#I’m an English teacher and sometimes my students are like ‘my goal is to watch English shows without subtitles!’
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It’s very kind of people I speak other languages with to assume that my slow comprehension and endless requests for repetition are as a result of us not speaking my first language, when in reality, my auditory processing is just complete shit.
#linguistics#second language problems#I mean it’s definitely harder in my non-native languages to understand what people are saying#but it’s not fucking easy in my L1 either lmao#people are confused because I can see them thinking#‘oh they speak so well so surely they’re very proficient’#‘and yet they don’t understand what I’m saying?’#auditory processing disorder#auditory processing issues#adhd#neurodivergent#your local autistic linguist here!#*stares blankly at someone else speaking as I try to make my brain translate their mouth sounds into words*#I’m an English teacher and sometimes my students are like ‘my goal is to watch English shows without subtitles!’#and I’m like ‘babe *I* can’t even do that and it’s my native language’ XD
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Photo 1 scanned from 16 magazine.
Q: “Are you happy being a Monkee [?]” Peter: “‘Happy’ is a word with many definitions and connotations. It’s also relative. In some ways, I’m always happy. In others, I’ll never be happy. Actually that word is one of the many examples of the inadequacies or faults of the English language. Chinese, for instance, has some tremendous number of words for love, each describing the exact kind of love: mother love, friendship love, physical love, mental love, puppy love, married love, teacher-student love, animal love and on and on. But there’s no one word for love, encompassing all these meanings. Anyway, to get back to the question, sometimes I’m happy being a Monkee and sometimes I’m not. This is my fault. Well, not really fault, but because of the way I am, not because of the show or the other boys or the people we work with. Being a Monkee is not an end, but a means to another end. What end, I don’t know.” - Flip, August 1967
“I’ve always been a clown. I did comedy-variety shows and minstrel shows in high school and college. On the Village stages all you could do is throw out a few one-liners; basically you’re up there to sing and pass the basket. This opened up a whole new area that I hadn’t been able to explore so fully before. I was hoping to base further experience on that and eventually expand, but that didn’t happen, which was disappointing. But my goal was always to wend my way merrily through life, playing my little banjo and my little guitar and singing my songs.” - Peter Tork, When The Music Mattered (1984) (x)
“In earthly human terms, nothing comes from nothing. There’s a lovely lady who was my mom’s best friend for years, is still happily living in La Jolla. Went to visit her recently and she said, ‘You know, that way you are, that kind of funny, experimental, off-beat... you’ve been that way since — I knew you when you were two, you were like that.’ And, so, where does it come from? You know, I can’t say I generated that, I didn’t create that, I’m not — that’s not my doing, and yet, whatever it was that came to the table through me, I’m the canal. So I get to watch it go on, and the same is true of everybody and everything.” - Peter Tork, interviewed by Ken Mills, Zilch podcast no. 67, 2016
#Peter Tork#Tork quotes#40s Tork#60s Tork#10s Tork#<3#<333#long read#The Monkees#Monkees#thislovintime scans#screenshots#Virginia Thorkelson#1967#1984#2016#Flip Magazine#When The Music Mattered#Zilch Podcast#can you queue it
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Power Couple #7 (Severus Snape x Reader)
Heeeeeello again! I'm sorry it took so long again! I promiss I'll try harder to update the story faster 😅
Some reminders: english is not my native language, so expect errors and if you asked to be tagged but weren't, send me a message and I'll try to fix it on the upcoming chapters
Tagzzz: @lizlil @misselsbells06 @mitchiesdungeon @sleepiesapphicxoxo @severuslovebot
As soon as they left the room, Severus' mind started to race and he thought about what he would say and the awkward silence that would inevitably fall upon them while they walked towards the dungeons.
But again, as it always seemed to happen to his impressions about their interactions, he was wrong.
"It's so weird to talk to all of them without feeling judged or under evaluation…" Y/N commented.
"Your former teachers, you mean?" He asked, almost relieved by the fact that they had just so easily started a conversation.
"Yes! They seemed weirdly interested!"
"It happens whenever they see old students. It was like that with me, when I started teaching here, then with Lupin…"
"What do you mean by 'old', may I ask you?" She asked, pretending to be offended.
"I didn't mean… After all, I'm..." He turned to her as they reached the corridor that led to the potions' room.
"I know, Severus! I'm just teasing." Y/N laughed. Snape chuckled and shook his head.
As they were about to enter the classroom, they heard some hurried steps behind them and, right after that, someone calling for Y/N. Severus recognized Hermione's inquisitive tone without having to turn around. He rolled his eyes in annoyance before facing the girl.
"Sorry to bother, Y/N! And you too, Professor Snape…" Hermione hesitantly said. Y/N smiled at her and signalized for her to go on and Snape had to fight the urge to roll his eyes again. "But I wanted to ask you something! I was wondering if you had any recommendations on books about Defense Against the Dark Arts."
"Oh, I see!" Y/N said, impressed by the girl's attitude. "Since you're asking, I assume you covered all the titles recommended for the school year, am I right?" Hermione confirmed with a shy nod. "Okay, so I'm going to make some not-so-obvious recommendations, since it seems you already dominate the basics, is that ok?" Another nod. "I'd say you look for Confronting the Faceless…" At that Severus couldn't help but be impressed. "Quentin's bibliography is also really good, I think you probably have already read some of his books, but it's always a good choice and…I probably shouldn't…"
"Please do! I'd love any recommendation, really!" The girl asked.
"Alright. This will sound a bit unorthodox, but you're a clever witch!" Y/N stated and Hermione smiled proudly. "I'll recommend that you look for the Dark Arts basic theories and practices. Search for books like Secrets of the Darkest Art, Confringo Spellbok and Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed… That's a fair starting point, I believe." Y/N then looked intensely at the girl that seemed in shock. "Don't get me wrong! I'm only recommending this 'cause I believe in your good intentions and I know that you'll only get to read them if one of your Professors allow it. I know it sounds weird, but I have this theory that in order to fight something, you have to understand it first. Trust me, if you know how a spell works, it's easier to learn a counterspell, if you know the poison, you can make an antidote and so on!"
"I see! You're absolutely right! Thank you so much!" Hermione said, already looking forward to her next study sessions.
"Anytime!" Y/N smiled. "Just be a little critical with those readings and keep foccused on your actual goal, these books can be very persuasive sometimes…"
"Don't worry, I'll keep that in mind! Thanks again!" She was about to leave, but refrained herself. "Professor Snape, would you… write that permission for me?"
"I'll think about it, Miss Granger." He said with an eyebrow raised, but there was something in his tone that gave her some hope and she left with a smile.
"Did I just put you in an awkward situation?" Y/N asked, her tone and smile already asking for an apology.
"You mean making an insufferable teenager start bothering me about books? As if they didn't annoy me enough?" He asked sarcastically, which made her chuckle. Severus smiled at himself, almost proud of the fact that somehow - he didn't know exactly - he seemed to always make her laugh.
"My bad… But you can always refuse to let her read those books…" She said as they entered the room. "I mean… They are a bit disturbing, but…"
"I know… But I agree with everything you said to her… It's an unusual study approach, but it works. And if there's any student I would ever allow to read those kind of books at a young age, it would be Granger…" He said sitting at his desk to write the permission. "But you never heard me say it."
"My lips are sealed." She smiled at him, amused by the way he tried to appear cold and distant to his students when he actually cared about them. "So, those essays…" She started, leaning against the table, looking at his writing.
"Yes, I read them and got quite intrigued by that one with the brazilian herb…" He took a moment to process the fact that she was so nonchalantly standing really close to him. It wasn't exactly intimidating, but he felt his cheeks burning, so he decided not to look at her. "I actually did some experiments of my own…"
"Really?" She sounded impressed, which made him smile a bit and raise his head to see her amused face. "Can I see?"
Severus struggled with himself, debating if he would share his experiments with someone or keep them private, as he always did. He didn't know if he actually trusted the woman in front of him or if he just wanted to impress her, but he was inclined to show her his studies.
"You don't have to, though." Y/N was quick to say, seeing he wasn't sure about showing his work. "I mean…" But Severus didn't let her finish.
"Come." He said getting up, a smirk on his face as he led her to his private chambers behind the classroom. He held the door open for her and she entered his living room.
"So this is where a Hogwarts' Professor stays during the school year." She said taking a look around.
"A potion master, yes." He confirmed. "It was Slughorn's chambers before me."
"I see! It's nice! I mean… to have a house inside Hogwarts." She trailed off.
"It is, I guess…" He went to the kitchen and signalized for her to follow. With a wave of his hand he made the water in the tea kettle start to boil. "Fancy some tea?"
"Sure!" Y/N said, with a smile. Another wave of his hand and two cups of perfectly brewed tea were ready. "Okay, you gotta be kidding me, right? You're a potion master, so you make better tea than the rest of us, mere mortals, is that so? Are you an amazing cook as well? That's so cliché, Severus…"
Severus laughed lightly and opened the door to his personal lab, allowing her to enter before him. "I don't know about the cooking…"
"I don't believe you." She teased. "But that's a topic for some other time, let's see what you've been working on! I just have to remind you that I probably won't understand a single thing about your experiments."
"Now I don't believe you." He teased back and allowed himself a smirk, one that she couldn't see because his lips were hiding behind the cup of tea. Severus approached one of the cauldrons that was covered by a heavy cover. "I began by reproducing the author's recipe, which turned out quite well… The effects of the herb she mentioned really perform as she predicted. The calming draught that resulted is basically as effective as the original one." Snape explained as Y/N stepped closer to take a look at the potion. He observed her features as she seemed to really pay attention and for a moment or two, he forgot to continue. "But then I figured that, since this herb can replace a large number of ingredients, it meant that, there should be a way of making this potion stronger by the use of other supplementing elements." He then took the cover from three smaller cauldrons. "I've been able to manage some minor advances, but there are some ingredients missing in Hogwarts' storage."
"Really? Rare ones?" Y/N asked, still looking intensely at the potions, amazed by his progress.
"Some of them, yes. But mostly foreing insumes." Severus explained.
"Do you have a list? I could check the Ministry lab and storage and fetch you some of them, if they happen to be available there." She said looking up to face him, Snape raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Severus, the Ministry has more ingredients than we care to use. I'm sure no one will even notice some of them are missing. And even if they do, as head of the department, I'm in charge of the storage." She shrugged. "It's better that you use it than to let everything rot inside the aurors' cabinets."
"In that case, I can make a list and send it over to your office." Severus said. "Thank you."
"Oh, don't thank me!" Y/N tried to suppress a smile. "It's not like it's gonna be free of charges, you know…"
"No?" Somehow, he couldn't take her seriously.
"Definitely not." She took a sip from her tea. "You didn't think I would simply give you the ingredients, did you?" Y/N had this almost devious smirk playing at her lips as she watched Severus become more and more confused. "I mean, I have to see your list to know the actual price, but I'm guessing that at the very least, you're gonna have to buy me some drinks."
Snape almost choked on his tea. Was she really implying what he thought she was? Sooner that afternoon he was thinking about possible ways to ask her out and gave up on that idea because it seemed completely ridiculous and here she was, making it look like a joke.
"Is that so? That's how the Ministry charges for potions' supplies?" He managed to ask, trying with all his might to sound nonchalant.
"Hey, I don't make the rules…" She feigned innocence. "If you still want those ingredients, send me the list tomorrow and we can discuss the payment later." She shrugged again. "You know better, of course, but I'd say a dinner is a fair price considering you'll get to develop your researches."
"I'm sorry, did you say dinner?" He asked, already playing along. "I thought you said earlier it was just some drinks…" His sarcasm was finally being put to good use against her.
"I believe I said 'at least' some drinks. Who knows? Those ingredients can be really expensive sometimes…"
"Right…" Snape said, trying to keep the serious façade.
"Anyway… If you still want them, send me an owl with your list and I'll see what I can do." She said finishing her tea.
"I'll think about it…" Now he was just trying not to agree with going out with her right away.
"Of course you will." She chuckled. "I guess I'll leave you to your thoughts for the night then! It's getting late... Can I use your floo network?" Severus nodded and led the way to his living room.
"I'll send you the list tomorrow." Severus said as he watched her step into the fireplace.
"Good!" Y/N smiled at him. "Bye, Severus!" With that, she left his chambers in the green flames brought by the floo powder.
Severus stared at the empty fireplace for sometime, thinking about the nonsense of everything that happened.
For some reason, he didn't seem capable to stop smiling for the rest of the night.
#severus snape#severus snape imagine#snape#snape imagine#snape x reader#severus snape x reader#severus#severus x reader#professor snape#snape fanfiction
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Shinsetsu | Yaku Morisuke
✧:・゚ About this post ✧:・゚ ┊Fandom: Haikyuu ┊Pairings: Yaku Morisuke x reader ┊Post type: oneshot ┊Tags: fluff ┊ Word count: 1747 ┊Note: “shinsetsu” means kindness in Japanese
It wasn't a surprise, but you were surprised anyways. You’d known about it, yet you were surprised when it actually happened. Maybe it was because you hoped it wouldn’t happen. It wasn’t an uncommon thing either; it happened to lots of your friends. Maybe you just thought it wouldn’t happen to you, even though the possibility was very real.
When you heard you were moving to Japan, it wasn't a new subject for your family. The company your dad worked at had people move to work in one place for a while, then another for a few years. It wasn’t uncommon for a job like his, and you’d even moved before. Apparently, you were born in another state. You didn’t have many memories there. You then moved to Chicago after that, and then to New York City. Moving wasn’t a new experience for you, but it wasn’t really that easy every time, despite having moved so many times.
What makes a place special isn’t the place itself; it’s the people there- the people you meet and the people you greet. It’s the people experience that mattered really, when you go somewhere. It’s not just your family that is important to you- your neighbors, your friends, the old couple who you waved to on the way to school. It was the little things that really mattered, the things you’d miss when you couldn't do them anymore.
It was almost the end of the school year when they told you about this, and your dad got them to allow you to move during what would’ve been your summer break. He probably just wanted you to finish 11th grade, and it would be a waste if you had to repeat it due to not finishing back in the states. Sometimes it happened, though.
The school year in Japan was pretty different from the US. When it was the end of the year in America, Japan had started their’s a few months earlier. So, you weren’t that far behind in the school year. The only thing that set you back, really, was the language. You spoke English and some Japanese and a little Korean, which you learned from your friends who moved as much as you did. Some were from Korea, some from Japan, and they ended up going to a school you did at the same time, and they taught you some. Additionally, your parents had you study a little Japanese, as this was expected. You were no expert and could probably get some ideas across, but you were nowhere near fluent. Maybe you’d learn quicker once you actually moved there and were forced to talk to people. You heard they didn’t judge foreigners there too much as a society, so you expected the people to be nice there- at least somewhat.
When you first arrived, you had a bazillion questions. You knew your parents were busy too, with all the legal stuff, financial things, and other matters they had to take care of. So, Google became your new best friend. For the things Google couldn’t answer, like what the name of the school you were going to was, you saved them for lunch and dinner, when your family would eat together, except for your dad, since he still had his job, as it was the reason why he moved in the first place.
You were allowed to take a few days to get yourself situated; your parents knew that it was a lot different than the last few times you’d moved. It was a new country and a new language, and obviously, there wasn’t much your parents could do to help. Your dad could speak Japanese well enough, however he was busy due to work, and your mom wasn’t any better at the language than you, so you’d have to learn on your own.
A couple of days after you’d arrived, you took a look around town. It was a pretty nice place; there was a mall and the neighborhood was pretty clean. Google maps and Google translate were your new best friends. Reading was difficult; the written language was entirely different than English.
You wanted to buy something sweet to eat, however you weren’t confident in your Japanese at all. What if the clerk couldn’t understand you? You knew there were tourists who could communicate and buy things- and this was the Tokyo area- and they probably learned a bit of English. You could point too, that would work. You knew that, but it would just be a red flag, calling out, “I’m a foreigner. You’re probably going to struggle to communicate with me.”
You went to order it anyways. After all, doing was the best way to learn. You joined the line and waited for your turn. No one paid much special attention to you, and that was kind of reassuring. At least you didn’t stick out like a sore thumb. You expected that it wouldn’t go as smooth as everyone else. After all, they were fluent in the language, and you knew you weren’t. However, it did make people look up from their phones. You struggled to read something, though you had practiced saying it in your head a little while on line. You were unsure of what it said.
“This one, right?” you heard the guy behind you say. He said it slowly enough for you to understand, and it took a few moments for you to process.
“Ah, yes,” you replied. The cashier took note of it, and they got on with your order. It tasted better than you expected.
It was a Monday when you started school. You were going to Nekoma High, and you were going to be a third year. You knew everyone had their own friend groups, and you figured you were going to have to find one to join till graduation. Well, the first step was getting into the school. As you walked in, you took note of your surroundings; they were quite different from your school in America. They actually looked kind of like a school from anime, which you sometimes watched in your free time.
You figured you were going to get through the day by setting small goals. First goal was to get to your shoe locker and change your shoes from outside shoes to inside shoes. You’d set up your shoe locker when you toured the school.
“3147, 3147…” you said to yourself, looking through the numbers to find your locker. You opened it and changed your shoes. First goal, accomplished.
You then made your way to your classroom, which took a bit of walking, but you were able to arrive before the bell rang. You had English first period, which was reassuring, since you’d be able to talk to your teacher in English. It was just much easier to speak English.
When you looked around the classroom, you saw the guy who helped you out at the store with your order. It was kind of odd that you were in the same class.
“Okay, quiet down. We have a new student here today, (L/N) (F/N). Be nice, she’s from America, so she isn’t used to speaking Japanese all the time.” the teacher introduced you to the class, and you got up from your seat to introduce yourself.
“Uh, hi, I’m (L/N) (F/N), nice to meet you,” you bowed and sat back down in your seat. You heard that was what people did there, and no one looked like they judged you, so you figured you did fine.
The teacher then went to teach her lesson. It was grammar, and it wasn’t hard for you. Some of the things came naturally, and you were glad you got at least one class that wouldn’t be much of a problem for you this year. Maybe the teachers would give you some slack, knowing that you didn’t really speak Japanese- they better.
When class ended, you were the center of attention. Well, you couldn’t really blame them; it probably wasn't every day that they got a new student from abroad. Though they could really tone it down- like really. They spoke so fast you couldn’t understand what they were saying and definitely didn’t have any time to process anything.
“(F/N)!” the same guy you’d met before called out to you. “I’m Yaku, Yaku Morisuke! Want me to take you to your next class?”
It took you a moment to process that, and you agreed to it.
“Hey, (Y/N), wanna visit my club?” Yaku asked, with a smile on his face. You’d been at the school for a little big now, and you were surviving- well, barely, but you were surviving.
“Mhm, sure,” you replied. After all, there couldn’t be much to lose right? If they expected you to know how to speak Japanese fluently by this time, then they were jerks and didn’t know your attention. Though, with the way Yaku talked about them, you were pretty sure that wouldn’t happen.
“Uh, hi-” you said as you walked in.
“Hey, guys, I brought (Y/N) here with me today. Be nice,” Yaku introduced you. It seemed your name was known around the school. You figured so, since you were new.
“Oooh, hey, how are you liking it here? I’m Kuroo Tetsurou,” the one with the messy hair greeted you.
“Oh yeah, it’s nice here. The people here are really nice,” you responded, without catching yourself looking in Yaku’s direction for some kind of validation. He sent you a small smile in return. He then went to introduce everyone which you responded with small “hi”s and “hello”s. They were a pretty chill team, and that was really cool. You had to use Google translate a couple of times, but that was okay.
You watched them practice, and it was definitely something new to see. You hadn’t been on a sports team back in America, and it was interesting to see. After practice, Yaku offered to walk you home, and you accepted. Yaku was really easy to talk to, and it was really nice how his home was close to yours.
When you arrived home, you were about to wave him goodbye and thanks, when you were embraced with a warm hug. You hugged back, not knowing what else to do.
You didn’t notice it, but there was just a little bit of a blush on his face- perhaps that meant something...
Note: This oneshot is part of my Promise series! Find the masterlist here.
◈⋅ Taglist: @nachotrash @kadoui @oni-girx
Join the taglist for this series here! If you’d like to join my general taglist, here’s the link to it.
