#I’m currently being forced to live out of my goddamn living room bc I don’t have any furniture and we can loan everyone money

[agents-are-dicks]

God what I’d give to be piled up in my aunts bed, in my strawberry shortcake nightgown, staying up way too late watching reruns of The Nanny again

Unplanned rant in tags but I’m leaving it. I’ll probably delete this tomorrow.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[springday-aus]

Disney Prince!AU with Seonghwa

★ Seonghwa as Disney’s Prince Charming ★

moodboard link

Group: ATEEZ 

Member: Park Seonghwa

Genre: fluff, romance, hints of angst 

part of the Disney Prince Series - could also be a prince!au

Type: Bulletpoint AU 

Word Count: approx. 3k

A/N: I had to spice things up a bit bc after a rewatch of Cinderella, I have realized they have no flavor and got a bit carried away—so enjoy! 

Warnings: family death + mentions of abusive family - you know the classic princess storyline. 

Seonghwa….. is not your average prince

but it’s not depicted in a negative light

so, he’s the prince other nations wished they had

he’s very involved with the state of affairs, often spends time in the villages and conversing with the townsfolk, and often visits schools to read to them or just watch them and it’s so……...wholesome

*cut to him struggling to sit on the carpet with the kids bc his legs can’t fold*

basically everyone loves him because he’s got this angelic aura around him that just makes you feel like you can trust him with anything

and I mean anything

mothers would probably offer him their babies if that was appropriate

he’s just super sweet and tries to remember what he learns in order to take it back and make use of it with the current policies that the parliament is trying to endorse or something

obviously, this is the main image of him to the public

and it’s not fake

but those in the palace know he can get a bit mischievous and sassy

it’s only really seen by those who are close with him, or have been around for a longer time

like assistant!Hongjoong and head butler!Wooyoung

since they’re all close in age and grew up together too, they’re much more comfortable with one another

Hongjoong: *hits his head on a doorway*

Seonghwa: “......... are you an idiot?”

guard!Yeosang and butler-in-training!San: laughing

no, but for real, all of them know he’s basically an angel

the amount of shit he’s putting up with them, but like they make for great entertainment lmao

anyways

the older workers at the palace find him adorable

like when Seonghwa tried to sneak-eat the freshly picked strawberries

“my prince, did you just eat a strawberry?”

Seonghwa with a mouthful of them: “no”

he’s like the grandson they all want (and are trying to get, but we’ll get to that later)

other than his charities and visits and public outings, he’s also known to be a good horseback rider

like real good

Wooyoung: “this is the most princely we’ll ever see him”

he’s kidding, but he’s also not kidding

bc lbr: Seonghwa in a horseback riding fit with the shoulder pads and the helmet and the wind and

Wow

many gather to see him in his glorious, sweaty state afterwards

it’s funny bc he’s so handsome and there are times when he’ll acknowledge it and other times when he doesn’t

especially since the ateez boys just ignore him or tease him

now it just depends on how he feels that day as to how he’d react

since he’s got such a good reputation, you know what that means?

lots of treaties and lots of marriage proposals

on one hand, many nearby countries know how nice Prince Seonghwa is—and some thought he was naive enough to be deceived by them

and that led to a few wars, but they lost real bad bc they assumed he was too nice

when, in actuality, he’s very knowledgeable since he takes a lot after the king and the queen

that allowed much more respect for the kingdom, especially since he’s the first in line for the throne once he’s married

which leads to the second thing: he gets lots and lots of marriage proposals

have you SEEN him?????

do you know how CAPABLE he is????

helloo?????

anyways

the royal family kind of milks this—not in that way tho

it’s in the sense that it’s because they want him to find someone soon and there’s more time for them to learn the ropes about ruling a kingdom

that means lots of balls are thrown in hopes of Seonghwa finding someone to ~catch his eye~ and whatnot

but Seonghwa just uses this as a diplomatic advantage, you know? like a chance for him to meet other royals and build these relationships

and while he has good intentions, the rejected royals are kind of bitter, but they know better than to mess with the Royal Family

meanwhile, party planner!Yunho is lowkey racking in the dough from these events, so he’s fine throwing all these balls lmao

this is where you come in

but, it’s not how others might think

so, you used to be the daughter of a well-of-ish family—you had money for a house and caretakers who adored you and you with parents who loved you dearly

you lived in your own little bubble of love

but then your mother died

when she died, it was almost as if she had taken the lively atmosphere of the household with her

your father buried himself into his work, rarely making time for you anymore and…. there was a drift

one day he came home with a mysterious woman, proclaiming her as your stepmother

along with her came her two daughters, who were as ugly outside as they were on the inside

while you could have done without her passive-aggressiveness, it was nice to see your father happy

but lo-and-behold, you lucked out and he died on a business trip, leaving you alone with strangers to become your only family

it only got worse from there as they openly started to mock you, shame you and push you beyond your boundaries

as they could no longer pay for the staff, they also forced you to clean after them, cook for them, and make all the arrangements that they demanded

or, as your oh-so-lovely stepmother said “you’re below us and you will always be below us”

at first, you put up with it because there’s nowhere else for you

but, slowly, the idea of running away was starting to sound better

and the opportunity came as the palace was starting to look for more servants who would stay in the servants’ quarters

you immediately packed away your things, which wasn’t much to begin with—your mother’s locket being the major trinket you possessed

and ran off to work as a housekeeper, who hid away behind the palace walls and the public eye

since you clean for the palace, it also means cleaning after the balls

other than television appearances, you never really saw the royal family

even as you did work in the palace because……………. they’re running a goddamned country

but, of course, there are rumors and gossip with the other housekeepers which all come from reliable resources

**cough cough definitely Wooyoung cough cough**

so there’s a lot of what you heard, not really from what you’ve seen, despite what some might think when working in the palace

that was until you were called to work at your first ball

which meant you were cleaning after the tables and in the kitchens, going in and out of the ballroom and between dinner tables

getting glimpses of some of the royals

and picking up on some of their juicy conversations

(apparently this one duke almost had an affair with this king’s secret mistress… all the tea)

anyways

you get the point

every once in a while you have to work at the balls when they need the extra help

but, there was one that was…………. different

a lot of the balls are for the royals to take and engage and whatever, but there have been so many and Seonghwa………….

Seonghwa hasn’t been interested in a single one despite the purpose being to help him find someone

Hongjoong: “what’s wrong with them?”

Seonghwa: “there’s nothing wrong with them, I don’t want just someone”

Seonghwa: “I want it to happen naturally—call me old fashioned but if this is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, it has to be someone who knows me”

Wooyoung, in the corner: “that is old fashioned, hasn’t he heard of tinder?”

advisor!Mingi: “I don’t think it would be a good look for the country if the prince is on tinder”

guard!Yeosang: “we should test it out”

butler-in-training!San: “omg reverse pretty woman”

Hongjoong: “everyone get out, you’re all useless”

okay, but like real talk: he’s such a romantic and the whole unofficial arranged marriage is just………. too much

so, his parents were like: so, you want more options?

Seonghwa: “not what I said”

and they expanded the invitation list for one night, meaning ANYONE had a shot with Seonghwa and

well

he is very popular, so you can imagine how many people were planning on coming and the staff (i.e. you) had to prepare for everything

for the week, the castle was bustling and you were running around to help out and it……. it was all so insane

and then it happens

you’re minding your own business and working and eavesdropping as one does when one works

because everyone is there and who doesn’t love listening to drama that isn’t just from fancy people

but since everyone is here

you failed to remember that a certain group of people were also there

the group of people being your step-mother and step sisters

instinctively, you ducked and hid, moving away from the main room that was swarmed with people who were all trying to obtain Seonghwa’s attention

(who was also trying to hide from everyone else and instinctively failing)

eventually, you found yourself in the gardens, where you tried to make yourself busy

but it ended up being a small walk through the gardens, picking up the occasional liter and small talk with the gardeners

the garden is huge, so you get a bit lost as you wander—physically and emotionally

meanwhile, Seonghwa managed to escape from the others with the help of the other ateez boys

major shoutout to Yunho and Jongho, who insisted on leading the cupid shuffle and cha cha slide

also Yeosang for blocking off people who were trying to shoot their shot with a tired Seonghwa who did not want any of this

he ended up in the gardens as well, walking down a small path with Yeosang trailing a bit farther behind

he spots you on a bench, admiring the flowers under the bright moonlight

and you were absolutely breath-taking

not wanting to disturb your peace, he tried to leave

only to knock into a garden gnome and catch your attention as he tries to not break it

You: “um”

Seonghwa: “I’m so sorry, I was just going to leave, I didn’t mean to disturb you”

You: he looks familiar

You: “I know you from somewhere”

Seonghwa: literally in the most extravagant suit and sparkle make-up as he’s still crouched on the ground trying not to break a gnome that cost like $5 at a Target

also Seonghwa: “have we met before?”

you exchange names and that’s when it clicks

You: “OH MY GOD. MY PRINCE.”

immediately, you try to curtsy or bow or whatever the royals make you do to the ground bc Seonghwa’s still at ground level

and Seonghwa’s just…………. scrambling to try to get you off the ground with flushed ears at you calling him your prince

Seonghwa: “please, you literally do not have to”

You: “I don’t want to be beheaded”

You: “plus, isn’t it like, illegal for me not to?”

Seonghwa: “well, I’m technically giving you orders not to…..”

You: well, can’t argue with that

you slowly get up and dust yourself off, unable to look at him in the eye

even from the corner of your eyes tho, you can see what the fuss is about

bc Seonghwa in that suit and hair swept back is hot™

You: “Prince,  I apologize if I’m speaking out of line, but shouldn’t you be inside?”

Seonghwa: “couldn’t I ask you the same thing?”

You: “but this is in your honor, not mine”

Seonghwa: “is it tho?”

Seonghwa: “I keep telling everyone I would like to fall in love on my own and yet………. everyone keeps meddling and making plans and now everyone in the kingdom is after me when I’m just trying to do my best for our citizens”

you’re a bit silent, unsure as to how to respond

Seonghwa: “I’m sorry for just dumping this on you, but, everyone keeps telling me I shouldn’t be so worried”

You: “well, Prince, I think what you need to hear is that your feelings are valid”

You: “it’s only natural for you to want to find someone on your own—freedom is something everyone wants, which is why it’s so hard to obtain”

there’s a bit of an awkward silence

for one bc you didn’t know what he was really like and if you were allowed to say something like that

two being that you didn’t know if you should leave

but he speaks up

Seonghwa: “you’re right—I did need that”

the air loosens a bit between the two of you

Seonghwa: “so, are you also hiding from an influx of suitors?”

you laugh a little, playing like a twinkling melody to Seonghwa’s ears

You: “no, but I am hiding from people”

Seonghwa: “it’s okay, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to”

you two get to spend a bit more time together, just chatting and getting to know one another

he’s really sweet, but also kind of goofy with a handful of cheesy pickup lines that definitely comes from spending too much time on the internet but also Wooyoung

the time is short but sweet

bc, before you know it, it strikes 12 and Hongjoong has a hold on him by bulldozing past Yeosang who just blinks at the small gust of wind

Hongjoong: “Seonghwa! your parents are looking for you! we gotta go!”

he greets you hastily, before grabbing a hold of Seonghwa and dragging him away—in which Seonghwa is still trying to get one last look at you before you disappear off into the night

or, in your case, back to the kitchen to avoid your stepfamily

the rest of the night passes as expected, at least for you as you busy yourself with washing dishes in the kitchen

but Seonghwa found himself like a mercat, poking his head around trying to find you every once in a while

the time you’d spent together was short, but it was the most fun he’s had at these balls

and it showed, as noted by Hongjoong and Wooyoung with the week that followed after

he was spacing out, wondering what could have been if things were different

basically, homeboy was sulking bc he didn’t know when he could see you again or if you had someone or if you were even interested

Hongjoong: “how are we supposed to help him when we don’t even know who it is?”

Mingi: “didn’t you get a glimpse?”

Hongjoong: “I was busy with other things”

Wooyoung: “so you didn’t even ask for a name?”

Yeosang: “it’s (Y/N)”

all the boys:

Hongjoong: “how do you know that?”

Yeosang: “I was eavesdropping”

San: “um—”

Wooyoung: “wait, we know (Y/N)”

Yunho: “so am I throwing another party or?”

Wooyoung: “we can find (Y/N) first and then throw a party”

so, they kind of hunt you down to where you’re cleaning for the day

and Wooyoung asks you about Seonghwa

lowkey bc he wants the tea but also bc he wanted to make sure you’re not one of those insane people that are completely obsessed with him

(considering what he had to witness during that last ball)

and after passing his vibe check

he sends you to the library “to clean”

which is odd because you already cleaned it for the week but

Wooyoung: “I’m technically your boss, so go”

You: weirded out

also you: “okay”

little did you know, Seonghwa was already there, occupying himself with some new books while Hongjoong and Yeosang were keeping an eye out for you

who was lowkey trying to hide in the shadows and failing miserably bc of all the goddamned windows

Seonghwa spots your shadow, quickly getting up and following you

Seonghwa: “wait! (Y/N)?”

you turn around, a bit startled from the call out

Seonghwa: “I thought it was you”

you give a small bow to greet him

You: “my prince”

Seonghwa: “you can just call me Seonghwa”

Seonghwa: “I didn’t know you were here”

You: “I didn’t know you were here either”

he lets out a small chuckle

Seonghwa: “I meant I didn’t know you were staying in the castle”

You: “I’m not just staying here, I work here prin—Seonghwa”

Seonghwa: “well I guess that makes finding you a bit easier around here”

You: “you were looking for me?”

Seonghwa: “well, I like your company”

You: flushed

Seonghwa: “do you enjoy mine?”

You: “I’d be glad to bask in your presence”

and for a moment, it’s just the two of you

*cut to Hongjoong and Yeosang high-fiving in the back*

after that, the two of you spend more time together

it’s cute bc Seonghwa also likes to clean (which explains why there were never housekeepers needed for him)

so it means he also helps you clean and still have fun doing it

speaking of which, you got to find out how domestic he is and it melts your heart every time

especially when he’s interacting with children who visit the castle

so you can tell he really wants a family

bc he’s so good with kids and knows how to take care of people and what more can you really ask for

he’s also a great listener 

like he really knows what you need based on what you tell him

and when you opened up to him about what happened at home

he was just such a big sweetheart about it, asking if you’re okay and checking with you emotionally and it 

I LOVE PARK SEONGHWA SO MUCH 

anyways

so his parents did find out bc Wooyoung has a big mouth and def blabbed to San and everyone else in the goddamned kingdom who knows Wooyoung

rip Seonghwa

also rip everyone in the kingdom who found out bc again

Seonghwa is very desired amongst many

which also led to a lot of jealous people who gossiped about you but jokes on them bc you still have Seonghwa at the end of the day and they have jack shit :) 

back to what I was saying 

when his parents found out, they were totally accepting of it considering how happy the two of you are

(also you were lowkey fearful they were just gonna straight up kill you bc you aren’t royal, but also, they’re good rulers who care about people) 

which also meant they wanted to train you to help him run the kingdom but that’s a different story

anyways, prince charming!Seonghwa is indeed very charming

and gentlemanly and all that other good stuff

[haikyuuscreaming]

omg hi! you started off your blog greatly, im so proud of you! do you think you can write an angsty scenario for akaashi? where his crush likes this guy and wants help from him and he feels all sad :( but she ends up confessing to him! i love your writing so far, keep it up!

UMM so i accidentally got really invested in this so it’s WAYY longer than a drabble and i often write long stuff bc of ao3 so this might sound a little more like that kinda fanfic style instead of a tumblr scenario? mainly cos im really a sucker for this stuff hehehe love you anon

also ! the request made it sound sort of akaashi-centric so i hope you dont mind? there will still be a lot of reader-chan here though! please dont leave yet and i hope u enjoy

again ALSO i wrote this half on my laptop half on my phone so please dont mind if it seems a lil clunky in some areas 

3092 words jesus ok here you go

-

Crushes weren’t necessarily a new sensation for Akaashi. Just an uncommon one. In fact, the last time he remembers even being attracted to someone was in first grade when everyone had a crush on this popular girl. He’s not even sure if he really liked her, or just found the idea of it interesting.

Now, second year of high school, Akaashi finds himself in trouble. Because for once, he really, really, really likes this girl. You. 

He can’t even fake himself out of this, because every damn time he looks at you, he feels all warm and tingly and his stomach feels less calm and he can hear his heart bump against his ribcage and god, his face even flushes a little bit.

(A little bit inconvenient when he accidentally finds himself staring at you and daydreaming.)

Akaashi doesn’t like this feeling.

I mean, yeah, Akaashi has somewhat of a sense of confidence in his looks, manners, and ability to make friends. He’s not exactly the top in each subject he thinks, but it lets him pass through high school without too much of a depressingly lonely life. He could easily befriend you and steal your heart, his inner ego-brat says.

But.. but what if you reject him?

He should become closer to you.

(For the record, he doesn’t not like the feeling. He kind of likes the serotonin boost you give him. But he definitely, more than kind of likes you.

A lot more.)

And one day, in the spring, he finds himself paired up with a special biology partner. With familiar, sparkling eyes and the cutest, most gorgeous voice he’s ever heard that always makes his heart fucking backflip.

Akaashi doesn’t think he can survive this.

His teacher blares, “Start brainstorming ideas for your science fair project! It’s due in a month, you know!”, but Akaashi blocks out the noise because all he can focus on is you, goddamn it. He can only focus on the way you push your hair out of your face, the way your lips upturn into the most stunning smile he’s ever had the fate of encountering, and he really hopes he doesn’t get h-

“Akaashi-kun?”

(Fuck you and your completely gorgeous voice that drives him up the wall and makes him want to kiss you.)

“Oh– sorry, yeah?” He kind of hates himself for how his voice lilted a pitch higher.

You laugh, sounding like a goddess. He hopes that it means you don’t hate him. “Ahaha, I was just wondering if you have any ideas for the science fair? It’s a pretty big chunk of our grade, and I am… not the smartest when it comes to AP Bio..”

Akaashi thinks quite the opposite, but he isn’t currently in the position to contradict you.

“Um…” He pauses and thinks furiously. He comes up with some borderline generic idea that has enough room for a unique twist. And your eyes brighten.

“Waaaoo, Akaashi-kun’s a genius, hm?”

