#I wonder if that area has increased sensitivity

[juodojimirtis]

Both Adreala and Avadriel would involve so much adoration of the Halo scar... Adriel's feather-light caress of his beloved's naked back, him tracing the very tips of his fingers over the scar. Him leaning down, and pressing his lips to it. Him nipping at it and licking it as he makes love to her.

[motomamita]

pervert!könig × pornstar!reader

warnings: +18, smut, sextape, könig cums in his pants, let's imagine that his mask has a hole in the area of ​​his lips., creampie!

part 1

könig was tempering, he didn't know if it was from nerves or excitement. as his large body approached the door of your hotel room, he couldn't help but wonder if you were as beautiful as in the videos, and more importantly, if you could have feelings for him.

his legs almost gave out as you opened the door and smiled widely at him. surprisingly you approached him to hug him, surrounding his muscular body with your arms. all your delicious aroma invaded him and he could feel every part of your body on his.

könig tried to say something but only moans came out of his mouth that he tried to hide. he felt discomfort in his crotch and it didn't take long for him to notice that he had just cum in his pants. all your fault and your beauty.

when it was time to record, you were already on the bed, wearing a transparent night gown and with your look that almost made könig finish for the second time. he put on his mask and prepared to fulfill his greatest dream: fucking you.

könig pounced on you and began to kiss you roughly while his large hands ran over your skin under the night gown. his fingers dug into your skin, marking it and making you moan against his lips.

"fuck it, I need to fuck you now."

in a quick movement könig put you face down, as if you weighed nothing. out of desperation, he tore your night gown, leaving you exposed. he placed a pillow under your belly, making your back curve as delightfully as he was used to seeing you in the videos.

könig buried his nose into your pussy, sniffing your scent and sucking clumsily in an attempt to make his cock not hurt you so much. from the videos you had seen, könig had a tremendously big cock and the way he fucked his fleshlight had given you the idea that it was going to hurt.

he tried to hold back and slowly enter you but to no avail. his first thrusts were deep and fast, making you moan and forcing you to grab onto the sheets. you could feel every vein and how his cock throbbed inside you, stretching you painfully delicious.

könig grabbed your hips tightly and moved you as if you were his fleshlight, fucking you on his cock. with each thrust the tip of his cock kissed your cervix and your ass hit hard against his muscular legs.

you turned your face to get a good shot for the camera and noticed how könig looked at you with a lost look, almost as if he were in a trance while he automatically fucked you. totally immersed in the pleasure that your pussy gave him.

you moaned his name, getting his attention. könig looked at you for a few moments before grabbing you by the neck and bringing you towards him, crashing your back against his chest. he continued fucking you but now his eyes were locked on yours. in a loving act, he gave you a sweet kiss on your forehead.

suddenly, he came out inside you to turn you over and place you on your back. you couldn't react when he was now fucking you again with your legs over his shoulders and his cock stretching your sensitive pussy.

könig was out of his mind, totally clouded by pleasure and almost completely forgot that tou were filming. he buried his head in your breasts, licking and biting your nipples while your nails scratched your beefy back.

"im gonna cum, im gonna cum.."

he moaned painfully into your chest, increasing his thrusts and placing all of his weight on top of you. by that time you had completely forgotten that they were recording and you let yourself be carried away by the pleasure.

it only took a few pushes for könig to end up inside you, just as he had dreamed of so many nights.

after a few minutes, when you tried to see how the recording turned out, you noticed that your camera was not recording. you didn't give it any importance and you proposed to könig to record again, believing that it had been your forgetfulness.

if only you had realized that könig turned it off so he could fuck you as many times as necessary.

[sirfrogsworth]

Whenever I see an up-and-coming Youtuber I notice they often make the same mistake. When the time comes to increase production quality, the absolute first thing you should do is invest in improving your sound. Not the camera or the lens or lighting or set design. Audio quality trumps all of that. People being able to understand what you are communicating should always be the highest priority.

And the cool part is you can do this with a cheap lav mic. There are some that can just plug right into your phone. The next priority is learning how to set levels and make sure your voice isn't distorting from being too loud. You can even record a little quiet and bump up the levels later on. But if you record too loud to begin with, you can't fix that.

After that you can "treat" your room. Which just involves controlling echo and reverb. Foam acoustic panels are expensive and not necessary. You can do the same thing by just filling your room with stuff. Furniture, books, blankets, pillows. You want to eliminate large flat surfaces. If the sound has to bounce around on 20 different surfaces before it comes back to your microphone, it will have much less energy.

