#I’ll play it some more once I’m not too tired and can better focus on it

[tariah23]

I was kinda getting my ass beat in FSR, um sorry, I’m a disappointment-

[jamdoughnutmagician]

Three Minutes (18+)

Mechanic!Eddie Munson x Fem!Hairdresser!Reader

Set in the A Cut Above The Rest universe, because I was missing them. I really want to write some more, smaller one-shots for this series about some of the milestones in their relationship, but until now, have this!

Word Count:2,098

Warnings:Unplanned Pregnancy, mentions of illness/being sick, little bit of smut, unprotected sex, Eddie being a two-pump chump (but we love him anyway), fluff. I think that's it for warnings, but if you want something tagged, don't hesistate to shoot me a message.

Masterlist // Eddie Munson Masterlist

Waking up feeling the same as you had going to sleep the night before was not how you wanted your day to go. The previous night you had gone to bed earlier than usual, your body tired from being on your feet all day, and a headache from the radio playing the same songs on repeat in the salon. Not to mention you had been feeling really sick all evening, that even eating dinner had been a struggle that night, to the point where Eddie had very graciously held your hair back whilst you emptied the contents of your stomach down the toilet. 

After very kindly bringing you some painkillers and a glass of water to wash them down, Eddie held you close in his arms all night, laying soft kisses against your forehead as you drifted off to sleep. 

Waking up to your boyfriend already half-dressed in his work's dark, grease-stained coveralls, a white tank top underneath, whilst the suit was unbuttoned and the arms of the sleeves were tied around his waist. The scent of coffee drifted in as he made his way over to where you were still very much cocooned under the duvet.

“Figured you might want this.” He says holding out the steaming hot mug, as you begin to unravel yourself from your bed sheets to sit up and take it off his hands.

“Thanks Teddy,” you smile weary as you take a sip before setting the mug on the bedside table, “Suppose I better start getting dressed or I’m going to be late for work.” you huff as you start to fling the sheets off your body.

“Ah ah ah, oh no you don’t.” Eddie shushes, as he gently eased you back into bed. “I called the salon, I told Madison you weren’t feeling too hot, and now boom! You’ve got yourself the day off!” 

“Eddie!!” you cry but he’s quick to silence your worries with a kiss to your forehead.

“Don’t worry about it, she told me that Naomi could cover your appointments, and you’re clearly not well enough to be on your feet all day.”

“I’ll have to give Naomi a bunch of flowers when I see her, I was supposed to be doing Mrs. Truman’s hair today, and you know how much of a nightmare client she can be.” 

“..But you don’t need to worry about that for now,” Eddie assures you, picking up the mug from the bedside table and handing it to you once more. “I just need you to focus on feeling better.”

You roll your eyes at him, as you take a sip from your coffee.

“Yes, Doctor Munson.” you begrudgingly agree.

“Good, that’s what I like to hear. I’ve got to head down to the garage for a few hours, but I’ll try to get home early today. Don’t do anything crazy today okay? I love you.” and with a final kiss pressed to your lips, he was out the door.

You allowed yourself the time to finish your coffee in bed before deciding to get up. Throwing on one of Eddie’s old Black Sabbath shirts, because wearing it was like being hugged by Eddie, the all too warm and familiar smokey scent of his cologne clinging to the fabric .

Deciding that one solitary cup of coffee was not a substantial enough meal for yourself, you head off into your small apartment's kitchen to make yourself some breakfast. A few slices of bread are popped into the toaster and sure enough as they pop they are then promptly spread with a quickly melting layer of butter.

However, no sooner than the two pieces of hot toast are eaten is it before you are rushing to the bathroom once more, bending over the porcelain of the toilet, only for your breakfast to make an appearance for the second time this morning. The bitter taste of bile burning in your throat as you stand up, flushing away the evidence with a groan.

You reach for your toothbrush in the cup on the counter next to the sink, smiling to yourself for a moment at how domestic you and Eddie had become in the short few months of you two moving in with each other. You vigorously brush your teeth, in a desperate attempt to rid your taste buds of the vile taste stinging the back of your throat, before rinsing your mouth with a swill of mouthwash.

It’s only when you look up, that your eyes land on the small hamper of pads that you keep in the bathroom, that you suddenly realise that you don’t actually remember getting your period last month, and suddenly everything feels way too overwhelming. You couldn’t possibly be pregnant, right?

As your reflection stares back at you in the mirror your thoughts rush back to the annual Harrington Halloween party…

With enough alcohol in your system to make you gleefully giggly, and Eddie wearing the same rogue pirate costume that he wears to every single one of Steve’s Halloween parties, you let him tug you by the hand away from the hubbub of chatter coming from all the other party-goers.

“C’mon, they won’t even notice that we’re gone.” he purrs nosing into your neck with soft kisses. “You’ve been driving me crazy all night with this fucking costume too y’know?”

Truth be told, that was the plan with your choice of Halloween costume all along. A matching bright yellow plaid outfit, with a skirt that was just short enough to enticingly flounce around your thighs. White thigh-high stockings and white kitten heels complete your costume, a near perfect recreation of Alicia Silverstone’s costume.

He leads you upstairs, away from the party, away from where the music pounds from the stereo below.

He takes you down the hallway, checking to see if the coast was clear before ushering you into the Harrington’s master bathroom. Locking the door behind him he all but pounces on you. His lips colliding with yours in a sloppy clash of tongues eagerly sweeping into your mouth, tasting the sweet mix of alcohol and fruit punch. His strong arms easily pick you up and sit you on the ledge of the bathroom counter, your legs wrapping around his narrow hips desperately trying to draw him closer to you.

HIs wandering hands creep down your body, roaming underneath your skirt, whilst your fingers unbutton the few buttons holding your yellow cardigan together. You were just about to slip off the offending item of clothing when Eddie voices his protests.

“No, no, leave it on, you look so fuckin’ sexy” he growls against your lips.

Your own hands wander down between your bodies, and sure enough there’s the insistent bulge pressing eagerly against the fabric of his tight dark denim jeans.

Eddie shudders with anticipation as your nimble fingers drag down the zipper of his jeans, before digging into the waistband of both his jeans and boxers. His ruddy cock surges forward, the tip already glistening wet underneath the dim bathroom lighting.

“Don’t think I’m gonna last very long this time, Sweetheart.” He murmurs as he hooks your panties to the side and his fingers skate across your folds, slippery arousal coating his fingertips. “I promise I'll make it up to you later, I just gotta have you right now.”

And in one swift push of his hips, he fills you to the brim with every inch of him. Hips drawing back enough with a shallow thrust before angling back towards you again and again.

Your heels are digging into his back, as his thrusts get sloppier, eager to chase his high.

And when he feels your tight heat clenching down on his throbbing cock, he’s done for, muffling his moans in a deep kiss pressed to your lips as his hips stutter out his release, spilling rope after rope deep inside you.

The bright fluorescent lights glare down on you from above as you stand in the ‘health and beauty’ section of Melvald’s general store.

You were thankful that today it seems pretty quiet, and as far as you can see, you’re the only customer in the store. 

It always sounded like an exciting thing to do with your partner, heading to the store, buying a pregnancy test, and waiting together to find out the results.

But here you were, by yourself, buying a can of orange soda and a pack of Oreos to make buying a pregnancy test seem less conspicuous.

With your items in hand you make your way over to the cash register.

Fuck. Joyce is working here today. 

“Just these items please.” you say as calmly as you can as Joyce begins to scan all three of your purchases. She gives you a knowing smile when she scans the pregnancy test catching your nervous features.

“Don’t worry your secret's safe with me. I hope you get the results you want, either way.” she says reassuringly, putting your items in a small plastic bag

You hand over the money and take the bag from her with a nod and a small smile.

Three minutes.

That’s how long the instructions had said it would take before you had your results. 

But three minutes suddenly felt like an eternity when you were waiting for potentially life-changing news. Three minutes was enough time to have your mind spinning with all the thoughts that came with taking a pregnancy test.

You hadn’t even really thought about what you would do if the result turned out to be positive. Did you want kids? Eventually yes, but it wasn’t something that you had planned as soon as now. Did Eddie want kids? You’d never talked about this with him, so whatever he thought about this was a mystery to you.

 Just as your thoughts spiral there’s the sound of Eddie unlocking the door and letting himself into the apartment.

“Honey, I’m home!” he calls out cheerfully. “Where are you?”

“I’m in the bathroom.” you call out to him.

He knocks on the closed door of the bathroom with a cheery knock.

“You alright in there, Sweetheart? Can I come in?”

You tell him to come in and the door swings open, he sees you ducked down with your head in your hands, and soft sobs shudder your body.

Worry fills his chest immediately as he’s quick to rush over and wrap his arms around you.

“Sweetheart what’s going on? Are you okay? Talk to me, please.”  he asks with a shaky voice as he tries to tilt your face to look towards him.

Opening up your hand you reveal the pregnancy test to him.

Something akin to shocked, and scared pulls at his features, his big brown eyes unblinking nervously. 

“I-is this real?” Eddie manages to stutter out with a suddenly very dry mouth.

“I haven’t looked at it yet, I’m too scared too.”

“Do you wanna look at it together?” He offers, taking your shaking hands in his.

You nod and as you turn over the test in your hands there it is, clear as day, two little pink lines.

“Is that…are you..Are we having a baby?” Eddie asks softly, his voice full of emotions.

You didn't trust your voice not to crack so you give him a silent nod of your head, and as soon as you see how excited he looks you can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of joy. The tears start to flow freely from your eyes. 

“We’re having a baby..” you breathe. “We’re having a baby!” you repeat, with giddy enthusiasm as the fact of the matter starts to sink in.

He’s quick to pick you up in his strong arms and whirl you around in a tight hug.

“Oh Sweetheart, this is the best news ever!” he babbles with a peck to your lips. 

He settles you down on your feet, and his big brown eyes flicker down to your stomach as if asking for your permission. 

“It’s okay, go ahead.” you smile.

He kneels down gently placing his work-hardened hand on your stomach.

“Hi baby! It’s your daddy here, I know your mommy and I have only just found out about your existence, but we’re both very excited to meet you.”

“You know the baby’s probably only the size of a grape right now.”

“I just want them to know how much I love them already.”

You rake your fingers through his dark curls as he rests his head gently against your stomach, smiling to yourself when you hear him let out a small contented sigh.

“Baby steps, Teddy. Baby steps.”

@penguinsandpotterheads @mrsjellymunson @eddiesxangel

@aphrogeneias @ali-r3n @seatnights

@munsonsbtch @keeksandgigz @xxbimbobunnyxx

[allthings-acorn]

Dogblr! I’m working through a training issue and would love some different perspectives. My question involves dealing with prey drive, engagement, and premack, I think?

Ok, so, I have a fenced-in yard for the first time ever, and I’ve been trying to start things off on the right track for Acorn. Acorn is a three year old mutt, with a fair chunk of terrier ancestry. There’s is nothing he loves more than searching for and chasing critters. I want him to be able to enjoy the yard, but not to totally disregard me while he’s out there.

Here’s what I’ve been doing so far: We go outside on a leash. I wait for him to offer eye contact before taking the leash off. Then, I reinforce any and all engagement with me. I start off with treat tosses for choosing to check in, and usually after a few minutes I can cue different behaviors and have sustained engagement.

The problem is, the amount of time I have to wait for him to offer me attention is pretty variable. I’d hoped he would start offering engagement sooner but it doesn’t seem to be happening. Tonight I suspect there was increased squirrel activity, and he ran around from tree to tree for about 10 mins, rarely checking in with me. I’d wanted to play fetch with him, which is a favored activity of his, but obviously doesn’t outrank squirrels. After about ten mins, I tried to begin the game, which, in retrospect I should have realized he wasn’t going to go for. He blew me off once, I tried again a few minutes later and he chased the toy twice before losing interest again. At that point I leashed him up, and brought him inside.

I’m trying to put my own frustration aside, but it’s definitely a factor here. We have a similar issue in agility class, the barn where classes are in the winter is a huge issue for us. He does better when we train outside, but he still has a tendency to leave me and run the fence line investigating smells instead of working. I really really want to get to the point where I can let him off leash, train and play with him, and THEN release him to the environment.

So here’s my current thinking— I’m feeling pretty discouraged, so let me know if you have any ideas or if you think I’m on the right track or not— I need to stop allowing him to do the searching for prey behavior until I’ve finished with whatever I’m planning to do. I suppose I’ll keep him on leash or maybe a longline, work engagement until he seems ready to start on whatever the goal of the session is. Start small at first and see if it becomes easier for him to focus on training once he knows he’ll get to run around the yard afterwards.

Ugh, for some reason I’m not liking this plan. I suppose it makes me feel like I have to be the Fun Police, making him eat his vegetables before dessert. But I’m also very tired of feeling like I have to coax him to engage with me every time we’re working around any distractions. I feel like my current protocols work in the short term, but I don’t see any improvement from session to session. Clearly this is an ongoing problem for us, and I hope that being forced to tackle it at home will help address the issue in agility too. Anyway, I would love any advice, insight, pep-talk, commiseration, suggestions for courses or other resources, etc. I just need to stop feeling like I’m banging my head against a wall!

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Vesuviella: Part 11

The next rehearsal is for a group of scenes you don’t technically star in, but Julian insists you come along anyways: “Ah, how do I put this. They need a better reason to get along with each other than just the play.”

“And who is they, Julian?” You’re on your third cup of tea, trying not to nod off as you host him at your backroom table once again. He’d stopped by shortly after dinner to make some more director’s notes in his script and wanted your input. It’s now midnight.

“Asra and Lucio.” He leans back with a sigh and crosses his arms over his chest. “They tolerate each other much better than they used to, but tempers might flare. They’re not the best at listening to me when I try to make them see reason. Besides, Pasha will be there too, and you know how Pasha can be.”

He leans forward across the table again, watching you with an eager grin. “Be my co-director. They listen to you. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” The last sentence is spoken in a slightly more suggestive tone, one impressive eyebrow quirking. You open your mouth to respond and yawn instead, nodding to get your agreement across. He jumps up with a start and peeks outside.

