#I’m fairly active in many communities

[oscillatingdichotomy]

Gender is, unfortunately, something we contend with, and women do face discrimination much more then men. Gender shouldn’t be relevant but it is, but that doesn’t mean sex-specific experiences aren’t relevant. Is ridicule and harassment I’ve faced in the workplace not relevant because I’m not a woman? In terms of feminism, sure, but I still advocate for equality between the sexes and for those who don’t fit that system. Sex and gender-based discrimination are one of many reasons someone may get treated more poorly, including being seen as an outsider for not aligning to gender norms. Trans women often identify as that rather than just women possibly because there is a difference and they’re trying to exist outside of the binary rather than reinforcing it. Forcing someone to be on one side with no ability to switch rather than have their own category reinforces it as well.

I’m not transsexual not transgender, but I know many people who are, and it seems that their identities are typically more strongly tied into body dysmorphia of the sex organs than anything else. The gender-related interests often just follow or are the first sign of something being wrong, as those tend to develop before sex organs.

It’s definitely true that sex affects medical care, and it’s very interesting to hear that about intersex individuals, although some brief digging showed this:

One part says that intersex individuals can have some XX chromosomes and some XY, and says that this shows sex as either being on a spectrum or having a sort of ‘other’ category, rather than all intersex people being identifiable as one or the other - some even may appear as one sex on the outside but have the anatomy of the other sex on the inside. This all means that medical care affected by sex is complex, and when someone is born one sex and takes measures to change their sex organs to resemble a different sex (not become it - I think the reason gender is used for transgender individuals is specifically because sex can’t actually be changed, but as I said it doesn’t make sense to force someone to stick within a binary system that they don’t fit into simply because trying to align with who they are reinforces that system when they’re actually outside of it) they absolutely need to disclose that to medical professionals in order to receive the correct care - but hormone therapy does change the body to better align with the sex characteristics of the felt gender and changes medical care from what the born state of the body might need.

Finally, every trans (trans man and trans woman) and non-binary person I know is a huge advocate for women’s rights and supports a cause that doesn’t necessarily affect them but many biological women oppose transgenderism because they believe it threatens feminism. The real opposition is those who believe women are not equal, and that surely is not trans people.

[gabrielleragusi]

For Artists: My Experience with Commission Platforms and Illustration Agencies

Hi there! I’ve been wanting to compile a list of commission platforms that I’ve personally used for the longest time, and I finally did it! I’ve highlighted the still-active commission platforms in bold and struck those that don't exist anymore so you can jump to the sections that interest you without needing to read my entire story.

Let me start by briefly introducing myself.

I’m Gabrielle, a fantasy illustrator. Since 2014, I’ve been working on book covers and illustrations for publishers, authors, and book subscription boxes. Early on, work wasn’t as frequent as it is now. I had to search for opportunities myself, and even small private commissions were important for building my portfolio and earning some money, which I’d spend on materials, books, and online courses. Like many other artists, I started out by trying my luck with the biggest art community available at the time.

DeviantArt

2009-2018

Once upon a time, there was a virtual haven called DeviantArt. To my teenage self, it was a magical place. I signed up in 2009 and thought I’d never leave!

At first, I created an account just to share my work and learn. I didn’t even think about commissions for four or five years. But when that first inquiry finally landed in my inbox, things took off! My mum swears she remembers my excitement when I got my first commission, but for some reason, I’ve completely forgotten about it. I can't remember what it was or how much it paid. It might have been a portrait of a fantasy character.

Commissions on DeviantArt were fairly frequent, especially considering my cheap prices at the time. I used to offer discounts and post my rates in my DeviantArt journal, or in Commission groups that featured artists either monthly or weekly. After checking out my profile, a client could simply send me a private message and from there, we’d discuss payment, deadlines, and other details, and the platform didn’t take any fees, much like how ArtStation works today. Everything happened through private messages or email, with direct contact between artist and client.

The downside of this process was that there was no dispute resolution system on the platform. I had to handle all issues myself, and unfortunately, problems did arise sometimes: there were clients changing their minds about commissions, asking for refunds after work was delivered, refusing to pay, or just ghosting me. These issues didn’t happen because clients were evil, but rather because I was inexperienced and allowed some to take advantage of my naivety.

However, all that frustration helped me develop my commission process through trial and error (mostly error). And despite the challenges, I can say with satisfaction that most of the commissions I received through my DeviantArt profile were positive experiences.

DeviantArt eventually introduced a commission feature for Core (Premium) users, which came with a platform fee, but I didn’t use it much, and I’m not sure if it still exists.

The real beauty of dA, though, was the connections I made. I was able to meet people, both artists and clients, that I’m still in contact with today, and some of whom I still collaborate with.

I closed my account in 2018 or 2019, but by that time, I hadn’t really used it for a couple of years. The new user interface was a bit of a turn-off for me. I had always loved the geeky, and dare I say cozy, look of the old green and grey aesthetic, with its customisable panels that you could move around and personalise with HTML code... But I digress.

Artists and Clients

2013-2016

While taking small commissions on DeviantArt, I discovered Artists & Clients. It was a nice platform for clients to get things like their D&D characters or groups illustrated for relatively cheap. I think my highest price was $50 for a single character portrait, with the platform taking a 15% cut. I used it for about two or three years before the platform started to change.

As more artists with hentai art styles flooded in, the homepage shifted, and so did the clientele. There’s nothing wrong with drawing naked anime girls, of course, but you can understand that if a client is looking for a fantasy, semi-realistic painting of their female orc character, or a realistic portrait of their spouse, it's more than likely that they won't bother sifting through a sea of anime girls to find the style they want, imagining it isn't here. Let's just say that, at the time, the website took a definite direction that wasn't in line with my genre, but this direction didn't make the different, more realistic art styles stand out either.

Soon, commissions slowed down for me, so I closed my account, but by then I was already working elsewhere.

That said, this platform could still be a useful tool if you’re looking to take on smaller commissions.

DreamUp

2014-2015

DreamUp wasn’t an AI generator back then. It was actually a subsidiary of DeviantArt, where clients could post projects and artists could apply. It was a competitive platform that offered well-paid work–very well-paid. I remember seeing jobs posted that ranged from $300 to $1,200. DreamUp was a very professional platform for clients with a mid to high budget.

I believe I landed my very first book cover commission through this website when I was in my last year of high school. I remember getting the job and going to school the next morning, excited to share the news with my classmates. Everyone was super thrilled for me (we were a really close-knit class!), and I felt like I was walking on air.

Unfortunately, as far as I know, that book was never released, but it didn’t matter because I was moving forward, and fast.

I’m not sure when DreamUp was shut down, but I do know that DeviantArt held onto the copyrighted name, assigning it to something so anti-old DreamUp that it still boggles my mind.

ArtCorgi

Now Artistree

2014-2019

When I received an invitation to join ArtCorgi from its founder, I already had a somewhat consistent portfolio. I was painting portraits and fantasy illustrations, and the clients on this platform were looking for both–your typical wedding and pet portraits, as well as book covers, which were what really interested me. To get to the latter, I had to do the former. Over the years, I’ve painted so many realistic portraits that now I have a strict rule for my own sanity not to do them any more. I have great respect for portrait artists, but it’s just not me.

When I first submitted my prices to the person I was in contact with, she kindly suggested that I raise them... a lot. That was a major step forward in my professional career. I went from charging $50 to $100/$200 overnight. And to my surprise, people actually wanted to commission me at those prices!

From 2014 to 2019, I took nearly every commission that came my way. I never spoke directly with the clients; all instructions and feedback went through my point of contact, which helped maintain a level of professionalism, although now that I’m used to working directly with clients, I’m not sure I’d want to go back to having an intermediary.

Sadly, as with all good things, this chapter came to an end. My point of contact eventually left communication in the hands of someone else, and shortly after, the commission fee changed to, I believe, 30%.

Simply put, 30% is an unrealistic cut for a website like this. For an agent that gets you all kinds of big work in the publishing industry, sure, but since this was not the case I had to stop taking commissions. Despite that, my overall experience with ArtCorgi was very positive.

Today, ArtCorgi joined another platform, Artistree. As far as I can tell, Artistree doesn’t take any fees from artists, with clients covering a small cost instead.

Sketchmob (?)

2016-2020

This was probably the platform I used the most. I’ve lost count of how many commissions I received through Sketchmob. Many. Enough to generate a steady income at the time. With reasonable fees and a variety of art styles available, clients contacted me almost daily. Communication was direct between artists and clients, and payments could be split. The review system also worked very well… for a while.

Once I raised my prices, requests became fewer and farther apart. But by then, I was already working with my own clients.

Is this platform still active? Who knows. The website is still up and the chat feature works, but I’ve seen users complain that money available for withdrawal never arrived via PayPal (the only payment method the platform accepted, if I remember correctly). Personally, I wouldn’t risk completing a job through Sketchmob right now, at least not until they release an update.

If you’ve used the platform recently and successfully received payment within the last six months, please let me know, and I’d be happy to update this section!

Upwork

2017-2019

In 2017, I was determined to break into the book publishing industry. After trying out Fiverr and Freelancer.com with no success (the competition was too fierce for someone just starting out), I decided to give Upwork a shot. The platform looked very professional, and while the process sounded a bit complicated, I wanted to land the interesting projects I saw featured in my category. I really wanted to work with a big client… but big clients didn’t seem to want me, despite having the Rising Talent badge.

In two years of bidding for jobs and submitting proposals, I only landed two projects: a small commission from a private client who actually reached out to me, and another project that I bid on.

Don’t get me wrong, I was ecstatic at the time and truly appreciated every opportunity that came my way. But looking back, I can see why Upwork didn’t work out for me. The platform just wasn’t the right fit for my style and niche, which is fantasy illustration. Graphic design, however, was (and still is) in much higher demand.

The commission process on Upwork wasn’t as simple as on other platforms. For instance, at the time, costs were calculated hourly, which was a challenge for someone like me who prefers working with flat fees (having already calculated my average hours spent on an illustration). From what I’ve seen, this has since changed.

One positive aspect of Upwork is its current 10% cut on what artists earn. I don’t recall if this has changed over the years, but 10% is quite reasonable in my experience. Of course, 0% would be even better, but for a platform as large as Upwork, 10% is fair.

Illustration Agency

2019-2021

By 2019, I had built a solid, consistent portfolio thanks to my personal work and commissions. I had a simple website in place, my Instagram following was growing… I was steadily working toward my goal of illustrating covers for big publishers (which didn't happen until two years ago).

So, when an illustration agency reached out to me one day, I was over the moon. I had always heard that artists were the ones who had to approach agencies, not the other way around.

Well, that should have been my first red flag.

I won’t name this agency because, unfortunately, I have nothing positive to say about it. In fact, the word “nothing” perfectly describes my involvement with them. Nothing came of this barely there experience.

The agency invited me to sign up, not on an exclusive basis, but they assured me they’d get me work. That work never came. Once in a while, I’d receive messages saying they were trying to pitch my portfolio to a French publisher or another client, but... nothing.

Please understand that meanwhile I was already working directly with shops and authors, so I don’t believe my portfolio was the problem. The real issue was something I didn’t realise at the time: some agencies do this. They feature talented artists in their catalogue without having actual clients lined up, just to appear more professional and credible to potential clients. Did this strategy work for them? Maybe. I’ll never know.

In 2021, I politely asked them to remove my portfolio from their website, and that was the end of it.

After that, I never actively sought out an agent again. By the time my portfolio was strong enough to approach a serious agency, I just didn’t need representation anymore.

Hireillo

2019-2022

My experience with Hire an Illustrator, or Hireillo, is mixed. At the time, Hireillo was a platform that hosted artists' portfolios, featured artist-submitted news, provided useful articles, resources, and directories of artists and agents. I joined the site hoping to catch the eye of publishers, but I was mostly contacted by authors and one fellow artist for a graphic novel.

Unfortunately, most inquiries didn’t go beyond the first couple of messages due to budget constraints. I did, however, have fun sharing news about my painting process and projects I landed on my own, which were often featured by the website. Additionally, if I had questions about 'complicated' things like copyright, or just needed advice, I could ask the website’s owner and that was incredibly helpful.

Despite these benefits, I didn’t see any real results, which was a little disappointing. The subscription fee was also... odd, for lack of a better word. $5 per week. In the end I just couldn’t justify the cost, so I stopped using the website altogether.

Reedsy

2019-2022

Finally, we come to the turning point.

I remember stumbling upon Reedsy randomly. It wasn’t very well known at the time, and I think it still isn’t. I was nervous when I submitted my portfolio because their catalogue features the best of the best: designers who’ve created covers for bestsellers, THE bestsellers, people who’ve worked on Stephen King covers, or George R.R. Martin's. Designers, editors, and marketers who are veterans. I didn’t have high hopes for my application. So, I was in shock when it got accepted.

I had an introductory Skype call with a representative from Reedsy, who explained how everything worked. Before the call ended, I remember asking if there was a good chance I’d get work through the platform. The rep laughed and said, “Yes.”

A few weeks in, I understood that laugh.

Reedsy has an overwhelming demand for book covers and commercial projects. For every designer there are many more clients. In peak seasons, I was getting requests almost every day. I’m not exaggerating.

Reedsy transformed my portfolio and my pricing structure. Thanks to the income I earned through the platform, I was finally able not to take everything that came my way but be selective and choose only the projects that really interested me.

