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imidio · 3 years ago

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General rambling about Eldarya and questionable direction choices

Oh gods, that’s gonna be long. Actually, I don’t play Eldarya anymore, it just feels like a waste of time right now. But fortunately, a lot of my friends are still brave enough to continue, so I have a lot of insight in what’s actually happening in the game.

I’m writing this mostly because of this post, or rather, the article that was mentioned in it. It is mostly the Eldarya writer’s response to all the criticism from the players and oh boy… Not going into details because some people actually did this, but just quick summary of my personal opinion after reading this (just my thoughts regarding Eldarya, I’m not even going to mention the attitude that shows in the article): I somehow feel like the person writing Eldarya doesn’t like the game as a whole – the genre, target, setting. I heard from people that play MCL Alternate Life that it’s actually pretty good so maybe the fantasy part is the problem? Or it can also be lack of solid preparation to write something like this.

Anyway, as for my thoughts regarding Eldarya.

1. They don’t know its players

Actually, no, more than that. I feel like they don’t have any specific target in mind. Beemov games started when most of us was like 12-14. But the thing is, now we are mostly adults and younger people don’t seem to be so eager to join the fandom (not that the games have anything to offer to younger players, I mean, for example playing Eldarya before unlocking the market is absolutely devastating experience). And right now we have a game that is trying to be everything. For some parts, I feel like this is written for children. But then we go to the more heavy themes that would be either not suitable for their age, or simply boring for them. In the same time, this “heavy stuff” I’m talking about feels so unrealistic and grotesque that despite efforts, you just can’t take it seriously. And with this we go to the second part.

2. Because they don’t know their own players, they don’t know what genre should they even make. And how to approach it.

But, really – if you’d have to tell someone, what Eldarya is – what would you tell them? Their main page is saying “romance and adventure fantasy game”. In the google play, it’s tagged as otome. The writer’s words: fantasy adventure series - what, you could say, also shows that the romance is so low on his priority list that he doesn’t even mention it – could be just understatement but I feel like it’s worthy to point out. So, what we get if we sum this up – three keywords – romance, fantasy, adventure.

As for romance… We all know what it’s like right now. As someone that was aiming for the Lance’s route, all I can do is laugh. To be honest, I’ve never believed this will be good route. I like the trope, but this just couldn’t go well with everything we’ve seen before, especially with only 20 episodes. I’m not sure if it’s worse than what I thought it will be, but definitely is no good. Emotions are non-existent. Everything is just… dry. Narration tells me that characters feel certain way but I just don’t see it, I don’t know why, I don’t feel anything. Those rare romance scenes we get are so out of place that you can think someone in the team was like: “Wait, I forgot there was supposed to be romance in the game! Let’s just throw some random kiss here, yeah, that will be great!”. Absolutely meaningless.

Fantasy? Right… You know, if you read/played/watched a lot of fantasy genre, you know that making it good is not about “oh, let’s put magic and dragons here”. From my experience it can be either the easiest or the hardest genre possible, depending on the writer. You don’t have restrictions. You don’t have to do boring research on “how the law works in this country at the other side of the ocean in terms of what I need here” for this to be coherent. Creative freedom 100%, you can do anything, rules from our world don’t matter and yet, you can use some of them which will make your work easier. You don’t even have to be Tolkien or Sanderson, with their fantasy worlds that have been created from scratch in every little detail for over 10 years. You don’t need explanation for everything, you can make it simple – just make it work and stand by the rules you’ve already made. We have magic in Eldarya, but actually we don’t. How many times did you see characters actually using it? I’m not counting alchemy here, just pure magic. Kero used telekinesis ONCE. In TO tutorial if I remember correctly. Or one of the first episodes. I don’t feel like the magic is integral part of this world so how could it be convincing when they suddenly use some strange spell/ritual/thingy to solve a major problem important for the main plot (let’s not even start this whole discussion on how it’s not really a good idea to use pure magic powers to solve a problem, especially if you didn’t introduce those powers ).

And now, with the most recent episodes – fantasy… yeah. Someone on our discord server said something that sums it up pretty well – Eldarya is right now something like MCL but with explaining us in most stupid ways possible how our own world works.

And adventure… Well, I could make a whole post about “everything wrong with” for just that one part. Let’s start with – why on earth did they choose military conflict as a main plot for this game? Don’t get me wrong, I love fantasy with those type of conflict, I really do. But it’s also very difficult and requires research – and here it is non-existent. Some time ago, with a couple of friends, we’ve been discussing 30 episode of TO, or rather, the battle itself. I’m not going to do this again, it would be way to long. But – if you’ve watched GOT, especially the last season. If you’ve seen Battle of Winterfell. And if you’ve seen some analysis of everything that went wrong with it from the tactical point of view. Yeah, Eldarya repeated every single mistake and added some more. If you’re curious about those things, just go to youtube, a lot of experts explained it very well – I’m sure you’ll see similarities. If you’re not –

Look at the map. HQ is really solid place for defence. We have hill, high walls and the cliff on the other side, so there is only one side for the potential assault. Wall is the perfect place for archers, crossbowmans and mages. While defending the city, you take advantage of it – especially of its walls – to the maximum. What you DON’T do, is going outside of those walls with your forces, to fight a battle on the BEACH. I guess most of us have walked on a sand at least once. Yeah, imagine fighting on that kind of terrain. And Lance’s army? Attacking from the beach side, really? He’s a dragon, they could literally fly with him and chose best place possible, and they chose BEACH? Just imagine them, walking one by one, just like some ducklings, up those very narrow, rock stairs that lead to the HQ. And that’s just the top of the iceberg.

In ANE on the other hand – we have diplomatic mission, for example. Here there is no point of telling what was wrong with it – there wasn’t a single thing that was right. They came to the ruler and king of the country they’d like to cooperate with in a way. What are first things they do? 1. Show of power. 2. Disrespect for the monarch (I don’t care right now what he’s like, he’s still a monarch and a ruler). 3. Going there with the very person he’s in power conflict with, also being his past wife (and probably present wife by law), a refugee that they gave an asylum in the guard. Telling him no, we won’t hand her over to you. Well, if that is not provocation then I don’t know what is.

I’m not telling that they should create great and realistic plot with R. R. Martin’s level of politics and complicated military situation. I mean, I would be delighted, but I’d be in minority, most of players would be bored by it. But! There are already things that are doing really good job (in my opinion) with simplifications! A Ranger’s Apprentice for example, or The Powder Mage Trilogy. Both of them touch the topic, in completely different ways, but both of them work on the simplified concepts of complex conflict (also military conflict). What I think makes them work is the fact that the authors did really good job with their research. In Ranger’s Apprentice you can find a lot of concepts that are brought up in The Art of War by Sun Tzu. They are simple concepts by themselves – but they are real and logical. What Flanagan did was probably taking some of them and making them the main focus for the certain part of the plot. You read about some kind of the tactic characters use – it’s nothing complicated by itself but just feel like it could work – of course it does, because it did through the real history. It’s just simplified, and with the simple narration it makes the books fun even for the younger audience – and not grotesque for older one, as long as you understand and accept existence of those simplifications. This is what Eldarya lacks. It tries to bring up complicated topics in simplified way, but you just cannot do this from nothing. We are not strategists or tacticians – but we can read and take inspiration from other sources. With a little of logical thinking on top of that, it is possible.

They could do all of that. Or they could just stick to the things that worked perfectly fine. I mean the very beginning of the Eldarya: TO. It was simple – we had clear main goal – collecting Crystal shards. We had some problems that we had to overcome – food shortage, human organizations, Ashkore (rest in peace, my favourite character :< ) and the fact that the guard leader was young and inexperienced what made her more likely to make mistakes. We also had enough space for our love interests, enough time to get to know them, get attached to them (as a character, but also as a player), get some quality fluff we deserved. Personally, I think this simple problems would be much more fitting for the game like Eldarya that despite being fantasy and adventure, more than anything should focus on romance. Generally I think Eldarya right now lacks everything that would make the game good – there is no real direction, no real idea, no research, and most importantly, no passion from the creators (or if it’s there, sorry but I don’t feel it). It just feel like a project everyone in the team is tired of creating, would love nothing more than to throw it away and never ever look at it again, but just cannot stop right now because they have to finish is somehow. You know, the kind of feeling you get when you’re at the end of writing your thesis. And it’s sad. Because it had potential – not the kind of potential like masterpieces in the gaming world, but enough potential to become really fun game that you play as a form of relax after a hard day in job/school, also donating it once in a while as a form of appreciation for the creator’s work. I could write even more but it’s already almost 2000 words so I’ll stop here.

Summary: they don’t know what to do but also won’t listen to their own players because of reasons. Result – no one gets what they want. Oh, also, one last but very important thing! I don't like the concept of aengel powers AT ALL. I think Gardienne should be simple human or have powers so limited that they could just support her but not solve the problems for her. Why? Because maybe that way we could see solid character development, MC that relies on abilities that was earned and not handed over to her. Working with her own creativity, problem-solving skills and the knowledge she gained during both her life on Earth and in Eldarya. Right now, everything that defines her and her abilities - are her powers (and what's funny is the fact that writers KNOW this and shamelessly throw this on us whenever possible - you know, all the "now with my powers I'm invincible" rambling). Yep, now I'm done for real. xD

#eldarya #eldarya rambles #eldarya ane #eldarya spoilers #beemoov #my personal rambling #i miss my Ashkore #eldarya the origins #it took me too long to write this but I had to do this

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years ago

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In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~sixth chapter rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!reader

Synopsis: you are Peters greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Series Masterlist

Two months later, you sat outside The Daily Bugle and impatiently bounced your leg. While waiting to see if your boss liked your first draft of the Cleatus Kassidy article, you reflected on your past two months in New York.

It was now June. You and Venom had fallen into a routine. You’d work on the Cletus article by day and go patrolling at night. Of course, being Venom wasn’t a nightly occurrence. You’d only go out eating once or twice a week. Still, you managed to have 11 run ins with Spider-Man.

You and Peter had become significantly closer in that past two months as well. You’d help him with his homework, though you secretly thought he was smarter than you, and he helped me with your story. Some nights, he’d visit you on your fire escape and watch the sun go down. You had no idea how he got there, but you didn’t care.

You’d send him science puns while he was at school and he’d bring you food and keep you company when You had writers block. Your favorite was the long talks on the roof. You would sit there for hours and tell each other everything. You knew all his secrets and he knew yours.

Well, not all.

But the best part of all was that every now and then, you’d catch the other staring. Then, the other would stare back until someone, usually Peter, started to lean in. Every time you thought you were finally going to take the next step, something would interrupt you. Whether it was May knocking or Ned barging in or Peters phone ringing. That was another thing about Peter. His damn phone was always ringing and then he’d have to dash off somewhere, leaving you with a random excuse or something about an internship. Sometimes, you’d wish he’d just throw his phone aside and kiss you already.

“Great work so far, L/n.” Your boss tore you away from your thoughts. “I knew you’d be right for the job.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jameson.” You stammered as you stood up. “I really appreciate you giving me this job. I was kinda blackballed back in San Francisco.”

“I know.” He shrugged. “But you ask the hard hitting questions that people want to hear. Once this article is out, I want you to write one on Venom.”

“Venom?” You gulped at her name.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “You know that scary black monster that’s been fighting Spiderman? I’m thinking an exposé on that menace webhead and his latest enemy, and I think you’d be perfect for the job.”

 “I would love to.” You said quickly. “I’ll start researching right away.”

With that, you turned on your heel and left the building before Venom caused a scene.

“Monster?” Venom roared once you got in your car. “Scary?”

“I know.” You whined. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was gonna call you that.”

“His whole job is reading about the most dangerous criminals in New York. If he thinks we’re scary, what’s Peter gonna think?” Venom asked. You laughed in dismissal until you thought about what he said.

What would Peter think? What if you told Peter who you really were and he ran away? He was sweet and understanding, but how understanding could he possibly be when you tell him you can turn into a flesh eating monster?

That’s when you realized you were scared. You were scared of letting Peter in and him letting himself right out. You were scared of repeating the mistakes you made with Andy. No, not scared.

Petrified.

What if Peter didn’t like what he saw? What if he realized you were too messy to be with? Or had too much baggage? Peter deserved a nice girl. One with a normal family and friends. One without depression. One without a flesh eating symbiote attached to their immune system.

“What’s wrong baby?” Venom asked with concern. She cuddled around your neck and nuzzled into your cheek.

“I can never be with Peter.” You whispered, mostly to yourself. Hot tears of frustration filled your eyes so you looked up to keep them from falling. Admitting it felt like a fatal blow to the stomach. Venom tied your hair up with one of her arms and wiped the tears from your face.

“Why do you say that?”

You thought about it for a moment before answering. You didn’t want to tell Venom that you were feeling insecure. She freaked out on you whenever you said something negative about yourself. You didn’t wanna another 100 slide PowerPoint titled “why Y/N L/N is the baddest bitch in the galaxy”. Especially since forty of those slides were just pictures of your butt. You appreciated Venom wanting to help but you were feeling the kind of insecure that a pep talk couldn’t fix. You needed to figure it out on your own. So instead, you told her a different fear you had.

“Because. Look at us. We’re the only thing keeping each other alive.” You reasoned. “What if we get separated and die? I can’t become one of those people in Peters life who loved him and then left him. His mom, his dad, his Uncle Ben. I don’t want to die and leave Peter behind. He’s been through enough. He’d be so much better off without me.”

“We’re not gonna die. You protect me and I protect you. Nothing will hurt us as long as we have each other.” Venom assured you.

“I can’t protect you like you protect me.” You said softly. “I’m just a human. What if something happens to me and you die because of it?”

“Nothing will happen to you, Y/N. I promise. I won’t let it.” Venom swore. You looked at her and gave her a sad smile.

“I won’t let anything happen to you either.” You said, but you didn’t promise it. You knew you couldn’t promise it.

“And you can be with Peter.” Venom insisted. “On Klyntar, we mate for life. And we think you’ve found your mate in Peter.”

“What does that mean?” You wondered.

“It means we’ve become attached to him and will never be happy with anyone else.” Venom said. You let out a shaky breath as that wasn’t what you wanted to hear. You needed a reason to shut your feelings for Peter down.

“Like soulmates?” You asked.

“Exactly like soulmates.” Venom answered.

“Well what happens on Klyntar if someone is your soulmate but you’re not theirs?”

“Then we go into a cave and mourn until we die alone of heartbreak.” Venom said simply.

“That sounds about right.” You laughed sadly as you took a second to think.

“I’m gonna call that guy back.” You said suddenly.

“What guy?” She asked.

“They guy who asked me out at the coffee shop this morning.” You reminded her.

“The one with the stupid hair? Why would you call him?” Venom asked angrily.

“What was wrong with his hair?” You laughed.

“It was blonde. We like brunette.” Venom said with a devilish grin.

“His hair was fine.” You rolled your eyes. “And I’m gonna call him to say yes to the date.”

“Why would we do that when we like Peter?” Venom whined.

“Because if Peter doesn’t like us, I don’t want to die of heartbreak alone in a cave.” You admitted.

“He does love you.” Venom protested.

“We don’t know that.” You shook your head. “It’s just one date. I need to get back out there anyway. I haven’t gone on a date Andy and I broke up.”

“Fine.” Venom grumbled. “But this is a terrible idea and I’m going to complain the whole time and sing the Les Mis soundtrack in your head.” This was one of those moments where she felt more like your toddler than your symbiote.

You gave the guy a call before driving back to your apartment. As fate would have it, you ran into Peter in the hallway on your way to your room.

“Hey Y/n!” Peter greeted you. “You want to come over later and help me with spanish? I’ll amo you mucho.”

You wanted so badly to say yes but you had to stick to the plan to squash your feelings for Peter.

“Aw, I’m sorry Pete. I wish I could but I have a date tonight.” You frowned, instantly regretting it when you saw the look on his face.

Peter’s heart sank to the floor as he emotions went from feeling devastated to feeling white hot anger in a matter of seconds

“A date?” He sputtered. “With who?”

“Some boy I met at the coffee shop.” You said weakly, knowing you were hurting him.

“Oh.” He said dully.

“Some boy.” He thought angrily. “Some freaking dirty ass sissy coffee boy asked my girl out.”

Peter felt like hunting the man down and smacking the shit out of him. Or at the very least, webbing him to a wall leaving him there until he missed the date.

“What’s his name?” Peter asked suddenly, wanting to put a name to his new mortal enemy.

“Matt.” You nodded slowly.

“Freaking Matt.” Peter thought. “Freaking dirty ass bitch ass Matt. Was Matt Spider-Man? No. Could Matt treat you as well as I could? Probably. But did he like you as much? No. Did he have inside jokes with you? No. Could he make you laugh your beautiful laugh just by doing a Captain America impression? No. He wasn’t good enough for you. He couldn’t do the things I could do. He was trash. He was a trashy dirty ass rat boy.”

“Interesting.” Peter said, keeping his thoughts to himself.

“I’ll text you when it’s over and maybe I can help you then.” You offered. That sound okay, guapo?”

Peter nodded sadly, not even acknowledging that you called him handsome. Actually, he probably had no idea that you did. He was smart, but only in English.

“That’s fine.” He nodded glumly. “I’ll see you later.”

You watched Peter trudge into his apartment and felt a pain in your heart. He seemed so upset all the sudden. It couldn’t be from your date, could it? It’s not like you told him you got engaged or something. It was one little date. And it’s not like Peter even made a move. He had no reason to be upset. You brushed it off and went into your apartment to get ready.

Just as Venom predicted, the date went horribly wrong. You drove back to the apartment in silence afterwards, leaving Matt to clean himself off back at the restaurant.

“Why did that happen?” You asked her after a long drive in silence. You were mortified from the events of the night but you needed to know why they happened.

“Because he wasn’t your soulmate.” Venom said simply.

“We defiled that boy.”

“It happens.” Venom stated.

“It shouldn’t.” You said, shocked at how nonchalantly she was being.

“But it does.”

You rode the rest of the way in silence, shooting Peter a text before asleep on your couch. You woke up a few hours later in a cold sweat and in tears. You didn’t know it, but Peter was listening to your breathing from his apartment. He had picked up the small cries of his name in your sleep with his superhearing and stayed up to see if you were okay.

You weren’t, by the way. You had had a nightmare that shook you deeply and left you shaking. It was about Peter, but not in a good way. In this dream, he laid injured on the ground after a fight. You were separated from Venom and bleeding out near Peter. You couldn’t do anything to save him. You couldn’t scream for help. And worse, you couldn’t protect him. It caused you great agony to not be able to reach him.

Without giving it another thought, you got off your couch and made your way to the door. You needed to see Peter and tell him how you felt.

You didn’t care about your insecurities anymore. You didn’t care about all the things keeping you apart. You only cared about him, and that was enough. He needed to know that and you couldn’t wait another second.

You swung open your front door, only to find Peter Parker outside it in pink Hello Kitty pajama bottoms and a tight white t-shirt. His hand was raised, like he was about to knock.

“Hey.” you breathed. His hair was tousled and sticking up in random places. He looked heavenly.

“Hi.” He said shyly.

“I was just about to go to your door. I had a bad dream.” You told him. You were anxious to skip the semantics and cut right to the chase.

The chase being, “I love you and I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

“Yeah, I heard. That’s why I’m here.” Peter explained. That’s not what he wanted to say. What he wanted to say was, “I’m always here if you need me. I’d go to the ends of the earth for you. I love you. It’ll be okay.”

Peter looked at you funny for a moment, like he was seeing something beneath the surface.

“She looks so beautiful.” He thought. Makeup free, hair a little messy, and nothing but an oversized sweatshirt to cover you. Peter recognized the sweatshirt as his own, one you had swiped from his laundry basket because you had been freezing while watching Alien in his room. He felt so honored to know that you slept in it. Peter wondered how many times he could fall in love with you in a short span of time. In the past few seconds, he’d fallen about 15 times. Once for every breath you took. And you were breathing quite heavily.

“You heard?” You asked, wondering how he

had possible heard from his apartment.

“My hearing is excellent.” He said quickly. “Are you alright?”

“Please be alright.” He thought. “I’d stop anything that tried to hurt you. I’ll protect you from the storm. Don’t shut me out. Don’t turn me away. Let me love you.”

“Um…” You trailed off and looked behind you at your empty apartment. The darkness looked anything but inviting. You couldn’t go back in there just yet.

“No?” It came out as more of a question.

“No? Do you want to talk about it-“ Peter was cut off when you rushed into his arm and hugged him tightly. He seemed taken aback, seeing as you nearly knocked the wind out of him. But as soon as he found his footing, he wrapped his strong arms around you and held you close. You relaxed in Peters embrace and let out a sigh.

“I had a nightmare.” You croaked. “You died and I couldn’t save you.”

“I know. It’s okay. You’re awake now. I’m here.” Peter said soothingly.

“I’ve been here the whole time.” He thought. “I will never abandon you. You are safe in my arms. Nothing can hurt you now. I won’t let it.”

You pulled away a little and looked at his face, seeing how tired it was.

“Would you stay with me?” You asked timidly. You didn’t want him to go. Not now, not ever.