“Already midnight? Ah, MC, why didn’t you say something? Come to think of it, you look exhausted! I should have noticed sooner, I’m terribly sorry.” He’s lurching from his chair, drawing you out of yours by your hands as he continues to flounder.

“Not to say that you look bad, you just seem tired. Er – that is – you always look wonderful, you just look wonderful and sleepy. You could pull off any look. Sleeplessness, illness, death – wait, no, I didn’t think that through. I didn’t mean to say that, I’m sorry I – where do you sleep? May I take you there? Would you like any -" He pauses with a gulp at the foot of the stairs as your half-asleep brain tries and fails to process his word vomit, a flush rising on his cheeks “- help? May I help you to bed?”

You focus on the most recent question and shake your head. “That’s alright, I’m fine. What about you? It's pretty late.”

“Ah,” he sighs, before rallying himself and looking around the closed shop. “I’ll just catch a few winks on that carpet collection until it’s light enough to walk back. Don’t worry about me.”

You nod sleepily, too tired to argue, and turn to head up the stairs. “Goodnight, Julian.”

“Goodnight, my dear.”

[ghoulpepperv]

I've been struggling to be motivated to do any writing or much of anything lately. I won't go deep into it, but I did this to just do some writing for fun. It's been healing. Just two little drabbles.

I apologize to those who don't want more BG3 shenanigans. This is about my Tavs, Beryl (Wood Elf Warlock Bard) and Tessa (Human Rogue Ranger), because I love them. I might keep them as just DnD characters to play in the future or give them their own unique story.

If you're a BG3 fan, I'm sorry about getting my brain babies all over everything.

It Wasn't Kindness

Beryl couldn’t even remember why she was in Baldur’s Gate to begin with. It was probably nothing more than a layover to where she actually wanted to be. It all seemed so unimportant now. Until this tadpole in her head was dealt with, she wouldn’t be able to focus on much else. Getting off the Nautiloid had been her first priority.

Gaining party members had been a side effect of her journey. The first person the Wood Elf had encountered was Lae’zel. The Githyanki was a formidable but vexatious ally. She was the right amount of unhinged, topped with a refreshing bluntness. You were never left wondering where you stood with Lae’zel. Beryl could work with that.

As they made their way off the Nautiloid, Beryl and Lae’zel came across Tessa, a human rogue, trying to pry a half-elf out of one of the pods. The woman was desperate for this help which Lae’zel was hesitant to give. Beryl nearly walked on by but something compelled her to stay. Maybe she was getting soft or just stupid. 

Once free, the half-elf would introduce herself as Shadowheart. It turned out to be for the best since she was a cleric. It always helped to have one on your team. Tessa found her own way of being annoying: she was too fucking nice. 

Beryl wrote her off as an idiot who would probably get them killed. Yet her skills would be helpful. And Beryl couldn’t turn any of them away, could she? It wasn’t out of kindness, of course. That would be silly. They all needed each other to survive this. It wasn’t deeper than that.

As they traveled forth, the group kept growing. Tessa was insistent on saving Gale of Waterdeep from the sigil. The wizard was grateful and Beryl would be remiss if she didn’t admit having a wizard around is a good idea.

Astarion was different. He had greeted Beryl with a knife to the throat. Yet she admired his moxie. The pretty face didn’t hurt either. Tessa seemed more annoyed by how easily Beryl let him join them after attacking her.

“I’ll take responsibility if he does anything untoward, don’t worry,”

“Like holding a knife to your neck?”

“Oh, would you let that go?” Beryl was tired of this conversation.

“Gods, you really can get away with anything if you have a pretty face.”

“Not that you would know anything about that.” Beryl immediately regretted the words. She sounded so much like her mother in that sentence. She sighed, prepared to swallow her pride and apologize.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that, it was a knee-jerk reaction.”

But to her surprise, Tessa was laughing.

“Your words have no sting,” Tessa said. “Just something a very hurt person says when backed into a proverbial corner.”

Beryl scowled at the accusation.

“You’re forgiven.” Tessa’s tone was obnoxiously saccharine. Beryl made a mental note to never apologize to her again.

“We need all the help we can get.” Beryl felt the need to defend her decision suddenly. “It can’t hurt having two rogues with us.”

Tessa mulled this over. “I guess, but if he kills anyone here, it’s on you. And he better not kill me. I’ll be particularly angry about it.”

Beryl nodded, accepting the terms of the agreement. This seemed to appease Tessa.

The other companions weren’t any less drama free, especially when Wyll and Karlach joined. Beryl wasn’t used to playing peacemaker, but she had managed to keep Wyll and Karlach from killing one another. Beryl was used to traveling alone. Solving other people’s quarrels was not her forte and yet here she was. Doing just that.

But she wasn’t doing this out of kindness. None of this was kindness. It was survival, just like she’d been taught. She didn’t care about any of these people.

She couldn’t care about them. It would be a weakness and weakness means death.

So no. It wasn’t kindness.

It wasn't.

Right In Front of My Party?

“It’s quite thrilling, to fight off such grim creatures as this region throws at us. Especially being at your side.”

Tessa and Gale locked eyes. He spoke to her as if she were the only person in the world. In that moment, she was at least to him. Despite the entire band of misfits standing just behind them, forced to witness this display of overt horniness.

“I once read a book that explained in some detail the effect a brush with dangers has on one’s desire for… other forms of stimulation. Have you ever read anything on that subject?”

Beryl furrowed her brow. Was he really doing this here? In front of everyone? 

The wood elf glanced around the group, searching for an ally in her confusion. Karlach watched with an adoring look on her face, like she was watching a romance novel unfold. Wyll gave a sly thumbs up to Gale to encourage him. He had been playing the role of wingman for Gale so Beryl couldn’t feign surprise at it.

Shadowheart was unmoved. Lae’zel didn’t seem as disgusted by it as Beryl thought she would be. It made some sense given how much githyanki connected love and fighting. The group had seen how true that was first hand through Shadowheart and Lae’zel’s unique romance.

Beryl believed Lae’zel felt nothing but hatred for Shadowheart, especially after catching them at each other’s throats one night. But only a few nights later, Beryl had heard sounds from Lae’zel’s tent that seemed to indicate they had more than buried the hatchet.

Beryl struggled for some kind of sex pun, but it eluded her. Lae’zel buried her hatchet in Shadowheart’s? No. No, that was bad.

Shadowheart was “the source of her bruises.” Of course, she wouldn’t mind whatever it was Gale was doing right now.

Astarion had a mischievous grin, enjoying the show. He was so adept at that act of flirting, it wasn’t a surprise he was relishing Gale’s awkwardness. It was like a wild animal studying a caged one.

 Beryl turned to Tessa. She had to be mortified––

“Read?” Tessa gave a flirtatious smirk. “I could have written the thing.”

These absolute freaks. Tessa looked ready to jump his bones.

“I believe you. You never looked so beautiful as at the end of a stirring battle, your cheeks flushed, gaze bright, muscles glistening,” he continued. “Perhaps it’s just the thrill of our near-death experience talking. But standing at your side through such darkness and disrepair, it only makes me want you more.”

Gale paused to regroup himself. “Unfortunately this is neither the time nor place to indulge such feelings. So, we must be patient and push all such thoughts aside. For now.”

Though a bit disappointed, Tessa nodded in agreement. Gale placed a hand on the small of her back to guide her to the Last Light Inn.

Beryl hated that she was happy for her two humans. She should have just been embarrassed for them, yet her brain signaled to her that this was “cute.” 

“Pity,” Astarion commented with a fanged smile. “I thought we’d be getting a show. I can’t say I wouldn’t have enjoyed it, even if it involved Gale.”

Beryl met Astarion’s eyes. He seemed to be drinking her in. Beryl couldn’t keep her grin at bay when he sent attention her way. While she knew Astarion was using her either for sex or something else, she did appreciate his boldness. He got to the point. He didn’t waste time on conversations about books and battlefields. He just asked if you wanted to have sex.

“Don’t you agree?” Astarion’s voice was dangerously low. Beryl’s eyes widened, taken aback. She nodded slowly. Oh no. Oh no, oh no. They were flirting over the idea of those two having sex on the battlefield.

Pleased by the confession, Astarion began to follow the rest of the group to the inn.

“Don’t fall behind, my sweet,” Astarion noted. “You don’t want to be caught in the shadows.”

Beryl didn’t need to be told twice. 

Gods, she was an absolute freak, too.

[aajjks]

TPOL!JK

“alright, alright mr. jeon. i will officially discharge you from the hospital but you are to attend your physical therapy appointments until your next check up” and jungkook is ecstatic to officially be discharged from the hospital. you’re excited too but since you and jungkook aren’t talking, he’s conversing more with his mother than you while you try to rock jaemin back to sleep.

you don’t really say much and you can tell jungkook is obviously ignoring you and if he wants to treat you like a third wheel, then you don’t mind leaving the two by themselves to celebrate.

“ji-ae, can you take jaemin?”

“of course. why?”

“yerin needs me” you say before handing her the sleeping infant and pressing a kiss to his cheek before grabbing your stuff and leaving. honestly, you made up a petty excuse to leave. your meeting with yerin isn’t until another 3 hours but if he wants to give you the silent treatment then why stick around?

“why, hello stranger. fancy seeing you yet again”

“oh, hey”

“why the long face? is everything okay?”

“yeah, just tired”

here you are yet again talking to the same stranger from yesterday. as much as you just want to rush out of the hospital, you don’t mind his company even if it’s temporary.

“so stranger—“

“you know you can just ask for my name right?”

“but that ruins the fun in your nickname”

“calling me stranger is fun?”

“yeah! it’s a resident evil 4 reference. i used to play that game all of the time when i was a kid”

“resident? what is that?”

“WHAAAT?!! oh c’mon stranger, you don’t know resident evil? and here i thought you were a dork like me”

“i am a dork but not a resident evil dork” you chuckle.

“yeah, i think i like that way better”

“like what?”

“your smile. you look better with a smile on your face”

“so you’re saying i looked hideous before i smiled? wow, such a charmer aren’t ya?”

“nononono! i never meant it like that!”

“hahaha, i’m just screwing with ya…a little”

“so before our short conversation ends, what’s your name stranger?”

“y/n. yours?”

“jackson. pretty cool name am i right?”

“it’s also pretty common, am i right?”

“ooohhh, you sound like a hater”

“and you sound delusional”

“DELUSIONAL?!!! oh, i am so offended right now” jackson jokes holding his chest which again brings a smile to your face. “alright alright, i’ll see you around y/n the stranger”

“you too jackson”

with that, you were once again departed from a new friend by the name of jackson. you’re hoping to see him again soon but your main focus is to call either yerin or jorja to vent your feelings as you drove back home. to your dismay, jorja doesn’t pick up but luckily, yerin does.

“UGHHHH I KNEW HE WOULD FUCK UP AGAIN! seriously, y/n what is it that you see in him? he’s a horrible human being, a fucking murderer, gaslighter, and is just childish. i love you and all, but you aren’t really going to marry him right? i can’t afford to see you marry someone like him”

so you told yerin some things but she easily puts two and two together. she already knows it was jungkook who killed jaekuk and she’s certain he killed chaeyoung and namjoon too.

in yerin’s eyes, you stayed by his side through all his fuck ups. you’re literally raising his child and accepting jaemin as yours so instead of acting like a grown man and consoling you, he chooses the childish route and ignores your entire existence.

“no seriously, don’t marry him y/n. he doesn’t love you, he loves that you enable him to whatever he wants with your feelings because you always come back. you’re a marshmallow until you leave and even when you left, you still came back. why do you think he got chaeyoung pregnant? he knew you’d stay around and guess what? you did. i love you and all but please, open your eyes y/n. he doesn’t love you…how about this, pack your stuff and we can spend time together before the wedding, okay? jorja can come too”

“okay…”

As he’s about to leave the hospital, he’s looking for you, where are you? Maybe you got a little upset because he gave you the cold treatment?

Yeah, he feels like an asshole for that but seriously how can you not see that he’s done it all for you? You make him feel like he should be held accountable for what he’s done? And now he just wants to spend his entire life with you and his son- and maybe even the family that you two will be able to grow with the right timing.

So, Jungkook decides to excuse himself, while his mother fills out some paperwork maybe it’s got something to do with the discharge, he has to call you and find out where you are.

He takes out his phone and dials your number, Jaemin is with his mother, so he has nothing to worry about, but- where did you go? Jungkooks holding the phone to his ear hoping you’ll pick up soon.

And you do, thankfully. It really thought that he had pissed you off more than he should have or planned to do. So he’s got a smile on his face as he hears your voice.

“Yn… where are you? We’re supposed to go together remember?” He speaks in a calm tone. And yes, his shoulder is still a little sore. And he is really sleepy..

[ghxstgvrlx]

Alright.

I have a list.

Therapy.

Doctor.

Job.

Move to a bigger apartment in 1 year because I really just feel suffocated, I really just need space.

Try to keep it light and relax and remember to stay grounded, feet on the ground. On earth.

Remember to just breathe. Nothing is that serious. Try not to creep people out by just being angry and misguided in some ways when you’re like this. You know what you mean but you have to be so careful how you say things because this isn’t a movie. This is real life, it’s fine to romanticize things you might feel the need to but you have to remember just the reality of life that you usually do.

Probably meds of some sort. I think it’s time to try again.

Get close to family.

Distance from anything too heavy rn. Don’t play around with such serious stuff, you know you don’t mean it but no one else does. You don’t have a great track record with being stable. Sometimes people just like fucking with you because they know they can in the moment. You know you’re intentions, find a way to get you’re points across and you’re desires for your future clear and maybe stay away from anything that might make things worse. It’s gonna get better, remember when you’re normal you’re fine. You just have to be a little more careful than others to remember to stay grounded and articulate. No more saying things you know you don’t mean just to feel something. Numb and sad and frustrated is fine. But scary however is a lot less savory and a lot less easy for people to back up. If you want help and real true help that your logical mind knows you need, you need to separate yourself from some art and music at this point and time. You may like aesthetics for fun but the world is serious. Bad things happen to people and it’s not fair. Nothing is fair. You really need to not joke about things you will regret later. In your logical mind, when you’re not ultra depressed and lonely, you know what you’re joking about is wrong. You hate it when you say stuff like that, something infiltrated your mind and doesn’t belong there. You’re not really reaching out for real help, so you’re really only gonna find things you don’t need or want. Just breathe. It’s okay. Breeeeattheeee

There will be a time where I look back on feeling this low and feeling like “you said what?” “You didn’t actually say that did you?” “You know better.” “You know you’re a good person in your heart and you don’t want to hurt anyone or yourself, you’re just tired of being hurt.” And don’t share anything you KNOW you don’t mean.