The commission process is simple: artists pretty much decide how to split payments, what to include in agreements, and the best part, the most beautiful and helpful feature of all, they can request and adjust deadlines. For someone like me who's terrible with deadlines, this feature was a lifesaver. The admins are also very kind and responsive, available via email or chat.

Unfortunately (this is my last 'unfortunately', I promise), my time on Reedsy came to an end for personal reasons. I’ll explain since it’s no secret.

All my images on Reedsy were watermarked with my signature (my full name), which apparently violated the platform’s rules. Why? Because if a client saw my last name, they could contact me directly and bypass Reedsy, which meant the platform lost potential fees. I’ll admit this did happen a few times, but I had the good sense to redirect the client back to Reedsy.

After three years, an admin finally noticed and asked me to remove my full name from the watermark and any text on my profile. It was a simple and reasonable request, but here’s where the problem started. Profiles on Reedsy are public, and images appear in search engines like Google Images, meaning anyone could download my work and use it without permission. Sure, watermarks can be removed, but uploading my work without one in the first place felt like a bad idea. Btw, not only do I use watermarks, but I also use Glaze to protect my illustrations before sharing them online.

Anyway, for this reason, and also because I couldn’t get over the fact that full names were public at the time, something I won’t get into because, believe me, I tried over email, and my reasons went into the void (now, last names are just initialised, like Gabrielle R. Okay. Sure.), I had to close my account–they would have done it anyway because it was already 'flagged'.

Overall, if you’re willing to overlook the last name conundrum, I can’t recommend Reedsy enough. If you have a killer, solid portfolio and a love for books and editorial projects, go for it!

--------------------------------------------

I hope you'll find this useful! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask (: Oh, and here's an old article I wrote in 2020, titled:

Tips to freelance illustrators to avoid being screwed over

Who knows, maybe I'll write another 'article' post in four years!

Instagram  - ArtStation - Website - Inprnt - Etsy - TikTok

[omegastation]

Hi. I haven’t used Tumblr in such a long time. It's kinda weird. Last time was two years ago...

I went to Valencia in Spain a few months later. Some parts of it reminded me of the Citadel. I wanted to write about it here, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t really come back here because I couldn’t play the game. I couldn’t concentrate at all, couldn’t finish a simple mission, couldn’t just “play”. I’m still in my first Legendary playthrough if you can believe it. I was losing something that brought me joy and didn’t really know what to do.

And the long story short about my time away: I got a Master’s degree while still working (evening & weekend classes). It’s fairly recent, I learned in June that I got a "Grande Distinction" (with great distinction? idk how to translate it well in English, it's just one of the highest marks). So that was nice :)

Less nice: I got a severe pulmonary embolism in November. My lungs are okay but I have to deal with daily hyperventilation now, which means I’m quite tired and need to make an appointment soon for respiratory physiotherapy. If you’re wondering, I don’t smoke and I’m fairly active. What else? I’m about to self-publish (finally!!!) my collection of short stories in French. Mom helped me yesterday, we ordered printed books. So I'm still writing. Reading and knitting all the time. And I’m still working at the same job I was working at, and I’m happy there, though it can be demanding and I have to be careful not to overwork myself.

In the end, I did manage to come back to the game and finish a mission. Not only that, but I played more missions, and that was a real "omg I can do it" moment. And the more I play, the more I want to talk about it. So there you have it, I hope I can come back and just try to enjoy myself in a chill way. I don't know how long, we'll see. I think time has helped me, at least, to look at things differently. I don't want to feel any type of obligation. I want to do things for fun because it's fun, and let that be enough.

It’s been so long, the fandom has probably changed a lot. Some people might be gone. I’ll reintroduce myself one way or another, but right now I’ll just find stuff I like to reblog and talk about all the ideas that come to mind. Bear with me if it has been said recently or so many times before. I just feel like starting all over again and I missed a lot of posts. My memory isn't what it's used to be either tbh...

Finally, I hope you’re all doing well. Thank you to the people who sent me messages. One person wrote that they missed me. I don’t know who they are, it was anon, but that really moved me, because I really did miss this community and all the discussions we had. I also miss, as always, Dustie who has been gone for a while now.

Anyway. Thank you.

[sonotpattismith]

Hi! Could I req an inumaki w/ a reader with anxiety attacks? thank you!

Breathe. (toge inumaki x reader)

word count: 3.7k warnings: mentions of anxiety, panic attacks a/n: thank you so, so much for the request! I hope I was able to get the vibe you were looking for 😌

The first time Inumaki witnessed one of your anxiety attacks, his first instinct was to take you to Shoko, and, much to your mortification after the fact— he did. Neither of you knew one other very well yet, having interacted minimally during training or simply in passing. Truthfully, when you were assigned on a mission together, it scared you. Not that you had anything against him, but his lack of ability to communicate should something be going wrong during the mission was certainly something that raised red flags for you.

It must have been a year or two since you last had an anxiety attack quite like this one. Since beginning your lifestyle as a jujutsu sorcerer, many of your previous fears and low levels of distress tolerance for stressors improved significantly. It wasn’t that it was something you were actively trying to work on, but it certainly came with the territory. So, when those familiar feelings began to rise in you once again near the end of your mission with the cursed speech user, you were both thrown for a loop.

You typically had a routine for these sorts of things. It was by no means Inumaki’s fault, you simply hadn’t taken into account how his lack of communication would impact said routine. As you leaned on your knees to catch your breath following the proper disposal of a fairly strong curse that had been terrorizing the area, you looked to your partner, who was wiping blood from the corners of his mouth.

“Let’s get out of here, this place reeks.” You suggested with a huff.

“Salmon.” He croaked out, voice still hoarse from the command he’d just hurled at the curse moments prior. Your eyes softened slightly at the sound. Training with him was one thing, but hearing his raw power in full display before you was something else entirely. Tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder, you watched his eyes regard you curiously.

“Are— is your voice okay?”

Inumaki paused for a moment before his eyes squinted a bit, face scrunching up as he offered you a soft wave as if to say ‘I’m fine’. You smiled softly at his nonchalant expression. Nodding affirmatively, you turned to begin your trek toward the exit, but you were stopped with a gentle hand around your wrist. You tilted your head in question at the boy, who’s brows were furrowed as he pointed in the opposite direction.

“Pollack roe.” He stated, voice still gravely. The boy began tugging you in said direction. Honestly, the building that the two of you were assigned to was so massive that you really weren’t sure where the exit actually was. Toge seemed more sure of himself than you did though, so you followed him without question.

It must have been ten minutes that you had been walking down hallway after hallway, exiting through various doors in the never ending labyrinth of this place. Fear began to prickle in the very back of your mind. Did he know where he was going? As you felt your heart begin to pick up speed, you willed yourself to take a deep breath.

“Inumaki…” You called hesitantly. He already knew the doubts running through your head, and he turned to face you with a sheepish expression. It did nothing to ease the tension filling your body. “Are you sure we’re going the right way?”

He paused in front of a door, pointing assuredly at it with a nod. His lavender eyes seemed to plead with you as if to say it’s this one, I swear. “Tuna tuna.”

You knew he couldn’t help it, and you knew he was doing the best he could to communicate with you. Still, without certainty of his thought process at the moment, you couldn’t help but start to panic. Your fingers trembled with uncertainty as they gripped the rails of the staircase you were descending.

They were all telltale signs: the sudden twinge of fear arising in the deep corners of your mind, the way your heart seemed to pound mercilessly against your rib cage, the inescapable body tremors— but it had been years, and you truly thought that was all past you. So, when Inumaki opened the heavy, metal door at the bottom of the staircase open for you, and you were met with yet another grueling hallway— something snapped within you.

It felt as though your vision was becoming tunneled. You tried to blink furiously through it, but the pressure building behind your eyes wouldn’t allow it. The violent, meticulous drumming of your heart seemed to stop altogether before slamming back into you at full force. The sensation was one you could only assume was likened to that of a heart attack, but then again you wouldn’t know. Raising a trembling hand to your chest, your mind began coming up with the worst case scenarios. Were you having a heart attack? Had you been cursed unknowingly? The possibilities only served to make your symptoms that much worse, and you were now struggling to breathe.

“Mustard leaf?”

You could hear Inumaki’s concern-laced voice coming from beside you, but it sounded as though he was underwater with the blood rushing in your ears. Unfamiliar hands came to grasp your forearms. It grounded you for just a moment, but your mind was still racing with the thought that something may be happening to you, and you couldn’t find your way out of this damn building.

“Some-Something’s wrong,” you began babbling, desperate for any sign that you’d make it out of here alive. Toge’s fear-stricken face floated into your line of vision, his eyes searching up and down for an explanation. “I can’t breathe. H-Help me, please. Please, help me.” Senseless, desperate babbles began to tumble from your lips as you clutched onto his arms as if it would stop you from succumbing to whatever mysterious ailment that had decided to creep upon her.

Her desperate cries only served to terrify the confused boy more. Scanning her now pale face and trembling hands, he wished for nothing more than to just ask her what was going on— what she was feeling so maybe he could understand how to help. It was impossible though, and nothing frustrated him more. Unsure of what had suddenly come over her, Inumaki could only do just as she was asking of him and help— whatever that meant. Tucking an arm around her waist, his movements were quick and determined to find the exit and get her to help.

It seemed as though that stairwell he had lead them down was correct. At the end of that very hall was the familiar exit doors. She was stumbling along beside him, her grip on his arm now suffocating. With a newfound determination, the boy bent down to throw her over his shoulder as gently as he could and race out the door. The location wasn’t far from the school, much to Inumaki’s relief. By the time they reached their destination, you were already beginning to come down ever so slightly from the attack. Still, the boy insisted on dragging you along to see Shoko.

Toge stayed posted just under the door frame, watching with an impatient tap on his foot as the healer pulled the stethoscope from her ears and hummed softly.

“Your heart rate is a little high but everything else looks normal.” She stated, giving the anxious girl before her a once over. Looking at the way your hair seemed to cling to your forehead, she placed the back of her hand against the damp skin there. “You’ve got cold sweats?”

You nodded softly, squeezing your fingers together in an attempt to stop them shaking. A knowing look suddenly passed over the woman’s face, and she leaned back on the table behind her.

“Do you have a history of anxiety attacks?”

The blood seemed to drain from your face at the realization. Suddenly, you were unable to look her or Inumaki in the eyes. Embarrassment gripped you with a ferocity that had you chewing aggressively at your bottom lip.

“Um…” you murmured under your breath as your gaze remained unmoving from its place on your lap. It only seemed to cause your breathing to return to its previously strained tempo. “I-I mean yeah, but… I haven’t had one in years.”

Shoko nodded affirmatively, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. It made you glance up at her hesitantly, face flushed red.

“Hey, it’s no big deal. With a job like this, I’d be more worried if you all weren’t losing it every once and a while. Just know your symptoms. Remember to breathe through it when they start.”

You spoke to Shoko for a few minutes longer about identifying your symptoms as they arise. This time around, you were able to pinpoint the cold sweats, trembling, and racing heart as your telltale signs. For some reason, you were even more embarrassed when she went over a basic, grounding breathing technique with you. Inumaki’s presence weighed heavily in the room throughout the entire interaction. You wanted the ground to swallow you whole. It had all been for nothing— the panic, the rush, the concern— all because you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that yes, you would eventually make it out of the building.

You tried not to look at him as he walked you back to your dorm, which you insisted was unnecessary. When you pleaded with him to just turn in for the night. You were sure he was exhausted from having to haul you all the way out of the building after already being drained by the use of his technique. Still, he simply just shrugged nonchalantly, shoving his hands into his pockets as he followed you to your door. As the two of you reached your dorm, you couldn’t help but look down shyly at your feet

“I’m so sorry,” The apology tumbled from your lips with little thought. Thumbing over the hem of your shirt, you continued. “I should have known what it was. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. That was so—”

Toge abruptly stopped you with a comforting hand on your shoulder. Though the lower half of his face was still covered by his collar, you could see the way his lavender eyes squinted a bit with his reassuring smile. Holding out a finger as if to say hold on, he quickly pulled out his phone and began typing.

That was on me. I lowkey got us lost 😮‍💨

Biting back your surprise at the tiny piece of his personality shining through the message, a soft smile replaced your blabbering apologies. Laughing softly, you shook your head, cheeks still tinged a bit pink. You wanted to apologize again, tell him you shouldn’t have freaked him out like that so unnecessarily, but it seemed like he was trying to give you an out. His eyes shone softly as he regarded your now more relaxed posture.

“Yeah,” You breathed with a quiet laugh. “ ‘Tuna tuna’ my ass, I’ll be the navigator next time.”

His laugh shook his chest, and you suddenly wished you could see the smile it was giving him. Typing up a quick message, he held his phone out with one hand while the other came up to his head in a mock salute.

My bad bro, I’ll just command you to find the exit next time.

Your friendship blossomed after that shared mission, and you came to appreciate the little bits of Toge’s personality you began to see spring up. The two of you mostly communicated through text, but you had even begun to be able to find meaning in his seemingly nonsensical rice ball ingredients. You had been eternally grateful that he hadn’t made a big deal out of the panic attack you had experienced that sent you both spiraling. Even more so, it touched you that he was perceptive enough to save face for you.

