#cross book pairings
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Possible Other Book Pairings Part 1: Pride & Prejudice
Iâm kind of a strange JAFF writer because I have very few One True Pairings. The only pairing in Jane Austen I will not mess with is Henry Tilney and Catherine Morland because I love them too much. Iâll happily kill Elizabeth Bennet or make her and Darcy never meet. And I am always trying to get Fanny away from Edmund. I might write up some of these in the future, but here are my possible cross book pairings for P&P characters:
I wrote a Persuasion and P&P crossover (which you can currently read for free) and spoilers, the pairings were Louisa Musgrove & Bingley, Anne & Darcy, Elizabeth & Wentworth, Jane & Captain Benwick, and Caroline & Mr. Elliot (he likes her, itâs fine). I also prevented the Wickham/Lydia debacle and Mary married Mr. Collins.
Northanger Abbey:Â I think Darcy would be interested in Eleanor Tilney, but heâd probably see Catherine as a little sister. Bingley might be drawn in by Isabella Thorpe but heâd get over her pretty fast. Caroline divides her flirting time between Frederick Tilney and Darcy. I think Elizabeth would find Henry Tilney fun but I donât know if they would actually work as a couple (they both like to talk too much). I think Jane might be better suited to Henry. Lydia would probably actually like John Thorpe and would definitely be BFFs with Isabella.
Emma:Â Emma and Darcy would probably like each other but that pairing would be THE WORST and WE CANNOT ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN. I am fairly certain that Darcy wouldnât agree to move to Hartfield full time so we are safe. Emma and Darcy are basically the same person and I think theyâd bring out the absolute worst in each other. Bingley would probably like Jane Fairfax, and I could see Frank Churchill being interested in Georgiana (aged up a little), though heâd flirt with Elizabeth. I think Elizabeth would be happy with John Knightley. Lydia and Kitty would be all gaga over the Hot Preacher Mr. Elton, but as heâs looking for money heâd be after the newly rich Miss King. Charlotte makes a play for Mr. Woodhouse. I could also see Jane being happy with Mr. Weston.
Sense and Sensibility: Darcy would probably love Elinor and hate Marianne. Bingley goes for Marianneâs looks, not sure if he would like her personality... but to be honest he might find it endearing. Lucy Steele would be ready to try for both Darcy and Bingley, probably focusing on the easier mark of Bingley. I think he would see through her and Darcy certainly would. Wickham would try for Sophia Grey. Elizabeth would probably love Willoughby and then be disgusted by him when she found out the truth. I could see Jane liking Colonel Brandon. Iâm not sure if anyone pairs well with Edward⌠maybe Jane? Jane canât marry everyone! Lydia and Kitty would be all over Willoughby but probably dismiss Colonel Brandon as too old. None of the men are rich enough for Caroline.
Mansfield Park:Â Bingley has trouble picking between the two beautiful Miss Bertrams but settles on Julia because she actually has an okay personality. Darcy is completely uninterested in them, but is drawn in by Mary Crawford. He clues in to her amorality WAY FASTER than Edmund and then falls for Fanny because she is awesome (she also activates Saviour Complexes and we know Darcy has one of those). Elizabeth would probably like Henry Crawford but if he tried the flirting-with-multiple-sisters thing she would shut him down (because she actually has good sister relationships). I could see Edmund maybe getting together with Jane. Caroline tries for Tom Bertram, since heâs the heir, and has very little success because sheâs not a racehorse and thatâs what heâs into right now. Lydia and Kitty fawn over William Price with all his exciting sea journeys. Henry Crawford probably wouldnât actually marry.
(And yes, I leave out Mary Bennet a lot, I just donât find her very interesting or likable...)
#jane austen#JAFF#jane austen fan fiction#pride and prejudice#northanger abbey#emma#mr. darcy#elizabeth bennet#sense and sensibility#mansfield park#persuasion#cross book pairings#I'm sorry Mary Bennet fans but I find her really pretentious and annoying#And very callous in the face of what happens to Lydia
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â¤ď¸ & đ
#guess whose photobook came#most of the book is solo and group shots but they did photos of like every pair combo and i think theirs is the cutest#also their cross talk photo :)#umbrella.photobooks#boonboomger#super sentai#bakuage sentai boonboomger#umbrella.posts#đ#đď¸#bark out! get on! spoilers
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#ok I get that everyone mad etc but it drives me crazy that prople act like Gaiman had little/no impact on good omens#that's just not true. there wouldn't be book without him as sure as it wasn't be without Terry#there for sure wouldn't be tv series and especially not with MS and DT as Aziraphale and Crowley#his voice clearly resonate through azicrowley relationships specifically#(I love Terry and his humor but tragic cross star lovers are not his strength#you all make jokes about how sandman dbd and go had the same hundred-years-slowburn vibe#that's what he brings into pairings!)#like you don't need to like him you don't need to discuss author at all! focus on text or on actor's choices etc#but like. it doesn't stop being Gaiman's work as much as Terry's and other people and pretending it is is like#sticking fingers in your ears and going lalala#people can do awful things to one people and wonderful and uplifting to other. that's reality babe! accept it!#I promise you won't become yacky because you read something by Gaiman!#but you *will* look suspicious pretending that you actually doesn't touch anything made by bad people and your fave book/show made only by#good and noble people#anyway. I don't actually care about this or Gaiman it's just that I saw several absolutely identical posts with same#'actually it was made by Terry and Gaiman like breathed a little at text so it's okay to like it because it's not actually Gaiman's work'
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My whole issue with Gwiles is that when it comes to relationships with white girls and black boys specifically yall strip the black character of their identities just to prop up the white character and have the black character be OBSESSED even if it doesnât make sense.
#like i would dislike it less if white ppl werenât so weird about it#same thing with timebomb arcane#never gonna forget the slideshow that had jinx with punk values and quotes#and ekko with a pair of headphones and a book đ#jinx is literally white feminism personified (more complicated than that but yknow)#and ekkos group specifically focuses on their fellow men and keeping them safe and protected#but yall boil ekko down to âpretending he doesnât love powder any Oremâ#ALSOOOO the way yâall write these relationships ALWAYS has the white character crossing boundaries and being weird and the black character#just going along with it#like that scene where Gwen was going through his room?#thatâs about as much personal space and respect yâall allow us irl#like the way yâall barely twitched about that scene is insane#and i promise u if ur black in a white friend group u know exactly how miles felt in that moment đ#and it feels so stupid to bring up but you KNOW they wouldnât treat eachothers shit like that#anywaysss#whatever
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like, I still think itâs sort of weird that Shonda Rhimes bought the rights to the Bridgerton novels, did a mediocre job at adapting the material and also kinda ruined one of the most popular pairings from the books in the process, and then proceeded to hyperfixate on her own OC to the point of creating a spin-off in which the central romance is about two members of a very white, slave-owning, racist and imperialist institution that could only maintain power through the exploitation of people of color all over the world, but now the protagonist is a black woman whoâs about to end racism in 1700s Great Britain through the power of Love
#i just⌠genuinely think itâs weird is all#like she totally didnât have to do any of that#she couldâve easily pulled a still star crossed and say âthis is the world; it is diverse; deal with itâ#and it totally wouldâve worked#but now shonda is explicitly asking me to think of the implications so i AM thinking of the implications#and the implications are HORRIBLE#you mean to tell me one of the richest and most influential women of the time is sitting on her ass obsessing over gossip#while thousands of black people are being kidnapped and sold as slaves in america#what is going on in the whole continent of africa??? or in countries like india or china???#is charlotte like âoh well those poor people of africa sure have it rough and my kingdom is directly reaping the benefits of that oppression#but also my hubby just gave a bunch of non-white people from london noble titles#so thatâs it <3 systemic racism is over <33#now back to lady whistledownâ#bc that would make her⌠yâknow⌠a shitty personâŚ.#and before anyone goes âitâs fiction itâs not that seriousâ#i know but shonda IS directly asking me to think about it with this show so! i! will!#anyways iâll still watch the whole thing because i have no backbone whatsoever butâŚ. i will have thoughts about it#also for anyone wondering the pairing that was ruined is obviously polin#and kanthony to an extent which is criminal if you ask me#i mean rmb is still my favorite jq book so iâm still somewhat looking forward seeing season 3#but like. penelope. look how they massacred my girl#âŚ..oh wow i went overboard with the tags. but iâm right#queen charlotte#bridgerton#queen charlotte a bridgerton story#bridgerton books#julia quinn#stfu pam
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yet another instance of when I sensed that the book was Leading Up To Something, and in the end it was Romance again rather than the sort of proper spooky tragedy that I'd come prepared for :|
#ramblings#the captain's library#sherwood ring is a perfectly fine book but would be better if 'twere twice as long I think :/#elizabeth marie pope writes this sort of crossed-timelines magical realism situation (and the woods and adventure of it!) so very well#but her romances tend to feel like being slapped in the face with a fish for their suddenness!#perilous gard also has this issue in my opinion but at least there christopher and kate get much more time to talk and just Be together#so I can believe in them (and richard and eleanor) much better than I can in barbara and peaceable or pat and peggy. but so it goes!#and also. ms pope must you really pair off every last character. is that really so necessary. sigh!#really I was having such fun watching richard and peaceable chase each other round the forest like gentlemanly little squirrels#and then the ending rather came out of nowhere without ever quite making sense of Why they're like that at all!#part of a haunting is that you carry your death with you! where's the death! what Happened here!!#really this is the very first time I've been tempted to write something I can only call Worsen-It Fic. what HAPPENED!
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Today on bad decisions, I started reading a really good ebook and was like âoh Iâll just knit at my grandmaâs, I donât need to bring my iPad with me.â Stupid. Stupid behaviour
#was literally thinking about the book the whole time and reading it in snippets on my phone#which obvs Not the best thing to do when youâre visiting your grandma#i did knit like 2 more inches of my sock though#oh and because someone usually asks: the book is called the whistling#itâs by rebecca netley and iâm not sure why it sucked me in the way it did. but it did#listen iâm just a sucker for the gothic horror subgenre of âwoman with Problems and who is probably hiding a terrible secret gets a job#nannying at a big suspicious remote house for obtuse owners who have a creepy child. and has to deal with ambiguously supernatural threatsâ#other recs: the turn of the key by ruth ware; bone china by laura purcell; the nesting by c j cooke#yes i know i should read the turn of the screw yes i own it no i havenât read it#i think this type of horror/thriller situation just really gets me because i can imagine it happening to me lol. for a while i really wanted#to be an au pair; and i can just vividly imagine showing up to what seems like a really good offer of employment#but then the kids are creepy and hate you; the parents are deeply suspicious; you have like a 3 hour ferry crossing before you can reach#any type of authorities; and the attic room above you (itâs ALWAYS the attic room) has the fucking apparitions in it#and you canât even say âfuck this shit iâm outâ because youâre broke as hell. horrifying#wait. is this also what jane eyre is?? should i read jane eyre.#personal
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(THE BOOK OF BILL SPOILERS!!)
Thinking about Billâs appearance at the end of the bookâŚ
[ID: BIll when confronting the Axolotl. He is shown in white silhouette, hovering in space, hovering neutrally. Notably, he has a massive crack running through his body, splitting him into multiple pieces, some of which are coming apart. /end ID]
When confronting the Axolotl, Bill is broken. The Axolotl even notes this: "Shattered, broken, not yet dead."
(Which, side note, makes me think Bill might have been lying about having been "kicked out of Hell," if he didn't actually die in Stan's head.)
[ID: Three pictures of Bill in the Theraprism. The first one shows him holding his hand against the side of his head in a dazed expression, sitting in a chair in a white padded room between a wizard with a clock for a face and Saturn (taken directly from the painting Saturn Devouring His Son). The second is a camera recording of him wearing an orange jumpsuit and kneeling in a cell, surrounded by arts and crafts tools, holding a pair of scissors, and beaming his thoughts frantically into a book. The third shows a mugshot of him staring blankly into the camera, his own name written on coded text below him. In all three images, he has a glowing scar where the cracks were, and is in one piece. /end ID]
When he's shown in the Theraprism, we see a glowing, static-y scar where the cracks were. The scar crosses his entire body (and even crosses to the other side of his eye without affecting it!), but he's actually whole, keeping himself together.
But then...
[ID: Two pictures of Bill from the last pages of the book. In the first one he is facing forward and holding up one finger, his eye reddened, his entire form glitching, and his crack is notably worse than prior, cracking through his eye, multiple smaller pieces drifting away. In the second one he is staring blankly at the viewer, his arms hanging limply, his eye wide and blank, the crack worse than the previous image, with more pieces floating away. /end ID]
In the last few pages, we see the scar is gone and the cracks are back, and even more of him is breaking away, including parts of his eye. It's especially bad in the last image, with even more pieces of him breaking away.
Also noteworthy is that the static texture behind him seems to be the same as the blood sample the US government took from him in the 1940s. He's bleeding.
We know from context that these images are meant to be taken somewhat chronologically. After dying (or nearly dying), Bill seeks out the Axolotl, who sends him to the Theraprism. While there, he writes the journal that he's beaming to us. The staff at the Theraprism catch onto this, and allow him to write out the last few pages, meaning those last few pages are chronologically the last of Bill we see.
This means that, after the events of the show, Bill was shattered... and then, upon entering the Theraprism, started to heal, his body coming together and scars forming... but at some point afterward, he started breaking apart again.
I'd made a post previously about Bill's development, how he views himself as a monster after the Euclidian Disaster, and how he continues to act monstrous afterward (and winds up agonizingly lonely as a result). I didn't really touch on this in the post, but I feel like after inadvertently destroying his home dimension...
Bill never left the denial phase of grief.
I could be wrong on this, but I get the feeling that part of his reason for acting monstrous toward just about everybody is because he sees himself as a monster, because "this is just how I am" is easier to accept than "I really really screwed up."
Bringing this back to his shattering... It's interesting to me that after entering the Theraprism, his body is scarring, which means it is healing. But then, at the end, as he's signing off the book, he's shattered again, and looking even worse than he did when talking to the Axolotl. When talking this over with a friend, they pointed out something that struck me:
Bill does not want to heal.
Healing means having to actually think through what happened. It means having to confront his past, confront destroying his home dimension, confront the harm he caused to others, confront the fact that he did not have to be this way.
And he refuses to do that.
He refuses to heal.
#bill cipher#gravity falls#the book of bill#the book of bill spoilers#i want to gnaw on things after writing this analysis
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moanin' & groanin' | logan howlett
pairing/AU: lumberjack!logan howlett/wolverine x inexperienced!female!reader
summery: working for your father's timber business isn't what you saw yourself doing, but when the wolverine comes looking for work it's suddenly not so bad â especially when he can teach you a thing or two.
warnings: this is an 18+ fic so mdni! age gap (in the way that his mutant abilities prolongs his life), swearing, use of pet names, smut, car sex, praise, a little dacryphilia, logan's got a dirty mouth, soft dom!logan, a little size kink (basically logan has a big dick), handjob, fingering, a little manhandling, unprotected sex (don't do it!!), no use of y/n
a/n: um hi! this is my first ever logan fic. i really hope i got him right! not beta read, and barely edited so any mistakes are my own. happy reading! <3
main masterlist / ao3
The pages crinkled under your fingertips as you turned another page. Over the top of your book you could see your father's men milling about, getting the timber ready for another outgoing truck. Day in and day out they worked like flannel-covered ants.Â
He wasn't here, your father, leaving you to hold down the fort, or office to be precise, as he ran errands. "I'll be back before lunch," he'd told you, a hand passing through the sleeve of his tan Carhartt.
The office felt bigger when he wasn't here, like his neuroticism took up twice as much space as he did himself. You looked around the room. It was small, more like a hut than anything else, raised up on cinderblocks. A tiny kitchen lined the front wall, the refrigerator had given out once this month already and something smelled like it had died in there, the white florescent light under the wall cabinets gave you a headache, and the tap drip drip dripped. The table and the mismatched chairs, your father had found at a fleamarked years ago, before you were born most likely, and they wore the wear and tear of years of use.Â
Every available surface was covered in papers, and the wooden shelves on the wall dipped in the middle from the weight of the binders. When you were little you'd been afraid the wood would break in two, but they were still standing (hanging?) â maybe they'd stay like that for the rest of eternity for all you knew. Your father's office had only one desk, which made your job as occasional office manager and full-time problem solver, problematic.Â
Your father would sit in his chair on one side, while you'd steal one of the mismatched chairs and occupy the other end. If you'd had your way, you wouldn't be working here. The timber business interested you just as much as your father was interested in the disco they played on the radio. "If it ain't the king of rock I don't want to hear it," he usually said and switched the channel.Â
But the town was small, and no one was hiring. The summer after you'd finished high school you'd dreamt of moving to the city, but the money had been tight and your father needed you. At least the work, if your father didn't meddle, was relatively easy: answer the phone, type out the invoices and salaries, keep an eye on logistics, and make sure whatever breaks gets fixed.Â
The radio hummed at a low volume, one of the singles from Tapestry, as you turned another page of your book. Leaning back in your father's office chair, you glanced at the clock over the door. He should be back by now. Just as the thought crossed your mind, the door swung open.
"Did you need something?" you asked, your book dipping down in your lap.Â
Logan raised an eyebrow at you as he walked into the office on heavy steps, that damn cigar hanging out the side of his mouth. "Nice to see you too, princess," he poked jokingly, tugging at his gloves, one finger at a time, and tucking them into his leather belt.Â
He sported the same outfit he usually wore; bootcut jeans, a white t-shirt under his flannel and a thicker wool-lined jacket. He must've been sweating in here with that on.
Autumn had claimed the trees and ground months ago, but this morning the frost had covered the ground and bit at the apples of your cheeks. Your breath had come out in swirling plumes when you'd locked yourself in this morning; the first glints of the sun peeking through the windows as it rose over the mountains. The first thing you'd done was crank the heater, and now as you approached midday, you'd shed your sweater long ago while the windows had fogged with condensation.Â
The smallest of frowns tugged at your brows, as a heat prickled up your neck to your cheeks. Logan made you a little nervousâ not in a bad way, but in a way where your thoughts would wander in his presence, conjuring up scenarios of him and yourself in⌠comprising positions. Okay, maybe it was in a bad way. But who could blame you when he walked around like that?
He'd arrived only a few months ago, at the tail end of the summer, looking for work. He was strong, stronger than any of the other men working for your father, and although the work was hard, it seemed like he never tired. You didn't know much about him and he kept mostly to himself, hidden away in a cabin up in the mountain, but sometimes you'd see him down at the local bar, nursing a glass of whiskey in one hand and a lit cigar in the other. More than once you'd seen him chatting up Kayla Silverfox, and more than once you'd wished it was you in her place.
"Oof," Logan groaned as he opened the fridge, grabbing his packed lunch and closing it as fast as he could. You appreciated him for that; whatever had died in there should stay in there.
"Yeah," you said, "I'm not cleaning that again, not even for a million bucks."
"Can't blame ya."Â
He looked to the table for a second where the guys usually ate their lunches, before he decided to take your usual chair at your father's desk. As he sat down, you pushed the ash tray to his side of the desk, earning you a short smile in thanks as he rested his cigar. It wasn't unusual for him to talk to you on his breaks.Â
So, why did you heart beat so fast in your chest?
Because it was the first time you'd been alone.
"So, where's your old man?" he asked and bit into the sandwich he'd packed in an old newspaper.
"Running errandsâ he should be back soonâŚ" you trailed off.
Logan hummed non-committedly. "So, you're in here sittin' pretty readin' your book while we're out in the cold slavin' awayâ maybe I should become the boss' daughter."
"Well, it's not easy," you sighed, feigning confidence, "and you gotta be pretty first of all," you front teeth dug into your bottom lip as you tried to hide your nervousness.
"That's true," he grinned, "I ain't got nothin' on you, princess."
Logan held your gaze with intent, and it was like something in the air shifted. It happened sometimes with Logan, like he had this power beaming from him that sucked you in. Erratic wings fluttered in your stomach, and you had to drop your gaze.
"So, how's the book?" he asked, taking another bite of his sandwich.
"Eh," you shrugged, dog-earing the page your were on, before throwing the beat-up paperback on the table. "Too many plot twistsâ first they're on earth, then there's this virus spreadingâ so they have to move all of humanity to the moon, but then there's this species that lives under the surface of the moon who they start a war with, but one of the main characters are in love with a moonieâ that's what they call themâ so, now they're in love and trying to stop the war andâŚ" you shrugged again.
Logan chewed slowly as he nodded his head. "Sounds complicated," he decided, making you let out a small laugh.
"I guess so."
A grin washed over Logan's face at your small laugh, and you felt his gaze roll over you, over your exposed skin. When he looked at you like that, like a predator drooling for a meal, you felt a small damp spot stick to your panties. You watched as his nostrils widened, his jaw clenching shut as a pulsing vein protruded from his neck.
"So, science fiction," he started, clearing his throat, "Didn't know you liked that," he continued between the last bites of his sandwich
"Some kid at the library recommended it," you shrugged, "so I thought I'd try it out. And it's not like it's that far from the truthâ we've got mutants."
Logan crumbled the newspaper hard and quick, the sharp sound making you jump. "Yeah," he said, and stood to his feet, "That's true."
He grabbed his burnt out cigar, and threw the ball of newspaper in the trash. You started to wonder if you'd said something wrong, but then he said, "Your father's back," and not even a second later you could see your dad's old truck pull up outside the window.
How did he even know that?Â
"Loganâ wait," the words just fell out of your mouth before you could even think them through. He hovered by the door, raising a questioning eyebrow at you.Â
You could be braveâ Just say it!Â
"Come by later would you? Before you leave for the dayâ I have something for you."
A gush of cold air blew in with the arrival of your father. He almost crashed right into Logan on his way out, nearly knocking him down the wooden steps. You thought you could glimpse a small nod from Logan, but he was out the door so fast you couldn't be sure.Â
The rest of the day went by slowly as a growing anxiety gnawed at your neck. With your dad back you slipped out to borrow the car, driving into town to pick up some lunch at the local diner. It was routine at this point, something you did without thinking, but today your thoughts couldn't stay still. You were pulling up outside the office when you realized you'd driven the whole way with the radio off.
What was even your plan?Â
You wished you were better at this. You could pretend, sure, put on a brave face to hide the nerves from surfacing, but how do you get a man like that to go for a girl like you?
You felt non the wiser when the sun had dipped below the mountains and he finally knocked on the office door. Your dad had left thirty-minutes earlier, stranding you at work with no way to get home.Â
If this didn't go well, you didn't look forward to walking home.
"What 's it you wanted, princess," Logan asked, leaning against the frame of the door with one knee popped. Your eyes couldn't help but run down the length of him â his broad shoulders, the bulge hidden below his big belt buckle, and the veins of his exposed arms as he slung his jacket over his shoulder.
"Oh, um," you tried to shake your thoughts, and you rummaged the desk for the envelope. "Here," you said as you found it, stretching your hand out for him to take it.
He pushed off the door frame with a raised eyebrow, the cold air from the open door taking with it the warmth of the office. "What's this?" he questioned, taking the envelope from your hand.Â
"It's your checkâ for this month's work," you explained.
His raised eyebrow pulled into a frown, "This is a week early," he questioned, "and I usually get these sent in the mail."
"Oh, I-I just thought I'd give it to you personally this time," you lied, fitting a shrug at the end for good measure, trying to sell how completely normal and nonchalant you were.
Logan raised a skeptic eyebrow at you, and you suddenly felt really really stupid. In your chest your heart could compete with a hummingbird's.
"Really?" he said with a smile before he dropped his chin, "Can I appreciate a little extra something in here, or�" he trailed off, waving the envelope.
Letting out a shaky inaudible breath, you tried in your flirtiest voice, "Maybe if you give me a ride homeâŚ"
...................
The lights from the town below looked like stars scattered over the night sky, the yellow light of the roads connected them like on a string. You knew that Logan knew where you lived; the town was small, and even with the short time he'd spent here, it wasn't hard to get familiar. He'd stopped at the lookout point, about half-way up the mountain road. It was nice in the daytime, with a nice view of the town, the mountain and rivers, but at night it attracted a different kind of crowd: lovers. It was cheesy, and clichĂŠ, but clichĂŠs were clichĂŠs for a reason.Â
The Led Zeppelin tape whirled, and the music stopped.Â
Suddenly you felt nervous, fingers picking at a loose tread on your sweater. Logan leaned forward to flip the cassette, and his truck filled with a sound of organ, like you were back in church. When he leaned back he slung his arm over your seat. You watched how he spread his legs, getting comfortable, as his eyes found your face.
Under the wool, your heart picked up its beat.
In a brave move you shifted closer, the leather seat moaning under you, as a pleased smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. His big palm snaked around your shoulder, curling you closer to him until his lips caught your own. You only hesitated for a second before your hand found his neck, where your fingers tugged lightly at the hair at the nape of his neck.Â
A low growl huffed against your lips, and he deepened the kiss, pressing himself roughly against you as he licked into your mouth. You couldn't help the small whimper escaping you. His touch was rough, almost impatient, but tender all at the same time, and you felt yourself fall apart.
The air stuck to your skin, clammy and sticky with arousal and now you started to get impatient. With a loud smack you broke apart, your lips raw and spent from use as you caught your breath. A rough hand cupped your cheek, the pad of his thumb skated gently over your skin as he tilted your head towards him.
"Such a pretty little thing," he mused. His eyes had gone dark, pupils huge and filled with lust; yours must've looked about the same as they rolled down his body. He shifted closer to you, pushing you closer to the door, and you got a better view of the bulge hidden behind his jeans.
Your heartbeat pounded in your ears, clogging up the sounds around you like you were underwater, pushing at your thoughts at the back of your mind. Logan moved with such ease, each touch natural and easy, like he'd done them a thousand times. Not like you, with only your short-lived high school boyfriend under your belt.Â
"Hey," he shook your head gently, "Where you goin', bub?"
"I'm sorry," you whispered, a heat coating the apples of your cheeks.Â
He shook his head, his face surprisingly tender for someone so rough, "Tell me, baby."
"I'm justâŚ" you trailed of, trying to find your words, "I'm a little nervousâ I haven't done this much," you said, avoiding his gaze.
"That's sweet, bub." The pad of his thumb rubbed the pet name into your skin as he leaned forward to catch your lips in a soft kiss, "But I wouldn't worry that pretty little head of yours 'bout it."
His breath was hot against your own, and an ache started to spread between your legs. The hand on your cheek travelled downwards to tug at your jacket, and you parted only for a second to rid yourself of it, but before you could lock your lips with his again he grabbed at your hands.
"I'll teach ya," he told you and guided your hands to his broad form.Â
He let you touch him as he shucked off his jacket, your fingers dancing over the soft flannel. He was solid beneath your fingers, hard muscles from hard work. A patch of dark hair curled at his chest, peeking out beneath his white shirt, and you found yourself wondering where it lead.
Curling his hand around your wrist, he guided your hand lower; down over his chest where you could feel the solid form of him. His bronze belt buckle burned you like ice, but the heat of him as he pressed your hand to the hard bulge beneath the buckle burned even brighter.
"You feel that?" He looked you straight in the eyes. He pressed your hand down harder and you could feel the shape of him against your hand, hard and thick, and big. You barely managed a nod through the wave of heat coating your cheeks.Â
"That's because of you, princess." His voice was low, almost like a growl, as he started to guide your hand to rub over the thick length.
"Me?" you questioned, breathless.Â
"Yes, you," he chuckled, a heavy hand petting at your head. "D'you want to take it out? Stroke it f'me?"
"Please," you begged, looking at him with moony eyes through your lashes.
"So polite f'me," he mused, his hands tugging at his belt before he popped the button on his jeans. Slipping off your shoes, you crawled up into the seat, sitting back on your knees as you watched him pull at his jeans. Peeking out from under the denim, you could see a dark patch of hair.
Logan was in no rush, revealing only an inch at a time of the base of his cock, making a show of it as the tension rose. A wave of tickling arousal washed over you, and it made you brave, reaching a trembling hand forward, you helped him tug at the fabric.
At last his cock sprung free.
You felt your eyes widen at the sight, as you involuntarily squeezed your thighs together. Even with your limited experience, you knew he was bigger than most. The thick length of his cock bobbed from the weight, hanging heavy between his legs. At the tip of his fat head, a drop of precum pearled, almost invisible in the dark truck.Â
"Come here, bub." He widened his legs as he reached out a strong arm for you, curling you into his shoulder.Â
"Put your hand on it," he ordered, "like this," he grabbed at your wrist and guided you hand towards his mouth. You let him move you around, eyes blown out and wide as you couldn't take your eyes off his impressive cock.Â
A wet blob of spit pulled you from your thoughts, it drew the slightest frown over your face until he guided your palm, now coated in his spit, to his cock.
Under your palm his skin was silky soft, but hard and firm at the same time. You found yourself mesmerized at the sight of your hand around him as you familiarized yourself with the heaviness of him in your hand.Â
"There ya goâ" he cut himself off with a groan as you formed a fist around the head of him. Your fingers struggled to reach around him, but it didn't seem like Logan minded much when you moved downwards smearing his spit over his shaft in an experimental tug.Â
"That's it, good girl, just like that."
A warmth bloomed in your chest at the praise, wrapping itself around your heart. You wanted him to say it againâ to be good for him. So, you reached forward with your other hand, wrapping it around the base as the other formed a fist around the head. Another pearl of precum beaded at the tip, and you took the opportunity to skate your thumb over it, massaging it into his spit.
A growl seemed to get caught in Logan's throat, and still riding off your high that the praise had sown in you, you started to pump his cock in slow strokes. A slick sound escaped under your fists with each stroke, and you watched how his head fell back in pleasure.
"Am-am I doing it right?" you asked, voice barely above a whisper.
At the sound of your voice, Logan sat up straighter, a heavy hand falling over your back to pull you closer. "You're a natural, princess." Â
You couldn't contain the smile from coating your lips as he brought you in for another searing kiss. It was hot, and suffocating, and all-consuming, all at the same time. It clouded your mind, and you forgot what your hands were supposed to be doing.Â
Logan's hand travelled down your body, his big palm grabbing at your ass. "Take of your pants," he ordered against your lips, "Panties too," underlining his order with a couple of light slaps to the flesh.
Shuffling out of his hold, you fingered at the button of your pants, pulling at them and your panties as quickly as you could. Goosebumps prickled over your exposed skin, the air suddenly frosty without Logan's touch â but that didn't last long.
The calloused pads of his fingers trailed up your thighs, pressing down into the flesh as he pulled you closer to him. "Come sit in my lap, princess."
He didn't wait for you to move, instead he manhandled you how he wanted. Spreading his legs wide apart he fit you between his legs, your back pressed against his hot chest with his hard and leaking cock caged against your ass.Â
"I'm gonna touch you now, baby, okay?" his deep voice whispered in your ear.
"Okay," you peeped, heart pounding in your ears at this new proximity.Â
He spread your legs, putting your wet and neglected cunt on display, hooking them over his knees. When his palms danced over your inner thighs, you felt yourself sink deeper into his chest, deeper into the safe scent of pine and man.Â
"Need to get you ready f'me, bubâ stretch this tight cunt out for my big cock," he cooed.
You ached for him, a sticky wet feeling between your legs as you wished so badly for him to finally touch you. His touch was light, but teasing, drawing circles along the thin flesh, circling closer and closer to where you needed his touch the most, before he pulled away.Â
"Please," you whined, grabbing at his arm.
His breath felt hot against your neck, and you could feel the grin he pressed against your skin. He let you guide him upwards to hover his large palm over your mound, but he wouldn't let you have it. Instead, he pushed at your sweater. His hand spread across the skin beneath your belly button as prickled goosebumps followed the rough pads as they ran across your skin.
"Y'gonna feel me right here, bub?" he teased, "So deep inside your tummy?"
A whine caught in your throat and you felt like an exposed nerve. Arousal pulsated throughout your body, threatening to pull you apart unless he did something soon. Your neglected cunt dripped with an ache only he could sooth.Â
"Yes, please, Logan," you whined, tears threatening to spill.
His thick beard scraped against your cheek, and you almost trembled from anticipation as he slid his hands downwards. He raked his fingers through the curls of your mound, and a gasp fell from your lips when he finally pushed at your clit.
A wide smile reached across your face when he started to circle his fingers, tight with the perfect amount of pressure. Your hips bucked to meet his touch, your cunt eager and dripping for more of him. His other arm clasped around your middle, keeping your still and steady in his lap as he had his way with you.
A bold finger dipped lower, running through your folds and teasing at you entrance. A slick sound filled the car as he played with your cunt, circling his fingers around your hole, dipping a teasing finger inside you just to the first knuckle, before withdrawing it just as quickly.Â
"Such a messy pussy," Logan murmured in your ear, the deep bass of his voice vibrating into your skin. "Listen."
The sound as he played with your pussy was obscene, lewd, and so dirty you felt a heat crawl up your chest. A breathy gasp escaped you when he finally split you on his finger, and a satisfied smile coated your lips as he started to move it inside in a steady rhythm, prodding every so often at that spongy spot inside, the spot your own finger couldn't reach.
"F-feels s-so good," you managed to stutter out.Â
The heel of his palm pressed against your clit with every thrust, teasing at your insides and conjuring moan after breathy moan from your lips. He guided you closer and closer to the edge, and you wanted so badly to fall. When he pulled out to slide another finger inside you, you felt a tear roll down your cheek with satisfaction.
"I can feel that pussy clenching meâ you close, bub?" he poked, never stopping his fingers.
Your head rolled back, resting heavy on his shoulder as you nodded franticly, mouth parted slightly, humming out small breathy whines. You were so close, the tension in your stomach twisting and aching for release.
But then he pulled his fingers, dragging them up over your mound leaving a wet trail in your curls. You couldn't help the disappointed sigh as more tears pressed their way down your cheeks.
"Shh," he hushed you, "you're okay, bub."Â
Under you, you felt him move, his strong muscles flexing as he shifted you on his lap. When you felt the blunt head of his cock slide between your folds, an eagerness came upon you. You grinded against him, making a small chuckle rumble from his chest. Logan slapped his heavy cock against your folds, coating his big cock in your slick arousal.Â
The first stretch of him knocked the breath right out of you, the fat tip of him splitting you in half as he helped you guide yourself down on him. You had to remember to breathe, your hand fumbling for something to hold on to.Â
"Fuck," you whimpered, eyes wide, "I-it's so bigâ it's t-too big."
His hand wrapped around your middle held you in place, keeping you still on his cock as you adjusted to the first inches of him inside you.Â
"It's not too big, princess, you're doing so well f'me," he praised, "just a little more, bubâ you can do it."
With a wet whimper you lowered yourself, taking a couple more inches of him, as Logan pressed more fluttering praise into your skin. He let you take your time, easing yourself down on him at your own pace. When your thighs were finally flushed with his, he was so deep inside you, you jolted, trying to move back up, but Logan's hands held you down. You felt him in your tummy, like he'd said, his cock reaching so deep you were shaking.
"Sit still, get used to it," he told you, as you tried to catch your breath, "You're being so good f'me."
And somehow the burning stretch of him soothed away into a pleasurable pressure, one you couldn't help but chase. With an experimental rock of your hips, you felt the fat head of him prod at your spot, making you mewl. And when you started to swivel your hips, Logan groaned in satisfaction, meeting your movement with small thrusts.
Slowly, he picked up his rhythm, strong hands shifted to dig into your hips, holding you in place for him to move you as he wished. In your ear, you heard him growl, deep and animalistic as he fucked up into you.
It didn't take long until your breath came out fast between moans as the pressure built, and built, and built.Â
"Logan," you moaned, tethering right on the edge.
Another growl escaped his chest, as his strong arms hooked under your legs. He pressed them tightly to your body as he picked up his pace, bucking wildly into your eager cunt. You could feel him throb inside of you, and you couldn't help but clench at the thought of feeling him spill inside you, claiming you.
"Don't stop, please, don't stop," you begged, tears streaming down your face like two winding rivers, "I-I'm gonna come."
A hand slid between your legs to rub at your puffy clit, coaxing you closer and closer with winding circles.Â
"Come on my cock, baby, come all over that big cock."
It was hot, and blinding. Euphoric shocks pulsed through your body, as you fluttered and gushed around his cock. Logan's grip on your legs tightened as you shook violently with your orgasm â a million stars exploded behind your eyes.
"Oh, that's it, bub, such a good girl," he praised between heavy wet pants against your ear. Â Â
Fucking you through your ecstasy, Logan chased his own high at a relentless pace, and all you could do was take it, reduced to a ragdoll in his hands. In your ear he muttered nonsense interlaced with praise, telling you how good you felt, and how perfect you were for him.
With a deep groan he pulled out quickly, tugging at himself until he spilled his thick spend on the truck floor. With bleary eyes you watched how it pumped in quick spurts, dripping down his hand and soiled the knuckles in his own sticky cum.Â
Behind you, Logan breathed hard, nudging his nose against the column of your neck to press soft kisses to the hot skin.Â
A pair of bright headlights beamed down the road, pulling you from the moment with its blinding light. Logan helped you shift off his lap, reaching to hand you your discarded clothes before he tucked himself back into his jeans.Â
The cassette whirled in the car radio, and you couldn't remember when the music had stopped. Logan shifted back behind the wheel and an eerie silence grew in the distance between you.
"How 'bout I take you somewhere to eat?" he posed.
You smiled, "I could eat."
...................
hopefully this was okay? a comment telling me your favorite part is always welcome, and my ask box is always open to chat <3 and thank you for reading!!
Š shellshocklove, 2024 i do not give any permission to repost, translate, feed to AI or redistribute any of my writing, with or without credit!
#logan howlett#logan james howlett#wolverine#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#james logan howlett x reader#x-men fanfiction#lumberjack!logan#hugh jackman#*writing#wolverine smut#logan howlett smut
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ŕż ŕż đ°ď¸ ă 10:00 A.M ă
SUMMERRR @ohimsummer youâre so responsible for this infinitely adorable idea omg𤧠based on this ask & this video !
a part of gojo's love entries
âpapa. come on. pa-pa~ say it after me!â
sunday morning. the first sight you saw after getting up was another shenanigan staged by your husbandâ
in the form of him shoving your humongous wedding photo in front of your one-year old boyâs face.
âthis is pa-pa~â satoruâs singsong voice echoed through the baby room, full of enthusiasm, pointing at his face in the photo. âpa-pa~ easy right? nowâŚâ
your baby merely blinked though, chewing his pacifier in pure ignorance. his eyesâa pair blue marblesâglancing between his desperate papa and the wedding picture with little interest.
âhmph,â satoru clicked his tongue, and then he pointed at your beaming figure in the photo, voice visibly flat. âthis is⌠mother.â
you quirked an eyebrow, totally snorting.
but he succeeded in grabbing your babyâs attention this time, as his crystal blue eyes widened a bit in wonder, staring at you in the picture.
âmother is pa-paâs wife. she makes your food, nice on some days, but be careful! she can put a ban on our supply of mochi if she is in a bad mood!â
âoh, do i?â you walked over to him with a bark of a laugh, crossing your arms.
satoru made an exaggerated spooked look, mouth curving into an âOâ. âuh-oh, mama dragon is here.â
âlook, you big bully. why are you bothering our baby first thing in the morning?â
âiâm not bullying him! itâs education! he has to see that his papa is the gallant sorcererââ
ââma!â
. . .
silence. both of you stiffly turned towards your little munchkin when you heard that little, feeble sound.
your baby and his clear, watery eyes made a grabby motions towards you from his bouncer chair, lips wobbling with effort. âmaâma!â
...another silence before you snappedâ
âmy baby!!â you squealed, immediately plucking him, giving and smothering him with the tightest hug and kisses, whereas satoruâs jaw dropped to the depths of soil behind you. âkyaaaa~! i love you soooo much!â
âh-howâ!â
âi definitely didnât go through the pain of giving birth to you so you can call your deadbeat papa first!â
ââ?! hey! iâm fully responsible for child support!â
and so you left him in his sorrows, walking out while cooing at your bundle of joy, leaving trails of your baby sonâs happy giggles along the way as your defeated husband, who felt so betrayed, sulked in the background.
epilogue
âcome on⌠just once, please? say papa.â
this time, satoru has his baby son open a book beside him, as he points at the father figure in that storybook, still urging his mini-him to call him.
but contrary to his expectations, his little boy just aggressively turned the pages over, only seemingly interested in seeing the illustrations on each page.
