#I’ll try my best to post anyway but yeah !!!! might have to take a break

[franeridart]

The Housecat Philosophy - Ep 71

Ep 00 || < Prev || Next >

Read ahead on Patreon || Catch up on Webtoon || support me on ko-fi~✨

[animalsalvationassociation]

[ PLEASE READ TO THE END ]

Honestly . . . yeah I’m pretty tired. There’s a lot of things going on and at this point I think it’s time to call it. I’ve been really debating about making a post like this for the last few weeks. I think I’m gonna take a break from the Octonauts stuff. As much as I’m enjoying it, it’s also really stressing me out.

NOW BEFORE YOU LEAVE—HEAR ME OUT!!!

I’m not leaving forever, it’ll probably just be a few weeks AT THE MOST. I just need a hard reset. Unfortunately I can’t go much detail as of why, mostly some personal matters. And some of it is literally just the fact that my brain isn’t inspired and the hype I’m trying to give myself to make the content is only stressing me out more.

If you follow me on my other platforms you might see some posts coming out on there. To be specific the art block is just for Octonauts, so far I haven’t had any problems making content for other fandoms and I think that just means I need to work on some personal matters.

Please understand I love all of you and your support means the world to me. We’re already almost to 170 followers which is beyond what I was ever expecting. I cannot say, and I definitely won’t stop saying, how happy I am to have all of you here with me.

I’ve got some vacations coming up so I’m gonna take that time to really reflect on where I want the A.S.A. story to go. Honestly with the amount of attention it has gotten in such a small amount of time I kinda pressured myself to just throw things together as they come up, especially in the asks.

So all and all, I’m gonna take a break, I’ll be back in a few weeks fresh and ready to make content again. But I will still do my best to continue to be apart of the community. Unfortunately a guilty pleasure of mine is hopping on my fav Tumblr tags and just seeing what everyone is up to everyday. And I mean everyday. So if I comment on your posts or you see me popping in every now and then I promise I’m not ditching ya’ll, I’m just trying to stay updated and enjoy all of your creations.

Anyways my lovelies, if you made it this far you definitely get a cookie. 🍪 Have a wonderful day, and please take care of yourselves.

(Also if you’re on Art Fight this year, look me up by my main user and come attack me, I would love to see what ya’ll have up your sleeves! Friendly Fire and Defense are more than welcome, I’ll attack just about anyone!)

[jasntodds]

Petrichor Chapter 6 Teaser - Full Chapter coming 08/09

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb) Teaser Words: 1,648  Chapter Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst, ptsd, panic attack, blood, canon violence, bruises Summary:❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞ Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now. A/N: I've been rearranging chapters 6-9 because of what I want to happen in chapter 7 so here we are with a teaser lol If the format is wonky, I'm sorry. I literally hate this post editor with a burning passion and it's giving me all of the problems atm You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

It wasn’t that Jason was violent. That was never it. He could pick a fight just as good as the next person. But it was out of survival. It wasn’t because he liked the bloody and bruised knuckles. Or coming back with his body covered in shades of navy and maroon and the pain that went along with it. It was how he had to survive. Fight or die. Fight or let people take advantage of him.

He was small. He got lucky he grew taller as he got older but he was a small kid. It was either learn to fight and take what he could or get taken advantage of or die trying. It was learn to fight and hold his own or deal with whatever his dad would dish out or the new guy his mom brought home that didn’t really like kids. It was never that he wanted to be violent.

He was just angry with the world. Robin gives him the outlet. Robin lets him be violent in a way that’s productive. Robin lets him choose violence. Robin lets him pick fights that matter. Robin lets him let the anger and the violent side of him be a good thing instead of something that hinders him and something people find to be annoying and a nuisance. Robin has given him so fucking much including that outlet and he can’t lose it. And he just gets so fucking mad when he thinks about it. He's mad about it being taken away and mad at Bruce and a little mad at you for getting to use his outlet as your own, even when he knows that’s not fair.

It's the anger that always got the best of him. Not the violence.

“Where’s your head, Jay?” You ask, looking over your shoulder from the targets as Jason sits on the floor behind you.

Jason snaps away from his thoughts, looking over to you. “What?” He furrows his brows up at you.

“You're quiet and you’re never quiet unless something is bothering you.”

It's only been a few days but you know him better than anyone. It's been rough for him not having Robin. He wasn't Robin, technically, in San Francisco. He wasn't supposed to be anyway. He was supposed to be taking a break but that didn't seem to bother him as much as it does now. You're not entirely sure what the difference is this time but whatever it is, you've got this feeling that there's something more going on. Something's poking at his head.

Jason shakes his head. “Want to get back out there.” Jason scoffs.

You nod. “Yeah…” You suck in a breath, looking at your target full of knives before you move to sit in front of him. You match his position, stretching your legs out right beside his with your hands on the floor behind you to hold your weight. “You sure it doesn’t bug you I go out?” You ask.

Of course, it bothers him. That's his thing. But, it's yours, too. Maybe it wouldn't sting as much if you weren't going out with Bruce. But, there's nothing he can do about it and it would be wrong for him to even try. So, he bites his tongue about it.

“It’s fine, it’s your thing, too.”

You shake your head. “Yeah, but if it bothers you, I can wait until you get Robin back or I can just go out on my own.” You offer.

The first night Jason was benched, Bruce asked if you'd still join I'm for patrol. Jason assured you it was fine. So, you went and you talked later about it. He swore up and down it would be fine. You like to go out on patrol. You like to help people and who is he to try and take that away from you? You'd never do that to him.

“You think Bruce will be okay with that? You going out on your own?” Jason quips.

You grin before you let out a laugh. “Well, probably not anymore.”

Jason furrows his brows, his eyes scanning over your face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You bounce around how to tell him about your conversation with Bruce earlier without including the stuff about him. It's hard because on the one hand, you respect Bruce but on the other, he can be a little insufferable. And Jason looks up to him for reasons you don't really think you'll entirely understand. It's not your place to speak poorly of him to Jason. So, you tell him but you hope he doesn't ask what sparked the conversation in the first place.

“We, uh, we had a moral disagreement today.” You chew the inside of your cheek as you raise your brows.

“Ah,” Jason nods his head. “That why you don’t wanna go out tonight?” The moral disagreement doesn't surprise him. He knows how you feel about all of it but he is a little surprised you even brought up to Bruce.

“Amongst a few other things but yeah. I think he might think I’ll kill people now.” You roll your eyes.

Jason lets out a snort. “What the hell did you even say to make him think that?” Jason shakes his head. “Wait, let me guess.”

“I’m listening.” You gesture a hand for him to continue.

Jason clears his throat. “You should kill the Joker. He’s a piece of shit maniac clown who kills people for fun. He should be dead.” Jason grins at you. “Sound about right?”

“Shut the fuck up.” You groan through a laugh as you tilt your head back. “No.” You shake your head at him. "I said he was a homicidal, psychotic, sadist." You state. "And that he should die, yes." You mutter softly while Jason lets out a booming laugh.

He is certain you'll never let it go which he doesn't blame you for. He gets it. He doesn't like his dad but a part of him still wanted to go after Two-Face. Dick went after Zucco. Parents are killed and their kids want to take revenge. But, he also knows you and he doesn't think you'd ever actually try to kill anyone, but especially the Joker. You have more self-preservation than that.

“And he said something about we don’t cross that line or whatever?”

“Yep.” Your eyes widen as you nod your head. “Him and Dick think it’s ridiculous as if Dick didn’t feel that same way, ya know? But it’s the Joker. So, uh, I might have said his death is inevitable.” You scrunch your nose and maybe that was the wrong choice of words.

Jason eyes you carefully and there is something going on with you, too. It's one thing to have the moral disagreement with Bruce but to actually say anyone's death in inevitable seems a little off. Jason's so wrapped in his own anger, he's started to wonder if he's missing anything with you.

“Okay seriously, what the fuck is going on?” Jason nudges your leg with his.

“Nothing. I don’t think I really meant it or anything but I kind of wonder if Bruce thinks I’m serious and thinks I’m like a ticking time bomb or something.” You roll your eyes.

“Did he take the shit from you? The suit or anything?” Jason questions and he is getting increasingly more curious what even started that whole conversation and got you mad enough to say anything to Bruce.

“No. Why?”