Still, when you went on missions together, which began happening more often as your collaboration grew with your bond, he found himself keeping an particularly close eye on you. It wasn’t that Inumaki thought you couldn’t hold your own during a mission, his first hand experience seeing your skill in jujutsu made sure of that. More so, he looked out for those signs you had spoken to Shoko about. If there was a particularly unfamiliar place, or you were getting more roughed up than usual, the cursed speech user seemed to watch to see if your fingers trembled against your weapon, or if your breathing seemed to become abnormal. It had been months since the incident, but the precaution still lingered in the back of his mind every now and again.

So, the second time you experienced an anxiety attack in your time at Jujutsu High, Toge was more than prepared. You had landed yourself in the infirmary. Surprisingly (and embarrassingly), it hadn’t even been on a mission. No, you had actually come down with a wicked case of food poisoning.

You and Toge had spent the day in the city just two days prior. Having pulled you into an unsuspecting, hole in the wall deli just a few blocks away from the store you two were headed to, the boy shook his head adamantly as you pointed to the sandwich you thought looked good. Making a comically dramatic ‘X’ with his arms across his chest, he acted out a fake gag. Your ignorance of his attempt to warn you that something didn’t look quite right about that sandwich only made your trip to Shoko that much more embarrassing.

You hadn’t stopped throwing up since that night after you two returned. He had texted you the next morning asking if you wanted to get breakfast, but just the thought of trying to force something down your throat was making you gag. After this offer was declined, he sent a few more texts your way, however they were all ignored. On top of the fact that you were too embarrassed to tell him that you’d been spilling your guts for twenty-four hours straight, the prideful side of you just really didn’t want to give the smug motherfucker the satisfaction of knowing he was right.

Now, as you laid in the uncomfortably stiff bed for seven hours, hooked up to an IV that was replenishing all the fluids you had lost in the past twenty-four hours, you were regretting your decision of not telling him. It was silent in the room. The stark white, barren walls were infuriating to look at, and the puny size of the room began to make it feel as though they were closing in on you. Shoko came in to check on you every once and a while, but, other than that, you were alone. The healer didn’t mention when you’d be able to leave and resume your normal routine. All you knew was that until you stopped looking like a ghost and were able to keep more than a mere cup of water down, you would be under her observation.

It seemed endless though, the countless seconds, turned minutes, turned hours. As the sun began to set outside, that feeling of uncertainty became more inescapable. Your hand began to tremble as you scrolled through your phone in an attempt to distract yourself. For a moment, you worried that your body was beginning to react to the lack of food. The longer time went on though, the worse it became. Was it getting warmer in this room? With an anxious huff, you kicked the blanket off of your trembling legs. Your heart began to pound against your chest— you could feel it everywhere. It was in your back, your ears, your fingertips.

Opening your mouth to call for help, you cut yourself off with a startled yelp when you saw a familiar head of platinum blond hair in the doorway. After not hearing back from you all day, Toge would be lying if he said he wasn’t starting to worry a bit. While your friendship was still growing and you didn’t necessarily see each other everyday, it was definitely uncharacteristic for you to not even reply to him.

You had quickly become a constant in his life, finding himself checking for your messages as soon as he opened his eyes in the morning. Knowing he could definitely be a complete stage five clinger when he wanted to be, he tried not to bother you that day. The last thing he wanted was to scare you off. Oftentimes Inumaki felt as though he had to make up for his lack of words with his presence. When it came to you, all he wanted was to assure that you knew how much he cared for you since he couldn’t outright tell you. Although, he had a feeling that even if he could, the words would get choked up in his throat as soon as you batted those gleaming, brilliant eyes at him.

In the end, he had to hear from Maki that you had landed yourself in Shoko’s infirmary with a nasty case of food poisoning. While a bit hurt that you didn’t tell him, he figured it was your pride getting in the way because— damn it, he told you to put that sandwich down. So, there he was, smugly strolling in to visit you with a sandwich shaped plushie under one arm (which had the stupidest little look on its stuffed, bread face that he just couldn’t not pick it up on his run to the store), and his switch in the other, hoping to at least entertain you for a while in your time of need.

The eager expression on his face quickly faded as he took in the state of you. Your eyes were wide and misty as they landed on him with a gasp. Quickly moving toward your bed, he regarded you with concern as he set his things down on the chair beside you.

“Mustard leaf?” He pressed, taking in the way your face was quite a few shades lighter than he recalled, and your hands seemed to reach desperately out toward him. Leaning forward, he allowed you to fist the fabric of his hoodie between your fingers and pull him closer.

“Toge, something’s wrong.” The familiar words tumbled from your lips as tears lined your eyes. You haphazardly grappled at his hand to bring it to your chest as if he was qualified enough to tell you if you were really crashing out right now or not. “Help me— you need to help me.”

Too wrapped up in the inexplicable feeling that you were falling down, deep into an inescapable chasm, you couldn’t think straight enough to recognize that you two had been in this exact situation before. Luckily though, the boy in front of you remembered perfectly, since you scared the shit out of him the first time. With furrowed brows, he reached out to graze the skin of your forehead tentatively. Upon feeling the unmistakable, damp sensation clinging to your otherwise cool forehead, Toge knew exactly what was going on.

With softening eyes, he sat beside you in the cramped bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. Grabbing the hand that was still clutched onto his shirt, he brought it up to his chest before taking a deep breath and hoping you’d repeat. You were nearly hysterical though, tears now streaming freely down your cheeks at the feeling of your own racing heart.

“Please, get Shoko, Toge. I need help—”

“Tuna, tuna.” The boy urged desperately, using his free hand to point to his chest as he took another, dramatic deep breath in. Your hand still trembled against his though, and your breathing was still hitched. It made him want to rip his hair out— the way he couldn’t remind you that you were okay, that you were just having an anxiety attack, and you just needed to ground yourself like Shoko taught you. His heart was breaking more each second at the sight of your panicked state. In a desperate fury, he ripped his collar down around his neck.

“Breathe.”

In an instant, it was as if your lungs were being pried open. Cool oxygen flooded your system, making your hazy mind just a hair clearer. His fingers were firm atop of yours, splayed out in the center of his chest as he dramatically breathed out, nodding for you to do the same. It was a bit of back and forth like this before the realization hit you. A rush of heat flooded to your cheeks, making you dip your head down in embarrassment.

“I did it again.” You cursed, willing yourself to stop blushing as it was really only making the embarrassment worse. “I’m sorry, Toge. I didn’t even realize…”

His shoulder dropped a bit, relaxing once he noted you had begun breathing normally once again. Now that things had calmed down, you were struck by the intimate position you had been put in. He was close— closer than he had ever been to you, especially with his collar pulled down. For the first time, you were actually able to see the soft smile that graced his marked lips. Your heart swelled a bit at the sight, unable to tear your eyes away from the newfound territory you’d been made a witness to.

Toge’s fingers curled nervously around yours when he noticed your unwavering gaze on his exposed mouth. Under your fingertips, you could feel his heart thumping wildly against his chest. His pale cheeks pinked before you. In a last ditch effort to preserve his dignity, he quickly pulled the abandoned sandwich stuffy off the chair to present to you.

Your eyes fell on it slowly, and upon processing what it was, your mouth fell open with an insulted gasp. His lips broke out into a boyish grin, laughing boisterously as you smacked his chest.

“You’re such a dick, Inumaki!”

Despite your harsh words, he watched with pride in his eyes as you slowly wrapped your arms around the plushy. After carefully adjusting the line of your IV so it didn’t get tangled, he grabbed the switch that had also been left on the chair, holding it up in question. You smiled giddily before scooting over so he could squeeze into the small space beside you.

With your head resting softly on his shoulder, and your legs tangled with his over the messy sheets as you two shared the tiny screen in his lap, the daunting, white walls of your room didn’t seem as maddening anymore.

masterlist | requests | talk to me ❤︎

I love hearing everyone's thoughts! ◝⠀(ᵔᵕᵔ)⠀◜

[wundrousarts]

I’m also curious about people’s thoughts on this. I too am suffering from the American release date being practically two months after the initial release. While I don’t want to see spoilers I know from experience from Hollowpox that I will be peeking at the Silverborn channel in the discord like this 🫣🫣🫣 anyways LOL.

I made a private “Silverborn Spoilers” community with the new feature (that I don’t understand at all) because I was thinking that could be a good way try and keep stuff contained, because just relying on muting tags isn’t always reliable….. and because I am always tempted to click on the hidden posts 😅. The only issue though is that you can’t reblog from communities nor can you make a private one public? But Silverborn is a year away, so maybe it would change by then. 🤷

For context, this is a Nevermoor fandom poll on whether or not you're ok with spoilers from people in the fandom who have read Silverborn once it comes out. Please put your thoughts down below, I'd love to hear them!

My thoughts under the cut:

Personally, I made this poll because I'm a bit conflicted over whether or not I want to see spoilers before I read Silverborn, once it comes out (I live in the US, so I definitely won't get it first). On one hand, I'd love to have an unspoiled (besides snippets and things) read of Silverborn, so I can experience all of the twists firsthand. But on the other hand, I also want to experience all of the fanart, fanfics, analyses, and commentaries in real time, I don't want to miss anything!

Again, please reblog and share your thoughts!

[jellyfishcharm]

i am currently getting into the marauders fandom, and i am overly confused rn. i have never had an interest in reading harry potter but after begging from my best friend i started ATYD, and because i wanted to understand it better i started the actual harry potter series (pirated, fuck jkr) i have a ton of questions and i dont really think theyre things i can look up, so i turned to tumblr.

(please keep in mind i have not read the harry potter series so im like completely lost)

1) what is the source material for the marauders fandom? i thought ATYD was what jump started this whole james, sirius, remus thing but apparently it’s been going on since like 2003 so i’m just confused what is the canon information? the most confusing is wolfstar and how people talk about snape. is snape good? is he bad? am i missing something? was james bullying snape or snape bullying them? and is wolfstar supposed to be the “canon ship” or smth?

2) why is jegulus so popular? don’t get me wrong i love the concept of it from what i know (not very much im afraid) but i thought james and lily were like the end all be all canon marauders couple?

3) why is james desi? im all for it and as a black/jewish/gay girl myself the whole representation of poc and jews in harry potter along with jkr just put me off from the series for years but nothing about james reads as brown for me, so im just wondering how people got to that conclusion

4) why is there this weird hierarchy in this fandom? i keep going online and seeing old fans complaining about how things are so different now but like.. that’s how fandoms work? things are gonna change? it’s okay to like things that are old in fandom i mean i definitely do but it’s like they have such a superiority complex over others it’s kind of putting me off

5) why is everyone forgetting that the marauders were a group of little white boys in the 70s? they’re literally wizard racists (i thought)? i just don’t know how everyone thinks they’re so progressive when so many of them are wizard nepo babies. also

i really don’t want to seem negative or like i’m allergic to fun, i really love the fanfictions and the cosplays i’ve seen, this fandom seems so fun and the fact it’s been going for 20 something years is so cool, but i just have a lot of questions and im hoping the tumblr community can help me. i’m hoping reading the original series will clear some things up for me, and if you guys have any other harry potter/marauders related things to tell me as i get more into the series/fandom let me know!

(i’m also fairly new to being so active in fandom spaces so be nice)

[cripplecharacters]

I really enjoyed the post you reblogged about how disabled people still have communities, especially in the modern day. But what if you’re not writing a story set in the present day? What if you’re writing fanfiction for a universe that is set way behind ours, and doesn’t appear to have any real communities for disabled people? I want to write a story about the founding of the first community for disabled people in that world. But how would you found something like that? I’m considering them going to the ruler of the land, who is invisibly disabled. But what should the steps be from there? Where should they meet, and what kind of accessibility concerns do I need to think about? I know about ramps for wheelchairs and lights that can be dimmed for autistic people, but what else? What would the community do? Would it just be social, or would it do activism?

Hi! So:

Depending on how your world is already built is when you would determine what changes or accommodations your characters would want to build or improve. For example, a medieval-technology-level world where no one builds stairs anyway is already accessible in that way for wheelchair users, even if it's far behind us technologically.

Community is often social, yes, but when communities, even social-based ones, need help or justice (with laws, with accommodations, or anything else), they often turn to activism to get their needs met.

For example: communities with d/Deaf people often develop sign languages. If the number of deaf people is high enough, maybe even hearing people will commonly use sign language. Sign language will be necessary for deaf people to communicate, especially in a world with no hearing aids. But the community could later develop to activism: ensuring there's interpreters available, or that information is presented in formats other than just audio format, like captions and transcripts.

As to accessibility concerns: think about common disabilities, and how those need to be accommodated. You've mentioned ramps and dimmable lights. I'll comment on those first, then add a bit

Ramps for wheelchairs: A pretty big one, and very necessary. But how about accessible doorways? Wheelchairs are usually wider than people. How about accessible seating that ensures a person can transfer into it or sit with their wheelchair? Bathrooms that can fit a wheelchair, and maybe a carer as well?

Dimmable lights: These can be helpful for autistic people, yes. But I'd love it if you consider something else as well: conflicting access needs. Many visually impaired people, for one, will need lights to make the most out of their remaining vision. This is hard to solve sometimes because just like in real life, things are not universal. The solution might be sunglasses for the person sensitive to light, or maybe the person who needs more light gets an extra light source.

Blindness and deafness are both very common disabilities worldwide today, and will likely be common in your world too, and would need to be accommodated. How about interpreters or transcripts? Braille or another tactile alphabet? Intellectual disability and cognitive impairments (permanent and temporary) are very common too. How about easy to read documents with clear information as opposed to jargon, if your setting uses documents? How about encouraging asking questions, or having someone take notes? How about trying to use clear language as often as possible?

