#I’ll never get to experience this beloved thing again

[drygrasses]

JOEY IS LEAVING KOOZA….I THOUGHT HE WAS LEAVING IN OCTOBER…….I HAVENT GOTTEN TO SEE HIM PERFORM AS THE TRICKSTER AGAIN YET IM SO SAD

[milksnake-tea]

━━ fear not the road untaken .

Sunday hadn't spent long with the Stellaron Hunters before boarding the Express, but the memories he'd made with them were priceless. One quiet day in the Express's cabin, while reflecting on his experiences with the Hunters, you appear to visit him.

astral express!sunday x gn!stellaronhunter!reader

contains: sunday used to be a stellaron hunter, teasing, FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF THIS IS THE CUTEST THING IVE WRITTEN SO FAR, SUNDAY IS DOWN BADDDD AS HE DESERVES TO BE BITES FIST I MISSED THIS SO BADDDDD, not established relationship sunday just has a massive crush on you

word count: 2.06k

a/n: happy drip marketing yall. you all get a sunday fluff piece. as a treat. also yes i am completely and totally sane. (THIS IS THE MOST SELF INDULGENT FIC IVE EVER WRITTEN I AM SO SORRY GUYS)

taglist: @sh0jun , @themoderatelyawesomeninja , @xphantasmagoriax , @rainswept , @lucensei , @akutasoda , @naraven , @scribs-dibs , @apathicace , @flurrina , @tragedy-of-commons , @cakechase , @kiiyoooo

“Sunday, we’re going out to Belobog for a bit. Wanna come with?”

Heeled boots still in the midst of a step. Feather-like hair shifts and tousles as he turns his head. At the invitation, gold melts, sapphires glitter, and a gentle smile warms his lips.

March is a blessing, he thinks. She is bubbly, kind, and always manages to light up whatever room she steps into - in that regard, she is not too unlike his beloved sister. Although her ability to plan ahead leaves much room for improvement, he cannot deny that it was her presence that made his transition into a Nameless much easier than it would’ve been.

Although, truthfully, he’d expected more resistance from her - out of everyone, she seemed to be the most traumatized by the Charmony Festival Disaster, and she also had more of a distaste for Stellaron Hunters than the others. But surprisingly, she’d come around to him, and welcomed him into the Express with open arms - and a lot of food. He swears, every time she’s come back from a trip, it’s another sweet or drink shoved into his arms - not that he’s complaining, though.

“Thank you for the invitation,” he begins, then rests a hand over his chest as a reflex. “But I’m afraid I’ll have to refuse. The last expedition has left me rather exhausted - and as you know, I don’t fare well in cold weather.”

Dan Heng nods in understanding. He’s never been a man of many words, and for that Sunday appreciates him. He rather likes straight-forward people, who aren’t afraid to say their mind - perhaps that’s why he’s grown to adore both the Express and the Hunters so much.

“Is there anything you want us to bring back?” pipes up the Trailblazer, dog-like eyes shining as they lean over March. “Like, sweets or whatever?”

Sunday bites back a chuckle. Somehow, word had gotten around that Sunday had quite the sweet tooth. He doesn’t know who started it or how they found out (he has his suspicions on March), but ever since the trio has been dragging him around to various planets and encouraging him to try the local desserts.

He wonders if he’s gotten cavities yet. He hopes not.

Maybe he should check again, at a later time.

“That Rye Bread Iceberg you brought last time was rather enjoyable. I’d like to try it again.”

March and the Trailblazer brighten at his words. “Okay, on it!”

Dan Heng only hums his acknowledgement before turning to leave the parlor car. “Let’s go,” he advises the others. “You know Seele doesn’t like to wait.”

Sunday has never personally met this Seele (the Trailblazer describes her as a crass but kind-hearted warrior), but her fury is enough to whip both March and the Trailblazer into shape. It isn’t long before the trio is waving him goodbye as they descend into the frozen planet, and he also bids them farewell.

And then it is just him, and the conductor.

A small sigh leaves him as he sits down on one of the many couches. He wasn’t lying when he said he was exhausted. Fighting - or any physical activity, for that matter - isn’t exactly his strong suit. Even during his time with the Hunters, he’d stayed behind the front lines, acting as a pseudo Kafka with his carefully crafted words and tuning abilities.

That’s one of the few things about the Hunters that he prefers over the Express - they didn’t force him to hike through deserts and jungles and mountains and Xipe knows what else. All they did was throw him off a skyscraper in the name of the script (he’s pretty sure Elio just wanted to see if he’d actually fly or not).

Sunday blinks, realizing just what had just passed through his mind. Then he sighs with a smile, leaning back into the red plush of the couches.

Only a few months since his fall, and he’s already beginning to think as weirdly as the rest of them.

“Sunday, are you alright?”

Sunday glances down to see the conductor waddling by his feet.

Pom Pom is… strange, no doubt - for whatever reason, Dan Heng fears them and has advised Sunday to not anger them at all costs. Their past is shrouded in mystery, but Sunday finds himself drawn to the conductor. Perhaps living most of his life in a fever dream like Penacony has warped his perception of what is normal and what is not.

“I’m fine, thank you.” He shifts on the couch to make room, but the conductor shakes their head.

“Are you sure? Pom Pom saw you laughing to yourself,” they fret, tapping their nubby hands together anxiously. “Have you been sleeping enough?”

Sunday crosses one leg over the other, and rests his hands over his knee. “If you’re concerned about my transition from Penacony to reality, be at ease. The Hunters have practically beat a proper sleep schedule into me.”

Pom Pom yelps in shock. “B-Beat?! They beat you?”

“Not literally,” Sunday hastes, instinctively reaching out a hand to calm the conductor. “It was more akin to… ominously threatening checkups. Although, there was this one time-”

He sees the look on Pom Pom’s face, and decides to stop it there. He fears they might break out sobbing if he continues.

“Nevertheless, rest assured that I am sleeping at an appropriate time,” he finishes reassuringly. His practiced smile pays off as the conductor gradually calms down, albeit worry about the Hunters’ methods still lingers.

“Alright, if you say so, Sunday.” They look around uneasily. “Do you want anything to drink?”

Sunday waves his hands hastily. “No, I am alright, thank you-”

“He’ll have some tea.”

Pom Pom jumps with a shriek and Sunday’s wings puff up. A familiar laugh ghosts his ear, and immediately Sunday’s face brightens.

“What- What are you doing here?!” Pom Pom quickly hides behind one of Sunday’s slender legs, hugging it like a lifeline. Sunday places a hand on their head to calm them as he turns to the hologram with a warm smile.

“At ease, conductor, they’re a friend.”

Your holographic form glitches in and out of reality. There’s a thin blue filter over your appearance, but other than that, everything is the same as he remembers.

“Hey, angel,” you coo, leaning your elbow on his shoulder as you sit besides him. Its weight is not the same as it would be in reality, but the presence is enough - a small, barely noticeable tingle that has his heart fluttering and his wings following in suit. “How’s life as Nameless? Do you miss us yet?”

Sunday laughs gently. “It has only been two weeks since I left the Hunters. I’m afraid I haven’t had the time to miss you all.”

You pout playfully, sticking out your tongue.Even though parts of you chip away and reappear, and your form isn’t stable, Sunday can’t help but be as captivated by you as he was when he was still among the Hunters’ ranks. Where the projection fails, his tinted memory fills in.

“Silver Wolf misses you, although I doubt she’d actually say it,” you say, taking a lock of his hair and twirling it around your finger. “Has she visited you yet?”

Sunday stutters a bit before weakly batting your finger away with his wing. “No, I’m afraid she hasn’t.”

“Hm.” You smile at his attempt to brush you off. Letting go of his hair, you instead opt to tug lightly at his cheek, earning a squeak from the Halovian. “That’s weird. Maybe she was too shy to speak up.”

“I-” Sunday rubs his cheek when you finally let go. Embarrassingly, his wings jump to shield his face, an unfortunate reflex he’d yet to curb. “I suppose she was…”

He hears you hum, and he lifts a wing to peek at you. His cheeks feel hot - no, that’s an understatement, the entirety of his body feels as if he’s in a fireplace.

“Give her my regards,” he finally breathes out, thanking the Aeons for his training in keeping his composure. Sure, it ultimately fails whenever he looks at you, but at least he’s able to fix himself quickly enough… or at least, he hopes that’s what it looks like.

“You didn’t answer my question though.” Propping your elbow on his shoulder again, you rest your cheek in your palm. “How’s the Nameless life treating you?”

“It’s chaotic,” Sunday admits with a fond sigh. He relaxes into the couch once more, feeling himself sink into the plush. Briefly, he’s tempted to lean his head on your shoulder, but given that you’re a holograph, he holds himself back. “But it’s fun. The Nameless have been kind, and the planets I’ve visited… It’s nice, to see the universe as someone other than a wanted criminal.”

“Wow. Thanks.”

Sunday would apologize, but considering that it’s you he’s talking to, he doesn’t feel the need to. After all, you’ve said worse to him, and him to you.

“You know what I mean,” he chuckles. “To be honest, though, the Express and the Hunters aren’t so different.”

He hears Pom Pom squawk indignantly, and again he ruffles their fur to calm them. Turning ever so slightly to your hologram, he gazes at you with adoration and fondness swelling his heart.

“To the both of you, I am forever grateful. If it weren’t for your kindness, I’d be rotting away in an alley somewhere. I wouldn’t be where I am today.”

All distaste for the Hunters fades from Pom Pom as they giggle bashfully. “Aw, Sunday… You don’t have to thank us. We were just doing what the Nameless do.”

You nod in agreement, reaching through his wing and poking his cheek again. “Conductor’s right. No need for thanks, birdie.”

“Still-” Sunday makes a sound like a startled bird as you poke his cheek harder, squishing it against the rest of his face. Underneath his coat, his primary wings strain with the urge to flutter and twitch, while his secondary wings are held back by sheer willpower. The only sign that they want to flap so badly is with the tiniest of tremors.

“None of that,” you chide him gently, tapping him lightly on the plush of his lips. “We’re just glad you’re happy - right, bunny?”

“Who’re you calling bunny?!” Pom Pom protests, steam puffing out of their head while steam threatens to escape Sunday’s face for completely different reasons.

Before you can reply, however, your form begins to glitch out, flickering in and out of reality at a higher frequency. With an annoyed click of your tongue, you stand up.

“Looks like Silver Wolf isn’t happy,” you comment, brushing off imaginary dust from your clothes. Taking one step so that you’re fully in front of Sunday, you lean in so that your projected nose barely brushes against his. “I have to get going now. You have my number, so text me if you need anything, okay? Or if you want to catch me up with your travels, you can always call me.”

Sunday’s voice feels lodged in his throat. With a subtle gulp, his Adam’s Apple bobbing ever so slightly, he manages to speak with an even voice.

“Okay,” he whispers, his voice almost a whimper. He wants to explode.

You smile fondly, and duck in to peck at the corner of his lips. The buzzing of your holograph morphs into electrifying lightning, surging into his veins, puffing up his feathers and making all of his hairs stand up and sending his already tapping heart into a frenzy. His body freezes into a statue, and all coherent thoughts melt away into a haze that is both ecstatic and shocked.

By the time you pull away, his wings are flapping erratically and his entire body is dyed in a rosey red. His mouth opens and closes like a fish, but all words die on his tongue and he is left blabbering like a fool.

You laugh again, eyes crinkling so beautifully he swears he’s ascended.

“If that’s how you react, I wonder how cute you’ll be when it’s the real deal.”

And then you’re gone, vanishing like a sweet dream in a flurry of pixels, leaving Sunday there to dazedly touch his lips, and then where you’d kissed him.

And then he smiles, giddily, and his halo practically glows as soft, love-stricken giggles begin to leave him.

reblogs w comments are appreciated !!

[whumpsoda]

if ur doing prompts may I request a pet whump where pets are so common that there’s been a serum invented to take away higher cognitive functions from whumpee’s and overload them in oxytocin. so while still them—they can’t understand how to read and miss many conversation cues. all they know is that they used to be scared, they’re treated nicely, and enjoy sitting by the fire

Inspiration finally struck, and I can’t say no to pet whump!! Taglist: @softvampirewhump

cw: mentions of vomit, pet whump, dehumanization, drug use, injection and needle

———————————————————————

The rugged man sighed, gazing down at the man defrosting at his feet. “Alright darlin’. It’s time for your medicine.” Whumper’s thick, gloved thumb glazed over his pet’s frosty cheek.

“Mmm…” the pet hummed, the words of his master practically flowing right over his head. Whumpee was far too enraptured in the sensation of the growing fire warming his chilled skin, as well as the plush feel of the blanket which engulfed him. 

Whumpee couldn’t exactly recall how he’d gotten so cold in the first place, but wasn’t very concerned with it. He’d probably just gotten carried away outside again. He just got so excited when Master would let him out, even in such a brutal winter. All that mattered was how nice and comfortable he was now, anyway.

He snuggled eagerly into the stroke of affection on his face, a lazy smile resting on his lips. 

Whumper was trying to pull away from his beloved book, an impossibly large one Whumpee had seen him engulfed in for days now. The pet was always shocked that Master was so smart, being able to get through such a thing, and even enjoying it.

Master flicked swiftly through the pages, the crinkle of paper mixing with the pop and crackle of the fire. The pleasant beat of heat on Whumpee’s skin was beyond enjoyable, and if he had a choice he would most definitely choose to be in such a state forever.

