#I’ll be so used to the Amazon freedom that I don’t want to go back

[infpravenclaw5w4idkwhatelse]

ever have one of those days where you have to sign into your family Amazon account so many times that, instead of asking your mom for the code for a gazillionth time, you sign up for 6 months of free Amazon prime with your student email? Yeah….lol.

[pupculture]

Right now, I should be packing up my apartment. There are boxes waiting to be filled, furniture to disassemble, and a never-ending mental to-do list that tugs at the edges of my focus. But instead, I’m standing on my bed, peeling glow-in-the-dark stars off the ceiling—tiny remnants of a night I thought I was being clever, or maybe just nostalgic.

It was one of those nights, you know the kind. A little too much wine, a sudden rush of inspiration, and an Amazon purchase you don’t fully remember. I stuck those stars everywhere—haphazard constellations across my bedroom ceiling and walls. Not just there, though. They spilled into the rest of the apartment too, covering doorframes, the corridor, even the kitchen.

When I was a kid, glow-in-the-dark stars made my room feel less like four walls and more like a galaxy I could escape into. They made the dark feel softer, kinder. And maybe, in some ways, I wanted to feel that safety again. But this time, I went further. I didn’t just limit them to my bedroom ceiling—I let them spill out across the entire apartment. I covered the walls and corners because it wasn’t just about recreating the stars; it was about embracing that sense of wonder and freedom wherever I could.

It wasn’t just for the kid I used to be—it was for all the versions of me. It was me rebelling against the idea that my home had to be practical or Pinterest-perfect. It was an act of generosity toward myself, messy and imperfect and joyful. A love letter to whimsy, to the parts of me that still crave a little magic.

Now, as I take them down, I feel the weight of some warm emotion in the action. Each star leaves a faint mark on the paint, a tiny ghost of where it used to glow. They’re quiet reminders of what I needed at the time and how far I’ve come. The stars gave me something I needed when I needed it, and now it’s time to move forward. It feels like honor.

Except forward feels a little… backward this time. Once I finish packing up, I’ll be moving back into my parents’ house. Not my childhood home exactly, but the house I lived in between 13 and 16. A strange in-between place, full of memories but not necessarily comfort. It’s not where I learned to ride a bike or stuck up stars but it’s still a home that shaped me.

Going back feels weird. It doesn’t feel like returning to a sanctuary, exactly, but it also doesn’t feel like starting over. It feels like revisiting a version of myself I’ve outgrown but can’t quite leave behind.

Bob Marley’s Is This Love plays softly in the background as I peel the last few stars off the walls. It feels strangely fitting, the lyrics humming a question I’ve been carrying: Is this love?

By the time the last star comes down, the room feels a little less mine. The apartment feels quieter, emptier. But that’s okay. Rooms, like glow-in-the-dark stars, are temporary. They hold us when we need them, and then we let them go.

So, I fold the last bit of this memory into a box, let the music roll over into the next song, and pick up the tape. There’s more productive work to be done, sure, but for now, this was the goodbye I needed

[lorenfangor]

I heard that #40 was super homophobic :/ so I skipped it. But now your fic is making me want to give it a try. How problematic is it? Are the characters worth it?

Okay.

Okay.

Let’s talk about #40.

The plot of The Other (a Marco POV) is that Marco sees an Andalite on a video tape sent in to some Unsolved Mysteries-esque TV show, and he assumes it’s Ax and hauls ass to save him from being captured. Ax, being Ax, has videotaped the show, and they pull it up and Tobias uses his hawk eyes to figure out that it’s not Ax, it’s another Andalite - one without a tailblade. Ax is appalled at the presence of this vecol (an Andalite word for a disabled person) and we find out that he and others of his species have deep ingrained prejudices against at least some kinds of disabled people.

Despite this, Marco and Ax go looking for the Andalite in question because he’s been spotted by national TV, and they meet a second one, named Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad. The vecol is Mertil-Iscar-Elmand, a former fighter pilot with a reputation and Gafinilan’s coded-gay life partner. The two of them have been on Earth since book 1; they crashed their fighters on the planet and have been trapped there thanks to the GalaxyTree going down. Gafinilan has adopted a human cover, a physics professor, and they’ve been living in secret ever since.

Thanks to that tape, Mertil has been captured by Visser Three, and he’s not morph-capable so he can’t escape. Gafinilan wants to trade the leader of the “Andalite Bandits” to the Yeerks to get his boyfriend back; he can’t fight to free Mertil because he’s terminally ill with a genetic disorder that will eventually kill him, and (it’s implied that) the Yeerks aren’t interested in disabled hosts, even disabled Andalite ones. Despite Ax’s ableism, the Animorphs agree to work with Gafinilan and free Mertil, and they’re successful. Marco ends the book talking about how there are all kinds of prejudices you’ll have to face and boxes that people will put you in, and you can’t necessarily escape them even if they’re reductive and inaccurate, but you can still live your life with pride.

So now that I’ve explained the plot, I’m gonna come out the gate saying that I love this book. I love it wholeheartedly, I love Marco’s narration, I love Ax having to deal with Andalite society’s ableism, I love these characters, and as a disabled lesbian I don’t find these disabled gays to be inherently Bad Rep.

that’s of course just my opinion and it doesn’t overshadow other issues that people might have? but at the same time, I don’t like the seemingly-common narrative that this book is all bad all the time, and I want to offer up a different read.To that end, I’m going to go point by point through some of the criticisms and common complaints that I’ve seen across the fandom over the years.

“Mertil and Gafinilan were put on a bus after one appearance because they were gay!”

this is one I’m going to have to disagree with hardcore. I talked about this yesterday, but in Animorphs there are a lot of characters or ideas that only get introduced once or twice and then get written off or dropped - in order off the top of my head, #11 (the Amazon trip), #16 (Fenestre and his cannibalism), #17 (the oatmeal), #18 (the hint of Yeerks doing genetic experiments in the hospital basement), #24/#39/#42 (the Helmacrons’ ability to detect morphing tech), #25 (the Venber), #28 (experiments with limiting brain function through drugs), #34 (the Hork-Bajir homeworld being retaken, the Ixcila procedure), #36 (the Nartec), #41 (Jake’s Bad Future Dream), and #44 (the Aboriginal people Cassie meets in Australia) all feature things that either seem to exist just for the sake of having a particular trope explored Animorphs-style or to feature an idea for One Single Book.

This is a series that’s episodic and has a very limited overall story arc because of how children’s literature in the 90s was structured - these books are closer to The Saddle Club, Sweet Valley High, Animal Ark, or The Baby-Sitters’ Club than they are to Harry Potter or A Series of Unfortunate Events. Mertil and Gafinilan don’t get to be in more than one book because they’re not established in the main cast or the supporting cast, I don’t think that it’s solely got anything to do with their being gay.

“Gafinilan has AIDS, this is a book about AIDS, and that’s homophobic!”

Okay, this is… hard. First, yes, Gafinilan does have a terminal illness. Yes, Gafinilan is gay. No, Soola’s Disease is not AIDS.

I have two responses to this, and I’ll attack them in order of their occurrence in my thought. First, there’s coded AIDS diseases all over genre fiction, especially genre fiction from that era, because the AIDS epidemic made a massive impact on public life and fundamentally changed both how the public perceived illness and queerness and how queer people themselves experienced it. I was too young to live through it, but my dad’s college roommate was out, and my dad himself has a lot of friends who he just ceases to talk about if the conversation gets past 1986 or so - this was devastating and it got examined in art for more reasons than “gay people all have AIDS”, and I dislike the implication that the only reason it could ever appear was as a tired stereotype or a message that Being Queer Means Death. Gafinilan is kind, fond of flowers, and fond of children - he’s multifaceted, and he’s got a terminal illness. Those kinds of people really exist, and they aren’t Bad Rep.

Second off, Soola’s Disease? Really isn’t AIDS. It’s a congenital genetic illness that develops over time, cannot be transmitted, and does not carry a serious stigma the way AIDS did. Gafinilan also has access to a cure - he could become a nothlit and no longer be afflicted by it, even if it’s considered somewhat dishonorable to go nothlit to escape that way. That’s not AIDS, and in fact at no point in my read and rereads did I assume that his having a terminal illness was supposed to be a commentary on homosexuality until I found out that other people were assuming it.

“Mertil losing his tail means he’s lost his masculinity, and that’s bad because he’s gay! That’s homophobic!”

so this is another one I’ve gotta hardcore disagree with, because while Mertil is one of two Very Obviously Queer Characters, he’s not the only character who loses something fundamental about himself, or even loses access to sexual and/or romantic capability in ways he was familiar with.

Tobias and Arbron both get ripped out of their ordinary normal lives by going nothlit in bad situations, and while they both wind up finding fulfillment and freedom despite that, it’s still traumatic, even more for Arbron I’d say than for Tobias. And on a psychological level, none of the main cast is left unmarked or free of trauma or free of deep change thanks to the bad things that have happened to them - they’re no less fundamentally altered than Mertil, even if it’s mental rather than physical. And yes, tail loss is equated with castration or emasculation, but that doesn’t automatically mean Mertil suffering it is tied to his homosexuality and therefore the takeaway we’re intended to have is “Being gay is tragic and makes you less of a man”. This is a series where bad shit happens to everyone, and enduring losses that take away things central to one’s self-conception or identity or body is just part of the story.

Also, frankly? Plenty of IRL disabled people have to grapple with a loss of sexual function, and again, they’re not Bad Rep just because they’re messy.

“Andalite society is confusingly written in this book, and the disability aspects are clearly just a coverup for the gay stuff!”

Andalite society is canonically sexist, a bit exceptionalist and prejudiced in their own favor, and pretty contradictory and often challenged internally on its own norms. In essence, it’s a pretty ordinary society, and they’re really realistic as sci-fi races go. It makes sense from that perspective that Andalites would tolerate scarring or a lost stalk eye or a lost skull eye, but not tolerate serious injuries that significantly impact your perceived quality of life. Ableism is like that - it’s not one-size-fits-all. I look at Ax’s reactions and I see a lot of my own family and friends’ behaviors - this vibes with my understanding of prejudice, you know?

“Mertil and Gafinilan have a tragic ending, which means the story is saying that being gay dooms you to tragedy!”

Mertil and Gafinilan have the best possible ending that they could ask for? They are victims of the war, they are suffering because of the war, they get the same cocktail of trauma and damage that every other soldier gets. But unlike Jake and Tobias and Marco, unlike Elfangor, unlike Aximili? Their ending comes in peace, in their own home. Gafinilan isn’t dying alone, he’s got the love of his life with him. Mertil isn’t going to be as isolated anymore, he’s got Marco for a friend. Animorphs is a tragedy, it’s not a happy story, it’s not something that guarantees a beautiful sunshine-and-roses ending for everyone, and I love tragedy, and so I will fight for this story. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it deserved better. But it’s not less meaningful just because it’s sad. Nobody is entitled to anything in this book, and it’s just as true for these two as it is for anyone else.

“It’s not cool that the only canonically gay characters in this series don’t get to be happy and trauma-free and unblemished Good Rep!”

This is one I can kind of understand, and I’ll give some ground to it, because it is sucky. The only thing I’ll say is that I stand by my argument that nothing that happens to Mertil and Gafinilan is unusual compared to what happens to the rest of the cast, and that their ending is way happier than Rachel and Tobias’s, or Jake and Cassie’s. But it’s a legitimate point of frustration, and the one argument I’ll say I agree has validity.

(Though, I also want to point out that I think there are plenty of equally queercoded characters in the story who aren’t Mertil and Gafinilan - Tobias, Rachel, Cassie, and Marco all get at least one or two moments that signal to me that they’re potentially LGBT+, not to mention Mr. Tidwell and Illim in #29 and their long-term domestic partnership. There’s no reason to assume that the only queer people here are those two aliens when Marco’s descriptions of Jake exist.)

“Marco uses slurs and reduces Gafinilan’s whole identity to his illness!”

Technically, yes, this is true, except putting it that way strips the whole passage of its context. Marco is discussing the boxes society puts you into, the ones you don’t have a choice about facing or escaping. He’s talking about negative stereotypes and reductive generalizations, he’s referring to them as bad things that you get inflicted upon you by an outside world or by friends who don’t know the whole story or the real you. The slurs he uses are real slurs that get thrown at people still, and they’re not okay, and the point is that they’re not okay but assholes are going to call you by them anyway. He ends by saying “you just have to learn to live with it”, and since this is coming from a fifteen-year-old Latino kid who we know is picked on by bullies for all sorts of reasons and who faces racism and homophobia? He knows what he’s talking about. He’s bitter about what’s been said and done, he’s not stating it like it’s a good thing.

Yes, absolutely, this speech is a product of its time, but it’s a product of its time that speaks of defiance and says “We aren’t what we’re said to be,” and in the year this was published? That’s a good message.

tl;dr The Other is good, actually, and Mertil and Gafinilan are incredible characters who deserve all the love they could possibly get.

[cannotescape]

ok I wanted to clear my head before posting something about the wilds fandom's fiasco

I just think we need to take a step back and try to understand where people are coming from. so as a fan who really doesn't want to see boys in the show, I'll try to explain why it felt such a big deal for some of us.

1) "we knew all along boys would be involved. why is it a surprise for you all? it's literally the plot of the show":

we actually didn't know boys were involved before the very last seconds of episode 10. and even then, I personally thought it would be a footnote in season 2 or something. I watched the show because it was a girl ensemble (and I think a lot of us watched it for that reason), and because I was interested in their interpersonal relationships. I didn't go in thinking "oh nice! I hope they'll do a boy experiment next!". I really thought this story was about teenage girls and their trauma, and not young people in general. I mean, they marketed it this way. So we have reasons to feel feel disappointed when season 2 sounds like a whole different show, and is marketed like a whole different show too.

I really didn't care about the experiment part of the plot tbh... like... I thought it was incredibly dumb and I didn't buy it for a second and I think the show could have stood on its own without the whole experiment. This is also why I don't see the need to add men, especially if the argument is "but Gretchen needs a control group!". Gretchen doesn't need anything because she's dumb and her experiment has 0 scientific value. You want to talk sociology? because I'd love to! What Gretchen needs is some ethics for starters. She also needs to be peer reviewed, something she obviously doesn't care to. Gretchen most of all needs fucking quantitative data please!!!! taking 8 random american girls to prove... whatever she wants to prove is the dumbest thing I've seen in YEARS. Finally, if Gretchen really needs a control group, then it's not a boy control group. It's 8 troubled girls of the same age / same origins staying at home in their environement, to see how they fare within a patriarchal society. It's 8 non-traumatized girls on an island, it's 8 boys and girls together at home or on an island, it's 8 girls in therapy, and it's also 8 trans girls and trans guys. Adding boys was a choice, not an obligation, and I don't think it will make the plot better, especially if it's at the expanse of the girls' screetime.

2) "the fans who don't want to see boys are as bad as Gretchen":

I don't want to see boys on that show because men are already everywhere and I'm scared they will take the girls' screentime. I wouldn't care if we didn't live in a patriarchal society with a 50/50 ratio of screentime all the time. Sadly, that's not the case so I'm kinda bitter that the attention will be stolen from the girls story, especially after it was advertised this way.

If the fandom really "hated men" like some of you implied, then we would have hated on the several men who are in the show already. I've never seen any hate directed towards Quinn, Ian, Alex, Thom and even Young. Faber, Jeff and Dave Goodkind are another story but the hate is well deserved.

So yeah, I don't know how expressing disappointment seeing a girl-centric show slowly becoming not girl-centric is the same as Gretchen, literally putting 8 girls through severe trauma AND physical danger to prove that women are better than men... I'm kinda confused

3) "the fans who don't want to see boys are hurting the actors' feelings":

I want to clarify that I'm not talking about hate directed towards the actors. I personally haven't seen anyone do it, but in any case, it isn't ok.