Many disabled people need breaks often, whether that's physical or mental. How about areas where they can do that? How about just the acceptance that this is needed? Many disabled people need carers, too, whether this is all the time or only occasionally. How about ensuring these carers are available and well-compensated from their work? How about people making sure these carers treat the disabled person they care for fairly? How about ensuring a disabled person can bring their carer along to something, whether it's a social event or an informational event or what have you?

This is not an exhaustive list and could never be, because various people have differing needs and it depends on the needs of the people in your community. Something that helps someone might hinder someone, and in life it is a balance. What would help is if everyone is able to advocate for their needs, and the community and those who interact with them can figure out how to best fit those needs.

You will have a lot to think about, and keep in mind that disabilities are immensely varied and there's so many of them with and without overlap.

- Mod Sparrow

Hi!

Some of the ways that disability communities could, and have formed, are heavily influenced by what's going on in the world!

In pre-modern times, disabled people would eventually end up together because resources to treat or care for us weren't readily available. That means that disability communities would form at hospitals, or areas where many people rapidly became sick or wounded for one reason or another. This can happen quickly, and it could be the case that what is now the disabled community of the region used to be just the community of ABC City before river blindness became a problem.

If someone became (or was born) disabled, and there was One Place around you where this person could receive care, they would visit there sooner or later. Assuming this happens often enough, a community will form.

For accessibility, it really depends on the type of community it is. If it's supposed to be extremely diverse, you will have a ton of things to consider - wheelchair users, little people, blind people, Deaf people, autistic people, intellectually disabled people, people who require 24/7 care... It will be a lot to think about.

If it's a community where everyone (or the big majority) has similar needs, then there's a high chance that only their needs would be considered. Disabled people, like most people, think of themselves first - if the community is, for example, primarily autistic, they might not consider the needs of DeafBlind people much or at all. That's what happens in real life, unfortunately. In a scenario where a person tries to join that community and finds it inaccessible, a second, different community would form. And it could go on like this for more or less forever.

Would it just be social, or would it do activism?

Both, probably. Communities start as social, but over time, as they grow, activism is needed. The focus changes as the community "matures". But they will always be parts that are purely social, and parts that are ready to fight for their rights by any means necessary. It's just the ratio of these two that shifts.

I hope my answer helped!

mod Sasza

[the-curse-of-neoclones]

Moderneopets Artist Mistreatment

Edit as of 11/16/23 10:40 AM NST:

Removed names where I failed to do so before. I'm very sorry to the affected parties, this snowballed so far out of my intended scope.

Edit as of 11/16/23 5:30 PM NST

Please see this post for a small update.

As of 11/16/23 10:10 PM NST, Hazer the site owner has formally and publicly apologized to myself and Velu, the other affected artist. As far as I'm concerned he has officially handled the situation as best as he could, and I hold no further qualms with Moderneopets. I hope to hear of its management continuing in this direction.

The following post is left up for archival purposes only.

*****

Hello, I’m wren. I'm an artist responsible for some of the pet assets on the neoclone, Moderneopets. I'm just going to get into it.

Hazer was extremely lucky to somehow cultivate a dense group of largely professional artists to work together to make assets for his site. When it comes to his own management as a site runner, he’s largely hands-off of the art department, which is a good thing! If he can’t be active in the art panel enough to know what goes on in there, he shouldn’t be running it— we have many strong, capable artists on the team who are passionate about recreating the neopets style, who work together on every pet that has been released ever since critique became a requirement. 

It makes sense that, with a project this large, Hazer should have to designate moderators to enforce rules when he is absent. Choosing to bring on moderators was also a good decision. Unfortunately, he chose poorly. 

Art panel issues should have separate Art panel moderators to take care of them. People who are not overburdened with generic moderation duties from the many other channels of the server, for example. In the same vein, artists should not be moderators. When an artist has an issue with another artist, who happens to be a moderator (which has happened many times, with many people— If the mods actually open threads for all complaints they receive, they should have evidence of this & if they don’t they are not being truthful), the artist would likely not feel comfortable approaching that same artist-slash-moderator to complain about what happened. It breeds an aura of fear and discomfort any time there is an issue with an artist/mod, and that is why the two moderators on the team should have to choose one or the other if hazer wants to cultivate a healthy atmosphere in his panel. 

I’ve created many pets for this website. Neopets has been a passion of mine since the third grade. I’m also one of those professional artists I mentioned— my work is also art, industry or otherwise. I care about breaking neopets down into their core, recognizable shapes. I care about keeping them on-model and in the spirit of the original TNT art team, with improvements made where I and the other panelists think they make sense. I have redlined for other artists to an even greater degree, just as other artists have redlined for me and helped me finalize each pet into something simply good: something that made sense to get put on a little passion project website for other people with a similar passion to enjoy. I found the panel to be a community of likeminded artists with which to discuss our favorite childhood petsite while we made art for a clone, as if we could pretend we were making art for neopets-dot-com. It was nice. 

It wasn’t perfect, though. In fact, shortly after I joined in 2021 I took a hiatus because the art panel was fairly dead. I came back a little while later to see we had several new species, as well as an art director, and lots of activity! That was very exciting. Over the next year I would reach out to the panel or, if nobody was sure of how to proceed, I would reach out to the art director to propose ideas for how to make the panel a little more functional; quality of life updates, if you will. I don’t take credit for all of these alone, there were other artists with similar ideas all communicating to the director in private, but some examples: 

A designated “collab” zone where artists could seek out other artists to complete pets with. 

“The Purge,” in which the team was whittled down to ~25 current, active artists to refresh the team and allow for new artists to join. 

“The Approval System,” which I first sat down with in my workshop (public to all artists) to hammer out the details with as many other artists as wanted to give their input— a method for pitching new ideas to eventually break through the “new species/color freeze” that had been plaguing us.

Speaking on the approval system: like most things that required Hazer’s direct input in the art team, it was left without response for a very long time. Artists with ideas for custom species or colors would occasionally murmur about their excitement for the system to get a look-over by hazer, to see if our approval system pitch would be approved. But hazer is busy, as we all know, and the pitch sat for a while. We had new & returning artists on the team to keep everyone busy. 

What I would expect from a years-old panel of artists, when new additions arrive, would be some manner of tutorial. New artists would need to know the pipeline (here’s your workshop, you can post WIPs and anything else in there; here’s how you ping for critique, here are the spaces in which to ask for it; make sure you always ping before your work is submitted on-site), and there would likely be some acclimating on both sides. What I did not expect (but should have), was pushback from new artists on things that hadn’t had pushback in a long time. Why can’t [x] color be a posechange? Well, we’ve created many already and none of them were posechanges. Why can’t I use colored lineart? Well, that isn’t in line with the style standards set by this color; see, nobody else is coloring their lineart. 

Suddenly there was a divide between veteran artists, the director, and the new blood. The divide felt greater when Hazer came to his new artist’s aid to say, approximately: “Eh, if someone wants to go above and beyond and make better art, they shouldn’t have to adhere to the guidelines.” Then he threw the art director under the bus for not somehow knowing that his intentions were always to keep the panel loose and unstructured. But don’t worry, that isn’t the first bus and won’t be the last.

My personal investment in the panel waned around that time. I think a structured “work” environment with easily accessible rules and deadlines is necessary to any project of this size. If we didn’t want to enforce color standards, nor prioritize certain colors for release, and anyone could just submit whatever Nice Art they wanted, why not open it up so any user could submit pet art? Why have a panel at all? Isn’t Hazer taking any opportunity to dunk on Leopets because he wants his site to be better? How is this different? 

But I stuck around. This was a hobby I really enjoyed, after all, and I really believed it could get better. It had a good core, and despite my grievances with individual artists, none of them were bad people. 

But I noticed some trends. New artists would receive feedback that they didn’t agree with and retaliate by bringing in their emotions or personal preferences. Any disagreement where multiple veteran artists stepped in to say their piece would escalate to the point of very long messages on both sides, and would need to be left to hazer to give a final input. Often he didn’t come around to it, because he’s busy, as we know. I didn’t step in to every argument; they became cyclical after a while, and I didn’t have the time or energy to spend simply tapping the proverbial sign (or style sheet). I would try to give positive suggestions when I could, for example: I don’t think this color needs another alt for just one single design, but we did talk about eventually making this color that your design would fit into really well. 

I’ve done my time having arguments on the internet. I really just want an art environment where the rules are set and people actually enjoy following them, because I do— I see art rules as helpful guidelines at best and obstacles to cleverly navigate at worst, which is still fun. But of course not everyone is going to feel the same way, that’s normal; that’s life. 

On 11/9 I was given this message by Hazer: 

It reads:

Hello wren,

I am reaching out to you today to inform you that effective immediately you are being dismissed from the Artist and Consultant Panels. This decision has been reached through discussions and based on repeated offences in the form of user harassment and subjecting the panels to a toxic atmosphere, after multiple reports and concerns brought up to us by other users.

While we understand concerns regarding panel management, there is a distinct difference between criticising and condeming the way the panel does things and criticising and condeming users that are on the panel, and we believe this line has been crossed one too many times, further supported by concerns brought to us.

We appreciate the passion and drive of our team—all of them—and we understand you have been very passionate about the panel. Given some of the messages we see, we have also concluded that due to things in the panel not working out as you have wished, it has caused you much stress and upset as well, which we do not want. All in all, we've decided that the atmosphere of the panel and your own enjoyment of the website are hampered by your presence on it. Because of this, we have decided it is best to have you part ways with the staff sections of the website.

Effective immediately after this message, we will be permanently removing you from the panels. While normally we do a temporary removal, in this case we've seen that your compatability with our management and handling of the panel will not improve, and it will just bring stress to both sides.

We understand you have put a lot of passion into the projects you have been working on for release in Moderneopets, and in lieu of that, we offer you the option of having the project(s) still be released even after dismissal. Rewards will still be granted for releases per usual, and credit will still be given. If you decide, due to dismissal, you do not want your unreleased work to be released on Moderneopets, simply state it as such, and we will discard all progress on projects you have been working on to respect those wishes.

This decision is final and will not be revoked.

Best wishes to you,

The Moderneopets Team

[end caption]

My response:

It reads: 

No warnings huh?

[end caption]

Hazer didn’t have an answer for me. I was already removed from the panel. 

This came as a shock. I’d been there for over two years, I felt I had a good rapport with the other artists, I felt I’d been a helpful and active addition to the team. Like I said, I’ve done my time having arguments on the internet… what toxic behavior? Discussions over style guides? Giving redlines to people with permission? Working with the whole team to bolster several new color releases? I had an entire species that Hazer wanted ready to go since March— I just pushed through the Swamp Gas release, I just created the Mystical alt? 

No warnings?

Let me reiterate: I have never been spoken to by any staff about my behavior. Hazer, his then-four moderators— none of them have ever been in my DMs to issue a warning. I have spoken TO the mods about others’ behaviors, and nothing ever came of it. The one time (and I mention this for full transparency only) the art director came to talk to me about something I said, it was stated clearly that it was not a warning, and even so I adjusted my behavior around said issue accordingly. And that was well before the purge. 

But, don’t take my word for it. Here it is from hazer himself, speaking over his mods who were busy telling the rest of the panel that they always issue warnings: 

It reads:

No in this case I do agree that this has been an abrupt situation and I understand the blind-sided-ness of it. No official warnings were given out regarding the actions that resulted in the removal of artists today and that’s on fault of myself and deebs not working things out properly despite the moderation team bringing issues to a us a few times – also due to our lack of availability recently.  [end caption]

So… What happened? Well… here it is from Hazer, in longform: 

For those who use screen readers, above are several enormous discord screenshots; I've placed it in a paste bin here: https://pastebin.com/dHLiBRTF

Two other artists immediately stepped down. Hazer admits here in his message that he and the mods had multiple tickets opened about my behavior, that they had known they wanted to remove me. They never gave a warning, never talked to me until the moment of my dismissal, but they had known it was coming for months? 

Why did Hazer and his gang of mods let me continue working on art for their panel? Why did they let me work so hard to pull Swamp Gas together for an official release? Why did they let me put together a whole custom Alt and workshop it for so long? I’ve been active this whole time. Why did you let me keep working if you knew you wanted me gone? 

I am a professional artist. My work is art. Hazer made the knowing decision to exploit my time and effort for his website. He’s not paying me, he’s not paying any of us. It’s volunteer work. But I did not volunteer to be mistreated like this. To not even be given a chance to defend myself. To him, artists are disposable. To him, if someone has worked on your team for years but speaks up when your friend tries to overturn the system, even civil discussion is cause for disposal. Civil discussion negates years of effort, passion, time and care. 

I didn’t have to make art for you, Hazer. And you don’t deserve the team you have. How many artists have voiced their discomfort with your actions? How many artists are taking a break from the panel because of how you handled this? Ah, wait, you wouldn’t know… you’re busy. 

Hazer and his mod team are just another corrupt group of individuals unfortunately heading what could have been a fun and promising petsite. Everyone who speaks praise of modneo does it by and large because of the new and unique art. Hazer was extremely lucky to cultivate a dense group of largely professional artists to work together to make assets for his site. 

