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fluffyfantasticducky · 7 months ago

Text

Mistakes and regrets

☆ Pairing: Loki x Reader

☆ Synopsis: Loki is a prisoner that sees his way out through pretending to date you, but when he finds true love he doesn't know how to deal with the guilt of making a very similar damage to the one that had been done to him when he was used for what originally were selfish reasons.

☆ Word Count: 10.5k, I think that's my longest fic yet, and written in the shortest time lapse, not sure what that says about my mental stability rn.

☆ Notes: As I proofread I noticed this could be interpreted as generational trauma, sort of... given I made Loki sort of mirror what Odin did to him. But I wasn't trying to be deep, I just felt like shit during the week and used this to cope. The fic might be cringy as a result, I am honestly not sure.

☆ Warnings: Depression and guilt are the focus points of this storyline. Loki starts is kinda toxic his behavior here isn't meant to be romanticized or intended to be extrapolated to real life, I just wanted to explore a narrative surrounding poor decisions and the dealing of its consequences. The reader is kinda a Mary Sue of sweetness but I just wanted to hammer in Loki feeling bad and guilty. I don't know if this is a trigger but I touch the vault scene of Loki and Odin and Odin being forgiven is also handled, Idk if that's trigger warning worthy but I know most of the fandom hates him.

“You’re not making it any for me brother.” Thor spoke through the glass.

“I want my freedom, brother.” Loki sighed, sitting down on the uncomfortable bench. “Don’t think of me as ungrateful, but as much as I appreciate not being executed, I can’t exactly call this a life.”

“Director Fury insisted, I’ve tried explaining to him that New York was a complicated situation. But he wants to be sure you are not a threat to Earth– uh, Midgard.”

“You've surely adapted well to living here” Loki rolled his eyes. “Pathetic.”

“Cooperate with me, I brother” Thor begged. “I want to help you, but I need you to help me first.”

“I’m not sure what I am expected to do from here” Loki huffed annoyed.

Thor sighed and gave his little brother a sympathetic look. Loki was frustrated, and he couldn’t blame him. He would be too if he got brainwashed, had all his anger, sense of betrayal and resentment exploited to torture an innocent planet, and still be the one to pay for said crimes… Sure he wouldn’t be all jokes and laughs.

“I’ve been negotiating a way to test your stability and get your freedom” Thor smiled hoping to cheer up his brother. And he made Loki look up. “It’d be a bit uncomfortable at first. But I know you can prove yourself. You’d have to wear cuffs or a while, but you’d be free to walk around with me and the others on trips to the city.”

“Hooray…” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Please brother, I’m trying, I just need you to be patient.” Thor spoke sadly as he made his way out. “I hate this as much as you do.”

“Do you?” Loki said. “As far as I know, you’re not the one in a crystal cell.”

“Alright, almost as much as you do.” Thor joked softly and Loki did chuckle weakly.

He agreed that Thor had been furious. But it all happened so fast.

Thor had managed to land a fatal blow on Thanos’ chest and soon Steve, Natasha, and Bruce had arrived to back him up and retrieve the Infinity gauntlet. They opened a portal to bring back Tony, Doctor Strange, and the Spider Ling… And surprisingly a weird group of space travelers.

When Thor realized they could travel to anywhere in the universe they opened a portal to rescue the Asgardian ship. There were a lot of severe wounds but surprisingly Thanos had failed, he underestimated the strength of Asgard, and most people could be saved.

“Thor!” Valkyrie screamed and rushed to hug the king.

“Valkyrie! You are alright! Thank goodness!” Thor smiled in relief and hugged his friend.

“Thor you have to come quick!” Valkyrie urged him. “It’s Loki!”

Thor’s heart sank, his heart couldn’t stand burying the only family member he had left. Thor had lost his parents… he had seen his whole planet die. But not his baby brother. Not Loki. Not again.

“Please… not now… Let’s treat the wounded ones first…” Thor spoke with a knot on his throat. “I want to focus on saving lives first.”

“Thor, you don’t get it! He’s alive!” Valkyrie scolded him. “But he’s in a critical state! We need to take him to a safe place to treat him.”

A tear streamed down the new king’s face, and he felt as if he had finally put down a enormous boulder he had been holding onto. He didn’t lose Loki.

“Take me to him!” Thor urged them.

Valkyrie took Thor to a damaged room in the ship that had been used as an improvised infirmary. In the corner laid a figure Thor knew too well being treated by healers.

“Brother!” Thor said. “Oh Gods… You’re alive…”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily thunder brain… ugh…!” Loki joked weakly as he groaned in pain. The healers begged him not to move as they tried stabilizing his condition. His neck had been nearly obliterated.

It was a miracle Loki hadn’t died and that the healers had managed to find him on time.

“We couldn’t abandon him” one of the healers spoke politely to her king. “After all, it was because of you and prince Loki that Lady Valkyrie managed to evacuate the survivors. We apologize for not finding you, my king.”

“It’s no problem at all” Thor laughed in an uncharacteristically quiet manner. He was breathless. “Thank you for saving my brother’s life.”

The lady healer let out a sheepish giggle and bowed. Loki rolled his eyes, earning a lecture from the healers that were still treating him. King or not, Thor still had that charm that seemed to make most people swoon.

The reunion was interrupted by a group of soldiers that broke in with a logo on their uniforms that made Thor’s blood boil when they pointed their weapons at Loki. SHEILD.

They picked up the stretcher where Loki was laying in and took him away to lock him up.

Apparently, the news travel fast, but SHIELD travels faster, and hearing Loki was alive was enough to mobilize and capture the injured God and lock him in a crystal prison cell in a SHIELD base. If Loki had a coin for every time that happened… he’d have two.

He couldn’t say Thor didn’t do anything about it. He could hear the thunders and enraged screams from his brother, demanding for an explanation and Loki’s immediate liberation.

“I demand my brother is released immediately!” Thor yelled.

“You should consider yourself grateful we’re allowing your witches to go and heal that world-level threat! He would be better off dead!”

“Don’t you dare speak of my brother like that! Me and all of my people would’ve died if it wasn’t for him!”

Loki wasn’t sure if he was amused or if he felt bad.

It did stroke his ego being called “Asgard’s hero” in the middle of the yelling. It shouldn’t have surprised him that Nick Fury was just as loud as Thor when angry. He couldn’t complain much. It made it much easier to hear what was going on, which was good, he was too weakened to use his magic to spy on them.

The healers tending to his neck sure seemed awkward overhearing the fight. It must have been uncomfortable to be doing your job in a high security cell. So, he tried entertaining the healers as he could. Although all he got was a lecture when his magic drained his energy, and they needed him awake to monitor him.

Soon he got better, he but wasn’t allowed to be out of his cell. It was a bit nostalgic, in some dark and twisted way. It even made him want to fix his old horned helmet, even if Thor would call him a cow for wearing it.

And when things couldn’t get worse… he met you.

“It’s lunch time” a voice said in a weirdly friendly tone before you head popped by the entrance as you balanced a tray of food on your head in an attempt to amuse Loki. He wondered if there were buffoons in Midgard, but you always tried to draw a laugh from him… Tried.

“Tough crowd, eh?”

Loki couldn’t not be baffled by the way you talked to him. Although he couldn’t decide if that was because you surely knew his reputation as Midgard’s terrorist or because you always talked in a friendly and goofy tone in a maximum-security prison in a super-secret spy agency. You also seemed to be awfully young to be here, but you couldn’t be much older than the girl Barton took as his protégée.

“What’s on the menu today?” Loki asked in a more formal tone.

“Why the hurry?” you asked, “don’t tell me you got somewhere else to be.”

“You think you are a lot funnier than you really are” Loki rolled his eyes. “And it’s not very nice to make fun of someone’s disgrace.”

“I hear you think I’m at least a little bit funny” you smiled as you kept balancing the tray of food on your head.

“Please don’t drop my food, I’d like to have at least something to eat” he rolled his eyes.

You tripped on your feet, and he saw the tray falling down, you caught it last second with your shins, and gave him a little sheepish grin.

“Alright, alright, I’m impressed” Loki groaned. “Can I eat now please? Or is having you torment me part of some attempt to break me?”

“Why are you so moody?” you asked. “More than usual, I mean.”

“I’m starving, and you humans eat way too little” Loki finally admitted. “But that is still better than nothing… Please.”

You stopped playing around and you looked at him as you got the tray into his cell.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were eating so little.” You admitted.

“I barely have energy to cast small illusions, which would serve to entertain myself.” Loki complained as he sat to eat and you sat by the table and looked at him, you didn’t seem afraid, curious at most. You watched him eat and took his dirty plates by the end.

You weirded him out.

You always did something along the same lines; you came to bring him food, teased him a little and then left when you were gone. Although this time you had asked more questions about him. And you seemed more pensive while he ate.

And later that day he got a surprise. Usually, he just saw you to deal with you while he ate. But today you returned with a brown paper bag on your hands and a backpack, you never carried personal objects with you.

“What now?” he groaned.

You said nothing but opened the door to pass him food and slid the bag inside. Loki opened his end and grabbed the bag, it was warm, and it had a strong smell inside, he reached and pulled out a weird soft cushion with a white cover.

“Bur…ger? What this?” he asked as he read the yellow letters.

“It’s food” you smiled. “Cafeteria is closed until dinner, so I thought bringing you something else might boost your mood.”

“This looks like junk” he snarled, making you laugh.

“It’s something like that.”

Loki looked inside the bag and looked at you.

“There’s no fork.”

“You eat it with your hands” you smiled and pretended to grab a burger and bite it. “Like a sandwich.”

“What’s a sandwich?” Loki asked, making you laugh again.

Loki tried to take a bit, imitating your gesture, but you stopped with a squeaky laugh.

“Unwrap it first!” you laughed. “The white thing paper is not edible.”

Usually Loki would’ve argued more. But he had been really hungry, so he agreed.

“The taste is agreeable enough.”

“Try the fries!” you said eagerly.

“These yellow sticks?” he asked pulling out one fry from the bag, and you giggle once again, he was learning you were quite easy to amuse.

“Yes, the yellow sticks, they’re potatoes with salt and soaked in hot oil to cook them” you smiled.

“That sounds unhealthy” he said, but he surely didn’t pass up the extra meal, and while he’d never admit it, but it was tasty.

“It is on the long run” you agreed. “But you don’t eat these every day. It’s more like… something you eat when you particularly crave it. Like a treat.”

“What’s on your bag?” Loki asked, a lot more agreeable now with a full stomach.

“Ah, you said you didn’t have much to do” you said and passed him bag. “It’s a portable DVD player and old movies.”

“I understood the word portable from that whole sentence” Loki said in an obvious tone.

He wasn’t new to technology, but unlike Earth, Asgard only used technology for practical purposes like travel and fighting. Never for entertainment.

“You can watch recorded over produced plays on the screen” you said adapting to what Loki might be familiar with. “Fury said you can’t have access to internet, so I thought since I don’t use this anymore it’d keep you entertained while Thor negotiates your freedom. And if you need something else, I could surely get it for you.”

Loki was trying to process it all while he followed your instructions to set up the devices you brought him. Now he’d finally give some use to the electricity plugins on his cell.

“Why are you so nice to me?” Loki asked.

“I don’t know” you shrugged. “You seem like you could use some kindness.”

“I’m a charity case?” Loki asked, not sure if he was thankful or offended.

“You wish. If I was charitable, I would’ve brought a fancy brand of fast food, and you’re a good junkyard to bring my old stuff” you snarled, making Loki laugh, for real this time.

Your cheeks flushed and were soon surrounded in a clod of silver mist. And when it disappeared you had vanished already.

Now that… Loki didn’t see coming. He had heard of your kind when he took control of some of SHIELD agents, humans with supernatural abilities. You were a mutant, and for the looks of it, one with teleportation powers. Now it made sense why someone seemingly so ordinary was in a place like this, flirting with a prisoner.

Interesting.

The next few days you kept bringing him food as usual, but two things had changed. One, the portions were bigger now, Loki now got to eat to a point where he was satisfied. Two, you joked around a lot less, in fact, you simply brought the food and stayed nearby in silence, and Loki had caught you staring at him with rosy cheeks.

So, you did fancy him… Truly interesting. And quite flattering too, he at least had to agree you were quite appealing to stare at.

“I watched one of your… Dee Bee Dees…” Loki started the conversation while he ate. “The one with the funny doctor…”

“That… doesn’t narrow it down much” you finally spoke. “Sarcastic asshole with a wounded leg?”

“He is sarcastic, but he treats patients with joy and laughter and goes against the rules. Like the pair of legs at the entrance” Loki specified. “It was a sweet story… I did feel bad for him when he lost his… you know.”

“Ah, yeah…” you said sadly.

For a few more days, the routine kept like that, you seemed a lot shyer than before and now Loki was the one pursuing your attention and with an arsenal of movies you had watched he always had a way to start conversation.

When he was sure he had properly understood your interest in him, he made his move.

