#I would not hesitate to grant them my patience and love and grace and kindness

[matchinacrocus]

Accept the grace and kindness for yourself that you are so happy to grant to others.

[gohjuo]

THE UNCERTAINTY OF WHAT IFS, it's an adrenaline shot to an injured person fighting through pain, it's a shot of espresso to a person trying to make it through the day, & it's the hypotheticals that get satoru high off suguru. satoru knows he would love suguru in any reality, however they end up, he knows his heart truly belongs to geto suguru. he craves the heat of their bodies together, the desire to hear suguru moan his name, offer himself to someone like him, & worship everything satoru grants him. all satoru really needs is the religion of suguru in his bed every night, needing him to every capacity. he presses his hips against the other, a smirk surfacing through hushed lips. ❛ do you feel that ?❜

maybe he's still going through his five stages of grief, with less anger more in between the phase of denying what must be done & rejecting the gospel that he's in love with suguru. it's found in the way he still texts him, the way he reaches for him when they are in bed together, or the way the secrecy of their meetings are two school pals ditching class. the other phase he's stuck in is bargaining, wishing he could have prevented the inevitable so they wouldn't have to end up in stealthy trysts that end up with him clinging onto wanting more. satoru always thinks their life could have turned out differently, if things didn't play out the way they did.

presently, satoru's focused on purple hues transfixed on him, attentive through every searing touch he administers to him. his hand cups suguru's face leaning in, the precipice of a fall about to happen as he presses his lips once again. satoru just wants everyone to know who he is, marked in the way that was only for suguru's. another bite against his bottom lip so that he feels that mixture of pleasure & pain, another instance where he breaks away. ❛i need you, suguru. better? should i show you instead? i want you to think of me when i'm not here.❜ he's insistent on making sure the raven haired man knows that's unforgettable. the next kiss takes his breath away like so many other kisses they've shared, but they are nothing but two lovers allowing each other to get lost in the throes of passion, in the knowledge of each other bodies.

his mouth finds itself attached to suguru's next, fingers gently gripping the base of his neck as he threatens to blemish him in shades of red. he nips once again before sucking pallor skin until suguru is nothing but a whimper, a mess of nerves, & filled with the confirmation that satoru is in love with him. the years have always been kind to him, aging with the grace of wine, & filling out his frame in ways that could garner a second glance. except he saves it for sexual encounters, or truly encounters with suguru. ❛ what about you? everything. ❜ it sounds like a cop out, but his brain autoplays everything about his one & only. ❛ when are you finally going to moan my name, suguru? ❜

it shakes satoru's core to see the way suguru reacts, the way wisteria orbs harbor the sorrow beneath. he pretends that he doesn't see the tears that threaten his eyes, wishing he could show him that he's worthy of his love, worthy to take all of satoru himself. his body shudders with pleasure, the way they are connected, a string of fate leading them to this very moment. they are actors, playing out the scenarios that they've missed out on, & in the end satoru knows it will end like all good things, like his blue spring. ❛ i do, i'm yours. ❜ he's says it with the confidence of a seasoned speaker, no hesitation, but the sincerity of his feelings.

fingers find themselves disrobing the last of suguru's pesky garb. sometimes he doesn't have patience like now, he's a wind up toy waiting to be let loose. satoru draws away from suguru's embrace before pressing small kisses along his chest, going further south. lithe digits grip onto suguru's thighs, pulling him closer before a devilish smirk appears on his angelic features. suguru's body is the pew that he would settle himself on, devoting every moment to drawing out a blissful experience. he parts the other's legs gently enough to be comfortable as he seasons another set of soft kisses, there is a mixture of small nibbles as tries to elicit a reaction from the other. he grasps suguru's free cock as his tongue flattens alongside his head, pre-cum already leaking from all the titillating touches. bioluminescent oculars peer up as he respond, ❛ — this,❜ before his mouth proceeds to engulf every part of him.

it sits in the back of his mind ― a reminder of this weakness ... though suguru would call it everything else before he outlines it as anything wrong. they weren't wrong. their timing , however ... it blinds him in the best way ; a series of distractions. pandora's box of every single fantasy that finds its way crossing deeper thoughts , becoming reality. the sound of pleasure , that slips into the hollow of satoru's mouth is one that surprises him ― the coil twists in his gut and he can feel the full flush that stings at his face. like their last moment , every single time. every grasp and touch , pulling him closer , closer. so needy , the way he rolled his hips against the other , stifling the sighs that escaped between kisses. this will be his undoing. satoru could make him fall apart ... he wouldn't care about anything else.

the way their kiss comes to a pause is the right kind that keeps him going. there's uncertainty that presents itself as a thought, only for a moment, how he notices conversation that seems to slip into their shared space. he would think about every other time that didn't involve this , and it makes him wonder how many steps it would take for them to fall at a distance if he questioned him. suguru is looking at him through a half-lidded gaze , dizzy from the affection , equally starved. attention was focal to the weight in satoru's words. desire stirred him up inside and it only grew , the more satoru had told him he needed him. wanted him. after all this time. god. the pressure of teeth against his lip renders nothing but a gasp. the indication that will betray him as he gazes so softly into shades of blue , how for a moment ― his hand is so gentle against the middle of his chest , feeling the quickened heart of the one he loves. they knew the cost. he has to mentally step back a few times, his throat knotting up. suguru presses a near bruising kiss , to avoid the words that were desperate to be revealed. ❛ say it ― again ... ❜ i love you.

it hurt too much to think about what they could be. what they are. it needed to be disposed of ... that wishful thinking. truthfully , nothing could stop suguru from understanding what was going on here. his kisses were so full of love. languid touch , telling each other everything in a language of grasping skin ; breathing into one another as if they were connected by a life line. it was intimate , not like when they first started seeing each other. suguru doesn't want to leave. not when he's so comfortably beneath satoru , his hands searching him like he was desperately memorizing a map. the ache bloomed in his throat , eyes turning a shade darker , consumed by the sight of him. the years have changed between them , satoru's wide shoulders , prominent physique , the way he towers over him. he settles into the pillow, fingers are lightly playing at the hem of his pants. ❛ what about me , satoru? hm? ❜ a whisper laced with sensuality , half of his robes scattered.

it shakes him up , when satoru moves in closer. his chest tightens , he can feel his heart fluttering. it felt so real , the reassurance and intimacy in letting him know. something he would never expect to hear from the other ; it didn't feel deserved. tears threatened ... stung at his eyes as he's chasing satoru's kiss , rotating every gasp and sigh he could manage. suguru felt the instant reaction , hip pressed against hip , trying his best to swallow the sound that tortured him. ❛ is that what you want? proof that i was ... ❜ he pauses to point softly beneath his jaw, ❛ here , and - ❜ it's slow , the way suguru trails his finger down his chest , before pressing a chaste kiss against the spot. his body was an alarm clock about to go off , the anticipation winding him up , twisting him into a burning ache. they can't turn back.

suguru is cursed by love. when they're apart , the desire to be near cracks him open , never truly able to fill the void within his chest. one more time. it was back and forth , lying to one another as if either of them could stay away. suguru has taken it out on his own group of brainless cult members. rightfully so , he never blinked once , killing , spilling blood of a few that tried to go after satoru , as if they could. he might realize then , how much meaning there was in that. the familiar touch was cool against his skin , sending a continuous shiver that brushed over him. the way he looks at him , makes him feel entirely exposed. can he see it? the softness in his gaze? i love you ― caged up in his throat. satoru will unravel him , and it'll be too late. suguru will slip up. he will die with all of this love crammed in his chest.

everything and nothing is revealed all at once , how he's studying all the facets of an icy gaze. suddenly he's finding himself surprised , an amused grin crossing his features the moment he hears him speak. hands move to satoru's hips , grasping a gentle squeeze. their noses are brushing , but he hasn't kissed him ― just enough , for a reaction. he was high on how satoru told him he wanted him. ❛ what are you going to do about it? ❜

[starswornoaths]

Prompt 25: Wish

I squeaked by submitting the word doc on this one bc I was so weirdly. invested. akdlhsflkdg

I wrote, briefly, about one of Aymeric’s exes, so it felt only right to introduce one of Serella’s! How fun!

word count: 2,120

It was a rare thing, Serella wishing on a shooting star. As a child, she did it every time she saw one, and had always had the sort of wishes that come with youthful naivete. Having been forged into a tool for the betterment of the realm, and having long grown out of those childishly selfish sort of wishes, she knew them better as a channeling mechanism, as a broad expanse of energy she could tap into. She knew them better as a chart to map out her course, as a balm to heal the hurts of those around her.

Even now, stood not far from a banquet table with a flagon of mead in hand, eyes watching the way Hyana, Estinien, and Aymeric all spoke in animated whispers and all dressed in finery befitting this Gridanian gala, Serella was reluctant to make wishes, to hope for something for herself. Admittedly, she had taken the excuse of wanting more mead to just observe the three of them from afar. Aymeric, dressed down but still elegant, all fine leather and soft cloth in that shade of blue she could only associate with him, eyes crinkled in a smile in that way that only happened when it was genuine, and only really happened in their company. Even Estinien had managed to dress up a bit, though she suspects that had a lot to do with Hyana wrangling him into it— and ah, Hyana. She was resplendent, wrapped in a gown that looked to be made of the forest itself, she moved with the grace and power of water itself, and Serella watched, transfixed.

The three of them made a stunning constellation upon wish she could chart her course, a guide home when she was lost. A pity, then, that Hyana and Estinien yet hesitated in joining. Someday, I’ll be useful enough to justify it to them, she thought to herself— and ah, there was a wish, she supposed. She had memorized every constellation, every gate for an Astrologian to open, and still, she could think of no better stars to wish on than the three of them, and chose to make it enough that she wished for them to be happy.

So enchanted and thoroughly distracted, she hadn’t realized she was being watched until she felt a nauseatingly familiar aether close in on her. It was a heavy feeling, like standing in a room that had only moments before been on fire, smoke filling her lungs and weighing her down, oppressive and heated. On reflex, Serella’s hackles raised in anticipation for the source of that uneasy feeling. 

“Ella Bella!” Called the wraith from her past.

Serella didn’t turn her head to look at the woman who had called her in such a tittering, birdsong voice. Her hands curled tighter around her flagon.

“Lady Eveanne.” She replied evenly, eyes fixed on her constellation. 

“You remember me!” The Gridanian noblewoman gasped in exaggerated relief. “Oh, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you, my how things have changed!”

“And yet stayed the same.”

For a start, that larksong voice of hers had grated against some of her more benign nightmares, scraping and simpering as it was, talking about Serella and at Serella without speaking with her. Always, always about, “My little doll might be a little broken, but she’s still made of sturdy porcelain, isn’t she?” 

Little wonder Serella had foregone relationships for so long after she lad left Gridania.

“Why won’t you look at me, little doll?” She crooned.

You’re the Warrior of Light. You have expectations and titles and a job in the military and you have to be better than breaking her fucking jaw in.

“I’m too busy watching my partner.” Serella admitted, and really, it was true; Aymeric alone was more pleasant to look at, never mind the fact that there were two other people just as stunning as he was.

With her newly formed habit of making a wish upon a star, she begged him to notice her gaze as she took a long pull of her mead. Its sweetness settled on her tongue just as his eyes met hers, bright stars all their own, brilliant blue giving her a warm smile that turned inquiring, gaze drifting.

She hadn’t realized where he was looking until she felt Eveanne’s hand on her arm. She nearly jumped from the contact, and swiftly moved her arm to fold behind her back, out of reach.

“You found a partner?” The noblewoman spoke up in that higher pitch she often took when she was feigning interest in conversation. “Ohh, where…?”

Serella hadn’t realized she would use the opportunity to lean into her personal space, pretending to peer out into the crowd. It was, perhaps, unbecoming to stumble backwards, away from her, but the scent of her perfume— rose hips and lavender— rankled her.

Looking at her was worse.

We’re the same height now. Serella realized, and something about that angered her. Eveanne hadn’t aged a day in the near decade it had been since they had last seen one another, her chestnut hair held back in artful pleats folded over in a delicate hairpin bejeweled to resemble a peacock. The motif continued in her dress, all rich silks of blue, green, and tinges of gold. She looked, as ever, too opulent for her setting. She was the sort of woman who would show up to a funeral in a cherry red ballgown and insist her black sash was appropriate.

“Ahh, now she looks at me!” Eveanne beamed, clapping her hands together in front of her face once. “And how strange, my little doll is not so little anymore.”

Hands still pressed together, she tilted them to press against her own cheek, scrutinizing Serella. Uninterested in her, Serella turned back toward where Aymeric was now speaking in hushed whispers with Estinien, as if he were hurriedly trying to end the conversation— or perhaps talk Estinien out of something reckless. Or both.

Hyana was conspicuously absent. Serella couldn’t find her in the crowd.

“Was it the little bird in the green dress?” Eveanne asked. “Is it her?”

Serella didn’t answer. She didn’t know how to properly respond, and Eveanne wasn’t worthy of the knowledge anyroad.

“You’re not being properly cared for.” Eveanne continued, and the way the words stretched under her sneer made the way she pursed her lips audible enough that Serella knew exactly what expression she was making without looking. “Dresses don’t suit you anymore. You’re so boxy now.”

She would think that, the petite slip of a woman. Serella recalled a harvest festival attended on her arm, hearing her go on about how no one there dressed to suit their frame— or can’t afford to! She had laughed at her own joke, joined in by the cronies that had wanted some of her influence. Even then, Serella hadn’t understood the joke, beyond just being said to be cruel.

In hindsight, it should have been an informative, illuminating experience on Lady Eveanne Deautimoix overall.

“Such is the way of adventurers and Paladins alike.” Serella shrugged, and frowned deeply when she realized her flagon was empty. She set it aside on the table with a grimace, hating that there was nothing to occupy her hands now. Folding them tightly over her humble olive skirts, her creme sleeves and bust seemed stark, but she had thought her dress lovely. ���And any piece of clothing will suit the wearer if it is properly tailored.”

“Ohh, did you learn that on your adventurers?”

“I learned many things. Not the least of which was how to be happy.” Serella hoped and prayed and wished with everything that she was that that would be enough for her to just leave.

