#I’ll try to get some writing done if my brain switches on again anytime soon

[koiotic]

Hey yall, I’m taking a little break at the moment. I honestly don’t know when I’ll be back, but I promise I will be. This blog’s queue is empty rn, so there probably won’t be anything posted until I come back or put up any updates, but I’ll still check asks and messages every now and then; I’ll do my best to respond but I can’t promise anything

It’s nothing too bad, im just burned out and a bit stressed, so hopefully I’ll be back as soon as im feeling a bit better. Thanks to everyone for being here/sticking around!

[avatarmerida]

Walking Home

This is inspired by @buggachat’s Bakery AU. I hope this is okay because I love this idea so much and I loved the winery arc. I wrote this assuming Adrien also lives at the bakery, though I don’t know.

——————————————————————————

“Okay no, no first of all they did NOT kick us out because I spilled. But IF did they did then that’s your fault!” Marinette exclaimed as the four of them left the restaurant.

“I didn’t mean that time,” clarified a bubbly Adrien as he ran ahead. “I meant when you kept turning the glasses into microphones and trying to get everyone to sing when they were still pretty full.”

“No! No! No!” she insisted, running up to him and giving him a gently tap on shoulder. “It was because you kept making chicken noises and they were awful!”

“They were amazing.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever heard a chicken,” she said smugly as she attempted to suppress her laughter at the memory. “It was so high pitched.”

“Bawk bawk bawk,” said Adrien quietly. Seeing Marinette suppress more laughter, he kept going and got louder. She couldn’t stand still, the laughter causing her to bend in half unable to catch her breath. Making her laugh was somehow so addicting and so he kept doing the awful chicken noise, getting higher and louder and faster. Passerbys gave them strange looks and rolled their eyes. Alya couldn’t help but smile at the thought that everyone who saw them must assume they were lifelong friends. Maybe even more than that.

“Oh wow I didn’t realize how late it was,” announced Alya, pretending to check her phone. She was fairly certain the two forgot her and Nino were there. “Ugh, I’ve got an interview scheduled for the blog at 8am.”

“Yeah and I’ve got to wake her up otherwise she’ll never get there on time,” added Nino with a laugh, catching on quickly. Adrien and Marinette snapped out of their bubble, seeing suddenly how ridiculous they must seem.

“We should do this again soon though,” said Alya. “All of us,” she added, looking at Adrien.

“Yeah, this was fun,” said Marinette, sneaking a glance at Adrien (though he didn’t notice) before turning back to Alya. “Are you okay to get home?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna grab a taxi,” said Alya. “What about you two? Are you okay? You didn’t switch to water when Nino and I did.”

“That was water? I thought you guys just switched to white wine,” asked Adrien. Nino chuckled and handed Adrien his phone so the two could make plans to hang out later in the week.

While the boys talked, Alya pullled Marinette into a hug to supposedly say goodbye.

“No girl, for real are you okay to get home? We can drop you off,” she whispered.

“No it’s okay you guys live the opposite way and you need to get up early,” whispered Marinette back. “The bakery isn’t that far and It’s not like I’m walking alone.”

“Exactly,” said Alya, pulling away but making sure the boys were too distracted by their conversation to hear theirs. “I know tonight was fun but you didn’t start the day being Adrien’s biggest fan. You’re okay walking home with him?”

“Yes Alya I’m fine,” she hiccuped. “I’m not even that drunk.”

“Marinette!” Adrien called suddenly, very excited. “Can we make pizza at the bakery?!”

“Oh my god pizzaaaaaa!” She exclaimed far too loudly, throwing her hands in the air. “Yes, yes let’s go! Bye Alya!”

She ran ahead and Adrien excitedly and instinctively followed her, the two a collection of giggle and hiccups stumbling between the street lights.

“Text me when you get home!” Alya called after the pair. They were quite a sight. She couldn’t help but smile at the fact that this morning Marinette couldn’t say his name without grimacing and now they were rushing off into the night. She wondered how Marinette would feel about the blonde boy tomorrow.

“Pizza, pizza, pizza!” The two exclaimed as they trudged down the sidewalk.

“Okay I know we have dough and cheese I don’t know if we have any pizza sauce,” said Marinette raking her brain. “Do we want toppings? Because I think we just have sprinkles, maybe we-ahhh!” Suddenly the ground came rushing at her, but before she had time to process what was happening she was stopped inches from the pavement. She looked up and saw Adrien had caught her in the knick of time. His hands were on her waist as if he was dipping her in a some eleaborate dance. The streetlight above him reflected on his golden hair like a halo.

He really was a good model, she couldn’t help but think as she found herself drawn to his light like an innocent moth.

“Sorry,” he said realizing the position they were in. “Force of habit, I guess. I didn’t mean, I mean I-.”

“Don’t apologize,” she breathed, not attempting to remove herself from his grip. “You’ve just got like catlike reflexes.”

“Yeah, I maybe??” He laughed. He couldn’t even explain her own pun to her as he pulled her to her feet. “Hehe, uh sorry if I distracted you again.”

“No, no it’s my own fault, I’m extra clumsy when I’m drunk,” she explained, bashful suddenly for some reason. “I’m a regular public menace. But thanks for not letting me fall on my face.”

He smiled. “Anytime,” he stood up straight and offered her his arm. “To ensure you don’t fall again,” he explained.

The logic of his reasoning negated any objections her former view of him held at the ready. He didn’t have to be kind to her when it was just them, and this must be why she held onto his arm so firmly and allowed herself to be so close as they walked. She suddenly felt guilty for her ulterior motives in inviting him out. The skeptic in her wanted to point out that maybe he was faking being drunk, or was so well versed at deception that alcohol had no affect on his ability to lie. But a larger part of her just wanted to rest her head on his shoulder as he led her home, contently listening to him ramble.

“Okay but why isn’t pizza a pastry?” he continued. “Like a lot of baked goods have cheese, they all have dough. Is it the sauce? But donuts have filling and the tomato is a fruit, I think-?”

“Maybe pizza can be your menu speciality,” she murmured, following the voice that told her to rest her head. “But you can give it a fun name and make it look different so they won’t know it’s pizza until they taste it. You’d think of a good name, you’re funny.”

“I’m funny?” he asked, genuinely surprised and flattered.

“I’m drunk, who knows what I’m saying,” she joked. “I’ll deny it but yes you are funny. I like when you write puns on the specials board.”

“Really?” He chuckled. “I didn’t think you’d be a fan of bad puns.”

“I’ve heard worse,” she murmured, her mouth moving faster than her mind. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“Like what?” he tried, trying to careful in this new territory, but fighting his catlike curiosity . “Are you a secret comedian?”

“No, no but I was in love with a boy who made puns a lot,” she said quietly, almost just to herself. “It seems so silly but now whenever I hear a good one I write it down so I don’t forget. So I can tell it to him. But I’m never gonna see him again. That’s so stupid isn’t it?”

He saw tears forming in her eyes. “I think it’s sweet,” he said. “Is he someone you meet in New York? On your internship?”

She stopped, her mind had brought up another similarly between him and Chat Noir and that was extra confusing right now. But she hadn’t had anyone to talk to about Chat and it felt nice to share something about him aloud. She had to tread carefully though.

“I’m sorry if you don’t wanna talk about it,” said Adrien before she could find the words. “It’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” he continued, gently removing his arm from her. “You’ve already done so much for me, helping me at the bakery, letting me into your home, inviting me out tonight . You’re a very kind person Marinette and I’ve invaded so much of your space already, I shouldn’t be invading your privacy.”

“No, Adrien please it is okay,” she insisted. “I brought it up. And I... I’ve never brought it up to anyone before, to be honest. And it must be because... I like talking to you. Because-.”

“-of the wine?” He offered.

“-because we’re friends,” she finished, looking up at him with soft, truthful eyes.

“I think it is the wine,” he joked, only half certain.

“Here, I’ll prove it,” she said, keeping her purse and rummaging through its contents. Finally she found what she was searching for. “Here,” she said, placing something in his hand.

“What is this?”

“My lucky charm,” she said proudly, as he opened his hand to reveal a simple keychain composed of colorful beads. “I made it during my internship, it helped me when I had deadlines or a creativity block. I take it everywhere.”

“And you’re giving this to me?”

“Well I still plan on needing it and having it close by, so I wouldn’t just entrust it to someone I don’t want in my space would I? It’s probably not as flashy as the friendship bracelets Chloe made you but-.”

She was cut off as Adrien pulled her into a tight embrace. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

She hesitated, but returned the gesture. “You’re welcome,” she said as the two stood in the middle of the sidewalk, embracing for probably a little too long. “Adrien, since we’re friends, I think I should be honest with you.”

He pulled back to face her, his face still holding a smile despite her dismal tone. “What is it?”

“Today, when I invited you...” she began, her pride almost too big a pill to swallow. “Well, I had ulterior motives for inviting you.”

“Really?”

“I thought, oh god I’m so embarrassed,” she pushed through. “I though you had ... a secret.”

“A secret?”

“Yes,” she buried her face in her hands, utterly embarrassed. “Ugh, and I thought it you got drunk enough you would blurt it out. And that’s so awful of me and I know it’s dishonest, but I promise you it’s not like that anymore. I was paranoid, I guess. I don’t know. But I’m so sorry. really do enjoy spending time with you-.”

“What kind of secret?”

“Huh?” She said, surprised he wasn’t mad. “Oh, i-it doesn’t matter. It was still wrong of me.”

“Well why couldn’t you ask me about it before?”

“I didn’t have any sort of proof,” she admitted. “Only a hunch.”

“Why?” He asked. He wasn’t mad but she couldn’t place his tone. People must have accused him of this before. She knew now he wasn’t his father, he was more than whatever his past held, and he didn’t deserve another faker. She knew he’d ask what she suspected and it would ruin everything but maybe she could make it less awful if she kept apologizing?

“Nothing major, just because of how you acted around me-.”

“I see.”

“-but I know now I was completely wrong,” she quickly went on. “Getting to know you tonight and spending more time with you at the bakery, I know I was wrong.”

“Oh,” was that all he could say? Oh?!

“Because you’re just so nice!” She went on, her drunk brain turning to rambling. “You’re actually a really great guy, and you’re just quiet at first, you’re ... a friend...”

“Just a friend?” He asked, the word holding his attention tight.

“Yes,” she said, hoping he was considering accepting her apology. “And I- oh darn it.” Suddenly, a raindrop fell onto Marinette’s cheek. Then another. Without warning the sky began to pour, and the pair sought shelter. Adrien took off his jacket and placed it over Marinette’s head to attempt and shield her from the rain, a fruitless attempt as the jacket immediately became soaked and heavy and helpful to no one.

As they made their way through the waterfall that claimed the sidewalk, an abandoned umbrella leaning against a building caught Adrien’s eye. He swooped in to grab and quickly opened it over Marinette’s head. “Ugh, I can’t see,” she cried, the rain causing her eye makeup to run and sting her eyes. She wiped it away, only to smudge it and give cover her face with a charcoal color. Adrien laughed.

“Mademoiselle Hamster, you look more like a raccoon now,” he wheezed. Before Marinette could offer a clever response, she saw the rain continued to fall on him as she was safely covered.

“You’re going to catch pneumonia,” she stated angrily.

“It’s not a very big umbrella,” he said, still laughing.

“Nonsense,” she said, yanking the umbrella handle to spin him in. “I’m not about to let you get sick and stick me with all the work at the bakery.”

But the umbrella was very small. And in order for them both to be covered, they had to stand very close together.

“Fine by me,” breathed Adrien, looking down at Marinette. She stood in front of him, her hands landing instinctively on his chest as if they were slow dancing. She was aware of this, but did not remove them. Her eyes went to the ground, not being about to handle the closeness with eye contact. In one hand Adrien held the umbrella, the other one slowly went to removed a strand of wet hair from her face. A bolt of lighting graced the sky.

“You were right you know,” he said quietly, the rain almost drowning him out.

“About what?”

“About my secret,” he said with a chuckle. “I thought I hid it well, but I guess I made it really obvious.”

“What?” Said Marinette, looking up at him is disbelief, her hands trembled. “No, no you’re still drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying. No, no I know now... after everything that happened it can’t be true.”

“Do you... not want it to be true?”

“I guess it doesn’t really matter what I want,” she admitted, bowing her head again. “Either it’s true or it’s not.”

“I promise you, it’s very true,” said Adrien, his voice softer than she had ever heard but somehow insanely familiar. He placed his free hand under her chin and lead her to meet his gaze.

“Wait, what did you think I-.”

“Marinette, I’m sorry that I couldn’t be more direct with you,” he began. “But I didn’t think I’d ever feel this way again since... you’re so amazing and I- I’m done keeping secrets; I do have feelings for you.”

“W-what kind of feelings?” she asked, a tiny portion of her intoxicated little mind convinced he was angry with her.

Adrien closed his eyes and leaned in close to her and his lips stopped mere inches from her own. Hesitating. Waiting. Silence. She looked at him, no streetlight caught his hair now but the shine remained. The glow was just him. He wasn’t a spy, he wasn’t a traitor, he wasn’t a villain. Her mind ran with things he was not until suddenly she realized what he was. Kind. Handsome. Funny. Charming. She had taken these things for granted before and thought they were lost and locked away forever. It was like they were reincarnated, her heart fluttered in an nearly forgotten familiar way as if to say she had been here before. As if to say this is exactly where she was meant to be.

Lighting crashed in the distance.

She chased the feeling and eliminated the space between them, drawn to him like he was magnetic. She could could blame it on the wine. She could blame it on the rain. She could blame it on the way his eyes were so gentle and vibrant at the same time like a lush green forest she wanted to explore until she was hopelessly lost. But she crashed into him like a she was a tidal wave, her arms wrapping around his neck as she pulled herself up to kiss him. He stepped back, surprised but pleased and tossed aside the umbrella in favor of having both his arms around her as he eagerly kissed her back. He lifted her off the ground, perhaps a little too overzealous, and the pair found themselves on the ground in the middle of a puddle. Only then did they break apart, like a dream they were rudely awakened from, and Marinette found herself laying on top of him.

Adrien looked at her, eyes wide and curious, awaiting a sign of how she felt. Even now, with her eyeliner smudged and her hair soaking wet, his heart skipped a beat in way it hadn’t done in years. What was she thinking? Should he say something? His mind raced with what to say next, he had imagined this confession thousands of times since he realized his feelings, but none of his scenarios went quite like this. He didn’t want to risk ruining anything, if there was even something to ruin. He played the last minute over and over in his head like a romantic film scene. He smiled a wide smile and if Marintee didn’t know any better, she could have sworn he was purring.

Marinette took that as her signal to lean forward, slower and more graceful than the first attempt and kissed him again. It was less rushed and more gentle, but also more certain. The umbrella was carried away by the wind, the two seemed to have forgotten about the rain or any storms between them.

The next day, Marinette awoke feeling sicker than she had ever felt in her life. Not only did she have a massive hangover, but being stuck in the rain had given her a terrible cold as well. Her body couldn’t decide which unpleasant feeling to focus on so she remained in bed, cursing the world.

“Hey girl,” came Alya’s voice from the doorway. “Heard you weren’t feeling too good.”

“Alya I’m dying,” moaned Marinette.

“Were you so busy dying that you couldn’t text me that you go home safely?” laughed Alya, removing the pillow from her face. “Omigosh you didn’t even wash your face last night. You really were trashed.”

“Ugh I don’t even remember it raining last night, but I woke up soaked,” complained Marinette.

“Wait, you don’t remember it raining?”

“No, after we said goodbye to you and Nino the night it a total blur.”

“Oh, does Adrien remember the rain?”

“I don’t know, we don’t talk,” Marinette reminded her, covering her head with a blanket. “I don’t know what I said to him on the walk home, but my throat is killing me so it feels like I was yelling.

“Wait, you don’t remember anything from the walk home?”

“No,” repeated Marinette. “Why? Did I drunk dial you or something?”

“Uh, no,” said Alya with a mischievous smile. “But when it started to rain I told the cab driver to drive by your place to see if you guys got caught in the rain and I’m so glad I did because I saw something very interesting.”

“What?”

Alya simply handed Marinette her phone and braced herself for the reaction she knew was coming. Marinettte had to do a double take at first. But there was no mistaking this was a picture of her. And Adrien. Kissing.

“WHAT?!” She exclaimed, giving herself a worse headache. “Ouch. Ugh, Alya please tell me this is photoshopped, this is a joke right?”

“Not this time, I am an eyewitness,” assured her friend. “I saw everything.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe he kissed me,”

“Well you shouldn’t because if you go back a little bit you see it’s clear as day who kissed whom,”

“What?” But it was true. She swiped back and forth and there was no arguing that she pulled him in, she reached up, she kissed him. Twice. “Oh no.”

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed,” said Alya taking back her phone. “If kissing a former model in the rain is the worst thing you’ve done after drinking, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t see why you don’t like him anyway, you two got along so well yesterday.”

“Oh no no no I just thought it was another dream!”panicked Marinette.

“Another?” Teased Alya. “So you often dream about kissing Adrien?”

Only when he’s working with his supervillain father “I’m never drinking again,” vowed Marinette, burying her head in her hands. “Please tell me no one else saw those photos.”

“Just me and Nino, but I’m keeping them for blackmail,” confirmed Alya as she headed for the door. “Or to show at your wedding.”

Marinette threw a pillow at the door, just missing her friend as she took her leave. What had gotten into her? Besides copious amounts of wine, that is. She prayed that Adrien’s memory of last night was even foggier than hers. She wished she had Tikki with her to talk her through this without any judgment but she just had her. And all she could do was panic.

“Hey, are you up?” Came a small voice accompanied by a knock on her door. “I just saw Alya leave and I wanted to check on you if that’s okay.”

It was Adrien. “Um yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess,” she replied. He didn’t come in, she didn’t invite him. He was still wary of her. That must be as good sign, right?

“A headache?” He chuckled knowingly. “I had one too. I made a smoothie and that kind of helped. I can bring you one. Or leave it in the kitchen for you.”

“Thanks,” she said awkwardly. Silence stood between them for what felt like hours.

“Listen, about last night,” Adrien said at last. Marinette braced herself for the worst.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to say thank you,” he said outside the door. “It meant a lot, you guys inviting me out. I had a lot of fun, well the parts I remember anyway.”

“Do you... remember walking home?”

“Hardly,” he admitted. “Apparently it rained?”

She laughed. “Go figure,” she said. She cousins sent he was right: she did enjoy the parts she remembered. “But um thank you too for helping me get home safely. You’re a good friend.”

The sound of the word made him blush, he was grateful she couldn’t see his face. “Anytime,” he said. “Feel better, I guess I’ll see you later?”