While Loki wasn’t as flashy as Thor, he never had much trouble swooning anyone of his interest, with years of etiquette lessons and nourishing his mind with the most exquisite novels and books Asgard had to offer he knew how to charm anyone he desired.

And soon enough he was courting you. He recited for you the collection of the most exquisite verses he had memorized and casted his illusions of roses and butterflies for you to enjoy a romantic set up.

Soon Fury had two people demanding for his liberation. And since Loki had been in his best behavior Fury didn’t have an excuse to keep Loki locked up and while he had a tracker on his ankle and Asgardian magic bracelets capable of suppressing his magic.

You were there when they let Loki out and he made sure to hug you first. The more in love he seemed, the sooner he’d be truly free. You melted against his embrace and wrapped your arms around him in a warm hug.

Loki felt a light tug on his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time someone out of his parents and Thor been so eager and happy to hug him.

“I had been dreaming of this…” you spoke softly. “And your hugs are even cozier than I imagined.”

That felt like a dagger to his heart. Why were you so sweet?

“Alright, Bambi, if you try something your little sweetheart will let us know right away, got it?” Tony warned him.

You wrapped your arms around Loki’s bicep pressing yourself against him.

“He’s gonna be perfect” you defended him. “And if I’m wrong you can lock me up as well for helping a criminal out.”

Second dagger. What kind of idiot were you trusting him so blindly? Could you really not see he just wanted his freedom?

Loki finally had a proper room, or something like that. He would be staying in the Avengers Compound when the Helicarrier landed… until then there was a room where he, Thor, and basically everyone stayed.

Your bed the one right above Loki’s. Loki sighed. Just a few more days. Loki laid down and saw you looking down at him, peeking from your bed with big sparkling eyes.

“Yes?” Loki said in his best sweet loving tone.

“S-Sorry…” you mumbled as your cheeks got red. “I’m just really happy you’re here.”

“Aww, young love…” Kate cooed.

“SHUT UP! I’M OLDER THAN YOU!” you screeched and threw a pillow right at her face, making Loki smiled softly.

“You’re both babies…” Yelena grinned.

“Shut up, you hag!” you and Kate argued.

“You’re all babies…” Bucky corrected.

“DON’T STICK YOUR NOSE, YOU FOSSIL!” the three of you argued.

“I’m… not gonna join this argument being 1,500 years old” Thor laughed and soon eased the mood in all laughter again.

Meanwhile Loki wouldn’t stop thinking what you said to him. “I’m happy you’re here.” Third stab… How could you be so happy and attached to him so easily and quickly?

The next few days he had resigned to adapt to train with you. He had been a warrior all his life, but being a soldier was too boring for him. It was a lot of training, gym workouts, more training, and meetings. He saw you nodding off during the latter. Where did you pull the energy to play and joke around with him when you went to bring food to him while he had been locked up?

You yawned and rested against his shoulder as you dozed off during lunch once. You were so warm and trusted him more than he deserved. You seemed awfully comfortable around him.

Every spare moment you had was dedicated to him, you were awfully cuddly and touchy. Loki wasn’t used to this in the slightest. At first playing along seemed impossible. But your kisses were so gentle and tender, more often than not he found his eyes fluttering close and his hands wrapping around your waist in a loving way. Even sharing a room with a lot of people seemed more fun if he got to study your reactions.

“Take that!” you screamed as you and Kate smacked each other with pillows, but when a stray pillow hit Natasha in the back of the head, it was war.

Everyone was throwing and hitting each other with pillows until someone pushed you to Loki’s arms who had stayed out of the war as just a bystander. No one seemed to be paying much attention to him, but now you were.

Your face was beet red, and you were blabbering apologies if you had hurt him, (which, you hadn’t). But Loki simply smiled and grabbed your sides and started squeezing them, causing you to squeal and burst out laughing.

Oh, of course you were ticklish, he should’ve known. Hel, you irradiated this aura that just screamed “tickle me!” And as the God of Mischief, he was drawn to ticklish little things such as yourself, to make sure he could exploit every ticklish little inch of your giggly body. It had always been a pretty harmless way to ease his need to cause mayhem.

Soon the entire room was in fits of laughter since Loki had unintentionally inspired a tickle war.

“H-Hohohohoney! Pleahahahahase!” you begged Loki, “thahahahahat tickles!”

“So? I hope it doesn’t bother you, my dear” Loki purred in your ear as his fingers traveled up and down your ribs, causing you to screech. “I think I’d like to play with my pretty little toy some more…”

“Nohohohoho! Please! Hehehehehe! S-Stop it!” you giggled until you had proofed to reappear at the top bunk bed, right by the time someone else had surrendered and called truce.

Thor. His stomach was sore from laughing and he needed a break. But the big Asgardian was confident enough to not be affected by being the one to surrender in such harmless play fight.

“I’m nostalgic” Thor laughed. “Reminds me of the sleep overs with Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun and Sif.”

“I wouldn’t know, I was never invited.” Loki said.

“WHAT?!” you gasped and threw a pillow at Thor’s head in Loki’s defense. “JERK! TO YOUR OWN BROTHER!”

“What do you mean?” Thor asked. “You rejected us every time.”

“What are you talking about? You never invited me, brother” Loki explained. “By the time I had found out, you were all locked in your chambers.”

“Sif and the guys always said you said no” Thor said. “That’s why I always made smaller sleepovers with just you and me. I thought you hated big groups.”

Loki never thought Thor had been clueless, if anything he thought it had been him who rejected him, it never occurred to him it was the rest that orchestrated Loki’s exclusion. It made sense in retrospect, they were more Thor’s friends, not Loki’s.

“I enjoy time to myself,” Loki agreed. “But I’ve never been against big events. I always thought it was you who didn’t want me near your friends…”

“Of course not, brother…”

“Don’t feel bad, Loki” Yelena said in a tone that eased the mood. “Nat used to have sleepover with friends and ban me from her room the whole night. But we’re sisters, adopted or not.”

“I said I was sorry, and I was 11 you resentful crybaby!” Natasha argued with a laugh.

You noticed that had hit a sensitive spot-on Loki and went to sit behind Loki to give him a hug from behind. And it was unexpectedly comforting, he sighed as you kissed his cheek. Growing more and more used to your doting affection, you were also rather good to read his mood by now.

It just made him feel more guilty, so he tried changing the subject.

“You poof around when tickled, hm?” Loki chuckled. “Noted.”

“Not just when I’m tickled, when I get worked up by almost anything…” you explained. “I can’t always control it.”

“I see… so, I get you all worked up…” Loki flirted, making you jolt and squeak with a red face. “Heh… I’m flattered.”

“What about you?” you asked when you calmed down, resting your chin on his shoulder. “Does something like that happen to you?”

“Mmm… my magic is also very tied to my feelings is mostly surges of magic when I’m pissed off.” Loki shrugged. “In a way, the source of my magic abilities come from my control of how I feel. Which is why Thor could never learn sorcery… he couldn’t ever keep calm and focus enough.”

It felt a bit of a cheap answer, his guilt told him you were always vulnerable with him. There was another thing…

Alright, now that no one was paying attention to you two.

“When I was little, I used to have a lot of nightmares, and my mother stayed with me and taught me this spell… it allows you to invite someone else to your dreams, to put it simply. She taught me that spell to help me with the bad dreams… And sometimes I still cast it involuntarily while I sleep. It’s… what’s the word? Automatic, at this point.”

“You haven’t used it since we met” you pointed out.

“There’s these preventing that” Loki wiggled the magic cuffs on his wrists, and you shrank sheepishly. “Maybe one day I’ll have you sleep visiting… who knows…”

You smiled too eagerly at the idea… it was painful to see the adoration in your eyes.

The next night you were chatting happily, you laid on the floor with your feet hanging on Loki’s bed. Surprisingly he didn’t mind too much, he found himself much more engaged on the conversation. He simply rested his hand on your shin, caressing it with his thumb.

But at some point during the chat his hand brushed by your ankle, something that should’ve caught his attention way sooner. A location tracker like his. He brushed his fingers along the band, and you jolted, quickly making a bad excuse before rushing out. A terrible liar dating the god of lies. How ironic.

“I didn’t know… I thought I was the only one with one of these…” Loki pointed to his tracker.

“All mutants and non-SHIELD affiliated have one” Tony explained with a yawn. “Basically, if you have superpowers, you have two options, be an agent or an avenger.”

“Or locked up” Loki concluded, and the way no one answered, confirming his suspicion.

“You’re gonna be joining us, right, brother?” Thor smiled.

“Do I have a choice?”

Loki chuckled, he had been thinking about this prior to this information, the fear of actually losing his brother when Thor was ready to leave him forever in Sakaar had been too great.

But what about you? You didn’t strike him the superhero style, a were a fragile and sensitive little thing, and he couldn’t picture you in the battlefield, but being a soldier was clearly taking a huge toll on you. You seemed perpetually exhausted living like this.

“Has my darling decided yet?” Loki asked, he didn’t plan on the pet names, but it felt weirdly natural as it rolled off his tongue. It felt right.

“Not before meeting you, we had tried, but I’d say with you two together… things have changed for the better.” Steve assured him. “It’s a relief though, you two would be great assets in the future, and the life at the compound is bit freer and more independent.”

For some reason, Loki smiled at the sound of that.

“It’s gonna be for the best” Bruce smiled. “Fury can be quite severe, and the soldier life isn’t for everyone…”

Loki couldn’t see you long term here, you’d be overworking yourself for a lifestyle too demanding and that you didn’t even like. It would be for the best to be an Avenger… at least that’d give you some more freedom.

By then, the mood had died down and everyone went to bed, turning off the lights way before you arrived. A few more minutes passed… and nothing. Loki considered going to find you when you opened the door, guiding your way with your phone’s flashlight. You had a messy damp ponytail, and baggy pajamas. You arrived and sat by Loki’s bed and immediately collapsed right beside him, invading his bed. He was ready to climb and use yours when you he felt a tug on his shirt.

“Let me stay with you…” you mumbled with your eyes closed, it seemed you still had some consciousness.

Loki nodded and laid down beside you, wrapping his arm over you, and tucking you under the bedsheets. He had to keep appearances. Yeah… Of course.

He studied you for a while. Your hair was soft, and it smelled like wild berries, shampoo he had started using as well because it smelled so nice. Your skin was soft and smooth, it was addictive to trace his fingers along your body. He traced circles along your side.

“Nooo… thahahat tickles…” you giggled and shifted in your half-asleep state, making something stir within Loki. “You can tickle me all you want in the morning, okay baby…?”

“Ohoho! Is that so?” Loki chuckled. “That’s dangerous thing to offer to the God of Mischief don’t you think?”

“’s okay… I trust you…” you yawned snuggling against his chest.

“Y-You do…?”

“You’d never do anything to hurt me…” you assured him, even with your brain fighting with all it’s might to not succumb to exhaustion.

Once his eyes adapted to the darkness, he stared at your face. Your features were gentle, with a pureness that only a heart that hadn’t been corrupted with cruelness and malice would have. It made him feel weak.

“I love you” you mumbled, kissing his lips before finally falling asleep with the most peaceful smile he had ever seen on anyone that was this close to him.

“I… I love you too…” he whispered and kissed the top of your head.

Now Loki genuinely wanted to stab himself through the chest, he deserved nothing less.

The next morning was the last time he’d be in the Helicarrier for a long time if he could help it. Both of you got the trackers removed and he was officially free. The magic cuffs were taken off of Loki and he immediately summoned a huge illusion that had a radius of a few kilometers as he stretched and showed off.

A huge double rainbow, oh how he had missed using his magic like this. He noticed your eyes sparkling in admiration.

Thor helped him unpack and you two were assigned neighbor bedrooms so the lovey dovey couple could stay close. You seemed ecstatic, you set your room and invited him to see it.

It was very much what he expected from you. Cozy and cute, just being inside made him want to lay down on your bed and sleep. And of course you had a pile of stuffed animals. He laid back on your bed, sinking in the mattress and fluffy covers.

Adorable.

“Honey bunny, I’m gonna go to the city alone today… don’t follow me” you warned him and proofed away before reappearing for a second. “And don’t snoop around my stuff! Love ya!”

And you disappeared in a gust of silvery white mist. Loki napped on your bed for a while, but… he couldn’t resist, he was curious by nature. He walked by your desk and saw the mirror of had a bunch of photos of him stuck to the board, he wasn’t smiling in any of them, and most had been taken him by surprise. Loki would’ve thought it weird, but the two of you were dating. And you only did what was normal for someone in a relationship. He smiled softly at how purely infatuated you were.

“Loki!” you called for him, so you had returned. He went to find you.

You had smiled so brightly as you jumped to his arms and showered his face in loving smooches.

“I missed you!” you smiled between kisses.

“You just left an hour or so…” he chuckled.

“It’s still too much time away from you!” you snuggled with him. “I missed this pretty face.”

“Heh…” he chuckled.

