#I’ll never be Mr. Darcy though

[chaotic-pulsar]

I love Bingley because like… not everyone can be quiet and mysterious and cosmically misunderstood and stinking filthy rich like Mr. Darcy, but… anyone can smile and love as freely and unabashedly like Bingley. His golden retriever “I love you I love you I love you I’ll shout it from the rooftops” energy? Absolutely PRICELESS, I tell you. 10/10. Fantastico. I LOVE Bingley. He’s just… gahhh I love him

[jomiddlemarch]

Five Times Aristocrats Shared a Bed and One Time They Didn’t*

(*where “they” have delusions of grandeur)

1.

“If it is your preference, I shall give you your privacy and I will seek your permission before entering your chamber,” Fitzwilliam said stiffly, reminding Elizabeth so much of the aloof stranger she’d first seen at a Meryton dance that she could not keep from laughing.

“Madam?” he asked, taken aback.

She had learnt him well enough to wait to speak until she’d laid her hand upon his chest, where he could not fail to see his ring upon her finger.

“I’ve never slept alone in my life and I shouldn’t like to start now,” she said. “I warn you and Jane will confirm it, my feet get cold but I despise bed-socks.”

“It will be my pleasure to keep you warm, Elizabeth,” he said.

2.

“I’ve made sure your suite was entirely redecorated, all in the loveliest shades of green and indigo, and I spoke with your housekeeper, to ensure your mattress here is just as you like it,” Emma said.

George raised an eyebrow in inquiry. It was quite the most devilish expression and she wished she were capable of matching it.

“You have already undertaken so much, leaving Donwell Abbey and coming to live at Hartfield, you deserved to have a place of your own, a retreat when you cannot bear another second of Papa’s exhortations about the risk of cold lettuce on a young man’s chest or my silly prattling,” she explained.

“Mrs. Knightley, what I cannot bear is to be apart from you at night,” he said, moving closer as he spoke. “To wake without you in my arms.”

“Well, you needn’t,” she said, while she could. 

She was not sorry when she couldn’t. Not one bit.

3.

“If you’d like, my dear, I’ll sleep in my dressing room,” Charles said. “I know aristocrats don’t share a bed. My parents did but of course, Father was in trade, for all that Caroline wants to pretend we’re the obscure cadet branch of some viscount from the North. I asked Darcy and he turned rather puce but he did say it was so—”

“We’re not aristocrats, Charles,” Jane replied.

“You’re a gentleman’s daughter, Jane, a lady to the very tips of your toes,” Charles replied.

“Whoever the Bingleys are, we’re only Charles and Jane here,” she said. “And whatever you consider the tips of my toes, I’m your wife first and last.”

“You’ll send me to my dressing room if I snore, though. You must promise me that, you’re too good a creature to complain about anything but I shan’t have you exhausted,” Charles said.

“If you snore, I promise, I’ll wake you,” Jane said.

She’d learnt quite quickly how her husband took his tea and how to lie to him.

4.

“When we choose an estate, I’ll make sure there’s a separate chamber for you, sweetheart,” Frederick said softly. “You’ll want that after being crammed into this crowded little cabin—”

“It’s snug,” Anne said, turning slightly so she might see his dear face better. The moonlight from the porthole took him from the epitome of a British sea-captain and changed him into a figure of romance or myth, a god all silver and shadow. “I shouldn’t like anything better than this, this perfect refuge that’s ours alone and the sound of the waves.”

“We’ll choose a place by the sea,” he said. “A house with a view, plenty of space, light and airy.”

“But I don’t care to sleep apart, no matter had bad Ton it is,” she said. “We were apart long enough.”

5.

“Don’t say we must be stuffy aristocrats about it and sleep in separate rooms and you’re to knock at my door and wait there in a banyan and slippers for me to bid you enter,” Marianne said in a rush, exhilarated by the fresh air, the vista before them, Colonel Brandon’s arm around her waist. He did not yet believe she was steady on her feet after her illness and she could not convince him otherwise, had she been inclined to try. “There is nothing romantic about that, nothing ravishing—”

“There will be ravishing, my dear,” he replied. “In one room, one bed, if that’s what you want.”

“I quite fancy the contrast, how splendidly massive Delaford is and then to imagine the two of us tucked away, almost in a garret,” she said dreamily.

“I draw the line at a garret,” he said. “And I do wear a banyan and slippers when it’s chilly.”

6.

“Some would say we’ve pretentions beyond our station, Mrs. Collins, yes, some would say that very thing, but for someone, if you will, attached to a lady as elevated as Lady Catherine de Bourgh, for a clergyman with refined taste and a sense of elegant delicacy derived from a close association with an aristocrat like her Ladyship, well, it hardly seems the argument that we’re aping our betters should be given the least credence,” Mr. Collins declared, speaking much as he would giving one of his sermons. Anything to do with Lady Catherine called for that tone of voice, a fact Charlotte had gleaned after three days in the vicarage.

“As you say, Mr. Collins,” Charlotte replied.

“It’s a squeeze, I’m quite aware of that, but I had the box room fitted out and the alcove in the larger room can serve as a dressing room, if it comes to it,” he said.

“I’ve no complaints, sir,” Charlotte replied. 

Indeed, her husband’s announcement that they would have separate sleeping chambers had made her nearly as happy as his offer to wed and might very well be her salvation.

Posted late for Janeuary 2025 @janeuary-month Day 21, prompt: aristocracy

[mx-piggy]

EDIT: I posted an essay to my website based on this post. I'd really appreciate if you gave it a read!

I finally had an intelligent thought about Heartstopper and I wanted to write it down and share it.

I think Heartstopper season 2 was even better than season 1- for me, at least- because of how it felt like a more expansive look at the queer experience, and how it made me feel a little less like I’m falling behind as an almost-eighteen-year-old who has no romantic experience whatsoever.

With most of the main characters coupling up with one another, Heartstopper could easily be a show that says little more than ‘love is love’, which- while a sentiment i agree with- often fails to include people whose queerness has nothing to do with who they love, or does not involve sexual and/or romantic feelings. So, having Isaac’s storyline involve him coming to terms with being aroace as well as grappling with the isolation he feels in a friend group full of couples offers a different aspect of queerness. I’m someone whose never had my first kiss nor have I ever been in a relationship- and at the moment I have little desire to change that right now beyond the pressure of feeling as though I’m running out of time- so to see a character who feels such a similar sense of alienation feels really cathartic.

I also really appreciated Mr Farouk and Mr Ajayi’s relationship, and I felt especially comforted by Mr Farouk’s character. I’ve been aware of my queerness since I was around the age of 10, but I relate to Mr Farouk’s quiet mourning of the queer teen experiences he never had. I think it’s really important for this show for and about queer teens to say ‘it’s okay if you don’t get what Nick and Charlie or Tara and Darcy or Tao and Elle get at their age. You’ve got time.’ I’m only 17 (18 this month) so I’m not exactly like Mr Farouk, but there’s something a little saddening watching a show about teens younger than you who have something part of you wants.

Perhaps this is very much a ‘me problem’, but Heartstopper is something very bittersweet for me, because it makes me mourn for the teen experiences- queer or otherwise- I’ll never have. I don’t hang out with my friends more than a few times a year, I don’t have a queer friend group who can relate to my struggles and I’ve never had my first kiss or had anyone have feelings for me. At times, its made me feel like I did the whole queer teen thing wrong, because I knew I was queer the whole time. But, having a character whose storyline involves realising that romance isn’t essential, and a character who realises it isn’t too late to live his life as a queer man makes Heartstopper a much easier and much more cathartic watch for me. I can finally watch it and say ‘I’m not doing it all wrong, and I’ve got plenty of time.’

[myokk]

20 q's for fic writers

tagged by @crushribbons love you Laney😙😙😙😙💓💓💓

How many works do you have on AO3? I am a humble baby writer so I only have three...so far

What's your total AO3 word count? 99,211...before I joined tumblr and fanart hell (affectionate) I was writing SO MUCH...I started in January bahahahahhahahahahahahah

What fandoms do you write for? Hogwarts Legacy, but in the future I'll probably do Tomione…beginning of death eaters super evil but sexy 1940s Tom Riddle making Hermione turn evil… (among others). Tbh (fanart-wise NOT writing) I also want to draw harvest moon…stardew valley…x files… I would love to attempt writing for P&P bc I have so many ideas, but I am too lazy to make sure they're historically accurate and it would drive me crazy if they arent so I'll just enjoy them hehe

Top five fics by kudos? I only have three published so far, but the most popular is my Ominis oneshot, legilimency. I have no idea how that one actually got readers...but I'm happy bc I really like it too and I reread it sometimes!! My main fic is actually doing a lot better than I expected too, bc when I started posting I was just shouting into the void and I wasn’t part of the community or anything🥹 the little excerpts I post here too, that go along with my writing, also do a lot better than I expected and it makes me so happy to read your comments💓

Do you respond to comments? yes!!!!! Comments/hashtags always make me SO HAPPY and these interactions are the fun of sharing these things with you all. I get swamped by notifications sometimes so I might respond super late but I always try to bc I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? my main fic...I have a horrible ending planned but I might chicken out at the end and make it happy. in my fanarts I can make them happy so that might be enough for me...and I’ll go with the evil ending muahahahahahaa

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? the Imelda/Poppy fic. Honestly it's not popular but it holds SUCH A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART...it’s popular to me😤 I reread it a lot...my love letter to Imelda

Do you get hate on fics? I don't think so...If I do I'm out of the loop bahahahhahahahaha. Honestly I've had haters before on other platforms and it's not something that really bothers me bc if I don't personally know someone, I don't care what they think...and like Laney said...if they don't like something they should just make what they want to see instead lol

Do you write smut? yes😳

Craziest crossover? None I Am A Boring Girl

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that I know of!!!!! But I also just started writing this year. I've had my art stolen sooooooo many times before though on IG and tiktok (not here yet that I know of…). If it's just copying my art I don't mind that much with these fanarts because that's how you learn and a copy will never look like the original but...