Reading, or trying to at the very least, was always a painful experience for Whumpee, a situation he was not a fan of. A pet wasn’t exactly fit for reading in the first place though, so it was never much of a problem he dwelled on.

Master’s fingers began to slip from his head, tempting to pull away. At the notice of Whumper’s touch beginning to waver, the pet desperately pushed his head back into the man’s hand.

He simply chuckled in response. “I need to get your meds, sweet. It’ll take just a moment ‘n I’ll be right back.” 

Whumpee whimpered dejectedly, savoring the last of the contact before his master fully pulled away. He held back the urge to beg for more, instead opting to be grateful that Master had been kind enough to grant him such a gift in the first place.

Whumper pushed his tired limbs from his beloved leather chair next to the fire place, his thick socks shuffling on the floor as he walked past. The pet could faintly pick up the noise of his master bumbling around the kitchen, gradually becoming increasingly nervous with what was to come.

Whumpee didn’t like the injections, or the medicine itself. The injection hurt, and no matter how slight or insignificant, he did not like it. He especially wasn’t fond of the way the drugs made him feel, spinning his animal brain in circles and bringing bile up his throat.

But he couldn’t not have the medication. All pets took it, he knew that much. And if Master said he needed it, then there was no doubt he did! Even if no amount of good behavior could seemingly get him out of it.

Whumpee was snapped from his thoughts by the sudden sight of Whumper towering over him, sweetly ruffling his damp hair. The pet wished he could have enjoyed the affection more, as his stomach churned with growing discomfort.

He wriggled in his fuzzy fabric pile, becoming visibly upset as he listened to Whumper ready his tools. “Hush, boy, you’ll be fine. Same stuff as always.” 

The words did close to nothing to calm his nerves, simply washing through one ear and rippling out the other. His struggles were only halted by the commanding grasp of his master’s glove on his chin.

Master was strong, strong enough to punish any slight disobedience in the blink of an eye. As much as Whumpee disliked it, he quieted his dismay.

“I know you hate it, but there’s no way around it. Your meds help you stay such a good boy. Don’t wanna turn naughty now, do you?” Master questioned.

Whumpee shook his head energetically, staring up with pleading eyes. Of course he didn’t want to be bad! He wouldn’t dream of it, Master had to know that!

As if the pet had answered aloud, the other man gave him a satisfactory smile. “Of course you wouldn’t. So be a good boy and stay still for Master, alright?” 

Whumpee tried his very hardest to keep himself still and tense, only guided by the clutch on his chin. He fearfully clamped his eyes tight, sticking his lids together with all of his might.

Familiar sounds spread around him, ones he desperately tried to shut out in fear of making any mistakes that could irritate his master. “Doin’ so good, darlin’. Just one moment and we’ll be all done. Still for just one more second.” 

Master’s soothing voice licked his delicate ears, almost distracting him from the sense of the needle descending to his pale flesh. 

The prick of the edge puncturing his skin was almost instant, as well as scarily alarming. Practically against his own will Whumpee lurched forward, the nick seering in a jolt of pain. Whumper gripped his frame firmly in response, almost painfully so.

Whumpee squealed frightfully. Pet didn’t like it! He didn’t like it, he didn’t like it! Master always said it wasn’t a punishment, yet it always felt like it! 

Whumper’s gloves dug into his exposed skin, only encouraging Whumpee to struggle more. 

“Okay, okay, we’re done!” The grip restraining Whumpee disappeared in an instant, leaving the ghost of an angry touch.

His breaths continued, yet ragged and shaky. He noticed the creep of tears in his eyes, no matter how eager he was to prevent them. Whumper cleaned up his tools, gathering them to return to their rightful spot to ready them for the next time. “S’all over now, boy. We’re all done.” Master soothed, a slight tinge of annoyance prevalent.

A light flame of anger lit deep inside of the pet. It wasn’t over, not yet. 

Whumpee jerked forward yet again, grabbing for the rug below him to contain himself. A wave of painful thickness was settling over him. His vision was quickly growing fuzzy and bleak, the room swaying around him. A warm, thick slurry rose, sliding up his throat and lingering just there. He tried to regain himself, an act that quickly became futile as his strength lessened. The pet’s limbs shook, weakened and afraid.

With glossy eyes and sickly sight he searched for his master, who was sitting comfortably in his chair once again. Whumpee could only make out a pleased smile on the man’s face as the pet clung to his pant leg. 

Whumpee gagged fearfully, the sick sense tainting his throat. His brain was swimming, cotton and clouds making their way inside. His thoughts were becoming gummy, slowing and allowing himself to calm. Coherency was hard to reach, and he soon gave up on the task.  As long as Master was around, he’d be fine.

Whumper put a hand to his pet’s swaying head, guiding the man against his own leg. Whumpee’s sluggish muscles were thankful for the help, surrendering to Master’s whims. 

With his thoughts so hard to reach, his limbs so tired, and the pain subsiding, Whumpee was gradually calming, melting into his master. Hearing was fuzzy, as well as most things at the moment, but he could mostly make out Whumper’s purr of words.

“Relax now, darlin’. It’ll be fine in a bit. Gotta keep you all nice and good, right? Be a good boy and take a little nap while you’re all out’ve it.” Whumpee cuddled further into the man, desperate to follow him. His blanket was soon placed softly back on his shoulders, as his drool drowsily trickled onto crusty denim fabric.

Whumpee was losing consciousness, a pull he was fully willing to give in to. Master said he should, and so he would, simple as that. As long as he could be a good pet when he woke up, the hurt would all be worth it.

[mint-yooxgi]

Indulgence - Yandere!Fallen Angel!Hongjoong

Yandere AU & Fallen Angel AU - First Person POV

Genre: Mature, Smutty Themes, Internal Monologue

Pairing: Hongjoong X Implied Chubby!Fem!Reader

Words: 2,038

Warnings: Religious themes and imagery, the typical angel/demon bs, heavy sexual themes: masturbation, voyerism. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: Ngl, this was way darker in my head lmaooo. Anyways, Feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy!~

The Twelfth of The Feral Drabbles

Really? Broad daylight? You certainly are a wild one, aren’t you? Maybe that’s why I love you so much.

You know, it hasn’t been easy since the fall, but you have truly made the pain I first experienced worthwhile. I’ll even let you in on a little secret…

I fell because of you.

You: you’re captivating, did you know that? I’m not easily impressed, but there’s just something about you that drew me in from the very first moment I laid my eyes upon you. One of His creations that puts even the most beautiful of us to shame. You should be protected, and kept away from those unworthy to gaze upon you.

After all, I’ve always been taught: nothing less for the best!

I will keep you safe. I will worship you like you clearly deserve. You need me, just as I need you. After all, I no longer have to worry about those stupid morals or duties down here. Only you.

From my experience, humans tend to… indulge in their more primal desires at night, but you? Anyone could look into your room right now and see what it is that you’re doing. Really, you’re lucky I’m here to make sure that that doesn’t happen. No one else can see the way your hands trace over such delicate curves. No one else deserves to watch as your chest stutters with every hitch in your breath.

I only wish it were me in that room making you breathless instead.

One of the various reasons I fell, My Beloved, was due to my desire for you. You make it increasingly hard to control myself around you, not that I’ve ever seemed to have any sense of control around you to begin with. I’ve long since ached to feel your touch on me, to know what those hands feel like tugging on my hair, cupping my face so tenderly, and maybe even squeezing my ass…

Well, you get the point.

I want you, and I will do everything in my power - or rather, with the power that still remains inside of me - to make you mine.

I’ve truly never given much thought to indulgences before- no, wait, that’s a lie. I promised myself I would stop lying to you. You deserve my truth, and only my truth. You’re the only one that does. Everyone else can go visit Uncle Luci downstairs for all I care. You are the only one who matters to me now.

Anyways, I digress… Indulgence. What a strange word. To even so much as imply that basic wants and necessities are something to indulge in is completely abhorrent. Every person’s needs - angels, demons, humans - are different, and to act like an indulgence for one is completely natural for another defeats the purpose.

My brothers down below revel in the more sinister indulgences, while those stupid, ‘holier-than-thou’ chickens I once belonged to would shun them, even though the majority of us would do the same damn things. Isn’t it interesting, Beloved, that one is revered while the other is feared? What makes demons worse than angels for doing the same, horrific things?

Ah, but enough about my family trauma… Let me now focus on you.

Oh, I suppose in my tangent, I zoned out for a little there. You’ve certainly been busy in that time, not that I’m complaining. 

No. Never. I could never fault you for anything.

Unless you tried to run from me. Or you decided to fall in love with another. Or you wanted to leave me.

Okay, so just don’t do anything bad, and we’ll live- what do you humans like to call it again? Oh, ‘Happily Ever After.’

Really, I’m just lucky that you decided to move out to the countryside. You don’t have many neighbours, but really, Beloved, you never know what kind of monsters can be lurking in the shadows. Fear not, for I am here to watch over you. Always.

And gaze upon you, I do… 

Such beauty…

Such marvellous wonder…

Look at how those beautiful thighs part, practically begging for me to be between them right this very moment. Look at the way your legs tremble, and you’ve still yet to touch that gorgeous cunt of yours.

It’s a shame really. I should be the one giving you such sweet release. You shouldn’t have to do this on your own.

No! Don’t cover your mouth with your hand! Let me hear you!

Oh my… That was close… I almost smashed my hand through your window, Beloved. Do you see what you do to me? I told you I can hardly control myself around you, but you can’t blame me. You just have such a strong affect on me…

Such a perfect scene spread out before me, and you want to taint it by muffling your sounds? What am I supposed to do with myself if I can’t hear what you sound like whimpering and whining for me? How is that fair?

I want to know everything about you. I want to consume you in the best of ways, just as you have enraptured me with your very soul. Let it shine beside my own, a brilliant white to contrast my now scorched wings. Wings that now brand me as a Fallen with their blackened feathers.

Black feathers are meant to be a sign of shame amongst my kind, but all I can feel is pride. You have given me hope for a new life, and I would fall all over again if it meant spending even one second with you.

I love you, My Beloved, and nothing will ever change that.

So, please, won’t you open up to me?

Yes… That’s it, Beautiful, just like that. Cup those gorgeous breasts for me. Imagine that those are my hands holding you so. Feel my fingers pinching your nipples, my tongue flicking against your skin.

How I long for the day where I can finally touch you. I want to be able to bring you to new heights, and show you pleasures that you’ve never even dreamed about. You should be taken care of with the utmost attention, and I promise you that that is what I’ll do. I’ll take my time worshipping every dip, every curve of that wondrous body of yours. I’ll make you sigh my name like a prayer, nothing but the most intricate of praises delegated unto you from my lips.

Fuck- spread those legs for me. Let me see all of you in your glory. Let me discover my own personal heaven on earth in you.

My Beloved… is this all for me? Is the way your essence drips out of you because you long for this, too? It must be. There’s no other that could make you this wet, no other that could have you trembling just from the mere thought of them and what they could do to you.

I’m glad to know I’m not the only one able to affect the other like this…

Oh, Beloved, you really are putting on a show just for me! It’s like you can read my mind!

Perhaps… No. I shouldn’t be so bold.

Then again, after everything that’s happened, why shouldn’t I be? I have long since submitted to the fact that I am yours, and you are mine. There’s no doubt about it, not when I feel this strongly for you.

I must get closer, this glass separating me from you is burdensome. I need to see you, unobstructed. I need to be able to hear your every sound, unfiltered.

I suppose I should be grateful for my wings now, the black blends right in to the shadows my brothers downstairs revel above all else. I’ll admit, I’m not quite used to hiding in corners. We angels typical love standing out, but for now, I’ll lie in wait. It’s much better for the both of us this way. Besides, you wouldn’t be able to see me even if you tried.

Oh, Beloved, look at you… How the mere sight of you, hand teasing at that gorgeous pussy, nearly brings me to my knees. The way your lips are parted as little breaths escape you while your eyes flutter shut and your nose scrunches is the most captivating sight I have ever had the pleasure to behold.

My only wish is that you could see the effect you have on me. Like you, my whole body is heating. My hands tremble, and my legs shake. Hell, even my wings cannot help but flutter in anticipation as I sneak my own hand down the front of my body. I’ll allow myself the pleasure of touching myself in time with you. I’ve only ever dreamed about it a countless amount of times before, anyways.

Dearly Beloved, won’t you give in to yourself? Give in to any and every desire you’re currently thinking about.

Touch yourself for me…

That’s it, Beloved, let me hear the wet drag of your fingers through that dripping cunt. I want to drown in your pleasure with you, don’t hold back.

Now I see why you covered your hand with your mouth…

It truly is hard to keep quiet when there’s such a temptation spread out before oneself. You are the greatest temptation I have ever known, and if I didn’t stifle my moan just now, you would have know that someone else is in the room with you. Well, we can’t have that, now, can we? You’d get scared and stop what you’re doing, and I wouldn’t be able to comfort you when you needed me most.

Fuck- there is no sound more holy than the breathless way you whine from such a simple touch.

Does that feel good, My Beloved? Are your fingers enough, circling over that delicate little clit of yours? Wouldn’t you rather feel mine? What about my tongue? You’d let me have a taste of that intoxicating nectar that flows from your pretty cunt, right? You’d let me get lost in you for however long I’d like? I’ll always give you everything you could ever want, My Beloved. My fingers, my tongue, my cock. Everything.

All that I am, is yours, Beloved. I hope when the time comes, you can say the same for me.

