#I’m going to judge everyone depending on their answers

[ryewritesstuff]

Thank you @bg-brainrot for the idea 💕 If anyone has any other requests leave a comment

[wooyoungiewritings]

Mr. Popular - Seonghwa x Reader

Summary: After your best friend leaves you alone at the party, you find yourself in an unfortunate situation, until an unexpected savior comes to save the day. Seonghwa, the popular guy, ends up being your knight in shining armor, but he also happens to be the guy your best friend is currently crushing on. So what do you do, when you find yourself getting to know him and he makes you feel things you shouldn't?

Word count: 21.8K

Genre: Fluff, a bit angsty, S M U T

Warnings: smut, fem reader (fem pronouns), oral sex (f receiving), fingering, dirty talk, light choking, hair pulling, unprotected sex, edging (f), Hwa is very dominant hehhehehhe, lmk if I missed anything!

This is all for fun and is not meant to represent Seonghwa in any way.

“You know who’s coming tonight?”

You look to your side and see a smirk on your best friend’s lips.

“Judging from the smirk on your lips, I’m guessing one of your boyfriends.” You roll your eyes jokingly and her hand smacks your arm.

“Boyfriends?!” She almost screams, and you send her a pair of eyes to tell her to quiet down. The poor taxi driver has driven you two all across town and has heard plenty of your conversations, and you’re starting to feel bad for him. “They’re not my boyfriends.. yet.” She smirks.

“How many do you plan on dating, huh?” You look out of the window, not recognizing the area. 

“Crushing on someone is not the same as dating them. Just because two of my favorite eye-candies are coming tonight, doesn’t mean I’m going to talk to both of them.”

“And who’s that?” You ask curiously. Last time you counted, she was crushing on 5 people from your school, a few of whom she has never spoken to.

“Mingi and Seonghwa.” She answers confidently. “And who I’ll be shooting my shot at tonight, all depends on who catches my eye first.” She shrugs, and you roll your eyes once again. Once again, you feel bad for the taxi driver, but when you see a house full of people, you know you’re finally at your destination. You pay for the cab before heading out, and the music from the house blasts loudly in every direction. 

Your best friend grabs you under the arm and drags you towards the party she got you both invited to. She was the social one of the two of you. She knew everyone, knew how to get her way, and was happily dragging you along with her. You on the other hand, mostly only agreed to come so she would keep inviting you to things. 

It’s hard to be as extroverted as her, but you got a taste of the popularity from her, and that was enough for you. You didn’t attend these parties quite often. They were alright, but you enjoyed your relaxing weekends even more. But it had been a while since your last party, so you decided tonight was the night.

People fill the yard outside, smoking and drinking, and you mentally prepare yourself for the party inside. As you enter through the front door, you’re welcomed by a vibrant atmosphere. Every room is filled with people laughing and dancing, and the bass from the music vibrates through the entire floor to your body. The smell of alcohol filling your nose, a group of guys screaming over a game of beer pong, and the sticky floor from spilled alcohol remind you why these parties aren’t your favorite way to spend your night. You look to your side and see your best friend scanning the room.

“You see something?” You ask, seeing as she squints her eyes in a certain direction.

“I’ve spotted my target for tonight.” She wriggles her brows with a smirk and you feel her let go of your arm. “A tall Mingi just went out to the backyard.” She lets completely go of you, but before she goes anywhere, you grab her hand again.

“Are you leaving me?” Panic is evident in your voice. You’ve been here for 15 seconds, and she’s already about to leave you for a guy.

“No! I’m just... Getting us something to drink... From the backyard...” Her excuse isn't getting her far, and your sigh lets her know how you feel about the situation. “I’ll just go talk to him really quick, okay? I’ll be back. Please?” She sends you her famous doe-eyes as she softly holds your hand.

“The eyes only work on guys, you know that,” You shake your head, looking at the door Mingi just went through. Your gaze meets her eyes again, and another deep sigh leaves you. “Go.. Before I change my mind.” Your words have her jumping, and she quickly kisses you on the cheek before making her way toward the door that leads to the backyard and a certain Mingi. 

A sigh escapes between your lips as you look around at the party in this unfamiliar house. Your eyes try to scan after someone you can hang out with while your friend shoots her shot, but it only leaves you unsatisfied. You recognize a few people, but not anyone you’d categorize as your friends. A group of guys runs past you, nearly running into your still-standing frame, before they exit the door filled with drunken laughs.  

Your introverted side is really kicking your ass right now. 

You find your phone in your pocket, trying your best to look busy and fail to see the eyes watching you from across the room. Eyes that belong to someone who doesn’t see you at these parties very often, and is too busy people watching, compared to his friends around him who have their own conversation going. He takes a sip of his drink as his eyes stay on you. He wonders why you’re all by yourself, or if you’re waiting for someone. 

“Don’t you think, Hwa?” Wooyoung asks as San laughs, but Seonghwa hasn’t heard a word of their conversation.

“Sure.” He simply responds and looks at you again. A loud group of guys snatch his attention from you. They’ve been loud the entire night, and he’s honestly not a fan of this group of guys. They’re from another college and are always at these parties where they tend to make a fool of themselves. The group of guys are standing around a small table filled with bottles of alcohol, and a few of them point in a specific direction. Seonghwa’s eyes follow their pointing and he realizes they’re talking about you. 

This catches his attention even more, and he keeps his eyes on the group of guys as he watches them make a drink, and one of them heads in your direction, two drinks in hand. 

“Hey, you look a bit lost?” A voice steals the focus from your phone, and you look up to see a guy with two drinks in his hands.

“Oh, I just barely know anyone here.” You say, putting away your phone. 

“Then let me accompany you, I’m Daniel! Nice to meet you,” He holds out a hand for you to shake. He has a friendly smile on his lips, so you shake his hand and introduce yourself. “You came here alone?” He asks.

“No, I came with someone else but I kinda lost them. So I just decided to stay here... they’ll come back... Hopefully.” You honestly don’t know when your best friend will be back. She’s done this a few times before, and she can be back in 5 minutes or 3 hours. 

“Well, lucky for you, I happen to be alone as well. Can I join you?” He sends you another smile. His voice is courteous and accommodating, and he’s the only one who has talked to you, so you decide to let your inner extrovert shine.

“Sure.” You shrug.

“Cool. I also happen to carry an extra drink with me... Are you up for a game?” He lifts a brow daringly, and it turns on a fire in you. You may not know this guy, or be the biggest fan of drinking games, but you feel tempted to accept. 

“It depends.” There’s a skepticism evident in your voice.

“Whoever chucks the fastest, gets to make the other one a drink, and they have to drink it. Deal?” He holds out one of the drinks for you. The orange color of the drink makes it look fruity, and you’re tempted to lose yourself for once. 

Have fun, be open, meet people. 

“Deal” You grab the drink.

A smile spreads on his lips and he holds out his drink to cheer with you. You bump your drink with his and slowly get ready for this small challenge he gave you. Your hand brings the drink to your lips, and you get ready to chuck while Daniel starts a countdown. 

“Alright, ready? 3..2..1..”

“There you are!” An unknown voice interrupts just as you’re about to drink. You and Daniel both stop and look at the owner of the voice, and you freeze when you see a tall figure next to you. “Sorry, I took so long, Angel. You’re already starting without me?” Seonghwa asks before he grabs the drink from your hand. You’re completely frozen in your spot as you watch Seonghwa take a sip of the drink and make a disgusted face. ���Oh, babe, you don’t like this... Remember that drink you tasted a few weeks ago? It tastes exactly like that,” Seonghwa pours out the drink in an empty bowl on the table next to you. His scent wraps around you like a warm hug, when he relaxes his arm around your shoulders and shifts his gaze to Daniel. “And who do we have here?”

Daniel narrows his eyes in Seonghwa’s direction, but Seonghwa doesn’t seem intimidated in the slightest.  

“Daniel,” He answers coldly. "Who are you?"

“Let’s get you something good to drink.” Seonghwa looks down at you with a smile and completely ignores Daniel's question and presence. Seonghwa's black hair falls down in front of his eyes as he looks down at you, and you’re lost for words. You’ve never spoken to Seonghwa before, only seen him in class or whenever your best friend wanted to show pictures of him, but being this close to him so suddenly, seeing his sharp features up close, sends a quick rush of warmth throughout your body. 

Seonghwa definitely caught your eye at times. He and his friends were some of the popular guys on campus, and most people knew who they were. Hence, they were always at the parties. But Seonghwa seemed like one of the more “friendly” ones. He wasn’t as intimidating as some of the others in his group and generally gave you the best impression. And seeing him up close like this, you see why so many girls were crushing on him.

Seonghwa grabs your hand and wedges himself through the crowd and into the empty kitchen, leaving Daniel alone. The loud music quiets down to a less deafening volume, yet the loud voices from people are still evident from around the house. Alcohol, empty cups, and chips are lined up on the kitchen island, and he lets go of your hand before you watch him as he starts mixing two drinks.

“What just happened?” Is all you finally manage to say as Seonghwa locks his focus on the drinks.

“He and his friends.. bad news.” He explains and you watch him pour alcohol and soda into the cups. His black slightly curly hair falls down on his face again, and together with his big black sweater, he gives a relaxed vibe, despite being in the chaotic household.

“Really? He seemed cool.” You don’t know much about these parties, but Daniel seemed nice, and not like “bad news” as Seonghwa called him.

“Yeah, they do until they get you drunk and take advantage of you.” His words make it sound like this has happened before. He doesn’t keep his eyes on you much, too focused on making the drinks as he takes a quick sip of one of them. He doesn’t look fully satisfied and continues to mix some more soda into the cups.

“Do you know him?” You ask.

“I know about him, but I saw him approach you and the way he spoke to you.” He grabs a spoon and uses it to mix the liquids in the cups. His words have you tilting your head slightly.

“You were watching me?” You ask, narrowing your eyes jokingly at him. Seonghwa smiles to himself, avoiding your eyes, and keeps his gaze on the drinks. 

“Here..“ He hands out one of the cups to you, ignoring your question. He finally looks into your eyes and the big brown eyes lock with yours as you take the drink. “He and his friends had hidden the taste of alcohol so you would get drunk quicker,” He explains before taking a quick sip of his cup. “Never take drinks from strangers.” 

“Kinda suspicious saying that after handing me a drink, don’t you think?” You ask, lifting the cup to your lips. You let the liquid make its way into your mouth, and you're instantly impressed with the flavor. It doesn’t taste a lot like alcohol, but you also noticed how much soda Seonghwa added to the drinks compared to the amount of alcohol. 

Seonghwa sends you a warm smile. “I’m Seonghwa.” He says.

“I know.” You say before telling him your name in return.

“I know. We have class together.” His words leave you slightly speechless. Never had you noticed his eyes on you or heard your name escape through his lips. Sitting at the other end of the classroom, not being part of the same friend groups, never sharing a conversation. It honestly made sense if he didn’t have any idea of your existence. 

“I didn’t think you had noticed me,” You say quietly, trying to hide your blushing cheeks. His soft piercing eyes had a bigger effect on you than you cared to admit. “In a class with 95 other students, I feel like it’s pretty easy to blend in.” 

He shakes his head. “Nah, I see you in class..” The way his eyes continue to show warmth and friendliness, despite never looking into them for this long, have your knees softening. “You have a very innocent face. Like an angel,” His words make you forget everything for a second, never having heard that compliment before. “But I usually see you with this other girl, I think I saw a glimpse of her and Mingi tonight.” 

Hearing how your best friend successfully made a move on Mingi, somehow makes you feel a little better for her leaving you. At least her plan worked.

“Speaking of her..” You start, looking at your cup. “What do you think of her?” Your curiosity got the best of you. Talking to Seonghwa, one of her many crushes, could open your chances of being a wonderful wingman for your friend.

A wrinkle formed between Seonghwa’s brows as he tried reading where this conversation was heading. His skepticism of the topic held him back from answering, so you decided to expose your friend.

“My friend has a little crush on you. That’s why I’m asking.” You shrug, and Seonghwa let out an awkward laugh.

“Oh... I haven’t spoken with her enough to have an opinion. She seems nice though.” It didn’t seem like he was ecstatic at the information about your friend’s crush on him. But Seonghwa seemed like the guy to get confessions from girls a few times a week, so this probably wasn’t new to him.

“I’m just saying... If you want to shoot your shot with her, she won't decline.” You’re working your hardest, trying to be the best wingman for your friend. If only she knew that you were spending your time talking to her crush about her, while she was shootig her shot at someone else.

Seonghwa seem to have the same train of thought. 

"Are you trying to set me up with your friend while she's visibly trying to hook up with my friend?" There's a smile on his lips, slight confusion evident in his voice.

"Look, I'm just trynna be a good wingman here." You hold up your hands like you're innocent, earning a chuckle from Seonghwa.

“Well, maybe... But I’m kinda busy tonight trying to save this girl from some creep trying to get her drunk at this party.” A smirk formed on Seonghwa’s lips and the urge to roll your eyes rushed over you. 

His brown eyes were slightly hidden by his black hair, and as much as you hated to admit it, you felt intrigued by him. He had a certain charm and friendliness that made you addicted to his presence, and despite only talking for a short amount of time, you’re already more than comfortable around him.

“You don’t think I’m able to take care of myself?” You ask teasingly.

“Oh, I know you can take care of yourself. But when you see a blind person crossing the street, you still offer help, even though they know how to walk by themselves.” His anecdote had you smiling. He lifts his cup slightly in your direction, still with a smirk decorating his lips. “Cheers, angel face.” His smirk hides behind his cup as he keeps his eyes on you. Never did you think your best friend’s crush would be your savior of the night, but you find yourself more comfortable with him than anyone else at this party so far.

You both lift each of your cups to your mouth, and you taste the sweet taste on your tongue. Seonghwa’s eyes linger on you while he also takes a sip, and you’re glad you can blame the warmth in your cheeks on the alcohol. 

The two of you start various conversations in the middle of the kitchen, barely noticing the people around you, and you use this time to try and get to know Seonghwa. He's making you laugh, telling you stories about previous parties, and telling you about his friend group. You try opening up to him as well, but you realize how his life is much more exciting than yours. But Seonghwa is very accommodating and asks multiple questions about you, making you feel welcome. 

It makes you feel better, having someone to talk to in this crowded house of strangers, but as you're about to say something, a presence enters the kitchen, stealing Seonghwa’s attention from you.

“Seonghwa! I’ve been looking for you!” The female voice bursts out, and you look at the doorway to see a beautiful girl walking towards Seonghwa. Instantly, your confidence falls to the ground, as the popular girl steals the popular guy from you. 

You watch as she walks past you, barely paying you any attention as she steps in front of you so she can talk to Seonghwa. Your feet take a few steps back, allowing her the space she needs. Seonghwa notices how you move away and he looks down at the intruder. 

“Oh, sorry, can I talk to you in a minute? I have-”

“You said that before too!” The girl interrupts, and you meet Seonghwa’s apologetic eyes. You know you’re not usually a part of this environment, and the people used to these parties probably know each other in a way you don’t. You send Seonghwa a smile and take a few steps toward the doorway.

“It’s fine, I have to find my friend... Thank you for this.” You hold up the drink before making your way out of the kitchen. You ignore the small crack in your heart as you walk away, actually not wanting to stop your conversation with Seonghwa. You’re thankful for him saving you, but you don’t want to hold him back from talking to his friends at the party. You decide not to look back at Seonghwa as you make your way through the crowd. What you don’t see is Seonghwa’s locked gaze on you as you walk away, barely listening to the girl in front of him. 

You choose to look after your friend, deciding on her behalf that she has spent enough time with Mingi. What you didn’t expect, was to search for her everywhere for what felt like hours. You even ended up searching for Mingi, but both of them seemed gone like the wind. Going around the crowded house multiple times, trying to find a familiar face was an impossible mission. The thought of leaving did cross your mind, but you were in an unfamiliar neighborhood all the way across town. Getting a cab would be expensive as hell, and since you expected to share a cap with your friend, you weren’t keen on the idea of paying twice as much for a ride home. You therefore decide to stay, hopefully finding your best friend sooner or later.

The softness of the couch felt like a reward as you sat down amid the crowd, relaxing your legs. You wrote a mental note to yourself to never let your friend leave you in the middle of a party where you know literally zero people. 

The couch gets another visitor, and you look to your side to see a smile in your direction.

“Guess you didn’t find your friend?” Seonghwa asks, earning a shake of your head.

“Nope. She’s literally gone with the wind.” You lean further back on the couch when Seonghwa hands out a cup for you.

“No thank you, I don’t feel like drinking anymore.” 

“Good thing it’s water then. I figured you weren’t in the mood for alcohol.” He sends you a warm smile, and you see the clear liquid in the cup. 

You always saw Seonghwa as the friendly type, but he also seemed kind, funny, and thoughtful. He’s like your knight in shining armor tonight, saving you from the villains, who happen to be drunk frat guys. 

“You know, a guy once told me to never take drinks from strangers, so I don’t think I can accept this.” Despite being in a bad mood, you still find the energy to tease Seonghwa, and he responds by rolling his eyes with a smile.

“Good thing I’m not a stranger then, but a guy from your class slash guy who saved you from getting too drunk slash your best friend’s crush.” He extends his arm with the cup for you to take, and you chuckle as you accept the water. Him addressing himself as “your best friend’s crush” kicks you in the head, as you didn’t expect to suddenly feel a certain type of way about that title.

If your best friend hadn’t been crushing on Seonghwa for months, you would have allowed the caged butterflies in your stomach to break free, but you couldn’t. You’re not a bad friend.

“Good point. Thank you.” 

“What have you been doing all night? besides talking to creepy frat guys and sitting here?” Seonghwa keeps his soft eyes on you, and a deep sigh leaves between your lips. Is now the time you break to Seonghwa what you’ve been doing all night, or should you make it sound like you had the time of your life?

You decide on the first one.

“Oh, I had one hell of a night. I spent 25 minutes on the bathroom floor upstairs because I didn’t know where else to go. It has underfloor heating if that sounds tempting.” You take a sip of the water, letting the cold freshness hit you. 

“Wow, I kinda wish that was me.” He jokingly replies.

“I have something better... someone spilled this weird green substance all over my arm, which probably completely ruined my shirt. Then I walked around the house six times, went outside to get some air, and now I’m here.” You look to see his brown eyes full of amusement looking back at you, and him trying his best to hide the smile on his lips.

“You’re right, that is better.” He says, and you can’t help but chuckle at the way your night has been so far. 

Your eyes travel around the crowd, and they instantly dwell on the girl who interrupted your conversation with Seonghwa earlier. She’s standing in the crowd, surrounded by her friends, but her eyes are locked on Seonghwa. It’s obvious to you that she’s trying to get his attention, and seeing how popular Seonghwa is amongst the girls, you’re reminded of how different the two of you are.

He likes to party, he’s popular, and all the girls in school love him because of his handsome looks and welcoming personality... On the other hand, you barely know anyone, like to stay home to watch a movie by yourself, and have not once had any romantic interaction with any guy from your school.

“You seem quite popular,” You say quietly, feeling Seonghwa’s eyes on you for more context. You point to the girl on the dance floor, and as he lays his eyes on the girl, she sends him a small wave. You can’t help but look at Seonghwa to see his reaction, but he simply sends her a smile in return. Your eyes flicker between them for a moment. “Don’t let me hold you back if you wanna talk to her.”

“Hey, can I show you something?” He suddenly asks, changing the subject. His gaze goes back to you, and you look at him with squinted eyes.

“I hate these questions. It can either be a wart on the ass, a beautiful sunset, or anything in between.” Your words have him almost breaking into a laugh, but he tries his best to keep his cool.

“If I promise it isn’t a wart on my ass, will you come with me?” He asks with a raised brow. 

“I’m not sure.” 

“Suit yourself then.” He stands up from the couch like he knows you'll get up to follow him. And without looking back at you, he senses your presence behind him, and he takes you to the first floor. The crowd is much thinner up here, easier to talk.

“Alright, wait here..” He turns around to you, and you look at him patiently as he sends you a warm smile. His tall frame walks past you and heads downstairs once again, and you stand patiently in the hallway. 

What you see up here, isn’t surprising to you. Couples enter the first floor, hand in hand, find themselves in an empty room, and lock the door behind them immediately after. It doesn’t take a genius to know what’s happening behind the door, and a slight worry washes over you. What does Seonghwa want up here? Is he actually like the boys you hear about, who messes with girls at parties and leaves them right after? When is he coming back? 

And you have plenty of time to think those things through because after 25 minutes, Seonghwa is still nowhere to be seen. You’re left in the hallway, couples entering and exiting the different rooms, and you’re still leaning up against the wall Seonghwa left you at. Deciding you’ve waited enough, your feet start to move.

You decide to walk downstairs again, not knowing what to expect when he left you in the empty hallway. But when you see him talking and laughing with that girl from earlier in the middle of the crowd, you feel stupid for waiting so long.

Seonghwa is popular, and girls love him. You understand why they do, so you can’t even blame him for constantly being busy talking to people. The thoughts are quickly pushed out of your head, as you make your way upstairs again and lock yourself into the bathroom for the second time tonight. 

You don’t know how much time you spend in the bathroom, only sitting on the heated floor in your own company as you wait for a cab to arrive and take you home. You’ve decided you’d rather pay for the expensive ride home than be all alone at this party. After receiving a message that the cab is near, you open the door and surprise hits you when you see who waits on the other side. 

Seonghwa, breathing heavily like he had been running around, is leaning against the door frames, trapping you inside the bathroom. A sight of relief flashes through his eyes when he sees you, and you’re taken aback by his tall frame in front of you.

“How’d you know I was here?” You ask.

“Underfloor heating.” He simply replies, and you mentally curse at yourself for exposing your hiding place earlier. “I’ve been looking for you, why did you go?”

You take a moment to figure out how to answer, not wanting to make it sound like you're mad, because honestly, you're not. You're just tired of running around, searching for people when you'd rather be home.

“Well... you left me standing alone for 25 minutes and then I saw you downstairs talking to your friends, so I just decided to go.” The awkward smile on your lips sums up the emotions you're feeling. "It's fine though, don't worry about it."

Seonghwa’s shoulders fall and regret washes over him.

“I didn’t-..” He stops mid-sentence and looks around before making his way into the bathroom with you and locking the door behind him. The two of you are now completely alone, separating yourself from the party and blasting music downstairs. “Shit, sorry.. Hey, I didn’t mean to leave you like that. I was gonna show you the balcony but I needed the keys from one of the guys here, but then my friend Wooyoung got in a fight and this girl from before wouldn’t let me leave alone and then-”

“Seonghwa, it’s okay, you really don’t have to explain..” You interrupt Seonghwa before he loses his own breath. “You’re at a party and you should enjoy yourself with all of your friends. I promise you don’t have to feel bad, the two of us aren’t even friends. I just called a cap anyway so I’m going home.”

“Home? Where do you live?”

You tell him your address and his brows nearly shoot up in the ceiling. 

“You know how expensive a cab is gonna be from here? It’s all the way across town.” He says as if you weren’t perfectly aware of the situation.

“I don’t have much choice.” You shrug.

“You can stay?” 

“And be surrounded by strangers with no one to talk to besides creepy dudes who tryna get me drunk? No, thank you.” You scoff at the idea of staying, already surprised you aren’t home in your bed already. As much as you hate to admit it, Seonghwa was the reason why you stayed even longer, but you not knowing anyone at the party, isn't his responsibility. He should have fun with his friends. Not be your babysitter.

“Well, I’m coming with you then.” His words shoot out of his mouth and hit you like a bullet. You did not expect this answer, but you shake your head in response to him.

“No, don’t. You seem to have a great time here, and I can take a cap myself.” 

“I know you can, but I’ll have to take a cap later eventually and I don’t wanna pay all of that money. This way, we’ll split.” His reasoning does make sense, but you still feel like you’re robbing him from having fun at the party.

“Are you sure? I don’t want-”

“Come on, stop trying to convince me otherwise. Let’s just go.” Before you get to say anything, Seonghwa grabs your hand, locks your fingers with his, and opens the bathroom door. You try to ignore the way your hand feels in his, as he makes his way downstairs with you behind him, his large frame shielding you from the people in the crowd. He makes sure to look back at you, ensuring himself he isn’t losing you out of his sight again, already feeling terrible for leaving you like he did.

As he finally sees the front door, he abruptly stops when he notices the group by the exit. Your body almost crashes into his, but he’s quick to turn around and stop you. Worry flashes in his eyes, and you suddenly have no idea what to expect, but he’s quick to notice the way his action affects you and informs you of the situation.

“Alright, don’t look, but the guy, Daniel, from earlier and his friends are standing by the door... I really don’t trust them so just stay behind me. Okay?” He tries his best not to worry you, but you see the way his eyes look and you’re not certain of the situation. But despite the growing knot in your stomach, you nod before he turns around and makes his way to the front door. 

You try your best to do as Seonghwa said and stay close to him, and you have a slight hope that the group of guys won’t notice you and Seonghwa leaving, but it quickly falls to the ground when Daniel steps in front of Seonghwa. Your body hides behind Seonghwa as he just stares Daniel straight in the eyes, waiting for him to let you guys through the door.

“Hey, sorry to bother you two again, but I didn't get your name earlier.. Haven’t I seen you before?” Daniel questions, obviously trying to provoke Seonghwa in some way.

“I don’t know, your face doesn’t seem recognizable.” Seonghwa responds, only stirring the pot, trying to annoy Daniel. A scoff leaves Daniel, and you feel the knot in your stomach grow. You really want to get out of here, as you don’t feel safe around this Daniel-guy. 

You squeeze Seonghwa’s hand in yours, trying to get his attention. “Seonghwa-”

“Ohhhh, now I know! You’re the Seonghwa. Park Seonghwa, the one who is friends with San and Wooyoung!” Daniel shouts, interrupting you. You notice how people have started gathering around you like they’re waiting for something to happen. This only makes you even more nervous about the situation, and Seonghwa instantly notices your reaction to the crowd around you.

“Listen, if you have anything going on with them, it’s not my problem. Just let us get out of here.” Seonghwa’s words are soft like he doesn’t want to make the situation worse. 

“Of course... Can you just give this to your friends then?” Daniel holds out a closed fist, waiting for Seonghwa to hold out his hand. But before Seonghwa gets to react, Daniel swings his arm and a punch is thrown at Seonghwa’s face. A loud gasp flies out of your mouth, and your free hand covers your mouth in shock. Your heart is beating faster than ever, almost messing up your breathing.

Seonghwa’s body turns, and he hunches over from the hit. His free hand goes to his mouth, where the salty, metallic taste of blood hits him. 

“Tell your friends I said hi.” Daniel takes a step forward, hunching down close to Seonghwa as he speaks hushed to Seonghwa only. “I know the people around you, Seonghwa... I’ve seen your little girlfriend now too, so don’t fuck with me.” Daniel bites before making his way through the big crowd of people, now surrounding you. Seonghwa removes his hand to see blood coming from his lip, and for a split second, he almost loses his cool. 

Daniel's friends follow him, a few of them knocking their shoulders into Seonghwa purposefully, before they all disappear into the crowd. Whispers from the staring eyes surrounding you start, and Seonghwa stands up straight before heading in the direction Daniel went. As he takes the first step, he feels a pull from his hand, and when he turns around, his heart almost breaks.

You stand before him, tears forming in your eyes, silently begging him not to go after the group. Everything stops when he sees the look in your eyes. You look scared, concerned, worried. It breaks his heart in a way he never expected, so he squeezes your hand, still in his, and looks you soft in the eyes.

“Let’s go.” He says before dragging you with him out of the house, leaving the chaotic scene. The cap is outside waiting for you, and Seonghwa helps you inside before getting in the cap himself. He tells the driver your address, remembering from when you told him before and he looks at you concerned. “Hey, are you okay?”

Your gaze shoots at him, slightly confused with his question. “Am I okay? You just got punched in the face.”

“I’m fine... But you’re crying.” 

You hadn’t noticed your tears before he mentioned it, and you rub your eyes, removing the evidence. The sight of Seonghwa getting punched in the face replays in your head.

“It looked scary... Seeing you being punched like that.” You don’t know what to say, looking down at your hands, resting on your lap. You feel the rush of guilt over you for having Seonghwa interact with Daniel tonight because of you. 

“I’ll just put some ice on it when I get home. It’ll probably bruise a little, but that’s all.” He tries searching for your gaze, but you keep avoiding him.

A silence fills the car, the only sound coming from the low radio in the cap. The streetlights pass you as you’re on your way home. After hours of being in the house with loud music, it should feel relieving to sit in the silence of the car. But your mind is running wild, thoughts louder than any music.

Seonghwa is about to open his mouth to say something, but you beat him to it.

“You do this a lot? Get into fights? If I hadn’t pulled you back I’m scared you would’ve gotten into a real fight.” You finally get the courage to look at him, and he immediately shakes his head.

