#I wouldn’t even say that identity is a theme in this manga.

[daisyachain]

If I had a nickel for every time I ran into yuri selfcest where one of the girls has brown braided hair, I’d have 10 cents

[eruminx]

random phantom troupe headcanons / thoughts

including: chrollo, shalnark, feitan, nobunaga, illumi, general phantom troupe

warnings: possible spoilers, nsfw, brief mention of torture, lightly proof-read

chrollo is really into astrology. when you think about his character it makes a lot of sense. chrollo believes in fate and destiny, and how we cannot change it. that’s why he’s so amused by characters like hisoka and gon, because they try to change their destiny. and one of astrology's main themes is destiny and fate. astrology gives people identities, something that chrollo is constantly looking for outside of himself. because he cant accept that he is himself. i would go more into the astrology topic, but i don’t know enough about it to get into great detail without sharing misinformation.

shalnark and feitan aren’t that different from each other. both are scarily sadistic it just manifests in different ways. shalnark is generally very friendly and one of the more outgoing phantom troupe members. he’s a nice dude, but he’s not kind. niceness is like a mask, it’s a common courtesy. kindness comes from the heart. i think the only genuinely kind member is nobunaga, but i’ll get into that later. shalnark is more of a psychological torture guy, while feitan is more into traditional torture.

okay back to nobunaga. i very much think that he is the only truly kind member of the troupe. (this headcanon is not based on how he was as a child by the way) i recently read a nobunaga analysis (here) and it only furthered my belief in this headcanon. simply the way he feels for others is very kind, and how he acted towards gon and uvo specifically. as well as some parts in the manga. he’s definitely very compassionate and understanding, especially compared to the other members. i think some of the other members are capable of kindness, but they wouldn’t be described as “kind”. two other members that come to mind are chrollo and pakunoda. they are both quite compassionate, as seen during their sentimental moments. (chrollo when reacting to members’ deaths and paku’s pre-death gun scene and her small interaction with the cat) but i wouldn’t call them “kind”, but instead more in-tune with their emotions. but, i think deep down inside all people are capable of kindness, so it can be hard to say.

illumi isn’t as clueless about love as the fandom makes him out to be. his only real reference for “love” is his parents, and they actually really love each other. knowing how kikyo is, she’s probably very doting with silva like she is with her children. and silva seems pretty compassionate as seen in his interactions with killua. silva also showed genuine concern for kikyo’s safety when killua threatened to kill her during the election arc. illumi has definitely learned from that, even if he doesn’t fully understand it. he wouldn’t be the best partner, but he’s more affectionate than he comes off. and i also firmly believe that he is not a virgin. i wouldn’t say he gets around like hisoka and chrollo, but he definitely has a few bodies. he’s human too, and he understands that he has human needs.

a good handful of the troupe members get around frequently. i read a headcanon saying some of the members have had sexual and romantic encounters with each other and I AGREE. i think the members who sleep around the most are (in order) hisoka (obviously), uvo, chrollo, and shalnark. maybe phinks but I think he’s so angry and intense because of how pent-up he is. i also think paku and nobunaga are the types to have intense flings with people every now and then… and they can last months. some members i think do not get around are machi, franklin, and feitan. they’re just not very interested and are too busy. i think shizuku is in the middle. i don’t think she’s a virgin and she has partners once in a while but she’s not actively pursuing sex. she just goes with the flow.

the troupe members dynamics are constantly changing. i feel like there’s very clear friend groups inside the troupe. like uvo, nobu, and shalnark are a very clear group in my eyes. as well as phinks and feitan. i feel like chrollo and pakunoda are a part of their little group together. i think the others are more loner types, but the original members still all share a special bond. member-to-member conflict happens a lot in the troupe, you can see this with nobunaga and some of his interactions with franklin and machi. I don’t think anyone dislikes each other (not including hisoka) but tension is common.

anyways... thank you for reading! this is my first post in forever lol (i’m a bit embarrassed….tbh lol)

masterlist / navigation

[teecupangel]

There's this manga called Brutal: Confession of a homicide investigator and when I finished it all I thought was, "Desmond in MC's place would be pretty funny especially with his bleeds lol" because with the crap Desmond went through, I feel like he should de-stress some of it in.... different ways

The manga is really brutal with some triggering stuff so it's ok if you don't do this

Nonnnnyy, I’ve been waiting for a continuation and hoping that the author gets better since last year TTATT

For those unfamiliar with the manga, Brutal: Confession of a Homicide Investigator or Brutal: Satsujin Keisatsukan no Kokuhaku is kinda like Dexter (the tv show) except the main character is much, much more unhinged, loves the look of despair of his asshole victims and goes all out to making their death karmic and ironic.

Also… he does pottery (badly), his favorite movie is The Exorcist and it’s implied his first love was a man who died before he could kill him XD

It’s super dark and the manga does not shy away from all the gory details and dark themes (when I say the MC’s victims are assholes, it’s an understatement). Seriously, there’s a lot of triggering stuff in this manga that each chapter usually have a warning label. It’s also short with only 19 chapters due to the author’s poor health so… if you wanna try it out, it won’t take too much of your time.

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Anyway!

I feel like Desmond wouldn’t do what Dan does to his ‘victims’, mostly because the Brotherhood stresses to respect everyone, even the people they kill. The Hidden Blade is meant to deliver swift deaths, prolonging the death of the target as some sort of punishment would be against that ‘tradition’.

Although, to be fair, if we set this up as Desmond having lost a bit (or most) of his sanity after the Solar Flare, it would work.

Or…

This would be a Desmond who joined the police force after leaving the Farm. It’s highly unlikely since Abstergo would be all over him once he delivers the necessary paperwork and the results of his medical checkups but maybe he gets a lucky break, maybe Erudito is actively helping him by changing all of his information before it could get to Abstergo…

Maybe someone in the Calculations is ensuring he stays away from Abstergo’s radar. Weird computer glitches, strangely timed bad luck, accidents leading to data corruption… No one would think that someone is behind it unless they believe that that someone would be a ‘higher being’.

In this scenario, Desmond would see the worst of mankind and how the world as it is right now let some of these monsters get away. Desmond would use both the skills and techniques he learned from his profession and his childhood training in punishing these monsters the way they deserve to be punished.

In either scenario (Desmond becoming unhinged after the Solar Flare or Homicide Investigator!Desmond), Desmond wouldn’t care if they were Templars or not. As long as they have done something ‘bad’ and got away with it, they become his targets. 

But he’d still wear a hood and a mask to hide his identity.

So when Abstergo ‘finds’ footage of him, they assume he’s an Assassin out for revenge and they wouldn’t think that the other non-Templar/Abstergo related disappearance are related until it’s too late.

The Assassins would think he’s a rogue Assassin, most probably a survivor of the Great Purge that has cut all ties with everyone. They don’t necessarily agree with his ‘methods’ but they let him do as he pleases because (1) they have no idea who he is or even how to predict his movements (2) he’s only targeting horrible people so it’s not technically against the Creed, and (3) they need all the help they can get.

(It would be funny if Desmond’s fake identity’s first name is Dexter. I mean… I’d probably go for Derek as usual if I was to write this (big IF) but giving him Dexter as a fake name would be funny)

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Hey, nonny.

You know what would be funny?

If Desmond goes to Japan after the Solar Flare to sorta-chill, sorta-relax, sorta-have a vacation and he just starts becoming some sort of vigilante during his time there. And Dan… falls in love with him. Both as the vigilante and as the nice foreigner working as a barista in the cafe near the police station or something. Just imagine a fusion of cafe au and serial killer au with a heavy topping of yandere from Dan and ‘I have really bad choices in love interests and I know it’ from Desmond XD

[pan-gaa]

My Dearest Self With Malice Aforethought review

As we are getting closer to the spooky season which is my favorite. I’m feeling like sharing some good horror and psychological horror media.

My Dearest self with malice aforethought is a psychological horror mystery manga that centers mental illnesses such as DID (dissociate identity disorder). I would like to give a huge TW since this story covers sensitive content like abuse, gore, violent scenes, and themes on mental health some might find triggering.

Protagonist Eiji Urashima is a college student trying to live his life as ordinary as possible while he carries the weight of his family’s reputation of being evil. Eiji’s known as the son of a serial killer and that image had him deal with all sorts of difficulties. Even so he was able to hide it and live as a normal college student, drinking with friends and trying to get a girlfriend. Things seem to be normal until Eiji’s starts noticing that days have passed since he was conscious but by his friends statements he’s been going to class and living normally. Not only that but Eiji somehow in that time got a girlfriend who said he did things he never had a memory of. This story covers how Eiji tries to solve this mystery and by trying aspects of his life start to spiral.

I purposely tried to give as little detail as possible since this story’s plot is mainly carried by its surprise element. I wasn’t sure what to expect of this story at first and honestly I wasn’t that exited to read it. The summary I had read was a plot I had seen before and one that many creators can’t seem to work well but once the story was gaining momentum, I couldn’t stop reading. The mystery and the anxiety of not knowing if what we saw or read was true, how the artstyle helped carry that suspense.

It was quite interesting how mental illness was portrayed in this manga, truthfully I tend to be skeptical because of how bad mental illness are portrayed in manga/ other media. Of course I wouldn’t say that it’s perfect but if you are someone tired of crime mysteries that misuse mental illness you might like this read. The plot twists were really enjoyable and the storytelling was thrilling. The explanation at the end really ties it all together so the ending was satisfactory.

All together I give this manga a 8.5/10 and it has my recommendation stamp.👍🏽

[pluto-the-chinchilla]

Let me preface this by saying that if MARS by Fuyumi Soryo has no diehard fans I am dead.

Okay, cool!

Now I was so happy to hear how many people these days recommend the manga and sing its praises because yes I totally think it’s deserved. And I’m just as happy that people include trigger warnings for the SA, s//cide, and dark themes.

Buuut there’s a few other trigger warnings or also like to throw out there.

I’ll put actual spoilers under a cut but additional trigger warnings for Mars;

While I don’t think it was intentional (or so I hope) it is not great with how it handles LGBT. The token homosexual/bisexual character is not someone you want to root for and there’s a throwaway character later who…

I can’t tell if they’re trans or some form of cross dresser but regardless it’s handled in that weird way 80s/90s media handled it which is that even when it doesn’t feel malicious it reads as uncomfortably ignorant. I actually like the character themself but I can’t even tell what their identity is because the dialogue regarding them is conflicting and truly think it boils down to being badly misinformed about how LGBT (partially T) folks are in real life or the actual psych of gender/sexuality which…

I mean again the manga started in 1996 and ended at the start of one of 2000s which was a particularly catty/mean decade.

Anyway into spoilers. This isn’t a deep dive or anything, I just have thoughts and nobody who really reads stuff like this.

Masao Kirishima wouldn’t bother me if he wasn’t the only non-straight character in the series. I’m serious. Like I’m fine with him being an emotionally manipulative sociopath who just genuinely doesn’t understand or appreciate empathy. He doesn’t have a lot of great depth but I actually find him at least a little interesting in how he felt alone in his misanthropy and violence and thought he found a kindred spirit in Rei. I loved seeing his composure break when he realized Rei had fully embraced his humanity and that he was well and truly alone.

Still a cop out how after stabbing Rei he just completely forgot about him. The story didn’t earn the right to just sweep him under the rug and at that point it felt like an excuse to have that odd Rei and Sei moment which… at that point just make it a dream.

Maybe maybe the cage confrontation between Rei and Masao more dramatic. Have more of that breakage happen and maybe show him having a full blown panic attack after he runs off, reflecting on their history and how it’s all being written over by the Rei who was changed by Kira loving him and just have him collapse in an alley. Maybe the rewritten imagery of memories blocking one another out could lend itself to Masao repressing the memories after having such a break. Imagery of Kira painting over the violent Rei with her own award winning painting of Mars. Like Kira herself painting Masao out of the picture.

Just an idea.

Rei and Sei meeting could happen in a dream after Rei speaks to his old doctor and maybe feature his mother and real father all reaching out to him. Or have it happen after a bike accident. Maybe Masao shambled out into the street in his daze or maybe he wanted to get killed by Rei so that Rei would never fully be rid of him or any other leak in logic cuz honestly Masao is malleable. And Rei hurting himself just to avoid killing him could’ve been another cause for that final break.

Otherwise… I can only imagine Masao is faking it but is in a stupor waiting to get out so he can end it all.

Also.

I like Violet, I think they’re cute and fun and I wish we got more of them with the caveat being I wish their gender identity was clearer and better written, even as a throwaway character. I thought their friendship was Kira was cute and it would’ve been nice to have the two of them and Harumi hang out.

Wish Harumi was better written and got a more proper redemption arc. They just kinda became friends after Harumi stood up for her one time. I don’t mind that they’re friends but I wish we could’ve gotten a heart to heart with them really unpacking the bullying, their shared love for Rei, maybe a little light in her and Tatsuya…

And I wish violent!Harumi could’ve showed up in Kira’s defense

Maybe explore the connective tissue of Harumi’s violence next time Rei’s

Maybe Masao could’ve gotten under her skin and that could’ve lead to some Tatsuya development wherein he worries about succumbing too

And Rei stops him from going too far for a change and it’s a switch up from their usual friend dynamic and it strengthens their bond

Maybe explore brotherhood with Tatsuya vs Sei

Idk Tatsuya and Harumi are underutilized but I love them ok?

[lilover131]

Why I’m scared for Syaoran-Theories

For literal years I have shouted from the mountain tops that I am worried something bad is going to happen to Syaoran in Clear Card. I even stated it in my initial thoughts for spoilers of Chapter 1 back in 2016, so I can confidently say I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. Now here we are 55 chapters and 5 years later, and I’m more worried than ever. 

The thoughts I had were mostly revolving around the when, and I think CLAMP is throwing us some breadcrumbs along the way that we might be missing (or in my case, extremely over analyzing XD).

However, I will tell you that the theories I have about the ‘how’ part, which I have kept mostly to myself until now, begin with a story, and a dream….or several rather.

Under the cut due to length, and forewarning…some of this is going to sound probably crazy and like a wild crack theory. I haven’t talked about up until now out of fear that y’all might think I’m going off the rails. Lmao. So please read with a grain of salt.

For those who have followed me for a while, you might have noticed that I have CCS related dreams quite a bit. And in these dreams, it’s a common theme that nothing good ever happens to Syaoran. Lol. Now, before you say “Hey Chrissy, those are just dreams and mean nothing!”, hear me out.

 Every once in a while, the dreams that I have tend to carry some truth to them or end up actually happening. Please understand I’m not trying to say I’m prophetic or anything, but rather I am a firm believer that dreams are sometimes your brain’s way of finding answers to things that you can’t while you’re awake. Granted, some things I can’t explain, but I promise I’ll get to the point here.

