#I’m eating a microwave burrito

[browngonzo888]

[sepiasys]

Why am I like- forgetting my tags for my blog? Like the tagging system. I switched acct on tumblr app bc post limit bullshit ykyk? I’m gonna pretend that’s why /hj

[ajortga]

cute and absolute

pairing: jenna ortega x actress!fem reader

word count: 1.8k+

summary: it doesn't go unnoticed that you are one of the only people that jenna lets her walls down with.

based off request!

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Where Jenna only accepts r's touch ??? Tyy

-🥝

-

Jenna is squirming in the car, screaming at her friend to drive faster so she can eat. 

“I’ve been on set since 6 fucking AM! It’s been 10 hours and I’m hungry! I skipped breakfast for this damn shit! What the hell do you mean you can’t get a burrito right now? All I want is a damn burrito and you’re telling me that we have to pick up Y/N, our friend, and first buy the book you wanted because it’s closer? CLOSER?” She screams, gripping her knuckles that were already white enough.

Jacob, one of Jenna’s friends laughs hard, a little threatened but not enough to be stopped. “It’ll only take 15 minutes at most! It’s more convenient, the bookstore is along the way and closer to our location, then we can just buy any burrito you want aft-” 

“CLOSER? YOU KNOW WHAT’S CLOSER?” Jenna throws her arms up in dramatic effect, huffing, “Me going insane! My sanity is at 10% right now, and if I don’t get my burrito this instant, I’m going to crash this car and fucking run to the nearest place that has a burrito. DON’T touch me!” She yells, smacking her friend's arm away because she cannot think properly at this moment.

“I’m STARVING, and I’m a woman who needs food to survive in this film ECONOMY! Can’t you drive any faster?-"

Jenna suddenly hears your voice outside from the slightly opened car window. She peeks her eyes out, her hands holding the glass. She suddenly sees you, looking sweet, happy, and perfectly sane as you come out of your driveway. “Hi, Jenna!” You exclaim, completely unaware that she was just ballistic for a burrito 5 seconds ago.

Her frustrated demeanor melts off suddenly, a goofy grin on her face as she sees just how happy you are. She brings her hand up, waving. “Hi!”

She just forgot how hungry she was and the person she just was less than a minute ago. Why was she so upset that she had to wait longer so Jacob could pick you up? She stopped feeling the need to bang her head on the nearest wall. 

“Jacob was telling me that you had a long time on set, something about how I had to save him because you were going crazy, so I got you some snacks.” You pull out a bag filled with goodies from your pantry.

The man that was driving stuttered as Jenna slowly turned to him, “I did not say it like that.”

“Oh yeah?” You ask, grabbing your phone and swiping and squinting. “It says here, “Please save me from this woman, she’s acting like a toddler that just shit her pants. SOS, crying crying emoji..” Um, oh and here. “This girl is so dramatic, complaining about not getting her burrito, she's wailing in the back seat. Please save her.” Don’t lie to me.” You state with a grin as Jenna munches on chips.

He rolls his eyes, grumbling. 

Jenna interrupts, “Okay, Jacob, you traitor.”

“You cannot be talking, slapping my arm away when I try to calm you down but Y/N being some sort of angel and making you all cuddly.”

The fuming brunette slowly turns back to normal as you slither your arm around hers, laying your head on her shoulder. “Glad to know you love me. How was filming without me?”

Jenna sniffs, letting you ruffle her hair, “One of the directors was trying to show us how the scene should play out, the popcorn in the microwave caught on fire.”

You nod, awkwardly as you look around. “Was it your popcorn?” You guess.

She huffs and sinks into you, “Yes, and now I'm starving."

-

Aliyah is losing her mind. First, her father was fixing the doorbell, and now it seems to be ringing on its own. Now, her older sister won’t cooperate as she tries to steady Jenna’s legs that are in the air. The brunette shrieks, causing Aliyah to pull away and make her tumble.

Aliyah groans, “This is the thirteenth time already! Let me make this clear, you asked me to help you do this random one handed handstand, but you won’t let me even touch you so I can get you into the right pose? You’re so weird.” 

Jenna shrugs, her head on the floor as she hangs upside down from the couch. “I am letting you touch me!”

“No you aren’t! You start shrieking and then falling face flat when I do! How the hell are we going to make this work if you won’t cooperate?”

The two siblings hear some shuffling as you crawl through the dog door, fitting yourself in. They blink, staring at you as you wiggle yourself through and throw a hand in the air, showing that you brought food. “Burritos!”

“Y/N! What are you doing? Go through the back door you doofus! You could’ve just knocked!”

You finally manage to squirm your way in as you stand up, brushing some leaves off of you and throwing them into the trash. You flip your hair, crawling through doggy doors were one of your talents. You signal her Jenna to hear you out as you put up a finger, “First of all, I was ringing the doorbell like, five thousand times, then I knocked, and no one was answering! I’m not letting the food get cold.” You pause, looking at Jenna who is currently staring at you upside down and hanging from the couch. “What on earth are you doing?”

“Trying to do a one handed handstand.” 

“Oh, wait. Oh! I know how to do that!” Happily, you hand her sister the bag with burritos and tacos, before collapsing to the floor.

There was awkward silence as Jenna and Aliyah stared at each other, “Um..”

Jenna always knew you as the silly girl across the block. Even after 5 years of friendship, she thinks you’ve just gotten sillier.

“That wasn’t it, I haven’t done it in a year. Hold on.” You position yourself, slowly doing a handstand. Jenna can see your shirt slowly rising up and showing your stomach as you keep yourself steady. You lift an arm off and hang it up. “Did I do it?”

Jenna giggles and flops down the couch. “Yeah. I think so.” She crawls behind you and picks up your body that was upside down.

“Hey!”

-

“Okay, slow and steady..” You say softly, squinting and holding Jenna’s legs, making sure she was in the right position. “Aliyah, try steadying her while she puts one arm up.”

“No way, nope.” She argues, eating her taco, “She literally kept shrieking when I tried to and starting kicking and squirming.”

“She’s not shrieking right now?”

“Well you’re just different I guess, you’re her best friend, so..”

You raise your eyebrows, a smile tugging on your lips as you tickle Jenna and make her fall on you. “You just love me, don’t you!?” You giggle, hugging her as she squeals and nuzzles against you.

-

It was late in the evening as you got changed into pajamas and flopped onto your bed. Nights like this always felt better, where you would switch on a show, read a book, or call friends. You decide to check some emails, looking over some asking for you to star in movies, replying to companies that want you as their ambassador, you click out of the tab. 

A small ding sounds on your phone as you see that Emma had texted you. 

meh meh myers: LMAO look at this article i found about u and jenna: https://hypotheticalsofcelebrities

y/n: okay my own researcher and detective, or should i say pippa fitz amobi? u get me?

y/n: lemme go check it out

meh meh myers: yus ily

y/n: ur the pip to my ravi 🥺

meh meh myers: corny

You laugh at yourself as you open the link, the article named ‘Escalating Relationships, Cute or Absolute?’

You roll your eyes and scroll down.

Fans say that they’ve picked up on the actress’s behavior, scooting away from castmates who’ve gotten too close during interviews and only staying close to one or two close ones. Not that she’s uncomfortable, taken from the way she seems unfazed most times. But, it is noticed that she seems like a bundle of happiness with individuals. A clip right here shows her with a fellow castmate, Y/N L/N, both starred in the famous series, Wednesday. It is caught on how Ortega was silently making sure that her friend was okay during an interview that had turned a little more uncomfortable for the other girl, squeezing her hand and clinging onto her. It seemed to have worked, for how the girl began to relax. What a friendship they have!

The tiny moments of comfort and physical touch occur in other interviews too, as well as cute Instagram comments on each other's posts that come off as playful flirting. Some comments are pasted here.

Jenna Ortega commenting on Y/N’s post of a photoshoot press for Wednesday last year in September:

jennaortega: That’s my girl

Another one on a post of the girl just doing an Instagram photo dump this year in March:

jennaortega: if you squint closely you can see me doing the dishes for my wife in the third photo

jennaortega: i will take your last name if i have to

jennaortega: my woman, i love you

Y/N L/N commenting on a post for Jenna’s Adidas campaign last year in November:

y/n_l/n: i will be the only one applauding the longest for u

y/n_l/n: tis is why i got adidas merch

Fast forward to Christmas with a dump of Jenna’s favorite people (Y/N included) in December last year: 

y/n_l/n: I love you this is why I wanted to bake the turkey

y/n_l/n: merry christmas to my favorite person

Another one to a selfie of Jenna posted this year in April:

y/n_l/n: oh i’m interested, what’s your number?

y/n_l/n: sign my contract to be with me forever? comes with a long time of house wife chores!

-

What do you think? Are they just really good friends with the cutest flirting? Or secretly dating? Answer us down in our poll, cute, or absolute?

Final vote with 20K votes

Cute: 24%

Absolute: 76%

—

carrots4life: but like, their relationship is both cute and absolute! why aint that a option?

mangofrosties: they are def dating istg i’ve never seen them both this happy unless they are together

-

You smile, looking away from your laptop as you kick your feet. You do feel like Jenna had a soft spot for you, she always hugged you first, tried picking you up, falling asleep with each other on set. But she was just your best friend, you would all say to interviewers.

The door slightly creaks as you turn, smiling. “Hey baby, I think you should see this.”

Jenna flops on the bed with you, letting you cuddle her as she kisses you and reads your screen, a goofy grin on her face.

“I guess they caught on that we might be more than friends. I mean, it's not a lie that we are best friends, girlfriends is just a small little detail."

“Cute and absolute.”

[padfootagain]

Love in verses (XXVI)

Chapter 26: ‘Well, how else are you to live except by denial’

Hi! Here is a new chapter! This is one of my favourites, just… some adorable stuff!

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 4227

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

Earl

In Sitka, because they are fond of them, People have named the seals. Every seal is named Earl because they are killed one after another by the orca, the killer whale; seal bodies tossed left and right into the air. “At least he didn’t get Earl,” someone says. And sure enough, after a time, that same friendly, bewhiskered face bobs to the surface. It’s Earl again. Well, how else are you to live except by denial, by some palatable fiction, some little song to sing while the inevitable, the black and white blindsiding fact, comes hurtling toward you out of the deep?

Louis Jenkins

The pain in your abdomen was a sensation you were used to, sadly. You recognized the pattern in the intensity, you knew it perfectly after years of suffering once a month. This month seemed to be particularly nasty though, and there was little doubt on to why. Your stress was so high these days, between your new job, your research, your career, and Frank’s bloody wedding… You were drowning, to be fair. Drowning in an ocean of emotions. You bent in front of your sink, waiting for the wave of pain to fade again, closing tightly your eyes, while the microwave beeped with the heating pad now reaching a burning temperature. You placed it on your stomach, not caring about your skin, only about the pain under it.