Have you ever had a fic translated? nope!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No but I'm collaborating with @versailles-black for fanart shenanigans bc our MCs are cousins🥹💓 plus the whole Leo/Bea thing with @the-ozzie …I’m actually considering writing a oneshot about the two of them so I think it counts!!

All time favorite ship I have two...Elizabeth/Mr Darcy have had me in a vicelike grip for my whole life...but so have Scully and Mulder...

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I really really really want to write my Ominis longfic that's a continuation of my oneshot, but it's hard to find the time to write lately bc I've been so busy!!! like...even finding time to do these fanarts is a struggle these days. I still have hope I'll finish it though bc apart from ME wanting to read it there are a few others who are also looking forward to it!!!

What are your writing strengths? no idea🥲

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I personally like it!!! But only if it's used correctly...I've seen Spanish in fics before where the person CLEARLY doesn't speak it and it drives me crazy, esp if the character is supposed to be Spanish-speaking. Or...when people add random phrases in with the rest English, bc as a bilingual person I feel like it doesn't really work like that lol. I added some Spanish to the Imelda oneshot I wrote and I like to read it when it's done naturally, and if anyone asks me for translation in the comments I’m happy to oblige🥰

First fandom you wrote in? Hogwarts Legacy is my first fandom ever bahahahhahahahahah

Favorite fic you've written? tbh I love all three that I've written so far!!!!!! I can't choose🥹🥹

Laney said there's no 20th question…I love you all😙😙😙

zerooo pressure tags for @kay9leo @writing-intheundercroft @heyitszev @noxxytocin and anyone else who thinks it would be fun to answer🥹💓😙💓😙

[osemanverse-events]

🎁🎄 to: @cwream from: @teejaysnow

Charlie has changed the group name to “EMERGENCY!!!”

Charlie: Help!! It’s Christmas Day on Wednesday.

Sarah: Yes, darling. We know.

Charlie: And I still haven’t gotten Nick a gift. And, I mean, it’s a gift. For Nick. So it needs to be, like, the best Christmas gift ever. Suggestions, please 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Darcy: You could always give him a blowjpppplm

Tara: …

Tara: Sorry about that, Darcy is no longer allowed access to her phone.

Elle: It’s a good idea though.

Sarah: I’m pretending like I didn’t see that.

Elle: Sorry, Mrs Nelson.

Sarah: I’m not saying it’s a bad idea. Just that I definitely didn’t see it.

Charlie: I hate you. All of you.

Tao: Can’t you just get him a chew toy and take him to the dog park like the good boy that he is?

Charlie: STOP REFERRING TO MY BOYFRIEND AS A GOOD BOY!!!

Tara: Are you saying that he isn’t a good boy?

Charlie: I’m saying that he isn’t a golden retriever.

Tao: But he’s just so dog-coded.

Charlie: Nick. Does. Not. Look. Like. A. Golden. Retriever.

Sarah: Oh, but he definitely does.

Tao has changed the group name to “Nick looks like a golden retriever”

Charlie has changed the group name to “Nick does not look like a golden retriever and stop changing the group name, Tao”

Charlie: I hate you most of all, Scarecrow.

Tao: Rude!! Anyway, just get Toto some Bonios, I’ve heard they’re good for a shiny coat.

Charlie: Toto? Would that make me Dorothy??

Tao: You called me Scarecrow. So if the shoes fit 👠👠

Tara: Wouldn’t he technically be a friend of Dorothy, though? So, with Scarecrow already taken, that would make him either the Tin Man or the Cowardly Lion.

Tao: Fine. The lion then. And Elle is definitely Glinda ❤️❤️

Sarah: Excuse me but who am I in this brand new Wizard of Oz adaptation you’re creating? 

Sarah: And think long and hard before you answer that.

Tao: …

Tao: New phone, who dis?

Sarah: Good choice. Anyway, I’ve got to go pick the golden retriever up from his Christmas shopping, please don’t say anything else that will make me regret being in this chat.

Darcy: You mean like Charlie giving Nick a lap danpppplm

Tara: Sorry again, I’ll hide Darcy’s phone better this time.

Elle: Another good idea though.

Sarah: Leaving now…

Charlie has changed the group name to “You’re all evil and I hate you”

Charlie: You all suck! You’re at, like, vampire level of suckiness.

Tao: Are we talking Bela Lugosi vampire suckiness or Twilight vampire suckiness? Because those are two very different kinds of suckinesses and I for one will not be accused of Twilight vampire-level of suckiness, thanks.

Elle: I’m pretty sure suckinesses isn’t a word. Also, you’d make a great Edward. 

Tao: You take that back! I’ve never been so insulted in my life!!

Tara: She’s got a point, though. Broody, stubborn, tall. That’s definitely you.

Elle has changed the group name to “Tao is a Twilight vampire”

Tao: Hey, when did this chat turn from roasting Charlie into let’s bully Tao?? I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of.

Elle: You’re too embarrassed to accept your Twilight suckiness but you’ll quote Taylor Swift like she’s one of your overly pretentious filmmakers?

Tao: I am secure enough in my masculinity to both listen to and quote Taytay, thank you very much. Also, Twilight is nothing but terrible writing and terrible acting.

Tao: Oh, and also capitalism.

Elle: Didn’t you say that Robert Pattinson was the best Batman?

Tao: Hey, I told you that in confidence.

Charlie: Wait, you, Tao Xu, have watched a Batman movie??!!!

Tao: Now see what you’ve done.

Charlie: YOU HAVE WATCHED ENOUGH BATMAN MOVIES TO HAVE A FAVOURITE BATMAN?!!!!

Tao: Christopher Nolan is an amazing director and I am therefore prepared to watch whatever project he’s involved in, even if it is a stupid superhero franchise.

Charlie: Yes, but

Charlie: Nolan didn’t direct the Pattinson movie.

Tao: …

Tao: Fine. I like Batman, okay? Can we get back to the fact that you just discovered that Christmas is in four days??

Charlie: Shit. Yes. Christmas. Help!!

Elle: I still say Darcy had the right idea.

Charlie: I am not giving Nick a blowjob for Christmas!!!

Elle: Why not? Even his mum said it was a good idea.

Tao: How do you gift-wrap a blowjob though?

Charlie: Can we all STOP TALKING ABOUT BLOWJOBS??

Elle has changed the group name to “Charlie should give Nick a blowjob for Christmas”

Charlie has changed the group name to “Elle is one warning away from being kicked out of the chat”

Elle has changed the group name to “Elle is surprisingly okay with that”

Tara: Can’t you just get him a book on rugby or something? I’m sure Waterstones has a million of them.

Charlie: But that’s not the best Christmas gift ever, is it?? And it NEEDS to be the best Christmas gift ever since this is the last Christmas before Nick leaves for uni.

Tao: Never to be heard from again, I’m sure. Jeez, Charlie, he’s applying for Leeds, not the North Pole.

Charlie: Might as well be. Do you know how far away Leeds is?

Tao: Yes. Because you keep telling us. It’s 229 miles.

Tara: Yep. 229 miles.

Elle: 229 miles.

Charlie: IT’S 229 MILES!!

Tara: Although to be fair, it’s about 3,700 miles to the North Pole, so… 🤷🏾‍♀️

Charlie: But none of those miles includes the M25.

Tara: Point taken. You’ll obviously never see him again.

Charlie: Exactly. And focus, people. Nick? Gift?!

Tao changed the group name to “Charlie is being annoying again”

Charlie: Funny. Really.

Tao: How hard can it be? I mean, you could get Nick a rolled up newspaper and he’d love it because you got it for him. He’s just as whipped as you are. 

Charlie: So your suggestion is a rolled up newspaper 😒😒

Tao: Maybe not my first suggestion but it’s among the top five.

Charlie: Such helpful. Very appreciate.

Elle: He’s right though, Nick is ridiculously whipped. I wouldn’t suggest a rolled up newspaper per se, but whatever you end up getting will be his “best Christmas gift ever” just because it’s from you.

Charlie changed the group name to “I am not getting Nick a rolled up newspaper for Christmas”

Charlie: And STOP CHANGING THE GROUP NAME!!

Elle changed the group name to “No!”

Tara changed the group name to “Now you’re both being annoying”

Tara: Can we please get back to Charlie’s dilemma or I’ll give Darcy back her phone.

Tao: Pretty sure that threat is in violation of the Geneva Convention.

Tara: I don’t think the Geneva Convention is applicable here. Maybe you could invoke the Animal Welfare Act instead?

Charlie: ANIMAL Welfare Act? Really?? Who’s the animal here?

Tara: Nick.

Elle: Nick, obviously.

Tao: That golden retriever of yours.

Charlie: …

Charlie: I asked for that one, didn’t I?

Charlie: Anyway, can you people stop being you for one second? I really need help.

Tao: Oh, we know.

Charlie: Shut it, Edward.

Elle: Okay, vampires aside, what are we thinking? Are we going for practical, sentimental, futurity?

Charlie: Futurity?

Elle: I don’t know, something Nick can take with him to Leeds to remind him of you?

Tara: Like an oil painting! Very Jane Austen. I’m sure Elle can paint one for you?

Elle: Not in four days I can’t!!

Charlie: And I am not giving Nick a painting of myself like some narcissistic twat.

Tara: You’re being a very Negative Nelly right now, which isn’t very Austen of you.

Charlie: Why did I ever think asking you lot was a good idea again?

Charlie changed the group name to “You’re all useless”

Elle: That’s a bit harsh.