“Then he doesn’t think you’re gonna out and kill people.” Jason chuckles. “He'd take it away and send you to Leslie if he thought you were serious.”

“Oh, well that’s a relief.” You chuckle softly. “Still don’t wanna go out tonight though.” You shake your head.

Jason pulls his legs to his chest, resting his forearms over his knees. "What started the whole conversation anyway? Did something happen?"

You pause and you hate lying to him. It's the one thing you really don't do with him. But, telling him why Bruce even talked to you, that just doesn't seem fair. You worry he might take Bruce's concern the wrong way. Maybe it'll send him spiraling even further. Maybe it's best if you just keep that to yourself.

"Nothing." You shake your head. "It's nothing, really." You assure him before you suck in a breath. “Seriously though, if you have a problem with me going out, you can tell me.”

The switch back the topic at hand does not go unnoticed and that's also uncharacteristic of you lately. You tell him everything that bothers you and what leads to it bothering you.

"Right, no. I said it's fine." Jason states. "If something's going on with you, you'd tell me, right?" Jason questions.

You nod your head. "Of course. Nothing's, uh, nothing's going on. You need to stop worrying." You offer him a cheeky grin and he knows you're lying. "Look, Jay, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't stand a chance out there. I know it's hard being benched and I don't wanna make it harder for you."

He knows you're lying but he can't figure out why you would lie to him about something like that. It doesn't seem important or serious enough to need a lie. Maybe a part of him is even hurt you won't tell him. But, he knows it's not fair to push because you don't push him when he's adamant about not tellin you. He hopes you'll tell him later when it's not so fresh.

Jason scoots closer to you, resting a hand on your thigh. “I’m fine, alright? Go out kick and some ass, with or without Bruce.” Jason grins at you. “Stop worrying so much.”

“I’ll always worry, I love you.” You smile wildly at him.

“Yeah, I love you, too.” Jason chuckles softly. “Im fine, I’ll be back out there in no time.”

prev. chapter

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover // @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866

[yenqa]

APPLE CIDER! (teaser)

thank u @soov for helping me pick the cover photo!

POSTED HERE

sypnosis : you haven’t experienced much love in your life. well reciprocated romantic love. your first “boyfriend”, was only with you because a bet. until you unexpectedly meet jay, a frat boy, whose known for breaking hearts. you’d be a fool to give him a chance right? too bad you both like apple cider.

or

when a heartbroken girl meets a heartbreaker and they bond over apple cider.

featuring : some members enhypen, chaewon of lsfm, yeonjun of txt, eunbi, random math teacher

warnings : literally the most cliche story ever, swearing, underage drinking, food, parties, crying, kissing (not in detail), being drunk (not reader), crying, angsty, reader hates parties, mentions of hooking up/sex, mentions of weed, reader has bad habits, blood, i think thats it?

wc : i’m gonna guess like 7k at most, but i haven’t wrote anything longer than 1k so u never know 🤷‍♀️

pairing : jay x fem!reader (uses she/her)

release date : i’ll try to get it out before february but please don’t be mad if its not 😓😓

taglist : open!

a/n : kinda nervyy…. this might take a while bc i get like no motivation after starting smth

“c’mon y/n! i know you’re not over hyun-woo but please! one party! it’s been like two months since you broke up and yeonjun personally invited me to this party!”

“way to put it lightly chaewon,” you’re tempted to leave and sit somewhere else. can’t she just understand you don’t want to go?

“please! i’ll get you um- coffee for a week!”

you scoff at her suggestion, but after thinking about it, it does seem like a pretty good offer. i mean, it was just one party right?

“when’s the party?” you ask, almost persuaded.

“it’s this friday, i can pick you up and we can get there at nine? the party starts at like eight but everyone goes at nine.” she pauses for a moment before continuing.

“if you’re uncomfortable we can leave right away! plus your beloved chaewon would be right next to you the whole time! isn’t that tempting?” she elbows you softly, you give her a disgusted look then changing back to your normal one.

“fine. but! you have to let me borrow a dress because i don’t really have any party dresses.”

“you have that one green one! that’s like a v neck!” chaewon shapes the dress out with her hands, trying to prove her point.

“it’s too big.” you point out, taking a bite out of your forgotten lunch.

“okay fine… i’ll pick you up at seven and we can get ready and stuff at my house! i’m not lending you any makeup though.” she picks back up her fork, stuffing her mouth with food.

“fine with me.” you shrug, taking a sip of water.

chaewon’s voice suddenly goes quiet, “y/n someone behind you is staring at you, he’s one of those popular guys!” she whisper-shouts, trying her best to hide her expression.

“so? you’re popular too, maybe he’s staring at you.” you brush it off, why would it even matter anyways?

“no y/n- that’s jay park. he’s like- he has some major beef with hyun-woo.”

“and what does that have to do with me?”

“jay is a heartbreaker, maybe you’re his next subject to get hyun-woo mad or some shit.”

“so? hyun-woo didn’t even like me, nothing bad will happen.” you reassure her, patting her shoulder.

“whatever you say. but stay away from him okay?” she looks at you seriously.

“okay but what does he even look like-?” you whip your head around to see, a group of guys laughing. one shamelessly staring at you. he smirks at you, a wink coming soon after. you look at him in disgust, turning around.

“why did you look y/n!” chaewon whisper-shouts again.

“what? i was curious? how am i supposed to stay away from him if i don’t know who he is?” you put your hands up in defense.

“okay fine…” she groans.

“you’re still going to the party right?”

“yeah sure, whatever.”

[multiplicity-positivity]

hi uh i could use some advice :<

im a host of a recent system of 20-ish and guh i am t i r e d

im mainly looking for advice on how to switch or just retreat into the headspace/leave front or even just kinda stop being fully aware while still being in front for awhile bc id rlly like to take a break and the realization that im most likely front attracted/frontstuck is kinda making me more tired of being in front

also if it helps at all my(&) system is parogenic + traumagenic in origin (specifically parotraumagenic) and theres kinda iffy communication between members (some of them i have clear communication with and they randomly pop up to say stuff, some i have no idea where they are and some of them i can usually only hear when im directly interacting with them).

afaik (as far as i know) only three?? ppl have rlly "fronted" per se, and the rest have been co-con

i apologize for the long and mildly depressing ask but any help is appreciated also dont forget to hydrate

Hello! We have some posts that might help you that we’d like to share if that’s okay. The first is a post we wrote a while back with some tips on switching from our own experience:

We’d also like to share this post by @rin-and-jade on being frontstuck or frontlocked, and how to go about unsticking yourself!

Our own system host (Parker) is almost always fronting to some extent. It can certainly be exhausting and disheartening fronting nonstop, especially when other members of your system can seemingly come and go as they please. He’s going to put some info under a cut for how he copes with fronting constantly, in case you want some advice on coping with being genuinely unable to switch out!

We hope something here will be helpful for you! We’re wishing you the best of luck with switching out or at least learning how best to cope with fronting in your future!

(Host here - I’ll just write this bit if thats okay. Anyway here’s some stuff I do to deal with The Horrors of perpetual existence)

Meditation

Taking a few moments to sit in comfortable silence can be useful for me when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed or straight up exhausted. Here’s how I meditate (I’m no expert and I’m sure there’s better ways to do this… this is just what I do)

- get in a comfortable position in a quiet place where I’m not likely to be disturbed

- set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes

- close my eyes, focus on my breathing

- don’t dwell on any thoughts but also don’t push them away; acknowledge them and let them go

- try to stay still and calm until my timer goes off

And that’s it. Sometimes I get interrupted by an alter or something outside, but for the most part, this is how I’ve been able to meditate effectively.

Rest

I take naps whenever I can. I sit down whenever I can. I’ll literally just close my eyes for a few minutes whenever I can. Our body has issues with chronic fatigue, and fronting constantly can sometimes exacerbate our exhaustion. So yeah I am a huge fan of naps and will often set a timer for like 15-20 minutes and snooze whenever the opportunity arises. Even just lying down with closed eyes can help replenish some energy.

Distractions

Reading, watching something on TV, or playing video games can help give me somewhat of a break even if I’m still fronting. I do tend to try and keep us distracted as much as possible… sometimes to our own detriment. But if you find that you really aren’t ever able to switch out, or if your system is specutien and that’s just the way your system functions, finding things you enjoy that can serve as distractions may help you as well.