Reblogs are greatly appreciated as well! <3
#yaku x reader#haikyuu x reader#yaku morisuke#yaku fluff#haikyuu fluff#yaku x you#yaku x y/n#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu oneshot#yaku oneshot#yaku fic#yaku imagines#haikyuu fic#haikyuu imagines#nekoma#hq x reader#hq x y/n#hq x you
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Done Wondering
Jock!Tom Holland x Female!Reader
Highschool AU
@danicarosaline requested: Hi pretty!! i saw your requests are open so may i please request a jock Tom x reader! Tom is a big softy and the captain of his football team and reader is a tough ‘not taking shits from anybody’ type of person? Like Tom gets in an argument with a team mate and he’s being all nice and calm about it but reader thinks his team mate deserves a good punch in the face so she punches him and it shocks the entire team and Tom himself even though he expected it!!
Warnings: F L U F F, not sure that the football talk is 100% accurate, all I know about American football is that Tom Brady's a quarterback, their jerseys are cool and apparently I'm supposed to cheer for the Pats? (yeah, that's my dad's fault), B99 references (i fucking love that show), cursing, a bit of violence ig
Word Count: 2.3k words (why can i not write short things?)
Estimated Reading Time: 9 minutes
A/N: so sorry it took so long to get this out! also, i got waaaaaay to invested in this... oopsie
Masterlist
You ran across the field as people all around you celebrated with only one goal in mind: kiss your boyfriend.
You and Tom had been dating for almost seven months now, to many people's surprise. The entire school thought you'd be together for a week tops, but you surpassed all their expectations by becoming the longest standing couple in junior year (not that it was hard, high schoolers change partners like discardable gloves).
Tom was one of Sunset High's best and brightest, loved by the teachers, captain of the football team, and the object of many's affection.
You, however, were nothing like that. You hated sports (everyone knows art's better anyway), social interactions were your personal little slice of hell, and everyone was too scared to approach you since you threatened to gut Charles after he accidentally forgot to give you back your pencil.
All in all, there was no way you two could stay together.
There was no way you could even make a friendship work, let alone a romantic relationship.
But then there was that fateful summer night...
Your mind ran at a thousand miles an hour as you rocked in the park's nest swing. The stars looming over you were the only thing keeping you from spiraling, and after an hour of watching them, the peace in your mind was crumbling.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."
You sat up on the swing and looked to your right where stood a sheepish-looking Tom.
"It's okay, I should probably leave anyway..."
"No! I mean, it's okay, you were here first I didn't mean to disturb you."
You cast your eyes down until he spoke again.
"You go to my school, right? (Y/n)? We were in the same English class in freshman year."
"Yeah, I think so... I'm surprised you remember me, we didn't have any classes together last year..."
He huffed out a laugh and leaned against the support beam, hands in his pockets.
"It's kinda hard to forget someone like you. You stood up to the teacher on the first day after he yelled at a kid and spent the next year having actual coherent debates about the books that most of the class never even read, let alone understood. You're kind of amazing."
You ducked your head once more to try to cover the blush on your cheeks, biting your lip.
"Thanks."
He nodded and took a deep breath, then sat in front of you and pushed so the swing was rocking softly, always catching it before it hit his face.
You giggled a bit and sat criss-cross applesauce, back straight, your mother's words permanently etched into your brain.
"So, what are you doing alone in the town's most secluded park at midnight?"
"Oh, you know, questioning my life choices, freaking out because in three weeks we're going back to school while simultaneously feeling stir crazy after having nothing cool to do all summer, regretting ever being born, the usual. What about you?"
"Getting crushed by everyone's expectations, feeling constricted cause I have to set a good example for my little brothers, freaking out cause I have no idea what I want to do with my life, the usual."
A comfortable silence settled between you.
"Do our lives really suck or is it just the teenagers in us that dramatize everything?"
He huffed out a laugh.
"I don't know, tell me your story and I'll let you know."
You scooched to the side and patted the now empty spot on the too-small swing so he could lay down next to you. Looking at the stars seemed like a better idea than looking at him.
"I never really liked school, people are jerks, cafeteria food is disgusting at best, I have no friends -not that I care about that, I'm better off alone. Still, it's better than being home. When my father isn't working in his study, he's berating me about getting better grades, even though I'm a straight-A student, not that he cares enough to actually know that. My mother's usually either gossiping with her other rich friends or telling me to correct my posture, dress better, act like a lady, it's infuriating...
"My older brother, the only person in that family that I genuinely like, left for MIT today, so I guess I'm just now realizing that I'm really... alone. I'll have to suffer through my father's lectures about getting high grades and act like someone I'm not so my mother doesn't take away everything I love until I "learn to act like a respectable woman". Jake used to get them to lay off me, but now he's not here. Sometimes I wonder why they even adopted me if I'm such a bad daughter. It just sucks."
You felt his hand twitch next to yours and his eyes on your face.
"Your turn."
He took a shuddering breath before speaking.
"My parents are amazing, they really are, they only want what's best for me, but sometimes it's a little much. They constantly remind me of going to training, doing my homework, studying for tests, and even though they always say it's okay, I see the disappointment in their eyes when my grades lower even by a single point.
"My little brothers look up to me a lot, and they're always telling me how much they want to be just like me when they grow up. I know they mean it in the best possible way, but it's just that much more pressure. I just... feel the need to always be the best at everything. The best football player, the best captain, the best student, the kindest person in that school, most helpful... it's all a bit much."
This time, it was you who were looking at his profile while he gazed at the stars.
"It's okay to feel overwhelmed, Tom. It doesn't matter that they have the best intentions, they're still putting too much pressure on you and you deserve the chance to relax."
He turned towards you and for the first time that night, you realized just how close you were.
"You're not a bad daughter just because you have different interests. I, for one, think you are a strong and independent woman who doesn't need to change because of some mere peasants. You're a queen... You deserve someone that'll treat you as one."
Your breath caught in your throat as you locked eyes with him.
"Wanna make a deal?"
You nodded tentatively, though at this point you'd probably agree to murder someone as long as he kept looking at you that way.
"I'll be your friend, give you something to do whenever you need it, save you from your asshole parents and remind you of just how awesome you are every day..."
"And in return?"
"And in return, you'll say stuff like what you said before when I get too stuck in my head, save me from my so-called friends when they're being jerks, and come to every practice with me so you have something to do and I have someone to make silly faces at."
"I'm pretty sure there are a thousand girls in that school that would kill to have you make silly faces at them."
"Maybe so, but they aren't you. A lock of your hair is worth more than all of them combined."
You bit your lip and smiled.
"Okay."
"Cool."
"Cool."
He pecked you softly on the lips before he lost his nerve, quick and fleeting, feather-light but strong enough to leave fires in its wake. You pulled him back and gave him a slightly longer kiss before setting your head on his shoulder and going back to stargazing, now with someone to keep you company.
Three weeks later, you walked into school hand in hand and haven't let go since.
"Tommy!"
You jumped into his arms, ignoring the smell of sweat and how it would probably cling to your clothes.
"You did so good baby!"
He kissed you straight on the lips, not minding his teammate's wolf-whistles, having grown used to them already.
"I had a pretty good motivation."
"Oh?"
"Mm-hm, my girl told me she'd bake me cookies if I won this match, and I really like her cookies."
"Sounds like you have a great girlfriend."
"The best."
You kissed him again and he smiled when he felt the fabric of his spare jersey adorning your figure.
"Yo, Holland!"
You forced apart by Teddy's call, one of the newer players. Since you went to every single practice, you knew that Teddy was being an ass lately, always wanting the glory, never passing the ball to his teammates. If it weren't for Tom's skill as captain of the team, he would've cost them most matches, including this one.
"Why didn't you pass me the ball?"
"Pardon?"
"That last play, I was free and you passed the ball to Harrison even though he almost lost it. You should have passed it to me, we almost lost because you want to make your useless bestie feel included!"
"Johnson was closing in on you, if I'd passed it to you, we would have lost for sure. Passing it to Harrison bought me the time I needed to get out of danger. It was purely strategical, you would know that if you paid attention to your teammates instead of playing all on your own. Haz is an amazing player and I don't treat him differently just because he's my best friend. I'd like you to apologize to him, please, it's not kind to insult your teammates."
You admired the fact that he managed to remain calm and collected throughout the whole conversation, looking like the embodiment of 'I'm not mad, I'm disappointed'. You, however, were not having such an easy time keeping your cool, hands firmly clenched at your side.
"The hell it was! You just feel threatened by me because you'll never be as good as me, so you never pass me the ball, it's ridiculous!"
"Okay, buddy, you need to back the hell off and close your mouth before I punch it shut."
His eyes flickered to you and he rose a brow mockingly.
"Oh, your little slut's standing up for you know? I always knew you were a chicken, guess my theory's been pro-"
You cut him off with a punch to the nose, smiling when you heard the satisfying crack of his bones and his howls of pain.
A collective 'ooh' came from the crowd, and they took a few steps back (excluding Tom of course, who was only looking at you with wide eyes).
"What the fuck?"
"I warned you, didn't I?"
You smirked evilly as Teddy was pulled away by the coach to check his injury.
"You're a bitch!"
"Baddest of them all, sweetheart. Have a fun time at the hospital!"
The whole crowd had gone silent by the time you turned back around, seemingly satisfied with your vengeance.
"What?"
You tilted your head in confusion at the awestruck looks on the team's faces.
"You broke his nose!"
"Uh-huh."
"With just your hand."
"Uh-huh."
"Since when are you so violent?"
You were actually kind of offended at that.
"I know that I bring you guys snacks after practice, but do none of you hear when I threaten other people? It's a daily occurrence."
The rubbed their necks sheepishly.
"Well, you see..."
Haz started, seemingly measuring his words.
"You're kind of like Rosa from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. No one actually knows what you're capable of, no one thinks you'd actually kill someone, but we're also kind of too scared to test you, so we just... wonder."
"Well, when you're done wondering, go take a shower so we can go celebrate, I'm hungry."
They all scrambled away in a chorus of 'yes ma'am' before you turned back to Tom with a smile on your face.
"You didn't have to punch him, you know?"
"Yeah, but I've been wanting to for weeks now."
He huffed out a laugh and kissed your forehead.
"How're your knuckles?"
"A bit sore, but I'm pretty sure that if we put some ice it'll be good, the rings took most of the impact."
You wiggled your hand, showing off the array of rings covering your fingers in what you deemed to be an aesthetically pleasing way.
"I love you, babygirl."
You kissed him, smiling into his lips.
"I love you too. Now go, shower!"
You patted his butt and laughed at the look he threw you, standing next to the field while you waited for them to get out.
Their coach came to stand next to you and you smiled at him, having taken a liking for him. He was a good teacher and treated the team well.
"Coach Jeffords."
"(Y/n)."
"What's the verdict?"
"Nurse says it's broken but we'll only know the full extent of his injuries after he gets examined at the ER. He's on his way there as we speak."
You nodded.
"You'll be pleased to know that he's been taken off the team and suspended for a week for unruly behavior. His parents aren't going to press charges since they feel it's deserved."
You smirked evilly.
"I'd advise you to watch out for Pembroke. He's starting to become a nuisance. If he keeps it up, he might be next."
He nodded, fighting back his smile even though you knew damn well he agreed.
"I'll do my best."
"And I'll do mine."
"(Y/n)! Ready to go?"
You nodded in goodbye at the coach and walked over to a freshly showered Tom, interlacing your fingers.
"Always."
«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»
Taglists: (if your name is striked through it means for some reason tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you)
PERMA TAG
@jeezkiddo @beananacake @yoinkyourheart @averyfosterthoughts @onebigolemess @samoney69 @agirlwithpointlessideas @ddaawwssoonn @inhumanwithpowers @imagineshere-forall @stiles-banshees @orowit @spideynut @deathofmissjackson @ephemeral-limerences @write-from-the-heart @cardboard-ben @my-alignment-is-bisexual @mendes-marvel @shawnsnovel @inthecornerchair @lovelynerdytraveler @niallssweetheart22
ACTORS/RPF TAG
@bubblegumbarnes @sofiaconlaz
TOM HOLLAND TAG
@tomsirishgirlx @dreaming-lia @markleehee @juliebean247 @gypsystuf @quechulitaaa @theoretical-theo @bubblegumbarnes @sofiaconlaz @underooling @hannahholland1811 @bellaaa321-blog @parkerpetertingle @emily-louise-hynes @clara-licht @ekelly2015 @inlovewithmobtom @quaksonhehe @danicarosaline @arts-ismything @peachyafshawn @tutuabby28 @sovereignparker @tokhalaxoxo @cathwritestragediesnotsins @incorrect-things
#tom holland x reader#tom holland imagine#tom holland fluff#tom holland#jock!tom#jock!tom x reader#high school#high school au#mcu#avengers#marvel#mcu spiderman#peter parker x reader#peter parker#peter parker imagine#peter parker fluff#harrison osterfield#haz osterfield#fluff
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Congrats to @tinydragontoons for completing all 31 days of Dannymay 2020! You did a fantastic job and we hope you enjoyed the challenge!
This fic was written by @lexosaurus based on your art for Day 20: Sky
---*---
Danny wasn’t a good student.
He tried—he tried so hard—but he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t get his assignments done, he didn’t know how to begin studying for an exam, he didn’t know how to ask his teachers for help because he didn’t understand what he did or didn’t know about each class and he didn’t want to bother his teachers anyways it was his fault he was in this position, it would only annoy his teachers if he came crying to them for his mistakes.
He wasn’t a good student.
---
“Don’t you care about your future?” Mr. Lancer’s eyes bore into his. “Don’t you want to work for NASA?”
Danny shrugged.
Shrug and evade. That was his tactic.
“My grades aren’t good enough for NASA.”
“Maybe not right now, but they could be.”
Danny glared at the ground. The tiles were dirty. They likely were once white, but now they just looked grey.
“I’m not Jazz. I can’t just will my grades higher.”
“I never asked you to be Jazz, Daniel.”
Danny shook his head, frustration pooling throughout his body. Didn’t Mr. Lancer understand? It didn’t matter what he did, he would never be able to work for NASA. He wasn’t smart enough. He wasn’t Jazz.
Danny knew what true intelligence was. Hell, between his mom’s PhD, his dad’s ability to create anything out of a pile of scraps, and Jazz’s perfect grades, he knew firsthand what geniuses looked like.
And he knew he wasn’t one of them.
---
“You going out tonight, Danny?” Jazz said from his doorway, snapping him out of his thoughts.
Danny turned around, away from his zipped backpack filled with incomplete assignments and failed exams, and said, “It’s a full moon.”
He stared down at his gloved hand, watching as the glow shimmered around his body. It had been a year since the accident, but he still didn’t know what the hell he was.
“You want some company?” Jazz asked.
“Maybe tomorrow.”
Probably not. He knew Jazz was worried about him, she was only trying to help, blah blah blah, but how was she supposed to help him if he didn’t even know what he needed help with? He wasn’t a good student, he wasn’t human, and if Vlad was right, he had managed to make the entirety of Amity Park his haunt. Would he even be able to leave this city if he tried?
“Alright, I’ll be in my room if you need me.”
He didn’t respond, instead listening for the soft click signaling his safety from the prying eyes of the rest of his family. He knew she was only trying to help, but she was intelligent like their parents. She had friends, she wasn’t bullied, she was human, and she’d never struggled on a single exam in her life. How the hell was she supposed to help him when they were just so different?
Ignoring his untouched backpack one more time—he could deal with those assignments tomorrow in detention—he pulled on his core and shot through the wall like a rocket.
---
“Care to explain, Mr. Fenton?” Mr. Lancer peered at Danny over his manila folder.
Danny sighed and fell into his seat. Another day, another detention for tardiness and missing homework.
“I don’t know.”
“Mr. Fenton…” Mr. Lancer started, but Danny realized that he didn’t want to hear that stupid speech again. He was sick of it.
“I get it, I suck at school, you’re disappointed in me, I need to apply myself more and then I’ll be fine. I know the drill already.”
“Daniel, that’s not what I was going to say.”
---
The cool, spring air brushed against his skin, cloaking his body like a blanket as he dove into the empty sky. He twisted up, pushing his body higher and higher into the night sky.
Danny flipped on his back. The stars were bright tonight, and Danny could see all the constellations draped across the sky like a painting. Star patterns like Sagittarius and Capricorn painted his vision, and he scanned the constellations for their planets, Jupiter and Saturn. Not for the first time, he wished he had a telescope to see Saturn’s rings. It was, without a doubt, his favorite planet.
But nothing compared to the moon.
It was huge, bigger than normal, and it illuminated the Earth with a soft glow not unlike the aura that surrounded Phantom’s body. It was stunning and majestic and everything Danny needed to ease the stress that was crowding his mind.
It was perfect.
He glided along the air like he was in a lazy river, his tension melting away and falling to the ground below him.
Sometimes, Danny wished he had never stepped foot in that portal. Sometimes he just wanted to be an average teen again with average problems and an average home life. But not right now.
In this moment, Danny wouldn’t have had it any other way.
---
“Mr. Fenton, may I ask you something?”
Danny paused, his pencil freezing in the air. So far, this detention had been dressed in silence. It had been a rare afternoon where he didn’t feel choked by exhaustion, and he was actually able to focus on completing his missing English essay.
“Okay, shoot.”
“When you look into your future, what do you see?”
He set his pencil down. “I don’t know.”
And that was the truth. He didn’t know because he was Danny Fenton, a below-average teenager with below-average grades. How was he supposed to know what his future held?
“I see a bright young man who’s slowly but surely figured out where he wants to be. He’s had to struggle to get to this point a bit more than his peers, but he’s reached his goals and is living his life the way he wants to.”
He stared at his paper, his brows furrowing. There was no way Mr. Lancer could have seen all that. He must have been lying. He had to have been lying.
Danny wasn’t...he wasn’t…
---
He landed on the sign. ‘Now Leaving Amity Park,’ it read.
Looking up, he could see the moon in all its glory. It lit up the sky, highlighting all the stars around it with its twinkling glow.
A bright light flashed along the stars. It lit up, traveling across the sky with an otherworldly speed, before disappearing into the darkness of night.
Danny felt a grin creep along his lips. That was a meteor, no doubt. He closed his eyes and made a wish.
One day he was going to leave Amity Park. He was going to go out on his own, find his own path, and become his own person outside of everything that tied him down here. And then he would be able to return, head held high, and tell Mr. Lancer and his parents and everyone else in his life, “Look! I did it.”
He opened his eyes and stared up at the stars once again. If he reached out, it was almost as if he could touch the moon.
Danny wasn’t a good student, but he still tried. And one day, he was going to try and succeed.
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Luca Marinelli: "Without growing you get lost"
When director Pietro Marcello asked him to play Martin Eden in his film in competition at Venice, Luca Marinelli was moved. "Many things have changed in recent years, maybe me as well"
From written words to moving images: «When you make a film based on a book, the book, at a certain point, tends to overlap. You no longer know what the novel is and what the screenplay is. Today I remember the end of Jack London's Martin Eden: that poignant conclusion, with him in the cabin reading that poem and deciding about his life».
Luca Marinelli, star of Pietro Marcello's Martin Eden, in competition at the next Venice International Film Festival and in theatre from September 4th with 01 Distribution, brings together memories and emotions, and gives them a precise order: everything starts from there, from the novel by the American writer.
"What was the soul of the book, which in my opinion is above any kind of discourse, political, social and idealistic; that soul, I said, was respected. Because it’s embodied in the character of Martin Eden. And then when you translate a book into a film it happens that some things take another form: it's normal in an adaptation." In the case of this film, says Marinelli, it all started from Marcello's point of view, from his vision: "Which perhaps is not like what someone else can have or like mine, because it’s a vision that belongs to the director: it’s the vision of the artist Pietro Marcello. The first scripts were certainly different, they were longer, denser, full of references to the book. The very first, if I'm not mistaken, was nearly 300 pages long. And this is because we were dealing with a masterpiece, and we didn't want to leave out anything».
Could this film be different?
“No, this film is how it was supposed to be. But with a book like this you can do anything: a 12-hours play, a film, a short film. Martin Eden is one of the best books ever written. Cinema imposes different times and measures from written narration; the balance that Pietro and Maurizio Braucci, co-screenwriter, found and the work they did were excellent, in my opinion".