âpapa. come on, buddy, hmm?â he prodded his chubby arms and tickled his tummy, and once again, his prickly baby retorted withâ
âma! ma!â
satoru sighed in defeat, but this time he relented, as the way his son was all energetic while calling you somehow wormed its way to his heart too.
he was still babbling incoherently, and yet this time satoru only pinched his cheeks together. âyou sure adore your mama, huh?â
âmwa!â
âyeah, me too, kiddo. me too.â
#đđđŁđ đđđĄđđđđ #gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#gojo satoru#satoru x reader#jjk imagines#jjk drabbles#jujutsu kaisen x reader#dad!gojo#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru fluff#jjk fluff#gojo x you#satoru gojo fluff#jjk x reader fluff
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SHEâS MINE | 00
CATCH ME, IâVE FALLEN IN LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
synopsis â thrust into the spotlight, ken sato had easily become the next big thing tokyo had seen in decades. alongside his fame came the inevitable string of rumors, of which sprung forth scandals and discrediting information against his image. of course the obvious and most rational solution would be to address them like every other celebrity, but this was ken sato; nothing would ever be rational with him, which is how you wound up with a ring on your finger and the sato name in your papers.
genre â fake dating, fake marriage, idiots-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, mild angst, chaotic fluff, smut
pairing â ken sato x fem-PA!reader, ken sato x fake-wife!reader
warnings â mild cursing, eventual smut, mentions of alcohol, all events in ultraman: rising take place a year after kenji moves back to japan, RUMORS isnât related to anything that happens in this series
word count â 798
authorâs note â YAY i finally wrote it! i really love the fake dating/marriage convenience trope and iâve been itching to write it with kenji. this is highly inspired by one my favorite books of all time, terms & conditions by lauren asher! if you enjoy fake dating i highly recommend reading it. as mentioned at the top, this is only the prologue! i'll be putting out part one and the series masterlist asap hehe... as always, happy reading!
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SOMETIMES YOU WONDERED IF ANYTHING YOU SAID EVER STUCK WITH KEN. For the past year and a half, you had the supposed âdream lifeâ that every assistant yearned for. It confused you, really, as you tried to ponder on what part of your job was envious. Were the late nights drafting NDA breaches so desirable? What about the press statements after altercations, were those rĂŠsumĂŠ worthy? You let out a deep sigh as you watched Ken from the TV in his dressing room, crossing your arms as you sunk deeper into the couch.
He was on a press tour for his latest collaboration, his overconfident persona charming everyone left and right. You had to physically stop yourself from rolling your eyes when he used his signature flair to charm the showâs host. At least he was sticking to the script⌠for the most part. He wore the product, threw in a few adlibs, and of course, flirted. Be it a talk show host or a random photographer on the street, Ken always found a way to leave people smitten with him- save except you.Â
Itâs not like you were actively trying to hate him, he just made it so easy. At first you thought it was just some awkward phase, like he was just trying to adjust to working with a new team. But then he just kept doing the same things over and over again. A brawl with an opposing team member? Just another Sunday night. A rumor about having a fling with yet another supermodel? Sounds just about right.Â
âI mean of course I have to thank my team,â Kenâs voice cut through your train of thought. âIt was a dream of mine to play for the Giants as a kid, now I actually get to do it.â
Tone it down, asshole. You thought to yourself, noting the sarcasm laced in his words. Of course the general public wouldnât have caught on, but you had no doubt his coach and the other players would. Then again, heâd been relatively untouchable because of his rank in the sports world. You poked your tongue into your cheek, shaking your head as you sat through the rest of his interview. The clock on the wall counted down the remaining time, the bright red numbers casting a reflection on the screen. Two minutes left, and all he had to do was to keep the act upâŚ
âŚUntil he didnât. Nothing couldâve prepared you for what was about to happen next.Â
âNow I donât want to hold here any longer, but you know I have to ask it,â The host teased, almost like an overexcited child ready to tattle. âAny special someone back home?âÂ
Ken chuckled, just like he usually did when asked the question. âCheeky question,â He paused and grinned, his eyebrow raised slightly as he shrugged his shoulders. âWhat if there was?âÂ
âWell, is there?â The host pushed, his tone eager to have the Ken Sato answer such a juicy question. He gestured toward the crowd before he continued. âI mean there are a lot of fans here today who would love to know moreâŚâÂ
âYeah? And if I said yes, then what?â He replied, his smile growing brighter and his eyes shining.Â
The crowd cheered even harder, itching to find out the truth. You shared the same sentiments, trying to figure out what the hell Ken was up to now. Did he have a girlfriend? If he did, why didnât anyone know about it? You stood up straight now, your right hand deathly gripping the remote. What the hell do you have up your sleeve, Kenji Sato? Your inner voice seemed to yell as you waited for him to speak up.Â
âI mean only time will tell, yeah?â The host replied, leaning back in his seat. âCâmon Ken, itâs not nice to keep secrets.â
Ken mimicked the hostâs moves, leaning back into his sofa chair as well. He shrugged his shoulders, licking his lips as he fiddled with his fingers. He bit the inside of his cheek, and though it was brief you caught it. You knew that look; his look of contemplation. Your grip on the remote was still taut as your breathing seemed to quicken the longer he waited. Granted it was only a few seconds, but those seconds felt like hours.Â
He tilted his head slightly then, his eyes staring directly at the camera. It slowly zoomed closer to focus entirely on him, and he let out a small laugh before he finally replied. His gaze was strong, and it almost felt like he was actually looking at you.
âYeah, yeah I do.â He finally said, throwing in a lovesick smile for good measure. âAnd sheâs the best damn thing in my life right now.â
reyalvr Š 2024 ⌠do not repost, alter, or steal my work.
#â maxiâs works#ultraman#ultraman: rising#ken sato#kenji sato#ken sato x you#kenji sato x you#ultraman x reader#ken sato x reader#kenji sato x reader#ken sato fluff#kenji sato smut#kenji sato fluff#ken sato smut#fake dating#fake marriage#fluff#smut
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MuĂąa | one shot
Summary : Marrying your bastard nephew to mend fences between your families wasn't exactly what you had planned. But when you realise that Jace has grown into a strong and handsome man, you might be ready to rethink your plans.
Rating : Explicit, 18+ MDNI
Pairing : Jacaerys Velaryon x Aunt!Reader (Reader is Alicent and Viseryâs daughter. Sheâs one year younger than Aegon)
TWÂ : p in v sex, mommy kink, sub!Jace (kinda), Dom!Reader (but they both switch tbh), inappropriate use of the word muĂąa, oral (f receiving), afab reader, incest, unprotected sex, not proofread
Words count : 8064
AN : hi everyone!! Iâve been very busy lately so I haven't had time to update BUT Iâve been working a bit on various fics. Sorry to all my Aemond girlies but today itâs time for some Jace x reader. Itâs a fic Iâve written for my gf whoâs turning into a Jace girlie đ¤Â It's full of indecency and inappropriate things.
Also English is not my first language, so sorry for the grammar mistakes !!Â
Enjoy đ¤
The gardens had become your refuge over the past few days. Under the shade of the trees, on the soft grass, you had found a peaceful haven away from the excitement caused by the arrival of your half-sister and her herd of bastards. The Red Keep made you feel suffocated. And seeing your mother pacing back and forth, running left and right, didn't help. You had to calm her down. You had to keep an eye on your older brother, making sure he didn't slip away into the maze of Flea Bottom for the umpteenth time. You had to hold your family together, and you were tired.Â
You almost envied Daeron, in Old Town, away from the hustle and bustle of the court.
At least no one would think of looking for you where you were now. And you could enjoy a moment's respite, poring over the thick book you had borrowed from Aemond's library. Had he known that you had entered his room without warning, had he known that you had dared to disturb the perfect tidiness of his precious bookshelves, he would probably have threatened to feed you to Vhagar. But what he didn't know couldn't hurt him. Besides, you could perhaps find a way to pay him back later.Â
For now, you just needed to be left alone.
You stretched out, arms reaching for the sky. The sun's rays crept through the leaves, their warmth leaving a pleasant sensation on your face. Summer was back and you were delighted. The gentle breeze that ruffled the corners of your book and occasionally lifted the silver curls around your face gave you a sense of freedom. You deftly kicked off your shoes and lay back for a moment, your eyes closed.
Footsteps echoed on the cobbled floor, and you sighed in annoyance. You didn't have to open your eyes to see who it was. You recognised his footsteps. So, you kept your eyes closed. With any luck, he would continue his way and leave you alone to find someone else to annoy.
"Hey, my favourite little sister," Aegon exclaimed as he landed heavily beside you, his body brushing against yours. You opened one eye to acknowledge him, then closed it again, your arms crossed behind your head. "Aren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on me?" he insisted when he saw you weren't answering him. "You know, make sure I don't run off or end up drunk somewhereâŚStuff like that. Which our mother probably asked you to do."
A smile tugged at the corner of your lips. It was true that Aegon was terribly annoying. But of all your siblings, Aegon was still your favourite.
You resigned yourself to rolling onto your stomach, your chin resting on your hands and your head tilted sideways to face him.  "My dear brother," you replied sarcastically. "Unable to occupy yourself, as usual."  He rolled his eyes before reaching out to remove a leaf that had gotten caught in your hair. He subtly ran his fingers through one of your curls, his touch as light as a feather. "And why have you decided to come and disturb my moment of peace, tell me?"
He blew the leaf away and you watched as it flew away on the breeze. Your big brother's eyes shone with mischief. "Why would I need a specific reason to spend time with my favourite sister?" he added, and it was your turn to roll your eyes. He moved to lie next to you, his body practically pressed against yours.Â
If you moved a few centimetres, your elbows would touch his.Â
You'd always been inseparable, and the habit had stuck over time, even when the teenage years had driven you apart. But in those moments, you were like two children again, ready to run away from Septa lessons to get into mischief in the castle.
âBecause you always have a reason for everything,â you replied, and he looked at you with a fake hurt look that was greatly exaggerated. With Aegon it was easy. It had always been easy.  He wasn't as serious as Aemond, he wasn't as strange as Helena, and he wasn't as far away as Daeron.
"I just wanted to make sure my little sister was all ready to meet her betrothed tonight." He paused. "And also, that she hadn't suddenly decided to become a pious woman and follow the path of the Seven." His voice lowered. You poked him in the ribs. "See? I'm a caring big brother. I care about you."
"Shut up, Aegon," you replied. He laughed. Then he rolled onto his back, arms crossed behind his head, one leg bent, and he closed his eyes. The golden rays caught in his long lashes made him look like an angel.Â
Everything he wasn't.Â
'Well?' He added. âExcited to see Jacaerys Strong?â
You sat cross-legged. The bracelets on your wrists clinkled. Aegon knew how much the idea horrified you. You had no desire to marry Jace, to sacrifice your freedom for your half-sister's bastard eldest son. You had no desire to leave the Red Keep, to follow him to Dragonstone and spend your life bearing him children. It was your mother and Rhaenyra's idea, of course.
The union of the eldest daughter of one and the eldest son of the other, as a way of repairing the rift that has grown between your families over time.Â
As if you were destined to mend fences, to undo the mistakes of your own parents.
It wasn't that you hated Jace. But he was your older sister's son, a bastard who had pretensions he shouldn't have precisely because he was a bastard. He was the model son, the perfect son, the prodigy son, the one who always did everything right. It irritated you. He irritated you with his brown curls and his awkward posture.
 It wasn't fair that your father showered him with praise when he could barely remember your own name.
You stood up, smoothing the folds of your red dress to make yourself more presentable, and you caught your brother's eyes on your body, his eyes riveted on the thin fabric that revealed your delicate shapes. God, you loved to play with that. You knew how to get men wrapped around your finger with your sweet, innocent air, and Aegon was the first victim. You approached him and held out your arm to help him up, which he accepted by pulling himself to his feet heavily. After putting your shoes back on, you bent down to pick up the thick book in your arms. If you lost it, you could be sure that Aemond would be angry with you. And that was a risk you didn't want to take.
 "Perhaps you're right, lÄkia. I'd better go and make myself more presentable for my betrothed. I wouldn't wish to disgrace our family." And with that you turned back, your hair swirling in the air behind you as Aegon watched you go with a small smile on his face.Â
You knew how much Aegon hated being ignored, and even more so when it came from his little sister. You knew that he would return with his tail between his legs and a pleading look on his face. Between his constant whining and his dirty jokes, he gave you little respite, but it was a game that had developed between you; a game that, deep down, you enjoyed.
He was so predictable.Â
âIf I had known you liked strong men, I would have dyed my hair,â you heard him shout from behind you. Aegon wasn't the least bit shy. You shook your head, your silver locks bouncing.
"Get lost, you moron," you replied without even turning around.
The meal in honour of your betrothal promised to be exciting.
***Â
As soon as he saw you, your nephew rose to pull the chair beside him in a gallant gesture, and you found yourself watching him. Really watching him. His long, broad fingers on the back of the chair. His dark locks falling around his face. His precise features; his straight nose and deep eyes and square jaw. You hadn't realised how much your nephew had changed. He'd grown up too, and he was now a good head taller than you.Â
He had become a strong man, indeed.
But you refused to admit that Jacaerys Strong had become quite pleasant to look at.
"Princess," he said, pushing the chair back for you to sit down. Fingers brushed the skin of your partly bare shoulders. The touch had lasted a fraction of a second, enough to make you wonder if it had been a figment of your imagination.Â
"Lord Strong," you replied in greeting. If the words hurt him, Jace didn't show it. Always the perfect son. What would it take to push him over the edge? To crack the shell he'd built around himself? To shatter the image of the gentleman?
To your right, Aegon was already seated. He was holding a glass of wine between his fingers while Aemond seemed to be lecturing him about something you couldn't understand. The exchange between you and Jace had obviously not escaped his notice, and the corner of his mouth had already curled into a smirk. You knew what it meant.Â
His silence was full of implications, louder than any words.Â
Your mother had lectured him before dinner, warned him to behave because that was what was expected of him, and she was counting on you to make him obey.Â
But your older brother didn't say anything. He simply raised his glass in your direction, his lips forming a word that you couldn't read. You weren't sure if you were relieved or disappointed.
You looked at your nephew. He had donned a gambison in the colours of the Velaryons, and you couldn't help but smile at the irony of the situation.Â
After all, a bastard in blue was still a bastard.
"Enjoying King's Landing?" you asked your betrothed, in an attempt to start a conversation. His attention turned to you, his eyes widening slightly in surprise.Â
âIt's quite different from what I remember,â he replied, his voice a little lower than usual, his warm eyes meeting yours. âBut of course it all depends on the company you are with."
You hesitated, suddenly unsure.
You hated what the sound of his voice did to you. You hated the way his eyes suddenly made you feel vulnerable.Â
Fuck.
âIt all depends on the company, indeed. And do you find yourself in good company tonight, nephew?" You gave him a defiant look, as if to judge his reaction.Â
As if to unveil what he held within himself.Â
âI'm not quite sure. Should I?â He paused, one eyebrow raised. He had taken the bait. âWhat would yousay?â
His eyes sparkled with something you couldn't quite put your finger on. It wasn't the malice you usually found in Aegon's eyes when he wanted to tease you. It wasn't the gleam that animated his mind when he came up with a new plan for you to cover.Â
"I would say I'm in pretty strong company," you replied as you took your cup, a satisfied smile tugging at the corner of your lips that you hid behind the glass.Â
You were cruel, giving him no respite, you knew. But you admired his composure. He hadn't cracked yet.Â
You knew men who were less patient.
Jace leaned towards you. A slight tilt of the head, just to make sure you were the only one to hear him. As if he wanted to share a secret with you. âCareful, Aunt,â he began, his voice suddenly quieter than before. It was almost a whisper. âI might begin to think you enjoy my company.â
You know I don't, you wanted to reply, but Jace had already straightened up as if nothing had happened, his head turned away from you. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Baela give him a questioning look, and an unfamiliar sensation stirred in the pit of your stomach.Â
An unpleasant heat.Â
A hint of irritation.
You were annoyed, and you didn't know why.
âLook how handsome your betrothed has made himself for you,â Aegon sneered as he reached for the decanter and leaned in close to your ear. âA true Velaryon, isn't he?â He huffed.
You wanted to slap him on the thigh, make him swallow his mockery.Â
âIf you think he's so handsome, I can happily leave him to you,â you replied, and Aegon's eyes widened. You saw him take a sip of wine, and something deep inside you told you he probably wasn't opposed to the idea. His usual mischievous smile was hidden behind the wine glass, but there was no mistaking his eyes.
Aegon had that tendency to give himself away, and you could read him like an open book.
The meal proved to be as boring as you had imagined. Small talk exchanged over fake smiles. An illusory moment in which everything seemed to be going well for one evening.
You weren't fooled, and you knew it was all a facade. You knew your family well enough to understand that the slightest spark could set things alight. You knew your brothers well enough to realise that all it would take was a simple glance between them to liven up an evening they found dull.
You just hoped they wouldn't cause too much trouble tonight.
To your left, Jace was still deep in conversation with Baela. They had that kind of complicity that made your blood boil inside; a shared laugh that sounded in your ear like the squeaky music you hated. You frowned. It was you, his betrothed. It was you, not Baela, and you didn't understand why that statement was suddenly so important.Â
After all, you despised this union. You hated Jace. You had no desire to promise him the rest of your life.
Jace was a bastard, and you deserved better.
So why did the sight of him touching Baela's hand cause a twinge of jealousy in your body?
His fingers brushed over hers absently. A light touch on her knuckles.Â
And all you felt was fire.
And then. Then, your fingers slipped under the wooden table.Â
You knew you were playing with fire. And you knew that if anyone paid too much attention to what you were doing, they would see that you weren't exactly behaving like the perfect Princess Targaryen you were supposed to be.
But you didn't care.
You let your fingers wander, running along the outside of Jace's thigh before moving up to settle in the hollow that connected his thigh to his hip. With a faint touch, your fingertips brushed the inside of his thigh, and then lower, tracing small circles through the fabric that was already beginning to tighten.Â
Jace almost choked.Â
He spat out the contents of his glass, his dark gaze fixed on you. Everyone had fallen silent, their heads turned towards him. Rhaenyra's eyebrows were furrowed in concern.
And you hadn't removed your hand.Â
An innocent smile lit up your face, your eyes sparkling with mischief. You wondered if Aegon could read you. If he could see that look on your face, so similar to his own. That distinctive feature you shared.Â
Deciding to play with your prey a little longer, you put on your best fake concerned face, pretending to be worried about his health.
"Are you all right, Jacaerys?" you asked, your voice a little higher than usual as your nails dug into the fabric of his breeches. Not to hurt him, of course. Just enough to wake a certain part of him, just enough to remind him that you were his betrothed.
He cleared his throat and coughed again.
âI swallowed wrong,â he replied.Â
Your fingers crept a little higher, trying to explore his upper thigh, where you knew your nephew would be sensitive. You didn't want to be rational tonight, you wanted to let the fire take over and consume you.Â
You wanted to let the sleeping dragon within you awaken.
The taste of the forbidden was divine, and the heat spreading through your lower belly was too delicious to stop now.
"Be careful, mandianna. We're not married yet." you said.  We're not married yet and look where I've got my fingers. You kept your thoughts to yourself. "I wouldn't want to find myself a widow already," you replied in High Valyrian, amused, and Jace looked at you with his big brown eyes, somewhere between anger and excitement, embarrassment and curiosity.Â
Under the table, out of sight, your hand brushed the stretched fabric where you could read the confirmation of what he was feeling, the manifestation of his desire.
He was hard.
Perfect.
It was you who provoked this.Â
He responded to your touch.
You felt a familiar breath on the back of your neck and realised Aegon was leaning against you again. He was pretending to serve you some of the vegetables that had just been brought in for the starter, taking the opportunity to whisper in your ear as he did so well. "Try to be more discreet, little sister," he chuckled softly, his voice nothing more than a whisper to make sure no one heard you. Discreetly, he nodded to where your hand still rested on your nephew's thigh. He tilted his head. "Rhaenyra is right in front of us. Do you think she can see what you're doing to her son under the table?"
He put on his best disinterested face. As if the words exchanged between you were nothing more than banalities.Â
As if he weren't commenting on the indecent deeds you were doing under the table, unworthy of a girl of your rank.
"Shut up, Aegon," you replied, trying to keep a straight face. You didn't want him drawing any more of your family's attention to you, especially when you hadn't finished playing.
Your big brother gave you a knowing wink, as if to promise you that your secret was safe with him.
And you decided to continue entertaining yourself with the new game you'd invented.
You were bold, and you decided that if Jace didn't already know it, he would find out soon enough.
***Â
It wasn't that Jace was disappointed with his betrothal. You were divine, and the dress you wore made you so regal that he couldn't keep his attention anywhere but on your body, on your cleavage so gracefully offered to his gaze.
It was precisely why he had turned to Baela, why he had tried to distract himself with their conversation, why he had desperately tried to find something else to hold on to.
Because you were making him lose his footing. And that was a feeling he hated.
No, Jace did not regret his betrothal. You were everything a man could want; you were beautiful, you were regal, you were clever, and above all, you were a Targaryen. A princess. The king's daughter.
The only problem was you were distant and elusive.
Jace remembered your pretensions and mockeries from his childhood. He remembered the little brat you were, following in your older brother's footsteps. He remembered a little girl with a strong temper, who knew what she wanted. He remembered the pranks, not just the ones he'd taken part in, like the Pink Dread, but the ones that had turned against him because of you and Aegon, too.
It was clear that the little girl you had once been, taller than him, with long silver curls and an air of self-assurance far too confident for her young age, had grown into a beautiful young woman.Â
And that was something Jace hadn't considered.
He couldn't concentrate on his conversation with Baela, not when your fingers were digging through the linen of his breeches into the flesh of his thigh, as if to remind him to whom he had been promised. Â
Your fingers, slender, light, burning against his inner thigh.Â
He clenched his jaw.
All around him, the words and faces of the guests mingled in a swirl of sound and colour. Fuck.
Fuck.
His breeches were really becoming too tight.
You'd dared to do that. You'd dared to slip your fingers under the table, in front of everyone, and Jace didn't know whether to admire your audacity or wrap his fingers around your wrist and force you to take them off.Â
Suddenly he felt hot, a familiar warmth spreading between his loins.Â
He wasn't sure he could get up, not with his member pulsing between his thighs.Â
Fuck. You weren't supposed to make him feel like this. He wasn't supposed to feel such a desire for you when you weren't officially married.
This dinner was about officially declaring your betrothal, not consummating a union not yet pronounced.
He was trying to calm down. He tried to ground himself back into reality. Perhaps by staring intently at the contents of his plate he could ignore the sensation of your fingers rising dangerously high; the desperate need to finally have your fingers wrapped around his manhood.
His knees slammed into the table in a sudden movement.
Your fingers had just brushed the bulge that had formed between his thighs.Â
And he needed more, infinitely more.
You couldn't have the cruelty to arouse such lust in him and then leave him like that. He would never forgive you.
"Stop that," he growled in your direction, low enough for no one else to hear.Â
But you still had that damn innocent smile, that damn audacity to act as if nothing had happened.Â
"I don't know what you're talking about, mandianna." Nephew. The sound of the High Valyrian rolling off your tongue sent a wave of heat between his legs. Seven hells, you were going to be the death of him.Â
He wanted more.Â
He needed more.Â
More of your fingers around him, more of your tongue against his length, more of that innocent look on your face as you knelt before him, more of your tight cunt.
Jace was on the verge of losing it. You'd made him a slave to his own desire. You had closed your claws around him and he knew there was no turning back now.
âIf you play with fire too much, you might get burned, muĂąa," Jace retorted, leaning towards you, and he felt the imperceptible movement of your hand twitching at the threat. Aunt.
Despite his dwindling strength, King Viserys tried to make a speech about family, betrothal, and a whole host of other undoubtedly honourable values, but neither you nor Jace paid any attention. You were caught up in your own game.
Then Jace stood up, forcing you to remove your hand.Â
You could see he was uncomfortable, for you knew where to look, for you knew what you had done.Â
You knew he had a painful erection between his thighs, and it was all because of you.
But you could only admire your nephew's composure.Â
âTo my uncles, Prince Aegon and Prince Aemond. I have fond memories of our shared childhood.â His glass between his fingers, he raised it in the direction of his uncles, then turned to you. "And to my sweet and beautiful bride-to-be, who I'm sure will never cease to surprise me with her daring and surprising side. May our marriage be filled with joy and satisfaction".
The toasts continued, as did the meal. The servants had brought the rest of the dishes consisting of steaming meat and tasty garnishes. It was almost too joyous, almost too happy to be real. As if there was a threat lurking somewhere in the corner.
But Jace still had to teach you a lesson.
The music started, the sound of instruments filling the room. Jace apologised to Baela and walked over to his aunt. His other aunt. Your sister.Â
And you felt the anger return; the same inner turmoil as before.Â
Jace had held out his hand to Helaena and led her to dance a little further away. You immediately exchanged a questioning look with your brother, who had also stared at Jace in disbelief as he had walked away on your little sister's arm.
"So?" Aegon began. "It seems your betrothed didn't appreciate your little game?" You glared at him, but he just scoffed. "If he changes his mind... You know I like it."Â
You wondered if you could do the same. You wondered if you could ask Aegon to dance and if Jace would feel the same bubbling inside him, the same jealousy coursing through his veins.
You hated that feeling.Â
You shouldn't feel that kind of emotion, especially not for him.
You obviously didn't see it, too focused on your own annoyance, but Jace kept glancing in your direction, as if to make sure you saw him.Â
He wanted to make you jealous. He wanted to fuel the feeling he'd identified in you. He wanted to catch you at your own game. And one thing was certain, Jace hadn't played all his cards yet.
Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
After a moment that seemed an eternity, your betrothed returned to sit beside you, Helena going back to her own seat. You were less and less able to hide your annoyance, and no doubt Jace noticed, for he leaned towards you, a satisfied look on his face. "Your sister is very sweet," he murmured. He knew very well that this simple phrase would be enough to send you over the edge.Â
You liked attention. You liked compliments. You liked to be praised.Â
You said nothing back. But Aegon had his trademark grin, the one that stretched his lips when he had a devious plan, and he was already getting up on the pretext of serving Baela some wine so he could whisper in his nephew's ear.  "I know my little sister can be particularly demanding.â He paused. âAnd difficult to tame. So if you ever need any advice... Or demonstrationsâŚ"
Jace was fuming, but he knew he had to keep his cool. It was Aegon, typical Aegon, to push his buttons, to succeed in making him suddenly unsure of himself, to make his mind confused. His fingers closed around his cup, his jaw clenched, and it took all his self-control not to throw the contents in his uncle's face.Â
He didn't even look at Aegon, who had returned to his seat with a triumphant smile.
But you felt something under the table. Something slipped between the folds of your dress, along your skin, discreetly, lightly, a delicious touch against your skin that made you want more.
Your eyes widened.
Jace.Â
Jace the perfect son. Jace the model son.Â
Jace slipping his fingers under your dress, touching the skin of your thigh, rising dangerously high where you could already feel the wetness forming in the crease between your thighs.Â
This was the moment he snapped, you knew it. You hadn't heard your brother's words, you had only seen him lean towards your betrothed, but you knew he must have struck a chord with Jacaerys Velaryon. That he had probably touched his weak spot.Â
Or perhaps you were just getting your comeuppance. After teasing him, after making him hard and desperate.
Jace moved his hand, tracing the space where your skin was soft and tender, all the way up your thigh, with a slow, gentle touch. His hand moved further towards the centre of you, where you were sensitive, and he brushed against your crotch. He didn't even need to apply any pressure with his fingertips to tell that you were wet.
Your hips automatically moved towards his hand in search of more contact, causing you to wiggle in your chair. All you wanted to do was grab his wrist, force him to slide his fingers under the fabric separating you, force him to touch you right here. But you were still at dinner and the game was becoming far too dangerous.Â
"I told you to be careful," Jace whispered as he withdrew his fingers and resumed his serious gaze, his fingers fidgeting on the wood of the table. âTwo can play at this game.â
And then perhaps the Seven heard you. Perhaps they were offering you a way out. To be honest, you weren't sure if it was a miracle or a curse. For Aemond had risen, and he had done what he did best; he had made a mocking and provocative speech to his nephews.Â
Everything happened quickly. Jace and Luke leapt to their feet to answer the provocation, Aemond and Aegon were ready to fight back, and even Baela and Rhaena were prepared to defend their family. You had no time to move, no time to react, for dinner was already over, and so was your little game of cat and mouse with Jace.
This was your way out, you knew it. You were tired of sitting around a table listening to boring speeches. And the entertainment that had consisted of sliding your fingers under the table to push Jacaerys Strong over the edge had now turned against you.
"I shall rest," you warned your mother, who was deep in conversation with Rhaenyra, her features wrinkled with worry. "Tonight's events have left me somewhat tired. And I think a night's rest would do me a world of good."  She nodded, stroking your hair, and you knew instinctively what she was thinking. Always the perfect daughter.
And as you passed through the heavy door of the dining room, you hurried off in a direction that was not that of your room.
Oh, but if she knew.
***Â
Thankfully, the corridor was deserted. You didn't have the slightest desire to run into a guard who would ask you where you were going or escort you to your room for security reasons.Â
Your steps were as discreet as possible on the stone floor, like those of a small mouse. You moved quickly, stealthily, almost on tiptoe.
Only the crackle of the fire broke the heavy silence between the cold walls, where the dancing shadows of the flames distorted.
You slowed your pace. You had a doubt. You weren't sure which door was the one you were looking for.Â
And then suddenly, as you reached the end of the corridor, you felt a hand grab your wrist and pull you against the wall, away from prying eyes. A strong grip, as if it didn't want to let you vanish again.
Jace was holding you between the wall and his own body. Despite the darkness, you could see his eyes shining in the candlelight, fueled by a devouring hunger you didn't know he possessed. He stared at you for a moment. His eyes in yours. A tension hung between you, burning, ready to consume you both, and you were completely willing.
Gently yet firmly he turned your body. Your chest against the cold wall, your back against his warm chest, and you pulled your hips back to provoke him. You wouldn't succumb so easily, not to Jacaerys.
He pressed himself against you, moving his pelvis forward so you could feel his hard member against the top of your buttocks.
"Do you feel what you're doing to me?" Another thrust of his hips. "Can you feel the effect you're having on me?" He pressed harder against you. Through the layers of fabric between you, you could almost feel him throb. Gods, he seemed big. "Teasing me all evening... Such a tease, aren't you?"
If it wasn't the consequence of your own actions.
You stifled a moan with your arm so as not to attract any patrolling guards. What you were doing was dangerous. At any moment you could be caught. At any moment you could be in big trouble.
But you couldn't stop now. Not when the best was yet to come.
You moved again, seeking more contact, seeking to make Jace harder and more painful than he already was, and you turned your head to challenge him. "What if it's you who's just too weak?"
You felt his hoarse breath against the back of your neck, at the base of your hair. He seemed to be hesitating, thinking. About what he was going to do to you, about what he was going to do to make sure you were responsible for your actions. Again he turned you so that you had your back to the wall, facing him, and you recognised the gleam of desire in his eyes.
Towering over you, he lowered his gaze to you, your faces inches apart. For a moment he let his eyes devour you, wandering from your eyes to your lips, from your lips to your breasts, visible through the fabric of your dress. He wanted to keep this image printed behind his eyelids; your half-open lips, your pleading gaze, like that of a little girl caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
You looked ravishing.
"Tell me to stop," Jace murmured. And you knew it was the sensible thing to do, you knew it was better to stop everything now, while it was still possible to turn back. For you weren't married yet.Â
But you had no desire to be responsible.
His fingers curled around a lock of your hair and tucked it behind your ear, waiting for your answer before continuing.
"What if I don't want you to stop?" you replied, your eyes locked with his. He felt your hand against his cheek as you detailed his face, tracing his well-sculpted cheeks, and he longed for more contact, his face seeking the warmth of your palm.Â
You put your arms around his neck to draw him closer, to close the distance between your lips, to feel his warmth against your body.
To quench this desire, this need that was becoming uncontrollable.
And your lips met in a feverish, urgent kiss. He pressed you further against the wall, his fingers running down your sides, brushing against the breasts he so craved.
He found your hips and his fingers worked frantically up the bottom of your dress in a crumpled ball of fabric to reach your core. "Look at how wet you are." His fingers brushed your folds through your undergarments. "All of this just for teasing me." He pressed one hand against the wall, still leaning against you, but not giving you what you wanted: his hand had stopped, and you tried to wiggle your hips to force him to continue, to force him to give you what you wanted.
Deep down, you loved the way he was losing control.Â
You loved that side of Jace you didn't know.Â
So you grabbed his wrist, guiding his fingers under the last barrier that separated his skin from yours.Â
The sensation was delicious.Â
The touch of his warm fingers against your folds sent a wave of heat from your lower belly through your entire body. You didn't want him to stop. "Here." You breathed against his lips. "This is where muĂąa needs you." Aunt. He tensed beneath you, and you wondered if it was the ambiguity of the family tie, uttered in High Valyrian, that had such an effect on him.Â
You let your lips brush against his.
He collected your wetness on his fingers, exploring the slit between your folds up to your little pearl. You were soaking wet. And you desperately needed him inside you.Â
His fingers slid down to your opening where he applied a little pressure with the tip of his index finger without ever penetrating you.
"I know," he murmured, drawing small circles before abandoning your opening to return to your bud. "But I can't give you what you want now."
You whimpered under his cruelty, against his lips.Â
You could see through his game.Â
He wanted to make you beg, but you weren't the kind to beg. You were the one with the power and you were going to show him.
"We shouldn't stay here," you muttered, rubbing yourself against your nephew's hand. "If someone catches us..."
Jace nodded his head in agreement, withdrawing his fingers glistening with your juice, which you guided to his own lips, spreading the stickiness against his lips.Â
"If you're a good boy, I'll let you taste me."
And with that, he pulled you into his room.
***Â
Lying on the bed where you'd pushed him, Jace watched as you removed your dress, his prominent erection stretching the fabric of his breeches. The dress fell to the floor, forming a red puddle that you stepped over, one foot after the other.
Your nephew couldn't look away from your hypnotic figure, but his eyes inevitably wandered back to your breasts. You'd seen him glancing at your cleavage all evening, you could tell he wanted to run his fingers over your soft flesh, his lips over your nipples, and now that you were completely naked in front of him, you could see the unmistakable desire in his eyes.
You walked up to him. He clenched his jaw when he saw you. You, and the perfection of your shape, your little pointed nipples, the tantalising path that led from your chest to the space between your thighs where he knew you were soaked for him.Â
The flat of your hand pressed against his chest, forcing him to lie down between the pillows. He complied, never breaking the eye contact between the two of you, and you took your place on top of him, your legs on either side of his body. His husky breath escaped through his parted lips, lightly caressing your face.
You were naked, he was still dressed, and you had infinite power over him.
You lowered your hips against his covered crotch, the essence of your desire staining the linen of his breeches as your hips began to move slowly.
You leaned down and traced his jaw with the tip of your lips, planting kisses along his throat. Underneath you, his member twitched. Mimicking what he'd done earlier, you let your fingers rest on the painful bulge between his legs and whispered, "I know." You applied a little more pressure, drawing a moan from between his lips. "I know it's painful. But I can't give you what you want right now."
Jace growled. He wanted to turn you over, slam you against the mattress, pound into you and make you swallow your insolence. But he wanted to see how far you were willing to go. He wanted to see you keep control for a while longer.
You deftly undid his breeches to make it easier for your hand to slip through. You found his hard member, warm and heavy between your fingers.
It was a new sensation. As a model princess, you'd never ventured into this territory, saving your maidenhood for your future husband.
But Jace was your future husband.
You closed your fingers around him, your thumb collecting the sticky beads that had already formed at the tip of his cock and spreading it along his length.Â
"First I want to come on your tongue," your lips articulated against the skin of his throat as the hand that was in his breeches moved up his torso to close around his jaw, your thumb caressing his lower lip to emphasise your words. "Will you let me?" you added. In response, he let the tip of his tongue slip between his lips, touching the pad of your finger. "Let me show you," he whispered.
And indeed, Jace worked devotedly between your thighs, his tongue tracing the length of your slit, drinking in your essence as it flowed from your entrance like a delicious nectar. His tongue tickled your little knob, his thumbs spreading your folds to gain access to the treasure he coveted.
One of his fingers found your hole clenching around nothing, tracing small circles against it to force you to voice what you wanted. "Do you need me here?" he whispered against your flesh, the vibration of his deep voice sending shivers through your core. Your hands buried themselves in the dark mass of his hair and you moved your hips against his face, urging him to maintain the contact of his mouth against you. "Use your words, muùa," he added, despite his nose being buried between your folds.
When you gave him the answer he was waiting for, he let a finger enter you in a delicious stretch. You held back a moan, your fingers digging deeper into his hair, not caring if you were hurting him or not. He continued to explore your cunt with his tongue, like a thirsty man, like a devoted man.
You wouldn't last long, your release close.
Jace then added a second finger. The sensation of his fingers inside you, against that rough spot, combined with that of his tongue between your folds, against your pearl, was simply divine.Â
"Go on," Jace started, but you immediately cut him off. "Shut up." You didn't want him to speak. You wanted him to continue with his damn tongue, with his broad fingers inside you. You didn't want him to stop. "I am... I am close."
And your climax washed over your entire body like a wave of warmth. Your legs closed around your nephew's face.
It was probably one of the best sensations you'd ever experienced.
Still between your legs, his fingers gripping your thighs, Jace collected your arousal on his tongue, sending shivers of overstimulation down your spine, and your whole body shuddering in a brutal spasm. You straightened up, knees still bent, your hand returning to your nephew's hair to guide him over you, his face close to yours. You stroked his cheek gently, as if to let him know he was a good boy, and your thumb picked up the sticky fluid that was smeared all over the bottom of his face.
You were both out of breath. You from the intense release you'd felt, he from the dedication he'd shown.
A smirk formed at the corner of your lips, and you pressed your thumb between his lips to ensure he didn't waste anything. Jace tilted his face close to yours. "You taste divine," he breathed, turning your cheeks red. "But now I need to be inside you."
His fingers slipped between your thighs, where your centre was pulsing, still far too sensitive from the ministrations he had given you.Â
"You can give me another, can't you?" He asked, and you nodded, so sore.
After he undressed, Jace pushed on your shoulders to make you lie down, but you skilfully changed positions, taking him by surprise.
You were unwilling to give him the power he wanted, not yet.
Straddling him, you moved your hips to rub your crotch against his erect manhood, spreading your wetness along his length. Beneath you, his torso rose and fell rapidly, and the grunts he let out conveyed his need for more. So your hand sought his hard member, guiding it to your entrance without letting it penetrate you. "So?" you asked playfully. "Do you think you've been a good boy ? Do you think you deserve to be inside me?" You wanted to make him beg, and Jace could see right through you. "To be the first?" you added, lowering your voice slightly, as if you were telling him a secret.
But he wasn't sure he could hold out much longer.
So he capitulated, giving you the defeat you'd been waiting for.
"Yes." he breathed. "Please." Your victorious smile stretched your lips and you guided him further against you, pressing his erection against your opening. Fuck. He was massive.
He was about to breathe a sigh of relief, ready to feel your velvet walls tighten around him, but you blocked his hip movement.Â
It wasn't enough.
"Please who?" you asked, your fingers moving back and forth around his manhood. He glared at you. You were gloating. "Please, muùa," he finally begged, and you gave him what he wanted.