If Hazer wants to show any sign of his potential to be a better person, I believe he needs to formally apologize to his site for the misuse of his power and the mistreatment and exploitation of artists on his team. He needs to apologize to you, the players of his game, the subscribers to his patreon, for allowing this to happen under his watch and under his word. You know you fucked up, hazer. You shouldn’t have sided with your friend without any actual evidence of misconduct. You shouldn’t have spoken about me like I was a toxic, subhuman hindrance to your art team. You shouldn’t have treated me like that. I didn’t deserve it. None of us did. You can apologize to me and the other lost artists publicly.

[novlr]

Hi I’m interested in writing, but idk how and where to start. Any advice?

Starting your writing adventure can seem daunting, but it’s actually the best time to have fun and discover what the craft means to you. And to get started with writing, I have a few basic concepts to consider.

Whether you’re writing poetry, a novel, short stories, nonfiction, or even screenwriting, the below concepts are versatile, and work as general steps on how to start.

Let’s dig in!

Start small, build a habit

The first thing to do to get started with writing is to actually start writing. Earth-shattering response, I know.

Start with finding a small routine that works best for your schedule and try it for about two weeks to gauge if changes are needed.

For example, you can spend five minutes during lunch every day to type whatever is on your mind. Then, once that becomes an instinctual habit, increase it to 10 minutes. You can also experiment with half-hour increments every other day, or, your routine becomes writing a few hours on the weekend because of your work schedule.

There’s no magical writing routine you should force yourself to do. Everyone has their own pace, and it’s up to you to find yours. There’s no wrong answer to this.

Experiment, adapt, and find your flow. Finding a routine can take a few tries, and that routine can also change after a significant life event (you can also have a different version of the routine for low energy days). So no need to be rigid with yourself. But once you find your flow, do it as consistently as possible.

As for what to write: write about your day, let out an emotion, tell a story from childhood, practice talking as a character; whatever fancies you at that moment. As long as you’re writing, whether it’s 5 or 5,000 words, you’re doing it right!

P.S. Looking for more on building a writing habit? Our course “Write to Play” helps you get started with writing and learn to enjoy it! Our Discord Community also hosts weekly writing sprints and other activities, so you can connect with fellow writers and work on goals together. Both are free to join.

Ask why you want to write

Writing may look like a glamorous career or hobby, but as with many things, it takes effort. And your level of writing effort depends on why you write in the first place.

Some people get started with writing because they think publishing something will make quick bucks. But it should never be about the money (although money is a nice bonus). Writing is about community and entertainment via the oldest form of connecting with others: storytelling.

We write because we love to tell stories. We write because we want to share a message with others through written expression. We write because we are natural creators of worlds and characters that weave adventures.

So ask yourself why you really want to write. Do you want to connect with others through your personal experiences? Is there a message you want to share with the world? Do you want to entertain the masses with meaningful adventure? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, great news! You’re on the right track.

If you need a “why” example, I’ll give you my reason for writing poetry and fiction. It’s to advocate mental health and self-worth.

After going through a personal journey of discovering self-acceptance, I want people to follow their hearts and core desires, and to love themselves for who they are. Because that’s true happiness–valuing your core identity.

Genre and theme

Genre and theme are two vital things you need to get started with writing.

Genre is fairly straightforward. Most aspiring writers already have one in mind. However, if you’re not sure where to start, think about the genres that your favorite books, movies, or TV shows are, and go from there.

Do you like epic fantasy and adventure? Try the action genre. Do you enjoy dystopian settings questioning the ethics of society? Society and worldview are great for getting deep and philosophical. Or do you love a character rising to the top with a successful career or sports tournament? Look into performance and status.

Theme takes a little more effort, but if you spend time on your “why,” that will help significantly! Because the theme you write about, from a poem to a novel, typically derives from your “why.”

Take my own “why” again as an example. Since it’s about mental health, I spend my days on themes of self-discovery, societal influence on “success,” inner demons, acceptance–the list goes on. But they all come from my overarching goal to show how valuing your true self brings real happiness.

Here’s another example: say you have a personal experience of winning a sports tournament because you pushed yourself, even though you wanted to give up. Perhaps that’s inspiration for a project with the message, “with effort comes reward.” That theme opens all kinds of opportunities, from looking at the best-suited genre to what kind of story and character to write about.

Which leads to my next concept! 

Characters and story basics

Genre and theme play right into your characters and story. This is where we dive into some mechanics of storytelling, starting with the concept of story and characters, and then how the theme and genre affect them to create a basic project outline.

To start, your story is the external sequence of obstacles your character faces, leading to learning the theme at the end. Your character is the one going through the story’s external events while internally processing them.

Your theme then determines the “what” in your story: what message the story shares to readers at the end, and what core events lead to the theme reveal. Meanwhile, the character(s) are the “who” being affected by the theme throughout the story.

With that, the theme determines the beginning and end of your story, as well as the path of growth for your character to experience. This is the bare minimum you need when writing a project, like a novel or short story. Even if you don’t use outlines.

For the end of the story, we already mentioned the theme reveal; and that’s typically portrayed through the character facing a final challenge–like a big boss fight. And through that challenge, the character grows from learning the theme. So the theme dictates the end of the story by what the final event and message are, and who the character becomes after growth (or lack of, for tragic ending). 

From there, we can move backwards to the beginning of the story. In storytelling, the ending is the opposite of the beginning. So, if the story’s end has a character learning the theme through a final challenge, then the story’s beginning introduces that character with a major flaw to overcome by learning the theme; while starting the sequence of obstacles that eventually leads to the theme reveal at the end.

Just like that, you have the theme crafting the basics of your story with a dynamic character!

But let’s dive further with genre. Genre helps plot the “how,” as in, how your story and character’s journey are told (i.e. action, romance, etc). Each genre has specific conventions for a story to follow, thus acting as a great template to plot lengthier projects like novels.

For example, romance genres start the story with two characters meeting as potential love interests (the meet cute), and typically end with them falling in love. Thus, if you choose romance as your genre, then you work your theme, story, and character(s) into those parameters.

Once you do that, you’ll notice you’ll have a basic outline for a project. Shall we go through an exercise to see the magic?

Let’s go back to the theme example of “with effort comes reward,” and combine it with a character, story, and genre.

Based on that theme, the character needs a major flaw at the story’s beginning, one to overcome by learning the lesson. Also, the beginning starts a sequence of obstacles that must lead to the character getting rewarded from effort.

So let’s create a character who believes everything comes easily to them–someone born into a rich family and had everything handed to them at a young age. That’s the flaw. And for the sequence of obstacles to start their growth, we’ll have the character lose their inheritance, forced to figure out how to live on their own.

These obstacles become the hardships of living without wealth. That way, by the end of the story, the character comes face to face with the theme, realizing if they want “reward” (or perhaps fulfillment), they must put effort into what they do. The story thus ends with the character growing and understanding it’s worth working toward something.

Now add the romance parameters mentioned above for genre. After the character loses their inheritance, they meet someone at a local store; one who becomes friends and helps tackle the character’s personal dilemma. This also helps the character realize genuine happiness as they also fall in love. Therefore, they find their path through their own efforts, without inherited wealth, and live happily ever after.

Tackle that mindset

There’s only one mindset every writer needs to have before they get started with writing, and that’s this phrase:

Perfection is failure.

Trust me, as a healing perfectionist, that sounds wild. But here’s something crazier.

Not even your published work will be perfect.

You will always reread your work and think a word needs tweaking, or a character needs different reactions in��dialogue. Some published books still have typos, too.

With projects like novels, most writers never finish their first draft because they spend time and energy editing the story as they write. To perfect it as they go.

But you don’t know how the novel goes until you write to the end of it. 

Like creativity, your project will change and flow. Especially in the beginning, as your first draft is the discovery draft; the foundation of the project. That’s not the time for tweaking, but the time for building.

So allow your first draft to be messy. Get the whole concept out first. Then, you will have better knowledge on how to edit the entire project. Not just parts of it that might change anyway as you get closer to the end. Don’t waste your precious time and creativity like that.

This is the same for me with poetry. I always focus on the poem’s core message first, then I’ll play with pretty prose and rhyming.

So focus on the journey of writing the draft and getting the full idea down. Again, creativity is fluid. Allow your writing to be the same.

My favorite book coach discusses perfectionism with the analogy of baking a cake. You can’t put icing on a cake without letting it fully bake first. Finish baking your draft to the end, then add the icing edits.

And there you have it! Those are my five main concepts to remember to get started with writing. And those are merely the tip of the iceberg of what the craft has to offer you–but remember, this is the time to have fun and discover!

Are you ready to dive in and get started with writing? I can’t wait to see what you create.

Happy writing!

[weightedblankettt]

An Analysis on the Literature Girl Insane MV!

Hey! You might not know me that much, as I’m not active in the DRDTheory community, as I’ve dubbed it, but my name is Blanket! Technically, this is a work of collaboration between the majority of DRDT Twitter, but it’s mainly just an analysis of stuff I couldn’t do by myself.

Okay, and now, onto the video!

So we start off with the spoiler warning. Pretty standard stuff, of course.

Many of my theories beginning here will be based on the colors and what I, personally, associate them with. Of course, the actual MV’s contents will be looked at further down the line. 

As a bonus, take note of what pops up right after that. It’s a question: Do you want to forgive... someone? We’ll answer this question later on in the theories section.

These are mainly just lyrics, but the “final verdict” part catches my eye, as I believe it isn’t in the lyrics further down the line. Perhaps it’s about the current trial? As many people believe, David did not kill Arei. His reasons for lying about doing so are unknown, but we can assume that the singer is calling the listeners idiots, because of their incorrect final verdict. Whatever David wants to do, it’s certainly not leading them to the right one.

Next, these lyrics. While I believe it’s fairly obvious that the pink is meant to represent the typical Danganronpa-esque color of their blood, the color that the word “game” is in is probably relates to David. After all, his hair clips and star eyes, both prominent features of his “facade”, are in the same color.

Here is where the most prominent part of the MV is, to me. The text that flashes across the screen during transition points. The first one, in white text, is an excerpt from Osamu Dazai’s “The Flowers of Buffoonery.” The book, while I’ll spare you the greater details, greatly describes themes of suicide. The story’s main protagonist, Yozo Oba, can be described as so: “-But the narrator, a self-conscious writer, makes frequent first-person asides, breaking the fourth wall as he comments on the quality or believability of the novel he is writing.” 

Something especially telling is this line, from an analysis of Yozo’s character. “Yozo is a person characterized by shame. Although I pretend to be someone who is confident and unabashedly themselves, that is not really true. I have always been ashamed of who I really am. I created a whole persona to interact with others because I believed my true self would never be enough.”

David’s character is someone very similar to that. Someone who has created a false persona to interact with others. Yozo is someone who feels resentful of other people, simply because he is forced to make them happy. “Yozo Oba is the tortured author and unreliable narrator of the three notebooks that comprise the bulk of No Longer Human. [That is the sequel to The Flowers of Buffoonery.] His appearance is depicted in three photographs examined by an unnamed narrator in the Prologue. These three photographs correspond to his appearance in each of the three notebooks. As a child, Yozo is precocious by design—an impish child who uses his antics to hide his fear, shame, and inability to relate to humanity. These fundamental flaws carry over into young adulthood; in the second notebook, he is a handsome young man whose smiling photograph lacks humanity, betraying the depth of terror and isolation that his comical persona seeks to hide. In the third photograph and notebook, he is only 27, but his gray hair and forgettable appearance prevent him from being labeled an ordinary human being.”

The quotes in yellow are from Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Orient Express.” The full quote reads as follows. "If you confront anyone who has lied with the truth, they usually admit it – often out of sheer surprise. It is only necessary to guess right to produce your effect." I think the relevancy of this line in terms of David can be explained with his actions so far. Fun fact: Similarly to Danganronpa, “Murder on the Orient Express” is a murder mystery. 

This is just a rickroll. DRDTDev thinks that they are FUNNY!? (They are.)

The “an archaic personal pronoun rarely used in real life, but popularized in fiction by the book” is most likely referring to thou/thy/etc. I’m not sure what this correlates to, but it’s probably important. I couldn’t find the green text, but from what I can tell, the green text probably relates to David’s nihilistic point of view towards humanity. Update: Bleuflower on Tumblr has located the source to be I Am A Cat by Natsume Soseki, so go check her out for that! If I had to say anything about that, it’d probably be relating to MonoTV, however, there’s also a continuation of David’s nihilism towards humanity that was also found in the Osamu Dazai references. The book itself is described as a “mordantly comic evocation of Sōseki's deep pessimism about his own humanity and indeed about humankind in general.”

The white text here is an excerpt from Osamu Dazai’s “No Longer Human,” which follows the same protagonist as “The Flowers of Buffoonery.” I’m sure you can all gather what that means in relation to David, but the main point is that he seems detached from his view of “normalcy.” @shidoutism on Twitter had this to say, as they’ve read the book itself: “OKOK so basically this first excerpt is from 'no longer human' by osamu dazai (its his last finished work because dazai sadly took his own life after publication of the book) now from the limited knowledge i have of david the meaning and message of the book might help in whatever analysis ur doing?? no longer human is about a man who never felt like he understood humans. like the title suggests, he never felt like a person. its revealed the protag was pretty sheltered and rich in childhood but experienced trauma from the familys housekeepers, but he never reported it. thats basically the start of it all as the protag grows up, he finds fear in communicating with humans. so he ends up either isolating himself and/or destroying all of his relationships with people. he's scared of people seeing the real him, so ever since he was a child he started putting up a happy, cheerful front. but it just creeped some ppl out bc it didn't feel genuine, it was more like a clown wanting to so badly entertain others. the protag starts resorting to bad coping mechanisms such as dr/gs and alc/hol and has many relationships with women to drown his sorrows and feel closer to being 'a human'. aaand the end of the book is kinda unsettling as the protag is sent to a rehab center and then when released, isolated himself somewhere far away without people, stating "everything passes. thats the one thing i learned in this living hell [somewhere along those lines]" and the book ends numbly like it feels like nothing”

I don’t know about you, but this sounds rather similar to our “protagonist.”