Damn… that was a bad month…

You stood straighter again, letting out a long and careful exhale, relaxing once more. Your head was spinning a little, but you didn’t dare to eat too much for now, your nausea was too bad and you didn’t want to end up throwing up. You settled for a bit of rice and an apple for lunch.

You were supposed to see Andrew this afternoon, but there was no way you could plan on fucking up Frank’s appointment at the tailor when it was hard to stand… At least, it was the weekend, you didn’t have to deal with work, and could spend your day being a burrito on your couch while watching TV and eating junk food.

You were supposed to shop for groceries in the morning, but you didn’t have the strength for that either, so you decided that you would get some food delivered for the rest of the weekend and would tackle the issue of not dying of starvation on Monday.

You sat down on your couch, at long last, heaving a sigh of relief. You held the heating pad against your stomach, covered yourself with a blanket and grabbed your phone while you turned on the TV.

You pressed on Andrew’s name on whatsapp while the tu-dum noise of Netflix echoed in your living room.

You heaved a sigh…

… you had forgotten tea… never mind, you were too much in pain and too tired to be bothered making some tea now that you were seated.

Back to your phone, you typed your message quickly.

Hi Andy! Sorry, but I’m not feeling well today, gonna have to cancel for this afternoon. We’ll talk about our plans next week. Hope you have a nice weekend, see you on Monday! Xx

You pressed ‘send’ and started browsing in the list of movies available on your TV screen.

Your phone lit up with Andrew’s name.

Sorry to hear that! Are you alright? Do you want me to drop you something?

You were too tired not to acknowledge the warmth that spread in your chest as you read his text.

Nothing to worry about, don’t worry.

His answer was quick to arrive.

Are you sure? You want me to drive you to a doctor or something?

You chuckled at his obvious worry. He really was too sweet…

No, I’m okay. Period being bitches, that’s all. I can handle it.

He answered with a thumbs up right under your text, right when you found Pride and Prejudice was on Netflix…

Well, it looked like your afternoon was all set.

You cursed under your breath. You didn’t have any snacks. Not even chocolate… and your kitchen was so fucking far… a whole ten steps away…

Damn you and your stupid brain.

You were surprised when you received another text from Andy.

So, what’s planned for today? Did you get your groceries this morning?

You snorted at the mere thought.

Nah. Too much in pain. Too tired to go to the kitchen and make myself tea, so imagine going outside with people?! No, thanks.

I’m gonna spend my afternoon with Mr. Darcy instead.

You waited for his answer, ignoring your TV now.

The Keira Kinghtley movie?

You sent him a thumbs up.

Will you hate me if I admit that I’ve never watched that film?

You almost dropped your phone.

YOU’VE NEVER SEEN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?!

OH THAT’S IT! DISHONOUR! DISHONOUR ON YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!

He sent a laughing emoji.

You’ve forgotten the dishonour on me and my cow too…

You couldn’t refrain a laugh, even though it hurt your stomach.

You don’t have a cow. But I’ll take it out on Elwood.

You could picture the grin on his face at the joke.

HOW DARE YOU! HE’S SUCH A GOOD BOY!

Elwood, my son, don’t listen to the nasty lady…

You laughed again, but quickly stopped this time, the pain getting too strong.

You didn’t think as you wrote your next text.

You could drop by and watch it with me.

You reread the text and realised your mistake; your eyes grew round. You were in your old pyjamas, you hadn’t showered and had no intention to do so, your hair was a mess, you hadn’t washed your dishes…

You wanted to delete the text, but the blue symbols under it let you know that he had already read it.

Damn it!

I mean… I’m in pain, grumpy and look like trash…

So… maybe not the most pleasant way to spend your afternoon.

Feel free to refuse.

You waited for his answer, watched the dancing dots, until a text was received.

I’d love to, actually.

Besides, I am not five, I know about menstrual cycles, thank you very much…

You bit on your lips as you hesitated.

You’ve never seen me like that.

 A pause. You guessed that he had rephrased his text several times.

Would that make you feel uncomfortable?

You thought about it for a second. Frank didn’t really pay attention to that part of you. It was cliché, but you knew he was making a conscious effort to acknowledge your period and how much of a burden they were to you. You saw it as him making an effort at the time. Now, you were worried Andrew would be the same, with typical disappointing male behaviour…

And yet, you didn’t care. You couldn’t find a way to care. You couldn’t imagine Andrew, out of all people, disappointing you on that. Perhaps it was naïve, you weren’t sure. Your answer was earnest anyway.

No

His answer came in a matter of seconds.

Give me forty minutes to come over then.

You smiled.

An hour then.

You laughed again at his answer.

Gobshite…

You didn’t select the movie for now and merely watched some crappy TV instead, with whatever was on.

You tried not to pay too much thought on how excited you were at the idea of Andy coming soon…

Andrew ended up ringing at your door an hour and fifteen minutes later, proving you right about his time blindness, and the thought made you smile. You had washed your dishes waiting for him, using a fifteen-minutes break from the pain to stretch your legs and attempt to look like a human being. The pain was soon back with full strength though, and you gave up on the idea to change into a proper outfit. You remained in your comfortable pyjamas, tied your hair up to hide the mess it was, and went back to suffering on the couch, the heating pad growing colder and less effective, but you were too tired to get up again.

You groaned as Andrew rang at your door, forcing yourself to stand. You couldn’t hold yourself completely straight, not with the pain in your stomach being now combined with a sharp stinging sensation in your lower back. You opened the door still, and welcomed Andrew with a genuine smile.

He was wearing his hair in a bun today, his glasses perched on his nose, and a warm smile on his lips as his gaze rested upon you. He looked gorgeous in a simple brown jacket, dark jeans and a black turtleneck. You couldn’t refrain the way your heart fluttered at the sight, nor the butterflies that were added to your painful stomach.

“Hey! God, you do look like shite,” he exclaimed, but there was worry in his frown despite the obvious teasing in his voice.

“Thanks for the compliment,” you stuck your tongue out, and he couldn’t refrain a chuckle.

He walked inside, took off his shoes and jacket, and it’s only when he set the bags on the floor to do so that you noticed them.

“What’s that?” you asked.

“Groceries.”

You looked up at him with a puzzled look.

“Jeez… if you were busy this afternoon, you should have declined!”

He laughed, and you were more puzzled than ever.

“These are for you,” he clarified, picking up the bags again.

You blinked up at him.

“For… me?”

“Yeah… you said you didn’t get any groceries this morning. Can’t let you starve! Come on, get a move on, these need to go in the fridge.”

You let him pass, followed him in your kitchen. He started to empty the two paper bags on your kitchen counter.

“I didn’t get you much, just enough to last for a couple of days. Pass the weekend. Nothing that needs fancy cooking either, don’t worry. Mostly pasta, rice, and a few vegetables and fruits. I also got some take out for tonight, so you don’t have to bother with cooking today. Chinese, hope you’re in the mood for that. And then, the obvious ice cream, crisps and chocolate combo. Oh, and I bought you this tea! My mom recommended it once for menstrual cramps to one of my cousins, and it’s apparently pretty nice, so… thought you could use that too.”

He looked up at you then, after his little babbling. He frowned at your expression though, and you noticed the shift in his demeanour: the way he shrank, bending over himself instead of standing straight, with his full height. Trying to look smaller than he was, to occupy as little space as possible. He rubbed nervously at his collarbone.

“I… I thought it would make things easier for you. I… I’m sorry if I’m overstepping… if you… sorry. Sorry…”

But he was interrupted by your arms around him; you almost tackled him with the strength, and you heard the loud huff he let out at the impact. It took him a couple of seconds to close his arms around you too, but then it felt like he was unwilling to ever let go.

“Thank you so much,” you mumbled into his chest. “That’s… so fucking sweet, Andy.”

“That’s nothing,” he tried to brush your thankfulness away, but you could hear in his voice that he was smiling again, feel that his body was relaxing once more. “I didn’t mean to overstep… I just… I just thought it would make it easier for you.”

You spotted your favourite chocolate on the table, along with some ice-cream.

“These are my favourite,” you whispered.

“I know.”

“You didn’t have to do that…”

“It’s nothing.”

You didn’t say it. You didn’t say that Frank had never done that for you. And Andrew did? When he wasn’t your boyfriend? When he didn’t even have feelings for you?

“Do you need anything else?” he asked, rubbing your back, and the caress was so soothing you were ready to cry. “Painkillers or something? I can go to the pharmacy…”

“I’ve got that covered, don’t worry. Thank you.”

“Right…”

Another cramp came breaking your embrace, you let out a groan as you held your painful stomach. You tried not to think of how your heart stumbled and missed a few beats when Andrew brushed a messy strand of your hair behind your ear.

“You really don’t look well. You should sit down.”

“I need to reheat my heating pad…”

“I’ll do it. I’ll do that, love. Sit down, okay?”

‘Love’… he had called you ‘love’… You wanted to cry…

Why were you so affected by it? It was Andy. It was Andy, not Frank, and you wanted Frank, you wanted Frank, you wanted…

He walked into the living room about 10 minutes later, carrying your heating pad under his arm, ice cream and some chocolate. He had to go back to the kitchen to fetch your two cups of tea.

“Alright… need anything else?”

You shook your head, and he settled on the sofa next to you. Readjusted the blanket so it would cover your feet. You didn’t recognise the flavour of the tea, you reckoned he had made a cup of the one his mother had recommended.

You refused to name the feeling that was spreading across your entire body, the unbearable fondness aimed at Andrew that came with it.

I want Frank, I want Frank, I want Frank…

“Alright, let’s watch Mr. Darcy getting rejected…” he grinned at you, as if he was at his happiest, as if he couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend his afternoon than to watch Pride and Prejudice with you while nursing you back to health because you were on your period…

You scoffed, trying to hide the tears in your eyes by looking for the movie on Netflix again.

“He doesn’t just get rejected. They do get together at the end, you know?”

“Thanks for spoiling it all to me…”

“Wait… you told me you read the book…”

He laughed.

“I did! I was joking, like… It was a joke. I did read it. I simply haven’t watched any adaptation.”

“Wow… Oh… so you haven’t seen the one with Colin Firth either?! The BBC series?”

“Nope…” he answered, popping the ‘p’ before taking a sip of his tea.

Two teabags. As always. The detail made you smile.

“Okay, that is going to be our next activity together.”

He laughed, but didn’t contradict you, on the contrary.

“Well, I guess my next Sunday is all booked…”

“Indeed, it is!” you grinned, but your tone was too soft not to show how emotional the thought of spending another afternoon like this with Andrew made you feel.

He didn’t comment on that, though, and you were grateful for it.

He reached for your coffee table, where he had put the two sets of ice-cream and spoons, and handed you one.

Your heating pad was back on your stomach, warm and effectively soothing your cramps. You seized the opportunity to eat a large spoonful of chocolate ice cream.

You moaned at the taste.

“Andy… this is perfect, I hope you’re aware of how amazing you are.”