“Were you truly so unhappy with me?” 

“I didn’t even know what happiness was with you.” Serella sneered, at the end of her patience. “I had to turn into a Warrior of Light before I even remembered the concept.”

“Oh, Ella Bella mine,” Eveanne crooned. Then, quick as lightning, darting out like a snake with its fangs bared, her hand caught Serella’s chin and turned her head to face her. “A Warrior of Light. Finally, my broken little doll found her use—”

“Let. Go.” Serella warned, voice a low snarl, her disgust evident. “Or I will break your arm.”

Eveanne opened her mouth to retort, likely with an, oh, you wouldn’t hurt me, which would be setting herself up for disappointment, really, but then before either of them could really react, Eveanne’s cold fingers left her face. Forcibly. 

Serella blinked owlishly, not entirely certain when Hyana had come over or how much of the conversation she had heard, but it was apparently enough to move her to wrenching Eveanne’s arm away, bending it in such a way that it seemed on the edge of snapping.

“What kind of arrogant little prick do you have to be,” Hyana snarled low, eyes burning with rage. “To try something like that with a Warrior of Light?”

Eveanne had never known the threat of danger. In all the time Serella had known her, her privilege had always been enough of a shield to keep most everyone at arm’s length from her. 

Hyana, for a thousand blessings, was not most people.

“Oh, are you her new handler?” Eveanne hissed, unaware that Hyana would, in fact, break her arm.

“Hyana, let her go. It’s alright.” Serella reassured with a tip of her chin.

Hyana didn’t seem keen to let go— for a blessing, Aymeric managed to beat Estinien through the crowd to join them, though the moment his eyes settled on Hyana grasping the woman’s forearm, he stilled.

“Eveanne, if you value the use of your arm, shut the fuck up.” Serella hissed, at least grateful she’d had a wish from some decade past granted in that regard. “No one is my handler— and just because you saw me as your charity pet doesn’t make you one, either.”

She turned kinder eyes to Hyana, still straining with the effort to not break her arm. “Let her go. I promise, it’s alright.”

Hyana still didn’t move, not until their eyes met for a long, long moment. Though she still burned with fury, she threw Eveanne’s arm into her torso.

“I see you near her again, I’ll be licking your blood of of my blade. Are we clear?” Hyana snarled in low warning.

The stillness of the gathering was not lost on Serella. Her ears burned. She had just wanted mead, how did it come to this? Even still, she couldn’t help but marvel at the three of them, all rage wrapped in finery, all upset on her behalf.

That was still something she needed to get used to, she supposed.

In much the same way she had done with Hyana, Aymeric turned gentle when he turned to step at her side. “Are you well?” He asked, his hand warm at the small of her back.

Eveanne gasped. At the sound, instantly, Aymeric’s gaze steeled as it darted to her.

“I know you.” Aymeric said, voice thick with open contempt. “Lady Deautimoix. Just influential enough to buy your way into politics but not important enough to have power over them.” He scoffed. “That you would have the confidence to disrespect a war hero so blatantly offends all sense and sensibility.”

Her heather gray eyes were wide with horror. It was a strange look on her, fear. Serella felt a little bad to take some measure of glee from it.

“I...forgive me, Lord Speak—”

“I am not the injured party. She has made her intentions clear.” His reply was swift but curt.

Eveanne left, and melted into the crowd with some semblance of shame— or a publicly acceptable facsimile of it, at least.

The noise of the celebrations resumed as quickly as it stopped, and the three closed in on her, all alarmingly gentle.

“You’re alright?” Estinien asked, the most reserved, though his gaze was discerning.

“I’m fine— really, I’m fine.” Serella shrugged them all off. “Really, I’m used to it—”

“Used to that?” Aymeric balked.

“That’s...more or less how relationships have been. Like with her.” She shrugged again, uncomfortable with their shocked gazes. “I was useful. And when I was useful enough, I was rewarded with affection. That’s...that’s how it works, right?”

The silence was sharp and loud in her ears, and it answered for all of them in the wake of their upset.

“I’m breaking both of her arms.” Hyana said, gathering her skirts and turning heel.

“I’ll make sure there are no witnesses.” Estinien mused, already stepping in line with her.

“No.” Serella and Aymeric said at the same time.

They stopped, however reluctantly.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ @sasuhinabigflash2020​​ ​​​ || Day Twenty-Nine: A Musician’s Life ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Mikoto ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: To Rule Them All ] [ AO3 Link ]

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When Sasuke descends from his room this morning, he finds himself given a task before he can even sit down for breakfast. Granted, he slept late and the meal is already done. But still...

“Would you be a dear and fetch a package for me?” his mother asks, busy clearing away and cleaning the dishes the rest of them used this morning.

“...a package?”

“I had a new dress tailored and it’s to be finished this morning.”

“But I haven’t even eaten.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Mikoto gives him a gentle look. “It’s only a few blocks. I’ll have something finished for you by the time you return, hm? I’d fetch it myself but I’m to travel to visit a friend soon this morning.”

Sighing, Sasuke bows his head and relents. “All right...I won’t be long.”

“Thank you, dear!”

Abandoning their manor along the outskirts of town, Sasuke takes a moment to look over the neighborhood. Nothing ever changes, but he always feels compelled to make sure. Then soft leather boots carry him further into the city.

While much of the place he was born has stayed the same, much too has changed. Ever-expanding, the outer rims of the city are becoming more and more enveloped as the boundaries grow. Crowds are bigger, streets are busier, businesses cropping up to sell their wares and services. Sasuke doesn’t indulge in many of them as a noble’s son, but every so often something new will catch his eye.

It’s a decent walk to the proper shop, and by the time Sasuke arrives, his appetite is starting to gnaw at him. A knock on the door is done automatically as his mind wanders back toward home where breakfast is hopefully waiting.

“Ah, you must be lady Mikoto’s son, yes?”

Glancing up as it opens and the shopkeep addresses him, he nods. “I’m here for a gown…?”

“Yes, yes - I’m just putting the finishing touches into the stitching! Could his lordship wait just a little while longer? I’ll be but a few minutes, sir!”

Internally souring but endeavoring not to show it, Sasuke just nods. He can’t exactly take home an unfinished dress. “I’ll wait just outside, then.”

“Your patience is much appreciated, my lord.”

Turning back to the thoroughfare, the young man sighs. Well...now what is he to do with himself?

It’s as he thinks that he notices something.

Gaze lifting to try and find the source, Sasuke’s ears perk at the sound of a string instrument. It seems a bard of some kind has decided to stop and play, likely for tips. A rather common practice in the busier parts of the city, attempting to lure patrons as they pass on their way.

Following his sense, Sasuke eventually finds it. One street over, perched along the edge of a fountain, is a young woman about his age. Her garments are of fine make, long dark hair pulled up into a tail. And just as he approaches, her song evolves as she adds her voice.

At her feet is an upturned hat where passersby have been leaving coins. Judging by the glint he can already see, she’s doing well. And it’s no surprise: she’s quite talented.

Still hovering along the other side of the road, Sasuke listens until the song ends. He’ll admit...she’s alluring in her own way. She almost looks nobly bred: a fine face, pale skin, and a graceful, soothing manner to her playing and movements. Add in her well-tailored garments and obvious skill in her trade, and it’s clear she’s had the resources to learn it comfortably. Probably professionally trained before being loosed upon the world.

A few people clap as she silences, nodding reverently at her guests as they leave tidings in her hat.

It’s then he decides to approach.

“You have a lovely voice,” he praises, drawing her gaze. “And you play very well. Is that a...lute?”

The woman gives a nod. “It is. Thank you for your kind words - it means all my years of practice have been worthwhile.”

“You look a bit out of place, I’ll admit. Most who peddle for coin with songs tend to look rougher than you do.”

At that, she seems to sober. “...I have been recently...removed from my household by my father. My fineries are only remnant, and...I now live a musician’s life through and through. This is all I have to earn my way, now.”

Sasuke’s brow draws. “...removed?”

“...I refused a suitor. And my father seems to feel that I...am soon to pass my prime. Calling me obstinate and ungrateful, he...removed me. But at least he had the dignity to leave me my things, though...they are now holed up in an inn rather than at home. I am still looking for a more...permanent place. Not easy to do when you…” She holds up her instrument, clearly signalling her dependence on an unsteady income.

“...I see.” He hesitates. “...may I know your name?”

“Oh, forgive me. I am Hinata.” She offers no surname, which...he can understand. Odds are, he knows of her family, given their seemingly similar ranks.

“Sasuke,” he supplies in return. “...would you...care for a more regular position?”

“What do you mean?”

“My father is a nobleman, and my mother a lover of the arts. I’m sure she would enjoy employing you and your skills, if you’d like. We have the means,” he replies honestly.

Hinata stares at him. “...you would…?”

“Sir? Sir!”

Turning, Sasuke spies the tailor. “Is it finished?”

“It is, sir. And your mother paid me in advance, so the gown is yours!” Bowing, the man offers the package.

“My thanks.” Watching him go, he then turns back to Hinata. “...would you like to meet her?”

“I...I would!” Taking to her feet, Hinata seems to regain her spirit, taking up her earnings and smiling. “...you are kind to offer me a way.”

“Honest talent should earn honest reward. Come, I’ll introduce you to my mother. I’m sure she’ll be quite taken with you and your music.”

Clearly ecstatic, Hinata gathers her hem and follows. To have a steady patron would indeed allay many of her fears.

And she can’t help but be curious over a man so keen to offer aid to a stranger.

     This is...short and perhaps a bit lackluster for a last piece, but I will fully admit: I am burned the heck out, ahaha~ 2020 has been exhausting and frankly hasn’t really let me recover from the past year of writing this ship. While I still adore it, I’m just rather worn on creating things for it, if...that makes sense ^^; While I’ve really enjoyed this event, I think I underestimated how ready I was to hop back into writing so much content for one subject again.      But anyway, a bit about the piece: just a little medieval-type ditty. Hinata going full bard after being kicked out, and Sasuke deciding he can step in. I drew a little inspiration based on Assassin’s Creed 2, if you know it xD How Ezio’s mother helps support Leonardo Da Vinci, haha!      Anyway, I have the next two “pieces” done, but they aren’t written! So for my AO3 peeps, you’ll have to head over to the Tumblr to see them, I’m afraid. But I hope they’ll be a good enough offering. I’m really just...too burnt out to write anything more, I’m afraid. But I’ve made two moodboards / aesthetics for the ship that I’ll post here in a jiffy to give myself a writing break, and shake things up for the free days!      On that note, I thank you guys for sticking with me for this event! Apologies for falling so far behind and at times being a little underwhelming. But overall this was still a lot of fun, and I got to try some new fic ideas! Not sure when I’ll be back to create more on these accounts, but I know it’ll happen eventually. Until then, you all take care, stay safe, and keep lovin’ SasuHina x3      ~Sylvie

[keeroo92]

I read your post about the dmc boys helping a s/o with body image issues and I loved it 😭 can I ask for more comfort?? How would the guys help a partner who has PTSD from an assault that happened years ago? If you're uncomfortable writing that's totally fine! 💞

Soooo this got slightly out of control. I originally planned on making this a headcanon thing, but... well...

The first section is an intro to the Reader’s viewpoint, read that first and then pick your favorite guy. (Sidenote - Apologies in advance for Vergil going OOC)

Hope you enjoy!

 ____________

The past weighed heavy on your soul. Over the years, you learned how to ignore it and keep moving forward, but some scars never fully heal. It wasn’t a memory you spent much time dwelling on if you could help it.

You told yourself it didn’t matter, that you were over it. That person couldn’t hurt you ever again, you wouldn’t let them. You were stronger than what they did to you and never again would you surrender to them, even mentally.

Yet when your beloved partner accidentally reminded you of it, the walls shattered. The ache in your chest felt as if it was only yesterday, the tears as powerful as ever. Even after all those years.

---V---

He froze as your breathing hitched, but not in pleasure. Something was wrong, had he hurt you?

“What’s wrong, love?”

Tattooed hands left the bare flesh of your stomach to stroke your cheek. He longed to ease the pained expression on your familiar face, but you flinched back from his touch. Confusion and concern warred in his mind as he shifted away, granting you the space you so clearly needed.

The glow of the television danced across your body as the film played on, heedless and uncaring. A soft rustle accompanied your every move upon the upholstery. Only seconds before, sighs and moans filled the now silent air.

Something was terribly wrong.

“Please talk to me. Did I hurt you?” the poet begged.

You shook your head, arms and legs pulled tight to your core. “I- it’s not you.”

His heart twisted at the broken tone of your sweet voice. Restrained sniffles and shaking shoulders only heightened the sensation. He knew you far too well for you to hide your pain.

Slick fluid still coated his rapidly wilting length, the flush on his skin only barely faded. Echoes of his arousal lingered in his belly, but easing the ache was his last priority. All he cared about was restoring your smile.

“What can I do?”

At first, he thought you weren’t going to answer. By the time you finished telling the story, he wished he’d been correct.

Why did such terrible people exist? What evil needed to manifest for a person to steal your very ability to choose? How dare they, what gave them the right? He would tear them to pieces, drive stakes into their body until they begged for mercy just as you did. They’d receive the same level of compassion as they’d given you.

But not tonight.

Tonight, you needed him. His wrath could wait.

“I cannot imagine the strength required to survive that. I’m so sorry,” he murmured. “Thank you for trusting me with the truth.”

Hesitant hands reached out to you, slow enough you could easily deny his attempts to pull you into an embrace. Despite the fear and pain lingering in your eyes, you allowed it, huddling against his chest as if he could hide you from any strife.

He’d do his best.

“I’m sorry I’m like this, I thought I was past it,” you whispered. “I won’t hold it against you if you want to leave.”

You trembled in his grasp, curling inwards as another round of tears slipped free to drip from your chin. His grip only tightened, crushing you against him as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Never apologize for being in pain. Not to me.”

He paused and rubbed soothing circles across your spine, listening to your unsteady breathing. When you stopped shaking at last, he pulled back to look deep into your eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere. Now that I’ve found you, I refuse to let you go. Understood?”