That being said, I really hope that those actors know how to separate criticism towards a show / their characters and criticism towards them personally. There's nothing personal about not wanting boys on this show lmao! I don't even know who the actors are and I don't care tbh. It's a job, like they're paid to do what's on the script, they have no leverage about what's written or not written.

Like... look at it this way: my job is to write bills and draft legislative texts. And it's political, of course, and a lot of people have a lot to say about those texts, more often than not, bad things. But I don't take it personally!! I didn't take the decision of passing the bill, I'm just here to follow orders and do what people above me tell me to do. and when people have valid criticism, I listen and I think about it because critical thinking is important and you shouldn't always do what you're told to do! like I can't do anything about it if I don't wanna lose my job, but I can at least know it's not ok.

we're not angry at the actors. we're angry at Amazon / possibly the writers depending on the artistic freedom they have. Thinking the actors are sad because we don't want men is as ludicrous for me as feeling sad because people didn't like the bill I worked on. It's nice when you work on something you agree with, but the decisions isn't yours anyway...

I'm honestly happy for the people who are excited about the boys. I mean good for you! But you can try to understand why so many of us are feeling down about this news. It's called empathy, what I believe this show is fundamentally about. The insane plot is just the coating. The best part of the cake is the girls caring about each other. Maybe we could try applying that to ourselves?

[found--family]

not to rain on anyone's parade but I don't get why everybody is so happy to see Jensen working on The Boys, and therefor Kripke in regards to "getting away from Spn after it stabbed him in the back".. i thought Jensen called Kripke and that he talked him into "accepting the finale"? don't get me wrong I am super excited for Jensen to get more recognition and stuff but I can't help but think that^ maybe i'm missing/confusing something here?

i mean.. okay, I'm NO expert on the writers of SPN - i refer to my mutuals for the highs and lows and meta of it all, and i also haven't watched The Boys yet..

but Kripke created Supernatural. he's responsible for bringing Dean and Sam and the whole story to life, and for giving us the seasons 1-5 arc. when people fawn over *early spn* that's the era they're talking about: the writing, the character journeys, the cinematography, the visual meta, the vibe.

the thing about the different writers of SPN is - when you read the meta and look through the relative episodes - you can see who prefers focusing on what themes and characters, who is better at narrative cohesion and continuity, etc. BUT there's also TPTB (The Powers That Be) to consider, ie. The CW network folks who have the ability to make creative decisions/tweak what they don't think is on-brand for them, ie. the (conservative) audience they're trying to appease.

-- you should check out meta from @drsilverfish @mittensmorgul​ @postmodernmulticoloredcloak​ and so many others in the fandom (search "spn+meta" in tumblr and see what's what) for insight into the network/spn writer’s room because they know their stuff.

my point is: getting away from The CW and their narrative meddling is a HUGE step up for Jensen. as has been said, The CW (not Dabb, although there is debate on that too) sacrificed the ending of Supernatural on the alter of Walker, so it's understandable and also a positive thing that he's breaking free of a network that screwed over his 15 year-long commitment to them and the stellar journey of one Dean Winchester.

but YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT about Kripke trying to convince Jensen the SPN ending was good for Dean: we've seen the clips from cons + interviews of Jensen telling that story and IT HURTS. Kripke hadn't been directly involved in the show for years at that point, so was he just out-of-touch with the narrative and the fandom? or did he just want to try and get behind the ending of his baby, hype the show that did so much for his career, even if he didn't like it? or did he feel obliged to agree with whatever was pitched to him? 

(IMDB has him listed as 'executive consultant' through season 15 including the finale. I'm not sure how accurate that is or what it means exactly, but it's by no means Creative Control.)

it's obvious Jensen hated the SPN finale, but i don't think he'd squander his freedom in leaving The CW to go work with someone he doesn't trust to do justice to his new role and the narrative as a whole.

i hope some of this fandom's meta writers will enlighten us on these fronts though: Kripke's showrunning of The Boys, Amazon Prime as the distributer and what that means behind the scenes, as well as content freedoms and restrictions and what we can expect from Jensen's Soldier Boy performance! 

(btw: if anyone knows any meta writers in The Boys fandom please let us know) 

whatever the case may be with Kripke saying what he did to Jensen about the finale, we'll just have to wait and see what else comes to light about it, and what he does with Soldier Boy, and how Jensen responds to this new experience on social media, etc.

reports say we might not see season 3 of The Boys until 2022 (COVID being a factor) so we all have plenty of time to catch up on the first two seasons (and the comics too!) and delve into the meta surrounding it all.

i for one am extremely excited to see Jensen 1) in a dark superhero role 2) in whatever form-fitting costume they give him (i hear the fuckmepumps are involved!) 3) cussing his beautiful little heart out.

-- once i binge both seasons I'll probably post a bunch of wishlist items for season 3 and thoughts about the show, but for now I'm just excited and super happy for him being involved in such an awesome project. 

feel free to add your thoughts. 

[kyotakumrau]

2020.09.19 ROCK AND READ 091 - interview with utA - translation PART 2/2

And so hati and I left Niigata with very little money, but carrying a guitar and a bass with us, we went to Tokyo.

Interview: Yukinobu Hasegawa Photos: Yosuke Komatsu (ODD JOB LTD.)

Translation: kyotaku You can buy the magazine on amazon, tower records etc ฅ( ̳• ·̫ • ̳ฅ)♡

PART 1 HERE

-- With 40~50k yen you can do a short sightseeing trip to Tokyo (laughing).

utA: Yeah, that's why we got part time jobs soon and started saving, and together with hati we rented a cheap place in a wooden building for about 40k yen. And there our Tokyo life has started.

-- Sounds very Showa style (laughing). Where in Tokyo was it?

(*Showa era, 1926-1989, is often referred as nostalgic old times, retro style; but the house utA and hati lived in was likely an actual Showa building... which are seen as not safe during disasters and thus very cheap to rent)

utA: It was in Komagome. There was no bath, but it was something like a detached house, so for 45k it was super cheap. But it was a considerably old building.

-- But still that's cheap. For a detached house. Was it a stigmatized property by any chance?

utA: Right? But it was cheap, so we thought why not (laughing). The two of us. Even if there's some issue.

-- There's issue with you two (laughing). There were two of you meant to live there, but it would be totally fine if the third unknown occupant appeared suddenly?

utA: Yup (laughing).

-- So you wouldn't be bothered if some floating life form came out?

utA: Yup, no problem at all (laughing). Actually, there was an episode of the ghost visit. You probably won't publish this part of the talk, but it seems like I can actually sense the supernatural. It was when I was writing music when living in that place, I suddenly felt strongly some weird presence behind me, I've been hugged tightly, and when I shouted surprised 'who's it??!' I couldn't see anyone. I thought, ah, someone had passed away in this room at some point. There is really a lot of interesting stories from when we lived in that house (laughing).

-- This is something that must end up in the printed interview for sure.

utA: Seriously?! Won't that be too scary for people who really believe in ghosts? (laughing)

-- Have you encountered many phenomenons like that?

utA: Yes, I have. I could feel many spiritual beings already from before, but there were just a lot, in that place. When hati came back from his part time job I remember telling him 'holy shit someone just grabbed me from behind, we have to move out as soon as possible' (laughing).

-- As you were living in a crazy place like that you have later started a band, it was 9GOATS BLACK OUT, right? It's a bit spooky/ominous band's name, was it because of this?

utA: I guess (laughing). It was crazy living over there, but also very fun. During summertime, the two of us would be bathing in the small garden outside, hati would be taking a shower in the kitchen sink, or sleeping in the oshiire*(laughing). He was a great guy, super funny. With this hati I've done one more band in Tokyo before 9GOATS BLACK OUT. But it only lasted about a month. When looking for a good potential band members, we reached out with invitation to a vocalist ryo from Niigata who done bands like D'elsquel or GULLET. And even as we went to Tokyo to look for band members, we ended up forming a band with 3 guys from Niigata, starting activities in Tokyo. And for that ryo moved to Tokyo.

(*oshiiire is Japanese closet. It's much deeper than Western style closet and has a shelf, you can actually put a single mattress in😆)

-- To that stigmatized/haunted house?

utA: No, no!! (laughing) He actually refused 'I'm not coming to a place like that!' (laughing).

-- ryo was working as a designer then.

utA: Yeah, he was working as a designer in Niigata, but we asked him if he wouldn't quit (laughing). As we could write great songs to make it [in music]. And ryo agreed. Starting the band in Tokyo was like turning over a new leaf. All of us moved to Setagaya ward in Tokyo.

-- Did you choose a stigmatized place again?

utA: It was also an older building, but without any strange situation going on, it was fine (laughing). This time not house sharing, all of us got our own small apartments.

-- 9GOATS BLACK OUT has a very firm image as a very original, strongly idiosyncratic band.

utA: That's definitely true. From when we started activities, the pace of work has never decreased, I think it was a good condition.

-- It was a visual kei band, but musically it had quite a lot from the ambient like elements. You had many very interesting songs.

utA: Yup. Gradually I was leaning more and more to add ambient style to songs. As for why, when we started in Tokyo, in my mid 20s I was increasingly listening to Western artists. Before that I think I wasn't listening to artists outside visual kei, but as I progressively became a better musician I started noticing more and more the greatness of the overseas bands and music. I really got into Radiohead and MUSE, and the songs I was writing got a bit more ambient.

-- Those artists place big importance on the sound of each album.

utA: True. My favourite band now is Radiohead. But at that time I was probably aiming to have a band in a style of MUSE. But our songs were not as rock-ish as MUSE is.

-- MUSE is not only an English rock, their sound is very much arena rock like.

utA: The MUSE now definitely is like that, but I really love their first album 'Showbiz'. Starting from the first song 'Sunburn' there was an amazing ambient, I was probably influenced by that.

-- You got attracted to the clean tones from when you started to play the guitar, so do you like the air surrounding the sound, the pleasant feeling of the ambient style?

utA: That's right. It was with 9GOATS BLACK OUT that we gave shape to songs like that, so musically it was very fulfilling.  Speaking of albums, songs were mainly written by me, ryo and hati done 1 or 2 songs each. So with that it's like I kinda run out of song ideas fast (laughing), or I used everything I had [and it wasn't enough]. There was a pattern that with each album I felt I had to open new doors.

-- You included plenty of synthesizer sounds, creating a three-dimensional sound.

utA: I did, yeah. I was exhausted with every song. There were times when I'd write the main part of the song, and after that I would throw it to the drummer or bassist asking them [to finish it]. Creating songs with 9GOATS BLACK OUT was a good learning experience, but I also experienced how it is to use everything you had and look for new doors to open. I had a healthy attitude towards music, but on the other hand it was also harsh.

-- Around 2013 9GOATS BLACK OUT has ceased activity, where did that come from?

utA: We disbanded 5 years after the formation. It was due to the differences between the band members (about music/band direction).

-- Each of you were writing songs, when you followed through did the music production make each of you do some soul searching?

utA: Yeah, it felt like each of us was changing a bit and the gap growing between us was slowly getting closer to reaching the limit. And as a result, we arrived at the point where we didn't agree where to go next as a band. That's why I think at the latter period each of us felt that as a band our demise is nearing.

-- When that came did you start thinking about your next step?

utA: Nope, not at all. This is similar to when I was graduating the high school, I don't think about what's next (laughing). For now let's stop. After that somehow it will work. Like I'll do what I have to. Weirdly optimistic, I didn't know what's ahead. I wasn't planning on quitting music, but I was tired of writing songs, I was thinking of taking a break for 1 or 2 years from that, wanted to do it properly.

-- And then Kyo contacted you?

utA: Yup! I was very grateful, happy and surprised.

-- I heard that Kyo contacted you saying that he has listened to 9GOATS BLACK OUT music and wants that sound?

utA: That's why I was so moved when I heard that. Since I started music I felt I wanted to maintain my own worldview, this hasn't changed even now. I was glad I could continue, really glad. I felt 'even among musicians there's someone who really appreciates [my sound]'. That time Kyo and Takumi already started writing music for sukekiyo, and were at the stage of thinking what to do about other band members.

-- Have you met those two before?

utA: Not really. But I think we played at some big event with RENTRER EN SOI. And I also had a chance to see DIR EN GREY live twice. But we haven't met then, so our first meeting was when we talked about sukekiyo. [It went like] 'it's really an honour, I'm really grateful that you appreciate my music, I'm really looking forward to working together'.

-- Did Kyo had any specific requests?

utA: It's the same now, he told me to do whatever I want. He hasn't changed since then. That's why from the start I had freedom when working. When working on "IMMORTALIS" I could just let out my worldview freely, so I really enjoyed it. But from the next title "VITIUM" I started to wonder what exactly do I want. So for me, the freedom was the reason I started to lose my way. From around "ADORATIO" Kyo might have started to ask us 'what about something like this as a big picture?', but beyond that it was all 'please do whatever you like'. Not only in terms of music, but I'm quite a free spirit, also among band members (laughing). So I'm very grateful to receive such a generous support from Kyo and other members. YUCHI and Takumi, and Mika help to unify my songs. I really have freedom when creating the original melody. I really think I'm blessed to have those people around me. I'm truly thankful that even though I'm such a free spirit they are all people who can understand me and treat me kindly. They are amazing.

-- It's been 7 years since sukekiyo started, is the gratitude only getting stronger?

utA: On one hand it's getting stronger, but as our time together becomes so long there's also a thing it's by now embarrassing to say. It became difficult to say thank you. Especially having all this support from Kyo, I'm just so grateful to him. It feels like he cares so much, for me. If I got it wrong, sorry for assuming (laughing). When I fail, I get pulled in by that thought, I'm not able to do anything including song writing. Having freedom when creating songs, there's no end of ideas, but rencently they came a bit. With the release of "ADORATIO" in 2017 and "INFINITUM" in 2019 I've been thinking about it a lot, what will we do next. sukekiyo is doing quite a lot music wise.

-- So now it's not like you get influenced by something so you can write?

utA: That is rapidly going away.

-- But for example, even when you write a thing influenced by something else, when it's finally sent to other member shouldn't it be reborn as a totally new thing?

utA: You're totally right. Yeah, it will be reborn as something new, so I just thought it'd be totally fine if I let my mind wander more and create. Of course I want to push myself and always create something that will make you think 'oh amazing' the moment you hear it, including the worldview as well, but if I only do things this way it will always be like that, when I instead pass the idea to the band members it's so interesting to see how it will change. So now, you gave me a very good hint (laughing). Just, my hate of loosing in weird way comes out here, I want to be able make people react 'I'll be damned, what was that!' all by myself. I want Kyo or other members to accept the song when listening at first only to the sound I created. I want to surprise Kyo, who blessed me with 'I want your sound'. Actually, I already made some crazy songs, I want to make more songs I'm happy with and that members can listen.

-- When thinking specifically about the next [work], what kind of sound or songs do you want to pursue?

utA: It's something I've been saying from the start, I want to bring out abnormality/transformation. If the band's sound become electro or other, I don't care about this direction, but there's the thing were I don't want people to listen without questioning it. When no matter how many times you listen but it's hard to understand. And then after a year or so you start thinking it actually might be a good song. Saying that this is my ideal might sound strange, but I think songs like that are way more attractive. Not a song that you like from the first listen.

-- I totally get that feeling. Listening to the song, you can enjoy the wrestling with the music. It's beyond your comprehension, but you're drawn to it somehow. Because when you keep listening to it again and again, you start noticing more sides to it.

utA: That's true. It took me about 5~6 years to truly understand Radiohead. Especially "Pabro Honey" or "The Bends", at the beginning they totally didn't resound with me. The vertical axis felt off, or wasn't there a better chord than this etc. I was thinking that for so long, but then I finally understood after some years, it's because of those things they are good. I hope to someday be able to reach that level. Even if fans probably don't want songs for which you need 5~6 years to understand (laughing). But there is a joy of bringing something unknown to life. sukekiyo has created that for each album, so I'd really like to give birth to something even better again.