Oh, Beloved… do you know how fucking sexy you are when you moan like that? Do you know how it makes my heart stutter to hear you get lost to your own pleasure; how my cock aches for you? You must, otherwise you wouldn’t be tempting me like this.

I’m honestly embarrassed by how close I am already. I’ll have to work on that if we are to make love all night long when the time comes. And it will. I will make damn sure of it.

For now, why don’t you come for me? Rub that little clit, and come for me. Don’t hold back now, I want to see you. In all of your raw glory.

Yes, yes, yes, that’s it! Don’t stop now, Beloved. Let me hear you scream for me!

Fuck- I can practically taste you on my tongue already… look at that gorgeous pussy, just fucking fluttering in bliss. 

So beautiful, and all mine.

Wait a second… I taste… blood.

Oh, I suppose I bit into my hand to keep myself quiet while I came with you. No worries, I’ll heal in the blink of an eye. Getting to see you come apart like that for me, though… priceless.

I wish I could stay, but I think one of my wings knocked into one of your picture frames on the wall, and I think you heard it despite the blissful haze that still clouds your mind. The last thing I want is to get caught like this. It’s not proper of me.

Really, what would you think?

I hope you didn’t catch that soft giggle of mine as I left your room, My Beloved, and I certainly hope you don’t discover any of my feathers I may or may not have left behind for you. If that’s that case, and you finally learn of my existence, my devotion to you… well, whatever on earth would I do?

[zoros-fourth-sword]

ZORO x FEM READER

This was my own idea I’m a single mom lmao and I never got to experience the whole loving partner thing or whatever but I decided to write a little fic for myself about Zoro because I see him having a pregnancy kink like 100% 😂🙂

{MDNI 18+ only}

This oneshot is a 18+ only so read at your own risk

This oneshot contains: eating out, sleepy sex, oral sex, sweet name calling, soft dom, breeding kink, pregnancy sex, and more

BEWARE MY WRITING SUCKS

SOFT ZORO x PREGO FEM READER

Everything is Consensual in this one shot

“Fuck Zoro” the pregnant woman moaned as she rubbed her legs together. she and the green haired swordsman were laying in their shared bedroom fast asleep but due to Zoro’s good hearing Y/N’s loud talking woke him up. thinking she was waking him up to go get the blond cook to make one of her cravings again

“Fuck Zoro Please” the girl moaned once again

“Alright princess I’ll go get whatever you need” The swordsman chuckled but once he realized his beloved was asleep he stopped in his place

“Zoro please” the sleeping girl panted as she rubbed her ankles together

Once the swordsman realized what his pregnant wife was dreaming about caused lewd thoughts to pass through his mind making his dick harden in his shorts

Coming up with the idea to please his beloved he pulls the covers off her legs showing off her plushy thighs. Zoro gently spreads her legs being careful not to wake her up he pushes her oversized t-shirt above her baby bump causing her to stir in her sleep making him freeze in his spot. once he knew she was asleep he pulled her underwear to the side to devour her sweetness. in one swift motion Zoros tongue was on her heat doing pleasurable motions causing the woman to pull his hair by pure instinct

Something about zoro seeing his wife plump and pregnant with his baby made his dick harder than ever. That's all he could think about was Y/N Layed out on their bed. milk leaking from her round plump tits from his doing. he loved to see her begging, panting, wanting more, he knew her hormones made it worse for her. He liked that she needed him more than ever

“Fuck zoro” I moun as I pull on the man’s hair once i realized I wasn’t dreaming I was shocked that zoro decided to be so touchy tonight we haven’t been able to have sex in the last couple days due to his journeys with Luffy I usually stay on the ship with Brook while the rest of the crew take care of everything else.

so the moment I’m in right now I’m going to savor it, I have been so needy it was like my body was craving something and I figured it out I needed fucking zoro and god he felt so good

“You feel so good zoro” I moan as I place my hand on my baby bump while the other squeezes the bed covers

“Mhm” Zoro growled once he realized I was awake sending vibrations up my core and adding more pleasure to my pleasure

“Please zoro I need you” I pant as I pull his green locks causing him to pull away

“Only because you asked me so nicely and you deserve it,” Zoro said as he rubs his rough hands across my bump pulling up the rest of my shirt

“But first I need a drink” Zoro grumbled as he put my nipple into his mouth squeezing the other causing milk to leak from the both of them

“Zoro you feel so good so so good” I pant loving that he’s making my sore boobs feel good I needed this

“I know baby I know and you taste so fucking good” he growled as he switched to my other tit making sure to give them the same amount of treatment

“Please zoro I need you” I whine as I began to grind against his thigh desperately needing friction

Not saying a word zoro swiftly pulled his shorts and underwear off letting his hard cock free

“Hands and knees babydoll” Zoro grumbled his deep voice sending chills up my spine

“Okay” I weakly say as I position myself on my hands and knees it being quite the struggle due to my bump

“We got to be gentle sweetheart” Zoro mumbled as he leaned over my back running his hand under me to rub my bump

“Mhm” I moan once I feel his hard cock against my wetness

“Ready sweetheart,” Zoro asked as he leaned back to adjust his cock

“Yes” I pant lowering my head between my arms

“Good” Zoro mumbled as he gently inserted his cock causing me to let out a whine

“Fuck baby your so wet did you miss me that much” Zoro huffed as he massaged my ass cheeks continuing to softly rut into me

“Yes I missed you so much” I moan getting more turned on by the squishing sounds between my legs

“You feel so good Zoro” I whine as I hold my bump trying to steady it

“You're being such a good girl Y/N taking my cock so eagerly” Zoro grumble as he grabbed my hips to pump into me faster

“Fuck Zoro” I pant as droll ran from my mouth from the addictive feeling

“Shit sweetheart keep saying my name,” Zoro said as angels himself wanting to feel my cervix

“Zoro” I squeak out trying to catch my breath

“You’re so pretty pregnant with my baby sweetheart,” Zoro said as he moved my hair from my sweaty back so I was less hot

“I love being pregnant with your baby Zoro I would have thousands of more” instantly saying what was on my mind

“Shit Y/N” Zoro growled as he dug his nails into my hips releasing inside me from my words

“Fuck baby don’t say shit like that” Zoro huffed as leaned over my back to plant a kiss against the side of my head

“Are you-“Before I could finish my husband cut me off

“Don’t worry baby I’m going to finish you off. how about you sit your sexy ass on my face”

Hopefully this was good I’m sorry if it wasn’t but comment and like if you enjoyed 😚🥰🙏

[tenaciousjalapeno]

Testing The Cat Lady

1/?

Pairing: LA Buggy the Clown x Reader

Summary: Captain Buggy invades your small town because that's kind of his thing. Your methods of escape pique his interest, so he drops everything and drags you back to his tent for a little chat. However, you're enraged when you realize that your beloved cat is nowhere to be seen.

Warnings: language

Word Count: 2300

A/N: This is my first time writing really anything, so please don’t be mean or I’ll cry. Kind of experimenting and finding my own style, so I can't promise consistency lol. Definitely open to any tips/pointers

A bright light rouses you from your sleep. Ugh. Everything is sore. Your heavy eyelids protest as you force them open, being met with a blue-haired man in clown makeup standing mere feet from you. A gasp escapes your dry, bound mouth as you’re jolted back into reality, tensing every muscle in your body. Much to your chagrin, you can’t move an inch. Checking yourself over, you see that your hands and feet are bound to a circular board.

The man turns toward you. “Wellll, good morning, sleepyhead! Hope you enjoyed your nap,” the man says with a large smile plastered across his face. However, the smile is anything but friendly. His tone is hostile, and his eyes are cold. You glance around the room, but it’s difficult to discern where you are. A large spotlight shines upon you and the clown, dousing anything outside of its beam with darkness.

Anxiety builds in the pit of your stomach. You mumble against the cloth stuffed into your mouth, trying to ask what the hell is going on. “Ah, ah, ah,” he scolds, waving a finger in front of you. “I saw your little show back in town. That’s why I dragged your sorry ass back here.” He paces in front of you, never dropping eye contact. All humor has left his face, a mixture of irritation and curiosity left in its place.

Of course, you know what he’s referencing. It was your devil fruit ability.

Earlier in the day, the unexpected and unwelcomed bell rang across town to warn that pirates were nearing. From your hilltop bungalow on the outskirts of town, the brightly colored ship bearing a Jolly Roger sail was visible. It appeared to be far enough out for you to have time to gather some belongings before evacuating, so you did exactly that. However, you underestimated how prepared the crew was. Several bands of pirates had already surrounded your town, one of which infiltrated your small neighborhood. Panic set in, and adrenaline rushed through you. So, as if on instinct, you started to sing.

Back in your teenage years, you were a traveler. Never staying in one place for too long, you visited dozens of islands and adventured through both large cities and undeveloped areas alike. One of your escapades led you to a devil fruit – the Hum-Hum fruit, to be exact. Being the adventurer you were, how could you resist?

It gave you the ability to influence peoples’ emotions by singing to them. It had its pros and cons, but ultimately made a good defensive ability. It helped you out of a lot of sticky situations throughout your journeys right up until you decided to settle on this island and call it home. You acclimated to the friendly town easily and even befriended a scruffy orange kitten, who you decided to call Mango.

Overwhelming the pirates with a false, but intense fear, they cowered before you as you slowly backed away with a small rucksack and Mango held against your che- Wait. Mango!

You start thrashing against your restraints, hurling muffled expletives at this blue-haired jackass. What the fuck did they do with him?

He smiled again, genuinely this time, finally getting the reaction that he wanted from you. “You seem like you’ve got something to say, doll,” he states, pleased with himself. “I’ll be gracious enough to let you explain what you were doing to my freaks.” Is this an opening? “Oh, and my cauliflower-eared friend, Klaus, here is going to make sure you don’t try anything.” A large man with scarred ears steps into the light, startling you. No. It was not, in fact, an opening. The big, dumb-looking guy steps forward and removes your gag. He then takes a step back, mumbling something to the blue-haired man. You’re not positive, but you’re pretty sure he called the blue-haired man “captain.” So this guy is the captain of the invading pirates? Doesn’t look like much, you thought.

The captain stares at you eagerly, waiting for an explanation. You meet his gaze with a glare, seething and ready for a fight. “What did you do with my cat?” His face falls in disbelief.

“What?” he asks incredulously.

“Where. Is. My. Cat!”

He stares back, taking a moment to fully process your words before he starts flailing and yells, “A cat? Buggy the Clown – captain of the most dreaded pirate crew the East Blue has ever known – has you tied up and helpless, ready to kill you if I have to, and you’re worried about a fucking cat?” Of course you are. Mango’s your best friend. Also, “most dreaded?” You’ve never even heard of him. This Buggy guy seems to think highly of himself. He pinches the bridge of his nose with a defeated sigh. “I don’t know where your cat is. That is not the point. Now tell me what you were doing to my men!”

This guy clearly doesn’t comprehend how much you love your cat and how bull-headed you can be.

“I’m not answering anything until I have my cat back.”

“Fuck!” Buggy steps out of the light. You can’t see him, but you can hear him still yelling, utterly frustrated. “You, you, and you! Go find this dumbshit cat!”

You finally relax against the board, pleased. “He’s orange with a blue ribbon around his neck,” you call in a sing-song voice toward the darkness.

Buggy returns to the light and comes close, only stopping once your noses – wait is that clown nose real? – are nearly touching. “Once they bring that stupid cat back, you’re answering any question I’ve got.”

“Whatever you say, captain,” you reply, smirking. With a final huff, he steps once more into the darkness. Initially, you were filled to the brim with fear, but seeing how much of an idiot this guy is puts you at ease. It takes roughly 30 minutes before you finally hear hissing and yowling in the distance. Atta boy, Mango. Give ‘em hell.

Another man, this one wearing a bear hood, steps into the light holding Mango out as far away from his body as possible. Bear-boy is clearly scratched to shit and relieved to finally be able to get this thing away from him. He drops your cat and dips back into the darkness as quickly as possible. Mango lets out another loud hiss before calming at the sight of you and trotting over to rest at your feet.

Buggy walks back up to you, clearly no less aggravated than he was earlier. “Now answer my questions, shithead! What were you doing to my men?” The nicknames are getting a little more aggressive now, huh?

You shoot him a dirty look and slowly choose your words while looking down to make sure your cat hasn’t been harmed. His tail is puffed out in anger, but he seems fine otherwise. “I was singing to them,” you reply matter-of-factly.

The clown’s face falls again, in stark contrast of the large, red smile painted onto his face. “Singing,” he repeats flatly. “You were singing.” It’s not even a question so much as a statement. The gears in his head start turning, and he mumbles to himself. “I figured it was a witch’s incantation or something. How does singing have any effect on my men?”

“It’s my devil fruit ability.” His face whips toward you. This clearly has his interest piqued. As fun as it would be to torment this clown, you just want to get out of these restraints, so you decide to give him the information he so clearly wants outright. “I ate the Hum-Hum fruit. I can control peoples’ emotions by singing to them.”

Licking his lips and smiling, Buggy stares at you even more intently now. “Show me.”

“Let me down first.” Bargaining might not be in your cards right now, but you decide it’s worth a shot. Surprisingly, the bold request pays off though, as the captain comes forward to undo your restraints. With him this close, you notice that he has a surprisingly nice floral scent.