You sniffled again and nodded, the first hint of a smile gracing your lips.

 Nero

In the back of his mind, he always knew. The way your eyes always searched for an exit in public spaces, how you never slept as well alone, the way you saw yourself… It all hinted at the truth, but he never pressed for the whole story. You’d tell him when you were ready. In the meantime, he did his best to support you.

As you finally broke down and spoke about it, an odd sense of joy rushed through him. It was nice to know you trusted him so much.

But the feeling didn’t last. How could he ever be happy about any aspect of it?

It didn’t matter that you barely cried. It didn’t matter that your voice was steady and constant. It didn’t matter that you didn’t push him away or let go of his hand as you spoke. No, all that mattered was how none of it should’ve ever happened.

“This is so messed up…”

He didn’t know what else to say. Words didn’t seem like enough.

“I’m working through it, bit by bit,” you said. Judging by your defensive posture, it wasn’t helping.

Nero sighed and scratched the back of his neck. He knew plenty of people who dealt with similar crap. Growing up in the orphanage exposed him to the concept before he even hit puberty. It never made sense to him, wasn’t it more enjoyable when everyone wanted it? What kind of monster preferred forcing themselves on another person?

Regardless. It wasn’t the kind of thing anyone should face alone and despite his knowledge, he knew he could only do so much. He stared at the floor as blood rushed to his face. It felt strange to ask such a personal question, but considering the circumstances…

“Have you… y’know, been talking to someone?”

Your hands fidgeted the way they always did when you got nervous, picking at the seam of the bedspread. Was that because of the trauma?

“No, not for a few years,” you mumbled.

He took your hands and brought them to his lips, pressing soft kisses across the knuckles. It was important not to make you feel worse, no matter how much he wanted to scold you for not taking proper care of the issue. Support, not judgement. Understanding, not condemnation.

“I can help you find someone, when you’re ready. Anything you need, okay?”

He wrapped an arm over your shoulders and kissed the top of your head, his heart heavy and stomach twisted. What else could he do? Was anything enough?

Probably not.

But that never stopped him before.

 Dante

The devilish smirk fell from his lips the moment you started crying. He’d never seen you cry before, not once. It shocked him, if he was being totally honest.

“Babe? What’s up?”

It was clear on your face how desperately you fought whatever was troubling you. What could possibly be wrong, and why didn’t you say something? You told him everything, even the stuff he didn’t want to know.

The clatter of the cue ball breaking the rack at the next table made you jump. Raucous laughter followed soon after and the red-clad man set aside his stick. Fear and shame stained your eyes; whatever was going on, this wasn’t the place.

He took your hand and pulled you outside into the chilly evening air. Overhead, the stars shone in a pitch-black sky, no moon to be seen. Wisps of cigarette smoke drifted over from where some idiot puffed away.

“Hey, get lost,” Dante commanded.

The fool almost protested, a sneer already teasing at his mouth but Dante had no patience. He focused on his blood and allowed his eyes to shift, growling at the man until he dashed away with a terrified look. That shit never got old.

“Right. Wanna tell me what’s going on, now?”

He never would’ve imagined the tale you told him, pausing here and there to sniffle or take his hand. Pressure built in his sternum with every word, glass choking him as his hands tingled. What he wouldn’t give to take away your pain and make it like nothing ever happened.

But all he came up with was a stupid joke. “Want me to go kick their ass for ya?”

You sighed and wiped your eyes, staring at anything except his face. “No, it was my fault anyway. I should’ve been more careful or worn something else. It was my mistake.”

Oh, hell no. He was not letting you get away with that bullshit. Not in a million years. Calloused hands took careful hold of your chin and gently turned it to face his stern glare.

“That’s stupid and you know it. The only person responsible is them. They chose to… do that to you. They chose to be an ass. It’s not your fault. Don’t you ever say or even think stuff like that ever again, you hear me?”

“But-“

“No.”

A petulant frown split your tear-streaked face. “But-“

“Stop it,” he insisted.

“Dante, come on-“

“I said no, damnit!”

A hint of amusement filtered through the sorrow in your eyes. It was a start. Enough for him to drop his hand and pull you into a hug, encasing you in his body in a silent promise. He didn’t know what you needed to do to heal, but he’d be there every step of the way.

 Vergil

It explained so much. Why you didn’t like swimming or wearing a bathing suit. Why you hated going downtown. Why you were so hesitant with your affections. How had he not figured it out before? You shouldn’t have to relive it just so he understood.

As if he ever could.

Still, he’d been violated before. Scars still marked his otherwise pristine skin, not to mention those on his soul. He knew what it was to survive against all odds, and the knowledge that you did too deepened his respect for you threefold.

“I never knew,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

You sat on the antique couch, hands in your lap and eyes locked on the oak parquet. Throughout your tale, he’d been pacing. The living room was the perfect size for it, even with the elaborate fireplace. The motion helped to ease the pressure to do something, anything to fix this. A way to channel his energy without causing damage.

Much as he wished to sink his blade deep into the gut of the villain in your story. Not too deep; only a slow and painful death would suffice. No mercy for such a crime.

“I’m sorry. I… I didn’t want you to know how weak I am.”

His repetitive footsteps froze. You thought yourself weak, and that he would as well. Guilt and shame mixed in his mind; how could he have allowed you to not understand? A muscle in his cheek spasmed and he whirled to kneel at your feet, an earnest look etched across his regal features as he grasped your hands in his own.

“Weakness lies not in the inability to avoid pain, but the inability to withstand it. You are not weak, quite the opposite. That you haven’t given up is a testament to your strength.”

A shaky breath slipped from your lips. What else could he do or say to help? How could he make you understand that in his eyes, you had the strength of a typhoon?

“You’re wrong, I’m a coward. I’m not strong, just too broken for them to bother killing.”

First you called yourself weak, and now broken? You couldn’t possibly think so little of yourself. Unacceptable, he wouldn’t allow it. Not anymore, at least.

He knew of only one way to piece together a wounded soul. Hopefully, it would prove sufficient for your needs. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t be with you at all times.

The pommel at his waist warmed to his touch. His oldest ally and most reliable companion, the Yamato never failed him. A pang of loss ached in his heart as he untied the strings, as if he were surrendering a portion of his own soul by holding it out to your curious eyes.

He never allowed you to touch it before.

“Take it.”

Your mouth dropped open, shock tinting your gaze. “W- what?”

He huffed and forced his arms not to retreat. “I will train you, until not a soul alive can call you anything but strong. Even yourself.”

Your trembling hands wrapped around the sheathe after a long pause. Releasing his grip sent shockwaves through his body, but somehow he managed. It was worth it if it helped you.

“I- I couldn’t! It’s yours!”

A soft smile twisted his lips as the last echoes of pain faded into static. Truthfully, the arrangement was perfect. Yamato was a part of him; nothing in the world would work harder to keep you safe. If ever you found yourself in a dire situation again, escape would be child’s play.

And in a sense, as long as you carried his blade, he was at your side.

“And now it’s yours.”

He paused, another wave of agony rushing through him as you slid the blade free. “At least until I find a suitable weapon for you.”

[queenofcats17]

The Line In The Sand

@randomwriteronline wrote this awesome thing and I wanted to write something with my own Joey.

I need to flesh out his character more. Please tell me if there’s anything I should change. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

Investors learned quickly not to mention their thoughts on Judaism in front of Joey Drew. 

Normally, he wasn’t one to express anger toward his investors. Even when they made disparaging comments about some of his staff, he never lost his temper. 

They called Norman the usual slurs and suggested Joey was a fool for trusting him with the projection equipment. 

They chided Joey for hiring Irishmen, most notably Wally and Shawn, citing how lazy and shiftless ‘their types’ could be. 

They expressed distaste and disgust that he’d put a woman in charge of the animation department, calling Ms. Lambert some rather unsavory names and insinuating she was trying to be a man. There was the usual, ‘she’ll never find a husband if she keeps on like this’ as well, although that one applied to most of the women employed at the studio. 

(Nothing was said about Lacie Benton since she was under Bertram’s employ, and he had likely shut down any attempts to disparage her.)

Through all this, Joey never attempted to correct them. Never bothered to defend his workers. His investors could throw around all the slurs they wanted and he wouldn’t bat an eye. 

“What’s the harm in hiring them?” He’d say with a shrug. “As long as they do good work, I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t hire them. Besides,” he’d add with one of his showman smiles. “No matter how poorly I treat them, they won’t leave me. Who else would hire them?”

This always got a round of laughter from the investors. None of them noticed Joey’s smile never reached his eyes. None of them noticed the hatred that burned in his eyes when he looked at them. The contempt that lurked behind his amiable smile. Oh, how he’d changed from when he was young. 

He just told the investors what they wanted to hear, proved that he could play their game. And that was enough for the greedy bastards. They never thought to probe any deeper than what was on the surface. After all, he was young and handsome, he dressed the right way and said the right things. He was one of them, as far as they were concerned. 

But when they brought up the Jewish people in his employ...That was when they saw a side to Joseph Drew that he kept closely guarded. The first time one of the investors made an off-color joke on the subject, Joey got very quiet. His smile vanished, replaced by a stony mask.

The ‘joke’ had been about Grant. One of the investors had said that Joey’s studio was probably losing money because Grant was stealing it. He hadn’t called Grant by name, of course, referring to him in a less than flattering manner. 

“Mr. Drew, is something wrong?” One asked, pausing in his uproarious laughter when he noticed Joey’s expression.

The mood in the office had changed the moment the ‘joke’ had been made. The air suddenly felt...heavier. An intense aura radiated off of Joey and all of them could tell it meant he was not pleased.

“Fine,” Joey spat, his lip curling up in a snarl. “I’m afraid I’ll have to cut this meeting short. I’m suddenly feeling rather ill.” He stood up with fluid grace, holding the edge of his desk so hard his knuckles were turning white. 

“Is this because of what I said?” The instigator asked with a smug smirk. “Come now, don’t tell me you can’t take a joke!”

Joey turned very slowly to the instigator, his snarl turning into a smile. It was a wide smile. Almost unnatural in how wide it was. It made everyone present feel rather ill at ease.

“I’m just feeling ill, that’s all,” he replied with an eerie degree of calm. The intense aura had become even stronger, causing a few of the men to pull nervously at their collars.

“I have a weak constitution, I’m afraid,” Joey continued, gliding out from behind his desk and opened the door. “I wouldn’t want to lose consciousness in the middle of a meeting. So why don’t you all leave for the moment? We can continue our conversation at our next meeting.” Although his voice was calm and jovial, there was an underlying edge that left little room for argument.

Admittedly, any one of them could likely have taken him down. Joey Drew was a small man, short and slight. But the terrifying presence he possessed tended to discourage others from enacting physical violence against him. Nowadays, at least. So, the investors left.

Joey waited until he could no longer hear their footsteps anymore, turned, and screamed at the top of his lungs. His secretary didn’t even bat an eye. Sighing, she got up and went into his office to make sure he didn’t break anything. 

It happened more than once, as well. Every time an investor said something disparaging or made a joke about the Jewish people in Joey’s employ, or Jewish people in general, Joey immediately shut down the meeting and made them leave. His outbursts of anger after their departure became more and more frequent.

The latest instance was the worst of them. The curses that she heard were worse than any Joey had used in the past. It almost sounded as though he was crying as well. Despite her better judgment, she went to see what was going on. When she entered the office, she found Joey holding onto the back of his chair and muttering darkly to himself. His expression was positively demonic and she could see tear tracks running down his cheeks. She was a bit surprised to see he’d been crying.

“You know, if you hate meeting with them so much, maybe you should stop,” she said. 

“What a lovely idea, Gloria!” Joey growled through gritted. “I hadn’t thought of that!”

“Don’t get snippy. It was just a suggestion.” Gloria sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. As far as the studio was concerned, she had the patience of a saint. In reality, though, she was one of the few people who was willing to call out Joey’s bullshit. For some reason, Joey didn’t object to this either.

Her incredulous look made Joey pause and take a few deep breaths to calm himself. 

“As much as I would like to cut all contact with those overgrown bullies,” he said, making a concerted effort not to yell. “It’s extremely difficult to find ways to raise money for this sort of thing. Placating those fat pigs is my best option for securing a reliable source of funding.”

“If that’s really how you feel, I’m surprised you actually draw a line on the bull you let them spew,” Gloria remarked, her lip curling up a bit in distaste.

The things she’d heard those investors say made her blood boil. And yet Joey had never protested against any of it. What made this topic different from the others?

“It’s...complicated,” Joey said slowly, avoiding her gaze. He quickly shook his head and sat down in his chair. “In any case, I have work I need to do.”

Gloria raised an eyebrow but left without another word. 

Left alone, Joey stared down at the stack of expense reports on his desk. It was amazing how all the expenses added up. Math had been his worst subject in school. It was a miracle he’d managed to keep the studio running before he’d hired Grant. That man was a lifesaver. 

Thinking of Grant made his mind drift back to the comments to investors had made. He gritted his teeth, almost snapping his pen in half as his fist clenched in rage. He despised them. Despised having to grovel to them to get the money he needed. When he looked at them, he saw the schoolyard bullies who had made his childhood years a living nightmare.

Listening to them insult his workers was maddening, but he could keep his distaste under wraps because the slurs they used had never been applied to him. When he heard the slurs about Jewish people, though, he was transported back to the schoolyard. That time when he’d been small and weak and helpless and no one had lifted a finger to help him. He was unable to control his anger then.

.

One thing people learned very quickly was that Joey was incredibly protective of his workers. While he’d (barely) tolerate slander from the investors, no one else was allowed to speak ill of his workers. If anyone was actively harassing an employee of his he never hesitated to protect them. No one could prove that the misfortune that befell the harassers was due to Joey, but everyone knew. 

Because of this, many of the employees weren’t entirely sure how to feel about their boss. 

On one hand, he could be manipulative and callous toward them. If you were no longer useful to him, he wouldn’t hesitate to throw you out on your ass. He treated them more fairly than other employers, but those who knew him best knew that they meant very little to him in the long run. 