“I bought us something.” You smiled and handed him a golden bracelet with a round item on the middle. You kept the silver one. “It’s a distance touch bracelet.”

You touched your bracelet, and he felt his buzzing. Oh. He knew this couldn’t have been cheap. And you still didn’t hesitate to get it for him.

“Now you can feel me close, even if I vanish, or if we can’t be with each other.” You giggled.

His heart fluttered. How could there be someone so overly sweet? To him, of all people.

“Thank you…” he smiled.

Days passed and Loki’s sanity was evaporating in thin air. Guilt was eating him alive.

You were in truly, madly, and hopelessly in love with him. You wanted nothing but the best for him and you always showered him with love, affection and the sweetest kisses he had ever tasted. And worst of it all, he was falling in love with you. He deserved no love from you, but he had it… And it filled his heart with a warmth he didn’t deserve. Oh, you poor lovely thing, if you only knew how cruel his intentions had been to start your relationship.

He did what you wanted now, trying to make up for it. He didn’t want you to feel like you did all the job in a relationship anymore. Soon the photos were more couple y, of kisses and hugs, Loki took photos of you more as well. He invited you to read and nap with him.

He tickled you lots, and making you giggle in his arms as he held you close. He hugged you tight, trying to squeeze in all the love he had develop for the kind soul that had been nothing but sweet to him. In a wordless pray for your forgiveness.

He did everything that occurred to him would make you happy.

“No way! You’re ticklish?!” you gasped with an ear-to-ear grin.

“Terribly so, I can’t stand being ticked in between my ribs” he smiled as he rested his chin on your head, with you sitting on his lap. “My magic acts up on its own if I get overwhelmed, like you.”

“Really?” you giggled and caressed his sides. “Can I try?”

“For a kiss…” he smiled and puckered his lips for a smooch, which you complied with a huge grin. “I adore you… Fine, you got one minute to tickle my ribs.”

“Just one minute?” you whined with that lovely smile of yours.

“Thirty seconds?” he smiled.

“Eh?!” you whined. “One minute!”

“See how convincing I am?” he grinned.

“Oh, you—” you said and turned around to start poking and prodding his ribs, Loki couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

“Ack! Hehehehe!” he whined, you were too good at this, he was laughing his heart out. “S-Stohohohop! Hehehehe! I-It’s been a minute! Hahaha! S-Stop!”

“I’m not done with you, you pretty tease!” you giggled and kept prodding between his ribs.

“Oh yeheheah?!” he laughed and skittered his fingers along your belly.

You were squealing and giggling in the blink of an eye. But you didn’t stop tickling him.

“Hehehehe! Hic! G-Give up!” you giggled and squirmed as you prodded his sides.

“You give up! Hahahahaha!” he giggled squeezed your tummy and skittered his fingers along your armpits.

“Ack! Noohohohoho!” you whine and squeezed above his kneecaps, making him jump and ergo you fell off his lap and onto the couch.

“You’re in trouble…” he grinned and his fingers, poked, drilled, kneaded and scratch over every sensitive spot on your body, and it didn’t matter if you gave up. He didn’t stop until you were breathless.

Only then he stopped and held you in his arms.

“Remind me to not tickle you again, you’re sadistic” you smiled.

“You know it, darling…” he smiled and kissed the top of your head. “Did you have fun?”

“Mhm…” you smiled and leaned against him. “I love you.”

You were beyond ecstatic. You melted under all of his affection and more time he spent with you, the more he couldn’t deny his feelings for you.

He did it everything he could to make you happy. But nothing he did alleviated his guilt. He could only imagine the amount of heartache you would feel if you found out he had only used you to try looking better adjusted and be free, and that he had pretended to fall in love.

He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep. He was going insane. He walked around the compound like a ghost during the night. He did a stop to throw up in the toilet.

“You’re awake,” you surprised him despite your gentle tone. “Is something bothering you?”

“N-No, love. I just wasn’t feeling very tired.” He assured you. “Don’t worry. Go back to sleep.”

You placed your hands on his hips and leaned closer to him the way you did whenever you were going to kiss him. But you took a little sniff—probably smelling his bad breath—you stopped and smiled at him with kindness.

“Mmm… Insomnia, hm?” you smiled and pulled him to the kitchen. “I know just the cure.”

You heated up water and prepared him a tea with honey. The warmth of the drink ran through him as the sweet drink got rid of the bad taste, and he sighed a tear streaming down his face.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, cupping his face.

“I’ve done so many awful things… And…” he spoke softly. “I don’t know how to fix them… I don’t deserve any forgiveness…”

“Oh Loki…” you hugged him. “No one blames you… you didn’t mean it… I’ve seen your pretty heart, and you deserve all the love in the world… Gosh, if I could take all the pain, you’re feeling for myself, I would.”

“Please don’t say that…” he begged. He couldn’t handle anymore guilt, but he didn’t know how to tell you the truth.

You gently guided him to your bedroom and tucked him in your bed, wrapping your arms around him in a protective way.

“Forgive me love... Please forgive me…” he begged between mutters. “I take it all back… please… Please don’t hate me… please…”

“Shh…” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair. “It’s all gonna be okay… I’m always gonna be here for you.”

Between the warm tea, his exhaustion, the previous sleepless nights, your comfortable bed, and your loving touch… his body gave up on him and he fell asleep.

Everything was dark, and cold, covered in ice and a cruel wind. Loki had a good tolerance to cold, but he was freezing.

“Monster…” a voice echoed so loudly it made Loki’s ears ring. It was his own voice and it came from everywhere around him.

“Traitorous rat…”

“Murderer…”

“Beast…”

“Liar…”

“Frost giant…”

“Monster…”

“Manipulator…”

“Liar…”

“We finally had someone’s trust…”

“Of course, you just play around with others!”

Loki was completely surrounded by copies of himself, all at least twice his size, blue skin, Jotun attire, and eyes red like blood. True frost giants.

Loki simply took every blow and insult. He deserved them.

“Loki…?” a different voice called. “Is this what you meant by inviting someone to your dreams?”

No please… you couldn’t be here.

“Darling… wake up… please don’t be here…” Loki begged you. “Please…”

“I’m not leaving you here on your own…” you spoke and kneeled beside him.

Loki felt his body change, every muscle vanished leaving him as practically skin and bones. Small. Weak.

“Loki… what’s going on?! What’s happening to you?!”

Loki tried to shapeshift back to his natural look, but he had no control of his own body. At this point in life, he should be desensitized to nightmares where his magic didn’t obey him… but…

“Please… leave me here…” he spoke as he could, but he could barely hear himself.

“Don’t say that... What’s… what can I do for you?”

There was something about dreams, and especially Loki’s dreams, that always seemed to be extra dramatic. It must have been so confusing to be in one as an outsider.

Loki’s body changed again, he grew twice his usual size, and his body was blue and muscled. Exactly the body of a Jotun.

“STOP BEING SO GOOD TO ME! CAN’T YOU SEE I DON’T LOVE YOU?!”

“What?!”

What?! No! That wasn’t true…

Loki tried to take it back, but he was in autopilot. He was in the passenger seat of his own mind.

“I DON’T LOVE YOU! ARE YOU THAT GULLIBE TO THINK I’D FALL IN LOVE WITH A MORTAL?! I HAVE BEEN USING YOU!”

“No… no, you're not… You wouldn’t…”

“I JUST NEEDED A COVER, TO SEEM WELL ADJUSTED ENOUGH TO NOT BE A PRISONER! AND YOU WERE ANNOYING ENOUGH TO BARGE IN DEFENSE OF ME! I’V BEEN PLAYING WITH YOU FROM DAY ONE! DON’T YOU SEE YOU ARE JUST A TOY?! YOU’RE PATHETIC!”

The look on your face was heartbreaking. You looked crushed.

“I HAVE BEEN THINKING OF A WAY TO GET RID OF YOU! I CAN’T SLEEP AND I WANT TO THROW UP THINKING I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU YET ANOTHER DAY!”

You curled up on the floor and Loki lifted you but your collar’s shirt.

“GET IT INSIDE YOUR HEAD! I COULD NEVER LOVE A MORTAL AS UNNERVING AS YOU!” Loki screamed at you before slamming you against the floor.

“NO!” Loki sat up with a gasp and his body drenched in sweat. He looked around and saw you curled up on the bed, your back facing him. “Love?! Thank goodness… I’m so— Love, w-what’s wrong…?”

You were stiff and you had a hand on the back of your head. Loki shifted and stretched a bit and saw your face. Your eyes were full of tears, yet he had never seen you with such a cold expression in your face.

“My love… and what’s wrong?” Loki placed a hand over your arm, and you slapped it.

“Why did you say that?” you asked him.

“I d-don’t know… I wasn’t… I didn’t…” Loki stuttered. “My dreams are like that…”

“No. I mean, what you said was really specific. Why…?”

“I don’t—I don’t know why I—”

“Tell me the truth, Loki.” You ordered him. “Did you, or did you not pretend to love me for your freedom?”

Loki stayed quiet. He didn’t have the courage to tell you the truth, but he didn’t have the heart to keep lying to you. With that confirmation tears started falling down your cheeks again.

“Y-Yes but I—that was before…”

“Get out…” you spoke.

“What? No, darling, listen… I…”

“I don’t want to hear you.”

“Please love… let me explain…” he tried holding you.

That made you snap. You started hitting him, being a human it was impossible for you to harm him, but not once in his life had he felt more pain.

“DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TALK TO ME!”

“Darling please…”

“I DON’T WANNA SEE YOU EVER AGAIN! GET OUT OF MY ROOM AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE!”

He had no strength to fight you, he was defenseless as you kicked him out of your room, slamming the door on his face.

There were a few faces popping out of their door to try seeing what had happened and that quickly retreated back to their rooms. Loki had no choice but to go inside of his own bedroom.

The next morning, he nearly tripped on his way out with a box by is door. It was full of books, quills, a coat, photos of you together. And… the silver bracelet that matched his own. It tore his heart to shreds. He didn’t feel as guilty anymore. But remorse and the memory of how brokenhearted you looked was even more sadistic. He heard you crying often from across the wall.

A few days later the others started giving him dirty looks. Knowing you and considering that this didn’t happen right away he assumed they had found out after heavy interrogation and now everyone knew he had used you. Even Thor seemed upset, not angry, but he had this… disappointment in his eyes.

“I hate dealing with moving companies” Tony sighed as they all sat for dinner. “But Fury wants to have our little Houdini enlisted by the end of the week. It’s a shame… The kiddos enjoyed being around each other.”

“Tell me about it” Clint sighed. “Kate is devastated.”

“Speaking of devastated…” Natasha said as she stood up, and Loki would’ve sworn she was shooting daggers at him with that glare. “See if I can be more convincing about eating something, otherwise Fury will have a corpse enlisting.”

You were moving out? To become a SHIELD agent? But you hated being a soldier. Had he hurt you so bad that you preferred that lifestyle and ruin your life forever… than being around him?

This all felt awfully familiar. Loki excused himself and went to his room and lock himself inside. He closed his eyes, and part of him wished that they’d never open again.

“Am I cursed?” Loki asked, choked up by the last bit of hope.

“No.” Odin responded the worst thing he could've said him. A curse would've been better.

Loki placed the casket down, weakly, it suddenly felt like a very... very heavy thing to carry. And the weight stayed there, right on his chest even after the casket had been placed back at the pedestal.

“Then what am I?” Loki asked softly, afraid of the answer.

“You're my son.” Odin answered, and Loki doubted his own magic since he couldn't detect dishonesty in his father's words.

Clearly that was a lie. So why didn’t his magic detect that? Loki felt rage spiral out of control like a boiling pot.

“What more than that?” Loki growled, still trying to keep his composure as he walked towards his father that was by the stairs at the other side of the corridor. “The Casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”

Odin looked him in the eye. Unable to deny it any longer. It had been to many years with that secret. As Loki walked closer, Odin just started at him in silence as Loki reached the stairs.

“No.” Odin finally said. “In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the Temple, and I found a baby. Small for a giant's offspring— abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son.”

That felt like a dagger piercing the young prince’s heart. Out of all the things he was insecure about, it turned out he WAS an outsider. Out of all the things he could’ve been, he HAD to be a Jotun, a monster. Out of all the Jotun’s in existence, he was the son of the worst of them all. And out of all the reasons he could’ve been adopted for, was because even his own biological family didn’t want him… and his adopted family never told him any of this.

“Laufey's son...?” Loki finally managed to gasp out, he was choking up on his own tears. “Why? You were knee-deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?”

“You were an innocent child.” Odin said, sounding more exhausted by the second.

“No!” Loki begged his father, knowing that Odin was a strategic warrior. There was always a meaning behind his actions. “You took me for a purpose, what was it?”

But Odin didn’t answer. The physical toll of delaying his Odin sleep to prepare Thor to rule, preventing a war, the emotional toll of having to banish Thor and now… having his youngest child doubt his love for him because of his foolish decision of not telling him the truth earlier were overwhelming him.