[captainsimagines]

Titanic || H.S

Part Two || “You.”

“And tell us about that Titanic! I hear it’s as grand as Buckingham Palace! Unsinkable!”

Warnings: This book contains mature themes and discussions, such as gun violence, emotional and physical abuse, attempted suicide, mentions of blood, character deaths, heavy sexual content, and reference to the real maritime disaster of the 1912 cruise liner Titanic.

The needle a centimeter away from your finger and the one sitting between your incisors each created a rattling noise as you pressed the pump with your left foot and created a steady vibration. You opened and closed your lips ever so slightly in concentration. It was an evident possibility that your finger could inch its way too close to the hopping needle or that your tongue could swivel onto the pointed end and prick a drop of blood. But determination got the best of you as you heard the giggles and confident praises the seamstresses emitted. The stitching of your first full sweater would be completed in mere seconds, its elegant trail smiling right back up at you as the needle halted to a fine finish. 

The ladies cheered as you carefully removed the sleeve from under the machine, holding your first completed work of art up in the air for everyone to marvel at. It was a dark green color, similar to how you would imagine those black and white photographs concealed the true pigment of the vast Amazon rain forest. It was easily donned over one’s head and onto the body in a swift movement of lifted arms and lacked the tightness of your dated Victorian clothing. It welcomed a breezy and comfortable afternoon with tea and silent tranquility. It was simple but the ladies in the workshop would not let your first completed stitching go unnoticed. You were a valued customer, as was your mother years ago before she began buying from more established designers, and their exclamations were definitely ones full of pride. 

“It’s a wonder you finished so quickly! Come, let’s have a look at what you’ve accomplished!”

The ladies made sure the doors were locked before you stripped away your upper layers and uncomfortable corset. You breathed a sigh of a relief and a chuckle of reassurance for the worried faces staring back at you. You pulled the masterpiece over your head and immediately squealed in delight, happy that the fabric which treated your working hands delicately also did the same for your torso. It was slightly bigger than your form, baggy enough for you to fit both arms inwards as a blanket. You hugged yourself and swayed back and forth, smiling from the cheers and claps surrounding you. 

“There we go! Now you’re a proper seamstress!”

A few ladies scolded the woman who spoke of your ‘low’ title, but you quickly dismissed their worry. “It’s alright! I believe this new clothing item earned me a proper title.”

The ladies all congratulated your hard work once again but were interrupted by a hard knock on the door. It seemed all knew who was lurking behind the wood, the atmosphere altering to one of uneasy stillness. 

You sighed quietly, “Just go on.”

Everyone obliged, quickly picking up where they had left off before they had come to crowd around you and gawk at your hard work. You disregarded your other clothing laying on the floor and left your green sweater on. 

You yourself were a sight to marvel at, all done up in the face with regular-looking clothing somehow tainting the priceless property of your soon-to-be husband. Or maybe he had already placed a price tag on your skin, like how they mark cattle with an abrupt hot stab. You never knew anything these days. 

George cleared his throat and conducted a quick visual scan of the room. “You’re needed at the house, Miss.”

You breathed in deeply, mentally rolling your tired eyes at your fiancé’s personal bodyguard hire. It wasn’t that he was a total annoyance to have around, but that he was the most colossal annoyance to have entered your life after your fiancé, Cal. His eyes would never leave your body - not in an inappropriate manner but as caution for your safety. It was only on Tuesday you were able to free yourself from the constraints of your busy life to buy groceries alone, downtown, without help. It had become extra enjoyable to extend that peace by befriending the townspeople and participating in their daily lives. You didn’t view this as offensive simply because none of the seamstresses voiced a personal grievance. You wanted to partake in a normal activity, a hobby, in something you could actually call yours and not passed down through generations. But perhaps naming this a hobby while these women referred to it as their one underpaid job was privilege after all. 

“Do they need me immediately or do they simply want me home?”

Your questions once startled George as you proved to be quite the pistol, answering back and reminding him that you outrank him as well, not just Cal. It was rude to do so, you acknowledged, but the sudden burst of adrenaline your body experienced anytime you would not follow Cal’s orders easily were beginning to feel like a forbidden midnight craving. But George laughed off your wit and proceeded to point to your abandoned corset and upper part of your dress, as if telling you to suit up, and walked away to wait for you in the car, a cigarette in between his index and middle finger.

As you shut the door for some well-deserved privacy, some ladies of the shop narrowed their eyes while others shared their stares of pity. You had briefly mentioned your lack of desire to marry at such a young age, wanting to marry for love instead of insurance. While some of the ladies understood your point of view, others could not possibly believe you would give up the chance to settle down and be financially stable for the rest of your life. It was a difference of opinion and class, but one thing was certain - none of you were free from the constraints of men. 

You sadly stripped away the warmness of your sweater and lifted the white corset from the chair beside the sewing machine. The sound of a chair scraping against the floor and hurried footsteps painted a shy smile on your face. You remembered her name was Linda and watched as she rushed behind you to pull the strings of your corset slightly tighter than they already were. She was a middle-aged woman, more experienced than most women hired and perhaps the best. She had been the first to welcome you to the shop, teaching you the ropes of sewing - first by hand and then by machine. Linda often called her mentorship a privilege to conduct and made you promise to improve. 

“Oh, Miss. I know life isn’t what you want it to be, but when does it ever work out for people like us?”

You turned your head over your shoulder slightly to look at her, “You mean us women?”

Linda cleared her throat uncomfortably and finished tightening the last bit of your corset. “Yes, but… pardon me, Miss but I think you have more choice than the lot of us women combined. ”

Linda held out your jacket so you could tuck your arms in. You understood her point in matters of class, but as you slid your arms through the sleeves and saw how the glimmer of sunlight danced off your brown skin, you evaluated the types of privilege Linda had that you didn’t. But you would not overstep her boundaries, and instead remained quiet. 

“I don’t mean that to sound rude, Miss. Only that, even with an unhappy marriage, there are plenty of freedoms to explore that most people will never get to.”

You buttoned the front of your jacket yourself and let Linda finish speaking. What she said was absolutely correct. Lots of people suffer through boring and arranged marriages, finding joy once they bring new life into the world or handling the property portion of your household. It most certainly sounded like a simple compromise. But the thought of a loveless marriage with only the hope of conception to bring actual love into the world upset you. There had to be more to it than just that. 

“Thank you, Linda. I hope to see you in the next year or so.”

Linda momentarily covered her mouth in shock, “I completely forgot! You’re going to America!” Her outburst caused a couple of the ladies to murmur to each other, all sharing their want for the new American dream the papers were talking about. It was said there was no heavy violence, property was easy to obtain, and gold was discoverable by anyone with a working hand and a shovel. But you didn’t believe the lies - it was the same hole as England, if not worse. 

“Oh, please write, Miss! Share your adventures with the group,” Linda laughed, gathering your purse in her hands and into your waiting ones. She handed you the forgotten groceries and your new green sweater as well. “And tell us about that Titanic! I hear it’s as grand as Buckingham Palace! Unsinkable!”

You nodded and smiled to the group of ladies who had become your friends in such a short amount of time. “I’ll be sure to write with great detail. Don’t get into any trouble without me.”

Linda scoffed, “And if we do, you’ll hear about it through the mail!”

You laughed and voiced your goodbyes, walking out of a peaceful atmosphere into the polluted streets in search of the waiting car. 

The enjoyment of silence and limited movement had always been a treasured feeling. Your feet taking small steps across such a large bedroom and emitting such a small sound while the clock ticked every second was such a lighthearted moment in your busy schedule. You folded the last bit of your clothes from the drawers into the bags the maid fetched, making sure to wrap the small perfume bottles as tenderly as possible inside your undergarments. Neatly tucked away in the corners, you glanced around the grand bedroom that had witnessed your mental deterioration for the past two years. It had encased you in times of grief as you said final goodbyes to your father; in times of brief happiness each time one of your horses won a race; in times of uncomfortable stillness as you destroyed gifts from loved ones, corsets string-by-string, or bottles of champagne from congratulations on your engagement. It was time to say goodbye and welcome four new walls to witness more tumbling emotions. 

A small knock at your door interrupted your thoughts. “Thought you could use a little help with the last of your belongings.”

If it wasn’t for your incredible acting skills, you probably would have screamed at Cal a thousand and one times by now about absolutely everything and nothing. He was subtly controlling, insisting which books you should and shouldn’t read or what food you should or shouldn’t try. For an engagement that was barely three months strong, you had already experienced fifty years of a failed marriage. 

You gave a small smile, “Thank you.”

Cal stepped into the room with your given permission, shutting the door gently behind him and locking it. You sighed deeply as you heard the click, trying to occupy yourself by wrapping the last bottles of perfume with undergarments. It occured to you in that moment that your private wardrobe was out in the open, so you quickly tucked the last bottle without its personal wrap and zipped the bag closed. Cal didn’t seem to notice your clumsy actions, instead focusing on lighting the cigarette between his lips. 

You stood at the foot of your bed and clasped your hands together, “You know I don’t like cigarette smoke in my bedroom, Cal.”

Cal chuckled and moved to grab the bottom half of your torso. You allowed him to guide you into his chest, swaying with him back and forth while simultaneously avoiding the dangling stick from his lips. Cal exhaled the smoke over your head and made sure all the smoke exited before he leaned down to press scattered kisses across your neck. Self-control abandoned, the involuntary grimace to stain your face remained unseen by your poor fiancé, who was only trying to selfishly build a certain romantic mood that was sure to escalate in the next week on your wedding night. Cal had it in mind that if he introduced a new intimate gesture every day, you wouldn’t act so cold during the ceremony. It was worth a shot, but the complete disregard for your upset over cigarette smoke was enough to bump his score back a few points.

“I was hoping the packing was all finished,” Cal sighed, trailing his kisses closer to your collarbone. “The help gets paid for this, Sweetpea. You shouldn’t waste your time and energy.”

You cleared your throat to break the one-sided tension, “It calms me, actually. Besides, the household is busy preparing for our departure in other ways.”

Your engagement had caused a disruption in the everyday lives of your staff. It was known that you had to marry after your father’s death or else your family wealth was in jeopardy. Your father had left everything in your name - property, money in the banks, jewels - anything and everything. But it was the nonexistent trust of your capabilities that people would not outright express. Coupled with the fact you were in your early twenties, no one would confide in your training abilities, rent your property, or give you loans. Getting married was practically on the agenda since your father announced his diagnosis. 

“Think of this,” Cal began, blowing out smoke and flicking the ash onto the floor. “In a week's time, you won’t need to worry about anything.”

He paused before taking another long drag of his cigarette. “America will welcome us with open arms and open pockets.”

“Must we think too much of the future? Can’t we just enjoy the present moment?” you spoke quietly, still swaying against him. 

Cal chuckled softly and gripped your chin lightly with his thumb and index finger to tilt your head upward. “America is full of such rich opportunity! How can I not envision it?”

You shrugged your shoulders and departed his loose grasp. “I’m not saying you can’t imagine-”

“No need to imagine!” Cal yelled excitedly, playfully falling on his right side at the foot of your bed. “I know it isn’t a figment of my imagination. It’s real…” he continued, looking up at the ceiling in undisturbed awe, “we can be as big as the Rockefellers.” 

You chuckled softly and picked up your bag to bring it to the chair by your door. “I’m sure our reachable dreams will suit us just fine.”

Cal scoffed jokingly, “Think of it! Your father’s property, our combined assets, the booming railroad business-”

“Actually, they say trains are becoming less and less valuable as automobiles become more affordable.”

Cal looked at you with wide eyes and a confused stare. “Well, whoever you are referencing was wrong.”

You wanted to list your sources and prove him wrong, but decided against the nasty argument. 

He continued to preach, “Just envision it, Sweetpea. It’s already in our grasp.”

You pretended to ‘envision’ his world by staring at the same spot he was, but could only see lonely nights in a house too big for the two of you and endless parties with mindless chatter. It was already draining the energy from your chest, so you simply lied to your fiancé to end the conversation.

“I can’t wait to see it, Cal.”

Cal jumped to his feet and fixed his tie before heading for the door. You could honestly say this was the longest conversation you ever had with Cal, and one where he wasn’t so bland. He seemed comfortable and relaxed around you right now, when usually he’s controlling and constrained. Air being sucked from your lungs without warning and then quickly replaced in a sharp and painful manner. A desperate reminder that you would have to learn to endure this endless suffering if you wanted to live comfortably. ‘Comfortable’ and ‘cheerful’ were two words that were completely foreign in feeling, on your tongue, in your social circle even. But yet again, you reminded yourself of your place - a place that you would simply have to learn the rules of. Cal was quick to change personalities anytime someone would interrupt your already tamed conversation, either showing you off as an extravagant prize or as a nuisance, someone to fetch him another Brandy. 

Perhaps it was due to the proximity of his American dream. 

“Perfect, Sweetpea,” he leaned forward to kiss your cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow around seven. We have to be up bright and early to get to the docks by nine.”

You nodded and waved him goodbye, “See you then.”

You spent all night tossing and turning in your massive bed, hearing the trees sway with the wind and the midnight workers opening and shutting gates every five minutes. Silence greeted you only momentarily, somehow interrupting your thrashing or your wild thoughts, wishing you would open your eyes and imagine random designs in the ceiling above you. But as you did so, an intense wave of pain would sever any ounce of playful imagination your mind struggled to concoct, teasing an impossible ability to conceive a world other than your own. 

Tomorrow you would be locked away in the most elegant room on the grandest ship in the world, each swirl and twist of captivating designs sprawled across another four walls offering its own imagination to your tangled mind - another four walls that will observe your internal struggles with yourself, your husband-to-be, your “rich people problems”. 

And all you wanted was to disappear. Perhaps jump into that endless, blue abyss and have the world forget you ever breathed its air. Those four walls would only taunt you, remind you of the nauseating situation you were constantly in, breaking you further until all that’s left is another tombstone in your already crowded family garden. Your problems seemed miniscule as you thought about the setting of your deterioration, a luxurious and expensive atmosphere to suffocate inside. 

Perhaps you were overreacting. 

And as you heard another gate shutting and making an obscene amount of noise, you swallowed back those pitiful tears and reminded yourself that it could always be worse.

It could always be worse. 

But instead of disappearing, you decided to wander through the dark hallways of your home and sneak into the main kitchen. The peace and quiet you were hoping for as you devoured some chocolate chip cookies was absent and the kitchen roared with about half a dozen servants cleaning and packaging the food for donation. No one stopped their tasks because you entered the room, so you took that as an invitation to peck through the food on the counters. You found the sweets near the middle tables, still unpacked and freshly baked from this morning. You stacked a few cookies and lonely blackberries onto a single napkin, pulled out a chair, and sat to relish the flavor of each small creation. 

“Sugar at night will give you nightmares.”

You chuckled lightly, turning to smile at the only servant who took notice of your presence. “It’s worth it if this is the last time I’ll taste Hernando’s baked wonders.”

“Oh, don’t speak like that! Soon you’ll be back here and stuffing your face with all kinds of sweets.”

She wiped down the counter behind her quickly so she could sit beside you. You offered her a cookie, handing one to her but she declined. 

“What’s got you awake at near midnight? You have a busy day ahead and you need to rest up,” she said, folding her washcloth absentmindedly. Although you wanted to be fully honest with someone, you still kept most of your worries confidential. 

“I don’t want to go back to America,” you admitted. 

She scoffed, an action that modeled her desires rather than yours. “Why would you want to stay here? All of your father’s family is back in the states!”

You shrugged, taking a bite of your cookie. You spoke softly as to not invite gossip from others, “If I don’t go, then I won’t get married. Besides, all my family is out West. We’re staying on the east coast.”