On the other hand, he was indeed fiercely protective of them. They actually mattered to him, even if it was only because he cared about what they could do for him. His showman act fooled many people as well. So much so that many of the younger employees genuinely believed he cared about them. 

Not to mention, there were strange moments when he was actually...kind. Normally, he didn’t give paid vacations or time off, and he certainly didn’t let people leave early. When these requests were put in he’d reject them. But early in the history of the studio, Grant had come to Joey to ask if he could leave early. The workday normally ended at 6, but the lighting of the menorah for Hanukkah was usually done between 5:30 and 6, and Grant didn’t want to miss it. 

He’d fully expected Joey to tell him no. He’d fully expected to be yelled at. 

Instead, Joey had gotten a strange look in his eyes. Something tender and almost wistful. Grant was a bit taken aback. He’d never seen such an expression on Joey’s face. 

“Alright,” Joey said after a moment, his voice quiet. “You have my permission to leave early when you need it.”

“Thank you, sir.” Grant nodded and left quickly, lest Joey change his mind. 

Joey didn’t change his mind, though. Every time Grant asked for time off or to leave early, Joey granted it. Grant wasn’t an exception either. When other Jewish employees made similar requests, he granted them too. He had a fondness for his Jewish employees that no one understood. 

No one felt brave enough to ask about this, but Grant had some idea. Not that he’d ever share that idea, though. No, he knew how to keep his mouth shut. And so, Joey’s surprising compassion toward Jewish people remained a mystery to his employees.

This was why his reaction to that lawyer Mrs. Klein was so surprising. He reacted to her with such vitriol. He’d always been respectful toward other Jewish people who had come to the studio. He’d never responded with such hatred before. It was almost as if they knew each other or something.

[krycss]

Actions Speak Louder Than Words | Jacob Seed x f!Deputy

Chapter 14

[Read on AO3]

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Guess who's alive! It's me!

It took so long to get this out. Just trying to find time between work and sleep where I had not only the motivation, but also the energy and the creativity to write was so hard. But, just writing a little bit each day helped out. Even just one word.

I appreciate your guys' patience so much! <3

Packing was slow. Every few minutes Jacob or Cat would stop what they were doing and just give each other a sad smile or a quick peck. Their short time of peace and normalcy was up, and while neither said it out loud, they both knew that they didn’t really want to go back. Even if it was important. Even if the fate of Joseph’s followers depended on Jacob returning. Eventually their bags were full, the cabin was cleaned, and there was nothing left to do but get in the truck.

Jacob took one last, big breath before locking the door behind them.

“Ready?” He spoke in almost a whisper, despite there being no one else around.

“As I’ll ever be.” Cat smiled up at him, squeezing his hand that was twined with her own.

The truck ride back was equally quiet, but a different kind of quiet. Both had accepted that things were going back to how they were. There was no changing that. Now they just had to collect themselves before they arrived back at the Veteran’s Center. Gone was Jacob being able to actually sleep in and get some much needed rest. His dark circles had started to lighten during their trip but Cat knew they’d be back almost as soon as he got back to work. Cat would miss the solitude. She liked to think she’d had enough time to adjust to being around people, but her anxiety definitely was rearing its head again as they neared the Veteran’s Center. She had gotten comfortable not having to look over her shoulder. She didn’t have to worry about not being able to speak properly because Jacob had been there. Now she knew they’d have to be apart again and her self-confidence plummeted, knowing she’d be going back to her stutter once more.

As if sensing where her mind was going, Jacob grabbed her hand and lifted it to his lips.

She smiled at her husband, grateful for his unending support.

Too soon for her liking, they came around the bend leading towards the large gates of St. Francis.

The two guards readied their weapons at the approaching vehicle, only relaxing when they realized who it was. As they waited for the gates to open, one of the guards took a step towards Jacob’s open window.

“Sir. Nice to have you back.” He nodded quickly.

Jacob grunted, not even gracing him with attention.

The guard turned his gaze to Cat.

“You too, ma’am.”

Cat gave him a quick smile before turning her gaze back to the front. It was weird being addressed this way now. As an equal somehow. Sure, everyone knew that she was Jacob’s before they were married, but even then she was rarely acknowledged unless absolutely necessary.

Now she had to get used to that.

By the time they had managed to make it back to Jacob’s office they had already picked up the pile of reports from their time away. The Chosen that Jacob had replaced Pratt with, a stocky man named Isaac, followed them up to their room. He had long, dark, brown hair that was tied back away from his face. He wore the typical Chosen gear, minus the face mask, and had the Eden’s Gate cross painted across his left eye.

“No major incidents while you away, sir.” Isaac stood at attention near the door once Jacob was seated at his desk.

Cat went ahead and unpacked their things while also listening in.

“Any minor ones, then?” Jacob muttered while reading over the reports in his hand.

“Just the usual skirmishes with the Sinners. It appears the deputy that Brother John held captive, Hudson, has taken up the mantle of leading the attacks in the absence of you…” Isaac glanced up, making brief eye-contact with Cat. “Sister Catherine.”

Cat winced slightly at the title and her full name.

“Either ma’am, or Cat.” Jacob spoke. “If you must address her.”

Isaac nodded quickly.

“They’ve managed to take back some territory in Sister Faith’s region but that’s being taken care of as we speak.”

“Understood.” Jacob, sighed. “Anything else?”

“Nothing serious. We’ll get back to the normal schedule, sir.”

“If that’s all, dismissed.” Jacob called out.

When Isaac left the room Cat walked over to Jacob, leaning over him and kissing his cheek.

“Not even a moment’s rest, hm?”

Jacob huffed under his breath. “Not around here.”

One month passed.

It didn’t take long for Cat to return to her team and get back to work on the beacons. Her team was happy to have her back, bringing her up to date on all the gossip she missed out on during her honeymoon. Jacob still didn’t like having his wife out there, but she wasn’t going to be stopped. It was better than stewing in the Veteran’s Center all day like he tended to do. Everything was going smoothly until Isaac returned to Jacob’s room one evening.

“Everything good, soldier?” Jacob barely glanced up from his desk.

“Nothing to worry about, sir. Just that a letter arrived for you, ma’am.”

Cat perked up from her seat on their bed – Jacob finally replaced his cot with an actual double bed. She placed the book she was reading on the dresser before walking over. Isaac unfolded the envelope from his pocket before handing it to her. Cat glanced down at the envelope and smiled to herself before nodding to Isaac in thanks, earning one back.

“If that’s all?” Jacob eyed the man who was still standing too close to his wife for his liking.

Isaac confirmed and quickly made his exit.

“Who’s it from?” Jacob leaned back in his chair.

“Kim.”

“Rye?”

Cat nodded.

“She’s the only one who knows about…what actually happened to me.  Why I came to you after all that. Everyone in the Valley knows about our marriage now. So, I don’t have to imagine what this is about.”

Cat maneuvered her way onto Jacob’s lap, despite his very light-hearted protests about having to finish his reports. She opened the letter with shaky hands.

“Dear, Cat.

I hope this letter reaches you. Wasn’t sure how to address it – not like the post office is really running around here though. And it was hard enough convincing Nick to even consider taking it to someone who might be able to get it to where it needed to go.  Still, I heard the big news. Congrats on the marriage. Probably not hearing a lot of that from our side of things, if at all. I heard what happened from Hudson when she and the others returned. They might not understand, but you know I do. And I don’t fault you. Sure, I don’t quite get it, but that’s not for me to get. Anyways, don’t want to make this long, just wanted to let you know that we, too, had a change in the family. Finally had that baby of ours! It’s a girl! I’ll try and get you that money Nick owes you from your guys’ bet. Her name is Carmina and she’s a handful, let me tell you. But I was hoping you might be able to find that out on your own. Nick doesn’t know, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. You know my number to get in contact with me. I just really want you to meet her. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future but I still value you as a friend and I hope it’s returned. Anyways, let me know! I look forward to hearing from you.

Your friend,

Kim Rye & her adorable daughter Carmina.”

Cat took a shaky breath in as she finished reading the letter aloud.

“Seems like a trap to me.” Jacob raised one brow at her.

“Of course you’d think so. I…I really do want to see her. And the baby.” Cat leaned back, her side to his chest, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

“You’re not going anywhere that close to Fall’s End alone.”

“Maybe…”Cat chewed her bottom lip. “Maybe I could convince her to let someone come with me?”

Jacob gave a quick, sarcastic laugh.

“Worth a shot?”

“…Up to you, just know that I don’t like it, darlin’.”

“I know, hon.” Cat gently patted his cheek as she leaned over to bring his desk phone closer.

The phone call was a little easier to navigate than talking in person. Granted, Jacob was right there which helped tremendously. Kim was excited to actually be able to talk to Cat since she wasn’t able to last time. “Let’s me know things are going good for you.” She had said. Cat had explained that Jacob wasn’t exactly keen on letting her go out there alone – or at least without protection – due to the circumstances.

“Are you sure you’re okay with me visiting since we’re…t-technically on opposite sides?”

“Cat, we were friends first before all this happened. I know why you did the things you did, and I understand. Do I understand on a philosophical level? Maybe not. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that I want my friend to meet my new baby if she can.”

Cat looked back at Jacob. She knew he could hear Kim based on his face.

“I mean, I’d l-love to. You know this. But, like I said, Jacob isn’t exactly comfortable with it and if I’m b-being honest, I’m more comfortable with him around. If there’s any way…c-could he come along?”

Jacob’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

Kim was silent on the other end but Cat could hear her walking around. Cat held the phone to her shoulder.

“Sorry, probably should have brought that up first.”

Jacob shrugged. “Probably. But, chances are now she’s gonna say no because of that. I’m not exactly winning any popularity contests. While I might not like the idea, I don’t necessarily want to keep you from your friend. Even if they’re associated with the enemy. Not that much of an asshole.”

“Don’t tell that to your followers.” Cat chuckled, rolling her eyes. “They’ll think you’ve gone soft.”

“Only for you.”

They smiled at one another before Kim called out from the phone once more.

“Tell you what.” Kim’s voice was hesitant on the other end. “He can come, but only if he stays in the truck and you both come unarmed.”

Cat’s eyes widened.

“Y-you sure?”

“Not really. But I trust you, and after hearing him say he doesn’t want to keep you locked away, I’m willing to throw an olive branch just so I can see you.”

Cat blushed, knowing that Kim heard all that. Jacob just sighed.

“If that’s doable for you two, then let me know and I can arrange a date that Nick won’t be home. Would rather not have him shoot you on sight.”

“Hold on, Kim.” Cat turned back to Jacob. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s dangerous, going out with no weapons, for one. Two, could be a trap, but that’s just my brain talking. If it’s something you really want, I’m willing to…compromise.”

“Like what?”

“I want you to have a weapon at least. Should anything go down – on the way there or on arrival – I at least want one of us to have a means of defense. Hell, you can leave it in the truck or hand it over if that makes her more comfortable. But I’m not leaving this base without a weapon and putting you in harm’s way.”

“That’s fine with me, Seed.” Kim’s voice piped up once more. “I don’t want to see her harmed any more than you do.”

“Questionable.” Jacob mumbled.

Cat lightly swatted his shoulder. “Be nice.”

She could hear Kim chuckle on the other end.

“How does next Saturday work for you? Nick and the others are going to be meeting up that day so he should out for most of the day.”

Cat raised a brow towards her husband. He just shrugged, nodding slightly.

“Works for us. I r-really appreciate this, Kim.”

“Not a problem. I’ve missed you. See you soon!”

“See you!”

Cat placed the phone back on the receiver and melted into Jacob’s chest. He immediately started rubbing his hand up and down her arm.

“This ought to be interesting.” He mused.

“Oh, very.”

Saturday came far too quickly for Cat’s liking. While she was excited at the prospect of seeing Kim again, this was still a risky move. She glanced down at the pistol strapped to her thigh. Should anything happen while they were on the road that’s all they had for protection. Granted, Jacob could do some major damage with just a pistol, but still, not the best odds in an ambush. Cat leaned her head against the truck window, letting the vibrations cover her thoughts.

They had opted for a plain truck, all black, and changed into more “casual” wear. Anything to keep attention off of themselves. Cat had her hair up in a pony-tail and was wearing a thin, black long sleeve shirt to hide her sins, some regular blue, skinny jeans, her combat boots, and a black ball cap with her hair pulled through the back. Jacob ditched his signature jacket – which took a lot of convincing from Cat – and opted for just wearing one of his white undershirts, with his normal jeans, and boots. He also was sporting a black ball cap to hide his hair and face.

“We’re almost there. You okay?” Jacob glanced over at Cat.

“I think so. Nervous, mostly.”

“Eh, it’s just a baby. They’re not too scary.” Jacob grinned, laughing when Cat stuck her tongue out at him.

They pulled under the “Rye and Son’s” sign to which Cat smiled lovingly at. Jacob parked the truck in front of the house, far enough away to make Kim comfortable, but close enough to be there if things went wrong. Cat could see Kim’s outline behind the front window before she disappeared to the door.

Cat took a deep breath.

“I’ll be right here.” Jacob reminded her.

Cat leaned over, kissing him gently. He chuckled when their hats bumped against one another.

“Go on.”

Cat nodded before turning back to open her door. Kim was now standing outside the front door with a bundle in her arms. Cat made a show of removing her pistol and placing it on the roof of the truck and kept her hands visible as she walked to meet Kim halfway. Her hands were twitching with the urge to fidget.

“You look good.” Kim smiled hesitantly.

Cat smiled back. “T-t-thanks.”

She crossed her arms, squeezing her sides to distract herself from her stutter.

Kim’s eyes darted behind her, to which Cat turned to follow. She hadn’t heard him open the door but Jacob was now leaning against the hood of the truck.

“He treating you right?”

Cat nodded, smiling softly. “P-perfectly.”

“Good. That’s good.” Kim sighed. “I was worried at first, when I heard the news. Everyone was. I’ve kept your secret though, haven’t told anyone. Didn’t know if you’d want me to or not. It reminded me of why you did it and I think that’s what made it easier for me to accept it.”

Cat smiled sadly at her friend, thankful for her understanding at least.

“So w-who’s this?” Cat turned her attention to the bundle in Kim’s arm.

The one-month old was sleeping soundly in her mother’s arms, her thumb in her mouth.