You can also figure out which wall is the biggest echo offender and hang a couple of heavy blankets in front of it. If you can score those moving blankets on the cheap, those work great. And if you can put a gap in between the blankets that will further reduce echo/reverb. You don't have to cover the entire wall, just the main area in front of where you are speaking. If you can reduce that very first reflection, the sound will have much less energy to bounce off other surfaces.

All that said, sometimes people will go overboard with sound and buy that giant phallic SM7B dynamic microphone. I see those things everywhere. Yes, Michael Jackson used it and it does sound great. But with so many quality USB mics that plug straight into your computer, it is a huge hassle and really overkill unless you just enjoy audio tech and want a cool toy. The SM7B requires extra equipment to make it sound good. It's XLR so you need a special interface. And most people add a "cloudlifter" because it isn't very sensitive and can be really quiet without it. Plus, dynamic mics need to be super close to your mouth and I think covering half your face with a giant mic isn't the best visual. There are lav mics in a wide spectrum of price ranges that can be hidden and sound great. Or you can do a shotgun mic like they use in movies. It can be hidden offscreen and pick up your voice from a distance.

Big dynamic mics are great for people with baritone voices. If you are James Earl Jones and you want to show off your voice, the SM7B or something similar makes more sense. Beyond that, most of your viewers just want clarity. Good room treatment and a $30 lav mic can achieve that pretty well. And if you watch a few tutorials on how to EQ and process audio, you can do a lot to make a cheaper microphone sound great. Reaper is a wonderful audio program with professional features and a reasonable price.

TLDR... fix your sound first!

[yuri-is-online]

Ooohhh any head cannons with malleus! Yutu and how diasomnia reacts to them?

Ah yes the banished Prince.  I was wondering when I was going to get an ask about him, and I admit I am a bit surprised it was only the one unlike a certain other prince. It's rather fitting to come back to Yutu posts with him though, there's a great deal of tragedy to be had with Malleus in this ayuu.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, for context on the fyuuture kid au can be found here and here. SPOILERS FROM BOOK 7 ON HOW DRAGON FAE REPRODUCE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

I've mentioned it before but Malleus! Yutu plays by half elf rules.  He's very young looking, he's around the same age that Yuu is, whatever you think that is, but he looks around 15 at most and shares his father's eyes and teeth.  Even in your world he had a reputation for being quite baby faced, this annoys him quite a lot, though he keeps his outrage to a brief pout if the person talking about it is Yuu.

Yuu remembers Malleus being their best friend, someone who was socially awkward due to isolation and came off as intense and scary because of it.  They go to great lengths to try and encourage Yutu to make friends, but the public opinion of them as weirdos really hinders this and is only increased as Yutu matures.  This Yutu doesn't like people very much, he grows up assuming everyone is mean and overly judgemental and that he will never be truly accepted for who he is no matter how hard he tries.

Being born in a different world does not make him any less of a Draconia, though unlike his father he is less prone to rage and more to long periods of melancholy; he is very much that sensitive goth kid with reams of bad poetry he will want to burn when he gets older and a love for rainy days. He has a deep love for classical poetry, music, and old clothes. If the area where Yuu lived had a ren faire then you can best bet Yuu took him there as a special treat more than once, he loves seeing all the medieval outfits and activities. He's explored every cemetery your town has, knows all of it's weird rumors, and any fun history stuff that might have happened in and around it, something he retains when transported to Twisted Wonderland. There are few people who know more about the history of Night Raven College than Yutu Draconia, for better or worse.

His interest in the macabre effects how he sees his parent's situation. While other Yutus might have needed time to adjust to the idea of magic and curses, Malleus! Yutu always firmly believed in it and assumed that was exactly what had happened to his parent. He went back and forth on his beliefs about his father, as a small child he thought of his father as a wonderful person who loved his parent so much that he must be searching for them surely, and that any day now he would swoop in and fly Yuu and him away to where they really belonged. When that never happened he began to wonder if maybe his father saw his relationship with Yuu as a mistake and that their memories had been altered purposefully to hide his identity. Whatever the truth, Yutu has decided that his loyalty is to Yuu, and that no matter who is trying to harm them he will hunt them down and have his revenge.

He announces as much to Crewel after he arrives in the mirror chamber, magic sparking at his finger tips as he roars it with a force he didn't know he had and immediately starts hacking at how dry his throat has become. It's very cute and not as intimidating as he might have wanted, but his point comes across well enough. Diasomnia is extremely pleased to have a Draconia back in the Housewarden's seat, though Yutu is less than pleased with this new position of authority.

