I’m asking him to change his ways…”

The music in your head abruptly stops again but before you can close your eyes to finally enjoy your silence, a familiar voice chimes in.

“It’s a great song, isn’t it?”

Shocked, you quickly lift your head to identify a male barista placing down a cup of your ordered latte on your table. You swear you recognize his voice but his face doesn’t ring a bell.

“Hi,” he greets, smiling a bit sheepishly. “I don’t usually bring orders directly to the table but I think I misheard your name so I couldn’t call you out from there.”

“That’s, umm, that’s okay…” You hide the bottom half of your face behind your scarf as you’re not used to talking to a stranger, especially one that looks overwhelmingly pretty. “What did you think my name was?”

“Umm…” He rubs the back of his nape awkwardly. “I don’t think you want to know. It was a bit… inappropriate.”

“R-right…” You glance at the cup. “It says ‘Michael.’”

He chuckles but with only a slight hint of amusement in it. “Yeah, sorry about that. I had to come up with something and it was the first thing that came to mind.”

“And it has…” Your eyes widen when you notice the words he’s written on the side of your cup. It’s not a greeting, it’s not a motivational sentence, it’s the fucking lyrics to Michael Jackson’s Man in The Mirror.

“Yeah, okay, so—” Noticing the appalled look on your face, he hurriedly tries to reason out. “I’ve had this song stuck in my head all day long—I just listened to it a minute ago while making your order—and the lyrics are just so inspirational so I decided to write that down. I hope that’s not too weird.” Then he laughs a little, a tad more genuinely this time. “But I heard you singing that song just now. What are the chances, right?”

You swallow hard. He’s been thinking about that song too? Listened to it a minute ago? What are the chances of this is happening? Is he the one whose voices I’ve been hearing in my head—

The male barista abruptly takes a step back, his tray nearly slipping out of his hold. He has a hand pressed against his ear, eyes blinking several times in disbelief. “Holy shit.”

“Excuse me?”

“You—” He splutters, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I can’t believe it’s real.”

“What?” The way he seems like he’s looking at a ghost sends goosebumps all over your skin. “What is it?”

“Think about something.” 

“Umm—” What is he talking about?

This time he gapes, his jaw dropping low. “Holy shit, I can really hear you. Think about something else—think about me.”

“Look, I don’t know you and you’re being weird.” The sudden change of conversation baffles you but when his words sink in, you can’t stop yourself from thinking about him as he orders. He’s cute, his entire features are cute—you’ve noticed that from the first second you laid your eyes on him, but what catches your eyes the most is his lips—the way they’re shaped so beautifully, like a cupid’s bow—

“You’re thinking about my lips? Seriously?” He asks, but might as well splash cold water to your face. “If you said something about my eyes, sure, I mean, they are attractive. One might even say that God Himself took the stars from the sky and put them in my eyes—but my lips? Huh, that’s new.”

You loudly gasp when you’re finally aware of the situation, hands flying to your face to cover your gaping mouth. “You can hear my thoughts!”

“And you can hear mine too!” He points out, and as startled as you are from the previous realization, you instantly frown upon his words. 

“I don’t think so,” you reply. “I can only hear—”

“Donghyuck-ah!” Another barista comes to interrupt from the other side of the room. “We didn’t pay you to flirt, come back here!”

“I wasn’t flirting!” He shouts back, tips of his ears reddening. When he turns to you again, he has a prominent scowl on his face which makes you squirm on your feet. “We need to talk about this. My break is in an hour, do you think you can wait?”

It sounds more like an order than a request. “B-but I have a class in an hour.”

“Skip it.”

It takes all the strength in your body to be brave enough to retort back with, “Why don’t you skip your work?”

“I’m already half-done with my work, I can’t bail out now.” He rolls his eyes. Suddenly, his courteousness just vanishes without a trace. “Look, I’ve been hearing your thoughts for months now and I have a lot to complain to you about.”

You grimace. “It’s not like I can control my thoughts—”

“I know, I’m not blaming you.” He picks up the tray, his gaze softening but only slightly. “I just want to complain. You’ve been driving me crazy these past few months.”

You glance away, pouting. Wow, he surely knows how to befriend a stranger.

“I can hear you, you know.” He sighs as if talking to you is exhausting, when it should be the other way around. “Look, I’m sure you’ve been going through the same thing. Don’t you want this to stop?”

You’re not wasting any second. “Yes, please.”

“Then wait for me. We’ll talk this through.” He pivots on his heels, his tray glued to his side. When you can finally breathe properly, exhausted from the social interaction as you sink back to your seat, the barista—Donghyuck—adds, “Oh, as you wait. Can you please stop thinking about my lips? Or just how cute I am in general? It’s sweet but I gotta concentrate so I won’t write another Michael on my next order.”

You slam your forehead down the table, face aflame. “I-I’ll try.”

“Thanks.”

***

“You just can’t stop thinking about my lips, can you?” Is the first thing Donghyuck states out as soon as he’s approached your table. He runs a hand through his brown hair, which looks out-worldly fluffy that you begin to wonder what kind of hair product he’s been using. “Or my hair.”

Mortified, you mumble out, “I’m sorry,” with half of your face covered by your hands. The more I try not to think about his lips, the more I do—shit, is he hearing this too—

“Yes,” Donghyuck says, but this time with an amused smile. “Man, I didn’t know my lips were that appealing to ladies. You’re gonna make me blush.”

Well, he’s making you blush for sure. “Would it be too much to ask for you to stop listening to my thoughts?”

“Believe me, woman, I’ve tried.” He groans, taking his apron off before he sits in front of you. He loosens up his collar, unbuttoning two buttons of his white shirt—which is two more than necessary to your liking—and you have to gaze away before another thought forms inside your head about a certain part of his body. 

“Sorry if I came on too strong before. I’m Lee Donghyuck,” he introduces formally, offering you his hand. You reply with your name but you’re reluctant to shake his hand since you’re sure you’re breaking into a cold sweat, and an overly sweaty palm doesn’t really scream attractive—

“It’s literally just a handshake,” he says, stifling down a laugh. “I’m not gonna start judging you about it. You’re cute, sweaty palms or not.”

You nearly choke. “If I can’t ask you to stop listening to my thoughts, can you please be quiet about them?”

“That’s also impossible since talking is an integral part of my charm.” He leans back to his chair. “I’m pretty good with my mouth.”

That was… a poor choice of words, you think, as you stare at his lips and can’t help but wonder what can that mouth do other than talking. You take a bite of the bagel you just ordered, desperately trying to avert your attention.

“It wasn’t a poor choice of words.” He winks. “I did mean that in every way possible.”

This time, you really are choking.

“Okay, so what’s happening to us?” Donghyuck questions, after you manage to shed a tear or two during your attempt in relieving your throat. “Why have I been hearing your thoughts? I don’t even know you.”

“Same here.” You’re still going through a hard time keeping eye contact with him, but with more seconds passing by—and him pronouncing every bit of your thoughts out in the open—the knots inside your chest begin to loosen. “Ever since I turned twenty, I’ve been hearing these songs playing in my head that I’d never even heard of.”

“Never heard of?” Donghyuck snorts. “What, you never listen to Billboard’s top forty?”

You weakly shrug. “I prefer indie music better. Or instrumentals.”

“I would say that you have a soul of an old lady but the way you’ve been thinking about my lips reminds me of my sister who’s going through puberty.”

“Okay, this isn’t fair.” You shake your head, ashamed and tired of being humiliated over something you can’t fix. “Why can you hear my thoughts but I can’t hear yours?”

“Believe me, you’re much better off this way.” His face contorts in pain which makes you feel somewhat sorry if he’s not constantly being an ass about it. Hearing your insult, he notes, “Also, I’d prefer to be called with terms of endearment in the future, if that’s okay with you. Something like Babe or Darling.” The way he raises his eyebrow is just strictly illegal. “And in return, I’ll call you Sweetheart.” But before you can say anything—or run toward a running bus to put an end to this endless humiliation—he questions, “Wait, when you hear the songs I’ve been thinking in my head, does it sound like the original version of the song, or like me singing it?”

Finally, a proper conversation. “If you’re listening to the actual music, I can hear the original song as if I’m hearing it through my headphones. But when you’re just thinking about it, well, I‘ve never heard you sing, but,” you decide to tease him back—which startles you from how blatant you’re being. “From how amateur and pitchy this voice sounded in my head, I think I’ve been hearing yours.”

“Cute.” He scrunches up his nose. “Okay, let’s try again. Can you hear what song running through my head now?”

You stiffen, sitting in silence. After a few seconds pass by with only you exchanging stern stares at each other, your eyes gleam with a spark of hope. “Wait, I can’t hear you. Does this mean it stops? Because we’ve met in person?”

“Sadly no, because I was just thinking about how silly you looked when you choked over your food earlier.” He chuckles to himself and sends you another wink when you degrade him in your head. “Okay, let’s try again.”

“For real this time?”

“For real this time, Sweetheart.” He closes his eyes, holding back a smile when he catches how you flinch a little at his pet name for you. This time, you really do hear him humming inside your mind. “Don’t tell me by words,” he immediately adds, “Just think about them.”

Heaving a sigh, you close your eyes too. I’ve heard this song somewhere.

“If you’ve never heard about this song, I will literally cry and apologize to the world on your behalf.”

Be quiet, please, I’m trying to concentrate.

“Worried that you’d be thinking about my lips again?”

You almost fall from your seat. Almost. Okay, you’re singing to… You knit your eyebrows together as you provide your best effort to remember the tunes. You’re singing to Super Mario Bros theme song?

“Correct.” He taps his fingers to the table, simpering. “This is actually pretty cool. We can be, like, partners in crime or something.”

You shudder. “Please don’t tell me you’re an actual criminal.”

“If looking this handsome is a crime then I am, yes. Guilty as charged.” He makes a kissy face when you think about throwing the rest of your bagel to his head. “You look like someone who writes fan-fiction about their idols having sappy first kisses in your spare time but you’re actually pretty wild in your head, aren’t you?” He loves seeing your reactions, you know that, so you give your all in trying to act nonchalant. “Now, let’s try again. Did you bring your headphones with you?”

You check your coat’s pocket. “I got my AirPods.”

“Perfect. Put them on and play something from your phone.” As someone who’s pretty carefree, he can get serious at times. “Play as loud as you can until you feel like you’re going deaf.”

“I’ve tried that many times.” You nearly wail at the memory. “But it’s hard to drown your voice since it comes from inside my head.”

“Yeah, I know that. I’ve been hearing your thoughts too, remember? Don’t you think I would at least try something like that?” You narrow your eyes menacingly at him but he simply waves you off. “Anyway, that’s not what I’m trying to do. Put them on and you’ll see.”

He’s ordering you around. He just met you and he’s ordering you around. Socializing with people in general already zaps your energy pretty quickly, so socializing with a brat—

“I’ll grow on you, don’t worry.” He smirks and you take a mental note to really learn how to control your thoughts this time.

You follow his lead, as requested, connecting your AirPods to your phone and play something relaxing—because God knows how desperately you need it—as loudly as you can bear. Okay, go try… whatever it is that you want to try.

He smiles and shifts slightly on his seat, facing the window. His eyes glimmer under the light when he parts his lips, mouthing some words—no, singing something that you can’t hear.

Wait. I can’t hear?

Donghyuck glances at you, a grin breaking further on his lips upon hearing your thought. He gestures to you to take your AirPods away and you nod. Vacation Manor’s You promptly fades as his voice enters, and it’s weird because you’ve heard him sing in your head so many times yet it doesn’t do justice to how beautiful he sounds in real life.

It’s almost angelic, the sound he makes, which is kind of ironic for a little devil that he is. His honeyed voice is soothing, almost like the patter of rain on your window at dawn, lulling you back to sleep. You’re no expert in music but to you, he sounds impeccable that you run out of words to describe how pleasant his voice is to your ears. It’s so distinct, soulful—

Donghyuck giggles. “Thanks.”

—and annoying. “Okay, so what happened?” You try to divert the topic. “I can’t hear you when you’re singing out loud, but I can hear it when you’re thinking about a song?”

“I guess so.” He furrows his eyebrows, deep within his thoughts. “I figured it out when I couldn’t hear your thoughts whenever you spoke out loud. I think we can work from this?”

“So instead of thinking about what I have to say, I should focus more on saying what I want to say?” You shake in horror. “I don’t think I can do that.��

“What, you don’t like talking?”

“I’m…” You swallow your breath. “I’m not really good at that.”

“You’re talking to me just fine now, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, because you make it so easy.”

“Aaw,” he purrs, a lopsided smile painting his face. “Thanks, Sweetheart.”

“No.” You hold up a hand. “I mean, since you can hear my thoughts, I have no other choice but to speak. Also, you seem like you’re the type who just says whatever that comes to mind without worrying too much about my feelings—”

“Hey, now you’re just making me sound rude—”

“You are rude,” You emphasize. “But it works well with me because then I don’t have to hold myself back and pretend to be somebody else.”

“Why do you have to pretend?” He frowns. “Because you’re afraid people are gonna hate you? Judge you on your words?”

“It’s…” You look away, nibbling on your bottom lip. “I just… I’m trying to be a good person so people will like me—”

“I like you,” he says casually as if he was talking about having a cute Pomeranian as a pet, and there you are, almost fainting in your seat. “I mean, in the last forty minutes I’ve known you, I think you’re great the way you are. You don’t have to be good, you just have to be you.” He shifts closer, crossing his arms on the table, and lays his chin on them, gazing up at you with a soft smile that doesn’t match well with his previous attitude. “Don’t you think it’s great if people accept you the way you are?”

You hurriedly take a sip of your coffee, pretending to swallow even if it’s already empty. “You’re… not so bad yourself.”

“What was that?”

“Okay, well I think I should go.” There’s no way you’re gonna repeat that. Donghyuck titters, taking a hold of your wrist when you’re about to stand up from your seat.

“We still have loads to talk about.” You observe the way his fingers linger around your arm, his sun-kissed skin feels silky smooth against your own. “Why don’t we have lunch together? My treat?”

“D-don’t you have work to do?”

“I’ll make an excuse.” 

A barista with the word Jeno written on his name tag walks by and slaps Donghyuck on the back of his head as if it’s something he’s done on a daily basis—probably is. “You’re not going anywhere, asswipe, get back to work.”

When the brunette boy turns to you, he winces. “Or maybe you can give me your number so we can meet up later?”

***

A/N: I’m both nervous and excited for this as this is my first collaboration. Thank you so much, Denise, for having me on this wonderful collab!

[itsclydebitches]

:)))) So I've started playing the witcher again AND AHA i Have more complaints, doing some main quests cause there's nothing else rly to do now, and yen has just comfirmed that she also has amnesia for a short time, ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? This whole time, including literally the line before she said that, she's been belittling and mocking and just acting like she didn't believe Geralt about his amnesia/ THAT HIS ACTIONS WERE DUE TO HIS AMNESIA???? so.,,, she's rly just such a bitch lfmao I can't with this woman, She is a grown ass adult and she's being petty and cruel over something this man can't be entirely blamed for. Also asked why she didn't come look for geralt, as she only had her memory loss for a short time due to the mages helping her, she just assumed that geralt would look for her... she just assumed he was fine and- I can't stand her. I AM GONNA SPEED PAST HER SHIT AND GO FUCK AROUND SOME MORE HOLY SHIT shes insufferable

YOU'RE BACK, ANON, HI :D

All of this though. My knowledge of the Witcher story was so spotty when I first played that it took me a while to really piece everything together. (Helped immensely by playing through the first two games. Imagine that lol.) So when it fully hit home that 1. Yennefer also had amnesia, 2. She had been ignorantly pursuing another witcher just like Geralt pursued another sorceress (if we ignore the fact that Triss was actively going after him), 3. She recovered her memory way faster and did nothing to find/help Geralt, 4. She only sought him out after she'd tried to find Ciri herself and failed, AKA I'll look for you now that I need you for something, and finally 5. All of this came about because the Wild Hunt kidnapped Yennefer and Geralt TRADED HIMSELF FOR HER... I'm just, like, livid on his behalf lol. I mean damn, Geralt has his own list of flaws and you can absolutely play him as a dick, but in terms of the events we have no control over—their "real" characterization in the games—it really is a night and day difference between them. At least for me. Yeah, Yennefer is a grown-ass woman who spends the majority of the time being petty, hypocritical, or downright cruel. Does she have moments of compassion, wit, humor, etc.? Of course! Are they enough to outweigh everything else and make me like her though? Still nope...

I'm deep into my second playthrough and I'm like you, anon: I've been avoiding her parts as much as possible lol. I actually just went to Skellige because I need Yen for a secondary quest and I became frustrated by how heavy-handed their supposed chemistry is. You don't get a choice about whether Geralt greets her with a "You look beautiful" during a funeral, it just happens. The majority of the options from then on are some version of innuendo and when you pick the neutral route (that's thankfully there) Yen still turns it into a 'Remember the last time we were at a ball and had sex ;)' conversation, more innuendo about reading minds with the "I don't like that" option becoming more flirting about secrets... Even back before you've even found her it's all about her unique scent, the unicorn, how everyone recognizes you from the love ballads... it doesn't feel like they have a relationship to me. It's all just sex and how hot they both are. Compare that to literally anyone else in the game—yes, including Triss—and it just highlights how unnatural it feels. I mean, it's not going to feel unnatural to a player who already adores the relationship, but if you haven't bought into it yet... the game does incredibly little to sell them liking each other outside of the booty calls. I have no desire to romance Triss either, but at least with her I get conversations about the world, her interests, and our relationship outside of the physical. Yen seems to have three modes: we're having sex now, I hate you now, or we're looking for Ciri. It really doesn't make for an engaging romance imo. Especially in a game as choice-based as Witcher, you really can't get by on just "Well, they're canonical, so..."

In other news, I'm on the Blood and Broken Bones difficulty because I have every intention of platinuming this thing. I also added a couple of mods to even out aspects of the gameplay that previously bugged me. This included an "always full exp" mod because it sucked putting off a quest for a while, going back when you were a higher level, and getting literally 2exp for the same work. Except... then I leveled too quickly and all the mobs were super easy and I didn't want to "cheat" lol. So I got rid of the exp mod, added the AMAZING random encounters mod, cranked that difficulty up, and am now constantly besieged by mobs of my level or higher whenever I try to do... anything. It's great fun. Makes the world feel far more dangerous and you can earn a little extra coin by taking on bounties. I hope to make all the grandmaster witcher gear this time, so I'm gonna need all the coin I can get...

Do you plan to get the DLCs when you're done? I'm so eager to replay Blood and Wine again!

[hopeisour4letteredword]

with friends like these

Summary: Apollo gets his wisdom teeth out, and Clay babysits.

Link to AO3 in the notes.

"Apollo, buddy. Buddy. You gotta lie back down."

Apollo blinks owlishly at Clay, swaying in place in the middle of the kitchen. God, Clay would feel better if he at least had the sense to lean against the counter. "But I want coffee."

"No coffee for you," Clay says, forcing himself to be stern despite the dreading anticipation of the way Apollo's expression falls, comically sad. AJ always looks younger than he is, as a big brave twenty-year-old, but the sad little pout while he's out of his mind on painkillers, cheeks swollen from surgery? He looks like he's twelve. Adorable. Clay feels bad for him, he really does—he got his own wisdom teeth out last year and he remembers how much it sucked—but the little baby pout just makes him want to smile. "You'll wind yourself up something good, sunshine."

"It's not that much caffeine," Apollo tries to say, even as he lets Clay catch him by the arm and pull him, stumbling, out of the kitchenette. "An' it would make me feel more awake."

"You don't need to feel more awake, you need to rest."

"But I've got stuff to do," Apollo says, mournfully. Clay manages to wrangle him back over to the couch and nudge him back down onto the cushions. Apollo makes doe eyes up at him while Clay grabs the nearest blanket to wrap around his shoulders. "I gotta work on my readings—"

"It's winter break, you don't have readings."

"But next semester."

"You don't have any advance readings yet. You checked and told me so before the surgery."

"I have to stay ahead," Apollo says. His eyelids droop. "I gotta be good at my classes so I can be a good lawyer."

"You're gonna be a great lawyer. But you aren't a lawyer yet, and you don't have any classes right now, so just take it easy, okay?"

Apollo opens his eyes again to peer back up at Clay. "My mouth hurts."

"I know. Sorry, buddy. Not time for more painkillers yet. You want me to grab you the ice pack again? Get the rest of your shake?"