The All-King saw with pain how the little child that once smiled at him with love when he picked him in his arms after the battle now saw him with fear, pain, and resentment.

“TELL ME!” Loki demanded loudly, no longer capable of remaining calm.

“I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about a permanent peace... through you.” Odin confessed.

That was the final blow to Loki’s poor heart.

“What…?”

A tool. All he had been adopted for was as an instrument of peace between Asgard and a race that everyone saw as blood-thirsty monsters.

“But those plans no longer matter.” Odin clarified.

“So, I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up… here, until you might have use of me.” Loki inquired in pain.

“Why do you twist my words?” Odin asked softly.

“You could have told me what I was from the beginning.” Loki urged, desperate to makes sense of what easily was the worst day of his life. “Why didn't you?!”

“You are my son. I wanted only to protect you from the truth.” Odin said softly, in a fruitless attempt to calm his poor child’s heart.

“Wh— B-Because I-I-I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?!” Loki asked, flooded by all the scary stories about the frost giants growing up. All those times he and Thor played heroes as kids fighting those monsters.

“Don't...” Odin begged as his strength slowly abandoned him.

But Loki couldn’t listen anymore. The grief was too great, and the feeling of betrayal didn’t allow him to trust Odin anymore.

“It all makes sense now! Why you favored Thor all these years.” Loki yelled as he started walking up the stairs to yell at Odin as the All-Father slowly lost his strength and started passing out on the stairs. “Because no matter how much you claim to “love” me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the Throne of Asgard!”

Odin kept trying until his last second of consciousness to beg his son for help, forgiveness… anything. But he had been too weakened to dedicate his young boy some kind of love or reassurance as he fell prey to the Odin sleep, he had delaying for so long.

Now Loki encountered a similar dilemma. He had been stupid, dishonest, and selfish to someone who offered him nothing but unconditional love. He betrayed your trust and there was no way now that Loki could prove that despite his original intentions his love wasn’t any less real.

He laid down on his bed, with his arm draped dramatically over his eyes.

“Troubled, my son?” a voice spoke making Loki sit up.

“Father” Loki smiled softly. “I ruined it. I had the most beautiful love in my life… and I was stupid and lost it because of my own selfishness.”

“That sounds familiar” Odin chuckled. “You truly are my son, after all.”

“You had always been will always be my father…” Loki said the words he had denied for several years. “I never understand your reasons. Cruel as they were…”

“Not holding back against your old father, hm?” Odin laughed.

“Sorry…” Loki smiled softly.

“My original reasons were foolish, selfish, and even cruel as you rightfully… but I always hoped to do what would be best for the 9 Realms” he spoke. “But that didn’t mean the love I had for you wasn’t any less real. You are my son, regardless of the kind of blood that coursed through your veins.”

Loki smiled softly; it was weird. He knew Odin would have never say all that. But now, after growing up so much, he understood it wasn’t because he didn’t feel it, he had always been too proud and formal, too much of a king. And while imperfect, it was still his father.

“That’s why you never caught me lying when I called you my son or said that I loved you.” Odin spoke. “In my heart, you’ve always been my son.”

“I know, father” Loki smiled. “I’m sorry it took me so long to understand it.”

“I’m sorry I never told you before… I feared you wouldn’t take it well…”

“Me? I would never” Loki joked softly.

“We always loved you as our own” a female voice added making Loki turned around.

“Mother.” Loki spoke breathless. “I know… I know… I knew, I was just too scared I could’ve been wrong, and you didn’t…”

“You were too much of a charming kid not to love you” Frigga said compassionately. “Your little human surely thinks so too.”

Ah… that… Loki wasn’t so sure.

“I ruined it, I deserve nothing but the hatred and disgust I’ve earned from my darling.” Loki huffed out. “I manipulated, lied, and destroyed the trust of my love.”

“Dear, there’s nothing final in these matters…” Frigga smiled softly. “If that loved blossomed once, you may rescue it and nourish it again. But first… you need to apologize.”

“I don’t think I’m wanted anywhere near hearing range.” Loki explained.

“Do you think the love between your mother, and I always had a perfect relationship?” Odin smiled.

“Your father was too temperamental for that” Frigga intervened with a smile and both parents looked at each other with love. “But when you truly love someone and you make a mistake, you swallow your pride and make up for your wrongdoings.”

Loki smiled softly, he remembered it well. When Odin’s temper got the best of him because of the stress of being a king, Odin made sure to make up for Frigga know how truly sorry he was, and Frigga who already knew her husband’s temper was an expert on not letting her affect her, knowing it was never personal. She had truly been blessed with infinite patience given she dealt with three men with bad tempers and yet her kindness and loving nature knew no end. It was not rare to see Odin gifting Frigga fancy gifts and spend long hours apologizing and dedicating the day to her. It wasn’t the perfect arrangement, but no relationship was.

Loki chuckled softly.

“Thanks…” he smiled and both parents tended a hand to him with a smile. “I know what I have to do.”

Ready to say goodbye, Loki placed his hands on top of Odin and Frigga’s, and with that, the figure of his parents faded under a green light as Loki’s palms stopped glowing. Loki let out a little laugh as he wiped his tears.

His illusions had never been so benevolent towards himself, they were either torturous or for a fake sense of gloating and dissociation. But your compassion had changed him forever. He could use them for closure and to guide him with the stuff he knew but needed to hear. And… you deserved that at least.

He got up and went outside and went to a trip. It took him around an hour to get to the city and a couple more hours to get his several stops get several gifts. A lovely white bouquet of flowers, a box of your favorite chocolates, a necklace with a cute silver heart shaped locket and got it printed with a small photo, a copy of a photo he had carried from one of your first “dates” you got where you were giving him a small kiss in the cheek and cupped the other one, a symbol of your shared love.

On his way back, Loki held the original photo close to his chest and sighed. He prayed this would work as he was on his way to see you. He knocked on your door and hid his gifts behind himself, not even remembering he could’ve concealed them with his magic from how nervous he was.

His chest tightened as you opened the door, your eyes and nose were red, and your cheeks were stained with tears. Oh Norns… He had hurt you really bad.

“Love… Please… let me explain” Loki spoke softly.

“What do you need to explain, Loki?” you asked and sniffled, practically murdering him when you called him Loki instead of one of your lovely cheesy pet names. “That I was just a toy for you to play with and pretend that you loved me, so you’d be a free man? I got that quite clearly.”

You were ready to slam the door on his face, but he reached his leg to stop you. He nearly dropped one of your gifts. You looked at him confused, eying him up and down before sighing in defeat, opening the door he walked inside of your little room. He saw the little night table covered with used tissues and the bed’s decorative cushions were all over the place. It broke his heart.

“What do you want, Loki?” you asked tiredly as you sat on the bed, placing a cushion on your lap and against your chest.

“My darling, I was the biggest, most cruel and inconsiderate imbecile of all 9 Realms” he said, kneeling before you as he handed you the bouquet of flowers. You gently placed the flowers on your lap, still looking at him.

“It is true, that I was looking to just find a relationship to pretend I had adapted to living on earth” he spoke. “It was a selfish, shallow, and dishonest reason to make you mine… But I did it. It was heartless and there’s no excuse or reason for you to forgive that. But I beg of you to stay here… never speak to me again if you need, but don’t settle to a life of misery just to avoid me. I will happily accept being locked up in a dungeon for a hundred years, so you don’t see the likes of me again…”

He handed you the chocolate, and your gaze softened for a second as you saw the chocolate, he remembered which ones you liked the most. You opened your mouth to speak, but a gentle squeeze to your hands let you know Loki still wanted to speak.

He had caused all of this for not telling you the truth, and now he wanted to fully bare his soul to you now.

“You offered me boundless kindness, patience despite my flaws, understanding to my pain and sins of the past, laughter like I hadn’t enjoyed before, you fed with the most delicious and warm foods I had ever eaten, you showed me the concept of dates and you bared me completely vulnerable to your touch and heart and you bared yourself completely to me without fear of me…” Loki continued, as tears streamed down his face, drowning in regret. “And all I did was play with you and betray the trust your selfless heart gave me without asking for anything in return.”

He placed his forehead on your knees and sobbed, completely ashamed of what he had done to you. He didn’t deserve your forgiveness, but he felt like he’d die without you. And he’ deserve it.

“I don’t care” you finally spoke, and he looked up, he saw the tears streaming down your face. “You’re the God of Mischief and Lies, there are countless stories of how you lied and manipulated to get away with anything you wanted… I should’ve expected I’d be just that.”

“No— No, darling!” Loki held your hands and pressed his lips against your knuckles. “No, my sweet, you— I was selfish. I wanted a cover up, yes, but what I found was love, I found the butterflies in my stomach you always speak of. I found the warm of your hands lingering on my skin after our dates. I found myself awake during the night sighing over those lovely eyes I’ve now so cruelly filled with tears…” Loki spoke softly.

You were shaking in your place as you did your best not to cry and interrupt him. He brushed his finger along your cheek as in appreciation of your effort.

“None of what you heard that night was true in my heart…” he assured you “I never felt so disgusted I wanted to vomit; it was guilt that was killing me from the inside… knowing I was hurting such a beautiful flower.”

He handed you the heart locket and you opened it, seeing the photo made you sob as silently as you could.

“I was selfish and a liar. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me and want nothing to do with me again. But please know that my heart beats for and because of you only.” He spoke. “I fell hopelessly and irredeemably in love with you. I swear that on my life.”

You looked at him and smiled, as you wrapped your arms around his neck and sobbed now freely and unrestrained. Time seemed to stop for Loki as he hugged you back, taking in your scent and caressing you. Tears fell down his face and he held you, afraid you’d disappear if he let go of you.

You forgave him. He didn’t think he’d ever be so lucky to find a kind soul that would forgive even his worst mistake. But he found it, you were kind enough to do so. Your wrapped your arms around him in a warm hug and Loki was able to let all the pain and guilt go… He couldn’t undo his mistakes, but he could be better, and he wanted to be his best self for you.

“Thank you… Norns, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” he repeated over and over between whispers and tears as he held you tight.

You sat up straight and cupped his face and laughed softly as you still cried happy tears.

“You’re gonna have to buy me a new box of tissues, you booger” you joked softly with a sniffle, and pressed your forehead to his and grabbed a tissue to blow your nose.

“I’ll give you the entire world if you so desire, my love” he spoke with a gentle smile. “Just say the word.”

“I don’t need the world” you smiled and kissed his cheek. “I have everything I need right here.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” he chuckled softly as he grabbed a tissue to wipe his tears and blow his nose. “I’m a disaster and somehow I still found the most precious little dove all for myself.”

You held him tightly in a hug… in silence for a few minutes before you spoke again.

“Did you think I was annoying when we first met?” you asked with a stern look on your face. “I want the truth.”

“Truthfully… you were a nightmare…” Loki admitted in a soft playful tone.

“HEY!” you whined and dug your fingers into the crevices of his ribs making him burst out laughing. “I said honest, not mean!”

“Ehehehe! Lohohohohove, let me finish!” he giggled, letting you have this, it was the least he could do. “P-Please, s-stohohohop that! Not there!”

You smiled and went to tickle his belly. Oh, you had really not liked that.

“Plehehehehehease, dahahaharling! I surrender!” he laughed and did his best to not squirm.

“Fine… what is it?” you asked, as you sat sideways on his lap, already happily cuddling with him.

Thank whatever superior force that was out there… Oh, you’re a wonderful blessing.

“You’re a nightmare turned into a dream” he clarified and he didn’t even bother fighting the urge to squeeze you tightly.

“You have 3 seconds to explain how that’s a compliment o I’ll tickle you until you puncture a lung.”

“Ihihi— I mean like, when you start having a bad dream… but it turns around as the most wonderful of dreams, those that you still think about after waking up.” Loki said, and as those words he was sure he had fried his brain because he didn’t make any sense.

But that was enough for you.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” You grumbled.

“C’mon… don’t be mad at me for being foolish and wrong” he smiled as he squeezed you tight. “Surely you thought I was insufferable at first as well, we’re so different after all.”

You smiled and shook your head.

“I love my pretty prince” you smiled and picked a tissue yourself to clean your face. “Flaws, differences, and all.”

“Do you, now?” he grinned cheekily. “I sure am a lucky one to be called yours.”

“A Loki one” you giggled, and Loki made a scowl of disgust. “Sorry! I thought it too late when I said it and— hehehe!”

“Oh, that was awful— C’mere… you!”

“W-What?! NO! NOHOHOHOHO! LOHOHOHOKI, STOP IHIHIHIT!”

As he made you laugh and held you against him, he couldn’t doubt how fortunate he was to be so undoubtedly yours.

| MASTERPOST |

#marvel tickles #marvel fluff #loki laufeyson #ticklish!loki #lee!loki #ler!loki #ticklish!reader #lee!reader #ler!reader #loki x reader #loki tickle #loki fluff #ducky writes tickles

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shegatsby · 2 years ago

Note

Hi! I dont really now how requests work so I’m so sorry for any mistakes!! I was wondering if u could do a Hannibal x fem(or gn) reader where she gets kidnapped and he finds out and saves her(but she’s injured). Heavy angst to pure fluff!!