“Always.” Peter answered with a smile. “As if I could ever leave you.”

Your lips lit up in a smile as your eyes fell to his lips. They lingered there for too long, or maybe just long enough. Peter took the hint and slipped his hand behind your neck and began to pull you closer. As your lips were about to touch, your door slammed, causing you to jump out of each other’s embrace.

“Shit balls.” You said immediately, letting out an annoyed sigh.

“What?” Peter asked, giggling a little at your choice of profanity.

“I just locked myself out.” You realized as you jiggled through door handle. Peter laughed louder this time and put a hand on your shoulder.

“Come on. You’re sleeping over.” He said, leading you back to his apartment with his hand on the small of his back.

You entered Peters room for the millionth time, but it felt the first time. Sure, you’d become good friends in the time you’ve lived in the building, but bedrooms were intimate places. The context of you being in Peters bedroom after going to him for comfort changes how you saw the place. After all, bedrooms were windows into the soul. Oh wait, that’s eyes. Still, the room was different. You didn’t feel like you were entering it. You felt like you were returning.

You looked around with a content smile on your face. He still had his academic decathlon posters on his wall, along with a few Avengers posters. Peter was pretty neat, but he was still a teenage boy. Socks and sweaters were strewn across the room. You saw him kicking a pair of boxers under his desk out of the corner of you eye. His room was so cute. It was so…Peter. You noticed a first aid kit on his desk next to his chemistry textbook and wondered what on earth he could be using it for.

“I’ve always liked your room.” You complimented as you touched a decathlon trophy on his dresser.

“Oh thank God.” Peter sighed in relief. “I thought you’d take one look at my nerdy ambiance and run.”

“Star Wars bedsheets?” You asked when you noticed the Death Star poking out under his duvet. You definitely hadn’t seen those before and found them endearing. Peters ears reddened and he fixed his duvet to cover them up.

“Those aren’t mine.” He said quickly.

“Are they Mays? As in May the force be with you?” You played along and he gave you a defeated smile.

“That was the worst thing anyone has ever said. Ever.” Peter joked. You laughed and he gave you a shy smile.

“Fine. They’re my bedsheets. Star Wars is cool, okay?” Peter defended. You took a seat on his bed and shrugged.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me Peter. I just didn’t know you were a loser, is all.”You said simply. Peter sat down on the bed next to you and rolled his eyes.

“Very funny. You’re the funniest person I know.” He said sarcastically. You nudged him with your elbow and he and hit you with a Yoda printed pillow.

“Mm. Good with the force you are.” You commented. Peter groaned loudly and told you to shut up.

“Enough playing around. How was your date?” Peter asked as he turned to face you. You could hear the pain in his voice and regretted ever telling him about the date.

“Oh, you know.” You shrugged. “Terrible.”

You weren’t going to let him off the hook that easy. If Peter really did like you and want to be with you, he needed to say it. He couldn’t just grumble and wallow in self pity when you were with another boy. You wanted to test him to see if he’d ever actually admit his feelings, but a part of you was still scared there were no feelings to admit to.

“Really?” He said excitedly. He cleared his throat to cover it up and grunted. “I mean, really?” He asked calmly.

“Yeah it was awful. I definitely won’t be seeing him again.” You sighed sadly, but you weren’t actually sad. You were just putting on a show for Peter. Peter bit the inside of his cheek to stop the smile from emerging.

“That’s terrible.” Peter lied. “What went wrong?”

His acting was equally as bad as your own. He had a shit eating grin on his face, pretending to be sad when he was clearly over the moon.

“It was going fine all night until the kiss.” You sighed dramatically, looking longingly out the window. You might as well have thrown yourself onto the balcony and cried out for Romeo. Peter, however, was buying every second of it.

“You guys kissed?” He asked, his voice heavy with disappointment. He looked miserable. All you wanted to do was throw your arms around his neck and tell him he was the only one for you. Instead, you kept your feelings to yourself and nodded slowly.

“Almost. He leaned in and…” instead of finishing your sentence, you just shrugged. You could tell Peter was on the edge of his seat so you dragged it as long as you could.

“And?” Peter practically begged. You let out another long, dramatic sigh as Peter took a slow sip of his water bottle.

“And I threw up on him.” You said simply. Peter spat out the water in his mouth and burst out laughing, doing his best to cover it up. You gave him a fake angry look but ended up laughing as well.

“What?” Peter laughed.

“He was such a tool.” You whined. “He talked down to me the entire night and then had the audacity to try and kiss me. I don’t know what happened but all the sudden he was leaning in and I was throwing up. He deserved it though. He treated me like was an idiot. I’m almost glad I threw up on him.”

Peters was overjoyed. He was about to say something when we heard a straggled cry of your name.

You and Peter rushed to his peephole and saw a familiar blonde haired boy standing in the hallway.

There he was, Matt, outside your apartment door with his phone on full volume playing “Hungry Eyes” from Dirty Dancing.

“What the actual hell?” You wondered out loud. “I better get rid of him.”

“Y/nnnnnn. I’m sorry I was a jerk.” Matt slurred. “Please talk to me. I told the doorman we were cousins. Then I told the elevator guy that I was your husband. You may need to move now. Y/nnnn.”

“You definitely can’t go out there.” Peter shook his head. “He could have a knife.”

“Or worse.” You whispered, making Peter looked at you fearfully. “He could have the same loser bedsheets you do.”

Peter scrunched his nose at you and picked up you swiftly to threw you onto the couch.

“Since when are you so strong?” You laughed in shock. Peter shrugged and held out a hand.

“Let’s go to bed.” He said. You raised an eyebrow and he quickly added, “In a non-sexual, platonic way.”

He was always so cautious of offending you or making you uncomfortable. You appreciated how much of a gentleman he was and knew Aunt May had implemented those qualities in him.

“You can take the bed.” He offered. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Let me know if you need anything.”

You nodded and climbed into his bed, patting the the space next to you.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You told him. “Get in.”

Peter looked at you with wide eyes, looking very unsure of himself as he toyed with the hem of his shirt.

He was torn. He wanted to get into the bed, but he also knew you were vulnerable right now and he didn’t want to take advantage of you. He didn’t want to do anything you’d end up regretting in the morning.

“Get in, in a non-sexual, platonic way.” You added. Peter relaxed but stayed standing. You pretended to splash Peter and twirled your hand around the bedsheets as if they were water.

“Come on in Parker. The waters warm.” You said in a low voice.

“I am…repulsed.” Peter deadpanned. In reality, he was dying to get in the bed. He wasn’t gonna try anything, he just wanted to feel you close. He wanted to comfort you and take the pain of the night away. Finally, he got into the bed and pulled the covers up. He shut off his lamp and we fell into comfortable silence.

“Good night, Peter.” You whispered, turning your back to him and cuddling into his pillow.

“Night, Y/n.” He whispered back. You felt his eyes on the back of your neck still. He didn’t want to close them and fall asleep. He wanted to stay in this moment as long as he could.

You soon felt hesitant arms wrap around your waist. Peter was very unsure of himself and kept his hands loosely on your hips, barely touching. You turned your neck around and looked at him quizzically.

“What the hell are you doing?” You demanded. His hands flew off your waist and his eyes widened with fear. He looked so apologetic, you thought he might cry.

“Do you not know how to cuddle?” You asked before he could blurt out an apology. You grabbed his arms and pulled them tightly around your body. You held his hands in your own, flush against your chest. Peter felt really tense at first and a bit stiff, but he soon relaxed and nestled into your hair.

“You smell really good.” He muttered. You laughed softly against his body, prompting Peter to hold you even tighter.

“I’ve wanted this for so long, Y/N.” He whispered. He said it so quietly, you figured he thought you had fallen asleep. “Sweet dreams.”

You woke up the next morning in Peter Parker’s arms. Subsequently, you wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of your life in Peter Parker’s arms. You were a mess of tangled limbs and hair but you found yourself firmly in his embrace, inhaling his cologne.

Peters eyes fluttered open suddenly and you were nose to nose.

“Hi.” You said softly, a playful smile resting on your lips. He was so pretty in the morning. He didn’t even have to try.

“Hey.” He chuckled. “This is new.”

“It is new. Is it okay?” You asked him, not wanting to overstep his boundaries.

“Is waking up next to the actual sun okay?” He teased. “Uh yea, Y/n. It’s okay. You can sleep over anytime you like if it means more mornings like this.”

Of course he said that. He held all your strings and knew just how to tug them.

“Did you really not enjoy that date?” He whispered, but in his head thought, “Do you want to be with anyone else?”

You didn’t know why he was whispering, but the look in his eyes told you he was dead serious.

“Not in the slightest.” You answered honestly. What you wanted to say was, “Because it wasn’t with you.”, but you didn’t.

“Would you…would you want to go out with me sometime?” He asked shyly. “I promise I won’t throw up on you.”

He said the second part as if it was the only way you’d say yes to the date, which made you laugh.

“Peter Parker, I have waited exactly 64 days for you to ask me that question and you just had to ruin it by promising you won’t throw up on me?” You playfully scolded as Peters eyes lit up.

“Is that a yes?” He asked excitedly.

“It’s a yes.” You nodded, holding his nearest hand. “It’s always been a yes.”

“Can I-“ He began.

“Don’t ask.” You whispered. “Just do it.”

Peter leaned in slowly and you did the same. His lips had just ghosted yours when Aunt May knocked on the door. He bolted out of bed as you sat up.

“Breakfast is ready. Did you clean your room?” Aunt May called from the other side of the door.

“Yes.” Peter called back. You looked around. No he didn’t

“No you didn’t.” She said knowingly. She didn’t even have to see his room to know it wasn’t clean.

“I’ll clean it after.” He groaned.

“I’m coming in.” She said suddenly, making you and Peter look at each other in fear.

“Don’t! I’m naked.” He screamed.

“Fine. But it better be clean after breakfast. And put some clothes on. You should not be naked at 7 am.” Aunt May said. You heard her footsteps walking away and knew it was safe to speak. You got out of Peters bed as he got up to lock the door, his back still to you as he did it.

“Alright.” He sighed. “That should buy us some ti-“

The second he turned around, he was met with your lips on his. You had your hands on the sides of his face and your head tilted to the left. You felt Peters eyes flutter shut as his eyelashes tickled your cheeks. He was frozen at first, but slowly wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer. You melted into him and he melted right back into you. The kiss was short and sweet, but absolutely perfect.

When you pulled away, Peter gave you the softest eyes ever. A grateful smile was on his lips.

“I am so over these interrupted moments.” You laughed softly as you shook your head. Peters eyes twinkled in agreement. The sun was coming through the window and made his brown eyes look like pots of honey. You could stare at them forever.

And then he kissed you again, with confidence this time. He wasn’t ready for the last one since you caught him off guard. You let your fingers tangle in the messy curls at the back of his neck, something you thought you’d only get to dream of doing. Peter groaned slightly into your mouth as you tugged on his hair, indicating that he liked it. He put his hand under your neck and slipped his toungue in your mouth. Who knew Peter Parker knew how to kiss? He tasted like morning breath, spearmint chapstick, and something you could only identify as being exclusively Peter. When you pulled apart, he looked up at the sky and sighed.

“If I wake up and this is all a dream I’m going to fight you.” He said menacingly.

“Did you just threaten God?” You laughed.

“For you? Anthing. I’ll fight anyone for your honor. Our Lord and Savior can catch these hands can square up.” He promised.

“You’ve gone to far.” You joked. “We need to break up.”

“Don’t even joke. I’ve waited too long for this.” Peter said as he wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m only teasing. I’ve waited my whole life for you Parker. I’m never letting you go.” You told him. He burst out in a smile and kissed you swiftly, then promptly got down on one knee.

“Will you please be mine, darling? Officially?” He pleaded softly. There was so much hope in his eyes so you pretended to think about it.

“Sorry.” You shrugged. “I’m pretty busy with Matt.”

Peter stood up and gripped your hips, pulling you closer while you let out a small gasp.

“I never want to hear his name again. He had the privilege of taking my girl on a date and treated her poorly?” He raised an eyebrow. “He’s a deadman if I ever see him around here. Now, I need you to tell me you’re my girlfriend before my heart explodes. Tell me you’re mine. I won’t believe it until you say it. ”

You nodded yes as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his lips.

“Peter Parker, I always have, and always will be, yours.”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x venom!reader #venom!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #iron man #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction

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mollrat101 · 3 years ago

Text

Relationship Analysis: Marty & Mayor Pezzimenti

For the Ava and Deborah Could Be Endgame series, I’m going to analyze some of the non-Ava/Deborah relationships on the show and how they serve their love story in this Relationships series.

Read the rest of the endgame series here or on A03.

Read this essay on A03

First off, we’re going to examine the relationship between Marty and Mayor Pezzimenti!

….Hear me out.

While I think the mayor is a funny character, I had to start racking my brain to think of why she’s in the story.

She’s not exactly a throwaway character. She has several lines of dialogue, she interacts with the main characters and, as she has a major role in this world, she’s not likely going to disappear anytime soon.

But remember the always important adage throughout this whole essay series: everything in this show ultimately serves Ava and Deborah’s story.

So how does the Mayor serve their story?

In episode 7, two love triangles are set up.

Ava/Deborah/Marty (the most important one)

Deborah/Marty/Mayor Pezzimenti

These two love triangles are interlinked.

The question of whether or not Ava and Deborah end up a couple at least partially rests on whether or not Deborah can finally get away from her toxic affair with Marty. While season 1 ends with them definitely not reconciled, this likely isn’t the end for them. Deborah also claimed in episode 2 that she would never sleep with him again and yet in episode 7 she did, so this is a 30-year affair that is perpetually stuck in a cycle Deb can’t seem to fully break free of despite her desire to.

In the dinner scene in episode 7, Deborah and DJ are sitting across from each other at the ends of the table, signifying how they are mirrors that face off against each other in this scene. Tellingly, Aidan and Marty are sitting right across from each other, almost trying to suggest that Marty is Deborah’s ‘Aidan’...except he’s definitely not.

Not only because subtextually, Aidan is an Ava parallel (same first initial, same hair color, same kind and loyal demeanor), but because Marty doesn’t love Deborah unconditionally like Aidan loves DJ. DJ even points this out.

“You’re just jealous because someone actually loves me”

DJ knows something is up with Marty and her mom. Just like Deb’s other child, Marcus, DJ likely knows about their affair. And she is saying this to her mom while Marty is sitting right there. DJ has seen their toxic relationship for several years now and she knows Marty doesn’t love Deborah. And as DJ is an extension of Deborah herself, DJ is simply saying something that Deb knows deep down.

The episode goes out of its way to confirm that it is Ava who loves Deborah for exactly who she is.

It is Ava who dreams about romantically being with Deborah after she saw her physically and emotionally vulnerable in episode 6 (which contrasts how Deborah can’t even take her off wig when having sex with Marty). It is Ava who looks sympathetically at Deborah after she’s clearly broken her daughter’s heart.

It is Ava who comforts her daughter, but also doesn’t do it by throwing her under the bus. She tries to persuade DJ that Deborah isn’t malicious, but scared and in pain.

It is Ava who looks as though she would rather stay and comfort Deborah than drive DJ and Aidan home.

It is Ava who knows how much it would devastate Deb to miss her daughter’s wedding so she video calls her.

By the beginning of episode 8, Marty once again betrays her and uses her. Marty doesn’t love Deborah “for exactly who she is”. Ava does.

But back to table arrangements.

At the dinner, the Mayor asks Damien:

Mayor: “How about after we get done with our entrees, why don’t we all change seats? Just kind of switch it up a little. How about that?”

Damien: “No. That’s not how this is gonna work.”

This line speaks to how entitled and arrogant the Mayor is, but considering how much this show loves its callbacks this could also be foreshadowing.

When you watch that dinner scene, there’s an inherent feeling of wrongness. Deborah created the seating arrangements. That’s why Damien said they weren’t going to change anything. He’s following her orders. She deliberately sat Marty next to her, as if symbolically trying to pretend that Marty is her ‘Aidan’.

But the whole night, Ava is gazing longingly at Deborah and Deb seems to be putting some distance between her and Ava. They had an intense bonding experience last episode, but Ava and Deb don’t interact that much this episode. Deb seems to be avoiding Ava a little and hyper focusing on Marty which as I’ve discussed is incredibly weird considering how her and Marty last left off.

By suggesting the seating arrangements be changed, the Mayor could be predicting a future where the Mayor and Marty are dating and so they are sitting together (it’s obvious that’s her motivation for saying it) and, the thing we most care about, Ava and Deborah will be together and sitting next to each other. Ava will be where she belongs, right beside Deborah.

I want to be extremely clear here that I couldn’t give two shits about what happens to Marty. He’s not going to evolve, he’s not going to change and he’s not going to end up with Deborah (I will feel a hate crime has been committed otherwise).

But if you’re looking for a potential perfect partner for Marty, it would be Mayor Pezzimenti.

Even before the dinner scene actually, we see the two love triangles together. Perfectly halved, the Mayor ends up with Marty and Deborah ends up with Ava. Plus, the framing of it also puts Ava, Deborah and DJ together which sets up the family unit that they basically act like in this episode.

Marty and the Mayor are arrogant, entitled, awful people and they frankly deserve each other.

Marty is more attracted to Deborah than he is to his younger romantic partners, but he hides this because he wants the status symbol of having a hot, younger woman on his arm. In private, Marty could actually be very attracted to the mayor. She’s closer in age to Deb and she’s also a blonde. She could be viewed as almost a knock off version of Deborah. While she is the Mayor, Deborah is the Queen of Sin City, but Marty doesn’t deserve Deborah, so it would only be appropriate to be knocked down a few pegs.

So far we’ve only seen the Mayor’s blatant displays of attraction to Marty, but there’s no reason he couldn’t reciprocate in the future, especially if he knew Deb was no longer available. If he’s looking to have his ego stroked, well, the Mayor is as good a woman as any.

Plus, Marty’s attraction to his toxic relationship with Deb is that he’s never bored with her. Deb tells Marcus while drunk that Marty loved being blackmailed by her which likely has a grain of truth to it. Marty is constantly bored by his younger partners and seems to actually want a partner who excites him. Marty would never be bored with the Mayor. Not necessarily in a good way, but he seems to be into that anyway. They can go off and have an absolutely awful relationship together.

Her age could potentially be a reason Marty doesn’t want to, but in exchange for compromising on that he can still have power and status by being with her and again he’ll never be bored.

Finally, there’s one more scene where it could suggest they could end up together.

Damien and Josefina go to usher the Mayor out the door, but she says she’s waiting for Marty to come back from the bathroom.

We know that Marty ends up staying the night with Deborah, the Mayor gets kicked out and he doesn’t go home with her. But Marty staying over isn’t a positive thing and it doesn’t end with him and Deborah’s feelings being cemented for each other. It could be a subtle suggestion that, in the future, the Mayor will be taking Marty home with her.

This is a good thing because then it will keep Marty the fuck away from Deborah’s house.

But the most important reason I would like this unholy ship to set sail is simply because it’s fucking hilarious.

Can we appreciate the beautiful irony in that?

Marty cycles through 20-something women and has superficial relationships with them and then ends up with a woman around his age and it is Deborah who ends up in a loving relationship with a 26-year old? I mean that is just *chef’s kiss* an absolutely beautiful execution of irony.

Seeing Marty and the Mayor be a toxic, awful power couple which allows Ava and Deborah to be the ultimate comedy power couple and the true Queens of Las Vegas is just the kind of comic ending I would hope for with this show.

#hacks hbo #hbo hacks #hacks #hacks thoughts #ava and deb endgame series #marty ghilain #deborah vance #mayor pezzimenti #ava daniels #ava x deborah #avorah #relationships series

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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 4 years ago

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what do you think about the aang is possessive comment? about EIP ruining kataang? also about there being an implied (and nonexistent) love triangle thrown in nearing the end of the series as a tease?

I think fandom just likes to complain, lmao, but I’ll address each of these one at a time!

1) “aang is possessive”

This argument is honestly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard because it’s just so obviously false?? Possessive is literally defined as “demanding someone’s total attention and love,” which Aang never does? Aang always respects Katara’s position in their relationship, especially after the EIP kiss, which everyone knows was entirely inappropriate and wrong of him. Aang recognizes her hesitation and makes no more romantic attempts towards her after that moment. Not one! Katara is the one who initiates them getting together in the finale because the war is finally over and she is no longer afraid of losing him. I beg people, do point to the “possessiveness” you’re referring to, because the closest we get to any character being possessive is Zuko in “The Beach”:

Zuko: [Side-view of Zuko and Mai walking.] He thinks he’s so great. [To Mai.] Well, what do you think of him?

Mai: I don’t have any opinion about him. I hardly know him.

Zuko: You like him, don’t you? [Mai sighs and walks away.]

Ruon-Jian: What are you doing?

Zuko: [Close-up. Angrily.] Stop talking to my girlfriend!

Ruon-Jian: [Side-view. Walks up to Zuko.] Relax. It’s just a party.

Frontal view of Ruon-Jian. Zuko knocks him across the room into a vase, which breaks from the force.