 One specific example I can give here is when the Clear Card manga first started, none of us knew the identity of the Cloaked Figure in any capacity. All we knew was that they were about Sakura’s height and probably wanted her key, and that was really about it. When Akiho showed up in the series, people instantly pointed at her and said “it’s gotta be her”. I admittedly believed it too, but a part of me thought “that just seems too simple”. 

 But then I had a dream.

 I was very confused by it, but I went to my friends on Discord the next day to talk about it. It was July 28th, 2017 (thank goodness for time stamps!). And in that dream, I had seen the Cloaked Figure standing on a telephone pole, staring down into Sakura’s bedroom window. Their hood was down, and I could clearly identify the back of Syaoran’s head. I thought “There’s no way that it could be Syaoran, that wouldn’t make any sense”, so I tried not to think too much about it and dismissed it as just a dream.

 Then came chapter 24 almost a full year later….for those of you who don’t know what chapter this is, the one I’m referring to is when THIS bombshell was dropped on us. 

Needless to say, I was pretty spooked. Not only was my dream right about Syaoran being the Cloaked Figure, but he was even standing in the exact same spot as the scene that occurred in chapter 24. I will even say that this wasn’t the first time either that I had experienced a manga related dream actually happening in some capacity. Back during the serialization of Tsubasa when I was about 15-16 years old, I had a dream of the other Syaoran (or Real Syaoran as some may know him as) appearing before Clone Syaoran in a desert, surrounded by a destroyed city, and when the first chapter of the Acid Tokyo arc came out, I about lost my mind. The moment I saw that destroyed city, I was like “This is where the other Syaoran is going to appear”, and I turned out to be right.

 These dreams could have been a one in a million fluke, never to happen again, but boy have I had a loooooot of dreams over the years, and I’ve been documenting them ever since that Cloaked Figure dream and paying close attention to details, particularly because that was the most accurate one I’ve had so far, and I honestly can’t explain how it happened. But over time I have come to learn how to kind of pick out the dreams I feel actually mean something compared to the ones that are probably just a result of me thinking a lot about CCS.

 With that in mind, there has been one reoccurring theme in some of the CCS related dreams that I’ve had, and that was the presence of this scary, black goop like entity that doesn’t have a figure. The only thing I can really say about it is it was alive but certainly not human. I had the first dream about this entity even before the Cloaked Figure Syaoran dream, and the date appears to have been February 2nd, 2017.

 In this dream, that shadowy creature completely consumed Syaoran, who was protecting someone in its path, who I can only assume was Sakura. Like many of my dreams before, I dismissed it initially until I had a second dream on April 14th, 2018.. This time I didn’t see the actual shadowy creature, but rather saw a somewhat intense conversation between Sakura, Syaoran, and Kero. Syaoran seemed frustrated and incredibly worried, and the dialogue was in Japanese, so I could not understand a word of it. But there was one word in particular that he said, and I managed to remember it even after I woke up. Somewhere in this dialogue, Syaoran had said the word ‘kagemaru’. Why that word was the only one I held onto, I’ll never know. But it’s important to remember here that I don’t speak or understand Japanese. But something here compelled me to try and look this one up.

  I try to follow my intuition on things, so I googled the word ‘kagemaru’. I found mostly images of a character from Yugi-Oh GX (lmao), whose name happened to be Kagemaru. I have literally never watched anything beyond the original Yugi-Oh series, so I can promise you I wasn’t at all influenced by this. What surprised me was what the name meant...

 ‘Kagemaru’, appears to translate as ‘Pure Shadow’.

 AGAIN, my dreams were referencing a shadow, and weird enough in a language that is not my own. But that point on, I had an actual name for this entity, ‘Kagemaru’. To me, that gave me more reason to pay closer attention, and that’s where I really started documenting my dreams on Tumblr, which you may have seen. I thought to myself “this could be important, or maybe I’m just overthinking things again and this really is just a dream”. I thought “no one is going to take any of this seriously, and neither should I”. But at least if I had it documented and it turned out happening, then I could go back and actually say “Okay, maybe it’s real”.

 So I didn’t think about it for a while until episode 22 of the Clear Card anime came out on June 10th, 2018, a few months later. And there was a scene in particular that gave me chills.

 The scene I’m talking about is when Akiho is telling Tomoyo about her scary dream. This differs a bit from the manga, where she didn’t have this conversation really with Tomoyo at all, but since Ohkawa was involved in the script, I still consider it relevant. The really key thing I paid attention to that Akiho said was this:

She didn’t describe what this scary thing looked like, but it was clear that it was a truly horrifying dream for her, since her hands were trembling as she spoke about it. Additionally, she had spoken about said dream just before to Kaito and stated that there was a voice that said “You can never return”. Now, we weren’t sure what this voice sounded like until the anime aired it, and I gotta say…I was not expecting it to sound the way it did. The voice that says this in my opinion doesn’t sound human, was not really recognizable as any of the characters we know already, and immediately it gave me bad vibes and reminded me of the ‘Kagemaru’ I had seen in my dreams before. But still, I went on thinking “well maybe they’re still unrelated and I’m overthinking this”.

 Then chapter 27 came out in the beginning of October, 2018. Sakura and Akiho were down in the library in the basement, and right after Akiho had gotten emotional and was consoled by Sakura, they were suddenly in the dream world that Sakura had seen so many times. Again we heard that creepy disembodied voice say “You can never return…”. But what happens directly after this is what perhaps scared me the most. Akiho goes into what I call ‘Book-mode’ and says “Bring her power, too, “in” here”. There were a few words said before that, but one thing to keep in mind as well is that in the Japanese version of this chapter, different fonts were used for each speech bubble coming from Akiho, implying that multiple people that were not Akiho were speaking through her. And what did we get right after this was said?

A black, shadowy mass that tries to consume Sakura….

 I cannot tell you how bad this freaked me out when I saw it. Words cannot describe it. It was such an uncomfortable feeling, and I felt I couldn’t really ignore it any more. So all this time, I have just been waiting for developments and constantly fearing for Syaoran the entire time because of my dreams. 

 If you’re thinking “Chrissy, this is really weird”, then buckle in, because it gets a little bit crazier still.

 Sometimes I like to go back and read old fanfics I wrote up but never posted (I was a very shy child who kept most of my writing to myself). Well, in February of 2017, I recall reading back through some documents, and I found one that was only about a page, but I had written it all the way back in 2008, a long long time ago now. I had long forgotten about this and have no idea where it even came from, but something compelled me all those years ago to write about a black shadowy mass that formed into a dragon. That’s right…a dragon.

 So, all in all, it’s been a pretty wild ride for me. Lmao.

 Now that I’ve told you this story, let me further explain why I think Syaoran in particular will become a target. CLAMP, in my opinion, has been pointing in this direction for quite some time and hinting that something was going to happen to him. It kinda started when he said he came back to Japan to be “ready when the time came”, and it seems to be based around a future his mother saw. This future she saw has still not been disclosed to us, but Syaoran from the very first chapter seemed determined and prepared for a moment in particular that has yet to happen, and Eriol is supporting him from behind the scenes.

 Throughout the series all after this were numerous, numerous occasions in which people around Syaoran expressed their concerns for his well being and expressed how much they care about him. I’ll go ahead and list them all now so you can see the sheer volume of them, which means CLAMP is really trying to hit this point home. Why you might ask? It seems obvious to me that they want to increase the emotional impact that a future moment will bring, and that is why I am so entirely convinced something bad is going to happen to him. 

 1.       Yue—Chapter 27 of the manga  

2.       Meiling—Episode 16 of the anime

3.       Wei—Episode 19 of anime

4.       Sakura Cards-Chapter 27 of manga

5.       Touya—Chapter 54 of manga

6.       Eriol—Volume 7 drama cd (translation courtesy of @meimi-haneoka​ HERE 

Eriol: So, as we thought, she ended up creating a new card? Then...

Syaoran: I know...what I’ve got to do. I’ve put a spell on the teddy bear. I’ve already given it to Sakura. Through that bear, I’ll be able to use the Sakura Cards little by little...Hiiragizawa?

Eriol: Please, just don’t forget this. Sakura-san is important for me, too. Not because we’re connected through Clow Reed, but because Sakura-san is her own person.

Syaoran: Yes (I know).

Eriol: In the same way, I care about you because you are your own person, is what I’m saying./In the same way, you are important because you are your own person. (not sure about which one)

Syaoran: -silence-

Eriol: (chuckles) ...It is typical of you, to not give a reply.

 Sakura is obviously in this list too, but I thought she was obvious enough that I didn’t need to show examples. Clearly she would be very upset if anything happened to Syaoran, which may be also why she is so upset seeing the dreams of him as the Cloaked Figure. Even the mere thought of those visions are enough to give her anxiety and put a frown on her face. 

 So seeing all these signs that CLAMP is throwing out there, it seems practically confirmed that Syaoran is going to get into quite a bit of trouble, but it’s a matter of how and when. Here’s what I think ultimately is going to happen, and please take this as a vague idea. I don’t expect things to happen exactly this way, but this is the scene that plays out in my head when I think about it.

 I think that at some point, Akiho is going to go into ‘Book-mode’ again, perhaps stirred by emotional thoughts about Kaito, and come after Sakura. That black shadowy mass is going to try and grab her, but at the last second, Syaoran rushes in and throws himself in front of her, which would be a classic sacrificial Syaoran move. Sakura might try to do something about it like grab him and pull him out of the path, because she cannot bear to have anything happen to him, but then…in that split moment, she remembers that she cannot touch him right now or else she’ll hurt him, due to the spell placed by an unknown source keeping them apart.

As a result, she hesitates and is unable to save him, just like a very similar scene that occurred in Tsubasa (for all who have read, you know what I’m talking about, and back then there was a black shadowy mass too, wasn’t there?!). Maybe this also would explain how Syaoran becomes the Cloaked Figure, why he looks so devoid of emotions and feelings in those visions as well, or maybe even how the dragon comes about and why the Cloaked Figure stands atop it. We know that the spell inside Akiho is also slowly crushing her soul with the more magic it absorbs, so what if it were to transfer to Syaoran instead? His eyes and facial expression are so cold in Sakura’s visions/dreams, and it’s clear that what she was looking at is not Syaoran, at least not in soul.

In this daydream theory I have, Sakura is devastated and wants to change things and wishes for a moment that she can go back and do things differently, and in that moment of wishing, makes the card that that Kaito needs.

I think it seems somewhat implied that the card Kaito needs is time related. The reason I believe this is because when Sakura made REWIND, Kaito said it was “close”, but still not what he needed. I can’t speak as to what Kaito’s goals are yet, but maybe he wants to go back and change a moment in time that happened long ago, but he’s not strong enough to do so. It requires an obscene amount of magic and also is considered taboo, at least in the magical world in Tsubasa, and these same ideals and lore seem to carry on through other CLAMP series. I feel this also lines up with the ‘forbidden’ magic Kaito keeps referring to and also explains why he would deem time magic in particular necessary to accomplish it and made his contract with Momo.

Another theory I can throw out there is perhaps there is an impending consequence for Syaoran already that is just not being considered. For example, we know he’s breaking a magical contract right now by holding onto the Sakura cards and that Eriol expressed he was against the idea of Syaoran doing this. I feel like there might potentially be underlying consequences to this sort of thing that CLAMP isn’t divulging, especially since it seems kinda odd for the only problem to be that he gets worn out quickly? I mean, Sakura did too when she first was transforming them, so it just seems kinda…light in terms of the gravity of what he's doing. Additionally, for Eriol to be so adamantly against something, it means it must be serious. After all, he certainly doesn’t mind putting himself in situations that make him bed ridden for the ones he cares about, so it seems unlikely that this was Eriol’s concern, unless he’s just being incredibly hypocritical.

Ultimately, we have a lot more information to find out, but here’s what I’ve got based on the things we know now. If you read all this and think I’m a crazy person, I wouldn’t blame you. Lol. I’m fully prepared to be wrong and honestly hope I am, but I thought now was the best time to get all this out and see where things go from her. Everything will surely be all right!!! 

[animeyanderelover]

R!Ciel and O!Ciel fighting for childhood female darling (Do you think they could share?)

Here again, please keep in mind that I’m not completely finished with the manga yet.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, manipulation, paranoia, threatening, blackmailing, bribing, controlling behavior, sabotage, kidnapping

R!Ciel and O!Ciel fighting over their childhood friend

☕️🍵I don't think they would be able to share, at least not with both of the twins agreeing willingly or even reluctantly. Ciel thinks that he has the right to be the heir of the Phantomhive manor since he fulfilled all the duties of one the last four years whilst his brother wasn't there. He was clearly enraged due to the inauspicious return of his older brother and declared war to him by dismantling one of the blood factories which "Ciel" needs to function. He is exceedingly competitive and doesn't stop fighting until a victor is declared. It's the same with fighting over the same darling

☕🍵"Ciel" on the other hand desires a rivalry between his brother and was somewhat excited when finding out about the blood factory. On the other hand he seems to have an obsession over his little brother and it probably intensified after after he became a Bizarre Doll. Such creatures run on their past dreams and "Ciel's" past dream used to be with his little brother and the darling. So his obsession became stronger too, for both the darling and Ciel. He still wants to be with his brother, but after he nearly died and was saved from Undertaker, he became so much more willing to cause his little brother great troubles. I can see him planning to win against his brother, for the position of the heir of the Phantomhive and the darling, and afterwards get his hands on his brother as well and controlling and keeping them both for himself. Despite all he does still care for his brother, in a twisted sense, but it's there! He would still not be above taunting his brother if he should win.

☕🍵Even when all of you were younger, "Ciel" was already very possessive of the both of you. He was most likely more lenient with letting his brother spent time with you since Ciel suffered from asthma and for that couldn't leave the house for a longer time until it slowly got better and he was able to leave the house more often too. "Ciel" wanted to protect you even back then, together with his brother you were very important to him. I do not doubt that he might have liked you even back then, just like his younger brother did. Back then Ciel had a bit more of an advantage, most likely because he wasn't engaged to Lizzy. So the small boy sometimes talked that he wanted to marry you later on since you were together with his older brother one of the very few people who he was able to play and spent time with. He shared maybe the dream of opening a toy store in England together with you.

