#I’m fairly active in many communities

[oscillatingdichotomy]

Gender is, unfortunately, something we contend with, and women do face discrimination much more then men. Gender shouldn’t be relevant but it is, but that doesn’t mean sex-specific experiences aren’t relevant. Is ridicule and harassment I’ve faced in the workplace not relevant because I’m not a woman? In terms of feminism, sure, but I still advocate for equality between the sexes and for those who don’t fit that system. Sex and gender-based discrimination are one of many reasons someone may get treated more poorly, including being seen as an outsider for not aligning to gender norms. Trans women often identify as that rather than just women possibly because there is a difference and they’re trying to exist outside of the binary rather than reinforcing it. Forcing someone to be on one side with no ability to switch rather than have their own category reinforces it as well.

I’m not transsexual not transgender, but I know many people who are, and it seems that their identities are typically more strongly tied into body dysmorphia of the sex organs than anything else. The gender-related interests often just follow or are the first sign of something being wrong, as those tend to develop before sex organs.

It’s definitely true that sex affects medical care, and it’s very interesting to hear that about intersex individuals, although some brief digging showed this:

One part says that intersex individuals can have some XX chromosomes and some XY, and says that this shows sex as either being on a spectrum or having a sort of ‘other’ category, rather than all intersex people being identifiable as one or the other - some even may appear as one sex on the outside but have the anatomy of the other sex on the inside. This all means that medical care affected by sex is complex, and when someone is born one sex and takes measures to change their sex organs to resemble a different sex (not become it - I think the reason gender is used for transgender individuals is specifically because sex can’t actually be changed, but as I said it doesn’t make sense to force someone to stick within a binary system that they don’t fit into simply because trying to align with who they are reinforces that system when they’re actually outside of it) they absolutely need to disclose that to medical professionals in order to receive the correct care - but hormone therapy does change the body to better align with the sex characteristics of the felt gender and changes medical care from what the born state of the body might need.

Finally, every trans (trans man and trans woman) and non-binary person I know is a huge advocate for women’s rights and supports a cause that doesn’t necessarily affect them but many biological women oppose transgenderism because they believe it threatens feminism. The real opposition is those who believe women are not equal, and that surely is not trans people.

[gabrielleragusi]

For Artists: My Experience with Commission Platforms and Illustration Agencies

Hi there! I’ve been wanting to compile a list of commission platforms that I’ve personally used for the longest time, and I finally did it! I’ve highlighted the still-active commission platforms in bold and struck those that don't exist anymore so you can jump to the sections that interest you without needing to read my entire story.

Let me start by briefly introducing myself.

I’m Gabrielle, a fantasy illustrator. Since 2014, I’ve been working on book covers and illustrations for publishers, authors, and book subscription boxes. Early on, work wasn’t as frequent as it is now. I had to search for opportunities myself, and even small private commissions were important for building my portfolio and earning some money, which I’d spend on materials, books, and online courses. Like many other artists, I started out by trying my luck with the biggest art community available at the time.

DeviantArt

2009-2018

Once upon a time, there was a virtual haven called DeviantArt. To my teenage self, it was a magical place. I signed up in 2009 and thought I’d never leave!

At first, I created an account just to share my work and learn. I didn’t even think about commissions for four or five years. But when that first inquiry finally landed in my inbox, things took off! My mum swears she remembers my excitement when I got my first commission, but for some reason, I’ve completely forgotten about it. I can't remember what it was or how much it paid. It might have been a portrait of a fantasy character.

Commissions on DeviantArt were fairly frequent, especially considering my cheap prices at the time. I used to offer discounts and post my rates in my DeviantArt journal, or in Commission groups that featured artists either monthly or weekly. After checking out my profile, a client could simply send me a private message and from there, we’d discuss payment, deadlines, and other details, and the platform didn’t take any fees, much like how ArtStation works today. Everything happened through private messages or email, with direct contact between artist and client.

The downside of this process was that there was no dispute resolution system on the platform. I had to handle all issues myself, and unfortunately, problems did arise sometimes: there were clients changing their minds about commissions, asking for refunds after work was delivered, refusing to pay, or just ghosting me. These issues didn’t happen because clients were evil, but rather because I was inexperienced and allowed some to take advantage of my naivety.

However, all that frustration helped me develop my commission process through trial and error (mostly error). And despite the challenges, I can say with satisfaction that most of the commissions I received through my DeviantArt profile were positive experiences.

DeviantArt eventually introduced a commission feature for Core (Premium) users, which came with a platform fee, but I didn’t use it much, and I’m not sure if it still exists.

The real beauty of dA, though, was the connections I made. I was able to meet people, both artists and clients, that I’m still in contact with today, and some of whom I still collaborate with.

I closed my account in 2018 or 2019, but by that time, I hadn’t really used it for a couple of years. The new user interface was a bit of a turn-off for me. I had always loved the geeky, and dare I say cozy, look of the old green and grey aesthetic, with its customisable panels that you could move around and personalise with HTML code... But I digress.

Artists and Clients

2013-2016

While taking small commissions on DeviantArt, I discovered Artists & Clients. It was a nice platform for clients to get things like their D&D characters or groups illustrated for relatively cheap. I think my highest price was $50 for a single character portrait, with the platform taking a 15% cut. I used it for about two or three years before the platform started to change.

As more artists with hentai art styles flooded in, the homepage shifted, and so did the clientele. There’s nothing wrong with drawing naked anime girls, of course, but you can understand that if a client is looking for a fantasy, semi-realistic painting of their female orc character, or a realistic portrait of their spouse, it's more than likely that they won't bother sifting through a sea of anime girls to find the style they want, imagining it isn't here. Let's just say that, at the time, the website took a definite direction that wasn't in line with my genre, but this direction didn't make the different, more realistic art styles stand out either.

Soon, commissions slowed down for me, so I closed my account, but by then I was already working elsewhere.

That said, this platform could still be a useful tool if you’re looking to take on smaller commissions.

DreamUp

2014-2015

DreamUp wasn’t an AI generator back then. It was actually a subsidiary of DeviantArt, where clients could post projects and artists could apply. It was a competitive platform that offered well-paid work–very well-paid. I remember seeing jobs posted that ranged from $300 to $1,200. DreamUp was a very professional platform for clients with a mid to high budget.

I believe I landed my very first book cover commission through this website when I was in my last year of high school. I remember getting the job and going to school the next morning, excited to share the news with my classmates. Everyone was super thrilled for me (we were a really close-knit class!), and I felt like I was walking on air.

Unfortunately, as far as I know, that book was never released, but it didn’t matter because I was moving forward, and fast.

I’m not sure when DreamUp was shut down, but I do know that DeviantArt held onto the copyrighted name, assigning it to something so anti-old DreamUp that it still boggles my mind.

ArtCorgi

Now Artistree

2014-2019

When I received an invitation to join ArtCorgi from its founder, I already had a somewhat consistent portfolio. I was painting portraits and fantasy illustrations, and the clients on this platform were looking for both–your typical wedding and pet portraits, as well as book covers, which were what really interested me. To get to the latter, I had to do the former. Over the years, I’ve painted so many realistic portraits that now I have a strict rule for my own sanity not to do them any more. I have great respect for portrait artists, but it’s just not me.

When I first submitted my prices to the person I was in contact with, she kindly suggested that I raise them... a lot. That was a major step forward in my professional career. I went from charging $50 to $100/$200 overnight. And to my surprise, people actually wanted to commission me at those prices!

From 2014 to 2019, I took nearly every commission that came my way. I never spoke directly with the clients; all instructions and feedback went through my point of contact, which helped maintain a level of professionalism, although now that I’m used to working directly with clients, I’m not sure I’d want to go back to having an intermediary.

Sadly, as with all good things, this chapter came to an end. My point of contact eventually left communication in the hands of someone else, and shortly after, the commission fee changed to, I believe, 30%.

Simply put, 30% is an unrealistic cut for a website like this. For an agent that gets you all kinds of big work in the publishing industry, sure, but since this was not the case I had to stop taking commissions. Despite that, my overall experience with ArtCorgi was very positive.

Today, ArtCorgi joined another platform, Artistree. As far as I can tell, Artistree doesn’t take any fees from artists, with clients covering a small cost instead.

Sketchmob (?)

2016-2020

This was probably the platform I used the most. I’ve lost count of how many commissions I received through Sketchmob. Many. Enough to generate a steady income at the time. With reasonable fees and a variety of art styles available, clients contacted me almost daily. Communication was direct between artists and clients, and payments could be split. The review system also worked very well… for a while.

Once I raised my prices, requests became fewer and farther apart. But by then, I was already working with my own clients.

Is this platform still active? Who knows. The website is still up and the chat feature works, but I’ve seen users complain that money available for withdrawal never arrived via PayPal (the only payment method the platform accepted, if I remember correctly). Personally, I wouldn’t risk completing a job through Sketchmob right now, at least not until they release an update.

If you’ve used the platform recently and successfully received payment within the last six months, please let me know, and I’d be happy to update this section!

Upwork

2017-2019

In 2017, I was determined to break into the book publishing industry. After trying out Fiverr and Freelancer.com with no success (the competition was too fierce for someone just starting out), I decided to give Upwork a shot. The platform looked very professional, and while the process sounded a bit complicated, I wanted to land the interesting projects I saw featured in my category. I really wanted to work with a big client… but big clients didn’t seem to want me, despite having the Rising Talent badge.

In two years of bidding for jobs and submitting proposals, I only landed two projects: a small commission from a private client who actually reached out to me, and another project that I bid on.

Don’t get me wrong, I was ecstatic at the time and truly appreciated every opportunity that came my way. But looking back, I can see why Upwork didn’t work out for me. The platform just wasn’t the right fit for my style and niche, which is fantasy illustration. Graphic design, however, was (and still is) in much higher demand.

The commission process on Upwork wasn’t as simple as on other platforms. For instance, at the time, costs were calculated hourly, which was a challenge for someone like me who prefers working with flat fees (having already calculated my average hours spent on an illustration). From what I’ve seen, this has since changed.

One positive aspect of Upwork is its current 10% cut on what artists earn. I don’t recall if this has changed over the years, but 10% is quite reasonable in my experience. Of course, 0% would be even better, but for a platform as large as Upwork, 10% is fair.

Illustration Agency

2019-2021

By 2019, I had built a solid, consistent portfolio thanks to my personal work and commissions. I had a simple website in place, my Instagram following was growing… I was steadily working toward my goal of illustrating covers for big publishers (which didn't happen until two years ago).

So, when an illustration agency reached out to me one day, I was over the moon. I had always heard that artists were the ones who had to approach agencies, not the other way around.

Well, that should have been my first red flag.

I won’t name this agency because, unfortunately, I have nothing positive to say about it. In fact, the word “nothing” perfectly describes my involvement with them. Nothing came of this barely there experience.

The agency invited me to sign up, not on an exclusive basis, but they assured me they’d get me work. That work never came. Once in a while, I’d receive messages saying they were trying to pitch my portfolio to a French publisher or another client, but... nothing.

Please understand that meanwhile I was already working directly with shops and authors, so I don’t believe my portfolio was the problem. The real issue was something I didn’t realise at the time: some agencies do this. They feature talented artists in their catalogue without having actual clients lined up, just to appear more professional and credible to potential clients. Did this strategy work for them? Maybe. I’ll never know.

In 2021, I politely asked them to remove my portfolio from their website, and that was the end of it.

After that, I never actively sought out an agent again. By the time my portfolio was strong enough to approach a serious agency, I just didn’t need representation anymore.

Hireillo

2019-2022

My experience with Hire an Illustrator, or Hireillo, is mixed. At the time, Hireillo was a platform that hosted artists' portfolios, featured artist-submitted news, provided useful articles, resources, and directories of artists and agents. I joined the site hoping to catch the eye of publishers, but I was mostly contacted by authors and one fellow artist for a graphic novel.

Unfortunately, most inquiries didn’t go beyond the first couple of messages due to budget constraints. I did, however, have fun sharing news about my painting process and projects I landed on my own, which were often featured by the website. Additionally, if I had questions about 'complicated' things like copyright, or just needed advice, I could ask the website’s owner and that was incredibly helpful.

Despite these benefits, I didn’t see any real results, which was a little disappointing. The subscription fee was also... odd, for lack of a better word. $5 per week. In the end I just couldn’t justify the cost, so I stopped using the website altogether.

Reedsy

2019-2022

Finally, we come to the turning point.

I remember stumbling upon Reedsy randomly. It wasn’t very well known at the time, and I think it still isn’t. I was nervous when I submitted my portfolio because their catalogue features the best of the best: designers who’ve created covers for bestsellers, THE bestsellers, people who’ve worked on Stephen King covers, or George R.R. Martin's. Designers, editors, and marketers who are veterans. I didn’t have high hopes for my application. So, I was in shock when it got accepted.

I had an introductory Skype call with a representative from Reedsy, who explained how everything worked. Before the call ended, I remember asking if there was a good chance I’d get work through the platform. The rep laughed and said, “Yes.”

A few weeks in, I understood that laugh.

Reedsy has an overwhelming demand for book covers and commercial projects. For every designer there are many more clients. In peak seasons, I was getting requests almost every day. I’m not exaggerating.

Reedsy transformed my portfolio and my pricing structure. Thanks to the income I earned through the platform, I was finally able not to take everything that came my way but be selective and choose only the projects that really interested me.

The commission process is simple: artists pretty much decide how to split payments, what to include in agreements, and the best part, the most beautiful and helpful feature of all, they can request and adjust deadlines. For someone like me who's terrible with deadlines, this feature was a lifesaver. The admins are also very kind and responsive, available via email or chat.