Yeah, Aang never acts like that. 🤷

Now, this isn’t to say Aang doesn’t get jealous. Jealousy is a perfectly normal and natural emotion, and honestly I’d go so far as to say that everyone has been jealous at least once in their life. What’s key about Aang is he doesn’t act on his jealousy. He doesn’t throw anybody across a room, for one. Sure, he doesn’t want Katara to kiss Jet, so he makes a little quiet comment about it. Pretty normal, and it ends there. Not dissimilar to Katara’s bit of snark about On Ji! Even the EIP comment, which everyone uses to argue that Aang is “possessive” (which again, blatantly untrue, because he does not demand or expect a relationship with Katara as a result of that scene; also all he does is nod lmao and tbh that’s such a healthy reaction to jealousy I mean he doesn’t grab Zuko and chuck him onto the stage like his name is Ruon-Jian, does he?) - Aang literally just gets upset about the implication from an imperialist play that Katara doesn’t reciprocate his feelings. Why?

Let’s be frank: Aang knows, or is fairly certain, that Katara does like him by this point in the series. That’s why he doesn’t ask her “do you like me”. Instead, he asks:

Aang: But it’s true, isn’t it? We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.

By this point the show, the viewers know their feelings are mutual. Katara knows how Aang feels about her, and Aang knows Katara likes him, too - he just isn’t sure about how ready she is for a relationship. So him getting upset about the propagandist, pro-imperialism play implying Katara isn’t interested in him, when he essentially knows she does like him, is honestly kind of understandable? Imagine if you were watching a really rude movie about your life and it included a scene of your best friend who you’re already kind of in a relationship with saying that they’re in love with the dude who used to bully you and only think of you as their sibling. Like, that’s kinda wack? I’d be a little upset - and definitely weirded out - too.

(I’ve also seen people argue Aang leaving Guru Pathik to save Katara also somehow demonstrates his so-called possessiveness, as if his love for her and her love for him wasn’t established mere minutes earlier to be the love of the Air Nomads reborn. I don’t think the show could have been any clearer about how mutual, powerful, and honest their love is through that scene. Also, he proceeds to let her go to enter the Avatar state at the end of what? The next episode? So again, any arguments that he was “possessive” and “didn’t let her go” are thus moot and entirely inapplicable points.)

Basically, Aang isn’t “possessive” and people who think he is are just looking for an excuse to hate on him, lmao.

2) “eip ruined kataang”

The only way EIP could have ruined Kataang would be if all the previous Kataang buildup was either terrible or near-nonexistent. And great news! Kataang was built up very well throughout the series, growing from a close, deep friendship to cute, blushy crushes to a true, lasting romance (pretty iconic of them). Even if someone doesn’t ship them, they can acknowledge that within canon, Kataang had a very strong foundation (it’s one of the core relationships of the show, the other being Zuko and Aang as narrative foils). The implication that one poorly written episode somehow cancels out the previous 56 episodes and the following four is embarrassing.

Now, I certainly wouldn’t have minded if there had been a scene dedicated to Aang and Katara discussing his poorly-timed kiss. I ship Kataang, so there is absolutely no reason for me to be opposed to more Kataang content! But A:TLA has a very clear trend of not showing such discussions on screen - example: Zuko never sits down with Katara and apologizes for using her mother’s necklace to manipulate her; Katara never apologizes to Sokka for her callous comment about their mother - so the fact that Katara is the one to initiate their relationship at the end of the serious clearly demonstrates that she has forgiven Aang for his inappropriate kiss and is ready to be with him. (And I’ve said it before - if she can forgive Zuko for all the shit he put them through, she can forgive Aang, her best friend and the guy she loves, for one poorly-timed kiss.) Narratively speaking, ’twas resolved.

Also, it’s incredibly important to consider EIP within the context of the series as a whole. If someone really feels entirely devastated by that one episode, then… their loss? I’m sorry to hear it? 56 episodes of near-flawless buildup - a slight dip + a healthy, logical finale where Katara chooses to be with Aang because she is at last no longer afraid of losing him = more than good enough for me. People can argue her decision doesn’t make sense all they want, but it actually makes perfect sense when you consider what has been built through every previous episode: she was in love with him! You can’t isolate a single episode and expect it to speak for the series as a whole, after all.

Basically, EIP gets blown out of proportion because some people like to pretend it was the only Kataang episode ever written, lmao.

3) love triangle

I always laugh when I see this because where?? The only love triangle in A:TLA was the one fandom invented. Within the canon narrative, Katara and Zuko were never romantically interested in each other. I don’t care about “shipping-goggle interpretations” or AUs or post-canon or early planning that didn’t make it into the final drafts. If you look at A:TLA, if you look at the creators’ intentions, it’s plain as day that Kataang and Maiko were the only romantic pairings planned for Katara and Zuko. And that’s okay! That’s why fanon exists. But people have got to stop whining about a love triangle and ship teases that just… didn’t occur. If they read Zuko and Katara’s interactions as romantic, well, that’s great and all, but it’s also on them, lol. That sounds so mean oml I’m sorry y’all 💀. I just mean that Kataang was very clearly written into the show from episode 1 and Maiko from Book 2 (or Book 3 if you really, really don’t like the flashback), so expecting Zuko and Katara to get together doesn’t make any sense (to me) when they never had any romantically-coded interactions.

Yes, of course I’ll admit there were a few Zvtara gags, but that’s exactly what they were - gags. There’s three primary instances:

- June calling the owner of the Water Tribe necklace (whom we know is Katara) Zuko’s girlfriend in Book 1. This moment is mainly hilarious because Zuko promptly redirects the conversation to Aang, lmao, but thinking about the context of A:TLA itself? The assumption of the Fire Nation crown prince being in a relationship with someone from the Water Tribe is honestly pretty concerning given how the Fire Nation is an imperialist conqueror and has all but destroyed the Water Tribes (and has certainly worked to sever the connection between the North and South). So, not exactly a great conclusion on June’s part.

- The EIP gag. I ALWAYS laugh at this one because their reactions are so funny? I love the little disgusted nose wrinkles and scooting away. That’s hysterical to me. But again, thinking about the show itself, EIP is an imperialist play full of Fire Nation propaganda. With that in mind, again, the implication that their crown prince was with someone from the SWT, a nation they brought to its knees by killing all of the waterbenders (but one) and thus eradicating so much of the SWT’s culture? Major red flags! People need to consider the implications of EIP as imperialist propaganda, basically, because that’s what it is. Ignoring that aspect means missing the entire point of the play.

- June part 2. What I said above still applies. Also, they both get embarrassed and hotly deny it, which is kind of the opposite of a ship tease to me? They don’t exchange like an “oh, but what if” glance or anything, lol. And June backs off immediately, so... 🤷

People who interpret that as serious ship teases are, bless their hearts, a little misguided. Those are just funny moments! It’s like Katara and Sokka dressing up as Aang’s parents in “The Headband”. It’s funny! It’s contextual! Sokka and Katara are not romantically interested in each other just because they dressed up as husband and wife (ew), just as Katara and Zuko aren’t romantically interested in each other because there were three jokes about it. I really don’t know what else to say lmao.

Now, I don’t know all about what Bryke did outside of A:TLA in regards to Zuko and Katara’s relationship and fans of it. I wasn’t here for that lol. But I do know that A:TLA built a beautiful, platonic bond akin to surrogate siblings between Zuko and Katara (highlighted by the final Agni Kai with Katara and Azula as foils). Not a love triangle. “The Southern Raiders” was an episode about Katara and Kya, not Zuko and Katara. “The Crossroads of Destiny” paints an aching, gorgeous parallel between Oma and Shu and Katara and Aang, not Katara and Zuko. “The Boiling Rock: Part 2” was an episode involving the loyalty and love of Mai and Zuko, not Katara and Zuko. Katara and Aang had romantic parallels, Mai and Zuko had romantic parallels, while Katara and Zuko - within canon - had strictly platonic development. And honestly, fandom should appreciate that more! How often do we get such an iconic relationship between a guy and a gal that isn’t shadowed by romance? (The answer: not often enough.)

Now, this doesn’t mean don’t ship Katara and Zuko. I don’t care what people ship lmao, and there are some interpretations of Zvtara that I really enjoy (post-canon Zvtara has so much potential,, I die a thousand deaths oml)! But insisting there was some love triangle thrown at the end of the series is a discredit to how well Aang and Katara’s and Zuko and Katara’s relationships were written in A:TLA, and I’m honestly tired of hearing such tomfoolery. A romantic relationship between Zuko and Katara within canon would have completely undermined his entire redemption arc, which further emphasizes that their canon bond was meant to be solely platonic, because why would the writers want to undo what most consider the best redemption arc in animated history? (Simply put, I don’t think they would.)

Also, A:TLA had a very clear history of staying away from love triangles. There’s no Aang x Katara x Jet love triangle. No Yue x Sokka x Suki love triangle. So why would there be an Aang x Katara x Zuko love triangle?

Case in point: there isn’t. Fandom invented it.

So that’s my thoughts, anon! It can be summarized as this: fandom makes up a lot of nonsense that simply rewatching the show can dispute, so maybe we should just start providing episode timestamps to people, lol.

A general note - people are free to disagree with this post, but I ain’t looking to argue, so… make your own post if you want to develop a “counterargument”, I guess? I’m just chillin™ lol I don’t want to fight with people. I can give you my PayPal if you’d really like to engage in a proper academic debate? Anyways. Much love! 💕

#adding the line break after i post!!#katara #aang #zuko #atla #avatar the last airbender #kataang #atla meta #the ember island players #amy answers #anon #amy analyzes

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shinjaeha · 4 years ago

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itsay ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)

itsay ep 3 fucking obliterated me so here i am with some more thoughts on this episode (drama) in general. this is just me being an incoherent mess bc my mind is basically just one long !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after having watched this (once raw and again subbed). this isn’t an analysis, it’s literally me just gushing over the ep as i watch it bc boy oh BOY.

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING HITTING DIFFERENT AFTER THE BOAT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i thought the tension in the boat knocked the breath out of me, this whole ep was that x10000.

they really started us off with a bang having continued straight off from last ep with teh smelling oh-aew’s hair, huh?? teh rubbing his face with the coconut paralleled with oh-aew smelling his coconut scented shampoo?? excuse me as i cry into my hands.

teh wasn’t willing to wake up early for tarn when she wanted to draw early in the morning, but when he sees that oh-aew wants to wake up early to study, HE’S the one that makes sure that oh-aew wakes up (and he stays up to keep oh-aew company, even if it’s just over the phone). then again when they’re at the resort...love that tarn realises that too. boy ain’t subtle. also, how is it even possible that they can have that much tension just speaking over the phone?? they’re not even in the same room and the tension between the two of them is so thick i can barely breathe.

the “let me know when you’re home”!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR. as soon as oh-aew asked teh why he always asked tarn that, i KNEW they were gonna put that in there for him and oh-aew and i’m glad i wasn’t disappointed :))) the look on oh-aew’s face when he saw the text!!!!!!!!!!! the way he stopped in his tracks!!!!!!!!!

i already had a feeling that oh-aew was going to be the first one to properly realise and accept his feelings for teh based on the teasers (makes sense since he already knows he likes boys...he’s more sure of his sexuality, which would of course make it easier for him to accept based on that). seeing the way he used the ‘if you get close to him and he doesn’t move away it means he likes you’ theory that teh initially told him to try on bas with teh too was really cute. and the jealousy over tarn. i LOVED that we got to see a more petty side to him when he announced he was going to room with bas partly bc of how lowkey jealous/mad he was about teh and tarn talking over the phone. it left teh so unsettled and confused (the piano music was PERFECT in that scene), and is 510% something teh would have done too (based on the previous two eps). they really are a perfect match huh. but poor bas being caught in the middle of the two of them ;;;

i liked that a lot of this ep was from oh-aew’s perspective. i feel like we got mostly teh’s pov in the first two eps, so it was really nice to see things from oh-aew’s pov too. gave us all more insight into his personality and he’s honestly SO MUCH more flirty than i thought he was going to be omg. the potato chip scene where he just crawled over to teh and ate that potato chip all the while staring straight at teh, then lying on his lap?????????? teh was (understandably) flustered after that AND SO WAS I. i was not expecting that whatsoever. i was also really impressed with how honest oh-aew was about his feelings. i love that he’s stayed true to their previous heart to heart in the boat scene last ep where he basically told teh that he wanted transparency between the two of them. he’s sticking to that, and i admire him so much for being able to be that vulnerable and true to himself. i thought there might have been more confusion with bas, but it looks like as soon as he realised his feelings might have faded/that he was feeling things for teh now, he just went with it. i know in my last text post i said that oh-aew is usually the more cautious/pragmatic of the two, but i feel like when it comes to his feelings, he seems to be really in tune with who and what he wants (more so than teh). this of course makes sense bc he’s likely had more time to come to terms with his sexuality...which is what teh’s figuring out for himself now. on top of that, oh-aew’s feelings for teh are a lot stronger than the ones he has for bas. and since he’s also more certain that teh likes him back, he’s so much bolder in how he approaches teh. and teh, to his credit, returns that honesty too when oh-aew basically pushes him into acknowledging that there’s ~something between them (hammock scene). i was kind of expecting him to push away from that/deny it, but he didn’t. he’s obviously just a lot more confused with his feelings and still needs some time to understand them and process them fully. on a related note, hammock scene was so loaded and SO well acted by the both of them. the fact that they can move from playful in one scene too achingly intense in another always throws me for a loop.

another thing i really love about the two of them is how they push one another to be better. it’s that rivalry that makes their bond even stronger, but it’s also something that worries me for future eps ngl...

but i honestly feel SO BAD for bas...clearly, he likes oh-aew, and although oh-aew was initially confused with the two of them, he’s definitely more convinced when it comes to his feelings for teh. but when bas essentially asked oh-aew out, and oh-aew said let’s invite the rest of they guys?? he looked so sad and my heart kind of broke a little. it’s like watching the poor second lead in a kdrama. and tarn too :( i really hope that when teh accepts his feelings for oh-aew, he doesn’t keep her hanging on the way that most BLs tend to do. she deserves so much better than that. my heart really hurts for the both of them, but at the same time teh and oh-aew are just magnets being pulled together at this point. they can’t stay away from each other.

the scene where teh rubs the smell of oh-aew’s coconut scented pen (from what he’s written) all over his face bc he’s at his limit and can’t stand all those pent up feelings anymore, only to race out to their special meeting place on the beach????? the moment he sees that oh-aew’s there too and he chases after him entranced (and the smile on oh-aew’s face)????? the way the instrumental ost just swells the moment they see each other????? the way they tease and dance around another yet again????? PURE ART. A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE. THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRAMA I HAVE EVER SEEN. this whole sequence has to be my fave scene in this ep. god, that part where the camera closes in on them and they’re face to face before oh-aew steps away again had my heart trying to flutter its way out of my CHEST. THEY HAVEN’T EVEN KISSED IN THE SERIES YET AND THEY CAN REDUCE ME TO THIS. honestly, their power is something else. the fact that they can stir so many emotions in all of us just by the way they glance at one another, by the way they dart around one another barely touching...there are dramas/movies with multiple kiss/love scenes that can’t even create that tension and longing. it’s the kind of chemistry that burns you inside out. it’s so palpable.

the thigh massage scene had me CAPTIVATED (like all their scenes tbh) and then teh’s mum came to wake me (and the both of them) up haha. but for real, there’s just something so tentative about what’s happening. these feelings are new to them, and they’re easing their way into it. always toeing the line, but not overstepping it yet. it’s primal. they keep letting those feelings build up more and more and more. and you can always feel the way it’s leading to something else. and of course it leads into the next scene where teh’s tutoring oh-aew again but the atmosphere is so incredibly heavy, so tight, that they can’t contain it anymore (i mean, the fact that they contained it for so long when they’re teenage boys with feelings for one another is already astounding enough to me). teh tries so hard, but then the back scratch happens and...THIS ICONIC SCENE...i thought they were going to kiss then (before oh-aew turned around), but then we got something else entirely and the intimacy of it all. just wow. literally not a single kiss and it was one of the most sensual scenes i have ever seen in a BL. it’s just the way they get so caught up in one another. THE YEARNING OF IT ALL. this whole ep was just pure anticipation, and i have never ever wanted two characters to kiss more than i do these two. it’s the build up that gets me (idk if this can be considered slow build since there’s only been like three eps but it sure as hell feels like it!!!!!!!!!). then teh pulls away and it’s like a smack in the gut...but at the same time, i get it. he’s not ready yet. there’s so much for him to take in and he’s not there yet (not the way oh-aew is), and just like oh-aew, it keeps us all hanging on, so close but not quite there yet.

so much of this felt like this cat and mouse game between the both of them where one of them would advance, then retract...it makes the tension between the two of them even MORE overwhelming bc you keep anticipating something, and you get fleeting moments of it, but then it’s over by the time you blink. they keep toying with one another, but not crossing the line YET bc they know that that’ll change everything the moment they do. it’s such a testament to the writing AND the acting bc it’s the chemistry that bkpp have with one another that creates all of that push and pull dynamic, that yearning and desire. having to wait a whole week again is just devastating...i think next ep seems like it might be the climax?? i’m pretty sure it’ll be the ep where teh accepts his feelings (or at least won’t be able to hold himself back physically anymore), where all the build up finally properly erupts, but at the same time, i just know that the angst is going to start piling up and idk how to feel other than terrified bc i’m way too invested now tbh.

anyway, this drama is absolutely magnificent, and all i want to do is rave about how damn good it is. so high quality. it feels so fresh, like they’re reinvented the tried and true coming of age tale in a way, and we’re all just along for the ride. it transcends the typical thai BL story (and i now understand why they were hesitant to label this as BL when it really feels like it encompasses so much more than the usual BL tropes and story). one of my fave dramas of the year by far (BL or otherwise). it’s just a class apart from any drama i’ve watched before and ticks every single box for me. stunning in every way. down to every detail and every feeling and emotion. it’s so raw and real and i can’t praise what nadao and the team have done with this enough (and we still have 2 more eps to go!!). there’s just so much meaning in every little thing, and in all those little things you can see the time and care it’s taken them to make this.

#wait have i talked about the ost and how they use music and silence in this bc it's brilliant!! perfection!!#i told sunset about you #itsay #bkpp #text #oh and not to mention the chinese lyrics being translated to thai STUNNING #nothing else can compare to how this series makes me feel i could write essays upon essays of my thoughts and it wouldn't be enough #it's the headiness of the two of them that has taken my apart in every way #this has felt like the longest week ever and this next week is going to feel even LONGER until the day i get a new ep once again #i think i prob have more things i want to say but i can't think of anything else off the top of my head i just needed to rant somewhere #normally i would just leave my thoughts and feelings in the tags but this is just too much the way the both of them overwhelm us all #you KNOW i'm gonna rewatch this again bc i can't help myself i really can't #i have a couple feelings on how the end could go and it absolutely worries everything inside of me bc there's A LOT of foreshadowing #going around and it's just got me feeling :///#climax next week (i'm pretty sure it'll be next week) is gonna feel like a volcanic explosion after all this waiting #i can't wait till we get the other teaser and i know what's happening in the next ep preview one too #we're getting the infamous neck kiss in ep 4 and it's gonna scrape out my insides just you fucking watch #i will sob until there is nothing left of me #didn't billkin describe the neck kiss as just the sauce???????? fuck i'm not ready I'M NOT READY #the way this is the only thing i want to talk about for days months years decades #the feel of it def reminds me of cmbyn and yeah i totally see it #it's the authenticity of it somehow

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stranger-who-writes-fiction · 3 years ago

Text

Ya know what these self-indulgent Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow posts need? Self-indulgent banner art, that’s what.

Spoilers for issue #4!

Let’s start this off right with CREATOR CREDITS. Issue 4 of Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow is titled “Restraint, Endurance, and Passion.” Written by Tom King, Art by Bilquis Evely, Colors by Matheus Lopes, Letters by Clayton Cowles, and Edited by Brittany Holzherr. (w/ Assist. Editor: Bixie Mathieu & Senior Editor Mike Cotton)

THE STORY:

Right, so this? This issue? Best one yet.

Also the bleakest of the bunch thus far; even though we don’t always see the brutality of the space pirates that Kara and Ruthye are following, there’s...the suggestion of it. The aftermath. And how Kara responds to it.

Okay, getting a little ahead of myself. BASIC PLOT SUMMARY: Ruthye and Kara continue their pursuit of Krem, who has taken up with Barbond’s Brigands.

The Brigands basically just. Murder and terrorize people, for profit.

Each planet they visit brings new horrors, as well as people who need Supergirl’s help.

And help she does.

KARA-CTERIZATION:

I yell a lot about the art on this book, and have, in fact, openly admitted that I’m primarily here for Evely and Lopes.

Well, that wily son-of-a-gun King went and wrote some of the best ‘Super’ stuff I’ve ever read and dang it, dang it, now I gotta yell about the words too. XD

Specifically, I wanna yell (in a good way!) about some words that occur towards the very end of the book.

Kara and Ruthye have Seen Some Things; things like genocide and mass grave sites and horrible violence, and upon reaching a planet where peaceful monks were slaughtered, Kara’s had enough, and needs to leave because if she screams, she’ll destroy what little is left of the monks’ monastery.