Tao: Agreed.

Tara: 😭😭😭

Charlie changed the group name to “Sorry and I love you all very much a lot ❤️❤️❤️”

Tao: 😑😑

Charlie: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Tao: Fine. I guess we love you too.

Charlie: Nice. Now, gimme suggestions!!

Tao: I still vote for the dog biscuits.

Elle: Can’t you make him some kind of gift basket, like, I don’t know, “10 things I love about you”?

Charlie: …

Charlie: That’s actually a good idea! Although ten doesn’t sound enough, more like “50 things I love about you”. Or 100. Maybe “1000 things I love about you”?

Tao changed the group name to “You’re gonna need a bigger boat”

Elle: “Of all the things I love about Nick, the one thing I love the most is his…”

Tara: Elle!! 😱😱😱

Elle: 😎🍆

Nick: Um. You guys do know I’m in this group too, right?

Charlie: Shit.

Charlie has left the group

Tao has left the group

Elle has left the group

Tara has left the group

Aled: Hi, Nick, what’s up?

[waitingx2xdie]

xnoraxcarpenterx asked: thread where Nora is taking a shower & Emily & Kat are uncomfortably in same room & one of them checks Nora's phone when there is a message & the message is from Darcy & Nora comes out of the shower in bathrobe & is like ???

‘And in other news, nineteen-year-old cornerback, Adam Taliaferro returned to the field today in front of a record-breaking crowd of 109,313 people, leading the Penn State Nittany Lions in his first game since sustaining what was believed to be a career-ending vertebra injury in September of LAST YEAR. Adam Taliaferro had been given only a 3% chance by doctors to ever walk again, with his return against the Miami Hurricanes being hailed as a modern-day miracle. However, this feel-good moment was not enough for Penn State to turn the tides against the Miami Hurricanes who went on to win the game 33-7.”

Emily and Kat sat in complete silence, bathed in the neon glow of the television, sharing the AWKWARD AMBIANCE with a news report about a sport NEITHER of them cared about. Though Kat supposed, it was good to hear that other people were making the most out of their second chances in life. She didn’t know who Adam Taliaferro was but wished him the best all the same. COMBROUS SILENCE was punctuated by the running shower head, and the steady pitter-patter of waterdrops crashing to the porcelain as Nora cleansed her body after a busy day prepping for the start of the school year in just three short days. Emily and Kat swapped nary a word between them. In truth? They never really did. Some days one of the two of them may have made more of an effort, and tried to bridge that gap, for Nora’s sake. But this was not one of those days. On days like this Kat would typically HIDE AWAY in her room, focus on work, and keep herself BUSY, much the opposite of Emily who would WASTE her days away watching repeats of Sex & The City. But with Nora home, came communal time, drawing both girls out of their bat caves in the name of the only thing they had in common: THEIR LOVE FOR NORA. If Kat hadn’t known any better, she’d almost believe that Nora had PLANNED her little shower break to try and force Emily & Kat to spend time together, talk alone, get to know each other -- GET ALONG TOGETHER. But not only wasn’t that Nora’s style, Kat honestly doubted Nora had any hope left of her and Emily getting along after Kat had walked in on Emily going to third base on Nora in her sleep.

“Oh my God, can we please put on something else? ANYTHING ELSE?” Kat rolled her eyes at Emily’s whining and Emily let out a sigh, moving across the sofa to reach for the remote. “Fine, I’ll do it my--...” And then Nora’s phone buzzed and… And Emily’s brow furrowed… “Huh…?” Who the FUCK was DARCY BLAKE? Kat glanced up, seeing Emily take the phone. “Whoa! Privacy! What do you think you’re--...” But it was too late and Emily had already flipped open the phone and held it out to Kat. “WHO. THE FUCK. IS DARCY BLAKE…?” Kat’s own brow furrowed to match Emily’s, and there was a dull ache in her chest, A CONCAVE CONVULSION, shuddering at her right shoulder, lips pressed to a thin straight line, cheekbone and jaw pulled taut. She felt sick as she reached out for the phone just as the shower head shut off and lo and behold…

(  sms. Mrs Carpenter~ )  Will you be coming by for a slice of my cherry pie today~? (  sms. Mrs Carpenter~ )  Got it all warmed up for you~ (  sms. Mrs Carpenter~ )  Nice and hot, just the way you like it.

Now, for those in the know, Darcy Blake was CLEARLY exaggerating, yes, flirtatious, but she really WAS talking about a slice of cherry pie while making it sound extra dirty from recent in-jokes between herself and Nora at the cafe. Unfortunately for Nora… Kat and Emily… Were NOT in the know… And as Nora stepped out of the shower in a bathrobe, two things happened... One: Emily’s jaw dropped. And two: Kat held up the phone.

“WHO THE HELL IS THIS?”

[deja-mew]

Here, take a bunch of Predaking, Skylynx and Darksteel headcanons!

As a treat!! They were a treat for me to write ✍️. Silly dragon guys I ❤️❤️ Love them.

✧˖*°࿐

- Of course he would never admit this to anyone who doesn’t already know, but Predaking is extremely ticklish on the bottom of his feet, only back towards his heels. Darksteel found this out the hard way one day when he thought it would be silly to try tickling him while he was having a snooze and accidentally got kicked into next Thursday.

- Skylynx likes to wake up extra early to see the sunrise. He sneaks away to be as alone as possible, just before dawn breaks, and finds a good place to watch the sun come up. He loves soaking in the first morning rays of sunshine. It’s usually his favorite part of the day! He never talks about it to anyone though, it would be spoiled if anyone else tried to come with.

- Darksteel loves tiny creatures. He just thinks they’re so cool (anything but scraplets). If he had ever met Lazerbeak he would have been a fan. In my AU, there’s all sorts of “tiny” (by cybertronian standards) bug-like creatures and he collects them! He gets so hyped up learning about new ones. Maybe he’d like humans, but who knows..

- Predaking, even if he had legions of subjects, is super attentive and has a very detailed memory. He’d remember everyone’s name, face, even things about their personality/things they’d mention liking. He is definitely one of those people who would gift someone something they had only just slightly mentioned wanting (and had probably forgotten they said anything about it in the first place).

- Darksteel counts it as a great victory if he ever gets Skylynx to full-on laugh with him. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes they both get really silly over something and Darksteel likes not being the only one laughing for once.

- This isn’t much of a headcanon because it’s probably pretty true, but I’ll take it further. Predaking loves reading. Researching, yes of course, since he needs to know all he can to best serve his people; but aside from that he just loves to read. Novels, poems, news reports, you name it. He’s already read it. His particular favorite though, is novels. I once imagined him reading Jane Austen and I can’t get it out of my head now. I’m sure he was ready to throw down for Elizabeth when Mr. Darcy insulted her family in Pride and Prejudice. (Imagine the Autobots giving him some datapads filled with similar content from Earth for him to read, to help maintain a good relationship with the Predacons… And he’s genuinely so hyped but trying to be professional in the moment 😭)

- Probably nobody else on Cybertron does this but when Darksteel gets extra giddy about something he trots. At least in quadroped mode anyway, he doesn’t exactly skip in bipedal mode because well that would be too embarrassing and he’s too fierce for that… but it’s okay to do as a dragon in his own mind.

- Skylynx and Darksteel both like trying to blow smoke rings. Like how they do in movies, with cigars and such. Instead of needing to be smoking something, if they do something similar to a belch, they can naturally puff out smoke instead of fire. Sometimes they’re even able to get Predaking to play along and the three contend with each other on who can do the best ones.

- At some point, they get a hold of a great bunch of music files. Things get a little tense. While Predaking is trying to enjoy Tchaikovsky 1812 Overture (complete with cannons), Darksteel is playing Dragostea din tei too loud. Skylynx can’t stand any of it and just wants to listen to his Grizzly Bear playlist in peace, so to avoid confrontation everyone sort of splits off to mind their own music. Hopefully they get some custom headphones soon. (Basically, Predaking’s all about classical music, Darksteel loves meme songs, and Skylynx is an indie folk fan)

- Predaking usually doesn’t remember his dreams, but when he does they’re extremely abstract yet vivid. Mostly, they’re representations of whatever he has been feeling most. Because he sleeps rather lightly, they are pretty rare.

- Skylynx sleeps deeply, and has realistic dreams that have their own plots and everything. Sometimes he even has consecutive nights that are the same dream just continued on from where it left off the night before. He likes to keep track of these stories and writes down everything he can remember as soon as he gets a chance.

- Darksteel also gets good deep sleep most of the time. Though he never remembers his dreams enough to be able to talk about them or write them down, he knows they must be pretty good, because he never seems to wake up in a bad mood. Of all the three Predacons, he usually is the one to wake up most refreshed.

- All three take their morning energon (or whatever equivalent of breakfast there may be) together, usually in a comfortable silence. They do have their own routines to get ready for the day, but they also like to, actively like to, spend calm time together before the day officially starts. It’s one of the many subtle things they do naturally that shows that they’re getting quite close as bretheren after all.