Unfortunately (this is my last 'unfortunately', I promise), my time on Reedsy came to an end for personal reasons. I’ll explain since it’s no secret.

All my images on Reedsy were watermarked with my signature (my full name), which apparently violated the platform’s rules. Why? Because if a client saw my last name, they could contact me directly and bypass Reedsy, which meant the platform lost potential fees. I’ll admit this did happen a few times, but I had the good sense to redirect the client back to Reedsy.

After three years, an admin finally noticed and asked me to remove my full name from the watermark and any text on my profile. It was a simple and reasonable request, but here’s where the problem started. Profiles on Reedsy are public, and images appear in search engines like Google Images, meaning anyone could download my work and use it without permission. Sure, watermarks can be removed, but uploading my work without one in the first place felt like a bad idea. Btw, not only do I use watermarks, but I also use Glaze to protect my illustrations before sharing them online.

Anyway, for this reason, and also because I couldn’t get over the fact that full names were public at the time, something I won’t get into because, believe me, I tried over email, and my reasons went into the void (now, last names are just initialised, like Gabrielle R. Okay. Sure.), I had to close my account–they would have done it anyway because it was already 'flagged'.

Overall, if you’re willing to overlook the last name conundrum, I can’t recommend Reedsy enough. If you have a killer, solid portfolio and a love for books and editorial projects, go for it!

--------------------------------------------

I hope you'll find this useful! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask (: Oh, and here's an old article I wrote in 2020, titled:

Tips to freelance illustrators to avoid being screwed over

Who knows, maybe I'll write another 'article' post in four years!

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[sonotpattismith]

Hi! Could I req an inumaki w/ a reader with anxiety attacks? thank you!

Breathe. (toge inumaki x reader)

word count: 3.7k warnings: mentions of anxiety, panic attacks a/n: thank you so, so much for the request! I hope I was able to get the vibe you were looking for 😌

The first time Inumaki witnessed one of your anxiety attacks, his first instinct was to take you to Shoko, and, much to your mortification after the fact— he did. Neither of you knew one other very well yet, having interacted minimally during training or simply in passing. Truthfully, when you were assigned on a mission together, it scared you. Not that you had anything against him, but his lack of ability to communicate should something be going wrong during the mission was certainly something that raised red flags for you.

It must have been a year or two since you last had an anxiety attack quite like this one. Since beginning your lifestyle as a jujutsu sorcerer, many of your previous fears and low levels of distress tolerance for stressors improved significantly. It wasn’t that it was something you were actively trying to work on, but it certainly came with the territory. So, when those familiar feelings began to rise in you once again near the end of your mission with the cursed speech user, you were both thrown for a loop.

You typically had a routine for these sorts of things. It was by no means Inumaki’s fault, you simply hadn’t taken into account how his lack of communication would impact said routine. As you leaned on your knees to catch your breath following the proper disposal of a fairly strong curse that had been terrorizing the area, you looked to your partner, who was wiping blood from the corners of his mouth.

“Let’s get out of here, this place reeks.” You suggested with a huff.

“Salmon.” He croaked out, voice still hoarse from the command he’d just hurled at the curse moments prior. Your eyes softened slightly at the sound. Training with him was one thing, but hearing his raw power in full display before you was something else entirely. Tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder, you watched his eyes regard you curiously.

“Are— is your voice okay?”

Inumaki paused for a moment before his eyes squinted a bit, face scrunching up as he offered you a soft wave as if to say ‘I’m fine’. You smiled softly at his nonchalant expression. Nodding affirmatively, you turned to begin your trek toward the exit, but you were stopped with a gentle hand around your wrist. You tilted your head in question at the boy, who’s brows were furrowed as he pointed in the opposite direction.

“Pollack roe.” He stated, voice still gravely. The boy began tugging you in said direction. Honestly, the building that the two of you were assigned to was so massive that you really weren’t sure where the exit actually was. Toge seemed more sure of himself than you did though, so you followed him without question.

It must have been ten minutes that you had been walking down hallway after hallway, exiting through various doors in the never ending labyrinth of this place. Fear began to prickle in the very back of your mind. Did he know where he was going? As you felt your heart begin to pick up speed, you willed yourself to take a deep breath.

“Inumaki…” You called hesitantly. He already knew the doubts running through your head, and he turned to face you with a sheepish expression. It did nothing to ease the tension filling your body. “Are you sure we’re going the right way?”

He paused in front of a door, pointing assuredly at it with a nod. His lavender eyes seemed to plead with you as if to say it’s this one, I swear. “Tuna tuna.”

You knew he couldn’t help it, and you knew he was doing the best he could to communicate with you. Still, without certainty of his thought process at the moment, you couldn’t help but start to panic. Your fingers trembled with uncertainty as they gripped the rails of the staircase you were descending.

They were all telltale signs: the sudden twinge of fear arising in the deep corners of your mind, the way your heart seemed to pound mercilessly against your rib cage, the inescapable body tremors— but it had been years, and you truly thought that was all past you. So, when Inumaki opened the heavy, metal door at the bottom of the staircase open for you, and you were met with yet another grueling hallway— something snapped within you.

It felt as though your vision was becoming tunneled. You tried to blink furiously through it, but the pressure building behind your eyes wouldn’t allow it. The violent, meticulous drumming of your heart seemed to stop altogether before slamming back into you at full force. The sensation was one you could only assume was likened to that of a heart attack, but then again you wouldn’t know. Raising a trembling hand to your chest, your mind began coming up with the worst case scenarios. Were you having a heart attack? Had you been cursed unknowingly? The possibilities only served to make your symptoms that much worse, and you were now struggling to breathe.

“Mustard leaf?”

You could hear Inumaki’s concern-laced voice coming from beside you, but it sounded as though he was underwater with the blood rushing in your ears. Unfamiliar hands came to grasp your forearms. It grounded you for just a moment, but your mind was still racing with the thought that something may be happening to you, and you couldn’t find your way out of this damn building.

“Some-Something’s wrong,” you began babbling, desperate for any sign that you’d make it out of here alive. Toge’s fear-stricken face floated into your line of vision, his eyes searching up and down for an explanation. “I can’t breathe. H-Help me, please. Please, help me.” Senseless, desperate babbles began to tumble from your lips as you clutched onto his arms as if it would stop you from succumbing to whatever mysterious ailment that had decided to creep upon her.

Her desperate cries only served to terrify the confused boy more. Scanning her now pale face and trembling hands, he wished for nothing more than to just ask her what was going on— what she was feeling so maybe he could understand how to help. It was impossible though, and nothing frustrated him more. Unsure of what had suddenly come over her, Inumaki could only do just as she was asking of him and help— whatever that meant. Tucking an arm around her waist, his movements were quick and determined to find the exit and get her to help.

It seemed as though that stairwell he had lead them down was correct. At the end of that very hall was the familiar exit doors. She was stumbling along beside him, her grip on his arm now suffocating. With a newfound determination, the boy bent down to throw her over his shoulder as gently as he could and race out the door. The location wasn’t far from the school, much to Inumaki’s relief. By the time they reached their destination, you were already beginning to come down ever so slightly from the attack. Still, the boy insisted on dragging you along to see Shoko.

Toge stayed posted just under the door frame, watching with an impatient tap on his foot as the healer pulled the stethoscope from her ears and hummed softly.

“Your heart rate is a little high but everything else looks normal.” She stated, giving the anxious girl before her a once over. Looking at the way your hair seemed to cling to your forehead, she placed the back of her hand against the damp skin there. “You’ve got cold sweats?”

You nodded softly, squeezing your fingers together in an attempt to stop them shaking. A knowing look suddenly passed over the woman’s face, and she leaned back on the table behind her.

“Do you have a history of anxiety attacks?”

The blood seemed to drain from your face at the realization. Suddenly, you were unable to look her or Inumaki in the eyes. Embarrassment gripped you with a ferocity that had you chewing aggressively at your bottom lip.

“Um…” you murmured under your breath as your gaze remained unmoving from its place on your lap. It only seemed to cause your breathing to return to its previously strained tempo. “I-I mean yeah, but… I haven’t had one in years.”

Shoko nodded affirmatively, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. It made you glance up at her hesitantly, face flushed red.

“Hey, it’s no big deal. With a job like this, I’d be more worried if you all weren’t losing it every once and a while. Just know your symptoms. Remember to breathe through it when they start.”

You spoke to Shoko for a few minutes longer about identifying your symptoms as they arise. This time around, you were able to pinpoint the cold sweats, trembling, and racing heart as your telltale signs. For some reason, you were even more embarrassed when she went over a basic, grounding breathing technique with you. Inumaki’s presence weighed heavily in the room throughout the entire interaction. You wanted the ground to swallow you whole. It had all been for nothing— the panic, the rush, the concern— all because you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that yes, you would eventually make it out of the building.

You tried not to look at him as he walked you back to your dorm, which you insisted was unnecessary. When you pleaded with him to just turn in for the night. You were sure he was exhausted from having to haul you all the way out of the building after already being drained by the use of his technique. Still, he simply just shrugged nonchalantly, shoving his hands into his pockets as he followed you to your door. As the two of you reached your dorm, you couldn’t help but look down shyly at your feet

“I’m so sorry,” The apology tumbled from your lips with little thought. Thumbing over the hem of your shirt, you continued. “I should have known what it was. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. That was so—”

Toge abruptly stopped you with a comforting hand on your shoulder. Though the lower half of his face was still covered by his collar, you could see the way his lavender eyes squinted a bit with his reassuring smile. Holding out a finger as if to say hold on, he quickly pulled out his phone and began typing.

That was on me. I lowkey got us lost 😮‍💨

Biting back your surprise at the tiny piece of his personality shining through the message, a soft smile replaced your blabbering apologies. Laughing softly, you shook your head, cheeks still tinged a bit pink. You wanted to apologize again, tell him you shouldn’t have freaked him out like that so unnecessarily, but it seemed like he was trying to give you an out. His eyes shone softly as he regarded your now more relaxed posture.

“Yeah,” You breathed with a quiet laugh. “ ‘Tuna tuna’ my ass, I’ll be the navigator next time.”

His laugh shook his chest, and you suddenly wished you could see the smile it was giving him. Typing up a quick message, he held his phone out with one hand while the other came up to his head in a mock salute.

My bad bro, I’ll just command you to find the exit next time.

Your friendship blossomed after that shared mission, and you came to appreciate the little bits of Toge’s personality you began to see spring up. The two of you mostly communicated through text, but you had even begun to be able to find meaning in his seemingly nonsensical rice ball ingredients. You had been eternally grateful that he hadn’t made a big deal out of the panic attack you had experienced that sent you both spiraling. Even more so, it touched you that he was perceptive enough to save face for you.

Still, when you went on missions together, which began happening more often as your collaboration grew with your bond, he found himself keeping an particularly close eye on you. It wasn’t that Inumaki thought you couldn’t hold your own during a mission, his first hand experience seeing your skill in jujutsu made sure of that. More so, he looked out for those signs you had spoken to Shoko about. If there was a particularly unfamiliar place, or you were getting more roughed up than usual, the cursed speech user seemed to watch to see if your fingers trembled against your weapon, or if your breathing seemed to become abnormal. It had been months since the incident, but the precaution still lingered in the back of his mind every now and again.

So, the second time you experienced an anxiety attack in your time at Jujutsu High, Toge was more than prepared. You had landed yourself in the infirmary. Surprisingly (and embarrassingly), it hadn’t even been on a mission. No, you had actually come down with a wicked case of food poisoning.

You and Toge had spent the day in the city just two days prior. Having pulled you into an unsuspecting, hole in the wall deli just a few blocks away from the store you two were headed to, the boy shook his head adamantly as you pointed to the sandwich you thought looked good. Making a comically dramatic ‘X’ with his arms across his chest, he acted out a fake gag. Your ignorance of his attempt to warn you that something didn’t look quite right about that sandwich only made your trip to Shoko that much more embarrassing.

You hadn’t stopped throwing up since that night after you two returned. He had texted you the next morning asking if you wanted to get breakfast, but just the thought of trying to force something down your throat was making you gag. After this offer was declined, he sent a few more texts your way, however they were all ignored. On top of the fact that you were too embarrassed to tell him that you’d been spilling your guts for twenty-four hours straight, the prideful side of you just really didn’t want to give the smug motherfucker the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

Now, as you laid in the uncomfortably stiff bed for seven hours, hooked up to an IV that was replenishing all the fluids you had lost in the past twenty-four hours, you were regretting your decision of not telling him. It was silent in the room. The stark white, barren walls were infuriating to look at, and the puny size of the room began to make it feel as though they were closing in on you. Shoko came in to check on you every once and a while, but, other than that, you were alone. The healer didn’t mention when you’d be able to leave and resume your normal routine. All you knew was that until you stopped looking like a ghost and were able to keep more than a mere cup of water down, you would be under her observation.

It seemed endless though, the countless seconds, turned minutes, turned hours. As the sun began to set outside, that feeling of uncertainty became more inescapable. Your hand began to tremble as you scrolled through your phone in an attempt to distract yourself. For a moment, you worried that your body was beginning to react to the lack of food. The longer time went on though, the worse it became. Was it getting warmer in this room? With an anxious huff, you kicked the blanket off of your trembling legs. Your heart began to pound against your chest— you could feel it everywhere. It was in your back, your ears, your fingertips.

Opening your mouth to call for help, you cut yourself off with a startled yelp when you saw a familiar head of platinum blond hair in the doorway. After not hearing back from you all day, Toge would be lying if he said he wasn’t starting to worry a bit. While your friendship was still growing and you didn’t necessarily see each other everyday, it was definitely uncharacteristic for you to not even reply to him.

