#I’m glad my brain is able to balance more fixations now that I have a special interest again

[dragons1re]

If I had a nickel for each time I hyperfixated on a show with a blond autistic mc…

…I’d have three nickels, which isn’t a lot…but it’s weird it’s happened thrice!

[glysaturn]

hello glysaturn i have been following u for *years* and i want u to know that i havent for one second been convinced that your art is not good or has plateaued in some way. i think that youve managed to convince yourself of these ideas but i want to remind you that the more you continue to think this way the worse it gets. personally i felt at my most hopeless as an artist when i was obsessing over how bad i thought my art was and how little engagement it got online. i hit a point where i stopped drawing entirely for a while because i kept asking myself why i was doing any of this if it was “bad” — but then how could someone ever improve if they give up? all these negative thoughts bashing your own art just lead to hopelessness and an unwillingness to keep trying.

i’m glad that you *do* continue to push through and continue making art but i think it’s important to remember that you shouldnt be comparing yourself to other people. every artist u see online built up to wherever they are now and i think instead of fixating on how “good” their art is or how many likes theyre getting it’s healthier to fixate on the practice and effort they put in to getting there. i’m sorry if you’re not looking for comments about your outlook but again as someone who has been a fan and a follower for like over 5 years it saddens me to see one of my favorite artists tripping themselves up so often

i'm.. not sure what prompted this message. if it was my last post then you severely misunderstood it, no offence, like maybe it's on me for failing to convey exactly what i was trying to say, but i definitely was not coming from a place of self-hate. i love my art! i've just noticed a certain.. pattern in it which was making the process frustrating for me as of late. a pattern which was born through my damn perfectionism. it was making me feel like i have to squeeze my art out rather than just making it happen naturally. even if i like the final result, it takes too much out of me and it's just not very fun. so for a while now i was trying to start taking it easier, making simpler, messier works and through that - learning how to maybe draw something that might be a bit more complex but it would feel less like manual labour. whatever change i may want to see in my art isn't driven by outside factors, it's driven by my own desire to improve.

if this was prompted by my.. less than sane behaviour that i exhibit from time to time. first of all - i'm sorry you had to see that, trust me i ain't proud of it. secondly, uhhh, i get where you're coming from, but i feel like it's still not entirely accurate to what i'm experiencing. am i comparing my works to works of others? …….yea. sometimes. it's a god damn curse. does it make me feel bad about my art? not anymore, no, not really. i definitely do not look at someone else's art and think mine is shit in comparison. i think mine is quite good and worthy. it is true that i was not able to find any sort of balance that would let me exist online fully in peace. but i'm still looking for it, still trying to figure it out. and none of it is going to actually make me stop drawing and loving my own art. i know i said the thought of quitting crosses my mind from time to time, i did, but i was just in a moment of experiencing very intense emotions. i don't actually mean it, like deeply. my brain is wired in such a way that if i were to stop drawing, i would literally lose my mind. i simply cannot sit and do nothing. i MUST create. so there's that.

thank you for your.. concern?

[allthingskakashi]

8 please🥺🥺🥺

• Under Grey Skies •

[ Kakashi x Reader] // 3k

Fluff Prompt : “No, like... it’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes” // Kakashi x Reader

A/n: This was supposed to be "short" but i unfortunately do not comprehend that word. Dunno what that is mate never heard of it, and i also haven't written in a month and have become quite rusty so here i hope you enjoy this 3k worded hot pile of stinking poo 👍🏼😃

When you left your house at 10 am this morning, the skies were clear as glass. No clouds in sight, and a brightly glowing Sun perched high overhead. That was the very reason you’d chosen today to get done with your errands, the hundreds of errands you’d been putting off for weeks now.

Not so surprisingly however, fate had been pulling a dirty prank on you. Soon after you left the house, dark grey splotches appeared across the sky, engulfing the sunny rays and shortly afterwards, the streets began to ring with the sound of splattering rain.

So here you are now, standing on the roadside under the shed of Ichiraku Ramen with a hand full of heavy bags, watching the thundering rains which show no sign of stopping any time soon. You are unquestionably without an umbrella, and the handles of the big brown bags in your hands are beginning to leave painful red lines across your palms.

You have no idea how long this wretched rain will go on for and by the looks of it, you’re in for a long haul, so you decide that you might as well make yourself comfortable.

Letting out a loud sigh and muttering a string of expletives under your breath, you put your bags down on the counter of the ramen shop. Your stomach grumbles as you take a seat on one of stools, your eyes falling upon the menu chart stuck to the wall, with names of all sorts of ramen variants written on it, complete with matching bright pictures alongside.

Hot ramen. That sounds so good right now.

But taking a peek inside your purse, you’re met with disappointment. You’d only come out with enough money for your errands and with what you have left, the best you can get is one candy. And not even the good kind.

You sit waiting with your drenched clothes sticking to your body, drops of water rolling down from the tips of your hair to your lap. Out ahead, the rain is creating puddles of water on the street, and you watch the rush of pedestrians hurrying to get home, eager to avoid ending up in your state.

If it weren’t for all these bags, you might have been able to do the same.

Someone runs past you, sending a big splash of water to your feet as you retreat further into your stool, letting out another sigh.

Of course, this happens to me.

Your plan was to finish all your errands and pick up some stuff for lunch. Your busy schedule hadn’t allowed you to cook yourself a nice meal in a long time and you really wanted to use this weekend off to cook yourself something delicious, have a glass of wine, read a book and relax within the comfort of your home. The home which you barely got to spend any time in these days. But of course, you’re stuck out in the streets in the pouring rain instead.

You remain sitting for you’re not sure how long. The streets have long cleared up. The same however cannot be said for the rain, which has only grown worse in the past half an hour. You’re frustrated out of your mind, counting sheep in your head when suddenly, the frame of a familiar figure on the road catches your eye. Your heart instinctively does a flip at the sight of the silver haired man, who seems to be walking towards you in slow, careless saunter.

You feel the panic in your throat rise and steadily grow into a lump. This day has been horrible enough already, without the disaster of Kakashi seeing you in this pitiful state to add to it. You’ve already made a fool of yourself in front of him more times than you’d like to admit, thanks to your awkward, clumsy self and you don’t need it again, especially not today. There’s just something about Kakashi that makes the wiring in your brain go completely haywire, causing you to end up acting like an imbecile every single time you're around him.

You straighten up in your stool as you see him nearing, tucking a clump of wet hair behind your ear as the thud inside your heart grows louder and louder with each of his approaching steps. But before you’re able to steady your breath, he’s right outside the shop, lifting the white banner to let himself in.

“Y/n?” he exclaims, folding his umbrella and shaking it off as takes your sight in. “What are you doing out here in the rain?”

He’s standing closer to you than your heart can take and you clear your throat before answering.

“Oh, I just… came out for errands and didn’t anticipate the rain.” You say, rolling your eyes and glancing at the cluster of bags behind you. You watch his eyes dart towards them before returning to you. “You look like you did, though” you say, pointing at the umbrella in his hand with a smile.

He looks down, shaking his head, “Ah, that’s just my ninken. They have a nose for this sort of thing, so they let me know beforehand.” He says, returning your smile.

You watch the way his mask creases as he smiles, the air surrounding you falling into a comfortable silence as you watch him in awe, a stupid grin plastered across your face. It almost feels like you’re having a moment, and it could’ve been a good one, had your stomach not let out a loud, hungry growl in the middle of it.

Your demeanour changes immediately, the grin on your face receding as your eyebrows shoot up and you feel a warm rush creep its way to your cheeks.

Kakashi lets out a chuckle, looking otherwise unaffected. “It seems like you’re hungry.” he says, stating the obvious.

“Yeah, I uh…” you fumble, averting your eyes to avoid looking at him, “didn’t have breakfast today.”

“Well, come on then.” Kakashi replies flatly, nodding his head towards the direction of the street. Beyond him, the clouds are grumbling, the rain still falling in a steady splatter.

You look up at his words, the thud in your heart making itself known once again. “Come… where?”

He looks at you as if you asked him what the color of grass is.

“Well you didn’t think I was gonna leave you out here, did you?” he asks, his tone implying that you shouldn’t even have thought of such a stupid question.

“Well i was actually pretty much preparing to spend the night here today” you reply with a relieved chuckle, before jumping down from your stool.

"Sorry to spoil your plans, then" he says and you turn around, reaching for the bags on the counter but Kakashi gets to them before you. “Let me” he interjects, pulling the heavy bags down from the counter as if they were cotton.

“You take this” he commands, holding the umbrella out to you as he distributes your bags evenly between each of his hands.

In spite of the somersaults that your stomach is making inside your body, you feel pretty grateful to have run into him.

“I have to say, I’m kind of glad you came along” you say, flashing him a big grin and watching his eyes beam with a shy smile as you take the umbrella from him, turning around to face the rain outside, which all of a sudden, doesn’t seem so bad anymore.

Kakashi stands close behind you as you stretch out the umbrella and hold it above your heads, both of you stepping out onto the wet slippery street.

You balance it high enough so it covers Kakashi’s head and make your way ahead, trying your best not to step into any puddles.

“My place is just around the corner” he remarks, crouching ever so slightly and nestling close to you to fit himself under the umbrella. “We’ll be there within five minutes.”

That’s a damn shame is what you want to say, but instead, you just nod.

The umbrella is too small for the both of you to be cramped under, and you can’t help the constant bumping of your arms with each alternate step.

Every nerve in your body is high on alert, exceedingly aware of Kakashi’s proximity to you and with every light brush of his bare forearm against yours, you feel a shiver run through your skin, the hair in your arm standing up in consequence. You wonder if Kakashi can feel it, but you suppose even if he did, it could just be blamed on the strong gusts of cold wind.

“The rain is kind of beautiful though, isn’t it?” you interrupt, more to distract yourself than anything else.

Kakashi turns his face, peering down at you as his mouth drawls into a slow smile. “It sure is.” he says, and it almost feels like he wants to add something more, but he doesn’t.

Raindrops pound heavily down on the umbrella covering you, its rhythmic sound matching the beats of your own heart. You continue walking without exchanging any more words, the silence between you cut only by the rain, your heartbeat and the squeaky noise of your slippers.

You put all your concentration into fixating your gaze on the ground, attempting not only to make sure you avoid an embarrassing slip or a fall, but to ignore the little voice in your head. The voice that has constantly been whispering into your ears, planting all sorts of seeds in your mind about what it would be like, to just reach your hand out right now and grip Kakashi’s hand, which is so so close to you, intertwining his long fingers with yours.

You shake your head, shoving the temptation away and look up at Kakashi, scooting closer to ensure you don’t push him out into the rain.

For someone cramped under a small umbrella in the heavy rain, carrying another person’s bags, you notice that he looks quite…unbothered. Up this close, you cannot help observing how beautiful his eyelashes are, and you resist, for the hundredth time, the urge to press yourself against him and litter his face with kisses.

Your reverie is broken, and thankfully so by the sound of his voice. “We’re here”, he says, stopping in front of an old building and pushing open the small iron gate with his foot, stepping aside to let you in first.

You might be making this up, but you think you heard him sound almost disappointed.

You gaze up at the white four storeyed building in front of you. The jounin headquarters. Being a chunnin yourself, you’ve never been here before. And until today, you never thought you would any time soon, especially under this kind of a circumstance.