He chuckled, but there was something a little sad in his eyes when he looked down at his food, a tinge of melancholy. You didn’t know why.

“Bribing you with chocolate is the way to your heart, then,” he joked, clearly stirring the conversation away from himself, while pushing his glasses higher on his nose.

“Of course,” you rolled your eyes, starting the film.

You exchanged another smile, while the movie started. You didn’t realise your own movements as you scooted closer to him on the couch, and neither did he notice how he leaned towards you, until your arms were softly touching.

“You have bewitched me, body and soul. And I love… I love… I love you…”

You heaved a sigh after whispering the words in sync with Mr. Darcy, clutching at your heart, burying your face further in Andrew’s shoulder.

You weren’t sure when you had ended up in Andrew’s arms, but you were now. He had wrapped an arm around your shoulders at one point, noticing how livid you had become because of the pain, how you had tried to withhold your wince but failed. And it was meant as a temporary anchor, a soothing gesture that should have lasted just a few minutes, until the pain subsided again. But when you relaxed once more, he didn’t pull away, and instead of freeing yourself from his hold, you leaned closer, sank deeper into his embrace. And now, he was resting his long fingers on your waist, while you leaned into his chest.

Which was… better not think about boundaries and friendship and professional behaviour and all those limits you were breaking.

Meanwhile, Andrew was brushing a tear away, but you spotted it before he could pretend it hadn’t happened.

“I know… I know…” you patted his chest, trying not to notice that you were touching his chest. “I cry every time too.”

“For proof,” he chuckled, brushing your tear away with his thumb, making your heart stutter and expand to the point that you wondered how it hadn’t broken any of your ribs yet.

“It’s Jane Austen’s superpower, Andy… we can do nothing against it,” you concluded before nuzzling into his chest again.

“I’ll have to agree,” he nodded.

You noticed how his breathing was a little irregular for a moment, when you shifted to be a little more comfortable in his arms, but he didn’t push you away, didn’t move at all, in fact. Instead, he waited for you to settle again, readjusted the blanket on both of you, and stared at the end of the movie. His cheeks were turning a bright shade of red. You hated the thought that crossed your mind…

There were but a couple of minutes left, it was the end: Mr. Darcy had walked across the moor already, he had declared his love and Elizabeth had accepted his hand in marriage. They were waiting for Elizabeth’s father. You were staring at Andrew, the feeling of your gaze on him made him look down as well, catching your eyes with his. His hazel eyes, they looked so green now, in the rather bright light of the late afternoon, and the tears he had dried just before had enhanced that colour too. Green… like leaves bathed in sunlight during the summer… you loved that shade…

You didn’t even notice when the screen went dark, when the credits started rolling. You were thinking of Andrew, of how sweet he had been all afternoon, of how handsome he looked now, how much turtlenecks suited him, how cute he looked with his glasses…

He blinked a couple of times, as if he were coming back from a reverie, and looked at the TV again. You looked at his profile, found yourself longing to run your fingers through his short beard, noticed the red tainting the brown of his hair.

“Well, that was an amazing film,” he easily admitted, bringing you back to earth.

And indeed, the story was over. Mr. Bennett had accepted their union. Elizabeth would marry Mr. Darcy. All ended well. Black screen and a list of names, printed in white pixels…

You pushed yourself out of Andrew’s arms.

Back to reality now… and in the real world, you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank. You wanted Frank…

You looked away in a hurry, and trembled at the loss of contact, when Andrew finally moved his hand away from your waist.

You kept on talking about the film for a while, but eventually, Andrew checked the time.

“I should get going, let you get something to eat. And I mean… something proper. Not snacks,” he teased, standing up and taking the remnants of your various snacks with him to the kitchen.

And you had to tell yourself that mantra again. Because your heart was aching at the thought of Andrew leaving. Which was ridiculous because you would see him in two days. Which was ridiculous because he was only a friend. A colleague, even. And it was ridiculous because you didn’t want him, you wanted Frank. You loved Frank. You wanted the life you had with him back. You… you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank… You… You wanted…

“Andy?”

He reappeared, coming from the kitchen, and tilted his head a little as a silent invitation for you to speak again.

“Do… do you want to stay for dinner?”

He stared at you for a few seconds, long enough for you to start spiralling and babbling…

“Unless you need to take care of Elwood…”

“No, my parents took him to the seaside today, they’re keeping him for the night. He’s living his best life, trust me. I bet my dad is giving him all the treats he wants.”

“Or like… I mean… you’ve already spent your afternoon with me, even if I’m sick and not the best company today, and… yeah, I totally get it if you don’t want to stay, like… that’s…”

“Y/N.”

“Hmmm?”

“I’d love to stay.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

Because I’m too much to take care of…

You merely shrugged in response, making him chuckle, clearly unaware of your thoughts.

“Well, if you’re not bored of me yet, I’d love to stay for dinner.”

You grinned.

“Grand…” you nodded, and Andrew disappeared in the kitchen again to prepare dinner.

Still, you noticed how he was smiling when he turned around, how he was blushing, too…

You ended up watching tv again after dinner. The pain wasn’t as vivid as it had been during the rest of the day, and so you were more comfortable during that part of the evening. So much so that you started dozing off, as you were watching for the nth time how Luke and Han were trying to save Leia.

You had stumbled upon a rerun of the old Star Wars movies, and settled on the nostalgic feeling of these stories to end the day. Andrew was supposed to go home after the end of the movie, once the Death Star was gone and Leia was placing medals on the heroes’ chest.

Andrew had made you laugh with his best impression of Chewbacca, and you had made him choke on his glass of water with one of your jokes and snarky remarks. It was lovely, but you were so tired you neared exhaustion by now. So, it was quite logical that you started dozing off after a while, losing tracks of the story when Han and Luke were dressed as stormtroopers.

You hadn’t noticed that your head had fallen on Andrew’s shoulder as you were falling asleep. You didn’t notice how he stopped paying attention to the movie when you did. How his heart started pounding at how adorable you looked like this. He waited for a few minutes, to see if you would stir and wake up again, but you didn’t. He stared at you for a moment longer, but you weren’t aware of it. You weren’t aware either of the longing in his gaze, of the smile on his lips as he watched how peaceful you looked in your sleep.

You blinked your eyes open again only when you felt something slipping under your knees and behind your back, felt the warmth upon which your head rested move.

“Andy?” you called in your drowsy state, still unable to understand what was happening, where you were…

“I’m here, love.”

That pet name again… were you dreaming it?

You reached up, held onto a soft fabric, and somehow, despite the fact that you had closed your eyes once more, you knew it was Andrew’s turtleneck.

“You’re falling asleep, you need to go to bed,” he said softly, his voice unbearably low and deep, it made your heart skip a few beats and warmth spread across your entire frame.

And it sounded so reassuring… so safe… He was so reassuring…

You nuzzled into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. His cologne, his softener, him…

“Can I help you reach your bed? Can I do that? Is that okay?” he asked in the same caring voice, and you nodded. But then again, you would have accepted anything, for as long as you could remain in his warmth, as long as his voice came back…

You realised then that he was slipping his arms under you, it took a moment longer for your brain to register he meant to carry you.

“I can walk,” you whispered, opening your eyes again and forcing yourself to look at him.

You were too stunned when he bent down to kiss your hair to argue when he told you there was no need, that he got you, that you could close your eyes again. You obeyed, having no strength left to argue, and you wrapped your arms around his neck when he stood up and lifted you off the couch.

He readjusted your position, and then you were vaguely aware of moving, while he walked through your apartment. You nuzzled closer, your forehead brushing his jaw and your entire body trembled as you felt his beard against your skin.

Too soon, he was gently putting you down on your comfortable mattress, tucking you in, under your warm blanket.

You blinked your eyes open before he could leave, found his hazel eyes looking down at you. He seemed so tall like this, standing above your bed.

“Thank you, Andy. For everything.”

He smiled, gesture gentle and full of fondness.

“Sleep well, Y/N. Goodnight.”

He tucked a strand of your hair away from your face, and the brush of his fingers across your cheek made you close your eyes for good.

Your last thoughts were of him, while you heard him move away from the bed, recognized the creaking of the tiles by the door of your bedroom.

God, you wanted him so much…

[bunskiper]

Oneshot with Satan? Like- Coffee place au but make it a cat cafe?

Hello! sorry for the super long wait on the reply, I hope you are still interesting in this oneshot because it is ready!!

Cat Cafe! Satan x GN reader!! (2132 words)

Four empty Ramen cups were sprawled out on my side table. I was sitting, bed against my back, with a makeshift seat under my ass made up of the two huge pink pillows that came with my room. I was wrapped burrito style in blankets and was finishing off my fifth ramen cup. My eyes were focused on the 13th season of Shark Tank. 

“You know what, I’m out.” My mouth drops. No matter how many seasons I watch I never get used to Sharks pulling out after already putting on a good deal. 

I have been in this position since twelve when I woke up only moving to microwave more ramen or use the restroom. I was not bored but, I still could have been doing more productive things like working on my Devildom History homework due Monday in class. It was Sunday. As if he could read my mind, and to be honest sometimes I think he can, Satan buzzed my phone. 

What are you doing right now? 

I stared at the text. I really didn’t want to tell him for three hours I have run through five cups of ramen and countless episodes of Shark Tank. So I replied 

Pretty riveting stuff, why what’s up?

A Cat Cafe just opened up in Devildom. They have used books for sale, some desserts, delicious tea, super cute kittens but sadly no good looking people from the human realm. I’d like to change that. 

I giggled. I love it when Satan flirts with me. Makes me all giddy. My phone buzzed again. 

I’ll help you with your history as well. I know you haven’t finished it yet. 

I chewed on my lip and smiled. He’s so sweet to me. Another buzz. 

I’ll pay. 

Deal,  I’ll be ready In 10! Meet you in your room or mine? 

Yours. See you in ten. 

I would have gone with him even if he didn’t pay. My contempt left the moment I looked down at myself. I have to move. I have to get dressed. Brush my hair and teeth. Ugh I audibly let out. I unwrapped my arms from my closure and brushed crumbs and noodles off me. When I stood, I narrowed my eyes at the pile of Ramen. I’ll save it for later. I walked to my closet and picked out a normal pair of dark blue jeans and a sweater. Despite living in Hell, it does get cold. Today is a little chilly purrfect day for Cafe!

After my normal everyday getting ready routine I stood patiently at my door. Sack bag strapped to my shoulder and a pep in my step. A knock rang and I opened it immediately. 

“Hello Satan!” I had such a bright smile on my face. 

“Someone’s excited.” He smirked as he linked his arm with mine, complimented my outfit, and led me to the door. 

The outside building was made out of a white concrete. It had a brown trim. A black closed door next to two huge windows. There were some dark wood chairs outside and they looked a little uncomfortable. Next to them were two stools. 

“We won’t be sitting out here,” He said cheerfully, peeking into the window pointing out all the cats that were sleeping on tables and laps. 