You lowered your hips to let him slide into you in a long thrust that stretched you around him. He was indeedmassive, and the new sensation of having him inside you was a delicious mix of dull pain and burning pleasure. You stood still for a moment to adjust to his presence inside you, your core throbbing around him. The initial pinch gradually dissipated, replaced by a pleasant sensation that sent a wave of warmth through your body.Â
And then he began to thrust in and out, pushing up to sink into you. "Fuck...fuck, you're tight," Jace growled. Your loose hair cascaded down either side of your face, tickling his cheeks, and he caught it in a messy bun to hold it behind your head.Â
You could feel the same pleasure as before building up in your lower abdomen.Â
Gods, you could feel him so intensely. So deeply too. Bouncing rhythmically against that particular part of you.Â
You buried your head in his neck, his woody scent filling your nostrils.
It was primal. Animal, between the two of you. All that mattered was the here and now. Your body against his, the sweat beading between you, the moans filling the room.
Jace tugged at your hair, causing you to throw your head back, freeing access to your chest, and he straightened up into a sitting position, his member still deep inside you, to find your breast. He buried his face in it and your hand instinctively found the back of his head to stroke his hair. Jace's lips traced a trail of kisses down the valley between your breasts, following the curve of your flesh before closing around your nipple, which he sucked gently. One of his arms wrapped around you to hold you tight against him, his other hand resting on the breast he wasn't devouring.
You stayed like that for a while, your legs on either side of him, his mouth seeking solace in your breasts, the divine sensation of being full, with him inside you, in the softness of the night, the flames rocking your lovemaking.
One of Jace's arms finally found your back and in one swift movement he reversed position. He desperately needed more, sensing that he wouldn't last long.Â
He pinned you beneath him, against the mattress, your legs immediately closing around him and the pace quickened.  His thrusts became more messy, more sloppy because of your two combined essences.  "You're mine, now" he grunted, and you shivered. His index and middle fingers wandered between your folds, caressing the spot where you were joined before moving to the pearl hidden at the top of your slit. "Am I?" you replied teasingly. You could feel him throbbing inside you. "Then be a good boy now and give muùa your seed."
That was the spark that ignited the fire. Jace quickened the rhythm of his hips, his fingers still buried between your folds, his movements erratic. With each of his thrusts, you felt his member hitting that sensitive spot against your spongy inner walls. You tensed and for the second time that evening, your release flooded your entire body.  You were followed by your nephew as Jace spilled into you, his seed painting white ropes against your womb.
He lay still inside you for a moment, his cock softening as you both caught your breath, your hands in his dark curls, his head at the nape of your neck.Â
You winced as he withdrew from your still sensitive core, his now cold seed flowing between your thighs. Jace dropped down beside you, satisfied. Then you turned to him. You grabbed his wrist one last time and guided his fingers to your centre, where your folds were smeared with the remnants of your lovemaking.
"Look how much you've left inside me," you whispered into his ear, making Jace collect his own seed on his fingertips and push it back into you. "I'm going to keep it all inside me, would you like that, sweet boy?" you whispered again.
And Jace pulled you against him to kiss you, his member stirring between his thighs, against you. It was true that he'd given you the upper hand this time. But he was ready to show you what he could do. You snuggled up against his chest, tucking your head under his chin.
"PerhapsâŚWe should bring the wedding date forward."
And he smiled.
#jacaerys x reader#jacaerys velaryon#jacaerys x you#jacaerys velaryon x reader#jace x reader#jace velaryon#hotd x reader#jacaerys smut#jacaerys x y/n#jacaerys x fem!reader#jacaerys velaryon fanfic
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RIDE OR DIE .á
in a world where horsepower meets heartstrings, and bookstore meet-cutes lead to motorcycle mishaps, you soon realize that opposites do attract in ways that blur the line between fiction and reality.
ââ PAIRINGS. ryĹmen sukuna, fem!reader
ââ GENRE. fluff, smut, established relationship, biker boy x book girl au, 18+
ââ TAGS. biker!kuna, backpack!reader, profanity, reckless driving, mentions of violence (not to reader), bruises, police, fellatio, cunnilingus, protected, explicit smut, sukuna being a cute bf
ââ NOTES. 8.3k word count. my biker!kuna fics are unstoppable atp đŽâđ¨ and as an irl writer gf to a biker bf, this is a very self-indulgent fic. got lazy with the smut so i copied bits from my other gojo oneshot. reblogs are highly appreciated <3
ââ INSPOS. my fav biker boys on biketok: that10r, dylan.r.one, raven.coop, onyx_r7, senor_torque, blacchornets, aushendrivessafe, tiiidddooo, bongo & takaro đ¤đď¸đ¨
After dating you for six months, Sukuna realized that nothing in the world could capture your attention like your cherished collection of fictional booksâexcept, of course, him. But before he entered the picture, you were always immersed in solitary bliss at the cafe or library, lost in the intricate worlds of your latest literary fascination to the point where it was almost impossible to pull you out of it.Â
Yet, it became an unspoken understanding between you both; he respected your need for uninterrupted reading time, allowing you to lose yourself in stories populated by your favorite characters, while in return, you supported his desire for a thrilling experience of riding his bike despite the inherent risks that came with it.Â
He vividly remembered the first time he saw you while riding his bike through the city. You were crossing the street then, carrying a bag of books you had just bought from Barnes & Noble, and the sight of you in a cute sundress had him completely distracted from the road. So in an attempt to catch your attention, he revved his bike to âflexâ. But in his effort to impress, he missed the red light and had to brake abruptly, causing him to lose control and drop his bike to the ground.Â
That was the very first time he had ever dropped his precious R1 after a year of riding it. If it had been his old R7, he wouldnât have cared as much, but his R1âhis expensive, still-on-the-loan, matte black, fully customized R1âhit the pavement along with him. For bikers, these kinds of things hurt.
Now, talk about embarrassing. You even stopped to look at him in concern that day and if only you could see his blushing face behind his helmet. But at least, looking back at your meet-cute, he could tell you that he did, in fact, fall for you. Literally.
And there canât be anything truer than that.
âAww, sheâs cute,â Choso remarked, gesturing his chin towards you with a teasing grin as they dismounted their bikes at the parking lot. You were there sitting in a cafe with a book on your lap, unaware that you were being conversed about by these two men right outside.
Sukuna jabbed him on the side and motioned for him to stop staring. âFuck off. Sheâs mine.â
As Choso lifted his helmet, a group of girls outside the cafe couldnât help but swoon over the two bikers, whispering and commenting on how hot and attractive they looked. And being the fucker that he was, completely absorbed in the attention from the girls, Choso had momentarily forgotten about Sukuna as he swaggered towards them with a confident smirk, glancing back at his friend and playfully raising his eyebrows.
âYou go ahead. Iâll go check out the scenery,â Choso said in his usual mischief, âUnless you want to join me?â
Sukuna, still sporting his helmet, smugly showed him a picture of you as his phoneâs home screen. âSorry, already got my hands full with my princess.â
âWhatever. Tell Y/N I said hi,â Choso replied with a chuckle, before turning his attention back to the admiring group of girls.
You sat in your customary corner of the cafe, near the window, with a barely touched cup of coffee before you. Your attention was still and all riveted to the pages of your current book, remaining oblivious to the world around you as it looked like you were just getting to the good part of the storyline. Sukuna decided it would be a charming surprise to approach you as he entered the cafe, his arrival catching the eye of another group of girls who noticed him immediately, but he ignored their glances when he made his way towards your small area.
In his usual black leather jacket, Sukuna pulled a chair backward and straddled it, casually resting his arms on the backrest. With both legs on either side, he settled in, observing you intently behind his black helmet. A faint smirk played on his lips as he quietly watched you absorbed in your reading, and for now, he said nothing and enjoyed the moment silently.
He gave it a minute or so for you to realize.Â
5⌠4⌠3⌠2⌠âL-Lovey?â By the time you finally noticed his presence, you saw your widened eyes at his reflective visor when you looked up at him.Â
âHey, baby girl.â Sukuna pushed the button to lift his visor, revealing his narrow eyes that were locked onto yours. He had that boyish grin sitting handsomely on his lips.
As for you, you looked like you were blushing. That, or perhaps there was some sort of fluttering happening inside your heart at the unexpected sight of him. It was probably taking you a moment to separate fiction from reality, because not long ago, you were too fixated on the fictional boy written on the pages of your book. Now, your very real and actual boyfriend was here. For you. âUm⌠How long have you been there?â
âNot that long,â he assured in his usual low, velvet voice. âI just arrived, actually. Didnât wanna disturb my baby.â
Your curious eyes fell on the red tribal decals on his black Nexx SX100r helmet, reminding you of the same face tattoo designs he had mentioned wanting to get, but you were refusing to let him have. âNew helmet?â
Sukuna nodded, smirking as he tapped the headgear with his gloved hand. âYeah, you like it?â
âI do,â you replied, smiling. âItâs very you.â
âThanks, baby.â
You glanced at his sleek black Yamaha R1 outside the window and immediately closed your chosen book for the day. âOkay, wellâŚâ You met his gaze again. âI have backpack duties today, donât I?â
He was quick to dismiss it. âNo, no. You can finish reading. I donât mind just sittinâ here and watching you for a while.â
But, being the stubborn girl you were, you were already packing your book into your bag. You didnât even listen to a word he said. âDid you bring my helmet?â
ââCourse, princess. Your helmetâs right there strapped onto the backseat.â Your boyfriend leaned in closer and pointed to his sportbike. Just as he took your bag from you, his eyes lingered on your lips for a moment. âSo, youâre gonna be my pretty little backpack today?â
You mustnât have realized it, but the two of you had become the subject of envious stares in the cafe. Most of the girls who looked your way were clearly jealous. Yet your cute, clueless self didnât even seem to notice as you clung to his arm. âYes, lovey. I miss being your backpack.âÂ
Did you know? Sukuna always melted from your enthusiasm. And he couldnât even resist pinching your cheeks. âAlright, then.â His hand moved to squeeze your nose. âI'll be your personal chauffeur, and youâll be my cute little backpack whoâs clinging tightly to me the whole time. Sounds good?â
âYessir,â you answered with a playful salute.Â
âGood girl.â He then took your hand in his, leading you out of the cafe and onto the parking lot when he all of a sudden felt a tug on his arm.Â
You had a visible pout displayed. âLovey, wait!âÂ
âWhat is it, baby?â The question came out of him softly, tilting his head when he looked at you.Â
âMy kiss,â you said sweetly, making Sukuna feel like Cupid shot an arrow to his heart. âYou forgot.â
How can one person be so unbelievably adorable? Just how? How on Earth did he land the cutest girl on the planet? The cuteness aggression was certainly urging him to fall on his knees right now. With the weakness he tried to restrain inside, he was trying his hardest to laugh it off on the outside. âOh damn, youâre right.â He pulled his helmet up, leaning in forward to place a warm, tender kiss on your soft lips. He could hear the hearts of the surrounding girls breaking at the sight. âCanât believe I forgot to give my baby the most important item of the day.âÂ
Satisfied with the kiss, you followed your tattooed boyfriend like a shadow to meet his bike, âFuryâ, as he affectionately named it. The sportbike rocked a midnight black wrap and the cool customizations he added made it a standout even more. Of course, what kind of person would think Sukuna would stick with a boring base design? One of the best things about his R1 was its front light, infamous in the bike community, as it resembled a menacing face that added to its aggressive allure. It was also equipped with a powerful 998cc inline-four engine, leaving no questions why âFuryâ roared with a throaty exhaust note that echoed through the streets. Sukuna chuckled inwardly at the thought. He hoped you wouldnât mind, but this big bad boy would have been the love of his life if you hadnât come along.Â
âLove, I was thinking,â you interrupted his trance as he slipped the smaller helmet over your head, deftly securing the straps under your chin, âDo you think we can swing by the bookstore on the way?â
His lips curved into a smile. âSure, we can. You wanna pick up more books to read?â
âI do,â you confirmed, yet hesitated at the end of your tone. âWell, thereâs this book I wanna read, but⌠it has eighteen plus stuff.â
Sukuna raised an eyebrow in intrigue, his visor still up as he effortlessly lifted you onto the back of his bike with one arm. âOh, so itâs a spicy book, huh?â he teased, recalling the discussions he had seen on âbiketokâ where he went by the username r1.skn. His TikTok account was an unexpected blend of motorcycle enthusiasts and book lovers, and that unique intersection of interests amused him endlessly. âThink my followers would love to know what my backpackâs gonna read next.âÂ
Even with your helmet on, he could sense the shy smile behind it. âNo, please donât film our ride today!â
âHmm⌠What kind of spicy book are we talking about, baby?â he asked, settling onto his bike and revving the engine. When your arms were securely wrapped around his torso, he took that as a go signal to hold the throttle and smoothly shift from first to second gear. âIs it very naughty?â
You hugged him tightly from behind. âUm, itâs about this biker guy and a bookish girl,â you introduced the plot coyly, âAnd yes, it has some steamy scenes.â
He glanced at you through the bikeâs mirror, ensuring that you were safe and secured behind him. Sukuna then shifted into third gear as you entered an empty road, gradually picking up speed. The roar of his bike was louder than his voice. âReally? I bet the biker guy is a dominant one.â
âYeah.â Your grip tightened on his compression shirt, almost as if you were trying to feel his abs through the fabric. âHeâs got tattoos, too.â
What a tease. âYou better picture me as that biker guy when you read that book, princess,â he playfully warned, âYouâre mine, both in real life and in your fantasies.â
âYes, but my lovey is hotter.âÂ
âGood response, baby. You have taste.âÂ
As you reached the stoplight in the city intersection, Sukuna slowed down and adjusted the small camera mounted on his bike to make sure it still had the perfect angle of you two. He couldnât help but chuckle as he now had evidence of how touchy his cute, little backpack could get. You sensed him filming your interaction, but instead of pulling your hand away, you leaned further against his back and playfully touched his toned chest. He was surprised and amused at the action, gently pulling your hand down when your silly hands squeezed his chest, but you remained undeterred by placing them near his crotch the next. Your boyfriend hoped to God that none of the surrounding cars were recording you two for your affectionate display in the middle of the traffic.Â
âBrat,â he teased back with a shake of his head. âA brat who always gets what she wants, especially in bed.â
Your whine followed, along with a light slap on his arm. âHey!âÂ
Why was this red light taking too long? He was getting all bricked up the more he could feel your tits pressing against his back. Although, he considered it a blessing and curse, because the only distraction that was served to you two was when another bike pulled up ahead of cars lined up behind you. It was a white Kawasaki ZX-10R. And its owner? A jerk who had a clear death wish.Â
âHey there, sexy,â catcalled the rider of the 10R, stopping exactly where he could see your rear. âCute helmet.âÂ
Sukuna knew you well enough to know that you were offering an uncomfortable, yet polite smile underneath the helmet. But it was the tug at your boyfriendâs shirt that made him glance over the biker with a hint of warning in his eyes. âWhatâd you say?â His voice carried a menacing edge. While he hadnât been in a brawl in a while, he definitely didnât mind the idea of one now. âBack off my girl or Iâll smash your head on the ground.âÂ
The ZX-10R rider chuckled, hands in the air like an idiot. âAlright, man. No harm meant.âÂ
âShut it.âÂ
âOkay, jeez! How about a little race to settle things? See whoâs got the faster ride?â
Sukuna scoffed, finding it hard to believe that a random guy, especially an obvious amateur, had the audacity to challenge him to a race. Didnât he know? Ryomen Sukuna wasnât nicknamed the King of the Streets for nothing. He had been riding motorcycles for twelve years now, starting with a modest 300cc and graduating to his current 1000cc superbike. His riding experience was unmatched. He also knew every biker in the area as it was his turf. Yet this ZX-10R rider had appeared out of nowhere with such laughable confidence.Â
Thanks to him, your boyfriendâs competitive spirit was ignited. âYouâre on.â
âCool,â the other biker replied.
Meanwhile, you tensed behind Sukuna and gripped his shirt tighter than before. âLove, I donât think this is a good idea.â
He turned his head, gently held the top of your head, and gave you a sweet âhelmet kissâ. âIâll keep you safe,â he reassured, âJust hold on tight for me, okay?â
As soon as the light turned green, best believe the street became a racetrack. All the cars were left behind to dust with the roar of motorcycles as both bikers increased their speed, side by side, in a fierce race. Sukuna shifted into third gear as he passed the next intersection, then into fourth gear when the ZX-10R caught up to him. He could feel your hold around him tightening more than ever as the rush of the wind blew through your helmetâs visor.
He thought you might hate it, but you were surprisingly loving the thrill of the scene.Â
âGo, baby!â you cheered, holding onto him for dear life. Cute.Â
âNot bad, man!â the other biker shouted over the wind, pulling ahead slightly at Sukunaâs moment of distraction. âBut try harder!â
Tch. Sukuna gritted his teeth and focused all his senses on the road ahead. He weaved through traffic, maneuvering his bike skillfully and taking advantage of every opportunity to gain ground. In no time, he caught up with the ZX-10R rider, and they soon raced neck and neck. They exchanged glances as they sped between cars, with the other vehicles blurring around them in motion. The thrill of the competition fueled their adrenaline, while you, as the passenger, felt your heart pounding with excitement.
Both bikes continued to zoom down the road. And it was also during that time when Sukuna locked his mind and body into analyzing the situation. Letâs see, he thought, should I push Fury to its limits?
He calculated his next move, feeling the strong breeze on his face and the vibrations of the powerful engine beneath him. The ZX-10R rider was good, but Sukuna knew he had the skills and the bike to outpace him. He just needed to time it right. Between a ZX-10R and an R1, a quick Google search would tell you that the 10R pulls faster than an R1 engine wise. While both bikes were top-tier, high performance vehicles with a 200 horsepower and a top speed exceeding 180mph, the 10Râs disadvantage is being 7 kg heavier, which instantly gave Sukuna an edge in this situation. Being the lighter bike between the two would certainly make him marginally better at handling and acceleration.Â
With that, your boyfriend capitalized on his bikeâs strengths and shifted into sixth gear at the next intersection, surging ahead and crossing the finish line just as the ZX-10R was left stuck at the last stoplight.
Sweet, sweet victory. Sukuna sped onto the freeway, shouting triumphantly into the air. âWoohoo!â He could feel the jolt of adrenaline satiating his need for a thrilling ride.Â
âB-Babe.â You, on the other hand, tugged at his shirt in worry. âBabe, weâre going too fast. The copsâ!â
The sound of the siren snapped Sukuna back to reality in an instant. âShit,â he muttered under his breath, frustrated by the abrupt interruption. âCanât even have a minute to celebrate my win.âÂ
While he could have engaged in a high-speed freeway chase if he wanted to, especially having already escaped the police once, having you with him now made him opt for better judgment. His promise to keep you safe was his foremost priority here. So, swallowing his pride with a tightened jaw, he slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road as the police car trailed behind.
The officer swiftly exited his vehicle and approached you two. âEvening, folks,â the stern voice of the elderly officer broke the tension. âLicense and registration, please.â
Sukuna retrieved his wallet and handed over his license and registration, then turned to you, placing a protective hand on your thigh. He could tell his poor little backpack was feeling anxious.Â
The cop then glanced between you and Sukuna, his gaze lingering on you with concern. âMaâam, are you alright?â he asked, his focus more on your well-being than on the biker himself.
You nodded, trying to appear composed despite the adrenaline still coursing through you. âYes, officer. Iâm fine.â
The officer soon directed his attention to the R1. âWhatâs the fastest youâve been on this thing?â
Sukuna couldnât resist a cheeky reply. âSpeed limit.â
âVery funny,â said the unamused officer, who retreated to his vehicle to run Sukunaâs information while leaving you and your boyfriend to exchange glances once more.
His expression softened. âSorry about this, babe. I didnât mean to get us in trouble.â Â
âItâs okay.â You reassured him with a squeeze around his waist. âI trust you.â
Interrupting the tender moment, the officer returned and handed back your boyfriendâs license. âDo you know why I pulled you over?â he asked, receiving a shrug in response. A lecture that Sukuna heavily hated soon followed. âYou were speeding back there. I clocked you going 20 miles over the limit. Itâs always you fellas with the 1000cc bikes who think theyâre invincible. Even 600cc guys are scared of the police. You need to slow down, especially with a passenger.â
With your insistent look, Sukuna nodded to the cop, apologetically. âUnderstood, sir.âÂ
The officer studied Sukuna for a moment before releasing a sigh. âLook, I get it. Itâs a nice night for a ride. Just remember, itâs not just your life on the line. Youâve got someone else to think about.â He pointed at you while handing your boyfriend a ticket. âYouâve gotta take good care of her.âÂ
Only then did Sukunaâs cold mien soften up with the cop. âIâll be careful next time, officer.â
âRight. Iâm letting you off with a warning this time, but Iâm writing you a ticket for speeding. Slow down, alright?â
âYes, sir. Thank you.â
The officer returned to his car, and Sukuna pocketed the ticket with a mixture of relief and frustration etched on his face. âWe didnât get to pass by your bookstore,â he lamented, giving you an affectionate caress on the back. âIâm sorry, princess.â
You touched your headgear to his, sharing a helmet kiss. âThereâs always next time,â you reassured him with a smile in your voice. âBesides, this is a real-life experience that no book can ever give me.â
~~
By the time you arrived at your apartment, darkness had already settled in, leaving a cozy glow from the distant cityscape as you switched on the lights and placed your helmet on the nearby console table. Immediately, your British shorthair cat dashed toward you with a loud meow, his pretty auburn eyes gleaming with excitement at seeing his mom.
âHi, Casper,â you cooed at the feline, but his attention swiftly turned when Sukuna entered your apartment a few minutes laterâsomeone he clearly wasnât fond of.
Upon spotting Sukuna, your cat hissed, expressing his displeasure toward your boyfriend, who playfully stuck his tongue out in response. âIâm back, asshole.â
âDonât call him that!â You chuckled, attending to Casper by mixing up his food in his bowl. âHeâs probably never going to warm up to you at this rate.â
Sukuna smoothly removed his jacket and flopped down on the couch. âBoo! Casper sucks,â he hooted, cupping his hands around his mouth, âHeâs just jealous because you love me more.â
It had been a while since Casper had seen Sukuna since you were the one coming over at his place more often. Still, the catâs disdain for your boyfriend persisted, and you suspected it was because Casper could detect the scent of Sukunaâs dog, a large Doberman, whenever he was near. You can only imagine how crazy your household would be should you and your boyfriend move in together in the near future.Â
For now, his occasional visits sufficed. Although, there were days when his presence in your apartment stirred more thoughts in your mind than just simple cuddles and movie nights. How could you help it? He was oblivious to the thoughts running in your head as he sat lazily on your couch, his legs spread wide, lifting his compression shirt just above his sweaty chest. His toned abs were impossible to ignore, especially as he ran his fingers through his hair, breathing heavily.
âBabe, itâs so hot,â he said, fanning his face, completely unaware of the chaos inside your head. âWanna shower before bed?â
His suggestion was innocent enough, but your immediate agreement was driven by a different kind of excitement. âOkay,â you replied with a sheepish grin, âIâll see if you have any clothes left in the closet.â
You see, you and Sukuna had just started dating a few months agoâprecisely 6 months and 3 weeks to be exact, so the relationship was definitely still fresh and vulnerable. But needless to say, while he was indeed a sweet and dreamy boyfriend that you could only ever read about in your stash of fictional books, there was also a side of him that awakened the more mature side of you.Â
If it wasnât obvious enough, Sukuna was more experienced in the intimacy department than you. And him being your first did bring in thoughts of inadequacy in terms of your performance in bed. You havenât done it enough to call yourself a pro, but you also did it enough to say that you already knew what, how, and where to please him the most. You owe that experience to the multitude of smut scenes you had read about on Tumblr and AO3, because those exact stories provided essential insights that guided your actions on your first time.
Now, whenever the sexy beast within you was unleashed, you didnât even hold back anymore.Â
The shower was already running when you stepped inside the small space, your boyfriend letting the cold water fall on his naked tattooed body in rivulets. Each drop of water sounded like rainfall, and with him pulling you closer by the arm, he began kissing you with a passion that made it feel like you were caught in a rainstorm.
âLovey!â You giggled, pushing your palms flat against his chest. âYou said weâll just shower.âÂ
âYou know what I meant by that, baby.âÂ
The water continued to cascade down your skin, your hair now damp and your body now wet. Sukunaâs eyes darkened in lust as eyed you up and down, his hands tracing the curves of your body, before crashing his lips back onto yours once more. This time, his kisses were more aggressive as he bit your lower lip, and took the opportunity of shoving his tongue inside your mouth. He was devouring you with rough and wide movements, allowing your tongue to roll around his in a playful tangle. And with his fingers now grabbing a fistful of your hair, and his other hand sliding down your chest to squeeze your breast, you felt a stretch on your scalp when he pulled you by the hair to look up at him. âYou think youâre so innocent, donât you?â he teased, kneading your right breast before his hand moved south to palm your dripping cunt, âDeep down, youâre just as naughty and wicked as me.âÂ
âN-No.â Your breath hitched when his lips traced light kisses around your neck. But it wasnât just his kisses and touch that made your knees weak, it was the feeling of his hardened member pressed against your stomach, fully erect and ready to be inside you. âMmh⌠Youâre the naughty one.âÂ
Sukuna went in for another open-mouthed kiss before he nibbled on your earlobe. âI donât deny that, princess,â he pivoted your body around, and made you lean against the glass wall so he could get a better view of your buttocks. While you, you could see your tits pressed against the glass from your reflection in the mirror, a sight that your boyfriend went absolutely crazy for when he looked up. âAh, fuck. Thatâs so hot.âÂ
You could feel his fingers playing with your entrance from behind, and you watched him bite his lip through the mirror, his eyes dancing in lust as he wantonly stared at your body. âNgh,â you bit back a moan, the feeling of his fingers teasing your entrance making you curl your toes, âI⌠I-I like that.âÂ
âI bet you do, baby.â Good lord. His voice was deep and raspy, and the sexiness of it was enough to make you wet. He even showed you evidence per se, when he pulled his digits out, spreading two fingers apart to show you the clear, slimy substance that coated it. You were already a blushing mess when he showed you your cum, and felt the heat in your cheeks worsening as you watched him, eye-to-eye, suck your juices from his fingers. âAww, my baby tastes sweet.âÂ
âItâs the pineapple juice,â you joked, allowing him to cup your jaw and place a sloppy kiss on your mouth. âMmmâI forgot to tell you.â You pulled away to look at your boyfriend. âIâm ovulating.âÂ
Sukuna tilted his head, squeezing your bum tenderly as he replied, âAre you suggesting I get you pregnant?â
âNo, silly!â You chuckled shyly while he positioned himself behind you. âI was trying to say that I get extra horny when Iâm ovulating.âÂ
He smiled, aroused more than ever as he heard you say those words out loud. âToo bad, I was thinking of creampie-ing you.âÂ
A gasp flew out of your lips when Sukunaâs long, slender fingers performed circular motions on your clitoris, stretching your labia apart so he could insert two fingers at your entrance. âB-Babe!â Your widened eyes were in great contrast to his lust-filled ones as he found entertainment at your submission to pleasure. You gripped his wrist and tiptoed when he started scissoring his fingers inside, forcing you to raise your leg so he could continue to move his hand in and out of your sopping cunt. âAhhâah! S-Sukuna!â
He hadnât heard his name from you in awhile and he found that amusing. âHm, baby? Saying something?âÂ
You squeezed your legs together to hide the clench that you were feeling inside, looking up at his crazed brown eyes and tracing his pectoral muscles with your fingers. You couldnât hold it anymore, you were a willing slut ready to be pounded on by this tattooed man. âPlease, f-fuck me.â
He reattached his lips back onto yours and pulled away just enough to keep your foreheads connected. âNot yet, baby girl.â A sly smirk spread off his lips. âThat book you were reading earlier at the cafe,â he began, pulling his fingers away to turn you around, âIt was smut, wasnât it?âÂ
Feeling a wave of embarrassment as he brought it up, you responded with a coquettish smile. âMaybe.âÂ
Sukuna then pushed you down on your knees, letting you kneel down in front of his hard, veiny cock. He had stroked himself a few timesâhis other hand lifting your chin upâbefore he slapped his length against your lips. âThink you can show me how they did it in that book?âÂ
âWhyâŚâ you trailed off, wrapping your hand around his cock, pumping the long, meaty shaft before placing your tongue on top of the swollen tip. He was all crazed and aroused when you kept eye-contact and started putting his member inside your mouth.
âDamn.â Your boyfriend threw his head back, caressing your cheek with his thumb. âLetâs make all your fantasies a reality, baby.âÂ
Well, he was sweet for that. But also mischievous, too. He knew you could be just as naughty as him because he had seen the books you were reading and most of them were definitely far from innocent. Could he blame you? Sometimes, reading about it was better than experiencing it. Yet with your boyfriendâs ego, he wasnât one to allow your fictional men to be better than him in all aspects. Physically. Emotionally. Sexually.
You let him guide your hand into stroking his shaft before you ejected spit on the pink head, using it to lubricate his aching member while you lowered yourself further to fit his firm balls inside your mouth. It gave you utmost pleasure to hear his guttural moans when you swirled your tongue around his bollocksâtasting the same flesh that carried all of his sperm, and releasing it from your mouth to give his cock the same attention. At first, you kissed his swollen tip and treated it like a lollipop, then you started sucking every inch of his length by bobbing your head at a stable rhythm. âMmm.â You could hear curses leaving his pretty lips as he held your head in place, snapping his hips forward until you were gagging from the intense penetration on your throat.
You learned all these after a single read at your favorite 18+ book. Â
âThatâs a good girl.â His praise rang in your ears like a sweet melody.
Even without a reflection to look at, this was the most erotogenic exchange you two had ever done as a couple. And along with that, his half lidded eyes were staring down at you, judging you and your every move.Â
You did your best to give him a stellar performance, did your most at pleasuring his member, and did everything that he liked whenever you were sucking his cock. And just like that, thick ropes of cum were sent straight down your throat. The musky, metallic taste didnât stop you from swallowing all of his seed and you had to show your tongue to make him know that you did a good job at taking all of his semen. Nothing was wasted.
Not even time, because as soon as you finished giving him a blowjob, he was already carrying you out of the bathroom without drying yourselves off. You were thrown into your double bed, manhandled into spreading your legs apart before your animalistic lover plunged his face onto your pussy.
âS-Sukunaâ! Mmmâfuck!â
He had your back arching because of how deep his tongue was going inside, tasting your walls and kissing your cunt like he would do with your mouth. He was smooching off your labia like a hungry beast, eating you out as if he wasnât satisfied by the juices that he was sucking from you. You were already in your seventh heaven, unable to think straight when he added his middle finger to the movements of his tongue. If fingering your pussy and lapping your clitoris werenât enough to drive you crazy, maybe grabbing a fistful of pinkish hair was a sign for him to stop before you could truly lose it. You could feel fire pooling on your lower abdomen and your legs were already shaking uncontrollably, your toes curling wantonlyâwith the suction he was doing on your cunt, you ended up screaming for his name and engulfing his mouth with your Earth-shattering release.
âHaah! âKuna, p-pleaseâŚâ
As he detached his mouth from your entrance, he started climbing up, visibly pleased with the way he ravaged your cunt. He was wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb, pressing his lips down on yours to make you taste your own fluid. A string of saliva connected your mouth to his before he grabbed ahold of his erect member once again. It hadnât even been more than two minutes and you were already being hauled into another position. âLet me fuck you from behind.â
âLovey, w-wait.â
âAss up, baby.â His patience was growing thin when he dragged your body by raising your hips close to his crotch and pressing your head down against the mattress. Your boyfriend cared none for the embarrassment that settled on your heated cheeks when he spread your buttocks apart so he could ogle at the exact hole that he was about to enter.Â
âNo, wait!â you begged, looking up at him with a plea, âCondom, please.âÂ
The realization hit his face. âI think Iâm all out, baby. Let me check,â he said, pulling away and stumbling towards his discarded pants on the floor, hoping desperately that he would find an unused packet of condom. Just to his luck, he had one more packet hidden between the folds of his leather wallet. âGot it!âÂ
He hastily ripped the packet with his teeth, taking the rubber out, and rolling it slowly to cover his entire length. You remained on all fours, watching him as he ejected spit on his fingers, which he soon used to lubricate your entrance.Â
Did he give you any time to adjust? That word didnât even exist in his vocabulary when he sunk all seven inches inside of your cunt, wrecking you open to the point where you could feel a stinging sensation on your entrance after being stretched by his fully erect cock. âBest pussy in the entire world.â
You were suppressing your moans from coming out too loud while you bit on a pillow, nails digging on the sheets as your lover penetrated your tight vaginal walls. âAhh! M-More⌠More.â He was treating you like a fleshlight as he continued to rut your sopping cunt with his fat cock, absolutely enjoying how your warm pussy was milking his full length.
âCan your fictional boys fuck you like this, baby?â he breathed, all deep and velvety as he gave you the most rhythmical skin-slapping thrusts. He was so deep in your cavern that you could feel the base of his cock slamming against your ass. You didnât even notice the hand that was snaking on your front to massage your bouncing tit because you were far too lost in the shockwaves of sexual gratification. âNo other man can fuck you this good.â
It was like he was riding his own bike. With how fast his pace was increasing, you were already too limp to feel his hard thrusts.
Your brain was short-circuiting from the amount of sensation that was entering your body, intoxicated by the waves of libido in your system that was heightening more and more as he continued to satisfy your insatiable heat. You could barely think straight. You lost your sanity. All the modest parts of you had completely dissolved into a bitch in heat. Like a needy little whore. You didnât even have any control of your own words when you started telling Sukuna, âI⌠want⌠you to keep⌠fucking me⌠like this.â Another forceful slam elicited a mewl out of you. âA-Aah! Haah!â
âShit, Iâm gonna cum.â Your boyfriend held a tighter grip on your hips, your moaning face leaving an imprint on his mind as he propelled your body forward and raced towards his ecstasy. After yet another thrust or two, or three, or four⌠Spurts of warm seed started exploding into the rubber. Sukunaâs thrust had become unsteady, his body falling down on the bed but his member still remaining inside of you. âI canât get enough of your pussy, baby.âÂ
You were catching your breath after he broke your mind into becoming this sex-obsessed freak. âLookie! My bedâs all wet now.âÂ
He smiled and finally pulled out, only to lean down again and plant a soft kiss on your forehead. âLet me carry you to the couch,â he offered, but first he had to pull the condom out of his cock to reveal a cum-filled rubber. âChrist. I came a lot.âÂ
In other words, his cum would have been dripping out of your pussy for days.
You extended your arms, awaiting to be lifted like a princess by your lover. âCarry me now, please!â
âI will, baby.â Without hesitation, he scooped you up in his tattooed arms. He, too, was heavy breathing, but he still effortlessly held you. âIâll take care of cleaning your sheets while you sleep.â
He was already walking towards the living room as you kicked your feet in the air, giving his cheek a gentle squeeze. âCan you clean out Casperâs litter box, too?â
Sukuna made a face of disgust, glancing at the cat before gently setting you down on the couch. âOnly if he stops being an asshole,â he joked, but your pleading expression melted his resolve. âAlright, fine. Iâll take care of your bed, your catâs litter... what else? Youâre lucky I love you, you know.â He moved to the window, drawing the curtains closed to shield you from prying eyes. âDo you think your neighbors saw us fuck earlier? I forgot to pull the curtains on your bedroom.â
You laughed, pulling the sheets up to cover yourself. âWell, thereâs this couple thatâs been giving me strange looks lately, so it definitely isnât the first time theyâve seen us do it.â
âItâs like that movie we watched,â Sukuna mused, trying to recall the title.
âThe Voyeurs!â you both exclaimed in unison, sharing a laugh before you gestured to him. âGet dressed, lovey!â
Sukuna returned to tuck you in under the thin sheets, leaning down to give you a peck on the lips. âAnd you get some rest now, baby.â
~~
The morning sun filtered through the curtains as you woke up, stretching lazily in bed to find Casper purring next to you. Thatâs strange, you thought. Your cat normally wouldnât go near you when your boyfriend was around, so you turned to your side, expecting to find Sukuna still sleeping beside you, but the spot was empty. Confused, you glanced around the room, noticing that his motorcycle gear was also missing from its usual place.Â
âLovey?â you called out through the empty apartment. âWhere are you?âÂ
With no response received, you walked towards your bedroom and found the sheets had been changed and everything was tidy. Searching the bathroom yielded no clues to Sukunaâs whereabouts either. And a quick trip downstairs to check his usual parking spot confirmed your suspicionâhe had left without a word.Â
You frowned, reaching for your phone to send him an annoyed text.
YOU: love, where are you?Â
YOU: iâm not some kind of booty call that you can just leave the next morning without a say
The minutes ticked by as you waited for a reply, feeling a mix of frustration and worry because of his absence. Were you overthinking this? Perhaps he was just out to get you lunch. Or maybe he had an emergency. You tried to calm yourself down by breathing deeply and thinking of any possible explanation other than the worst-case scenario. Maybe his phone died, or he got caught up in something urgent. But after an hour of no response, worry began to gnaw at you. Did he just ghost me?Â
âOh, God.â You paced back and forth in your apartment, checking your phone repeatedly for any sign of a message or call from Sukuna. âOh, God. Oh, God! Iâve read about this a lot. Why are guys such jerks?âÂ
You tried to rationalize his absence, hoping for a reasonable explanation, but your mind persisted racing through various scenarios, with each one more disheartening than the last. Maybe heâd gotten tired of you, or perhaps he was scared of commitment. The frustration and confusion were almost unbearable. Was the sex last night not good enough for him?Â
That situation lasted the entire afternoon. And you wanted to rip your hair out at the fact that your boyfriend had been gone for hours, his phone unreachable, and his friends having no idea where he was. Â
So as the evening approached and your anxiety grew, you decided to call Sukuna again. It was the 47th missed call. But just as you were about to dial his number once more, you heard the familiar roar of his R1.
âWhat the hell.â You rushed to the window and saw your boyfriend pulling into the parking area. Relief flooded your system as you watched him switch off the engine, dismount his bike, and walk leisurely towards your apartment buildingâs lobby like he didnât just leave an anxious girlfriend without a note the morning after he fucked her brains out.
You waited for him to arrive at your doorstep, your heart calmer but still ticking with anxiety as the clock rang in your ears. You were ready to give him a lashing for being unresponsive to your texts and calls. But as the door swung open, your boyfriend knowing your passcode by heart, you didnât expect that your anger at him would end up being for a totally different reason.Â
Because there he was, standing by your door looking slightly disheveled but with a sheepish smile on his face. He held a Barnes & Noble bag in one hand.
âHey, babyââ
âWhat the heck happened?â You rushed to him, noticing the scrapes and bruises on his face. âAre you okay? I was worried sick!âÂ
Sukuna removed his helmet and winced slightly, the corner of his lower lip was smeared with dried blood. âSorry, my love,â he spoke softly, going in for a comforting hug, âI wanted to surprise you, but things got a little complicated.âÂ
You pulled away to touch his bruised cheek. âYouâre hurt. Why arenât you answering my texts?âÂ
âPhoneâs dead,â he answered, showing you his lifeless phone before handing over the bag. âAnd this is for you, my beautiful princess.â
Taking the bag, you said, âYou didnât have to do this.â Then your eyes scanned his face for any sign of serious injury.
âI wanted to,â he insisted, his voice filled with affection despite his exhaustion. âIâm sorry for making you worry.â
You eyed the Barnes & Noble bag, realizing that the book inside was the exact one you had mentioned wanting yesterday. Your emotions swirled in a mix of frustration and tenderness. Should you lecture him for being so reckless, or cry because of how romantic it was that he went out of his way to get the book you had been searching for?
But first and foremost, how and where did he get all those bruises?
Before you could ask, he already had an answer prepared. âLong story, baby. Let's just say I had a little run-in with another biker who had the same idea as me.â
You grabbed his hand and guided him to sit on the couch while you hurriedly fetched your first aid kit. As you tended to the scrapes on Sukunaâs face, Casper the cat approached cautiously, sniffing his scent before surprising both of you by leaning against your boyfriendâs leg.