Let's start with when they proposed you the role of Martin Eden.
“I remember my tears as I was watching “Bella e perduta”; I remember my emotion, and I also remember that immediately after I finished watching it I told myself that it would be nice to work with this director. It was 2015. Three years later they call me, and they tell me that Pietro Marcello wanted to meet me. Imagine my happiness. Knowing, then, that this film would be born from Jack London's book moved me even more».
What convinced you to accept?
«Martin Eden is a human being of great sensitivity, great curiosity and great empathy; he has an enormous desire to discover, to see, to touch with his hand. However, he suffers countless disappointments. He climbs a mountain only to learn, once he reaches the top, that a sad camp resides there, and that the best thing was never to get there, to the goal, but perhaps the very start. The journey".
And was it difficult to make this journey?
“It's a question that I have asked myself too, and the answer I have given myself is both yes and no. No, because being next to Pietro, Maurizio, colleagues and all the people who collaborated on the film, I found the right push and the right support to get into the character. But the difficulties, of course, are always there. What I really wanted to understand was Martin Eden. I abandoned myself to the first sensation I had while reading the book and the screenplay».
What was that feeling?
"A gigantic emotion. This character speaks directly to each of us because everyone shares something with him. Each of us wants to do, to exist. To reach a goal. Only then we come up against obstacles that make us lose hope - in part or in whole».
But when did the spark go off?
“I've always been passionate about writers like London or Stevenson. Adventurers, capable of creating worlds, of giving life to characters with their eyes open to the society around them. Entering a life like that, a life where the sea is so present, a life made of traveling, of seeing, made of pure passion, intrigued me a lot. And then there was Naples".
Compared to Jack London's book, Pietro Marcello's film is a rewrite set in the Neapolitan capital.
“I had never lived all this time in Naples; and I had never known it so much. I have not yet been able to fully understand it; not completely. Naples is a place apart. I have come to love it. Naples is a whole people. Something fantastic. It’s a place with a huge identity. A very strong identity. Think of the language: it’s not a dialect, it’s a language. And then you meet people who make you realize how beautiful it is to be Neapolitan: how welcoming it is, how fascinating it is, how deep it is. Naples, for me, was a great discovery».
Is sensitivity a condemnation?
"I don’t know. On one hand, yes, it can make you suffer more. But I wouldn't see it as a sentence. Sensitivity allows you to see the world; it leads you to respect what is around you».
But it also brings loneliness with it.
«Martin Eden distances himself from everything and from himself: he can no longer be in contact with anything or anyone, he is disappointed».
In this film, the clash between the class of intellectuals and the so-called people also finds space.
"I think that the true intellectual, like Pasolini was, manages to put himself on the same level as the society, to look at it in the eye, to speak to the common man without being opinionated, just showing what is there: what is happening".
At one point, you find yourself sharing the scene with Carlo Cecchi, who plays Russ Brissenden.
«I was very excited because I found my teacher. And it was great to be with him there, on the set, more than six years after we had last acted together."
You said you got excited
“Because in the film he plays Martin Eden's mentor, and Carlo was a mentor to me too. It was a real gift”.
How many things have changed over the years?
"Many."
And you? Have you changed as an actor?
“I don't know, I swear. But maybe I was better before (laughs)».
What do you mean?
"I started with the theater, where there is no safety net, there is no" stop, let's do it again!" and there is no possibility to stop, start over, rethink. I miss that courage».
Is theater a torment or an obsession?
"It’s never a torment or an obsession. Sometimes at night, however, I dream of going on stage and not remembering anything anymore».
Perhaps it’s today's cinema that tends to be not very brave.
«In my opinion it’s experiencing a new period. And it’s not a coincidence that Marcello's Martin Eden arrives right now, in this moment. Surely we could give a voice to many more people. Even that, if you like, is a question of courage».
Martin Eden also speaks of talent and perseverance. What is more important, in your opinion?
“They go hand in hand. Talent is the first thing you see. It’s the primordial spark. But you can't just rely on that. You have to be curious, eat life, live it to the fullest, intensely and consciously. But to live it, one must also commit oneself: and one must be prepared».
You need to read.
«For me a book is always a victory. Because you have been elsewhere and have lived a story that is different from yours."
What kind of reader are you?
“I wouldn't call myself an avid reader: but the more I grow, the older I get, the older I get and the more I read. Because I am more and more aware of how beautiful it is».
Reading isn’t just a hobby.
"Thoreau says: "As if you could kill time without injuring eternity". It’s important not to waste time; but it’s important to do it without causing anguish or fear. You have to be there, stay there, live in the moment. But without exaggerating».
When you were younger - when you were a child - what were you like?
“I've always been surrounded by curious people. Even my friends, the ones I had as a child and the ones I still have now, are curious. We liked to move, to go around, to be together; we lived the street. We also enjoyed listening to music, reading comics and books, and watching movies."
And curiosity soon turned into fascination.
“Acting has always fascinated me. And only at a certain point did I manage to find the right courage to try. And I don't know why: I really don't know. In the Academy this phrase was always repeated: “play seriously”. And maybe was this that interested me; or not".
We talked about teachers. Who were they to you?
«People like Carlo Cecchi or Anna Marchesini. They were moments, very important meetings».
How did you come in contact with Marchesini?
"We studied with her for three months at the Academy, and it was wonderful because for the first time I wrote something of my own. Each of us, each of the students, had to write something about himself, starting from his identity card - this was the initial task. And it was, believe me, very difficult».
What impressed you about her?
"The energy, the dedication, the beauty. I remember the moments with her, the wonderful phrases she said. What has always fascinated me to see was the passion she put into it».
Other teachers?
"My grandfather. I always liked the job he did: he was a carpenter. In the academy they told us many times: "you have to be a craftsmen". And I was always thinking of him».
What, in the end, do you have left of Martin Eden?
«The sense of collectivity. Passion. The importance of looking around. To always look at others and at themselves. The adventure of life, and the wonder it represents. What deeply tears Martin Eden apart is betraying himself and being disappointed in his own dreams. We can fight against this only if we are faithful to ourselves, to our beliefs, to our places of origin. And then, you know, all the rest remains: remains all that world».
VANITY FAIR
Just wanted to translate this old interview for the non-italian’s fans ^^ (sorry for my English)
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You
Inspired by Netflix original series, 'You.'
yuta x reader | stalker!yuta au | smut, thriller | 6.0 k
warning: mention of drugs, profanity, death, stalker behaviour, sex scene
Note: Sometimes, you have to do what is right. It may not be right for you, or anyone else, but hey, ethics is a tough area of study. In the end, we all have our own personal morals anyway. It’s called egoism. Believe me, I’m doing this for you. Just hang on, we’ll meet, and you will be mine.
Ah, I was waiting for you. Three twenty-four p.m. every Wednesday and Friday. For the rest of the days, you either have work at the clothing store as a sales clerk and English assistance, or at the café if their pancakes are on sale. But, today is Friday. You walked in the library rather silently if I have to say. I’ve been observing you since last year when you entered this university from a TA’s perspective. Today, you were wearing a button-up shirt tucked into your jeans, so it can be assumed that you take a business related course—maybe economics, or business studies. But, I know you don’t. You’re in your second year of university taking biochemistry hoping to be a pharmacist to help your adopted older brother, Lucas, recover from his drug addiction. You have a really caring and supportive father who will do anything for his children, and that is because he does not know about your brother’s condition. He thinks that your brother is doing fantastic studying marine biology abroad in Australia, when he is actually living with you and your roommate in Seoul still figuring who the hell he is. As per your mother, nobody knows I guess. Nobody really knows, and neither do you. But, let’s pretend I do not know that for now.
Your eyes were looking for where to sit. You looked unsure if you should sit next to Kim Eunseo, the third year student in the acting department known for vomiting on her boyfriend, or the empty spot in front of me, the teacher assistant for chemical thermodynamics. Or maybe, you want to sit beside Na Jaemin, the heartthrob freshman of Hanyang University. The boy was perfect; pretty face, honey-like voice, and takes media studies and journalism under a 50% scholarship. But, I am better. I am better for you, and not that heartthrob, and neither is your ‘small’ crush on Dong fucking Sicheng who also happens to like you. Your eyes scanned over the empty seats, and for whatever god or spirit that was listening to me, you seemed to walk over to my space. Good job, you’re taking the initiative to come near me. It’s good progress my dear.
‘Hi, Yuta right? Is it alright if I can use the socket in front of you for my iPad?’ So that was the reason. Maybe next time you will willingly sit near me because of me, and not for that device of yours. And it’s been almost two years my love, how are you still so unsure about my name?
‘Yeah, of course, here let me plug it in for you… y/n right?’ That’s good Yuta, do the same thing your loved one does. You smiled brightly in return, nodding your head in approval. You should smile more my dear, it looks wonderful on you. So much more wonderful than the sorrowful and heavy eyes you have whenever you come home when having to deal with that gigantic brother of yours from both family and school stress. But trust me, all of this pain and pressure will all be lifted once you fall into my arms. I will keep you safe and loved. Your hand reached out of your bag for the charger, the white wire coiling against your smooth skin. My dear, the things you do so innocently can mean something else for people like me. Imagine your vulnerable and frail little body tied up against the bed with a white rope, it will look so good against your skin. For a person so intelligent academically, I wonder why you have a crush on a man who just so happens to like you back. He’s such as ass acting all cute and innocent when in reality he just wants you to teach him and give your notes just so that he can pass Biology 101. Your hand, or I guess the charger, made its way to mine, our skin touching for a brief second. Our first time holding hands.
‘Thank you so much. And just for the record, I do know that your name is Yuta. You’re the TA for chemical thermodynamics. And also because that was the class I got highest in’ you added, smiling shyly as you look at your iPad, probably a digital copy of your polymer chemistry textbook. Of course you got the highest in that subject. Yes you are intelligent, highly intelligent if I have to say, but a 97% as an average may slightly be an exaggeration in comparison to your original average of a 83%.
‘Ah yes of course. 97% in chemical thermodynamics, how can I ever forget you.’ I added with a smile.
‘Surprisingly yeah. I genuinely thought material chemistry was my best, but now I guess it’s thermodynamics.’ You added. You’re not lying. Material chemistry was, and still is your best. You’re doing great in all subjects love, so you do not need to worry about that. It’s just your fucked up brother, and your insufferable crush.
‘Well you did amazingly well on your test. With a brain like yours, you would be wanted to come join the seminars for your thesis paper you’ll write in the next 2 years.’ You only smiled in return, your go-to-move when you just want to start working on your stuff. I saw that happen way too many times. For example, two years ago on the 7th of December at the café, the waiter asked for your phone number, but you only smiled and rejected in response. Last year on April 30th when you were on your trip to Jeju island with your friends, Yeeun and Sooyoung, you wanted to stay in your hotel room because you were tired, so you smiled to the girls and rejected their offer to go to beach. And what did you do instead while your friends were swimming and tanning? You masturbated while watching lesbian porn on that exact same iPad you are studying from. With that note, I let you work on whatever you had to do, while I should be checking the current materials in the lab for the lab experiment for the freshmen students. God I hate being a TA.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It has been exactly three hours and seventeen minutes since you came, working hard on your notes as you listen to piano versions of kpop songs. You’re honestly so cute sometimes, it’s really hard to control myself and devour you. But that time shall come naturally to us one day. If not, I will ensure it will happen.
‘Hey, can I ask something?’ Are you talking to me? I looked up at the love of my life. Your eyes looking at me, very clear to me that you want something.
‘Yeah, what is it?’ Well that sounded quite rude.
‘I know that you’re a Chemistry graduate student, and as mentioned earlier, you work as a teacher assistant. I was wondering if there is a job open at the university? I do work at the clothing store, but I sorta need more income since I have to move apartments. Anyway, um, is there a job open?’ You asked. More jobs to move? What the fuck, is your roommate kicking you out? Your voice sounded so… desperate, needy, broken. You were broken.
‘Well I doubt it you can be a TA, but I’ll see if I can get you the lab technician position, or maybe the university’s official peer tutor. I’ll see what I can do.’ And there is that beautiful smile again. Obviously I will have to actually ask the professors and administrators, but they know your reputation and capabilities love. They talk about how you’re ready to go to graduate school in an instant, and how you’ll be a great asset in the research department. I promise you, your life will be perfect the moment those two men stop dragging you, especially Lucas.
‘Thank you so, so, so, much Yuta. Here, let me give you my contact for easier access…’ Good job my dear, good job.
Wine is disgusting. The amount of tannin present is so overwhelming, leaving an unpleasant taste in your mouth. I don’t know why you like it love, but here I am in a restaurant that serves multiple different types of wine. Red, white, mulled, rose—all of which I know you will greatly enjoy. I want to question why you drink this, but I know. It’s all you ever post on that nonsensical Instagram page of yours. Wine. Wine. Wine. Sometimes there’s a splash of red, or clear bubbles coming from time to time. You’re a mess, a drunken mess. Which is why I am here; I will fix everything for you. Knowing that you texted your group chat entitled as ‘vagina power’ twenty-three minutes ago that you were on the way to the restaurant, you should walk through that door in three, two, on—
‘Excuse me, is Mr. Nakamoto Yuta here?’ Your voice asked the waitress. Technology never fails, I can assure you that. There you were in your clothes from class today. You had medicinal chemistry, human physiology, organic chemistry, analytical chemistry, then ended the day with Korean—you must be exhausted my love. While you were apologising being late as you made your way to the table, all I could notice were your dark under eyes, the dullness in your eyes, and the slight oiliness on your scalp. You are overworked and internally dead. Despite my one year and a bit of research on you, what I could never answer was why you are working so damn hard and not letting one in to help you. Yes, I know that it is your goal to be this highly skilled pharmacist to help your brother, but you yourself knows that even without the excessive revising, you will still make it. Back in senior high school a guy named Kim Yugyeom asked you out, and you said no. You also said no to Park Jimin, Kim Jungwoo, Bang Chan, and even your first ever crush in Grade 11—Yoo Jeongyeon. She made you think girls were for you, but you still said no even if you two fucked in the laboratory because you didn’t ‘finish’ your experiment. Why do you always say no?
‘… thank you so much.’ You were still talking?
‘No problem at all. So, how’s university?’ Keep the conversation going Yuta, keep it going.
‘Well, it is challenging and heavy, but I guess I am doing fine. But now that I get the lab technician job, it will hopefully get better’ you say much more cheerfully, contrasting the tiredness and paleness of your face. You’re an unheard ghost.
‘Well that is how university is. But to congratulate you for your new job, we must make a toast!’ You raised your glass, and so do I, and we clinked. My, how can you not love this person. The moment I see you, all I want to do is hug you, protect you, and love you. If I can make you mine, treat you as my own, I will be the happiest man on the earth.
‘So how did you become a TA?’ You asked as you sipped your alcoholic beverage; your plush lips pressing so tightly against the rim of the glass cup and—Yuta, stop it.
‘Well, I took Chemistry only for my undergrad, and a bit of IT and languages. Then the professor, Professor Seo, asked me to be his teacher assistant initially for organic chemistry. But, I hated that subject and I ended up negotiating to change my position after a month. Then I got the chemical thermodynamics TA job. It’s honestly the exact same job, but I just prefer this topic.’ This is most likely that only truth that I have told you, and you were still listening to me for every word. A true listener with a bright mind, yet not bright enough to realise I have been watching you for more than one year.
‘Well, I think that is great. But let’s move away from academics, I just had five classes straight and I will honestly evaporate into thin air if I hear the c-word again.’ You say as you slightly chuckle. Alright then, what should we talk about? The reason to why you’re leaving your apartment? Your reason to deny people’s offer when they ask you out on a date? Why you overwork yourself to death to a point where you’re affecting yourself physically? Tell me, I need to know.
‘So you wanted to leave your current apartment right? Why’s that?’ You froze for a while. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes moving to the side. Almost unsure if you should respond to my question. You do have a point though, this is by far our first oral conversation, you barely know me.
‘I can’t afford my current apartment anymore since I kind of forced my brother to be moved to the hospital. So I need to save up more money to pay for hospital bills and the cheaper apartment.’ You quietly replied, your eyes still avoiding mine.
‘Oh no, what happened to your brother?’
‘He’s sick. Mentally ill.’ Well, at least you’re not lying to me. Though you could have said that your brother was kicked out of the University of Adelaide for failing all his classes, then he moved back to Seoul with you all high and reliant on that white powdery poison. It has been two years, and he was barely improving, and you had to move him to a hospital. Why didn’t you tell your father who loves the both of you unconditionally? It was because for that exact reason—he loves the two of you unconditionally. You knew for a fact that once your father finds out that your brother is a drug addict mess, Lucas is cut from the family, and you just could not let that happen. You two grew up together, and he used to take care of you a lot when you were in high school. He helped you drive around places, or libraries per se, and he also bought you snacks and all. He seemed to be very happy and caring back then, and you do not know what happened to him the moment he touched down in Australia.
‘I’m sorry to hear that. I hope he gets better soon.’
‘Thank you, I hope he does too.’ The conversation is dying Yuta, quick, think of something.
‘So when are you planning to move?’
‘Oh um, maybe sometime in February or end of January. I will be getting my apartment keys in the next two weeks, so yeah, around those times.’ I better clean up my schedule during that time then.
‘Hey if you need help in moving, just let me know. I will be willing to help.’ Your eyes finally looked up to meet mine, slightly bigger than usual as the corner of your lips were about to rise. You were about to reject my offer.
‘I-I think it’s fine, I’ll be able to manage on my own—‘
‘No, no, I insist. You’re going through quite a bit, the least I can do is help you move in your stuff.’ You nodded instead, bringing your lips to a tight line. You’re considering my offer aren’t you?
‘Alright, I’ll let you know when I’m moving.’ You say as you comb your hair backwards with your fingers. I cannot wait to make you mine.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It’s been about two months since we had our first proper conversation, and we have not stopped since.
‘You know, Ikea is the greatest thing that has ever came into existence.’ You say, carrying the big wooden compartment for your bed. Which will eventually be our bed, but I can wait.
‘Hmm, I remembered a few days ago you said ice cream was the greatest invention in human history.’ And it is arguably true. It’s comfort food, and keeps you happy from the amount of sugar stored in which makes your brain beg for more. It’s addicting yet unhealthy, but you cannot stop yourself. You crave it when you’re happy, sad, angry, stressed, tired— it’s designed for you to be beg, and beg, and be—
‘Ice cream is a great invention, I do not deny that. We should get ice cream afterwards once we’re done building this bed.’ You smiled at me, again. That beautiful and bright smile of yours can melt anyone my dear, you better be careful before you flash it to anyone else. ‘Anyway, we should go back to building this thing, I want to sleep tonight’ you added, moving your legs again to attach the next piece of the bed frame. Maybe I misread you a bit, you seem to work hard in everything. Not only in academics, but you’ve been doing your best in the lab, academically, ensuring your brother feels safe at the hospital, and even in making a goddamn bed frame for yourself. It is almost as if you barely take any breaks, and yet you do not seem to mind. Maybe you just enjoy to work hard.
‘Ice cream later is it then. Are you the type to eat those weird flavours like into mint chocolate or strawberry cheesecake, or some shit like that?’ Of course I knew what you liked. A few months ago, October the 12th to be exact, you went for ice cream with your lab partner, Sana, and you had chocolate only. You claimed yourself to be an avid chocolate lover. I honestly do not blame you for that.
‘I don’t think they’re weird or anything, but I just prefer to have plain chocolate. I just like chocolate in general. How about you?’
‘I’m more of a matcha type of guy.’ Another honest thing that came out of my mouth. You chuckled in response, nodding your head up and down just by a little. You want to say something don’t you? ‘What is it?’ I asked.
‘Oh, it’s nothing too bad. It’s just very Japanese of you,’ you answered, trying to snap yourself out of a giggly state. Cute. After our small chat, we eventually set up the wooden frame, and placed the mattress on top along with placing of the beige bedsheet. I can’t believe this will be the exact same bed where we’ll have our first everything, including our children. We will have two beautiful daughters: Saya and Emiko. They will be four years apart, and both girls will be at least bilingual. They will also love and cherish the both of us. With our combined intelligence, our girls will conquer the industries, wrapping the entire world in their little, delicate fingers. We will be a perfect family of four, and this bed, the one we have just made together, will be with us until the end. Just before my mind could go somewhere else, your tired body dropped on the newly made bed, feeling the softness and the warmth provided by the material.