☕🍵"Ciel" was jealous because of this all, because his little brother and the girl he liked didn't have to be forced into the things he had to do. His partne had already been chosen, his life was already decided. He cared for his brother and knew that Ciel liked you, but he got jealous nevertheless and it might have led him to pleading his father if he could eventually not be the fiancé of Elizabeth, but with you. He had this dream of marrying you, just like his brother had. His parents most likely knew about his and Ciel's love of you and it worried them a bit. But separating you from the twins was a bad idea. "Ciel" would express his frustration an his anger and Ciel would be saddened and in a bad mood with his older brother reassuring him that you'll come back to them.

☕🍵But "Ciel" was from a very early age on just so much more charming than his younger brother was. He was more open, more playful, more fun to be with and could do much more with you than his brother could. It made Ciel worry a lot, knowing that due to his sickness he couldn't do all the things his brother could do. Due to that he always clinged somewhat onto you whenever you were with him. He was insecure, knowing that his brother was more of a fitting partner you might later on desire than him and due to that like him better later on that him.

☕🍵After "Ciel" died, his brother took his identity and the name of the Earl of Phantomhive. He had become a more cold and cruel individual. He had lost his brother and went through a terrifying experience which made him much more possessive over his childhood friend. He most likely managed to break off the engagement, using Sebastian as a way to set up rumors which led to the Midford's and him ending the engagement. He would be very smart about it just like his brother would be, though he would be more colder about it. I think since you knew them since childhood, you might realize that this isn't the real Ciel, but his little brother. And Ciel himself wouldn't want to keep this a secret for too long either. He had to go as a child through the fear of the darling potentially ending up liking "Ciel" more than him and whilst he didn't plan on his brother to die, he takes this advantage to make the darling his.

☕🍵He most likely kidnapped his darling so she wouldn't tell anyone about his real identity and locked her just up in his house with Sebastian and the servants making sure she doesn't escape. The servanta have unswaying loyalty towards their master so they wouldn't really believe you whenever you tell them that this isn't the real Ciel. You're somewhat stuck with Ciel having the upper hand.

☕🍵So the sudden appearance of "Ciel" ruined his plans and if it wouldn't have been for Lau and Ran Mao helping him escape, he would have ended up in a lot more troubles. "Ciel" would be for now the one who has a hold on his darling since she would be really thankful for his appearance since Ciel kept her isolated all for himself and it is also good to finally have the truth spilled out. Whilst "Ciel" isn't necessarily angry with his younger brother taking his identity, he is mad that Ciel treated you the way he did, abusing you directly mentally and being harsh with you. This isn't "Ciel's" style. I don't say he's any better, he is actually the more terrible one. But he is just so much more sly and charming about his way of manipulation and after years of being kept from the world, and since Ciel isn't the best in showing affection and his feelings too openly, the darling is just starved for more human feelings which "Ciel" uses to his advantage.

☕🍵He brings his darling into staying isolated anyways, whatever love he held beforehand for her became twisted and enhanced due to his transformation into a Bizarre Doll, though he doesn't tell his darling from this so she doesn't feel freaked out or scared. But he does uses his sudden physical dysfunction and weakness to guilt-trip her into staying with him. He was for years away and went through too much so it would be no wonder in her mind that he himself is love starved as well. He would be so much smarter about the engagement and use Elizabeth's confused feelings to break off the engagement again, but this time officially since the previous break up wasn't real due to his brother playing his role.

☕🍵He would quickly progress into courting his darling and making her his fiancée. He would just end up confessing his love after just spending time with her and given the circumstances, she might not have the heart to reject him and there is probably also the thought in her mind that this is "Ciel", the charming and caring boy. Nothing like his brother. That's what he is counting on, but in reality he is so much more fearful and terrible than his brother, instead of threatening and blackmailing, he relies more on gaslighting and effective guilt-tripping. He makes you paranoid of the world without you even knowing and you have to attend to him anyways more due to his weakened body.

☕🍵Currently Ciel is in a worse position, mostly because he doesn't have you. He is of now seen as a criminal, but at the very least is not alone. He has all his servants, Ran Mao, Lau and Sebastian by his side. He knows that his brother wants a fight, over power just as much as you and Ciel doesn't back exactly off from this. He's frustrated with the current situation and wants to turn the tables around. He knows "Ciel" can only function as long as he has plenty of fresh blood since his body needs it to function. So he plans on starting with cutting off all the places where he gets that blood from to beat him once and for all.

[travoltacustom]

The Presentation of Hifumi’s Trauma

I’ve been thinking on how Hifumi’s trauma has been presented for years now, and with the release of Bad Ass Temple VS Matenro, I feel like now’s as good a time as any to give my thoughts on this.

Note: This is in no way a defense of KR for the presentation of Hifumi’s trauma, but it is an analysis of such. I’m open to discussion on this and you’re free to disagree with me at any point on this. Most of this was also written BEFORE the release of the album, save for the last section.

CW: Mentions of abuse, trauma and rape + spoilers of the MTR dramatrack

I hear a lot that the presentation of Hifumi’s trauma is a ‘poor attempt at humour’, but I don’t exactly think it’s that simple. It is still a presentation of trauma, but it’s not portrayed as humorous in comparison to the rest of the humour of the series.

NARRATIVE

Hifumi panics when he sees women. He is unable to do anything until women are removed from the scene - but these instances are hardly ever the focus of the scene. It’s mostly used as a scene cutter to progress the story. When Chuo enters, Hifumi’s panic cuts off the situation and the focus shifts straight to the women. When the women find Hifumi, Doppo, Gentaro and Dice, Hifumi’s jacket is taken away to shift focus off of the women and to have Gentaro and Dice speak. Rather, Hifumi’s panic at these times are plot movers and not the focal point of the scene. Sadly, they can be seen as plot devices, but it’s not supposed to be seen as humour.

In addition to this, the ‘hysterical’ screaming (for lack of a better word) in the presence of women is limited to the dramatracks. In the manga and the anime, Hifumi runs away/removes himself from the presence of women. The purpose of Hifumi’s hysteria in the dramatracks is for visualisation purposes as there’s no visual aids - the reactions to women are toned down in the anime and manga. With this, it’s easier to believe that the anime and manga is the ‘intended’ portrayal of his reactions as the dramatrack has to make up for what isn’t seen.

PRESENTATION

The narrative is very aware that Hifumi’s trauma affects him badly. It’s a panic response. But it’s not the same as a panic attack. We know how awful the presentation of such can be, and it’s definitely something triggering for a lot of people. Personally, I would feel horrible to see him have a panic attack every time he saw a woman. KR doesn’t want to make his discomfort the focus of the scene either. Simply put, I think his trauma response is a part of the scene, but has less plot purpose than what is going on around it. 

Trauma can be presented in different ways, but it’s more controlled to see only a glimpse of how trauma has affected Hifumi. There are other ways of showing this trauma and how it’s affected Hifumi that HPMI has already covered: Hifumi being unable to take off his suit jacket, behavioural change when wearing the jacket, his extremely warped perception of danger when his life is threatened etc. He’s spent 10 years adapting to the trauma and is in a stage of recovery as he’s going to confront his said abuser. If we were compounding this plot point with an idea of a Hifumi that is always having panic attacks, then we would have a Hifumi that is clearly not ready to deal with what he wants.

COMPARISON

We know the writers can portray trauma as such from Jyushi’s backstory. If we remember the fandom response, there were people who were legitimately triggered to varying degrees by what happened to Jyushi’s grandmother and the severe bullying he suffered. Really, I believe that Hifumi’s trauma hasn’t been the forefront of scenes because narratively it’s not the time for this to happen yet.

There seems to be a ‘trauma-porn’ narrative around the need to have Hifumi’s trauma played out ‘correctly. Trauma porn is media that showcases a group’s pain and trauma in excessive amounts for the sake of entertainment. There’s no need right now to show the extent of how badly Hifumi has been affected, because his trauma isn’t the focal point of the story or his character. His past is about to be shown, but it shouldn’t be what defines Hifumi as a character. And even more importantly so, there’s no ‘right’ version of trauma to portray.

HONOBONO

[ This section is written post Bad Ass Temple VS Matenro’s dramatrack.]

There are no redeeming qualities to Honobono, the source of Hifumi’s trauma. She’s despised by Chuohku and kept around for her ‘usefulness’, and Doppo was unsure of Hifumi going to confront his own abuser. However, in the recent dramatrack, Hifumi’s power is taken away from him in Honobono forcing herself into his space. This is the first time we’ve ever seen Hifumi have an explosion of emotions; ‘a typical image of a panic attack’. It is an audibly uncomfortable scene, just as Jyushi’s backstory was to read. There are different levels to trauma responses that HPMI has shown us with the 1st season’s Hifumi with short moments, but this instance is long and drawn out with guttural screaming.

HPMI was always perfectly capable of showing trauma, but for a listener, to hear this sort of occurrence every time around a woman would be potentially harmful. At this moment, Hifumi was nearly completely paralysed, suffering a breakdown of his identity by switching pronouns and screaming (similar to Gentaro’s breakdown at the insult of his clothes). It is difficult to listen to this. I don’t believe you would’ve wanted to hear this every time Hifumi was reminded of Honobono. We’ve even learned that the abuse might not have been dealt directly to Hifumi but to his family - we see Hifumi’s love for his family here in being so torn by her actions, and how trauma does not have to deal with someone directly either.  However, the first instances of Hifumi’s trauma were more ‘digestible’ for a viewer, and they set us up for this moment. It was good that Hifumi’s panic responses were less heavy than the blow we’ve been dealt with this dramatrack.

In meeting Hifumi, Honobono greets her with “Hi-Fu-Mi”, just like how Hifumi says his own name in songs. It is most likely that Honobono said his name like this when they were in highschool; for Hifumi to use it in his songs now can be seen as a reclamation of his identity, as now Honobono can’t use his own name against him. Hifumi has spent years recovering from her, and seeing small hints of how he’s trying to move on from that time is a legitimately good way to understand the recovery from trauma.

WHAT IS IT?

The HPMI fandom seemed to have an ‘obsession’ with what exactly traumatised Hifumi up until this point. Most believed that it would have been sexual abuse/rape, given that he fears the opposite gender, and it wouldn’t have been the first time sexual themes have appeared in HPMI (the trafficked women at the start of BB/MTC’s manga). However, to think that ‘there is only one sort of trauma that can cause Hifumi’s pain’ is a dangerous idea. Almost anything can be traumatising, and almost anything can be a trigger. 

There’s no need to theorise ‘what is good enough’ to be a trauma for him. To fear women, it can simply be that a woman has done something bad to him - which we see is Honobono. When we hear women fearing men because a man did something bad to them, we don’t theorise what exactly happened to her. There’s the automatic assumption that gendered fear is the result of sexual abuse, when in reality, it can be any manner of abuse that has caused this.

OPINIONS

So I don’t think KR is portraying Hifumi’s trauma as humorous. It’s definitely awkward, but the narrative has constantly made it clear that he’s in a state of discomfort that stems from trauma and Doppo and Jakurai always do their best to move him out of those situations without drawing too much attention. Nobody in the story laughs at him, save for Asunaro, who’s an ill-mannered child without sensitivity towards both Doppo and Hifumi, and Honobono, the source of his trauma. Those who don’t understand Hifumi in the adult cast however only find confusion in him. 

There’s no ‘best’ portrayal of trauma in any media. But it’s clear that HPMI isn’t trying to be malicious or poke fun at any sort of trauma at all. If anything, I think the portrayal of it so far has been relatively ‘easy’ on common audiences that don’t explore such media, helping people to realise how trauma can manifest without forcing others who do have trauma to realise their pained experience in this media. Hifumi has been painted as someone relatable to those with trauma because he’s still a man who’s capable of doing his best while still stumbling along his way to recovery. Traumatised shouldn’t be the descriptor of Hifumi, but he is a character that has been traumatised.

While Honobono and her abuse is an integral part of Hifumi’s backstory, she does not define him as a person. To portray Hifumi as a strong character, despite moments of trauma responses, was a suitable choice in treating him respectably. 

[kingofthewilderwest]

what do you think of the ending of fmab? do you think it was well-written how ed was able to give up his gate of truth? i personally think it's a deus ex machina bc even if it WAS possible to give away your gate, it's kinda cheap that it has the same worth as Al's soul when it was established souls are invaluable. also even if ed did learn alchemy isnt all too great, i can still never see him choosing alchemy over their bodies even before he learned this lesson

I think it’s a downright *BRILLIANT* ending.

I would say it’s clearly planned from the beginning. Arakawa established the rules of equivalent exchange from the start. And one of the things she shows is that Ed could trade his leg for Al’s soul. I’m more used to hearing the FMA fandom joking about that exchange rather than Ed exchanging Al’s body and soul for the Gate of Truth, a gateway which is so powerful that entering inside of it provides you with all knowledge and understanding of the universe, not to mention the power of alchemy, which allows you to manipulate matter in magic-esque ways with ease. To me, it’s weirder to swap a leg with a soul, but I accepted the premise there (given as it’s a soul without a body, I can fly with it), so I’m more than fine accepting the exchange of Ultimate Knowledge And Power Of Everything with one human’s life.

Given as every character has a gateway, and it’s tied up into your identity, it seems just as plausible to me that someone could give up your gateway, just as you can a soul, or a leg, or your eyesight.

And it’s to note that... Truth has a say in the exchange. Ed is still the person offering his gate; Truth is the being accepting it. Truth approves of Ed’s loophole. Truth is the arbiter who takes things away when someone commits the taboo of Human Transmutation, and Truth intentionally takes away body parts that are representative of the person’s flaw. Truth knew about Ed’s arrogance from the beginning; Truth knows about what Ed learns now.

And what is it that Ed has learned?

As far as Ed and lessons, I believe that Ed giving up his ability to do alchemy is the entire demonstration of Ed learning a lesson. It’s the culmination of his character growth arc, in a way. 

Ed started as an arrogant character, one who believed alchemy was the ultimate way in which he could solve challenges - in some ways, rise above humanity's struggles. Alchemy will provide a solution to saving their bodies, too, he believes. Throughout the series, Ed and Al realize that they're only human. Moments like being unable to save Nina, or witnessing the birth in Rush Valley, or going through all the near-deaths they have in their adventures... make them see that what's truly great about humanity is its... humanity. Ed becomes humbled in understanding what he can and can't do, and at the same time, comes to find where the greatest value in his experiences are: his friends and family and the people around him.

FMA lets us know humanity's abilities are limited. We can't do everything. We can't raise the dead. We can't create life from nothing. This is all interconnected into the scholarship of Amestrian alchemy, especially as taught by Izumi: all living things are small in the grand scheme of the universe, but they’re interconnected into something incredible. We are one part of All is One and One is All. BUT. Humanity is also beautiful in what it can do: unite together, help one another, live together, fight for what's right. And as the FMA manga and FMAB shows, humanity is a beautiful thing, and all of human life should be cherished. It doesn't matter if you're a chimera, or a soul bound to armor, or Ishvalan, or Amestrian, or Xingese: your life is profoundly beautiful and worth being saved.