She gave a sympathetic look, reaching out to tap your hand gently. “We’re not all meant to marry for love. But most of us do fall in love after… gradually.”

You scrunched your nose in slight annoyance, realizing that she had completely glossed over the mention of your family and the distance between them. “My mother said the same thing.”

“She is an honest woman. Perhaps she is right and you are just stubborn.”

Now wanting to end the conversation, you stuffed a cookie into your mouth so she would be forced to continue speaking without your input. She instructed another servant to pour you a cup of tea that had just finished heating.

“Who knows, dear? He could turn out to be more wonderful than you expected.”

Clearing your throat, you brushed your hands off on a nearby napkin and carefully handled the tea, standing from the table with a slight frown on your face. 

“One can only hope,” you said, bidding the midnight staff goodbye. “Please tell Hernando that I will miss his cooking.”

The cookies had relieved you of some of your building stress and the tea was also aiding in your recovery, but they quickly digested and sat in your half-empty stomach. You took long glances at the walls of the hallway adorned with family portraits, random maps, and lifesize sculptures leaning against them. You were saying goodbye in your own way, the only way possible, and it felt somewhat nostalgic - so quiet and yours. 

There was a strong possibility that you would return, but for some reason there was a need to say goodbye. Because if you never did return, you knew it wouldn’t be by your own choice.

Thank you so much for your lovely comments! It truly means a lot. -Moni xx

[itsjustafia]

Destiny & The Titans

Since the theme of season 3 is DESTINY, I started thinking of how it could be involved in each character’s arc. Basically my predictions with a little bit of what I hope to see. It’s long, I got carried away 🙃

KORY

Kory’s whole story revolves around destiny. Her whole life she’s known what her destiny is and has working towards it. But after she comes to earth and is able to experience freedom for the first time, she’s torn between doing what she has to do and doing what she wants to do. But Kory has run out of time to make a choice; and all the consequences of her actions have now caught up to her all at once and it’s becoming hard for her to handle. I’m really interested to see how her demeanor will change in s3. Kory’s known to be the positive light of the group, but with everything going on with Blackfire she’s definitely shown signs of manic behavior, like the therapist said. So it’ll be interesting to see how she acts around the team. Will she have random outbursts at the team, or distance herself from them? Either way I can see them all being worried about her, especially Dick, which will force her to tell them everything. Anyway, I’m super excited for her arc, and to see the dynamic between Kory and Kom explored.

DICK

Dick is finally Nightwing. He has finally overcome his violent ways, and has forgiven himself for what his past mistakes. His destiny is now being a leader to his new family and team. He needs to now trust in them and their abilities, and not take matters into his own hands; no more self-sacrificing.  He also needs to loosen up and be more approachable.  I hope we get to see a lot more team meetings and discussions about whatever they’re dealing with; and Dick checking up on the younger Titans and giving them some comfort and advice.

***DICKKORY***

They just need to be together.

GAR

Gar has been through so much he needs a hug and some therapy, first of all. But his destiny is ultimately to become Beast Boy and to not be ashamed of that; it’s part of his DNA. As of now he can only turn into a tiger, but the tiger probably reminds him of all the bad he did while under CADMUS’ control. I’m thinking he might be apprehensive to shift into it now, so that might push him to want to transform into different animals. But back in s1 he mentioned that he became a tiger because that’s his favorite animal. So his arc for the season could be figuring out how his powers work, with the help of his teammates. This could hopefully give us a look into his past because we don’t actually know much about Gar.

RACHEL

Even after defeating Trigon, Rachel is still struggling to control her powers. They’re changing, and she’s having a hard time dealing with them. Her destiny is accepting that she’s different and figuring out how to use her seemingly evil powers for good. Like Kory said to her, she has a choice even though her parents didn’t set the best example for her; she doesn’t have to choose that same path. With Rachel being on Themyscira, I hope she gets training from the Amazons that will help her to deal with her emotions. Successfully resurrecting Donna will probably give her a confidence boost too and she’ll be able to convince herself that she’s nothing like her father.

DONNA

Donna’s destiny is obviously her transition to Troia. In her s2 flashback, she kind of had the same dilemma that Kory now has with having to choose between two different lives; one with the Titans and Garth or one on Themyscira. She ended up making her decision too late and she lost Garth because of it. Hopefully she comes back as herself, and not evil because of Rachel’s powers. When she does come back to life, I think she’ll be determined to live life how she wants to and not being stuck in the past; this involves leaving Wonder Girl behind. I’m also gonna need her and Dick to have a good talk because she owes him an apology.

CONNOR

Connor has been struggling with deciding on whether he’s more like Lex or like Clark. But I think his destiny is creating his own path and just being Connor. This will involve him picking which traits of both his dads he likes and wants to keep and which traits he has to work on keeping subdued.

HANK  & DAWN

Their destinies should be not being Titans anymore.

But anyway…

Hank was doing well at the beginning of s2. He was focusing on helping others without being a vigilante, and it was essentially helping him too; he was calmer and happier. But he got forced back in. I think he and Dawn should stay broken up. I liked the fact that he was able to realize that his relationship with Dawn was founded on loss and pain; they’re toxic together. Since Greg hinted at one of them getting a career change, I think it’ll be Hank that strays away from the team.

Dawn needs to be alone for a while. She needs to figure out who she is as person outside of a relationship. She hasn’t been single since her mother died so she probably hasn’t fully been able to deal with it. She enjoys being a vigilante because she can cause other people pain to distract from her own. Now being single, this is a good chance for her to become the pacifist/peacemaker she is in the comics.

ROSE & JASON

Not sure about them tbh.

I hope that the rumors of Rose being written off aren’t true because I’d like to see more of her character. She’s more interesting than others.

Jason’s destiny is obviously Red Hood, but his revenge on the Titans doesn’t seem valid. I understand some of the Titans were wrongfully mean to him; but that was only 4 people and one of them is dead and the other went away with her. This could all be fixed with an apology. But I’ll wait and see how that turns out.

[piduai]

what do you like or dislike about living in japan? i'm half myself, and ive never really lived there, and i always wonder how hard it would be to navigate living and working there, as someone who is a foreigner to the system (sorry if this comes up as rude...)

i like how neat and organized and effective everything is, i like the clean streets, i like the trains that are always on time and how accessible the train system across the whole country is, i like the busy train stations, i like the blood orange of the torii gates, i like that people get into an orderly line when boarding a bus, i like the spotless condition in the free toilets in convenience stores and how they’re everywhere, i like that all bureaucratic processes are causal, i like that people in the service and other industries are never rude to you, i like the bidets, i like the pretty packaging on most things, i like that selling subpar goods is unheard of, i like the starbucks seasonals, i like that vending machines are everywhere, i like that everything comes with a very detailed and comprehensive how to use guide be it a product, a service, a process or a task, i like that i don’t feel unsafe on the streets, i like that people don’t smoke while walking, i like that there’s no littering, i like the orange trees, i like the amount of shops, places and activities you can go to, i like sakura in bloom, i like the view of the mountains in small towns, i like the pebble paved gardens by traditional houses, i like amazon prime, i like that everything has a designated place, i like the cafes with neatly arranged beige tables, i like that everyone keeps quiet on public transportation, i like that people who have been brought up in safety and economic security feel lax enough to leave their phones on the table when they go to use the bathroom, i like hydrangea blooming in june and manjusaka blooming in october, i like that nobody robs the passed out drunks on sunday mornings in the middle of shinjuku, i like the trust system of leaving 100 yen when you draw the omikuji, i like the amount of shiba dogs i see on the street and how their owners let me pet them, i like a lot of other stuff. when i say that i love japan i always think of small, trivial things in daily life rather than general big ones (which i like too!) like a big economy or a good infrastructure. i grew up in a post-soviet country in poverty and abuse where mcdonalds was a luxury, bribes were not only normal but expected and encouraged, people are aggressive, poor, unhappy, close-minded and suspicious, so it’s all a matter of comparison. a lot of the things that westerners may take for granted are marvelous to me. another thing is that i chose japan specifically because it’s a secluded island difficult to reach so i could escape my family and give them no opportunities to haunt me. they know nothing about my life and can not do anything to me while i’m here.

what i don’t like is mostly small things too. fruit is unreasonably expensive, the shift of going from, say, 100 yen for 1 kg of peaches to 500 yen for 1 peach still hits me hard, i love fruit and being unable to have it often greatly annoys me. a lot of foods that i consider staple are overpriced in general, cheese is expensive as fuck and tastes like shit, the milk is weird, the bread and the chocolate are absolutely disgusting, bruh THE PIZZA is both wildly overpriced AND tastes absolutely repulsive... i think it’s mostly food lol i do miss the cuisine from home and so did every single other foreigner i knew who stayed here for longer than 2 months. i think that no matter how much you love a foreign food you’ll always long for the stuff that you were eating your whole life, that’s just how humans are... what else. i don’t wanna talk about work culture, hierarchical law, cultural misogyny, nationalism, overwhelming amount of prostitution and pedophilia, those are heavy subjects that all require contextualizing. there are a lot of small things that annoy me i am sure but i prefer to just not focus on them so i forget about them unless i have to confront them. oh and the summer heat and humidity, summers in japan are fucking BRUTAL as all fuck.

immigration is a difficult process that requires sacrifice and putting up with certain things you don’t want to put up with regardless of the place. at the end of the day an immigrant will always be an outsider and a different kind of person, even if completely naturalized. i don’t know where you live, but if you were born in the global west and don’t need to go through the hardships of moving countries in order to chase a better life, i’d be counting my blessings. i’ll always be envious of people who were lucky enough to be born somewhere where the rest of the world wishes their children could move to.

also i don’t want to be discouraging but every single halfie i’ve met who has lived in the west expressed a desire to go back, like not a single exception. they like visiting but they definitely preferred their lives in europe/the us/oz. the experiences of complete foreigners and half-japanese people are very, very different. halfies always seem to be in a transcendent place, if they don’t look foreign enough they don’t get the automatic special treatment that the foreigners get, they’re judged more harshly if their japanese is lacking or they mess up at something, but they’re still considered _foreign_, not part of the whole, outsiders. on the other hand they can pass as locals and get the privileges that come with that. difficult situation. as i said i’ve never met one who would be like ‘actually i like life here much more’, they always wanted to go back. at the end of the day japan is very much a conservative, traditionalist, rigid, patriarchal society with a lot of corporate abuse, if you’re like me and grew up in the same climate this whole thing isn’t new, but if you’re a westerner and grew up used to your human dignity and rights being respected and having individual freedom, it can very much feel like a downgrade.

[bettertheworld]

To change, you have to change.

The most important crash-course our planet is on is with itself, it doesn't matter that in billions of years our solar system is going to collide with a nearby galaxy, our planet is on a crash-course with human habits and they're already ruining the world bite-by-bite, meal-by-meal.  

Yes, there are other factors threatening our existence causing climate change, but none of those factors have as much impact as what we ingest as 'foods' and 'drinks'. None of those other factors can be compromised because people need to travel to and from work, move about the world, people need to get goods from one part of the world to another etc...  

What people don't need is to support the burning and deforestation of the Amazon Rainforest and other grasslands to allow cattle to graze, we don't need meat to exist as a thing that keeps us fed - that idea is 100s of years old and if you haven't heard, Justus Von Liebig was wrong – very wrong.  For an idea that old to be so strongly affecting us today, means we're living in the past - we don't need animals to get ample protein in our lives.  Ignoring the problems the present is creating is a true and horrible crime of today, but you should also realize that someone is pulling the strings behind the scenes and initially, it's not our fault. If this scenario were a person in their life, a medical doctor would send that person to a psychotherapist, and you know that doctor would have already started them on an SSRI among other drugs that they would be getting kick-backs on.

Later on I'll describe to you what the Disease Model is, and how Doctors operate within those boundaries to keep us sick, but alive.

The Covid-19 pandemic is the canary in the coal-mine telling us that if we don't change our ways, minds, and belief systems, it's going to be too late to save life as we know it; look at Covid-19, it’s already doing that.  Misguidedly, I tried so many times to inform and help people accept the facts, but at that time, I didn’t know that, new facts are polarizing, they don’t just change belief-systems. I burnt so many bridges wasting effort on people who weren't ready to accept new information, who didn't want to change, and who at best wanted to make me look like a blabbing fool.  What does it take to make someone talking pure gold look like their talking garbage? The answer is a loyal following.  Take away the loyalists, and you take away Those-Who-Resist's ground to stand on. Inform the following, and instead of working against them, like Othello, you're now working with them.  Seems easy, but it's an absolute nightmare sometimes to be on this mission – while trying to do life.

The bottom line is this, If we don't change our eating habits, we're going to be looking back on 2020 and we're going to regretfully say, 'we should have listened, we should have read the true science and informed ourselves and understood that vegan activists are sharing information so that we can minimize our impact which elongates the future for generations to come, not to take away anyone's rights or freedoms today'.  You might not see all of those right away, but I need to make the point about 2020 and it's a bit cheesy, here it is in a series of extremely short sentences. 2020. Vision. Hindsight. (You see what I’m doing here?) Covid-19.  Human deaths. Animal flu Spillover. Cause of covid. These points are all strongly connected and the answer to the problem is, leave the animals alone.  We can easily be getting all nutrients from plants, thereby eliminating the ability for animal flu spillover, stopping future pandemics and living successfully and healthfully. Wow, seems simple. If you need proof about how vegans can kill it physically, check out Nimai Delgado on Instagram.  Here's a hint - do not worry about adequate protein intake – I would worry a whole lot more if I still ate meat.

Did you know that a chickpea has every amino acid that your body needs and none of the cholesterol that lays down fatty streaks in your arteries?  Dietary cholesterol only comes from eating animal products.  Did you know that of the 20 amino acids, only 9 are essential?  Did you know that plants make amino acids? Did you know plants make ALL amino acids? Did you know you can live healthfully with just eating plants? If you doubt, check out nutritiondata.com; it will set you free.

I had the hindsight to realize that we are the problem, what I was eating was harming me, and that change happened without me forfeiting anything and that what I needed to thrive and live my best, most fulfilling and healthiest life was growing in the ground and putting carbon back into the ground thereby removing carbon dioxide from the air? What was being bled out, hung upside down, chopped into pieces, packaged, and then referred to as Halal Beef or 'extra-lean ground chuck' was killing me from within.  It is my hunch that in the future, Halal will be condemned as an inhumane and non-sustainable practice.  If you doubt my words, consider watching Earthlings, and I mean ALL of Earthlings – It's free on Youtube.

Covid-19 was caused by humans' interactions with animals.  You can try to re-word, re-frame, re-everything the previous sentence, but you can't, we caused it by conquering the world and being negligent with our logistics and lack of science.  It doesn't matter if you can conjure up conspiracy theories or already understand that it's our closeness with animals that has caused the pandemic. I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty details because that's already been done.  I'm here to send a wake-up call to anyone who will listen, anyone who will change, anyone who cares about their children, nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, parents, or anyone who will live beyond your years, basically anyone beyond yourself.  Yes these are strong words, but these are grim times.

Are you going to be in the group who changed given the information that is out there, or will you be in the stubborn group who thinks they can interpret the science better than the professionals can? Are you going to continue to believe that every falsely "debunked" meat-free solution as a result of fake news is remotely inclusive or correct? Are you going to choose greed and personal choice over minimizing your impact on the future?  Are you going to let fake news scare you into eating meat?  The only reason why you have a choice today is because of capitalism, but is capitalism helping or killing you? Take capitalism away, and you would be left with no choice, you would be doing what is best for the planet because that’s also best for you and, if you don’t know, climate change is already here!  