Stepping inside under the shade, you close the umbrella, finding yourself wishing that the jounin quarters weren’t quite so close by. Kakashi follows in after you with the bags and the both of you make your way up a long winding staircase. The metal bannister looks rusty, like it hasn’t been furnished in a long time. You climb up three flights of stairs, before stopping outside a door on the fourth floor.

Looking around, you notice that there are two more doors other than Kakashi’s on this floor, but they seem to be unoccupied. Your damp clothes cling to your skin and you can feel a small chill run through you.

“I feel kind of bad, intruding upon you like this” you say, rubbing your arms and waiting as Kakashi scours his pocket for the keys. “Are you sure I’m not interrupting anything?”

“Just a lonely afternoon”, he answers reassuringly, before jamming a key into the lock and pushing the door open.

“Come on in”, he says as you step inside, taking the view of his living room in and telling yourself again and again that you really are in Kakashi Hatake’s apartment. It’s a small one, but well maintained and with minimal clutter. Behind you, Kakashi hangs his wet vest on a hook in the wall and keeps your bags down on the floor.

“y/n you’re shivering”, he says in a concerned tone, looking up at your shuddering body dripping water all over his floor.

“Shit! I’m so sorry, I’m making such a mess” you say, noticing the small puddle of water that has formed near your feet. “Do you have a towel or anything I could wipe this off with?” you ask, your face borrowing the look of an apologetic dog who’s made a mess on the carpet.

“Leave all that to me” Kakashi says, waving you off and guiding you towards his bathroom by your shoulders. “Go take a hot shower and get changed into some warm clothes. Can’t have a shinobi of the Leaf fall sick under my watch.”

His tone is enough to make you melt into a mush and you comply, stepping into his bathroom as he disappears into another room. “Towels are in the shelf!” you hear him yell as you study his bathroom cabinet. Like his living room, his bathroom cabinet is also devoid of any clutter and only occupied by the bare essentials.

You turn the switch to the geyser on, waiting for the water to get hot as Kakashi reappears in the doorway, clutching a pair of his clothes. “Here”, he says, holding the clothes out to you. “I suppose they will be a little loose on you, but—”

“It’s perfect.”, you cut him off. “Thank you, Kakashi. I’m really… I’m really thankful for this.” You say, taking the clothes from him.

“It’s no big deal” he smiles. “I’ll be outside” he says and you nod, closing the door.

The water is just the right amount of warm and you take a blissful shower, the bliss of the moment only intensified by the realisation that you, Y/n, are really in Kakashi Hatake’s house. Not just in his house, but also in his bathroom, using his towels and wearing his clothes.

You wipe yourself dry, hanging your discarded clothes on the rack beside an already hanging trouser and slip yourself into the fresh pair of clothes. It’s a baggy grey t shirt and navy blue trousers, both quite loose against your frame. The t shirt runs past your thighs but the trousers thankfully have strands which you have tied tightly enough, so you hope they won’t slip down any time soon.

You catch a glimpse of your face in the cabinet mirror and find yourself glowing. But more than your skin, it’s probably your heart giving you that glow. You pull the shirt up to your nose, inhaling the smell in. It smells just like you thought Kakashi would. Comforting… familiar, like something that makes you feel at home. Like the smell of crayons from your childhood, or freshly baked cookies.

Smiling to yourself and revelling in the pure comfort and warmth of his clothes, you step out, fanning your wet hair out with your hand

A delicious smell hits your nose almost immediately, and you’re reminded of how completely starved you are.

You step further into the dining area, and find Kakashi in the kitchen adjacent to it, doing something on the gas. You notice that he’s changed into a pair of fresh clothes too, and seeing him in anything other than his uniform for the first time makes something flip inside you.

He turns around, his eyes lighting up immediately as he catches sight of you. You watch him look you up and down, before breaking into a boyish chuckle.

“What?” you ask confused, looking at him and then down at yourself. “Oh crap, I’m wearing the shirt inside out, Jesus!” you say, huffing as you attempt to make a turn back towards the bathroom.

“Oh, no that’s not it” you hear Kakashi object behind you, shaking his head.

You stop at the sound of his voice, turning around as he speaks. “I wasn’t laughing at you. Although… you do look a little funny”

You narrow your eyes at Kakashi and he raises his hands up in defence. “Just a little!” he protests as you make an eyeroll in reply, before pressing on. “What is it, then?”

You watch his muscles tense up ever so slightly, as he flips something on the pan a few times before looking back at you, his dark eyes sombre.

“No, like...” he fumbles, “it’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.” He says softly.

You feel a warm rush of blood creep up to your cheeks as you look down, burning under the intensity of his gaze. Your fingers fidget with the hem of his shirt as you scour your brain to come up with something, anything to say.

Thankfully for you, the oven timer dings, attracting his attention away from you and putting you out of your quandary.

“What’s that?” you ask, drawing nearer to him to take a peek at everything he seems to have strewn about on the kitchen counter.

His words still ring at the back of your mind, lying in a thick cloak around you, making your heart beat faster than it usually does, even around him.

“It’s nothing much, you were hungry, so…I just whipped something up.” he says, but judging by the smell, you’re pretty sure that it’s nothing he has “just whipped up”.

“It smells delicious, Kakashi”, you say, almost feeling yourself choking up. You cannot recall the last time someone had prepared a meal for you. And now, here you are, standing in Kakashi Hatake’s kitchen, and he had not only saved your pitiful ass from the rain and invited you to his house and let you shower at his place but he had also cooked a meal for you. For YOU, with his own two hands.

You feel your stomach twisting and turning in all sorts of ways, but it’s not just the hunger. It’s something else and the realisation dawns upon you that if it’d mean ending up in Kakashi’s kitchen in this way again, you’d gladly be stranded in the cold rain out on the streets a thousand times over, and then a hundred more.

His voice breaks you out of your trance for the second time that day and you look up at him, his beautiful face formed into the most charming smile you’ve ever seen. He holds a hand out, gesturing towards the table where he seems to have carefully laid out two plates.

“Come on, let’s eat?” he says, and you follow along, thanking the universe silently in your heart for making it rain today.

[asha-weak]

Switch Wangxian: NSFW

It is beautiful as fuck me supports so i wrote something 

NSFW NSFW

Wei Ying moaned, his hand speeding up on his dick, the other one thrusting the dildo in his ass faster and faster.

"Mmf! Fuck fuck aahhh...." He whined, his hips jerking and toes curling from the pleasure. He was so close so fucking close.

Then suddenly,

Knock

Wei Ying stopped. Resisting the urge to scream bloody murder. He knew that if he continued while whoever was outside of his room, he wouldn't be able to keep his voice suppressed.

"Wei Ying."

Came a soft voice. So familiar and so lovely Wei Ying had to stop himself from involuntarily stroking his dick. "Y-Yeah? Lan Zhan? D.. Do you need something?" He winced at how obvious his voice sounded.

"...." Was silence from the other side.

"Lan Zhan?" Wei Ying tried again.

"....Wei Ying. Is Wei Ying okay?" Lan Zhan unexpectedly asked.

Wei Ying was confused. Did something happen? He didn't cause any trouble today... Yet. Nor did he do anything reckless that could hurt him. So why was Lan Zhan worried for his perfect health?

"...no..." Wei Ying drawled, still puzzled. But maybe there was something in his voice that didn't agree with the situation because the next second Lan Zhan entered his room, closing the door shut behind him.

"L-Lan Zhan??" Wei Ying squeaked, glad that the curtain was down, giving him what little privacy he could have since he had pushed away his blanket earlier he had nothing else to cover himself up with.

He quickly slid his robe on, somehow managing not to jostle the dildo still buried deep in his ass. Just the reminder of it made him want to whimper and rock against it but with Lan Zhan right in front of him he wanted nothing else but to pull it out.

But he couldn't. He knows he would come, and come with a deafning sound, and even if he was somehow able to pull it out without making any sound in his throat, the loud squelch of the oil dripping from his ass would be enough to alert Lan Zhan about what he was doing.

However.

All his worries wiped themselves away as Lan Zhan opened the privacy screen, peaking in, definitely breaking two of the 3000 rules of the Gusu Sect. 'Rude'

Wei Ying gasped, closing his legs to hide whatever he could as he stared up at the second Jade, also staring back at him with his mouth hanging wide open.

"Aha..ha..ha.. Lan Zhan don't you know a fly would enter your mouth if you kept it open for that long?" Wei Ying joked, trying fruitlessly to extract Lan Zhan's mind and eyes away from his disheveled state.

Lan Zhan was speechless, his gaze stuck on Wei Ying. Wei Ying's dilated eyes, Wei Ying's flushed face, flushed shoulders, flushed chest, Wei Ying's sweaty hands, Wei Ying's plump red bitten lips, Wei Ying's heaving abs, Wei Ying's half covered drooling dick, Wei Ying's long legs, Wei Ying, Wei Ying, Wei Ying, Wei Ying.

Lan Zhan's eyes almost rolled back in his head as he practically fell to his knees, staring intently at his dick, his hands itching to open those thighs and choke on that cock.

He wanted to feel the weight of it in his mouth. So Lan Zhan opened his mouth, letting drool collect and drip from the corners of his mouth, hot puffs of air burning against Wei Ying's sensitive thighs.

Wei Ying was flabbergasted, THE second jade was on his knees, face inches away from his dick with his mouth wide open, ready to be fucked.

"L-L-L-L-Lan Zhan!?!?" He yelped. Shifting away to gain some sanity, because Lan Zhan had clearly lost his. But Lan Zhan made a discontent noise before dragging him back to himself, and before the angle hadn't allowed Lan Zhan to see Wei Ying completely but now...

Now the angle was amazing and Lan Zhan could clearly see the dildo stuffed in Wei Ying's ass, his rim stretched red and wet around it. Lan Zhan couldn't stop himself even if he tried. He whined and licked a broad strip from Wei Ying's full hole all the way to the tip of his dick.

Wei Ying keened and smashed his fist against the wall, legs kicking and hips jerking uncontrollably. "Lan Zhan!" He wailed, fisting his hands in his hair when Lan Zhan swallowed in his cock all at once, his beautiful, small mouth so tight around Wei Ying, he almost cried.

Lan Zhan moved his head at a ridiculous pace, tongue continuously swirling around his tip and occasionally sucking and contracting his throat, making it tighter than it was. Wei Ying was still high and sensitive from his previous ruined orgasm so it didn't take long for him to cum.

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan... I'm- I'm- I gonn.... Gunna cummmm!" Wei Ying's words broke off in a wail and he grabbed Lan Zhan's head, stilling him and face fucking him. Lan Zhan and Wei Ying both twitched, trembling as Lan Zhan squeezed around his dick, swallowing every drop of cum his dick spurted.

"Lan Zhan- ! Nhaaa... Take it out take it out I can't-!" Wei Ying moaned, oversensitive and writhing as the dildo kept pressing against his prostate. Lan Zhan hurriedly but gently coaxed the double ended dildo from Wei Ying's still quivering hole clinging to it.

Lan Zhan mewled as he slid off of Wei Ying's cock, gaze still fixated on it as he licked his lips, shoving his fingers into his own mouth and thrusting in a vain attempt to mirror the same overwhelming feeling he had just experienced. His clean hand roamed down his own body, feeling up his nipples and caressing his stomach before palming his dick through multiple layers of cloth.

Wei Ying still twitching and heaving simply stared at the erotic scene in front of him, laying limp in his bed. His throat felt parched from all the moaning he had done and he had no desire to use it for a while. But he decided to throw that intention away when Lan Zhan started stripping.