(God, he thinks he might have a little more than a crush on that teasing grin and glittering pair of eyes.)

He musters the courage to smile without looking stupid. “Of course.”

Two weeks later, he wants to sink into a hole.

Yes, it might have been his request that you two meet up to work on the project, but that was because he knew you were a procrastinator! You would start the project the night before if he’d let you!

But it was not his idea to do it at his house.

Now he has to live with the fact that you’re lying on HIS bed, spread-eagled in your sweater and shorts, complaining about how lazy you are.

(He wonders how you’re so comfortable about wearing shorts to a male classmate’s house. You two aren’t even that close, although you claim otherwise.)

“Come on, get up,” he rolls his eyes. “We have work to do.”

“But I’m so tiiiiiredddd… and lazyyyy…. wouldn’t it be such a gentlemanly act of Akaashi-kun to do the project for me?” You flash him a sweet smile while stretching out even more on the bed.

Snorting, he watches you sink into his mattress and roll around idly. “Hey, don’t you need the grade? You can’t pass if you make me do your work.”

Sighing, you hum in defeated content. “Well, it was worth a try.” You reach out your hand and tousle his wavy hair, and he almost flinches at the touch. He hates to say it but he loves it so much that you’re so affection with him, and Akaashi knows he would give anything to keep you teasing him with all this attention.

“Yeah.. yeah, it was,” he murmurs to himself before letting himself sit down next to you. He notices how you scrunch your body from a spread-eagle to a cute, curled up position to make room for him.

“Mm, so how are we gonna do this?” you ask, with a subtle mixture of bored and curious seeping into your tone. Then, he watches your features melt into a warm, mischievous smile as you hum, “Unless you just wanna nap and cuddle or something.”

(Holy fuck.)

Akaashi forces himself to scowl playfully and he shakes his head, sighing loudly in mock disappointment. “I don’t know what to do with you.” And equally as teasing, he adds, “I should just kick you out and not treat you to lunch if you’re going to be like this.”

“Noooooo!!!” you whine in this adorably frustrated and threatening voice. “Don’t you dare starve me or I’m feeding you to the rats.”

He chuckles. “See, that’s what I thought.”

But of course, your face wraps into a devilish grin as you say in a singsong voice and throw your arms around him (which makes him flush and makes his heart go WABAM), “It doesn’t matter though, ‘cause I got this whole-ass meal right here~”

“Shut up.”

(But you both know he never means it.)

Thanks to Akaashi (and your obliging albeit lazy participation), you two blow the science fair out of the way and get an A. He’s never seen you so delighted about a grade.

“I’m so happy~” you never shut up about how grateful you are for him, not that he’s complaining. “This is probably the highest mark I’ve ever gotten in this class.”

“Don’t over exaggerate. You’re not too bad at Bio,” Akaashi remarks. “You just need a tutor, probably, if you’re struggling.”

(By the way, he is ecstatic that you two are ACTUALLY FRIENDS!!! He’s even met your dog!!)

“Hmmmm…” You eye him warily before shrugging. “Whatever you say, Akaashi-kun.” Your eyes flit around before returning on him, and you start rambling about the newest anime you’ve gotten into and how it’s practically on-par with the manga, and how hot one of their characters are-

(For some reason Akaashi really zeroes in on that part.)

He really feels like he has to contribute something to the conversation, so he puts in, “Wow, [Name]-san, you’re such a fangirl.”

You snort loudly and put two peace-signs to your face like some kawaii anime girl, doing this mock-sweet smile. “Waaaooo, you’re rightttt. I’m Akaashi-kun’s number one fan!! He’s so cute when he’s yelling at me to do my work and super hot when he helps me with homew-”

He swears to god his face is radiating an inhuman amount of heat and he rolls his eyes before shaking his head and jabbing your side lightly. “Didn’t I tell you not to say that?”

“Ummm, maybe.” Your ‘innocent’ grin tells him otherwise. “But you know, you’re right, Akaashi-kun,” you cross your arms and give your cute little smirk again. “I am a genius, and I’m suuuper good at Bio. I just need someone to channel it.” And you lean forward until both your noses are touching, and Akaashi thinks he’s about to explode. “So maybe you could help me out?”

The subtle pleading undercurrent in your voice compels Akaashi to straighten up a little bit without flushing even redder. Keep cool, keep cool.

(He prays that his skill of keeping a poker face will hide the blood rushing around in his dick.)

“Well, what time?”

This time around, he finds himself at your house instead. You both are sitting at your desk, ‘working’ on your math and Bio homework. In other words, just talking.

He’s confident now in that the two of you are close friends. He’s learned that from afar, you were a sweet and confident yet perfectly kind girl. That was the girl he based his feelings off of. During your Bio project, he found the cheeky, sly and vibrant yet chill girl who always teased him but was still nonetheless sweet.

And now, under that facade, you were an anxious mess with a shit-ton of insecurities.

(He thinks it’s funny how you boast that you’re just like Shrek. You have layers.)

Akaashi glances at you, groaning with your head down onto the table. “I hate math..” he hears you grumble.

“Hey, you’re not too bad. You just have to be careful when plugging in your equations,” he counters.

“But what if I can’t remember my equations??”

“We both know you’re fine at remembering them.”

“I’m gonna fail.”

“Have faith in yourself, because I do.” And Akaashi is being completely honest. His confidence in you being just fine and being able to pass all your classes is strong because he’s seen you work (after procrastinating). “You just have to work on not putting things off until the last minute.”

You make a frustrated noise before resting your chin on your propped hand. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just.. destined to be set back, y’know? Like, everything I do is gonna somehow backfire on me.”

He knows the feeling, especially late at night in bed, stressing over what tomorrow might bring him.

“And like… I have this whole thing set up for me. When people know me as a classmate, I’m an average student, right? Then when we’re like… ‘friends’, I’m all weird and tease-y.” You let out a loud sigh. “And to the unlucky people who get to this stage, I’m a mess.”

“Stop.” Akaashi’s surprised at how firm he is. “I’m grateful to have met you and to have become your friend, [Name]. You’re going to be fine, you need to trust yourself more. Because I trust you more than anything.”

(Yes, he is on first-name basis with you!! Yes, he trusts you even more than he might even trust Bokuto!!)

Your lips twitch into a small smile, one that he’s grown to love and adore. He’s confident that he’s so fucking deep in love and he doesn’t know how to move on. “You really think so?”

“Of course I do.” He flicks some crumpled-up post-it at you. “Since we’re not doing any homework anytime soon, what else do you want to talk about?”

Your gaze becomes a little more shy and nervous. “Umm… Weeell, I need help.”

“I mean, why else would I be here?”

“No, seriously, Keiji-kun. Seriously!!” You throw mock-fit, despite obviously looking anxious.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m listening. Sorry.”

“Uh. Um, so…” You blink and pretend to look focused on doodling on the corner of your math paper. “There’s this dude I like. Like, I reaaally like him, which is surprising even for me.” You laugh a little bit, and as Akaashi feels his heart start to tear in half, he forces out a chuckle to match. “He’s suuuper pretty– I think that’s the word for it? Pretty. And he’s kinda funny in his own way, and he’s really sweet and listens to me all the time even when I don’t deserve his time. And I dunno, I think he might like me back? Also, I really really really like him. But I don’t really know how to confess…

“Because you know, I’m kinda wack like that, haha. I’ll probably screw up the confession and make things worse, and, well, I need help.” You finish your ramble with a loud breath and you collapse your head onto the table, groaning.

“Uh–” Fuck, oh fuck him, fuck his life. “I mean… I think just a heartfelt confession would do? Something simple and sweet that says you really like him, in case somehow your words don’t work.” Akaashi feels like he’s sweating, a lot, and he feels even more frustrated than ever. His heart is crashing against his ribcage, and his mind is a fucking mess.

You frown a little bit, and suddenly a gush of words fly out of your mouth like a stream bursting from a dam. “Oh my god, what if I’m reading the signs all wrong and he doesn’t at all like me back? I mean, I wouldn’t blame him because I’m kinda ugly and have this weird personality thing going on and I’m shit at math and Bio-”

“Stop.” Akaashi forces himself to intervene, mainly because 1) you’re literally the light of his life and 2) he feels like he has to leave really soon after dealing with the news. “Shut up, [Name]. You aren’t ugly at all, and I, for one, enjoy your weird personality. And I already told you, you’re fine with academics.” He makes himself make eye contact with you, peering up from your arm covering your face, and says, “If he rejects you, he isn’t worth your time at all and you should move on.”

(Preferably with me.)

He watches you exhale, like he just unwound a tight spring from inside of you, and your shoulders relax and you melt from your anxious state, just a little bit. “You’re right. If.. if he doesn’t feel the same, I’ll just forget about him.”

“Because you’re a genius.” Akaashi tries to hype you up, but he still feels like crumbling. Falsely checking his phone, he stretches and stands up. “I have to go now, sorry. My mom asked me to pick up my little sister from tutoring.”

“Huh, already?” Confusion flits across your face, and it hurts him even more to just leave you after you confided in him, but he knows he has to leave before he says something he might regret. “Oh, okaayy.. see you tomorrow then. Thanks for helping me out.” You yawn before standing up to hug him goodbye.

“No problem.” He says it casually, but Akaashi feels his mood drop faster and lower than ever. He hugs you back, but he breaks away fast.

After leaving your house and collapsing onto his bed in his locked bedroom (with his 11-year-old sister knocking on the door and curiously asking what’s wrong), he can’t help but feel hurt that you couldn’t even tell him who your mystery crush’s name was.

A week passes by, and neither of you mention the conversation at your house. It doesn’t matter either way, since you two are still so casually best friends. At the same time, he desperately wants to push the matter just to find out who it is.

Otherwise, Akaashi has noticeably been more quiet and moody to the point that he doesn’t know how to control it. Sure, he keeps up the same as he would before your conversation, but he can’t help but feel his heart sink everytime he sees you. His mind is ecstatic every time he talks to you, while simultaneously wanting to tear itself apart.

He’s tried getting rid of feelings for you, in literally every way possible. From avoiding thinking about you (which backfired horribly because he ended up thinking more about you) to focusing on other girls (ew, none of them were even capable of creating the same effect on him as you do), he’s tried it all and it’s all failed.

Akaashi realizes his silent slump has gotten so bad to the point that Bokuto made him sit out a few practice matches in the gym just because Akaashi was nowhere near the spot that any of the team expected him to be at.

After school, he meets with you near the vending machine as always. You buy two cans of coffee, one for you and one for him.

As soon as he takes the can gratefully, you clear your throat.

“Yeah, [Name]?”

Glancing around before staring him in the eye, you start, “Keiji-kun, before you run away, I just…. I just wanted to let you know I really really really like you. Like, a lot.” You start speaking kind of fast, so Akaashi can’t process what you’re saying.

“And I mean it. Ever since the Bio project, you’ve been so nice to me and you’ve been such a great friend even though I made it hard sometimes, and along the way I just caught feelings. You honestly mean everything to me, and I appreciate you so much for everything we’ve been through. I- I think, I love you, Keiji. And I hope you accept my feelings.” You smile, almost nervously but nonetheless sincere, and Akaashi thinks he’s about to explode.

“I- I,” Fuck, oh my fucking god, he thinks to himself. He’s shaking a little bit– that’s how happy he is. “[Name], I..” God fucking damn it, he can’t even express how happy he is. He feels his cheeks blossom and he feels his lips quirk into this goofy smile.

But then he watches you shy away a little bit as you hurriedly say, “I- I mean, sorry. It’s okay if you just wanna be friends-”

“No.” Finally, Akaashi can use his mouth and then he gently takes your cheeks in his hands and closes the gap between you two, lips connecting in a display of pining and affection.

He practically melts into the kiss, he’s never been so happy. He thinks he’s actually about to implode; he’s been dreaming about kissing you like this, against your soft, plush lips. And finally he’s able to call you his, to call you the one. When the two of you finally break away for air, he’s breathing hard and his mind is a mess, which is rare considering his usual stoic state.

Akaashi has also never seen you so flustered and blushy. He murmurs into your ear as he takes your hand, “Feelings are 100% reciprocated.”

“I can tell,” you laugh breathily, and he’s so happy to hear that some of your anxiety has dissolved in that sweet kiss. He’s absolutely infatuated with you in every aspect. He leans in for a soft, quicker kiss on the lips and savors the feeling of warmth he gets. “Dork.”, he whispers.

“Only for you.”

[prettyyoungtragedy]

Written in the Stars (7)

Characters: Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: You’re the type of woman who is headstrong and fiercely independent. Heiress to a fortune and one of the most brilliant minds of the 21st century. Until you’re forced into witness protection. Your “Protection” turns out to be 220 pounds of dreamy, sassy, delightful Bucky Barnes. Whatever could go wrong?

Warnings: A little bit of angst if you squint but that's it. 

A/N: So this is a super soft chapter, decided to give you guys a break with all the angst and shit and just have a little soft!Bucky for a bit! Stevie makes a lovely appearance and is soft too! But I warn you, this is the last sweet chapter’ you’re getting for a while lol. The rest of it is just ANGST city! If you wanna throw me a comment or a reblog, that would be nice!  I love hearing from you guys, so scream at me in my inbox too! Ya’ll are the fucking best!

This was generously Beta’d by my beta @suz-123 who helped write this soft chapter bc she’s so soft!!! love ya

Links are being a bitch so you can find the whole fic in my WIP masterlist in my bio!

Taglist is closed, Sorry guys!

It had been six days since the assassination attempt, six days of fighting with Nick Fury over the decision to pull you from the trial, and six days of making Bucky’s life a living hell while he escorted you around because all he allowed you to do was go to the lab for a few hours at a time and then back to the safe house and the tower gym.

You felt like a prisoner on death row and on the sixth day the news broke that you had withdrawn from the trial and it was splashed across every newspaper and website, evening news bulletin in town.

‘Key witness in the trial for Hydra war criminal withdraws’ - New York Post

‘Hydra scientist to walk free after key witness withdraws from testifying.’ - NY Times

‘Key witness fails the justice system as she withdraws from trial letting Hydra scientist walk free for his crimes.’ - New York Daily News

The worst was watching the pompous asshole on the news degrade you and your accomplishments, with his misogynistic and sexist take on why you’d quit the trial.

“Of course she would quit the trial, she is testifying against one of the most brilliant minds of our generation, she had no chance of winning a case against such a great man. She knew this, and so did the prosecution, losing their key witness is the something even the best prosecution can’t go on with. But she’s a high society princess, she didn’t think this through, she wanted her few minutes of fame and she got it. I’m sure some billionaire will come along and teach her-”

The TV suddenly switched off and you whirled around annoyedly to see who had turned it off. Bucky set the remote down on the nearby table and leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms.

“I was watching that,” You snapped,

“It’s bullshit,” He replied coolly,

“Don’t care, turn it back on.”

“You don’t need to watch that, it’s not worth seeing.”

“No, but it’s what people think of me now because all of you made an executive decision about my life for me!”

“For your benefit,”

“How Bucky, tell me how is this to my benefit? They are dragging my name through the mud and I can’t do anything about it.”

“You know the truth, what’s it matter if they have something to say about it. Leave it be.”

“You don’t fucking get it!”

“Then enlighten me,”

“You don’t get it because you’ve been called a monster your entire existence, I, on the other hand, used to be someone and I mattered!” The moment the words left your mouth you regretted them, you immediately stopped talking, your hand flew to your mouth gasping slightly at how harsh you had been.

Bucky’s face goes blank and he stands taller letting his arms drop to his side and shrugged before he spoke,

“I thought you were better than that,”

Then without another word he turned around and walked out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

“You fucking idiot.” You muttered to yourself, sighing at how quickly that escalated and how harshly you had spoken to him. You definitely owed him an apology for that one, it was the ultimate low blow.

~~~

Bucky barged into the gun range, anger ripping through him like a torpedo. Your words ringing true in his mind, again and again, all the way down here. He is seething, why the fuck does he let you get to him so much, and why does he care so much that you think he’s a monster.

There are a few trainees about, and Natasha who is currently running drills with them. Her gaze flits to him for a second, concern in her eyes before she goes back to the recruit loading the Baretta in front of her.

Bucky pays no heed to the people around him, he needs to shoot something or he's going to explode. Grabbing the nearest Glock he sees, Bucky loads the target on the pulley and slams the remote dragging it back a couple meters before he raised the gun and squeezed the trigger.

The loud sound goes off twelve times as he rapid fires the entire chamber at the target managing to hit every spot he is intending too. Of course, he does, he’s the world's greatest assassin, although Natasha begs to differ.

Frustrations still running through him, Bucky releases the empty clip and slams another one into place, before raising the gun again. He pulled the trigger in quick succession not bothering to change the target, he does this three more times before the target is practically littered with holes in it.

Natasha watched this display for a moment before she sighed and told the rest of the recruits to leave. Clearly, something was wrong and she needed to tend to it, she placed the gun in her hands back onto the metal table and walked over to where Bucky was.

“Wanna talk?” She asked interrupting his last shot at the target. At first Bucky doesn’t respond, instead, he dropped the gun onto the table with a clang and slammed his hands beside it. A minute goes by before he spoke.

“What do you want, Nat?” He asked, voice gruff and annoyed.

“Tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit James, speak to me.”

“There is nothing wrong, would you drop it.”

“I’m going to keep asking until you talk to me and you know how annoying I can be,”

Bucky sighed deeply and stood straight before turning around to face Natasha. She leaned against the wall nearby, watching him with a concerned frown on her face.

“Why are you so bothersome?” He chuckled, and she gave him a smirk, shrugging.

“You know me, I like knowing everything, so spill it.”

He hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words into what he was feeling, the emotion running through him and just how much you affected him without him even realizing.

“I am too invested.” He said simply, his blue eyes meeting her green ones, “And I’m scared it’s going to be like last time,”

Bucky doesn’t have to say anything more for Natasha to understand what he meant she of all people knew exactly what Bucky was implying and it hurt her heart that he still thought about that, even though it was all those years ago.

Some wounds never heal, she thought.

“James, that’s in the past,” Natasha said,

“Doesn’t mean history can’t repeat itself,” He retorted,

“No, but it doesn’t mean it will. you and I were doomed from day one as much as it hurts to admit. You have to stop living in the past or it’s going to haunt the life you live now and you will forever be a shadow of the man you could be.”

“Easier said than done,”

Natasha smiled softly at him, making her way over to him. She placed a hand on his cheek, a sweet gesture of affection between the two former lovers, two different people in a different time, a time long since past but a memory that still lingered occasionally.

“It’s not a job anymore, is it?” Natasha asked softly, and Bucky held his breath for a moment. The question was loaded, and the answer feels like a shotgun ready to go off inside him.

Exhaling deeply, Bucky lets his shoulders drop and he shakes his head, closing his eyes.

“No...no its not.”