“I’ll need an audience,” you say, rubbing your sore wrists once freed. With a nod, he looks into the darkness and jerks his head, motioning for several unseen crewmates to come closer. Scooping Mango up off the ground, you finally step out of the oppressive spotlight. It takes a minute for your eyes to fully adjust, but you take in the room. It’s more of a tent, really, with striped tarps set up and seating placed around the edge. Fitting, you suppose, for a circus clown to reside in a circus tent. Your eyes land on your small audience seated on the benches. It’s only four people, one of which is Bear-boy, now with gauze wrapped around his hands and forearms. Smiling back down at Mango, you give him some scritches under his chin, making him purr softly. What a good boy.

“Alright, doll. Go ahead.” Back to the nice nicknames now that he’s getting his way, it seems. Holding up your end of the bargain, you fulfill his request. This captain is a fool though, letting you freely use your ability. Once you’ve got them cowering again, you’re going to book it out of the tent. The big, cauliflower-eared guy can’t hear you, but you should still be able to outrun him.

As you start singing, the captain watches on with a large smile, looking back and forth between you and your audience. They laugh, then cry, then start yelling and throwing punches at each other. But… Why isn’t Buggy reacting? A gloved hand – a dismembered hand – flies forward and clasps your mouth shut. Holy shit! You jump back with wide eyes, but the hand follows. Looking back to the captain, you see that his smile has grown impossibly wide. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the audience scurry away. What the hell is he trying to pull? Eyeing him up and down you notice that his left arm ends in a stump. Wasn’t there a hand there before? The moment your eyes dart back up to his face a set of what appear to be ears comes flying toward him and pop back onto the sides of his head.

As much as you want to, your body is too frozen in fear to back away. The clown releases your mouth and the hand returns to him and pops onto the end of his arm. He laughs at your expression and circles you. “What, you think you’re the only person who’s ever eaten a devil fruit? I myself ate the Chop-Chop fruit.” Right before your eyes, his body breaks apart into a dozen pieces before reassembling. So that’s why he wasn’t affected by your ability. He can’t hear you if his ears are off somewhere else. “You can slice me, and you can dice me, but I will always put myself back together again.”

Klaus comes forward and grabs you by the arms, making Mango fall to the ground. He once again stands before your feet hissing at the captain in a feeble attempt to protect you. Buggy’s detached hand flies toward your cat grabbing him by the scruff and pulls him up toward his face. Mango writhes, trying to free himself to no avail.

“No!” you scream. “You leave him alone!”

That annoyingly perpetual smile remains plastered on Buggy’s face. Four daggers slide from his coat, one between each of his fingers, in a clear attempt to intimidate you. “Or what?” You have no answer for him. In ideal circumstances, you could influence him to lose interest in both you and your cat, but being bound by a big deaf guy seriously limits your chances of escape. The feelings of panic and despair from earlier are flooding back to you. Tears fall down your face.

 “I- I don’t know,” you admit with a small sob. “Please don’t hurt him. He’s all I have.”

Buggy’s smile falters for a moment at your begging. If you blinked, you would have missed it. Recovering his smile again, he taps the daggers against his chest, pretending to mull over your pleas. “Alright, I won’t.” He steps closer again, now inches away from you. “If you join my crew, that is. You could prove useful.”

You look up at him. His blue-green eyes – which are admittedly, the most beautiful you’ve ever seen – stare back at you intently. Inexplicably, there’s a flutter in your chest, but it’s quickly replaced with a hard drop as Mango lets out another yowl. “Okay,” you whisper, nodding. “I’ll join your crew. Just please give me back my cat.” He takes a step back and his hand comes forward to place Mango back into your arms. You hold your scared pet to your chest, stroking him in an attempt to soothe both him and yourself.

“Cabaji,” Buggy shouts, summoning a man with strange striped hair forward. “We just added another showstopping member to our crew. This is cause for celebration, don’t you think?” The man, Cabaji, nods and disappears into another room off the main tent. The clown turns to face you once more, his smile more subtle now. He grabs your arm and dismisses Klaus. For a split second, you consider taking this chance to run, but something tells you that your freedom would be short-lived. “I’m so happy you decided to join me, doll,” he says much more softly now. “You and your little friend there will make a nice addition to the show.”

Wrapping his arm around you, he steers toward the door that Cabaji left through moments ago. He leans down close to your ear, his breath tickling as he quietly states, “By the way, songbird. I’ve got a strict agreement with Mohji to not hurt cats.”

[gffa]

It’s been an entire week since I shoved a bunch of STAR WARS fic recs at everyone, but I’m back with more because this fandom is amazing and ones that are some real doozies, like, I inhaled some of this fic and absolutely needed to scream about it. Whether it’s time travel fic (so many good time travel recs holy crap) or throwing two random characters together (time traveling Cal as Obi-Wan’s padawan, I never knew I needed that in my life!) or good character pieces for those who deserve it (Mace Windu my beloved) or some absolutely feral Obi-Wan and Anakin dynamics or peeling back Anakin Skywalker’s character like an onion until you see all the fascinating complexity underneath or Jedi Order worldbuilding (I love those weird psychic space wizards so much), there’s a little something for everyone here, I hope. One thing I will always appreciate about this fandom is that, whatever else you might say about it, there are some tremendously talented people writing fic that makes me fall in love with the characters all over again, who bring comfort with their writing when we’re having a bad day or bad week, who brighten up the world just by being in it and sharing their crafts with us, who make my world better just by being there. People who love these silly characters from our shows just as much as I do and are having some fun out there and giving me a whole lot of feelings and even the occasional sexy times fic to make the day just that much more fun to get through. I may say this every time, but it always remains true, this list is just banger after banger for me, every one of these made my brain light up with joy or fizziness because it was so good and punched me right in the feelings or the fun, fritzing out my thoughts place, to the point that I cannot believe I have 45+ of them for just this one set! And I’ll have that same amount to do again next time! There are so many in my to-write-recs for pile! Because this fandom is just nuts with how amazing it is and I love everyone in this bar for it. STAR WARS FIC RECS: PREQUELS RECS: ✦ Unexpected Awakening (The Rewrite) by Rhiw, obi-wan & qui-gon & bruck & feemor & jaster & dooku & rael & cast, time travel, 127.9k wip    The life of General Kenobi is cut short at the hands of his Padawan, but the sight that greets his eyes upon awakening is not that of blinding light of the Force, but the Jedi Temple he knew when he was still a youth. As he struggles to understand the path laid out before him, Obi-Wan unwittingly captures the attention of a singularly unusual Temple Guard, and that of a reluctant Qui-Gon Jinn. ✦ Crazy Centaxday by Killbothtwins, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cody & padme & mace & palpatine & cast, body swap, 4.8k    Anakin and Obi-Wan are having an… out of body experience. Unfortunately, no one seems to be noticing. Fortunately, the Team’s weird shenanigans might be enough to save the galaxy in the end. Just why are Skywalker and Kenobi acting so out of character? ✦ A Jedi’s Cloak by ImperialKatwala, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & cody & rex & cast, 6.4k    Or: Jedi cloaks are weird. Here’s a series of events showing why they’re made that way. ✦ a distant fire is burning by e_va, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cal & cody & cast, time travel, 32.9k wip    Cal Kestis can move backwards in time (kinda-sorta-not really), and his confrontation with Darth Vader in the Fortress Inquisitorius plays out a lot differently. Fixing the timeline while stuck in his 10-year-old body will be quite the task, but Cal is up to it. He has to be. (Obi-Wan, Anakin, and the clone troopers have no idea what to make of Kenobi’s weird new padawan. At least the kid fits in, though.) ✦ all in mail, never clinking by calika, obi-wan & ahsoka, 2.9k    Of course, it’s only after she’s been thoroughly humbled by the deceptively slippery rocks and swallowed what feels like half the stream that her grandmaster, having arrived unnoticed, deigns to speak. ✦ Saving People Counts as Revenge, Right? by ImperialKatwala, dooku & obi-wan & anakin, time travel, 4.3k wip    Count Dooku of Serenno is an intelligent man. His methods may be a bit severe, and he may not be allowed true freedom to plan campaigns in the war he helped create, but he has always had an eye for strategy. Moving the pieces around the board and plotting out where they will need to be next. So, when he opens his eyes after Anakin Skywalker cut his head off, he knows to take a moment to assess what’s going on. ✦ eat well; be well by gingerbeer, rainsoaked_benevolence (oceans_bluem), obi-wan & ahsoka & mace & yoda & shaak & feemor & depa & quinlan & aayla & kanan & jedi cast, 18.6k    Or, Obi-Wan and his (almost full) family gathers to drink tea. ✦ Garberwool by Blue_Sunshine, obi-wan & anakin, 1k    Or: Old Ben Kenobi has a question. Young Obi-Wan Kenobi has a vision. And Darth Vader is left with… a robe. ✦ mazarine by maragny, anakin/aayla, NSFW, 3.6k    Anakin and Aayla take advantage of finally being on the same planet as each other. ✦ a soul that’s born in cold and rain/knows sunlight by Killbothtwins, obi-wan & qui-gon & anakin & cast, time travel, 43.4k    Obi-Wan Kenobi travels back in time to fix things. He also annoys a lot of people. ✦ Patterns Form and Feel Important (It Overwhelms the Nervous System) by ImperialKatwala, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cody & cast, 8.6k    Obi-Wan and his Padawans have been captured. Obi-Wan has been betrayed. Obi-Wan is dead. Obi-Wan is fighting his Padawan. Obi-Wan is being forced to turn on the people he loves. Obi-Wan is locked up and barely holding onto consciousness. All of these things are true. And yet only one of them is real. ✦ from the wild winds around you by gingerbeer, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cast, 2.3k    Or, the Mortis arc goes a little bit sideways. (It’s fine. Don’t worry.) ✦ Creché Duty by sadieadlersimp (ethantorchiomybeloved), anakin & grogu & cast, 1.3k    Anakin Skywalker gets put in charge of the toddlers while Yoda attends an emergency council meeting. Surely the Chosen One can handle a few toddlers, no? (Spoiler alert, he can’t.) ✦ On Hugs and Warm Blankets by moonlightpadawan, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cast, 1.3k    [or: Anakin’s reaction to pain meds leaves him acting overly affectionate.] ✦ Lightsaber Lesson by AdaliaK, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 3.1k    Anakin and Ahsoka’s relationship goes through some growing pains when Anakin disciplines Ahsoka by taking away her lightsaber. Obi-Wan is an amused bystander. ✦ Last Rites by Siri_Kenobi12, obi-wan & ahsoka & mace & cast, 3k    “I’m so sorry Ahsoka.” He said after a moment with a slight tremble in his voice. “I know from experience how it feels to have someone you love die in your arms. To feel them take their last breath…” Obi-Wan is back from the dead, he tries to help his Grand-Padawan through her grief. ✦ deep cuts by gigglesandfreckles, anakin & satine (referenced obi-wan/satine), 3.8k    [or: anakin ends up on a mission with satine, things are tense.] ✦ How to Train your Droid by hellowkatey, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & rex, 2.9k    A bored and michevious Anakin Skywalker is a recipe for something to go awry. After all, reprograming Artoo’s language core is a great idea for a prank… but it turns out, Artoo has a lot to say. OBI-WAN/ANAKIN RECS: ✦ Electric Love by thedeadparrot, obi-wan/darth vader, NSFW, 3.4k    Vader stepped forward, deeper into the cell, and reached out one hand. It pressed against Obi-Wan’s tunic, clean metal meeting dirty fabric. Vader’s suit only had the most rudimentary of sensors – he preferred to use the Force over his physical hands. But this was Obi-Wan Kenobi offered up for him, and nothing less than physical touch would do. ✦ Redolent of you by Himboskywalker, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, omegaverse, undercover mission, 15.5k wip    Anakin and Obi-Wan are sent on an undercover operation as an alpha and omega bonded pair in the middle of the Clone Wars. Someone on Cantonica is funneling credits to the Separatists, and it’s going to take infiltrating a top secret alpha-supremacist group of Core elites to find out who’s upping the financial ante of the entire war. This act of espionage is going to require some class A play at antiquated alpha and omega dynamics, only problem is Anakin has never submitted in his life and it’s certainly not within his nature,or so Obi-Wan thinks. ✦ tender like a bruise by stardies, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, omegaverse, 15k wip    In a stroke of desperation, Obi-wan mates Anakin Skywalker by force on the fiery planet of Mustafar to stop his Fall and save his life. Taken back to Coruscant and imprisoned, Anakin feels the senate’s pressure for justice, and Obi-wan, his mate and former mentor, is determined to give him another chance. ✦ Neutron star collision by thedunesea, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, 113k wip    In the aftermath of Order 66, Anakin Skywalker’s miraculous survival after his confrontation with the new Sith Apprentice Darth Vader ignites a sparkle of hope in the remaining Jedi, in the fledgling rebellion and, above all, in his former Master, who thought he had lost everything to darkness. But darkness is generous, and it is patient. ✦ How to Save a Galactic Republic Without Really Trying by Sharp_Tongue, obi-wan/anakin & mace & quinlan & cast, nsfw, time travel, 23.9k    After defeating Vader on a barren, nameless moon, Obi-Wan had let go of the past. But the past hadn’t let go of him. ✦ Heal Me, My Darling by wasureneba, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 12.4k    Anakin gets sick. Obi-Wan takes care of him. For two weeks. Alone. ✦ Suckerpunch by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 13.6k    In this universe, Obi-Wan goes to check on Anakin about Clovis after Anakin’s violent altercation with his rival, instead of before, and everything changes. Padmé has already kicked him out for scaring her, and he’s in a crisis of loneliness and grief. He breaks down, and Obi-Wan is there to pick up the pieces, even if the weight of Anakin’s crimes is too heavy to imagine. ✦ Slow Learner by Is0lde, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 12.6k    Four times Anakin tried to fit Obi-Wan’s big dick inside him and one time he managed it. ✦ Hold Fast by Ripki, obi-wan/anakin & padme & cast, nsfw, time travel, 41.4k    The Republic and the Jedi Order have fallen, people everywhere facing a dark future. His world shattered, Obi-Wan tries to change the fate of the whole galaxy – and not least because he cannot let go of the man he loves. But will Anakin hinder or help him? ✦ Baby, It’s Halloween (And We Can Be Anything) by secretsolarsystem, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, modern au, 5.3k    Anakin goes to his office’s annual Halloween party, looking hot as hell and fully intending to get drunk with his work friends. He can hardly enjoy himself, though, seeing as his work crush never comes to the office parties. ✦ For He, too, is King by MayMeows, obi-wan/anakin & padme & cast, NSFW, historical au, 7.7k    “I am here to present myself to the man who now calls himself King of my people.” ✦ pure uncomplicated love by TheSopherfly, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, modern au, 4.2k    Hours before he’s due to arrive at Open Circle Studios’ annual celebration, screen actor Anakin Skywalker finds out that his ex, Obi-Wan Kenobi, will be in attendance. Anakin wishes he could be angry—but all he wants is for Obi-Wan to take him back. ✦ Fever by dirkygoodness, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, nyanakin, 3.5k    Obi-Wan wakes up to a cuddly (Ny)Anakin and is met with something he isn’t expecting. He’s going to have to deal with it though. And enjoy himself as he does. ✦ Hooked on You by whohatessand, obi-wan/anakin & padme & bail, NSFW, modern au, infidelity, 5.2k    With his wife’s approaching senatorial election, Anakin Skywalker tries desperately to be the perfect husband she needs. Little does Padmé know, her husband has been sleeping with her campaign manager, Obi-Wan Kenobi, for quite a while now. ✦ The Same Cloth (in foreign stars) by Himboskywalker, obi-wan/anakin & dooku & quinlan & cody & rex, NSFW, historical au, 11.1k wip    Welcome to 18th century Scotland, the only thing Anakin likes here is Obi-Wan Kenobi in a kilt. ✦ such selfish prayers (and i can’t get enough) by decideophobia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, ~1k    He keeps taking whatever Anakin offers him: takes it with possessive hands, a greedy heart and a gluttonous soul, and the dying embers of a guilty conscience. ✦ sail through the deep, the dark of space by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, space pirates au, 2.7k    They slipped in and out with the Empire none the wiser. Well, it was more like they crashed in and out with the Empire a lot the wiser, but in the end it was really the same thing—not that Anakin expected Obi-Wan would see it that way. ✦ Of Devotion and Defilement by al_mp4, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, punishment, 5.3k    Anakin Skywalker wants to be good, to be useful, yet it seems he can only beg for pleasures he doesn’t deserve. ✦ Prompted - Chapter 21: Beer and Paint by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, 6.1k    Artists AU, drunk sex. ✦ and when you look at me, the weight of how i feel is heavy on me by brahe, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & mace & depa & cast, nsfw, 37.9k    5 times Anakin asks Obi-Wan to marry him, and one time Obi-Wan asks ✦ stay til the dawn, i’ll give you the sun by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, royal!obi-wan, 40.2k    Jedi Anakin Skywalker crashes in a field on the planet Stewjon. Out of respect for the Jedi Order, King Kenobi takes a personal interest in his recovery…especially when they accidentally form a Force bond, scant hours after Kenobi alerts the Jedi Council to Skywalker’s presence so they can come retrieve their Jedi. But if Anakin can’t remember who he is, is he really still their Jedi? What’s stopping him from being Obi-Wan’s? ✦ short shallow gasps by mysticmjolnir, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, d/s, spanking, daddy kink, 4.9k    Obi-Wan gets surprised by Anakin when he comes home from work. ✦ illicit affairs by Urgirl415, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 2.2k    Anakin needs something that Obi-Wan is more than willing to provide. Even if it means having his doorbell rung in the middle of the night. Or, Anakin cheats on Padme with Obi-Wan. Regularly. ✦ baby teeth by stardies, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, omegaverse, 8.2k    During a mission, Anakin runs out of suppressants. Obi-wan Kenobi is called in to tend to his former padawan. ✦ His Hands by Aariel, obi-wan/darth vader, NSFW, 4.3k    Vader’s in his bacta tank, and as usual, he’s angry, hurting, and miserable. Fortunately, force-projection!Obi-Wan is “on hand” to offer Vader some much-needed relief. ✦ Dough or Doughnut, There is No Rye by edge_of_night, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & cast, modern au, 4k    Obi-Wan stops in a local bakery on his way to work for some fresh-baked bread and walks out in love with a very talented baker. ✦ eat, sleep, wake (nothing but you) by decideophobia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 6.7k    Obi-Wan twists his fingers inside him, pressing, pressing, and Anakin jolts with pleasure the exact same moment when an entirely different kind of noise rips through the room. A stomach growling. His stomach growling. Aggressively. FULL DETAILS + RECS HERE