âMeow~â
âCasper!â Sukuna exclaimed joyfully, picking up the cat with a playful flourish like how Rafiki carried Simba in The Lion King âBabe, he finally likes me!â
You rolled your eyes affectionately and joined Sukuna on the couch, gently tilting his chin to examine his bruise. âTell me exactly what happened,â you asked with a hint of sternness, âYou went all over town just for this book?â
Your boyfriend carefully set Casper back down and nodded. âYeah, itâs the last one they had. Had to fight for it, though.â He then rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. âI donât even get a kiss or a thank you?â
At once, all your defenses crumbled. You let go of the gauze in your hand and pulled your boyfriend into a tender kiss, wrapping him in a warm hug afterward. âYouâre insane, you know that? I was so worried about you, and now I find out you spent the whole day looking for this book.â You sighed, overwhelmed by the rollercoaster of emotions the day had brought. Despite everything, you couldnât help but feel a rush of love for the man who had gone to such lengths to make you happy. âBut thank you, lovey. Thatâs really sweet of you.â
Sukuna, now grinning broadly, held you closer around the waist. âAlways welcome, my baby.â
âNow, tell me about that biker,â you began, taking a q-tip and some ointment, âHowâd you get into a fight?âÂ
âOh, you wouldnât believe it,â he recalled, amused at the thought, âHe was going to get the book for his girl, too. But I got there first, and he wouldnât let me have it.âÂ
Jesus. You couldnât decide whether to laugh or sigh at the absurdity of two bikers squabbling over a book in a bookstore. âYou shouldâve just let him have it.âÂ
âBut baby!â he protested like a child, âI couldnât come home empty-handed. I already feel bad we didnât get to pass by the bookstore yesterday.âÂ
What a stubborn boyfriend you have. âI already told you itâs okay, lovey. Youâre the best boyfriend already. I appreciate the effort and Iâm even more in love with you now than ever,â you reassured, placing a light kiss on the tip of his nose, âNow, is there anything I can give you in return? As a thank you?âÂ
Oh, boy. You already assumed he would request for something concerning activities in bed. But his face suddenly lit up as if a lightbulb just appeared above his head. His idea was surely not what you had in mind.Â
âHow about I teach you how to ride my bike?âÂ
~~
The sun hung low on the horizon as Sukuna stood beside his Yamaha R1, patiently explaining the basics of riding âFuryâ to you. He seemed to be heavily enjoying this whole thing. Meanwhile, you, donning a helmet and gloves, were fully geared up, nervousness evident as you cautiously swung your leg over the bike.
âAh, dammit.â Your boyfriend was grinning like an idiot as he saw you sitting on his bike. âYouâre gonna be one hot biker girl. I canât! Youâre mine. Donât let them see you like this, babe!âÂ
âStop exaggerating!â you retorted, your voice tense with nerves as you gripped the handlebars tightly. âThis bike feels⌠big.âÂ
âLike my cock?â
âStop it.â
Sukuna erupted into a chuckle before proceeding to move closer to you. âAlright, babe. Remember what I showed you about the clutch and throttle control,â he encouraged, âTake it slow.â
Nodding, you started the bike and felt the powerful engine rumble beneath you. With your boyfriendâs guidance, you eased out the clutch and gave a tentative twist of the throttle. The bike lurched forward, causing you to panic and squeeze the brakes hard.Â
âOh, my God!â You let out a squeak of surprise. âOh, my God! Iâm gonna die.âÂ
âEasy there.â He held your waist protectively. âLetâs try one more time?âÂ
You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the intimidating power of the machine beneath you and instead focus on Sukunaâs instructions. Even with his guidance, you found yourself repeating the same mistake where this time, you braked too hard again, causing your body to jolt forward dangerously. You would have fallen from the bike if not for your boyfriend catching you right on time.
âI canât do thisâŚâ You shook your head, frantically. âIâm not cut out for this.â
Sukuna held you steady, his hands firm yet reassuring. âHey, itâs okay,â he said softly, looking into your eyes. âIt takes time, alright? Youâre doing fine. Maybe we should start with something smaller.â
You let out a heavy exhale as Sukuna carried you off his bike. âYeah, maybe.â
âLike a lower cc bike?â he suggested, giving your helmet a playful tap. âLetâs start you off on a 150cc bike. Yuuji has a CBR150R we can borrow.â
âI wouldnât want to wreck your nephewâs bike,â you teased, watching from the side as Sukuna effortlessly mounted his own bike.
He revved the engine and reached out for your hand, helping you settle in behind him. âThen, you can just stay being my backpack princess for nowâ
With your arms securely around his waist, the bike accelerated, the wind whipping against your helmet visor. The view of the sunset was perfect for this ride. âSo, does that mean Iâm not your ride or die anymore?â
Sukuna took your hand from behind, lifting it to his lips for a kiss. âNah. Youâll always be my ride or die, baby.â
#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna x you#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna smut#sukuna fluff#biker sukuna#biker au#biker bf sukuna#jjk x reader#jjk x you#biker boy x book girl#jjk smut#jjk fluff
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FOR THE FIRST TIME theodore nott
PAIRINGS: theodore nott x hufflepuff!reader
WARNINGS: fluff fluff fluff, use of she/her pronouns!, i used all lower caps.
SUMMARY: in which, the usual womaniser finds himself in love with a girl who doesnât even know his nameâŚ
âITS JUST LIKE SEEING HER,
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
AGAINâŚâ
âThe first time you caught my eye
it was not love at first sight.
Instead a quiet curiosity was
planted in my chest and i knew
it was only a matter of time before
you sunk beneath my bones and
nurtured this deep seated familiarity
into a love so fierce that
i would question if i had
ever been in love beforeâ.
THOSE WERE THE words that theo scribbled down in his journal as he sat in the middle of the courtyard amongst other students on the hot and surprisingly toasty day in Hogwarts. he finally dropped the pencil in his hand as his eyes averted back over to the sight before him, y/n.
theo wasnât normally one for poetry but ever since the first time he had ever saw her, it was all he could think about.
he found himself in a never ending cycle of writing, constantly writing his feelings and thought down whenever she crossed his mind which was all the time.
it was like she had unknowingly helped him discover a part of himself that he was unaware of.
his gaze stuck to her face that was glowing due to the sun hitting her perfect caramel skin. she sat peaceful on the green grass with a big book opened in her hands, one that seemed to capture all of her attention.
his eyes then traveled down to her hands, her hands that were decorated with multiple rings and her wrists that wore a few bracelets.
she wore a sleeveless v-neck jumper on top of a long sleeved shirt as her yellow tie was tied perfectly. she wore two necklaces which hung and rested against his the tie.
he watched as the slight breeze in the air blew into her brown, perfectly curly, and volumed hair which also had a sunflower tucked into the side of her hair slightly matching her yellow, Hufflepuff tie. he wanted so badly to talk to her, to get to know her, to be near her, but he instead found himself gawking from afar and silently hoping that she would at least turn and look his way.
but wether he talked to her or not, even him just being able to look at her was enough to fuel his slight obsession with the girl.
she was special.
she was like the coffee he needed to energise him in the morning, or even the warmth he needed on a cold and gloomy day.
she was the sunshine that could light up any dark room.
with every minute he spent staring at her, he grew even more curious by the second. he wanted to know everything about her.
he wanted to know why she always wore that one bracelet, why she always seemed to read books published by the same author, why she always played with her hair while reading or even why she always came to the courtyard alone at the same time everyday and sat at the same spot too.
he was intrigued by her, she was different.
he didnât want to say it in a corny way, but she wasnât like all the other girls in Hogwarts. she kept to herself, had friends but never minded being alone, was always sweet to everyone, and didnât care how others viewed her.
classic Hufflepuff.
if you had asked him a year ago today if he thought a hufflepuff would ever had him feeling this way, he probably wouldâve laughed in your face. what made it worse was that he was presented with so many chances to go and talk to the girl but instead, he froze up and got lost in all of the words that he wanted to say which was nothing like him.
it was like she had casted an irreversible spell that only pulled him closer and closer to her.
âare you okay?â a voice suddenly spoke, causing him to break from his deep gaze.
he looked away from the girl and looked up which finally revealed mattheo, âoh- yeah, yeah!â he spoke as he cleared his throat and silently hoped that his slight infatuation with the girl wasnât too obvious to his best friend.
mattheo furrowed his eyebrows as he looked down at his friend who was sat alone, âreally? cause if you ask me, it looks like little miss Hufflepuff has you distractedâŚâ he spoke with a small smirk.
âwhat? no!â theo quickly denied as he jerked his head back at his friendsâ words.
matteheo took a moment to look down at the notebook that was sat on theoâs lap as he took notice to all the words written down that he struggled to read due to how far it was, âand what is this?â he asked as he suddenly knelt down to pick up the notebook, and got back up on his feet.
a sudden feeling of panic took over theoâs body as he hadnât told anybody about his recent passion for poetry that was fuelled due to y/n.
âthe first time you caught my eye it was love at first sight,â mattheo began as he read out of theoâs notebook. theodore was quick to stand up in attempts to grab the notebook from his friendsâ hand but failed as mattheo continuously swerved his attempts.
âi knew it was only a matter of time before you sunk beneath my bones?â mattheo continued with a surprised tone at what he was hearing.
he had never heard theodore speak ever so passionately before.
âinto a love so fierce-â âgive me that!â theo interrupted his words as he finally grabbed the notebook from him.
his cheeks were tinted with a light red pigment as a small feeling of embarrassment grew inside of his system.
âyour in love?â mattheo spoke with a laugh, âyour in love with a hufflepuff?â he continued.
theo rolled his eyes at his words, âcan you stop?â he spoke with an irritated tone.
âsheâs more than thatâŚâ he began, âsheâs special, s-sheâs like a breath of fresh air in a world filled with copies of each other.â he spoke, his words filled with love as he brought his gaze back to y/n.
her peaceful presence finally bringing back that safe feeling in the pit of his stomach.
mattheo just stood there with his mouth slightly agape, realisation finally taking over him. his friend wasnât just in love, he was deeply in love.
âwow⌠itâs worse than i thought, your infatuated nott.â mattheo said in a shocked tone.
he took a moment to look at theo, who put his head down in defeat as his friend uncovered his hidden feelings.
there was a reason as to why he had never told his friend about his liking towards the girl and it was simply because, he wasnât used to it.
he wasnât used to liking somebody, at all.
he wasnât used to constantly thinking about somebody every single moment of the day, or having your heart beat faster at not only the sight of them, but the sound of their name. he wasnât used to only being happy if he saw a certain someone, or not being able to sleep because of somebody disrupting his thoughts. he just wasnât used to any of it.
he thought that y/n was just another girl that he wouldâve liked for at least two days then gotten over her but no, the past three weeks of non-stop thoughts about her made it clear that it was more than just a crush and that he had to talk to her.
at first he was a little mad at the innocent girl as he wanted to know if she had put a spell over him, but he realised it was all him.
he craved her.
âwhy donât you go talk to her, i mean you are theodore n-â âno!â theodore quickly interrupted his friend.
just the thought of her even looking at him made his nerves come to play.
mattheo took a moment to analyse his friendsâ body language before letting out a loud laugh, âthereâs no way,â he began, âare you⌠nervous?â he laughed out.
theo rolled his eyes due to it probably being mattheoâs tenth time laughing at him.
âi-iâm not, i just donât know what iâd say to her.â he explained himself, âsince when have you had trouble talking to girls nott? your clearly nervous.â mattheo laughed a little more before stopping.
âyou know what?â mattheo spoke which caused theo to listen, âyour gonna go over there and just speak whatever comes to mind.â he said.
theodoreâs eyes widened at his words, he wasnât prepared to even be near the girl let alone talk to her.
âwhat? no iâm not-â his words were interrupted by mattheo who grabbed the boysâ arm and began pulling him towards where the girl was peacefully sat, âyes you are!â mattheo spoke, simply ignoring the boy who was trying to rebel and pull away from his strong hold.
âno iâm not, now fuck off!â theo spoke harshly as he began using his strength to try and pull away but mattheo wasnât having it.
âyes you are!â mattheo protested as he let go of theo before giving him one final strong push, pushing him right in front of the girl and causing him to drop his notebook onto the floor.
the commotion and sudden figure blocking her from the sun was enough to make y/n finally bring her head up from her book, she looked up to find the brunette boy staring right at her which slightly had her confused.
he looked a little anxious, as if he had been scared.
an awkward smile took over the girlsâ face, âum, helloâŚâ she said hesitantly as he did come from nowhere, âcan i help you or?âŚâ she continued.
but theo just stood there, like an idiot.
what am i doing, say something. he told himself mentally as he knew how stupid he looked, this was seriously unlike him.
âuhh, i-um,â he muttered out, âno!â he finally spat out as he finally moved out of his frozen state that he was once in before.
and there it was. the usually cool, and laid-back theodore nott was not tripping over his words and struggling on how to even form a sentence.
âohâŚâ y/n spoke, not really knowing what to tell him as she just continued to look up at him.
her eyes left his as she began to look at the grass, noticing a random, and unfamiliar notebook beside her.
âis this yours?â she asked him before she picking it up, âum yeah.â theo nervously spoke.
just then, y/nâs eyes scanned the page that was open. she quickly realising that it was a poem, her eyes lit up as she looked back at him.
âwait, did you write this?â she asked him as she stared right at him, waiting for a response.
theoâs eyes grew wide at the fact that she looked at the poem that he had made about her, his heart beats sped up due to a little embarrassment.
ây-yeah, but iâm not really a writer so-â âare you kidding me? i love poems!â she exclaimed, interrupted his words.
she took a moment to look a with a wide smile, the smile that made him want to melt.
âwhy donât you sit down?â she offered which made him become shocked, âi mean unless you donât want to then-â âno of course i do!â he suddenly spoke before walking a little closer to her, kneeling down, and sitting right next to her on the grass.
theo turned around and took a moment to look at the girl, this was the closest he had ever been to her and definitely the longest, and the first time, he had ever talked to her.
he took a good and long look at the girl, she was even prettier when closer.
her shoulder lengthened curls captured her face perfectly as they were as healthy as ever, she had a few small brown freckles on her face which is something he had never gotten to notice until now, he also didnât notice how high her cheekbones were either. her full straight eyebrows were what made her face even more perfect as her almond shaped eyes topped her look off. his eyes then flickered to her her full, succulent lips which were as soft as ever. to top things off, her beautiful skin glowed ever so gently as the sun bounced off her face.
she was perfect⌠no, ethereal.
her smell too, she smelled addictive.
her sweet vanilla, tonka bean, red berries and mandarin scent was what drew the boy crazy. it made him want to be near her forever and ever.
âdo you mind if i read this?â she asked him nicely before turning around and looking him looking him right into his eyes, âuh, sure.â he spoke as he quickly got out of whatever trance he was in.
it wasnât like she would know it was about her anyways, he thought to himself.
y/nâs eyes went down the page as she read the poem, his writing style completely had her drawn as if it were written about her.
âoh my gosh, this is so beautifully written.â she complimented as she still looked at the notebook, she couldnât believe how well he had managed to portray his feelings onto the paper.
she turned to look at him, âi-i mean, you sunk beneath my bones and nurtured this deep seated familiarity into a love so fierce? beautiful.â she recited his words as she continued to stare at him, impressed by how poetic he was.
theoâs eyes widened at her sudden compliments, he felt his cheeks heat up.
âthank youâŚâ he muttered as a small smile came across his face, âwho is this about?â she suddenly asked him.
theodore cleared his throat, âum, p-pardon?â he nervously asked even though he had heard her perfectly, he was just caught up by her question and did not know what to say.
a smile took over the girlsâ face as she let out a breathy laugh, God that smileâŚ
âi said, who is this about? i mean itâs so deep, there has to be someone because this isnât something you can just make upâŚâ she explained to him, and she was right. there was somebody who had inspired him to make the poem and it was her.
but he couldnât tell her that.
how was he meant to explain to her that he wrote her a whole love poem, and many more, that a wifeâs own husband could probably never make up if he tried.
how could he explain that for the past three weeks, she had been running endlessly through his mind?
how could he explain that every time he saw her, it felt like seeing her for the first time again?
how could he explain that in a world full of chaos, she was the peace in his presence?
he felt himself choke up due to nerves, he really did not know what to say to her. he was confused. he was confused on how this girl had so much power over him without even realising.
âa girl.â he managed to finally spit out, âitâs um, itâs about this girl.â he continued.
his eyes wandered her perfectly crafted face before opening his mouth to speak some more, âthereâs this one girl who is beautiful. s-sheâs sweet, kind and has been stuck in my mind almost everyday.â he spoke, âbut the thing is⌠i havenât talked to her yetâ.
y/n furrowed her eyebrows, âwell if you havenât spoken to her before, then how do you know sheâs all of those things?â she questioned curiously.
âbecause for three weeks iâve been sat there like an idiot gawking at her, watching her interact with others instead of being a man and attempting to talk to her.â he explained, âthereâs just something about her, sheâs absolutely perfect.â he rambled on.
a smile that spread on her face exposed her pearly whites to him, âsounds like your in love!â she said excitedly.
âwhy canât you just try and speak to her?â she asked curiously.
theo chucked as he brought his head down before bringing back up and look at her again, âbecause she makes me nervous, and i never get nervous around girls.â he said.
âbut sheâs different⌠sheâs not like the rest of them, sheâs even better.â he said as he was now getting lost in her beautiful brown eyes that seemed to have more colour due to the sun, âs-sheâs special.â he muttered as he dropped his eyes to her lips.
it took everything in him to not just take her in his arms and give her the biggest hug ever, but he stopped himself.
y/n examined the boy and his body language, it was really no secret that he was in love. she had seen many of her friends fall in love so she was pretty good at detecting when somebody was undergoing symptoms of the contagious disease of love.
just as she was about to respond to his words, a voice interrupted her words.
ây/n? y/n!â a voice spoke causing them both to turn their heads, revealing a blonde girl in hufflepuff uniform that theo had recognised from one of his classes, her name was scarlett.
âoh hi scar!â y/n exclaimed happily, her eyes lighting up as she saw her dearest friend.
âiâve been looking for you everywhere, everyone has!â she said excitedly as she got closer to the duo sitting down on the grass.
âwe need to go, itâs girls night tonight and we need to start getting ready remember?â scarlett reminded her friend which caused y/n to gasp, âoh my goodness, how could i forget?â y/n questioned herself.
she grabbed her tote bag and shoved her book in there before standing up. scarlett held her hand out, which y/n took happily and began to walk with her.
however, y/nâs movements came to a halt.
theo watched as y/n mumbled a few words to her friend before turning back around and making her way back over to him, causing him to smile a little.
âiâm so sorry, i never got your name.â she spoke, âso incredibly rude of me.â she rambled on which only caused theo to look up at her and smile due to how cute she was.
his was also slightly shaken at the fact that she really didnât know who he was, he believed that he had made quite the reputation for himself so it shocked him.
he stood up from the ground, his tall frame now meaning that she was the one looking up at him.
âtheodore, theodore nott.â he informed her, holding his hand out in hopes that she didnât deny his request.
his nerves died down as she accepted his request and shook his hand, âiâm happy i met you theo.â she smiled. her smooth hands felt like something he had been missing his whole life.
âwait can i call you that?â she asked frantically, she didnât want to offend somebody she had just met.
theodore smiled at how cute she was being in that moment, âof course you can⌠you can call me whatever you want.â he said, slightly regretting what he last said as he didnât want to embarrass himself even though it was probably too late.
but y/n just let out a laugh. not one that was degrading, but one that made him realise that she found what he said funny which honestly calmed him down.
y/n finally let his hand go before giving him a heart warming smile and walking off as he just stood their and watch her skip over to her friend with a smile planted on his face.
âyou see, now that wasnât hard was it?â mattheo asked his friend cockily as he came out from his hiding spot behind the tree.
but theo didnât hear him.
instead, he continued to watch the girl walk further, and further away as his stomach did somersaults.
poem made by: Lyra Wren
border creds: @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
AUTHOR SPEAKS! i kind of based this off of an unpublished draft so if i post something familiar to this, itâs cause i described the character in the same way as the draft
i hope you guys enjoyed this though!!
#theodore nott#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott masterlist#theodore nott smut#theodore nott fluff#theodore nott x you#theodore nott x y/n#slytherin boys#slytherin#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle smut#lorenzo zurzolo#lorenzo zurzolo imagine#theodore nott imagine#theo nott x reader#theo nott#theo nott x you
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you plus me | heeseung
SUMMARY: it's been six years since heeseung stopped being your friend and the thought of him tagging along an annual camping tradition makes you feel like the world is crashing around you. one misunderstanding and one trip later makes heeseung re-evaluate all he knows, and it makes you believe there might be life after love.
NOTES: first full length fic!!!!!!! enjoy :) x
PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader (featuring enhypen)
WORD COUNT: 34.1K
WARNINGS: fluff, angst, mentions of poor relationships with parental figures, mentions of infidelity, bad friendships, smut in the form of: fingering, oral (f. receiving), creampie.
***
âPlease donât make me go.â
âY/N, you already said yes. Weâre only gonna be gone for a week.â
âI donât think this is a good idea, Jungwon. You just said that Heeseung is gonna be there.âÂ
Your best friend sighs and sits down on your bed, inspecting the duffle bag you have thatâs half-packed. Your clothes are haphazardly strewn all over your bedding while you plead with him to no avail. Youâre so desperate that you consider getting on your knees to beg.
âIâm sorry for telling you now, but he was able to get people to cover his shift last minute and paid for a spot on the kayaking rental.âÂ
âIf heâs going, Iâd rather save us all the trouble and stay at home.â Jungwon watches you cross your arms over your chest. âEvery time weâre in the same room, itâs just a matter of time before things become awkward.âÂ
âWeâll be outside in the suuuun,â Jungwon says, tilting his head to the side and giving you those amused eyes that he always gives you when heâs trying to convince you to do something with him. You scoff and look away. It almost works.Â
âI bet that itâll be worse since we have a few things planned with the guys already.â
âSo what? You two donât get along. Big deal. Weâve already made reservations to secure a spot on the campsite and set a deposit for kayak rentals.â
âWon, I think you and I view Heeseung very differently. He doesnât just not like me. He hates me.âÂ
âHate is a wrong word.âÂ
You huff. âI donât think you grasp just how weird it is every time weâre together. You could cut the tension with a knife.â
âSeriously, Y/N. Itâs one week. Iâm sure you can survive that. Youâve never missed a camping trip and itâs the first time all of our friends are coming.â Jungwon deadpans and throws a shirt towards your chest, which you hastily grab after being startled by his sudden movement. You know better than to argue with him when he gets like this. âJust help me pack your clothes, dude. Jayâs gonna be here to pick us up tomorrow morning, and you donât want to be under-packed.âÂ
You relent and grumble. âAre you still staying over?â
He nods. âMy apartmentâs in the opposite of where weâre going, and I didnât want to make him drive an extra twenty minutes since he needs to pick Riki up. Just need to drop Maeumi off at my momâs before coming back here. â Your eyes fall for a flat second before you squash that feeling down.
âI didnât invite you over, you know.âÂ
âNo, but donât pretend like youâre not excited,â Jungwon says with a laugh as he pulls your clothes out of the bag and starts to readjust the clothing youâve folded poorly. Seeing your best friend smile tugs a bit at your heartstrings and you canât say that you arenât happy to have him with you. âWe should get you packed now so you donât stress out later.âÂ
Begrudgingly, you allow Jungwon to sort out your clothes for you and pull last minute items youâve yet to pack. It annoys you watching him be so calm when youâre simmering with worry. But you know heâs rightâyouâve invested some money into this getaway, and itâll be the last big outing before you move away from Korea for a year-long job opportunity in Okayama before pursuing your Masterâs degree. Jungwon knows you a little too well, and sometimes it irks you.Â
The end-of-summer camping trip is always one for the books. For as long as you can remember, the two of you have been going camping just before everyone goes back to school to celebrate the beginning of a new academic year with your families. But this time, the trip wasnât just about continuing an annual tradition. It was also to commemorate a new chapter in your life.Â
Youâre a year older than Jungwon. Heâs known you since you were obsessed with learning how to double dutch, and youâve known him since he first learnt how to ride a bike. The two of you started out as neighbors when you moved into the house next to his, and his family had adopted your own like old friends, eventually inviting you and your parents into their annual camping tradition. Even when dynamics changed and people left, the tradition was the only thing that remained a constant for you.
This is the first summer that your loved ones announced they wouldnât be coming along. They all thought it was time for you to embark on new traditions with new people, and nobody seemed to mind the change that much except for you. Jungwon had been ecstatic about it since he invited his friend, Jake, to the camping trip last year. Youâd been wary at first since Jake is friends with Heeseung, but he never brought up your confusing arch-nemesis and chose to have a great trip before you all started university again. Â
Sure, you had a lot of fun. You might even consider last yearâs trip as one for the books. But your mom pulling out of the camping trip and everyone around you agreeing that it was for the best made you feel like your world was crumbling around you.
When you graduated university three months ago (Jungwon swears he didnât cry, but you know better than to believe him), the weight of leaving your home started to sink in. In the blink of an eye, Jungwon wouldnât be a twenty minute drive, and hanging out with all of your friends wouldnât be as easy as it once was. Youâd be in Japan all alone.
This past summer has been a whirlwind as you tried to do everything under the sun, savoring each moment until you wouldnât be able to anymore. Jungwonâs been a good sport about it, never once complaining when you drag him to your latest adventure. He deals with your sudden shift in mood from happy to sad, letting you cry on his shoulder and braving the cliche words you say when telling him youâll miss him a lot.Â
Unlike past seasons, this is the first summer you havenât seen Heeseung very often. Lee Heeseung, who usually keeps his head down and minds his business, always seems to have a bone to pick whenever his eyes settle on you. It confuses you to no end, and he keeps his quips to a minimum when your mutual friends are around, but it doesnât stop you from wondering what you mustâve done to make him act like that towards you. Itâs a shame because that small childhood crush you always had on him was squashed the first time he ignored your presence.Â
None of your friends comment on it much. Theyâre used to the dynamic between the both of you because it's been years of this. Elementary school saw the two of you become friends for the first time and middle school brought more friends into the group. It was in high school that things changed and Heeseung started ignoring you out of nowhere until one Thursday afternoon when heâd told you to leave him alone after pestering him about his change in behavior.Â
The odd tension followed you into university and continued to seep into your life. You donât think youâve ever been in a room with Heeseung where heâs been anything but nonchalant towards you, often acting like you arenât there to begin with. You do your best to put up with it and plaster a smile on your face, but six years have gone by, and you donât think you can handle a seventh. All of your friends seemed to have moved past it. You donât know why you canât.
âDonât think about Heeseung,â Jungwon says with a sigh. âIn fact, donât think at all. Let me handle everything and enjoy this trip before you move to Okayama, okay?â
âOkay, fine. But I want to see Maeumi.â
Jungwon snorts. âSheâs gonna be real pissed when she doesnât see you for a year, you know.â
âDonât remind me.â
Jungwon knows you like the back of your hand and has seen what you bring on these trips enough to know what you like to have in your duffle. He packs things you neglected to pull out because your mind has been elsewhere. As much as he wants to flick your head and tell you to quit overthinking so you can help him, he did tell you to let him handle everything.Â
Your best friend makes you triple check that the two of you didnât miss anything before heading back to his apartment to fetch Maeumi. She jumps into your arms when you squat to pick her up and wonât allow Jungwon to pet her white fur body while sheâs nestled against you. This fondness and the familiar jab of Jungwonâs elbow to your ribcage make your heart ache despite the sweet moment. Youâre really going to miss home.Â
Ever the concerned mothers your mom and Jungwonâs are, they send you with a tray full of sweets for the road. They make you tell them exactly when youâll be picked up and by who (âJongseong, Eomma,â Jungwon says for the umpteenth time) and when you plan to come back. His dad gives you a spare bucket hat for when youâre on the water and an old sweater from his college days when Jungwon complains about how you never pack enough layers. The gesture feels warm since you consider his father to be somewhat of your own.
Leaving them to go back to your house feels a bit bittersweet. A lot of your belongings sit in storage boxes in the garage from when you moved out of your campus apartment upon graduating. Jungwon decided to get an apartment for himself with the money he saved from his part-time job as a busboy at a local chain restaurant. Staying over with you makes it seem silly when you remember he used to live next door.Â
Itâs nine in the evening when the two of you get ready for bed. Jungwon puts your bags by the front door so neither of you would forget while you finish brushing your teeth. He grabs extra blankets from the linen closet and settles onto your L-shaped couch, pulling the fabric just underneath his chin. Your heart feels like itâs sinking in on itself when you think about how this might be the last time youâre able to be so casual around him.Â
âStop overthinking,â he says in the quiet of the night, as if he can hear the thoughts in your head. The living room lights are off and the moonlight is whatâs responsible for illuminating the space.Â
You refrain from throwing your pillow at him. âIâm not overthinking. Youâre overthinking.âÂ
Jungwon snorts. âWe both know thatâs not true. I know youâre scared about Okayama and I know thatâs why youâve been on edge about Heeseung. Youâre usually never this loud about it.â Like always, your best friend is right.Â
âItâs hard not to.â Your meek voice makes Jungwonâs heart lurch. âEverythingâs changed so fast. I feel like I didnât get enough time to properly say goodbye to everyone.â
âYouâll be in Japan, not America. Itâs not like weâll never see you.âÂ
âYeah, but I wonât be able to annoy you for boba and you wonât be coming over to have dinner with my mom and me." Jungwon frowns. Too caught up in making sure you were happy this summer, he hadnât given it that much thought. âI know I wonât be far, but Iâm scared that things will change too much.âÂ
For the first time today, Jungwon doesnât know what to say to make you feel better. âIâll miss you a lot.âÂ
âI know that, dummy. I guessâŚI feel like Iâve been dealing with a lifetime of shittiness and the universe wanted to throw another curveball at me.â Jungwonâs heart softens at your confession. Heâs used to your quick jabs and sarcastic humor. Knowing youâve more afraid than excited makes him upset.Â
âThe universe sucks,â he says, happy that it pulled a laugh out of you. âIâll always be a phone call away and youâll never have to worry about me ignoring you because we both know Iâm gonna blow up your texts anyway.âÂ
âI can always count on you to annoy the hell out of me.â You canât see his face, but no you already assume Jungwonâs sporting a shit-eating grin. Even if you both know the main reason why youâre afraid of living in Okayama, neither of you say it. Youâre grateful that Jungwon doesnât bring it up. âStill, though. You know how I am with change. Iâm really scared that Iâm going to hate it there and not have you to keep me company.â
âLife is crazy and unpredictable but that doesnât mean youâre going to be miserable. I mean, you did a pretty good job of making sure both of us had happy childhoods even though I know you were hurting when we were younger.âÂ
âItâs really hard not to have expectations or think badly about the future when I feel like I took everything for granted.âÂ
âI know, Bug,â Jungwon says, using a nickname from your childhood he reserves for when he thinks you need an extra bit of comfort. âBut youâre the best person I know. You didnât do anything wrong. Life justâŚgets in the way.âÂ
âYeah, I know.â
Jungwon is quiet for a moment. âJust please promise me youâll try to have fun, okay?â
âI know Iâll have fun, Wonnie. Iâm scared that Iâll have too much fun and be a sobbing wreck when we get back.âÂ
The two of you share a laugh. âAlright, fair. Promise me you wonât let Heeseung get under your skin.â
You groan. âIf he doesnât like me, thatâs fine. I donât need everyone to like me. But why go out of his way to act like Iâm scum of the Earth?â
âJust ignore him, okay?â Jungwon pleads. âI know itâs uncomfortable but he paid for a last minute spot. Iâll tell him to be mature about it too.âÂ
And, well, part of you believes Heeseung will listen to Jungwon. Despite being on the younger side in your shared friend group, everyone seemed to listen to your best friend most of the time. Jungwon has an authoritative aspect to himself when heâs refrained from being the silly, happy-go-lucky guy you all know him to be.Â
Itâs quiet for a brief moment with the wind gently tapping on the windows behind you. âI donât know why he doesnât like me.âÂ
Truthfully, neither does Jungwon. âIâm sorry heâs putting you in a tough spot.âÂ
âWon, sometimes I really wonder if he hates my guts. He doesnât talk to me and he never replies to my messages in the group chat. Itâs like I donât exist to him.â
âI think that might be a little extreme.âÂ
âItâs not and you know it.âÂ
Jungwon hums. âWell, at least youâll get away from him when you move to Okayama.â Just like that, all of your worries come flooding right back.
âYeah,â you say meekly. âIâll have Okayama.â
You donât see him, but you know Jungwonâs smiling since you agreed with him for the first time tonight. âThatâs more like it. You have your whole future ahead of yourself, dude. Heeseung is just a blimp. In three weeks, he wonât matter because youâll be having fun in Japan. Just think about that.âÂ
You try not to think about the fears and hesitations you have about starting anew. This time, you wouldnât be going back to university after the camping trip. Youâll have a week and a half back home before youâre boarding your flight and saying goodbye to the place youâve called home for the past two decades. Thinking about the future keeps you up until you hear Jungwonâs snores from the other side of the couch.Â
Unsure of when your mom will be coming home, you snuggle further into the cushions and curl yourself into a ball before falling asleep.Â
***
The next morning, Jungwon wakes up just before you do and you see him and your mom talking before they see you sit up. Barely noticing their hushed tones, you find yourself yawning more than normal and force the blankets off of your body. Your mom fixes you a cup of tea while Jungwon finishes packing, leaving you to freshen up and do the same.Â
âYou know, this trip will be good for you. I can feel it,â your mom says when you sip on your tea. Itâs hot and nearly burns your tongue, but you donât mind. Somehow, that sharp pain makes you feel even more alert than the strong brew.Â
âYou say that every year.âÂ
âYeah, but this time I wonât be with you.âÂ
She laughs when she hears you huff. âBaby, I know you love it when I come on these trips but weâll always have other ones. Weâll have next year too.âÂ
âI just donât get why you and Jungwonâs parents donât want to come on this one.âÂ
âLike we said all those months agoâitâs time for you guys to break tradition and spend some time with your friends before you move to Okayama. Next year, we can rent out the whole campsite if it means we can accommodate us, the Yangs, and your friends.âÂ
Frustration bubbles within you but youâre quick to shut that feeling. âI guess. It wonât be the same.â
âJakeâs going this year, right? You guys had a lot of fun last summer.âÂ
Well, she isnât wrong. âSure, yeah. I had fun with him.â Motherly instincts kick in and she bumps your hip with hers.Â
âI know youâre scared about moving and seeing Heeseung. But youâre much braver than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes people are meant to be lessons and maybe Heeseung is the biggest one of all.â
You throw a fake-disgusted look at her. âDid Jungwon put you up to this?â She laughs and shakes her head, bringing you into her arms. Her lips on the crown of your head feel warm and you donât shy away from her embrace.Â
âNo, but I carried you in my stomach and brought you to term. I like to think I know you pretty well.âÂ
You chuckle. âYeah, I guess you do. Iâll try not to let Heeseung bother me too much.âÂ
âJungwonâs pretty worried, even if he wonât say it. I told him to relax a little. This trip isnât supposed to stress anyone out. Itâs supposed to be a nice getaway before you go back to your normal life.âÂ
âI feel guilty for making Jungwon worry about me. I know heâs still friends with Heeseung, somewhat, even though nobody can figure out why he doesnât like me so much.âÂ
âThat old saying about boys being mean to their crushes is bullshit.âÂ
You pull away and gasp when you hear her swear. âEomma!â Â
âI used to swear like a sailor before I became a mom, you know.â Her eyes light up when she watches you giggle and from the corner of her eye, she can see Jungwon walking back into the living room.Â
âJayâs almost here,â he says, shoving his phone into his back pocket.Â
âDoes he want a cup of tea?âÂ
Jungwon shakes his head. âI think itâs better if we head out as soon as possible. We still have to pick up Riki and then we have a four hour drive to the campsite.âÂ
She looks at the two of you like she has stars in her eyes. Wordlessly, your mom pulls Jungwon underneath her other arm and kisses his forehead before kissing yours. âWhen did you two become so grown up, huh? It feels like just yesterday that Y/N stopped crying whenever she got papercuts.âÂ
Jungwon snickers. âShe still does.â
âHey!â
âAnd it feels like just yesterday that Jungwon stopped needing to sleep with a nightlight.â Jungwonâs cheeks turn pink and you snicker at him.Â
âTime flew by fast,â says Jungwon. She lets the two of you go and the doorbell rings. âThat must be Jay.âÂ
Indeed, Jay is standing behind the door and bows at your mom before she offers to help you both carry things to his car. They make small talk while the two of you put them into the trunk (he loves to cook while she loves to bake. Likewise, they enjoy talking about this with each other). Jayâs Jeep is far too expensive for you to wrap your head around, but you donât complain when he offers to drive you in it. A yellow rubber duck sits on his dashboard and it never fails to bring a smile to your face whenever you see it. You wave goodbye to your mom and stick your body halfway out the window until youâre restricted by the seat belt.
âCan we get coffee on the way?â you ask, yawning into your palm. Itâs eight oâclock and everyoneâs agreed to arrive around noon for lunch and to relax before sleeping.Â
âYeah, good idea. Letâs pick up Riki and then stop somewhere.âÂ
Jay plugs his phone into the aux cord at a red light and turns on some music. You like driving with him because you always discover new songs you obsess over for the next few days. It brings a pang in your heart when you think about how this will have to stop when you move to Japan. The two of you have created many playlist blends and heâs curated a few for you. While youâre not as musically inclined like your friends may be, Jay is the only person whoâs willing to break things down for you in depth so that you can understand them too. Itâs nice, especially when he talks about his own musical talents. You can see why he loves music so much and you donât mind if he sends you a million songs to listen to. He turns onto the freeway and you know youâre about to see Riki soon.
Heâs about to be a first-year in the university you graduated from. He moved to Korea from Japan a few weeks prior to get a lay of the land and become more comfortable in his surroundings. Originally planning on enjoying your summer until he reached out to you, your mother chided your decision and told you to help Riki move into his new dormitory.Â
It was the least you could do for your half-brother.Â
Begrudgingly, you spent a lot of time making sure Riki felt comfortable and settled in when you couldâve been soaking up the sun. Maybe thatâs why you were so adamant about hanging out with Jungwon whenever you could. Being around Riki made you feel drained because his mere presence was enough to remind you of why you started losing faith in people.Â
The dorms arenât too far from your house. The drive there is silent, save for the music coming from Jayâs stereo. It gives you plenty of time to think about what the next week or so might look like. Avoiding Heeseung is out of the question since there will be eight of you participating in the same activities together. Youâre not worried about having to watch over Riki too much either. Before moving to Korea, he met Jungwon the first summer he spent a few weeks vacationing here and they instantly became friends. He introduced Riki to the people youâd be camping with too. Without fail, the seven of them were always up to no good when he was in town.Â
Spending three weeks with him in your neighborhood felt like someone was trying to set your life ablaze. He was so young back then, barely speaking Korean until you had to translate conversations into Japanese for him. You tried to mask disdain for having to help him, but even then, Riki understood why you were hesitant to have him in your life. If he were in your position, heâd probably feel the same way about you.Â
He didnât come to Korea very often but started to when he had school recess for the holidays and summer breaks. Since he expressed an interest in attending university in Korea, it felt like the right decision to send Riki whenever school wasnât in session. Heâd stay with his paternal grandparents and saw you every so often when you were both invited to the same place. Neither of you made a real effort to keep up with each other on social media or over the phone. At this time, Riki followed you on Instagram and you hadnât bothered to follow him back. In all honesty, you didnât see the point.Â
You held a lot of resentment over Riki for things you know you canât blame him for. But with new life changes that came your way, Riki seemed like the perfect scapegoat. He feels it sometimes, the way you pull him in just to push him away when the moment gets too familiar. He shoves down his feelings, choosing to treasure when you laugh with him.Â
The two of you are doing somewhat better nowadays. You followed him back on Instagram the night after you dropped him off at the airport at the behest of your grandparents. They insisted Riki arrive at the airport four hours early despite the flightâs duration equating to two and a half hours. You suspected they wanted to force you into spending a little bit of alone time with your half-brother and get to know each other.Â
To your surprise, the two of you got along pretty well. Riki was a dweeb trying to mask himself as cool. You bought him ice cream (pretending like you didnât see him smiling so hard that he forced it off of his face) and sat in your car for two hours to talk. He found out you were a genius when it came to mathematics, a subject he did not excel in, and you found out heâs in a hip hop dance crew and wants to study dancing in Korea. Riki showed you a few clips of him dancing and from the corner of your eye, you could see how happy he was to be sharing this moment with you. It made your heart twinge and guilt crept up your spine when you think of all the times youâve blown him off. You said goodbye to him at the gate and he surprised you with the first hug heâs ever given you.Â
Still, itâs a bit awkward when the two of you spend any time together without your friends acting as buffers. It irks you that Riki and Heeseung get along so well because they share similar interests and are often awake at the same time, especially during the midnight hour. Part of you wondered if Heeseung would tell you all about your ârivalryâ and how the two of you didnât get along. If he did, Riki never let you know it because heâs been the same Riki youâve known since you first met him three years ago.Â
You can tell Heeseung is a bit irritated, too, that your half-brother still chooses to be nice to you. In fact, you realize heâs annoyed at everyone about this, especially Jungwon. You donât call him out on it because you know itâll spark a useless argument that makes you and everyone else feel upset. How Heeseung has the energy and stamina to avoid you for hours on end is strange to you.Â
You and Jungwon meet Riki at the front door while Jay gets out of the car to make room for his belongings and the lawn chairs his grandparents dropped off for this specific trip. Thereâs exactly eight of them and they somehow all fit into the rear with all of the other cooking gear heâs packed. You assume the other car has everything needed for pitching tents and fishing.