PS: I couldn’t find if ur requests r closed or open so if they are closed rn I’m so sorry!!!🌷🌷🌷🌷

A/N; Hi! Thank you for this request i hope you'll like it. Sorry for any typos. Enjoy! Let me know what you think :)

Warnings; Kidnapped reader, injuries etc.

(gif isn't mine)

When she woke up from her nightmare her head was hurting her like a bitch.. only her nightmare was real. She was trapped in a basement, the last thing she remembered was that someone broke into her house and hit hear head, she was cooking dinner when the attacker came, her plan was to have Hannibal over for dinner, to thank him for helping her etc. She wanted to impress him so bad.. but now she was in a dark basement and her hands and feet were tied. She had to take deep breaths to calm herself in order to make logical desicions. The door of the basement was opened and soon her attacker hit the light, it was yellow and hurt her eyes, ''Rise and shine sweetheart.'' a man's voice was heard, ''Why am I here?'' she asked trying her best to not freak put, the man had a mask and he was wearing an expensive suit, he came close to her, holding a knife, obviously trying to scare her, ''You're just a pawn in my game little dove. It's your boyfriend I want.''

''Boyfriend? I don't have one, sorry.'' she rolled her eyes, what was he talking about?!

''Aww you haven't realized? Doctor Lecter is quite smitten by you. Even a blind person could see that.''

Well, she wasn't sure but she had been feeling a strange pull towards him, recently they've been seeing each other, bumping into each other, it was as if Hannibal was just standing where ever she goes... or was it not a coincidence?

When Doctor Hannibal Lecter walked into her apartment the door was wide open, only sound he could hear was the stove cooking something, he silently walked in, didn't close the door just in case if he had to run. Turns out, there was no one except the broken plates, he turned off the stove with his gloved hands and picked up the small piece of paper on the kitchen table.

''Come find us Doctor Lecter...''

This must be about the latest case Hannibal has been helping the FBI with, a murderer was loose, killing young women and dropping them in the forest, his heart skipped an awful beat when he thought of the possibility that his Y/N is being killed... if he alarmed the FBI Y/N most likely would be dead in a couple hours so he had to be alone on this case.

He quickly drove to the place where he had suspicions of, there was an abandoned house close to one of the victim's body, of course the FBI searched but couldn't find anything but Hannibal had to try and find her.

Meanwhile Y/N was on the ground, her right side hurt, ''If you let me go I won't tell anyone... please..'' she had to give..

The tall man with the mask laughed, punched her lower stomach, she coughed up blood. ''Shut up before I cut your face.''

She didn't dare to say anything else.

After a while the masked man went upstairs and she heard some noises, like two people fighting and then a gun shot... she almost jumped from the ground and started to pray to any god that's out there. Her back was turned to the door this time so she couldn't see anyone, but familiar footsteps approached to her.

She looked up to see Hannibal with few bruises on her beautiful face, he left a relieved sigh, ''I was so worried Y/N...'' he knelt to free her hands and feet, they felt numb. Hannibal started to rub her hands quickly, ''Hannibal,'' he wasn't hearing her, ''Hannibal,'' she stopped her, looked with her dove eyes, ''I'm fine.''

''No,'' he lifted her chin to take a good look at her face, ''I should've tortured that man thing before killing her. How dare he?!'' he was actually talking to himself than talking to her but she didn't mind, she was happy that he came to rescue her... for once in her life she had someone who would choose her.

Hannibal lifted her and carried her outside, ''You'll be living with me from now on. Understood?'' he asked with a dominant tone, ''Yes Doctor.'' she said sarcastically and it made them both laugh.

She had a new home and someone to spend her life with.

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incorrect-riordanverse · 1 year ago

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finally reading tsats here are my live thoughts (spoilers, obviously):

i’m so excited because some pages are darkly decorated and its so cool. still don’t vibe with the title though (the sun IS a star and its peeving me)

why are we talking about dating darth vader 😟 where are we rn (anakin is a yes, but DARTH VADER???)

maybe i’m too old but the jokes are not funny 😭

“this whole place feels like my soul. empty and dark. dark as the pit of the underworld.” <- i don’t care if he’s joking nico would never say thissss 🙏😭 we’re only 10 pages in but please stop butchering my fav character he’s not himselffff i am cringing so bad

i know i’m being dramatic but if they do nico dirty in this book i’m going to end it all

oh my god i don’t think i’ve thought about the words “significant annoyance” in so long. bringing back good memories for sure.

i can tell which parts were written by riordan and which parts were written by oshiro. i don’t think their voices are blending very well together…

also, maybe it’s because it’s the start of the book and they’re trying to familiarise new readers quickly with the characters but it feels like they’re making nico the caricature of ‘emo and shadow and ebony darkness dementia raven way 🥀⛓️🖤’ and will the caricature of ‘happy and sunshine and blonde and flower gleam and glow ☀️🌈🫧’ and i usually like this dynamic when it’s not blatantly pointed out every other page. i have faith they’ll show more complexity than this later on though. future yan will let me know by the end. (future yan here, im not at the end but the characterisation def does get more complex thank gods)

oh ok so it is bob the titan

since when was nico’s actual name niccolo??? how did i forget this detail??

“you have to listen if not you’ll share my fate.” “ominous much?” <- ok he’s finally himself again guys it’s all good

the one-sided beef nico has with percy will never not be funny

“cookie monster appeared over the mouth of the jar, reached inside and gobbled up nico like the chocolate-chip cookie he was.” <- nevermind i’ve gone back to hating this book again

“what was one straight boy when you spent your whole life longing for the impossible?” <- i’m reminded of that time a few years back where everyone made ‘having an unrequited crush on percy’ nico’s whole fanon personality, so i’m glad they addressed this somewhat. this boy has been through so much and people really thought crushing on percy was the biggest thing to focus on about ‘nico angst.’

“we made a mistake. you have to fix it.” <- call me a red flag but if i was nico i would do anything and everything to not go. i would medicate myself so highly on sleeping pills that i can’t dream (doctor bf can go kick rocks). i would track percy and annabeth down and haul their asses into tartarus instead to do it. and if i had to go i would only go in to kill bob myself for sending me those traumatic ass nightmares. no thx. bro willingly jumped in himself and now wants me to save him. nuh uh.

not cupid being will 😭 its like his aphrodite 😭 i am not well.

they always have a really good and emotionally moving scene and they ruin it with a dumb joke. let it be heavy 👏👏

something’s really fishy and i have a feeling that it might not be bob calling for him

if this whole “grumpy ball of darkness” thing continues i will actually lose it

you can’t tell me the percabeth pep talk was actually needed. i will forgive it because i miss them though

im sensing tension in the gap between nico’s connection to the underworld and his relationship with will and i’m here for ittttt. give me the dramaaa

who is the gorgyra girl and why is she in their business sm?

oh shit a will solace pov??? christmas came early 🙏

nevermind that whole nightmare sequence was so fucked up 😭😭

somebody HELP HIM i never thought we would get will angst (nico angst fs, but will???)

DONT JUMP IN THE STYX PLEASE

SOMEBODY TELL HIM HE’S HELPFUL OMG

nico strangling epiales in his sleep is so fucking cool he’s literally HIM he’s literally THAT GUY

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yua-nism · 1 year ago

Note

I saw your tags and I’m now very intrigued like what do you mean yuhan has the SHORTEST TRAGIC BACKSTORY?!?! JUST WHAT IS GOING ON?? like granted I should have known a game about devil cat butlers would have some angst and tragic backstories but god damn 😭😭

there was a miscalculation on my part and yuuhan's is in fact, not the one with the shortest backstory! however that's only because the others have yet to have their backstories be revealed. sorry for the late answer btw, exams have made me pretty tired.

ok so ill briefly explain a bit. this ties in to the requirement to become a devil butler that is, having felt so much despair that one feels like dying. normal people will be swallowed up by the devils they contract with. the despair essentially acts like chains for the devil. so to talk about their pasts in the Briefest Way Possible (lie):

miyaji has beef with lucas on the surface but really it's because he still can't get over the fact that lucas decided to save him from the verge of death instead of someone else he thought was more capable than him while lucas simply chose to save miyaji because he had higher chances of living.

lucas was basically a child prodigy/genius. since young, he's always loved reading books, and even read thick books that even adults struggled to understand. even though he was lonely and had no one to talk to, he still endured it, skipped grades, and became a doctor at the age of 10+. at first he was looked down on for being young, but an older doctor stood up for him. eventually he became the leader of the doctors, but due to his lack of social skills, he struggled to communicate well, which resulted in the doctors hating him. in the end, all the doctors except lucas quit their job. and the group collapsed. (tbf id quit too... imagine being said you didn't work as hard as him and don't have as much brainpower compared to him as well)

ammon has only had his mom since birth and lived with her, selling flowers for a living. ammon would always make sure the flowers would be sold out at the end of the day for his sickly mother, but if he doesn't manage to sell all of them it's heavily implied his mom whips him like he does to himself even now. they were like super poor but ammon still loved his mom because he only had her

berrien has like this super mysterious past but rn it's starting to unravel in chapter 4. he's an orphan and got adopted into a church backed by the grovanas or whatever nobel family to nurture warriors who could fight angels, but surprisingly the church is actually full of love and was ran by someone who fighted angels named Goetia. berrien also met his soon-to-be older brother figure named Beren/Belen. btw all of the kids go by the last name Cliane because goetia wants everyone to become true family.

when berrien was 26 (Beren 29), goetia died from a chronic disease and Beren had to take on goetia's responsibilities. berrien became the one running the church, however shit happened, Beren got demonized, and berrien used his powers to keep Beren alive after forming a contract with his current devil. he's still residing in berrien's basement as of current, but in a coma. berrien still thinks he himself has no rights to be a butler and really does not believe that he's the one keeping the damn thing running

also the church got destroyed like 2400 years ago and yes berrien is 2000+ years old

haures was born into some wack ass family, his dad ran away with some other woman and his mom projected her rage and stuff like that onto haures, and his newborn younger sister Tricia. haures is 10 years older than Tricia. when he was that age, he ran away from home with Tricia (literal baby) because he no longer trusted his mom to take good care of them. after that, when haures was 18, he trained hard to become a soldier under the grovanas nobles so he could afford to let Tricia get treatment for her worsening vision. one heartbreaking scene was when haures showed off his red uniform to Tricia and she said the blue uniform looked good on him... but 5 years later, haures managed to get Tricia's eyes healed!!! surely nothing bad could happen!!!!

sike. haures caught one of the grovanas nobles illegally trafficking humans with some dealer, and arrested him. however that led to the seller getting revenge, and he decided to capture tricia. he stabbed her and threw her into the woods. when haures found her, she only managed to call out to haures before she died after a few breaths. haures was really really really devastated. he sought revenge on the noble, and while the noble didn't die, he was jailed 5 years for harming the noble (not death sentence because he was determined mentally unstable after losing Tricia.). after he got out of jail, he found the noble again and wanted to kill him, but he was reminded of how Tricia admired him for protecting the people and helping those in need, which stopped him. after that, he became a devil butler because of his proficient fighting skills.

lamli was forced to work at a circus by his mom at the age of 10, while starting up with simple duties, he decided to train to become a circus troupe performer so he'd earn more money for his complaining mother. its heavily implied he's abandoned by her and becomes a devil butler because of his nimble body. btw his mom said she never wanted to have lamli right in front of him. jesus.

fennesz was born into a wealthy happy family, and had an older sister. however his war general father lost a war against nobles, and the economy went into shambles. his mom remarried but even though their stepdad was nice, fennesz and his sister ended up strays on the street due to some reasons i forgot of. fennesz would get bullied by kids on the street because of his father's loss in the war, but his sister would always protect him, and they relied on each other for survival. she's very smart, as shown in the story. she also loves history, as she said, it can help people learn from the past. its heavily implied she is dead.

ok flure! flure grew up with his older sister and mother who both did ballet (can one of you have an actual dad for once?), and he also followed in their footsteps. however when he was a child he was bullied for liking stereotypical girly things, like playing with his sister's dolls, doing ballet and having long hair. even though he was laughed at for doing it, he still underwent strict training guided bg his sister and mother. he never found the courage to tell his sister or mom even though his sister could tell something was wrong (heard him crying at night). he still thinks he should be more courageous to this day and thinks he's pathetic. we don't know what happened to his family but they probably died.