I find myself spiraling sometimes and once I follow a rabbit hole I get deeper and more brainwashed and it takes longer to be like Jesus Christ dude stop.

I’ll probably delete this. But I really don’t wanna make the same mistakes as last time. Just keep your head on straight and try to just focus on healing and getting better and in a better situation.

And please for anyone actually reading this, don’t take me literally. I don’t mean half the shit I say right now. I’m just frustrated with my life. That doesn’t mean the world is ending. lol it’s not. The world is just fine. I’ll just focus on fixing MY problems, that’s the only way to actually accomplish anything real for yourself.

Also there are people wiling to help and be your genuine friend. Stop pushing them away. You’re not scary. lol which is why you’re doing what you’re doing. You’re afraid you’re gonna get hurt and someone will break your heart when it’s already broken. The people who know you know what’s wrong and know what you mean. Stay off the fucking internet and try not to spiral deep into the abyss.

I saw some good advice that stuck earlier about saying hyperboles more often when you want to say something maybe a bit edgy or a bit concerning lol I needed to hear that, thank you.

There’s just like wayyyy too many possibilities and toxic shit online and irl that pull people who are lost into a place they can’t come back from. Those aren’t your thoughts and you know it. Don’t let anyone pray on you to go to an extreme place. You don’t need to be extreme. You’re perfectly fine being your chill and level headed sweet self. Let people see that. That’s better than some edgy bullshit that causes real people to hurt deeply. Be genuine, not scared. You’re okay. No one is going to hurt you. Just get in a better position to where you can protect yourself against the shit you put yourself through. Choose more wisely.

I don’t like who I’ve become tonight. I’m gonna need help not to do it again. It’s not okay. And I’m sorry.

[pick-me-up-im-scared]

Get To Know Me(-ish)

I was thinking I could answer some typical “get to know me” questions, if anyone’s interested in reading them. If not, I’ve just done it for myself, I guess. Anyway, I’ve found these on Google. Let me know if there’s someone to credit! (prepare for me babbling on about completely useless stuff)

What's your name? Julianna (but I´m open for any nicknames, especially "my little ps5 cooling fan")

How old are you? I turned 23 this year. Yep, I´m having an internal crisis

What's your sexuality? I will say bisexual for now. But there´s a VERY high chance I'll change it to 100% lesbian. Like, right know girls are the only thing that interests me.

What I love the most about myself? I´m very kind and loyal. It could be seen as something bad, ik. But I´m trying to not let people use it against me. I also believe I'm a good listener, which is somethings I'm proud about. I'd also like to think I could make a boring task funny, like grocery shopping or doing the dishes.

What I dislike the most about myself? I have a pretty bad temper, I blame it on my dad. If I'm pissed, don´t even bother trying to calm me down. Just give me a few minutes to myself and I'll be back. But that leads me into the next thing I hate about myself, I hold onto things for waaaay to long. If someone did something bad 5 years ago you better believe I still think about it. I´m also stubborn and think about other people´s opinion SOMETIMES, but let's not focus on that. I like to believe I just need to find "the right person" to pull me out of that mindset...

What are your favorite movies? This is suuuuuch a hard fucking hard questions for someone who enjoys movies like I do. And I’m not saying it in a “I like to watch movies like every other fucking person on this planet”, I mean I’m like sooo invested you wouldn’t even want to go see a movie with me. There’s no such thing as talking while the movie is playing. I even pay attention to the small things the actors do to make their role more “truthful”………yeah, I’m a maniac.

Anyways, I won’t even try to list all the movies I like or else we’d be here for YEARS! But two movies I can rewatch the second the credits starts to roll is either Once Upon A Time In Hollywood or The Dark Knight. But I also enjoy kids movies a little than I should…….but that’s a whole other story.

What's your favorite song? If the previous question was hard, then this is on fucking Viagra. I listen to sooo much music with such a variety. Like I listen to every genre there is! But I’ll give you three songs I haven’t grown tired of yet, even though I have them on repeat 24/7:

José Feliciano - California Dreaming

The Strokes - Repitila

Justin Bieber - Hard To Face Reality

What are your hobbies? I´m trying to make myself busy with literally anything. I can't stand the thought of not being productive (doesn't stop me from laying in bed, watching youtube for hours!). So basically anything productive. Drawing, some sculpturing (nothing professional, calm down), very rarely write (obviously, I haven´t been updating this blog for like ages!). Recently I've been trying to learn how to play the piano AND electric guitar (ik, you can give me your number after the show).

Do you plan your outfits? Yeah, way more than I think anyone who sees me thinks. Idk how many nights I've spent, planning out in my head the outfit for the next day. Even if you see me wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt you better believe that t-shirt wasn't the first one I tried on. Even if I´m going to the fucking hospital I can´t wear socks that doesn't match with the rest of the outfit...

The meaning behind my username? Tbh, I just started thinking of random stuff, like "sayings" that doesn't sound too...cringe? Then the Patrick meme of him in a knitted sweater with the writing "Mom, can you pick me up? I´m scared" (or something like that) popped into my head. I rephrased it a little before checked if it was taken, and it wasn't.

Any addition? Vanilla Coke or/and Dr Pepper (apart from my huge cocaine addiction), like I´m obsessed. Ik it sounds sooo dramatic, but if I had a no limit access to either of those sodas I'd die of diabetes in a week. If you want to get in my pants, just buy me a can and I'll get on my knees and propose to you.

Turn ons? I could say something like "eyes" and "hands", but I'll say some features I don´t think are AS common, but I go craaazy for. One of them would be scars. I can't explain to you how fucking kneebendingly HOT I think scars are. Idc if it's from acne, self harm or an actual injury. It's. So. Fucking. Attractive! People who's self contious about their scars, hit me up!

Second thing I find really attractive is backs, idk why but I just find them so ecstatically pleasing especially filled with scratches of my nails.

Turn offs? People who's playing hard to get or think they're hot shit! I've spend too much of my teenage years chasing those type of assholes. And people who think people like that, wtf is wrong with you? I'd have a nerdy sweetheart everyday of the week! These fuckboy-type of behavior needs to be stopped, istg. If you like me, tell me that! (also, I need that clarification every now and then, otherwise I'll think you despise me...)

What skill would you most like to learn? To be able to comprehend any social situations without wanting to blow my brains out. I´m the worse when it comes to socializing, like overall. Doesn't matter if it's my relatives or complete strangers, I'll dig my nails so hard into palms inside my pockets. People who can start having a random discussion with someone on the streets, or blend in with their partner´s family first time they meet them PURLEY amaze me. I wanna be like them sooo bad.

Favorite ice cream flavor? I will say just plain vanilla, CAUSE if a brand is good the flavoring doesn't need to be so complicated (to slap). The brands who has these crazy flavor combinations are usually doing it to try and conceal their shitty ice cream *cough* Ben & Jerry *cough*. But if I wouldn't choose that I'd probably be something super childish, like "rainbow bubblegum cotton candy confetti".

Dogs or cats? I know the lesbian community will throw me out, but I 100% choose dogs. Idc what you say, cats are satans creation!

Favorite quote? "When you're having a bad day, don´t forget you're ugly too"

Favorite sport? I´m not really into sports. I was never an athletic kid. But whenever there´s pingpong on tv, I'm in a trance. Like I'll spend HOURS watching that shit without even knowing the rules.

[apex-academy]

Chapter 6: The Decay of Our Lives (#2)

No new floors to investigate this time. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do now. There’s still that student file cabinet, I guess? Or maybe I should check on the people I still haven’t seen. Or Aidan. He did look a little worse for wear, now that I’m thinking about it.

The options swirl in my head, but I can’t quite seem to reach out and grip one to commit to.

“......”

Maybe I’ll just rest for now.

...

After some time spent half-reading, half-dozing, I’m broken from my tired stupor by a knock on the door. 

“You in here?”

“...”

Okay, mostly broken from it. Not enough to register whose voice that is, but enough to get up and go check. After a minute of trying to tug the door open, I realize it’s still locked.

Really that kind of day, huh?

But at least it saves me from hesitating once I’m physically able to open it. I’m met with a clash of loud colors that are pretty easy to identify.

“Ah, Kanagi.”

“Yo. You had lunch yet?”

I shake my head, even if it takes me a minute to parse the question. When did lunchtime get here?

“You?”

“I’m, like, goin’ around first.”

“Already gotta bring Iggy his, so. Might as well see where else my, like, delivery service or whatever’s going today.”

“I’m good to get something myself, I think. You need any help?”

She heaves a loud sigh. 

“Probably??"

“Like, at this point, I’m mostly just peeling fruit and trying not to set spaghetti on fire.”

“...Yeah, I can help.”

“Sweet.”

The walk to the cafeteria is a blur, like most everything else right now. I sure hope no one’s been confiding anything important to me. Or at least nothing they wanted me to remember.

Kanagi kicks the kitchen door open for the both of us and grabs herself a yogurt drink.

“You wanna do the fruit or the s’getti?”

“Are those our only options?”

She shrugs. “ ��s all I got, but if you got better ideas, go for it, dude.”

I wander around the little island.

“Plenty of cookbooks if we need ideas.”

“Not sure I’m up for that much effort. Maybe some hand rolls or something?”

“Whyyyy not.” 

“I can totally get the rice stuff going, but, like, you might wanna do the actual stuff yourself if you don’t want it crunchy.”

“Raw crunchy or burnt crunchy?”

“...Yes.”

“...”

“ ‘Less you like it that way! Seems like most peeps totally don’t, though.”

“Are you ‘most peeps’?”

“No way, dude.”

True on so many levels.

“And they put you in charge of cooking.”

“Like, sometimes? Depends on who feels like trash and who doesn’t. That super keeps swapping around.”

“Always gotta at least take Iggy his, though.”

“Yeah, guess he’s not in any shape to be cooking, huh.”

Between that and Yuki... being gone...

...

“Wait. Am... Am I the only one here who can cook?”

“Prolly.”

“...................” This is the most bizarre twist of fate I’ve suffered through yet.

“Okay, well. Let’s find some stuff to chop up.”

She shoots me a finger gun. “That, I can totally do.”

We rummage through the fridge and freezer for fish and vegetables. Maybe some cream cheese. I don’t know.

I’m still not qualified for this job, but we’ve survived this far. As long as I don’t cook up some very severe food poisoning, everything should be fine.

And just as I think that, Kanagi starts flinging knives around to get chopping. I can only make out one healing cut on her hand at the moment, so that’s... probably also fine. 

Maybe she should’ve asked Tsunyasha for help, if that’s how we’re playing this. 

Kanagi attempts to hum about three notes before quitting. She looks at me over her shoulder as I start pouring rice.

“Yo, you wanna play a couple sets once this's done?”

“Of volleyball? Not really feeling quick enough on my feet today.”

Or in my head. The possibility of me zoning out as a ball approaches my face at Mach 5, combined with the fact I don’t stand any kind of chance against her competitively, does not incline me to agree to this.

“ ‘Kay.”

She may or may not seem a little more upset than I’d expect. Too much of my focus is just on not chopping, burning, or otherwise ripping any fingers off. 

I succeed, and we assemble some weird form of sushi-and-fruit bentos for everyone. Not very artistic, but that isn’t my M.O. with food.

Not gonna think about whose it is. Was. Not now.

I focus on Kanagi stacking up the boxes instead.

“Aaaand delivery hours. Woo-hoo.”

“You seem excited.”

“Yyyyeah, not really.”

Too excited to pick up on sarcasm.

Either way, I help with the deliveries. I’m not allowed to enter Mahavir’s room, apparently—something about Aidan, and me in particular, and an extra degree of distance transmission-wise—but there’s no trouble with the rest. Bentos on proverbial doorsteps, no knives or pieces of chalk thrown. I think Kanagi appreciates the help. Doesn’t seem like she’s in an appreciative kind of mood.

What does it say about the rest of us when even Kanagi seems a little dull?

Nothing. We all just need some rest.

It doesn’t have to be anything worse than that.

[BACK] [NEXT]

[r3d-f3rn]

my study habits

i haven’t been focused or motivated recently, but once my schedule picks up again i’ll probably be doing better.

Pomodoro 50/10 - ok i didn’t know there was a name for this until yesterday, but this is the timing method i find best. 50 minute study, 10 minute break. bonus is on that break, i make sure to get up and move a bit. occasionally, and if my walking buddy is out of class, i’ll take a full hour and force them to go on a walk with me.

Body doubling - i only recently discovered this one, and i don’t exactly hate it. for those who don’t know, some smart person somewhere was like “hey, people especially with neurodivergence (such as i) typically do better focusing if someone is also focusing on a similar thing” or something like that. i tried this both with another person (i love my walking buddy) and following along a youtube video without music (reason why is following). i think, personally, it’s best i do it with other people in-person because even if they don’t listen (they usually do bc i have awesome friends), i’ll recount the information, which often leads to some connection i wouldn’t have made otherwise.

Music - what a shocker. for me, my music depends on the day: i recently got over a break-up so i’ve been playing a lot of shit-talking music (waterfalls coming out your mouth by glass animals <3) but i constantly make new playlists to keep in fresh. also, i just recently bought a pair of noise-cancelling headphones because they were 40% off, but if you can’t afford them you honestly can just play white noise very quietly behind your music (or ambiance idk i know ppl use rain noises). it works better for headphones, but earbuds work too. but yeah that’s how noise-cancelling things cancel said noise, life hack ig.