Again, I'm not here to take away your personal choice, I'm here to instill a sense of agency within you, to give you the power to take control of your life, to be in the driver's seat with regard to your own health, and to reframe the choices that you have so that you can choose better for whatever the rest of your years look like or whatever may come to be on this planet because of you.  Do you want to be part of the solution, or would you rather defend your right to live unsustainably because you have money?

Take the rich for example, whatever you want, you get because they have the money for it. Well, consider the fact that heart disease has not been linked to a lower socioeconomic status, instead it affects everyone roughly equally if you're all eating an equal amount of animal protein and animal fats, you're all getting just about the same amount of sick (ignoring specific nutrient deficiencies).  Whether you're eating the rarest of blood-dripping steaks with the fanciest 1000-thread count napkins on your laps, or you're going through a McDonald's drive-thru dropping lettuce all over your car because all your bank account will let you do is get a Bacon-Double-Cheeseburger and the person who made it can’t get all the lettuce between the patties, either way that animal fat is being pushed into your arteries by your blood pressure and the animal protein is wreaking havoc in your body promoting your genes to signal cancer growth within your body. It doesn't matter if you're eating only white meat vs red, animal protein does not promote optimal health for a human being.  

Eating meat was the exception and necessary at one point in time within evolution, but it was never meant to be a long-term solution, how do I know this? Our bodies tell us that. Our teeth are flat for grinding roughage, our teeth cannot shred muscle very well.  We have elongated GI systems designed to absorb complex carbohydrates, our stomach acid is not as strong as true carnivores.  We require vitamin C in our diet which relates to us having trichromatic vision, vs Lions that only see black, white and grey. Vitamin C is found in plants, not meat.  Yes we have the ability to digest meat, but it wreaks havoc on our bodies, and it takes a long time to see the result of that action develop into symptoms of various cardiovascular diseases, and cancers.

With regard to deciding to finally kill Betsy the cow because you’re starving and need to eat something? Can you imagine being that person who had to hack up the first cow when it went against their way of life at the time? How traumatic it would be! Maybe you can imagine doing it yourself right now, and or it's time to think, "If I can't do it, how am I going to pay someone else to do it?  Ask yourself that 3 times.

Necessity has a way of changing us because we’ll do anything to survive. Whether you accept it or not, we're already at that point of necessity with regard to climate and I’m glad someone has done something about it.  Look at Greta Thunberg, if you haven't seen her documentary, I highly recommend it, it's called 'Greta'. A child who has been handed an unfair start at life, facing a climate crisis and being left to think, 'what's the point of me doing anything other than this?' The answer to her question is 'quite honestly, barely any". Her campaign of 'Skolstrejk for Klimatet', translated it means "school-strike for climate" has gained momentum and woken people up, but was that her resonsibility in the first place? We all know the answer to that, and that proves that our ignorance is making the future more and more unfair for each child born, and if that’s your child, and if you eat meat, you truly do not what to offer the best planet to your children.

I have to address this quickly because so many people refer to it.  If 'God' created the world, the bible via prophets and animals to eat, then god also created Science and Philosophy and Logic, which has now proven many facts about diet and disease, so how are we going to defend eating meat with words of the bible and ignore the Science, Philosophy and Logic that was also bred of God? You tell me what you come up with.

You tell yourself that it's just one meal, it's just a couple meals a day, or it's every meal and it's your choice and you can do whatever you want to your body.  That is true because capitalism allows that, but if you want to grow and become better than you already are, you should really ask yourself a question that about 98% of people ignore - "Am I doing this whole food thing right?" And therefore, "Am I giving myself too many allowances? Do I have a realistic or horribly unrealistic view of my own life and my existence?"  Yes, it goes deep, but is it too difficult to critically look at yourself? Think beyond yourself.

For those educated regarding Critical Theory and higher degrees of thought in school, you may ask yourself a lot more questions than that, but before you begin to answer them with regards to food, do not even think about answering them with regard to your experience if you have only tried eating one way, you need to go with science on this one and use yourself as an experiment - make changes, and gauge how you feel – cut the meat and dairy, align your thoughts and feelings with what is on your plate.  

It was only a year ago Canada made their first food guide without Research from the companies providing the animal products.  Is it just me or does it seem crazy to have ever used research from Beef producers about beef?  Regarding the changes which nearly left meat out completely, I have my own conspiracy theories as to why meat was left in, but take a hint people, it was all but removed. Wake up and smell the chickpeas, ditch the animal products.

What do you think your children, grand-children, great-grand-children, etc.. will think of you? No you will not meet all that come to be because of you but they'll know if you were the first go ditch meat, and take control of your health. You have the power to choose, you have the agency to act autonomously and to think for yourself.  What legend do you want to leave behind? What are they going to say about you if you refuse to change?  

My mother has smoked my entire life, always telling me that she'll quit, it's hard I know, but after 35 years, I've given up trying to change people, instead I refuse to keep secret for her, her habits that are shortening her life day in and day out. Telling her that if she dies of anything related to her smoking or eating habits, that I will use her as an example to teach my nieces about cause and effect.  Call me brutally honest, call me anything you want, but before all, call me a realist.

Did you know that even in abusive relationships, the abused will at times defend the abuser? Did you know that happens a lot more than you realize? Maybe now you can realize that you're being abused by the meat-producers and now you're defending them by defending your 'right' to eat meat?

I think we are ready to remove the veil, but to do so you'll have to do the research yourself and not just take my word for it. Everything I spout nowadays, is the opposite of what I knew myself to be in 2014. The fact that I have been through university with a degree in Human kinetics, spending time with nutrition and other Biomedical sciences - nothing woke me up better than meeting a Vegan who cared enough to hold my hand and walk me through what big businesses never wanted me to find out. That what we eat is killing us, the planet, and the future.  Now, science has shown us that with a vegan diet, rich of fruits, vegetables, grains, legumes, nuts and seeds, we can reverse the number top killers (heart disease and many cancers) of people caused by ingesting animal products or at least optimize your chance at fighting off or living with a disease. Eating animal products is never part of the solution, it’s the problem.

Take control of your life and inform yourself because only you can live your life.

[wordsfromthesol]

You’re a what...(4/4)

Author: @wordsfromthesol Taglist: @zalladane @ghost-brocolli Pairing: Dick Grayson x Reader Summary: Your life is turned upside down when you suddenly land in Gotham. Thankfully Dick is nearby and knows way more than he lets on. Warnings: Language, violence Word Count:  1.2k

Part One   Part Two   Part Three

Everyone had thrown out their ideas, but it seemed like no one could agree on anything. Eventually, you got frustrated and left. You weren’t even sure if anyone noticed, it seemed like they were all consumed with themselves. Borrowing a car, you made your way to the pier that you had been dropped on nearly two months ago. Sitting on the edge, you dangled your feet down, toes scraping at the water.

“Poseidon?” You paused, “Uncle…are you there?” You were about to give up when Poseidon rose from the surface.

“Your father is asking that I bring you back.”

“Shocking. Are you going to?”

He sat on the pier beside you. “I haven’t quite decided. Why are you here?”

Your eyes cast downwards as you shrugged your shoulders. “I don’t know. I just want to live my life. I don’t want to be in the middle of any of this.”

“Hm. Does anyone?”

“Hera probably gets a kick out of it” you chuckled to yourself at the thought of her attempting to live drama free.

Poseidon attempted to conceal a smile, “She does seem to thrive on other’s misery.”

The two of you sat in silence for a while before you finally spoke again. “Hades thinks Zeus just wants me in Olympus for his own gain. That I can remain on earth without throwing off the balance.”

“Hm. I don’t know, Y/N. I think my brother’s power has caused him to become more selfish and arrogant over time. Hades could be correct, but I don’t think anyone knows for sure.”

“So, is it time to send me home?”

“No. I don’t think I could if I wanted to. Especially with him staring me down for the past fifteen minutes.” Poseidon pointed over his shoulder. You didn’t even realize Dick had come after you. Leaving Poseidon, you made your way over to Dick’s side.

“Come to bring me back?”

“No, just wanted to check on you. It’s been a long day.”

“Can we just go home?” You didn’t even realize you had begun to think of Dick’s apartment as home. And the word felt natural, more natural than calling Olympus home. Dick looked at you, puzzled, but nodded in agreement.

“Who was that?”

“Poseidon.”

Dick choked on his breath at your words. “So I was staring down a god. Great.” You feigned amusement but couldn’t keep your mind off your current situation. Dick could tell.

**

It was three in the morning when you were startled awake, for once not by agonizing dreams. It seemed as if Hades was successful for one night, however, now your father invaded your thoughts without Hypnos’ help. You paced back and forth before deciding to see if Dick was awake. You barely cracked the door before hearing his voice.

“Was wondering when you would make your way in here. I heard you start pacing five minutes ago.”

“I just…” Dick motioned for you to join him. “What if there’s nothing we can do? What if I need to go back?”

“Did Poseidon say something to you? I can’t believe that sentence just came out of my mouth.”

“Just that no one knows what will happen if I stay on earth…I don’t think he will side with my dad.”

“Isn’t that good news?”

“I guess.”

**

Days passed and most of them were filled with arguing. Most of them caused you to leave the meetings entirely. You spoke with Poseidon more in the past few days than you had in a thousand years. He even helped you communicate with Hades. Between the three of you, you finally got some information you could use to your advantage. Hera doesn’t know that Diana is the daughter of Hippolyta and Zeus. How he has managed to keep that secret baffled you all, but here you were finally able to hatch a plan.

The next day when you walked into the Watchtower people were already screaming at each other. You let your power surge through the room

“Enough!” You waited for the room to quiet. “I already know what to do and the only one I need or WANT is Diana.” The crowd looked around, waiting for someone else to confirm your command. “DO I NEED TO MAKE YOU ALL LEAVE?” You had grown tired of them talking about your fate as if you weren’t there and now you had an actual plan and they ignored you once again.

“What’s happened?” Diana questioned once the two of you were alone. You proceeded to explain everything you had learned from your uncles.

“He’s only going to come to earth as a last resort. There will be a fight before I can get to him. But I need you by my side in the end. To convince him. And I want you to be okay with the plan, because if it comes to fruition you will receive the wrath.”

“I understand. I will bear the weight to help you sister.”

“I’ll tell Hermes that I’m ready to talk to my father. He is going to send people to take me back to Olympus. We need a team ready to fight. You know these people better than I, I trust you to choose.”

**

A small group of heroes joined you, you tried to chose as remote a location as possible. Just as you predicted, Zeus was not in the mood to simply talk. He sent hoards of creatures but thankfully Diana chose well. As the battle raged around you, you sent out a burst of power, clearing your surroundings.

“COME FACE ME LIKE THE GOD YOU THINK YOU ARE!” A large bolt of energy struck the ground and the fighting seemed to stop. “Wonder Woman, on me. The rest, leave!” You called out, yet two joined your side. Diana and Dick. “Nightwing, you need to leave, quickly!”

“Sorry Y/N/N, that’s not going to happen.”

“Zeus is almost here!”

“Yeah, and I’m not letting you face that psycho without me.”

Before you could argue any further, Zeus stood before you.

“What is this?! You think you can order for my presence?”

“Yeah, I think I can. Should I call Hera down here too?” You gestured towards Diana.

“What and show her an Amazon? She knows of their people.”

“You still sticking with that story?”

“You are just a child, stop messing with things you don’t understand.”

“Only if you stop pretending to know everything. Hades and Poseidon have even agreed that we don’t know what will happen if I stay on earth.”

“I KNOW!”

You sighed, looking at your feet. Realizing that you would never make him see reason. “If you don’t accept this, I will tell Hera. A war will ensue. Your brothers are on my side, they believe your power has made you arrogant and peremptory.”

“You threaten me?! They dare threaten me?!”

“Do you see them here? Do you see me with a sword at your throat? I only ask for my own freedom. I will do what I must to get it.”

“For now…peace is more important. But trust me when I say, your blackmail will not hold forever. I need you at my side in Olympus.”

Once he disappeared you collapsed into Dick’s arms. “He’ll never stop.”

He pulled you close to him, “But you’re free for now. Live for the now.”

[notebooknebula]

Dave Seymour - Unlocking the Code to Multi Family Investing

https://www.jayconner.com/dave-seymour-unlocking-the-code-to-multi-family-investing/

Dave Seymour - Unlocking the Code to Multifamily Investing. Commercial Real Estate has some of the best overall returns out of all asset classes. Yet the majority of investors are unable to participate due to a lack of information and options. Freedom Venture Investments is breaking down the barriers to entry, giving our clients clarity and confidence, while always being results-driven. Discover how Dave went from Fire Fighter to Real Estate Investor.

https://www.Jayconner.com/trial

Get a 30 day trial to Jay Conner's Private Money Academy (May end without warning)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Jay Conner (00:07): Well, hello there! And welcome to another episode of Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner. I’m Jay Conner. The Private Money Authority. And the host of our show. If you’re brand new to Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner, whether you’re listening in on iTunes or Google play, or following us on one of our YouTube channels or Facebook live streaming, we’re glad you’re here. If this is your first time, we talk all about different kinds of real estate. Single family houses, commercial, land deals, self storage, anything to do with real estate investing. And again, if you’re brand new, I’m known as The Private Money Authority because from 2003 to 2009, I was relying on local banks and mortgage companies to fund my deals. And I got cut off like the rest of the world did in 2008, 2009. And I learned about this wonderful world of private money.

Jay Conner (01:07): So I haven’t missed out on a deal since 2009 for not having the funding. And so if you would like to get plugged in to funding for your single family houses, I’ve got a free online training waiting for you to go to, so check it out after the show is over. Go on over to www.JayConner.com/MoneyPodcast. That’s JayConner.com/MoneyPodcast. And there I’ll be teaching you the five easy and quick steps from having no funding for your deals to, into the millions of funding. Again, without relying on banks or mortgage companies. Well, also here on Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner, since we launched in June of 2018, I’ve had some amazing guests here on the show, share their secrets and strategies as to what they’re doing.

Jay Conner (02:03): And today is no exception. So my guest today after 16 years as a firefighter and a paramedic, he launched his career rapidly becoming one of the nation’s top real estate investors. So within his first few years, he had transacted millions of dollars of real estate and have become one of the nation’s leading experts in both residential and commercial transactions. Well, his passion for business and real estate put him on the radar of A&E television network, as well as multiple news organizations like CBS, ABC, CNBC, Fox news, and CNN. In addition to that, the New York times reported that his series titled Flipping Boston posted the highest ratings ever for the A&E network at the time of its airing. His greatest joy comes from being a husband and a father to three boys. And so with that, I’m so excited to have your own the show with us today, Mr. Dave Seymour! So Dave, welcome to the show.

Dave Seymour (03:09): Hey Jay! How are you, man? I tell you, it’s funny. I listened to the, I listened to that intro and I’m, man, I sound pretty cool.

Jay Conner (03:15): And Scott, I will need for you to do a little edit right here because my internet has stopped working. So I’ve got a sign out and sign back in. So if you would, Scott, come to the forefront and keep Dave alive and I will be right back,

Dave Seymour (03:30): Oh, Man! I miss him already. So I got to do the show without Jay. Is that what you’re telling me, Scott?

Scott Paton (03:36): That’s right! That’s right! It’s just you and me. So,

Dave Seymour (03:39): That’s all right. It’s all good, man. I can play this game. No worries.

Scott Paton (03:45): What part of the country are you in?

Dave Seymour (03:47): Oh yeah, we’re up in Boston. Boston, Massachusetts. It’s where they threw the tea in the Harbor. We’ve been going through a little bit of a heat wave up here right now. So it’s an interesting time, man. I mean the real estate game in Boston has always been incredibly fluid and it continues to be. And I gotta be honest, man. I’m questioning some of the common sense that people use in the real estate marketplace right now. So I’m a super conservative investor.

Scott Paton (04:14): So you think people are being too aggressive?