i wanted to talk about boschi but i realized idk much about him apart from the fact that he only had his grandmother (who's actually a great caretaker for once!) and he was bullied for being a bookworm/nerd at school and had no friends. though he did actually beat those bullies up later for mocking his grandma when she wanted to take him back home. she didn't want boschi to fight but she said herself she was actually rooting for him when he was fighting LMAOOO love her for that

lono. ok so lono was really poor and had no parents, and he acted as the older brother for the younger kids living on the streets with him. he'd work as someone who'd clean up rubble from battling angels, which was a job that had unstable income since no one knows when angels are gonna appear. they were family basically. lono would rather starve than let his siblings eat less, and his love of cooking originated here because he loved seeing them happy from his cooking. we don't know what happened to them, but they're probably dead

nac was born into a rich family, and has a father, not sure if he has a mother, never mentioned at least. apparently the stein family was great at sales or trading or smth??? they're just some very rich and well-known name. however on his 12th birthday, his butler led him to the forest near the stein mansion, and revealed himself to be someone the stein family harmed. just as he was about to kill lil nac in shock, nac retaliated in defense. and when he realized, he already stabbed the man at his vital point. his dad appears out of nowhere and reveals that he knew this all along, and that the stein family is actually a long line of assassins with sales as their front personas. nac was trained to kill since then, and thought he'd never feel positive emotions again before he became a devil butler. he also has scars all around his body, probably from the assassin work he did.

lato and his non-blood related brother, Aleks I think? were kidnapped by people who wanted to train people to become angel fighters. however unlike berrien, this time it's just pure cruelness and literal torture. they were 8 when this experiment started. not only that, all the children were sold by their caretakers to this place, including lato and aleks' "mother", the head of their orphanage, who they deeply loved and believed in. when lato finally found a way to escape, almost half the children were dead.

and when he told the others, they told lato that they already gave up on escaping, including aleks. from, i suppose, all the suppressed anger and trauma, he burned the experiment facility down, leaving the other kids to die because he hallucinated that they wanted them to be burned so they could be free. after that, lato returned to the orphanage even though he knew the "mother" sold him in the first place. guess what the mother did! that's right she ran back into the orphanage when she saw him, locked the fucking door and told him to get the fuck away from her. and lato burned the orphanage down.

now onto the new butler trio!

teddy is the one with the most details in his backstory so far. when he was young, he Had a twin brother, and teddy was a far cry from who he is now. he was negative and gloomy compared to his brother, who was positive and talented, and people always favored teddy's brother more. but one day, his brother died protecting him from an angel, but since they were so alike people didn't know whether the one that died was teddy or his brother. and after grieving his brother, teddy decided to become him, and used his brother's name to live on as him so people wouldn't be sad, because "teddy" was the one that died. and that led to teddy forming his personality today. teddy is his actual name though, he started using it after he became a knight. he became a knight because he wanted to protect people from angels.

but during an attack by an intelligent angel, namely seraphim, one of the angels that appeared at the end of chapter 1 and also the major antagonist of the story, teddy's entire unit got killed. at the start of chapter 2.5, he recuperated in a hospital, however he kept terrible nightmares (reliving the massacre, and hearing the voices of his comrades asking him why he abandoned them and why he got to survive) and so didn't sleep at all. he eventually snuck out of the hospital to visit their graves, and then started wondering what the point of him still being alive is. he almost threw himself off a cliff before haures and aruji reached him.

hanamaru. ten years before the story, hanamaru was fleeing from something- he walked all the way from the east to the central, and collapsed in a forest. a nun found him and took him back to a church that doubled as an orphanage. however the nun soon fell ill and died, so hanamaru began taking care of the kids in the church after he was saved by her.

but 5 years later, the church was attacked by angels. he was away from the church when the attack happened, and when he came back, all he saw were angels flying away from the ruined church. only 4 kids survived. hanamaru had a breakdown, and kept kneeling and pressing his head against the ground, saying things like "i couldn't protect them", "i swear ill keep them safe next time", implying this is not the first time something like this has happened. he swore vengeance against the angels that day, that he would never forgive them, and himself. so berrien suspects that the 4 kids that survived were the people that kept hanamaru around. who knows what could've happened if they passed as well...

lastly (finally), yuuhan. at the age of 9, he trained to become a soldier of the sardeis family so he could protect his hometown, and made it after 3 years. he quickly rose up in the ranks, being a prodigy. in the main story, he started doubting his loyalty to the family after they attempted an assassination on the devil butlers. and he betrayed the sardeis family and fell into their trap when investigating forbidden records. he got thrown into jail by the head, and the head decided for his punishment, yuuhan's whole village and everyone he knew there will be burned and killed. he could only despair in jail. in the story, after his prison guard left after serving him food, yuuhan started crying. he called out to his father, his mother, everyone from his hometown, apologizing again and again, believing that it's his fault that they died.

after that, the head, fubuki, paid him a visit. fubuki beat yuuhan up, pushed him to the verge of death, but not grave enough injuries to die. yuuhan asked fubuki to kill him, but fubuki refused. he even says he'll force feed yuuhan till the day of his death execution if necessary. however, yuuhan was rescued by the butlers during his execution. (it took place in a forest with tigers. basically the death penalty is getting eaten by tigers) he became a devil butler after that.

holy shit. also im not typing Bastien's since you can read his backstory from the tls available here.

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kittycatlukey · 1 year ago

Text

“Let’s Keep This Between Us”

Note: Leon is your older brother’s best friend.

Leon Kennedy x Female Reader

Part 1 of 1

Tagging @alewesker ❤️

TW: Mentions of death, alcohol usage, language, NSFW situations (smut)‼️

You had walked into your older brother’s house to visit like you did every Friday after work. You were an RN that worked five days a week. Every Friday, you, your brother Parker, and his best friend Leon Kennedy would spend the evening at your sibling’s house, drinking, playing pool, video games, going swimming, watching baseball and whatnot. It was a great way to spend time with the two people that you cared most about in the world and helped you wind down after a long work week of saving patients.

Both your parents had died seven years ago in a car accident that was caused by a drunk driver. Even though when it happened you and your brother were considered young adults, you both were young and lost. But Leon helped you two along the way, never leaving you or your brother’s side. He was like family. Leon was your brother’s best friend since kindergarten, and that never changed. So you all have known each other your whole lives.

Shutting the front door and kicking off your shoes, leaving them by the front door, you heard a shout that belonged to Parker sounding from the living room.

“Ah shit! Grand slam by fucking Mike Trout!” He yelled in frustration, gripping his beer bottle tightly, his knuckles turning white. “The Reds are better than that! We’re down by THREE runs?! How the hell did that happen?!”

You rolled your eyes in annoyance, your headache slowly beginning to worsen, “Shut up, Parker. I love the Reds, but right now I don’t care. I’ve already had a rough fucking day. That’s enough of your damn screaming.” The living room could be seen upon entering the house. You could see Leon and Parker sitting beside each other watching the baseball game.

“What happened, Y/N?” Leon’s head turned around to look at you, asking with concern. “Are you okay?” He immediately stood up from the leather couch and made his way to you, worry evident in his icy blue orbs.

“You good, lil sis?” Parker questioned from the couch, his attention instantly focusing on you.

“I’m fine, but one of my patients wasn’t. He was just a kid. He… coded. The poor kid survived… barely. I— I had to do CPR until a few other nurses and doctors came in to help me. But we saved him.” You paused at some parts, tears threatening to fall down your face.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. Come here.” Leon spoke gently, enveloping you in a comforting, warm hug.

As your arms were wrapped around his abdomen, his arms were wrapped around your waist, the smell of him instantly traveling to your nose. Leon’s familiar, masculine cologne always seemed to soothe you. The tears were stinging your eyes but eventually went away. It was weird the calming effect Leon had on you, but it worked.

“You saved that kid, Y/N. I’m proud of you. I know that wasn’t easy to do.” Leon stated confidently, his low voice close to your ear sending shivers down your spine.

“Thank you, Leon… For always being here for me… Reassuring me. You’re a good friend.” You thanked him with a small smile after pulling away.

Leon’s pretty white teeth were formed in a bright smile as he spoke to you. “You don’t have to thank me for that, Y/N. I want to be there for you and Parker anytime you need me. You and him have always been there for me too.”

“Yeah, I agree with Leon.” Parker added, patting you on the back. “You’re a really good nurse, lil sis. That kid was lucky to have you there… It sounds like you need something to take your mind off of things. And I know just the thing. Wait here… I’ll be back with some stronger shit.” Parker slapped your arm playfully before he slipped on his shoes and car keys, leaving you and Leon alone.

“Wonder what your brother has in mind.” Leon laughed, shaking his head, resulting in his brown hair swaying cutely.

“No idea. But it’s probably not good.” You smirked while rolling your eyes. “My headache is slowly becoming worse. A few beers would’ve helped. I need something— anything— to take my mind off it. Right now. I can’t wait for him to get back. You got anymore beers left? I need to get drunk asap.” You rubbed your temples with your eyes closed, attempting to ease the throbbing pain.

“I have something in mind.” Leon spoke lowly, something foreign in his voice.

At his words, your eyes snapped open. The way his words left his mouth seductively, along with the huskiness of his voice. And all you could think was “Is he flirting with me?” You gulped at his sudden straightforwardness. It was odd. He had never spoken to you in that way before. And you’d be embarrassed to admit that it kind of turned you on. But then you wondered if it was all the alcohol talking.

“Leon, you’re just drunk. You’re not thinking clearly. We can watch the game until Parker comes back.” You tried to avoid his ocean eyes as you took his large hand in yours and led him to the living room to watch the Reds v. Angels game.

Leon chuckled at you. “No, I’m not drunk. I haven’t drank anything. I’m completely sober.” He admitted.

You raised an eyebrow realizing he was telling the truth. He wasn’t swaying or stumbling when he walked and he wasn’t slurring over his words. “Okay. So what’re you talking about?”

“I think you know exactly what I’m talking about, beautiful.” Leon said, his voice deep as he placed his hands on your hips.

“Leon, what’s gotten into you?” You questioned, a slight blush on your cheeks while your heart fluttered. “Are— are you…”

“Shhh. Let me make you feel good.” Leon grazed his lips over the side of your neck as you tensed up in anxiousness. “I’ve liked you for a really long time, Y/N. I think it’s about time you know.”

You gulped once again at his words. “Y-You have?”

Leon smirked against your neck, “Mmhmm. Let’s keep this between us. For now at least. I don’t want Parker to murder me.”

You nodded in response, knowing you wouldn’t be able to form a coherent answer. You had a crush on Leon for a long long time, and you never knew that he knew. You didn’t tell him and you didn’t tell your brother either. So you had no idea how he knew. You guessed you weren’t so subtle with your actions and the way you looked at him. But at that moment, that was at the back of your mind. All you wanted was Leon’s lips on yours.

You wondered where this newfound confidence had came from as you placed your hands on his cheeks and led his lips to yours. The kiss started off slow, passionate, and sweet, causing butterflies in your stomach. The way you felt at that moment was like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. Your past relationships have never given you this feeling before, and you believe that nobody could compare to the man in front of you.

As your lips moved in sync, Leon’s hands roamed your body. His hands were first on your cheeks but went down to your shoulders, then traveled to your chest, next to your waist, then your hips, then he started squeezing your ass. You squealed when he made contact with your bottom, causing him to chuckle in the kiss. Your tongues fought for dominance and his won before he pulled away reluctantly. Leon’s hands then went to the back of your thighs.

“Jump.”

You jumped and wrapped your legs around his waist as he secured you. Both of his hands lifting you up by your thighs. Your lips were on each other’s again while he carried you to the couch, laying you on your back. Leon was on top of you as his lips moved from your lips to your necks, leaving bruises behind.

“Way to go for being subtle.” You joked as he continued leaving hot, wet kisses on your neck, leaving behind hickeys already beginning to form.

“I can’t help myself, Y/N. Plus, Parker will be too drunk to notice.” Leon smiled slyly before taking off his shirt, showing off his muscular upper body.

“Damn. I could never get tired of seeing that.” You but your bottom lip, gazing at his body lustfully.

Leon grinned at that while he took his pants off throwing it across the room. “This body’s all yours… Now it’s your turn, princess.” He helped you take your scrubs off, along with your undergarments. And then you were completely at his mercy. “I could never get tired of seeing you like this. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

His words made you blush. “Leon, I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?” Leon asked, making sure you actually wanted him.

You nodded in response, “Yes, Leon. I need you.”

Leon’s eyes had darkened immediately at your words. “Your wish is my command.” He began to tug his boxers off, his dick springing out from the confined fabric.

He was bigger and thicker than you would’ve thought. Leon’s boxers were on the ground before you knew it. It was red and standing tall, intimidating you. It was definitely the largest you had been with. You wondered if it would even fit inside you.

“Hey, if you don’t want me, I understand.” Leon said, worry filling his eyes. His darker than normal orbs were boring into yours. “You can stop me right now. Anytime.”

“No. No. That’s the last thing I’d want… Leon, I want you so bad.” You admitted, almost pleadingly. “Do you want me?” You asked, worried about his answer.

“Of course I do.”

