#I wrote this back in June
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Childe’s Story Quest: theme, storytelling, form follows function
Content Warning: self-destructive behaviour, mentions freezing and mutilation
Spoilers for the entire quest.
—
Showing both Teucer’s and Tartaglia’s perspectives throughout the quest sure reveals more about Tartaglia.
The quest on so many levels conveys its theme: the divided perspectives between a naive childhood lens and a disillusioned (??) adult lens.
One is unknowingly caught in a wonderful yet deceiving story (the tone and form), the other sees reality for what it is but tries to maintain innocent childhood dreams with these stories (the content and meaning).
Tartaglia was once the former, and is now the latter.
—
For example during the hide and seek cutscene, the tone set by the soundtrack “Foul Legacy” and the flashy cinematography & visual effects is very adventurous (in an anime way).
This is how Teucer views Tartaglia. (Teucer literally shuts his eyes and thinks it’s all a game.)
But the reality of the situation is shown moments before, where we see Tartaglia looking all soft and mortal against the dangerous Ruin Guards right behind him. Like, if you didn’t know what the game is, you’d think this is a moment of dramatic irony where the boy is gonna die because he doesn’t seem to notice the big scary automaton right behind him.
And it’s not that he’s weak in general, but in this specific moment he just defeated a few dangerous automatons, and he’s about to use his physically draining technique to fight off even more of them under the limit of ten seconds—all for the sake of protecting his kid brother’s innocent dream.
—
But really, this divide between childhood and adulthood is shown straight from the beginning. And I think the whole quest could be summed up with that nursery rhyme:
拉钩拉钩不许变,变了丢他去冰川。冰川冷,雪原��,撒谎的舌头都冻烂!
The Chinese rhyme scheme is ABCBB.
Literally speaking it’s
Pinkie promise, pinkie promise, [you’re] not allowed to change [it], change [it and we] throw him [onto] the glacier. The glacier [is] cold, the snowfield [is] cold, lying tongues all freeze [and] rot!
(Note that 丢 is a verb that could either mean to throw away or abandon [something physical or abstract]. The syntax here is a bit odd because it’s a nursery rhyme. 丢他去冰川 doesn’t have a preposition so I’m not sure if it’d be “throw him onto the glacier” or “throw him into the glacier’s river”. Also, 冷 and 寒 are two different adjectives that both mean cold, essentially.)
But if I try to rhyme it with a bit of rhythm then it could be something like
Pinkie promise, pinkie promise, you’re not allowed to change it. He who goes back on his words gets thrown onto the glacier. The glacier’s cold, and so’s the snow. The tongues that lie shall freeze and rot.
English dub equivalent:
You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice. The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off so you never lie again.
Rhythmically and tonally it sounds like a fun and naive nursery rhyme (emphasized when the innocent Teucer first says it at the start)—but the content is about the fatal consequence of breaking a promise… especially as a Snezhnayan (emphasized when the traveler and Tartaglia repeat at the end after the near fatal situation in the factory).
Ohh, so a character’s theme could also be done this way.
—
In hindsight as I was explaining how 丢 could refer to throwing away something physical (e.g. an object) or abstract (e.g. dreams), the person in the nursery rhyme could easily be a stand-in for childhood dreams, huh…
A childhood dream that promises to never change, but ends up changing anyway, so it gets abandoned at the glacier and is left to freeze…
拉钩拉钩不许变,变了丢他去冰川。冰川冷,雪原寒,撒谎的舌头都冻烂!
As Paimon says, “Wow... That one nursery rhyme kinda says all you need to know about Snezhnayan culture…”
Miscellaneous first reactions of third act
Teucer takes the path straight into the factory but the door immediately closes, so Childe is forced to enter from the side with a more difficult path
What goes into a world of danger and unknowingly get trapped? What has to use more lopsided methods to sneak in just to protect… Teucer symbolizes childhood innocence, and Childe is adulthood?
Hm, that overhead shot of tiny Teucer running into the factory with Childe and Traveler watching from higher grounds behind bars— It’s like Childe watching his younger self… rushing into the forest and into the abyss? Oh, and consistently Childe is forced to take the dangerous route and face all the difficulties while being unable to reach Teucer.
aw…
Paimon and the traveller witnessing Childe’s moment of vulnerability yet still needing to keep up the toysalesman illusion to Teucer in the domain is…
(Actually, this feels similar to Thelxie’s Fantastic Adventure where Zuria is optimistic about the plan and Freminet later pulls the two aside to tell them the truth about the condition)
Well, both have the theme of keeping up childhood dreams with stories don’t they
Wanting to keep up the illusion longer and not wanting to let Teucer see his weak side of him, huh…
Yet still wanting to fight the traveler in the future despite still recovering from a serious injury. What kind of self-destructive tendency is this
Ah, the idea of meeting Childe in his home turf is interesting considering Snezhnaya is so far from Liyue
It’s all so sad. Why does he trust the traveler this much even though they’re on opposite sides and fought in the Liyue archon quest not long ago
#I wrote this back in June#but yknow#for the treasure hoarder entrance exam in the second act#in-universe Childe of course aces his test#but using trial Childe I had to do the run three times#genshin translation#(at the end. for the nursery rhyme)#genshin impact#Genshin meta#storytelling#genshin analysis#dusk analysis#Childe#Teucer#Tartaglia#protector of childhood dreams#q
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was going through my drafts and I came across this:
(Serafina = the Lady of Autumn)
Serafina walked out of her closet just in time to catch sight of her daughter trying to climb over the railing around the ground floor patio. The clouds were limned with shades of peach and carnelian above the swaying green cypress trees lining the paths of the High Lady’s garden. She crossed the room in long strides and caught the five-year-old around the waist as she tried to swing a leg over the carved limestone.