This quote is from “The Setting Sun”, by, you guessed it, Osamu Dazai. It tells a similar story, albeit with a different protagonist, but I feel like this ties in more with his facade, and how his inspirational speaking comes off to other people. Considering he is in his facade at this time of the MV, it’s safe to say that that’s what this is referring to.

And now, this all falls into place. These are the names of the Osamu Dazai books referenced in the text beforehand. The (I’m), next to No Longer Human, however, could signify how David views himself. Someone so sunken into depravity that they don’t register themselves as human anymore.

The faded text here is the first sentence of Yasunari Kawabata’s “Snow Country”. I don’t know what this refers to in terms of David, but this also seems important.

David still views himself as manipulative. Even if he does love people, even if he does have a semblance of care for those in his life, he views himself as an evil, irredeemable sack of shit, incapable of any emotion other than selfishness and cruelty.

This part is especially intriguing to me. David still wants to live, as anyone else does, but he can’t bring himself to find a reason to leave. His career is dead. He’s worthless, and nobody needs him around. Where would he go? There’s no room for him anywhere, even if he escaped, he’d just be shunned for good now that his entire life has been thrown away. 

The excerpt from “And Then There Were None” by Agatha Christie, describes someone losing motivation to leave the island. The island is a metaphor for the building, that the students are trapped inside, and David has lost the will to leave in the first place. He doesn’t want to leave, because there’s nowhere else for him to even go. He doesn’t have a home. He doesn’t have a fanbase. There’s nothing left.

The text here reads: “If you’re Hythlodaeus, then I must be Morus.” This refers to the work “Utopia”, written by Thomas More. The book follows Raphael Hythlodaeus, a man who claims to be from Utopia, a perfect place for everyone. His surname quite literally means “Bringer of Nonsense,” or something along those lines. While this may be a stretch, I believe that “Hythlodaeus” is referring to Pre-Reveal David, and “Morus” could possibly be either Post-Reveal David or someone affected by his speeches, for example Xander.

Also, I find it interesting how the girl in this frame, most likely David’s “sister,” Diana, and David himself are both tilting their heads at similar angles. It’s possible that their relation is hinted at through this, but I’m not sure.

The excerpt right here is from Kajii Motojiro’s entry in the Kyoto Journal, entitled “Lemon”. While some of the text has been altered, the main story is about a man who finds himself suffering, and walks through his neighbourhood only to find a greengrocer selling lemons. He goes home, and finds himself happier than before. I’m not sure what this means when it comes to David, however if you’d like, you can analyze for yourself and let me know.

https://www.kyotojournal.org/fiction-poetry/lemon/

This part doesn’t have any external references, but I believe that the lyrics here reinforce David’s worldview, that no matter what you do and how hard you try, “nobody ever changes.”

The star imagery here is a direct reference to David. Stars are representative of his happy facade, and when he loses the stars, he quits the bullshit. 

…And this frame. Alright, let’s start from the top. The electrocution definition is a callback to Xander, who’s referenced quite a few times in the video. The yellow text, which is from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s “The Little Prince”, is possibly a reference to David’s view on other people or himself- That nobody is special unless you were born special. However, the end of the text describes that if the boy were to tame the fox, the speaker, that they would need each other. I’m not sure if this is a description of manipulation, or a codependent relationship, but the David parallels are there. That, and the title of a “little prince” probably refers to David and how he’s idolized by many. The green text is, again, from “The Flowers of Buffoonery.” The full text is as follows. “A man crushed by reality puts on a show of endurance. If that's beyond your comprehension, dear reader, then you and I will never understand each other. Life's a farce, so we might as well make it a good one. But real life is a realm that I may never reach. The best that I can hope for is to loiter in the memory of these four days, so steeped with empathy. Four days that count more than

five or ten years of my life. Four days that count more than a lifetime.”

In reference to David, this is more representative of his true feelings. Not the asshole persona or the facade, but the genuine feelings he has. He already feels far too gone by his own standards, and constantly puts on a “show” for other people in the form of his speeches. 

The red text is possibly a person dealing with depression speaking on one of their symptoms. There’s no way I could find a source for such a short quote. A common symptom of depression is losing interest in things you previously found enjoyable.

The white text on the side describes someone who finds pleasure in solitude as opposed to being bossed around by other people. It’s a reference to David’s backstory, as someone who was pressured into putting on a performance for others, finding comfort in being alone rather than having to play pretend whenever around other people.

The white text at the bottom is a continuation of the white text at the top.

The only theory I can think of for this is that it’s a foreshadowing to either gaps in their memory or the amount of survivors left in the killing game being four. Not sure.

Update: I don’t know how I missed this, but the “11” next to the suspicious gaps refers to this. It’s possible that the suspicious gaps are gaps in their memory now, being as he doesn’t remember having an older sister, but her existence is most likely confirmed, as we saw her. 

This part here is referring to “Catch 22,” when the main character realizes that without a soul, humans are just… matter, if you will. Empty husks.

For this part, I had to call upon my not-so-trustworthy old friend, Google Translate! The translation of this from Latin is “I think, therefore I am (not.)” That’s what makes the most sense to me. We’ll refer back to this part later, for I have a different intention for it in my mind than David himself.

The dark blue text is another excerpt from “The Little Prince.” The prince in question is talking to a castaway, and the main takeaway of his words is that only your heart can tell you what you really need. If you were to simply look with your eyes, then what you truly need would be drowned out by the blinding light of superficial desires. I’m pretty sure that’s what that means. David is looking through his eyes, seeing a cruel world where nobody changes unless they were born to.

Now, let’s get into the next big part of the MV: The crossword puzzle. You might be wondering how this relates to David, but its moreso his own commentary on his classmates. Let’s go back to the latin. Pay attention to this reference of the solved crossword by raspbeyes on Tumblr. It will be very important for you to follow along.

Notice how there’s roman numerals in some of David’s lyrics? For example, this that we established earlier meant “I think therefore I am (not.)” This is referring to Rose. Her photographic memory can be linked to the description of “thinking.” The context of this may become clearer in future parts of the story. 

III. That’s Charles. “If you doubt brittle things are broken.” Is, in my mind, referring to his memories. He has a recurring element of not remembering things, but he doesn’t seem to be aware of this until Chapter 2. For example, his secret- “Your older brother died, but you don’t remember him at all.”

IV. Arei. Her breakdown sequence should be all you need to associate this with her.

V. This is Ace. He’s going insane, obviously, because of the paranoia and failed murder attempt against him. That, and he’s become more disheveled as the game progressed.

XIV. Veronika, correct? Substance to the arts relates to her talent as a Horror Fanatic. Naturally, she’d be related to things like that.

XV. Whit’s refusal to accept his mother’s death, staying ignorant to the tragedies around him, is one of the “happiest” members of the cast.

XI. Mai Akasaki is not mentioned in the current story, and all of her quotes hidden amongst the cast members describe her in past tense. She was someone everyone viewed as reliable, trustworthy, and perhaps, if you exaggerated it, as God.

These two walls of text are both from the same source: Hamlet’s Solliloquy of “To Be, or Not to Be?”

This is what the thing actually means, in case you aren’t aware, which even I wasn’t until just now. It represents David’s suicidal ideology, from what we can assume with the way he’s trying to get everyone to vote wrong in the trial for Arei, quite well. Whether he wants to live, or die, is most likely a constant struggle for David to answer.

Which is why he leaves it up to… whoever can answer.

This is an absolute reference to the trial. The class trial rules are overlaid over the death portrait texture, which is “conveniently” covering David’s face. The seventeen here is also telling, considering what the description has to say about it!

This is what I believe is David’s end goal. To get everyone executed as a result of his own hopelessness. By pretending to be the killer and antagonizing the class, he believes he can easily sway the votes by “manipulating the public” as he always believes he’s done. By getting everyone to vote for him, he can end the killing game and his own “pathetic life” in one fell swoop.

After all, it’s not like he believes they have a chance of winning and escaping in the first place.

And here, is where we left off in Episode 11. David completely drops his facade in order to effectively kill himself, along with everyone else. After realizing the hopelessness of his situation, he makes a drastic turn to accept it readily. Someone who self-sabotages continues to do so because they develop a warped perspective of having control.

And again referring to the description, the 12 near the “Tallying Votes” caption refers to this. It’s David’s way of justifying his selfishness, with a diluted form of justice serving as an “ultimately fair verdict to the trial.” 

However, David has always wanted to be loved. It’s why he even bothers with his facade, because he’s been putting it up for so long that disregarding his persona would effectively ruin everything he’s worked so hard to maintain in the first place. The repeated imagery of applause could also be a callback to his status as a celebrity, especially with how he reacted to Xander and Arei’s reliance on him.

While this does have a small fade of text pointing out that the “degraded copy” is the cover, which is not true because the MV is amazing, but. I believe this–

Oh. That’s literally it. Well, that makes one mystery solved!

Hey, look, we’re already halfway through! nice! Eden’s optimistic personality can be referenced here. She wants to live with everyone, together, and make sure that nobody gets hurt. 

This is another reference to David’s rambling on about how attempting to change is utterly futile, and that nobody changes. 

The yellow text is the definition of a television show, I believe. The blue text is an excerpt from “And Then There Were None,” by Agatha Christie. The full quote is this: “Breakfast was a curious meal. Everyone was very polite…. Six people, all outwardly self-possessed and normal. And within? Thoughts that ran round in a circle like squirrels in a cage…. ‘What next? What next? Who? Which?’...” …Do you get it? It’s a parallel to the killing game. Or, rather, how David views it. Everyone is terrified and scared for their lives, but they still greet eachother with mock kindness.

The blue text on the side is an excerpt from Shakespeare’s “Macbeth.”, and it goes like this: “I am in blood / Stepped in so far, that, should I wade no more, / Returning were as tedious as go o'er.” A critical analysis of the original work reads as follows: Shakespeare is saying here that Macbeth has involved himself in so many murders that it is as easy for him to carry on than to turn back. Macbeth compares his course of action with wading across a river of blood, creating a vivid image of his bloody reign. The word 'tedious' reveals the hardening of Macbeth's heart.

And now, the moment I’m sure most of you have been waiting for. Xander. Something I took notice of was that the cracks line up directly with his left eye, while his right eye is the one that’s actually missing in the game. Nonetheless, Xander clearly did mean something to David. Whether it be through his idolization of David, or if he inspired David in some way, his death had an impact on him. Manipulative persona or not. 

XVI translates to Hu from the crossword puzzle. He’s taunting her, similarly to how he did in the trial, although the ??? makes me wonder if it actually IS David…

XII, that’s Eden. I assume it’s because of her optimistic persona that she is standing in someone’s way, although we’re not sure who. 

For the next part, let’s say we take this at face value. It could definitely be referencing David allegedly pushing Arei to commit suicide, although this could also be something he internalizes, with the themes of suicide and wishing to be dead explored previously.

These are all repeats of the previous works included in the MV, like The Little Prince, Ozamu Dazai’s series, Agatha Christie’s works, etc etc.

Now, this is code, I’m assuming, but I tried translating it and couldn’t find anything. It’s a common encryption language. In case you want to translate it, it’s: 3aqxw97pktc8uki458fbdpfoacllex2f07bf8mg24b4mpfx2adc6v3f5yhxjd8i7sf11312zaj5lazet47jod5jczec5mvb6bz2o59r143sf2pe916sczcn7emvbl55ehe9iqb2708tt83482c8tw3c77gn47ojca634gbcfz0016s647wwlakcn46brcle0eam9

NOTE: @glorywelpchild on Twitter says… “For this, it may have been encrypted multiple times by different engines? I'm not a programmer so I'm not really familiar lmao. Another thing, it could be a type of programming the dev knows/commonly uses.”

The VI here is Arturo, but I don’t know what this means. Perhaps the description can give us some insight?

Hmm… Well, I don’t mind. Whatever you say.

Nico’s number is VIII, and this is referring to the defense they put up when asked about their intentions against Ace’s life. They claim they never thought about it, and “even if they try to think, they don’t know.”

This is Levi’s, as per the IX. 

I actually managed to find the original image in the background. It’s a study on Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9’s orbit around Jupiter for several years before crashing into the planet. While the name, Shoemaker Levy, may be a play on Levi’s name, I believe this is also referencing that he may die soon. Maybe this is a stretch, but the symbolism of a comet named “Shoemaker Levy” crashing into Jupiter being right under a symbol that represents Levi, our prime suspect in a game where being caught results in death, is too far to be a coincidence. Part of my theory for Chapter 2 is that Levi is the blackened, after all, but that is in a previous post. Nonetheless, we can move on.

This is “Enterance of the Gladiators.” While it is now associated with silly things like clowns, it was originally a military march song. Hmm, where have I heard this description before?