Saying No

This one’s tough, but I’m trying to learn to say no when I’m overwhelmed or have too much on my plate. This means sometimes I’ll cancel plans, hand off a responsibility, make a compromise, or turn down an opportunity if I don’t have the energy for it.

Honestly idk how much my addition can help you, but if you find that you’re not ever able to switch out at all please know there’s other folks out there in similar positions. Hoping you can make the most of your situation, anon /genuine

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

No bc Frank hitting Debbie was literally so upsetting

Like she loved her dad in the first seasons, and always thought he could change, and idk him hitting the person who once loved him the most made my heart break :((

ok hi hello hi i was trying to respond to this and then LIKE A LITTLE BITCH tumblr deleted it soooo yeah ik this isn’t relevant but i want to bitch about it so i’m bitching about it so sorry if this post isn’t my best it’s a remake kinda

ANYWAYS

i was already sad about this, but then you said that, and now i’m even sadder. like, “hitting the person who once loved him the most” 😭😭

frank and debbie are so fucking complex… i’m writing about them right now and when i post it i’ll link it to this but like… god. they’re one of the saddest duos in shameless, in my humble opinion.

debbie fucking loved frank so much. she cared for him so so fucking much. she made sure he was safe at night, she waited for him, she joked with him, checked on him, fucking took care of him more than he took care of her because at this point, she was parenting him more than he was parenting her and in return she got empty promises.

i am a firm believer that what set debbie on her season 4 downfall was 3x02. she had already lost hope in monica from 2x12 (and kinda 2x11 but not really), but she still had hope in frank. she knew he was a shitty, abusive alcoholic who would never change but she still waited for him, still prayed for his return, still let him into their house and let him sleep in her bed. but then he and his friends destroyed and pissed in her room, and frank destroyed her project (that he refused to help her with) and suddenly… she’s just changed. like, a part of her dies and she just goes fucking crazy on him.

i think that for every gallagher child there was a point in their life where they just officially lost hope, and that was debbie’s.

and then in season 6 their relationship is mended almost? like, they spend a lot of time together, he’s the only one she has at the moment, and they go to that weird-ass place with queenie together (i forgot what it’s called sorry LMAO). like there’s a moment before she’s gonna give birth to franny where she says, “no daddy, please. i’m scared. i want to go home” and i like sobbed because she’s his fucking daughter and i ASSUMED that they might have a bond or something after that but… nope!

in season 7 he hits her.

and it’s like… okay, that’s your sixteen year old daughter. the one who waited for you. the one who brought you a pillow every night. the one who loved you the most. the one who named her daughter after you because she loved you. she gave you everything and you gave her nothing.

it’s giving, “he takes what he pleases and offers nothing” (fiona gallagher, 3x07).

and if we’re going to talk about frank hitting his kids, what about ian also? i don’t want this post to be about every character but since we’re on the subject i’ve gotta bring it up. he’s hit ian multiple times, and he’s done it off screen before too, apparently. i don’t even wanna hear y’all say “i think frank was a good dad he just-” like no. yeah, he got abused growing up, and i get the cycle of abuse, fuck peggy gallagher, yeah, yeah. but you guys know that’s not an excuse… right? frank is still a piece of shit. he’s a drunk and an addict, as well as a narcissist. he neglected and abused all of his children. don’t even try.

fuck frank gallagher.

i can’t believe some of y’all think debbie is worse than frank is. unbelievable.

[haisuu]

Can you do you write Hcs or scenarios with Arturo Ace Whit and Charles joining there lover father for a driving test just to get his blessing and this happen (Driving Test video is base on Phineas and Ferb Driving Test Watz)

I’ll Try My Best!

A (Driver’s) Test

Arturo; Ace; Whit; Charles x Reader (separate)

Summary: They’ve got to get your father’s blessing..shouldn’t be that hard right? Just a simple drivers test, and they’ll be done! But it turns out to be a bit more complex than expected…

a/n: I’m just trying to get back to a consistent posting schedule rn lol (it’s not happening)

——————

Arturo Giles!

He must admit, your parents did not match up to your beauty at all! But he does need your father’s blessing…

When he hears about the idea of a drivers test, he becomes a bit skeptical though…

Oh, whatever! If they have any sense in them, then they should make it easy, right?

…Nope.

As soon as he saw the upcoming trip he’d have to endure, he instantly felt a sense of fear for a brief moment.

But, he’d do anything for you! So he’ll do it, just to get this over with and get your father’s blessing!

He was able to ace the test, flying colors! But he must admit, your family is quite..eccentric.

“Y/n, your family is..interesting, to say the least.” He said, as you chuckled alongside him.

———————————————————————

Ace Markey!

He’s a scaredy cat, he’s not making it let’s be real..might as well try though, right? …right?

Yeah, before the test even starts he’s already muttering screaming at himself to get out of here..

But in the end, he can’t, he needs your father’s blessing and he’d do anything for you!

Yeah, he ended up crashing into the lake and had to be saved by your dad to make sure he didn’t drown..

Safe to say..he didn’t pass the test, but your dad still cut him some slack and gave him his blessing anyway, so..success?

On the way home, he rambled to you about how he both was not scared at all and how he felt like he’d piss his pants every single second that passed by.

“Your father practically tried to kill me, love! I don’t know what he’s thinking to be honest..”

———————————————————————

Whit Young!

He’s..not too scared when he sees the following driving path. I mean sure he might die in the lake but he’ll be ok! Right?

He’s already met your father and he was a kind man, so it was perhaps unexpected to see a bit of a grueling task, but he wasn’t too worried.

I mean, he was sure he was going to pass, cracking a joke or too before the test started.

…he ended up crashing into the lake…he didn’t die though, so that’s good!

Your father decided to have mercy on him, recognizing the chemistry between you two!

And now, here Whit was, rambling over the fact he almost died, he seemed to have gotten over it quick though, since he was now teasing you as usual.

“Come on, Y/n! You totally were missing me while I was doing the test, weren’t you?”

———————————————————————

Charles Cuevas!

To say Charles was skeptical about the test was understatement..he didn’t find the need for it quite frankly. It’s evident you two love each other, so there’s really no need, right?

Oh, but he’s absolutely head over heels for you, if he dies professing his love to you this way, he’ll die happy, so he’ll do it.

When your father first met him, he thought Charles was perfect for you in almost every way!

He was only concerned that Charles wouldn’t put in the effort or make you feel safe and comfortable in the relationship. Which is why he felt he needed Charles to take this test.

Charles had a few nerves going into it, mainly worried about the lake, and the sharp turns. But he knew he’d be able to do it.

Safe to say, he passed! He was very happy, but only let a small smile onto his face as he saw you smile with glee.

You two decided to walk home, your house wasn’t far anyway! And he needed a bit of a break.

“I told you I could do it, Y/n. Did you really doubt me?” He said in a both teasing yet serious tone to you.

———————

Hey, Hey, Hey! Hope you enjoyed! Please know that I have huge mental/writer’s blocks when it comes to writing so please be patient! I do appreciate all the requests though! Please be safe, take care of yourself, and have fun! Bye!

[goldenglock-preacher]

Since you were looking for short goldenglock ideas...

Grisha notices that John is like...severely depressed today. More than usual. He starts trying anything to cheer him up, just throwing himself at John in every way possible, cuddling with him, babbling on and on about nothing to keep him entertained, etc. Until eventually he resorts to telling John outright how much he cares about him, and that's the one thing that seems to get through.

(No pressure, idk if you take writing prompts!)

Omg thank you and yes please send me all the prompts you can come up with I will take every opportunity to write about these fuckers and not worry about the main fics plot progression. That post was basically asking for prompts.

Things take place after the 4th movie so John cuts ties with everyone and is in Grisha’s circle “full-time”, living with him. Decided to make it take place in a longer span than a day because Grisha is way too dumb to find a solution that quickly. 

Idk how we got here but now there’s also insomnia??

“I worry about you.”

John is hands down the calmest person in Grisha’s circle. Nobody has the same amount of emotional control, which often made him the supportive rock involuntarily. This group full of relationship drama and misunderstandings would just gravitate towards him, like a voice of reason, even though he wasn’t the best at giving advice. 

Being able to make him smile was Grisha’s biggest accomplishment but recently…he just couldn’t manage to do it. Everything that worked before just suddenly stopped and he would see John get lost in his own mind more than usual. 