~~~

The rain splattered down against the massive windows, lightning flashing across the skyline and dark clouds blanket the night sky. Darkness engulfs the city but the bright New York skyline casts a glow across its horizon.

You stood at the window idly staring out at the raindrops that pelted down against the glass, eyes occasionally flitting to the flashes of lightning that struck down. It was quiet, far too quiet for a Saturday night, or so it felt that way.

Bucky hadn’t come back to see you at all today, not since this morning when you snapped at him and said those harsh things. You didn’t blame him, you were an ass.

Sam had come and collected you to take you back to the apartment, and you were escorted by Sam and Steve from the tower back to the Manhattan apartment that was currently your home. Steve said that Bucky would be here later, he had some things to take care of and that you’d be safe in the house with the security system on.

They bid you a good night and turned on the system before leaving you alone in the large apartment.

At first, it was nice to be alone for a moment, you took a long hot bath trying to rid yourself of the tension and strain of the last couple of days then changed into a comfortable pair of silk pajamas before flipping through the Netflix selection for a while but finding nothing to watch.

You walked around the apartment several times out of boredom realizing that having Bucky around you all the time provided you with someone to talk to whenever you wanted to, and you suddenly realized just how lonely you were without him.

Your mind flashed back to earlier that day when you’d called him a monster, and guilt built up inside you. It was in the heat of the moment that you had let that word slip out but the way his entire demeanor changed when you’d said it and you hated yourself for that.

As you stood at the window, thinking about Bucky and what an ass you’d been to him all these months that he had been your protection, you came to the realization that the man was a goddamn saint for putting up with your shit.

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts that you hadn’t heard Bucky come in, he set his keys down on the coffee table and frowned at you standing at the window.

He called your name once but you didn’t respond at first then he moved towards you and touched your shoulder calling your name and it startled you.

In your state you assumed it was an intruder and screamed loudly, whirling around and throwing a fist at his face. Bucky had foreseen this happening and easily dodged the attack, staring at you wide-eyed.

“Bucky! Fucking hell!”You exclaimed your heart thundering in your chest from the fright you’d just received.

“Geez,” He said arching an eyebrow at you, “That was some punch,”

“Sorry, you just scared the ever living fuck out of me,” You sighed rubbing your face tiredly,

Bucky nodded, then raised his hand showing you the brown paper bag he carried.

“Is that from Butter?” You asked incredulously, unsure what to make of the fact that he had just brought you dinner from your favorite restaurant.

“Hungry?”

“Fucking starving.”

The two of you sat in the living room, Bucky sat on the floor in front of the coffee table leaning back against one of the couches, the dinner he’d brought from Butter in front of him and his eyes focused on the TV.

He had bought all your favorites from Butter, wild Salmon, oysters, Gnocchi Mac, and Cheese and even dessert, raspberry beignets. Bucky didn’t say anything as the two of you sat down in the living room to eat, you sat on the couch he leaned against quietly eating your dinner while Bucky picked something to watch on Netflix.

He settled on an animated cartoon show called Rick and Morty, it was crass and loud but you watched him enjoy it for some reason.

You glanced down at Bucky from where you sat, eyes roaming over his side profile for a moment. You hadn’t noticed before what long eyelashes he had because his long hair was always falling into his eyes, and the stubble on his jaw had grown a little more, you notice how he bit his lower lip every few minutes then rang his tongue over it sort of like a habit of concentration.

You also notice he isn’t wearing black but grey, instead. A pair of dark blue jeans, a grey t-shirt, and a grey bomber jacket. He looked so good in that damn grey jacket and you found yourself wondering if he had a girlfriend or if he didn’t how many women he had on retainer just waiting for him to fuck them.

What the fuck are you doing?!, You chastised yourself as your mind betrayed you and thoughts of what Bucky must look like naked flooded your mind. You quickly looked away from him and back to the TV, squeezing your eyes shut you mentally screamed at yourself for having such thoughts.

“You okay?” Bucky’s voice jolts you from those dirty thoughts and your eyes flew open, and you look down at him sitting on the floor.

“Oh yeah yeah I am fine,” You stuttered quickly, feeling heat flood your face.

“We can change the show if you are bored,” He offered gesturing towards the TV with that metal arm of his, and you found yourself wanting to touch it.

“No, No it’s fine. Excuse me,” You said getting off the couch and practically running to the nearest bathroom.

Once inside you locked the door behind you and went to stand in front of the sink, leaning your palms on the cool marble of the counter you took a deep breath. You looked up at yourself in the mirror and shook your head at yourself,

“Get your fucking shit together,” You softly chastised yourself, “Do not get involved with the help!”

But your mind doesn’t want to listen as the thought of Bucky’s soft looking lips on yours entered your mind and you groaned, grinding the heel of your palm against your eyes.

Sighing you opened the faucet and splashed some cold water on your face, trying to compose yourself before you patted your face dry and exited the bathroom again.

As you walked to the kitchen where Bucky was currently clearing away the plates from dinner, you thought about apologizing for what you had said earlier. He doesn’t look at you at first, he moves almost methodically as he placed the plates in the sink and began to wash them.

Without thinking twice, you moved to stand beside him at the sink and grabbed the dishtowel from the counter, before taking one of the wet clean plates from his hand. Bucky looked at your with a surprised look but quickly wiped the look off his face.

The two of you worked in companionable silence until the dishes were dried and packed away. When you are done, you leaned against the counter and regarded him for a moment. He took a seat at the island counter and pulled out his phone, you watch him furiously text someone for a moment before you spoke.

“Bucky,” You said

“Yes?” He doesn’t look up from his phone,

“I should apologize,” You said softly and he seemed to freeze for a moment and then set his phone down looking up at you.

“For?” Bucky asked cautiously,

“What I said earlier today, I didn’t mean it that way and it was unkind.”

Bucky was quiet for a moment before he nodded slowly, “I get it, trust me I do. What you’re doing, it’s not easy but there’s a right way to go about this and then there’s a smart way,”

“I know,” You sighed and moved to take a seat opposite him. You tiredly ran your hand across your face, thinking about what the media and everyone else had been saying about you and it bothered you so much.

“I know you want to put that asshole behind bars, and believe me when I say I want nothing more than to help you put him there, but you saying you don’t care if you live through this or not is the type of shit that’s going to make you reckless and I don’t get paid if you get reckless,” Bucky said, a joking tone to his voice,

You chuckled darkly at his comment, he had a point, of course, he did. Bucky thought smart, that’s why he was where he is today.

“So what do I do?” You asked softly, your eyes meeting his.

“For starters, you can stop watching the news and reading the shit posted online about you,” he replied, “Stop letting your emotions run the show and lay low. Let me protect you for god's sake and trust that Fury and Steve will come up with a plan, they want to nail these Hydra fuckers as much as you do.”

“Easier said than done,” You muttered,

“It’s easy if you know what they’re saying isn’t true. Trust me, when I came back to join the Avengers you should have read the shit that was said about it, it took a whole year before anyone looked at me as any kind of hero, not that I am. But if I’d let all that get to me, I wouldn’t be here today.”

You realized that Bucky was right. He of all people understood what you were going through because he was Hydra and managed to escape that life and seemingly walk out the other side fine. He knew what you were going through no matter how much you fought him on that, and a small part of you was grateful for him.

“I know I don’t say this often enough but you’re a pretty decent guy,” You said,

“Holy shit, was that...a compliment?” Bucky feigned shock and laughed when you flipped him off across the table.

“Don’t get used to it, you're still a colossal pain in my ass,”

“Ditto,”

“But seriously Bucky, thank you.”

“Always here to help,” He flashed a dazzling smile at you, and you almost fell out your chair because of it.

That goddamn smile of his was a fucking weapon.

~~~

‘Doctor Werner Reinhardt cleared of all charges and released on bail after key witness in prosecution testimony quits trial,’ - NY Times

Your hands trembled as you held the tablet in your hand and read through that morning’s news. You should have expected this, in fact, you were waiting for this to happen yet it still felt like a knife to the heart when your eyes moved through the words on the screen.

Of course, he was going to walk, your testimony was the only thing holding the prosecution's case together and with you pulling out it meant everything fell apart for them. But it wasn’t just the fact that he was free, no, it meant that they had won and you knew what was going to happen next.

The smug picture that was attached to the article made you want to throw up. Your heart was suddenly beating erratically in your chest and you felt clammy all over. The tablet clattered into the counter as it slipped from your hands, stumbling backward you gasped for breath and felt bile rising in your throat.

“FRIDAY?” You gasped

“I’m here,” The AI responded immediately,

“Where’s Bucky?”

“Sergeant Barnes left this morning for the tower, should I alert him that you need him?”

“No, who's my protection detail?”

“Captain Rogers is walking in as we speak,”

As if on cue, Steve walked into the kitchen to find you have a full-on panic attack. To your dismay, of course, he had to walk in just when you whirled around and hurled your breakfast out into the sink.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Steve said quickly making his way over to where you keeled over the sink and placed a comforting hand on your back, “What’s wrong?”

You couldn’t answer him just yet as your stomach twisted again and you heaved again, gripping the edge of the sink as you did so.

A quick survey of the kitchen by Steve and his eyes came to rest on the tablet on the counter, his keen eyes see the headline of the article on the brightly lit screen and he realizes what’s wrong.

“Deep breaths,” Steve says softly beside you, running his hand comfortingly on your back. You pushed open the faucet and the running water slightly calms you down before taking several deep breaths.

“I’m sorry,” You groaned wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. You feel mortified that Steve had walked in on your hurling your guts out in the kitchen sink, how classy.

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” He replied sympathetically, Steve moved to grab a paper towel off the counter nearby and handed it to you, which you gratefully accepted.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning,” You lied, “I haven’t been feeling great,”

Steve knows you’re lying, he can see it all over your face but he accepts your lie and just nodded understandingly. “Would you like Doctor Cho to give you a once over?” He offered,

“No no, I’m just…” You took a deep breath trying to calm your nerves, “I’m fine, Steve. Thank you.”

Steve gives you a soft smile, “Well, I’m here if you need anything,”

“Where’s Bucky?”

��He had a meeting this morning, so I’m stepping in.”

“Are Arcas, Achilles and that other beef head ever going to come back? I liked having them around to look at,”

Steve laughed heartily and shook his head. “Unfortunately, for now, they are on another assignment, so you’re stuck with Sam, Bucky and me,”

“Well, at least you’re pretty to look at,”

“Yeah well, you know, Uhhh, yeah thanks,”

You watch with amusement as Steve blushed at your comment and tried to unsuccessfully accept it before excusing himself to the living room. You spent a few minutes in the kitchen gathering yourself before you headed off to the showers to get dressed and get your day started.

~~~

It was a rainy day in New York City, dark clouds hung low over the skyline, thunder rumbled across the city and the smell of an oncoming thunderstorm blew through the air. Bucky sat in the front seat of blacked out Audi that was parked on the curb.

He chewed thoughtfully on the skin on his thumb, a bad habit he’d picked up whenever something was puzzling him. He was looking down at the file in his lap, eyes running through the information again and again.

The file contained every bit of information they had on the trial, and the doctor who had just been released on bail and information on the three agents he’d assigned to protect you.

Bucky couldn’t help the gnawing feeling inside him that he’d missed something and that’s why there had been an assassination attempt on your life in broad daylight. It was eating him up inside that he couldn’t figure out how that package had gotten to your lab, and how the agents sent to kill you knew the exact route he would take you on and worst of all, they knew exactly how many people to send to deal with them.

‘What am I missing?’ He thought to himself, the frown on his face deepening.

He felt the presence approaching the car before they even knocked on the window. Bucky looked up to see Steve and Sam walking you down the steps of your lab towards the car, you were laughing at something Sam was saying.

No doubt he was hitting on you. Bucky smiled slightly at how pretty you looked today, but then again he thought you looked pretty every day. Natasha’s words suddenly ringing in his mind,

It’s not just a job anymore.

Shutting the file and putting it in the glove compartment quickly, Bucky got out of the car and took a deep breath before shoving all irrational thoughts of you out of his mind. He needed to remain focused on the task at hand, he was here to protect you and nothing more, he can’t have his emotions clouding his judgment.

“Well here’s where we leave you,” Bucky hears Steve say as you stopped in front of the car,

“Enjoy the rest of your day with Sergeant fuckwit,” Sam said giving you a charming smile, Bucky rolled his eyes at this.

Fucking Wilson.

You laughed, “I can try, he’s not as fun as you though.”

“Yeah Bucky is all work and no play,” Sam winked at you, “Makes for a tedious companion.”

“Okay, I’ve had enough of you. Goodbye,” Bucky cuts in as you laughed at Sam’s comment again.

Steve and Sam say goodbye to you as Bucky opened the car door for you and waits for you to get in. Once the two of you are in the car, you turn to say hello to him.

“Hey,” You said, your day suddenly getting a whole lot better now that you were with him. You’d thought he was avoiding you or something since he hadn’t been around much the last couple of days and had stuck you with Sam and Steve. Not that you didn’t enjoy their company, but a small part of you missed seeing Bucky every day.

“Hey,” he smiled at you,

The sound of his voice makes your heart skip a beat, and a smile appears on your face.

Bucky Barnes was the best part of this protection detail. You were so fucked.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #220

“as long as god in heaven dwell, your soul, your soul shall scream in hell.”