“See ya,” she said, as she heard him walk away from the door and flopped on her bed in relief. Crisis averted.

Adrien made his way down the stairs, Marinette’s keychain in hand. The moments of last night replayed in his head. It was blurry to him as well, but a few moments stood out to him. Mostly, the way she said ‘lucky charm’ and the way her smudged makeup resembled a mask.

[sagamemes]

the sheridan tapes  📼  part one.   here and under the cut, you can find a little under 120 lines of dialogue from the horror podcast the sheridan tapes, specifically from episodes one to three, edited for roleplay purposes.  tw: police, murder, supernatural elements, mentions of apocalyptic scenarios, near death experiences, injuries, vehicular crash, recreational drug and alcohol use.

❝  jesus, [name]. you’re not making this easy, are you?  ❞

❝  makes you wonder... do these things follow me because i chase them, or were they always following me?  ❞

❝  darkness and complete disorientation does a number on the human brain.  ❞

❝  i don't think he was a werewolf.  ❞

❝  i’d call it the customer service smile. you know, the one that says  ‘ thank you for shopping with us, please die now ’.  ❞

❝  i’ve found the more showy the text, the less impressive the actual phenomena.  ❞

❝  my job here is kind of… shaky at the moment.  ❞

❝  [name] was also engaged in the study of the impossible in his free time.  ❞

❝  so it’s just me who drives you up the wall then?  ❞

❝  well, you’ll be happy to hear i haven’t been having any fun. no weed, no ghosts.  ❞

❝  there hasn’t been a new lead on her case in more than half a year.  ❞

❝  so here i am, wrapped up in a blanket, staring at my little fireplace, so bored i actually decided to call my sister for once.  ❞

❝  it’s a little town near bandon. very little. nice little mini-market, and that’s about it.  ❞

❝  i doubt i’ll sleep much tonight. that’s okay. i just feel like looking at the stars for a while.  ❞

❝  it's probably for the best. i am simultaneously exhausted from the drive and absolutely wired from the coffee.  ❞

❝  i wonder if there will still be ghosts out there when that happens?  when the earth is gone?  ❞

❝  glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself, then.  ❞

❝  knowing doesn’t make things any easier, but it does make them a little less frightening.  ❞

❝  that’s all just a lazy way of saying that the real explanation is too difficult—or too horrible—for them to accept.  ❞

❝  it almost killed me, but in the end it settled for putting me in pt for a year while i figured out how to use my hands again.  ❞

❝  he muttered something about my time being up. or maybe he said it wasn’t up.  ❞

❝  i don’t really care that i didn’t get any writing done today.  ❞

❝  nothing. not a single idea worth writing down, no itch i needed to scratch or question i needed to answer.  ❞

❝  guess there really is no such thing as bad press.  ❞

❝  i have no idea what a writer’s  ‘ process ’  usually looks like, but i’m pretty sure it’s not this.  ❞

❝  see what i have to deal with?  god… siblings, am i right?  ❞

❝  what can i say?  i have a soft spot for gothic architecture.  ❞

❝  computers have never been very good at reconciling paradoxes.  ❞

❝  they’re pretty much over funding my little expeditions.  ❞

❝  that kind of smile doesn’t normally show that many teeth.  ❞

❝  you know, that’s only scary the first few times you do it.  ❞

❝  one day, it will be dead. one day all the stars will burn out, go dark and silent. one day, everything will be so dark and so cold that no new stars can ever be born. the old ones will blink out one by one, like candles going out, and then… nothing. silence. darkness. void.  ❞

❝  the simplest explanation is almost always the right one.  ❞

❝  i don’t remember getting in my van, putting the key in the ignition, or speeding away from that house, but i must have.  ❞

❝  no, no, i’m fine, i’m fine, just go bother someone else.  ❞

❝  i haven’t eaten, moved, or written anything all day.  ❞

❝  but maybe that's just the fact that it is two in the morning and my brain is running mostly on caffeine.  ❞

❝  given how good a [job] he is, i know it’s not the first time he’s done it.  ❞

❝  i escaped, but i knew that whatever was in that house has just marked me as prey.  ❞

❝  calm down. think. you’re just going to confuse yourself.  ❞

❝  just wanted to tell you a couple of us are headed out to marvin’s for drinks if you want to come.  ❞

❝  one of the most disappointing things about living in america is the lack of genuinely haunted houses. out of all the supposed haunts i’ve visited, maybe one in ten seems like the real deal.  ❞

❝  sounds… peaceful. not many distractions, then?  ❞

❝  something tells me this tape wasn’t played in court.  ❞

❝  one of the neighbours must have called 911.  ❞

❝  my infamous accident. it almost killed me.  ❞

❝  i just woke up to footsteps in the kitchen. i don’t know who, or what, but there’s someone in here with me!  ❞

❝  could you shut the door on your way out, please?  ❞

❝  uh, wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon.  ❞

❝  the fire that i said went out?  yeah, it just started burning again.  ❞

❝  so i asked him to lie.  ❞

❝  it'd really be just a few of us. maybe me and [name] and one or two other tagalongs…  ❞

❝  apparently, the press had a lot of questions too.  ❞

❝  i’ve driven more than 8 hours and drunk enough bad coffee to give an elephant heart palpitations. i’m sure as hell going to get my money’s worth.  ❞

❝  oh sorry, am i bothering you now? what happened to  ‘ call anytime you want, [name] ’ or,  ‘ you’re always welcome here, [name] ’ ?  ❞

❝  i’ve forgotten to charge my phone. again.  ❞

❝  i… think i’m going to turn around now.  ❞

❝  well sorry if i wanted to have a nice talk with my sister for a change.  ❞

❝  will it just be left there forever? our legacy? look upon our works, ye mighty, and despair?  ❞

❝  no matter how far away from home you are, no matter how different the constellations might look from where you’re standing, you can always look up on a clear, dark night and feel like you’re about to fall right into it—the terrifying, endless expanse of nothingness.  ❞

❝  i know authors can do some crazy things to get out of writer’s block, but i’ve never heard of one resorting to arson.  ❞

❝  why do you always think there’s something wrong?  ❞

❝  ours is not to question why, ours is but to digitize and stay the hell out of trouble.  ❞

❝  so let’s try walking backwards. just keep an eye on it.  ❞

❝  i got lucky. or maybe i was just fast enough to escape.  ❞

❝  maybe there are secret passages behind the walls and corridors.  ❞

❝  no matter how far i walked, i couldn’t find the way i came in.  ❞

❝  well, i /know/ i’ve had worst nights. i just can’t think of any right now.  ❞

❝  i do want you to have fun, [name], i just don’t want you to get yourself killed doing it.  ❞

❝  i mean, obviously, i do care, that’s the whole reason i made this trip. to get away from the noise and focus.  ❞

❝  i might have… forgotten to tell anyone where i was going.  ❞

❝  before i get started, there’s just one thing i need to say. i have absolutely no patience for the unexplained, or the things people call  ‘ unexplainable ’,  ‘ supernatural ’, or  ‘ paranormal ’.  ❞

❝  i told [name] that i needed to get out, to get inspired.  ❞

❝  okay, if someone is messing with me, they’re going to be very sorry, very quickly.  ❞

❝  [name] lied his ass off to save yours.  ❞

❝  a crash like that does funny things to your head.  ❞

❝  i still don’t know how he got there without me noticing.  ❞

❝  any plans i had to travel abroad went up in smoke.  ❞

❝  i thought of pulling out the bad cop routine.  ❞

❝  strange how something so dead can be so beautiful.  ❞

❝  it hated me:  hated what i do, and more than that, hated who i am.  ❞

❝  lots of tall tales. and more than a few ghost stories.  ❞

❝  oh good, you’re still here!  ❞

❝  reviewers absolutely grilled it:  said it was a nonsensical rip off of the dark tower, whatever that means.  ❞

❝  i jumped out the window. cut my hands on the glass, but thankfully not bad enough to need stitches  ❞

❝  i told her, tonight.  ❞

❝  for a minute, i wondered if that would really be so bad. it was a fitting way to go, given my… well, everything.  ❞

❝  i suppose that’s a universal constant—maybe the only one.  ❞

❝  i never let myself get this turned around. especially not at night.  ❞

❝  i don’t know if it’s actually haunted. but if not, then it was sure as hell convincing.  ❞

❝  i’m not one of those people who thinks she’s the spawn of satan or something ridiculous like that.  ❞

❝  unless i’m prepared to accept that she was murdered by something that crawled out of a funhouse mirror, this isn’t much help with the case, either.  ❞

❝  i have to try and work some actual cases the rest of the time. you know, cases that might have some answers i can find.  ❞

❝  it's cold, damp, and dark as night. i'm in my element, at least.  ❞

❝  your place is waiting for you.  ❞

❝  yeah, i’m all good. great… hanging in there, you know?  one day at a time.  ❞

❝  oh, i see you. you think i’m still scared of [thing], huh?  think you can freak me out?  ❞

❝  trust me, i’ve had a hell of a day, and you do not want to mess with a pissed off…  ❞

❝  and tell my sister i'm sorry.  ❞

❝  oh god, it's cold.  ❞

❝  the night sky really is beautiful out here.  ❞

❝  tell him he shouldn’t have been such a good liar.  ❞

❝  i’ve been listening to this for the last two weeks now.  ❞

❝  it’s not even that i’m having bad ideas. i’m not having any at all.  ❞

❝  can’t get away from the work, no matter what i do.  ❞

❝  i made sure i switched off my phone before i came up here, just in case.  ❞

❝  god, these things smell of weed.  ❞

❝  yeah, well… just wanted to make sure you’re okay, you know?  ❞

❝  [name] is dead. that's all there is to it.  ❞

❝  no, i need to get out of here. it’s been a long day.  ❞

❝  a lot of the art i found was just paintings of a night sky full of stars.  ❞

❝  my job is to look the facts dead in the face and find an explanation. one that will hold up in a court of law.  ❞

❝  personal and career choices, i guess you’d call them.  ❞

❝  damn. i could’ve sworn i felt something strange about this place when i hiked through this morning… or maybe it was a different part. hard to tell this late at night, anyway.  ❞

❝  well, let’s just say a middle-aged man-child running out panicked and tearing at his eyes would hardly be a marketable image.  ❞

❝  i didn’t mind that i’d be alone—i always expected that to be how i went.  ❞

❝  i’m sure that’s on my personnel file by now, as if it could get any more problematic.  ❞

[blursed-ninjago-ideas]

It’s not great, but it was fun to write! A give you an Evil Hypno Lloyd snippet!

--

Keeping his friends enthralled was hard. Lloyd had never done it for so long, nor had he ever done so many at once. It was easier with the guys since he could pull on their elements anytime they started to resist him, but it was taking some getting used to.

Jay’s mind was so fast and restless. Lloyd didn’t want to subpress him just to make him easier to control but keeping his thoughts on a leash was a learning curve. Jay had wandered out of his enthrallment without noticing a few times. Luckily, whenever he did, he always made the same mistake.

“…Wha….Where’s Nya?”

And that was Lloyd’s cue to adjust his grip on Jay’s mind.

Zane was tricky. He had a mechanical brain, which needed to be treated differently. Nothing too hard, but Lloyd hadn’t exactly practiced the skill. He found keeping Zane busy seemed to help avoid him worming his way out of Lloyd’s control. If he had something else to focus on, he didn’t question it. In time Lloyd would probably be able to keep him under even with an idle mind, but he needed to build his skill.

Cole wasn’t too hard to keep under, but he was the hardest to get back the few times he did slip through. Stubborn and strong, it took a lot out of Lloyd to enthrall him again. He had to be careful not to let his hold on the others slip when he did.

He was getting better at pulling on their connection though. He wasn’t limited to one at a time he found. He could push through a distress signal and all four of them would have the instinct to come protect and comfort him. It made it hard to run away.

Lloyd couldn’t help but curse his rotten luck that Nya had gotten away, and she didn’t have any destiny assigned connection for him to exploit to track her down or bring her into the fray. He’d have to figure something out on that front.

But he was tired. He’d spent the whole day learning how hard it was to maintain his oni hypnosis.

As difficult as it was, it was also comforting. He had a pulse on each other them. He could feel each of their minds.

Jay and Cole were playing games in the next room and Cole was losing. Jay was worried that Cole was about to close the gap and Cole is trying to not pay attention to the scores and focus. Zane was cooking dinner, humming happily and enjoying his quiet.

Kai, Lloyd didn’t need his powers to know about, he was sitting right next to him, reading a magazine.

Kai hadn’t wavered once. He had stayed properly enthralled through the whole day. Lloyd was grateful for it. He may not have been able to catch Jay and Zane after he exhausted himself getting Cole back under without him.

Lloyd relaxed, finally feeling like he could rest. It had been a long day.

Kai twitched. Like he was uncomfortable and trying to adjust his position.

A second or two.

He did it again.

Lloyd tried to get a read on what was going on in his head while Kai stood up.

He had a confused look and that was about when Lloyd figured out that he Kai has slipped out of his hold.

Lloyd was starting to panic. He could feel the other’s picking up on it and heading over to check on him.

“Kai?” Lloyd asked.

Kai hadn’t broken out yet, Lloyd didn’t know what to expect.

“Lloyd? What….Something happened….” Kai said.

Lloyd gulped.

“It’s ok, just look at me.”

Try it gently first, like with Jay. He seemed confused like Jay.

“No…no….Something is wrong.” Kai said, starting to push his hands through his hair and pace.

“Let’s put these away first.”

Try to switch his focus, like with Zane. Kai was thinking it through like Zane.

“No! Something is wrong, Lloyd!” Kai ranted, stomping his foot.

Lloyd didn’t want Kai to be like Cole. He had already had a long enough day.

A knock on the door.

“Are you alright in there?” Speaking of Cole.

Lloyd quickly tightened his hold on the other’s, just in case Kai made too much trouble.

“Am I?” Kai mumbled.

Something felt familiar to him. Something about being alone with Lloyd. Something being wrong. Cole showing up and then Lloyd….Lloyd….

Kai remembered.

“Help me with Kai!” Lloyd yelled as soon as Kai started to run.

He managed to push past Cole, but Zane was able to trip him before he got out of reach. Kai struggled and twisted with a fury

“Let go! Let me go! Guys snap out of it!” Kai yelled as he tried to squirm away.

“It’s ok, Kai.” Lloyd said, making his way over.

“No, it’s not, Lloyd!” Kai snapped. “You have to stop!”

“No, I don’t!” Lloyd yelled with power in his voice.

Kai cringed. He couldn’t hold his own against it.

“Look at me!”

Kai shuddered while his head turned and eyes opened, only to stare right into Lloyd’s red eyes. Things started tilting back and forth.

“You’re under my control and you will stay that way!”

Kai couldn’t even focus on the words anymore. The voice was just so loud and forceful.

“Answer me.”

All his thoughts stopped.

“Yes, Lloyd.” He said, no resistance left.

Finally, Lloyd could feel Kai slip back into place. He sighed in relief.

“You can let him go now. It’s fixed.”

Jay, Cole, and Zane set Kai down and stood back.

Kai stood himself up, almost unsure of himself.

“You scared us!” Cole said.

“Yeah….sorry….won’t happen again.” Kai said as he rubbed the side of his head.

“I’ll get back to dinner.” Zane said before walking away.

“You two going to be ok if we leave?” Jay asked.

“Yeah, I got him.” Lloyd said, letting Jay and Cole leave to return to their game. Cole was now winning.

Once they were alone, Lloyd decided to push one more command onto Kai before letting him relax.

“You’re going to come tell me if you ever feel like that again.”

“Ok.” Kai said. Nodding plainly.

There. That should work. A failsafe. If Kai started to slip out of his enthrallment, he was obligated to come tell Lloyd to his face. Which would make it so much easier to putting him back under.

Finally, Lloyd relaxed. He’d had a long day.

--

I decided to start adding a bold on the lines where Lloyd is using his power. Anyway, this was my self indulgent snippet I wrote for my own enjoyment.

-Ivy

[heyheshi]

Roommates...?

1.7k words

written and uploaded: July 30, 2020

🦋 - fluff

Please like and reblog! Also please don't post my writings anywhere!

Here's your request! Hope you like it!

Masterlist

Part 1

Part 3

_________

It has been almost a week since the last time you've seen Harry and you have to admit - he wasn't bad at all. You expected him to be like the other famous people who think that the world revolves around them but well he is the exact opposite.

He's so down to earth and open-minded about everything, you almost forgot that he's a celebrity during your meal! He was so eager to listen and learn about the town he's going to be staying in.

He's also a proper gentleman. It's common to have your door open up for you if you're on the passenger's seat but what surprises you was that after you parked the car outside of the resto, he went around the car to open up your door - the driver's door!

It didn't stop that, he opened the door of the resto for you and let you in first. Even pulled back your chair for you! The boyfriends of your other friends would be ashamed if they saw him.

Also, he made sure that you won't pay a cent and told you that you can only give the tip - which by the way was also generously given by him already.

You probably looked like a couple that day and you can't deny the fact that you found him interesting... and cute... and really handsome even though he didn't say much about himself and neither do you - just the basics. No one can know that you're infatuated by him, especially your cousin - who for sure is gonna rub the car's magic on you, plus you dropped him off his hotel after you ate.

But it didn't stop you from typing his name on your search engine and looking at his pictures. What can you say, he's an eye candy and you probably won't see him again since you live in the small village of your town and he would probably leave after a few days after all.

But how wrong could you be? Very, super, extremely, tremendously and all the adverb you can think of that have the same meaning as 'so so so wrong'.

You were carrying a tray of your best selling bagels when you saw a familiar head ordering on the counter from the glass on the door of the kitchen.

It's not like you didn't like seeing him - it's just that you're sure that you're going to be all blushy and shy in front of him after developing a crush on the guy.

"2 bagels and a classic tea!", the voice from intercom can be heard through the kitchen and that's when you know that you have to face heaven - oh you mean Harry, soon.

You made a beeline to the pastry display counter with your head hanging low hoping that he wouldn't see you but too late for that.

"Y/N! I didn't know you work here!", well there goes the prince charming, smiling brightly at you while you have to basically snap yourself out of your thoughts.

"Oh, she owns this bakery along with a few other branches.", one of your employees, Kayla, replied to him seeing as you won't be talking anytime soon, then she winked at you.

"Really?!", Harry walked in front of the display counter to talk to you as you finished displaying all the bagels out.

"Yeah, um well you know I own a bakery and this is my first shop, my main outlet.", you smiled a little trying so hard not to blurt anything embarrassing in front of him.

"You look nice.", Harry said but quickly corrected himself trying to play it cool, "what I meant was it was nice seeing you and this place looks cozily chic."