Environment - on really bad days where i need more than just a coffee and literally spend 2+ hours trying to focus to no avail, i’ll go to a local café (SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS !!), order a redbull spritzer and a cheap plate of food (to make up for the ~$8 well spent). then, i force myself to sit down for at least 2 hours. i think it’s me romanticizing being mysterious, but if it works then i’ll do it. if i need a break, ill give myself 5 minutes to discretely people-watch. once, i saw my middle-school math teacher while i was doing this and i just- i think seeing teachers in public is fascinating, but i think everyone’s a lil interesting so idk.

RITUAL - i think this one is most important, especially if your schedule is too chaotic to set out a decent study schedule. mine starts off with filling a bottle with cold, infused water (trying to reduce my sugar so i’m not always tired) and lighting a candle that i associate with studying. mine used to be this lemon scrub from bath&body, but i ran out so now i’m using some rose water one.

part of my lack-of-studying recently is that my study space fucking sucked ass (tiny desk, don’t ever get wall-mounted desks) but i have a new desk coming in on Tuesday so i just have to cope til then. plus, i just got a 60+ year old lamp from my honorary grandma and i’m just too excited that i get to rearrange my room. :D

[certifiedskywalker]

Trouble Doubled - Bucky Barnes

Even after everything, you’re still the person who Bucky Barnes runs to when things go bad. Only now, he brings Sam who fails to hide his grin when he sees how James melts under your touch.

WARNINGS: Blood, stitches, and TFATWS possible spoilers (I think I was vague enough)

“Ouch! That’s going to hurt in the morning!”

“Ha, it hurts now, actually,” Sam grumbled. 

You pressed your lips together to stifle the grin that threatened to spill over them. Unable to help yourself, you glanced at Bucky in the hopes he too was biting back a grin. Stood by the door, slightly shrouded in shadow, you could make out the half smile that played on his lips. Though, his expression quickly melted into a grimace as Sam groaned. Reality quickly crashed back down on your shoulders and you turned back to the man laid on the table.

“You’re not going to like this.” Before Sam could ask what ‘this’ was, you began to palpate his wound. He flinched away from your reach at first, but then settled in the discomfort.

“Mm, yeah, no, that doesn’t feel good, Doc.”

“Not a doctor,” you said, still pressing lightly into the bruised flesh. “And I have to make sure you didn’t crack a rib. Otherwise, you’ll need a doctor.”

“Gotta work on your bedside manner,” Sam said as he winced. You pulled your hands away with a sigh and he met your eyes. “Bad?”

“In the grand scheme of things, no. Just try not to throw yourself off a building for the next few days. Think you guys can manage that?”

“Maybe. Harder to fly without jumping first.” Sam groaned once more as he sat up and the pain seemed to convince him to heed your warning. “We’ll try, Doc.”

You rolled your eyes at him before turning to look at Bucky. Still tucked in the darker corner of the room, he seemed small. His brows were knitted tightly together by worry and you imagined that, if he met your gaze, you would see concern in his eyes. Pushed forward by your own worry, you strode over to him. At your growing closeness, Bucky lifted his eyes to yours.

“Your turn.”

“I’m fine, Y/N.”

Despite his protest, Bucky did not lock himself in place. Instead, he gave in and let you lead him by the arm, over to the table. Sam eyed him with a wide grin as Bucky landed in the same spot he had sat in only moments ago. He mouthed something to the century-old soldier that you caught, but could not make out.

“What happened to taking it easy? You told me after, you know, that you would ease into things.” You gestured to the rags you had used to clean Sam’s more minor wounds; the fabric pieces were now dyed a reddish pink from blood. “That doesn’t seem like easing into it.”

“You didn’t see the other guy,” Sam quipped. 

“I like to think you didn’t leave any of him left,” you fired back as you pinched Bucky’s chin between your forefinger and thumb. “Look at me.”

Bucky did as you told him to and met your gaze. You took a sharp breath in at the sight of him, at how his pupils blew out slightly as you studied his reaction. All at once, the air around you grew thick. This close, you could smell the sweat and ash on his skin, along with hints of whatever air freshener he had in his apartment. 

Was it coconut? Sandalwood? You couldn’t parse out which as you found yourself lost in the blues of Bucky’s eyes. The sound of Sam clearing his throat shook you from your haze.

“No signs of a concussion.”

“Really?” Sam asked, grin still plastered on his face. You raised a brow at him in question before you turned back to Bucky. 

“Why? Did you hit your head?”

“No,” he said, clearly tired of Sam’s commentary, “but if I did, it wouldn’t be a big deal.”

“Super soldier or not, a head wound is a head wound. Can you?” You gestured to his jacket and, with a sigh, Bucky pulled it off his shoulders.

“How do you two know each other again?” Sam asked, glancing around the room. “And why are we in an abandoned building.”

“Hard to trace us back here. Didn’t want to lead them to Y/N’s place,” Bucky said, tossing his jacket to the side. He winced as he did, and then you saw the blood.

“Barnes!" 

With reaching hands, you peeled back the crimson-soaked material of his shirt. Your movement revealed a long gash along his side that, with each breath, sent dribbles of blood to his hip. Sam made a sound of surprise and mild disgust at the sight. You were inclined to agree with another shout, but you were too caught up in how to stop the bleeding.

“Lay back,” you ordered, pressing Bucky’s shoulder. He yielded and you pushed his shirt up to expose the entire length of the wound. “Why didn't you show this to me earlier?!”

“It’s not that bad.”

"You're bleeding," you huffed, "which is pretty indicative of bad, if you ask me. Sam?"

"This is not my battle,” he raised his hands and shook his head. “I know better than to intrude on a lover’s quarrel.”

Neither you nor Bucky spoke up to correct him. In your mind, you came up with a quick excuse: Bucky was bleeding and you needed to focus on stopping it. Sam’s comment could be corrected later. Though, when Bucky didn’t speak up, you felt your chest tighten. As you worked on dressing the gash, you glanced up at him and found his blue eyes trained on you. He was dwelling on your silence too.

You pulled yourself out of the whirlpool of his gaze and reached over his body towards your medical supplies. As you stretched, your chest pressed lightly against Bucky’s, but you swallowed hard and refocused.

“Sorry, need to sow you up.”

Bucky didn’t respond, but he did avert his gaze. He found some spot in the ceiling to stare at instead of you. His distraction allowed you to work without the prickling temptation to sneak glances at his features; for the most part. It was only when Sam moved to stand over at your side you did you look up from Bucky’s wound.

“What?”

“Nothing, just wondering how many times you’ve done this before.” 

A bitter laugh slipped past your lips at his reply. “Too many times to count. If it’s not an Avenger, it’s a masked savior from Hell’s Kitchen. Someone always needs stitched up.”

“But James here is your favorite patient?”

“Sam.” 

Bucky’s tone set you on edge. It was warning, cold, and unlike the teasing you had grown fond of. Sam, knowing better than to piss him off, backed away from the table. You looked from him to Bucky and back again. When Bucky did not dare to meet your gaze, you felt a lump form in your throat. Tension weighed down your tongue, stopped you from saying a word or asking a question, despite your want to. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll leave you be, old man. I’ll check with Torres, see if he has anything.”

Bucky’s eyes remained fixed on the ceiling above you. He was quiet, like the first time you met, and distant. His gaze seemed far away, as if he were looking through the ceiling of this hideaway. After you heard the door of the room close behind Sam, you went back to work on Bucky’s side in silence. 

Carefully, you sowed the gash and tried to keep your hands steady. Every other jab with the needle made Bucky wince. You flinched at his sharp intake of breath and mumbled an apology before you went on to the next stitch. Five apologies later, the bleeding slowed and you gently pressed a crisp, white bandage to safeguard your handiwork. 

Immediately after you secured the gauze, Bucky moved to sit up. Before he could, you pressed on his shoulders again and pinned him in place. Though, you knew you couldn’t have pinned him if he hadn’t let you. Your upper body strength was nothing compared to his, you both knew that.

“Don’t move,” you said softly, “you’ll ruin my work.”

“It’s gonna be hard not to.” Bucky met your gaze and, in the dim light of the room, his eyes looked dark, almost sad. Something in his face, perhaps the dull, yet familiar laughter lines around his mouth or the bags under his eyes, alleviated the tension that had silenced before.

“You told me you wouldn’t. That you would take it easy and focus on making amends.”

Bucky closed his eyes at the disappoint that laced your tone. “I tried. I wanted to, Hell, I need to, but I can’t. I never could.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Bucky began to sit up from the table top, “I’m a soldier. I need the fight.”

You watched as he moved, as your hands slipped from his shoulders and fell back to your sides. He pulled his shirt down over his freshly bandaged wound. When he was covered, Bucky looked back up to you, saw your frown and frowned too.

“Soldiers get to come home,” you pointed out, arms crossed over your chest.

“If they’re lucky. I’ve never been lucky.”

You bit the inside of your cheek at that. He was right. Bucky told you his story once before, after a therapy session left him feeling a bit more dry than high. He told you that he couldn’t tell you everything, that he wouldn’t. He didn’t have to, but you still hoped for him.

“Luck can change.”

Bucky scoffed as he pushed himself to his feet. Now, at his full height, he towered slightly over you. Despite his looming figure, Bucky did not scare you. Even when he told you his story, what he had done, Bucky did not scare you. 

“Yeah, well, luck, or fate, or whatever, brought me to you and here we are,” he gestured to the dusty dwelling around you. You looked around with a careful eye before you playfully shrugged. 

“I’ve been in worse dives.” Bucky chuckled, a unforced sound that rose up from his chest against his will. “Really, I have.”

“I don’t doubt it. But we put you in danger, asking for your help here. I put you in danger.”

“Oh, are you serious?” You threw your hands up in the air, “there’s always going to be danger in this world. Aliens, war, bad luck.”

“I wanted to keep you safe,” he pressed, taking a step towards you. 

You could smell the perfume of the air freshener again, how it clung to his clothes. It distracted you, threw you into thoughts of what his apartment looked like, if he would ever share that part of him with you or if he would keep it locked away with his full story. You bit your tongue to keep yourself from asking, from wasting your breath on a question he wouldn’t answer. His words would have to be enough for you and, as if on cue, Bucky echoed his sentiment. 

“I wanted to keep you safe.”

“How noble, wanting to keep me safe, Barnes. Just me?” 

Silence was your immediate answer. Silence and Bucky’s full attention. You didn’t miss how his eyes flickered down from yours to your lips then back again.

“Just you.”

In the quiet that followed Bucky’s statement, you became frighteningly aware of your heartbeat again. It wasn’t pounding like before, but it felt loud, like it was pressing against your ribcage, begging to leap out and into Bucky’s arms. As if propelled by it, you found yourself leaning in towards his warmth just as he seemed to shrink away.

Before he was out of reach, you lifted your hands to his face and cupped his jaw. Stubble prickled your fingers and palm, though you were far too enraptured to care.

“Then stay alive,” you said softly, “change your luck and come home.”

In your mind, you did not picture Bucky’s home as his mystery apartment. Instead, you saw only this moment captured by some invisible third party. You saw home as just the two of you and the image made you heart beat a bit faster. 

“I’ll try.”

“Good.” 

For a moment, the two of you just stared at each other, stewed in the new, easier tension between you. But then your resolve broke and you lips broke into a smile. Bucky mirrored your expression, a lopsided grin resting comfortably along his features. His eyes fell to the floor between you before he looked back into your face.

“Can...can I kiss y-”

“Yes, Barnes, please.”

Without wasting another second, Bucky leaned down and pressed his lips to yours. Your hands slipped from his jaw to the back of his head where your fingers tangled in the soft strands of his brown hair. One of his hands found your waist and pulled you close to him, while the other cupped your jaw. In sync, his mouth moved against yours and everything around you melted away.

No more wonderings or mystery. It was only you and Bucky, come danger, trouble, or bad luck; and Sam who lingered outside the door.

[moemoemammon]

im so sorry i dont know how to format this but could i request hcs of mc walking into one of the brothers rooms in the middle of the night and being like “um i had a nightmare.. can i stay with you”🧍if not its okay though!! :]

I Had a Nightmare...

(Feat. GN!MC and the Demon Bros)

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ��� ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Lucifer

Lucifer always keeps his door locked when he's asleep, so you took a gamble in choosing to come to him for your post-nightmare comfort. Luckily, the eldest is a night owl so he's awake.

He looks up when you enter his bedroom, currently sitting on his bed and reading a book. He's about to scold you when he sees the face you're making.

You don't even have to tell him something's wrong, because he can tell. He sets his book aside and gestures to the empty side of his bed.

Once you climb in, Lucifer shifts slightly, just so your arm is pressed against his own. It's like an invitation for you to lean in if you want, and should you choose to, he'll wrap you in his arms and carefully rub your back.

"A nightmare, hm? It's interesting to think that there are things that can scare you, considering where you are right now. But there's nothing for you to be afraid of. After all, I have no intention of letting anything bad happen to you, so long as I live."

Mammon

Mammon startles awake the moment you enter his room, nearly toppling out of his bed in the process. Grrr, he could've seriously gotten hurt! What're you trying to pull, suddenly barging into his room like th-

Oh. Oh.... He takes one look at your face and all that anger of his fizzles out into nothing. He's a little self conscious being shirtless and all, so he awkwardly tugs on a tshirt that's been tossed to the floor, and makes his way over to you

What happened? Did someone do something?? Ah.. a nightmare, huh? Mammon's big brother instincts are taking over, and he's pulling you into a tight hug, squeezing out all your worries.

And when he's finished, he ruffles your hair and gestures to his bed. A human like you still needs to get their rest, so you should try to sleep some more. But if you really can't, he's not against the idea of the two of you bundling up and watching a movie or something.

"You're like a little kid, ya know? But don't worry, the Great Mammon's gonna chase away those bad dreams o' yours, no problem! ...Hah? Whatdya mean 'that's cheesy'?? I'm being serious here!"

Levi

Levi's definitely awake when you enter his room, but he doesn't notice you. His computer monitor has his undivided attention, and his headphone are drowning out the sound of your entry.

So it takes you tapping his shoulder for him to react, and boy does he react. Levi nearly has a heart attack and only calms down when he realizes it's only you. Did you come to play games? You should've texted him and he’d set everything up! But wait... that's not it?

You had a nightmare and of all the places you could go, you came to HIM?? Levi's having a hard time pushing down the grin on his face, but he collects himself for your sake. Now's no time to be feeling giddy when his best friend is in need!