- John, listen, something bit Volodya in the ass and now he’s throwing an absolute shitstorm my way, so we have to leave in like-

- I’ll stay.

Grisha’s thoughts break off, as he tries to put on his leather jacket in a haste.

- Are you…sure?

It might sound silly but this was somehow the thing that triggered Grisha’s alarm. Nearly every time Grisha tells John about his plans, the man is already at the door. He doesn’t always end up being useful but he still finds these little adventures entertaining enough to join in even on the most mundane tasks. They were basically inseparable. 

- Yeah…

Grisha would have stayed, if the phone wasn’t aggressively vibrating in his pocket right now.

- Okay then…see you for dinner?

John nods.

God, it felt weird saying that. 

****

He felt bad being out of the house for so long and when he came back, he expected to see John asleep at this point…but he wasn’t. He was laying on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen. There was an empty take-out bag in the kitchen. To Grisha’s surprise, John seemed to have ordered delivery while he was home.

Grisha completely stopped using delivery once he moved in, because John would rather cook himself. So all of this was really uncharacteristic for him. 

- I’m home.

He finally spoke up, watching John slowly sit up.

- What, not even a bark?

Grisha lets out a laugh, hoping that he will break John with just the stupidity of that sentence but it’s like he didn’t even register the words.

- What are you doing up so late anyways? It’s…

Grisha checked his watch

- 3 AM.

- Just…didn’t feel like sleeping.

John answered in a mellow voice. 

- C’mon John, I was gone for just a day, no way you started missing me this much already!

He was sure that this would at least pull a protest out of John but, once again, it’s like he didn’t have any energy for Grisha’s antics, which made the conversation awkward, to say the least. His joking was completely cut short and now he didn’t have any ideas. 

****

He took a whole day off, just to stay with John and convince him to go outside. They were side by side the whole day, just one on one, with nothing to do but bast in each other’s company…but it didn’t help. John still seemed to not be entirely here, instead drowning in his thoughts that Grisha, sadly, couldn't read. He was desperately showing John love at this point, not letting the man’s skin breath without him for too long. Shoulder grabs, holding hands, hugs, as if his touch could send a message. John didn’t push him away but wouldn’t respond much either, like a stone statue. 

****

Is insomnia contagious? It started to feel like it is. Grisha was laying on the bed for what feels like an eternity but the inner turmoil of knowing that John is not happy right now, makes his eyes stay open. He couldn't just leave him like this...so he got up.

Grisha walks into the living room and leans on the wall, crossing his arms, watching John mindlessly sitting on the floor and staring at the screen. He wasn’t actually watching it, none of the channels registered in his brain. He just pressed the remote button over and over again, in a rhythm, even. He wasn’t really asleep but also not awake. It was hard, seeing him like this. Despite his talents and strengths, lack of sleep can take anyone out.

Grisha sighs, with a bit of hesitation, but finally gets enough courage to step towards him.

- Sorry, did I wake you up?

John addressed him first but didn’t look away. At least he’s aware that Grisha is standing there, next to him…which is something.

- I worry about you.

He delivers it to him straight, which seemed to have grabbed his attention. John’s finger stopped clicking the button, now looking at nothing but static. He was still silent so Grisha didn’t have much choice other than just continue. 

- I’m watching you get tortured by things outside of my understanding and there’s nothing I can do. 

John gently places the remote on the floor, as if to make sure the sound doesn’t interrupt him.

- I want to give you everything. I want to make it better but I’m just…too stupid to figure out how.

He couldn’t be sentimental without at least an awkward joke for too long. John lowers his head, looking at the floor. He’s trying to hide his face with his hair.

- You deserve happiness…or sleep, at least. 

Grisha gestures to the TV.

- I’m so lucky to have a chance to be the one to give you that happiness…but I don’t know how to help a man who’s stronger than I could ever be.

After a beat, John picks up the remote once again but only to turn the TV off. He leaves the remote on the floor and finally gets up on his feet. His eyes, slightly watery. 

- Let’s go to bed.

[violetvelourr]

How long I have been doing art

People occasionally ask me how long I’ve been drawing and that question gets me utterly confused 😅 um, probably since I remember myself?.. 😅

First of all, big reveal. I’m old. Much older than you probably ever guessed. Because I’ve been doing digital art since 2003, and I was not exactly a toddler at that point, he-he. Don’t ask me my age though – I’m still a lady and I consider it impolite 🤭 but that might actually answer the questions of many teenagers why I don’t particularly interact much 🙈

So anyways, now we have settled my “art career” span. But saying “I began doing digital art in 2003” – well… I don’t want to do that, because people will be like, “whoa, 20 years”?! And will freak out at such a prospect – 20 years to get to my level, which is, frankly speaking, far from professional. Not to mention that before digital art I also drew traditionally quite a bit.

But the main reason is because “doing digital art since 2003” does not equal “for 20 years”.

How about we revisit these years and look closer at my digital art journey? I can’t promise that I will recall everything 100% accurately, but I’ll do my best.

So around 2003-2004 I tried drawing in Photoshop for the first time. It was an image of a lion, and to be honest, to this day I’m hella proud of myself.

Yes, first attempt. Yes, I drew with a freaking mouse!

My second piece from the same year span is the “Dancer”. oh yes, the remakable hepatitis skin tone 🙈

To be honest, I don’t recall having a drawing tablet that long ago, I'm quite sure I got it only in 2008, but looking at it, despite its flaws, I can hardly believe I drew that using a mouse… I’m not sure, it’s a mystery. The Lion was definitely a mouse artwork.

From thereon I abandoned digital art for a while due to studying, then work, and finally online RPGs…

In 2008 I posted my first digital WIP after a 5 year break.

Oh my gosh... Remind me to never try realism again, clearly not my thing 🙈

I think I was trying to draw an avatar for myself, which doesn’t exactly justify drawing a woman aged probably around 40 🙈 I was not that old!! As far as I can see from my journal, that artwork crashed and only this snippet of it was what I had left. I think it’s for the good. I ended up commissioning the avatar from a proper artist, ha-ha…

Over the span of 2 months I posted 5 more digital art pieces, none of them ever completed actually 🙈 And yes, behold how ugly they are...

My ambitions were growing faster than my skills were improving. The piece with the couple with that naked girl is my special pain because I even attended a digital art course by an amazing artist I was really looking up to back then – Anry – to try and finish this piece, but I failed miserably. I was the only person in that course (5 day 12hr/day intense course) out of 15 people who came “just for fun” – the rest were pursuing a professional digital illustrator career.

This is what I left off with after that course.

In this collage you see on the left what I came with, the middle – what the teacher did after I explained my concept, and on the right – my attempt to take the piece to its final form. But I could never accept that the base was made for me and not by me...

It still grips my heart when I look at it because it was one of my greatest fails. I think that to die peacefully, I need to finish this artwork 😆 If anyone is curious about the story behind this artwork, I’ll post it separately.

Anyway, as I said, I didn’t reach my goal, was hugely disappointed in myself and dropped digital art in April 2008.

However, I came back 1.5 years later, in November 2009, when I got into anime 😂

I think that’s also when I first tried Paint Tool SAI. Up until March 2012, I uploaded roughly 20+/- digital artworks/WIPs. The quality was a bit inconsistent, but I was beginning to get the hang of it a bit, finally. Here are some of them (yeah, the span of the mood is extraordinary):

So, in 2.5 years – merely 20 artworks. Just to compare, in 2022 alone I made 75+ artworks, which doesn’t even include animations and stuff I considered to not be proper artworks.

So, my last artwork from that period was in March 2012 (the one with the winged dude blocking the way for the girl), after which I abandoned digital art again, for good this time. I actually thought - forever, to be honest.

I’m not sure what happened then. I guess I just lost my motivation, got over my fictional crushes, was depressed and not happy with myself…

Problem is that in reality, I don’t have any imagination at all. Part of the reason why I always suspected that despite being quite decent in drawing, I would never succeed as an artist, so I could only say that my dream was to draw for Disney. But I knew I never would. And I knew I can’t do original art. Fan arts – yes, subject to being highly inspired, a feeling similar to a crush. I was too dependent on the mood. But even so… my artworks never were particularly fancy or original, I admit it.