"Thank you. I try, really.", your brain is screaming to not overthink what he said but your cheeks and ear betrayed you, "why don't you take a seat, there's a cute table near the corner if you want some privacy."

"Will you join me? I mean you're the owner and well you're my only friend here in this town so far.", friend - oh well at least you two are friends... right? You really need to shut up now. This isn't how you were acting when you first met him!

"Of course! I'm done working anyway."

"Great! I'll be right there!", with that, he nods his head and strutted to the table on the far end of your shop.

You quickly removed your apron and insisted on bringing his order to him, not before stealing a muffin and a cookie from the kitchen, and getting your water bottle from your bag.

"So how are you liking it here?", you asked Harry while slowly placing his meal on the table for him.

"It's great! I quite like it here actually, my hotel was in the busier part of the town but I don't mind that much. I'm glad I discovered this little village to escape.", Harry explained, taking a bite on the bagel you just made, "mhmm, now I know why this is your best selling pastry."

You laughed at him while shrugging, "thank you, it was a family recipe and I don't let anyone make that bagel, they can make the other pastries but not that one - too sacred."

"I know exactly what you're talking about, it's like writing a song but not letting anyone hear it because it was your baby," H laughed at his own words, "oh, this tea reminds me of how my mum makes my tea, now I miss her.", his face now sporting an overly exaggerated pout after taking a sip of his tea and both of your laughs can be heard from a few tables down.

"Are you planning on going home?", you didn't mean to intrude, you're just curious.

"Oh, so you want me out now? Should've killed you that day!", he joked. If it was another guy, you would've left your seat and never look back but this was Harry we're talking about - and this is not a date.

"Wh- no! I was just asking! Plus we love having you here! You're welcome in our town!", if your mouth hasn't said anything then you wouldn't be blushing and Harry wouldn't be holding his stomach from laughing so hard.

"Oh, so now you love me, huh? That's not what you were saying before!", he was like a switch, before he was laughing so hard bit now his face is stoic without any trace of anything.

"No, what I me-"

"Just kidding! Should've seen your face, love!", now he's back on cackling and he looks adorable and cuddly - shut up Y/N!

"That's not funny...", you guilt-tripped him with your distressed and agitated face.

"I'm sorry!", H was still laughing while putting his hands in the air while you only crossed your arms in your chest.

You two made small talk while scarfing down your foods and asked him the question you didn't know if it should make you ecstatic or nervous about what's to come.

"Why did you said our village is your escape? I thought you already did that when you decided to stay here in our town?", you finished your cookie and drank your water.

"Dunno, this place is peaceful. The main town is great but a lot of fans have been waiting outside of the hotel and I feel like I'm not having the privacy I was looking for the first place, you know?"

"I'm sorry about that. I know this is not an excuse but no celebrity has ever stayed this long in our town that's why they're probably like that...", you looked at him with sympathy in your eyes.

"It's all good. I talked to my friend Jeff about it and he told me that if I'm planning on staying here longer then I should find a place - like a room or an apartment to stay and that's how I found this shop. I was strolling, I don't trust the internet ads, I'd like to look for one myself and that brought me to your neighborhood.", Harry explained and the only words that registered on your mind were "staying here longer".

"That's probably the best idea, not staying long in a hotel - I mean. How long do you think you're staying? Have you found a place?"

"For a few months most definitely. There are barely paps in here and I'm also planning on writing a few of my songs here... and sadly I haven't. Most apartments are on the commercial part of the town and I'm finding somewhere quiet. This kind of neighborhood perhaps.", he explained to you and you cannot stop your mouth from blurting out the next few words.

"I just bought a house a few blocks in this village and well I have an extra room...", well that was fast, your mind screams at you while you shut your eyes tightly.

"Are you offering me to be your roommate or housemate? I don't wanna seem desperate but you're pretty much the only person I know in here and I like this village so I'm not turning your offer down.", Harry eagerly replied to you but still keeping his cool intact.

"I think I am..."

"Really? Wow, thank you! Don't worry, I'm a good roommate - if the offer is still valid!", you and Harry both chuckled at that while standing in your seats.

"Well then, why don't I take you on a tour and show you the house? The village is full of families it's really peaceful here. And I'm not always home so you won't be bothered by me!", you joked at him as you went back to the shop's kitchen to get your things and say goodbye to your employees.

"Oh I know I'm the one who'll be bothering you a lot!", Harry opened the door for you as he joked.

"We'll see!", you just winked at him and walked in front of him while he jogged to catch up to you.

You introduced Harry to the village and showed him around your house. Hopefully, he'd like your home enough to be roommates with you.

_____

[she-who-the-river-could-not-hold]

#100daysofwriting | day 50 (+ a few others...)

a daily writing challenge created by @the-wip-project // tagging my fellow writers joining in: @thelittlefanpire, @hopskipaway, @kinetic-elaboration, @easilydistractedbyfanfic

Well that was a long and somewhat intentional and unintentional break from this! I first took a break because of just being busy, and then I thought I’d just try to focus on writing by itself. But in reality it’s not like this detracts from that time + exercises for any sort of endeavor is always a good idea! So I’ll just gather up a few of the past ones plus today’s just to get back into it. And what better day than the halfway mark!

How do you start a new story?

Usually a single image of a scene or vibe comes to mind. And then I have to build out from there. So I’ll have a general notes document where I just sort of dump the imagery that’s stuck in my head and then spiderweb my way out of it by figuring out the details.

What's an old idea that you’ve discarded?

My graveyard of ideas is pretty small in terms of actual ideas I’ve discarded. Most of them just hover on the outskirts as “hey one day, probably never, I’d like to write this.” Truly discarded ideas though are two from when I was writing Stranger Things fanfic. They’re my only two abandoned fics where I don’t have any intention of finding ways to make them work (either in the ST realm or any other fandom).

First one was a 1950s asylum inspired AU where El was in an asylum, Will gets kidnapped to be experimented on, and the others find ways to sneak in. Sort of a Sucker Punch inspired story and vibe for it.

Second one was a Lumax!X-Files AU. I wrote the first chapter, was halfway through the second, and then lost the files when my harddrive failed. I immediately lost all desire to rework it and dive back into the accidentally convoluted plot and ended up abandoning it.

How often do you switch WIPs and do you think that’s a good thing to do?

I’m personally always jumping from story to story. I have a really hard time focusing in general, especially for long periods of time, so the idea of singularly focusing on only one story feels overwhelming for me. Usually I’m only able to do that when I can feel the finish line coming up for it and then I can just go all in. But in general, when stories are in the beginning or middle stages, I just allow myself to flow with the inspiration. It often makes me feel like my writing is better (unconfirmed) than when I overly force something to happen.

I think this is something ultimately only people can decide for themselves. Sure, I don’t immediately just turn out a whole piece of work. But usually it all sort of comes cascading out at once since I write a bunch at the same time. And while I’m going to work on my writing ahead goal, that’s more about my patience with posting right away, not jumping from story to story so I probably won’t be changing anytime soon. It’s just not compatible with my brain and I always have to remind myself that this is a hobby for me, nothing more. If I overstress that I can only work on one at a time, it’s going to become too much for me and defeat the purpose.

Share a cool phrase from a WIP.

She closed her eyes as her mind conjured up the smell of death around her, the sound of choking screams and the way the ground had shaken beneath her boots. The wide-eyed stare of a young woman in the clutches of death, her mouth gaping open and threatening to swallow Clarke whole–– ––her eyes snapped back open again.

What fic/story made you?

Probably my Lumax!zombies AU that I wrote. I was so struck by this one idea in my head that I cranked out this story really quickly and even wrote a spinoff of it told from Mileven’s POV. I was so stunned by the reaction I got from it, the way people were really into it and reacting to it, was a startling feeling. I’d always loved creating stories as a kid, both through toys or writing on my dad’s computer, but sharing it had never really been a thing until fanfiction. Even in my creative writing classes, I knew it wasn’t really entirely my thing in the way it was for others. But I saw people respond so positively to a story that was both fanfiction but also my own, and I was like well shit. Maybe I have some more cool ideas in me.

Fic(s) Worked On:

Bellarke, Tarzan AU: the deadline is coming up soon for this fic so I’ve made a lot of progress on that during my offtime from these updates! I’ve hit a slight wall inspirationally with it but I think I’ll be okay to get it done. Can’t let perfection get in the way of progress ya know?

Bellarke, Modern AU: I haven’t written about this one yet and then out of nowhere yesterday I was inspired to work some on it. I made a very rudimentary outline of the structure for it (it’s going to be styled in a series of vignettes) and then started free-writing it. Going back to present-tense writing for the first time in a while, something about that just feels right for it. It’s very Lana Del Rey vibes inspired mixed with two messy people living in a city like New York

Bellarke, Sci-fi/Hanahaki AU: very unintentionally made a lot of progress on this first chapter! Something about the intricacies of this story makes me want to try to make this one that I write all at once before posting. I think my others are fine just being extensively outlined, but this one I really want to push to see if I can write it all in one go. I also am really excited to get back into writing sci-fi again!

[idle-writer]

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: none, mentions of infinity war and endgame (?)

A/N: This is part of my one-shot collections, First. Prompt: first time saying “i love you”. Unbeta’d. All mistakes are mine. Hope you enjoy reading :)

The children of Wakanda sure are a lively bunch. You run around outside Bucky’s hut chasing the kids as you play a game of tag. The sound of laughter makes Bucky’s lips turn up into a small smile. He can recognize your voice anywhere, anytime. As he exits his hut, you feel Bucky’s eyes on you and you immediately whirl around to face him. Far too quick, you think when you accidentally lost your balance, beginning to slip and tumble to the ground. Bucky is also quick on his feet, running to your side as soon as he realize what is about to happen. He reaches for your hand, gently, for he doesn’t want to hurt you. Far too gentle, he realizes because he too gets pulled down to the ground.  

A look of concern passes through him as you gape at him wordlessly. He props himself in his one arm, eyes scanning you, looking for any possible injury you may have sustained.

You can’t even care about the position you two are in, or that there are children snickering at the background. A hearty laugh comes off your chest when it dawns to you how silly the events are. Upon  hearing your laughter, a smile breaks in to his face. Even with your face soiled with mud, grass sticking to your hair, he still thinks you’re beautiful. He shakes his head, muttering an almost inaudible. “God, I love you.”

An accidental slip he instantly regrets when he feels you freeze beneath him. Thoughts of something ending without it being started yet creeps in to his mind. Thoughts that are cut off when something wet and sticky is smudged on his face. Your mud-covered hand is hovering near, a toothy grin on your face followed by another round of laughter. God, he really does love you.

“I love you.”

It was under the beautiful Wakandan sunset, the skies painted in a blend of orange, yellow, and indigo, a few stars peeking out, their light barely visible but they’re there.  Just like how your love is there, you don’t say it but it’s there. So when he uttered those three words again, needless to say you are surprised. The first time he said it you think you misheard him. Today’s is a reaffirmation, and just like the first time, you were unable to say it back.  

You stare at him with mouth open but no words come out. He gives you a gentle comforting smile, his hand raised to tenderly brush your cheek,  “You don’t have to say it back. I just want to let you know.”

Because he’s a semi-stable hundred year old man, and now that he’s given a second chance in life, a chance to say what he wants, a chance to bare his soul to someone on his own volition, he will take it.  He didn’t expect you to say it back, and you didn’t, and it’s okay, because as you tightly gripped his hand, and rested your head on his shoulder, an almost unintelligible “thank you” coming from your lips, he knew. You just needed time, and he’d willingly give it to you.  

Some people will get offended, but he didn’t. He hums and presses a kiss on the top of your head. Your tense shoulders relaxing as soon as you felt, releasing the breath you didn’t realize you were holding, a sense of relief washing over you. He still loves you. _______________

You are just talking with Shuri, thanking her for her help with Bucky's new vibranium arm. She only laughs it off saying how it's kinda became her job to "fix white boys". She suddenly looks behind you, a snide smile forming on her lips.  

“Sergeant, you forgot something?”

You turn to see Bucky standing by the door. He looks contemplative for a second before he casts his gaze on you. He doesn’t answer Shuri's question, instead he just makes quick strides to where you are standing.  He tilts your chin up with his metal arm, and dips down to capture your lips with his. Pulling back, he whispers those three sweet words.

A lump forms in your throat which quickly dissolves when he brushes his thumbs across your cheek, a silent reassurance that it’s okay.  

“Thank you.”

He nods to you, and then to Shuri who is watching the whole scene with a goofy smile on her face, before he turns to leave.

As soon as the door closes shut, Shuri almost half-screamed, half-asks, “What was that?”

“What was what?”

Shuri clears her throat and lowers her voice, imitating Bucky’s, “I love you.” And then switches to imitate yours, “Thank you.”

You roll your eyes at her, and shrugs. She laughs but doesn’t push any further, making you narrow your eyes at her.  

She shakes her head at you, “It’s just nice to hear you are loved…  …Don’t you think?”

…

Running as fast as you could, you sprint through the halls. Damn his long legs. “Bucky!”

He stops in his tracks and meets you halfway. A quizzical look on his face as he takes in your form. Your hand in your chest as you try to catch your breath while he rubs circle at your back to soothe you. “Bucky, I-“

“Sergeant Barnes?” A  Wakandan warrior pops out in the corner, relaying a quick message about a quick briefing.  

“I’ll be right there.” Bucky calls out before turning to you. “Doll, you were saying?”

You shake your head. Now’s not the time.  “Be careful out there, Bucky.”

He pulls you to his arms, and presses a soft kiss on the top of your head, hand softly running through your hair. He once again whispers the words you feel but fail to say

_______________

Five years have come and go. The Battle of Wakanda has left many wounded physically. The Snap has left many scarred emotionally. Friends and family gone in an instant.  

Your brain keeps on replaying the last time you saw him, as you watch his back disappear from your view. The chance to tell him how you feel gone in an instant.

“I didn’t get to say I love him, Steve.”

Steve says your name with a hint of his Captain America voice as if reprimanding you for emotionally torturing yourself.

“He says it to me all the time. I didn’t even… not even once,” you continued. “…and now, I’ve lost my chance.”

Steve lays a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently. “I’m sure he knows.”

_______________

The sound of birds chirping signifies their return. The mission is a success. They are back. Everyone is back.  

You stand frozen in your spot, as you look over at Bucky. His brows furrow in confusion as you assume Steve is explaining what happened. He glances up and catches sight of you. He taps Steve’s shoulder, and makes his way to you, a smile spreading on his lips, blue eyes shining brightly. Your same old Bucky from five years ago. The same Bucky who caresses your cheek and kisses the top of your head.  

“Doll?”

But you are not the same you from five years ago. Because now that you are given a chance to let him know, you’ll take it. You’re done thinking it’s not the time. So when he says he loves you just like he usually do, you press a kiss to his lips. A smile lighting up his face when you whispered back the words he waited so long to hear.  

“I love you, too.”  

_______________

A/N: Thank you for reading! I accept requests for this. Any firsts with Bucky you want me to write? Let me know. Stay safe and take care~ :)

[hannibalsbaby]

Thomas dating someone in the military who's been gone for a while and surprises him by coming home?

Alrighty, I just made this a little story, hopefully I don’t completely fail at life writing this, I mean my dad was in the military, but I was too young to remember him coming back home lol. At the beginning it might seem a little Hoyt x reader, though I promise you its not, its just that I thought a military reader would be able to see the sort of pain Hoyt has hid inside of his soul, plus I see all these writers making him a bad person, I mean he is but hes also hurt in so many ways. Anyways I hope you enjoy!

The ride down to Texas was boring, nothing much to remember, your mind was full of different ways the family would react to you finally coming home after months though those months seemed like years. You decided to walk the rest of the way not wanting to cause the people who had been nice enough to let you ride into town with them, you couldn’t let them become a meal for the family you had learned to love through the years you had been there with the family. At first you thought Thomas didn’t like you at all seeing how he rarely came out from the basement, then you figured out how maybe you being there a complete and utter stranger to him had changed the entire routine he had went through for his whole life. That day when you had cracked the code on why he was so absent had broken your heart for the first time in that sort of way, you never thought about other people in that way you were always sort of shy and heartless when it came to other people, but somehow that man Thomas Hewitt had changed you for the better. It had never crossed your mind that maybe he wasn’t getting any sleep down there because of you, you cried for the first time in years you had cried for someone other than yourself or your family. Though, the sad memories of your past had came to a halt when you heard sirens behind you, you didn’t use your common sense at the moment thinking to yourself you said, ‘Shit why is Hoyt out at this time and why doesn’t he remember me,’ though before long you remembered why he hadn’t remembered you. Your outfit, your hair, and the way you walked was completely different than before, you didn’t have to get a buzz cut, but you did anyways because your hair had too much upkeep for the military so you shaved it all off honestly it was the best idea to do so. Once again you were interrupted out of your thoughts as Hoyt himself pulled up beside you in the old worn out patrol car, though he still didn’t seem to recognize you. 

      “Excuse me little lady, but you’re heading to fucking nowhere right now. You do know that right, honey,” Hoyt looked you up and down as he asked his index finger tapped the steering wheel over and over as the wheels in his mind turned as he was slowly putting things together inside his own mind. You knew you had to answer him to show him that it was in fact you, before he got violent thinking you were a victim that Thomas had missed while doing his morning rounds before the rest of the family was up, it was twisted but painfully true. 

      “Yes, Hoyt I do know where the fuck I’m going in this dusty hell hole of a town,” You had to give him attitude, the old man was fun at times, though his mood changed like a flick of a light switch, it wasn’t truly of his doing to be that way. The man himself had seen things no one should see, the same way for the things he had to do to survive in the situation he was in, you had pitied him at times the reason were familiar to you. Your father had been in the military too, his mood changed similar to Hoyts, but your family always had the money to get him some mental help at the times that your father was low, though Hoyt had no one to go to so he had to hide it, never show he was weak at those times he was at his lowest points. You knew the man was hurt, you had seen the looks in his eyes while the family watched a movie about war or anything that had involved violence in it, the way his eyes had changed from docile and warm to cold with speckles of fear in them, you had seen the same with your father so your heart had to pity the man, it had to hold his fear close to something familiar inside of your soul. You kept eye contact with Hoyt the whole time you were thinking, you could see the wheels inside of his head turning until they stopped finally reaching the decision that yes it was truly you in the flesh. 