You had quickly become a constant in his life, finding himself checking for your messages as soon as he opened his eyes in the morning. Knowing he could definitely be a complete stage five clinger when he wanted to be, he tried not to bother you that day. The last thing he wanted was to scare you off. Oftentimes Inumaki felt as though he had to make up for his lack of words with his presence. When it came to you, all he wanted was to assure that you knew how much he cared for you since he couldn’t outright tell you. Although, he had a feeling that even if he could, the words would get choked up in his throat as soon as you batted those gleaming, brilliant eyes at him.

In the end, he had to hear from Maki that you had landed yourself in Shoko’s infirmary with a nasty case of food poisoning. While a bit hurt that you didn’t tell him, he figured it was your pride getting in the way because— damn it, he told you to put that sandwich down. So, there he was, smugly strolling in to visit you with a sandwich shaped plushie under one arm (which had the stupidest little look on its stuffed, bread face that he just couldn’t not pick it up on his run to the store), and his switch in the other, hoping to at least entertain you for a while in your time of need.

The eager expression on his face quickly faded as he took in the state of you. Your eyes were wide and misty as they landed on him with a gasp. Quickly moving toward your bed, he regarded you with concern as he set his things down on the chair beside you.

“Mustard leaf?” He pressed, taking in the way your face was quite a few shades lighter than he recalled, and your hands seemed to reach desperately out toward him. Leaning forward, he allowed you to fist the fabric of his hoodie between your fingers and pull him closer.

“Toge, something’s wrong.” The familiar words tumbled from your lips as tears lined your eyes. You haphazardly grappled at his hand to bring it to your chest as if he was qualified enough to tell you if you were really crashing out right now or not. “Help me— you need to help me.”

Too wrapped up in the inexplicable feeling that you were falling down, deep into an inescapable chasm, you couldn’t think straight enough to recognize that you two had been in this exact situation before. Luckily though, the boy in front of you remembered perfectly, since you scared the shit out of him the first time. With furrowed brows, he reached out to graze the skin of your forehead tentatively. Upon feeling the unmistakable, damp sensation clinging to your otherwise cool forehead, Toge knew exactly what was going on.

With softening eyes, he sat beside you in the cramped bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. Grabbing the hand that was still clutched onto his shirt, he brought it up to his chest before taking a deep breath and hoping you’d repeat. You were nearly hysterical though, tears now streaming freely down your cheeks at the feeling of your own racing heart.

“Please, get Shoko, Toge. I need help—”

“Tuna, tuna.” The boy urged desperately, using his free hand to point to his chest as he took another, dramatic deep breath in. Your hand still trembled against his though, and your breathing was still hitched. It made him want to rip his hair out— the way he couldn’t remind you that you were okay, that you were just having an anxiety attack, and you just needed to ground yourself like Shoko taught you. His heart was breaking more each second at the sight of your panicked state. In a desperate fury, he ripped his collar down around his neck.

“Breathe.”

In an instant, it was as if your lungs were being pried open. Cool oxygen flooded your system, making your hazy mind just a hair clearer. His fingers were firm atop of yours, splayed out in the center of his chest as he dramatically breathed out, nodding for you to do the same. It was a bit of back and forth like this before the realization hit you. A rush of heat flooded to your cheeks, making you dip your head down in embarrassment.

“I did it again.” You cursed, willing yourself to stop blushing as it was really only making the embarrassment worse. “I’m sorry, Toge. I didn’t even realize…”

His shoulder dropped a bit, relaxing once he noted you had begun breathing normally once again. Now that things had calmed down, you were struck by the intimate position you had been put in. He was close— closer than he had ever been to you, especially with his collar pulled down. For the first time, you were actually able to see the soft smile that graced his marked lips. Your heart swelled a bit at the sight, unable to tear your eyes away from the newfound territory you’d been made a witness to.

Toge’s fingers curled nervously around yours when he noticed your unwavering gaze on his exposed mouth. Under your fingertips, you could feel his heart thumping wildly against his chest. His pale cheeks pinked before you. In a last ditch effort to preserve his dignity, he quickly pulled the abandoned sandwich stuffy off the chair to present to you.

Your eyes fell on it slowly, and upon processing what it was, your mouth fell open with an insulted gasp. His lips broke out into a boyish grin, laughing boisterously as you smacked his chest.

“You’re such a dick, Inumaki!”

Despite your harsh words, he watched with pride in his eyes as you slowly wrapped your arms around the plushy. After carefully adjusting the line of your IV so it didn’t get tangled, he grabbed the switch that had also been left on the chair, holding it up in question. You smiled giddily before scooting over so he could squeeze into the small space beside you.

With your head resting softly on his shoulder, and your legs tangled with his over the messy sheets as you two shared the tiny screen in his lap, the daunting, white walls of your room didn’t seem as maddening anymore.

masterlist | requests | talk to me ❤︎

I love hearing everyone's thoughts! ◝⠀(ᵔᵕᵔ)⠀◜

[senlinyu]

Hey I am a big fan of manacled and so excited for alchemised! I was wondering if you'd be able to share some posts for UK trans charities? We're having a hard time over here and obviously jkr is a big reason why. I know you're an ally and I think your voice could be really useful right now. Than you for your amazing writing!

Absolutely, I was so upset when I saw the news. I’m so sorry that you and everyone in the trans community in the UK are being faced with this ruling. 

The news has made me really question and second guess how to continue to exist in fandom, if I can or should. In the past, I’ve tended to think that since I was writing to a pre-established community, no one here was going to be discovering Harry Potter because of me. Especially knowing that JKR had expressed vocal distaste for dramione, and that my fics generally tend to fall into the 95 theses nailed to the door category of ‘fan’ work, I’ve tended to take for granted that my feelings about her are fairly obvious to any fandom regular trying to assess them. 

But now, particularly because of the way that Manacled has completely breached containment, I don’t feel like I can say that about my personal participation any more, which makes me very sad because the thought of stepping away from my communities feels like losing a found family. 

Because I got into Harry Potter by reading fan lexicons and fanfiction for several years before I read the books or saw any of the movies, when I think about Harry Potter my primary association with it isn't JKR, or the cast, or series itself, but the fanfic communities, many of which in my case, have been very queer, and were the first lgbtq spaces that I was able to participate in.

It was the people from those private communities who talked to me as I was sorting through my orientation of being aro/ace and were so patient with me a couple years back when I was trying to unravel whether I was allowed to identify as non-binary while still being fairly femme presenting. So it’s always a bit of a shock to step out of my circles and remember that’s not what most people associate with Harry Potter.

And while I can continue my personal friendships without context of HP, watching communities I’ve been connected to for decades dissolving feels so sad. And I don't know where to begin when it comes to things like LTDI, which I don’t want to abandon, but I also don’t want its continuation to be misconstrued as some kind of endorsement of transphobia.

Sorry… I’m rambling. I feel like I’ve been stuck in a mental hamster wheel ever since I read more details about the ruling, trying to sort through my feelings and what an appropriate reaction is, but also not wanting to come across like the big deal is how it affects me. 

But since this is something I’m very well-known for now, I feel like I need to do and say something to make my feelings clear.

I’ve been donating to Mermaids UK for a couple years now, it’s the charity that I’ve had listed on my fandom FAQ site when people have messaged or emailed wanting to 'pay' for my fics. 

I also made a donation to Not A Phase after seeing Nicola Coughlan post about it.

Since I’m not UK based, I feel a bit hesitant to resoundingly endorse a specific trans charity since I don’t personally know the details of their ground work, so if you have other trans charities whose advocacy and activism you’d recommend, please let me know. *hugs*

[wundrousarts]

I’m also curious about people’s thoughts on this. I too am suffering from the American release date being practically two months after the initial release. While I don’t want to see spoilers I know from experience from Hollowpox that I will be peeking at the Silverborn channel in the discord like this 🫣🫣🫣 anyways LOL.

I made a private “Silverborn Spoilers” community with the new feature (that I don’t understand at all) because I was thinking that could be a good way try and keep stuff contained, because just relying on muting tags isn’t always reliable….. and because I am always tempted to click on the hidden posts 😅. The only issue though is that you can’t reblog from communities nor can you make a private one public? But Silverborn is a year away, so maybe it would change by then. 🤷

For context, this is a Nevermoor fandom poll on whether or not you're ok with spoilers from people in the fandom who have read Silverborn once it comes out. Please put your thoughts down below, I'd love to hear them!

My thoughts under the cut:

Personally, I made this poll because I'm a bit conflicted over whether or not I want to see spoilers before I read Silverborn, once it comes out (I live in the US, so I definitely won't get it first). On one hand, I'd love to have an unspoiled (besides snippets and things) read of Silverborn, so I can experience all of the twists firsthand. But on the other hand, I also want to experience all of the fanart, fanfics, analyses, and commentaries in real time, I don't want to miss anything!

Again, please reblog and share your thoughts!

[omegastation]

Hi. I haven’t used Tumblr in such a long time. It's kinda weird. Last time was two years ago...

I went to Valencia in Spain a few months later. Some parts of it reminded me of the Citadel. I wanted to write about it here, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t really come back here because I couldn’t play the game. I couldn’t concentrate at all, couldn’t finish a simple mission, couldn’t just “play”. I’m still in my first Legendary playthrough if you can believe it. I was losing something that brought me joy and didn’t really know what to do.

And the long story short about my time away: I got a Master’s degree while still working (evening & weekend classes). It’s fairly recent, I learned in June that I got a "Grande Distinction" (with great distinction? idk how to translate it well in English, it's just one of the highest marks). So that was nice :)

Less nice: I got a severe pulmonary embolism in November. My lungs are okay but I have to deal with daily hyperventilation now, which means I’m quite tired and need to make an appointment soon for respiratory physiotherapy. If you’re wondering, I don’t smoke and I’m fairly active. What else? I’m about to self-publish (finally!!!) my collection of short stories in French. Mom helped me yesterday, we ordered printed books. So I'm still writing. Reading and knitting all the time. And I’m still working at the same job I was working at, and I’m happy there, though it can be demanding and I have to be careful not to overwork myself.

In the end, I did manage to come back to the game and finish a mission. Not only that, but I played more missions, and that was a real "omg I can do it" moment. And the more I play, the more I want to talk about it. So there you have it, I hope I can come back and just try to enjoy myself in a chill way. I don't know how long, we'll see. I think time has helped me, at least, to look at things differently. I don't want to feel any type of obligation. I want to do things for fun because it's fun, and let that be enough.

It’s been so long, the fandom has probably changed a lot. Some people might be gone. I’ll reintroduce myself one way or another, but right now I’ll just find stuff I like to reblog and talk about all the ideas that come to mind. Bear with me if it has been said recently or so many times before. I just feel like starting all over again and I missed a lot of posts. My memory isn't what it's used to be either tbh...

Finally, I hope you’re all doing well. Thank you to the people who sent me messages. One person wrote that they missed me. I don’t know who they are, it was anon, but that really moved me, because I really did miss this community and all the discussions we had. I also miss, as always, Dustie who has been gone for a while now.

Anyway. Thank you.

[typewritingyip]

The Arcturus Missions

Part Twelve - Oddities

Part Eleven

———

Intergalactic news was fairly upkept, they might not have a 24 hour news channel or two, but they certainly kept the vast community in the know as much as they could. Yet, the universe is a vast place and there were many inhabited planets, planetoids, and space stations, so news did travel but it certainly no longer travels fast to the edges. 

Closures of Cybertronian space bridges were very notable, travel was now significantly longer and unauthorized bridges were far more common than they had been in centuries past. Smuggling was on the up-tick and the intergalactic council certainly wanted answers. 

The answers they got certainly were not the ones that they did want however. Quickly shutting down most connections with both Cybertron and Quintessa while they still could.

Civilizations prayed, others rioted, and several set about to prepare their own planets for invasion. Some pitied the unprepared and others anticipated their downfalls.

Everything kept moving and turning, eventually everyone adjusted to life as it was. 

—

Slowly, one by one, they each climbed from their suits anxiously. Sunstreaker had re-secured his helmet and visor which effectively closed him off, Sideswipe chose to remove his completely and fuss with his hair, Breakdown had gotten out and perched himself on his own mechs shoulder while Hound was the last one out and nearly fell straight to the floor. 

It was the first time in over two weeks they hadn’t been in a space shuttle or their mech suit and the evidence was apparent to Jazz, “Jeez, you all look terrible.” Hound pulled his visor away from his face, blinking slowly and struggling slightly with the orientation of it all. Everything was so much bigger when you weren’t in a suit, “Prowler set up the refresher with a spot for us to wash up, go ahead and take turns or whatever you all need to do.” Footsteps almost shook the room as Prowl moved over and had a seat, shifting Jazz to his shoulder with a practiced ease as he seemingly pulled a tablet from no-where. 

“Oh, I’m showering first.” Sunstreaker was already backing up towards the door Jazz had gestured to, “Like hell you are.” Sideswipe just missed tackling his brother as he took off through the opening door, “Damnit, get back here!” Once he was able to get back to his feet, he ran straight into the now closed door and banged on it for a second before sinking to the floor, “God, even millions of miles from home he’s insufferable,” “I heard that!” Sunstreaker’s muffled voice was still incredibly loud, “You were supposed to, you asshole.” With a sigh, Sideswipe pushes off the ground and walks away from the door, starting to wander, “Whose place is this anyway?” He scratched at his stubble covered jaw.

Jazz leaned forward slightly, “Technically, mine, but Prowler gets the most use out of it. He spends more time in Iacon than I do and this place is much closer to central than his place.” He leaned against the side of Prowl’s head, finally removing his own helmet and brushing a hand lightly through his hair. Prowl didn’t seem phased by any of this, focused entirely on his tablet, Hound nodded slowly and lowered himself to the floor uneasily; “Yeah, so this is the free apartment you just get for fighting the aliens from hell?” Jazz chuckles lightly, “Guess so.” It was all confusing and concerning in a way, Hound really couldn’t understand.