He might not be great at comforting people, but he knows what helps him when he has nightmares. So he wraps you up in a blanket and pulls up a chair for you to use so you can watch him game. This is better than thinking about that other stuff, right?

"I'll turn down the screen brightness, and- UWAH! W-wait! Um... no, it's fine. I don't mind if you lean against me like that. You're tired, so it's probably more comfortable like that. I'll keep still, okay..?"

Satan

Nightmares aren't something Satan experiences often, being born of rage and the only pure demon in the house. He reads enough horror novels that he's practically become immune to anything scary.

But that doesn't mean he never has bad dreams, so when you come into his room to tell him about yours, his expression softens up. You caught him in the middle of reading, but you're more important than any silly book.

Satan gives you that warm look he reserves only for you (and cats), and gestures for you to come closer. He's got the second comfiest bed in the house, the first being Belphie's. Topped with warm quilts and plenty of pillows to support him as he reads, you're wrapped up in warm comfort once you join him.

Especially when he wraps an arm around you, giving you a curious look. He can be a little too curious at times, so he immediately asks what your nightmare was about.

"If you're interested, I have a guidebook for dream interpretations. I could try to find out the root of your worries, or... you could spend the night here instead? I wouldn't mind having you by my side until morning."

Asmo

Asmo is VERY invested in his beauty sleep. Even a slight deviation in his schedule could be disastrous for his complexion! His brothers know better than to disturb him lest they feel like dying, but you? You're the only exception... Lucky, huh? ❤️

When you touch him, he barely stirs. It takes a couple of shakes to get him to wake up, and then he's whining and grumbling until he realizes who's there. How could he be upset when he gets to wake up to your gorgeous face?

But right now.. your expression isn't bright and sunny at all. You look distressed, and he soon learns it because a pesky nightmare has been harassing you all night. He couldn't be happier that you chose HIM of all people for your comfort!

While there are many things he could do to help you forget about your bad dream, he opts for carefully guiding you into his bed, cooing sweet nothings until he's got you in his arms. You're enveloped in the smell of his sweet body lotion while he presses kiss after gentle kiss across your temple and down the bridge of your nose.

"There there, love. To think a nightmare has put you in such a state.. It's unforgivable! I'll get rid of all those worries so you can spend the rest of the night dreaming about my beauty! Or... about you and I. Wouldn't that be the perfect dream?"

Beel

Beel sleeps almost as soundly as Belphie does, and his monstrously loud snoring drowns out most sound, including your quiet knocking on his bedroom door.

But when you come in and tug on his sleeve, Beel's eyes blink open and he lets out a confused grunt, letting his eyes focus on the darkness around him. Where did that mountain of rainbow pizza go?? He wasn't even halfway done, and- Oh. MC.

You had a nightmare?? Beel stands up immediately and wears a look of worry, pulling you into a gentle hug. You look like you need one.

He's not the best when it comes to comforting words, but he can just show you how he feels. That's good too, isn't it? Maybe if he hugs you for long enough, you won't remember your nightmare.

"Do you want to take my bed? I'll sleep on the sofa, so- ah. Together? ...That's fine, too. I'll hold you close, so you don't have to be afraid anymore."

Belphie

The heaviest sleeper in the entire Devildom, it's a literal miracle that you managed to wake him up. Still, he's only half awake, and staring blankly at you while you explain why you're there.

A nightmare, huh? He's had plenty of those. If that's all it is, then just climb into bed with him. Belphie lazily pulls back his blankets and opens his arms for you, gesturing expectantly.

And once you're nice and cozy, he pulls you even closer until the gap between you is closed, and all you can feel is his warmth. He buries his face into your neck, tickling your skin with his breath.

His slow, heavy breathing makes you wonder if he's fallen back to sleep just like that, but he gives your side a reassuring squeeze and lets his eyes open slightly to look into yours.

"Must've been pretty scary if you came all the way here. No matter how many bad dreams you have, I'll be right here when you wake up. It feels better to wake up in my arms, doesn't it?"

[thebibliosphere]

I had a question.

So, just an hour or two ago, I was going through some sort of “manic high”, sorta like how somebody with bipolar disorder would have (I don’t have BPD). It felt like a bullet train at max speed and completely derailing, and it was incredibly draining. It also got me wondering.

Do people with severe enough ADHD deal with ADHD episodes like this? My search attempts are often futile because all of it is just talking about how to differentiate between BPD and ADHD and BPD manic episodes, but nobody ever mentions ADHD episodes; the only time I’ve seen it mentioned ever was when somebody made a clip of crankgameplays to show what an ADHD episode looked like.

Do they even exist? I’ve got no idea, so I was just wondering if you knew.

Hey! Sorry, I saw your other ask a while ago, but I wanted to talk to my ADHD specialist before I answered because I’d never heard of the term “episode” being used to describe ADHD. I’m also going to splice both questions together here and answer them in segments in the hope it helps :)

So like I said, I’d never heard of the term “episode” with ADHD, and neither has my specialist. Part of ADHD is having a natural ebb and flow between inattention and hyperactivity, sometimes skewed toward one or the other, depending on your ADHD type. (What are the different types of ADHD?)

Your type of ADHD may also fluctuate because of other factors, such as stress, changes in medication, hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, overstimulation, or even under-stimulation, to name a few. Another overlooked part of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, which may cause rapid cycling emotions that may look like an “episode” to someone unfamiliar with what that actually qualifies. The way my therapist explained it and using your example of bipolar disorder, “episode” is used in diagnostic criteria to categorize manic or depressive episodes that last X amount of time, are usually severe, potentially requiring hospitalization, and are accompanied by other symptoms not found in ADHD.

Our “bursts” of energy or lack thereof typically don’t last long enough to be considered episodes. This isn’t to say they are not severe or debilitating, especially if you suffer from things like anxiety or depression that ADHD can feed into. Merely that “episode” is not used as part of the language used to discuss ADHD, which is likely why you’re not finding anything.

So, do ADHDers experience intense bursts of energy that are draining afterward? Yeah, we can do, especially if we lean more toward hyperactive than inattentive. (And again, it's normal to fluctuate and also for things to be affected or worsened by secondary factors.)

And I'm going to put the rest under the cut because this is hella long.

I’ve seen some people think that all hyperactivity has to come with fixation, but that’s not how ADHD works. It’s true if something gets us excited or gives us a dopamine boost, we might be more prone to becoming hyperfixated and burn all our energy up on that. But you don’t need something to fixate on to experience hyperactivity. Some of us are just wired to the moon sometimes, and yes, it can be very draining when it ends. Some people find medication helpful in regulating their hyperactivity/preventing it from coming in such big swings and dips.

Speaking personally, when I'm hyper and nothing is grabbing my attention, the world and people around me can feel painfully slow. It's like I'm going a mile a minute doing everything but achieving nothing. The crash that comes after can also be particularly bad, as I also have dysthymia, which can tip over into a major depressive episode depending on other factors in my life at that time. For years I was misdiagnosed as having "probably Bipolar Type II" by a doctor who didn't believe teenage girls could "get" ADHD* and convinced my parents I needed psychoactive drugs. The drugs I was on didn't help, in fact, they made me worse so I was taken off them.

It wasn't until I found an ADHD specialist as an adult a few years ago that I made any real progress. And I'll be honest, I was shocked when she diagnosed me with ADHD, I really didn't think I had it. Right up until we started doing the work and slowly but surely my mental health began to improve and my understanding of myself with it.

Sometimes there are days when I will be wired to the moon and it will derail my entire day because I can't focus on a single thing/I'll focus too much on a single thing. Other times, like when I am closer to my menstrual cycle, I'll crash into inattentiveness and depression because of how my hormones affect my various different conditions, including my ADHD. Medication would likely help with this, but due to medical reasons, that's currently not an option for me so I do the best I can.

That said, if you’re experiencing something more than hyperactivity but it's not mania, you may be experiencing a form of hypomania and you should talk to a doctor about your concerns.

Hypomania typically occurs in Bipolar Type II disorder, which is less severe than the manic episodes in Bipolar I. I’ve experienced both manic and hypomanic episodes in my life due to medication interactions, and they felt very different from ADHD hyperactivity. It's not just derailing mile-a-minute thoughts, it's something usually completely mood-altering and out of control feeling followed by devastating crashes.

If you're on any medications and are worried you are experiencing something like this, you need to talk to your doctor. You might just need a dosage tweak, or you might be better off on a different medication altogether. Also, make a thorough check of any and all medications you are taking to check for any interactions.

I'm on a cocktail of meds for my MCAS, which if I were to combine them with the SSRI one of my doctors wants me to try, would result in serotonin syndrome. The doctor didn't notice this, but the pharmacist sure as shit did!

Some people (ask me how I know) even develop mild hypomania from overusing the sunlamps used to treat SAD (link), which is why brands like Verilux now include warnings in their leaflets about not using the lamps for more than X amount of time a day. Thankfully it goes away once you stop overusing the lamps.

Which actually brings me to something you asked last time about being unable to sleep at night. Insomnia and delayed sleep phase cycles are not uncommon in ADHD. This is likely because our circadian rhythm is thought to be out of whack (link).

You also mentioned having racing thoughts at night too, which is not uncommon either with hyperactivity. I find if I get overstimulated before trying to sleep, I’ll end up lying there awake with what I like to call “radio ADHD” playing in my head. It can range from snippets of songs stuck on repeat, conversations, things I’ve watched on TV, arguments, or if something is happening the next day, fixating on not being late for it. Hence, I end up getting no sleep because you can’t accidentally sleep in if you don’t sleep. *jazz hands of despair.*

Sometimes I find Radio ADHD soothing if it’s fixating on something chill, but it can get annoying fast and even distressing if I’m tired and can’t “change the station.” (I’d say “shut it off,” but as of yet, I’ve never been able to do that. Medication helps some people with this, as can looking into “sleep hygiene” if you haven’t already.) Conversely, if I’m bored or something is too stressful, I will 100% fall asleep because my brain would literally rather just turn off than do something I don’t want to do or is a low dopamine reward task.

Brains are fun.

Anyway, I uh, I am not sure if any of this is useful to you, but I hope it helps. Mostly I'm just repeating back what my specialist said when I asked her about it lol. Good luck, and I hope you figure things out.

----

*NB: It's important to note that ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be comorbid. It's not a one or the other situation. I’m just throwing it out there in case hearing that helps someone else pursue the proper diagnosis!

[angelamajiki]

PARINGS: Shouta Aizawa x Reader

CW: yandere, stalking, rape/noncon, pain kink, pain play, mild scent kink, home invasion, gags, restraints, virginity kink, scumbag aizawa, pet play, humiliation, cum stuffing, fingerings, snowballing, voice kink

SYNOPSIS: You have been calling the same phone sex operator for months, creating stalker and CNC fantasies. What happens when he rings true to his words?

AN: this is very dark, be warned! just had to make a fic out of the little idea I had <3

It’s always you who requests him. He can tell you're a virgin, the way your voice wavers when you feel like responding to him. Sometimes you don’t, letting your breathy moans do the talking for you.

“Good little girl.”

“Getting off to a phone call from your stalker? What a whore.”

“Cum for me, pretty girl.”

”Do you like that, pretty little kitty?”

He never had a knack for giving nicknames, but he had to make it known that he remembers you. Remembers that voice. Hopefully, he’ll be able to remember your body one day.

Tracking you down was easy enough; you didn't bother to block your number and public records was just calling his name. God did he love untouched girls like yourself. So wet and pliant, so easily manipulated, so naive to believe everyone had good intentions.

Cameras were placed around your house so he could watch you when he couldn't hear you. If it was a stalker you wanted, he was going to give it to you.

You called often and asked for him always—such an obedient girl. The live feed from your bedroom streamed in front of him whenever you rang, but he was tired of playing games this week.

“Just look at the way you’re kneading yourself; you like to tease yourself. Don't you, kitty?”

Your breath hitched, but he knew it wasn't from pleasure. Looking around, he chuckled at your confused expression.

“You got a real cute face, you know that kitty? I can't wait to fuck it one day.”

Be rational, you told yourself. Its all part of the fantasy, right? He can’t actually see you.

“That’s a cute bed spread you got there, I didn’t take you for the type who liked lilies. You always keep roses in your kitchen vase.”

Okay, he was definitely listening to you now.

“Say, you live on 14th Street, don't you? Why don't I come down and give you an in person session?”

“What do you say, kitty? Or should I just break in like I always tell you I would?”

The phone hung up after that comment. Sure, you were up to the fantasy of being stalked and raped; that’s why you called him. It was too embarrassing to tell a partner your fantasies, not like you had one. Or roommates for that matter.

His voice is what soothed you after a hard day, but now it kept ringing in your ears. Listening to his breathy chuckles sent shivers down your spine, but you never expected to feel them there.

Three raps came from your bedroom door before it opened. You were buried in your sheets, hopelessly, desperately attempting to be asleep. Like that would stop him.

“I know you're awake.”

An “ah” of realization came from him.

“Unless you sleeping peacefully is part of the fantasy. This is new, but I can indulge you in that kitty.”

The bed dipped and creaked with his weight, fear sinking into your heart further as a hand smoothed itself over your shoulders.

“So tense.” He tutted. “I’ve got something that can help you relax.”

His tongue lapped at the outer shell of your ear; arm slung over your blanketed body.

“Such a naughty girl. Tell me, how many times did you get off to the sound of my voice telling you I was going to take your virginity by force.”

A hand snaked its way up to your throat, squeezing gently enough not to cause pain but enough to cut off part of your air.

“Tell me you want me to rape you, here and now. Or I’ll take you out to the alley and make a display of it.”

His voice barely reached above of a whisper the entire time, the same soft sound he used over the phone. Hot breaths tickled your ear and neck as you squirmed, gasping at straws for air.

“I promise to be gentle; I know you like a tender man who takes what he wants.”

Your throat restricted even more under the hand to the point where you felt light-headed.

“Please!” You gasped, using your nails to scratch at his wrapped fingers. The pressure withdrew.

“Please what, kitty? C’mon, you can do it.”

“P-Please rape me.”

A sharp laugh came from behind you.