      “Well, I’ll be damned, you made it kid. Tommy’s been waiting for you, he didn’t seem the same without you, he barely left the basement the whole time. He might cum in his pants the moment you walk through the door sweet cheeks,” Hoyt explained how Thomas had been while you were gone, he also flashed one of his famous toothy grins at the end at the mention of Thomas ‘cumming’ his pants as you walk through the door, such a nasty perverted mind the older man had, it surprised you every time, maybe it was because you were raised around mentally stable older men. Though as soon as he mentioned how Thomas didn’t take it well, made a frown make its way upon your face, you always hated when Thomas was sad at anytime he just takes almost everything you do to heart, but it wasn’t time to dilly dally at the moment you had to get home to Thomas soon before he started thinking of the worst possible things. You decided to keep your mouth shut for the time being, not having anything in mind to say, so you simply put bag in your lap at you sat in the passenger seat of the patrol car, the seats had blood stains here and there, a few stains from maybe food, though you truly didn’t know what the real sheriff had done in this car before he met his own fate. As soon as the car door was shut and in place Hoyt made a speedy take off from the middle of the dirt road where he had found you. The radio was low, but softly playing old country tunes, you recognized the song in a heartbeat, it was Johnny Cash’s song ‘The Ring of Fire’ one of your personal favorites from the Johnny Cash collection. Though, even with the radio playing there was an awkward tone in the air, something wasn’t right you had a feeling in your gut twisting its way to your brain, the air inside of the old patrol car didn’t help at all. It all came flooding to you, your memories your feelings, you were panicking for no reason, at least you thought you were, but something wasn’t right. You assessed the situation, the car stunk in a new way, before it smelled like tobacco smoke and body odor like sweat and grime, though now it stunk like a hospital would the clean, odorless, stink of death any hospital has. Maybe you were over thinking at the moment or maybe you had been gone so long the stink of what the family did made you react the same way you did the first time you met them, the panic was bubbling inside of your chest and stomach, though as time went on you calmed, the only reason was because of the thought of Thomas waiting for you made you become at ease within your surroundings. 

      “Aren’t you supposed to be at the dinner table Hoyt, its damn near close to dinner time,” You asked letting out a soft sigh knowing the things they did, no more like the things they were forced to do because of this cruel world and whats simply called ‘natural selection’ you knew it was real, but you didn’t want to believe people all around the world had to do the same as them to survive within their surroundings simply because life is cruel and doesn’t care who gets left behind or killed by what. As you waited for what seemed like years for Hoyt to reply to your quite simple question you realized he had been talking to you this whole time answering your question and talking more but you had been thinking in your own little world so much you had completely ignored him. “I’m sorry what did you say,” You looked at him with small smile on your lips, he just simply sighed before answering the question once more. 

       “Oh, I didn’t want to be out here in this heat, of fucking course not, but lil’ Tommy knew it was time for you to come back, so Mama Mae told me to go out and look for you for Tommy,” Hoyt spoke quickly as he pulled into the driveway, he cared for you a lot though in fact he didn’t want to seem weak for caring about anyone else other than himself and his family even though you are apart of the family now. Maybe you being in the military scared Hoyt enough to make him afraid to show his emotions, he’s not scared of you hurting him no more like you dying in the field with no one there to help you, he had seen so much of that during his time in the military and it has scarred him for life simply enough. Hoyt practically yanked the key out of the ignition, then got out of the patrol car, you weren’t too far behind him trying to keep up with him, he had two ways to go about the day, one to go slow and do his own thing, or two go at a freakish pace and get everything done quickly, he was truly an oddball. Within seconds both of you were stepping into the Hewitt house, Hoyt stopped and looked over at you for at least a half second making sure you had your bag and everything before he raised a hand to his mouth yelling, “Boy! Get over here and show our newest guest to her room!” 

    You truly didn’t think you would’ve missed the screeching sound of the metal door of the basement being opened but you did, messing with the strap to your bag which is slung over your shoulder you waited for Thomas to come out of his hiding spot. Soon enough you heard his heavy footsteps making his way into the hallway, as soon as his eyes landed on you he froze completely still, hell you didn’t think he was breathing. Though soon enough he made his way over to you, slow but happy, he scooped you up into his arms holding you close to his broad chest with a hidden smile beneath his mask. You were not expecting for him to move his head down towards your ear, his lips, well the lips of the muzzle like mask touching the outer part of your ear as he perfectly whispered, “Missed you..” 

[hello-justawriterofthings]

Regret of a Father ( Part 2 ) - Harry Styles

Hey guys, Part 2 to Tears of a Mother is here. It's all in Harry's P.O.V. This starts from where Y/N walked ( Ran ) out. I really hope you Enjoy, Thank you so much for Reading <3 Warnings: Angst, some language and injuries, but nothing graphic. [ Y/N = Your Name, Y/L/N = Your last name ] Also, I named Y/N's mom Sarah, just so I could have a name for her or you can just add your own mom’s name in.

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Harry's P.O.V

"Fine, I'll leave and you can be the perfect parent, that everyone already thinks you are! You can do it all on your own, or until you find someone to take my place in the boys lives. If you haven't already found someone" Y/N sobbed as she rushed downstairs, "What just happened? What had I just done?" I thought to myself before following her down the steps. "Wait" I yelled trying to catch up, but she was too fast for me. She ended up outside before I could reach her, but I wasn't far behind. "Hey, I was bringing them in... What's wrong?" I heard Gemma ask Y/N, but she didn't respond before getting in her car. I finally reached the passenger side to the vehicle, trying to open the door, but Y/N had already locked it. "Y/N!" I shouted trying to get her attention, but she never looked at me. She just switched the car into reverse and exited the driveway.

"Harry, what did you do?" Gemma yelled at me, I sighed deeply while rubbing my forehead. "Why do you think I did anything?" I asked, "How was I supposed to know she was going to overreact and run away". "Harry, are you an idiot! You clearly did something, she was upset, not overreacting. She was running away from you... So, what did you do?" Gemma asked again more calmly as she placed Ethan on the ground. "I just told her the truth about her life, It's not my fault she took it so hard" I stated nonchalantly, Gemma stared at me shocked. "Told her she was a bad mum and maybe she should leave, because the boys hated her. But, I didn't think she'd take me seriously, I was angry and she knows how I get when I'm mad" I then stated with another sigh, "I can't believe you Harry, how dare you say those things to the woman you claim to love. She thinks so highly of you, of course she was going to take whatever you say seriously, you ass" Gemma spat walking towards the house. I let out a groan as I took Ethan's hand, "You'd better fix this, because you might have just lost her forever" Gemma then stated with a sigh. I nodded, because I knew I had fucked up, I was just to stubborn to admit it. "I'll let her cool off, then I'll track her down and talk everything out. Gem, I honestly didn't mean anything I said" I stated, causing her to nod "You need to explain that to her, not me... Come on boys, let's get inside, it's almost bed time". She walked Mason inside as I picked up a sleepy Ethan, I glanced down the road where Y/N had driven. Regret now filling my mind, "Cookie Dad" Ethan muttered. I smiled slightly, looking down at my boy "You want a cookie this late?". Ethan nodded "Want one of Mummy's cookies", I sighed deeply as I walked into the house, hoping Y/N had made her famous cookies that the boys ( And I ) Loved. "Why did I have to say suck horrible things? She deserved so much better than me" I continued to think and I knew those thoughts weren't going to stop anytime soon. 

2 am, I received a call from Y/N's mum. I hadn't been asleep because I was hoping she'd come back and we could talk everything out, like we had done with fights in the past. But, this fight was worse than any we had had before. "Hello?" I asked as I answered, "Harry..." Sarah sighed sadly. I kept quiet, waiting for her to start yelling at me for breaking her daughters heart because I was a dumbass. "Harry, I think somethings happened to Y/N. I'm getting on a plane now" she exclaimed quietly, I furrowed my brows in confusion "What do you mean?". "She called me, extremely upset. She was crying so hard, I couldn't get her to calm down. I heard... I heard a crash and Y/N screaming before the line cut off. It was horrible to hear. Please, find out where she is for me" Sarah stated, I could tell that she was choked up. My Y/N, somewhere out there hurt and I wasn't there with her, what kind of boyfriend am I? "She left hours ago, if she was hurt in anyway, why hasn't the hospital called? I'm her emergency contact" I stated confused, "I know that and I don't know why they haven't called you, or at least me. I just have this motherly feeling that somethings wrong. Please, can you check around for her?" she begged. I let out an exhausted sigh "Yeah, I'll find her and I'll text you her location". "Thank you Harry, I have to go. I'll see you in a few hours. please, Tell her I love her" Sarah stated as she hung up without receiving an answer from me. Now, I was panicked. What if something terrible happened and if was all my fault, what if I never saw her again, I wasn't ready to raise the boys on my own, not without Y/N. I spent the next  hour calling three different hospitals, until I found her. They wouldn't give me any information about her over the phone, so I had to go to her. I shook Gem awake in the guest room, "What!" she moaned, rolling over to see my tear stained faced. "Harry, what's wrong?" she asked quietly, "Y/N's been in a car accident. I have to go to the hospital, I have to be there for her. Can you stay here with the boys" I asked wiping my face. She sat up quick, pulling me into a hug "Yeah, don't worry about it. Harry, please don't blame yourself" , I shrugged "How else am I supposed to feel, I made her upset. I made her want to get away from me, so it is my fucking fault". I pulled away from the hug and walked down the hall to the bedroom, changing my clothes. Something caught me eye though, it was Y/N's  engagement ring. Sitting neatly on the side table next to her side of the bed. "When did she take this off?", "Had I really been ignoring that long, that I didn't realize she wasn't wearing it anymore" I asked myself, I then sighed deeply before Gemma waled into the room. "Harry..." she started, "Gem, I have to go" I stated walking past her. "Alright, just be careful. Please" she stated  from the top of the stairs. I nodded, sending her a small smile "I'll let you know what's going on when I find out". Then I threw my coat on, along with my shoes. I sent Gemma one last look, before walking out of the house and towards my car. I'm coming Y/N.

Once I arrived at the hospital, I parked quickly and dashed inside. "Who are you here to see today sir?" the lady at the front desk asked, "Y/N, Y/L/N" I said quickly. "Suite 3A, you'll have to check in over there" the lady stated sending me a smile, one I couldn't return. I just nodded and said thanks, before walking off. "Was that Harry Styles?" I heard the younger receptionist asked the one who had helped me, "Who?" she asked in return as I headed into the elevator and pressing button three. The nerves were finally hitting me, what if something was truly wrong with my love? How would I live with yourself after that? Once I exited the elevator, I made a right to suite A. Coming face to face with Mila, Y/N's Best Friend. "What are you doing here?" she asked with a scowl on her face, "Sarah called me, asked me to find her daughter after hearing the crash" I stated with a nervous sigh. "I don't know why she didn't just call me and left you out of it" she stated harshly, I furrowed my brows "She's my girlfriend, I shouldn't be left out of anything!". She chuckled slightly "Some boyfriend you are, do you even wonder why the hospital didn't call you when she came in?", "Of course I wondered why! Why would they call you instead of me?" I exclaimed. Mila rolled her eyes "Three months ago, Y/N decided to change her emergency contact from you, to me", "Why the hell would she do that" I groaned. "She knew your relationship was close to over, you were ignoring her, treating her like garbage. She figured that you wouldn't be there for her when she needed it" Mila stated honestly, I sighed deeply because I knew she was right. "I know I was distant..." I started, "Face it Harry, you've been a shit boyfriend" Mila interrupted. I sighed once more "But, that doesn't mean I no longer love her! I do, I always will... I've just been so busy lately, writing the album, looking after the boys, meetings, studio time and talking about a tour. I didn't mean to push her aside!", "You should've included her though, especially with the boys. Harry, she loves you three so much, she'd do anything to make you happy, even if it meant she was miserable. She thinks those two little boys don't like her, that would hurt as a mother" she stated honestly. I nodded, not knowing what to say after that. "Why did she leave last night?.. Y/N told me that she was going to give your relationship one last chance, she wanted to spend time alone with you, to figure out if you still loved her. Why did she leave?" Mila then questioned, making me sigh again " I was exhausted, just had a bad phone call. I said somethings I didn't mean, I regret it so much now". She stared at me for a moment "So, your the reason my best friend is laying in that hospital bed", I looked down at my feet as I ran my hand through my hair. "She's in a coma Harry! She hit her head so hard on the dashboard, the doctors think she might have a major brain injury. She could end up with amnesia or worse, she might not wake up at all!" Mila shouted, making me fall to the floor with my hands covering my face. "Go home Harry" she sighed, "Please, I need to see her!" I sobbed. "You don't deserve too! You can't go from not caring, to suddenly giving a fuck... Besides, you have two boys that you need to take care of. Because of you, their mum might never be the same" Mila stated, before walking back into Y/N's room and leaving e with all those regrets.

I didn't leave the hospital though, I just couldn't. So, I sat in the waiting room for Hours. I had started to doze, when my phone rang. "Harry... How's Y/N? Gemma called, told me everything she knew" My mum asked in a worried tone, "I don't know, Mila won't let me see her... All for good reason though, it's all my fault. I said horrible things that I didn't mean, she left to get away fro me. If something happens to her, I don't know how I'll live with myself" I cried. "Don't think like that, Y/N's a strong woman, she'll pull through this" my mum started, "I'm just afraid that she'll leave me after this" I mumbled. " Well, if she does, you'll figure things out as Parents" Mum sighed, knowing maybe a separation was what we needed. But It only made me cry harder, because Y/N didn't deserve to be treated the way I had been treating her. I heard someone clear their throat, making me scramble. I looked up and sighed deeply, "Mum, I have to go. Y/N's mum just got here. Love you" I stated and after mum said her goodbyes, I hung up. "Harry Dear" Y/N's mum smiled sadly, as she pulled me into a hug. "How are you sweetheart?" she then asked, making me bust out in tears. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault... I'm so, so sorry" I sobbed as I shook my head, she sighed deeply hugging me tighter "Shh... None of this is your fault, it's just one giant misunderstanding. Have you seen her?". I shook my head "Mila wouldn't let me, but I just can't leave", Y/N's mum stood up while grabbing my arm "Come on". I furrowed my brows in confusion "But, Mila said I couldn't see her", "Well I'm Y/N's mother, I choose who gets to see my daughter and I know, Y/N would want you there" Sarah stated with a smile. I nodded following her down the hall, nervously rubbing my hands together. When I entered the room, I received a nasty look from Mila, but my focus was on the love of my life. Laying bruised and bandaged, peacefully asleep. I couldn't stop the tears now, they were coming full force. "Come on Mila, let's give him some time alone with her" Sarah stated sending me a small smile, Mila let out a groan "20 minutes Styles, then your gone" she spat as she followed Y/N's mum out of the room, I let out a deeps sigh as I sat next to the bed and held Y/N's limp hand. "Y/N, I know what I said was horrible and I never should have said it to begin with.. Please, just wake up. You can break up with me, take the boys, whatever. Just please, don't die. Mason and Ethan need you, Y/N. I need you" I cried, whispering all my faults to her, even though I knew she wasn't listening. The 20 minutes went fast before Mila was showing me out of the room, but I cherished the 20 minutes I did have. "Go get some rest, take care of the boys. I'll come by later with Dinner, to visit with them" Sarah stated giving me another tight hug, I nodded. Knowing I'd have to face the boys eventually and I know they didn't understand now, but I hoped that they would still be able to ave a relationship with her. And not hate me in the end. 

A week had flew past before my eyes, with being busy with work, taking care of the boys and worrying about Y/N. She had improved, she started moving little by little. I was only able to see her for 20 minutes a day, even though Y/N's mum would've allowed me longer, I just didn't want to overstay my welcome, because Mila Hated me.  About 3 days ago, I received a text from Sarah, letting me know that Y/N was finally awake, things were foggy to her though, so I was told to give her a few days before coming back and it was killing me. Just as much as It was killing the boys, not to see their mum. I had realized withing the week she's not been home, how much the boys actually talk about her. Asking My mum, Gemma and myself where their mum was. How much they missed her, why they couldn't go see her at the hospital. They were young, they didn't realize how serious this situation was. Mason only ever drew pictures of himself and Y/N, which again, I never noticed that before, but looking through his old drawings, that's all he ever drew, pictures of his mother. Ethan started acting up, screaming for Y/N, telling us only she made the best cookies and read the best stories. He'd wake up at night, crying for Y/N and it was breaking my heart. They loved her and I told her they didn't, I was so wrapped in my own life, I didn't realize what I was doing to my family. But, if Y/N would give me another chance, I would change and make it up to her for the rest of my life. So now, the boys, Gemma and I sat in the waiting room, waiting for permission to see Y/N. "When do we get to see Mummy?" Mason questioned, not looking up from his coloring page. "Soon, we have to wait for Nan to come out to get us" I sighed running my hand through my hair and passing a snack to Ethan, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, causing me to quickly pull it out. Seeing the Y/N's mum had sent me a text, letting me know that Y/N was out on a walk and we'd get to see her after. "Phone?" Ethan asked, holding his little hand out. I smiled slightly, turning on his favorite show and handing my phone to him. "Harry, he's only one. Don't get him addicted to that thing" Gemma sighed, I rolled my eyes " He never get's it, I need to keep him calm right now". She nodded, as we both heard someone walking down the hall, but my mind was other places and the boys didn't even notice. It wasn't until I felt someone sit beside me, that I acknowledged them. And there she was, hospital gown, IV, bandages, but still beautiful. She smiled at me, but it was a different smile, not as bright as it normally is. "Hi" Y/N stated, leaving me speechless because I felt something was wrong. Her mum stood in the doorway of the waiting room, looking anxious. "Adorable boys, are they yours?" Y/N asked, still wearing that blank smile. I cleared my throat sadly " Yeah, they're mine... Ours actually", she then looked at her mum, who nodded. Then she looked at the boys, who were still lost in their own worlds. Before she looked back at me confused, "I'm sorry... I don't, I don't remember you or them" she stated no longer smiling. And that's when my world really came crashing down.

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Taglist- @my-sweet-escape-from-the-world @adrianajdwa @fangirl-moment-x @the-kylialovesyou

Hey guys, I know that this isn't the greatest, but I still really hope you enjoyed. I'm still coughing like crazy, but am slowly getting better. Part 3 is going to packed full of angst, I just love angst so much, but I'll end it nicely. Thank you again for Reading, you're all so Amazing and I can't Thank you Enough for Everything. Lots of Love, Katie <3<3

[late-nightdevil]

i’m lonely, part one

read part two here

Word count: 3K

Warnings: none

Summary: loosely based of the song “fuck, i’m lonely” by lauv ft. anne-marie or where Calum dumped Brooklyn and now neither of them are happy

Authors Note: honestly this is shit and i’m sorry but i’m trying to get back into writing and practice makes perfect right?? requests & feedback are openly welcome!!