“This beauty right here is Carmina.” Kim moved closer, easing her arms forward to meet Cat’s. “She’s a hard sleeper so don’t worry about her waking any time soon.”

Cat nodded as she was handed Carmina. She bounced her lightly, a smile already breaking out onto her face. She hadn’t held many babies before this, but it would seem instinct was kicking in. It felt natural. Cat’s eyes roamed over the baby’s face, admiring the small tufts of dark hair on the top of her head. Kim was leaning over, cooing lightly.

“It was a hell of a delivery. Almost didn’t think we’d make it to the hospital! You wouldn’t believe the things that happened on the way there. It was ridiculous.”

Cat chuckled lightly, trying not to jostle Carmina.

“Y-you’ll have to t-tell me about it sometime.” She whispered.

Cat began lightly swaying. She wasn’t sure why, but she suddenly found herself emotional. All the talk of the future a month ago during her honeymoon suddenly reared its ugly head in her mind. Reminding her of what she and Jacob might never have. Carmina started to become a blur in her vision but she didn’t stop smiling.

“You okay?” Kim placed a hand one her back.

Cat nodded and glanced back over at Jacob. His hat was shadowing his eyes but Cat swore his eyes were glassy before he turned away. This was too much for both of them it would seem.

They might not have been there long at all, only a few minutes, but it was enough for now.

“We should p-probably go.”

“So soon?”

Cat sniffled. “I know. I’m s-sorry. Things are…”

Kim nodded in understanding. “I think I get it.”

They traded Carmina and Kim wrapped her free arm around Cat’s shoulders.

“You take care of yourself alright? I don’t know if or when we’ll see each other again, but I don’t know that it will be on good ground again. You know?”

Cat nodded.

“Alright. Now get going before your husband gets too antsy.”

They traded quick smiles before parting ways. Cat blinked back the rest of her tears, putting herself back together. Jacob had already gotten back into the driver’s seat. Cat made sure to grab her pistol again before she joined him in the truck.

No words were said but once she was buckled in, Jacob started the long drive back to the Veteran’s Center.

They walked back to their room in silence. Jacob had his arm around Cat’s shoulder as they walked. Whether to comfort her or himself, Cat wasn’t sure. When they finally reached their room they both changed into more comfortable clothes before moving to the bed. Jacob laid down first and pulled Cat on top of him. She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“I had heard of baby fever. Didn’t know it would hit this hard.” Cat mumbled.

Jacob hummed in agreement.

“You okay?” Cat glanced up at his face. He was still looking a little teary-eyed.

Jacob heaved a heavy sigh. “I’m not sure. I think I was…taken aback, I suppose. Seeing you with a baby…? Awakened something in me I guess. I know I want that with you. But seeing it, knowing that it’s too dangerous for that right now? It was like waking from a perfect dream because some asshole dropped cold water on your head.”

Cat smiled sadly. “I get it. That’s how it was for me. It was like, we had talked about it, and that was enough for me. But then to actually hold her, it was like everything that we talked about went out the window. As if my brain was going ‘This is right, even if you aren’t ready.’ If that makes sense.”

“Yeah. Good ol’ basic animal instincts kicking into gear. We’re a pair, time to mate.”

Cat laughed lightly to herself. Of course he’d equate it in those terms.

“Hopefully soon.” He mused. “When the Project accomplishes our goals and it’s safe to have them. Maybe.”

“’Them’, huh? You wanting more than one?”

Cat moved up to lay next to Jacob instead, bringing herself even with his face.

“Of course. A whole pack of them.” His teasing wink got a laugh out of Cat.

“Oh really? And I’m birthing this entire pack, am I? Doesn’t seem like a fun time to me!”

They both laughed at that until Jacob kissed her forehead.

“I think at most three. There’s a part of me that wants the chance to make up for what my brothers and I went through. I want to be the father we never had.”

Cat rested her head on Jacob’s shoulder, her eyes getting heavy from the emotional afternoon.

“I think three would be lovely.”

“Someday.” He promised.

“Someday.”

Plans were underway two weeks later. New reports had come in from Faith about Hudson making pushes against her Bliss factories again. Jacob had agreed to send in more men to help defend them and had been coordinating all of that for most of the morning. Cat was currently relaxing up in their room by herself. She had woken that morning not feeling particularly great and so her team checked on the beacons themselves. Once she got the all-clear from them she felt comfortable enough to relax without having to worry about them. She was catching up on some reading – something other than reports for once – when it was as if a light bulb had gone off and shattered in her head.

How long had it been since her period?

She placed her book down on her lap, her eyes wide as she wracked her brain to figure out the answer. It was definitely before her wedding. When it didn’t started after her honeymoon she didn’t think twice about it. She’d been under quite a bit of stress lately, it wouldn’t be surprising if things simply got out of whack. Still, there was that tiny voice of hope in the back of her mind that was asking “What if?” Next to it however was a louder voice, one reminding her of the danger this could cause. They were in the middle of a war. A war in which she’d already been kidnapped, tortured, and kidnapped again. By this point she was wearing a path into the floor with her pacing. There was really only one thing left to do if she wanted a definitive answer. But what if she didn’t like the answer? And if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t know if she wanted it to be positive or not.

She pulled up her radio, calling for Isaac to meet her.

The man showed up rather quickly.

“Did you need something, ma’am? Jacob should be done with the ground team planning soon enough.”

“T-thank you, Isaac.” Cat realized now that this was going to not only be hard to get out due to Jacob being away, but also the sensitivity of the information. “B-but I was hoping to ask-ask for a favor?”

“Anything, ma’am.”

“Y-you can’t tell Jacob. I’ll-I’ll do that later.”

She looked up at him with pleading eyes. He wasn’t that much taller than her. Isaac seemed uncertain but nodded anyways.

“I need you to g-get me a p-pregnancy test.” She stared off at a spot on the floor as she felt her cheeks heat up.

If Isaac was surprised, he didn’t show it. But Cat swore she saw him stiffen up a bit.

“I’ll, uh, get right on that, ma’am.” And with that he turned and walked out the door.

Cat let out a sigh. Now she just had to wait.

Isaac returned about an hour later with a container of food from the mess hall. Cat raised an eyebrow as she took it from him at the door.

“In case Jacob asked what I was bringing you, I could say lunch instead of lying outright.” He smirked.

Cat chuckled. “A-appreciate it. Thank-thank you.”

“Of course, and,” He turned to close the door as he walked away “I wish you luck.”

Cat nodded her thanks once more before taking a big breath and heading to the bathroom.

To say that she was nervous was an understatement. She was currently sitting on the toilet seat staring a hole into the tile floor as she waited. It felt like she checked her watch every second and yet time was moving so slowly. Finally her time was up. She stared at the unassuming little stick sitting on the sink like it was a wild animal. She hesitantly stood up. The less than one foot walk felt like miles. She picked it up with shaky hands and squeezed her eyes shut.

If it was negative, she didn’t know what to do. She tried not to get her hope’s up but that’s impossible. She’d accept it, of course. It would be better in the long run, of course.

But if it was positive, that meant a whole new set of problems that, quite frankly, they weren’t ready for. If she was ready to accept those problems, would Jacob want to?

She took in a deep breath before psyching herself up and looking down.

It’s amazing how two, faint, pink lines can suddenly change everything.

Only seven and a half months to go, apparently.

[impracticaldemon]

Pride Goeth Before a Party ~ Graylu Holiday Fic Exchange

by Impracticaldemon for @condacending

Words: ~ 2100 | FFnet | AO3  @graylusecretsiblings @fic-writer-appreciation @graylu-fanfictions

Author's Note:

Unfortunately, this story was both delayed and shortened due to me being sick over the holidays and beyond. I hope to publish an epilogue shortly.  I was offered the perfect wishlist (matching my own preferences just about exactly). Here are Condacending's notes:

Characters portrayed as rational / down to earth who connect on a personal level

Witty, comfortable conversation between them and their friends

Dependable, emotionally there for each other

Moments of normalcy in their life

Canon compliant but enjoys AU spins on canon

~ Impracticaldemon

Pride Goeth Before a Party, or We All Make Mistakes A Holiday Graylu Fic for Condacending

Gray stood at the front window of Lucy's apartment watching the snow fall, arms crossed, shoulders tense, stance closer to defensive than appropriate for a comfortable night in with a much-cherished girlfriend. He managed to keep his tone reasonably even, at least.

"I thought it was just going to be the team. Natsu, Erza, Wendy, the cats… maybe one or two others."

From her seat on the couch, Lucy studied the way Gray's muscles moved under his soft navy t-shirt and concluded that things were more serious than she'd realized. They'd done pretty well in the four months since becoming a couple: disagreements had been few, tempers had been held in check with the patience granted by new romantic love, and each of them had been carefully considerate of any known bruised spots or raw places in the other. Tonight wasn't going nearly as smoothly as usual.

"Well… I thought that since it was a New Year celebration, we should try to kind of reconnect to past friendships"—and other important relationships—"and go a bit beyond the usual"—for once. Gray had always been slightly introverted, but he'd generally had fun at guild parties, and hadn't seemed to mind hanging out and having drinks with various guild members. Lucy wondered why she hadn't noticed sooner that between missions with the team, and time alone together, neither of them had been seeing their wider circle of friends much, and—

"Look, Luce, I appreciate the sentiment, but we didn't decide to invite Lyon. Or Ultear. Not that they've accepted yet or anything, but… I dunno, I just wished you'd asked for my input first. We were doing this thing together, right? And does Erza know you've invited Jellal? Seems to me they've got a complicated kind of relationship—something that isn't exactly 'kiss under the mistletoe and it's all good now'. Again—not that anyone's accepted the invitations, but if they do then what? And I have no idea where Meredy's at, but she's had a rough time of it, and we don't know what the dynamics are between her and Jellal and Ultear. Plus, aren't they all, you know, wanted criminals?"

Hearing the sarcasm edging into his tone, Gray drew a deep breath while Lucy processed his comments. Then he turned from the window, determined to do things right. That included not shutting himself away, or using words or worse to push others—Lucy—away.

Lucy did her best to stop frowning, with mixed success. Although she knew it would probably be better to keep listening right now, she felt impelled to defend herself a little.

"I'm sorry I upset you," she said carefully. "I guess I was hoping we could bring people together a little—and I kind of had the impression that you were getting along okay with Lyon these days and—"

Gray dropped onto the floor in front of Lucy, eyes fixed on hers.

"It seems like you're trying to turn our little New Year's party into something different. Are you sure you weren't just looking for a chance to get me to talk to certain people you think I should be closer to? We know each other pretty well by now, right? And I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me or for selfish reasons, unless"—he broke off, suddenly wary of saying the wrong thing. Sometimes he used jokes to keep people at a distance.

Fortunately, Lucy reached down and poked him lightly on the forehead, saying:

"Unless it involves my rent, I know, I know, sheesh!"

Since she appeared to be genuinely amused, Gray let out a puff of laughter; it was a standing joke with their team that Lucy's scruples inevitably went out the window when her rent was on the line. The mood between them lightened.

"Okay, let me ask straight out, Luce: did you invite Lyon, and Ultear and Meredy, because they're connected to me?"

Lucy chewed her lower lip and then nodded slowly. "I guess that's a big part of it. I have a much better appreciation now for how complicated it is—since Tenrou especially—and since things seem a little more settled these days, I wanted to give you an opportunity to reach out a little. Ultear and Lyon are like family to you and… I know what it's like to realize too late that you could have done something to... to make things better... and didn't."

Gray pulled Lucy's forehead against his. For some reason, touching always helped when they were talking about the hard things.

"I'm sorry about your dad, Lucy. Really, really sorry. And I can see why not getting to see him again—especially the way things were between you—made you think of me and my totally crazy sort-of-family. Ur was deceived, and Ultear was deceived, abused, and manipulated…" He trailed off, unable to continue. It had gotten a lot better since he had finally met and fought Ultear, and learned so much more of the truth. He'd begun to make his peace with her, and even with losing Ur. There was still some way to go, however. He and Ultear weren't exactly in touch.

He heard a faint sigh from Lucy, and then she pressed an apologetic kiss to his temple. She cared about him too much to ignore his pain or her own mistakes. It gave him the strength to wonder whether her basic idea was all that wrong.

"I absolutely shouldn't have invited people—especially those people—without asking you first, Gray. I'm sorry, my bad."

"You wanted to surprise me?"

Lucy looked away, cheeks turning pink.

"Yes… But seriously, given the twinge of concern that made me ruin the surprise and tell you about the invitations after all, I should have known—admitted—that there was a problem. Right?"

Gray shrugged. He wasn't one to need big apologies once something was sorted out—although it helped that he knew Lucy honestly regretted what she'd done. "You'll tell me what you're thinking next time, right? So we're good. At some point I have to stop reacting so much every time you want me to face my past and try to make something good come out of it."

"Thanks… I wish I hadn't—"

"It wasn't a totally bad idea, though."

"Such a compliment!" Lucy was smiling, despite her words.

"Yeah, I could've put that better," Gray muttered. "How about I say that upon consideration, adding some outsiders to our team party seems like a good plan?"

"We could send a quick note to Lyon asking him to invite Chelia as well? Wendy would like that."

"Okay, good thought. Besides, that way I can pretend—he and I can both pretend—that we're being polite for the sake of the girls." His mouth quirked up at the corners, as he contemplated the idea of trying to get along with Lyon in a way that wouldn't total Lucy's apartment. Mind you, Flame-brain would be there too, so there were no guarantees…

Lucy couldn't resist running her fingers through Gray's soft dark hair. Gray could get a little inwardly-focussed at times, but he was also sincere about taking his friends' feelings into account, especially hers.

"I don't know about Jellal and Ultear, though," Lucy said hesitantly. "I mean, they probably won't accept anyway—and no, I hadn't forgotten the whole 'criminal charges' thing, I just wasn't too worried about it."

"Aw, what the hell," Gray replied. Lucy could see that he was now in his "I'll take'em all on" mood, where the challenge of the situation suddenly made him want to prove to everyone (mostly himself, in this case) that he could handle it.