Part of the reason why I’m also so sensitive about AI now. I see people actually living my dream, and I'm so happy for them. Working as illustrators, having an income from what they create... And that is being stolen from them now. That’s why I will probably never accept AI.

Ugh, turned off the subject…

Anyway, as I said, I abandoned art in 2012 and only picked it back up in October 2021 because of Kakashi. 😆

If my math is correct, that’s a 9.5 year break. I have been going non-stop since October 2021, so I would say that my ongoing artistic journey lasts for almost 2 years now. The previous 2-year period with 20 artworks – I’m not really sure about the value of that. The previous 7 digital artworks – even more so.

If I had to sum up my entire digital art journey, – I would say it is around 5–6 years, but in reality probably won’t add up even to 3 years, because the 3 years adding up from a bit of 2003, a bit of 2008 and bits of 2009-2012 had me produce only around 30 artworks, a majority of which were never even completed.

My main progress happened between 2021 and now, so in the last 2 years. And to be honest, I understand that if I am to continue - this is only the beginning...

[thecrimsondandelion]

Richie is basically climbing the fucking walls. He’s got half his wardrobe pulled out and scattered over his bed, a mountain of florals, tacky t-shirts, and the few new suits he’s collected thanks to a certain Miss Beverly Marsh.

He’s never had this much trouble trying to pick an outfit in his entire life. Not at prom, or at any award show he somehow managed to get an invite to. He’s gone on talk shows with a ‘MILF: Man I Love Fishing.’ t-shirt he found at Goodwill.

“I just don’t see what the big deal is.”

“Did you not hear me before? That me and Eddie are going on a date? Edward fucking Kaspbrak, love of my life since we were kids, know him?”

“How many times have you guys gone out together since he moved in with you? If I have to see another Instagram post where you both argue in the comment section like some weird mix of horny teens and an old married couple, I’m going to go crazy.”

“That’s different!” Richie whines, throwing himself back onto the heap of clothes on his bed, “Those weren’t dates, not like, officially.” They’d decided to take it slow and date first after a semi-heated kiss at the Benverly’s (as Richie lovingly called them, like the teen girl he was put into the body of a hairy middle-aged man) cabin, after a tipsy love confession. A love confession that Richie absolutely did not reply to with ‘That is so fucking neat.’ They’d gone out together plenty, but they both agreed to date like normal people would, like they might have done when they were younger if their lives hadn't been fucked up by the killer-clown-from-Outerspace.

“You sound so lame right now. I hope you know that.” Despite the comment, the layer of fondness was clear in Stan’s tone.

Richie pouts, mumbles a petty little, “No, you.” back.

“Anyway, back to the point. What the fuck am I going to wear?”

“You’re talking to the wrong Loser.”

“You’re so right, I don’t wanna turn up dressed like you, Grandpa. I’ll call Bev.” He pauses, pulls at a piece of skin on his lip with his teeth, trying to soothe his racing heart.

“Hey. You’re gonna be fine, Rich. And if Eddie breaks your heart, I’ll break his entire body, okay?” And fuck does that make Richie tear up a little, after all these years, even 27 of them apart, Stan was still particularly protective of him. Even against another of his best friends. His low self esteem appreciated the safety net of knowing that when if Eddie ever just got fed up with him, Stan would be there on his side. “Not that he’s going to. He’s just as stupid and in love as you are.”

“Aw, Staniel. You big ole softie... Thanks, man. Tell Pats I’m asking for her, yeah?” With that he hangs up.

For a moment Richie feels calm again. Until he looks at the mountain of clothes dumped out onto his bed. Fuck.

Bev answers on the second ring, “Hey, Honey! How’re-”

“Eddie and I are going on a date, what the fuck do I wear, Bev?”

She vetoes most of his wardrobe, Ben shows up for moral support too, like the angel sent from Heaven that he is. The thing is though, Richie feels pretty fucking awful leaving the house without his garish shirts – they're his armour. He can wear something fucking horrendous and it distracts away from everything that is him.

Miss Beverly Marsh knows this, and she simply won’t stand for it.

In the end he’s wearing a nice pair of black jeans, cuffed to show off the bright pink Monty Python socks that had been Okay'd so he could have at least one comfort item. And another compromise, a navy shirt with a subtle floral print. It doesn’t scream ‘Weird Al meets the Muppets.’ but it’s enough that it doesn’t make Richie feel stuffy and unlike himself.

“Lookin’ sharp, Richie!” Fucking Ben, so earnest and nice, Beverly coos at his side in agreement, giving a whistle as he’s forced to give them a turn. He’s not used to that kind of attention; he can feel his face heat up and the way his too-tall body wants to shrink in on itself.

“Have a good night, Sweetie! Remember to use protect-”

Richie cuts her off with a shout, suddenly feeling like a teenager being embarrassed by their parents before a first date, “Oh my god, Bev. Shut up.” She cackles good-naturedly at him, while Ben holds back a smirk.

The call ends and he feels sort of bad that Bill and Mike were left out of his crisis, so he shoots them a text: ‘Got a date with Eddie, literally going to die. See you in hell Billiam. I’ll miss you when you’re chilling up in heaven Mikey.’

He can only let himself be distracted by the other Losers for so long, and how fun it was to have his battle with Bill. But it’s creeping closer and closer to 6pm, he knows that he and Eddie will have to leave soon to make it to their reservation. So, he rubs his sweaty palms against the thighs of his jeans, sniffs his pits to make sure he still smells good, and pushes himself out to go knock on Eddie’s bedroom door – which he couldn’t help but achingly hope would become the guest bedroom again in the nearby future.

And isn’t Eddie just a fucking sight for sore eyes, his hair isn’t gelled back to oblivion, so it looks so soft, it curls around his face prettily. Makes Eddie look younger. He’s dressed up in clothes that cost more than Richie has ever spent on anything for himself, fucking Gucci loafers and everything. He looks hot as fuck, and he smells sweet and earthy.

Eddie also has the most shit-eating grin. “I hear you were having some trouble.”

“What? Which one of those assholes told you?” Richie would, in future, deny how whiny he sounded whenever Eddie brings it up to the Losers, when he brings it up at their wedding.

“Rich.” Eddie has the cutest, most devious fucking look on his face. Richie’s cheeks burn as his face is gently held between Eddie’s hands, he can feel the callouses from Eddie’s car endeavors, he can smell the cologne on Eddie’s wrist. “I could hear you, I’m across the fucking hall and you speak like you have a built in megaphone.” And Jesus God Damn Christ, Eddie says it like it’s a compliment, like it's something he adores about him.

Richie turns his face to hide it in the palm of one of Eddie’s hands and, again, whines. The part of him that overthinks, that hates every move he makes, tells him that he’s already fucked up. That Eddie is going to realize that he’s an idiot, that he’s a dork and completely and utterly out of Eddie’s league. As if Eddie isn’t the type to say, ‘See you later alligator.’ or ‘Okay-dokey.’ in a serious conversation.

“C’mon, we’ve got reservations and I’m starving my ass off.”

Richie makes a great effort Not to make a comment on how much of a tragedy that would be, because he really does love that little fucker’s ass.

He does let himself show a little vulnerability, “You still wanna go?”

Eddie cocks his head to the side and gives him the sweetest little smile, catches one of Richie’s hands in his own and gives it a squeeze, “Fuck yeah. You look too good not to, Trashmouth.”

[cosmereplay]

Day 27: Diamond

Chapter 1 - Negotiation (yeah I went overboard today) Rated Mature, Ialai/Beryl, Sex work, set during Way of Kings Cross posted on ao3

As Beryl changed and readied herself, she wondered one last time whether attending Ialai Sadeas as a Jasnah Kholin look-alike might be a bad idea. However, the Sadeases had an excellent reputation with the other prostitutes, and the pay Ialai’s scribe had offered was substantial, with payment up front. 

She looked in the mirror, holding her trademark diamond spherelamp, which contained the sphere she kept her illusion in. She couldn’t keep it on her clothes, for obvious reasons. The white light also allowed her clients to see her well, which was the whole point of hiring a look-alike. She made sure not to make herself look too uncannily similar. It helped that she was shorter than the princess, and a little younger. She enjoyed wearing Jasnah’s face with clients; she didn’t have to change very much physically, and stepping into the demeanour her clients wanted was often a fun change of pace.