Apollo nods, still looking glum. Clay dutifully returns to the kitchen to retrieve an ice pack from the freezer, which he wraps in a kitchen towel, and the rest of Apollo's post-surgery chocolate shake out of the fridge. When he gets back out to the living room, Apollo has toppled over to be horizontal on the couch. Clay puts the necessities down on the coffee table and scoops Apollo's legs up onto the couch so he isn't twisted all funny. The last thing the poor thing needs is unnecessary strain making him uncomfortable. He ruffles Apollo's hair. Apollo leans into the touch. Aww.

"Anything else I can grab you?"

"Can you sit with me? I wanna watch you play games."

"Aw, sure. What do you wanna watch?"

"I dunno. Anything's fine."

"Let's play some Odyssey, then. I'll go grab the Switch."

Apollo brightens, just like Clay thought he would. He always did like playing on Clay's Switch when they were kids. Even for Clay, it's hard not to be transported back to sleepovers, hushed giggles as they tried not to tip Clay's dad off that they were staying up late while they played games under the covers, whenever he picks it back up to replay something. He knows the memories are even more precious to Apollo, who spent so much of his adolescence struggling through foster system bullshit.

"Yeah!"

"Okay, sit tight."

When Clay comes back, Apollo has propped himself up enough to try to drink more of his shake. It dribbles out of his mouth.

"Oh, man. You got a little, uh—"

Apollo looks frustrated. "Did I miss again? I still can't feel my lower lip."

"Yeah, no, it's, um—you're fine, just let me—" Clay grabs a tissue off the box on the coffee table and wipes Apollo's face. "There you go."

"Thanks," Apollo says. He smiles, wobbly but true. "You're the best."

"No problem, sunshine," Clay says, smiling. He moves around the room, getting the Switch hooked up to the port so it will show up on the TV, before he lifts Apollo's upper body out of the way so he can slide onto the couch with him. Apollo's head ends up propped on his thigh. He helps Apollo adjust himself so there's no pressure on his cheeks, and he can easily hold the ice packs in place while seeing the screen. "Here we go."

"Let's-a go," Apollo says, in a terrible Mario impression. Clay barks out a laugh and starts the game.

"Goofball."

They don't get very far into the game before Clay is pretty sure Apollo starts to doze beside him. His breathing evens out and his weight goes limp. That's fine. He's warm and cozy, and Clay likes being someone he feels comfortable enough with to sleep around. If this is helping him feel a little better while he's in pain, Clay's satisfied. It's not like it's a hardship to sit here and play video games and be his pillow.

But the fact that he thinks Apollo's mostly asleep does mean Clay almost gets the shit scared out of him when Apollo says, suddenly, "Clay."

"Jesus!" Clay fumbles a jump and Mario goes plummeting to his doom. Oops.

"Yes, hello, hi. I thought you were napping, buddy. What's up?"

"You know you're my best friend, right?"

"Yeah? Of course."

"You know?" Apollo rolls so he's mostly on his back, looking up at Clay with big, sad doe eyes again. Clay stares back down at him, befuddled. Of course he knows. "Cause I—I know I'm kinda bitchy sometimes—"

"Aw, Apollo—"

"An' I can't help you with your smart science stuff a lot—"

"That's not—"

"An' I get really anxious and you have to babysit me sometimes an' I yell at you for it—"

"Apollo—"

"But you're really important to me and it would suck if you didn't know just 'cause I'm stupid."

"You aren't stupid," Clay says. He ruffles Apollo's hair again. Apollo's eyes slide closed, lips tugging back into the miserable little pout. "I know I'm your best friend. You're plenty nice to me. Just 'cause you're a little prickly when you're stressed doesn't mean you don't make it obvious that you care about people."

Apollo sniffles. Oh, no. Case in point, though.

"And you don't have to worry about not helping me with science stuff," Clay adds. "I know I'm not that helpful with your law stuff, either. You're way better at helping me review than I am at helping you review."

At least that makes Apollo smile a little. "Jus' easier to read formulas off notecards than legal definitions."

"You can say that again." Clay will take astrophysics over civil law any day. "Besides, you're the best hype-man I could hope for. Who else is gonna get me super pumped to go to space even though it scares the piss out of you?"

"It's so high up," Apollo whines, making Clay cackle. He never thinks about fear of heights as an issue with spaceflight until Apollo mentions it. "An' there's the whole vacuum and no air and you're just going in a tin can—"

"Don't talk about my girl Hattie like that, she's perfect."

"An' even Mr. Starbuck is nervous about it."

"And you help Sol get psyched for it too," Clay says. He pats Apollo gently on the shoulder. "Which is exactly what I'm talking about."

Apollo sighs.

"I know we're best friends, sunshine," Clay adds, more gently. "Come on. You think I would agree to live with you if I didn't know you liked me? I bet you could pull some real passive-aggressive roommate pranks if you wanted to."

Apollo huffs out a tiny laugh. "Maybe."

"There we go. We're fine, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Say it with me. We're fine."

"We're fine."

"You're Apollo Justice and you're fine."

"I'm fine!"

"That's my boy." Mario has fallen asleep standing up on-screen. Clay is considering whether or not he should keep playing or encourage Apollo to go take a real nap when Apollo shifts beside him. Clay lifts his arms out of the way on instinct, holding the controller aloft, when Apollo braces himself on shaky arms to turn and crawl the rest of the way over to plop himself down in Clay's lap. "Wh-oa, buddy. Hi there. You want cuddles?"

"Yeah," Apollo mumbles. He drops his head onto Clay's shoulder. Clay carefully shifts his weight and settles down against the back of the couch, letting it take both of their weight. He doesn't think of Apollo as a big guy, because he's not, but geez. A whole adult human does kind of weigh a lot. Good thing Clay's been beefing up for his training. "Are you at the moon yet?"

"Nope. Only at the gardens. It hasn't been that long."

"You're gonna get to the moon someday," Apollo says, with loopy certainty. Clay almost bites down on a grin before he remembers that Apollo can't see him anymore and he can smile as much as he wants, safe from scrutiny. "You're gonna be a kickass astronaut."

"Aw, thanks, bud."

"You're really smart. And good at solving problems."

"Flatterer," Clay says, grin spreading wider. God, he wishes he'd thought to grab his phone and start recording this. Yeah, he does know he's Apollo's best friend and Apollo loves him and all that, but he sure as hell doesn't get this mushy often. It's really cute.

"You deserve it. You're the best friend in the world, Clay," Apollo declares, and promptly passes out on Clay's shoulder.

---

"Anyway," Clay finishes. He knocks back the rest of his mocha. "That's what AJ was like when he got his wisdom teeth out, so like I said. Don't be too embarrassed about it."

Klavier is laughing so hard he's almost crying, a hand slapped over his mouth to muffle the sound of it. Apollo's in the kitchen right now, cooking the three of them brunch. Hopefully the sizzle of frying eggs and sausage covers the sound of Clay's indiscretions out in the living room. Clay's dead meat if it doesn't.

"He never mentioned," Klavier manages to get out, when he finally gets himself under control. "How cute."

"It was pretty great," Clay says, fondly. "But please don't tell him I told you about that. I don't want to die before I make it to the moon, and he will actually kill me for realsies."

"Your secret is safe with me." Klavier props his chin on his hand, grinning. "Has he ever gotten quite so affectionate other times?"

"If he's drunk enough, yeah."

"I'll have to keep it in mind, then."

"S'why I told you," Clay says. He considers the sly, affectionate curl of Klavier's smile for a second before he adds, "But don't bully him too hard afterwards, or you will lose drunk Apollo privileges. Only moderate mortification allowed."

"Would he be taking the privileges away or would you?"

Clay lets his own smile go sharper. He likes Klavier just fine, and he doesn't really believe he'd be that mean to Apollo, but... well, Apollo's Clay's best friend, too. He has obligations if Apollo's boyfriend is an asshole to him. "Fuck around and find out."

"Fair enough, Herr Astronaut," Klavier says. There's a clatter of plates in the kitchen as the sizzling dies down.

"Food's ready!" Apollo hollers. Clay casts Klavier a glance; Klavier mimes zipping his lips, winking. They both push away from the table to wander into the kitchen. Apollo bustles around fixing a plate of food, a pile of hashbrowns and sausage and eggs. Klavier creeps up behind him and puts his hands over Apollo's hips. Apollo startles, almost knocking him away. His cheeks go pink.

"What do you think you're doing? Clay's literally right there."

"Don't mind me," Clay says, cheerfully. He loves having ammunition to give Apollo hell over later.

"I think he already has an inkling that we're dating, Liebling," Klavier murmurs. He leans down to kiss the top of Apollo's head. Apollo gently elbows him in the gut, pushing Klavier away as his cheeks go even redder.

"Yeah, and he's already insufferable enough about it without you hanging off me in front of him. Come on, back off."

Klavier obligingly steps back. He and Clay begin to fix their own plates. Hovering nearby, Apollo asks, suspiciously, "What were you two gossiping about out there, anyway?"

"Oh, nothing," Clay says. He smiles sweetly when Apollo narrows his eyes at him. "By the way, AJ?"

"What?"

"You're the best friend in the world."

[notnctu]

to jeno, my orientation leader ♡

To All The J’s I’ve Loved Before Series by notnctu ♡ lee jeno x fem!reader ♡ genre - fluff ♡ wc - 1.5k ♡ warnings - n/a ♡ synopsis - in which you bump into the sugary sweet orientation leader, who you were so love struck for back in your first year  ♡ taglist - @colpen​ ; @cestmoncoeur​ ; @hyucksberry​ ; @whorefortaeyong​ ; @jaeismytamtation ; @lexiluness​ ♡ a/n - sorry, but it didn’t let us tag some of you guys?? pls make sure your blog is visible to searches in order to get tagged !! let us know if you want to be on the taglist for the next ones!

Jeno,

This just seems ridiculous. I know that I’m a hopeless romantic and I know I fall easily, but of all the people in the world? You, my orientation leader.

Lee Jeno, 2nd year Computer Science major, uses him/his pronouns. I will never forget your hesitant wave, small smile, and way your eyes rose into crescents. I knew I had fallen for that eye smile immediately.

I’m pretty sure I made it obvious too, I was practically floating around you, doe-eyed to everything you did, and flustered whenever you said my name even if it was just for checking if the whole group was there.

Watching you walk around campus, passionately and happily explaining all the quirks of the campus, I wondered how going on a date with you would be like. I could imagine how excited you would be looking at the variety of flavors in an ice cream parlor. I even wondered if we would have the same favorite, though you do seem like you’d like strawberry over chocolate.

And of course, I made it worse by spilling my water all over you during lunch. You got up and just laughed, reassuring me that it wasn’t a big deal and it was just water but I was too embarrassed and flustered trying to find napkins. Yet, even though you were the one that got their pants wet, you still handed me a napkin.

My heart was going to burst out of my chest and it was so hard to stop every atom in my body to just run away in embarrassment.

Though this mindless, thoughtless crush only lasted maybe no more than two days, I still shoved my face into the pillow at night, giggling at how sugary sweet you made me feel, dreaming about how you would be like.

I wished that you were thinking about me into your pillow too.

-from the shy first year in your orientation group, y.n

It wasn’t everyday that you passed through the center of campus on a Wednesday. Wednesdays were when the clubs, fraternities and sororities boothed, bugging every student they saw to join their organization. But today, you were late for class and the fastest way to your lecture hall was through the courtyard.

With your earbuds on, you tried to blend and rush through the crowds, but so frequently students were chatting with their friends, creating walls. Getting annoyed, you tried your best to weave through. When someone suddenly swerves, you find yourself swinging to the left only to crash into someone else.

You start wobbling backwards, not able to fully regain balance, prepared to fall until someone else’s back bounces you onto your feet.

“Oh my bad, are you okay?” The quiet voice behind you asked.

Turning around, ready to apologize for your own clumsiness you face the dainty sweet eyes you haven’t thought about since first year.

Lee Jeno, second year - well now third year, computer science major, him/his. You could never forget his orientation introduction, it was the first thing he said to you. He made you forget everything, all the words you learned throughout your entire lifespan, the direction of your lecture, even how to breathe.

Now though, his jawline had become sharper and his shoulders definitely got broader. He was still reserved, but he wasn’t as shaky and nervous as before. Though he didn’t change much, the changes were subtle in the way he held himself. Shy, but comfortable with himself and everything around him. He wasn’t exactly the same as he was during orientation, but he was still similar, he had just grown up.

The letter you wrote comes into your mind. The sour sweet feelings repeat in your head, heart, and hands. You remember sighing at how fast your second letter came, disappointed in your hopeless romantic self for needing to write a letter before you even officially started college. At the same time, the sugary sweetness that he left as you wrote it still made your heart whirl.

“You okay?” he sounds concerned as he asks again, interrupting your thoughts. Realizing that you have been spacing out to his face for the past two minutes, you clear your throat.

“I-uh, yea!” Finding your voice again, hoping it doesn’t sound as skippy as it did in your head. “I’m sorry, I was just in a ru-”

“Oh my god, aren’t you, from my orientation group back in second year- oh well, I mean your first year or I guess even before that.” His eye smile starts growing as he rambles, causing the butterflies to flutter against your stomach more than they already had.

How could he possibly remember you? He had at least eight groups of 15 first years, how could he possibly remember you. You try to stop your eyes from widening and your cheeks from flushing, but his perfect laugh signals that he definitely saw your hesitation.

“I could never forget my first orientation group,” He nervously rubs the back of his neck. “I remember dreading the first day, I was so nervous.”

“Haha I think I was more nervous than you were.” You chuckled, completely abandoning the urgent lecture you had trading it for the conversation you two were having that was already far more words you both exchanged a year ago.

“Maybe,” he laughs. “Starting college is always a weird thing, it’s fun to start something fresh and new, but also so scary because it means change.”

Unable to form a response, you can tell that he also doesn’t know what to say next. The silence becomes unbearable, both of you wanting to say more, but unsure if the other wants to hear it.

“Uhm, care to join Uncief?” His shy eyes look away as he hands you the flyer.

You just laugh, remembering his awkward but soft personality. As you take the flyer, you remember taking the napkin from his hand when you spilled the water all over him.

You know that him handing you the flyer was just his job, but you can’t help but feel yourself regaining the warm feeling you had when you brush fingertips. It still felt like he was being kindhearted and considerate like he was with the napkin. The same burst of your heart in your chest replays, as if there were fireworks.

You wonder if he felt the sparks too.

Even now, your small but forceful crush on him still runs mindlessly through your head. He still sent electricity through your veins. His eyes still melted into yours, you still swore you saw the entire galaxy in them.

His shy, but kindhearted soul, even if you were just imagining it, still shined. The thought of him was just as prominent as it was during orientation.

“I’ll think about it,” You smile, but his sunshine laugh can tell that you probably won’t sign up or attend meetings.

“You should come to the meeting, we give out free pizza for the first two,” His voice raised a little, trying to convince you to come. “Or at least come hang out with me.”

You almost choke on your breath, surprised that he had asked you to hang out with him. You can’t tell if this is just something he says to everyone he flyers, or if he genuinely wanted to see you another time but that doesn’t stop the somersaults from swinging in your stomach.

Your mind roams to the idea of dating him again. Sharing a pizza together in the middle of big green fields on the campus - it just seemed so perfect. It didn’t seem so impossible to go on cute dates in between classes, studying together in the library, giggling during each other's lectures. Even though your thoughts were completely mindless and based on the little to no interactions you’ve had together, it seemed like a possible reality, not just a fantasy.

But his entire being was a fantasy. He really could be a dream in real life. His delicate eyes, soft lips, caring personality, kind soul. You never thought it was possible to meet someone who possessed everything you would ever want in someone.

“But actually, Unicef looks great on resumes and we do a lot of volunteer work too,” He points to the flyer for you, leaning in closer to you and snapping you out of your daydream. You try not to hold your breath with the proximity decreasing between the two of you. “And the people are actually pretty genuine and fun, even if it just sounds like a nerd org, I mean hey, I’m still in the club.”

“O-okay, I will genuinely think about it.” You finally make eye contact with him which he returns with his signature crescents.

“Alright, I won’t bother you anymore,” He smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder, looking you directly in the eyes. “It was nice seeing you again y.n, I hope you’re not spilling water on people still.”

You stand there in shock, not expecting him to ever remember your name. He sends you one last chuckle as he walks back to his booth.

You grip the flyer as if it was gonna slip through your fingers, just like Jeno had. You knew it was naive, but you hoped that the small shy smile that lingered on his face as he started chatting with the other members was because of you.

[watch-grok-brainrot]

Wei Wuxian and Chinese Virtues of 忠孝仁义

There’s a lot of conversation about Wei Wuxian and how he struck out on his path without a concern for the Jiangs; about how he’s reckless and not giving a sh*t about his role within his society; about how he had a family and siblings and threw it all away for his sense of right and wrong. But the way I read his actions is within the context of the virtues of 忠孝仁义 (and how the virtues, especially 义, is ingrained in him via the Jiang sect motto). WWX’s major decisions can all be read as him acting in accordance with one or more of these virtues. Even when WWX is being his most irreverent self (and yes he’s rude and bring about a lot of second hand shame) he still remembers the we-self (to borrow from baoshan-sanren’s post) context as the head disciple of the Jiang Sect. Even when he seems to abandon everything, he didn’t abandon his understanding of these virtues. 

First of all, let’s talk about 忠. 忠 (zhōng) is loyalty, devotion, fidelity. I usually associate the concept with loyalty towards your country but it can be applied to other units too. In the case of CQL where we don’t see an Emperor or country, it would only make sense that this concept be applied to either a person (e.g. SuShe at JGY) or a sect. 

Tangent, feel free to skip: An (maybe THE) embodiment of this virtue is 岳飞 (Yue Fei), one of THE MOST famous Chinese generals. Yue Fei lived during the second half of the Song dynasty. He loved his country so much, he wrote poetry about drinking his enemy’s blood and eating their flesh (壮志饥餐胡虏肉，笑谈渴饮匈奴血) and taking back his country’s lands and saving the two previous emperors from being POWs. He is famous for the tattoo of the words “尽忠报国” (exhausting all loyalties to replay country aka i will be loyal and fight for my country until i die) on his back bestowed by his mother before he left home. When he was unjustly executed for treason, the executioners saw that on his back and the people knew a great man was wronged.  

(if anyone wants a translation of the poem and a rambly share about some of my favorite Yue Fei  related facts/stories, let me know. Otherwise, i’m gonna get back to our favorite necromancer)

So back to WWX. His loyalties are very much with the Jiang sect.  After JFM and YZY dies, within the structure of 忠, Jiang Cheng is effectively who he needs to be loyal to because Jiang Cheng is the sect leader and essentially the symbol of the sect. The act of giving up his core to JC, then, embodies the idea of loyalty within the context of 忠. (I’ve seen memes about how WWX gave consent, WQ gave consent, but JC didn’t. drwcn has a great post about consent. For this post, i’m not going to go into it because this is outside my defined scope.) Furthermore, 忠 compels WWX to protect the Jiangs. I’ve read meta that thinks WWX was trying to get himself killed based on the crossing of his hanfu and his mouthing off at Wen Chao. I’m inclined to believe that reading because if dying means JC would never find out, so be it. And as long as WWX is dead, there will be no evidence of the core transfer so JC would never lose face before other cultivators. It would mean the Jiang sect can be rebuilt to its old status without being tainted by WWX’s sacrifice. 

Ok, next is 孝. 孝 (xiào) is most often translated as filial piety. I don’t think there is a good sense of it in western culture. In chinese culture, it is the expected deference younger generations need to display to elders in their direct lineage. [Note: i use lineage because you can be 孝 towards your biological parents and grandparents, your kungfu master and their master, your adopted/honor bound parents, etc but not to everyone who is in a higher generation. It’s very family/lineage based.] 孝 is complicated because it’s ingrained into Chinese kids at a really young age. Go pour your grandparents tea. Go give your grandparents a back rub. Listen to your parents. When your parents get old, you’ll take care of them. Respect your elders. Even if your elders are wrong, don’t talk back. It’s a set of emotions that tie you to your ancestry. To turn your back on it feels like turning your back on your culture and identity. 

Tangent, feel free to skip: Ok, this is really cool and I had to share. In looking up 孝 in the online xinhua dictionary, it says about the etymology: “形声。从老省，从子。” This is so cool! We have two characters: 老 (old, as in Yiling Laozu) and 子 (child). You’ll notice 孝 is a character where to top part of 老 is taken and 子 essentially follows. This character is a style of character where the meaning comes from the structure of the character. So 孝 is where the children follow the old, often blindly and with disregard of their own needs. 