"But—"

"Come on, Luce, don't back down now! Besides, I don't see any graceful way out of it unless you figure I'm fast enough to silence the messenger somehow." He gave Lucy what was no doubt intended to be a murderous leer, and she had to laugh.

"Okay, then. How about: we're just trying to show how good we are at being magnanimous in victory?"

"Of course. Also, it'll play out on their side as doing something nice for Jellal and Erza—maybe. I still don't know exactly what the deal is between those two. I'm guessing that Ultear will want to give Meredy a chance to see people other than their own oh-so-fun-former-evil-doers group."

Lucy squeezed Gray's hand, and he looked up with a rueful smile.

"Yes, I do feel badly for Meredy. I think she got a raw deal. I mean, we both lost our homes and our parents the same way, but I found Ur, whereas she ended up devoted to the person who had caused all of her grief and loss in the first place. Poor kid."

"So it's actually a good thing to invite Meredy, right?"

"Right." Gray hesitated for a moment, then let go of his last desire to add "although you still should have told me first."

Lucy slid off the couch to sit beside him, silently acknowledging his forbearance, but he drew her into his lap instead. He hugged her close, and she laid her head against his shoulder.

"Thanks for not being mad, Gray. At least, not anymore."

"Thank you for giving me a chance to exercise my talent for almost-convincing excuses."

Lucy lifted her head and smiled at him. He smiled back, happy that they were in synch again. A few moments passed in enjoying each other's warmth and a few heartfelt kisses.

"So we're inviting Lyon and Chelia—mostly for Wendy's sake, as well as to avoid some of the more common Team Natsu dynamics—"

"I'll be so torn between thumping Natsu and thumping Lyon I'll be on my best behaviour," murmured Gray.

"—And we're inviting Jellal because I think he and Erza might enjoy having some time together when the world isn't being threatened with disaster—"

"Right, the happy matchmaker approach—how on earth will you keep Mirajane away?"

"—And we're inviting Ultear and Meredy because I think Meredy would appreciate a chance to get to know you better and we both think she deserves to have some fun and meet people who haven't engaged in, um, terrible acts—"

"Have you seen the way Natsu eats?"

"Yes, and you aren't all that different." Lucy tried to look contrite when Gray glared at her and the temperature suddenly dropped a few degrees, but it came out as more of a smirk. "Sorry, sorry, I concede that your manners are generally better than his!"

"Hmph." Gray drew a little icicle heart in the frosty air, although he then had no idea what to do with it.

"C-c-cold, Gray!"

The air warmed up again and Gray's little creation vanished.

"There's a metaphor in there somewhere," he grumbled, as the icicle heart disappeared. "Or do I mean a simile? I'm not sure that Ur was any clearer on that stuff than I was."

Lucy ignored his rambling.

"So we're inviting Ultear in part because we're inviting Jellal and Meredy, and in part because I think she could stand to see that a lot of us don't hate her."

"And because you think it will help me deal with things better too."

Lucy's expression became serious again. "I think she's like family to you, and vice versa. And since you are important to me, I want to do whatever I can for both of you."

"Alright, Lucy, fair enough. Just remember—"

"I will. This isn't a book, and I can't make people just do what I want, or make things turn out the way I want." The solemn expression left her face as she added: "Although, to be honest, it's much harder to make my characters do what I want than you'd think! I mean, I know it's a little ridiculous, but they can be completely stubborn about things..."

[END]

A/Note: Epilogue is intended to follow. I didn't want my Graylu sibling to have to wait any longer for this, however!

All comments and reviews are appreciated. If you see typos or other little glitches, please send me a PM through your platform of choice. \(^u^)/

Tags:  @shell-senji @eliz1369  @hakuyamazakisensei @hidetheremote @miss-zei  @lockandk3yfiction @sassyhazelowl @gsut

[x-compendiums-of-castiel-x]

Feelings

Castielxreader

Warnings: intense fluff

Words: 4,495

Summary:  You talk to Jody about your feelings for Cas. Deciding maybe its time to come to terms with the feelings and just tell him, after all, you’re in love with him.

“You sure you don’t want to come out with us?” Dean implored as he picked up his jacket from the chair. Sam, Cas, and himself had planned on going out for the night, you were going to go to but had changed your mind at the last minute.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks anyway, have a drink for me,” you smiled up at him. Cas was in the midst of putting on his own coat before you announced your dismissal. When you smiled up at Dean, you missed the small frown that began to form on Cas’ face. Cas enjoyed spending time with you, mostly because you were the only one patient enough to help him learn the ways of humanity. You didn’t get as frustrated with him as the brothers did; its not that they meant to be so harsh, they just didn’t have enough patience or time like you did.

“That is, if its okay with you,” you added, looking over towards Jody. The four of you had come to visit with her over the weekend after deciding a break was needed. Her eyes lit up and her smile was warm.

“Absolutely!” she insisted. Your smile resurfaced and turned back to the boys.

“We’ll be here then,” you gave softly, standing to hug them a farewell. It was just something you were used to doing, something you didn’t take for granted especially with the lives you all lived. Not that you noticed, but when you hugged Cas, he was hesitant to let you go. Even though they were just going out for drinks, he wanted you there with him. Though he couldn’t bring himself to ask why you had changed your mind so suddenly.

“Be careful, Cas,” you instructed, giving him a gentle squeeze on his forearm where your hand was now resting. He nodded and didn’t say a word as he followed the brothers out towards the car. He definitely wasn’t himself and you probably would have noticed if your mind wasn’t racing. This was the reason you decided to stay behind; you were in need for some girl talk asap and you couldn’t think of a better time than right now while the boys were out.

“So,” Jody began as she leaned back in her chair, “not that I mind because I definitely enjoy your company, but why’d you decide to stay behind?” Even with the boys gone it was hard for you to collect yourself, afraid that if you spoke they might somehow still be able to hear you.

“Well…,” you paused, scooting to the edge of your seat as you interlaced your fingers together, “…I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” Your body language gained her interest, she’d never seen you so nervous looking.

“Yeah, okay,” she agreed, a little to accepting. Claire and Alex talk with her, but never on a really deep level as what she would like. She knew that when they were ready they would, but things hadn’t escalated that far yet. But you grew on her just like Claire and Alex had, Sam, Dean, and Cas too. You were just as much as family as they were and she considered them her own.

“Do you think angels… well…do you think people can really change?” Your question sort of threw her off guard.

“I suppose so. I mean, under all kinds of circumstances, people are prone to change quite often throughout their lifetime.” Jody sat up, copying your frame and squinting her eyes trying to pinpoint where this was going.

“That would be more of a personality or lifestyle thing,” you whisper, cocking your head as you tried to think of a way to reword your question so she would have a better understanding.

“People can misread people but if they actually get to know them, things between them might change, right?” Looking back up at her, you awaited a response. Something in her mind clicked, thinking back to when Castiel first began choosing free will alongside Sam and Dean.

“Are we talking about Cas?” Her question brought you front and center, away from all your thoughts.

“Well…” you started but you didn’t know how to tell her. This whole subject, especially since you were finally admitting it to someone, was very difficult for you.

“Because he’s an angel,” she continued, watching you closely making sure you were both sort of following each other. Little did either of you know, you weren’t on the same page at all; though you were both in the same book.

“He was, …past tense now,” you quickly added with hope in your tone, though she hesitated a moment before speaking again.

”(y/n), you know as well as I do, angels and humans have different levels of reasonings,… however-“ you cut her off, thinking she was going a different way with the conversation.

“I know, but Castiel…he’s human now.” Jody chuckled at your swift remarks, you were really after the fact that he was human.

“Hang on let me finish; however, Cas’ view changed way before his grace was taken away. If you think he might have angel thoughts while being human, it is possible but I don’t think now that he is human he will go back to thinking the way he did before meeting Dean and Sam,” she gave, hoping to ease your mind.

“He will still take free will into consideration the way he always has. Its always had that effect on him,” Jody continued, backing up her previous statement clearly. Scrunching your brows in confusion, you began to understand that she didn’t quite catch your first question the way you had meant for her to.

“Did that… am I helping at all?” She questioned, her features easing up as she began to think that it wasn’t what you were trying to hear.

“No, you are helping. You’re helping a lot actually, just in a different view point than the approach I was trying,” you smile still having hope.

“Alright, help me out here kiddo. What is the exact question you’re trying to find the answer to?” Jody straightened her back, perching her elbow on her knee and resting her chin on her palm. Taking in a deep breath, you tried calming your nerves as best as you could.

“Well, like you said, Cas was an angel. He was an angel before he was human and like Dean says, angels are wired differently than us humans,” you state matter of factly. She paid close attention to each word that fell from your mouth, taking each piece and putting your puzzle together.

“And you brought to my attention just now, a key part of something I somehow forgot. Castiel has a soft spot for free will and humanity…” you mumble off, mainly talking to yourself than to her at the current moment. The room was silent as you processed everything in your mind, meanwhile, Jody was doing her best to figure out what she could with the little information she had.

“(y/n), I can’t help you if I don’t know everything thats going on,” she said softly, scooting closer to you and taking your hand in hers for support. Somehow, all the bad thoughts were overruling all the positive possibilities your predicament held. As you had been thinking, your head was held down so when the tears began to prick your eyes, they fell without hesitation; leaving streaks down your face. Jody hadn’t had the chance to notice until you looked up, eyes almost bloodshot in just the few moments you two had been sitting in silence. Immediately her reaction turned to worry.

“(Y/n), whats wrong?” wrapping her arm around your back, she began rubbing soothing circles with her hand.

“Do you think Cas could ever love someone like me?” Finally, the question was out there. More tears poured from your eyes as you awaited her answer. All the negative thoughts cancelling out every single one of the positives. Jody looked at you with wide eyes as she went over your question carefully. A few moments ago, you were fine and she now understood why you looked so nervous yet hopeful at the same time. But now you were a teary mess and in all of the years she had known you, she had never seen you like this; especially over someone else. In fact, she’d never even seen you with or even heard about you being with any one ever. She just figured, hunter to hunter, that you didn’t want a relationship because of how messy it could be in the life. Though now that she was thinking it all over, it all made sense. All the playful laughs, the mounds of worry, the hollowed emptiness you felt the few times Cas had been taken out; you loved him, you were in love with him. She could see it all so clearly now, you never wanted anyone else, you’ve always just wanted Cas or no one at all. And now that he was human, all your pent up emotions were trying to escape and coming to the surface. Jody noticed her slight hesitation as the realization of it all swarmed in.

“Angel or human, of course he could,” she explained carefully but in all seriousness. You looked at her through your teary eyes, finding reassurance within her.

“What do the boys think?” She wanted to know what they had told you all these years that had even gave you the slightest doubt. Wiping your eyes, you forced out a sad laugh.

“I’ve never told anyone. Not until just now,” you explained. Though you hadn’t out right said how you felt about him, you knew that she knew. Your feelings for the clueless blue eyed angel-human you’d grown to love, was out there; someone finally knew. Jody sat there for a moment, taking in what you were saying. If you had never told anyone and no one knew, she knew you trusted her enough for her to be the first you’d ever told.

“I’m happy you felt comfortable sharing this with me,” she turned her head, staring throughout the room. She was genuinely happy and a smile tugged at her lips. Seeing her smile and having her reassurance helped reset your thoughts. Glancing over at you, you couldn’t help but smile back; the both of you even began to laugh a little, happy laughter this time.

“What are you going to do?” she quirked her eyebrow up, grin still upon her face. Rubbing your hands over your face a few times before resting them back on your thighs, you pondered for a moment.

“I have no idea. I honestly don’t know,” you answered, letting out a little defeated sigh.

“Are you going to tell him how you feel?” As soon as her question left her mouth, you gaped at her not exactly knowing what to say.

“I-I…well…I don’t… I don’t think I can,” you pictured the event in your mind but you didn’t want to think about how it ended. Not because you were afraid of telling him and being rejected, but because Cas needed someone right now; now more than ever with him being human. You couldn’t ruin things at a time like this or even make it awkward. The brothers couldn’t give him the one on one that he needed. You weren’t worried over the fact of your own embarrassment, but more so over the fact that you didn’t want Cas to feel like he was completely alone; that you were just helping him because you had a silly crush on him. Of course, calling your feelings a crush was a complete understatement, Cas wouldn’t be able to catch onto what you truly meant. You were trying your best to help him but he was still clueless in some areas, not that you minded because his lack of understanding and opaque curiosity lead him to making his adorable head tilts.

“He needs me right now,” you admitted, sadly but with honor, “as a friend. I can’t let him down.” Before Jody could counteract that statement or even try to get you to change your mind, you both were interrupted.

“Let who down?” Dean quizzed, as Sam and Cas followed in behind him. Both you and Jody watched as they shrugged out of their coats, neither one of you saying anything. Once Dean sat his jacket on the back of the chair, he turned back to the both of you, Sam and Cas watched curiously too.

“Did we walk in on something?” Sam asked shyly, not wanting to be rude but feeling something was definitely off. Shaking your head no, you glanced over at Jody as she sneaked a peak over towards Cas.

“Nope,” you popped the ‘p’ and stood from your seat. “Jody and I,” you stifled a laugh, “we were just talking about a hunt I had went on a few years back. Originally I had went solo but I ran into another hunter and we wound up working the case together. I, uh, had a lot on my mind at the time but I had to pull myself together so I wouldn’t let the guy down. I was telling Jody that I kept thinking ‘I can’t let him down’, ” Four sets of eyes were glued on you, watching you with uncertainty. The room had got really quiet and your were starting to become very uncomfortable with their questionable gazes.

“Yes,” Jody agreed as she pulled her own self together. “(y/n) was telling me what all she was going through at the time. Very risky taking on a hunt like that with all of that going on. I mean, you could of died,” she looked at you as she said the last part. Everything she had just said went by the brothers very unconvincingly. They knew how careful you were and that when you were hunting, you separated your personal feelings from your work. It was one of your  things went by, especially after learning how their father had been; chasing after the yellow eyed demon. It was understandable, but very personal and stunts like that are what get you killed. Sam and Dean looked between you and Jody both, neither of them bought it and they were fixing to say something right when Cas spoke up.