“Oriana, your father has warded the stable. Don’t even think about running away and getting Meallan’s hair all over your new dress.” She brushed off Oriana’s skirts, thankful she had chosen a dark cobalt that wouldn’t show stains easily.
“Remember, darling, we said you could come to the party as long as you listen to what we tell you.” She took her daughter’s hands, kneeling to look into the child's eyes—the same brilliant gold as her father’s.
“Yes, mama,” Oriana sighed with a pout.
“You know she broke through those wards the other week to try and stow away on the chariot when I took the new colts out for the first time?” A voice like the brightest sunlight drawled from the doorway.
“Luci!” Oriana squealed delightedly, dashing over to her older brother and launching herself at him.
“Oof!” Lucien made an exaggerated sound as crashed against him. “Did you get taller since yesterday?”
“Yes,” she declared. “I’m going to be as tall as you and papa someday.”
“You can be whatever you want Ori,” Lucien beamed as the little girl traced her fingers over the golden circlet of engraved suns resting across his brow.
“Do I get to wear my crown tonight too?”
Serafina smiled at her daughter’s enthusiasm. “Yes you do, brightheart. Shall we go get it?”
Oriana nodded excitedly, setting her mass of dark auburn curls bouncing. “Let’s go get my crown!” She pointed towards the door.
Lucien chuckled, “your wish is my command, lady.”
It's an Elucien fic set 25 years post-canon. The premise is that, shortly after acosf, they basically agreed to ignore the bond and go about their lives. Elain becomes an emissary and travels. During the war against Koschei et. al. Lucien learns about his parentage, Beron get's got. The war ends. Serafina and Helion reunite and fall back in love. Lucien eventually decides to accept being Helion's heir. AND he and Elain accidentally become pen-pals for about a decade before they fall out of contact. Five years after said loss of contact, this fic begins 👀
#elucien#fic ideas#idk#what do we think#i wrote this back in june#elain x lucien#lucien x elain#lucien getting to be an older brother#it's one of my favorite headcanons
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
My followers: And is this “writing” you’ve been “working on” in the room with us right now?
#writing#writeblr#writer things#writing humour#textpost#writing humor#relatable#funny#I genuinely am writing for the first time in a long while#but it’s uh it’s for an angst fanfic for a fandom one wouldn’t expect fic for necessarily#and I’m embarrassed but I’m not because it’s good but you’re never seeing it it’s between me and my ao3 when I finally do finish it#it’s at 6000 words but fr that’s the most I’ve written on a single thing in a long time and it’s still going!#last time I wrote/finished anything in forever was also for this fandom back in November <3 nature is healing#it’s slow going but I’m hoping to finish it before June 😭
10K notes
·
View notes
Text
Need a cute boy that will lay in bed with me to watch TV. His head on my chest, my fingers tracing shapes on his back while I'm focused on the screen. His leg over mine, his arms draped over my waist. So soft and cute but will do any dirty thing I ask him to
#so apparently i manifested this#wrote and drafted this back and june#was how i spent a chunk of last weekend 🤭#Bd/sm mommy#sub men#subby men#female dominance#femdxm#mommy k!nk#gentle fdom#mommy#bd/sm domme#dom mommy#Ns/fw post#ns/fw blog#ns/fw#ns/ft blog#ns/ft#fdom#bd/sm blog#bd/sm kink#bd/sm community#k!nk blog#k!nk community#petpl@y#puppy sub#subby puppy#soft fem dom#pet pl4y#cvm wh0re
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hello I mcyt fandom-ified la Team du Lundi members and wrote a shit ton of text about it
After exhausting myself on trying to catch up on the current QSMP lore I got a sudden craving for a more familiar and fast paced kind of minecraft content and ended up rewatching all the Team du Lundi's SMP best of's I could find
And while doing so with my brain still hazed in fandom brainrot, I started picking up on minor details or info the players casually dropped, and drew parallels to the French speakers' QSMP counterparts This is going to be a long wordy post I don't even know what I am rambling about and for. Three things you need to be aware of about la Team du Lundi before reading :
Baghera, Antoine and Etoiles are the only QSMP players that are part of la Team du Lundi
As far as I remember the only two elements that suggest that la Team du Lundi's SMP could be canon to QSMP are Antoine being pressured into building another Tower of Shit, and Baghera's infamous fountain being mentioned when she was asked if her character remembers anything from her past before the island
La Team du Lundi's SMP was NOT a roleplaying server, it was just a private survival server for a small circle of friends casually playing together. So whenever I quote someone in this specific post, it is the streamer : there is no character other than the persona the streamer is usually showing on stream, but I just thought it would be fun to interpret certain situations while keeping in mind the QSMP lore. And here goes :
Baghera claims that when she was a kid she strongly believed that she could breathe underwater. The others joke about her having fins
Antoine jokingly tells Baghera he doesn’t need oxygen at all
Antoine claims he will still be alive thousands of years forwards
Antoine’s voice shifts when he wants to appear creepy
Baghera built an aquarium at her place, then helped Antoine build one at his tower, then built a giant swimming pool, then a fountain, then a waterslide- do you see a theme ?