Would people consider you more immature or mature? It depends on the context. Emotionally, I think I'm considerably mature. As far as eligibility to be a proper adult goes, yeah. No. Would people consider you more funny or serious? I personally don't think I'm very funny, but I'm not super serious, either. Are you currently in love with someone? Who is this person? So... I'm quietly pondering over whether or not I'm just biromantic, not bisexual. I genuinely think I'm in love with my girlfriend, I do, but we have so, so little actually sexual experience that I don't know if "bisexual" fits me. I totally adore her romantically, I know that, but maybe sexually, I'm not into her? I don't know. It's hard for me to say because when I picture doing certain "things," I can't really tell what I feel. I don't take that as an "I'm not into it" though, considering I've wound up liking things with a guy I didn't think I would with anyone, something I only discovered by doing it. This whole situation was driving me insane a few days ago to the point I felt sick, but I've calmed myself out of it to where I've accepted I just have to wait and learn, being long-distance. I'm still entirely invested in us and am going to be honest learning about myself. I haven't actually talked to Sara about it and don't want to unless I come to learn this hunch has credibility. Which room in your house are you in? What color are the walls? My bedroom; light puke green, Why God. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Who got you interested in it? I don't really know about my "absolute favorite." It depends on my mood, really. I think maybe watching my favorite YouTubers tops the list, something Jason actually started with PewDiePie; or RPing, which I got into myself thanks to Meerkat Manor. Would the people you know say you have a nice singing voice? Barely anyone ever hears me sing, so idk. I personally feel my voice suits only few songs. Would you say most of your friends are older/younger than you? Ummm, good question. All but two are very close in age range, but most of my friends/closer acquaintances are kinda split around either side. Were you named after anyone famous or anyone on television? Nope. Are you listening to music right now? If so, who’s singing the song? Yeah, I'm listening to Khemmis' cover of "A Conversation With Death." It's the intro song to that new game Man of Medan and is so badass. All the comments are like "came here from so-and-so's LP because this is epic" and same. What is your dream career? What inspired you to pursue this career? Probably meerkat biologist if I could handle the heat and was okay with moving, or paleontologist if I wasn't opposed to heavy travel. I love meerkats and dinosaurs v v much. If you have a significant other, do you get jealous of people a lot? No. What would you say is your favorite holiday? Why did you choose this? Halloween bc spooks and costumes and candy. Does it feel odd being around your friend’s parents? Why or why not? If I'm alone with them and don't know them very well, sure? What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Is there one in your city? Sonic, probably. And no, but in our neighboring city. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Is there one in your city? Olive Garden. See above. Do you ever take pictures with family members around the holidays? Mom pretty much forces it, lol... Have you ever thought you were adopted because of opposing interests? Y'ALL not kidding I legit asked my fucking mom if I was adopted in elementary school bc I thought she hated me one day versus my little sister lmfao. I went through a phase of feeling like she couldn't be "this mean" to her legitimate child. Are you more interested in indoor activities or outdoor things? Hm, that depends on the activities available. Most outdoor things are more fun, though. When is the next time you’ll see someone you’re crushing on? We were just talking a couple days ago about our next visit, actually. If I can financially, I'm probably coming up to see her for her birthday again, as that's when I have a decent break from school. Speaking of which, how many people are you crushing on right now? Lol I mean it's been just shy of two years, a "crush" doesn't cut it. Have you ever played Super Mario Bros. for Nintendo DS? Was it fun? No, actually. I didn't grow up playing Mario games. What exactly is your favorite gaming system? Do you have this system? The PS2. It had a giant graphical leap, contains SOOOOO many goodies, and you can still play PS1 games on it. How often do you talk on the phone? Who do you talk with the most? Very very rarely, pretty much only ever with my mom or dad. I hate talking on the phone. Do you normally do what other people around you want you to do? Depends. What does your trick-or-treat bag or pail look like? I don't have one anymore, but it used to be an orange, plastic jack-o-lantern. How old will you turn on your next birthday? 24... wow. What are your plans to celebrate? Probably just go out to dinner with family. What floor do you live on? I only have one floor. Do you have a balcony? No. What is your favorite fall drink, if you had to pick just one? None. Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? I've never watched it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? I'm pretty sure I was in my entire school career... Damn dude, proud. Were you a straight A student in math? HA hell no. I could get a C sometimes. Were you abused or do you know anyone who was abused? I wasn't, but I know people. Are you a Democrat or Republican, or neither? Neither. Independent. Who would take care of you if you needed surgery? My mom and dad, as far as bills go. Do you think you have an accent? Not really. Sometimes you can hear it, though. Have you been told you have an accent? Only when I was younger. I had a SERIOUS one. My family in NY couldn't even understand me sometimes, lmao. Where do you live (country or state)? North Carolina. If you could start a church, what would it be like? I wouldn't. Are there any shades of blue that you don’t like? If so, which ones? Nah. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? Get a goddamn stable job. Do you know what your purpose in life is? Spreading the love and respect of animals and conservation. If you live in an apartment, what is the maintenance man’s name? N/A What are some fall activities you would do with your kids? Hypothetically, if I had/wanted kids, I'd enjoy carving pumpkins with them, obviously taking them trick-or-treating, autumnal crafts would be fun together, and watching Halloween/scary films appropriate to their age would be a nice experience. I'd decorate the house with them. Oh, a hayride would be cool together, I love those. AND DON'T FORGET JUMPING INTO LEAF PILES! I have a lot of ideas for someone who doesn't want to be a mom. Have you ever seen a fox? Yeah. At least one alive, a handful as roadkill. What color are the squirrels where you live? Brown. What do the trees look like where you live? Pine trees. Pine trees. What was the best vacation you’ve been on so far? Disney World as a kid. What is the best class trip you’ve been on? I really enjoyed the trip to Beaufort to an island of wild horses. The water was rough that day, and goddamn... watching the ocean in its aggression was unbelievable. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? UM, DID ANY KID NOT????? Do you find museums boring or interesting? Very interesting! Gimme a science museum and I'm SOLD. What are three issues you are passionate about? GAY RIGHTS, wildlife and nature conservation, women's rights and the pro-choice argument. What are three countries you have no desire to visit? North Korea, Iraq, and... uh... idk. I guess the Middle East in general. That shit's rough. Do you like your country’s flag? Sure? Stars r dope? Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? NO. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? Oh. My. God. When I was on three Klonopin a day (I'm now on just one and don't even take it every day), I literally could not function. There was one day in particular (I was on three very briefly bc of this) where I just slept until evening. I physically could not stay awake. I remember I was in the middle of watching a Game Grumps' Mario playthrough, and I'd only last like, ten minutes before I HAD to lie back down, and I'd fall back asleep in like, a minute. That was one of the most awful days ever, I was miserable. Do you like bath bombs? Sure, they're pretty. Who is your favorite neighbor? I don't actually know any. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? He's not very small, I think he's at about a million and a half subs, but Timmy Timato is so fucking iconic. He is an Actual Mood. I have no interest in what he actually posts; I just watch for him. As well, Johnny Paranormal is cool; he's a fuckin awesome guy and is chill and relaxing to watch. I don't watch him religiously, though. Rarely, actually. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? HAVE U HEARD OF????? THE MARKIPLIER GUY??????? What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? I think it was the Pussycat Dolls, fuck off, don't say shit 2 me "Buttons" is still dope. Do you like Disney movies? Blocked & reported if you don't. What’s your favorite superhero movie? Man idk, I enjoy a lot. I enjoyed The Avengers, and Logan REALLY tugged at my heart. Do you have any credit card debt? I don't have a credit card. Have you ever been really late for work because you slept past your alarm? No. What was your favorite way to spend a summer day as a kid? Swimming. What’s the longest you’ve worked without a day off? Probably like... two days, lmao. It's not like I have a lot of experience. Have you ever been scammed? I don't think so. Where were you the last time you kissed someone? The airport. How’s your mental health? Are you feeling well? It's fine. Do you struggle with acne? No, not anymore. Do you have any uncommon interests or hobbies? RP is definitely the "strangest." Have you ever fostered an animal? No. Are you the clubbing type? Definitely not. Never been, not interested. Bar goer? No. I don't trust strangers + alcohol, and I'd be really scared of being hit on. Song you can’t stand? I don't think there's a song I've heard that I hate more than "Welcome To The Machine" by Pink Floyd. Well, correction, "Friday" by Rebecca Black. That autotuned to all fuck voice is just... major ew. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? Jason is. Well, if he looks the same as last time I saw him, which was in 2017. Juan doesn't look half bad. Aaron's cute. What is unattractive about them? Jason: fucking communication skills. Juan: his reckless streak. Aaron: nothing that I know of, he's a sweetie and on a great path. Your hottest ex’s name starts with the letter what? J. Pick two highlighter colors: Yellow, Pink, Blue, Purple, Orange. Pink and orange. Has anyone ever written on you? Who hasn't been written on by friends with markers as a kid? Have you ever dated a fat person? Yes. Have you ever dated someone with a fine ass body? I mean this with total respect and love towards her: Sara's body is genuinely sexy. Her figure is amazing. Have you ever had any article of clothing tailored? What for? Yeah, for prom, as well as my sister's wedding. Do you welcome people back when they say they have returned? Yes. What are two foods you think taste good with whipped cream? I fucking hate whipped cream. How long would it take you to walk to the nearest fire hydrant? I've never paid attention, actually... Do you own anything that has the words or picture of ‘mustache’? Well my Mark tribute tat has the Iconic pink mustache on it, and the texting screen background on my phone is also a pink mustache collage-y thing lmao. When you see a feather on the ground, do you ever pick it up? Yeah, sometimes. If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef? On a burger. How would you feel marrying the man you love who has already a son? I don't love a man, and I wouldn't marry anyone with a kid. Have you ever played Roller Coaster Tycoon? What did you think of it? No, but I had SeaWorld Tycoon or whatever it was called. I loved that game. When you are chopping onions, does it really affect your eyes personally? I've never cut an onion myself, but when I'm in the proximity of someone doing it, I feel mild irritation. How long can you hold your breath for? Is there anyone who is better? Idk, I don't feel like testing it. When was the last time you had a pet goldfish? What was its name? I couldn't even try to guess. Are you insecure about your height? What made you think this way? No. Do you enjoy mayonnaise with French fries? Why or why not? Um that sounds disgusting. Did your last significant other have a huge temper? Actually, he warned me that he can and he was nervous about me ever seeing it. I, thank Christ, never witnessed it, though. I would've broken the fuck down, I can't handle angry men. What was the topic discussed in the last meeting you attended? I don't know the last time I went to a "meeting." Honestly, when’s the last time you genuinely liked someone? Now. Are you Team Jacob, Team Edward, or you just don’t care? I've never been into Twilight, but I find Jacob way more attractive. Do you like it when questions are long and make you think? Yes. Have you ever had love at first sight happen to you? No. Do you think Avatar is really all that great? I'm assuming you mean the movie and not TLA? I never saw the full thing, but I would love it. Love or trust? Trust, I think. You can't love someone in a healthy fashion if you don't trust them. What do you think about sexting? Not about that personally. That'd be so awkward. Have you ever done it? Those days where RP mating scenes on YouTube were over private message, timeskipping wasn't a thing... oh boy. It WAS uncomfortable. Would you ever swim with dolphins? Yeah! Have you ever believed a stereotype? Probably at some point. Have you ever tried marijuana? No, though tbh I probably would (but not through smoking it) for anxiety and panic attacks if it was legal in my state. Is there any reason you should be in jail right now? Can you go to jail for illegally downloading, or it is just a fine? Idk. Did the house you grew up in have a big yard? I mean, it was decent. What has been the most difficult class you’ve ever taken? Latin. That shit was so hard. Do you have any medication that you keep with you at all times? Yes, for panic attacks. What’s something that’s much more difficult than a lot of people realize? Heartbreak. Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? Yes, but Mom played a larger role. Did any of the classes you took in high school count towards uni credit? No. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair. Do you plan outfits? "Not unless it’s a special occasion." <<< Are your parents strict? No. Would you go sky diving? Probably not. I'm afraid of heights, and I'd be really scared the parachute wouldn't deploy. Who sits behind you in your math class? Quite honestly, a bitch. She always has shit to say under her breath. Do you have good vision? No, it's awful. When was the last time you watched a show for people younger than you? Last I was with Sara. We're watching Avatar: The Last Airbender together. Have you ever snuck someone into your house before? No. Is there something your significant other does that bothers you completely? She's competitive and admits to it. A lot, particularly in writing, is a "mine needs to be better" thing. When was the last time you kissed someone on the cheek? When I saw my niece and nephew at my nephew's birthday party. How many best friends do you have? One. Did you ever get bullied as a child or were you the bully? Neither. Would you rather eat grape or strawberry jelly or jam? GRAPE. I hate strawberry jam/jelly. Do your parents ever send you to do their grocery shopping for them? No. Do you know anyone who has a speech impediment? I don't think I do personally. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was like... 11-12 or so, maybe? Possibly younger? Have you ever had a significant other who hit you? Fuck no. Do you own any exercise machines? No. Do you still leave/receive voicemails? If I need to, sure. School leaves me voicemails sometimes if I miss a call. Do you live in your hometown? No. Are you a festive person? Do you enjoy holidays? Not very festive, but I mean, I enjoy 'em. Did you/Will you attend college? I'm back in college now!! You’re feeling down - do you listen to sad music or happy? Sad. Listening to music fitting my mood helps me feel related to and not alone. You’re looking for some new music - what’s your preferred way to discover? YouTube recommendations. Do you watch the news? No. What hooks you to a television show? The most important thing is A GOOD PLOT!!! It needs to be really interesting to me, bc I do NOT get into shows easily. As for funny shows, they need to be fuuuuunny. I don't think I could ever get "hooked" on a show again, though. I just don't watch TV. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Yes. On the morphine occasion, it didn't do jackshit. I don't think they gave me nearly enough. Is there anyone that makes your skin crawl? The #1 thing that most fits the definition of "skin crawling" to me is seeing a fetus move from outside the stomach, especially the further the mother is along. It's fucking alien-esque and actually makes me scream and panic. Are people more likely to tell you to tone it down or to speak up? It can be either. Do you have a dining room in your house? No. Do you know the alphabet in any other languages? Very close to all of German's. I blank and aren't sure on a couple. How many people have you had sex with? One. Have you ever been surfing? No.

[sombrz]

Hello please talk about king explosion murder

THE BOY!!!!!

can you believe i spent months trying to be lowkey about my bakugou ships? it took me a while to even admit he was my favourite despite the fact i knew from the start i’d end up a bakugou stan. i never had a ‘oh no this kid’s a mean terrible person’ phase - it was a ‘oh, i can’t Reveal my character tastes like this. not like this.’ phase.

this got…..long. so uh. under the cut it goes:

ANYWAY: i ship bakugou with…..uh…….a lot of characters. kiribaku is the easiest to explain - dumbass jock boyfriends who do shit like baku using kiri as a hammer to make mochi. and kiri being gung-ho about testing his unbreakable mode (which, btw, was motivated by bakugou’s words!!!) by having bakugou fucking. use howlitzer impact on him. you know how i feel about bro ships (hint: i love them). how kiri went from ‘man this bakugou guy is nuts!!! we have to stop him!!!!’ to ‘wow bakugou is so manly and cool and i wanna be by his side’ in the span of (1) one-on-one convo. HE LIKES BAKUGOU SO MUCH. IT’S CUTE. LIKE, I DON’T THINK BAKUGOU GETS HOW HAPPY HE MAKES KIRISHIMA LMAO. how bakugou so readily accepted kiri as an equal - bakugou, who only had two categories for people [extras vs rivals], never thought to seriously think of kiri as anything but an ally and a friend, people always talk how kirishima was the first classmate bakugou even bothered remembering the name of, and with reason, since it says a lot. kiri’s got quite a bit of mlm subtext going on, tbh, and bakugou’s the source of almost all of it. soooooo there’s that too. 

but i’ve also fallen Deep into bakudeku. it’s the shared development, okay. the history and complex emotions and the slowburn to becoming partners. there’s just so much, and they’re so ENTRENCHED in each other. for better or worse, for how much they might dislike the fact they can’t stop thinking about each other, they just can’t help it. they couldn’t understand each other at all but somehow still knew the other inside and out. and deku’s been so smitten since he was like a baby 3 year old and it breaks my heart. it’s honestly one of my favourite shounen rival ships bc it keeps subverting your expectations. and every episode/chapter that deals with their issues and nudges them closer to the ideal - the endgame - is guranteed to be among the best. they’re the backbone of the series, and i love watching them grow together. the fact that they’re currently HEALTHY RIVALS AND TENTATIVE FRIENDS (like deku feels so comfortable gushing over bakugou to his face again and bakugou is so invested in deku’s improvement & is only snappy w/ him out of reflex lmao)….that bakugou is deku’s secret keeper and deku is the one person bakugou allows himself to be vulnerable around……HOO BOY. i just imagined bakugou holding out his hand for deku to take - or accepting deku’s hand at all - and died.

ALSO, TODOBAKU….my darkhorse ship, which hit me in the face one day when i realized how a) hilarious they are together and b) how the series keeps shoving them together (sometimes literally - thanks slidin’ go for giving them the group hug they deserved). i love how they’re so different yet similar - bakugou is loud and obnoxious while todoroki is stern and quiet, but they’re both rude prodigies who needed to be jumpkicked into realizing that they could become better people with the help of others instead of letting anger and bitterness swallow them up. and the provisional exam course made it so they were forced to hang out with each other 95% of the time for three whole months and i LIVE FOR THAT. i love how funny they are - todoroki is snarky & doesn’t even bat an eyelash over bakugou’s tantrums but genuinely tries to be nice and make friends with him! bakugou is so petty and wants todoroki’s attention soooo bad but don’t think i haven’t noticed that most times we’ve seen him genuinely smile has been in todoroki’s presence (ok, then todoroki reacts to it and bakugou instantly goes back to a snarl but STILL). also the fact that the narrative doesn’t want us to forget that bakugou eavesdropped on todoroki telling deku about his family, and bakugou is always Alert and keeping an eye on todo whenever endeavour is involved bc he’s sympathetic and y’know??? cares????? SO GOOD. AND THEY’RE SUCH A GOOD TEAM - SURPRISINGLY IN SYNC AND THEIR QUIRKS MATCH UP AND I LOVE THEM!

GOD, HORI…..BAKUGOU/URARAKA WOULD BE SO GOOD. like, can you *imagine* the sheer potential of a ship that you only really have them interact during one goddamn tournament fight and yet it becomes arguably the most popular het ship in your series (w/ only the main character and his canon love interest as real competition????) i love them though, like,,,,i find it so interesting that uraraka has shown, despite again - minimal onscreen interaction - that she understands bakugou better than most. she knows how he’d handle their fight and uses that to her advantage. (and while she still lost, she gained his respect and a new drive to get stronger!) she’s the one who brings up how HE’D feel about the plan to go rescue him - that his pride would prevent him from easily accepting help. i’m desperately trying to figure out a way they could animate that omake where uraraka plants herself in deku’s seat and demands that bakugou bury the hatchet with him while gently but firmly calling him out for his root issue of fear and his defense mechanism of violently pushing deku away. and it managed to calm him down and honestly, i wouldn’t be surprised if he ruminated on those words for a while. IT’S SO GOOD, WHY WASN’T IT IN THE STORY ITSELF!!! and like, the mere fact he respects her a lot and ended up *psyched* to continue fighting her - and after he’s told deku had nothing to do with her plan, i don’t think he’d make that mistake again, which makes it easier for him to understand her back. he knows she’s smart and talented and that everyone else was wrong to underestimate her. also, i love that uraraka thinks bakugou is like…..funny? he’s out there threatening to murder kaminari and uraraka’s like ‘hahaha :’’)))’ bc she has such a Bro/vulgar sense of humour. like, i think they’d have a lot of fun together. LET THEM TALK MORE, PLS!!!!

THOSE ARE MY MAIN SHIPS BUT I ALSO SHIP HIM WITH THE REST OF THE BAKUSQUAD! BOTH PLATONICALLY AND ROMANTICALLY! I HAVE NO SHAME! baku/kami is so underrated and great - kaminari is just as much bakugou’s bff as kirishima is, tbh, and he has absolutely No Chill which makes their interactions - especially the further the story goes and bakugou’s edges soften - so much fun. one moment, he’ll be casually commenting that bakugou is the worst and needs to change his whole rotten personality - then the next second, he’ll be sprawled all over him, calling him kacchan and defending his honour from actual haters. and bakugou just fucbdhfhd lets this happen. bakugou likes kaminari enough to just let him. do whatever the hell he wants. ALSO, THE BAND. admittedly, sero is the only one with enough common sense and actual standards to avoid dating bakugou (’HE’LL NEVER BE BEAUTIFUL’ ghdhfhd sero) but i still adore them. sero’s so tricksy and loves playing the reverse psychology trick on bakugou, who just constantly falls for it. i bet he was the first person bakugou let just hang out in his room, and he probably appreciates that sero actually gives him his space when he needs it! i can’t believe baku/sero is the Real ‘bakugou pining’ ship. @ hori: GIVE MINA AND BAKUGOU ACTUAL INTERACTIONS, GDI. i’m forced to headcanon their whole dynamic from near-scratch. whereas kiri and kami are more the type to glue themselves to bakugou’s back, i imagine mina’s the type to actively drag bakugou along places. she probably cried when she found out that a) his parents are rich designers (’BUY ME CLOTHES, BAKUGOUUUU’) and b) his glycerin-based quirk and taking after his mom means he usually has perfect skin and has never broken out in his life. she doesn’t speak to him for a week until he takes her out to dinner and buys her a cute dress. and i’m super fond of baku/jirou. i love that their dynamic is like…..while the rest of their friends are doing dumb shit For The VineTM, they’re on the sidelines waiting for shit to hit the fan. they’re punk buds and prob do that couples clothes switch thing a lot just to see if anyone notices. jirou bosses him around and he takes all her advice seriously and like, they trust each other! they have great team synergy! she was the first person bakugou both consciously protected and asked to protect him in turn!! DID I MENTION THE BAND?? i also ship him with camie! it’s just such a funny concept to imagine - like imagine you’re in class 1A and bakugou shows up out of nowhere with a hot girlfriend who talks. like that. and she makes him laugh??? and no, seriously, does he actually understand what the hell she’s saying???? WHAT’S HAPPENING. but yeah, she very casually teases him but also seemed comfortable w/ him right off the bat and i know in my heart that bakugou relented and let her have his phone number. also, i find it funny people started shipping him with shindou after bakugou was the one to call him out for being duplicitous. bakugou’s the type of character that just needs to interact with another character once and *someone* out there will be like ‘what if………..they were dating’ and that’s so valid of them.

good bakugou ot3/ot4s: kirishima/bakugou/uraraka, todoroki/midoriya/bakugou, todoroki/inasa/camie/bakugou. i reblog a looooot of kirishima/kaminari/bakugou and bakugou/uraraka/midoriya even tho i don’t actually ship either as an ot3 that much, oops? they’re good ships tho.

is there something i’m missing? I MIGHT BE MISSING SOMETHING.