"Wei Ying..." He groaned, his own voice fucked out and hoarse. Lan Zhan moaned when he finally had gotten rid of his endless robes, immediately wrapping a hand around his dick and stroking harshly.

Wei Ying gulped, "Lan Zhan. Come 'ere." Thankfully Lan Zhan obeyed at once and climbed onto Wei Ying's chest, his hand leaving his dick and pressing against the bed for balance. Wei Ying groaned and while whining, "Sit on my face, Lan Zhan, please."

Lan Zhan was surprised and was unable to keep his whine to himself. He did as told and hovered above Wei Ying's face. Wei Ying, grabbed his thighs and brought him down, closer to his mouth, Lan Zhan's precum smothering his forehead but Wei Ying didn't care. He licked at the small pink rim, looking as if it had never been touched before.

Lan Zhan whimpered at the first taste of his hole, clenching and unclenching and moaned loudly when Wei Ying slurped at his rim. Soon his hole was wet and ready, precum soaking Wei Ying's hair completely, so without wasting any further time Wei Ying plunged his tongue into the ready hole.

Lan Zhan's eyes shot open and he grabbed uselessly on the wall, nails leaving scratches in the wood, "Wei Ying Oh!" he cried. Wei Ying did it again and Lan Zhan started meeting his tongue's movements, grinding down on his face, "Mmmm... mmnn mm ahhh...." Lan Zhan kept whimpering.

Wei Ying closed his own thighs, feeling his dick harden slowly, he wanted to touch his cock but he also didn't want to stop touching Lan Zhan's skin, he whined and sped up his pace, already restless for his second release.

Then Wei Ying thrusted his tongue as deep as he could and sucked Lan Zhan's hole at the same time, and Lan Zhan was forcefully thrown off the edge. He cried out and slammed his thighs shut against Wei Ying's head, grinding like a madman onto Wei Ying's tongue.

Wei Ying moaned, if he were to accidentally die right here between Lan Zhan's strong thighs bracketing his face, he wouldn't mind at all, he would thank whatever entity that exists to give him this unrealistic view as his last memory.

He didn't realise he had floated away until he blinked open his eyes and Lan Zhan was lying next to him, "Wei Ying...?" Even if Lan Zhan spoke less words, Wei Ying understood what he meant, 'Are you okay? Do you want to rest? Do you want to continue? Do you want me to bring you anything?'

Wei Ying smiled tenderly and croaked out, "Water please." to which Lan Zhan immediately stood up fetched him some water, waiting for him to sit up and handed it to him. Wei Ying drank slowly, "Uh... Uhmm...how long was I gone?"

"3 minutes." Lan Zhan replied, and then he looked down. Wei Ying followed his gaze and blushed terribly, Wei Ying was hard. "U-um... T-this.." he started but shut up when Lan Zhan shifted closer to him, showing off his own stiff shaft. They were both the same size more or less, Wei Ying noted.

Wei Ying was left stupified when Lan Zhan started rocking against him, rubbing both their cocks together and it was no where near satisfying. But still, it made Wei Ying whimper and clutch at the sheets, "L-Lan Zhan..." He mewed.

"I washed it." Lan Zhan's monotonous voice pulled Wei Ying out of his head, "W-what..?" He questioned, need growing in his stomach as Lan Zhan simuntaneously kept grinding them together. "The phallus." He answered.

"Oh.. thanks.. thanks Lan Zhan you didn't have to do that." Wei Ying was perplexed as to why Lan Zhan was bringing up his double ended dildo, was he going to punish him for not abiding by the rules? He got worried when Lan Zhan shook his head, light breaths coming out of him.

"I... I want to use it. Wei Ying." Lan Zhan spoke softly, Wei Ying could see the tips of his ears were deep red and cooed, but he stopped himself when the words settled properly into his muddled brain.

Lan Zhan wants to use MY dildo????

The image of Lan Zhan pushing the dildo in and out of himself while lying on his chest didn't take long to form in his hormonal brain. Wei Ying whined in agreement, "Y-Yeah Lan Zhan... You can you can use it, as much as you want....." It was harder to think anything other than fucking and being fucked by the drop dead gorgeous boy next to him.

Wei Ying sat up properly and sat on top of Lan Zhan's thighs, "I'll prepare you alright..? I'll make it good..." He whispered before leaning down to kiss Lan Zhan gently, which turned into a deep sloppy kiss and they licked and slurped at each other's tongues, pressing their open mouths together and nog wanting to let go, moaning and whining into each other's lips.

Wei Ying had unknowingly started rutting against Lan Zhan and they both broke off at the same time to throw their heads back as their cocks pressed together at an especially pleasuring angle. "Wei Ying hurry-!" Lan Zhan gasped, hands grasping Wei Ying's hips to move him.

Wei Ying nodded, "Yesyesyesyesyes-" murmuring whilst he got off Lan Zhan and went to bring his lubricant since the one he used just before had finished. When he returned Lan Zhan was lying face down ass up ready and wanting.

Wei Ying moaned at the display and climbed into his bed, settling directly behind Lan Zhan, he spread Lan Zhan's asscheeks to reveal the twitching pink hole still glisning from the remanents of his saliva and spit directly on it. Lan Zhan gave an appreciative groan and moved his ass further up telling Wei Ying to just Hurry Up.

Wei Ying drenched his fingers in the lube and warmed it up before pressing those fingers against his rim. He pressed a bit harder with the index finger till it popped in making Lan Zhan moan. Wei Ying bit his lip at the sound and at the sensations on his finger as he slid it all the way in.

Lan Zhan shuddered and sighed, wordlessly letting Wei Ying prepare him. Wei Ying thrusted his finger a few times more till he deemed his hole loose enough to fit another one. "Lan Zhan I'm gonna put another. Alright?" He cautioned and waited for Lan Zhan's signature Mn. Before continuing. He then inserted another and pushed them all the way up to the knuckles, moving them with an almost embarrassing squelching sound.

He scissored his fingers, sometimes hooking a thumb to help in stretching as well. All the while relishing in the small choked noises Lan Zhan would let out. When Lan Zhan was looser he stopped thrusting for the sake of preparing him and started thrusting to give him the euphoric pleasure Wei Ying loved.

Wei Ying pressed his fingers around, searching for his prostate and smiled when Lan Zhan jerked suddenly, moaning, he could see his fists clenched in the pillows trying to understand what had just happened to his body. But Wei Ying without any mercy started finger fucking him, making Lan Zhan whine and moan.

He added a third finger and then a fourth watching at how far his hole stretched and felt his own hole ask for attention. 'Later' he thought to himself and continued fucking Lan Zhan, the one under him crying out of sheer pleasure. Be continued till he grabbed his wrist and pulled his fingers out of himself.

Lan Zhan dropped on the bed, panting and trembling, then flipped himself into his back. He took some time to sit up, "Wei Ying lie on your back." He demanded which Wei Ying complied with. He spread his legs as an invitation a let Lan Zhan sit between them, heart beating faster when he sees Lan Zhan slicking up his fingers and shoving them into his hole.

Wei Ying's mouth opened in a soundless scream as his back arched. He scratched Lan Zhan's arms and raised his hips, grinding sensually back onto Lan Zhan's fingers, "Oof... Ohh... I'm I'm already ready Lan Zhan you don't need to-" he clenched his jaw as Lan Zhan brushed against his prostate, goosebumps rising all over his body, "That's- that's good that's enough L-Lan Zhan."

Reluctantly Lan Zhan removed his fingers and sat down, having support from the headboard, Wei Ying copied him and sat in a similar position, etching closer till their thighs touched and crossed their legs over each other's. Lan Zhan picked up the double ended dildo and lathered it with the lube, rubbing it while staring straight at Wei Ying.

Wei Ying chuckled and bit his lip meeting his intense gaze with one of his own. When Lan Zhan broke their eye contact to bring the dildo to their holes Wei Ying followed his hand, shifting to give him space. "It will be better if you fuck yourself first, get used to it then I'll resume." Wei Ying suggested and grinned when Lan Zhan nodded, the blush reaching his torso.

Lan Zhan pressed one end of the dildo to his own hole and pushed softly till his rim gave away and sucked the shaft will surprising ease. He choked on a cry, whimpered and pushed it deeper. "W-Wei Ying ahh...." He rubbed against it, griting his teeth when it struck his sweet spot. He let himself get used to it then nodded, his Lan forehead band loosening a bit.

Wei Ying gulped and came closer to him, till the dildo was kissing his rim, he whimpered and pressed closer till it slid in hole like it always had, like it belonged there, and yeah it did. This dildo belonged only in Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. Wei Ying moaned, eyes rolling back at the heavenly sensation filling him up.

A few minutes passed and Wei Ying rocked against it, whining, Lan Zhan, assured that they both were ready also responded with his own thrust, his mouth hanging open as drool dripped out. "Wei Ying!" Lan Zhan gasped as a particular shove made him see stars and it was as if a dam had broken that both cultivators started shoving against each other, feeding the dildo into one another's hole.

Wei Ying's eyes shut tight as he melted in the harsh thrusts and moved his hips alongside Lan Zhan's. He felt the other's legs shake and opened his eyes, the beautiful man in front of him crying and sobbing with pleasure. He could dazedly hear his own moans and whines but then he noticed Lan Zhan's loose forehead band and gasped.

"Lan Zhan..." Wei Ying stared at the forehead band about to collapse, "Lan Zhan your forehead band..." He reached out but before he could touch it, Lan Zhan snatched it off and threw it somewhere on the bed. Wei Ying cried out when Lan Zhan slammed against him, twin sobs resonating in the room.

"Fuck fuck fuck Lan Zhan!" Wei Ying screamed, "Mmmmmm!!!" Lan Zhan bit back his own, his hands playing with his nipples. Wei Ying took a hold of Lan Zhan's right hand and deepthroated his fingers exactly like how Lan Zhan had deep throated him earlier. As much as he liked to be loud, he loved his mouth full and sated, and he knew so did Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying guided Lan Zhan's mouth to his own fingers and sighed at the wet feeling. Lan Zhan released a wail when a particular thrust rammed the dildo to his sweet spot again and pinched his own nipple. Wei Ying could feel his limbs tangled with him shaking terribly and pounded both their holes at the same time.

Lan Zhan suddenly bit on fingers hard which made Wei Ying moan out in bewildered pleasure and he stared at him, stared at Lan Zhan as he snapped his head back, bucked his hips once, twice and then came, whimpering the whole time. Wei Ying had only a few seconds of time to look down at Lan Zhan's dick spurting out white strands before Lan Zhan started stroking his dick at a punishing pace.

Wei Ying spit out Lan Zhan's fingers and fell deeper in the stack of pillows and blankets behind him which changed the angle and made the dildo stick relentlessly to his sweet spot, Lan Zhan never stopped jerking him off and Wei Ying could distantly hear Lan Zhan moaning with overstimulation, 'So good taking care of me while he's oversensitive.'  Was his last thought before he wailed as his earth shattering orgasm slammed into him.

Lan Zhan whined as Wei Ying's cum hit his torso and mixed with his own. The oversensitivity was taking over so Lan Zhan stopped touching Wei Ying's dick and slid out the dildo from his hole, he shoved it a few times in his own, all the while licking off Wei Ying's cum before sliding it out of himself and falling flat onto his back and fainting.

When Lan Zhan's eyes opened, Wei Ying was lying next to him and he noticed how both of them were still dirty so Wei Ying probably woke up only to plop next to him. Lan Zhan smiled and kissed Wei Ying gently on the lips before falling right back to sleep.