Baghera knows that her skin is actually that of a chick and not a duckling, and calls it so here
Chat said that Baghera has a middle child syndrome, justifying that she bullies Angle Droit because Etoiles bullies her in the first place (Etoiles has also called her « little sister » in a derogatory way)
Etoiles has repeatedly asked people to play Valorant with him at least once
Here's a clip of Etoiles getting languaged in french and owing "a gifted sub in the swear jar"
Unrelated random clip of Etoiles because it creates happy hormones in me brain
Etoiles is regularly refered to as "the warrior"
Etoiles guided the whole group during an expedition to the End and he was literally glowing doing so (enchanted arrows effect) Everyone called him "the guide"
Baghera was the one who gave the final blow to the Enderdragon (and died from magic right after)
Etoiles spent most of his time adventuring in order to bring stuff and gear back to everyone for their builds
Etoiles asked Aypierre for help in order to design a redstone door for his cave which could only open upon solving a puzzle (which was egg & arrow related) (Aypierre was not a member of the server)
Etoiles built a nightclub with the walls and ceiling covered in wardenblocks making it look like a starry sky. He also rehomed Allays holding golden apples inside claiming them to be the souls working for him and that they lived there peacefuly
Etoiles jokingly talks about Antoine acting jealous and violent towards him because Etoiles told him he wanted to go and visit Kameto (who also was not a member of the server)
Baghera (along with Horty) had a rivalry with Joueur du Grenier (host of the server with admin powers) after he decided to build a massive parking lot right next to their house. They countered by covering the whole thing with dirt, followed by JDG building a factory and the two parties went back and forth. Baghera argued that it was stupid because they didnt even have cars to begin with (which is a sentence she reused when talking about Forever's roads) Also she tells JDG that he could've built a seaport instead, which makes JDG contemplate the thought of building an airport (and though he ended up never building it, I am side eyeing the French's plane crash)
At some point JDG wonders about what a roleplaying minecraft server would look like (RPZ 2), to which Baghera replies that she has a hard time picturing the thing "We'd all just build things you see ? I don't think we'd create stories, we would all just be like "I'm a builder, ah you too ? Well awesome, builders, cool"" and I find this to be hilariously ironic (fun fact : Baghera had no idea that QSMP was a roleplaying server when she first joined and often claims she would've taken a different approach with her character had she known right off the gate)
As I was finishing to write this down, these fuckers (/lh) decided to host a closure night for the server as they've never really officially did it, everyone just sort of deserted the server after a while. Baghera, Etoiles and Antoine kept referring to QSMP throughout the night, mostly talking about how weird it felt without mods. Among other meta commentary things
They mentionned Cellbit and Bad multiple times as the group was trying to solve enigmas. Antoine talked about "the cultural sharing" between communities as he taught insults to each others with Mike, Roier and Maximus in their respective languages Multiple more players were namedropped (including eggs) while Antoine was talking about how the server functions
Yes, Baghera and Etoiles kept their QSMP skins. Etoiles with his code corrupted purgatory one, and Baghera with her fading pink disheveled hair (with the addition of her cubito wearing Horty's merch)
Baghera admits that going back to this small familiar vanilla server feels like coming back home to your family during the holidays
Team du Lundi's cameos in QSMP :
Though Pomme has never canonically met JDG (even though most of her parents have talked about him to her at least once), she occasionaly breaks the 4th wall to refer to him. She once compared one of BBH's "vacation" flower shirts with his, and when Foolish and Bad asked her to elaborate (obviously not getting the reference) she proceeded to play JDG's music theme with the flute instead (Also I really feel the need to once more point out how mindblowing it is for your average french speaking viewer to have JDG's intro theme being added to the mod they use in the QSMP because of how anchored it is within french internet pop culture. Like this shit has been existing for 14 fucking years, it's part of the childhood of a lot of us, so to find a clip of British hardcore player Philza peacefuly listening to Mexican egg admin Tallulah play this theme on her flute feels like a multiverse fever dream)
Horty has been on Quesadilla Island through cc!Baghera's account, but neither of them really wanted to justify it RP wise. Baghera just wanted to give her best friend a tour of the island. Horty only got to meet Richarlyson who gave her a tour of Cellbit's castle and made her pick a room (she chose Chaos). She also chatted with Etoiles who tagged along for a bit and (this is obviously justified by it being a one-shot out of roleplay filler episode kind of night) they both already knew each other and were on friendly enough terms to bicker with one another Also she was part of the French speakers Quackity reached out to to invite on the server, but she had to decline because she was very busy at that time (and also not interested) Also also she was Baghera's teammate for that Formula 4 event, and Baghera has discussed it and showed pictures to a couple of islanders, including Richas who was very hyped about it
Another player the viewers were hoping to see on Quackity's server is Mynthos. He exists within the server with the picture of him that hangs in Pomme's art gallery, the cursed animation video that used to play in La France, as well as with Aypierre's health potion factory that bears his name
Angle Droit and Zerator are sometimes namedropped when the French speakers talk with their chat. Angle Droit frequently raids Baghera's and Antoine's streams, and though it has never been confirmed, a lot of viewers theorized that she was the +1 player Baghera and Etoiles wanted to invite on the server had they won the elections.
As for Zera, Etoiles went AFK on QSMP a couple of times in order to test some of Zerator's TrackMania maps (which he later discussed with Pac). I also remember a very trivial conversation Etoiles had with Mouse and Aypierre where he laughed about hurting his back very badly after carrying a fellow streamer during a caritative event, said event was hosted by Zerator (he's also the one judging them with concern from his desk)
I'm done.