Glancing around, the space was huge but it was made to fit mechs not people. Hound had to keep reminding himself that they were the only people around. 

Taking a breath, Hound cleared his throat almost painfully, “So, why don’t you spend a ton of time in Iacon?” The word felt so foreign to him, almost getting stuck in his throat, “Cause the Prime asked me to fight the Quints. Hound, our suits were designed for this fight, we were designed for this fight. These guys, they weren’t.” Jazz activates the magnates in his boots and gloves, lowering himself down Prowl with a practiced ease, everything he seemed to do around Prowl had so much ease, “You agreed to stay.” “I agreed to stay because I can see you plan to, part of our mission was to find and recover you.” Hound takes a breath, starting to pace, “And they said they’ll launch our relay satellite which means at least the potential of communication with home.” Jazz froze once he was on the floor, staring, “You have a relay satellite?” “Yes, of course. It’s on the Odyssey.” Hound glanced back and paused, staring at Jazz and remembering why pilot selection had been so selective on who was compatible with the one way trip.

Nodding slightly, Hound pulls at his assistant suit briefly before sighing, “Ricochet is doing good.” Jazz seemed to deflate, sinking to the floor, Hound remembers Rico had a similar reaction when the connection had been lost all that time ago. It was hard, losing one friend and watching the other fall apart because of it, “Focused on the job, you know?” With a bit of a nod, Jazz leaned against Prowl’s leg, closing his eyes. Hound nodded again before turning away to give him some privacy. It was a lot to take in. All of this was a lot. 

—

The shower had been hot and the clothes were familiar as their assistant suits were being decontaminated inside their mechs, clearing the cockpits of foreign bodies and bacteria, it was a normal procedure that was usually done by clean up crews back home but they’d redesigned the suits to do it themselves for this mission. Jazz was still grumbling about it.

Hound was now sitting on the table in the center of the room, on a rug while Sideswipe continued to run what could best be described as a towel over his hair. Sunstreaker was pacing around the edge of the table, trying to get a good view of the room and Breakdown was actively tracking the location of the Odyssey. The sun that Cybertron orbited was already starting to go down when they were all clean and their suits decontaminating, “The shuttle is only a few klicks from here, so it’s likely they moved it last night or while we were on the transport here.” Breakdown was scrutinizing the screen, “Don’t worry about your ship, you’ll have access to it tomorrow.” Jazz was back up on Prowl’s shoulder, he too having showered and changed into entirely unfamiliar attire.

”Our food is on the shuttle, so are our clothes and other things.” Sideswipe finishes, sort of lamely, still rubbing at his hair with the not-towel and frowning deeply as it wasn’t getting any drier, “Don’t worry too much about that, I said I’ve got a garden.” Hound tilted his head slightly, “Here?” “Yeah, UV lamps and all.” Jazz taps the side of Prowl’s head and says something that they didn’t understand without the suits before Prowl got up. The floor shook lightly as he walked, sending the table shaking under the weight, “Oh god, I hate this.” Sunstreaker quickly plastered himself to the surface of the table, it shaking again as a door across the room opened and closed behind the pair.

Hound sighs slowly and rubs his face, “Alright, is it just me or is Jazz not worried about what we're worried about?” “Oh is he not? I didn’t notice.” Sideswipe leans his head against his hand and Breakdown nods a bit, scratching his jaw lightly, “He’s been here longer than we have and he didn’t have a shuttle full of supplies. He had to rely on those around him much faster.” With a huff, Hound shakes his head and stands, “He is crawling all over an alien like its normal,” “It could be normal for him, you never know.” Sunstreaker shrugs slightly, tugging at his hair a bit. It was frustrating, “Are we just supposed to accept the weird situation we’ve been thrown into then? Or are we actually going to do something about this.” Breakdown looks over, “We cannot recover the Odyssey without them and we can’t get the satellite pointed towards Earth without them either. We give it time, we try to adapt.” Hound took a breath and let it out, they were meant to be able to adapt.

With a slight shudder, a door across the apartment opened and Prowl came back through with Jazz still on his shoulder, who was holding a bin full of weird space plants. With a worried look, Hound patted at his pocket lightly for the protein bar he’d grabbed from his cockpit. Whatever this garden was, he wasn’t looking forward to the vibrantly colored things in Jazz’s grasp, “Alright, lunch, sort of.” He’s lowered to the table and sets the bin down, taking out several things, “Some of this stuff needs to be cooked, so we’ll save that for later.” Sunstreaker turned a little green and leaned towards his brother, “You know how I was shitting on the protein bars?” He kept his voice very quiet, “Yeah Sunny.” Sunstreaker nodded slowly, “I regret that now.” With a pat to his back, Sideswipe nodded, staring at a giant purple something.

Jazz smiled and lifted something neon green, “This, this tastes like, and I’m not joking. Like ice cream, but with the texture of beef jerky, it’s insane.” Sunstreaker dry heaved and Sideswipe turned away, gagging. Hound stared at Jazz like he’d grown a second head, “Is it good?” Jazz paused, “Not really, but it’s high in protein and some vitamins.” With a quick movement, Hound pulled the protein bar from his pocket and threw it right at Jazz’s face.

It hit dead on, smacking Jazz in the nose.

A moment ticked past, then another, before Jazz picked it up off the floor, “We’ll supplement the supplies we have on the Odyssey with the best of the food from your garden. We’ll eat the perishable stuff first, then save the non-perishables for missions.” Hound was speaking through grit teeth, his own stomach turning lightly at the weird sounding food. Breakdown was going through the box and pulls out something the size of a grapefruit that was brown and smooth on the outside, “What’s this?” He turns the sphere over in his hands lightly, Jazz looks over, still lightly holding the protein bar, “Ah, that is what I call green raspberries, the outside has to turn brown and hard before it’s ripe. Here.” Jazz was quick to pull a knife and gently take the strange fruit, before striking it and cracking it much like a coconut. 

Small green pea looking things fell out as he carefully held one hand out to Breakdown then the other to Hound. Staring at it, both men took it uneasily, the green was much more fluorescent then peas were, “It tastes like raspberries. Trust me. It’s got the same vitamins in it too.” Breakdown was the first to crack, even as Sunstreaker dry heaved again, pouring some into his hand and popping them into his mouth. Cringing, he slows it slowly, “It melts.” “Yeah, you get used to it.” Hound shifted slightly, still holding his, “Does it taste like raspberries?” He almost didn’t want the answer, but Breakdown was already getting his second handful, nods, so with a deep breath, Hound follows the older man's lead.

It did taste like raspberries and melted in your mouth like cotton candy, it almost felt refreshing like a drink. Smiling a bit, he looks to Jazz, “Alright, what other weird things do you have then?” Jazz grinned and picked up a giant squash looking thing which was dark purple, “You steam this and it cracks open, it has rice inside. Not literal rice, but it tastes and has the same texture as it. It’s a fantastic base.” Then he went on, lifting things up and showing it off as they all finally sat back down. Though Sunstreaker’s dry heaving continued over certain things such as the thing that looked like a literal lufa tasting like beef. 

They might not adapt well, but they would adapt.

—

By the time they were able to get back into their suits, several odd alien foods had been tried and enjoyed, though Sunstreaker had refused several and ate half of Jazz’s protein bar. In all honesty, they should be headed to sleep, to get the rest they would need, but there was too much to do. Check on the Odyssey and ensure their secret remained just that, a secret, as well as get the relay launched. There was supposedly a shuttle who would carry it up on his way out off the planet, or so Prowl had said.

When they hit the street, Bluestreak and Smokescreen returned to walk with them, clearly their guards even if they were being asked to be here. Mechanicals may look alike but they were from a different planet and were a different type of mechanical than the others. Hound was walking with Jazz, as the twins were talking the Prowl look alikes ears off, he sighed slightly as he looked around, “How did you get used to this? All of this?” He kept the general comm off, only using his external speakers, Jazz smiles a bit in the corner of his visual feed, “I had to survive. Adapt and survive. It’s the name of the game Hound.” Nodding slightly, Hound takes a breath, “I know, but there is a drastic difference in fighting aliens than working with ones.” He could tell Jazz was smirking without even looking, “These ones are a lot more like us then those ones. Sure, they're big and stuff, but look.” He gestures to the twins, who’d already mandated to drape themselves over who he thought was Bluestreak, “You get used to it. The suits for us, their a second skin. You can’t tell me you don’t feel more like yourself in your suit than out now, not after all this time.” 

Hound looked at Jazz, biting his lip before nodding and looking away, “When I’m not in it, I feel like, like,” “Like you’re not really yourself, that you’re missing something.” His hand comes down to rest on Hound’s shoulder, “We all know the feeling Hound. You’ll get used to it, working with these guys. Their soldiers like you were and some things about that just don’t change. They all take orders and follow the guidelines where they can and where they can’t,” Hound smiles a bit, “They make them up as they go along.” They shared a look, smiling at each other over the visual feed before looking back towards the front of the group and the streets of Iacon. 

Adapt to survive, come to understand who you were working with and work through the culture shock of it all. He may never be to where Jazz is, comfortable with using his magnets to crawl all over another mech, but he could certainly adjust to work with another army. A unit to work with, his team and those his team trusted, nodding a bit, he grins wickedly. A unit of those he thought were trustworthy and his team, some of the best pilots to ever use a suit were around him with some of the highest Quint kill counts out there, it wouldn’t take long at all. 

———

A/N

Wow, that took a minute. I meant to have this out yesterday, but I was still working on it at 10:30 last night. So I pushed it to this afternoon so I could have part of the next chapter finished before posting. 

I can’t believe I’ve written 12 parts of this, technically 13 with Arcturus Two now that I’m thinking about it. 

I’m living for all the tags in re-blogs and the comments, they truly are keeping me motivated in this. 

Next part might have a bit of a time skip, as I planned to do for this part, but I wanted to wrap up the whole apartment thing before going on to the fight and stuff. 

It won’t be that long of a skip and I will reference back to things that happened “off screen” I just have a hard time writing the awkward moments. Tense moments, I’m good, awkward, not so much. 

I really hope you’re all enjoying this as much as I am. 

Tags!

@lunarlei68 @whirlywhirlygig @loop-hole-319 @pixillandjester @alek-the-witch @not-a-moose-in-disguise @goddessofwind8water @neurologicalglitch @dersereblogger @pixel-transformers @mrcrayonofdoom @wireplaces @twilightfreefaller @original-blog-name-2 @devilangel657 @robbin-u @childofprimus @miniartistme @starwold @tea-enthusiasm @valeexpris606 @celticdoggo @bird599 @agentsquirrelsgotrobots @aquaioart @dimencreasatlas @thatwandercat

And once again thank you to @keferon for this amazing AU

[redistrictgirl]

RFK Jr.’s Autism Rhetoric Makes No One Healthy

Many terrible things have happened over the past 87 days (and counting). The global economy has been kneecapped, healthcare has been stripped away from vulnerable populations domestically and abroad, dissenters have been kidnapped and disappeared, and massive security breaches in our national infrastructure are now commonplace. Yet somehow, nothing has pushed my buttons quite like Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s claims on Wednesday that autism is an epidemic that “destroys families and more importantly… destroys our greatest resource, our children.” Of course, this fearmongering is primarily intended for use as a cudgel in the Trump administration’s campaign to discredit vaccines, but the pure inhumanity of the remarks on autism itself should not be lost and could easily spiral into discriminatory or genocidal activity in the context of a reactionary and authoritarian government.

I would be remiss to approach this topic without discussing my own perspective on it. As you may have guessed if you followed my election coverage last year, I am autistic myself. Doctors in the early 2000s told my parents to expect that I would never live an independent lifestyle. However, thanks to rapid and strong interventions as well as sacrifice from my entire support network (not least of all myself as a young child!), I was in fact able to develop healthy speech, social skills, and general life skills. I maintain a full-time job and livelihood that most of my neurotypical peers find challenging to achieve while remaining unabashedly myself. I inspired my mother to become a behavior analyst, for crying out loud.

With all this in mind, my resentment towards antivaxxer depictions of autism should be fairly clear - they fail to depict my experience and erase the work I and others put in throughout my life as a pipe dream. I’m not trying to be a feel-good inspiration, but my experience is real and my remaining needs shouldn’t be ignored because my life isn’t as bad as it “should be.” Of course, the picture here is broader than my own experience, and that’s where Mr. Kennedy’s epidemic claims frighten me most.

It is true that most autistic people struggle to hold jobs and “go out on a date”, as the Secretary claims. Profoundly autistic people also may not engage in most everyday activities the same way neurotypical people do. But in the context of the Trump administration as a whole, these talking points are chilling. One of the most frightening statements was slipped in alongside these cherry-picked observations: “These are kids who will never pay taxes.”

Let’s ignore the infantilization in the choice of words for a moment. The implication of “never pay taxes” is that autistic people take up more economic resources more than they contribute. The Republican Party has laser-focused its economic messaging over the past 45 years on personal responsibility and self-sufficiency. We now have a GOP official in an administration that regularly introduces new barriers to healthcare and withdraws health-related foreign aid complaining that autistic people don’t help the national budget. If this rhetoric continues, discrimination against the neurodivergent community in healthcare could very well be emboldened as a “cost-saving” measure. Profoundly autistic people could lose their lifelines as they are regarded as dead weight on the budget. More fortunate individuals might simply be viewed as lazy “welfare monarchs” who should never be provided aid to overcome their disability, a common intersectional attack on marginalized groups.