âHi,â Riki says before you can acknowledge him. He steps forward like heâs about to throw his arms around you but stops himself. âGood morning.âÂ
âMorning, Riki,â you say while grabbing the duffle bag from his shoulder. âLet me put this in the car. You and Wonnie can load the chairs.âÂ
âAye, aye, captain.âÂ
Itâs Rikiâs first time on the camping trip and you find yourself a bit more nervous with him coming. Heâs not someone whoâs been camping before and you wonder if any of the other guys are going to look out for him. Jungwon, for as responsible as he is, tends to turn into a younger version of himself when heâs with your half-brother. You furrow your eyebrows when you put his duffle bag in Jayâs trunk as he rearranges and waits for the two boys to load everything in before settling back into the car.Â
Riki and Jungwon immediately hop in the backseat and youâre quite pleased that you donât have to call shotgun. They talk about things you donât understand while Jay starts the car and resumes manning the aux cord. That strange feeling of nervousness creeps back into your stomach. You turn around and startle Riki when you look at him.Â
âDo you have everything you need?â you ask him.Â
âYes,â Riki says with a nod. âI have my water bottle, my Swiss army knife, and sunblock.âÂ
âBug spray?âÂ
âJungwon says heâs bringing a few bottles.â
âSwimming trunks?â
âCâMon, Y/N. Weâre gonna be camping by a lake. Thatâs the first thing I packed.â
âToothbrush?â
âSecond thing I packed.â
âEnough shirts and socks?â
âOkay,â Jay says, pulling your wrist to get you to look at the road. âRikiâs got everything he needs and if he doesnât, Iâm sure someone else would let him use or borrow it.â
âIâm just making sure heâs got everything so we donât need to stop somewhere,â you mutter, slinking into your seat while Jay sighs. You donât catch it, but Riki sits behind you with a happy smile on his face.Â
âRelax. Weâre trying to make the most before summer ends. You deserve that too.â You know Jayâs right. He smiles when you fix your posture and hands you his phone. âYou know my passcode. Queue up whatever you want.âÂ
You do just that, especially since Jungwon and Riki are engrossed in a conversation about God knows what. You think of interrupting them to ask what they want to listen to but ultimately decide to play a few songs you and Jay could jam out to and some from Jungwonâs playlists. You also try to remember the songs Riki has danced to in his Instagram videos and the musicians he posts on his stories and add them to the queue too.Â
âThanks for letting us come on this trip,â Jay tells you with chatter in the background, not once taking his eyes off of the road. âI know itâs a thing you and Jungwon do with your families.âÂ
âEh, it was bound to happen anyway. Jake was the only one here last summer and I knew it was a matter of time.âÂ
âStill, I know how youâve been feeling lately and it must be overwhelming to have so many people around you right now.â Damn. Jay is almost as receptive as Jungwon is.Â
You donât bother lying to him. âYeah, I think Iâm just scared about starting my life in Okayama. I know a few people but itâs not like here. I thought it was what I wanted to do when I accepted the position but now I canât help but feel like I made a mistake.âÂ
âItâs not a mistake if you believed in it enough to do it all those months ago. I mean, thereâs a reason why youâre moving.âÂ
âI guess.â
âYou donât give yourself enough credit, dude. Youâre like, a fucking wizard when it comes to numbers and even Jake is speechless. You know how he feels about math and physics.âÂ
That makes you laugh. âIt feels kinda nerdy to love math so much but fuck it. It got me a paid yearâs worth of employment before I earn my Masterâs.â
âSee? Not so bad, isnât it?â You suppose itâs not. âJunwon, can you please tell the others that weâre about to stop for coffee then be on our way?â You see the notifications on your phone.Â
wonton: we just picked up riki
jaeyunnie: whoâs we
wonton: me jay and yn
jaeyunnie: AYOOOOOOO YN
you: JAEYUNIE :DD
jaeyunnie: idk why i thought jay was driving alone. whatever this is about to be the best camping trip of my Life. even better than last year
sun sun: is it just me or is jake always really fucking dramatic. also iâm lowkey offended i wasnât invited last year âŚ
jaeyunnie: shut Up u know nothing about me sunoo. and u were in bejing how tf could you have gone with us
sun sun: so much attitude đ
fanghoon: yn save me PLEASE. iâm in a car filled with animals
sun sun: HEY
jaeyunnie: who are you calling an animal big guy ?
you: sunghoon what makes you think i can do thatÂ
you: jk come over here ~i will protect you~
fanghoon: Thank You. Itâs Literally 8am
jaeyunnie: u guys need to become morning people
you: pass
sun sun: PASSÂ
sun sun: noona we are the same đââď¸
you: i know thatâs right
wonton: weâre gonna stop for coffee before heading to the campsiteÂ
jaeyunnie: oh shit we should make heeseung stop for coffee too
wonton: jay says to stop blowing up his phone in the group chat. weâll text you when we stop for gas and when weâve arrived. bye!!!
***
After one stop to fill up Jayâs gas tank (you paid for him as a thank you) and a snack run (Jungwon and Riki split the cost), the four of you are at the campsite in no time. Youâre all somewhat grateful that itâs a little bit cloudy outside because the sun was killing you on the two-hour mark of your road trip. The weather is a little cooler and you tug on the sweater that Jungwonâs dad gave you. Â
You see your other friends park just after you do. Jungwon and Riki are first to get out of the car and greet them like they havenât seen the group in years while you and Jay take your time getting out of your seats. Since when did your joints become so stiff? You blame it on the fact that you woke up from a nap just a few minutes before you arrived.Â
âThis place was hard to find,â you hear Heeseung say from a distance. You try not to let it dampen your mood.Â
âWhereâs Y/N?â Youâre sure that was Jake.Â
âWaking up, probably,â says Jungwon. âShe took a nap in the car and we just woke her up.âÂ
âThe drive wasnât even that long.â You assume your best friend gives Heeseung some kind of reaction before the latter apologizes quickly.Â
Jake is by the passenger door as you open it and looks at you like a dog who wants to be taken out on a walk. He holds the handle to the door and bounces in his shoes until you push yourself out of the car. The loud slamming of the door behind you makes you wince. Jake pulls you into a hug faster than you can process.Â
âI missed you dude,â Jake says. He puts his arm over your shoulder and slowly leads you to the group. âDid you have a good summer?â
âYou know, despite the incredibly hot weather that made me feel like I would sweat to death, summer wasnât so bad. How was Brisbane?â
âI missed the heat,â Jake says with a pout. âBut it was pretty good to be back home for a month. I really missed my parents and my brother.âÂ
âIâm sure they missed you too.â
Jungwon spots you. âYour eyes are so puffy.â He takes his thumbs and tries to put more color underneath your eyes and onto your cheeks. Riki, Sunoo, and Jay have slipped away to start setting up camp.
Jake laughs beside you when you swat Jungwonâs hands away and lets his own arms fall when you lurch forward to give him a taste of his own medicine. He always liked that Jungwon was able to bring out a childish side to you because heâs always seen you carry yourself like you had to shoulder the weight of the world. Watching you chase Jungwon as he tried to escape your pinching fingers made him a bit more happier knowing youâd have friends like him to return to when you came back from Japan.Â
Heeseung, however, rolls his eyes and speaks low. âSheâs so childish.âÂ
âDude,â Sunghoon sighs in exasperation. âWeâre gonna be with her for a week. You need to quit making those comments.âÂ
Heeseung shrugs. âWhat? Itâs not like she can hear what Iâm saying.âÂ
âYeah, but we can. Weâre friends with her too, Heeseung.âÂ
The eldest tries to hold in his disdain. âYeah, whatever. Iâll keep shit to myself.âÂ
âJust for now,â Jake encourages. âY/N never starts anything with you but sometimes you say something that goes a little too far. No one is asking you to be her best friend.â
âJust remember it was Y/Nâs mom and Jungwonâs parents who invited all of us,â Sunghoon reminds his friend. âWe wouldnât be here without them and if I recall correctly, you really wanted to come when you found out we were all planning to go.â Heeseung wants to argue and justify why heâs annoyed but canât find a good enough reason.Â
âYouâre right,â he relents. âIâll make nice but do not expect me to do shit for her.â
âWe arenât.â Sunghoon pats Heeseungâs back. âYouâve got this. Itâs supposed to be a fun trip before we all go back to reality. All we want is one week where you two donât create tension.âÂ
âI can do that.â Jake and Sunghoon share a look between the two of them when Heeseung isnât looking and pray that he means it.
When Jungwon decides heâs out of breath, he accepts his fate and runs into Sunghoonâs arms when you outstretch your arms to pinch his cheeks and pull them apart like heâs made out of dough. The broken laughter coming from your best friend makes you laugh too. Everyone, save for Heeseung, laughs when Jungwonâs face becomes distorted due to your fingers.Â
Eventually, you pull away from him and he starts to grab his duffle bag and the lawn chairs. The three of you follow suit once you realize youâre missing a few people. You lift your duffle over your shoulder and put on your hiking backpack while trying to hold more lawnshairs than you can carry.Â
âWoah,â Sunghoon says as he catches a falling chair. âLet me help.â
âThanks, Hoon. I donât know why I thought I could carry two chairs at once.âÂ
âYouâre strong but youâre also carrying a fuck ton of things.âÂ
He smiles at you and it makes you laugh. You havenât seen much of Sunghoon over the summer because heâs been working nonstop at a local ice rink, teaching kids how to skate in back to back summer classes. Sunghoon is sometimes too tired to hang out after work or falls asleep on your couch whenever he hangs out with you to watch movies. Your mom thinks itâs a bit endearing and never has the heart to wake him up. Between Sunghoonâs impromptu sleepovers, Jungwon and Sunooâs unannounced visits, Jayâs cooking and baking sessions in your kitchen, and Jake appearing out of nowhere every few nights for dinner, youâre starting to think your house might have an unspoken open door policy.Â
Heeseung is the only one who doesnât frequent your house if you donât count Riki, who doesnât spend enough time in Korea to become a permanent fixture. The only time Heeseung has been to your house is when he dropped Jungwon off after he had one too many to drink and heâd been adamant about going to your place because it was closer to the bar in comparison to your apartment. One awkward conversation later and Heeseung was out of your driveway. Jungwon woke up with a hangover the next morning and you were grateful your mother chose that weekend to take a girlâs trip with her best friends.
You donât invite Heeseung over like you do with the others. The only reason why you havenât deleted his phone number is because of the big group chat youâre in to discuss plans. He never responds to your texts in it and you donât respond to him unless absolutely necessary. Sometimes you catch him laughing at your messages only to retract it when he realizes itâs you who sent it. Itâs been six years of dealing with this and as much as it confuses you, part of you has learned to tune out this behavior and focus on the other friends you do share.Â
Sunghoon must know youâre thinking about his friend because he looks at you like heâs been trying to get your attention. âSorry,â you apologize. âWhat did you say?âÂ
âI said thanks for letting us crash your trip. I know this is something you and Jungwon do with your families every year. Canât help but feel a little special that we get to come along.âÂ
You coo at him. âDo you remember when you could barely look me in the eye, let alone tell me something as sweet as that?â Sunghoon rolls his eyes.Â
âOh, shut up. You know Iâm an introvert.â You bump your hip with his.Â
âIâm just messing with you. But in all seriousness, itâll be fun having you guys around.â
âIâm excited to see what you and Jungwon do every year.âÂ
âNothing too out of the ordinary. Swim, eat a lot of food, kayak, hike, the usual. But thereâs one spot we usually go to, just he and I, thatâs away from the main spot on the lake.âÂ
âHowâd you find it?â
âJungwon found it by accident when we were younger. He said it was gonna be our secret spot and told me not to tell our parents. I think the whole campground panicked for an hour or so until somebody found us in the clearing.âÂ
Sunghoon snorts. âYeah, that sounds like you two.âÂ
âThey told us to tell them where weâd be and promised to leave us alone if we gave them a heads up. Itâs not really noticeable if you donât know where to look, but itâs so beautiful. It leads to another part of the lake and itâs always so peaceful and quiet.âÂ
âIn that case, Iâm honored that youâre showing us.âÂ
âEh, itâs about time we add new members to the club.â
âOh?â He raises his eyebrow. âThereâs a club now?â
âMhm. Gotta pay me two fish to join.âÂ
âLike you know how to fish.â You bump your hip with his again.
âThere are things you guys donât know about me, Park. Just wait and see.âÂ
Sunghoon lets the conversation end when he finds himself at the campsite where Jay and Riki have started to organize things and make spots for tents. Itâll take a few trips for all of the supplies and camping gear to be fully unloaded so you each take turns until everything is sitting in a big pile, waiting to be sorted.Â
âOkay, Iâm a bit out of my depth,â says Sunoo, who kicks around a rock as he speaks. âI, for one, will need help pitching a tent.â
âIâll help you,â you say, nodding for him to come over.Â
âYou can pitch a tent?â Heeseung asks like he doesnât believe you.Â
You nod and pick up a bag. âYeah. I do this every year.â You donât say it with any bite in your tone but Heeseung, who forgot this fact, feels like an idiot for making a fool of himself in front of his friends. He chooses to look away from you for now.Â
âWe have three tents we need to put up,â Jay says. âIâm thinking we pitch those now, have a snack and water break, and then start to organize before we eat lunch.âÂ
âSounds good.â You agree. âIâd rather have everything set up so we can enjoy our evening. Besides, we should do this before it gets dark.âÂ
âRight.â Jungwon clears his throat and hands out each bag, assigning your friends based on the size of the tent. Everybody gets to work, clearing the flat ground of rocks and debris before deciding where your tents will go. You all hammer the groundsheet into the dirt before assembling the poles.
You teach Sunoo the basics and give him pointers when he struggles to connect the joints. Heâs learning much faster than he gives himself credit for because in no time, heâs jumping for joy when he finally manages to grasp what heâs supposed to be doing. Itâs nice to watch him be so happy over this, as Sunoo originally declined the invitation to go camping since he isn't a huge fan of the outdoors. But now itâs like you wouldâve never guessed that because heâs pretty quick to pick up your lessons.
Your tent is pitched up in no time. You roam around like a camp counselor to see if anybody needs help. Jake, Heeseung, Jay, and Jungwon seem to know what theyâre doing and have the biggest tent halfway set up. Sunghoon and Riki look like they need a bit of assistance. Sunghoonâs figuring it out quickly while Riki fumbles with his fingers.Â
âYou have to do it slowly,â you say from beside him. Riki hands you the attachments when you beckon him to hand it over and show him slowly. âLike this. See? If you do it slowly, theyâll catch easier and itâll be smoother when we feed them into the tent.âÂ
âOh.â Riki nods when your trick works. âThanks, Y/N.âÂ
The three of you pitch up your tent too, with Riki handing you the pegs to hammer them into the ground after zipping the door. Sunghoon dusts off his hands on his shorts and takes a big gulp from his water bottle. Sunooâs mom packed enough fruit and onigiri for a midday snack, and all eight of you feast quietly after exerting more power than anyone anticipated. You really need to start working out again.Â
âBefore we clear out and organize everything else, we should probably figure out who sleeps where,â Jungwon says. âThat way, we can put our stuff in our respective tents and have that out of the way.âÂ
âGood idea,â Jake says. âHow should we do this? Rock, paper, scissors?âÂ
âSure, but I think Y/N and I should share a tent.â Heeseung rolls his eyes at Jungwon and you see it from the corner of your vision.
âWhat?â Riki asks. âWhy?âÂ
âBecause all of you get too comfortable around her and forget she doesnât want to hear you snore or see your boxers in the morning.â Jungwon laughs. âItâll be easier since weâve been camping together anyway. Sheâs used to rooming with me and Iâm used to waking up next to a Zombie.âÂ
âI hate you.â Jungwon merely smiles at you. Â
���You just want to get out of sharing a tent with three people,â says Sunghoon. Jungwon nods.Â
âThat too.âÂ
âRock, paper, scissors it is,â Sunoo says, getting his hands ready.Â
They all battle one another until the rooming situation is sorted. You and Jungwon will share a tent while Sunoo and Jay share the other smaller one. That leaves Jake, Sunghoon, Riki, and Heeseung sharing the big one. You all throw your belongings in before helping Jay organize the portable stove, chairs, and other things that need to be stored properly.Â
When all is said and done an hour later, Jay and Sunghoon start a barbecue. All of you are spent, sagging your bodies in the camping chairs that are positioned around the campfire. You know youâll need to fetch some wood from the outpost if you all want to have a bonfire. But that can be a task for later.
âYour mom makes the best onigiri,â Riki groans as he shoves another bite in his mouth. âIt reminds me so much of home.âÂ
Sunoo smiles proudly. âSheâs the best, isnât she?â Jake, who is busy stuffing his face with sliced watermelons, agrees. They pick at the leftovers from snack time and Jay chides them for it.
âDonât spoil yourselves too much or you wonât have an appetite for lunch.âÂ
âHeâs so bossy,â Riki says as he leans over towards you. âBut itâs kinda nice having someone who does shit and takes charge.âÂ
You nod. âMhm. Usually Jungwon and I are the ones spearheading everything but Jayâs got some camping experience. Iâm fine taking the backseat.âÂ
âDo you camp a lot? Besides this tradition, I mean.â Riki watches you shake your head.Â
âNo, not really. This is as much as I can handle. Itâs more like a gigantic lake house with hot showers and a few convenience stores miles away to replenish food if we run out of anything.â
âIt looks like you know what youâre doing.â
âThatâs because I do, Riki.âÂ
He blushes. âRight. Thanks for helping me with my tent earlier.âÂ
âDonât sweat it. Youâll be able to do it without my help in no time.â That brings a shimmer of hope to the younger boy sitting next to you.Â
Heeseung avoids looking at you when Riki purposefully sits beside you on the empty lawn chair. He doesnât completely understand why the younger boy likes you so much. Heeseng thinks youâre a nuisance and that you overstay your welcome at hangouts. But Riki clings to you like youâre his lifeline and he gets that youâre his half-sister and all, but you werenât the most welcoming to him when he started hanging out in Korea more often. Riki would never tell Heeseung the details about his past and he never tried to pry past what the youngest would reveal. Six years of avoiding you made him forget every single detail he once knew about you when youâd both been somewhat friendly towards one another.Â
There were some days when you wouldnât make room in your schedule to see Riki as often as heâd wanted you to and he lamented that to Heeseung. But every time heâd start to talk about how unfair it was for you to pick and choose when you got to see our younger brother, Riki would defend you every time. He didnât get it, feeling the frustration bubble to the surface before realizing that it wasnât his place to question why Riki acted the way he did. Sure, he was younger than Heeseung, but he respected family matters and didnât care about you enough to figure you out anyway.Â
He keeps these feelings to himself mostly. The friends you share donât really understand why he has a distaste for you and he refuses to elaborate because the memory is too painful, and instead chooses to bury these feelings. Itâs nobodyâs business anyway. He certainly doesnât want to start anything with Riki involved because he would feel guilty for putting him in an uncomfortable position, and because he knows heâd defend you regardless. Even though youâve made progress to open up yourself to Riki, Heeseung still scoffs whenever he sees the two of you together.Â
By the time lunch is done, all eight of you are crowded around a table built into the ground, feasting on meat and vegetables. Everybody thanks Jay for cooking and the seven of you agree to clean up after every meal so Jay doesnât have to work twice as hard. Youâre not sitting too far from Heeseung (to both of your dismay). Sunghoon purposely sat in between you both when he realized the other empty spots were filling up and didnât want to chance an uproar during mealtime.Â
âSo,â Sunoo starts to say after closing the bottle cap on his cola. âWhatâs on the agenda for today? Personally, I think we should take it easy until tomorrow.âÂ
âI agree.â Jungwon nods. âWeâve done a lot and drove for a while. I say we relax and do whatever until dinner.âÂ
âIâm going to nap, thatâs for sure.â You all snicker at Jay. Typical.Â
âMe too,â says Riki.Â
âIs anyone up for walking around the lake?â Jake asks.Â
âI could go,â Sunghoon says from next to you.Â
âSure,â you finally say, âwhy not.âÂ
âI think Iâll hang back here.â Heeseung says it almost immediately and it stings a bit. âIâll probably nap too.âÂ
âI want to read.â Sunoo changes the direction of the conversation before anyone can pick up on the awkwardness and you throw him a smile.Â
âI think Iâll join you.â Jungwon pulls a book from his backpack and the pair begin to brainstorm where they should sit. Natural chatter falls back into place and you focus on eating, as your stomach has been grumbling pretty loud.Â
Heeseung breaks the silence. âCan someone pass me the pineapple?â You donât register that your arm has moved on its own accord and pass the container to him. Heeseung gives you a look you canât decipher and itâs only then you realize what youâve done. Sunghoon gulps.Â
âThanks,â Heeseung mutters, taking the pineapple from your hands. Youâre pleasantly surprised he doesnât make a comment about how he isnât craving it anymore and watch him eat some from the corner or your eye.Â
By nightfall, all of you are too exhausted to sit around the campfire. The hot shower stalls provide the kind of warmth you would go crazy without and you find yourself contemplating underneath the water longer than youâd like to admit. A plethora of thoughts run across your mind and they drift from the events of today, Riki, Heeseung, and moving to Okayama. Your friends donât bring up the move and youâre grateful for that.Â
When you return from the shower and from brushing your teeth, Jungwon asks if youâre okay. You lie and say youâre fine but exhausted and he lets it go, too tired himself to pry the truth out of you. The last thing you think about is Heeseung. You send a silent prayer out into the universe and ask that the two of you are able to make nice during this camping trip. Then, you fall asleep.
***
Everybody is up bright and early after a good nightâs sleep. All of you agree todayâs the best day for a short hike to get used to the terrain before you explore harder trails. You and Jungwon know the hike like the back of your hand and lead the group expertly through trees and dirt pathways. All of you have a backpack for your essentials, and each of you has packed a portable lunch for when you reach the top of the peak at the end of the trail.Â
Halfway into the hike is not as uphill as you recalled it to be. The scenery is still breathtaking and you temporarily forget that Heeseung is burning eyes in the back of your skull. Last nightâs prayer seems to be working, as he hasnât said a word to you or argued with you when you started leading everybody towards the start of the hiking path. Youâre not sure whether his feelings about you changed or if he knows youâre the literal expert since you grew up here, but you donât think you care either way.Â
Heeseung makes a false step and twists his ankle. You hear the commotion behind you and turn around. He stumbles and a sharp edge of a branch catches his thigh, creating a gash that starts to bleed. Everyone crowds around him when they realize it and make him sit on a large rock and he feels like shouting at you to back away when you start to walk towards him.
âGuys, Iâm fine. Itâs not that bad.â He feels more embarrassed than hurt.Â
Jake looks concerned. âDude, your leg is bleeding.âÂ
âItâs just a cut.âÂ
âLet me inspect it.âÂ
You pull your backpack off of you and take out your water bottle and first aid kit. You drop to your knees to inspect the wound and Heeseung refrains from coughing at the awkward position from where heâs sitting. You donât seem phased by it, however, as you push up the fabric of his shorts and use your water bottle to clean the dirt from his wound.Â
Your face is somewhat close to his leg and he jumps when your hand touches his thigh. The guys mistake his sudden movements as pain and rush to help stabilize him. Heeseung insists that heâs fine and brushes them off of him. He wonât admit that his fidgeting is because the last thing he expected you to do was patch him up. He figures Jungwon would be good at that kind of stuff, not you.Â
Heeseung winces at the sudden contact of water in his wound. âOkay, maybe it hurts a little.â
âYou wonât need stitches or anything, but I should get you cleaned up and put a bandage on it.â
Heeseung watches as you do your best to clean it with the wipes you have and ointment that will keep any debris out. The wound isnât too gnarly but itâs no small papercut either. He watches as you expertly deal with the wound and keeps quiet, even though he feels uncomfortable and wishes he could turn back time to avoid any of this. Itâs awkward to know your hands are on him because he feels like ants are crawling up his leg.
âI think we should probably go back and rest a little,â says Jungwon. âWe can eat lunch there and maybe hang out for a bit.â
âGood idea,â Heeseung mutters when youâve stepped away from him. Sunghoon and Riki each help him up and allow the eldest to use them as crutches as he limps back to the base. He mutters a quiet âthank youâ in your direction and doesnât pay attention to see your reaction. You feel like you got your hopes up for nothing because he turns his back towards you before you can smile at him. Defeated, you try to put your best self on display and follow everybody back to your tents.Â
Heeseung decides to rest on the chairs and eat his lunch there. You arenât particularly eager to spend any time with him and figure heâd appreciate it if you werenât around while he recovered. You take your sack of lunch and tell Jungwon youâll be walking around the lake like you did yesterday. He tells you to be safe and then youâre on your way.Â
âHey, wait up!â You turn around to see Jake running until heâs caught up with you. Itâs a bit unfair how he barely runs out of breath when he jogs. Itâs definitely because heâs an athlete, but itâs still unfair.Â
âCare to join?âÂ
âCanât a guy accompany his friend on a nice, brisk walk?âÂ
That makes you laugh. âYeah, sure.â You fall in a quiet tandem enjoying the silence and the environment for a while. âI had a lot of fun camping last year. I think my favorite part was kayaking or when Jungwon accidentally dropped his entire sâmore in the fire.âÂ
You snicker at the memory. âHis mom was so mad that he kept eating the marshmallows.âÂ
âYeah, it was pretty funny. I still feel kind of embarrassed that I managed to flip over in my kayak somehow.âÂ
âEh, it makes for a good story.â
âItâs not my fault Jungwon slammed into me!â Jake defends when you begin to laugh. âSeriously, Y/N. How the fuck do you put up with that menace?âÂ
âThe same way you do, dummy.â
Jake bites into his sandwich. âI love Jungwon.â
âMe too.âÂ
âOur parents loved having you come too. Jungwonâs dad loves fishing with people.â
âI still canât believe how many we were able to catch. Iâm sad the guys werenât there because they keep shitting on me for not being able to catch any when we go together.âÂ
You bump your shoulder against his. âThey donât know what I know. Iâm sure my mom has pictures somewhere.âÂ
âHow is she, by the way?â Jake asks.Â
âEommaâs doing alright. She just got a huge bonus at work for managing a really difficult client and completing this campaign sheâs been working on. It stressed her out for months but Iâm happy if sheâs happy.âÂ
âThatâs awesome. Iâm happy for her.âÂ
âHow are things with your family? Howâs Layla?âÂ
âMy parents are actually on a trip to the States to see some family and my brother just got promoted at his job. Iâm super proud of him. He worked really hard for it. Laylaâs doing okay too. Sheâs staying with my cousin until I come back.âÂ
âI miss her.â
âShe probably misses you too.âÂ
The two of you settle into a comfortable pace and eat your lunches. There are no awkward moments with Jake. Something about his personality makes everyone around him divulge their deepest secrets and he always seems to know what to say, too. You havenât been close to him for very long but you know him well enough to know that heâll keep anything you say between the two of you.Â
âI know you probably feel a little awkward with Heeseung around but youâve been handling it really well.â Jakeâs tone softens and he looks straight ahead as he talks, breaking the temporary silence. âI donât know what goes on in his head half the time.âÂ
âI just wish I knew what I did so I can apologize and fix it. He gets mad every time I ask and accuses me of bringing up bad memories for him. I donât know what to do, Jake. It feels like he gets along with everybody in my life but me.âÂ
âWe all know Heeseungâs been through a lot and has trouble talking about them sometimes. Heâs been in therapy but we had to really convince him to set an appointment.âÂ
You scoff. âSounds like him.â Jake doesnât disagree.Â
âI guess I understand that having to deal with shitty cards makes a person go insane.â
âSure. I just wish I wasnât the scapegoat.â Jake winces but tries not to let you see.Â
âSorry youâre going through this. Sunghoon and I made him swear to be on his best behavior.âÂ
âItâs a little awkward still but at least he isnât picking a fight with me. Although, who knows how long thatâll last.â
âHave a little more faith in him, Y/N.â You deadpan and he holds his hand up in mock surrender. âOkay, next topic. How are you feeling about Japan?âÂ
Your shoulders slump. âAwful.âÂ
Jakeâs head quirks like he doesnât understand. âWhat do you mean? You were really excited when you got the job offer.âÂ
âI know butâŚit doesnât feel right anymore. My whole life is about to change and I donât know how I feel about that.â
âYou donât have to know anything. In fact, Iâd be a little worried if you had your shit figured out.â You punch his arm. âItâs really cool that youâre leaving Korea to pursue your dream. I know how hard it is to leave everything behind for a better opportunity.â
You look at him softly and nod because you know he empathizes with you. Back when you first met him, heâd moved from Australia to Korea because your university had one of the best physics programs in the world. He knew how to speak your native Korean but wasnât confident in conversing back then, and you had your fair share of mentoring him in formal greeting and the basics when it came to interacting with people. Jake definitely understands where youâre coming from and doesnât want you to feel alone.Â
âWeâll always be here for you too,â he reassures. âWe wonât be too far away and you can come home whenever you have the time and arenât working.âÂ
âI know, but it feels like everything in my life is changing at the same time and thereâs nothing I can do to stop it. I wish I was a freshman again. I wish I could turn back time and really enjoy my life before I make a life changing decision.âÂ
âYouâre really torn up about this, arenât you?â
Nodding, you look at the ground beneath you. âThere are so many things Iâve been dealing with over the past few years or so and it feels like Iâm giving up on things if I just leave. Everything feels so scary, you know? I feel like Iâm being suffocated every time I open my eyes.Â
âOn top of starting a new job in a place Iâm not that familiar with, Iâm leaving my mom behind. Iâve never lived farther than an hour away from her and I hate knowing that I wonât be able to see her whenever I want. Not to mention Riki studying in Korea means Iâll be spending even more time with him.â
Jake chooses not to comment and nods with his lips pressed into a thin line. He doesnât know whatâs going on between the two of you but has his suspicions after hearing your hushed conversations with Jungwon. Even before the two of you became as close as you are, Jake has always looked out for you because he knows Jungwon loves you like a sister. It was easy to tell that youâd fallen into some sort of depression as you graduated high school and barely managed to pull yourself out of it before graduating university.Â
Riki has always been a sore subject for you. Jake doesnât bring him up unless you do, no matter how much he adores the younger boy. The relationship you have with him is complicated but it tears him up inside to see Riki longing for you when the two of you are together. Jake knows thereâs a great deal of tension that follows both of you too. He could feel it the first time you brought up having a half-brother and started to put the pieces together.Â
âI love that Rikiâs more comfortable in Korea. I really do,â you confess. âI love that my friends get along with him too, but part of me is scared that youâll all forget about me since heâll be here to take my place.âÂ
âYou are not replaceable.â Jake looks at you when he says it. âYouâre about to chase your dream, Y/N. None of us will throw our friendship down the drain just because we wonât be able to see you everyday. Riki is great but heâs not you.â
Heâs pleased when you lift the corners of your mouth into a small smile. âThanks, Jake. I donât know where this fear came from.âÂ
âYouâre dealing with a lot. Itâs understandable. I donât know much about whatâs going on between you and Riki, and you donât have to tell me, but you should know that he loves you a lot and would never think about dishonoring you while youâre gone.âÂ
âI know. I have a lot of pent up emotions and therapy feels like it isnât working. I guess I should give myself some more time. But with the move, itâs been hard to focus on anything. I donât want Riki to feel like I donât want him in my life but itâs hard to make room for somebody you didnât know existed until a few years ago.âÂ
Jake nods. âYeah, I get that. It feels a bit weird making space for someone who calls himself your brother, isnât it?âÂ
âHe has every right to. I mean, heâs my half-brother. But I donât knowâŚI want to be at a place where I can look at him and not see how much my life has changed for the worst. Heâs such a talented kid with a bright future and I hate that I project my feelings onto him.âÂ
âBaby steps,â Jake reassures. âYouâve been through a lot of shit. Both you and your mom have and you've both handled it really well.âÂ
âIâm glad it looks that way because I feel like Iâm hanging on by a thread.âÂ
âWell, thatâs what it means to be in your early twenties.â  Â
The two of you decide to head back to the campsite when it starts to get warmer. You throw your trash in garbage bins before trotting back and see that Sunoo and Jay have left to go back hiking on the trail that you were on earlier in the day. Heeseung seems to fare better with his wound, which you see heâs managed to replace (thanks to Jungwon, no doubt). But his mood seems to worsen when he sees you and Jake walking side by side towards the group.Â
âHow was the lake?â Jungwon asks, sipping on a cola.
âPretty,â Jake replies. âThere werenât that many people there so it was a little empty.âÂ
âWe should probably discuss what we want to do for the rest of the day and plan some stuff for later this week. Itâll be a little warmer later in the week so I think we should save that. Thereâs a great spot where Y/N and I go fishing. We could do that later in the morning.â
âY/N, fishing?â Heeseung laughs. âIâd pay to see that.â
âWhat, you donât think I can fish?âÂ
He shrugs. âI didnât know you were a fan of the outdoors. You always had a nose in your textbooks so I thought that was it for you.âÂ
âWell, Heeseung, itâs not like the two of us know each other well enough to know these types of things.â He doesnât seem to like that answer.Â
âFishing tomorrow it is!â Jake interjects.Â
âI havenât gone fishing in a long time,â Riki laments. âItâll be nice to have trout for dinner.âÂ
âI think Jay brought a lot of seasoning and sides,â Jungwon says to the group. âWe can always go to the market a few miles down for anything else.âÂ
You tune out the rest of the conversation, feeling a bit tired from the walk and the heat thatâs starting to make you sweat. Youâre eternally grateful that your tent is covered in shade and contemplate on taking a nap when Jungwon waves at you.
âYou good, Y/N? You seem a little out of it.â You nod at Jungwon and take a seat next to the closest camp chair. You can feel Heeseung watching you and try not to slip as you sink down into the seat, crossing one of your legs over the other.Â
âYeah, Iâm fine. Just have a lot going on in my head. I think Iâm a little tired, tooâ
Heeseung scoffs quietly. âWeâre camping. What could you possibly be thinking about thatâs making Jungwon worried?â You curl into yourself as Jungwon chides his friend.Â
âIâm moving to Japan soon,â you tell him. Youâre not even sure that he knows this about you, figuring that one of your friends would tell him to you at some point. Neither of you communicate with one another unless you absolutely have to. You didnât see the point in telling him. âIâve been thinking a lot about that, I guess.â
An array of emotions seems to wash over him and, as always, you have a hard time trying to figure out what heâs feeling and thinking. âOh. So youâll be out of Korea?â
âYup.âÂ
âWhen are you leaving?âÂ
âDonât seem too excited,â Sunghoon says underneath a cough.
âIn a couple of weeks. I leave a little after we get back home.â Heeseung merely nods. He doesnât ask you why youâre moving or what part of Japan youâll be living in and you donât offer that information, feeling awkward with the tension ever since you and Jake arrived back at the campsite. Riki finishes eating and stands up to throw his trash away, providing something to look at in order to forget that Heeseung keeps trying to look away from you.Â
âY/Nâs gonna be an engineer,â Jungwon brags on your behalf. âSheâs taking a year off to work before getting her masterâs degree.âÂ
âDamn,â Riki whistles. âYouâre so smart.â You try to hide a smile.Â
âWhat are you gonna be working on?â Sunghoon asks.Â
âIâll be assisting other researchers in software development, particularly for space and aeronautics.â You nod once, feeling tense underneath everyoneâs stare. âI donât know what Iâll be doing specifically but thatâs why Iâm moving to Okayama.âÂ
âThatâs so cool!â Jake exclaims. Heseung rolls his eyes at his excited outburst and tries to avoid your eye. âYouâre gonna be amazing.âÂ
âI hope so. Itâs a great opportunity to work in my chosen field before I decide to continue in this career when I go back to school. I have so many interests within mathematics but this seems like the right place to start.â
âShit,â Sunghoon says as he slowly claps for dramatic effect. âI knew you were smart but youâre a fucking genius.â
âI wouldnât say geniusââ
âYou are, though.â Jungwon smiles at you and gives two thumbs up. âYouâre the smartest person I know, dude. This company is lucky to have you.â
âSo cool,â Jake says again. He bumps Heeseungâs shoulder with the back of his hand. âIsnât that right, Heseung?âÂ
âYeah, totally,â he says carelessly, giving you a half-hearted smile. His mouth doesnât quite reach his eyes and you refrain from audibly sighing.Â
âDonât you think Y/N was always the smartest person in our year?â Heeseung nods. Jake nudges his friend again.Â
âYes,â Heeseung says with a great amount of venom in his tone. He shakes off Jakeâs hand from his body abruptly, causing the younger boy to take a step back in shock. He looks at you and musters an insincere smile when he notices the rest of your friends watching. âY/N is so smart.âÂ
His sarcasm deafens your ears and makes your blood feel like it could be boiling beneath your skin. The atmosphere around you changes. Riki and Jungwon try to pretend like everything is normal while Jake and Sunghoon give Heeseung wide eyes as if to tell him to knock it off. You look at your lap, uncomfortable with the silence that washes over.Â
âWhyâs it so quiet?â Sunoo asks from behind you. The group collectively sighs and youâre all thankful that he and Jay returned from their hike to cut the tension.Â
âWe were just talking about what we wanted to do for the rest of the day,â Jungwon says before anyone can speak. âLetâs take it easy tonight and go fishing tomorrow.âÂ
âSounds good to me.â Jay takes a seat and takes a big gulp of water. âLetâs heat up some kimchi jjigae for dinner because I don't feel like cooking. Jakeâs mom made enough for all of us to have seconds.âÂ
None of you disagree. Feeling yourself grow more tired the more your friends converse with one another, you manage to catch Jungwonâs eye and nod at him before heading inside the tent.Â
***
Itâs not unusual for you to wake up with what feels like a heavy heart but youâre having a hard time pushing yourself off of the uncomfortable ground to get ready for the day. Jungwon is asleep beside you with his knee digging into your side but even that isnât enough to motivate you to leave the tent.Â
You mourn the loss of your mom and his parents accompanying you on this trip. As fun as hanging out with your friends are, having Heeseung constantly avoiding eye contact and muttering things underneath your breath has you feeling more on edge than you anticipated. It always feels like heâs waiting for you to mess up so he can get a word in or wait for the perfect moment to drop a subtle insult that only you can catch. Sunghoon and Jake in particular try their best to restrain him but that doesnât do much. Eating dinner was awkward and you blamed your quiet nature on sleeping too deeply.Â
Finally, you sit up in your spot and rub the sleep out of your eyes. It doesnât seem like any of the other guys are up and you pull a clock out to read the time. Itâs still early and the people around you are still waking up as well. Your movements seem to have woken up Jungwon, who yawns when he opens his eyes.