WWX, as an orphan, can only direct his 孝 towards Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. 1) No matter how awful they were as parents, JFM and YZY raised WWX. 2) WWX is the head disciple. That means JFM is his shifu. [He calls JC his shidi and JYL his shijie for that reason.] That teacher-disciple relation is often described as “一日为师,终生为父” (a teacher for one day should be treated like a father for life). Both 1 and 2 bind WWX to the Jiangs regardless of his adoption status. So, when on the boat YZY and JFM tell WWX to take care of JC and JYL, it’s the order of an elder in his direct lineage. To not listen, to not defer to that order would not be 孝. Considering they perished at Lotus Pier, WWX was obligated to execute those orders to their fullest whatever the price (i.e. golden core). 

Along those same lines, out of 孝 (and human decency, tbh) WWX and JC had to retrieve JFM and YZY’s bodies. Wen Ning helping them out in that situation is a HUGE favor. Not to mention all the other things WN and Wen Qing does for them. I will get to the favors and their ramifications later. 

Ok, moving on to 仁. 仁 (rén) is most often translated as benevolence or humanity. (I want to say I find the translation of humanity very interesting from a bilingual child’s perspective because the chinese character for person/human is 人 which is also rén. I got the concept confused a LOT.) 仁 is found in the love and kindness shown towards fellow humans. Ctext often translates it as virtue, which is a bit too broad, IMO. I think this line from Confucian Analects explain the concept succinctly: 

樊遲問仁。子曰：”愛人”

Fan Chi asked about benevolence [仁]. Confucius said, "It is to love all men." 

WWX embodies this love better than everyone else in the story (except maybe LSZ but LSZ probably gets it from WWX). WWX meets stuttering WN and acknowledges him, offers to give advice, and truly sees the younger man. He treats WN with kindness and friendship (and yes, he takes advantage of WN’s willingness to push him around in a turnip wagon but that’s more shenanigans). WWX also sees the Wens at Phoenix Mountain as human and steps out of line to help them.  His blindfolded five arrow show stems out of his 仁. His saving Mianmian is also an expression of his 仁. So many of WWX’s actions stem from 仁. A lot of the fandom see it as his empathy and I agree! It is that! But it can also be viewed as his internalization of the virtue to love humanity. 

Finally, 义. 义 (義,yì) is actually the reason this ENTIRE post came to be. 义 is the same 义 as  Yi City. I offer the traditional version of the character above so you can see how it compares to the stone on the way to Yi City. You will recall when WWX says Yi City, LWJ asks, “Yi, which means chivalrous?” And WWX explains same character but for coffin/mortuary in this case. 

Actually, 义 is used in a lot of words: 

正义- correct/rigit + 义 =  righteousness

意义 - ideal + 义 = meaning

侠义 - knight -errant + 义 = chivalry

义气 - 义 + air = personal loyalty; code of brotherhood

名义- name + 义 = nominal

义父 - 义 + father = sworn father (this is a difficult to translate idea that sometimes i translate as godfather for simplification and cultural parallelism. it’s a parent figure that you acknowledge via vows. If the character for father is replaced with brother, then it’s the relationship that the 3zun have. And OMG i want to talk about the 3zun and romance of 3 kingdoms and how much of a awful un-义 person JGY is… but also holy out of scope batman)

In the case of virtues/morality, we’re looking at 义气 - the 义 that means loyalty to people and a code of brotherhood. The Jiang Sect ancestor is described as a 游侠 (yóu xiá, wandering hero). The ancestor’s identity as a 侠 (xiá), which indicates a highly skilled martial artist/fighter who will defends others (à la wuXIA and xianXIA), places him within the world of 江湖 (jiāng hú, sometimes translated as rivers and lakes or “pugilistic world” in some wuxia subtitles). In 江湖, 义 is the most important virtue. Based on 义, you help those in need. You stand out and do what is right. You are an outlaw that follows a strict moral code. 义 is the foundation of the Jiang Sect’s motto. Furthermore, the idea of 义气 can in some ways be viewed as currency. You do me a favor, I owe you one. You treat me with decency, I return the favor. You DO NOT return kindness with ill intent. It is taboo. 

WWX exemplifies 义. 义 is part of what makes him so lovable and reckless. For 义 , he sticks out his neck for LWJ during Wen Summer Camp. For 义, he follows LWJ to search for the Yin Iron. Under 义 , he is free to be the hero who lends a hand whenever it’s needed. Oftentimes, 仁 and 义  go hand in hand because to stand up and stand out for other requires love of others and seeing their humanity. 

So let’s get back to the Wen remnants: for 义, WWX must protect WN and WQ. As I mentioned before, WN and WQ had done WWX and JC (and thus the Jiang Sect as a whole) MULTIPLE HUGE FAVORS. 1) saving JC from Wen Chao at Lotus Pier. 2) retrieving JFM and YZY’s bodies. 3) transferring the golden core against WQ’s best judgement. All of these actions are so vital to the survival or the reputation of the Jiang Sect. WWX knows it. I’m positive JC knows it.  To turn their backs on WN and WQ would be 不仁不义 (neither 仁 nor 义). Really, the ONLY thing they should be doing from the perspective of 义 is helping the Wens to repay their kindness. But WWX knows, as the head disciple, that JC cannot afford to align the Jiang Sect in sympathy with the Wens because it’s political suicide. The Jiang Sect WILL NOT SURVIVE if Nie, Jin, and Lan all turn against them. Even if Lan stood neutral, Nie and Jin would still be able to wipe out barely rebuilt Jiang. 

So what does WWX do? He has already painted himself as a rebel, as rude, as ill bred. And from an outsider looking in, WWX is in alignment with his slippery descend into darkness. WWX knows if he steps just a little more out of line, he can accomplish everything else his morality dictates. (We could talk about WHY WWX feels like it’s ok for him to give up everything and analyze WWX’s self worth and what not. But that’s also outside the scope of this post and i’m pretty sure other people have done a better job of it than I could.) 

Save the Wens, run away to the Burial Mounds, and defecting are all aligned with WWX’s morals. Defecting protects JC and the Jiangs sect in an act of loyalty (忠). Defecting also protects JC and JYL, thus fulfilling the filial piety toward YZY and JFM’s instructions (孝).  Saving the Wens returns the debt of 义 that JC and WWX owe to WN and WQ. Saving the Wens also appeal to WWX’s sense of 仁 towards the non-cultivators. Lastly, protecting the Wens means JC does not end up 不仁不义. From WWX’s perspective his actions are the only option for him to really have no regrets when he asks his heart. 

[texassmashbitch]

Monster~

Aone Takanobu x Reader!

A/c: Okay so I previously did a Aone x Reader so if you saw that I apologise (҂⌣̀_⌣́)  just pretend you didn’t see it. I decided to redo Aone’s Hc and delete the old one, so don’t bother looking ( •̀ᴗ•́ )و ̑̑  if my Hc’s don’t make sense I pray that Lord Asahi will provide me with some guidance ~(˘▾˘~) but this is really just for me to type up scenarios I’ve had in my head for a long time and if you enjoy it then (づ￣ ³￣)づ

Please tell me if he seems out of character (ﾟ∩ﾟ)

warnings: Swearing, Angst, wanting to punch someone in the face, lil bit of sexual seasoning here and there ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)  you have to read to see if there’s fluff ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You and Aone have known each-other since highschool, it has currently been 4 years.

During your highschool years you managed the Date Tech Boys volleyball team which explains why you were close friends with Aone

You’re a successful Architect and Aone works for a construction company building one of the buildings you designed.

Aone had liked you since the day you re-appeared in his life and spoke to him as if you never left.

He finally gained the courage to ask you out and you accepted because you lowkey had feelings for him to.

Your feelings for him started when he treated you as if you were a normal person and not someone who had a lot of money. He would still pay for your lunch whenever you ate out, he would still buy you flowers and he would still buy you coffee if you were ever stressed.

You didn’t have a lot of friends because how they would only ask you out to hang if they wanted you to pay for it, which you caught on to and kicked those (those useless mf) people to the curb.

Aone doesn’t really express his emotions and you're absolutely fine with it but sometimes bottling up those emotions is not good for a relationship.

You were giving the businessmen who were interested in buying your building a tour of what still needed to be done and happened to go past Aone’s work station.

“If you look over there you’ll see that the elevator is still in progress” you pointed out for the businessmen but just as you were about to continue walking one of the businessmen put his hand on your right buttcheek and gave it a firm squeeze which Aone happen to see “Um excuse me sir get you-” you were about to say but your boyfriend had already grabbed him by the collar and had him hanging off the ground “What do you think your doing?” the businessman said, Aone didn’t reply he was just breathing heavily down the businessman’s neck “Aone, baby, that’s enough okay? I’m fine” you reassure your boyfriend “No your not. He touched you” Aone said sternly, you cupped Aone’s face and turned him to look at you “Look baby, i’m really okay” “Plus if you would’ve come any later, i would’ve beat his ass” you say clenching your jaw turning to look at the businessman, Aone lets out a sigh and nods his head, letting the businessman go “What a pity, such a beautiful face paired with such a horrendous monster” the businessman told you, (omg i wish a dude would disrespect Aone in front of me) you slowly raised your hand into the air and slapped his face into next week Thursday “How dare you speak about my partner like that” you said dangerously “May I remind you that this is MY building and you just insulted MY partner, if you don’t leave right now i will throw you out myself” you said to the businessman with clenched fists “Pfft like I wanted a building designed by a women who clearly knows nothing and should just stay in the kitchen” the businessman laughed “I think the fuck no-” you were about to throw your hands but a strong arm had been wrapped around your waist holding you back “But Aone he sai-” “No” Aone replied “Fine” you huffed out annoyed “Leave. now.” Aone said before the businessman left smirking. At 6pm, you and Aone had finished work, you had both agreed to spend the night at Aone’s apartment “Baby what are we gonna have for dinner?” you say to your boyfriend coming out of the bathroom from his shower, he just shrugs his shoulders and continues to dry his hair “Um mister where are you going? Your girlfriend is starving” you go to grab his shoulder but he gently pushes your hand off and continues to walk into his bedroom with you following behind “Baby? Are you okay?” you ask as he sits on the bed and he just grunts “You know you can talk to me?” you say as you sit next to him but he moves away, you continue to move closer to him when he moves away “STOP!” he yells “Time alone” he continues “Oh…… okay, i’m sorry” you say and leaving the room, you sit on the couch facing the blank Tv thinking of all the things you could’ve done wrong but in his room Aone kept replaying what that businessman had said “What a pity, such a beautiful face paired with such a horrendous monster” he wondered if that was how you saw him as well and wanted to distance you from him, he may seem emotionless even though this man was far from it. Aone got so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the time 12:15am, he walked to the living room to find you sleeping on the couch in a crouching position as if you were waiting for him even though he asked for space, he let out a sigh along with a small smile, he leaned down and moved the stray hairs and placed a kiss on both your cheeks and forehead, by the time he pulled away from your forehead you had woken up and looked at him with eyes full of sadness and tears “I’m sorry Aone” “You did nothing” he said while caressing your cheek “I made you sad, am i being too clingy?” you ask your boyfriend “ Of course not” he smiled “Then wha-” “I had what that businessman said about our relationship stuck in my head” he looked down embarrassed retreating his hand from your cheek down to his side “Ngawww baby the fact that you believed him in the first place breaks my heart” you catch his retreating hand and kiss his knuckles “I promise you that you are not a monster” you continue to kiss up his arm reaching his shoulder “Matter of fact your a teddy bear” you kiss his collarbones through his t-shirt and up his neck “my teddy bear” you leave kisses along his jaw and finally reaching his lips engaging in a passionate kiss, you FINALLY pull away leaving a thin string of saliva still connecting the both of you “Does that show you how much you mean to me?” you say huffing and puffing “No” Aone says bluntly “What do you mean ‘no’?” you say furrowing your eyebrows “Need more” he says with pink cheeks “Aone, baby your gonna have to tell me what you mea-” before finishing off your sentence Aone had thrown you over his shoulder, you let out a high pitched ‘EEK’ “I will show you now” his says while walking to the bedroom “Oh lord Asahi it’s me again” you say as your boyfriend places you on the bed and hovers over you “I didn’t mean it” Aone lets out while hovering over you “Huh?” “Pushing you away when it wasn’t your fault” he said and you were in such awe of how caring this man on top of you was “Baby it’s really okay” “Are you sur-” this time your turn to cut him off by pulling him down by the collar to kiss you deeply, which he did, along with a whole lotta other things.

Was written at 3am once again and I’m sorry if it’s short ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

Once again we stan underrated characters around here (っ◕‿◕)っ and if you don’t, oh well life sucks for you ¯\_〳 •̀ o •́ 〵_/¯

[louiseleblancdiggory]

Congratulations on 900 followers 💥💥"It makes me feel sick to my stomach listening to you coo over your new partner. And the worst part is that I have to smile and nod like it’s not killing me inside. " Can you please do this for nessian??? Please give it a happy ending please☹️

Aaah thank you!! I don’t know if this was the scenario you were thinking of, and if it isn’t just tell me and I can write something new. I’m sorry if it’s too long. I hope you like, tho!!

Word Count: 1688

New partner

--

This was Hell.

Or if it wasn’t Hell, if it was maybe a cosmic joke, the universe had a shitty sense of humor.

It was definitely a slap to her face.

Nesta Archeron was gripping her glass of whiskey so tightly in her hand that she was afraid it would break. Which would be terrible because it would cause her sisters to actually stop and pay attention to her. Today was Feyre’s day and Nesta didn’t want to ruin her sister’s dinner rehearsal by shattering a glass with her bare hands, but it was near impossible to let go of the only thing that was stopping her from strutting across the ballroom and attacking Cassian.

“I can’t believe he was the audacity.” Amren murmured by her side. Her mouth was against her glass of wine but her eyes were also fixated on Cassian. “Asshole. I can’t believe he brought someone else to Feyre and Rhysand’s rehearsal dinner for the wedding. How much of an idiot do you need to be?”

Nesta didn’t reply, just watched the scene from across the ballroom.

Five years. They had been together for five years, known each other for five more and it had taken him three weeks to get over their break up. The thought made her blood boil, as did the sign of Cassian’s hand on the back of a pretty redhead. She was smiling up at him in such a free way that Nesta knew she had never done so in public. It had never been a problem, Cassian had always known that Nesta preferred to keep it to their privacy. It had never been a problem until it had.

The fight still replayed in her head, over and over again for the past three weeks.

“Why are you like this?” By this point, it was almost a competition of who could scream the loudest. “Why can’t you just fucking give a little sometimes? I’m not fucking asking you to completely change, Nesta, but it’s so tiring being the one always accepting shit in this relationship.”

“Fuck off.” She spat, her face probably red with rage. “Why the fuck do you care if I am all smiles and happiness around other people? Why the fuck does it matter what other people think of me, of our relationship?”

“This is not what this is about.”

“This is exactly what this is about, Cass.”

“They are my friends!”

“I’m your fiancé!”

“At the moment this is an unfortunate fact!” As soon as the words left his mouth, his eyes widened. He took a step forward, but Nesta held up a hand. She had no idea how it wasn’t trembling. They were different, she had always known that, and there were no chances of either of them changing and that had been ok for their whole relationship. Part of her always imagined when Cassian would tire of her cold behavior and move on, but most of that fear had gone away when he proposed a few weeks before.

Nesta had never had her heart broken before, but she could swear she heard it breaking that moment. Heard it breaking while she pulled the engagement ring out of her finger and there it at his chest. The ring fell to the ground with a too loud thud.

“Why don’t we change that fact then, Cassian?” Her throat tightened. “It’s over. I’m tired. Go find someone else to scream at, someone else to be your fucking ray of sunshine whenever you guys go out. If you want someone so different from me, I won’t stop you.”

He tried to say something, tried to call her back but she was already at the door grabbing her car keys.

She could still hear her heart breaking.

Her mind snapped back to the present the moment she heard the thunder. She finally tore her eyes from Cassian and looked around the ballroom. Feyre was beaming at Rhysand, both of them lost in their little world. Elain was sitting with Azriel’s arm around her, both of them speaking to Mor. As if she could sense Nesta’s gaze, Mor turned around and looked at her. She glanced at Cassian before turning to Nesta again, giving her a shake of head that left very clear that Mor agreed with Amren.

When Varian came back to Amen’s side, Nesta insisted that they could go have fun and that she was ok. She was the one who ended things. She was fine. She was fine. She was fine.

She kept repeating it as they left to the dance floor, kept repeating it as she drowned her whiskey and finally let go of the glass. She only stopped repeating it when she looked at Cass again and saw him bending down to whisper something in the girl’s ear.

Nesta’s cheeks burned, her heart beating way too loudly in her chest. Suddenly tired, she grabbed her purse and started leaving. The rehearsal was over, and the hotel was on the other side of the street. If Feyre asked for her, both Mor and Amren would probably know that she went to her room and why.

The moment she stepped outside of the ballroom, she was completely wet from the rain. Not having the patience to wait for it to get better, she ducked her head and made to cross the street.

“So you’re just gonna fucking leave your sister’s dinner?” A man’s voice came from behind her. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, not turning around. “You’re just running away again.”

At that, she spun in his direction, his eyes burning like hot coals. “Go to Hell, Cassian.”

“Isn’t running the best you can do?” He was angry. He was furious by the look on his face. Good, she was too.

“What the fuck do you want, Cass? Do you want me to sit down inside and act like a behaved, proper lady? To be sitting quiet so you can feel as if I’m not running away from you again? To see you whisper sweet nothings in the ear of other women? To admit I shoudl change so you can feel good about yourself?”

“I never wanted you to change.” He shouted, spreading his arms. “And I still don’t. What I want is for you to talk to me, Ness. You left three weeks ago and ignored my phone calls, messages and I had to know through Amren and Mor how you were doing! So can you just fucking talk to me—“

“You want me to talk?” She laughed humorlessly. “Let’s talk. Let’s talk about how I always felt as if you were a step away from giving up on me because of my personality, and then three weeks ago it was exactly what you did!”

“I never gave up on you, I tried to talk to you every damn day for three weeks!”

She barely heard his words, her blood roaring at her ears.

“Let’s talk about how you showed up with someone else today and how it felt like a slap. How it makes me feel sick to my stomach listening to you coo over your new partner. And the worst part is that I have to smile and nod like it’s not killing me inside. This dinner was fucking torture. Hearing the two of you talk and laugh was fucking torture. Smiling like I was fine so there wouldn’t be awkwardness during the dinner was fucking torture. So if you really want to talk, Cass, start with how you broke my heart three weeks ago and did it again tonight.”

Her chest was rising and falling heavily, her throat sore. Even under the cold rain, she could feel her cheeks flaming up in shame. She was never an opened person about her feelings, and now she had laid them bare to her ex-fiance in the middle of the street. His eyes calmed down, and she wanted to tear him to shreds from the emotion she saw in his face.

As if approaching a wild animal, Cassian walked up to her until she had to tilt her head back and stare at him. He gently cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing hair strands away from her cheek.

“She’s a colleague from work. She would have come nonetheless, and I just offered her a ride. Feyre’s planner must have thought it was something else because before the rehearsal started, he added a place for her at our table.” He breathed out, his face framed with his sodden hair. He lowered his forehead until it almost touched hers, as if he was afraid that completely touching it would cause her to run away. “I didn’t want her to feel strange, and the only other person she knew in that table was Rhys and he was just too lost on Feyre. Mor and Amren looked ready to eviscerate me. I didn’t want to talk to you in front to everyone, did not want to have this conversation with them around. I am so sorry, baby, if I made you think I was with her. I could never be with her. I’ve known you for ten years, Nesta Archeron, and it would probably take ten times that for me to get over you. I don’t want you to change, and I am so sorry that I made you feel as you needed to. You are the fiercest, most perfect person I have ever had the luck of meeting. You were perfect ten years ago when we met, five years ago when we started dating and you are still perfect today. I loved you ten years ago, five years ago and I still do today.”

She was glad for the rain so Cassian couldn’t see her face soaked with her tears. Slowly, she raised herself on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his. Her hands sneaked up to the back of his neck, and the hands he had on her face went to her waist so he could pull her closer. Kissing Cassian after three weeks was like finally breathing after almost drowning. He was the focus of her entire being right now, and the world could fall apart as long as she had her body pressed against his, mouth in his as he extracted breathless moans and whimpers from her.