[independent-fics]

Inde watches “The Tower Job”

Leverage Redemption 1x04

The description warns about recent events affecting the viewers and if I remember correctly when redemption first aired it was right around the Miami(?) apartment collapse. Dang. 

Listen let Harry take initiative on this one okay.

“So she thinks she has taste” I love you Breanna

I love Parker dropping in more

And Breanna just being like I can just have the plans? She wants to steal so bad

Ahhhhh I love Eliot and Parker standing so close. And the klingon I can’t those nerds and the smile Parker has hehehe now Eliot’s grumpy again and she loves it

10 million hurts my brain too Breanna

Eliot’s head shake at her French hahaha I love them

Why is the wife and driver giving affair

“Because my American accent is better than yours” honestly I wanna explore Parker’s language mannerisms (? Idk if that’s the word I’m looking for)

Harry I love your enthusiasm. There isn’t rules just guidelines haha

Also Sophie’s fit is so nice

Parker I too am uncomfortable in business clothes

Idk which pair is having more fun Harry and Sophie being annoying or Eliot and Breanna destroying things

Off brand European tranquilizers goodness gracious

Nooooo Harry not you being in on the first lawsuit

“Your screwups make me look good” once again Breanna I love you

“The man’s trying to make amends I respect that” ugh Eliot my heart

Parker once again on the ceiling I love you. Reminded of Hardison always finding her places with rafters

Oooo Eliot love you suggesting the play of the con

Love Breanna and Harry being newbies supporting each other

The way I screamed with Breanna’s character

I love them all supporting Breanna’s art and then just Eliot’s “WHERE.” I LOVE THEM

Mrs Crawlys “I did a year at college of art” is like my “I did a study abroad” 😭 I’m sorry but I get her

Love Harry and contract law hehehe

“We never say no to parties” I love her and how foreboding that sounded and now I’m thinking about every other party the original leverage team invaded hehehe

Oh goodness not Parker knocking Breanna out hahaha but love Eliot helping her up. I’m only four episodes in but I’m desperate for new team old team bonding

Harry and Parker begging for the safe I love them

Eliot absolutely hating the kissing up he just had to do hahah I love him

THERE IS AN AFFAIR

Not Eliot’s lack of tipping annoyance reminded hahaha

Okay I am loving learning more about Harry and the changes he’s making. I get the doing your job and doing it well because who doesn’t want to do that but then realizing it’s not something that you want to be doing.

“We’re not heroes. We’re just necessary”

“ Sophie Parker Hardison and Nathan ford showed me there was another way” ugh Eliot my beloved but HA PARKER IN THE BOX

Wait I love Parker’s fit

Lil Bucky hehehe

“Wow Harry was a good bad guy” yeah Breanna he was I might be taking notes because I gotta retire one day

“I’ll go find some chopsticks” girl

I am also taking notes from Breanna dang

HARRY KEEP IT TOGETHER

“And you’re not graded on a curve Mrs Casey” dang

Oh gosh nvm as someone who also sometimes experiences vertigo get that remote away from me

I love Sophie narrating this whole thing as a show

Breanna putting on the headphones with that evil smile I love haha

BREANNA YES I TOO AM A CHEERLEADER WHEN ELIOT FIGHTS I love her enthusiasm so much and narrating. Eliot don’t deny it you’re flipping the sticks to show off

As much as I love leverage they do have a couple of iffy episodes where they really cause some trauma like wow I’m rooting for Harry rn

That chute thing would terrify me but I love that Parker is loving it

Love them buying the tower

Gosh the change in Harry from being in the first lawsuit to protecting the victims in the next

“It’s not every day someone gets a little piece of their soul back” ugh this was good

[hermajestytak]

You know, there's nothing better than finding songs that fit your ship, so I'll start making a note here when I find a song that fits a ship

Starting a thread on ZaSR my beloved

Songs will be added to this playlist as I build it up:

[Feel free to add/suggest your own]

Today, we're starting with all the STARSET songs that fit them!

Note that these songs have their own meanings and narratives, this is just a ship specific reading of them. Think of it like a jukebox musical cherry-picking lyrics to fit the story: a ZaSR Mama Mia of sorts

[1] It Has Begun

[Either POV]

This one's relatively simple: since Zim and Skoodge are the same age, they've been training to be soldiers alongside each other since smeethood. Despite their difference is, a major connection they have is that they're both invaders; their mutual goal is to bring planets to their knees.

This one can be an anthem for numerous experiences and milestones they've had:

Their attempted escape together from the underground and Zim seeing the surface for the first time

Their graduation from the underground and their first true emergence

Their stages of training on their way to becoming invaders (their elite soldier training, invader training, the Devastis test, etc)

The start of Operation Impending Doom II when they both get their major missions and go their separate ways again

The conquering of Blorch and

The eventual conquering of Earth

Even a well lit place, can hide salvation A map to a one man maze that never sees the sun Where the lost are the heroes And the thieves are left to drown But everyone knows by now Fairy-tales are not found They are written in the walls As we walk in a straight line Down in the dirt with a landslide approaching But nothing could ever stop us From stealing our own place in the sun We will face the odds against us And run into the fear we run from (ah, ah) It has begun Into the dark below Evading shadows Blind in a rabbit's hole We fall beneath the earth And watch the shell come unraveled As the seed begins to rise Embracing a starlit fate as we wait in the night It's written in the walls ... It has begun (ah, ah) It has begun (ah, ah) It has begun (ah, ah) It has begun (ah, ah) It has begun

[2] Telescope

[Skoodge's POV]

This one's inspired by how Skoodge traveled countless miles from the Irken Empire's territory all the way to Earth just to live with Zim.

You’re out there I hear you calling from behind The star fields I feel you Radiating energy like Eternal northern lights Far from the sun Where no one knows I’ve watched you from My telescope I will travel The distance in your eyes Interstellar Light years from you Supernova We’ll fuse when we collide Awaking in the light Of all the stars aligned ... I will find you I will find you I will find you! I will find you!

[3] Die For You

[Skoodge's POV]

A bit more of a serious sounding pick, this one's just a promise from Skoodge to Zim that no matter how many times they're separated and how many times Zim screws up, he'll still be his lifelong companion from their smeethood up to the day that Zim finally conquers the Earth. Skoodge has a very strong kindness and loyalty in his character (uhhh rat extermination aside), so I love associating this song with him.

I will run alone tonight Without you by my side I guess you had a place you had to get to I know your eyes, I know inside The walls you hide behind And I saw the truth inside the real you Because I know you're lost when you run away Into the same black holes and black mistakes Taking all my will just to run alone When are you coming home? Even if the sky does fall Even if they take it all There's no pain that I won't go through Even if I have to die for you And when all the fires burn When everything is overturning There's no thing that I won’t go through Even if I have to die for you ... One day the Earth will open wide And I’ll follow you inside 'Cause the only hell I know is without you Some day when galaxies collide We'll be lost on different skies I will send my rocket ship to find you ... And if the sun grows cold for you along the way And if the stars don’t line to light the way And when you fall away and crash back down below I’ll search the skies for you and I’ll follow I'll be in your afterglow And I’ll bring you home

Fun Fact: I made an animation going for my favorite part of this song!

[4] PERFECT MACHINE

[Zim's POV]

Our first song that I pin onto Zim!

TBH, not all of the lyrics fit that well (unless you subscribe to the "Zim's ego is all an act" reading). The main reason it's here is because at first, I can't imagine Zim seeing a romantic relationship or partnership as anything but a transaction: I do what you want and in return, I get validation and praise from you. After all, this is his relationship with authority figures like the Almighty Tallest.

However, in this romantic scenario, he truly does love Skoodge; the problem is Zim can't honestly admit it. He wants to hide it to be the perfect Irken soldier, but it slips. He'll deny that it slips, but it slips anyway. Unfortunately for him, Skoodge knows him too well to be convinced by him lying about it.

Oh yeah and Zim can't fathom the idea of somebody loving him unconditionally because 1. that's not really a concept in the Irken empire, 2. he's been rejected and brushed aside so many times, and 3. he's an evil little shit, why the HELL would someone genuinely love him?!