“That one right there. Rubbing against the display case. That’s an American shorthair! They date back to the 1600’s and were originally bred to be worker cats keeping mice off ships.”

He wrapped his arm around the lower half of my back. Lightly gliding me forward to check out the window with him. My face went red but I ignored it by pressing my face into the cold glass. 

“The one eating the spider plant over on the table there; that’s an Exotic shorthair. They are a cross between a Persion cat and an American short hair. They’re known for being calm and loyal.” 

I nodded my head. I always thought it was cute when people were passionate about something. I will always love Satan’s rambles on books, cats, and plans to take down Lucifer. He’s very intelligent and filled with minnie facts and solutions. 

He led me into the cafe, arm still wrapped on my waist. He wanted a spot with the most cats. We settled on a corner couch with a large round coffee table that came up to my knees. I took off my satchel bag and removed my text book. Placing it on the table and picking up the menu for drinks.

Cold day.. Hot Chai? Maybe with some cinnamon and a brownie? Or a cookie. Life or death situation right here. WAIT there’s Macaroons. 

Satan broke my thoughts by clearing his throat. 

    “There’s a test Monday, did you know about that?” His light green sweater was covered in fur already. The cats were flocking to him and he was not complaining. As of right now he holds a Calico dormant in his lap. He’s petting it much like a villain. 

“What do you mean?” Of course there's a test. 

“There’s no clearer way to say. I’m going to assume you haven’t studied yet? That’s alright, we can work on it now.” my face flatlined. I can’t do another history test. I swear it’s every three days we have another. I’m still stuck on last week's 54% even though I studied each night. 

“Let’s take it slow from pages 49 to 67.” 

“That’s slow to you?” 

“Yes. It’s only two chapters. We need six for the quiz. How much have you already read?” 

I blinked at him as my answer. Today is when I would read all six chapters, but I’m sure he can assume they aren’t read without me telling him. 

“Oh Diavolo,” He placed his head in his cupped hands and sighed loud.  

“Okay I’ll go over key points in each chapter starting with chapter 17 to 23. Listen closely because once I explain I will be quizzing you. Ask if you have questions, okay? Now give me a minute and I'll get us drinks. Chai right? I know it’s your favorite. Would you like a desert?” He gently picked the kitty from his lap, gave it a quick kiss on the head, and then placed it to the side. Standing, he stared at me patiently with his eyebrows raised awaiting my answer, brushing the leftover fur off his chest. 

“Yes a Chai, and may I also get some macaroons? I don’t care what flavor. Surprise me!” 

“Ok, Y/N, One Chai and some macaroons. Start reading while I’m gone.” He smiled, pushed the book closer to me, and headed to the counter to order. I looked to my left and saw the calico he was just petting staring right at me. 

“Hey there,” I put out my hand for it to sniff, and it did. It rubbed against my hand and I could hear the purr start. Satan shouldn’t mind if I don’t read to pet a cat. So, I lightly picked it up and placed it on my lap. It meowed on contact, not annoyed, just surprised. I continued to pet it, purposefully not looking at the book, when another cat walked up to my right. A normal black cat started meowing and pawing at me. I took my other hand and started to pet him. A third cat walked up to my legs and started going around and around them in figure eights rubbing his head on me. This cat was white. I stopped petting the calico to pet the white one. The calico started to meow in protest. So, I began to pet the calico again, but then the white one would meow in protest. Just as I was about to give up, a brown cat hopped on the top of the couch and started to meow in my ear. Holy shit I am surrounded. I started to rotate. One pet for the Calico, one for the black cat, one for the white, and one for the brown.  It was a nice rhythm and each cat seemed satisfied with it. That was, until a tabby cat came up to my left, meowing and pawing. I sighed but added the cat to the petting cycle. 

My arms were getting tired, it was a real workout, and I was secretly praying that another cat wouldn’t waltz up and start meowing. Lucky for me, but still unlucky, Satan came walking back. Carrying a Russian blue. 

“I see you’re getting busy,” He said, sitting down and placing the blue in his lap. 

“Please help me.” My eyes were begging for him to take just one cat. 

“Maybe, if you read instead of distracting yourself, you wouldn’t be in this situation.” He was smirking. Yeah he was right, but he knew he was right, and in his own words was telling me I told you so. This guy I swear. 

“I am in an immense amount of pain, Satan. Please just one cat is all I am asking.” I tried to twist my face in a painful way so he could see my sorrow and feel bad for me. 

“Dear, just stop petting the cats. They will move on to another person.” 

“Oh,” I can not believe I didn’t just stop petting the cats. So I stopped. They meowed a little but eventually just strolled off to the next victim. All but the calico. It stayed on my lap, purring and contempt. 

“Oh, Diavolo. That was stressful.” I sighed while I rested my arms to my sides. It felt so good to not move them. 

“Let’s bring that stress back.” Satan said, opening the history book. 

“No…” I whined. 

“Due to your cat parade, I’m sure you did not check out chapter 17. So I will start with that.”  He flipped the pages to chapter 17 and I sunk further into the couch. 

“Chapter 17 and 18 speaks on the inhabitants of devildom. Some notable inhabitants are Banshees, Aqua Guardians, and Deathjokuls. Banshees are death spirits. When someone is close to death they appear as a shadow crying and screaming. If someone dying sees a Banchee it is too late to save them. Do you have any questions about Banshees?” 

“No, I think I understand the concept. What are Aqua Guardians?” 

“I was just about to get to that. Aqua Guardians,” Satan was interrupted by a worker

“I’m sorry to barge in on your study date, but we are closing in 10 minutes. The boss is having issues finding cover for the late shift and we are short staffed. In no means am I kicking you guys out, please take your time, but I will ask you to leave soon!” The worker smiled and walked off to tell another group they needed to leave. 

I looked over at Satan to see he was already staring at me. 

“That’s alright we can finish in your room. Do you mind? We can take the drinks and desserts to go. Maybe you can fit that calico in your sack bag?” I laughed at his joke however deep down I think he was serious. 

“That’s fine with me!” We both carefully lifted our lap cats, waking them both up from their slumber. 

“I’d take you if I could,” Satan said, placing the Russian Blue down with a sorrowful face. He linked his arm with mine after I put my sachell on with the book in it and we headed back to the house. 

When I got to my room door we were both laughing as I explained my cat conundrum.

“And right when I got the rhythm down, another cat joined! So,” I pushed open my door and it hit me. It was still a mess there. 

“Um, just a second,” I said, trying to get in without Satan seeing. He scoffed, placed his hand above my head and pressed the door open wider to see in. 

“Woah, Y/N. Is this the riveting stuff you were doing?” 

I was embarrassed. The room was messy. There was a lot of empty ramen. Blankets everywhere. 

“I forgot the position I left it in.  I’m so sorry, just give me a moment.” 

“No dear, it’s alright. Do not stress. Save that for the homework we’re about to do. Go sit on your bed and I’ll pick your room up.” Satan was too kind to me, but I can’t allow him to do everything for me. 

“No, that’s not fair. How about you sit on the bed while I clean up?” 

“How about we work together on it?” 

“Fine. But! Tomorrow after school we go back to the Cat Cafe but I will pay this time.”

“Deal. Come on now, hun, let’s get started.” He smiled at me and led me into my own room.

Thank you so much again for the suggestion! let me know if you liked it!! Or if you'd like me to add or rewrite :D

[riordanverserpdatabase]

Klaus

Son of Dionysus

Disclaimer: Klaus’s blog will have mentions of drugs and alcohol, he doesn’t have great coping mechanisms but he’s been trying to work on it. if those’d things may trigger you please don’t follow/interact with his blog, i would feel terrible if you got triggered beacuse of it. -lots of love orphic

Klaus is a pretty laid back guy, he’ll be friends with anyone as long as their nice to him and his siblings

Klaus has more of the insanity part of his dad’s domain, he can make people go insane, but when he’s upset/mad at people he will make them here overlapping whispering just to annoy them (i’m gonna talk about his powers in more detail later)

Klaus tries to be a big brother to some kids at camp but he’s not very good at it and doesn’t know what kids like.

Two interesting fun facts:

Klaus is a pro at walking in heels, he’s perfectly balanced when walking in them, but when he’s wearing regular shoes he is really clumsy

Klaus will eat pretty much anything, once he found a microwaveable burrito under his bed and he ate it, he didn’t know how long it had been their and he didn’t care (his siblings joke and say he might be part saytr)

System's favorite thing about Klaus is his attitude >:D The system thinks Klaus and Dean would be AWESOME FRIENDS!!!

Say hi to Klaus @im-always-highhhh

Spotlight 1 of 3, June 21.

[neververy4]

Eating up leftovers by making rice quesadillas (quesadilla with week old rice added in it) and I keep thinking about that one Tumblr user whose ex called her “racist” every time she made burritos out of “non-standard” ingredients.

To the tumblr user, whoever you were, you are literally eating food. It is food. It’s a good thing that guy is an ex because I would have told you to ditch the fucker. Literally it’s just food. You can not be racist for eating.

I always have a thing of flour tortillas in my house. Store bought because I can’t be eff’d to make my own all the time; I’m lucky I have the motivation to get out of bed and cook. Tortillas are great for leftovers; just heat that shit up in the microwave, wrap them in a warm tortilla, and BOOM food is done. it’s portable. it’s efficient. and once you learn how to wrap burritos properly, it’s clean. I’ve been eating this way since I was a child.

[emotional-moss]

physical self care tips for folks who don’t have the emotional/physical capacity to do so

disclaimer: these are not going to work for everyone nor are they a cure-all. sometimes you need additional help or sometimes these just aren’t going to work for you. this is not me assuming that every single mentally or physically disabled person is able to do all these. at the lowest points in my life i wasn’t even to get out of bed for days on end and once didn’t brush my teeth for several months. but these help some folks, and that’s all i’m going for!

can’t brush/floss your teeth? mouthwash. mouthwash always. plus you can get it in fun flavors :)

- additionally: are physically capable of brushing/flossing but can’t find the emotional capacity to do so? put on a video/show you like in the background. it helps me !

- oh also you can get toothpaste in fun flavors too if that helps

- you only really need to wash your face like once a day with a fairly gentle soap. like even a bar soap or a diluted hand soap works.

- don’t wanna deal with acne and stuff? pimple patches are your best friend (but wash your face first)

- additionally, acne is normal and common. you don’t have to have “perfect skin” and it’s super rare that people do (and if they do, they most likely invest in a bunch of expensive skincare products and routines).

- don’t/can’t shower? deodorant on stinky/sweaty areas. your armpits, your neck and upper back (trust me on this one), your crotch area, all that stuff.

- or you can just use a washcloth. wet it, put some soap on it, and then rub it on stinky areas. make sure there’s more water on it than soap so that you can wipe it off with a dry washcloth after.

- if you don’t wanna take care of your hair and you don’t need/want to keep it long, buzz it. or just cut it short!