He only let go long enough for him to take something out of his pocket and show it to her. Their engagement ring, the red siphon bright against the streetlamps.

“Can we please talk, sweetheart?”

She kissed him once more as she nodded, and he sighed in relief as he put the ring back into her finger.

[imaginesbymk]

“There is no Goodbye.”

The Pacific One Shot

Summary: Nothing is more ironic than Eugene breaking up with you just for the sake of sparing you the heartbreak if he were to die at war. But when he’s lucky to return home to Mobile, his first mission is to find you. Will Eugene be able to win you back before someone else does?

Pairing: Eugene Sledge x Fem!Reader

Non Requested

Tags: angst/breakup, swearing, smoking, drinking, mentions of an ethnic slur + mentions of war violence

Word Count: 3,016

Author’s Note: song inspiration for this oneshot is wait by m83!!! i totally recommend this song cos its so beautiful!! pls give this a like/reblog and maybe some feedback!! <333

YOU were sick of crying in your pillow every night. You were aware of how puffy your eyes must have been by now, you acknowledged your friends who called and visited, checking on you, but not even that helped soothe the heartache in you. His name just kept echoing in your mind and replayed, finding their way into your sleep. You wished you hated Eugene Sledge, but deep down in your heart- you just couldn’t.

Three knocks came on your bedroom door. “Y/n, your food’s getting cold,” you heard your mother from the other side.

“I’m not hungry.” You couldn’t remember the amount of times you’ve used that as an excuse to stay where you were, depressed and heartbroken. 

Eugene broke up with you on a Sunday night. You two were dressed for the occasion; a dinner party was held at a grand convention center that was known and popular by several Alabamians. You wore the necklace Eugene got you as a gift, and you loved showing it off. In fact, you wore it every day to remind yourself, your family and your friends that Eugene Sledge was the love of your life. 

Later you noticed how strange he was acting the whole dinner, how quiet and tense he got so suddenly. His hand would slip away whenever you held it while walking, or when they were held under the table. It was like he was trying to hold something back, like a cat catching his tongue. Then, you found him outside, leaning against the stairway. 

“What is it, Eugene?” 

He paused every time he looked at you, how it pained him to say what he needed to say. Whether it was now or never, he leaves for the train in a couple of days.

“Wait a minute, Eugene,” You remembered your body turning cold as ice, but not from the night breeze. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Oh how you wished he was kidding, but the look on his face read that he wasn’t in the slightest. He was joining the marines corps, despite his heart murmur and his father and brother encouraging him to go to college instead. He flunked out of his classes on purpose just to enlist, and since only God knows what fate lies ahead, he felt it was best to put a stop to the relationship.

It wasn’t your right to be angry about his choices sometimes. He was in his twenties now, old enough to make up his mind. He was fighting for everyone’s freedom, after all, which is probably the bravest thing Eugene is doing. However, you didn’t understand why. Eugene was a believer, he believed in God and miracles. He asked God to send him a miracle through prayer in his own time, and they were answered in the form of you. So why couldn’t he believe in the stable relationship you both can still have even when he’s off to fight?

As expected, you didn’t take it too well. Right there, you broke down in front of him. Eugene walked over and reached his hand out to touch your shoulder, but you shoved him away. 

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. You angrily ripped the necklace off of you and threw it at him before running off in tears. He never chased after you.

You dared not to go back inside the dining hall where your family and friends were, as well as his, so you walked home by yourself without waiting for anyone to catch up with you. He was going mad, you bet. Enlisting in the marines was one thing, but calling it quits on your relationship?

That was the last time you saw Eugene. He didn’t wait to see if you would turn up at the train station, begging him to have a change of heart. He never saw you there, and he boarded the train to California.

What were you more upset about: the love of your life dumping you, or the chances of the love of your life dying?

THE year was now 1945, and Eugene sat in the passenger seat in Sid’s mobile when he picked him up from the station. 

The Japanese surrendered, and the boys back at the islands held a celebration with drinking, bonfires and loud music. Eugene, Snafu and Burgin sat on the rocks, watching the night sky, contemplating their return to home.

Victory Day was now nighttime, Eugene blew out smoke from his pipe, counting the stars. His tiny bible that was pocketed in his dungarees was pulled out, using the distant lit fires as a light to read through the tallied marks from the book of Genesis to Thessalonians, then out came a piece of paper that fell onto his lap. 

He picked it up and unfolded it, taking another puff from his pipe. Eugene reads the first two words. 

Dear y/n

The letter was never delivered to you because it was a letter Eugene had never sent, in fact it was never finished. He never got his first sentence down as they were ordered to get their gear ready to move down Okinawa. He never wrote a letter to you at all for the rest of his time serving, because he knew he wouldn’t be receiving one back.

Snafu slapped him awake one night and told him to shut up because he kept saying your name in his sleep. Eugene sounded desperate and panicked when he said it, too, and if the volume increased, it would have given away their spot. The marine was lucky it was a slap in the face rather than a bullet to the skull. 

The next day, Snafu asked Eugene for two things: a light, and who “y/n” was.

“She was my girl,” Eugene handed a lighter to Snafu to light his cigarette.

“Was.”

“I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her at home just for a man in uniform to come to her door to tell her I’ve been KIA.”

“Shit, so you dumped her?” Snafu grins. “Should of given her to me, Sledgehammer.”

Eugene didn’t laugh. It was an inappropriate joke, no surprise coming from Snafu himself. He sat in the filth in silence, his bloodied and dirty hands holding your gold necklace that you threw at him. He brought it with him to war, and kept it as a bookmark in his Bible.

Eugene’s home was the same as he had left it, he knew that when Sid pulled up at the long pathway at the gates. Georgia cottage was indeed a sight, and Eugene loved it so much as a child. It was spacious with nature and trees to walk his dog, a forest down the road to go hunting and fishing with his father, a meadow where he would take you on a warm day.

Sid sat in the parked car for a few moments, Eugene hadn't started walking to the front door just yet. “I visited her,” Sid broke the silence. “Just like I promised.”

Eugene had to ask, “How is she?”

“I was starting to think she had forgotten about you... that was until I showed up at her door,” he replies. “It was tense, but she’s doing all right.”

Eugene nods, smiling a bit. He trusted his best friend to check up on you for him. At least you were doing fine, according to Sid’s words. "No crying?”

“She don’t cry no more. I introduced her to Mary Houston and invited her to my wedding- if that’s alright with you.”

He chuckled, making a face. “Why would I not be? It’s your wedding, you greaser.”

“Well one, and you should probably take my word for it, Y/N still hates your guts,” he said. “And two, whether or not she speaks to you at all on my wedding day, at least I’ll have you there as my best man.” Sid noticed the look on his best friend’s face. “There’s the O.O.M ball coming up. Y/n’s gonna be there.”

He smiles at him. “See you later?”

“Welcome home, Eugene.” And he drives off, prompting Eugene to reunite with his parents.

[x]

SHOWING up to the O.O.M ball immediately made you feel bummed. You showed up without a date. You shouldn’t have the right to feel bummed, anyway. You turned down any guy that had asked you. You could have said yes, but something in your heart was telling you no, and you couldn’t figure out what it was. 

Sighing, you suddenly didn’t feel like going to the bar for a second drink, and you just didn’t like waiting until your friends weren’t with their dates to go up to talk to them, so you found yourself heading outside to the front. It’s not like you could escape the guests, as tables and chairs were set outside occupied with more people, and even more people standing around and chatting with their friends.

You leaned over a tree where you felt like no one could see you for approach, being able to hear the loud music from the inside. But for what? You could just leave and say you felt sick. What were you waiting for? 

Several years had gone by since he left, and nothing about you has changed. Your hair grew a bit after a slight trim, and so has your wardrobe. Your dress was pretty expensive, and no one complimented it. You just needed someone to come up to you and say- 

“You look beautiful.” 

You spun around, knowing that Southern accent all too well. Not a lot of alcohol was consumed, so asking yourself if you drank too much that you started to see and hear things was out of the question. How did he know where to find you? How was he able to sneak up on you like how he used to as a surprise? He’d always do that, then pick you up and spin you around with joy. But this time, he stood in front of you, gazing at you like a painting.

Your vision started blurring.

“Y/n?” he thought you were having a stroke in front of him, and he reached out his hand. “Y/n?”

“Gimme a minute.” You breathed heavily, gripping the tree for support. Maybe you were about to faint in shock. After picking up your senses, you were able to respond. “Eugene,” you said softly. “You’re here.”

He nodded. “In the flesh.” You really couldn’t believe it. Maybe you were seeing and hearing things. But he was here. Eugene Sledge was really here, standing before you, and not a scratch on his face. His hair was fixed, too, and you could tell he was now in greater shape.

“How was...” you felt like you shouldn’t ask for so many reasons. “I mean, you made it. You’re home.”

“At last,” he answered, placing his wooden pipe in his mouth. “What are you doing all the way over here? Your date’s probably searching all of Mobile for you.”

“I don’t have a date,” you shook your head. “I mean, I came alone. I didn’t bring anyone.”

“You too?” he blew out smoke.

“Yeah. Um-” all it took was for you to breath in and crunch your nose from the awful stench of nicotine that everyone was so used to. “Since when did you start smoking?” 

He shrugged. “Since I killed my first Jap. Helps me calm down.”

"Well... I’m talking to you and you’re blowing smoke right in my face.”

Eugene nodded, taking the pipe out. “Sorry. How have you been?”

“Good.”

Eugene furrowed his brows. “That’s it? Just good?”

“I mean, what else would you expect me to say?”

“You’ve completed your education, you’re engaged, you and your partner are buying a house?”

“Jesus, Eugene. It’s way too early for that. I can’t even drive.”

“I’m kidding. I can only assume you’re in complete shock. I can’t say I’m not surprised,” Eugene says. “I can also assume you hated me as soon as you threw the necklace I gave you right at me.”

“And I still hate you.”

He looks at you, scoffing. “Is that right?”

“Yes,” you folded your arms. “You dump me and leave to join the marine corps, I wrote you a letter on your birthday and you never wrote back, every time I see your parents at the market they look at me like I’m the face of death. You shouldn’t have come here, I was doing just fine.”

“Really?” Eugene raised his eyebrows. The nonsense coming out that mouth. If only Eugene could kiss them shut. "All right. Heard you spoke with Sid.”

“Yeah, and? He invited me to his wedding."

“And he asked me to be his best man. So you might as well hold in your punch until the wedding is over.”

Your blood started to boil. Maybe you haven’t changed, but the war did indeed change the hell out of him. This attitude he carried wasn’t impressing you one bit. “What the hell’s your problem?”

“My problem? I’m trying to have a conversation with you, y/n.”

“And you’re acting as if I’m the reason you dumped me.”

“I had my reasons,” he spoke back,

“Damn you, Eugene Sledge!” you slapped him repeatedly on his chest and shoulder. “Damn you for hurting me like that! Damn you for not writing to me! Damn you for leaving me!”

You cried out, as he simply stared and did his best to restrain your arms away from hitting him once more. 

He never spoke a word until you calmed down. Then, you realized... “Oh God, Eugene. I’m so sorry,” you gasp. “I would never lay a hand on you.”

“A Jap tried to kill me with a bayonet,” Eugene said. “I kinda had that slap coming.”

You let a tear fall down your cheek, and you looked down so Eugene wouldn’t be able to notice, but he was smart enough to know. “Baby... it’s okay. I’m here now.” He pulled you close and held you. You haven’t felt his touch since that night. You were overcome with the nostalgia during the happy times, and even the sad times. He would hold you like you were gonna slip right out of his hands.

“I’ve missed you so much, y/n. There hasn’t been a night where I haven’t dreamt about you, where I would die, or where I would watch you marry a man who doesn’t know you the way I do.”

“Eugene... you broke my heart and just stomped on it like mud.”

“And you had every right to be hurt, but that was never my intention, I just did what I thought was the right thing.” He played with the curls in your hair and kissed you softly on your temple.

It wasn’t like it was a last minute decision. Regardless his heart murmur was there or not, he wasn’t going to stay home and attend classes. Breaking up with you wasn’t last minute, either. 

“I guess I should have been more understanding,” you admit, leaning back against the tree. 

“I spent nights trying to come up with what I was going to say, and when I was planning on saying it. I used to worry about the murmur, if I’d remember to feed Deacon, or telling my Mother about my plans for the future.”

“You weren’t sure about any of those things, Gene.”

“Seeing your face that night made me realize I’m never going to love anyone else the way I love you,” Eugene shook his head slowly. “I was definitely sure about that.”

“Loved,” you correct him.

“No, y/n. Love. I still love you, more than the stars reach the apex of this goddamn universe. I don’t think I’m ever gonna stop loving you. You’re really the answer God has given me after endless nights of praying for something good.”

“Then why didn’t you write me?”

“I had to find a way to move on. If it distracted me from fighting, I would have been as good as dead. Something in me died from the war, but the feelings I have for you are still here.”

You couldn’t help but smile a bit. “I love you more, Eugene.”

“So I hope it’s not too late to ask this,” Eugene said. “Miss Y/N Y/L/N, are you seeing anyone?”

You shook your head.

He raised his brows. “So for nearly four years, you haven’t been seeing anyone? Not one fella?”

“I tried to. I mean, I kept thinking you slept with a nurse.”

“Women weren’t even in my corner of the pacific, and nurses were there to do their jobs. Besides,” Eugene smiled. “I’d rather come home to the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known in Mobile.”

“Mary Houston?”

Eugene laughs. “I was talking about you. At least you’re humble.” He laughed harder when you started playfully slapping him on the chest repeatedly again. “Hey! But there’s no one I’d rather be with. I’m willing to start over, maybe pick up where we left off.”

“I would love that.” 

Eugene reached in his tux pocket, pulling out the golden necklace you loved wearing. “I believe this belongs to you.” He walked behind you, and began wrapping the necklace around your neck, clipping the lock together in place. “Y’know, after throwing it right at my face?”

“Sorry,” you blushed. “Don’t ever do that again; saying goodbye.”

“There is no goodbye.” He turned your head to face him using his finger under your chin. “There never was, just the old hello.”

You smiled again. 

“I’m gonna kiss you now.” He pulls you close to him. “Is that all right?”

“You can kiss me whenever you feel like it, Gene.” And you wouldn’t mind it one bit.

“Yes, ma’am.” And he leans in, kissing you almost a dozen times now, the overcoming nostalgia of the good time hitting once more. “And once I’m done kissing the daylights outta you, I’m bringing you inside. It’s been a while since I’ve danced with the love of my life.”

the end

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 10 favorite things about TFS?

Bold of you to assume I can narrow it down to just 10 things, but I’ll try my best. 

Here’s a list of things I LOVE about The Final Season of TWDG, starting from #10 and working my way down to #1.

10. Rosie is best girl and doesn’t die 

Listen, okay? If you give me a game with a doggo companion that I bond with only to have said doggo die for dramatic effect... you automatically lose 2 outta 5 stars on your rating. Case in point: Season 2.

However, tfs knew not to kill Rosie off for dramatic effect, knew it’d be cheap. Plus, Rosie is a sweetheart and I love that she helps Clementine come to terms with her past trauma with dogs and genuinely bonds with her. Rosie is best girl. 

9. Over the shoulder camera/controls 

They’re the best of the series, having come a LONG way since S1. Like, look... Don’t get me wrong. S1 isn’t unplayable or anything, far from it, but they’re not the greatest either. They’re pretty wonky at times, the fixed camera can get annoying when you’re moving around, and sometimes button presses don’t register. It’s definitely something I have to get used to whenever I go back and replay the entire series, and like I said, it’s not the worst controls in the world... but oh man, compared to TFS?

Have you ever played S1 and then jumped straight into TFS just to get a direct comparison of the two? Because I have and it’s jarring how much smoother, accurate, and overall better everything is in TFS.

Just... props, guys. Thank you for the over-the-shoulder, movable camera, thank you for the polished button prompts, and thank you for a run button that has Clementine go into a nice jog rather than a comical run or, eh... does nothing [lookin’ at you ANF... Javi slow].

It’s just so effortless to play. The most trouble I ever have is with doors but that’s a given- Doors make no goddamn sense in this series and I’ve given up trying to learn their secrets. Oh, and speaking of more improvements! 

The shooting mechanic in this game is leaps better than in S1. Y’all remember the Motor-Inn shootout? The one that was such a frustrating pain in the ass?? So much death and anger...

I still die sometimes when shooting the walkers with the bow, especially the ones that are on fire, but it’s nothing compared to the shooting mechanic in S1, so the biggest THANK YOU for that one. It’s actually enjoyable to shoot stuff this time around.

8. Collectibles 

You as Clementine get to pick up various collectibles to decorate her and AJ’s dorm with and it’s great. One of my favorite bits about this game is seeing Clementine wake up in this empty, lifeless room, and see it get brighter and brighter with every collectible you place throughout the game until you reach the final scene with AJ where the room is just FULL of life and personality. Like... it’s officially theirs. It’s such a good feeling! 

And the devs totally didn’t have to add the collectible system in, but I’m so thankful they did. I’m one of those people who gets every single collectible every single time I play. 

7. Ericson’s Boarding School for Troubled Youth

Y’know, I honestly can’t think of a better place for Clementine and AJ to end up than Ericson’s Boarding School for Troubled Youth. It’s awesome, I love it, what a great idea. I also love the sense of wonder when we step outside for the first time and see the inside of Ericson, as well as the others, walking around. Like even Clementine is taken back by it.

Because of course it makes sense for Clementine to end up in a school surrounded by people closer to her age rather than with a group of dumbass adults like in the past three games.

Here it feels like they’re all about on the same level. There’s no older person here belittling Clementine because “she’s just a child and doesn’t get it,” they’re just people, y’know? Hell, if anything, Clementine’s now the most experienced one!

The school’s great! I wouldn’t change a thing about TFS taking place here. The environments are beautiful and I love exploring the world. 

6. Marlon as an antagonistic character/final confrontation 

I have an entire Marlon character discussion/study so I won’t put too much time into this one, but I will say that I love Marlon’s part in tfs. I love him as a surprise antagonistic character, I love how chill he is in the beginning, I love the final confrontation at the end of ep1... I just really like Marlon, y’know?

Ray Chase gives a damn near perfect performance as Marlon, so much so that I wish he survived past ep1 just so that I could hear more of his acting. Marlon himself in an interesting look at a leader character hiding his shame and guilt while trying to maintain control over everyone [including himself] around him, only to be broken down when he’s found out. 

5. James 

I know people tend to be pretty split on James, but I personally really like his role in tfs. I love that they included a character who was apart of the Whisperers, and hell, if anything I’d like to know MORE about James’ past with them. 

I just find him and his whole “walkers are sort of people? kinda?” beliefs. Again, I know some people get annoyed with him because of his beliefs but I think he adds an interesting spin on the whole thing, y’know? Though I do love what a bitch he is if you don’t agree with him hahaha

James is a bitch and I love him, okay? I love his dumb walker mask, I love his dumb boyband hair, I love his whispery voice, and I love his backstory with the Whisperers and Charlie. I love this he’s trying so hard to be this pacifist that he ends up doing the literal thing he said he doesn’t want to do-- hurt people. Y’know... like attempting to kidnap AJ and threatening to break Clementine’s leg in the caves if he’s alive. 

Which, by the way, that whole cave scene is a thing. It’s wild and I love it but not for the reasons the devs probably wanted. Like... it’s a little hilarious? I know it’s not supposed to be! But I can’t take James seriously when he’s walkin’ around his hands on his hips all huffy and puffy, okay? It’s just wild. 

Anyway, I love James and wouldn’t get rid of him. Hell, I’m still waiting for my James with the Whisperers mini-series, Skybound. 

4. Ericson Crew

There isn’t a single character from Ericson that I don’t like, or that I’d get rid of, which is rare with these games. Thinking back to the previous games, there’s always at least one person I could do without or that I didn’t like. I adore all of them!

The Ericson crew just feels closer than previous groups. For starters, they’re way more likable than most in our previous groups. Even when there’s tension [and boy is there tension at points] you still get the sense that they don’t hate each other, unlike in our previous groups. They do in fact love each other as a family and will do what they can to protect one another.

Plus, they’re all interesting. They’re troubled youth and I love all of them! 

Aasim keeps a daily journal where he chronicles everything in hopes of learning from past mistakes to prevent future ones, he’s damn good with a bow, and he’s got a neat little soul patch on his chin.  

Ruby is the tiny yet fiery medic of the group who adamantly believes in manners yet used to chase teachers around with pitchforks. 