âMorning,â he croaks. âDid you sleep okay?â
âIt was fine. Woke up a few times because of people stepping on twigs, though.â
âYeah, same. I think Jake got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Woke up to him walking by the tent.â Jungwon sits up and brushes the hair out of his eyes. âIâm so hungry thinking about all the trout weâre about to eat tonight.âÂ
âIf you catch any.â He swats your arm.Â
âI alway catch more than you.â
âNuh-uh. Last year I beat you by two fish.â
âY/N, Iâve caught more fish than you every year before that.âÂ
âShut up.âÂ
You hear Jungwon laughing as you exit the tent to freshen up at the bathhouse. There are a few people milling about when you walk towards the structure. Your mouth feels a bit grimey from your morning breath and the cold water that hits your face wakes you up immediately. When you turn around after youâve finished your morning routine, you collide right into Heeseung.
âWatch it.âÂ
âI didnât see you. Geez.â Your heart continues thumping as you grip your toiletry bag. Heeseung rolls his eyes and slips past you. Anger rises within you but you decide that itâs not worth getting so worked up over at this hour.Â
As time ticks by, the rest of your friend group emerge from their tents and gather around the campfire. You all wait for everyone to wake up and prepare themselves for the day, enjoying a nice breakfast with a cool breeze until youâre all ready to go fishing. You secure the bucket hat Jungwonâs dad gave you until it fits snugly over your head and forego a jacket, only packing the necessities while you wait for everybody else to gather their belongings before youâre all walking to the boathouse.Â
The instructors are the same from last year. You and Jungwon make small talk and explain that neither of your parents are here on this trip and you tell them about Japan when they ask you about life after college. Each of your friends introduce themselves and after a quick introduction, theyâre leading all eight of you out onto the dock.Â
There are enough boats for two pairs of three and one for two people. It seems as though you were too preoccupied talking to the employees because you realize the only boat left is one shared with Heeseung and Riki.Â
âOh,â comes your meek voice in realization as you watch the two step onto the boat.
âYou should man the engine,â the employee says as the two men get on before you. âYouâre more familiar.â
âI can steer,â Heeseung says. âIâve done it before.âÂ
âIâve watched Y/N steer these boats for a decade, son. Youâll definitely want her to do it.âÂ
Heeseung relents. Itâs a small victory, but a victory nonetheless,Â
You step onto the boat. Heeseung sits at the far end while Riki sits in the middle, holding onto the seat as you get your bearings. The three of you wave goodbye to the employees at the dock and you start to drive the boat out into the lake to catch up with the rest of your friends.
The open clearing away from the port is more beautiful than you can describe. With open waters and enough room to roam around, thereâs an array of directions to catch the most fish. The water is fairly calm with the exception of the ripples your boat makes. Riki and Heeseung donât say a word as you steer them towards a clear path with minimal boats and see the other guys scattered around the large body of water.Â
Neither of them argue with you about where to go, even though Heeseung is holding himself back. Bitter over having you steer, he knows itâs the logical answer since you know this place like the back of your hand. He instead chooses to bask in the sunlight and welcomes the spray of water on his face and body. The cool splashes are a nice contrast to the warm sunlight.Â
When you start to slow the boat down, the water around you becomes still as well. You turn the engine off and wait for the contraption to settle beneath you. The sound of water rippling against itself is enough to make you feel more at ease and you donât mind it when you see Heeseung start to assemble bait on the fishing poles.
âWhyâd you pick this place?â Riki asks.
âI caught a lot of fish here last year. I hope we can catch more this year.â
âMore than Jungwon?â
You smile. âYeah. He and I have this unspoken competition.â
âWhatâs the prize?â
âThereâs not really a prize. Itâs just something we do.â
âWhatâs the point of competing if thereâs no prize?â Heeseung interjects. You shrug.
âDunno. Itâs fun for us.â He doesnât say anything after that.Â
Itâs quiet for a while. The sound of birds chirping and faint chatter in the background fill the atmosphere but the three of you silently agree to refrain from talking once youâve all casted your reels. Riki, who is a bit excited to catch some fish, anxiously peers at the water below him every few minutes or so. He pulls back with a pout when he doesnât feel a tug on his line. The awkward tension somewhat dissipates and youâre able to forget that Heeseung is a few feet away from you. He angles his face towards the water and seems to be in his own bubble as you hold your fishing rod.Â
Growing up on this campsite means learning the virtue of patience and willing yourself to become more in tune with your surroundings. It was your father that first taught you that the most important rule to fishing was patience. Heâd tell you the fishes could sense urgency and impatience from underneath the water, and therefore they knew not to take your bait. It made sense to you at a young age. Every time youâd be on the water with him, youâd force yourself to slow down and calm your thoughts until the silence felt like a welcomed embrace.Â
That mantra of practicing patience seeps into your life now that your dad isnât in it anymore. Jungwonâs father had volunteered to go fishing with you the first year your own chose not to go on the annual camping trip. Everyone could tell how difficult it was for you and your mother to attend, but despite hardship and the change in dynamics, she didnât want either of you to lose any semblance of normalcy. Youâd argue that was the hardest week of your life. Jungwon, who is usually very organized and detail oriented, chose to let you lead the trip activities between the two of you and didnât complain once.
The two of you were in high school when your father left and Jungwon swears it was like somebody stole the sun from your eyes. Your studies became the sole focus of your life and even Heeseung was barely at the forefront of your mind anymore. Heâd watch you become detached from everything that didnât have to do with academics and extracurriculars. Focusing on college applications was the most important thing for you back then.Â
Of course, Jungwon and all of your friends gave you a bit of space to process new feelings and the change in household. Your father moved away and wasn't living in the house anymore. It started to become an empty shell, where neither you nor your mother could stand eating at the dining table because it brought up unwanted memories. Your dad wasnât here to help you with homework anymore and you could no longer hear your parents talk outside of your door until you fell asleep. The complete silence startled you. It still does sometimes, but youâve learned that grief is about facing your hardships until it isnât so scary anymore.Â
These trips are bittersweet every year. Fishing is a reminder of everything youâve lost. But lately, youâre starting to think about it as everything you could gain and then some. Â
âThe more you look down, the more the fish are gonna be scared,â you say, breaking the quiet atmosphere. Riki looks at you quizzically.Â
âReally?â
âNo, but youâre not gonna catch anything faster just by looking down.â His shoulders sag.Â
âWeâve been here for so long and nothing has tugged on my line.âÂ
âFishing is a game of chance. The fish choose to take your bait if it feels enticed enough.â As if on cue, your fishing rod starts to move. Riki watches you latch onto it while Heeseung turns back when he feels the boat rock underneath him and observes you too. You wrestle with it for a short while before reeling the fish above water and proudly hold it beside you. âPatience is the most important part of fishing. The fish finds you when you least expect it.â Heeseung snorts when you put the fish in the bucket. It takes a great deal out of you not to roll your eyes.Â
âYouâre so wise,â Riki mutters.Â
âI donât think Iâm wise, per se. I just think thereâs nothing else you can do when youâre in open water with nothing to distract you.âÂ
âIâm working on my patience. Moving to Korea made that pretty difficult for me.âÂ
âWell, youâre moving to a new country. Itâs something youâve never done before, you know? I bet packing was stressful.âÂ
âI hated every second of it,â he says as he rolls his eyes like youâve brought out an irritating memory. âI triple checked everything before leaving. I hope I didnât forget anything back home.âÂ
âAre you scared to start the semester?â
Riki thinks about it for a second. âKind of. My Korean is okay, but I still have trouble saying certain words. The culture is different, too. I need to get used to that more. I guess Iâm a bit sad that I had to leave my friends and family behind but itâs for the best, isnât it? I wanted this.âÂ
You find yourself nodding in agreement. âYeah. Itâs hard to leave everything you know behind.âÂ
âI cried when I said goodbye to my dance teachers,â Riki admits with a laugh. âI think it was the first time I did that in front of them. We kept bowing to each other until I had to go. Itâll be weird finding a new studio in Seoul but Iâm excited about it.âÂ
âYouâre an incredible dancer, Riki. Thereâs no doubt in my mind that youâll thrive here.âÂ
He tries to hide his blush. âThanks. Iâm happy that I know some people already but itâs not the same, you know?âÂ
âThatâs how I feel about moving to Okayama. I know itâll only be a year, but it feels like Iâll be there for a lifetime.âÂ
âDo you ever get scared that everything back home will change?â Heeseung, too, is curious about your answer.Â
âHonestly? Yeah. Sometimes it feels like everythingâs gonna change completely the second I step on that plane. I feel like everyone will forget me and move on.â
Riki looks back at the water. âI wonder if people back home think of me.âÂ
âThey do.â He looks back at you.
âEveryone here will think about you too.âÂ
A beat passes between the two of you and you start to see Riki for what he is: a smart, sensitive person who disguises himself as somebody who can mask his feelings. What you learn is that your half-brother wears his heart on his sleeve but is careful about who he gives himself too. Itâs something youâve noticed in the time youâve known him, but this trip is starting to make you think you two are more alike than not.Â
âWhat about you, Heeseung?â Riki asks, turning to look at the eldest. âWhat are you gonna be doing now that you graduated?âÂ
âI, uh, start working at a record label pretty soon.â He clears his throat. Knowing youâre looking at him makes this boat feel smaller all of the sudden.Â
âYou majored in music production, right?â Heeseung nods.Â
âYeah. Iâve always had an interest in music so I learned how to produce during freshman year and started taking it seriously.â
âIâll bet your perfect pitch helps you a lot.â Heeseung whips his gaze over to you when you speak and you feel your skin burn. You donât know if you shouldâve contributed to the conversation or not.Â
âSure does,â he says awkwardly, looking at the fishing rod between his legs. Heeseung remains quiet when Riki doesnât prod him further and looks back at the water in front of him. Even in the forced proximity, you still canât figure out why he chooses to be avoidant.Â
Heeseung, on the other hand, finds that thereâs much to contemplate about. His life has barely begun and yet he feels the weight of his future hanging in the balance. Heâs just moved into his first apartment and will need to furnish it when he gets back from the camping trip. Heâs got a mattress with no bed frame and a single loveseat his parents gave him. Aside from his gaming setup, Heeseungâs one bedroom apartment is completely bare.Â
Looking at it makes him worry for his future and being around you. You, someone heâs always assumed had it easy because you were academically gifted, makes Heeseung feel like heâs got to step up his game. He hasnât liked you ever since high school for reasons he justifies as perfectly valid. But high school was years ago and some of his anger has subsided. All thatâs left is a faint annoyance and he'd rather be anywhere than next to you. He only said yes to this trip because of the other people who were going as well.Â
Heâs kept his feelings simmering beneath the surface and chooses to focus on anything but you when he hears you talk. Itâs frustrating enough knowing you share a lot of mutual friends, even worse when some of his best friends are people you consider family. He hates that Jake is comfortable enough to hang out with you without anyone else present and loathes that Sunghoon actively wants to become closer to you after he realized the two of you share the same taste in cinema. He especially despises the fact that Riki looks up to you even though, in Heeseungâs eyes, youâve done nothing to earn it.Â
The young teenager met the eldest of the bunch at a bonfire the third time he came to Korea after your mom had forced you to bring him along. You told him absolutely no alcohol no matter if anyone else was going to be drinking and to say no if your friends offered him a beer. He watched you that night, the way you periodically looked at your half-brother but made a lame attempt to include him in conversation. Riki found fast friends in Sunoo and Jungwon after messing around in the shallow waters of the ocean. Heeseung decided that you didnât deserve that type of respect from Riki at that moment.Â
Itâs been years since then and heâs seen the two of you grow, albeit slowly. Even in his blind hatred for your existence, Heeseung has always wondered why Riki vies for your attention. In fact, what is it about you that makes everybody fawn over you? Why do you always seem to be the center of attention? Does nobody care about what you did to him all those years ago?
It keeps him up at night to know that nobody around him understands why heâs so angry at you. Above the root cause, you have everything you could ever want. You were the smartest girl in high school and university, and it was no question about what your future would look like. Youâd accepted a job opportunity right after graduating and it seemed as though things were merely handed to you without you working that hard for it. You didnât have to ask for anything. It always seemed as though people could read your mind and always gave you what you wanted.Â
Maybe coming to the camping trip was a mistake. Heâs been walking on eggshells around you this entire time and feels like heâs suffocating every time his friends laugh at your jokes. Heeseung bites his tongue when he feels himself getting worked up and finds that nothing can get his mind off of you no matter how hard he tries.Â
He wonders if you remember that day all those years ago. He wonders if you know just how hurtful words can be and how awful it is to be on the receiving end of utter despair and desperation. Heeseung has always known you to be somebody who knows exactly what you want, too. Teenage angst never stopped you from pursuing higher education. It seemed like you threw everything you had into academics and everyone rewarding you for it made Heeseung want to crumble. Nobody else thought of you the way he did.Â
But this is something heâd rather keep to himself. For as much as he refuses to be your friend, he knows nothing good will ever come out of trying to convince everyone you arenât someone who they should be friends with. After all, youâll be working in Okayama and with any luck, youâll make a permanent residence out of Japan.Â
Heeseung is distracted from his thoughts when Riki manages to catch a rather large fish. With your help, heâs able to reel it in and watches the younger boy become awestruck at its sheer size. Heeseung watches you congratulating Riki and celebrates this excitement with him as you put the fish in the bucket for safe keeping. It should warm his heart to see a friend of his so happy, but seeing you smiling next to him makes Heeseung feel all the more irritated. The three of you head back to the dock after another couple of hours and a few more dishes later.
Jungwon catches more fish than you do. All eight of you manage to acquire enough for dinner and breakfast in the morning. Jay and Jake have volunteered to help with cooking while the rest of you prepare side dishes and talk about fishing adventures from your time apart. You smile at the group halfway through the conversation, fondness blooming in your chest when everybody is laughing after having eaten dinner.Â
âGod, I swear I almost fell into the water trying to wrestle with the trout!â Jake shouts amongst the chaotic laughter. âIt felt like I was about to become one with the fish.âÂ
âI almost pushed his ass into the lake,â Jay snorts. âIt was so fucking funny.â
âIâm surprised Sunoo caught the most fish out of all of us.â Jungwon shrugs and bites into his sâmore.Â
âYouâre telling me,â Sunoo replies as he wipes chocolate from his lip. âThatâs my quota for this trip, though. Donât expect me to go fishing again.âÂ
âIâm not ready for this trip to end,â Riki says with a mixed sigh. âWeâve already been here for a couple of days and it feels like time is going by so fast.âÂ
âI start that consulting job the Monday we go back and Iâm excited for it, but Iâm also nervous. It hit me on the way back from the lake.â Jay rubs his face with his hands. âThis adult shit is scary, man.â
âDo you guys remember when we were all freshmen and had that awful orientation leader?â Heeseung asks. Those who were in the same year as him nod. âThat felt like just yesterday and now weâre about to be real adults.â
âJayâs going to become a financial consultant, youâre working at a record label, Sunghoonâs going to open up his own cafe someday, and Iâm about to start a fellowship at a research lab.â Jake shakes his head like he canât believe it. âNot to mention Y/Nâs moving to Japan for work. If you told me four years ago we would talk about the future like this, I wouldâve laughed.âÂ
âIt feels a bit weird knowing we arenât going back to school.â Sunghoon looks at the younger boys and laughs. âWell, sorry to you guys.âÂ
Sunoo speaks up with a pout. âItâll be weird not seeing you guys around campus. Iâll miss running into you on my way to class.âÂ
âSometimes I wish we could stay in college forever.â Jay reaches over and picks out another marshmallow to put on his stick. âIt sucked ass but it was nice living close to you guys.â
âIâm scared to go out there alone.â You tug at the zipper on your jacket and stare at your hands. âI feel like Iâm going to mess everything up and fail. Iâll come home and have nothing to show for myself.âÂ
âCouldnât have said it any better.â Sunghoon finishes off his sâmore and wipes the crumbs off of his lap. âI wish everything was simple and easy. We really had it good back then, didnât we?â
âDonât get too caught up in growing up too fast,â Jake says as he pinches Rikiâs cheeks for dramatic effect. The latter tries to dodge his touch but fails. He points to Jungwon and Sunoo. âYou guys need to make every minute count.â
Jungwon laughs. âYou sound like a Hallmark card.â
âYeah, but one day youâll be saying the same thing. Youâll go back to campus and you wonât see us walking around.â Jungwon remains quiet after that.Â
âYouâll all be fine.â Sunoo nods once and it feels like heâs smiling at everyone individually through the fire. âLife is scary but thereâs a reason why we believe in you.â
Jay nudges Sunoo with his knee. âSince when did you get so wise?â
âYou could learn a thing or two from me.â
The tension dissipates. Everyone finishes up their desserts and helps tidy up the campsite. Jake and Sunghoon put out the fire while the rest of you put the chairs away and throw out any leftover trash in the nearby garbage bin. One by one, the eight of you start to grow sleepier as time ticks by. You all let your younger friends wash up first as you stifle yawns and prepare your makeshift bedding while you wait.Â
It feels like forever to wait with Heeseung close to you. Everybody else bids you goodnight as you brush your teeth in the wash station and rinse your face of dirt and debris from earlier in the day. Heeseung is standing just a few feet away as he waits for you to finish up but knowing heâs watching you makes your heart rate increase. Your hands tremble as you turn the faucet off and itâs just your luck that you trip over yourself and hold onto Heeseung when you turn around to exit the washroom.Â
âWatch where youâre going, Y/N,â Heeseung snaps. He shrugs your hands off of him and pushes you away from his body.Â
âWhat the fuck is your problem with me?â If Heeseung is surprised by your sudden outburst, he doesnât show it. Your typically calm, non-confrontational demeanor is nowhere to be seen.Â
âWhy canât you walk properly?â he mocks.Â
âYou have been so passive aggressive towards me this entire trip. Hell, youâve been that way since we were in high school. What the fuck is your deal and why canât you man up and tell me why you hate me so much?âÂ
His expression sours. âYou have some nerve asking me that.âÂ
âWhy?! You wonât tell me what your deal is and I canât fix it if you donât communicate that with me. We have so many mutual friends who want us to get along and itâs fine if weâll never be friends, but really, Heeseung, youâre acting like a child.âÂ
Heeseungâs nostrils flare and it feels demeaning the way he has to look you down in order to meet your eyes. The twinge in your heart flares when he makes no effort to talk to you further. The tension in his shoulders rises and falls with every second that passes by and youâre starting to wonder if thereâs any way you can leave the trip early.Â
He doesnât say anything, though. Heeseung pulls away from you and enters the washroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the sound of water running. Years of pushing aside your feelings for the greater good of preserving the peace feels like theyâre suffocating you with every step you take as you talk back to your tent. The cold chill of the night bristles through your hair and your watery eyes make you stumble before unzipping your makeshift bedroom.Â
âY/N?â Jungwon asks, half-asleep. He sees you wipe your eyes as you turn away from him and put away your dirty clothes and toiletries. âWhatâs wrong?âÂ
âNothing.âÂ
He pushes himself up and hears the clip in your tone. With his eyes softening, Jungwon gently touches your shoulder and realizes that your eyes are red before you shut your flashlight off. âCome here.âÂ
Itâs somewhere between a command and a plea. Jungwon doesnât force you to speak as he pulls your body into his. He doesnât care that your tears are falling onto his arm and he doesnât mind that youâve settled your weight onto his chest. Your silent hiccups make his heart lurch and the best he can do is let you cling onto him in your time of need.Â
You donât get like this often. The last time he remembers you letting him hold you like this was a few days after your parentsâ divorce had been finalized. The tangerine-shaped pillow you had was the only thing keeping Jungwonâs back from aching as you spent what felt like hours sobbing between his arms, dirtying his shirt with your hot tears. His heart broke back then, too. Heâs not used to seeing you without a smile on your face and every crack in your demeanor lets him know youâre a dam thatâs about to burst.Â
It canât be easy to live knowing your father willingly left and chose to leave you behind. Nearly two decades of saying âI love youâ and championing his only daughter to be the best version of herself felt like it was all for naught the night he told you he wouldnât be living with you anymore. You could barely stand watching him pack his belongings and take everything valuable with him. You were unusually quiet during this period of time, too scared to make a sound and make things worse than they already were.Â
Jungwon knows you keep your heart locked away in a cage these days. Your friends know you like the back of their hands but itâs been getting harder and harder to coax you out of your shell. He knows it hasnât been easy with Heeseung within your main friend group and wishes he could do more to quell your anxieties about spending time with him, even if your other friends are there to shield you from his silent torment.Â
Your best friend softens a bit when you cling onto his arm, holding him like heâs your lifeline. He pushes his fingers through your hair the way heâs seen your mom do countless times and rocks your body back and forth until youâve started to calm down. He hears your shallow breaths and holds onto you for the fear that youâll think he doesnât want to comfort you if he lets you go.Â
âSorry.â Your voice is brittle and it makes his heart break.Â
âYou never have to be sorry, Bug. Are you okay?â You shake your head. âIs it something one of us did?â You nod. âWas it Heeseung?â He hates that you start to tear up again. âIâm sorry, Bug. Iâm so sorry.â
âI donât understand why he doesnât like me,â you hiccup. âI donât know what I did. How can I apologize when I donât know what Iâve done?âÂ
Jungwon sighs. Heâs with you on this one. âYouâre right. I donât know whatâs gotten into him recently but Iâm fed up with it too.âÂ
âWe donât need to be friends but I want him to stop pretending like I ruined his life.â Your best friend nods against you and pushes his cheek against the crown of your head. âSorry that I woke you up. I feel like a mess.â
âYouâre not a mess, Bug. Youâve been tied together with a smile for so long. Itâs only natural that you break down every once in a while.â
âYouâre very smart, Wonnie.âÂ
He laughs. âI know. Do you want to cry some more or go to sleep?â Jungwonâs tone lacks any humor tonight. Heâs concerned about you in a way that makes you feel like a porcelain doll and while you appreciate it when he pokes fun at you to show how comfortable he is with you, this feels just as nice.Â
âIâm ready to sleep.âÂ
You pull away from him and settle in your sleeping bag, welcoming the calmness that washes over you. Jungwon chooses to stay up just a smidge longer until heâs certain that youâre asleep before he closes his eyes, wishing for better days ahead of you.
***
The trees always seemed taller when you were younger. They stretched for miles and touched the sky from your point of view, almost as if they could reach the heavens above. You always wondered what it must be like to have lived as long as nature around you. The leaves and branches see all walks of life, from humans to animals, and keep many secrets hidden underneath its shaded areas. It almost feels like they whisper stories back to you when the wind shakes the weakest branches. You always try to listen.Â
When you find yourself hiking on another path around the lake, it becomes easier for you to clear your mind and think about all that lies before you. The sounds of birds chirping amongst the blue sky make the environment around you seem picturesque. In all of your ears camping here, you donât think youâve ever appreciated it the way you are at this very moment.Â
Your friends are scattered in front and behind you, each of them wrapped up in their own conversations. You can feel Jungwon look at you periodically but you silently let him know that youâre doing alright. He worries about you a lot and he has every reason to. Sometimes, you wonder if any part of you is holding him back because he spends so much time looking after you. It used to be the other way around with you watching after him at playgrounds and on your walk home from school. But with your father leaving as soon as you started trying to figure out who you were, it was like a switch had flipped.Â
Your best friend has had a few girlfriends here and there but none of them ever lasted long. He reminds you that heâs young and isnât looking for a life partner at this stage in his life, but you know he worries about you ever since the news of your dad leaving and Riki entering your life turned your world upside down. You wonder if youâre causing him too much stress.Â
He always reminds you that youâre the reason he has so many people that he loves. You introduced him to the majority of your friends on this camping trip. You were the one who introduced him to his first girlfriend and why he finds so much hope in all of the small things. Jungwon admires your resilience and ability to stand on your feet after youâve been knocked to the ground by an unseen force. Your tenacity pushes him to be a better person towards others and to himself, and heâll remind you every chance he gets. Jungwon believes that youâre okay for now. You know heâll be there to pick up the pieces if you need him to.
It brings you back to your future and how Jungwon wonât be physically present when you move to Japan. Youâve spent so much time with him and it made you happy when he was accepted into his bachelor program at your university. The two of you have always been close, whether it was because neither of you had siblings and found solace in each another or because of forced proximity from being neighbors, you donât know. It feels like youâll be saying goodbye to somebody who youâve always leaned on. It feels like youâre leaving him the way your dad left you.Â
Dealing with the overwhelming guilt of moving to Okayama, the city your father moved to when he left you and your mom, digs a hole deep inside of your chest every time you think about it. Itâs probably why you push off discussions about moving whenever you can and change the subject when other people bring it up. You try not to get too irritated whenever your mom talks to you about packing and everything else thatâs important when settling in a new country, like a work visa or financial burdens. But every conversation with her about your eventual move feels like a million needles are slowly pricking your skin. Every step feels heavier than the next.Â
Thereâs Heeseung, too, who has been plaguing your mind ever since you awoke. Itâs not unlike him to be cold towards you. In fact, youâve dealt with tuning him out and learned to ignore his quiet scoffs, paying attention to anyone who would give you some of their attention. The accumulation of life stress and the inevitable move has made it so your heart rate canât seem to be still at any time in the day. Heeseung doesnât make it any better by snapping at you for treading carefully. This feeling reminds you of the time you tiptoed around your father when you found out about his infidelity being the reason why he chose to leave you and your mother for Okayama. It feels like anticipating a bomb going off. Itâs never a matter of if, but when.Â
You donât remember when things changed but you remember it was abrupt and unannounced. One day, the two of you were laughing with bologna sandwiches for lunch and the next, Heeseung was ignoring you like the two of you had never been friends. His stare was just as cold as his tone when speaking. You could never catch his eye when you were with your group of friends and he refused to be alone with you. The hurt that came with his actions felt like a punch in the gut with all you were dealing with back home.Â
The reason why it was easy to tune out his friendship was purely because of prioritization. Dealing with empty rooms and the house feeling like a ghost was haunting the walls was by far a greater sadness than losing a friend. But even so, seeing Heeseung laugh with your friends and watching him excel in everything you used to support him in made you feel like you were being left behind. It hurt to attend his basketball games because he no longer looked for your eyes in the stands. He didnât acknowledge you when your group of friends would head to the nearby diner for a celebratory meal, and he didnât call you to say goodnight and to thank you for coming to his games and open practices anymore.Â
The ghost of your friendship lingered over you like an unwanted guest. It followed you into university after you committed to the same one and it seemed like neither of you could escape one another. Seeing him live a life that you werenât a part of made your reality sink inâthe few years he spent distancing himself from you wasnât merely a fluke or teenage angst. Heeseung wanted nothing to do with you. You had to learn how to be okay with that.Â
Still, you wish you were as tall as the trees around you. Maybe then Heeseung would tell you why he didnât like you anymore.Â
âY/N, watch out!âÂ
The warning nearly comes too late. You donât register a hissing sound until you see a reflection of scales and stumble backwards into somebody who seems to be caught off guard as much as you are. Jakeâs warning saved you from a nasty bite from a snake that has slithered away back between the trees but your heart stammers in your chest as you curl yourself further deeper into the person behind you.Â
You hate snakes. Youâre petrified of themÂ
Heeseung, to his misfortune, is the person youâve bumped into. He saw the snake just before Jake said his warning and felt his body freeze in the way yours didnât. He didnât have time to move aside and let Sunoo, who he was talking to, move to grab your body and pull you out of harmâs way. He feels your beating chest against his and looks down at you. Heeseung doesnât think heâs ever seen you like this before. It makes his stomach fall.Â
âY/N is really scared of snakes,â Jungwon says as he walks up to the two of you, offering a quick explanation before Heeseung could say anything about you clinging onto him. âShe got bit by one as a kid and it scared her pretty bad.â Heeseung doesnât push you away. Instead, he lets Jungwon pry you off of his body until youâre able to blink and come to your senses.Â
âSorry.â You throw an apology his way when Jungwon rubs your back. The rest of your friends, who seem to know about your fear, try to give you some space instead of crowding around you. A part of him wants to scoff. The other part of him feels bad for you. It almost makes him feel guilty for being so short with you last night.
âWeâre almost at the end of the trail anyway,â Jungwon says. âLetâs finish it and get some lunch.âÂ
When you all arrive back at the campsite, Jake pulls your water bottle out of your backpack and stands with you while Jungwon lets you stand right beside him in an attempt to calm yourself down. Jay and Sunghoon, not wanting to impede and make things uncomfortable, decide to go on another short hike and let you rest. The sight is a bit unnerving for Heeseung, who has generally only ever thought of you as this self righteous, confident person, to see you in such a state of shock that you could barely look him in the eye like you did the night before. Heâs used to you avoiding and ignoring him but he isnât accustomed to you scurrying away from anything or anyone.Â
Heâs a bit confused as to why he feels a little guilty for how he spoke to you last night. You were his friend before he decided you werenât and that feeling of concern is starting to creep back in. Heeseung watches the way you flinch when Jake tries to rub your shoulder and how Jungwon is the only person who seems to know how to get you to relax after the snake incident.Â
âIs she really that scared of snakes?â Heeseung asks Sunoo, who stands away from you to give you space. He pretends to be busy picking at his nails to let you have peace and not make you feel overcrowded with two of your friends already by your side.Â
âIf I tell you, are you going to use that against her?â Sunoo doesnât typically question Heeseung like this. It startles him but he shakes his head anyway.Â
âNo,â says Heeseung. âIâm not. Iâve never seen her act like that.â
Sunoo must think the elder is telling the truth. âWhen Y/N was very young, a snake bit her ankle when her parents werenât looking. She got scared and tripped over a rock or something, and her entire leg started to bleed and got a pretty bad gash from it. They rushed her to the emergency room and panicked because her leg was covered in blood.â
âThatâs it?â
Sunoo glares at Heeseung. âIt might not seem like a big deal to you, but that kind of stuff leaves an impression on you when youâre a kid, Heeseung. Sheâs been pretty terrified of snakes and blood ever since.âÂ
âHuh. I never knew that.â
âDonât go barking up that tree. Itâs bad enough that you hate her for no good reason.âÂ
Heeseung looks at Sunoo quizzically when he hears his friendâs harsh tone. âWhatâs the matter with you?âÂ
Sunoo scoffs. âMe? Whatâs the matter with you? I heard you and Y/N last night. You were an ass to her. Sheâs right, too. How can she apologize for hurting you if you never talk about what she did?Â
âSunooââ
âSave it, Heeseung.â He straightens his posture. âYouâre my friend and I love you, but youâve been really harsh on Y/N for the past few years. I thought the two of you drifted apart but you clearly have a vendetta against her.â
âI do not have a vendetta against Y/N.â Â
âSure. Whatever you say. Just remember that Y/Nâs the reason why youâre on this trip. One veto from her and Jungwon wouldâve kicked your ass to the curb. Youâre lucky she doesnât say this shit to anyone.âÂ
Heeseung looks at his shoes, feeling the heat in his body creep up his neck. He knows Sunooâs somewhat right. Youâre half the reason why this trip exists at all. Even if Jungwon brought the friend group along, itâs you who this campaign tradition belongs to as well. Heeseung bites his tongue and tries his best not to argue with Sunoo. Deep down, the elder knows that heâs been a bit harsh to you and sometimes finds himself regretting the venom he aims directly at you. But then he remembers that incident from all those years ago and feels his anger bubble up inside of him. He pulls his friend away so that none of you hear him.Â
âI have a reason not to like her okay?â Heeseung whispers through his teeth.Â
âWhat reason could you possibly have that justifies how shitty youâve been?â
Heeseung looks around like heâs afraid someoneâs listening in. âSecond semester, sophomore year of high school. You and Jake were with me doing homework right outside the front gate. We were waiting for my brother to pick us up from school when Y/N told Kim Chaewon that I would never amount to anything because I didnât have any talent and had to flirt with girls to get them to listen to my music.â
Sunoo looks at Heeseung like heâs sprouted a second head, who looks at the younger boy like heâs waiting for confirmation or validation of sorts with his eyebrows raised as if expecting a certain outcome. Instead, Sunoo slaps him on the back of his head with his palm and scowls.Â
âYou are so stupid, Heeseung.â
âWhat the fuck did I do?!â Heeseung soothes the spot where Sunoo hit him. âIt was messed up for her to say that. Why are you calling me stupid?â
âY/N didnât say that about you. Chaewon did.âÂ
Heeseungâs eyes grow comically wide. âI know what I heard.âÂ
âNo, you donât. I remember the moment youâre talking about. You left so fast and didnât stop when Jake and I called out for you. Chaewon couldn't get another word out because Y/N tore her a new one. Why do you think they arenât friends anymore?âÂ
âWellâŚBecause Y/N said that about me. Chaewon was my friend, too.âÂ
Sunoo shakes his head. âChaewon said that about you. Not Y/N.â
âThatâs not possibleâŚâ
âHow would you know? You werenât there. You left before you could hear the full argument.âÂ
âSunoo,â Heeseung says, voice quivering from a mixture of guilt and embarrassment. âPlease tell me thatâs not true.âÂ
âDo you know how stupid you look knowing you blew off Y/N, the person who defended you, and still talked to Chaewon?â Sunoo shakes his head at Heeseung. âYou ended your longest friendship over a misunderstanding and then got closer with the person who actually said those things about you. Imagine how Y/N mustâve felt.âÂ
Heeseungâs mind starts to recount the days after your argument with Chaewon and how heâd gone out of his way to ignore you in the aftermath. He never gave you an explanation about his absence and why he pulled away, citing that incident as the reason why you didnât deserve to know in the first place. He thinks about Chaewon and how he didnât think twice about it because his mind had already been made up. He was still friends with Chaewon, taking pictures with her at parties and talking to her whenever their friend groups hung out together. Not once did he spare a glance to you.Â
As his mind starts to wander into nostalgic territory, Heeseung feels his stomach plummet. The sudden urge to rectify his actions overwhelms him and heâs fighting tooth and nail not to cry on the spot.Â
When he looks at you now, quiet and hidden within your shared friends, Heeseung canât help but feel a bit guilty. He suddenly remembers the few moments where you showed a vulnerable side of yourself and allowed him to see you cry after a bad grade or when your middle school friends were being mean towards you. Heeseung recalls all the times heâs ever thought of you as somebody who puts on a brave face and stands back up after feeling the weight of the world crush you to the ground. He thinks about all of the times heâs ever made you feel insignificant to him and feels pins and needles in his footsteps. Heeseung finds himself walking towards you as heâs contemplating his feelings and Jungwon guards you, pushing you behind him.Â
âHey,â Heeseung says awkwardly. He tries to peek at you but doesnât like seeing you look so helpless. Pathetically, he offers a meek apology. âSorry about the snake.âÂ
âItâs fine. Sorry I grabbed you.â For the first time in a long time, Heeseung doesnât feel annoyed by the thought of you latching onto him.Â
âItâs okay. I, uhâŚwanted to know if you were fine.â Heeseung clears his throat. âIs there anything I can do?â His unfamiliar kindness confuses you and it confuses Jungwon too.
âYou know, maybe it would be a good idea if you left the campsite for a while,â Jake suggests from beside Heeseung. âYouâre a bit shaken up and you could probably use a change of scenery.âÂ
âThatâs not a bad idea, actually,â Jungwon agrees. âYou could leave for a few hours and come back once youâve calmed down, Bug.âÂ
You pick at your fingernails. âI feel so stupid for being so scared.â
âItâs not stupid, Y/N.â Jake tilts his head and looks at you with a pout. âItâs something youâre scared of and with good reason. I wouldâve been scared shitless if it was closer to me.â
âYou could go into town and get some ice cream,â says Jungwon. âYou should go to the beach by the highway for a little bit and get your mind off of it.âÂ
âI-I donât really want to go alone.â
Heeseung speaks before he can even think about what heâs saying.
âIâll go with you.â Jungwon and Jake whip their head to their friend.Â
âHeeseungââ
âI can drive us,â he says, mouth moving faster than his brain. âI wonât say anything, I swear. Iâll take her to the beach and ice cream if she wants to.âÂ
Jungwon hesitantly looks at Heeseung. âAreâŚAre you sure?âÂ
âYeah.â He lies straight through his teeth. He doesnât know if he can sit with you when his whole life has been turned upside down. But itâs too late to backtrack. âIâve been feeling a little restless here anyway.âÂ
âI donât knowâŚâ
âJay isnât here and he has his keys.â Jake looks at you and nudges your shoulder. âWhat do you want to do, Y/N?âÂ
You look up at Heeseung for the first time and he sucks in a breath. Itâs like youâre devoid of yourself, fear and anxiety clouding your eyes like youâre petrified to even speak. He watches you lick your lips slowly as if contemplating carefully. âI want to go.â
âBug, you donât have to.â
âI know, Wonnie.â You touch his arm and he relents. âI think I need to leave for a little bit and calm down. I should walk on the beach, or something.â
âI can come with you guys.â Riki, who has been silent during this ordeal, speaks up and appears to the other side of Heeseung. âI saw the beach just before we got here. It looks pretty.âÂ
âThatâs a good idea,â Jake nods, looking at you. He softens his tone. âWould that be alright with you?âÂ
You hum .âMhm. Yeah, thatâs fine. Let me get my wallet.âÂ
When you leave for your tent, Jungwon looks at Heeseung and stares at him with an expression he canât read. The silence is deafening and he awkwardly coughs, looking away from his younger friend.Â
âDonât fuck this up,â says Jungwon with a clipped tone. âYouâve been a dipshit and sheâs been putting up with it for the sake of everybody else. The last thing she needs is for you to make fun of her and make her feel even worse than she already does.âÂ
âI wonât, Jungwon. I swear.âÂ
âIâm choosing to trust you because youâre my friend too, despite everything you feel towards Y/N.â He nods at Riki. âYou, keep an eye out for them.â
âI wonât do or say anything,â Heeseung promises for a second time. You come back a moment later, oblivious to the tension.Â
âBe safe, yeah?â Heeseung hears the change in Jungwonâs tone when talking to you. âCall me if you need anything. Your phoneâs charged from the portable, right?â
âYeah.â You hold up your phone to show him. âIâll let you know when weâre coming back.âÂ
The beach itself is nestled towards the end of the highway where the sand meets the trees. The small shops around it bring a sense of nostalgia, especially when Heeseung parks in front of a large, tattered orange sign that says âICE CREAM SOLD HERE.â The three of you walk inside and Heeseung watches you look over the flavors.Â
âThey change the flavors all the time based on the season,â you say absentmindedly. The three of you are the only customers and he figures the employee must be in the back.Â
Itâs a bit strange to be spending time with you apart from everybody else. Even though Rikiâs accompanying the two of you, he hasn't been alone with you like this in years. You seem to be doing a little better with distance put between you and the campsite. Heeseung hopes the drive wasnât too terrible. His knuckles turned white with the grip he had on the steering wheel, too afraid to look into the rearview mirror for the fear of catching your eye. He wonders if youâd be able to read his mind in the way you once did.Â
You make small talk with the owner of the shop who recognizes you before ordering. Riki and Heeseung follow too, the youngest trying a few flavors before settling on one. You go to pay for your own until Riki pulls out his wallet and pays for the both of you. Heeseung watches the two of you argue before the owner accepts Rikiâs card. Heâs pulled out of his thoughts before paying for his own cup.Â
The beach is right next door and the three of you leave your shoes inside Heeseungâs trunk before stepping onto the warm sand. The sunâs high in the sky and Heeseungâs grateful that he chose to put on extra sunblock before leaving his tent. Riki follows you towards the water. He chooses to stay behind and give you both space even though his heart is telling him not to.Â
Heeseung has always believed in telling the truth because itâll always see the light at the end of the day. Heâs a fan of honesty and itâs something he values in all of his friends. He thought heâd found that in you ever since the day the two of you started becoming friends and felt his world shatter around him when he thought you were making fun of his aspirations to become a music producer. Youâd spent countless hours in his bedroom with him as he learned how to use proper equipment and went so far as to buy him a few things here and there disguised as birthday and Christmas gifts. You spent so much time listening to him grow as a musician in the comfort of his bedroom. The thought that you were pretending to care about him made Heeseung feel sick to his stomach. It wasn't hard for him to cut you off when he thought you betrayed him.
