#I’m getting that first hand experience

[sad-emo-dip-dye]

Every time that chuuya hate page spams my notes I’m like, this must be exactly what it felt like to be a member of the Port Mafia in the first 3-4 months after Dazai and Chuuya joined. You’re minding your business, doing your job. One day you’re given a ‘chuuya is a sore loser’ newsletter. It comes every week. You’re so tired. Everybody gets it though. He’s obsessed with him, he’s in love. They should just kiss instead of making it everyone else’s business.

[askchilchuck]

Hi Chilchuck! Could I ask for some advice? Someone had been repeatedly doing bad things to me, so I reported it to the police, but they didn’t believe me because I’m a minority. Have you faced this kind of discrimination and injustice as a half-foot? If so, how did you keep yourself safe if authorities didn’t help?

What? That’s terrible! Is there anyone who can corroborate your story? If so, it might help to bring them with you if this keeps up. Having numbers with you makes it a lot harder for them to ignore your reports.

[ssruis]

At some point I really do need to talk about tsukasa + rui wrt to rui - who has had so many people leave him because his ideas were scary/dangerous even when he did everything to ensure people wouldn’t actually get hurt - going “I’m going to be too weird and he’s going to leave me so I should just get it over with now by being as insane as possible. Ok he’s still here what if I’m more insane. Ok he’s still here but surely he’ll leave if I’m even crazier. Ok he’s still here but THIS time (rinse and repeat).” I feel like a lot of why rui acted Like That in the beginning was because he was like “this guy is a liar there’s no way he’ll actually stick around *nobody* is ok with my stunts.” If everyone says you’re weird and your ideas are insane and will hurt people you might as well lean into that being your reputation so that nobody else will attempt to be your friend and then leave when you + your ideas are too much. Obviously a lot of this is unconscious but I think in the beginning it was at least a little deliberate.

He was 100% lying when he was like “if you touch this you’ll die” in the main story but I feel like that was his way of being like “see recruiting me was a bad idea. Oh well this is what I expected”. Which is also why he immediately is like “bye then ✌🏻” when tsukasa is like “I don’t want to die.” & then he’s shocked when tsukasa is like “ok fine let’s do that” -> he suggests a flame thrower and launching tsukasa 10 meters into the air -> tsukasa is still like “😰… but it will wow the audience so as a future star I must do it”

which is 100% the first time anyone has been insane enough to agree to what rui throws at them & he’s very obviously super cheesed by this

The reason I’m singling out tsukasa (besides the fact that I’m a ruikasa enjoyer) is that, unlike with emu/nene, 1) tsukasa promised to match his freak during their first interaction 2) when rui attempted to call his bluff tsukasa continued to be insane and agree to his ideas.

& then when rui “shows and theatre are my entire life and also the only way I know how to connect to people (even though that never works)” kamishiro leaves and refuses to return, Tsukasa elects to convey his true feelings/rediscovery of his original goal through a show based around their argument. Which is an absolutely unhinged thing to do, but it works because rui is also unhinged and shows are the language he speaks best.

I think after the main story rui’s continued attempts to find the point where he’d finally become Too Much for tsukasa were unconscious. The brain likes patterns and it’s natural to attempt to make any exceptions to a rule fit with what you’re used to.

Wonder Halloween is absolutely rui’s worst nightmare coming true, in that he constantly goes to such great lengths to ensure that what he does is safe and people still leave anyways - and now he’s finally found someone just as crazy as he is, a place he can be accepted, and Tsukasa gets hurt because one of rui’s inventions malfunctions. If people left rui when it *was* safe, why on earth would someone stay when they actually got hurt because of him? & then tsukasa doesn’t leave, but rui pulls back because there’s no way he’s getting a second chance if someone else gets hurt. I think tsukasa being mad at *himself* for getting hurt and only getting mad at rui for pulling back was Huge because rui is so used to being too much, and now tsukasa is going “I won’t accept anything less than your authentic self.” Also huge because it showcases that tsukasa is a fucking freak.