However, most of her clients didn’t know the princess personally like the Highprincess did. That made her stomach flutter. Well, either way, she had a job to do. Head up and confident, she was granted entry into the Highprincess’ inner sanctum.

The room was rich with soft carpets and heavy tapestries, making the room feel smaller than it was. A hearth with a lit fire warmed the room, making the space feel cozy and alive. Elsewhere the room was lit by emeralds, not locked in spherelamps but open in goblets and small bowls–a sign of extravagance and self-assured confidence.

The Highprincess herself was not on the large, soft bed at the centre of the room, but in an overstuffed armchair in the corner. She gestured to Beryl to take the seat opposite her. Beryl acquiesced and placed her little diamond spherelamp on a delicate side table.

Brightness Ialai regarded her with a pleased air. “I admit I’m impressed,” she smiled. “Even down to the havah style. For a moment I thought the bitch herself had found me out. Now, to business. I assume since you accepted my price, you understand I will be asking more of you tonight.”

“Yes, Brightness,” Beryl said, inclining her head in deference. “I was told you would be interested in having me act like the Princess, and you would be spanking me. That’s perfectly acceptable to me, so long as you hit with the flat of your hand, and stick to my stomach, thighs, and ass.”

“Hm,” Brightness Ialai said, tapping her chin. “How about hair-pulling? Not hard enough to hurt, but perhaps enough to surprise.”

Beryl nodded. “Yes, Brightness, that would be fine. I would also ask no fingers or any other objects be put inside me. I have my own tools, but I was told you weren’t interested in them anyway.”

“Yes, that is correct. Although, now that I’m looking at you…” she trailed off thoughtfully.

When Beryl was in the room, sometimes clients thought to try to alter the agreement, and it seemed that Brightness Ialai was no different. 

“Can I come on you?”

An unusual request from a woman, but Beryl would take it. “So long as you provide me a wash basin afterwards. I’ll need to leave presentable.”

“Yes, you will,” Brightness Ialai said in a colder tone. “I’ll want you leaving promptly and without drawing any attention. If there is no talk of your presence here after two days, I’ll send an emerald mark. If there is any talk, I’ll never hire you again. If any rumours arise as to the nature of our contract, I’ll have you whipped.”

That raised Beryl’s eyebrows. “You won’t have to worry about that, Brightness,” she said, feeling unworried. Leaving undetected would be much easier than the Highprincess thought. “In return, of course, you’ll know that if you break any of my rules, your reputation within my network will be burned to the ground.”

Regular clients were best held in check by physical threats; merchants, threats of financial consequences. High-ranking lighteyes could only be held in check by their reputations. Brightness Ialai nodded amiably, already familiar with these standards.

She leaned forward, then, her light green eyes glittering. “You won’t have had occasion to meet Princess Jasnah, so I will tell you that she’s stuck up, judgmental, and thinks she smarter than everyone. I heard that she’ll be moving to the Shattered Plains, so I need to get this out of my system before she arrives. Act like you’re better than me, and let me wound your pride. Do you understand?”

Beryl nodded, then rose. She took a calculated risk, wanting to start her off irritated. She affected a bored, judgmental tone. “Then by all means, let’s begin, Ialai.”

Chapter 2 on tumblr

[papayafiles]

watch drive to survive with me, a lando fan with absolutely zero chill, season 6 episode 3 edition:

(this got so long it literally exceeded tumblr's character limit, which i did not know existed until now, so i'm splitting it into two parts and posting it anyway because what is a tumblr blog for if not dramatic unhinged public breakdowns!)

it hasn't even started and i'm already Losing My Mind

"the brand cries out for more performance" with angsty heavy music... i forgot how dramatic drive to survive was. the music really enhances the stakes here.

"we did go backwards last year. no denying" cut to daniel struggling at the back 😭 he's not even in the team anymore and he's still catching strays. drive to survive editors have zero chill.

dramatic conversation between zac brown and a mclaren exec about how poorly things are giong... cut straight to lando walking into his interview with rice cakes smiling and giggling. I LOVE HIM.

the squeal of excitement that came out of my mouth at his VERY FIRST line (it's one word: "wow". wow indeed lando norris. you. yes. wow. i need to stop)

producer: "did you break it?" lando: *instantly looks concerned and checks*

LMAO not oscar waving his arms in front of the mtc double doors trying to motion sensor them open... only to fail epically 😭 dork (affectionate)

LANDOSCAR <3

oscar arriving late to the first mclaren team meeting and immediately thinking to ask his guide if lando's arrived yet vs lando making a point of pointing out that he beat oscar there 😭 idiots

lando watching oscar walk into the room for the first time with a contemplative expression… what are you thinking in that beautiful curly head of yours

oscar, doing an official interview about mclaren f1 vs lando, in the corner, eyeing him up and down: oscar’s quite tall, huh? he doesn’t look tall, but he is. he’s also like 15.

trademark dts beat drop after will buxton finishes dramatically chatting shit oh i've missed this

lando face scrunch count: 1

oh no we’re doing bahrain

i didn’t watch bahrain live so i didn’t know it was this bad 😭 wdym 25-30 second long fifth stop of the race my god

“red bull DOMINATES bahrain” yeah yeah shut up

claire williams??? what is she doing here

lando looking distraught cut the cameras i can’t do this 😭

“is it too soon to call it a crisis?” f1 journalists have zero chill (derogatory)

mclaren were DEAD LAST?? i was not aware

not christian horner again 😭 leave lando ALONE! he doesn’t want you!! netflix pls stop exploiting cute norstappen clips for your rbr lando agenda i do NOT endorse this

christian horner saying lando would fit really well in the red bull environment…………… in WHAT world

i’m so interested in seeing how conversations with pr managers go… like this is so fun to see them go through the bullet points of what topics journalists might ask and the ~vibe~ they want to be giving in their responses

…okay netflix i REALLY feel like you’re taking clips out of context and splicing them together to form a narrative here. and i get that that’s your whole job. but i think i also get why lando signed that renewal so early now 😭 warding off dts bullshit before it can even start to hit

“we’re so slow on the straight” dipping to a whisper like a confession he didn’t mean to slip out… glance up then back down again… i see you storytellers weaving the narrative. i see you. i get it. you really don't need to keep going

okay i know lando and zak are having a very serious conversation in this scene but also. lando in golf clothes. arms. AND legs. bronze tanned smooth skin... i’m not even thirsting here i’m just pointing out OBJECTIVE facts that are possibly maybe a little bit distracting me from… whatever they're talking about

“i’ll do my best, as always” ❤️ he always does

will buxton shut UP

why are they spending so much time on miami... they weren’t even good there… we’re getting more angst aren’t we.

ohh i forgot how pretty the red bull miami liveries were

nevermind they’re showing max lapping the mclarens. no longer pretty. fuck that livery actually

lando sounds so depressed on the radio i’m going through it 😭

did he really say haha. LOL. :/ on the radio 😭😭😭

“i’m not suggesting it may look bad. i’m suggesting it is bad”

lando saying "fucking hell" on the radio count: 2

okay do we really need another montage of team principals ragging on mclaren. we get it! you want him! he has a line of admirers a mile long! move on!!

NORRUSSEL CONTENT

according to george there are drivers who drink during normal race weekends?? lando throwing up his hands as the camera points toward him like not me! (i can't tell if george is joking but that sounds crazy to me? i bet it's either a really depressed backmarker or max after winning the wdc on a saturday)

not george calling the mclarens horrendous 😭 have some mercy

……………………………………...........

NETFLIX—

cut the cameras.

NETFLIX WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME

the way i'm actually in tears 😭 i'm so fragile right now do not talk to me

"this is the worst start to any season i've ever had. i want to be the best driver there is in formula 1. that's why i started my whole journey" THEN THEY CUT TO HIM IN A GO-KART??? A MONTAGE SEQUENCE???

they really edited together a mini montage of lando's whole journey including interview clips of him as a young child then put a voiceover of his tiny baby voice saying "i need to be stronger and not make so many mistakes" over video footage of adult lando looking depressed out the plane window and expected me to just be okay after that.

then they go straight into a montage of zak brown and lando's history together going way back ("first time i met lando, he was a small 14 year old ... he was very shy, as you'd expect a 14 year old... he was very fast.") cutting between old photos of them together pre-f1 with emotional music ("i think the first time he drove a racecar it was probably mine") oh! okay then!!