“Is that any way to address me? I thought we were using special nicknames here.”

He let you have your moment, apparently amused to see you choke for air as he stroked your back.

“Please rape me...sir.”

“Atta girl.”

The hand made its way back to your throat, only resting there as the thumb stroked over your tender flesh. The other one snuck under the blanket and groped at your chest.

“You're a virgin, aren't you, kitty? Don't worry; your owner is going to talk you through it. Nice and slow so you feel everything I'm giving you.”

Fingers wiggled their way under your bra and began pinching at your nipples, tugging and pulling at the hardening nubs.

“Stop squirming, or I’ll have to tie you up. You'll get your treat soon enough, kitty.”

You yelped after a particularly rough tug, tears springing in your eyes. His one hand managed to rip your bra apart, giving better access to his perverted fingers.

“I know you like it, the way I knead your pretty little breasts. Come, take your clothes off. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Everything came off before he instructed you to stand at the edge of the bed for him. He circled you like a predator, making inspections.

“I have to make sure my kitty is well-groomed and taking care of herself.”

The weight of his hot breath on your skin weighed down on you, pulling you further under his spell. He lifted your arms and smelled your scent.

“Lavender deodorant? What a shame; I wished I could have smelled your natural musk.”

Humiliation flushed your face hot. Disgusting pervert, it seemed he was into everything as long as it wasn't consensual.

“Sit down on the bed, legs spread.”

The baritone of his voice shook you to your core, but not in the pleasurable way you're used to.

“Don't make me ask twice, pet.”

His command was hard to ignore after following them for such a long time; it was practically instinctual to do as you were told. Shaking legs spread as you turned your head to the side. Another tut rolled off his tongue as he gripped your cheeks with one hand.

“Don't turn away from me. I want to see the look in yours when I take you and make you mine.”

You hadn't even realized before that he had brought a bag with him. From it, he took a bar spreader, rope, and a spider gag, all of which he put on you. The gag made your mouth uncomfortably wide, leaving nothing to his imagination.

Rough fingers pull you tongue from your mouth, his own coming down to lick at before spitting down the back of your throat.

“Swallow.”

You did.

“Good kitty.”

The name didn't comfort you anymore. Nothing about him comforted you anymore. Not his voice, not his nickname, and certainly not his breath, which you felt like was burning all over your body.

“I’m going to be nice and leave your throat alone today. However, if I give you a treat, you will swallow it. Do I make myself clear?”

You nodded, terrified at the notion that he intended to come back after tonight. Crouching down in front of you, he inspected your wet pussy before spitting on it as well. Gingerly moving your lips, he circled your tight hole and stood up.

“That should do.”

Watching him undress himself seemed to make time move slower, knowing that he was about to take your virginity within minutes. His hard cock sprung out from his boxers and hit his happy trail, bobbing slightly against his abs. Not only was this man toned, but he was also huge.

“In we go, kitty.”

Not even taking the courtesy to gather some slick from you, he pushed in, taking his sweet time as he locked eyes with you. He went agonizing slow, grinning as you wailed in pain.

“Hurts, doesn't it? Let's see how painful we can make this.”

You were hardly prepped, only having wetness left behind from your previous phone call. It stung, and it stung bad. Your eyes wept as you looked up at him with a pleading gaze, hoping he would take mercy on you. He did no such thing, pinching your clit between his fingers and rolling it with intense pressure. Moaning, he watched as you convulsed and twitched in pain beneath him.

“Being such a good girl for me, kitty.”

Another glob of spit landed in the back of your throat, making you gasp and choke on your sobs. He loved that you were an ugly, messy crier. It only served to make his dick harder.

Once he bottomed out, he stayed there for a while, letting you feel the fullness of his thick cock.

“The name’s Shouta, by the way. I'm sure you must have been curious.”

He spoke so casually, so calmly. It made you furious how collected he was while you were a whimpering, sniffling mess.

“Don't worry; we’ll have all the time in the world once we’re done to get to know me.”

Goddamn, that voice. That hypnotizing, nauseating voice. It's the reason you're stuck here underneath a fucking phone sex operator that turned out to be your stalker. What a mess.

A tap to the temple pulled you back to the present.

“Keep your focus here, kitty.”

Hips drew back and snapped into you, not letting you take a moment to adjust as he set a brutal speed.

Oh, how you wished you could leave your body, but if anything, your senses were all the more enhanced, taking in every last drop of your surroundings. The sounds of the bed creaking under his pounding, his grunts and breaths, the skin slapping against skin, your own cries of misery. The feeling of his breath, how your once silk sheets now felt like sandpaper across your skin, the metal of your binds, and the burn of your rope. Everything and nothing all at once.

The minutes seemed to draw themselves out into hours as he continued his assault. He, or Shouta, you supposed, wasn't lasting very long. It didn't suit him; he seemed like a man of stamina. Maybe it was because he played out a sick fantasy of his that made him cum in minutes.

Unprotected, he came deep inside you before sliding out, giving your pussy a slap as he made his exit.

“Such a tight little kitty you've got there.”

Fingers at the ready, he stuffed his cum back inside you, toying with your clit all the while. He was quick to make you cum, making you see stars at the intensity of your orgasm.

“Don’t worry; I'll make you cum on my cock next time. I have plenty of games planned for us when I take you home.”

Pulling his fingers out, he pushed them down your throat to clean them before getting up and dressed again. He left you there, tied up and gone without a word.

In reality, he was just getting his car ready for you, but who was he to deny himself the pleasure of seeing your panicked face when he came back?

You were going to make a fine pet for him.

[sunatooru]

hi hello can i request a scenario/drabble for tsukishima, kuroo, oikawa, and akaashi with a fem!so who fainted during their heated argument? their argument would be about s/o being clingy and needy, and always talking and being noisy; turns out the reason she fainted was because of the fever she had early in the morning but didn't tell them about it in order not to be a 'bother' or 'nuisance'... then her fever got really worse during the argument and faints. *cue their boyfriends feeling like shit for all the rude things they said*

i am in need of some angst🪆

Sorry it took so long (I’ve had this since March 😭) but I hope it fills your angst need x

~

Warning: angst/comfort, gn!Reader, post Timeskip spoilers …are they dramatic?Yes

~

Tsukishima

It was rare you got to spend time with your boyfriend. Especially as he juggled working and playing volleyball. You wouldn’t miss the chance to be with him for a whole day, even if you woke up feeling like your head was being hammered.

You stayed wrapped around his arm, happily joining him on the sofa. You move to wrap your arms around his torso but he pushes your attempt away. You blink at him in confusion and try again, but fail when he stops you once more.

“Keiii, I want to cuddle..” you pout and he scoffs.

“What’s wrong with you? I finally get a day to relax and instead, I have you clinging to me and being annoying.” He glares at you, making you pull back and your throat tighten.

“I-“ you get cut off

“You what? You’re always trying to push yourself on me. It’s suffocating!” He gets up and walks towards the bedroom, you hot on his heels.

“Kei, can you please be a little quieter? All I want is to spend some time with you…you’re always so busy…” you defend but he kisses his teeth.

“Exactly. I’m always busy, so can you just let me chill out? I don’t need you whining in my ear and having you on me all the time! God, it’s like you need to annoy me!” He shouts at you.

You swallow harshly. Your chest feeling tight as his words ring in your ear. Your head pounding as you feel yourself heat up.

“Kei…I-I don’t…” you try to reach for him but he moves.

“Did you not just hear what I s- hey..hey!” You feel yourself lean forward as your eyes close.

You wake up when you feel something cool on your forehead, opening your eyes slowly to see Kei next to you.

“Kei…”

“Are you okay? You just fainted out of nowhere…why…and I said all those thing-“ you grab his hand.

“I wasn’t feeling well in the morning…I tried to push it away to spend time with you…” he looks at you guiltily, sighing and cupping your hands.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said. You’re not suffocating…everyday I come home, I can’t wait to see you. I don’t know why I said that…I’ve just been so overwhelmed and I took it out on you. I’m sorry baby. ” He confesses.

“I love you so much…I don’t even deserve you.” He whispers, biting his tongue as he looks at you.

“Hmm, I love you too…it’s okay. Can you just hold me, please.” You give him a small smile and he wraps you around him.

Kuroo

It’s that time of year where deadlines need to be met. You watch him scribble on papers and pull at his hair. You could see how tense he was and decided to bring him something hot to sip on.

“Tetsu, you need a break.” You slowly make your way into the room, carrying a hot mug and small snack.

“Can’t. Got to finish finalising the contract.” He informs, crossing out lines and writing again.

You huff and approach him, struggling to find a place to set the tray due to his messy desk.

“Come on. You need to atleast drink something, you’ve been at it for hours now. “ you press, causing him to clench his jaw.

He slams his pen against the desk, startling you before he faces you.

“I just said I need to finish this contract. Of course I’ve been working on it for hours. It’s important. You’ve been coming in and out of the room and disturbing me! I’m busy trying to do my job and you can’t even leave me alone for a few hours? Stop being so clingy all the time!” He fumes, eyes glaring at you as he starts to stand up.

You feel you mouth go dry as his words echo, your vision starting to fade as he finally stands, a rush taking over that you drop the tray. A loud smash of the mug rings in your ear.

“Are you serious- babe! What’s- babe!” Is the last thing you hear before your vision goes black.

You stir when you feel movement besides you. Slowly opening your eyes to see his leg bouncing nervously. He notices you looking and instantly grabs your hand.

“Have you not been eating? Were you waiting for me? Fuck! You fainted, I- what happened?” He rambles, eyes filled with regret.

“I felt a fever in the morning but I didn’t want to tell you because I knew how important your contract was.” You mumble, avoiding his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, babe. I was so stressed and occupied with the deal that I forgot about you and said so many regrettable things. Please, I didn’t mean anything I said. You’re not clingy. I love that you’re always watching over me. I promise, I’ll take more care. Of you and me.” He apologises, bring your hand up to kiss it.

“Here drink this.” He hands you a mug, your eyes widening as your remember the one you dropped.

“I cleaned it, don’t worry. I’m sorry. Let’s just get you feeling better, okay. The contract can wait. You’re more important.” You give him a small smile and nod.

He stays besides you until you persuade him you’re better. He kisses and hugs you until you’re both laughing like before.

Oikawa

You always told each other where you were going before leaving. It was something you did for safety. Yet, recently he’d been leaving before you wake up and coming home late. You reasoned it was probably for the upcoming game. The game that would makes his dream come true. But it did hurt that that one routine had started to break.

You had woken up to your head pounding. Your body feeling hotter than usual and the bed empty for another morning. You attempt to shake it off and go on with the day.

You’re surprised when the door open around midday and see Tooru drop his bag.

“Tooru! You’re home!” You run up to hug him but he stops you.

“Sorry, I’m just really sweaty right now.” He kisses your forehead and runs towards the bathroom.

You smile to yourself, quickly fixing lunch, in hopes you would both enjoy together. But instead, you hear him run down and reach for the door again.

“Tooru, where are you going?” You stop him, confusion on your face.

“Ah I just need to go out again. You know the game and practice.” He states grabbing his bag.

“But you just got home. Look, I made you lunch too. You can practice tomorrow. I barely see you recently! You don’t even tell when you’re leaving…” you shout.

“No! I need to go. I need to practice more. I can’t be with you all the time, every day. You’re so needy. Can’t you see how important this is for me? What? I can’t even leave my own house without telling you?” He yells in frustration.

“That’s not the problem. You- you’re not even caring about your health. I just want to make sure you’re okay!” You feel yourself burn up again.

You get closer to him, hands shivering as you feel weak.

“Listen I’m going to training! Don’t wait-“ he’s walking out the door but you reach for him, collapsing against his back.

You hear mumbling and groan as you open your eyes.

“Tooru…” you call out and he’s there in a heartbeat.

“Do you know how high your temperature was? You were burning up! And then you fainted and I-I didn’t know what happening and god if anything happened to you I would never forgive myself.” He cries, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“I’m okay..” you whisper but he shakes his head.

“No you’re not. Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?” He says, hurt.

“I don’t want to me a nuisance…and you haven’t really been here so I tried to shake off in the morning.” You reply.

“Since morning… please forgive me, baby. Please. I know I’ve been neglecting you and if I was here then you wouldn’t be feeling like this. I’m sorry for what I said. I know i can’t take it back but I wish I could, because it’s not true. You’re not needy. I’m just an idiot who keeps forgetting to appreciate you. Baby, I’m sorry for hurting you.” He sniffles, sitting next to you and pulling you into him.

“Tooru, you’ll get sick too.” You stress but he holds you tighter.

“Just a few more minutes. I’ve missed you too. I promise I won’t leave you and take care of you. Forever.” He kisses you deeply.

Akaashi

The best way you decided to get rid of the fever you woke up with, was to distract yourself doing anything else. You organised yourself desk, bed and even laundry. You could feel yourself getting warmer again and decide to find your boyfriend.

He’s in his study carefully editing a new clients work. He’s usually calm and collected but he’s been on edge due to the pressure from his boss. You watch him take off his glasses and rub his tired eyes. You sigh and walk in.

“Hi darling!” You say cheerfully, only to get a less enthusiastic response.

“You’ve been stuck to the desk the whole day. Come on, talk to me a bit. Think of it as a little break.” You wrap your arms around him from behind.

“I’m almost done. We can talk after.” He whispers.

“Keijiii, I’m so bored please. Plus you need to take some rest. Let’s just talk about something, like I don’t know, where we should travel to? Or maybe anything interesting that happened at work? Come on, I want to spend time with -“ you’re cut off by his stern voice.

“Gosh, why are you so talkative? I’m trying to focus on something and you keep talking and being noisy after I said we can talk later. It’s like you’re trying to annoy me on purpose!” He scrunches his fists and huffs.

“I-I’m just trying to look out for you. You know you need a break too. Don’t yell at me! Sorry I’m so talkative and trying to engage with my boyfriend, who clearly thinks I’m annoying.” You choke out, feeling a little woozy as you start to leave.

“Love, wait! I didn’t mean it…”

“Whatever…I should’ve just stayed in bed-“ you feel your eyes getting heavy, and your knees feeling weak.

“Y/n!”