But now, life feels like itâs at a stand still. You stand before him and Heeseungâs throat closes up like heâs lost the ability to breathe. You might not even know that youâre the reason for his inner turmoil. You probably donât care. Why would you when heâs pushed you so far from armâs length? Heeseung sighs to himself and replays every single interaction heâs ever had with you after deciding to cut you out of his life. The guilt piles up on him before he can stop it from stacking until it eventually makes his skin feel like itâs been set on fire. Heâll have to sit with the fact that heâs made you out to be a cruel, terrible friend instead of the person who would defend him to hell and back.
What must you think of him now? For a long time, it took Heeseung great strength to push you into the far corners of his mind and stop seeking you out whenever you were near him. He trained himself to look away from you, the weight of your alleged words playing in the back of his mind whenever he felt the urge to talk to you like old times. Heeseung stopped communicating with you altogether, unfollowing you on all of your social media and physically removing you out of his life so he wouldnât have to see your face when he least expected it.Â
But now it feels like the last six years of his life have been a lie. Heâs been living in his own world, wrapped up in a delusion that only he was able to clearly see. The memory was too painful to say out loud let alone tell a soul. Heeseung kept his heart guarded and offered a brief explanation whenever your mutual friends asked why the two of you werenât close anymore and heâd shut you down if you tried to talk to him until your efforts ceased.Â
When he looks at you now, all he feels is regret.Â
Riki walks back towards Heeseung, whoâs perched on a bench right on the sand. His ice cream is discarded in the nearby trash can and Riki eats whateverâs left in his cup before tossing it away. The two of them sit in silence. Riki basks in the salt air and relishes in the sound of birds chirping and waves crashing onto the shore. Heeseung can only hear his heart beating in his ears.Â
âSheâs doing okay,â Riki says, breaking the silence. âI think her shock and adrenaline are wearing off.âÂ
âGood,â Heeseung nods. âThatâs really good.âÂ
âI could tell she wanted to be left alone after a little while. I hope sheâll be fine when we go back.âÂ
âIâm sure she will be.âÂ
Riki nods and looks back at you. âHave you ever seen her get like that?âÂ
âMaybe once or twice. We stopped being close in high school.âÂ
âOh, yeah. Right.âÂ
âBut she always bounced back,â Heeseung adds quickly. âLike you said, sheâll be fine.â
âI didnât even know she was scared of snakes.âÂ
Heeseung laughs. âMe either.â The silence permeates until Heeseung speaks again. âCan I ask you a question?âÂ
âSince when have you ever asked me if you could ask me something?âÂ
âFair point.â Heeseung rubs his palms against his thighs. âI donât really know where to start.â
âThe beginning is usually the best place.âÂ
âYou know how I feel about Y/N. How I felt about her. I told you so many times to stop expecting people to treat you the way you want to be treated if they didnât put in the effort to make you feel welcomed.â Heeseung looks at the younger boy. âWhy did you keep defending?âÂ
âAre you asking me because youâre worried about Y/N or because you have some weird thing with her?âÂ
âIâm asking because Iâm starting to think I was wrong about her.â Riki must think Heeseung is telling the truth because he nods after a moment.Â
âHow much do you know about Y/Nâs family life?â
âI know she has a mom and that Jungwonâs parents are like her own. I also know her parents got divorced and that her dad left just before she graduated high school.âÂ
âRight.â Riki coughs nervously. âHow much do you know about our relationship?âÂ
âYou two are half-siblings.âÂ
âThatâs all?âÂ
Heeseung shrugs. âI never questioned it.âÂ
âOkay, yeah. That makes sense.â Riki looks down at his lap like heâs trying to figure out what to say. âI donât really know if this is my place to say it but I want you to know so you can stop thinking Y/Nâs the Devil.âÂ
âI donât think sheâs the Devil.âÂ
Riki chuckles. âSure. To put it simply, she's my half-sister because her dad cheated on her mom with mine. Heâd go on business trips to Japan a few times a year and they hit it off after they met. One thing led to another and they started meeting up whenever he was back in town.Â
âThey had me a year after they first started their affair and I guess he was able to keep his life in Japan a secret until Y/N found pictures on her dadâs laptop. She saw pictures of us on vacations when her dad was supposed to be on work trips. I think she told her mom about it and thatâs around the time I found out he had another family too.âÂ
âWhat was going through your head back then?âÂ
âWell, my mom told me my dad had to live in Korea for work. I believed it until I was seven, maybe? Iâd always ask her questions as I got older but she either brushed me off or told me things that didnât add up. Heâd come more frequently the older I got. We didnât talk on the phone much when he was over in Korea, though, so seeing him in person used to be extra special.Â
âThen I found out that he had an affair because he came to live with us full time when I was twelve. My mom told me everything when he moved in and I felt like my entire life was a lie. I couldnât look at either of them the same.âÂ
âWowâŚI canât imagine going through that.â Heeseungâs words hang in the air.Â
âYeah. It was hard. I hated Y/N for a while. I hated that she got to see my dad more than I did when I found out. My friends used to make fun of me because he wasnât around for my dance competitions and showcases. I always defended him and said he was working in Korea to make a better life for us. Itâs what I believed at the time.âÂ
âAnd your mom let you believe all of that?â
Riki shrugs. âI guess so. She hated Y/N and her mom. She always talked down on them when my dad moved in and I felt that my anger was justified too. My mom hated the fact that my dad still wanted to keep Y/N in his life and wouldnât fully abandon her the way he did hid with his ex-wife. Some of his paycheck would go towards Y/Nâs college fund and my mom tried everything in her power to stop him from giving her money but he gave her an ultimatum, so she stopped complaining.Â
âHe took me to Korea once. I was fourteen, I think. I met my dadâs parents and we stayed with them for a while. I donât know why he took me there since I could barely speak the language but he said he wanted me to get to know where he grew up and integrate myself in the culture since he was trying to be a present father. That was the first time I met Y/N. I had my mind made up and decided I hated her the first time I saw her. She couldnât have been older than seventeen. I hated that she looked just like me.Â
âWhen we met for the first time, we didnât really get along. Both of us didnât talk and our dad tried so hard to form a bond between us but it didnât work. I didnât want anything to do with her because all I could think about was how she got to spend so much time with him while I only got to see him for a week or so a few times a year.âÂ
âWhat made you change your mind?â Heeseung asks.Â
âWhen we got back to Japan, my mom kept saying all of these mean things about Y/N and her family,â Riki continues. âI wasnât her biggest fan but the stuff she was saying was cruel and untrue. I knew it was pure jealousy and realized that my mom helped break up a perfectly good family. I mean, I knew it was my dadâs fault for cheating on his wife and leaving Y/N also, but coming to that realization made me think about how Y/N mustâve felt when she found out.â
âWowâŚI didnât know any of this.â
âAs far as I can tell, Jungwonâs the only person sheâs told.â Riki sighs and pushes his fingers through his hair. âAnyway, at that point, neither one of us cared to keep the relationship going. I didnât call her and she didnât call me. But the more my parents started living their lives like they hadnât made two people fall apart, the more I started to feel sorry for Y/N. I canât imagine finding out your dad cheated on your mom and then willingly left you for another family. Our dad brought me back to Korea a few times after that for winter and summer breaks to stay with his parents. He said he wanted me to experience life abroad. Heâd bring me to family events and I always felt so out of place.â
âWait, seriously?â Heeseung asks in disbelief.Â
âYeah, if you can believe it. I felt so guilty coming to these things. It was actually Y/Nâs mom who told her to start being more open to me. I canât explain how awful I felt when I realized she was making an effort to include me even though I was someone from her ex-husbandâs affair. When my dad was trying to get back in everyoneâs good graces, Y/Nâs mom was making sure I had enough food and water.
âI slowly started to realize that Y/N was hurting too. She had everything I wanted but it felt like I was the one who took that away from her. I thought, maybe if my mom wasnât pregnant with me, her dad wouldâve never continued the affair and she wouldâve never found out he cheated.â
âThatâs why you defend her, isnât it? Even when I thought she was being unfair?âÂ
Riki laughs. âYeah, man. Iâve known about her longer than sheâs known me and Iâve known about the affair longer than she has. Iâve had more time to get used to it. I donât blame her for pushing me away. If I found out I had a half-sibling because my dad cheated on my mom, I think Iâd react the same way.â Heeseungâs heart feels much heavier than it did prior to this conversation. âWeâve been getting better. She texts me first every now and then and she keeps up with my dancing stuff. Itâs not like weâre total strangers anymore. I mean, she likes me enough to let me be friends with you guys. Itâll just take some time.â
âDo you want her to be in your life? And do you want to be in hers?âÂ
Heeseung watches Riki nod without a second doubt. âAbsolutely. I love Y/N now. Sheâs my sister even if she only thinks of me as her half-brother. I know weâve had it rough in the past but she looks out for me. Y/Nâs smart and confident in all the ways I wish I could be. I love listening to her talk and I love learning new things about her. I always wished for a sibling and even though this isnât how I imagined it going, Iâm happy.âÂ
The two of them sit in another round of silence. Heeseung does his best to process everything Riki has just told him but it feels like thereâs too much information for him to digest all at once. He never knew any of this about you, too caught up in his own feelings about the misunderstanding. While he was giving you the cold shoulder, you were crumbling apart because your dad left for another family. If he knew any of this back then, Heeseung thinks he would be sympathetic. But he canât turn back the clock. He watches you stand by the water with your empty ice cream up in your hands and wonders what youâre thinking about.Â
âWait,â Heeseung says, cutting the silence for the umpteenth time. âYouâre from Okayama.â Riki nods. âYouâve lived in Okayama until you moved here.âÂ
âYeah, thatâs right.âÂ
âAnd Y/Nâs moving to Okayama for work.â Riki nods solemnly. âYouâre telling me Y/Nâs moving to the city your dad moved to when he left her?â The younger boy nods again. âShit.â
âWith everything going on in her life, I donât expect her to have it all figured out. Sure, it hurt when she didnât want to spend time with me but I donât think I can really be mad at her when this is how her life is. Okayama is a big city but the world is pretty small.â
âThatâs fucked up. Thatâs really, really fucked up.âÂ
âIâm pretty sure sheâs scared about running into our dad. Lord knows I came to study in Korea because I didnât want to be around him anymore,â Riki scoffs. âI know that I have my own shit to deal with and that Iâll probably need to find a therapist when I start school but for now, Iâll focus on Y/N. Iâm happy she let me come on this trip because I know how much camping with Jungwon means to her. I can somewhat empathize with her about moving to a place that didnât feel like home because of your dad.âÂ
Heeseung looks at Riki and doesnât expect him to look as tranquil as he does, but he looks at you like youâre the person giving him this grace and maturity. âFuck, Riki. Iâm really sorry that you had to deal with this. Do the other guys besides Jungwon know?â
âNot as much as you do, they just know something happened with my parents and thatâs why I donât want to go back to Okayama. I donât think Y/Nâs told anybody else, so please donât tell her you know.â
âI wonât,â Heeseung promises. âI swear on it.âÂ
âGood. I trust you and youâve been a good friend to me.âÂ
âSorry for giving you a hard time about her too.âÂ
âItâs fine now. JustâŚpromise me you wonât be so harsh on her. Sheâs been through a lot and I can tell sheâs really not happy about the move even though the job opportunity is really good for her career.âÂ
âOf course.âÂ
You walk back towards them and the two boys stand up and pretend as if they werenât speaking in depth about you. Heeseung, for the first time, smiles at you without restraint and it makes you feel confused as you shake off the sand and head back into his car.Â
On the entire drive back to the campsite, Heeseung lets Riki control the music and thinks about their previous conversation. He had no idea this is what you were dealing with and always thought you stopped talking to him because you didnât think it was worth being friends either. He doesnât remember much about the last few years of high school, apart from avoiding you when you were around, but now he wishes he wouldâve paid more attention. Even though whatâs past is past, Heeseung wishes he could turn back time and stop himself from making a false assumption.Â
He parks the car sooner than he realizes and Riki hands Heeseung back his phone. You step out of the car and look far better than you did before the impromptu trip. Heeseung canât help but jog after you.Â
âHey,â he calls out. Youâre pulled out of your thoughts when you hear his voice and look at him, perplexed. âAre you feeling better now?âÂ
âUm, yeah.â You look at Heeseung like you donât know what he wants from you and heâs starting to hate that heâs made you feel this way for so long.Â
âGood. Thatâs good.â Heeseung clears his throat. âI, uh, wanted to apologize for what I said to you last night. That was out of line. Iâm really sorry.â The gears turn in your head and he can see you processing his apology slowly.Â
âYeah, well, if you have a problem with me then you should either tell me why or leave me alone.â Your words lack any venom like they did last night but theyâre replaced with something more raw and callous. He almost wishes you would yell at him.Â
âI know.â He really does. âBut I really am sorry. For everything.â Heeseung canât find the words to elaborate how he feels, not when he sees your shared friends in front of him.Â
You look at him and he feels like you might as well be looking into his soul. Without another word, you leave him with his thoughts and rejoin the rest of the group.Â
***
Itâs nearing the end of the trip and Heeseung feels like he needs to get you alone to apologize for a million things. Guilt courses through his body when heâs awake and it only ceases when heâs asleep. He does his best to keep a straight face when heâs around everybody else and heâs sure theyâre all picking up on the fact that he hasnât been avoiding you like he did when you all first arrived.Â
But itâs hard to get you alone. He knows you likely wouldnât hear him out if he asked you to talk. Even so, he doesnât know if he knows everything he wants to say. Heeseung is sure everyone else will want to know why he asked to talk to you and make a big deal out of it too, but he canât say he blames them when heâs the one who has put so much tension between the two of you. Being nicer towards you with intention is not normal for Heeseung. He wishes that werenât the case.Â
Itâs a warm day outside and everybodyâs agreed to go kayaking in the lake. The water is calm and there are a few families and groups whoâve decided to do the same thing. Everybody fastens life vests and hops into their own kayak before setting out on the water.Â
Heeseung wants to enjoy being out on the water but his mind keeps coming back to you. He wonders deeply about the past he shares with you and what wouldâve been if he hadnât made those assumptions all those years ago. He knows heâs always been a bit too prideful for his own good, putting himself above the opinions of others without thinking twice. Heâs got tough skin and likes that heâs developed a sense of confidence and identity, especially because he wants to pursue a career in music, but now he wonders if heâs too confident.Â
The reason why your words hurt more than heâd care to admit is because he harbored a pathetic crush on you ever since you wrote him a letter for his thirteenth birthday. Heâd just gotten the hang of making music on GarageBand and by the time his birthday rolled around, Heeseung wanted to show some of his friends what heâd been learning after school. October came quickly and he invited his closest friends to his house for some cake and to jump in the large bouncy house his parents rented for him. The warm afternoon is forever etched into his memory because everyone Heeseung cared about in his first year being a teenager was there to support the beginning of his music interest.Â
Heeseung remembers the gift he unwrapped from you and your parents. It was a CD of his favorite album and one of those plastic statues with an award title etched into the base. It read âBEST MUSIC PRODUCERâ on it and Heeseung thought it was the best gift he received that year. What made that warm afternoon even more special was when you pulled him aside to give him a handwritten note. He remembers your shy voice telling him not to open it until everybody was gone and said you wanted to give the letter to him in private when nobody else was looking because your parents didnât know youâd done this. He kept that card on his desk until everybody left, promising to read it as soon as he was alone.Â
You wrote to his yearning heart, the side of him that wanted to make music so badly that heâd sit in his room until the late hour with a lamp shining over his desk to write songs until his hand hurt from holding his pen. Heeseung would hunch over his desk during school and scribble down lyrics in the margins of his assignments. It always felt like he was the only person who felt this way most times and felt like his peers couldnât understand why he loved making music so much. Reading your letter made Heeseung feel less alone, as if you were always watching over him and seeing his passion when he thought nobody else could.Â
That note alone solidified his blooming crush and suddenly, every love song he wrote was dedicated to you. Details about you were weaved into his songsâthe sound you made when you laughed, the stickers you used to collect, and the number on your childhood homeâit all became important to him. It was almost like Heeseung could talk to you through his music without saying a single word. He could let his songs do the talking for him.Â
Of course, thinking you were the one who said he didnât have any real talent made his hopes and dreams shatter into a million pieces. He always felt like your champion and that pursuing his passion wasnât so scary if he had you by his side. The world felt like it was crashing all around him to the point where he considered giving up on making music altogether. For that, he would never forgive you. But itâs different now. Heeseung knows youâre not to blame. The culpability doesnât lie on your shoulders, even if thatâs what Heeseung thought for all these years.Â
Heeseung roams around the lake in silence, letting the birds chirp uninterrupted. The sound of his boat sailing against the water beneath him does something to soothe his aching heart for the time being. He sees you not too far ahead with Sunghoon a bit behind you when he sees you reach for the paddle that fell from your grip. His heart stops when your kayak tips over when you've reached too far.Â
He wastes no time and rows his boat with all his might after hearing your yelp. His arms burn as he pushes through the water but before he can get any closer to you, Sunghoon has jumped out of his kayak to help you back to the surface. Heâs able to drag you to the shore nearby and takes off your life jacket when the two of you are sitting on the edge of dry land. Heeseung manages to haul your kayak and paddle while Jay, who also saw the incident, grabs Sunghoonâs. The two of them wordlessly make their way to you and Sunghoon.
Heeseung sees and hears you coughing but heâs also aware of the fact that youâre situated between Sunghoonâs arms. Heâs got you securely wrapped between him as you regain your breath. Itâs selfish to even consider the idea that he might be jealous but he canât help it, especially since youâre gripping onto his arms like heâs your lifeline.Â
âShit, Y/N,â Jay says as he takes his life jacket off. Heeseung does the same and parks his boat to get out of the water. âAre you okay?â
âMhm,â you mutter, catching your breath from the water thatâs still lodged in your throat. âJesus, I didnât think that would happen.â
âYou gave me a heart attack.â Sunhoon laughs from behind you but doesnât push you away just yet. Heeseung watches you.
âI got your boat and paddle,â he says pathetically, feeling awkward when the three of you look at him. âIâm glad youâre okay.âÂ
âThanks.â You cough when you speak and Sunghoon rubs your back gently. âWhy does this shit keep happening to me?âÂ
âMaybe Heeseungâs bad luck,â Sunghoon snickers. Thereâs no real animosity in his tone but Heeseung feels upset nonetheless.Â
âSorry,â he finds himself apologizing.Â
âIt wasnât your fault,â you tell him, leaning back against Sunghoon as you catch your breath. âI think thatâs enough kayaking for today, though.â
Jay laughs. âYeah, you can say that again. Iâm getting hungry anyway. Sunoo and Riki are probably complaining about that too.âÂ
At dinner, the eight of you sit around the fire as Jay, with the help of Riki and Sunoo, prepare and serve the food. The warm food satisfies everyone and everybody takes turns swapping stories about kayaking, and everybody laughs when Sunghoon recounts the story of you tipping over your boat. Riki keeps your plate full and tries to give you more meat but you shake your head. He pouts and you eventually relent, and that makes Heeseung smile.
He can feel Jungwon looking at him. The younger boy sits next to Heeseung and looks at him every so often, especially when you start talking or when the topic of discussion falls onto you. He ignores it to the best of his ability because heâs sure his friend has picked up on the fact that heâs not acting like heâs not interested anymore. When Jungwon pulls him aside when everybody leaves to get ready for bed, he isnât surprised.Â
âWhatâs up with you?â Jungwon asks quizzically. âDonât act like you donât know what I mean either, Heeseung. You were acting weird at dinner.âÂ
âTo make a long story short, the reason why I didnât like Y/N all this time was because I thought she was the one who said I would never make it in music. Sunoo told me it was Chaewon, not Y/N.âÂ
Jungwonâs eyes open comically. âThatâs the reason you didnât like Y/N?!â Heeseung smacks his shoulder and shushes him. âYou know if you just, like, told any of us why you were so mad at her, we couldâve solved this and you wouldnât have lost a friend.â Ouch.Â
âYeah,â Heeseung replies, looking at the ground below him, âI know. I feel like an idiot and I feel guilty. I want to make it right with her but Iâve acted like such an ass. I told myself it was for the better.â
âYou really were an ass,â Jungwon agrees. âDid you know she almost pulled out of this trip when she found out you were going?â
Heeseungâs shoulders slump. âI fucked up, Won. Youâre her best friend and I put you in an uncomfortable position too. Iâm sorry. I want to make things right but we havenât had a real conversation in years.âÂ
âYouâre going to have to do a lot more than apologize.â Jungwon sighs and beckons Heeseung to sit down on a log next to him. âShe doesnât hate you, Heeseung. Y/Nâs sensitive, you know? Sheâs sensitive in the way that she feels things pretty deeply and doesnât push things aside anymore. Back in high school, she went through something pretty life changing that forced her to shut down and all she wanted was to reach out to you but you iced her out.âÂ
âI feel awful. She has every right to hate me.â
âThatâs the thing, Heeseung. Y/N doesnât hate you. She doesnât understand what she did that made you pull away and sheâs hurt that you wonât talk to her about it. Sheâs done all she can trying to get through to you but sheâs given up because that didnât seem like it was going anywhere.â
âCan I ask you something?â Jungwon nods. âIfâŚIf I talked to her, apologized and tried to tell her what was going on at the time, do you think sheâd forgive me?âÂ
Heeseung waits for his friend to answer. âI think she would appreciate that you put in the effort to be there for her. She still cares about you even if she says she doesnât.â
âI donât know about that.âÂ
âI do. Iâm her best friend, Heeseung.â The elder nods. âWhat Iâm saying is this: All Y/N has ever wanted was for you to make an effort for her. When you stopped being her friend, she wondered for months if she was a bad person because you didnât talk to her about why you pulled away so suddenly. Apologizing doesnât mean the two of you will go back to the way you used to, but sheâll appreciate that over distancing yourself because you feel guilty.âÂ
That last part hurts to hear but he understands. âDo you think Y/N and I could ever be friends?âÂ
Jungown nods. âYeah, actually. I can tell that youâre being upfront with me right now. You know how she is. She values honesty and loyalty. Of everyone in our friend group, Y/N is the one whoâs really good at communicating and giving advice about that kind of stuff. She doesnât need you to go above and beyond for her. It might take time but I know sheâd appreciate it if you at least made an effort to talk to her and clear up some stuff.âÂ
Heeseung is lost in thought and barely hears Jungwon tell him heâll try his best to let the two of you talk tomorrow night after dinner. He doesnât know how to thank him other than to pull him into a tight embrace and cling onto the younger boy like heâs got something to lose. Jungwon seems to understand where Heeseung is coming fromâhe, too, has had his fair share of arguments with youâso he hugs him back as if to say everything will be alright.Â
When you wake up the next morning, a weird feeling settles in your chest. Jungwon is fast asleep when you leave the tent to get ready for the day after failing to fall asleep. The sun is already up and you donât know what time it is, but the morning is cold and the sweater you have on protects you from the chill nicely.Â
You see Heeseung at the wash station and grip your toiletry bag when he spots you. Awkwardly, you step into the bath house and turn the faucet on as he brushes his teeth, motioning yourself to do the same thing. He watches you from the mirror as you keep your eyeline straight in front of you. He wants to say something to you, perhaps âgood morningâ or âhow did you sleep?â but nothing seems good enough. You, on the other hand, feel like Heeseung may as well put you under a microscope.Â
âCan I help you?âÂ
He looks at you as if heâs been caught with his hand down the cookie jar. âN-No. Sorry.â You sigh and resume brushing your teeth when he spits and rinses his mouth of the toothpaste. âI mean what I said I was sorry. I really am.â
âFor which part? Cussing me out or avoiding me since high school?â You sound tired.Â
âAll of it,â he says quietly. You keep your head straight while he looks at you. âI have no excuse. Iâve been acting like a dick towards you and I feel awful.â You donât say anything. âIâŚI thought you were the one who said I wouldnât make it as a producer. I didnât know it was Chaewon who said it and that you were the one who defended me. I was stupid and angry, and I took it out on you without knowing the whole truth.Â
âI didnât find out until Sunoo told me yesterday. I didnât talk about that with anyone since we were friends, you know? I was so hurt but I didnât know that it was my fault for making myself feel like thatâŚAnd in turn, I made you feel like you didnât have a place in my life. Iâm so, so sorry that I treated you like you didnât mean anything to me when you did.âÂ
You donât look at him as you finish your morning routine. He stands there awkwardly, waiting for you to say something.Â
âI went through a lot of shit back then,â you say, turning to face him. âMy dad left just after you stopped talking to me and all I wanted to do was talk to you about it. You always knew what to say to make me feel better but then you started ignoring me like I never mattered to you. Do you know how badly that hurt to have one of my best friends stop giving a shit about me?Â
âI watched you hang out with our mutual friends. I watched you do really cool things with music but I did all of that on the sidelines because you never included me, even though I was the only person who really supported you., I donât think you really get that there were so many people back then who just wanted to be your friend because a few of your songs blew up on the internet. I watched you keep them close while you pushed me aside without giving me the chance to make up for whatever I did to make you upset.Â
âIâve spent the last few years trying to be okay with the fact that you didnât want to be friends anymore. I tried so hard to accept that you and I would only be people who saw each other in passing. But that hurt. It hurt so much to think you didnât care about me for one second and didnât care that I was upset too.âÂ
Your confession hangs in the air and Heeseung feels like crying when he sees that youâve started to tear up. You wipe them away aggressively, too embarrassed to be seen weeping in front of him.Â
âIâm sorry.â Heeseungâs voice cracks. âI am, Y/N. You were so good to me and I took that for granted.â
âYeah, you could say that.âÂ
âI canât make excuses for myself back then but I want you to know I own up to everything. Iâm sorry that I let you feel like that and wasnât mature enough to talk to you. I know Iâm too late, but you deserve an apology. You deserve more than that.âÂ
Heeseung thinks youâre going to storm past him like he did a few nights prior. He thinks you might spit in his face and tell him to go to hell. But all you do is stare at him in silence.Â
âIâve wanted to hear you say that for a long time,â you tell him. âSo thanks for that. I feel beyond hurt by everything you did and everything youâve ever said since we stopped being friends. All I have ever wanted was to be in the same room and not worry about if you wanted me there or not. This entire trip has felt like walking on eggshells around you.â He lets you step around him and out of the bath house.Â
âI donât hate you either, Heeseung. I know you probably think that I do but I don't.âÂ
***
The rest of your friends can tell somethingâs going on between the two of you but choose not to comment on it. Everybody is off doing their own thing, as today is the last day of camping, and nobody wants to accidentally spoil it. You and Jungwon decide to head over to your âsecret spot,â just the two of you, for old timeâs sake.
âIâll miss you when I leave Korea,â you say as the two of you sit on the ground. âI donât know how Iâm gonna do any of this without you, Wonnie.â
âI know youâre scared of the future and about your dad asking to see you, but youâve got to know that youâre stronger than any of us. Youâre like, a superhero, or something.âÂ
âNow youâre just being corny.âÂ
Jungwon laughs. âYeah, maybe I am. But seriously, Y/N, Iâve always liked that you were able to find some of your optimism again. You make me feel like things will get better for me too. I canât sit here and pretend I know what youâre going through, but Iâll always be here for you. My parents will too.â
âI still remember the look on their faces when my mom broke the news,â you snort. âThey looked like they were ready to go to prison for murder.âÂ
âIâve never seen them so angry. I felt like castrating your dad.âÂ
âDidnât we all?âÂ
âBut at least we got Riki out of it.â You smile fondly. Jungwon wants to tell you heâs proud of how far youâve come, but decides to keep that to himself for now.
âI love him, you know. Even if I donât really say it. I think it was hard for me to be able to say I loved him without feeling guilty. I thought I was betraying my mom if I gave Riki a chance and seeing her step up to be a parental figure when my dad was too busy mingling with our side of the family was hard. Weâve never talked about it but I know she doesnât hate Riki. She wouldnât have forced me to spend time with him if she did.
âHeâs such a bright kid and heâs so talented. It makes me happy when people recognize that too. He taught me a lot about prioritizing my feelings. Learning to re-evaluate my life when Riki showed up made me feel, I donât know, more mature? Like, I can be upset and still care about people because we all make mistakes and none of us asked to be here.âÂ
Jungwon lets a beat of silence pass before speaking. âDid Heeseung talk to you?â
âThis morning. Why do you ask?â
âWell, I saw him acting a bit different at the bonfire last night and asked him if anything happened. He told me why he was so mad at you for so long and said he wanted to apologize.â
âMen are so fucking stupid,â you sigh, bringing your knees to your chest. âI donât understand why he didnât talk to me in the first place.â
âMe either, honestly. But at least heâs making an effort. Isnât that what you said you wanted?âÂ
You nod. âYeah. Feelings are complicated. Iâve been angry for so long. I always thought Iâd yell at him and give him a piece of my mind, or something. I thought I would hate him and tell him to forget about me. But when he apologized, he said it in a way that made me believe he meant it. It didnât feel like he was bullshitting me. I felt stuck.âÂ
âWhat did you end up saying?âÂ
âI told him how hurt I was during that time and said I wished he was there for me like I was for him when I was dealing with my dad. I told him how I wished we couldâve talked it out.âÂ
âThatâs a good start.âÂ
âI donât think weâll ever go back to the way we were but I also know Heeseung. I know it took a lot out of him to set aside his pride and put somebody else first. I donât really know what Iâm gonna do now. All I know is Iâm tired of being upset and I want to feel okay.â
Jungwon nudges your shoulder with his. âYouâll be just fine. The universe moves for you, Y/N. Thereâs no way you wonât have a happy ending.â He watches you hide a smile.Â
âYou are such a sap.âÂ
âItâs what you love about me.âÂ
âUnfortunately.â Youâll really miss him. âI gotta take it one day at a time, right? Heeseung is going to be in my life for a long time since we share so many friends. Riki loves him too, and I guess I canât hate Heeseung too much for looking out for him. I donât think I have any room to think about it when I get back because Iâll be doing some last minute packing and getting ready to move.âÂ
âItâll be over before you know it. But even then, youâre going to have the best time in Okayama. Fuck your dad and all of the bad shit.â
âYeah,â you laugh. âFuck my dad.âÂ
The end of the trip is bittersweet. You start to tear up when you see the campsite completely empty and move slowly to pack everything in the cars. Heeseung notices but doesnât say anything, offering to grab whateverâs in your hands when he sees you looking out into the clearing for extended periods of time. He doesnât pretend to know what youâre feeling but he knows he doesnât like it when you cry.
He watches you get into Jayâs car and wishes that you could be comfortable sitting alone with him. While Jake mans the aux, Heeseung thinks about what might happen when you move away. Will the two of you remain how you are or will you grow apart? Is there any room for him in your life now that youâre off to explore a different part of the world? Will he ever be able to push past the gnawing feeling of pushing his pathetic crush on you down until he no longer thinks of you like that?
Heâs never admitted it, but those feelings he had towards you all those years ago never really went away. Heeseung doubled down on his irritation because doing otherwise would allow all of those romantic feelings to overwhelm him. He kept his head down around you because he knew one look at you would be enough to throw his inhibitions away and he was afraid he would risk everything heâs ever wanted just for you to tell him you love him too. Now that he knows everything was a misunderstanding, the grave loss weighs on him. Heâs got a million thoughts running through his mind and none of them seem to make any sense. These romantic feelings didnât lie dormant for all of these years, right?Â
The next week and a half feels like it passes by too quickly for the both of you. You finish packing the morning of your going away party that everyone helped set up and plan. Your mom, along with Jungwonâs parents, all of your friends and their parents, and Maeumi, presentes you with the kind of happiness you never want to forget. Even Heeseung, who shows up and gives you a letter when no one else is looking, makes you feel like you would be dearly missed. Youâre not sure that you enjoy being the center of attention, but everybodyâs kindness makes you feel like you deserve to be.Â
Itâs late when they leave and socializing makes you feel far more exhausted than you anticipated. Your flight is midday tomorrow but you try not to think about that. Heeseungâs letter sits on the edge of your bed and the green envelopeâyour favorite colorâstares at you like itâs begging you to open it. And open it you do.Â
Y/Nâ
I donât know where to start. Iâm sorry, first of all, for treating you the way I did. I was a sorry excuse for a friend. I shouldâve talked to you instead of jumping to conclusions and it doesnât matter that we were both young. Friends annoy each other but they donât disrespect one another. Iâm so sorry that I made you doubt yourself.Â
Iâll miss you a lot when youâre in Japan. We didnât get the chance to talk it out and I understand if you donât want anything to do with me after you leave. You deserve people who will be there for you. But please know Iâll always be rooting for you.Â
LastlyâŚI donât know if this is my place to say this but here goes nothing. Back when we were close, the one thing I loved about you was how passionate you were about life. You loved to learn and explore new things, and you always made me feel like I could feel that way too. I know youâre scared about Okayama for a number of reasons but youâre the strongest person I know. Youâll be just fine, even if you donât feel like you will be. Iâll be here for you whenever you need me. I mean it.
- Heeseung
For the first time in a while, you allow yourself to cry over Lee Heeseung and surprise yourself when you realize that you want him back.Â
***
At the airport, your mom helps you check in your luggage and asks if youâve got everything you need and makes you double check everything. Itâs reminiscent of the way you did with Riki before the camping trip. Youâre happy despite feeling a bit annoyed that sheâs making you take off your backpack. You donât totally mind it, though. She gives you a hug that feels like it could last a lifetime and letting her go is the hardest thing youâve ever done.Â
Everybody else gives you love, too. Sunoo is the first to hug you and makes you promise to bring him back some skincare and souvenirs the next time youâre able to get back to Korea. Jake embraces you next and gives you some words of encouragement while Jay does his best to pretend like he isnât sad by complaining about how there will be one less cook in the kitchen. You throw your arms around him anyway and pretend not to hear him sniffle. Sunghoon traps you in a bear hug and makes you promise to take as many photos as possible and says heâll look forward to seeing them. He, too, pretends like heâs not about to cry. You push your head onto his shoulder and give his hand a squeeze before he lets a few teardrops fall.Â
Jungwon is the most emotional of them all. He wipes away his free falling tears and crushes you in a hug, burying his head in your neck. âYou better come back, asshole. I canât believe youâre gonna leave me to chase your dreams. Thatâs so selfish of you.â You think you might cry too but laugh anyway.Â
âI love you so much, Wonnie.â He squeezes you like heâs afraid heâll forget what it feels like to be in your embrace until Jake pries him off of your body.Â
Riki stands awkwardly with his eyes to the floor and his hands in front of him. The taller boy feels as though his shoes are glued down but you see the way his gaze flickers as if heâs trying to figure out what to do next. It doesnât take much out of you to throw your arms around him and push yourself into his chest.Â
âIâm going to miss you a lot, Riki,â you tell him.
âReally?â You nod.Â
âI know I havenât been the best towards you but you need to know that Iâm so proud of you, okay? I loved getting to know you. I loved that you came on the trip and Iâm so fucking happy that youâre my brother. Out of everybody who couldâve popped into my life, Iâm so glad it was you.âÂ
Everybody watches Riki melt in front of them as he envelopes you right into him. You feel the weight of his shoulders relax and for the first time, you feel like youâre starting to wonder if this is what it feels like to have everything figured out.Â
âIâll come visit you,â he promises. âIâll come home for winter break.â
âStay with me. We can do all of the corny shit siblings do. Iâll even pay for everything.âÂ
Riki laughs but doesnât let you go. âYouâre the best, you know that? Even though it took you some time, I always thought of you like my sister. Iâm really happy to be around you.âÂ
The waterworks begin and Riki does his best to comfort you when he feels tears on his shirt. He feels somewhere in between empty and fulfilled knowing the two of you have made amends, but knowing you want to work towards the future is enough to make him confident that everything will be alright. He lets you go when he feels your arms loosen around him and aggressively wipes his own tears away.Â
When you look at Heeseung, the last thing he expects you to do is acknowledge him. He came to the airport because he wants you to know he meant everything in the letter he wrote. He stayed up all night to check for your texts but you hadnât said anything, and while he knew it was an emotional day for you because of all you were dealing with, a selfish part of him wanted to know what you thought about it.Â
You surprise Heeseung and yourself by engulfing him in a hug. The familiarity of his embrace makes you feel nostalgic and you canât help but cry right into his chest. Heeseung doesnât hesitate and brings his arms to wrap around your fragile body as you silently weep against him. He holds you tight and gently rocks your body like he used to all those years ago. You donât fight back either. Instead, you push your head deeper into him and hold him until your tears have stopped.Â
âI read your letter,â you say quietly. âWe have a lot to talk about but I appreciate everything you said, Heeseung. I tried to hate you but I could never bring myself to feel that way about you.â
âIâm really going to miss you. Can I be selfish?â Heeseung asks with a sob in his throat. âI wish I apologized sooner and I wish we had more time. But please, promise me that youâre going to try to have fun in Japan, okay? Youâre the best person I know, even if I didnât make you feel like it. Iâll always live with that regret but knowing youâll forget about me and make a life for yourself is enough.â
âI could never truly forget about you, Hee.â That nickname you used to call him makes Heeseungâs heart beat faster. âI donât want you out of my life. All these years I felt like thatâs what I wanted but I donât want that now. Be happy without me too, okay? Forget about me and follow that dream of yours.âÂ
Heeseung laughs sadly. âI donât think I could ever forget about you.â You step away from him and wipe your eyes for the umteenth time.Â
âWrite a song for me, then. And donât be a stranger, okay?âÂ
âOkay.â Heeseung swears on it. âI wonât.âÂ
A beat of silence passes before all seven of your friends push you into the middle of their group hug. It brings another round of tears to your eyes and Jungwonâs the one who lets you cry into him until your mom tells you itâs time to start boarding. Everybody gets one final goodbye before you disappear into the plane.Â
You smile at your phone when you settle into your seat.Â
lee heeseung: I miss you alreadyÂ
You miss him too.
***
Okayama is a dream until it isnât. You settled into your apartment and had one month before you started your job and went to all the places Riki recommended. You started to understand him a little better after moving and both of you find it hilarious that you two ended up living in each othersâ hometowns. You canât choose your siblings but youâd choose Riki in every lifetime.Â
You call your mom every so often and update her on life. Your friends keep you in the loop and FaceTime you when theyâre out together. It makes you feel like youâre back in Korea and while it isnât the same, you appreciate the effort anyway. Youâve made friends with your neighbors and a few girls you met when you went out drinking with your cousin the week you moved and it made braving a whole new country feel less daunting. Jungwon calls you everyday and you tease him for being such a clingy friend, but you both know you love it. You inform him about everything from the boring details to juicy work drama, and it feels like youâre sitting in his bedroom wearing face masks and eating junk food.Â
Heeseung has been a constant fixture in your life, too. You texted him the moment you landed and he kept the conversation going. You talk about everything, the past especially, and start to feel like things might be okay. Those butterflies that you had for him in high school made an appearance after three months in Japan and part of you wondered if you were a fool for bringing him back into your life after everything. All of your friends back in Korea tell you Heeseung is miserable without you and when they tease him in the big group chat, he doesnât deny it.
The friends you made seemed dividedâone half thought you should leave him in the dark while the other half swooned over his dedication to making things right. You donât really know what to think or how to feel, but you know youâre happy. Between phone calls and late night texts, you were always left with a smile on your face before bed.