[loghainmactir]

hewwo! i was wondering if u could pls give me some advice on starting my transition? ive been so scared to start bc of family and costs but ive decided to just. do it. yknow? like if i don't ill probably die lol. u look amazing and rly confident in yourself in all ur selfies and one day i wanna be Like That ✌️❤️

hi! ok, so first of all: yeah, i absolutely can give u advice, and second of all: i remember feeling exactly like you did. it literally wasn’t that long ago, either, it was like. 2013/14/15 (i can’t remember, time is fake, whatever lmao!). third of all: bless u yr so sweet. i still have a lotta issues with confidence (i doubt myself, my talent and what i can do literally hourly), but honestly? i love my body right now. it’s a good, genderless body, goddamnit.

long, long post ahead bc i’m trying to think of things i did and good god please take it with a grain of salt because a lot of this is just me ranting about things i wish I’D done in my own position. i’m also coming from a place where HRT and surgeries AREN’T free, so that’s also A Thing. everyone’s experience is different.

transitioning (particularly medically) really super fuckin varies country by country (and honestly probably even state by state, age by age and fuckin gender by gender because cis people won’t let us fucking BE goddamn): i don’t know where you are, so my only tips there r: find a trans friendly doctor/endo (i was kinda forced to go through a hospital bc That Was How It Was here in good ol’ Australia), and one people wholeheartedly recommend, if you wanna go that route.

my first point is make sure you find safe spaces in every goddamn aspect of your transition. medically, socially, physically. if you think your doctor is refusing you treatment or is discriminating against you, you NEED to ditch that doctor. if your friends and family are really verbally or physically violent against LGBT folks, you NEED to leave that space if you can (or not come out and wait until you can leave. seriously. i’m kinda lucky– my grandma was verbally violent against LGBT folks, and initially my mum was skepitcal, but i convinced them both to go to a group for LGBT+ parents and friends and they slowly turned around). get yourself friends, get yourself allies.

i cannot stress that enough. my first doctor refused to send my referral letter to the royal children’s hospital gender clinic because even tho he presented as a “nice” guy, he believed that because this was “”””out of the blue”””” for me, he figured he’d just Not Send It (and tried to tell me that a lotta kids there didn’t actually helpo, lol). so there i was, a young 15-16 year old alister, waiting like 2-3 months for something that didn’t even get fucking sent.

join trans groups on facebook and in real life. seriously, they’re a godsend; there’s buy-and-sells, advice posts, encouragement posts. ESPECIALLY local ones. most of them on facebook are private, meaning no one can see if you’re posting/in the group, and it’s easy to check if they’re not. these fb pages + local groups are good ways to find trans friendly spaces and doctors. i found my current doctor, who’s actually one of the very few doctors who knows what the fuck he’s on about re: trans people, through a real life trans group. they were like “oh, you should see x”, and even though he’s about 30-40 minutes away from me, he’s brilliant and honestly saved my life.

along those lines: figure out what you want from your transition, and then realize & accept that this may change (and it also may not change!). very early on, i was super insistent that i wanted phalloplasty and to wear packers, and now i couldn’t care less. at first, i identified as agender, and then as a trans guy/ftm, and now i identify as a Black Hole (i’m kidding, don’t @ me). like, a lotta people DON’T change their minds. but i did, some people do, and it shouldn’t be anyone’s business but your own what you want to do with your body 

(sidenote: this also goes for detransitioning or stopping medical transition but continuing to socially transition/present differently. literally, it’s fine. it’s your body. fuck anyone who says otherwise.)

again: FUCK ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.

your body is literally your body. do NOT let anyone tell you what to do with it or who you are. i had people very early on scream at me (legitimately scream and throw me out of home, thanks grandma), tell me i wasn’t actually trans, and harrass me for this shit: but frankly, if i’d put myself back in the closet, i wouldn’t be alive right now. i would’ve killed myself years ago, and i wish i wasn’t kidding. if it’s safe, you need to stand up for your own body and your rights and put yourself somewhere that will allow you to follow through. you need to keep going and keep living.

my only other two pieces of advice are “patience, baby”– like, for real, every single part of transition takes time. this varies from where you are and who’s supporting you, but it’s generally true. it takes time for people to accept new names and pronouns 

(lotta people get furious about this, and i used to be one of those people, but hindsight’s a bitch and you gotta realize that… like, it’s hard for some cis people. you gotta give them a little bit of wiggle room, especially if they’ve never ever met a trans person before. it’s about reminders, reminders, reminders: which is SO hard if you’re not safe/don’t have the confidence. there IS a flip side to this though: if chad and stacey have known your new pronouns for months, now, and they keep “””slipping””” up, they’re not slipping up, honey. they’re doing it on purpose. kick their teeth in i’m kidding please don’t do this you know what i mean.)

it takes time for HRT to kick in. it takes time to gather a Look™ of your own you like, it takes time to build confidence to even tell people, it takes time to save up money for surgeries and it just… takes time. sometimes because it’s a naturally slow process, sometimes because cis people are Cis People and like to gatekeep. i remember being very young in my transition, sitting in the car after one of my appointments with the afformentioned shithead doctor bawling my eyes out because he’d told me i wouldn’t be able to access t for x amount of time and it was bullshit. this year i’ll be 2 years on t. wild, huh? there’s a lot of us and not equal amounts of resources (ESPECIALLY in public systems) depending on where you are, so you gotta be prepared to WAIT.

i’ll tell you what super helped me through those years: hyping myself up for other things! i still have the ticket from my first twenty one pilots show. that show meant SO much to me. i cried all through it, because waiting for that show kept my mind off of the wait for my royal children’s appointments (and even waiting to go up to melbourne bc my mum and i would go and get kebabs was a good thing to focus on!). keep things that aren’t trans related on hand (seriously i struggled with this because dysphoria and shit is fucking hard!! it’s easy to say but really fucking hard to put into practice).

(one day i’m gonna tell tyler and josh just how much they saved my goddamn life. i know they hear it weekly, but i will.)

my other thing is that uh. it won’t solve all your problems especially if you’ve got mental illnesses. this is a really fuckin depressing thing i had to drill into my brain, but it really helped. transitioning solved SO many of my issues. i no longer have back issues (thanks, like, literal kilo titties, lmao), i no longer have sore ribs and i can breathe and wear shirts. i lost so much weight (and am kinda gaining it back, but whatever). i no longer have anxiety about whether people can tell i’m binding– which is WILD because i used to stress the fuck out about it to the point where i never went out anywhere. i used to sit on the bus wondering if the person next to me could tell i had titties. now it literally doesn’t even register.

my issues now stem from PTSD, depression, BPD and ADHD. how do you fix this? you don’t. but what HAS helped is finding a therapist who won’t pressure you into talking about trans shit. lemme tell you: this shit gets exhausting after the fifth time of “oh i googled ‘can you become a boy’ when i was, like, nine” (this is my go to story because this memory is so vivid). of course, there’s gonna be moments where you HAVE to: my therapist recently actively asked me to briefly run through it for my PTSD report. but otherwise we literally haven’t talked about it and that is a GODSEND (because i don’t need it. if you need it, that’s good, too!). having a therapist that you can just wordvomit at wrt anything is literally the best thing and can be super helpful– seriously, there were a few trans-related sessions where i just snarled about the bullshit gatekeeping and the bastard i had to see for my therapist letter (oooh, every time i think abt the fact that it was something like $400-500 for two fucking sessions i get so mad lol), but outta 14 it’s really only like 2-3 of them.

but yeah. that’s it. i dunno, these are things that i’ve learnt and sorta… like to think as helpful for myself. of course, this could be different for you: you’re not me, you’re entirely different, in no doubt an entirely different country, social, financial, mental state. i was FUCKED UP when i first came out. i didn’t know that then, but i do now. i spent a lotta time by myself and that’s not healthy, so i really encourage you to reach out to our community, local and worldly, because oh my god, we’re here for you. we are SO here for you.

[theangry-ace]

currently playing: Ken ga Kimi

update 5

time for our resident haraguro(?) boi, Sakyo. tbh I’m not looking forward for his route at all bc I am absolutely fucking scared of anything close to yan. my kokoro is not strong enough for them. but I do like Sakyo in the drama cds, especially the momoyo tsuzuri one. he’s like the most gentle boi with a tendency to tease Kayo or anyone else, whether or not that’s what he intended to do or not.

WARNING: THIS BOI BROKE ME PLS HELP

so our boi Sakyo has two kind of face; one, the ‘normal’, a bit formal and proper personality he showed to others. the other is the 100% enraged, I-will-kill-you-slowly-bc-I-wanna-enjoy-killing-you type of thing. he has a bit of an anger issue as well that he does exactly nothing to hide if ppl mentioned them. his purpose in life is only to exact the revenge of some oni who attacked and murdered his entire family. Sakyo mentioned in the common route that he didn’t trust (or don’t like) Enishi and Suzukake. I suppose he didn’t like ppl who didn’t seem to be dependable.

after the whole merry joyride to Sunpu, Sakyo went to some cave which was rumored to gather a heck load of oni trying to do... something? IDK. but they had already cleared the cave and was on the way to Edo. back in Edo, Kayo’s dad put up a banquet for the six samurai who had been protecting his precious baby girl but Sakyo didn’t manage to be present. he was instead busy in his pursuit for Zantetsu, one of the oni who killed entire family. but unfortunately, Sakyo walked right into a trap and was surrounded by oni and he got away with a terrible wound on his arm (I don’t remember which but he did say it’s no biggie bc he use his sword in another). it was night when Kayo saw Yanohiko, a neighboring kid, was wandering around saying he was getting some water for a wounded samurai. after Kayo realized it was Sakyo, she took him to her room and somehow managed to hide a whole person for a long time in her own fucking room without her dad even noticed!!! what the heck dad like i respect that u respect ur baby girl’s privacy but a wHOLE GROWN ASS PERSON!!! IN UR FUCKING HOUSE!!! FOR MANY DAYS!!!!

and so while living incognito in a girl’s room, Yanohiko came by as well to play with Sakyo. dude is actually not 24/7 angry or thinking about revenge. he is quite gentle with Yanohiko and taught the boy to write and play goma (spinning top?). there is one goddamn funny scene when Kayo’s dad suddenly wanna talk with her and there’s nowhere to hide Sakyo so she shoved him into her futon and get in with him with his goddamn face between her legs lol. STILL THE DAD DIDN’T FUCKING NOTICE???? welp. eventually Sakyo heard about Zantetsu going to enter the tourney that was going to take place and he took off without telling Kayo, leaving her having to lie to Yanohiko whenever the boy asked for him. she managed to find him later when he was trying to get his family’s treasured sword, Hotarumaru, to be fixed/sharpened by a famous fixer(?). he was refused, though, for obvious reason that Sakyo just wanted to kill with his sword.

Kayo shared this with Suzukake who had been supplying her with the medicine for Sakyo and my son said he, too, gonna join the tourney. so she and Suzukake went to the tourney together to see Sakyo. they heard about Zantetsu (lol Suzu called him ojisan) being a merciless opponent and got worried when later Sakyo was to fight him. Sakyo showed some... I think some kind of arrest warrant or written right for him to ask for a duel to the death, for killing his father, mother and elder sister?? or something?? but since Sakyo having his arm still injured and his sword not fixed, he lost the match terribly. Suzukake and Kayo wanna see him at the back room where he was taken but got refused bc Sakyo was ‘desecrating the holy tourney ground with his selfish need to exact his revenge’ or something. Sakyo was to be dumped into jail but Enishi came by and after some ‘talking’ (remember; he is actually some big shot in the Edo castle), he promised that he will make sure Sakyo will be taken care of and would not be in jail.

Kimi -nice end-

all thanks to strings pulled by Enishi, Sakyo is free from being jailed. he met Kayo to tell her everything about his tragic past. when he was a kid (8yo I think), he had a terrible fever and was bedridden. this coincidentally made him hidden from a murdering oni who came for the entire Sagihara family, who he explained was the descendant of those who forged the Five Heavenly Swords. I could not get why the Sagiharas were killed, but Sakyo survived thanks to his nurse maid and incidentally inherited his family’s heirloom, the Hotarumaru. from the age of 12, he strive to become a samurai and would eventually hunt every oni he could find, but because Sakyo was defeated by Zantetsu in the tourney, Sakyo didn’t feel like he is worthy of such pride of his family’s name. he left it in a cave and determined to carry on life no longer as a samurai. Kayo, after hearing all these, understands the whole dilemma the dude is in, but she told him it’s not reason enough to leave behind what was precious to the memory of his family. convinced by her words, Sakyo and Kayo made their way to the cave where he left Hotarumaru and retrieve it. when he unsheathe it then, glowing orbs of light filled the dark cave like a real firefly. Sakyo was so ashamed that he almost abandoned the sword there and from then vowed to always carry it with him as if he was carrying his family on his shoulders. Kayo later convinced the sword fixer/sharpener(?) person to fix Hotarumaru.

after getting his sword back, he told Kayo he couldn’t let Zantetsu’s sin towards his family to go free so he left her one night with a letter he told her to open if he never returned. while he went for his supposed one-on-one duel, Kayo just can’t sit still waiting for Sakyo to come back. she went to follow him but met Kei on the way of his patrol. buddy told her to stay home while he grab some of his pals to help Sakyo. those pals turned out to be the rest of them samurai who went to Sunpu the other day! thankfully for that, Sakyo was saved by an ambush planned by Zantetsu. Tsuzumi was there as well as he was threatened with Nanae’s life he didn’t cooperate. in the end, Zantetsu is finally dead and Sakyo could then rest easy the revenge he was living for has ended.

in the after story, Sakyo married Kayo with the five samurai buddies became her real bridal escort procession to Sakyo’s home country of Yamashiro.

Kimi -another nice end-

not that different than the previous ending, but Kayo was there with her naginata to help with Sakyo instead of staying home. fortunately, she arrived when Zantetsu got done dead. later there was news regarding Sakyo wanting to return back to his home country and probably will not coming back, and everyone knew about Kayo’s relationship with Sakyo. they all asked if she’s going with him, or why she’s unbothered about him going away, but baby girl really didn’t know how to react. sure, they’re lovers, but Sakyo never told her what he planned to do in the future, or whether or not that involved her at all.

Kayo held another feast for her samurai friends and also doubles as a farewell to Sakyo but the dude came late and has no idea why ppl giving him a farewell party. Kayo noticed him looking angry and restless seeing how close the other samurai dudes with her. Sakyo later couldn’t sit still anymore and pulled her to talk alone. there he told her he has no plan on going home aside from a short trip to visit his family’s grave, and that he planned to open up a free shrine school (kinda like a private but small informal school) for kids like Yanohiko who got orphaned and not privileged enough for a basic education. Sakyo and Kayo promised to marry each other soon.

Ken -too terrible what the heck end-

Kayo still tried to convince Sakyo from acting on his revenge against Zantetsu. Sakyo got annoyed and angry bc of this, that he assaulted Kayo to show how much of a terrible guy he is in actuality. he part ways with her and supposedly never to see her again, but he found himself led by a mysterious force to a cave where the whole shits of Asakura trying to reincarnate Tadanaga. there was nothing there but an ominous looking sword called the Muramasa. Sakyo took it after hearing a woman’s ghostly voice lamenting about her unborn child. he immediately thought the ghost to be his dead sister who had returned to the Sagihara family due to her getting pregnant and wanted to stay close to her parents during the whole pre-natal care.

however unknown to Sakyo, it was a malevolent evil spirit which was leading him to find Zantetsu to murder him. he got drunk with the pleasure to kill and didn’t stop at just one person. he managed to kill 10 ppl in one night at Yoshiwara alone, and he wasn’t stopping anytime soon. Kayo actually met with Sakyo before going on his murdering rampage and he told her he had thrown away his Hotarumaru in a lake bc the evil spirits in Muramasa told him to. there was no doubt that the madman who was killing people in the night was Sakyo, the man that she loved. she asked the help of her samurai friends to stop Sakyo but things got much worst when Yanohiko became his victim. the boy just wanted to show Sakyo his spinning top.

eventually they figured out about the evil sword and thought they’d better try to separate Sakyo from it or kill him entirely. they went to the lake where Kayo heard Sakyo said he dumped Hotarumaru, thinking if there’s any humanity left in him, he might want to reunited with his family’s heirloom. unfortunately, in his clouded mind, Sakyo heavily injured Kayo and she succumbed to the wound despite whatever Suzukake tried to do. Sakyo decided to kill himself in a cave with some kind of explosive.

they met in the afterlife and thought to cross the Sanzu river together to... Heaven? but the evil sword reminded Sakyo how much of a sin he had committed, and that he belongs to Hell. Kayo decided to fall to the endless abyss with Sakyo for eternity. this is a terrible ending I hate it.

Ken -just as terrible end-

Kayo managed to stop Sakyo from killing Yanohiko but the dude fled after realizing what he was trying to do. Kayo figured out that he needed to be reunited with Hotarumaru so she went to the lake where he dumped it. Sakyo was there, but he has already made up his mind that nothing he could do would ever atone his sins so he jumped into the lake. Kayo follow suit and they woke up in the afterlife. they tried to cross the Sanzu river but Sakyo stopped halfway saying there’s a lot of angry ppl on the other side, not gonna let him into Heaven. they were the innocent lives he had murdered before. Kayo, on the other hand, didn’t see the angry souls but instead heard some familiar voices calling for her. Sakyo guessed it must have been her loved ones in the living world. he told her to follow the voice and lived a happy life for his behalf. Kayo woke up again surrounded by her panicky dad and her friends. they told her she was floating by the lake, but Sakyo’s body was nowhere to be seen.

the epilogue has Kayo wanting to pay respect to Sakyo’s victim’s graves.

HOOOO BOY I SURE AS FUCK DIDN’T ENJOY THESE KEN ROUTES ONE BIT WHO THE FUCK WROTE THEM I WANT TO SUE FOR THE EMOTIONAL DAMAGES THEY DIDDDD!!! I’M BROKEN, YOU KNOW!!! THEY SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST HAVE ONE OF THEM WITH SAKYO IS ALIVE BUT HAD TO FACE HIS SINS I KNOW THAT’S NOT A BETTER END BUT AT LEAST BOI IS ALIVE AND KAYO DIDN’T HAVE TO BE SAD WHAT THE HECK THESE ARE TERRIBLE ENDINGS I HATE THEMMMMMMMMMMMM

*inhale, exhale*

well at least I like that in Sakyo’s four routes, the roles of the other samurai dudes are quite prominent. it’s nice to see the whole stupid scene with Tsuzu and Suzu arguing about the other stealing the food, Enishi teasing Saneaki that he can’t drink, also Kei the tsukkomi lol that was a nice scene.