Here’s the text in full, because my gosh. It’s so good:

“What I write next I write based on my observations in those long-ago days at the side of the greatest warrior in the history of this august reality we all call home. It is important to note that my assertions do not rely on anything Supergirl said. It was not a subject we ever discussed or even approached, but nonetheless I believe it to be as true as the turning of worlds. You see, what is not well understood about the daughter of Krypton is that her power was not one of action but one of restraint, endurance, and passion. She did not choose to fire a beam from her eyes, or have breath of ice, or run faster than a speeding bullet. Or any of her other well-documented miracles. No, she held back her heat vision to look you in the face. She warmed her breath to converse with you. She slowed herself to walk by your side. Ever moment of every day, she suppressed the forces churning inside of her. All of the energy of a dead world that strained against her many barriers, eternally demanded to be released. I believe this effort hurt her. I believe she lived her life in pain. But I reiterate again, for I think it important enough to repeat--These beliefs are based on my time at her side, watching her as she moved through strife and sorrow. If you were to have asked her, I have little doubt she would have claimed that such as assertion was absurd. She would say she felt fine and well and then she’d as you if you needed any help.”

A long chunk of words, I know (this comic is DENSE!) but like. This is it. This is one of the defining attributes of the Supers--all that raw power at their disposal and they choose to help people, to be kind, to suppress that power for the benefit and safety of others.

HNNNNNNNG.

Hope, Help, and Compassion for All.

Whole lotta folks claimed at the outset of this book that King did not understand Kara, that he was a bad fit. And that may be so, I suppose--there’s a whole other discussion about like. The violence and swearing and ‘does that belong in a Supergirl book?’ But the characterization? Getting that Kara and Clark are just good people?

King gets it. He got it in Superman: Up in the Sky and he gets it here, in Woman of Tomorrow.

Other things King gets! Kara is stubborn! Kara is passionate! Kara is going to fix things, even if the effort of doing so hurts her, physically, emotionally, and mentally!

(Fuuuuuuun fact for the crowd saying that Woman of Tomorrow is vastly superior to the CW show: TV Kara is ALSO all of those things! King isn’t pulling this stuff out of thin air. It’s almost like...gosh. I don’t know! Both the show and Tom King are pulling from the character’s comic history, or something!!!! HOW NOVEL.)

Like, seriously. There’s a lot of overlap. Stop pitting Karas against each other!

Anyways!

I promised art, so here is art!

Oh, right, forgot to mention, Kara literally THROWS HERSELF INTO THE SUN to express her grief and anger, so as to not cause that unnecessary destruction. She gives new meaning to the phrase: Set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

More art yelling: GOTTDAMN, the way Evely draws Kara just colliding with the surface of the sun and then the way Kara’s hair like...becomes the flames...

I am FEELING FEELINGS. HOW DARE.

Also, props to King and Cowles; King for deciding to have that initial scream, Cowles for the way the letters burst forth from the point of impact on the sun, and then back to King who decided that it would just be...devastating silent screaming from Kara, for the remainder of the scene.

Back to the characterization, I just wanted to highlight something I mentioned...earlier on, I think? In these posts? But haven’t brought up recently, and that is how this book has not once brought up Zor-El, and I think Superman only got a quick mention in issue 2.

Honestly, I think that’s gotta be some kind of record.

It’s so refreshing. Not because I think there should never be mentions of Clark, or anything--I love that boy--but because so much of modern Supergirl comic drama is mined from the same like, angsting over her place compared to Clark, or her crazy sometimes-a-supervillain dad.

There is no Clark and Kara drama here, no manufactured friction, because it’s just. A cool Supergirl story!

Gonna keep going, but let’s do it with some more...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTT!!!!

Once again, Mat Lopes is all over the dang place with his palettes, it’s marvelous.

Each new planet gives Evely the opportunity to go hog wild on the worldbuilding and design, and similarly! Each new locale is an opportunity for Lopes to set the tone with colors. Like, here, towards the beginning of the book, we’ve got a planet bathed in this warm, pale yellow/orange light.

(Quick note: “Sure, yeah, I get it. We all have our duties. And it’s mine as a neighbor to do what I can to help you with yours. Please.” A+ Kara content. We love to see it. And then locating the remains of the alien’s daughter, so that they can go visit the grave site and have some emotional closure???? It’s just. So. Touching.)

Anyways, back to colors.

Like!!!! LOOK AT THAT JUMP. From the soft, almost pastoral feel of the delicate oranges and yellows to HARD GREEN, PINK, AND PURPLE. (Difficult colors to pull off in print, I might add.)

(This is also an interesting scene, character-wise, because I think it helps re-contextualize some earlier stuff with Kara. Like, I’m mostly thinking that incident on the bus, where she was swearing at the passengers as the space dragon was about to destroy them. Here, we see Kara kind of...goad this alien woman into releasing her pent up emotions by yelling at her/getting her to fight, and you can clearly see at the end of it that Kara did not mean the things she said, because check this out:

She goes and gives her a hug once the woman is able to finally cry.

It’s not ‘Kara is being mean, Kara is swearing at her’, it’s, ‘Kara has an unorthodox solution to a problem, and she’s gonna FIX that problem, NO MATTER WHAT.’

Circling back to the bus thing--again, that could be an instance of ‘unorthodox approach to a weird situation that Kara is going to handle because lives are at stake.’)

But also, DIG THAT KIRBY KRACKLE, BAY-BEEEEE!

And a little Strange Adventures easter egg! The Pykkts!

(I think those guys are unique to the Black Label series, rather than deep Adam Strange lore, but don’t quote me on that.)

Moving on to YET ANOTHER PALETTE, one I’ve dubbed, ‘Treasure Planet Purple/Grey’

Love Ruthye’s snoozing against the door, waiting for Kara.

Also, just as striking as the colors of the environment, are the colors used on Kara.

If you compare this page with the previous one, Kara’s eyes are a paler shade of blue, and the red-rimmed look on her eyes here is not as intense as the red-rimmed look we saw back in issue one, when she was confronting Krem.

All of which to say! There’s a pale, haunted quality to both the linework and the colors. Like. We know Kara has Seen Some Things. But she’s shoving all that stuff down to protect Ruthye, to save Krypto, and to stop these monsters, and you get all of that WITH COLORS AND LINES ON A PAGE.

I love it, I love it so much.

OTHER BOOKS WISH THEY HAD THIS LEVEL OF CHARACTER ACTING, I TELL YA! THEY WISH THEY HAD THIS BEAUTIFUL ALCHEMY OF INKER, COLORIST, AND WRITER WORKING IN SUCH TIGHT TANDEM!

Ahem. XD

Alright, last bit of art, lest I just. Post the whole issue in here. (Which I’m honestly always tempted to do but Strong Feelings about Piracy hold me back.)

JUST HECKIN’ LOOK AT THAT BLUE, MAN. JUST LOOK AT IT. S’BEAUTIFUL.

And more stunning character acting from Evely. Like. Bottom middle panel. The expression, the tilt of her head and the shadows on her eyes...

*insert silent flailing here*

Oh, also, KRYPTO LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVESSSS (for now).

I’m never right about these things, so I’m glad the one time I’ve correctly read a thing is when it involves Krypto not, ya know. Being dead. XD

Also absolutely love that Kara’s instinct is to send Ruthye home to protect her--once more leaning into that whole, ‘I’m going to protect you, even at great cost to myself’, though of course we know that she can’t send her home, not here, not now, just halfway through our journey.

ERRRRRRGH, so mad we’re not getting twelve issues of this! CURSE YOU, POOR SUPERGIRL TRADE SALES! CURSE YOOOOOOU!

That said, King’s pacing? Has been phenomenal. I feel like Strange Adventures and even Mr. Miracle kinda...I’m not gonna say dragged, that’s not quite right. But it is more build up, I guess. Takes a while to get to the payoff.

Here, I think King is pushing things steadily along as he doesn’t have the benefit of an additional four issues, so he has to get to the point, so to speak. Keeps everything moving.

SOME FINAL, MISC. STUFF:

I’ve sort of glossed over the darker stuff from this issue, and I just wanna note that like. This is a book that features a bad guy getting stoned (in the death sentence way, not the drug way) on panel. Like. I can’t recommend this to children.

I can’t even really recommend it to some other Supergirl fans, because I know that the King elements will be too off-putting.

It never feels like the book is going too far, though. At least in like an...exploitative way? If that makes sense?

The violence is handled with discretion, I guess is what I’m trying to convey. This could very easily tip over into like, gross shock factor territory, if not handled well, but I think the creative team pulls it off.

...Still wouldn’t hand this book to kids, though. XD

As mentioned, we’re halfway through this series! Can’t wait to see where it goes--every time I think I have this book figured out, it surprises me. So, like. Bring on the Dinosaur planet! With no sunlight! I wanna see how Lopes handles THAT. XD

(But Oh, OooooOOooh, we gotta wait until NOVEMBER.)

(Hhhnnnnng!)

(Then again, maybe that’s good; we’ve got the TV show in the meantime, and then once it ends we can pick right up with new Supergirl content just a few weeks later.)

(...Aw. Made myself a little sad, thinking about the TV show coming to an end.)

So as not to end on that sad note, here once again is tiny, smushed Kara:

Give ‘em the ol razzle dazzle.

#stranger speaks #supergirl: woman of tomorrow #supergirl: woman of tomorrow spoilers #dc comics #comics talk #comics opinions #comics thoughts #long post #are those the right tags? I can never remember #gif

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kiss-my-freckle · 3 years ago

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Damon Salvatore: The Departed

"You're not that girl anymore. It's okay if you want to let her go."

I love this episode because of the way it's written. It solidifies the end of 3x11. The girl who had a normal life will die. If she's gonna fall in love with vampires, she's gonna be a vampire. Flashbacks thrown in for the sake of it. At the open, the happy cheerleader that didn't lose both her parents. Now, it makes her miserable. "I'd quit cheerleading if I were you." Same with the Miss Mystic Falls dance. "This isn't me, I'm not this person anymore.” I’d tell you why I love that dance, but I’ll save it for another day. Say goodbye to the girl who said, "People look up to me. I have to set an example." Vampirism will make it difficult for her to live up to expectations. Mistakes will be made.

Elena: I have to let one of them go. Matt: Which one?

Stefan walks through the door. There's your answer. He’s the only one willing to respect every single choice Elena makes. Matt doesn't agree with him. Probably because her choices always go sideways. He steps in to say something about the last choice she made. "Why should she trust you? All you've done is screw her over." Because Stefan always respects her choices, they're just as much his choices, so yes... he needed to watch Klaus drain Elena of all her blood just to watch Elijah turn around and save Klaus. Damon is the only one who’s willing to make the tough decisions, which makes everyone hate him. "Not! Hello! Did that concussion give you brain damage? His lunatic siblings will kill you the first chance they get!" Elijah hands Elena another promise to be broken, just as Matt suspected and Damon warned. "Rebekah and Kol will honor the terms if you return Klaus' body to us. Elena will come to no harm." Rebekah won't be honoring anything. Best to listen to Damon, that’s all I’m saying.

Damon: No! No, no, no, no. Did I mention, no! Stefan: Elena, it's up to you. Damon: Oh, come on!

Because Stefan always respects her choices, they're just as much his choices, so yes...he needs to be the one to watch Elena turn into a vampire.

Damon: I'm not halfway out of Virginia, and Elena sells our soul to the originals? Bonnie: It's her call. Damon: You know what else is her call? Everything bad ever.

Elena’s kindness is definitely her weakness. Stefan knows every call she makes is a bad call, but he still respects her choices. Damon’s gonna slam her for those choices after she turns, and I love the fact that he does. You can’t challenge or change someone if all you do is kiss their ass for respect. I wonder how many times her life needs to be put on the line for the sake of it. And Stefan’s gonna do it again when he decides it best she go without feeding.

Damon: You just had to let her make the choice, didn't you? Stefan: What would you have done, Damon? Damon: Grabbed her, gagged her, threw her in a well. I don't know, anything other than let her trust Elijah! Stefan: You know she'd just hate you for it, right? Damon: Yeah, but she'd be alive and she'd hate me. Thus, the eternal difference between you and me, brother.

Damon already spoke of this before. "Don't get me wrong, Stefan. I don't mind being a bad guy. I'll make all the life and death decisions, while you're busy worrying about collateral damage. I'll even let her hate me for it. But at the end of the day, I'll be the one to keep her alive." Elena’s respect doesn’t mean a damn if she’s dead. Stefan will respect her choice, no matter how wrong that choice is, except (of course) choices regarding her relationship with Damon.

Elena didn't want Stefan to kiss her. That's why she doesn't hold him. Her arms quite literally remain at her side. It’s dead ass. Note all dialogues centered on time. Right now - later - always. I’m not just talking about this episode, I’m talking about previous episodes. There are a few parallels in them.

"What, so we can have an epic goodbye, Stefan?" Reserved for the series finale. "I was feeling epic." Stefan doesn't get to choose for Damon, so no... Stefan won’t be saying goodbye to Elena on Damon’s behalf. Stefan can only choose for himself, and he chose to save Matt instead of Elena. I knew Delena would end up together after 3x2. But this episode... imo, it solidified Delena as endgame. Any time I see a romance like this, arcs aside, it matters who turned her. Damon’s blood was in her system, he’s the man she’ll end up with. Under different circumstances, I’d feel differently, but not this circumstance.

Matt pulls a Damon, drugs Elena for the sake of getting her out of town. "Well, I promise I will do everything in my power to make sure that we ALL come back." Important to note the promise Stefan made."If Klaus is the one that turned their bloodline, then they're ALL going to die." Because ALL includes Damon, and Matt knows she's in love with him.

Is it a coincidence that Matt is driving Elena out of town when Damon is out of town? I’m not so sure. Damon had no reason to ask Elena where she is. She’s supposed to be in Mystic Falls, at home so that Stefan can say goodbye to her on Damon’s behalf. “I can KEEP driving to him...” I questioned where Matt was heading with Elena, and my thoughts went directly to the lake house, where she and Damon end up in season four. “I can't have people knowing I'm in town yet." I feel that part of the flashback is important for Damon. “Damon, hey... hey, listen to me. We'll survive this. We always survive. Trust me.” Either lay there and die or fight to see her again.

Stefan already knows that Elena has Damon’s blood in her system, so he knows she’s in transition. He’s devastated. His choice to support her choice, so it’s his pain to feel. Understand the difference in Elena’s feelings as they change in the storyline surrounding them. Stefan is worse at being a vampire than she is, and he’s been a vampire for 145 years. Take that as you will.

Damon became her always. “I can’t think about always.” That’s why she has to say goodbye to him. She believes everyone is dying, so there's no “later” for anyone. Understand the timing of Damon’s question because she’s lying to him. If she were gonna choose Stefan, that kiss he planted on her earlier would’ve looked a lot different. That whole, “Forget it. We can talk later" is their breakup. She was planning to let him go, but she chose to wait until they took care of Vamp-Alaric. Now that she believes Stefan is dying, you can take this back to 3x16, and add in the flashback of her parents drowning.

Elena: But... it's like I knew that he would never stop loving me, like he would never... Matt: What? Elena: Die. Like he would never die. Matt: Like your parents did.

Throwing in my opinion, one that I feel I should add. These scenes of Elena drowning and Damon fighting Vamp-Alaric... that’s Delena saving eachother. Had Elena chosen herself over Matt, Damon would be dead. She died saving Damon from Vamp-Alaric, and Damon’s blood had to be in Elena’s system for him to save her. I can’t tell you how much I cried when Alaric stopped in to speak to Jeremy. I was so scared he was still a vampire, and then I was like... omg, it’s Alaric. Let me bawl my eyes out now. Then I was like, omg.... make me cry harder as he realizes his sister is dead because she’s his only surviving family.

I have to wonder what choice Stefan would’ve made had he known Damon’s blood was in Elena’s system. He knows she wanted to save Matt, but he also knows she never wanted to be a vampire.

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holyhellpod · 4 years ago

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Heyoooo, it’s another episode of Holy Hell! This one is dedicated to the manchild himself, Dean Winchester.

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Transcript below!

CW: discussions of child abuse, child death, suicide, alcoholism, family trauma, mental health

[Music]

Dean Winchester is, in a word, my soulmate. I started kinning him when the show aired in Australia on Fox8 and I have not been the same since. From his devil-may-care attitude to his undying love for his family that pierces the veil of death to save the day, he really is the most. I have to say at the beginning that this episode of Holy Hell will not include discussions of Dean’s sexuality and gender. I’m saving that for its own episode, so stay tuned my pals.

What we know of Dean as he develops over the course of the first episode is: he’s been hunting, and hunting alone, he’s 26 years old, he drives a sweet ‘67 Impala, he wears an old leather jacket, he listens to 1980s metal, and he has an arsenal of weapons and supernatural fighting talismans in his trunk. He’s also a smartarse, one of his most endearing qualities. He gets defensive about their mother and her death, and he defends their father over and over. He’s a loyal son and brother. The impetus to bring Sam back into the hunting life, after Sam decided for good that he was going to leave, is to bring his fambily back together.

The quality that defines Dean Winchester is how much he loves he loves his fambily. In the first episode, he is so worried about his father that he recruits Sam to help look for him, even though Sam and Dean haven’t spoken in two years, and Sam ran away to college rather than continue to live with their father. He spends most of the first season defending their father, but when John comes back and starts arguing with Sam, Dean protects his brother from John. It’s one of the most significant examples of character growth Dean undergoes throughout the entire series, and it’s where his loyalty shifts from John to Sam.

In the episode of season 2, “Croatoan,” Dean decides not to shoot Sam when Sam contracts the Croatoan virus which turns people rabid and makes them kill. In the next episode, “Hunted”, Dean reveals that John told him to kill Sam if Dean couldn’t save him. But Dean doesn’t. He says that John begged Dean not to tell Sam, but it’s not John’s words that keep Dean silent. It’s his love for Sam and Sam’s wellbeing. And this brotherly love slash codependency is used by characters throughout the entire series, from the demons in season 1 to the literal character of God in season 15, to manipulate Dean and Sam. As many characters have pointed out, including Dean and Sam themselves, they are each other’s weak points.

At the end of season two, when Sam dies from a stab wound in his spine, Dean trades his own life for Sam’s. He makes a deal with a crossroads demon—his soul for Sam’s life—and subsequently dies and goes to hell at the end of season 3. Dean literally dies a gruesome death and spends forty years being tortured in hell because he couldn’t live without Sam. At the end of Season 8, Sam is dying from the effects of the trials, which he undergoes in order to close the gates of hell, and Dean convinces him to stop because, again, he can’t live without Sam. Sidenote: this is where I stopped being interested in their brotherly dynamic to the point of losing interest in the show. It became clear to me that the showrunners were more concerned with rehashing the same tired storylines between Sam and Dean than focus on characters who could expand the world and make the show better. In fact, they killed a lot of the interesting side characters in order to keep the show solely focused on the brothers. The exception to this is Castiel, and the reason they kept Cas around is because when he died in season 7 the ratings tanked. If that wasn’t a clear enough sign that the showrunners needed to open up the show to more than just Sam and Dean’s caustic dynamic in which they die and kill for and then betray and lie to each other over and over, then I just don’t know what the fans could have done to convince them. Nothing, apparently, because they ended the show with just Sam and Dean.

Dean’s relationship with John is fraught with insecurity and codependency. Dean has so little sense of self that what he does consider to be his carefully curated list of likes and dislikes were inherited directly from John: his car, his leather jacket, his hunting abilities, and his music taste. He also throws himself into hunts without any regard for his own safety, because he doesn’t believe that he is worth saving, or that his life is worth living. His personality is crafted from both John’s reliance on him as a son, hunter and partner in crime, and the woman he assumes Mary to be. Dean’s sense of self-worth relies on how many people he can save. This is why, in season 2 episode “What is and what should never be,” Dean’s dream reality is one in which he’s a low life loser who disappoints his family—because without John pushing him to be a hunter, Dean doesn’t save people, and because he doesn’t save people, he isn’t worth anything. Bear in mind that this is the best reality Dean’s mind could conjure for him: one in which his father is dead, and he himself is not worth saving.

In one of the most famous exchanges, he asks Cas why an angel would rescue him from hell, and Cas replies, “What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Twenty-nine years of bluster, insouciance, and a give-em-hell attitude crumbles in two sentences, wrought by a being Dean refuses to believe exists because, again, he doesn’t think that he deserves to be saved by them. He says, “[Why me? I don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties, let alone by God].” He thinks of himself so lowly that he accepted a one-year deal in exchange for Sam being alive. Dean cares so much about his family he lets it kill him.