Dave Seymour (04:17): Yeah, man! I mean, look! People sometimes forget. I mean, I listened to Jay’s intro and he had his own challenges in 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, which we all did. And you know, there were investors that folded up their tent and never came back out to play after that. And Hey man! Welcome back!

Jay Conner (04:39): I got kicked off the internet for some strange reason. And so, ever since you started talking, I haven’t heard a word, you said.

Dave Seymour (04:47): Don’t worry. Nobody listens to me, including my wife, Jay. So it’s all good, man. No worries.

Jay Conner (04:55): Scott can edit this for us anyway, but so let’s pretend like I just said welcome to the show and you picked it off from there.

Dave Seymour (05:03): All right, man. Well, I appreciate you having me on the show, Jay. Thank you for having me. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, even with all of the chaos and the craziness going on in the world, for sure.

Jay Conner (05:13): That’s for sure, Dave. Well now I’m really curious about how you got on the A&E network and got your show started. What was it called? Flipping Boston?

Dave Seymour (05:27): Flipping Boston. Yeah. So I was listening to your intro, Jay. It was kind of interesting that you developed a new source of capital for your deals because the market kind of went sideways and I went through that same experience myself. I got, I started investing. I was a firefighter, like you said on the intro there for 16 years. But unfortunately I had the financial intelligence of a donkey and I did not, I didn’t understand capital. I didn’t understand how it worked. And I’m just following the same plan that everybody else is. And I went to a seminar to learn real estate and I’m a product of that seminar world. And the funny thing is, man, is I invested the last couple of thousand dollars that I didn’t have. Well, my wife did. I didn’t, it was her credit cards.

Dave Seymour (06:14): I was maxed out with a credit score of two. So nobody was giving me credit. But it’s kind of interesting. I did what my mentors and coaches told me, like, you know, I listened to you again at your intro, talk about the newer investors, or maybe you got some seasoned investors listening to us today, or watching us. But I just followed what worked. And next thing you know, I’ve done one deal, two deals, three deals, four deals. I’m actually doing a little teaching myself and somebody in the marketing world reached out to me and said they were looking for teams to start another show. And I was still firefighting. So I was like, firefight in 42 hours a week. And real estate invest in every other hour I was awake. And I sent in an application to New York and no offense to anybody, but I loaded it with profanity cause I wanted to make sure they paid attention to what I wrote on my little application.

Dave Seymour (07:09): Yeah. They came, they picked up the phone and the guy was kind of laughing. And he said, you’re either a lunatic or a genius. I said, is there a difference? And we started filming a little sizzle reel and we did four episodes and like you said, in the intro, their ratings were the highest they ever had for that time slot. And they said, well, people like you. And I’m like, I was just doing it for fun. I didn’t think it would ever go anywhere. And you can actually see the episodes on Amazon right now, Amazon prime in the video section. Yeah. So me and Jeff Bezos struck a deal. No, we didn’t. You can find the episodes on there. And you know, I got that reputation as an expert in the marketplace and with that comes a, you know, some really good relationships and you have to find yourself sitting on Squawk Box and Fox News and all of that silliness. So it’s kinda, it’s kinda cool, man. It was a cool journey.

Jay Conner (08:04): That is really cool! So let me give you the 30,000 foot view question and that is, why did you choose real estate for yourself?

Dave Seymour (08:13): Yeah. Look man, it’s, like I said, I was good at working, you know, and trading time for money. I’m kind of like a blue collar guy in a white collar world when it comes to that stuff, you know? I was instilled with some good solid core values, you know, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t steal, work hard, respect your fellow man, you know, have a little faith and do the right thing. And that’s great. Don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t give you any financial freedom because the income potential is capt. And you know, I was working construction on my days off from the firehouse and I was watching these investors like popping up. And I’m thinking to myself, hold on a second, I’m building a deck, digging a ditch. I’m sitting on a post hole Digger with a bunch of friends here and this guy’s coming in and you don’t look too sweaty and he don’t look too dirty.

Dave Seymour (09:07): He looks like he’s had himself a good old time. At his back bone aching. I think his wife is probably happy as well. Right? It was the investors. And I found myself in a position where I was losing my house, man, because I made some bad decisions. And I always knew there was money in real estate. I never understood the stock market investing in something that was imaginary. And I just went for it. I went to a seminar and my wife invested in me and I started doing what they said I should do. And the results followed afterwards. So real estate has been the biggest wealth builder in the history of animation period. And why should I reinvent the wheel? Why don’t I just learn the processes and get in the game? And that’s when I took her like a duck to water, man. I’m passionate about it. I love it. I dream about it all the time. So yeah.

Jay Conner (10:03): What year did you go to that first real estate investing seminar?

Dave Seymour (10:07): Yeah, I went in early 2000. And late 2007. Early 2008. I came out just as the crap hit the fan, man!

Jay Conner (10:21): No, I tell you, you know, here in the midst of COVID-19 reminds me somewhat of what was going on in 2008, 2009, as far as, you know, banks tightening up and et cetera. And it was a blessing in disguise for me back in 2008, 2009, because that’s when I learned about private money and when the banks cut me off within three months, I had more money at my disposal. When I went out to raise money. Than I had, when I had a line of credit at the bank And I’m experiencing somewhat the same thing going on right now. I mean, I just had a phone call last week from four guys that have a private equity fund that want to give me $5 million just to start doing business with them. Right? They called me, they called me, I didn’t call them. Right. I have someone listening to my podcast here, not too long ago. They were laid up in the hospital for three days, listening to the podcast, they call my office and they want to lend me money.

Dave Seymour (11:23): What a terrible problem to have, Jay.

Jay Conner (11:29): So, now, how quick were you able to move once you got your education and start enjoying some success?

Dave Seymour (11:34): Yeah, that’s a great question, man. You know, I’d love to tell you. You know, 30 days and it was all fixed. I mean, that would just be a flat out lie. You know wealth creation is a process. It’s not an event. For me it took me, it took me 12 months to 18 months to be what I call financially free. And what I meant by that was, was that I was able to sleep eight hours. You know, I wasn’t waking up at three o’clock in the morning, you know, riddled with fear, doubt, and insecurity. So it took some time it took a commitment and some traction. But to your point, about 2008, I mean, I was telling people, cause that’s what my mentors told me to do was to tell everybody what I was doing. And I was telling people, you know, I’m a real estate investor, I’m investing, I can buy distressed assets and you know, I can put them back on the market and I’m giving them the whole elevator pitch.

Dave Seymour (12:26): And back then a lot of people were like, Ooh, Oh, I’m so sorry that that’s what you have to do for work. Like, you know, it was like a disease that we had as real estate investors in 2008, 2009. But like you, sir, I created an opportunity out of it, I can’t, you know, I became proficient at short sales. I became profecient at loan modifications. I became proficient at private lenders. I became proficient in helping people. And I found in my career and I’m sure you’ll testify to it as well as the fact that the more time I spend helping somebody else, the better it ends up being for me, you know, that and that. I mean, you know, God is good all the time and it’s like a real good friend of mine is down in Florida right now.

Dave Seymour (13:13): And his faith is something to be admired. And he just says to me, he just says to me, David, just ask the right questions, man. Am I doing His work or my work? Right. Is it all about the almighty buck? He said, because if you find yourself just chasing the almighty buck and you’re not doing His work and taking good care of people, he said, you might find yourself facing a little bit of resistance. That’s how he puts it. And then there’d be a little bit of scripture to support it. But, you know, I love that about it. It’s like there’s nothing better than those families that we helped, you know, during the transference of wealth in this country, which is what we show in 2008, nine, 10, 11, 12, you know, to help families who were foreclosed on them and put them in a lease option. Where they could stay in the same neighborhoods, right? The kids could go to the same school. They couldn’t afford the crazy mortgages that reset, but they could afford a good decent lease option and a beautiful home to live in. And all we were doing was moving them from house to house in the same neighborhoods, you know? So you know, with some education, you can serve this stuff around pretty fast. And I’m no better than anybody else. I just did what I learned. Rather than finding excuses, I found answers. Does that make sense?

Jay Conner (14:24): It makes a lot of sense. You and I have got a lot in common, Dave, because my followers hear me say all the time, this, all the facets of the business is all about serving and helping other people, as you said, because if people didn’t have a problem, we wouldn’t have an opportunity to serve. From the buyers to the sellers, to the private lenders, you know, even when it comes to raising money. And we’re going to hear your story here shortly in the next minute or two, about how you’ve gotten into raising a lot of capitals, but, you know, I’ve never asked anybody for money. They say, Jay, how in the world are you raise all those millions of dollars without asking for money? It’s real simple. I put on my teacher cap, I teach people what private money is. I teach them what self directed IRAs are. Cause they never heard of that stuff. And, you know, the light bulbs go off. And if they’ve got investment capital or retirement funds, they’re not happy with what they’re doing. They’re going to, they’re going to want to do business with you, right?

Dave Seymour (15:24): Correct. Correct. It amazes me how many intelligent accredited investors I sit down with and communicate with. And I start giving them a breakdown of the tax advantages of using a solo, 401k as a retirement vehicle to invest in my fund, into a piece of sticks and bricks, a syndicated deal. And it’s like these light bulbs go off in their head. And I don’t know about you. You tell me this. I found that, you know, high finance on occasion, it kind of brings an air of you know, like it’s almost pretentious at times, like you’ve got this additional vocabulary than they tend to use in high finance. And I was talking to a local guy, a friend of mine, a neighbor in fact, and he’s an injury attorney, very successful. And I’m in the middle of my, you know, my conversations through teaching.

Dave Seymour (16:19): Obviously I’m raising capital with salesman. We’re good at what we do, but he’s, he stops me in the middle of it. And he says, David, David, you’ve got to stop. I go, what, he goes. I just figured out what you’re doing because I applied a logic commercial assets, you know, 60 to 150 unit apartment complexes, not just one of them, but 30, 40, 50 of them. And then I fixed them up. I get the rents up and I create a better asset. And I’m trying to give him the delivery, Jay. He says to me, David, stop it. I go, what, what what’s up? Did I offend you? He goes, no, no, no, no. He goes, I think I understand what you’re saying. He said, all you’re talking about is flipping Boston on steroids. Instead of just taking a little single family house and make it that pretty.

Dave Seymour (17:02): He said, you’re doing 5,000 units and making them pretty correct? I said, yeah, that’s right, Kevin. He said, okay, how do I subscribe? Let me see if I can get some capital into the fund, you know? And it’s amazing because it’s, you know, my trajectory, it’s interesting. We were in a marketing meeting a couple of weeks back and I had a young intern in our marketing meeting. And what we’re doing right now is we have a private equity fund and we raise capital. We invest in multifamily assets, primarily in the Gulf region of Florida, but other markets. I mean, you guys in the Carolinas in such a great position there, I mean, it’s fantastic the opportunities there. So maybe we should talk offline, Jay, but you know, these assets allow us to go in there with what’s called a core plus asset class.

Dave Seymour (17:52): What we do just like I said, we take these settings and we make them pretty, but it never was that way. I mean, the first deal I did was a $5,000 wholesale transaction on a single family home. And I felt to myself what I’d had to do in the past to make $5,000. And then when I stepped out of the attorney’s office, I’m waiting for the five votes to pull up and take me to jail. Cause I felt, it felt so bizarre to have a check for a house that I’d never owned, but I’ve learned along the way to your point to simplify it. You know, you, you lead by attraction, not by promotion. I turn away capital, Jay, because it’s not a good fit. And you know, again, the universe works in a wonderful way if it’s of service, which is, is for us because we help people with the longterm retirements. They get to invest in our fund, and they get a preferred rate of return, targeted rates of return in double digits.

Dave Seymour (18:46): And then for the life of the time that their capital was working with us, you know, then now that targeted 20% returns on their money. So it’s a, it’s a real, it’s a real good asset class. And unfortunately COVID has all, fortunately, depending on what side of the equation you choose to put yourself on. COVID has given us a massive opportunity because the buying is already there. The buying opportunities are right in front of us right now. We’re just hungry to take these assets down, help the sellers, help the tenants, help our investors. I get warmed up, man. I get on a roll. You don’t. You got to stop me and ask me questions. Otherwise I just keep going.

Jay Conner (19:23): You remind me of me when I’m on the other side of the microphone. Speaking of COVID, what’s your prediction and what’s your take on what’s the short term outlook from covid and what do you think is the longterm outlook and consequences on any front?

Dave Seymour (19:41): Yeah, it’s, you know, kind of like pull off the bandaid, man. I mean, here’s what I see. We’ve got a short term pain that we’re going to have to, we’re going to have to experience, we’re going to have to experience as a nation. We’re gonna have to experience it together. You know, depends on how you look at it. So we’ve got the full balances where the banks have, you know, allowed tenants to own us to not pay their mortgages. You’ve got a tenancy not paying their rent. We had the PPP, the protection program there for small business. You know, Mr. Trump wrote everybody a check. There’s more, you know, more capital coming out which in its essence sounds great. And it’s a difficult position, Jay. It really is because it’s like, there’s the one side of me that used to live paycheck to paycheck that understands how necessary that is.

Dave Seymour (20:44): But then there’s now the other side of me that the businessman, I look at it and I say, well, there’s no transference of services for that money. And if there isn’t a true transference of services for that capital, it’s almost like a house of cards. It’s, you know, it’s doomed to have a failure point and a stress point. And when we get there you know, we will see an increase in foreclosure. We’ll see these challenges going forward and we’ll get through. We’re America. You know, I’m an immigrant to this country. I came from England and back in 1986, I was born in London. But, you know, I, I came to the greatest country in the world for growth, for economy, for the ability to really be the best we can be. So we’re always going to overcome. So short term, I’m sorry, we’re going to have to feel the pain.

Dave Seymour (21:34): Longterm, there’ll be two kinds of people just like they were in 2008, 2009, 2010, there’ll be victims and there’ll be victors. And, you know, I sense that we will be the victors and that’s not a moral battle. It’s just an intellectual battle of finance and real estate and business. But to be on the other side of it, as a Victor, we have a greater opportunity to help the people who didn’t, who didn’t come along the journey with us on the financial side. That’s kinda my full process on it. And that’s why we’re so bullish on our buying right now, we would invest the capital because everybody else is fearful. We go in there and we just get the good buying opportunities,

Jay Conner (22:15): Take a couple of minutes and tell us in summary, your journey from, I suppose you started with single family houses, you mentioned you’re for real being a wholesale deal. And then you went into commercial and now you are in the capital raising business, and you have a fund that people can take advantage of and invest in. Tell us, give us an overview of that journey of when, what and why.

Dave Seymour (22:43): Yeah, well, we don’t have nearly enough time, Jay. I’ve always tried to say it in three words, but it always comes out in 300 for some reason. It’s like I said, man, I learned the fundamentals of real estate. First transaction was a wholesale transaction for a house I never owned and I made 5,000 bucks. And I thought to myself, if it’s legal, if it’s honest and it’s ethical, I’m not going to do this once. I’m going to do it as many times as I can. And, you know, you slowly get out of debt. And then I stopped doing a little bit of a single family. Then I’m doing a lot of single family. Then I pick up that first two family unit and then a triplex and a fourplex then I’m always like got my eye on the commercial arena.

Dave Seymour (23:26): So I was in a marketing meeting, as I was saying, and I had a young intern in there and they said, why should anybody listen to you as a fund manager with a hundred million dollars invested in commercial real estate throughout the country, primarily in the Gulf coast. Guys says you’re that flipping guy from TV. And I went, Oh, from the mouth of babes. Ok, now, man I’m 21 years old, fresh out of college came in as an internship, fresh out of the mouth of babes. And it’s interesting because I have always been involved in commercial real estate. Had a portfolio of about 110 doors at one time in Sanford, Maine, which is just North of here, you know, a C class property C class neighborhood. I learned very quickly that I just want to be the bank. I don’t want to be property manager.