It’s to note that the reason the good guys win against Father is because of FMAB’s theme of how humanity unified is the ultimate best thing of humanity.  It’s this bonding strength of humanity that allows them to defeat Father. It’s the Dwarf in the Flask’s downfall to underestimate the power of working together over brute power and alchemical doings.

Likewise, the solution to getting Al’s body back isn’t alchemy: it’s the bond of the human spirit.

Ed giving up alchemy isn't a throwaway last minute deus ex machina, I’d say, because it’s integrated into the biggest themes of the story and the plot developments and Ed’s character development and more. By the end of the series, Ed has become humbler and wiser in acknowledging the limits of alchemy and the strength of humanity. It’s Ed having learned his lesson that alchemy is not all-powerful, to the point that it’s fine to give it up... to sacrifice it, in the ultimate act of solidarity to be with his brother.

The way I read you describing Ed’s exchange, you’re suggesting Ed never learned alchemy isn’t too great, or that Ed wouldn’t prioritize alchemy over physical bodies. Yet I think that Ed giving up alchemy is the culmination of an entire series of Ed learning better about alchemy’s strengths and weaknesses, and Ed growing into appreciating the strength of human character. Ed isn’t just trading clappy science for bodies here. Ed is making a trade to get what he finds most important: a promise to his brother kept, and a sacrifice to make his brother and him move forward in their personal lives. What Ed finds the more important thing isn’t the power of alchemy... but what he can do as a human with his brother. 

ALL of Al is now trapped behind the gate... without this exchange, Ed would never be with his brother again. And that bond Ed has forged with Al was always powerful from the start of the series, and inseparable, and deeper than his love for alchemy. And Ed, with an even greater appreciation for the human spirit at the end of the journey, is more than prepared to drop alchemy for a human bond.

Ed giving up alchemy is fine because he's human, and will be able to experience the great things of human life without alchemy. He'll be able to be with his brother again. He'll be able to live a life with Winry. Alchemy isn't needed for that. Alchemy can't save everything, anyway - they couldn't save Nina with it. Ed's much less arrogant than before, and is willing to give up alchemy for something he understands is much more beautiful and important. 

I’m sorry that this is a skimpy (for me) response, because I’m writing off the top of my head rather than pulling open the text and posting in manga graphics demonstrating my points. It would be fun to talk about this in more depth. Analyzing specific quotes and scenes throughout the manga and anime. Looking in depth at that final conversation with Truth. That stuff. But. I also recognize I have significantly less time in my life than I have in eras past. So I hope this answer suffices! In short, I feel like Arakawa had this ending planned from the start, interwove it with many important concepts that she developed through the series, and came up with a CLEVER AS FUCK loophole as to how Ed and Al can exit Truth’s presence whole - the brothers, who have shown to be intertwined in their beings throughout the series, can now walk together out one door.

[quirklessidiot]

Title: filthy rich [3/3]  Pairing: millionaire!sakusa kiyoomi x y/n [filthy capitalist au] Genre: mystery, major angst ahead, thriller, mafia!au-ish

Synopsis: Just run, Y/N. Don’t look back.

Warnings: dark and yandere themes, toxic relationships, mentions of violence, shady business, class differences, mentions of rape, smoll breeding kink, unwanted pregnancy, mentions of abortion, and sakusa being a manipulative bastard 

Notes: 

Im disappering again for a week or two so as a parting gift, here ya go, im starting a bokuto fanfic soon and posting the reboot of notice me soon too hnnng thanks for the wait guys uwu

A sorta realistic take on a yandere is harder than it looks kssjdn omg anyways here yall go the long awaited last chapter of filthy rich. I’m not sure if I should put like a one shot sequel but so far im marking this series completed. Thanks for sticking by!

previous || series masterlist || blood son [sequel;one shot]

You run your hands through your hair and shut your eyes tight, the quietness and stillness of your shared apartment was something to bask on before you put on a fake mask of happiness. It had been exactly two months since you found out about the birth control switch and the medaide agenda. 

In the span of those two months, you had grown more observant towards your boyfriend’s actions and you knew that it wouldn’t be anytime soon until he actually notices that you were onto him. 

You let out a shaky breath as you recollected some weird things you’ve seem to have noticed, how his brows would furrow when he’d receive a call indicating that something was up and it was serious or how you visited your ex-boss one time a week or so ago along with Kenjiro since you wanted to see how he was doing.

“...Well, he just didn’t come home and sold the place. Apparently he was in a rush to move or something because of family matters so I didn’t exactly see him.” the neighbor gossiped to you two.

“Y/N?”

You jump on your spot as you hear that dreadfully familiar voice.

“Hey,” You greet, walking up to him, you decide to do your usual hug but stop when you notice a small red stain on his necktie, the tie is dark blue and although it wasn’t obvious from afar, it definitely was up close. Your brows are furrowed together, this time in pure curiosity, “Did you get hurt? It’s unlike you to get messy.”

You notice the quick shift of attitude in his eyes, you were seemingly getting good at observing his emotions these days and it looked like he panicked for a second there.

Odd.

“A friend of mine had gotten hurt a while ago, you remember Atsumu Miya?”

A vivid image of a blonde man crossed your mind, he was another conglomerate friend of your boyfriend, another person to be weary of to add to the list, “Oh, is he alright?��� you asked, trying to keep it casual as you untie his tie for him as usual.

“Yes. He’s awfully clumsy. You don’t need to worry.”

“Oh…” You mumbled, “by the way, I visited my ex-chief.”

“Ex-chief?”

“Mhm.” you hummed, “You know, my boss from before? Me and a few co-workers decided to visit him since he was a really good boss. Turns out he just left without telling anyone, poor man.”

“Sounds unpleasant. Did you know why he quit?”

“No.” You shrugged as you take the tie out and place it on the side, “He suddenly just quit his job and moved, neighbors said it was also because of family matters. It’s kinda weird because as far as we knew, he didn’t have a family.”

“Would you like me to look into it?”

You almost stiffen when he slithers his arms on your waist but you didn’t want to give away any suspicion, “No. I don’t want to pry. Hopefully he’s enjoying his retirement.” You sighed, turning towards him with a tight smile, “Now what would you like for dinner? I was thinking Mediterranean? I need to lose some weight since I’ve been feeling bloated for a while.”

He leans in for a soft kiss on your temple, “Mediterranean would be fine. Would you like anything else? We could order more.” he hummed, his lips slowly started to dangerously hover on top of yours.

“No, it’s fine.” You give him a quick peck and wiggle your way out of his arms, your stomach doesn’t feel well these days. Whenever you were near Sakusa you had the urge to throw up your innards despite having an empty stomach.

You don’t notice the dangerous gaze on your behind as you pick up the phone for your take-out.

Sakusa hasn’t felt you in a long time and it’s driving him insane, he wants to feel your heat, your body, and everything in between. He wants to fill you up and see you pregnant with his children. He wants everyone in the world to know you were his and his only.

Yet he can’t do that.

You’ve ignored his affections these past few weeks and it had been driving him insane to the point where he had to ask one of his men to put an eye on you to see if you had been cheating on him or seeing someone else.

Yet you hadn’t.

Your routine was the same old one and Sakusa is digging his nails deeply into his skin in his office one day with his tie uncharacteristically untied. Miya Atsumu sits across him, taking a sip from his flask, “Ya look like shit.” the blonde points out.

“Fuck off, Miya.”

“Heard from your cousin that you’re not getting laid by your girl these days.”

“You better be thankful that you’ve got men behind you or I’d be shooting your fucking brains out for saying that.” Sakusa spats, his dark gaze pointedly looking at the blonde across him.

“You should just find someone else then and not yer prude of a-”

“Keep telling me ideas like that and maybe I might just shoot you and chop your body up until it looks fuckin’ unrecognizable.”

Atsumu raises his hands up, signaling that he was giving up, “Gee, omi-omi. I was just giving my advise. It’s so easy to drop her.”

“I don’t want to drop what’s mine.”

“You’ve got issues.” He chuckles, “Haven’t you been switching out her pills and fucking her raw for the last couple of months? I bet yer ass you got her pregnant on that before but ya just don’t know it. Getting her pregnant would definitely secure her spot in her life. Woman’s nuthin’ without ya.”

“She’s...she’s not showing…”

“When was the last time ya two went at it?”

“Two months ago.”

“Ya poor boy.” Atsumu sighs, shaking his head, “Ya sure you don’t want to take a break from being a loyal boyfriend for one night? i bet Y/N wouldn’t notice.”

“And no one would notice if you fucking disappeared. I’ll make sure of it, now get out.”

You may not have been the sharpest tool on the shed but you know that someone’s been tailing you these past few days, you’re not stupid. You could only come to the conclusion that it was Sakusa who was doing such things but you couldn’t get why.

Something just didn’t make sense. It felt like you were missing an important piece in the puzzle, med-aide and the switch of your pills and now a hidden tail?

You furrow your brows together in deep thought  as you sat down next to a teenage boy on his phone, you decided to take the bus today to the grocery store, surprisingly the one tailing you wasn’t around today.

Your eyes slowly shift towards the boy’s phone, it seemed like he was playing a video game.

An otome game, to be exact.

You felt your lips twitch up, you remembered those games a lot growing up. The graphics seem to have massively improved now by the looks of it, “...That looks interesting.” You tell the teenage boy who turns to you in surprise.

“Oh, thanks.” the blonde replied quietly.

“Is that a new otome game?”

“Kind of.” He blinks, his gaze returning back to the screen,  “It’s sort of a remake of the yandere simulator from back then.”

You feel your shoulders tense up.

“A yandere?”

“Yeah.” The blonde nods, “The girl’s awfully creepy in the game, she stalks him, does things to get him. The player has to catch her in the act and evade her at the same time.”

“Oh…” You blink, “I-uh, this is weird… but what’s a yandere again?’

“It’s someone obsessively in love with you. They’ll do anything to have you stay by them.” He says, pushing on a button but suddenly the screen turns red and you feel shivers run down your spine as you hear him curse and the words ‘you’re caught’ appear on the screen.

“W-what happened to your character?”

“He died. Nothing much.” he mumbles, “If the Yandere knows they can’t have you, they’ll kill you.”

You immediately went pale as soon as you heard that. Maybe, just maybe you were being paranoid. He wouldn’t go to that extent, would he?

“How did your character escape the yandere in the game?” 

“Well, I haven’t finished the game yet but based on some anime’s and manga’s I've usually read. They either killed to get away or they moved so far away where they wouldn’t be seen so I think the creator might have the same ending.” The blonde said, he slowly looked to your side, “You’re looking awfully pale, ma’am. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, j-just remembered a horrible game I played back when I was your age.” You gulped in, “Nightmares, you know? The yandere tried to get my character pregnant and tried to get in her way of moving out of the country.”

“Sounds like a very realistic one.”  He mumbles, “What did your character do?”

“I wasn’t able to finish it.” you whispered, loud enough for him to only hear, “I couldn’t really find a way out.”

“The developers of the game must’ve made it hard for you. Maybe your character should’ve ran away,” he advised, “Or better yet, you should’ve killed him.”

“I-well, I don't think there were options like that.”

“Well if I were you and there was no option for killing, I’d run. Far, far away. Change my identity and all that.” he exits the game and stuffs the phone back in his pocket, you get a good look of his cat-like eyes and immediately feel a shiver on your spine with the next words he say, “I mean its a game but you wouldn’t wanna loose and get your character killed, right?”

“R-right.”

The teenage boy hops down without even saying goodbye and you have a scary realization that you can’t break it off like you originally had planned. You needed to run, run far as you can and get lost.

The words that the teenage boy says echoes in your head for the next few days, from that point on, realization dawns upon you that, nothing is certain now. You couldn’t trust anyone, you couldn’t let friends and family be involved in this. Sakusa Kiyoomi is a powerful man so you needed to be careful with how you were going to disappear.

You continue to act nonchalant and the same as you try to lay out your plan but you knew that you had only a week or so to complete this for it to successfully work.

Sakusa Kiyoomi wonders what he should do to save the relationship, he’s tried everything in the book that he could think of but you remained the same. Was this the end of the relationship? For real?

He could never stomach the idea of having you leave him.

It’s eerie that day, something felt different when he came home to an empty apartment. It looked the same yet something felt very, very different. Apparently the apartment guards said you were here since your car hadn’t left the driveway and they hadn’t seen you go out.

He checks out your side of the closet, your clothes remain there untouched and your toiletries were there too. He scans the fridge for your notes but nothing is stuck there. He suddenly feels like something cold was dumped on him.

It couldn’t be, right?

Right?

He runs to every room, checking every nook and cranny and when he finally reaches the last room which was the bathroom, nothing is there.

Everything was in its place except you.

Where were you?

Your bank account remains untouched, your wallet and phone was left in the apartment. It was as if you were returning home, the very least. Komori tells him to calm down, saying that they’re letting the best people find you around the city, they don’t rule out that someone might’ve had the audacity to touch you.

Whoever took you would be given hell to pay, that’s for sure. Was it the triad? Kkangpae’s? Or opposing yakuza’s? Oh, they’ll definitely have their heads on the platter if they tried to harm a single hair on your head.

Sakusa doesn’t even hesitate to notify the police about you already despite the memorandum that twenty-four hours is needed to consider a person missing, it's nothing a little money can fix.

“I hope we find her soon.” Your aunt sighed, “I’ve notified her parents about it. It’s definitely weird that she’d leave all her valuables behind.”

Hinata and Natsu sit there next to their mom, completely sad and worried, “I’ve hired the best people for it already, obaasan. We’ll find Y/N.” Sakusa replies yet his thoughts are in a complete frenzy now.

And find you they did.

No stone was left unturned. He made sure of it. Yet after a month of relentless searching. Nothing came up, it seemed like you had just vanished and Sakusa Kiyoomi had turned the whole underground world upside down for you but nothing came up.

Some say that you disappeared and ran away but that was immediately ruled out, no security cameras saw you in and out during that day and it would be impossible for you to just leave without security cameras on you. The guard had exclaimed that despite the blackout that day, the generators only took a few minutes to power up so they’d definitely catch you on camera in case you ever exited the building (along with the guards since they knew exactly what you looked liked) plus the clothes and such were still there, left untouched.

Some said you died, it was definitely impossible for you to just vanish without a single trace after all since everyone was looking for you.

Yet no one dared to say it in front of the boss, not if they valued their life.