“No... I would’ve told him to leave us alone. Leave you alone.” He replies softly, but you still have questions flooding your mind.

“Why did he want to fight? Are your friends.. dangerous?” 

Seonghwa seems taken aback by your questions and shakes his head again.

“Noo, no no, not at all! San and Wooyoung just like to pull pranks on people, and some people take their pranks a little more seriously than they intend to.” Seonghwa begins explaining, not wanting to hide anything from you. “Remember the fight I told you Wooyoung got in earlier? It was with one of the guys from Daniel's friend group, and I guess Daniel and his friends are some of those people who take their pranks a little too personally.” He tries reading the look on your face, but the cap is dark, only lit up by the streetlights outside. But the silence coming from you is enough for him to know how you feel. “I’ll talk to San tomorrow and make sure this won’t happen again. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

A heavy sigh escapes Seonghwa as he runs his fingers through his hair, the weighing feeling on his shoulders feels unbearable as the night escalated from the beginning. From the moment he saw you, he felt like he needed to protect you. Step in and make you feel safe and comfortable at the party. But as he kept talking to you, he found himself not wanting to go from you. But he kept doing so. He kept messing it up for himself, and he couldn’t stop mentally cursing at himself for doing this to you. For ruining your night, when all you deserved was a simple friend to hang out with.

He’s about to open his mouth and apologize for making your night shitty, but your words stop him.

“Please let me help you with your lip, you need to get some ice on that. That’s the least I can do.”

Confusion hits him, not sure he heard you right.

“What do you mean? This didn’t happen because of you.” He points at his mouth, blood still visible from the busted lip.

“But I feel like if I hadn’t talked to him, you wouldn’t have had to step in and save me from getting dead drunk. Please, I really want to help, you can also sleep on the couch if you wanna stay over. I have a pretty good couch if I do say so myself.” 

Seonghwa doesn’t know what to say. His eyes just soften even more at the sight of you blaming yourself for something out of your control. 

“But-”

“Seonghwa.” You insist again, not backing down. The guilt is taking up most of the space in your stomach, so you need him to accept your offer. He looks at you for a moment, trying to see who of the two of you backs down first. But a deep sigh leaves between Seonghwa’s lips as he realizes how stubborn you are.

“Sure.”

Silence surrounds the both of you for the rest of the ride to your apartment complex, and you feel him follow you as you exit the cap and make your way to your apartment. None of you said a word to the other in the elevator to your floor, both exhausted from the chaotic night. You unlock your front door as he awaits behind you, and he takes in the sight of your home when you both enter.

“Just... act like you’re home, you can get comfortable on the couch while I find something for your lip.” You throw your keys and purse on the small table in the hallway, before disappearing into the kitchen. 

Seonghwa slowly makes his way further into your apartment while you find what’s necessary. You find some frozen peas in your freezer and wrap the bag in a towel so I won’t be too cold on his lip. Having Seonghwa in your apartment was definitely not something you ever expected to happen, but your mind is running on survival mode after the chaotic night. You also find some vaseline for the wound, along with some saltwater. 

As you enter the living room, Seonghwa is studying the pictures decorating your wall. His relaxed figure, hands resting in his front pockets as he studies the pictures with a small smile. 

He seems too focused on the decor in your apartment to notice your presence. “Seonghwa,” You say and he turns around, immediately looking at you with the cleaning kit you’ve gathered. “Couch.” 

“Yes, boss.” Despite the weird tension from the fight, he still manages to tease you as you both get comfortable on the couch. You turn on a small lamp behind the couch to get a better view of his wound, and you start rinsing his lip with the saltwater. 

He winces at the touch, and you look apologetic at him as you continue to remove the dried blood from his lip. You try to make it quick, not wanting him to be in more pain, and quickly put pressure on the lip with the frozen peas. 

“Hold this.” You say.

Seonghwa goes to grab the bag and his large hand covers yours while doing so. You can’t help but notice how small your hand is compared to his, and the warmth from his adds a significant contrast to the frozen peas, freezing in your palm. Shocked by the feeling he gives you, you pull your hand away, leaving him to hold the peas alone against his lip.

“It feels nice,” His voice gets deeper as he relaxes on your couch and leans back. “You really are an angel, aren't you?” There's a teasing in his voice, but the words have a bigger chokehold on you than you would like to admit. 

Seonghwa’s eyes close, and you take this opportunity to really study his features, and the first thing you notice is how incredibly handsome he is. His black hair looks more messy compared to the beginning of the night, now constantly resting before his eyes. He hasn’t done anything to fix it for a while, and a part of you wants to remove it, but the messy look suits him better than ever. 

He looks so soft relaxing against the pillows on your couch, the light behind you perfectly highlighting certain parts of his face. His lips are slightly parted, long eyelashes resting on the top of his cheekbones and his breathing gets softer the more relaxed he is. 

Before you catch yourself doing something you might regret, you shake your head to yourself and look away from him.

“Thank you for helping me tonight. My impression of you has only gotten better.” You say, breaking the silence. Tonight’s party left you with a weird feeling, but if it hadn’t been for Seonghwa, you wouldn’t even imagine what would have happened to you.

His eyes open, instantly focusing on you with a soft look. 

“Did you have a bad impression of me before?” He asks curiously. 

“No, not at all. Tonight just confirmed that you don’t fit into the popular-asshole-category. More the popular-nice-guy-category.” Your shoulders lift to a shrug, and your eyes lock in the dimmed light. You notice a flash of something unknown in his eyes as the words leave your mouth. He gets silent once again, looking away from you before taking a deep breath.

“I don’t see myself as popular thought.” He admits. You suddenly wish he could see himself from your perspective. This man was the blueprint of the perfect, popular guy. Has many friends, is nice, is invited to all the parties, everyone knows him. Not to forget all the girls searching for his attention. 

“Are you serious? The amount of girls I saw drooling over you tonight, is actually insane.” 

“Yeah, but they just want me to fuck them,” His eyes shoot back at you. “It’s only superficial from their side.” 

You’re taken aback by the way this conversation is going, not knowing how to respond. There’s a subtle hint of hurt in his voice, but also acceptance. Like this is just the way it is. 

“Sounds like you’ve got some experience with that.” You say.

“Mhm.. That’s how it is with these people,” He shrugs, still relaxing against the big cushions on the couch, letting his eyes travel away from you to gather his thoughts. “You party at the same house, with the same people with the same mindset, every weekend. Maybe, you find someone interesting, take them to an empty room, and you fuck each other. Then you walk out of there and don’t talk until the next party, where you fuck again. These people want to feel love, but they don’t actually want it.” 

The way he talks about the parties sounds similar to how your best friend describes them. She loves the chaotic energy it brings, how people are kind of the same, looking for the same thing. But Seonghwa’s description doesn’t sound as appealing as when she talks about it. And it all reminds you again, why you aren’t going to these parties every weekend.

“Do you want it?” You ask. “Love?”

“I want it with the right person,” He still looks away from you, letting out his thoughts. “I used to like this environment. Going to parties, having girls throw themselves at me, feeling like I could get whatever I wanted without having to make an effort. It made me feel.. powerful. But I also started to feel used. Like I wasn’t more than a good fuck to them.”

He then looks back at you, and you now understand where the hurt in his voice came from. 

Never had you expected this about Seonghwa, he always seemed like he thrived in the popularity and the benefits that came with it. 

But maybe he was right. It is all superficial.

“Well, not to be that person, but I feel like they’re missing out if they don’t get to know you.” You send him a smile, trying your best to light the mood with the truth in your words. 

“And you say that like you know me.” His lips tug into a smirk.

“I feel like I’m starting to have a pretty good idea of who you are.”

“And who am I?”

You take a moment to think, considering the pros and cons of telling him.

“I don’t wanna say, in case I’m wrong and it bites me in the ass.” Your words leave him smiling. This side of Seonghwa is the purest you’ve seen so far. 

In class, he’s usually very talkative and once again, popular. But this Seonghwa, who’s opening up to you like you’ve known each other for years, has a depth you have never seen in him. And the more you get to know him, the less you understand how someone can sleep with him and not feel the need to know him for him. 

Just by the conversations you’ve shared tonight, you’re intrigued by his welcoming personality, his need to protect the ones around him, and his warm smile. 

You look away from his eyes and down to the frozen bag of peas, still pressed against his lip. “How does your lip feel?”

“Swollen. Is it?” He removes the bag and turns his head so you can get a better view of the busted lip. The light from the lamp behind you doesn’t really do its justice, and only creates shadows from your heads instead. 

“Turn your head to the light,” You guide him, and he turns again but it doesn’t help. “Here, let me.” 

You gently grab a hold of his face and scoop closer to him as you turn his head. The light perfectly shows you the condition of his lip, and you do your best to see any swelling. But the more you look at his lips, you can’t seem to look away. 

They’re slightly parted, and as he gently relaxes in your hands, you can’t help but realize how perfect they look. The color, the shape. Everything comes together, and you suddenly wonder how it would be to be kissed by those lips. How soft of a kiss he would leave on your lips, or how they could leave traces of kisses down your skin. All while speaking with the mildness in his voice, and the gentle touch from his fingers travel over you.

You suddenly realize where your thoughts were taking you, and you look up to his eyes, to see him stare back at you. 

Heart pounding hard against your chest, you let go of his face and scoop away from him on the couch.

“Uhm, it looks okay, just make sure to put on the Vaseline and you’ll be good,” You stand up from the couch and point to the blankets next to him. “There are blankets and pillows on the couch, so make yourself at home, and if you need anything just knock on my door.” You rub your palms on your hips, trying to get rid of the sweatiness.

Seonghwa looks up at you from the couch, sending you a smile.

“Alright. Thank you.” 

Not knowing what to do and mentally cursing yourself for having those thoughts about him, you quickly make your way to your bedroom. 

“Goodnight, Seonghwa.” 

“Goodnight, angel.”

***

Nervous to open the door from your bedroom, you take a deep breath before pulling down the handle. Silence rings in the hallway leading to the living room where Seonghwa slept for the night. 

Your roaming mind had Seonghwa as the main character in your thoughts the entire night. After getting closer to each other last night, you had no idea how to behave normally in the morning. But you slowly made your way down the hallway, towards the living room, expecting to see Seonghwa on the couch. But when you peek your head out, afraid to wake him up in case he is still sleeping, you see an empty couch, blankets nicely folded and pillows perfectly lined up. 

Your brows come together in question at the sight, but you quickly notice what awaits you on the small table by the couch. You step closer to see a coffee and a small brown bag with a sticky note attached to it. 

Confusion speaks for itself when you grab the sticky note from the bag and look around the living room before reading.

Good morning! Hope you slept well! :) My boss called me.. Someone called in sick and  they needed one asap, so I had to step in.. Sorry to leave out of the blue, but I made a quick  run to the cafe on the corner and bought you some breakfast as a thank you for the help last night! 

Have a good day, angel

A smile creeps up on your lips as you read the note. Curiosity washes over you and you open the small brown bag, to find a bun and a chocolate muffin waiting for you. You look at the iced coffee, still cold with ice slowly melting, indicating he didn’t leave a long time ago. 

Once again, you feel a warmth in your body, and you slowly allow the caged butterflies to escape. 

***

New week, same school day, same seat. Nothing feels different when you sit in your classroom, on Monday morning, waiting for the day to start. You’ve gathered the things you need for the first class, writing some notes in your notebook when you feel a presence looking at you.

“Hi...” Your best friend says, looking guilty. 

You haven’t spoken to her since she left you at the party, and you would lie if you said you weren’t a little disappointed in her for ditching you the way she did.

You simply give her a cold smile and look back down at your notes. She knows you well, and you’re not furious with her - she knows that. It takes a lot for you to get actually angry at people, but she deserved the cold shoulder for a bit

“I’m so sorry for disappearing at the party,” She sits down on the chair next to you. “Really, that was so shitty of me.”

“Yes, it was.”

“I promise it won’t happen again.” Her whole body is turned towards you as you are silently giving her the side-eye, but as mad as you try to be, you can’t. You genuinely want to show her how disappointed you are, but if she hadn’t left you at the party, you wouldn’t have spoken to Seonghwa in the first place. Her crush. So not saying you’re happy she left you, but you definitely see the positive in this situation, which in this case happens to be a dark-haired boy with a busted lip. 

“Hm..” You respond, looking back in your notes. 

You feel her eyes on you for a moment, before she leans forward and whispers in your ear.

“Mingi and I really had fun though, he’s so sweet.” The smile is evident in her voice, and you finally turn your head to look at her.

“Well, I’m glad ditching me had its benefits.” Your words seem to finally get her to understand the situation, and she takes a moment to read your eyes and feel the disappointment.

“I’m sorry.. Really.” Her voice softens, filled with genuine guilt and you send her a broken smile.

“It’s fine.”

You both exchange warm looks before she unpacks and you both silently decide to move on.

“Did you have fun at the party, though? Did you talk to anyone?” She asks, back to normal like nothing happened. 

You freeze for a moment, deciding if you should lie or tell the truth. You still hadn’t decided if you should ever tell her that you had her crush staying over at your place and that he happened to be your knight in shining armor. You know she’s been crushing on a few guys from school, some more than others, but you also know that Seonghwa is one of her favorites. Multiple times, she has opened up about how bad she wants him and that he’s, quote on quote; “Made for her”. If you tell her the situation, you’re scared she’ll get mad at you for breaking the girl code. 

Your friend’s crush is off limits.

You know you haven’t done anything wrong, and nothing happened between you and Seonghwa, so you decide there's no need for her to know about anything.

“I talked to a few here and there.” Is all you say about the situation.

“How did you get home? Did you take a cab by yourself? I hope it wasn’t too expensive.” 

Once again, you take a moment to figure out what to answer, without saying her crush actually paid for the shared ride home to your apartment.

“I shared a cap with someone who was going the same way as me.” You respond, hoping she won’t ask further, but you quickly notice she’s barely listening.

“He’s so fucking hot...” She mumbles, and your eyes search for whoever her gaze is locked on, but you quickly realize when you see who enters the room. 

Seonghwa is walking into the classroom with his bag hanging on his shoulder and messy black wavy hair. He’s wearing a shaded blue denim jacket with a white tee underneath and black loose jeans. He looks so put together, even if he isn’t even trying, and for the first time since you started school, you’ve become one of those girls who stare at him when he enters the class. 

You expect him to sit at his usual seat on the other side of the room, but he confidently walks past it and towards your side. This catches your attention even more, leaving you and your best friend in awe as you see him walk closer to you. 

Seonghwa finds a seat a few seats in front of you, and as he swings the bag of his shoulder, his eyes meet yours. 

They’re warm and he locks his gaze on you while a smile creeps up on his lips. You can’t help but smile back like you’re both silently saying hello to each other through your eyes. This is the first time you’ve made eye contact with Seonghwa in class, and you can’t seem to look away while he smiles at you. 

But trying not to be too obvious, you force yourself to look away before he sits down, and your gaze goes to the notebook in front of you.

“Did you see that?” You hear your best friend say.

“What?”

“He smiled at me.” Your eyes shoot to her, confused to see her stare at Seonghwa who now sits down in his seat, back facing you. Not being able to open your mouth and tell her that he was actually smiling at you, you bite your words and start scribbling on your notebook.

“Oh.. I didn’t see.”

“Did you hear he got into a fight at the party?” She leans towards you, ready to start gossiping. 

A fight. The party. Daniel.

In panic, you shake your head and pretend you didn’t witness it, front row.

“Shit, I hoped you had seen it so you could tell me the details. But people say it was about a girl.” 

“What?”

People? Are people talking? About you? And Seonghwa?

“I know, that’s what I said. A girl was with him when it happened but they apparently left right after. They don’t know who she is, probably just someone’s plus one.” She shrugs and starts scribbling something in her own notebook.

You feel horrible knowing the exact situation, and not being able to tell your best friend the details. But one of the reasons you also hated these parties was the drama. The newest gossip after a spicy weekend. People always had something to say, and you didn’t want to be the next hot topic.

“What about you and Mingi, though? You’re gonna start seeing him?” You look at her, trying to change the subject. It seems to work because your best friend just shrugs as she looks unbothered by the whole situation. 

“Nah, you know how I am. I’m not looking for anything serious, I like to have my options open.” She wiggles her eyebrows at you, and Seonghwa's words replay in your mind. 

Maybe, you find someone interesting, take them to an empty room, and you fuck each other. Then you walk out of there and don’t talk until the next party, where you fuck again. These people want to feel love, but they don’t actually want it.

It leaves another taste in your mouth when you know how Seonghwa has opened up to you about how he feels, about going to these parties. 

But I also started to feel used. Like I wasn’t more than a good fuck to them.

You had a certain respect for your best friend for doing whatever she wanted, but you also found Seonghwa’s feelings valid. There had to be a downside to the popularity and girls wanting to sleep with you without attachments. 

Your thoughts about Saturday's events are slowly replaced when class starts, and the focus is on the teacher in front of the whiteboard. Class goes by rather quickly, and students then leave the classroom to go to the next one. Having to exchange the books for the new class, you make your way to your locker, after agreeing to meet your best friend at the classroom.

You’re in your own world when a tall frame suddenly stands beside you. 

“Hey.” Seonghwa’s warm voice slightly surprises you. This is the first time you’ve spoken in school, and somehow, it almost feels illegal.

“Oh... Hi.”

“I just wanted to apologize for disappearing yesterday without saying goodbye. I just didn’t want to wake you up.” You can see the clear guilt in his eyes, and you immediately shake your head as you grab the new books from your locker. 

“Don’t worry about it, It’s totally fine. I appreciated the breakfast though.” 

He somehow seems taller today, looking down at you. His sharp features look as perfect as they did on Saturday, his eyes looking like the entire universe could fit into them. 

“Yeah, I thought I had to thank you in some way for letting me stay the night. And for taking care of my lip.” 

You notice the dark mark on his lip as he talks, the wound already healing. 

“I think my frozen peas did most of the work, but you’re welcome. Does it hurt?” You still can’t help but feel a little guilty for him getting punched in the face, but you’re glad to see it heal this fast.

“No, it’s only a bit bruised, but I’ll be as good as new in a few days. Will I see you at the party on Friday?” He relaxes with his hands in his pockets as he leans up against the lockers.

You realize again how he has this typical popular-boy-charm. He looks cool and could make anyone believe he could have the world in his hands if he wanted to. 

“Uhm.. I don’t usually party multiple weekends in a row.”

“I know, that’s why I’m asking.”

He’s quick with his words, and he doesn’t hide the smirk on his bruised lip as he smiles at you. You take a moment to think.

“I have to work, so I can’t.” You excuse, while actually telling the truth. 

“Oh, where do you work?” A small wrinkle forms between his brows.

“At the mall, I have a closing shift... But I hope you’ll have fun at the party though. As much as I appreciate you keeping me company last Saturday, I think it’s good you get to spend time with your friends instead of taking care of me, who apparently doesn’t know how to take care of myself.” You laugh at yourself, trying to make light of the situation, and before Seonghwa can answer, someone snatches his attention. 

“Hwa!” Seonghwa’s friend group all stare at the two of you talking, some of them indicating him to come as they are headed to class. 

“l have to go.. I’ll see you around?” He slowly backs away and doesn’t turn around until you nod and he sends a smile in your direction, as he runs after his friends.

***

Another sigh leaves you as you look away from the words written in your book. You don't know how long your eyes have been going over the same sentence, trying to get the words to stick to your brain, but it’s simply impossible at this point. 

Your eyes travel around the library from your seat, looking at the multiple other students here to expand their knowledge. The old books decorating the walls around you help with concentration, almost as if you feel bad for not studying while they’re watching. 

You take off your headphones, needing a break from studying when a conversation from the other side of the shelf steals your focus. 

“Girl, come on. Are you really surprised at this point? Have you seen him?.” A female voice says. 

“Right, I hooked up with him once and I swear I couldn’t walk normally for days.” Another voice says. 

The typical drama flooding around wasn’t new, especially not in the library. People seem to think it's the perfect place to sit in silence and gossip, clearly not aware that everyone else hears the conversation as well. You weren’t in the mood to hear someone talk like this about someone else, and you had been studying for a few hours already. Deciding this is your cue to leave, you start to pack your things while the gossiping continues on the other side. 

“Am I right? Who would’ve thought that nice personality held back a demon in Seonghwa.“

You immediately freeze when you hear Seonghwa’s name in the conversation. Were they talking about him?

“For real! Without a doubt the best guy I've been with. I mean have you seen his hands?” 

Your thoughts immediately go to the thought of Seonghwa’s hands, how his hand covered yours when holding the bag of peas on his lip. How big they were, slender fingers making everything he does look so elegant.

Feeling a weird sensation in your stomach from this information, you decide to speed up and get out of the library before you hear another word. 

The heat in your cheeks turns into a light shade of pink as you step outside, deciding to make your way home. In need of fresh air, you let your legs guide you toward your apartment complex.

Overhearing those girls’ conversation about Seonghwa left you with thoughts you didn’t know existed in your mind. Seonghwa had been nothing but nice to you since the party, and of course, you agreed that he was beyond handsome. But after hearing what they had to say about him, only enhanced the number of thoughts about him.

I hooked up with him once and I swear I couldn’t walk normally for days.

Shaking the thoughts out of your head, you decide to walk the rest of the way home, in desperate need of fresh air.

***

You didn’t think a week could go this slow. School was as boring as ever, and every day looked the same. Except, the new ‘same’ was that Seongwha and you had small interactions during the week. A smile here and there, a wave when seeing each other, and small talk by the lockers. 

You had a feeling that Seonghwa knew you didn’t want your best friend to ask you about your growing friendship with him, so he only came to talk whenever you were alone. It wasn’t that you were trying to hide the fact that you and Seonghwa were slowly becoming friends, but you knew she would question you if she knew. She would ask questions about every single thing about him, all in hopes that you would help her hook up with him, and you simply weren't interested in that.

Seonghwa was becoming a friend of yours, a friendship you never expected to happen, but you didn’t mind it in the slightest. 

But that doesn't mean your mind hasn’t drifted to the conversation you overheard in the library. 

When talking to Seonghwa, you’ve caught yourself looking awfully much at his hands. Or when he was sitting in class, you’d admire him a little more than you’d like to admit. 

You didn’t think it meant anything, but you definitely didn’t plan on sharing those thoughts with anyone either.

It’s finally Friday, and you’re closing off at your closing shift. The mall closed at eight, but you had to make sure everything was ready for the morning shift, so you walked out around 8:30. Not having anything to do after work, you took your sweet time finishing up. Your fingers tapped your phone screen, trying to find the perfect song in your headphones as you made your way out of the mall and towards the bus stop. The chilly late summer night air hit you as you stepped outside, finally finding a song you’re satisfied with. 

You look up but immediately stop in your tracks. 

On a bench, outside the mall in front of the parking lot, Seonghwa is sitting by himself, fiddling with his fingers. There’s not a single person in sight, making Seonghwa stand out. Your brows shoot together in confusion as you watch him. He’s in his own world and you slowly make your way towards him. 

The sound of your feet against the concrete makes his head shoot up and his gaze direct at you. A smile tugs on his lips, and he lifts his hand to send you a wave.

“What are you doing here?” You ask him, stopping a few meters away from him.

“I’m waiting for you to get off work.” He stands up from the bench before taking a few steps towards you.

You notice how the scrape on his lip is practically gone already.

“I thought you were going to the party.”

“I was. Was there for 10 minutes, realized it was boring as hell, drove home, and waited for the mall to close so I could pick you up.” He makes it sound like it was the most normal thing for him to do.

“You really didn’t have to.”

“I know,” Seonghwa sends you a smile and starts walking towards his black car, parked only a few meters away. “Come on, just accept my offer and let me give you a ride home, it’s late and it’s dark,” He opens the door to the passenger seat and looks at you, frozen in your place. “I won’t bite, I promise.”

You eventually get in his car, and he’s quick to get in the driver’s seat. You immediately notice the car is neat, and clean and smells like Seonghwa. He turns on the car and starts driving towards the parking lot exit.

“Have you eaten?” He asks, eyes still on the road.

“I had a snack.”

“A snack? Come on, a snack won’t do it.” He drives onto the main road, in the direction of your apartment.

“I’ll eat when I get home.” You roll your eyes at him teasingly.

“I know a good place, I hope you’re up for trying for the best milkshake in your life.” He makes a u-turn and you’re suddenly headed towards an unknown location. 

“Seonghwa.” You look at him, a hint of seriousness in your voice. It isn’t that you have anything better to do, but you aren’t mentally prepared to hang out with him. You don’t feel like you look your best, and you don’t want to steal his time.

“What?” He flickers his gaze from you to the road. His boba-looking black eyes meet yours for a second before looking straight ahead, and when you quickly notice the glimpse in them, it’s like you can’t say no to him. He looks so full of excitement, that you swallow your words and send him a smile.

“Nothing.”

Seonghwa drove you both to a diner, a little outside of town. You’ve never been here before, but the neon sign and the old-school 60’s aesthetic left an evident impression on you. Seonghwa opens the door for you, and you’re immediately hit with the feeling that you just stepped into the movie 'Grease'. 

You’re met with black and white checkered floor, red booths, and a jukebox in the corner. Seonghwa’s excitement is through the roof as he guides you towards one of the booths further down the diner, with his hand on the small of your back.

You try your best not to pay too much attention to how his touch makes you feel, and quickly focus on something else. You sit down across from each other, the two of you being the only ones there, except the elderly gentleman in the corner, reading a paper. 

You’re reading the menu when a waitress comes over, and you immediately notice the way she looks at Seonghwa.

“Hi, welcome.” Her flirtatious voice speaks. She has bright red lips, a dress that covers just the top of her thigh, and an apron tied around her waist, making her curves more visible. 

“Hi.” Seonghwa smiles, taking his focus from the menu to the waitress.

“What can I get for you?” 

“Can I have the medium cheeseburger menu, please?” Seonghwa asks as he points to the menu. 

“Of course.” She responds as she writes down his order on her notepad. You wait until it’s your turn to order, but as silence surrounds you and you notice how she’s just staring at you, you come to your senses. 

“Uhm.. I’ll just have the small fry menu, thank you.” 

She writes down your order in silence, and you feel awkward, sitting across Seonghwa as this waitress barely notices you.

“Would you like,” The waitress looks Seonghwa up and down. “Anything else?”

A part of you wants to laugh at the scene playing in front of your eyes, watching Seonghwa and this waitress flirt with each other. Seonghwa scans the menu card like he doesn’t know it front to back.

“Do you still have the chocolate milkshake with the drizzle and strawberries on top?” He asks, looking up at the waitress.

“No, we don’t actually..” She shakes her head for a second but takes a short moment to think before speaking up again. “Not officially, at least, but I can make it for you anyway? It’ll be our secret.” She bites her bottom lip and for some reason, you have to fight everything in you not to roll your eyes and scoff. 

“Really? That would be amazing.” Seonghwa responds, handing her your menus.

“Anytime.. Let me know if I can help you with anything else. Can I ask what your name is?”

“I’m Seonghwa.”

“I’ll be right back with your milkshake, Seonghwa.” She sends her last smile before disappearing into the kitchen. Seonghwa looks at you satisfied, not realizing how his conversation looked to everyone but him and the waitress.

“I see why you like coming here.” You say.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” You mumble and look away, out the window. There’s a huge neon sign with the diner’s logo on the parking lot, shining through the windows. The low music from the jukebox is playing 60’s instrumentals, making sure to give the customers the full diner experience. 

“Because she flirted with me?” You look at him to see his smirk. He’s staring intensely at you, slightly enjoying seeing the way you try to avoid his eyes. You respond with a nod and a “mhm.”

“Did I flirt back?” He asks, squinting his eyes at you. There’s a small hint of jealousy in your stomach as you talk about this, him talking with this girl who’s obviously very into him, but you obviously don’t let that side of you out. 

“I don’t know how you are when you flirt.” You shrug. 

“Are you sure?” lifting an eyebrow at you. You want to say yes, but the way he’s looking at you, makes you doubt everything you know. Your silence is enough of an answer for Seonghwa, and he rolls his eyes. “To answer my own question; no, I didn’t flirt with her. I’m surprised you couldn’t tell.” 

“I haven’t known you for long, how should I know?” You almost want to laugh at how ridiculous this conversation seems.

“You don’t have to know me for long to know.” His words shut you up, and you stare at him, sitting confidently on the other side of the booth. The way he’s in some blatantly obvious way flirting with you, somehow makes you doubt everything. It’s like you can’t wrap your head around the fact that he’s so forward with his words. You don’t get to say more before the waitress comes back and places a chocolate milkshake on the table. 

“Here’s your milkshake, Seonghwa. Your food will be ready in 10 minutes, let me know if I can do anything else for you.” She sends him a warm smile again, not once acknowledging your presence. 