Dave Seymour (24:10): So, you know, I’ve learned a lot along the way. I’ve coached people through large commercial transactions of rubbed elbows in the self storage space. I’ve always avoided office and retail. How sad is it right now for you know, leisure, office and retail investing right now? It’s a very hard time. So commercial has always been in my wheelhouse. It’s always been my excitement bottom and friend of mine by the name of Walton Evicky reached out to me, raised about 125 mil and syndicated commercial deals in multifamily assets throughout the Gulf coast. And he said, I want to bring your stop power is what he said. And I always giggle when somebody says that. He’s like, well, you’ve got a national reach. He said, why don’t we combine efforts, your team, my team let’s get together, put the fund together. So the fund is now up. We’re raising capital. We’ve got a couple of acquisitions that we’re about to take down, we’re raising a hundred million dollars, we pay, like I said, a preferred return, double digit target returns to our investors. And it’s an exciting time in the middle of all this chaos, Jay. You know, it really is.

Jay Conner (25:19): That is awesome. Thank you for giving us the overview. Now, you’ve got a free ebook for our audience and listeners. So what’s the ebook that you’re offering to everybody?

Dave Seymour (25:29): Yeah, you can see right on the screen there. FreedomVenture.com that’s our front door to our website spend a little time there. Learn a little while you’re there. Scroll down to the bottom of that page and you’ll be able to download a free ebook that I wrote with my property manager. Guy by the name of John Dessauer. He is out of Chi town, Chicago. John manages approximately 3 million square feet of multifamily real estate. He’s been an active investor himself for over 20, 25 years now. We wrote that book together. It’s called Unlocking The Code To Multifamily Investing. It’s an easy read. It’s not too heavy, but it will give you the high points and it will show why investors want to invest with us. It’s protected, you know, there’s a security there. They don’t take the the liability that most investors who were actually own the assets themselves, they own a piece of the company that owns the assets. So it’s a, it’s a smarter play big picture for a lot of investors who don’t have the time to get, to get their hands dirty like we have in their careers, Jay.

Jay Conner (26:38): That’s awesome! Well, it’s been a pleasure to have you here on the show, Dave. Final parting comments.

Dave Seymour (26:45): Yeah, just know that it’s gotta be okay. It’s gonna take us a little bit of time. And so always educate don’t speculate, right? Work on the education, understand what you’re investing in, but don’t be somebody who just analyzes all the time and doesn’t do anything. All right. Take a little action. Get off the couch and get in the game. Cause there’s the best game there is. I think.

Jay Conner (27:07): That’s great! Well, there you have it folks, Mr. Dave Seymour, again, you can follow him. Get the free ebook and also find out about investing opportunities at www.FreedomVenture.com. Thanks again, Dave. Good to have you on.

Dave Seymour (27:29): Appreciate you man. Thank you. God bless. Have a great day.

Jay Conner (27:32): All right, there, you have another show folks. I’m Jay Conner. The Private Money Authority. Wishing you all the best. Here’s to taking your real estate investing business to the next level. We’ll see you on the next show.

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea//Lucky

Request: Sweets with a female reader that has adhd and like idk something fluffy maybe reader getting annoyed about not being able to get anything done or idk something cute and fluffy

Today has been an off day. 

Not your worst, but pretty bad. 

You’d been unable to focus in class, each time a teacher had given you a task, you seemed to get distracted by something else, which would make them mad, which would make you mad and end up with you being sent out of class. 

And when you did focus, you ended up just fucking up your work, meaning it had been scribbled out more times that actually written on. 

Yep...today had been a bad day. 

But now Betty Cooper was about to make it ten times worse. 

You thought as soon as the bell rang you would be able to run far away from this school and back to your room, where you could take a moment for yourself to calm down. 

But no. 

You had been so close to the front doors of Riverdale High. You were so close to freedom, when an arm wrapped around your shoulders turning you around. 

“Where are you going?” She’d asked and you stared at her annoyed. 

“Home.” You’d replied angrily and she took her arm away, letting it drop by her side. 

“Did you forget?” She asked while laughing slightly. 

“Probably, yeah.” You deadpanned and she quickly stopped laughing. 

“We all agreed to study in the library today, as a group.” 

“That was today.” You groaned and she nodded. 

Yep, today had just gotten a whole lot worse. 

Sighing, you blew a piece of hair from your face before storming after her. 

As soon as you walk into the library you feel overwhelmed. The stuffy librarian is at the front desk and she’s watching you like a hawk as soon as you walk it. You make one person spit water from their nose over an old book and you’re marked for life. 

One thing that does make you feel better is your boyfriend, sat right on the end of the table laughing quietly at something Fangs has said. A soft smile appears on your lips and you momentarily forget about your shitty day. 

You also laugh softly when you look at the table. Its the biggest one in the library and all your friends are spread out across it, but even though the divide between the Southside and Northside is long gone, there’s still a physical divide. All Southsiders are on one side, while all Northsiders are on the other. 

“Hey!” You throw yourself in the seat beside your boyfriend and his face lights up at the sight of you. He presses a quick kiss to your lips before going back to his conversation with Fangs. 

While he’s busy and everyone else is talking, you take your books from your bag and drop them on the table with a rather loud bang. 

“Oops.” You mutter and look around the room apologetically. 

“You okay?” Sweet Pea asks and you shrug. 

“Just a bad day. I’ll be alright as soon as this is over.” 

“Tell me about it.” He replies with a quiet laugh making you giggle. “Come on.” He sighs. “Lets get this over with.” 

You’re five minutes into studying when you start to get restless. 

The rest of your ‘study group’ is silent. All working furiously on writing notes or reading chapters. Even Sweet Pea has his nose buried in a book. But you can’t seem to focus. Everything is too quiet. Too still. And you have a need to fidget. 

First you tap your pencil against the table, hoping it will help you study. But when that doesn’t work, you decided to tap your fingers. And then your making a little beat (a good one at that) and then the librarian as well as Betty is staring at you, causing you to stop. 

You take a deep breath. Deciding that this time you’re really going to try and focus. You’re not going to let this get the better of you. If everyone else can do it, so can you. 

Deciding that writing notes might be the best option for you, you grab your book, flipping it to the right page. And so far its going well. Each line is sort of different. But then you feel your mind drifting away.

You’re trying to decide what to have for dinner tonight, and then what you’ll wear for school tomorrow. And why the sky is blue and not pink and-

“Y/n?” Your boyfriends hand is on yours shaking you from your thoughts and you blink at him. 

“Yeah?” 

“We’re taking a small break.” 

“Why?” You laugh. “We only just started.” 

“We’ve been doing this for almost 45 minutes.” Veronica tells you and your jaw drops. How long were you thinking. 

“Jesus Christ.” You mutter before groaning. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sweet Pea asks. You think about lying. But whats the point. They all know something is wrong and there is no way you’re going to be able to sit here for another hour and a bit.

“No.” You shake your head before quickly standing up and walking away. 

Your friends call after you but you just walk quicker. 

Why did you have to have this? It makes everything 1000 times more difficult, plus it makes you feel left out.

“Y/n!” Sweet Pea shouts behind you but you walk faster. However you hear his footsteps get closer until he’s right behind you. “Whats wrong?” He grabs your arm, stopping you from walking any further. The bookshelves are tall and dusty back here and you can tell that the only people that come here, are doing it to make out. “Y/n?” 

“Shit.” You curse loudly and his eyes widen. “I can’t even focus on you when you ask a simple question.” 

“Talk to me.” He says, sitting down. You sit beside him and lean your head against his shoulder. 

“I can’t get anything done.” You reply annoyed. 

“What?” 

“Because of this stupid thing?” You throw your hands up in defeat.

“What thing?” 

“You know, my ADHD. It makes it difficult to focus on anything and I was already having a bad day today but this has just made it worse. And while all of you are studying I’m thinking about why the sky is blue and not pink. Or why the ocean is blue and its just frustrating.” You sigh loudly. 

“The ocean is blue because of the sky.” He replies and you stare at him. 

“What?” 

“The ocean. Its blue because water absorbs colors in the red part of the light spectrum. It kind of filters it, leaving behind colors in the blue part of the light spectrum for us to see.” 

“What?” You repeat and he laughs. “How do you know that?” 

“I googled it a while ago.” 

“Oh.” 

“Anyway. Its okay that you’re having a bad day. And just because you keep getting distracted today, doesn’t mean you’ll be distracted tomorrow. And even if you do, its not the end of the world. Plus, whatever you don’t get done, I’ll help you with. Doesn’t matter what it is, even if its for a class that I don’t have. I’ll help. You’re not alone.” He tells you before kissing you softly. 

“I love you.” You whisper against his lips. 

“I love you too.” He replies. “Do you wanna ditch this ‘study group’ and do something fun?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” You smile as he helps you up. 

------

“Sweet Pea.” You groan. “You said we wouldn’t have to do this again...unless we’re here to make out.” You add on to the end and you hear him chuckle softly behind you. 

The day after your small meltdown, you were just about to make it out the doors again, when someone wrapped their arm around your shoulder...again. 

This time the arm belonged to your boyfriend so you didn’t mind that much, but you were still pissed. 

However the cheeky smile on his face made all your annoyance disappear, as it was replaced with suspicion. You’d asked what he wanted and he just guided you through the school before stopping outside of the library and covering your eyes with his hands. He slowly walks you through the library, occasionally bumping the two of you into tables before finally you stopped. 

“Okay. Ta-da!” He says, pulling his hands away. 

“Ta-da?” You ask, raising an eyebrow and he shrugs. 

“Just look.” He shoves you softly and you laugh before looking around. 

He’s set up a table in the smaller, quieter place in the library, right at the back. Its secluded and quiet and you don’t see a lot of distractions which is good. 

“Thank you.” 

“This isn’t it though.” He says, placing his finger in front of your face before digging through his bag. “I’ve been doing some research and it said that making lists and reminders can help you. So I looked at all your classes, talked to your teachers and in my free period, I made you a study guide.” He says, handing you the very large, very colourful chart. 

“Thank you.” You laugh as you look at what he made. It is very detailed and he definitely did his research. “Its perfect...thank you. 

“I told you I’d help you.” He nudges you softly. “Plus, I have some ideas for what we can do when we take breaks. I brought your favourite snacks. Bought a shit ton of fidget toys from Amazon, I don’t know if they help you but the internet said they did. Its up to you.” 

“You’re the best boyfriend in the world.” You look at him in awe. Nobody has ever done anything like this for you. “How did I get so lucky?”

Plus, we are in make-out corner...so if you get bored of all the food and fidget toys, there is definitely something else we can do.” He winks at you and you roll your eyes. 

“Okay...maybe not that lucky.” You tease and he rolls his eyes at you. 

You definitely were.

[oosteven-universe]

Infinite Frontier #0

Infinite Frontier #0 DC Comics 2021 Written by Brian Michael Bendis, James Tynion IV, Becky Cloonan, Michael W. Conrad Joelle Jones, Tim Sheridan, Phillip Kennedy Johnson, Joshua Williamson, Geoff Johns, Geoffrey Thorne, Scott Snyder Illustrated by David Marquez, Jorge Jimenez, Alitha Martinez, Mark Morales, Joelle Jones Stephen Byrne, Rafa Sandoval, Jordi Tarragona, Jamal Igle, Alex Maleev, Todd Nauck Dexter Soy, Howard Porter, John Romita Jr, Klaus Janson & John Timms Coloured by Tamra Bonvillain, Tomeu Morey, Alex Sinclair, Emilo Lopez, Jordie Bellaire, Stephen Byrne, Alejandro Sanchez, Hi-Fi & Brad Anderson Lettered by ALW’s Troy Peteri The next phase of the DC Universe begins here! Dark Knights: Death Metal presented the darkest threats of the Multiverse. DC Future State revealed what may lie ahead. Now it’s time to look into the Infinite Frontier of the current-day DC Universe. In Gotham City, The Joker jolts citizens awake with an attack even the Dark Knight never expected. In Brazil, a young woman discovers her destiny and her connection to the Amazons. In Belle Reve, Amanda Waller plots an invasion of Arkham Asylum. In the far reaches of space, Mongul dreams of galactic domination, while the Green Lantern Corps hosts a summit of its greatest enemies. At the Hall of Justice, the League joins forces with Black Adam. Beyond the mortal world, Wonder Woman settles into a new role in the godsphere. And somewhere in the DC Universe-it’s the return of Stargirl, in an all-new tale written by Geoff Johns! This oversized, all-star issue kicks off the next great era of storytelling and excitement as top writers and artists reveal what’s next for the World’s Greatest Heroes and opens the door to some of the greatest stories of 2021. Alright so here’s the introduction to next thing in DC Comics. Am I impressed, not terribly and here’s why. We’ve had so many reboots and iterations since the Original Crisis on Infinite Earths and this is an attempt to take aspects of all of them and merge them into one. There are questionable choices being made here, yes my opinion, along with this Quintessence which I guess I supposed to be their version of the omnipotent cosmic tribunal type deal. Is there any good reason Nubia is an angry black woman, Amazon? Sigh the gay Alan Scott is a mistake, again my opinion as I didn’t like that run and with Obsidian around why do both of them have to be gay, asks the gay man. I do like the Birds of Prey reference as Barbara is once again taking the mantle of Oracle. I do like seeing Jade and Obsidian and hope they will be a part of a new JSA series. I’ll reserve judgement on Titans Academy until I see more. There is so much with Jonathan Kent that I don’t agree with but hey it is what it is and that’s he conceived on one earth, born on another and raised on yet another well there’s a lot of convoluting going on there. Oh Green Arrow and Black Canary sigh yes please we need a series starring these two. Happy to see Stargirl again and with the potential of having a long lost group back makes me wonder why no All Star Squadron? That was one of the best series before Crisis and of course I want to see my Freedom Fighters as well so let’s get on those alongside a real Legion of Super-Heroes title. Simon Saint and Scarecrow hmm interesting duo but why does the latter now appear to be a cross between Edward Scissorhands and some crazy medical experiment? I also kind of want Saint to be Simon Dark but that’s my fanboy coming out. The Spectre taking Diana on a tour through the new changes was highly reminiscent of the Kingdom Come journey. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that either but I guess it was co-opted because it was an easy way to show us all the new changes. By contrast there is one arc that I am looking forward to seeing come to life in its own series and that is with the House of Heroes. Maybe we’ll finally see Captain Carrot get to be part of a team? The interiors here are wonderful as usual. Though I will say th

[archdukecaleb]

Monochrome Week 2020 — Day 1: Checkmateys

I posted this again because I totally deleted this while trying to fix the tags.

Word Count: 1592

“Unhand me, you ignorant beasts!”

Weiss pulled her arms as hard as she could, but they would not slip out of the brutishly strong grips of the two burly men that held them.

“Oh, no, Girly! Ye’re not goin’ anywhere!” said one of the men, his golden tooth, glistening.

“Not unless the captain throws ye overboard!” added the other.

The two men cackled in Weiss’ face, causing her to gag. The men were muscular. More so than anyone she had seen back at home. She reckoned that hours of manual labor around the magnificent ship they were aboard were responsible for that. Those hours also happened to be responsible for the sweat dripping down every inch of the men’s bodies, and causing them to smell like something that died weeks ago. Not to mention the strong scent of rum and God knows what else was decaying in their mouths.

“Oh, that is putrid,” Weiss gagged.

“What’s the matter, Girly? Would ye like it if I washed me mouth with a nice bottle o’ rum?”

The two men cackled harder as they passed a bottle between each other.

“How thoughtful of you…” Weiss cringed.