- alternately, if you want/need to keep your hair long but can’t take care of it:

- if you have a looser hair type, run through it every now and then with a brush or your fingers. if you’re able, run through it with your fingers at least a few times a day. running it under water for a little and then gently running through it with your fingers/a comb works as well. also, dry shampoo is your best friend if you’ve got oily hair. if you don’t want to brush/wash it often, keep it in easy to maintain styles like regular braids.

- for black/coiled hair types: i’m not black and have 2c/3a wavy/curly hair so i really don’t know much about this so please do not take this as if i have firsthand experience, this is all internet knowledge/from black peers. i always open to better information, please tell me if you have any! from what i’ve heard and learned black/coiled hair doesn’t need to be washed as much. keeping it short helps because it shrinks easily and means you don’t have to wash/clean it often. but if you want to keep it long, it can get dry easily. separating it into sections and then running through it with a detangling brush helps (a good option is the Spornette DeVille Cushion Paddle Boar Bristle 344). protective hairstyles mean you don’t have to wash it that often as well. 

- some foods may not be healthy but if they’re easy to prepare and leave you sustained for some time, fucking go for it. as long as you don’t have any dietary/medical restrictions regarding them.

- foods like omelettes, oatmeal, microwavable burritos/ramen/etc, peanut butter on toast, tuna sandwiches, frozen chicken nuggets, bag salads, and mixed nuts are all easy to make and/or good sources of vitamins and protein.

- fatness isn’t a bad thing. you don’t need to work out or eat specifically to “stay in shape.”

- but if you do want to work out: i am not a physical therapist, personal trainer, etc. nor do i have much gym experience. listen to your body and consult legitimate medical sources/medical professionals. i am also not physically disabled. i cannot judge what is right for your body; only you and medical professionals can do that.

- remember to warm up and cool down. wear comfortable clothes that make you feel good. drink plenty of water!!!! and listen to what your body is telling you !!! if you experience pain/nausea, it’s time to stop for a bit and there’s no shame in that.

- simple workouts! focus on one specific thing, like flexibility or strength or something. walking/pacing is an easy one if you’re able to do that. listening to music while doing it helps too. - stretches are awesome. yoga is awesome. simple things that increase flexibility and don’t require a lot of physical activity are awesome. just a simple stretch now and then is rad as fuck.

- as always, laziness is a myth. sometimes your mind or your body just doesn’t want to do something and that’s perfectly fine. 

- that’s all i can think of for now i might add more later

[soft-for-them]

Burrito - Jason Todd x plus size ftm reader

Summary: Jason comes back from work to find his boyfriend curled up on the sofa a bit dysphoric.

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated and help more people read my works.

A/N: Gif is just a random one, imagine any Jason you want. Sorry this is so short, my own dysphoria was hitting and I didn't want to write about it too much.

Jason barges through the front door of his shared flat, the sound of the TV playing the music charts filling the hallway/living room, the big light turned off with only the microwave and TV glowing light into the room.

Roy, his good friend and room mate, stands near the microwave his eyes focused on the spinning burrito that cooks, his hand hovering near the door handle to quickly pull it open a second before it dings.

His eyes stay on the food as he greets Jason.

“Hello.” Jason greets, a pause in his step as he looks around for you his boyfriend, “Where’s (y/n)?”

“Sofa.” Roy states as his eyes shoot over the long corner sofa, the microwave dinging making him swear and grab the burrito off the spinning plate, “Ow, fuck, fuck.”

Jason almost lets out a chuckle as his best friend juggles a steaming burrito in his hands but he is beat to it by the melodic sound of his lover's laughing.

“Roy you better not drop my burrito!” you half yell from you place on the sofa, you voice grumbly and sounding deeper than normal, the lingering gruffness from the fact you were happily asleep before Roy elbowed you and asked if you wanted something to eat.

Taking up the larger portion of the corner sofa, clad in the comfiest pyjamas, a stolen wonder woman hoodie of Jason’s and a pile of heavy fluffy blankets that cover all but your head, here’s to say you’re you very own burrito.

Jason rounds the sofa and see you. He smiles at the first, the sight of his hoodie on you, the hood up and covering your head making your hair messy makes him feel warm inside but then his face goes stern and worried.

Without a word he walks over to you and bends down to place a kiss on the the little bit of exposed forehead not covered by hoodie fabric or slightly sweaty hair. His kiss lingers as a hand emerges from under the many layers and blankets and cradles his face.

“How my favourite hero?” you grumble, sleepy eyes looking up to his as he peppers your face with more welcomed kisses.

“I’m *kiss* doing *kiss* great.” he says as he lowers down to kiss you more.

“Oh, I meant Batman.” you cheekily smile causing your boyfriend to stop his kisses and pout like a naughty child, “Don’t be like that Jay, you know Wonder Woman is the best.”

“Humm, correct answer.” he kisses you once more before standing back up straight.

Jason pause and looks at you for a moment, something seeming off about you. Normally you’d hit back with a reply like ‘but Batman is the second best’ either that or you’d pull him down to kiss more but you don’t.

“You feeling alright?” he asks.

“Just a bit off.”

Off.

That only means one thing, you’re feeling so dysphoric that you just want to be swallowed up by the ground until you feel better.

The blankets around you are a protective shield from prying eyes, even if it’s just him and Roy there to see you, and even then his or Roy’s eyes aren’t prying at all. Normally you’d be outside on your day off seeing friends, going to cafes, having fun but now you’re just zooning out as another pop song plays on the telly.

“Do you want to talk about it or do you just want a hug?” Jason asks as Roy places a plated burrito on the coffee table followed by him flopping down in an armchair watching the charts.

“Cuddle.” you answer.

Despite still wear parts of his hero costume, sans the bulky stuff like his helmet, armour or boots, Jason plonks himself on top on you, his wide body sliding down the side of you and the sofa. You unravel your cocoon of blankets so he can wrap his strong arms around your soft middle, his chin resting on top of your head.

You fling your layers of blankets over him, engulfing him into the blanket burrito.

You’ll be ok, with Jason there you know you will, but just for now you’ll stay wrapped up warm inside where you feel safe and unseen.

[sesamestreep]

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 3

Use the words: kitchen, date, music (from this list) ➸ this could be canon-verse (ish??) or it would honestly work for any AU of mine too. choose your own adventure!

“This doesn’t count as our big date night, for the record.”

Foggy actually pauses in the middle of pouring the wine and gestures around him in bewilderment. “What? Why not?”

“We’re in the office kitchen,” Matt says, leaning back in the uncomfortable plastic chair. When they’d moved into their new office—after a much longer time than either of them had counted on working out of the back of the Nelsons’ shop—money had still been tight enough that most of their furniture was secondhand and largely donated by well-meaning friends and family. They’ve been slowly replacing things to make the place seem less ramshackle but it takes time and they’ve obviously focused their early efforts on the spaces that their clients actually see. The pathetic little kitchen table with its two chairs is not a high priority for replacement, all things considered.

“What’s wrong with our kitchen?” Foggy asks. “Kitchens can be romantic.”

“Kitchens in general can, sure, but this one cannot.”

“And I’m asking why not?”

“For one thing, it’s not really a kitchen,” Matt says. “It’s a coffeemaker, a few cabinets, and a microwave.”

“And a sink,” Foggy replies, cheerfully. “Don’t forget the sink.”

“Oh, right. The sink does make it more romantic.”

“Thank you!”

“A date needs ambience,” Matt continues, undeterred. “Candles, or mood lighting, at the very least. Music or…something! We have none of that.”

“I can get that wind-up lantern we have in case of power outages, if you think that would help,” Foggy says. “And I think I have a kazoo in my office.”

“Why do you have a kazoo, of all things?”

“Marlena’s daughter gave it to me last time they were here. I think it counts as our payment for that case, by the way.”

Matt shakes his head, refusing to be amused. “We’re drinking bodega wine and eating…God, what are we even eating?”

“Your choice of—” Foggy is interrupted by the crinkling of plastic—“frozen breakfast burritos or…pizza bagels.”

“We’re grown men,” Matt says, scandalized, but somehow his smile escapes his attempt at containment. “This is pathetic.”

“I don’t know when you suddenly got too good for convenience store fare, but I’ve never made any such claims.”

“Your mother would kill me if she knew this is what I let pass for a romantic dinner.”

“Believe it or not, Matt, I don’t report back to my mother after every date,” Foggy replies, sounding like he’s very much resisting the urge to laugh. “Where on earth would you get the idea that I did?”

“I don’t know,” Matt sighs. “I’m being irrational, I understand.”

Foggy pats his hand where it’s resting on the table. “I’m disappointed too,” he says, gently.

Matt sighs again, even more dramatically. They’d had big plans to go out tonight, to finally take a night to themselves after cases had taken up most of their nights and weekends as well as their days. It wasn’t like they could afford to say no, not when people needed their help and when they needed to pay rent, so they’d been steadily working themselves down to nubs for the past few months. Tonight was meant to be a small reprieve, and Matt had learned enough to know he might not feel the need for it as much as Foggy claimed to but he did still need a break now and then, whether he could recognize it ahead of time or not.

Then, of course, a trial for one of their clients had gotten moved up, which meant they had to get all their prep done in a very small timeframe and their plans for a night off had dutifully been thrown over in favor of work once again. Hence the late dinner of whatever Foggy could find at the nearest bodega, because of course he was the one to remember, amidst the tidal wave of work, that they still needed to eat something, at least. Matt really doesn’t know how he managed to stay alive before Foggy—though, now that he thinks of it, “before Foggy” is such a distant time in the past for him at this point that he struggles to remember it at all. Which is its own kind of alarming.

“You’re not going to break up with me over this, right?” Matt asks, and again, it’s a real sign of growth that he can say it out loud at all, that he can even admit to needing the reassurance.

“God no,” Foggy says, rubbing Matt’s knuckles with his thumb. “First of all, this isn’t even a little bit your fault—”

“It was my idea to start the firm in the first place, though, so technically—”

“And secondly,” Foggy continues, ignoring him, “if I broke up with you, I’d never find someone else who would put up with this kind of thing on a regular basis. You’re the only person who understands. I got very lucky. Breaking up with you would be like hitting on a 17 in blackjack.”

“I don’t know anything about gambling, but I’m guessing that was very sweet.”

Foggy laughs. “It was, thank you for noticing. If we ever get a moment of peace in our lives, I’ll take you to Atlantic City and teach you everything you need to know about blackjack.”

“I have a set of Braille playing cards at home,” Matt says, feeling his face heat for no real reason. “I mean, just in the interest of setting more reasonable goals.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Getting as far away as New Jersey is pretty unrealistic, for us.”

“I appreciate that you want to take me away someplace nice, though.”

“Of course,” Foggy says. “Only the best for you.”

“Exotic vacations to New Jersey, fancy dinners from the freezer aisle, six dollar wine…” Matt muses. “Who says you can’t have it all?”