Show me your insides, show me your secrets Show  me what you desire - I can fake it Show  what you wanted, so I can be it And if I bend just right, I can make it I didn't want you I  wanna watch you change from a butterfly and into chains Lay  your heart into my perfect machine I will show you what you wanted to see Just  a mirror till I get what I need The reverie was not of me You never saw nothing Never saw nothing I'm  just a liar without deceiving I'm just a broken clown make-believing I should've let you know, you should've ran for cover I'm just a parlor trick, a two-bit counterfeit ... Even you know, even you know This was all for nothing Just a sad show, just an ego I suppose though, as far as I know We were both pretending I suppose so But what do I know? Even you know, even you know This was all for nothing Just a sad show, just an ego I suppose though, as far as I know We were both pretending I suppose so But what do I know?

[5] LEAVING THIS WORLD BEHIND

[Mixed POV]

Finally, we have the current closer of the playlist: LEAVING THIS WORLD BEHIND

This one comes from my headcanon that the reason Skoodge offers his help to Zim after conquering Blorch is so that they can both retire as invaders and live together for the rest of their days somewhere far, far away.

Ironically, if Zim becomes Earth's ruler, he inevitably leaves it. An official Nick Magazine comic shows a timeline where Zim finally rules Earth only to quickly grow frustrated with humanity and ditch it to drink soda and ride space bunnies with Dib. In the Oni comics timeline, Emperor Zim willingly delivers Earth to the Tallest so they can cut it in half and use it as a snack bowl. My headcanon for Skoodge's plan and this song's inclusion are based upon futures like those.

Beautiful, new frontier High above the rain in the atmosphere What wonders I have discovered My soul is everclear Never felt the way I do with you here I hope there's never another So sing tonight, we're everbright Burning through space, I see your face I could beat kryptonite We're so alive, forever high Hold on, my dear, there'll be no fear Leaving this world behind (This world behind) Far away, above the earth We'll soar through the curvature Away from all our dark matters And escape the barriers That we’ve manufactured Going into the hereafter And I'll wait if you take forever long I'll listen for your song Leaving this world behind (Leaving this world behind) All good things Must come to pass Now is your time

[azure-firecracker]

5, 28, 30, 38

This is from this ask game. Feel free to send more!

5) Share one of your strengths.

I have a hard time doing this since I’m not always the most confident writer in the world, but I think I’m really good at mixing philosophy with writing. One of my favorite things to do is explore characters’ belief systems and their morals, what they view as right and good and natural, and I think I’ve gotten good at portraying that through writing. Specifically I think I’ve gotten really good at writing about Mulder’s self-sacrificial complex, and I’m also proud of how I wrote Scully’s relationship with miracles in Caught on Tape and her views on the symbiotic nature of her and Mulder’s partnership in Piece Me Together.

28) Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Only three?!?! This fandom has so so many talented writers! But I’ll try.

@california-112 just finished their October ficlet series, and I highly recommend checking it out. They’re fantastic at all genres, but I especially love all of their hurt/comfort oneshots and there are PLENTY to be found! They’re so multitalented, you’ll find something in the series for everyone. I’ll link it here.

@baronessblixen is a staple in this fandom, so I’m sure I don’t need to explain, but I call her the queen of fluff for a reason. I cannot write fluff at all, so every time I read her work I am in awe of how she’s able to make me feel so good and floaty without being over the top or saccharine. She’s also hilarious! And though she dabbles less in angst, the few fics I’ve read where she has have been fantastic!

Here’s two of my favorites by her.

Finally we have @thursdayinspace who needs no introduction. From angst to fluff, there’s nothing they can’t write, and reading one of their fics is a guaranteed good experience. These are the fics I will remember for weeks to come and reread over and over again. I can’t speak to any of their explicit stuff bc that’s not my thing personally, but I know it’s pretty beloved in the fandom, so do check it out if it’s your thing!

Here’s a few of my favorites but I recommend all of their stuff!

And even though she’s on a TXF hiatus right now, shout-out to @theswisscheeserag ! My favorite mutual beta reader who never fails to make me laugh. She is actually the funniest writer ever but her stuff is also deeply poignant. All of her stuff is fantastic, but Redial will always be one of my favorites.

30) Do you accept prompts?

ALWAYS! What I do NOT accept are time-sensitive prompts because I am a busy college student and will not make promises I don’t know I can keep. HOWEVER I absolutely adore getting prompts and if you send me a prompt it will absolutely make my day always and forever.

38) Talk about a review that made your day.

Every review makes my day! The fact that people are actually reading my work shocks me daily (in the best way).

But @emmiebea left a comment on Raise Your Voices that really made my day, because they said that they actually follow the folk music links I include with each chapter and have been enjoying them. That just made me SO happy because it means that at least one person knows more folk music than they did before because of what I wrote, and that just makes me over the moon🌙

Seriously though. I love all of you❤️

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

a/n: you made it through the character and magic guides, the wiki page and even the reddit post and i hope you had fun doing it! my goal was to make the first few things feel like you were an actual player for seraphim even if it is a bs otome game for a genshin fanfic while also getting the exposition dump out of the way so it doesn’t bog down the actually written chapters. so while you don’t have to read it all, it certainly helps add to the experience i think!

TAGLIST (ask to be added or removed):  @etherisy​

Bold couldn’t be tagged.

prologue; fuck hard mode masterlist | next chapter

“You’re combing too hard,” you tell the maid tersely.

The maid smiles but there is an unmistakable mirth in her eyes at your pain, “I’ve been with my lady for years now,” she coos, voice sickeningly sweet. “I know how you like your hair to be combed best.” 

So [First] tolerated this too? 

Even when this world was nothing but an amusing game for you to pass the time, when trinkets of information like this appeared in Hard Mode it always amazed you. [First] was a cruel antagonist and yet she’d easily tolerate the mistreatment of her father’s duchy in the same breath. But you can’t bring yourself to sneer at her; not then and especially not now. “Yes, well people can change,” you shoot the maid a sharp look in the mirror. “Comb my hair gently. If you still need critiques, I’ll be happy to demonstrate your performance. Take a seat here, I’ll comb your hair and show you as an example.”

“T-that isn’t necessary at all, my lady! I’ll comb in a manner you find more enjoyable,” the maid stammers and you hum in satisfaction.

The hell was wrong with the sadists that made this game, you fumed. Fucking sexists. Scaramouche gets a tragic backstory and gets to live in Normal Mode because he’s a pretty boy but [First] has to die in all the endings?!

Or be miserable, another part of yourself reminds you and you can barely hold back a grimace.

[First]’s marriage to Diluc when the player chooses a Secret Love Interest isn’t anything close to a happy ending.

You close your eyes and hold back a sigh. When you proudly declared on twitter that you would be trying to finally beat Seraphim’s Hard Mode, this isn’t what you meant. But apparently the gods of the Isekai genre and the reckless driver that hit you with their car had other ideas.

When you open your eyes, it isn’t your face that stares back at you.

Of course it was the Villainess.

It’s never the main character. You’re no Lumine.

It’s rarely a side character. You’re definitely no Raeliana.

It’s always, always the Villainess. I salute thee, otome isekai protagonists of anime and manhwas past.

You closed your eyes again.

“You must be excited to see Lord Ragnvindr at the luncheon today, my lady,” the maid pulls you out of your silent resignation and you feel your anger flaring all over again.

“Oh yes, I certainly am, he’s my beloved after all,” you offer what you hope is the face of a woman in love. Your maid gasps as if she just saw the devil incarnate instead. Fuck him, this is all his fault. No I’m not being irrationally mad at the wrong person.

Who cared if Diluc used to be your favorite love interest when you were just a teen on her first playthrough of a new and popular otome game, Seraphim. He definitely kick started your love for long-haired anime men and his princely vows of eternal love to Lumine made your eyes water when you watched the cutscene.

Yes, he did all those things but only after he publicly humiliated his fiancée by dumping her in front of all of high society. Diluc then killing [First] after she justifiably freaked out was just the icing on the cake.

When you began your first attempt at Hard Mode, your heart went out for the lonely little girl who only wanted to be loved but only received scorn in return. You wanted her to reach a happy ending with even just one of the characters in the version of the game that took place before Lumine appeared on the scene.

But this is my life now, you open your eyes once more and take in what you can see of the room’s reflection in the mirror.

A large and spacious bedroom, cluttered with potted plant after potted plant. Monsteras, philodendrons, succulents were among the various plants to grace this space. This room was [First]’s heaven on Earth in the duchy. She tended to each plant daily, lovingly imaging the day she could leave the wretched estate behind for a life with the one she fell in love with all those years prior.

But this is my life now, you reaffirm. And like hell am I gonna go begging for crumbs if I’m stuck here.

You deserve better than that.

[First] deserved better than that.

Fuck Hard Mode.

If this was your life now, there was no way you were going to play by the rules.

If no one wanted [First] around then fine. 

You will happily leave.

next chapter; the luncheon masterlist | next chapter

[siennafrxst]

↳ cassiopeia 𖤐𓈒࣪₊˚

pairing: loki laufeyson x female reader

universe: mcu

cw: anticlimactic angst, eventual fluff

word count: 1.5k words

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

“Okay, let’s get out of here.”

Loki and Y/N swiftly exit the gathering, leaving behind no evidence of the havoc they had just wreaked.

Even though everyone (especially Thor, Odin, and Frigga) knew the particular duo that would be insane enough to execute an equally insane plan, that never stopped them from continuing to do so. Even after the multiple times they’ve been thrown and locked away into cages like wild animals, it was worth it. Wrecking formal gatherings were practically Loki and Y/N’s most beloved tradition. And whenever they did, the mess they’d cause would always work to give them enough time to get away from the boring event. Besides, you can’t deny that it never fails to spice things up.

Chuckling to themselves, the two Asgardians continue to disappear from the crime scene and eventually head out into the quiet night.

“That never gets old,” Y/N confesses with a grin plastered on her face.

Loki returns a similar smile, nodding in agreement. “I don’t quite think I’ll ever get tired of doing that.”

“Of course you won’t, you’re the God of Mischief. It’s what makes you—well, you.”

He chuckles softly once more at her statement, staring into her eyes for a brief moment before examining the bewitching, starry night.

“The sky has quite a lot of stars to offer us tonight.”

Y/N follows his gaze and looks up, the many balls of light shining luminously unto them.

“What constellations can you spot?”

“I see… Cassiopeia, right over there.”

He points a finger towards the formation of stars as she nods, discerning the said constellation.

“Do you know the myth behind it?” she questions in curiosity.

Loki gives her a knowing look, raising his eyebrows. “Of course I do — what do you think of me?”

She rolls her eyes at his arrogance. “Enough with the cocky act and just answer the question. I know you want to.”

He lets out a scoff, momentarily gazing back into the mesmerizing constellation before telling the story. “Cassiopeia was a stunning yet boastful queen who claimed that she and her daughter, Andromeda, were the most beautiful creatures to exist, which includes the Nereids. They were insulted by her assertion, and so they made Poseidon punish her for it. But, the only way to prevent him from doing so was if she gave up her own daughter to a sea monster. Cassiopeia selfishly agreed, however, she would later on make a deal with a man named Perseus, promising to rescue Andromeda in return for her hand in marriage. Unfortunately, when he managed to rescue her, Cassiopeia attempted to break her promise with him. But, Andromeda and Perseus fought for their love, so on the day of their wedding, Cassiopeia ordered Agneron and his army to stop them. In the end, Perseus managed to use Medusa’s beheaded skull and turn everyone to stone. And so, the happy couple got their happy ending. The end.”

A soft smile forms on Y/N’s face, noticing the glimmer of excitement hiding behind his emerald green eyes. Loki was never one to show much interest in — well — anything, so seeing him enthusiastic in a certain topic (other than pulling pranks on Thor) was a nice change. It was a side of him that she rarely got to see, but when she did, she loved every second of it.

“You know, if all else fails, you would be an excellent astrology professor.”

Loki rolls his eyes at her sarcastic remark. “Hilarious,” he replies in a deadpan tone.

Y/N chuckles softly, her face perking up promptly as she recalls something. “Hey, isn’t there a nebula within Cassiopeia?”

Loki nods. “Right, the Heart Nebula. Which, you can tell by its name, represents…”

Loki held back, reluctant to say the word he never believed could be real. A feeling that he was sure he would never experience again.

Until he met her.

“Love,” she finishes in a soft tone, her eyes immediately finding his.

They both may have been almost a thousand years old, but they were still completely oblivious when it came to that one, cliche emotion. That one emotion that was arguably the most powerful one, though neither of them knew it at that time. That one emotion that drew the two Asgardians closer, clueless to the reason behind it. Despite almost being complete opposites, like fire and ice, something made them fight for what they had. Something bigger than they realized.

They were just too naive to know what it was. Until one of them would eventually crack the code.

“Loki… there’s something I need to confess.”

He sharply inhales, already having an inane idea on where this may lead. But for some reason… he didn’t want to stop her.

“Go on.”

She sighs. “Well, I’m grateful for our unlikely friendship. Despite our years of constant fighting and petty rivalry, we managed to get over that and become… whatever it is we are, exactly.”

He hums softly, signaling for her to continue.