Ah, that’s right! In the description!

These two are relatively straightforward. The David we meet in the prologue is his facade, and it serves as an introduction. However, we are re-introduced to him with a whole personality change, and that comes delayed from all the others.

This is a direct reference to MonoTV and the throne in the trial room.

The truth bullets. Typical Danganronpa symbolism, and it’s also a neat little reference to Xander’s custom weapon.

References to some of the students. The dresser is Levi, the bowl of fruit is Rose, the gun is Xander, the teapot is Hu, and the candle is maybe J?

The clock is Eden, the portrait, maybe a reference to the game? The stupid kid’s toy might be Whit.

Teruko and Mai. Teruko’s misfortune and Mai’s idealization are both key parts of their characters.

The gavel, another reference. The kitchen knife, Min. The skull, Veronika. The mirror… Possibly Xander because we’ve seen him with broken glass earlier in the MV, but it might be David and his personas making another reference.

The mastermind, sitting atop their comfortable chair.

The noose is Arei, the gas mask is Charles, the mouse is Nico, the theater mask… Perhaps the mastermind again, or Veronika again. The safe is David’s locked away and suppressed emotions. These are all mainly theories based on observation, don’t take it as the wholehearted truth.

David being mentioned again with the hair clips. The lemon has been brought up beforehand, it’s a callback to the journal entry. The dummies represent David’s detachment from his humanity, and the television is a callback to the fact that they’re on a television show.

David views himself as a snake, a liar, a murderer. Snakes are common imagery to use when referring to the Devil as well. The blood is a callback to the killing game itself.

Either a reference to Min, or the fact that all the books are empty could be visual dramatization of David’s feelings. There’s supposed to be something in them, but the books are empty. The “various kinds” could also be how many personas he puts on, if that’s a prominent part of his backstory.

The killing game is being broadcasted, so that counts as terrorist iconography, if nothing else. Dandelions, while beautiful in their own way, don’t belong in a garden. The megaphone is David’s custom weapon, and it’s a way for him to broadcast his speeches to those around the world.

The letters are from the joke comic that the dev released. You know the one, where Xander writes a letter for David and he accidentally throws it away thinking that it’s garbage. The popular toy refers to the commercializing of the Tragedy, as Veronika explained on the first day of Chapter 2. How horror movies will put black-and-white designs in their films to up the fear factor because of the subliminal/primal fear of the design back in the days of the Tragedy. The flowers… No idea.

This is cleverly disguised, but it’s a reference to the debate between continuing to live and killing yourself. To be or not to be, to stop or to keep going, but they’re both lit up. How are you to do both at the same time? You have to make a choice.

Main Roles are David and Xander. It makes sense, considering they both have full-body moments and we know who they are. The crossed out name is Mai Akasaki, but the cut off name is a bit harder to decipher. Thanks to some inspiration and help, I’ve come to my final conclusion regarding this.

They are related to Arei, 100%. The letters match perfectly.

Even in comparison to Arei, the “N” in her name starts only a bit earlier, but that’s because the first word is probably only two or three letters, in comparison to the four letters in Arei.

Originally, I couldn’t translate any of these. All I could make out was that the first hand was Xander and the second hand was Min or Mai. However. @MAHIRUMILGRAM on twitter managed to translate them! They are as follows:

After this point, the truth bullet breaks through David’s words, similarly to how Teruko is fighting against David, despite the truth bullet being in agreement towards David’s idea.

There’s also this, which could be David trying to deflect us from the truth, or that the lyrics genuinely don’t relate to him. I’m leaning towards the former.

The white text at the top here is from a story, entitled “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas.” It is about a beautiful city where everyone is happy. However, their city is not as beautiful as it seems. They tell the story of how the townspeople have locked a child in a basement, and left it to suffer. Their happiness, as they’ve been told, requires a sacrifice. “Inside the room, which is behind a locked door, there are a couple of dirty mops, a bucket, and a young child. The child is ten years old, but looks younger. The child is scared and completely miserable. It is never allowed to leave the room. Occasionally, someone opens the door and kicks the child to make it stand up. The person fills the food bowl halfway with corn meal and grease, fills the water jug, and leaves. The child can remember what the outside world looks like and begs and pleads to be let out. The child is naked and covered in sores, and it wails at night in its misery. The people of Omelas all know about the child in the basement. They all understand that everything good about Omelas, from their abundance of food to the good weather, depends upon the suffering of the child. They all understand this because when children are between the ages of eight and twelve, they are brought to see the child, and this tradeoff is explained to them. During this experience, the children of Omelas are disgusted. They want to help, but they are told they can’t. If anyone helps the child by clothing, feeding, or otherwise caring for it, then the perfect happiness of Omelas and its abundance would die. Therefore, no one may even speak kindly to the child.” I wanted to include this because it describes David so well. Someone who has been cast away because they’re deemed useless to society, someone who’s happiness would destroy the happiness of anyone else. I find the story truly fascinating, as it might describe David’s suppressed emotions and the depressive tendencies he indulges himself in.

“Their tears at the bitter injustice dry when they begin to perceive the terrible justice of reality, and to accept it. Yet it is their tears and anger, the trying of their generosity and the acceptance of their helplessness, which are perhaps the true source of the splendor of their lives. Theirs is no vapid, irresponsible happiness. They know that they, like the child, are not free.”

“How you have felt, O men of Athens, at hearing the speeches of my accusers, I cannot tell; but I know that their persuasive words almost made me forget who I was—such was the effect of them; and yet they have hardly spoken a word of truth [alēthēs]. But many as their falsehoods were, there was one of them which quite amazed me—I mean when they told you to be upon your guard, and not to let yourselves be deceived by the force of my eloquence. They ought to have been ashamed of saying this, because they were sure to be detected as soon as I opened my lips and displayed my deficiency; they certainly did appear to be most shameless in saying this, unless by the force of eloquence they mean the force of truth [alēthēs]; for then I do indeed admit that I am eloquent. But in how different a way from theirs! Well, as I was saying, they have hardly uttered a word, or not more than a word, of truth [alēthēs]; but you shall hear from me the whole truth [alēthēs]: not, however, delivered after their manner, in a set oration duly ornamented with words and phrases.”

Do you remember, in the prologue, where Xander describes the “rumors” against David’s positive front? This is a direct parallel. Here, Socrates denounces the words of his attackers, similarly to how nobody truly believes the rumors except for the critics themselves. Even Xander was fooled by his charisma.

“Was't Hamlet wrong'd Laertes? Never Hamlet: If Hamlet from himself be ta'en away, And when he's not himself does wrong Laertes, 240 Then Hamlet does it not, Hamlet denies it. Who does it, then? His madness: if't be so, Hamlet is of the faction that is wrong'd; His madness is poor Hamlet's enemy.”

Hamlet blames his own insanity for the death of Laertes’ father. Just like David tries to get everyone killed, and blames himself for murdering Arei, because of his own insanity.

This is a line from the poem “Be Not Defeated by The Rain,” by Kenji Miyazawa. It describes a man wishing to become someone strong, someone who cannot be bested. I believe this is exactly what David wants, too. To be as strong and as hopeful as he is forced to pretend to be, instead of a hopeless mess who would rather die than be seen as worthless.

David reaches the height of his insanity, before finally quieting down after being basked in green light. I don’t know if this was intentional, but I believe that it represents how he’s given up on even death after the students manage to vote correctly, hence the green coloring.

And now, number 19.

I severely doubt that David will actually die in Chapter 3. That is not “foreshadowing,” that is just giving out the answer, and DRDTDev is much more careful than that. I believe this is a final representation of David’s suicidal ideologies. He says he will forget, he says guilt will not weigh him down, but he’s lying to himself. That’s why the stars are still behind him, because he’s still lying. He says he is satisfied, he says he’s okay with death, but when has David ever been truthful with us?

And he leaves an empty throne behind. Not because he is dead, but because he has relinquished his career and his reputation for nothing.

Even though he is missing, nothing else has changed. That is how he views his life.

And that concludes the main analysis of David’s MV! It’s such a beautiful thing, really, I don’t know how to phrase any of it properly. Thank you to everyone who’s read this far, and everyone who helped me out. The decoding and puzzles? Ah, I’ll let you all do that… But, maybe I can help a little! Blanket, out~! See you all next time!

[lurkingshan]

Kinou nani tabeta/What Did You Eat Yesterday?

You should know that I attempted to start this write up about half a dozen times before I managed to get a single word down. Every time I tried I just ended up staring at the wall. I don’t think I’ve been this emotionally stunned by a show since I Told Sunset About You, and I don’t say that lightly!

So, is this a good show? My god, YES. What an understatement. Let me tell you, as my MDL can attest, I’ve watched nearly 300 dramas. I’m sure I’ve watched even more Western shows since I had a 30 year head start on those. And I can say confidently that I’ve never seen anything quite like this gem.

Kinou nani tabeta, or What Did You Eat Yesterday?, is a drama about two middle aged gay men living their everyday lives, making and sharing food, reckoning with their identities and expectations, and figuring out how to be together in a long term relationship. That’s it, that’s the show. If that sounds boring to you, I gotta tell you: YOU ARE WRONG.

We meet Shiro and Kenji when they’re in their mid 40s and already a couple years into living together. Over the course of the show, we learn more about their relationship - how they got together, how they differ, where they struggle, where they shine, what they are still figuring out - and we see them work through it all, together. We see them at work, with friends, with their families, out in public, and in the privacy of their own home - we get a full and complete picture of their lives. And we are invited in to experience it with them and get up close and personal with their relationship in a way that feels both cozy and thrilling.

Now, I am not going to go into detail about everything that happens in this show, or attempt to provide deep analysis about its story, its characters, or the various cultures it depicts. This show was released in 2019, the manga began its run many years before that, and there are folks on this website - like @isaksbestpillow and @bengiyo - who have been at this a hell of a long time and thus have a broader context and lived experience from which to critically examine the show and its messages as they relate to Japanese familial values, life as a queer man from an older generation, and building community while living in a culture that is actively hostile to who you are. I implore you to go read their thoughts and learn from their wisdom. But what I will do is mention a couple (3… no 4, okay 5!) things that really made it stand out to me, a lifelong romance reader, avid media consumer, and drama enjoyer (I’m going to keep plot stuff vague because I hope if you’re reading this, you will be watching very soon!):

Let me repeat: this is a drama about a middle aged couple in a long term relationship, and the ongoing growth and deepening of their relationship is the main plot. Do I have to tell you how unique that is? The romance genre is rarely interested in what happens after the couple gets together, and even in other dramas featuring a couple in a LTR, the plot is usually about something else with the relationship in the background. And I’m fairly sure this is the only show of this nature in the entire bl genre (@absolutebl please fact check me if I’m wrong). In this show, the relationship is the point. It’s a rare look at what it actually takes to learn to deal with your baggage and share your life with someone, and I found it deeply moving.

My god these actors. With all due respect to the many fine actors in the bl industry, these two are on another level. We just never get to see seasoned actors of this caliber headlining ql dramas. If I have one tiny critique of this show, it’s that I found the moments when they let us listen in on the characters’ internal monologues mostly unnecessary - every emotional beat played out in their faces and body language. There’s this one scene I can’t stop thinking about, where the main pair are fighting, and one of them says something he doesn’t mean, and you see the regret on his face instantly, followed by a quick aborted movement as if to take it back, but his partner has already turned away and doesn’t see it. Just perfection. And the acting was so good in the finale (@waitmyturtles informed me my absolute fav moment was improvised for fucks sake) that it actually laid me out for like an hour, I was just sitting there in a crying daze.

The writing is so fucking smart. What’s absolutely brilliant about this show is that it’s structured like an episodic slice of life drama, but there is a deeper long term emotional arc at play and the writers forget nothing. Just like in life, in each episode something will happen, it won’t really get fully resolved, and the characters will move on. But on this show, it always comes back around, usually when your guard is down and they can inflict maximum damage by sucker punching you right in the solar plexus. I can hardly believe how many times this show managed to sneak attack me with emotional realness (official Shan cry count: 8/12 episodes caused me to burst into tears, sometimes more than once).

This show will take you through every possible destination on the spectrum of human emotion. I was so emotional while watching this show, in every sense. Crying both happy and sad tears. Swinging wildly between giddy delight, deep sadness, low key anger, and belly laughing. Sometimes the switch happens literally one scene to the next! And yet, there is an evenness to the tone and assuredness to the filmmaking that makes it all feel smooth. You never feel jerked around by the narrative. This is a credit to the writing, acting, and editing all coming together with perfect precision. The people who made this show are masters of their crafts.

OBVIOUSLY I MUST MENTION THE FOOD. Every episode of this show features at least one instance of a character making Japanese food that looks like the best thing you’ve never gotten the chance to eat. I do not recommended watching this without feeding yourself first, because it will have you salivating. And they don’t just show you the characters making the food (even narrating the recipes for you!), they always show you the characters actually eating and enjoying it. Some real foodies were involved in this production and as someone who loves to eat and absolutely was raised to view feeding people as a love language, I loved it.

So now that you are obviously dying to watch it, you must be wondering: where can I find this show? Let me point you to this post on @kinounaniresource, where the amazing Siiri has compiled all the video files and English subs you need. If you’re not familiar with how to use these, you’ll find instructions on her blog (if you get confused come ask me, please don’t bug her about it). I know sometimes shows being a little hard to access is a big deterrent to watching them, but please trust me that this is absolutely worth your time and effort, you will not regret it.