“Thank you,” He smiles back at her when she walks away, and immediately leans over the table to lower his voice as he speaks. “I didn’t even know she worked here. I’m usually assisted by my friend Barbara, running on her 68th year. The reason why I like coming here is because of this heavenly milkshake I just ordered for us. They only have it once in a while, but if you’re with me, you can get it all the time.” He leans back in the booth, looking more confident than ever.

“Must be nice having pretty privilege when it comes to milkshakes.” You tease, and he looks up at you, trying to hide his laugh.

“I don’t know what I think about your cocky attitude when I’m taking you out to dinner and picking you up from work.”

“I didn’t ask you to do either of those things.”

“No, you didn’t. And yet you still claim you don’t know how I flirt,” He pushes the milkshake closer to you, as you stare at him, not knowing how to react to his words. “Here, try it. Try it and tell me it’s not the best thing you’ve ever tasted on your tongue.”

You squint your eyes at him, before dragging the chocolate milkshake closer to you. It’s tall, has the perfect color of a chocolate milkshake, has a mix of different drizzles, and has three bright red strawberries decorated on top. You lean forward to take a sip from the straw, and an overwhelming flavor bursts in your mouth.

“Oh, it’s good.” You admit.

“I know, right? All thanks to my pretty privilege.”

You and Seonghwa spend more time at the diner than you thought you would, talking about everything and nothing. During the hours across from each other in the red booth, you ended up realizing that this was the best way you could spend the night.

You were now in the car on the way home, and summer rain had started pouring against the windows. Pools of water decorate the streets, mirroring the light from the street lamps.

“So,” You start, looking at Seonghwa from the passenger seat. “You’re giving parties a new chance tomorrow?” You’re not searching for a specific answer, but after he opened up to you last weekend, you’re curious about him going to the parties.

“I’m not sure. The guys and I are talking about having a small get-together, just the few of us. You should come, bring your friend too.” He says, looking relaxed as he drives you home. 

“I don’t know.. These social things still intimidate me.” You don’t see yourself going to any of these parties for a while. 

“It’s more lowkey than the parties, I swear.” He sends you a smile and hands you his phone from the center console. “Put your number in my phone, I’ll text you the details if you decide to come.” 

You slowly grab his phone from his hand, surprised by how relaxed he seems. It’s already unlocked, and you’re about to make a new contact when his phone suddenly rings. The caller ID is a girl's name, and you freeze, not knowing what to do.

“Oh.. Someone’s calling.” You say, showing Seonghwa the screen.

“Just press ignore.” He answers quickly.

“Are you sure?”

He nods as he keeps his focus on the road, driving through the puddles on the road. You continue where you left off, adding your number, but the girl’s name appears on the screen again as another call goes in. 

The fact that a girl is calling him, shortly throws you off. It’s probably not new for him to have girls hit him up constantly, but it makes you feel awkward.

Seonghwa notices how you freeze with the phone in your hands. The car stops at a red light, and you hand him the phone while it’s still calling. You try not to snoop too much, but you can’t help but watch from the side of your eye, what he does. He ignores the call again, goes to the girl’s contact, and blocks the number, before handing you the phone again. 

“There.” He says.

You finish adding your number to his contacts, saving it under your name, just as another call goes in. This time from Wooyoung, as the screen reads.

“Now Wooyoung is calling.” You show Seonghwa the screen and he makes an annoyed sound.

“You gotta be kidding me..” He gently grabs the phone from your hand, answers the call, and puts it on speaker before placing the phone on the center console. “What?” He asks into the phone.

“Where the fuck are you?” Wooyoung’s voice almost sounds panicked.

“I left.”

“What? Bro, you need to come back. ‘You know who’ keeps asking for you and I’m about to lose my fucking mind.” Wooyoung explains, but Seonghwa’s face doesn’t show a care in the world, as the light turns green.

“Not my problem, I’m not coming back.”

“Why? Where are you?” Wooyoung’s question hangs in the air for a moment before Seonghwa sighs deeply.

“At your mom's, see you tomorrow.”

“WHAT DO YOU-” Wooyoung’s voice is cut short when Seonghwa ends the call. The childish behavior they seem to have makes you hold back a laugh. You haven’t spoken to Wooyoung before, only knowing him as one of the popular guys, but what you’ve gathered about him so far, really sums up a chaotic personality.

“And that’s how you deal with that. Did you put your number in?” Seonghwa asks, glancing at you as he holds out his phone with a smile. It's dark outside, but his teeth still shine so brightly when he’s smiling. His entire face lights up when he smiles, making the darkness brighter.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” 

The drive home is quick from that point on, and Seonghwa offers to follow you to the door but to save him from getting drenched, you convince him not to. You’re quick to run inside to hide yourself from the rain, managing to get inside without getting soaked. 

In your own world, you get ready to sleep. It’s gotten late, and you’re exhausted from school, work, and late dinner with Seonghwa.

You get under your covers, ready to lay with your phone for a while before actually getting some sleep when your lips curl into a smile from a received text.  

Unknown Goodnight, Angel

It takes you no time to figure out who sent the message, and you reply as the butterflies slowly spread throughout your body.

You Goodnight, Hwa

***

You have no idea what you’re doing. You promised yourself a relaxed weekend, without any parties or anything close to it, and you kept that promise for the most part! You had initially texted Seonghwa that you wouldn’t come to the get-together, but thanked him for inviting you.

Partially because telling your friend that Seonghwa invited you, would indicate you and Seonghwa had contact, and you weren’t ready for that conversation with your best friend yet. But you didn’t expect your best friend to hit you up Saturday evening, inviting you to a small get-together at Mingi’s place. 

After she sent you the information, you immediately realized it was the same information Seonghwa had given you. This changed something, the fear of missing out suddenly hit you. Therefore, at the last second, you decided to accept your best friend's offer and join her at Mingi’s, but promising yourself not to drink too much. 

“Come on in!” Mingi says as he opens the door further. When stepping through the front door, you hear music and voices from further into the apartment. Mingi’s apartment is bigger than you thought, as you expected a small dorm, but are instead met with a rather big apartment. The decor is very minimal, the most he’s done is plastering a few posters up here and there. You feel a flip in your stomach at the thought of seeing Seonghwa in a few seconds but you quickly push the thought away when your best friend grabs your arm and drags you into the living room.

You’re met with four guys sitting in the living room, and your eyes immediately notice Seonghwa. He’s leaning back on the couch, a slight tug on his lips from listening to the conversation before him, and in a black hoodie with baggy jeans.

His eyes travel to you, a flash of something apparent in them for a second and slight confusion written on his face. The confusion is quickly replaced by a smile spreading on his lips, probably still a little confused by seeing you since you texted him you weren’t coming. 

You feel his eyes on you as you look around to see the other guys, San sharing the couch with Seonghwa and Wooyoung sitting by Seonghwa’s legs on the floor. Mingi sits down on the floor as well, inviting you and your best friend to get comfortable too.

“Do you guys wanna sit on the couch?” San asks, about to get up, but your best friend quickly speaks up.

“No, that’s fine!” She sits down next to Mingi (shocking, you think), and you join her on the other side of on floor. You knew she and Mingi hooked up last weekend.

And you couldn’t help but hope she would leave her attention on him and forget about Seonghwa for the night.

You try not to make it too obvious how bad your eyes want to go to Seonghwa, but you eventually succumb and look at him, surprised to see him with his gaze already locked on you. 

You haven’t heard him say a word yet, yet you know everything his gaze is saying.

You came anyways? 

You shrug with a smile, and look away, trying not to make the heat in your cheeks too apparent. 

Alcohol is gathered in the middle of the circle, San opens a six-pack of beers before handing a can to Seonghwa, but Wooyoung is quick to snatch it.

“Seonghwa is not drinking tonight, he’s being a bore.” He says, cracking open the beer before taking a sip. He almost spills as Seonghwa kicks him in the back, wiping the beer away from his chin.

“If I wasn’t a bore, you wouldn’t be sipping on those beers. I had to drive to a place 25 minutes away because you forgot to buy some.” Seonghwa shakes his head, slightly annoyed with the younger.

“You’re right, thanks mommy.” Wooyoung sends Seonghwa a loving smile, but Seongwha only responds by rolling his eyes. 

The decision you’ve made not to get too drunk seems like a good idea as the night escalates and more beers are opened. The volume in the group gets louder as more alcohol is consumed and laughs are shared over silly topics. This all eventually ended with the group deciding to play various drinking games, which you silently participated in. 

It was obvious that you were the newest addition to the group, not knowing them all very well. And that really showed when they decided to play ‘who’s most likely to’. An explicit version, at that.

“Who’s most likely to sleep with a teacher?” Mingi asks, looking around at everyone before starting the countdown. “3..2..1..”

There's silence as everyone, besides you, points around, and everyone points at San. The man looks down looking embarrassed, even pointing at himself.

“She was 27 at the time. Only 6 years older than me, it isn’t that big of a deal.” San explains before taking a sip of his beer.

“She was still a teacher.” Wooyoung comments.

“Substitute. The key word is substitute.” San eyes Wooyoung who only starts a small discussion about the situation, leaving you to observe the two. A smile creeps up on your lips at the conversation before you, but you can't help but look at the person directly across from you, meeting Seonghwa’s eyes again. 

Looking at him was like excluding the rest of the world for a moment. His lips curled into a subtle smile, only keeping his focus on you and ignoring the bickering from his two friends. Hoping no one notices the way you look at each other, you look away, taking a sip from your first beer. 

The game eventually moves on, San having to pick the next ‘most likely to’.

“Who’s most likely to be the best fuck?” He asks, a smile creeping up on his lips as he gets ready to count down. “3..2..1..” 

The majority of fingers point at Seonghwa, him sitting relaxed on the couch, only watching the game unfold. There’s a short silence around the group before Wooyoung speaks up.

“There’s a reason why at least 5 girls flirt with him at every party. They all want a piece of that Seongwhanger.” 

“Don’t ever call it that.” Seonghwa snaps, looking at his friend by his legs.

“Am I wrong though?” Wooyoung laughs.

You only watch as the others add to the conversation while you drift into your own thoughts. You’re reminded of the conversation you overheard in the library, those girls talking about their encounters with Seonghwa in the.. bedroom.

Having Seonghwa’s best friends knowing about his abilities when it comes to sex, as well as those random girls, would mean it must be a thing people knew. Somehow, you had just missed that information. 

“I’m intrigued.. Why do you guys think Seonghwa is most likely?” Your best friend asks, looking around at the guys. 

“If you knew the screams I’ve heard from the girls he’s fucked. That alone tells me everything I need to know.” Wooyoung answered.

You suddenly enter a topic you had not prepared yourself for, and that results in you feeling restless. The thought of Seonghwa fucking hard, has your mind playing a dangerous game with you. You don’t know where to look, where to keep your hands, how to breathe. 

Whenever your eyes landed on Seonghwa, all you saw was him. 

Naked. On top of you.

“I spoke to a girl he fucked once. She told me she saw heaven and hell at the same time.” San adds.

“Guys..” Seonghwa tries to stop the conversation, or at least make it less explicit, but the others don't seem to follow along. 

“Come on, Hwa. It isn’t something to be embarrassed about, own it!” Wooyoung hits Seonghwa’s leg in an accepting manner.

“I am, but in respect for the girls... Let’s not.”

Wooyoung clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, shaking his head. “You know how they brag about it, they want to be talked about after. They all wanna be a part of the Seongweenie club”

“Stop!” Seonghwa’s eyes grow big at Wooyoung’s constant name-calling.

Your best friend laughs next to you, enjoying this conversation more than anyone else. You try to look at Seonghwa again, but when his eyes meet yours, you instantly look away. It’s like you can’t look at him and not have your thoughts stray to less innocent territories. You finish your beer, feeling slightly grateful for the way it leaves you feeling.

“You guys are embarrassing, why do you know these things about each other?” Your best friend asks as her laugh dies down, curious about this conversation. San looks at her, scooting away from Seonghwa on the couch so he can speak at a lower volume like Seonghwa wouldn’t hear him.

“Because at this point, it’s common knowledge. I don’t want it to sound weird, but I’ve heard a lot from the girls he's been with. The things this man does,” San points over his shoulder at Seonghwa. “Don’t let his nice persona fool you guys.”

“The thing is, Seonghwa is just way too humble about it.” Mingi adds, shrugging. 

Your eyes quickly travel to Seonghwa, looking defeated, before Wooyoung steals your focus as he stands up. 

“I’m just surprised you’re not bragging about it more. If I were you, I would be telling everyone about my Shlonghwa.” 

Wooyoung barely finishes his sentence before Seonghwa runs after Wooyoung out of the living room and they disappear in the hallway. All you hear is Wooyoung's muffled laugh, as you hear him run, and you finally take a moment to breathe, now that Seonghwa isn’t in your eyesight. 

Another topic is suddenly going on amongst the rest of you, but you can’t seem to move on from the information you just got. 

She told me she saw heaven and hell at the same time.

Your brain keeps going over and over the words from Seonghwa’s friends. You didn’t expect to ever hear these things about him, and it honestly shocks you a bit. You knew he was popular amongst the girls, but you thought it came from how nice he was (as well as incredibly handsome). But now, knowing many of them want to sleep with him because, like Wooyoung said, “they brag about it, they want to be talked about after”, only adds to your thoughts. 

The conversation you shared with Seonghwa after the last party, suddenly made even more sense to you. Even Seonghwa’s friends knew how many girls were wondering how it would be to sleep with him. 

And so you feel an incredible guilt for wondering the same.

How his hands would run down your body, lips tracing kisses all over you as he has his way with you.

“I’ll be right back.” Your best friend wakes you from your thoughts before she disappears into the hallway. Wanting to remove the thoughts about Seonghwa from your brain, you try to focus on the conversation between San and Mingi, but it doesn’t help at all. 

Shaking the empty can of beer, you are in desperate need of something to help with your dry mouth. You excuse yourself as you stand up, decide to get some water instead of beer, and make your way to the kitchen. 

You manage to find the kitchen without any help, but your body immediately backtracks when you see who’s in there, and you hide behind the wall before they see you. Your best friend is laughing as she jokingly hits Seonghwa on the chest. His smile grows on his face before continuing whatever conversation they were having. 

Not wanting to snoop or hear your best friend flirt with Seonghwa, you quickly make your way back to the living room. Your hands reach for another beer, and you take a huge sip of it to quench your thirst and with a small mission to forget what you just saw in the kitchen. 

You didn’t like Seonghwa. Of course not, right? He was just becoming a good friend, and your best friend has been crushing on Seonghwa for almost a year. If she managed to finally get him, that would be great! You’d be happy for her. 

On the outside.

But on the inside, you’d be less excited. 

You hate admitting it, but Seonghwa has been running in your mind 24/7 ever since the party. You finally understood why your best friend was into him. Why every girl was into him. You’d be blind if you didn’t see how perfect he was, how kind, thoughtful, and funny he is. And that’s just Seonghwa. That is how he is. And he’s much more than that.

Needing a moment for yourself, you manage to find the bathroom to breathe. This get-together was turning into something you didn’t expect. How can you feel so many emotions all at once? Seonghwa was already living in your mind rent-free, and now that his friends suddenly exposed how his intimate side is, you have no space in your brain left. 

You look at yourself in the mirror, and you’re immediately reminded of San’s words.

The things this man does... don’t let his nice persona fool you guys.

Your mind once again goes to forbidden places. How he looked that night of the party. How his messy hair would be even messier after you would run your fingers through it. How it would fall down in his face while he’s being on top of you. Sweat starting to form on his forehead. His deep voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Skin against skin as he fastens the speed.

Cursing at yourself at the thoughts, you decide being alone isn’t helping. At this point, Seonghwa is tattooed in your mind and there’s nothing you can do about it. 

You open the door and step into the hallway, when you’re suddenly standing in front of the man in your mind.

“Hey, angel.” Seonghwa stops in his tracks, sharing his first words with you for the night. 

“Hi.” You nearly whisper. 

Your focus is turned to Wooyoung, who has to pass the two of you in the hallway, and you notice the way Seonghwa sends him a glare. Wooyoung laughs as he quickly sprints past Seonghwa, afraid that Seonghwa will reach out for him. He disappears into the living room, leaving you and Seonghwa alone in the hallway.

“He’s annoying, you’ll get used to it.” Seonghwa’s eyes meet yours again. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight.” 

Trying not to focus too much on the thoughts in your brain, involving Seonghwa in a less innocent setting, you do your best to act normal.

“I guess FOMO got the best of me.” You shrug, starting to play with the sleeves of your shirt.

“I’m glad you came,” His eyes curl as he sends you a smile, and your mouth starts to dry again. You shift your gaze away from him, not being able to look him in the eyes for too long. “You want a ride home later?”

Your eyes flicker for a moment, trying to figure out what to say.

“Oh, uhm.. I don’t know, I have to talk to my friend and ask her if we’re sharing a cap.”

“You’re not. She’s staying here.” He responds rather quickly, leaving you slightly confused.

“How do you know?”

“The way Mingi is looking at her... I know.” He can’t seem to hide the smirk on his lips. He seems confident as he rests his hands in the pockets of his loose jeans, but you’re not convinced.

“But maybe she would like to stay with you tonight?” Your words make his brows shoot together. “She’s been talking about you for a long time, you know.” You look away from him again, eyes focused on your fingers playing with the ends of your sleeves.

“Still trying to wingman me with your friend?” You can hear the smirk on his lips.

“She likes you.” Is the only thing you say, leaving a silence between you and Seonghwa. He scoffs shortly, pushing his tongue against the inside of his cheek as he smirks.

“I’ll drive you home later.” He says.

“You don’t-”

“Have to, I know. At this point, just accept it.” He sends you a smile before making his way back into the living room. Like a duckling to its mother, you follow behind him, him leading the way. The rest of the group is already back in the circle, and you quietly sit down while Seonghwa takes his seat back on the couch, making sure to whack Wooyoung on the back of the head first. 

The rest of the night, you’re quietly sipping on your second beer, not wanting alcohol to get too involved in the way you’re thinking. The rest of the group decided to continue various games and explicit conversation topics, thankfully leaving Seonghwa’s name out of most of them. 

You notice his gaze on you multiple times, but you immediately avert your eyes, not being able to look into his piercing ones. A part of you couldn’t wait to get home, but the fact that Seonghwa had insisted on driving you home, made your heart pound faster against your chest. The thought of being alone with him seemed dangerous, afraid you’d do something you would regret.

The get-together eventually came to an end, and just like Seonghwa had predicted, your best friend decided to stay at Mingi’s place. 

The door to the driver's seat closed, and Seonghwa put on his seatbelt before turning on the car.

“Ready?” He asks, looking at you.

“Mhm..” You nod, looking at your hands resting in your lap. Seonghwa keeps his gaze on you for a moment, trying his best to read you to the best of his abilities. 

“You’re awfully quiet tonight. Something going on in that pretty head of yours?” His words make your stomach flip, but you push the feeling away as quickly as you can.

“No.. Just tired, I guess.” You try sending him a smile, thankful for the dimmed light surrounding you, making it harder to see his handsome features.

Seonghwa tries to ignore the feeling he gets when he can tell that you are obviously lying to him. He turns on the car and drives off to your apartment complex. The quiet music plays in the background, making the silence between you less noticeable.

Your eyes follow the trees and street lamps as you drive by, intentionally keeping your gaze in the other direction from Seonghwa. A small tapping sound following the music catches your attention, and you look down at the gearshift to see Seonghwa’s fingers around the shift. Their tapping follows the beat of the song on the radio, momentarily hypnotizing you. 

The car stops at a red light, and you find yourself not being able to take your eyes off his hands. You realize how pretty his hands are, even in the dimmed light. He’s wearing a silver ring around one of his long slender fingers, the veins in his hands more evident as he taps along to the song. They curl prettily around the gearshift, having your mind wander to places they shouldn’t.

What you don’t notice is Seonghwa’s focus on you. A smirk creeps up on his lips when he realizes how his fingers have you in a trance, wondering what suddenly made you so focused on his hands. 

As you catch yourself in the trance, you look away from his figers and out the window on your side. 

You’re too deep in your own thoughts to notice Seonghwa lean closer to you and reach out his arm at you. A sudden grip on your chin forces you to look at him, and you see him smirk with the red light from the stoplight decorating his face.

“What?” You ask to the best ability, still with his hand holding your face. He takes a moment to study your face, not saying a single word. A tiny crease forms in the middle of your forehead, waiting for him to say something. His smile only widens a bit, not letting you know what he’s thinking.

“Angel face..” He says softly as the light turns green and he lets go of your face before taking off. 

The rest of the way to your apartment is silent, except for the radio music and Seonghwa’s fingers tapping along. You finally see your apartment complex, and Seonghwa parks his car in the parking lot. Today, he follows you out of the car and towards your building. You’re a few steps ahead, not knowing what to say without accidentally saying something stupid. 

Your mind is playing games with you, but you decide not to let this awkwardness control you anymore. What would be appropriate to talk about after the information you’ve gotten about him today? Do you even need to talk about it? You’re friends, so it wouldn’t be weird to ask him to stay over again, would it?

You take a few steps up to the main entrance, holding onto the railing, when you finally open your mouth.

“Seonghwa?” You turn around on the stairs, looking at him a few steps under you. Seonghwa’s big eyes look up at you, looking innocent and pure.

“What's up?”

You lose all of your bravery and immediately decide to abort the mission. 

“Nothing,” You say, quickly moving on. “Thank you for driving me home. Goodnight.” You turn around again, about to head up the stairs to the entrance to your building when Seonghwa’s voice makes you halt.

“Wait.. Is everything good?” There’s a concern evident in his voice, and you send him a smile as you look down at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He takes a moment to look at you a few steps up on the staircase, before taking a deep breath.

“Are we gonna address the situation or are you just gonna stay silent?” 

His words hit you like the fall from a roller coaster, making your stomach turn.

“Situation?” You ask. 

“How your behavior changed when we reached a certain conversation topic tonight?” 

You can’t read the tone in his voice, and his blank face doesn’t help either. You knew you had been exceptionally silent tonight, but you didn’t think he would notice. Suddenly, nervous that you’ve done something to make him mad, you feel your heart pound faster.

“What topic?” You ask nervously.

“How I fuck.”

You blink a few times, not expecting those words to escape his mouth. Mouth dry, heart pounding, and sweaty hands all have you quickly looking away from him, averting his gaze.

“There it is.. That look in your eye..” Seonghwa studies your face silently, taking two steps closer to you on the stairs. “You wanna know what that look tells me?” His voice drops an octave, and your stomach does another flip. 

He’s killing you.

“Mhm..” You gulp as you nod, too overwhelmed to use actual words, blushing like crazy.

“It tells me you aren’t as innocent as you may seem.” He takes another step up the stairs, now only two steps separating you. “That those big eyes are pretty good at hiding what goes on in your mind, but sometimes it slips out, and they expose your thoughts without you saying a word..” He takes the last step closer to you. Now, he’s the one looking down at you, and you freeze like a prey trapped by the lion. His scent is hugging around you, making you feel dizzy. His eyes study you carefully, knowing he has you figured out. He scoffs confidently. “Tell me.. and be honest with me..” He leans forward, making it impossible to look away from him. “Are you wondering how it would be if I fucked you?”

Nervous, scared to admit the thoughts you’ve had about him the entire night, your eyes flicker away from him. He leans back a bit, a smirk growing on his face as he knows he’s onto something.

“So that’s a yes,” He says, your heart skipping a beat. The fact that he can read you so well, without you having to say a single word, makes you even more tense. You wish he would end this suffering, and either let you go or press his lips against yours, but instead, he does something different. “I’m feeling generous tonight, so instead of letting you wonder any longer, I’ll just tell you what it’s like to be fucked by me,”

You finally find the courage to look into his eyes as he’s trapping you between him and the banister. The thought of what he’s about to tell you makes the heat between your legs unbearable. He takes a deep breath, letting you mentally prepare yourself before he speaks.

“I like to be in control. I like to have them under me or on all fours in front of me. I like wrapping my hand around their hair or around their throat, forcing them to look at me,” He moves his arm around you, and you feel a slight pull in your hair. Your breathing is ragged, trying to control yourself. “I also use my tongue to make them cum. Luckily I love to eat pussy, especially if it’s from a pretty girl. But the best is when their big, pretty eyes look up at me, begging to cum and I’ll get to control when they’re allowed to let go and feel the orgasm take over.” His voice is down to a whisper, and you can’t believe what is happening right now. You have to bite your lip not to scream for him to kiss you. A smile creeps up on his lips like he’s about to mock you. “But you’re an angel, right? A good girl. You wouldn’t let me do those things to you.”

“I would.” You instantly respond, whispering only for him to hear.

“Use your words, angel. What would you like me to do to you?” He lets go of the grip on your hair and instead removes some hair from your face in a caring manner. 

“Everything. Whatever you want.” You know you’re fully giving in to him, but you don’t care.

“Are you sure? I’m not sure you can handle it.” His thumb caresses your cheek.

“Try me,”

This changes something in Seonghwa’s eyes. His hand grabs the back of your head and his lips are on yours in a second. The feeling of his lips on you is like fireworks, and you can’t help but moan at the overwhelming sensation like you've been waiting for this forever. For the first time tonight, you finally feel like you can breathe. 

His tongue slips past your lips, and you surrender in his grasp. Seonghwa seems just as hungry for you and starts kissing along your jaw and down your neck. You instinctively throw your head back, granting him better access. He goes in like a vampire thirsty for blood, kissing your neck, probably leaving marks. He knows what he’s doing, he knows how to make someone feel good. That makes you impatient.

“Upstairs. Come with me upstairs?” You try your best to get your words out, and you feel him smiling against your neck.

“I thought you’d never ask.” 

You waste no time going inside, quickly pressing the doors for the elevator to arrive. You feel Seonghwa’s hand on the small of your back, and you have to fight everything in you not to jump on him immediately.

The elevator comes, Seonghwa guides you inside, and you press the button to your floor. Impatiently, you press the button multiple times, hoping that will make it go faster. 

The doors finally close, and not a split second goes by until Seonghwa has you pressed up against the wall of the elevator. His hands are on your body while kissing you down your neck and along your jaw. You want his lips on yours again, but when he starts sucking on the sweet spot on your neck, you feel your knees weaken. Fingers running through his black hair are everything you thought it would be. He continues moving his lips on your skin, leaving you thirsty for more. The elevator reaches your floor, and you quickly make your way to the apartment, Seonghwa trailing behind you. You find the keys to your apartment but fumble while trying to find the right one. While struggling, you feel Seonghwa stand close behind you, and it’s like the world is working against you.

“Patience, baby.” He grabs your waist and you feel his front against your back. A gasp at the feeling leaves between your lips, and he starts kissing your neck while you desperately try to unlock the door. 

After what feels like years of getting the door unlocked, you drag Seonghwa into your apartment, and just as you close the door, Seonghwa pushes you up against it. He grabs both of your hands and holds them above your head with one of his. 

“Am I terrible for wanting to drive you home, in hopes that this would happen?” He starts kissing your neck again, and you close your eyes at the way his tongue works on your skin.

“No.”

“Tell me, angel..” He moves further down and starts kissing your collarbones. “What was running through your mind tonight? And don’t lie to me.”

“I wondered.. what the others said.”

“What did they say?”

He makes it nearly impossible for you to speak as he continues kissing further down your chest. 

“Not to let your nice personality fool me... That you made someone.. see heaven and hell at the same time.” Your words have him standing up fully, letting go of the hold on your hands above your head and he’s back to look into your eyes.

“Baby.. I’ll drag the angel in you down to hell with me. Can I?” He moved some hair out of your face again, and you’re shocked with his way of changing style. He could be dragging his lips and tongue all over you one second, and making sure you look pretty the next.

“Uh huh..” You nod, and a smirk forms on his lips as he studies the features on your face.

“I’m gonna feel bad for ruining this angel face of yours,” His smirk grows into a smile. ”But you’re gonna look so perfect after.” His index finger runs down the side of your face, and you quickly start to feel yourself go crazy. Seonghwa’s lips hover just above yours, making you desperate.

“Kiss me.” Your words come out like a cry for help, not being able to long for his lips against yours anymore.

It’s like he’s enjoying seeing you fumble. He loves to hear you beg for his touch, his lips, him. 

He looks down at your parted lips and goes in. His soft lips press against yours, and instinctively, your body responds to him. His tongue slips past your lips, exploring your mouth, and you allow every move he makes. Hands cupping your face, yours decide to pull him closer. You need him as close as humanly possible.

Slowly, his hands travel down your body, testing the waters. Of course, he doesn’t want to do something you aren’t comfortable with, despite you verbally already telling him to do anything he wants with you. But little do you know. He has been thinking of this for a week straight, not being able to think of anything else but you under his touch. So trying not to rush this, wanting to enjoy every second, Seonghwa is taking his sweet time. 