“But… I can’t ignore this feeling that I’ve been feeling for the past few years. This feeling that I’ve never felt in my entire existence, but… I think I have a solid idea on what it might be — as cliche as that may sound. I don’t know how to put it in words, I just — it’s just this feeling I get whenever I’m with you, and I like it.” She sighs once more, seemingly expaserated. “Look, I’ve never done this before, but, what I’m trying to say is…”

Her mouth was left agape, but no words fell out of it. She could only stare desperately into his eyes, begging for him to interupt her at any moment. But to no avail. Loki simply stood before her, completely dumbfounded with what she was telling him. And yet she couldn’t read his face. She couldn’t tell if he felt the same way, or if he was utterly disgusted, or if he had even understood the words coming out of her mouth. Truth be told, she didn’t quite understand the nonsense she was spewing out either. But it was better than having to keep her mouth shut about what she was feeling. Because she knew that one way or another, she had to let him know. Let him know his effect on her. Let him know the way he was making her feel. Let him know how much he means to her.

But in this very moment — his silence, the void state on his face — it made her want to take all her words back. She’s never been more vulnerable to anyone else before. Maybe she was just making a fool out of herself, opening herself up to the literal God of Mischief. Maybe that was a mistake on her part. But this feeling she’s been feeling for the past few years… it was no mistake. She knew that it meant something. It had to.

Muttering up the strength again, she finally broke the silence.

“Are you really just going to stand there and make me have to finish my sentence?” she questions, almost scoffing.

And to her surprise, he nodded.

“Yes. Yes, I will. Because I want to hear the exact words come out of your mouth. And I want to hear you mean it.”

Loki stepped closer towards her as she was left astonished, not expecting that kind of response from him. But, even if he hadn’t, she knew that she needed to say it.

“Fine. Then…”

She momentarily closes her eyes — having him watch her like this was driving her insane. But when she opened her eyes once more, she was met with the same, desperate eyes she was wearing just a few seconds ago. As though he was longing for her to say it. As though he had been waiting for as long as she did to act upon their feelings. And that was all the courage she needed to keep going.

“…I think I’m in love with you.”

In an instant, Loki brought their faces together and kissed her lips, not wasting another second with her.

And for a moment there, time seemed to have stopped. All sense of meaning and logic just disappeared when their lips touched. The two grasped and held onto each other, scared to let go of one another only to realize that it was all just a dream.

When the two finally pulled apart breathlessly, they stay in that singular moment of silence — the rustling of the wind, the muffled chatter from a far distance, the soft yet comforting breathing coming from them both. Their foreheads still connected, they stay in each other’s presence, processing what had just happened. Processing their emotions, the decisions they made tonight. Everything that led to right now.

Until they finally opened their eyes, gazing into one another for one more second before Loki broke the silence.

“I think I’m in love with you, too.”

And just like that, the stars in the night sky weren’t the brightest thing in the universe anymore. It was the smiles that formed on their faces in this very moment.

after more than 3 months, I finally got the motivation to write something for loki. very timely as well since the loki series 2 trailer just came out. I miss him so much why’d they have to kill him off.

likes and reblogs are vv appreciated.

[unrealisticlea]

I never badmouthed season 6 while it was airing and I always went into episodes thinking “I’m gonna take what’s good and ignore everything else” and I always blogged what I liked and shut up about what I didn’t like (except the sperm donor storyline, I bitched about it all the time, fuck that shit) but now that I have nothing but praise for 911 season 7 I gotta get this off my chest: SEASON 6 WAS BAD!!! IT WAS SO BAD I DECIDED TO STOP WATCHING 911 AFTER THE GODDAMN AWFUL FINALE!!! The only good things were HenRen Begins, “Mom brought two kids into the marriage, you brought one”, Madney Proposal and 6x13!!! And THAT’s IT!!! I was bored out of my mind half of the time and appalled at the nonsense choices the other half!!! I fucking SKIPPED scenes!!! I’ll never forgive them for making me skip scenes IN MY FAVOURITE SHOW!!! Everything was immediately forgettable, I couldn’t tell you a single thing that changed the characters in a meaningful way!!! They fucking MURDERED Buck and did nothing with it!!! There was no Josh or Sue or Linda!!! dispatch was completely forgotten! The Jinx 2.0 episode was the episode where Eddie had the most screentime and nothing happened!!! They had a WHOLE EPISODE where Buck and Eddie were married and raising Chris together and 2 episodes later they had Bobby tell Eddie “you are a lonely single dad and I feel bad for you”!!! I hate that Chim lost the ring!!! I hated Danny’s father!!! I hated the Han and Buckley parents redemption arcs!!!! I hated Tia Pepa sending Eddie on dates!!! I hated that 6x11 had both Thunder by Imagine Dragons and Fix You by Coldplay!!! It was supposed to be most heart-wrenching episode and it felt like I was watching glee! And don’t get me started on whatever the fuck they were doing with Buck. Seriously, what the fuck were they doing with Buck??? They kept setting up life-changing experiences for him and they always went nowhere!He wanted to be enough to become Captain. He wanted to find happiness. And instead they took away his couch and gave him a dumb book about always saying yes, a bunch of cum jokes and old friends who really drove home the fact he’s only good for spare parts. They told us explicitly he was suicidal and they just made him chase and date a death doula about that!!! They put him through the worst things they could think of and he somehow ended up exactly where he started!!! The pacing was weird, they kept picking up storylines and then dropping them and then wrapping them like 3 episodes later in 5 minutes! The calls were absolutely forgettable! There was no big emergency! They kept pairing characters in weird ways and supposedly best friends went months without so much looking at each other! The finale was an high stakes emergency for like ten seconds! And the fact that it was supposed to be the last episode ever makes everything worse because it means that they wanted to end the entire show with everyone on its own, no firefam, just a bunch of republican nuclear families! How do you make the last episode ever of a 6 seasons tv show so boring that during the same week Lone Star murdered a beloved recurring character and my first thought was “well. At least something happened in this show!”.

that’s it. I’m done. I’ll never speak of this season again. Returning to normal posting about how I love everything and everyone.

[joys-of-everyday]

I just watched ContraPoint’s Twilight and so clearly, I need to write about BL. She even told me too! (2:42:40)

Firstly, if you know anyone who goes “why is BL so xxx (derogatory)”, this is an excellent video to point them to. Yes, it’s 3 hours long. That is how thoroughly it defends BL Twilight.

Secondly, I don’t particularly want to discuss whether I agree or not with the finer details of every statement Natalie makes. In broad strokes, it is an excellent video.

I hope from point 1, 2 it’s clear that I don’t want to reiterate too much that the video covers, so if you have time to do anything, I recommend going to watch it. That being said, I think there are interesting points to go deeper with the slightly different perspective of BL, so I’ll jot down some loose thoughts.

DHSM

So apparently… Twilight is yaoi coded? I’ve never watched or read Twilight in my life so maybe I’ve been sold the wrong impression.

Yaoi, and then BL, has always been constructed on narratives of power and its subversions. Pio makes an excellent post here linking to a neat interview which covers, from a different perspective to Natalie (who focuses on straight romance), some of the conversations around power and fantasy.

Natalie defines a framework in which this narrative exists: Default Heterosexual Sado-Masochism, or DHSM (1:26:47). This is a series of dichotomies that are often associated to each other: masculine, active, subject, lover, dominant, top… vs feminine, passive, object, beloved, submissive, bottom… Yes. It’s seme vs uke, gong vs shou. The criticism and defense of such narratives have been well-trodden, and Natalie gives a good account. I’ll leave that for now.

What I find interesting, and what Natalie mentions, is the natural scope of BL to subvert DHSM itself. Notable is the myriad of tropes that seek to subvert the common dichotomy – the feminine seme, the muscular uke, the younger seme, and so on, so forth. Or works where both parties play the roles of gong and shou – WWX’s active pursual of LWJ’s affections… hell, almost the whole of MDZS is LWJ being reactive to what WWX does, flipping the dynamic in its entirety.

But I think that even in its most standard, vanilla DHSM version of BL is already subversive of these expectations. The almost infamous “but I’m a man!” uttered so often by the uke when faced with the affections of a man (wow, gayness, how terribly exciting) can be interpreted as mild homophobia, yes, but it occurs to me now that it is a subtle marker of agency. The uke is surprised to be the object of desire. And thus we learn that object/beloved is disjoint from womanhood, even if the work doesn’t go as far as to untangle it from femininity.

Is that surprise in itself referencing the default view that men are not objects of desire (women are), and therefore problematic? Who knows. Then again, it do be the case that you can’t comment on a thing without presenting the thing. (*cough* Scum Villain *cough*)

Ah Power

“Is it really fine though?” says Natalie, halfway thought the video. (1:23:07)

I’ve defended BL to the moon and back. I still would. But always there is a little person sat in the back of my mind reminding me of all the moments I cringed. The overwhelming DHSM, the casual misogyny, the slightly bizarre takes queerness… Don’t get me wrong, there exist BL works flying in egalitarian gay space communism, and BL isn’t like… uniquely bad among media despite the frequent bashing it gets (have you watched the average shonen?). But I like BL. That’s why I know intimately all the issues it has.

My gay male friends tell me that BL often disappoints them because it’s not reflective of their experiences. Fair enough. I think a lot of BL (by the nature of what it is) is on the whole reflective of female (and Asian) experiences/perspectives. While I have no intention of telling anyone what they can and can’t write, it… idk, feels strange, that so much of society’s perspective on gay men (overwhelmingly so in Asia, and increasingly so in the West) is shaped by… not gay men.

Food for thought.

Another question that sometimes strikes my darkest hours is… why yaoi and not yuri? Why BL and not GL? Well it turns out that a lot of women (the main target audience, if you weren’t aware by now) are into men (Surprise!), so I guess that’s not particularly surprising. Then again, it seems reasonable to think there’s an element of wanting a blank slate. Woman is Other, said idk… Beauvoir. For a woman to woman, there must be a reason she womans. A female character cannot exist without navigating – explicitly or implicitly – social structures that work against her. Even a world that removes those barriers with the good old worldbuilding becomes commentary on today’s society. And ngl, the last thing I want to be thinking about when reading my escapist fantasy is the unfortunate circumstances we live in (*big sigh*).

Is that internalised sexism? Should I think deeply about my biases and my apparent inability to think of women as just people? Maybe. Sorry, my political correctness is not high on my mind when reading smut.  

The seen seen, the desire desired

Who are you attracted to in BL? Some say you (the obviously female reader)(I’m feeling exceptionally sarcastic today, but I realise this doesn’t translate well to text) are meant to relate to the uke and feel attraction towards the seme. From experience… this doesn’t track. Often because erm… the audience of BL isn't all straight women it turns out.

But an interesting point that Natalie raises is the capacity for a reader to relate with characters in what are perhaps unexpected ways (cf Part 6: Identity). BL often jumps between the perspective of seme and uke. If straight fantasy gives women the opportunity to relate with both the desire and desired, then BL gives the capability of being everything at once – the powerful beloved, the pursued subject, the desire desired - through both the uke and seme. After all, how common is the sentiment “I don’t know if I want to fuck him or be him”? (I’m gonna digress and say I don’t think people mega-braining multiple POVs as they read BL, but I will highlight the way BL tends to portray both parties as loving and beloved.)

There’s something inherently voyeuristic or polyamorous about BL. Natalie states that blank slate characters are blank slate as to not generate envy – blurring the identity of the uke enough that they become indistinguishable from the reader. This is not the template of BL. The uke is often just as developed, if not more developed in character than the seme, with the reader’s capacity to relate to multiple POVs meaning they can see the uke from the outside, as separate, as object, as Other. Either the reader disappears in the narrative, everywhere and nowhere at once, or is tucked between them (“I want to fuck/be fucked by both.”).

Representation

In general, I prefer to be excited about what we do have rather than nitpicking the individual. Works that subvert tropes, tropes that subvert tropes, authors trying to better understand the queer community, conversations around what media representation we want to see etc. etc. get me excited. BL broadening its scope from escapist smut fantasy (tbc, nothing wrong with that) to more “mainstream” slice of life/fantasy type works is something I welcome. Some bits of BL fandom have been some of the nicest I’ve seen. It’s a community that I think is special, and whether I think media should be child friendly aside, I think it has the capability to be a really positive influence.

It strikes me that while BL isn’t reflective of the most standard gay male experience… it is, in some way, a gay male experience.

And I say this in a way that is literal for me and my trans brethren, but also maybe this is true more broadly, in an abstract sense. Natalie suggests that women relate to big, hulking alpha men in romance with a masculine element of themselves. When/if you relate to characters in BL, do you relate to them with a masculine element?

Well, not always and not everyone, and the gender of the characters themselves are often more complicated. ig what I’m trying to say, is that BL might not seem like an accurate reflection of the world to some, but it is a reflection of something, and maybe we should value that.

And as a final remark, I don't think anyone needs to intellectualise their interests as hard as I sometimes do. Keep enjoy what you're enjoying. You're doing great :)

[mephinomaly]

[TL] PYSCHOBREAK/Chapter 6

[ This post uses Ois~su ♪ ]

Time: That day at night

Location: In a training room in ES

Rei: Wanko~♪ Do you want the ball~?

Go fetch~ ☆

Koga 2: Ruff ruuuffffff ☆

Adonis 2: …(Fidgeting around like he wants to play too.)

Rei: Kukuku. He looks human but in reality he’s a newborn baby, such an adorable thing ♪

Kaoru: You get on surprisingly well with the fakes which is pretty good.

—But is that really a good thing, Rei-kun?

Rei: Okay, it’s Adonis-kun's turn now ♪ Why don’t you try to catch this piece of string? You can build up physical strength whilst having fun, isn’t that the best?

Adonis 2: ...♪

Kaoru: I’m happy you’re getting on but hey, are you listening? Can you not ignore me please?