Bonus alternative design for Angle Droit because at first I thought she was a fox then it turned out she was a corgi but then she changed it again to a fox and woop
#I wrote down a whole other post just as long as this one to explain my individual thought process behind each designs#Took me weeks to write- had a couple of clips to back up my headcanons#but then I was reading the post again checking for mistakes before realizing#yo just#that is so many words and for what#just let your designs speak for themselves hey trust yourself let there be room for interpretation#if people turn out to be curious well i guess thats what ask box was created for leave it be thats enough#(not) fun fact : I drew those Baghera Etoiles & Antoine designs back in june and the files got corrupted and I lost a week worth of work#if we are mutuals on discord youve mightve heard me whine about this one#mcyt#team du lundi#qsmp#angle droit#hortyunderscore#baghera jones#zerator#etoiles#mynthos#joueur du grenier#antoine daniel#serveur du lundi#my art
276 notes
·
View notes
Text
Porcelain Steve - Part 7
Part One🦇Part Two🦇Part Three🦇Part Four🦇Part Five🦇Part Six🦇Part Seven🦇Part Eight🦇Part Nine
((TW for this part; period typical slurs and internalized homophobia. Read the tags before clicking readmore if you want the details))
Steve has been a porcelain doll for seven weeks when disaster strikes.
"What is that," Jeff says, because even though the words are in an order which would suggest that it's a question, the tone of voice Jeff uses decidedly is not questioning.
"What is whaaa-AH! Nothing! It's nothing!" Eddie, who was torso deep into his closet throwing things around to find his backup amp cord, turns to look at what Jeff was talking about, and is now launching himself across his room to stand between Jeff and Porcelain Steve. Porcelain Steve, who Eddie had lain on his bed, propped slightly on a pillow, headphones carefully perched on his little head, hooked to a cassette player currently playing the first hour of last week's Top 40 countdown that Eddie had taped for him (all three hours of it, leaving out the chatter of the radio show host. He'd had to use two tapes to get it all).
"Nothing sure looks a lot like a doll in headphones, Munson," Jeff has an amazing poker face but Eddie's certain he can see a bit of judgement underneath the carefully blank expression Jeff is wearing.
"I don't know what you're talking abo- hey! Hey, no, no, don't!" Eddie tries to bodily block Jeff when he moves forward and the two end up wrestling, a match that Eddie almost wins, if not for the hazard that is his messy room. He gets Jeff walked almost to the door before he steps wrong on something, ankle rolling and sending him down sideways. He clutches at Jeff but can't make purchase and Jeff, the bastard, does fuck-all to try and catch him. Instead, Jeff leaps out of arm's length, then lunges onto the bed as Eddie collapses to his floor.
Eddie frantically tries to stand and, in his haste, ends up with his feet tangled in a pile of dirty laundry and that sends him crashing down again, this time forward onto his hands and knees, so he gives up on standing and crawls the few short feet to the bed, finally looking up to see that the damage has been done.
Jeff has picked up Steve, holding him inches from his own face, eyes squinted in suspicion. Eddie is frozen, horrified and afraid, and can't bring himself to do anything as Jeff examines Steve closely, turning him around, poking his torso, flipping him upside down to examine his shoes more thoroughly. It's only when Jeff reached for the shirt, pinching the hem of it between two fingers that Eddie kicks back into action.
He lunges up, one knee on the bed, leaning over to grab Steve and yank him from Jeff's grip. His first instinct is to throw Steve over his shoulder, out of sight out of mind mentality, but as soon as he does, he realizes his mistake and twists, lunging to catch Steve in midair. He does manage to catch Steve, but it sends him bouncing off his dresser and almost back to the floor before he manager to regain his balance, where he proceeds to cradle Steve to his chest, which is heaving from the adrenaline, wrestling match, and subsequent dive after Steve.
Jeff is giving him a concerned look but something else piques his interest; Jeff reaches over and picks up the headphones, holding them up to one ear. His face goes through every emotion a human could possibly experience in less than fifteen seconds as he listens to whatever track was at the forty-ish minute mark on the Top 40 countdown.
Slowly, Jeff lowers the headphones, letting them drop to the bed before he gives Eddie a new, more judgmental, yet infinitely more concerned, look. "Eddie. What. The fuck."
Honestly, he's not sure there's anything he can say in response.
"Why- I don't... are you okay, man?" Jeff sounds both scared for Eddie, and scared of him, at the same time.
"I'm fine," Eddie manages to squeak out.
"Eddie," Jeff says seriously, "this is not fine. This is- this is insane behavior. You know that, right?"
"I've no idea what you mean," Eddie doesn't even know what he's defending himself from but his default response to anything is to defend himself. He grips Steve tightly around the torso with one hand and then moves both his hands to be behind his back so Jeff will stop staring at Steve.
"I mean this fuckin' insane shrine you have dedicated to Steve fucking Harrington. How did you even get a doll that looks like him. Did you- did you make that?"
Fuck. Holy fuck. What can he say to defend himself here? Is there a single way for him to come out of this not sounding deranged? If he agrees, let's Jeff's drawn conclusion be the truth, then that's all but confirmation to Steve about his big fat crush, so when Steve's back to being Steve he'll never look at Eddie again. Jeff might think he needs mental help, but he'll be here for Eddie. If he tries to deny the accusation, then he'll need an explanation. He'll have to tell Jeff something that make him seem less like a creepy stalker, but what? He can't tell the truth, not without letting everyone know he's going to tell Jeff. There's a whole other secret he'd have to let out to even have a chance of Jeff believing him.
Jeff must take his silence for acceptance or guilt, because he's speaking again. "I.... man, this is not healthy. Please tell me you aren't, like, hoarding a lock of his hair or his clothes or something."
Involuntarily, damningly, his eyes dart to the closet, where several of Steve's sweaters hang from when he'd borrowed them and never returned them. And it's not like Steve doesn't have several of Eddie's own articles of clothing, like his battle vest and a few shirts. But Jeff doesn't know they easily, willingly, swap clothes, so his eyes go wide and dart towards the closet, as if he can pick out which pieces belong to Steve on sight.
Actually, he probably can.
"This really isn't what it looks like," Eddie says because he has to say something. Being silent is too incriminating.