The kiss deepens, and you feel his hands travel further downward until they rest on your ass. A light squeeze makes you pull him closer, and not wanting to waste any more time, his hands travel under your thighs to pull you up. You do a small jump before wrapping your legs around his waist, and you take the opportunity to kiss his neck. A small grunt escapes Seonghwa from your lips on his skin, as he makes his way to your bedroom with you wrapped around him. 

“Are you trying to drive me insane, angel?” He opens the door to your bedroom and you’re thrown on the bed a second later. Looking up at him from the mattress, you can’t wait for whatever is about to happen. The way he's looking at you, you know you’re in for something big.

Seonghwa crawls on top of you, leaving kisses all over your body on his way.

“You know how much I’ve been thinking about this?” His lips run over your chest as he unbuttons your shirt. “Last time I was in your apartment, after the party... You were looking at my lips like you were about to kiss me and I had to fight everything in me not to fuck you right then and there on the couch.” 

Your fingers run through his hair, reminded of the first night you spoke to Seonghwa.

“I’m a horrible friend.” You say, reminded by your best friend’s admiration for Seonghwa. You’re letting a moan escape your lips when he kisses your sweet spot, not wanting him to stop. His lips leave your skin and he hovers over you, his hands on each side of your head as he looks down at you. 

“Your best friend is fucking Mingi as we speak. Besides,” His lips softly press against yours in a gentle kiss. “I bet you’ve been thinking about me too, haven’t you, angel?” 

He had been the only thing in your head for a week, of course.

You nod, looking up at him. 

“Gosh, I wanna fuck you,” He smacks his lips against yours as his fingers open the rest of the buttons on your shirt. Shortly after, your bra is exposed, and a smile creeps up on Seonghwa’s lips. “So fucking beautiful.” 

He helps you out of your clothes, and suddenly you're fully exposed in front of him. Your cheeks redden as he looks all over your body, admiring every single curve of your skin. Quickly, he takes one of your nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. His other hand is busy massaging the other, and you feel every part of you starting to become sensitive to his touch. 

Seonghwa slowly makes his way down, kissing you all the way until his head is right above your heat. He starts teasing you, placing light kisses on your thighs, purposely avoiding your pussy.

“Seonghwa, please.” You can’t stand waiting anymore. 

“I’ve been wanting to do this for longer than you could imagine. I’m taking my time, but I do enjoy hearing you beg.”

Before you get to say another word, Seonghwa dives in and directly starts licking you between your folds. He holds your legs open to get the best access, and you feel your eyes roll back in pleasure. His tongue finds your hole and goes slightly in, making your hands grab the sheets.

“You taste so sweet, baby, like fucking dessert.” He says against your pussy, before slowly dragging his tongue up along your slit, enjoying seeing you squirm.

“Please Hwa,” You manage to say when he starts sucking on your clit, swirling his tongue around it, knowing that if he keeps doing exactly this, you’ll be coming in just a few seconds. "Your tongue.. It feels so good."

Seonghwa smirks at your words but seems to notice how close you already are and slows down.

“You couldn't even look me in the eyes earlier... Like after you knew how I fuck, you became afraid of me. Did you, angel?”

“No.”

“Then why did you look away?”

“Because-” Your words are cut short when he fastens the speed of his tongue again. “I got shy.” A loud moan escapes your lips when your legs start to shake and he enters a finger in your hole, curling it upwards so it hits a specific spot.

“I’ll make you a promise... When I’m done with you, you’re gonna be begging me to fuck you from now on. No more hiding or looking away. Okay?” Seonghwa brings his tongue back on you as he starts pumping his finger in and out of you. A muffled moan escapes you as you bite your lip. “I said; okay?”

“Yes!”

“Good girl.” He adds another finger before the speed quickens once again, and you’re sure you’re about to cum at any moment.

“Seonghwa.. I’m-” 

“Not yet, angel,” He doesn’t change the speed he’s going, only making it harder for you to hold back the overwhelming sensation forming in your stomach. “You can hold it back a little more, can’t you?” 

You almost want to cry from the emotions you’re feeling, his tongue going in circles over your clit. The grip on your bed sheets tightens, and just before you’re about to give up and let the orgasm take over, everything stands still. Like you’re on a rollercoaster, seeing the big fall right in front of you, but you’re stuck at the top. You look down to see Seonghwa removing himself from you, and you throw your head back.

Your heart is pounding fast against your chest like you’ve been running a marathon, and you release the air you’ve been holding for so long. 

“You did so well, angel. I thought you were about to go against my words for a second,” He crawls back on top of you, and you see that he’s only in his boxers. You had been too focused on him eating you out, you didn’t see what else was going on around you. “You’re a good slut, aren’t you?” His finger travels down the side of your face in a caring manner. 

Never had someone called you ‘slut’ in this setting, but when it came from Seonghwa, it only made you even more turned on. Yet, he still finds a way to intimidate you with his words, and your eyes flicker away from him. 

“Angel, are you getting shy again?” His finger travels down to your jaw before wrapping his hand around your throat. You’re completely under his spell as he leans down to whisper in your ear. “I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you, do you understand?”

Not being able to wait any longer, you impatiently nod as you’re biting your lip. 

“I can’t hear you, angel.” 

“Yes!” 

Seonghwa lets go of you before taking off his boxers, and your mouth starts to water when you see his cock pressed against his stomach. It’s bigger than you thought it would be, glistening with pre-cum.

“Get on your knees and turn towards the mirror.” He instructs, and your cheeks heat up from what is about to happen. You do as he says, your body turning against the full-body mirror facing your bed. You watch him through the mirror as he gets in bed and you feel his front against your back. His cock presses up against you, and you can’t wait to have it inside you, stretching you out.

You meet his eyes in the mirror and he sends you a smile as his hands travel on your body. “So fucking beautiful.” His lips leave kisses on your shoulder while he wraps his arm around you and runs a finger in between your folds. You respond with a muffled moan from how sensitive you are, and he slowly raises his finger to your mouth. You notice how glistening it is from how wet you are, and before you know it, Seonghwa has his fingers in your mouth.

The taste of yourself spreads on your tongue, only adding to your list of things you’ve never tried before, but are happy to do with Seonghwa.

“Have you been this wet since you heard how I fuck? You probably undressed me with your eyes while the others were around, wondering how I look as I fuck you stupid.” He removed his fingers from your mouth. “But no need to wait any longer, angel. You really think you can take it?”

“Yes.”

“Good girl.”

A second later, Seonghwa enters you and you almost fall forward if he hadn’t held onto you. His arm wraps around your waist, steadying you while you get used to the feeling of him inside you. Your hips are touching, skin against skin when he slowly starts to pull out before entering fully again. 

The feeling is overwhelming, and your head rolls back to rest on his shoulder. 

“Holy fuck, angel,” His speed slowly increases, and both of his hands go to grab your waist, holding your sturdy. "You make me want to keep you all to myself. So perfect around my cock, don't you think?" 

The sound of him fucking you quickly becomes the only thing in your mind, as you close your eyes to hold yourself from screaming.

He fastens the speed even more, and you let out a loud moan. One of his hands goes to your neck, and he slowly wraps his slender fingers around your throat to keep you in place.

“Open your eyes,” He demands and you do as he says, feeling his hips slam against yours. As soon as you open your eyes, you see yourself getting fucked by Seonghwa through the mirror. His eyes are so full of passion and lust as they keep their focus on you, while his dick pounds deep inside of you. You've never seen yourself while getting fucked, but you love the view of you and Seonghwa. “Do you see how beautiful you look with my cock inside you? So fucking obedient and good, you were made for me, angel.” 

Seonghwa lets go of your neck and a hard thrust has you falling forward, not being able to hold yourself up any longer. He continues to thrust deep inside you, grabbing the flesh on your hips so hard, it probably (hopefully) leaves marks tomorrow. 

You feel a tug in your hair, and you look up to see Seonghwa have his hand wrapped around your hair, forcing you to look into the mirror, and the sight turns you on to the fullest. Seonghwa is so deep inside of you, and you can’t help but look at how absolutely gorgeous he looks. His black, wavy hair is damp and a mess, sweat glistening on his chest, and a crease on his forehead from the passion he puts into fucking you. He grunts your name as he meets your eyes in the mirror, and you feel the thrusts deepen.

Your arms lose their strength and you fall down, face down, and ass up. This allows Seonghwa to lean over you, and you almost feel him deeper inside of you. He lets go of your hair and you feel his weight on you as he places kisses on your shoulders and your back as his cock works in and out of you. You moan his name into the bed, not being able to think of anything else but him railing into you.

“You take my cock so fucking good, just like the good little slut you are.”

His dominant side is so evident, that you’re wondering how he’s capable of hiding it normally. You didn’t ever think he’d be so controlling, but it turns you on seeing this nice guy turn into an absolute animal in bed. 

You suddenly understand what the girl from the library meant. With the way he's fucking you into the mattress, you're not sure how you're gonna be able to walk tomorrow.

You feel yourself clench around him, quickly feeling your orgasm approach once again. A moan escapes Seonghwa at the feeling and he knows you’re about to have your orgasm take over.

“I wanna see you while you come on my cock.” Seonghwa pulls out of you and rolls you over so you’re lying on your back. Your legs wrap around his waist as he enters you again, another moan about to leave your lips when he leans down to press his lips against yours. 

This takes you slightly by surprise, but in desperate need of his lips against yours, you wrap your arms around his shoulders. His hips start to move again, quickly picking up the speed to chase both of your orgasms. 

“Fuck, baby.. I feel you clench around my cock. Are you gonna cum?” He says, looking down at you.

“Y-Yes!” 

"I'll let you finish if you beg like a good girl."

He's killing you with his words, but you can't hold back anymore, You've been trying to hold back for so long, that you feel like you're going to pass out.

"Please, please!"

"Please what?" He keeps the speed, not going faster, not going slower.

"Please let me cum, Hwa!" You’re begging him to let you cum, not being able to hold back much longer. 

As if something changed in him, he quickly puts your legs on his shoulders, almost folding you in half. You feel him even deeper, hitting the perfect spot in your cunt.

“You’re going to cum on my cock, alright? You begged so obediently after all.” He smirks down at you as the pace of his thrust quickens, hitting the perfect spot every time. “Be a good girl and cum on my cock.” 

Shortly after, you feel the buildup in your entire lower region spread like wildfire throughout your entire body. Your toes curl, fingers grab the bed and your head rolls back in pleasure. An uninhibited release of control runs through your entire body and you clench around his cock. You've never felt this intensity of an orgasm before. Moaning Seonghwa’s name along with your orgasm taking over you, has him quickly feeling his orgasm approach as well. You look up at him, pleasure written all over your face.

“Holy shit, baby, I’m gonna cum if you keep looking at me like that.” 

“Cum inside me, please.” 

A smirk creeps up on Seonghwa’s lips. “Look at you, not so shy anymore, are we?” 

He fucks you hard and fast, looking down at you as you still feel your own orgasm. You moan once again, clenching around his cock and that’s enough to send Seonghwa over the edge. One last deep thrust has him emptying himself inside you, and you feel the warmth from his cum. His movements stop as he takes his time to feel his orgasm, closing his eyes in pleasure.

The sight in front of you leaves you addicted to him, so you start wiggling under him, trying to milk more cum out of him. His eyes open and he looks down at his cock inside of you, grinning as he lets you wiggle under him. He then slowly pulls out of you, enjoying the sight of his cum leaking out of you. He helps your legs down from his shoulders before slowly leaning forward to kiss you gently on your lips. 

His hand cups your cheek in a loving manner as the kiss deepens, but the kiss seems different from the others. This one is so full of care, protection, and softness. 

He pulls back, looking down at you in a way that wouldn’t make you believe he just railed you into next week.

“So… Was I too hard on you?” He asks with genuine nervousness in his voice. 

“No, you were perfect.” You smile, and he quickly looks relieved before he pecks your lips and gets comfortable in your bed.

“Come here, angel.” He opens his arms for you to lie down, and you immediately throw yourself into his arms. "Is it okay if I stay the night?" He asks softly as you wrap your arms around his stomach and he holds you close, resting his head on yours. 

"Honestly speaking, I think I'd be pretty pissed if you just left." You smile, getting comfortable in his arms. 

"I wouldn't dream of it." He kisses the top of your head, and you close your eyes, deciding to enjoy this moment with Seonghwa. “Goodnight, angel.”

You’re already half asleep, listening to the beating of his heart, wishing you could do this every night. 

(I’ve been thinking about writing a part 2 of this fic, let me know if that’s something you would like!)

[coffee-and-tea-time]

KEEP PRETENDING TO SLEEP! KEEP PRETENDING TO SLEEP!!!

HEHEHEHEHEHE I WAS WAITING TO COOK THIS

Coffee insanely speaking! Thanks Dear, you gimme the perfect excuse to write a second part just in time although I expected the option of talking to him to come first. Not that I'm complaining lol

➤ first part

➤ here to see the other option

↪︎ ☾ I love to see you ....................................... .......................................☆ I love to hear you↩︎

TW: yandere behavior, delusions, murder of self-preservation, stalking, obssesion, somewhat willing reader, kinda denying of bad decisions

Of course, the best option is to stay still, not because you are enjoying this no no, of course not...

Despite his soft voice that sounds rather familiar, you can't really recall who or where. So the safest option is just giving in at the moment, you didn't know how he could react so the safer the better, isn't it?

A smile starts creeping on your face against your will, seems like you are a rather bad actor when it's required, huh? 

“Oh, I'm really glad, you seem like you're finally having a good dream… will it be too greedy if I want to be inside that little dream of yours? Well, if you find that greedy, you won't be able to handle me later”

Hearing a close mouthed giggle following the whisper makes your heart flutter softly, like this is some kind of really romantic scene in his mind. You were able to hear the faint sound of footsteps, he seems like he's doing a little room tour, making it a little hard to hear him.

“Oh Dear, you were researching that thing again?”

It seems like he found his way into your phone, what was he referring to?

“Why do you keep reading so much about romance? Are these words good enough to keep your focus?... Maybe I have to start practicing oral expression? It's been a while since I felt like that, last time was when you downloaded that stupid dating sim… This is truly irritating, the names they use, the way they ‘communicate’ to you; do no justice, I can express myself way better, my love, and how my eyes change when I see you walking by… just... please, I need only one chance, and I promise you won't have a room left for doubts”

Even though he made the effort to lower his voice in order to 'not wake you up', it's clear how his tone is changing with every word depending on the topic; First, a low hint of infatuation, then, what sounds closer to a plead and, finally,...was that...hopelessness?

Honestly, in a normal situation, you would be annoyed by someone searching through your phone but only an idiot would think this man would judge you even if you had pictures of dead people there, more like he's genuinely looking for more of you, despite the fact that it's really not the ‘proper’ way, you can't say it didn't work.

“My beloved Cherry, what can i do for you to talk to me? Those characters seem to steal your attention quickly… I would be lying if I sad I'm not a little hopeful because of them though, you seem to have quite the specific taste, Cherry, and I believe I fit perfectly on them... if only I could find the right moment to get into your routine, to be part of your life…”

Weird that he worries about getting to talk to you with an ideal scene but not worrying about stalking you, but maybe it's kind of understable? Since well, everyone likes to check on their crush on social media even if they take a while to actually talk, even if this guy took it a little too far, he sounds... harmless like his wish is just to win your affection…

wait a second…

Are you truly relaxed in this kind of situation? What is going on with you? Why? Why… well, can't say you didn't ask for this, even as a joke, you know this time is different because it's real, but… why does reality feel like a fantasy right now? Is it because of him?

“Huh, I come here as a routine by now, I still get the same queries, I’m dying to find the answers soon..”

Sensing that lightly sweet fragrance once more makes you know he’s approaching your ‘sleeping’ form once again, making it easy to hear him despite his constant whispering.

“Would you let me cuddle you? Would you let me kiss you? Would you mind if I were clingy? Would you mind if I get jealous? Would you mind if it seems like I already know more about you than I should? I want to hold you my dear, I can’t wait for the day I can just snuggle with you every time we want… I really can’t wait anymore, I need to be closer to you… I guess I have no option other than to talk to you out of the blue, I dislike to be so imprudent, but I promise I will make up for it once you accept me in your life, Love”

You feel a gentle hand slightly caress your cheek as a little peck is placed on your forehead, making you almost smile like a fool if it weren’t for the fact that pretending to sleep is your priority in this sweet moment, unexpected but called for moment.

“Sweet dreams Cherry, I have to prepare what I should say tomorrow, I will put all of my efforts to be my best self to make a good first impression, I hope I snatch enough of your interest to be on your mind even for a moment”

Oh, he is definitely gonna be stuck in your mind for a while, as you try your best to focus on the sounds, you catch his steps as he seems to walk away… but you keep up with your act just in case.

So, tomorrow, huh? Seems like once again you have important decisions in your hand, should you indulge in your fantasy and let him get near you? It also sounds fun to go to him first… But, maybe you should try to avoid him? It’s the safer choice, but do you really want that? He seems safe enough not to raise any of your flags, he seemed so caring for you…

sorry for any misspellings or weird sentence structure ❣

images from pinterest

[geeneelee]

Judit’s Backstory, or: Why She Supports Harry

This is a post I’ve been meaning to write for a while, especially since it’s apparently not common knowledge in the fandom, but Judit has a developed backstory with Harry that can only be put together through reading one of the case files (so perhaps it’s not that surprising that people don’t know).

We start with Joseph Mills: an idiot and a terrible person.

No, he was awful. Awful sense of humour too. The worst jokes you've ever heard. Really rapey.

Harry can find out about him from reading MURDER IN THE HOOKAH PARLOR from his case files. Long story short, Mills mistook an accidental death for a murder and wasted months on it, only for Harry to identify it as a dumb accident in less than a minute.

What’s more relevant to the present-day is this:

Beaten to death by a throng of Villalobos gang-members when him and his partner J. M. (only initials mentioned) answered a call one night. It's a sad story and it isn't really represented in *your* case files. Stop stalling and get to the MURDER AT THE HOOKAH PARLOUR.

Judit’s partner was beaten to death by gangsters, presumably while she watched. Technically, J.M. could be anyone, but basic narrative rules + a few other hints make me certain that it’s Judit. Most importantly, what she says about Harry after his disastrous call to the Precinct.

"We must help him." Minot looks down at her neatly polished black shoes. There is a quiet firmness to her voice when she speaks. 

"I just know we can't give up on him when he's at his weakest. He wouldn't..." The crowd in the room has started fidgeting uncomfortably. Someone's trying to slip out unnoticed.

I’m presuming here that what she’s going to say is “He wouldn’t give up on one of us”. (Side note: judging by the reactions of everyone else, they agree. Pre-canon Harry had his good moments and his bad with the squad).

Judit might be speaking from experience - we know that she’s only been with C-Wing for two months, but why did she transfer? Given how C-wing has been hemorrhaging members, it seems odd. If she was speaking from experience, then the most likely answer is that Harry helped her out after Mills’ death (first on the scene? Provided support? who knows) and Judit, who was now without a partner, decided to follow him to C-wing.

Between her gratitude to Harry and (probably) low standards for coworkers, she’s willing to give him the benefit of the doubt more than anyone else who knows him, although depending on your actions you can burn through the good will - calling her the Horse-Faced Woman and asking if you’ve had sex will make her cold towards you.

She’s also aware of Harry’s drinking problem, but has more hope than Jean does - Jean will shoot down any hint that Harry’s changed, but if he’s stayed sober, Judit will hold onto hope that it’ll stick this time

You haven't been drinking, she thinks. So maybe this time...

(Perhaps it’s just because she’s known him for the least amount of time, but it’s still more hope than anyone else in his unit has for Harry).

It’s easy to miss Judit’s implied past with Harry, and assume her patience is naivety or because she’s a mom (which might be the case in a story written by lesser writers) but it’s something more complex than that, and a tiny hint at the better side of pre-canon Harry.

[sadhours]

kinktober day five • foot fetish

aka: walking on sunshine

steve harrington x fem!reader

kinktober masterlist

(this is incredibly self indulgent, don’t judge me, I’m sorry)

cw: 18+, minors dni, smut, foot fetish, toe stuff, masturbation, cum play

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

“Are your feet ticklish?” you ask from the end of the bed.

Steve’s laid out on his stomach, blanket covering his nude body with his feet sticking out at the end. You’ve been up for a couple hours but your boyfriend is stubborn— and hungover. It’s after one in the afternoon, you’ve tried goading him out of bed to no avail. He did take the Advil and drank the whole glass of water you gave him. And he’s not asleep anymore. So it’s a win.

“Aren’t everyone’s?” he mumbles from the pillow, voice all lazy.

You purse your lips and shake your head as you reach forward and wrap your fingers around his skinny ankle.

“No, depends on how you touch ‘em.”

“Oh,” is all he says.

You move your palm over his heel, firm and not too light, “See? That tickle?”

“No,” he exhales, “Feels kinda nice.”

“Want a foot massage?” you ask, voice dripping in hopefulness— downright excitement.

“Sure,” he giggles softly, adjusting his head on the pillow to get more comfortable.

You get to work, pressing the pads of your thumbs into the arch of his foot and dragging them down and then back up. He hums, a good sound. You rub your other fingers firmly against the top of his foot. Then you get the guts to finally admit it.

“You have really nice feet.”

He laughs, loud. Not condescending, just surprised.

“They’re feet.”

“Pretty ones,” you say in huff, massaging them a little harder.

Steve giggles, lifts his head to look back at you, “You got a thing for feet?”

His cheeks are pink, and you’re sure yours are as well when you reply, “A thing for yours, maybe.”

“Oh, yeah?” he wiggles his toes, “This getting you going?”

You squeeze his foot in your hand and glare at him, “Don’t make me tickle you.”

Steve smiles, “You didn’t answer.”

“If I’m wet, well then that’s my business, isn’t it?” you offer as you press harder into the arch of his foot.

A moan escapes his lips, and then he clears his throat before replying, “It’s my business if it’s my feet getting you wet.”

You keep rubbing them, “Congratulations. Another thing about you turns me on.”

“And I don’t even have to try,” he says with a smug smirk.

You graze your fingernails down the arch of his foot and he shrieks and sits up, looking at you with eyes full of offense. You meet them with your own smugness now.

“That was mean,” he pouts.

“You were being too cocky. I gotta humble you,” you insist with a smile. “But I’m sorry. I won’t tickle you again.”

Steve looks at you hesitantly, then kicks his foot out and folds his arms, “You better not.”

He’s sat up against the pillows now, and you scoot up closer before wrapping your hands around his foot again. Massaging him like you were before. He hums, satisfied as he watches your hands work.

“I kinda get it,” he whispers after a beat. “You have pretty feet, too.”

“Yeah?” you giggle. “Maybe next time you can rub mine then.”

“Maybe,” he exhales, eyes closing softly.

That’s when you feel a bit more bold, leaning down and kissing the bottom of his foot. Steve’s eyes fly open but he makes no protest. Watches you intently as you lick across it, making sure to press firmly. Before you know it, you’re sucking on Steve’s toes and he’s moaning.

You feel electric all over, a little shocked he hasn’t told you to knock it off but he actually seems to be into this. Looks at you with these big, beautiful brown eyes and his lower lip caught between his teeth. The blanket is bunched up over his crotch, but he presses his palm over it. Makes you feel even bolder.

“Can I try something?” you ask, face a million shades of crimson.

Steve nods slowly, without breaking eye contact. You prop up on your knees just to push your shorts and underwear down. After kicking them off, you settle back down. Legs spread with Steve’s foot dangerously close to your core. You don't even have to ask or make the move. Steve extends his foot down, pressing his toes to your exposed pussy and you whine out, eyebrows knit.

His face looks as aroused as you feel. He pushes his toes through your folds, feeling how wet you are and he exhales shakily.

“This is surprisingly, very, very, fucking hot,” he tells you.

You nod enthusiastically back, eyes bouncing from where his toes are stimulating your clit back up to his pretty face. Though, it’s not surprising. This is something you’ve fantasized about before and the fact that Steve’s just as turned on about it makes it a million times better. You shuck off your tank top so you can cup your breasts, bringing your fingers down to graze against your perked nipple. Your hips have a mind of their own and wiggle into the pleasurable touch of Steve’s toes.

“Fuck, Steve,” you whine out, feeling your whole chest and stomach tightening, “I love it so much, oh my god.”

“Me, too… I,” he groans and pushes the blanket off his lap, exposing his achingly hard cock. It springs up and he’s quick to wrap his fingers around the base. Then, like he thinks about it for a second, pulls his hand off and brings it to his lips. Steve spits in his palm before returning his hand to his cock, spreading his saliva all over it. Now you really don’t know where to look.

You scoot closer, needing him to apply firmer pressure as your body is taken over by desperation. Your apparent neediness makes Steve work his cock faster, smushing his toes against your cunt as he watches you in absolute adoration. You wonder if this is the kinkiest thing Steve’s done because it most definitely tops your list.

“Jesus Christ,” he spits out, mouth hung open as he watches his toes rubbing against your clit.

You moan, playing with your tits as you rock back and forth. Your orgasm is in reach, giving you tiny little samples every few seconds. Has you breathing heavily, high pitched whines flowing out of you. Steve groans, “I— fuck. I wanna…”

But he doesn’t finish.

“Tell me. What do you want, baby?”

“Wanna cum on your pussy and rub it all over with my toes,” he babbles, squeezing the tip of his cock.

“Holy fuck,” you groan, “Please, please, please.”

Steve pulls away, gets on his knees and moves over to you. You lay back, fingers spreading your pussy open for him as you wait eagerly. Steve pants, hard and fast as he works his fist over his cock in the same fashion. Points his cock down at your cunt just as he cums, coating your pretty folds in his hot, thick cum. You gasp just as he moans, eyes meeting in this special moment.

God, Steve’s perfect, you think as he milks every drop out of his cock before he lays back in his previous position. Pressing his toes to your pussy, spreading his cum up and down through your folds. It’s all slippery and warm and delicious. You whine, eyebrows knit as your climax builds faster and faster the more he rubs against your clit. And it hits you. Hard and fast, you’re seeing white and you down notice you reach forward and grab hold of his ankle to keep his foot still while you writhe against it.

“Oh, yeah,” he pants, “that’s it, baby… fuck, that’s so hot.”

“Stevie,” you whine out, head all foggy as you float down from the high.

You lay down on your side, trying to catch your breath and Steve’s next to you in a heartbeat. Puts his large hand on your hip and kisses your lips all soft and gentle. You wrap your arm around his waist and pull him closer as you kiss him back, deeper. The pair of you lay like that for a while, just making out before Steve pulls back. Looks at you with goddamn stars in his eyes.

“Shower?”

You giggle, nodding slowly, “Shower then laundry. Then maybe I can make you some food.”

“Think we both need it,” he mumbles behind a smile.

“Absolutely,” you peck his lips.

[maximumkillshot]

I Can't Lose You-Part 10

Warnings: Bin losing it (yes this is a warning), A person is grabbed, cursing, boundaries, Anger in Bin's mind (You will see why this is a warning), Mentions of miscarriage, Things come to light, health scares, yeah this one is rough, anxiety, regression

Pairing: BangChan X Reader

Characters: everyone except Bangchan is in this, Soo, Reader,

A/N: PART 10?!!! Double Digits already!! Well people here we are at part 10. We are going to

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Previously:

There was comfortable silence in the car, most silence with Minnie was always comfortable. Then Changbin’s phone rang, Seungmin said “It’s Felix.”

Pick it up.” Changbin said Seungmin hit the green phone icon on his phone and put it on speaker, "Hey Lix we o-"

Felix sounded out of breath, “It’s Soo… she’s here.”

Bin’s POV:

My blood ran cold. We are still so far out. '`Where's Y/N?” was all I could get out. This is why I didn’t want to leave in the first place. This is torture. I know Minho is going to do his best to keep her out, if Soo is anything like Chris, it won’t be easy. I heard, “Where’s Binnie?” at almost the exact same time I asked for her. My foot pressed down on the accelerator as I waited for Felix to answer. I heard bickering in the back, one voice very condescending, “I am just trying to--” 

Then I heard Hyunjin snap, “What? What could you possibly want here? To apologize? To see if she’s okay? Well she isn’t thanks to you. Get out of the room now before I have to put my hands on you and drag you out.” That made me feel slightly better. Knowing that the boys are willing to do anything to ensure her safety. 

Felix responded, “She’s in bed with Hannie but she’s slipping, she’s already stopped answering everyone except for Hannie. She keeps on asking for you and I don’t know what to do.” The worry in Felix’s voice seemed more out of anxiety than danger.

“What about Soo, where is she?” I asked. 

“She keeps trying to get into the room, she walks in and tries to say things to Y/N but we form a wall, her voice is still triggering her. Hannie is trying to calm her but it isn’t working.” I heard more shuffling and more of that woman’s voice, “Y/N just let me talk.” I looked at Seungmin quickly and his face was completely different. He looked like he was going into war, just like mine, I’m sure. More than anything… I’m scared. She needs rest. The doctors said so after the last attack, only Hannie and I know. 