And here’s the kicker - regardless of whether or not an autistic person pays taxes, has a job, or “writes a poem” (another bizarre point from Mr. Kennedy), they have worth by virtue of being a person. If life is worth living (and I think most people without depression would agree on that front), we should encourage life itself no matter how it touches the government’s budget or whether it checks all the boxes we expect a life to have. And I’m sorry, Secretary - your dramatic griping about autism on Wednesday doesn’t make any lives healthy, and not just because of the malaria and measles you inexplicably support. It will “destroy” more than autism ever could.

[spnfanficpond]

New Member Spotlight for May 2025

The Pond is always growing, and we want to make our new members feel welcome! Here’s a list of recent additions to our fishy family and a little info about them!

Guppies, Jellies, and Mutuals, oh, my!

Caplan - she/her, @caplanscastiel (also @caplansbuckybarnes), East Coast USA

Other SM names? - castielscaplan on AO3 and Discord

OTP? - Dean/Benny, Dean/Arthur, Destiel

Other fandoms? - Stranger Things (not entirely active right now, though), and I’m working on getting back into Mortal Kombat and Harry Potter!

Looking for in the Pond? - Friends, moots, people to share my writing with.

Pairings you read? - All, for the most part, tbh

Genres you read? - All, mostly angst though tbh

What do you like to write? - Angst, fluff, vampire au, mafia au

Masterlist!

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - I’ve been wanting to possibly write more multi-chapter fics, but I’m so stubborn and have a habit of only writing one-shots lol because I lack ideas.

Kotias - she/her, @kotias, Europe

Other SM names? - Kotias on AO3 and Discord

OTP? - Destiel

Other fandoms? - I'm in too many 🤣 my current most active ones: Good Omens, Deadpool & Wolverine, One Piece, Dragon Ball

Looking for in the Pond? - I'm mainly looking for a community. The SPN fandom isn't one that I've ever been super involved in, despite being in it for the past 15 years; I've always been looking more from the sidelines. I would like to change that, and get to know a few more people from the fandom ❤️

Something to signal boost? - In SPN, not necessarily, but all fandoms considered, I am currently in the posting phase of a huge collab fic project that took a year to finish, with 90+ people involved!! If you're into Good Omens, I recommend giving The Serpent and the Owl a try ❤️

Pairings you read? - I'm mainly a Destiel enjoyer! I do like seeing references to Dean/Benny, because I do believe those two had a one-year fling in Purgatory, but generally speaking, I will be going for Destiel.

Genres you read? - Angst, fluff and smut. I'm a lover of hurt/comfort, but my favourite trope in fanfic is a coffee shop AU! To that, I will add that I have a very soft spot for one character trope in fiction: the curse of being immortal. The way immortality twists morality as it comes with too much loss for a single soul is absolutely fascinating to me and I love exploring it.

Favorite writer(s)? - @bragginball-z - both on AO3 and Tumblr!

What do you like to write? - My comfort zone is romantic and emotional angst. I love writing fics that involve this type of idea; the painful pining is delicious to write. I also love writing fluff so sweet it rots your teeth.

Masterlist!

Most underappreciated fic? - It's a dead dove, very very angsty, and in Good Omens. The plot is basically: Crowley provoked the black plague as per Hell's orders. He hated every second of it. It's dark, it's a difficult read, but I poured my soul into it ❤️

Something you haven't written but would like to try? Why not? How can we help? - Generally speaking, if I want to try something, I have probably tried it, as I have almost 20 years of experience. Writing in SPN is fairly new to me, so I might need a bit of help honing down on the characterisations, especially in my dialogues, but overall I'm mainly interested in being with people, and in helping younger writers out 😁

That’s all for this month, folks! (If we’re missing anyone, let us know and we’ll add them to next month’s list!) Make sure to say hi to the newbies and make them feel welcome! Thanks to all from @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @heavenssexiestangel, @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes, @walkingaline, @xpurdyglambertx, and @manawhaat!

[cripplecharacters]

I really enjoyed the post you reblogged about how disabled people still have communities, especially in the modern day. But what if you’re not writing a story set in the present day? What if you’re writing fanfiction for a universe that is set way behind ours, and doesn’t appear to have any real communities for disabled people? I want to write a story about the founding of the first community for disabled people in that world. But how would you found something like that? I’m considering them going to the ruler of the land, who is invisibly disabled. But what should the steps be from there? Where should they meet, and what kind of accessibility concerns do I need to think about? I know about ramps for wheelchairs and lights that can be dimmed for autistic people, but what else? What would the community do? Would it just be social, or would it do activism?

Hi! So:

Depending on how your world is already built is when you would determine what changes or accommodations your characters would want to build or improve. For example, a medieval-technology-level world where no one builds stairs anyway is already accessible in that way for wheelchair users, even if it's far behind us technologically.

Community is often social, yes, but when communities, even social-based ones, need help or justice (with laws, with accommodations, or anything else), they often turn to activism to get their needs met.

For example: communities with d/Deaf people often develop sign languages. If the number of deaf people is high enough, maybe even hearing people will commonly use sign language. Sign language will be necessary for deaf people to communicate, especially in a world with no hearing aids. But the community could later develop to activism: ensuring there's interpreters available, or that information is presented in formats other than just audio format, like captions and transcripts.

As to accessibility concerns: think about common disabilities, and how those need to be accommodated. You've mentioned ramps and dimmable lights. I'll comment on those first, then add a bit

Ramps for wheelchairs: A pretty big one, and very necessary. But how about accessible doorways? Wheelchairs are usually wider than people. How about accessible seating that ensures a person can transfer into it or sit with their wheelchair? Bathrooms that can fit a wheelchair, and maybe a carer as well?

Dimmable lights: These can be helpful for autistic people, yes. But I'd love it if you consider something else as well: conflicting access needs. Many visually impaired people, for one, will need lights to make the most out of their remaining vision. This is hard to solve sometimes because just like in real life, things are not universal. The solution might be sunglasses for the person sensitive to light, or maybe the person who needs more light gets an extra light source.

Blindness and deafness are both very common disabilities worldwide today, and will likely be common in your world too, and would need to be accommodated. How about interpreters or transcripts? Braille or another tactile alphabet? Intellectual disability and cognitive impairments (permanent and temporary) are very common too. How about easy to read documents with clear information as opposed to jargon, if your setting uses documents? How about encouraging asking questions, or having someone take notes? How about trying to use clear language as often as possible?

Many disabled people need breaks often, whether that's physical or mental. How about areas where they can do that? How about just the acceptance that this is needed? Many disabled people need carers, too, whether this is all the time or only occasionally. How about ensuring these carers are available and well-compensated from their work? How about people making sure these carers treat the disabled person they care for fairly? How about ensuring a disabled person can bring their carer along to something, whether it's a social event or an informational event or what have you?

This is not an exhaustive list and could never be, because various people have differing needs and it depends on the needs of the people in your community. Something that helps someone might hinder someone, and in life it is a balance. What would help is if everyone is able to advocate for their needs, and the community and those who interact with them can figure out how to best fit those needs.

You will have a lot to think about, and keep in mind that disabilities are immensely varied and there's so many of them with and without overlap.

- Mod Sparrow

Hey!

Some of the ways that disability communities could - and have - formed, are heavily influenced by what's going on in the world.

In pre-modern times, disabled people would eventually end up together because resources to treat or care for us weren't readily available. That means that disability communities would form at hospitals, or areas where many people rapidly became sick or wounded for one reason or another. This can happen quickly, and it could be the case that what is now the disabled community of the region used to be just the community of ABC City before river blindness became a problem.

If someone became (or was born) disabled, and there was One Place around you where this person could receive care, they would visit there sooner or later. Assuming this happens often enough, a community will form.

For accessibility, it really depends on the type of community it is. If it's supposed to be extremely diverse, you will have a ton of things to consider - wheelchair users, little people, blind people, Deaf people, autistic people, intellectually disabled people, people who require 24/7 care... It will be a lot to think about.

If it's a community where everyone (or the big majority) has similar needs, then there's a high chance that only their needs would be considered. Disabled people, like most people, think of themselves first - if the community is, for example, primarily autistic, they might not consider the needs of DeafBlind people much or at all. That's what happens in real life, unfortunately. In a scenario where a person tries to join that community and finds it inaccessible, a second, different community would form. And it could go on like this for more or less forever.

Would it just be social, or would it do activism?

Both, probably. Communities start as social, but over time, as they grow, activism is needed. The focus changes as the community "matures". But they will always be parts that are purely social, and parts that are ready to fight for their rights by any means necessary. It's just the ratio of these two that shifts.

I hope this helps,

mod Sasza

[the-curse-of-neoclones]

Moderneopets Artist Mistreatment

Edit as of 11/16/23 10:40 AM NST:

Removed names where I failed to do so before. I'm very sorry to the affected parties, this snowballed so far out of my intended scope.

Edit as of 11/16/23 5:30 PM NST

Please see this post for a small update.

As of 11/16/23 10:10 PM NST, Hazer the site owner has formally and publicly apologized to myself and Velu, the other affected artist. As far as I'm concerned he has officially handled the situation as best as he could, and I hold no further qualms with Moderneopets. I hope to hear of its management continuing in this direction.

The following post is left up for archival purposes only.

*****

Hello, I’m wren. I'm an artist responsible for some of the pet assets on the neoclone, Moderneopets. I'm just going to get into it.

Hazer was extremely lucky to somehow cultivate a dense group of largely professional artists to work together to make assets for his site. When it comes to his own management as a site runner, he’s largely hands-off of the art department, which is a good thing! If he can’t be active in the art panel enough to know what goes on in there, he shouldn’t be running it— we have many strong, capable artists on the team who are passionate about recreating the neopets style, who work together on every pet that has been released ever since critique became a requirement. 

It makes sense that, with a project this large, Hazer should have to designate moderators to enforce rules when he is absent. Choosing to bring on moderators was also a good decision. Unfortunately, he chose poorly. 

Art panel issues should have separate Art panel moderators to take care of them. People who are not overburdened with generic moderation duties from the many other channels of the server, for example. In the same vein, artists should not be moderators. When an artist has an issue with another artist, who happens to be a moderator (which has happened many times, with many people— If the mods actually open threads for all complaints they receive, they should have evidence of this & if they don’t they are not being truthful), the artist would likely not feel comfortable approaching that same artist-slash-moderator to complain about what happened. It breeds an aura of fear and discomfort any time there is an issue with an artist/mod, and that is why the two moderators on the team should have to choose one or the other if hazer wants to cultivate a healthy atmosphere in his panel. 

I’ve created many pets for this website. Neopets has been a passion of mine since the third grade. I’m also one of those professional artists I mentioned— my work is also art, industry or otherwise. I care about breaking neopets down into their core, recognizable shapes. I care about keeping them on-model and in the spirit of the original TNT art team, with improvements made where I and the other panelists think they make sense. I have redlined for other artists to an even greater degree, just as other artists have redlined for me and helped me finalize each pet into something simply good: something that made sense to get put on a little passion project website for other people with a similar passion to enjoy. I found the panel to be a community of likeminded artists with which to discuss our favorite childhood petsite while we made art for a clone, as if we could pretend we were making art for neopets-dot-com. It was nice. 

It wasn’t perfect, though. In fact, shortly after I joined in 2021 I took a hiatus because the art panel was fairly dead. I came back a little while later to see we had several new species, as well as an art director, and lots of activity! That was very exciting. Over the next year I would reach out to the panel or, if nobody was sure of how to proceed, I would reach out to the art director to propose ideas for how to make the panel a little more functional; quality of life updates, if you will. I don’t take credit for all of these alone, there were other artists with similar ideas all communicating to the director in private, but some examples: 

A designated “collab” zone where artists could seek out other artists to complete pets with. 

“The Purge,” in which the team was whittled down to ~25 current, active artists to refresh the team and allow for new artists to join. 

“The Approval System,” which I first sat down with in my workshop (public to all artists) to hammer out the details with as many other artists as wanted to give their input— a method for pitching new ideas to eventually break through the “new species/color freeze” that had been plaguing us.

Speaking on the approval system: like most things that required Hazer’s direct input in the art team, it was left without response for a very long time. Artists with ideas for custom species or colors would occasionally murmur about their excitement for the system to get a look-over by hazer, to see if our approval system pitch would be approved. But hazer is busy, as we all know, and the pitch sat for a while. We had new & returning artists on the team to keep everyone busy. 

What I would expect from a years-old panel of artists, when new additions arrive, would be some manner of tutorial. New artists would need to know the pipeline (here’s your workshop, you can post WIPs and anything else in there; here’s how you ping for critique, here are the spaces in which to ask for it; make sure you always ping before your work is submitted on-site), and there would likely be some acclimating on both sides. What I did not expect (but should have), was pushback from new artists on things that hadn’t had pushback in a long time. Why can’t [x] color be a posechange? Well, we’ve created many already and none of them were posechanges. Why can’t I use colored lineart? Well, that isn’t in line with the style standards set by this color; see, nobody else is coloring their lineart. 

Suddenly there was a divide between veteran artists, the director, and the new blood. The divide felt greater when Hazer came to his new artist’s aid to say, approximately: “Eh, if someone wants to go above and beyond and make better art, they shouldn’t have to adhere to the guidelines.” Then he threw the art director under the bus for not somehow knowing that his intentions were always to keep the panel loose and unstructured. But don’t worry, that isn’t the first bus and won’t be the last.

My personal investment in the panel waned around that time. I think a structured “work” environment with easily accessible rules and deadlines is necessary to any project of this size. If we didn’t want to enforce color standards, nor prioritize certain colors for release, and anyone could just submit whatever Nice Art they wanted, why not open it up so any user could submit pet art? Why have a panel at all? Isn’t Hazer taking any opportunity to dunk on Leopets because he wants his site to be better? How is this different? 