"I don't think you're aware of what this looks like," Jeff says, wiggling himself off of Eddie's bed to stand at the foot of it. "Of all the boys in Hawkins.... I knew you liked Steve but this is.... creepy. That doll looks so much like him that I recognized it. Does Steve know you're in love with him, or is this like a way to process your crush without having to-"
"Jeff!" Eddie yells, mortified. He can feel his whole face heat up, knows he must be bright red. Because Jeff just said, out loud and for Steve to hear, the thing that Eddie very much hasn't even said out loud to himself, even if he knows how he feels deep down.
Jeff must know he's overstepped some invisible boundary he wasn't even aware of because his face immediately shows regret. He takes a step forward and Eddie takes a step back.
Immediately, Jeff stops his forward momentum. "Shit, I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm sorry."
When Eddie answers, his voice sounds like he's been eating gravel, "Just, can you go wait in the living room? I'll be right out, and we can talk, or whatever, but can you just..."
A nod, and then Jeff is gone, closing the door behind him.
With shaking hands, Eddie brings Steve back to the front of him. Looks down at him. He's not even aware he's crying until he watches his tears mark Steve's tiny polo. He can't keep holding Steve. Can't keep looking at him. Not when- not when his best friend just outed him in the worst way possible. And Eddie can't even be upset or hurt about it because Jeff didn't know. He's teased Eddie about his crushes before, and in the safety of his own room, there was no reason for Jeff to have to watch what he was saying.
Even knowing that Steve is okay with Robin, loves her anyway, without the ability to confirm that Steve doesn't hate him right now, Eddie's going to freak out. But he can't. Jeff is waiting in the living room, and the band is waiting back at Gareth's. This was just- they were supposed to just grab the amp cable and get back, a fifteen-minute job at most, and now.
Now Eddie is staring down at Steve, willing himself to not have a panic attack.
"I'm sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have heard it like that, it s-should have come from me. It should- you-I'm sorry," Eddie gently underhand throws Steve onto the center of the bed. He lands face up and Eddie sinks to the floor because he can't stand anymore, and he can't really breath.
Steve knows Eddie's a fucking faggot now, and that he wants Steve, and there's no way he'll get to keep the friendship they had before this. There's no universe in which Steve isn't creeped out by this information. There has never been an instance where a straight boy found out about his crush on them and didn't abandon him. Not always cruelly, he'll admit. He's had friends that learned and just... slid from his life with no words and no fuss. Eddie just never spoke to them again because they never came back around, but they also never outed him.
That's what will happen with him and Steve. He'll quit inviting Eddie around, or calling when he's bored, and eventually it will get to the point that Eddie only sees him at BBQ's that Joyce drags him to.
Fuck. FUCK!
He's not sure how long he's on the floor but eventually, he finds the will to get back up and resume digging through his closet to find the amp cord. It doesn't take long, he was ridiculously close to finding it earlier, it seems.
Before leaving his room, he picks back up the cassette player and headphones. Silence comes from them, so he pops the tape out before flipping it to the B side and popping it back in. He puts the headphones around Steve's head again and presses play, doing his best to not actually look at Steve. He'll just have another breakdown if he does.
He trudges out of his room, closing the door behind himself before taking the short walk to the living room, where Jeff waiting on the couch, elbows on his knees, fingers steepled under his chin, eyes faraway as he stares towards the wall in front of him.
"Hey," Eddie says, to get his attention.
"Hey," Jeff says, sitting up straight and turning towards Eddie. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing? I'm the fucking psycho here," he sighs, leaning sideways against the kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest, hand clutching at the amp cord just for something to ground him.
"Forget that, whatever I did, or said, or whatever, you were- when you yelled my name. You looked terrified. Of me," Jeff almost whispers the last sentence, and if not for the stark silence in the trailer, Eddie wouldn't have heard.
"Not of you, Jeff," Eddie whispers back, but his voice doesn't stay quiet because 'quiet' isn't a thing Eddie does easily or often. "Of... of myself, and these- of how I feel- I'm a goddamned faggot and now that Ste- when Steve finds out I'll lose him! Like I've lost every fucking person who ever even suspected I was a fuckin' queer!"
Silence stretches between them, enough to make Eddie fidget, dropping his crossed arms to twist the amp cord about anxiously with both his hands.
"Look, man, I don't know what's, like, the appropriate thing to say so I'm just going for the honest thing. You got me. You'll never lose me. And all those other assholes that you think you lost? You're wrong. They lost you. And if Steve Harrington is gonna be another one of those, then you aren't losing him. 'Cause he was never really in your corner to begin with."
If this were anyone else, with the exception of his uncle, he would be able to hold it together better. But it's Jeff. His best friend. Who never believed Eddie committed unspeakable horrors over Spring Break last year. Who didn't question the strange, new friends he suddenly had afterwards; who accepted as the only explanation a softly spoken 'they saved me' and that was enough. Who had said 'ok, cool' in response to Eddie telling him he was gay, years ago now, and continued trying to find out if Eddie had a secret relationship, switching girlfriend for boyfriend like it wasn't a big deal (Eddie did not have a secret relationship; his good mood that week was the result of snooping for his birthday present and finding the guitar hidden under his uncle bed).
It's Jeff. So, Eddie does the most metal, manly thing he can and bursts into tears, blindly reaching for Jeff and pulling him off the couch so he can bear hug him and sob into his shirt.
"There, there, you big baby," Jeff rubs his back soothingly, "let it out. Then pull your sorry ass together, because Gareth and Brian are going to think we died in a car crash on the way here if we take much longer."
"Ah, fuck," Eddie manager to say around the sniffling he's trying to get control of, "you're right."