But it’s not just Sam, Mary and John. Dean’s family grows to encompass a number of side characters: most notably Bobby their surrogate father, Charlie Bradbury the hacker, Claire Novak, Jack Kline, and Lisa and Ben Braeden. Even Mary makes another appearance in seasons 12 to 14. Unfortunately, because the show is the way it is, Dean puts Sam above all of these side characters, and then these characters are written out of the show. I should specify that Cas is not a side character; in most seasons, Misha Collins is billed as a main cast member, with his name appearing after Jensen Ackles in the credits. But he still dies in the third-last episode in order to have the show stay about the brothers. Even Jack, inarguably Cas and Dean’s son, is written out of the show in the second-last episode after dying multiple times. I say inarguably because I am not gonna argue with anyone about this. Claire and Jack are Dean and Cas’s kids. Dean and Cas are great parents who chaperone Jack’s prom and buy Claire her first hunting bow. They’re all one big happy, queer, neurodivergent family.

Dean loves the people in his life with reckless abandon. The times he’s excused Cas’s behaviour after Cas has done something ridiculous or foolish are too many to count. He grieves Cas’s multiple deaths, often succumbing to his alcoholism and entropy whenever Cas leaves him for more than a day. In a truly beautiful scene, Dean wraps Cas’s corpse in a curtain and watches, utterly and completely devastated, as his body burns. By this point, they have done so much for each other that it’s impossible to even envision the show without Cas, and indeed imagine Dean without his love for Cas. And we don’t have to for very long, as he always comes back a few episodes later. Even knowing this, the episodes where Dean mourns Cas are so heartbreaking and haunting that I cried for days after watching them.

Dean is great with kids, and every time he’s not is completely the fault of whoever is writing him in any given episode. We see him bonding with Lisa’s son Ben in season 3 and 6, Jesse in the season 5 episode “I Believe The Children Are Our Future,” and Lucas in the season one episode “Dead in the water”. With every child he meets, Dean gets on their level, empathising with them in a way most adults can’t. Like Claire and Jack, Dean has a complicated relationship with his father, who dies in the beginning of season 2 after bargaining his soul for Dean’s life to the demon that took their mother. Just like anyone else’s life, right? Must be Tuesday. This means Dean can relate to most children with traumatic backgrounds involving their parents, as a victim of parental abuse and having his mother die at age 4. I can’t find any sources to back this up, but a theory that rolled around in fandom was that Dean became mute after Mary died, which is what happens to Lucas after his father drowns. He says in “Dead In the Water” that he loves kids, and it’s true. As one tumblr user put it, Dean wanted to be baby trapped.

Dean carries the deaths and pain of his loved ones with him like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. When Claire is bitten by a werewolf, the characters administer blood of the sire wolf that bit her in order to cure her of her lycanthropy. Dean has to leave the room while she’s in pain, because he can’t bear to watch her die. The same goes for when Jack dies. Thankfully, Claire lives and Jack comes back a few episodes later.

When thinking about Dean being a father, I’m reminded of that scene from Scrubs when Dr Cox says he’s worried about being a father because his own dad was an abusive alcoholic. The difference between Dr Cox and Dean is that Dean doesn’t have his reservations about raising kids. He fits into Lisa and Ben’s life easily, at least for the first year, and we see a montage which includes him teaching Ben how to fix cars. When Claire lets her guard down enough to hug Dean, he hugs back just as hard. When he finally deals with the trauma of Cas dying in season 13, he accepts Jack into his life, and even grieves Jack when he dies. Dean escapes the intergenerational trauma that plagues his family by being a fantastic dad to the random kids who happen into his life by chance. He was born to be a father, and the fact that this show took that away from him and us as the audience makes me want to kick the showrunners into the sun.

Until season 6, Dean’s family only included men. The concept of the nuclear family—two sons, a husband and a wife—was ripped apart in the prologue of the first episode when Mary dies. Dean doesn’t know family for the first 5 seasons of the show outside Sam, John, Cas and Bobby. I do consider Ellen and Jo to be important to the story, but they’re only in a handful of episodes and die in season 5 for a reason that is plainly ridiculous. Did the Winchesters have to lose every single person in their lives to the fight? Clearly Kripke thought they were going to be cancelled after the fifth season, because it shows. And honestly? Maybe they should have. Let’s retroactively cancel the whole show. It can’t hold power over us anymore, because it’s dead and we cremated it.

But when Dean moves in with Lisa and Ben, he discovers a new type of family he didn’t have before, and new family dynamics. Instead of the 28-year-old son that Sam is to him, he takes the opportunity to teach Ben about cars and spend time with him and Lisa without the need to hunt. He gets a job, he makes some friends, and he lives the safe, apple pie life he begrudged Sam for in the pilot episode. It’s only when Sam reappears in his life that Dean’s codependency strikes again and he realises that he can’t live half in the normal world with Lisa and Ben and half in the hunting world with Sam. Sam says this himself in the first episode of Season 6, “Exile On Main Street”. Despite the ways Dean tried to settle down throughout the rest of the 9 seasons, the showrunners ultimately decided a man who was healing from trauma and alcoholism, who had adopted two kids as his own, and was learning how to bake cakes for his son’s birthday, deserved to die at the ripe age of 40, a week or so after he’d learned that his best friend was in love with him. You gotta laugh. Instead of getting the ending both Dean and we deserved—which was Dean settling down, opening a bar, and living the next forty years in relative gay peace while he got fat and watched Cheers reruns—well, we got something else. And I will always be bitter about that.

While it’s clear from the first season that he has reckless and suicidal tendencies, he doesn’t stop fighting to the bitter end. Even when faced with his own impending death in the season 2 premiere, “In my time of dying,” he fights to stay alive for Sam and John, while working the mystery that is overcoming his own death. Devastated as he is by Sam diving into hell at the end of season 5 and seemingly gone for good, Dean still gets up everyday and makes a life for himself in Lisa’s home. While season 6 was overall a bummer of a season, just god-awful in every aspect, saved from my complete vitriol only by “The French Mistake,” it did show us how great a dad Dean can be, and readied us for what was to come—being Claire and Jack’s dad. The lengths he goes to for his family are immense and all-consuming. As Cas says in “Despair”, Dean is a being of love. He loves everyone else, even when he can’t find it in him to love himself. He really thinks that he’s just a killer, not a father or a husband.

I’ve never subscribed to the idea that we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else, or before anyone else can love us. Sorry Rupaul, you old bitch. We are all deserving of love, because love sustains us and helps us grow. And when we don’t know how to, it’s through loving others that we can learn to love ourselves. If Dean knew what a great father and friend and husband and brother he is, if he could see himself the way others, in the show and out of it, see him, I think he’d burst. You don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties? Well tough shit, Dean Winchester, because I’m gonna devote an entire podcast to you.

I talked about Dean’s carefully curated list of likes and dislikes before but I’ll go into more detail now. Things he likes: guns; rock and roll; nice cars; women; fighting; scamming people at pool; back alley blowjobs, probably; pie; driving across the country; Ozzy concerts; cowboy movies; being in control of every little thing in his life. His dislikes are: flying on planes; hair metal; angels and demons; anyone who harms his brother, his best friend or his kids; boredom; and being jerked around.

Okay I literally cannot talk about the cowboy movies without mentioning that he makes Cas watch them with him, in his Deancave, and the implications of that make my head roll off my body and into the dirt. Like they literally have gay little movie nights and watch their gay little cowboy movies together and Dean says all the gay little lines. I said I wasn’t going to talk about his sexuality, but mentioning cowboy movies leads to Cas wearing a cowboy hat and saying “I’m your Huckleberry.” This makes me insane. Excuse me, I must have my daily scream.

Okay, I’ve collected myself. Have I? Let’s just move on. In the Winchester tradition of inherited family trauma, Dean gets all of John’s interests, and Sam gets all of John’s mistakes. Dean’s personality throughout the show is basically quippy remarks, pop culture references, laughing with food in his mouth, and grouchiness. In case you haven’t realised, he is amazing to me. Every time he fires a rifle or pistol? Couldn’t be better. Eating a burger made of out donuts? Fucking incredible. Even when faced with beings with untold power, he doesn’t lose his cool. One of my favourite exchanges is when Zachariah comes to Chuck’s house in the first episode of season 5, “Sympathy For The Devil,” and starts soliloquising at him, Dean tells him to “cram it with walnuts, ugly.” Cram it with walnuts, ugly. It’s been ten years and that still makes me laugh. Top ten Dean lines for sure. Like all of my main characters throughout the years of writing original fiction are just “Dean Winchester but girl,” and I’m a good writer, but I can never come close to the level of hilarity that he achieves. And every single writer on the show seems to get that. The only times I can think of where Dean’s characterisation has irked me on a writing level are in season 6—basically the entire thing—and the way he treats Jack in the later seasons, specifically late season 15. But it’s really rare for me to watch an episode and not enjoy Dean. Even throughout the Mark Of Cain era, which I loved, when things were very serious, he had such style and panache and held himself so confidently that I was like, wait maybe he made some points? Maybe he should kill everyone?

Dean is a hunter and a killer, but that’s not all he is. He’s very skilled in hand to hand combat, weaponry, and tactical manoeuvres. Even when something doesn’t go exactly to plan, he’s usually able to improvise something to end up with a win. Because he is the main character, his choices and reactions, while sometimes extremely problematic, are never questioned, and that’s to his detriment. In the last episode of season 14, “Moriah,” Dean is unable to kill Jack, but in early season 15, he treats Jack’s betrayal as Cas’s fault, because he can’t take it out on Jack. Cas leaves, but it’s framed as a good thing because Cas is Jack’s father, and has to take responsibility for what Jack has done. In this instance, I don’t blame Cas at all. Okay I rarely blame Cas for anything, including the things he’s done wrong, because no he didn’t and you can’t prove it. But he especially didn’t do anything wrong when Jack killed Mary, and he didn’t do anything wrong by killing Belphagor. But by the middle of the season, in the episode “The Trap,” Dean admits his wrongdoing in taking his anger out on Cas, one of the only people who loves him without conditions. You’d think this would be a defining moment of character progression, but then Dean chooses to act exactly the same way by throwing Jack under the bus. Like, throwing him harder, under a bigger bus. So what was the point.

Anyway, those are choices the writers made, and not Dean.

Going back to what I was saying about being neurodivergent, Dean has adhd. I know this because I have adhd, and I’m Dean-coded. He’s wildly creative, impulsive, has a touch of OCD, and he has a hard time making long-lasting friends, although this is mostly due to how all his friends die. His best friend is an autistic angel and the only reason they’re still friends is because they’re obsessed with each other, in like a really unhealthy way. One of the funny things about his and Cas’s relationship is that every time you see them in the same shot, Cas is standing perfectly still and Dean is constantly moving. They are almost complete opposites, aside from their queerness and neurodivergence. But then, I haven’t met a single queer person in my entire life who isn’t neurodivergent or disabled in some way. That doesn’t mean we can’t live perfectly functional and normal lives, it just means we’re better than everyone else.

Dean also exhibits black and white thinking—to him all felons are redeemable and all monsters should be killed. Felons are redeemable because he himself is a felon, and monsters should be killed because they all do monstrous things. When faced with the possibility of angels being real, he refuses to believe it for the first two episodes, because, as he says, “he’s never seen one.” Eventually he learns how to see in shades of grey and not kill every monster he meets, but this is because of his time in purgatory with Benny, his Cajun vampire boyfriend.

Another sign of Dean’s ADHD is physical sensitivity. In the season one episode “Bugs,” he comments on the shower’s water pressure. Like it’s a big deal to him, when he’s only ever used 1-star motel room showers. In the later seasons, he’s also seen to wear a fluffy robe and soft pajamas with hotdogs on them and socks that say “Send Noods” but noods spelt like noodles. And so he should! Dean deserves comfort! He’s a special boy.

ADHDers often have problems with executive function—remembering appointments, cleaning up after ourselves, showering, eating, even going to the toilet when we need to pee. The hunting life excludes Dean from the normal functions of usual life, such as dentist appointments, dropping the kids off at school, meal prepping for the week, or turning up to a job on time. These were only factors in Dean’s life during the gap between seasons 5 and 6 when he lived with Lisa and Ben, and it’s not shown how his executive dysfunction impacted his suburban, settled life, but Lisa does mention that Dean drinks a lot. It’s another thing he inherited from John, much as I did my alcoholism from my father, and my adhd too. But Sam doesn’t drink to excess more than a handful of times over the entire 15 seasons, whereas Dean subsists on alcohol to get through the day. At one point in season 11, I’m pretty sure, don’t fact check me, he is shown to be drinking a beer at about 10 in the morning, because, as he says to Sam, “You drank all the coffee. What do you want me to do? Drink water?” Dean your liver must be quaking.

Excess is a common problem for people with ADHD. We have problems with limiting ourselves—because our dopamine machine broke, anything that gives us a little bit of high—such as sugar, sex, alcohol, stimulants, any kind of food that is bad for us but tastes real good—we usually have it in excess because we can’t help ourselves. In the season 4 episode “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” Dean eats the entirety of the candy in the Impala. The only reasons I don’t eat everything in my fridge every day is because, one, I don’t have the money, and two, it’s all ingredients I have to prepare and not ready-made food. Whereas Dean has only known fast food for the first 10 or so seasons until he starts cooking and baking and settling into domesticity. Like anyone who gets UberEats every day instead of cooking for themselves knows how expensive that is. He also engages in meaningless sex, although people have pointed that Sam actually gets more on screen action than Dean. But I know a lot of amab people who engage in casual sex with randos because it satisfies a base need. Dean could be classified as hypersexual in some regards, but I know what hypersexuality feels like and it’s like this overwhelming miasma where you can’t think about anything except how horny you are, and I don’t think Dean has that normally. Maybe when he was a demon in season 10, but generally I think he can control himself.

His settled life in the men of letters Bunker is a far cry from his flashbacks in season 8 to Purgatory. From what we know of purgatory, the land of gods and monsters, it was a year-long monster hunt, but without any of the boring paperwork. Dean got to fight and kill as many vampires, ghouls, leviathan, etc as came his way, which is why it’s absolutely ridiculous that he died by rebar in a vampire fight. He spent an entire year spilling blood and chopping off heads, day and night, and he dies by metal bar to the spine? And he’s not even coughing up blood? Andrew Dabb, I’m coming for you. Of course purgatory is the perfect place for Dean because it’s constant adrenaline, constant excitement, constant stimulation, which is what every day life lacks. Even Dean’s every day life is like, 20% monster killing and the rest is leg work. They go weeks or months between cases, and sometimes don’t find the monster at all. So I’m not surprised he gets bored easily and drinks. Would if I could too, my pal.

Which leads me onto Dwelling. Dean dwells on the horrors of his life in a way I do and my carefree older brothers don’t. In the season 4 episode “Heaven and Hell,” he reveals to Sam that he remembers his entire forty years in hell, and there are flashes of his memory littered throughout the season in creepy, split-second increments. He dwells on the people who die, doing his thousand-yard stare into the funeral pyre of everyone they cremate. In the most egregious display of dwelling, he rewrites history TWICE to deal with his grief — in season 8 he makes himself believe that it was his fault Cas didn’t come back from purgatory with him, and again in season 13 he invents the story of Jack controlling Cas to deal with his grief over Cas’s death. His PTSD twists the truth until it becomes another way to torture himself, because if someone gets hurt it’s on him; everyone who loves him is just one more person to disappoint.

On a lighter note, Hyperfixations, equivalent to Autism special interests, are a common trait of ADHD. Some of Dean’s hyperfixations include: hunting in general; cowboys and cowboy movies; the musical Rent; the movie Braveheart; larping. He loves dressing up and acting, and what is putting on a monkey suit and lying about being a Fed if not larping? Oh god the meta of that coupled with the season 4 episode “The Monster At The End Of This Book” is making my head hurt. And actually, the next episode of Holy Hell is on the subject of meta-textuality so stick around if that’s something you enjoy.

One of the amazing things about ADHD is creativity. Since we’re easily bored and easily amused, we’re constantly pushing the boundaries of our curiosity. In season three episode “Bloodlust,” Dean decapitates a vampire with a miter saw, something that even veteran vampire hunter Gordon Walker comments is a thing of beauty. Dean creates a Ma’lak box in season 14 episode “Damaged Goods” as a way to contain Michael if he ever inhabits Dean’s body again. Dean is always making up words like “were-pire” and “Jefferson Starships,” and he has an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of pop culture, which he references in almost every line of dialogue. Like tv and movies raised me, but even I don’t understand a lot of his references. It’s almost like he’s a character in a tv show being written by dozens of people. But that’s not right. He’s a real person and my friend. My friend Dean Winchester, who shouts me burgers and passes out on my couch.

Also, I’m bragging now but as of the day of writing this I got my ADHD diagnosis and it feels so good to have a doctor, a psychiatrist in fact, confirm my belief. After about three or four years of figuring out I have adhd and then trying to make everyone else believe me when I say I do, it feels like a huge weight off. Dean deserved to feel that. He deserves to put a name to his differences and be in charge of his life instead of letting his anger, confusion and impulses control him. If anyone is worried that you might have something and don’t know whether to pursue a diagnosis, my two cents are that it has only improved my life. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder in 2014 and it allowed me to go on medication, which snapped me out of the worst period of anxiety I have ever gone through and also a psychotic episode that featured talking walls and a swarm of Christmas beetles. Trust me, we all need help sometimes, and some people like me need more help than others, but you can take control of the forces in your life that hold you back. As my mother used to say to me when I was a child, the world is your oyster. It really fucking does get better, and since I started on the right anti-depressants for me my life has improved so goddamn much. The world is fucked right now, and it’s impossible to even function on most levels. We all need therapy. I myself have a gp, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist and they keep me relatively sane. I would not be alive if I didn’t have years and years of ongoing therapy and good drugs. Plus I journal everyday and practice gratitude. I’m still crazy but the craziness is contained and doesn’t hurt me anymore.

Despite never going to therapy, Dean grows from being a loner with one friend (his own brother) to someone with a wealth of connections and family. He picks up new people to love like he’s velcro, and when he goes in he goes all in. He would die for the people he loves. He’s constantly putting himself in danger to protect his loved ones. In the Season 6 episode “Let It Bleed,” Dean captures and tortures demons in an effort to find out where Crowley took Lisa and Ben. He then has Cas wipe their memories so that they don’t remember him and can live their lives without him, at his own great distress. In season 5, he goes to Stull Cemetery to impinge on the fight between Lucifer and Michael, just to be there for Sam. As Dean says, he’s “not going to let him die alone.”

That being said, I do have to talk about Dean’s very few, but ultimately life-ruining, flaws. His emotional dysregulation makes his moods unpredictable at best. By virtue of his black and white thinking, he forces the people he loves to choose sides between him and other characters, such as Sam and Ruby, Cas and Crowley, Mary and the british men of letters, and Cas and Jack, and when they don’t choose him, he passively aggressively, and sometimes just aggressively, tortures them until something else usurps their betrayal. His anger issues are par to none, and often get him in a lot of trouble. But since he is the main character, he never really faces consequences for this, and neither does he mature. Even in the final season episode “The Trap,” while Dean admits how angry he is and how wrong he was for taking it out on Cas when Jack died, mere episodes later in “Unity” he turns Jack into a nuclear reactor to take out God, and Jack dies again. His characterisation in the last few seasons, especially in regards to Jack, is all over the place. I would have to start a murderboard to explain how Dean feels about Jack and how he reacts to what Jack does in every episode. Like, pictures and red string and everything. And even then I would not be able to comprehend exactly what the writers did and what they thought they were doing.

But unlike me, Dean always believes the best in people until proven otherwise, and he does always come around to the people who atone for their sins. Even when Sam refuses to get his soul back in season 6, Dean keeps trying until Sam is put right. Between seasons 7 and 8, He spends a year in Purgatory looking for Cas despite how Cas sent Sam insane, ingested billions of monster souls, and became God. When the people he loves choose him, he chooses them back.

But even when they betray him, lie to him, deceive him, and hurt the other people in his life, he can’t stop loving them. He never stops loving Sam or Cas or Jack or Mary or John or Bobby. He loves with everything he has. He is, as Cas says, a being of love.

Oof. That was a lot of words and I feel like I only just scratched the surface. Like realistically I just talked about fambily and ADHD. There is just so much to Dean Winchester that maybe I’ll make another episode sometime. But I am definitely making an episode purely about Dean’s gender presentation and sexuality in the future. You can find the show at holyhellpod on Tumblr where I post transcripts for the episodes and Instagram where I post memes.

I don’t see myself doing an episode about Sam any time soon, Not because I don’t like Sam, but because I can’t stand Jared Padalecki. He’s done some things that I can’t support, and I’m really bad at separating the art from the artist. Especially when it’s something like Supernatural, which is not art. Supernatural is an experiment. It’s not Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry. Like Jared Padalecki didn’t invent rock and roll, you know what I’m saying? However, if you really want me to do an episode about Sam, you can pay me 101 Australian dollars and 50 Australian cents at patreon.com/holyhellpod. I’ll talk to you next time.

Links

http://www.scififantasynetwork.com/dean-winchester-has-adhd/

#supernatural #spn #supernatural podcast #dean winchester #holyhellpod #transcripts

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trillian-anders · 5 years ago

Text

chambers - xii

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: violence, angst, slow burn

word count: 3488

description: post-endgame. Steve Rogers has passed away from old age. The one remarkable thing is that no one knew his heart would be in the condition it was. He was able to save one more life. After receiving his heart, strange things start happening. Including something that would change your life forever. (Inspired by the Netflix series of the same name.)