The billionaire had dried out his connections to find you. What good was it to be the most powerful and richest man in the country if he couldn’t find you? Life had no meaning now, you were gone. It felt like a part of him was ceasing to function.

Sakusa Kiyoomi was a dead man walking now.

Unknown to the whole world, you’re in a small town with little to no signal. Your hair is chopped unevenly and your skin is darker from the repeated exposure under the sun, your life is simple and mundane now yet you’re happy.

For the first time in months, you actually felt free.

You shut your eyes tight, the events that transpired this past few months replayed  in your head. Your escape was definitely done as carefully as you can and you didn’t even know if you’d succeed since you weren’t a master in that sort of thing.

You recalled that it was a week before you ran away, a few days after you met that kid in the bus. Someone from the electric company had come to inform you that there was a scheduled black out in the city that day during the afternoon and you felt something bubble up in you. That was the day you’d put your plan into motion.

You knew that the longer you delayed your plan, the harder it would be to escape.

You had a few minutes to actually put your plan to work. The camera’s on the hallways would cease to function for a few minutes according to the guard downstairs as he did a protocol on the building (apparently the generators were quick). So that morning after Sakusa left, you placed only a few clothes and the stash of money you had been carefully hiding in a garbage bag and chopped your hair short in an uneven manner. Burning all the remaining hair on the fireplace and the black hair color that you use with it. The maid uniform that you stole on your floor and a fake name plate that you made was on and you were good to go.

The minute the black out started, you took the garbage bag and walked out. Taking the stairway used by the caretakers, you made sure to just look down and never directly up at the camera’s pretending to work.

When you finally made it out of your building. You let out a stiff sigh and put down the bag, it was only the beginning. If you thought the same way as Sakusa Kiyoomi, you could only imagine that you needed to be more careful from this point on.

You take the newly bought duffel bag that you strategically hid behind some boxes. Thankfully when you had placed it yesterday afternoon, it hadn’t been touched. 

You put on a pair of shorts and a baggy shirt with cheap shades and stuffed the maid uniform in the duffel bag along with your belongings in the garbage bag. You take the other route that led to the busy streets. It was easy to look like a tourist and seemingly blend in the crowd, from that point on, you only had one destination in mind.

When you were younger, you vividly remember an acquaintance telling you about this small town outside of Tokyo where her grandparents were from. It was only an hour away via plane and when you went down another few hours via bus yet if you took the bus route all in all, it would take a few days.

Since it was far, only a few busses actually went there and since you had to leave within the day, you decided to just take the bus nearest to that town and take another bus when you arrived there.

The plan smooth-sailed from that point on.

Except for one minor detail.

You open your eyes and look down at your now small bump. The monster who almost had you trapped left a parting gift, you grip your garden hoe tightly.

A big part of you wanted to kill it.

Yet every time you try to, you hesitate.

The moment you arrived here, you had to pretend to be a weary and poor widow. You just didn’t expect to be a weary and poor expecting widow. You let out an uncharted sigh at the thought, it was hard enough to be alone here with little to no money. 

This child had the demon’s blood in it.

Yes, you may have gone free from his cage but in truth with his seed growing in your stomach day by day, you started to feel quite the opposite.

taglist [thanks for your support ilyasm skkss im so sorry for updating late too :(]

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@kn0xiousnight  

[can’t tag you guys uwu just make sure ur tags are open :<]

[iwa1zumis]

“i love you and i like you”: passion and burnout in Haikyuu!! 

tw: discussions of self harm, anxiety, burnout and breakdowns. 

spoilers for the whole manga!! 

okay this is probably gnna be jflkafjdklfj all over the place, but i’ve been thinking a lot lately about the difference between loving and liking something, and how haikyuu emphasises the importance of both those feelings being present when pursuing a passion. 

a quick look at google (and i KNOW my college professors are cringing away in horror victor frankenstein-style @ my use of google definitions but jflajfsdk bear with me!!) demonstrates how often the concepts of love and like are conflated, with love her being framed as a sort of deeper or more intense like: “to like or enjoy very much” to be specific. but personally i’ve always thought there’s something a bit misleading about that kind of definition, since its absolutely possible to love something or someone without necessarily liking them. to take a personal example: i love debate. i debated through middle and high school, made captain of the debate team, and was constantly travelling to and fro for different tournaments. even before i started to debate formally i’d jump at the chance to do mini-debates in class, argue with and rebut parents and friends over meals and causal conversation.... you get the idea. i loved debate, and still love it dearly, but i honestly don’t think i particularly liked it much. tournaments would always fill me with the most INSANE kind of stress, i’d barely eat or sleep in the days leading up to a meet, and i’ve had more muffled bathroom breakdowns in between rebuttals than i can count. after my final year of high school, i decided against joining the debate at university. i knew that if i were to retain ANY love for the activity going into the future, i had to force myself to take a break. 

so what does this solipsistic tangent have to do with haikyuu, you ask? well i have no doubt that a vast majority of the players in the series love volleyball. they’re dedicated and passionate about it. they hunger for the chance to be put on the court. but do they like to play? 

1. oikawa: “i forgot that volleyball can be fun” 

ofc i wouldn’t be an oikawa stan worth my salt if i didn’t start this off with the (grand) king himself!! imo one of the reasons why oikawa is such a popular and well-loved character is his constant determination to keep moving forward and playing, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable opponents and adversities (”never forget my worthless pride”, anyone?). inevitably, all the hard work and practise he put into his craft has left him with a very carefully constructed, put together playstyle-- he’s the kind of player who knows how to bring the best out of each and every teammate on the court because of the amount of time he spends observing them and playing with them. it’s an outlook and playstyle best encapsulated in his now iconic line during the second karasuno v seijoh match: 

“Talent is something you make bloom, instinct is something you polish!” 

in my opinion the word “polish” it super significant here-- it explicitly singles out the years and years of hard work that set a foundation for his talent and instinct to shine. 

but what happens when they don’t shine? there’s no denying that oikawa is an incredibly skilled and intuitive player (something that hinata’s acknowledgment of him as the “great king” to kageyama’s “king” immediately sets out) but oikawa himself is acutely aware of the fact that he can never quite measure up to his long-time rival ushijima or his immensely talented protege kageyama. oikawa’s self described strategy to deal with opponents is to: 

“Hit it until it breaks” 

but what happens when hitting something again and again with your carefully honed, “polished” skills yields no results? imo there’s a very clear binary mentality drawn here-- either you hit it and it breaks, asserting your superiority; or you hit it and it doesn’t break, enforcing your inferiority. with each perceived loss against ushijima and kageyama, oikawa’s internalized logic holds his own weakness up to his own face, shaking his faith in himself as a player. if you’ll pardon the on-the-nose-metaphor: the whole “hitting it till it breaks” strategy is a two-way street, and oikawa has been hitting himself, metaphorically speaking, for a very long time. i have no doubt that he loved volleyball, passionately, through middle and high school. but with his inferiority complex growing in the face of constantly refuted results, i think he slowly began to like it less and less. 

so how does oikawa get his groove back? to answer that, we’ll have to turn to the post-timeskip chapters, particularly the two chapters that deal with oikawa and hinata’s unexpected meeting in Rio (372 and 373 for anyone curious!). while reminiscing with hinata over dinner, oikawa finally reveals the event that made him want to play volleyball (as a setter, to be exact)-- as a child, he watched veteran setter jose blanco step into a game and

“... inconspicuously help[ed] the ace get his bearings again... and then simply left the court.” 

oikawa’s reaction to blanco’s playstyle might just be one of my favourite panels in the chapter for how it conveys so much with such little space: 

the stammer of “i-i--”, which suggests a sense of resolve and determination forming in real time, finally coalesces into the determined declaration of “i wanna be a setter too!” what i took from this is that oikawa’s admiration for-- and liking of-- blanco expresses itself in the agency with which he makes his choice, in this case, actively deciding to be a setter so that he can support players on the court like blanco did. the liking that oikawa has here is therefore inherently linked to the agency and freedom he feels here-- freedom to choose his position, and how he wants his volleyball career to develop. 

this recollection of his childhood memories, and the subsequent game of beach volleyball that oikawa and hinata play afterwards, essentially push oikawa back into the mental and physical space of a child or beginner, as the manga demonstrates with panels of oikawa being forced to ditch his usual carefully developed, polished playstyle to learn the ropes of beach volleyball: 

ultimately concluding with the beautiful panel transition of oikawa, as a child AND adult, celebrating after a successful play: 

“It reminds me that-- I forgot that-- volleyball is fun.”

in a different country, playing a familiar game by slightly different rules and led back into the mentality and freedom of a novice after years of careful development, oikawa rediscovers his liking for the game. 

2. kageyama: “when you get strong, someone stronger will rise to meet you” 

moving on to the king of the court himself!! i’d argue that kageyama’s childhood memories and experiences of volleyball function almost oppositely to oikawa’s-- while oikawa has to re-access the sensation of being a beginner again to like the game along with loving it, kageyama’s process of coming to like and love volleyball come from moving away from his early experiences and into a new phase of playing-- specifically, his partnership with hinata. 

one of kageyama’s defining features is his individualism-- he’s both skilled and solitary enough to prefer to, as he puts it, “play every single position on the court”. notably, he wants to become a setter because: 

“[it’s] the one that touches the ball the most.”

in fact, i’d argue that kageyama’s “king of the court” attitude that he was known for in middle school is an extension of this individualistic mindset: he holds himself to extremely high standards, and expects his team-mates (as extensions of himself) to meet those very same standards. the similarities between his internal monologue and his commands to kindaichi in these two panels, for example, are strikingly, visibly similar: 

there’s that near-identical intonation of “move faster, jump higher!” that implies that the way he treats his teammates is just an extension of how he treats himself-- a deeply self-critical, miserable way, as it turns out. it’s telling that for the first few chapters of a manga in which characters’ eyes literally light up when they’re happy, passionate or excited, kageyama’s eyes are drawn as pitch black, even while he’s playing. 

imo the reason why hinata’s appearance, and their later partnership, is so significant for kageyama’s personal development is because he can’t treat hinata like an extension of himself. hinata challenges him and his preconcieved notions of the sport at every turn: first with his lightning-fast reflexes and raw intuition, and then with his determination to hit kageyama’s toss no matter what. in fact, the first time that kageyama’s eyes light up in the manga is, you guessed it, when he and hinata first pull off a successful “freak quick”: 

during the post-timeskip chapters we’re introduced to kageyama’s backstory in much greater detail: the way in which his grandfather fostered his passion for volleyball and the timing with which his grandfather’s illness and later death left kageyama increasingly alienated, thus further enforcing his individualist mentality. but what the chapter also gave us was an explicit confirmation of a theme that had been built up from the very beginning of the story, when kageyama’s grandfather tells him: 

“when you get really strong, i promise someone stronger will rise to meet you”

i’ve seen translations of the line that use both “meet” and “challenge”, and personally i’d have to say that i prefer “challenge” for what it implies-- even before hinata got strong enough to actually meet kageyama halfway he challenged him to move away from his pre-established mindset of doing everything himself, and into one where he actually comes to enjoy-- and like-- volleyball. 

3. hirugami: “maybe you’ve just had your fill”

hirugami’s case is kind of a strange one-- unlike oikawa and kageyama he’s not a major character, and his relationship with volleyball only gets a single backstory chapter as opposed to a series-long arc. but i personally ADORE his mini-arc for the things it has to say about burnout, passion and moving on. 

hirugami is introduced as the youngest member of a volleyball family-- his parents, older brother and older sister all play the sport. when explaining how he began to play himself, hirugami says: 

“... naturally, i started to play too. because i was good at it, and it was fun.” 

imo there are a lot of really interesting things to pick apart with this phrasing: the “naturally” implies a foregone conclusion but also a degree of passivity, like he himself recognises that he was swept up in his family’s influence. the “it was fun” coming AFTER “because i was good for it” also implies a degree of correlation, as though if he didn’t have the aptitude, he wouldn’t enjoy the game (a mindset markedly different to both oikawa and kageyama). as hirugami gets older, this correlation of being good ----> having fun ----> being able to play begins to reverse, and therefore manifest in increasingly self destructive ways: 

the main impetus for hirugami has now become not wanting to lose, which therefore requires a degree of heightened practise and self discipline in order to achieve. notably, having fun has been reduced to an afterthought, a state that might be achieved if he wins. 

the correlation of “winning” and “being good” is a slipperly slope to go down, though, something that becomes especially apparent after hirugami’s team lose a game. the frustration of being unable to reach his goal of winning manifests itself as not being “good enough”-- acting on this, hirugami seeks to punish himself for “messing up”: 

the close up panel of hirugami’s “confession” after hoshiumi confronts him hits particularly hard because it taps into a feeling that i’m sure almost all of us have felt at one point or another-- the realisation that something you once both loved AND liked is now only bringing you misery: 

ironically, it’s actually this acknowledgement of “not really liking volleyball that much” that acts as a catalyst for hirugami’s recovery from burnout. hoshiumi’s acknowledgement of, and reply to, hirugami’s state is seemingly simple but deeply freeing: 

and honestly, why not just quit? there’s nothing tethering hirugami to volleyball, certainly nothing as serious as life or death. personally my favourite part of this panel is hoshiumi’s description of volleyball as food from which hoshiumi has “eaten his fill”-- a lovely metaphor that re-contextualizes what could be seen as “time wasted” into something productive and indeed nourishing. 

when we check up on hirugami post time-skip, we find out that he has indeed quit playing volleyball in favour of going to veterinary school, but he’s seen watching the game between the jackals and adlers on his phone with an eager, fond smile on his face, implying that it was the act of moving away from the table (so to speak) after eating his fill that let him still hold on to a love and passion for the game, even though he is now interacting with it as a spectator instead of a player. and indeed that might just be why i love hirugami’s arc so much-- with it, haikyuu tells us that sometimes passion’s don’t need to be re-ignited in the same way. while oikawa and kageyama rediscover their love for, and liking of, the game through a return to childhood and the arrival of a new partner respectively, hirugami’s journey away from burnout comes from recognizing that he can step away from the volleyball court, and that the love and like will still remain. 

[13eyond13]

Well, that's the thing, he established a contrast between L and all the other characters, even though he said he could never have created the other characters either, and only said of L that he didn't feel real for him. That's why it never sat well for me, despite it being a good opinion at first glance.