[jenyifer]

I haven’t seen a review on tumblr and I’ll never forget this book

I randomly choose it because it was available on Libby. However 10/10 has given me a whole new perspective. I’ve never personally known a transperson as a friend. I’ve educated myself obviously and I have nothing but respect for the journey they go down. But it is different reading a story fully from a trans perspective really has touched my heart in ways I can barely describe. I’m just here crying over the pride and prejudice remix Most Ardently. I loved pride and prejudice when I was young and truly Most Ardently has colored my perception even more so than all my rereadings. The feeling of not belonging and being scared but wanting to be braver is something I know I struggled with. I found myself relating to the feelings of longing and desire for acceptance growing up in a small judgmental town. I screamed for joy as I read Oliver being an absolute bad ass true to themselves king. Gahh it was just so good and I didn’t feel myself too far drawn out into disbelief over the historical elements either. I’m also a sucker for anything English literature related so maybe that’s why the story is so vivid. Mr. Darcy was the right level of idiot and asshole to not completely eclipse the original character. Actually I feel as though it’s not a complete alt universe as it is a couple steps from both original story characters. I imagine I’ll borrow this book again. I think I’ll seek more books from the trans perspective. I tend to read mostly gay media because… I find sapphic books difficult to read for me most of the time and I still relate to a lot of gay experiences anyways. But now I realize I should lookfor the other shared experiences I can have with other orientations and perspectives too. To truly understand and support with empathy and love my other LGBTQIA siblings.

Anyways for now I’m just gonna cry wishing I could ever find someone who could love me for who I am as a person orientation mental state broken human I am.

[rose-of-oz]

Share 10 facts about an OC and their significant other

(I’ll be answering this about Paisley and Jason, thank you so much, Kass!!)

Paisley and Jason teasingly call each other “badger” and “lion,” in reference to their respective Hogwarts houses.

Jason was very worried before meeting Paisley’s family for the first time, nervous about her parents not approving of their child dating someone with as much of a sketchy past as he is known to have, but their parents love him immediately, and he quickly develops a friendly relationship with Paisley’s older sister Monica.

Jason loves Paisley’s singing voice, and will usually ask her to sing to him whenever he has a nightmare.

The two of them have a running joke going where, whenever there is a new online article or podcast episode proposing a new theory about how Jason “came back to life” (given that the Wayne family never really explained anything to the public), Paisley will send Jason the link and ask him in a falsely accusing voice why he never told her the real story. Paisley finds this infinitely more amusing than Jason does, but he puts up with it because he loves his partner.

Before their relationship was made public, the press speculated that Red Hood and Sagittarius, Paisley’s alter ego, were dating, based on how in sync they seemed to be when fighting together and banter witnesses overheard them exchanging and communicated to reporters.

The two’s favorite show to watch together is The Golden Girls, and Paisley will often teasingly call Jason “Sophia” when he’s being grumpy.

Some fictional couples Paisley and Jason have been compared to by others are Lucy and Tim from The Rookie, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice, and Ron and Hermione from Harry Potter.

Paisley’s favorite place to kiss Jason is his forehead, because of how much he blushes when they do it and how much he tries to hide that blush. Jason’s favorite place to kiss Paisley is on her neck, because… well, it’s Jason.

Neither Jason nor Paisley are very cuddly in bed, so they usually go to sleep facing the same direction but not touching much. However, they almost always wake up all tangled together, having moved during the night.

Though Jason claims to not like books meant for teens, Paisley ended up convincing him to read Holly Black’s Folk of the Air series, one of their favorite series, and he loved it. (He also may or may not have asked Paisley to pin him up against the wall and hold a knife to this throat after finishing The Cruel Prince, but he would never admit that to anyone else.)

[chicklette]

15 questions, alllll the mutuals

Thanks for the tag @mrs-f-darcy and @pirrusstuff <3

1. Are you named after anyone?

I was very specifically named after no one. (My dad thought names carried *hand waves* stuff with them and didn’t want me named after anyone that he’d ever known. Weirdo). 

2. When was the last time you cried?

Barbie movie. I’m not a cryer in general unless it’s a huge, massive thing, and then I’ll cry a year’s worth of tears. I will shamelessly sob at movies, tv shows, and commercials though.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, just kitties.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Nothing with any skill. I went rollerskating last weekend though. 10 yo me (who was hot stuff on her skates) fled the room in embarrassment. 

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Who me? Never. 

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Smiles or eyes, and lately, what kind of handbag/backpack they’re carrying and whether I want to make one like it.

7. What’s your eye color?

Green

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings only please. (I watch, like, five not so scary movies at halloween and that’s it.)

9. Any talents?

I’m a good sewist for my niche (bags and wallets). I’m a good cook when I can be arsed. I’m a passable writer. 

10. Where were you born?

Not far from Disneyland

11. What are your hobbies?

Reading, sewing, writing. I got really into making fancy cookies for a bit, then my brain decided no we don’t do that anymore, so welp. 

12. Do you have any pets?

Three cats. I also feed and love the neighbors cat bc they’re terrible. I also feed a flock of sparrows, a half dozen doves, a few squirrels, and have befriended a murder of crows. The skunk and I have an agreement, and Frank, the possum, enjoys the apples and avocados that I buy and don’t get to before they’re going bad. 

14.How tall are you?

5’4” 

15. Dream job?

Philanthropist. I know enough to know I don’t know how to manage the problem, but I’d like enough money to help. In all honesty, I’m at the end of my career and I’m *tired* ya’ll. I just want to chill. 

Tagging anyone who wants to play! <3

[pleasantpandemonium]

Tag Game

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better. I was tagged by @hayffiebird I have never been tagged in anything before so this is exiting!

Three ships:

Hayffie: My obsession with this ship comes in waves every once in a while. It has taken over my life occasionally since 2012 I believe. This ship is my main ho and my side ho. I love it! There is something about the opposite attract bit that makes me so fascinated. Haymitch and Effie also make for some great fanfic material.

Steggy: It’s good to have a healthy and wholesome ship in the mix as well. I love the badass woman x badass but sensitive man mix. They are the cutest and they also save the world. They are genuinely nice people whom deserve a good life. I love both of the characters on their own and I love them together. Agent Carter’s TV show is just peng, and it is the bane of my life that is was cancelled.

Tomshiv: My latest shipwreck on the other hand… they are not good people, they are not good for each other and you could argue that they make the world a worse place… buuuutttt… they are adorable. Tom, Mr. Darcy himself, is a sensitive asshole, and Shiv is a broken duckling looking for love while making fun of anyone who dares try. Their fighting is Shakespearian and they are thus my favourite soon to be probably divorced couple. Also, I gotta say, the acting is just 👌🏼👌🏼

First ever ship:

Probably gotta say Hayffie here too. I had no idea about fanfics, fandom or Tumblr before that. I remember beeing like 12 years old and spending my entire family trip to France reading fics. As a child that didn’t find much interesse in reading, this was a huge change. Gotta say, I think it improved my English skulle as well.

Last song: Gooey by Glass Animals is a vibe. I realy enjoy listening to the entire album. It just flows, you know.

Last movie: I can barely remember the last movie I watched. I have just been watching series lately. Succession and Barry has got me hooked. I feel like it might have been The Day After Tomorrow though.

Currently reading: War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells

Currently watching: well well well, here’s the big one. SUCCESSION! And I can’t wait for the last two episodes to drop. To anyone considering watching it, I say go for it! It will have a proper ending and it is more about 3(4) sassy siblings and their cousin Greg, than it is about the logistics of running a Fortune 500 to the ground. Honestly, it’s such a great show. The acting, the filming, the writing and the characters are just superb. Powerful people acting like 5 year olds is just the best.

I am also watching the last season of Barry, another show that is really referring to watch. It is peak. I am also really happy that they are ending these great shows become the go stale, or before they are cancelled without a proper ending *cough* Westworld *cough* 1899.

Currently consuming: In about 5 min it will be a taco. 👌🏼

Currently craving: Fooood… I just got home from work and I am starving! Also, more Succession!

I have never been tagged in anything before, so this is quite exiting. I hope I have done it correctly. Thanks again @hayffiebird for tagging me! I don’t know a lot of people on tumbler, so I guess I’ll tag. some people I have admired from the shadows for a long time. There is so much talent in this app and I really appreciate all the work you guys choose to share with the group ❤️

@caleysteggy @captainjimothycarter @hayffie-ever-in-your-favor @hayffiemoments-blog @captain-steggy @ellanainthetardis @flutteringphalanges @roboticonography @allonsysilvertongue

[starshaped-raindrops]

*A faint blush appears on his cheeks, growing more apparent with each lovely word out of your mouth. When he’d suggested he was like a tree, he’d been thinking he was strong but perhaps a bit boring. Never going anywhere due to the strong roots and rigid branches, and nowhere near as vibrant and full of life as flowers. Your words, therefore, moved him greatly.* Jade. You have such a beautiful mind and heart. I admire the way you find so much beauty and positivity in things. I feel much better about being a tree now. And, at least I’m not a rock!

*He laughs a little at his own silly comment as you both go to the car. He thought, perhaps, that you had something on your mind. He was still getting to know you though, and it took him longer than other people to get the hang of deciphering other people’s body language. He hoped that if it was something that needed to be talked about, you would tell him. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable by pushing or prodding. He chuckles at your playfulness regarding the dinner options.* Well, I’ll take the difficulty of my question as a compliment. But I agree with you, yakiniku is definitely the best choice.

*His heart gallops in his chest when you skip up to the car. Gosh, you were so cute and playful. And the way your skirt fluttered about your legs had his breath catching. And the moment he thought you couldn’t have him any more starstruck, you place your dainty hand on his arm making his skin feel tingly and warm. He knew he was falling fast. Nobody had ever captivated him the way you did. Despite how early it was in the relationship, he hoped desperately that he had found his forever in you.* You don’t have to be nervous about cooking because I’ll definitely help out. I won’t just be staring at you. *he chuckles* And, I’m not the greatest cook but I’d say I’m pretty good on a grill.

*Once you’re both in the car, he sets off towards the aquarium. He had the radio on but the volume was low so that it wouldn’t disrupt the conversation. He wanted to ask you so many questions, some of them about mundane things, but it was just because he wanted to know as much about you as possible. He glances over at you as he drives.* Is it boring if I ask you how your week was? I promise I’m not just trying to make conversation. I truly want to know. 