As charming as pirates can be, I suppose…

As Weiss was yanked from below the deck of the ship, she squinted in the bright sunlight that she knew would have burnt her skin within hours if it were not for her hooded cloak. When her eyes adjusted to the light, she could see more filthy people: men, women, humans, and faunus all working on the deck. Big, muscular men worked with the massive cannons and hauled munitions, smaller men cleaned the deck and kept inventory of freshly plundered goods, and the rest were singing sea shanties together to pass the time.

But the thing that never failed to steal Weiss’ attention was the limitless ocean that surrounded the ship. So much freedom… So many ways to go… She nearly forgot where she was in that very moment.

At this point, Weiss realized there was no point in resisting the two pirates that were currently dragging her along the ship. Their grips were far too strong. She huffed in annoyance as they pulled her to the stern of the ship, having the jolliest time of their lives.

“What do ye think the captain will do to this one?” one pirate asked the other.

“The captain will do what we always does with all the stowaways we find on the ship!” the other pirate cackled.

The first pirate practically started skipping as idiotic, childlike laughter burst from him, “The plank! The plank!”

“That’s right, Girly. The captain’s gonna make ye walk the plank!”

Weiss rolled her eyes, “I highly doubt that,” she said, unfazed.

The pirates looked perplexed, “Ye aren’t afraid? Don’t ye know what sort of foul creatures lurk in these dark waters?”

“As a matter of fact, I do kno—”

“Sharks! The size o’ those Asian elephants!” one pirate interrupted.

“Piranha that’ll tear ye limb from limb!” the other added.

“Um… no.” Weiss managed to interject, “Piranhas are strictly freshwater—"

“And don’t ye forget! The kraken is king of these waters! It’s as big as this ship, and it’ll swallow ye whole!”

Weiss sighed and adopted an unamused look, “Just take me to your captain already.”

The pirates shared a look and shrugged. They stopped in front of the captain’s quarters and looked up to where the helm was. Lo and behold, the captain was standing there, steering the ship.

“Oye, Captain! Look what we found sneakin’ about below deck!” the pirate bellowed as he presented Weiss.

The captain’s bright, golden eyes lazily fell upon Weiss’ hooded face and widened to the size of the sun overhead.

“Weiss!?”

The captain briefly nodded to her quartermaster, who took hold of the helm, and rushed down the steps that lead to the main deck.

“Hands off the lass, mates! Back to work, the both of you!” the captain commanded.

The pirates looked at each other with confusion evident on their features.

“But, Captain, we though ye—”

“Aye, you’ve both done good! Now go!” the captain demanded and pointed to a pile of cargo near the bow of the ship.

The two pirates pouted and turned on their heels.

The captain sighed and turned her attention to her stowaway, “Weiss… What in the world are you doing aboard my ship?”

Weiss laughed timidly, trying her best to avoid those sparkling amber eyes, “It’s really good to see you, Blake.”

Blake groaned and dragged her hand over her face, “This is really not good. How am I going to get you home?”

Blake turned and stormed into the captain’s quarters, followed closely by Weiss. She pulled her hat off and threw it onto a table piled with gold; revealing two, black, cat ears atop her head.

Weiss shut the door behind herself and took a moment to pull her hood back.

“You’ve put me in a horribly arduous spot, Weiss,” said Blake, “We’re nearly a day out from the bay, and you’re here instead of at home. They’ll put my head on a pike if I show up with you on my ship!”

“Well… Maybe you shouldn’t take me home, then,” Weiss hummed as she absent-mindedly played with some decorations on the wall.

Blake looked at Weiss, incredulously, “What are you getting at?”

“Oh, come now, Blake. Don’t act like you’ve forgotten what we talked about last night,” Weiss pouted as she slowly approached Blake.

Blake sighed and sat down on the edge of the table, “I remember telling you this would never work.”

“Don’t you want to try? At least give it a chance,” Weiss begged and place her delicate hands on Blake’s.

Blake looked down on Weiss’ hands over her own and frowned, “I’m a pirate, Weiss. The lord’s daughter deserves someone far nobler than me.”

“I’m not just the lord’s daughter!” Weiss cried, “This is exactly why I want to be with you, Blake!”

Weiss huffed and turned away from the captain with folded arms.

“Every day I wake up and look out the window, I see a vast ocean that lasts forever. The common folk say I have everything, but that’s not true. I have nothing! Just a title and a cage where everyone can look at me like some exotic bird from the Amazon,” Weiss ranted, “They’ve all taken away my ability to choose! Don’t you take that from me too.”

Blake looked down at her boots and stood up, “Weiss, I’m sorry. It’s just… Being with you? It feels too good to be true.”

Weiss hesitated for a moment and faced Blake again. With a small smile, she closed the distance between them and held onto her.

Blake wrapped her arms around Weiss and rested her chin atop her head with a sigh, “I’ll come see you whenever we have cargo to sell.”

“No,” said Weiss as she looked up into Blake’s eyes, “I want to come with you.”

Blake looked shocked, “What? You can’t be serious!”

“I am,” said Weiss, “I want to feel what’s it’s like to be free. I want to be on this ship and travel the world, and I want to do it by your side.”

Blake shook her head, “The life of a pirate is dangerous! The waters are unforgiving, and we’re always on the lookout for other ships that mean us harm! You could be killed!”

“I’d rather die by your side than locked away in a tower,” said Weiss.

Blake’s mouth fell open. It was clear she did not know what to say.

A loud outburst boomed from outside the captain’s quarters. Crewmen’s loud footsteps scurried about on top of shouting pirates and the incessant ringing of a bell.

“Captain!” a voice called from the other side of the door.

Weiss pulled away from Blake and shared a concerned look with her.

Blake slipped her hat onto her head and opened the door, “What’s going on out here?”

“Captain! There’s a ship on approach off the starboard bow! The Queen’s flag!” a pirate explained, out of breath, “They aim to board us!”

Blake cursed under her breath, “Tell the crew to man the cannons and get ready for a fight.”

The pirate ran off and Blake turned to Weiss.

“What’s happening?” Weiss asked.

“A British frigate has been trailing us for weeks. It looks like they’ve finally caught up,” Blake explained as she walked out the door, “Stay here.”

Weiss ignored Blake’s command and rushed out to follow her, “I want to help.”

Blake rolled her eyes and sighed as she climbed the stairs to the helm, “What did I just say?”

“I refuse to stand by like a helpless little girl!” Weiss stomped her foot.

Blake pressed her lips into a fine line and thought for a moment. She reached for one of the two swords on her hip and took it off her belt.

“Do you remember how to use this?” said Blake as she offered the blade to Weiss.

Weiss smirked and plucked it from Blake’s hand, “How could I forget? Your teachings were superb.”

Blake huffed in amusement and turned to steer the ship.

“Wait!” Weiss exclaimed as she gripped the collar of Blake’s waistcoat and pulled her in for a quick, searing kiss.

“For luck,” Weiss giggled and ran down the steps.

Blake blushed and tilted her hat forward in an attempt to hide her cheeks.

“So, that’s what you’ve been doing at the bay,” the quartermaster chuckled.

“Back to work!”  

[gotatext]

                   hllo ! i’m nora ( she / her, 24, gmt ) crawling back to this rp once more like the dirty sewer slug i am !! i just can’t get enough, baybeyyy ! u may remember me frm such roles as alma putnam, rory bergstrom, bridget matusiak or greta o’driscoll 2 name jst a few.... sure there were more over these long years, bt the show must go on.... this is mimi, she’s dogmatic, tenacious n single-minded 2 the point of recklessness, she doesn’t like handouts n she’s funding her degree through her onlyfans account n moaning abt shit on tiktok. we love 2 see it !!  slam that like button n i’ll creep into ur DMs like the slippery worm i am   OR u can discord me at that bitch carole baskin#8664.   a humble pinterest.

『ALEXA DEMIE ❙ CIS-FEMALE 』 ⟿ looks like MIMI MARTÍNEZ is here for HER SOPHOMORE year as an ARCHITECTURE AND SOCIAL ANTHROPOLOGY student. SHE is 22 years old & known to be STRONG-WILLED, GOAL-ORIENTED, ARROGANT & EASILY BORED. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ nora. 24. gmt. she/her.

this is p embarassing but i actually originally wrote mimi for a discord rp based around love island asgjag dont laugh at me but it was so chaotic n someone deleted it w-out telling any of us so i lost her bio.... all her threads....e verythin.... it was mad. but anyway we startin from scratch w this intro so bare with

mimi is a really extra character so when trying to flesh her out i thot of the most extra thing i could do n made a colour coded mindmap with watercolour paints detailing her values, aesthetics and early life. shoot me

background: she grew up in a trailer home in boulder city, abt half an hour from vegas. her mom had worked in a vegas casino for most of her 20s but relocated to boulder city for a slower pace of life / lower crime rate when she started having kids. mimi has 2 older brothers n she’s the youngest. has that invulnerable younger sibling complex n basically thinks nothing can touch her. very confident in her own intelligence and her ability to get shit done 

has mexican ancestry on her mom’s side. doesn’t know her dad. was raised with spanish catholic principals n found it all very stained glass windows and extra n that’s why she was kinda drawn to the decadence of vegas and all these massively high key aesthetics, like dia de les muertos was her fave thing growin up just bcos the pure feel of the festival and painting a sugar skull on her face n being able to party on the streets in a flower crown where everyone was kinda anonymous but together in this celebration

in boulder city her mom worked as a carer as there’s a lot of retirees there. mimi really resented the slow pace of life, longed for some fucking energy n life. she was a cheerleader in school but outside of school there wsn’t much to do except practise stunts and go on bike rides.  occasionally they’d get dressed up and catch a bus to henderson, the next biggest city for them to get tht sweet night life

her teenage years consisted mostly of hanging around the renovated motel blocks used as housing projects n tanning by the pool. very florida project if you’ve seen that. she reminds me a lot of the mum in that. also she started working as an avon rep going door-to-door when she was 16 bcos she wanted to have her own income. like as young as 14 she’d decided she was smart enough to go to college but she didn’t have the money n her family didn’t really see it as a worthwhile thing, her mom was very like the mom from matilda “you chose books.... i chose looks!” which i think is where a lot of mimi’s more shallow / appearance-driven traits come from

wasn’t really ‘cool’ until high school. before that she was a bit of a lisa simpson type. won a spelling bee when she was 9. was in the mathletes squad in middle school. when she went from middle school to high school she started cheer and tried to reinvent herself basically. always been very concerned with social mobility and keen to socially climb, like when she enters a new situation she’ll find out who the alphas are and quickly try n befriend them

when she turned 18 she moved out and went to vegas despite her mom hating the idea bcos it was everything she’d tried to get her kids away from. she worked in the clubs there for several years as a shot girl, a table dancer, n eventually she started workin behind the bar in a strip club. in the club it ws really hard to resist becoming a dancer bcos of the sheer amount they made in tips. no one really pressured her into it she just eventually decided tht it was way more logical to do it while she was young n fit and had the stamina and ppl were willing to pay to see her body so she started taking pole fitness lessons. she also started working as a cam girl around this time

working in vegas strip clubs is basically whats paid for uni. like she didn’t go at 18 like most of her friends did bcos she didn’t have the money and she didn’t want to feel indebted to a college like she had to compete for her place and not put a toe out of line bcos she was on a scholarship. she was determined to pay her own way and it took 4 years of working really hard and saving n even tho she was working in vegas she basically never went out bcos every penny she had needed to go on uni n thts how we get to radcliffe baybeeyy

part 2  - interior / values / personality

values: the aesthetic !! literally loves the aesthetic so much. everything she owns is super embellished, she’s a pop socket gal, her dell laptop is covered in glitzy stickers, she always has acrylics n probs makes nail art videos on tiktok. really tuned into tiny details like painting a little hello kitty above her eye which translates into her degree when she’s doing small-scale mockups of town plans n stuff... she jst puts so much detail into them. ppl often get surprised when she tells them she does architecture but it makes so much sense bcos she grew up in a trailer park n was always thinking about ways the space could be more efficiently used, like she loves re-conceptualising neighbourhoods, definitely spent hours on sims as a kid. she also grew up near hoover dam n so loads of school trips they just took them there n she was like.... this is tight but it could be cooler.... where’s the passion....

massively into photography, has such a neat instagram feed like everything just compliments the tones in the next post like mMMM. idk if any of u know any architecture students but this is literally the one constant i can find…. like they all have super good instagrams feeds. is that bitch that will take 40 fake candids of u in a row at different angles to get u the perfect profile picture cos she understands the importance of marketing urself and having an online #brand

has wire rimmed glasses that she doesn’t need to see BUT they r like a magnifying glass for when she’s working with really small materials to do a mock up of an urban plan, and also just sometimes wears them for the aesthetic bc she’s such a pinterest bitch

assassination nation is such a big mood. literally the aesthetics of that and lily colson’s whole brand of feminism and nudity not being inherently sexual but at the same time wanting to profit off that bcos why the fuck shouldnt she use a corrupt system to her advantage is incredibly mimi

literally a human personification of a bratz doll both in attitude and fashion sense

somehow simultaneously gansey in the raven cycle AND elle woods in legally blonde? the two genders 

values cont bc i started rambling: her independence and freedom. being the best at any given task she sets her mind to accomplish because she is unable to accept failure. social mobility. sexual liberation. interested in the psychology of sub-cultures and how ppl form groups and interact w each other and cult identities which is why she minors in anthropology. pro-choice. pro-weed legalisation. pro-sex worker rights. very activist.

aesthetics tht remind me of her: von dutch. a strappy cami top that says ‘please do not do coke in the bathroom’. low-waisted jeans that show off her belly button piercing. acrylic nails tapping against a heavily embellished second-hand dell laptop. heart shaped sunglasses in every colour. translucent stripper heels with barbie doll heads and plastic spiders in the heel. spraying champagne you cant afford all over the walls. narcotics in a heart shaped locket. an amazon wishlist full of lingerie linked on your tinder profile. sex tapes recorded on VCR. a religious devotion to waxing clinics. necking shots like you were born to do it.

she’s an enfj type which makes her pretty charismatic and confidence, like she has a fierce kind of energy to her, but she’s also super unwilling to accept criticism, dogmatic and can only really see her own way of thinking, quite ruthless when it comes 2 other ppls emotions despite having a poor control of her own and being prone to turbulence / throwin a bitch fit in the craft lab. easily bored. competitive. self-assured to the point of arrogance. forceful. adaptable. usually more rational than emotional but occasionally loses the ability to make rational decisions when blinded by a need for perfectionism.

very goal-oriented. money motivates her. money and clothes. she wants to look bomb while earning big bucks. when she gets her mind set on a project it literally consumes her she will forget to eat and sleep? i don’t know her.  like when a final design project is due for architecture she’ll be up all night doing adderall and speed to keep her awake working on the placement of a single tree for ages cos its gotta be perfect

loves chaos. will spill your secrets and pretend it was an accident. will always be that gif of kim kardashian sipping her tea while drama unfolds around her. lives for the drama like that gifset of bratz when she comes running and gets her phone out to record a fight.

im makin her sound like a really bad person but hopefully she’ll be somewhat likeable she can be very charismatic and endearing and she’s naturally quite funny. also now she’s finally in college and doesn’t have to worry so much about money she actually allows herself to party n bcos she denied herself of it for so long she kinda makes up for it by going p wild like will be the girl climbing on to stage to crowd surf at gigs or doing a summersault off the bar and being escorted out by bouncers, thats the energy were looking at, pure dionysian hedonistic impulse

really gd at talking her way out of shit like parking fines. so good at being an ‘im baby’ girl and often dumbs herself down to figures of authority to appear less like a threatening ball-breaker and more like a confused fiat 500 girl who didn’t know red meant stop she thought it meant slow down

listens almost exclusively to female artists. has fergalicious on repeat when she does squats infront of the mirror n just the biggest fergie stan. also lana del rey’s whole vibe is massive mimi energy

ok ya thats all i have for now..... hopefully this is somewhat coherent and not just garbage.