‘I know you’re tired too Yuta, you should lay down too,’ you say with your eyes closed, both your hands interlocking with one another just above your abdomen. From what I know, you only do this when you are really tired, thinking of all sort of different scenarios. Since you asked me to anyway, I laid down beside your exhausted body, embracing the same warmth the bed is providing. ‘You know, I’ve never really had anyone over at my place since I’m so busy and all, but I’m glad you came and helped me move’ you softly say, your eyes finally open as your orbs look directly up at the plain ceiling.
‘It’s not a problem really, you do seem tired during lessons so I figured helping you a bit can hopefully ease whatever you’re going through.’ You grinned at what I said, as if you somewhat agree. I do hope it’s true my dear. You had it tough with your brother, but I will assure you that you will become the pharmacist you deserve to be.
‘You did, Yuta. You did.’ The bed slightly shifted, only to see you on your side as you look at me, and here I am looking back at you. Without hesitation, your lips pressed against mine, something I did not expect at all. Since when were you like this? Have I misread you all this time? You rejected so many different guys and one girl, yet now you are acting to brave and different in contrast to my observations and research over the past years. Although multiple questions came across my head, this does not mean I have to stop whatever you just began.
Your warm hand made its way to my left cheek, rubbing the cheek back and forth with your thumb, almost the same gesture when you caress your loved ones. Grabbing your left leg, I pulled over my body, allowing you to sit on top of me, our bodies so close to being connected, to being united. The kiss did not break at all, in fact, it deepened. You surprisingly took the initiative to tap the velvety muscle on my bottom lip, so needy to enter the hot cavern. Maybe this is your way to ensure that you can trust me, and that somebody can love you forever. Maybe this is a process of yours to know that you will be taken care of for eternity. I deserve to be with you my love, you are everything to me, and I know I will be your everything. Your tongue eventually slipped through my lips; both our wet muscles meeting each others, exploring each others caverns for the first time. My arms were holding you tightly against my body, keeping your fragile body on top of mine—I do not want to let you go. But, how do I know that you really want this? Despite the fact that I do not want this to end, I had to pull away, just to be sure. Our mouths slowly separated with the presence of a string of wetness proving the intense session we just had. Your forehead fell against mine, your eyes clouded with lust as you pant heavily against me.
‘Do you still want to do this?’ I have to know.
‘Y-yes, please make me feel good’ you whispered against me. Fuck.
*Disclaimer: sex scene will begin from here. This will be a female x male smut scene, so if this is something you do not want to read, please scroll down until you see another disclaimer similar to this. Please keep in mind that I will write a male x male scene, so please do not feel too disappointed. I am sorry that I was not able to write it on the same day as the publication. Thank you.
Our lips reconnected again, only this time, the feeling was much more intense. I poured in all of my frustration of waiting, and the amount of love and lust I have for you my love. I flipped us over, finally seeing your sensitive and fragile body below me. You are a sight to see my dear, but only for me. I have seen the way your body trembles as your delicate fingers enter in and out of you; your legs shake uncontrollably, your free hand unconsciously slips inside your hot mouth trying to keep yourself quiet, and your beautiful face contorts in pure pleasure. I want you to do the exact same, but I want you to be louder, and I want to be the one pleasuring you. The moment our tongues touched again, I took the initiative to envelop your velvety muscle with my lips, tasting you completely, leaving you as a moaning mess under me. So you like this. I continued to do so as your hips slightly rocks back and forth, your covered sex rubbing against me. Leaving your mouth, I peppered kisses down your addictive skin, taking in the honey-like scent you had. Soft whimpers escaped your throat, clearly enjoying the amount of care and love you were receiving. You deserve this. My hands slipped under your shirt, feeling the soft and supple skin until I met your clothed breasts. Massaging the flesh against my hands, your fingers crawled up behind my neck, slowly making its way to my hair, pulling the roots so gently. My dear, you are indeed irresistible.
‘Yuta t-touch me please,’ you beg, moving your hips even rougher than before, almost as if you are trying to reach for your orgasm by yourself. I chuckled at your submissive manner, knowing exactly what to do to make you come.
‘You want to come my princess? Do you want your pretty pussy to come over my tongue? You’d like that won’t you as you beg nonstop.’ I read that on your diary, you wanted someone to go down on you and make you orgasm uncontrollably, and you want to repeat the process until you beg them to stop. My dear, you are one dirty little girl. You only whimpered in response, nodding your head vigorously. Although it would have been ideal to get a response from you, I know for a fact that the last time you got laid was five months ago with your colleague at the clothing store, Lee Minho. I hope that he is forgotten. Pulling your shirt up, I kissed down from your supple skin until I met the top of your black sweats. I slowly pulled at the strings as my eyes looked up to meet yours. There you were with your glossy and lust-filled eyes as your bite your finger, anticipating what would happen to you. Your chest was heaving up and down as I pulled at your pants, only to reveal you in your sheer white bra and panties. What a fucking sight. Pulling your legs apart, a visible wet patch was displayed, showing a clear outline of your pink lips begging to be destroyed.
‘I haven’t even touched your greedy little hole and yet you are so wet princess.’ Before you could even say anything, my tongue made contact with the soaked cloth, tasting the sweet essence as a moan of relief escaped your throat. Continuing to lick up and down against your clothed sex, your fingers made it to the roots of my hair as your slowly rock your core against my face. Your moans slowly turned louder and louder, and all I can say is, I was definitely going to implode. Allowing you to take control of me, your legs started to tremble on either side of my head as the tip of my tongue was on your covered clitoris. To further intensify the feeling, I pulled your barely existing panties to the side, sucking on your clit, tasting you properly, eating you out like a starved man.
‘Fuck!’ You screamed, legs shaking vigorously as your fingers left my hair for your lips. Without letting you rest, I grabbed both of your legs, pushing my tongue into your dripping entrance, pathetically clenching around it. What a fucking whore. Moans and sounds of me eating your core filled the room, and whoever is living beside you is surely going to know you as a slut. ‘Y-yuta shit I’m coming again,’ you moaned, your head thrown back against the pillow underneath you. Pulling the warm velvet out of your sticky cavern, I slipped in two fingers, moving in and out of you as I watch you in pure euphoria. Just like that, your legs closed and shook, screaming for the second time tonight. Taking out the fingers, I slowly made my way up to your fucked out body, only to see your lips red from the biting, as well as your teary eyes from your orgasms. I pushed the fingers through your lips, and like the good girl you are, you immediately sucked in my fingers, leaving me to imagine all the things you can do with that sweet little mouth of yours.
‘Fuck me please, god I need you in me’ you say breathing heavily, as if trying to understand how you were coping with two orgasms in one go. You said you needed me. Kissing you one more time, I finally unzipped my pants, releasing the solid member that sprung against my lower abdomen. As I removed my sweater, your eyes were staring at the red tip whereas your licked your bottom lip.
‘I’m going to enter alright,’ I whispered beside your ear, peppering feather-like kisses on your face. You froze a bit in place, though I was not exactly sure why. You did not seem to say anything, but it may be because you are finally being with the man who truly deserves you. Placing myself on your dripping hole, I looked at you one last time before anything else goes wrong, or if I miscalculated everything.
‘Just put it in Yuta, I’m on birth control, no need to worry’ you impatiently said, waiting to be filled and feel immense pleasure. Taking in your words, I slowly pushed myself in you, trying my best not to hurt you or bring you to any sort of pain. But my god, were you tight. Your velvet-like walls enclosed around my hard cock, almost impossible for me to go further in. You gasped loudly, pulling yourself closer to me as you held your hands behind my neck, feeling every once of me. ‘Oh my fucking god, I’m so full.’
I pushed myself further with one of my hands on your lower abdomen to keep you stable. ‘Shit you’re so tight, stop me if I go to harsh on—‘
‘Just fuck me Yuta, I don’t want to go gentle, please just do it.’ What?
*Disclaimer: smut scene has ended.
‘Y/n how else will I make love to you if you want to go rough on our first time?’ I asked, trying my best not to lose my temper. Why on earth do you want to go rough? Isn’t that why the reason you rejected all of those guys so that you can finally be with the one that truly deserves you, and can protect you from anything? Your eyes only grew wide at what I said, slowly pushing yourself off me.
‘Make love? Yuta, we’ve only started talking for like two months, what do you mean make love?’ You asked, successfully pushing yourself off of me, slowly pulling the blanket to cover yourself. Why are you acting like this?
‘You kissed me on your newly made bed, what else was I suppose to thi—‘
‘I was only asking for a quick fuck, not a whole love-making session Yuta. I think you should go home and rethink what you just said, I don’t think you’re in your right mind right now.’ How can you say that? I have loved you since you entered the class with, asking thought provoking questions to the professor. I have loved you since you were at the lab, working on your experiment until eight in the evening. I have loved you since you helped that customer in your shop many months ago, trying your best to communicate with the old woman in her mother tongue. You were always so patient, hard-working, and submissive— how can I not love you?
‘No! I do mean it, I do love you. How can I not? You always work so hard and made sure that you and your brother, and your academics were both in good condition. You are my dream, how can I not love you?’
‘Yuta, you’re saying the most insane shit. Please leave. What happens between me and my brother and my studies only should be limited to me, and not you’ you answered, not believing any word I said.
‘I am being normal, you’re just too busy and stubborn to believe anything I am saying! I have taken so much good care of you. I helped you get a job, I paid for all the meals and snacks we had together, I helped make your fucking bed, and you repay me by being your fuck buddy?’ You were infuriating. You were not like this when I watched you on a daily basis.
‘Well I’m sorry if you thought that I was trying to make you as my boyfriend or something, but I do not have time for that Yuta. I am truly sorry if that is what you thought, and if you do not want to see me anymore, I completely understand that—‘
‘No! You rejected Kim Yugyeom, Park Jimin, Kim Jungwoo, Bang Chan, Yoo Jeongyeon, and you do not let anyone else to love you. Is it because you’re too busy taking care of your drug addict of a brother?’ Your eyes grew wider than it already was, your mouth left agape unsure of how to react. Shit.
‘H-how do you know all of t-these things?’ Your voice was shaking, the fear on your face clearly visibly.
‘That’s not m-my point. What I am trying to say is—‘
‘Yuta, have you been stalking me?’ Yes, I have.
‘What? No, I wasn’t. You’re dodging my question again.’ Shit, Yuta. Think, think, think.
‘Then how do you know about my brother?’ You asked, fear and shock still evident on that beautiful face of yours. I made my way to her, gently cupping your face in my hand.
‘I h-heard about it from s-somewhere—‘
‘Get your hands off me! Tell me how you know all about this!’ You shouted, ripping my hands off of you. Without thinking, my hand came in contact with your skin. Loudly.
I slapped you.
A bright red mark was left on your face, eyes filled with tears, unsure if it was from the pain, or from our argument.
‘Shit, no, I didn’t mean that. Fuck, okay, y/n, let’s talk about this like adults’ I said, trying my best to diverge her thoughts away from what just happened. But I know that it will not work, you are one of the smartest people to exist, and you do not let yourself down easily like that.
‘Get the fuck out Yuta. You’re insane.’ Why are you not listening to me? I grabbed your body, leaving you to scream for help, pleading to be freed away from me— but I am not letting that happen. You are mine. I tightly wrapped my hand against your throat to make you shut up, making sure that you listen and concentrate on every word that I will say to you. You need to be disciplined love, especially if we will be together.
‘I need to know why you’re acting like this otherwise we will not be a happy couple. You are my everything, and I should be yours. I made you enter a world of euphoria with my mouth alone just a few moments ago, and you rejecting my love and pushing me away will not work. I have loved you the moment my eyes laid on you, and I need you to love me back’ I explained, watching your face slowly lose colour as your screams died down, but I do not care. You need to listen to my every word and acknowledge it. ‘You will be my partner for the rest of your life, and so will I. We will have two beautiful daughters, and you will also be able to help Lucas medically without letting your father know. But before we can do any of that, you need to be disciplined and I am here for that. Do you understand me?’
No response.
‘I said do you understand me.’
Still no response.
Your face was pale, eyes were closed, body cold. You were lifeless. Y/n, we were supposed to be together forever. We were supposed to have children, have you become a pharmacist, we were supposed to be in love together. Holding your lifeless body in my arms, I rocked your bare body back and forth— you’re not dead my love, you’re just resting. Yes, you’re resting.
‘Y-you’re not dead. I was just teaching you a lesson, but you seemed to become tired. It’s okay, we’ll do it another time. I love you so so much, I will never hurt you my love. Never.’ A dark laugh left my throat as tears rolled down my face. I finally had you in my arms, finally.
a/n: WEEEEEE i wrote that???? okay umm while i’ll be too busy screaming at myself for writing THAT scene, i hope everyone enjoyed it despite the fact that mcfucking yuta was a creep, but yeAhhhH. i am honestly quite paranoid after finishing ‘you’ cause i keep thinking that someone is in the house, but not really, but yeah... the show was good though. let me know if you also watched it cause i would really like to talk about it with you. and also, HAPPY NEW YEAR! i hope ya’ll had a fun time celebrating it.
明けましておめでとうございます!今年もよろしくお願いします。今まで英語だけで話を作ったので、今年日本語でやってみたいと思います。
祝你新年快乐!万事如意也心想事成❤️
#nct#nct 127#yuta#nakamoto yuta#yuta x reader#yuta x you#nct u#nct dream#wayv#smut#thriller#angst#yandere#stalker au#yandere yuta#yuta smut#you#joe goldberg#na jaemin#jaemin#dong sicheng#winwin#lucas#wong yukhei#kim jungwoo#jungwoo#kim yugyeom#yugyeom#park jimin#jimin
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For langblr asks: 7, 10, 11, 18, and 49
Thanks!! This may get long, so I apologise in advance! I’m learning German and Esperanto alongside Chinese, but since my German is fairly advanced and I don’t really learn actively any more (I just read, listen to talks etc - mainly because I have no reason to actively speak German sadly) and my Esperanto is basic I’ll just talk about Chinese.
7 - What are some things that you learned about language learning that really improved your studying?
- Hands down learning about the role of attention in language learning. In an ideal situation, you are exposed to the target feature, then have your attention drawn to it/figure it out yourself, and are then exposed to it in natural language again. I think we all know the wild experience when you learn a word and then magically the universe provides it - and suddenly you know that word forever. I now like to think of word ‘learning’ as incremental rather than binary: recognising a word in a familiar context, an unfamiliar context, and then finally using the word are all different levels of ‘knowing’ that word. What this means in practice is that I worry less about not being able to use all the vocabulary actively that I recognise passively, because I know once I do use it actively that item will be easier to access. So there are two things here: first of all, that I don’t worry if I’m watching or reading something and don’t actively extract vocab from it, because I know that hearing it will make it easier to remember later on; and secondly, that if I ‘pay attention’ to a word but don’t ‘learn’ it because I haven’t seen it in context, that state of not knowing is temporary. The moment I see it in context - sometimes months later, when I had completely ‘forgotten’ that word - I know what it is. So I don’t stress as much about not being able to remember words from flashcards or whatever, because I know that seeing/hearing them in context is what cements that word, not just repetition.
10 - What are some thing that you love about the language you’re learning?
Oh my goodness. So many things. I love characters; they used to absolutely drive me crazy, but the ability to read after so long being unable to read now just feels wonderfully exciting every single time. I love learning about different components and how they combine together. I love too that the idea of ‘the word’ is tied so intimately to characters: there are psycholinguistic experiments showing that Chinese native speakers learning English show interference effects when two words are presented in English that have the same component (not even whole character!) and it slows down decision making. I love the way that tone and intonation interact and I love seeing how far I’ve come from not understanding how I could express emotion at all. I love what Chinese shows about the power of the second language learner: it’s incredibly homophonous because of limited syllables even with tones, and it’s radical pro-drop, the more formal you are the shorter/more concise sentences tend to be, and when you’re in a different dialect/Chinese language even those useful initials or finals can change and still you know what is being said. It’s incredible. I love the sound of <q> and <j> and <x> and especially the final <ing>.
The thing I love most about Chinese is its conciseness and elegance. I love learning about different systems of politeness and register and Literary Chinese is just so incredibly concise: if learning modern standard Mandarin is interesting, Literary Chinese is just...it blows my mind. It’s very unique: and I don’t mean this in the sense of ‘oh look how Exotic and Different’, I mean this typologically: it’s arguably the most analytical language in the world and is regularly used in linguistics papers to exemplify phenomena found in such highly analytical languages. I also think the encoding of order-based pragmatics into actual linguistic implicature is absolutely so cool.
I love the difference registers it has, and I love that it feels such a good language to moan about the bus being late in and also, you know, that kind of poetry which just takes your breath away. I love how the same sentence can be expressed in different registers and how grammar patterns from literary Chinese can be used in modern Chinese. I love how compounding and derivational morphology work in Chinese (it’s absolutely nuts?? and so versatile??) and I love how names carry so much meaning. I love it for its ambiguity and conciseness and completely *shrug* lack of need to express tense or person because you know, if you know you know.
And from a synesthete’s point of view, Chinese is beautiful too: it’s a crisp clear dawn-like language, cool and misty.
Finally, I love it for what it has taught me. It’s the first tonal language I’ve ever learnt, and the learning curve has been huge. Parts of it have been massively frustrating (we’ll get to that). I remember the week before I went to China for the first time hurriedly trying to learn some phrases, and I just couldn’t get them to stick in my head. I think I practiced ‘good morning’ about 10,000 times and I still couldn't say it right, or remember it. Languages were sort of my thing - I had taken my German GCSE early, done French and Spanish 0-GCSE in one year each, done three language A-levels (Spanish in five months because I dropped out of another A-level, self-taught German) as well as an extracurricular Latin GCSE. I was cocky!! And so not being able to do it was crushing at first and also just, what?? So learning Chinese has taught me patience, and it’s a useful bench-mark now if I ever feel like I can’t do anything. It’s taught me that you just need patience and determination, and that you'll get there in the end. Genuinely, that’s the most useful lesson I’ve learnt in my short life.
11 - What are some things that you don’t like / find frustrating about the language you’re learning?
Originally, I found both the pronunciation and characters immensely frustrating. I think I’m over those hurdles, and now what annoys me most is the grammar - and if anyone says there is no grammar in Chinese I may just murder you. Chinese grammar is hard because, as I’ve talked about before, a lot of rests on sentence patterns and a lot of it seems to shift in ways that, say, Spanish grammar doesn’t, depending on context, formality and so on. But the reason Chinese grammar is difficult is again because the categories it manipulates are ones that don’t map perfectly onto what we think is being manipulated. So we build representations in our mind and try to learn structures without realising that a lot of it is patterns, not something set in stone. This includes phenomena like topic-marking, fronting, emphasis and so on. The most ‘grammar’-like of Chinese grammar actually is based in large parts in implicatures and the pragmatic-semantic interface, which is very hard to teach. This is why I think that input is especially crucial in Chinese.
Also, embedded wh-questions are hard.
As I’m learning more, though, this is all gradually becoming less frustrating. I don’t want to jinx anything and I still have a lot to learn, but I’m feeling cautiously optimistic that the worst is behind me. Things are making a lot more sense now anyway!!!
18 - Have you had any conversations with natives of your target language/s? How did that go?
Haha, of course. I lived in China for six months and then visited again for two months. I also work as an English teacher online and have a lot of Chinese students. I also sometimes chat with other Chinese students in the German classes I was taking. I’m really excited though to go back to China though now that I’m a little bit better and see how I can improve from there!!! I feel like last time I wasn’t really at a good enough level to improve quickly; I think this time would be really hard, but I can communicate well enough that I hope people wouldn’t switch back to English.
One of the problems I have always had though has been that my pronunciation sounded better than my knowledge of the language - because of immersion. So people always assumed I understood way more than I actually did which was always terrible because I never knew wtf was going on.
One really really nice conversation I had recently: in my English class, a young girl’s mother asked if I could explain the present simple vs present continuous to her daughter...in Chinese. And regardless of what nonsense I said, the little girl understood! Ahhhh that warm glowy feeling of human connection and accomplishment.