Consequences will be handled later.

[apoguecalledjj]

Fixation (Chapter 6)

Series summary: Eleanor is new to the outer banks, and the pogues are quick to take her in. But so are the kooks, and as she grows closer with Rafe, trouble emerges. Trying to balance her relationship with the pogues and the kooks, as well as dealing with her own personal problems, Eleanor falls into a hole she may not be able to dig herself out of.

Chapter Word Count: 3366

Chapter Warnings: mentions of addiction and drug use

Previous Parts: Ch. 1  Ch. 2  Ch. 3 Ch. 4 Ch. 5 Ch. 6

Taglist: @prejudic3 @maragritatimebaybee @drewxxrudy @outerbankslove @bricksatanakinswindow @alexa-playafricabytoto 

Rafe made it clear that he did not want Ellie hanging out with the pogues. When he woke up the day after their argument, he started another one, yelling at her once again. She only managed to calm him down by promising him that he would stay away from them. Even though Ellie was beginning to become scared of her boyfriend after their physical altercation, she still didn’t keep her promise. Living with a crazy, drug-addicted mom had taught her a lot about sneaking around and she was putting those skills to good use. Rafe was spending a lot of time with Topper and Kelce anyway, which made it easy. She had been hanging out with the pogues a lot. To be honest, she only went to Rafe’s every couple of nights to get high and have sex. He seemed content, now and then he would accuse her of avoiding him but once the cocaine got into him it was always forgotten about. Currently, Ellie was sat on the dock by the chateau. John B and Sarah sat across from her, Kiara and JJ on either side and Pope in the hammock a couple of feet away. It was a beautiful day, but for some reason, they had decided against swimming and instead had spent the morning sitting around, drinking beer and complaining about being bored. JJ had his arm draped loosely over Ellie’s shoulders. She had expected his friendliness to change once he found out she was dating Rafe, but he never faltered. She always brushed it off, because JJ flirts with everyone, but she couldn’t pretend that she didn’t notice the way he had stopped drifting away to tourists at parties or how John B and Pope constantly teased him and asked him if he was okay. According to them, he hadn’t gone this long without getting laid or even kissing a girl in over a year. Thinking that JJ might actually be seriously flirting with her made her stomach twist in a way she tried to ignore. Ellie knew Rafe wouldn’t be impressed with the way JJ was treating her, especially since she wasn’t meant to be hanging out with him at all. Yet, she never pushed him away or asked him to stop, because secretly, she enjoyed it. “Ellie, you never did mention what brought you to the outer banks,” Pope mentioned, looking at her from where he was in the hammock. “Is Travis your mom's brother or your dad's?” JJ could feel her tense underneath his arm, and he gently squeezed her shoulder. Besides her aunt and uncle, he was still the only person on the island to know her secret, she hadn’t even told Rafe. Not that Rafe cared enough to even ask. “uh,” She mumbled, looking down and picking at the skin around her fingernails. She hated hiding things from the pogues, they were so nice and open with her, and she did feel like they deserved to know. She trusted them. But it had always been hard for her to talk about, no matter who with. Not to mention it brought her mind right back to the fact that she was falling right into her mother’s footsteps. The scariest part was she didn’t care enough to change it. Ellie was already in too deep. JJ leaned over slightly, so his lips were near her ear. “Don’t feel like you have to tell them, El.,” He assured. “They’re not pushy. They’ll understand.” Ellie nodded, but she knew it was time to finally let them know. All of her new friends were looking at her, eyes filled with a mix of curiosity and sympathy. She continued to pick at her fingers, preparing herself to possibly change her friend's opinion of her. “It’s a bit hard for me to talk about,” She started. Her brain was flicking through memories like photographs. The day her little sister was born. Birthday parties. Vacations. Her mom, healthy and happy. First days of school. Then, as the timeline continued, less of her mom. More of Ellie taking care of her sister. Her mom stumbling home late with men Ellie didn’t trust around her sister. Needles left lying around that she was left to dispose of. Getting eviction warnings. Quitting sports to get a job. She didn’t even realize she was crying until JJ reached up and gently brushed a tear away. She sniffled, quickly wiping her eyes. There was no need for them to see her cry. “It’s okay, Ellie, you don’t have to tell us. We don’t mind.” Kiara spoke softly, smiling at her gently. She shook her head, continuing to speak. “My mom is a drug addict.” It felt like a weight was left off her chest, just letting that one piece of information out. She didn’t look up, had no intentions of locking eyes with any of the pogues. She could imagine well enough how they were looking at her. “She lost her job. It got worst and worst. I was terrified we would end up homeless. I had to give up all my after school activities, I got a job and worked as much as I could. I was selfish, I know I should have told someone or asked for help, but I was terrified of getting separated from my sister. I didn’t want to lose Sadie. She’s only 9.” Ellie choked up at the mention of her sister. JJ rubbed her back slowly, trying his best to soothe her even though he understood that probably wasn’t possible. “Eventually it got too much. My grades were dropping. I almost failed my junior year. Mom was spending more time at home instead of at other houses, and she brought men with her. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving Sadie in that house. I was scared something would happen to her. “I called DCS. I fucking called DCS on my own mother,” She sobbed out. This was the most she had ever told anyone. “They came to take my sister. They had contacted her dad, a man she didn’t even know, and he decided to fight for custody. It was short, because of the situation, and he won. She went with him. I went with uncle Travis, even though I begged to stay home. I needed to take care of my mom. She needed me.” JJ pulled Ellie even closer as her body shook with the sobs overcoming her. Sarah and John B were frozen in shock, John B had suspected something had happened for her to come here that she was uncomfortable talking about, but this wasn’t what he expected. Kiara grabbed her hand, squeezing it slightly. “They promised me I’d hear from my sister. That we would stay in contact. I haven’t heard from her yet. I don’t even know who her fucking father is, cause my mom was a goddamn slut and we had different dads. Surprised she only ended up with two kids.” The anger in her voice quickly shifted back to sadness. “I don’t even know what happened to my mom,” Ellie whimpered. “She might be dead.” “They wouldn’t let anything happen to her, El,” JJ reassured her as she sobbed into his chest. “She’s getting the help she needs.” “I just wish they’d let me know,” Ellie muttered. “Uncle Travis refuses to talk about her.” Kie wrapped her arms around Ellie. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to go through that.” Sarah shifted over and joined the hug as well. “I’m sure you’ll hear from your sister soon.” Before long, Pope and John B had joined as well, and the six of them sat on the dock, huddled together in a group hug around Ellie, as her sobs slowly quieted and her body stopped shaking, comforted by her friends. --- Rafe had dragged Ellie to a party, but it wasn't on the beach like she was used to. Instead, she was at some random kook's house, music vibrating the wall and way too many unfamiliar faces. Pogues weren't welcome at these parties, Rafe told her. She wasn't stupid, she knew they stopped going to the Boneyard because her friends were there. He was dragging her here so she would be away from them. But his plan failed, because only an hour after they got there, there were shouts and whoops from the front door. The pogues were crashing the party, and Ellie had never been more glad to see some faces she knew. The party had been dull so far, and now there might be some excitement. Rafe’s eyes narrowed, glancing between his girlfriend next to him and the four pogues he noticed her staring at. It angered him, he could tell she longed to go talk to them. Her eyes were fixated on JJ specifically. God, Rafe hated that guy, hated the way Ellie seemed to be obsessed with him. That would have to be dealt with. JJ turned and finally noticed Ellie. “We should go say hi!” He said to John B, his eyes locked on the beautiful girl across the room. He didn’t notice it, but his smile grew wider. John B shook his head. “No man, are you crazy? She’s with Rafe.” JJ hadn’t noticed Rafe until John B pointed him out, standing right next to Ellie. She looked slightly uncomfortable, tense, and Rafe looked unhappy, angry even, his eyes slowly scanning the room. So JJ just waved at her instead, not being able to help himself. He saw her slight smile as she moved her hand to wave back, but Rafe grabbed her arm before she could lift it. JJ could tell he was holding Ellie too hard, he saw her wince at his grip. Rafe’s lips were moving angrily, but JJ was too far away to pick out what was being said. “John B he’s hurting her,” JJ said, turning to his best friend, but the brunet was nowhere to be seen. He glanced back at where Ellie was but the spot was now empty, the girl he cared so deeply about, and the boy who was hurting her gone. He glanced around, looking for any signs of her, but there were too many people at the party and whichever kook lived here had a huge house. Rafe’s hand grasped Ellie’s arm tightly. “Stop fucking staring at the pogues,” He sneered in her ear, quiet enough that no one could hear. “You’re here with me, alright? I don’t need my girl being seen with those fucking dirtbags.” He pulled back a bit, loosening his grip. Ellie stared at him with wide eyes, shocked that he would get so angry in public. “Come on now, baby,” He said, softer now. “Let’s go get the fun started.” He dragged her into a room just down the hallway, where multiple kooks she didn’t recognize were sat around a table covered in lines of white powder. Her body finally relaxed at the sight of the drug in front of her, she was eager to get across the room and lean down to the table. She tore away from Rafe, and before long, Ellie was bent over the table with the rest of them, a dollar bill rolled and assisting her in snorting the drug. She sighed happily, the feeling she missed and craved for finally coming back to her. All the conflict from Rafe was forgotten as he sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her, leaning down to do a line of his own. JJ quickly found his friends and a beer and tried his best to relax and enjoy himself, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Ellie had looked so upset, Rafe so angry, and he feared what the boy might do to her in a state of anger. “Guys I think we should go look for Ellie,” He mentioned to Pope and Kiara. John B and Sarah were off god knows where probably doing things no one wanted to think about. "JJ, she's with Rafe and you know how that'll end. I'm sure she's fine." Pope assured JJ. "I'm worried though, Rafe looked angry at her earlier. We don't have to talk to her, I just want to know where she is." He told the two. "Please," he added on after. "Okay fine," Kie gave in. "But just to find where she is. We are not talking to her. And don't make it obvious that we're looking for her, especially to Rafe." The three made their way around the party, squeezing around various kooks who did not seem too impressed by the pogues. They poked their head into room after room, praying that they wouldn't come across a couple having sex. Ella wasn't in the bathrooms, and she definitely wasn't still out at the party. Pope drifted down a hallway and stopped outside an open door. "Oh fuck," He muttered, leaning slightly against the wall. "Fuck. Fuck." "What? What is it?" JJ rushed over to where Pope was standing, Kiara not far behind. But Pope had no need to answer because the two could easily see what he had: Ellie sat around a table with half a dozen kooks, the surface in front of her scattered with cocaine. JJ prayed that Ellie was just there with Rafe, that she would know better than to get caught up in that, but all his prayers went out the window as he watched her grab the dollar bill from Rafe's hand and bend down. Kiara's breath hitched in her throat. "Oh, Ellie," She mumbled. We have to do something, guys." Pope said, moving towards the door. "No." JJ, of all people, held Pope back. "Look at how effortless she does it. The smile on her face. No one is pressuring her, I don't think this is her first time. If we rush in there telling her off, we just risk getting beat to shit by Rafe and his friends. We'll talk to her tomorrow after she works." Pope and Kiara nodded and turned, making their way back to the party. But JJ stayed just a minute longer, his heartbreaking as he watched Ellie fall in the steps of her mother. --- JJ didn’t wait until after work. The moment Ellie walked through the door, ready to clock into her shift, he jumped up. “Hey JJ!” She said excitedly, but her smile faltered when she noticed he didn’t match her energy. “Is something wrong?” “Yeah, somethings wrong,” JJ told her, sitting back down at the table with Pope, John B, and Sarah. Ellie scraped her brain, trying to figure out what this could be about. But she came up empty-handed, she couldn’t figure out what the pogues wanted to talk to her about. Kiara made her way out from behind the counter to the table they were sitting at. “Come on.” She motioned for Ellie to sit down with them. “Work can wait.” Kiara’s eyes looked stressed, and a quick glance at JJ and she could tell he hadn’t slept, dark bags under his eyes. Ellie pulled out a chair and sat down with them, fiddling nervously with her fingers under the table. She chewed at her lip until she tasted blood, her mind racing with possibilities of what was about to occur. “We saw you last night at the party,” Pope said softly. Ellie screwed up her face in confusion. She knew they had seen her, JJ had even waved. “After we got there,” Kiara added, sensing her confusion. “You were in a room.” Finally, everything fell together for Ellie. The pogues had seen her doing cocaine. They knew. Her breathing quickened, her hands beginning to shake slightly. They were never supposed to find out, and now here she was, five pairs of eyes staring at her with sadness, sympathy, and disappointment. She pushed back her chair harshly, standing up. “I don’t want to have this conversation.” John B, who had been sat on the left of her, grabbed her wrist softly. “Ellie, we want to help you.” He and Sarah had been filled in the night before, and even though they didn’t physically see it, they were just as shocked as the other three. “I don’t need your guys help.” Ellie took a step back. “It’s just cocaine.” “I know you’re smarter than that, Ellie. It’s not ‘just cocaine’. You have a history of addiction in your family. Do you really want to end up like your mom?” Pope asked, but that was the wrong thing to say. Ellie scoffed and turned on her heels, not wanting anything to do with the five people behind her right now. “I’m not my fucking mom.” She stormed across the room, letting the door slam on her way out. “Good job Pope!” JJ shouted before jumping up to go after her. Kiara went to get up too but JJ put out his hand, “No, stay there. I got this.” JJ found Ellie outside, leaned up against her uncle's truck. Tears were silently streaming down her face. Now that he knew about her usage, he was angry with himself for not knowing something was up sooner. Her nostrils were red and irritated, and she had lost weight in only the few weeks she had been here. Her hands were always shaking and her mood swings were quite severe, but JJ had always brushed that off as PMS. “El,” He mumbled quietly, reaching her side. “I’m not in the mood to be yelled at, JJ,” She muttered, shifting her body away from him. “I’m not gonna yell at you.” He grabbed her shoulder lightly and turned her so she was facing him. “I’m just worried about you, okay? I’m not mad.” Ellie nodded slowly, before breaking out into a sob. “I’m sorry, JJ,” She leaned her body into him, her face buried in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. “I fucked up, I know but Rafe is always doing it. I didn’t think it would hurt. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. But now I can’t stop and JJ I’m so scared because I really don't want to end up like my mom and-” JJ cut her off. “Hey, El, shhh. It’s okay. We’re gonna help you, okay? You’re not gonna end up like your mom. You’re stronger than that, okay? It’s okay,” He gently kissed the top of her head, her sobbing getting quieter and her shaking slowing. “I’m sorry, JJ,” Ellie said, pulling back to look at him. her eyes were red and puffy, she looked so sad, and nothing could have broken his heart more. He hated to see her like this. “You’ve barely known me for three weeks and this is what you have to deal with. I don’t expect you to help, JJ.” “Of course I’m going to help you.” “Why?” Ellie couldn’t figure out why anyone would want to deal with her. “Because I’m falling in love with you, El. You make me feel things, things I’ve never felt before. I care about you, so, so fucking much and seeing you hurt like this is tearing my heart apart. Seeing you get better is the only thing I want to see.” Ellie smiled softly. “You really mean all that?” JJ nodded. “I do.” Neither of them knew who leaned in first, but their lips were pressed together. It felt right, this wasn’t how Ellie felt when she kissed Rafe, this was better. JJ’s arm wrapped around her waist lightly, his other hand gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. He bit her bottom lip softly and she opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to slip in. They could have stayed like that forever, Ellie’s hand tangled in JJ’s hair as she leaned up against the truck for support. But footsteps heading towards them quickly and they pulled apart, smiling at each other for just a second. But when Ellie turned to see who was coming, the smile fell quickly. Rafe was stood, just a couple feet away, a glare on his face, aimed more at JJ than Ellie. “Ellie, you want to explain to me what the fuck is going on?”