And I agree. I read some similar things about both Near and Mello in the How to read while checking for that information. I'm not too surprised either about what you say about Platinum End, though I have not read it myself. I don't rely much on them either to form my opinion besides what's in the text, I agree it seems like the best choice all things considering. Like the Ryuzaki thing having to do with L and R sounding similar, I see that, but prefer to roll with Another Note here. It works wonderfully with it being Beyond Birthday's real name (I was this 👌 close to start rambling about identity again but goodness what a wonderful messy thing L has going on there). And still the washing machine bugged me, I couldn't help it. I thought for the longest time it was some kind of absurd joke headcanon popular in the DN fandom and I liked it a lot more as such xD

I don't like to dismiss completely File no. 15 though! I don't know if this is an unpopular opinion (pseudo ☕), but I love that L visits museums and likes art, and that he enjoys going to the park at times, and maybe I'm biased due to my background, but I adore and find so thought inspiring that he finished the demonstration in his first case with "Q.E.D."! The message is long again (with the new limitless asks it's easy to get carried away), but I wanted to add some positive things. I didn't mean to sound so bitter and negative in the other messages, sorry about that.

May I ask what are some of your own unpopular opinions? You don't have to reply, of course.

Oh, I didn't know the asks became limitless recently 😆 No worries, you didn't sound bitter! I tend to like being a bit critical or negative as a way of analyzing or attempting to discuss stuff honestly as well, and that's bound to happen in unpopular opinion sharing. I think it's valid to still be bothered by those things in the HTR13. I was just explaining how much I prioritize it or let it affect my feelings personally when it comes to my own interpretations of things.

Oh man, I haven't thought about my own unpopular opinions in a long time! But I think I made a list of them once in an ask I received way back in the day... I'll copy some here and then add some others, too.

I hope I don't offend anyone with these opinions, I'm not saying these are objectively true or anything but my own subjective takes, but

Some Unpopular Opinions:

-I think Misa is a worse person than Light and would rather hang out with him and be friends with him than with her. This is mostly because of how differently he acted upon losing his memories whereas she stayed almost exactly the same.

-I strongly prefer the manga to the anime because I think it's better written, more consistent, funnier, prettier, and more in-depth with all the characters and themes. I love stuff about the anime like the music, but I don't think the changes the anime made to L such as seemingly giving him regretful emotions before his death and little flashbacks to his past were automatically improvements on his manga self. I think he was far more original and complex as a character without that other stuff added in

-I LOVE LIGHT YAGAMI and can’t comprehend not loving him because he’s such a good character. Roasting him is always fun, but just straight up hating on him with no sense of humour about it is boring to me

-L is probably my all-time fave character but at the same time I think he can get a bit boring after a while if he isn’t fleshed out more in shippy fanfics and things. I love it when people give him a backstory and an interesting life in fics that go in-depth, because otherwise he can be left too much of a question mark

-Lawlight is both my favourite ship and also something I find a little overrated in the fandom at times. I think it's a really entertaining ship as an uncertain one full of tension and mind-games, but when it comes to actually putting them into a secure and loving relationship I end up getting easily bored by it

-sometimes I think Wammy's is overrated in the fandom compared to the other interesting characters and stuff in the series as well. I would love to see a little more exploration of the task force and SPK and mafia and such instead

-I think Higuchi was actually pretty nice to Misa on their date and the only thing that was awkward was that he lunged at her a little in the car when he got excited, lol

-I love Kiyomi and think it’s so silly to hate on her just because she killed Mello, he kidnapped her and made her strip at gunpoint first. I also think she gets blamed more harshly for things the guys also do sometimes, both by the characters in the story and by fans

-I don't believe Matsuda is as much of a pure cinnamon roll as some people seem to think, but he's more interesting with that darker side included in his characterization too

-I LOVE NEAR and think he’s so funny, and one of the most three-dimensional characters in the manga

-I think it was a good story choice that L died when he did and that he wasn't the final one in the warehouse showdown (though if I had only watched the anime that probably wouldn't be the case)

-I like that the story says that all the characters go to MU no matter what they do. I don't see it as just an edgy nihilistic thing which we should pretend isn't part of the story due to being too depressing to think about. In my opinion it's important to include it because it forces the audience to draw their own conclusions about the actions we see onscreen, and who we choose to sympathize with or condemn. If there was some sort of afterlife consequences based on the characters' morality it would easily become way too weirdly preachy or annoyingly nonsensical for me. And I respect how permanent the character deaths are because it would weaken the dramatic stakes and lessen the tension a lot if characters could arbitrarily come back from the dead

[kacchanrawr]

People are not Born Equal

The common argument I see Deku antis and MHA antis use is that Deku is a bad protagonist because he just got OFA out of nothing and he didn’t really work hard for it or anything. They say he’s supposed to be teaching us the value of hard work or the typical "hard work gets you anywhere" shit, and frankly it pisses me off.

In the first place, "hard work gets you anywhere" isn't even the main theme of MHA. The story reflects on our modern society, but that theme only really works in old fantasy worlds. Using Black Clover as a comparison, notice how 14-year-old Deku said he'd give up and face reality moments before All Might appeared and offered OFA to him, while 15-year-old Asta is still all 'never give up'? A teenager in a modern society is hit harder with realism than one in a world of magic. Even if they're essentially just 'powers' in our eyes, in their respective worlds, quirks are a part of a person's identity, while magic is a measure of their strength.

With realism in mind, it should be a given that hard work doesn't solve everything. In fact, one of the very first lines of the manga is "people are not born equal". In the world of MHA, people are born with quirks, some incredibly powerful, some that are hella useless, and some with none. They didn't work hard to earn them, but they worked hard to hone their powers. And even with the hard work of honing their powers, there's still gonna be a despairing difference between those who were born lucky, and those who were born unlucky but worked hard. But in Deku's case, he worked hard to earn his quirk, and continues to work hard in honing it.

Maybe as kids, we are shown stories (particularly children’s storybooks) with "anyone can get anywhere if they work hard" as it’s main themes. We are shown stories of people who started as underdogs, but because they worked hard, they become successful, powerful and they achieve their dreams. But really, outside of a story, how often does that really happen in real life? Very rarely, not just in real life, but even in other forms of media. If it were common, it wouldn’t be a story after all, right? Plenty of people work hard all the time, yet they never become successful and just stay stuck at one place. Not everyone can be a story protagonist. And maybe that's why Deku narrates MHA like he's telling a story. To the ordinary quirkless 14 year old kid, this would feel nothing more like a story.

That's not to say that perseverance and hard work aren’t important. They’re what give you, and plenty of other people the ticket or the chance to stand on the platform, but in the end, only a few people get to board the train to success. Working hard increases your probability of being able to board the train, but it's still a matter of luck. Luck and perseverance come hand in hand.

There's the luck to be born special, such that even if you were raised thinking you are ordinary and an underdog all your life, there is actually some kind of destiny waiting for you that you can achieve if you combine that luck with perseverance. Asta was lucky because he was kind of destined to get the anti-magic grimore, but he still worked hard to get far. Then there's the luck of pure chance. Deku was lucky to meet All Might and prove himself, but he also worked hard to get far.

Also, you know how when the main character is having an internal monologue and reminiscing their adventures, they usually talk about how far they've come and how hard they've worked for it, right? But with Deku, he just thought "I'm so blessed" The point is that he started out as completely ordinary, and was given the chance when he proved himself worthy in All Might's eyes. That's why there are so many times where Deku says "to live up to All Might's expectations"

[alyasgf]

Adrien’s Admirer- Adrinette April Day 6 -Anime!

Summary- Adrien Agreste has a secret admirer and its none other than Marinette Dupain Cheng.

Word Count

1650

Excerpt

Realizing how insane it’d look to carry all of these presents to Adrien at once and that all of them being from her might be weird, an idea struck.

“What if I hid them around for him to find from a secret admirer!” Marinette proposed excitedly. “It’d be perfect! I’d be able to see his adorable reactions without feeling embarrassed!”

AO3

The pedestal Marinette had put Adrien on in her younger years had been far too high. It seemed the more time she spent with him the dorkier and more human he became. First it had been the puns, then his concerningly large ladybug merchandise collection that he was extremely fond of, and now he’s a huge anime fan.

Marinette hadn’t meant to find his anime dvd collection. He had asked her to choose a movie while he grabbed snacks since they finished studying early enough that Nathalie had yet to come to kick her out. She had already gone through a few shelves when she found one that seemed to be hidden in a corner. As she looked closer she noticed the entire shelf was filled with volumes of anime, and the shelf beside it manga.

She couldn’t imagine why it was hidden. Was he ashamed? Adrien had been sheltered most his life and the way he acted, well Marinette was surprised she hadn’t realized sooner. Half his lines felt as though they were picked straight from an anime.

As she heard him approach the door she chose a random horror movie and went to sit down. This gave her a perfect idea.

As Adrien went to a closet collected blankets to sit on, Marinette began brainstorming for the perfect birthday present to incorporate her latest discovery.

————————————————————

By the time September 3 rolled around Marinette was slightly worried she’d gone too far this time. At first, she decided to just design a sweater with a few of the animes she remembered seeing in his collection. But she saw the cutest My Hero Academia beanie while at the shops and just had to remake it. Then came socks, pjs, and a ladybug mug she she happened to pass by.

But any friend would go out of their way to cater to a friends interests right?

“Absolutely not, Marinette.”

“Well thanks Alya.” Marinette huffed while packaging all of the gifts in her room the night before.

“Girl, I think its about time you told him! Its been years and not just anyone spends upwards of 40 hours working on gifts for a ‘friends’ niche interest.” Alya cooed at her from atop of her bed.

“Are you crazy? I just gained enough confidence to be his friend, confessing my love to him is a whole other level I can’t even begin to be ready for!” Realizing how insane it’d look to carry all of these presents to Adrien at once and that all of them being from her might be weird, an idea struck.

“What if I hid them around for him to find from a secret admirer!” Marinette proposed excitedly. “It’d be perfect! I’d be able to see his adorable reactions without feeling embarrassed!”

Alya sighed. “I guess it’s better than you panicking and never giving them to him.” She replied dejectedly.

“Thats the spirit.” Marinette said, taping the last perfectly wrapped gift and joining her friend on the bed. “Now since you’re here you’re obligated to help me plan this.”

“I’m not the one with his schedule memorized.” Alya complained, groaning. “What help am I?”

“Moral support!”

———————————————————

Adrien woke up the next morning to his usual. A lonely breakfast and a report of his schedule from Nathalie. He almost could have been fooled into thinking it was any other day.

“Your father sends his wishes Adrien.” Nathalie said as she walked out of the room.

One thing he could be excited by was school. There there’d hugs and birthday wishes and maybe even a sweet snack from a certain blue eyed girl.

————————

As expected, as he steeped out of the sleek black car (after receiving a small Ladybug action figure from the gorilla) he was practically toppled by Nino.

“Happy birthday bro!” He exclaimed, hugging him tightly.

Adrien smiled fondly at the boy. “Thanks Nino.” He said with a chuckle.

“Hopefully your old man will let me come over after school and I can give you your present then?.” Nino questioned hopeful.

“Sorry, I have fencing after school.” Adrien sighed.

“Can’t you just skip? It is your birthday after all.” Nino whined.

“You know how he is. The world could be ending but as long as I’m on time for my appointments he won’t care.” Adrien replied, walking along with Nino towards the front of the school.

As he approached he saw Alya and Marinette camping out by the entrance.

Once they were in hearing distance Adrien said, “Good news is he allowed me to spend lunch outside the house! I figured we could all spend it at the park.”

Marinette squealed excitedly as she ran to hug him, nearly squishing the pastry box she held in the process.

“What she means by that is happy birthday.” Alya laughed while she waited her turn to hug him.

“Happy birthday Adrien!” Marinette said with a slight blush as she handed him the box.

Inside was what looked to be 5 handmade passion fruit macarons, same as she had given him for the last 2 years. It still managed to warm his heart.

“Thanks guys.” He said hugging Alya and mouthing a thank you to Marinette. “If you have anything for me wait until lunch so it can almost be a real party?”

Everyone nodded in response. “Just us?” Nino asked.

“Preferably.” Adrien said sheepishly.

They all walked together to the lockers, chatting comfortably. Marinette seems a little anxious, for what reason Adrien couldn’t say.

He opened his locker and a small black box tumbled out. He caught it and looked at Nino questioningly.

“Wasn’t me.” He said shrugging. “Looks like a note fell out though.” He picked it up from the floor and handed it to Adrien.

“Happy birthday! Thank you for being a ray of sunshine for everyone.” Adrien read aloud smiling fondly. “It’s not signed?”

“Someone as a secret admirer.” Nino teased. “Now hurry up and open it I’m intrigued!”

“Okay okay.” Adrien said, his smile growing as he saw the contents. Inside was a sweater decorated with a Parasyte theme.

“I didn’t know you liked anime.” Nino said curiously.

“Eh never came up.” Adrien replied. He pulled the jacket over his head and looked down at it. Looking at it now he made a discovery. The jacket looked custom, and he only knew one person capable of such a feat.

“Nino I think Marinette made this!” Adrien exclaimed in a hushed tone. “Why wouldn’t she sign?”

“Maybe she wanted it to be anonymous?” Nino closed his locker and started heading to class.

“Should I tell her I know?” Adrien asked, following close behind.

“Nah she clearly wanted it to be secret, just keep it that way.”

—————-

Marinette was still giddy from that morning. The way Adriens eyes lit up when she handed him the pastry box was only matched by the smile that spread across his face when he pulled the present from his locker.

She decided to give the ladybug mug to him in person, figuring giving him an anime present may give away the identity of his secret admirer.

As she sat behind him in class she couldn’t help but sigh at how nicely the sweater fit him. She could definitely get used to seeing him in her designs.

Suddenly she felt a strong elbow in her side.

“Marinette!” Alya whispered aggressively. “Mademoiselle Bustier has called your name twice already!”

“Here!” Marinette blurted out immediately.

“Yes I’m aware you’re here Marinette. I asked if you could read the next section.”

She heard a small chuckle from Adrien and sheepishly decided to focus on how the jacket fit him another time.

—————————

Marinette had ran into a slight problem after lunch. She had already given Adrien his mug (he squealed in delight when he received it), left the beanie in his locker after lunch (he immediately shoved it on and hadn’t taken it off yet) and planned to hide the socks in his fencing bag after school, but she still had yet to give him the phs.

She ran over his schedule about a thousand times throughout the day and could think of no other opportunity that wouldn’t give away her identity as his secret admirer.

“Isn’t there any way you could leave it at his house?” Alya suggested.

“No his dad’s assistant might say something. I just don’t wanna risk it!” Marinette whined.

Then an idea struck.

“Actually Alya I just remembered something in his schedule that leaves a perfect time.” She fibbed.

——————

Adrien was on cloud nine. All of Marinette’s gifts were perfect. You could tell she put thought into them. She even left little notes with each one.