Brody is caught up in the twin mess with Marlon but she’s also shown to want an escape, a road trip where she and her friends can go see the beach, but she also suffers with anxiety and panic attacks and isn’t afraid to knock Marlon on his ass or swear at Clementine. 

Mitch is a grumpy, tall boy who looks after Willy like a brother, knows how to make bombs out of manure and propane, and used to fight his neighbors because they didn’t like his face. 

Omar is a sassy chef who has to have every ingredient just right otherwise he’s salty for a week and he can take a bullet to the leg like a champ. 

Willy’s a goober who can climb trees like you wouldn’t believe and he made a bomb of his own in Mitch’s honor that completely wrecked the delta’s ship. 

Tenn is a soft, naïve boy who draws and reads but isn’t afraid to stab a walker bitch if he has to. 

Violet was sent to the school after witnessing her grandmother’s dead, she used to date Minerva who is now “dead,” has abandonment issues,  tries to give off the appearance of a grumpy grump but like once she’s comfortable with you she’ll tell you her life story and do romantic shit like dancing and painting you a pin. 

Louis was sent to Ericson because he was a rich brat who broke up his parents marriage because they wouldn’t let him take singing lessons and has felt like garbage ever since, using humor to cope and push people away, and keeps the façade on until someone’s willing to see past it in which he’ll finally bare his soul to you, name a song he wrote after you, and do everything in his power to keep you and everyone else safe over himself. 

I just... Love ‘em all. 

3. Clementine and AJ’s dynamic 

To think that they almost killed AJ off, or kept him a minor character. That would’ve been a shame and an absolute waste because Clementine and AJ’s dynamic is super fucking good in tfs. 

It’s actually a little baffling that AJ’s as good as he is, from his writing to his voice acting, he’s just great. And his relationship with Clementine is definitely one of my favorites to come from this game. It’s not perfect, but I don’t want perfect. 

I love that AJ looks to Clem for guidance and I love the way our choices affect him, even when it’s a case of the bridge scene. Hate the bridge scene knowing that I gotta sacrifice a character I care about for another I love, but I can’t deny that I love how that choice is made. After everything, do you trust AJ or not? 

Plus, their conversations are so well done, their chemistry is through the roof, and I wouldn’t change it. 

Oh, and the barn scene? Gets me every time, even though I already know everything’s fine and gonna work out. Still gets me. 

2. Clementine is Bisexual

I’ve talked about this in the past, but lemme just say that I love the fact that Clementine is canonically bisexual. 

Doesn’t matter if you’re dating Louis, Violet, or no one, Clementine is still bisexual. The game confirms it through it’s text/subtext and Clementine’s actions that we don’t have control over, and the devs confirmed it. She ain’t straight, she ain’t a lesbian, she is bisexual. 

I can’t express how happy that makes me. Just... 💗💜💙

And with her being bisexual comes her two great love interests: Louis and Violet. They’re amazing, and such an improvement over the previous game’s attempt at love interests... ahem, y’know... Kate.

1. Louis as a character/his relationship with Clementine 

I mean... c’mon. Y’all knew what #1 was gonna be. Do I even need to explain? This entire blog is just me gushing about Louis/clouis. 

Look, Louis is my favorite non-playable character across the entire series. Hell, even when you factor in playable characters, he’s STILL my absolute favorite. Like, even outside of his relationship with Clementine, I find him to be such a compelling character by himself. 

Like I mentioned above, he came from a stupid rich family who gave him everything he ever wanted, but when his father wouldn’t let him take singing lessons, he literally worked for over a year to break up his parents marriage because “you get to be happy or you get to be rich, can’t be both.” 

He gets sent to Ericson where the apocalypse happens, he never gets to make up with his parents, and he ends up using jokes and piano as a coping mechanism to deal with everything, falls into a cycle of being unreliable and the butt of the joke, and lives one day at a time without much thought for the future. 

He puts on the happy jokester persona to push people away from knowing the real him and rarely shares much about himself. Hell, when Clementine does hunting and decides to take care of the walker with him, he actually does let down the wall for a minute to share his view on “this moment” before looking away like “Oof, shared too much-- HEY, GO CHECK ON AASIM :D I’LL BE OVER HERE :D FIXING THE TRAP :D and adjusting the wall ahem--” 

It’s so interesting because you’d think that he’d be more open about his past with Marlon or the twins or whatever [like Violet is] but no, he doesn’t tell you shit about his past until EPISODE 3 and you have to work to get that story. 

I just... I just love him. Could talk about and analyze his character for hours. And I love his relationship with Clementine. It’s just so good. The piano scene where they finally admit their feelings for one another?? That shit has my entire heart. Their entire relationship is my favorite. What else is there to say? 

[alovevigilante]

A conversation with self. By: Kari Keillor

me: well, all I know is that I think about a lot of things both consciously and subconsciously that affect my feelings and mood in my present moment. And when I internally discuss things that are hurtful, like reminding myself of people who don’t value or appreciate me, or, have treated me poorly in the past, I tend to get upset … within myself. Does that make sense?

Bigger Me: sure, cause I’m you. But let’s clarify for all those who aren’t. You’re saying that you think about things that are not kind about yourself, or, better put, you choose to recall things that don’t serve you for a better outcome.

me: yes. And for clarity’s sake, I’m going to call my higher self, “we” since I’m connected to everyone, and everyone is a more fair consensus, than just me.

Bigger Me: agreed. We, are “we” from here on out.

me: cool.

Bigger Me: ok, so now we can refer to “you”, Kari, as “you”, and ourselves, also a part of you, as “we”.

me: yeah.

Bigger Me: got it. Now, where were we.

me: In me! But more figuratively you were clarifying being “we”.

Bigger Me: right. Ok.

me: Listen, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but if you are upset with me, and thinking negative things about me in our head, maybe you need to square things up with you, first, and not me.

Bigger Me: right, we agree. But we, remember, are a facet of you. So, we will aid in the squaring up.

me: and yes, it doesn’t escape me that I feel insane sometimes, and I’m talking to myself in my online journal.

Bigger Me: Listen Kari, we experience what you do, so let’s save the judgement and just continue chatting til we feel better. Deal?

me: Deal.

Bigger Me: Ok, let’s begin by saying that we’re your support team. We’re a part of you, but also connected to everyone else too. But we are here for you whenever you need us, and even when you think you don’t.

me: Thank you. I appreciate that.

Bigger Me: Great. So since we’re your internal guidance, we want what you truly want. And it’s your choice as to what energy we guide you with, since your filter will only allow whatever energy you’re ready to accept. And you are the person we’re focusing on right now. Make sense?

Me: Go on…

Bigger Me: alright, we believe you’re seeing yourself and other people in a not so great, kinda “eh” way. You believe you are mostly disliked by all who know you, and you review that frequently in your mind. We aren’t saying it, you are. But we’re all experiencing the energy of your opposing thoughts to what and how you truly are.

Me: yes. I’m not always down with people these days. Especially myself.

Bigger Me: …yes… and you are missing people being kind to you. And since you’ve alienated yourself from all those people in the physical, you are not being kind to you, by thinking about all the ways you have perceived and experienced the proof of your beliefs that you are not liked.

me: yes. I tend to be reactive to the energy that I perceive they are emitting to me.

Bigger Me: ok, right. Fair enough.

me: I usually am.

Bigger Me: well, since we are a facet of you, we agree.

me: yes! I knew there was a reason I enjoyed talking to you. But what happens when you like people, but you don’t agree with their interpretation of you, meaning me? That discord is hard to overcome, especially when their opinion is how ass I am.

Bigger Me: well, that’s just the thing.

me: what is?

Bigger Me: well, if that resonates, that’s what you need to look at. That’s how you may feel about yourself. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t affect you as much being labeled as that, because it wouldn’t be near to your higher vibrational state. But if you are close to agreeing with that ass statement, you’re gonna inevitably feel it.

me: damn…

Bigger Me: yeahhhh! Shit!

me: ok. Unfortunately I can’t get further away from the feeling of ass to experience much else right now, cause that’s all I’m replaying over and over in my head as of late.

Bigger Me: we know. That’s why we’re discussing. We think the thing to do is become in solidarity with the truth of the matter, and that is that you’re actually a loving, good person.

me: “unconditional love” is a little too lofty of an energy to leap to from where I’ve been recently and currently reside. I’ve been taking up a seemingly permanent residence in ass gulch, especially after I think about things about my past that support the hypothesis held by others and now by myself, that I suck.

Bigger Me: yes, we feel it.

me: so you see where I’m coming from then?

Bigger Me: of course we do. We’re you.

me: right. I keep forgetting…

Bigger Me: well, you’re currently writing about how people think you suck, thereby focusing on that, and reexperiencing the feeling of it. And we gotta say, we all hate it.

me: yeah. Me too.

Bigger Me: right! So, in short of getting a frontal lobotomy, maybe the path of least resistance would be to be more aware of what we’re thinking and what kinds of thoughts we entertain from here on out.

me: listen, that’s too tall of an order for me to do all the time. One can go insane and argue that I already have by writing this conversation with myself, let alone get lost in the minutiae of paying attention to every little thought I have ever. Also, I don’t have many friends left in which to share all this with.

Bigger Me: well, considering your current energetic state, we venture to say that that’s probably a good thing.

me: how so?

Bigger Me: well, you wouldn’t want to pass this ass to someone else, would you?

me: no. They may catch it.

Bigger Me: right. So going back to what we normally discuss, becoming more of yourself is cool and all, but your issue is when you bring the new “you” to the old energy, it’s not jiving so well. Because when you finally go back to interact with the other people that share your world, you become fearful that you will be rejected for it.

me: is that what the issue is?!

Bigger Me: well, we are a part of you, but we are also a part of everyone else too, so we have a slightly bigger perspective…

me: ok. Well, what about the people who don’t like me? Sometimes I construe their behavior as less than kind towards me, on purpose.

Bigger Me: seeing the world through the fear filter will garner that reactive, defensive energy. You will keep finding proof of your thoughts and beliefs, and you’ll keep creating situations for you to defend yourself. It’s a vicious cycle. The next time you feel defensive in a situation try this: when you feel attacked, go to a place in your head where there’s no argument, and no insult to fight against.

me: I can’t go there in my head immediately! People will think I’m nuts, or a pushover if I start talking about the calla lilies being in bloom as an answer to their insulting everything about me.

Bigger Me: can’t be any worse than what you perceive people think of you already. What do you care?

me: well, unfortunately I do.

Bigger Me: that’s the whole issue.

me: you have to at least be in the same reality as they are, don’t you?

Bigger Me: well, if you come from the preexisting, already established reality of insult and abuse, which incidentally always stems from fear of inadequacy, then you will continue the chain of abuse by accepting it. But, if you choose to have a filter of love, the weird stuff you claim people do and say to you won’t even register to you as such. Your filter in turn wouldn’t resonate or pick up the insult, or, if it does, you won’t care. Cause love overrides it. You end up filtering anything not love, out.

me: oh. I guess I never thought of it like that before, or I have, but I forgot.

Bigger Me: that’s why we check in.

me: let’s just say, that i say something kind to a jerk fach, and they gut punch me, are you saying I won’t feel it?

Bigger Me: well, first of all, you’ll feel it. And thereafter every time you think about it. But if you were to accept the energy of love you’d only have to experience the pain once, if that was the case. Also, if you were in the love energy, you wouldn’t label them as a “jerk fach” to begin with… and probably not have been open to being in the position of being gut punched, either physically or emotionally. In that case that’s still you choosing to hold and engage in some “not so great” energy. And that’s not love.

Secondly, people who are primarily choosing to experience and live in the energy of love aren’t usually around people who don’t, because the two energies don’t resonate. If they do happen to cross paths, which can sometimes occur, it doesn’t usually last for long. Everyone needs to, and will experience and be exposed to both contrast and love depending on life’s circumstances. There’s always a choice presented in every situation.

me: ok, but what if someone labels you as a jerk fach, and then gut punches you for no apparent reason…

Bigger Me: then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then, don’t focus on the negative eventualities that are most likely not probable.

me: got it.

Bigger Me: Kari, you are a loving person. We appreciate your willingness to be open about your life, and wanting people to understand that everyone has an internal monologue that they are playing out both in their heads, and in their lives according to how they feel. You deciding to be honest about yours, is beneficial to the whole of all of us, regardless of who reads this or not. Because just the mere creation of the energy is enough to create a catalyst for change. It’s out there, and we are too. Life is how you decide to perceive it. Deciding to explore your feelings and your thoughts that aid in how you feel is a fast track to developing a way to your happiness. This is for anyone, including you. So, be you, and don’t worry about how you are perceived and treated by others. Because when your sole focus is love, that is all you’ll see and experience.

me: thanks for caring.

Scene.

[mytwitterisdogtoast1]

Kingdom Hearts 3 broke my heart.

I am a fan of Kingdom Hearts. i've been here through the first game and even though I grew up without the money to play every game I stuck with the series as best I could. In fact I've bought multiple copies of games on multiple systems and beat a couple of the games not just once but 3 or more times. Here is a list of the things I've done involving this series.

1: I bought KH1/2/COM on more than one system such as ps2,3, and 4. 2: I've played and beaten on the hardest difficulty on each main installment (except critical mode of 3) 3: I have 100% KH1 which might not seem like a big deal but it is the only game I have 100% ever. Got all the trophies and so on. 4: I stuck with the story and even recently before 3 came out played and beat most of the games. (except DDD since it wasn't my kind of deal since I don't like the flowmotion part of the combat.)

You could say I'm a fan of the games and have done what I can to in general keep up with the series as well as have enjoyed the series.

But then 3 came out and I was just not happy with it. After waiting for so long and playing the game and screaming and ranting about certain plot points that just don't make sense to me (KH is notoriously hard to keep up with plot wise and I am just not the brightest person in the world when it comes to shit. Like I really need some things explained outright for me and to some degree do not mind spoilers for some things) I swore off KH the entirety from now on cause it was just that bad of a game for me. It wasn't a horrible game but the direction they started taking it in was just so far removed from what the original 2 games in the numerical series were that this was just NOT Kingdom Hearts at all. Sure you can say it is a love letter to the biggest of fans but I can say that a letter to regular fans was something it needed to do more than cater to such a rabid fanbase compared to a regular fanbase. I thought this was unfair and then bought Memory of Melody. That is now the worst game in the series to me. So I dived into what people thought and looked at a ton of youtubers who played the game and saw what they thought. I looked at reviews of non youtubers and read what they thought and the game has made the fanbase more divided than anything I'd ever seen from a fanbase. So I replayed the game with the intent to write down all I felt on the game to give it a fair review. Like I said I'm a filthy casual and I can give stuff a large break when it comes to media and have a large understanding of what that thing is meant to be. Sometimes a product is meant to be a certain way and we have to enjoy it for what it is and I can try and do that. I mean I love the WWE and Yugioh and anyone who is a part of those fanbases knows in their hearts (kek hearts) how bad those things can be at times. So I played the game and wrote down all the thoughts I had on it and Some might be easy to explain while others are in general probably at least fair on how I feel about it.

Kingdom Hearts is a series not meant for the new comer. It knows what it wants to be and does that thing. It isn't here to make everyone happy and that is just absolutely fine in general. I've been a fan and it makes me happy that the game is one long story that I can appreciate and make call backs to in stuff. I remember being so rewarded when I looked at my then best friend who skipped over chain of memories (I had to emulate it but I think it was fair of me to do so since I bought the game 3 times since now that I have the money to do so) and said he knew what happened because he saw the cutscene of Sora reaching the top and Namine betraying him by putting him into a pod. I laughed at him cause he was a fool who knew nothing of how the story went cause he foolishly just thought he didn't NEED to play the game. This made me more invested into the series than he was. I stuck with the series reading up articles and even watching videos on the series for stuff I missed out on since again i couldn't afford everything. They were building a story over a decade long and at the end it just didn't do it for me. It's not that the story wasn't the end of the series in general. Heck gotta make dat' money Y'all but in general this was the end of a saga for Xehanort and it just didn't cut it. But maybe I'm not starting at the right spot to give my feelings on it. Maybe I'm coming fresh off a game play and feeling a rant building for multiple reasons. So let me start with the positives before I bury the list under a pile of problems for me.

So I'll be putting things in order of good, mixed, bad. They will be somewhat fair and if they have an answer you have my sincerest apologies but remember I'm slightly the "dumb" and would in general like to just get simple straight answers. Something simple and clean if you would. On that note

1: The starting song is a god damned banger - Face my fears is up there with sanctuary which is better than Simple and clean. To be fair though simple and clean was made in like a flight and pretty much is nonsensical to the game in general. However it is a good song. How could it not be with one of japans best pop artists? Have you heard sakura drops? Colors? Traveling? Apples and cinnamon? Fuck man this song is just really good. 2: The game looks great - Sure the game might not look like ps2 graphics anymore but this isn't a bad thing it just is a different thing. The only time I thought it looked bad was during the pirates area where they had to make real people. Sometimes it is better to have a different art theme and even if something is just ok at best during it it can still be over all great. Everyone looked good during it. It just in general looked like a new version of KH entirely. 3: You can power up keyblades - One of the best parts of the game is powering up keyblades. Now sure mickey saying "we should have powered up our keyblades" is a stupid line in general when they are magic items and not fully meant to break form normal stuff but i think the ability to latch onto a key and make that sucker your main key is a great idea. Finally I can power up keys like sweet memories or the kingdom key and go through the cutscenes with the keyblade never changing and it look like it's meant to be there. 4: The whole getting treasure for sinking ships - Even if in general people might not like the ship combat the idea of being a pirate and stealing treasure from a ship when you sink one of the large ones is one of the best thematical ideas in the game. You can just sail the ocean and just pirate ship for loot if you wanted to and since you get xp during it and get your ship to be better it just is a great idea in its entirety. 5: Rikus keyblade - That is one of the better keyblades. I'm not gonna lie but the final fantasy cloud based keyblades where they are more realistic have been one of my favorite designs and I am sad i can't throw it on sora. I like the idea of an actual blade instead of a blunt weapon in the game since it just feels cooler sometimes. Riku getting a keyblade that not only looks more like a sword but is also still a key for a more modern car is one of the cooler things they have ever put in. 6: The call back to union cross players - This was a little lover note to people who played the game. They grabbed a ton of names and threw them in as you threw hundreds of keyblades at the giant heartless storm mob thing. I think it is great and even if I didn't play one of the names that pops up is my actual name so I find that pretty cool whenever I see it.

And that is it. Those are the best parts of KH3 to me. Everything else is either a mixed bag or just not good. I'm sure you can tell which one has more in it. As for the stuff that is in the middle of both good and bad let me make it clear that some stuff that is bad will probably be talked about in the bad section because it needs its own commentary.