The doctors specifically took a read of her heart during the attack, they’re finding that there may be some changes in it. Something that right now may be harmless, or not, it all depends on how her heart responds to stress. Some people die from stress alone. 

They took Hannie out to explain the last bit and he messaged me later. Y/N is looking like the latter situation, the stress so high that the heart pumps too fast for too long and it just… I can’t finish that sentence. Judging by how Felix is reacting, he just seems normally worried. Fuck, I want her in my hands right now. I need her right now. That’s the only way I can make sure she’s okay. Without that I just feel like I’m living on borrowed time. 

I had to make my voice as even as possible as I made the call, to let the boys know, “Hand the phone to Hannie. After that, tell Hyunjinnah if he has to put hands on her, do it. Y/N is still unstable, the stress will make her heart stop, we don’t have a choice Lixie, she could die. I’ve seen it almost happen. I'll be damned if either of them take her from us. They already took her child, they aren’t getting her. Go and do that now, do it quietly, Lix.”

Felix said, “What?” I can tell he is worried. His face always shows any emotion he has, as well as his voice.

He can’t show worry in front of her, “Felix listen to me, if she can see your face look away from her. You cannot show how serious this is in front of her… Do you hear me?” I have never heard my voice come out this stern, I know he’s scared, I can hear it. I’m so scared if I wasn’t driving I’d be crying right now. 

“Yeah I hear you. It’s okay.” I could hear the uncertainty. Like he is asking for reassurance. I don’t blame him. When I read that text, it felt like my heart dropped into my stomach. She is so important in all of our lives. She may not believe it, but us being where we are now, with her; That is proof in and of itself how loved she is and the lengths that we’ll go through to make sure our family is protected.

“I promise you, if you do as I say it will be okay. I’m not letting her go, none of us are, she needs us to protect her right now. I know you can do that for me. You’re so strong Lix, repeat it to me, what do I need you to do?” I tried to make it as honest as possible. A lot of people see Felix as emotional. He is, but he is the strongest out of all of us, it’s his empathy that makes him so strong in situations like this. After all, I was a crying mess a few hours ago and no one tried to console me except for Lix. It’s because, just from looking at the situation, he can feel what you do. Your pain is his pain. That in and of itself proves invaluable for someone like me, who has problems explaining feelings.

“Hand the phone to Hannie, let Hyunjin know that if we need to use force we will.” Felix repeated it back to me calmly. 

“Good job Lix, hand the phone over.” I was trying to sound as strong as I possibly could. In reality, I feel like I am going into this blind. I know that I’ve seen it before. That doesn’t change the fear that is plaguing me right now. “Hannie, can you hear me?”

“Yeah Hyung.” I heard Han on the other end. He didn’t sound scared, just calm. Someone on the outside would think that’s great news. In reality, it’s terrifying, Han is only calm when he has to be. So to hear him nearly void of any and all inflection tells me that things are serious. “Talk to me, how is she looking?” I want a full picture of how she is doing> Without that I know I will go into a full panic.

“Heart rate’s 110, slowly climbing. Her skin’s clammy, can’t keep her eyes still, she’d starting to slip, Bin. She won’t stop asking for you. She keeps on looking for you. " He then addressed Y/N, “Anya, look at me please, can you do that for me?” Shit… It has to be bad. Hannie almost never uses that nickname. 

He calls her Anya because it’s his favorite character in an anime that both of them love, they rewatch it together all the time. The minute he met her he couldn’t stop calling her Anya. She loved it, of course, since that's her favorite character too. Her hair had pink highlights in it only to add to the nickname. She’s so strong and independent. It fit her perfectly, in Han’s eyes. 

He’s using that to try to get her to go back to a happy time, not the last time she saw Soo, “Remember that day, Anya? The day I gave you that nickname? In New York?” 

I just heard the smallest, most broken voice, “Binnie, I want Binnie to make her go away. Hannie, can you help me find my Binnie please?” I could hear the thickness of unshed tears trying to fight their way out. Hearing her made my eyes wince reflexively. She’s regressing, sounding more like a child by the minute. The pain is literally shocking her back to a time where she had no idea how to handle the pain, but people could help, when she was a child. It was the same thing that happened in the last attack. It’s her brain trying to protect her. 

“Put me on speaker, Hannie.” After I heard some shuffling and what sounded like someone tapping on the phone I said, “Angel?”

“Binnie, where are you?” Just hearing her say that name with that tone, it ripped my heart out. She sounded like she was shrinking, I could sense it in her tone, the way she was holding on to the present.

“I was getting your brownies for you.” I used a lighter tone. I always did with her, I couldn’t help it. The fondness I hold for her constricts my vocal cords, sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe around her, not from being suffocated but from being struck by how gorgeous she is. No matter what, even after Chris married her, she always came to me for comfort. Even when we're watching horror movies, she would hold on to me and hide behind my upper arm, gripping my biceps like they had the antidote, the solution. She would hold me like I was going to chase away the monsters on the screen. That reminded me that this time I wasn’t there to chase away the monster, and I felt rage at that, rage and fear.

“Oh yeah… you’re coming back? M’scared.” That tone. She was slipping again, just my luck that right when she said that is when we hit a red light. I looked at Seungmin and he nodded, I blew right through the light. “Make her go away, Binnie, she’s saying mean things,” I started to hear her voice crack, I could see her shrinking in my mind. Trying to make herself as small as possible, trying not to get hurt. Tears started forming in my eyes as I heard her.

“I am almost there, okay Angel? I’m going to make sure she doesn’t come near you ... Can you tell me where MinMin is, Angel?” This question served two purposes. It both keeps her grounded and it gives me a gauge of where I am needed more. Right now I need to know if I need to blow by Soo to protect Y/N, talk her out of a flashback, or if I can deal with Soo personally. All of it hinges on Minho.

“He… He… MinMin?” I heard her ask. I could hear the fear laced in her tone. That tone makes me want to hide her from everyone and everything. 

 Then I heard a soothing tone of voice, “I’m here Beautiful, don’t worry.” It was Minho. That allowed me to breathe for a second. I know Soo won’t touch her.

She answered me,“He’s at the door… Keeping…” I could hear more of a little scuffle, shifting around, sneakers on a concrete floor, talking… But nothing from her.  The closer I listened the more I heard.

“I just want to make sure she’s okay, I’m still her best friend.” I heard Soo say.

Hyunjin fired back with, “No you’re not her best friend. We are her best friends and unlike you, we won’t stab her in the back. Funny how best friends aren’t supposed to do that.”

“Hannie what’s happening?” I couldn’t help the uptick in my anxiety. If I could just look at her, if she could see me and I could see her maybe it’d give me more time. But I can’t, it’s too dark. No matter what I did, whatever solutions I was coming up with it all came down to time I didn’t have to get to her. The threat is there now. Here I am so far away. 

“She’s staring off.” I heard Han and my stomach dropped. 

“Angel? Are you there? Keep talking to me…” I am trying so hard not to add to the chaos. I am doing everything to breathe normally, stay calm. I am struggling, I want her to be safe, that's all I ever wanted, I just wanted her happy and safe. 

“Binnie… why did this happen?” She said, in a very calm tone. That scared me as I am sure Han is watching the heart monitor. I had to snap her out of it. I’m 10 minutes away. I’ll make it in 5. “Hey Angel, let me ask you a question.” I said as I cut through a deserted parking lot, avoiding another light. 

“Yes?” She was close to the phone but so far away in her mind. I was semi- ecstatic that she answered me, usually that isn’t the case. I could hear the disorientation. I had to get her back to the here and now.

“You always wanted to go to Nami Island to take pictures, right?” I asked.

“Yeah! The trees are amazing in spring! And they have snowmen cakes around this time! Every season is so gorgeous.” I could hear some excitement, but overall monotone. It was similar to the voice she’d use when Chris made a promise that she knew he wouldn’t keep. Like she’s already over the thought of what was said was actually going to happen. 

I giggled, “Ok how about when things calm down we go to Nami Island, then? And as soon as the seasons change and Nami Island is at its peak I’ll take you again.” 

“Really?! You’d take me?” It was almost like her mind had to take the time out to realize that I am not Chris and that when I tell her something, that I will do it. That made me feel so sad for her. No one should go through what she went through. 

“Sweetheart, I will take you anywhere all you have to do is say the word.” I said honestly. That’s how it’s always been. Whenever she wanted to go out she wouldn’t go to Chris, he’d get mad for being disturbed, she told me. She hated going out alone though. One day I walked by their room to hear her ask meekly and he told her that his answer won’t change, he had no time for her. I continued to the kitchen and instead of reaching for the preworkout, I looked for any reason to call her over. When I did, I called her over. I could tell she was crying so I just opened my arms, asking what’s wrong. 

“You have been through so much, I just want to see you do what you love, without worry. We can be there as long as you want, okay?” I told her. I already know that I am not going anywhere without her for a long time. Fuck going to the studio. Fuck the 3 hour long dance practices, that is not a things at this point. I know that Chris is going to do anything he can to get to her alone. He is smart, that much is apparent. He’s definitely not going to let her go easily. I can feel my hands subconsciously tightening on the wheel. Just by what I heard from the kitchen minutes ago, he thinks that she belongs to him, that is some fucked up archaic shit. She is her own person. Her own beautiful, loving, caring person. She deserves to be treated as such.

“Thank you, Binnie,” I could hear her tone still small, but excited slightly. 

“Anything for you, Angel.” I don’t think she realizes that I will literally do anything for her. I’d give all of this up. Hell I am still trying to convince myself to stay on this team, I can’t see myself being in a room with Chris again, yet I am expected to somehow cohabitate with him. I can feel the saliva build in my mouth as my intestines twist. I’d do anything to keep her safe, happy. To let her know that she’s loved. 

“She wasn’t taking care of him…. Not the way I could, look at her! She can’t even handle her best friend talking to her!” I heard the sarcasm spew from Soo’s mouth. It made rage build in my stomach. Then I heard Hyunjin again, “You are fucking delusional to think that you are in any league near Y/N. You are a spineless cretin, she’s a caring person. A person who loved you like a sister. The only person who could look at a piece of shit like you and find something good in them.” I couldn’t help the smirk on my face from hearing Hyunjin reading her for filth. “The only reason why she can’t ‘handle’ a waste of space like you is because you did this to her. You broke her along with Chris!”

“Are you coming here soon?” I heard her whimpering as I continued to break every speed limit known to man, “she won’t leave me alone. Make her go away. She’s saying things,” I could hear the shake in her voice. She is trying so hard to stay here in the present.

“Angel, I am one minute away as soon as I get there, I’m going to make her go away. Minnie’s going to come in and take care of you while I make sure she’s gone, okay?” I tried to fight the shaking in my voice, but I can't help it. 

“You’re coming back to me after?” She asked.

“Absolutely, I will be right next to you, sounds good, Angel?” I asked. Being next to her always made me feel like I was home. It was the weirdest sensation whenever we were on tour or anything like that. I never got to see here daily, which was also torturous. I hated it. It wasn’t like I could call her daily either, it was more of a reminder than anything that I am just a friend, not her husband. Being next to her is where I belong. I feel it in my bones. Just thinking about being next to her is soothing to me. 

“Yeah…”

The next minute we were in front of the hospital I looked to Seungmin and he said, “Go, I’ll park the car. I’ll stay on with Birdie in the meantime.” Thank God for Kim Seungmin. I don’t know how he knows what I need to do. Especially when I can’t even keep my head on straight right now. My guess is that he could see the distress in my face. I immediately got out of the car and bolted into the hospital. I was trying to find the quickest way to her, and to get Soo away. I decided on the stairs since she was only on the third floor. I was taking two or three steps at a time. 

The utter desperation I am feeling is something that I have never felt before. I’ve never cared about or for anyone like this before. It’s like the fear and the desperation come with a feeling like my very being is being threatened. I can’t do any of it without her. I’m not just talking about performing and singing, no, I can’t breathe without her. I don’t want to eat, workout, I can’t function, period. That’s why I have to keep her safe. I’m not just protecting her because she is loving and kind, I am protecting her because I love her. She has my heart and she always did, from the second I looked at her she had it. The minute she laughed she had my soul, she may not know it or care in the same way but I don’t care. I love her. 

By the time I made it to the third floor, my lungs were burning, only adding to the rage that I was feeling. I heard Hyunjin speaking slightly louder than anyone should in a hospital hallway as I speed walked down the hallway. I ran into one of the nurses and told them to call security that the other person that caused it is here. I told them I’m taking her to the waiting room to separate her from Y/N. They nodded. The closer I got the more my veins popped. 

One second she was arguing with Hyunjin just inside the doorway and the next I wrapped my arm around her midsection and picked her up, dragging her out of the room as I said, “Hannie, Minho with me. Lix, check on Angel make sure she’s okay, Seungmin-ah is coming up soon.” Then I directed my voice to Y/N, “I’m here Angel I’ll be back in a few minutes.” 

Soo was struggling in my grasp but I didn’t care. I lift almost 300 pounds for fun, and she thinks that she can get out of my grasp? “Get off of me!” She squawked. All I did was glare at her and say, “You and I are going to have a little conversation about boundaries.” 

The nurses that knew who I was at this point, since I had been there the whole time. They also knew that I’m a sweetheart, but they also knew that I love Y/N so their faces also turned with smiles as they saw me dragging Soo. They probably knew from my face alone that I’m currently holding the last of the trash to be thrown out of Y/N’s life. 

I heard Han and Minho’s footsteps behind me as I walked into the waiting room. As soon as the door was closed and locked I grabbed one of the chairs and plopped her in it. “If you move from there. I will pick you back up and put you back. You understand?” I caged her into the chair. She nodded her head, not good enough. “Oh you had no problem talking shit when I wasn’t here, now you’re all of a sudden unable to speak?” She shook her head, “Then fucking use your voice. You’re so brave saying that she can’t handle talking to you yet you forget that you literally KILLED her CHILD.” I screamed in her face, and she shrunk away. 

I felt Han’s hand on my shoulder, silently begging me to back off I’m sure. I have never been this bad  as I backed off and dragged a chair and sat right in front of her, “You are such a piece of garbage. What were you trying to do by coming here?” I leaned back in the chair, not letting my eyes leave hers. Just trying to remind her that right now, if I let myself, I’d crush her in a heartbeat. 

I heard two more chairs dragged next to me. 

She looked at all three of us as she said, “I wanted to see if it’s true, if she really is as broken as I was told.” I could see the corners of her lips fighting a smile. 

“If you don’t wipe that smile off your face, I’ll wipe it off for you.”  Minho glared at her as I stared at her. I knew that Minho is very attached to Y/N. The fact that he is reacting like this, is a little new. He has always had respect for everyone, I can also understand where he’s coming from. She means so much to us. We wouldn’t hesitate. “You wouldn’t dare, Minho,” She laughed.

“He won’t… too much respect… I however,” I stated very matter-of-factly, “Have a very hard line, Soo. I don’t touch women in any violent way ever… But if anyone messes with my family and with whe people I love? All of a sudden gender is irrelevant… So the next time you speak, I recommend you speak with that in mind.” I saw the blood drain from her face, I felt a new level of base in my voice. The anger is starting to reach a level I can’t control.  

Minho added on with “Usually I’d have too much respect. That was before what you said about Y/N.  About her losing the baby being a good thing. That it’d make the divorce less messy…”

My eyes went wide as my heart dropped on the floor, shattered. When did this happen? How did this happen? I looked away from Soo for the first time, “I don’t think I heard you correctly… She said WHAT?”

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[deansapplepie]

Who’s the one staring now?

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Hovarth!Reader

Warnings: mention of adoption, mentions of parents death, first little fight of our staring couple. 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

A/N: third part to my series of shorts The Staring Contest, continuation to Watcha lookin at? and Looking good, Dixon!

You were bored. Pretty and deeply bored, so when you heard the younger Dixon was going to hunt without his brother, you thought… why not going with him? You asked him and he tried to find ways of not taking you with him without saying ‘no’.

“Do ya have a weapon besides that shitty knife?” You didn’t, but in a minute you got a riffle with your father and he ran out of excuses, or maybe he just wanted you to go and see how it went.

And that’s the reason why you were now following him on the woods, eyes on his broad shoulders, shamelessly staring every time his arms flexed and contracted to put a new arrow on his crossbow. “Did ya come to hunt or to stare at me?” Even if he couldn’t see, he could feel the weight of your eyes on him. Don’t get him wrong, he liked this staring game between both of you, but hunting was basically his job and it annoyed him not having it done seriously and efficiently.

“Can’t I do both?” You answered trying your luck.

“You can, if ya were actually hunting something. Do you even know how to use that thing?” He stopped and pointed out your riffle.

“Think my dad would have lent me if I didn’t?” You answered challenging.

“I have no idea what yer dad would have done or not, sunshine. What I know is we’re here to hunt and that’s what we’re doing, if yer not taking it seriously you’d better go back.” His eyes burned on you and somehow you knew this time you had really pissed him.

“Who’s the one staring now?” Even your guts telling you to stop you just kept going and that’s it, you managed successfully to reach his boiling point.

“Everything is a joke to ya, isn’t it? Not everyone was born with a silver spoon on their mouth and in case you didn’t notice the world went to shit and there’s people depending on what we hunt to survive.” Here he was jumping to assumptions.

“Wow, you really made a research on me. Even in the middle of the apocalypse, I’m impressed. Can you please share where this silver spoon is? I wouldn’t know cause I never met my biological parents.” Here he was was taken aback, you were adopted. “Even if… if my father had money and was rich, do you think we would be hiding in a quarry?”

“I… ok, I’m feeling like an asshole now.” He confessed unable to take his eyes from you as it has always been since he landed them on you.

“You should, cause you were one. Did your mom never taught you to not judge a book by its cover?” And here there were you stepping on unknown lands and risking your neck.

“No, she died when I was 8.” He simply answered letting you without a single word to say back to him. “Who’s the asshole now?

Wanna be added to my tag list? Let me know. (Please tell me if you want to be tagged on everything or just specific series) Everything Taglist: @lilyevanstan1325 @hayley1998 @vaniniweenie @cupidelocke @avabh12 @whore4romance @dixondystopia @dixons-sunshine @bigbaldheadname @negansbestie

The Staring Contest Taglist: @diffidentphantom

Mdni banner by @anitalenia

[merrybloomwrites]

You Can Start a Family (Extra: Getting High)

Summary: Y/N's never tried weed before, and has an interesting night trying it for the first time with the three people she loves and trusts the most.

AN: This is a story about people getting high, written by someone who's never been high. I did a fair amount of research, so I hope it's accurate enough to what people experience lol

Previous Chapters:

Main Story: One ; Two ; Three ; Four ; Five ; Six ; Seven ; Eight ; Nine ; Ten

Sickfic Part 1 ; Part 2

Mitchrry Prequel

Fan Reactions

Holiday Blues

Mitchryy Reunion

Word Count: 2.8K

CW: Mentions of smut & daddy kink; drug use

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It’s a perfect Friday morning. You’re sitting at the kitchen table of your LA home with Sarah, Mitch, and Harry. Sarah had surprised you all with a full English breakfast “just because” and you’re enjoying every delicious bite.

It’s so good that everyone is practically silent, no one wants to take a break from eating to say anything. You’re the first to get full so you decide to start up some conversation. There’s something you’ve been wanting to ask them but have been too shy to actually voice your question.

Deciding to finally go for it, you break the silence saying, “What’s it like to get high?”

Simultaneously, all three of them stop mid chew to stare at you, completely caught off guard by your question.

Harry composes himself first and after finishing his bite of food he says, “Well it depends on what drug you’ve taken.” You’re grateful for the way he responded, showing that they’ll take the conversation seriously and not as a joke.

It’s no secret that he and Mitch have done a couple different drugs in the past. It’s common knowledge that “She” was written by Mitch while he was under the influence of psychedelic drugs. And everyone’s heard the story of Harry biting off part of his tongue while high on mushrooms.

Harry has also mentioned having done coke once or twice, and that admittedly makes you a little nervous. You went through the DARE program growing up where you’d been taught that all drugs will ruin your life and kill you. So while you never judge others for occasionally getting a little high, it does make you somewhat nervous that something bad could happen when they do.

You voice your concerns to them, and they talk you through what drugs they’ve tried, what it was like, and how they ensure their safety while under the influence. By the end you’re feeling better about everything.

But you notice one thing they left out.

“And what about weed?” You ask.

“What about it?” Mitch asks.

“What are you guys like when you smoke it? Eat it? Whatever you all do with pot,” you clarify.

“The boys prefer to smoke,” Sarah answers, “And I don’t like smoking, so I’ll have some edibles if I want to participate.”

“We all get pretty mellow,” Mitch says to answer your question.

“You can be more mellow?” You inquire jokingly, referring to his generally calm demeanor.

“He just sits there all smiley,” Harry says.

Sarah laughs and adds, “Yea, until he starts getting extra horny.”

You blush thinking about what that must be like and then ask, “What about you two? What are you guys like?”

“Sarah gets very giggly. And chatty,” Mitch answers. “And Harry gets the munchies.”

“Seriously?” You ask. Harry, the person in this relationship who is most regimented about what he eats and rarely ever snacks, gets the munchies?

“Oh, for sure,” Harry answers. “All bets are off when I’m high. Calories don’t count,” he finishes with a shrug.

“I wonder what I’d be like,” you say quietly.

“Y/N, do you want to try it? We’d all be with you, make sure nothing happens,” Sarah says.

You sit silently for a moment, debating what to say. This was another goal of yours for this conversation. You want to try getting high, especially with the three of them, who you trust more than anyone. You had been offered weed at a couple parties before, and always turned it down, nervous that something could go wrong. But here? With Sarah, and Mitch, and Harry? Well, that sounds like it could actually be fun.

You nod and say, “Yea, I kind of do want to try.”

“Okay,” Harry says. “We can make that happen.”

After that, the conversation turns to other topics as you finish eating and cleaning up breakfast. Harry spends a good chunk of the day writing. Mitch helps him but heads to the grocery store in the afternoon. Meanwhile, you and Sarah work in the garden, getting it ready to put in some new plants.

Happy with your progress for the day, you head inside to take a shower. When you’re done and dressed you walk down to the living room where Sarah, also freshly showered, and Harry and sitting together on the couch. You join them, sitting beside Harry. He talks a bit about what he worked on so far and then you finally hear the door opening, alerting you all that Mitch has returned from the store.

All three of you join him in the kitchen, helping to put the groceries away. You get to one bag that looks different from the others, like it came from a different store, but it still just seems to contain some different snacks, namely chocolates and some gummy candies. You get a closer look and notice the little leaf symbol on all of the packages.

“Uhm, Mitch? What is this?” You know what it is, or at least, you’re mostly sure, but it feels like a good idea to actually confirm.

He looks over to see what you’re holding and smirks before saying, “Well that would be weed. Figured it wouldn’t hurt to grab some after our talk this morning.”

“Can we try it?”

“Sure,” he replies.

“Tonight?” You ask.

“Are you sure?” Sarah confirms.

“I mean, it seems like a good time. We have a free weekend, which never happens. And I don’t want to overthink it more than I already have.”

“Ok,” Harry responds. “After dinner if you still want to then these will be our dessert,” he says, taking the bag of goodies from you and putting it in a cabinet, far away from the rest of the snacks.

“Sorry it’s only edibles,” Mitch says to Harry. “Sarah doesn’t smoke, and I didn’t think Y/N would either. And you don’t like smoking alone so, yea.”

“Are you not joining us?” Sarah asks.

“Not this time, I want to stay sober just in case.”

“Look at you, going into daddy mode,” Harry jokes.

There’s a flicker in Mitch’s eyes at that, something you’ve never seen before. “Haven’t heard that nickname in a long time,” Mitch says.

“You haven’t earned it,” Harry replies, tone definitely cheeky, and a little suggestive. You tuck the encounter away in your mind, making a note to ask them about whatever that just was at another time.

Now that everything seems to be decided, you turn to start making dinner. With the prospect of a new experience on the horizon you need to do something that’s familiar to you. Sarah helps you cook, and the boys clean up after.

Once everyone is in comfy clothes you meet up back in the living room. Mitch is holding the chocolate bar and gives you a look before asking, “Still want to try this?”

“I do,” you reply. You’re excited, even if you’re slightly nervous about how you might act or if you might say something stupid while under the influence.

“Alright,” he replies.

Mitch opens the package, breaking off three pieces and handing one to each of you. He then passes the rest to Harry, saying, “You might want one more in a bit. It’s a pretty low dose.”

You pop the chocolate in your mouth, a thrill going through you at doing something you’ve always been told was dangerous. It’s silly to feel this way, knowing now that the likelihood of this having any type of negative outcome is extremely slim, but it still feels almost reckless in an exciting way.

Nothing happens for a bit, but you expected that. Harry ends up taking one more piece, and you wonder if you should as well. Before you can even ask, Mitch says, “No more for you, give it time.”

Sarah adds, “It’ll kick in soon, trust me.”

And she isn’t wrong. You don’t notice it happening, but eventually you feel different. Your body feels kind of tingly, and you’re smiling but you don’t really know why.

The next thing you know, you and Sarah are discussing the garden at length. The area you have set aside is totally not big enough. You need way more space so you can grow veggies and berries and like, three orange trees so you can make your own orange juice every morning. Harry gets up no less than five times to retrieve snacks from the kitchen and you discover you’re actually starving, which is weird because wasn’t dinner an hour ago? You’re never hungry so soon after a meal.

Some more time apparently passes, and you and Sarah are now laughing at a story Harry’s telling about his craziest fan encounter.

Suddenly you remember a comment from earlier and turn to Mitch. He’s sitting next to you on the couch, completely entertained by the antics of the three of you and doesn’t miss when your attention focuses on him.

When you don’t say anything for over a minute he gives you a confused look and says, “Can I help you?”

“Why did Harry call you daddy earlier?” You ask.

At this question both Mitch and Harry blush. BLUSH. You don’t think you’ve ever seen that before.

Mitch looks at your doe eyed, innocent expression and thinks for a minute how he’s going to explain this to you. He sometimes forgets that all your sexual experience has been with him, and there’s a lot you’re unfamiliar with. Sure, the fact that you have sex with three people at once might seem adventurous, but the sex you all have tends to be mostly very vanilla. Mitch watches your inquisitive expression as he figures out the best way to explain daddy kinks and dom/sub dynamics to you.

He decides to start by asking you, “Have you heard of daddy kinks before?”

Your eyes go wide as you realize that this is going down a sexual route. Sarah starts giggling next to you at your reaction and you pout before saying, “Don’t laugh at me, you know I was sheltered!”

“I don’t mean to, you’re just so adorable when you're all shocked and naive,” she replies.

Sarah then shifts on the couch so she’s laying sideways, her back against the armrest. She pulls you to her, so your back is against her chest. Mitch slides closer and Harry takes the seat next to him. You and Sarah both stretch out your legs over Mitch’s lap until your feet rest on Harry. You feel all warm inside, getting to be in contact with all three of them.

“Sorry for laughing,” Sarah says quietly in your ear. “You know how much we love teaching you new things.” You shutter involuntarily at her suggestive tone. She wraps her arms around your middle as Mitch says, “You never answered my question.”

“There was a question?” You say and start giggling. You search your fuzzy brain, trying to remember what he asked you, then trying to remember what you guys were even talking about.

“I asked you if you knew what a Daddy kink is,” he says, watching you closely in case you had another entertaining reaction.

This time your face goes serious, and Mitch can literally see the wheels turning in your mind as you come up with an answer.

After a literal minute of thinking you reply with a decisive, “No.”

“Okay. So, a common misconception is that someone with a daddy kink has daddy issues. And that could be the case for some people but that’s not really what it is. It’s about power dynamics. Like one person gives over control to the other person. And the one with control would be considered daddy.”

“Mitch, that was a fucking terrible explanation,” Harry says. “Y/N, did that make sense to you?”

“Not really, no.”

Sarah decides to take over and says, “Do you remember the night after one of the Wembley shows when we teased you on the ride home?” You immediately remember what she’s talking about and a shutter of pleasure runs through your body at the memory. “And when we got back to the room we edged you even more and wouldn’t let you come? And then made you come multiple times until you passed out?”

“Holy shit,” Harry says. “Why have I never asked about things you did before I joined? Fuck, that sounds hot.”

You blush at the memory and Sarah continues, saying, “That night, Mitch and I had the power. We were in control of your pleasure. You trusted us to take care of you. That’s what a dom/sub dynamic is about. And there’s different titles that doms go by, like sir and ma’am or daddy and mommy. Depends on personal preference.”

“And Mitch prefers daddy?” You ask. He huffs out a laugh and looks visibly flustered at this question, so you say, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Oh, he for sure prefers daddy,” Harry adds. “The first time I let it slip out, he came instantaneously.” Your body starts to heat up and you squirm in Sarah’s lap as Harry continues, “I’d asked him to restrain me and just take what he wanted. He went full daddy mode and didn’t even realize. One of the hottest things I’ve ever experienced.”