49 - What are your language goals for 2021?
Since I’m learning quite intensively at the moment, these goals will be appropriately intense. Gulp.
1) Pass HSK5 (March). This is my biggest goal, and the first time I’ve ever worked towards a language exam so I’m a little nervous. I think it’s do-able (especially with the help of the course that I’m taking, HSK Online), but still large enough to be scary.
2) Be able to write all words up to HSK5 by hand (July). I have a little more time for this one - normally I don’t think handwriting is particularly important, but since I’m going to be studying in a Chinese university next year with the dreaded 听写 I need to be able to do it. They sort you into groups depending on your exam results, and if I can’t handwrite more than 我 then I’m not going to get very far. How do I plan on achieving this? I’m planning maybe on buying a subscription to Skritter again and working through (I really like them), but most importantly, just handwriting freely in a notebook and building up the habit.
3) Be able to read at the same speed as the subtitles. I know, I know, most people can. But I can’t lmao so let me practice.
4) Be in a good place to take HSK6 in early 2022. I don’t actually know if I’m going to take the HSK6 exam: maybe not. HSK5 is only important for me because I need it for a scholarship. But as random as some of the words are, it’s a very good benchmark and a useful list. Considering I’ll have from March until the end of the year, and from the end of June onwards I’ll be in a Mandarin-speaking environment (and be in a Chinese university from August/September) I think it’ll set me up well. It’s way too much to do by the end of the year though, so this goal is just to do as much as I can before 2022.
5) Read the first Harry Potter in Chinese. Guys, I’m not looking to understand the descriptions of the moat or Hagrid’s beard. But I want to be able to read the dialogue with ease, and be able to dip in and out of the book with ease.
6) Complete my literary Chinese textbook (mid-year).
7) Be able to watch shows like Streetdance of China without subs. I can watch some shows already without subs, but I often feel that’s more to do with galaxy-brain thinking, ‘reading the room’ and being lazy than actually understanding all the words. Despite shows like the Untamed having more ‘difficult’ vocab, I find them a lot easier to understand than variety shows etc because the audio is extremely clear and not too fast. Watching Nirvana in Fire without subs will have to be a goal for 2022 lmao; no way will that happen by this time next year.
8) Learn the top 1000 traditional characters and practice reading traditional more. This is not as hard as it sounds: past about the top 500, many of them differ in very predictable ways.
And here are three long-term goals I have no time limits on:
1) Read MDZS and TGCF in Chinese. Ahhh. The dream.
2) Read lots of wuxia!!!!!!! All the wuxia!!!!!!!! Be able to read actual books, imagine.
3) Use Chinese for academic research on Chinese dialects and Tibetan languages. This is kind of...my career path...so!
Thanks for the ask!!
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04/14/2021 DAB Transcript
Joshua 9:3-10:43, Luke 16:19-17:10, Psalms 83:1-18, Proverbs 13:4
Today is the 14th day of April welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today as we continue our journey forward into the beautiful springtime. Of course, I know we are all over the world. So, those of you in the southern…southern hemisphere are experiencing autumn coming on. How weird is that? But whether it is a springtime fire or a autumn…an autumn fire it's a Global Campfire that we are around and we can come around it no matter where we are. And, so, let's dive in and take the next step forward. We’re in the book of Joshua in the Old Testament. There have been two cities in the promised land that have been conquered. The rest of the land is not conquered. The people of Israel are in the land and everyone that is there is freaking out. And we left the story yesterday with the kings of the region trying to form an alliance and band together all of their armies to come against Israel and…yeah…push them back out of the land. So, we’re reading from the New English Translation this week. Joshua chapter 9 verse 3 through 10 verse 43.
Commentary:
Okay. So, as we pass through the middle of our work week, we could talk about our work habits. Straight out of the Proverbs today, “the appetite of the sluggard craves but gets nothing.” So, a sluggard is…is…is laziness, the kind of unmotivated, right? Kind of like I just can’t get myself going, I’m just gonna sit here and watch some more TV or whatever, can't really get it going. So, that person still craves accomplishment or achievement or whatever. A person that has a craving to see something achieved or that they would like to do. Like you can be a sluggard and still be a dreamer, but the dream won't be achieved. You can crave by the appetite of the sluggard craves but gets nothing. “The desire”, this is how the proverb ends, “the desire of the diligent will be abundantly satisfied.” In other words, the one who this craving, this desire to achieve or to accomplish or to do something, if they will be diligent step-by-step day by day, they will be abundantly satisfied. I could say what we’re doing here moving through the Scriptures is a is a good example of that. If we show up every day, day by day step-by-step and we are diligent we will achieve what we set out to do, which was move through a year of life together in the Scriptures as a community. If we’re diligent we will be abundantly satisfied in achieving that goal. Or we can be like many who have a craving, a desire to read the Bible, to see what actually is in the Bible, what it actually says, but don't really get past a couple of days in this area. Then the appetite of the sluggard craves but gets nothing. So, what can we say then? We can say that you can desire or crave all you like. If you're not willing to motivate yourself and be diligent it will never be anything but a craving or a desire. But if you are willing to be diligent you will be abundantly satisfied.
Prayer:
Father we take that to heart. It goes to our motives. It goes to our motivation and sometimes we have to take control over that. Sometimes we have to tell ourselves using self-discipline that You are getting up off the couch right now and You are going to be diligent in taking the next step forward toward what it is You desire. Help our desires to line up with Your will for our lives and help us Holy Spirit to be motivated, that we not be weary in well doing, but that we not be a sluggard when we need to be doing. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.
Announcements:
dailyaudiobible.com, that's home base, that’s the websites, that’s where you find out what's going on around here and how to get connected and stay connected.
And resources that are available for the journey we are on. So, the resources can be found in the Daily Audio Bible Shop.
And getting connected and staying connected can be found in the Community section of the website where the Prayer Wall lives. So, certainly, check that out.
If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if…if the mission that is the Global Campfire, the mission to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and released out into the world for anyone who will listen to it anywhere on this planet any time of day or night and to build community around that rhythm, the day by day step-by-step journey that we are on together so that we know we’re not alone, not…not…not on our journey through the Bible and not in life. We’re not alone. You have brothers and sisters all over the world going through all the same kinds of things that we go through. And that makes a big difference, to know that there are people out there that care and that are facing it just like we are. So, if that brings life and light and hope and good news into…into your world than thank you for your partnership. There’s a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.
And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, the little red button up at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.
And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.
Community Prayer and Praise:
Hi Brian, hi DAB family this is Emily in Seattle I haven't touched back in a while, but I have a prayer request. And I'm usually pretty shy about needing those but I've got one now. My dad is 94 God love him and he's not doing too good. So, if you could pray for him, I'd appreciate it. Then pray for my brother Mike, I've mentioned him before. He's pretty sad because he's not close to Jesus like we are. And he's pretty sad because he thinks when someone dies that they end up __. I think everyone in my family’s saved but it's just me and my husband who are close to Jesus. And, so, that's kind of a bummer but pray for everlasting life for my family, salvation for those who don't have salvation yet and that this will be a blessing and not a curse. And I guess that's it. I'm losing it here. So, __ my mom Roberta, my dad Charlie, my brother Mike, and me of course too. Praise God. Bye.
Hi __ this is __Selena I’ve been recently been all over the Prayer Wall and I'm going to continue to be all over the Prayer Wall. I'm praying for you guys and just lifting you all up to the Lord. In my case my boyfriend left me for another woman, and I've just been going through it. But in all of that the Lord has completely freed me of sin. It's just a really hard time. But I am sleeping at night. There's one positive and I’m learning about laying it down for the Lord, laying my sorrows down. So, if I could just please have prayer just for joy, for quick healing. I just want to be back to normal but in God's time. I thank you all and I love you all very much. I'm always praying every day. I put down my social media I put down my Xbox I put down…I’m throwing away the wolves and just taking God and you and I want to hear all of your prayers, requests. In…in your sorrow please know I am behind the scenes fighting for you in the name of God. I love you guys. Bye.
Yes…I know a boy…I don't really know him. His name is Titus, and he is dying and he’s 7 and I would like to pray for him. Dear Jesus, __ I pray that you will make it not so scary to Titus that he's dying and make his family not so sad. And in Your name. Amen.
James the Teacher in LA I was so glad to hear your voice after such a long time but I'm really sad that your wife is asking for a divorce. James, I'll be praying for you. I pray that the Lord turn her heart around and even as you’re going through this difficulty remember how years ago you prayed, you trusted God for a child and God provided that child. And you've even prayed for your students and you saw how God worked in the life of your students. James, I want you to just take a moment and think back of God's goodness to you in those past years. And as you go through this struggle be encouraged that He's able to do above all that you could ask and could desire. If you need to get counseling with your wife, I would suggest you get some counseling with her and the two of you together with God worked this out. I'm praying for you and I'm trusting God on your behalf. Just continue…continue to trust Him and see Him work mightily in this situation. Just praise God for you in Jesus’ name. Randolph from Toronto.
Hi DAB family my name is Ashley and I'm from California and I want to share a little of encouragement. So, first I just want to read you Psalm 13 verses 5 through 6. But I trust in Your unfailing love. I will rejoice because You have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me. I want to share that this is a special time in my life, this time of year, because I remember God's goodness. He changed my life in a matter of a week, and He led me down the path of a new career and revealed that I was pregnant with my son and He took away people that I thought were supposed to be in my life. But He saved me. He rescued me and I constantly thank Him for that, and I just want to encourage anybody out there who may be going through a hard time and it may be confusing. I even have to preach this to myself, but I just want you to know that in the midst of chaos, in the midst of suffering God is doing a work no matter how you're feeling…how you're feeling He is working. He is working. He loves us. He has a plan, and His ways are better than our ways. And He will always provide and always take care of you. So, if you're having a hard time right now, I just want to let you know. I love you DAB family and Brian and China and Jill and…and the whole family I’m so grateful for you. So, I have a blessed rest of your day. Today is April 9th 2021. Take care everybody.
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Trial & Error | chapter 9
Main Pairing: (jimin): student/idol x (main): foreign student Side Pairs: main x taehyung,, main x (nct) jaehyun
PART 8
You were finally able to catch up with Riley and Mariana back at home when Riley called you on Facetime. They told you about everything that happened back home at your now former school. All about whose dating who, which teacher got fired, who got into fights and more. You laughed, thinking about the culture difference now that you thought about it.
"It's so funny," you spoke. "Nothing really scandalous happens here in Korea, like, you'll never really see anyone getting into fist fights in the middle of the hallways or locker rooms."
"Boo, sounds boring to me!" Mariana joked. "I need me some drama, that shit is interesting as hell."
"Honestly," Riley agreed, as you all laughed in union. "So what about you and Ryan, have you two been talking since you've moved?"
"Oh, that's dead," you answered. "We pinky swore and everything but life happens, ya know."
Mariana giggled. "Sis, we have not spoken to that man since you've left either. You know he's dating Jessica now?"
You rolled your eyes, annoyed at the reminder. You and Jessica never really got along. She was always trying to steal Ryan from you when you lived there and now she finally got him. "Yeah, I saw on Instagram. It's okay though, hope she enjoys my sloppy seconds."
"Damn girl, you're better than her anyway, don't stress."
"You are," Riley said, nodding her head. "This is true."
"Oh please, I'm not worried, I’m over him anyway."
Just then, there was a knock on your door, cutting off what you were about to say next. Your mom walked in. "You have some friends here, hun," she said.
You nodded, then turned back to the camera, wondering who it could be. "Hey, I'll talk to you guys later."
"Okay, love you," they both said, you saying it right back before hanging up.
Right after, your mom walked away as both Heejin and Kayla walked through, saying hello. You had completely forgotten that it was Friday and you invited them over to study for an upcoming test.
"Oh my god, hey you guys," you spoke. "I'm sorry, I totally forgot we were supposed to do this."
"It's alright," they laughed, making themselves comfortable and finding a seat on your floor.
"We bought food!" Heejin declared, holding up a bag, then proceeding to take out a box of teok and kimbap.
"What an angel," you hawked. "I'll go get us some drinks, be right back." They nodded their heads and began to talk amongst themselves as you walked out of the room and into the kitchen where your mom was washing dishes.
"I didn't know you were having company," she spoke.
You opened the fridge, grabbing cans of Sprite and bottled water. "Lowkey, I didn't either."
She chuckled. "Tell your friends they're welcomed to come over at any time."
You were taken a back as you were closing the fridge. "Wait, really?" Usually your mom was against you having most of your friends over that weren't Riley or Mariana so this was new to you.
"Yes, y/n. I know you must feel lonely so if it helps..."
"Gee, thanks I guess."
She reassured you that she cares about you and you thanked her, walking away. The special treatment was only due to guilt but that was another discussion for another day.
"I didn't know you were rich," Kayla said in awe once you got back.
You laughed, closing the door and handing them the drinks. "My dad got a promotion," you explained. "It's the whole reason we're even here. The apartment was given to him by his firm."
"So, basically, you're rich."
"Ha, yeah right. Not me, my parents."
"Which means you," Heejin laughed.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's get to work," you said. They both agreed and you guys worked diligently on your homework and studies for Physics and Maths, even down to quizzing each other with flash cards. To you, this was the kind of stuff that made school work fun sometimes.
After you were all done studying, you guys decided to just chill, eating the rest of the food as music played on Heejin's laptop in the background. "I want to do that so bad," she said, watching the video of some girl group.
"What, dance?" you asked.
"Please, she wants to do way more than that," Kayla stated. "This girl wants to be an idol."
You looked at Heejin shockingly as she still stared at her computer screen, watching Blackpink's every move. "Wait, seriously?" you wondered. Still focusing on the video but pouting, Heejin shook her head, confirming this.
“She has this really big audition tomorrow and she's nervous as hell, all she’s been doing is watching dance practices.”
“Kayla!” Heejin said in an annoyed tone. “I didn’t want anybody to know that. If I fail, I want to fail in private.”
“Ma’am, you are going to fail if you don’t do some practicing tonight,” she barked back, making Heejin’s jaw drop.
“Hey, if what I say means anything, I think you’ll do great,” you defended.
Heejin raised her arms in disbelief. “At least someone has faith in me. It’d be nice if my best friend did too.”
Kayla giggled, dropping her shoulders a bit as you laughed at them. “Girl, I was kidding. I know you’ll nail it.” Kayla then turns to you, a thought popping into her head. “Y/n, you should come with us.”
You raised an eyebrow, confused. “Come where, to her audition?” It had been a while since you’ve done that with a friend. She nodded her head, yes. You looked at Heejin. “Would you be okay with that?”
Heejin thought on it for a second, looking back at her laptop, in deep thought again. “Yeah, I’m okay with it,” she responded, clicking on another dance practice video to watch. “I could use some extra support, I guess.”
You laughed to yourself, silently thinking about how shocked you still were with this new information about Heejin. Kayla saw you giggling and asked why.
“I just never thought Heejin, of all people, would want to be a K-pop idol.”
Heejin looked back at you again, slightly pouting. “I’ve always wanted to, actually. I just never thought it was realistic until our school clashed with SOPA and suddenly, I was actually surrounded by people I idolized,” she explained, beginning to sit up so that she could be in a more comfortable position. “Being around them everyday made me realize that they’re one hundred percent normal people too, they just made their dream possible with hard work and dedication. They’ve inspired me to want to do what I’ve always wanted. See, I was always taught to focus on my school work, my parents want me to be the best of the best. The only reason I go to this international school anyway is because my parents want me to familiarize myself with the English language. They’re sending me to Yale next year.”
Although she was frowning, you still couldn't help but to feel happy for her. “You got accepted into Yale? Heejin, that’s a big deal! Congratulations.” That’s more so how you saw her if you were being truthful. It’s not that she didn’t look like a K-pop idol, you thought she was beautiful. But for as long as you had been around her, she definitely came off more as the strict, straight A student type.
“Thanks, but it’s not what I want,” she whispered, looking down at her hands. “If I get accepted to this company tomorrow, then I’ll make it my goal to be the best trainee and idol there is and I won’t have to move abroad.” She started to smile at just the thought of it before she quickly went right back to looking somber upon the thought of her other option. “But if I don’t make it... I’ll just take it as a sign and stay in school. Do what my parents want, you know? I’m only giving this one shot.”
The room grew silent for a while, neither you or Kayla knowing what to say. All you could feel was bad for Heejin. You were starting to realize just how important this was to her and what that audition could possibly mean for her future.
Slowly, Kayla put her hand on Heejin’s shoulder. “Sis, you got this. I’ve seen you dance, I’ve seen you sing. You’re gonna kill it tomorrow.”
You shook your head, agreeing. “I’m sure you’ll get picked for just your visuals alone,” you joked, making Heejin laugh but you could see it in her face that she was starting to get overwhelmed thinking about it. “Let’s all practice together,” you suggested, getting Kayla to take a double look at you, shocked.
“Really?” she questioned.
You shook your head, yes. You were positive that you wanted to help Heejin overcome this and go into that audition with positive vibes only. “Heejin can pick the song.” You smiled at her, ready to have fun.
By the looks of it, this made her really happy. She grabbed her laptop and turned to the video she wanted you guys to help her practice. You guys danced and singed for hours until you all decided it was time to take a Netflix and snack break. To which, of course, resulted in you guys eventually falling asleep by accident, as it was 1AM at that point. But regardless of the outcome, to Heejin, you and Kayla helped shake the nerves off and for that, she was grateful.
A/N: Poor Heejin! smh. Unfortunately, no Jimin or Taehyung this chapter but this chapter plays into future chapters. They will be back very soon tho. Also! find out if Heejin makes it or not. I’ll upload again in a few hours, stay tuned! <3
PART 10
#jimin#taehyung#bts#bts scenarios#bts reactions#jimin x y/n#jimin x reader#taehyung x reader#taehyung x y/n#bts x reader#bts x y/n#bts x yn#bts angst#bts fluff#taehyung fluff#taehyung angst#jimin fluff#jimin angst#nct#jaehyun#taeyong#mark lee#kpop#kpop scenarios#kpop reactions#bts army#army#twice#loona#heejin
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Welcome to 2021
Ver. 2.1 - Ok. February but still, here we are. “Behold it’s me” as Logic would say. [...] I’m sorry I’m a bit shook because I started to write at 10:01AM, and it’s precisely 12:07AM, I was progressing pretty well in the process of writting and then I made a bad move and lost everything I wrote. I’m kinda mad. Really, I was this 👌 close to give up on writting it, and you can notice that the pixels are touching. But I guess the “I said I’d do it, so I’m going to do it” mentality is taking me places, once again. Even if I have to start again (that's called mental strength, take notes). And I said I’d write it baked so here I am, baked and hella motivated to do it. So, W shouldn’t help me reminding me what I wrote in the first version but nevermind. So I guess I'll put the most things I remember. I can tell there were good ideas ! I'll take this occasion to remind everyone the concept of these posts but first we will recap numbers of this year (well, more or less accurate for 2020 as I'm writting one month late) (and I'll fucking stop writting on the tumblr site and switch to OpenOffice so my next words are not lost again). 637 Nakamas (thank y'all for being here, even if I post 12847 times in a row. You're the best). 3609 posts and 23 376 likes. (109 drafts : lol it's less than a few weeks ago)
Pic : Plot twist 2. No more smile, but the return of the bowtie. (aka « The 4 days late suit » aka « I'm old enough to know better »)
The choice of this picture was so simple. Or maybe I should have chosen the one with the mustache only I took during lockdown ? Ahah. But … this picture could almost resume the year on its own. If I'd describe it in depth and explain the context, I could review 70% of the events that happened this year (and I think I'll go for that later, interesting exercise).