“What are you waiting on?” You questioned, and without any warning, his thumb went to your clit and you gasped at his touch. Leon was rubbing your bud in circular motions and you felt like you were on cloud nine already. And he inserted his middle finger, then his ring finger, following his index finger. “Oh fuck, Leon.” You moaned over and over again at his expertise.

“You’re so wet. All for me.” He continued to keep a quick pace with his skillful digits. And pretty soon, you came hard on his fingers. He rode out your high and pulled his digits out, licking and sucking his fingers clean. “Goddamn, you taste divine.”

And with that, Leon kissed you passionately, making you taste yourself. Once he pulled away, he jerked himself off a few times, leaking pre-cum on your stomach. “You ready, baby?”

You nodded, unsure if you’d be able to form any coherent words. He once again left you speechless.

With no hesitation, he entered you, and all you could see were stars. Leon grabbed your legs and laid them atop his shoulders so he had better access to you. Your eyes rolled back into your head in pleasure. “Leon, oh my god.”

“Love to fill you up.” He murmured as he first started at a slow pace and worked his way faster, making sure not to hurt you and to make sure your comfort and pleasure was at its peak. “Shit, you feel so good around my cock.”

Leon rammed into you over and over again as you moved your hips along with his. And soon ecstasy overcame you once again. You came harder than you ever came before and all you could see was white as your pussy convulsed around him. He grunted in pure bliss. You cumming on his cock made him cum deep inside you. And when he pulled out, some of his seed tried escaping but he shoved it all back inside you with his fingers.

“Fuck, that’s so hot, Y/N.” Leon groaned, as he laid on top of you, kissing your sweaty forehead. He was sweaty as well because his hair was sticking to his forehead and cheeks. “I’ve wanted to do this with you for so long.”

“So have I.” You told him truthfully as you raked your finger through his hair.