"You should’ve been more careful,” he tilted his head while holding a worried expression. Dean was the first to shoot a weird look in Cas’ direction and it didn’t take long for Sam to follow his brothers move, gazing at him questionably before switching back to you and Jody.

"Yeah… thanks Cas…….I, uh,… I’m going to go get ready for bed,” you drew you brows together, blinking as you angled your head towards the floor as you walked from the room. Cas was Cas, but Sam and Dean both knew something was up and poor Jody was caught so off guard. Once you were out of sight, Jody was able to pull herself together.

“How come you’re all back so early?” her tone was smooth, not like early when she sound like she was definitely trying to cover something up. Dean caved in and Sam just shrugged everything that just happened off his shoulders. Both of them knew something was up but obviously now wasnt the time to talk about it.

“The bar closed early. We made it there right when they were closing the doors.” Dean explained, huffing a sigh of defeat. “You wouldn’t happen to have anything here would you?” Jody smiled a sly smile and carried herself into the kitchen, explaining she had quite a stock, all they had to do was ask.

“Awesome!” Dean smirked and patted his brother on the shoulder as he followed Jody into the kitchen. Sam shook his head, rolling his eyes at his brother before settling his sight over to Cas, whom was still watching the door from where you vanished.

“Cas,…you okay?” Sam quizzed seriously, following his gaze to the door and back. Castiel hesitated his response.

“I’m fine, its (y/n) I’m worried about. She seems… out of sorts,” he admitted, moving his blue eyes over to the younger Winchester. Sam nodded and thought it over for a moment before he cleared his throat.

“Yeah,… she does. I’ll go check on her,” he began to move towards your room, but Cas stopped him.

“I will go,” Cas insisted, meeting Sam’s questionable quirky gaze. Sam didn’t have proof but he felt both of you had feelings for each other but the other was completely oblivious. Cas looked away from Sam, feeling his cheeks warm at the realization of how fast he offered to go instead.

“I just figured you and Dean wanted drinks. I think I’m going to go to bed too… I can check on her while I’m headed that way,” Castiel explained. Sam smiled and as he stared at his friend, his brother, his smile only grew.

“Okay, Cas,” Sam was still smiling as he went to meet his brother and host in the kitchen. He couldn’t help but hope the both of you would see what was directly in front of you and that it happened soon; you deserved each other, you both deserved to be happy.

“What are you smiling at?” Dean questioned once Sam entered the kitchen. The younger brother shook his head with a huge smirk on his face as he shrugged off his brothers comment. As Dean continued on talking with Jody, her and Sam locked eyes; both of them realizing what the other knew. Both of them smiled as they turned to look towards the living room where Sam had left Cas, hoping…no… praying that things between the two of you would escalate, for both of your sakes.

Cas stood there for a moment once Sam had left before he began making his way to you. Once he stood still in front of your door, he hesitantly knocked and waited patiently for your answer. But you didn’t answer, which was very unlike you so he knocked again but still nothing. Worry coursed through him and he couldn’t help but open the door. Upon peaking inside, he saw the bathroom door was closed and he could hear the shower running. Since he became human, he’s learned more about personal space and privacy, so he knew better than to walk in on you taking a shower. However, he wanted to talk to you; to make sure you were okay. So he decided to sit and wait for you on your bed, his hands resting in his lap as his eyes searched the room. Eventually, he heard you turn the water off. After you dried off and dressed yourself, you realized you had left your tooth brush in your other bag. Upon opening the door, you were immediately meet with blue eyes.

“Cas? What are you doing in here?” fear coated your voice as you spoke, earning a head tilt from your visitor. Did Jody say anything? Surely she wouldn’t of…right?

“I wanted to check on you,” he answered, still unsure of why your voice held fear. You froze for a moment, a sigh of relief escaping you. Of course she wouldn’t say anything, she had your back.

“Im fine, really Cas. No need to worry,” your tone finally changed but he was still uncertain.

“When humans say they are fine, usually they are far from it,” he stated, standing and moving over to you. A smile appeared on your face but inside your heart was breaking. This was Cas for you, concerned, caring, clueless Castiel.

“Cas, I’m good. I promise,” giving him a quick smile, you slid past him so you could grab your toothbrush. You could feel his vibrant blue orbs glued to you, watching your every move. Once you opened your bag, you found your toothbrush and Cas’. You’d forgot that you grabbed his, knowing he’d forget it himself. Pulling them both out, you turned and walked back towards him.

“Here’s your brush,” handing over the brush, he watched you for a moment before taking it.

“I…I forgot to grab it,” he responded, looking it over before peering up to meet your gaze.

“Yeah… I, uh, I…I thought that you might. I used to forget mine all the time. It takes a little while to remember it,”you ensure, trying to be as polite and nice as you could be. . “Thank you,” he tried a small smile, but you just still didn’t seem yourself.

“You’re welcome Cas,” you responded, giving him a fake smile, he noticed but didn’t have time to respond to it.

“Im going to brush my teeth and then hit the sack. Im kind of tired,” you explained and he nodded. He knew he wasn’t very good with this yet. He wanted to cheer you up, but something was definitely dragging you down. Giving him another fake smile, you walked past him again this time heading to the bathroom. You began applying your toothpaste to your brush and it was that moment Cas realized he had forgot his toothpaste too.

“(y/n)?” he questioned softly. Glancing up in the mirror, you met a reflection of him in the other room. “I forgot my toothpaste as well…,” he stated blankly. For some strange, unknown reason you found his statement comical and found yourself giggling. Turning his head he watched you for a moment.

“Why are you laughing?” he asked unsurely. It took you a minute to compose yourself enough to form a comprehendible sentence.

“I-I-I dont-I don’t know,” a sincere smile plastered on your face as you tried to calm your laughing. Seeing you this way, back to your normal, happy self made him happy and he found himself smiling too. “Come here Cas,” you invited him in and scooted over for him to use the sink too. It wouldn’t be the first time you had brushed your teeth together, you used to do it all the time when you were showing him the proper way to do it; also making sure he didn’t eat any more of the paste. He ran his brush under the water for a second before applying the paste, then ran it under once more before both of you began brushing your teeth. It wasnt until now you were self conscious about spiting back into the sink. Last time, you didn’t care honestly, but now…now you realized and didn’t deny yourself the true meaning of what you had been feeling for him. Talking with Jody earlier made you come to terms with it. So unlike the last time when you brushed your teeth together, you covered your face and bent down lower towards the sink, making sure the water was running to wash everything down the drain.

“Why are you doing it like that,” Cas questioned curiously.

“Because its gross Cas, you don’t need to see it,” you informed, suddenly so astounded by how insecure you were about it. He watched you for a moment before copying exactly what you had done.

“This isn’t how we did it last time,” he admitted, making you turn to stare at him for a second, another smiling appearing on your lips.

“Well last time was different.”

“How so?” he questioned. Immediately your face turned bright red. What were you supposed to do now? Tell him? Thinking it over for a second, you rinsed your mouth out again and washed your brush our before answering him. That way after you told him, you could escape to the bed and hide from him in the covers. After all, you thought about it for a while now, especially while you were soaking up the hot water when you were in the shower. If you told Cas how you felt, do you honestly think he would be mad at you? Or even not be around you anymore? It was Cas… and Cas has never been mad at you before; upset with you, yes, but never angry.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to be mad and you can’t not be my friend any more, okay?” you insisted, declaring it anyway so that if there was a problem, he knew it was going to be sorted out in a way that wouldn’t change how you both were with each other; that you would still be friends. He watched you for a moment, eyeing you as he ran his brush under the water to ‘clean’ it.

“Why would I do those things towards you?” he tilted his head, brows knitting together as he placed his brush beside yours on the counter.

“I don’t know Cas… I just…” (just be honest (y/n)!)- you thought.

“Im in love with you,” you stated simply, staring at him for a moment before walking past him as he took in and sorted through your words. Pulling back the covers, you climbed into the bed. Cas seemed to be frozen still in the bathroom because you hadn’t heard him move a muscle. You laid there on your pillow, eyes wide open. There was no way you could go to sleep right now. So you stayed awake, snuggled in the blanket, ears open waiting for Cas to do something. But he didn’t.

“Cas… just forget about it, okay? Go to sleep.” you pulled the covers over your head, stomach turning on itself. What had you done? Why did you have to say it? Why did you have to tell him? The next thing you know, you hear him turn the bathroom light out and walk over to the door. This is it, he’s going to walk right out the door and you’ve just ruined everything. Turning your light off, he shut your bed room door and your heart sank. Beside you, the bed sunk, sitting up you tried to see what he was doing, you thought he had left.

“Cas, what are you doing,” you question. Instantly his lips are on yours, his stubble grazing your smooth cheeks. Lifting your arms up and around his neck, you pulled him to you. Your mind reeled, wondering what all he was thinking, but you couldn’t help but loose yourself in him; he was everything you’d ever wanted and he was giving himself to you. Before you knew it, Cas pulled away gently, placing his forehead against your own and you whined at him for pulling away too soon.

“Cas,”you complained, arms still around his neck.

“I love you too, (y/n),” he admitted before kissing your lips one last time before he kissed the tip of your nose and then once on your forehead. Cas pulled you in, tight against his chest; holding and cuddling you. This night was going to be the first of many. You loved Cas. Cas loved you. You needed each other. It was that simple.

[lost-your-memory]

Supergirl calling Cat at 4am. "We just rushed Katherine to the hospital!" You know how I love your angst right? Thank you Gane!

Hi dear. Now, this isn’t too angsty but it’s not happy either. I tried to stick to the characters because I really didn’t want to be OOC for this. Let me know if you like it!Little warning : minor character death.

It’s her quiet but persistent ringtone, that wakes her up.She groans, out of reflex, before opening her eyes and looking at the numbers the digital clock atop of her nightstand. It takes almost a full minute for her vision to stop being blurry with sleep and when she can finally make out the time, she stares.It’s 4 am on a Sunday morning.Her first thought is for Carter and she instantly feels her heart squeeze in her chest. It takes her two seconds to remember he’s sound asleep in his bedroom, at the end of the hallway.It’s only then that she can breathe again.The sound stops and she looks at her phone with a frown between her eyes. It rings again barely a minute later and she recognizes the ringtone this time. It’s a part of the song Over the rainbow, sung by Kara herself. Cat had recorded it without being seen on one evening when she had come home earlier than planned. Kara had been singing while cooking and Cat hadn’t been able to resist it.Since then, it’s the ringtone for when Kara call.Which she is doing right now, Cat realizes as she stares at the picture of Kara’s smile displayed on her screen. She reaches for the phone and picks up, already asking “Kara. What’s wrong, are you okay?”She still can’t shake the feeling of fear whenever Kara flies out of the window to save the day. Even though she is well aware that her lover is gifted with many superpowers, like being bulletproof for example, she worries and she’s never at peace until Kara is back in her line of sight.“I’m okay, Cat. I’m okay but … I’m in the hospital.” Kara starts and she sounds anxious, there’s an unusual edge in her usually bubbly and sweet voice. Cat’s heart drops again in her chest and she’s thinking irrationally for a few seconds, before remembering that Kara can’t go to a regular hospital. The realization makes her frown.“Did you blow up your powers again?” She asks and it’s a little sharper than she wanted to sound.