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► ‘our songs’ audition.

date(s): 20 july 2020 mentions of: jiah, ash, andy & sooyeon (all briefly namedropped) word count: 1617 warnings: n/a details: jaewon decides to audition for ‘our songs’ and somehow, manages to already stress himself out before the show has even begun. he also covers ‘q’ by onewe (note: the original version of the song features hwasa but this stage was my main reference point for this)

it’s not that jaewon has been putting this off but that’s exactly what he has been doing. which, truly, is stupid. he’s the one that decided he wanted to sign himself up from this, it’s one of the very few things in his idol schedule that he gets to weigh in on.

unlike his own music these days.

oh right, that’s why he’s been so stressed about this. dimensions entertainment had kickstarted his 2020 with a big fuck you and the announcement that they’d be taking away his creative freedom for something that would hopefully be more… lucrative than his own work. and their strategy had been proven effective, the sheer commercial success of fiancé has been a thorn in his side, a constant mocking reminder that maybe, jaewon doesn’t know shit about making music after all.

it has also only solidified dimensions position meaning that truly, jaewon could write any creative freedom apart from the odd co-writing jobs for unity and songs he featured on goodbye.

until our songs came along.

sure, the company hasn’t said it in that many words, nowhere has jaewon actually gotten the confirmation that maybe, if he does well on this, they’ll consider letting him weigh in on his own solo work again. but hey, there surely is no harm in taking some initiative right?

-----------------------------------------

which circles right back to where jaewon is right now, in the home studio of his and soo’s apartment at some awfully late hour at night -because apparently his brain does not function during common office hours- to sit down and record this video for once and for all.

(for the 5th time this week but really, who is keeping count).

jaewon is glad he’s in a space so familiar to him as his own home, it takes away just a little bit of the stress and if he tries hard enough, he might even be able to forget just how much he has riding on this already, a pressure that for some forsaken reason he’s put on this all by himself.

he turns on the camera before leaning back into the office chair. it might look relaxed almost but anyone that knows jaewon also knows that the pen he’s twirling in his left hand is to keep the nerves at bay. luckily enough he can pass it off as a means of concentration for now.

the questions are displayed on the monitor of his computer in such way that jaewon can read them without having to make an obvious effort to lean forward. he has no answers written down but truly, he has mulled over these questions for so long by now that there is no need for that anyway. jaewon knows what he wants to say and he knows himself well enough that he can’t truly rehearse those words without sounding stiff and insincere.

“what inspires me to write songs?” he allows a brief silence to settle, a light frown on his face. “i’m not the best with words, not when i have to say them at least. i’ve always had struggles communicating, i just kinda… froze up. writing has helped a lot with that, it’s made it easier for me to put my feelings into words and to get messages across i wouldn’t have been able to get past my lips otherwise. i’ve written songs about difficult subjects in the past and hearing back from people that those resonate with them has really been keeping me motivated to keep pushing the bar further for myself, even if it’s a little hard sometimes.”

“what is my favorite song that i worked on... that’s kinda impossible to answer. i’ve been very fortunate to release quite some music already and to work with a lot of really talented artists. they’re all very different songs too so it’s hard to compare them so i don’t think there is really one ultimate favorite. if i had to name a few though-” he let his voice trail off for a second. “i collab earlier this year on we don’t talk together, i really enjoyed that song and working on that, i think it turned out well. oh and i got to feature and work on jiah-sunbaenim’s easy which has been released recently. i don’t get to take too much credit for that one though, taeyong-sunbaenim worked on that too.” his free hand moved to rest under his chin. “if i’m thinking about my solo work though i’d probably have to say am 4.44 and rebirth, both from my biorhythm album.” jaewon didn’t know if it was necessary to name what album they were from, especially since he hadn’t gotten to write a single word on love language but it would have to do for now. “i think those two are kinda a package deal for me? am 4.44 is about a pretty low point in my life, just mentally and all and rebirth is kind of the process of recovery from that.”

“songwriters i look up to? i worked with a lot of people and they all brought their own strengths to the table, all of those experiences have been very useful and incredibly pleasant.” he nods absent-mindedly. “i’d say i look up andy-sunbaenim, i got to work with him twice, on both bermuda triangle and on his latest album, i really like his style, i feel like it’s a bit different from my own but i do think they go well together. i also admire sooyeon from wish a lot, she’s very talented at a very young age. she balances both wish’ style and her own very well i think, i have a lot of respect for that.”

“my goals as a songwriter? i think to continue to grow till i can hold my ground by myself amongst other songwriters. i’ve learned a lot from all the people i already worked like i said before but i don’t think i’m near their level yet. i want to reach the point where i can continuously put out high-quality songs for other artists. like, i know my own sound and songs that work well for me but i think the real skill is being able to write well for someone other people. i want to be able to do that someday.”

“what do i hope to achieve by participating on this show?” to tell dimensions to go fuck themselves, jaewon thinks bitterly. but he can’t say that, not now he’s supposed to be all camera friendly. “i want to prove myself. towards other people on the one hand of course, you know, get my name out there and show everything i’ve learned up until this point, show that i know what i’m doing.” and yes, of course, other people in this case could just as easily be replaced with dimensions entertainment but there was no hard evidence for that. not like anyone was aware of jaewon challenging his label, not even dimensions itself. “but also to prove myself towards me. i’ve been writing for a while now, mostly when i felt like it or when i had an idea stuck in my head. i want to push those boundaries, to write specific themes within specific timeframes instead of just on a whim. i think that’s an important step i have to take for myself.” jaewon nods firmly. if he didn’t know himself so well he could believe it looks confident even.

-----------------------------------------

after he pauses the recording, the first thing jaewon does is roll his shoulders and let out a deep sigh. he’s definitely not an interview person he can’t help but think to himself, at least the worst part is over now.he takes a sip from the water bottle on his desk, letting his eyes fall shut for a second as he leans against his seat. just a brief moment of recovery before he forces himself back into action.

the interview might have been the worst part but he still has a cover to record.

first he gets up to retrieve the electric guitar they keep in their home studio, getting it plugged in and getting the microphone all set up, before pulling up the audio file from his desktop and hitting record on his camera.

there are some changes to the original song. after all, onewe is a band and q is not a rap song but jaewon toyed around with audio some, emphasizing on electronics of the backing track rather than the instruments. he has taken some liberties on expanding on the rap parts in the verses and together with the monotone, repetitive chorus it makes it sound so much more like a laidback hiphop song rather than the band song it was before.

another big change is made to the bridge. jaewon has taken out the vocals at the beginning of the instead opting to extend the guitar solo that follows. which is where the electric guitar on his lap comes in. admittedly, it’s a risky choice because while jaewon doesn’t have to worry about hitting notes he can’t reach, he also isn’t as gifted of a guitar player as he pretends to be.  it works though, maybe it’s because he’s been practicing this particular riff until he could barely move his fingers and he has to admit, it sounds pretty good.

he finishes recording, switching the camera off nearly immediately after and then spends another hour rewatching both videos -the interview and the song cover- fixated on finding a fatal flaw, any reason to tank this whole idea and just not send in his audition for the show.

he doesn’t find it.

so instead he sends it in before finally calling it a night.

 here goes nothing.