Riki came back to Okayama for winter break and spent two weeks in your apartment. When the two of you werenât bickering as siblings do, you both stayed up way too late watching anime and watched him dance at his home studio. Riki even got you to attend a few classes (he tried not to laugh at your poor coordination skills but appreciated the effort anyway). You prefer to be in the audience.Â
Life seemed great until your dad made an appearance just before Christmas. He knew you were here from a single text message he never responded to before you moved to Okayama. The weight of his silence prepared you to be in Japan without him but his sudden appearance made you feel like everything changed for the worse. Riki went back to his childhood home to see his family and asked you to come with him after your dad had forced him. Your brother knows the intricate dynamic and you donât blame him for anything. Seeing your dad with his new family after sparse texts since he left felt like a punch in the gut. It soured your holidays and Riki spent the rest of his trip apologizing even though you told him there was no reason for him to be sorry. You dropped him off at the airport and told him youâd see him in the summertime.Â
The holidays came and went but the feelings youâve carried since then havenât disappeared, which brings you to the present. Heeseung is standing in the doorway of your apartment in Okayama, looking at you with those big, round doe eyes you always loved.Â
âHi,â he says breathlessly.Â
âHeeseungâŚWhat are you doing here?â He scratches the back of his neck.Â
âYouâve been going through a lot, you know? Every time we talked on the phone, you sounded like you were a thousand miles away and it killed me to know I couldnât do anything to make you feel better after the holidays with your dad. Jungwon and I have been talking about how much of an ass he is and how much we wish we could be here for you and the next thing I knew, he was encouraging me to buy the next flight out to see you,â Heeseung says in a single breath. âBut honestly? I just really, really fucking missed you.â
âYou flew all this way here? For me?â
âYeah.â Heeseung says it like itâs a no-brainer. âAlthough, now I feel kinda stupid. I realize Iâm putting you in a tough spot. But you know what? I think itâs worth it to know that youâre okay.âÂ
He looks at you but you donât say anything. Heeseung can see the gears turning inside of your head while you process his arrival. You look so cute in your sleep shorts and oversized shirt. He loves it when you call him via FaceTime because he gets to see all parts of youâgetting ready for work and winding down as you are now. It makes him feel like youâre pulling him right back into you.Â
You donât really need to say anything. You lurch yourself onto him and press your lips against his like itâs something youâve been waiting to do for the longest time. You probably have. Heeseung wraps his arms around you and lets his mouth melt against yours and doesnât complain about your boldness either. He welcomes it, even.Â
âYouâre so stupid,â you mutter against him, pulling him into your apartment and locking the door behind you. You kiss him repeatedly and he puts his hands on your waist as if to let you know heâs right there with you.Â
âWhy am I stupid, baby?â Heeseungâs voice paired with that nickname makes your knees buckle. Â
âYou can stay with me.â He feels you smile against your lips. âPlease justâŚstay here and donât go.âÂ
âIâm not going anywhere.âÂ
Heeseung drops his backpack onto the floor and lets you capture his mouth again. You taste so fresh with your cherry lip balm. He moans right into your mouth when you push him against your countertop and the feeling of his hands on your body makes you grow hotter as the seconds pass by. The ache between your legs starts to overwhelm you as his plump lips kiss you over and over again before he pushes them against your neck. Itâs too much in all of the right ways and youâre too aroused to even think straight. You start to pull yourself away from Heeseung and heâs about to ask if heâs going too fast when you grab your hand and lead him to your bedroom.Â
âY/N, wait,â Heeseung tries to say in between kisses. He loves the feeling of your warm mouth against him and feels himself starting to get worked up but he doesnât know if youâre thinking straight. Even though the two of you have talked nearly everyday, Heeseung doesnât know if this is moving too fast.Â
âIâm done waiting.â You pull away from him and reach for his hand, pushing his lengthy fingers past your shorts and underwear until he feels the wet slick starting to pool at your folds. Your hand moves his back and forth as he looks at you like youâve stunned him with a laser gun. Heeseungâs dick jumps in his pants and it takes him a second to move his fingers on his own accord. âI want you, Heeseung. Donât you want me too?â
His resolve crumbles. Heeseung nods with his mouth parted as he pushes his fingers inside you, your wetness allowing him to reach your depths immediately. You push yourself on your toes and put your hands on his chest, clinging onto him like youâre afraid heâd let you go if you donât. He thrusts his fingers with intention and hears your quiet whimpers when he leans his head down next to your mouth.
âYeah,â Heeseung says, lips touching the shell of your ear as his voice ripples through your body. âI want you.â
He pulls his hand away from you and smiles at the short whine from the loss of his touch. Heeseung loves how much you need him and heâs sure you can see how much he needs you too. A surge of confidence jolts within you as Heeseung looks down at your body like heâs ready to eat you alive. You peel off your shirt and shorts, leaving you in your underwear as Heeseung pulls his shirt over his head with a single hand.Â
âLie down,â Heeseung beckons. You do as he says and he sinks down to his knees and pries your legs apart, looking directly at you as he speaks. âGood girl.â He pulls your garments down your legs and the cool air hits your center as Heeseung looks down at you.Â
You donât have time to think about anything when he peppers soft kisses on your skin. His lips journey from the inside of your knee and he presses one small kiss to your slit before repeating the process on your other leg. Heeseung allows himself to get lost in the way your body reacts to his feather-like touches before descending down onto your folds.Â
Heeseungâs tongue feels like the closest thing to magic. He takes his time when licking you with his warm and wet muscle, canvassing every ridge with expert movements. You rake your fingers through his hair and tug gently at his soft roots, pulling a moan out of him that delivers a delicious shock up your spine. He puts your feet on his shoulders and plunges his tongue inside of you and grips your flesh with his fingertips until youâre coming undone on his mouth.Â
âSo fucking good,â he mutters to himself more than he does to you. He laps up your release and you find yourself a bit embarrassed that you were able to come so quickly, but the way he touches you makes it seem as though he already knew how to push your buttons. âYouâre so sweet, Y/N. I could eat you all day if youâd let me.âÂ
Heeseung trails his lips up your stomach and kisses you so tenderly that you feel as though your body must be made out of soft cotton. His lips find your left nipple and lets his tongue swirl over the bud before sucking on it with a gentle motion. He repeats the process on the other nub and flicks it, enjoying the soft sounds that come from you. Heeseung buries himself right into your neck but he doesnât kiss the skin like you think he will. Instead, he kisses you twice on your open neck before moving his body so that he can look down at you.Â
He bites his lip. It makes you feel exposed but somehow, it makes you feel all that more confident. Itâs like Heeseung is looking right through you with all of your worries and faults laid out for him to reject. But he doesnât. Likewise, Heeseung allows you to see him in his vulnerability and heâs ready to pack up his things and leave if you tell him you donât want this anymore. But you donât.Â
He descends on you once again, this time his lips pushing against you in a slow and sensual kiss. You feel the way he moves against you and savor the sounds your mouths make together. Heeseung brings his hand to brush strands of your hair away from your face as he kisses you and the gentle touch of his fingertips feels like it was always meant to be there.Â
âI need you.â Your back arches right into his chest as you speak. âDonât make me wait, Heeseung. Please, I justâŚI need you.âÂ
âIâll never make you wait. Never again,â he promises. Heeseung manages to rid himself of his pants and boxers and pushes himself between your legs until his dick is situated between your folds. Your arousal, paired with the precum oozing from his slit, provides the perfect balance of wetness that coats the entirety of his cock as he glides himself against you.Â
When his tip catches your hole, the sounds of your moans overpowers his refrain. He pushes inside of you slowly inch by inch, savoring the way you feel for the fear that he might never be able to do this again. You look so beautiful underneath him with his dick completely sheathed inside of you and when your legs wrap around his body to encourage him to move, Heeseung doesnât deny you of your pleasure.Â
Neither of you have ever had sex like thisâthe feeling of pure rawness echoes throughout the room between your breathy moans and the sound of skin pushing against one another. Your body is warm in the way he always imagined and his hands touch every inch of you as if to commit your silhouette to memory. In this moment, Heeseung feels as though the two of you are kindred spirits who found each other.
âYouâre so good for me,â Heeseung whispers into your neck as he thrusts into you. âSo fucking tight and wet.â He feels your arms wrap around his shoulders to keep him trapped between you but he canât say he minds all that much.Â
âI-Iâm so close,â you say in a broken moan.Â
âAlready, baby?â Heeseung says to tease you as he brings his head up to look down at you again. He pushes his hips against you faster and that surprised gasp you let out makes his balls clench.Â
âS-Shut up.âÂ
Your arms fall to the mattress as you claw at your sheets. Heeseung plans his elbows on either side of your head as he focuses all of his willpower towards fucking you with fast deep strokes, loving the way your mouth parts slightly and how your eyes are closed shut. His muscles flex as he pushes himself until youâre coming with a loud moan, and finds himself releasing inside of you the moment he feels you gushing around him.Â
You feel Heeseung press his tender lips against your forehead as you come down from your high while he continues to rock you through your release. Your cheeks are hot from the pleasure and the room is suddenly too warm with Heeseung on top of you. When you open your eyes, heâs looking at you like heâs seen a halo above your head. He canât really help it. Heeseung leans down to press a soft, gentle kiss against your lips to convey a job well down.Â
âI came so fast,â you whisper bashfully. You bite your lip but Heeseung tugs it away from your teeth to kiss you again.Â
âMe too.â Heeseung kisses your nose and relishes in the way you scrunch your face. âBut itâs okay. You deserve to feel good. I donât care how long or short it takes.â He places his hand on your face and rubs the apple of your cheek with his thumb.Â
âI really missed you.âÂ
âI missed you too, dummy,â Heeseung says before flicking your nose. He holds your jaw in place before kissing you again.Â
âWeâre gonna have to do a lot of making up, you know,â you mumble against his lips with a smile.Â
âOh yeah?âÂ
âMhm.â You push against his lips. Heeseung pushes his half-hard dick inside of you as your back arches right into him. Heâs there to catch you this time, his arm supporting your spine underneath you. âFuck!âÂ
âMy baby,â he whispers into you. âLet me make it up to you.âÂ
You let him.
***
EPILOGUE: THE FOLLOWING SPRING
âFor fuckâs sake, get your big ass head out of the way.â
Jay smacks Jakeâs shoulder. âYou can see just fine, stupid.â Sunghoon hits both of their shoulders.Â
âBoth of you, stop moving so much. You guys almost knocked my camera.â They mumble a quick apology before finding another thing to discuss.Â
âI feel like Iâm surrounded by children.â You sigh as Heeseung wraps his arms around your waist and lets his chin sit atop the crown of your head. He feels your body relax against him and smiles.Â
âWell you are, technically. Riki just stopped wearing diapers.âÂ
âI hate you so much, Heeseung,â the younger boy whines without any true malice. You laugh and squeeze Rikiâs hand. He canât find it in himself to be too mad at either of you.Â
âDo you guys see Jungwon and Sunoo?â Sunghoon asks with his camera at the ready. âI want to make sure I take as many pictures as possible.âÂ
âI donât think theyâre coming out yet,â says Jay.Â
âDuh.â Jake provokes him in a way you missed while you were in Okayama. It brings warmth to your heart when you see them bicker.Â
Jay turns to you. âY/N, have you given a second thought about moving in with Jake when you come back? I think youâd be better off if you kicked him to the streets.â
âHey!â Jake tackles Jay until heâs got his older friendâs neck between his arms. None of you pay too much attention and choose to wait for Jungwon and Sunoo.Â
âOur friends are another breed,â Heeseung mumbles against you as he kisses your cheek. âAre you sure you want to move back and be roommates with Jake and Jungwon?âÂ
âMhm. I miss you guys so much.âÂ
âBut you miss me the most, right?âÂ
âYes, baby.â You bring his hand up to your lips and kiss the back of it. âI missed you the most.âÂ
âThere they are!â Riki shouts.Â
Jungwon and Sunoo, clad in their caps and gowns, saunter their way out of the stadium before spotting your group. They make a run for it and push past the onlookers who search for their loved ones as well. Sunoo clings onto Jake while Jungwon finds his perch in Rikiâs arms as Sunghoon captures the beautiful moment on his digital camera.Â
âWe fucking did it!â Jungwon shouts as he pulls away. âSunoo, we did it!âÂ
âAbout damn time,â Sunoo replies as he rolls his eyes with a smile. âI felt like Iâd be there forever.âÂ
âWeâre so proud of you both.â Jay smiles and moves to hug each of them. âYou guys are amazing, seriously.âÂ
âI canât believe youâre leaving me.â Riki bumps hips with Sunoo. âThat seems unfair.âÂ
âLife is unfair.â Thereâs no real bite to his tone, just a bittersweet future. Sunoo hugs the taller boy.Â
âOh my God,â Jungwon says with his hand pressed to his mouth. âY/N is crying.âÂ
âNo Iâm not,â you say, even though you definitely are. Heeseung squeezes you tighter against him. âShut up, Jungwon. Iâm not crying.âÂ
âYou so are!â Riki shouts.Â
âIâm not crying. Seeing my best friends graduate college is not a good reason to cry, okay?!âÂ
Jungwon and Sunoo sport shit-eating grins. Heeseung lets you go as they engulf you in a hug while the younger of the two feels your hot tears on his cheek. He laughs and this moment starts to feel a bit nostalgic to him, as he acted the same way you did upon seeing you in your cap and gown.Â
âHey,â he says in a softer tone, pulling away from the two of you. âThanks for being here. I know taking time off was a little hard but weâre so happy you could come.â
âYeah,â Sunoo agrees. âTalking to you over the phone isnât enough. We missed you, you know?âÂ
You tear up again and wipe your nose before falling into them again. âI missed you too.â
âOh God,â Sunghoon laughs. âIf Y/Nâs crying then I know weâre in for it.âÂ
âHey!â Heeseung jokes, nudging his friend with his shoulder. âDonât talk about my girlfriend like that.â Although, he canât really disagree with Sunghoon.Â
âYouâre all so stupid for making me cry in public,â you say as you wipe your tears from your eyes. âIâm gonna look back at these pictures and my eyes will be all red and puffy.âÂ
âI feel like you and Heeseung might as well be our parents,â Sunoo says as Heeseung pulls him into a hug.
âWait, you guys should totally take a family photo.â Jake steps forward to arrange the four of you like a family portrait with Jungwon and Sunoo between you and Heeseung. âThere. Sunghoon, take a picture. This is so going on the fridge when we move in together.âÂ
Heeseung moves back next to you as the rest of your friends look at the photos on Sunghoonâs camera and take turns taking pictures of him with the graduates. He kisses your cheek and pulls you back into him.Â
âYou ready to come back to all this chaos?â
âMore than ready,â you affirm. âI loved Okayama, even though I had to deal with my dad and all of that stuff. But I missed my life here and the masters program over in Seoul is a good fit for me, you know? Plus, your apartment isnât too far from mine.âÂ
âI canât wait for you to move back.â Heeseung kisses your cheek again. âYour mom and I talked logistics about helping you move into the new apartment. Knowing you, Iâm sure youâll have another suitcase coming back with you.âÂ
âShut up.âÂ
âYou know Iâm right.âÂ
You blush and mumble. âYeahâŚYouâre right.âÂ
âYour mom and Jungwonâs parents talked about renting a bigger camp space this year, too. I think theyâre planning on having one huge trip this year now that most of us have graduated.âÂ
âI canât believe our last trip was almost a year ago. Thatâs insane because it feels like I moved to Japan just yesterday.âÂ
âI solemnly swear I will never be as stupid or dense as I was back then.â When you turn around to look at Heeseung, you know heâs telling the truth. You donât answer him verbally and choose to silence him with a pretty kiss. Itâs enough for the two of you.Â
âOi, love birds,â Jake calls, looking at you. âWe should find their parents. Your mom called me and I think she was crying.âÂ
You frown. âWhy didnât she call me?â Â
âShe said you were probably crying too,â Jake snickers.Â
âIs it too late to back out of being roommates?âÂ
âNope. Youâre stuck with me.âÂ
Heeseung squeezes your hand.Â
âAnd me.âÂ
As you look around, you canât help but feel as though this was always how it was meant to be.
âI wouldnât have it any other way.â
***
comments and reblogs are appreciated! xx
#enhypen smut#heeseung smut#enhypen x reader#heeseung x reader#enha x reader#enha hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enha smut#enhypen hard thoughts#lee heeseung smut#lee heeseung x reader#heeseung#my writing*#fic: you plus me
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sticky fingers | c.h./the ghoul
⼠pairing | cooper howard/the ghoul x f!reader ⼠word count | 4.5k ⼠warning(s) | đ smut; mildly dubious consent, dirty talk, degradation kink, fingering, squirting, rough sex, size kink, standing doggystyle, overstimulation, teasing, choking, dacryphilia, cooper howard is his own warning (he nasty y'all), canon compliant - takes place around ep 7, a grab bag mix of the show and the games ⼠summary | âLil girls should know itâs rude ta steal.â ⼠notes | i love my men like i love my beef jerky đŤ i wrote this over 16 fevered hours after finishing the finale. hope you enjoy~ minor edits 4/22/24 | x posted to ao3 | masterlist | feedback is always appreciated â¤ď¸ feel free to send in thots, questions, requests!
It begins, as most things in the Southwest Commonwealth do, with a fight for survival.
City life is tough to be sure, but here on the outskirts of pocket civilizations where thereâs nothing but long stretches of desolate wasteland - arid, sunbaked earth and scorched shrubbery - for miles around?
Well, if the ferals, fiends, and super mutants donât get you in the night, then the desert itself will. During the day the sun burns overhead so nuclear hot, heat glimmers on the horizon in dancing waves.
Unforgiving, relentless as blink-and-you-miss-it mirages are swallowed by ever shifting sands.
Itâs easy to get lost.
Even easier to boil alive in your armor if youâre unprepared.
Far too many travelers from the Eastern Commonwealths have met their demise here, where shade is sparse, and water even moreso. The rain - if it does blow in over the mountains - brings rad sickness.
If youâre lucky enough to still be alive, the only reprieve from the heat is in the stooped bones of bombed buildings and ramshackle shacks... where you're just as likely to catch a knife in the back from a chem fried addict as you are relief.
Because here, in the Wastes, danger lurks in sand and shadow alike.
You donât trek out into the flats half-cocked: a fact all locals know. And if you do decide to? Well, you learn one way or another.
No, only the truly ignorant - or the desperate - dare to tempt man and nature.
Consequently, as you dust off the crumbs from the last half of a Fancy Lads Snack Cake and suck a melted smear of icing from your thumb, you're of the latter half.
You tried holding off for as long as you could. But once the shakes started, you knew you couldnât put off eating lest you pass out and wake up in a slaver camp.
Well, shit, you think as you rattle a dented canister of purified water. This fucking sucks.
Almost going cross-eyed, your tongue hovers under the rim as you watch the last lazy drop fall free. You catch it with a grimace, smacking your lips. The water tastes metal warm in your sour mouth, barely enough to wet your whistle - let alone your thirst.
You began rationing the last of your supplies days ago, and itâs been a battle against light-headedness ever since. Pretty soon you wonât have the strength to defend yourself, scavving be damned.
Come on. Think - gotta think. What can I scrap for caps?
Not only is Filly more than half a day away, Ma June isnât one for charity cases. The fact she offered twenty extra caps last time for some burnt books and bent bobby pins was as close as you were ever going to get to a Wasteland miracle.
Sunken cheeks and pleading eyes can only get you so far; everyoneâs gotta eat.
"Fuck..." The palms of your hands grind into your eye sockets until you see stars. "FUCK!"
There are two unspoken laws in this otherwise lawless land: steal or starve, live or die. A grim reminder that surrounds you in old bleached bones, empty bullet casings, and scraps of cloth fluttering in the breeze.
Someone always has to be top dog. If youâre lucky, they might be willing to share their spoils.
Itâs as youâre considering what pieces of yourself youâre willing to barter that you see them. On the horizon, coming from the west, are two dark blobs.
Stark against the flat plains - a shining beacon of salvation - is a man in a ratty duster and cowboy hat. The saddlebag tossed over his shoulder bounces with his steps while a dog trots beside him, its sable coat rippling with muscle.
Pay dirt.
Making sure to keep low and distant, you stalk them. Watching, waiting for the opportune moment to strike.
When the sun dips low, the sky a swath of pale pink and gold, they make camp at a blown-out Drumlin Diner. Off in the distance, thunder rumbles and sickly clouds gather.
Dark and roiling, acid green; a Radstorm brewing.
Electricity cracks at your skin, stands your hair on end. You scrub your hands over your arms, huddling into yourself for warmth. Meanwhile, the stranger seems to luxuriate in the budding promise of rad rain.
He lounges under an awning, his back pressed against a defunct Nuka Cola fridge. He gazes in the direction of the oncoming weather while mindlessly running his fingers through the dogâs fur as it curls up against his legs.
Occasionally, its ears twitch, and its eyes crack open.
Whenever it glances in your direction, you hold your breath and squeeze your eyes shut but it never gives any other indication that it notices your presence.
A small mercy youâre thankful for.
While youâre a pretty good shot, your body is weak with hunger. Besides, you have quick hands and light feet. Thereâs no doubt you can stealth your way in and out before he realizes his pack is lighter than he left it.
Youâll only take what you need - not interested in causing any more trouble than is necessary. Some food, maybe something to drink if he can spare it, and something to pawn. Just enough supplies to get you sorted in Filly.
Anyway, he certainly isnât hurting for it by the look of things.
Any guilt you felt was short-lived when he settled down after dropping his pack inside, walking out with an inhaler of Jet in one hand and a can of Cram in the other.
Watched, greedy, as he cracked it open and picked at the tin of meat with lazy fingers. Salivated as he sucked them clean in between deep pulls of chem.
Soon, you decide, licking your lips as he chews, swallows. Soon.
However when push comes to shove, the stranger proves far more keen than you give him credit for.
The world spins like a hit of Daytripper, a kaleidoscope of color as your skull bounces off the wall with a loud crack. Air rushes from your lungs as something huge - hot and heavy - slams into you from behind.
Pins you against the wall with ease as your ears ring.
Something rattles loose; your teeth too large and your tongue too thick. Warm metal floods your mouth as the side of your face throbs in time with the rabbit fast stutter of your heartbeat.
Pain sparks and your stomach rolls.
"Wha's?" you slur, thoughts dripping like wax. "Wh-at's..."
Meanwhile, a gloved hand lassos around your throat like a collar. Brute fingers squeeze the tender flesh of your jugular until you hear your pulse in your ears. Senses struggling - sluggish to adjust in the encroaching night - as tiny cavities eat at your vision, little pockets of darkness.
âLil girls should know itâs rude ta steal," a gruff voice mocks. âBetcha thought you was real slick, huh? Tch. You ask me, youâre dumber than shit, Darlin'.â
Trying to regain your bearings, you shake your head only to groan. âI donât - âm not -â Itâs difficult to concentrate, a throbbing tempo taking up residence in your temples. The words come slow. âWhaâd you mean?â
He whistles, long and low-pitched, "Dâya have any idea who you're fucking with?"
âN-NoâŚâ
âHowâs about I show you, then?â
Warm breath puffs over the shell of your ear, a tongue sliding out to trace along the lobe. You jolt, squirming in discomfort as he crowds closer.
âTasty lil thing like you, wrapped up all nice and pretty just for me." He chuckles. "Why, it must be Christmas.â
What the hell is he talking about?
Itâs hard to breathe with his heavy weight suffocating you; the scent of gunpowder and bitter smoke clogging your nostrils with every labored inhale. His lips - ragged - scrape over the nape of your neck.
The grip on your throat squeezes once, twice; leather sticks to your sweaty skin.
You squint your sore eyes, taking in the faint flickers of firelight that spill through the open doorway. The desert chill of night has settled in, creeping through the busted out windows to dig beneath your padded armor.
Thunder rumbles directly overhead as lightning follows in flashes of acid green. Itâs only a matter of time before sheets of rain come pouring down; the air sticky with humidity, trembling with energy.
The Radstorm has finally arrived.
Youâll undoubtedly get sick if you leave the shelter of the diner - might even die from it if you canât afford or find any RadAway. But as the strangerâs chest digs into your shoulders, and the dog curls up in the corner - uncaring of your plight as its nose tucks into the whip-thin tail - you think youâll take your chances.
Tilting back to glance at him from over your shoulder through damp eyes, you say, âLook--â
Only his hand moves, viper quick, as it slides from the front of your neck to the nape. Strong fingers clamp down like a vice, like scuffing an unruly dog.
He grinds your face into the wall, rough metal shredding your cheek.
You cry out, a soft, pained little thing that echoes through the empty diner.
âNow whyâd you gotta go an' make me do that?â
A phantom glimpse told you all you needed to know; broad jaw, thin lips, a hollow nasal ridge, creeping radiation burns and cracked skin. Ghoul.
âLetâs try this again, Sugar.â
His free hand - sans glove - creeps over the curve of your hip to splay along the swell of your belly, fingers tucking up under the hem of your shirt. You shiver at the stroke of roughened skin.
âDonât take another peep or I might jus' have ta pluck out those pretty eyes of yours.â
Dread pools low in your gut, a leaden ball.
Everything in you screams: RUN, RUN, RUN.
Alarms blare but you freeze. Stare straight ahead at the featureless wall, eyes wide and unseeing. Through the foggy mire of your thoughts - half formed and shapeless - you have enough presence to understand the precarious nature of your position.Â
Heart hammering, you plead for mercy, âPlease, Iâm - Iâm sorry.â
"Aw, ain't that real sweet?" He remains impassive, unmoved. "The little thief does got some manners after all."
Without warning, the sharp toe of his cowboy boot kicks apart your feet. In the ensuing empty space between your thighs, his leg slots into place. Spurs dig into the tender meat of your ankle, little kisses of pain, as his hips rut forward against your ass.
You choke on your spit, pulse jumping in your throat.
"H-Hey, that's..." You attempt to shove at any part of him you can reach to no avail. Built and broad with compact muscle, it's like trying to move a brick wall. "I said I was sorry, okay!"
He ignores you, burying his face into the space behind your ear. A deep inhale sounds next to your head, the expansion of his chest against your back so firm you're not sure you won't fuse together.
The whiskey rough groan he releases does wicked things, makes your mind wander to places it shouldn't. Full of grit and gravel as his cock twitches against your backside, a burning line of heat.
A shiver ricochets down your spine.
He grunts, says, "Mm, you smell good enough ta eat."
The cap of his knee nudges up against your clit with a sudden jolt, shocks of pleasure electrifying your body. Tears prick the corners of your eyes, and a sob threatens to scrape its way up from the depths of your throat.
You swallow, mouth desert dry. "Come on, let's just forget all about this, yeah?" you reason. "No harm done. I'll even give you whatever I've got left so - so..."
He makes a noise in the back of his throat, the vibration rattling through your chest. "So?" he prompts, plucking at the waistband of your trousers.
"So let me go?"
"Now why would I go an' do an asinine thing like that?" he replies. "If you think you can buy your freedom, think again, Sweetheart."
Rain pings off the metal roof, the smell of pungent ozone and rusting metal wafting in through busted windows and open doors.
â'Sides,â he pauses to turn your attention outside, âIâd hate ta have you yakinâ before the funâs even started.â
Thereâs no way to misconstrue his meaning when he punctuates the statement with a teasing rut of his hips. Those rugged fingers tug open the clasp of your trousers, yank until the material goes slack and pools around your ankles.
âHey, wait--!â
You jolt, hands scrambling for purchase as he slides his leg against your core. The friction of his pants through your thin cotton underwear makes you ache.
Ripping through your bottom lip, blood beading to the surface, you choke on a high-pitched whimper. "I..."
There's no way he can't feel your reaction.
How quickly you're getting wet as he drags you along the length of his thigh while yanking your hips back into the cradle of his pelvis. You meet him in a slow grind that boils your blood and steals the breath from your lungs.
Itâs been - shit - far too long since youâve felt anything other than hunger, thirst; the animal drive to keep pushing forward.
"You like this, don'tcha?"
You hear the dagger-sharp smile hidden in his words.
He croons, "What would your fellow smoothies think, huh? Here you are lettinâ a ghoul get you all hot n bothered - and youâre lovinâ it. Ain't you?"
You throb in response, heat stealing its way into your cheeks as you turn your head away in shame. His dark chuckle lets you know he felt the squeeze of your thighs, the rock and dip of your hips against his knee.
"I - I don't..." you stutter, struggling for a retort. âIâm not--â
A tremble works its way through your body, crushed as you are between the rad warm burn of his body and the wall. Completely at his mercy as you try to figure out where it all went wrong and what you can do to worm your way out of this one.
Terrified of what'll happen if you stay, terrified of what'll happen if you go; stuck in limbo as what was meant to be a simple grab-and-dash devolved into this confusing cluster of shame and lust.
You loathe the embers of desire kindling to life low in your belly.
"You really outta start bein' more honest, Sweetheart."
A large hand dips beneath the worn band of your underwear, and you wait with baited breath. Helpless as calloused fingertips brush over the swell of your mond.
Your inner thighs are uncomfortably sticky with slick, and your eyes burn in humiliation. Your throat trembles around all the words you want to say.
"Didn't anyone teach you lyin' was bad?" he asks rhetorically as his fingers slip down to play with the swollen bud of your clit, tapping lightly.
You keen, low and wounded.
Short nails dig into your palms as you flex your hands for want of something to grab onto.
âI am being honest,â you bite out through grit teeth. Sweat dapples your furrowed brow. âJust lemme go, please.â
"I find that hard ta believe," he replies. "Sorry to say, but you're shit at lyin'. Just look how hungry your lil cunt is for me."
Itâs the only warning you get before those long digits plunge deep inside, two becoming three as they stretch you wide. Hollow you out; knuckles massaging your entrance as the tips prod along the sensitive front wall of your cunt.
You clamp down with a strangled moan. âShit!â
This is a horrible idea - but itâs been forever and a day since youâve felt anything other than your own touch.
Whether it be the bone-deep loneliness youâve been shoving down for months or the sudden, inexplicable need for contact, you long for a reminder that youâre still alive.
That youâre not some wrath of the Wasteland filled with sand and blood, doing whatever it takes to survive in a place that would rather see you fail.
âI - Iâm not sure.â
He snorts but offers no council or reassurances, using his free hand to yank at the back of your head in impatience. While it mightâve been a fairer fight if you werenât in such bad shape, thereâs no denying that heâs proven himself to be more adept.
Stronger, quicker.
This is going to happen either way.
And that turns you on - even though you feel like it shouldnât.
If you give in, if he forces you to give in, itâs not really your fault then, is it? You can enjoy it because you have no choice.
Fuck it, you think, closing your eyes and tilting your head to the side in submission.
Like a doll with cut strings, all the fight drains from your body and youâre left sharing space. The ghoul is a furnace of heat behind you, barely any space to breathe heâs crowded so close.
His cock thickens where it digs into the soft fat of your ass, as large and intimidating as the man himself. âNow stay still for me.â
The or else goes unspoken.
Then heâs stepping away, a rush of cold air filling the empty space at your back.
You shiver, tempted to turn around. Maybe make a run for it. The only thing stopping you is the awareness that his threats arenât so idle. In your experience, itâs far better to befriend the monster than to anger it.
So you comply, waiting an eternity as your senses strain to pick up on anything other than the murmuring hush of rain, the rumble of thunder, as the Radstorm continues to blow its way through.
Though just when you think he mightâve left, ready to chance moving, you hear the clink of a belt buckle clicking open. The scuff of boots across the linoleum before broad hands shove up under your shirt, scarred palms bare as they settle on your hips.
You tense before forcing yourself to relax.
âYou ainât as stupid as I thought,â he says. âGood girl.â
A test.
You breathe a sigh of relief.
âI can listen,â you mumble, keeping calm as his hands explore the plains of your stomach, pluck at the waistband of your panties. âPromise âm not gonna do anything else.â
Learned my lesson the first time. Got my skull cracked open for it.
âThatâs what I like ta hear.â
Without warning, your panties are being ripped from you, scraps of fabric fluttering useless to the floor. You squawk in indignation but then a heavy hand settles between your shoulder blades.
He presses down, and you follow without complaint, finding yourself bent in half.
And then the fat head of his cock is right there, teasing at your entrance. He plays with your cunt, slipping the shaft between your wet folds. Dragging up the length of you to tap at your swollen clit.
Jerking in his hold, you whine and try to bear down with all your weight. âPlease,â you squirm. âPlease, câmonâŚâ
His grip remains firm, bruising as he exhales next to your ear, a pleased little grumble. âThatta girl. Now tell me, whoâs my pretty lil thief?â
Every hard ridge of his body bites into the softness of yours, your stiff nipples dragging against the rough material of your shirt. Zings of pleasure shoot through you; bursting in your bloodstream, fizzy like warm Nuka Cola.
âI-â
âGo on now, Sweetheart: say it.â Fingers dig into your hips so hard your bones ache. âOr I jus' might be tempted ta take a bite outta your pretty lil backside instead.â
Heâs bluffing, you think, half delirious, ⌠Right? He wouldnât--
You swallow, throat clicking, and squirm against him.
Is that a chance youâre willing to take?
No, no itâs not.
âY-Yours - Iâm - Iâm your little thief.â
The unexpected flare of satisfaction in his voice is almost your undoing. A hand pets down your flank, swatting the outside of your thigh playfully.
âGood girl.â He demands, âSay it again.â
Sharp hip bones kick forward against your ass as he lines himself up and starts to bully his way inside.
âIâm - YOURS!â
Your soft, gummy walls flutter, squeeze until giving in with a pop under the hard pressure of the fat head. His cock stretches you out, thick and girthy.
Ridges of scar tissue and patches of rough friction pockmark his shaft, massaging tender places as he fills you up, fucking you open.
He feeds you inch after inch⌠until he canât.
âWait!â
Accommodating his girth is a struggle, your cunt filled to the brim by the time heâs halfway inside. No amount of slick could make him fit, so he makes do with harsh little jerks of his hips. Forces himself deeper and deeper until he glides home nice and smooth, sheathing himself to the base with a sigh of satisfaction.
You clamp down hard with a hiccupy whine, walls furtively trying to push him out. âA-Ah!â
âGoddamn,â he huffs, hands kneading your ass, âYouâre a tight fit.â
Tears prick your lash line, your hips shifting as you try to stop him from moving. Begging for a moment of reprieve. Youâve never taken something so big and thick, so textured before.
Coupled with the minimal foreplay, it feels like heâs punched his way through your body. Hollowed you out to make a home for himself.
Pussy aching, a low burning tightness creeps over your lower belly as tender flesh pulses uncomfortably around the unforgiving heft of his cock seated deep inside. You swear you feel him poking your belly button.
âPlease,â you pant, heat settling into your cheeks. âJ-Just wait a sec-ond! I canât - oh shit.âÂ
âAw, look at you.â Fingers reach around to brush over your cheeks, gather the tears thatâve slipped free. âDidnât mean ta make you cry,â he lies.
The sound of him sucking his fingers clean reaches your ears. Your stomach swoops, and your clit throbs. Dazed as you wonder what his mouth would feel like on your pussy.
"Hah - too much, you're - fuck - you're too big."
He snickers. âCanât be helped, I guess.â Body rippling in a shrug, his hands re-settling on your hips. âBut thatâs all right - I like it better when they cry.â
Before you can retort, he pulls his hips back.
Your toes curl in your boots, feet squeaking across the linoleum floor as your sweaty forehead grinds into the cool metal of the wall. The texture of his shaft burns as it slides through your swollen folds, dragging against sensitive spots you didnât even know existed.
You canât tell if itâs the best youâve ever felt or the worst, but you nearly sob all the same, nerves alight with liquid fire. Want him as deep inside as he can go; a frenzy of desperation that needs him to stuff you so full you choke.
âSee for all your whining, youâre takinâ me so well. What did I say about bein' honest?â
You sniffle, blurry eyes creaking open to stare out the window.
Your body throbs in time with your pulse, your pussy so stretched out you canât clench down when he thrusts in deep. The fat mushroom head teases your cervix, a faint whisper, before heâs drawing back again.
âT-Too fast,â you stutter, head rolling back to rest on his shoulder. Your thighs tremble, knees going soft. âSlow down, slow down.â
âSh, you can take it. I know you can.â
With a grunt, he surges forward. Wasting no time in starting up a brutal pace that rattles your bones. He drives you hard into the side of the diner; tits crushed and face smashed, a disgusting mixture of tears and drool wetting your cheek.
âJust like that, Sweetheart.â
You do little more than hold on, all thoughts driven from your mind as he fucks you swollen and bruised. Cunt a sticky mess as your slick eases the way, clinging to your inner thighs and dripping down his heavy balls.
Every thrust punches little sounds from you, and he grunts. âFuck!â
Your hands cling to the sides of his hips, focusing on the shift of muscle beneath heavy fabric. âI canât,â you slur, eyes cloudy as you glance up into his, gazes meeting for the first time. âPlease, I - ah!â
His thrusts turn punishing, even more so than they already were, hips meet your ass with enough force to leave bruises. âWhat did I say about sneakin' a peek?â
While the words sound threatening, his voice is heated and breathy. For all his talk, he doesnât look away. In fact, his hips slow into languid rolls, grinding close. When your eyes slide from his, he reaches down to pinch your clit between his fingers.
âAh, ah, ah,â he chides. âYou keep those eyes on me.â
Pretty, you think, dazed.
Glinting in the slants of firelight like wet sand or a Nuka Cola bottle in the sun; bourbon warm as they peer at you from beneath a heavy brow bone.
âThatâs it, thereâs my good girl."
Eyes fluttering when he flexes his hips in reward, the tip massaging along your g-spot, your mouth drops open on a whine.
âO-Oh! Right there, I - fuck, please donât stop. âm so close.â F-Feels s'good.
His bare hand reaches up to curl around your jaw, gnarled fingers pushing their way past the open circle of your swollen lips. They compress your tongue as they gather saliva, stroking along your tastebuds.
Gritty, rough; he tastes of dirt, blood, and gunpowder.
You sneak a kiss to his scarred knuckle when he pulls free.
âShit, Iâll be damned. Youâre just a nasty lil freak, ain't you?â
You moan in response, stretching up on your tip-toes and arching your hips to change the angle. Your palms rest beside your head, docile.
A crazed grin cracks the corners of his lips, his teeth bared like an animal. âI like that,â he husks. âNow be a peachâŚâ
Then those soaked digits are finding their way between your thighs, ghosting over your skin to smear spit onto your abused clit. The tender bud throbs beneath his fingertips, swollen and begging for attention.
He hitches his hips forward to feel you jerk, pulsing beneath his touch as he resumes a fast, jolting pace that has you smacking into the wall.
âAnd cum for me.â
A deep rumble escapes his throat, the sloppy, wet sounds of him fucking you ringing loud in your ears. Your hips roll, unsure if you want to press forward into the swirl of his fingers or back into the rut of his cock.
Tears stream down your cheeks, your chest heaving with weak sobs.
âPlease,â you whine, his shaft pinching your walls uncomfortably. You feel swollen, rubbed raw. âA-Almost there.â
A nip to the ear is all it takes.
âHhaah, Iâm--!â
The liquid heat thatâs been pooling low in your belly - building and building - finally bursts in a gush of slick that soaks his hand. Darkens the crotch of his pants as it drips down your thighs to splash against the tile.
You sob, a full body tremor zipping through you like bottled lightening.
In the aftermath, your cunt twitches in time with your heartbeat. Hands numb and head full of cotton as cramps bloom between your hips. Sharp little stabs shoot up behind your navel.
âShit, Iâve got myself a gusher,â he laughs, a nasty little smirk tugging at his lips. âLook at the mess you made. Now if you ask real sweet-like, maybe Iâll let you clean it up with your tongue.â
You sag, too boneless to be ashamed as electric aftershocks tingle along your nerves. All the while, his pace never falters, quickly fucking you into overstimulation.
Your clit twitches pathetically when the fat head of his cock drags along your g-spot. "No more," you mumble weakly, letting him maneuver your body how he likes. "Please."
âHeh, letâs see if you can do that again.â
You whimper, âOh, oh, please n-no. I - I canât. Youâll break me.â
âThatâs real cute,â his lips, harsh and rasping, drag over the shell of your ear, âbut I wasnât askinâ.â
The grip on your hips tightens to the point of pain, digging in and marking you up.
âNow, why donâ we have some real fun, Darlin'?â
#cooper howard x reader#the ghoul x reader#fallout smut#the ghoul x you#cooper howard x you#the ghoul#cooper howard#fallout#fallout fanfic
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