But I stuck around. This was a hobby I really enjoyed, after all, and I really believed it could get better. It had a good core, and despite my grievances with individual artists, none of them were bad people. 

But I noticed some trends. New artists would receive feedback that they didn’t agree with and retaliate by bringing in their emotions or personal preferences. Any disagreement where multiple veteran artists stepped in to say their piece would escalate to the point of very long messages on both sides, and would need to be left to hazer to give a final input. Often he didn’t come around to it, because he’s busy, as we know. I didn’t step in to every argument; they became cyclical after a while, and I didn’t have the time or energy to spend simply tapping the proverbial sign (or style sheet). I would try to give positive suggestions when I could, for example: I don’t think this color needs another alt for just one single design, but we did talk about eventually making this color that your design would fit into really well. 

I’ve done my time having arguments on the internet. I really just want an art environment where the rules are set and people actually enjoy following them, because I do— I see art rules as helpful guidelines at best and obstacles to cleverly navigate at worst, which is still fun. But of course not everyone is going to feel the same way, that’s normal; that’s life. 

On 11/9 I was given this message by Hazer: 

It reads:

Hello wren,

I am reaching out to you today to inform you that effective immediately you are being dismissed from the Artist and Consultant Panels. This decision has been reached through discussions and based on repeated offences in the form of user harassment and subjecting the panels to a toxic atmosphere, after multiple reports and concerns brought up to us by other users.

While we understand concerns regarding panel management, there is a distinct difference between criticising and condeming the way the panel does things and criticising and condeming users that are on the panel, and we believe this line has been crossed one too many times, further supported by concerns brought to us.

We appreciate the passion and drive of our team—all of them—and we understand you have been very passionate about the panel. Given some of the messages we see, we have also concluded that due to things in the panel not working out as you have wished, it has caused you much stress and upset as well, which we do not want. All in all, we've decided that the atmosphere of the panel and your own enjoyment of the website are hampered by your presence on it. Because of this, we have decided it is best to have you part ways with the staff sections of the website.

Effective immediately after this message, we will be permanently removing you from the panels. While normally we do a temporary removal, in this case we've seen that your compatability with our management and handling of the panel will not improve, and it will just bring stress to both sides.

We understand you have put a lot of passion into the projects you have been working on for release in Moderneopets, and in lieu of that, we offer you the option of having the project(s) still be released even after dismissal. Rewards will still be granted for releases per usual, and credit will still be given. If you decide, due to dismissal, you do not want your unreleased work to be released on Moderneopets, simply state it as such, and we will discard all progress on projects you have been working on to respect those wishes.

This decision is final and will not be revoked.

Best wishes to you,

The Moderneopets Team

[end caption]

My response:

It reads: 

No warnings huh?

[end caption]

Hazer didn’t have an answer for me. I was already removed from the panel. 

This came as a shock. I’d been there for over two years, I felt I had a good rapport with the other artists, I felt I’d been a helpful and active addition to the team. Like I said, I’ve done my time having arguments on the internet… what toxic behavior? Discussions over style guides? Giving redlines to people with permission? Working with the whole team to bolster several new color releases? I had an entire species that Hazer wanted ready to go since March— I just pushed through the Swamp Gas release, I just created the Mystical alt? 

No warnings?

Let me reiterate: I have never been spoken to by any staff about my behavior. Hazer, his then-four moderators— none of them have ever been in my DMs to issue a warning. I have spoken TO the mods about others’ behaviors, and nothing ever came of it. The one time (and I mention this for full transparency only) the art director came to talk to me about something I said, it was stated clearly that it was not a warning, and even so I adjusted my behavior around said issue accordingly. And that was well before the purge. 

But, don’t take my word for it. Here it is from hazer himself, speaking over his mods who were busy telling the rest of the panel that they always issue warnings: 

It reads:

No in this case I do agree that this has been an abrupt situation and I understand the blind-sided-ness of it. No official warnings were given out regarding the actions that resulted in the removal of artists today and that’s on fault of myself and deebs not working things out properly despite the moderation team bringing issues to a us a few times – also due to our lack of availability recently.  [end caption]

So… What happened? Well… here it is from Hazer, in longform: 

For those who use screen readers, above are several enormous discord screenshots; I've placed it in a paste bin here: https://pastebin.com/dHLiBRTF

Two other artists immediately stepped down. Hazer admits here in his message that he and the mods had multiple tickets opened about my behavior, that they had known they wanted to remove me. They never gave a warning, never talked to me until the moment of my dismissal, but they had known it was coming for months? 

Why did Hazer and his gang of mods let me continue working on art for their panel? Why did they let me work so hard to pull Swamp Gas together for an official release? Why did they let me put together a whole custom Alt and workshop it for so long? I’ve been active this whole time. Why did you let me keep working if you knew you wanted me gone? 

I am a professional artist. My work is art. Hazer made the knowing decision to exploit my time and effort for his website. He’s not paying me, he’s not paying any of us. It’s volunteer work. But I did not volunteer to be mistreated like this. To not even be given a chance to defend myself. To him, artists are disposable. To him, if someone has worked on your team for years but speaks up when your friend tries to overturn the system, even civil discussion is cause for disposal. Civil discussion negates years of effort, passion, time and care. 

I didn’t have to make art for you, Hazer. And you don’t deserve the team you have. How many artists have voiced their discomfort with your actions? How many artists are taking a break from the panel because of how you handled this? Ah, wait, you wouldn’t know… you’re busy. 

Hazer and his mod team are just another corrupt group of individuals unfortunately heading what could have been a fun and promising petsite. Everyone who speaks praise of modneo does it by and large because of the new and unique art. Hazer was extremely lucky to cultivate a dense group of largely professional artists to work together to make assets for his site. 

If Hazer wants to show any sign of his potential to be a better person, I believe he needs to formally apologize to his site for the misuse of his power and the mistreatment and exploitation of artists on his team. He needs to apologize to you, the players of his game, the subscribers to his patreon, for allowing this to happen under his watch and under his word. You know you fucked up, hazer. You shouldn’t have sided with your friend without any actual evidence of misconduct. You shouldn’t have spoken about me like I was a toxic, subhuman hindrance to your art team. You shouldn’t have treated me like that. I didn’t deserve it. None of us did. You can apologize to me and the other lost artists publicly.

[writing-for-life]

I know I don’t need to do this, but I'll do it anyway since I’m more of a community person than a “I’m just on here to talk to myself”-one:

My blog has gotten a lot of engagement over the past week, for obvious reasons. Lots of asks, comments on (and questions about) even years-old meta etc. And I’m so glad you’re all here and talk to me, so I’ll also take this as an opportunity to say hi 👋🏻

I’m not a shipper and my blog is probably much smaller than those ones, but it still gets enough engagement to turn it into a lot for me here and there, even during quieter times. And the past week decidedly hasn’t been quiet, and I know many of you are still waiting for replies etc.

Since this isn't my job (honestly, I wish it were 🤣), I'm trying to manage this blog in a way that's doable and sane for me, that includes liberally following/unfollowing, blocking/unblocking (9/10, both is nothing personal and just me trying to curate my dash and staying on top of things) and not spending more than the time I set myself on here. And the problem about writing meta and engaging with the deeper questions is that it takes more time and work than the occasional shitpost I also quite like to put out into the world.

So if it takes longer to get back to you right now, or if I even forget, no bad intentions. I try to filter the important stuff and also engage most with what interests me and brings me the most joy because at the end of the day, I'm also doing this for myself. It’s a lot either way, and things probably will slip through, but I will hopefully get there eventually. It’s just that I’m only on here at designated times and the rest goes through my queue, and there is a fairly busy life somewhere that doesn’t involve the Sandman.

Again, I know I don't have to say this, but I'm not particularly good with giving people the impression I'm ignoring them (for personal reasons™️), unless I actively choose to for my own sanity. So I'll say it anyway 🤣

Much love to you all 🖤

[hyakinthou-naos]

Mourning Lost Culture

PREFACE: This is a post about my experiences with culture loss and cultural mourning, as a white American. This is a reflection of my own experience and feelings - and is in no way meant to dismiss or overshadow the cultural loss experienced by those at the hands of colonialism, imperialism, and forced assimilation.

This post is in no way meant to equate my own experience with that of those in cultural diasporas, forced to leave their countries and cultures behind against their wills. I can never and will never understand that grief or trauma.

Before posting about my experience with culture loss, I wanted to first acknowledge those who are suffering in ways I cannot begin to understand 🙏🏻

Also fair warning, this is going to be a long post on mobile.

My mother’s family is very into genealogy and family history; I was raised knowing her family came from northern Italy, and learning the individual and family names of many of my recent ancestors. For a long time this was fascinating to me, but as I grew older - and my relationship with my biological family disintegrated - I found I cared less and less for my Italian heritage.

In addition to the trauma I faced at the hands of my modern day relatives, all of my families Italian cultural ties were rooted so deeply in Roman Catholicism (a faith tradition I strongly reject) in ways I couldn’t, and still can’t, meaningfully separate. So I went through life, and for the most part continue to go through life, being acutely aware of my own lack of cultural identity. My father’s side of my ancestry had been in the Virginia/Tennessee area since the 1600s - but aside from a handful of common phrases and local slang, I wasn’t raised in southern culture. And despite the deep reverence and appreciation I know have for the Appalachian Mountains, I can’t even claim that small piece of culture. Except for proximity, my family has no ties to Appalachian culture.

For years I’ve accepted this as my lot in life - a white American with no culture or ethnic heritage - but not without grief. I longed for culture, for community, for a history I felt connected to; but despite my searching, culture never felt within my reach.

Recently, however, I learned of my great, great grandmother - Theresa Vavra. Growing up I heard nothing about her, knew nothing about her, and had never even heard her name. This is upsetting to me, because I did grow up knowing and hearing her husband’s name (Spartaco Castiglioni). Theresa, though she immigrated to the US in adulthood, was born in Slovakia - and we have records of over 4 generations of her ancestry, all Slovakian.

This has made me deeply upset for a multitude of reasons. The first of which being my mother’s family has always been extremely vocal about our Italian ancestry - to the point (as I am now aware) of actively erasing the other countries and cultures we come from. The second of which being, from an ancestral perspective, a fairly large chunk of my ancestry is Slovakian - a culture I know nothing about and a history I wasn’t aware of until my mid-twenties. There is an entire culture/cultural heritage/cultural tradition that I have been, and will forever be, deprived and disconnected from - all because my mother’s family chose to prioritize Italian heritage above all else. The final point that makes all of this so upsetting for me - is that I look like her (Theresa). I have her nose, her eyes - even her smile. This woman whose name I never knew, but whose blood I carry, looks just like me before I transitioned.

At the end of the day, I can try to learn about Slovakian/Slavic paganism - I can learn more about the culture and heritage of my ancestors - but this culture isn’t mine anymore. I’m too far removed from it and too American - it isn’t mine to claim anymore. My family erased this culture that could’ve been a part of me, in favor of assimilation and digestibility. And maybe it sounds silly to others - but I am actively grieving this loss I never knew I had until now.

Left photo is my great great grandmother (presumably sometime in the 1920s) - right photo is of me (circa 2013/2014)

[theresattrpgforthat]

This might be a long winded question, but for a while I’ve brainstorming on and off ideas for a TTRPG system based on those stories about “secret worlds where you have different abilities when you enter them” (Persona, Deltarune, Omori, more I’m sure), and I was thinking “there’s gotta be an RPG for that”, so like… is there? Is there an RPG where you enter a secret world to influence and help things in the real world? Or enter a secret world and develop special abilities when you do?

THEME: Alternate Worlds

Hello there! The Persona series is one I'm tangentially familiar with, so I've mostly got games that list it or The World Ends With You in their references. I've noticed that the PbtA community (and its siblings) really seems to like this genre.

Heartbeats in Perfect Sync, by Nathan Blades.

In your city, there’s an otherworldly force that lurks in the hearts of many: The Pulse. Feeding on negative emotions, they’ll devour everything… if not for a group of ordinary people with a mysterious app installed on their phones. Activate the app and you’ll be bestowed with a weapon that can purge the Pulse, but opening your heart can be dangerous…

Heartbeats in Perfect Sync is a tabletop RPG inspired by the shounen battle aesthetic in games like The World Ends With You, Kingdom Hearts and Under Night In-Birth. Play as a group of ordinary people who fight monsters with ridiculously over-the-top weapons.

Character creation in this game looks to be wonderfully simple. You fill in a ad-lib style sentence with information about your job, your weapon, and your fighting style. You pick a special move, and mark your Heart Rate, which marks your emotions. Your Heart Rate can grow or shrink, but get too close to either end of the spectrum, and your character becomes a dark version of themselves, super-powered and extremely cool-looking. If you like dramatic moments and rule-of-cool fight scenes, this game is for you.

The Midnight Generation, by Five Points Games.

The Midnight Generation is a rules hack for Masks: A New Generation by Magpie Games inspired by the Shin Megami Tensei: Persona series of JRPGs. Take the role of teenagers thrust into mystery and conflict. Explore the cognitive landscape of The Midnight World, the realm made by the collective unconscious of humanity and the distortions that arise when people retreat from reality. Take control of powerful Facades, spiritual manifestations of one's true self to battle powerful Shadows, willful manifestations of human emotions and to overcome the trials set forth in The Midnight Generation!

If you are a fan of MASKS, but want to use the original rules in an alternate setting, The Midnight Generation might be worth looking at. This book is fairly comprehensive - it comes with guidance on how to create the people, places, and other elements necessary to play in a Persona-like universe, as well as a city you can pick up and use with little extra effort. Another thing I really appreciate about this supplement is the addition of 10 playbooks that communicate the themes and struggles of Persona characters, including the Icon, who is masking their true self from the world around them, and the Shadow, how was born in the other world from the emotions of mankind.