1: All the party members - I always was a little sad having to remove one of the characters in my party to add the one new person they wanted to add in and was always sad at that limitation but with 3 you can now have ALL THE MEMBERS. This is great because now I have access to all of my forms with donal...... Oh right, they're not in the game anymore. 2: Nice to one and done an area - Back in the day when I first played the original first game I never went back cause I beat the level and thought it was extra stuff. When I got older and playued through 2 I was a little impatient and just didn't want to keep going back. Now as I am older and wiser and more patient I just do the thing cause it's a part of the game and deal. Thankfully it is all in one trip which is good CAUSE I DON'T WANNA FUCKING PLAY THESE LEVELS EVER AGAIN. 3: I'm gonna say it and people are gonna question me (probably not I'm not a large content creator thus people probably don't care about my opinion so strange of you to be here reading this) but I fucking hate winnie the pooh. I don't like him as a person and I'm just not a fan of his entire world. I only like Eeyore and not cause "gosh that's how I feel" Eeyore is the fucking man. He never lets his bad mood get him down and he powers through even when life is shit. Good for him man. Love that guy. Such a trooper. I just don't like pooh but the levels. God Kingdom Hearts mini games are just mostly not fun in general so not having to play so many mini games in poohs level is fantastic. EXCEPT EVERY WORLD HAS A DAMNED MINI GAME IN IT. 4: Speaking of mini games the ship combat is fine. - It's just, fine. 5: I had so much money - I don't remember playing any other game having so much money. I remember caring and investing and even trying to get money to spend on stuff in some points and in here it just.... I never spent it until i got bored and started using food. I didn't use food until the last world and beyond cause I wanted to finish the game faster. I mean the change of pace having money is nice but there was nothing really to do with it. Maybe I should have bought Hayner, Pence and Olette a ton of pretzels with it. 6: Playing as any other keyblade wielder - Man this was one of those great moments that I was excited to do. Having played as many other characters during other games was always nice and refreshing and being able to do so here was great. It got me excited to play as Mickey again since I got to use him a few times in KH2 or to be able to use Ventus or Aqua again cause they were gonna be saved and be able to fight in the upcoming battle. That is you know. If they are used in the game more than one time each. 7: Giant heartless battle - One of the best moments in the game was the "goofy just died" moment. Not because The goof man "died" but because you got to solo fight a crowd of enemies and in this game it was so cool to have that call back. The shit icing on that beautiful cake was having to use the train to win. Like it just felt like I was making no progress and I can't on my own fight the enemies and no matter how hard you try you can never stop the enemies ever. 8: The what if scenario - The group dying was pretty cool and was a great what if but would have been better if they didn't come back to the past and have Ventus run up and think it was Terra again. It was cool for the lingering will to step in and help but even then the whole situation was so stupid that it could have been written better. What if instead of doing the whole scenario it was a mind fuckery to sora to put him down mentally like they had been trying to entire game. What if it showed him losing and that it was possible? Instead we got this long winded scenario where people didn't learn from their first mistake and tried to go run up to Terra when in that moment Aqua when Ven tried going should have grabbed his shoulder and said "you know it's not him so let's just get ready to fight"

Those are the mixed bag moments I was commenting on. Some things are fine and aren't really an issue except the are a part of a bigger problem in itself which makes them a mixed bag. The last part's I'll be writing about are pretty much a giant rant or asking questions to things. There are problematic points I'll be making as well. So now let's look at the bad stuff in KH3. However, before I get into it, I want to also write down the not as bad stuff as well as some of the really big stuff so I'll make sure to point out when it is a gripe that isn't the worst thing in the world compared to it actually being not good.

1: Nitpick/The social media is dumb - Look I'm not much of a social media person and I know todays kids and teens are all about that jazz and such but man this part of the game is pretty dumb. I am in no way too old to "get hip with it grandpa" and think social media is a bad thing. Times and things change but WHY IS THIS A THING? Sora and friends are out saving the world and probably do not know about current phones since they are so busy. They would be like really old people trying to catch up with todays world and just in general should not have time enough to do it. Sure giving a phone is fine which whatever they can just add in ways to contact which again makes the phone fine but social media is dumb. What platform are they on? Who is following them? What world is this being sent to in general? Does anyone really care?

2: Nitpick/Why 7 VS 13? - I think the number is just really off. Ok look the original organization 13 was fine. Having 14 members in it wasn't a big deal and sure fighting them seperately and not all in one game made me a little sad until final mix came out but at least i got to fight Marluxia in all his pretty boy glory. The point I make is they just seem to have stuck with the 13 which is fine I guess? It just seemed like it was more or less there for no real reason. Sure we would have to fight every single Xehanort around such as Ansem, Xemnas, Terranort, Xigbar who works with old man Xehanort, Young Xehanort, Old man Xehanort. If you also in general wanted him to have each good guy fight a bad guy we would need one for each single keyblade wielder to come out. So let's say Kairi and Axel were just gonna join in so we can have for whatever reason Xion and Roxas just pop out to fight people. We would have need for a total of 7 enemies to fight. Let's just use these guys here as people for people to fight. We can have terranort fight someone before he comes back as lingering will to fight and get his body back. We can have Kairi fight Xion until she defects in general and fights another person with her. We can have axel fight Xemnas so he can get revenge and then have him lose and Roxas can come out. So on and so forth until we have just enough for each person to be matched with another person. You wouldn't need to stretch and find whatever you can and just fill the numbers. You could have at that point just filled it with villains you knew you wanted on your team. Not just bring back generic dudes who don't even need to be here. I'll get more into that in a moment but the numbers just seem off and could have been anything not 7 v 13 but like I said. Nitpick.

3: The plot of Sora flying around this time is a little weak. - So Sora lost his powers and needs to get them back. So he fucks off for a bit until he can regain the powers. Wouldn't it be better if he also trained with Kairi and Axel? What about just going into the realm of darkness to help the others get Aqua? What if instead of just going back and forth to each Disney world like he normally did he in general just.....trained. See the point of the other games was "close the keyholes of the world so heartless stop getting in. Stop those nobodies from opening Kindom Hearts." Kind like saving the world is a great motivation to have compared to "fuck off until you are good or something". It's one of the biggest issues in general. Now if he was told something more substantial than "you need the power of waking" than it would have made the grind through much better. Add in a new plot element for him to need to travel to lands in general so he can earn the power of waking. Send him to places to get that shit instead of "get stronger". You think I can't just do that shit with story? Shit's boring man lemme do stuff.

4: You cannot turn off attractions - That is without playing critical mode. Man Attractions are in general one of the worst parts of the game. Sure I find it hilarious when I'm fighting an important boss (such as Xemnas) and I last hit him with a merry go round but in general they just suck. They aren't fun and they slow the games combat down with a cinematic. Sure they can be "avoided" and I "don't have to use them" but they exist in the game. They are the creators vision and he wants you to use them. If they didn't want it to be a huge part of the games combat system they wouldn't add it in and the fact that it shows up so often just kinda proves they want you to use the thing. Combat in here is very floaty if you haven't noticed and a more grounded approach is sometimes best. This is what the attractions do since they still try and attack you thus getting closer to the attraction in the first place. It's really a jarring object. Telling me not to use it while having the chance to actually accidentally press the button is frustrating. It's the smaller version of telling someone don't be mad when they are mad or try not to be depressed. It's hard to avoid and the answer isn't just "don't do it." Especially when the game puts in abilities to make them more prominent such as extending the time on them. Another point on this is that if the developer wanted them to be optional they wouldn't sometimes be mandatory or even show up during boss fights. Either this was an added on horse shit thing where Disney was like "add attractions or we're done" or Nomura just was like "i recently went to disney land and you gotta put this in it's dope". Joke aside it is one of the worst parts of the game since I can't turn them off and it is hard to get around them. Let me turn them off fully or let them be used as an ability where you can add them in if you want it. Customization should be more of a thing than a gimmick you keep getting. Also they show up so often and I believe in every enemy spawn group. Multiple times even if you miss it the first time. Having so much prominence placed onto this one mechanic just shows they went in hard on it and sure if it was just the rock titan or just the horde of heartless at the end or maybe even rare I wouldn't find it much of a problem but it is EVERY FREAKING COMBAT. I hit that button on accident more times than I wanted to that in general I was trying to use a spell but I missed it by seconds or something and the carnival ride started up and I just said "god dammit" and had to end it dealing a burst of damage since you can't just stop it, it has to go full swing. Also only in critical mode is kind of bullshit. Add it to every mode in the game and it'll be less of an issue.

5: Nitpick/Sora is an idiot - Look I don't mean the whole "he's so stupid now he just is always happy or has dumb dialogue" I mean the idiot tried to touch fire and instead of water magic which he now has and I spammed on the fire balls he walked up to a freaking inferno of flames and just tried to see if it was hot by touching it with his bare hands. Shit Sora you dumb fuck Goofy had a better idea than the mage and the main character and he's not always the brightest. Fuck you.

6: There is too much stuff in this game - Way too many mechanics and most of them are on forever. You have so much you can do such as the shotlock, Flowmotion, Carnival rides, Extra forms, Summoning the fat cat dream pokemon, so many mini games,  just so much shit and I'm sure I forgot something. Now look I can let go of the whole "cat" thing because it is a summon and those are normal but in general it just feels like the entire game was overloaded with everything from every other game EXCEPT for cards and if we don't have cards for character upgrades or something it feels like a waste. (that's a joke) The point is that there is too much stuff and it's all filler and fluff and we can just have a nice game without 10,000 things to learn in the first section of the game.

7: Nitpick/ I think the selfies are just dumb - I've taken a total of maybe 5 selfies. All of which are to show a single person in that specific moment. Selfies don't really do much in the world we play in for KH3 and I just think it is in general a dumb game mechanic. However it is not required to do so it's not a big deal to have in. Just another nitpick.

8: Food and cooking - Look, this is not monster hunter. This is not another game where food is an important detail and sure I don't mind the addition of it if you really wanna put it in but it does make the game easier when used. In that direction fine making a game easier isn't a bad thing, however, constantly telling me now is a good time to find ingredients for little chef is annoying every time. I could figure it out if I really wanted it but in general since it is an optional mechanic to which I can just buy the parts for it and even the food at a kupo shop than what is the point in adding in the game play mechanics for it? The mini games are dumb and take too long to do for such a small mini game. Crack and egg get soup. Nothing else but crack an egg. So than the game is too short for a mechanic I'm supposed to do often? Why not add in a larger game so that I can help him create the object one time to see if he likes it and then when he adds it on I can order the object from him. Don't add it into the kupo store if I you want me to make it and don't make me make it be so tedious if you want me to make it. Also why is sora cooking at all? It's Remys passion not mine. He's even shown to run a packed restaurant all on his own at the end of the game in the credits scene.

9: More customization please - Here's a major issue I have with the game. There is less customization compared to other games. This is strange as in general it seems to be the same. The problem is this. I have to use flowmotion in the game. It is not an option because in certain levels it is a legitimate requirement to use for moving elsas castle. It is required in a couple other places as well but the point still stands. I need to have them equipped in order to make progress. The fact that in KH2 I could turn off big moves from team members but cannot now takes the agency away from me from making my fighting style more what I want to do. This means in order for me to really enjoy the game I have to really accept mechanics I was not a fan of in DDD. Maybe having an option for character customization such as turning off forms, and what special attacks you wanna do would be nice instead of giving everything under the sun. Do I want to be a fast mobile fighter? Than make that a character level abiliy choice instead of just making me have it from the start and also making it mandatory for levels. Allow me to remove the big moves with my team and stop making them always on since I never liked them. Sure I can ignore them but it comes down to the same thing as the attractions. Sometimes you cannot avoid hitting the wrong thing. This also goes into the whole magic sucking ass in this game. Every spell is offensive and thus it just feels like it is the same. Wanna do a little small thing with some damage? Wanna do massive damage comparatively? It just feels like they wanted to simplify the whole having a summon, having a spell, having 2 items on or something along those lines. This stops you from having more options on your character and just stream lines you in to a generic build. I didn't use ice once past the first time finding out its pretty much a fire ball. I used cure, fire, water, thunder. Thunder for crowds, fire for damage, water for crowds also because I just stopped caring and cura cause I heal all my damage cause DONALD NEVER HEALS YOU. WE'RE 4000 GAMES IN MAKE DONALD HEAL BETTER. This again comes back to the limits. Let me turn them off since I do not like them. If they worked as magic they would be better cause the magic sucks ass in the game. I mostly after a while stopped doing any real care in magic and just used healing. This also comes back to the original abilities in second form that you can unlock via smacking them with your keyblade. They would be nice since the magic in the game again sucks ass so having something to use magic bar that is not cure would be a nice touch.

10: For a guy who lost his powers I sure have a ton of abilities right away - Remember when in the beginning of each game you lost all your powers and had to slowly unlock everything and it would come to you not just willy nilly? Man those were the days. Could earn powers for reasons. I'm not helpless in the game if I can run up mountains or sky scrapers. If I can glide with the shotlock from one spot to another. I'm too strong if anything at the start and it just makes you feel like the game is padding time before the small amount of story at the end that matters. This could have literally been with the final chapter prologue and it would have worked fine. But no, we didn't get that. That leads into us just spending time until something happens. The story has its own issues (which I will touch up on near the end) and it has some really bad pacing issues. There is bad pacing, and then there is bad writing because of bad pacing. Why not put some shit in the middle. Show I'm getting better instead of just having me just do everything all at once.  That's not really an issue if they space parts of it in or let me play as the other characters while sora is fucking off for power. Imagine if they added in more parts with Riku while Sora quests for strength. Imagine us going through the land of darkness instead of just Disney world after Disney world. Imagine what we could have had had it not just been all the Disney stuff then the finale all at once. It wasn't bad pacing for the end to pick up, it was bad pacing for there to be nothing in the middle. This is where the final fantasy characters could have been nice. Adding in the end of the Cloud and Sephiroth stuff so we can fight for more power there. Having us talk with Leon and the gang while they battle with some heartless just in the area and needing help. This would have made better pacing since it would have cut the monotony of the Disney grind. There are times when you just sit there waiting for stuff to happen as you run through world after world waiting for plot in general to just move forward. This does not mean it is bad pacing, this just means there is nothing important going on and leads to the story just falling short of being gripping and engaging. I again bring up the final fantasy characters because let's face it, if they did exist it would give something in general more time to flesh out. There is nothing to do but repeated disney movies that either play out like normal or that you play no real part in since it is after the story in the whole movie. Sure it was great to see what happened with boo and the monsters but Randall just is there and I'm sure he was gone at the end of the first movie. In fact after using my Disney plus account (#notsponsored) to just hit the end of the movie it shows him in a trailer getting beat with a shovel. He probably got back but still.

11: The combat is too "floaty" - I'm in the sky like fucking constantly man. Like all the time. Which is a bad thing since the fucking god damned level creation is now just a tall hallway. See I say tallway (patent pending) beause the level of the game is still pretty small but now it just also goes up a long way. I know this because there are so many flashing walls that there should be seizure warnings in the beginning of the game. It doesn't stop either since in general you have to climb high and doing so brings you ledges and if you have to hit people flying then you are gonna fall. Sure we can use magic but magic runs out and is complete ass. Now look this isn't just me saying it can happen since it does right in the hercules area. The first area where they could have been testing thing and probably did which means someone dealt with this shit and said it was fine enough to pass. That's just bad game mechanics right there. If you want me to be floaty in combat that do not put ledges I can fall down in your game. I do not want to climb all the way back to the top just to get into more fights I might fall down because of. Maybe make the parts I'm on bigger platforms. It just seems they want us to use the attractions because you can't fall off the safe attractions. Another thing is that it isn't just combat that is "floaty" but your movement is also a little too fast. Making larger areas and then making us speed up into a sprint is fine but having me stop right next to a save spot inches too short of touching it only for me to Vroom Vroom right over it because of how fast and far I move is god damned infuriating. It also continues combat wise as an issue in that once you get the ability to knock people up you start going into air combat and smacking them away and you can do that so much since in general the areas you fight in are so large that you can knock a single heartless out of the spawning area enough that you have to run back to fight it.

12: Proud mode is a fucking joke - I think I died a total of one time in proud mode which is probably more than others. See the difficulty has been said to be really easy on this games play through and I'm inclined to believe them. Here is the thing. I know critical mode now exists. I just don't like it. See critical mode was doable in 2 since it was just again harder stuff but in this it is no longer you playing KH3. It is you playing Dark Souls which if I wanted to play that kind of game I'd pop in my copy of bloodborne or turn on my copy of dakr souls 2 which in general I'm not a huge fan of so I stopped playing those games. Difficulty in a game is fine but there is going from hard to fuck why am I playing dark souls? No I'm not the kind of guy who says anything hard is dark souls because I grew up in the era of gaming where games had one difficulty and you had to learn to "get gud" or deal with never winning. Even if I was never good at games I didn't shy away from things being difficult. There is however an exception that the game changes so drastically that there is no happy medium between pants shittingly hard or baby mode. The other thing is that in general DLC should not dictate if a game is good on its own. DLC is meant to enhance the fucking experience and should not make me want to have to buy something (this was free) to get a god damned happy experience out of something that cost me top dollar to begin with. If I need your DLC to have fun or enjoy the story than you clearly missed the damned mark. DLC is extra boss battles. It is final mix of the game when it comes out. It turns your vanilla play through into more than what it once was. It adds aesthetics to the game not makes the game difficult and if it does it doesn't make the game different to such a degree that I'd rather fucking play a game that was created to be that difficult because their combat system is hand crafted for said difficulty. Secondly on that list of being too easy who the fuck thought kupo coins was a good idea. I literally just stopped giving a shit since I could use my now always full magic bar since magic is ass to heal when I needed it and to just run away with my big fucking area during battles and not take damage until I could go in and do slappies for a while before running away and gauging if I need to heal and then if I died come back to life. With all the power moves and free attractions each combat I could have beaten proud mode without gimping myself by trying to not use attractions. The forms didn't help with that either because I would just second form and have a brand new powerful thing to do since it was right there. Not only that but rage form is a full heal and why am I heartless sora again? Either way rage form into run away fast because I run like I'm form kenya with all the movement abilities and then with kupo coin and magic makes the difficulty in here easier than "just don't use it". Mostly because it is implemented in the game and they want you to use it. Telling someone not to use the thing is again stupid because if they didn't want me to use it they would remove the feature. This is no longer a kids game. I'm over 10 years older than I once was and I'm a big boy and want to not be treated like a child. Sure they could be putting it in for kids but why not just have it in easy mode since kids will either do easy mode or know they want that extra challenge.

13: Many of the fights and heartless are just not that good compared to earlier games - So firstly the giant horde of heartless was cool one time. Each time you fight it it gets more and more boring and feels like a cop out on trying to make a good battle and a "oh man this is such a cool idea lets use it alot more than we need to". For a game that was in development for 6 years you think they would have more varied enemies and fights and by that I mean more better heartless. Also some of the heartless are just kinda eh in general. Not only that but the places we visit feel like the heartless are kinda thrown in there and they just made way less enemies than normal. Maybe that is me forgetting if other games did the same thing but I can remember many places having more unique enemies that made more sense. Like why is the monkey heartless here? This is not the time to return to monke or some shit like that and it makes 0 sense when I have to fight it in more than one area. How about the lady heartless with the umbrella. Doesn't fit in every single place it shows up and just feels like it is there. Sometimes they do a nice job putting in certain heartless such as the reindeer which I thought was a nice touch but i don't remember them interacting at all with the reindeer from frozen. I also in general remember each heartless having a newer form such as the fat heartless eventually turned into fire breathers and then eventually into shield dudes. They do not make a reappearance but the fat ones show up all over the place and it would be nice to fight things that are great for the area. Some just also have eh designs and the game just feels poorly made because of it. Some bosses are just boring as well. In fact off the top of my head I can't really remember one I like but I sure as shit can remember the one I hated most which happens to be the airship section where you board a machine gun heartless to fight that sky bird thing in the pirates section. I even found the robots in general tedious because they were hard to beat without the use of the robot suits and felt like another tacked on gimmick to use to make combat more easy. Had they been a single section and not everywhere in the store it would have been cooler but instead we had many fights to do with robots who almost always wrecked my shit. In fact it ruined combat a little for me in general and made the section of toy story a little less good. See most of these issues I have with the places are the grand scale of things and having to go back and forth with them with having really unmemorable heartless for the most part and just not finding the game to be that great with some of the more important parts. Enemies help to flesh the game out to be cooler and as much as I love the generic heartless the worlds make the heartless cooler by making them change to be better suited for the world they are in. Having extra enemies like nobodies and unversed without having much of a reason to have them there other than "you remember this right?" seems like a waste of design chances. Some just either were frustrating tank sponges and the others were just not good. The other issue is some bosses appeared numerous times and just didn't feel impressive when fighting them since they just keep coming back. The giant heartless who I saw in hercules mode coming back on the bridge where you first meet Baymax makes the scene not great since it is a simple color swap at most and it is the same thing again. A lot of the bosses in general just feel ok at best too design wise. I can look back at many of the designs and just name really enjoyable ones who are better than the ones we got here. Honestly the designs are just so much of a let down I don't even wanna revisit the stages which is good because the game just isnt that much fun. One of the more unfun parts of enemies is also the shield stuff they have sometimes which is just more ways to give them extra health. Why not just in general just give them more health since it is just a way to beef them up? Not only are they now mostly damage sponges but the fact that some turn into shielded damage sponges just makes me less happy to fight things. The worst version of unfun boss happens to be the lich at the end when you need to rescue everyone from it. The thing is that it not only takes forever and makes you have to fight it numerous times but it also has the ability to make you unlock from it and in such large areas that becomes tedious to deal with lengthening the entire fight from the already long fight it is.