"You good, though?"
"Uh, I will be."
Jeff nods and steps back. "How about this. We go to practice, and then you can come to my place tonight and we can like, hangout and talk. If that's what you want."
He's already nodding as he says, "yeah. That would be good. I- uh, I have something to do after practice, but yeah, after that I'll come over."
Eddie tosses the amp cable to Jeff after they climb into the van and head off.
Halfway there, Jeff says, "you know Gareth and Brian are in your corner, too. If you ever feel like telling them one day."
"One day," Eddie agrees, "but today has already been... a lot."
Practice goes well, with some ribbing for their tardiness allowed. If Gareth and Brian notice Eddie's been crying recently, they keep it to themselves. Which is good, because Eddie cannot handle one more thing today.
A promise to meet up with Jeff later and Eddie's back home.
Back to where he left Steve, who will be laying in silence on his bed because it's been well over two hours since he and Jeff left, and the tape only held an hours' worth of music on each side. Back to the nightmare of not knowing if Steve hates him now, or if Eddie's, and this is the most likely scenario, being a bit overdramatic.
His uncle is home, so he greets him, asks after his day, gets told dinner is Fend For Yourself Night (which just means leftovers or a TV dinner), and gets asked about Steve. Because of course he does.
"You sure he went on a vacation willingly with those parents of his, and he ain't actually kidnapped and trapped somewhere?"
That's a little bit too true. If only Wayne knew. "Well, no. I'm not sure. All I know is what he said when he left."
Wayne gives him a look. One Eddie is used to seeing, that says 'I know more than you think but I'm waiting for you to tell me' and Eddie's a little afraid of what Wayne thinks he knows. So, instead of prying that box open, Eddie just says he's tired and goes to his room.
Steve is exactly where Eddie left him.
Suddenly, without reason or logic, Eddie is angry. He's so pissed at Steve for being gone for this long. For having transformed in the first place. For not being able to assure him they'll still be friends, regardless of Eddie's stupid crush.
He snatches Steve off the bed, hand clamping around one of Steve's arms and his torso so he can hold him up with one hand. Steve's face, permanently stuck into a blank expression, looks back. Even knowing that Steve sees and hears through this thing, Eddie's so angry at the doll. If Steve hadn't been turned into this stupid thing, if Eddie wasn't so helplessly in love with him, this wouldn't have happened. Eddie could have taken his own time telling Steve, instead of hearing his deepest secret spilled easily from Jeff's lips. Instead of this not knowing what Steve is thinking, or how he feels. Is he recoiling in disgust at the fact Eddie's making him look at his face? Or is Eddie being awarded the same kindness as Robin, a quiet acceptance that won't change their friendship?
Eddie doesn't know that answer and he hates it.
He's so angry with himself because he should know better. He's forcing his own insecurities onto Steve, about acceptance and caring, when nothing Steve's done since they've become friends is prove that he'll always be Eddie's friend and not even the apocalypse could change that.
"I'm going to hang out with Jeff, so you're gonna be alone a bit longer. Or maybe I should drop you off at Robin's when I go," Eddie goes to toss Steve back on the bed when something pinches his palm. It's a startling sharp pain, quick to fade, but it's surprising enough for Eddie to let go.
Eddie watches, horrified, as he falls to the floor. He twists in the air, landing with a dull thump and cracking sound on his left arm before falling onto his back.
"Shit. Shit! Fuck, Steve, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to," Eddie is crouched, already in the process of reaching for Steve when he freezes.
There is a crack on Steve's left arm, a line that starts above his elbow on the inside of his arm and runs down and across his arm to his hand, where Steve's pinky finger is gone. Looking slightly to the side, Eddie can see the small porcelain piece that Steve is missing laying on the ground next to him. Eddie's own hand is hovering in the air above Steve, shaking.
This can't be- how did- Eddie wracks his brain. Was the crack there already? Did Eddie cause the crack when he bounced off his dresser earlier? When did it happen? Does that fucking matter when it's Eddie who broke a piece off him? If Steve didn't hate him before, he's got to now. Eddie doesn't have time to panic about this, he's got to- El. El can talk to Steve. Find out if he's okay. What if breaking him-
Eddie launches himself up and to his dresser, grabbing at the Walkie up there. He pulls the antenna up, clicks it on and tries not to actually shout as he says, "Code Red! Code fucking Red!" He lets off the talk button, counts to seven in his head, enough time, he reasons, for someone to respond before he repeats the process. "Code Red!! Code Red!"
He repeats this process for three minutes with no response. Where the fuck is everyone!? How is he supposed to- Oh! The phone!
He tears down the hall and to the phone. He must look a right state, because Wayne looks very concerned and is halfway to standing up when Eddie gets to the phone beside him. He yanks the phone up and dials the number for the Byers-Hopper household, holding up a shaking finger to Wayne, a silent plea to give him a moment.
It rings and rings and rings before the answering machine kicks in. Eddie presses down on the disconnect button before dialing the Wheelers' number next.
"Hello?"
"Mike! Code Red! Where the fuck is everyone and why aren't they answering!?"
"What?"
"Code Red! Where's Nancy. Put Nancy on."
"Dude, slow down, what's-"
"I broke St-it. I broke it and someone needs to get El here now. Code Red does not mean ask questions, Mike! It means Code. Fucking. Red."
"Shit, shit, right! I'll get Nancy and we'll get everyone- just- we'll be there soon."
Eddie slams the phone down and has to meet his uncle's eye now.
"Eddie. What is goin' on?"
Eddie inhales a breath and can feel his lower lip quivering. "It's- can we talk about it later? I promise I'm not the one hurt, or in trouble, or- it's not me, ok. I just-"
"Yer shakin' like a leaf boy. What's got you so spooked?"