So. First let me explain the goal of these sums up. Each « Welcome to XXXX » is a resume, a sum up of the year XXXX-1. I write these for me, it's a funny way to keep track of all these years. I try to describe more or less precisely what happened during the year. I allow myself to be more or less precise because I firstly write these for me. And sometimes these posts tend to be long. Especially this one. It's gonna be sooo long. Like, idk maybe highlight this line and take a few seconds to scroll down and see how looooong it is. Kinda discouraging isn't it ? Lucky you it won't go on forever though as today, as I'm writting that it's 12:23PM and I'll have to be gone at 4 or 5PM. But I think contraints make art, even if I don't like to write under any kind of pressure. But I'm determined to do it in one take. So in these posts I also write about the TV Shows, manga, anime, movies I've seen/read. Even books, as I finally had the chance to read « Le Petit Prince » this year. We all know we had time this year, don't we ? And at the end, I post a 12 songs playlist (+ songs that I discovered this year that also are going to remind me of the year). We can roughly say it's « 1 song/1 month » but it's not always true. These songs are songs I like a lot, like really (but not necessarily my favorite) but above all, they remind me of the year I'm resuming (it can also be older songs). I also post my top 3 albums of the year. I'm thinking also of detailing my choices of playlist. Maybe not explaining all of them but a few. [12:36PM. And I'm already hungry.] On the 1st try I remember I talked about the TV shows I saw. I forgot to mention it but I write in English for a few reasons. First is : it helps me exercising my English. For me, it's the most beautiful langage to talk and it's a good occasion to do so. And then I actually enjoy writting in English. And it prevents unwanted people who don't master English to read all that (as it is pretty intimate). But joke's on me, I'm conscious the people I'd like to keep away from reading this all master English, and even better than me for some of them. (It surely is the case for 27 at least, even though we all know she still won't read this lol). Yes, I never drop names in these sum ups. Or at least, some names are blacklisted. I always chose a number to nominate them they would normally recognize themselves. So, talking about English, I've seen « Emily in Paris » on Netflix. It may surprize you but I'm very interested in dubbing. French dubbing is amazing. For example I bought « Spiderman » on PS4 this year and the french voice is the same voice actor as in the « Amazing Spider-Man » (yes the one with Andrew Garfield). (UNPOPULAR OPINION : Andrew Garfield actually is the best spiderman. Or at least the one I prefer and by far). Emily in Paris is funny because I watched it in English and it kinda disturbed me that it took place in Paris but everybody spoke English. On the other hand, if you watch it in French, langages people are talking become logical (French people speak french) but you'll have to deal with the DEADLY ANNOYING French voice of Emily. And her accent. I think I just watched 1 or 2 episodes like that, I couldn't take more ?. If you have time you should take 5 seconds to listen to what I'm talking about. But it was quite a good show. It was so fun to see these streets I've been visiting for so long in a Netflix show. By the way, I think it's easy to say that I'm missing Paris so much. But not only for the tourism, but most and foremost for the competitions. Before being a tourist I was a competitor there. So, I'm missing Paris but I'm also missing karate competitions. And also just karate. I haven't stepped on a tatami for 3 weeks and it still seems like it won't get better, and we all know why. I'm curious if I could talk about this year without mentioning a very famous virus but I think it's just impossible. But this virus gave me a lot of time in March and April. Maybe less in November tho. I could finally finish The Walking Dead, which last seasons were surprisingly good. And it was so fun to watch the reactions of people on Youtube [#]. Talking about karate competitions, I also watched Cobra Kai ! What an amazing job they did there. Adding more depth to the first movie, it's funny to change perspective and see that the Daniel we were rooting for wasn't that much of a « perfect good guy » we saw (I'm not talking about the kick in the face etc). It's also funny to notice I kinda went fro Daniel to Johnny lol. But having a Netflix show talking about martial arts and value they teach to their students ? It was perfect, even more when you see that some of my students also saw it so when we were training I was refering to it they almost all got it. And it's also funny to see that it's not as Manichean as the 1st movie was. It's a 9/10 for me. If I read the last sum up right, I said : « This year 2020 I really need to watch Kimetsu no yaiba, Jojo, Violet evergarden, Gintama and i have to keep ready 7 deadly sins. » So : Kimetsu no Yaiba was dope. The anime was beautiful and the manga was very entertaining. Not a top tier manga but definitively a good one. Jojo's anime was cool but too long. I stopped after season 2 or 3 I guess ? Violet Evergarden was TRASH (and very bad for a date, if you ask me) and I didn't take time to explore the 2 others. I also saw : Assassination classroom (5/10, i couldn't finish it so i skipped directly to the last episode, was as moving as people said), Validé (8/10, with an insane final episode), No Game No Life (8,5/10, i loved it), Freaks and Geeks (7,5 but i didn't finish it, I really like the old school vibe), Code geass (7/10, great anime and great opening). I finally discovered Community and it was worth it. What a funny show. And what a pleasure to see Mr Donald Glover on screen. Makes me think that I need to watch Atlanta again. The problem with Community is the last seasons broke the 4th wall too much for me, it became painful to watch. But the 3 or 4 seasons are crazy. Another show that was even more funny : IT Crowd. I finally had the chance to see the episode of « I came here to drink milk and kick ass, and I just finished my milk ». This show is a 9,25/10. Grand Army was also a great show of 2020. Dom is an amazing character (but I already said it). Kengan Ashura was also so cool ! I think it's what Baki would have liked to become. This year I also started to watch « American horror Story » again (alone and not alone). These last seasons were awesome. I also converted Elodi to «my hero academia », it was so cool to share that. Other things I saw : SAO S4 (AMAZING, SO BEAUTIFUL), Erased, SNK Last season) ; The Mandalorian, 24's 9th season.« Queen's gambit » have been one of the greatest show I've seen this year. And I really want to say that I played chess before the show came out (add me on Lichess if you want to play with me. Same username. I'm not strong -about 1000 ELO I guess- but I'm always happy to play and learn). If you want a precise idea of my level, on the chess.com app, I can beat Emir 🇹🇷 (1000 ELO) often but I didn't win once against Sven 🇸🇰 (who is ~1100 ELO). I'm so happy talking about all these lengthen the post even more. Kinda satisfying. But I could also talk about Tekken and chess this year. I think I have a thing with dueling sports. I'm a Karate competitor, I love Tekken and I like chess. I guess someone has something to prove haha. But come on, chess is incredible. For the 1st lockdown, I was just playing (not alone) but I wanted to make progress just by practicing. And that's how I got BB 5 or 7 (yes, it means Beat By = my number of loss in a row). But at the end of the 2nd lockdown I finally allowed myself to study a little more, thanks to Youtube (once again). This is SO INTERESTING. Like the strategies, the top players. French content creators are fun but I like american ones more. Eric Rosen is my favourite. He's always calm, he often finds solutions. GothamChess is also very entertaining. You can say by how he talks he has been a teacher. He's great. So, once again on some shonen shit, I started studying more. Mid December, a kid beat me 2 times in a row. He's a smart kid, I like him. He didn't brag or anything. And then, during Christmas Holidays I spent 2 or 3 hours a day watching chess videos. I guess he hasn't been able to beat me since then haha. By the way I should play with him later on today. Playing chess is a way for me to make sure my brain doesn't let me down, like gym for the brain. At least, it's what I thought when I started but I quickly discovered that it's a game of patterns recognizing, so memory is really challenged here. I mean, in the middlegame you have to be smart to get by but at the beginning and ending … you have to know your openings. I have also thought of joining a club but I don't know if chess communities are benevolent. I also noticed that high ranked players seem to have strong personalities. And then for Tekken (yes, 3 years and a half later I'm still on this game) I'm still making progress. In March, someone made me want to play Heihachi. What a funny character. Not top tier, but fun. Leroy Smith is also fun to play. There was no offline tournament but I won one, the 1st organized by Tekken Toulouse and finished 5th at the second. It's funny to live that level of stress straight from my bed. Usually, that kind of stress making my whole body trembling is usually found nearby tatamis of Karate competitons. (Yes, these Tekken tournaments make me stressful and that's the reason I can't play Jin in tournaments). But Eddy is still a sure value. Still progressing in movement, and whiff punishing. Mishimas are getting more consistent on electrics but it's not perfect. By the way, if you love fighting games and Bruce Lee, there's a video you need to see (whoever you are) : [#]. If you're really interested in these topics, you should appreciate this video as much as I did [2:10 PM. I have eaten, but now I have the feeling that I'm late.] Btw I don't skip line to add some « length » effect. Once again I'm sorry if making it until here was painful to read, but I need to make this paragraph the least attractive I can. This line I'm writting is almost on the 3rd page of OpenOffice. And I try to avoid using emojis, so there's just text. Tout dans le fond, pas de forme. Also, congratulations for making it until here, you must be very motivated. I'm writting slowly because it's the 1st time I write this by daytime, and I swear at the begining people were harassing me ahah. It's fun because the sum up of 2019 was so short. Just with its form, you can tell how 2019 have been peaceful. I don't remember if I talked about it already but a disaster could have happened in September/October 2019. But karate kept my mind busy so the worst have been avoided. Time spent on the tatamis kept me away from overthinking about my problems. And that was a good strategy indeed. Because in 2020 it wasn't the same. If we count right. Dojos were opened in January, February, 1st half of march, reopened in September and october, closed on november and opened in December (Mon Dieu quel … CASSE-TEX hahaha merci c'est tout pour moi). It was a weird karate year. Today is the 1 year anniversary of my last competition. During the 1st lockdown, I had litteraly no desire to train. Some of you know why. But let's talk a bit more about COVID and lockdowns. The most important thing is that I didn't spent the 1st lonely. This was the most challenging time of my life, but I can say that I made it thanks to 0808 so I'm eternally grateful for that. So, if we recap months by months : January was a funny month. One thing that I thought a miracle happened (until I found out months later what a real miracle was). I also almost went into a brawl. I guess this weird ass month set the tone for the 11 months to follow. February … was one of the calmest month. I had an awesome dojo session in Balma with 0808 in February. I think there were a lot of beautiful sunsets this month. Guess our weather power was at its peak. These 3 1st months of 2020 had a lot of trainings, even if I was injured due to kumite. March and April are kinda the same for me. I won't talking long about these but I'd simply say that I'm glad that I hadn't to write to 27. So, the Miracle happened by mid April. Mid april to mid may, it was cool. We were at home but … the weather was nice, I was doing sport everyday (but no real karate trainings) and I could keep this rythm of exercising until … Half July, which is good. It's the first time in my life I'm that consistent in doing sports at home. From mid may, I started to train with Coach O. on a weekly basis. It was incredible. These days were still bliss in my mind. I was there, no « real problems » in mind, I wasn't alone, I was making progress physically … It was really great. And from mi may to end of July, it kept getting better.Indeed, I fell in love again in January and it was getting stronger by the months. It's been a while I haven't fell this hard for someone. But she gave it back to me nicely. And then … Mala suerte 3.0. This point of the sum up is funny because I do remember when I talked about mala suerte in the other sum ups. I do realize how it's always the same thing when I write those : « 1st part of the year is cool, then not cool, then cool again but in a weird way because I have insane difficulties to repair broken parts of me » but hey. This time it's not my fault. It makes me realize how cyclic all this is. So, August, September and October have been terrible and chaotic months. A level of sadness rarely reached until there. Maybe comparable to September 2018. A high level of anger also. But still, with rare occasions to train, so no occasions to let go off steam. In fact, let's talk a bit about this anger. I've always took a lot of pride in the fact that I could most of the time remain calm in a lot of situations. Plus, being patient isn't something natural but … I learned to be through the years. I was so surprised to notice how angry I became … It simply wasn't me. But the reason is simple : I really think karate brings me balance in life, on a lot of levels (and it concerns me a lot for when I'll stop competing one day …). But I realized it so I'm working on it. In 2020, I led a lot of fights, sometimes I won and often I lost, but I also avoided a lot of them. One of the reasons I think I'm not ready to be a good partner is first I think I'm too angry. I don't think I could be mean to my partner but … I think I could be annoying to deal with. But mainly, I'm not ready to better myself now. To find the good partner, you need to become a good partner first, and this is precisely what I'm not ready to become. Despite being not perfect, I'm fine that way and I know how far from perfect I'm right now. But nevermind. This is the kind of state of mind you can't afford when you're in a relationship. I'm not saying you need to change to fit your partner's ideals. But if you notice something's wrong in your behaviour/habits and don't want to correct it, you might be a bad partner (but I could be wrong, I'm not a couple therapist lol).
Oh. And that's the moment I can describe my photo to tell the story differently. So this shot was taken precisely on Sunday, 4th of October. 1302 got confirmed so we had to go to the Temple du Salin. I went there with my father and he decided to rock a bowtie so I wanted to match him. It was so fun. That was the first time we stepped in a church after « all these events ». It was a strong moment for me. So, this picture (taken by me, thank you tripod) was taken 4 days after I « took a gamble ». I took a lot of gambles this year. One memorable gamble that lead to beautiful pictures of Toulouse was on August 27th (lol). This was after our breakup. I gave her an adress and an hour, and I hopped she would come. She never came so this was a lost gamble. (So I had a great time watching « Back to the future » outdoors, on a big movie screen, but I was alone). But this time was different. I did suppose she would be at one place on a certain day at the end of September. And I gambled right because she was there. And even if the context was so particular, I can tell we had a great time. I was so ready that I put on my best white shirt, because I knew she kinda liked it. I was there to win her back but I simply failed. Guess the shirt wasn't enough. So it was funny to wear the full suit 4 days later, I was like « Dude, nice effort but it's too late lol» (plus the Temple du Salin is on the other side of the closest bridge from her home) but I still hopped to cross her road on that day. Oh and as we're analyzing this picture, I really like the bokeh on the autmun-colored leaves. I had the luck to have a very sweet light when I took these pictures. And the post processing was really funny. I have a lot of versions of this picture indeed. But all these colors in the background always make me think of a quote I love : « Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go » and this quote is so damn right. I discovered this year that I have difficulties to let things go. The thing is I hate injustice. I hate to see things that litteraly belong to me, things I deserve, simply run away from me. Sometimes I'm telling myself it's just my karma making me pay for all the شيطان I've done in the past. But other times I just try to convince myself to let go. It's been the 2nd most challenging thing this year. These levels of depression have never been reached before. But still, here I am. But not stronger than before. I had this conversation a few weeks ago about « what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ». To support this idea, some people might evoke the principle of « Kintsugi » as an example. But I strongly disagree about the first statement. I'm not a goddamn bowl. I take the example of my lower belly scar : it didn't kill me but it didn't get stronger either. That's the exact opposite indeed. Sometimes it still hurts even though it's been done 12 years ago (the last time it hurt was this night, almost stopping me from finding sleep). It's a personal opinion but what didn't kill me made me weaker. And I'm not just talking about physical injuries. Losing the ability to trust after all these events isn't what I'd call « getting stronger », even though « I didn't do anything wrong ». That's an expensive price. Bref. I think you can overcompensate with something else but the damaged parts may stay weak after. [3:03 PM. So I have about 1 hour to finish it. Easy.] There's one thing I wanted to talk about in this sum up, related to the fact of « being strong ». I read Blach again (you can tell by my december posts) and I started with the lost agent arc, followed by the TYBW arc. There's 2 things about it : its poetry, through the words and the drawings will always amaze me (it amazed me even if it’s the 2nd time I’me reading it), and the 2nd thing : I love how Ichigo become stronger. He lost his Shinigami powers but then found his Fullbring powers. And that is very important because he becomes strong again, but it's a different kind of strong and I LOVE THIS. It's like in real life. I was very strong in June 2012 (videos as proof), but it's not the same strong as in July 2017 or April/November 2018. June and July 2020 have been a different kind of strong. Not that I gained 10 kgs in 2 months (unfortunately) but I was exercising daily. I was getting my body ready for the supposed heavenly month of August that was awaiting me (us). Unfortunately there was no videos of karate at this period (but I made some in september!) but I was feeling great physically. In fact. This May/June/July 2020 period could be considered as “bliss” for me. Of course there was some background problems but ... Mentally I was getting back on my feet, I was deeply in love, physically pretty feeling myself. Plus on the 1st half of July i could go back to the tatamis ... I swear this level of peace and life appreciation have rarely been reached before. Well, this concept of getting stronger differently is almost obsessing me for a simple reason : I'm feeling like I'm getting older. 27 is a weird age for competing in karate. If I look back, I realize I'm older than William when he stopped (it's his birthday tomorrow!!). Also older than Zak, Teddy and so on. I guess I'll never be physically like 10 or 5 years ago but I'm really asking myself if I can be better. But as seen as the pains I go through after the trainings … It's going to be complicated. Plus I did my body wrong this year. There was pain in mars, april, august, september, october, november and december. I tried a lot of things to make it go. I tried to smoke it, i tried to sleep it, i tried to drink it also. I tried to fuck it of course but none of these things worked. But can we consider I won if only my cock still works ? Compared to 2018 : yes it is a win. And at least when I'm with someone, that makes less time crying and overthinking shit. Anyway, I also tried to smoke it really hard. And that's an habit I'll have trouble to let go but nvmd. Still, one of my 2021 resolutions is to smoke less. Also, I took a funny resolution that is : « I'm not accepting defeat this year ». And I realized only a few days after taking it how hard it will be. I'm not dumb, when defeat is unavoidable, I'll just take it. But I decided to be a real Scorpio and be more stubborn than ever. We can say it's above all pride. Same pride as Vegeta, Bakugo or even Endeavour. Really touched me when Bakugo talked about « Absolute victory ». Sometimes I find myself too soft. I'm not going to become an awful person (or at least, not more awful than I am right now). I'll still be kind … But I'll go get the victories I deserve a little harder. Talking about my age, I'm a bit deceived I have no close old friends to share the memories. Every one is kinda gone. Sometimes it's my fault, and sometimes it's just people who are shit but life's like this. Also, every year I try to think of my best encounter of the year. It's kinda hard because sometimes, you meet someone a few years earlier but you really get to know each other later etc … So I'm not clear if this should count only people met this year or simply the people I've spent the best times with. Because I received a curious message this summer and my God. What a luck she took the chance to write me. We realized a few days ago we were in the same class in 10th grade (2nde) (we saw the class picture, what a laughter we had). We get along so well. And it's the proof that 2nd chances deserve to be given. I swear that I also lost some important people this year. But I'm not fighting to get people back anymore. I've done it too much and I'm simply done. People need to realize it's a luck to be in my life. I have my ways but you'll hardly find a friend that's patient and kind as I am. But nevermind, it always makes more time and attention for the people who are here, who really care for my hapiness. Focusing on the people who are here was one of the main concern this year, for a lot of reasons. I thought I was good for selecting the good people in my life but looks like I still can improve. So I'm still letting people go off my life. [3:36PM. Guess I said mostly what I had to say. Maybe 5 pages is enough, but maybe not.] Oh I can still tell the rest of the year. November have been one peaceful month. Away from all the obsessions. Focused on me. No karate but still courses by videoconference. The weather was very sweet even tho it was November. This second lockdown was not that funny but we've seen worst. And December … had it's ups and downs. It was cool to meet my kids 1 month after all these video courses. They clearly got stronger, it was cool. I could also talk about my experience as a sensei this year because there's a lot to say. At the beginning of February, it was my last competition but also for my kids. We litteraly took the competition by storm. On était TROP CHAUDS. But then the Covid stopped us. We kinda were ready for Occitanie championship, if you forget that I was sick the week before the competition. I'd have loved so much to see how far their training would have taken them on this competition. But thank God they cancelled it, guess He didn't want to see me lose ahah. So, I've seen a lot of kids getting better. What a pleasure. Later on this year I told them that I wanted to see them become stronger than me. Seems cliché, but I'm happy they took it seriously. Of course I'm dead serious. We also talked about I will be waiting for them in Senior. Hope they'll continue until then. And above all I hope I will still be competing. I really want to have a positive impact on these kids, competitors or not. And I guess it's working. (Btw I'll surely do a post about Whitebeard soon, just to show him love). So. What lessons can we draw from this chaotic year ? Always treat your high school comrades well. Be picky about who you let in your life. Before engaging in a relationship, ask why her previous relationship ended. Trust no B. (And BBW's are heaven sent). Now it's 3:50PM and I guess I'm done. But I keep myself the possibility to add things if I think of things to add. It's 6 pages long (Arial, 12) but if I can make it longer I will.
[Friday. 00:55AM] Edit : Ok. The story is funny. I really wanted to finish that in one day. So I wrote the previous lines between 10 AM and 4 PM Wednesday knowing I would need more time, just to check and to add a few more details. And one of those Lonely Wednesday Night would have been perfect just to finish the job. So I planned to finish it on wednesday night but the fact is I forgot my computer home …. So here I am one day later. Still baked, so still in the right state of mind to do it. It gave me time to proofread myself (?) and most importantly, it gave me time to read again some of my previous sum ups. It was interesting to compare how they're all different, and also how my writting evolved. Tbh I think I'm becoming more comfortable with my English. Or maybe the more I express myself, the more I look at ease with the langage. This sum up is the longest I've ever written. But still, I'll add things because I still haven't told everything. For example, I haven't spoken about the fact that all the Kazamastar adventure might be closer to the end than the beginning. Like, I'm not immediatly done with all that. I'm still having a lot of fun here. Anon visitors are also part of the game, but it's still all fun. It also keeps my « photograph eye » opened. This makes me think of the quote «I want to be so awfully happy that I never need to write poetry again. » [#] and more precisely I'm thinking about : do I post more when I'm happy or sad ? But I noticed this tumblr kinda works like therapy for me. (And especially, this post is a therapy by itself. Wednesday I woke up feeling bad, lower belly aching and making this post really helped me going through the day.) I post a lot when I'm sad but it really allows me to get all of these negative feelings out of me. I do stylize things but I know I'm not a poet or anything. But can you imagine being so happy that you don't write again ? Would be an amazing feeling. (Indeed, I've already done it once [#]. I've ended a blog on a perfect happiness and yes it felt amazing. ) Imagine if I do it here. After all the trials and tribulations I went through, it would be a perfect way to finish this tumblr. But as I'm speaking, I think there's like … less than 5% chance that it ends happily. If it does, it could be in a long time. I have a few ideas of when and how it could end, but Imma have to keep these selfishly for myself. You'll see when we'll get there.:) Also, I'm realizing right now the things I'm adding to the text make the timestamps through the text a bit less accurate but that's just a detail. [2:37 AM] Earlier I talked about this blog being a therapy for me. But it’s not only this tumblr. This year I proudly finished another tumblr (yes you can guess I was proud as I posted about that 17325 times already and pinned a post). This was such a relief to end it after letting it still for litteraly 2 years. Well that’s it for tonight !
No transition : let's go for the explanations of my choices for the playlist followed by the playlist itself. It's kinda easy to understand why « la mienne » is here, for the first month. This “I can’t touch you I’m not allowed to” really made me think of someone and this someone came back. Incredible. The next song with a Boogie is perfect for February. Very peaceful month, really full of very good moments (in the backseat of a certain car for example). The 2 next songs are for March. These are kinda « lockdown anthems » as The Weeknd album came out right at that time and so did Laylow's. Plus « Escape from LA » have the vibe I really love from Abel. 2 next songs are for April. Dsvn really smashed when he put that « A muse in her feelings » album. (and the « Amusing her feelings » is even better but that won't happen before January 2021). The sequence between « Outlandish – Keep it going - flawless » was one of the best thing I heard musically this year. But keep it going is insane. « Meilleurs » from Oboy is … special. And so are the 2 following songs. Meilleurs is now blacklisted but it's still one good song. But I can't listen to it anymore. Maybe that's exactly because it reminds me June and July. Count me in reminds me precisely of August 8th. Btw what a funny day, very far from all expectations we built up through the years (let's remind that the countdown started with more that 400 days, but I guess patience and loyalty is not always rewarded). I might digress from the playlist one second, but on this day we were in Treilles with the guys, and thank God I had them in this moment ... That’s when I drank to heal, with “count on me” for soundtrack. For September, I hesitated between « DEUX TOILES DE MER » or « MEVTR » (which means « Meilleur d'Entre Vous Tous Reunis », the 1st stage name of Damso). Damso’s flow on MEVTR is huge. He makes a whole verse rhyme and on but … 2 toiles is more iconic. Talking about iconic, « Bande organisée » wasn't a masterpiece but a force to be reckoned with (i find this expression funny ahah). I mean, in hip hop nowadays we don't see often rappers teaming up with big groups like that. Plus on this song particularly some of them have interesing flows and a lot of energy. And you can tell it comes from the South. Not of them are goods, some are excellent but this makes a very decent track. « Route 66 » was cool, even tough it's for November (so 2nd lockdown) it gave me really lovely vibes. And I take this occasion talking about November 2020 to remind it was the 10th anniversary of Kanye West's MBDTF and I celebrated it the right way héhé. Finally, this featuring is really ending the year well. Dinos dropped an insane album, his best since a long time and Tayc also (respectively « Stamina, » and « Fleur froide »). So having them on the same track was risky but it paid very well, incredible vibe from those two combined. They could have been in the top 3 albums but some people made better than them. Trinity is my top 1 one 2020. The concept, the musics … it was INSANE. QALF was also great. It's insane to see Damso get rid of « artistic barriers » to focus only on sound and music. No communication etc … Just music. And Eternal Atake from Lil Uzi Vert because it was long awaited but also because it was perfect, also a 1st lockdown album so it helped me forget my loneliness but so much good tracks ! And finally we have the very special songs that I coudn't tell why I like them. I just love their vibes. So now is 4:15 PM and I'm offically finished but I still have to tweak it. Know I won't hesitate to add things that are related to 2020 and that come to my mind :) Thanks for reading me. Have a lovely day, or night.
2020 Playlist
Tayc – La mienne (Accoustic)
A Boogie – Reply feat Lil Uzi Vert
The Weeknd – Escape for LA
Laylow – Nakré
dvsn – Keep it goin ✨
PartyNextDoor – Believe it feat Rihanna
Trippie Redd & Russ – The Way
OBOY - Meilleurs
Kehlani - Serial Lover
Juice WRLD & Marshmello - Come and go
THEY. - Count me in
Damso - Deux toiles de mer
13 Organisé - Bande organisée
Joe Dwet File - Route 66
Dinos & Tayc - Je wanda
Spécial : Lil Tecca - Last Call YNW Melly - City girls
Jessame - Times we had ~ Dennis Lloyd - Never go back ~ Elliot Trent - computer love
3 top albums de 2020 :
Trinity de Laylow - Qalf de Damso - Eternal atake de Lil Uzi vert
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I’m thinking of starting a blog soon! So uh- if you can answer, if the axis and allies were to go to a fine arts school, what would they do/major in? Thank you! Keep up the good work!
Hell yeah!!! Welcome to the club, bucko!
China: Yao would be a piano master! He takes multiple classes for piano and flute! And he plays the harp too but his heart will always belong to the piano. He takes public speaking classes cause he isn’t the best at it and he learns Chinese instruments with his mom at home :) the way he performs always leaves people in awe, his expressions and the way he plays makes the whole experience magical!! His teachers adore him!
Russia: Ivan is a dancer, watch out man cause he’ll crush your head with his thighs. He’s super tall and strong so he gets the male lead most of the time for ballet performances put on by the school! Cause he lifts his partner so easily and just...glides around that stage! Ivan looks great in sequins and cakey stage makeup :) and he takes very good care of himself, he’s got a *self care* routine that every other dancer at the school is jealous of. He doesn’t talk much cause he doesn’t see the need when he can just express himself through dance! Ivan can do the splits...He enjoys dropping into the splits at home or in the hall at school to freak out his friends and sisters
America: Alfred wants to be a comedian so he’s taking a bunch of theater, public speaking and improv classes! When he’s on stage, he owns it! And he can do a handful of accents! Al’s great at comedic storytelling and takes a LOT of inspiration from Jerry Seinfeld and John Mulaney. He watches their shows/performances and makes notes on them! He’s done multiple assignments on them too so at this point, Al’s teachers know as much about Jerry and John as Al does...RIP
England: Artie wanted to be a musician and came to this performing arts school to learn different instruments like guitar or drums but when he grew out of his punk phase in 10th grade, he realized he wanted to be a writer! So he’s taking theater classes and advanced English/poetry classes to learn as much as he can before being spat back out into the real world to fend for himself. He writes a lot of love poems and then burns them in his fireplace at home cause he believes they’re not good enough. Alfred did a comedy sketch about him once, mocking his accent, and Art threatened to beat him up behind Denny’s at 2am
Canada: Mattie wants to SCULPT!!! Let’s hear if for art bois!!! People expect him to be funny like Al cause they’re twins but Matt just wants to listen to Tessa Violet and sculpt pretty ladies out of wood...That’s all he wants to do :( he takes painting classes and a lot of business related classes cause if he’s gonna sell his art, he wants to know how money works cause it ain’t like anyone else is gonna teach him! He also enjoys widdling and will widdle things out of soap if you ask nicely and buy him a cookie from the lunchroom! His favorite thing to make outta soap are boots “cause you don’t expect soap to be shapes like shoes!”...Nerd
France: Francis has hopped from thing to thing many times! He came to the school for ballet, and continues to take ballet classes, but he found out how much he loved to paint after messing around during tech week for the school’s Big Spring Production as he helped paint the backdrops. So he’s conflicted. He’s been dancing since he was young but he’s found something else he loves! Oh how sad! Fran’s a big drama queen but he’s got such a diverse circle of friends: the writers, actors, dancers, art kids, he knows tons of people and is always out and about! If he sees you crying in the dressing room he’ll run over and hug you! But if you’re his dancing partner he can be very picky “Ugh, NON, stop sickling your foot it looks atrocious!”
S.Italy: Oooooooh boy, Lovino to be a photographer for big brands like GUCCI or Louis Vuitton! But you gotta start at the bottom and work your way up! Lovi is extremely short tempered when he has to work with people his own age and has made his brother cry many times by yelling and nagging. “NO! Look at the CAMERA not ME! You idiot now look! You moved and now he shot’s blurry, nice job!” But despite that, you’ll still find him crying as he edits photos cause he waited until the last possible movement to turn everything in and now he’s gotta cram! But then his perfectionist side kicks in and then he cries even MORE cause ‘I don’t have enough time to make the picture perfect but it needs to look perfect! But I don’t have enough time-‘
N.Italy: Feli wants to be a PAINTER and not just any painter, a realist painter. He loves taking Lovi’s pictures to paint! He goes around and will take pictures of students, with their permission, and will paint them super realistically! He’s painted Ivan and Yao many times cause they’re his buddies and he appreciates them so much!! He’s been to every show their school has put on and he’s always there to cheer others on at art shows, even if he didn’t submit anything to that show. He and Matt work together in the studio sometimes! Matt will let him paint a sculpture or Feli will paint Matt whike he’s working. Feli talks and talks while Mattie listens without a complaint :)
Prussia: Gil is a band boy, he plays the saxophone, clarinet and flute. He’s got a big ol’ lung capacity! He loves music and uses it as a coping mechanism. When he’s having Albino Aches, he plays music to get through it, when he’s frustrated with his peers he plays the sax dramatically and if he’s feeling like a gremlin, he’ll play All Star on the flute to annoy Francis during practice. “Gil! Get out of here!” *vigorous flute sounds*. Gil plays in the pit for shows so even though you don’t see him much, he’s loud and he’s there! He and Yao DONT get along cause Yao is very very serious about music while Gil is just good at it and enjoys it. He doesn’t plan on making a career out of it but he’s having a great time while he’s playing!
Germany: Lud is in an advanced choir and has such a beautiful singing voice UGH DUDE! He gets super embarassed when you compliment him or when Gilbert’s yelling ‘THATS MY BABY BROTHER!! WOOO!!!!’ From the crowd. He’s a freshman there but he auditioned for a hiiiigh up choir and easily got in! He takes great care of his voice, no unnecessary yelling and definetly no smoking. He chides others in his choir for doing so but hey, at the end of the day, Lud knows he’ll just take their places when they ruin their voices! Lud wants to make a career out of singing cause he just...Loves it so much. He worries so much about being in a real serious choir one day :0 His worst fear is that he’ll fail every auditom he goes to! His dad assures him that that won’t happen...And he trusts his dad...So he’ll power through it and sing his kil’ heart out
Japan: Kiku and a few friends want to make their own manga one day! That’s the goal! But for now, they’re all settling for advanced drawing classes and painting classes. They don’t exactly have manga courses at school so they practice that on their own time. They’ve made a bunch of friends through their art program though! And since Kiku speaks English, Japanese and Chinese, he tutors other students who wish to learn those languages! That way he gets money to buy fancy copics :) he doesn’t work for the big showcases or anything like that, he prefers to keep to himself, but his teachers put his art in school art shows constantly!
Long postttttt thanks for reading :) yeeeehaw!
#aph#hetalia#ask away!#headcanons#hetalia headcanons#asks#always up for hc requests#aph france#aph england#aph america#aph china#aph russia#aph canada#aph allies#aph axis#aph japan#aph prussia#aph romano#aph italy#aph germany#long post#long post warning
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0.
(The Nogitsune stole something precious from Stiles, but it left knowledge in its wake.
Stiles swears she will never use it.
Stiles is a liar.)
1.
“I don’t want kids,” Peter tells her early on.
I don’t want anything more to lose, Stiles hears, and agrees.
(Stiles has always wanted children. At least three - enough that the child wouldn’t be alone, wouldn’t have only its fallible parents to rely on.)
(Stiles probably won’t live long enough for kids to be viable, and she wants Peter more.)
Ana glows with happiness. Peter trails behind her, fond and amused, a tiny dress in hand. “Something more like this, sweetheart,” he says, holding up the outfit with a flourish. Ana rolls her eyes but laughs, and Stiles aches.
They’re in love, she realizes.
It’s somehow worse than the fact that Peter was married at all.
Peter calls his wife sweetheart, and once he called Stiles that too, and she wants to scream and break apart the world.
It wasn’t fair, none of it was fair, but that wasn’t anything new.
Mate was nothing when you had wife and child. Stiles was just a last resort, as always. Something that allowed Peter to cling to his sanity.
And if he was gentle with her, if he kissed and worshiped and acted like he loved her, that was down to instinct.
The Hale’s would all live - Stiles had already guaranteed that.
At the time, she hadn’t realized she would be damning herself.
And worse yet, she would have done it regardless.
2.
(Malia is dead, and Stiles watches Peter break over the daughter he’s never known. Over the woman she’ll never have the chance to become.
“Talia stole her from me,” he whispers into her neck, later, curled together in the darkness. Seeking solace in one another.
“I must have wanted her.” He murmurs, half crazed. “Why else would she have taken my memories?”)
3.
Malia is running around the woods as a coyote, the Hale’s are alive, and Talia is doing nothing.
(Stiles has never been one to get angry on her own behalf, but for others she tore apart realities.)
She cradled the eight year old on her hip and bangs on the Hale house door, a snarl curling her lips.
David answers, smile faltering as he takes in the visitors.
“I need to speak with your wife privately.”
He opens his mouth to protest, but then his nostrils flare. His eyes widen in surprise, and he breathes deeply again, searching for confirmation as his eyes bore into the side of Malia’s head.
Scent is largely environmental, but wolves can still identify each other by it if they’ve met before. Talia wasn’t alone in secreting away Peter’s child, it seemed. Stiles bared her teeth. “Now.”
David hardly hesitates, just meets her unfaltering gaze and frowns. He nods sharply, turns on his heel and leads her upstairs. He raps on the open door of Talia’s home office even as Stiles is already striding past him, and Talia is rising to her feet to meet her.
“What were you thinking?” Stiles hisses, fingers curling into ineffective claws. “They weren’t equipped to take care of her. Do you have any idea how much damage you’ve done?! You turned a little girl into a killer!”
Stiles wants children. She’s always wanted children.
She can’t have them, though.
The Nogitsune took many things.
It takes that, too.
4.
“Don’t forget me,” Malia begged.
They were parked in front of Peter’s cottage, and Stiles had just been helping Malia out of the jeep when the girl jumped up and wrapped around her like a barnacle. She clung tight, cold nose nuzzling into her neck, legs wrapped around her waist.
“Of course not, lionheart,” Stiles cooed, putting one arm under Malia to support her and scenting her back with the other. “I care about you. Whatever your father decides, I’m here for you always.”
“You have Mischief, though,” Malia whispered.
“You can love more than one person at a time, Lia.”
The girl huffed against her neck. Stiles waited, knowing there was more. Something Malia had been holding back for days, ever since Stiles told her who they were visiting.
“What if they don’t want me?”
“They want you,” Stiles said firmly. “If they didn’t, your father wouldn’t have fought so hard for this meeting. Take a breath baby girl. You are my pack. Mieczyslaw adores you, and I will always want you.”
Malia took a big breath and exhaled against her neck. Stiles ran a hand through her hair a few more times, before kneeling down to set Malia on her feet. “Are you ready?”
Malia nodded, curls bouncing. Stiles smiled, touching their foreheads together. “You’re an extraordinary girl, Lia. Very smart and brave. They would have to be brain dead not to like you.”
Malia bit her bottom lip against a smile. Nodded again.
“Hold my hand?”
“Of course.”
5.
“I’m not letting go of Stiles’ hand,” Malia said matter-of-factly. “That way she can’t leave me with you.”
Peter blinked down at his daughter, looking torn between amusement and sadness. Ana smiled.
“Well she’s certainly yours, Peter. Kid doesn’t pull any punches.”
Stiles ran a hand through honey curls, tightening her grip obligingly.
“I encouraged her to be clear with what she wants,” Stiles admitted. “Kids don’t get much of a say, but she should in this. It’s her life. She doesn’t deserve to be railroaded by adults that think they know best.”
(She says she doesn’t want to be around Mommy and they say ‘you might not have much time left.’ What they mean is ‘too bad,’ and ‘suck it up,’ and Stiles will carry the mental and physical scars of that for years to come.)
(Children didn’t magically gain the right to say ‘no,’ and be listened to at a certain age, but the world seemed to think that’s when you have to start paying attention.)
“I believe that’s a good course of action,” Peter allowed, eyeing Stiles keenly before dismissing her for his daughter. “Hopefully you can grow to like us as much as you do Stiles, sweetheart.”
Malia looked dubious, but shrugged. “Maybe.”
“What do you like to do, Malia?”
“I used to braid my sisters hair a lot,” she says. “I know fishtail braids, and French braids, and normal braids. But Kiley is dead and Stiles has short hair, so I don’t do that anymore.”
Ana doesn’t seem to know what to say to that, and even Peter is faltering, unsure how to deal with grief in such a young and blunt package.
Stiles doesn’t have that struggle. She knows how different a child’s grief is, how their minds aren’t yet adult and don’t conform to certain expectations.
“I only know how to braid normally,” Stiles tells her. “Though Mischief is growing out his hair, and I’m sure it will be long enough to braid in another year or so, if he doesn’t get tired of it by then. You can teach me your special ways then.”
Malia tilts her head, then nods slowly. “Okay. I’m not a good teacher like you, though.”
“I’m probably not the best student,” Stiles says in turn. “What about you guys? Any braiding knowledge?”
“I only know the French braid and standard,” Ana admitted.
“Standard here, too, though I do make a mean bun.”
“How is it mean?”
“Mean as in ‘oh sweet, awesome!’ not rude.”
“Oh! That’s cool, I guess.”
Stiles grins at the girl, brushing a hand through her hair. “English is very cool. But it’s not your favorite, yeah?”
“No, geography ‘s better! ‘Cause different places have different climates and cultures and surroundings, and mom could speak three languages, and I wanna grow up to be just like her!”
“An admirable goal,” Peter says, and Stiles is glad neither of the Hale’s look stricken. “It’ll be hard work.”
Malia shrugs and nods in the same motion. “Stiles and Mischief are helping me learn Polish, and then Stiles says once I can speak pretty fluidly—”
“Fluently,” Stiles corrects absently.
“We can start learning Spanish!”
“You’re trilingual as well?” Ana asks. She looks impressed.
“More or less.”
Stiles is fine - comfortable, even - keeping the conversation engaging when it’s on Malia. Her, however… well, she hardly wants to become close to Peter and his pregnant wife.
“I’m rather assuming more?” Peter prompts, one eyebrow cocked. A familiar sting of irritation stirs in Stiles as the shadow of haughtiness, old and familiar.
This isn’t her Peter, who trusts in her abilities absolutely, whose mind matches and challenges her own. She measures her voice, careful to keep it even.
“I only speak English, Polish and Spanish fluently, though I can read most slavic languages along with a few others.”
“Impressive,” he says softly, eyes flitting back to Malia. He doesn’t push, and she doesn’t let herself resent it. He’s not hers at all. “Who’s Mischief?”
“He’s kinda my friend,” Malia offers. “He’s pretty moody, sometimes, but nice too.”
Stiles snorts. Mourning is more accurate than moody, but of course Malia calls anything remotely grumpy ‘moody,’ so it’s true enough. “She means Mieczyslaw Stilinski, my nephew.”
Ana blinks. “Isn’t that the new sheriff’s kid?”
“Yes.”
“His mom’s dead too,” Malia says casually. It’s callous enough that Stiles can’t suppress her flinch, because alternate reality or not Claudia is still Stiles’ mother and she loved her.
“Yes, there’s that, though I believe you both bond over being pests more than anything.”
Malia frowns. “Pests? I thought we were hellions?”
“Well, that all depends on the crime Jellybean,” Stiles smirks back, wiggling her eyebrows. Malia snorts and rolls her eyes, even as her scent blooms with delight. They eye rolling she’s either picked up from Stiles or Mieczyslaw.
“It was only one can.”
“The whip cream was for dessert. Consuming it directly from the can would be understandable - natural, even - but wasting it on my fresh sheets--”
“We wanted to see what you’d look like with long hair!” Malia protested, not for the first time.
“Yes, long, white, squishy hair.”
“You’re just mad ‘cause some went up your nose,” Malia grumbled.
“No, I was irritated because Strawberry Shortcake isn’t complete without whipped cream, and that’s what you said you wanted for dessert.” Stiles huffed. “Plus I showered before I laid down.”
Ana’s laughter was light and soft, like a wind chime. Stiles snorted and chuckled and giggled, completely unladylike.
Stiles wondered if Peter had looked at her, seen the exact opposite of the woman he once loved, and chose.
She wants to break something.
Instead she takes a deep breath and keeps her focus on Malia.
#steter#time travel#kid fic#infertility#magic Stiles#married Peter#to be continued?#disjointed snippets#this is how I write#my process isn't a process#Insanely-Yours96#buckets of angst#rage#spiraling#and pulling yourself together because too many people depend on you#ain't that just the way
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Teacher X Reader Part II
Summary: Your teacher is having a hard time keeping it together with you constantly on his mind. Teaching your class period is when it gets the worst, sometimes he has to step out of the room just to recompose himself. It’s beginning to be the same for you, even when you hang out with your new friends, he is always in the back of your mind. And one of your new friends wants to get a little too close for your teachers comfort.
Warnings: Foul Language
Word Count: 13,250
Genre: Romance, Slice of Life, Sexual, Series.
Pairing: Insert Teacher X Reader
Masterlist
Part One
.
God why the hell did she have to be so beautiful.
It had only been a week. One week is all it took for this girl to drive me insane! I pushed the stack of papers on my desk aside knowing there was no way I could get through them, especially now. I couldn’t help it anymore, this week’s pent-up special tension made my cock swell from the dirty thoughts I had for her. And that Matt kid is the worst of it, he’s been relentlessly flirting with (Y/n) every day up until now. I knew if it were my way, she’d be bent over my desk this second.
I stood from that very desk and gathered my things, I had to quickly get home, my body-no my cock ached to be touched. Right before I made it out the door to my truck a familiar voice stopped me.
“Hey (T/n)! Going home already? Finally got done with those quizzes huh?”
Madeline Crossland. Or Miss C for short, she’s the English teacher across the hallway from me and she has been driving me crazy since I’ve gotten here.
“Misses Crossland, ha, so nice to see you again. How’s the vocab card grading?”
“You’re avoiding my questions (T/Nickname), why in such a rush?”
“Just a little tired. Especially since I’m not used to getting up so early, it being by first year and all, also please don’t call me that Miss it’s not formal”.
She looked a little displeased at my last remark but I could honestly care less.
“Oh (T/Nickname) I thought we were friends? Well I could help you settle in with some dinner, how about that new place downtown?”
“I’m a little preoccupied at the moment Miss Crossland. Goodnight”.
I didn’t wait for a response as I pushed past the door and walked towards my beloved truck. But of course she followed, that’s just the type of person she is, however this time she wasn’t taking no for an answer. Madeline then ran in front of me and blocked me from walking away, “look (T/n) I’ll cut to the chase, I think you’re attractive and my type and I know you’re single so stop beating around the bush and just give me one night”.
I sighed, “I’m sorry Madeline, but I just don’t feel the same way. Plus, I’m not looking for a one night stand”. After that I pushed myself through her superficial barrier, got into my truck, and quickly drove off.
Ugh I hate whores like her who think they’re entitled to every man they look at just because they think they’re attractive.
This then only got my blood pumping again. My mind crept into the depths of my thoughts that held endless fantasies about (Y/n). Who was I kidding, she’s barely about to be eighteen and with a student to teacher relationship it would never work out. Maybe I should have taken up Madeline’s offer just to keep her off my mind.
Stupid (T/n) what are you thinking! I’m supposed to be the one she looks to for help not to fuck. Ugh, maybe just keeping to my thoughts and fantasies are what’s best and I shouldn’t act on them.
But damn did she not make that statement easy.
.
I scanned over my notecards one more time, double checking I knew every answer to every question.
Amendment eight; right to no cruel or unusual punishments, fifteen; right to vote, twenty-fifth; presidential disability and-
“I knew you were a good student Miss Maine, but I hope you don’t find my quizzes that hard”.
I look up to a smiling Mr. (T/C), amused at my pre-test study situation.
“Good morning (T/C), and no but I always doubt myself into thinking I don’t know anything. Also did you see Matthews’ goal last night? What beauty!”
Mr. (T/C) simply laughed that basically dunked my panties in a bucket of water every time.
“He’s the man Miss Maine I can tell you that eh.” He then clapped his hands, grabbing everyone’s attention.
“Alright class ready for that quiz?”
Everyone except me groaned in response.
That quiz was my first one-hundred percent and I felt as if I were floating on the moon when Mr. (T/C) beamed when he saw my score. It’s so hard not to think of him, at first I just thought he was a chill teacher and don’t get me wrong, he is, but I’ve slowly found more and more things enticing about him.
I wouldn’t call it stalking, I just so happened to be in the right place at the right moment. Like how when I was picking up my little sister from middle school, I saw him slowly pass me in the school zone in his shiny, gorgeous, white truck. So now I know where he parks. Or how Mr. Rielly, one of Mr. (T/C)’s close friends, was talking to my math teacher about how he so happens to be single. Small things.
Morgan is what snapped me out of thought.
“Hey (Y/n), the guys are gonna go out to Stella’s tonight, Al’s treatin’, it’ll be fun you should come. Kaitlyn offered to take everyone.”
“I guess why not, got nothin’ else to do.”
And so I was then rushed into a nice looking black SUV packed with my closest friends. We were only halfway through the semester as winter was coming close.
Music blared through the speakers and we all were basically screaming the lyrics.
“I KEEP IT JUICY JUICY, I EAT THAT LUNCH, SHE KEEP THAT BOOTY BOOTY, SHE KEEP THAT PLUMP!”
I couldn’t help but laugh, these people were the ones that truly made me happy and it was nice to have a night out. Luckily for passerby’s, we finally stopped screaming bloody murder as we had arrived at the sit-in restaurant.
We walked in as Allen and Matt began greeting people over the counter. Anyone could tell they were close friends with the owner, and managed to squeeze us in a good spot at the back where it was quieter. We sat down, ordered our food, got drinks, and began conversing amongst ourselves. Occasionally someone would say a joke to the whole group and we’d all laugh along, but I mostly talked to Mo and Matt.
“So Matts, when does high school hockey start here?”
“Oh here in a few weeks, I’m so excited to be back on the ice, you’ll come to my games right? You know hockey is better seen in person and not on your phone.”
“Oh haha, but yes I’ll gladly come watch the other teams whoop your ass Williams.”
“Puhlease (Y/L/N) you don’t even know how to play hockey.”
“But I sure as hell know how to watch it.”
He chuckled in an obviously flirtatious way. I could tell our little jabs at each other meant more than we were letting on. It was obvious he was flirting with me because he liked me, the problem? He’s sweet and totally handsome, it’s just he seems more like a brother than a boyfriend. I just hope he doesn’t think I’m leading him on.
I take a bite into my burger and look up to see Mr. (T/C) with a drink in hand by the bar with a few of his buddies. They were watching the Leafs play the Jets and I caught a glimpse of his eyes quickly dart away from our direction. I nearly choked on a piece of hamburger at the site. There stood Mr. (T/C) in all his glory, after teasing me about every loss my team had faced, here he was in a Maple Leafs Jersey.
Honestly it was probably the hottest thing I’ve ever seen him wear, and I love a man in uniform. He looked back over, this time directly at me, and I smirked in such utter cockiness I could have been a Bruins fan. He smiled meekly and pointed down at his jersey that just fit him so well. I could tell he was laughing and turned around, there on the back was the name ‘Matthews’ and it really did surprise me.
That’s why he likes me so much.
I smiled to myself at the memory that I would keep in my mind forever. I smiled through our meal, our way back home, and when I got in bed, gently falling asleep.
The next morning when Mr. (T/C) greeted me at the door, the first words out of my mouth were:
“Did you see Matthews’ hat trick last night? I bet you loved that.”
“And I bet there is no way they are winning against Tampa tonight.”
“What’s the prize?”
“Whatever you want.”
.
“What if we spiced the assembly’s up a little bit?”
I was sitting next to Allen in our leadership class, we were basically the ones who organized all school social events like homecoming, prom, dances, candy grams, bake sales, rose giving, that sort of thing. One of our newest projects was to help the principal with the assembly’s and he wanted more involvement from the students.
So who better to go to? Me and Allen were basically the brightest social lites in the room. Allen with basically half the entire school on his snap, mostly girls to fuck, but still people. To others I was extroverted, loud, fun to be around, but only my closest friends knew I was really the exact opposite. So who better to lead it?
“I would like to volunteer myself to lead the assembly Mrs. Schroeder, I have some friends who would love to help out too and I have a lot of ideas for the assembly.”
“Well let’s hear em Williams.”
The day of the assembly quickly came as the obnoxiously large gym and risers were filled with hundreds of students of all ages. After principal Dubois settled the room, he handed the microphone over to me and I’d do the rest, “give it up for Matthieu Williams!” The gym then was filled with applause as the lights dimmed, popular music boomed, and smoke machines and lights went off.
“Good morning Rochester High!”
A smattering applause followed.
“Thank you all for participating in our first spirit week here at our school, with freshman white.”
Part of the freshman class stood to cheer but cringely fell short.
“Sophomores red.”
The entire sophomore class boomed in comparison to their lower classmen.
“Juniors blue.”
The junior class rivaled the sophomores of course.
“And seniors red, white, and blue!”
And though the senior class was the smallest, they managed to out-do the other classes.
“Now at the end of the assembly we have asked our counselors to judge the classes spirit based on a point system that includes: the loudest, the most inclusion of color, the most participation, best cooperation, and bonus points that will be determined with smaller competitions lead by none other than the stunning (Y/n) (Y/L/N)!”
The entire gym exploded with cheers. I had briefly looked over at (Y/n) to see her smiling. Good.
“I’ll hand it over to her then.”
I handed the microphone to (Y/n) and her bubbly personality shone through her voice.
“Good morning Rockets!”
While the students applauded again, a spotlight slowly began to appear and move around.
“Now, our football team is about to head off to face our rivals today...the Skyview Hawks!”
A wave of boos followed as our mascot ran onto the gym floor followed by a student sloppily dressed as a hawk.
“Lets cheer on our mascot Rocket Richard as he beats Hathaway the Hawk like our football team will tonight!”
The “fight” had obviously been staged so Richard won but you could almost feel the excitement and adrenaline flowing throughout the room that only made us crazier. After the match more wrestling mats were rolled out along the gym floor.
“Now for our next event, I need your guys’ help. I need a boy and a girl from each class to come down to the center of the gym floor with me please!”
As expected, the most athletic and popular students from each class came down.
“We also have a fun surprise for ya, they weren’t told this, but I also need the following teachers and administrators to the center too! Mrs. Hansen, Mr. (T/C), Mr. McKinney, Miss Crossland, Mr. and Mrs. Sikes, Principal Dubois, and Vice Principal Mr. Ladel!”
This was Kaitlyn’s idea. A student versus teacher competition would most certainly rally everyone especially when you take the most popular teachers. The lights then came back on so everyone could see the set up we had.
“Now everyone will have a partner who helps them in this race. First, one person will start back here at the end of the court, run to the center, pick up a basketball and shoot it. After they make one shot they must run back where their partner will be in a sleeping bag and they will have to drag them down and back.
Then, they will be placed in front of those tables filled with delicious food and will have to eat all of it. They then go to their respected classes and take a selfie with them. And lastly they must be sitting in chairs that will be set in the middle, there are only twelve chairs so four people will be kicked out.”
The students then “oooo’d” in excitement. Then the teams lined up with their partners in sleeping bags behind them. I noticed Mr. (T/C) ready to go with his other senior teacher Mrs. Hansen behind him. Then a buzzer went off to start the race, and damn it was intense. At the end a teacher threw a student right before they sat on a chair, and the senior students came in first, but that wasn’t the end of the competition.
“Now for a fun game of musical chairs!”
Everyone laughed and cheered as the students and teachers walked around the chairs in a circle. When it was just Mr. (T/C) and a popular freshman left, Mr. (T/C) pulled the chair right under the kid and stole it from him. It was hilarious tons of people were bent over or on the ground laughing their asses off. I knew this would be great.
“Thank you all for participating and congratulations to the cheater Mr. (T/C), any words?”
“I did what I had to do.”
This made everyone laugh even harder if that was even possible.
“And now for the spirit competition results!”
A random counselor passed a paper over to (Y/n) and she opened it.
“...And the winners are...The Seniors!!!!!”
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The Only Non-Engineering Kid On My Block
Being an Indian (Or is it an Asian thing?), sort of binds you to be an engineer. You could even stretch so far as to call it your birthright? For some, it begins when you’re a kid and for some it comes in much later, probably in high school that being an engineer is your first most important goal in life. It is instilled in us, that if you do end up being one, you’re rewarded.
Most of us are born into a family that has produced engineers of all kinds and some of us are fortunate to be born into a family that has a mixed bag of professions (absolutely nothing against the profession or the ones who choose engineering as their profession, just normalising). Well, I wasn’t one of the fortunate ones. I come from a family of engineers after engineers after engineers. The probability of finding a non-engineer in my family is 1 out of a 100 or more (That would be me).
My journey began when I was in primary school and all I wanted to be was a teacher. My mother was a teacher back then and I would miss school (something I love doing, taking a leave of absence from my responsibilities) and go to my mother’s workplace and just watch her teach. I would sometimes find an empty classroom and pretend there are kids and teach (not like I knew much to impart knowledge). On the days that I did go to school, I was introduced to EVS (environmental science). It was a culmination of biology, chemistry and a little bit of physics (how much ever a 10 year old could handle). Lucky for me, I had a great EVS teacher. EVS always had my full attention, given that I possessed the attention span of a squirrel.
Then came high school and all doors to rumination opened. Suddenly everyone around me was frantic and always had their hands full with things that could get them an extra grade or extra credit. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do or which direction I wanted to head. I was never one of those class toppers or extra curricular queen or in the student union trying to make a difference, I was just an ordinary run of the mill high schooler. I discovered that I had a penchant for science and English. There was something about these subjects that was so fascinating. I was also beginning to get good at it, as opposed to all the other subjects (it was inversely proportional, the better I did in science and English, the worse I got in math, socials and whatever else existed. Math still gives me nightmares). It came to me as almost a revelation that I should be a vet or a journalist. I’m passionate about animals, I can comprehend science and I know the ways of English, yes that’s what I will be. My father wasn’t too happy about my choice but he didn’t take it too seriously as I was known for not making steady decisions.
When it actually came down to choosing my specialty, I did not get to choose biology and that drowned my dreams of being a vet and gave birth to my father’s dream of me being an engineer as I was offered a computer science seat. Oh the disbelief, I was dismayed. What was actually playing havoc with my dreams was that I was good at computer science and my father was ecstatic that he would produce yet another engineer and I had pretty much forgotten about journalism.
As I wrapped up another educational milestone, it was soon time to address the elephant in the room, to be or not to be, that was the question. We had been sweeping it under the carpet for far too long, my adamant (apparently) need to not be an engineer. Has that happened to you, where something is expected of you, a pressurizing expectation, when not living up to it will cost you? There I was, stuck and sinking. You would think, standing up for something you want and almost inherently believe in, will be easy. Almost everyone I knew (literally 90% or more people), had decided engineering was the way to go, whether they liked it or not (that was secondary. How can something like that even be secondary?). Some paid more for it and some paid “just about right” for it. Early 20s and I’m adrift. I did not have the courage to say that I cannot do engineering, it's just not my cup of tea. Instead of facing what was an inevitable conversation, I stalled by giving architecture a hand. Oh did I crash and burn. Miserably.
It was a very foreign concept, not studying engineering (definitely still is). What would people say? How will you make a living? How will you sustain yourself with a meager earning? It is almost shameful and lowly for one to take up something like a bachelor in science or arts or commerce. A stigma that is so deeply engraved in our society that it hinders the way we look at people and tag their intelligence or their sheer capability to become something. A prejudice that exists everywhere but goes unaddressed. It comes out maybe as a thinly veiled insult or a snarky comment at a family get together. If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say oh a B.Sc doesn’t get you anywhere, there’s no future, I would be rich. I get it that among generations before us, engineering was the only way to a sustainable living. Urbanization and industrialization were booming and engineering was in demand (it still is, no doubt). But since when did it become a thing of status and knowledge? Since when did it become a tool to categorize people?
And so war was commenced for not wanting engineering. It was a period of agony and mostly breathlessness. Does it have to be this hard though? Not only do you have to do this alone in society but also alone in your own family? And live low-key always in fear of facing the "I told you so"? For as long as you prove your worth (actually even after you prove your worth, wait why should I even prove my worth?).
Even now, I see so many people not taking up what they actually want out of fear and the very “in your face” discrimination that exists in our society. So many people I’ve spoken to who are just dissatisfied and unhappy because they wanted to be something else and end up with “you know how it goes, my parents didn’t support me” or “it's the cliche story. I wanted to be so and so but then, it didn’t work out”. Why do we make it so difficult for people to just.. Flourish?
Today I’m 26, a nutritionist (B.Sc and M.Sc). You know, it's funny how I came about becoming a nutritionist. I had initially opted for chemistry and chemistry came with its pals, physics and math. Now, physics I don’t mind at all (I’m all about that Ohm) but math, I did mention about the nightmares bit right? A week of it and I was dying. I had to get my subjects changed to something with chemistry (and ta-ta math) and found nutrition and dietetics in the prospectus. Sounded quite fancy and interesting (obviously) and a very whimsical choice it was that completely turned my life around and for good. I’ve never felt so right, ever before in my life (I say that about a lot of relationships in my life, my friends would know but this one’s a keeper).
Don’t get me wrong, my parents and my sister are super supportive. Took my dad a while (a long time) to wrap his head around it but he eventually did. I’ve nothing against engineers (did I tell you my family is full of them?) and I know so many engineers who are very passionate about what they do (only respect). But think about it, does it really have to be this hard? With all the “road not taken” poetic jazz to it? No. It doesn’t have to be. I mean, how can you presume that engineering is a shoe that fits all when you don’t live another’s life but your own?
TLDR- Be compassionate because everyone’s trying to fit in. Respect a profession for what it contributes to society, just as yours does. Everyone’s hustling. It doesn’t have to be this hard or feel out of control when it's your own life that you’re deciding for. Isn’t this prejudice stronger towards men than women? (read: benevolent sexism). Abort. Abort. Abort.
Normalise it. Accept it. Love it. Respect it. Do what makes you happy and pursue what you're good at. We’re on each other’s team. Kinda tired of having to throw my hands in the air.
P.S. NEP is executing some very interesting changes in the education system, I’m hoping that’s the beginning of cessation of these stereotypes.
#stay positive#positivity#career#engineering#mental heath support#support each other#respect#india#indian#passionandpurpose#this is my safe space#i feel calm#process#do what feels right#do what you enjoy#breathe#educateyourself
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