The constant roping tsukasa into antics at school is (imo) another part of that - ok so tsukasa is fine with all of this on the stage, but what about in front of all of his peers? Getting in trouble and being labeled as weird will be the deal breaker right? Even nene doesn’t want to be seen around him. Nope! Tsukasa actually is going to act like they’re glued at the hip at school. Tsukasa cares about his reputation, in that he doesn’t want to be labeled as a trouble maker, but he’s already known as a weirdo and doesn’t really care. He’ll huff and puff about Rui being irresponsible and tarnishing his reputation but he’s still not leaving. Rui will purposefully annoy him & tsukasa will react dramatically but continue to associate with him.

Pandemonium is essentially an event about their relationship, & I’m not going to go pull a bunch of quotes (I am keeping this post solidly under control. I am not going to go insane with the evidence. I am normal and in charge of my own destiny.) but since I have this quote on hand:

Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.

Rui: as I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.

Rui: now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others

Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.

The reason why pandemonium is the turning point for their relationship is because they’re connecting outside of shows. The reason why rui specifically cites tsukasa as the reason he changed is because tsukasa brought him to wxs, repeatedly emphasized that he would not accept rui holding back, and stuck with him when any sane and reasonable person would have been like “I value not getting detention on the daily and not dying on stage.” I say that with love. Pandemonium shows that rui *can* connect to people and form relationships without playfully threatening bodily harm several times a day, but the rui + tsukasa relationship is special in that they’re both insane Together.

One specific thing I want to point out is in the card story where tsukasa joins the disciplinary committee (I’m not transcribing that/pulling quotes watch it yourself) because he’s tired of having a reputation as a trouble maker. The easiest way to clear his name would be to stop associating with Rui at school, but tsukasa instead goes “I’m going to be taking responsibility for him and watching him carefully”. ??? Ok? Freak. (Tsukasa Tenma voice) you are NOT getting rid of me.

Last thing to mention is that saki, upon first meeting rui, is like “He must keep my brother in check I’m glad he found someone to do shows with 🥰” (funniest possible first impression of the ruikasa dynamic). This post is rui focused (consequence of spending the past 24 hours rotating him in my mind) but I think that because rui is so crazy people often forget that tsukasa is also insane. Even saki, who he’s objectively more normal around, thinks he’s a freak.

They’re both show maniacs. Matching each others freak. Absolutely misery inducing to be around if you haven’t built up a tolerance. I think they’re neat. I hope they both explode. You understand.

[puppyeared]

Gripped with ideas but….. the panelling………….

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

the 14 year old edgelord in me keeps trying to compose deep poetry about coming to after dissociating. calm down babes. we’re all good here.

[kaylazer]

back on my bullshit (meeting men im in love with). Ben Schwartz is so kind and tall :-) I didn’t totally freeze like when I met the Jonas brothers but the selfies we took are blurry so 😔

(at least I have these bc I told sam to record the whole thing heheheh)

[6ebe]

James corden coming back now this have we not suffered enough 😞

[aristhought]

im like a huge horror fan in theory but not in practice. too scared and overstimulated to consume it but more than capable of spending several hours obsessively reading in depth analysis of one niche scene in a horror movie ive never even watched

[theflowerofthecommonwealth]

Nick: (Pacing around the office, recounting several stories about reckless and stupid things Jasmine has done recently)

Ellie Perkins: (Drinking some coffee, nodding along while thinking that the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree in this case)

Nick: “That’s not even the end of it! I warned that girl about going into the Milton Parking Garage because of the loose whack job who turned the place into a death trap but the more I talked about it the more she seemed to want to go in to catch this guy!”

Ellie Perkins: “Ya don’t say?” (Under her breath to herself) “Sounds pretty familiar….”

Nick: (Holds up a finger) “I turn my back for one second to talk with Preston and the next thing ya know X6 is behind me saying that my kid has just done the one thing I told her not to do and had decide to walk into the deathtrap because she wanted to “investigate” this so called maze!”

Ellie Perkins: (Overly dramatic gasp) “No- really?! Even though it was obviously a trap that had been set up and would most likely lead to her untimely death?!?”

Nick: (Doesn’t catch the biting sarcasm) “Yes! It was a trap laid out clear as day and the kid just moseyed on in there like she owned the place!”

Ellie Perkins: “Mhhhhhmmm!!! Is that so???” (Aggressively sips her coffee)

Nick: (Pinches the bridge of his nose) “I had to kick down the front door and drag Jazzy out by the heels because she wouldn’t come back! And the kid had the audacity to try and wave it off like she didn’t just give us all a heart attack in fear for her life!”