 -Daichi❤️

(You have Daichi feeling like Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. He wants to take your hand and tell you the famous line "You have bewitched me body and soul. And I love … I love … I love you.")

*Him agreeing to yakiniku too has me relieved but I'm still a little nervous about cooking in front of him. I don't wanna mess it up or not cook things to how he likes. But he said he would help me and maybe that will give me an insight on what he likes so that I could feel good cooking for him one day. Like ... If we lived together one day. I shake my head for having that pop up in my head so soon and I try to calm down by gently tugging my skirt to cover my legs more. I had seen him look earlier and I hope that was a good thing and not because he thought I was being promiscuous*

*I couldn't help but watch him start the car and drive off to our date; I found it so handsome as he concentrated and he had a very handsome side profile. I blush when he glances over at me and I look down at my hands that nervously wringe at each other*

"Not at all! I don't think it's boring. Well, where should I star- Oh! A bakery opened up next to my work place! It's making my office smell like bread and I really love it! I've been going there almost every day to try something new but, I always get one cream filled bun. It's good with coffee! The workers there have learnt my name already since I go there all the time hahaha"

*I recount to him happily, closing my eyes a little at the thought of yummy pastries. I open them to look at him and tilt my head with a smile, again admiring how handsome he is while he drives and the way the sun shows off his tanned skin*

"I'll get some for our next date. But what about you? What have you been up to?"

(mod san! you make me blush! i'm really enjoying this RP and it's making me feel so shy like a school girl on her first date heheh. thank you for him!)

[wishfulina]

Psssst I would be interested in seeing you info dump about your original stuff 👀

Sorry this took a minute I had two long sleeps back to back. You got my hands folded together like a business deal. Because I’m about to say a whole presentation. I do have a lot of original works I do but the one I have been working on recently is called: How Romantic.

I took a lot of inspiration from Isekai stories. And it’s basically playing upon my love for romance novels. And kind of making fun of my love for romance novels. But under all the layers of my trademark sarcasm and jokes, it’s about being genuine about yourself and feelings. And how sometimes people should be allowed to have their cake and eat it too sometimes.

Here is my Plot Summary:

Cressida Rosewood could be described as disturbed when she wakes up in her least favorite book Kissed then Crowned. After screwing up her first night so royally, she is determined to keep things on script as best she can so she can go home. As time goes on, she sees that she’s not the only thing deviating from the book. With everything going on, she has to ask herself: can she keep things from changing too much or are some stories worth re-writing?

Here are the main characters.

Cressida Rosewood:

The protagonist of How Romantic. A Marketing Major who is on the brink of dropping out of school. She feels she’s lost all control in her life. Her only solace is her love of romance novels. She is a generally charming and passionate person, however her whimsical nature can cause her to come off as aloof. The whimsy is what tends to get her in trouble.

I draw her the most. Mostly because she’s the most fun to draw in my opinion. I constantly change her hairstyle because as a black woman I change my hair all the time. Since she ends up being a rich woman in high society, I think she would change her hair very often. A lot of wigs and elaborate hairstyles both natural and not. Think kind of like Queen Charlotte in Bridgerton. (Though the go to is actually this long cornrow style I’ll be showing off later.)

Even though in the description I mention a lot of different traits about her. One that I didn’t mention though it is true is that she is very kind. The thing that keeps causing conflict is that she is very kind and sometimes adhering to the script is to allow cruelty which is a good struggle for her to have.

Prince Roman:

Originally a very arrogant and manipulative love interest in the book Kissed then Crowned. Used to getting his way, Prince Roman found himself living a very listless and unmeaningful life. But because it's comfortable, he’s terrified of taking on real responsibility. Though he puts on the confidence of someone who never loses, it's because there is such little opposition. But as it turns out, he actually likes a little challenge. Perhaps he likes it more than he thought.

As I was working on this I realize Cress is the only one I draw by herself. So, I drew this quick portrait of thee prince.

All that aside, he’s Cress’s least favorite character. But somehow he has become my favorite to write. The trope “guy who sucks changes due to the power of love” is annoying which is why I had to add it. Kinda. His whole character arc is about him changing himself but the catalyst being the main character. (Mr. Darcy Style) He went from like “the guy who’s the worst” to silly goofy guy. I noticed that sometimes “love interests who supposedly become better people due to the main character” sort of stay the same and they just gaslight you into thinking they are better people. He is that but in this new version he actually does change.

Justine Hart:

The heroine of Kissed then Crowned. A countess who has had a very rough life after her mother’s death. She is kind hearted and sweet but overall a naive pushover. She is unsure on how to stand up for what she wants or even find out what that is. However, she has the potential to be someone who is truly happy.

I didn’t feel like drawing another portrait so here’s a wip of something I am drawing with her in it.

As much as I like spunky girls as main characters. I also like the soft hearted protagonist. She’s supposed to be one of the Cinderella-esque main characters who are on a few steps from Disney princess. I think that there’s actually nothing wrong with these types of characters. Justine was actually considered a highlight to Cress from the book she’s from.

There are like a bunch more important characters such as Prince Damian, the brother of Prince Roman who is Cress’s actual favorite character, Madison who is Cress’s childhood best friend who had also ended up in the aforementioned novel. But these three are the Most Important Ones.

In writing this I actually had to make two outlines. One for the book that the story is set in Kissed then Crown, and also the actual story I’m writing How Romantic.

I don’t want to make this post to long so I’ll just leave you with the first art piece I’ve ever made for the story.

[literatibarbie]

Rory squealed with delight and lept from the stool she was perched upon to plant a soft kiss on his cheek, lingering there briefly to breathe in his scent- leather, coffee, and the faint aroma of cigarette smoke which made her head swim. If she was honest, she wasn’t sure Jess would comply with her plans. Holidays and social gatherings never were his thing- but she was determined to show him how fun Halloween in Stars Hollow could be and make him feel included. She settled back into her seat and swept her hair from her shoulder gracefully, trying to ignore the delicate ticklish sensation that bloomed in her stomach.

“Okay, so it’s Darcy and Elizabeth, or James Dean and Audrey Hepburn. But I still think you would make a very handsome Mr. Darcy.” she teased, though completely serious in her assessment. Jess would probably look good in anything- he seemed to be able to make anything silly seem cool. She rifled through the bags of costumes and pulled out the two options for him to see. “You can choose, and I’ll even let you decide on the scary movies we watch while we wait for the cookies to bake.” She added, her face glowing with excitement “-I'll even make sure my mom stays on the porch so we can have some privacy by bribing her with baked goods. Deal?”

"No. Absolutely not, one hundred percent no," he asserted firmly, his resolve unmistakable. “No to the sideburns and no to the stupid…” He gestured dismissively, his hand tracing an imaginary line around his neck. “collar. I was being kind by taking you up on the boom suggestion, a mere act of pity if will. But I did not know that came with a side order of ugly shorter- than - hiking- mom- capris with it.” Jess stirred his coffee, metal spoon melodically clinking against the porcelain mug.

He was always at attempt of putting up a strong front towards the girl as he did everyone else, but she always managed to worm her way right into his heart, how could he be anything less than sincere for the girl. "I'd pay good money to see you try, sounds amusing" he teased, shrugging his shoulder as he leaned back against the diner chair—poking fun at the notion of Rory wearing one of those split costumes reminiscent of a traveling circus act. "Fine," he sighed, the spoon dropping onto the counter with a louder clatter than he had intended. He leaned over, quickly grabbing the shopping bag that assumingely held his hideous costume. “Let’s see the damage”. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to abort immediately But her face, that enamouring face, rendered him powerless. That look she always threw him when he had disagreed or denied or disappointed yet again always managed to tug on his heart strings. Those large, ocean-like eyes, her delicate lips, and those always so rosey cheeks – she practically had the looks of an angel.

How could he ever utter the word "no" in her presence? Is this what was always going on in the heads of the men in his books? Mushy, messy love? He’d rather accept the fate of his future costume though than ever admit such a thing.

Jess pulled out each piece of the costume, eyebrows laced together as he set each item down on the counter. “And you’re sure /this/ is what you want us to wear?” He threw a glance towards Rory, eyebrow raised waiting for her confirmation.

[bethanydelleman]

Possible Other Book Pairings Part 1: Pride & Prejudice

I’m kind of a strange JAFF writer because I have very few One True Pairings. The only pairing in Jane Austen I will not mess with is Henry Tilney and Catherine Morland because I love them too much. I’ll happily kill Elizabeth Bennet or make her and Darcy never meet. And I am always trying to get Fanny away from Edmund. I might write up some of these in the future, but here are my possible cross book pairings for P&P characters:

I wrote a Persuasion and P&P crossover (which you can currently read for free) and spoilers, the pairings were Louisa Musgrove & Bingley, Anne & Darcy, Elizabeth & Wentworth, Jane & Captain Benwick, and Caroline & Mr. Elliot (he likes her, it’s fine). I also prevented the Wickham/Lydia debacle and Mary married Mr. Collins.

Northanger Abbey: I think Darcy would be interested in Eleanor Tilney, but he’d probably see Catherine as a little sister. Bingley might be drawn in by Isabella Thorpe but he’d get over her pretty fast. Caroline divides her flirting time between Frederick Tilney and Darcy. I think Elizabeth would find Henry Tilney fun but I don’t know if they would actually work as a couple (they both like to talk too much). I think Jane might be better suited to Henry. Lydia would probably actually like John Thorpe and would definitely be BFFs with Isabella.