Rei: Of course of course. I will never again allow my gaze to be ripped away from my beloved children who adore me.

Kaoru: Who adores who, did you say?

Rei: —I’ve been thinking.

Kaoru: Hm?

Rei: No matter how much I desire it, I can never be an omnipotent, benevolent god. I suppose that’s clear as I could not predict this situation unfolding.

However, I am slightly older than you all, and it is not as if I spent all my time overseas playing around.

I’m just a tiny bit more experienced onii-chan than you all.

Kaoru: What are you trying to say? You just want to brag about being older? Or do you hate being seen as an old hag?[1] Is this a type of power harassment?

Rei: Kukuku. It’s weird for me not to, Kaoru-kun. Well, there’s nothing I can do in this situation.

We must keep our minds as tranquil as a mountain peak. If our juniors see us seniors fumble, it will create anxiety for them.

Kaoru: Uhuh. Being a senpai is hard work.

So? What are you thinking about?

Rei: Umu. I have no evidence regarding this, all I can do is make guesses on the sequence of events that brought us into this and why it even began to start with.

I have an overall understanding of this situation.

In other words, we now know the truth behind this mysterious set of circumstances.

Kaoru: Wa～, well done! You’re an amazing detective ♪

Rei: Kaoru-kun could have guessed it as well. You are the son of a wise scholar after all.

However, you are a pragmatic child. This case is a bit of an anomaly, and contains unrealistic aspects.

Kaoru: Unrealistic, hm… Ah, I guess that describes it well.

Rei: Umu. Now the question is; how do we escape this situation?

You will understand this analogy, but we are in a locked room. There is only one exit and entrance, and a specific key is required to open them.

However, the key is hidden amongst an endless amount of objects scattered around said room.

Kaoru: It’s like a super difficult ‘escape the room’ game.

Rei: There aren’t any hints though. Unfortunately, there is not enough time to carefully examine each and every item in the room in order to find the key.

We must somehow escape, before the reality we live in warps and breaks down.

Kaoru: Since it’s you, I’m sure you’ve come up with a way to get us out of here. I say that half jokingly ♪

Rei: Umu. I must respond if someone asks something of me, as superstar Rei Sakuma-senpai.

—There is one thing I want to do.

However, it is a dangerous gamble. I am concerned that there may be burdens on the mind and body, primarily on the brain.

Kaoru: Don’t you dare say something all stand-offish like “so that's why I’ll handle it by myself.” If UNDEAD has a problem, then it’s all of our problem. We should share that burden together.

Rei: Kukuku. That’s something old Kaoru-kun would never have said. Now we have been reminded of our past selves, those words deeply move me.

Kaoru: Don’t make fun of me. So, what’s this thing you want to do?

What should we do to get out of this weird situation?

Rei: We need to dream.

When I investigated the AIIE experiment facilities the other day, I happened upon the machines we were connected to, the manuals on how to operate them, and the drugs we were prescribed.

As one could expect, the manuals contained a lot of technical lingo, but with help from a family member who is good at those sorts of things, I was able to come to grips with how it works.

Therefore, if we desire so, we can dream of those days once again.

Visit the memories of when Deadmanz disappeared, and us, UNDEAD, arose.

I suspect our answers will be there.

Kaoru: It’s embarrassing to see me back then being so uptight, but if there’s nothing else we can do, I suppose I can comply.

Rei: Kaoru-kun is still an inexperienced cute boy, hm? I am but a lump of shame.

You may be ashamed of your past self now, but in ten years you may feel the same about your current self.

Let’s do everything in our power now so we do not regret anything in the future.

Will you help me, Kaoru-kun?

Kaoru: Of course I will. I’ve said this a lot already, but this is all of our problem.

Rei: Wonderful… This is also just a guess, but I believe I am the cause behind everything.

Seeds from the past left unwatered grow out of spite. I must reap what I sow, before they can grow anymore.

So this doesn’t happen again. So that I don’t lose anyone again.

[ ☆ ]

Kaoru says 年齢マウント. Not sure if we have a word like that in english but it’s when the eldest of a group of girls (whether idols or just friendship groups) is seen as an old woman despite only being slightly older than the others

Chapter 5

Chapter 7

[edwinspaynes]

alright alright I’ll ask then run us down how Alastair is such amazing cptsd rep

Okay okay okay. So I have a lot to say here and my ADHD has been causing me Problems(TM) today, so I'm sorry if this answer is incoherent and all over the place. But I have SO MANY THOUGHTS on Alastair, and how he's my beloved blorbo, and how he probably is the most authentic portrayal of cPTSD I have ever seen.

The Paradox of Maturity

So let me start by saying that I, and most other people who I know with cPTSD, have a strange experience of simultaneously feeling very old and very young. Alastair is an excellent embodiment of this - he is extremely mature in many ways and highly immature in others.

He knows how to engage with adults well because he always has been forced to do so; he's a caregiver and a protector because he was thrust into those roles when he was young. It's also worth noting that Alastair is highly intelligent. In fact, I would go so far as to say that he is probably the most intelligent mortal character in TSC holistically (yeah, Christopher and Henry are geniuses, but they have limited scopes of knowledge. Alastair knows things about almost everything, including observing and reading people to figure out their needs). In any case, these are all ways that Alastair is mature, and he uses them well. He knows how to engage with adults, how to command respect, how to behave as someone that they should take seriously.

In many other ways, though, Alastair is extremely immature. While he knows how to get on well with adults and show people like Will and Tessa that he is "an extremely well-mannered young man," he struggles to connect with his peers. This is true even when he's not bullying them. His jokes, while funny to me, don't seem to hit the landing with a lot of the other kids; the sense of humor is too mature, and they can't figure out what he means when he's being silly. He's socially awkward, and despite being really empathetic (which I'll get to in a minute), he comes off as emotionally stunted. He's distant. This is why Cordelia worries that he doesn't love her; it's why Thomas thinks he's sniping at him when he makes a comment about Paris being "a vacation from a vacation." He struggles to relate to people his own age. The epitome of the kid who's BFF with the teacher.

Another immaturity-disguised-as-maturity that Alastair has is hyper competence. He's grown up a caregiver, and he's done that alone. He wants to connect with people, but does not know how to rely on anyone; this is one reason that he is "afraid" of his relationship with Thomas (as he talks about outside of Matthew's flat). Thomas makes him feel vulnerable because he's someone that Alastair learns to trust and rely on.

Alastair, the Empath

And yet. And YET. Alastair is so filled with empathy, and love, and care, that it hurts to watch sometimes.

When I think of pure gestures of love, I think of those gestures that the person on the receiving end of them will never know of. Two of the best examples I can think of that are, in fact, Alastair.

He sacrifices his entire childhood so Cordelia can have one. In an ideal world, Cordelia would never have known that. It would have been something that Alastair took to the grave, and he actively worked to ensure that she would not find out for a long time.

Then there's Thomas. Alastair trailed Thomas alone while he was patrolling alone, just so someone would be watching over him. Thomas was angry with him at the time, and Alastair had no reason to think that they would ever speak again. But he followed him anyway, just to make sure that he was safe and okay. And Thomas would never have found out about this; no one would have, if not for Thomas's arrest. It was another act of pure, selfless love.

Alastair also has a knack for sensing what people need and doing it. When Matthew needed some tough love in ChoT to quit his drinking, Alastair provided it despite the fact that he and Matthew had been in constant, deeply acrimonious conflict for years. Alastair is the only person besides Christopher to empathize with Grace when James shares what she did to him. Alastair understands Cordelia's worries about the Carstairs family and is in one occurrence speaks her mind:

“Thank you, Mr. Herondale,” she said. “I hope to live up to your expectations.” Tessa looked surprised. “Why would you ever worry about that?” “Cordelia worries,” Alastair said unexpectedly, “because of the idiots who mutter about our father, and our family. She should not let them bother her.”

It's worth noting that Alastair can also use his ability to read people for bad. As Thomas notes, he can figure out your insecurities at a glance; this is how he knows to target James for his unusual eyes and demonic heritage, and to target Matthew for his visible cues of queerness.

But is this trauma? I believe so. Trauma makes people extremely sensitive to their environments. Growing up with Elias - and being in a relationship with Charles - Alastair would have needed to read cues to interpret their moods quickly. He also would have needed to figure out how inebriated Elias was at a glance so he could proceed to deal with him appropriately; we see a bit of this at Cordelia's wedding in ChoI.

Another good example of Alastair being sensitive to the needs of others (but also hypercompetent) is when he tells Thomas that he cannot make Thomas the sole reason he stays in London. "It will put too much pressure on Thomas" is horribly thoughtful and insightful, and "mature." But it also is almost ridiculous in how stunted a worldview it is, how much it sidelines Alastair's needs because Alastair is not used to prioritizing his own needs. His own happiness is not a consideration.

According to psychologists,

As children, survivors learned to read other people — to read their tone, their movement, their words, and their emotions. This was helpful to safely avoid danger, to know what a situation called for, and to generally rise to what any circumstance required. As adults, their challenge can be to not feel swamped by other people’s emotions or dilemmas and to not let other people’s needs take over in every situation. As adults, the value in this is they can intuit what others may need. Through this, they can be empathic, caring, and kind. They may seek to understand another’s perspective; they can allow for differences and look to find fair solutions for all.

This describes Alastair to a T. The other items on the given list of life skills that trauma survivors have also describe Alastair: responsibility and competence, as we discussed earlier, as well as an ability to connect with others.

Vulnerability

It's not all about reading people, either. Alastair also has a lot of trouble with vulnerability, but once he feels safe enough to be vulnerable (even subconsciously), he can't control his physiological emotional responses. I'm specifically thinking of two instances here, both with Thomas:

The Sanctuary scene, in which he cries in a moment that is probably THE most vulnerable he has ever been with another person, and

The scene outside Matthew's flat, when he nearly cries as he tells Thomas that he is moving to Tehran and is afraid of fleeing and becoming like his father.

In these moments, Alastair is not only the competent and highly intelligent adult that he is in fact. He is also his wounded inner child, having "persistent and chronic feelings of emptiness, helplessness and hopelessness." (Also displayed when he says he wasted his chance with Thomas, btw).

You can look over the "wounded inner child" list here, but some points I associate with Alastair include:

Self-sabotaging behaviours (fighting with TMT, almost moving to Tehran, going back to care for Charles at the beginning of ChoT)

Difficult relationships with family members (the distance from Cordelia, being Sona's partner in crime, everything about Elias)

Self-criticism/low self-esteem (he literally calls himself something that's "unhealthy and bad for [Thomas]" in ChoI)

Relationship issues (this would be a whole other fucking essay about the cycle of abuse and how survivors of domestic abuse often get into abusive relationships, but Charles ofc. Also the fact that it seems incomprehensible to him that Thomas might love him)

(Mmmmm would you like a "get to know your wounded inner child" fic about Alastair? Yes? Okay. I'm getting ideas.)

Ambiguously Neurodivergent

This brings me to my next point. Alastair feels... distinctly neurodivergent, but in a "slippery" way. He has some of the social challenges and high levels of intelligence commonly associated with autism; he has the empathy and hyper-awareness commonly associated with ADHD and other forms of autism. He is very analytical and thoughtful, but also very sensitive and emotional. It's a conundrum.

But those with cPTSD often feel like this. cPTSD is often misdiagnosed as autism (which is, in fact, something that happened to me personally.) It mimics a lot of autistic traits while still feeling slightly... off. Not quite like autism. Not quite like ADHD. Not quite bipolar, not quite borderline, not quite anything. It's just cPTSD, neurodivergence in its own right.

The Mask and the Real: A Non-Conflict

The last thing I'd like to say about Alastair is this. And it's really important, and what sets Alastair apart from other portrayals of cPTSD.

Alastair has armor. Alastair has a mask. But that mask is REAL. He and Matthew are two of the only characters that have this, in my opinion. Other good portrayals of cPTSD, like Ben Gross from Never Have I Ever (another blorbo of mine), have a hardened armor-shell exterior to hide the wounded child inside. In cases like Ben's, this is a facade.

This isn't true of Alastair.

I talk about this in my last fic a bit:

He was smart; he was clever. His tongue was a whip, and that was what made him Alastair Carstairs. On some days, he could almost believe that this was the complete truth of himself. It wasn’t difficult; his personality was not a façade. He was cutting, cunning, convincing. He did have sharp edges, and ones that he was learning to love as Thomas ran his fingers along them and did not draw blood. And yet, underneath that layer, there was more to him. There were the long, nightmare-filled midnights that Thomas held him through when he stayed over, drawing steady circles on his back and telling him that it was alright not to be quite well. There were outings where he would catch a whiff of gin’s strong scent and cover his nose, willing his eyes to show nothing as he walked away too quickly.

These traits aren't lies. They're not a shell he's built up around himself. They're real, and he has unfortunately been made to weaponize his sense of humor and his cutting wit and his intelligence.

Alastair feels real - and his cPTSD feels real - because he is a fascinating dichotomy, an enigma, and above all a great depiction of a person who feels real. His complexities aren't glossed over. The narrative is sympathetic to him while not making him a Poor Innocent Woobie. He makes mistakes, he makes amends. He laughs and he cries and he hates and he loves, and he experiences every part of the human condition to its fullest on-page. explicitly.

In the end, the only other character who does that is his equal opposite in all things, Matthew Fairchild. But I'll leave that essay for another day.

I guess I'll tag @alastair-appreciation-month in this because, hey, it's Alastember. Why not.