The transition of being a hated outcast to the rightful King of a literal fallen kingdom is jarring. Learning of his father's controversial marriage to Yuu, of the uproar caused by their disappearance and his father's outright refusal to ever give up hope that his child and spouse would return is heartbreaking. Silver and Sebek had standing orders to go to them when not if they did, that's how badly his father wanted to believe he would be back. He was barely able to live with himself without them, but he had to. He had a kingdom relying on him, and someone else too.

We have gone back and forth in these posts about giving Yutu a sibling, but Malleus! Yutu absolutely has one. Dragon fae create eggs from magic and their partner's love, so in this scenario Malleus and Yuu decided to have two children, one that Mal would nourish and one that Yuu would. Technically, the Crown Princess is older than Yutu, but since she hatched from an egg she matures even slower than he does. She did grow faster than her father, the ability to transform into a human came much more naturally to her because of Yuu's love, but she doesn't look or sound much older than six. You are insane if you think this means she thinks of herself as the younger sibling though, her egg was older by two whole years so there! That means she is in charge! So Yutu absolutely has to stop learning boring "political smience" or whatever and play with her RIGHT NOW. She's wanted to meet him for so long TᴖT how dare her little brother deny her TᴖT look at her she's so cute how could he even think of scolding her TᴖT oh jail for brother jail for 1000 years TᴖT

Yutu might hate socializing and have a negative view of people but he absolutely adores his sister and thinks of himself as the big brother. He lets her claim to be in charge in the same way Malleus let Sebek do whatever he wanted because he finds it amusing. It is not uncommon to see the King in Exile holding court with the Crown Princess on his lap, rocking her softly as she naps. It helps solidify his control over what remains of Briar Valley, they might have been skeptical about having a half human King who cannot even transform into a dragon, but his professed dedication to his father's legacy of sacrifice and the clear adoration of his sister make his authority tough to deny.

Speaking of sacrifice, going back in time was hard for Malleus! Yutu. He felt there was absolutely no way he could bring his sister back with him because of how young she was and he was skeptical of whether or not it would even work. If it didn't he would be depriving Briar Valley of a king again, but if it did well. Then he would never need to be king in the first place, which Yutu finds reliving. While he did step up to the task, all he ever really wanted was to live with his father, Yuu, and now his sister in whatever way would have been normal for them. Sure, that normal turns out to have been quite abnormal, but that doesn't mean he still does not want it.

When the Once and Never King sees his father he has maybe more information than any of the other Yutus, even those who had met their dads. He conducted lengthy interviews with both Silver and Sebek, compiling a great pile of notes that he went through over and over again trying to come up with a strategy. All of that planning goes out the window when they actually meet, Yuu asks for permission from Tsunotarou to introduce the two of them, thinking it would be nice for both him and Yutu to have more friends and Malleus is just intrigued enough to say yes.

So this is a dragon fae. It's the only thing Yutu can bring himself to think when he sees Malleus, the other, more intense thoughts and emotions are distracted by the fireflies that accompany his father's arrival. They're beautiful, he can't remember having seen anything like them before, certainly not in his future. His father looks at him in brief surprise, and magic tingles up Yutu's spine. It's similar to the feeling he had when he first saw his sister, like recognizing like and seeking to form a connection. It hurts to shut himself off, but he smiles and focuses on his humanity as he puts forward his hand. "Hello Mr. Tsunotarou, I'm Yutu." The smile that stretches its way across Malleus's face is pure amusement, he must have really liked this ruse. What did Yuu think about that when they learned?

"My the humans of your world are certainly brave." He shakes his hand proudly, clearly pleased at the normalcy of Yutu's treatment but still painfully unaware how to be normal about it. "I am deeply pleased to make your acquaintance."

Malleus adores Yutu. There's just something about him that activates a part of him that he wasn't aware of before, and while he doesn't understand what those emotions are he recognizes his increased need to be protective of Yuu for exactly what it is. His mind thinks of Yuu as his mate, in body and soul, and that does terrify him slightly. Yuu is so tragically human, they'll die if he takes them home. They'll die if he lets them go to their home. They'll die if he never says anything at all and lets his love rot out his heart alone in his tower while they freely move through the world without ever having known of his emotions-

I haven't given much thought as to how I would want a Malleyuu confession to go down, but I could see them starting a sort of awkward courting process where Malleus takes them for long, late night walks in the forest to slow dance alone, brings them roses and handcrafted jewels he silently begs for them to wear to show just how close they are getting- but however it happens there is at least an understanding that there is something between them by the time Yutu's disguise is knocked off and he's forced to come clean.