There was silence.

For one beat,

Then another.

His hand was dropped, “What do you mean you know?” You stood from the couch, anger welling up in your chest.

“Listen, Y/N…”

“No.” You shake your head, taking a step back as he stands. “You knew he planned on giving me his heart?” Emotions were high, boiling over into hot tears on your cheeks.

Steve planned on giving you his heart. Why? Why you? How did he know he was going to give it to you? A year before he did. How could he have timed that? His heart failed at the same time yours did. A perfect fucking coincidence.

Bucky looked desperate, not knowing what to say, “He—he knew he was dying.” Bucky said, “At the end.” His voice was right and eyes were growing red, tears in the corners. “He said shit, like he knew the day he was going to die…” Bucky ran his fingers through his short hair, tugging at the ends. “Like how the fuck did he know when he was going to die Y/N?”

Both of you are crying now, a strange energy in the air as Bucky continues, “He told me he read about you in the newspaper. He said that if he could give you his heart he would. He had some deal with Strange.” Doctor Strange. Bucky shrugged. “I don’t know. I just know that he wanted you to have it.” You choked on a sob, stepping back trying to avoid Bucky’s grip on your arm. His warm hand closing around your forearm.

“I don’t deserve it.” You hiccup. “You know I didn’t deserve it.” You were nothing. You’d done nothing. You were nobody. Bucky’s grip tightened, pulling you into his chest and wrapping his other arm around you.

“But you do,” He mumbles into your hair, “You—“

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Asked into his chest. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” Bucky’s fingers traced your shoulder, up your neck to cup your cheek, bringing your face to look up at his.

“If I said it was to keep you safe, would you believe me?” Your lips parted to answer, eyes searching his own for the truth. The alarm blares, hands going to cover your sensitive ears as Sam’s voice comes over the speaker.

“Code Grey.”

His face falls. Bucky steps back from you, jaw clenching. “Stay here.” Your eyes widen, barely hearing him over the blaring alarm and Sam’s voice barreling off instructions over the speakers.

“What does ‘Code Grey’ mean?” You yell, following him down the hall to his room where he pulls the black trunk out of his closet. Inside is his tac gear, gun holster, cache of knives and the guns that fit perfectly in the holsters.

“Peter is going to stay with you.” Bucky said, the alarm muffled in the room but still loud. “There’s been an attack. That’s what Code Black means.” Pants quickly changed, undershirt tucked with shirt, vest, and jacket pulled over, his left arm out all the way to the shoulder. Holster clipped across his chest as he strapped himself with guns and knives.

Your heart was racing, anxiety rising. The emotional toll of this day would hit you later but for now, adrenaline was going. He looked at you after placing his last backup magazine on his belt. “Everything will be okay.” His hands grasped your arms, pressing a kiss to your cheek he sped past you to the stairs, “Stay with Peter!” Yelled behind him and he was gone.

About 330,000 people on average walk through Times Square every day. There was no telling how many had been in the area when the bomb went off.

Between the early evening sky and the smoke, fires still raging it was hard to tell. It was all hands on deck.

Triage was set up blocks outside of the disaster area, the local hospitals already at capacity. NYPD and NYFD has every officer, fighter fighter, and volunteer working to clear the scene. Put out the fires. Sam circled buildings, rescuing people trapped on top. Bucky was lifting debris and pulling out bodies, dead or alive he couldn’t tell. Not with all the soot. Wanda was trying to push back the smoke, smother the fires. Get a bit more visual on the area. Clint and Scott were helping the NYPD search for survivors.

And you and Peter were watching it all on TV. Agents helping get people to medical care. Helping get the bodies that needed to be identified out.

It was on every channel.

Every News station.

The devastation. Peter was crying, you were crying. Families were calling local precincts. Tourists on vacation, their loved ones calling from all over the world hoping to get any information. Are they alive or dead?

“I need to take a minute,” You pushed off of the couch, standing in the living room. Peter nodded from his spot still seated.

“I’ll be here.” His voice tense. He’d gotten off the phone with his Aunt just a minute before. Checking in. Making sure she’s okay.

Your fingers hovered over your lock screen. A text you’d just answered to your Mom, everything is fine. I’m upstate. I’m okay. You sunk down onto the floor of your bedroom. Sitting in the silence. The news muffled by the hall, the door in between. For a minute you can pretend like you didn’t just cause the death and destruction that you could feel in your bones was your fault. Zemo had to be behind this. You never answered him. You never gave him attention. You didn’t do anything.

You listened to Bucky and Sam. You listened to Bruce and Wanda.

They didn’t want you to do anything. They wanted to figure it all out themselves. They wanted-- they were professionals after all. They were Avengers.

He was here. Steve. You could feel him in the corners of your mind. The corners of this room. His presence seeping into your pores. His being sat mirrored to your own, on the opposite side of the room. Knees bent, arms resting over them. Staring.

Your phone rang.

“Did you get my message?” Your heart began to race. Steve’s face turned into a steady glare, jaw clenching. “You never called me back, I thought you just forgot about me.” His voice was steady, unwavering. It sent a chill down your spine.

“Why are you doing this?” Your hands were shaking. “What’s the plan here?” Steve seemed to appear in front of you, close. Almost touching.

“The Avengers ruined my life,” A simple, used explanation, “They took everything from me, even when I tore them apart they still found a way to fuse themselves back together. Just without a few key missing pieces.”

“So what?” Steve was giving you confidence. You could feel it. A ballsy tone coming to your voice as his hands lay over your knees. Comforting. “You wanna try again? Try to tear them apart?”

“No sweet girl,” His voice sinister. The steady accented drawl, the calmness of it, in the light of what he’d just done it made your stomach turn. Steve’s hand lay over yours. A hollow warmth. “I’m going to tear everything apart.”

Glass breaking. The darkness in the compound as the lights turned off. Steve was gone, like a match extinguished. Peter calls your name. A hand grips your arm, the leather of their glove burning your skin as you twist from their reach. Instinct. Steve helping unseen.

You back into another body, their hands grabbing your upper arms. The pull, you throw your back into their chest, head knocking into their nose as you gain leverage to kick your feet up and out, connecting with the assailant across from you. His body fell heavily against the ground. The assailant behind you loosened his grip, the heat of his blood dripping down the back of your head. You spin to connect a fist to his ribs, an uppercut and he was laid out as well. An arm wrapped around your neck, vicing you in a chokehold. Your windpipe crushed, fingers reaching behind you searching for eyes. A bite to your fingers and you push as hard as you can against the ground, causing your assailant to lean backwards, shifting off balance. Feet kicked up to gain momentum as you toss him over your shoulders.

Coughing, trying to take in air.

“Y/N!” Peter screams, the sound of a web shooting through the dark. His gentle hand gripped yours. “Let’s go.” Your throat burned, still coughing. Eyes watering. “Here.” A mask. Slipped over your head, you didn’t even notice the gas. Thick smoke of it throughout the building. The eyes shifted, EDITH coming online.

“What’s the plan?” There were bodies, unconscious, webbed to walls. You could see through the lenses. A similar mask on Peter’s face. Stark tech. It filtered the gas, keeping you from inhaling the abrasive air. He drug you against the wall, pressing your bodies out of sight for the thugs who began to walk through. Their faces now covered with gas masks and strange looking goggles.

“I would advise an escape through the loading bay.” EDITH’s voice came over the comms of the mask.

“Stay with me, it looks like we are gonna have to fight our way out of here.” A reassuring squeeze. You could do this. You could do this.

Bucky’s training, Steve seemed to be helping because it was life or death. Right?

“You can’t rely on that.” Bucky told you. “Use your training first.” You felt inexperienced. Your hands shaking as the thugs grew closer to your hiding spot.

“I’ll try to take a few out very quickly, but you might have to get your hands dirty here.” Peter rolled his shoulders back, hands coming out in front of him to prepare for the group about to come around the corner.

It happened quickly.

You could hardly appreciate Peter’s skill. The ease in which he went about the room. The strength he had, an appreciation for how much he had grown bloomed in the back of your mind, an echo of Steve’s thoughts. But you didn’t have a lot of time to think about it.

Bucky’s training took over. The way you twisted the gun out of their hand. An elbow to the throat. A roundhouse kick to their head. Sliding between someone’s legs, to get on them from behind, wrapping your thighs around their throat and spinning them to the ground. Knocking them out with the butt of their own gun.

The two of you worked your way down to the loading bay. “I never learned.” Peter said suddenly, “Shit, I’ve never learned how to fly one of these things.” Your breath in pants as the two of you loaded into the jet. You looked back at his panicked expression, the lenses to his suit raised and wide.

“I’ve got memory.” You breathed, settling down in the pilot seat. “Sorta.” You could vaguely pull the order in which you needed to flip these switches to take off. Peter sat heavily in the seat next to you.

“I don’t know if I should be scared or not.” Peter joked. Your fingers moved deftly. The ramp behind you closing, bullets ricocheting off the side. Switches flipped, lights going on and the jet moving out onto the runway.

“I need you to have faith in me, because I’m so fucking nervous right now.” The mask pulled off of your face, eyes adjusting to the monitor in front of you. The dim glow of lights along the runway.

“Oh my god.” Peter’s hands rushed to buckle himself in, “Please don’t kill us.” You let out a shaky breath as the engine clicked on, the jet speeding down the runway, before lifting into the air, and disappearing into the night sky.

Bucky coughed, clearing some smoke and soot from his lungs. He couldn’t wait to shower. The thick layer of grime on his body, the sweat, the blood from where he scraped his arm on a piece of rebar. Emotions were high. There were people crying everywhere. The bodies he’d pulled… a lot weren’t alive when he pulled them out.

His fists clenched at his sides. The next time he saw Zemo face to face would be the last time anyone saw him alive.

“Here.” Sam tossed him a bottle of water. His suit was smudged, the white a dark brown from the dust. The shield on his back marred with it. The mask that had been on his face hung around his neck. Lines were the dirt and dust hadn’t reached. Sam’s face was stoic. “We need to advance. This can’t happen again.” Bucky nods, the water soothing on his throat, he coughed once more after he finished the bottle, crunching the cardboard between his hands.

“After this,” Sam took a swig from his own water bottle, “We make moves.” A beep, an alarm. Sam and Bucky pulled their phones from their pockets.

Compound Security Breach

Their eyes met, “Y/N.” Bucky breathed. His heart dropped from his chest. Hand shaking, his phone gripped tight in his hand, the glass shattered.

You were panting, legs pumping as you and Peter ran into the safe house, the creaky hinges of the doors parting to EDITH’s request.

The doors hissed shut behind you, lights coming online in the small cabin in the middle of the woods. Peter’s footfalls stuttered, taking in the dusty surroundings. The cabin hadn’t been used since the funeral.

Not since Pepper moved back into the city.

The walls were vacant of pictures, just the bones of the house and the furniture remained. “Pete.” Your adrenaline was wearing off, emotions had been high all day, the escape left you blinking slowly. Exhaustion was creeping in. “Hey, it’s okay.” His fists were clenched, still sore about it.

“I know.” He turned to you, “Why don’t you go get some rest, I’ll notify the others.” You were too tired to protest. Your mind drifted to Bucky. You hoped he was okay. He always took things like this too hard.

There was a city in Italy that had been run through, a lot of civilian casualties. From Steve’s memory you could recall the small doll he’d found. Burned, next to the body of a little girl. They’d buried her with the doll, but Steve remembers him staring at it. Becca had one just like it.

They’d lay wrapped together that night, Bucky crying into his shoulder. Silent sobs racking his body. It left a sour taste in your mouth. Your legs felt like lead as you walked up the stairs, phone buzzing in your pocket. Heart leaping thinking it was Bucky. Eric’s name flashed across the screen.

Where are you?

You rolled your eyes, too tired to put in the effort. The first room you’d found you fell on your stomach fully clothed, and was immediately asleep.

“Do you believe in fate, Captain Rogers?” The lake was still. Tony’s funeral. It just ended. People were still milling about. Pepper, with the help of Peter and his Aunt May, was serving food inside. But Steve couldn’t eat. It wouldn’t sit right.

He should have died.

He should have sacrificed himself to save everyone. Tony had a wife, he had a little girl. He shouldn’t have died.

The guilt that sat in Steve’s chest was heavy. Heavier than anything he’d ever felt. Bucky was back, so was Sam. They seemed to be a little closer than before. He’d failed a friend before. This guilt was similar to that when Bucky fell from the train.

Back almost eighty years ago now.

Almost eighty years of Bucky being tortured and used, only to come back and have to fight, before dying again.

What was the point?

The emptiness Steve felt. The hollow of his chest.

And Natasha.

She gave her life so Clint could live. Sacrificed herself for the greater good of humanity. But the orphans, the ones she helped for five years before they changed it all back, she never got to see them reunite with their families. She deserved to.

That’s why Steve stood now, hands in his pockets, staring blankly out at the lake. Bucky had tried to talk to him a little before, hand on his shoulder, a reassuring squeeze. But he’d gone with Sam inside, Bucky’s own guilt fueling him to help Pepper set the table, occupy Morgan when Pepper needed to step into the bathroom to cry.

Bucky was trying.

So why couldn’t Steve move?

“Fate?” He asked, eyes shifting over to the man who stepped beside him.

“That everything happened exactly how it was supposed to.” That’s what Tony said. In the message he recorded, everything will happen just as it’s supposed to.

“I’m not so sure about that Strange.” His jaw hurt, the clenched grinding teeth unforgiving. “Things could have worked out differently… better for everyone.” The sorcerer nods, eyes shimmering with knowledge.

“Not for everyone,” He said, “We all have our destiny, roles we play in the grand scheme that lead the story on.” His hands stuffed in his pockets, mimicking the super soldier. “Universes upon universes of stories, Tony’s may have ended in this universe, but someone else’s story has begun in a different universe.” Steve’s brow scrunched in thought.

“What are you saying?” Strange gave him a look,

“Tony was always meant to die to defeat Thanos.” Strange stated simply, “In every universe that Thanos attacks he’s died during the fight in some way, whether it’s to save everyone or simply as a casualty. There was nothing you could have done to stop it. If you’d sacrificed yourself instead he would have died during the fight.” Steve turned to him, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You knew this whole time that Tony was going to die?” Strange turned to face him as well, nodding. “Why keep that to yourself?”

“Because if I said what was going to happen there’s a chance that it won’t happen.” An easy explanation. Steve blinks, taking a breath and trying to understand.

“So why are you telling me this?” Steve shrugs, eyes watery. “Why are you explaining different universes to me?”

“It’s a multiverse.” Strange states. “And we live in it now that we’ve cracked the code on quantum travel. But we also have always lived in it because quantum travel had been found. If time travel ever exists then it has always existed.” Steve shakes his head, a dry chuckle.

“What are you saying, Strange?” Their blue eyes met, a beat of silence, then another.

“What came first, the chicken or the egg?” An old question. One that had a few meanings. If you believed in evolution then it would technically be the egg. If you believed in God then it would be the chicken. But there’s no telling. No true answer. One unanswered, “Do you take the stones back and stay with Peggy because I tell you to or do you go on your own volition and tell me to have this conversation with you when you resurface 80 years in your future?”

Fists unclenched, jaw loosened and dropped, Steve felt confused. “I go back to be with Peggy?” His eyes drifted from Strange’s to the house. The cabin in the woods where Tony had been raising his family. Bucky had tied his hair up in a bun. He was on the porch with Morgan. Her tiny fingers handing him an equally tiny teacup. “I don’t stay here?” His heart racing. Strange lays a hand on his arm.

“That’s up to you,” Strange’s hand tightens for a moment before he goes on, “But there is something you need to know.” Steve’s eyes met his again, the fat tears he hadn’t been able to shed before now running down his cheeks. “There’s a reason to go back.”

Your head was pounding, mouth sour with sleep. Eyes crusted shut from crying once you’d hit the pillow. Your body was sore, but not uncomfortably so. You stretch your limbs out across the stiff sheets, trying to shake the sleep from your body. The sun just beginning to peek over the horizon, a blue glow in the room. You could hear the movements of someone downstairs.

Peter.

You swing your legs over the side of the bed, the cold wood off the floor chilling the soles of your feet. You make your way down the steps, the neglected wood creaking against your footfalls. Turning the corner you don’t see any sign of Peter. A red cape hovered to the right of the doorway, a man in robes stood in front of a sizzling pan. A carton of eggs lay open beside him.

“Doctor Strange?” Your voice is thick and raspy, dry with sleep. The man across from you nods, turning from the stove to look at you, eyes soft.

“We need to talk.”

taglist // @nutellakirb @witch-of-letters @torntaltos @emotionallysalty @an-lover @lbuck121 @rainbowkisses31 @artisticrogers1972 @flightlessbirdiee @bookish-shristi @saturnki @jennmurawski13 @geeksareunique @the-soulofdevil @tinmunky @gifsbysimplysonia @alwaysbenhardysgirl

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #sam wilson #peter parker #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #captain america #steve rogers

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neighborhood-merc · 5 years ago

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Guys !!! I am back! First of all, I hope all of y’all (your friends, family, pets! too) are doing alright. Keep safe! Wash your hands! Don’t go out if not necessary! Kisses! Kisses! Kisses! Alright, alright, let’s do this shall we? Same shit applies. [Here is Part 1 & 2 btw ]

The themes of the stories on this list varies, I’m either into something heart-warming, fluffy, domestic that sort of stuff or into some really really heavy and dark messed up ones. (READ THE TAGS) It always depends on the mood am I right? *wink wink*

It’s always gonna be smutty though lol

As long as it’s tastefully written, whatever kinky shit, I can be into it, I don’t judge the writer (they give us free content y’all, who are we to judge??) With that being said if I add something straight up messed up here now/or in the future, don’t come for meh, just mind the tags of the fic, for your own discretion if anything.

this list should be Wade Wilson/Peter Parker - Spiderman/Deadpool pairing only. I kinda like my babies greedy/possessive for/of each other.

READ THE TAGS.

I don’t care who tops or bottoms. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Summaries are taken directly from the fanfic’s summary.

Read the tags first!

Deluge (this is such a good boi, this fic is a good boy!) Weapon X chose Wade Wilson because of several factors in his life. He was a preternatural. He had extraordinary abilities that could be expanded upon. The cancer just made him desperate enough to agree to whatever they wanted to do with him.They didn't just turn him immortal. They destroyed his very soul, tearing him apart and shaping him into something new and never seen before. They took everything he had been and left him with ashes and bones. Soulless.He killed his creators and went on with his life.Then he met Spider-Man.Things started to change.Something inside him, something that had come out of the ashes and was a nightmarish, terrible thing, sat up and took notice. An intense, single-minded notice.

The Perks of Working Third Shift An AU in which Wade is wandering the globe and ends up in NYC where he meets the absolute most perfect man he's ever seen who's working third shift at a quick mart. Even better, the man seems happy to flirt back. Wade makes it his mission to score a date.Peter stopped dating a long time ago, but Wade's flirtations, energetic attitude, and hilarious comments make it hard for Peter not to enjoy the attention. But will all of that be ruined if Wade finds out his secret?

Better Like This (Listen, NotEvenCloseToStraight’s Spideypool works are amazing, read all of em, honestly just check out ALL the works of the writers on my list because if I list everything, this is gonna be a long ass list) No one knows Spider-Man is an Omega. Not the newspapers, not the NYPD, and certainly not the overly loud, definitely obnoxious, sort-of-a-good-guy, completely Alpha, Deadpool. And Peter would like it to stay that way. But when he drops into an unexpected heat, Deadpool is the only person he can call to help, and how quickly the Alpha switches from shouting dirty innuendos to whispering comforting things really throws Peter for a loop. After sharing a heat, Peter is convinced that Wade is his Alpha, and is ready to take him as his mate, but Wade rejects him. Wade knows that a man like him wouldn’t make anyone a good mate, much less a perfect, pretty Omega like Peter. So he says no, pushes the Omega away and unable to even work together anymore, they go their separate ways. Peter is devastated, heartbroken, seeking comfort in the arms of another Alpha, and all Wade can do is watch from a distance, and keep telling himself that he is doing the right thing, sparing Peter a life of disappointment and pain. Peter deserves better than him as a Mate, and one day Peter will understand. It’s Better This Way. But is it really?(Peter is Andrew Garfield)

Use Me Peter wants to help Wade. Wants to make him feel beautiful, wants to make him feel wanted... Wants to put out the fire in his own gut whenever he sees the merc for what he really is. He does.

Double Mint Gum Wade decides that only one of his fine-ass self just isn't enough

Spider Spidey (SPIDERY SPIDEY!)

Bleed the Water Red Peter and Deadpool are held captive by a super-villain that has an inclination for torture. After she boasts her untarnished record at never having hurt a child or teenager, Peter is forced to break the truth to both her and Deadpool.“Did you know I have a perfect record?” The villain collects a rusted pocket knife, tracing it up Peter’s arm, over his shoulders, down to his collarbone, as though considering where to cut. Peter focuses on controlling his breathing, fear twisting awfully in his belly. “You may look down on me, Mr. Spider-Man, but for all the righteous suffering I inflict, I’ve never hurt a child. Not once.”“Y'know, I don’t think you do,” Peter blurts. At his words, Deadpool's stare intensifies. “Have a perfect, non-child harming record, that is.”