Emma: Emma and Darcy would probably like each other but that pairing would be THE WORST and WE CANNOT ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN. I am fairly certain that Darcy wouldn’t agree to move to Hartfield full time so we are safe. Emma and Darcy are basically the same person and I think they’d bring out the absolute worst in each other. Bingley would probably like Jane Fairfax, and I could see Frank Churchill being interested in Georgiana (aged up a little), though he’d flirt with Elizabeth. I think Elizabeth would be happy with John Knightley. Lydia and Kitty would be all gaga over the Hot Preacher Mr. Elton, but as he’s looking for money he’d be after the newly rich Miss King. Charlotte makes a play for Mr. Woodhouse. I could also see Jane being happy with Mr. Weston.

Sense and Sensibility: Darcy would probably love Elinor and hate Marianne. Bingley goes for Marianne’s looks, not sure if he would like her personality... but to be honest he might find it endearing. Lucy Steele would be ready to try for both Darcy and Bingley, probably focusing on the easier mark of Bingley. I think he would see through her and Darcy certainly would. Wickham would try for Sophia Grey. Elizabeth would probably love Willoughby and then be disgusted by him when she found out the truth. I could see Jane liking Colonel Brandon. I’m not sure if anyone pairs well with Edward… maybe Jane? Jane can’t marry everyone! Lydia and Kitty would be all over Willoughby but probably dismiss Colonel Brandon as too old. None of the men are rich enough for Caroline.

Mansfield Park: Bingley has trouble picking between the two beautiful Miss Bertrams but settles on Julia because she actually has an okay personality. Darcy is completely uninterested in them, but is drawn in by Mary Crawford. He clues in to her amorality WAY FASTER than Edmund and then falls for Fanny because she is awesome (she also activates Saviour Complexes and we know Darcy has one of those). Elizabeth would probably like Henry Crawford but if he tried the flirting-with-multiple-sisters thing she would shut him down (because she actually has good sister relationships). I could see Edmund maybe getting together with Jane. Caroline tries for Tom Bertram, since he’s the heir, and has very little success because she’s not a racehorse and that’s what he’s into right now. Lydia and Kitty fawn over William Price with all his exciting sea journeys. Henry Crawford probably wouldn’t actually marry.

(And yes, I leave out Mary Bennet a lot, I just don’t find her very interesting or likable...)

[superfics-forone]

Just Friends

SUMMARY: Sam asks the group who they think are the “hottest” members of the team. You don’t make the cute for Bucky’s top five.

Bucky x TALL!Reader

W/C: 5,800

WARNINGS: angst, swearing (like two f bombs), cannon level violence, Bucky being an idiot (it’s a warning), physical insecurities, fake science

A/N: I wrote this because the top 5 situation actually happened to me IRL and when you don’t make someone you like’s list, it sucks. Also, this is in no way meant as being against people who are smaller! I am just a tall/plus size woman and sometimes that really makes you feel like you’re unattractive to people because you don’t fit the gender norm. Let me know what you think! I’m pretty new at this so I’d appreciate the feedback!

Also, HUGE shout out to @princessmisery666 for being so patient and supportive! Thank you for being my beta! Your comments were so incredibly helpful!

The best part about working with Bucky was that you got to see him everyday. The worst part was that you were constantly reminded that he wasn’t attracted to you.

You knew you were a good looking woman, people would often tell you that. It usually happened when you weren’t necessarily feeling your prettiest. Somehow that made it worse. Others would compliment you but he never would. Even when you knew you looked good- like you had put in extra effort and actually tried that day- still he would give you nothing.

You sat across from him in the common room looking at all the other Avengers wondering why he didn’t feel the same when you finally got your answer.

“Alright man,” Sam called out to the group. “Top five, let’s go.”

“Top five?” asked Clint, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. “Top five what?”

Everyone looked back to Sam, - “Top five on who you think is lookin’ most fine”.

“You want us to rate each other?” You asked incredulously.

“Naw, man!” Sam replied. “I want to know who you think are the top five most attractive! Male and female!”

You slunk back into the sofa, both curious and terrified of the conversation to come.

You heard huffs from the others but no one objected. Vision went first and of course he could only answer with; “I believe all of you are inherently lovely. I couldn’t possibly pick a top five of those who I find to be most attractive.” As soon as he finished and the room was no longer focused on him though he leaned over to Wanda and said something in her ear that made her blush.

You brought your cup up to your lips to hide your smile. You loved how happy they were after having been through so much heartbreak.

Sam went next, “Imma say, Wanda, Nat, Gamora’s got it goin’ on…for an alien…Hill - don’t tell her I said that- and…Y/N,” he said throwing you a wink.

You smiled but shook your head with a roll of your eyes. You knew the only reason he said your name was because you were in the room. He was trying to be kind. Men didn’t seem to be actively lining up to be with you…it might have something to do with them being intimidated by you being an Avenger but who could possibly know

“Sam you would think anything with legs that gave you the time of day was hot,” Bucky shot.

The others laughed but Sam shot back, “alright, Tin Man, who’s on your list? Okoye?”

“Yeah for one! I would be dead before I could make a move but sure! She’s dangerous and stunning!” He took a swig of bourbon as if he was done.

“Alright then who else?” Wanda leaned forward winking at you.

You shot her a warning look. You had only told her how you felt about Bucky once on a drunken night after finding out he had gone on date with another recruit. Jealousy had reared its ugly head and she could feel your angst that night. You had asked Wanda how; “A tiny little thing that would barely hold her own in the ring,” could possibly catch his eye. It was as if the only thing he saw you as was an ear to listen to his problems and a soldier he could rely on in the field. You had seen them together multiple times since then and every time it pained you more.

She was everything you weren’t. Barely five foot, two inches tall with a skinny frame to match, and a nicely formed backside. In reality you couldn’t be mad at Bucky. He deserved to be happy. He was your friend and you wanted that for him. You just wanted that particular happiness too.

“Okay, okay!” Bucky’s hands came up in surrender as he finished his drink and leaned back to think, He sat so close to you his left bicep of his folded arms brushed yours with every breath he took.“Okoye? Sure…uh… in no particular order…Wanda, Nat, Darcy, and the little woman, Kris, from reception.”

“It seems, Mr. Barnes”, said Vision, “that you prefer mates who are significantly smaller than you. I do believe that of that group, Wanda is the tallest one.”

“Which isn’t really saying much because I’m only five, six”, she complained.

“The perfect height my dear.” Wanda smiled at that and kissed Vision’s cheek .

You took another long sip of your drink as you registered what had been said. Your stomach soured as you finished the glass. Not so much from the alcohol as from the realization that the man who you had secretly been pinning over didn’t even list you as attractive enough to make his top five.

You felt like you knew why. It was just too much. You weren’t small and dainty like those on his list. You had big bones and a can do attitude. You wouldn’t take crap from people. And because you were so tall you could come off as intimidating…or so some men had told you.

“I’m going to get another drink,” You whispered to no one in particular.

But Sam really couldn’t read a room and he called you out. “No, no! Who’s on your list Y/N?”

“Oh no!” You said dryly. “I’d have to be much drunker for that conversation. For now, I'll keep my opinions to myself.”

You spotted Bucky’s surprised face before you made your way over to the bar. The conversation carried on behind you as you refilled your glass. Thoughts of Bucky’s revelation clouding your mind. You were never going to be good enough for him because you were just too big. Too tall. Too much. He liked the smallest, most petite women in the compound. Feeling your emotions swelling,you decided to grab the bottle and made your way quietly out of the room while the ruckus continued.

Once on your floor you closed the door behind you with a forceful slam, “FRIDAY!! Lock the door and don’t open it for anyone!!”

“Yes, Miss Y/L/N.”

The rest of the night was spent on the floor in your sweats drinking from your bottle of whiskey and feeling sorry for yourself and all the things you couldn’t be because of biology.

You weren’t sure if it was a drunken stupor or your imagination but at one point you could have sworn you heard a knock only for it to go away just as quickly.

…

The next day you had an awful hangover and didn’t get out of bed. Bucky came to your door for your normal morning run.

“Tell him I’m not going, Friday.”

“He would like to know why, Miss.”

“Tell him it’s my time of the month.”

“Your time of the month was last week, Miss.”

“Who’s side are you on, Friday? Just tell him I’m sick.”

“Very well, Miss.”

It was silent for a few moments and you had thought that would be enough to get Bucky off your back for now.

“Mr. Barnes would like to know if you’d like to see Dr. Cho, Miss.”

“Uuuugggghhhh,” you rolled out of bed and marched over, irritated that the one person you didn’t want to see was at your door.Pulling it open with a huff you practically screamed. “What?!?”

“Woah!” Bucky jumped back startled at your disheveled appearance and puffy eyes. “I just want to make sure you’re alright, doll. You didn’t come back last night and you never answered the door when I came to check on you.”

So there was a knock last night.

You couldn’t look him in the eye as your eyes filled with tears again, this time with shame. “I’m fine, Bucky.” You started shutting the door quickly and he stuck his hand on it preventing you from closing it again.

“Y/N…what’s…”

“Bucky, I just need some rest okay?” You cut him off, “I’m fine. I promise I’ll be right as rain tomorrow.” You smiled weakly.

Bucky searched your face as if trying to find what you weren’t telling him in your eyes. But you were an Avenger and you knew how to school your features to show nothing.

Bucky sighed and shook his head, “alright, doll. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”

“Yes, fine,” you said pushing him out the door. Your eyes had flooded with tears again. You didn’t look up to see Bucky’s hurt and concerned face as you closed the door again and put your back to it.

You held your breath listening for his footsteps to retreat before sinking to the floor and crying.

…

The next day was an all out avoid Bucky day. You weren’t sure you could take the questions and worried looks he was sure to give you. Instead, you decided that what you needed was time away from such temptation. And so, you went in to ask Steve for an overseas long assignment.

“You sure about this one, Y/N. It’s a 9 month solo mission. It’s going to be long and it’s going to be lonely.”

“Yes. I’m sure. I need some time to myself.”