You wake up a few minutes later to him wiping your face softly. You try to get up but he stops you.

“Easy, let me help.” You can hear the guilt in his voice as he sets your pillow.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you. I let my frustrations take over and put it on you. I want you to know that, I didn’t mean what I said. I should’ve paid more attention and seen you weren’t feeling well.” He fidgets with his hands, scared to look at you.

“Your words hurt, Keiji. Even if you were frustrated, just please take some breaks. You’re going to burnout if you don’t.” You cup his hands and he finally looks up.

“I know. I know, I’ll do better and listen to you. How do you feel?” He presses his hands to both your foreheads.

“Better now that you’re here.”

[yesimwriting]

The Needs of Pain (part 2)

A/n since y’all liked part one!!

... i think i could make a part 3?? we’ll see lol 

This is the LONGEST thing i’ve written on here wow,, and the smuttiest 

Warnings: teasing, oral, unprotected sex (pls this is my first time writing full smut be gentle lol)

-- 

Exhaustion is an odd result of pain. I didn’t think I was that tired after the burn. I certainly didn’t feel sleepy while Kirigan cleaned my shoulder and brushed his soft lips and sharp teeth along my neck to distract me from the pain. Why am I even thinking of that? Of the way his breath felt against my skin, the way his tongue soothed any bites he left against my skin. I breathe out flatly. 

Stop thinking of him. Stop thinking of him in that context--that’s why he did it. He enjoys getting under people’s skin, that’s why he’s always insulting the way I see the world. My hand reaches to my neck, touching my skin where I can still feel his lips on my skin, tracing the faint marks I had seen in the bathroom mirror.

I should have asked the healer to get rid of them before they fully formed, but the thought of showing them to anyone was too embarrassing to bear. I force my hand away, dropping it onto my pillow. 

He had acted so strange today, he had been so blunt. It was a tactic. He wants to be in my head and I’m giving him what he wants. I sigh, rolling over and pulling my duvet further up my body. It’s too hot for this. Ugh. I kick the duvet off of my legs, letting my nightgown wrinkle up my body. Strong hands could pull the fabric up in a similar, yet much more euphoric way. 

No. Who’s thoughts are these? The fact that I picture the same hands that dabbed at my burn earlier today has me questioning my sanity. I can’t sleep like this. Kirigan wanted to be in my head and now he is. Damn him. I can’t stand him which means I can never have him.

Desire has nothing to do with tolerance. The thought leaves my face warm and stomach twisted. 

I sit up sharply, sliding out of bed tiredly. I’ll get some air and everything will be fine. The moon will clear my mind.

The Little Palace is strangely twisting at night, all long shadows and yellow lantern light. I slip out of my room quickly, but my thoughts are not immediately banished with the change of scenery. I must be ill. Infection must have set in regardless of my efforts and the healer sealed it beneath my skin and now it’s impacting me. Fever. I’m delusional with fever. 

“I didn’t take you the kind for a late night trist.” 

His voice leaves the hairs on the back of my neck standing like soldiers at attention. I manifested him the same way people manifest the devil. “Air.” My defense is childish. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d get some air.” 

The sound of even footsteps leaves me frozen in place. “What keeps someone like you awake?” It’s like he can read through me. “Thoughts of me?” 

He can never know. “Obviously.” 

My sarcasm doesn’t go unnoticed, he lets out an almost humored breath. “Or perhaps it’s pain.” 

The comment is so confusing I almost don’t realize he’s bringing up my shoulder injury. How had I let him see me so vulnerable? Why did he seem somewhat concerned in his own way? 

“My shoulder’s perfectly fine.” Good. A normal direction for this conversation to head. “It took the Healer all of two minutes.” 

The touch on my shoulder is so sudden I almost jump. Kirigan doesn’t shy away at that, fingers firmly brushing down the skin. “It feels the same.” 

I could scream. His strange observation means nothing to me, but the implication is enough to drive me mad. The implication that he knows my skin well enough to be able to judge whether the healed skin feels different is sickening. I’m tired of this. 

I turn on my heels, all of my tiredness and irritation twisting in me. “Even if it didn’t, it’s none of your concern.” 

“I didn’t realize you were extra irritable when you’re tired.”

Every conversation with him leaves me feeling petulant. “I’m not tired.” I cross my arms, keep my expression set. “I just--I wanted to get some air.” 

“Hm.” He takes a step forward, preparing to close the small distance I’d managed to create between us. “And why is that?” 

The question leaves me irritated in an odd way. A flat way. There’s a narcissistic entitlement in that question. An entitlement to my thoughts. I shrug. “I hoped it’d make me tired.” 

Kirigan draws his eyebrows together, curiosity and something resembling amusement playing at his expression. “If you’d like to be tired, I think I know a few ways to be of assistance.”

A faint, aggravating warmth comes to my face. Not only did my lie earn me a ridiculous innuendo, it’s also trapped me in a corner I cannot escape. Healing from the burn had left me pathetically drowsy. There’s no way he can’t see through me, a tired haze has to be visible on my face. My eyelids feel weighted and I’m too distracted by my deep longing for sleep to hold onto irritation. 

“I’m sure I’ll manage on my own.” The words are not meant to be a challenge, just a way to dismiss him. I don’t think he takes them that way. 

He draws his eyebrows together, eyes threatening to lose that curious quality. Kirigan steps forward, I step back blankly, desperate to keep enough distance to keep what’s left of my wits about me. He ignores my reaction, taking another step forward. I take another step back. My back touches the wall. I am a mouse and he’s an excited cat. 

“You don’t have to,” his voice is too low, too intimate, “I’m not sure that’s something you want to understand.” 

My chin raises just slightly, a silent protest. “Dependency is a fatal flaw.” 

“So is desire,” his reply is much too quick. “Desire is worse, because one can resist dependency based on pride...but desire, that is something that one sacrifices for.” 

Maybe if I was less tired I’d bother to interpret his words a little more. But all I can focus on is his tone--the quality of it. “You sound heavy.” My voice is as light as the night breeze I was craving moments ago. “But you always sound heavy.” It’s the wistful observation of someone slowly disappearing. “At least you’re pretty,” I muse, falling more and more distant by the second.

Something soft breaks across his features, his lips quirking. “Pretty?” 

I rest my back against the wall comfortably, eyes shutting without permission. “I’m sure I’ll regret that comment in a moment.” 

He stays silent, but his presence does not disappear. I can’t tell if I’m glad for it. The warm touch on my shoulder startles me out of my drowsy trance. Panic has me ready to jump off the wall, but Kirigan brushes his thumb up and down my shoulder. His touch sets any skin that comes in contact with him aflame. I shouldn’t find the gesture so comforting. My eyes flutter shut again, my body relaxing against the wall. When my protest dies out before it begins, Kirigan shifts closer. I’m confused, but too at peace to answer. Something velvety and warm brushes against my collar. Soft and warm and electric. He’s kissing my skin again. 

My lips part in hopes of arguing, but when his teeth graze the skin he already marked earlier I’m gone. My eyes shut again, but this time it’s different. Pleasure and drowsiness clear me of all inhibitions as his touch becomes more and more assured. I let him test me, his mouth moving against any and all exposed skin. I don’t even stop him when I feel his hands graze the hem of my nightgown, wrinkling it the way I imagined earlier. 

“Kirigan.” I need to find my strength, but what’s the point of strength when his touch leaves me so warm? The only acknowledgement of my protest he offers me is the lingering squeeze of my thigh before his long fingers begin to graze towards the inside of my thighs. I have no choice but to let his lips brush up my neck, his teeth grazing my skin the way they did earlier today. “Kirigan.” I try to sound firmer, but he destroys the rest of my sentence before I have the chance to get it out. His teeth nip the base of my neck, ruining my protest for a second time.

 Maybe if I was less tired I’d be able to fight him off a little better, but I’m so drowsy I had trouble thinking before he started touching me. My eyes shut in both bliss and exhaustion. His thumb presses into my hip. Something in me stalls as his fingers brush the hem of my underwear--testing me, challenging me. I open my eyes on instinct, but he remains unbothered, slipping his thumb beneath the only fabric that divides us in order to better grip my hip.

I stiffen because of how badly I want to melt. This is bad. This is insane. We’re in a hallway in the middle of the night and he’s General Kirigan. Whatever attraction I feel is another tactic to manipulate me. 

“We need to stop.” The command is weak, my voice as dry as my resolve. 

He angles his head in order to regard me a little better. His expression is one of mock confusion as he smirks. Actually smirks. “Stop what?” False innocence drips from his voice as he leans towards me, expression amused as his lips near my own. “I haven’t even started yet.” My eyes widen, something that amuses him. “Y/n?”

I’m left on edge. I’m left wanting. My lips part flatly, but words feel so distant. “Yes?” 

“What happened earlier?” His voice is the kind of sinful that’s meant to coax. Kirigan brushes his thumb across my shoulder, eyes watching mine cautiously. “How did you get burned?” 

I push against the sultry quality of his voice. “I told you--an accident.” 

“Hm.” His eyebrows draw together in a surprisingly soft way. I stare at him freely, but he ignores my gaze, eyes locked on my newly healed skin. Is he truly that concerned? “Whose accident?” 

I swallow once. “My own.” He still isn’t looking at me. “I’m not exactly the most coordinated person, you’ve witnessed my clumsiness yourself.” 

Kirigan is not convinced. Perhaps he will never fully buy my partial lie. His grip on me hardens. Restraint. I may not be able to win against his paranoia, but I might be able to distract him. Cautiously, I move one hand forward, touching the hand that’s on my shoulder. I hesitate. Touching him without prompting almost feels too intimate. I’m being ridiculous. I brush my fingers against the back of his palm, letting my touch trail up his forearm. 

“Y/n.” My name borders on a warning. 

I suppress a smile, playing into my sleepiness as I tilt my head to the side. “Yes?” 

He doesn’t reply, expression tightening as my hand snares around his wrist, pulling it off my shoulder with more care than I thought myself capable of. The intensity of his gaze is enough to burn me. I turn my full attention to his hand. I’d never admit this out loud, but this isn’t the first time I’ve thought about how objectively attractive his hands are. I kiss each of his knuckles slowly, brushing my lips against his skin tentatively. 

To my surprise, he allows my indulgence. I glance at him through my lashes. Kirigan’s eyes are shut, expression bordering on pained. “Kirigan?” 

He opens his eyes but his expression does not ease. His other hand leaves my thigh, grabbing the low collar of my nightgown with such a fierce speed it takes me a second to realize what’s happening. He pulls me away from the wall in a way that borders on violent. 

“I don’t know who you’re protecting, but I guarantee you they’re not worth it.” The words are acidic. He’s seething. “I grow tired of your resistance.” 

If he hadn’t transformed into something so untamed, I might have had enough gall to tell him I grow tired of being toyed with. I say nothing, instead I take in the abrasiveness of his anger, the tension of his grip on the thin fabric that clothes me. I am unflinching in my assessment in the most tired way possible, eyes struggling not to shut and body desperate to rest, but even more desperate for him. His eyes stare into mine, searching for something I am too far gone to offer. He must realize my sleepiness is genuine because he soon drops his gaze, taking his time in analyzing the even rise and fall of my chest as well as the hint of cleavage his grip on my nightgown is exposing. Pure heat finds itself in my face, chest, and worst of all---core. His staring lacks any shame. 

Kirigan parts his lips as if to speak but then instead takes a moment to lick them. The thought of his tongue in relation to lips only makes the burning in me worse. It’s practically an ache. A needy one. 

“I grow weary of your lack of understanding.” 

Understanding? “What is there to understand?” 

His head angles itself to one side but he doesn’t meet my gaze. The hold he has on me loosens just enough so that his hold on me is no longer taut. That should not disappoint me the way it does. I wait patiently, ignoring the bundle of unexplained nerves in my stomach as best as I can. Something strange colors his features when he finally looks at me again, something almost vulnerable. 

“I brought you here.” He sounds farther from me than ever. “I…” His exhale is gentle, but his expression is quick to harden. “Who are you so willing to protect?”

I must be really tired because his voice sounds like it borders on heart ache. If I didn’t fear Arthur’s safety I’d tell Kirigan everything if it meant his pain would dissipate. I never thought Kirigan’s potential pain would bother me, but now that I’ve seen him look stricken by something so weighted--now that I’ve seen the way he wears pain--I don’t want to be the one to give him that. I want to be the one to give him some kind of sanctuary. The thought leaves me with a desire to flea. 

“Will you just believe me when I say it’s no one?” In a way that’s the truth. Arthur is not particularly significant unless you’re a young Grisha female with a desire for heart ache. “No one worth mentioning at least.” 

He’s quick to retighten his hold on my nightgown, leaving the fabric taut and more of me exposed. “You being desperate to protect them makes them worth interest.” A different response than I expected. 

My lips thin. “Only because it was a small accident. They don’t deserve to be punished over the briefest loss of focus.” 

I take his silence as an indicator that he is considering my words. His free hand finds my shoulder as he pulls me even closer to him by the fabric he’s gripping. “And if I were to revoke the threat of punishment?” His voice is the definition of temptation, low and promising and coddling me with its sinfulness. I still as Kirigan leans forward so that his lips are practically on my ear. “Then would you tell me? If I released you from the binds of your nobility?” My lips part but I have no words prepared. Before I can think of what to say, his lips graze the side of my jaw before his teeth nip at the end of my ear. “Tell me just to humor me.” 

The command doesn’t make sense to me, but from his lips it feels important. “You won’t hurt them for what happened?” 

His voice seems rougher than before, “Would that make a difference?” 

“It would make all the difference.” I don’t like the honesty of my words. 

Kirigan allows one hand to trail down my waist--a gesture I consider obscenely intimate when paired with the soft brush of his lips on my collar. “I already know who.” His voice is a dark hum. “I was always going to know one way or another--but it’s good to know you would have told me.”

My stomach lurches, dread pouring into me like tar. Before fear can force me to take action, Kirigan begins to leave open mouth kisses from the top of my jaw to the bottom of my neck, taking his time to assault any spot of skin with his tongue that he wants. This reminds me too much of earlier--touches meant to distract from pain with the use of pleasure. 