"i would love to create the story and finish the story and everything with mclaren. i really would love that." EVERYTHING HURTS

why does watching this episode make me feel like he's going to leave mclaren when i KNOW he just signed a contract extension? the magic of mood-setting background music and splicing clips together

zak brown meeting with all the sponsors... he is a stronger man than me. i would be freaking out in his position. it's also insane how much is riding on literal sports results from a corporation/business perspective? like the amount of pressure on f1 drivers to deliver is wild and here we are giggling at our silly clown sport and its silly circus events

oh claire williams shut up

(you don't even have a job in f1 anymore why are you still HERE)

[jungilhoon]

from 2015 to 2023: a retrospective!

i’m mostly writing this for myself, but if you happen to take a look and even get something out of it, that’s cool too.

i started this blog in march 2015; it’s now december 2023. back then, i was still a student, reaching the end of my teen years and preparing to progress towards the next stage of my life. i’m now twenty-eight (birth year buddies with sungjae, let’s go).

to be honest, my main goal in life during that time – aside from surviving university and then finding a job – was basically to spread recognition of btob as much as i could lmao. it was as if my well-being depended on their happiness and success. i wanted to watch them succeed so bad, and i feel like their rise equated to some of the most exciting years of my life. they gave me something i thought i was missing, and i needed them. at the same time, i think i was experiencing a lot of difficulties during the years 2015-2017. btob became my escape and comfort that helped me get through that period. looking back, i could have been relying on them a bit too much, but they certainly brightened my world. for that, i’ll always be grateful.

one of my fondest memories will forever be seeing them live for the first time at their 2017 concert. being in the presence of the seven people i had been supporting so hard was profoundly touching. hearing fellow melodies singing their hearts out to ‘it’s okay’ alongside myself brought tears to my eyes.

anyway, as time passed and i started to spend less time online due to changing commitments offline, i began to notice changes in myself. i stopped posting here in 2019 for no significant reason other than that i had gotten busy, and i was finding myself genuinely enjoying life by then. i was discovering happiness in more ways than i had before, but btob stayed a part of me. they were my reliable friends, my found family – the ones i could come back to at any time. my home.

in late 2020 and 2021, i distanced myself for a while. i don’t think i ever fully processed the news back then. i might have even told myself that not paying attention and blocking it out would be for the best. i basically took a break, only checking in here and there. (4u ate up on kingdom.) i’ve naturally drifted away from people i knew back then, but i’ve also stayed close to a few. eventually, i found myself accepting the way things had become, albeit slowly. i still miss and care about ilhoon. i understand if he will never be a ‘public figure’ again. i think i can simultaneously acknowledge and hold both of these perspectives. every now and then, such as when i’d finished watching the btob time movie last week, i do feel sad about it. it’s hard to just get over it. yeah, i’m an adult, but so what.

my mindset has changed as i’ve gotten older. in the past, i was hostile and quick to react in the face of negativity. i was chaotic; i always wanted to prove a point. i guess i’ve calmed down a lot since then. i’m pretty mellow these days. on the whole, i’m not fond of spending too much time engaging with strangers or acquaintances online. truthfully, it did make me anxious then too. i kind of prefer just tossing things into the void, like this post, and quietly enjoying what i like. that’s why being active online the way i used to be doesn’t seem to work for me anymore. still, maybe with rose-tinted glasses, i miss those days i spent just waiting on the next btob update and having fun here. i scrolled through my archive for a while last night, riding on a rollercoaster of emotions.

what i actually mean by my mindset having changed though, is that i seem to view things in life more positively these days. i’ve somehow stopped being so pessimistic all the time. i found it difficult to look on the bright side when i was younger. i was colder, filled with dread, and eternally expecting the worst. as a person, i think i’ve become warmer, more appreciative. precious things can disappear just like that. i try to be thankful, in case it’s true that nothing gold can stay.

i’m undecided on if i’ll randomly appear with the odd post when i feel like it. there’s no harm in it, so perhaps! at present, what i want to say is that i still wholeheartedly love and support btob. always will. i have their season’s greetings pre-ordered. now that they’re out of cube, i’m so excited for what they might have in store next. i don’t know what it’ll be, but that’s okay. whatever it is, and even if it’s not what i’m expecting, i trust them. i’ll be proud of them. really! 비투비 예전에도 지금도 앞으로도 사랑해요! 🩵

(p.s. i impulsively bought hour moment photocards at 2am last night, so maybe i actually still need to relax.)

[subbyfoxelf]

[tv review] star trek: lower decks, season 1 (2020)

like a lot of star trek fans, i was pretty skeptical about this show going into it. the animation style screamed “family guy,” and there is quite a bit of rick and morty in the show’s dna. like, for instance, series creator and showrunner mike mcmahan was one of the first writers hired for rick and morty and served as its showrunner for a season.

one thing that did reassure me at the time and made me more willing to give the show the benefit of the doubt is that mcmahan was the self-professed “scifi guy” of the rick and morty crew. considering that the show’s inclusion of actual, interesting scifi concepts was one of the things i did actually like about it when i watched it, that was a promising sign.

anyway, yeah, saying i was “pleasantly surprised” by this show feels like a massive understatement. pleasantly shocked? pleasantly astonished? whatever you want to call it. i held on to a lot of my skepticism early on, but it didn’t take long before i fell head over heels for the show. i distinctly remember turning to my fiancx after one episode and nervously broaching, “soooo… this is actually really good, right? i’m not crazy?” and being relieved that ve was thinking the same thing. i was actually kinda genuinely sad when lower decks passed the baton back to discovery for their third season, though i felt pretty dumb about that when discovery went into beast mode that season.

so, yeah. the animated comedy star trek show is actually extremely good, and clearly made with star trek fans first and foremost in mind. i think what really caught me by surprise was how much heart it has. it tells good stories while also having great jokes basically constantly, and despite the comedic tone it genuinely believes in and cares about its characters.

wait. i've got it. the one sentence i would say to other star trek fans to respond to their (understandable) misgivings. this isn't rick and morty, this is futurama.

the first season was a lot about establishing the show’s identity and getting fans onboard with it, so i probably won’t have as much to say in my episode reviews of this one as i do of other star trek shows. a lot of it was working towards making it the show i described in the preceding paragraphs, and putting all those pieces together and establishing everything took a lot of time. so these will be more like capsules with my rating for the episode attached than actual reviews.

1x01 “second contact”

the only reason this isn’t the best star trek pilot is because we live in a post-strange new worlds world. okay, actually, “emissary” is pretty great, too. i’ll have to see how they stack up against each other when we get to that one. a-rank

1x02 “envoys”

the sequence where rutheford is trying out different departments is rather silly conceptually but i freaking love how supportive and enthusiastic everyone is. i think that really went a long way towards breaking the ice for me. a-rank

1x03 “temporal edict”

mariner and ransom butting heads was actually very well done, and ransom shows that while he might be a himbo and a bit of a gloryhound he does genuinely care. a-rank

1x04 “moist vessel”

mariner hating being promoted and boimler just shaking with rage over the whole thing was the best thing ever. a-rank

1x05 “cupid’s errant arrow”

the best friend and girlfriend both being suspicious of each other and protective of their boy was adorable, and waiting until nearly the end of the episode to reveal that the girlfriend was doing it too and having them bond over it was a great choice. having boimler be the one who had something wrong with him all along was also a nice touch.

also i freaking loved captain freeman finding out that the last domino in the demolition of a moon was that it would inconvenience a rich guy, and she was just immediately like “blow up the damn moon.” like, zero hesitation. that was awesome. a-rank

1x06 “terminal provocations”

cannot believe they added the third chu to make it the chu chu chu dance. incredible. a-rank

1x07 “much ado about boimler”

the show’s creative team is apparently a bit remorseful that they didn’t make it more explicit that mariner and ramsey are exes, and honestly that does make a huge difference for me. like this episode is already super good, but i think if they had been more upfront about that it could’ve pretty easily been the show’s first s-rank. a-rank

1x08 “veritas”

i fucking love this episode it is probably the moment when i relaxed and allowed myself to believe that this show was probably just actually as good as it seemed like it was.

the “trial” is a great framing device, the misunderstandings on top of misunderstandings are hilarious, and i really love how earnestly our main characters gush about how awesome starfleet is even though it’s because of a huge misunderstanding. a-rank

1x09 “crisis point”

mariner forces her friends to participate in a holodeck pastiche of wrath of khan that has a ton of wonderful references to the tos movies, it genuinely gets kinda epic, and although she’s avoiding therapy with the milquetoast ship’s counselor she ends up getting accidentally therapied by the experience. meanwhile, boimler accidentally learns that mariner is the captain’s daughter so that’s obviously gonna be a whole thing. a-rank

1x10 “no small parts”

there are a lot of things to love about this show in general, and this episode in particular, but i think the one i’m going to single out is the first canon appearance of captain william t. riker in command of the u.s.s. titan. i think i shrieked with joy at that the first time i saw this episode. s-rank

[ibitsunahaato]

Nimbus FUMBLE / Part 1

Tori: Ugh~ Sigh~ I can’t take this anymore… I’m gonna die…

I’m bored to death!!!