[justanoutlawfic]

I’ll Be There For You: 2/2

Summary:  Based on "The One With The Baby" from Friends. Robin is waiting for the birth of his godson when he somehow ends up assisting a stranger with her own labor.

Here's part two, for day 5 of @oqmovieweek.

Also on AO3

There were days that Regina wondered if she made a mistake by giving Henry the middle name Daniel. They had only just gotten back together the day of his birth and it was a choice made out of pure emotions. She had figured it was a compromise, as she was too skittish to give him Daniel’s last name. This way, Henry would always have a piece of his father, even if her and Daniel didn’t work out.

 By the time Henry turned 2, Regina was glad she did. A riding accident had placed Daniel in a coma 6 months prior and eventually, his family made the choice to pull the plug. There was no brain activity, no signs of him coming back. It was a choice that Regina supported, but it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt any less.

 She spent the next year in mourning, kicking herself for all the lost time. If she had answered his calls earlier on in the pregnancy, if she hadn’t let Cora get in her head. There were so many what-ifs and so few answers to what they would’ve been like. Now, there was no future for the three of them. The day Henry was born, she felt like she gained two family members. After the accident, she lost one.

 Eventually, Regina began seeing a therapist. He helped her realize that there was no sense in wondering what could’ve been. She couldn’t change the past, she could only shape her and Henry’s futures. That included being the best mom she possibly could and that meant making herself happy too. After all, Henry would pick up if his own mother wasn’t happy.

 Regina began to reinvent her life after that. She quit her mother’s company and struck out on her own, getting a job with an old friend that she hadn’t spoken to in ages. Regina realized she was so much happier working for Mal, in an industry that focused on helping others instead of simply fashion. She did more spontaneous things with Henry, finding herself enjoying his childhood. There were trips to Coney Island and driving to the country side in the fall to see the leaves change.

 One of Regina’s favorite traditions was something much simpler. Every Saturday morning, they’d head to Central Park. The two would ignore the tourists and play until lunchtime. Sometimes they’d pack picnics, on special occasions, they’d get hot dogs from the street vendor. These were the moments Regina wanted to remember when Henry was in his teens and hating the world. She wanted to be able to think of the smile on his face, mustard surrounding it after taking a big bite as he talked about all the fun they had in the park together.

 The Saturday following his 5th birthday, they followed through and went to the park. As Henry got older, he tended to drift towards the Diana Ross playground and mess around with other kids. That day was no exception, so Regina settled onto a bench, watching him play. It didn’t take long for him to find a friend around his age. The other boy had curly brown hair and obvious dimples, even from far away. Henry pulled out identical wooden swords from his backpack and offered one to his new friend, who graciously accepted. The two began running around, beaming from ear to ear.

 “I swear, Roland would make friends on Mars,” the man beside Regina piped up and she only just realized he was there.

Regina didn’t look away at first, her eyes fixated on her son. “It gives me hope for when Henry starts kindergarten next week,” she admitted.

“I think it’s a hell of a lot easier at that age, especially for boys. So little drama.”

 Regina laughed and looked up at the mystery man, only to realize he was no stranger at all. She locked eyes with the man she hadn’t seen in 5 years, she hadn’t thought about him past the initial day Henry was born.

 Robin.

 “Oh my God,” she whispered. “It can’t be.”

Robin tilted his head and then it seemed to click in his eyes. “Regina?”

“Robin.”

A smile spread across his face and she could feel it happening to herself.  She didn’t know what to say, until the first thought came to mind. “You never came back.”

Robin’s face turned puzzled for a moment and then realization washed over it. “I did, but when I walked up to the room, your boyfriend was there.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I left balloons and flowers.”

“So those were from you.” Regina felt her smile growing. “I can’t believe after all these years…”

“Who would’ve thought?”

“Is that your son?” She asked, nodding over to Roland.

“No, my godson, actually. He was the baby being born that day…”

“Your ex-wife,” Regina remembered, nodding. “How are she and her new wife doing?”

“Pretty good, crazed with the 5-year-old, so I offered to take him off their hands today.”

“Well, aren’t you godfather of the year?”

Robin chuckled. “And how is your boyfriend? Daniel, I think I remember his name was.”

Regina paused, feeling her smile lessen a bit. “He passed away, three years ago.”

“Oh, Regina, I’m…”

“It’s fine,” she waved him off. “It took me time, but I’ve adjusted to it. Both me and Henry have.”

“I’m glad he showed up that day, regardless of how little time you had with him.”

Regina looked back at Henry, before returning her gaze to Robin. “Me too. You know, if it wasn’t for you that day, I probably wouldn’t have.”

“Me?”

“My entire pregnancy, I had my mom in my ear. She convinced me I was better off doing it alone, but having you there, hearing your side of things…you’re the reason I asked the hospital to call Daniel that day.”

Robin nodded, smirking a bit. “Well, I’m glad I was right.”

Regina rolled her eyes. “About Daniel. Your team choice still sucks,”

“Oh hush. They won that day, if I recall.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

 Regina pushed her hair behind her ears and felt Robin’s eyes still on her.

 “You cut your hair,” he mused. “It was longer that day.”

“Oh yeah, did it around the time Henry started grabbing onto things. I’d rather him not use it as a pull toy.”

Robin chuckled. “I feel you. My cross was Roland’s favorite toy for months when he was a baby.”

“What have you been up to in the past five years?”

“Nothing spectacular, really. Finally got the guts to open my own gym.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, we’re in the second year, so I’m not holding out hope, but we’ll see. What about you?”

“My life is basically Henry and work these days, trying to find a healthy balance of both.”

“As any good mother would.”

 The two sat there for the next few hours, catching up as they watched the boys play. Eventually, Henry and Roland came over, complaining of hunger pains so they took the boys to a nearby diner where they would have more of an excuse to talk. Roland and Henry were oblivious to the grownups as they ate their chicken fingers and talked about superheroes. Regina hadn’t even realized how much time had passed until Robin got a text from Marian and Mulan.

 “Uh oh, bud. Afraid your moms want you home,” he said.

Roland groaned. “Do we have to go?”

“Yes, we do. But from what Regina and I figured out, you and Henry will be going to the same school starting next week.”

 That clearly cheered the boys up enough. They walked outside and Robin hailed a cab, putting Roland in it. He turned to Regina, holding out a business card.

 “I’d rather not have to wait another 5 years before seeing you again.”

Regina grinned, accepting it from him. “Yeah…something tells me I don’t either.”

 After all, these things don’t just happen.

[findlily-campaign]

Day 236 Of Trying to Get Lily to Acknowledge My Presence

Captain’s Log 41.8986° N, 12.4769° E

It’s been a long, hard journey of keeping up my tomfoolery in the hopes of pestering my best friend into paying attention to me.  Despite my seemingly endless reserves of annoyance-inducing, incomprehensible drivel and my abounding drive to do slightly bizarre things to see if I’ve finally found and pulled the perfect ethereal Jenga block that makes reality collapse inwards, I feel my will beginning to wane. 

We’re running out of food. We’re running out of water. All of my notebooks... inedible. My crew and I have run aground. Physically, philosophically, metaphysically, spiritually, and (in Old Tim’s case) sexually.   We brought the old dog out to sea to help him curb his urges and hopefully bring some sanity to his mind, but alas. You can take the man out of geology, but you can’t take geology out of the man. We’re just glad we’ve been able to restrain him to keep him from running off and jumping dick-first into Mt. Vesuvius to make sweet (painful) love to her molten core. Difficult times for all.

I find that I’m increasingly unable to achieve a balance of inserting buffoonery into Lily’s scope of awareness and leaving silence in my wake. I am, in many ways, unmoored. So little has worked. Has any of it ever worked?  In such an uncertain time, and morale being so low, I find myself fixated on notions of balance, of presence, and lack thereof. 

Has my constant, increased pestering become akin to the hum of a refrigerator? The novelty of my nonsense worn away into expectancy and pastime through its repetition? 

It shakes me wholly.  

Lightheartedly, many speak a phrase of reassurance and (as it seems to me) an observation of the fickleness of humans: “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. In these past few days of hardship, as tides turned and starry skies dissolved into inky black night and tumultuous black sea, I’ve contemplated that phrase greatly. Though I am not often physically present, I feel that my pestering now (unlike my former conduct) has left no room for silence in my absence. And though I’d like to dismiss it, part of my addled brain speaks a dark prickling dread that I am not missed, for I have left a twisted visage of myself there, standing in the empty space where I once was. 

Am I being foolish? I feel that I have made myself a fool. When setting out upon this journey (and the many more like it) I’d welcome that classification -you’d have to be at least a little “foolish” to do what I’ve wanted to achieve, “mad” even- but sitting listlessly on land, seeing that I’ve provided nothing of what I’ve aimed to along the way of a journey that never ends, I feel truly, well and deeply, a fool.

Is it like I’m there? I am not. Am I a ghost, though I am not dead? Will my return -if I return- having had words that lack my face fill my space for so long, cause me to have to live up to a version of myself I cannot surpass? Will I exist in a limbo of not being unappreciated, but going unacknowledged? Will I become something somewhat expected to be there, but not anticipated? Not taken for granted, but not missed when nothing from me trickles in?

I feel my mind slipping in the worst of ways. I’m used to insanity, just never married to such private misery.  

The crew is resting. I should follow suit. I’ll check in on Old Tim one last time before going to sleep. Tomorrow we’ll make the lengthy trek to get more provisions. 

When I wake, I’ll do my best not to contemplate this any further, and hope that tomfoolery alone will be enough to help me last just one more day. 

[haechan-haedamn]

Cardiac Arrest - Taeyong

*You were on your way to visit your cousin for Christmas break when a truck slammed into your driver door. He was an emergency responder, you had lost your filter in the crash, and no one told you that it wasn’t right to flirt with the E.M.T. currently saving your life.

Characters: Taeyong, Reader

Pairing: Taeyong/Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2.2K

You weren’t sure how it happened.

There had been only a second of comprehension before the truck had slid into the driver's side of your Buick, crushing the door with its grate like metal claws, chewing and spitting you out in a red haze. You were still humming to Wouldn’t It Be Nice by the Beach Boys when you heard the sirens, your brain not catching up to the fact that your radio wasn't playing anymore (it was pushed to the left side of the car like an old candy wrapper) and that you were soaked through your back with something sticky and red. You weren’t sure what that was.

You had been driving to your cousin's to visit with family, and you remembered that you had been upset that morning for… why where you upset that morning? You didn't remember.

Your back hurts. And your tongue felt dry.

You decided to try and do something about the second problem, vaguely realizing the snow drifting on the frozen tarmac around you. You stuck out your tongue, letting it loll on your chin like a dog hopped on pain killers and too much kibble. You let a few snowflakes fall into your mouth, feeling them melt and slide, but you eventually pulled back disappointed. They tasted metallic, and the flavor was becoming a permanent fixation in your tonsils and gums. It was a heated flavor, exuding a dribble of liquid around your mouth as you stared to the sky. It was strange though, because why was something flowing in your mouth if your mouth was closed?

You didn’t think much about it.

It was strange to see snow from this angle. You thought about that. You also thought for a moment that it was funny you weren’t cold because if it was snowing then you should be cold.

You weren’t wearing many layers.

How long had you been out there?