FINALLY!!! now I get to my baby son, Suzukake!!!! I’ve actually half cleared his route before but didn’t see the ending yet. I SURE AS FLYING FUCKERY SHIT WILL NOT BE READY FOR THE ROUTE WHICH MY SON DIE!!!! probably I would skip it....

[assholemurphy]

it’s 7a. i have 5 assignments i have to do before mon, plus several others i should be doing to get ahead/back on track. i also need to clean up/take out all the trash in the house and (probs) do dishes (even tho they aren’t my responsibility). i also need to do a significant amount of organizing via planner/calendar/etc. i have all of my folders, planners, and other assorted school things spread out in a semi circle around me on the floor of the living room. i’m on my second monster. i woke up at like, 11:30p from my last nap (i slept from 9a-5:30p, then took a nap from 9p-11:30p, i think, idk, time is confusing and means nothing to me atm). i should be doing all of those assignments and things. i should have been doing them all day/night/time expanse. i have not and i am not. instead, i’m currently trying to convince myself to stop talking to myself and begin writing the next chap of tal. i’ve read enough of it to remind myself what’s happened and what should happen. now i just need to actually begin writing. i rly need to do my hw, but i’m just so goddamn distracted and out of sorts, so i’m hoping that by writing, i can trigger a little bit of productivity in myself and shit. writing is my self care, so i’m hoping that it’ll also help me out mentally and get me to a place where i can get some stuff done.

that is not to say i haven’t done anything. i’ve sent several emails, cleaned up my opened docs (bc there were so many it was bugging me), and finished one of my assignments (the shortest one), except for a tiny bit of info i need from the playwright, but i sent him an email (see: above). there’s a fuckton i need to do, but i’m rly, rly out of sorts rn.

my roommate has decided that since we fought (once) that we are ‘bad for each other’ and that she ‘wants to salvage what she can of our friendship’ and therefore, once our lease is up in 3 months, she wants to move out, or wants me to move out. idk which. but i’m so not happy. i could write novels abt how fucked up she is, and yet, i’m the problem bc i finally snapped at her and told her the goddamned truth. but fine, whatever. i just need to find a new roommate bc i can’t cover all the rent/bills, but see, i’ve got 3 friends. two are brothers and are NOT going to live with me. that would probs be bad. maybe not as bad as we all seem to think, bc i can stand them more than i can goldilocks atm, but still. they live on campus and like it. i cannot go back to living on campus. it’s too expensive for me and i don’t do well with all the rules. nope. i need my own place (with a roommate). so, that means i’ll have to advertise and shit and find some random human to live with me. gross af and not good for my anxiety. goldilocks probs has another potential roommate already. whatever. i’m not going to keep coddling her and walking on eggshells bc she’s too fragile to handle normal confrontation. she literally goes so far out of her way to avoid confrontation that she lets all of her frustration build up until she’s being passive aggressive abt everything and then she swears she isn’t being passive aggressive to me. but she is. i’ve got 3 months to convince her to chill the hell out and actually come to me with her problems before i have to find a new roommate. but... i’m not sure i want to. like i mentioned before, she’s a literal dark cloud sometimes and it drains me to be in the same apartment as her. she’s decided to stop being friends with pretty boy (she was never fond of rafiki, bc he calls her on her shit, i mean, he’s a bit mean abt it, but hes not wrong) so my friend group is falling apart. we (pb and i) knew this was going to happen and we put a timeline on it. two months ago he told her it’d be two months before she dropped him, and i gave her an extra 3 months before she dropped me. guess what’s happening? motherfucking prophecies. i’m getting tired of them, tbh.

so, i lay here, on the floor, papers and shit surrounding me, trying to find the will to get shit done, and all i can think is that, dammit, i wish i were drunk. or had rafiki/pb/both here. but it’s 7a and they’re probs asleep. i’ll see if they’ll come over tonight, but that means i need to accomplish some things before i go to sleep later (i’m aiming for like 1p, then wake up at like 9p). i also need food, but my ed is kicking my ass currently and i don’t want to. like, i cannot force myself to eat rn. i’ve done good for the past couple of months bc of my gallbladder issues (i don’t want to lose too much more weight and make it worse until i can get something done abt it) but it’s wearing on me and i can’t keep doing it. i was alright, mainly, until i started eating normally, then everything went downhill, like it always does. so, i think i’m gonna go back to counting cals and eating less, but i’m gonna do my damnedest to stay around 1200 so it’s not completely unhealthy (bc that’s the lowest you’re supposed to go, technically) but i’m worried it won’t be long before i’m eating <700 again. but, i was doing better mentally then. maybe it’s for the best? but ik i can’t function like this anymore. it’s wearing on me and i’m spiraling fast. i’m trying to pull myself out of it, but it’s like trying to escape an undercurrent in the middle of the ocean. it can be done, but it’s hard af and dangerous even after you’re safe. so, i’ve got to do something.

so, i’m gonna use the next few days to get caught up with work (at least caught up, hopefully ahead) and organized, then i’m going to work on balancing my mental health and figuring out a solution to my shit. but first, i’m gonna try to write as much of this next chap as i can. bc i rly want to get back in to writing and i think if i do, i’ll be happier and better able to face the world knowing i’ve got an escape again.

i’m also abt to make a to do list so i can keep track of what i need to do before i sleep today, if i can manage it

[chickenkooks]

oh my god i just read two rotten apples and holy fuck their relationship is so terrible i feel so bad for her goddamn idk why i feel so hurt but pls make jungkook suffer

anonymous asked:

yo… ik everyone will disagree wit me but the relationship in tra is just way too toxic like why do i feel like shit when even if im just the reader. im so fucking mad why is jungkook such an asshole n why is the oc so easy UDHDHJD

anonymous asked:

it fucks with my mind how horrible jk is to the oc in tra i didnt do anything productive today bc i felt like shit LMAO

drabble #3

COUNT → 3.519

GENRE → smut | crack

PAIRING → jungkook | reader

WARNINGS → dom and sub tones | penis in mouth | explicit language | penetration | graphic dirty talk | dick riding | the occasional sarcastic quip

LINKS → 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 4.5 | COMING SOON

note → i didn’t have this in mind with the current story line of two rotten apples, which you can read the first part here. so kinda consider this drabble just like. i dont even know. i have no idea. i think as the story goes on. ill link the drabbles for where i think they are in the story. the other two happen later on so they wont be linked yet until more parts are released!!!!!!! anyway i wrote this in a state of anger and perspiration!!!!!!!!!!! if u dont like my characters. or dont like the story. u could just. consider this: close out of my blog and never come back. no one was forcing u to read this. so i didnt appreciate these msgs. i understand u were venting but u didnt even say anything positive about the story so how could u expect me to respond positively??? anyways g’nite

The skin of Elise’s knuckles lightened as her fists clenched on the kitchen counter. She’d been dicing onions for a breakfast omelette but Kale’s noises from upstairs were distracting her as they drifted to her ears from the vent above her head. The kitchen was directly below their shared bedroom, so she could hear every single sound he made, even the bed creaking under his weight.

Washing her hands quickly, she grabbed a nearby towel to dry them off before heading towards the long, twisting marble staircase leading to the upstairs hallway, following the grunts and groans of her beloved husband.

As she peered into the bedroom, she gasped at the sight before her. Kale was lounging on the mattress, a rose placed between his succulent lips and a single cut from one of the thorns garnishing his lower lip. He probably should’ve cut all the thorns off before placing it in his mouth but he was never the smart one. His chest glistened under the light of the full moon, even though just a few seconds ago, Elise was making a breakfast omelette and typically those are made in the morning. She just didn’t have a good concept of time and made breakfast omelettes at night and steaks at eight o’clock in the morning.

“Hello, beautiful,” Kale said seductively, waggling his eyebrows.

“What was all this noise up here?” Elise asked, looking around the bedroom.

Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, except for the fact that her husband was half-naked on their bed with a bleeding lip.

“I was just thinking about you, so naturally those sounds fell from my plump pillows. I’m talking about my lips, by the way. Those sounds fell from my lips.”

She nodded, licking her eyebrow. “And what were you thinking about?”

“Your beautiful blonde hair, your gorgeous blue eyes, your—”

“I have black hair, Kale,” she corrected him, crossing her arms.

“And I have green skin.”

Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room changed. Instead of Elise being incredibly hesitant as to her vegetable’s—I mean, husband’s—intentions, she found her clothes flying off and out the window. She wondered for a fleeting moment why the window was open in the first place because they lived in a mansion that was two million stories tall and they agreed when they moved in never to open a window because that’s how the previous owner died. As she thought about him, she wondered if he was watching them right now because he liked to haunt the place, making doors randomly open—except it wasn’t randomly because he would have doors fly open only when they were about to open them, so really it was more of a convenience rather than an inconvenience.

Elise sauntered towards her green husband, naked from head to toes to make things easier for when he wanted to disrobe her—because she would be naked and he wouldn’t have to disrobe her at all. As she reached for him, she forgot he had sensitive skin because he was originally some kale in the vegetable drawer, so when she grabbed his arm, it snapped in half. Kale screamed in agony.

“I’m so sorry!” Elise apologized, sobbing uncontrollably.

Kale—

“All right,” Jungkook said, closing the book with a slam. “What the fuck is this?”

He turned the book over to read the reviews and the synopsis then, glancing over at you reading over his shoulder as multiple vegetables were referenced in the author’s summary of the plot. Jungkook cleared his throat and sighed.

“’Have you ever wondered what it’s like to fall in love with a vegetable? Elise has, and that’s what she wishes for one dark and gloomy night. She finds that all the vegetables in her vegetable drawer are suddenly hot men wanting to woo her! Suddenly, she’s a vegetarian but she’s also still a virgin. Who will she choose? The delectable head of lettuce? The brussel sprout with abs of steel? Or maybe she’ll go for the quiet type—the piece of kale with a soft heart—’”

Jungkook had to stop there, his lips twitching as he tried with all his might not to burst out in a fit of laughter at that offensive synopsis.

“Okay,” he said simply, snorting. “What the fuck—”

You laughed with him, scooting to the edge of the bed to snatch the book out of his hands. “I know, but are you really telling me you’d be able to see this and not buy it? It’s about fucking vegetables with penises. Vegetable porn.”

“I swear… the books you read sometimes…” he trailed off.

Your bedroom grew quiet then, the only sounds you heard coming from downstairs as both your parents went head to head in a game of monopoly.

“They’re going to be up all night playing, aren’t they?” you asked.

“Until someone ends up crying,” he said. “Probably my mom.”

You tapped your fingers against your bare thighs, glancing around your room aimlessly. Jungkook then fell against your mattress with a sigh and closed his eyes. After a few seconds of silence, he cracked open one eye and just watched you stare straight ahead, your posture stiff as a board.

He grabbed the back of your blouse then, tugging until you fell flat on your back beside him. You scoffed at that but smiled nonetheless, closing your eyes to the feel of his bicep tensing under your head. The two of you had been getting along lately for some reason and you didn’t know what changed exactly.

Although, maybe it was because you were official fuck buddies now.

His other hand reached for you, turning you on your side and slipping beneath your shirt to cup one of your breasts. To his surprise, you weren’t wearing a bra, so he flicked at one of your hardening nipples in appreciation. Jungkook stared into your eyes as he pulled and tweaked at your breasts, gripping them easily with one hand. You closed your eyes, exhaling shakily, one of your hands finding his underneath your shirt and holding it there for a moment.

Then, he suddenly sat up, pulling his arm from under your head and his hand from grasping your breasts. You sighed, falling onto your back again as you looked up at him as he leant over to grab the book he threw to the floor.

When his parents first came over, monopoly game in hand, Jungkook had immediately bounded for your room, only to see you curled into a ball on your bed reading. He’d made fun of you for at least five minutes once he saw the cover but then he volunteered to read it aloud from where you left off.

And there was one particular scene that caught his eye.

He flipped to that exact page, somehow remembering the page number, and then set it down beside you facedown as he stood up to shut your door.

Jungkook walked back over to your bed after he peered down the hallway, listening to the sounds of your parents boisterous laughter and the booming folk music playing from the stereo downstairs, and grabbed the book. Laying beside you once again, he began to read again in his dramatic reading voice.

Kale was in the kitchen when she jogged down the steps, intending to make a smoothie for brunch—or dinner because she didn’t have a concept of time. Sweat dripped from his brow, from his defined collarbones, even down his abdominal muscles, and this made Elise especially turned on down there.

“Why can’t she just fucking say she has a soaked pussy?” Jungkook randomly asked, placing the book down as he looked over at you smiling.

“A lot of erotica authors are married and haven’t had sex since their first child was born,” you explained. “They don’t really like to make the detail graphic.”

“That’s dumb,” he said, then brought the book back to his face to read again.

Without uttering a single syllable, Elise bounded over to him and found a perfect seat in his lap, immediately feeling him grow hard just by her sitting on him.

“You’re so sexy when you’re sweaty, Kale,” she whispered in his ear.

He chuckled darkly. “You’re so sexy when you’re on top of me like this.”

Jungkook slammed the book closed once again and tossed it somewhere behind him, hearing a crash but not really paying much attention. He looked over at you as he wiggled his eyebrows comically and you snorted.

“You look so sexy when you’re laying on a bed,” he whispered.

You turned on your side then and tucked both of your hands beneath your cheek pressed into the mattress. “You look so sexy reading erotica.”

“We should roleplay,” Jungkook suggested, grabbing onto your waist.

You didn’t answer, just arched one of your eyebrows in question.

“I’m Kale,” he began, smirking, “and you’re Elise.”

“And what scene would we be reenacting?”

His smirk widened. “The kitchen scene.”

Without hearing your response, he shot up and then moved to the floor, raising his hips as he undid his belt buckle and slid his jeans down his legs before kicking them off into one corner of your room. With you still lying on the bed, Jungkook hit one of your legs hanging off the edge of the king-sized bed gently.

“Come on,” he called up to you. “I’ll pull you off the bed if I have to.”

Rolling your eyes, you sat up and pulled at your shirt, then stood up to slide your shorts and white underwear past your hips, landing in a pile with Jungkook’s jeans. Slowly, you joined him on the floor, beside him.

“Now what?” you asked.

“Get me ready.”

You were eager—so eager that you completely forgot about grabbing a condom out of your bedside table’s drawer. That thought flew from your mind as soon as he pulled himself out of his boxers, your mouth watering at the sight of him. Reaching forward, you wrapped one of your hands around him and felt him pulsating from under your hand, his skin hot to the touch. You glanced up at him, just as you leant over him and enveloped him in your mouth, closing your eyes at the taste. He wasn’t rock solid when you touched him but you could feel him growing in size and rigidity the further you pulled him into your mouth.

“Ah,” he moaned out, head falling against the edge of your bed. “That’s it.”

Wincing, he hit the back of your throat and you swallowed, causing him to shudder. You patted his thigh and he took that as his signal to start fucking your mouth. As you relaxed your jaw, he started a slow pace as he raised his hips with each thrust into your mouth, moaning softly to himself at the feeling.

Jungkook grabbed the back of your head then and forced you even further down his cock until your nose brushed against the skin of his pelvis.

Moaning around him, he sped up his thrusts. He knew he was already hard enough for you, so he had to physically stop himself from cumming in your mouth as he tugged on your hair to pull you off of him. A string of saliva connected your mouth to his hard cock until you wiped at your mouth.

He relaxed his head against the bed then, panting as he tried to catch his breath, swallowing thickly. You sat against your heels as you waited patiently, feeling yourself drench the back of your calves just at the sight of his neck. Cracking open his eyes, he caught you staring and he smirked to himself.

Jungkook tackled you to the floor then, hovering over you for a moment before he smashed his lips against yours. His hard cock easily slipped between your lips, ghosting over your pussy and you moaned at both the taste of his lips and the feeling of him rubbing against you. You knew you were dripping at this point and were more than ready for him to fuck you, but then that fleeting thought of condom came back. And as his lips slanted over yours, licking at the seam of your lips before sliding inside your mouth, you said that when your lips parted.

“C-Condom,” you managed to say, pulling yourself backwards weakly on the carpet of your bedroom floor as he continued to kiss you roughly.

With each time you slid away from him and towards your bedside table, he crawled after you, pausing you in your journey to kiss you again each time.

Your head slammed into the table then after a few minutes struggle, Jungkook having moved down to your neck to kiss and suck your skin until it was marked in blotches of purple and red. Blindly, you felt behind you for the top drawer, reaching for the handle and pulled on it with all your strength. It slid open and you frantically searched around for the box of condoms, your fingertips touching various cards and hair ties, before finding what you were looking for.

The box fell to the floor, packets of condoms spilling out of it and you tilted your neck back as you tried to grab hold of one of them. Jungkook raised his head to see what you were doing and then helped you, his hand grazing over yours as he grasped one of the condoms and pulled himself off of you to put it on.

You pushed yourself up on your elbows to watch him, struggling to open it with fumbling fingers, then he easily slid the thin latex over his pulsating length.

Without wasting another second, he gripped himself and thrusted into you, grabbing onto your hip once he was filling you to the brim. With your heads nearby a vent, you could still hear your parents screaming at each other as your father apparently lost one of his best properties and stormed out of the room for a smoke presumably. Their laughter flittered up through the vent then but you weren’t really listening to them, just to the sound of Jungkook’s grunts.

Your head slammed into the bedside table as he started a fast pace inside of you, then noticed and quickly pulled you up until you were sitting in his lap.

“Ride me,” he commanded, head resting against the side of the mattress.

You nodded, situating your legs on both sides of him before you hovered your drenched pussy over him. Slowly, you sank down on him and moaned loudly as the head of his cock pushed deep inside of you. His hands came to rest on your hips then, urging you to hurry up. Not listening to him, Jungkook grew impatient and decided to shove you down on him and you gasped out at the feeling of him inside you again—scalding hot. You rocked your hips back and forth, placing your hands on his shoulder then as you raised them back up.