“You haven’t seen anything yet, baby,” Foggy quips. “If you think dinner for two in the office kitchenette is uninspiring, wait until you experience making love on the office couch!”

Matt wrinkles his nose, even as he feels himself blush. “Yeah, that’s going to take some convincing,” he says, though he doesn’t admit that it probably won’t amount to all that much. Foggy can talk him into almost anything, because a major component of being in love is being dangerously stupid for another person, he’s found.

“I think I’ll let the cheap wine do the talking for me on this one,” Foggy says, reaching across the table to top off Matt’s glass—or, well, paper cup. “Drink up!”

Matt does, and it’s a pleasant surprise when it turns out to be better and sweeter than he ever imagined. There’s probably a metaphor in there somewhere…

[goodnessandgrief]

When I’m feeling depressed, it can be nearly impossible to take care of myself, and that includes eating. Here’s a list of some foods that require little to no effort (aka: can be eaten right out of the package or just need to be microwaved), mainly for my personal reference, but also so others can find easier alternatives when they’re struggling.

Water bottles or canned water - stay hydrated!!

vegetables - green beans, peas, corn, black/kidney/pinto beans, chickpeas (all canned or microwaveable frozen bags) - I’ve also tried Harvest Snaps, which are baked snap peas & they’re v good

Fruit - grapes, raisins (or any other dried fruit like apricots/dates), mandarin oranges, apples, applesauce cups, bananas, pears, peaches, etc. (most fruits require no prep anyway, but especially if they’re canned - you can also buy frozen bags)

Canned soup or chicken, beef, or veggie broth

Pasta (ramen, spaghetti, mac and cheese, chow mein) or instant rice are my go-tos. You can buy these in individual cups or bulk packs.

Any microwaveable food - frozen/tv dinners, burritos, toaster strudels (they make an egg bacon & cheese version too!), mini pizzas, breakfast sandwiches… there’s a lot you could do here :)

Dairy - Yogurt, cheese sticks, (or just straight up eat cheese slices, there are no rules here), cottage cheese, almond/oat/soy milk, powdered milk (if you want something shelf-stable)

Grains & carbs - cereal, crackers, chips, popcorn, toast or bagels (I’ve eaten plain bread before tbh and it kinda slaps), Oatmeal (these packets are dinosaur themed & have little sugar eggs!! - https://www.quakeroats.com/products/hot-cereals/instant-oatmeal/dinosaur-eggs)

Nuts - peanuts, peanut butter, almonds, cashews, walnuts, trail mix, etc.

Meat - deli turkey, trail bologna, spam, jerky, frozen chicken strips or nuggets, Morningstar vegetarian corn dogs, canned tuna

Eggs

Fast food or take-out is also a good option if you don’t feel like making anything yourself.

A little tip - most foods you would take on a camping or hiking trip are great! for some, all you need to do is add water & heat it up. they are usually on the expensive side, though!! here’s some I’ve found that are decent:

https://mountainhouse.com/

Things to keep on hand for particularly bad days:

⁠Boost/ensure/Soylent - liquid meals for when the idea of chewing or mixing anything is too much.

⁠disposable cutlery/bowls/utensils so you don’t have more dishes to worry about.

Multivitamins

Liquid IV, Gatorade, or some other form of electrolytes. It’s too easy to get dehydrated!

If you do have a little energy to cook or make something, here’s some ideas:

If you have a blender: frozen spinach + frozen banana + shelf stable almond milk + peanut butter makes a great smoothie.

frozen fruit + frozen spinach/kale for smoothies

Adding whey protein makes it more filling.

⁠dried pasta + jarred pasta sauce (Rao’s is low sugar and awesome, but pricey) + frozen meatballs

Boil tortellini on hand. Its as easy as boiling water. You can eat it plain, add a spoonful of pesto, sprinkle with a little olive oil or butter and some garlic salt, or pour it back in the pan after draining and add a little pasta sauce

⁠frozen fried rice + frozen stir fry veggies

⁠favorite frozen protein and veggies for sheet pan meals

⁠canned refried beans with a tortilla and some cheese to microwave, can add extra toppings too

⁠oatmeal + pb + dried fruit of choice

⁠rice cakes + pb + jam (or substitute bread if you have it)

Rotisserie chicken in a salad, soup, sandwich or wrap

Frozen salmon with some veggies

air fryer foods - chicken nuggets, tenders, fries, etc. You can also toss different vegetables (baby carrots, Brussels sprouts, etc.) in a little olive oil and throw them in there

chicken broth & frozen dumplings - you can dress it up a little with some miso, soy sauce or other seasonings. You could also add some frozen vegetables.

snack type food - a combination of canned Garbanzo beans and black olives. The olives are salty enough that you can get low sodium beans and it will still taste good.

A lot of these ideas I stole from the good people of Reddit (particularly r/depressionmeals)!Here’s the post I referenced if you’d like to look further into it:

[windblume-wishes]

Well, well, well, dear Travelers it appears you have survived “Professor” Vanrouge’s prerequisite course of Dad 101 and are back for Dad 102… oh dear- well, I suppose since Dad 101 was so well received by you all I see no harm in letting Lilia come back and give you this course. Be warned, it may be a bit hectic…

𝕃𝕖𝕥’𝕤 𝕤𝕖𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕨, 𝕀 𝕓𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕖𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕒𝕝𝕖 𝕘𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕒 𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕝𝕖 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖…

Lilia Vanrouge- Dad 102

A Letter From “Professor” Vanrouge:

Greetings mortals! Kufufufu! How lovely it is to see you all back for more, was my prerequisite course to your liking so much you just had to come back for more? Oh I’m touched dears! Way to make an old man such as myself cry tears of genuine happiness~! Now, as I am sure you are aware I provide the finest lessons of how to be the best dad in the entirety of Twisted Wonderland- just look how Silver turned out! Ah but enough of my rambling, without further ado I give you Dad 102! Kufufufu~!

Lesson 1: Blame The Kids!

Lilia was known as the “Phantom Commander” of the Briar Valley, though how he got such a name was rather unpleasant to say the least- many believe it was because of his sneak attacks but in reality it was because he ate a lizard and a toad that truly were not meant for consumption. Even so, such a name got carried down after practically inventing chemical warfare all because a rather “unique” meal. Many of his own men had suffered the near fatal consequences of his culinary war crimes, and those of the enemies suffered just as bad if not worse.

Lilia was indeed the embodiment of silent but deadly in more ways than one.

Years later the name does follow and with it the phantom menace that only appears when a culinary crime is committed and Lilia decides to eat it happily. Unfortunately for Diasomnia and all of Night Raven College is victim to the “Ol’ Who Done It” when the very reason for the hole in the ozone layer is released. It was all thanks to the glorious invention of the microwaveable burritos that his title came back to haunt anyone and everyone within his vicinity after he ate one topped with questionable toads and lizards along with mushrooms he picked up from Jade.

It was in the middle of class during an important midterm exam when he decided it was time to liven (or unaliven) his classmates with a surprise that would knock out any skunk.

3. 2. 1. Commencing chemical warfare attack! Targets in sight, RELEASE!

And with that, the grand tuba of doom sounded in the silent classroom, the room echoed and Lilia smiled proudly at his rather smelly symphony that sent poor Lucius bolting out of the room in terror. His classmates stared at Lilia as he smirked, letting out one last popper satisfied with his perfectly timed disruption. Now to pull off phase two- blame one of the whippersnappers within his vicinity.

Target sighted…

“Oh really, Vil, why would you ever do that~? So unlike you, kufufufufu~”

The Pomefiore Housewarden was speechless, did this miniature menace just blame his bum trumpet on him?! Oh this was not going to end well.

“Vanrouge, I suggest you take that back right this moment as you know I have much more elegance than you, such revolting behaviour is beyond me and I will not have you soiling my reputation with one blame.” Vil growled, shooting Lilia daggers in his stare.

“Well it certainly was not little old me, I mean really, could one so small and cute produce such?! Oh woe is me~”

Vil rolled his eyes and sighed. “Vanrouge, I have unfortunately known you for three years now, yes? You have done this before and nearly killed students in the process- it’s clear your questionable diet is to blame. Pathetic.”

The classmates all looked at Lilia completely unamused, completely aware of what he was doing. Yet again, someone was victim to his bum trumpet blaming. He had blamed first years for one of his attempts at mass extinctions before but to openly blame a Housewarden… this was certainly new territory.

“Nah, we all know it was Lilia… he’s done this before and nearly sent us packing out of the locker room after PE!” One groaned.

“Yeah, he’s blamed me once before when it clearly was him…” came another.

Lilia smirked and then winked innocently, chuckling at his own little disruption. “Oh~? Perhaps it was me~? But there is certainly no proof- oh- oh goodness me~ kufufufufu~”

Yet again, a silent yet deadly one released, a student who was unfortunately sitting behind him fell backwards and passed out- clearly there was no way he could blame someone for this, right?

Wrong…

“Definitely was Vil~ kufufufu~!”

“WHY YOU LITTLE-”

—————

Lesson 2: Halloween Horrors

Halloween was always a fun time of year for Lilia, even more so that he had a child of his own to celebrate it with. This was the time of year where he liked to let loose and give a good fright whenever it was needed- even if it was something as sweet and simple as sneaking up behind his son to surprise hug him or simply tickle his sensitive sides.

The festivities in the Briar Valley capital drew to an end for the Silver and Sebek seeing as Malleus had to lead the two children away from witness Lilia’s horrific dancing any further, getting the two young children to bed would be quite difficult.

“Alright, boys! Bedtime! All tucked in and ready for some sweet dreams~” Lilia cooed softly as he tucked Silver and Sebek into bed, patting their heads and booping their little noses. The two were clearly frightened, trembling beneath the blankets with wide eyes and goosebumps littering their skin. The old fae knew this but shrugged it off believing this would be a fun little lesson in Halloween horrors- after all he still had some little pranks in mind for later to truly test the boy’s fear levels.

“Father… um… could we please keep the candle lit tonight…?” Silver asked with a slight whimper, pulling the younger boy closer to his frame.

“Y-yeah, Sir Lilia…! J-just in case a mean monster comes in! W-we gotta see the target!” Sebek nodded as he clutched his teddy bear tighter.

Lilia only laughed and nodded as he left the room and closing the door behind him. “Goodnight boys! Happy Halloween~!”

Lilia paused just outside the door, smirking as he turned around and quickly opened it back up to hear the frightened screams of the children, “BOO! Kufufufu~!! You jumped like a bunch of frightened kittens~! Anyway, sweet dreams~!”

Silver and Sebek sat still for a solid five minutes completely petrified, tears threatening to pour out of both of their eyes as they stared at the door and then at each other before laying down hugging one another in absolute fear. Both refused to close their eyes, vowing to stay awake all night if they had too no matter what it took. The two eventually vowed to not dare leave the safety of the bedroom, nodding in agreement to their perfectly crafted plan , they laid in bed staring at the ceiling and then out the window to check for any sign of monsters.