It’s been sixteen months since my life was destroyed.

Well, that’s a little dramatic.

It’s been sixteen months since my heart was ripped out of my chest, stomped on the ground, thrown into a pot of boiling water until it disintegrated into nothing but remnants of a girl who thought she could love a boy; leaving behind the broken pieces of her soul and no way to put them back together.

Okay, maybe I’m a little dramatic.

But who wouldn’t be after getting dumped by your boyfriend of two years, who doubled as your best friend for even longer? With nothing more than a pathetic, “I want to explore my options,” as a reason to break my heart?

Oh fucking well I guess, such is life. Situations like those are what lessons are bred from, and you learn to move on. It’s been an incredibly difficult ride, but sex, parties, and a lot of alcohol seemed to solve all my issues pretty efficiently. And by solved, of course I mean pushed so far into the back of my mind that I couldn’t possibly need to deal with them anytime soon.

So tonight, like any other Friday night in a hopeless college town, I’ll be attending a party at one of the many frat houses that thrive off of girls like me - girls who just want to forget.

“Brookie, have you seen your pink dress anywhere? I can’t find it.”

My attention is quickly stolen away from the current daze I was in, eyes locking in on Melissa swiftly moving my clothes back and forth in the closet. “What’s wrong with that you’re wearing?”

She huffed aggressively, as if the question was uncalled for. “Michael is supposed to be there tonight, I can’t wear jeans! Do you know how hard it is to be seductive in jeans?”

I mutter a smart, “it’s not hard if you do it right,” but it fell on deaf ears. Standing from my bed and walking behind her, my gaze settles on the dress in question in a matter of moments. “Here, go change. We’re supposed to leave in less than an hour and you’re nowhere near done.”

Her lips land on my cheek in a quick peck, following a ‘thank you!’ as she heads to the bathroom to get ready. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at her eagerness. Melissa has had eyes on the edgy guitar player for months now, but lacks the amount of confidence to do anything other than stalk him at every social gathering. Deciding on becoming her wing-woman, I downplay my outfit into a simple white crop top and high-waisted, distressed shorts.

Mel had been there for the break up as a shoulder to cry on and soon became an easy friend. She was sweet enough to introduce me to her group, a few more girls and a couple of guys who were all truly kind people. After learning of my situation, they all were very supportive and offered a hand in back up if I ever wanted to take revenge on the boy who tore me apart. Shocking even to myself, however, I never took them up on that offer. He switched majors and I never really saw him again, spending most of his time on a different side of campus, I guess. Better for the both of us.

She stepped out of the bathroom thirty minutes later, makeup and hair done to the nines. Her princess-like ambiance battled my simple attire, but it fit us well. I took my hair out of the Dutch braids I had it in, letting the waves fall naturally just below my shoulders. My simple makeup from the day would do fine, just a touch more of my trusty burgundy lipstick and I was ready to go. As if the universe was on my side, we both soon receive a text from the group chat, signaling their arrival. I grabbed my flannel, and Melissa, and headed out the door.

Fifteen minutes later and we pull onto the proper street, cars were lined up and down the entire block. Ashton, the lucky one who drew the straw for designated driver, soon parked near the house as someone else was leaving.

“Two am guys, meet back here.” He swung his arm over his girlfriends shoulder and made his way into the house before Melissa and me, along with the rest of the group.

“Alright Mel, we only have one mission tonight: get you laid.” She blushed softly and giggled at my blunt words, but nodded her head in agreement. “Just stay close, let me know if you see him first. I have a plan.”

I didn’t, really, but I’m quite good on my feet. I’m sure I can come up with something on the spot.

Arms linked, for now at least, I dragged her to the kitchen to help take the edge off and start tonight off right. I grab the first bottle of dark liquor I see, along with two red cups, and pour a shot in each of them.

“Cheers!” We say in unison, before repeating the glorious ceremony a few more times. The crowded living room soon draws us in, enveloping is in the mass of people who just want to dance their worries away. Our bodies move together as we face the opposite ways, still on the eager search for the dirty-blonde haired boy.

I can feel the small amounts of alcohol begin to make its course through my bloodstream, heating every ounce of my body that it touches. A familiar song comes on and I can’t help but lose myself in it; well, moreso the memories it holds. Flashbacks of nights spent together in blissful happiness seem to cloud my rational thoughts. The need to feel the comfort of his hands on my waist becomes an overwhelming feeling that I can’t, and really don’t want to, ignore.

I need another drink.

My body whips around to let Melissa know, but I find myself face to face with a stranger, my friend nowhere to be seen. Assuming she slipped away for the same reason I wanted to, I find my way back to the kitchen, but not before catching a glimpse of my pink dress; the only recognizable object peeking through the silhouette of a certain guitarist.

Good for her.

I continued my journey to the kitchen and quickly mix the first two things I found that made sense, vodka and lemonade of course, and filled my cup to the brim with it. Before I knew it, half the cup was down my throat, and I could soon feel the bass of every song synching to my heart beat.

“Rough night, Brooke?” Smooth fingers made their way around my waist and the smell of vanilla musk filled my nostrils. It was comforting, to say the least.

My body naturally leaned into his chest. “I’m alright, Luke. Just washing away some memories, s’all.” I shot him a reassuring smile, which he returned with a kiss on the top of my head.

Luke and I have both been through a rough break up recently and we’ve helped each other in various ways. He’s one of Melissa’s friends that I bonded to early on, he’s just so easy to talk to. Plus, you know, we have casual friends-with-benefits sex every once in a while. A great coping mechanism, really.

“You know I’m willing to help with whatever you need, babe. Just say the word.” He placed another kiss, this time low on my cheek, in a suggestive manner.

I considered taking him up on his offer, seeing as my mission has been concluded for the night. Just as I’m going to finish my drink and take him upstairs, I hear an unmistakable sound that brought chills to my spine.

Laughter.

Not just any laughter, but laughter I haven’t heard in over a year, and thought I’d never hear again.

Oh how I wanted to be wrong. To tell myself it’s just the drinks, the music, and how a bunch of people must have the same voice. How there’s no way in hell I’m about to face my fears while under the influence.

My first instinct is to run and hide, and not come out until it was two a.m. and my group would congregate together again. My second instinct, which seemed to be influenced by the liquid courage coursing through me, was to act like he didn’t even exist. To go upstairs with Luke and fuck his brains out, effectively forgetting this is even happening.

Both of those options flew out the window when he came into sight.

First it was his arm, littered with tattoos that I've traced with my tongue, and new ones that have yet to be touched. The bicep that seemed to flex whenever he laughed, as if he couldn't help but draw attention from every girl in the room with such subtleties. Then it was the shirt; red border on the sleeves and presumptuously on the collar as well, a clean white base seems bright against his tan skin. Words poked out, above and below a set of red lips, but my brain was too focused elsewhere to comprehend the letters. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw next. As my eyes traveled up his striking body, my sights set on the bleach blonde hair atop his head. A stark contrast to the black waves that were there before; and some part of me deep down really likes it.

I hadn’t noticed how tightly I clung onto the tall boy at my side, as if he could protect me from my thoughts. After gathering enough strength to stop my staring, I looked up at Luke, a silent plea escaping my lips. His features laced with concern as his eyes followed the path mine had just left.

His eyes grew wide with the realization of my dilemma and sprung into action. With an arm wrapped tight around my shoulders, he turns us around to head deeper into the kitchen. The back door comes into sight and just as I begin collecting my thoughts, a soft, curious voice rang through my ears, making me stop in tracks.

“Brooklyn?”

It was as if the world had gone silent. The dull thumping of the music, the monotone beat of my heart, and the dismal whispers of the crowded mansion disappeared as my name left his lips.

My muscles tightened as my senses heightened, the atmosphere grew cold and dry. I couldn’t speak even if I wanted to. Every ounce of my being was screaming run; run away, run and hide to the far corners of the earth, run and bury my head deep into the earth so that I could never hear him utter my name ever again.

But I couldn’t do it.

I stayed, planted in my spot, like I was waiting for a burning fire to consume me whole. What was mere moments stretched into hours in my mind. The next sound I could comprehend was the hoarse tone of Luke saying my name, and I immediately hated the way it sounded coming from his lips.

“C’mon, babe. Go outside. I’ll take care of this.” His arm squeezed mine protectively, which I usually find comforting, but right now I just want him to leave my side.

He urges me towards the door, but I stay still. My confidence slowly comes back to me and I utter a quiet, “no.” I was saying no to going outside, no to leaving my situation and problems behind. But it was more than that. “No, I can’t.. I- I need..”

What?

What do I need?

I need to continue avoiding my problems, pushing them deeper and deeper until they disappear again.

Or do I need to face him? Say all the things I didn’t get to say when he crushed my soul the first time?

Am I even strong enough to do that?

I threw back the rest of the drink in my cup as if it were water. The burning sensation felt good, soon helping me regain control of my not-so-sober thoughts. “I need to talk to him. Luke, just go outside, I’ll be right there.”

His eyes showed signs of disappointment, knowing there was no way he could talk me out of it. His eyes glanced over at the patient boy behind me before kissing my forehead tenderly. “Come get me if you need me, baby.” His tone rose loud enough that I’m sure he heard. This whole moment would’ve been truly endearing if it hadn’t been an act of protection. Luke and I were nowhere near being a couple, but that wouldn’t stop the jealous boy behind me from reacting to what he witnessed.

Luke walked out the back door and I slowly turned around, silently thanking the alcohol for the encouragement. His brown eyes bore into mine and my heart ached at the glimpse of pain inside them. We both took a step forward to close the space between us and I let go of the massive breath I’ve been holding in.

“Calum.”

“That’s some bodyguard of a boyfriend you have there. Didn’t expect you to.. move on, into that direction I mean.” His words come out slow and unsure, alcohol evident on his breath. His smell was intoxicating, a smooth mix of his signature cologne with the rum based cocktail still in his hand.

“He’s..” my immediate reaction was to explain myself, unfolding for him as if he even deserved a response. “He’s my friend. Just trying to look out for me.” I couldn’t take my stare away from his stern gaze, not breaking contact even to blink, as if he were afraid I’d disappear the second he looked away.

Our eyes searched each other’s souls for what must’ve been an eternity until I gathered the muster to speak again. “You changed your hair.”

A small smirk showed on his lips at the obvious observation. His eyes moved up to survey my hair, which has been dyed black and cut short since he last saw me. A finger came up slowly and wrapped itself around a dark curl, gently stroking the strand, admiring it. “You did too. It suits you. I really like it.” The smile on his lips grew a little, and I couldn’t help but mirror it.

The air grew thin once we went silent. Small talk didn’t feel right. I wanted to pull his body into mine, connecting us once more and never letting go again. Until I remember that I’m not the one who let him go the first time.

“I was looking for that flannel the other day.” He grinned wide enough for his teeth to show and my heart all but exploded. “I can’t believe I forgot that I gave that to you. It looks way better on you than it ever did on me.” His finger moved down to lightly trace the collar, dangerously close to my neck. His words were as smooth as butter and I was ready to melt into his touch, but I had to stay strong. Or at least act like I was.

“I never really got a chance to give it back to you.” I tore my attention away from his face, looking down at our feet. “Why are you here, Calum? I’ve never seen you on this side of campus. You hate parties.”

His touch left and I felt the atmosphere grow colder at the loss. “A friend wanted company. I owed them a favor.” He was withholding something from me, the sudden drop in his tone and lack of eye contact proved it. “What about you? I thought you hated alcohol.”

He gestures his cup towards my empty one and just a bit of anger boils inside me. Before I could catch myself, I slipped out words laced with bitterness. “It’s the only thing that’s been able to temporarily numb the pain.”

The look in his eyes turned sorrowful, as if he is just now realizing how difficult even simple conversation is for me. “Brooke.. I still think about you, about us..” He stepped forward once more, closing the space between us. The warmth radiating off his hand crept onto my cheek, barely skimming the surface before a shrill voice took us out of our trance.

“Cal! There you are!” A flash of blonde pulled us apart, grabbing onto his shoulders from behind, trying to turn him to face her. The reluctance in his eyes was noticeable, and his body visibly stiffened at her touch. He wants her here even less than I do.

“Vicky, give me a minute, I’m kinda-“ he tries to brush her hands off, but her eyes whole body slumps against his back. She didn’t like being dismissed. I didn’t like being lied to.

“It’s alright, Cal. You seem.. preoccupied.” I smack on a fake smile that I knew he could see right through. Placing my cup on the nearby counter, I peek back at the same face I’ve been dying to see for months, now dressed in a regret that I’d never expect. We stood silent, not the slightest bit of motion coming from either of us, as if our hearts had stopped together. As if the dream was over, and we were ready to wake up. I had to leave before it turned into a nightmare.

One last look in his mournful eyes and I was done.

“Goodnight, Calum. It was nice seeing you.”

[boogiewrites]

Reports and Repertoire Pt. 3

Characters: Eddie Brock x Candace Miller (OFC)

Word Count:  4700+

Summary: As the month's pass, Eddie and Candace turn into good friends. As it goes when two people that are attracted to each other, spending a great deal of time around each other, the facades they've created to appear better than they are starting to falter. Sometimes this is a good thing, moving their relationship forward, sometimes this is a bad thing, making them have to stop and reflect on their decisions. Eddie has a breakthrough that will lead to the end of their working together on this case and Candy is left with making a decision because the rule of 'I can't sleep with him because we work together.' will shortly, no longer apply.

Warnings/Tags: Language.Fluffy, getting to know you, conversations of a sexual nature, mentions of mild violence.

Positive feedback is MUCH appreciated! Reblogs, likes, asks and comments feed me to write more! Let me know if you’d like tagged in my work.

My Masterlist.

Over the next two months Eddie and Candace find a lot of their downtime being dedicated to the case and to each other. They see each other at least once a week, spending entire Saturdays together as he starts volunteering with her at the shelter. They text each other almost every day, whether it's about the case or not. The topics had started to drift to things besides work as they'd gotten comfortable with each other.

About a month into the partnership, she'd muttered, "I bet Eddie would like that." while she was out with Stephanie. Her friend rolled her head obviously to her, giving her a knowing smirk. The flush in Candace's face let her know that this was certainly past just being co-workers.

They hadn't moved past being friends, there was still a line drawn in that sort of behavior. Even although their nights were spent practically on top of each other, hiding in dark, tight alleyways and him putting her on his shoulders to get a better shot for the footage they needed. Despite the physicality, there were still no obvious signs of romance growing that were going unnoticed. She really did like the man, and he seemed to like her as well. There was a comfortable nature of their relationship now, he'd let her come to his place, she'd let him come to hers. They'd even fallen asleep on the couch together while waiting for a video to finish rendering. But there were no stolen glances, no lingering physical touches to speak of that she could recall. The only sentimental advancement had been him switching to calling her by her nickname instead of her full name.

On one of their late nights, Candace talks to Steph on facetime. Steph is out and she sounds drunk and Candace is telling her to go home in a playful way.

"But Caaaaaandyyyy." she whines before she laughs loudly.

He watches the love on Candace's face as she laughs and points her finger to scold her friend, He keeps sipping away at his beer. Candy. He ponders the nickname. It fit her empathetic face and her kind actions. He lets a little smile come to his lips, watching her laugh and roll her eyes, the alcohol letting him get swept away in thought about how nice she'd been to him, what a good person she was, what a great friend she'd been.

She closes out the call, shaking her head and looks over to see Eddie watching her. "She's not usually that much of a mess." she smirks. The fact that she's defending her friend's drunken actions makes him speak before he thinks about it.

"She called you Candy." he states.

"Yeah it's a nickname." she shrugs dismissively.

"She call you that because you're so sweet?" he blurts out, he covers for himself by laughing and rubbing the back of his neck.

"It's a shortened form of Candace but...I don't mind that interpretation." her shoulders shake while she laughs.

"I like it, y'know." he shrugs as she doesn't take her inquisitive eyes from him. "Suits you." he gives a hesitant nod and a closed lip smile grows across her face.

"Because I'm sweet?" her eyes are confident, not shifting like his.

"Well...yeah." he looks down and lets out a nervous chuckle, cheeks flushing slightly. After a few moments of silence, Candace's eyes watching his anxious body language he speaks again. "You..." he pauses swinging his eyes back up to meet hers. "You mind if I call you that?"

"Candy or sweet?" she grins, surprisingly finding his behavior to be very adorable.

"Both?" he asks with a scrunched up face and tilted head, reminding her a puppy that heard a sound it was unsure of.

"How about this," she says, shifting her body towards his. "You can call me Candy in public, as long as you don't call me sweet around anyone else." she let's out a warm laugh that makes a dopey smile come across his face.

"I can do that." he says with an almost proud expression on his face that she found to be very charming. ---------------------- She didn't have to live in total denial about the fact that the man was attractive anymore to function around him, which was nice. He was human now, a peer instead of someone unreachable, but she had found that was making her more attracted to him, which she hadn't expected. By this point, most men were annoying her to the point of their level of attractiveness being irrelevant. But that hadn't happened with Eddie. Not yet anyway. It'd been almost two months, and she kept finding herself smiling when she'd see he texted her and she doesn't recall that happening anytime in her recent memory. She'd had a handful of racy dreams about him, but she wrote those off as her brain trying to take care of her needs that weren't being fulfilled and he was the closest male in her life.

------

One day she went over to his apartment unannounced, not the most polite thing to do, but she wanted to pick up her USB so she could work. When she arrived he answered the door soaked in sweat, tugging earbuds out of his ears.

"Hey." she says flatly, trying to ignore the way the white shirt clung to his body, the grey sweats that hung low on his lips. She had the thought that it wasn't her fault she was swallowing the drool the sight had caused if he was going to wear the official 'fuck me' uniform of hot guys.

"Oh hey Candy!" he says with a big smile, endorphins pumping away inside him. "What's up? Somethin' wrong?" his voice changes to concerned.

"No," she shakes her head, taking a pause that lasted too long. "I needed my USB, I know you said you'd bring it tomorrow but you know me." she shrugs and lets out a small breathy laugh.

"Yeah, work work work," he says with a teasing nod. She has to watch him walk all the way to the other side of his apartment and his solid, stocky form doing that masculine shoulder shifting saunter that caught her eye in the first place. He tosses the towel he'd had on his shoulder onto the weight bench after ruffling his hair with it. She rolls her eyes at herself and how the muscles in his arms and across his shoulder shifted as he did so. Man, she needed to get ahold of herself. And get laid, she concludes. She recovers in time for it to look like she wasn't staring at him as he returns with the object in hand. "Here ya go." he says entirely too casually for the way her pulse was speeding up.