Vibe Check, by Ostrichmonkey Games. (@ostrichmonkey-games)

Vibe Check is an illuminated by LUMEN tabletop role-playing game for 3-6 players.  Players take on the roles of Players in the Watcher's Game - a week long challenge with the prize being another shot at life, while another player takes on the role of the Game's Master to introduce complications and consequences the Players must overcome as they fight to survive the Watcher's Game. 

Vibe Check features LUMEN's fast paced dice pool system, tailored for action filled combat and paired with plenty of powers and cool abilities. Fight the Pandemonium within the Inversion to earn new Tokens and rewards. Upgrade and buy more powerful gear. Survive the Watcher's Game. 

Inspired by The World Ends With You, Vibe Check places your players in a high-stakes afterlife competition to become alive again. As members of the afterlife, you’ll receive special abilities attached to your archetypes. For example, the Cryptic archetype had an ability called False Gnosis, which allows them to state something and roll to see if what they said was true. Your character’s looks are also important to determining their stats, with each Look belonging to a Brand. Do you have an entire set of clothes bought from Antiquity’s Glance? Now you can carry more things on your person.

If you like games with moddable upgrades and simple (but rewarding) combat, then Vibe Check is for you.

Eidolon: Become Your Best Self, by Reveal Your Master Plan.

EIDOLON: Become Your Best Self is a Powered by the Apocalypse RPG in which your character gains the power of an Eidolon, a physical manifestation of their soul that reflects their truest, innermost self and grants them incredible reality-defying powers! With the help of their friends, they'll fight against the pressure of the Undertow, the shadowy flow of collective psychic energy that imprisons society in an untenable status quo.

While this is a PbtA game, Eidolon has a battle system that uses a mechanic called “crashes”. Every blow that you land will escalate the fight, with victory becoming less and less likely the longer the fight draws out. This requires creativity and teamwork to overcome, drawing from your collective resources to save the day.

If you want to hear this game in action, the designers have an Eidolon Playtest podcast where they play through various seasons of Eidolon.

Shifters, by Moonlit Bard.

You are a Shifter, someone who can step from our world into the Major World beyond to do battle with sentient emotions and compulsions known as Forms.

Forms can be malevolent spirits inciting violence, landscapes saturated with desire, objects that seethe with chaos and discord, or anthropomorphic personifications of envy. No matter their appearance, they spell disaster for our world, and only you can stop them.

There’s not much info I have for this game, other than that it’s in demo form and is currently a one-page RPG. However, if you’re interested in games where emotions have power in an alternate world and so far nothing on the list here is speaking to you, this might give you something light enough to hack to your heart’s desire.

Stand Up, by Elena Murphy.

Stand Up is a Belonging Outside Belonging game about rebellion, forming bonds, fighting injustice, and changing the world.

Take on the roles of normal people with the capability to become heroes, explore a fantastical world that houses mankind’s inner feelings, and find a way to fight back using power only you can wield.

If you are a big fan of the Persona series, this game is for you. Collaboratively build a hidden world, called The Reversal, formed from the perceptions and feelings of humanity. Choose from a set of seven playbooks, all named after tarot cards. Bind your characters together, and then determine your Setting Elements.

Because this is a Belonging Outside Belonging game, Stand Up has no GM. Instead, it has setting elements that are picked up and played by players whose characters are not active in any given scene. This keeps the entire table engaged in the story even when their character isn’t involved, and lightens the burdens of GM-ing while giving everyone an equal chance to contribute to the story. If you enjoy story-games and a lot of control over when your character succeeds or fails, Stand Up is worth checking out.

Voidheart Symphony, by UFO Press.

There’s a wound in the world, a rot eating at hope and community and empathy. You’ve seen it in dark alleyways and gleaming boardrooms, gifting terrible power to those who will use it to hurt others.

You’ve had enough. You’re going to dive through that wound into the nightmare castle on the other side. You’re going to find the avatar of the one bringing you misery, and strike them down.

But what’s next, once you’ve stolen their power and ruined their ambitions? Will you return to your daily grind? Cherish those who are close to you? Or revel in the power you have taken from the void? Because within that wound, the castle waits, and it is hungry.

Voidheart Symphony is a tabletop roleplaying game about mundane people diving into a demon-filled labyrinth to save the ones they love. Based on Apocalypse World and Rhapsody of Blood, it’ll fill your story with dramatic choices and dynamic action. The World and the Void will both offer you their power, and make their own demands. How will you strike that balance? What will your revolution fight for? That’s your story to tell.

This is probably one of the darkest games on this list. With an alternate world that is meant to trap your characters and pit them against demons all the while, this is a game about rebellion in the face of little to no hope. I’ve heard a lot about this game in a number of different circles - it is well-loved and well-played. If you want to take a look at some pieces of this game before you buy, the Itch page includes free playbooks and reference sheets, as well as a link to a Google Sheets Character Keeper!

[a99jazzybean]

Can I please request some Beverly (Date Everything) x butch lesbian!reader fluff?

I really hope I did reader justice! Thank you for the request!

On the House

synop: You decided to go into a new bar, meeting the beautiful ginger bartender. The two of you grow fonder of each other, throwing flirty comments left and right. You're an active member in your LGBTQ community and eventually, you find a way to help both her and yourself. You gain a space for a voting watch party, and she gains more customers!

words: 3.8K

includes: Beverlyxbutch lesbian!reader, alcohol, fluff, politics, kissing

a/n: I liked writing this a lot. I hope you enjoy! Let me know your thoughts!

Sprinkles of rain patter around you as you make your way downtown. Puddles pool in the scattered potholes on the road, reflecting the streetlight’s glow in the dark. For the typical hustle and bustle of the city it’s oddly calm. There’s still some people loitering around various businesses, but the crowds you expect are nowhere to be found. 

Shrugging, you smile to yourself. Taking a moment to enjoy the temporary calm. 

You continue down the road, no destination planned for the night. Somehow, you knew you would find somewhere to be. That’s how it tends to go. Wandering around, then ending up in a bar or club of some variety. Finding a way to enjoy your night. 

Out of the corner of your eye you spot a neon sign you hadn’t seen before. In bright yellow, words spell out “The Bar Cart”. You try to recall the last business that was in the building. Likely a restaurant. That’s right, it was a pizza place. Attempting to capitalize on the college students in the area. However, it opened in the middle of summer. Ultimately shutting their doors a few weeks in. 

It was nice seeing a new business pop up. Thankfully choosing a better time to set up shop. 

Making your way across the street, you avoided the various puddles. When you reached the door you could hear some guitar music coming from the bar. Pushing in, you were met with a fairly cozy sight for a bar. The space was lit with a warm glow. Instead of a typical set up, a hodgepodge of different tables and chairs were on the floor. Many clearly thrifted. You liked it. 

Inside there were about three other people. All of them sitting at a table playing a board game. Making your way to the bar you were greeted by the most gorgeous woman you had ever seen. Just her smile toward you had your cheeks flaring red. 

Beautiful red hair and stunning emerald eyes had your mouth slightly agape. 

Realizing you had been staring, you shook yourself out of it. 

“Welcome to the Bar Cart! What can I getcha?” Her sweet voice rang into your ears. Of course she also sounded gorgeous. 

“Jack and Coke?” You asked, voice cracking. 

From her presence alone you were feeling nervous. Why? You’ve seen plenty of beautiful women before. Even easily bedded them… This was different though, and you couldn’t place your finger on it. 

“You sure that’s all you want?” Her green eyes sparkled with intrigue. Begging you to ask for something else. 

“I’m not really too fancy.” You chuckled awkwardly. “Do you have something you want to make?” 

The sparkle in her eyes grew along with her smile. 

“Of course!” 

She immediately turned around. Pulling out various liquor bottles. Humming to herself, she fills a shaker with ice then pours the alcohol. She shakes the mixture for a few seconds, then pulls out a glass. With precision she pours the drink. When she is done, she slides it over to you. 

“Tada!” She looked down at the glass. “Wait! Actually…” She looked around her. 

Spotting an old receipt, she folded it into a paper plane. Delicately, she set it on the side of the glass. 

“Now… Tada!” She motioned to the drink. 

It was a pinkish orange color and smelled of citrus. Raising the glass to her, you took a sip. Fairly sweet, but just bitter enough. Smacking your lips in satisfaction, you gave her a smile. 

“That’s pretty good! What is it?” 

“Thank you! It’s a Paper Plane.” 

“Well thank you…” You paused for her to say her name. 

“Oh! It’s Beverly.”

You raised an interested brow at her. 

“I know, kinda ironic considering my job. I just like to think it was a destiny thing.” She shrugged with a smile. “What about you, stranger? Got a name?” 

You gave her your name. She said it back to you, making your cheeks flare up. Oh, you could get used to her saying your name. 

“I like it.” She said, not helping the blush on your face. 

“Thanks.” You took another sip of the drink, hoping the alcohol burning down your throat would give you a bit more liquid courage. 

“So you normally come to bars alone, or is tonight an exception?” She gave you a playful grin. 

Fuck it, you could play along too. 

“Are you asking if I’m single?” You quirked a brow as you took another sip of your drink. 

“I don’t know, do you want me to be?” 

Shrugging nonchalantly, you gave her a smirk of your own. One that had her feeling butterflies. 

“Potentially.” 

Stretching out, you let out a yawn. Checking your watch you realized it was a bit later than you expected. Time flies fast when you’re having fun. 

“How much do I owe ya?” You asked, pulling out your wallet. 

She waved you off with a light scoff. 

“No need. It’s on the house.”

“You sure?” You asked while pulling out some cash. 

“Of course! You let me make whatever I want!” She gave you a bright smile that had your heart swelling. 

You placed some cash in a tip jar, the action making her light up.

“Should I keep letting you do what you want then?” You teased. 

“Potentially.” She gave you another dazzling smile. 

It was a week later when you decided to stop by again. This time after a meeting with your local queer coalition. You had recalled seeing some pride flags at the bar and felt like you had gained another space for your community, so you urged your friends to join you. Plus, having a wingman wouldn’t hurt, right?  

“Oooh, this place is… unique?” Lux took a quick look around the bar. A discontent look on their face. 

No matter, you had a feeling it wouldn’t be quite to their tastes. However, you preferred not paying a $20 cover charge for a gay bar full of only straight chicks. Not really your scene, or anyone you knew for that matter. 

“I think it’s cute. Homey.” Betty said with a small smile on her face. 

She took in the space, her gaze landing on a ginger bartender. Nudging your side she leaned her head in the bar’s direction. 

“And is this our fiery haired siren you’ve spoken so kindly about?” She teased. 

Shaking your head, you let out an airy chuckle. Looking at the bar you see Beverly spot you and your group. That sweet smile on her face as she recognized you.

“Wondered when you were gonna turn up again, stranger.” She gave you a wink. 

“Ooh… stranger.” Betty teased quietly. 

You could feel red burning on your cheeks. This was not a reaction you were quite used to. Typically you were the one making others blush. While it was new, it wasn’t necessarily unpleasant. A nice change of pace, you concluded.

“Got anything special for me today?” You ask, giving her the reins once more. 

Tapping her chin, Beverly thought of a drink. 

“You seem like the type that enjoys bitter. Am I right?” She looked at you expectantly.

“Mmm, typically, I’d say. From you, I’ll take anything.” You felt pride fill your chest as you spotted a blush dusting her cheeks. 

“I’ll get something made up for you then!” She practically squeaked, still reeling a bit from your blatant flirting. 

“Smooth.” Betty was back in your ear. 

“You know, I could do without the additional commentary.” You chuckled.

Betty took a seat at the bar, chin propped on her hand. She looked you over with a smile.

“I thought you said you wanted a wing-man?” 

“I suppose I did.” You conceded, joining her at the bar. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Beverly watched the two of you interact. Feeling a bubble of jealousy in her stomach. It seemed like you were close. Clearly joking with one another, but why did it matter? This was your second time meeting each other. 

However, Beverly couldn’t doubt the immediate spark she felt when engaging with you the first time. Perhaps she had just been single for too long, but even then… this felt different. She couldn’t deny something about you was drawing her in, and she wasn’t particularly upset about that. 

Quickly, Beverly put together your drink. Straining it into a coupe glass before handing it over. Your fingers brushing as you take the drink from her. A spark shooting straight up your arm to your heart at the brief touch. 

“Um, a whiskey sour. Hope you enjoy!” She smiled sheepishly. 

Bringing the drink to your lips, you felt Beverly’s eyes on you. Seemingly hoping for approval for her drink. Approval that you gave her with a hum of content. 

“It’s very good, thank you!” You said.

“No, thank you! I don’t get many customers asking for my opinion.” She let out an awkward chuckle. “Or many customers in general.” 

“Really?” You ask, looking around the space. You guess it was pretty dead for a Friday night. 

“Well, you’ve got at least one regular.” You gave her a grin.

Her eyes sparkled at your words. 

“Really?”

“Of course, not everyday that I get a cute bartender that makes me something new.” 

Her face turned red at the compliment. 

“Well, it’s not everyday that I get a sexy leather clad person in my bar.” She bit her lip, nervously. Hoping that her compliment equally flustered you.

It did. Leaving you open mouthed, and very red in the face. 

“Now, can I get you anything?” She turned to Betty. 

Betty had a huge grin on her face after seeing the interaction between you and Beverly. Who needed to see some live entertainment when this scene just played out in front of her. Someone should’ve brought popcorn. 

“Um, espresso martini, please.” She told Beverly, who gave her a nod. 