“Anything, Silver? No monsters?” Asked Sebek, rubbing his eyes and patting his face to keep awake.

“Nope, nothing yet… *yawn* I think we are safe.” Silver responded sleepily, trying his absolute hardest to stay awake. “If it wasn’t so scary out right now I’d go to the kitchen and get us some water but… um… that would be a bad idea…”

Sebek groaned, knowing full well where the elder was going and how both of them still had a fear of the dark especially on Halloween as well as one other matter that surely was not a wise decision on a night like this.

“Y-yeah… even though Sir Lilia says we should always have water during survival challenges um… not now… uuggghhh…” Sebek blushed a little, remembering how just the week before there was a bit of an accident thanks to downing too much warm milk before bed one night. Silver nodded as well, turning away to hide his own embarrassed blush as he too knew full well how that would go as a similar situation happened once to himself.

“It’s almost two in the morning now, but… *yawn* I’m… not sure how long…*yawn* I’m gonna hold out for…” Silver yawned as he looked at his clock shifting uncomfortably in bed. “……Sebek, I’m- I’m… Zzzzzzzzzz…”

“S-SILVER?! W-WAKE UP!” It was no use, Silver was already in a deep sleep. “S-SILVER! I-I’m scared… Silver… *sniffle*…”

Sebek hated feeling weak, crying and whining just made him feel even worse. Even though he was six years old, the mere idea of crying as if he were an infant was enough to just make his whole being hurt.

“……N-now I want my mama…*sniffle*” he cried a little into his teddy bear’s soft fur and looked around the room for something to wake Silver up, there, in the toy box was a wooden sword- perfect! He just needed to stab Silver’s side with it or whack him and problem solved- well, not entirely. Sebek shifted himself to stand up but immediately regretted it, he knew he should not have had all that delicious apple and butterscotch beverage at the festival… “Uh oh.. uh- SILVER!! WAKE UP!! I need you to be my guard for the potty!!! SILVER!!”

It was no use, snores only emitted from Silver’s lips as he snoozed the night away. Sebek groaned, forcing himself to hold it all in no matter what, no matter how terribly it hurt. He refused to have an accident yet again for a foolish mistake. Clutching the spot between his legs he groaned miserably as he curled up in bed, whimpering in agony and in absolute fear.

Two more hours had passed and Sebek was already withering in sheer agony, unfortunately for Silver that accident had already happened nearly thirty minutes earlier. Sebek was determined to hold until sunrise but that seemed to not be possible as eventually his little body could no longer stand the immense pressure and pain and decided to relieve him of such agony.

Mission failed… once more the bladder won the battle…

Soon enough, sunlight began to peer into the window and Silver eventually awoken to the light and then to the sounds of sniffling and soft cries coming from a certain green haired six year old glaring at him with a tear stained and snotty face.

“TRAITOR!! Y-YOU FELL ASLEEP! YOU PROMISED TO STAY AWAKE!! WHAAAAAAAA!!!”

“Sebek, I’m sorry- uh oh… did we…?” Silver gasped, tears pouring out of his eyes now as Sebek nodded in reply, hugging onto him and bawling loudly. Silver joined in and bawled loudly.

The bedroom door burst open and Lilia entered, worry etched across his face but that soon faded the second he realized what happened, the dark patches on both of the boy’s trousers was enough to send him falling to the floor laughing.

“AHAHAHAHAHA! OH GOODNESS! OH THIS IS- AHAHAHAHA! Silver, Sebek, here I thought you both outgrew the training pants! AHAHAHAHA!”

“F-Father?! We were scared!! We thought there was a monster out there! We didn’t want to leave the room and get eaten by the child eating monster!!”

Lilia only wheezed louder, clutching his sides as he laughed even harder.

“You boys couldn’t take a wee bit of Halloween fun, eh?! O-oh goodness this is absolutely priceless! Silver, I thought I taught you better! AHAHAHAHA! Oh dear- ooohhh! Laundry day it is!”

Sebek groaned, looking at his trousers, face redder than a tomato, utterly embarrassed to have Lilia see him in such a pathetic state. Looking over to his side, he noticed that Silver was just as red faced and embarrassed at what had happened and yet all Lilia could do was laugh at their accident.

“Oh goodness me, this certainly was quite the start to the day, eh? Well, all laughs aside, a bath is needed for you babies and then a nap while I take care of the laundry. Perhaps I should quickly pick up some training pants for you both~?” Lilia smirked as both boys groaned at his remark. “I’m only joking, dears! Big boys like you both don’t need those anymore, but even big boys still need their naps and a post-accident bath~ kufufufufu~”

——————

Lesson 3: So Um… I Think I Misplaced My Child…

Doing laundry when you have a sleepy toddler can be quite the eventful experience, sometimes too eventful especially when said toddler has a tendency to fall asleep at random and in the most bizarre of places from kitchen cupboards, coat closets, the pantry, or even the laundry basket itself- it truly does make an old man like Lilia lose a bit of his lifespan when his little one is nowhere to be found. It gets even more concerning when that very toddler is an animal magnet that could, sevens forbid, potentially attracting a hungry grizzly bear at one point and who knows how that might go. But alas, what was Lilia to do? It is not like it was something he could control.

It was a sunny summer afternoon in the Briar Valley woods, birds chirped happily and a gentle breeze rustled through the trees carrying the scents of earth, wildflowers, and fresh mountain air. Peace was all there was in the woods that afternoon, even more so inside the beautifully decorated nursery Lilia sat in rocking his beautiful little boy to sleep for his afternoon nap. Even though Silver could nap anytime and anywhere, Lilia firmly believed in keeping his son on a nap schedule so there he was, lovingly rocking his child and watching him doze off. The afternoon sun illuminated the room in a soft, warm glow and made the sleeping child’s face appear more angelic than before as a golden glow rested upon his silver hair as if it were a halo.

It would be accurate though, Lilia smiled at the thought of his son being an angel from above- well even with knowing the boy’s origins the child was as angelic as could be. Sins of the past were not his to bear. When the old fae thought about it, Silver really was an angel- he needed Silver as much as Silver needed him.

Lilia stood up once he knew the little one was fully asleep and gently laid him down in his wooden cradle before placing a gentle kiss atop his sweet head and leaving the room. The door was cracked open for emergency purposes and the window left open so if Silver woke up crying, Lilia would hear it from outside as he hung the laundry on the line. The old fae grabbed the laundry basket of wet clothes and the basket for the already dry clothes on the line and made his way out to the yard to tend to the lines.

Some woodland animals approached the cottage, clearly looking for Silver and seeing this Lilia could not help but crack a smile. “Silver is not outside right now, he is taking a nap in the nursery, when he wakes up I’m sure he will love to play with you all.”

The deer and the rabbits all nodded in understanding, knowing that the child was indeed still young and required plenty of rest. The group of animals scurried off from the yard and back into the forest for the time being- many of the animals already knew that Silver would likely sleep the afternoon through and still would be sleepy for bedtime. However, now that was not the case…

In the nursery, one of the bluebird friends flew in and sat himself atop the edge of the cradle, gently nudging Silver’s pudgy face in an attempt to wake him up. Soon enough the three year old opened his eyes and looked to the bird friend of his and smiled softly and sleepily.

“Hello there, you wanna play? That why you woke me up…? Gotta be quiet though, papa might hear!”

The bird nodded, flying to help the small boy pull back the blanket and hop out of the bed and onto the floor. Silver, despite still being sleepy quietly made his way down the stairs and outside, easily avoiding Lilia’s gaze and potential ear range. Even at the age of three, Silver understood that his father liked to sometimes put these headphones on which attached to a portable radio he clipped to his belt when he did laundry or even wanted to nap in the shade with. Thankfully those were on his head and his ears were covered, Lilia happily danced a bit as he hung up the wet clothes on the line.

Silver looked to the bird friend of his and immediately had an idea- hide and seek! Simple!

“Want to play hide and seek? You just gotta count to ten and I hide? Alright let’s go!”

His bird friend chirped in agreement and flew to the nearby garden to count in the bushes while the child hid somewhere. Silver had a brilliant hiding spot in mind, the laundry basket of clean clothes that was behind Lilia. He slipped quietly into the basket, covering up the best he could with all the warm clothing and settled in all cozy. Soon enough, sleep claimed him and he fell asleep in the basket, completely unknown to his father and the bird friend who was having a pickle trying to find Silver.

Lilia then looked down at his watch, realizing that now was a good time to wake up Silver up, he put away his headphones and mini radio and walked upstairs- realizing immediately that something was wrong… the nursery door was wide open and there was no sleeping child in the cradle, Silver must have got out at some point when he was outside…

“S-Silver?! SILVER?! ANSWER ME! SILVER?! Oh sevens… I lost him again! SILVER COME ON OUT!” Lilia began to panic as he frantically looked all over the house for the child.

Silver was a toddler, and toddlers seem to get into absolutely everything and anything- yet Silver knew better than to wander off into the woods and away from the cottage so that certainly would narrow down the search area. Lilia also knew that Silver was excellent at following directions, if he was told to keep close and in the perimeter of the cottage, he would obey. He quickly searched the cottage, opening the closets, cabinets, and even some drawers that he knew Silver could likely fit in to no success. Silver was not in any of the usual nap spots in the house so that meant he was probably outside somewhere… alright now there was a challenge.

Lilia exited the cottage, trying his absolute hardest not to start going crazy in panic over his missing child. He just needed to keep this a secret from the Zigvolts to avoid yet another parenting lecture from Baul’s daughter and even from her human husband. There was no way he was going to sit down for yet another three hour or more lecture of why letting Silver wander off is a terrible idea. Suddenly a flash of blue flew past his face, frantic tweets coming from the small bluebird as it appeared to be looking all over for something or rather someone…

Lilia knew where this was going, Silver probably woke up and decided to play with the pesky bluebird.

“Excuse me, little one, are you looking for Silver? I cannot for the life of me find him and I too am growing worried… he is still technically a baby so I do worry for his safety.” Lilia sighed, extending a finger for the bird to perch himself on. “Oh? So you woke him up to play hide and seek, hmm? Well did you at least get a peek of where he may have went..? No? Hmm…”

The bird left Lilia’s finger and began to fly about calling for the tiny boy while Lilia began to search around himself. Then he heard it- a small shuffle. Surely he could not be hiding in plain sight, could he and in the most obvious of places? He quietly walked towards the laundry basket and paused, listening carefully for any strange sounds and then he heard it again. Small, sleepy exhales and some movement of tiny limbs. Lilia quietly lifted up the towel and there he was fast asleep and curled up in a fetal position sucking his thumb adorably. The old fae awed as h bent down and carefully lifted Silver into his arms to just hug him close, the child smelled of sunshine and fresh clean laundry with a hint of lavender- a fitting scent considering his nap spot.