"Thanks, Eddie." Why did it feel dirty to say his name when he looked like this?  "I'll see you tomorrow." she nods and turns quickly to walk in a controlled way, maybe she swung her hips a little more than necessary, maybe ran her fingers through her hair so her jacket would lift up enough to show her ass a bit.

He leaned out the doorway watching her leave, and man did he enjoy the sight of it. WIth the hormones still going as fast as his heartbeat, he lets out a low groan as she disappears down the stairs. Working out usually resulted in jerking off in the shower, and it seemed this would end no differently, but at least now he had some clear inspiration.

When Eddie was checking out at his local corner store, Mrs. Chen asking him why he was buying two packs of different beer instead of his usual one, it dawns on him he'd done so without thinking much about it. He knew Candace would be over at some point and she liked this beer, so he'd gotten it so he'd have it for her. He plays it off, but he can't lie to himself in the face of an obvious behavior like this. Not when it was coupled with varies other signs he'd swept under the rug.

He hadn't been looking for or expecting to find what he had in Candace. At first, she was a distraction. She quickly became a welcome one and with that, seeing her started to be something he looked forward to. At first, he'd focused on the work, assuming the feel-good hangover he'd have was just him being happy to get back out there again but it soon became obvious to him it wasn't only the work. He felt better when he was around her, like he was his old self again, someone that mattered.

The real turning point for their relationship together had been one particular night of hiding out. They were finally getting the footage they needed. Trying to remain non-partisan and let the events fold out how they may and only documenting, not interfering, had come to a head for Eddie. As the cops antagonized the two women to fight each other his fists clenched, he let out a low growl of a noise.

"Eddie calm down." Candace whispers curtly, eyes still on the camera screen.

"But look at 'em Candy, look what they're makin' those poor girls do." he almost whines, his toes gripping into his sneakers as he pushes up the sleeves of his hoodie.

"What are you doing?" she snaps at him in a whisper, grabbing his forearm and keeping him out of sight.

"I"ve got help them out, we can't just let 'em do this, we know them." he turns back to look at her before trying to move again but she yanks him back into the alley, setting the camera down in the direction of the action and pushing him against a wall.

"This is why we're here Eddie," she says sharply. "If we don't record it, we won't have evidence and if you intervene now, our cover is blown and no one will be getting anything for anyone. If they get hurt, the payout from a settlement they get will make it worth it if we do this right. There have been no deaths since this started, so just take a big breath, put on your big girl panties and let's do our job." she says just inches from him. Her tone is annoyed, her eyes serious as they burn into his emotionally torn ones.

As she holds him against the wall with both hands to his chest she can feel his heart racing. She keeps a strong look into his eyes and when his face wines and twitches, looking to the side to the sound of the women fighting she grabs his chin and makes him look at her. He feels sometimes inside him shift.

"Eddie. We've worked too hard to blow this now. And I'm not going to let you fuck this up for us." she says in an even, cool tone. Her whispered orders make his brain pay attention, despite her being shorter, although only by a few inches, he feels as if she shrinks him down with her actions.

His chest heaves only once more, before his eyes go back to a normal width, the deep blue now calmer, his brow lowering and resting heavy again above them. He licks his lips and swallows noisily.

"Okay," he whispers, a quick grouping of nods. With that she releases the rough stubbled cheeks under her fingers, hand still on his chest.

Her face softens but doesn't lose its edge. He notices the freckles on her cheeks, the sharp dip of her cupid's bow as his eyes nervously dart over her features. "You're right. You're right Candy." he says quietly. He averts his eyes like a scolded puppy, his heart still beating fast but no longer because of anger. He knew certain things about himself, what role he naturally fell into, and it seemed she also naturally fell into a certain role of her own with him at that moment.

She leans away, hand still on his chest, "Okay." she says softly, finally releasing the pressure on his chest that held him against the wall. His posture slumps immediately and she can tell he's ashamed. She's relieved he didn't fight back, although a part of her felt like she knew he wouldn't. -------- Back at her apartment, she's going over the footage to see what's salvageable, letting out a heavy sigh when his little episode makes the ending of the action unusable. She lets out a heavy sigh, putting her thumbnail in her mouth to gnaw at it as she stared at the screen.

"I'm sorry about that." he says again, unprovoked.

"I know." is all she says and from the corner of her eye she sees him slump again.

"I just-" he lets out a huff of breath. "I get really caught up in the work."

She nods, still looking at the screen. She wasn't mad at him, annoyed, but not angry. He'd apologized and done nothing out of turn since. "That happen often?" she finally asks, turning her head to him, resting her jaw on her hand.

"Oh, well...I mean sometimes, yeah." he says with twitching lips.

"Is that what happened with Drake?" she asks bluntly. Face set to that cold indifference to match her tone and he feels his chest tighten.

He hadn't expected the question, but he certainly deserved it. "I found out he was doin' these experiments that were killing people. I had to do someth-"

"No you didn't." she interrupts him and his mouth, hanging open like a fish closes again. "There are rules, procedures with these kinds of things. You're too smart to act like that, Eddie. You've got to get control of your emotions. If you don't they'll run away with you." she says before taking a deep breath and sighing, setting her back straight again on the couch. "You'll just keep sabotaging yourself if you don't." her face isn't as hard as it was, it wasn't exactly pity but he felt that the words came from a place of kindness even if they didn't feel like it.

"Yeah," he says quietly, looking away and nodding. "I know that. I do. I'm just-I'm sorry, alright?" he looks back over to her, swinging his head as if it were heavy.

She reaches out and pats his knee. "I'm not mad at you Eddie," she says with a frown. "I just don't want you to jeopardize this. Okay? It means too much to me and I need to know I can trust you." her hand stays on his thigh, he finds the touch comforting.

"You can." he nods, his apologetic voice soft in its delivery. "I'll do better next time." he leans forward slightly, and she sees in his eyes that he means it.

"Alright," she says with a friendly inflection. "But now we've got to go back again and try to get the last half of this footage. We'll have to see the same thing happen and you won't try to interfere next time, right?" her voice is back to its usual warmth, her hand squeezing his leg slightly.

"I won't. I swear." he feels the fear of losing this opportunity, the fear of losing her, this new woman that he'd ushered into his life at that moment. He bites his lip, brow heavy, and a solemn nod.

She returns the gesture, a quick pat to his knee again before her hands move back to the laptop to start dissecting the footage. She was only half paying attention. He really was sorry, she hoped he'd keep his word. She believed he would. She wasn't particularly pleased with her own feelings at his reaction though, she saw how pitiful he could be and instead of finding it to be a major turn off, his vulnerability was somehow very endearing to her. Maybe he was feeling fragile still, she didn't know the entirety of his personal life, just the glimpses he'd allowed her at his local bar, his apartment, the buzzed, late night conversations that got a little deep suddenly with the lack of sleep and physical closeness added to the concoction.

She didn't want him to let her down, she knew that for sure, and not just for business reasons. As she chews the inside of her cheek, messing with the brightness on the footage to see what she could improve, she realizes she'd really miss Eddie if she had to stop working with him. This project wouldn't last forever, they were in the final acts of it now and she feels an odd twisting in her stomach at the thought of not getting to be around him like she was now. She mouses over the same tract of audio again, hearing their whispers to each other over the background sound of the thumps and bangs of fighting. A thought and a problem for another day, she thinks, compartmentalizing the personal from the professional again. --------

Candace and Steph sat in her apartment. Candace had just been a guest on her friend's podcast, they were finished up and now Steph sat on the couch, one headphone in and messing with the recording software. Candace's phone rings, she sips from her long-stemmed glass and reads a text from Eddie.

"That who I think it is?" Steph grins, looking over with raised brows over her own glass as Candace.

"Yeah, he's gonna bring up my USB. Says he's got something to go over with me."

"I bet he does." she snorts.

"I've got two friends meeting for the first time happening here so if you could behave and not scare him off I'd appreciate it. We're close to wrapping this thing up." Steph opens her mouth and Candace points a finger in her face. "You make a condom joke I'm gonna throw this Moscato at you." she threatens with a smile.

"You're no fun." she shakes her head and laughs, eyes moving back to her screen. "I was gonna say I didn't know you were into voyeurism...wrappin' it up with me here. Maybe I should have you talk about that next time."

"Not that I'm not open-minded, but that never really did anything for me."

"You aren't really a, sit on the sidelines kind of person."

"Thank you." she smiles smugly. "I would be inclined to agree."

"I think your cold calculation mixed with your warm honesty will work well with my listeners," she says with a nod. "I mean, everyone fantasizes about a woman in a position of power don't they?" she smirks.

"I'll keep talking about the dichotomy of in the street versus in the bedroom if it'll help." she shrugs.

Steph had a podcast about sexuality, same subject of her blog that accompanied it. She'd started it after getting on at a sex shop years ago. It started as little blurbs about customers habits, finding people were fascinated with others interests and purchases so she decided to branch out. So it couldn't really be helped if she had sex on the brain constantly.

"What I like about you is you don't do the strong woman in the streets and the baby girl in the sheets." she grins, fingers tapping away at her laptop.

Candace shrugs, "I'm sure it's some deep seeded need for control and fear of losing it in a world of traditionally male power structures but being a bottom has just never really been my thing." she chuckles, sinking into the couch. "But you know me, I'm always down to try something new." she shrugs, taking another drink.

"And that's why I love you." she smiles, clinking their glasses together. There's a knock on the door. "Speaking of bottoms." Steph mutters in her wine glass and Candace feels just buzzed enough to snort and give an eyebrow wiggle in response. Steph is sure to watch every move the two make while they interact with each other. She's been onto Candace's coy little smiles and mentioning Eddie one too many times in their conversations as of late for her to not think something was going on between them.

"Hey Eddie." she practically coos out, meeting him with a pushed out hip and the wine glass in her hand.

"Hey Candy," he says, eyes bright and meeting hers. Steph smirks to herself at hearing that she's letting Eddie call her by her nickname. "I got your thing here." he says pulling one hand out the pocket of his denim jacket, handing it to her.

"Thanks for bringing it, you didn't have to." she says, ushering him in and shutting the door, taking the USB to her desk on the other end of the studio apartment.

"Nah, I was driving through." he lies. His eyes meet Stephanie's as she indifferently studied him, having noticed him watching Candy as she walked away from him. "You're...Steph, right?" he asks, pointing a finger at her, a friendly smile on his face.

"That'd be me." she smiles and nods. "Nice to finally meet the infamous Eddie Brock." she smirks.

"Oh." he lets out a huff of a laugh, Candace eyeballing her friend, a look of warning. She was making him nervous and she didn't want her to. "I don't know about all that." he shakes his head.

"Don't mind her. She's territorial over me is all." Candace interjects, patting Eddie's arm as she moves into the kitchen.

"Can't blame me." she shrugs, "Can you Eddie?" her voice is teasing and Eddie's eyes narrow slightly. He wasn't threatened but gives her a knowing smile in return.

"No I cannot." he says with a more certain nod, his eyes moving back to Candace.

Steph gives him a nod of solidarity. Okay, maybe not so much a total pushover. Eddie was updated in the profile she was building of him in her head. His retort had earned him a few points in her eyes.

"What was it you wanted to go over with me?" Candace interrupts the power struggle.

Eddie's mouth hangs open for a moment, gathering his thoughts as he pulls a small notebook out of his pocket. He motions his hand to Steph who had gone back to looking at her screen.

"Oh, you can talk about anything around her, it's fine." she says in an informative but obvious tone.

"I was tracking the locations again last night and I noticed somethin'." he says, standing next to her, bodies turned in towards the other, the notebook between them as Candy leaned in to follow his ringed finger as it tapped the page.

Steph stealthily watches from her seat. Look at that body language, she thought. Both touching and seeming totally comfortable with it, they were farther along than she'd given them credit for.

"I looked at the arrest dates and ran that with the patrols we observed, the nights they hassled versus the nights they actually booked anyone and it seems these two shifts, are the ones that have the most activity. Three officers rotating on them so far, they might be the ones doing this, I don't think it's all them in the area, just isolated incidents. So that means we've got tomorrow and Sunday night for potential action."

Candace and Steph both look at him with impressed looks on their faces. The boy was smart, they had to give that to him. A man with observation skills that keen, she thought they were only a myth.

"Look at you, Brock!" Candace says with a big grin, her hip knocking into his side. "That'll save us a ton of time." she says with an enthusiastic nod, taking a sip of wine.

"I thought, y'know, it'd help since I kinda went and fucked up the footage last time." he says quietly, lips pursed, eyes meeting hers that were still saying he was sorry.

"I think this cancels it out as far as I'm concerned," she says in a warm tone that makes him sigh in relief. "You want to try for tomorrow?" she asks, her voice inflected upwards with curiosity.

"If that's good for you, it's good for me." he shrugs with high brows that give over the reigns to her once again.

"Then it's a date." Steph snorts from the couch.

Candy frowns, one eyebrow quirked up at her friend who is looking rather smug and not making eye contact as she types away. Eddie stays straight-faced, only his eyes moving over to Steph. As he lets out a small laugh Candy's face shifts back to its normal pleasant expression as they meet eyes again. "You wanna pick me up at the usual time?" she asks, rolling her eyes at the antics of her friend.

"Yeah, sure. You wanna grab something on the way? That way I don't have to hear you complain about bodega hot dogs all night?"

Steph laughs from her seat. Candance fakes a look of offense taken. "They're awful, I make no apologies."

"Wasn't askin' for one." he says with an attractive smile, his shoulders hunching in defense, taking a few steps back towards the door.

She pauses, eyes looking at his face, quickly taking in the broad expanse of him so close before returning to his face. "That's a good idea. Gonna be a long night." she says, following him.

"Might get dangerous." he says, with a wrinkle of his nose and a tilt of his head as he stands in the doorway as she holds open the door.

"I know, but that's what I've got you for," she says softly with a smile, putting her hand on his bicep, pretending not to get distracted by how solid he felt. She gives his arm a pat and he gives her that quirky little half smile in return. "If we're together we'll be fine." she says reassuringly.

"You're probably right." he nods, looking at the ground, then only his eyes looking up to meet hers, shooting her a glance that takes her off guard with how good he looked as he took a moment to look her over. "I'll see ya at 8, Candy." he says in a soft voice, a little almost cocky nod to accompany it.

"See ya, Eddie. Be careful." she says after him, holding a hand up to acknowledge the order. She turns, back against the door to see Steph staring at her.

"My fucking god, are you KIDDING me?" she says with wide eyes loudly.

Candace shuffles towards her, shushing her before plopping on the couch next to her.

"He is somehow SO much hotter in person. Jesus Christ." Steph says exasperatedly, fanning her face. Candace let's out a sigh, taking a big drink of wine. "He wore the hell out of that denim jacket." she adds with a nod, looking to the door.

"He wears the hell out of everything." she quietly admits. "I squeezed his bicep. That was a mistake. He's...ugh..." she rests her head on the couch back.

"Bitch. Seriously." she says shoving her friend's arm.

"I KNOW," she says as if she's angry. "But we're working together, dude, I can't sleep with him." she whines, taking another big drink.

"Yes, drink more, wine makes you horny, I want some honest answers." she laughs, tilting the glass into Candace's mouth as she sputters and laughs. "He's too fine, Candy. And he was nice. When's the last time you met a hot, nice guy?"

"Never." she states with a deadpan delivery.

"When this job's over if you don't sleep with him I'm fucking going to!" she says with a grin.

"Couldn't blame you." she shakes her head.

"So are you going to? I mean, you clearly like each other, not in the playground like-like sense but genuinely as people."

"Which somehow means more, doesn't it?"

"Exactly. You don't have to go bringing feelings into it. You're both adults, both professionals. If this is a world where two smart hot people can't bang one out just 'cause then I don't wanna live in it!" she says loudly, taking a big drink of wine.

"I'll drink to that." Candace laughs and she and Steph clink glasses, realizing she'd have to make an actual decision soon, which prompts her to down the rest of the contents of the glass in one go.

Pt. 4 (NSFW)

@raceylacy​ @emerald-bijou​ @negansdirtygirl22​ @brianaisasongbird​ @vale0413 @izzy-the-ginger @chortletortoise @onomatopoetic-aesthetic @anrm1 @jademox

[mybipolar-coaster]

An Introduction

I would like to say it was an easy decision to write down my experiences thus far in life but that would be a lie. I don’t really consider myself an interesting person. As a matter of fact, I consider myself rather boring. I like boring things like history and science. I studied statistics in university. I’ve led what I would consider an amazingly average life. That is, until late last year when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder, or as those in the states would call it, Bipolar I. Since then, so many things in my life have clicked into place. Things that had always seemed unusual now had a reason behind them, a cause. I had something I could point to and say, “that’s why”. Since being diagnosed I have found an entire community online of people both living with the disorder and coping with the fallout of it. I have also had my own share of trials and ordeals to deal with since my diagnosis, but that’s getting ahead of myself a bit. First, let me explain what it was that finally made me commit to writing this blog. I am currently waiting for the right opportunity to ask the girl I have been dating for the past 10 years to marry me. I have the ring. I know the when, I know the where. The how is still slightly eluding me but I think a small amount of improvisation on that front won’t hurt. This is what made me want to write this blog. I wanted to detail my feelings leading up to asking the question. I hope to portray the excitement and nerves leading up to the moment of truth so that afterwards I can get my (hopefully) fiancée to read back and see how much thought, work and planning went into this and how much I love her. But then I thought, “hey, why stop there”? I could keep the blog going afterwards, talk about ordinary, every-day things. Perhaps even give people an insight into how I live with my condition and how it affects those around me. I have always been a creative person and I enjoy writing, so maybe this could be a new hobby for me. I certainly hope so. So, this will be the first post in a hopefully ongoing series of blog posts. However, in the off chance that my girlfriend does happen to stumble upon this blog, I will be operating under strict anonymity for the time being. I won’t say my name, or the name of anyone that could be used to identify me in these blogs, at least until after I’ve popped the question, but everything else within will be true. I think an ideal first post then, would be for me to give a quick recap of my life so far, and give you the reader an introduction to my life and how my messed-up brain works. I hope you enjoy!