Don’t Keep Me Waiting Peter's 90% sure Wade likes him. Or at least he was sure. When you almost jerk off in front of the friend you're definitely not pathetically pining for and they never mention it again, it makes you doubt yourself. Peter knows he should probably just ask what the fuck is going on, but where's the angsty fun in that?

Sometimes When We Touch Peter answers a Craigslist ad for someone who is willing to pay for some unspecified physical contact/sex because he's just that broke. He's surprised to find out Wade Wilson is the one who posted the ad, but thinks he can still manage just fine even when the man explains he'd like him to wear a special costume for the occasion. Of course things become a little more complicated when Wade reveals the outfit he's chosen: a shockingly accurate Spider-Man suit

Sunflower 26 and standing at the head of Parker Industries, Peter feels young in every way. He doesn't know himself, he lacks a lot of experience, and he's struggling to get a grip on what he thinks of the merc with the mouth, an absolute force who has starting pushing his desires in a direction that terrifies him.He desperately tries to come to terms with sexuality, even when it means dragging Wade flat on his face.Takes place after the dance scene in Spider-man/Deadpool, with important plot details omitted. Follows these two through extreme character growth.

Two Thirds of a Whole (I honestly felt weird about this one, but eh, maybe someone who’s into it would appreciate it) Peter Parker and Wade Wilson, finding Vanessa dead and having never met, assume the second body is their other soulmate. When they meet in a market ten years later, they both have a chance they never thought they would get again-- a chance at love.But can they find a way to be happy as two thirds of a whole?

Holding Back The thing about not being able to die is that it makes everything so dreadfully boring. Seriously, immortality's a bitch. So, you gotta keep things interesting. How else are you supposed to get through the day without going insane? Well, more insane.Wade wants to be a hero, but fighting bad guys isn't enough to keep things interesting. Wooing Spider-Man might help, though. And exploring his kinks definitely will. Of course, he never thought anything would come of either of these things. Boy, was he wrong!

Missed You (Imagine me covering me shyly covering my face for this ehehe) “Wade,” Peter whines, pulling off Wade’s mask and catching his lips in a deep kiss. All he can smell is leather and sweat and gunpowder, and he’s already embarrassingly hard. Wade comes home from a mission. Peter missed him. A lot.

Big Peter can't stop looking at and thinking about Wade's great big arms and shoulders and hands and back. He's fine. (He's not fine.)

Slip of the Tongue Sometimes Peter can forget how big Wade is, how much presence he has. Right now is not the time. His heart rabbits in his chest as he swallows, looking up. There’s always something there when Wade’s looking at him, something predatory, that makes Peter nervous and wanting, shivering hot all over.

Wade The Cat “Aw don’t be afraid little buddy, it’s okay, he’s gone”Wade almost cringes at how someone is talking to him, what the hell?! He’s not a defenseless animal. Wait. No, yeah, he is.Wade looks a little alarmed, stepping back as the man crouches next to him, smiling sympathetically “It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. You okay?”Wade holds his breath, gives an once over at the guy, beautiful chestnut eyes, the adorable smile, the red face probably resulting from the cold and the brown humid hair stuck to his forehead as he holds his umbrella for both of them and yep, ladies and gentlemen if he wasn’t before, Wade is right now a defenseless animal because “Meow” Wade says wiggling what should be eyebrows “Honey, I’d let you take care of me all night long” Wade purrs.

Gonzo Journalist (It belongs to a series “We fell in love in October) A young photographer working for The Daily Bugle hears about the tragic fate of an ex-soldier and decides to write an article about his cause to help him out. Maybe more than in one way.

The Man in the Mask When Wade is unceremoniously dropped off into the custody of one Dr. Parker, he assumes the man has only the worst possible intentions for one of the world's last remaining mutants. But it turns out, the universe still holds plenty of surprises for them both.

You Wear My Name Over Your Heart Like It’s Invisible "Why don’t you ever let me see it? If you have the name already, why can’t you tell me whose it is? I thought we were best friends."Everyone gets their Name when they turn twenty-one. It isn’t their own name either. It’s the name of their Soulmate. When Wade Wilson wakes on his twenty-first birthday, he looks down at his chest and sees Peter Benjamin Parker. He stares for a moment then shrugs, gets dressed, and doesn’t think about it for another six weeks.

Parachute, Please Peter unexpectedly goes into heat after an Avengers mission, which could have been fine, but the ride back is 2 hours and he's stuck on a plane with his closest friends and family.At least there's one person he can call at times like these for relief. And in comes Wade.

Peter Parker’s Home for the Wayward Villain A really long redemption story.

And Words Are Futile Devices Peter doesn’t think he’s lonely. He’s too busy to be lonely. He’s twenty-two, working on his PhD and holding down a shitty job at the Daily Bugle, not to mention his nightly extra-curricular activities. He’s too busy for friends, and he’s certainly too busy for romantic interests. And yet, shockingly, apparently everyone in his life thinks he needs to stop being an anti-social recluse and get laid.So Peter enters the wide, wonderful world of online dating. He doesn’t expect to find his soul mate, or even a friend, and he’s definitely not looking for hook ups. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for, really, until one Wade W. Wilson catches his eye and captures his heart with risqué dog pics and a concerning obsession with cannibalistic serial killers.This is a love story. A sweet, inevitable journey towards each other. There is humor, and melancholy, and a touch of both gravitas and levity to the weeks that trickle by. But really it’s just an account of the slow, magnetic movement of Peter towards Wade, and Wade towards Peter.

Strays Wade finds Spider-Man unconscious on a roof top. Score!Or: Spider-Man has lost his memories, some of his vocabulary, and all of his social conditioning. Wade is losing his mind.

The Inverse Deadpool doesn't have to try very hard to hide his second gender anymore because ever since Weapon X, no one in their right mind would ever believe that Wade Wilson was an omega. It doesn't matter anyway, because Wade knows no Alpha would keep a male omega. No alpha WANTS one, much less one that's as scarred and unstable as he is. Apparently, Spiderman was born to break every rule Wade has ever known.

The Body Remembers When the Mind Forgets When people need a mate in their life, it isn't usually because they've forgotten they already have one.

Half Your Age (Plus Seven) In which Deadpool has oddly specific and frustrating morals, Spider-Man has excellent friends, his lab partner has an opening for a bassist, Johnny Storm has the warmest feet, and everyone has had enough of hearing Peter talk about Wade Wilson (except Aunt May: she’s always glad to hear he’s back in town).

#fanfic #fanfiction rec #fanfic req #fanfiction #spideypool fanfic rec #spideypool #Peter Parker/Wade Wilson #spiderman/deadpool #Peter Benjamin Parker #peter parker #spiderman #spider-man #spider man #wade wilson #deadpool #fic rec list #fanficrec

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simsadventures · 5 years ago

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Only Mine:Chapter 1: One Night

Summary: Being single’s got its perks, such as going partying with your friends, and shamelessly flirting with people you know you shouldn’t be flirting with. And will you just flirt?

Warnings: swearing, alcohol abuse, smut (MUST 18+ TO READ THE PART BETWEEN WARNINGS- these will be put in front of the smut and when it ends, so that those who aren’t comfortable reading it, won’t have to, plenty will happen even without it)

Word Count: 3615 A/N: It’s finally here!! What do you guys think? I had so much fun writing it, I hope y’all enjoy it as much as I did. Feedback is gold, so pleaaaaase don’t hesitate and tell me what was on your mind reading it. Even constructive criticism is welcomed. Love you to pieces guys!! xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

The combination of being single and out on Friday night made you giddy. It took you over three months to properly get over your ex-boyfriend, and you were finally willing to have some fun. Not that the relationship ended badly, not at all. You and Colin were still friends, but you woke up one day realising, that you couldn’t anymore. That this was not the life you wanted to live- being the goody-goody, the perfect girlfriend turned perfect wife. Mike was a sweet guy, but if you were being honest with yourself, he never really was your type.

You met him in college, he was studying law, and you were doing English literature because books and reading have always been your passions. Everyone around you said you were perfect for each other, except your best friend, Natasha. She would always say that he is nice enough, but that he wasn’t the one for you. That you needed a little more. You would always dismiss her, telling her that this was exactly what every girl dreams of. The perfect life. But three years into this perfect life, you realised that the gilded cage wasn’t perfect at all and that your freedom was more valuable to you than loads of money, and golf-club lunches on Sundays.

When you told Mike, he looked devastated. He would tell you that he wanted to marry you and that he didn’t understand what happened. But the more you talked, the more he realised that you weren’t happy there with him and that you desperately wanted something he couldn’t give you. You knew he would find the perfect girl without a problem, he was a real catch.

And even though you were the one who ended the relationship, you were still in pain, over the loss of your friend, mostly. You missed Mike’s advice, his listening skills, and his warm hugs. So yeah, it took you three months to first and foremost move out of his house, and find an apartment that you could afford, with the payroll of an editor. Luckily, Nat wanted to move as well, and so you found a place for the two of you. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a small little space, just enough for the two of you to be close together, but still have some sort of privacy.

Tonight marked the first night ever since you left Mike, that you wanted to go out, and actually enjoy a male company. You wanted just a little flirting here and there, some dancing maybe, and you’d be good. All you wanted was to feel desirable again.

To achieve that, you wore your red bondage dress, which ended on your mid-thigh. You matched your lipstick with the colour of your dress, curled your hair, checked if everything fitted the way it should, and walked out of your room.

Nat was already seating by the dining table, her phone in her hand, waiting for you patiently. She looked up and had to do a double-check. “Holy shit, Y/N!! You so freaking hot I would jump your bones, for fuck’s sake! Men are gonna lose their minds tonight, baby!”

You laughed and swatted her shoulder. “You’re the one speaking. Have you looked in the mirror? You’re breathtaking, babe!” She was wearing a tight black dress, with a little flare around her hips, which only intensified her hour-glass figure. “They’re gonna be drooling on you!”

You decided to go to the Compound, a new club opened in the middle of Brooklyn. You heard a lot of stories about how it’s just a pretence, so they had a place to launder the money, but you didn’t really care. You also heard that the club owned the one and only Bucky Barnes, a guy who had his fingers in pretty much everything illegal happening on the East Coast. From time to time, you thought how it was possible, that a man of his reputation hasn’t been arrested yet, but Mike told you that because of his monopoly. His cooperation with the police when it came to stuff being snuggled to the Us by someone else than him, they just let him run the show.

He and his crew allegedly took care of most of the crime regarding women, and murders of innocent people in New York, and that’s why the police closed their eyes when it came to drugs and the other shit he was in.

But you didn’t care about any of that, mainly because you’d never meet this guy. Didn’t mean that just because you were going to a club supposedly owned by him, you’d have to meet him, or even if you met him, he would never notice you and you would never talk to him.

—-

When you came to the club, the line at the entrance was just long enough for you to be willing to stand there for a few minutes before they let you in. Were it any longer, you’d probably turn on your heels and go somewhere where it wasn’t this crowded.

The club was full, not to the point of it being uncomfortable, but enough that the air was tacky, and everywhere now and then someone would bump into you, trying to squeeze towards the bar. You were determined to have fun, so you tried to remain calm, even after what felt like 15th girl shoved you, because she saw someone she knew at the very opposite corner of the club.

You and Nat had few drinks, and even though you weren’t a newbie to drinking, this shit was strong, and because your choice of beverage was vodka with soda, it tended to go to your head a little faster. You knew you had to slow down a little, so you both went to the bar once again, but this time for a glass of water. It was only around 1 AM, and you knew that if you wanted to stay and have fun that night, you had to slow down with the drinks.

As you were sipping on the water, you looked around the club. People were mostly dancing, lost in the rhythm of the music, unaware of what was happening around them. You liked to watch this kind of scenes. These people were happy and relaxed, and you always enjoyed the energy that emitted from them. You shifted your gaze towards the tables and saw few couples making out, some crews of both men and women, chatting and laughing mindlessly. In the furthest corner from you was the VIP section. When you came, it was unoccupied, so expected it to be the same now, but when you looked, you saw that there were now 5 guys sitting there.

They were too far away for you to see properly, but you thought you saw them all roaming their eyes across the room, their faces cold as ice. You shook your head and told yourself not to bother. What you couldn’t see was one of the guys intently watching you, licking his lips as he was doing so. You were beautiful, and he wanted to meet you. Now.

As you turned around, you found Natasha chatting with a cute guy. She was all smiles, she would throw her hair here and there, touching his arm, and all the charming things she would do every time she set her eyes on somebody.

You were about to order a drink once again when you suddenly felt somebody’s hand on the small of your back. You turned your head and saw that one of the security guys was standing right behind you, touching you.

“Can I help you?” You said, loud enough for him to hear you through the music. You cocked your head and waited for a response.

“I was told to come to fetch you, girl. Somebody would like to meet you.” He said, and his arm was suddenly on your elbow. This guy was obviously not taking no for an answer. You showed him your index finger to tell him to wait a second and tapped Nat’s shoulder. “I’m going away for a sec, but don’t worry, ok? Some guy wants to meet me, or something.” She just raised an eyebrow and let you go, knowing full well that you were an adult able to make your own decision. She just made a mental note to see where you were going and to not really let you go anywhere without her knowing it.

You nodded at the security guy, and he led you towards the VIP section you were looking at just a few moments ago. When you reached your destination, the guy in front of you, just showed you to go ahead, and you followed his orders.

You stood there, in front of 5 men you’ve never seen in your life. The music was a little quieter here, but still, nobody was talking. All of them were just watching you, their eyes roaming across your body, shamelessly stopping at your boobs.

You were feeling like you were being judged like they were deciding whether you were good enough to talk to them. And you didn’t have time nor energy for that.

“Am I here for a reason, or for you to just watch me? ‘Cause if that’s the case, I’m heading back there, and I’m gonna enjoy myself.”

“That so, doll?” The one seating in the middle said with a raised eyebrow and smirked playing on his mouth.

You just nodded curtly and waited for his next move. Who the hell did this smug motherfucker think he was? Huh!

“Good! Boys, make some space, I would like to get to know this beautiful woman, even though she’s got some mouth on her!” You fought the urge to roll your eyes at him because he was just too much. He acted like a gangster… Wait a minute!

You cautiously sat down next to him, and he turned so he could face you. “What’s your name, beautiful?” The nicknames rolled off his tongue so easily, he must be used to calling all women that way. You took your time answering. If he was who you thought he was, you didn’t really need him knowing your name. So you decided for a little lie.

“Dita, and yours?” He smiled smugly, threw his arm around the cushion of the sofa you were sitting at. “I’m Bucky, doll, it’s really my pleasure to meet ya!” Ha! You thought. So it was him. You were contemplating whether to run away from this mobster or if you wanted to stay. But the looks he was giving you, the way he was biting his lip his eyes still locked in your, and the way his right hand was now resting on your thigh, this all send tingles to both your stomach and a little lowers.

He was a handsome guy, you had to give him that. He was chatting so easily, all smiles, hand squeezing your flesh, leaving you to crave more. What was more, he would order more drinks of your choice for you, so in an hour, or so, you could feel the familiar feeling of haze in your mind. You would lean into his touch more and more, enjoying the warmth that his body emitted. Your phone buzzed in your purse, and when you checked it, you realised that you had left Nat standing there, with a stranger.

Hey babe, just wanted to let you know that I’m going home with this guy, you ok? Having fun in the VIP?

You smiled and quickly typed your answer. Good for you, he was a cutie! I’m fine, don’t worry about me, Mr Important here is pretty easy on the eye too, think I’m gonna have a fun night. See ya tomorrow, love you!! xx

You put it away and smiled at Bucky sweetly. He handed you your drink, which you gave him to type your message correctly, and took a generous sip. A little drop of the poison stayed on your lips, and it didn’t escape Bucky’s attention. He swiped his thumb along your lower lip, wiping away the droplet, and then bringing the thumb to his mouth and putting it in his mouth. The sight of it all was so intense and giving off sexual vibes, that you shuddered involuntarily.

“What do you say we get out of here?” It was your turn to squeeze his thigh in confirmation, and Bucky helped you up, snaked his arm around your hip, bringing you closer to him. He led you out through the private exit, right towards the prepared black jeep. As soon as you were seated, Bucky was on you. He kissed you fervently, trying to touch as much of your skin as he could, but still leave the best to his apartment.

Warning: smut starting

The second he closed the door to his apartment, all bets were off. You were tugging at his shirt to pull it off him, to finally feel his skin against yours. He was doing the same to your dress and was much more successful at undressing you. You were left standing only in your underwear and high heels. Bucky took his time ogling your body. “Damn, Dita! You’re so fucking hot, come here, baby.” He all but growled at you, and you were more than happy to oblige, even though the fake name made you cringe a little.

His shirt went flying, and you set your job at unzipping his pants and pulling them off of him. You wanted to enjoy his body to the fullest, so you sank to your knees underneath him and cupped him in your hand through his boxers.

He groaned at sight in front of him. Beautiful woman, almost naked, was very willingly offering him a blowjob, and who was he to deny you. He let you strip him off his underwear and leave him completely naked in front of you. Your mouth watered at the sight of him. He might have been a feared mobster, but he was a sight for a sore eye! His member was more than average, proudly standing parallel to his abdomen. You were proud to be the cause of that. And you wanted more.

You spit in your hand, and took him firmly, stroking him teasingly, from top to bottom, stopping there to cup his balls and back up to wipe the leak coming from the head. You marvelled at the sight of in your hand. You smirked and took him in your mouth swiftly. Bucky tensed up and grabbed your hair in his hand, both to see your face and to be able to control your movement if needed. Bucky loved his control, and he wanted it all the time.

You wanted to tease him some more, but Bucky wasn’t having any of it. He pulled you towards him, not so you were choking on him, but enough for his cock to be comfortably in your mouth. You chuckled at his impatience but went with the flow.

You bobbed up and down, sucking intensely, not letting Bucky have a rest from the pleasure you were giving him. And when you were not sucking, you were licking and tracing the vein on his dick. You tried to take as much of him as possible, but you were still not able to take him fully even if you were gagging. Bucky was amazed by how easily you made it look. Most girls he’s been with weren’t that eager to give and were much rather on the receiving end of the pleasure, but you were good at this, and you knew it. Bucky wanted to stay like this forever. A girl on his feet, sucking him intently.

But he knew that if he wanted to keep his reputation, he needed to pull you off of him ASAP. Because if you continued at this speed, he would have come in your mouth in no time. He grabbed your chin and wiped away the saliva connecting you still to his achingly hard dick. You pouted when he did so, enjoying yourself too much. He laughed at you and raised you by your elbow.

“I know baby girl, I was loving it, but I would love to enjoy your pussy as well. Let’s get you to my bed, and I’m gonna let you experience the real show.”

God, he was smug! You just hoped he was as good as he thought he was.

He threw you on the mattress, and was immediately on you, kissing down your neck, nibbling at your soft skin, definitely leaving some marks for you to sport for next few days. He was unclasping your bra like a professional, with one hand, the other supporting his weight on top of you. As soon as you were free from the confines of your bra, he sucked on your nipples like a craved man. You were already writhing underneath him, the alcohol in your system making you all that much hornier- you could feel your panties being more soaked by every passing second.

His hand finally reached your soaked core, smirking at the wetness he found there. “Someone’s eager!” He mumbled against your nipples, still paying them the so needed attention. “Please, Bucky!” You were starting to be desperate. You wanted him inside you, like yesterday.

He ripped the panties from your body, leaving a pleasant sting on your skin. His skilled fingers finally found the place where he was needed the most, all moist and puffy, waiting for his member.

“I bet you could take me without any preparation, huh? You’re so wet for me, doll!” He inserted two of his fingers abruptly into you, making you moan out loud. You were feeling like a pornstar, and you were loving it.

“Bucky! God damn, please! Just fuck me already!” You grabbed his hand to stop his movement and to let him know just how serious you were!

“You don’t need to tell me twice.” He whispered, and prompted him on his elbows, guiding his cock to your aching core. “Aaaah!” You both moaned at the same moment, revelling in the fantastic feeling of him inside you.

“Fuck, you’re tight, doll! So god damn tight! Fucking love this pussy!” Bucky didn’t even know what he was saying, he just marvelled in the feeling of your velvet walls squeezing him. He could feel you were close already, the alcohol helping you with that, and he knew he wouldn’t last. The combination of the bj you’ve given him and your beautiful body and your tight walls was deadly.

He was thrusting into you relentlessly, taking your breath away and not letting your mind wander away from him. He was everywhere, and your senses were completely overwhelmed by him. You could feel him hitting your sweet spot over and over again, and before you knew it, the coil in your belly snapped, and you coming, mewling, crying, and scratching Bucky’s back in complete pleasure. Bucky sank his teeth in your shoulder, thrust half a dozen times, and came with a shout.

Warning ending

You were both panting messes, laying there, in Bucky’s bed, enjoying the post-coital bliss. You could hear his breath evening out, and suddenly, the realisation hit you. You were in Bucky Barnes’ bed, you just had sex with him, and you suddenly didn’t know what to do. You had probably the best sex of your life, no shame to admit that, but you knew very well that this was a one-time thing, and that you had to get away from there.