Steve looked at you with understanding and pity. He could see how you felt about Bucky even if he couldn’t get his best friend to see it as well.

“Alright,” he said, “suit up. You leave in 2 hours.”

South Africa wasn’t the worst assignment. It wouldn’t take long for you to get the information you needed. And the separation from Bucky would be good for you.

You finished checking your last weapon and loaded it as well as a pair of throwing knives, a gift from Bucky, into your duffle before looking around your room one more time.

You headed to the door and almost made it out until the picture of you and Bucky on your dresser made you stop. Picking it up you smiled at the memory of the minor league baseball game you’d attended together. You had won tickets and no one else was available that night. When you’d offered the tickets to Bucky you couldn’t believe that he said yes! It was the true start of your friendship, talking about life and how much it had changed for him but also how little it had changed for you. He couldn’t believe it when you started singing all the words to “I’ll never smile again”.

“You think I don’t know music? I’m quite cultured, Mr. Barnes!” You had said with a laugh.

“I never said you weren’t, sweetheart!”

Coming back out of your revelry with a start you put the picture back down on the dresser and turned to the door. You were going to get over this infatuation, even if it killed you. Supposedly time heals all wounds. Well you weren’t sure if there was ever going to be enough time but you could get distance.

…

Hours later Bucky came in to tell you about the relationship problems he was having with the girl from reception. She just didn’t seem to understand him and kept picking fights. You had become his confidant and had saved his relationship once before so would most likely be able to do it again.

He was almost to your room when he noticed your door was ajar. Slowing he moved closer and pushed it in silently. The room was neat and quiet. Your bed folded nicely as though it was always that way.

Bucky knew that you never made your bed until you were right about to get in it. Or unless you were going on a trip.

Checking carefully he started to notice things missing. Your favorite slippers were gone. Your tooth brush and favorite stuffed animal turtle were also missing. All of the things that you felt you had to have with you were gone.

Then he saw the picture frame on the dresser. Picking it up he too smiled at the memory, then frowned. It was still here. You almost always took this with you. Why was it still here but everything else you held of value was gone.

“Friday, where is Y/N?”

“Miss Y/L/N has volunteered for a mission, sir.”

“Where?”

“That information is classified.”

“Okay, when will she be back?”

“That information is classified.”

“Alright, who else went on the mission,” he asked hoping whoever it was would have your back.

“All other Avengers are currently in the compound.”

“So she went by herself?” Bucky fumed.

“That information is classified.”

“Damn robots!”

Bucky stormed out and found Steve in the kitchen.

“Where did you send her, punk!

Steve didn’t even look up from his newspaper, knowing exactly what his best friend was talking about.

“She’ll be fine, Buck. She just needs some time to herself.”

“So send her to Fiji! Not a solo mission!!”

“This is her call Bucky. You’ve got to trust her.”

Bucky spun on his heel and headed to the computer lab. He knew he was being irrational but if no one else was going to look after your well-being then he was going to have to do it himself.

It took him all day but he finally unencrypted the files for your mission. You were to carry out a recon mission in Port Elizabeth on a supposed Hydra base. It was a far cry from Fiji but you wouldn’t be in immediate danger.

Still he came in everyday to check in on your reports and find out how the events in the country were progressing. He had even convinced Torres to help him set up notifications to his phone if something were to go wrong. He had, very nicely, threatened him with knives if he didn’t set up Stark’s satellite to keep an eye on you.

After three weeks he was really starting to miss your company. Every time he went out with Kris from reception he realized that she just wasn’t as interesting as you. They didn’t have the same camaraderie and chemistry as the two of you did.

So when his phone dinged at 2:30am he looked at the notification. It was a satellite image of you on your apartment porch drinking coffee. You seemed at ease and calm at your small table. Your hair down and wearing a long red dress. He went to the live feed of the satellite but when he did you weren’t there.

Bucky refreshed the page again thinking it may be just an error. But his rising heartbeat made him think differently. When the screen came back he noticed the upturned coffee mug and the newspapers on the ground.

Bucky flew from his bed and raced down the hall to the command room. Steve and Tony were already there, still in their pajamas.

“…it’s not as if she has a tracker in her, Stark!”

“Well maybe she should! Maybe we should make it a standard issue! Everyone gets a tracker! Friday! Make a note!”

“Yes sir.” replied the AI.

“Tony, we need to focus on the…”

“Where is she?!” Bucky growled.

Both men turned around in surprise. Steve recovered first, his eyes sympathetic for his friend’s worry. “We’re not sure, Buck. These images were only taken 4 hours ago.” He clicked to zoom in closer, “but we did get this.”

He zoomed all the way into the kitchen window behind where you’d sat drinking coffee, where a face reflected in the glass. Bucky looked on in rage, hands in tight fists, as the image became clearer and Zemo came into focus.

…

You awoke with a start, unaware of your surroundings. You sat on a bed in a bare room with a single one way mirror. A metal chair sat by the wall and you noticed no handle on the door. Trying to piece together what had happened you recalled your last memory.

A beautiful morning, the sun shining on the water, a freshly brewed cup of coffee. You sat in your apartment in Port Elizabeth, a pain in your neck…

“Zemo,” you whispered.

“Ah, you’re awake,” said the speaker above you. “I’m sorry about the dramatics but it was necessary. You’re a very important piece of the puzzle.”

“Let me guess,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “You don’t like the way the world is being saved by the Avengers and you think you could do better.”

“Actually I want something else, мой дорогой. I need you.”

“What?” you cried befuddled. “Why on earth would you need me?”

“Do you know what TX-39 is?”

“Yes, I have an entire codex of arbitrary numbers logged away in my brain,” you retorted.

Zemo didn’t pause at your sarcasm. “TX-39 is the compound used to create nucleotides that bond onto nerve endings. By doing so they suspend brain signals stopping all neuro function and rendering the subject immoble. Something you have experienced first hand. By combining a nanotech inhibitor with this nerve ending your subject’s direct motor function is now open to...suggestions.”

You sat astounded as you registered what he had told you. You looked down at your hands but you didn’t feel different. There was no way something like this could work.

“What better way to get rid of a super soldier than to create your own?” Zemo said. You felt a slight buzz in your spine as you stood up quickly trying to resist. Running to the mirror you pulled back your arm, ready to punch your way out, but an inch from the glass your arm stopped. “Ironic that the Soldat will come to save you, only to be the one who needs to be saved.” With that you felt the electricity in your spine disappear and your body was your own again.

Frustration built within you as you sat back on the bed for a moment processing his statement. Your face became more and more incredulous until finally you burst out laughing. You continued laughing harder and harder at the absurdity of Zemo’s reasoning.

“You think I’m the one he is going to come after,” you laughed. “You think you picked the right mouse for your trap? You’re going to wait a long time if you think he’s going to come and get me.”

During your first few weeks away you had missed Bucky fiercely. Leaving him behind so abruptly had felt like severing a part of yourself, but the last few weeks had been good for you. You had forgotten what it was like to rely on yourself. You had grown into yourself again and had realized how little Bucky had actually cared for you when he never came to find you. He hadn’t so much as picked up the phone after you had left. It was as if you had never existed in the first place.

“Bucky doesn’t care about me,” you said sardonically. “He never has. We are barely even friends.You picked the wrong mouse, Zemo. ”

“We’ll see, дорогой,” and with a click he was gone.

Your brain shifted in and out of the conversation with Zemo. Looking down at your hands, you prayed it wasn’t true. You knew that what had happened at the window was real but you didn’t want to believe it. You had been turned into a weapon to hurt your friends. To hurt Bucky.

Crossing your arms over your chest you laid down on the bed, rolled over to face the wall, and cried.

…

Avengers Compound

“There is a five mile radius around Agent Y/L/N last known location,” said Fury. “Two man teams will sweep the area in a grid formation while the drones scan for energy signatures. Any questions?”

All those around the table sat silent, but nodded confirmation of their understanding of the objective. Fury looked around the room, “This mother fucker took one of ours and I wanna know why. Let’s get going.”

Bucky stood up from the table and made his way out of the room to the Quinjet hangar. Steve pulled on his arm before entering the plane. “I know what’s going through your mind right now Buck, but we are going to get her back”.

Bucky looked at the ground before raising his eyes to his friend. “He knew how to get to me, Steve. He always knows where to hurt me. He couldn’t use you. You’re too difficult to overpower. So he had to pick her. I just,” Bucky wasn’t sure how to finish his thought. Words never came easily to him and he wasn’t sure he could really express what he was feeling. “I just want her safe.”

After you had left Bucky felt hollow inside. He hadn’t realized how much joy you brought to his day with your smiles and jokes. Always knowing what to say, or at least, what he needed to hear. Your departure made him realize he needed you. Boarding the jet Bucky knew that no matter what happened he was going to tell you how he felt.

…

The team had been sweeping through the city for what felt like hours and there still hadn’t been any developments. Walking through another alleyway Bucky scanned the cobblestone streets. He was beginning to lose hope at ever finding you at all when he saw an uneven line in between two buildings.

Pressing his comm link he called out, “Steve, I’ve got something. I’m going to check it out.”

“Bucky, wait for backup. We’ll come to you.”

Feeling along the wall Bucky felt a draft between the cracks. Unholstering the gun at his hip he pushed against the wall feeling it give way.

“I’m going in. Follow my location.”

“Bucky, wait!” Steve called.

Bucky ignored his calls and continued down the dimly lit hall. The walls opened up to a staircase leading down to a command room. The musky scent of decay and scotch filled Bucky’s nostrils.

“Privet, Soldat,” Zemo called from the darkness.

Bucky whirled around to find nothing.

“Have you come for your little mouse?”

Still searching, Bucky said nothing as the sound came from a different corner of the room.

“Have you realized how much you miss her?”