I was born in the UK in the early 90’s (trying to be vague) into a working-class family. My dad worked as an electrician in a dog-food factory and my mum volunteered as a cook in a nursing home. My parents were quite old when they had me, so there is a large age gap between me and the rest of my family. In fact, when I was born both of my older brothers were teenagers. My mum says that one of my brothers refused to talk to her or my dad for a year after they told him they were pregnant because he was so disgusted that they were still having sex “at their age”. Having an older family definitely has its advantages though. When I was young, all my siblings had jobs, so I got four times the amount of presents that most other kids got. I should point out that I also have a sister, who is the closest in age to me. Growing up, me and my sister got on like oil and water. I’m surprised my mum managed to survive through my early years – in the same year my sister turned sixteen I was going through my “terrible twos”. I have always been a mummy’s boy. Even now that I’m in my 20’s, I get on great with my mum and have a good relationship with her. I bring up my mum because she was my first ever contact with mental illnesses. My mum had panic attacks and generalised anxiety when I was younger. I have multiple memories of us being somewhere and my mum suddenly bursting into floods of tears, sometimes running away, and my dad having to track her down and console her. It was an incredibly scary experience as a child but, to my mum’s credit, she did a great job of explaining things as she calmed down. She would tell me it wasn’t anyone’s fault, that it was something that was medically wrong with her like being sick and that I shouldn’t blame myself for her attacks. Her explanations were pivotal in my understanding of mental illnesses and my dad’s behaviour during these attacks served as an example to me for the rest of my life on how to deal with a crisis situation.

Even far back in my childhood, symptoms of my bipolar were there. It was subtle, but there were things about me that made me different from other kids. I could be morose or have fits of worry every now and then. I would worry about dying, or someone in my family being hurt. I was very young when I realised that, because there was such a big age gap between me and the rest of my family, I was most likely going to have to watch my whole family die. I’d have to attend their funerals, possibly give speeches, and then I’d be left alone at the end. This terrified me as a child and even now it still serves as a strange sort of morbid obsession during my low days. For instance, I have the speech I will give at my father’s funeral memorised and have done for quite some time. My dad isn’t even ill and shows no signs of kicking the bucket anytime soon, but it plays in my head so often that I’ll be prepared for when that day comes. In fact, I’ll be prepared in more ways than one. Ever since I was a child, I have been experiencing a symptom of bipolar affective disorder that I didn’t even realise was unusual until I was diagnosed. I spent my entire life thinking everyone got this at certain points in their lives and it was only after a conversation with my girlfriend where she pointed out that this wasn’t normal that I went to a psychiatrist and got diagnosed. This symptom is called Disassociation. Disassociation can happen multiple ways, but it always affects me the same way. During moments of crisis, moments of importance or sometimes when I feel I am in a place of some significance, I feel as if I leave my body and allow another entity to control it. That sounds far more sinister than what it actually feels like so let me try and explain it as best I can. Most people experience going on autopilot, where their mind switches off and they continue to do some monotonous or repetitive task. My Disassociation feels a bit like that. The entity that takes over my body is my autopilot. He will do what I would want to do anyway. He doesn’t have his own needs or wants. He just does. I, on the other hand, leave my body. I picture it like that episode of Tom & Jerry where Tom accidentally kills himself with a falling piano while chasing Jerry. His soul leaves his body and rises up to cat heaven only to not be allowed in because he’s been so mean to Jerry. Well my “soul” (I don’t believe in a soul so the more fitting term here would probably be id) leaves me in the same way and floats, just above and behind me, and observes. I feel like I am acting like a documentarian in these moments. Like a wildlife cameraman observing the animal he has been tracking for years being eaten by a predator – I am totally detached. I’m there to watch, not to influence. Sometimes I think maybe I’m me in the future, remembering this event and not actually the present me at all. Does this make sense? It’s a very strange sensation and, from what I gather, kind of unique to me so I really struggle to explain it to other people. My girlfriend thinks she can sometimes tell when I’m disassociating though. She says I become wide-eyed and emotionless, talking in a monotone. This might be true, but she has only been able to correctly identify when I’m disassociating twice in the entire time I’ve known her so it might just be they were particularly noticeable incidents.

Of course, the other big symptom of Bipolar Affective Disorder is the mood cycles. When I was younger, my cycles were generally rather enjoyable but as I have gotten older, they have gotten less enjoyable and more something to be monitored and observed. Before I go any further into how my cycle affects me, I feel I should spend a bit of time explaining the cycle as a lot of people don’t really get the Bipolar cycle and there is a lot of misinformation in the media. To put it in the simplest terms, lets imagine a scale from 0 to 10. Now if you are a neurotypical, normal person, I want you to imagine the happiest you have ever been. Then I want you to imagine the saddest you’ve ever been. Now if I was to say to you that 0 is the worst and 10 is the best, where would you put those memories? Probably 0 and 10, right? Well, in terms of measuring bipolar moods, we tend to use the 0 to 10 scale as well but ours is a bit different. When you get down to 0, there should be extreme hopelessness. Either you haven’t moved for extended periods, haven’t eaten and most likely have self-harmed, tried to commit suicide or have at least given it serious thought. Now your 0 may hit a lot of those same notes. You may have considered killing yourself after the death of a close loved one or a life event that hit you particularly hard. Once again, I want you to think back to that worst moment in your life. Now what if I said you’d feel that way every few months. You feel like that, not because something has happened or because you lost something but because it’s September. It’s just that time again. Now let’s go to the other side of the spectrum. This one is a little trickier because it involves more than just emotion, it involves energy levels and sanity levels. This is an important thing to bear in mind with bipolar. If you’re a normal person, your 10 is the happiest you’ve ever been in your life. If you’re bipolar, you’re 10 is the furthest from reality you’ve ever been in your life. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes mania can feel great but sometimes it can feel like hell. A 10 on the bipolar scale can involve hallucinations, delusions of grandeur, an insane amount of energy that absolutely must be excised, a manic state and way of speaking and a lack of need to sleep. Seriously, while manic I can sleep for as little as 2 hours in a 48-hour period and feel absolutely fine. The only upside to a manic state is that it can sometimes feel really good and all that energy helps you get through a lot of work if you can keep focused. You also tend to get a burst of creativity while manic which can help with business projects, artistic creations or even writing the first post for a new blog!

I think I’ll leave it here for my first blog post, I’ve explained a little about myself and why I wanted to start this blog, but mostly rambled in my scatter-brained way about my bipolar disorder. I think I’ve put enough words down for today and I’ll pick up on this tomorrow. I promise I will get into more of the general diary keeping and talking about the proposal, but I feel it is important to get this bipolar stuff explained first so that you know what lens I look at the world through before I start telling you what I can see. And if you’re reading this, I love you Gorgeous!

-B

[thejollyshiner]

Getting to know me

Rules/Guidelines~ tag ten followers/people you’d like to get to know better! Tagged by @muttthecowcatridesagain

Gender: she/her

Star sign: Taurus

Height: 4′11′

What image do you have as a wallpaper?:  

1)The image below is my current tumblr header image. The image is from Bing’s image of the day, that I found through someone making an archive of their image of the day.  Bohemian Waxwings in Kuusamo, Finland (Markus Varesuo/Minden Pictures)

2) Right below is my current Wallpaper on my mac, which comes with the latest apple High Sierra Update. Before my computer needed to get a system reboot at the beginning of 2018, my computer was on rotate every thirty minutes with a different photograph that would be from Bing's picture of the day. I would find these images within a bing gallery archive and would have a fun time deciding what images to choose. But, since the system reboot, I can never reason myself again why I should spend my time gathering these various wallpapers for my desktop. When I’m not even viewing them most of the time. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Where do you see yourself in ten years: Out of college with a double major and minor under my belt, a great portfolio. Hopefully having more character development along the way, as I’ve recently been acknowledging my depression and anxiety and learning to cope with this. Along with trying to improve my self, as it was only last month I started getting out of the mindset that I’m worthless and incompetent. That these harmful thoughts aren't normal and no one should be there. As I also hope to be more financially stable. Hopefully also have some sort of stable personal life and work life, that I might consider looking for some sort of serious relationship with someone while feeling secure in all of the above first. I also hope I’m still striving for my personal goals/dreams and they have been even more developed along the way. Continue to have a positive, self-awareness of self, empathy, determined attitude, among others. As I’m not going to give up anytime soon on the above. lol.

Coolest Halloween costume: My grandma sewed a colorful sequin princess costume when I was in first grade and still love my grandma’s love and handiwork she put into creating the costume. As my little brother was a dragon that my grandma also crafted.

Favorite 90s show: Batman the animated series, hands down as that has made such a huge impact on me, especially when discovering it when dealing with some really hard stuff. It was really nice seeing a hero with empathy to a degree for the villains, being a great listener, and while trying to figure out his own personal issues. As this ended up weirdly resonating with me at the time. While having great writing, animation, and aesthetic vision.

Ever been to Vegas? Yep, don’t care for the place much, but love the tiramisu ice cream there and my cousin found a 100 dollar bill on the moving sidewalk in las vegas so that was cool.

Favorite fruit?: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ changes through the seasons. Currently, I’m enjoying my cheap bananas lol. I’m excited about summer to pick strawberries and blueberries.

Favorite Current Stories: Not sure to be honest, my taste of stories have been changing but, I can make a short list of what I’m currently or still recommending for people. As I rack my brain for stories you may not be familiar with. There are links for each one, for more information

actual books: 

So Sad Today: Personal Essays by Melissa Broder

The song of the Lioness: novel series by Tamera Pierce

Comics: 

Runaways (2017)

Saga

Podcast:

Wolf 359 

NPR Code Switch

Manga:

To You, the Immortal

Witch Hat, Atelier

Greek plays:

Medea(play)

The Iliad(play)

I Stupidest thing I’ve done recently: Recently I locked my car keys in the trunk and needed to call a locksmith to help get them out. The time and place when I locked my self out of my car were not the best circumstances either.

I’ll tag the people who most recently reblogged or liked my posts! But please don’t feel pressured to fill this out if you don’t want to/don’t have time/have already done so: @mrbartowski @redpandahero @telluricwaffle @mrfact999 @jellied0ctopusbehind-my--eyes @iwritebetterthanispeak @queenfromfiresaisai-chan @tomorrow-is-forever-all-ours

[enkisstories]

The android cemetery (Ch. 27)

There was a long silence and then Emma Phillips spoke up:

“In the Oldwest, when two guys had a shootout and the one who got attacked was faster, certainly they wouldn’t have hanged that one? He only had to go to prison? Jason?!”

“Jason would like a tea, if possible”, the android designer replied. “And a cat on his lap.”

Connor raised his arm. Attached to it was Loki, who didn’t let go even as the android arm swung around like a crane. The tom clang to Connor’s forearm with all fours, like a sloth, and he was lovingly biting into it. Here and there the sleeve had already gotten ripped open, what made the event all the more exiting for the cat.

“Wow, you’re fortunate!” Daniel exclaimed, genuinely happy to see something heartwarming again after the shock just now. Even if it was his own cat befriending The Negotiator. “Loki likes you!”

“Could he maybe like Mr. Graff now instead of me?” Connor asked, almost pleading. “I… might be a dog person, after all…”

Daniel laughed, playfully punched Gavin’s arm and then the two of them went to work detaching Loki from the RK800.

Meanwhile Thor was dashing for the sofa. He vanished under it, not planning to re-appear anytime soon as long as all the bipeds were congregating in the downstairs living room.

Evelyn, too, was in a hurry to leave the room. She  walked backwards to the kitchen, dragging Emma with her.

“I’ll make one!” the child android promised, referring to the tea Mr. Graff was craving. “I know how to! I’ll make tea for everyone!”

A few moments later Emma was sitting at the kitchen table, watching Evelyn prepare the tea and listening with half an ear to the adults talking in the other room. Emma could not make out words, but at least she got the general impression that the men were keeping their calm.

“You’re lucky to get a new father”, Lyn told the older girl while she waited for the water in the kettle to boil.

“No, I’m not!” Emma protested. “Fathers are not toys that you switch out and love the new one like you did the old!”

The girl went on about this being not just about her feelings, but even moreso about her murdered father. Replacing him in her heart was akin to killing John Phillips again. Emma could not do that to her dad, not even if that Jason had been the greatest replacement father in the world. In truth Emma had no idea what kind of father - or person - the man might be. Getting to know Jason better with no intention of befriending him at all deemed her too close to betraying her real father.

Evelyn didn’t understand any of that. Already her programming was overwriting Mr. Turner with Mr. Reed and his wife with Mr. Danny. Even if the child android had wanted to stop that process, it would have been helpless against it. Emma had an idea about that, only it didn’t feel right to her to actually voice her thoughts. Instead she said: “Of course you do not understand what I’m trying to say, Evie. You are much younger than me, several years. That makes a big difference!”

Evelyn nodded. That was something she understood! From Lyn’s perspective Emma was far closer to the adults in the next room than to herself.

Eventually the kettle whistled, leaves got stuffed into glasses and water got poured over the leaves and then the two girls returned to the living room, Emma carrying a handful of spoons and the more heat-resistant Lyn the tray with the glasses.

“You have a daughter of your own now, Daniel”, Emma casually addressed her former caretaker while handing out the spoons. “Why did you never tell me?”

Daniel smiled at the girl. “She’s not my daughter, no worries! We only keep Lyn around on Captain Anderson’s orders until we have found a new family for her.”

How could this be so easy? Them chatting while handling small household items? Shouldn’t they work on their shared past instead of acting as if it had never happened? But there was only so much “working on” a person could do, whatever that phrase even meant, Daniel thought. Sometimes you just had to live.

“I’ve been properly rude to Lyn all day”, the deviant assured Emma. “I won’t replace you, not me, I’m not like that! How could I do to someone else what I had to go through?”

“But, Daniel! That’s exactly what you are doing! Evie is just like you, but you are pushing her away? That’s textbook for doing to her what has been done to you!”

“I…” Daniel was about to protest, but he could not deny that Emma was having a point there. “I hadn’t thought about it from that angle.”

Emma wrinkled her nose. “Because you never think “, she said.

There. Emma’s unquestioning hero-worship of the “coolest android in the world”, her unconditional trust were gone. What was left was a willingness to at least preserve their friendship. That was more mature, more healthy, but, damn, was Daniel missing their innocent days! Back when they hadn’t realized what jerks their parents… uh, Mr. and Mrs. Philips, of course (because he, Daniel, certainly didn’t need any stinking parents, was he Connor, or what?!) had been. And before they had started seeing boys with different eyes. Back when life hadn’t been better, but simpler.

“You might want to keep Evie, you know” Emma thought aloud. “With a friendly daughter you might find a better partner than Officer Reed!”

“I understand the appeal of letting this one dangle over the edge up on a skyscraper”, Gavin grunted, much to Connor’s amusement.

“Nah, she has a good point there!” the RK800 claimed.

“Wait ‘till you make the first mistake in love, Emma”, Daniel laughed. “Then we will talk again, the three of us, because I’m not letting go of Gavin.”

Emma shook her head. What had gotten proposed was too far in the future to consider right here in this room. There were more pressing issues:

“You must be nice to Evelyn, otherwise I will tell the police about you!”

It wasn’t an idle threat, Daniel realized. And neither was it playful teasing. He had messed up, not just in taking three lives, also in dismissing his only friend in the world. Instead of going straight to Emma with his news about getting replaced, the deviant had assumed that if John had turned from friend to traitor, then Emma would, too. That was serious, as serious as Emma was being just now. Things could never be the same between them again.

“I will”, the deviant said. “Tomorrow is Sunday. We’ll go take Lyn and not just to the museum, I promise.”

“Don’t I get asked?” Gavin snapped.

“No, Mr. Reed”, Emma answered solemnly. “You already agreed to at least provide shelter for Evelyn. That’s more than I expected from you and I should leave it at that.”

“That’s… what?!”

“If we’re bargaining here”, Jason said carefully, “consider this additional agreement, Emma: Actual criminal acts committed by them aside, I will not spill the beans about Dean being Daniel or about him - and maybe this Connor here, too - being a deviant. In turn you agree to not reveal my occupation to your mother.”

Emma sighed. “I guess I can promise that.”

It was all a bit much, all the lying, the keeping secrets and the alliances one entered into… There was certainly more to adulthood, but right now it seemed to consist mostly of using your brain to exert damage control on all the shit your heart was doing. There was obnoxious Mr. Reed, the android she was wary of despite it having saved her life, the other android that Emma knew she should not, but could not help to consider her friend, the replacement father, young Evie…

“In a fairy tale”, Emma mused, “my father would come back now, too. But life isn’t a story, so this will have to do.”

The comment made Daniel realize that their relationship would have changed, even if the events of august ’38 had never happened. How much the erstwhile child had grown! The more time was passing, the more Daniel was able to see Caroline and John the way they truly had been, and those versions existed next to his younger self’s idealized images of them. Emma to the contrary had not changed in Daniel’s perception, but for real. This wasn’t But why do I have to bother with Nature Studies when I want to become an author! – Emma anymore. The two years older Emma would discuss with her godfather how to keep the amount of Nature Studies in her life to a minimum and how to exploit that necessary minimum for her writing endeavors. So, pretty much what Daniel had goaded her into already back home, only now she would do so out of her own free will.   Looking back at how he, too, had grown ever since “leaving home”, the deviant wondered if he and Emma would sit in her room now in a parallel universe and daydream of the boys they had a crush on.

“Speaking of Happy Ends…”

Gavin shoved his phone under Daniel’s nose. With the other hand he grabbed Connor by the collar and forced him to have a look at the screen, too. It displayed a short text message from Tina to Daniel and Gavin and it read:

“Hey, guys, guess what, your girlfriend has just slept with another man!”

Jason caught a glimpse of the message, too. Seeing how excitedly the trio was showing it to each other over and over, Jason could not help but whisper “So who are the weirdos now…”

“Is it that basketballer dude?” Connor asked the other two.

“Yes!” Daniel beamed. “Now I do not have to pair Tina up with you!”

“What? That was the last resort plan you’ve been teasing all the time? ME? You must be joking!”

“Am I?”

“No”, Connor agreed after some consideration. “I know the lengths you go to when you’re desperate.” The RK800 smiled. So they would see more of Tina’s friend in the future? Connor liked that. He was hanging out with Yumiko and Macky, also spend an unreasonable amount of time with Gavin and Daniel, but all of them were co-workers in the broadest sense. Mingling with humans unrelated to policework was something severely missing in Connor’s life.

“I’m looking forward to meet Tina’s friend.”

“The poor guy doesn’t know what he’s getting into”, Jason remarked while taking a deep gulp of the tea. “So, what are we telling Emma’s mom?”

“The truth”, Connor suggested. “She learned that Daniel’s corpse was kept in the DPD’s archive and brought flowers. We can present the bouquet in case proof gets requested.”

“I guess that would be for the best”, Jason agreed. “Caroline won’t be a happy camper, but for running away in the middle of the night Emma has had it coming. And I’m not saying this as your “replacement father”, but as a sensible person!”

“Whatever”, the girl muttered.

“I’ll phone Caroline and explain why her child will get delivered to her in a police car. She was sick with worry when I left the apartment.”