You can’t sit still any longer, so you move, your limbs uncoordinated due to the drugs and lust clouding your mind, but you finally succeed in straddling Mitch’s lap.

“I wanna do that,” you say.

“Do what exactly?” Mitch presses.

“I dunno. Everything. Anything you guys want to do. I want to give up control,” you answer.

“Darling, I don’t think you’ve ever been in control in bed,” Sarah says with another giggle.

“Okay but like, I wanna do it legit. Please, daddy?” You say with puppy dog eyes looking right at Mitch.

He groans, and you think you’re getting your way, so you move to kiss him and grind down in his lap. His hands grip your waist and frustratingly, they stop your movements.

“Look at me, baby,” he says, and your eyes dart back to meet his. “We can try it, but not now.”

“Why not?” You whine.

“Because you’re high and can’t fully consent. We all have to be sober to do this the right way. And there’s a lot we need to talk about first. We need to discuss limits, safe words, things like that. Okay?”

“Fine. But I won’t forget this.”

“Trust me babe, neither will I,” he replies, nipping at your ear and you give him a dirty look for teasing you.

“Now, why don’t we watch a movie?” Mitch suggests.

“Emperor's New Groove!” You immediately shout.

“What’s that one about?” Harry asks.

“Seriously? You’ve never seen it?” He shakes his head no and you look at the other two who confirm they’d never watched it either.

“NONE of you have seen Emperor's New Groove? That’s a fucking travesty.” They all burst into laughter since you never curse but this seems to be high enough stakes to earn the explicit word.

“We are watching it. Right now.” You jump off the couch, stumbling across the room to grab the remote. You plop back into Sarah’s lap, legs outstretched over the boys, and concentrate on putting the movie on.

Before you press play you say, “I have one very important question.”

“And what would that be, love?” Harry asks.

“Are there more snacks?”

Without a word he gets up and makes a trip to the kitchen, bringing back an assortment of treats.

You grab some of the chocolates and start the movie.

You’re all a giggling mess watching the movie, and you’re starting to get very sleepy by the time it’s over. Mitch has his work cut out for him, rounding the three of you up and helping you all get ready for bed. You cooperate with brushing your teeth and washing your face, but refuse to put pants on, arguing that it’s too warm and all you want is one of Harry’s t-shirts. You also refuse to walk from the bathroom to the bedroom, and Mitch steps in before Sarah can try picking you up while she’s still unsteady herself.

You’re basically dead weight in Mitch’s arms, and you laugh uncontrollably when he gently throws you onto the mattress. The night ends with all four of you together in bed, exchanging “I love you” back and forth repeatedly.

You fall asleep on top of Mitch, and he thinks back to how the evening went. He can’t help but smile at the fact that high Y/N is basically a combination of the other three when high. You laugh and talk uncontrollably like Sarah, snack like Harry, and get a bit more horny than usual like Mitch.

And he certainly won’t forget the conversation you’d had any time soon. He hopes the rest of you won’t either. As he strokes your hair and looks fondly at Sarah and Harry sleeping at his sides, he feels like today was a perfect day. And he can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.

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AN: Thank you so much for reading! Requests are open so if you want to see anything specific, let me know!

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[wonijinjin]

figure you out

author’s note: the request can be found here

synopsis: the members of seventeen think you look rather scary while dino says otherwise, but who is right?

word count: 1.6k | genre: fluff, a bit of angst, hurt/comfort | pairing: idol! dino x gn! idol! reader | warnings: reader has low self esteem in some parts

you have always been told that you look intimidating, but until the point of getting to know seventeen you never really believed it. you were the leader of the newly debuted group of HYBE, and with that title came many responsibilities; you had never imagined this to be as hard as it was, always keeping everything you had to do as a leader in mind is a tough job for sure, so you being stressed was an understatement.

chan first saw you at the HYBE building, walking to (he supposed was) practice, a frown evident on your face the whole time, only forming into a shy smile when you greeted him with a bow. first he thought you were kind of scary, he never saw you really smile, a somewhat sad and tired look always being prominent on your face. it was rare to see you show many emotions during times he got the chance to see you, but when you did he felt he was hit by cupid; your laugh (which he sadly couldn’t hear often) would always light up the hallway, and he always caught himself smiling when he heard it.

of course it is not a surprise that soon enough the other members of seventeen caught up to his lovesick look when he saw you even for a moment. “chan, are you kidding me? you have a crush on y/n? but how? like no offense or anything, but y/n always gives everyone this angry look and never talks to anyone, it is kinda scary to be honest.” dk asked him when they decided to take a break during dance practice. “and y/n also has a laugh that is so beautiful, i am not threatened by a frown, i want to hear that laugh again, i want to hear it again because i made y/n laugh.” he said while having that warm look on his face again, even just the thought of you made him excited and happy. “also, you are quite rude to be judging a person by their appearance, you know?” chan answered while raising his brows in disagreement. “okay i’m just saying! you really are interested in y/n, huh? i have never seen you defend someone this quickly, well except for our members of course.” dk sighed.

a week after this conversation the members decided to take matters into their own hands; they needed to figure out what kind of person you were, after all it was about their dear youngest member’s emotions, which they wanted to protect at all costs.

the duo of mingyu and scoups took on the responsibility of stalking you after schedules, which you of course didn’t know about. you often stayed behind after schedules so they followed you to the practice room, and peeked in, watching you get to work with your debut song’s choreo, while preparing for your first comeback’s dances aswell. they watched as you fell, trying to learn one of the difficult moves over and over again, with not much success. ten minutes later there you were, on the floor, panting, silently sobbing. “how am i in this group in the first place? why can’t i learn faster? the others depend on me, i need to get this right to help them!” you mumbled to yourself, trying to collect some motivation to continue.

“poor little thing.” scoups said, knowing how difficult it is for a leader to always be on top of the situation. “i remember how hard we had to work even in our rookie days, this brings back memories.” mingyu added. meanwhile you stood up and collected your belongings, ready to leave the room. “oh wait y/n has already finished, let’s go.” mingyu whispered, dragging scoups with him so you wouldn’t see them.

next time the members of seventeen got to see a bit more of you was at lunchtime in the cafeteria of HYBE, where you sat alone, laptop next to you. you were interacting with your fans on Weverse, which they learned was a frequent activity of yours; you wanted to communicate with them as much as you could, so even during lunch you couldn’t miss commenting on posts and telling the fans to always eat and sleep well in cute little videos. after being done with your SNS duties, you continued work with writing lyrics for your already half-finished solo song which you hoped would be included on an album one day, also practicing for helping in future productions for your group.

“woah, y/n is still working even at lunch?” joshua pointed in your direction from the other side, dk whom he was with snapping his head where you sat. “where are the other group members though?” dk questioned, confused. “i just saw them leave as they were done for the day.” joshua replied. “so they really left y/n here alone? man, that is kind of sad.” you finished your lunch and got up, leaving quickly. joshua and dk were curious about where you headed as anyone who was done with their day at work would’ve definitely gone home. well, not you, you went to practice your vocals a bit in the vocal room, they could clearly hear your voice from the halllway. “damn, y/n has a great voice.” joshua said, dk agreeing. “and i didn’t know they had a song like this!” dk raised his brows, further listening to the lyrics. “because they don’t! i think y/n may have written this! so this must be what all that work earlier was about!” joshua figured. it has to be said; they were pretty impressed by your passion and hard work, so much so that they were starting to feel guilty about questioning why chan had a crush on you.

“honestly, y/n is a pretty cool person, next time we shouldn’t judge only depending on a first impression.” scoups said when the members were together at a restaurant, at their monthly dinner meeting. “see? i told you, and i bet y/n is so much more kindhearted, we just haven’t seen enough yet.” chan replied, finally satisfied with his members liking you. to their surprise you entered the room with a mop in your hand, apron on your waist. when you saw them your face went pale for a moment, not knowing how to act with your seniors all at a table on the opposite side. seungkwan was the first to talk to you, saying hi and questioning why you were there dressed like a worker of the place. “well, actually this restaurant is my grandparents’ and on days i have time i always come by to help them, especially with cleaning so they don’t have to do it after closing.” you replied with a small smile. “seriously? this is so considerate of you, on top of everything you still help them, you are so sweet!” chan said as the others were too stunned to speak; never in their lives did they imagine you to be this responsible and humble. “well, i am trying my best to be helpful.” you chuckled, which made chan’s heart jump.

after finishing their meal the members were getting ready to leave when chan spoke up. “i will stay a bit more, seeing if i can help y/n with anything here.” this earned a knowing look from his members, patting him on the back as they left. you came outside only to find him standing in front of you. “do you need help with anything? i thought i might ask you know, it must be hard to handle this all by yourself.” he grinned, to which you replied with a giggle. “thank you, but i don’t need any help. don’t you have somethingto say to me though? perhaps another reason why you stayed behind?” you grinned, waiting for him to realise that you knew; you saw how he looked at you many times when you two ran into each other at the company building. “was i that obvious? this is kind of embarrassing then, as you already know that i want to confess to you.” he blushed. “i was wondering why you never came up to me to be honest.” he looked away. “well, you always looked like you didn’t want anybody to speak to you, or like you could fall asleep every minute, so it wasn’t quite easy to approach you.” he said in a lower tone. “am i really that scary to people around me? for real?” your jaw was on the floor, not believing that the things people say about you always looking kind of unfriendly was true. “yeah…the members thought you seemed too cold-looking fir a period of time…” chan admitted, not daring to look into your eyes. “but

that has changed of course, they really admire you, just like i do.” he quickly added. “i am so sorry, i just look like that, i have many things to do so i don’t get much sleep and i am always lost in thought, so that must explain the frown.” you looked down, feeling bad that the members didn’t like you, even to the point of needing to be convinced somehow. he moved closer to you. “i don’t mind it. i like you the way you are y/n. i think i have been having a crush on you since the first moment i saw you, frown or not, i like really like you, and i want to get to know you better in the future.” he whispered, his eyes looking at your lips. “well i like you too, but are you gonna kiss me already or am i still that scary then?” you mumbled. he didn’t need anything else to give him a green light, kissing you quickly. after pulling apart he laughed. “then would you be mine?” he asked. “i am already yours, chan.”

[musicalmoritz]

Can you analyze Aoikane? Like does aoi really like Akane? Is Akane a good person to her? Doesn’t he just treat her like everyone else? Even after the severance arc?

I’m glad you asked this! I’ve written a lot about Aoi and Akane as separate characters but I haven’t really gotten to go in depth explaining their relationship. This won’t cover everything but I’ll try to address all your questions. Just a heads up, I incorporated a mix of canon evidence and personal interpretation here. I tried to address each time I was purely stating my perspective but be aware that this is very opinionated

So to answer your first question, “Does Aoi really like Akane?” the answer is no…Aoi LOVES Akane. Aoi is love with Akane to an embarrassing degree, dare I say more embarrassing than the time Mitsuba said “yes sir” to Kou

On a more serious note, Aoi loving Akane is a core part of their development. If Aoi didn’t love Akane, Akane never would have fallen in love with Aoi

This right here is the key moment, the moment when Akane realizes what he means to Aoi. He offhandedly tells her he hates her, and it makes her cry. At that age, nothing made Aoi cry, not even bullies. But she felt so strongly about Akane that the mere thought of him hating her was enough to bring her to tears

Akane’s character arc centers largely around coming to understand, empathize with, and help the people around him, so when he sees someone who needs him he goes all in offering his help. When he saw that Aoi loved him, that she would cry if he hated her, all he wanted to do was make her happy and make her feel loved. This is what he dedicated his life to, judging by everything we know about his relationship with Aoi after this event

Another way we know Aoi loves Akane is because she tells us this herself! She asks Hanako to talk about love and then explains her past with Akane. Before this, when Aoi got left behind leaving Hakubo’s boundary, she confessed to the audience that she loves Akane (“I never got to tell him I like him”). That line has clear romantic connotations, especially for a series that places so much emphasis on confession scenes. But on the train, we learn why Aoi loves Akane

To Aoi, Akane is everything she is not. He is naturally liked by people, hard-working, and kind. Aoi seems to view Akane as the epitome of a good person, and herself as the opposite. Think of it as a sun/moon dynamic, we see this with many ships in the series. Hanako seems to think similarly about Nene, considering himself a murderer and then viewing Nene as this ball of sweetness. When asked what he likes about her, he simply says “Everything.” Even Aoi was shocked lol (but this ain’t about them)

It confuses me that a lot of fans ask why Aoi likes Akane when she’s outright stated it herself. It could be that some of them haven’t finished the manga (not saying that’s you btw that wasn’t one of your questions), and hey there’s no shame in that. I just wish they would either admit they haven’t read it or look up the chapters they need to read because their arguments are lacking some pretty key information😭 Guys, step one of analyzing is to READ. But I digress

I think another explanation would be that fans don’t understand Aoi’s character, they still subconsciously view her as Nene’s popular best friend. They may not think they do, because they think the extent of her facade is pretending to be perfect. They don’t understand how she looks down on people, how she only thought about herself when Nene and Akane started acting different, and how she gets emotionally dependent on the people closest to her. There’s a reason for that too, many fans don’t like that side of Aoi. They see her express an unhealthy attachment style and decide the problem is AoiAoi rather than Aoi as a character, so they completely erase her flawed management of relationships when they write her

Aoi displays an avoidant attachment style, she pushes away the people she wants to be close with. She also arguably shows signs of BPD, and though I won’t get into that today, one of the defining symptoms is intense and unstable relationships. The sad truth is that people really hate people with avoidant attachment styles, and they really hate people with BPD (and any Cluster B personality disorder in general), so when they see Aoi expressing these traits they erase them rather than admitting they don’t like that side of her. Which is sad because you rarely see people doing that with male characters. Teru and Hanako are loved for the aspects of their personalities that are unlikable to the fanbase, whereas Aoi’s toxicity is ignored because it doesn’t fit the image fans have of her. Aoi is misunderstood by the fandom the same way she’s misunderstood by the characters in the manga

One last note on this, if you dislike Aoi just say that (again this is aimed at the general fandom, not you specifically). Don’t erase her obvious signs of mental illness, that representation is important to a lot of fans. When I wrote my TikTok essay on Aoi having BPD, I had people with BPD in the comments telling me how much they related to her. On other posts about Aoi, I’ve had people tell me how much it means to them to see a character realistically portray an avoidant attachment style. Mental illness is rarely portrayed correctly in media, and it is highly offensive to those who have it irl to erase those traits in a character just because they don’t fit your cookie-cutter image of them. And yes, I know Aoi doesn’t canonically have BPD but slandering her for traits that strongly relate to BPD is also weird (this is the opinionated part I warned you guys about lol, but yk a psych student is gonna have to lecture you on ableism)

Aoi’s feelings for Akane have also been teased since the beginning of the manga, through jealousy. She claims not to like him back, but she completely shuts down whenever he shows interest in someone else (or when someone else shows interest in him). Again, this is not a healthy response by any means but I personally think it’s an interesting character flaw, you are welcome to think otherwise🤷🏼‍♀️

She actively encourages his confessions with her point system, if she didn’t enjoy his confessions she would have turned him down from the get go. This connects back to the avoidant attachment style thing, Aoi wants Akane’s attention but she maintains distance for fear of letting him in. She keeps walls up to protect herself, because while Akane is the sun she basks in, she doesn’t really believe he likes her

This is because Akane puts her on a pedestal just like the rest of the school does. Some fans overlook this because they’re focused on post-development AoiAoi but at one point Akane made Aoi feel very isolated. It must have hurt extra since he’s her childhood friend. She thought Akane was only in love with the perfect version of her, which I don’t believe to be true. Akane loved Aoi, flaws and all, and that’s why he saw her as perfect. Most of the information we learn about Aoi is given to us through Akane, so it wouldn’t add up for him to not know her real personality. During their fight scene, he lists all her worst qualities and proceeds to kiss her hand and tell her he loves her

My conclusion is that Akane’s love for Aoi was so intense, he saw her through a rose colored glass. He knew the real her, but he loved her so much that her flaws didn’t bother him. He only focused on the good parts, and thus ended up putting her on a pedestal. He didn’t realize his behavior was hurting her up until the truth came out in chapter 69, and to answer that one part of your question, yes his behavior did change after that

He encourages Aoi to talk about herself, offering to do all of her favorite hobbies with her. He gives her free reign and support here, letting her talk and then offering solutions to her worries. He reassures her that she can fix things with Nene, which is like!! A major step in the right direction!! Akane is usually very possessive of Aoi, even when it comes to her friendships, but here he is encouraging healthy communication between her and Nene. He doesn’t deny her bad actions, but he gives her room to resolve them

After that, we see him start to treat her normally. He acts like himself around her, the same version of him we see around Teru and Nene. None of that lovestruck, over exaggerated worship we’re used to seeing him show towards Aoi. Even during the Severance, he took time to work with Nene and Teru rather than obsessively focusing on Aoi. He gave Teru motivation when he felt like quitting, even felt comfortable using their mutual love for a Aoi to fuel their rivalry. He formed an alliance with Nene even though he initially felt bitter towards her for Aoi’s disappearance. He learned to look past his own feelings enough to be there for his friends, likely because Aoi taught him to remove those rose-colored glasses. He saw that only focusing on what he wants (only focusing on Aoi) was hurting the people around him, including Aoi herself. Post chapter 69, Akane becomes much more down to earth. He still loves Aoi deeply and puts her first, but he treats her like a normal human being. This allows him to treat other people normally too

A lot of people use this chapter as evidence that Akane hasn’t changed but guys, he’s allowed to be jealous over the girl he loves. He panics here, but he doesn’t try to get violent with Teru the way we used to see him do when guys would express interest in Aoi. He doesn’t look possessive or angry here at all, just sad. He’s genuinely devastated that he’s in a world where he can’t be with the girl he loves. This is bad news for both him and Aoi, judging by the sad look she gives him as she leaves and the events of last chapter, it’s clear that this Aoi is still in love with Akane. Our Akane knows how dependent Aoi is on him, he knows that he’s the reason she’s started taking steps towards healing. Without him, all of her development gets erased, and there’s the simpler sad fact that she can’t be with the man she loves. Akane wants happiness for both of them, there’s nothing wrong with that

Even when he confesses to her, it looks so much more genuine than the old scenes of his confessions. It gets a full page, they’re both blushing and their eyes are full of light. His words are so genuine too, he doesn’t wax on about how perfect and delicate she is, all he does is promise to love her forever. For someone with such severe abandonment issues like Aoi has, those words are all she’s ever wanted to hear. Her father left when she was young, then the two people closest to her started to pull away from her (not in this universe but still). She’s terrified that people will hate her, that everyone will leave her if she reveals her true self. And here Akane is, promising to love her and only her for as long as they both shall live (and beyond that)

So, yes, I truly do believe Akane’s behavior towards Aoi has changed. And keep in mind, the manga isn’t over yet, they will have more development. We just learned Aoi’s backstory with her father leaving and her mommy issues, there’s still so much we don’t know about the characters. They still have a long way to go, so if they haven’t grown as much as you’d like then give them some time!! But they have made a lot of progress already, and I wish more fans recognized that

As for the question of whether or not he’s a good person to her, that’s very subjective!! Some fans don’t like any level of toxicity in their ships, so chapter 69 was enough for them to write off AoiAoi entirely. That’s perfectly fine, no one should feel forced to like a ship that makes them uncomfortable. Some love toxic ships, some only love toxic ships if they have development, and others love ships with extreme toxicity (I finished Interview with the Vampire season 1 today so that is where I’m at right now lol)

Let me ask you a few questions though. Is Kou a good person to Mitsuba, for mimicking the actions of his abuser and force-feeding him?? Is Hanako a good person to Nene for attempting to trap her in a fake world and kill her best friend? Is Hakubo a good person to Sumire for eating her alive? Is Natsuhiko a good person to Sakura for letting them destroy the world? Are any of these characters good people to each other???

All of those situations have nuance, and so does AoiAoi. Yes, Akane choked Aoi, but only because she was about to kill herself. She was in a shinigami’s boundary, talking about wanting to “go somewhere far away” and never return. If he hadn’t done something, she never would have returned from the far shore. That doesn’t excuse his actions, but it provides some perspective. Akane wouldn’t choke Aoi under normal circumstances, just like Kou wouldn’t force-feed Mitsuba under normal circumstances. However, both of them would go to those extremes if it meant protecting the ones they love. I personally believe it’s toxic, but some fans insist it’s completely justified because they were doing it for the greater good. Again, it all comes down to perspective

Their dynamic also largely relies on the yandere!Akane gag, which is very hit or miss for some people. Although it’s for comedic purposes, those scenes did happen in canon and they happen a lot. They can be very distracting and cause fans to feel confused once they’re introduced to the deeper side of AoiAoi, which is understandable. Part of peoples’ interpretation on AoiAoi’s level of toxicity comes down to how serious they take the yandere jokes, and how much they like yandere characters. If you hate yandere characters but don’t take the gag too seriously, you’ll be able to overlook it. However, if you hate yandere characters AND you take the gag seriously…AoiAoi might be a difficult ship to accept

Otherwise, Akane does look out for Aoi a lot. He beats up guys who harass her, he asks her how her talk with Nene went, he checks on her injured hand, he will stop at nothing to save her when she’s in danger and, well…the list goes on. There’s no denying Akane cares about Aoi, though some fans may argue he cares about her to a toxic extent. I find that attitude a little hypocritical when they like every other toxic canon ship, but every ship has different appeals so I get it. I’m very biased tho so every argument I see against AoiAoi is just words, words, words

Keep in mind that the TBHK characters and their relationships are all meant to be flawed. This is an imperfect cast of characters who all want to be loved, who have their own goals and try desperately to save each other even though they’re doomed to fail. I wouldn’t call every character morally gray, but they’re realistically flawed. Akane and Aoi want to be together, but they have a lot of individual issues to work through first. They’re undoubtedly better together though, seeing as the progress they make is because of each other (I gave Akane credit for Aoi’s development earlier but it goes both ways!!). If they were separated, we wouldn’t see them grow as much as they have. That doesn’t have to be romantic ofc but I do believe that Aoi and Akane make each other better, they just have to go through the process of making each other worse first in order to get there

I am a person who LOVES flawed characters and relationships. If the ship doesn’t have a splash of codependency, I don’t want it. I incorporate sadomasochism into almost every fic I write. My view of AoiAoi is going to be different from that of someone that isn’t interested in flawed characters/ships (yes, you’re allowed to prefer characters that are “morally pure”). If you’re looking for something that’s pure fluff then AoiAoi most likely isn’t for you, very few TBHK ships are unless you’re heavily fanonizing them. That’s simply the nature of this manga, there’s a reason we’ve seen every canon couple hit each other at some point. It’s not as bad as some fans suggest, but it’s still messy. I want to reiterate that this isn’t aimed at you specifically but I feel it’s something the fandom as a whole needs to hear. Of course, there are toxic ship enjoyers who may not find AoiAoi interesting, but every complaint I’ve heard about them so far has been about their toxicity so that’s what I’m addressing. I personally find it to be tame compared to the other ships but not everyone is going to interpret it the same way

Thank you very much for this ask, I got a little carried away with the yapping lol. I’m a bit worried I’m gonna get hate for this one since it’s kinda controversial and I got very opinionated at times…please know that I didn’t mean to offend anyone or invalidate any other opinions. If you feel that I did that then feel free to block me. I hope everyone reading this has a nice day <3

[22ayla19]

In Hyuk Goo x Reader

- Let's have son's.

In Hyuk’s phrase left you off guard and confused. You were just working in your office at Shinhwa headquarters, and then out of the blue, In Hyuk says that he wants sons.

- Some strange chain of thoughts...

- When your father made me run 5 km, there was time to think.

Then you remembered that when In-hyuk first met your parents, your father made him run 5 km to convince him of his intention to marry you. Well, for someone who was awakened from the top 20 strongest in the country, In Hyuk ran those damn 5 km, but he remembered them for the rest of his life. Your father even kept an eye on him to make sure he didn’t cheat.

As a result, In Hyuk convinced your father of his intention to marry you and also made a note to go jogging more often, otherwise his stamina was dropping.

- If we have a daughter, I’m afraid my ideas will be worse than your dad’s ideas. I almost figured out how to intimidate the suitors, but then our daughter will never get married.

You couldn’t help but laugh at your husband’s words.

- Ahahaha! I'm afraid to ask what ideas came to your mind while you were running that miserable 5 km!

- Judge for yourself, if we have sons, I will definitely teach them how to properly care for a girl.

- How will they take as an example the father who tripped and kissed the asphalt when he tried to ask out the woman with whom he was in love.

Again you couldn’t hold back and laughed at the memories. This happened a couple of years ago. You just appeared in Shinhwa as a new employee. In Hyuk volunteered to show you what the rules were in Shinhwa, and over the course of several weeks, while he was helping you settle into your new place of work, he realized that he had fallen in love like a boy. He liked the way you joked and teased him, how you found a common language with other employees, even managed to see you in battle. A grown man, but he fell in love like a boy. Ji Suk teased him about this for a long time.

And so he gathered his strength and went to invite you on a date. You were leaving the main building, In Hyuk, who was waiting for you on the street, immediately headed in your direction when he saw you. Only In Hyuk himself got too excited that he stumbled out of the blue and, roughly speaking, kissed the asphalt.

- Why did you remind me of this?...

- So that you remembers who he married.

With a malicious smile, you answered your husband, who hid his face from the awkwardness of the situation.

- Well, if we have a child, then its gender will depend on how well daddy tried. You see, I can’t influence the gender of the child, but you can, so if you want sons and not daughters, then try hard, otherwise I’ll give birth to a daughter with the same character as myself.

In Hyuk was distracted. It was nice that a daughter was born, a second copy of her mother, at least In Hyuk will be sure that she will be able to stand up for herself.

- By the way, I visited the doctor the other day.

- You are ill?! Why didn't you tell me earlier?

- Quiet, calm. I’m not sick with anything like that, I just felt sick in the morning, so I decided to visit the doctor.

- And what did the doctor say?

- Congratulated the future dad.

A minute of silence and awareness.

- Will I... become a dad?...

- Yeah! Once you said that you want sons, the doctor suggested the option of going for an ultrasound after the 13th or 14th week of pregnancy...

Before you could finish speaking, In Hyuk hugged you and then spun around the office with happiness.

- I WILL BECOME A DAD!!!

- Be quiet! Let it remain a secret, then we will surprise everyone. And it’s too early, I myself need to be careful so that nothing happens.

- I'm probably at the wrong time.

You and your husband looked at the unexpected guest who disrupted your plans to keep the pregnancy a secret.

- Chairman Ji Young, you will keep our secret?

You looked pleadingly at the woman, waiting for understanding in the current situation.

- Oh! Yes, sure. And congratulations to Miss (Y/F).

- Thank you, Chairman Ji Young!

Ji Young thought that she would talk to In Hyuk later. Still, he has no time for her instructions right now.

[omegastation]

Ever since I came back to my ME2 playthrough, it looks like I’m picking squadmates on purpose for specific missions but I’m not, it’s based on who I'd like to see at the moment. But somehow poor Legion has been in every mission involving geth (to kill) and I can only picture the awkward conversation with my Shepard. 

What makes it so ironic is that I’m a big fan of Shepard picking squadmates with care. It doesn’t mean I think players can’t play how they want (or you know, pick the dream team as I often do) but I do think Shepard is a good squad leader in general. I don’t see them not caring, is what I mean, especially when it’s about loyalty missions. Most of them involve one squadmate exposing their fears to Shepard and another squadmate. And exposing fears, showing vulnerability, it makes me think about intimacy, about trust.

If Shepard saves the trapped workers during Zaeed’s loyalty mission, Zaeed gets enraged, shoots at Vido’s gunship, screams, gets pinned down, etc. That’s a lot to witness.

And Garrus’ loyalty mission? I feel like that one could be just the two of them having a very intimate conversation in a skycar... But you can clearly see a squad member right in the passenger seat patiently listening and waiting, while Shepard tells Garrus they worry about him. And really, what happens when Garrus doesn’t kill Sidonis? Does he worry that squadmate will think he’s a coward? Does he worry that everyone will know his grief and his anger the next day? 

I don’t have a definite answer because it depends on each squadmate, but I thought about it a lot. I think even the people that seem the more hellbent on revenge like Zaeed and Jack won’t judge Garrus. They might not understand but I doubt they’ll be awful to him or look for a way to exploit his vulnerability.

And I also came to the conclusion, though I could be wrong, that squad members keep quiet about what they see on those missions. Someone like Kasumi might tell Shepard a lot of things but she’s telling Shepard, not the Cerberus crew. She looks for new info but I don’t think she spreads the news around. Miranda might be an exception but I think she’s very matter of fact about what she hears and sees. If she’s on Garrus’ loyalty mission, I doubt she’ll write a report that include the entire conversation she hears in the skycar. I think it’s more likely she’ll write what could be useful to Cerberus later, and won’t go into details about things that are truly intimate. 