Ellie Perkins: “MHHHHHHMMMNNNN!” (Sips her coffee even more aggressively, almost breaking the handle with her grip)

Nick: (Shakes his head in exasperation) “The kid ain’t invincible and easily mendable no matter how big she talks herself up. One of these days her reckless behavior is gonna catch up to her- and that won’t be a pretty sight!”

Ellie Perkins: (Finally has her big moment after years of built up) “You feel like saying, “You keep laughing in deaths face, one day it’s going to laugh back,” to her to try and knock some sense into her stubborn little head?”

Nick: “YES! Exactly what I-!” (Realizes what she means by referring to that certain phrase and freezes)

Ellie Perkins: (Keeps going to drive in the point) “And it just annoys you to a deeper level whenever she does that confident little smirk juuuuust before she’s about to do something so stupidly reckless-…”

Nick: (Holds up a hand) “Alright, I see your point there, Ellie. I suppose I’m not the one who should be talking here….”

Ellie Perkins: (Grins smugly at him, folding her arms)

Nick: (Heavy sigh) “Yeah, yeah- get it all out of your system why doncha.” (Kicks his feet up on his desk, bracing for impact as he lights a cigarette)

Ellie Perkins: (Slams her hands down on the desk, almost quivering with anticipation) “I’ve been waiting a long damn time for this day to come, Valentine….”

(R.I.P Nicholas Valentine. He’s never hearing the end of this one from Ellie and he’s in for a long lecture)

[rottenlittlefink]

I don’t feel jealousy much, anymore, man 🤔 anyone else notice this in themselves? Like, no matter their 3D circumstances, even the shitty ones??

[pegging-satan]

Idk man I kinda just wanna like. Hold his head between my hands??? Yk, just to like. Feel him? Like in a very literal surface level way yk like the shape of his skull through his ushanka and his hair like. Yk like how hairstylists do it? Like I just wanna hold his head like from the sides just to like make sure he’s like a tangible entity yk?

He’s so intriguing? Tf? I’ve said this multiple times but I want to study him. Put him in situations. Hold him in my hands and study his behaviour. Yes, yes like scientists do with mice. He is a rat after all. Man. Idk all I know is I desire him intellectually and carnally. He’s so weird and strange but in such a charming way. Truly a specimen. Babygirl.

[kyannnite]

in the process of watching the fallout tv show and realized last night that i have accidentally gotten myself into another piece of media that involves a very morally questionable man with no nose

[waterdeepthroat]

bg3 is one of the only games where i’ve had to take some space away with it due to content. and honestly? i think that’s a good thing

[astral-from-afar]

This is what I’ve been feeling like all weekend

[sea-jello]

morro joins the band doodle anybody

[neonhotelsign]

ok but outside of as a massage therapy thing for back pain chiropractic doesnt work

It has for me, so call it confirmation bias or the fact that physical therapy, massages, going to the gym at least twice a week, being hyper mobile, doing yoga stretches before after and during work from sitting at a desk all day, working a job from 2021-2022 as a mail courier that required me to walk maybe 5 miles in a day at max while hauling maybe at most 180 pounds worth of printer paper/mail to judges chambers/municipal court buildings might have exacerbated my body

Chiropractic adjustments FOR ME has worked in alleviating pain in tandem with attempting to be healthier in my lifestyle, diet and regularly exercising within my ability to do so.

I have frozen shoulder and cubital tunnel syndrome in my right arm and my sciatic nerve is all fucked up from my job that involved A LOT driving I experience a ton of chronic pain and go to sports massage sessions regularly. I’m not a doctor I’m not a scientist I’m a person who has known a LOT of physical pain and the frustration therein I’m literally in pain in my left shoulder as I typed this because I am hypermobile and if I sit wrong for too long (read for 30-60 minutes) my skeletal alignment will fuck up and alter how the muscles in my body hang off my fucking skeleton

So since u know so well what are you gonna tell me to do instead? I did everything, and I still continue to do everything I should do and what doctors recommend and everything other than fucking surgery which I CANNOT afford to do both because of not living with my fucking parents and not qualifying for fmla because I’m still on probation at work being a public servant working within my cities municipality and because of my own more personal bullshit PLUS the responsibilities from my career I am beholden to certain things

are you mad at me? Because I’m mad at you for being so so smart!! I’m gonna smoke if that’s ok