“Hum no I’m actually here as Kara Danvers-Grant this time … Cat, it’s your mother. She’s just been rushed into the ER.” Kara answers, slowly.Cat blinks and takes a look at her phone, wondering if she’s heard Kara right. She frowns and then puts it back against her ear.“I’m sorry, did you just say my mother has been admitted in a hospital?” She asks while looking at her clock and wondering if she’s still asleep and only dreaming that improbable conversation.“Yes.” Kara simply answers and Cat blinks again. She sees the minute change, going from 4:25am to 4:26am. Kara takes her silence as an invitation.“She’s in town for the week, something about an author throwing a big thank you party and she’s the guest of honor … A big fancy dinner really, with cocktail dresses, tuxedos, lots of champagne and French food … Apparently, she had a stroke towards the end, before dessert.” Kara explains, slowly. Her voice is calm and neutral, the unusual edge is gone. “They tried to call you but you wouldn’t answer so … they called me. I have no idea how they found out my number but they did. I was coming home after having handed an alien to the DEO when I got the call, I went straight in the hospital and I’ve been trying to call you ever since.”Cat stays silent, contemplating the strange calm that took over as soon as Kara talked about a stroke.She thinks life, and death, have a strange sense of humor.She’s always thought that her mother would die like she’s lived, in a grand show, making a lot of noise and holding on to her audience. She’s expected some kind of very rare and very long disease that would make Katherine looks like a martyr, something the woman could shove into everyone else’s face.After having suffered for so many years of her mother’s omnipresence, Cat never thought her mother, the person she often calls the wicked witch of the East, could just be gone in a matter of minute.“Cat? Babe, are you still there?” Kara asks and her voice is soft and tender. Cat focuses on it.“I’m here, I’m just … Surprised.” Cat settles for that word after a slight hesitation. It’s the truth, after all. She’s not angry, she’s not shocked, she’s not even worried, not in the slightest.“Uh … Do you want me to send a car to pick you up or … or do you want to stay at home and I will call you as soon as I know more about her condition?” Kara offers and Cat is tempted to jump on that solution. She knows it’s planned, of course. Kara thinks she’s being subtle but Cat just knows it.“I’ll be there in half an hour. I just need to wake up Carter and …” Cat trails off, a little unsure of what to do with her son. She doesn’t want to submit him to the stress of the situation and she absolutely doesn’t want him to ever put a foot in a hospital if he doesn’t need to.“Alex offered to come and keep an eye on him, that way you don’t even have to wake him up. She’s waiting for your text, she’s in the neighborhood.” Kara supplies and Cat marvels at Kara’s ability to always anticipate her every needs. She shouldn’t be surprised by now, not after their five years of marriage and seven years of being a couple.“Oh, that would be ideal yes. Although, I will wake him up to let him know what’s happening. I don’t want him to wake up to find Alex in the penthouse without having explained anything to him.” Cat replies and she can hear Kara’s hum of approval.“Okay babe, I’ll see you soon then. I will text you the information you need to find me and if I learn anything in the meantime.” Kara says and Cat hears a shuffling noise in the background. She narrows her eyes and purses her lips.“Kara, are you filling my mother’s medical paperwork?” She asks and it sounds threatening, she means it.“Hum, I, well, I know everything and I, you know … I figured, you know, that way it’d be something you won’t have to do?” The girl of steel stammers and stutters and Cat can’t help the smile that comes grace her lips. She wants to be mad at Kara for being so helpful and kind to someone who doesn’t deserve it but she knows it’s in her lover’s nature. It’s just how Kara is.“Fine.” Cat sighs. “I’ll be there soon.”“I love you.” Kara simply answers and she hangs up before Cat can reply.—In the car driving her to the hospital, Cat only sighs.Carter had been unhappy to be forced to stay in the penthouse when she had explained the situation to him. She swears he’s got something of Kara, sometimes.He’s kind, generous and his endless capacity to forgive always takes her aback. She doesn’t understand how he could forgive all the years his grandmother had missed on, the cold birthday cards, the absurd presents, the last minute cancellations and Katherine Grant’s whole attitude, barbs and criticism included.Her phone buzzes with a text and she smiles at the picture Alex just sent. It shows Carter, sound asleep on the couch and the TV in the background is playing The Wizard of Oz.It has become Carter’s favorite movie, ever since he listened to Kara explain why she loved it so much. Cat herself had warmed up to the film.The realization suddenly hits her that she doesn’t have one single happy memory of her childhood with her mother. She has some with her father, snapshots of happiness that keeps her company when she feels lonely or nostalgic but she has none with her mother.Cat lets out a dry chuckle.She’s come to accept the fact Katherine Grant never loved her.—“She’s still in surgery, they say they need to give her a new heart and …” Kara explains but she stops when Cat laughs. It’s so out of place, in the glowing waiting room of National City’s Hospital, that a few people frown at them and the looks thrown their way are outraged.“Cat?” Kara asks, confused and a little alarmed. Cat is still smiling when she focuses on Kara, taking in the worry in the deep, deep blue eyes, the anxious frown above them and the way she was biting her bottom lip, a tell-tale of concern.“It’s funny that she would need a new heart … I wasn’t aware she had one in the first place.” Cat smirks but her tone is devoid of all trace of humor. It makes Kara think twice before speaking again. She looks nervous this time, Cat notices.“Hum … They don’t have any … compatible heart at the moment so …” Kara winces when Cat starts laughing again and this time, they both hear the disapproving grumble of a few people. Kara swallows and then finishes “She might not make it out alive, Cat.”Cat tilts her head to the side and she looks right into Kara’s incredibly blue eyes. She sees worry, she sees love and she sees patience, with a sparkle of anticipation. It looks like Kara, sweet, lovely, incredible Kara, is waiting for something and Cat frowns because she can’t think of what.Then, it hits her.The full weight of life.It falls on her shoulders and takes her breath away. She feels her heart stop, her mind goes blank and some white stars blurry her vision. It makes her knees wobble.Kara’s there, in a split-second, putting her arms around Cat’s waist and Cat clings to her, curling her shaky fingers in the back of her wife’s pale blue shirt and holding on to it for dear life.She realizes, in the middle of her panic attack, that she is not ready to let go of all her questions, all her regrets and all that desperate need to know she is actually loved.—She falls asleep around 6am, curled in Kara’s arms on one of the uncomfortable plastic couches that fill the hallways and the waiting rooms across the whole hospital.She doesn’t sleep well.Her slumber is full of images that come straight from her memories and it’s half a dream, half a souvenir and it’s never happy. It often ends up with her being sad, frustrated or desperate for her mother’s approval, her mother’s affection, her mother’s attention. It’s all about her mother and when she wakes up at exactly 7:15am, she feels weak, confused and lost. She hates it.She leaves the comfort of Kara’s arms to go search for a coffee.Kara doesn’t try to stop her.She’s in the cafeteria and narrowing her eyes at the coffee choices when her phone starts ringing. Hit me with your best shot is the ringtone Carter had selected for Alex and the picture shows a funny picture of The Scarecrow, from the Wizard of Oz musical. Kara had been the one to put that image up to replace Cat’s initial choice of a Keep calm and pick up meme.“Yes Alex? Is Carter okay?” Cat asks immediately, a little worried about her son.“Relax, Carter is still asleep, I managed to carry him to his bed and he’s still sound asleep. I am making pancakes but I haven’t heard from you guys for a while so I was just … checking in. Are you okay, Cat?” Alex asks, rather bluntly but Cat is used to it by now. She actually finds Alex’s attitude refreshing.“So far, nothing and yes, I’m all right, thank you.” Cat answers, a little on edge because she’s exhausted, anxious and ready to kill for a coffee.“Listen, I know you have a shitty relationship with your mother.” Alex never tries to embellish things, it’s a wonder how Kara can be so sweet with a sister so brutally honest sometimes.“She’s in a bad shape and she might not get out alive but Cat, it’s okay if you don’t forgive her. It’s okay. You don’t have to erase years and years of unhappiness and bad memories just because she’s dying. Kara won’t tell you that, she’s probably going to try the opposite direction at some point and that’s why I wanted to call you. Whatever you feel, Cat, it’s valid and legit and it doesn’t have to change because she’s your mother and she might die.”Cat stays silent for a while, taken aback by those words. Alex doesn’t push and it allows Cat to realize how true it is. She’s scared she’ll never know if her mother actually did love her at some point but Alex’s little speech makes her think she can live without that answer. She doesn’t need to act like everything is forgiven just because Katherine Grant might die.“I … Thank you, Alex. I think you’re right, Kara might try to convince me I need to at least talk to her. She has a different point of view and we both know why that is.” Cat whispers, softly. She hears Alex’s groan of agreement.“Yes and it’s okay too. Whatever you want, whatever you need. Do what’s best for you, Cat. Not for a woman who made you feel like shit your whole life.” Alex states and Cat is torn between smirking or wincing at the bluntness this time. She opts for the first one.“Thank you, Alex. I’m going to get a coffee now and I’ll call you if anything changes.” Cat says and once Alex has acknowledged her, she hangs up.She’s calm, quiet and strangely at peace with herself when she comes back upstairs.—Katherine Grant dies at 8:30 on a Sunday morning.She goes without any fanfare and her last words were for the host at the party, something about the low quality of the Champagne.Cat thinks it’s typical.She’s calm and quiet on the way back to the penthouse and she can feel Kara’s concern, it’s radiating around her like a halo of heat vision. She thinks she should say something but she has no idea of what.Cat doesn’t know what to say to ease her wife’s worries because she doesn’t feel anything.Emptiness is the first word she can think of to describe her state of mind.She’s exhausted from too little sleep but not from her emotions because there isn’t one. No anger, no sadness, no bitterness, no fondness, she’s not even relieved. She probably should feel guilty for the last part.She doesn’t.—“You don’t seem affected, at all.” Kara says and her voice is soft and tentative as she sits on the couch next to Cat.They’re watching a movie Cat doesn’t even remember the title, nevermind the plot and Carter’s voice is echoing in the background, coming from the kitchen. He’s on the phone with Winn about a video game that just came.“It’s because I’m not.” Cat’s answer is clear and true. Kara looks at her and she tilts her head to the side, wonder etched across her features.“Kara, honey, I know you wanted me to at least try to talk to her in the end but … I don’t think I needed to. Katherine Grant was my mother yes, I know how you feel about this but you have to understand how I felt. What I had with my mother, it wasn’t just a bad relationship. It was deeper and worse than just a bad relationship, it left scars that I am still trying to overcome today, wounds that will never fully heal. I was, I still am, entitled to those emotions and I just didn’t see the point of pretending everything was fine just so she could die in peace.” Cat explains and she’s careful to be gentle and open because she knows how much of a sensitive spot it is for Kara.“I was never the daughter she wanted me to be, I made peace with that fact a long time ago.” She finishes with a soft smile, without any trace of regret of bitterness.Kara’s eyes seem to stare in the void for a moment but then she only shrugs and curls closer into Cat’s side.Cat takes it as a sign they’re okay.—The funeral is quick and not many people show up.It’s simple but elegant and the tombstone is beautiful.On the way back to the penthouse, after all is said and done, Carter suddenly starts laughing uncontrollably.Cat and Kara exchange a look of alarm and wonder.Kara is about to ask if he’s all right when Carter just starts singing.“Ding Dong! The Witch is dead … Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch! Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead …”

[becomingforeverfamily]

The boys are HOME!

written by Kara:

I can’t believe it’s been four weeks since our parents came home with Miles and Miller. It’s been hectic, which is why we have not updated our blog until now. I’m excited for the opportunity to share with you how God has been moving and how you can be praying for our family.

Mom and Dad had a great trip to Taiwan. They had opportunities to share the gospel and our story of adoption with others. They were able to see God move in tangible ways. On one of the last few days they were in Taiwan, they had a final appointment with the American Institute in Taiwan (AIT) for a visa interview. If you read the last blog post, you’ll remember that the Lord worked a miracle to ensure that my parents could have their fingerprints updated in time for travel and this final meeting. (Scroll down to the last blog post entitled “Miracles and Fingerprints” to read more.)

However, the day before the this final meeting in Taiwan, they were told that the AIT had not received those fingerprints directly from the US. They were told beforehand that these copies had been sent, and Dad even showed the social workers the copies of the forms. However, the people in Taiwan needed files directly sent from the USCIS. Dad’s copies would not be sufficient. Plus the AIT office was preparing to close for Chinese New Year— meaning if they didn’t receive the fingerprints within 24 hours, our parents would have to wait over two weeks for another appointment. It also meant they would not be able bring the boys home. This naturally brought on a lot of stress for our family. What would we do if this happened? We honestly had no solution, so once again we had to trust that the Lord would provide.

Kyle and I shared the news with people who had been praying and following our updates, and we had (literally) over 100 believers back in the United States fasting and praying for a miracle. We anxiously awaited the verdict, trusting God to bring this work to completion. As a result of this “hiccup,” my dad was able to share with non-believing social workers about the power of Jesus and that God would work this out.

Around 7:00pm the next day (an hour before their appointment), Dad sent us the following text:

Satan lost and the body of Christ won the spiritual battle today. AIT says they received the appropriate paperwork and we are on our way to our Visa interview now! Please thank the body of believers for interceding on our behalf. Praise God and may He have all the glory!!!!!!!! “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.” 2 Corinthians 10:4

All the paperwork was completed during the meeting, and they were ready to start their journey home. All four of them did well traveling and made it to Birmingham, Alabama, safely where Kyle and I met them in the airport. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to put that day in words. I was excited, anxious, overwhelmed, filled with joy, and freaking out all at once.

Mom, Dad, Miles, and Miller spent the night in a hotel in Birmingham, and on Friday all of us went to Tupelo. There we were welcomed with flags, posters, and a waving welcoming line of family, friends, and neighbors. Our street was packed with cars and families, ready to show us love by welcoming us home. A few minutes later, there we were. A family of six standing right out front of our home with followers of Jesus surrounding us. We bowed our heads as prayers were lifted up. I literally sobbed. The church is so beautiful and I thank God every day for the community and support he has placed in our lives during this season.

It’s now been four weeks, and the boys have adjusted remarkably well. The Lord has also granted our parents strength each day. Of course I can’t include it all, but I’ve written a few excerpts about each of us below. Hopefully this will serve as a general update and give you ideas of ways to pray:

Miles— He is so musical! Which makes my heart incredibly happy. He has enjoyed picking out tunes on the piano, listening to music ALL the time, and singing! He is definitely an athlete. Whatever kind of ball, he can dominate. He has made some friends in the neighborhood and started school this past week. He is such a sweet big brother. Although he loves to aggravate Miller, he cares so deeply for him and is helpful when needed. There are days that Miles misses his friends in Taiwan, but he truly loves having a “MaMa” and “PaPa” as well as older siblings.

Miller— He is a HOOT! He is silly and loves to play… all. day. long. He loves laughing and making others laugh. Miller will literally walk up to us at the most random points of the day and just wrap his arms around us. He loves to be hugged. He recently has began playing air guitar to every song that comes on the radio. He falls asleep each night repeating “I love you MaMa, I love you PaPa” and has such a compassionate heart. He has been a little hesitant about school but is beginning to warm up to his (amazing) teacher and friends in the classroom.

Tami— I have started referring to her as “MaMa” now, too. She is a rockstar. The Lord has given her an incredible amount of strength, patience, love, and grace in these past few weeks. Speaking from experience, she truly is an incredible mother. She is nourishing and caring, and has bonded more easily than expected with both boys. She has stayed busy each moment of the day, but life will slow down once the boys are even more adjusted. (At least that’s what I keep telling her. Shhhh, if you think differently don’t say it to her. Ha!)

Ronny— Also known as “PaPa”. He is the best. Also speaking from experience, Dad is the most loving, gentle, hilarious, and selfless father a child could ask for. After work each day, he plays with the boys. He is their “bike-buddy” and occasionally starts Nerf Gun games. The boys often fall asleep holding dad’s hand.. what a beautiful reminder of the Heavenly Father’s love for his children! Dad loves being their father, and he often “shows them off” to co-workers and friends.

Kyle and Kara— Kyle is studying in seminary and I am working in Birmingham. We plan to go home on the weekends as much as we are able, but we take full advantage of FaceTime while we are away. To be honest, both of us have felt some spiritual attacks and anxiety as we face a “new normal.” We are excited about what God is doing, but that does not mean it is easy. We are absolutely in LOVE with Miles and Miller and truly are thrilled to have them part of our family—forever!

We ask that you will remain in prayer for our family! I’ve included a few points below that can guide you. Church, we love you. We could not do this without you. Thank you for your amazing love and support.

Pray for Miles as he works through the grief of leaving his friends and culture in Taiwan.

Pray for Miller as he transitions to full days at school.

Pray for both boys as they continue to learn English and make friends. 

Pray for Mom and Dad to have wisdom in parenting on a day-to-day basis.

Pray that Mom and Dad are able to find moments each day to rest and be still with the Lord. 

Pray for Kyle and I as we transition in this season of change.