Anyway, lots of fic ideas there.

[princessimotep]

Tienes Mi Corazón - Chapter 12

~*~ 18+ Content below. MDNI. Extra warning for Micah being a c*** ~*~

Shady Belle – A hidden jewel within the swamps of Lemoyne. The Van Der Linde gang had been pushed even further East thanks to the looming threat of the Pinkerton Detective Agency. The age of the new world was dawning upon them and yet Dutch still insisted on opposing the dangers striving towards them. Water and oil; a tragic tale of what will never be. A fusion to never co-exist.

Time was running out. Yet Dutch still held onto hope. Still. Was it hope? Or selfishness? Did he truly love the very souls whom he led astray or were they pawns in his game of deceit? In this moment, those questions could not be answered with confidence. There was still time. Time to make amends. It all depended on Dutch and those who stood by his side.

Hosea heavily influenced Dutch in the most mundane yet omnipotent way. Being by Dutch’s side all these years had kept the leader on the right path most of the way. He gave Dutch the wings he needed to fly. The voice he needed to preach. The knowledge to keep those they could alive. The love to keep everyone bonded. Hosea had a particular gift in these sorts of things. He was by no means an angel but human. He understood emotions well, having experienced a lifetime of his own trials and tribulations. The elder gentleman was one folk would go to for advice, the one who they approached without hesitation. Even those who hesitated would find themselves at ease after exchanging conversation.

This golden morning, Hosea decided to make his own approach to the one who perhaps needed his guidance the most.

“How you doing, Miss Miriam?” The doe-eyed woman looked up from her book. Upon seeing Hosea, she gave the man a warm smile, twisting her perched figure which sat on the edge of the stone fountain. She straightened out the creases of her dress, somewhat salvaging a respectable appearance despite the sweat which glossed across her skin. She had never experienced such thick, warm air like this before – much like many of the other camp members. The cold was something she thrived in. Frosty mornings and bitter nights had always been her preference.

“Good morning, Mr Matthews. I’m fine, thank you. And yourself?” He ignored her question. His way of words was always to put another in the spotlight. Selfless and soul searching.

“The heat is pretty unbearable?” A small quirk of her bottom lip caught his eye. It made him smile, knowing he was close to breaking down that barrier. Not that he wished to intrude – he only wanted what was best for each member. If that meant breaking down their barriers to help understand them more, then that was a battle he was willing to slowly win.

“It is really hot here…” Hosea pulled his fingers against the inside of his neck tie in agreement.

“I guess you’re not used to the heat.” His statement made Miriam hesitate. In the end, she shook her head with a small smile. The older gent’s eyes scanned her, piecing her together like some intricate puzzle just waiting to be solved. He had been a good judge of character. He knew there was nothing deviant about the young woman. His mind only wondered why she kept so many secrets. Something as big as her identity. To him, it made sense she had to be someone of importance or someone on the run for doing something bad. Or both.

Taking the opportunity, he pressed. “I suppose the cold is more to your liking?” She nodded. This prompted a chuckle from Hosea, thinking of a passing joke. “Then you would have liked it up in them mountains…” His thoughts trailed off, thinking back to that time of darkness for the gang. Letting his head take over, he subconsciously sat down beside Miriam, resting his elbows on his knees. His hands intertwined to lace his fingers together, his head hanging lower in thought. The silence made Miriam look closer at the man. She could read his eyes – how much hurt he had experienced from the past. The slight remnants of fear which resided within. The young woman understood that ‘the mountains’ were not a good time for anyone. She wished to offer words of comfort but how could she when she knew so little about the situation. About their history. It was not her place to. “You ever been up that way? Past Colter?” A shake of her head made Hosea lift his eyebrow. “Too cold for you?” The comment confused her and without thinking she answered.

“No. I love the cold. It’s just been a little too far West for me- the snow that is.” Placing the pieces together quickly in his mind, Hosea effortlessly chimed in leaving her little time to think.

“So East?” Miriam’s eyes opened wide in disturbance. A pause was set between his voice and her own.

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re from the East then.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Goosebumps prickled over the skin of her arms. Her worry became evident to Hosea. He too could read people, just like her. He could do it perhaps a little too well. His eyes shifted down to the ground, not wanting his gaze to cause her any alarm. “I know the country well, Miriam. There are only a few places around here that accommodate to your preferred climate.” She felt herself becoming flustered. She could not allow herself to let him see it so she looked over her shoulder towards the marshy waters. Her eyes searched for something in particular to focus on but her worries made the task difficult. Miriam’s silence spoke a thousand words. Clouds which encased her were gradually starting to part; not without challenge. Thunder flashed through those clouds. Before that mysterious haze could ever clear, the storm would have to present itself. Only then would the suffocation of her secrets could be lifted at last.

Flickering his eyes to her hands, Hosea focused on the book she had been reading prior. He recognised the book cover and the intriguing engravings on the spine of it. “I’ve read that one.” The heat from her head dissipated once she turned her head back to her company. It took her a few seconds to realise what Hosea was referring to. The book offered her so much comfort, therefore a smile was always a response to its very memory.

“It’s my favourite.”

“I’ve noticed.” He stared down at the pages, a coy look present on his face. “You must know the book well if you’re reading it in Spanish.” As quickly as it went, the heat reappeared but this time across her cheeks. Dryly, she swallowed, hoping she could blame her reaction on the heat of the bayou. Hosea was not stupid. There was an aura of omniscience which surrounded him, nothing ever able to get past him. It was down to his caring nature. The want to help people do better and be their best selves. Honest and free.

Unable to fight her nerves, Miriam went to stand and close her book but Hosea’s hand went to her shoulder to stop her. “No – no – no. Please.” His free hand offered her old seat back, inviting her to stay just a little longer. His tone of voice proved to her he meant no harm. She accepted, denying her own departure. Not being too knowledgeable on the language, Hosea referred to the page the book was currently open on. “Which part of the story are you on?”

Breathing calmly through her nose, she settled back into the comfort of her book to accept its embrace. “When the Knight tells the Princess how he truly feels.” Her cheeks darkened yet somehow a smile persevered through to support her words. “You know, at the end?” Hosea nods.

“Ah yes, yes.” He leant over her, scanning over the Spanish text. Despite not knowing the language, he believed he could find the part he wished to enlighten. “The part where he says… ah! Here it is…” His brows furrowed as he attempted to read the foreign words. “Tienes… mi… corazón.” Hosea lifted his head, looking at Miriam with a smile of delicate purity and warmth. “You have my heart.”

“You have my heart.” Miriam repeated in acknowledgement. The Knight saying this to his Princess had always starstruck the young woman. She had wondered evermore what it would feel like to have someone confess their feelings like that. It was truly beautiful to her. To tell someone that they no longer own their heart because it had been claimed by their true love – it was words of poetry which came from the soul. To be so selfless to another. To love them so much you could trust them with something which could be broken so easily. One crunch of their hand could shatter the organ to shake their realm of reality. Such trust was so hard to come by. Although the very thought of having this much faith in someone was deemed as beautiful to her – it also scared her and to Miriam, there was something magical about that.

Observing the peaceful look of wonder which portraited her face, Hosea’s expression softened as he knew that look all too well. A look of yearning which he once held for Bessie. “And what a powerful thing to say to someone.” His eyes looked up to the morning sky, watching a pair of larks which flew over in blissful glee. “It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from – anyone can feel that moment of power. Only if they allow themselves to.” He turned his head and his eyes locked with Miriam’s who was intrigued by what he was saying. “Love holds no judgement, Miriam. Some would say it is the most powerful force on earth.” His words rattled her yet her heart thumped against her chest in a way which lulled her; as if it was telling her to listen. She shook her head.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me, Mr Matthews.”

“Miriam.” He called her name firmly to silence her. The both of them knew very well what he was insinuating. “It takes a lot to completely destroy love. Sure – someone’s past may cause a few cracks, or – what they once did could hurt – but if that person also trusts you with their heart, then there is nothing to be scared of.” His words moved her. She could not deny the truth in which he spoke yet ever the same, her fear of rejection held her back. Shaking her head, she tried to search his eyes for an answer.

“But how would I know-”

“You won’t know unless you tell them.” Their conversation felt almost hypothetical yet underneath the mystery, they both knew who and what they were talking about. His answer held a double meaning. To tell Javier how she really felt… it also meant telling him the truth. Just like Sadie had once told her.

The thunder within her mind had stopped. Clouds were beginning to clear away and now, all that was left was her thoughts. Her head felt light, no longer heavy to the burden of what she must do. In a way; she felt ready.

It was time.

Seeing Hosea stand up from the fountain made Miriam mouth a quiet thank you to the older man. Hosea acknowledged this but being the man he was, he didn’t wish to pry and make her feel in debt. He brushed it away; another selfless act on his part. He had never once changed; always the man who wished to help others. Even as he began to walk away, he couldn’t help but pass by a comment to help encourage her that her past wasn’t as scary as it seemed.

“I hear Annesburg is lovely this time of year. Especially a little further up North-East from it.” He looked over his shoulder at Miriam. But before she could react, she read his expression which soothed her. In quiet understanding, she knew by the way he spoke and the look he gave her that he wouldn’t utter a word to no one. He knew.

A smile was left behind on her lips.

‘Thank you, Hosea…’

Night had claimed the land fast that day, much to the appreciation of the people. It had been the hottest day of the year thus far, so the night’s cooler air was welcomed with open arms. The clinch of coolness wasn’t the only thing which was welcomed that night.

After Dutch, Arthur and John had met with Angelo Bronte, their return to camp had to be celebrated – Jack had come back safe and sound.

Cheers and laughter encircled the campfire as Javier sung to the strumming of his guitar. A talent he possessed – not just the way he played or sang but his ability to bring his fellow camp members together. He was the glue which bound everyone together, almost completely unbreakable. How Miriam admired that part about him. Looking from afar, she watched him joyously express himself through the lyrics of his song, the others chiming into the chorus with theatrical delight. It made her heart swell to see how together everyone was. It was the happiest she had seen them all.

She wished she was nearer to Javier but she held herself back, wanting him to be with his family. After all, it was a bond she never wanted him to break – only solidify further. Even throughout the day, she had kept her distance from him; ever since her conversation with Hosea. She wanted to figure out the right words to say to him; it had taken her what felt like an eternity to figure out, but she knew she had to do this. Not just for herself, but for him. Javier deserved to know the truth. He had been so good to her.

He found her at her most vulnerable. Took her into the safety of the gang. Explored the Heartlands with her – he even took a bullet for her. Part of her really wanted to know how he felt about her before she could confess everything, however her need to be honest and give her heart to him was stronger. He had asked for her trust and that was what she wanted to give him. Her full, undying trust. No matter how frightening the thought of it was.

She loved him.

The very thought made her heart bubble in her chest like lava waiting to erupt. In the past she tried to push those feelings aside, in fear of the hurt it may cause, but now it invaded her entirely. It was undeniable and inescapable. The chains which encased her had finally rotted enough to the point she could finally break free. All she needed to do was try. And Javier deserved that at the very least.

Leaving the coolness of the night’s air, Miriam retreated back inside the walls of the house which stood strong in the middle of camp. Closing the door behind her, she leant against the wood to take slow, deep breaths. She knew the moment was close. Tauntingly close. Even now she struggled to think of a strong opening line to start this chaotic and somewhat dangerous confession. Knowing the gist of the conversation was easy, but as for what to exactly say – this was unclear. Trying her best to snap out it, Miriam walked through the hallway and into one of the rooms where a mirror hung on the wall. Cautiously she approached it, as if one wrong step could cause it to fall to the ground. That was the last thing she needed – seven years of bad luck. A superstition she most definitely believed in, perhaps even more so after Molly’s pocket mirror broke. Since then, it seemed the poor woman had never gotten a break. She would sometimes see Molly on the outskirts of camp, looking out into the wilderness, mumbling incoherent things about Dutch. It broke Miriam’s heart to see her this way. She had attempted to talk things out with Molly, but she pushed the woman away. She did not want anyone’s company other than Dutch’s; which was something he could not give her.

Looking into the mirror, Miriam’s reflection shone back at her through distorted cracks. The cracks were like veins which jaggedly etched their way along the centre to the corners of the frame. Subconsciously, she brought a hand to her hair, stroking down the fly aways. How humbled she felt about her appearance. Javier was strikingly handsome to look at, yet she felt the complete opposite about herself. She found it comical the idea of Javier finding her as attractive as she found him. In her irrational mind, there was just no way. She sighed, hopelessly. Yet her eyes wandered to the dress she was wearing.

After all this time, she had finally finished weaving together the dress she started making back in Horseshoe Overlook. Despite Javier’s kindness in buying her the dresses back in Strawberry, Miriam felt it a waste to abandon her project. The dress was made from silky, scarlet fabric which was made to fit her exact measurements. It held no long sleeves but her shoulders were crowned with the smallest black ruffles. The neck line had shaped a most magnificent V-shape which complimented her décolletage. Following the waist line down, the ruche of the skirt had been pinned up to create a gothic-style waterfall effect on the sides and through the opening of the outer skirt, black lace fell to the ground as the underskirt. The dress created a feeling of pride which was new to the young woman. She wanted this to be the dress. The dress she would confess to Javier in. It made her feel empowered yet vulnerable and that was something she felt fascinated by.

“My, my. Don’t you look pretty in that getup.” A chill ran down her spine, recognising that voice. Miriam whipped her head over her shoulder, fast enough to cause a couple strands of locks to fall from her clipped-up hair. Micah stood in the doorway, leaning lazily against the wooden frame. He shifted his weight so he now stood straight, ready to approach. “Who’re you getting’ dolled up for, I wonder…” Not wanting to give him the time of day, she stayed silent. She knew all too well that people like him craved responses. Tauntingly, he stepped towards her which immediately caused Miriam to fully turn to face him to stand her ground. Much like the time back in the cabin, where she was cornered by the O’Driscolls.

The clicks of Micah’s boots echoed through the room like the sound of a ticking clock. Her shoulders tensed but never once did she break eye contact from him. He stopped walking once he was a couple metres away from her, wanting her to fall into a false sense of safety. One thing was certain – being alone in a room with Micah Bell was never something safe and she was smart enough to know this.

A snicker trickled past his lips, holding out his hands to gesture inwardly to himself. “Is this all for me?” A look of disgust shadowed over Miriam’s face. If only a look could really kill someone, he would be nothing more than a corpse before her. Clenching her jaw, Miriam remained composed before the serpent, still having no intention of giving in to his sick game. Micah tilted his head with his mouth slightly agape, soaking in her defensive state. That scowl she held for him… he found it utterly delicious. “Let’s take a good look at you…”

Before she could react, his hand grasped her jaw, the tips of his fingers pinching into the skin of her cheeks. In defiance she tried to shake herself from his grip by snapping her head to the side but he only squeezed her face tighter to make her heel. Not wanting to be permanently injured by his hand, she stilled, keeping her gaze away. His breathing was heavy, like he was fighting for crystal clear air. The smell of her was almost too intoxicating for him to handle. His eyes scanned over her features, looking at the shade of her glossy lips to the colour of her eyes and sighing in bliss when she would batt those pretty lashes which each blink. The grip of his hand loosened just slightly so he could angle his thumb up towards her waterline where black kohl had been carefully pencilled across. Wanting to taint the remarkable portrait before him, his thumb brushed across the bottom of her eye to smear the black eyeliner down past her outer corners. He snickered at the art he had just created.

Now she looked fragile – as though she had been crying.

“Ain’t you just… pretty.” He licked the top of his lip, his warm breath coming through his nose like a bull in heat. “Nasty little thing, dressin’ up for ol’ Micah…” His thumb went back to the start of her waterline to once again follow along, but this time, he dragged his digit downwards once he reached the middle. A smoky smear fell to the apple of her cheek. His thumb was rough and he had pressed hard, causing a streak of faint redness to appear behind the ashy smears. How appetising she looked like this. Like a forbidden fruit he so desperately wanted to take a bite from. Being so close to her, a couple strings of breathy laughter escaped him. He found it funny. The joke of it all; how easy it would be to take her right now whilst everyone was occupied outside.

The fantasy of her crying for help whilst all the other gang members would be nonchalantly celebrating, not able to hear her pleas at all. It was the perfect opportunity. Quickly, his mind pieced together a delectable scenario. He’d smash the back of her head against the mirror, just so show her how much fun he can be. Then he’d throw her like a little dolly onto the cold wooden floor before taking her from behind. Oh, how the sounds of her dress being ripped apart would stiffen his cock. He would be entertained for a long while…

His smirk disappeared at his next intruding thought. ‘Unless he interferes…’ Anger flashed across Micah’s face which resulted in his hand clasping round her jaw again and this time, forcing her to look at him. “Or is this all for that fucking greaser, hm?” Now it was Miriam’s turn to see red. Without even a second thought, she pursed her lips before releasing them to spit into Micah’s face. The action was so sudden it took him a back, making him let go of her in the process. She took her chance to escape and bolted through the doorway and towards the grand doors which would lead her outside. He didn’t attempt to chase after her, instead using his preferred tactic to hunt his prey – threats.

“If you don’t come back here… I’ll fucking destroy your world. I know who you are.” Gritting his teeth, he walked towards the doorframe once he wiped the spit from his eyes. “And what you did.” He stopped once he was back in the doorway. This time he had his fists held tightly in a ball and his posture was hunch over, as if ready to charge at her. “If you walk out that door, I’ll tell your little greaser everything.” She could no longer ignore what he had to say. It enraged her the way he spoke about Javier like he was some form of weapon to be used against her, calling him those horrible derogatory names. Silence was no longer an option.

Snapping her head over her shoulder, she hissed her words. “You won’t have chance. I’ll be telling him tonight.” Her surge of confidence caught Micah off guard. She had a mean bite to her and it replaced his anger with excitement.

“Oh, really now?” For the last time, she turned around to fully face him.

“Yes. You have no power over me, Micah.” It sent chills over his body the way she snarled out his name. If he played his cards right, he could still make the world around her crumble. Micah had always had a sick desire to see beauty decay. It was the most natural form of art to him.

Micah held his hands up, as if to surrender. “Oh, ho. You got me there, sweetheart…” His tone of voice leered over her, spookily, like he knew something she did not. “I’m just thinking about that Mexican’s wellbeing is all.” Her eyebrows knitted closer together, confused by his change of heart. He smirked, knowing his new tactic was working. He took a step towards her, his hands still raised in sweet surrender. “It would be such a… shame… to see him – burdened with such knowledge.” Now he took a couple more steps closer, almost halfway across the landing. Slowly, Miriam’s eyebrows softened as though she could see her victory being taken away before her very eyes.

“… a burden?” Micah stopped himself from grinning. ‘Jackpot.’ He thought to himself. He knew very well which direction to take this conversation.

“Of course. I mean, when I discovered what you were, well… I was shocked. And that’s puttin’ it lightly- I mean…” Micah lowered his hands. His tone changed. “… ya did some real nasty things after all.” The young woman flinched at his words. “What you did… oof-” The blonde dropped his head momentarily, only to raise it slowly to look at her through his messy strands of hair which cascaded over his brows. “No normal person could ever look at ya the same way ever again.” Her blood turned cold at the horrifying thought. It felt unbearable, the idea of Javier shunning her away after discovering her past. She felt her eyes begin to sting with tears but she refused to let them fall, especially in front of Micah. Such a sight could not slip past Micah. Those tears which threatened to spill only fuelled him further. His hands hovered over her shoulders but he didn’t dare to touch.

“Sweetheart… I know it’s hard.” He didn’t have the faintest idea. “Ya just gotta understand… that greaser had his family and friends drop like flies, one by one. Murdered in front of him… so…” Micah tauntingly tilted his head side to side, as though he was weighing the options of what to say. “… it only makes sense he wouldn’t react well to what ya did. He’d hate you.” Her blood felt as though it were ice. For a moment, it felt impossible for her to breathe. Micah’s words made perfect sense. She convinced herself then and there that she had gaslighted herself into thinking that everything would be okay. Of course, there was no way Javier would be able to look past the things she did.

Not wanting to spend another second in Micah’s presence, she went to open the door but Micah’s hand held onto her wrist to pause her action. “Oi.” He growled, bringing her close into his chest. The dark-haired beauty frowned, still fighting the sting of her eyes. He lifted his hand and instead of grabbing her jaw again like last time, he curled his index finger and softly petted it over her cheek. “Don’t ya worry, doll. Ol’ Micah will be here to pick up the pieces.” He leant close to her face, his lips just a couple centimetres away from her own. “If ya tell him.” And just like that, he released her and she immediately ran out, slamming the doors in his face.

Her feet pattered down the steps and across the grass until she could find shelter under the gazebo, just a little away from the camp’s celebrations. She tried to calm her breathing although not a sound of it could be heard due to the rambunctious singing from both Uncle and Pearson. Even Arthur could be heard trying to join in, carefully trying to not slur his words due to the amount of whiskey he had consumed.

Looking to her hands, the young woman realised the shake that now rocked them uncontrollably. Her ears burned hot; her throat too dry to be able to swallow. Attempting to steady herself, Miriam’s hands rested on the pale wood of the banister and sank her head low to calm her rhythm of breaths once she wiped away her ruined eyeliner.

She knew Micah was not to be trusted; his words were a sorcery of evil. Malice was something he thrived to express. He was like a disease, persisting to take over and destroy something once good from the inside out. Yet those very words he spoke only awakened Miriam’s once buried paranoia. Just as she had at last calmed herself into thinking her past could not break the bond she shared with Javier, a threat loomed in its grand return to make her back down. Deep down, she still wanted to tell Javier the truth. Uneasiness plagued her at the scenario.

What if…

What if Micah spoke honesty, no matter how hurtful it came out? Would it be a burden for Javier? Would he…

‘Would he hate me?’ She bit the inside of her cheek; the taste of iron spilling in slow droplets down her throat. Would he or wouldn’t he. A riddle she could not solve. It was a gamble. A leap of faith.

Being so lost in her troubled thoughts, she had barely noticed the familiar presence behind her whose hands rested on the plumps of her hips. “Hola, hermosa ángel.” Regardless of her agonising thoughts, Miriam couldn’t help but melt under his touch. She breathed out his name, savouring it as though it was the last time she would ever be able to say it.

His hands stroked her hips a couple times, like he was soothing her for something he wasn’t quite aware of in that moment. With a feather-like touch, Javier’s hands slid over the peaks of her hips to take their place over her belly. The feeling was welcomed for it offered a warmth she did not mind faltering to. His chin rested over her shoulder which allowed Miriam to smell the whiskey and cigarettes that came from his long breaths. It was a smell she found appetizing and often salivated for during steamy exchanges.

“I haven’t seen you all day…” He mumbled, now turning into her neck to smell the gorgeously scented perfume which he found suited her and only her. A scent of lavender and powdery notes. Miriam pressed her back against his chest to allow him to fully hold her. His eyes were shut with the lightest of smiles, appreciating the tender fragment of time that stood still for their sake. A snapshot of gentle peace.

“I was… lost in thought, today.” He hummed at her response, finding it an acceptable answer for the time being. The tips of her fingers lightly traced over the knuckles of his hands. Even now, her thoughts troubled her deeply – yet his aura soothed her, preventing her from breaking down to the corruption Micah had caused. “I- My mind has been all over the place. I’m sorry.” A low rumble came from Javier’s throat in an understanding chuckle.

“Mine too.” His hands snaked past one another, tightening his embrace. His cheek pressed against the length of Miriam’s neck where his lips dusted across her skin in a sweet whisper. “I can’t get you off my mind, mi amor.” His lips and facial hair tickled her skin, causing her to momentarily break away from her intrusive thoughts in soft laughter.

“You’ve been drinking.” Turning her head to try and look at his expression, she could see his cheeks were slightly glazed with a pigment of rosiness. His eyes held a mist of heavenly delight, finding all things around him pleasant. Not denying her words, he raised the depths of his focus by looking into her dark hazel eyes.

“I speak only the truth.” His eyes closed lazily to fall into a blissful realm, allowing his lips to dance across her jawline and then the corner of her neck, underneath her ear. “Mi amor…” He whispered this line over and over again with each feathery kiss. Goosebumps responded back to him, giving in to the enchantment he cast over her. She held onto his arms to keep her from stumbling, bending at the knees as though she was becoming limp like a doll held by its owner. “Look at me.”

Javier loosened his hold on her so she could eventually turn around to face him. There were things he wanted to tell her which had been occupying him all throughout the day. Perhaps longer. Delving into the wondrous pools of her iris, he felt his chest seize for a brief moment. It amazed him how this woman standing before him had such a hold over his mind, body and feelings. Never in his twenty-six years of being on this earth had he felt this way before. It was foreign, shrouded in mystery; nonetheless a hold he never wanted to let go.

“Listen.” Javier stepped back from her, tilting his head down to the ground and raising his hands in front of him as though halting any attempt to interrupt him. “I’ve been thinking- I’ve been thinking, a lot… and…” He lifted his head and in doing so he placed his hands on his hips before rapidly flickering his thumb over the tip of his nose to brush off the last bits of nerves that had held him back before now. “You and I- We… I think…” He stopped himself.

The way she looked at him. It captivated him. She without a doubt took his breath away; without even trying. Her mere existence was enough to shake the ever-winding staircase of his reality. She had always captivated him. Ever since he first looked at her within that cabin. A short exhale of realisation escaped him.

“I think we’re good together.” He said it so matter of a fact, that his awkwardness had successfully been disguised by his liquid courage.

Miriam’s eyes became wide with surprise, not expecting him to say such things. She kept quiet, unable to find the right words to say. Javier stroked the back of his neck, not knowing how he made it this far. However, he understood that he had to finish what he had started. “I mean, only if you want that too.” Now the Mexican found himself second guessing how he approached his words. He wanted to continue to plead his case because of course, she was someone whom he wanted to fight for. “Look-” He stepped towards her; his hands now being held out to gesture with each word that needed visual guidance. “What I mean to say is- I don’t care about what you did, who you are or where you came from. None of that matters.” Miriam’s eyebrows furrowed upwards, her mouth becoming agape – not believing what he was saying. Javier’s hand held onto hers. His fingers squeezed tight to the following words. “I want you. Only you.” With his free hand, he gently placed his palm over her heated cheek. “Just as you are.” The words he uttered cut through her like a welcomed wound. A wound which hurt but distracted her from her anxious thoughts. He made her heart bleed with sweet sorrow.

She wanted him too. To Miriam, Javier deserved the world and more.

Pursing her lips together, Miriam tightly closed her eyes to lean into the hand which held her cheek. He was so warm, like the water of a hot spring steaming against ice cold skin. “Javier…” Bringing her hand to his own, she pulled it down from her cheek. “I’m not the woman you think I am…” A pause of hesitancy followed before she let go of his hands to hold her own. Javier looked at her with hurt in his eyes, as though he had been shot through his chest. It pained her to do this, but the taunt of Micah’s words could not allow her to let her walls fall apart. She allowed him to have her heart, but she could not do the same for him. She feared so much that his heart would die by her tainted touch. Her bottom lip quivered before she looked at him with tearful eyes. She could barely choke out her words. “But I wish I was. I truly do.”

Javier averted his eyes from her. For the first time, he did not know what to do. All he could do was look at to her, almost in disbelief. With all his strength, he set his hurt aside and tried to reach through to her. “Miriam…” He made a promise to himself. “Eres tan estupida…” (“You’re so stupid…”)

A promise that he would fight for her.

Both of Javier’s hands held onto her face to bring her back to this dimension. “¿Cuántas veces tengo que decírtelo?” (“How many times do I have to tell you?”) Her watery eyes blurred her vision yet she could still see the intense look of truth he emitted. “I don’t care.” A smile returned to his face, his sharp gaze softening. “I don’t care, Miriam.” He frowned yet his smile remained. “Don’t you remember?” Before she could respond to his question, Javier pulled on her hand so she would follow him.

They left the shelter of the gazebo, walking just outside of Shady Belle by the water yet remained concealed by the trees and greenery. They couldn’t wander too far due to the main road only being just up ahead. Once Javier stopped, he pointed up to the night sky. The galaxy of stars twinkled back in response, shining through the grey clouds which surrounded the moon. “You remember, don’t you?”

The organ within her chest tightened at the memory of those beautiful words. Without saying anything, she nodded. But he wanted more. He wanted her to fight back – to succumb to the feelings they both could not deny. “Then say them.” Her eyes tightly closed, her lips pursing back together.

She could not bring herself to say those words.

Javier held onto her waist, bringing her towards him so their hips met one another. “Say them to me, mi amor.” Their foreheads touched, his eyes trying to find hers through her thick lashes – still her irises were averted from his.

He deserved the truth.

His fingers tightened on her waist. His whispers became more soaked with passion. “I need to know.”

And the truth is what she wished to give.