[nostalgiclittlespace]

Gender Binary and Age Regression

TW: Discussions of gender rules, mentions of k!nk

Being non-cis, genderqueer, nonconforming, or similar is an interesting experience in the Age Regression community.  I think that regression is very much accessible, and this is an overwhelmingly accepting community, but I don’t see the experiences being talked about much.  But why is that?  Especially considering the large demographic of regressors that aren’t cis?

So as I always do on this blog, I’ll talk about it myself!

Granted, I can only speak for my personal experience, observations, and analysis.  People experience both gender and age regression in very personal ways, so I don’t mean to erase or disregard anyone’s experiences that are different from what’s discussed. As such, I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on this subject.

Firstly, something I notice about the community, namely through aesthetic posts and blog presentations, is that it can be very binary at times.  This makes sense if you think about it. As children, most of us were raised with strict gender rules and expectations that we conformed to.  Girls were expected to play house, with dolls, or other nurturing activities.  Meanwhile, boys were expected to be messy and wild; toys like trucks and action figures encouraged more active play.  When we regress, it’s natural that these social expectations and rules come back. 

Additionally, a lot of children’s items are categorized into these binary standards.  As such, in the regression community we tend to see things that are femme or masc leaning.  Eg.  Almost all ‘girl’ toys are pink or purple. ‘Boy’ toys are blue or green.  Dolls and princesses are only ever marketed towards girls.  Cars and superheroes are only marketed to boys.  Walking into a toy store, you can clearly see that certain isles are meant to appeal to the gender binary.

Furthermore, I think that for a lot of people, having a binary regression is important.  For example, I know some trans regressors utilize Little Space so they can have the properly gendered childhood they didn’t originally receive.

Lastly, I wonder if (unfortunately) the k!nk community has something to do with it.  Granted this is all speculation, but DDLG is one of the most popular subsets of ABDL.  As such, a lot of adult sized baby items are geared towards femininity.  This probably doesn’t affect the actual regression community very much, but I think it has indirectly influenced the general population into gearing Little Space towards ‘girls.’  

Even unrelated to those k!nk communities, society is a lot more accepting of fem-presenting being childish than masc-presenting.  Boys are expected to grow up faster and be tougher than girls, at least in my experiences.  I’m gender-fluid, so I’ve seen personally that I’m a lot more self conscious about regressing in public when I’m masc.  It’s just not as accepted.

These reasons combined—original binary expectations we learned in childhood, the market for children’s items, repairing childhood, and outside social influences—make the regression community fairly gendered.  Again, I know this is an overwhelmingly welcoming and supportive community.  I haven’t seen any agere accounts that would discriminate based on gender, and many of us are genderqueer ourselves (me included!)

So is there a way we can make this community more inclusive to genderqueer/nonconforming people?  Yes, for the most part.  I’ve seen plenty of gender neutral regressors, blogs, and boards, which is a step in the right direction.   I think ‘boy-re’ is also gaining popularity for masculine regressors to get the attention they deserve. Of course, we alone cannot influence the entire world to be more accepting of breaking the gender binary.  But we can take steps within our community to ensure that anyone existing outside the gender binary is respected and recognized.

I also want to remind you all that this is not meant to take shots at any binary regressors.  Furthermore, some regressors who may seem binary on first glance can still be genderqueer. For some people, these experiences are very important, and that should be respected.

To all my fellow regressors,no matter how you present on the outside, and no matter your agere aesthetic and binary, you are a valid and loved member of the community.  I wish you nothing but kindness, acceptance, and lots of love!  Happy regressing, everyone!

—Marty 🦖

[philsmeatylegss]

One of the many unconventional, risky things that Glass Onion did that I’m obsessed with was setting up the story to look like Claire, Duke, Birdie, and Lionel were the protagonists and slowly revealing throughout the movie that they are actually the antagonists. The way the film starts makes it seem like the movie is going to be focusing mainly on Claire, Duke, Birdie, and Lionel’s story (especially Claire). It includes them working together to open the box. Showing that they are all prominent, popular public figures active in the community. And then the POV remains with the four of them for a good half hour before it very slowly shifts to Benoit and Helen. Through Helen and Benoit’s snooping, more and more bits of evidence are gradually revealed that then make you realize that the four of them are actually bad guys along with Miles. That Claire, Duke, Birdie, and Lionel were working with Miles the whole time. And it ties together finally towards the end when Miles burns the napkin and all of them immediately agree to not say anything, only changing their mind when their money and reputation was on the line. Claire, Duke, Birdie, and Lionel are the antagonists along with Miles. They had no character growth despite doing the right thing in the end. They only jumped ship when Miles no longer benefitted them. They didn’t do it because it was the right thing to do. I think it could be fairly argued that the four of them are just as bad, if not, even worse than Miles. And that’s a far jump from the start of the movie where these characters were portrayed as our main characters who would be the protagonists. It’s a really hard thing to pull off and I think it’s just very impressive that they accomplished it.

[thenightfolknetwork]

I have been debating if this is the place to ask for advice, but I need help with a problem.

For context, I’m a recent graduate from uni and gotten a decent paying job and currently renting a flat with a roommate. I still keep in regular contact with my parents and make a point to go to them or they visit for Fridays supper. My issue is my dad scaring off partners I have.

For context, me and my mum are Homo sapiens (which did make me wonder if I should message here) but my dad is a giant.

Now, I never had an issue with it and I’m fairly open about that with friends and some co-workers when they see the photo I have at home, though most ask if he still has the “I’m the dad that stepped up shirt” (he does) more than him being a giant.

The issue is recently whenever I invite a partner over to meet my parents, my dad always scares them off with things like casually showing his sharp teeth or how ‘fragile’ said partner is to him.

Now I know my dad isn’t a violent man, but that’s little comfort to my partners.

Everytime me or my mum tell him to stop, he just says “I just want the best for my little girl” and “if they ran off, they weren’t right in the first place”. Which only makes me think he still sees me as a child, not helped at times when he picks me up like when I was in primary.

It’s frustrating as it does feel like I’m trying to argue with a brick wall. Is there any advice to help out?

I'm very glad you decided to write in, listener. The advice given on this blog, and indeed on our radio programme, is intended for anyone struggling with issues related to the liminal world.

Not only does that not preclude sapios like yourself from writing in, but in fact, intergenus relationships and how we interact with others unlike ourselves are among the most common sort of question we receive.

So, to your question. I think you're right that your dad's behaviour is more in line with an outdated view of you as “his little girl”. Many parents find it difficult to navigate the transition from taking care of their children as children, and taking care of them as autonomous adults.

The issue isn't that he wants to help keep you safe. It's that his specific behaviour in this case is inappropriate.

There are three points at which you can address this behaviour: before, during, and after. When you are planning to bring a new partner home, find some time to speak to your dad one-on-one and tell him about your concerns.

Avoid making accusations here. Tell him that you're excited to bring your new partner to meet your family, but you're concerned that they might not be made to feel welcome. Let him know that you understand that he loves you and wants the best for you, but that his behaviour is actively upsetting you.

You can also discuss with your partner and your mother about how you are all going to react if your dad does indulge in this bad behaviour during the meal itself.

During the dinner itself is no time to launch into an in-depth, emotional conversation. Your dad will be in no mood to listen, and there's a risk he'll feel pushed into a corner and react poorly.

Instead, you, your mother and your partner should react to his behaviour as you would to anyone being unnecessarily rude in public. Stay calm, and give him a moment to correct himself – preferably a good, chilly moment. If he doesn't take the opportunity to smooth this over, ask him outright, “Do you know how that comes across?”

With any luck, he'll catch on and apologise. If he doesn't gloss over the moment with all the awkwardness you can muster. If he tries to defend himself, change the subject. Don't worry about making him feel uncomfortable – discomfort can be extremely educational.

After the meal, leave it a little while before bringing it up. I'm not advocating you give your dad the cold shoulder. If you would usually communicate in this time period, by all means, do so. But don't launch into the conversation all at once.

When you do bring it up, again, you want to remain calm and communicate clearly. You know your dad loves you, and wants the best for you. You want him to be part of your life and that means spending time with your partners. But his behaviour is making that difficult. Hopefully, this will be enough to convince your dad that he would do a better job of looking after you if he stopped throwing his weight around.

At the end of the day, though, you can only control your own choices, not his. If he insists on carrying on in this way, take steps to limit the possible damage he can do. Instead of introducing him to your partners early on in the relationship, wait a while. Concentrate on getting to know your new partner, and strengthening your bond with one another.

Then, when the time comes to introduce them to your family, you can rest easy in the knowledge that your dad can show his teeth and flex his muscles all he wants. The only thing he's going to achieve is making himself look ridiculous.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[wynnyfryd]

re: the ask where another anon said they felt the fandom dying

hi! i watched the entire show for the first time about 2 weeks ago (at the ripe age of 19, sue me) and ohhhhhh my god. oh my GOD. im obsessed and this is the first fandom ive ever been interested that wasnt totally dead and im SO glad there are authors and artists active and making things!! im probably abt to binge read all of your stuff after reading the trailer park au (which i adore btw. please tell me there will be more.) idk what the fandom was like before, but i just started writing my first steddie fic and im so happy theres a community that seems nice and fairly active <33

YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE BEAN THIS IS SO CHARMING I’M SO CHARMED.

ahem.

if you’ll allow me to be one of those annoying old people having a crisis about the passage of time for a hot second, this message just got me thinking about the 14yo version of me who was first discovering fandom and fanfic on ff.net, and what a fucking revelation that was to a lonely bookish young dweeb. to realize that you could just… add? whatever you want?? any story you love, you can just take it and make it your own personal barbie doll and no one can tell you what not to do??? incredible. absolutely delightful. and you’re so much closer to that girl than i am now on the timeline and i’m- i’m—! 😭😭

i’m being so aggressively 30 about this lmao i’m sorry. local woman is spoken to by a youth and has an all lowercase meltdown about it. more at 9.

anyway, welcome. there’s definitely a thriving group of clever, passionate, and talented creators in this fandom; honestly there are too many writers and artists i admire on this site to even begin to name them all, but here’s a couple you can check out to start (my blog is also full of art and fic recs, and you can find some fantastic writers through the @steddiemicrofic challenge): @aidaronan @thefreakandthehair @palmviolet @eddywoww @maikaartwork @inklessletter @cranberrymoons @bpillustrated

(to answer your question, yes, there will be more of the trailer park au. current plan is to write a new part each day until i have enough for a chapter, then publish the chapter on ao3; rinse and repeat through the end of nanowrimo and see where that gets me. so far i’m finding it a lot easier to stay focused on a single continuous story when i write in little daily snack bites like this, but we’ll see how the rest of the experiment goes 🤷‍♀️ i’m having fun with the story for now, so that’s really all that matters.)

…jesus christ, i wrote you a novella my absolute bad

- wynn 🦇

[wounds-seen-and-unseen]

Whumpas in July: Day 1 and Day 2

Late entry to Whumpas! (unfortunately it is almost July 3 in my timezone, but my previous attempt was deleted by Tumblr instead of getting posted, I still hope it counts)

Day 1: Introduce yourself

Hi everyone! I’m Nila, I go by Archer as well. I am an intern physician from India. My main blog is @ambidextrousarcher which is a reference to an Indian mythical character, Arjun, who is often a protagonist/PoV character in my stories.

I discovered that finding hurt/comfort interesting has a specific name to it fairly recently, but since I found the community, I have avidly enjoyed a lot of good whump! Sadly, due to lack of time, I can be a bit of a lurker sometimes.

My favourite medium of whump is prose, although I am discovering an interest in visual mediums of whump lately as well.

I am trying to write my whump stories but am unfortunately in a trough with regard to inspiration, I hope that Whumpmas helps a little with that!

I would like to end this intro with a shoutout to @whumperofworlds @i-eat-worlds and @whumpninja for being really sweet with me when I just entered this community, as well as @redwingedwhump whose writings were crucial in inspiring me to be a more active (such as it is) member of this beautiful community!

Day 2: Favourite Tropes

Here is a non-exhaustive list of my favourite tropes: (Top 3 + 2 extras)

1. The “good” whumpee: The whumpee who is in this mess because of a moral reason, usually heroic. Self-sacrifice, whumpee with a code of honour, whumpee who endures for a greater cause, whumpee who tries not to let caretaker just how badly they are hurt, the list goes on.

2. The unravelling of the stoic whumpee: Whumpee who is stoic (usually an extension of the “good” whumpee aka they want to protect caretaker) until. It is just too much. They lose control over the pain, and tears ensue. Especially love it if whumpee in their PoV is trying to keep a smile on their face just for caretaker’s sake, and that is precisely what hurts caretaker the most.

3. Misunderstood whumpee: Whumpee who is, intentionally or unintentionally, misunderstood. By a loved one, the system itself, someone they idolize, you name it, I probably love it.

4. Caretaker PoV at crucial moments: Moments like “Oh, God, this can’t be anyone else but this person I care for/love.” Moments where Whumpee is having a breakdown. I love caretaker’s PoV when it is carefully used.

5. Historical period whump: Historical fiction is my favourite genre, and there are so many whump possibilities in this genre!

So ends my post for Day 1 and Day 2 of @whumpmasinjuly

Also tagging @whumpmasinjuly-archive

Much love,

Nila aka Archer