14: Quick speed round of things I don't like that are just not as good as earlier games - Magic sucks in this game. It's all relatively the same since it is all offensive. Aero was in general the same as thunder since it is aoe with a secondary effect. Water, Fire, Ice are all the same as they shoot a ball of the element that homing devices onto an enemy and when not in general locked on fucks off wherever. I miss the older spells and how they worked and felt more unique in 2 while also having more than just offense. Maybe introduce more spells to the next main entry based on the spells of every other game? I'm just not a fan of some of these worlds as they are all new. I haven't had a chance to catch most of the new movies (even thought I have disney plus which is great you should totally buy it #stillnotsponsored) I just don't like some of the places and the mini games in the don't help. Slight inconvenience but making me have to press x as I load new levels is kinda dumb. Maximus should be a party member. Give me him instead of eugene. Why do I need the flowmotion to progress? Hooray WATER LEVELS MY FAVORITE. Crabs. Watch me beat davy jones in a 4 on 1 battle.Darkubes are dumb. Jesus christ Jiminy shut up I'm trying to grind in the best place for the end game. Oh look it's an organization member maybe I can figh....nah they gone now. THERE ARE SO MANY CUTSCENES.

15: 2 final things before the story issues - Playing as other characters, keyblade forms. One of the biggest gripes I had in this was each time I used a new keyblade i wanted to fight with it and not transform into a new form because I do not like the new forms. They do nothing for me and since they kind of all are ok at best that it just kinda feels meh to me to use them. I pretty much used the kingdom key because second form was fine and stayed a keyblade. If anything I would rather have a new style of fighting like second form in general like the original forms are in KH2. I like valor and wisdom form and as cool of a call back as it was for the 2 first keyblades to be given to you I don't like the final ability to be used which makes me less inclined to find a weapon I do like. Which leads into my second final gripe. I was really excited to play as multiple keyblade wielders. Playing as mickey in 2 was super fucking cool and I miss that. Playing as Aqua and Riku in this made me hope for eventual fights at the end where it was each person fought someone else and you would get an ability to play through a final area for extra boss fights as any character for extra gameplay. I was excited to see what Axel and Kairi could do since in general they finally had moments to shine. You could make them fight and even if they did win just have them lose via cutscene and bring back Roxas and have Xion turn to your side. So many issues I have with that because it goes into another issue of.......

16: Everyone but Sora is fucking worthless - I have seen Dragonball GT and the main main main main main issue I have with that show is no one matters except Goku. See in other series characters could fight and kill or do something against the not main villain and be worth a damn but when GT happened everyone kinda just. Became worthless. No one could win a fight except Goku especially near the end when they had him fight 7 dragons. Sora does the same here when he has to be involved the final boss rush in the game. I'd have liked to see other characters stand out but even then he is the only one who can fight Xehanort when Mickey failed to do anything. It was all sora. Even waking Aqua was all sora. The only time someone did something was when Aqua fought Vanitas and still got her shit kicked in at the end during the cinematic and at that point he just didn't wanna fight 3 people. This is a shame because as I already said it would have been cooler to have those characters fight people and it matter. Let's break down the people who would be on our side Riku Kairi Axel Roxas Terra Ven Aqua Xion Sora Mickey Thats a total of 10 different people to play as. That would have made the final boss fights unique and super cool. You say that would have taken so much time and I say "Cool" but it would have been cooler to fight as these different characters. If they put in 2 extra just do them all. It is the most let down of let downs in gameplay mechanics. Who could they have fought in the game? Let's look at the villains Xigbar Marluxia Terranort Young Xehanort Xemnas Ansem Larxene Luxord Older Xehanort Evil Clone Riku Vanitas Saix Xion There are 12 total people to fight that are not the original Xehanort and each one could be fought with someone totally different. If Xion fights twice but wasn't really trying the first time she can be fine for the second battle. Let's give everyone a person to fight. Let's get the easy ones out of the way. Remember the ones who we fight first don't matter as much because each person not Older Xehanort do not matter even if they are him in other forms. Terra as the lingering will is gonna fight Terranort and get his body back. Riku can fight Ansem who tries to use his darkness and their past against him. Kairi can fight Xion who is noticed to not even be trying and then kairi can be captured to still do the ending they planned for. Xion who now defects can join and fight Larxene Axel can fight Xemnas and lose leaving him almost die while Roxas can jump out and fight him instead Ventus can finally defeat Vanitas Aqua can fight and defeat Xigbar who she has some history with Sora can fight and defeat Luxord so he can give him the card he was going to give. This fight can be more simple than the others and Sora can have to fight against the other Riku Mickey can fight Marluxia Before losing his fight with Xemnas Axel can fight and beat Saix We get to the final battle and while Sora who ran off to find Kairi he has to get through Younger Xehanort to get to the older one.

Look at that clean battle line up. Throw them in the correct order and you can have fights with so many people and even do the stuff needed for it to make the story go smoothly. Everyone gets to be unique and have their day in the sun. The final fight would be sora and gang fighting Xehanort and since the end game would be choose who fights who you can literally have over 120 different fights total if you leave out Donald and Goofy from the sora versions of fights. Heck allow us to fight the final boss final main form and we can in general have even more as we fight him with each character.

17: What is the difference between a heart and a soul? - This is a simple question because they keep saying we don't need the bodies cause we still have their hearts and I'm just having troubles figuring out if the story writers know the damn difference between a heart which is a physical thing or a concept of the soul which is the metaphysical thing. You know like what makes you you.

18: Why doesn't Axel have 2 keyblades? - Like I like that he holds it the way he does, it's very him very unique and all that but if Roxas can have 2 and he gets one from Xion who is no longer a part of him because she is right there than why can't Axel who is specifically a dual wielder of weapons get 2 of them? I mean give the main a sword that is like a Chinese Dao sword combo. It literally is a blade that turns into 2 blades. Like don't even tell me that shit is unable to happen cause Ventus fucking gets that strange keyblade because it is unique to his style so if that is how it works and they all have based on their personality he should have two. Especially since it would be a great call back to my favorite Axel line in the entire series. "Two!?"

19: Clone Riku should not be a boss - Remember when we beat the shit out of Riku as Sora and then Riku clone and then Riku beat Riku clones ass? He's not a challenge. "He was given more darkness powers" Nice, cool cop out there. Fuck you.

20: Why kill everyone just to set up a story line when you could just do it better - So this one is a little subjective. Need sora to meet Chirithy or whatever its name is and maybe set up remind dlc or whatever but in the end you could have just broke his spirit from his body and put him in the other world by making Xehanort who tried taking him over show him everyone dying and it causing Sora to blank out and travel there as a spirit or some shit. It could have worked just as fine allowing the rest of everyone else to go fight the enemies at the end giving sora time to eventually wake up and join in while Donald and Goofy protect him. Then when he wakes up Luxord who could have said "I'll handle the boy when he wakes up could have just did what he wanted to do with the card then. It's just a dumb moment and we could have instead of dumb gameplay where we have to put ourselves back together and have to save everyone and re watch a stupid ass cutscene just watched a cutscene and went back while everyone handled what they needed to.

So before I get into the final 4 parts to get into I hope that you know I was trying to be really fair with a bunch of these and not just looking for things to gripe about. When I didn't understand things I made myself look up to make sure I understood and didn't just bitch about it for the sake of bitching. These last 4 things are kind of in general I beleive super fair.

1: The battles stop as you talk with each person - Nothing kills a fight sequence like starting it, defeating a single enemy in it, talking with a full blown conversation to them, then as they die restart with another fight scene to do it with every single person in the fight. WHY WOULD MARLUXIA AND LARXENE ALLOW LUXORD TO GIVE HIM A CARD? Why would they stop fighting? Why would Ansem, Xemnas, and Young Xehanort watch as one of the others fell and talked? Why would any sane fucking person do that? It makes 0 sense and ruins that boss rush.

2: I know you need to set up another game but fuck you - You literally made the happiest of endings where everything is the best for everyone ever and I MEAN EVERYONE except for Sora and Kairi. Fucking fuck you man. I'm not even mad that that was the ending but when everyone comes up fucking peaches and cream I tend to question the product even if they need to set up story. They can do it better, do what you did at the end of 2 and send a message in a bottle and say "there are still other worlds out there that need us, just not in this universe" or some shit like that. Shit if in general they can have emotions in games than have sora have to jump into the game. You already said my microwave can feel love so than if he can be in that rex universe than he can just go in after he has a nice break with all of his friends.

3: No - Xehanort was not a good guy the entire time. He literally murdered people and stole a childs body and ripped the emotions out of another child and made them not whole. He got a child so angry he murdered his new sorta dad. He pretty much was the whole reason anything bad happened and he was "misguided and wanted to good but did bad to do so". Then in the end he's forgiven and everything is fucking fine? Then he turns into a good guy and goes into the big heart in the sky. This is the kind of writing that literally kills off stories for at least me. Not everyone needs a second chance and sometimes people are just evil. We need stories that have people die at the end sometimes. I know it is fantasy and it can be all rainbows and butterflies but dear god Steven Universe was literally "no you" and that was the end of the entire fucking series. This is the same thing. It might not be "no you" but fuck this ending. This was a story that was supposed to end a 17 year long story and the end of this single part literally spits in the face of people who played it by saying "hey guys, he wasn't bad, he is sorry now". That is complete and utter horse shit. I don't mind that this is not the end of the series. I don't care because if I stuck around this long I would do the same if the story had a satisfying ending. Fuck man in the new game he's even evil then unless that is just how Kairi remembers him but let's face it. The gang would have told her what happened and this is just horse shit in general. This is a fucking stupid story and I literally am fine with alternate realities since time travel and other dumb stuff has been the main name of the game the entire fucking time but let's face it. This is one of the worst ideas for an ending for a villain. The buold up is fucking massive and the payout is just sad.

4: NO - Fucking xigbar. I don't even know how to put this into words how much of a let down it is for Xigbar, Fucking XIGBAR to be the next main enemy. (or at least it looks that way). Fucking we could have had Luxord. We could have had Marluxia. We could have had Demyx. We could have had fucking I don't know Vexen. We could have had fucking anyone but we get Xigbar. You could have slapped any other character onto his scenes and gotten the same amount of out of nowhere shit to explain him being next but it is fucking xigbar. Fucking unreal.

So yeah. That's my massive wrap up on KH3 and I personally do not know where I stand from here. Maybe if the next game doesn't play like shit in 400 years when Nomura gets off his ass and lets us have kingdom hearts 3.76 tie in to 4 which is oddly enough a main title and not a second part of 3 I'll see how it plays. Until then I think I'm gonna sit hereand never touch 3 again and never finish Melody of Memory.

[writingkeepsmewhole]

I Need You

This is part 11 of The Cowboy and the Girl. It’s been forever I know. This fic is kinda hard to write. Gotta be in the right head space haha. Anyway here it is hope you like it.

Fic Summary: Trish remembers a dark part of her past.

Joel Miller x OC Trish

Warnings: Language, attempt at suicide, talk of murder,

I would love tag you: @amandamaesweetheart @jodiereedus22 @el-dibidibidorado1 @yourgirltaz​ @lemondropirwin​ @iovemoon​ @lookinsidemyhead​ @my-awakened-ghost​ @avengerssstuff​

Part 1  Part 10

I woke up to my mouth dry, that plus the thumping in my head told me I was most likely dehydrated.

Joel was nowhere to be seen but Ellie was putting her blanket inside her backpack.

“Where’s Joel?” I ask as I push myself up from the floor falling off the bean bag chair at some point in the night.

“No good morning?” She asks, smiling at me.

“Sorry, good morning.” I say getting my own bag to pack up.

“Joel went to go get Bill, guess he’s in a hurry to get rid of me.” She says shrugging, her eyes downcast.

“Don’t take it personally he’s in a hurry to get rid of me too.” I say despite what happened last night.

“Why do you say that? I got the feeling he likes you.” She says making my heart pick up a bit.

“He tolerates me. I make him like me.”

“So is that what I should do?”

“I think you should just be yourself, because you're awesome.”

“Your right I am pretty cool.” She says grinning.

“What are you two amaering about?” Joel asks walking into the room holding all of our cantens.

“You.” I say honestly watching him left an eyebrow in my direction.

“What about me?” He asks, handing me my canten it full of fresh water.

I quickly open it and take a drink so I don’t have to answer.

“Are you ready to go? I have other crap to do besides help you idiots.” Bill says stomping into the room.

‘How can someone be mad this early in the morning?’ I think as I put my backpack on.

“We’re ready.” Joel says jerking his head towards the door as if to tell us to get going.

I do as he said ready for whatever the day is gonna bring.

That was the thing about the end of the world. You didn’t get to wake up whenever you wanted, have a nice cup of coffee, watch some TV or browse the web. You hit the ground running and you made every little thing count.

It was hard and fast but it was the only way to stay alive.

Maybe that’s why I stuck close to Joel. Him never seeming to crack. He could go for what felt like months without sleep. He was strong and resurfull. They taught us in school that a female picks her mate, whoever is the strongest. In this world, I understood that.

Joel knew exactly how to lead us through anything.

He walked through a yard full of clickers like he was taking a stroke through the park. My heart was beating out of my chest the whole time but Joel knew when to stop and when to go.

I watched as he would use a bottle or a brick to distract them. Him using the bow we found yesterday to take out the runners.

I would sometimes get lost watching him. I knew it was stupid and pointless but I couldn’t stop the pull I had towards him.

I hated it truthfully. I knew getting attached to someone always ended in pain. The still fresh loss of Tess proved that.

Joel was cold but he was colder since it happened. I think we all were. None of us spoke as we snuck around the infected town trying not to get eaten alive.

But there was just something different about today. Something in my gut that I couldn’t shake. It hit me like a ton of bricks as we walked through a house a dead guy hanging from the ceiling. This could all be over in a split second.

“He killed himself?” Ellie asks but it sounds more like she was shocked.

“Yeah come on you don’t need to see this.” I say grabbing her wrist gently, pulling her back outside.

“I’ve seen worse.” She says making my heart clench.

“Well that doesn't mean you should see more horrible things.” I say take a breath.

“Are you okay?” She asks looking at me as I lean on the side of the house.

“Yeah, I just know what it’s like to be in that headspace. It’s not the best place to be.” I say memories filling my mind.

I sat on the wet ground, my hands numb, my breath puffing out in a cloud. Rain poured down on me but I didn’t move. I stayed on my knees, it was how I fell after I took another life.

I was surrounded by corpses. Not the infected kind but the very human kind. Most people would claim they had to. There was no other choice. But that’s not true. I could have talked, told them what they wanted.

That would have stopped them, or at least kept them from using me the way they wanted. I guess that didn’t matter now. It was too late.

I was covered in their blood in the literal sense. My clothes were torn and ripped. I could feel my muscles twitch the adrinial still pumping thru my veins. My heart, fighting to keep me alive in the condition I was in.

But I didn’t care, I felt numb. But why wouldn’t I be? I was a killer. The lifeless child in front of me was proof of that. Him killed by me before I even thought about it.

His father was the first to go, him leaving me laying the mud after he forced himself on me. Him not realizing he left a knife behind.

It's funny how fast you can kill someone with a blade. Your brain just cuts everything off, you black out and wake up to carrange.

It is most likely why Joel left me behind. Him seeing me black out like this one too many times. Waking up alone then being ambushed and taken away for days makes you care less about the people around you and care more about how to get out alive.

I jump when hands grab my shoulders. With the survival knife still in my hand I lift it ready to kill again before I even think about it.

“Trish it’s me.” Says a hoarse voice.

I blink away the rain looking up into the bruised face of Joel Miller.

“What happened?” He asks, pulling off his flannel and laying it over my shoulders.

It made me realize how bad I was shaking.

I drop the knife falling backwards, the mub slapping around me.

“I-I killed him.” I say looking at the kid.

“What happened?” Joel asks again, moving to help me to my feet. Them asleep, sharp tingles shooting through them.

My knees buckle under me, Joel catches me before I fall him letting out a grunt as he does. I look at him seeing a bleeding wound on his shoulder and maybe his side. All I could see was blood coming through his soaking wet white T-shirt.

“They took me.. I..” I don’t finish my sentence as Joel helps me walk to the nearest run down house.

Us in an abandoned trailer park. It growed up with weeds, and trees.

“They took me too. I thought they might have killed you. You had me worried.” He helps me into the house.

It wasn’t much warmer than it was outside but at least I wasn’t getting rained on. 

“You didn’t leave?” I ask looking up at him, surprised and relief filling my voice.

“Why would I leave? We make a good team, even if you are annoying.” He says setting me on the bed in one of the bedrooms.

“I’m a killer.” I say that explaining why anyone would leave.

“You and me both sweetheart.” He says turning away from me to dig through the dresser.

“They had me locked in here, trying to beat information out of me. I kept telling them they had the wrong guy.” He says sitting next to me with first aid supplies.

“I killed that kid.” I say looking at him feeling tears fill my eyes.

“You didn’t mean to.” He says gently pushing his flannel off me.

“How do you know?” I ask softly.

“You love kids. He surprised you I’m guessing.”

I nod the memory of it fresh in my mind.

“It’s okay, just try to forget about it.” He says looking me over for wounds.

Besides the busted lip and black eye I got while killing them I was wound free. Them preferring to use rape instead of there fist or wepons on me.

“You need to rest. I’ll leave you alone.” Joel says but it sounds far away.

I nod barely noticing him leaving and closing the door behind him.

I sit there staring at the wall. Replaying the events from today over and over in my head. I sat there even after it got dark.

I realized that it didn’t bother me as I sliced through those people. It was like second nature almost. I remember when I killed for the first time it bothered me for weeks and now I didn’t even think about it.

It was so easy to me I killed a child without thinking about it. Without pausing to see what I was doing.

I was a horrible person. I’ve become like the men inside that storage container. Something I swore never to do. I didn’t deserve to live.

As the thought whispered through my mind I knew it was true. I knew I had to do something. I couldn’t go on like this. The world didn’t need another mindless killer like I was becoming.

I looked around the room seeing a pistol on the dresser I stood up and grabbed it. It was cold and harsh in my hands. Like I never held one before. The weight almost seemed like too much as I lifted it to my head.

One bullet and the world would be a better place. It would be better off. Joel would be better off. I was annoying, I slowed him down. I was a monster.

Placing my finger on the trigger I could feel my hand shaking. My mind is having a war with itself. But the image of that child laying in the mud kept coming to the front. Telling me what I really was. What had to be done.

I didn’t flinch or make a sound when the door opened. Joel stood there with a lantern.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asks his voice thick and angry.

As if the weight of the gun became too much it fell from my hands just as I fell to my knees. Hot fat tears rush down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” I mumble looking up at him.

He sighs, placing the light down he moves to sit next to me.

“You’re a fucking idiot. What do you think you were gonna accomplish doing that?” He surprised me by wrapping his arms around me.

“I became a horrible person. I-.”

“Shhs with all that. You ain’t no worse than me.”

I don’t say anything, not knowing what to say. How do you explain the feelings I was feeling?

“Don’t ever try to do something like that again.” He says lifting my head makes me look at him.

His face shadowed by the dim light in the room but despite that I thought I saw tears in his eyes.

“I need you so you can’t be killing yourself.” He says letting go of me and moving to stand up.

I quickly reach out grabbing his wrist making him stop.

“P-please, don’t go.” I whisper my voice cracking.

He nods offering his other hand.

“Come on you need to sleep.” He says softly.

I place my hand in his letting him pull me to my feet. He leads me to the bed and pulls the covers back.

I climbed into the bed, Joel joining me on the other side after he turned off the light. I shiver the room seeming so much colder now.

I wasn’t numb or full of adrenaline so I was suddenly feeling everything again. I move closer to Joel without thinking, jumping when a jolt goes through me the moment my hand bumps his. His touch shocked me. Him grabbing my hand tightly.

Joel was lying on his back, his other hand tucked under his head. I was laying on my side facing him. My mind was fried from the past few days but I couldn’t sleep. The memories of what I did, of what happened to me not letting me rest.

I couldn’t tell if Joel was asleep. His eyes closed but that was it.

“Are you awake?” I softly ask if I woke him up but I was scared of what I would do if I laid there alone with my thoughts.

“Yeah, what is it?” He says roughly.

I chew my lip not having anything particular I wanted to talk about. I just needed a distraction.

“Did you mean it? That you need me?”

“I said it didn’t I?” He says harshly.

“Yeah, I just didn’t know if you meant it.”

“I wouldn’t have said it. Now I need you to go to sleep.” He says turning over to face me, his hand leaving mine.

“I can’t.” I whisper softly.

“I know. But you need to.” He says softly.

He places his hand on my face gently stroking my cheek.

“Just close your eyes and think happy thoughts.”

I nod my head doing what he says praying it works. The soft caress of his hand helped me to drift off into much needed sleep.

[flamingo-writes]

Here With Me — Bakugo x Reader. Ch 1

Multichapter, Chapter 1: Can I Tell You Something Just Between You And Me?