You didn’t want to be one of Bucky’s flings, or as you heard someone talking about the girls- his monthly prizes. You loved yourself too much to be just somebody’s prize, for him to kick you out the second he got bored with you. You waited another few minutes, listening to Buck’s breath, and when he started to snore lightly, you decided it was your chance.

You quietly took all of your clothes, hastily put them on, and pretty much ran from the apartment. The sun was already getting up, but you didn’t pay it too much attention. You just wanted to get home, sleep this crazy night away, and keep it only in your memory. You knew that there wasn’t much Bucky could work with if he wanted to find you, but you highly doubted he would go to some measures to look for you. You were just good sex for him, just like he was for you.

When Bucky woke up around lunch, he was facing away from where he last left you. He liked you, and he definitely liked having sex with you. You would do a good monthly girl, and he couldn’t wait to do more with you, enjoy your body until it was completely spent.

He smiled when he imagined what you probably looked like, lipstick smeared, his marks covering your skin, which would be still flushed from all the bliss. But when he turned around, he was met with empty sheets. He frowned, and got up promptly, roaming his apartment to see if you were hiding somewhere, playing some games with him. But when he reached the last door, and you were still nowhere to find, Bucky realised what was happening. You left without a word to him, which was something no women has ever done to him. He could feel his control slipping away, and he disliked the feeling it left him. He actually enjoyed your company last night and wanted more of it, but now he couldn’t. And that made him want you even more.

Next Chapter >

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babysizedfics · 4 years ago

Note

Back at it again with a couple more HC prompts, which imma just dump in one, and you can pick which ones you want. Puddles with the kiddos, family baking sessions when both are regressed, Ro wanting attention whilst Logan is reading, so climbing all over his book, how their reactions to new stuffies differ, regressed versus non-regressed birthdays.... Etc... 👍

okokokokok buckle up everyone

Puddles:

this is the only one where i have to be like .. i don't think so :0 see virgil can get very nervous when it rains because he's so anxious about 'is it gonna storm? will there be thunder? will we be hit by lightning? will there be a flood? what if one of us slips and hurts our head??' that he just cannot relax enough to be able to jump around in puddles because 'WHAT IF I SLIP IM GONNA DIE' and the wetness on his skin sets off the wrong sensory feelings so jumping in muddy puddles is a no for him (as much as he loves peppa pig)

and roman is a fussy little thing, he may not care as much for his appearance when he's small but i think he will still be conscious enough to notice if he gets wet hair and muddy clothes - plus i feel like roman's mood is quite tied to the weather, on dark days he tends to fee a little more gloomy, ao again not sure about this especially if he wouldn't have his baby brother there with him

Baking:

OH BOY so roman is a great cook okay? like chef level he has honed his skills so that he can make romantic meals for handsome princes, but baking? nu uh, too technical, he ain't got time for that. Patton is the baker of the house and makes cookies and cupcakes way too often for Logan's liking (but secretly he loves them of course, he's just concerned for everybody's teeths) but both CGs will cook dinner when the boys are little

When the boys are regressed they're not allowed much in the kitchen anymore. after roman tried to make breakfast in bed for his CGs and started a very small but very real fire he has lost some kitchen rights (ficlet coming to you at some point perhaps) and is not allowed in the kitchen without at least one CG. even if he can switch so quickly between headspaces, he ends up either 1) too stubborn to come out of little space, or 2) a kittle bit clumsy when he comes out of it

but to make up for roman being upset by this slight loss of independence (he is a big kid after all) patton and he do weekly baking sessions! and there's always a theme. most recently they had animal crossing themed cupcakes, a little mermaid themed jello (not technically baking but roman wanted to but little fish gummies in the jelly), and... the next one is a secret because i might put it in chapter 7 (: in fact chapter 7 will feature the first instance of this tradition!!

virgil has pyrophobia (fear of fire) and so is never keen to be in the kitchen while there's food preparation going on (but he was allowed to help with the under the sea jello!!) so roman and pattons baking sessions are an excuse for mama and baby bonding time! the tradition didn't start until after virgil's separation anxiety from patton had eased up a little so luckily there's barely any tears

mama baby bonding time consists of but is not limited to: sitting on mama's lap, doing puzzles together, (vee trying to suck on a puzzle piece and crying when he's told not to), mama reading baby books to vee, vee touching all the textures and flaps in the baby books, snuggles

Ro wanting attention while Lo is reading:

this is 1000% canon!! later in the series logan will often be at work in his room and have the boys with him because patton is busy with something or another. they realise they really do need to keep working for thomas' sake but manage to integrate the boys' littlespaces into it. Eg. logan dangling baby plastic keys from one hand to amuse girgil while he's typing with the other

but when it's quiet time, when patton is in virgil's room because the baby is having a nap and papa wants to watch over him, when roman hasn't been little because he's been working or simply not in the mood earlier that day, when logan is just chilling, just reading a stephen hawking book in the living room, when he's literally just vibing, roman can and will launch himself into logan's lap sending the book flying and logan isn't allowed to tell him off because 'I'm little now! i want attention now!! hi mom!!!!'

New stuffies:

AHHHHHHHHH this this this is so so cute!!

roman never used to care much for soft toys before okay? before he was ever a little sure he appreciated disney action figures (he used them to block out scenes he wrote for theatre productions and screenplays and fanfiction) sure he always had a soft spot for Mrs Fluffybottom his childhood toy, but she always just sat on a shelf, he never fet the need to cuddle her or play with her

but when he realises he's little, when he starts playing with vee, when he sees how much vee cares about his soft animals, when patton and logan buy him a present to welcome him to the littlespace family and it's a golden teddy bear (soon to be named Aladdin) with big brown beady eyes and a satin crimson bow around its neck? yeah big kids love stuffies too

and now whenever roman is gifted a new toy (soft or otherwise) he essentially gets the zoomies!!! his brain is going a million miles a minute with all the game possibilities and with the excitement of NEW PRESENT!!! and with the happiness that his caregivers thought about him and he's been a good enough boy to deserve gifts?? yeah he's so so so excited he canNOT stand still he runs around the house for a whole hour flinging his new toy around (yeah he's a bit rough with them and there's been more than one torn limp or loose eye but he doesn't care it just shows how much they're loved!)

Now virgil: this boy is very very very emotionally attached to his stuffies. when he was a "dark side" he couldn't have much soft stuff because it just went against everything the household stood for and he couldn't risk the others finding out about how not-scary he really was, but he allowed himself a single stuffed rabbit that was easy to hide and that he loved with all of his being. it was his security blanket and his one item that could offer him comfort in a oanic attack and his only posession that he felt was true to him and not true to the scary facade he put up to scare thomas and the "light sides" into listening to him

without spoiling anything, that bunny was left in that house when he moved to the "light sides"

and in his new home virgil started collecting soft toys whenever he needed comfort. everytime he felt unwanted, every time he had an anxiety attack, everytime there was a thunderstorm predicted for the next week he would get himself a new soft toy because that was the only way he knew to comfort himself. needless to say he's got a pretty big collection now. you might think he became desensitized to new toys because of how many times he had gotten himself a new one, and you might be partly right.

that is until for the first time ever he is given a stuffie by someone else... when logan buys him a soft toy in apology for accidentally revealing his regression to everyone ((yes i am writing this fic!))

it wasn't really logan's fault, virgil should have been more aware he should have been more careful he should have hidden it all better but the logical side was guilt-ridden nonetheless. virgil hadn't expected much to be honest, the sincere apology was enough for him

but when logan blushed and shyly opened a box and handed him a black cat stuffie? virgil had to fight very very hard not to outright sob on the spot. he simply took it, thanked logan shakily, and prayed that logan didn't point out the fact that tears were falling onto the fluff of his new stuffed friend Jiji

now whenever he gets a new toy it's different than before - it's not because he's upset and needs comfort, it happens less often now but it's more special, it could be for a holiday or as a way of saying he's been very sweet or just because patton simply couldn't resist this one because look at its cute lil eyes! but each and everytime he knows when he is handed a new toy by one of his family members it really means 'i love you'

and he buries his face in its softness - it used to be to hide his tears, but now he just can't help but squeeze it tight and close and let the feeling of love wash over him

Birthdays:

yknow that episode of steven universe where steven wears a regal cape and a golden crown? yeah that's roman whether he's little or not

seriously this kid is very much the 'it's my birthweek!' type

lots of singing, lots of 'but i'm the birthday boy!!' to try to get thtings he really shouldn't be getting (like a third cookie) (and yes patton caves every single time) (patton is eventually banned from making decisions on romans behalf during his "birthweek")

there's not much difference at all between little romans birthday and big romans birthday, he's just an excitable boy whether he's a kiddo or not - this may or may not make the caregivers question whether maybe he actually was a little before virgil's regression was revealed

(irrelevant but patton definitely makes the pun 'you're a little? a little what? finish your sentences silly billy!')

virgil hates his birthday. hates it.

too much attention, too many things that could go wrong, too much pressure on it being a good day. what if his anxiety is bad that day? what if he doesn't want everyone watching him open presents? what if he's genuinely terrified that people think walking towards him with a big grin, singing at him, and carrying a cakeful of literal fire is a somehow a fun activity??

when he first moved into the house he made it very clear that he does not have a birthday so don't even try to throw him a party

naturally roman and patton were devastated, but after a failed attempt at getting virgil to enjoy his birthday they obeyed logan's request that they not try to push the idea on virgil any further

but the first birthday after they become a little family, it's a bit different

they don't push it, not at first, but virgil does wake up to patton already in his room and cooing at him adoringly , immediately sending him into his regressed headspace

then he's given a new soft toy. that wasn't so bad

then roman let him choose what disney film they watched. that wasnt bad either

then logan cuddled him for an hour and they might have fallen asleep together not noticing the smell of vanilla coming from the kitchen

then there was a new paci, a new rattle, another new soft toy, and cake cut up into tiny squares so he could nibble on it with his fingers

there was no loud singing no big surprises no bright lights or fire or anything else that he hated about birthdays

there was only love and toys and comfort. so virgil really didn't mind birthdays much after that

#wowie wow wow wow that was a lot i hope this is ok??#long post #all caps #food tw #pyrophobia tw #little/big concepts #agere virgil #little virgil #little roman #cg logan #cg patton #asks #anon #agedre roman

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jawritter · 5 years ago

Text

Broken Me...

Ch. 12

Summery: The Dallas Convention couldn't have come at a worse time for Jensen. His world fell apart earlier that morning, but was expected to just act like everything was normal. You and a friend were at the convention for her birthday. Life hasn't been that great for you either, but a forced meeting on stage changes two worlds. Will you be able to put this broken man back together again...

Series Warings: Cheating, shitty marriage, Danneel is a bitch, I unfortunately have to put that as a warning because some people tend to get turnt up about it if you don’t... Smut, Crying, Suiside Attempt, brief discription of suicide attempt and recovery, depression, hints of self loathing, language. I think that’s it... Suicide Trigger warnings will be placed over each chapter!

Chapter Warnings: Smut, unproteced sex, oral, female recieving, talk of anxiety and depression, language, that’s about it I think...

Word Count: 2277

A/N: BINGE READ TIME!! As always all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is gold!! Hope you all enjoy this one!!

Want More? Check out my masterlist!!

****MASTERLIST****

Jensen's POV:

It had been roughly two weeks since landing in Vancouver, and if there was one thing Jensen knew for certain it’s that he hated having to go to that therapy, but he did it to get everyone off his back.

He knows why he did what he did. He didn’t think he needed someone analyzing him like a damn test subject to 'tell him how he really feels,' or 'what the real problem seems to be.’ He knows what the problem is.

He’s well aware of what he did...

He’s not going to do it again...

Because there's something he realized...

He’s got way too much to lose...

His kids still need him...

Danneel text him yesterday, and said she would call later this week if he was feeling up to it to work out a weekend visit for the kids.

Work had gotten a lot better. Not that he ever disliked what he did. It's what he lives for. When he first started slipping into the depression, about a year after getting married to Danneel, everything seemed draining to him. Even the things he loved.

Since you had come into his life, things he once enjoyed he was now enjoying again. You were always there for him, even when he was too stubborn to admit he needed you to be. Always watching out for him. When things get too heavy you’re not afraid to help him.

You weren’t afraid to sit up at night when he couldn’t sleep. Everytime he feels like something is headed his way he can't handle, and he’s about to slip, it’s almost like you know, and come to wrap your arms around him... Letting him know you’re there. He’s not alone..

Everything he thought would never be fixed, it was slowly starting to not seem too devastating.. Which made him understand even more that what he did, he should have never done.. When you’re battling depression things seem bigger than what they really are, like you just can’t ever recover from whatever your facing, when that’s not really the case.. That’s what happened to him, slowly though you were showing him that he could, and he’d forever be grateful for that, for you....

The way you look at him, so completely devoted...

There was doubt in his mind that you love him. He never had to worry about if he had to work all day long, he’d come home to you screwing another man.. You wait on him, hand and foot. Almost too much. Because he didn’t think he deserved half of the things you did for him...

He’d never had a woman do that for him. He’d never felt what it felt like to be truly loved. Unconditionally and completely. Without some hidden agenda.

Tonight the two of you were meeting Jared and Gen at a local restaurant for dinner.. She had flown in for a few weeks with the boys, and she wanted us to go out to dinner with them.

Jensen knew she was still friends with Danneel, but that was her business, and he wasn’t going to hold it against her..

You don't seem to be worried about it either.

"You ready babe?" Jensen yells,l toward the bathroom. Slipping his jacket over his shoulders. Then turning around and grabbing yours.

"I'm coming!!" You yelled toward the living room.

A few minutes later you walk out of the bathroom and he had to pick his jaw up off the floor. He’d never seen you all done up before, and damn!

You were honestly the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

The way your black dress hugged you in just the right place. Showing just enough to drive him crazy. your long y/h/c hair curled and playing the middle of your back. Barely any makeup, but you didn't need it.

"You okay handsome?" You asked, salturing up to him in your black heels. Wrapping your arms around his neck as he threw the jack over the chair next to him so that he could pull you as close to him as possible.

"You are beautiful." Was all he could get out before pressing his lips to yours. Kissing you deeply.

................................

Your POV:

"Come on we're gonna be late." You tell him once he finally breaks from kissing you to breath.

His eyes were an astonishing shade of green tonight, and if you looked into them you couldn't think clearly.

Jensen made a strange growling noise as his trailing soft kisses down your neck, and up to your ear. Running his teeth lightly over your ear lobe. Causing a shiver to rip through you.

"Think we're not gonna make it out the door babe." He said in a husky deep voice that made your knees weak.

"Jared will hunt you down and kill you." You tell him, taking a deep breath trying to clear your head in order to resist the attack he was currently doing to your throat..

"Fine." He said, nipping your nick just hard enough to make you gasp. Causing him to to chuckle to himself. Eyes raking over you like a five star meal that had been placed in front of a starving man as he grabbed your coat. Slipping it over your shoulder.

"To be continued then." He whispered in your ear. Your body heats up in anticipation of the promise that was laced thick in his deep voice…

------------------------------

So far the dinner was going quite well. As the restaurant started to get crowded you could feel Jensen shifting uncomfortably in his seat next to you. You reach over under the table and grab his hand. He laced his finger in yours. Completely covering your hand with his.

"J? You okay man?" Jared asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

Jensen quickly cleared his throat. Sitting up straighter in his chair. Still holding on tightly to your hand.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm fine. Just a little tired." He said, trying to shake it off.

Gen watched him closely. Eyes searching him.

"Liar." She finally said. Earning a raised eyebrow and an offended look from Jensen...

"Come on Jensen don't shut people out. Let us help you."

The light mood of the evening changes in an instant. You could feel him stiffen next to you. You knew what was wrong. You knew since his last bout with depression that ended in him almost killing himself tight places seemed to make him agitated.

Not because he was afraid of people. He still loved his fans. Always messing with people on Twitter and other social media.

It was the questions.

He didn't want to be confronted with questions.

Jensen had a real 'I'm a man, and I don't need help or anyone asking me questions.' Problem that he was still working his way through, asking for help didn’t always come easy to him, and he didn’t want to seem weak at all..

"Gen. I'm fine. I'm just getting tired. I've been up since three this morning. I had to do the same shower sex scene more than seven takes. The water was fucking cold, and I'm just not in the mood for that." He said flatly. You look across the crowded restaurant and see two people with professional looking cameras hiding behind a booth wall Jensen had just gestured towards...

You had gotten to know Jensen pretty well. You had been with him almost every waking moment from the moment he showed up at your hotel door in Dallas. He told you things that he hasn't told anyone. With that being said you could tell he'd just about had enough of the day, and this dinner, not to mention this conversation..

"Maybe it's time to get going." You tell him, running your thumb lightly over his hand.

"Yeah Gen it's getting late we need to go relieve the babysitter. We should have been home an hour ago." Jared said, both of them standing.

You all said your goodbyes. Walking to your cars. The lighter mood returning as you all step out into the cool Vancouver air.

Jensen held your door open as you slid into your seat. You watched as he walked around the car. Getting in he slams the door, pulling you to him he crashes his lips into yours. Slipping his tongue into your mouth. Tongues battling for dominance.

His hand traveling up your inner thigh, playing with your pantie line. Before finally pulling away, and throwing the car into drive.

"We need to get home. Now." He growled. Sending shiver and anticipation down your spine, and a deep arousal to your core..

Throwing the door open to your apartment Jensen carried you bridal style into the master bedroom. Sitting on your feet carefully next to the bed he wraps his muscular arms around your waist. Pulling you against his toned body.

Finding your lips again he picks up where he left off in the car. Kissing you until your lips were swollen. Then working his way from your lips to your ear. Then down to your neck. Kissing your shoulders as he slipped the straps away. One arm was still wrapped securely around you while the other hand grabbed the zipper in the back of your dress. Pulling it down slowly. His fingers lightly brushing your back as he goes. Causing a fire to light somewhere deep in your belly.

He never broke eye contact with you as your dress slid down your body, pooling at the floor around your feet. He brought his lips to your again. Kissing you passionately as he unhooked your bra. Throwing it to the floor next to the two of you. With one hand he pulled the hem of your panties. Causing them to fall to the floor around your feet.

Taking a step back he took a long hungry look at you. Taking all of you in. His chest rising and falling heavily as he looked at you.

“God damn baby you get more beautiful every time I see you.” He growled...

Coming back to you in one smooth movement he picked you up, and sat you down on the bed against the pillows. Hovering over you as he watched you slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Skidding it off his shoulders he shrugged out of the sleeves. Leaving it on the floor next to your clothes.

You run your hands lightly over the toned muscles of his chest and his soft stomach. Feeling them tighten and relax under your touch. A shiver ripping through his body as you run your fingers down his stomach. Undoing his belt and jeans. In one swift movement he quickly removes his pants and boxers. Leaving himself exposed to you completely.

Getting back to his hovering position over you. Leaning down he leaves kisses from your neck to your breast. Taking his time with each of them. Pulling his teeth teasingly over your nipples. Sucking slightly as he moves down your stomach. Taking little nips at your skin as he goes.

Moving down your thighs. One then the other. Dragging his perfectly straight teeth over your skin, driving you insane as his tongue follows, sweeping back up your body to the apex of your hips.

Your body withering underneath him with need. Finally when you thought you couldn't take it anymore he slides his mouth over your aching core. Causing a sharp gasp to escape you. Followed by a string of moans as he expertly moves his tongue over your most sensitive parts. Driving you closer to the edge. Pulling away right before you're pushed over. Leaving you aching for him as he runs his tongue up your body moving to the bend of your neck.

Kissing and sucking the sensitive skin there. Leaving his mark on you. One that was going to be really hard to hide in the morning. You didn't care though. You were his and you didn't care who saw it.

Finally you couldn't take it anymore.

"Jensen please!" You beg. Squirming under his touch. Need making it impossible to stay still. Putting his forehead to yours he positioned himself at your entrance. Sliding his thick, hard length into you slowly. Never breaking eye contact with you.

Giving you a moment to adjust before he pulled himself out slowly, then pushing harder back into you. Slowly he repeated this action. Over and over again. Never breaking eye contact with you. Moaning as you run your fingernails down his back to his hips. Then back up again.

Finally he started to pick up his pace. Hitting in just the right places with every thrust. Driving closer and closer to your end as his own pace began to pick up speed again and become sloppy. Your walls quivering around him. About to spill over the edge.

"Come for y/n." He whispers as he spills into you. Unable to hold back his own release, pulling you over the edge with his. Rocking himself into you as both of you both rode out your high.

Later as you lay in each other's arms. Him playing with your hair absent-mindedly. You tracing the freckles that are sprinkled across his chest and shoulders with your fingers.

You were dozing. Slipping onto a deep content sleep. No. He wasn't perfect. He had his problems. He had his insecurities. Just like you had yours. But he was yours and you were his. At this moment. That's all that mattered. All other problems didn't exist as long as you were wrapped in his arms.

No matter what tomorrow held for you, or what struggles he might face, he had you, and that’s how it would always be...

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