The beanie came with a note that said ‘Thank you for being the such an amazing friend’ and the socks he received during fencing came with a note that read ‘your smile brightens up my world.’ What a nice thing to say to a friend.

As he went up to his room after an extremely exciting day he opened his door to see a flash of red leave through his open window. He could recognize the sound of that string anywhere.

Ladybug had just been in his room!

He looked around to see if anything was different. On his bed he saw a perfectly wrapped gift. It was wrapped in lavender paper with a pink ribbon.

On top was a note. ‘My heart is forever yours’

Adrien’s heart stopped.

That’s Marinette’s handwriting. Marinette’s decorative paper. Marinette’s methodically wrapped gift.

Still in shock he opened it and it confirmed his suspicions. Inside were Death Note pjs.

Marinette had been anonymously giving him anime gifts all day.

Marinette was Ladybug. Ladybug was his secret admirer.

————————————

As they were leaping across building that evening Chat could tell Ladybug was in a good mood.

“Thanks for the gifts today, Marinette.” The blonde hero mentioned casually.

Ladybug effectively face planted into the ground.

Notes

A little late to the party but here nonetheless.

Also I didnt reread this before posting so if you see any mistakes,,, no you didnt :)

@adrinetteapril

[shreddedleopard]

Twelve-million more reasons Historia and Levi are part of the Endgame. With Pictures.

You can read the first post I made on this here:

10 reasons it would make narrative sense for Levi and Historia’s character arcs to end together.

(This is the mega-evolved version.)

Okay, I’m going to put this out there now, and before you judge me, please just read the posts. You don’t have to agree. This is just an idea. But it makes a stupid amount of sense, at least to me. So here's your fair warning (and now I'm being bold): If you don’t want to potentially be spoiled, Do Not Read On.

Here’s the Theory:

Historia Reiss will give birth to a half-Ackerman child, and together with Levi, from the ashes and ruins of the world Eren destroyed, they will welcome the dawn of a new age for humanity, where Ymir’s curse and the power of the Titans is extinct.

I know. I sound like some crazy, Rivahisu nut. Granted, I am, but I’m not mad enough to make a claim like this without a shit-ton of evidence, because it’s such a damn twist it feels like it can’t be true. But just humour me.

Here’s the theory, then we’ll look at why it makes sense and how it might have been foreshadowed. Please note: I have less clue how this will tie in to Eremika endgame, so I haven’t mentioned this as much, but obviously that will be the other very important side of this coin.

10 months ago (In Japan, full term pregnancy is counted as 10 months), at the banquet celebrating completion of the new railroad, Levi and Historia, having had 3 and a bit years to bond over their shared experiences and become close, may have gotten carried away together and shared one night of being a bit more than friends. She’s well into her 18th year at this point, just to clear that up. This resulted in Historia getting pregnant. Okay just stay with me; I know. I know. I sound crazy. But hear me out. So this pregnancy, contrary to the belief of the MPs and rest of the damn world, was the complete opposite of planned. Historia tells Levi, and Levi immediately panics. Because, to steal Kenny’s famous line, Levi thinks to himself ‘I can’t be some kid’s dad.’

 Levi does what he always does best, and shuts down into business mode, telling Historia she will need to cover it up somehow. Historia does as he asks, probably reluctantly, because she really has developed very deep feelings for him during the timeskip, and finds some farm hand to take the blame, likely saying she made a silly mistake with some random and the father doesn’t want anything to do with the child, and so she needs a father for the child not to be illegitimate. Which is her worst nightmare, because of course, that’s what she was. Levi watches the exchange hidden in that famous hood, feeling very conflicted, because although he cares about her, he thinks it best if no one knows that it was him that got the Queen pregnant, and of course, he’s duty bound, with a vow to fulfil, so he has no time to be worrying about a family. (Silly Levi!) 

How ironic this conversation would be if this theory were true. Remember, Historia was completely willing to eat Zeke if needed. Instead, she got pregnant, unplanned, nothing to do with any plot or selfish wishes, just the result of a spontaneous act of love by two people who’ve grown to care for one another a lot. ANYWAY.

Because we know Levi actually has a good heart, he feels immensely guilty for all of this; he's just a product of his upbringing and thinks he doesn’t know the first thing about families, so it's better for all involved if he not be. See where this is going? The old cursed history repeating? Making the same mistakes as our parents? Plus, Levi is bound by his duty. He is incredibly important to the military still, and he cannot just abandon this for any of his own selfish wishes. He’s supposed to be the one to vanquish the beast titan. 

Cue ten months of Historia looking hella depressed and hopeless, and Levi being even more of an asshole than usual to everyone, and not really wanting to say too much at all, as well as making some terrible workplace decisions (lol) poor boy be distracted.

Look at his face 😭

Yes Levi. A month. Which means Historia is now due and you’re still stuck with beardy, without a solution and pretty soon no reason for the MPs not to turn the mother of your child into a Titan.

That’s what that face is. I thought he looked a bit weird first time I read these panels 🤔 He didn’t know about the wine. We see that later. Anyway, I keep getting distracted, stop. I’ll come back to this.

But fear not; Levi will have a choice to make. 

So this is where it gets a bit more iffy for me, because I'm not sure how it would work, so this could be a way off, BUT. I believe it will come to light that the combination of Royal and Ackerman genes will somehow cancel out a person’s ability to turn into a titan and connection through paths, thus making them truly ‘free.’

The founding titan has the ability to change Eldian physiology, according to what Zeke learned from professor Xavier. 

EDIT: Okay so here’s where I’ve had to tweak this a bit in light of there latest chapter. So we just had Zeke in PATHS. With none other than our second resident genius, and as proclaimed by Eren, the saviour of humanity: Armin. What do our boys have a conversation about? Reproduction and the importance of the small moments in life - it’s these little moments which matter, regardless of the desire or need to recreate. Interesting how both the leaf and baseball link back to what their ideas of ‘family’ became. If Historia and Levi were to be in the same scenario in PATHS, what would their items be? What truly means family to them both? 

Perhaps Armin and Zeke realise what is needed to lift the curse of the titans - maybe a blueprint for genes which can cancel out the connection to PATHS and the founder? If only they had a child with a new type of Royal-Ackerman DNA which might fit the bill ... 

Here’s Levi’s moment. He, with Historia, has created such a child - completely by accident, because of one of those ‘moments’ that both Armin and Zeke mention - moments that are simply just about enjoying what you have with no sense of how it might relate to anything bigger - a real rarity for both of them, considering their roles and constantly being asked to think about the good of humanity as a whole. What a beautiful irony, that in the moment they chose to be selfish and, to use freckled Ymir’s own words, really live for themselves, they set a chain reaction in motion that would ultimately save humanity. 

Where does this leave Eren and Mikasa? Good question. I believe Eren will die once the curse is removed, because tragically he is the character that has been forced to choose humanity over his own personal relationships. As Isayama has said before, Eren is a victim of the story. Mikasa will be the last thing he sees, hence the original dream at the start of the manga, where he wakes up crying. Something like this. But probably a lot better. Yeah.

Out of the ashes of the old world, a new one will be built, but through Historia’s kindness and love, and Levi’s guilt and understanding of what was sacrificed in the past, society will not repeat the same mistakes. The final panel could be Jean holding his child, perhaps with Mikasa, if she ever manages to get over losing Eren. That would be vague enough so that Isayama was able to show it to us already without spoiling much. Or maybe Jean’s dead and it’s not him at all. I don’t know. 😭

Right. Okay. So now you’re going, sweet story, but uh, there’s no way Levi could be the father. He’s so much older. Isayama wouldn't write a moment of romance like that. Not with him and Historia. YOU’RE JUST CRAZY.

Well this is where it get’s interesting. LET ME SHOW YOU. It’s foreshadowed literally everywhere. Right under our noses.

There is so much symbolism.

Dedicate your heart to what? has been Levi’s question recently. What are they all fighting for? What is he fighting for? How will he give meaning to his dead comrades sacrifices? Is killing Zeke really the extent of it? Is vengeance the true meaning of their sacrifices? Or is it something a lot more hopeful?

The answer is shown to us in the opening credits. And the ending credits. Several times. 

Levi says so himself - he keeps messing fulfilling the vow up - why? Why is he so worried about killing Zeke? 

Eren has the same questions to consider. Which PATH is the right one to take - revenge and violence with the rumbling, or love ... with Mikasa. We are literally shown what their choices will be in two virtually identically designed panels, which I’ll show you. Tragically, Eren’s choice is taken from him. He is a victim to the story - he must chose the path that saves humanity. Levi and Eren have been bound together through the theme of choices, and taking the ones which leave you with the least regrets, throughout this entire manga.

The upcoming anime episodes literally plot out the timeline of Levi and Historia’s changing attitude to one another, and then Historia’s pregnancy, it’s just so cleverly subtle. Isayama even tells us when/ during what event her child was probably conceived by just dropping dates in from other, seemingly unrelated plot lines.

Zeke gives pointed comments to Levi constantly - every other line of his is either a different jab at Levi about Historia’s pregnancy, a veiled question, or a reminder that he’s under the pressure of a 10 month time limit to do something about him, or Historia will have to eat him once she’s given birth. We start to see Levi unravel because of this, and make mistakes over and over.

It’s in official art. It’s in the soundtrack. Its in music videos. There’s interviews from Isayama that, when read in light of these ideas, suddenly take on a whole new meaning.

Isayama even trolls us. He’s laughing in our faces, the madman. Like, gotchu 🤣 suckers. While we’re all on Reddit and Twitter like, ‘Levi’s character has become so stagnated! He’s making such poor choices or not giving anything to the plot at all. All that’s left for him now is to give up and die! Be at peace, your story is over.’ OOF. Or, ‘Historia has just been forgotten! She’s become such a pointless character. Isayama just got bored with her and sidelined her.’

I’m going to try and write stuff up in the rough categories below, but these might change. I’ll link them when I’m done, and then pin this post. I’m a bit of a rambler so heads up - this may take a while 😅

There’s also a ton of people I have to mention who have contributed to this - I didn’t spot it by myself. I’ll tag them in the finished post too.

Historia and Levi’s Miscalculation: A manga tale featuring the Jaeger Bros., Pt. 1

Historia and Levi’s Miscalculation: A manga tale featuring the Jaeger Bros., Pt. 2

Historia and Levi’s Miscalculation: A manga tale featuring the Jaeger Bros., Pt. 3

Ackerman-Royal Bloodline and Levi’s Choice Pt. 1

Levi’s Choice Pt. 2

Suns, Moons and Songs

Akatsuki No Requiem - Right theory, Wrong guy

The Farmer and The Cattle Farming Goddess, or WHAT’S IN A NAME.

Mistakes of our parents and breaking the cycle

Memories from the future & Levi’s Guilt

Watch this space. And hold on to your pants. If I’m right, I’m getting very drunk.

[recurring-polynya]

Tokusatsu Au where Rukia plays the lead actress in a superhero action show. Renji plays one of the villains and they are The most popular ship in the fandom. Bonus points if Orihime plays the main villain and loves every second of it.

This was the very first prompt I got, and I fell in love. Unfortunately, aside from a brief period of being grotesquely fascinated with Power Rangers as teen, I know almost nothing about tokusatsu. I did as much research as I could and I attempted to watch an episode of Kamen Rider, but my eyes glazed over halfway through. Anyway, please forgive my inaccuracies, I wrote this with my heart.

ao3 | ff.net

🏍    ⚡   🎬

“Uh, looks like we’re almost out of time,” the panel moderator for “High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe!: A Sneak Peak at Season 5” declared, “but would you be willing to take just a few audience questions?”

Head Screenwriter Kurosaki Ichigo glanced at Leading Actress Kuchiki Rukia out of the corner of his eye, and she gave a tiny nod.

“Yeah, sure!” he replied.

There was already a young woman waiting at the microphone, practically vibrating with anxiety. She was wearing a t-shirt that had ZabiTo4Ever!! handwritten in marker on it. Rukia knew, deep down in her bones, what the question was going to be.

“Hi, yes, hello, big fan of your work! My question is: are Tomoe and Zabimaru going to kiss this season?”

“No,” Rukia started to say.

“As you probably know,” Ichigo said loudly on top of her, “the show holds close to the core plot points of Kuna-sensei’s manga, although, because of her minimalist style, we do expand a lot of the dialogue and filler scenes. She has said in several interviews that High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe! is not a romance manga, so the odds of Tomoe and Zabimaru ever kissing on screen are very, very low.”

The young woman stared at Ichigo grumpily. “Does this also count Zabimaru’s secret college student identity, Satonako Takeru?”

Ichigo stared back at her. “Yes. It does.”

The next question came from a person wearing a full suit of HellKnight’s plasma armor made out of overlapping plates of cardboard. Rukia was kind of impressed by it. She wondered if he could sit down.

“Hi, Kurosaki-sensei, I am a huge fan of your work,” a voice emanated from deep within the cardboard. “I was wondering if you are influenced at all by fanworks, and if Episode 73: Pride is on the Line!: The Bake Sale Must Go On! was based in any way on the classic fanfiction, ‘Tell Me All Your Best Lies’? It’s the top story by kudos in the ZabiTo tag, which I might point out is the most popular shipping category on AO3.”

Ichigo cleared his throat gently. “I am contractually not allowed to read fanfiction, although I do enjoy fanart! There are some incredibly talented artists in the fandom, although for some reason, no one ever wants to draw pictures of Lead Screenwriters.”

“I’ll draw you, sleeping on the set like you always do,” Rukia offered, and that got a pretty big laugh. Rukia’s Tumblr of behind-the-scenes doodle comics was beloved among the fandom.

The next question was from a nonbinary person wearing a big poufy skirt and a hairstyle that would make their make-up and hair guru, Yumichika, sit up and take notice. “Hi, this is a question for Kuchiki-san! If the show is going to roughly keep pace with the manga, as it has done up until now, you should be shooting the storyline where Tomoe and Queen Bloodbuzz switch bodies later this year. I was wondering if you could comment on how you feel about filming that storyline?”

Finally! A good one! “Yes!” Rukia nodded eagerly. “I don’t usually like to speak for my fellow cast members, but Orihime and I are beyond excited about playing each other. We’ve been studying each other’s mannerisms and practicing already! Does anyone want to hear my Queen Bloodbuzz cackle?” She wagged her eyebrows as the audience cheered. “Here goes-- bwaHaHaHaHAHAHAHAAHAAAHAAAAAAAA!”

“Bonechilling,” Ichigo commented dryly as the audience erupted.

“Amazing, Kuchiki-san!” the moderator exclaimed. “I think there is time for one more, but this will be the last question!”