As she made the drink, Betty turned to you with a wide eyed gaze. She placed a hand on your shoulder and shook it. 

“Look at you go! Sexy and leather clad.” She flipped at the collar of your bomber jacket. 

“I’m sure my gramps would love that his old jacket is still pickin’ up chicks.” You chuckled, sipping on your drink. 

“If it’s making your dating life this easy, I might have to borrow it!” 

“Yeah, that’s not happening.” You clutched the jacket to yourself. “I don’t need its luck rubbing off.”

Crossing her arms, Betty gave you a faux pout. You didn’t budge. Rolling her eyes, she let out a dramatic sigh.

“Speaking of dating life…” You trailed, hoping she would finish.

“Ugh, it’s miserable.” She sighed. 

“Are we talking about Betty’s dating life? Because, woof.” Lux had returned. 

“Where did you run off to?” You raised a questioning brow at them. 

“I needed to let folks know about the up and coming bar that I discovered in our town! I’m a trendsetter, obvi.” They waved you off. “Now, let’s get back to the dumpster fire that is our Betty’s love life!” They gave a cheery wiggle of their hands. 

“Haven’t you heard enough?” Betty groaned. 

“Yes, but our dear friend hasn’t. And while I am amazing, and have a fabulous track record. Their love life has seemed more stable than most.” Lux beamed at you.

“I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment.” You huffed. 

“You should. Because it is! Your dating life seems incredibly blah to moi, but… you seem to have your shit together.” 

“Fair enough.” Lux did have a point.

While you were a stereotypical butch, your dating life had been pleasantly non-stereotypical. All of your relationships ending somewhat amicably, minus the ones in high school. But those don’t really count. 

“What’s going on, Betty?” You place your hand on her back, giving it a comforting rub.

“I don’t know. It just seems like no matter where I look, I will never find ‘the one’.” She used her fingers as quotes. 

Ah, this again. Betty had an interesting outlook on love to say the least. Feeling as if she needed to find “her person”. Now you felt like you were going to have to give her your usual “that shit doesn’t matter speech.” However, this time you had the assistance of one very cute bartender. 

“Not to intrude.” Beverly was back with Betty’s drink. “I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about your love-life.”

“More like lack of one.” Lux said, to which Betty shot him a glare. 

“Please, continue.” She looked up at Beverly expectantly. Betty would take any advice at this point. 

“I have a question. If you don’t mind.” Betty waved for her to continue. “Have you ever felt the spark? Like you just click with someone?” Beverly looked at you in the corner of her eye, making your heart jolt.

Betty thought for a moment. Taking a sip of her drink, she hummed with delight. 

“Now that I’m thinking about it, I guess I haven’t.” She took another sip. “By the way, this is absolutely delicious.” 

“Thank you. Now, why do you think you haven’t?” She raised a brow at Betty.

“I don’t know.” Betty looked down, then back up quickly. As if she just had an epiphany. “Or maybe that’s why.”

Beverly smiled knowingly at her.

“I need to figure out what I want.” She nodded to herself.

You stared between Beverly and Betty, dumbfounded. Years! Literally years! You had explained this to her for years, and all it took was some sage words from a bartender? 

Lifting your glass to Beverly, you downed the rest of the drink. Damn, you could get used to ordering more from her. Truly, you could get used to more of her.

“Congratulations on the breakthrough.” You chided Betty.

“Thank you! It feels good!” She gave you a bright smile, then her eyes darted over to Beverly. The bartender was staring at you. 

“You know what, I think Lux and I will go chill in that corner booth over there.” Betty wrapped an arm around Lux, who pouted.

“What? I was gonna order-”

“I can bring it to ya!” Beverly chimed in.

“Oh wonderful. I’ll take another of those espresso martinis, thaaaaanks!” 

You were left alone at the bar with Beverly as she went to work on the drink. After she brought it over, she returned in front of you. 

“Sooo… your friends seem fun.” She smiled politely.

“It’s okay, I know they’re a lot. But they are fun too.” You glanced over at the two, now deep in conversation.

“How’d you meet? You seem to have quite different personalities.”

“We’re a part of the local queer coalition. Group of LGBTQ plus folks and allies. Lux, Betty, and I are on the executive board.” 

“Wow, you seem pretty involved then.” You could see that sparkle in her emerald eyes again.

“I suppose. I guess I never had anything like it growing up, so if I can help the new generation of youngin’s, I will.” You shrugged nonchalantly. It wasn’t really your speed to brag about the work you were doing. 

“I find that pretty admirable.” Her words had your heart swelling. 

“Well, enough about me. What about you? Why start a new bar in town?” You ask, leaning your chin on your hand.

“It’s actually the fourth bar I’ve tried running…” She bit her lip. 

“Really?” That had your eyes widening. 

“Yeah.” She let out a sad sigh. “Really.” 

“How’d you manage to do that?” You awkwardly attempted to continue the conversation.

“First I tried opening a bar in my small town, then tried running my grandfather’s bar, then tried the next town over, and now I’m here. Attempting to get this thing going in a college town.” She looked around the mostly empty bar in sadness. “As you can see, it’s not going too well.” 

“Would you like some help?” An idea popped into your head.

“I mean, I guess, but how could you help?” 

You gave her a big grin, bouncing in your seat. This could kill two birds with one stone for you!

“So, the president of our organization is actually running for mayor in the upcoming election.” Beverly’s eyebrows lifted with curiosity, she motioned for you to go on. “And we’re looking for a spot to hold the voting watch party that’s coming up in a few weeks. It’s gonna be a pretty big crowd, and I know the folks will love what you’ve got going on here.” You motioned to your friends, now deep in conversation. Glasses empty.

“How many people are we talking?” She was fully engaged now, practically bouncing on her toes. 

“At least fifty, likely more.” That had Beverly’s eyes widening. 

“Fifty… I don’t know if I could handle that on my own.”

“I’ll help.” You said without hesitation.

She gave you a questioning look.

“Pro bono, you don’t have to worry about a thing. Just give us the space, drinks, and three televisions that can connect to the local news stations.” 

Tapping her chin, she thought on the plan for a moment. Nodding to herself, she smiled. An outstretched hand greeted you, which you took. Both of you feeling that spark once more. 

“You’ve got yourself a deal.”

Throughout the next few weeks you joined Beverly at the bar. Learning how to mix various cocktails as you prepared for the watch party. 

“So Ceilia, she sounds pretty cool.” Beverly attempted to start conversation as you helped her clean up the bar. 

Pausing your mopping, you looked up at her. 

“She’s amazing. Seriously, one of the greatest people I ever met.” You leaned on the mop, gazing up. “She’s been a mentor for me. Huge inspiration.”

“How exactly has she inspired you?”

You let out an airy huff. 

“She’s our town’s queer history. Literally heading so many civil rights movements. Super about intersectionality. No matter what, she’s never stopped fighting. I’m honestly surprised it took her this long to get into the political sphere.”

“She sounds pretty inspiring.” Beverly gave you a smile, loving your passion. 

“She is.”

“Do you know why she chose to run now?” It probably wasn’t the best look, but being new in town, Beverly had no idea about local politics. Might as well learn from someone close to that circle. 

“Her opponent, Burt Assley.” You groaned at the thought of the man. “His name is fitting. He’s literal scum, and currently a city councilman. He’s tried to get so many bullshit ordinances passed. Thankfully the majority of city council is on our side, but if he became mayor...” You shook your head.

“Do you think Celia has a chance?” The thought of this Burt guy had Beverly shivering with disgust.

“Yeah. Polls are looking in her favor right now, but it’s a really tight race. Same thing for the other city council seats. So much for a ‘progressive college town’…” You let out a frustrated huff, then shook yourself out of it. 

You returned to mopping, you and Beverly working in a comfortable silence. When you were finished, you gazed over the clean bar with a fulfilling sense of accomplishment. 

“Thanks for all your help.” Beverly said.

She looked exhausted. Her normal chipper attitude now duller as bags hung under her eyes. 

“Of course. Anytime.” You gave her a smile, and she gave you a tired one back. “Let’s get you home, yeah?” 

She nodded with a yawn. 

After locking up, you walked the few blocks to her apartment building. When you arrived, the two of you stood at the entrance awkwardly. Rubbing your neck, you decided to take your leave. 

“Well, have a goodnight!” You looked away from her, biting your lip nervously.

“Thanks, you too. And seriously, thanks for the help.” She gave you a sweet smile. 

Before you could turn to walk to your place, Beverly enveloped you in a tight hug. You stood surprised for a moment, then wrapped your arms around her. Appreciating the warmth radiating off of her. The two of you stood there for a moment, enjoying each other’s embrace. It felt… right. 

When you pulled away, you could see her green gaze sparkling with adoration. She gave you a quick kiss on the cheek, then sprinted to the entrance doors. Waving, she gave a farewell. 

“Goodnight! Sweet dreams!”

When she exited your view, you turned to walk home. Your hand rubbed your cheek where she kissed you. Feeling the remnants of a spark, you smiled brightly.

The night had arrived, as you had predicted Beverly’s little bar was packed. On the walls, three televisions were playing the local stations. Votes were continuing to come in as polling places prepared to close within the hour. 

You and Beverly were busy behind the bar. Mixing dozens of cocktails to give to various voters and campaign volunteers. Celia offered the first round on her, the grace of the woman was unmatched. People were buzzing with adrenaline as they waited for votes to come in. Chatting both you and Beverly up as you worked the bar. They were also leaving very generous tips, much appreciated. 

“Thank you for getting this set up again.” Celia had returned to the bar with a soft smile. 

“It was nothing, thanks for agreeing to come here.” You returned a smile of your own.

Behind her a cameraman from one of the local stations was recording. It was a bit awkward, but you knew it was to be expected. It was the biggest election in your city, so the news had to be there. 

“Polling places have closed!” Celia’s wife Florence walked over, typing furiously on her phone.

Celia gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, love.” She sucked in a breath, preparing for the results. “It’ll at least be another hour before we get anything.” 

Looking up at one of the televisions, you saw that the numbers were fairly close. So far Celia was in the lead with 39 percent of the vote. Crossing your fingers, you hoped your city wasn’t going backwards. 

After an hour, the news broadcasts were calling the races. 

“With 65 percent of the vote, Celia Stipple has won the mayor race.” 

A large cheer erupted from the crowd in the bar. You spotted Betty and Lux embrace and jump around. Lux then immediately pulled out their phone to take a selfie with the results. 

Next to you, Beverly gave a loud whoop. Catching your gaze, she embraced you. Both of you blushed at the sudden action. Her eyes darted to your lips then back to your eyes. Fuck it, she thought before pressing her lips against yours. Your eyes widened, then shut. Your hand cupping her cheek as you reciprocated the kiss. 

“Hell yeah, get it, sister!” Lux popped by the bar, a smug grin on their face. 

You blushed as you pulled away from the kiss. Beverly had red painting her own cheeks. 

“S-sorry! I was just so excited that we won!” 

Cupping her face, you pressed another kiss to her lips.

“No need to apologize. We definitely won.” You kissed her again, feeling your heart flutter. 

When you pulled away, Beverly turned to the bar. Adrenaline pumping through her veins. 

“In honor of this win, next round of drinks are on the house!” 

[hplonesomeart]

So I started spontaneously reading The Property of Hate at 3:25am Easter Morning (don’t ask) and have thus far reached page 322 (Chapter 17: Chiaroscuro) and I gotta say—it’s REAL GOOD. Even greater than good. The artwork is WILDLY polished and has a dynamic flow between sequence of events (with so much background & stylistic diversity that makes every setting and character feel uniquely represented. Completely enhancing the tone of a panel using intense color changes or various unexpected brush strokes. You can TELL there was a lot of intentionality placed into the story structure and visual framing). Reading this takes me back to my initial enjoyment of discovering Gigi Dg’s webcomic Cucumber Quest all those years ago. For a long while, Cucumber Quest was the only webcomic I actively praised since it managed to drawn me into the world & willingly binge read for hours on end. After that point I kinda lost interest in reading comics/graphic novels because nothing could top that experience for me. UNTIL NOW IT SEEMS???

Dunno why I was so apprehensive about checking it out beforehand (been seeing this RGB T.V guy floating around on Tumblr looong before us Mr. Puzzle peeps even made visual companions between the two. Actually, I’m fairly certain I recognize the author modmad/Sarah Jolley from my days in the A Hat in Time community? Funny how my interests continue to overlap like that—I could genuinely construct an elaborate red string theorizing board out of it). I think someone just needed to pitch the premise to me better, so I could get a clear sense of the silly character banter and wholesome evolution of the relationship dynamics. I’m the type of person who kinda needs to get spoiled ahead of time in order to be motived to check something out lmao

It’s essentially (semi-spoiler synopsis for first three chapters): “a T.V guy reluctantly becomes a guardian figure to a little girl he brought into this unusual world. The child takes up to role as ‘the hero’ in the narrative, while RGB’s role/motives/history remains secretive for a while. The world itself is based on clever symbolism around human behaviors & emotions; like how creatures known as ‘lies’ start small but grow with time, and ‘doubt’ can swallow you whole when there’s multiple. Every character has a unique way of speaking—not only in word choices but also with the illustrated text bubbles. Also pretty art/backgrounds yum”

Anyways would never guess how many extra screenshots I’ve collected of T.V men in the span of a singular day jskjsksp. Love the color scheme changes on the suit very tempted to draw (and yes there’s lore explanation for it)

This is all just a random personal update from me! Wanted to investigate the other T.V guy, can now official say I’ve collected expansive lore on all the dapper T.V head dudes within modern media. They are proven to be the objectively best characters around. This is fact since I did research which means it’s true :33