You gave up on your inquiries eventually, settling that you were where you were until you weren’t and only then would you care. You didn’t really feel like moving. You also weren’t sure that you could.

It could have been seconds or even hours before you saw somebody, and you really weren’t sure if it was somebody or something. You would bet money on the second, if you were being honest with yourself, because what you say was too perfect to be human. Too beautiful to be mortal.

You thought briefly that you might be dead.

For some reason, you weren’t truly bothered.

The man was leant over you, his large, dark eyes pouring concern across your damaged frame as he fumbled with your hat- he was trying to remove it without moving you, so he could check for a busted and broken skull. You stared at him, wondering why this stranger (as repulsively gorgeous a he was) was trying to mess with your clothes.

You hadn’t tried speaking yet, but you hadn’t had a reason to.

One of your eyes started stinging. You closed it, ignoring the cool contrast as you felt a liquid pool into your eye socket.

“I'm not sure what’s going on,” you started, glad that your voice box was working as compared to the fact that you couldn’t feel your right leg very well, “but most guys try to take my clothes off after the date.”

He looked startled to you at the sound of your voice, his lines all sharp and jutting. He furrowed his eyebrows at your sentence, opening and closing his mouth as he worked his hand along your body (checking for injuries). Then he grinned, and you felt nothing but syrup pouring into your hands at the softness of it. It felt sticky… or was that something else?

“I don’t think we have time for dinner right now, ma'am,” his low, throaty voice replied. You swear you would’ve swooned if you weren’t so dizzy. Why were you so dizzy?

“Did you really just call me ma'am?” you asked, ignoring the drifting nausea like a passing wave.

He seemed flustered, but his hands were still and steady on your leg- then the feeling went away. (He was busy staring at the protruding white stick out of your calf muscle). He looked back towards you as he waved more guys over, they came from someplace with smoke. You wondered if there was a fire.

The man above you didn’t look like a fireman. He had soft brown hair and a dancer's body, two things you typically didn’t associate with your local volunteer firemen. You peered closer at him, catching a pair of words on the pocket of his shirt, stitched in orange detail.

You strained your one-eyed blurry vision as far as it could go, making out the bold letters E.M.T. You laughed a bit at that, because why would doctors bother you for lying on the pavement?

“Alright,” the pretty E.M.T. guy grunted, his hand rising to wave to other people.

It wasn’t as warm anymore. Your back was sore in a few spots, though.

“Okay, ma���am,” the man started again and you couldn’t help but laugh as his formality, “We are going to lift you onto this gurney, please try not to move.”

“I wouldn’t move away from you if I was asked,” you giggled, feeling pairs of hands grasp onto your body in various places as they prepared to lift you. The man’s face went as pink as the snow around you, his eyes flicking down and up in a nervous dance.

You weren’t exactly sure where your filter had run off to, but by his expression you weren’t sure if you minded that it was gone. He was cute. Your back was really hurting, now.

“Can you give me a name, ma’am?” the man asked as you felt yourself being pushed towards flashing lights. They were a pretty red, even if they danced in a blurred line like bass waves as you tried to look at them.

“Can I give you my number, sir?” you flirted, trying your best to wink through your pained delusion.

“Okay,” the man sighed, now climbing into the vehicle they had put you in, coming to crouch beside you, “As flattered as I am right now, you were just in a car accident, and I need you to be serious, miss.”

“Oh…” you trailed off. So that’s what happened? Where was your car?

“Was it bad?” you asked the emergency responder, your voice changing from a flirtatious loudness to a quiet shock. His harsh brown gaze faded into a softness you weren’t familiar with, his lips smiling sadly.

“It’s not good.”

“Ah…” you couldn’t seem to form words, your head’s pounding fogging your articulation process.

“Yeah, but we’re taking you to a hospital right now,” the man tried to bring hope into your stuttering heart, his hands fidgeting with a morphine drip, “so you’ll be all fixed up in no time.”

A thought suddenly struck you. “How’s my hair?”

“Your what?”-he asked, dumfounded.

“My hair.”

“What about it?”

“How does it look, right now?” you reiterated, and if you didn’t feel like a thousand bees were buzzing behind your eyelids- you would’ve rolled your eyes.

The man furrowed his eyebrows together, construing the sharp lines of his face. “Why does that matter, right now?”

“Because I am sincerely trying to flirt with you and it usually works better if my hair doesn’t look bad,” you deadpanned, trying to convey the message through your eyes, but your words were slurred and your pain was making you squint.

“I mean,” he began, his eyes scrutinizing your hair with a seriousness you hadn’t expected, “it’s pretty matted because of the blood, and your curls are kind of falling out because the moisture of the snow, but your face makes up for it.”

“Was that a compliment?” you gasped (which you immediately regretted because you were sure you just lost a part of your skull from the jolt it sent through you).

“I can flirt, too,” he retorted, “I’m not completely unable to catch onto these kinds of cues, you know.”

“Really?” you said, “because five minutes ago I would disagree.”

“I was trying to be professional.”

“Professionals aren’t usually this pretty,” you replied, “so I think you already failed at that end.”

He laughed- his mouth open and grinning widely, and it took all your willpower to not join in out of the risk of dislocating your brain to your spine (or feeling like it). You settled for a small smile in return, your hands fisting into the sheets of the raised gurney you were lying in. The sheets were a little damp. You hands were still so very red.

“Will you give me your name now?” he prompted, his pen still resting in his hand as he balanced a clipboard on his thigh.

“Depends,” you quipped, “will you give me your number now?”

“If I give you my number,” he thought aloud, “then that means you will 100% give me your name, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Then it’s a deal, Ms…”

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you answered, glad you were getting something out of this situation.

A very pretty something.

A pang of electricity shot through your right leg, causing you to grimace slightly. A needle was in your arm, but you couldn’t remember how it got there.

“What exactly are you going to do with my number, Y/N?” the man asked.

“Probably ask you out to dinner,” you said, “but seeing as I don’t think I’ll be able to get reservations somewhere nice at the moment, I hope you don’t mind hospital food.”

“Not the slightest,” he smiled softly again before the car jolted to a stop.

You didn’t remember much after that. A large building that you were quickly pushed towards, more flashing lights, more beeping tools. Sharp knives, the masked faces of rich men, the muttering of the words “blood transfusion” and “she might not make it”. You didn’t think too much about either of those.

You think you might have forgotten to feed your dog that morning. You think that you never really hated hospital food. You think that you never got that man’s name or number. You hope he thinks about your name.

You wake up in a stark white room some indefinable time later with bandages tightly wrapped around your stomach and back, a cast pushed into your right calf and the man sitting in a chair next to your bed. He looked thoughtful here; no more panic flung around the pupils of his eyes, instead a complacent murmur of privacy slipping into his smile when he looked at you, awake.

“I’m Taeyong,” he told you, his lithe fingers playing with the edge of the sheet. You grinned, happy to put a face to a name. When-

“You didn’t give me your number,” you pouted, suddenly remembering that he had taken your name without the fair exchange.

He laughed, lines forming around his eyes as they curved upwards. “You didn’t forget.”

“Why would I forget that an extremely attractive male promised me his number?” you retorted, “I would more easily forget my own birthday.”

Taeyong hummed, his hand running through his dark hair as he settled farther into his chair, pulling back away from your sheets. He seemed tired, the bags of his eyes a light purple- the brightness of his skin now mellowed and easy. He gazed at you carefully for a moment, his black eyes burning into your sickly skin.

“Your hair looks pretty, now,” he pointed towards your head.

“Really?”

“I think your cousin came in and did it for you,” he said off-handedly, changing the subject completely from his elusive phone number. You let it slide for the moment.

Your hand reached up to your head slowly, feeling the smooth curves of careful braids as you moved your fingers against your head and down until you had no more hair between your hands. You smiled- of course she did.

“Does that mean the flirting is working this time?” you asked hopefully, folding your hands into your lap as you quirked a brow at him.

Taeyong nodded gently. “I was serious when I told you I didn’t mind hospital food.”

“Great,” you laughed, “Because I’m starving.”

You ate together as the snow piled up outside, his hand resting beside your legs as he pushed his chair right next to your bed. The room was empty except your laughter, and you were warm- the sting of the cuts in your back didn’t hurt as much when you talked. The fluorescent lights didn’t seem as intrusive when he threw his head back at one of your sarcastic comments, the shadows of his dark hair flicking upwards. You were content, wrapped in the nightlights of the city around you.

Taeyong’s phone number was saved in your cell within the hour next to a tiny smiley face (he had added it afterwards, a prideful grin on his face when he handed your phone back to you- your hands brushing together slowly).

You were glad the doctors were wrong. Besides, the pain that was sure to climb up your back in the next months after your discharge felt strangely worth the price of Taeyong’s gentle smile and cold hands.

FIN.

[my-one-love-is-music]

Forget Me Not Ch. 18

Happy update time!! I struggled a bit with how to start this chapter, but I was happy with where it ended up going.

If you want a better idea of when I update or some peeks into the content of new chapters, you can follow or check-in on my new twitter account: https://twitter.com/m_o_l_i_m

Cheers!

Also on AO3!

Keith rubbed his eyes and stared up at the ceiling, exhausted despite having gotten a full night’s sleep. He was really hoping that after everything and the talk that he had with Shiro that it would put him at ease somewhat and he’d have less to worry about. It seemed to have done the exact opposite and he was left thinking about him more than ever. Last night his dreams had been filled with everything that they’d done together since Shiro had come crashing back to Earth. It was like some sick nightmare, replaying everything that had already happened between them, but not letting him have any context.

And then his mind had decided to fixate on the kiss that Shiro had given him after he woke up. He pushed himself into a sitting position and tried to shove the thoughts from his brain. He didn’t need to think about that. They were friends and he couldn’t latch onto a relationship that he had no emotional basis for. It wasn’t fair to him and it wasn’t fair to Shiro.

He fought off his lingering drowsiness rather quickly once he was out of the warm embrace of his bed and pulled on his uniform. He was thankful that Allura had opted out of the wake-up call that she’d given them the day before, but he wasn’t about to take any more chances if she did decide to suddenly force them into their lions for some sort of training deal. Running back to his room and stressing over getting ready was not how he wanted to spend his morning.

He walked out into the hallway, fighting the irritation that was hanging around from his lack of sleep and focused on making his way to the dining hall. He didn’t run into anyone else on his way there, but found that Hunk, Pidge, and Shiro were all seated at the table by the time he arrived. He was glad that he wasn’t the last person to show up at least.

“Morning, Keith!” Pidge said, bright-eyed and grin already pulling her mouth wide.

“Ugh, how are you this awake right now?” he mock-complained as he sat down heavily in his chair.

“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” she asked.

“Sort of. Just didn’t get the best night’s sleep last night.”

“Really? Is something bothering you?” Shiro asked, eyebrows drawing together in concern.

Keith felt his irritation rear its head slightly before he could tamp it down. He had to remind himself that Shiro hadn’t done anything wrong and that it wasn’t his fault that he’d filled his dreams the night before. He shook his head. “Nothing more than usual, really. I just had trouble getting to sleep. I’m sure tonight will be better.”

Shiro opened his mouth to say something else, but nodded instead. “We’ll get in a full day of training and wear us all out so that we can all collapse into bed tonight and get some good rest.”

“Good morning, Paladins!” Coran said, backing his way through the door that led to the kitchen. “Now in order to make sure that you have a successful day of training, I’ve put together a nutritious breakfast of goo for all of you. Eat up now, because I’ve got a special surprise coming for lunch.” He set down several bowls of different colored goo and stepped back as everyone eagerly loaded up their plates.