Connor nodded. “I’ll drive”, he said. “You two stay here and tug in Evelyn. It’s for the better if Mrs. Phillips won’t lay eyes on Daniel and also if Gavin won’t get in a position where he might say… something Gavin-ish to her.”

“I recall she wasn’t too fond of you, either”, Daniel replied.

“Yes, you’re right. I guess in this case I’ll practice Staying In The Car while Mr. Graff takes Emma upwards. Since this seems to be such a valued skill at this workplace.”

 (END of part 5)

[sherlockxreader]

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 8

Day 8: Shopping

Summary: You try to update your wardrobe with Sherlock in tow, gathering unwanted attention which changes your life forever. Author: Maddy Words: 2100 Characters/Relationships: Sherlock x Reader Warnings: ATTEMPTED RAPE. SUICIDE. DEPRESSION. ANXIETY. CURSING.

Author’s Notes: I’m sorry this is so late out, I have 2000-word essay for uni due tomorrow and have put it off for way too long so… yeah. This turned out having so much angst in it, I’m sorry. I don’t write angst all that often but when I do things like this happen. This is my first attempt at writing any aspects of rape and I don't think I’ll be doing it again anytime soon, it was difficult to do. Please do not read this if suicide, rape, depression or anxiety are triggering.

--------------------------------------------------------

“Tell me why I’m here again Y/N. I still don’t understand how my presence is going to affect anything at all.”

“I need your opinion on some new outfits Sherlock, seeing as you don’t like my fashion sense already.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t need to hun. Now the red or the green sweater?” You held up two identical sweaters, apart from their colour, to your body and switched them a couple of times, waiting for Sherlock to voice his opinion on the matter. After John had revealed to you that you rarely change from your usual jeans and graphic shirts, you had decided that a couple of alterations to your wardrobe were required, hence you had come to the shopping centre of London to do so, towing Sherlock away from another experiment on mold to help you, regardless of his disagreements. As you modelled the sweaters you heard a long, bored sigh erupt from your boyfriend's throat, his eyes rolling in the sockets as he did so.

“I don’t really see why it matters. They’re the same!”

You huffed out an irritated laugh at his sulking, looking down at the sweaters to see the colour contrasting against your arms. “I think we might need to get your eyes tested Sherlock cause these are most certainly not the same. See? This one’s red and this one’s green.” You held the garments back up to show Sherlock, your sarcasm not being lost on Sherlock, him replying with just as much.

“Amusing Y/N. Really, you should be in comedy.”

“I know I’m funny but seriously, which one?” Sherlock looked at the offending pieces of fabric again before moving to another section of the store without an answer, dismissing most of the garments on the racks as he flicked through the selections as a child would. You rolled your eyes as he made his way up and down the aisle you were in several times, deciding the green sweater was more you than the red one. As you began to hang the red one back up, thinking about which shop to go to next, you were startled by a hand stopping your actions, grasping the hanger and pulling it away from the rack. “I think this one, don’t you?”

“Excuse me?” You turned to see who had the audacity to approach you, exuding an air of arrogance and a hint of an underlying threat. The man that had stopped you was at least a head taller than you, muscles threatening to break out of the tight grey Henley he was wearing and his body trapping you against the clothes rack. He was heavily built, his skin darker than that of your average Londoner and his black hair cropped short on his square head. He was obviously not a local as his foreign accent lay heavily on his tongue and he was definitely looking you up and down, a predatory gaze in his eyes.

“I think the red one is a bit more you isn’t sugar?” He edged closer to you as you tried to sidestep him and escape the cage he was trapping you in. “Though what you’re in now is nothing compared to that.”

“Umm, well thanks but I really should be getting back to my boyfriend if you’d just…” You tried to move away, becoming increasingly anxious, but he wouldn’t let up. You were hidden from the sole staff member by a pillar in the store and you couldn’t see Sherlock anywhere, probably waiting outside as he had done for the previous few stores. Your heart began to race as the man leaned down, his mouth nearing your ear. You began to call for the woman at the register when you felt something cold and metal press against your abdomen, your voice was cut off quickly as you realised the danger you in, the man’s body pressed flush against your’s and the small gun hard against your stomach.

“What’s the rush hun? No need to cause a panic.” His breath felt hot against your ear, the smell of alcohol heavy in the air he breathed. “Why don’t you come with me and we’ll get to know each other a little better yeah?” He closed in even further, so much so that you could see the madness in his eyes. “You just put that pretty little jumper down and come with me alright, nice and quiet like yeah? Otherwise, things may not turn out so well for you. Now come on, that’s it.” Tears were beginning to run down your face as you hung the two sweaters looking around the store for any sign of Sherlock, finding none.

The man had a firm grip on your waist now, his hand large enough to ensure you couldn’t slip away and the gun pressed in between your two bodies, hidden from the staff member who couldn’t see what was happening to you at that moment. He lead you out of the store and around the corner, leading you to the men’s bathrooms. You were whimpering at this point, tears streaming down your face. Unable to call for help lest you get shot and unable to run, you were lead like a lamb to slaughter. You hoped that Sherlock had seen the man lingering about the stores, realising his intentions, and that he would come and prevent anything from happening to you, though the prospects of this dwindled into near nothingness as you reached the door of the toilets. The man pushed you inside, entering after you, gun aimed at your body, now exposed as no-one was around. He locked the door with a sinister click and once again faced you, his face morphed into pure insanity laced with ill-will. You had your eyes trained on the predator in front of you, his on you as he lowered the gun slightly to approach you.

“Please. Don’t.” You managed to plead through your now labouring breath, crawling away from the man until you reached the back wall of the room, effectively cornering yourself as the man drew closer and closer. “Stop. Don’t touch me!” Your voice grew louder as you protested, cracking slightly as the tears choked off your words. You went to yell in hopes to catch someone's attention outside when the gun was pressed harshly against your forehead.

“Shut up bitch! Not another word or I blow your pretty brains out!” His mouth was practically frothing, spit flying from it with every word. You whimpered again as you curled in on yourself. You didn’t dare try to attack or disarm the man with your life on the line.

You had given up all hope when you heard the tell-tale sound of a zip being opened and a hand forcefully push your legs apart so that the rapist had access to the waistband of your jeans, ready to pull them off when a large crashing sound came from the door, followed swiftly by another and the sound of wood breaking. The man froze before pulling you up by your hair, causing you to yell in pain as he trained the gun on your temple.

“Y/N!” You heard Sherlock shout from the other side of the door before it was broken inwards with great force as Sherlock entered the room, eyes wild in rage as he saw the gun against your head and blood trickling down from his temple from where he had been hit.

“Not another step or she gets it!” The man was frantic, pressing the gun harder against your head causing you to cry in pain again as the barrel dug into your temple. Sherlock, who had been about to approach the man froze as he assessed the situation and then locked his eyes with yours. You saw him flick his to the gun then back at you, repeating it as he spoke calmly to the rapist.

“Okay. Okay, I’m not moving. Just, let her go.” as he was speaking, you realised what he needed you to do and once you made eye contact with Sherlock again, you nodded you head minutely so that he knew you understood. You steadied your breath and tried to calm yourself as much as you could before springing into action.You lifted your hands up quickly and pushed the gun up above your head just as the man pulled the trigger.

The shot was deafening and everything was muted bar a loud ringing in your ears. You ducked away from the man in the process, distancing yourself as Sherlock leapt from where he was standing and tackled the rapist onto the cold tiled floor of the bathroom before he could get his bearings. Sherlock had managed to disarm the man whilst doing so had pushed the gun away, under a sink. As the men brawled you crawled to the gun, the shot from before having caused your eardrums to burst and blood to trickle down your neck. As you picked up the gun you shouted for Sherlock to move, not hearing your own voice, before firing the gun, hitting the man in the thigh. He cried out in pain, clutching his leg before Sherlock took the gun from you and bashed it over the rapist's head, knocking him unconscious.

Sherlock handcuffed the man to the piping under the sink before he stood slowly and turned to face you, his usually emotionless face streaked with tears and his cheeks coloured with exertion, anger and anguish. You cried in relief and burst into tears, hugging Sherlock close as he soothed you and lead you out of the bathroom before Lestrade and the NSY came to take the man away. You couldn’t hear anything Sherlock was saying, your hearing being as affected as it was, but you could see him talking to Greg, or more likely yelling as we waved his hand from you to the scene repeatedly, clearly agitated. Paramedics had come and were trying to speak to you but you couldn’t understand what they were saying. You became more anxious as you saw people staring with pity at you, pointing towards the scene.

“Sh-Sherlock?” You couldn’t hear anything apart from the ringing in your ears but you knew Sherlock had heard you when he crouched to look at you, his concern overpowering the anxiety that you were feeling. He had begun to talk to you but you cut him off, pointing to your ears which were bloodied and repeating yourself, your voice becoming thick with tears as you spoke. “I can’t hear anything.”

You felt the tears fall continuously down your face as Sherlock’s own fell when he realised the extent of your injuries, before he nodded his head and turned to address the paramedics. He pointed to the ambulance outside of the building and you nodded your head, letting him lead you away from the chaos of the scene before travelling with you to the hospital, where you would soon discover that your hearing had been lost, the damage permanent and irreparable.

--------------------------------------------------------

You fell into a depression after that day. Nothing could console you or prevent the nightmares from coming. You lost sleep everyday until you couldn’t bear to even try, staying up with Sherlock at all hours of the night and lying awake with him as he slept. Sherlock had tried to support you throughout your recovery, helping you learn sign language by communicating to you in that rather than through written words as other people did. Your depression only grew, alongside the anxiety that came when you couldn’t forget the demons that were born from that day, plaguing your mind relentlessly, never letting you rest and never letting you forget the manic look in the man’s eyes and the solitary zip that played on repeat in your head. The medication given to you to help with the depression helped not one bit, though you told people it did just to get them to leave you alone. Sherlock never did though. He never left your side and he tried so hard to help you forget about your demons but it was useless. They would never leave, unless you made them leave. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror, the fluorescent light of the bathroom where you were destroyed enhancing the dark circles of your eyes and the clamminess of your skin. You were a shell of the person you once were, unrecognisable to even yourself. You looked down to the knife in your hands before raising it to your arm, slashing it down, your demons oozing out of you as the blood ran down your fingers to drip onto the tiles, the puddle growing as rapidly as you were losing consciousness. You looked back into the mirror, and smiled, before falling to the ground, your blood staining your skin and the white tiles below. 

The demons wouldn’t torment you anymore.

[mynotsoawesomescenarios]

The Hot 7 |9|

A/N: I think this is getting to the good part~

~Admin Allie

Part |1| |2| |3| |4| |5| |6| |7| |8| |9|

After the tour around the campus and the town surrounding it, Brian had decided to let you go back home earlier than planned, around five in the evening.

"I'm sorry we didn't have much to look at. I thought there was more to explore but I guess not." He chuckled at himself, embarrassed in by himself. He wanted the day to be exciting but it just turned into a day of him pulling you around and eating every food in sight.  

"It's fine though, today was fun. And filling."You smiled at him as you two approached your dorm. You looked at him and he had a wide smile displayed on his face.  

When you thought back on the day you had with him, you realized that it was one of the happiest days you have had in a very long time. You hadn't had such simple and genuine fun in a very long time and it was so refreshing to do something that you wanted to do for a change. No one forced you to leave your bed or dragged you along. You went out by your own will and enjoyed it. And you thought for a second that maybe being a student at this school was actually helping you get better.  

He pulled on the handle and opened the door for you. Using his other hand, he gestures for you to walk inside and you gave him a small smile as you walked past him. He walked in behind you and let the big door close behind him. You walked down the hall silently, still displaying your smile.

You arrived at your room door and you stood with your back turned to it.  

"Today was fun. It was better than just wandering around by myself." You let out a small laugh and looked down.

"Yeah, I'm happy I made that creepy phone call this morning." You tilted your head to the side while laughed, showing your slight distaste yet amusement with his choice of words. "Ah, I- shouldn’t have said... that." And embarrassed grin showed on his face.  

"Well, uh, see you around."

"Yeah!" You went in to hug him but at the same time he put his hand out in order for you to shake it.  

"Oh," you both exclaimed while switching your action to match the others.  

"Ah-" you both took a step back and laughed at the situation. "Hug?" He asked."

You walked up to him and wrapped your arms around his waist. He lifted his arms to your shoulders and embraced you. You took a deep breath as he held you and decided to count to three before letting him go. But once your brain got to three, you found yourself not wanting to release him from your arms. And if it hadn't been for the door opening behind you, you probably would have never let him go.

You turned around and saw Youngjae standing at the door.  

"Hey, Youngjae."

"You're back early."

"Yeah, there's but so much to see in this town."

"Mmhm," he was uninterested in what you had to say.

You looked to Brian, "See you later, Brian."

"Yeah, and its Young K but we'll work on that." He chuckled and waved goodbye to you and Youngjae.

"See ya, Younghyun." Brian whipped his head around and looked at Youngjae with confusion. Brian's expression made Youngjae smile and what a beautiful smile it was. It was the first time you had ever seen him smile, let alone react to anything. Your heart fluttered only a little but you shook it off and walked into the common room.  

You took off your shoes and outerwear before getting comfortable on the sofa. Youngjae came to take a seat on the couch with you. He offered you the remote but you refused it. He flipped through channels and eventually stopped on some random variety show. The quiet air between the two of you was alright at first but as time went on, it grew to be awkward, which forced you to try and spark up conversation.

"So, what did you do today?"

"Uh, I just wrote music."

"Oh? Cool. What kind of music do you write?"

"I usually depends on how I feel." He started to pick at his fingernails and he looked down to his hands.  

"Well, then, how did you feel today?"

"I felt a lot of things, I guess," He kept picking at his nails. "I felt happy, then anxious, then cheerful." One of his fingers started to bleed.

"Oh!" You reached for his hand and examined his finger without thinking of what you were doing. "That’s such a bad habit. I'll get you a band aid." Youngjae looked at you while you held onto and then let go of his hand. You couldn't tell, but his heart was about to fall out of his chest.

You came back to him with the first aid kit and nursed his small wound. He winced at the antibacterial ointment you applied after wiping off the blood. You looked up to him to see if he was alright but he avoided your gaze. You peeled open a band aid and placed the cushioned part at the base of his fingernail. After you finished wrapping his finger, you blew on it. It was something that your mom always did to you when you got hurt.

You felt a gentle tug on your wrist as your bandages were being changed. Whoever the person was made sure that they were moving slowly and carefully. When they were done you felt a cool breeze on the bottom half of your forearm. The sensation was familiar and you instantly knew who the person was. You hummed out to her because you had yet to open your mouth to get ready to speak.

"Y/N?" You heard your mom call your name in a soft, hoarse voice. "Oh my god, Y/N." Your mom began to break down and she latched her arms around your hips. "I knew my baby would come back to me." She sobbed as she rested her head on you. You wanted so badly to move your hand to her head but your arms were weak as was the rest of your body.

"Mom," you called out in a dry voice. "Mom," tears started to painfully flow from your eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I- I never asked you how you felt or what you were going through."

"No, mom, you can't say that. You're amazing, mom." You wanted so badly to hug her but your pain made you stay motionless. You watched your mother cry, you watched the strongest woman you had ever know breakdown right in front of your face. You felt helpless and selfish. You felt like she was crying because you what you had done to yourself. But, the reality is that she was crying because she almost lost her only child and she seemed to revive before her eyes.

Youngjae looked at you with his eyebrows showing clear confusion. You laughed at his expression.

"My mom used to do that to me when I got hurt. She believed that when you did that the love in your breath would help heal the wound." He nodded at you and gave you a small smirk. The room was silent as it usually was but the air didn’t feel odd at all.  

"Your mom, she sounds like a nice person."

"She's the loveliest person." You showed a wide smile when you started to think about your mom. Your love for her almost brought tears to your eyes. "I love her so much. I miss her."

"Well, family day is in a couple of weeks, maybe you should give her a heads up about it."

"I will," you paused. "Will your family come?"

"Well, my siblings are all busy, my brother with acting and my sister with a family of her own."

"And your parents?"

"Ah, my-my mom isn't well and I would hate to pull my father from her side for something as unimportant as that."

"Well, I hope she feels a lot better soon."

"Thank you." He gave you a painful smile and looked back to his fingers that picked at the cuticles once again. You looked at his hands and frowned a bit. You laid your hand on top of his and he stopped under your touch.

"I told you that as a bad habit." You looked him in his eyes and he stared back at you. His eyes were so beautiful and the most brilliant shade of dark brown. The traveled all over your face and took in every detail of it. But when his eyes fell to your lips, he stopped his searching. As he stared at yours, you stared at his beautifully plump lips as well. You swallowed hard and he licked his lips as he leaned in. You wanted to move your face closer to his but and interruption presented itself at the wrong time.  

Your phone was ringing and as soon as the loud noise harassed your ears, you snapped out of your trance. You shook your head and bought your hand to your back pocket. When you got your phone something seemed to come over Youngjae as he pulled away from you and he rushed off to his room. You wanted to call out to him, but when you saw the name on the screen, your mind totally went to a different place.

"Hey, Jihyo."

"Hi." Her voice was shaky.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah. I just, um, I wanted to talk about earlier."

"Oh, when I saw you at the cart? I think it's cool that you have a little side hustle."

"That’s not cool at all. I'm supposed to be rich and have everything easy."

"Do you need the money."

"Not at all. Its just that, one day I saw the lady and she was working, all alone and I felt bad. But if anyone finds out I have a job, they’ll think I'm poor or something."

"Jihyo, you are working for that woman out of the kindness of your heart. If anyone every judges you for that, I'll beat them up." He chuckled into the receiver and you could tell that she was relieved.

"Thank you, Y/N."

"Anytime. But I'm gonna go. I was out of the dorm all day and I am in desperate need of a shower. Call you later?"

"Yes, of course. Bye." She hung up the phone and as soon as she did, you leaned back into the couch. You let yourself relax for a moment before using your last bit of energy to lift your body from the couch. You picked up your shoes and your coat that was at the entrance and made your way to the room. As you began to close your door, Youngjae stopped it with his hand.

"Uh, I'm going out for a while. Like I said before, I won't be back until later, maybe around eleven or twelve."

"Okay. I hope you have a good night."

"You too, Y/N." After he gave you his well wishes, he walked to the common room and left. When you saw him leave the dorm, you walked to your closet and took out your shower caddy. You started to undress but someone knocked on your door and it startled you half to death. You went to open the door and when you did you saw Jackson, eyes filled with tears. You wanted to ask him what was wrong but before you could get just one word out, he began to speak.

"I checked Youngjae's room but he isn't there."

"Yeah he went out."

"Sorry, I'll leave."

"No, Jackson, what's the matter?"