Eddie just shakes his head and flees back to his room, slamming the door shut between him and his uncle. He can't bring himself to cross the room to Steve. He slides himself down the door to sit on the floor, pulling his knees up to hug.
"I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm sorry."
#steddie#my fic#porcelain steve#TW: Eddie calls himself a faggot and he means it in a bad way#did I make a playlist on spotify w/ Top 40 songs for June 21-27 1987 so id know how many tapes eddie had to use to record it?#yes. its 2 tapes fyi‚ using side A and B of one. a total of 2h54m. in my defense it was a writers block activity.#couldnt figure out what to have jeff say to comfort eddie that was in character and era-appropriate so... playlist it was!#if i were titling these parts this would be Eddie's No Good‚ Very Bad‚ Terrible‚ Horrible Day#I mean... he's had worse days (Spring Break '86) but this is up there for him#also back to back updates!? who am i??? but don't expect another one too soon#i started this one as part 6 originally but decided i wanted a more lighthearted piece first#so i wrote like 2/3 of this before writing what i posted for part 6 so finishing this was quick
678 notes
·
View notes
Text
Today, four years ago, I posted my first spones fanfic after not writing fics for several years.
——
Spock has some concerns that McCoy's xenopolycythemia hasn't been entirely cured, and he corners him in sickbay. McCoy tells him a thing or two about his past and Joanna.
Set two weeks after season 3's For the World Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky.
#spones#leonard mccoy#spock#star trek tos#my writing#i see i was already on my mc/k agenda back then haha#i think the beginning is a bit clunky but this fic is probably a good example of tiny things i like about spones#but also other things.#it's funny seeing that my hc i still have i already had so early after finishing the show#i finished the show in may and then during june i wrote this fic i think
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
one of these days i'll remaster this but for now its crudeness will be part of its charm. nico music be upon ye
#symphonia#wrote this back in?? late june or july? i forget. anyway it's pretty self explanatory#this time though i was just happy to actually KNOW why i'm so sad forever...#most of my teenage years i was so used to being depressed for no real cause. just kind of the way my brain operated & it sucked#so i guess i have to be thankful that there was a thing that happened that made me sad instead of just Brain making bad chemical.#because then it makes it easier to understand & cope & eventually deal with it. whereas when you're depressed for no discernible cause it's#VERY hard like near impossible to know how to help yourself feel better.#does that make sense. anyway!
133 notes
·
View notes
Text
just a friendly reminder that ryan bergara is Thee Hot Girl of the watcher trio
#this was a draft i wrote back in june and i still stand by it obviously#like he IS the hot girl and dont you forget it!!!!#sophie speaks
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
the sun is a painter. every morning, it casts the world in warm yellow haze. for the rest of the day, it stares at its creation, slowly viewing it at different angles. until at night it covers the world in a soft red glow, before going to sleep and doing the whole the over again tomorrow.
#dostxt#okay so I had this in my notes app dated June 8 2022#and I can't remember if I wrote it myself or I copied it from somewhere#and like I'm 99% sure I didn't copy because I likely would have reblogged it or at least written the name of the poet and title#and I have a lot of other poetry I wrote in my notes app#and exactly zero copied things because I deleted pretty much everything that I didn't type#(apart from hard to type emoticons)#back in 2021#so I'm pretty sure this is mine#but I can't remember for absolutely 100% definitively for sure#so uh... if it's not then please let me know and I'll delete it
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
we're so back
#brand new keyboard BACK TO THE GRINNDDD#i wrote so much of the next chapter of tcb last night im so proud#these next chapters are gonna come out way more smoothly because ive had wayyyy too much time to think about the exact story i want#so all the kinks and details are already worked out#but most importantly#I CAN TYPE AGAIN!!!#i will post soon! thank you all as always <3#june speaks!
13 notes
·
View notes
Note
C1 for two of your OCs (whichever is most likely to start shit and whichever is most likely to lose their temper about it)
[prompts]
Wanted to draw sth that wasn't a couple this time, so i went with early game June and Cass xd They got on amazing
#had to go back n edit it cus i accidentally wrote while the canvas was flipped again lmao#but ye! ty for sending in a prompt :]#my ocs#oc: june trevelyan#cassandra#drawing prompts#my art#id in alt#sorry that these are taking so long x'd#my laptop's been down for a while (gotta bring it to a checkup when i have time) so drawing on desktop is a bit of a pain....#(by which i mean i have to get used to it lol but i hate not having all my settings n brushes n stuff)
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
https://archiveofourown.org/works/51339262
despite pythagoras and descartes (pacific rim)
rating: g characters: newt & hermann tags: pre-relationship, post-movie, hospitalization, sharing a bed, ghost drifting word count: 1060
They still hadn’t talked. There had been some hugging (quite a bit of hugging), some arms around shoulders, some eye contact that Hermann was still trying to calculate into reason, but then there had been more people, and handshakes, and yelling, and lukewarm drinks pressed into his trembling hands, and then taken from his hands as he and Newton were wheeled off to the infirmary—and they hadn’t talked.
you wanna read my silly little fanfiction oooh you wanna read it sooo bad
#pacific rim#fanfiction#my writing#long time no fanfic lmfao i wrote this back in june#i haven't posted fanfic since 2017 when i was. 18#my things
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
wait a minute I have a phone note for this scene
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
edit: eye design on the pin is based off of this video tutorial by yurie sekiya, creator of pero pero sparkles.