“Javier… Tienes mi corazón.” Those words ripped through him like a rainfall of bullets. He pulled his head back, looking at her with shock. At last, he could see her alluring cocoa eyes. Her hand went to her chest as if to soothe the pain and ache she felt there. “Tienes mi corazón, Javier.” Her tears spilt down her cheeks, uncontrollably. Her walls had fallen to dust thanks to him. She felt exposed and vulnerable. And she was so grateful. Somehow her revelation made her feel lifted; unafraid. “And it will always be yours.”

No longer did a barrier stand between the two thus the only thing to be done was to fall into each other’s reality. He claimed her lips with his own, not caring that it sucked the air from her. He could not help himself after she had told him such euphoric words. Never did he think he would hear her say those words to him, especially in his language. Those three words spoke a million tales, matching up to each star that dotted the galactic sky. His reaction made Miriam cry more, the lump in her throat becoming so painful she could barely breathe. To others it would seem as though she was in pain. Forlorn and distressed. But the two of them knew that it was an articulation of happiness and that was all that mattered.

Miriam fought for air but was unable to win due to Javier’s hand holding onto the back of her head, pushing her further against his mouth. His tongue tangled around hers, barely allowing room for her to inhale. A meagre jolt of panic naturally took over her yet her own body betrayed her, keeping her pinned into his strong embrace. Colourful spots sparkled behind her closed eyes, signalling her impending downfall. She murmured his name against his mouth, revealing her desperation.

Not wanting her to pass out, just yet, he pulled his lips from her and watched the saliva slip over the centre of her bottom lip. Perilously she gasped out for air but was immediately silenced by his lips. She squirmed in ecstatic delight. The very thought of seeing stars just by him kissing her sent waves of paradise towards her core. She trusted this man to do whatever he wanted, knowing he never would have an inkling if ill malice. Her hands ran through his hair, unconsciously pulling away the band which held his hair back. His velvet ebony locks touched his shoulders where his blue waistcoat hugged against the white fabric of his blouse.

“Tienes mi corazón…” She whispered against his lips, repeating those words he found so beautiful. His hand clenched, grabbing a fistful of her hair. She mewled in contentment at the rough action.

“Mierda…” He grumbled, the tightening feeling of jeans around his groin which became uncomfortable all too quickly. The way she said those words, it was driving him fucking crazy. Pulling the clip that held her hair back, her mermaid-like waves fell past her shoulders like unravelled silk. All those feelings which held him back before, those chains no longer claimed him. Instead, he was finally free to do as he desired. No restraints or second thoughts. Only what felt right to both himself and her.

Javier’s hands grabbed Miriam’s ass, crunching together the carefully woven fabric she had seamed and lifted her without warning. Instinctively, her legs wrapped around his waist where her bare pussy caught his jeans just right, the tent of the fabric rubbing against her clit. The skirt of her dress covered the sight, but underneath, it was a vision to behold – one Javier could feel. The roughness of his jeans caused a friction which made her hips buck involuntarily. The sharp sparks of pleasure which flew through her like flashes of lightning made Miriam throw her head back, leaning her weight away from him so her hips had no choice but to force themselves harder against his concealed yet prominent cock. It didn’t take long for her slick to begin coating his jeans, as if her pussy was begging skin on skin contact. Without shame, Miriam bobbed her hips up and down the tiniest amount to rub her clit over the point of his jeans. Due to the ridged nature of his jeans, her clit became instantly swollen, enjoying the friction more than she imagined she would. Her wetness rapidly dampened the fabric and with aid was soaked further by his leaking tip. The thought of his precum seeping through to invade her pussy made her eyes roll back to see the stars.

The feeling of her hips rocking against his erection made Javier open his mouth to invite in the cool air in hopes it would help him re-centre himself – to stop him from fucking her so furiously that she would surely lose consciousness. Yet he reminded himself that all restraints were to be forgotten about. Just for this night at least. He wrapped an arm around her upper back and knelt down to the ground to place her on the grass, all the while keeping their hips connected like this. Her hips were raised, angled upwards over his thighs and he kept her like this so he could unzip his jeans to pull out his aching cock. In doing so, his fingers brushed over the area of his pants where their liquids seeped through. With the tip of his middle finger and thumb, he brought them up to his face and rubbed the slick together before retracting his middle finger away to watch the string of clear fluid stretch.

“Mi amor… if you keep doing things like this, I won’t be able to stop myself.” Through her flushed pants, she quizzed her lover.

“Stop yourself from what?” Innocently she blinked which caused Javier to arch over her, pressing his leaking head inside of her without warning. Not giving her a single chance to adjust, Miriam’s head fell back so her forehead was inches away from meeting the grass. Keeping her hips angled up towards the sky, Javier pressed a kiss to her exposed throat, growling against her skin.

“Fucking you until you’re full of my cum, mi amor.” The walls of her pussy clenched hard around the tip of his cock, milking him in response to his words. The two of them gasped in symmetry at the rapturous feeling. The tightness of her heat made it difficult to sheathe himself fully inside but once he did, he hung his head low between his shoulders, panting. His fingers dug into the earth to ground himself whilst Miriam tried her best not to make any sudden movements, still recovering from the brief moment of sheer bliss.

Soon, a laughter that was barely audible came from Javier. He lifted his head, looking through the messy strands of his hair to address his love. “You like the idea of that, hm?” With eagerness in her movements, she nodded her head to him; the memory of him almost coming inside her dancing around rent free in her head. She could still remember how hot the heat of his cum felt inside, even if it was only a drop. Her pussy spasmed again, wishing to be filled this time instead of it being wasted on her lower abdomen. He grunted, pulling his cock back until he was almost fully free from her.

Keeping the tip of his cock lined at her entrance, Javier pulled her thighs up and folded them back so her knees came to a beautiful bend. Her shoes slipped off her feet so her heels pressed into the rounds of her ass. He let go of her plump skin, watching her dress skirt pool around her chest – the sight of her pulsing pussy now on full view. That and her big doe eyes all tearful from sinful want, were a picture of perfection to the Mexican rebel. His hands traced over her knees, pushing them further apart before planting a kiss to one of them. He raised himself a little higher on his knees to get his angle right and once he was there, he slammed his cock deep and hard into her pussy; reaching depths Miriam didn’t even know was possible. The earth surrounding Miriam’s head sank lower, being pressed with great force by the back of her skull. A noise had left her mouth she didn’t even know could ever be recreated even if she tried. That very noise made her lover see red and repeated the violent snap of his hips over and over, earning a unique and satisfying moan from her each time.

The head of his cock abused her insides, forcing her heat to overflow with more of her slick in a pathetic attempt to soothe the overstimulation which was being invoked. Her head was dizzy, unable to think rationally whilst he pounded into her pussy like she was just some tight hole for him to let his frustrations out on. “Oh my God… Javier! Javier!” Her sanity was long gone, no care being present to fear what others might hear. She felt his hands pull harder on her knees, bringing her hips impossibly closer to his own; Miriam became a babbling mess. He hit depths within her that shot fiery sparks of gunpowder through her core all the way to her head. Her toes curled, bracing herself for his ruthlessness that would undoubtedly continue.

Already, her pussy squeezed his cock, ready to deliver its final chokehold. Javier placed an elbow and hand beside her head whilst the other rested in the same manner but above her head. Not once did his unforgiving thrusts change in pace. “Mi amor- Ah! Miriam…” His voice was quiet through the loudness of his grunts, yet as though the elements of nature respected their moment of union, Miriam heard him clear as day. “Te amo.”

‘Those words…’

She hiccupped, feeling the swell of her heart become unbearable. Javier kissed her forehead. “Te amo… te amo…” He never stopped saying those words. With every thrust, every pant and groan, he cooed those words to her. He would say it as many times as it took for her to finally understand. She felt her head ache, still unable to stop herself from crying. All she could do was place her hand on his cheek and kiss the corner of his mouth.

Even then, he still did not stop.

‘He loves me…’ The happiest smile she had ever conjured in her entire lifetime graced her features. ‘He really loves me…’

Being close to his release, Javier shuddered, his head falling lower to try and stop himself. He could feel she was close too. She could tell by his silence he was trying hard not to give in, selflessly wanting her to come before he did – yet each time it risked him coming inside. Breaking his concentration, Miriam brought her lips to his ear, begging him in a sultry voice.

“Please, come inside-ah! Javier! Please…” Miriam raised both her shoulders in a euphoric high, knighting each side of his face as his forehead now came into contact with the bottom of her throat. His nails scratched hard at the dirt, whilst her own snaked under his arms and latched onto his shoulder blades. Her nails pierced in through the fabric of his waistcoat, not realising she was in fact drawing blood. Even Javier couldn’t feel it, due to the feeling of his cock pulsating inside her becoming overwhelming. “Please…” She lowered the volume of her voice but kept a higher pitch than normal – something she naturally did when she wanted something bad. “Javier… I want you to come inside me. Make me yours.”

Like a cryptic code being cracked, it unlocked the shackles which bound him. A second wind of energy eloped through his body like an untameable hurricane. The rhythm of his hips became faster, more ruthless with no remanets of gentleness. He wanted nothing more in that moment than for her wishes to be granted. And for his own – to have her as his – whole and complete. Sweat glossed down the muscles of his back, sticking to his garments which caused an imaginary suffocation as his climax overcame him, spurting his hot cum inside her weeping pussy. He pressed his hips hard into her and stayed like that, as if his only goal was to make sure her womb became full of his fertile seed. Upon the first contact of his cum, her pussy clenched and pulsed around his length, milking each and every drop as Miriam experienced her own ascension. His cum felt excruciatingly hot but it only heightened her senses and made her journey to paradise all the more heavenly.

The feeling of her taking all of him so receptively was something he cursed himself for not experiencing sooner. He didn’t want the moment to end – even during the peak of his high, he slipped his hand between her thighs to rub his thumb over her clit in circles. The elation she felt from his unexpected action made Miriam snap her hips into his, forcing his cock deeper creating more room for his cum to splurge through. The overstimulation made the young woman shake violently, her pussy now refusing to release her hold on his cock. Javier groaned loud into her throat, the noise emanating from deep within.

Finally, with the last few rocks of his hips, he pulled his cock from inside her, the spoils of his climax spilling out with the friction of his length. Once he had fully unsheathed himself, due to her hips being pointed at a high angle, any droplets of cum which surrounded the circumference of her heat fell back inside. The sight of her cum-filled pussy made Javier’s cock twitch, threatening to become hard again. Her puffy cunt pulsed, drinking back every last drop until it was deep inside her warm cavern.

Attempting to wipe away her tears, the mundane fidgeting caught Javier’s attention, him only now realising just how badly she had been crying. Once he tucked himself away, he leant over her to brush his thumb over her watery cheeks.

“Hey…” He cooed. He thought her tears were a product of their love-making but seeing her continue spill them made the man feel genuine concern. A flash of hurt sparkled across his coffee-coloured eyes as she scrunched her nose and tried her best to wipe away anymore tears that were left behind. “Did I hurt you?” A crackle of laughter bubbled past her lips, shaking her head to him.

“No.”

“Then why are you crying?” That wide, close-eyed smile returned once more and this time he was there to witness her expression of joy.

“I’m… I’m just so happy.” A charming look graced Javier’s features.

“Yeah?” Miriam nodded, humming her confirmation. He closed his eyes in contentment. “Me too, mi amor.” Javier lifted her own delicate hand towards his face. With a look of faraway dreams, he placed the softest of kisses against her fingers. To finally hear her speak such honeyed words to him and he in return at long last came to terms with his deep-rooted feelings he held for her – the shadows within his mind felt less dark than before. His demons had been blinded by her luminescent light.

He couldn’t help but consider if she was an angel sent by God. Or a Saint sent to guide him through the darkness that threatened to take over.

Whoever she was, or whomever had sent her, he knew he had to appreciate every waking second with her. Time threatened all beings.

He vowed silently, on that warm summer’s night, that he would devote himself to her and strive for a life where they could be free.

Together.

[quipxotic]

Answers and events I hope for in C3E96; spoilers for C3E95 below the cut, obviously, and also because it got really long:

For everyone left in the room to talk about what Orym experienced in the fight. I think it’s hard to judge where people will ultimately fall on the intra-party conflict based only on what we saw in that last hour of the previous episode when, A) they woke up in the middle of a situation and may have missed some of the context, and B) were so shocked in the moment that some of them seemed unsure of how to act or what to feel. Talking about it would be helpful to everyone, including the audience. I’m particularly interested in the Ashton-Orym-Fearne of it all. Ashton tried to de-escalate and get Laudna to apologize, but was not as demonstrably supportive of Orym having the sword as Dorian and Chet were. Previously Ashton and Orym have been among each others' biggest supporters, so how does Orym feel about that reaction? Personally, I don't think this will open a rift between the tanks, but it would be bad if it did. Also, Fearne was reluctant to take sides between her two friends. How does Orym feel about that?

For Imogen to return to BH’s room and immediately blurt out that Laudna is knowingly feeding Delilah. Do I think this will happen? No*. If she did do it, might Laudna see it as a betrayal? Probably. Might it ultimately help Laudna? I think it could help to have everyone know what she's dealing with and why she's acting out of character. Plus, while the reemergence of Delilah is a recent event in-story, I am personally ready for the narrative to move on from her being the unaddressed elephant in the room. And BH definitely needs to come up with a plan before Delilah either seizes control of Laudna or Percy sees her form of dread and takes the choice out of their hands.

How is Laudna going to act towards the rest of BH after her absorption of Otohan’s dagger? In her conversation with Imogen at the end of the last episode Laudna said she "didn't mean to...," but that seemed to me to have more to do with Laudna’s fear that she’d damaged their relationship, not any actual regrets about her actions. Will she be immediately apologetic with the rest of the Hells? Will she deflect and try to act like nothing has changed? As in her conversation with Imogen, her reaction may depend on how they act toward her and whether they insist on consequences.

Some push-back or boundary setting from BH toward Delilah and Laudna’s recent actions. Again, I’m not convinced this will happen based on prior experiences and I know they’re about to head into something difficult, but ignoring what’s happening with Laudna has the potential of making that difficult situation even more dangerous. When Ashton tried to absorb the shard, he had about two-and-half to three episodes-worth of consequences and mea culpas. You can debate whether that was warranted, and I know there are strong feelings on all sides there. You can argue that the situations are different, which is certainly true. But Ashton didn’t attack anyone in the party and, intentionally or unintentionally, Laudna did. There's got to be some kind of reckoning with her doing that. It’s not about whose actions were worse, again they are different situations. And it's not about making Laudna suffer because Ashton did, but the whole point of the trust-building exercises was to build a stronger group. This is a setback in that effort and I don’t think it’s just we fans who will draw connections between the two events.

Also, as an aside, I find it funny (in an "Oh look, narrative connections!" not "Ha-ha" kind of way) that both Ashton and Laudna's respective power grabs could have/may have destructive consequences for Whitestone. One up close and the other (currently) at a distance.

For Fearne to question Orym about his pact with Nana Morri. There’s been a lot of fandom speculation around what everyone’s reactions to that will be, so I can’t wait to see how it plays out in-game. I suspect there will be some surprises.

How will the Fearne/Ashton and Orym/Dorian relationships develop? Will the potential for romantic partnerships there change the EXU trio’s friendships with each other?

Let’s go to Aeor everyone! As a C3 fan, it’ll be my first time there but I’ve seen a lot of hints and discussion from C2 fans and I adored EXU: Calamity’s depiction of the Age of Arcanum, so I’m excited about BH exploring the ruins of another city from that time period.

Essek’s reaction to BH’s…everything. To the fight and the tension in the group, yes, but also to just them as individuals. I always enjoy outside characters' impressions of the Hells.

New outfits and character art! Maybe? Hopefully?

Where are the other members of the Cerberus Assembly and where do they stand on Ludinus and his plans?

*I will be very surprised if Imogen tells everyone, but I will not be surprised if she tells at least one person about it telepathically. In the past that person would have been Orym, so it'll be telling if she chooses to confide in him this time. Given the situation, she might go to Ashton, Chet, or Fearne instead and all of them would react to that information in very different ways.

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

Some time ago you answered the question what if Quaritch's case was retried and he regained custody. I wonder what if the court ordered supervised meetings between Quaritch and 16 year old Spider to start with, and the place where they were to be the home of the current foster family, the Sullys? How would a meeting go, considering the hatred of the Sullys and Spider towards Q?

Oh the Cabin Custody Au (part 1 and part 2) I loved writing that au so I’m happy to expand on it.

So I’ve read up on the reunification process between a parent and a child who’s been taken away by C.P.S. So from my understanding of things the process all depends on why a child was taken away. C.P.S and the courts comes up with a path to reunification that the parent has to follow in order to get their child back. That sometimes includes therapy, A.A meetings or parenting classes. In Quaritch’s case he would have voluntarily done a psyc evaluation as part of his court evidence that he is mentally stable and so the judge wouldn’t have him do therapy (even though he totally needs it)

So then the meetings. Again this is just my understanding of things but supervised meetings are overseen by a social worker or an agreed upon guardian in the court house or a visitation facility. They can take place at a home or park but only if the court allows. In this case since Quaritch and the Sully’s have beef that’s been well documented in court the judge would never allow the Sully’s to be part of Spider’s visitation. So the meetings happen at a visitation facility. Norm was Spider’s social worker until Quaritch argued that Norm being Jake’s best friend had a bias against him and couldn’t be impartial. So the courts assigned Spider a new social worker and he does not like her. She a complete Karen, fake nice and unsettling. She picks him up from the Sully’s four times a week to see his dad. Spider resisted the first few times, refusing to leave the house but Karen threatened to call the cops to force him to comply. Spider didn’t want to put the Sully’s through that so he begrudgingly goes.

Quaritch always gets there super early. When Spider is pushed into the room his face lights up. He’s so excited to spend time with his son even though he knows the boy wants nothing to do with him. Spider made that abundantly clear when the verdict was handed down. Quaritch went to hug him. Spider stormed out of the room. Now the boy is huddled in the corner, glaring at him, looking ready to lash out at the smallest provocation. Karen had given Quaritch a list of helpful talking points to try and engage his child in conversation so he asks, “how was your day.”

“Complete shit knowing I had to see you today.”

“Miles,” Karen shrieks, “there’s no need for….”

Quaritch holds up a hand, “it’s okay. This is a lot. I get that. He wouldn’t be my son if he didn’t have a spit fire attitude.” Quaritch smiles fondly at him. Spider dies inside refusing to speak for the rest of the meeting or any meetings going forward. Quaritch still tries to talk to him though, all calm and gentle. And it reflects well on him. Karen has to take notes to give to the court so she says that Quaritch is patient and kind with his son despite the boy’s attitude probably. She suggests Spider goes to reunification therapy, though this only stays a suggestion, the court never orders it.

So after a few weeks Quaritch gets bumped up to unsupervised visits. Jake won’t let Quaritch anywhere near his house so he drops Spider off at the chosen location. Jake doesn’t want to drop Spider off at all but everyone knows if Spider doesn’t attend his visits then Quaritch will accuse the Sully’s of keeping his son from him and then who knows how messy that’ll get. So Spider goes, meeting his dad at the park. Jake and Quaritch glare daggers at each other but for the sake of not ending up in court they don’t speak to each other.

When Spider approaches Quaritch tries to pat his shoulder only for his son to buck the touch and round on him hissing like an animal. Quaritch sighs, “well what do you want to do kiddo? We can grab something to eat, see a movie, i can take you to the skate park or….

“Can I go back to my real home?”

“Sure. In another two weeks when I move up to weekend visits you can come home. But for now what should we do?” Spider doesn’t answer, scowling. “Oh fine, I’ll surprise you then. Get in the car and let’s hit it.”

Spider runs off in the opposite direction instead. He’ll make his way back home on foot if he has to. Quaritch having expected this jumps in his car and follows him. Spider can run pretty fast but obviously the car is faster. Quaritch is driving by the sidewalk yelling, “you know if you go back I can say I didn’t get my full time with y’a. That’ll look bad on the Sully’s. I can go to court and say…”

Spider stops, rolling his eyes with a groan, “fuck fine, y’a bitch. Let’s just get this over with.”

Quaritch take him to a retro themed dinner where Spider gorges himself on food trying to hurt his dad’s bank account. His dad just chuckles and goes, “damn kid y’a sure you’ve had enough or do you need more.”

After to Spider’s surprise Quaritch takes him to the art museum. They don’t speak much while there. Quaritch just trails after his son as the boy happily runs from piece to piece.

The rest of their meetings are similar and then it’s time for a weekend visit before everything will be a done deal. Spider is determined to be a little terror the entire time. His dad just thinks it’s funny. Quaritch takes him shopping to get whatever he wants for his bedroom, a whole new wardrobe, a new laptop and anything else Spider’s heart desires. Spider once again tries to hurt Quaritch’s bank account but also is just a complete brat in the store in his attempt to humiliate his dad and get a rise of him. But it doesn’t work. Quaritch laughs at him and says, “boy do you really think I can’t see what you’re trying to do? Now stop this silly shit. You’re only embarrassing yourself.”

When that fails Spider decides he’s going to give himself a black eye and blame his dad. He’s in his room, winding up with a metal thermos when Quaritch just barges right in, “Miles dinner is - what are you doing?”

“Nothing!” Spider hurries to hide his thermos, “haven’t you ever heard of knocking!”

His dad smirks, hands clasped behind his back, “you weren’t plannin’ on giving yourself a shiner with that thermos we’re y’a?”

Spider smirks back, “maybe I was. Who do you think the courts would believe? The kid with the black eye or the convicted felon.”

Quaritch moves his hands revealing his phone, recording their whole conversation. Spider’s stomach drops “Me. Don’t try that dumb shit again. Now come down for dinner.”

After that it’s a done deal. So all in all Quaritch and the Sully’s wouldn’t really come face to face because they all know they’ll just break out into a huge fight that’ll lead to some messiness in court. Spider would make things hard but Quaritch would know what’s up and be patient with him.

Thanks for the question 💞

[amethystina]

Hello ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

I hope you’re doing better, both physically and mentally. I know you’ve been through a lot recently, and I truly hope you’re finding moments of peace and comfort in this difficult time.

I wanted to reach out because I usually connect with your thoughts on The Devil Judge, and I’m curious to see if we align on this perspective as well. I've noticed that many in the fandom view Yohan as being kinder and more selfless than he seems, believing he truly cares about people and their struggles. But from my perspective, it feels different. I think Yohan recognizes others' pains, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he empathizes deeply with them or feels much sympathy.

What do you think?

it’s always a pleasure to hear your thoughts.

May the rest of your day be filled with moments of calm and joy.

Hi there 💜

Unfortunately, I'm not doing the greatest but, well, that's sort of the norm right now? It could be worse, in all honesty. Me and my wife have some friends visiting from our university days, though, which is lovely! But that also means I'm going to be even more absent from here this coming week. Just a head's up.

Anyhow! Since I don't really read fics or metas for The Devil Judge I admit that I don't know what the consensus of the fandom is on any given subject. Except, perhaps, what I can glimpse in comments on my fics or in the asks I receive here on Tumblr. This means that whatever opinions I express are usually my own without influence from anyone else, which makes them very subjective, pretty limited, and, perhaps, not as well-rounded as if I had spent time discussing them with someone else. And I just want everyone to remember that whenever I answer one of these asks.

These are my opinions but I'm not going to claim that I'm right or that my thoughts are the only valid ones. They might, in fact, be spectacularly wrong since I never run them by anyone before I express them.

So, with that out of the way: Yo Han is not a kind man.

That's not to say that he's incapable of compassion or empathy, but his ability to relate to other people is, at the very least, severely stunted. I know that some think that he must have an antisocial personality disorder but, personally, I'm not comfortable diagnosing him with anything. I'm just not qualified to make that kind of assessment.

But what I can say is that he's definitely not a very considerate man.

But, as with all things Yo Han, the subject is a little more complex than that — and stems back to his childhood and past trauma.

To make a long story short, I think that Yo Han is emotionally mature and intelligent enough to recognise right from wrong. I also agree with you that he can see when people are in pain and, in some ways, probably relate to them. But what he actually does with that information depends entirely on who the person is and what scale we're talking about.

Because, as we see in the drama, Yo Han doesn't really care what happens to the people outside of his small, chosen circle. He was clearly shaken when Han So Yoon was kidnapped and K died, for example, but the unidentifiable mass of "the Korean people" doesn't interest him as much. Yo Han is incredibly loyal, yes, and capable of a fierce, all-consuming kind of love, but it's reserved for a selected few.

As for everyone else?

Not his problem.

And while that's pretty uncaring — ruthless, even — I think it's in part because of his childhood. He was so isolated that he can't really relate to people, only made worse by the fact that his mind probably doesn't work like most people's do. So even if he deeply loves someone, his empathy is still a bit patchy. He's used to pushing through pain and heartache and doesn't quite seem to understand that other people aren't — or at least not to the extent that he does it. Yo Han is a master at compartmentalising but doesn't understand that he's an outlier in that.

And so his ability to relate to people and understand their pain is severely limited. Because he's not working with the same variables as everyone else. Something that will barely faze him is enough to completely break someone else and despite being so clever, I don't think he understands that.

And it's even worse when you look at it on a wider scale. He's even less sympathetic when it's people he doesn't know personally and, quite frankly, I don't think he wants to care about nameless strangers. Yo Han protects and sympathises with the people closest to him — the ones he can see and touch and feel — but he doesn't waste emotional or mental bandwidth on everyone else. In some ways, he might not be capable of that. Because, again, the isolation he was put through as a child probably left quite a lot of scars and made him unable to connect with people in a healthy way.

He's not like Ga On, who genuinely cares about the fate of the common man and their country as a whole. I think that Yo Han sees the suffering and clearly doesn't mind doing a kind act here and there when he gets the opportunity — like donating the prison warden's money — but I still wouldn't call him a kind or a considerate man. He can be but also chooses not to be more often than not.

It doesn't come instinctively to him the way it does for Ga On.

Again, that's not to say that Yo Han doesn't know how to be kind — of course he does — but I don't think he views it the same way most people do. It's almost as if he thinks that kindness is a finite resource and therefore hesitates to waste it on people he doesn't care about on a personal level.

So no, I don't think he genuinely cares about other people's struggles and pain to the degree most people do. But it's not necessarily because he's evil or anything like that, but rather because he's so guarded. I've touched on it a couple of times in Who Holds the Devil, but I think that Yo Han is very cautious to reveal what he wants or admit when he cares about someone, simply because he's afraid of having it taken away or losing the person in question.

And if he were to care about every suffering citizen in South Korea the way Ga On does? I don't think Yo Han could handle that. I think he's shielding himself from that kind of commitment out of sheer self-preservation because every time he cares about someone, he leaves himself vulnerable for heartbreak. And he's not really equipped to deal with that heartbreak should it happen (again: emotionally stunted and childhood trauma)

In some ways, I think Yo Han is too scared to fully care about other people and, even when he does, he's always bracing himself for what he thinks is the inevitable pain of losing them.

But he does want to connect with people. Which means that he can probably learn to be more considerate of people he doesn't love on a personal level, but, again, I'm not sure if he wants to. At least not during the drama or even shortly after it. I think Yo Han is perfectly fine with being the way he is. He doesn't want to be a hero and has no interest in philanthropy — aside from how it might boost his reputation or, alternatively, punish those he thinks are behaving badly (like the prison warden).

But a couple of years down the line if he and Ga On are a couple? I think that Ga On could wear him down enough that Yo Han regularly donates to good causes and such. But Yo Han would do it more because he wants to indulge Ga On than out of any feeling of responsibility of his own. Because, when it comes down to it, I think Yo Han doesn't have any love and devotion to spare for the people outside his immediate circle. Taking care of them is difficult enough what with his upbringing and struggles to understand relationships.

Just like Yo Han says in the drama: I don't care if humanity falls as long as I have you two.

That's what he cares about most and even if he's capable of kindness and compassion, he saves it for the people he thinks matter. But even then I don't think he can empathise as deeply as most people would. Because he just doesn't understand that not everyone has his ability to compartmentalise and briskly deal with their emotions and trauma. I suspect that he thinks that Ga On is a bit too emotional a lot of the time. And even if Yo Han loves Ga On with every fibre of his being, he also thinks that Ga On's inability to control his emotions is both impractical and annoying — maybe even silly. Because Yo Han just doesn't get it.

He can't put himself in Ga On's shoes or understand that some people are just more emotional and need more frequent outlets for said emotions.

So yeah. I don't think that Yo Han is a particularly compassionate or considerate person, and he struggles to fully understand the people he loves, too. It's easier for him to be kind to them, at least, but he can't really empathise with them, either. But I would argue that it's not really his fault so much as a result of his childhood, all the trauma, and how he is a person. And it doesn't mean he's incapable of love or taking care of people — he's just very selective and, sometimes, he'll stumble because he doesn't understand what the fuck is going on x'D

In short: He's a disaster, your honour.