When you slammed back down on him again, your breasts bounced and you couldn’t keep your eyes open. Jungkook was in the same state as he couldn’t even move his head off the edge of the mattress, nonchalantly thrusting up into you each time you came back down on him. You weren’t even roleplaying at this point, just following your lustful urges as you both chased your orgasms.

“I fucking love it when you ride me,” he groaned out huskily, eyes still closed.

Without even opening his eyes, his hands reached around you to grasp at your ass, kneading it for a moment before manipulating how hard you came down on him each time. You cried out, nails digging into the skin of his shoulders and he groaned at the pain. At one particularly loud moan of yours, one of his hands went to cover your mouth. You opened your eyes to look at him and seemed to understand the fact that you were feet away from the vent and if your parents found you two fucking in your bedroom, you would probably get in trouble.

They wanted the two of you together but probably not in that way.

“Go faster,” he told you, lifting your hips so you could slam down on him harder.

You did as he said and soon your breasts began to ache just from how hard they were bouncing with each time you sank down on him.

“Fuck yes,” he moaned, jaw dropping. “Faster, baby. Faster.”

Soon, Jungkook was doing almost all of the work, his hands surely leaving an indent on your skin with how hard he was gripping your hips. Then suddenly, he gripped them so hard that you simply hovered over his cock, only the head still inside of you. Opening his eyes, he stared at you just as he began to fuck into you from below, gritting his teeth as he pounded into you powerfully. You let go of your grip on his shoulders to place your palms flat on the carpet, arching your back and tilting your head backwards as you focused on the sensation.

“Jungkook!” you cried out, your parents on the floor beneath you forgotten.

You clenched around him, your orgasm looming closer, and he grunted. Soon, he wasn’t able to thrust up into you as fast as before and simply flung you to the floor so you were laying on your back. Jungkook situated himself on top of you again and then thrusted inside once more, the new position causing him to reach that much further inside of you. He grabbed one of your legs, spreading your legs as wide as he could as he continued to hammer you into your floor.

He wondered for a moment if they could hear the thuds from above and the occasional squeaking of the floorboards beneath you, but didn’t really care.

His thumb found your clit just as he lowered himself so he could kiss you, tongue sweeping past your lips until you parted them. You moaned into his mouth as soon as he deepened the kiss, legs wrapping around his waist.

His chest jostled forward as his thrusts grew more precise and more rough, and then your head lolled against the carpeted flooring, not even able to do anything but let him have his way with you. You were so fucking close. His thrusts then grew sloppy and his thumb continued to circle your clit.

“Are you almost there?” he breathed out.

Instead of answering him, you just nodded frantically.

“I want to hear you,” he said, fucking into you harder. “Are—you—almost—there—?”

“Yes!” you cried out almost immediately. “I’m so close, Jungkook. Fuck me faster—harder.”

He straightened his back then, disconnecting your lips, and angled your leg so it was perched on his shoulder. He grunted as he concentrated on making you cum all around him, determined to get you there first or you’d scream his ear off. With the combination of the tip of his cock brushing against your g-spot and his thumb pressing down on your clit, you came and clenched around him.

A few more thrusts later, he came as well, spurting his cum into the condom.

He rolled off of you and the two of you breathed heavily, your parents eerily quiet from the vent. And then you heard the tell-tale signs of someone coming up the stairs.

“Go into the bathroom and turn the shower on,” you hissed at him. “I’ll hide under the bed since your fat ass wouldn’t fit.”

Jungkook glared at you but listened to you nonetheless, quickly sitting up and dashing into your bathroom, locking the door behind him as the shower turned on. Your phone buzzed just as you heard your parents’ footsteps down the hall and you grabbed it from your bed before slipping past the bed skirt to hide.

Turning down the brightness, you looked to see who texted you.

JUNGKOOK [18:08:25]: Rate today’s performance out of 10

You shook your head but leant forward on your elbows to respond.

YOU [18:08:55]: i think a solid eight is in order

JUNGKOOK [18:09:29]: That’s an improvement from yesterday’s 6

JUNGKOOK [18:10:02]: Care to share your grading criteria?

Smirking, you lifted up the bed skirt to glance at the bathroom door, seeing his bare feet from underneath it and the light on, then you replied:

YOU [18:10:44]: i actually came this time

As your phone buzzed a few seconds later, you heard your parents knock on the door. Jungkook always had to fuck you in places that could get you caught.

But you realized you would rather have him than some happily ever after, no matter how unhealthy the relationship was for you. It was your body, after all. It was just harmless fucking and it was comforting knowing he would never have feelings for you of any kind. Your bodies just clicked together and that’s all you wanted. And besides, Jungkook wasn’t the only toxic one in this relationship.

You were just as bad for him as he was for you.

And you supposed that made you easy.

[koohiss]

30 years since the last critically acclaimed movie, but only like, 50 or 10 since the last one, depending on how time works, skywalkers are fucking shit up in the galaxy once more...

Luke’s gone, Leia’s still a badass, the heavy metal empire has been replaced with the emo-lite first order, just as much nazi garbage and none of the impressive capes. Instead they have a giant toddler who stomps around and eats shit on a regular basis and jerks off to his grandpa’s dead face, probably. Fucking weeb. This pilot, Poe, who I honestly don’t feel much of a connection to, sorry, is trying to get this old man to give him a map to Luke so he can come kick ass. But the douchelord Kellog’s Frosted Fuckup shows up and shoots everyone, bc uncle issues or something. poe gets captured, but shoves the map into his magic 8 ball, which escapes and finds a random superhuman jedi lady of amazingly ironic ancestry in the middle of, you guessed it, a desert. She’s Rey, and to quote some ghost guy who once got gutted inside a palace’s weird power dungeon murder hole, she’s probably maybe might be the chosen one for real this time, I swear to the force it’s for real this time yoda. Then, this amazeballs stormtrooper, Finn, has morals and courage and heart and all the things they wanted in wizard of oz, and is like, fuck this nazi shit, I’m out, and helps poe escape. Sadly, they crash, and poe apparently dies but really leaves finn to die in a plothole of a scene that someone in the writers room should be really embarassed over. Finn meets rey, and it’s love at first “oh shit”. It’s all meet cute/meet thief for a second, and then shit starts blowing up sideways, there was hand holding and running and “follow me”s and then the girl in white and the guy with the leather jacket get on the falcon and leave the desert planet. Classic. Speaking of classic, being the collector’s machinery that she is, the falcon breaks down and they get caught in a tractor beam of a larger ship, which conveniently Han and Chewie are on. Two gangs show up, the giant squid-tribbles escape, scooby doo mayhem ensues. They get away in the falcon and nope the fuck out. Spooky the gollum wannabe teases Kyle about Han and he acts like a pissbaby, says it’s nothing. Oh, and I guess he surprises everyone because somehow this giant moronic imbecile incompetent failure came from the pure glorious happy love of han and leia. Fuck you jar jar abrams. Fuck you in the eye. With a lensflare. This bullshit. The gang checks the map and realize it’s borked, Han gives the lowdown on “it’s real” and also that some sick asswipe death-murdered the jedi like some moron trilby with anger management issues because his mom cancelled his xbox live account because he wasn’t getting good enough grades at jedi academy due to playing the sith campaign of some shitty remade SW game with a pretty decent plot that every teen boy over analyzes and gets the wrong take away from. Anyways, they go to Takodana and Maz’s epic castle that was never fully explained. For some reason they need her to find the resistance for them, which I’m like, just have Han wave at a holocam for like, 2 seconds and you will find literally almost everyone except luke because he’s pouting over history repeating itself. So naturally while they are all chilling at the castle, the party splits bc Finn is scared and Rey is gonna go home and Han is just like, eyes roll emoji. Who knows where chewie went, they act like he isn’t a character or something. But twist, the big ol space nazis find them. Rey finds a lightsaber (prolly just a family heirloom or smth, nbd) and bolts after having visions of all these epics ass movies and shit. My beloved young padawan super duper force sensitive jedi in training Finn is given the lightsaber, bc even Maz can tell that those two are always gonna watch out for each other and are obvs soulmates and he’s the best bet to get it to Rey, the inheriting granddaughter. (also, didn’t a bunch of little kids get murdered with that at least once, possibly twice???) As they leave, death star 3 and with a much lamer name but really cool lore blows the everloving shit out of coruscant 2.0, killing a few more characters that I was probably more interested in than Kyle’s boring weepy “my parents dont’ accept me for being an edgelord” lame ass backstory. Then the TIE fighters try to wreck my fave dudes with some weak sauce army, but then that same ace pilot who apparently left finn to fucking die, nbd, true love amirite? brings the party to them in an epic callback with improved graphics. Meanwhile, that boring infant Ronald mcdumbass over here shows up and after a let down of a fight (c’mon rey, shoot him!) kidnaps his cousin. Gets all creepy and makes teenagers with poor romance comprehension (not their fault, imo) think it’s love and come up with all this bullshit as to why they aren’t cousins. Sigh. But Rey, light of my life, is stronger than this woobie weeb, and she makes him have to run back to the safety of his darth vader body pillow, while she up and obi wans her way out of this bitch. The theme-swapped leto-joker looking vastly subpar offbrand trashcan may have padme’s hair, but rey has her climb up random shit abilities, which go a lot farther honestly. (they both have her hit and miss fashion taste so at least there’s that in common you goddamned r/los that’s all i will give you) Mr. Hotshot takes everyone back to Resistance HQ and conveniently brings the drama too, since he followed teeny!leias footsteps and lead a superweapon to the not-so-secret-anymore base. Everyone scrambles, finn kinda sorta maybe lies through his teeth a little so he can rescue rey, leia guilts han because apparently no (coughdudecough) director can write a conflicted and damaged woman who also happens to be strong without making her completely subsume to whichever half of the dichotomy is needed for the current scene… They go to death star 3 and prepare to fuck shit up. Specifically by doing things that have never been done before with no guarantee they will survive and sassing each other mercilessly. My babies. They find rey off being her badass self, and then right at the point where everything has to go to shit to make the third act interesting, some motherfucking emo up and kills my geriatric fave. Fuck you, marilyn manson. Fuck you. Chewie takes the logical next step and blows his fucking guts out with a laser crossbow bolt, AND blows the fucking guts out of his fanboy cosplay of the death star, because fuck you that’s why. So that’s how the dramatic “ur up past curfew” conversation goes, because I can never have nice things, no the precious goth boy has to live, apparently my needs aren’t important to multi-trillion dollar entertainment corporations, whatever. The absolute wrench fucker chases my beautiful darlings around the currently imploding fucking doom orb of stupid, and they waste his ass with amazing shows of jedi prowess. Finn fights him first and the bastard cheats with his fucking laser butterfly knife like an ass, and precious finn who has never trained a day in his life for this bullshit can only hold on so long before the cheating bastard takes him down. Then rey, pillar of light and all that is good, curbstomps his ass with the prowling predator walk of her father and grandfather before her. Suck it, ron. She’s the chosen one, bitch. Anyways, so I guess the bombs let fly boy (only) get inside and pew pew up the place enough that it rejoined it’s godforsaken stop-building-death-moons-they-don-t-work ancestors. Old ghastly jazzhands on the demon projector asks the weasley kid to go pick up kyle’s raggedy strung out ass, like I fucking care at this point. Everybody goes home (AKA chewie saves all of your asses because even if you ignore him he’s still a cool dude like that) and they totally gloss over the deaths of characters I care about to give us this arbitrary fucking scene of the golden cock block and ir3cutesty5u the soccerball annoying r2, who magically wakes up and magically doesn’t nuke their inferior asses and instead gives them the stupid fucking map, why do you even need a fucking map, all you need is coordinates, jesus christ it’s space, you can just plug the fucking three axis code into the computer and float ur ass over why is there a goddamn treasure map to safeway just use the damn gps good god. It’s space. With infinite wifi. Rey and chewie go to this bird shit covered island and find luke sulking, probably about getting bird shit on his suede jedi boots or losing his best friend and failing his nephew and sister and and the entire galaxy or something like that and then the movie ends

[flarebossmalva]

just for future reference and in case anyone was curious i’m going to explain what the hell i was on about re: some stuff in my writing tag

skipping things that are obvious or self-explanatory but if you’re puzzled by something i wrote and i didn’t explain it here then feel free to ask i guess

disgust - i thought of vomit immediately and then wrote about the last experience i had with a friend who was sick. i don’t actually remember which friend this was anymore. “you’re never going to die ever again” i’m not sure about but i think this may have been referring to how awful stomach sicknesses are and how they can literally be so bad they make you feel like you’re dying? that’s a guess

aether - thought of “ether” instead which is very volatile so that’s how i got onto the theme about exploding. i think the rest was just vague associations

pincushion - human pincushion. i guess someone who has bled out completely

aura - you know how they talk about people having colored auras? i just picked a color and went from there. don’t know what “i can taste it under my fingernails” means even remotely but if this is from when i worked in produce/floral i constantly had plant matter under my fingernails so maybe that. am reading “you look lovely, by the way. very fresh.” in GLaDOS’ voice for some reason and not sure if that was what i had in mind when i wrote it

mint leaves - catnip is in the mint family and some people says humans can get a mild high off smoking it

indie - this was about seeing mother mother live. the “he” is ryan

wind - probably masturbation but trying to explain the trip from point a to point b that i made here would get really complicated if i’m even recalling it correctly

lamp oil - amnesia: the dark descent. lamp oil is a resource in that game. player character hallucinates bugs and grinds his teeth when he spends too long in the dark

bombs - boss fight wheatley. the track that plays during that battle is called “bombs for throwing at you”

cucumber - i was thinking of items you could buy together at a supermarket that would disturb the cashier. a single cucumber, rope, and a paperback romance novel sends some interesting implications i think

columbia - no idea but one of my friends told me this is essentially the plot of bioshock infinite

kevin james - one of those paul blart mall cop memes involved the phrase “distant egg song!” and that’s what i was going off of

marigold - flowey

25-27 - since this looked like it was referring to three sequential questions on an askmeme i acted as though that’s what i was answering here. i don’t know why i chose the colors blue and orange; portals from the portal games are those colors but what with the other two responses in this post being undertale related i’m thinking maybe blue = sans and orange = papyrus

🙌 - reference to a (nsfw, i won’t link it) fanfic about sans smoking. i have a massive smoking kink so i think you can see why i’d find that emoji appropriate

syringe - this is a reference to a short story i wrote in high school. the association is that i think syringes were used to administer drugs to the protagonist

wine - almost positive there’s an audio log in the first bioshock game that’s a bit like this. even if there isn’t, there’s an area where a party has clearly gone down (lots of alcohol, splicers are dressed fancy) and that’s what it made me think of

glow - no idea

can of soda - i was thinking of a sprite can

amsterdam by imagine dragons - a song i don’t know; i used to be friends with this kid who was weirdly snobby about music and would condescend to me if i admitted to not knowing of a song or artist, so i wrote about that, kind of

apartments - “apartments are like cages” is a phrase that either i or someone else has used and i thought of that phrase and then i thought about cages and then i thought about johanna from sweeney todd and her one musical number

gold - this is about my paternal grandfather moving west as an adult. he didn’t move as part of the gold rush but that’s what i thought of first and then i thought about his moving to california so this was kind of a mix of the two concepts

sting - musical artist sting has got an album called brand new day and this was written thinking about the album art

lunar theatre - i’ve explained this one before but i wrote this while really sick around the time i first got diagnosed with lyme disease. i was sleeping most of the time and tired whenever i was awake. at the time i was also taking ativan (among other medications) and it made me very sleepy and out of it. the title comes from an art installation i saw once which basically looked like an artificial shoreline, which is where the ocean/water imagery comes from

tessellation - obvious maybe but repetition is part of the definition of the word

roses - james from team rocket, often carrying a rose

paris - this was a joke about egg hatching in pokemon x/y (the most efficient way to do it is to bike in circles repeatedly around the game’s version of the eiffel tower)

n - i feel like this is obvious too but it’s a joke about n harmonia from the 5th gen pokemon games

nature - i’m not sure how i got to talking about gelatin molds but have you seen some of the ones from the fifties and sixties? truly horrifying

berry - early on in x/y you’re put in charge of a berry field and then later you become champion (the league is at the top of a mountain). there are curtains in the champion’s room. idk i just thought about becoming champ and then abandoning the berry field since that’s basically what i did in-game

dogs - pretty literal, this is just my experience with pet dogs

q - this is a reference to a song from goddamn sesame street

teacup - malva has a butler, who presumably serves her tea sometimes. he battles you on her behalf once and his team is pretty powerful, but of course she’s elite four and would have him beat

guitar - at the time there were a lot of “wonderwall” memes that’s what i thought of

pine - pine trees, christmas trees, their lives are cut short but they get to dress up fancy for a few weeks, i don’t know

touch-me-not - fanfic i plotted out once but never actually finished writing. in it, bryony and celosia are using one of those remote-control vibrators (celosia was the one wearing it, and bryony had the remote, iirc) but if you remember team flare also used a remote to control the ultimate weapon and i loved the idea of getting the two remotes mixed up. all the higher-ups (save bryony and celosia, of course) are playing with the remote thinking it’s broken and trying to get it to work. meanwhile poor celosia is dying and the only one who notices is malva, who is the “she” in this piece, who deliberately starts messing with the remote to get a reaction out of bry + cel. i don’t remember how this fanfic was going to end but i think probably celosia would excuse herself to go to the bathroom (to, ahem, take care of herself) and malva would follow her in and then idk they’d fuck. listen i’ve had worse ideas

nightshade - i’m not sure how i got from the prompt to my fill but the fill is definitely about another fic i was working on involving a trainer who experiments on eevee trying to discover new eeveelutions

knives - my abuser had a “suicide attempt” (not really, he didn’t do anything except think about it, but that’s how he classed it iirc) where he planned on using a knife. also he wrote (bad) poetry once comparing me to a knife because idk i was mean for not wanting to fuck him probably

cake - it’s 2007 bro. memes bro. this was about portal bro

gameboy - self-explanatory i think but this was specifically a goof on ben drowned even though a lot of video game creepypasta start out this way

ruby - as in the pokemon game. this was about being a team magma grunt

cicada - i think this one is straightforward but in case it’s not, in my area you find dead cicadas all over the place in june

notebook - this was about harriet the spy

tree - based off of something that happened with me and my best friend when i was eleven or twelve