“Are you--” His mouth is now on my collar, threatening to destroy my question. “Are you going to hurt him?”

At that Kirigan straightens. The sudden lack of contact leaves me cold. I shouldn't be thinking of him. Of his touch. “I’m curious,” he draws out each syllable, delighting in my nerves, “Would you bear his punishment?” 

I’m not sure. I hate that. I haven’t known Arthur for that long, and while he’s kind, he also seems to see all women as replaceable. That isn’t reason for him to endure Kirigan’s punishment but I don’t know him well enough to just blindly agree to that. I loathe myself for not being noble enough to take Arthur’s punishment instantly. 

“What kind of punishment?” 

Kirigan’s expression twists into a greedy smile. He pushes me back easily, pressing me into the wall with more confidence than ever. I’m silent in my confusion until he presses himself against me and I feel something hard and bulging press into where I’m neediest. I stifle a gasp of surprise and something similar to pleasure. “I’m sure I could think of something for you.” I’d care more about my confusion if hot need wasn’t flooding my thoughts and my body with undeniable desperation. “I haven’t even spoken to him.” I exhale, untrusting relief desperate to escape me. Kirigan is quick to lean forward, lips brushing my ear as he prepares to whisper. “I’m more likely to harm him because he has your favor than anything else.”

Warmth burns my face. “He doesn’t--he’s not exactly the one that holds my favor.”

The heat of his breath adds to my burning as he presses his bulge into my core again. “And who does?” 

I’m not sure what he considers favor, but if it has anything to do with wanting he wins. But he can never know that. “There are some contenders, but no one yet.” 

His hand moves off my hip and nears my throat. “Would it be too bold to assume I’m on the short list?”

He’s two steps away from taking me in an open hallway, I doubt he finds much bold. “Do you want to be?” 

Kirigan’s hand tightens on my throat. “I’ve made it clear from the beginning what I want.” His words are lethal and each syllable has him restricting my airflow a little more. Something in me must be broken because my neediness only worsens. “I brought you here because I see all that you could be. Forget being a Saint, we could be gods.” The sentiment is so raw it’s almost harder to bear than his tight grip on my neck. He leans close again, his scent only adding to my budding lightheadedness. “Say the word, and I could have you praising me like I’m already a god.” My stomach knots in both nerves and insatiable hunger. “Though I’m the one that would be doing the worshipping.” 

My resolve is shattered, leaving me broken and twisting. He releases his hold on my neck in order to move his hand beneath my chin. There is nothing gentle about the way he jerks my head forward, forcing me to look into his eyes. Something about the look he gives me has me melting. His eyes are searching for something in me.

He must find whatever he’s looking for because I feel his touch against my heat, fingers pressing against fabric. I bite my lip on instinct, suppressing the sound of my undoing. Kirigan’s eyes never leave mine as the hand on my chin moves to brush against my bottom lip. 

“I can only give you what you want if you tell me what that is.” 

He exhales slowly, pressing his thumb against my lip downwards. My mouth parts on instinct, something that he takes well. His thumb enters my mouth slowly, taking in my reaction as I taste his skin on my tongue. Kirigan pulls his thumb away from my tongue slowly, a thin string of saliva connecting him to my mouth. With one swift tug, his free hand pulls the only fabric separating him from where I want him most down my thighs. His expression reveals nothing as his thumb, still wet with my saliva, is pressed against my core. His touch teases my clit, just barely brushing where I need him most. The whine that escapes me is so desperate I’m ashamed I can’t help it. 

“So wet already,” his appraisal is gentle, the praise whispered against my throat as his lips brush against my neck. “So wet, so needy that you’d let me take you in this hallway and I’ve hardly touched you.” His finger presses further into me. I let out another pathetic breath. “A pity, someone like you--so painfully under cared for.” I’m reduced to nothing by his words and touch. “What I’d give to undue you here, against the wall--I’d have you crying so loudly everyone would know that I’ve claimed you, that I’ve made you mine.” Before I can reflect on his words, he steps back, pulling my underwear back up as quickly as he yanked it down. 

I let out an instinctual whine. My hand moves to his arm, grabbing him like he’s the only thing keeping me tethered to the earth. “What--” 

Kirigan squeezes my hand, a predator’s smile on his lips. “I want to feel all of you,” his hand squeezes my hip, “I can’t exactly do that against a wall, dove of mine,” he leans forward, lips brushing against my jaw in a way that leaves me chilled and melting at the same time, “At least not the first time.” 

His whisper forces my breathing to hitch, a fact that he notices with an amused look as his thumb brushes against my collar. Kirigan pulls me away from the wall easily. Even the causal touch feels electric against my skin. 

The walk towards my room is tense, his hands never leaving me as if he’s aware of how necessary it is to keep me distracted to ward off my better sense. When we reach my door, Kirigan opens it like it’s his. Entitled. Typical. 

I step into the room, his touch lingering on my arm. A brief shyness pushes itself into my chest. I had let Kirigan touch me in a public space and lead me back to my room. The door closes. I don’t turn. 

Kirigan’s hand squeezes my shoulder. “Shy, now?” His question is teasing, rekindling the fire beneath my skin as he places an open mouth kiss on my neck. He plays with the thin strap of my nightgown, pushing it off my shoulder. He kisses down my neck, collarbone, and shoulder. My inhibitions are melted away again. “When your breathing stalls like that,” his whisper is enough to elicit a desperate shudder, “I am left desperate.” 

He leans forward, mouth trailing down my chest, coming dangerously close to my breasts. The electric current of his touch is all consuming and addicting. I press my back into his chest. His hands are the opposite of shy, touching me everywhere except where I’m most desperate. Kirigan’s hand places itself between my thighs, using his thumb to tease my entrance. I let out a needy sound. And then he retracts his hand, grabbing my shoulders and turning me in one swift motion. 

“Kirigan.” 

His eyes are dark, clouded by something I don’t understand but am too aware that I reciprocate. “Tell me that I have your favor.” His words are taut, bordering on snapping. Kirigan’s grip on me tightens hard enough to bruise, an assertive need taking over him. “That you want me.”

Desire, pride, and rationality twist in my stomach, leaving me too distracted to form words. My gaze drops to the ground on instinct, something Kirigan clearly finds unacceptable because he’s quick to grab my chin and force my eyes to meet his. 

I swallow once, courage withering beneath the look in his eyes. It’s as twisted as a spindling shadow, but the look is fierce admirational, appreciation so deep I could drown in it. It scares and consols me all at once. “I want you.” There’s something pained about such powerful emotion. I loathe and am empowered by it all at once. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” The words leave my throat scorching with their sincerity. 

As soon as the words leave me, he’s closing the distance between us, the slightest exhale of tension leaving his lips before they meet mine, prepared to devour me. I reciprocate his actions on instinct alone. There is no hesitation, no space, and yet it is not enough. Not enough and yet I don’t know how to be closer. But Kirigan does. One of his hands cup my cheek, coaxing me towards him as if I could possibly have the will to leave him. He steps forward, guiding me to step back. I obey fluidly until I feel something hit the back of my legs. It’d startle me if I wasn’t so consumed by his touch.

His mouth begins to move away from my skin. I chase after him, desperate to keep him touching me. He stops me by placing a hand on my shoulder, a warning about my neediness. I pout, but as he studies me I pant. Maybe the excuse for air was a good idea. I don’t fight the uneasiness of my breathing as I hold Kirigan’s gaze. He regards me with a patience I consider unbearable, taking in the determined look in his eyes, my swollen lips, disheveled hair, and the top of my night gown that’s half falling off. 

It’s in this moment I realize how much more vulnerable than him I am. 

If Kirigan notices any shift in me, he doesn’t mention it. Instead, he adjusts his hand on my cheek, his thumb brushing the hot skin gently. “You are everything.” His voice is cracking glass. “Everything that’s good, at least.” 

Maybe he did notice my initial reaction because I am no longer certain that I am the one that’s most vulnerable. “You’re better than you think.” I only say this because it would only weigh on me more to stay silent. “I see it and you don’t want me to.” 

His hand continues to stroke my cheek. “I want you to see all of me.” The heavy beating of my heart seems to stall in my chest. Kirigan drops his hand before grasping the hem of my nightgown. He pulls the fabric upwards easily, bundling the fabric above my hip. “I want you to…” He exhales flatly, pulling the fabric upwards even more. Nerves flood my stomach as he leans towards me, kissing down my jaw. “To know me,” he whispers against my throat.

I am nothing but uneven breaths as he mouth moves down my chest, stalling only once he’s reached my breasts. He pushes me forward easily, guiding me so that I’m laying on my bed. He’s quick to move over me, kissing up my neck as he adjusts so that I’m against the headboard.

When he pulls away again, I’m left pouting. He grins, fueled by my disappointment. “Don’t worry,” he breathes, fingers hooking around the waistband of my underwear before tugging it down my legs easily, “I’m nowhere near done with you yet.” 

Being so exposed has my doubts flooding back, but Kirigan is quick to fight against my instincts in a way only he seems capable of. He squeezes the inside of my upper thigh before leaning down, pressing his mouth onto the skin his fingers just touched. His kisses here are meant to leave me even more desperate, each nip and fleeting pass of his tongue is lazy yet intentional. I am incapable of doing else besides letting out pathetic whines. 

He ignores where I need him most, kissing up my thigh, across my lower stomach, and then down my other thigh. Kirigan continues the pattern across my skin, ignoring any pleas I swallow my pride to give. He is not rushed by my words or cries or the occasional desperate adjustment of my hips. 

Kirigan lifts his head slightly, releasing my inner thigh with an obscene ‘pop’. “Patience.” His fingers trail up my thigh and over my core, teasing my entrance with his lithe fingers. “Unless you’re ready to beg?” 

It’s a challenge, like everything else. The urge to give him my pride to satisfy the electric desire I’m not sure I’m capable of bearing. But then I note his tense hold on my thigh. A sign of restraint, of want. 

“And if I want you to beg for me?” I don’t know where the words come from, but they charge the room with potential. 

Something strange crosses his fingers before his lips tilt upwards in a dark way. “Would you like the strength of that? To have someone like me powerless before you?” My face warms. Kirigan leaves a lingering kiss on my thigh before he moves off the bed. I sigh at the loss of contact, but my tired neediness stalls at the sound of his belt coming undone. “I want to see you on your knees.” I sit up carelessly, desperate to obey him. I’m kneeling in front of him in an instant, taking in his length. The size of it has me gaping. “Open your mouth.” 

I take the order more eagerly than I should, but I make no move to take him. This is just another challenge. I keep my eyes on his as I stick my tongue out before licking the bottom of his member all the way up to his tip. The sound he lets out is pure sin. I lick his tip slowly, each motion of my tongue is strategic as I finally place him in my mouth. I hollow my cheeks, moving up and down slowly. 

The pace is not enough for him, he grips my hair from my scalp as he thrusts into my mouth. The motion is more powerful than I expected and I am left unable to breathe. My slight gag does the opposite of discourage him, he repeats the motion again and again, pushing himself into me until I can feel him in my throat. 

The sounds he lets out are a chorus to me, but it’s not enough. I need more control, I need a way to make him beg. I raise a hand, wrapping it around the base that I cannot fit into my mouth. I stroke him once slowly, making a point as I try to push myself back in order to make him want me more. 

He groans again. I make a point of pushing myself off of him. Precum protrudes his tip. I lick it off of him slowly. I lick up and down his member in the smallest way possible. 

“Y/n,” the restraint in his voice fuels my teasing, “Tease me and you’ll still be overwhelmed by want when the sun rises.” 

A pout tugs at my lips before I open my mouth again, taking Kirigan to my limit. He lets me set the pace of my bobs at first, but then he becomes desperate, holding me in place by the roots of my hair as he moans and thrusts into me without restraint. He ignores my choking as he continues until he throws his head back, letting out a quick praise of my name.

He finishes in my mouth and I swallow all he offers me greedly. I back off my knees slowly, throat burning as his member leaves my mouth. “On the bed.” He’s turned into something insatiable. “Now.” 

I move back to my bed, laying in the same position as before. He takes his time approaching me. When he finally gets to me, he kisses my thighs easily. I let out a small breath before something that’s pure pleasure meets my core. His tongue laps upwards lazily, grazing my clit but not quite touching it.  My hips thrust towards his face, but with hand he holds me down. A coil in my stomach continues to build as he angles himself more purposefully, tongue finally taking care of my clit. My gasps become less and less reasonable as he continues to lap at all that my body has to offer. The coil tightens, I see stars--and then, like cruelty personified, he pulls away. His absence leaves me ready to cry out. 

My desperation only fuels Kirigan as he lines himself with my entrance. Concern twists my stomach as I consider how full my mouth felt when he was in me. I expect some level of warning, but he thrusts into me with no warning. I let out a pathetic cry, but that means nothing to him as he pulls out just to thrust into me with full force again.

“Only I can hurt you,” he demands, thrusting into me as I call out his name. My eyes water at the sensation of such fullness, pleasure and pain combining themselves in a way that leaves me incapable of thought. “Your tears,” he muses, one hand moving to wipe at a tear rolling down my cheek, “Are mine.” 

His thrusts become more and more brutal, less and less even. Each movement of his body in mine leaves me begging for more and less at the same time. He continues until the coil in my stomach tenses to the point of breaking. 

“Kirigan,” I manage, voice far away, “I’m going t--”

“I know,” he offers, “finish with me, dove.” His hand finds my throat, adding the slightest bit of restrained pressure. “And do not hold in your cries.” 

Two more sharp thrusts have us both finishing, calling out for each other as we try to draw out the high of our orgasms together. 

We stay intertwined like that for longer than we should, but then Kirigan stands. I envy his ability to do so. I don’t call for him even though I still don’t want to be alone here. A moment later, I hear him approach. I’m too drowsy to ask what he’s doing as a damp towel is wiped against my forehead and inner thighs. 

When he’s finished cleaning me, some raw emotion settles in my chest. “Are you leaving?” 

Kirigan hesitates. “Not if you don’t want me to.” 

I roll over, the motion leaves my body aching. Kirigan accepts my invitation, crawling beneath my sheets and adjusting our bodies so that he can rest his hand on my back. 

--

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