“You little escape artist, what am I to do with you? Oh yes~ keep you and love you even if you nearly give me a heart attack kufufufufu~”

——————

Closing Letter From Professor Vanrouge:

Alright whippersnappers, class has concluded but who knows~ perhaps little old me may decide to make a Dad 103 course for you all explaining the importance of not touching the thermostat and the art of embarrassing your children wearing socks with sandals~! Kufufufufufu~ until next time kiddies!

Oh! Before I leave I must end with a joke~! No dad lecture is complete without a dad joke!

Ahem!

How do you make a water bed bouncier? Use spring water! *WHEEZING UNCONTROLLABLY*

- Professor Lilia Vanrouge

Join the TWST Discord server for more shenanigans

[oysters-aint-for-me]

i’ve been trying to eat during the daytime more because right now i only eat after the sun goes down basically and even though i still miss traditional hunger signals (ie tummy hurts) thanks to my new meds i am starting to feel and notice other less obvious hunger signals (ie irritability, difficulty focusing, feeling like i am incapable of doing anything, sneezing*) and so now that i know eating helps with those things, it’s just silly not to. except my stomach isn’t used to eating during the day and it’s a crapshoot** as to whether or not the food will send me running to the toilet. yesterday i went to a baseball game and had half of a soft pretzel and my stomach went “UUUHH??? it’s 1 pm? i’m not on shift what do you expect me to do w this” then later at like 12 am i had two microwave burritos and a plate of tortilla chips and my stomach was completely fine. stomach, we can’t keep living like this bro, we gotta start assimilating at least a little bit into the normal rhythms of the human species if we wanna start feeling a little better

* don’t ask i don’t know

** pun not intended but embraced wholeheartedly

[olliewesker]

The Smiling Critters Take Real Life!

Episode 2: Crash Course

(Synopsis)

As the reality of what they now have begins to set in, Angel continues to learn more about their new companions and ponders how exactly to take care of all of them...

(Story below! Or click the AO3 Link above. It has better tags)

Angel sat dumbfounded on their couch, watching the 8 small beings (Well, seven. Catnap was asleep on Angel’s lap) prance about their living room with giddy excitement…In Angel’s desire to buy plushies, they’d accidentally bought 8 whole children(?), and now was quite possibly stuck being their caretaker…after all, how the Hell would Angel explain this to anybody? How would Angel be able to take these guys anywhere, how could Angel leave them on their own in the house?

While Angel was pondering their newfound predicament, Dogday began to try and once again jump up onto the couch. He was very bad at it, and could barely get even his upper chest up there at first, but soon he managed to get a running start and get his entire upper body onto the couch. From there he dragged himself onto it fully. Angel gave him a golf clap in applause.

Dogday chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, then started talking. “So…nice to meet you, mister. I don’t think we got your name actually.”

“Oh, uh, my name’s Angel!” Angel said.

“Oh that’s a really cool name! I’ll be sure to tell everyone!” Dogday chirped.

“Oh, and uh, for future reference, I use they/them pronouns and all that.” Angel added.

“O-Oh! Ok cool! Sorry for uh…us misgendering you earlier-“ Dogday said embarrassedly.

Angel patted Dogday’s head. “It’s alright, don’t worry, you didn’t know.”

Dogday said something else, but Angel didn’t quite catch it, as their attention had been drawn towards the other side of the room, where Hoppy and Kickin were climbing up a dresser. Said dresser had the urn containing Angel’s Grandmother’s ashes, and in the two plushies’ climbing, the urn was being shaken around precariously…

Angel thought fast, and blurted out: “OKAY GUYS, TIME FOR LUNCH!”

At that moment, all the critters turned towards Angel excitedly. Hoppy and Kickin ended up falling off the dresser and plopping to the floor. They didn’t make any squeaky toy noises as they hit the ground, but Angel still mentally heard them anyway.

“Oh wow! I uh, I am pretty hungry, and I think everyone else is too! I’ll go find Catnap!” Dogday said, causing confusion in Angel.

“Wait what? But Catnap’s right-“ Angel looked down at their lap where Catnap USED to be. Somehow he’d managed to sneak off without anyone noticing again. Angel made a noise of exasperation before getting up. “Alright guys, I’m gonna go in the kitchen, uh, don’t break anything!” Angel announced. All the critters shared various sentiments of acknowledgement, except for Picky Piggy, who was excitedly speculating on what could be for Lunch.

Angel slowly made their way into the kitchen where they proceeded to lean over the sink and stare down the drain. What the hell did two-and-a-half feet tall plushie animals eat? Did they even eat to begin with?

…Oh well…they’d inadvertently promised something to eat, Angel knew they had to deliver.

They opened their freezer and began to rifle through it…maybe some microwave burritos? No…there wouldn’t be any way for all of them to snag a piece. Chicken nuggets perhaps? …Wait no, they have a chicken for a friend-

Eventually, Angel settled on a microwave Pepperoni Pizza. Angel just hoped Picky wouldn’t know where exactly pepperoni came from.

Angel slapped it in the microwave and heated it up, then began to cut it with a steak knife, as they didn’t actually have a pizza cutter. They cut it into 16 pieces so each critter could have 2 slices, and then delivered it to the hungry critters, who all cheered in excitement upon the sight. Picky especially, who eagerly, loudly declared her love for pizza, nearly drowning out everyone else in the process.

Bubba covered his ears in pain afterwards. “H-Hey Picky, could you not do that please? That hurt my ears…” He whimpered.

“OOPS, SORRY B- I-I mean oops, sorry Bubba!” Picky said.

Bubba smiled and nodded.

“Uhhh, alright guys, enjoy!” Angel said, and the critters began to tuck into the pizza. Angel eagerly watched them eat to see how exactly it worked. The critters seemed to eat almost exactly like normal people, even sprouting plastic teeth to bite and chew, which was honestly quite disturbing. After that, the food would seemingly just disappear from their mouths, apparently having been consumed.

Angel would’ve gone to make something for themselves at this point, but now they’d lost their appetite.

Angel sat back down on the couch and then laid down, proceeding to drag a blanket over themselves and watch random YouTube videos while their new gaggle of adopted plush creatures chowed down on some Kroger frozen pizza.

As they absentmindedly watched some Minecraft lets play highlights, Angel began to ponder once again how they were going to manage all of this…wondering how exactly they were going to provide for this odd little family they now had…

~~~~

It didn’t take long for the Smiling Critters to finish off the pizza, and they all leaned back in satisfaction. It didn’t seem like much food at all, but Angel supposed to creatures this small, it was like a full-course meal. Angel made note of this, keeping in mind to make smaller meals for all of them in the future.

“Maa-haa-haan, I am stuffed.” Said Hoppy. “I feel like I could just pull a Catnap and fall asleep right here.”

Catnap rolled his eyes and then flung a stray cube of pepperoni at Hoppy.

“Pfft- well, ‘Nap, you DO fall asleep a lot, even during the day.” Hoppy snickered.

“Think you guys need a nap?” Angel asked, sitting back up. Angel definitely knew they themselves needed a nap, so they were hoping the Critters wanted to take one as well.

Catnap nodded excitedly, to which all of the other critters chuckled. Catnap proceeded to slap one hand on his opposite bicep, then curl that arm into a fist.

Dogday yawned after that. “Honestly, I could use a nap, what about you guys?” The dog said, looking over to his friends.

“Yeah, that pizza just about knocked me out.” Said Kickin.

“Same.” Added Hoppy.

“Food CAN make you sleepy if it has certain chemicals in it.” Bubba chimed in.

“um…sure…” Crafty murmured.

Bobby didn’t say anything, but she did yawn really largely.

“I could go for one more! But uh, yep. I think I’m pretty sleepy too.” Said Picky.

Angel nodded and then got up, going back to their bedroom and fetching the large comforter off the bed. Angel then brought it back to the living room and spread it all out on the floor so the critters would have a comfy place to sleep.

Crafty’s eyes widened. “W-wow! This looks so great!” She then flopped onto the blanket. All of the other critters followed soon after. Angel chuckled at them all, finding the scene adorable. Angel almost went to get another blanket for them, but they figured the critters wouldn’t need it, considering they were covered in fur.

…Then Angel figured they might like one anyway, and grabbed one and draped it over all 8 of them.

“Thanks Angel!” Everyone cheered in unison before snuggling in and slowly falling asleep.

(“Maybe this won’t be so bad…”) Angel thought as they sat back down, looking upon the sleeping critters.

Angel smiled and laid back down, slowly beginning to fall asleep themselves. They had no idea where all of this would be going in the next few days, but wherever it would be going, Angel was looking forward to it…

~~~~

After what barely felt like any time, Catnap shot awake with a gasp. Shaking, he looked over at all of his sleeping friends, wishing he could sleep as soundly as them all the time…and not be woken up by these damn nightmares…Catnap couldn’t even look at any of them after what had happened in this last nightmare…it hurt too much.

The lavender cat threw the section of the blanket off of himself and leaned up against the leg of the coffee table in a fetal position…

How long could he keep all this to himself…? How long would he just try to avoid thinking about it…?

…How long until…it all came true?

…Would it?

[newtonsheffield]

Molly this ATIA cheeseburger discourse is reminding me of my own mom who had a very similar craving for bean and cheese burritos from Taco Bell. My dad tried to make them at home for instead and it…did not go well 😂

Anthony making a cheeseburger for Kate at home, with a homemade bread roll and smoked cheddar and he sets it down in front of her with a flourish and Kate just blinks at him.

“It’s not the same.”

“It’s not the same.” Anthony agreed, “It’s way better. And I made the bread myself.”

“Did you…? Did you grate a courgette into the patty?”

“Kate please. Can you just try it?”

“Why does everything have to be so fancy? Why can’t I just go to McDonald’s? They’re like £1.”

“They’re £1.19.”

Kate rolled her eyes, “I bet all this cost you more than £1.19 to make.”

“Can you just try it? and if you don’t like it, I will drive to McDonald’s myself.”

Kate sighed, taking a large bite a little petulantly, chewing carefully, before she swallowed. “It’s… it’s good.”

Anthony sighed, “You still want me to go to McDonalds don’t you?”

“I do,” Kate groaned “They’re just so greasy and good and-”

“Fine, off I pop then.” Anthony sighed, grabbing his motorbike keys off the side.

“I love you! You’re amazing!”

“You want an apple pie as well, Don’t you?”

“I do, I really do. I’ll put this in the microwave for you when you get back.”

“Why wouldn’t I just get something for myself?” Anthony said, shrugging into his jacket, tying the laces of his shoes.

Kate looked a little mildly disgusted, “I’m not going to share my food with you, Anthony, we need to keep some boundaries.”

“Right, of course, silly me, I’ll just eat the burger you’ve taken a bite from.”

“Exactly.”

[gobbluthbutagirl]

every time i hear talk show host by radiohead i’m instantly back in october 2022 sitting on the floor couch at my shithole apartment watching better call saul eating a microwave breakfast burrito from ralphs and thinking about how the promotion i’m going after at my horrible job is something that i literally do not even want at all