big ben - well, english clock towers... there’s a scene in a christmas carol where scrooge wakes up and hears the clock strike an hour it’s already struck and gets freaked and worries about the spirits coming to haunt him

cookie - i got a baby doll for christmas when i was a little kid and gave it to my younger sister bc she liked baby dolls and i didn’t. she named that doll cookie. this was general feels about being the Bad Child who Wasn’t Feminine

paint - straightforward again but this is about my parents’ house, the one we moved into when i was a young teen and where they still live with my little sister (and, currently, me). it was initially painted white and we repainted yellow a few years ago (i think after i had moved out to go to college). also that house still doesn’t feel like home to me in the same way our old house did

boots - god this is gonna take a lot of explaining but in the underland chronicles, second book, gregor (protagonist) is separated from his baby sister (nicknamed boots) after, iirc, the boat they’re in capsizes and they get washed into the nearby catacombs by the waves. he assumes she’s drowned since she’s a toddler and can’t swim. it’s basically his blue screen of death moment and he spends the next part of the book feeling totally dead inside, like a machine, no emotion no empathy. this scene fucked me up bad when i first read it aged about nine

freckles - i think this is obvious but just in case, this is about me (formerly) hating my freckles

egg - aforementioned fic about eevee experimentation was maybe going to involve unethical forced hatching of eevee eggs by cracking them open before they’re ready. i was basically thinking of every sick thing you could do to a pokemon to try and force an evolution

fairy - same fic. the protagonist has a shiny eevee that she gives special treatment and thinks is going to evolve into something special bc no evolution method she’s tried has worked on it. it was to be revealed later that her “special” eevee had actually just swallowed an everstone, and, immediately upon operating to remove said everstone, eevee evolved into sylveon

orange - as a small child i was allergic to oranges. the only memory i have of having an allergic reaction was breaking out in hives and going down our creaky old staircase, which felt big and intimidating to me as a little kid, to tell my parents about it

yuri - i thought of a favorite f/f pairing of mine, bryony/celosia, and in particular the scene that got me to ship it. in that scene, you battle celosia (who acts very woe-is-me upon being defeated) and bryony immediately springs to her (girl)friend’s defense

mitochondria - i learned the word from the sequel to a wrinkle in time, in which charles wallace gets really sick with some sort of mitochondrial disease and his older sister meg tries to save him by like astral projecting inside his mitochondria or something. god that book was weird

a gigantic rubber duck - when she was a baby someone gave my sister a gigantic rubber duck (which she adored, i think we still have it somewhere) and so this was about how i felt about having a new sibling

electricity - eevee fic again. rival character in the fic was an electric-type trainer. this was about the convention of trainers locking eyes and then battling

feverish - fevers as sex metaphor somehow??? i guess because fevers, like sex, often leave you sweaty. eleven was when i had my first wet dream and eighteen was when i listened to that “naegi with a fever” audio and got real gay

anger - metaphor again. i really did make a glass paperweight one time, on a class trip to a glass museum. my abuser and i were off-again with our friendship at the beginning of that trip and on-again by the end of it but there was still, i think, unresolved anger on both sides. that’s the association. i don’t know how to explain what i was thinking here beyond that

mosquitos - “petty annoyances” is just what i think of mosquitos and then i guess i just went from there. “bigger than i am but you know when to kneel” might have been my abuser again. he was, indeed, bigger than me but he got down on his knees begging me to be his friend again right at the end of things between us lol. honestly it was the most compelling thing he ever did

laundry basket - i thought about dirty laundry and then about worrying my clothes smelled dirty or that i smelled dirty and like, obsessively bathing because someone wanted to come over and have sex with me and i was just barely not a virgin at that point and had no idea what i was doing and was freaked out over the whole thing

cow - i took a year of spanish and for some reason the only thing i actually learned was how to say “where is the cow” and “the cow is here” which are not actually useful phrases in most contexts

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #175

“imagine living like a king someday, a single night without a ghost in the walls.”

Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen your ex’s new partner? If so, what do you think of them? I don't know or care if he currently has one. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months? Done it twice now, it's not difficult if you're picky and serious with who you date. Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? Well my mom was somewhat aware of things that were happening. What was the last piece of candy you ate? Good question. I got my tongue re-pierced because of a bar length issue with swelling, and now this one is just shy of long enough to disable me from biting down entirely (they're snake eyes, so across the tip). I'm only just getting back into eating soft things very slowly unless I want pain, so candy's a no. I have to wait no less than three weeks to get a correctly-sized bar, and it's only been just over one aaaahhh. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? No. Is your room painted or wallpapered? Painted. What is the best kind of pizza in your opinion? I'm an American I stan them meat lovers. Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? No. Well actually idk, I still don't know for *sure* if I forgive him. Like I'm completely over it and it no longer affects me, but I could never ever ever ever look at him even remotely the same or even consider trusting him. I don't think that's supposed to happen when you forgive someone. Have you ever broken a plate/bowl? Accidentally by dropping. What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? I don't think so. Do you know anyone who has a homosexual parent? No. What type of music could this world live without? Pure screamo (no, not as a carpet term for metal). Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Who’s the last person you cried over? Does myself count? Did the house you grew up in have a fence? Yeah, but not all around. What’s your YouTube channel name? 0zzkat. Who of your FB friends has the cutest toddler(s)? Uhhhh idk. Anastasia's baby girl is pretty cute, I guess. Did you decorate pumpkins this year? No. :/ They were totally gone the day we were gonna get one (the day before Halloween so no, we weren't that surprised lmao). What’s the craziest color you’d dye your hair? More like what color WOULDN'T I dye it? What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Uhhh. Idk. Name a video game you can play over and over again? Shadow of the Colossus. I've beaten it around 30 times. Would be more if I didn't lose the disc, buuut it's actually coming in the mail now! What is something that will make you laugh instantly? Don't show me that fucking Linkin Park "crawling in my crawl" worm video. Name a movie you wouldn’t watch solely based on its name? None come to mind. What’s your dearest souvenir? *shrugs* What was the last strong scent you smelled? Probably coffee bc of Mom. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? If so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming? Long instance + same-sex simultaneously. Distance is fucking hard when you really want each other's company, especially for emotional support. Being same-sex makes me nervous due to potential violent homophobics, especiiiiaaaally living where I do. I do it regardless, but even just holding hands leaves me worrying some asshole is going to cause a problem. I know my sister's husband isn't at all fond of it either and I'm 99% sure he's why Sara's never met the kids. But anyway, all those things are absolutely worth it. Would you ever consider something like a poly relationship, assuming everyone involved was alright with it? What are some things you think you would or wouldn’t like about it? Absolutely not, because I strictly believe in the exclusiveness of love. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other? Colleen, probably. We are just about the antitheses of each other, yet we were "best friends." We disagreed too frequently, she was drama-ravenous, we kept leaving and coming back, etc. No, we don't talk now, and I refuse to ever do so again as friends. Have you ever been abusive in any way? Were you able to change or make amends, or, in general, what do you think people should do to make amends in that situation? No. I absolutely do not believe in "making amends" with your abuser. Keep them the fuck out of your life. Have you ever forgiven someone for being abusive or allowed someone toxic back into your life? Did this person change for the better or not? Toxic... you mean Colleen? Did it too many times, and no, she didn't. Do you feel like your age matches your emotional development? If not, what age level or maturity level do you feel best represents where you’re at? Part of me says no, another says yes. I guess it depends on the subject. What is one thing about your personality that embarrasses you, but you can’t seem to change it no matter how hard you try? Have other people called you out on this embarrassing thing? Being socially awkward as all hell, and yes. When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why? I was playing Spyro just earlier today lmao. In almost all cases, no. I do believe that something like a full-grown adult playing pretend with dolls or something may be questionable, but even then there's not a real reason I can give you. What was the last thing to “trigger” you (as in, in a true mental health sense, I’m being serious here) and how did you cope with it? What kinds of things do you tend to find triggering? What do you do either avoid or face your triggers? Something PTSD-related, but I can't remember exactly what it was, I guess because I got past it pretty quickly. There are certain songs I should avoid, I canNOT look at the medicine I ODed on, I don't like seeing or being near large knives at all... If you’re diagnosed with anything, do you feel that it accurately represents what you’re experiencing? All of them, yeah. What is a complaint you have about the mental health industry or about the type of treatment you’ve received from a mental health service? Have you ever had any particularly bad therapy experiences? I feel that too many people working in the field care far more about the pay than the people. I can't guarantee a professional truly cared about what I was dealing with until Holly Hill. I've had one particularly horrible psychiatrist that threw diagnoses and pills around like they were nothing (the most ridiculous being ADHD, which I in no way exhibited), and a long-time therapist I had was pretty bad, something I realized only after I started with my current one. She was strict about that "you've got an hour, you're staying an hour, you're leaving no later" shit, and we always ran out of things to talk about so I'd just be sitting there super uncomfortably and numerous times start crying because I felt so awkward, and she'd just take it as a sign that I wasn't telling her something. She drove "and how does that make you feel" and "what're you thinking of" into the goddamn ground. Yeesh, having been a mental health patient for so long, I could really write a novel here. When was the last time you realized you might be the source of a problem and NOT someone else? Hm, idk. I'm so uninvolved with others that that's a hard question to answer. What are some minor physical discomforts that really bug you (eyelash in your eye, a wedgie, rumpled socks, etc)? HAVING THE BOTTOMS OF YOUR PANTS GET WET. I hate chapped lips, too. Do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes? Horizontal. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No. Are you ticklish? YEAH. Have you ever tried to make your own alcohol? No. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? I wouldn’t. Have you ever been in a submarine? No. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Only hot tubs. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. What was your first alcoholic drink? A Mike's hard lemonade. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Idk, I was a baby. What was your first detention for? Too many tardies. Did you ever have a treehouse as a kid? No. Have you ever been on radio? No. How long has your longest ever phone call been? A few hours. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? Ummm I guess some kind of chicken is common? When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? Idk. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? Uhhhh how am I blanking, I change my mind on things every five minutes. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? Sara's both my girlfriend but also the only "friend" I ever hang with now even tho we live several states apart lmao. I was there two weeks, so we did an array of stuff. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else’s dreams? Hell, I barely ever remember my dreams. Jason still shows up maybe ehhhh around or maybe less than once a month, and I have no clue why other than maybe there's some PTSD effects I don't actually detect or something? It's not like I think about him much, so I really don't see why he shows up, but the theme is constant: awkwardness seeing each other again, and he sometimes tries to get back with me (thank FUCKING GOD even in my dreams, I don't). Sara's in some dreams that I remember. Mom, maybe. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? Nothing. What is something you do to feel better when you’re scared? I'll usually turn to YouTube for a distraction. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? Mom. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? Probably Bite Me by idr-who. I actually don't remember. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? Another sensor came off the keyboard. :') I dunno about fixed. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? Butterflies and semicolons. Hence my semicolon butterfly tattoo. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? Yeah. What do you get complimented on the most? My hair. What is something unusual that you find attractive? why does?????? everyone hate fedoras tbh?????????? What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? BOY this varies so much like fuck. Sometimes I don't eat breakfast at all, sometimes I do right when I get outta bed. Dinner can be at like almost 10:00 with Mom's schedule, or I may have it like five hours earlier. What was the subject of the last video you watched? I'm getting into a horror LPer and I'm binging her Silent Hill playthroughs. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? I like pink but bloody guts and brains are cool 2. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? N/A What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Play video/computer games. Have you ever been close to drowning? No. Do you watch any Japanese anime? Not currently, but I've kinda had the urge to pick an interesting one up? Do you have someone who is protective of you (father, brother, etc.)? Mom and Sara above anyone else. Where was the last place you went, that you hadn’t been to before? Uhhhhh good question. I don't exactly go to new places often. Do you have any bad habits you aren’t working on changing? If so, do you ever think you’ll try to break them? I don't believe so off the top of my head? Then again I think everyone has little bad habits they don't try to improve upon, but I can't think of anything serious. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? I'm sure something with Mom, but idk what. Are you good at committing to things like Nanowrimo or Inktober? Nope. What is your preferred method of expressing yourself? Writing. Or drawing if I'm in the mood. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? I tried to reach the suicide hotline via their online one-on-one chatroom because I was too afraid to actually call, but I ended up waiting I think 45 minutes before the OD happened. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? I drove at night and ordered food at a drive-thru myself. It went well. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I have a strong sense of right and wrong. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? Depression as a whole. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Social life, success, and motivation to name a few. Is there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? Sure. Mental health stuff flares up sometimes if I think about some things too deeply. What was the last thing you argued or debated about? Did you eventually agree, or did you have to agree to disagree? Getting rid of Bentley, and neither, really. Mom knows we shouldn't have him for a world of reasons, yet she refuses to try to find a far more suitable home for him or at least talk to Nicole about it (he's her dog, but she doesn't live here), who's never even paid him almost any attention. I could rant about this for hours. What is something you wish was different about your family? THAT WE WERE CLOSER. What is your main struggle or focus in life right now? Getting out of the house/becoming more of a functioning adult. Are you more dramatic or stoic? I'm neither extreme, really, but I'd say I'm much further from stoic. Are you on medication for anything? If so, do you feel like it helps? Have you ever been afraid to take medication or had a particularly bad experience with it? A lot, but the only ones I feel don't work are the ones for my tremors and knees. I was on one med for a while that I was scared to take because it made me vomit (safe to say I wasn't on it long), and even my life-saver med made me sick at first, but I took prescription nausea pills to ride that out as my body adjusted. Do you prefer having long or short nails? Short, but not too short. When was the last time you had an argument with one of your parents? Idr. Do you tend to eat the same few things all the time or do you vary your intake? Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? Are there any commonly enjoyed foods that you don’t like? I'm picky and definitely have a limited palate. Some foods I can think of for the last question include fried chicken, BBQ, watermelon, tacos, all cheeses but American, aaaand I'm blanking again in an area I should have a book about. Do you have good body image? Do you feel more confident about your body or your personality? What is one thing about yourself about which you do feel particularly confident? Ha, as if, so personality. I like how open-minded I am. How likely are you to compliment other people? How do you react or respond when you receive a compliment? What are your favorite types to receive? It depends on the person, the atmosphere, and my anxiety level. I sometimes fear complimenting people because I don't want someone to be like "um why is she talking to me?"/"is she flirting with me?"/"why did she notice that?", etc. I become so giddy (at the very least internally) when people compliment me because of how my self-esteem is, and I really appreciate them. The compliments that mean most to me are regarding my photography. With how badly I want to be a successful photographer, people seeming to genuinely like what I do has actually made me smile like an idiot and giggle publicly. It just means a lot to me. Describe the last thing you reblogged? How many posts do you tend to reblog during a day? A clip of Mark having a fit over a dog in RDR2. How much I reblog varies greatly; depends on how much I get on Tumblr that day, what I feel like sharing at that moment, what I queue... Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Do you listen to your friends’ advice when they give it to you? Depends. If it's Sara, I usually do. What’s the last kind of soup you ate? Vegetable. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It is pierced. The most memorable time that you skipped school, what did you do? I don't recall. Did you ever have a favorite teacher in high school? What made them your favorite? Coach Collie. He was very friendly, wise, his sense of humor was great, he cared deeply for his students, was super chill, shared life advice all the time, etc. etc. Can you think of a time when you were really obviously judged by your appearance? What happened? Not that I recall. What’s something your mother told you growing up that you actually listened to? Mind your manners. What are three emotions you experience regularly? Stress, content, but also discontent. What is your favorite Halloween candy? Reese's. Is there anyone who refuses to communicate with you? *shrugs* What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? Something for vocational rehab. Is there something you still can’t do even though you’re an adult or might be expected to do this thing? I don't have a job or drive. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? When I found out one of my closest high school friends is pregnant. I was obviously happy for her. What would you say is your STRONGEST emotion? Maybe not the most frequent, but the most intense? And what emotion do you feel most weakly, even if you might feel it more often? Anger; envy (but it's not often). Have you ever gone somewhere in your pajamas? What makes this acceptable or unacceptable to you? Plenty times, but it depends on my level of shits given and the location. Honestly wish pjs were more acceptable in public places cuz like why not, you've got clothes on, just don't go around where everyone can totally see your dick, ass, or tits. Other than the usual things like IDs, etc, what do you always carry with you when you go out? My phone. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? LOTS!!!! I particularly love fantasy-styled portraiture or macabre work, and omg give me soft lighting. I'm a sucker for emotive or conceptual portraits and the like. I like to photograph an array of things, but my faves are nature and animals. Have you ever gone out for the Black Friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what’s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? Nope. Busiest shopping day I indirectly experienced was when I worked at GameStop during the holiday season... nope. It's a small store and it was flooded. I hated it. Idk about one where I/my family was the shopper. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? No. No. No. NO. I can't stomach going any further back than '15 at the RP forum because fucking cringe. All old stuff like physical journals and such, they're long gone because I never want to see them again lmao. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? Hmmm, probably video games were the first things I was *really* deep into. Recently developed... good question. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat/cold, etc? I'M FUCKING /CRANKY/ IF I'M HOT. Serious lack of sleep makes me moodier. What is one common area of life in which you feel you have little to no experience (college, children, marriage, etc)? Work and independence. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? HEAT. If it's hot to me, you're gonna know. I'll complain if my stomach especially hurts, sometimes with other pain. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? I don't cook, so. But I'd definitely be the latter. When was the last time you were mean or rude to someone else? How about the last time someone acted that way toward you? I hung up on this insurance agency or whatever they are that call me every other goddamn day. I dunno about the second question. What kinds of things are most likely to make you lose your temper? Have you ever done something regrettable or embarrassing while angry? I fucking dare you to ridicule the mentally ill in front of me. Goddamn dare you. For the second part, not to my recollection. Do you have a large dog? No, both our dogs are medium-sized. If not, are you afraid of them? Not at all. Do your parents know that/if you smoke? I don't. What is the reason you last received money? Mom borrowed some from me so she was paying me back. Is anyone in your family sick? Not to my knowledge. Are you very upfront about things or do you "beat around the bush"? The latter, typically. Do you ever write poetry just to get your feelings out? Not really anymore. Middle and high school? I was all about it. I wrote only one poem this year. How many bones have you broken? None. Whose house did you visit last? My sister Ashley's. Have you ever bought a fragrance by a celeb because you liked who it was? No. Do you have a gazebo at your house? No. What’s your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia.