#I’m a fucking adult. I’ve lived on my own for 3 god damn years. and yet you can’t extend me the BASIC FUCKING RESPECT of letting me find out

[crowrelli]

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[jodilin65]

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2017 We went to Toys R Us earlier only to find it surprisingly dead, reflecting the falling birthrate. So was the fact that they’re going bankrupt. Most things were overpriced, too. There were dozens of cute dolls and while a few of them were reasonably priced, many were $40 - $60. Not worth it, especially for plastic kids’ dolls. So it was probably the first time ever that I walked out of there empty-handed. They didn’t even have any children’s coloring books. Just adults’. This is okay, though, because I still have plenty of coloring books and plenty of knickknacks to have to dust. It’s just nice to get out.

At this time of year, the only time you don’t hear the freeway traffic at night is on Friday and Sunday night. Late last night I was thinking how quiet it was and then starting at 3:30, I could hear planes flying around for the next hour and a half. So I’m not even safe from that shit in the middle of the night. Right now I hear freeway traffic. I guess I’m not in for the TV tonight otherwise I would’ve heard it by now and they don’t usually fly two days in a row, thank God, so I guess it will just be traffic tonight.

The planes are just fucking ridiculous at times. I don’t know if this is a new thing or if we’re near an airport but I’ve never lived anywhere where I’ve heard this much plane activity. It’s definitely number three on my complaint list for LV.

Wondering how many more appointments it’s going to take Kathleen to become a whole different person, and I know damn well she will. Stacey is far from the only one that’s pulled that on me, too. The first time I remember it happening to me was when I lived on Woodside Terrace in Springfield when I called a girl who gave me her number at the bar. She didn’t just act like she didn’t know who the hell I was but also like she was totally annoyed by my calling her. But being the polite little sucker that I was back then I was nice about it. These days I would’ve been like, “Well, what the fuck did you give me your number for if you knew you didn’t want me calling?”

Sometimes I wonder if people actually like getting people’s hopes up and leading them on even if they’re doing it subconsciously and aren’t even aware of it, not that I think Kathleen is doing any such thing of the sort. But people, in general, do make me wonder. I’m not talking about those who have dumped me like Alison did. I’m talking about those who seem to want to be your friend (or more than that) that blow you off or suddenly change their mind for some reason.

Maliheh pulled the same thing on me when I called her in 1991, acting practically offended that I would dare consider calling her at the number she gave me.

My guess is that Kathleen chose to simply be “friendly” instead of saying she couldn’t contact me and why. Or maybe at the time, she thought she would but I’m sure a friend or coworker will talk her out of it as I suspect was probably the case with Stacey. I just find it hard to believe that Stacey kept everything to herself and didn’t seek advice from a close and trusted friend of some kind, but maybe she did “think it through” on her own. She did the right thing in the end. She didn’t do the right thing in the beginning. Or towards the end, I should say.

I’m never going to know Kathleen’s real reason for not reaching out to me in the future because I’m not going to ask, though my guess is that it will be for the same reason Stacey backed out; she may feel it’s going against ethics. When I see her in 10 days it will be interesting to see how she acts. Will she be her usual chatty, bubbly self? Or will she clam up?

When I sit and think about it, I don’t see why she would need or even want to have me as a friend. She strikes me as the type that has plenty of other friends she can go shopping with and whatever else she likes to do. I also think that no matter how much she may like the way I dress, that no, she can’t possibly be attracted to me. I’m overweight and aging and while I may not be the ugliest thing to look at, I’m certainly not the prettiest.

No matter how much you may love, cherish and honor our country, the flag is just a piece of material. It has no feelings or emotions. Also, the National Anthem is just a song. I think that sometimes we as people fail to keep things in perspective and focus on what’s really important. Instead, we get too caught up in material things, tradition and symbolism.

I was so glad when Walmart replaced our favorites. I was hoping they would. Now maybe they’ll leave the site alone for a while. I hate sites that are constantly changing, but being as big as they are there is bound to be many changes.

My pit rash keeps getting better and worse and better and worse but never goes away completely, even with hydrocortisone. Tonight it’s creeping down my inner arm. I might have to see a dermatologist. I can’t believe or accept that I’m always going to have all these rashes that are going to arrange from annoying to really annoying while being totally uncurable simply because I have an autoimmune disease. Perhaps a dermatologist can tell me for sure. It seems I have one thing after another. The appointments are backing off but not as much as I’d like. If life could stop giving me shit, I could cut them down even more.

The first night the solar wind chime bottles stayed lit most of the night. The last two nights, however, they’re not even staying lit for three hours. Bad batteries? Or not enough sunlight?

Lately, I’ve been alternating between two different walking routes. For one I head toward the back of the park and loop around, and the other I head toward the front of the park by the RVs. Each one takes almost a half-hour, depending on how much of it I run.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2017 Haven’t been remembering much in the way of dreams lately, but Tammy did manage to send a bag of chewy caramels through the phone in one of them, haha.

I was coloring in my abstract coloring book. I like this particular one. It’s both fun and relaxing. It’s by Zenspirations.

Got to get on with my editing soon and order groceries. My goal is to submit Beneath the Smile for publication in two weeks.

Both Twenties are now added on Facebook. I added Carolyn when she “liked” a comment I made on one of Jon’s posts. Wouldn’t want her to feel left out. :)

They may be funny online, especially to Jon, but their workers are still driving me crazy. I’m going to tease them so badly when we “return fire” with the roofing project this summer, LOL.

Wow, though, just wow. When social media first hit the scene all my friends were strangers or cyber friends. Then came the VH sisters. Then came family. Now neighbors. What next? Kathleen? That would be nice but that’s no doubt just a fantasy. Tom said it’d be extremely unlikely that I’d hear from her, reminding me that it’s her job to be friendly, she does work for us even if it’s not in the way the doctor does, and she certainly can’t be friends with every single person that goes through that office.

Oh well. Life will be easier without her, I suppose.

The PBer who bought my books asked if it would be okay if she didn’t review them until after Halloween. In other words, would it be okay if she didn’t review them at all? Yeah, whatever.

Done trolling Aly for a while. I shouldn’t have messaged her on MD but let her stumble upon the bogus account I created on her own. Then again, she may never have spotted it and she still may have somehow known it was me. Sometimes I really wonder if she hacks into certain accounts to get more info but IDK. Intuitive or not, there are just some things you would think she shouldn’t know.

Her diary now says “not public,” but I think it may be deleted. I’ve noticed before that after I’ve deleted it diary it will say that but that was a long time ago. They’re down now so I can’t go to the one I deleted to see what it says.

She also changed her Twitter handle and I found the new one in two seconds. Kim finally blocked me too. Good timing because I’m about to delete that account since I really don’t need two Twitter accounts anymore.

I still don’t get why Aly hasn’t blocked me. She’s got to have my username filtered.

I was going to return to Tumblr and GoodNightJournal, but then I changed my mind. I don’t like the layout of Tumblr and GNJ is still a bit slow and glitchy. I did return to Pinterest even though I know they’ll steal some of my pins, and they too, are slow and glitchy.

Got a 3-month refill on my thyroid meds. The pharmacy had to call the doctor. I’m sure that made her day too, to see me requesting more evilthyroxine. She probably got an idea of how many skips I’ve been making by how late I am on requesting a refill.

Amazon delivered some flavored coffee that I’m looking forward to trying. Golden French toast and icy eggnog.

I also got another color-changing solar wind chime and put it outside the kitchen window. This one has glass bottles.

Despite moving the snowballs so they’d get more light, they’re not doing well indoors, so I’ll probably put them out front. The butterflies will go in the carport once they arrive.

I ordered an adorable rat mug with tiny black rat silhouettes all over it, and today I also received the burger and pizza stickers. They’re on the counter now. I will probably add the egg frying in a pan to the opposite counter soon.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2017 I forgot to write out last night’s dreams. It was really weird because I went to see Melanie, the girl who did my braces back in the ‘90s in Arizona. It was the second time I met with her and I realized I was wearing the same long white tank dress with the colorful design on the front that I’d worn the first time. It was a dress my mother sent me a million years ago.

Some guy was telling me and who knows who else how to pack because we were moving somewhere. I was angry at him because some girl had a stupid mother who never went to school and he automatically assumed that the girl was stupid, too.

“Oh, the clever yet disgusting things people do to try to fool me…”

Aly tweeted this about six hours ago. So yeah, she knows that Sexy Submissive was me. Figured she would. She’s got to have hacked that account to know that. She’s got to have. But I can’t check the IPs that have logged into it cuz I deleted it.

Clever is one thing but disgusting? How was it disgusting?

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2017 This entry is a classic example of why I’ve chosen to keep a lot of my journal from those I actually know. Tammy just messaged me to say how horrible she and Becky are doing, so I would feel bad sharing entries where I brag about how wonderful some of our goodies are. It isn’t that she would intentionally put a guilt trip on me and it isn’t that I don’t feel bad for them, but we do have a right to live our lives.

Becky needs surgery on her wrist. The bastard that hit her only has 10K for insurance. Tammy had surgery yesterday and is in a lot of pain. She said Becky said she would have been better off if he’d killed her and that’s heartbreaking for Tammy, understandably.

Our lives are good but not perfect. Today I’ve got some burning and itching in the crotch and my emotions are sometimes a little off, but I can’t say I feel “anxious.” No racing heart either, though I was a little anxious and heart-racy yesterday. After chatting with Tom when he got home I felt a million times better. I wonder if I should have skipped my meds today like I did. This is my second skip since the last time I was at the lab. Really hope I can take it every day with labs being just a few weeks away, but I’m not going to kill myself just to give the doctor better numbers.

I looked it up and I really do have some symptoms of either uterine or endometrial cancer. Frequent peeing, a clear discharge, and cramp-like symptoms. The cramps may be my stomach and not my uterus but the discharges are definitely coming from the vag. I don’t have it too often, though. Not as often as the cramps and peeing, but I’ve been a frequent pisser for many years now.

I say let fate play itself out. Sure I’d like to leave California someday and live another 20-30 years and die when my husband dies, but we’re always going to have things we would still like to do no matter when we die. There are just as many pros and cons to dying now as there would be to dying 20 years from now or 20 years ago. I’m still terrified at the actual thought of going through the dying process. How much pain, suffering and fear will I endure? And what possible afterlife might I face afterward? Very scary thoughts. I try not to dwell on these things but I know I have to face them sooner or later just like everyone else in the world.

What do I think? I still think Tom will die first, probably in his 80s, and that’s when I’ll kill myself. If there is any God up there planning our fate, it’s not going to let me die in my 50s when it can keep me living a few more decades so I can suffer more long-term crises. I may be blessed in many ways, but I’ve also been cursed in more ways. First, it was the wanting to be a singer, then it was being denied true lust, then it was the sex/baby shit, then it was the freeloader shit, then the poverty, then my meds/peri; so why not live for whatever the next long-term problem is going to be?

Learned how to block numbers on my phone. It’s pretty simple to do on androids. Quicken Loans has been harassing me because I entered HGTV’s dream home sweep. They do this every time they give away houses. I guess they’re one of their sponsors. It’s so fucking rude and you would think companies like HGTV wouldn’t want sponsors like that. I sent a text telling them to fuck off but that hasn’t done me any good, so I had to block the two numbers they’ve called me from. I’m sure they’ll keep calling from other numbers but I’ll just keep blocking them until they run out of numbers or give up on me since they’re not getting what they want. Why do they assume everyone who enters to win a house is looking for a loan? I just want to win the fucking house, not borrow money.

The solar wind chime is totally gorgeous. There aren’t any actual chimes, tho. It doesn’t make any sound. In the light, they look like snowballs hanging from these little wires. The color-changing effect in the dark is awesome. They look like colored balls of ice or crystal. I totally want more. I want one for just outside the kitchen window and one for the carport as well.

Tom also got his new desk chair today.

He got the new gate code from Joy which they change periodically and he programmed the clickers/car.

I woke up to the huge mower mowing the common area on one side of me and sawing and hammering on the other side of me. Jon said something about bugs. I guess they missed a spot when they were tenting and had to replace the wallboards in that area. Of course, that spot had to be closest to us. I’m sure this latest project will last all week, too. It’s a good thing I’m sleeping in these days.

He’s a definite super poster. Some of his posts are interesting, but it’s mostly political shit I’m sick of hearing day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year…

Glade has helped make the place smell a little better. I’ve got the Cashmere Woods plugged in now.

The new motion sensor soap dispenser is awesome. I love how it doesn’t drip or trail just like they said it wouldn’t. It’s a little big for the bathroom, so it’s in the kitchen.

I created a second account on MD, not so much in a bogus name but that doesn’t use real names or say anything that would give my identity away to Aly should she be looking to connect with people there. That and Tumblr are the only blogging sites I know of that she likes. I did lie about my basic details. I also mentioned being a BDSM fanatic, curious to see if that catches her attention. Part of me thinks it would be funny to befriend her under a false identity, as wrong as that would be. She was less than honest with me, though, so if she stumbles upon it, which I doubt, I’m going to just go along with her for shits and giggles.

I think she would know it was me no matter what, though. She’s a well-trained hacker. I still think that when we would troll people she had a way of hacking my account to see what activity was done with it. These were times when I was totally anonymous and making sure to sound the least obvious as possible. Yet she always knew it was me. Always. She would claim she was just good with people, but nobody’s that good.

I just don’t understand some people sometimes. They can appear to be such good friends or close enough to it and then they ghost you for no apparent reason at all. The older lady who moved from Vermont to Tennessee who bought Locked-In and really loved it hasn’t said a word to me in over a week now even though I’ve continued to comment on her entries. She hasn’t purchased any more of my books either.

Saw a headline trending on Facebook about Twitter getting ready to test doubling tweet lengths. That would be nice. Oh, and the Saudis are going to be kind enough to allow women to drive. Pretty fucking sad that it had to take this long for that to happen but as I always did say, had I been in that country no one would have pressured me about my not driving. Instead, they would have gotten on my ass about not having kids. It seems that no matter where you go people will get on you for something or another.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2017 Sometimes I still find myself missing old friends and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I suppose it’s just normal, though. Despite the blatant liar Aly was, I do miss her at times, probably even more than I miss Andy and Nane. Not sure I miss Maliheh, though, and I definitely don’t miss Paula. But we live in a very unforgiving world despite all the hypocrites out there preaching forgiveness. Not that these people necessarily have anything they need to forgive me for, and not that I want to actually pick up my friendships with them, but I do miss them at times and I would probably be dumb enough to talk to them if they contacted me. Yet I know I could contact them until I was blue in the face and get no response.

Tom thinks it’s very unlikely that I’ll hear from Kathleen because she still does work for us even if it’s not in the way the doctor does, and I totally agree. Sometimes it’s easy to think that someone who is overly friendly is attracted to you when they’re simply being friendly. I was so sure that I would hear from Mary C at VH. I didn’t. I was so sure I would hear from Johnson. I didn’t. I was so sure I would hear from Stacey. I didn’t. So why should I think I’ll hear from Kathleen? Well, I won’t. As I’ve learned, no matter how obvious someone may appear to be and no matter how much they may seem to really want to be your friend, it’s either just an act or an act of professionalism.

The fact that I haven’t heard from her even though it hasn’t been long since I last saw her is proof right there that no, she doesn’t really like me. If she did she would have jumped at the opportunity to contact me and she would’ve sent a message saying something like: I know you may not be in a position to go shopping just yet but I thought I would check you out (on FB) and say hi.

She would be following me and buying my books, too. Then again, since I’ve gotten more private I’m not so easy to follow.

When I don’t hear from her as time goes on I wonder if I’ll be more disappointed or relieved. Probably relieved. It’s hard to get as disappointed when you’ve been blown off time and time again and you’ve lived long enough to know that certain things just aren’t meant to be. Even if she really was attracted to me that doesn’t mean she wants to be my friend. So I’ll probably be more relieved, knowing the potential trouble friends can bring. Going friendless is always easier even if it makes life lonelier or boring at times, and yes, some days I still feel this strange void in my life; a sense of emptiness that needs to be fulfilled only I don’t know what to fulfill it with.

While I certainly love my adult life a million times better than when I was a kid or in jail, the structure and routine I once had were good for me in some ways. Even though I had to do things I didn’t like doing, it made me value my free time even more. Doing the things I love to do was even more special because I couldn’t do them anytime I wanted to like I can now. I also had a lot more human interaction, some good, some bad. So everything has its pros and cons. This is the safer, easier life, but it can get boring at times. Things aren’t so new and exciting anymore or all that special, but I think most of that feeling comes from getting older. I feel I need a little more adventure in my life. The only problem is that with adventure usually comes drama as well, and I definitely don’t need any drama.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2017 Watching the movie Nerve on Amazon and it’s pretty good so far. I’ll finish it after this entry.

My book Shane is due to be released on Amazon anytime now, and that’s a link I will happily share once I have it.

The heater turned out to be okay. The pilot just needed to be relit. It’s warming up again so even though it does get chilly in the early mornings we shouldn’t need it for a while.

I got my very first virus since switching to Macs nearly a decade ago. I stupidly clicked on a link to download a video converter. Thank God my genius hubby was home at the time because he was able to get rid of it before it could do any real damage.

My new mouse is a Logitech mouse just like the last one, but this one is absolutely horrible. I just hate the way it functions, so I ordered the M215, which was the last model I had, and for $25 that comes with the keyboard as well. I don’t need a keyboard now, but it’s always good to have a backup even though we probably have a million keyboards and a million mice.

When we were coming back from Rite-Aid I glanced over at Bob and Virginia’s place and said, “There’s my windchime!”

It was so funny because Tom thought I meant that they stole my windchime. LOL. In reality, I noticed they hung the wind chime that I got them when we were in Mexico. This is the first time I noticed it hanging outdoors anywhere.

My solar wind chime should be here tomorrow. Not sure if I’m going to keep it indoors or outdoors.

I also ordered a motion sensor soap dispenser, and some new Glade plug-in warmers, and scented oils. I like something that puts out a good smell all the time instead of just when I happen to light some incense or use the diffuser or wax warmer.

So last night I got a friend request on Facebook and my first thought was, wow, that was fast! But was it her? No, it was him. Jon. I didn’t mind adding him, though.

I would still be very surprised if Kathleen ever contacted me. I’m sure that inevitable “change” will be evident the next time I see her or maybe the time after that. She’ll be a whole new person sooner or later… cold, distant, etc. But… fewer friends, less trouble.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2017 Because I didn’t feel well yesterday, I didn’t do much of anything. I didn’t work out or edit my book, and it took me all day to do my journal entry. Today I’m better but still a little tired. I didn’t sleep as long as I thought I would.

So after the dentist, we went to Sonic for burgers and fries. I began to feel kind of wound up not much later. I’ve noticed that fast food sometimes makes my heart race for an hour or so because my body isn’t used to having rich foods like that every day, especially after I’ve been cutting back as I have, trying to modify calories. I’ve lost a few pounds, though most of it may be water. I got really watery as my body tried to generate a period, couldn’t do it, then gave up and dumped its water. I’m three months late.

Anyway, at first I thought it was just the excitement of seeing the dental staff because going to them is like visiting old friends. But the more my heart raced, my tummy acted up, and I began to feel on edge and experience the hot flashes from hell and some inward trembling sprinkled with racing thoughts from ADD, the more I knew that no amount of burgers, fries and friendly staff would have that effect on me. Sorry, but seeing them isn’t that exciting, and neither is going to Sonic.

Sonic is this place where you pull into a little parking spot and order through a speaker in the menu, then sit there and eat, though there’s no rule that says you can’t take it with you. We ate there, but damn, you can’t even eat outdoors without blasting music. It’s bad enough that they blast music inside stores and restaurants. Yet we had to hear this shitty music blasting from their speaker, so we shut the window despite it being warm and even a touch humid. Flies were bugging us anyway. This was after they corrected our order which they messed up the first time around.

Anyway, I’m sure it’s the usual shit where the perimenopause is kicking up and my medication was fueling it, so I skipped yesterday’s dose. I was slightly on edge, too. Tom and I both believe that if it weren’t for the perimenopause I wouldn’t have a problem with the medication (except for the first time they put me on 75s and then later tried me on 88s), and if I didn’t have perimenopause my meds wouldn’t be an issue. I just wonder how many more fucking years before this cycle ends! I had been doing so much better, too. I’m so fed up with it that I’m likely going to tell the doctor when I see her on my birthday to lower my dose for a while. I’ve also got lung tightness and while this is a bad time for those with allergies and asthma, that right there is a bad sign. Especially when you don’t smoke. I actually took a hit off my inhaler.

It totally figures that when I was super hot flashy it was warm in here. It was one of those rare instances when I wished it was as chilly as it is now. Even in my hoodie, I was chilly on this morning’s walk. It’s supposed to be back in the 90s soon.

My new mouse absolutely sucks. I can’t get it the right speed. It’s either too slow or too jumpy. It has a cute pink and purple abstract design on it but it sucks.

Oh no! I just cost us $600 in dental work, we still need a new roof, and now I can’t get the heat on to take the morning chill out of here. What, are we going to go back to the breakage curse? Back in the 90s to early 00s, I swear our stuff was cursed. Everything was always breaking. Really hope we’re not back on that trend again, although the heater is probably a bit old.

When we got home on Wednesday he replaced an old outlet that had gotten loose to the point that things we would plug into it would start to fall out. It was so funny because there are 12 breakers in the house, and one by one he shut them off but not the one he needed to. He was just about to give up and throw the master switch when breaker number 10 finally did the trick.

This weekend we’ll be replacing the shower massager in the master bathroom.

I had to laugh when I saw a headline about Walmart wanting to come into our homes and stock our refrigerators. Why don’t they try keeping things in stock and not deleting people’s favorites first? Yeah, I was so pissed when I went to order groceries and found they emptied our favorites out. I was smart enough to copy them into a document but there may be a few things missing.

Later…

I can’t get Kathleen off my mind. Like I said, she’s not the most gorgeous person in the world, but by most people’s standards, including mine, she is attractive. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was smoking hot 20 years ago. Either way, she is such a cool person.

Even though it seems extremely unlikely that I could be that bad at reading people, maybe I really was wrong about Stacey and maybe I’m wrong in suspecting that Kathleen likes me. She could just be a very vocal and friendly person with everybody, and she did refer to Jessica one time as being “so cute” like she did with me (Jessica is young like Michaela). Everyone else’s in their 50s except for Shannan. She’s in her 30s.

So maybe there’s no physical attraction at all. This isn’t what my gut tells me, but it doesn’t matter either way. I know how women treat me, which means I know better now than to think we’ll be buddies. No matter how much a woman may seem to like me be it for a friendship or anything more if I was single, I know nothing will happen and that she won’t contact me. I always get blown off. In fact, I’m sure that the next time I see Kathleen she’ll act like a whole different person just like Stacey did in the end. Even if she thought to herself, ok, we’re both married but a simple friendship would be nice, she will have “thought it through.” Somehow, someway, Kathleen is either going to change or move.

In some ways, it may be better that she doesn’t. Yes, a local friend or two may be nice, but I don’t want the potential drama that can come with friends. Getting together with her would be like appointments, thanks to my schedule curse. I may have to struggle to match the time we agreed to get together with my schedule like I do with appointments, even if I wouldn’t expect to agree on a time as far in advance as with appointments.

It’s just a little weird, though, because Stacey said something to the effect of meeting some woman, even if she might not necessarily be in her field. I already met Kathleen at the time she said that, of course. It’s cool to have a journal to look back on and read about the times we saw each other.

I wish I knew her last name so I could look her up. I’ve never found her on any of her coworkers’ friend lists, but I can’t see who the doctor’s friends with.

If I’m right about her having a crush on me, though, why hasn’t she looked me up already, just like I wondered about Stacey? She could have looked up some things without me knowing, but there doesn’t seem to be any way to fool Blogger’s inner stats. No one can access an entry without being detected. Well, if she had a crush on me, wouldn’t she have been curious enough to check out the few entries I currently have on Blogger since our appointment? Or could she have been following me all along? She can’t be following me too closely otherwise she would know I have books for sale and might have even downloaded them, too. So far I’m only at a grand total of three sales.

Another thing that’s strange in a funny kind of way is that she’s been openly “flirting” right in front of Tom if that’s what this really is. Or some of it anyway. I wonder what Tom thinks of her, but I’m not going to put him on the spot and ask. I don’t know that he would tell me anyway. Even though he knows he can trust me, he’s always had a jealous streak in him which has always bothered me.

If I were single I could see myself being interested in her since the only negatives I see so far is that she’s too thin and a little too chatty.

Another thing that’s weird is this is sort of starting to mimic Kinky Kathleen, only “Amantha” suggested they get together when they ran into each other at a store. Let’s hope life doesn’t imitate art too much or else this won’t end well at all.

There’s no way in hell I can get my ass into the body-shaping bodysuit I just got, and while I could wear the corset, I would feel like I was trapped in some kind of medieval torture device if I did.

Ran into Jon and Carolyn at seven this morning when I was returning to the house. They were walking with some woman. Jon was his usual friendly self but Carolyn? I’m not sure about her. I still think I’m a little too liberal for them. Jon strikes me as the type that would continue to be just as friendly and chatty upon learning I’m a liberal lady, but she doesn’t. I think she would become more standoffish. I wonder if I did the right thing by giving Jon the information I did and then messaging him on Facebook.

Naw. I’m me. Period. And no one has to like it.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2017 I’ve been sick and I’m also tired so I’m behind on my blogging. It’s the usual culprits… perimenopause and probably a TSH score that’s getting a little too low for comfort.

Yesterday was fun, shitty and expensive all rolled into one. I got up early and was hoping that Kathleen would still be working for my dentist and not on vacation. There really does seem to be a pattern when it comes to those who are good-looking, super nice or both. They leave or we move. But, as I told myself, if she’s in her 50s as I suspect she is, and knowing how much she seems to love working for my dentist, where else would she go? Why would she quit unless she left the area?

Either way, the dentist is the one appointment I actually look forward to because I feel like I’m going to visit old friends. They’re such nice people. Such a super friendly team that always makes you feel welcome and special. I’ve been going to them for almost 6 years and Kathleen actually makes it a bit fun, LOL.

To go in order of events… while I was doing my hoping that I would see her, Tom cleaned some of the carpet in the master bedroom. Damn was it filthy! I totally regret not laminating the entire house, and just getting throw rugs for certain areas.

I walked down and got the mail from Joe, wondering why it has to be windy every single time I wear a dress. And the shorter the dress, the faster the wind. Mid-thigh dresses apparently mean an average of 8 MPH an hour winds. Anyway, Joe gave me Tom’s surprise electronics package that he gets every three months.

On Monday I had the runs, on Tuesday I didn’t go at all, and yesterday I had the runs before my appointment.

Janet, who was around Kathleen’s age, was the former office manager. She was a very nice lady and was even kind enough to give us a jump one time when our old Ford Taurus crapped out on us. Resistant to change, I wasn’t too happy to learn she’d left back in 2015 and would be replaced by the tall, slim blonde with the friendly blue eyes and the perfect smile for a dentist’s office. Now I am SOOO glad she left.

We got there a few minutes early and I was delighted to see Kathleen who was busy at the computer as soon as we walked in. She glanced at me, smiled, said hello, and then went back to help a couple of women who were at the counter.

Tom and I sat on the loveseat across from the desk and he settled in to play games on his phone. I started to think we wouldn’t have time to chat much because the women were taking quite a while. But they eventually took seats in chairs on each side of us. I then got up and showed Kathleen my latest nail design. She took hold of my hands in hers and admired how “adorable” and “cute” they were.

Kathleen looked great, albeit a bit thin and with dark conservative clothing that’s usually just the opposite of my personal tastes.

“You got blonder and I got blacker,” I said at one point. Even though blonde isn’t my favorite hair color it suits her very well and the shade she now has looks great. It’s a brighter shade of blonde but not so bright like a neon sign.

She asked if I did my hair myself and I told her I did and that it was a stain and not a dye. She asked if I liked it darker, and I said I did for the most part, although it is a touch too dark for me. With permanent stains, you don’t have much choice, though.

I complimented her light pink nails and she said it went with my dress and it did. That’s another thing she complimented was my light pink, simple yet perfectly cut for my figure dress that’s actually flattering to it, giving me a very hourglass appearance.

Right after the two women sat down, the older one that was closest to me really threw me for a minute there. She started talking to me as if we knew each other. Then the younger one sitting next to Tom said, “I’m over here.”

I didn’t realize the woman was blind!

After Kathleen asked me to step away from the counter so she could see my dress, the blind woman said, “I’m blind so what are you wearing?” and I told her.

Before I sat down I said to Kathleen that we ought to go shopping together sometime and she said something to the effect of, “I’d like that.” I told her I would just have to be picked up or dropped off since I didn’t drive.

So then Jessica came and got me and Kathleen was sure to jump up and point out how adorably cute my nails and dress looked to her.

Next, I was turned over to Michaela and I knew right away from my spying endeavors that it was the doctor’s daughter as soon as she said her name. She told me the doctor was her mom, which I hastily praised for saving my teeth which I would have lost years ago if it weren’t for her. You could see the resemblance. She’s a sweetie just like her mom, too.

I told her that I wanted to discuss a mouthguard for my TMJ issues with her mom and she said that was interesting because just that morning they had a meeting on TMJ.

So Michaela took my x-rays and then I was turned over to Holly. Time must be flying faster than she realizes because she said, “Hey, Jodi, it’s been a long time. Like a year now.”

It’s actually been just six months. We chatted about this and that along the way, as usual, including the TMJ. She asked if I was still writing and I told her I was and have slowly started publishing things on Amazon. That seemed to pique her interest even though there haven’t been any new sales since yesterday when a new PBer bought both of the books that are currently published.

After my teeth were cleaned, the doctor came in to see me and greeted me as if we were old buddies and she had missed the hell outa me, LOL. She placed a hand on my shoulder and said, “Hi, Jodi,” in a very cheerful tone.

I briefed her in on my ear surgery way back when and how I thought the pain I began to experience in 2005 was connected to that until my ENT told me what it really is.

She asked if I clenched my teeth when I was awake. I told her I didn’t but that I had no way to know what I was doing in my sleep. I do suspect I might be a grinder, though, because I swear I was grinding my teeth just as I awoke one time which, as she says, can shatter teeth.

She asked what side I usually lay on and I told her it varied but does seem to be worse when I lay on that side. The thing is that I listen to audiobooks at the end of my day and I have to lay on that side otherwise it will be hard for me to hear Dot unless I blast it being mostly deaf in that ear.

For about a year now I’ve suspected something was going on with my back bottom molar on the right side, and I was right. The x-rays show a crack in that tooth as well as an upper tooth.

Unfortunately, the mouthguard is going to cost $300 and then another $300 to do the two partial crowns that I need to be done. If I ignore them, the teeth will eventually crack completely. So $600 on top of the new roof we still need. :-( But I’m tired of the TMJ pain, Tom thinks it’s worth it and encouraged me not to worry about money, and so I’m going to go for it. Those partial crowns will end up being full crowns, root canals or bridges if I ignore them much longer, and that will only cost more in the end. The doctor took pictures of the teeth with this stick-like camera and showed me the fractures on a monitor.

LOL, at the desk Kathleen was telling me to take advantage of the insurance (it doesn’t roll over into next year), and looked at Tom and said, “She’s worth it,” while she squeezed my hand affectionately, and then reached for my necklace to admire it, saying how sparkly it was. I think the entire staff has pretty much figured out by now that I love bright colors and anything shiny.

Before this, it was back to Jessica who made an impression of my bottom teeth. This wasn’t the big deal I feared it would be. I was a little nervous at first, though. The upper impressions they did when I had the old-fashioned braces in the 90s sucked because you felt like the shit was going to go down your throat and gag you. This time was okay, though. There was an area where you stick your tongue through so that it doesn’t get molded into the impression, and it only took two minutes to set.

I wondered if sleeping with a mouthguard can really make me feel better during the day, and the doctor feels pretty confident that it will. If not, they plan to add an acupuncture specialist to their team that can do various massage techniques. That’s funny. Trisha, the woman who lives diagonally from us is a retired acupuncture doctor.

Holly will clean me again in March. Meanwhile, Kathleen scheduled me to pick up my mouthguard and get crowned in three weeks (which means I’ll see Shannan since she’s the dental surgery assistant). Not sure if I’m going to have to go back again to get the permanent crowns but I think I will. Tom said he overheard one of the patients talking about them having this really high-tech 3-D printer where it takes only an hour to print out crowns and stuff like that but couldn’t say if they were just talking about it or if it was something that already existed. With my shit luck, I’ll have to go back yet again, but hey, one more chance to see the lovely, very friendly and definitely flattering Kathleen, haha.

They added another female dentist who works mornings, from what I gather, and when Kathleen was scheduling me she said I could come in the morning if I wanted to and have the other dentist take care of me, but I promptly said, “No,” evoking a smile from Kathleen. That’s when I told her I’d rather stick with someone I know and who knows me, not being a fan of change. This is my dentist until she either retires or we move, whichever comes first.

After we paid the $600 and I was scheduled, Kathleen made a comment about it being fall and I said I hated it and would be complaining until June. This very morning it got down to 69° inside the house. She likes the heat, too. It is going to warm up again but not that much and not for long.

When I mentioned us moving to Florida, I swear she seemed unhappy to hear that. Then I added that it would be several years before we did, and she said something about Tom having time before he retires.

So just as we were leaving Kathleen showed me off to one final person, which was a woman I’m pretty sure she said was a personal friend of hers. On my way out I told her to feel free to look me up on Facebook. Although she said, “I will,” I know damn well she’s not going to look me up. Stacey and countless others in this world have taught me that people are definitely more talk than action, but that’s okay. I don’t mind seeing her at the office only for the 2-4 times I go there each year. It would still be kind of funny if the real Stacey turned out to be Kathleen. Yeah, it’s a no-brainer. Any idiot can see she likes me because no one goes around complimenting people that much and showing them off to everybody and anyone they can, LOL. I pretty much had her figured out early on. Not the first appointment, but the second one made me think something was up when we were sitting at a table by the desk and she was going through some paperwork with me and telling me she didn’t know her patients well yet. This was shortly after she replaced Janet. I thought it was weird that she asked Tom if we were related or something to that effect.

The way she looked at me, the way she complimented me, etc. I’ve always been a pretty intuitive person. Never have I assumed someone liked me that didn’t, though there have been cases where I was surprised to learn that someone liked me that I didn’t realize did like me. I had no idea Marie “Duewi” had a crush on me back in Valleyhead, but I’m a lot smarter and more experienced than I was at 16 years old.

Just like I was sure that Stacey liked me, Kathleen likes me. No doubt about it. I’m not stupid and I doubt Tom is either, haha. But liking someone is usually harmless, especially if it’s a woman.

Do I like her? I do. Kathleen’s not OMG gorgeous, but she is very attractive and I would be willing to bet that most people would consider her better-looking than me. She’s a little too thin, but she’s tall and blond, which most people consider a plus, and she has very soft, feminine, compassionate and friendly features that are perfectly proportioned. On top of that, she seems like a genuine sweetheart, so what’s not to like?

I wouldn’t mind having her as a friend but I don’t have any desire for any kind of a side dish. I’m a 51-year-old whose hormones are shot to hell for God’s sake, not a 20-something-year-old with raging hormones. Oh, my hormones are raging, alright, they’re just doing it in all the wrong ways. Personally, I would probably detest the idea of dating if I were single because I feel so fat, old, and unsexy despite how many people of both genders check me out.

I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable being friends with a woman who was attracted to me as I would if it were a guy. Women don’t usually make other women do things they don’t want to do, but then neither does every single man. I’ve caught our mailman and even the old man next door checking me out but that doesn’t mean I would be afraid to be alone with them. It really depends on the person. I don’t want to “do” anything but I don’t mind a little flirting here and there. I would still be incredibly surprised to hear from Kathleen. Not just because while guys usually seem to follow through, women blow people off, but she is very kind and attractive, and when it comes to women, those are the kind that usually avoid me like the plague. If she were the butch type she would have already called, haha, no offense to the more masculine version of our lesbian/bisexual community.

Just like Stacey is, Kathleen is married. I’ve seen the engagement ring and the giant diamond wedding ring. Human nature is human nature, though, as we know. Rings and certificates never stopped a person from being attracted to another person before and they never will.

Where both she and Stacey are skinny and tend to dress conservatively, they are otherwise complete opposites. Although I will miss our chats from time to time and I did adore her, Stacey was short and dark with a quiet, reserved demeanor without much of a sense of humor. Kathleen is tall and light with a bubbly personality. You feel so comfortable being around her and you look forward to seeing her.

After we left was when things started heading south, but because this entry is so long I will get to it in my next entry.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2017 I’m surprised I didn’t get an appointment reminder call from Kathleen yesterday. Or from someone. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she were gone or on vacation. You know how it is for me when it comes to the really nice people or the good-looking ones. They’re not in my life for long, even if they were never really in it to begin with. Well, I’ll find out in four hours.

I had a series of weird dreams last night. The black bitch from Arizona was in one of them. She dared to relax on the floor somewhere close by me and said to someone else, “Don’t ask me what I’m doing,” knowing they wouldn’t want her getting too close to me. I got the impression she actually felt guilty for race-carding me into jail and was trying to buddy up to me.

Then I was later giving her some advice about something.

Oh, to run into her in the afterlife if there is one! I’d slowly and torturously tear her apart limb by limb. Some things you just don’t forgive and you certainly don’t forget.

Then I was looking out a window somewhere at the ocean, but the water and waves were perfectly still.

Next, I was gazing around this dingy old house Tom and I were renting and thinking how nice it would be to buy a bigger more modern place in a few years.

I walked by a reporter somewhere and was hoping for some reason that I would stay out of the camera’s range.

In the last dream, I was being chased by some unseen madman. I don’t know if he called and threatened me on the phone or what, but instead of just laughing it off I was terrified for some reason and I ran out of the house and down the street. It was dark out and my first thought was to get out of view and inside someone’s house if I could.

I knocked on a door that I noticed had a key sticking out of its lock like the person forgot to remove it. A boy and a girl of about 10 years of age opened the door even though they were home alone. I told them I needed to call the police because someone was chasing me. So I dialed 911 on my cell and started relaying information to the dispatcher. Then I told the kids they needed to get the key out of their door, knowing that the madman could’ve seen me enter the house and then let himself in.

One of the kids opened the door and then said there was no key inside it. I told them to run as I bolted out of the house and down the street, leaving behind the jacket I’d taken off inside the house.

Now I was afraid for the kids as well as for myself. I called to them to follow me but instead, I saw them run out of the house and around towards the back of it. The dream ended with me calling frantically to them.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2017 Giving up on GoodNightJournal for now. The site is too dead and it still runs slow even though they said they were changing servers.

I had the runs again yesterday and I’m not sure why. It even extended after bedtime, waking me up a couple of hours into my sleep. I was able to get back to sleep afterward, though.

Said hello to Bob and Virginia yesterday. Virginia wants to read my book but she doesn’t have a Kindle. Typical 80s person. Most of the older people are pretty old-school.

So I started talking to Jon yesterday when I stepped out to dump trash and saw him trimming some shrubs. We briefly talked about plants and stuff like that, and at one point I commented on the mess the tree on our corner makes in the fall when all the leaves fall off. I asked if the tree on the corner of his place was his or the park’s. He said that technically it was the park’s and then went on to talk about some kind of organization that was less social than some others as far as getting the park to do things it doesn’t want to deal with due to expenses.

When he asked me what I was doing at the moment, being the open person that I tend to be who doesn’t care what people think, I simply said I was editing my book. When he learned I have books published and plan to publish more, he asked for my name so he could look me up. I don’t mind people looking me up, but the thing is that he and his wife are Trump supporters, and most Trump supporters are haters, especially when it comes to gays. They naturally fear anything they don’t understand or experience firsthand, and for some reason, it’s hard for them to accept things they can’t relate to so their minds automatically reject it. Not all Trump supporters are like this of course, but I think most are. I’m pretty liberal myself and while I’m certainly no Trump supporter with the way he’s treated women and the way he hates gays and Jews, I do agree with his stance on Muslims and immigration. We need to put our foot down where dangerous cultures are concerned, and we need to stop the overcrowding the immigrants cause by flocking here by the millions.

Back on topic. Given the likelihood that he’s an “all-around” hater, I had to laugh to myself at the thought of him discovering what my books are all about. Better yet, what I’m all about.

I decided to surprise Jon on Facebook and sent a quick message saying, “Guess who?” He accepted my message request but didn’t reply or add me. No local visitors but I can’t believe he didn’t check the blog out. He’s probably just a hider. No new book sales either. So I’m guessing that yeah, he probably didn’t like what he found on me, LOL. That’s okay, though. Sometimes it’s not good to mix neighbors with pleasure any more than business with pleasure, but I still don’t have a problem with adding him if he later wants to. It’s up to him. It’s okay if I’m too liberal for him and it’s okay if I’m not.

For $20 I grabbed a new mouse last night on Amazon because my wheel still scrolls but won’t click.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2017 The next 6 days will be in the 70s. It was a chilly run this morning but I do prefer it chilly when working out and sleeping. Unfortunately, I’ll be getting plenty of that and then some till June.

It was a fun and productive weekend, but as always, it went too fast. Weekends seem to last half a day while the workweek seems to last two weeks.

Today I’ll begin editing Shane. It often seems like writing books is more work than fun, but editing is what they’re mostly about, like it or not. Writing the story itself is nothing.

Last night I dreamed I was watching a boat cruise up a river as fast as a speeding car, buying a pregnant rat, and sitting in Tammy’s car as she made a quick run into a store. While I waited for her, some guy in a truck made too wide of a turn and clipped the headlight on my side. A split second later the “truck” turned into a giant lawnmower. Again the guy hit the car and just as I was about to get out and give the dumbshit a piece of my mind, he vanished into thin air.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2017 Someone on Prosebox did a brief entry saying that the movie Knock Knock was very traumatizing and do not watch it. Naturally, I was curious to check it out, and I did. I thought it was a fantastic movie! It was unique and even had some funny parts in what was otherwise a very serious home invasion movie where a couple of young girls assault and rape a middle-aged family guy home alone for the weekend.

It wasn’t available for free on Netflix so I watched it on Amazon Prime. I’m now watching Adulterers on Netflix. I don’t usually watch a movie all in one sitting. Movies are reserved for when I’m eating because the act of eating alone is boring. Sort of like a stationary bike or the skier. Can’t stand to do them without watching something, reading or listening to music. I am so totally getting a treadmill desk when we move.

We got a lot done over the weekend, but poor Tom burned his finger with the glue gun. He said it hurt like hell, and as fate would have it, our antibiotic ointment had expired.

I have resubmitted my newly improved and re-edited version of A Rainbow in Munich to my publishers at Amazon but with the same cover.

This week I will go through Shane and I should be able to submit that next weekend.

I continue to be amazed and even horrified by the number of Muslim supporters out there all in the name of political correctness. No matter how many evil deeds we see this radical culture commit, God help you if you dare say the slightest thing negative about them. Yeah, people will have a bleeding heart for terrorists but they’ll refuse to be taxed just a little bit more so we can have universal healthcare here in America.

It’s days like today that really break up the monotony of things. I love what I do but if I do it every single day of every single week and every single month and every single year, it would drive me crazy. Same with if I didn’t get out once a week or so. So I really appreciate how fun today was with good food and new goodies.

First, we went to Raley’s where I picked up some K-cups and we got some gourmet chocolate chip cookies to share that are totally awesome. There are nearly 400 calories per cookie. That’s more than some of my TV dinners!

Then for just $17, we had fun at the dollar store. He got some tools, pens and pencils for his new toolbox that almost looks like a black suitcase that you can wheel around and that has a pull-up handle, too.

I got the following items:

Rose scented air freshener.

Vanilla incense.

Pink toenail clippers.

A stick grip for reaching things out of reach or in tight spaces.

Two black plastic rat Halloween figures.

A couple of doorknob decorations with bells hanging from ribbons.

Two solar toys. A sunflower with blue flowers at the sides of it, and a bouquet of pink flowers.

Last night I dreamed I was swimming somewhere with 40 or 50 other people. Pretty sure it was an ocean and not a lake. We were quite a ways away from the shore. There was some kind of wall and raft/floor that was about 4 feet beneath the surface of the water and that I was standing on. I began to swim away from it and then all of a sudden there was a noticeably strong current. People seemed to grow a little alarmed and I realized it was a whirlpool that had begun to form. I quickly swam back and huddled against the wall because the current wasn’t as strong there. I don’t know if anyone got sucked under or not.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2017 “Calm down. If you can’t handle a community you need to get a place like what you had,” big sis said in regards to the few choice words I left about yesterday’s latest water outage on Facebook.

While it was certainly quieter in the country, we could never afford land here, and we’re still not sure we would ever again want the hassles of rural living in the first place. But yeah, they did it again. Yesterday the water was off for a couple of hours without warning, which means they probably had a surprise and unexpected leak somewhere. No one heard my little swearing spree, though. I was home alone.

Yes, the piping/water situation here sucks, and yes, there is more daytime noise than I would like, but I realize there’s no perfect place on earth. Every place has its pros and cons and some kind of trade-off. The main source of noise back in Auburn was Jesse’s mutts, and while there may only be one or two noise sources out in the country as opposed to dozens in the city, you have the hassles of dealing with wells, limited to no mail services, positively shitty Internet service, and then you have to haul your trash or burn it in a metal drum.

So it’s either a quieter place that comes with lots of inconveniences or a noisier place that comes with more convenience. It’s like with climates. We don’t get snow here but we still get cold. Hurricanes can’t get us but an earthquake could. So everything has its positives and negatives.

The latest source of noise was hammering and sawing just beyond Bob & Virginia’s place. Someone was getting new doors or windows. Our 34-year-old windows let sound in beautifully, and the noisiest room is definitely the living room because there are so many huge windows in there and the room itself is huge and very open. Therefore when I’m on days I work down the hall in the back bedroom where there are only two windows, one of which has soundproofing material hanging in it. It’s annoying and it’s inconvenient, but I do like the snappy Internet service, trash service, having access to a pool a few months a year, and the fact that I could get an ambulance out here in a few minutes if God forbid we ever needed one instead of a half-hour or longer.

I briefly chatted with Bob yesterday who had a touch of humor unlike in the past when he seemed more on the serious side. The more you get to know people the more they usually loosen up. I asked him if he got a notice about the water being turned off (in case ours was blown away or something), and not surprisingly he said he didn’t. Virginia was out somewhere at the time and he was out front pruning trees, so he didn’t know the water was out until I told him. He said he would ask them what was going on if they came by again and that they had just been by (the park maintenance people travel around on golf carts), and that he hoped it would be back on soon so he could rinse some crap he needed to rinse.

So we got to talking about the trees and shrubs on our properties and I was saying how I didn’t think we’d ever have the time to do all we wanted to do or the money to hire someone to haul away the stuff we didn’t want (though we might be able to get an extra dumpster from the office so we can get rid of more stuff at once) because we’ve been having financial setbacks lately with unexpected expenses coming up like the AC’s capacitor, car issues, and we still have to do the roof.

He then mentioned that he noticed Tom was having trouble with the car when he was out walking a couple of mornings ago. Yeah, he left something plugged in that drained the battery so he had to jump it. He said that he said to himself he would make one more round around the circle and then offer to help if he was still there, but he was gone.

Then I said something about the next people having to deal with and decide what to do with all the plants, but that we should be here for another five years or so and he said, “Good. We don’t want you to move.”

Aw, that’s the nicest thing he said and as I told him, we don’t want them to move either because they’re awesome neighbors. Yeah, I feel guilty about wishing his hands would fall off (and worse) every time he would annoy me with his power tools, LOL.

So then he goes, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. We’ll be here till we croak.”

He said it in such a funny way that I couldn’t help but laugh.

The guy is in fantastic shape for just turning 88. He walks every morning, he rides his bike, he climbs on his roof to blow leaves out of the gutter, he takes beautiful care of his lot, he goes out golfing, etc.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2017 I’m totally not looking forward to winter. I hate having to wear slippers and I hate long sleeves. Worst of all I hate being cold. I would definitely take Florida over this. Besides, no place is ever 100% “safe.” Certain places may be more prone to natural disasters, but hell, a meteorite could crash into my house right now. Nothing’s ever guaranteed. The only guarantee is that it’s going to get cold and I’m not going to like it. It’s already getting down to 74° in the house in the morning like it is right now and I’m freezing. I’m still a little hypo after letting my thyroid crash a bit due to the experiment I was doing, but I’ve always been super sensitive to cold. I like it between 76° and 78° in here. Seriously, where are the hot flashes when you need them?

I got a clever idea yesterday that looks great. The solar toys I have on the windowsill were propped up to see the sun better on little Dixie cups. We had an old broken fan on a stand that had crossbars for feet. I unscrewed them and used one of the bars to prop the solars up on and this looks a lot better than the cups. Another half-hour or so and they’ll all be swinging, bouncing and waving.

Am I a better writer or a better storyteller? I think I’m a better writer but Tom thinks I’m a better storyteller because I’m creative and all that. Okay so I don’t tell the worst stories but I wish I could write longer and more intricate plots. With ADD, though, it’s hard to focus on things that long. I have a shorter attention span, I run out of patience easily, and therefore I can end up getting bored with a story even if it’s a really good idea.

Childish or not it was fun to give Cindie A a piece of my mind on both Facebook and Twitter. Like Kim and Aly, she’s notorious for creating multiple accounts. I knew that because Lori is a mutual friend of ours Facebook would point her future accounts out to me in their ‘suggested friends’ section, and they did. Found the nutjob on Twitter too.

I realize that it may be childish and immature of me to stoop to her level, but I couldn’t help but surprise her and ask if she would have the guts to call me a cunt in person as she did online. Somehow I doubt she would.

Later…

I’ve been running all my journals through Grammarly for any errors that both Word and my own eyes may have missed. I’m up to the summer of 1995 now.

As I’ve said before, I may be quick to disbelieve or be unsure as to whether or not people really have dream premonitions had I not had any myself. And as I’ve also said, I’ve never had any concrete experience to prove there is a God, so I don’t know if there is one or not. Lastly, I could say I’ve never had any experiences with ghosts, despite a couple of weird things right before learning that my Italian Foster mom and then an old teacher of mine died, but maybe I have.

Back in 1995, I felt a “presence” in our home in Phoenix, AZ. It was a positive entity that never gave me any ill feelings. It never hurled our dishes across the room. It never turned our lights on in the middle of the night. It never did anything crazy like that.

I never sensed that they haunted the place in the traditional sense or anything like that and I didn’t think they’d ever been in the house when they were alive either. I got the impression that the spirit, ghost, entity, whatever… was young. Like in their 20s or 30s. The so-called “thing” somehow managed to “tell” me that they had died 10 years ago from cancer. Also, her name was Robin M.

So last night I was sitting here reading about a ghost that Andy was telling me about at the same time which he believed was haunting his place. When I shared my own story with him I asked him if it sounded crazy and he said that if it hadn’t been for his own experience with “Greg,” then yes, he would have thought it was crazy.

My first thought last night was that we were both absolutely nuts. Young, crazy, and totally delusional. I said to myself that I was crazy to have once believed in God and I was just as crazy to have believed that there was any kind of a ghost, friendly or not, in his place or mine. Especially one that Andy said he believed had his way with him in his sleep. He had to have just been lonely and imagined it or maybe he was batshit, right? And I was just as crazy and I had to have been imagining the whole “Robin” thing and somehow lost my grip on reality for some reason.

But then, just for the hell of it, I went to Legacy and I ran the name Robin M. One popped up in Phoenix and I’m like, no way! This has got to be a joke! Sure enough, I found that she died this millennium.

So now I’m back to the crazy theory, assuming I had simply lost my perspective on what was real and what was not for a brief time out of wishful thinking. Maybe I just subconsciously thought the idea of a ghost would be fun and exciting.

But then further research turned up something pretty damn shocking on ancestry.com. I’m not a paying member so I couldn’t get in to access the full information to find out where this person lived/died, but coincidentally or not, there was a Robin M who was born in 1957, the year Tom was born. She died in 1984. Well, in 1995 the entity said she had been dead for 10 years. Close enough.

So if I didn’t go Kim M for a little while there, then this is an absolutely amazing OMG kind of coincidence.

Do you believe in coincidences?

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2017 I wished Kim a happy birthday and Sarah a happy 27th birthday and backed up another photo album even though Facebook still hassles me with the larger ones.

Wow, it seems like a whole lifetime ago that I was 27 years old. That’s when I met Tom. Although I was still a smoker and only knew three languages at the time, I had great vision, skin that didn’t need lotion, lips that didn’t need lip balm, hair that was devoid of gray, and a 100-pound body that probably had Graves’ disease. I was blissfully naïve in that I didn’t know what true financial insecurity and true terror meant.

But I also knew a lot less than I do now and I was a lot more sensitive and emotional in the wrong kinds of ways. Things had an effect on me back then that wouldn’t faze me now. I’ve always liked Olivia Newton-John, for example, but these days, to pass her on the streets would be no different than passing a total stranger. People are people. I’m just pretty nonplussed these days in general and harder to amaze and impress. I guess that just comes with being older as things become less new and exciting as you’ve either seen or experienced them a million times already.

The temps are slowly coming down and it will probably be a bit chilly in here come 7 AM or so. Definitely not looking forward to winter.

I’m going to shower soon and then go for a quick run, but this time I won’t be in a sleeveless shirt. I prefer to go out when there’s no direct sunlight. When it’s over 70° I go sleeveless. When it’s in the 60s I go in short sleeves. When it’s in the 50s I go in long sleeves. When it’s in the 40s I wear my hoodie. Under 40°… forget it!

I had a dream that Andy and I were talking again. Not gonna happen. Yes, I do miss him at times and I always will. I wish him the very best, but I don’t want to deal with the problems that come with being friends with such an insecure and non-trusting person who’s also very negative and insensitive at times. I just don’t care for arrogant people who think they know it all and who think everybody is lying to them about everything.

But yeah, sometimes I miss checking in with him on and off throughout the day on the old version of Ask, and sometimes I even miss some of the silly Aly/Kim/Molly drama as phony and as immature as it was. My online life has come to be a bit dull indeed, but at least it’s a lot calmer and safer.

I’m proud to say I’m not reading Aly’s tweets as much. The phony liar’s tweets are all about food, indirect cries for attention, and shows I’m not into. So there really isn’t much to see. I was mostly checking to see if she would mention rejoining Prosebox so I could look for her and hope to block her before she blocked me. But I do daily checks of the newcomers on PB. Because the threesome hasn’t stalked me in a while I’ve been more open to sharing the link to my profile there, so it’s no big secret anymore. I would probably be blocked before I realized they had joined, but I don’t care as much anymore. I meant it when I said I was determined to stop caring about those who didn’t care about me. Nor will I forgive and resume any friendships.

I also had a dream that I was working somewhere. I don’t know if she was just another coworker or some kind of boss but I seemed to really like some woman that worked with me doing whatever it was we did. She told me something about not returning to work until Tuesday but would try to get in sooner, knowing I would miss her.

While she was talking to someone else, I twirled round and round nearby three times with the kind of balance I don’t have in real life. I even thought of making up some story about someone mentioning my dancing ability so I could have the opportunity to mention having once been a dancer to her in hopes of impressing her but didn’t want to bullshit her by saying I had a conversation that I never had.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2017 Yesterday I heard the loud car leave at 8:45. Still a little early, but I doubt the cock is working. How does it live? Off of mommy and daddy?

Last night I received a subpoena in my dreams that had to do with my dentist. I was quick to hide the thing from (Tom?) and was surprised that I was still allowed to see her since they called to confirm my next appointment the previous day.

Love my new ear cuff! It’s very comfortable, though I doubt I could sleep with it.

thoughts.com is just as fucked up as they always were. I decided to join with my new Xfinity email to see if things had improved over the years, but it just goes to show that some things never change. They’re just as fucked as ever. First I couldn’t upload an avatar, then I couldn’t post an entry, and now I can’t access the site because all I get is a blank white screen.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2017 So much for the power of prayer for those who practice it because I got some bad news from Tammy. The part of her roof over the kitchen and dining area is leaking, her lanai has received heavy damage, and the trees and shrubs they put so much time and money into planting have been demolished.

Heart attacks, back surgeries, her car accident, two kids hospitalized at such a young age… is it me or does it seem like her life is actually worse since moving to Florida?

I’m guessing she has insurance to cover the damage but it still sucks, especially since the house is relatively young and roofs usually last 20-30 years. Pretty sure the house is something like 11 years old. Not sure if it’s inhabitable right now or if she’s still staying with the girls, but at least the house as a whole wasn’t picked up and tossed halfway across town, and the stuff inside it should be okay. I don’t think she can live there right now because she said she’s without power. Something like 10 million people are.

My cousin’s daughters posted that she and her husband are okay but that there’s “devastation all around them.” I can just imagine too, since Irma ended up hitting her side of the state more than Tammy’s. I’m hoping they’ll share pictures at some point.

This has really got me thinking… do I really want to move to Florida? Do I? Since Florida is dangerous and Hawaii is too expensive, maybe our best bet will be the Nevada desert. Still have a good 5-10 years to decide. I just know I don’t want to stay here and be so close to such busy roads for the rest of my life, and it would be nice if I only had to hear landscaping sounds once a week instead of nearly every day.

So nice to know that a fellow Proseboxer enjoyed my book and that she left a review. Only problem is the review is not visible and I wonder if there’s a delay with that appearing or if something went wrong along the way. Reviews are extremely important at this point even if they’re not 5-star.

I went to stain my hair yesterday and when I stepped out of the shower it looked like I hadn’t done a thing to it. The roots were just as gray as they were before. It hit me that my leave-in conditioner probably blocked the stain. So I jumped back in the shower, shampooed my hair, and then re-lathered up the staining shampoo, and now I have nice shiny dark brown hair. So as I’ve learned, it’s best to shampoo conditioners and oils out of your hair first to really lock in the color. The hair needs to be wet anyway, and this gets it wetter than if you just rinse it. It’s so much easier to use and so much easier to get even coverage, and all without the harsh smells and damage of traditional dyes.

When I first started using it I thought it was too dark for me, but I’ve gotten used to it and have come to like it. I got the perfect shade this time that’s dark but doesn’t look witchy.

Temperatures continue to be unusually high but by Thursday it will have dropped 20°. Alexa says there’s a 55% chance of rain tonight. I hope not because I want to go out for a late-night run, but then again, rain is refreshing in these temps. It’s the winter rain that sucks, but this winter I’ll be prepared with my little pink plaid rain boots and pink raincoat.

When I heard the loud car leave at something like 7:15 yesterday morning it gave me hope that perhaps they’re working again. The cock that drives it never struck me as a morning person unless it had to be. So I’m really hoping that’s the case so that during the week I only have to hear the fucking thing four times a day instead of six or more, cuz come on, they’re not going anywhere anytime soon any more than I’m going to be allowed the luxury of being able to take my meds every single day, month after month, without anxiety. If I ever am, it won’t be this year, and they’re not going anywhere this year either.

Soon I will be doing some editing on my next book and some cleaning.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2017 In following Irma, I see that millions are without power. I hope Tammy isn’t one of them. It’s looking like her house should be okay, though, since it seems that the brunt of the storm has affected the west side more than the east side of the state.

The looting in Florida makes me sick. And of course it’s by blacks. What a surprise, huh? Some people really never do change, and burying ourselves in a sea of political correctness won’t change them either. It simply makes excuses for them. Some people simply can’t be changed, though. They are who they are and they would still be that way even if every person in the country turned against them.

I was kind of annoyed with Tammy and Sarah as well as with myself yesterday. I knew Becky injured her jaw but I didn’t know it was wired shut and that she’s been on a liquid diet since the accident and will continue to be for a couple more weeks. Tammy misunderstood and thought that I was sending flowers, not a fruit and sweets package. I totally regret not sending the flowers because Sarah has helped herself to most of it. At first, I was like, you little pig! I can see her eating some of it, especially the fruit since it would go bad by the time Becky could enjoy it, but a little willpower in saving some of the candy for when she could eat it would have been nice. I’m like, come on, you’re nearly 300 pounds and you’re not even 30 yet! She’s heading for real trouble in life because if anyone knows how much easier it gets to gain weight and how much harder it gets to lose it with age, it’s me. She’s going to end up diabetic for sure. Then again, her sister’s weight is seriously out of control as well. But yeah, I wish we’d spent a little less on flowers instead of shoveling out 80 bucks for Sarah to stuff herself with. No wonder she was so delighted when it arrived and posted a picture thanking us. It was a surprise treat she knew she could have all to her gluttonous self. I overindulge at times too, but 80 bucks of candy in less than three weeks?! Good, God!

My sister is a shitty writer with poor reading comprehension skills (or so it at least seems most of the time even though she’s an avid reader), but I could’ve been responsible for some of the poor communication as well. All I remember is showing her pictures of the treat basket and the flowers and her saying she’d love it and thanking me for my support, but I thought she was talking about the treats, which I thought I had told her I was leaning towards wanting to do something different than flowers and send something that would last longer. But apparently, Sarah has proven that candy won’t last much longer than flowers.

I slipped Becky a note apologizing and explained that while I knew her jaw was injured I thought she could still eat albeit slowly and carefully. She said it’s no problem and that it’s the thought that counts. While I’m glad that someone got to enjoy it rather than have it go to waste even if it wasn’t the intended recipient, I still wish I’d sent the flowers. Hopefully, there won’t be a next time to get it right. It’s sad that both of them at been in the hospital and they’re only in their 20s. Except for the time I had a breakdown and landed in the psych ward, I haven’t spent a night in a hospital since my teens and I don’t intend to until I’m old!

I had a snippet of vague dreams. In one of them, I was in a house with what may have been Tammy and I seemed to be afraid of some guy that was lurking about. Then I was tossing balls or rocks on some grassy knoll with a few people.

Then I was lying in bed in my cousin Lori and Lisa’s house. I was in Lori’s room, thinking that the room was squarer than I remembered it to be, and how noisy it must have been once upon a time with two little girls living in it and two little boys later on. In reality, I don’t know who moved in once they moved out, but I know that the door to the master bedroom wasn’t where it was in the dream.

In another dream, we were back in our Maricopa house. I awoke one day when Tom was at work and spent the day coloring in my pajamas in the room I used as an office. I then headed into the master bedroom because I was going to use the bathroom off of it when I spotted a truck with a small trailer attached to it driving by the bedroom window. Like right outside of it. I worried at first that vehicles going that close to the bed would wake me up but then I tried to console myself with how quiet this one was.

I stepped outside (still in my pajamas?) and found the land to be larger and devoid of vegetation than it actually was. I noticed workers just beyond the back property line and walked down to them to find they had dug a huge trench along the property edge. I asked what they were doing and they said that the trench would soon be home to over 500 chickens.

“Wouldn’t that stink?” I asked.

They gave some incoherent answer and then snickered.

I muttered something like, “Real fucking funny,” and left.

So glad Tom is as good as he is at fixing things because now my keyboard tray sticks out a lot further. Before I could only pull it out barely halfway. I don’t type nearly as much as I talk now but I still type enough.

He also fixed the bobblehead on one of the solar toys, but it still doesn’t work well. Oh well, what can I expect from a cheap toy from China that only costs a few bucks?

No blasting TV for the last three or four nights now, but of course we have to hear that insanely loud car several times a day.

Still liking the new phones a lot better, but there are a couple of standard features I’m surprised to find don’t exist. Most have a little microphone icon for speech-to-text yet Tom had to go through quite a bit to get it to appear.

There is also no blinking light to notify me when texts and messages come in. I tweaked some notification settings last night, but there was still no blinky when I got a voice message.

Voice messaging is really cool because it prints what the person said and if you still want to hear it there’s an option right there to click a speaker icon. We no longer have to go into our VM, enter a password, and then listen to it that way.

The memo app is really convenient for dream notes. If I wasn’t a writer and into collecting pictures, I could see myself getting by just fine with just a phone. It’s just not ideal for watching movies on, even with the bigger screen. Writing wouldn’t be so hard because of speech to text but editing would be a pain on the phone.

Speaking of editing, I have a few more chapters to go through and then I will submit the new version of A Rainbow in Munich for publication. Then I’m going to stain my hair again. :)

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2017 In one of last night’s dreams, Dr. O was leading me through a large building. All the while she was doing so, she was puffing on a cigarette. I was surprised she smoked.

Then I had a nightmare where I was home and home didn’t look anything like home, as usual. This home had a back door off the kitchen. Tom just left for work and the sun hadn’t fully risen yet. You could see shapes and shadows but no detail. I opened the back door and spotted the silhouette of what appeared to be a stocky guy sitting on a bench on the patio facing the door, one elbow leaning on the side rest, cheek resting against his fist.

“Who the fuck are you?” I demanded.

Not the slightest bit of movement.

“Who the fuck are you?” I demanded again, louder.

Still no sound or movement. I slammed the door and hurried to lock it only this door required a code to be entered from the inside as well as the outside and I couldn’t simply flip a deadbolt. It was dark and the panel didn’t light up so I was fumbling with the buttons and hoping I was hitting the right numbers. The dream ended with me thinking that I would flip the light on and double-check to make sure the door was locked and then I would run for my phone to call the cops and exit the front door.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2017 I am so, so pissed off right now. The loud car house did exactly what I feared they would do and pulled their house off the market. Just like the last time they put it up for sale a couple of years ago, they couldn’t get what they wanted and so they gave up. So no, they likely weren’t evicted. I tried to tell myself not to be pissed because if it wasn’t for their loud vehicle it would be someone else’s, but I AM pissed. :-( I’m sick of them breaking rules with loose dogs and underage people living there and no one saying a damn thing about it. I really thought that in a retirement community, people would be quick to speak up when they saw people breaking rules. My mother had said one wrong move and you’re out when we were discussing moving to an adult community before her death. But this is the west where it’s considered a sin to complain about others, so that may be why.

But I don’t care if this is the west or not, although I did take measures to complain anonymously by inserting a bogus name/number. I don’t know if they’ll get the message, but I felt I had to do something and that this would be better than doing nothing at all. Maybe the 20-something guy has permission to be there, and if he does I apologize for complaining like I told them. But I would be willing to bet otherwise. He sure doesn’t smack of caretaker and I really don’t think he’s supposed to be here, so hopefully, they’ll investigate.

I can’t swear to it but I think the woman that lives there (there are like three generations of people) may teach water aerobics. In that case, she may be able to get away with more things easier. I haven’t seen the little girls in a while but as far as I know, there’s a whole family living there. Breaking a few rules here and there short term is one thing, but there have been minors there ever since we’ve been here and I really can’t believe no one else has noticed. If we’ve been able to figure this out from the other side of the circle, how can those who can see their place from theirs not have caught on? I think they have but are afraid to say anything and they’re not savvy enough to do it anonymously. People definitely don’t take well to complaints out here, but if they’re not supposed to be there and the office really does investigate, I don’t see how they would suspect us. We’ve never even talked to the people.

Anyway, after waiting forever to get my number transferred to the new phone, I’ve set it up and gotten to know it a bit and I definitely think it’s the best phone I’ve had as of yet. Much easier to navigate. I love how there are no ads on the lock screen and I can give individual contacts different ring tones and notification sounds. Changing wallpaper is easier and the voice recorder and memo thing are easy to use as well. Haven’t found a flashlight yet. I sent Tom and Tammy some things. I’ll probably use the speech-to-text in the memo thing for dream notes. There’s this really cool thing that lets me spell words by drawing them with my finger right on the screen.

My TSH is probably still in the teens because my skin is still dry, my nails are a bit brittle, my hair is a little thinner, and every time I walk into a room I forget why. Most importantly… NO anxiety! :-)

For just a couple of bucks from China, I got 2 large ocean stickers. I put one of them on my desk and it actually looks pretty good. The last of the solar toys arrived broken, so that’s 2 of them that are broken now. Tom’s good at fixing things like that.

I ended up walking twice yesterday. The first time it was kind of hot and there were a lot of people out and about along with traffic. I didn’t like having to break my stride by having to stop and wait for traffic, so I definitely prefer to go out later at night. It’s so quiet and peaceful then. I just have to watch for skunks. I took the ducks a few pieces of bread and I think I’ll take them the last of the old bread since the rats will be getting a new loaf tomorrow as Saturday is grocery day.

Tammy’s pretty anxious about her house due to the hurricane. She should have been evacuated by now although I don’t think it’s supposed to hit Florida until Sunday morning. I wonder if those who moved there are sorry they did every time there’s a hurricane. This one’s a biggy, too. :-( Fingers crossed!

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2017 Traffic and landscaping during the daytime. Blasting TVs at night. I really can’t live in peace, can I? The “stroke” house is blasting their TV again. I can hear it all the way down in my bedroom. When I was out walking earlier I could not only see the TV through their window, but they had the window wide open. Do they have any idea just how fucking loud that thing is or do they not give a shit? I’m guessing the latter. But because it’s a lot easier to drown out than loud stereos and barking dogs, I’m keeping my mouth shut, even though I shouldn’t have to hear someone else’s TV at midnight. Especially in a retirement community and ESPECIALLY in a house. That’s just fucking ridiculous. But knowing what pussies people tend to be and how poorly they handle complaints, no matter how much in the right I may be, I don’t want to risk what shit they may give me thus possibly causing me to lose it on them.

They had their equally obnoxious car out a couple of times earlier. It’s not as loud as the one the kid drives, but loud enough to give them the gratification of knowing that they forced people to acknowledge them as they drove by. But yeah, I’d say the guy who had a stroke has recovered enough to start driving again. And blast the TV, of course. These people aren’t early to bed like most old folks. The TV is usually blasting between 9 PM and 1 AM. I don’t know how the people next to them and Bob and Virginia can stand it.

A couple of days ago I was thinking that they’re going to turn the water off again any time now, and I was right. We got a notice saying it’s going to be off tomorrow from 8 AM to 2 PM, but I should be asleep during those times.

Later…

For the first time in my life, I was thrilled when my doctor’s nurse called to tell me my TSH was at 15, and I explained why and all about the experiment I was doing to isolate the root cause of my anxiety for once and for all. I told her I started skipping every other day when I felt anxious a few weeks ago so I could see if I still felt that way when my TSH eventually got too high to be causing most of it (OMG, the dry skin I had for a couple of weeks there). While the medication still can and does fuel the anxiety if my TSH drops under 10, it’s great to know the meds aren’t the main culprit. If I’m ever going to be able to tolerate the single digits, though, it’s going to have to wait until I’m postmenopausal and my hormones have settled in. But yeah, it’s great to know that the root cause since I began being “stabbed” in the chest on and off since last December is mostly the perimenopause just like my doctor in Tammy said.

For now, I’ve agreed to take it every day that I can stand to (I’m not going to let the anxiety escalate to the point that my heart is racing and I’m on the toilet with the runs three times a day) and will skip doses if the anxiety picks up. For the most part, I haven’t had too many anxious days for a while and it’s now been a couple of months since I needed lorazepam. In six weeks I will return to the lab.

Thinking back on it now there are a few things I can see that definitely points away from the medication as being the root cause. I took a dose following a day where I felt anxious but didn’t have any anxiety the next day. So no accumulation issues or pocket flares there. I also haven’t had any lung tightness or “mindfuckers,” as I call those crazy and irrational flashes of dread I used to feel. No jitteriness either… All symptoms that you’re heading for trouble and going thyrotoxic.

For just one dollar each, we upgraded our phones to these really nice androids that will cost us anywhere from $3 - $14 a month depending on what data we DL. Yeah, a hell of a deal. I don’t understand why people pay hundreds for high-end phones when there are much cheaper phones that can do the same thing. Tom got one first and when I checked it out and decided I like it better than my other one, we went and ordered me one before this incredible sale is over. We had a little trouble at first but finally managed to transfer my number to the new phone. I hate to chat much but I do other things with it like play music on it when I’m out running. This one is easier to change wallpaper pics, create contacts, and tweak other settings. I love how I can give different people in my contacts different ringtones.

Hurricane Irma is heading Tammy’s way, last I knew. I guess she’s still going to the girls’ place and Mark will be holed up at work.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2017 Despite the fact that tons and tons of people have complained to Facebook about their public activity being flagged in their friends’ feeds, Facebook continues to do nothing to give people added privacy. Why is it so important to Facebook that our friends be informed of our public activity anyway? Hey, I just sneezed. Do all my friends really need to know that?

I found a really cool site I like but I want to keep it to myself because I know some people would gladly follow me there and I think we all need a little corner of the web all to ourselves where we interact with no one we know from other sites or in person. The only one I’ve mentioned it to is Tom. But of course, I can’t “like” or follow them on Facebook or else Facebook will take it upon themselves to inform my friends about it. Next thing you know Facebook is going to be telling all our friends when we take a dump. Being followed around on various sites can be flattering to some degree, but it can also be annoying, and depending on who you are, it just might even put the creep in creepy.

Well, for whatever it may be worth to my Facebook friends, I never follow the news feed. I see what’s on top when I check for messages, but if it’s any consolation to you, I don’t care what your latest level of achievement is in the games you play, I don’t care what friend you just wished a happy birthday to, and I don’t care if you “like” your local diner. Still want to know the important things going on in your life, though, so… Messenger!

Speaking of which, Tammy messaged me to say they are in fact going to be evacuated. Mark will be staying at work and she will be going to the girls’ place. Kind of makes me wonder if Florida would really be a good place for us. If I think traffic and other things wake me up enough of the time here, do I really want to add storms to the mix even though some storms can be really cool and actually kind of fun? And where the hell would we go if we were evacuated? To a school with a bunch of strangers, half of which let their unruly kids run around screaming up a storm?

She also said that Becky had a broken wrist but didn’t go into detail. She just had surgery to replace a break in two places in her arm so how she ended up with a broken wrist is beyond me. I don’t know if she reinjured herself or if the doctors fucked up.

I want to thank those who have bought my book. I appreciate it big time. I’ve been in one area or another of the arts and entertainment business most of my life and I can assure you it’s a very black-and-white world. You’re either a nobody who struggles or you’re rich and famous, and believe me, fame is the last thing I want. I don’t have enough look-alikes to be able to blend into public wherever I go. I’m smaller than the average woman and my face is kind of unique looking as well. So screw fame. Just buy my book. :-)

Becky’s GoFundMe account has only generated $305 from seven different donations. I’m kind of surprised since she has hundreds of Facebook friends but then again, who knows how real they are?

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2017 So Locked-In is now live and waiting for sales and reviews. I just had the cover picture repositioned so the chain isn’t too close to the edge of the cover, and added my middle name. These simple changes that should be instantaneous are going to take up to 72 hours, so I don’t know if the original link will still work once the changes are visible.

I’m so glad I made an appointment at the lab today otherwise I would have been waiting for at least an hour. On their big-screen TV, you can see how much time each patient has. It was nice to be in and out, though. Even if the place was dead and peaceful, sitting for an hour in a waiting room isn’t my idea of a good time.

Tom said someone complained while I was in with the vampire about being there an hour and wanted to know why others could just walk right in. I guess not everyone knows that you can make an appointment. I also like how you can check in on the little tablets they have set up instead of having to wait and check in at the desk.

Anyway, because I was anxious yesterday I expected to get hit with anxiety today, but so far I’m okay. Not sure I want to push it and take my medication tomorrow, though. We’ll see how I feel. I remember from the last time I got really bad with the 88 mcg attempt that there were days when I didn’t feel that anxious. The anxiety kind of zigzagged upward before it came to a head. So just because I feel calmer today doesn’t mean I won’t be anxious tomorrow. For the first time in my life, though, I’m actually hoping my TSH is high because that would point much more toward the perimenopause than the medication. But sadly, as much as I would like to believe that the perimenopause has been responsible for most of the anxiety I’ve experienced over the last few years, I know better. It’s the meds. My TSH is back in the single digits.

The weather is hot and unusually humid. It almost reminds me of the monsoon season in Arizona. From what Tom said he read, Tammy should be getting slammed with rain but not evacuated due to Hurricane Irma.

Last night or the night before I was annoyed with the planes again. I hear some buzzing around up there right now. Really hope it’s not going to be going on for too long.

What I’m really, REALLY sick of is that fucking car. That house isn’t going to sell this year if it sells it all. Last night it came and went after midnight. Just because we assumed they got evicted doesn’t mean they definitely did. Therefore a part of me wonders if we should ask the office if they know they have a 20-something living here who clearly isn’t a caretaker and who comes and goes in their insanely loud car night and day, but I’m not sure what good it would do. It really sucks that their job didn’t last long because then I only heard them four times a day during the week. But as Tom pointed out, even if the office learned about them right now, eviction takes time. It’s not like they could be thrown out in a month.

Also, wishing the car would end up totaled is pointless because they’re the type that would replace it with something just as loud. This car isn’t naturally this loud. They made it this loud. As I always said about those with insanely loud car stereos, I really have to wonder about anyone who feels the need to get the attention of people they don’t even know. Why is it so damn important to them that the people they pass by hear them? Were they stifled as children that they feel such an intense desire to be heard? What happened in their life to make them that desperate, needy and insecure to put that much work and money into being acknowledged by anyone within hearing range even if they don’t know them from a hole in the wall? This isn’t only a candid show of rudeness and inconsideration, but a vivid display of serious lack of self-respect as well.

And why aren’t there laws against this kind of shit? Doesn’t this count as needless noise pollution?

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2017 I was backing up Pinterest boards on Facebook but I’m not sure if I’m going to continue because every time I try to upload an album of pictures they hassle me. They want me to input codes and no matter how many times I input them correctly, I keep receiving new codes. And as always, you can complain and complain all you want to Facebook but Facebook just doesn’t care.

Damn, I hate that site! Hassles, glitches and a newsfeed littered with “suggested” posts and friends’ interactions with their friends as opposed to what’s actually going on with them. If it weren’t for Messenger I would have gotten rid of it years ago.

I’m also not sure if I want to keep my journal public because I’m tired of having to watch what I say. I don’t care if I hurt someone’s feelings by expressing my opinion about whatever because when we read people’s journals we have to assume we may not like or agree with everything we read. But I don’t want to accidentally share mine or other people’s sensitive info.

I’m kind of torn because on the one hand, while I like being surprised by people visiting and sharing feedback from all over the world, and while I may be tempted to spread my social butterfly wings both in person and online, I think of Aly and Stacey and I’m reminded that anyone can abandon us at any time or lead us on. They really put a complex on me. One minute I think it would be nice to meet new people and make new friends, but then I remember all the trouble they can bring. I’m just too old for any toxic drama. I don’t need it and I don’t want it and I don’t know if it’s worth putting myself in a position to have to deal with it. The older I get the less sociable I am and while it may be boring at times, it is certainly safer. So I’m not sure what I’m going to do as far as journaling goes. A part of me wants to go private and just share with those I’m closest to on Facebook. Then another part wants to go somewhere in between like what I’m doing now where I share mostly on PB and FB. And yet another part of me misses blogging on several sites. I hate being so indecisive. It’s frustrating.

There’s also the fact that what I may consider public now might be something I’ll want to make private later on and vice versa. If I end up parting ways with someone on ill terms, then I’m obviously going to be less hesitant in what I say about them. But if we later patch things up, even though I try not to be too forgiving, then I may wish I hadn’t spoken so freely about any problems we may have had. So what I share publicly tends to be generic stuff and things that don’t really involve others in much detail. It also depends on who they are. I’m more open to writing about Bob, for example, because he doesn’t go online, not that he should be offended by my saying we exchanged hellos or anything like that. I don’t mind bitching about or praising Jane Doe or Joe Schmoe to Tammy, though, because hey, she’s my sister. She’s runner-up to Tom in the I-know-Jodi-best department. Speaking of my aloof sister, I haven’t been able to get any info out of her about her surgery, so I’m guessing there were no major complications. She’s been able-bodied enough to check into Facebook regularly so that right there is a good sign. She may still be in some pain but at least she’s alive.

I deleted my story account since I plan to publish dozens of books over the next few years. I was thinking that rather than raise the price higher than I had the last two set at which were $3, I might have them all be $.99, especially since most of them are short stories.

We went to Jack-in-the-Box a couple of hours ago and the burger and fries I had should sustain me for 5-6 hours.

I’m down a few pounds because yesterday I got sick as hell with really bad diarrhea. Kick-ass stomach cramps too. I’m not sure what caused it. Still with the Baby Oil rash too, but it’s getting better.

Finished watching S1 of Gypsy. It’s about a therapist who’s oh-so normal but pretty fucked up at the same time, and who becomes infatuated with some of her patients and follows them around. Sound familiar? I highly doubt Stacey “followed” me around, though it wouldn’t surprise me if she has Googled me and checked my Facebook and blogs. Probably still does, if only every once in a while. Despite our little problem, if you could really call it that, I do miss her at times and I really appreciate all the help she gave me. I realize no one’s perfect and I certainly don’t hold anything against her. I just get tired of some people being all for one thing one minute and just the opposite the next minute. She gave me every indication to believe we’d keep in touch every now and then.

I also don’t ever again want to be led to believe that I’ve got a friend for life in someone just to find out later on that that isn’t so. Yes, people were meant to come and go in our lives. Sometimes they give us a reason to dump them. Sometimes they dump us. Sometimes they tell us why on their way out of our lives and other times they just ghost us. The point is that while I do get used to it, I get tired of dealing with it just the same. It gets old after so many years.

Tom began reading my story Locked-In which will soon be submitted for publication. He said my stories are always good but my writing style is still a bit erratic at times.

I hate to wake up all the rats but we’ve got to change their cage, and hey, sometimes they have to function on our schedule, like it or not. They get free room and board and food, haha. But after some hugs and kisses, they’ll go back to sleep till sundown.

Later…

It had been a while since I searched for any new diary/journal sites that I might like, so I did a search earlier and found GoodNightJournal. It says it’s been around since 2013 and I wonder how I never stumbled upon it before. I

If I suddenly turned my entries on LiveJournal public, and maybe even some of the books that are private on PB, my family would probably never know they were there, but it’s not worth the risk. Tammy had to have joined PB (and I don’t doubt that “Tammy” was indeed her), then refused to tell me about it for a reason. I think she was looking to see if she could see anything from a member’s POV. So there’s some degree of curiosity on her part which tells me she may actively look for some things. Most people don’t know this, but if you share the same content in different places you may be able to copy and paste a sentence or two into Google’s search engine and bring up all the locations it’s in. Hopefully, she’s not smart enough to know she can do this, but like I said, I’m not too worried about it.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2017 The dream I had a couple of nights ago now makes sense. We went to the lab at 9:30. The last time we were there at that time it was dead, but this time there wasn’t a single seat available and we knew it would be about an hour’s wait. So we decided to leave and schedule me for Tuesday afternoon, and we did. Maybe that was why Tom’s answer made no sense at all when I asked him in the dream what my numbers were… Because I wasn’t getting blood drawn today. This is good, though, as it gives me a few more doses to push my TSH down. No anxiety and I’m on the 8th consecutive dose. Wish I could always take it every day and not have a problem like most people. Why is it always me that has to struggle with so many things in life? Really wish I could get the damn gland removed so pocket flares would no longer be an issue and affect how the meds affect me.

I had a positive dream pertaining to gays and adoption, like they were going to be allowed to adopt nationwide, but they pretty much already can, as it should be. Maybe something else positive will happen to them.

Kathleen was also in my dreams but I don’t remember what they were about. Definitely looking forward to seeing her more than Holly in a few weeks, even though Holly has always been very kind and does a great job cleaning my teeth.

I cooked fries and shrimp together in our oilless fryer. Love the thing! Trying frozen chicken wings later on.

Got a couple of really cute stickers from China to decorate the light switch plates with. They look adorable.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2017 It’s a very hot and hazy day out there today with temperatures expected to reach 108°.

We’re looking forward to setting up the larger shower with the new shower massage and caddies. Getting metal shower caddies was a big mistake because of the way they get rusty. The new one isn’t plastic but it’s coated wire. I should have done this years ago because I’m tired of not having any elbow room in that tiny phone booth of a shower stall in the other bath, and I’m barely 5 feet. There are a couple of caddies actually. One is a tension pole with 4 adjustable shelves.

So that’s my shower news. In household news, the laundry is done and the house is relatively clean.

In health news, I’m feeling okay. A lot less lightheaded. I don’t know if it’s because I went back on the Amberen or because my TMJ isn’t bothering me at the moment, but I don’t care. I’m just glad when I feel better. I’m maybe a touch tired, but I don’t need to do anything physical for it to matter, since I already exercised, and any editing or other work that requires concentration has been done for the day.

Over the long weekend, our goal is to submit Locked-In for publication on Amazon.

In dreamland, I went to visit Eileen but she didn’t seem too happy to have me around even though I pretended not to notice.

Then I dreamed that I’d already been to the lab (that’s on for tomorrow) and Tom said he saw my numbers online. He first mumbled something about them that made absolutely no sense and then I asked in an impatient voice, “What is my TSH?!” He then told me they weren’t posted.

[tacthescribbler]

Wanted to give my two cents on this. I’m prone to bouts of hopelessness when I hear disheartening news, and it’s really hard to pull myself out of that mire sometimes. To make it worse, I am a writer who doesn’t write, and an artist who doesn’t draw. Not because of AI or anything like that. Just because I struggle to find the motivation most days. I work my 8 hours, I come home, and I try to decompress despite home circumstances that don’t really allow it (that’s a pity party for another time). By the time I feel ready to create, it’s bed time. But I also need let my little ray of hopeless optimism shine here. I’m working on my financial situation so I can get my own place and move out of this apartment, away from my roommate, who also happens to be my adult-aged sibling. I prefer living alone and I know it will help me decompress more effectively in the evenings, which will give me a better chance at writing and drawing. Furthermore, my roommate tossed the last straw on the camel’s back this past week with behaviors that have honestly pissed me off. There are things we’ve talked about that change for a few weeks, or maybe a couple of months, and then go right back to “normal.” But when they hit me with that last straw, I had several minutes of “so pissed off and frustrated I was on the verge of tears,” but then I had a realization. Despite the fact that the past four years of unreliable contribution to rent, and despite the erratic laundry schedule, and despite the not taking care of my cookware or cleaning up after themself, and despite the constant presence of another person in my space because they won’t fucking leave the apartment except for their tiny amount of work they do at their job... I am still here. I am enough. I’ve paid the rent every month. I’ve kept my sanity (barely, but still). I’ve cleaned up when needed. I’ve walked the dog and showered and gotten myself dressed and fed myself. I’m still here. But the point is this: I know shit’s fucked. But the stories living in my head can’t be told my anyone else, and they won’t leave me alone until I at least try. And if I want to do that, I need to keep trudging. And I will. Sorry if this doesn’t all make sense, but what I’m trying to say is that the joy of something can be motivation enough. I’ve wanted to relearn how to draw for years and my perfectionism has been a major obstacle, right next to feeling like I don’t have the time or energy to practice. But you know, I bookmarked a tweet that @xannador posted on their Twitter. It was a set of 3 silhouettes, presumably of characters from a comic that they’d made previously. I had read that comic and I knew I needed to start drawing again. But all it took was those 3 silhouettes to make me realize that the only things stopping me is me. I determined I would kick my gods-be-damned perfectionism in the teeth. And I would practice. And I will do so. I will relearn to draw. I will get back into writing. There are a lot of people who will undoubtedly take the easy way out (like my roommate) by doing the barest of the bare minimum, maybe even less than that. Those are the people who will take the cheap, easy, AI solution. And we can’t control those people. But we can control ourselves. I could go on and on, but we all have something inside us that makes us tick. For my bestie, it’s drawing. She’s an amazing artist, and if everything else in the world turned to dust, she’d still be drawing. I’d still be thinking up stories. If there’s something you’re meant to do, do it. The rest of the world will either catch on or miss out. But you can’t stop being you for that. You are enough, even when it doesn’t feel like it. You are enough, even when the world tells you that you’re not. You. Are. Enough.

Heya, recently AI art as a whole has gotten me very discouraged and down about being an artist, and I was wondering how you battle the encroaching dread this all causes? I hate how disrespected artist have been these past few years, with NFTs and now this, but it feels like an insurmountable ocean to wade through alone

I really wish I had some secret formula that could help and motivate you and make everything easier... But I don't.

I'm really just a spiteful asshole, who loves drawing and doesn't know when to quit. That's it.

And I keep going, because I refuse to even just imagine a world without the joy of creating. Ironically, I found out that it is exactly this spiteful approach, that seems to inspire a lot of people. <3 Wouldn't have guessed that THIS side of me would ever be useful. <3

[baecvlt]

Stalker Nagito Komaeda x Milf!Reader

this was requested via my twitter:

“Hey! i’ve seen your works and I’m in love. Can I request smut where a stalker Nagito Komaeda becomes obsessed with a milf reader who moves into the neighborhood who’s like a dom in bed and ya know just large bust and taller than him. Thank youuu🤍”

a/n: ofc. but I have my own idea of a dom which i’ll use involving certain things (heed warnings)

warnings: he is so obviously a virgin in this, degradation, slight masochism, asphyxiation, spit, also Nagito calls the reader mommy (side note: nagito is in his early 20s in this, he lives alone. age of reader isn’t specified BUT I say she’s in her late 20s/early 30s)

• • •

It was a bright day...which Nagito despised. It was summer. He hated the sun, hated the mosquitoes, and the unnecessary humidity. It was days like these he wishes he was back at his university dorm. The A/C, the tall tree covering his window and blocking the sun...it was perfect. Hell, he didn’t even hate classes. Yet, he couldn’t live in the dorms forever. When it came time to buy a home, he stupidly did so in fall, moved in during the winter.

Well, no shit the home seemed perfect then. It wasn’t fucking summer. His A/C decided to break, his windows has a great view of the sun, and most of his friends were out of town (all except Hajime, but Hajime is fucking boring and a bummer). Nagito sat on his couch, watching reruns of old tv shows. He took a sip from his nearby glass (cold water), suddenly hearing sounds of what appeared to be a loading van. He looked outside his window.

A moving van?

Right, that one old man who lived there passed away. Freak accident, by the way. Oh well, may he rest in peace. Meanwhile, Nagito was being himself and trying to see who it was. Pretty much, the dude was being nosy. He saw another car pull up. That must’ve been the family’s car. Out jumped 3 kids, what appeared to be 2 girls and 1 boy. An adult stepped out. Nagito decided he’d get a better look at the situation. He put on his shirt, black jeans, and his green hood.

He was “going for a walk”.

Without being noticed, he made his way to the other side of the street. It was a woman, she was taking boxes out of the truck. The minute Nagito saw her it was if he was stricken by Cupid’s arrow. She was tall and beautiful. Her skin complimented her hair and her legs, he couldn’t take his eyes off them. Her breasts...he needed to stop—

“Hi!”

She was in front of him, a warm and inviting smile on her face. “H-Hi,” he muttered. She didn’t hear him well, so it helped that he waved. “I’m new in the neighborhood. We just moved in,” she added, putting the box down. She stuck her hand out, going for a handshake. He shook her hand, her warm hand against his cold ones. Why are his hands always cold? “I see,” he responded, getting his shit together,“I’m Nagito Komaeda. I live across the street”. She introduced herself and complimented his house.

“What a lovely home. I hope the neighborhood is just as lovely”

“It should be. It’s pretty quiet. There’s not many families here. Say, can I help you pack?”

“You’re too sweet! I’d really appreciate it”

He helped take all the boxes in her home, helping load a couch too, and help with other large objects. They finished in 9 hours, taking a majority of the day. “Thanks for helping out, Nagito”. She made a lemonade, handing him a glass.

“Don’t mention it! Also, thank you”

One of the kids ran in the living room where they sat on the couch. He gasped when he saw Nagito. “Mommy! That man looks dead!!!”. Nagito smiled, but his mom was not amused. “Michael! Apologize..”. The kid kept smiling and said,“Sorry!”. He ran to another room. “I’m so sorry,” she muttered. Nagito shook his head.

“Hey, I’m rather malnourished”

“Ha. On an unrelated topic, are you hungry? I could make us something”

“Oh, I shouldn’t linger any longer. I wouldn’t want to disturb your husband”

She laughed. “I know you mean no harm, but I’m not married,” she added. “Oh,” Nagito muttered,“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it in any way”. She shook her head and reassured him it was fine. “Sit, Nagito,” she pulled out a chair,“I’m not letting you refuse having dinner with us. Especially since you were such help”. She rubbed his back before heading back into the kitchen to begin cooking.

She made him a bowl of pasta, adding chicken on the side. Nagito was quite happy. He hadn’t eaten a good meal in so long. Her kids didn’t eat at the table, but on the counter. Meanwhile, she ate with Nagito. Just as Nagito thought he couldn’t grow fonder of her, he did just that. All she did was let him talk about himself.

“Jesus, I’m sorry about your parents? How are you keeping yourself afloat with university and expenses?”

“Academic scholarships”

“Wow, you’re such a smart boy”

The way she phrased it made him flustered. “Thank you for the meal, ma’am,” he muttered,“I haven’t eaten like this in who knows how long”. She smiled tenderly, picking up his empty plate. “Seconds?”. He shook his head.

“No, thank you. I’m already so full”

“I’m glad. You know, there’s always a meal for you in store if you can do me a favor”

“What’s that?”

“My oldest daughter has her final test this week. You think you can help her study? I’ll make you a nice, warm meal every time you come over”

Nagito thought about it. He would also have time around her. Plus, she wasn’t a bad cook. “Of course, I look forward to it,” he told her. “Lovely”. He got up and excused himself to go home. “It was nice having you over, Nagito,” she said softly. He could tell she was getting sleepy. When people are tired, Nagito has noticed that their tone is rather sheepish. She walked him to the door, ruffling his hair playfully and he blushed. “Goodnight, neighbor”.

“Goodnight, you”

Before he left, she stopped him and handed him a paper: (xxx) xxx-xxxx ♡

“Call me when you get home so I have your number saved. Then, I can call you when my daughter, Vanessa, needs help. Take care, okay?”

He nodded.

She closed the door, his thoughts racing on his way home. He picked up some things about her, things she didn’t even tell him. He went home and opened a notebook, writing all of it down. He called her and she answered, her voice as sweet as when he left (only sleepier). “Hello?”. His breath was heavy without realizing it as he spoke. “H-Hey, you told me to call you,” he breathed,“It’s Nagito...Komaeda”

“Oh, hey, angel! I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

“What? No, it’s all good— why’d you think so?”

“You sound like you need to catch your breath, but anyway, thanks for calling me. I’ve saved your number now”

“Oh, great! Well, if that’s all, I’ll let you go to bed now”

“It was. Goodnight, Nagito”

“G-Goodnight”

He hung up, flustered more than ever as he continued to jot down his thoughts on paper. The next day, he woke up at 6am to wait in his car. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. At around 7:41am, his front neighbor and kids headed for their car. Nagito, who had taken a light nap in the driver’s seat, was awoken by the car starting. He waited for the car to drive away just slightly past his house to start his own car, slowly tailing behind her.

He dropped her kids off at the nearby elementary. She got off, kissed them on their forehead (all minus the eldest, who walked swiftly through the gates). Seeing how she cared for them made Nagito feel bad, but all he did was brush that feeling off. Next, he followed her through her daily. As he did, his notes from last night echoed through his mind, adding new detail.

“She works at an office not everyday She doesn’t have allergies but is sensitive to dust Red seems to be her favorite color but always in a darker shade Her daughter is around 10 years old She isn’t vegan but enjoys almond milk Maybe has an issues with abandonment but I can’t assume that either She buys many apples but not the same amount of bananas at the store so maybe she only eats the bananas—”

Just more to add to his notebook.

He got home before she did, writing down what he had learned. His phone rang about an hour later of him getting home. He picked it up,“Hello?”. “Nagito, hi!”. It was her. He started having a mini-panic attack, because why would she be calling him? “H-Hey, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright. I was wondering if you could come over and tutor Vanessa”

Oh, thank god.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be down there right now”

“Great. See you then!”

He was relieved, heading to her home happily. He knocked on the door. When she opened it, she did so with the same warm smile as yesterday. “Thank you for coming over,” she said,“She’s in her room”. Nagito nodded, freezing when she grabbed his hand and took him to the room. Her touch was so soft, noted. They got to the room, where a girl was reading a book on a desk. “Nessa?”. The girl turned around.

“Nagito is going to be here for a few hours to help you out with homework and studying. He’s really smart, so pay attention and be respectful”

“Okay, mom”

She nodded, squeezing Nagito’s shoulder before leaving. Nagito approached the girl, she took her things out. Before he could speak, she stopped him. “Please don’t call me ‘Nessa’,” she whispered,“It’s bad enough my mom does, but not you, Please”.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning on referring to you at all”

“Bastard”

“Nessa”

“I guess I walked right into that one”

Nagito laughed, grabbing a chair and sitting next to her. Her work wasn’t what he expected. Is this what they’re teaching kids now? He could’ve sworn he hadn’t seen this type of stuff until he hit middle school. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t do, but damn. All in all, tutoring went well. Vanessa actually learned something today. “Good job!,” he said. “Thank you,” she smiled and hugged him,“I felt so stupid”.

“Hey, its okay not to understand things”

Her mom walked in. “Dinner’s ready”. Vanessa got up and went to the kitchen. “How’d it go?,” she asked Nagito. “Went well, she gets the math now,” he answered. She smiled, thanking him for his help and asking him to join them for dinner. He’d be foolish not to, so he accepted the invite.

Fish tacos were served tonight with rice and beans, another lemonade made. It was different than anything Nagito had ever had, but that doesn’t equate to bad. He actually enjoyed the meal. The kids sat at the main table today, much more respectful than yesterday. “Michael how was school?”. He put a thumbs up, getting back to eating. “And Adrianna?”. She looked up from her meal and shrugged. “What’s wrong?”.

“I’m tired, but class was okay”

“Oh, okay. When you’re done, just take a quick shower and get to bed”

“Thanks”

Nagito thought it was endearing. Seeing how understanding and loving she was, it was refreshing. The kids all eventually left, Nagito finishing his meal. “Did you like it?”. He looked at her, nodding. “Great! Seconds?”.

“Full again. I don’t usually eat, but your food is always so good”

“Oh, you’re just saying things...”

“No, really! Thank you”

He said his goodbyes to the family, walking back home. It was as if he was falling for this woman more and more everyday. He went to sleep, this time dreaming of her. He never dreams, but this time he dreamt she was on her knees for him. Then, nothing else. It was as if his dream teased him.

The next morning, he woke up to some knocking on the door. He looked at the time. 8:23am. He put on a pair of jeans and his shirt, walking to his door. He opened it and there she stood, wearing a black dress and red heels. He assumed she had work and needed a favor before going. “Good morning,” he said.

“Were you following me yesterday?”

Shit.

“I, uh...,” he didn’t know what to answer. He was indeed following her yesterday. He also liked her, so if he straight up said that he was to following her, it’d ruin things. His face was glowing a shade of pink to a slight red as he thought of the right answer. He was still stumbling over his words. “I think it’s kinda cute,” she added. The fuck? “Huh?”. She pushed him inside the house, closing and locking the door behind him. “When a boy follows someone around, it’s because he wants something,” she added, but her tone was so sultry,“Well, Nagito—”. She pushed him onto the couch, leaning in front of him with her hands on his chest.

“—What do you want?”

None of what was happening felt real. Nagito couldn’t find the words to express what exactly he wanted. This was the first time he’d ever been in a situation like this, it wasn’t a bad one either. He began to panic when she straddled him. “Could it be that you wanted me?,” she asked. He frantically nodded and she laughed as she locked her lips with his. He gasped against her lips, kissing back. She slowly trailed her kisses down to his neck, cupping his jaw while grinding on his lap. Nagito moaned, his shaky hands grabbing her ass. She grabbed his hands and put them away from her. “It’s cute that you’re getting this carried away”.

“I’m sorry”

“No time to apologize. Get on your knees for mommy”

Nagito was about to lose his mind when she said that, but he obeyed. Her presence was domineering as he stood on his knees against his carpeted floor. She spread her legs, noticing Nagito desperately trying to get a look. Her red heel stopped him, stepping on his head lightly. “Am I teasing you?,” she asked,“It’s okay to be honest”.

“Y-You are, but its okay. I want to be teased by you”

“You’re adorable,” she took her heel off his head,“Let’s go to your room”.

He practically ran to his bed. He sat and waited patiently. She entered the room, heading to his bed. She began to take off his shirt, admiring his frame. She then unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He kicked them off and sat down. She sat next to him. “Give me your hands”. She held them, frowning slightly. “Boo, they’re so cold,” she teased,“I’ll warm them up for you”. Carefully, she grabbed his left hand, putting his middle and ring finger in her mouth. She licked to his fingertips, leaving him tense and speechless. She stopped and smiled at him.

“This is your first time, isn’t it?”

He nodded shyly. “Don’t be shy,” she said,“I’m going to guide you, but I’m also going to have my fun”. He gulped, nodded. She stood up and removed her dress. She wore a lacy black bra and panties. She brought his hands to her breasts, allowing him to fondle them. They were huge in his hands. “You like them, baby?”. “Y-Yes,” he muttered,“Can you, uh, take....the bra off?”. He was ashamed when asking, he felt desperate. She smiled and nodded, unhooking it and allowing the bra to fall to the ground. He gasped at the sight of her tits, grabbing them. She straddled him.

“Do you know what to do with them?”

He nodded, rubbing one and sucking the other. She moaned sweetly, grinding on his lap. He popped his mouth off them. That was when she took the opportunity to knock him onto the bed. She began to make out with him, shoving his tongue down her throat. They lay sideways. Her hand was on his neck, slightly choking him. He couldn’t resist but try to grind on her lap. She laughed. “Look at you,” she mocked,“Humping my leg like a desperate little puppy”. She didn’t let him speak, sitting up and pushing him back down. “I’m going to give you what you want,” she whispered in his ear,“Take your cock out”.

He was nervous as he did, hands shaky. She blushed a bit at his size. “It’s so big,” she said, straddling him,“I’m going to have my way with it”. “Please, do what you want to me,” he begged,“Abuse me, please”. She didn’t speak, sinking down on it. Nagito gasped, she was extremely wet. She began to bring her hips up and land straight down on it, repeatedly. She put her hands around his throat, now being rougher. Nagito gasped for air, grabbing her hands.

That was a mistake.

“Hands down,” she ordered, striking him across the face. “Sorr-”. He was slapped once again. “Only speak when you’re spoken to”. He nodded as his stomach began to cave in. His cock twitched each time she slapped him, making her moan. She leaned forward, capturing his earlobe between her teeth. He winced, his hands tangling in the sheets. He felt as though his entire body was blushing.

“You’re so sensitive there”

She teased him, kissing the skin and nibbling. His hips involuntarily snapped upward, making her whine. “You’re so desperate, baby,” she laughed,“it’s so cute”. He could feel her warmth running along his cock. He bit into his hand, trying to stop himself from cumming inside her. It worked, but she didn’t like him doing that. She grabbed his hands and kissed them.

“Don’t hurt yourself, put them right here”

She placed them on her boobs. He watched them bounce up and down, grabbing them gently. His rather large hands seemed small on her tits. He was extremely flushed. He took them off her and placed them on her hips. “Open your mouth”. He lay back more and did as he was told. She leaned forward, grabbing his jaw again as she spit into it and kissed him. He moaned when she did, his urges getting the best to him and thrusting upward. He hit her cervix every time, causing her to produce the sweetest and sluttiest of moans. Her walls tightened around him and now he was whining. “Are you gonna cum, honeybun?,” she asked.

“Y-Yes..”

“Where do you wanna cum?”

“I wanna cum...everywhere. I want it. I want it so bad. I wanna cum inside and on your tits, on your ass, y-your face..mouth. Please let me cum, mommy”

She motivated him, riding him harder. “Come on, Nagito,” she whispered,“Cum for mommy. Cum all the way inside her”. He lost his mind after that, groaning as he shot his load(s) inside her. He was still inside her as he tried catching his breath. She rubbed his chest, shushing him. “Good boy, you did so well,” she cooed,“Such a good boy.” He was covering his face, embarrassed and still hard. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?,” she asked. He shook his head, thinking,“Not rough enough”. He whined when she got off, revealing he was still erect. She noticed.

“You wanna go again, baby? Kids don’t leave school till 2:30. We have time for an extra fuck”

“C-Can I?”

“Yes, dummy”

She let Nagito choose how to fuck her. He wanted missionary, mostly because he craved intimacy and she did not disappoint. She kissed and praised him, telling him he was good. She held onto him the whole time and cuddled him afterwards. Nagito felt so special, he felt loved. “I can come over when I don’t have work,” she said,“Would you like that?”.

“I’d love that actually”

“You make me happy, Nagito. I could stay here and cuddle all day”

“I feel so lucky”

He yawned, looking at the clock. “Its 10,” he told her. She nuzzled his chest, humming. “Mmmm, let’s take a small nap,” she whispered,“Okay?”. “Okay”. He kissed the top of her head and held her to him, slowly joining her in slumber.

[babyjamiebarnes]

Build-A-Bear

Part One

Featuring: Bucky x Stark!reader, dad!Tony, Peter Parker (platonic), background MCU characters

Warnings: [chapter] language; [series] language, smut, violence

Summary: The only people who knew she was actually a Stark were her dad, her step-mom Pepper, and her “uncles” Happy and Rhodey. A promotion within Stark Industries takes her from an already-sought after position in the Weapons Anaylsis Unit straight to the Avengers as a Weapons Enhancement Specialist... which means her dad is her new boss. There’s only one rule at work: no fraternizing with coworkers. There’s one more rule at home: no dating any Avengers. So what is she supposed to do when a grumpy super soldier becomes not-so-grumpy around her? At 25, do her dad’s rules still apply? Or is her entire livelihood at risk?

Author’s Note: I’ve written a decent portion of this but know I won’t keep writing it or post it unless I hold myself accountable and get it out there in the first place 🙈 I haven’t written much for Marvel yet but I’ve read plenty and have written for other fandoms in the past (not to mention the writing degree on my wall lol). I’ll try to post every 2-3 days to keep this moving! And if you like it and want to, buy me a coffee!

No one knew Tony Stark had a daughter. No one but Tony Stark and his daughter. Well, and her step-mom Pepper. And her godfather Rhodey. And her uncle-not-uncle Happy. But no one in their everyday lives knew. She was given her mother’s maiden name and kept a secret, even when she turned 17 and moved to a small apartment near NYU’s campus (with Happy stationed right next door, of course) to start life as a truly normal adult, or as close to normal as an undercover Stark could be. When she graduated with her PhDs in robotics and electrical engineering at 25 — proving brains really do run in the family — she moved into her own apartment in Manhattan, funded by her father under the pseudonym “Michael Myers.” Subtlety was never his strong suit.

Fortunately for you, growing up without the Stark name let you live a relatively normal life. It also allowed you to apply for a position within Stark Industries without being ushered past any red tape because of who your father is. Outside of the financial advantage you had, you worked for your spot in a STEM career. You suffered through every man in your field belittling your work despite knowing less than you. You dealt with the constant interruptions and “well, actually” because of your gender. You powered through late nights and early mornings when your mind was flowing too smoothly to quit.

The last thing you wanted to do was have all that work disregarded because you shared a name with genius billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony Stark. So you filled out the application, sent in your resume and cover letter, and attached three letters of recommendation from your professors. You went through hours of interviews, background checks (conveniently redacting your father’s name), and polygraph tests until that offer letter showed up in your email. You even had to sign the Non-Disclosure Agreements that would bar you from discussing *anything* work-related with anyone outside of your department.

You spent your first year in the weapons analysis department, evaluating alien weaponry and determining how it worked and how to disable it. You had your fair share of mishaps, of course. Holes blasted into walls, fried robot dummies, even burnt animal carcasses. By the end of your first year, your supervisor sent a commendation and proposal for you for an undisclosed promotion. After Pepper Potts “thoroughly examined your resume, cover letter, and accomplishments during your tenure with Stark Industries,” as the letter read, you were awarded a position working on the Avengers’ weapons as a Weapons Enhancement Specialist. You’d never see a fight in-person, but you were assigned to work on advancements and post-battle repairs for everyone, from the Winter Soldier’s arm to the Falcon’s wings to Vision’s... everything. The only heroes you wouldn’t work on were Iron Man and War Machine (those were your dad’s territory) and Spider-Man.

On your first day in your new position, the one and only Pepper Potts showed you to your new lab on the 47th floor. It took all your willpower to look your step-mother in the eye and say, “Wow, Miss Potts. This is amazing. It’s such an honor to meet you,” with a straight face to convince any passerby that you had no outside affiliation with her. Even if her eyes stayed steady on you, you could see her mentally rolling them.

Once you were alone behind the doors of the elevator, conversation changed course.

“You’re going to be sharing a lab with someone else,” Pepper said.

“Sweet. As long as they’re competent, that’s fine by me,” you shrugged. Part of earning your degrees was learning to share a workspace with others, even those who bumbled and fumbled with no idea what they were doing. You’d had more hair singed by nearby explosions than you’d like to admit.

“He’s still in college so he’s not here as often as the others. Most of his work will be on Spider-Man’s gadgets and suit, but you can use him for any help you need.”

Walking past the familiar faces of Dr. Banner and Dr. Cho in their respective labs, Pepper ushered you into your lab, where you were met by your father and put on the same excited facade you did with Pepper.

“Oh my god, you’re Tony Stark! This is incredible! It’s such an honor to meet you, sir!”

He shook his head at you and reluctantly accepted your outstretched hand. Oh, the jokes you’d be making at family dinners.

“Yeah, anyway, this is your new lab, Miss [Y/L/N]. Make yourself at home. This lab rat over here is mister Parker. If you have any questions, he can at least bullshit an answer for you.”

The young man on the other side of the lab perked up at the sound of his name. He tugged the goggles off his face and set down his soldering rod to rush over to you.

“Hi. Hi, I’m Peter,” he said, reaching his hand out to you.

“I’m [Y/N]. It’s nice to meet you, lab partner.”

He looked to be a bit younger than you and at least relatively smart, if the MIT sweatshirt peeking out from under his lab coat said anything. If your dad gave him an internship like this, you knew you shouldn’t question it. He had to be a genius.

The kid just smiled at you, continuing to shake your hand past what most would deem socially acceptable.

“Okay, enough of that,” Tony said, pushing on your joined hands to separate you two. “Mister Parker might be in and out of the lab from time to time. He joins the Avengers on the occasional recon mission for immediate repairs but since he’s on break from classes, you’ll see him more often than not. Play nice.”

When he noticed you surreptitiously looking Peter up and down, he added, “Remember, no fraternizing with coworkers.” He pointed a finger directly at you before he spun and pointed to your fellow lab mate, realizing he should warn Peter too to save face.

“All the blueprints you need for the Tin Man’s arm are in the system. We’ll have you start on that and see what you can do about minimizing the sound that thing makes. Any other questions, give Pep a call.”

“Thank you, mister Stark. I really do appreciate everything,” you said genuinely.

“Yeah, well… don’t let me down,” he replied, patting you on the shoulder on his way out. Pepper followed close behind, leaving you alone with Peter Parker.

“So Peter,” you started, sliding onto the lab chair next to where he remained standing, “tell me about yourself.”

“Uh… what do you want to know?” he asked as he shoved his hands into his coat pockets.

“How old are you?” you asked immediately.

“I’m 21.”

Only four years younger than you. So you’d probably get along just fine.

“I assume you’re at MIT?” He nodded. “What are you studying?”

“Biomolecular and mechanical engineering.” He said it so casually, you’d think he was talking about the last song he heard on the radio.

“Damn,” you responded, eyes wide. “I thought robotics and electrical engineering was wild but fuck, that sounds like hell.”

He laughed and nodded, letting a bit of the tension in his shoulders fall. “Yeah, it’s not easy. But it’s worth it.”

He shot you a small smile before gesturing back at his project. “I should probably get back to work and let you get started.”

For the rest of the day, you familiarized yourself with the Winter Soldier’s arm to figure out how to… turn the volume down? You assumed it was the gears inside causing the noise, but part of you wanted to outfit an audio jack and speaker just to fuck with your dad.

You and Peter worked in relative silence, aside from the playlist he had quietly playing through the lab sound system. When lunch rolled around, however, you finally spoke up.

“Hey Peter,” you called, his eyes flicking from the chemical beakers in front of him up to you. “First of all, what are you doing?”

“Um, it’s Spider-Man’s web fluid. Just trying to find more durable combinations.”

“Interesting.” As much as you wanted to touch the stringy substance, you knew better than to fiddle with someone else’s lab work. “Okay so second thing, in my last position, I’d just order food and have it brought to my floor but now that I’m on an exclusive floor, what do you do for lunch?”

“Oh, there are a couple security guys who have clearance to come into this floor. They just can’t get into any rooms so you’d have to meet them at the elevator. But I usually find something in the kitchen down the hall.”

“Oh, sweet. Thanks!” you said as you made your way out the door. Before you could fully exit, you turned back to see if Peter wanted you to grab anything. Once he promised he’d take his own break ‘once I get this one thing figured out,’ you continued to make your way to the kitchen.

As you drew closer to the doorway, you could hear three voices speaking over each other. They didn’t sound angry, but they were definitely arguing. You opened the door anyway and almost immediately froze in your tracks. The Falcon stood with one hand on his own head and one on the Winter Soldier’s head while Captain America rolled his eyes before those same eyes landed on you, along with the rest of the room.

“Perfect,” Sam started. “Hey new girl, between the three of us,” he said, pointing to himself, the Soldier, and the Captain, “who has the best hair?”

“First of all, my name is [Y/N]. Second,” you continued, making your way past them to the fridge you hoped your dad kept stocked with goodies, “that’s an unfair question.”

You grabbed a soda and popped it open before turning back to the three men. “Your hair suits each of you. Cap wouldn’t look good with Winter Soldier hair and Falcon wouldn’t look good with Cap’s hair.” You took a few steps closer, leaning against the island counter between you and eyeing each of them. Your eyes settled on the Winter Soldier, unashamedly flitting across his face and admiring the sharpness of his features. “You,” pointing at him, “could probably pull off either of their looks, though.”

Bucky smirked at you, but his rosy cheeks gave away a hint of embarrassment at your compliment. Steve and Sam, on the other hand, weren’t taking it quite as gracefully.

“What?!” Sam shouted. “Okay, now I know you’re lying. I could pull off Cap’s hair for sure.”

“You know, I think shaggy hair would really suit me,” Cap said, only half sarcastically.

You giggled to yourself as the three of them started talking over each other again, all dead set on their own hair being the best of them and positive they could pull off the others’ looks. While they bickered, you searched the pantry until you found a snack to at least get you through the remainder of the day.

“Alright boys, it’s been fun but I have work to do,” you said as you walked past them again. “Actually, wait. Bucky — can I call you Bucky?” He nodded even though you continued anyway. “If you could stop by lab six today, I’d love to check out your arm in person. The digital renderings aren’t quite the same.”

“Uh, okay. Sure. I’ll find you,” he said quietly.

“Sweet, thanks!” And with that, you skedaddled back to your lab.

[fruitcoops]

Accidental Family

Hey folks! This is one of two fics for the six month celebration of this blog! Woohoo! Blood on the Ice is one of the most popular series I've written, and expanding it into Josie’s (@prohibitionincurls ) Winging It world with her was unbelievably fun. Disclaimer: one of the OCs has ADHD and it is a central theme of the story--while Josie based some of his characteristics on her own experience, we both recognize that this is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Thank you again for six amazing months, and I hope you enjoy!

Lots of love,

Eve <3

TW for mentioned injury

“Oh my god, they’re gonna kill me,” the kid whispered in a wavering voice, sounding much younger than he actually was as he left the penalty box.

“They’re not going to kill you,” Bowie soothed, still watching the tunnel where Remus had disappeared mere minutes earlier. From what he saw, there had been a bit of blood, but the bruising didn’t look too bad. Then again, there had barely been enough time for anything to visibly swell before he was whisked away.

“Can I just stay in the box?” Felix cast a look toward the Lions bench and his voice cracked. “They can’t yell at me in the box, right?”

“Hey. Look at me, Marty.” Bowie took him by the shoulders and gave him a gentle shake. “The Lions are good guys. They’re not going to hurt you, but you did just fuck up one of their best friends. What would you do if someone hit me in the face?”

“Come on, man, I’m a terrible fighter. I don’t know how well I’d be able to defend your honor after something like that. It was an accident. Do you think they know it was an accident? Should I go tell them?”

“I know. They know. Loops definitely knows. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re a little cold at first.” He ruffled the rookie’s hair and turned back to the game; the Lions were moving fast and brutal, slicing right through their defense for yet another goal. Shit. Felix clearly felt bad enough already--losing the game wouldn’t make him feel any better. 

They ended up losing the game.

Bowie had figured it might happen; he would have had the same fire if it had been his teammate that got clocked like that. Hell, he used to have the same fire when he and Remus had played together, so he completely understood. 

That did not change the fact that once they got home, Felix was still borderline inconsolable. The 18-year-old wasn’t technically billeting with them, but the apartment he was renting just so happened to be in the same building, on the same floor, and right across the hall from his and Simon’s. This led to an informal adoption of the rookie and he was around their house at least five times a week, if not more. 

Felix Martin was a good kid, and that idea was confirmed when Kronk immediately took a liking to him; the cat loved nobody but the three of them. Bowie was grateful that he and Simon were there to quell some of the homesickness that came from moving out to a new city on his own for the first time. The transition was always tough, but they could provide a little support.

They parted ways from the team when the bus got back from the rink and drove to their building in silence. Once they made their way up the stairs and down the hall, Felix moved to go back to his apartment. 

“Nope,” Bowie said immediately, placing a hand on his shoulder and steering him through the door to his and Simon’s place. It wasn’t a good idea for Felix to be alone right now--there was nothing to do alone after a loss aside from beat himself up about it, and Bowie would be damned before he let that happen. 

Simon and Kronk were perched on the couch, but they both moved into the kitchen as soon as the door clicked closed. Simon took one look at the pair and carefully wrapped his arms around Felix; the kid practically melted. The three of them stood there for a moment until Simon pulled back a bit and tilted his head toward the living room. Felix nodded and Bowie followed the two, sharing the couch with Simon while the rookie curled up in the large armchair diagonal to them. 

He...well, if Bowie was being honest, Felix looked like hell. He chewed his lower lip like an anxious beaver and fiddled with the loose threads of the closest armrest; everything about him screamed discomfort. Bowie caught Simon’s worried glance in his periphery and let out a slow breath, trying to relieve at least a little of the tension in the room.

“You don’t have to relive it if you don’t want to. I saw the game. But if you want to talk about it…” Simon trailed off with a significant look.

Felix sighed and his shoulders caved in a bit. “It was just one of those moments. All of a sudden, I didn’t really have a grasp on what was going on, which feels like shit because I’ve been doing pretty well so far. I dunno. It was just...bad.” 

That was it. Bowie knew Felix had seemed a little off. When Felix mentioned he had ADHD at the start of the season during one of their ‘getting to know your neighbor’ chats, Bowie hadn’t thought much of it. But as they grew closer, he began to notice when Felix forgot to eat or drink, or got overwhelmingly excited about something, or when he suddenly spaced out. It wasn’t just Felix being Felix.

The whole team stepped up and became intensely protective, of course. They not only helped him remember meal times, but also scheduling, directions, and everything in between. Bowie felt especially responsible for reasons he didn’t entirely understand--there was just something about the kid’s sweet heart that struck a chord.

He also knew that Felix was highly emotionally intelligent, but had no concept of whether people liked him or not. He was someone who assumed the worst, all the time. So, Bowie decided to do the only thing he knew would work: after a few more beats of uncomfortable silence, he pulled his phone out, tapped a few buttons, and pressed ‘call’.

“Hey, Remus, are you alive?” 

An amused snort came from the speaker even as Felix blanched. “Hello to you, too, Bowie. Jeez, you’re worse than Sirius.  I’m one hundred percent alive, just a little swollen. Your rookie’s got a helluva shot, but maybe tell the kid to hit the puck and not my face next time.” 

Felix flushed red and put his face between his knees, though hearing the laughter in Remus’s voice and knowing that he was okay clearly took some of the weight off his shoulders. Bowie whooped internally and shot him a quick, reassuring smile.

“Yeah, the kid’s got spirit, but he’s also got ADHD. He’s great most of the time, but sometimes under extreme pressure he can’t figure out where the fuck he--or anything else around him--is. Something about focusing or neurons firing the wrong way, maybe? Either way, it’s why he’s a terrible fuckin’ driver.”

Felix flopped back against the chair with a groan. “How the hell am I supposed to know how far away the cars around me are based on the mirrors? And how am I supposed to park?!” 

Remus’s laugh echoed once again. “Don’t ask me, kid, I’m not allowed to drive, either. Not because I’m ADHD, but because I’m terrible at it.” 

“You can say that again!” a muffled voice called from behind Remus. 

“Please excuse my fiance,” Remus said politely. “He’s a jackass who’s trying to make me lay down again.”

Felix smiled, though it was a bit pained. “I didn’t get a chance to apologize earlier. That stick was totally on me. And--I mean, I heard some of the guys talking afterward and it sounded like you got pretty banged up, so I’m really sorry. Like, really sorry.”

“Hey, woah, you’re fine,” Remus soothed. Bowie recognized his ‘talking to newbies’ voice and hid a smile in the cuff of his hoodie. “It’s the name of the game, after all. Did Bowie ever tell you about the time I accidentally checked him into a wall? Or when I broke his visor with a puck? For context, this was when we were on the same team.”

“Or that time you kicked my legs out from under me and sent me sprawling across the ice during practice.”

“That one was on purpose.” 

Bowie glared at the phone, but Felix was snickering and his grin was genuine. It calmed him a bit. “Thanks, Loops.”

“No problem, kiddo.” Remus paused for a moment, then mumbled something inaudible to someone in the background before clearing his throat. “Bowie.”

“Yes?” Remus had never been a wild card, per se, but he certainly had a knack for asking strange questions out of the blue.

“Did you accidentally adopt a child or do my ears deceive me?”

Bowie was about to laugh at the absurdity of it, but then he took a moment to think, looking back and forth between Simon and Felix. “Fuckin’--maybe I did, Re, but he’s ours now. And if that’s the case, I’m going to formally request that you tell your fiance to quit being mean to my son.”

Remus laughed on the other end of the line. “Will do. Felix seems like a sweetheart, I’m glad he’s got you two.” 

Bowie nodded with a slight smile, even though Remus couldn’t see him. “So are we. I can practically sense Sirius hovering, so go let your boyfriend fuss over you for a little while.” 

An offended noise came from Remus’s side, followed by a lower laugh and the click of the call ending. 

Simon looked Felix dead in the eyes. “I’m seconding the ‘kid’ thing. You may just barely be a legal adult, but it doesn’t mean we can’t adopt you. Congrats on your new gay dads.” 

Felix’s bright laugh sent a wave of relief through Bowie. “You guys are only, like, eight years older than me.”

“Silence, spawn,” Simon said, pointing a playful finger at him as his grin widened into something sweet and lopsided. “Now both of you need to come eat something. I made cookies while you were getting pushed around for a living.”

Bowie was still worried about Remus’ face--he made a mental note to call the next day to check in--but all his concerns disappeared as Felix scooped the cat up for a snuggle and followed Simon into the kitchen. They may have lost the game, but he would lose a million Cups to keep that moment forever: his Simon fussing over them both, his cat purring in pure bliss, and his kid settling into place at last.

[broiunno]

License to Steal - Act IV

License to Steal

ACT IV

Act I // Act II // Act III // Act IV

---

summary: Min Yoongi is your new protection detail upon your return to your father's side after being sent away during a bloody gang war. Now the dust has settled, you've been called back to your old controlled life, and leaving you an unwilling participant in your family's plans. You don't know what they are but you are no longer willing to be the obedient, protected daughter. You don't really care in the least of it makes Yoongi's new assignment hell on earth- So you'll carve your own life out back home on your own terms.

-rating: 18+

-pairing: min yoongi x reader

-word count: 5.8k

-warnings: swearing, gang activities includes drug mention and eventual drug use, the slowest of burns, organized crime, toxic af family dynamics, BEWARE IN THIS ACT: graphic family abuse (father initiated verbal and physical assault- does not fade to black), violence, blood, graphic descriptions of torture, and graphic sex scenes will be included in this work.

-authors note: @chelsea-chee leading the au as usual. I love her the appreciate her as my love, writer, and my beta. Her works are *chefs kiss* Thank you again beautiful <3 PLEASE NOTE: I AM REALLY NOT EXCITED TO POST THE NEXT FEW ACTS. They deal with heavy subject matter and I don't fade to black at any point so please note my works are for mature audiences, warnings are there for a reason and in bold. You are an adult if you are reading this work (per the warnings) and you are responsible for the content you consume. Thank you. ILY all and I love asks about the characters. And that's all I have to say about that...I'm sorry for the wait. I've had covid. I'm back on a better schedule now.

-----------------------------------------------

You fumbled with your hair as you tried to rip your fingers through the still damp strands to assemble it back into a semi-presentable pony tail as the door slid open to your father’s office. You really did wish that you had been able to go upstairs and shower. Or at least change your clothes from the workout gear you currently felt sticking to your skin from the cooling sweat. As a breeze drifted from the vent as the air kicked on, you shivered violently, shaking your head and shooting a hateful stare in Yoongi’s direction as you stepped into the office. Appearances were everything in your family. They were the first level of protection to ensure threats stayed at a minimum. A show of strength and cohesiveness discouraged any hair-brained ideas from a weaker or less organized opposition.

Your father raised a dark, thick brow, turning from the man was speaking quietly to, his expression unreadable as you inclined your head slightly in greeting. “You asked to see me?” you said quietly, keeping your eyes downcast. Since Yoongi had mentioned your father was summoning you, you knew it couldn’t be anything positive. This soon after your arrival? Nothing good would come of this. You had just grabbed onto the distraction of Yoongi until you both stood in the office, feeling stripped bare, awaiting whatever admonishment was about to be delivered.

“You couldn’t make it a full forty-eight hours without causing me a migraine,” your father said sharply and you kept your eyes trained on the floor, as you replayed yesterday in your mind.

“Father, I don’t know what you-”

“Y/N, you weren’t even back a day and you spent how much?” he said, aggravation lacing his tone. “I had to call in Kim to look at your accounts immediately. You’re a fucking hassle.” He huffed and your eyes finally lifted to the stranger that stood next to your father, noting that he stepped away from your father and bowed quickly.

“Nice to meet you, miss. I’m Kim Namjoon. I’ve been handling your accounts and will continue to do so.” You felt your lips part in a soft ‘oh’ as you studied the broad planes of his face, full lips and intense eyes. You felt like he was picking you apart in that moment as you took your time to absorb his ash blond hair in a relaxed, but carefully crafted style. His skin tone was golden; a contrast to Yoongi’s milk-like skin. He glowed, and you couldn’t tell if it from his melanin or the fact that he was radiating intelligence.

“N-Nice to meet you too,” you stammered and managed to close your mouth as he pushed up the rolled sleeves of his white button-down shirt. You swallowed hard and tried to claw through the mental fog that had overcome you. With the teasing from both Jungkook and Yoongi, being presented with another god-like man was the last thing you needed. “I will admit I’m a little confused; my spending was never a problem when I was away? I mean, it’s not like I bought a car.”

Your father barked a laugh and threw up his hands. “You have no grasp on what I do to make this money that you just piss away Y/N! And you COULD have bought a car with the amount you spent yesterday! Like I said: a god damn burden!” he hissed and you flushed slightly, taking a step back unconsciously as you watched his neck flush. Yoongi hadn’t said a word, but you knew you could still sense his dark presence in the corner of the room, not looking at him to notice his eyes narrowed slightly as the scene unfolded.

“Y/N, I’ve had an idea. You’re a daughter. I can’t do much with you. Your brother who I could actually have used is dead. Your mother-” He stopped as he watched your eyes bulge and he shook his head. “I can’t have more children. I’d consider it disrespectful to her memory,” he mused, a hand running along his chin and you couldn’t help the scoff that escaped you, but your jaw snapped shut audibly as your teeth clacked together after the noise passed your lips.

Your father’s eyes flared to life in challenge and he glanced at Namjoon, lip curling. “Did you calculate her estimated cost of living and monthly expenditures? Do you have solid numbers?” he said shortly and Namjoon just nodded, eyes flicking between the family members silently. “And did you adjust for a profit at the margin we discussed?”

“Yes sir,” came the deep steady voice, Namjoon’s eyes traveling your figure, his gaze not heavy with lust or desire, but full of curiosity. “The monthly amount that you should request for that profit is in the proposal if you would like to review it.” He finished and cleared his throat. “I can return if you want me to look over the contract,” he said softly, clearing fishing for a dismissal and your father granted it, offering his hand and you felt your mouth tighten in confusion.

“What contract?”

Namjoon grabbed a briefcase and inclined his head to you stiffly in farewell before his long legs carried him out the doorway. Your father’s gaze didn’t leave your eyes as he spoke. “Yoongi, see him out.” Yoongi nodded and started after the tall man in silence, not sparing you a second glance on his way out.

“I asked you what contract?” you said softly, struggling to keep your voice even as your father stepped closer to you.

“Well, you went out. Spent a lot of money that you’ve done nothing to earn, and caught someone’s eye in the process. Someone worth a lot of money and who would be an asset to have closer to the family at this point in his career.” Your father clasped his hands behind his back as he continued to close the distance between you, each step he made, you felt your heart plummet further.

“Father… what exactly are you implying?”

“I’m not implying anything, Y/N. I’m telling you. Someone’s made a bid for your hand, and it’s the only thing you’ll be good for at this point. The shopping sprees, your lifestyle. I can maintain them, but if someone else is willing to do so, and the marriage benefits me in my business, I’d be stupid not to pursue it. Do you think I’m stupid, Y/N?” he said, voice getting dangerously quiet as he reached out to tuck a piece of hair that had escaped the rapidly put-up ponytail behind your ear.

“You can’t sell me off like fucking cattle!-” you said, flinching away from his touch, and his large, calloused hand shot out to grab your chin tightly. He forced your face back towards his as you tried to jerk away, squeezing hard enough to make your eyes begin to water. Your heart thudded out a dangerous irregular rhythm as you breathed hard through your nose.

“I can’t? Y/N, you seem to be under the delusion that you are free from the responsibilities that come with being in this family. I suppose that may be my fault. I was too soft on you, pitied the losses I caused you to have. I always had your brother anyway; there was no harm in indulging you. But now, you’re the only one with my blood in your veins. You’re home to do a service for this family. Everyone else has given their lives in some way. Did you think you were special?” His words were measured and cold as he studied you, grip not loosening on your face. You would be bruised tomorrow as you felt the throb set in from the pressure he was applying.

“You may order me to do it, but I don’t have to go along with this,” you hissed, barely able to open your jaw, but clenching your teeth to get your words out, rage licking up and down your body. He had taken your entire life as a child, as an adolescent. Did he really think giving you a few years of freedom put you back in his debt so far that you owed him the rest of your life?!

No sooner than the words were out of your mouth you heard the sharp crack, and felt yourself stumbling backwards into the wall. You blinked quickly as you registered the pain in your head, immediately starting to pound as the metallic taste of blood filled your mouth. You barely had time to regain a semblance of your bearings before your father was upon you again, face chillingly blank as his ringed fingers gripped the base of your ponytail, ripping your head back at an awkward angle, a scream breaching your bloody lips. The noise was cut short by another blow, snapping your head to the side before he jerked your face back to center.

“Who do you think you are, you little bitch?” he said with a lilt to his tone as you choked out a sob, unable to keep it from escaping your lips. “You really thought you weren’t going to do shit to replace that money you spent?” When he finished speaking he gave your head a violent shake, as if to scramble your thoughts further. It was completely unnecessary, as your head felt as if it was splitting with the pain he had rocked through you with his blows and harsh grip. You felt the start of a purely hysterical giggle break through, spitting out the fresh rush of blood that ran in your mouth due to the cuts in your cheek from your teeth. You noticed a piece of the skin from inside your mouth flapping loosely that made you nauseated if you dwelled on it.

The laugh was probably the worst response you could have had.

You heard a soft hiss, and your father stepped into your space further, hands darting from your head to wrap themselves around your throat and squeezing. As your hands scrambled to scratch at his hand, his arm, his face, anything, you wished you were surprised at this. You wished you were hurt because you were shocked, but you weren’t. There was blood in the water and he was a shark. He built his life this way.

“You don’t have to go along with this…” he said softly, voice void of emotion, “but you also don’t have to keep living here either. How long will you make it without this family? You’d never make it out of the city.” He mused and continued to squeeze, your vision starting to spot as you tried to draw in any bit of air within the hold he had, the choking heaves under the weight of him making the blood that had pooled in your mouth from his blows spill over your chin grotesquely as it began to stream onto his hand. “So will you behave for once in your fucking life?”

You were hyper aware of the tears streaming down your face as you managed the smallest of nods. You supposed he was right; you had never imagined you would be used in the family in any way. Your entire life had been lonely, and even though you hated it, you had resigned yourself to it. His hands unwrapped themselves from your neck, letting you inhale a burning gasp of air as you slid down the wall, and onto the floor. You coughed and rocked forward onto all fours as the shaking of your body didn’t allow for much more than consciousness.

Your father pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the crimson of your blood off his hand before tossing it to you on the floor. You could barely recognize the quick but unhurried footsteps coming back down the hallway to the office before they stopped short.

“Yoongi, take her upstairs.”

==

The flush from hustling back to his boss’s office drained from Yoongi’s face as his eyes widened at your figure hunched forward onto your elbows on the floor. He watched you hack as your body tried to clear your airway. Yoongi stayed silent as he reached down, crouching next to you and attempting to offer you a hand so you could stand on your own, for which you were thankful. You felt the physical pain, but no emotions as your mind sluggishly screamed at you to just accept his hand and stand. You needed to walk out of here on your own. You knew you wouldn’t make it all the way to your room after the assault, but you didn’t need to. Just to the elevator.

You reached out your hand, shaking hard, as you clasped at his large palm and hoisted yourself up, letting him pull lightly as he stood with you, noting that he was still silent. You tried to ignore how your vision swam before you, willing your knees not to buckle. You couldn’t pinpoint if the unsteadiness was from the blows to your face, the lack of oxygen, or the tears that had thankfully stopped streaming down your face but still filled your eyes.

Yoongi seemed to read your mind, shifting his grip from your hand to your upper arm, nestling in your underarm and gently steered you to the door, but let you support most of your weight on the way out. You walked in silence as he didn’t rush you down the hallway, both of your eyes trained on the lift door as he typed in the code. As you waited for the door to open you felt your shaking legs betray you and start to bend. You glanced away from him, the movement of your eyes causing a piercing pain to shoot through your head. “Please,” was all you rasped wetly as you put more weight and started to sink, but the pressure holding you up immediately doubled, Yoongi’s support forcing you upright, even if it made your shoulder raise. It would be almost imperceptible from your father’s office if he was still looking in your direction, but you doubted he would. He had already received your submission; he didn’t need you for anything else.

Yoongi didn’t seem to want to take the chance that he was still watching, stepping into the elevator and continuing to only hold you in one place. His grip was still disguised as if he was walking you out in the same way he may escort an associate who was no longer welcome - in such a manner that would deter any further escalation. No one would be able to tell he was the only thing keeping you upright.

As the door slid shut to the elevator the facade crumbled, you lurching forward and gasping out a sob of pain, tilting your head down to let the blood that had been collecting in your mouth pour out onto the floor. You forgot how much mouth wounds bled. Yoongi was not bothered with the grotesque display as he swiftly adjusted his grip to wrap around your shoulders, his other arm sweeping at your feet as he lifted you with apparent ease. You shut your eyes as the tears began to flow once more, unable to restrain the moans and whimpers of pain that escaped between gasps as you cried. He still hadn’t said a word, even as you turned your face into his suit jacket, inhaling jaggedly as you tried to focus on the scent permeating from him, trying to place it through your snot-filled nose. The only thing you could recognize was the warm, woodsy scent of patchouli as you reached a shaking hand up to hold onto his jacket tightly. You knew he wouldn’t drop you, but it grounded you all the same.

You tried to slow your breathing, but failed as the elevator door opened and Yoongi strode quickly to your bedroom door, bending at the knees and somehow using his crook of his elbow and his body to turn the door knob, the only change in your positioning being that you tilted slightly as he spun it. He kicked the door with his foot gently as he stepped in, by-passing your bed as he carried you into your bathroom, carefully getting on his knees as he lowered you into your large bathtub as he placed you there. You continued to breath quickly, your gasps becoming sharper as your gentle shaking soon became uncontrollable. You released his jacket as he stood and you pulled your knees to your chest, shutting your eyes finally as you heard the tap briefly run before a cool rag brushed your chin, eyes flying open as you flinched away.

“Shh, I need to see your face. I have to get the blood off,” Yoongi whispered, and you finally looked at him, noting his face was still paler than normal. “Princess, I need you to take a slow, deep breath okay? Can you do that? Your lips are turning blue; you’re hyperventilating. You’re safe,” he murmured, brows pinching together in a pained expression you had never seen on his face as you tried to nod, attempting to take a long breath in but ended up gulping in air multiple times on the way, the blurring of your vision worsening as Yoongi grimaced, your breathing speeding up again, your shoulders shrugging with the effort to take in air. The last thing you heard was Yoongi’s tense exclamation of “Shit!” before you blacked out.

==

When you awoke, you were under the covers of your large bed. You sat up quickly before groaning from the ache in your head, then realizing that opening your mouth made you want to scream from pain. Between the squeeze on your jaw and the cuts inside your mouth, it was safe to say you would be saying very little for a while. You glanced towards the window, noting it was inky black outside.

“How long has he hit you?” came a cool voice from beside your bedside and you turned to face the source, seeing a figure standing beside the small table, casting a shadow with the aid of a lamp. Had he even left? Yoongi had shed his stained suit jacket, but still wore the white shirt and same suit pants. You only knew it was the same shirt due to the blood stain from where your mouth must have painted him. Instead of attempting to speak, you shrugged in an attempt to get his gaze off of you. It was piercing and unnerving. You felt as if this was the beginning of an interrogation, and you didn’t fail to notice the color had still not returned to his normally pale face. Now that your mind was a bit clearer you were able to recognize why it registered so deeply with you. He was the embodiment of white with fury. “How. Long?” he said again with such harshness you swallowed hard, ignoring the fire that licked down your throat as you did so.

“That’s a joke right? He’s always been like that. I just normally am better at avoiding it,” you forced out; your words were almost incoherent as you tried to move your jaw as little as possible as you spoke. That was bearable. Good. Not that you had expected it to be, but at least your jaw wasn’t broken; that would have been a pain in the ass. “What time is it?”

“It’s three am,” Yoongi hissed as his eyes glimmered in the near darkness, pushing off the wall and grabbing a glass of water off the table and sweeping a few pills into his hand. “Take these.” You took his offering and a small sip of the water before carefully throwing the pills to the back of your throat and washing them down, sighing softly. “They’re pain pills. They’ll help and you’ll be able to go back to sleep in a bit.”

You didn’t answer but pulled back the cover of your bed and slid out, noting that your bloody shirt had been changed but you still had on your sports bra and leggings. And your ponytail had been taken down, which was probably a good thing since your scalp was still aching from the hold your father had you in.

“Y/N… don’t.” Came Yoongi’s voice, still unemotional but a bit gentler than his earlier tone. You didn’t turn back to him but stopped your path to your vanity, obviously trying to look at your reflection in the mirror to assess the damage.

“Is it that bad?” you grumbled, turning to him and you watched him shrug.

“It’s not good. Don’t worry about it tonight. No bones are broken from what I can tell. I wiped you down the best I could. Just change once I leave and get back into bed.”

You let out a deep breath but finally stepped towards your closet instead to grab an oversized t-shirt. You could work the bra off under it and slip your pants off once you had it on. “Why did you even stay?” you said softly as you set to work, your muscles aching as you attempted to change modestly. You don’t know why it even mattered, but in this moment it did.

“I needed to know if he had done this before. I needed to know if this was the first time. When we were kids, you weren’t around all the time. Sometimes, I’d go months without seeing you. I didn’t know if this was a part of it,” he spat out, visibly tensing as he took a loud steadying breath.

You shrugged as you pulled off your leggings, successful in stripping your bra off under the shirt, and padded back to your bed. “There were a few reasons he kept me separated from everyone. It wasn’t all because he thought I was too precious to see any of this.” You climbed back into bed and tried to settle back into the plushness. Yoongi took a step closer to you, his mouth slightly open as he watched you try to get comfortable, seemingly unable to stop himself.

“Y/N…” he said softly and reached a hand towards you and you stiffened, eyes narrowing, and he took note, dropping his hand slowly.

“Yoongi, I never asked for your fucking pity.”

“I know, and it makes me want to help you even more.”

You blinked and tried to register what he was implying. “Help me?” you repeated, shaking your head as you felt the same hysterical laugh bubble up that had made your assault that much worse in your father’s office. “No one can help me!” You laughed, eyes widening as the smile twisted your features. “This is my life, this is what I was born into. This is what all those shiny things cost, Yoongi! I always knew it but I forgot.” You watched as the pained expression from earlier slid back over his features, and you raised your eyebrows in response. “I appreciate it, but unless you’re willing to put a bullet in my fucking head there’s no saving anything.”

“Who says it has to be your head, Princess?” he said gently and you swear you felt the world stop.

“Don’t say shit like that Min,” you hissed, baring your teeth and shaking your head. “Even if we don’t always get along, I don’t want you dead too.”

“Whatever you say Princess,” he said, a smile tugging at his lips as he cocked his head to the side. “Are you alright to sleep? You don’t feel like you’re going to vomit?” he asked seriously, watching as you shook your head.

“I don’t have a concussion,” you grumbled but as you watched him smirk and go to grab his jacket you felt your heart speed up. “Yoongi- w-wait.” He immediately stopped, as if he was anticipating your words. “Can you stay here the rest of the night? I know he won’t do anything but I-”

“Let me go change my clothes. Is that okay Princess?”

“Yeah… I just don’t want to be-”

“It’s fine Y/N. I’ll be right back.” You stayed sitting up, watching him as he dismissed your attempts at explanations and justification as he walked out.

You sighed, leaning against the leather headboard and let your breathing even out, even as your heart still raced. The pain began to slowly ebb as the medication took effect; what had you even taken? It had to be something strong as a comfortable fog began to cloud your thoughts.

You didn’t know why you felt the need to have him here. Did you even need to explain? He was technically your bodyguard. You had known each other most of your lives. You had just suffered through an assault; staying with you was reasonable. Even if the assailant wasn’t unknown, nor were the motives. At the end of the day, Yoongi’s presence made breathing a bit easier. His presence made you feel safe.

The door opened again and you sucked in a breath as Yoongi re-entered your bedroom, one hand carrying his gun and holster, the other a hanger with a clean pressed suit. “I’ll wake up before you,” was all he said in response to your surprised expression as he studied you. He mistook the shock on your face as being accredited to the suit. He was an idiot if he thought you cared about the fact he would dress here. You were too busy drinking in the sight of his lean figure in low-slung grey sweatpants. You tried to rip your gaze back to his face but you got caught on the black ribbed tank top and the swirling black tattoos covering his shoulder and chest before disappearing under the material.

“I didn’t know you had tattoos,” you choked out, feeling your face flush and mentally slapping yourself. He may look like sex on legs, but you looked like you just had the shit beat out of you. Which to be fair to yourself, you actually just had the shit beat out of you.

“Oh, I forgot,” he said, a small smirk tilting his lip up but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He draped his suit over the chair to your vanity and carried his gun with him towards the plush armchair in the corner of the room.

“The bed is big enough Min. I won’t touch you,” you said breathlessly, trying to force away the blush that was deepening across your face. He seemed to freeze and take a few steadying breaths.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Princess.” His voice was controlled but quiet.

“Please Yoongi…” you said just as quietly. “It’s just for tonight. I won’t feel safe if you’re all the way over there.”

It was definitely an over exaggeration. You hadn’t really expected him to even agree to stay in your room with you. The chair was the reasonable option. You knew you were pushing it.

“Princess, I-” He breathed, the airiness of his tone making your belly somersault and it gave you a tiny shiver.

“Yoongi, please. I need you next to me. Just tonight.” You shouldn’t be so worried about getting this man into bed with you, but now that he was here in front of you and it was so close to happening, you felt you might cry if he denied you.

You watched his back muscles rippled as he tensed and tried to relax. He turned wordlessly and walked to the opposite side of the bed, setting his holster down and climbing into the king-sized bed with you. “Go to sleep Princess.”

The drugs had to be prescriptions, not that you really expected a member of an organized crime family to just take a regular aspirin when they were in pain. “Is the oxy working yet? It should start soon if it hasn’t.” You hummed your assent as you squirmed down into the bed and tried to keep the smile from your face as you reached over and turned out the lamp. You took a deep breath and shut your eyes, savoring the heat that quickly built from having two bodies under the covers of your bed, ignoring the slightly annoyed sigh from the other side of the bed.

“Be quiet Min, I’m trying to rest,” you said softly and a soft dry chuckle cut through the silence as you let sleep take you.

==

Yoongi’s POV

Yoongi listened to the soft sounds of your breathing as they lengthened and deepened, the pain pills having done their job perfectly. If only he could have done his job in such a manner. He had been given a job: to keep you safe, and he took it seriously. Even if the one assigning his work was an abusive piece of shit. Yoongi let out a sigh, glancing over at your figure in the dark to make sure his huff hadn’t disturbed your slumber. It didn’t. You were still laying there, eyes closed and unaware, your face turned towards him to afford him a view of what exactly your father had done in his absence.

He felt his teeth grind against each other as even in the dark, he could make out the near black bruises covering your neck in the clear shape of hands, a bloom crossing your smooth cheek as well. Even your chin and jaw were dark from bruising; evidence that your father had held your face to force submission. It had worked. He opened his mouth and stretched his own jaw to try and stop himself from continuing to grind his molars down to nothing in rage. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to forget how you looked and how he felt when he entered the office, watching the blood drip onto the floor. How he wanted nothing more than to simply pull out his gun and lodge a bullet into your father’s knee before proceeding to swing the butt of his gun down onto him until he shattered every bone in the pig’s disgusting face.

Until he begged him to stop. Until he begged his daughter to tell Yoongi to stop.

The daydream made Yoongi smile a full gummy smile and chuckle for the first time today. He would stop when you told him to. If you told him to. Now that he knew your father had put his hands on you before this, he wondered if you would just let him continue until his mania at seeing what had been done to you was sated. He knew it wouldn’t be until he heard your father’s death rattle, knowing it had been at his own hands.

You stirred slightly to readjust in your sleep, drawing his attention back to the present as you moved closer to him in the bed and he sucked in a breath. Even beaten and bruised you affected him. Even carrying you in that elevator down the hall as you clutched onto him. He had been spiraling down into violence but as soon as you grabbed his jacket, he knew you wouldn’t withstand even him raising his voice to anyone without shattering. You were normally so fierce and seeing you broken made him want to tear apart this entire society you both lived in, even if it was all either of you had ever known.

It was then he had decided he would be what you were asking of him with your sobs and how you clutched onto him; he would be as gentle as could be and give you whatever you needed tonight. Tomorrow he would begin the undertaking of dismantling your father piece by fucking piece.

He had watched over you after you passed out; you had woken up briefly for him to get you to take pain medicine once before you actually were able to speak to him. Before you asked him to stay with you. He wanted to pretend it didn’t make his icy heart crack, the way you tried to explain and justify his presence. He would never ask you to in this kind of situation. When Yoongi returned to his room, he attempted to steel himself for a night of sitting in that uncomfortable chair, and a sleepless day tomorrow. He had gone more than twenty-four hours without sleep before.

But when your eyes, even if they had started to become glossy and dilated from the drugs, began to run over him, he had to try and think of every unsexy thing he could fathom. You had just been fucking violated and just with one look he felt the blood travel away from his brain and pool below his waist. Why did he think he would be able to wear sweatpants while staying with you? You destroyed every semblance of self control he had. He still hadn’t forgotten your teasing in the elevator prior to this shit show.

Then your soft drowsy voice had called out to him just as he had regained his mental fortitude and continued to the chair. You would be the fucking death of him and he didn’t think he would really mind. Now, as he laid here in bed with you trying to ignore the fact that you were shifting closer to him in your sleep, seeking his warmth, he closed his eyes. He had anticipated the pure fury of tonight keeping him awake, but instead it was the fact that he could feel your breath on his neck, that if he turned his head back to you he could still make out your absolutely gorgeous feminine form from under the blankets. The dip in your waist and the curve of your hips, sloping into your soft thigh. Yoongi’s eyes shot open as he let out a soft hiss as he felt his member stiffen in his sweats, one large hand reaching down to palm himself, and he willed his hard-on to disappear.

He dropped his eyes again, confident he would get his bulge to go down without waking you, and as he tended to it, a soft small hand reached across his middle, making his forehead furrow. He tried to take a steadying breath, and tried to not imagine that the events of last night weren’t the reason he was in your bed. That you had just invited him to bed because you wanted him there, not for security but because you wanted him as a man to share your bed and body. That he could roll over to face you, slip his own hand up that oversized shirt and rub soft circles into your skin before slipping his hand down in-between your thighs.

Yoongi felt his cock twitch and himself harden further, forcing another deep breath in and out as he circled back to try and think of grotesque things to make his longing subside. You at least had stopped wriggling in the bed in an attempt to get closer; he was thankful for that. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and tried to calm his heart and regulate his breath to make it possible for him to drift off.

This was going to be a long night.

[nevermindirah]

Dorothy Freeman facts

By facts I of course mean headcanons, because Nile's mom doesn't get a first name in canon (or even confirmation that her last name is Freeman). All we know about her is the picture on Nile's phone lock screen (which is Kiki Layne's real-life mom and brother!) and a few lines that Nile tells Andy about her. I’ve been collecting my Dorothy headcanons for a while now to eventually make a post, and @mprosperossprite​‘s excellent post giving non-Americans context for what it means that Nile is from the South Side of Chicago prompted me to go ahead and share this. Disclaimer that I’m white and I will absolutely make corrections if it’s pointed out that I’ve caused harm with any of this.

So here have some fun facts about the version of Mama Freeman who lives in my head rent-free:

Her family and growing up:

she was born in the mid-'60s and named after Dorothy Dandridge

I can’t decide whether she was born in Chicago or moved there later on (maybe with Nile’s dad?) and when in the waves of the Great Migration her family left the South

she came of age in the "post"-Civil Rights movement and went to college in the mid-80s when a lot of what are now the foundational classics of Black feminism were being written

she was a young adult when Anita Hill risked so much to report that a Supreme Court nominee had sexually harassed her, and as a result she HATES Joe Biden

Marriage and babies:

she met Nile's father — I can’t decide how they met and I have two competing headcanons for his name, either Gideon for the hefty Biblical masculinity vibes (Giddy for short among family, that man loved to laugh) or Carl, which started out as a shitty Carl’s Jr burger chain joke that turns out to be perfect (it means free man!), and @knoepfchen​ used it in the sequel to if you do take a thief where Carl is alive!! — and Dorothy was a little skeptical of his near-religious devotion to the military but he was really hot and really devoted to her and they made it work

she's a little pissed that she was right but it's unbearable if she thinks about it too often

it's going to be a long, long time before she can look back on pictures of Baby Nile stomping around the house in her dad's combat boots (this is a Gina Prince Bythewood headcanon, whyyyyyyyy can I not find a link to where she said this)

she named their second baby Indus, Indy for short (this is nearly as established fanon in Book of Nile circles as how much Booker loves eating pussy, and Indy Freeman as a young adult is portrayed by either Aldis Hodge or John Boyega I don’t make the rules)

Work:

Dorothy did some office jobs but nothing really grabbed her, and she was probably gonna have to move for her husband's career, so she decided on teaching — high school humanities

she’s been active in CTU (one of the strongest teacher’s unions in the US) her whole career and one year she was on the bargaining committee and her babies know damn well never to trust a boss, not even one who says all the right things — if she ever finds out the way Nile said "like Quynh?" when Andy promised to protect her, she will lose her mind with pride

(Nile was 18 and freshly graduated from high school in 2012 when CTU went on strike for the first time in a generation and she brought her mom snacks on the picket line)

one of her very favorite things is getting her students to laugh despite themselves at her "oh my GOD you're so EMBARRASSING" old-people jokes

she's one of those teachers who can get 30+ teenagers to go dead silent with judicious application of body language

she's known to occasionally go easy on grading subjective things like essays when she knows students are having a particularly rough time at home, but the second she gets the feeling they're taking advantage and not trying their best that shit is over and they better mind their Ps & Qs

she's the kind of person who says old-people shit like that

she gives her students assignments like "help 5 neighbors register to vote" and "write a compare/contrast table about the candidates in this local election" and "research 5 different ways you could get grant money to do X" and other practical civic-minded shit

standardized testing is her supervillain origin story, just kidding it’s Rahm Emanuel, why the fuck did Obama trust that asshole

After her husband died:

she would have lost her goddamn mind if it weren't for her church friends after her husband died, people from the church raised money so they could make ends meet while his pension paperwork was taking forever, church friends watched Indy so Nile could go out for the soccer team, etc etc

she sold her and her late husband's house and moved to a 3-bedroom co-op unit when Nile started high school, it's more affordable and it meant she didn't have to worry about household repairs in the same way, she can use a wrench if she needs to but she doesn't have time and it just makes her grief flare up (co-op housing has a long history in Chicago and other US cities (like Washington DC where I live) as a way for Black people to access decent, affordable housing in the face of entrenched discrimination)

the move meant putting a longer commute between her and church, but she didn't even bother looking for a church closer to their new home, she loaded the kids into the car on the weekends, parking is hell in their new neighborhood but it's worth giving up a hard-won parking spot to not have to wait so long for the L on Sunday mornings

Indy lived with her through college and he was gearing up to get his own place when Nile died, Dorothy was planning to move into a one-bedroom in the co-op building because she doesn't need so much space anymore, Indy took a day off from his new job (not so new anymore, her baby's so grown!) to help her sort things to donate when those dress-uniform Marines came to their door

part of her wishes she could've been home more and not had to rely on Nile so much for help with Indy, but he's turned out such a kind young man, and he's a much better cook than his sister is (was, oh God — no wait, is! she’s alive! what do you mean you’ve been alive all this time??)

some of the girls from church are encouraging her to check out this social dancing thing, nobody's pressuring her to date but there's definitely been some ribbing, and with Indy out of the house... maybe? probably not, but maybe

Her feelings and beliefs and likes and dislikes:

she's an absolute badass and also she's a soft human woman with lots of feelings

she's very, very traditional in some ways, and part of her mixed feelings about Nile following in her dad's footsteps is gender stuff, she's proud of her daughter and would never stand in the way of what Nile wants to do with her life, and if Nile came home and told her she's a lesbian she would never reject her, but if Nile came home and told her she's bisexual maybe she can just try focusing on men? “I love you sweetheart and I want you to be happy I just know how hard it is already for us in this world” type shit

she has been on team natural hair basically her entire life and one of the worst fights she and Nile ever had was over Nile wanting to straighten her hair as a pre-teen

Indy takes more after her and Nile takes more after their dad, she's so proud of both of them, but Dorothy's activism was mostly wearing her natural hair to work and daring bosses to give her shit, Indy's out there marching in the streets like her parents had and she WORRIES

she teases Indy for going to so many protests like he's using it as an excuse to meet girls, but she WORRIES

when she turns 60, she gets box braids with streaks of dark purple, subtle enough that it's still work-appropriate but it makes her smile, she may be old now but damnit she’s still pretty!

she loves Grey's Anatomy and Star Trek and she watched Bridgerton all in one day

she has a dirty-old-lady celebrity crush on Chris Hemsworth

if she's ever masturbated thinking about Donna Summer, well, that's nobody's business but her own (do non-Americans know about the queen of disco??)

If you want to read fic featuring Dorothy:

I won't have to leave alone, 1000 words, Nile has a nightmare and decides to go tell her family she's immortal

I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore, 65k, Nile adjusts to immortality and does a lot of soul searching about what it means to "do what we think is right", Booker goes to grad school for trauma studies, the working title of this fic was Booker Reads Edward Said and Gloria Anzaldúa and Goes Down on Nile and the final product has an annotated bibliography in the author's notes if you’re into that kind of thing, a lot of my Dorothy Freeman headcanons were born of my process writing this

Gather round the table, we'll give you a treat, 2279 words, college AU, Nile brings her Jewish boyfriend home for Christmas

a contribution I made to Shitty Old Guard Deaths: (Booker, USA, 2025, cause of death: a mother’s righteous wrath)

[black-rose-writings]

I read Ruin and Rising because I’m bored

And I also hate myself

Like with the last book, I have a vague idea of the plot and stuff from tumblr and fanfics. I will also be refering to Darkling as Sasha for most of this.

I am still Darklina trash and don’t particularly like Mal.

On a different note, I’ve finally moved for college, but the internet here is trash, so I’ll probably have a lot more reading time now, since most games I play are online and will crash without internet.

Before

Cool story. Let’s hope Alina stays a badass.

Who am I joking, I know how this ends.

Chapter 1

So far so good. I hate the Apparat, per usual. Alina’s there basically dying and that bitch can’t wait to see her do so.

Cult leader to the core this one. He probably hates that his figurehead is alive and also not brainwashed.

Cult leader doesn’t like swearing. How surprising.

My boy David is completely right. What kind of irresponsible dingus keeps centuries old books in a fucking wet-ass cave? (Or a tree for that matter *cough cough* The Last Jedi *cough, cough*).

Genya is fun to be around.

Oh, shit, let’s go.

Chapter 2

Jesus Christ, Alina, Zoya isn’t that bad.

This is one hell of a shitshow.

I live for this version of Alina. Badass. Scary. I want more of this Alina.

Chapter 3

Out of all the random little details from crappy smut fics, I did not expect Oncat to be from the books, lol.

Mal actually has a supernatural tracking ability. Like, literally, they put a bug into the pouch with gunpowder so he could make the shot. I guess this was kinda said before, but never this directly, right?

Alina’s merzost-skyping Sasha now, yay.

Alina is horny for Sasha boy. Yay.

Alina canonically has a praise kink. Nice.

I hate LB with all of my heart at this very moment. How dare she bait us Darklina people like this? How DARE she? (Shipbaiting is the worst, seriously.)

Yes, yes, yes. These two lines. That’s what their relationship is all about. They’re each others foils, the yin to the other’s yang and... ugh. I am Darklina trash to the core and this hurts.

Darklina: You have a terrible taste in men.

Alina: I liked you once.

My boy Sasha walked into that one.

Chapter 4

Alina is a Queen. And we love her.

David, my beloved, my spirit animal.

It’s surprising they can read it at all, given it’s been centuries. Have you ever tried reading medieval manuscripts?

Honestly, with a father that crazy, it’s no wonder Baghra’s a bitch. And I’ve seen it said somewhere that the books imply Ilya’s experiments are what caused Baghra to be a shadow summoner and you know what? I can see how you’d make that connection.

Why is there so few Tidemakers in the books? Waterbenders are useful. I want more waterbenders.

Alina picking up some habits from Baghra I see.

Ah, yes, we love an educated giant.

I’m starting to think Harshaw is a bit nuts.

Shut up, Hershey. Or at least share the weed with the class. I’m not here for this “He’s mean to you because he likes you”. I might believe that in like, elementary school, but yall are (more or less) adults. Jesus.

Well, that was a bombshell of a twist.

Chapter 5

Oh boy, we’ve got some trauma bonding for out merry band of misfits. Yay.

Adrik has a crush on Zoya. And she hates it, lol. Cut the kid some slack, he’s like 15 or something.

That reminds me, I have a four-leaf clover pressed in books from close to year and a half ago. Time flies.

They’re really diving into the Mal has supernatural powers, huh?

Ghosts, let’s go.

Alina “I’m so happy to be outside I start to shine like a fucking fairy” Starkov and Mal is entranced. He’s definitelly nicer now. I’m not forgiving him for all the shit he’s pulled before and for using the silent treatment way too much, but hey, at least he’s improving.

I am not a Zoyalina person, but like... gay? Please? Rivals to grudging allies to friends to lovers, 300k slowburn? Sounds more fun than whatever Mala dn Alina have going on, lol.

(I’m starting to realize I’m not as much a Darklina person as I am anti-Malina person, lol. Like, literally everyone has a more interesting dynamic with Alina than tracker boy over there. Malina is at best boring AF and at worst toxic, codependent and emotionally abusive, while also being boring AF at the same time. It has literally nothing going for it except God herself liking it).

I can see why Nadia is gay in the show. The book version of her definitelly has a crush on Tamar. Homegirl likes a woman, who can murder her with the flick of her wrist and honestly? Same.

Alina has some big “coming out of lockdown after a year” energy atm.

The cat is one of the most realistic characters in this thing, lol.

And since Tamar is also heavily queercoded, our lovely ladies make off into the night, flirting. Or maybe not. Let me dream, though.

At least Blade Boy is aware that his tattoo is stupid. To quote someone ranting about him on tumblr: He’s embracing his identity as a tool.

Oh, boy, this will be fun.

Evil soldier is horny for Mal. Saints, is there a woman in this book who isn’t horny for Blade Boy?

And here comes Niki to save the day.

Chapter 6

Niki saved the day.

Fiberglass? And David being David. Genya being in love with her nerd of a boyfriend.

Jesus Christ, this one crazy kid has moved the technology in this universe a whole century on his own. So, when is David going to propose to him?

Baghra hasn’t changed much I see.

Baghra’s about to drop some truthbombs, but no, we have to be rudely interupted because Genya’s rapist is throwing a fit.

Chapter 7

How does Mal sound? Is she gonna say the Blade boy sounds like her dad? I mean, I know voices are partially genetic, but it has been tens of generations between them, probably.

So, we’re finally taking Genya’s trauma seriously after all this time? Good. Better late than never, I guess.

I wish that regicide was already finished and I’m pretty sure that Genya does, too. Stop defending the fucking king, narrative.

David’s a nerd in all things I see.

Someone please just kill the king already. And the queen, too, for good measure.

Now that’s a romance.

Infodumping and listening to said infodumps is a legitimate love language, Alina. Let them nerd out over poisons.

Wait, has Alina never directly killed anyone before? I thought she did... hmmm.

And just like that, it should have been over. Ugh.

Somehow, Baghra is a better teacher now than she was before. She half feels like a completely different character.

Nevermind, she’s back at it.

Chapter 8

Holy shit, Nadia and Tamar are canon. They have canon gays here.

So, which one of them is gonna die?

Chapter 9

We arrive at that scene. The one, where they should have fucked.

Jeez, girl, get a hold of yourself. Life is short, fuck a villain.

In other news, Genya and David definitelly fucked.

Chapter 10

Poor David. He just wanted to know.

Damn... I never realized just how young Baghra was, when she killed her sister.

I’ve already made a post about this, but it really does strike me like Baghra has already decided to end her life at this point in the book.

Why is that whole “but what if we’re related” thing even in there?

Chapter 11

We love a suprise attack.

When did Sasha boy learn that trick?

Baghra really just did that. Oh boy.

Chapter 12

No, don’t kill the kid... ugh.

Emotiona support cat. She should be friends with Milo.

Porrige for brains. Oof.

So Nadia was the one, who got bees set on her in the book. Cool.

That’s a good question. Why was it never brought up to Alina, that other Grisha get blocks, too?

David already thinking of steampunk prosthetic for Adrik is honestly kinda sweet.

Chapter 13

Back home... kinda.

Is that really... you really care about Mal bonking the Grisha school mean girl over a year ago? Okay.

Chapter 14

Angst! Yay!

And more angst.

Chapter 15

Sasha really went “My mom killed herself to save you? Well, I’ll kill the closest thing to parents you have.”

Chapter 16

Nikolai’s alive. Kinda.

And these two have such a sibling energy, I can’t.

And then they fuck. Ew.

Chapter 17

Wait, wait wait... so Alina isn’t even the one to destroy the Fold?

Okay. That’s... weird.

Holy shit. That was...

So, Aleksander is dead. Mal isn’t. Someone else destroyed the Fold for Alina and now she has no powers.

Okay.

That’s a weird-ass ending.

Chapter 18

The gays survived, so that’s nice.

Genya made good on her promise of making Alina a ginger, lol.

After

What emotion is this supposed to give me? Cause all I feel is kinda sad.

[hadesisqueer]

How do you feel about Yang and how she’s summarized in Vol. 8 as suspicious and emotional?

Late, but better late than ever. I've been waiting for this one. It's probably the longest because as I said, I make either two lines or just an entire character analysis lol. And I'm going to do it properly this time.

Okay, I straight (gay) up don't know where to start. I love Yang. I truly love Yang. She's not perfect, she has many flaws, but that's what I like the most about her. I can't help but laugh when some people say she's a Mary Sue.

Childhood, first volumes.

Yang starts the series as the funny blonde hot girl that goes around punching people. And I liked that, but I also like how she wasn't just that, as I said with Nora being the comic relief. Like, there's so much more in Yang than that, just like Weiss turned up to be much more than just the bratty tsundere.

Yang's mother abandoned her. Her other mother disappeared. Her sister was a toddler that didn't really get what was going on except her mother being gone, and her father was so depressed that for a good while, he wasn't even able to raise her daughters. Can you imagine being in that situation? I imagine she was, at most, six when that happened. She was forced to become Ruby's mother figure at six. She was forced to become the fucking adult in the house at six.

Damn, you can even see the difference between how Qrow talks to Ruby and how he talks to Yang, at least at the begining. He talks to Ruby as her uncle, as her mentor. He may tease Yang a little because she's still his niece, but when he talks to her, he always talks like she's an equal. Like, Tai still considered Yang a kid, but Qrow treats her like an adult, and knows and expects her to be the mature one. Because he saw her all those years, being forced grow up so fast. He trusts her to protect and take care of Ruby, and she trust him to protect her as well.

And damn, all of this really explains her behaviour when the series began. As Ruby got older and started to be able to take care of herself, and Tai eventually started to be functional again, Yang had more freedom. Her personality and eagerness for adventure and parties and all of that - is just her trying to make up for her sacrificed childhood. But even then she still was, out of all the girls, the most mature and nurturing of team RWBY. She is the party girl, yes. The hot headed one that will break legs. But she's still the adult of the group.

And then volume 3 happens. She gets framed in front of the entire world, two of her friends die, Beacon falls, she loses her arm in the most traumatic way possible; Weiss, her friend, is basically taken away from her and Blake -her partner, the girl she probably already had feelings for at that point- left, triggering her abandonment issues. And of course, PTSD, because she isn't fucked up enough already. She's so fucking destroyed that she can't even talk about Weiss, about Blake, about what happened. She doesn't even want talk to Ruby, because she can't stand the thought of her little sister seeing her at that state. She is not used to be the one people have to take care of, and it becomes more and more obvious in the next volumes.

Disability, recovery, abandonment issues

I like how volume 4 treats her recovery. I mean, I wish her storyline was longer, but I also like the DC comics. Now, the thing is, she isn't really recovered. In vol 4, she learns to live with her disability, she learns how to use her new arm, she learns how to fight better than she ever did before. It's about physical recovery. But is she okay? No. She hates being taken care of. She forced herself to be okay, or at least pretend she was, so Tai would let her go with Ruby. And in vol 5, she's anything but alright. She is pretending to be for Ruby's sake, because she is her mother figure and Ruby can't see her like that. She has to face her abandonment issues, she still has PTSD, and she is just not okay. Weiss notices right away, and tells her that it's okay if she is not okay. She noticed how hurt she was about Blake leaving. She just could see through the façade because if Weiss knows about anything, is about loneliness and pretending.

Her conversation with Raven at the end of the volume is just one of the best scenes, because you can just see how much Yang has grown. That scene deserves a post of its own because it's just amazing. But she finally faces one of her fears -her own abandonment issues, though they probably will always be there- and sees right through Raven. Because just like her, Raven just puts a façade to hide her own fears and insecurities, and the moment her own daughter isn't just taking any of that shit, she just starts crying. Because Yang is right. And deep down, she doesn't want to let Yang take the lamp, but she isn't just strong enough. Deep down, she wants to be in Yang's life, wants to protect her, and I think Yang knew that. But it was just too late.

More abandonment issues and relationship with Blake.

Now, to Yang, Blake coming back was huge. Not only in the terms of shipping, but as a whole. In her mind, Blake left her, just like Raven, just like Summer (though Summer didn't do it in purpose), and technically, just like Ruby, though she knew why Ruby did it and understood. But she's probably wondering “what is wrong with me that everyone always leaves me”. And she always has to be the one looking for the person who left her.

Not with Blake. After that talk with Weiss (bless the wingwoman), Yang was able to understand Blake's perspective better. But she didn't think Blake would actually ever come back, because no one ever does. But she did. Not only did she come back; literally, all Blake cared about once she entered the room and saw Yang was her (for once, someone is prioritizing her). And later, she was the one to walk and talk to the team, and tell them she didn't plan to leave again if they accepted her back. She didn't have to look for Blake because she was already looking for Yang. She was the one who made the effort, not the other way around. And to Yang, even though they still had issues to work through, even though she was still afraid at that moment that Blake would leave and break her heart again (All That Matters), that was enough to forgive her. Or at least give her another chance.

Now in volume 6 they clearly have issues. Like, Blake is very nurturing to the entire team because she feels like she has to make up. But mostly, she is trying to make up to Yang. She still feels guilty because of Adam, and she knew that Yang had already abandonment issues before she left and she probably made them worse. She was just trying so hard to be there for Yang so she could understand that she would never leave her again that she made things awkward. Yang is used to be the one who takes care of people, not the other way around. She thought that Blake “protecting her” was her seeing her a weak when actually, it was just Blake just genuinely caring about her but with the wrong words. Blake understood after that, and she changed the phrasing in the fight against Adam. Protecting each other. Equals. It really applies to the Bees relationship as a whole. “You're taking care of me, yeah, but I'm going to take care of you as well, no matter what”. For once, Yang is allowing someone to take care of her (well, except Tai, but again, she wasn't completely sincere with him, so technically she wasn't really allowing him to fully help her). And that's what I love the most about their dynamic, and why I ship it.

PTSD

Now (I'm sorry I'm taking so long), I've seen many, many people saying that Yang's PTSD is poorly written, or that the writers messed it up in the fight against Adam. Now, I have to ask those people: what the fuck do you think PTSD is?

If a Great WriterTM reads this and tries to tell me I'm wrong, or that I don't know what I'm talking about and I don't know anything about good writing and blah blah blah: I have PTSD myself. Diagnosed. So yes, I acknowledge there are many things I'm ignorant about, but I'm quite familiar about this topic. Yang's PTSD is, at least by my point of view, very well-written. It isn't perfect, but it's still far so much better than most PTSD portrayals I've seen in TV, along with Korra's. And I've seen people saying that Korra's portrayal was so much better. Well, let me tell you, it isn't, or at least I don't think it is. It's just different, because the worst thing about PTSD (and what makes it harder to treat) is that it's different for every person; sometimes it can be really severe and obvious, sometimes it seems “light”. Damn, sometimes it doesn't appear until years after the event; mine didn't trigger til I was like sixteen, and the event took place when I was around five or six. And yes, sometimes I have nightmares or flashbacks about it if something triggers me, but it isn't the whole time like some of you apparently think it is. I'm not scared 100% of the time, what the fuck.

When it comes to the fight with Adam, saying it didn't affect her: did you watch the fight? First of all, at that precise moment, Yang was so full of adredaline and too busy keeping Adam from killing Blake that I don't think her brain even realised he was the cause of her PTSD. Second of all, when he triggers it, it does affect her; she starts shaking, he's able to land hits on her that he couldn't before. But PTSD is different in every person, and is a defense mechanism, not a freezing mechanism as some people think. If I see the cause of my PTSD in front of me trying to hurt me again, I'm not gonna freeze; I'm gonna do whatever it takes so they don't ever hurt me again. Same goes with Yang: some people think she should have completely freezed during the fight, like “oh my god this guy fucked me up really bad and now he's gonna do it again and there's nothing I can do oh my god”. No. As I said, PTSD doesn't work like that, at least not always. She's not thinking that, she's thinking “alright this guy really fucked me up once but there's no way I'm letting him do that again”. Again, PTSD is a defense mechanism. A fucked up one, but it's what it is. And the writers handled very well.

Yang being suspicious and not completely trusting someone.

Now, I'm not lying when I tell you that I have no idea about what this could mean. Well, it could be her disagreeing with Ruby and having a bad argument, and that would really break my heart because I just love those two sisters so much. It could also be about Ozpin; she's teaming up with Oscar and hearing Ozpin is back could bring some problems. Or maybe Raven just appears there and she's like Hell Naw. I have no idea.

Conclussion.

I love Yang. She's not perfect at all. She's a bit of a hypocrite with the whole Ozpin thing because she's keeping Raven's identity as the Spring Maiden a secret as well (or maybe she did tell them off-screen? Honestly clear that up already). But she's over all a really good friend and person, an amazing older sister and just one of the most inspiring characters in the show. I see part of myself in her, and I don't see that often in a character. I just love her.

Damn, sorry I wrote the Bible but my girl deserved that.

[popculturebuffet]

Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers Part 3: Storkules in Duckburg! aka THE INCREDIBLE STORKULES TERRIBLE BUT WELL MEANING ROOMATE OUT OF MYTH

Hello all you happy people! And welcome and welcome back to Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers, my look at the season 2 arcs of Ducktales! This arc was paid for by WeirdKev27 and I truly enjoy his support. if you want to know how to commission your own reviews or to get a guarnateed review of me of your choice from me a month, stick around to the end. I realized that shoving all my plugs in up top may be driving people away and while I DO make them because I want to make a living off this, i’ts not fair to those of you who simply can’t afford to buy a lot of extra shit like myself to keep shoving it in your face. 

Previously on the Louie Inc Arc, Louie, after believing he had no skills and it was a matter of when not if he ws going to die, found his talent: seeing all the angles and thus being Sharper than the Sharpies. With newfound confidence and a chip on his shoulder from Scrooge saying he could one day be a bigger success than Scrooge himself, founding Louie Inc as a result. But what is Louie Inc? Does he actually have a plan or a bunch of buzzwords. And what does STORKULES, MANLY GAY OUT OF MYTH have to do with any of this? Join me under the cut to find out. 

We open with Louie giving Scrooge his sales pitch that is essentially...

Naturally Scrooge buys none of it. I mean he’s somewhere in his hundreds, he’s probably seen about 80 thousand pitches that amount to “I have no plan but give me money anyway”. There’s a reason there’s a Butch Hartman shaped crater on the lawn from where he threw his ass out. 

Scrooge does mentor the lad, or at least attempt to pointing out he needs an actual product or service (Louie rejects the idea of a lemonade stand as too easy), or as he puts it “Find a problem and create a solution”. 

While the basic PRINCIPAL isn’t bad, find something people want or need and provide it, phrasing it that way sounds like “find a problem people are having and exploit the shit out of that problem for fun and profit.” Granted that IS a guiding principal of business, it’s just not something an uncle should be teaching his kids. They should be teaching them about the anime and cartoons they grew up with as I do with my niece and nibling. 

He does show him a valid example of this in action in the form of Donald. Turns out Donald has found a good way to make money while he looks for a job, can relate: since Duckburg is facing a housing shortage, likely because several square blocks probably get destroyed by Scrooge’s Adventures, Glomgold’s Schemes, Superhero Battles, whatever creation went horribly wrong for Gyro, etc at least once a week. So he’s taken it upon himself to offer up the spare room to whoever can rent it.. and to steal Scrooge’s chandelier which even when caught he still takes anyway. Scrooge.. you called the guy a god-damn moocher in the season premiere, despite the fact he lives there soley because YOU offered and because he’s you know, being responsible and staying by his boys so they have their father figure around. So yeah I feel he’s doing this partly out of spite as is the McDuck way. I mean if your going to call him a freeloader just for being a responsible parent, then he’s going to take it up a damn notch.

Scrooge proceeds to laugh off Louie wanting a million dollars and gives him a dime instead because of course he was. Seriously Louie there are two other billionaires in town who are FAR dumber and far more easily swindled. Just go get star up capital from them. Hell with Glomgold all you’d have to do is tell him it’d upset scrooge and he’d literally throw money at you. Or give you a shark full of money. He needs the shark back though. He’s family. 

Meanwhile Donald prepares for his new tenant and finds.. THE INCREDIBLE STORKULES! Who to his mounting horror as he realizes it, IS the new tenant. And who throws him into the sun. Cue credits. 

So after Donald somehow survives being thrown into the sun, Storkules explains why he’s here: Zeus responded to his son playing the lute a lot like any rational reasonable 

No of course he responded to the “crime” of “playing his instrument a lot” with sending a swarm of harpies on the town then blaming Storkules for it and casting him out. What’s most shocking is not the action, this is honestly him staying the course of being a fucking disgrace, but that Zeus somehow ISN’T the biggest asshole i’ve dealt with this week. No that honor is reserved as always for this bitch:

Keep in mind she manages to be this obnoxious in only TWO scenes. Also keep in mind I had to put up with Julie for a MUCH larger chunk of the previous two volumes I covered before volume 5 yesterday for my Scott Pilgrim Retrospective and she is ALWAYS like this and you now feel my pain. 

This does create a problem though: Zeus casts Storkules out until he’s a responsible adult.. and thus paints Storkules as the bad guy... in a situation where the only other person in the story sent a swarm of HARPIES down at him for simply playing his music too loud. It just dosen’t work as a catalyst: Storkules objectively did nothing wrong. The only person he annoyed was a person who clearly dosen’t love, respect or like his son in any way shape or form anyway and essentially assaulted him and a bunch of innocent people via harpie and then cast him out. Zeus is an abusive asshole and i’ts weird the narrative sides with HIM and not our well meaning doofus. Zeus being an asshole with harpies is not a bad catalyst for the episode, and the harpies being unleashed is used well.. it’s just not a good catalyst for THIS story to try and portray an abuser as in the right. And make no mistake Zeus is a domestic abuser: he had his son mind controlled to try and MURDER innocent people, something Storkules begged him not to do, sent a swarm of creatures after him for the crime of playing his music too loud and in his next episode manipulatives Storkules sad emotional state for personal gain. Why would you try and paint THIS jackass as in the right?

Speaking of painting this jackass in the right sadly.. this episode does not do my boy donald justice. In most episodes he’s pretty nuanced and i’ts fair enough he’d be frustrated by Storkules as a roomate. Storkules has little sense of personal space, breaks his stove thinking theirs hydra in it, makes a mess of the kitchen making them a meal, and in general clearly dosen’t know how to live with a roomate much less in modern society. He has valid concerns and the episode COULD have used it that way.. but he’s also horribly impatient with Storkules. He refuses to get the guy just hasn’t had to live in a modern society and dosen’t know HOW to function in it and instead of helping him just gets mad again and again and gets really pissed when it’s clear Storkules dosen’t have a job and didn’t consider paying rent. He’s not WRONG to want him to pay Rent, despite what ironically the musical Rent would try and have you believe, but he dosen’t have any patience with the guy. And stork isn’t nearly coming on as strong as he normally does. The worst he does is cook the guy lunch and bring his donald fan art with him. Which we don’t see but I am assuming is mostly naked. What i’m saying is for once that while still bombastic, Storkules isn’t trying to force a relationship/friendship on him and simply wants to learn t be an adult from his best friend.. and Donald isn’t bothering teaching him.

Asking for rent or for him not to destroy the stove is fine, but not explaining WHY he needs either of those things or why he needs boundaries, he makes a roomate list, isn’t helping the guy. And this would be fine... but the episode dosen’t call Donald out on it for no real reason. It feels like it’s setting up for a “you should learn to wokrk with someone instead of just screaming at them aseop” that never comes and like with Zeus takes his side because shutup. I’d also LIKE to say this is the only time the writers reduced one of the cast to a caracture of themselves.. but I can’t.  Several episodes in season 3 forgot Louie’s character development and another episode in season 2, The Duck Knight Returns!, somehow reduced both Scrooge and Dewey to parodies of themselves with Scrooge SOMEHOW, despite Della as stubborn as she is being in his care and by his side for decades and Movies bein ga huge business, not having seen a movie since the 1920′s and not knowing how they work and Dewey being reduced to just hyperactive moron. It isn’t as common as other shows like say Regular Show, The Loud House or, for the exact reason I lost intrest, Rick and Morty, but I still expect better, especially since they went into this season KNOWING Donald would be gone for half of it and this would likely be one of his only spotlight episodes. 

Back at the good part of the plot, Louie is having a company meeting aka already treating Huey and Webby like his employees. Webby of course is glad to sign on, if little help in actually coming up with a product while Huey just wants to nope out. And if your wondering why Dewey isn’t involved Louie outright says he’d make a bad employee and while Dewey rises from his bed to object.. he stops halfway to opening his mouth and concludes he has a point. Best gag of the episode. Louie being louie easily cons Huey into staying by making Webby his charts officer. 

So the three have a corporate retreat at Funso’s... granted they don’t have a product but Louie figures this might help. Huey.. still wants out of this and suggest since they already spent what they had on ski ball “Company over?”. It’s clear that Huey just sees this as another one of Louie’s short sighted schemes... and while he’s not ENITRELY wrong, Louie has genuine ambition.. he just has no earthly idea what he’s doing and is shooting way too high.. but for understandable reasons. 1) He’s 11 at this point. 11 year olds aren’t great at business strategy or reinging it in. 2) he wants to live up to what Scrooge said to prove he can be successful and really be worth something like his mom was. 

But sometimes fate throws you one and the harpies bust in. And while Louie wants to do nothing and hope they go away Huey and Webby spring into action.. as does Storkules, who had to leave but warns donald there’s Orzo in the slowcooker and to not open it “LEST THE PASTA FAIL TO ABSORB THE BROTH!” Which is just.... Chris’ best line dleivery the episode. He says it like he’s saying the title of an old Stan Lee and Jack Kirby comic, i’ts wonderful.

So our heroes defeat them and Louie steps in to charge for the service and quickly comes up with a company idea and name “Harp-B-Gone” (A Subsidary of Louie Inc). Louie hires Storkules on the spot. Storkules proudly tells Donald he has a job the next day and goes off to it. What follows is our heroes hilarously shooting a commerical with Storkules playing a baby to promote themselves so they can help who needs it. They just need to find out what they want.. and thanks to the JWG and the harpies stealing it find out they go after people’s most treasured posessions   Cue Ghostbusters-Style Montage

And this isn’t just me saying thing. The Rewriting History Entry (Which as a series weirdly stops around mid-season 2 and I don’t get why frank hasn’t gone back and finished it since) states they specifically based this whole operation on ghostbusters and the entire sequence of our heroes cleanin up the town reminds me of it. The highlight of it is a glomgold cameo where he’s kidnapped.. and refuses to pay so Louie just lets him go. And were this an innocent person who couldn’t afford it, i’d call him a monster.. but it’s glomgold. he brought this on himself.. and also sues himself for it. Wonder if he won. 

So with their stars rising, our heroes get booked on the hottest show in town: Dewey Dew-Night! I had honestly forgotten there was a Dewey Dew-Night segment in there, and delighted I get to talk about this recurring bit.  It’s one of the shows funniest runners and just perfectly FITS Dewey: of course the most egotistical and energetic of the kids would not only want to be a late hnight host but make up his own show. I also love the slow evolution of it: it started as something everyone clearly knew about but he stlill tried to keep hidden, slowly escalated to him allowing the rest of his siblings (Webby very much included) and the giant man who stalks his uncle in, and by later this season he’s putting the show online in the web shorts and gladly shooting it into space, with Season 3 having him spend the first half of let’s get dangerous making a documentary that includes an episode of the show featuring Darkwing. It’s a small thing sure, but it’s the little things like this that make the show special. 

The show does reveal a problem though as it turns out they’ve GOT all the harpies and while Storkules merely wanted to help, Louie points out they need more to keep a buisness going and naturally never bothered to ask Storkules just how many there were. They need SOME plan to get going. Webby submits a legitamte and great idea, training the harpies as she’s been trying to do in the background of the episode and aside from a hole in the floor they are starting to listen. But Huey is an ass about it and not only shoots it down saying let’s keep the dangerous creatures contained, even though A) he has no idea WHERE they’ve been kept so he can’t verify it’s safe, and since i’ts Donald’s Closet no no it’s not. and B)There’s no where he knows of to keep them. He isn’t aware of the other bin till next season. and C) it’s not ehtical to keep creatures locked up forever epsecially since while the harpies are dangerous they arent’ MALEVOLENT and are clearly acting on instinct. oh and for D) at least she has a plan to keep the company going instead of just wanting to end this and cash out. 

Which Huey tries to.. but naturally Louie spent all their money on...

So their broke.. and Storkules has no rent money and feels like a failure despite having done NOTHING wrong. We do get a clever little nod to Disney’s hercules though “I”m not a hero, i’m a zero”. Webby rightfully glares at Louie who decides to fix it... by sneaking into Donald’s house that night to free the harpies. 

Though to the shows credit it’s a VERY bad idea, and Storkules coming in mid attempt and congradulating Louie when he lies about checking the door gets the kid to come clean. And it’s a nice character moment: He could still go through with it.. but it’s clear he realizes just HOW low he was about to sink to save his own skin and that as much as Storkules WANTS a paycheck and deserves one, it’s not worth hurting people to get it. Louie tries to justify after this.. but can’t. 

Unforutnately Donald took a lot of stupid pills this episode, yells about his no pets rule and frees them instead of you know, THINKING for five minutes.

So yeah NATURALLY Donald is an angry shit about it , refusing to actually TALK to Storkules about this or maybe admit this is partly HIS OWN FAULT. Yes their both at fault, Storkules shoudln’t of shoved a bunch of harpies in a closet. That’s a classic blunder. But Donald still opened it and isn’t called out on taking zero responsibility. Huey sees the fracas and just takes down their days without an accident placard, good stuff and he and webby arrive to help. Donald fights with Storkules and Storkules worries about loosing his friend.. lead to them going after the thing he values most aka donlad and hyjacking the house boat, though the kids manage to get aboard. 

As Storkules saves Donald, Louie realizes the most precious thing he has is  his merch and willingly gives it, and his buisness up to save everyone. It’s good character stuff and shows that despite his problems with greed, Louie IS a good kid and will do the right thing. It’s what seperates him from the Rouges Gallery the family faces: He has FLEXIBLE morals but he has morals when it comes down to it. So everyone tosses the stoff to help direct the hapries and make it home tying them up. Donald has a heart to heart with Storkules and agrees to help him find another place, but still considers him a friend and they hug. Awww.  One intresting thing I DID find out from rewriting history is they originally fully intended to have Storkules STAY on the houseboat. He was going to be a permenant member of the household, at least as far as Season 2 was concenred and plans were made for several episodes down the road: the whole bit with him in “The Golden Spear” was simply because he lived there, he was going to be the one Della met in the houseboat, obliviously guilting her about what she’d missed, and he was going to set off the kids subplot in “Whatever Happened to Donald Duck?”

This ended up not happneing for logistical reasons: Frank, and I swear this was the term he used, felt they already had the perfect Himbo in Launchpad and it was just too much HImbo energy for the two to coexist without one taking the others screen time or neither getting a lot. 

The next reason was having a god around simply broke the story: He cited the gilded man from “Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!” as a specific example. There were just too many hoops to jump to have him not break any story he should be around for.  Finally with Della being added to the cast soon there simply wasn’t room in the main cast. Della brought it up to 9, Storkules would make it 10, and as i’ve gone on about the show already had trouble ballancing it’s cast, something Frank admitted to. Adding him would both be too big a stiatus quo change and be one on top of the massive one of Della joining the cast. So he was dropped back to recurring and only showed up one more time. And while it was the right call I am dismayed he didn’t show up for the whatever happened to donald duck subplot and it does feel very weird he never adresses Donald being gone despite, at least for season 2, apparently living in Duckburg. Otherwise though as funny as this wouldv’e been.. yeah it was the right call. 

Scrooge returns... having been absent all episode because otherwise it wouldn’t work and easily saw Louie loosing it all coming.. but gives him a can of lemonade for his troubles and comforts the boy. The heart of htis arc and what makes it work at it’s best.. is these two. Scrooge GENUINELY wants to help Louie see his potetial successor in buisness: oh sure adventure wise he’s throughly covered.. but Webby, Dewey and Della all are more focused on the addventure part and that’s where their passion and talent lies, Huey’s better at science and given his close frinedship with fenton and how much that part of things seems to truly inspire him, i’ts what he was born for, and Donald just wants a regualar life and can’t manage his own life much less a company. 

Louie is the only one in his family whose the right fit to inhereit that part of his legacy and I feel that’s why he takes a special intrest in him and webby over the other two: While he loves all of them and will clearly again leave a piece of his fortune and empire to all of them, Webby is the most like him, as we later find out not coincidentally in the slightest, when it comes to adventuring and curosity and a love of exploration. But Louie is the most like him in other ways; He’s cynical, money driven and passionate. Scrooge simply wants him to be as good a person and buisnessperson as he can be and is trying to push him in the right direction. And does so here by pointing out that failure isn’t a huge problem..it happens, comes with the terriotiry and as we’ve seen with life and times, even with portions of it clearly not happening in this universe, he failed a LOT to get here. What matters is that he tries and tries to do it the right way. 

Scrooge also sympathizes as he was buying a lemonade company in cape suzette, giving Louie the can as a present... but laments there’s no cheap effective way to deliver the lemons. Louie notices the harpies going after the can after he throws it and Webby controlling them with it and muses that theyd idn’t think about what THEY wanted.. nad rightfully gets punched across the lawn by Webby, whose had to spend an entire episode having her surrogate brothers talk down to her and ignore her valid ideas. She dosen’t even open her eyes she just bops him one.

So we end with Scrooge having enlisted the hapries, Louie trying to take credit again and both realizing they might just steal the lemons instead of work for them. Ha ha ha their going to get so sued. 

Final Thoughts: This one was mediocre. It has some good points, Louies arc continues to fascenate me, Huey’s done with this shit attitude is hilarous, and Storkules is at his best in this episode: his crush on Donald is toned down from this..

To this

To the point I could see shipping them off this one if Storkules episode didn’t have him do eveyrthing short of .. well see above.  So it’s not WITHOUT merit: I love me a ghost busters style plot, there are great jokes and Chris Dimatopolis is a gem as always. Glad he’s getting work after this show on Invincible and hope he gets to play Darkwing again some day. But the Donald stuff and the fairly predictable plot drag this one down. I’ts fairly obvious they’ll run out of harpies, Louie will have spent the money and they’ll somehow get free. It’s not a terrible episode but it’s it’s sandwiched story wise between two straight up classics on both sides: the previous two episodes were even better than I remembered and the next two are incredibly good: Whateve Happened to Della Duck?! is one of their finest hours and The Outlaw Scrooge McDuck, while not making my best of list for the series as a whole is still one of my favorites for the season.  It’s just disapointing this one wasn’t nearly as good as I remmebered and it’s understandable why I forgot almost all of it, unlike the previous two episodes. Thankfully as I said better’s over the horizon.

NEXT TIME ON OF MOONS, MILLIONARES AND MOTHERS: I’m taking a break for a week. One of two weeklong breaks for the arc, the other being the first week of July where i’m on vacation anyway (Though i’ll be doing the episode I would’ve done for that week the week before to keep the pace up, so no worries),

 As for why, it’s my utmost honor to announce GOOF WEEK! Goof Week is a weeklong celebration of Goofy’s birthday. The idea came about because as I do for the big three, I intended to just do a shorts special. But Kev , the guy who made this very review possible, suggested doing the two part Goof Troop pilot. And since kev pays for a house of mouth episode a month anyway and thaks to you lovely people I hit my patreon stretch goal to review the goofy movie, I figured “why not make a week out of it. Hence Goof week. So next week we’ll have a review of the two part pilot for Goof Troop, the special Sports Goof, the House of Mouse episode Super Goof, your regularly schedule shorts spectacular, with The Goofy Movie for the grand finale! yaaahoooooieeee! 

When we come back i’ll be shuffling episodes around slightly so I can do the Della comics from the Ducktales Tie-In Comic before her debut and in time for Donald’s own theme week in June, i’ll be saving “Whatever Happened to Della Duck?” for the week after Donald Week. Instead next we get a fun wild west adventure as Scrooge tells a story of his outlaw days, his tension with goldie and his encounter with a certain robber baron as John D Rockerduck FINALLY makes his screen debut. Yee-Haw!

If you liked this review, subscribe and follow for more and consider joining my patroen, patreon.com/popculturebuffet. I have exclusive reviews, my most recent duck based one being an obscure carl barks story about wigs and the boys attempting to murder a guy with a blow gun, and your contribution helps me reach my goals and thus gets everyone, patreon or not, a bunch of neat new reviews. If you get me to 20 dollars a month, i’m currently at 15, EVERYONE will get a monthly darkwing duck reviews, reviews of the two remaning ducktales 87 mini series including the origin of GIZMOOOODDUUUUUCCCKKKK, and a review of the Danny Phantom movie The Ultimate Enemy. And with the month running out NOW’S the time to join. YOu’ll also get to pick one of the shorts for my Donald Duck birthday specail next month, so if you want to join in NOWS the time. But wether you can or you can’t, thank you for reading, i’ts been a pleasure. 

[devilsskettle]

okay i want to shut up about fear street more than anyone else wants me to shut up about fear street but i just thought of another reason why it drives me up the wall thinking about how underutilized and underwritten ziggy is in the 1994 part of the plot line: in a movie series where one of the main themes is cyclical forms of violence and trauma, where there’s a focus on characters resolving the conflicts of their narrative parallels from the past, even if the writers didn’t expect the audience to identify with/care about ziggy as an adult, she is a representation for our protagonists of their potential futures.

for sam, this is pretty clear, since it’s the narrative reason why they go to her in the first place (seeing the witch and temporarily dying, she represents the hope that there’s a way to break the curse).

for josh, she is a perfect parallel to the stakes for him of trying to save sam - losing his older sister as she sacrifices herself to try to save the people she loves. i was actually surprised that these characters didn’t sympathize and identify with each other more, like in the mall scene when josh is like “too many people have died i’m not going to let them take my sister too!” and ziggy and martin just stand there like. okay i guess. that was such a weird writing choice to me lol i was like why wasn’t that a moment for ziggy to identify with him as someone who lost a sister like this. make it make sense. (also i’ve seen some people say that in interviews, it’s been said that cindy and alice are meant to parallel the relationship between sam and deena, so i think that would situate ziggy and josh as playing comparable roles in each plot line as well).

for deena, i think she’s the most apt reflection of her potential future out of all three main characters. first of all, they’re the most similar in terms of personality: cynical social outcasts convinced the world is fucked who actually care a lot more than they let on. and again, she is living the consequences of what the stakes are of trying to break this curse. the main risk for deena isn’t that she might die, it’s that everyone she cares about will die and she’ll be trapped alone in a town she hates, just like ziggy. 

this would also mean that adult ziggy would play a similar role to the kids in 1994 as nurse lane did for her in 1978. like. god. do you ever think about how nurse lane was the one person who was nice to her and cared about her, and ziggy was the only person who noticed that something was wrong and she was the only one who didn’t write her off as crazy and violent like her daughter when she attacked tommy and instead actually sympathized with her, but no one believed nurse lane, and then no one believed ziggy about what really happened during the camp nightwing massacre, and how they both had to live not only with the loss of their loved ones but also the doubt and mockery of everyone in town who thought they were just crazy. anyway. ziggy similarly is the only adult in town (other than, eventually, martin) who believes and is willing to help the kids in 1994 at the expense of her own safety, just like nurse lane tried her best to protect the kids at camp at the expense of her own reputation (and if she had succeeded in killing tommy before he became the nightwing killer, she would probably have spent the rest of her life in jail or a mental institution, which she had to have known - so she also was willing to sacrifice her freedom, and as ziggy puts it, ruin her own life. god i am sad about this)

oh and also the motivation of ziggy to help these kids in the first place (we assume) comes from a place of self identification with them and trying to save them in the same way she wishes she could’ve saved her younger self and her sister. so like. i want to see that play out in part 3 if that’s the intended interpretation 

so going back to the focus on resolving the conflicts of their narrative parallels from the past, the kids do this for ziggy, cindy, and alice as much as they do it for sarah fire and hannah miller. sam does this…. just by surviving lol, josh does this by not only believing in the curse but also unrelentingly telling others the truth about it (and miss queenofairanddarkness actually seems to believe him), and deena does this by breaking the damn curse and (presumably) becoming less cynical and self-defeatist in her world perspective. and ziggy does this for nurse lane, effectively warning the kids about the dangers of the curse and helping them fight it, where nurse lane was unable to stop the events of camp nightwing, and (as we see at the end) giving her closure about the death of her daughter. she also, i think, plays the same kind of parallel role to sarah fier as deena does in different ways, both as a social outcast who is scapegoated for other people’s wrongdoings as well as her relationship with nick reflecting the relationship between sarah and solomon. like deena and sam, she also is connected by sarah by bleeding on her bones and seeing (some of) the truth about the curse 

anyway. all this is to say that these movies had the potential to do this effectively, and i’m not even saying that they should’ve set aside a huge amount of time from the plot to explore this concept, but there’s small, easy changes and additions that i think could’ve been made that wouldn’t ultimately change anything about the movies but would’ve made such an impact on the overall quality of the writing. first of all, there’s this big time jump from ziggy’s story to the 1994 “present” which is fine and expected and i wouldn’t expect them to try to include a whole lot about what her life is like in between, but we don’t know anything about her present day life, except that she has a dog and a lot of clocks and that she might be an alcoholic. we don’t even know what her job is. we have no idea what she’s been doing for 16 years. it takes maybe two extra minutes at the beginning of her introduction in part 2 to show a little bit more of her daily life, or a line or two to give us an idea of what that might look like. for character development/relationship building purposes, she needs to actually have a conversation with other people lol. she shares how much silent screen time with martin in part 3? another criminally underutilized character but don’t even get me started.

even in the 1978 plot line, her character is established almost entirely by tell-not-show; everyone is like oh she’s trouble! she’s a creep she’s a weirdo! but we see very little of her actually getting up to trouble or doing anything out of the norm (all of the characters in 1978 suffer from this writing problem, to be fair). then in the 1994 part of part 3, the way that they show her reactions to what’s happening is through flashback to her in 1978, and first of all it’s like. we just saw that we know what happened. second, it’s lazy writing! we see nothing new from her basically the entire movie. (i’m specifically thinking about the part where she learns that nick is behind the curse - cut to a series of flashbacks - moving on with the plot. then at the mall, when she sees the tree - cut to a flashback of the camp nightwing - deena comes up to her: “this is it.” “yup.” and she walks away and leaves deena to her own flashback to her sarah fier vision. and that’s the full extent of either of their emotional reactions to that moment. missed opportunity imo. and sure, maybe that’s the character - she’s not a people person lol - but you can write characters who are closed off and blunt while still being interesting and emotionally compelling and not basically stock characters. 1978 ziggy and deena are actually both examples of this so i’m mainly disappointed because i know they could’ve done better lol) 

anyway. i’m not saying they needed to derail the main plot to make ziggy the main character or anything, i’m just saying that with better pacing and attention to her as a character, i think these movies could’ve had the depth and emotional resonance they were aiming for and in fact it would strengthen the themes that are central to the main plot and the protagonists without having to change anything major, making a small shift that could’ve made these movies go from mediocre and forgettable to actually pretty damn good. anyway netflix call me i have ideas for you <3

[sombreboy]

Wedding night⇢kth x jjk

⇢18+ ⇢pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ⇢genre: Smut, fluff, mxm ⇢word count: 12.7k ⇢warnings: profanity which is mostly Tae cursing like a sailor, dirtytalk, drinking, dom!kth, sub!jjk, koo sucks tae off in a taxi lmao, slight cockwarming in koo's little throat?, more oral cuz Koo is cockhungry as hell, DADDY KINK, Tae eats Koo's ass like a fuckin champ, light choking ig but its with luv, anal (as always, this is fictional, use lube- koo loves when tae destroys his ass)

A/N: Serves as an ‘after story’ within the Love Maze series AU, however can also be read on it’s own.

“Damn, Tae.” Hoseok whistled, messing with the younger’s formal, silk bow tie whilst Taehyung examined his reflection through the mirror; set out to dismiss his hyung’s side comments, no matter how uplifting.

He was nervous— as he was expected to be. It was Taehyung’s wedding day, and although he’d been dying of excitement days prior, now that he stood in his assigned dressing room; his heart was racing . Of course he was thrilled to be marrying Jungkook--he wouldn’t have proposed to the man if he wasn’t 100% sure. But.. still . It was an important milestone in their life--Taehyung wanted it to be perfect.

“Jungkook’s jaw is going to hit the floor!” Jin’s elated voice joined in from his spot on the couch, where he sipped on a martini; legs crossed as if he was relaxing by the beach, living his best life.

“I can just imagine the look on his face.” Namjoon playfully squeezed Tae’s tense shoulders, grinning at the anxious man through the full-length mirror. Taehyung simply shrugged him off, grimacing as if Joon’s touch stung. “Hyungs.. can you be quiet? I’m trying to think.”

Namjoon stepped away from Tae, hands raised in surrender. “Sorry, sorry. I just can’t believe it— that you guys are getting married, that is.”

At that, an awkward smile tugged at Taehyung’s lips. He couldn’t believe it either; it felt like a dream. Tae didn’t regret getting down on one knee at all, he wanted Jungkook for the rest of his life. Some might think they’d been taking it too fast— or are in a hurry to secure their future; but this was what felt right to the both of them. They’d been dating for five years now, making Taehyung twenty-three; a young adult whose life was only beginning— supposedly. But that was the furthest thing from the truth. No matter how cheesy it sounded, Tae’s life began when he met Kook, his husband-to-be. He wanted to be married to the guy, to be able to call him his husband. They’d even started looking into adoption agencies, knowing the process could take up to a year’s time. Fuck what people thought of their decisions, they were theirs to assume the consequences of.

“Shit, I just hope it all goes well..”

“It will, Tae. This day will go down in the book of your lives.” Namjoon reassured.

Jin snickered, hiccuping, “You’re so poetic, Joon. Trust me, this day is going to slap.”

Meanwhile in Jungkook’s dressing room..

“You nervous? Need a cig?” One of Jungkook’s coworkers, Jia, offered; already pulling out a pack of cigarettes from her purse.

“Uhm.. I don’t think that’s a good idea..” Jisoo frowned, eyeing the other woman with uncertainty. “Just take deep breaths if you’re nervous, Jungkookie.”

“Ooor you could just smoke one.”

“For the last time—“

“You girls are so different, oh my fucking god.” Yoongi nonchalantly grumbled, arms crossed over his chest. Jia rolled her eyes, tucking the cigarettes back to where she found them.

“You guys are being annoying,” Jimin sighed, setting aside his beer before waltzing closer to Jungkook, studying the younger’s appearance with a pleased look on his face.

“Tae’s going to love you. You look good!”

''No smoking, I'm literally about to kiss Taehyung in front of everyone.'' Jungkook murmured, eyes hyper fixated on himself in the mirror. Honestly, a cigarette, or ten would be exactly what he needed right about fucking now. He was so nervous, his breathing was shallow-- his hands trembling. He took a good look at himself... He's always looked the same in his own eyes, ever unchanging. But today was different. Jungkook was different. Suddenly, he could see all the changes he's made since high school-- all the changes he'd been through with, and without Taehyung. The ever growing muscles finally at their peak, the suit flattering to his shape from his widened shoulders to his slim waist. His tattoos snaking out of the sleeve to his hands and by his neck. And his always way-too-long hair that he refuses to keep too short only because Taehyung had once said 'I like it long.'.. Now, that must've been years ago, but it stuck with the younger.

"I really look good?" Jungkook glanced at his friends through the mirror.

“Yes!” They all answered in unison— “Decent.”

“Yoongi, shush!” Jisoo playfully pushed the newly-dyed blonde’s shoulder, assuring Jungkook of how handsome he looked.

“Kidding, kid. You look okay.” Yoongi shrugged, successfully dodging Jimin’s incoming slap to his chest.

“Don’t pretend like I didn’t catch you trying to hold back your tears moments before, Min.” Jia smirked, crossing her tattooed arms over her chest; smile widening at the man’s taken-aback reaction.

“Wasn’t crying. You don’t even know me, anyways.” Yoongi huffed, now more hyper aware of his feelings, hence he snapped his head in the opposite direction of his peers.

“Never said you were crying, now did I?”

“Yo, both of you, stop bickering. If you didn’t hate each other so much, I’d think you’re secretly in love with one another.” Jimin didn’t bother looking at the pair, instead focusing his attention on the man of the night— well, one of the men. He was extremely happy for them; they deserved their happy ending after all the shit they went through. And it was a lot..

“You look hot, spicy.” Knowing it’d tickle Kook’s amusement, Jimin giggled whilst he verbally teased him, hoping to ease his mind even for a bit.

“Damn, Yoongi’s crying might rub off on me.”

“I wasn’t crying for fucks sake!”

~

Taehyung was left alone for some time; left to gather his thoughts once the suit was properly fitted, black hair slicked back— a couple strands falling down to his eyes. Still, he felt far from put together.. Reaching for his phone, Tae tapped on Jungkook’s profile, thumbs moving before he could think of the right words to say.

To: Kook Hey ;)) I know it’s bad luck or whatever to see each other before the ceremony, so I settled for texting I’m a little nervous, I’ve had to pee like 10 times now But fuck I’m so eager to make you my husband, bet you look gorgeous as always

Jungkooks scrunched smile and giggle grew, his friends surely knew how to hype him up; even though the nervosity was at its peak. "Thanks guys." He reached for his phone on the table as soon as it chimed, tucking his fringe behind his ear as he tapped the message. It didn't matter how long the men had been together, Tae always put a dumb grin on Kooks face with his interesting mashup of rambles and emojis. He quickly tapped back on the screen, he'd become a pretty good texter these days compared to his younger days.

To: TaeTae I'm also nervous T_T the girls (and Jimin) have been hyping me up for the past twenty minutes...I almost considered smoking a pack but I wanted to taste good lol. x) And I'm pretty sure Yoongi cried! feel so awkward in a suit, but they say I look, and I quote, "spicy" :ooo Can't wait to see you though, I can't imagine how fucking pretty you'll look in a suit.. I'll see you soon ^^ <3

Jungkook cringed, this might be the longest text he's ever sent in his entire life. But it was fun, and hopefully it would help ease the elders' nerves.

"Alright, it's time!" Jimin clapped his hands. "We will head to the audience, you got this Kook!"

Fuck, it was actually happening. They were getting married.

Taehyung comfortably sank back in his spot on the couch, chuckling at Jungkook’s use of emojis; it was fuckin’ cute. His boy was a dork, another reason Tae wanted to marry him.. The younger’s plan unknowingly worked, Taehyung felt more at peace as he typed back his reply; fingers moving quickly as he knew it was almost time to go. Now that he thought about it.. it was a waste, considering Kook probably wouldn’t see it until after the ceremony, but it did calm him down, so Tae said to hell with it.

To: Kook You always taste good tho..love everything you have to offer, you know I’m not picky And fuuuuckkk I bet you’re rocking the suit rn baby, don’t feel awkward

“Tae! Hurry.” Hoseok’s head peeked in from the other side, urging him to wrap it up— whatever had him grinning from ear to ear. Throwing his phone to the side, Taehyung looked at his reflection one last time, messing with Namjoon’s work on his tie. When jogging out of the room, Tae cursed to himself— his speech!  “Shit, never mind.” The elder was so stressed out that he hadn’t noticed the slip of paper was tightly held in his hand; it was nerve-wracking. Taehyung was the one supposed to wait at the altar; after having been decided by a silly game of ‘rock, paper, scissors’. The one thing they took their utmost time deciding on was the name, however.

Jeon. Taehyung wanted to take Jungkook’s surname. Something about wanting a fresh, fresh start. His boyfriend was his everything, and his father was nothing compared to Kook. Tae felt as if change was needed, and what better way than to refer to himself as a Jeon? It drew butterflies in his stomach..

“Fuck— sorry, I’m here now.” The elder harshly whispered to the marriage officiant, nearly tripping over a random cord on the way. Of course. Fuck, his mouth was dry. Taehyung’s chest felt heavy with excitement, squeezing tightly onto the piece of paper that had his vows written inside; just waiting to be heard by Jungkook— and everyone else, but those words were meant for the younger, truly. Shit, Tae just wanted to see him..

~

Jungkook was trembling behind the closed doors, continuously having to be stopped by Jisoo from running his hand through his hair.

"Don't mess your hair up, kookie. We spent hours on taming it!" She chuckled quietly, fixing the tie on his neck. He was a nervous wreck, his anxiety causing his stomach to do somersaults. He wants to throw up.

"I've never been this nervous in my life." Kook bounced on the ball of his foot, taking deep breaths. He was gonna get through this. He wanted this. He just wanted to see Taehyung.

"Shh, it's time. Go get that husband, Kookie!" Jisoo patted his back, grabbing the basket of flowers that she'd share with her daughter, Yuna. She was 5 years old now, and having them as the flower girls was nothing but an obvious choice. The doors slowly opened, music playing and everyone on their seats stood up, turning to look at Jungkook. It was a mix of eyes, all showing their own version of joy, whether it be with tears in their eyes or a large smile. But the only face Jungkook could see was the one staring back at him from the altar.

"Fuck..." Jungkook whispered under his breath, his feet finally moving on their own, eyes tunnel visioned on Taehyung. His heart didn't calm down, instead raced even faster, pounding heavily in his chest. But it wasn't out of nervosity, but of excitement.

“Oh, wow..” Taehyung was whipped— in awe, too. Jungkook mirrored a literal angel sent from above, and the elder couldn’t seem to look away; not for one second. The younger one looked stunning.. “Gorgeous..” Tae’s teeth clamped down on his lower lip, preventing it from trembling due to the emotions that’d taken over his body in the form of shivers. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry..

Taehyung couldn’t believe it, they were only moments away from— “Uncle Tae! I have no more flowers..!” A fit of muffled laughter erupted from the small crowd, causing a flustered Jisoo to attempt to quiet down her daughter, murmuring shh’s.

“But mama I need more flowers!” Taehyung laughed, mouthing to Jisoo that all was well; Yuna was too cute. Tae loved the little girl to pieces. Once she was done throwing her mini tantrum— thanks to Namjoon, who quickly swept Yuna off her little feet; Tae’s big grin gradually died down now that Jungkook’s figure had gotten closer. Instead, he licked over his lips, feeling the warm tears resurface once again.

“Hurry up, I wanna hold your hands..” The needy whisper came out weaker than Taehyung had intended, voice breaking whilst he made grabby-hands towards Jungkook, wanting nothing more than to stand before the love of his life. When both men finally faced one another, the elder had the strong urge to kiss him; but he held back. The time hadn’t come yet..

“Wow.. you look so pretty, baby,” is what he settled for, nervously toying with Kook’s fingers, glassy eyes shrinking the more his smile widened.

Jungkook chewed the inside of his cheek, the only invisible release of his anxious state that he could do at the moment. Taehyung looked fucking otherwordly, it blew his mind that this man... was his. Forever.

''You too.... So handsome.'' He whispered back, doe eyes sparkling from the lights around them, enhanced by the layer of tears glazing over his dark irises.  Don't cry, don't cry, don't fucking-- well, fuck, he's crying. Jungkook was always a crybaby. ''Shit...'' Kook didn't even register the warmth trickling down his cheeks until now, blinking rapidly as he looked at the ceiling to prevent the stinging in his eyes. His tattooed hands immediately intertwined with Taehyung's, squeezing to ensure that this was indeed their reality. And so, they were both reminded of this reality as the officiant's voice echoed in the venue.

"Welcome family, friends and loved ones. We are gathered today to celebrate the union of,'' The officiant paused to look at the younger. ''Jeon Jungkook and,'' And over at the elder. ''Kim Taehyung."

Jungkook's breath hitched, squeezing his husband to be's hands tighter.

"Your marriage will be a lifelong promise to love, respect, trust and honor each other through the good, the bad and the unexpected. This union represents your commitment to support one another as individual beings but share your joys, sorrows, and dreams as one." The speech continued, the officiant rambled about marriage, about love, about everything-- and Jungkook couldn't do anything but silently admire Taehyung, just as the elder did back. Their expression said it all, it always did. Ever since they were younger, the look in their eyes never changed as they found each other's gaze.

''Jeon Jungkook, do you take Kim Taehyung to be your husband?''

Jungkook swallowed tightly, it felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest at any given moment. The way he fucking loved this man was unheard of.

"I do." His voice was clear, and for that he was thankful-- even if his cheeks were damp with tears.

The officiant turned to look at the elder.

"Kim Taehyung, do you take Jeon Jungkook to be your husband?"

Taehyung didn’t need another second to think it through; he’s had five years to make up his mind—“Fuck, o-of course! I mean, I do.” He squeezed the younger’s trembling hands, twiddling with the delicate piece of metal hugging Kook's ring finger; grinning freely past the layer of tears that washed over his chocolate eyes.

“Forasmuch as Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook have consented together in holy matrimony, and have pledged their love and loyalty to each other, and have declared the same by the joining and the giving of rings, by the power vested in me, and as witnessed by friends and family, I now pronounce you married. You may kiss the groom.” The series of claps and exceptionally loud cheers (drunk Jin) from their friends barely reached Taehyung’s ears. The elder practically threw himself in Jungkook’s arms, tightly wrapping his own around the younger’s neck as Tae kissed the hell out of him, taking his sweet time with his husband. Fuck.. felt disorienting— yet extremely fitting to think that; to be able to refer to Jungkook as his husband.

“I love you so much.” Taehyung’s faint whisper only reached four ears, his and Kook’s. Their friends lingered in the beautifully lit background, cooing; some snapping hundreds of pictures (once again, drunk Jin) of the pair. “And yeah, they were right. You do look spicy..” The elder discreetly raised a brow, having yet to part ways from Jungkook’s warmth. “But tonight, you’ll look even better naked.” The elder’s hands tauntingly slid down to Kook’s waist, where he gripped at his soft edges. Taehyung’s dim smirk diminished into yet another kiss, this time needier..

“Uh, guys? You gonna stop kissing now..?” Hoseok gave them a verbal poke, “We’re still here, you know.”

Jia cheerfully butted in, “Let’s get this party started, I wanna get wasted.”

Jungkook wiped his dry tears off his cheeks when theiy kiss is broken, wide smile mixed with his flustered blush. Tae always managed to sneak in the comments that'd make his insides stir from the mere anticipation of what's to come. Their wedding night. Somehow, that thought made it even more special. And even if they've done practically everything together, Koo was feeling a bit nervous... He wanted it to be even more special. He was thankful for the fact that a bit of liquid courage would surely help with his nerves. Honestly, tipsy sex later on didn't sound that bad...

"Don't say such things yet, or I won't be able to wait until tonight.." Jungkook whispered back, burying his face in Tae's neck momentarily until his blush would subside.

Photos were taken, from Tae popping the champagne bottle for their first drink together as a married couple, arms hooked and cheesy for the cameras, Jungkook cutting their cake and feeding it to Taehyung, with all hyungs in the back cheering like dumbasses, to Yuna smearing cream on Jungkook's nose as he held her. It was the perfect gathering for everyone that loved them, and for the ones they loved. The venue had moved into the party event of the night, Kook's suit jacket came off to only wear the pants and white dress shirt underneath, sleeves rolled up to his biceps, hair slightly messy but still put together. Drinks now in hand, hyungs, friends and the married couple exchanged laughs, memories and embarrassing stories.

''Remember when Taehyungie aaalways would give Jungkookie the marshmallows during breakfast? Ah, so wholesome. And here they are, fucking maaarrried!" Jin laughed, raising his glass for another drink.

''And when they disappeared during that party...'' Yoongi added quietly, his cheeks red from the alcohol. ''Then they came back from upstairs looking all newly fucked.''

Namjoon choked on his drink at the memory, remembering literally finding them naked in the room. But, that was something he'd take to the grave, however giving the couple a look of 'if they only knew.'

Jungkook blushed, tilting his head back to gulp down one of his drinks. ''My favorite is... McDonalds.'' he scrunched his nose at the memory, glancing over at Tae. ''Remember?''

Taehyung sat his half-empty glass of wine down. The slender fingers that once wrapped around its crystal base were now on Jungkook’s thigh, caressing over the smoother fabric of the younger’s dress pants— a different feel compared to Kook’s usual, rugged style. “How could I forget..” Tae chuckled, “That’s the place where you asked me out.”

“I knew it!” Jin’s loud voice startled little Yuna, who was busy stuffing her face with a slice of cake whilst the rest of the adults conversed about different topics that didn’t intrigue her five-year-old mind. Immediately, she hid her face in Namjoon’s chest, small fists clinging onto her father’s suit. “Remember that day in the lunchroom? When both of you were being total assholes and wouldn’t tell us who asked who out? I was right.”

Hoseok’s eyes lit up, as if the memories had just registered in his brain— “I remember! Always thought it was Tae, though.”

Taehyung’s cheeky grin evolved into a laugh, comfortably leaning his body against his husband’s, “Nope. It was him, it was right after the party, too. I remember it clearly— my ass was so sore, and the stars were really pretty.. also, the milkshakes. At that moment, he just.. asked if I wanted to be his boyfriend, so I said yes.”

Jimin’s plushy lips jutted outwards into a soft pout, cooing.

“I didn’t know you back then, but that does sound cute as hell.” Jia looked over at Yoongi, seeing as he was already looking back at her. The sensual tension between those two was pungent, anyone could tell. “This man right here cried fat tears during your vows.” Yoongi’s fond expression shifted into a frown, huffing as he poured himself another drink.

“Not true, Jia. You sure love to over-exaggerate things, don’t you?”

Yoongi definitely cried. Everyone knew.

“Whatever, I’m gonna go... to the bathroom, drank too much..” The last bit was mumbled. With a quick look towards Jia’s direction, Yoongi raised his brows— she got the hint.

“Gonna go check my dress, shit’s too tight.”

And just like that, both disappeared from the table.

Hoseok snickered, “Remind you of some people?” Taehyung smirked, bumping shoulders with Kook.

“They’re definitely hooking up. Yoongi had a tent under those pants.”

“Daddy? What’s ‘hooking up’?” It was Jisoo’s turn to glare at the man at her side, “Jin!”

"That's uhhhh..... oh look Yuna, cake!" Namjoon averted the distraction with sugary sweets, which seemed to work by the way the little child suddenly forgot about any mention of 'hookups', his dimpled smile directed to Jisoo. Jungkook leaned onto Taehyung, his fond eyes travelling across the group. The fact they all managed to still be friends was a blessing. The night went on, everyone getting more intoxicated, Yoongi and Jina still gone-- probably left to continue somewhere else.. and Jisoo and Namjoon ended up leaving because little Yuna had a bedtime to attend. The rest of the group stayed around until late hours, cheering and drinking on to celebrate the newlyweds. But all nights come to an end, everyone standing outside the building to bid their farewell.

"Time for you guys to consummate the marriage huhhhh?" Jin winked, one arm clinging onto Hoseok's shoulder to keep him up straight.

"Itll be like any other night." Hoseok snickered, hissing when Jimin kicked his shin.

"Congrats on the marriage, guys." Jimin cheered, blowing kisses in the air to the sweet couple. "I'm very happy for you guys. Ahh.. I want to marry someday too."

"Maybe Mino will marry you." Jungkook giggled, his cheeks red from the alcohol heating him up, clinging onto Taehyung's arm like a child. He surely was bigger, but in a moment like this he seemed just so small and endearing. "See you guys later."

The couple waited for their cab, as neither were in a condition to drive, anxious to get home to their first night as Mr. And Mr. Jeon.

“Someone’s had a bit too many drinks..” Taehyung drunkenly chuckled, wrapping one arm around Jungkook’s loose shoulders to pull him in closer, out stretching his neck; in the lookout for their expected cab. Once the car finally pulled up, Tae slumped down on the backseat, throwing his head back with a tired groan. It’s been a long, exciting day; almost all of the elder’s energy was spent entertaining their guests. “Fuck, ‘m tired, husband..” Like a kid, Taehyung turned his head to gaze into the younger’s eyes, cheeky grin tugging at his lips. “Dunno if I’m gonna be able to fuck you dumb tonight.” Oh, Tae definitely could. Now that he was in a hazier mindset, messing with Jungkook seemed that much more amusing.. The elder might‘ve been tired; but he never got tired of Kook’s body, and tonight was no exception. “Shit, I was really gonna take my time with you and everything.. I was gonna make love to you, hard.” He forced out a defeated sigh, diverting his attention to the various lights outside.

Jungkook turned to look at Taehyung with his wide doe eyes, hands fiddling in his lap. He pouted. "But Taeeee...." he leaned in closer, hand reaching to tug at his husband's collar for attention. He really turned into such a baby when he drank with Taehyung. And maybe, just maybe it also had to do with the fact that they were horny newlyweds, he's been teased all day. "Tired? noo.. babe, we can wake you up. I'll wake youu uuup!"

“God, you’re so fucking cute..” Taehyung scooted closer to his tipsy husband, Tae’s distant laughter now coming across as raspier than before; the slight vibrations in his broad shoulders brushing against the side of Jungkook’s arm. “You’ll wake me up, huh..” Something else was already aroused awake, and the elder couldn’t bare to keep it a secret from Kook for much longer.. “I have an idea— of how you can wake me up, that is.” Taehyung pressed a small kiss onto the younger’s cheek, alert eyes trained upfront. “Wanna know what it is? Shit, why am I even asking, of course you do..” He pulled away from Jungkook’s ear, drunken-breath clashing against the latter’s clammy skin. “Get a feel, baby.” Tae cautiously led the younger’s hand to his bulge, ragged breath hitching in his throat. He was extra sensitive, and it was hard to not make much noise.. The driver would start to get suspicious. “Ah shit.. move your hand.” With a quick peek upfront, Taehyung undid his zipper, man-spreading for Jungkook. Luckily the back was dark enough, but there was always a chance of them getting caught..

Jungkook's eyes sparkled in the dark, biting down on his lower lip to prevent the needy whimper that threatened to escape his throat. He probably wouldn't admit it so openly, but there was something about the risk of getting caught that turned him on even more than if it would've been a simple wait for them to get home. Taehyung surely knew that though. Kook was his little exhibitionist. And the latter was ever grateful that the elder indulged in his deviant desires. "Can't believe I get to call you my husband." Jungkook whispered, voice more steady this time around. One hand still palming Tae’s bulge over his pants, his other hand snaked underneath the waistband for a direct contact, sighing out a shaky breath at the silky, soft yet hard length that throbbed in his hand. Kook has seen, tasted and touched Taehyung's cock what felt like a million times before, but there was no way he could ever get enough of it. Slowly, he stroked Taehyung's rigid length with lazy movements, relishing in the response he drew out from his husband in the form of twitchy hips, the struggle to remain silent.

“Fuck..” Taehyung’s tongue swiped over his lips, temporarily wetting the dry patches. He harshly tugged at his lower lip with his teeth, and the corner of his mouth twitched once as he held back a deep, thick growl. “My fuckin’ husband; you like this, don’t you? My sneaky baby.. jerking me off in the backseat of a stranger’s car. Dirty little thing.” The elder gently rocked his hips into Kook’s hand, looking down at the way the front of his pants would bulge outwards with every stroke. “So fucking good. You imagining it’s your ass wrapping around me, baby boy? Hm? Fuckin’ bet you wanna jump my bones; you wanna feel this big cock inside of you— fuuck..” Taehyung threw his head back, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Mmhm... shit, when you talk like that..." Jungkook rubbed his thighs together, uncomfortably adjusting his erection. "Drives me mad. My little ass is throbbing, clenching just thinking about your fat cock filling it up." Koo whispered into the elders ear, squeezing Taes turgid length a little harder, his hand getting more and more slick with every stroke, focusing his attention on the swollen mushroom tip than the rest of it, rubbing his thumb underneath the crease of the head. "I love you. Do you feel a bit more awake now?" He breathed out coyly, nuzzling his nose into Taehyung's neck. For one it could look like an innocent cuddle, little drunk koo just seeking leverage. But the innocence was nowhere to be found in either of the boys.

Taehyung’s nails sank deep into the fabric of his pants, feeling the strong muscles under his thigh shift into a clenched position. The way Jungkook’s thumb kneaded the spot under the reddened tip; accentuating his vigor— it had Tae losing it. Kook knew how much that gesture drove him insane. He also knew that it turned Taehyung on to the max; if the latter wasn’t in such a trance, he would’ve had to punish Jungkook for it. How dare he tease him in a situation like this one?— knowing Tae wouldn’t be able to fuck his brains out.. “Y-yeah.. more awake. Keep rubbing under there..” The elder grew harder in Kook’s hand, the rocking of his hips gaining more momentum. “O-oh.. fuuck.”

“Everything okay back there?”

Shit— shit! As if it could possibly hide the commotion going on inside of his pants, Taehyung’s hand instinctively covered over his bulge; looking like a wide-eyed idiot. He quickly turned to look at Jungkook, silently pleading with him to answer for the both of them. His voice would betray him, Tae was sure of it. Fuck, he just wanted to arrive at their expensive suite already and fuck his husband..

"All good, siiir! Just a little too much to drink!" Jungkook chirped back, keeping his eyes fixed on Taehyung's wide ones. Mischief was evident on Jungkook's expression, he was fucking thriving off of the risky situation, the embarrassment that could possibly dawn upon them. But Kook was confident the chance of actually being caught was more unlikely. "Don't worry so much, you're way too obvious..." Jungkook whispered, although he did enjoy the tension it provided. "I wonder if I could just suck you off right here?" He added lowly, eyes lowering to watch his hand resume it's work, squeezing and rubbing at the swollen head. He licked his lips, nodding to himself as he leaned down, his raven hair barely visible in the dark anyway. "Just gonna take a little nap til we arrive." He cooed out loud, quietly tugging down Tae's pants to release his length from the strain of fabrics. He sighed, the sound coming out as a quiet moan that only the elder could hear before directly taking the tip into his mouth, no teasing-- just as much as he could possibly take down his throat, tongue brushing against the velvety skin. He remains still, his gag reflex well trained throughout their years together, allowing the elder to just feel the wet warmth of Jungkook's fleshy mouth, like a good cock warming prep. Koo knew this would drive him mad, riled up to the max to get what he wanted in their bedroom later on; a desperate, rough, punishing fuck.

“Kook— wha.. a-ah..” Taehyung gasped; he didn’t expect Jungkook to actually go through with it, but now that the younger’s mouth lingered frozen around his heated cock, Tae found that to be even more surprising. Jungkook was really testing him.. “Fuck, babe quit playing and suck my dick..” His fingers wove themselves in through his husband’s long hair, tugging at its roots.  Taehyung stared down at where Kook’s warmth engulfed his most sensitive body part, desperately trying to make out the younger’s swollen lips in the darkness.  Still as cautious as ever, Tae’s eyes continuously flickered between the focused driver and his husband, slightly pushing downwards on Jungkook’s head. “Baby, fuck.. so warm, shit.” Taehyung felt as if he’d be able to stay like this forever.. “You’re taking in all of it like a champ, Jesus..”

As if Jungkook was cock-warming him, Tae threw his head back, eyes closed while he visibly relaxed. It was tempting to fuck the younger’s mouth, but after a long; eventful day, this was what Taehyung needed..

“So newlyweds, huh? How does it feel?”

The elder’s eyes immediately awakened, worried that the man would be able to see Jungkook through the rear view mirror. He pushed down on Kook’s nape, feeling the younger’s drool slither down his naked length. “Oh, uh.. it— it feels great.” Taehyung bit down on his rosy lip, slowly thrusting his hips upwards. Fuck, Kook was going to be the death of him.

Jungkook placed his hand on Tae's thigh, smoothing his hand in slow circles as a way of reassurance that he's fine. But of course, Tae knew the younger could take it all. He took a deep breath through his nose, swallowing tightly around the elders swollen length. The fleshy walls of his throat constricted, the light quiet sound of the younger gasping for more air more prominent. But Kooks hand remained soothing on Tae’s thigh. It was fine. He loved this. And, the fact that Taehyung was having a conversation with the driver only made it so much more entertaining.

"That is amazing. You two make a very handsome couple. I can hear the sighs of women from here when they see the two of you together." The driver chuckled lightly.

The moan scratching at the back of Taehyung’s throat converted itself into an awkward chuckle; his posture stiff as he relished in the comforting touch of Jungkook’s hand. “Y-yeah,” another forced laughter, “He’s very good.. very handsome. Lucky to have him— o-oh shit.”  Tae felt his husband’s throat close in around him, and the elder insisted Kook could make out the saltiness of his precum. Shit, he was practically squeezing it out of him at this point, Jungkook was so fucking tight..

“Everything alright?” Of course the driver heard.

“Yeah— yeah, ‘m good.”

Taehyung’s tongue swiped over his lips, his fingers having yet to part from the younger’s hair. “Wanna feel you even more..” Subtly, Tae’s hips fucked into his mouth, the tip of his cock repeatedly prodding against the back of Jungkook’s throat. “Oh god..” His body’s rhythm was steady, but anything was better than nothing. The elder stared down at him, admiring the way the boy’s plush lips would occasionally graze the skin of his pelvis. Jungkook’s gag reflex had gotten better, and Taehyung was big— it came as an initial surprise for both. Now, they were used to it. While his dick stayed snug inside of Kook's mouth, the driver decided it’d be a good idea to continue asking them questions.

“Any plans for the future?”

“Uh, buy a house, raise a baby— things like that.” Normally Tae wouldn’t have answered so quickly, but he was desperate for the man to stop asking them questions..

“That’s amazing. Babies are a handful, I have two of them myself, so I wish you guys the best of luck!”

“T-thanks. We’ll need it.”

“How does your husband feel about that? Excited to raise a kid?”

“Yeah, babe. How do you feel about raising a baby with me?” If Jungkook could tease him, so could he. “Come on, wake up from your nap honey. It’s rude..”

Jungkook clawed at Taehyung's thigh for having the guts to force the younger to interrupt what he'd started. He really didn't want to separate his throat from Tae's cock. However, he did, slowly feeling the rigid length brush against his fleshy mouth as he pulled back to sit up straight, combing his fingers through his hair with one hand and wiping his teary eyes with the other. "Yeah,'' His voice came out hoarse. He padded his eyes with the back of his hand, instead acting as if he's so touched by the very thought of children. "Yeah I am very excited, can't wait to raise a child with him." Kook glanced over at the elder as he said so, he genuinely meant every word that rolled off his tongue. However, right now, there was a hint of his mischievous annoyance present. He wanted to tease more. Instead, he opted for simply... Not going back down, leaning back in his seat as he placed his hands in his lap, covering the throbbing bulge he's rocking of his own. Fuck, this car ride felt like it was taking forever...

"How sweet.'' The driver chirped as he finally pulled over by their street.

"Well, here we are. It was a pleasure talking to the two of you, I wish you the best of luck with your future. And congratulations on the marriage."

After seconds of just.. waiting for Jungkook to dive back down, Taehyung passed as an actual idiot. He expectantly stared at his husband, dick stiff as a pole— but without anyone to take proper care of it. When it became obvious that Kook wasn’t planning on continuing, Taehyung scoffed, tucking himself back in with a sour expression. This man..

Once the sight of the massive hotel came into view, Tae was eager to get out of there. He rummaged in his back pocket for his wallet before paying the driver, thanking him for the thoughtful wishes regarding their marriage. However, part of him felt guilty that the man remained clueless about what took place in the backseats, so Taehyung gave him a big tip. It didn’t completely get rid of his gnawing guilt, but it definitely helped..

“Thanks. Drive safe.” The elder waved at the man, an innocent smile on display until the car disappeared from their sight.

At that moment, Taehyung grasped onto Jungkook’s bicep, bringing him closer. “What the fuck was that?” He growled into the younger’s ear, “You didn’t even suck me off, that’s low, babe.” His bigger hand snuck down to Kook’s ass, giving it a firm squeeze. “You teased me a lot back there, I don’t wanna hear a word from you when I do the same. Now come on, let’s get checked in, then we’ll see if I’m still up for it..”

Being manhandled in this manner had Jungkook speechless, the one and only sound he dared to allow slipping past his suck-swollen lips was a breathy whimper. Now, it was no secret that the younger was physically the one at an advantage if he wanted to be-- but the thing is, he crumbled so easily with every word hissing through Taehyung's teeth. Jungkook nodded, keeping his gaze low on the ground as his lips curled up in a small smile, legs trembling with excitement. This little game, it was the perfect thrill. Would he get teased until he physically couldn't take it anymore? Would he be left tied up on the bed for hours upon hours? Or would the elder simlpy be too impatient and just fuck him into a dumb drooling mess?

Not knowing what to anticipate drove the younger mad.

Once they made it to the door of their premium suite, he patiently waited next to his husband who had the keycard to the door, eyes occasionally daring to look at how Tae practically oozed with frustration-- like a cloud of power that followed him all the way from the car. Kook licked his lips at the sight, a soft shaky breath all that left him as he shifted his weight on his feet, keeping his head low still. He wanted to feel small.

Taehyung turned on the doorknob, stepping into the neat space that’d soon turn into a mess. The elder was annoyed, and Jungkook knew how he got whenever something was on his mind, especially something like this.. “What are you doing still standing there? Get in.” No trace of fondness remained put in Taehyung’s naturally lower voice. Tonight, he’d put Jungkook through the merciless teasing that the younger showed him in the car; and Tae was going to enjoy every minute of it. After closing the door behind them, the elder loosened his bowtie, throwing it to the corner where his suit jacket laid. He turned around to face Jungkook, forcing the latter to stare into his eyes by redirecting his chin upwards.

He really looked too cute..

“Why are you so shy? You look so innocent..” Taehyung clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, withdrawing his hand from Kook’s chin. “But you’re far from innocent, and I think you know why.”

With a bratty smile, Tae made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed, unbuttoning the first few buttons of his top. “Why should I fuck you, hm? You’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass.” He made zero efforts to meet Jungkook’s eyes, playing uninterested.

Jungkook's doe eyes widened as he stepped closer to the elder until he stood in front of him, knees almost touching. He tried to meet Tae's eyes, but they kept avoiding him like the plague. And that alone ignited the needy fires within the younger-- he craved the attention even more when he was deprived of it. "Please, Taehyung." Jungkook's voice was low, a just audible enough whine. He dropped to his knees in front of Tae, still desperately attempting to feel his husband's gaze on him. "I'll be good, so good for you." He added, his hands already unbuttoning his own shirt after loosening his tie; eager to free himself from the restraints of the fabrics. Eager to feel Taehyung's clammy skin against his own at some point. Kook threw his shirt to the side, leaving his tie loose around his neck purposefully. He leaned in, placing his tattooed hands on Taehyung's thighs daringly as his sparkly gaze seeked attention. "I'll do anything to make up for it." He licked his lips as he said so, genuine in every sense of his words. "Mr. Jeon." He quirked a brow, liking how his name sounded when addressed to the elder, giving him a new level of authority that had Kook's cock throb beneath his dress pants.

Mr. Jeon..

Taehyung’s fingers tightly curled around Jungkook’s loose tie, roughly pulling the younger’s body upwards, unbothered to be the one who put in the effort to make their gazes clash. In this moment, Jungkook was his little doll; Tae got to handle him as he pleased. “Anything?” Their noses were practically touching whilst the elder’s hot breath fanned Kook’s flustered face, his eyes dead-set on the younger’s relaxed lips. “Call me that again.” Taehyung not only wanted to hear, but he wanted to see. The elder’s stare fell heavy on Jungkook’s lips, anticipating seeing the way they moved as Kook referred to him by such a commanding name. “Fuck.. say it.”

Jungkook licked his plushy lips deliberately slow before he inhaled deeply. "Mr. Jeon... Please, use me." He said with a low voice, his dark eyes still seeking for any attention. But knowing he wouldn't get it until the elder chose to, he settled for observing every little reaction he was able to draw out of him. He knew Taehyung didn't go unaffected, whether he acted like it or not. "Jeon Taehyung." He repeated the full name, this time it came out more like a strained sigh due to the tightness of the tie around his neck, eyes fluttering shut when he felt Tae's hand tug at the fabric controlling his airways.

Fuck, Taehyung couldn’t take it any longer; he had to have Jungkook. It was annoying— how the younger more often than not got away with whatever the hell he wanted, simply because of Taehyung’s undying hunger for the man.. But, who said the teasing had to end there? Surely not the elder. It was more fun that way.. Tae’s bigger hand unlatched itself from Jungkook’s tie, instead snaking around to the latter’s nape, sinking his fingers into the rigid skin before forcing their lips together. The kiss was anything but gentle, instead it reflected off of how Taehyung was feeling at the moment; needy, controlling— rough. “You’re gonna regret messing with me..” The elder mumbled in between their breathless kisses, the grip on Jungkook’s nape now more prominent, and so was the bulge in his tight pants. “You’re gonna listen to Mr. Jeon’s every word, got it?” Taehyung’s thumb caressed over the smooth skin of Kook’s cheek, feeling the warmth radiating from it. “Now undress me, but undo my zipper with your teeth. Hold eye contact throughout all of it, can you do that, puppy?” Not waiting for a clear answer, Tae comfortably leaned back on his arms, waiting for Jungkook to get started.

A spark of excitement swirled in Jungkook's dark gaze, eager to please and serve his husband. It was so fucking hot to see him this way, a nonchalant expression oozing of power, leaned back to showcase just exactly Jungkook was yet to unwrap for himself to see. Kook was confident, thrilled; and impatient. The mix had his hands trembling as he firstly finished the job of unbuttoning every single button on Tae's dress shirt, letting it freely fall to his sides to expose the firm yet soft torso that the younger had seen and admired countless times; yet every single time it felt new. "Yes, sir." Jungkook dragged his upper teeth across his lower lip as he lowered himself back on his knees between Taehyung's legs, eyes never wavering from his husbands. He clicked the initial button of the elders pants open before inching down to clasp the zipper between his bunny like teeth. Kook still stared up at the other male, desperate for any praise at all; and it showed in his eyes. And he was ready to work for it, there was no challenge the younger male wouldn't attempt to conquer. With every tooth of the zipper unraveling, the sound triggered his cock to pulse beneath his still intact pants. He both relished and cursed the slow pace of this, he craved to feel full, yet the journey there was just as exciting. When finished, he kept his teeth clamped on the little metal piece on the zipper, not daring to let go until ordered to do so.

“Have I ever told you how fuckin’ pretty you look when you’re obedient?” Taehyung purposely stayed back to watch Jungkook’s patient expression, knowing he could tell the younger to let go of his zipper whenever he wanted. “Now’s when you decide to be good, huh.. shit, so gorgeous..” The elder leaned forward, a shit-eating smirk tugging at his slightly swollen lips. “Let go.” Right as Kook was beginning to pull away, Taehyung’s palm pressed flat against his throat, gripping at Jungkook’s neck with his slender fingers. Although his grip was too strong to wriggle out of, Tae made sure it didn’t hurt Kook.. badly. “If you were so confident in the car, how ‘bout you prove to me just how deep you can go, hm?” Taehyung’s thumb pressed down harder at the receptive spot on the side of Jungkook’s neck, loving the way his husband seemed taken-aback by his actions. “Suck my cock, no games this time.” Growing impatient, the elder let go of his hold around Jungkook’s skin, expecting him to follow through; just like he always would.

"Yes." Jungkook gasped his word out the moment Taehyung withdrew from his throat, his throbbing erection aching so badly it almost hurt. He wanted to please so badly, he was thriving as he would remain feeling inferior throughout. He placed his hands firmly on Taehyung's thighs, using only his mouth to pick up the tip into his mouth, leaning forward to take the entirety of his husband's rigid cock down his throat, tongue brushing against the soft skin as he did so. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he wasted no time in hollowing his cheeks, sucking with an evident hunger as he began to slowly bob his head up and down. Every time his plush lips pressed against the elders pelvis, he'd feel his throat fight the girth in the form of constrictions, his eyes beginning to gather a layer of tears. He looked up at Taehyung as he withdrew, keeping the tip in his mouth as he swirled his wide tongue around it, only for him to move back down until the bulbous head prodded the back of his throat. Jungkook resumed his ministrations for as long as Taehyung would desire, the wet, loud sounds of the younger sucking with greed striking in the quiet room.

The muscles underneath Taehyung’s throat bobbed with every gulp he took, jaw slack as he watched Jungkook get to work; in a trance from the way his husband’s tongue circled around his head. Ever since they were younger, Kook always knew how to please him during a blowjob. The younger knew what he was doing, and it benefited them both. Those times they’d sneak out of the classroom only for Jungkook to get down on his knees— that feeling of infinite bliss and exhilaration never left. And now here they were, married, yet acting like the horny teenage boys they once were when they properly met... That’s how Taehyung felt with Jungkook; young.

“Shit.. you’re gonna fucking make me burst..” The elder threw his head back, the raspiness of his moans now accompanying the lewd sounds in the room. “You love my cock so much.. fuuck yeah, that’s it, good boy.” Taehyung relished in the warmth a bit longer, cheeks flushed with color. He could endure it a little more..

Jungkook pressed his thighs together at the sounds he managed to draw out of his husband, his muffled moans still caught in his throat. He took it upon himself to ease the pulsating ache between his legs by reaching down with one hand, unbuttoning his tight pants to seek some relief. Never once did he waver the rhythm he'd built up, skillfully sucking and licking Taehyung's turgid length as if he was worshipping the man himself. Kook snaked his hand beneath his own waistband, palming himself through his underwear to find even the slightest of friction, his teary eyes forcing a tear down his cheek to join the mess of drool and precum on his lips and chin.

Similar to a favorite movie of his, Taehyung found the sight below him so foreseeable yet so enticing. No matter how many times the elder’s seen Jungkook’s drool glisten down his skin, each time felt like the first. Kook was working so hard for him, maybe it was about time he did the same.. “Shit.. that’s enough.” With his hands on the younger’s shoulders, Taehyung withdrew his cock from Jungkook’s mouth, instantly missing the warmth it once provided. He gazed down at the thick layer of drool on his dick, and then back at Kook’s face— he looked beautiful like this, with rosy cheeks and watery eyes.. But Tae knew something else had to be done. “Strip for me, wanna see all of you..”

Jungkook gasps for air, not bothering to wipe his glistening chin at all as he gets up on his feet. His cheeks are flushed when he sees his own erection aching beneath the fabrics of his pants. His already exposed torso clammy from working hard on Tae's cock, messy hair and the loose tie gives him a sure look of a good, submissive boy. Now all that's missing is to show off just how badly he needs Taehyung. "Am I doing well?" Jungkook asks, fishing for more praise. His tattooed, long fingers curl around his pants as he pulls them down along with his underwear, allowing the fabrics to pool at his feet before stepping out of them. Now fully in the nude (except for the little cute tie around his neck), he takes a step to stand right in front of his husband, hands limp on his sides as he awaits what's next, cock twitching in anticipation.

“You’re doing amazing, baby..” Taehyung’s hooded eyes skimmed down Kook’s exposed, awkward stance; inhaling every inch of the younger’s skin as if it was smoke to his lungs. Jungkook was drop dead gorgeous— even in such a vulnerable state, he managed to make the elder’s breath hitch. Taehyung was sure that feeling would never, ever go away.. He never wanted it to. It kept things exhilarating between the two; it gave Taehyung a rush like never before. “You look so fucking cute with your tie.” A low chuckle emitted from deep down the elder’s chest whilst his feet moved on his own, breaking the small distance between their bodies. One of his hands landed on the side of Jungkook’s waist, and his pointer finger hooked itself underneath the flimsy fabric around Kook’s neck, drawing him in closer. Their cocks gently grazed over one another, the small contact having Taehyung bite down on his lower lip— his husband’s lower lip, anything to be more than close. “You turn quiet real quick, don’t you?” The elder breathed out against Jungkook’s neck, running the tip of his nose along the responsive skin. “Hope you’re less shy when I pound into you, wanna hear you.” In that instant, Taehyung harshly drove the younger’s back against the wall, caging his relatively larger build in between his own. No matter how much stronger Jungkook was; or how tough he appeared in people’s eyes, Tae knew the younger man would always be his baby boy.

Those doe eyes made Taehyung want to corrupt him again and again.

“So fuckin’ pretty, goddamn.” The elder’s mouth latched on to his husband’s sweet spot, sucking on the soft skin as if it was the last thing he’d do. Both of his bigger hands held Jungkook’s wrists above his head, stopping him from wriggling too much. “Gonna give you so many hickeys, want everyone to know what we came here to do.. and that’s fucking mark my territory.”

"Ah~ yes, I'm yours...." Jungkook's rosy lips parted in a needy whimper, muscles in his arms and torso flexing as he lightly tugged against the restraints that were Taehyung's hands-- however not hard enough to actually set himself free. He could.. but he did.not.want.to.. He was thriving to be Taehyung's good boy. His regular day to day life always consisted of being the big guy, the strong guy. The one in charge. And ever since they were teenagers, the elder was the only person who could reduce him into a whiny, needy boy that just wanted to be manhandled, praised, and properly and utterly fucked. Jungkook's breathy moans were growing heavy, eyes screwing shut as he deliberately focused on the way Tae's lips sucked on his skin-- and trying his best to ignore the borderline painful ache between his legs. He could practically feel the precum drool from the swollen head of his tip. But it was so much easier said than done, and the younger's well repeated words throughout the years slipped past his lips in a quiet whine. "More, please.."

Taehyung’s lips attached themselves to parts of the untainted skin of Kook’s neck, down to his collarbones and shoulders, where he stamped a bundle of kisses— ranging from big to small— along every shuddering dip and arch. “Such a good boy for me, I love you.” With one last look into Jungkook’s eyes, Tae spun the younger around on his feet, hands grabbing at his small waist. “Just wanna devour you whole..” The elder’s breath clashed against the other’s nape, feeling the delicate hairs of Jungkook’s skin brush against his nose in a feather-like touch. Everything Kook had to offer was intoxicating.. Taehyung nuzzled his face in the crook of his husband’s collarbone, one of his hands snaking around to where Jungkook’s aroused cock bobbed. His long fingers didn’t wait to wrap themselves around the thick girth, accumulating the precum at the tip, and smothering it down to the rest of his length.

“Don’t cum yet, alright~?” The elder pressed himself harder onto Kook’s ass, pushing the latter’s chest against the wall. His rock-hard dick stayed snug in between his husband’s cheeks, taunting him with painfully slow thrusts. “Fuck..” Taehyung flicked his wrist a couple of times, then proceeded to carefully stroke Jungkook’s wet cock— from the base to the tip. “Your moans are so fucking pretty, I wanna hear them all the time.”

"Oh, fuck... Tae.." Jungkook pressed his cheek against the wall, heavy huffs and moans slipping past his lips. His cock twitched happily in the elder's hand, finally receiving the attention he so badly craved. But it quickly turned out to be not enough. Not enough at all. "You're so good to me-- god.." kooks voice tore into a higher pitched moan when the elders cock pressed against his plump ass, arching his back to seek more, to silently beg for his husband to fuck him already. But he knew better than that, Tae wouldn't give in so easily; even if they both knew and desired just that. "You drive me crazy, I love you so mu-uch!" He tensed his leg muscles, desperately trying to hold back how fast his orgasm wanted to creep up on him, whining louder with every stroke provided by the other male. Kook imagined their first time in that dirty locker room, this position way too familiar-- yet so different. Tae back then compared to now was a completely different man; and yet parts remained exactly the same. Just like Taehyung, Jungkook felt younger with his husband, like they're still a pair of horny teenagers. Now, they're just older; and much better at what they're doing. "Please... baby, I need more." Kook glanced over his shoulder, his dark doe eyes pleading to the elder like a puppy. "Stretch my tight ass for you... I want your fat cock in me.."

Koo paused for a moment, grinding his hips back against Tae's cock-- "Daddy..."

“You know me too well, baby..” Taehyung growled into Jungkook’s ear, grunts muffled against the side of Kook’s neck as his hips gained momentum; feeling the delicate skin of his cock glide between Jungkook’s ass, continuously rubbing against his husband’s clenched entrance. “Oh fuck, daddy’s gonna make you feel so good.” His hand’s dragging motion faltered, “Well, he always does, doesn’t he?” Taehyung’s teeth tugged at the back of Kook’s tie, forcefully ungluing the younger’s tinted cheek from the wall, choking him in the slightest. With the piece of fabric securely clamped down in his mouth, Tae tauntingly tilted his head to the side, wearing a sly smile upon properly making out Jungkook’s shift in blissful expressions. He looked too fucking good.. The elder’s hooded glance was casted downwards, admiring how the tip of his cock would pop out with every upward drag, standing tall in between Kook’s cheeks. “Hngh..” Taehyung tugged harder with his teeth, nails sinking deep into the flesh of Jungkook’s hips.

"Y-yeah, always-- ahn...." Jungkook shamelessly rolls his hips against his husband's cock, legs quaking to keep himself up, hands firmly pressed against the wall to keep some kind of leverage as he gasps from the pressure against his neck as he's tugged back. "Please, now-- need more..haah..." He breathes out in a choked whisper, licking his lips until they shine as if they were glazed with gloss. His fingers curled against the wall, not caring that it'd cause marks if he kept going. Nothing else mattered, only the boys-- reckless and messy, just like they've always been. Now that Jungkook was deprived of the friction of Taehyung's hand on his cock, all he could think about was to feel his clenching hole being stretched and filled to the brim, his agile hips continuously grinding back deliciously against the elder, showing him what he's missing out on. "Just shove it in me, I'm dying without it." He pleaded once more, screwing his eyes shut as he prayed for the tease to soon be over with-- he swore he'd combust at any moment if he couldn't have it.

Taehyung’s rigid mouth let go of Jungkook’s tie, letting the damp fabric resume to its spot on the younger’s nape. Now that he was able to, Tae trailed open-mouthed kisses along Kook’s flexed shoulder blades, the fluttering of his eyelashes grazing the man’s soft skin. “Just a little longer, babe. You’re a big boy, you can handle it.” However, Taehyung himself didn’t know just how much longer he could take it either.. He was good at teasing, but it didn’t mean he didn’t want to rearrange Jungkook’s guts right then and there. The elder kept it up for a few extra seconds, continuing to grind against his husband’s ass; his dick sandwiched in between each rosy cheek. But those seconds felt like hours, and that’s when Tae called it  off. “Not gonna shove it in you now, at least wait until we’re on the bed, will ya?” His chuckle caused his shoulders to vibrate, and his cock to twitch. “It’s our first time as husbands, let’s be a little classier~”

With one last squeeze to Jungkook’s ass, Tae led them both to the spacious bed, too high on the moment to part their hungry kisses. His hand securely clasped the back of his husband’s neck, deepening their kiss until the back of their shins met the wooden edge of the bed. Taehyung lightly pushed on Kook’s chest, urging him to lay on his back whilst he discarded his dress shirt that the younger had previously unbuttoned, lower lip clasped in between his teeth. Kicking off the pants and boxers pooling at his ankles, Tae proudly showed off his naked physique before situating himself above Jungkook, towering over the younger man. “So gorgeous.. so pretty.. so fuckable.” Despite their difference in size, Taehyung was used to manhandling Koo in the bedroom, so it came naturally. The elder liked to joke that carrying his buff husband around was the reason he’d been gaining extra muscle recently.. “Gonna stretch you out first, but with my tongue.. spread those legs wide for daddy, he wants a taste of you.”

Jungkook's cheeks flushed in pink at the praise and commands hurled his way, nodding as he did as told. Shuffling up further on the bed with his husband on top, he reached behind his knees to spread his legs wide for Taehyung, exposing everything he had to physically offer like a good boy. He just looked so small like this, it was pitiful yet endearing. "With your tongue...?" Kook meekly replied, leaning his head back comfortably against the soft duvet, the blush on his face spreading fast across his features. He felt a bit embarrassed, but... He wanted it. Taehyung was skilled in many aspects, and using his tongue was definitely one of them. "Taste me, please daddy...."

“Gladly, baby.” Taehyung could pinpoint Jungkook’s obvious embarrassment from a mile away, the redness in his cheeks drawing all the more attention to his body’s natural reaction. The elder could relate, but he also knew that at the end, Koo’s initial uneasiness would soon turn into pure lust; Taehyung knew how it went— all too well, in fact. “You look so pretty all spread out for me, yeah you do.. fuuck.” Tae pressed his hands against the backside of Jungkook’s muscular thighs, leaning downwards to meet his feast in the eyes. “So pink ‘n untouched.. but not for long.” The elder’s wet tongue lapped over his husband’s clenched entrance once, giving each of them a small sample of what was to come. “So sweet, too..” Tae’s chaste kisses were sensual around the rim, his fingernails digging deep into Kook’s flesh whilst he steadied himself on his knees.

A drawn out moan passed through Jungkook's parted lips, pressing his head back against the bed. His hands withdrew from his thighs to allow the elder to take over the grip of his legs, his own hands vulnerably laying above his head. His hips jerked lightly at the sensation, his tight entrance twitching from the welcoming warmth teasing around it. "Mmh, yeah.. Feels good.." Koo announced his pleasure in small, breathy whines, indulging in the way his husband is taking care of him, worshiping his body like it was his last meal in this life. Jungkook glanced down at Taehyung, and the sight had his cock throbbing. The elders dark fringe dangled over his eyes, strong arms holding Kook's legs up, the lower part of his face hiding to please and tease with one of Jungkook's most sensitive parts. "Fuck, you're so hot.." Koo was already losing any sense of embarrassment, all he could feel was the overwhelming lust drowning him-- tunnel visioned on his husband, and his husband only.

“Fuck, I know,” Tae outwardly agreed like the cocky bastard he was, allowing his mouth to linger close to the milky skin of Jungkook’s thighs, ghosting over the smooth flesh with his plush lips. “Gonna finger you first, I know how much you love that.” The elder’s tongue slightly peeked out of the corner of his lips, switching his utmost attention to Koo’s hole; and as if an indescribable pull had taken over his senses, Taehyung’s middle finger sank in without a warning. The man was still leaning down, too focused on the way Jungkook swallowed his slender digit to look away. Soon enough, Tae added in another finger.. and another; and like a small child in a candy store, he was amazed by how much his husband could endure. His eyes were shining with anticipation, mouth watering from the simple sight.. The scissoring motions inside of Kook came to a halt, and as soon as he pulled out his dripping digits, Taehyung’s lean tongue snuck its way past the gaping opening. It was a new feeling.. he’d eaten out plenty of girls before in his High School days, but having his tongue deep inside of Koo felt new— not necessarily a bad kind of new. Shit, he was so warm and.. pleasant. Taehyung’s eyes were fluttered shut, relishing in the way he flicked his tongue in the compact space, scolding himself for not doing this sooner.

"Yeah, yea- oh god..." Jungkook's moans from the familiar fingers broke into a gasp at the new sensation of Taehyung's warm, wet, firm tongue smoothing his insides, his thighs trembling in Tae's hands. "Holy shit..." Koo almost chuckles in disbelief at the fact they hadn't done this the other way sooner, placing his hand over his face to wipe his clammy skin, cheeks flushed red. "I see why you like this so much now, wow..." Jungkook ran his fingers through his hair, slightly dry from the residue of the product, taking deep breaths as he closed his eyes, allowing himself to truly focus on the wet muscle exploring his most intimate parts. "Feels so good.."

The constant shower of praise and moans of approval amped up Taehyung’s slowly diminishing confidence. He didn’t know if he was doing any good— until Koo decided to open his mouth. He gripped tighter onto his husband’s inner thighs, knuckles turning white from his secure handle. The elder’s skilled tongue lapped at every reachable inch of Jungkook’s insides, humming in pure delight at the new taste he’s grown fond of. It didn’t take long, once and Taehyung was hooked.. “Oh wow, you taste so fucking good,” Tae murmured under his heavy breath once he’d pulled away for a quick second, gathering extra spit in his mouth before aiming at Kook’s swollen hole. He placed kitten licks on the entrance, lips slightly puckered as he roughly fucked his tongue in and out of Jungkook, one hand sneaking up to toy with the younger���s warm balls.

Jungkook's hands instinctively reached for Taehyung, combing his fingers through his dark curls as his moans had gradually grown breathier and louder. "Uh huh-- shit, you're so good at that.." Jungkook mindlessly spits his verbal reassurance of the pleasure he's put through, his words coming out as high pitched whines. Kooks hips squirm for more, greedy and needy in every sense of the word. He was an absolute puddle for his husband, always have been, always will be. "I love you, I fucking love you... please, need your cock so bad, noooow..."

The elder withdrew his mouth from Jungkook’s ass, warm spit glistening around his blood-fueled lips and the tip of his nose, making Taehyung look all the more fucked as he gazed down at Kook; making a show out of the way he slipped his tongue back in his mouth, moaning deeply whilst he savored the rest of his husband. Didn’t taste overly sweet, and that Taehyung liked.. “Wanna eat you out everyday now..” Koo’s pink entrance was slick from Tae’s previous work, the rim spread wide enough for him to poke the head of his cock through— “Shit..” Taehyung’s tip was immersed in between Jungkook’s flesh, and soon enough was the rest of his long, thick length. The younger always takes him in so well.. The first time 18-year-old Tae slipped inside of Kook might’ve been a lot to take in, but they’ve both gotten used to each other’s bodies throughout the years they’ve been together.

“Fuck, you good?” Taehyung’s veiny hand guided his dick to a more comfortable position, his long fringe falling down to his eyes. “I love you so fucking much, Koo, fuck.” The elder threw his husband’s legs over his broad shoulders, resting his muscular arms beside Jungkook’s head before beginning to grind into his man, starting at a slow pace. It was their honeymoon.. it had to be somewhat romantic. “I can’t believe you’re my husband— hngh..” Tae grunted out loud, “I-I can’t wait to have a family with you, yeah.. fuck, wanna grow old with you ‘n do everything t-together— so tight..”

"Mhm, yes." Jungkook nodded, his calloused fingers grasping around Taehyung's lower arms tightly, blunt nails digging into the skin for his own sake, he needed to claw at something to release the overwhelming warmth that spread throughout his body. "So good, I love you-- shit, I love being your husband." Koo's eyebrows were tightly knit together as he stared up at Tae with his doe eyes, his blurry vision glazed over with every single emotion he could possess at a moment like this.

Lust, love, relief.

He was just as whipped for the man on top of him as he'd always been, for years already-- and he had no doubt that this was his forever after.

Jungkook bit back a raspy moan when Tae's cock finally started to tease at his prostate, eyes fluttering in bliss, struggling to keep his gaze focused any longer, simply drowning in how amazing it felt to feel his husband's hips grind into him with the utmost affection. It was fantastic, but knowing the younger man-- slow only pleased him for so long... "A-ah, your cock is so big... I love it, fuck, more... Please, Mr. Jeon.." He purred, deliberately clenching his warm flesh around the elder's turgid length, the hint of mischief sparkling in the younger's eyes.

Tae burrowed his face in the crook of Jungkook’s neck, their bodies’ shine mingling with one another whilst Taehyung sweetly kissed the pale skin, tasting the slight saltiness of his husband’s sweat on his lips. He licked over them, allowing them to hang open as grunts and groans made themselves known in the room. The elder wasn’t shy when it came to the noises he made in the bedroom; he wanted to let Koo know just how good he was making him feel.. His husband held a tight grip on his cock, causing it to twitch in anticipation as Tae gradually thrusted deeper into him. “Love it when you call me that— hmph..!” His balls smacked harder against the younger’s ass, squelching sounds taking over the invisible bubble they’ve made for themselves. “Fuck..” It came out as a hoarse whisper, and one of Taehyung’s hands snuck between their bodies to grasp onto Jungkook’s cock, giving the stiff skin a few delicious strokes. “So good..”

"Aa-aah*..!" Jungkook snapped his head from one side to the other, pressing his flushed cheek against the bed. His body trembled like a leaf at the added sensation, a drawn out moan in relief, finally touched where it ached the most. He felt like he'd been a really good boy then and there to finally earn this as a reward. "I f-feel good? fuck--" His voice was strained and wobbly, every thrust choking his words. "Tell me, tell me please... How good I make you feel."

Koo knew already, the sounds his husband was making gave him no doubt about the pleasure his body brought upon the elder. But Jungkook loved to verbally hear it. Almost like back when Taehyung had gone overseas, and all they had were FaceTime. Even though they could easily look at each other through their screens-- the verbal aspect of it was Kook's favorite. And it stuck with him since, hearing that deep voice his husband possessed tell him the most filthy of things, and the highest of praise; it turned Jungkook on.

Taehyung’s head tilted upwards, the fringe no longer as smooth. Instead the dark hairs stuck together by a thin layer of sweat on his creased forehead, giving him little access to truly look into Jungkook’s doe eyes whilst he grumbled out his next words; “Your insides are always so fucking tight, no matter how many times I push my cock in you— hngh.. it never fails to drive me crazy..” The elder snapped faster into Koo, having yet to withdraw his hand from Jungkook’s dick whilst he thrusted into him at an animalistic pace, feeling the head of his cock prod at his husband’s abused prostate. “You’re so warm, too.. the warmest I’ve felt in a really long fuckin’ time. Fuck.. so soft. You make me feel so good.” Still jerking Koo off, Tae’s mouth wrapped around one of the boy’s nipples, swirling his wet tongue around the bud before lightly nibbling on it. He quickly flicked the awakened nip with his tongue, humming into the skin.

"Fuck yes, oh my good, Taehyung..." Jungkook's whiny moans turned into sobs, his abs flexing as they tightened in rapture, the pool of heat quickly ramping up in his lower abdomen. The continous prodding of his sensitive prostate drove him mad. "I'm gonna c-cum, I'm clo-ose, ahhn..." His eyes were filled with desperation, sparkling with the layer of tears and admiration swirling within them. He was completely transfixed on his husband, absolutely whipped for the attention his body is given in so many various ways at the moment. Taehyung's cock, his mouth, his hand. It was overwhelming as hell. Jungkook could easily feel his own cock drool with precum, his thick length swelling to full hardness as if it was about to explode at any moment. All he needed was just-- one. small. push.

Taehyung’s release was also knocking at his door, begging to be spread across Jungkook’s fleshy insides as every thrust of his cock dragged Tae’s energy down bit by bit. “G-gonna cum inside, so close..” Eager to make Koo break down along with him, Taehyung’s grip on his husband’s dick tightened, feeling the stickiness of the younger’s precum cover his fidgeting fingers; easing the slide of his sore hand. “I love you, I love you— a-ahh.. fuuck I-I’m cumming so much.” Spurts of warm white shot into Jungkook, dribbling out of the latter’s entrance as it was too much to hold in despite his cock staying still in its place.

“Wow.. so, does this officially make us husbands now?” The elder’s voice was raspy as he teased, breath hitching once he pulled out of Jungkook to lay on his back, chest heaving whilst he blankly stared at the ceiling. It felt different, yet not different at all.

Jungkook's clammy chest heaved up and down and placed one hand on top of his skin, mindlessly rubbing at his peck as he chuckled. The aftermath of his own orgasm still pulsated in his softening length, the pool of his release warm on his lower stomach. "Yeah, it does." Kook's voice was just as hoarse. He turned his face towards his husband with a small, toothy grin on his face. They were both exhausted, definitely sobered up, and.. sticky, to say the least. But, content nonetheless. Jungkook couldn't have imagined a better way to spend their first wedding night together.

"Hey." His voice lowered, eyes heavy on the elder as he scuffed closer, pressing a soft kiss on Tae's arm.

"I love you. Can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Mr. Jeon."

© sombreboy 2020. Do not repost, edit or translate. Co-writer is my lovely @velvetwicebang​ <3

[athenamikaelson]

I like your writing a lot it’s all super creative and you write dean very well! I was hoping I could request a Dean x reader where after Sam went to hell you moved into the Same town as Lisa and dean. You continued to be close with him and it makes Lisa uncomfortable and basically she tells the reader she has to leave if she wants dean to move on from his past life.

Dean Winchester x Reader

Request-I like your writing a lot. It's all super creative and you write dean very well! I was hoping I could request a Dean x reader where after Sam went to hell you moved into the Same town as Lisa and dean. You continued to be close with him and it makes Lisa uncomfortable and basically she tells the reader she has to leave if she wants Dean to move on from his past life.

Warnings- Alcohol, Lisa being a b*tch, angst

Word Count- 1520

“SAM!!!!” Dean’s cries are heard over my own as I hold Bobby’s lifeless body to my own. Tears streaming down my face. I look up to see the ground close up and Sam gone along with the gaping hole. My eyes divert to Dean as he falls to his knees, a lifeless look on his face. Oh no.

2 months later…

“Ben no that’s not how you hold a wrench. Didn’t your father teach you this already?” I stopped talking as soon as I heard what I said. Ben looks up at me with a confused glare.

“I’ve never had a dad.” I quickly pat him on the back and walk off not trying to get yelled at by Lisa again by my so called, “sociopathic tendencies.” It’s not my fault I don’t understand children.

I quickly made my way over to Dean who was laying under his never family car that he bought after putting the Impala in storage. 

“You and the kid become friends yet?” Dean’s gruff voice calls out under the small van. A fucking van. Never in a thousand years would I have ever thought I’d see the Dean Winchester drive a minivan with his own free will. But, Lisa wanted a van so they got a van.

“Nope. Doubt it’ll happen. Kids as bland as your cooking.” I take a beer from the cooler next to the toolbox. Dean slides out from under the van and gives me a disapproving look. He stands and takes the beer away from my lips and takes it for himself. 

“Hey! What the hell man. That was mine.” He rolls his eyes as he uses a rag to wipe his hands. Veins prominent as he stretches his fingers out. Oh how I’d love to-

“Kid you listening.” Dean knocks me out of my gross fantasizing.

“Stop calling me that. I’m only 3 years younger than you. The same as Lisa, and I don’t see you calling her that.” 

“Calling me what?” And in comes the Devil. Oops. Sorry Sammy. 

Lisa walks through the garage door and beams at Dean. The smile falters for a moment when she sees me. Dean wraps his arm around her waist bringing her in so he can place a kiss to his head. They stay like that. Wrapping each other in each other’s normality. I stand up not wanting to watch this for another moment longer. 

“Well, um. I’m going to head home. Long day and whatever.” I start to walk off. Making it another foot before Dean calls out behind me.

“Y/n, you good?” He has a questioning look on his face. No Dean I’m not. The man I’m in love with his wrapping his entire essence around a she-demon.

“Ya. I’m fine. Bye Deany,” I look over to see Lisa glaring at me, Dean is obviously oblivious, “Lisa.” 

Dean looks down at her, which makes her quickly plaster a fake smile on her lips and beam at me. 

“Night Y/n. See you later!” Ya if I don’t send you down to be bunk buddies with Sammy first.

5 Hours later. 

A rerun of The Golden Girls as I sip my beer, sleep not finding me tonight so I decide that alcohol will fix said problem. My head full of thoughts from the horrid day when Sammy left us. Dean’s screams never leave my dreams. So here is to another night of Golden Girls.

When I just about to grab another beer a knock sounds at the door. Wondering why Dean would be coming this late I quickly make my way to the door. I obviously don’t expect any of my neighbors because well. Let’s just say I haven’t been as welcoming in the neighborhood as Dean. Much to his complaints. 

“Dean what are you-” Oh her. Lisa smiles back at me. A devilish look in her eyes.

“Hello Y/n. Not Dean by the way. Can I come in?” Without getting an answer she brushes by me and walks in the living room. 

“Ya. Make yourself at home Lisa.” I follow behind and she picks up an empty bottle of beer and gives me a disapproving look.

“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Y/n. Drinking alone, how sad are you.” Oh God if she wasn’t Dean’s girlfriend I swear to God I’d-

“Well enough of the small talk. I need to address something to you.” Ugh. What now?

“Please Lisa. Make yourself comfortable. Or you know get out of my house?” Sarcasm dripped from my lips.

“Well Y/n you’d like that wouldn’t you? You’d like if I wasn’t ever around you or Dean anymore wouldn’t you?” She raises an eyebrow as mine go up in surprise. I go to the object before she stops me.

“Don’t act like it’s a lie. I know you love him. A blind man would be able to tell. And I’m not blind. I mean you really think Dean doesn’t know either? I mean what the hell Y/n. He calls you,” She smirks, “kid. And that’s all you’ll ever be to him. A sad little puppy that follows him everywhere. I mean you followed him to his girlfriend's house after his kid brother died. Do you not see how you’re suffocating him. God Damn, you're pathetic.” I freeze, my fists clenching behind my back. I step a foot forward in anger.

“You bitch!” Lise holds up a hand stopping me from getting in her face. 

“Sweetheart think this out. Fighting Dean’s girlfriend. Come on, even you are smart enough to realize that would be a stupid idea.” I step back. She’s not wrong. 

“Did you just come here to gloat about your relationship Lisa? Because if so you made your point and can let the door smack you on the way out.” Lisa steps forward.

“Y/n that’s not the reason I came. I’m really trying to be a good friend here and give you some much needed advice.” I laugh in her face.

“Oh ya? And what exactly would that be?” Her face dead pans.

“Get the hell out of this town.” My face scrunches at her threat.

“Are you threatening me? In my own house!” She holds up her hands. “No of course not Y/n. Don’t you see it? You’re holding Dean back. Everytime he sees you he thinks of his past life, hunting, Sam. That bad life. It’s holding him back from having what he truly wants. A family. And you’re just a bad reminder of his loss of his past one.” She pats me on my back and leans into my ear.

“If you truly love him, you’ll leave him and let him be happy.”

She tightens her grip for a moment before walking to the door and opens it, about to step out before turning over her shoulder.

“Goodbye Y/n.”

Loading my last bag into the cab of my truck I step back to place the keys of the house into the mailbox for the ease of the realtor. Taking one final look at the overgrown grass that I never cut, the vines wrapping around the white exterior of the house and my last name scrawled horribly into the mailbox I moved to get into my truck.

Good bye apple pie life. I hated every second of you.

Making my way towards Dean and Lisa’s house I passed all of our neighbors houses, all the neighbors I never made the time to interact with because of a moment like this. This life would never truly be mine so why lie to myself.

Pulling up on the side of the street across from Dean’s I get out of the truck and stop in front of the house to prepare myself for what lie I’m going to tell Dean on why I’m leaving. 1. Would be that I have a friend in Montana that needs help on a hunt or 2. I’ve loved him since the moment he laughed at my stupid joke about bikers 4 years ago and if I truly love him I have to let him go so he can be happy. Even if it is with She-Devil. Ok. So definitely going with choice 1. 

I’m brought out of my thoughts by the sound of deep laughter. Dean. 

I look to the dining room window to see Dean wrapping his arms around Lisa, his head thrown back and laughter spilling out from the half opened window. A smile wraps on his face before he wraps his lips around hers. Both pulling away after a second with such love in their eyes. Ben walks into the kitchen rubbing his eyes from sleep and looks at the 2 adults in confusion before Dean grabs him into a hug pulling Lisa along with him. They stand there laughing as if nothing matters in the world. Just them. Like a family. Oh.

Turning my back on him as I make my way to my truck. Tears prick the edges of my eyes as I pull away and make it to the end of the road without turning back.

“Good bye Dean.”

Taglist- @akshi8278

[feckin-zicons]

that's why i hate larries, i hate them with all my heart. besides being boring they are hypocrites 🙄

Hey nonnie, sorry its taken me so long to reply but if you’re following me you know I’ve been travelling lately and have been more scatterbrained than usual. Not that I’m ever not scatterbrained, but its been just a little crazier than usual!

Now I wouldn’t go as far to say I hate Larries. After all their delusions can be pretty funny sometimes!

Joking aside, I don’t hate Larries, I love Larries, I’m a Larry, so I really hesitate to tarry the whole group with the same brush. However I do strongly agree with you that there are those who are complete hypocrites. Nothing annoys more more than when Larries ™ treat the other boys, other celebrities, their friends and even family as one more side character to the Larry Show.

In particular when Larries ™ flood comment sections asking or in some cases, ordering people to confirm rumors/the couple being together. The absolute fucking disrespect. Not just because they’re flooding comment sections in videos streams, tweets, what have you, that sometimes have nothing to do with the couple in question, but because its presumptuous and rude as fuck to think they’re owed a coming out- just because they’re fans of the boys.

Stop it. Thats fucking ugly as hell.

While I have no doubt all the boys will one day be out (as referenced by their continued efforts in fighting the closet. I don’t get the sense the boys will just stop at being freed from their contractual obligations). It should and will be on their own terms. Provided they’re not forcibly outed some other way.

Coming out is a deeply personal experience and no one, no one ever, has the right to out someone else. I’ll never not be absolutely furious at the Larries ™ who posted about having ‘receipts’ that would out the boys. Which… tbh weren’t receipts at all but thats a whole other story. I’m also still angry at the reactions after Liams Attitude spread that wouldn’t have been as bad if not for the entitled fandom that peddled ridiculous claims beforehand about Liam confirming Larry to be real.

I mean… What the actual fuck. Setting aside the fandom experience of the time, and boy was it an experience. What right would Liam have confirming Louis and Harry’s relationship? I mean, get some perspective? It doesn’t help that a lot of fandom adults were the ones coming up with, and reblogging those theories and the younger fans ate it up. It would have made more sense for Louis and Harry to do it but idk maybe I’m still out of touch for thinking so. I mean, it felt like every other week someone was talking about Larry coming out. It was such a shit storm oh my god.

Biggest issue I still have with them is that the entitled behaviour hasn’t stopped. For some it seems like, Larry coming out is it for them. Like pack it up, goodbye, shows over, Louis and Harry are gay and in a relationship and everything is rainbows, we get to see cute pictures of them and everyone lives happily ever after.

Yeah, no. Coming out, for anyone, is just the beginning, can’t even begin to imagine what its like for them. They’re still going to need everyones support, and it irritates me that for some fans it seems so fucking conditional.

Time and time again, I’ve seen tweets, and posts, and videos, whatever, going on about Larry coming out and it reads like a fucking wattpad story. Not just that but its always on the assumption by the poster, on the off chance they consider the other 3/5ths of the band and Ziam being a possibility, that Larry will come out first?

What?

I’m sorry but, what?

Everything I’ve seen from the boys tells me they’re all in this together, they support each other and are working through the bullshit as a team. We have all seen the No Judgement music video yes? The merch, posts, double speak etc referencing each other, yes?

I mean, I suppose if you only look at Louis and Harry, like so many do, sure. Only Larry matters, everyone else is a side character in their life.

(Lemme just, scream for a second).

However, that kind of thinking leads them to the wrong conclusions. Like… assuming the SBB/RBB countdown was attributed to nothing, when it counted down to Liam finally being free of Sophia. In the years since, I’ve seen Larries ™ backtrack on claiming the bears had anything to do with the boys, that they weren’t behind it at all, or that they were just trolling the fandom.

You know, despite all the proof otherwise, and some really, really good posts breaking down clues about what the boys were trying to tell us. The moment something might not actually be about Louis and Harry its like all their thinking shuts off. Its frustrating. Really fucking frustrating.

Seriously, fans of the other boys as individulas, not just Ziams, have been talking about the stunts too and how they fit together. Its why we tend to be right, because we’re considering the entire group. They’re still a group. They’re not free until all of them are free.

Just for that Nialls coming out first. Lmao. I’ll call it now. Lets go Niall, whens the baby coming. We all wanna know. Its been years.

Imagine, imagine! Acting like coming out is some race to be won. The fucking audacity.

Go outside and touch fucking grass you absoulte ninny.

I get it, you want to be vindicated, you want to be rewarded for putting your faith in two celebrities being together.

Newsflash you dandelionfluff, its not a race, Louis and Harry coming out isn’t a fucking prize. Thats not what supporting a relationship looks like.

Its worse when someone admits they don’t know much about Ziam or the possibility of Niall being LGBT+, and claim they’re open to it, but then immediately tweet or reblog or sub tweet or tag comment a post or answer an ask from another Larry ™ talking about how Larries ™ are the most marginalized and persecuted group.

???

In what fucking world?

IN WHAT FUCKING WORLD?

If we wanna play that game, boohoo, the media claims Louis and Harry aren’t friends anymore because of crazy shippers. Meanwhile Zayn publicly isn’t friend with anyone and “left” the band… despite the Ziam fandom calling the stunt about either Louis or Zayn “leaving” and getting it down to the exact week (the second article coming out a week before about the Ziam kiss pretty much cemented it for Zayn leaving. Which did a lot to fan the flames of the already rabid fanbase when Ziam got two articles confirming a Ziam kiss over the years and Larry got nada. Like that actually means anything).

Not to mention Larries ™ using the hetties and management tactics against the other parts of the fandom to silence them.

Who cares what the media says anyway!  TPTB, 1DHQ, The Sun, The Mirror, Simon and his minions and their unpaid interns have used the media to split the fandom apart and it worked.

Who the fuck cares if the media calls the 1D stans delusional, you know the truth! The truth it out there and you’ve seen it! The truth is coming! Who gives a damn about what some two bit “journo” who failed out of their creative writing course writes? They get worse by the year. If it wasn’t so pathetic and hilarious I might actually feel embarrassed for them. They can’t even come up with new stories and have just taken to copying old articles, but you’re upset with them??? Give it a rest. Honestly.

The sense of disconnect, entitlement and victimhood of some Larries ™ is absolutely ridiculous.

Oh my god they’re Karens. I’m not trying to be insulting, but thats exactly who they remind me of.

I’m not going to say its a surprise to me that so many in the Ziam fandom are POC, LGBT+, and Neurodivergent and any combination of those, but I am going to say I’ve read a lot of Larry fics that just have Het sex made gay. Those in the Ziam fandom just tend to look at facts in a different way than Larries do due to their life experiences. A interfaith, interracial, relationship where one or both partners fall under the Bi umbrella (not saying Louis or Harry can’t be or aren’t Bi+ but rumors, and the way the fandom markets them, puts them firmly in the gay category) looks very, very different than gay or straight relationship. Both looking from outside and being in one. There’s just different dynamics at play that aren’t often realized or understood by the gays and hets.

Its not a bad thing. All relationships are different. The issue is that theres a lot of biphobia/racism/religious prejudice etc that arises from people being unwilling to understand the inherent differences.

Taking myself for example, I’m bi, like, bi as hell, and I don’t understand how gays and hets only like one gender. I just don’t. Can’t wrap my head around it. If someone asks me to choose one gender over the others to prefer I can’t. Its so stressful. My brain goes into panic mode and it feels like I’m being torn apart. My sense of identity is shaken- its a shit feeling. I just can’t lie to myself like that. If other people feel the same well, its no wonder bi+ have such high rates of depression and suicide. Its not about choosing who to like, there is no choice, I just feel attraction to everyone. Aces, I get. Its similar to being the opposite of what I feel, or not feeling an attraction to someone I’m not interested in. Easy. Gays and hets? I’m completely lost on.

Completely, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try and understand where they’re coming from. Its alien to me, personally, but I’m not going to shut down the fact, that theres a fuck ton of people who only like one gender or try and make up reasons as to why they’re actually bi+

I digress, none of the boys fall neatly into the gay stereotypes, its just that parts of the Larry fandom have boxed Louis and Harry into certain roles to fit preconceived notions (likely do to them initially fitting in better with the white, sassy, somewhat effeminate twink thats been plastered all over Hollywood as their “LGBT+ representation” for years. Gag), they can understand better, and only look for proof to back up their theories but don’t look at things objectively.

They really need to get out more and make some LGBT+ friends that aren’t on the internet and talk to some gay elders. They need educating that’s not the often sanitized and insulting Hollywood version, that’s all I’m saying.

They made Louis and Harry more palatable for themselves and its… really gross.

I don’t know, I don’t get it.

Some Larries ™ turned the boys into their fandom and fanfiction stereotypes when they’re so much more than that. The Sony leaks should have been enough to dissuade the fandom, and prove that the brand sold to the broader audience is just that- a brand, and yet… Niall only talks about food and golf and Ireland and is only allowed to be straight or ace. If he exists at all its just to be Capt Niall. Liams slow and dumb and depending on the day he’s either Capt Liam or a horrific abusive homophobe. Zayns just The Worst, a unstable drug addict, and the boys hate each other, and they should have kicked him out of the band sooner because he never wanted to be part of them anyway, etc.

It drives me absolutely around the bend some days. They’re real people who don’t owe anyone anything, especially not coming out.

Yes, I think they will. But they’re not obligated to. They can change their minds, I’ll support them regardless of an “official” coming out or not.

Look, a part of me gets it. They wanna be right, they wanna prove the haters wrong, they want to be able to say I called it all along! The vindication will be sweet.

But like, it takes a quick look at someone other than Louis and Harry to realize theres something hinky going on with Liam, Zayn and Niall. Please listen to their fans who have spent just as much time as you have looking into Louis and Harry compiling together evidence.

It might take a weekend to watch the ILYSM and pterodactyl bros videos and a few more hours looking into some Niall blogs, which isn’t much compared to the hours I know they’ve spent looking into Larry. At least then they’ll have enough information to form an opinion on things.

I wonder, for some, what would happen if Larry didn’t come out, or didn’t come out first, or one of the other boys was outed against their will. Because… I don’t know. It seems like some would rather just be proven right at this point.

I get it. We’re tired. Its been eleven long years. But this isn’t a television show were everything can come to a head with a s3 or s4 cliff hanger and fixed in the series finale. Its real life, and they started off as boys trusting industry veterans who never had their best interests at heart.

Iduno. I just want some Larries ™ to take a step out of the echo chamber, realize life isn’t The Larry Show & co. And especially. ESPECIALLY, that every instance were someone, friends, family, co-works, industry peeps etc support the boys they are SUPPORTING THE BOYS, NOT THE FANDOM. They are not “confirming Larry for the fans” they’re doing it to support the couple, not to cater to the fandom. Please stop confusing the two. There’s a huge fucking difference. Learn it.

[yamithediaperdork]

Crime and Punishment: Jail Bird Diaries (MHA)

Crime and Punishment: Jail bird diaries

*The following is the entries from a diary recovered from the cell of one Katsuki Bakugo after serving his time in the regression jail. certain entry's have been removed as the writing was unable to be made out.*

Week 2, Day 1

So after a fucking week in this stupid fucking hell hole they dare to call a good idea, It's been suggested to me by the stupid AI I have to refer as daddy that I might calm myself down and stop adding time to my stupid fucking sentence if I vent in this stupid fucking book. I pointed out I can barley hold this stupid fucking crayon with the mittens i have to wear but a hand just came out of the wall and patted my head, telling me I'm a clever boy and I'll figure it out. I would of added anther two months onto my sentence right then and there if it wasn't for these fucking glove, even if Maybe kinda sorta..the head pat felt nice. ANYWAYS! to any assholes reading this, expect lots of fucking cursing because daddy said I can swear all i want in here and I have a back flow I need to get out. I mean with all the stupid fucking bull shit I have to put up wi- And fuck me, shitting myself again. fuck this place sucks.

Week 2, Day 2

You just know it's gonna be a shit fucking day Diary when you wake up to the feeling of having a uber load in the seat of your pants patted and rubbed and being praised for being a super good pooper. I'm already not a fan of the super bulky diapers these bastard keep me in but 'daddy' has apparently registered me as a super pooper and states anything thing less wouldn't hold up to my boom booms. refer to my statement about earning more time in here from the last entry for my feelings on THAT! I had figured with the massive bulk of these things at least I wouldn't have to worry about any cutesy outfits save for some t-shirt but since apparently I pissed off god, guess fucking what? No really, Guess. If you guessed they went and adjusted some of the sleepers that all the other big babies in here sleep in to fit over my massive diaper ass then ding ding ding! winner winner chicken dinner. Picture me, a man known as a murder god..and in a blue full body fuzzy care bear style with a white tummy and 'har har' the grumpy bear symbol on the belly. Fucking thing even has a hood! I swear if it wasn't for the fact the thing was soooo soft and kinda comfy, I would of found a way to rip it off. and I don't care WHAT daddy claims, I only dropped right off to sleep in it because he drugged my milk, not because I felt warm and safe. Fuck this place!! I never thought I'd be semi ok with the stupid paw patrol t-shirt and my giga diapers on display.. anyways wrapping this up, apparently I'm having more fucking visitors today. fucking yay..

Week 2, Day 3

Oh my fucking god. yesterday would just NOT fucking stop. apparently it was some sort of official visitors day or some bull shit like that. 4 fucking visitors and three of them not fucking Deku who's trying to make it a point to show up every day as support. first up was mister shock and awe himself Denki. He just couldn't get that stupid grin off his face and kept gushing about how cute I was and how much he wished he could of came in and given me butt pats. I was about ready to snarl that he couldn't when a couple of daddies arms came and took a firm hold on me to keep me from bolting and then the cell door opened up. "Come on in! Katsuki can use all the butt pats he can get. I know he'll act like he hates them but all little guys like him love them." Daddy said. Like, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK! So in from that stupid blond and the door shuts and daddy tells me to turn around and present my rump for pats. Like I was gonna fucking listen to THAT and turned around to tell the speaker box his voice comes from as much and well.. Ok You see my mistake? I swear I was turning to tell daddy off but according to him and Denki I turned around like a good little boy eager for my bum pats and before I could get a god damn word out that's what was happening. talk about major fucking blushing going on and gah, not proud to say this but without a second thought i spread my legs a little so that he could get a better pat going on and it MIGHTA of sorta felt nice for all of 0.0000001 seconds! Daddy and Denki are lying sacks of shit when they say i coo'ed! Basically spent the rest of Denki's visit after that over his lap, getting butt pats and back rubs and being told just how cute I am and how much he prefers me like this. if it wasn't for the fact punching a visitor would of netted me a extra year I woulda slugged him. that the only reason i went along with it..

after a hour he left and Daddy was praising me for being a super good boy and rewarded me with chocolate milk in a bottle instead of the normal formula and put some power rangers instead of paw patrol on TV.  I mighta zoned out holding my bottle with both hands cuz of the mittens and chugging and watching that I didn't notice my next guest till I heard the giggle. whipping my head around and giving me one hell of a neck ache thats still kinda here, I saw what looked like a school girls outfit standing up on it's own and knew it was Tooru. "oh my gosh don't stop because of me! that was sooo cute! I wish they hadn't of taken away my cell phone i would of taken the cutest video!" she gushed and clapped. I held up both hands and because of the mittens she thought I was showing I wanted uppies but I think you know what i was really doing Diary. Of course daddy let her in too and she kept giving me heads and patting my head and asking daddy all sorts of questions about my treatment and like.. ugh. I felt like a toddler getting hugs and attention but ignored while the adults talked. she tugged me onto her lap and kept rocking me and tickling my tummy and it took me awhile to figure out what she was trying to do, she was trying to make me crap myself during her visiting time! well she left half disappointed because even though i was cramping, all i did was wet my diapers so I'll count it as a win. ...that said about 10 seconds after she left I was squatting and totally loading these stupid diapers to the brim.

Thankfully for what tiny bit of pride I've managed to hold onto, while my diaper change took what fucking seemed like forever, I was re-diapered and daddy was in the process of tossing the stinky one when my next guest arrive. because I'm Mr. fucking popular. It was Deku of course and because he's been here so often he's got a special pass that just lets him come in. He was in the middle of saying hi when his nose wrinkled and then he covered it and coughed a little . "oh, somebody just had a diapie change I uh..smell." he said sheepishly. "Oh yeah, little guy is living up to his label as a super pooper." Daddy said. "oh my god freaking stop calling me that!" I whined and uh..Maybe didn't help with trying to give off a big boy image because I was still on the changing table and grabbed a stuffed bear and put it over my face. "oh my gosh, CUTE!" Deku squealed and daddy was laughing. Like..fuck. it's bad enough when the shit they're making me do gets that reaction..then i fucking set myself up for it. getting off of the changing Table me and Deku did our normal catch up and I once again begged him to try and get the other kids in 1-a to stop coming here, telling him about Denki and Tooru. the green haired bastard just told me everyone missed me and wanted to make sure I was doing ok and not to be such a grumpy Gus. I swear I almost took the extra year right then and there. Instead I switched the convo to talking about what was going on at school and what I had missed and yeah.. it was kinda nice catching up a little bit. I hadn't dared asked till now worried it might just trigger a fit that was going to add time on you know? and Deku was nice, not rubbing it in or at least trying not to that they were going on bigger and more exciting field trips and shadowing full on heroes this week. I think it helped that while we talked I started to color in one of the coloring books Daddy provided and Deku joined in, though his picture was colored in a lot better then mine cuz well he has full use of his hands. As his time ran out and it was time for him to go, Deku made me blush like crazy when he asked if he could have the picture I colored to hang up on his wall and asked if I'd color more pretty pictures for him. being at a lost of words, I just nodded my head.

After Deku left daddy said it was time for a quick lunch and then a nap, I was clearly worn out and had one more person to go. I just sighed and went along with it because it's not like I would of really had a say in it anyways. again apparently my behavior for the day was having a effect on my dining choice because while I was put in the same high chair I normally was, instead of yucky baby food I got some cut up chicken nuggets and fries. I wonder how good I'll have to be to score a medium rare steak? anyways, after lunch and a burping I was put down for a nap and woke up to the sound of the door to my nursery prison. I was still groggy and stuff so when I rolled over and looked up to see the face of my mother, i just thought I was dreaming for a second and gave a tiny giggle and ugghhh.. say "hi Mommy." it wasn't till she broke out laughing I realized she was really there. She was..very amused to say the least and told me she had canceled the cruise she was on and flew back home as soon as she could when she'd found out the news. she mentioned that she had been made aware that there WAS a option to give me a form of parole in that I could go and move back in with her for the term of my sentence and she could let me get away with just pull ups and she had been thinking about exercising it..Until she fucking saw me in here and saw how 'natural' I looked like a big baby! I'm...I'm not proud to say I mighta of broken down bawling and begging her to let me come home with her, and ugh.. as I got more hysterical I ended up promising to be the bestest little boy ever. Mom just hushed me and picked me out of the crib I'd been in and hugged me to her chest, patting my squishy bottom (Hey, all the milk i had before going night night, you'd of wet yourself too!) I realize i never covered this before but i had been put down for my nap in just my diapers so there's THAT fun mental picture of me in my booties and mitts and soggy huggies and Mom cuddling me and trying to calm me down. I was bawling and hiccuping when she popped a paci in my mouth and sat down on a rocking chair that daddy provided and with me curled up in her lap rocked back and forth talking about how I had just proven this place was doing wonders for me and then started to ask daddy questions about where to get supplies. curled up close to mommy and hearing her heartbeat.. I..Fell back asleep.

Thankfully no ones coming today, not even Deku since he's busy..I just don't know if I could handle it after yesterday. and yeah, the rest of the day after I fell asleep in mom's lap was just a blur. fuck.. I need to get out of here.

Week 2, Day 6

Know I ignored you for a bit there kinda Diary, I went to write in you but just came out all mixed up and crossed it out. I've mostly docile since Mom's visit and uh..kinda sorta.. I dunno. Kinda wish Deku would come by. I know he's got that big shadowing All might thing going on but..Fuck. I dunno. Daddy keeps going on about me almost hitting a critical point in the program and I don't know about that..I just..I almost wish mom HADN'T of told me about how i could of been at home you know? I was struggling with this before finding that out. I'm spending the day in my sleeper t'day, I just wanna feel all..I don't fucking know.. small and safe? and that helps with it and daddy was more then understanding when I asked to. It just has to come off when I'm eating and stuff and well, semi gone back to the baby food but still getting milk milk. and the baby food is a yummy flavor at least. I dunno Diary, I think thats it for today. Katsuki out.

Week 3, Day 5

Man, looking back on the past couple of entries I did between here and last week and even I can't make out what the heck I wrote. guess a semi recap is in order. Midoriya ended up visiting me during supper on day six of last week and asked if I had any more pretty pictures for him. I hadn't thought I'd actually done any but I guess in the semi daze I'd been in I had and daddy brought them out for him. I told him about mommy visiting and he was really sympathetic and agrees that she shouldn't of told me about the possible parole if I wasn't gonna get it, He had known but well.. knowing my mom like he does had already figured out what she'd picked. He just didn't wanna get my hopes up. Daddy let him take over feeding me and I dunno..it was kinda nice and stuff. we watched a bit of TV after till I started farting lots and Midoriya tactfully left before I ended up going poopies in front of him saying he knew I was in a fragile place and promised to visit the next day. Day 7 was basically the normal same old same old, got out of my sleeper, breakfast and a diaper change then playing with my toys and watching tv till Midoriya showed up. He joined in on a awesome game of Teddies VS Building blocks and I was uh.. kinda giggling like a real little guy and sooo relaxed that I didn't notice something till he brought it up, wrinkling his nose. "Katsuki, did you go poo poo?" He asked. Well, of course I said no because I hadn't felt myself go but then I got a whiff of myself and god, that was sooo embarrassing!! Midoriya ended his visit early as he knows I hate being watched during a change, but told me how much of a good boy I was and that made me blush and smile. After he left and I was all nice and clean from the poopie diaper daddy didn't dress me though, it was time for a bath and a section of the wall opened up and I was led to a fair sized tub and allowed to get in myself. Daddy got me all washed up as the tub filled up and even trusted me without my booties and mittens, though with the wall having sealed up behind me there wasn't really anywhere I could run to. with me all squeaky clean he let me play in the tub for a while as there were some toy boats and a few sea monsters and it was wayyy more relaxing then the quick showers I'm used to. finally when i was all pruney daddy drained the tub and dried me off with a nice fluffy towel and got me redressed though I was mayyybe a little more relaxed then I thought from the tub cuz I took my nap early, and ended up missing a visit from Ojiro. (Daddy said the only reason he'd interrupted my other nap was cuz well, Mom is my real mom.) Is it weird I felt bad he came ALL the way here to see me and couldn't because I was a sleepy little guy? I dunno. Man.. this place is getting to me ya know? basically lather rinse repeat for the next couple of days, being fed, playing with toys, watching cartoons, and filling my diapers. getting to see Midoriya and hand out and yeahh. Yesterday Ojiro tried again and this time I was awake and heh.. he was really nice about it and told me he forgave me already when i whined out a sorry for being asleep the last time. in his own words he really should of called ahead since little guys like me are prone to impromptu naps. After that we played blocks for a little while and he just kept smiling so much and squirming about till daddy asked if he needed to use the potty. Ojiro blushed uber bad which in turn made me giggle like crazy and said no, but took off shortly after. I wonder what was up with him? I tried to ask daddy but he just patted my head and told me to color a picture for Midoriya, so I guess I'll ask him when he comes over today.

Week 3 Day 7

Midoriya just laughed when i asked him my question  and still won't answer it, even after i threatened NOT to make him any more pretty pictures. Daddy and him both found my threat to be funny and cute though so I guess that's good. Denki came to see me again and was all about patting my butt again and playing peek a boo with me.. which Ok. was fun for like a little bit buttt he reallly carried it on for too long but when i said I was getting bored we swapped over to playing with stuffies till his time was up. Well ok, I played with them and told him what was going on and he just smiled and told me how creative I was and made me grin like a dork. I asked HIM about Ojiro's odd behavior before he left and he got a BIG grin on his face and said he'd be back for more details and then daddy scolded me about not sticking in other peoples affairs. I'm so confused. The next day Midoriya was here and something reallly 'brassing happened.. I had gone boom boom once again and He was going to leave..but daddy asked him if he wanted to help change me!!! I don't know who was blushing more, me or him! In any case, after Midoriya helped cleaned my butt up and daddy re-diapered me, He took off all squirmy and blushing and daddy joked about me having a effect on all the boys.. whatever THAT'S suppose to mean. Mommy is coming by later today and I hope I don't spend her whole visit sobbing again like a crybaby.. though daddy said it's ok if I do cuz it's a big part of my rehab.

Week 4 Day 1

Sooo..who's got two thumbs and ended up crying himself to a early bedtime in mommies arms yesterday? THIS guy. she came in as I was having supper and technically it was too late for her to be there but they made a exception. I was already kinda.. whinny.. when it looked like she wasn't going to show but then daddy said she could only be there for half a hour. Mommy explained that she got stuck waiting on a delivery of things she's going to need for me in the future and took over feeding me the rest of my supper while I whined and huffed that I had waited allll day on her. It wasn't till after she had given me my ba-ba in her lap and burped me I thought to ask what she had ordered. She just smiled and told me not to worry about it and to be a good little boy and kissed my forehead and I.. I totally fudged my huggies, in mommies lap. Cue meltdown and I don't even really know why..it's not like I haven't been pooping my pants for awhile now right? I don't know whether it was because I was being held, or who was holding me, or just her reaction as i did it that got to me. "Oh! Somebodies making mommy a present!" with utter delight in her voice and patting my bottom as i kept filling my pampers to the brim. I just..I just started to bawl and sob and buried my face in her shoulder and no matter how much Mommy and daddy told me it was all ok, I couldn't stop. I don't even remember going to sleep or getting a diapie change..I just woke up this morning in my crib in a soggy diaper (Yeah I've become a bed wetter, so what!) and yeahhh.. Daddy says he'll tell me who changed me, him or her when he thinks I can hear it without bawling.

Week 5 Day 5

After holding up for journal for daddy to read, he told me I need to start taking time to calm down and focus before writing, my last couple of entries were all scribbles again. he told it was very cute and brave of me to wanna share it with him though and gave me lots of awesome head pats. I guess since i didn't make sense when i originally gushed about it, i should go back over it. Just shortly after the thing with pooping my pampers in mommies lap, i just started to really like head pats and daddy took notice and has been showering me with them. just makes me all giddy and I've started to lean into them. Midoriya noticed the love of 'em took and started to give'em out! Jirou came by with Asui and it was while I was watching some Micky mouse club house and singing along. I had just went "OH TOODLES!" and heard giggles and clapping and well blushed a bit..but daddies been trying to help me embrace what a little guy I am so I forced a smile then blew a raspberry at them. told'em if they wanted to come in and visit they could, but they had to join in and help Micky out. they giggled but agreed and well for a couple of stinky girls they weren't half bad to hang out with.

They weren't as fun to hang out as Mommy when she came and visited, though I said sorry a BUNCH of times for my fit she just gave me head and butt pats and told me it was all ok. She's been twice since the stinky break down and I've managed NOT to bawl both times for the most part. I mean..i get a little teary when she has to go buttt i get it. wish she could visit more but between work and setting my room up she's been a busy bee. I asked about why she'd hafa set my room up since I always figured after this I'll be going right back to school but she just chuckled and took out the action figures she'd brought from home for me and her to play hero's and villains with. (I mean, don't get me wrong, LOVE the stuffies I have in here, and Midoriya, Denki, Kouda and Tenya have gotten me others..but action figures are sooo much easier to have do cool stuff.) Oh guess i forgot to mention a bunch of boys showed up, Kouda, Tenya, Satou, Eijirou, and ughhh.. Mineta. They showed up as a group with some presents and while 4 of them were all cool and nice.. well, one guess who was a little butt? he actually got me so worked up with his teasing I swore for the first time in ages and daddy had to wash my mouth out but he also banned him from coming back. Back to playing with mommy, it was super fun, she was the evil baddies trying to attack the peaceful stuffie village and I was the heroes saying the day and giggling as i was in just a t-shirt and my uber diapies.  there was slight almost crying moment though while playing with mommy.. I went to lean forward to grab a action figure and just with like.. NO control blorted. It was loud and stinky and I guess I had the cutest look on my face. Maybe asked if I wasn't to stop playing while i finished or keep going and well..I didn't want her to be bored just sitting there watching me go blort. (Blort is a nick name for going poopie I picked up from Ojiro when he visited again, though his butt looked all puffed out and he seemed wayyy more into hugging stuffies then me. eh, go figure) Anyways, we finished up the game and I have having so much fun I MIGHTA pretended I was still blorting even after it was all out so we didn't have to pause again. I know I know, that meant sitting in my own poopie for awhile when I didn't hafa but I'm not really worried about a diaper rash or anything, they use like the best creams and powders here, and well I maybe kinda sorta like the squishy feeling.. though when i told daddy he said that's just because I haven't been able to make a big boy mess in awhile. I'm shocked my hair didn't ignite i was blushing so bad when he said that. Before you even ask diary, I waited till it was just me and daddy ta mention that.. though he hinted mommy had known I was done. He said maybe tomorrow if I'm super duper good today I can get a milking which confused me at first since I don't have boobies.  thennn he explained it out and um yeah.. lots of blushies and gonna try and be on my bestest behavior.

Week 9, Day 3

Sowwy been 'noring you. dis too busy hasing fun wiff everyone. daddy said it's otay though and told me to make at least one last entry in ya. Ummm otay. Sooo Turns out dat Ojiro and Denki are now all dating and kissy face and and Denki was a wanna be daddy dom and the reason Ojiro got all squirmy and silly? he was all jelly of me and my kick butt nursery! Apparently he was gonna -GIGGLE- try and git locked up in here so he could be babied and Denki just spanked his butt RED and pampered him. He's a super good at going blort too, and when they visit we have blort offs. (Score 4-3 in mah favor) Let's see...what else....Oh! Midoriya went and got a part time job as a daycare worker and 'ppently it's at a speical daycare where big babies like Ojiro n me can go, once I get out. kinda silly since i'm gonna be a uber big boy n stuff when i git out butttt daddy is always telling me to be polite sooo i nodded. He's been helping out wiff my diapie changes when he's here and even put in a few volunteer hours here to help out. (Such a good guy!) Mommies been by A LOT more latly too and can't stop gushing bout the appent change in my attuide. she's been bringing in and taking home my action figures cuz her and daddy agreed those are toys for use only under special supervision and I kinda ended up admitting to her I like sitting in my poopies now, at least for like.. umm.. 10 minutes. She just laughed and said noted and that it worked out with one of the additions she put on my room.. whatever dat means. She still wont tell me what she's done or why I'll be going wiff her when I get out, but eh, asking too many questions is a good way to lose a milking and the way daddy does'em.. dun what dat. Ummm I fink dat's everything Diary..fanks fer helping me get though the first bit of life here n being a friend! Daddy asked me to leave you here wiff him when I get out, but he'll print a copy for me and mommy.

After half a year in baby Jail, It was a fair different Katsuki who stepped out then had gone in. and that wasn't just referring to his change in attire. His quirk had more or less been nullified over the course of his treatment via special drugs in his drinks and food though it would return if he weaned himself off of said drug. Katsuki for his part didn't seem to mind since it got him out of his baby mitts and let him use his fingers for fun stuff like finger painting. (though even the daddy AI had learned it was best to strip him to just a diaper when he was painting, the little guy liked to draw on himself and had a massive fit when daddy had washed a turtle he'd drawn on his tummy off before he could show Midoriya.) He didn't even seem to mind that he'd been released in his now familiar bulky diaper and one of his many baby tops, wearing a pair of Winnie pooh socks and sneakers and holding onto his mom's hand as he was checked out. The warden smiled and waved bye bye to him as he was signed out and Katsuki semi hide behind his mom but waved bye back and then they were heading home.

"so Um..Mommmmmy?" Katsuki asked, sitting in the back seat of mommy's car, buckled into a customized car seat just for his puffy diaper butt. "whatttty?" She asked, looking back at him via the rear view mirror and smirking. "Can you tell's me now why we're going back home and not ta school? Like..is it so I can get's my big boy clothes on?" he asked, kicking his legs ideally. "welll you've missed most of the school year as is, there's no way you'll be able to catch up. so it's been agreed that you'll just take the rest of the year off and stay with me. and Besides, you need to re-potty train buddy." his mom pointed out. "...no i don't. I can hold it." Katsuki huffed, blushing and hugging one of the stuffies he'd been able to take with him and holding it to his chest. "Katsuki..what don't good little boys do?" She asked him. "...Lie." he huffed and looked down. "and what was that you just did?" "..Lied Mommy..I sowwy.." Katsuki said and he just looked SO sad and had tears welling up. "It's ok sweetie. Mommy isn't mad. but you need to tell the truth so you can have lots and lots of head pats ok?" she said quickly. "O-Ok..I..I guess..Maybe i kinda don't have pee control anymore..but I mostly know when i hasa blort." Katsuki said. "Mhhhmmm..well we'll be keeping you in your diapies for awhile and working you back up to be kid undies for the fall unless you decide you like being mommies little guy." "pffft, wike I'll PICK ta stay like this.." he huffed and squirmed. "Well if you do..a lot of what mommies been doing while you've been in there is baby proofing the apartment and turning your room into a nursery like the one you've been in, just no daddy though." "I..wait..wut?" Katsuki asked, and squirmed. "Yup, a changing table, a crib..I got you a high chair and got a baby bouncer for you because daddy told me it's your favorite way to make big boy messes after you've blorted." She giggled. Katsuki was squirming BIG time now in the back seat, and ended up popping his paci into his mouth and sucking on it big time and hugging his stuffie to his face. "oh it's ok sweetie. Mommy knows a growing boy like you has your needs. Just make sure to get mommies help if you wanna go bouncy bouncy ok?" She asked. The poor red faced boy couldn't speak, just suckled and nodded lots. the old Katsuki would of had a bitching fit and blown his way out of the car and stormed off..but Baby Katsuki just realized maybe just because he was out of baby jail..didn't mean he wasn't still a baby. 'I'm not a jail bird anymore..this is gonna be a longggggg summer..' He thought and then sucking on his paci and the noise of the car and vibration of it, drifted off to sleep like the big baby he was.

The end