By the time the group had gotten halfway through their breakfast, Lance walked through the door and took a seat next to Hunk.

“I can’t believe you guys started eating without me,” he grumbled and filled his own plate.

“You should’ve gotten up earlier,” Keith shot back, in between bites.

“I need my beauty sleep!”

“No, what you need is a morning skin care routine that doesn’t take you an hour,” Pidge added with a snort.

Keith chuckled and held out his fist that she easily bumped with her own. “Nice one.”

Lance looked at Pidge with the uttermost look of betrayal. “I thought we were friends, Pidge.”

Hunk rolled his eyes at his two friends and lifted Lance’s spoon in order to shove it into his mouth. Lance still looked heartbroken, but dutifully ate his food goo along with everyone else.

Allura walked into the dining hall just as they were finishing up breakfast. “I’m glad that you’re all here. I’ve got a special Voltron workout for all of you this morning. It should be a great way for all of you practice working together as one with the finesse that piloting the robot requires. I’m going to keep working on repairs to the Castle and from the looks of things we should be able to leave soon and return to space. For now, I just ask for your patience and that you occupy yourselves with getting stronger and preparing yourselves to defend the universe.”

“Of course, Princess,” Shiro said, pushing his chair back. “We’ll get to work right away.”

The rest of the Paladins followed quickly, grabbing their helmets and hurrying from the room in the direction the bays were located. They broke apart as one and Keith quickly made his way to where Red was waiting for him. He wasn’t the first person to make it outside of the Castle, that honor went to Shiro, but he made it out before everyone else. Keith slowly let his lion come to a rest next to Shiro’s and watched as Lance, then Pidge, and finally Hunk made their way out of the Castle to join them.

“Now that we’re all here, let’s form Voltron!” Shiro said before bounding off.

Keith and the other Paladins fell into formation behind him for a handful of seconds before they were all taking to the sky, transitioning seamlessly into the giant robot that they were gradually becoming more comfortable with. They landed easily, finding no difficulty in their balance thanks to Lance and Hunk.

“Okay team, let’s work on going through some basic movements such as running and throwing punches that we’d aim at ship or opponent.”

“What kind of opponents do you think we’re going to have?!” Hunk asked, alarmed.

“We need to be prepared for anything,” Keith broke in. “You never know what they could send against us now that they know that Voltron is back.”

Hunk mumbled something about not signing up for this or expecting to fight scary purple monsters, but his comments went unacknowledged by the rest of the Paladins as they moved forward across the large planes that were surrounding the Castle. They headed towards one of the fallen ships from the battle that they’d had two days ago, doing their best to make quick turns and maneuvers that might mimic the path of any enemy fire that they’d experience during a battle.

“I’m going to try and kick that ship,” Lance interjected over the comms.

“When are we ever going to need to kick someone?” Pidge asked.

“Keith said that we need to be prepared for anything. This is called being prepared for any situation where we might need to kick someone.”

“Wait, we don’t know how that’s going to affect-“ Before Shiro could finish his sentence, Lance was already pulling his robot backwards and letting loose a kick at the ship. He made contact easily and sent the ship flying, but the movement caused them to overbalance and they fell heavily to the ground.

“Nice going, Lance,” Keith huffed, his irritation rising again.

“It looks like we need a little more work on balance before we can do anything like that,” Shiro said, gently, trying to diffuse any rising tension. “Let’s just get back up and continue through the workout. If we make enough progress we might be able to try that again later.”

Getting Voltron back on its feet went a lot smoother than they all thought it would. They could at least pick themselves up after being knocked over which would come in handy with any opponent that they could be faced with in the future. As they worked together, they found that they needed to communicate less on a verbal level, finally feeling the movements of each other’s lions and what to do in order to make themselves more effective. But just because it got smoother, didn’t mean that it wasn’t just as mentally draining.

Keith was exhausted by the time they made it back to the Castle for lunch. He was on the verge of a headache and really wished that Lance would stop talking. He sat down heavily at the table and was only barely aware of the absence of Pidge and when Shiro, Hunk, and Coran left to go off who knows where.

“Hey, can I talk to you a minute?” Lance asked quietly.

Keith blinked and turned his head, surprised to find Lance seated next to him. He shrugged and propped his cheek against his fist.

“I know that you don’t remember much about your relationship with Shiro or your life…”

Keith immediately tensed. This was not something that he was wanting to talk about. Every time he turned around he felt like he was trying to figure himself out or talking to someone else about what was going on with him or being questioned about how much he actually remembered. He really wanted a break from all of this.

“And you’re probably tired of talking about this all the time, but I just want you to know that you and Shiro were two of the most well-known pilots at the Garrison. None of us were really surprised when the two of you were given the task of piloting the Kerberos mission. Everyone wanted to get to your level so when the mission went missing we honestly had no idea what happened.

“I know that I was a little weird when you came back and Shiro had just woken up because I didn’t know what had happened between the two of you and found it hard to believe that you could’ve broken up since you cared so much for each other.”

Keith opened his mouth to make some sort of retort, but Lance continued on, choosing to either ignore him or just didn’t notice his intention to speak.

“I know that you’re probably working through a lot of things right now and I’m sure getting over this amnesia isn’t going to be easy by any means, but me, Pidge, and Hunk are here to help. We might not be able to solve your problem or anything, but we can still listen if you want to talk or whatever…” Lance trailed off, obviously embarrassed that he’d revealed so much personal information.

The irritation that Keith had been fighting since that morning quickly dissipated. This wasn’t the way he thought the conversation was going to go when Lance had first proposed the topic. A feeling of disbelief and confusion replaced everything else. He wondered how everything that had happened so far would’ve gone if he had remembered who he was and wasn’t suffering from amnesia. Would he have just as easily fallen back into a routine with Shiro? Would he know who Lance is and would they be friends? The never ending questions continued to build, but he supposed he wasn’t as alone in this as he’d come to believe.

His conversation with Shiro the night before was proof enough of that.

“Thanks, Lance. I-“

“Alright, boys! Time for some lunch!” Hunk said, pushing through the door from the kitchen with a set of bowls filled with food in his hands.

Lance looked back at him and he just shook his head, offering a small smile to let him know that everything was fine. They quickly dug into the food that Hunk had prepared, but were soon enough distracted by an alarm. Allura led them from the Castle quickly to confront the Arusian that had approached the Castle.

Keith was becoming less and less surprised by how quickly peaceful interactions and calm days could turn to battle and fighting. He suspected that this was soon going to be the norm: facing the Galra at every turn and working against whatever they chose to send to test them or poke fun. They still had a lot of work to do themselves in order to perfect their fighting style, but today was definitely a sign of progress.

He was more than happy to pull off his uniform at the end of the day and put on something more comfortable. The fight with the gladiator had been intense and he had been worried that they wouldn’t be able to beat it, but Shiro had helped them figure it out.

As he walked through the Castle halls, he thought about those few moments where Shiro hadn’t said anything. He’d honestly been a little bit terrified that they wouldn’t know what to do or that Shiro had frozen like he had the day before. But he’d come through for all of them and they’d won. They were one battle closer to defeating the Galra and liberating the universe from their hold.

Without realizing it, he found himself near the observation deck where he’d met Shiro the night before. He turned to leave and head back to where he thought he’d been headed, which was his room, but he caught sight of Shiro leaning against one of the windows and looking out over the land in front of them. Keith stepped forward hesitantly.

“Shiro?” he asked.

Shiro looked over at him and Keith could see the exhaustion around his eyes. He straightened and looked like he was trying to hide the tiredness that he felt, but failed. “Keith. What’s up?” he asked.

“Are you…is everything okay?”

His smile was strained and he uncrossed his arms, looking back out the window. “Just tired. Today was a stressful day with the fight with the Gladiator and I wasn’t expecting the memories that I’d get back.”

Keith walked over to him. “That’s right, you remembered how to fight that thing. And you still doing okay? You look more than just a little tired.”

He smiled wistfully. “I forgot how easy it is for you to read me and tell when something’s wrong. I’m just wondering what else is missing. I’ve got this one piece of information about my captivity, but what else is there to it? Some of the knowledge that I don’t have could come in pretty handy, but I don’t know what that is.” He chuckled half-heartedly. “I know this must be rich coming from me. I just got a handful of my memories back and you still haven’t made any progress.”

Keith fought to hold back a smile at the statement and started to chuckle. He tried to suppress it because there really wasn’t anything truly funny about the situation, but his body wouldn’t cooperate and soon enough he was clutching at his sides as full-belly laughs wracked his body. Shiro just watched him, eyebrow raised, but with a smile pulling at his lips regardless.

“You’re right. This whole thing is so ridiculous.” He reached up to wipe a tear from his eye. “It’s really not that funny, but the fact that I’m comforting you after you’ve just gotten some of your memories back. This would be the kind of thing to happen to us.”

As Keith forced out his explanation between sucking in breaths, Shiro began to laugh himself, easily finding the humor in their situation as much as Keith did. Their laughter died down slowly, diminishing into short chuckles before they were both just huffing out air.

Shiro leaned back against the window, smiling lazily, and gaze trained up at the ceiling. “Thanks, Keith. I needed that.”

“Me, too. God, we should tell everyone else about this,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Pidge would love to get a load of our great revelation.”

“I’m pretty sure Pidge is far more concerned with working through the logs that she retrieved from the Galra ship today.”

Keith froze and it took a minute before Shiro realized what he’d said that would cause such a reaction.

“That is-I-uh-I mean-“ he backpedaled quickly.

“How long have you known?” Keith asked.

“I-what?”

“How long have you known? About Pidge?”

“Just today when I got some of my memories back. Wait-how do you know?” he asked, pointing a finger at Keith, dumbly.

“Oh, well-that’s,” he sighed, shoulders slumping. “I guess I have no choice but to come clean now, huh?”

“That would be easiest,” Shiro agreed, nodding.

“Well, I met Pidge shortly after I arrived back on Earth. She was still going by Katie then, but that’s not really the point. She came to me looking for answers as to why I was back, but her family was still missing, thinking that I actually knew what the hell happened. From there, we sort of started working together on looking into the Kerberos mission. She’d gotten banned from the Garrison so she snuck in under the guise of Pidge and well, here we are.”

Shiro nodded. “That makes sense actually. Pidge really isn’t the type of person to just sit back and do nothing when something doesn’t make sense. I’m glad the two of you had each other though. When we first all got shot into space you did seem like you became really fast friends.”

Keith shrugged. “She saved my ass when the Garrison was on it after I returned. If it hadn’t been for her and her technical knowledge, whoever ransacked my house would’ve found all of my research which would have been more than enough of a reason for them to arrest me.”

“They ransacked your house?!” Shiro asked, grabbing his shoulders.

He nodded, doing his best to ignore the touch and how much he liked it. How good it made him feel that Shiro cared so much as to give such a reaction. “Yeah. They were not very happy with me being back on Earth. I wasn’t able to put it all together, but the Garrison had been involved in something big. I just don’t know exactly what that was.”

Shiro let go of Keith and stepped back. “This is insane. And here I thought getting captured by the Galra was the most out of the ordinary thing that I’d be exposed to in my life.”

“Yeah.”

“Can you tell me more about what you found?” he asked.

“Uh…sure. Come on, let’s go sit down and talk,” Keith said, turning away from the windows as Shiro fell into step beside him.