Bucky circled again, coming up to a window.

“I wonder what it is? Is it her sweetness that draws you? Or her willingness to see you for more than the killer you are?”

Bucky frowned. Zemo was playing with him.

“Or have you realized that her fire is what draws you to her? She does have a talented tongue. I’ve seen her put it to good use,” Zemo provoked. “I have enjoyed having her in my company, but it seems you really never appreciated her spirit, did you?”

Bucky continued searching the room as Zemo continued his monologue. Coming up to the computer he saw a paused video feed. It played as soon as he stepped forward.

Bucky saw you in a room, still in your red sundress. Your hair was matted and you had the look in your eye of anger and exasperation. When you spoke, Bucky felt the wind rush out of his lungs.

“Bucky doesn’t care about me,” you said sardonically. “He never has. We are barely even friends.”

“A pity she never saw you care, but I suppose it’s only fair that you tell her now.”

The door beside the window clicked open with a beep. You came out of the cell with a look of wary surprise on your face. “Bucky?”

“Now is your moment, Sergeant Barnes. Why not tell her how you feel before it's too late,” called Zemo.

Bucky holstered his gun and walked toward you. “Y/N? Are you okay? Come on, let's get out of here.”

He grabbed your hand and turned to go but you were rooted to the spot. Your breathing became heavy as you felt the tingling sensation in your spine again.

“Bucky, I need you to leave,” you cried, dread dripping from your voice.

“What? No,sweetheart, come on! I’m not leaving you.”

“Bucky, I…” you started.

“Last chance to declare yourself, Soldat.”

Looking up in anger, Bucky yelled. “Shut up, Zemo. I’m not performing for you-” Bucky’s head turned in surprise as you punched him across the face. “What the hell, Y/N?”

“It wasn’t me!” you cried as you dropped and kicked his legs out from under him.

Bucky rolled over quickly to pick himself up as you followed him swinging punches at his head and kicks to his stomach. Your moves were both erratic and efficient as they landed multiple times. It was all Bucky could do to block your assault and move out of the way.

“This isn’t me!” you cried again between punches. “Zemo is controlling me with nanotech!”

Bucky threw up an arm to block your punch before flipping you around by your arm and pressing you to the wall. He didn’t want to hurt you but he was pretty sure that it wasn’t the most comfortable position.

“It’s okay, Y/N. We’re going to get you out of this.”

Your foot kicked his leg and you pushed yourself over and around his head and away from the wall. Grabbing the knife at his hip as you slipped out of his grip, you threw it into his thigh.

Bucky looked at you in surprise and annoyance. “Sorry!” you winced. Pulling the knife from his leg he tossed it to the floor.

“Look, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere, but try not to kill me, okay?”

“It’s not like I’m doing this on purpose Bucky!” you huffed as you charged at him.

“Well I’m just trying to get you out of the problem you put yourself in!” You had grabbed another knife and went to stab him. Bucky caught the knife and twisted your hand but the knife snagged your dress and tore the skirt as you fought to wrestle it away.

Your eyes flared with anger and the next punch you threw had a little extra heft in it.

“That I put myself in? How about you, Mr. Barge-into-a-room-with-no-back-up!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you liked being saved! Although you’re one to talk! You came on a mission without backup!” Bucky rolled across the computer console out of the way of your next kick, getting agitated at your attitude.

“Because I needed space!” you yelled as you followed him around the computer desk.

“Space? Space from what?” Bucky yelled back, actually throwing a punch that you easily evaded.

“You! You idiot!” it burst out of you as you came up swinging before pushing him to the ground.

Bucky looked up at you with his eyes wide. You had him straddled under your legs. Bucky brought his arms up to block your punches while he tried to talk to you.

“Why would you need space from me? I don’t understand. You left without warning, without saying goodbye! Your mission was classified so I had to hack F.R.I.D.A.Y to even find out where you were!”

Your body was starting to fatigue from the strain of the fight as you continued to land blow after blow. You were fit and well trained but because your body was not your own you were blowing through energy rapidly. Your breaths were coming in short gasps as your chest heaved at each punch. If you kept this up, you weren’t sure how much time you would have before your body gave out entirely.

“Y/N, you left a huge gap! You were my best friend and then you were gone! You wouldn’t even talk to me before you left! You didn’t tell me you were leaving. I couldn’t even call you because the mission was supposed to be classified!”

Maybe it was the fatigue, maybe the hopelessness you felt, but you gave him everything you had left as you pummeled into him. Frustration over your situation, frustration at him, frustration at yourself built up inside you.

“I WILL NOT BE YOUR STAND IN! I will not be second best. I can’t look on anymore as you find someone smaller, cuter, littler to fit perfectly into your life! I deserve to be wanted! I deserve to be desired!” you screamed at the man beneath you as tears streamed down your cheeks.

Bucky finally bucked his hips and flipped you under him, pinning your hands to the ground next to your head.

“Get off of me! Let me go!” you had finally had enough. The damn had broken and your emotions and insecurities raged inside you. Your body pulled and twisted to break free from his grip.

“You do deserve to be desired,” Bucky said calmly as he caged you beneath him. “You are nobody's stand in. You’re perfect just as you are.” He wanted to say more but it was all he could do to keep you pinned under him.

The team burst down into the control room to see you openly weeping and Bucky on top of you.

“Nat, I need you to put an electric burst in my arm.” Bucky said looking up.

“I’m sorry, you what?” asked Nat.

“Just do it!” he said as you fought harder against him.

With a nod from Steve, Nat waved her baton and zapped Bucky’s arm causing both of you to scream in pain. When your body finally stopped seizing, the lack of adrenaline and the pain and fatigue caught up to you and you passed out in Bucky’s arms.

“You want to explain why I just pushed fifty thousand volts through you two?”

“Zemo infected her with some kind of nano tech. She hasn’t been in control this entire time.”

Steve scanned around the room. “Alright team, fan out. See if you can find out where Zemo went. I want teams down here with sat links up in 30 minutes.”

Bucky circled the gears around in his arm to get it up and running again before scooping you carefully off the ground.

“Buck, get her on the next jet out. Dr. Cho and Banner will be waiting for you to get back.”

…

For the second time you woke up in an unfamiliar place, and struggled to get your bearings. You felt like you’d been run over by a pick up truck and tumbled through a dryer.

Feeling slowly returned to your hands as your eyes opened and your vision cleared. You were in one of the medical rooms at the compound you realized.

“Look who decided to wake up,” said a gruff voice.

Turning your head you saw Bucky sitting in the chair beside you. He looked fresh and his eyes twinkled at you.

“Bucky,” you croaked as you tried to sit up.

“Woah there. You just relax. Your body is still trying to catch up from Zemo’s nanites.”

You slumped back down in the bed as Bucky leaned forward to take your hand.

“You had me worried there for a minute, doll. You’ve been sleeping for days. Wasn’t sure when you were going to pull through.”

“You doubt me, Barnes?”

“Not for a second, sweetheart, but I sure as hell missed you.” Bucky smiled, then looked down for a moment as if trying to find the right words. “We need to talk about why you left, Y/N.”

“No, Bucky, I...it doesn’t matter.” You say looking away. “It’s not important.”

“I don’t know, I’d say you thinking you don’t matter to me is pretty important.” You turned to look at him sharply, mouth open in a small gasp. “And I’d also say that you thinking I don’t find you desirable is pretty important too.”

You sat in shock as he spoke, not wanting to break the way you had during your fight.

“Y/N, you are perfect. You knew me before I even knew myself. You light up the whole room just by being in it. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You are strong, independent, kind, and gentle. You’re like a tall Asgardian goddess. Every inch of you is beautiful. I thought back to the last time we talked...before you left, and I realized why you did. I know why you thought I wasn’t attracted to you. That night, Sam’s list,” he paused as if pained at the memory, “I didn’t add you because...well, because I was so confused at how I was feeling. You were my friend. I didn’t realize till it was too late that I was already falling in love with you. And I most definitely didn’t want to give Sam anymore ammunition.”

You looked up at him sharply when he dropped the L word.

Bucky stood to reposition himself on the edge of your bed. Taking your face in his hands he leans forward until your foreheads barely touch. “I didn’t want to ruin things with you. You were my friend. You were perfect and I thought you deserved better so I ran to find something that was everything you weren’t. You are my perfect fit. You are just right. You are the only person I want. Please tell me you’re mine. Please tell me I haven’t lost you.”

You brought your hand up to rest over his as you let his words wash over you.

He wanted you. He thought you were beautiful. All of you. All of the parts people had told you were too much: your height, your attitude, your independence - he wanted it all.

You did something that you wanted to do for months, you brought your lips up to his softly and gave him a chaste kiss. “I was always yours Bucky,” You pulled his hands down and pushed him away to look into his eyes, “but I won’t be taken for granted anymore. I shouldn’t have to leave for you to want me. I shouldn’t have to be gone for you to realize what you had. I left for a reason. It was to find peace with myself. I realized that I didn’t need your approval. I didn’t need your desire to be whole. I won’t settle for someone who can’t see what’s right in front of them. I know my worth.”

Bucky looked at you sorrowfully as he held onto your fingers, memorizing their shape. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you feel like you weren’t enough.”

“I know, but it happened. I don’t need you to be happy, Bucky...” Bucky hung his head in dejection. “...But I do want you.”

Bucky looked up at you sharply to find your eyes full of love and warmth. You wanted him. Even after all that happened - how he forced you away, how he made you feel like you weren’t good enough, you were still willing to forgive him. You wanted him even with all his faults.

You brought him closer for another kiss and savored the way his lips fell across yours. Breaking away to look up at him you said what you had been holding in for months, “And I love you too.”

Tags: @princessmisery666 @dreamwritesimagines