A tall girl in a full set of High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe motorcycle leathers stepped to the microphone. She was holding a notebook. “Hello!” she warbled. “In a 2020 interview with the Psychics and Sidekicks podcast, Abarai Renji was asked about his opinion on ZabiTo as a ship, and he replied,” she consulted her notebook, “‘Tomoe is such a cool lady and talented Battle Clairvoyant, and she always follows her heart and stays true to herself. I think that Zabimaru can’t help but be impressed with her, even though they’re enemies, and I always try to roll that into our on-screen interactions.’ I know that in the past you’ve refused to comment on the ship, but I was wondering if you had any thoughts on, y’know, his thoughts?”

“Well, he’s correct, of course, Tomoe is very cool and admirable,” Rukia replied, which drew a few laughs, although it seemed like the audience was leaning forward in anticipation of her answer. “Like I said, I don’t like to speak for other cast members. I’ll be doing a big cast panel with Abarai and Inoue and Matsumoto and Ukitake tomorrow afternoon, and I hope you all can make it! See you then!”

The moderator thanked them enthusiastically, and then Ichigo and Rukia slipped out the back guest entrance.

“Evasive as always, Kuchiki,” Ichigo teased.

“Whatever,” Rukia sniffed. “The higher ups say we’re not supposed to comment on stuff like that, and I was not commenting. By the way, how many secret fanfic accounts are you up to? Four?”

“It’s only three!” Ichigo paused. “I wrote that fanfic the guy brought up.”

“Of course you did,” Rukia sighed. “I do blame you personally for the popularity of the damn ship.”

“Me? Blame Kuna for making up two such sexy, emotionally constipated dumbasses!” Ichigo defended.

“Also, it’s not Ichigo’s fault that you and Abarai have insane chemistry.”

Rukia spun around, grinning. “Orihime!”

Rukia’s two co-stars, Inoue Orihime and Abarai Renji, the portrayers of Tomoe’s demonic archnemeses, stood in the hallway behind them.

“We sat in on your panel!” Orihime beamed. “You two were brilliant!”

“Don’t worry,” Renji added. “We were incognito.”

“Incognito” was relative, Rukia supposed, when you were at Tokyo’s biggest tokusatsu

convention.

Orihime was wearing a Zabimaru outfit so detailed that she probably could have won a prize down at the cosplay hall. She had the gravity-defying ponytail, the eyeliner, the insane widow's peak (complete with forehead tatts), the fangs, the motorcycle boots. The paper mache snake skull helmet was a little lopsided, but it was charming. She had her top zipped a little higher than canon, but that was forgivable, too.

Renji had taken the opposite tack of looking as much like a normal person-- or at least a normal Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe superfan-- as possible. Relaxed fit jeans and an oversized hoodie de-emphasized his ultra-fit physique. He was wearing a t-shirt with a very dramatic rendering of Orihime that said “Queen Bloodbuzz can step on me!” and a ball cap with the logo of Seireitei University, the fictional college Tomoe and Takeru attended.

“You think you’re in disguise,” Rukia pointed out, “but there are thousands of teen girls in this place with entire Tumblrs dedicated to your stupid face when you’re out of costume.”

Renji cocked an eyebrow at her. “You underestimate me, Rukia. I have bought… new sunglasses.” With a flourish, he whipped out a pair of the dorkiest wayfarers she’d ever seen, and flipped them onto his face. “I’ve disappeared! Who am I? Where am I?”

“You look really great, Orihime,” Ichigo said, his cheeks coloring a little bit. “Did you get Uryuu or Yumichika to help you with that costume?” In his continuing theme of doing things he wasn’t supposed to, Ichigo had finally started dating Orihime on the downlow around the time they finished up filming last season. It had done absolutely nothing for how shy he still got around her. They were, in Rukia’s opinion, cute as hell.

“Oh, no, that would be cheating!” Orihime replied, wagging a finger at him. “Well…maybe I did cheat, just a tiny bit. Renji helped me make the helmet and he held up references for me while I was painting on the tattoos.”

“Only the forehead ones,” Renji quickly added.

“He wouldn’t even offer feedback on my booby tattoos!” Orihime frowned. She leaned forward. “Rukia, how do they look?”

Ichigo turned even redder.

“Perfect, as in all you do!” Rukia replied loftily.

“What’s everyone got coming up next?” Renji asked. “I was thinking of slipping out and trying to pick up some real coffee.”

“I’m judging a villainess-themed cosplay competition,” Orihime chirped. “But I’m dying for a blueberry caramel iced latte. Renji, my henchman, pleeeeease!”

“Of course, my liege,” Renji replied in his Zabimaru voice.

It’s not like it had been a hard decision to accept the role of the motorcycle-riding, badass heroine of one of the most popular manga of the last decade, but it had turned out to be one of the best decisions of Rukia’s life. not just her career. Aside from a few of the money-obsessed executives, she liked nearly everyone in the cast and crew, but the fact that the fact that the ruthless, homicidal, literally Hell-spawned villains of the show were played by the two sweetest marshmallow people she had ever met just took the cake. Renji and Orihime had already known each other from some voicework they had done previously, and their excitement at working together on a live-action project had infected the entire cast from the start. Rukia wasn’t sure, but she strongly suspected that Renji was the one who had hyped Orihime up to ask Ichigo out.

“I have a writers’ workshop I’m moderating this afternoon, and I wanted to review the writing samples people sent in,” Ichigo said, scratching the back of his head. “I’d love to stop by that cosplay contest, though, at least for a few minutes.”

“You’ll be needing caffeine, too, then, eh?” Renji offered. “Hot, black, and in the largest cup they make, as usual?”

“Ugh, you’re the best,” Ichigo groaned. “You wanna power-up this season? Costume update? You know what? Maybe I’ll just have you defeat Tomoe once and for all, no one likes her anyway.”

“C’mon, you know I’m the world’s number one Tomoe simp, don’t do that!” Renji laughed.

Rukia rolled her eyes. “I’m free and I could use some fresh air. Besides, it’s going to take all your dumb muscles just to carry Kurosaki’s vat of coffee back here.”

“Cool!” Renji proclaimed. “We’ll be back soon!”

“Thanks, Renjiiiii!” Orihime waved.

“You need to stop off and put on a disguise?” Renji asked.

“No point in it, I always get recognized,” Rukia sighed, pulling her sunglasses out of her purse anyway.

“Here,” Renji said, plunking his hat on her head. “Maybe this will help.”

“Thanks,” Rukia replied, and then did a double take. “Whaaaaaat is on your head?”

“Shut up!” Renji laughed. He usually shaved his head when they were filming, because it made it easier to deal with the make-up and wigs, but since they were between seasons, he’d grown his hair out into a short, tousled mop of reddish-brown waves. He looked, for the lack of a better word, dreamy. “I shot a movie over the summer, and they wanted me to look softer.”

Rukia looked at him over the top of her sunglasses. “You didn’t tell me you were doing a movie!”

“Oh, it was just a little indy romcom thing. I wasn’t sure it was gonna pan out, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

“You were in a romcom? You’re kidding me!” They ducked out of a side door of the convention center into the bright sunshine.

“Yeah, it’s about a guy who goes to the gym to try to get ripped to impress a girl, and makes friends with me, this nice, already ripped dude who gives him lifting tips and encourages him a bunch. By the end of the movie, it turns out we have crushes on each other.”

“Oh, no, that sounds really cute, actually!”

“It was written by a woman who graduated from one of Ichigo’s writing workshops. The script was really snappy and Ichigo thought having someone like me as the gym guy would give it just a bit of campy cachet. You know what a good sense he’s got for stuff like that.”

“That was cool of you to go out on a limb a little,” Rukia replied.

Renji rubbed the back of his neck. “I’d been wanting to try something like that for a while, actually.”

Rukia blinked. “You aren’t… you aren’t thinking of leaving the show, are you?”

“Huh? No. No! No, the show means the world to me, I would never. But… it’s not gonna run forever, y’know?”

“I would have guessed you’d want to be a big action star or something!” Rukia said, throwing a few air punches. “That’s my dream!”

Renji stuffed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “Yeah, that’s what I thought I wanted when I first got into acting. I’d read the Tomoe manga, and I thought playing Zabimaru would be a good jumping-off point, besides just being a cool character overall.”

“Is that… not true?” Rukia frowned.

“Oh, I mean, I guess so! I didn’t really know about the fandom, though and… to be honest, I’m kinda into the idea that there are all these fans who think I’m complex and redeemable?”

Rukia regarded him out of the corner of her eye. “They just want to fix you.”

“Maybe! Ichigo made me read this one fanfic that was eight thousand words of the reader getting sick and Zabimaru making them soup? And feeding them the soup? I still haven’t decided how I feel about it.”

“How does he have time to find these things? Does he even sleep?”

“Anyway, it doesn’t hurt to be well-rounded and it was fun. I’m still mostly an action guy, but I wouldn’t mind doin’ something with a romantic subplot. A period drama or something like that. I look pretty good in hakama, you know.”

“I bet you do,” Rukia laughed. She squinted at him, but his expression was unreadable behind the shades. Renji didn’t have the classic leading man looks, not like her ridiculously famous older brother, but she could definitely see him as the best friend, the B-plot romance, with his cute, messy hair and that big doofy grin.

“By the way, I’m sorry you had to field that question about me spilling my romantic sensibilities on that podcast.”

Rukia laughed. “You didn’t even answer the question, either! These people are relentless!”

Renji stopped at a street corner and peered down the various possible directions they could go. “Which way feels like it might have a coffee shop?”

“You didn’t have one in mind before we left? I thought you knew where we were going!”

“Nah, I just like to go out and see what there is.”

“I can look up a map,” Rukia said, reaching in her bag for her phone.

“Let’s just go this way,” Renji said, stepping out into the street in the direction that had the WALK light. Rukia sighed and had to scramble to catch up with him.

“So, what do you think about it?”

“Huh?” Rukia asked. “Think about what?”

“Our ship. ZabiTo.”

“I can’t believe you just said that word out loud. And you know we’re not supposed to give our opinion on it!”

“Aw, c’mon, we’re not supposed to give public statements on our opinions. I don’t think there’s any harm in talking between ourselves. We’re in disguise, even.”

“‘Disguise’,” Rukia sniffed.

“You don’t like it, I can tell.”

“He’s a bad guy! Everyone always talks about chemistry, and that may be true, but I just don’t think that Tomoe could ever get over his acts of violence and cruelty.”

“Queen Bloodbuzz is cruel. Zabimaru is not cruel.”

“Okay, that’s fair, but still. He’s kidnapped just about all of Tomoe’s friends and or turned them into monsters at one time or another. He’s always setting Karakura Town on fire or flooding it with magic lizard goo. He ruined the sports festival.”

“Maybe the sports festival deserved to be ruined,” Renji muttered under his breath.

“Okay, you’ve got a point on that one,” Rukia admitted.

“It’s really clear though, that he’s got some agenda beyond just simping for Queen Bloodbuzz--”

“The simping for Queen Bloodbuzz is the most relatable thing about him, to be honest.”

“Granted. But, what if he’s got a good reason for everything he does, actually? What if he’s doing all of this against his own moral code as a means of infiltrating Hell itself and getting himself into a position of trust so that he can bring down the Lords of Hell from the inside?”

Rukia slipped her sunglasses down to the tip of her nose. “Does Kuna give you Zabimaru spoilers?” The reclusive creator High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe! was only barely involved with the television show, but she did privately meet with each of the cast members about once a year. Most of Rukia’s meetings consisted of Kuna giving her constructive criticism on her battle poses.

“No, mostly we practice sneering,” Renji replied. “But I gotta play the guy, so I gotta think about this, you know, what motivates him? I mean, you’re probably right, it would never work out. But unlike Tomoe, whose principles would call for her to ignore any attraction she has to him, Zabimaru has the freedom to pine for her, perhaps because his love is futile and he doesn’t think he deserves it anyway.”

“That’s kinda dark, dude,” Rukia frowned.

“Yes, well, that is the kind of character acting that netted me the 2019 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Best Villain Award, Foreign Language Category.”

“That’s literally what’s going through your head when you’re shouting that if I can’t make some sick motorcycle jump, you’ll turn all my friends into stuffed animal versions of themselves?”

“No, of course not! At those times I’m thinking about how much I love my job. OH! and what is that I see!” Renji struck an extremely Zabimaru pose. “A MISTER DONUT!”

“My hero!” Rukia exclaimed, unable to resist an opportunity to shout dramatically. “I’m sorry I doubted you!”

“I think we should get some donuts, too. Orihime loves donuts,” Renji declared.

“Oh, for sure,” Rukia agreed. She was thoughtful for a moment. It would be easy to move on to a different subject, the subject being donuts, but she wasn’t happy with leaving the last conversation hanging. “Look, Renji, just because I don’t like the dumb ship, you know that’s not a reflection on you, right?”

“Huh?” Renji replied. “You mean you don’t mind if I like it?”

“Well… I mean, I don’t, I guess, but what I really meant was, er… we joke a lot, but Tomoe and Zabimaru are just parts, y’know? Just because I don’t think Zabimaru isn’t good boyfriend material doesn’t mean I…” Rukia trailed off, suddenly realizing what she was saying. “Um. What I mean is. You’re very nice and probably one of my favorite people I’ve ever worked with and if someone I knew wanted to ask you out, I would definitely encourage them to, A+ guy, I’d say, probably would make a great boyfriend.”

Renji pushed his sunglasses up onto his forehead and regarded her for a long moment. “For the record, Kuchiki, I think that both you and Tomoe would make excellent girlfriend material.” While Rukia stood there and gaped like a fish, he turned and pushed open the door to the coffee shop. “Ichigo likes crullers and Orihime always wants the most colorful thing they’ve got. Do you know what you want?”

“I need to think about it,” Rukia squeaked. She wasn’t talking about donuts.

🏍    ⚡   🎬 

Bonus: Here are my notes from when I was making up the show. I hope this wasn’t too confusing!

High-Spirited Battle Clairvoyant Tomoe!

based on a manga by reclusive mangaka Kuna Mashiro

Head Screenwriter: Kurosaki Ichigo

🌟 Starring: 🌟

Kuchiki Rukia as Yukimura Tomoe, a spunky college student who can see ghosts and fights demons from Hell! She rides a motorcycle!

Inoue Orihime as Queen Bloodbuzz, a Lady of Hell, who seeks to gather energy from the Living Realm so that she can become the Supreme Ruler of Hell. Very aesthetic. Much bees.

Abarai Renji as Zabimaru, Queen Bloodbuzz’s ruthless henchman. He leads a double life as fierce-looking, but gentle-hearted college student Satonaka Takeru! What is his long game??