Time must’ve gotten away from the two of you because you heard the front door open…

~~~~~

This was my first time writing about Leon Kennedy. And I apologize, I’m not the best at writing, but I enjoy it. Please go easy on me, I haven’t written anything in a while lol. I hope you all enjoyed reading though! I really loved writing this. It’s made me realize how much I missed it. I wrote this for @alewesker ! We both love Leon so much. 😂

Much love,

kittycatlukey (Von)❤️

Written: 7 July 2023

Revised: 8 July 2023

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pastanest · 2 years ago

Text

A/N: just some fun headcannons I thought of for different regenerations of the Doctor with each other’s companions :)

Doctors With Each Other’s Companions

Ten x Clara Oswald

there is only one reason that these two could not spend more than the 50th anniversary special together: the bisexuals would’ve spontaneously combusted

no but fr

if they had one full conversation they’d flirt themselves into an outerspace hotel room in approximately 4 seconds

the tension is palpable

the HEIGHT DIFFERENCE? I have been found deceased in a sewer pipe

no but seriously a show with these two couldnt be PG

Eleven was all flustered and bumbling when Clara flirted with him but Ten?? OH, he is SMOOTH AS BUTTER WITH IT once he’s gotten a bit more accustomed to it

The Oncoming Rizz, if you will

Nine x Donna Noble

these two would probably never get anything done bc they’d be arguing all the time in an epic war to out-sass each other

and Donna would win every time

and Nine would never admit it

if there is ANYONE that could put any Doctor in their place, it’s Donna Girlboss Noble

imagine Nine yelling for Donna like Ten did too, iconic

I’m not sure Nine could cope with Donna for a whole series just in terms of keeping up with her but I think for however long they were travelling together, it would be the funniest pairing in Doctor Who history

Twelve x Martha Jones

first of all, the racism that Ten allowed Martha to experience when he made himself human and chose the time period they’d hide in?? Twelve would NEVER, we saw how he protected Bill!!

second, she would’ve been saved from heartache with this version of the Doctor

Twelve would actually appreciate Martha, in ways that the heartbroken Ten couldnt

the fact Martha is so smart and has such a vast medical knowledge? Twelve is ALL about it

he’d meet Einstein just to say “Martha Jones is smartest person in this room, after me.”

he has no regard for whether that’s technically accurate or not

Twelve has every faith that no matter the scenario, Martha Jones is smart enough to figure out a solution

very biased and does not care

Nine x Amelia Pond

now hear me out, this is an odd combo, but ENVISION IT

Amelia Pond would soften Nine like sun on snow, especially if they had the canon meeting of her and Eleven

he’s more inclined to be blunt, but I think Amy would become his exception in a similar way to Twelve x Clara

like Nine will go on a rant about how stupid the human race is, but then ends it with “-except for Amelia, obviously.”

he roasts Rory to no end, the two of them are the ears and the nose

River Song slaps Nine more than any other regeneration of the Doctor and that’s canon

and if it had been Nine in a Good Man Goes To War, let’s just say his name would no longer be…

Eleven x Rose Tyler

listen listen listen, I KNOW Rose already got two regenerations of the Doctor but it will never be enough for me Im such a whore for Rose’s dynamic with the Doctor I wont take any criticism goodnight

if her relationship with Ten continued with Eleven?? UMM

Rose would be jealous of River to begin with but they’d become besties in no time bc River has obviously heard all about her and is like “You stared into the heart of the Tardis? Slay x”

Eleven and his boyish antics, his bubbling excitement and ridiculous dress sense would have had Rose Tyler GIGGLING

also Eleven could charm anyone, including Jackie Tyler, it’s canon she thinks he’s utterly adorable and actually keeps a supply of jammy dodgers in the cupboard just in case they pop round

Twelve x Rose Tyler

SO CUTE

Rose and her daddy issues, fixed by the lovingly-grouchy grandad that is Twelve? HAND IT OVER RN

also the Scottish accent saying “Rose” would scratch the brain

similar to Twelve x Clara, except with the canon additions of Captain Jack and Mickey Smith

obviously, Captain Jack still tries to flirt with the Doctor and calls him a “silver fox” and Twelve is like >:( but internally he’s twirling his hair and kicking his feet

and he forgets Mickey’s name entirely

forgets he’s there, actually

“When was the last time he said something that showed a shred of intelligence? As far as I’m concerned, he’s a vaguely familiar pudding brain.”

#doctor who #10th doctor #tenth doctor #11th doctor #eleventh doctor #9th doctor #ninth doctor #12th doctor #twelfth doctor #imagine #imagines #headcannon #headcannons #rose tyler #clara oswald #donna noble #martha jones #amelia pond

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 1 month ago

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s4 episode 21 thoughts

this episode had me entirely TRANSFIXED. at no moment did i know what was going to happen next, and i badly wanted to learn!! rejoice: a skinner episode!!! where he is driven to desperation by how much he loves his agents! i truly do not think i could have asked for more!!

(okay, scully wasn't there, which is usually my number one priority... but hear me out: the episode was still SO good despite her absence, which is a testament to some HIGH QUALITY WRITING)

so!! back to my live report from approximately 24 hours ago, when i began my journey into this rollercoaster of an ep. take it away, past juni:

after last episode, i have gone through all of the emotions known to humankind. i am interested to see where we will go next, having ventured into those uncharted waters. perhaps these waters will be more… charted.

A SKINNER EPISODE!!! he’s framed for murder AGAIN??? he can’t keep being put in these circumstances bro 😭

why would skinner cover up a death caused by bees??? that seems pretty cut and dry. bees did it. nobody’s fault. unless they’re secret FBI bees the world isn’t supposed to know about…? obviously the doctor is going to say “yup, bees did it, not humans”, right?? i mean if someone dies of bee stings i assume it’s very obvious??? and that no murder charges would be filed?? because?? bees did it??

(author's note: lmao. what a fool i was)

skinner. i am ready to learn more about you.

we open at a place that ships packages. this woman (jane) needs a cigarette. her friend (later revealed to be named misty) is telling her to quit smoking. i’m not sure that is an effective strategy.

jane runs to the bathroom and is going to smoke in there??? not even outside??? what was going ON in the 90's!!!

but oh no! some bees emerge from the bathroom sink. MANY MANY MANY BEES. someone please call that lady on tiktok that scoops hives out with her hands while whispering into the camera “another great day of saving the beeeeeeees” (god i hope she’s doing well)

bee swarm of intense proportions is going on rn. can you buy bees at the store? is that what they did for filming this? order a bunch of bees at the bee store?? huh.

anyway, they’re approaching jane the cigarette lady very very quickly. they’re in the stall!!! she’s smacking at them!!

but cig lady’s friend misty is getting concerned. she goes to the bathroom to fetch her friend where she finds… an empty bathroom?? free of bees. with only a smoking cigarette on the floor and DEAD JANE COVERED IN BEE STINGS!!!!!!!

WHERE DID THE BEES GO MAN!!!

dang. those bee stings are gnarly. shoutout makeup team.

skinner is looking at jane's files. why does this interest you, skinner?? why is he deleting them?? probably because he does not consider insect related cases FBI matters

WAIT! HE WASN’T ON HIS COMPUTER…. HE WAS ON MULDER’S!!!

WHAT!!! (we need to give this reveal some space to sink in)

... he knows mulder's passwords……?

skinner. WHAT are you hiding!!! i used to hate him and then i sort of liked him and then i hated him and now i am affectionate towards him. we must not begin the cycle again!!!

well, now i’m invested.

intro time. and i'm still laughing about that tweet of scully serving three quarters profile in her badge pic

after so many shortened intros, this one felt long!!!

skinner is… leaving his house? he has a bookend that looks like an elephant. now what does that say about him… and a what looks like a buddha in the corner. IS this his house??? buddhist skinner confirmed?

he’s taking off a “do not enter” sign and going into the bathroom where the bee incident went down, armed with just a flashlight. and he finds the cigarette, which he flushes. he’s cleaning the bathroom floor with a portable vacuum!! WHAT DOES HE KNOW!!!!!!!

i’m literally soooo invested, i’m not even joking. his ass is on his hands and knees SCRUBBING. what has brought assistant director skinner to this forbidden janitorial work!?!

this is very dark though, screen wise. had to up the brightness.

he finds something oozing from the ceiling. and he sniffs it before wiping it away. gross. is it honey? weird neon honey?

now he’s picking the lock of the MORGUE!!!!!!! is he gonna steal jane’s body??!!!!!! bro what the HELL!!!!

someone in the coroner’s office hears a distant thud and almost finds him TAKING HER BODY!!!!!!!!! it seems he narrowly escaped!!! he hid around the corner and took jane with him…. to a very weird place. he’s climbing up a ladder. is it an incinerator?

bro, he must be strong as hell. anyway, he takes her body and places it in a fire.

my guess is that somehow she was contaminated with secret bee poison and he needs to make sure no one else gets sick from it????? by incinerating the body?? but that doesn’t do anything about the bees themselves??

he’s at the police station now, asking about jane. HE GIVES HIS NAME AS MULDER????? he has a fake badge and everything… omg do NOT get my boy in trouble!!

the policeman shows him a vial of blood from jane, which he replaces with a vial from his own pocket, and wipes the pen he took. ohhhh what is going on!!!!!!

so now he’s going back to his car with the blood. but someone runs out to see him!!! calling “agent mulder”!

it’s the detective who emailed the pictures to the REAL mulder!!! he somehow knows that mulder is part of the x files (which i feel shouldn't be information random people should know) but skinner is trying to say that nothing here warrants his involvement.

he is deeply suspicious. but someone is watching him!!!!!!!! who is this mystery fellow watching this go down????

skinner is get undressed at 3:55 AM. and it IS his house with the elephant and the buddha!!!

SKINNER FOLLOWS THE FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS AND THE EIGHTFOLD PATH, LET'S GOOOO 🔥🔥🔥

(that is a more interesting interpretation than him keeping a buddha around as decor, but hey, pick your headcanon as you please)

and who shows up but REAL MULDER!!!! AT 4 AM??? BRO WHAT IS HE DOING?? he should be on his couch!!!! sleeping!!

he has been trying to reach skinner…. OHHHH HE CLOCKED RIGHT AWAY THAT THERE IS A COVERUP!!!

and the detective was SHOT AND KILLED!!!!

(my friend called me at this point to tell me that liam payne died. this has absolutely no relevance on the episode, but it did lead to me pausing for a half hour to share this news with others. and it would feel inappropriate to not include it in the write up)

mulder knows someone forged his name at the lab and he just wants skinner’s help!!

NO!!! SCULLY IS IN THE HOSPITAL SO SHE CAN’T HELP…. HER DOCTOR SAYS HER TUMOR MIGHT BE METASTASIZING… NO NO NO not my poor sweet scully...

no scully this episode…. this is sad :(

skinner is doubly gagged…… maybe even triply gagged between the revelation of the detective being killed, mulder being onto him, and scully being in the hospital. he is flabbergasted, one might even say.

he’s going somewhere in very tight pants. someone tries to hit him with a car?!?

IT’S CSM!!!! and the guy from before who was watching the exchange with the detective go down!!!!!!

ohhhh skinner has GRABBED him by the collar and is yelling that he MURDERED him!!! but CSM says to keep his voice down

“i wouldn’t get too comfortable on your moral high ground, mr. skinner. this only happened because you left your job unfinished” <- hey WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??

(i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again… CSM’s voice is so soothing. tell me a story, scary man)

skinner says that he has followed CSM’s instructions…. and when skinner points out that the detective didn’t have to die, he says that he is “in no position to question the terms of our arrangement”

is this the deal he negotiated with to try and save scully???? and is it even working if she’s in the hospital right now??

he tries to say they have no arrangement and walk away, but CSM basically says well, i’ll have my bestie here kill you. and so skinner saunters off in his very tight pants, defeated.

he wakes up on the couch to a phone ringing. and it’s mulder saying that jane's body was stolen, and all the evidence has been cleaned. “slow down” “i’m sorry sir, but i can’t” <- his brain was in overdrive!!

mulder figured out the replacement blood wasn’t jane's because she has a different folate serum level and skinner seems to be cursing himself for such a mistake. a good catch on mulder's part.

he has one lead, and it’s the make of the gun. but skinner realizes something… his gun isn’t in his desk!!! WHAT!! NO NO NOOOOOO

he calls CSM and growls that “you can’t do this”……. he says that the man died so skinner could have what he wanted… what does that mean…

A CURE FOR AGENT SCULLY??????

WHAT!!!!

what does that have to do with the bees!!!

“if anything happens to her, i will expose you” <- OHHHH HE IS NOT MESSING AROUND!!! he said i'll get us both thrown in prison if you fuck with my agents!!!!

“i don’t care what happens to me” <- OHHHH MY GOD I’M RIPPING OFF MY SHIRT IN BIBLICAL LEVELS OF GRIEF. he loves her.

“agent scully stands to live a full and healthy life. i would hope the same for you, mr. skinner” <- no no no no no. please don’t kill him. please? for me?

(this made me picture a world without skinner and it was very sad. do not make me imagine this ever again. i won't stand for it)

this episode has me HOOKED!!!!!

back at the shipping warehouse, skinner is being led to the restroom. the bee incident only went down yesterday!!!! he finds more of the yellow goop… and says he needs a hammer

he’s beating the hell out of that wall and finds it filled with honeycomb!! but this is probably EVIL honeycomb, right?

why yes, of course. he brings some of the evil honey to someone in maryland with a very cool in-house lab. oh, to be a maryland scientist with an incredible laboratory in the home that i own, because homes were plentiful in those days.

would it help to know that this bee can kill people? “any kind of bee can be lethal” <- well that is not super helpful in this particular case. nor is this fact comforting.

when it seems all hope is lost, bee scientist man finds some royal jelly and a larvae!! so hopefully soon they will have some answers. and now i know what royal jelly is.

oh, turns out 6 months ago mulder called the same guy asking about killer bees… well, he is always up to such activity. he was probably also calling a marine biologist about the loch ness monster. he keeps those DMV area professors BUSY

(author's note: now knowing what this is referring to, i think it is so fascinating to place s4 within a timeline of 6 months!!!!)

skinner is going through the x files folders down in mulder's office. and why the hell does one say “foo fighters” in the background!!! has the FBI finally found what the foo that they are fighting is???

OH!!! he finds the pictures of the child clones working in the honey farm!!! from earlier!! i was wondering if we were ever going to revisit that!!

he sees covarrubias' number on there so he starts to call her… omg…

(i have never seen one of those big rolly things of contact lists before)

but just as he is about to call, mulder walks in!!! he has pictures of the parking lot from the night of the Event… pictures that show a very blurry skinner that he cannot recognize AS skinner, but he’s going to take them over to special photo department, and oh no. oh no.

mulder asks what skinner wanted to tell him and he scrambles to just say he wanted to check on his progress… and i cannot tell if mulder believes him or not

skinner calls covarrubias about the bees. and she has to tell him that there was no bee evidence at all. so skinner counters with: well what if *i* have the bees??? well, then that would change things.

covarrubias is really pretty. while i may not like that she basically became deep throat 3.0, she is very pretty

bee scientist comes home to find all the lights out!!!!! his lights are covered in bees!!! it seems they broke through!!! no no no no!!! they cover his windows!! and he is being swarmed…..

a terrible (or perhaps fitting) end for a man of bee science

mulder calls skinner down to show him the body of the bee scientist. and he had symptoms of SMALLPOX???? they put the smallpox in the BEES???? oh my god. new worst nightmare just dropped.

skinner wants to know how he contracted a disease that no longer exists, and yes, it did in fact come from the bees.

mulder thinks that someone is trying to revive the world’s deadliest disease!! oh my god!! how does this relate to the aliens???? i thought i knew at one point but now i don’t!!

skinner asks mulder to tell him what he finds when he goes over to the photo department…

back at the shipping warehouse, skinner is talking to misty, jane’s friend. she clearly knows something but isn’t saying it. jane was misty’s best friend. and they were trying to go on vacation together. </3

OH. THE MEN WHO CAME THERE SAID IF THEY TALKED TO ANYONE SHE WOULD LOSE HER JOB….. they wanted a package!!!!! a damaged package!!

and it was stored right next to the bathroom where jane was found?!!

shipping bees… package gets damaged… bees get loose… smallpox bees everywhere… very bad very bad…

luckily, she can look up the tracking number!!!

back at the photo lab, someone who is not pendrell but looks like him is working on the photo. and mulder says that it is very important to him.

oh, his sad sad face as he realizes who it is…. like somebody punched a baby in front of him.

back at the alien groupchat meeting!! (again i think they’re called the syndicate?? i googled something once and that came up)

CSM is showing them the last remaining bee, saying all others were destroyed. and the body has been sanitized. CSM tries to say it has been taken care of. but the others want answers on what went down.

“should we presume that the trial run is proceeding as planned?” “it’s already begun” <- HEY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN…… and why is the next shot KIDS ON A PLAYGROUND………… with a BEE BUZZING……….

kid gets stung by a bee…… as a ton of other kids ALSO get stung by bees!!!!!!! no!! not the kids!!!!

one kid trips and falls, and when the teacher tries to save him, she is swarmed!!!!!!! and the little kid has horrible marks all over him!!!! as do the other kids!!!!

skinner is here at this hospital to see what is going on… and he tells the doctor that the kids need to be treated for smallpox. this does not go over well with the doctor!!! he says that not only is smallpox no longer around, but it has an 8 day incubation period. well okay. i guess. things have changed.

covarrubias is here!! hold up is her name MARITA and i’ve been getting it wrong this whole time?! editing this post to refer to her by last name instead. i cannot tell if that is a subtitle error or the Truth. i’m sorry miss covarrubias. coh-vah-roo-bee-us.

she called asking about the contents of 7 packages sent to south carolina!!

“you’re a little late to do anything about it” “so are you, apparently” <- ohhh get his ass

she asks wtf is going on, and that she needs to tell the UN so don’t mess around. he hypothesizes that it’s an experiment using bees as carriers for disease. and when skinner says he hasn’t told mulder, she straight up asks if he’s involved OHHHH!! but he denies it.

she says he has to come forward…..

back home. he starts to dial a number but stops, pulling his gun (which is now back in his desk!) out

AND OHHHHH MY GOD MULDER IS HERE AT SKINNER'S PLACE. “PUT THE GUN DOWN AND MOVE AWAY FROM THE DESK” <-OHHHH NO. IT’S GOING DOWN.

ugh this is gonna be a two parter, isn’t it… i had a sneaking suspicion

(it actually wasn't. but you can't blame me there. it was looking pretty close)

OHHHHHHH MULDER WENT THERE…. “you’ve been working with the smoking man all along. you knew when they had my father killed, and you knew when they took scully” <- OHHH MY GOD. his rage is barely contained and he looks like a damn animal.

skinner points out that the lock in his desk was forced open, why would he force his own lock open? and that the police are probably on their way right now.

oh my gosh… i’m holding my breath… is mulder going to believe him? will skinner tell the truth?

“i advised you against a certain course of action some time ago concerning agent scully. i didn’t follow my own advice” <- oh my god........... the confession.............

he was willing to admit to making a deal with the devil for scully... does she know how loved she is...?

mulder gets quiet and says “give me the gun” <- WHAT IS HE THINKING?

someone is firing it into some water? i guess that is how you figure out what the murder weapon is. and the guy says he is absolutely certain this is it.

mulder says they find it in a sewer grate around the corner (but for a moment i fully believed he was going to say it was his). the expert guy breaks the news that unless forensics pulled a print, it’s untraceable because the serial number was cleared off.

skinner leaves at this news. he almost smiles, and i wondered if the expert was going to call him out on such odd behavior. and from there, he goes to meet CSM.

ohhhhh he has the gun to CSM's head!!! “agent scully is dying and you haven’t done a damn thing about it” <- HOLY SHIT!!! CSM’s smirking…. the right bastard

he claims that if skinner kills him, he’ll also kill scully… and that he had saved her life before when he had her returned to mulder.

“but you’ll never know if you pull the trigger, will you?” <- OHHHHHH MY GOD. is he bluffing or not!!!!! how would he have a way to cure her beyond letting one of the aliens he keeps on hold touch her???

SKINNER FIRES THREE SHOTS??????? DID HE SAY FUCK IT AND KILL HIM. IS THIS THE END OF CSM?????

NO. they were JUST behind his head. oh the tension was THICK.

message received. i hope. whoever is on the phone is asking about skinner, saying mulder will be contacting them soon.

it's covarrubias????? she says she’ll tell him what CSM wants her to tell him. WHAT!!!!!

“tell him what he wants to hear” <- HEY WHAT. IS HE GOING TO LIE AND SAY SCULLY IS OKAY????

thus concludes the episode.

I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS.

okay, first of all, covarrubias works for CSM. i feel silly for not picking up on that because we KNEW she works for the UN, famously the host of the alien groupchat parties, but i didn't even put it together at all. but just because she works for him doesn't really mean anything, because deep throat and x also nominally worked for him. to what extent is still unclear- maybe they did everything on his orders, stringing mulder along to keep him distracted from learning the truth- or maybe there were aspects of corruption they felt were "safe" to be exposed and lead him along the path for this deeper trap that CSM is laying for him. so we cannot make a covarrubias moral judgement just yet- but we also know we cannot trust her.

next. skinner loves his agents so much, dude. willing to kill AND die for scully to be okay... please think on this for a moment. and then think about it some more. how he told mulder to never make a deal with the devil, then did it himself even though he has so much to lose as the assistant director. and for the rest of his life he'll have to live with knowing he assisted in his murky and horrific plans, including infecting children with the world's deadliest diseases, because he could not stand to lose scully.

there are many kinds of love, some of which are complex and indescribable and cannot be inserted into conventional roles, and i think that is exactly what is going on here. the incalculable love for skinner and his agents.

okay. and mulder trusting skinner SO ABSOLUTELY. showing up at his apartment at 4 AM to ask for help. offering to take out the trash, and the constant updates he provided him on the case. the way his face FELL when he realized it was skinner in the photo. and how he came to believe that skinner knew about or was perhaps even behind the calls to kill his father and kidnap scully. how betrayed and horrified he was. how he must have recalled his mantra of "trust nobody", how he must have been kicking himself for falling into a false sense of security for a man who risked so much for them, but must have, in his mind, been luring him deeper and deeper into a trap. imagine all of that grief about scully being abducted and then getting sick and the loss of his father being placed at skinner's feet. mulder, who never for a second doubted that skinner was innocent in his earlier brush with the law. imagine how incredibly painful that "realization" would have been. and then how he wanted so badly to believe him, but after so many betrayals, it would take more than just a scratched desk for him to do so. but he does. god.

there is an addictive substance placed between the relationships of skinner to mulder and scully. something almost familiar. something almost entirely unspoken except for in a foundational and silent trust.

this episode was really, really good. probably my favorite of the season! i was trying to figure out what exactly was going on and why. it really raised the stakes for skinner, mulder, AND scully in a bunch of different directions: skinner being in CSM's pocket, covarrubias being in CSM's pocket, mulder believing her as she feeds him lies, scully's illness getting worse... whew!

more than anything i love to see the trust between characters tested and pulled, and their bonds put to the limits. so i am very pleased. i will likely be thinking of mulder's animalistic rage as he held the gun to skinner's face for a long, long time. and how skinner quietly admitted to doing what he told mulder not to. by jove. an excellent piece of television.

#shakes this episode up and down like a bottle of soda #I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS HERE.#skinner. the man that you are. the way that you love them. god.#an actual deal with the devil for scully's sake. i'll cry. she is so loved.#AGH i hope the last few episodes are as good as this one was!!#i've been complaining about how dark s4 is and this one was still dark but we got to see characters pushed to their limits #and their motivations and bonds explored which i love #it's felt a bit... trauma for trauma's sake so far this season. so having the pain tell us about the characters felt great.#and i'm invested. i want to know what happens next!!!!#juni's x files liveblog #the x files #txf

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