Yuzuru isn’t back from work yet. And I’m already done watching all the dramas and movies I had saved up…

And since there was nothing else to do, I watched every single one of the videos trending on this site. But this is it—I’m seriously bored by now~

I was super busy with work during the year-end and couldn’t catch a moment of break.

And then everyday, I’d wish for a day I could just relax, right? Yeah, I did but—

Now that you’re telling me that I actually don’t have to do anything, I’m bored out of my mind~!

But still, you know. It’s finally my day off after all, and simply idling around like this is…

I keep feeling like I’m wasting my time and I can’t stay still… As if my efforts are going to waste?

…Hm~

Yeah. I really can’t waste a holiday in this sloppy way! Lemme go out and try finding someone I can hang out with.

Tori: Tsk~ The theatre room is also empty…

My guess told me that someone’s here for sure and yet~!

Noone’s in the courtyard and bookroom either. So is everyone really busy with work at this time…

And if someone is around, they’re much likelier to be in the common room? Anyways, lemme go take a look.

Aira: …

Tori: (Ah! Isn’t that Shiratori sitting on that sofa over there?!)

(Yay ♪ I was searching around for anyone, but I found someone I’m close with—I’m so lucky!)

(Hm~ What’s he doing though? I can only see his back so I can’t really tell, but he’s not in the middle of work or something, right? Let me try calling out to him…♪)

Hey, Shiratori~ What’re you doing? Why don’t you hang out with—

Aira: …Waah… Sob…

Tori: HUH?! H-Hey! Shiratori, are you crying?! Did someone bully you?!

Aira: …Agh… Huh? Himemiya-senpai…?

Tori: —So… Basically, you were crying because you were moved to tears by a manga?!

Aira: That’s right.

Tori: What’s this~? You were crying so much that I got worried thinking about what might’ve happened~ Well, I’m glad it wasn’t because you were bullied by someone or something.

Aira: Ehehe. Sorry for making you worry.

Tori: And the manga you were reading—It’s this one? It’s the type to actually move you to tears?

Aira: ! Yeah, it is! It’s like a 4-koma manga that was first posted on socmed.

But the characters were so cute and a sequel was anticipated, so it kept growing.

As of now, the manga seems to have had an overnight success! My fans recommended that I read this one.

I asked for interesting manga suggestions online and lots of fans replied to me—

Ah! Wait, I gotta…! I need to post my reactions online while the feels are still strong!

Um…”I read the manga everyone’s talking about! I can’t say a lot cause I’ll end up spoiling it.”

“It was so tragic and painful that my chest hurt SO much! By the time I was done, I was a total mess covered in tears and snot. The classmate kid had me COMPLETELY hooked. Love~y ♪”

“Classmate for the win![1] Thanks for the recc!” —And, sent ☆

Tori: F-For the win…? Not “will win”? Sounds like a usage I’ve never heard.

Aira: Ah, “for the win” is like… It’s a popular thing to say right now? …It means something like “This is #1 and the best. Nothing can beat this.”

Like “My fave for the win!” is something often used.

Tori: Hm. Eichi-sama for the win! …Like that?

Aira: Yes, perfect ♪ That’s exactly how you use it, Himemiya-senpai.

Ah, but don’t say that in front of Fushimi-senpai, okay? If he finds out that I taught you weird language usages, I might get scolded~...

Tori: Huh~? I mean, there’s no way I’m gonna…No, wait, I might?

Aira: HUH?! I don’t like that?! Moreover, I don’t want Fushimi-senpai to hate me. Himemiya-senpai, please forget everything I just taught you~!

Tori: I was just messing with you. I mean, Yuzuru isn’t gonna get mad at something like this.

Aira: Agh… Are you sure? Then, I guess it’s fine…

Tori: Besides, Shiratori is super thorough, huh? You post things like detailed manga reactions on social media like this?

Aira: Even Himemiya-senpai shares lots of stuff, right? I always go through all of them ♪

Tori: Well, I don’t go as far as sharing manga reactions though.

…Ah, this is incredible. You’re getting tons of likes.

Aira: But even you get tons of likes, Himemiya-senpai. And I think you get likes at a much more incredible pace.

Tori: Hm~ You don’t really get it when it’s about yourself. But when you see someone else getting the likes, it feels really incredible, huh.

Aira: Well, even I get that feeling of others seeming much greater than yourself.

Ah, but now it’s like…

Tori: Hm? Did something happen?

Aira: It’s nothing at all, and I know that I shouldn’t be so hung up on it. There’s something I’m worried—No, it’s not that big of a deal…

Um, there’s something I’m a little pressed[2] about?

Tori: P-Pressed about?

Ugh~! Speak using words even I can understand~?!

Writer: Maiko Nishioka

story masterlist ✦ next →

Proofing: Maximum Cheese

Aira uses a Japanese internet slang term "しか勝ったん" here, which is often used to talk about your faves being the best, despite grammatically not making such sense.

Aira uses another Japanese internet slang "モニョる" here, which actually means to feel uneasy and troubled by something that you can't properly put into words. Slightly different nuance from "pressed" but it's a close enough English internet slang that worked.

[em-dashes]

03.25.2023 - March Update

Total Word Count: 30330 (+4689 since last update)

I finally broke into 30k eyyyyy! The projected word count was 40k but now I’m thinking it might be longer. This might end up being....a regular novel? I have no idea. I guess we’ll see.

Usually I post an update at the end of the month, but since I got so much progress, I got too excited about sharing it hehe

Firstly, here’s a comic sans slideshow I made for this wip!

The further I get into this draft, the harder it’ll be for me to talk about plot specifics without spoilers. But I’ll try my best anyway. Rambling and excerpt below!

So for a while, I’ve been stuck on a chapter where Zahira’s car breaks down, and this has to lead into a big bonding moment for Dany and Zahira, and it has to lead into the next chunk of the story, which takes place somewhere that is pretty different from the rest of the setting.

There were two problems. First, there was no real lead-up to The Bonding Moment. This wasn’t a problem I realized existed until I wrote in a new bit of Dany starting to like Zahira and went “Huh. I think I really needed this scene.” Good job, shower!me who came up with this randomly.

The second problem was that this chapter was overcomplicated. I knew it for a while, but surprise! Un-complicating a chapter is preeeettttyyyy dang hard. Especially when I had to keep the same amount of vital information. Originally they had this whole thing about going to the auto shop to get Zahira’s car fixed, but I removed this once I pinned it down as the biggest complicating factor. The only thing about the setting that really mattered anyway was that they needed to be close to a parking lot. And that could be anywhere!

The next few chapters were technically easier, but I found that I had some trouble with finding when chapters / parts should end. I was imagining the story as a TV show with the parts acting as episode breaks, as I’ve said before, but something that works for a TV show isn’t necessarily going to work for a book. I was getting too attached to the idea of this wip as a show, and I had to break myself out of that mindset.

The original break between parts 2 and 3 made the last chapter of part 2 feel veeeery rushed, so I moved the break a little earlier, and that allowed me more space to explore that chapter more. I actually ended up splitting that chapter into two chapters, and that made the pacing work so much better.

Oh yeah, this was all for the main present storyline by the way. The flashback stuff with Marisa have always been easier to write. That part of the story is getting quite sad at the moment :^(

Anyway, quick small excerpt! Context: Dany is not having a good time and Zahira is trying to comfort them.

C’est touttttt I’m gonna turn off the computer and go read now :^D

-Emily