#art#artists on tumblr#my art#traditional art#doodle#yeah thats the phone i used to take these photos#i did these around very early june this year#every year there's a festival in the middle of my town celebrating it#its pretty much an event for local organizations and businesses to promote themselves#its kinda boring because its the same every year lol#but i go mainly because 3 4ths of the stalls give out promotional branded thingamabobs and free candyyyy (😋)#one of the local libraries gives out free books - daycares and kids centers have toys to play with#and lastly kids art schools have some crafts#which is how i got to work on the cd and badge in the photo#fun fact: the stall i did the cd at gave me a flyer printed on card stock which i used to make my arrangeable v a angel face#at the second stall i actually made the pin a total of two times because i lost the first one minutes after i walked away#and when i came back a second time the people hosting recognized me so i had to explain myself#on an unrelated note they were so impressed with my second pin that they asked to take a picture of me with it#and post it on their social media. and i agreed because yay someone likes my art ^W^#soooo there is a picture of this badge and my REAL FACE floating around on the internet#i regret it in the slightest because I have the reasonable fear of my appearance being out there out of my control#though i guess that's a lost cause because ive been in the background of friends' posts and school club social media posts#btw i wrote “(to) kill” in japanese in cutesy handwriting on the pin because i thought it would be funny#and i think it's even funnier to imagine that the social media of the kid's art school just has a post of a badge saying “KILL💖”#next to my smug ass face
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Confrontation
Word Count: 853
Warnings: Sides acting unsympathetic
--
The deadline had passed.
He made attempts but ultimately failed to progress on his own personal issues, resulting only in detriment to Thomas and the other sides.
He had then waited, not notifying anyone of this surpassed deadline, knowing he couldn't burden the others, only to soon find he'd burdened them anyway.
Neither solution had provided reprieve, and he'd only continued his stagnation, the very issue he'd been attempting to resolve.
They were tired of waiting on him.
The others had worked hard to improve themselves, listening closer to Thomas' needs and wants. They had learned how to better work with each other, and had phenomenally increased their productivity to complete what must be done for Thomas.
It was understandable that their patience with Logan would run out eventually, especially once the deadline had come and gone, but he hadn't been prepared for what would come to pass when it did.
--
"You can't expect to run this whole show by yourself!" Roman proclaimed, "We're not going to bend over backwards to satisfy your impossible standards, you pretentious egocentric nerd!"
Logan grimaced.
"Egocentric?"
With only one word, one reaction, a loud and energetic jumble of voices from the other sides chided him, all yelling over each other to hound him for his misgivings.
"Stop acting like you're the only one who knows anything around here!"
"Can't you just shut up and listen to us for once?"
"Mocking him isn't going to get you what you want, Logan. We're all adults here, so we should act like it."
Logan kept his mouth firmly shut. They had a lot to say and they were right, so he should do his best to listen for now. While he'd admit it would be easier to do so if they would try taking turns, he couldn't exactly blame them for reacting emotionally. He'd long since crossed a line with them, and this was an understandable and deserving response to his negligent behavior.
"Oh, are we dog-piling in here? Do let me join in!"
Logan continued to hold his tongue as two more sides joined the... Could it really be called a discussion? Likely not.
"Finally had your fill at the top then, hm? Moved on down the rung to micromanage us, too, have you?"
Logan pursed his lips but kept silent, as they all clearly need of him.
Then, Roman scoffed louder than all the others' remarks, and for a moment, Logan believed the yelling was about to be over. But as he met Roman's gaze, he knew he was wrong to think such a thing.
Roman looked furious. Logan, unfortunately, recognized such an expression as he'd seen it staring him in the mirror upon far too many occasions.
"Why do we even bother?" Roman spat, his words stinging like fire in Logan's ears as he spoke. "You think you're better than us. Better than all of us!
"Well, if you're not gonna listen to our advice, then why don't you just shrivel up and rot somewhere all alone, like you're clearly so inclined!"
Like he's so inclined? Logan blinked in confusion, trying desperately not to react to such a suggestion.
They recognized his failure to improve, and he notated they were giving advice, but surely this was not a genuine suggestion, right?
This could not possibly be their solution to the problem of his stagnation, could it?
He glanced at the other sides, even Janus, only to see a resigned and tired look in everyone's eyes.
So, it was true.
It was an actual suggestion, then.
Logan took a steadying breath. He could handle that, he knew he could. This was probably just an emotionally-charged response and could be resolved in very little time if he simply--
Roman shifted his stance in front of him, completely resetting Logan's thought process.
No, he reminded himself, they had marked this as advice and Logan had already failed them. It would be improper at this stage to refute or deny their words.
They were right, and he needed to listen.
He took a quiet step back, debating whether to speak in this moment or not. Would it better to give his confirmation or would they prefer the validation of their efforts through his actions?
He didn't need to ponder long. The answer was clear.
He sunk out. He knew what he needed to do.
--
"I thought you said that was supposed to work?!" Roman had instantly turned to where both his brother and Janus were standing. "He didn't do anything! He just stood there!"
Janus sighed, a gloved hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration.
"Apparently he's lost any will to fight. He was supposed to at least get angry, but--"
"Angry?" Patton chimed in, frowning deeply. "But, well, he didn't look angry in the slightest! He looked like...like..."
"Like he expected this," Virgil supplied, slumping into his hoodie like he wanted to disappear.
"Uh-oh!" Remus grinned. "Looks like y'all were a little too honest and he got that picture loud and clear!"
Roman sighed dramatically, balling his hands into fists.
"Well... shit."
#logan sanders#logan angst#sanders sides#roman sanders#patton sanders#virgil sanders#janus sanders#remus sanders#fanfiction#another one that i wrote back in june in 2022 but never posted bc it didnt go with any fic collections i currently had going#oh well
53 notes
·
View notes