[Next]

Summary: After hearing endless stories about Kirishima’s sister, the two of them finally meet. And for the first time, Bakugo feels something new in him, something he knows and hates to admit it. 

A/N: I’ve been thinking abut this for almost a month now, but didn’t bring myself to write it. Now, being thinking about this for so long, I guess it was obvious it’d end up as a multi chapter (to my own surprise, can you believe that?). I’ll try to post this constantly, also to force myself to write because I’ve been ridiculously lazy about writing for a while now and I want to break that slump. If you’d like to be tagged, please let me know! Also, one of my favorite songs inspired this title. Here With Me by Marshmello ft Chvrches

Posted: 01.28.2020

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: none

Something Bakugo Katsuki found oddly curious at first was how close Kirishima Eijiro was to his sister. Up to this point, he knew you from sight. You picked up Kirishima from school three times a week. He knew your name from the countless times your little brother talked about you. You were quirkless and you were on your last year of high school and were working with a paramedic, as their apprentice, with the intention to become one in the future. 

It was stupid how much Kirishima talked about you, thought Bakugo. The admiration was evident, although it kinda made sense to Bakugo, since, despite being quirkless, you were still determined to become someone who helped people.

“Today my sister got her acceptance letter from the college she applied to!” Kirishima cheered as he walked out of the classroom, ready to head back. 

“Congrats” Bakugo said dryly not really caring. 

“We’re going to her favourite restaurant. Wanna come with us?” 

“Why would I want to go to your sister’s dinner?” 

“She told me I could invite you! She knows a thing or two about you from anecdotes, plus she watched the sports festival” 

“Yeah?” Bakugo asked, still uninterested. 

“Yeah! C’mon dude! You’ll like her, she’s cool! Besides, there’s this delicious spicy hot curry you have to try!” Wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulders, he knew the idea of spicy food would catch his attention.

And despite his best attempts to turn him down, the idea of trying spicy food was appealing. Considering it was free food, Bakugo agreed not as bitterly. 

By the time the two of them walked towards the entrance, Kirishima spotted your small blue car. As usual, Eijiro climbed into the seat next to yours, as Bakugou sat behind you. 

“Bakugo, this is my sis! Sis, Bakugo” Kirishima smiled proudly, as the endless stories finally took a human shape for Bakugo to see up close.

“It’s good to finally meet you, Bakugo-kun” You said looking at him from the rear mirror and smiling warmly. 

“Yeah, same… “ Bakugo hissed in a low voice. “Congrats, by the way” He said lowly more as a polite gesture towards Kirishima, than to yourself. 

“Thank you! How kind of you” you cheered smiling through the mirror once more.

There was something in your kindness that felt repulsive at first to him. He wasn’t used to that sort of gentle kindness. However, seeing you interact with his friend was a whole different story. 

The closeness, and genuine bond the two of you shared. He’d never seen Eijiro so relaxed, and the way you seemed to flow with the same natural chill, talking back and forth as if you two were the closest friends, surprised him. 

It made him painfully aware of his aggressive nature. Growing up as a prodigy, sure made him turn into someone arrogant. He knew this, but wasn’t precisely bothered by it. However, that same arrogance always kept his friends at a considerable distance. He found himself craving a close bond like the one he was seeing before him. What does it feel like, having someone you trust so unconditionally? 

It didn’t come as a surprise to him, that you were so friendly. Your brother, Eijiro, was no different. And it still amazed him how despite his sarcasm and mood swings, Kirishima didn’t seem to mind any of it and stuck by his side. Always with a smile on his face. You were as friendly, and ignored his rudeness with such an ease that he felt both bothered and intrigued. 

*

And that’s how it began. After that celebration dinner something in him happened. There was this faint trace of anxiety that twisted his gut whenever he saw you or heard your name. He wasn’t stupid, and right away could put a name to whatever he was feeling. Even though he refused to admit it, even to himself. 

Since that day, Kirishima was constantly inviting him over for dinner, or you gave him a ride home after school. Bakugo was constantly seeing you. He liked it, but he also hated it. He hated feeling anxious and sweatier than usual when you were around. He hated the beats his heart would skip whenever you smiled at him. He hated even thinking about what was going on with him. He’d never felt anything similar towards anyone, and it annoyed him that he didn’t know how to deal with it

“Oi, Bakugo” Kirishima greeted him walking up to him in the hall. “Hey, can I ask you something real quick?”

“You just did” Katsuki said monotonously. 

“Clever, but no” Kirishima chuckled. “D’you mind if I give your phone number to my sister? She asked me for it on my way here, but I thought I’d ask you first, dude” 

Bakugo’s heart seemed to stop briefly as he suddenly felt dizzy. 

“What?” He growled. 

“She showed me this very funny meme, and told me she’d like to send it to you. You’ll like it” 

“Couldn’t she sent it to you and you show it to me?” Bakugo growled, suddenly nervous that you wanted his number. Was he being obvious? Getting altered this much by just a number? Bakugo suddenly felt paranoid.

“We didn’t think of it. Anyways, can I?” Kirishima chuckled awkwardly, not thinking much of his friend's behaviour. It was just textbook Bakugo.

In an attempt to read Kirishima's body language, for the sake of his consuming nerves and self awareness, Bakugo didn't conclude anything. He sighed deeply, trying to bring himself to relax.

“Do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care” He said walking inside the classroom, trying his best to "act normal" even though he had been since the beginning. 

“Great!” Kirishima said, hopping to his seat and typing on his phone.

During the class, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Briefly, a couple of times. His mind, instantly paranoid, he thought that it might be you. Discreetly, he pulled his phone out and looked at the screen, announcing a couple of new messages from an unknown number. 

'Hello Bakugo-kun, it’s me!' He read the notification. 

Unlocking his phone, he opened his messages to the sweet surprise.

'Hello Bakugo-kun, it’s me! Kirishima [Name]! How is it going? Sorry to bother you, can I tell you something just between you and me?  Also! Here, have a meme to brighten up your day!' 

Tch, how dumb...He thought, yet with a gentle smile on his face.

'I told Eiji-chan' — Katsuki began reading

Eiji-chan? I'm gonna use that to tease him, Katsuki thought looking up from his phone and looking at the red head sitting in front of him.

—'I’d give him a gift for entering UA,'- He continued reading your texts —'but I haven’t bought him anything. I am the worst sister, I swear! Then I thought "I could throw him a surprise party" and then it occurred to me, why not invite his UA friends and celebrate that all of you made it in??'

Before answering, he saved your number.

'How corny, jfc' He typed and sent it to you.

You didn't take long to answer his text. And after a few minutes his phone vibrated a few times once more.

'Thank you. I’d like to keep it a secret, though. You think you could help me organize it? Invite his friends, and organize them. I’ll get everything for the party. Will you help me?'

'You seriously are the cheesiest, it's grossing me out' He answered. 'Fine, I’ll do it'

'Yay! Thank you Bakugo-kun! ♡♡ I owe you BIG!!'

'Yeah, sure. I’m in class atm, I’m trying to pay attention'

'Oh right! I’m I'm sorry for distracting you! Have an enriching class, Bakugo-kun! Text ya later!'

As much as he tried to concentrate, it was hard in the beginning. The scene kept replaying in his head a few times before he was able to focus on the class. The set of hearts framing his name puzzled him. A torturous shame made him feel dumb, getting excited over a few texts, how lower could he sink? 

After class, he texted you once or twice throughout the afternoon. Trying his best not to desperately open your text to answer them. He wasn't going to become a desperate idiot like everyone else around him usually did when they had a cru--

"[Name]'s here!" Kirishima's voice distracted him from his thoughts as he looked at your car. "Bye bro! See you tomorrow!" Kirishima hopped like a sheep towards the car, goad that school was over. 

You looked at Bakugo and waved at him as he just raised his hand in response. His heart wild in his chest, he remembered he was about to admit his crush on you. And with every curse word he knew, he cursed at himself.

"Bakugo-kun!" You shouted from the car. "You want a ride home?" 

He looked at you, ans seriously thought about it. Already having a hard time trying to pretend he wasn't developing a crush on you. He looked at his feet, trying to bring himself to reject the ride this time. 

"Nah, I'm good" he said. "I feel like walking today?" 

"You sure?" You insisted. 

For fucks sake, stop! He thought, feeling his body tense up. 

"Yeah" He hissed.

"Okay then. Be careful though! Text us when you get home safe and sound"��

It was very uncomfortable how much you seemed to watch over him. Maybe it was your older-sister instincts kicking in. But not even his mother worried that much about him. 

Bakugo didn't answer. He just stared quietly. Interpreting his silence as a yes, you waved at him once more before driving off.

[stevesnailbat]

the fine line | steve harrington x hopper!oc

part three : test of my patience

SERIES MASTERLIST

warnings: just a lot of angst

word count: 2.7K

a/n: one part left after this!! i hope you guys have enjoyed this angst-filled rollercoaster as much as i have :) gif isn’t mine, it’s from this gifset

Driving to Steve’s house was like second nature to Jess, but she didn’t think she’d ever be doing it again. There she was, though. She was on her way to talk to the boy who broke her heart, and she felt like a fool. It wasn’t like she meant for this to happen, she didn’t mean to come crawling back to Steve, but it happened. Jess couldn’t help but think that she had done it to herself, that she had put herself into the situation by telling him that she couldn’t stop loving him. She couldn’t help herself anymore, she needed answers and if those answers weren’t what she wanted to hear, then she needed closure.

An incessant knocking on the front door of the Harrington residence was the last thing that Steve expected on a Sunday at nine in the morning. When he first heard it, he groaned softly and shoved his head under a pillow to drone out the sound. It didn’t work, though. The pounding didn’t stop for the whole minute that he laid beneath the warm covers, so he decided to answer just to get them to shut up. He wanted nothing more than to stay in his bed and sulk all day, the words that Jess had whispered to him the night before replaying in his mind as he did. He didn’t think that he’d ever be opening the front door to his house to see Jess on the other side again, but here he was.

“Steve.” she said shakily. “We need to talk.”

“Oh—uh—alright. Come on in.” he offered nervously, studying the way she still seemed so hesitant about him.

She came in without saying anything and sat on the couch, in the same spot she had sat in when she came to confront him just weeks before. This time seemed different, though. She didn’t seem to be holding any anger, but there was a certain sadness in the way she was holding herself together. Jess seemed to be on the brink of tears, but she didn’t really even know why.

“Jess.” Steve called after a moment, realizing that she had spaced out and was about to break down in front of him.

“Right—Sorry.” she said, shaking her head to snap herself back to reality. “I—I came here to talk to you about us.”

“Us?” he questioned hesitantly, unsure of what she meant. “As in?”

“Me and you, Steve. What we were.” she retorted, resentment in her voice as she used the past tense. “I’ve had my time to cope, to deal with the emotions that I was feeling. I—I know I wasn’t ready to listen when I came here that day that I found out, I was just so upset.”

“And you had every right to be upset.” he said while walking to the couch, sitting a safe distance away from her. “You still do.”

“I know I did.” Jess said with narrowed eyes, making him recoil a little further away from her. “But that doesn’t mean that I had the right to not listen to you.”

“What?” Steve asked, brow furrowed as he stared at her from afar.

“I never really let you explain the situation or let you tell your side of the story, I guess.” she shrugged. “I was just so mad at you and I couldn’t even think to let you explain what happened. I believed that you were only out to hurt me.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, I really didn’t. I know it doesn’t seem like it, and I know I fucked up. But, I wouldn’t do this to hurt you.” he explained, words coming out a little more struggled than he’d wanted. “I didn’t know what was happening, honestly. I know that sounds like the stupidest excuse ever, it does. I hear how stupid it sounds every time I say it. But, I thought it was you. The voice, the hair, everything to drunk me was the same.”

She didn’t realize that there were tears sliding down her cheeks until one of them dripped onto her hand. She couldn’t help but believe what he was saying, he sounded so sincere. And he was, he was as truthful as he could be in the moment. The night was pretty blurry to him, but he could clearly remember how he knew he’d fucked up after he’d done it.

“When Tina barged into that bedroom.” he started painfully, unable to look up at her as she stared over at him. “I had stopped that girl, whoever the hell it actually was, from kissing me again. When we were in the living room, it was dark and loud and I swore to God that it was you. I even asked her why she wasn’t watching El—like I knew you were that night—and she just said she wanted to see me, or something like that. Then—Then she led me to the bedroom and was kissing me and I could tell—I could just fucking tell that it wasn’t you, it wasn’t your lips. I don’t remember much else but I remember her kissing me right before Tina came in, and I tried to stop her. I knew as soon as Tina came in that I had fucked up, and that I was going to lose you.”

There was something in Steve’s voice that made her fold, it made her finally break. In all of the time that they’d been apart, Jess had told herself that she was strong and that she could get over it, that it wasn’t worth her tears. Sure, she’d cried about it, but never for more than a moment. This time was different, though. Jess knew she couldn’t hold back anymore, she’d been strong for too long.

Steve didn’t know what to do when he heard the first whimper slip from her lips, he thought he was imagining it at first. Jess Hopper was the type to never cry over anything, her dad had taught her that nothing so arbitrary was worth her tears anymore, especially after everything they had gone through. But, this time, she was too broken to hold back. Seeing the tears stream down her face as a small sob wracked her body broke Steve’s heart, but he knew he deserved to have his heart broken like he’d done to her.

“Jess, I—“ he started, but the look she gave him as he opened his mouth told him that he had said enough.

“I tried to hate you. I fucking tried, I really did. I wanted to resent you for what you’ve done to me. But, I just—I just fucking couldn’t.” she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she struggled to choke down her sobs. “I wanted to believe that you were just trying to hurt me and break my heart, but I knew that wasn’t you. I knew that wasn’t the Steve Harrington that I fell in love with. I knew there was something else to the story, I was just too mad to even hear it.”

“You deserved to let me die with my truth, honestly. I didn’t deserve time to explain what happened. I shouldn’t have put myself in that situation, I don’t expect you to forgive me for this, Jess.” he said softly, moving a little closer to where she sat.

“I—I know. I’m not forgiving you, Steve.” she said softly, shaking her head at her own voice. “I just—I don’t know. There’s something that keeps bringing me back to you. I’ve tried to tell myself that you broke my heart so many times, but I can’t stop thinking about us, what we had.”

“I don’t—I don’t think I understand what you mean.” Steve said carefully, easing into his words as he spoke.

“I’m not just gonna say that I forgive you and that I’ll forget everything that happened. That’s not what this is, because I don’t believe you’ve earned that.” she started, he nodded feverishly in reply. “But, fuck, Steve. I miss you. I—I miss seeing you all the time and I miss us.”

“I know, Jess. I’ve missed you too.” he sighed, watching as she sniffled and wiped her tears from her eyes. “But, what are you trying to say?”

“I guess I’m trying to say that we can start over. I can do second chances, everyone deserves one.” she said wearily, a sad smile on her lips. “I’m trying to say that I want you in my life and—and that maybe we can work this out together.”

“I mean, if that’s what you want, Jess. I’m willing to do whatever you want.” he said, trying not to sound too excited as his heart skipped a beat. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

“Yeah, I think so.” she sighed, finally looking up at him with a nervous look on her face. “Don’t make me regret my decision, Steve.”

So they tried, and tried, and tried to make things work again. Steve worked his ass off to be the best that he could be and to make sure that he didn’t slip up. They started out slow, by only seeing each other every other day and doing so in small sittings. Jess didn’t know why she decided that, but it probably had something to do with her fear of arguing with him.

Some days were better than others, that’s for sure. Steve would bring her food or take her some new place every time they’d hang out, trying to make things like they used to be. Jess seemed to be happier now, but there was still something holding her back from being the real her. Of course, Steve knew what it was, but was afraid to mention it for the sake of saving them from more arguments.

Her heart was tugging her in two directions every time they were together. She wanted to be in his arms and let him back into her life without hesitancy, but she knew she couldn’t. Steve could see the struggle hidden in her eyes whenever they were together, he always saw right through her facade. It was killing him honestly, seeing her hide her conflict from him all the time. But he’d made so much progress that he didn’t want to fuck anything up again, so he stayed quiet.

Steve stayed quiet for weeks, for as long as he could muster being in the dark. Really, she was testing his patience to see how long he could hold out without trying to comfort her; she didn’t want to talk about what happened and he knew that. The day that he decided that he was going to bring up the situation again, she had come out of the cabin with tears in her eyes. She slammed the front door shut and wiped her cheeks quickly, giving him a sad smile as she walked towards the car. A sigh of frustration escaped her lips as she swung the car door open and shut, but Steve didn’t dare to ask what was wrong yet. He was on the verge of taking back his decision to ask her about their relationship at this point.

“Steve.” she said as he pulled out of the driveway, making him snap his attention in her direction to see an all-too-sudden change of expression on her face. “Let’s go to the quarry."

“I thought we were going to that movie—“ he started.

“Fuck the movie. I want to go to the quarry, please?” she pleaded, more than a hint of desperation in her voice as she spoke. “I just wanna get away for a little bit.”

“Alright, but it’s on you if your dad gets mad about it.” he agreed teasingly, making her lip quirk up slightly.

Most of their times at the quarry were in the middle of the night and spent getting drunk or high and making out in the backseat of the BMW, but this time was different. Neither of them could stomach the thought of drinking again, not after what had happened. As much as they’d both rather be making out in the backseat of Steve’s car, they both knew they couldn’t, not after what had happened. The sun was setting when they pulled into their usual spot, it seemed like a completely different place now. Jess pulled him out of his seat and onto the hood of the car, insisting that they watched the sunset together.

The silence between them was peaceful, for once. There was no resentment and pain in the air anymore, things finally seemed to be changing for the better. They watched the sun slip behind the trees on the other side of the quarry, stars littering the sky as the moon replaced the sun. Steve could tell that Jess was thinking hard about something. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know what it was, but he knew that it probably had to do with him. It seemed like they were finally going to talk about what was going on, wether he wanted to or not.

“My dad and I got into a fight today.” Jess finally admitted, leaning back on the hood of the car to stare at the stars beginning to show up in the sky. “He told me that I’m making a big mistake.”

Steve’s heart sunk as she spoke, he didn’t even need her to finish her thought to know exactly what he was talking about. He was the big mistake, and he knew it. Jess was staring at the sky, trying to collect her thoughts as she held herself together. She could tell by the way that Steve was holding tension in himself, that he knew exactly what she meant. He was bracing himself for her to finally break it off, for her to finally tell him that he could go fuck himself and that she was just trying to break his heart like he had done to her. But, she knew better than to do that to him. He’d tried so hard at winning her over once again and she could tell he’d become frustrated recently with their lack of progress.

“He asked me if I thought that you deserved to be happy, if I thought that you were even worth the pain I was going through.” she started, taking a deep breath as she blinked away a few tears. “I said yes. I told him that I can’t hate you for what happened, especially after what you told me. He told me he wasn’t going to support my decision, but that he’d still let me make my own decisions, make my own mistakes.”

He only nodded and smiled weakly at her as he leaned back to prop himself onto his elbows, looking up at the stars with her. Relief started to rush through him, but he knew he couldn’t be completely relieved yet.

“I think about what things would’ve been like if this wouldn’t have happened a lot. But then I remember that that’s something we’ll never know. And that I need to stop thinking about the what if’s.” she sighed, rolling her head over to look at him. “We need to work together if this is going to work, and I’m sorry I’ve been holding back.”

“Why are you sorry, Jess?” Steve questioned, feeling her hand graze against his as she inched closer to him.

“Because I shouldn’t be so conflicted about this whole situation. I’ve been getting scolded for going back to you, but I shouldn’t be so sorry for still—“ she said, stopping herself before she could say she loved him, he hadn’t earned that privilege yet and he knew it. “I shouldn’t be so sorry for wanting to save what we had. And before I start to overthink my decisions anymore, I wanna do this.”

Before Steve could comprehend what was happening, Jess had snaked her hand around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. It was soft and reserved, much different than any kiss the couple had ever shared. It was sad in a way, but there was hope in the air again. Their hearts were finally healing, but they were nowhere near done on their journey. That extremely fine line was getting easier to navigate now that they were on the same page, it would be easier to fall back in love again and they both knew it.

tags: @sourapplebaby @harringtown @queenofthehairharrington @charmed-asylum @hystericalmedicine @a-magey @daddystevee @sledgy14 @m-blasterrr @madiebrock @pocsimcc @karasong @heart-eye-harrington @lemonypink @jxnehxpper @igotmadskills