It's a reveal Malleus does not take well. Oh not that he hates his son, he is overwhelmed with such a powerful love and joy at the mere concept of his existence he could never- no it's the fact that his future. His happy ending, that he fucking deserves after everything that his family has been through, was robbed from him and he wasn't able to do anything about it other than go to sleep? Him? The most powerful mage (fifth actually but he doesn't care about that) in existence couldn't stop that? Unacceptable.

After Yuu gets him to calm down and soothes the brewing thunderstorm they both are very focused on the well being of their child. I feel like both Yuu and Malleus would want Yutu to have a chance to just enjoy himself, for him to take off the crown he was never meant to have and just. Breathe for a moment. That's part of Malleus's motivation for introducing him as his son to the Diasomnia gang, he wants his child to have a chance to have some fun with his Uncles and Pee Paw Lilia.

Sebek bursts into tears when he learns of Waka Sama jr's existence. I think he feels a sort of kinship with Yutu, they're both half fae and they both have a deep respect for Malleus. He's very shy when he sees how much respect Yutu has for him. He's surprisingly humble when Yutu thanks him for protecting him in the future, insisting that he was just doing his job. He likes listening to Yutu play the piano, I could see Yutu trying to teach Sebek how to play an instrument, partially to spend time with him and partially just because he is curious as to how tone deaf Sebek can be.

Silver is deeply concerned about Yuu and Yutu's safety. He organizes with Sebek and Lilia to change up their patrols to include defending the new members of the royal family . He is a bit confused as to why Yutu wants to just hang out with him when all he really does is train, but he also is glad that the little prince is willing to train with him and take Silver's concerns about his safety seriously. I could see Silver apologizing for not being able to defend his parent, genuinely distressed about his situation and Yutu being a bit awkward about it. He never thought to blame Silver ever, why would he? Yutu is not unused to Silver's kindness, but it still overwhelms him. It's a pure sort of love that challenges what Yutu thinks about the world, and he doesn't know what to do with that.

Now. Mr. Pee Paw. Lilia is probably the most excited out of the entire group, look at this kid. You see him? Living physical proof that humans and fae can get along! If a Draconia did it then you can too, Grandpa Leven would be so proud! The future is concerning sure, but now that he knows about it he can plan for it. Lilia might be old, but he is still has some fight left in him, and he is very happy to use it on securing Malleus's family's future.

Yes, he does try to cook for Yutu. He wants to make him a birthday cake because he insists that they should throw him a party even if it isn't his birthday so he can have one with his Pee Paw and Dad. Yes everyone forces Yutu to distract him so they can make sure they've got something edible. He's so sad about it, how could they, jail for the little prince, jail for 1000 years.

Malleus is overly confident about his ability to change the future. Failure isn't an option as far as he is concerned, he will find the person who dared to corrupt his perfect future and he will have his due. His son will never have to live in a world without him, and he will never have to live in a world that rejected Yuu. Someone clearly needs to be reminded of just who Malleus Draconia is, and that memory will not be pretty.

Bonus

So the little crown princess. She learns that her idiot younger brother is planning to go back in time without her and she is very angry about this. How dare he, she knows he can't do anything without her so she makes sure to tag along anyway.

I toyed with the future kid reveal coming from her just marching up to Yutu and giving him orders, but I also like the idea of the Draconia family finding her lost in the woods crying because of how distressed she is that she can't find her little brother. Either way she doesn't understand the need for secrecy and wants to spend every single second she can with her parents. She causes a lot of rain when she finally gets to meet Yuu in person, she had so many dreams about meeting them and now they're real and she can hug them- she's just got too many emotions in her little body send help.

The Draconia family has pretty easy to follow naming theme, but I wasn't too certain about what names to give Yutu and his sister. I like the idea of Princess Draconia being named Mallia after Lilia but I am less certain about Yutu. In my notes Miss Princes was just called Princess Tamago because she hatched out of an egg. That's not her name but I could see that being something Yutu calls her.

[w2beastars]

Waezi2′s thoughts on “Beast Complex” chapter 24.

Paru is back at it again!

Meet South the Iguana.

South is a twenty-nine year old lizard. Saying he is an alcoholic might be an exaggeration... but he very much have an alcohol problem. Having sensitive skin and living in a very warm area, South needs to stay hydrated, but he choose to mainly drink beer instead of water. Partly because of how it affects his skin but also o make it easier for him to not think about his problems.

But then his excessive drinking is cock-blocked by a penguin inside the beer fridge... Still not the weirdest thing I ever wrote.

Yeah, a baby penguin somehow ended up in the store where South gets his favorite brand of beer. To stay cool in the very warm area South lives in, the little guy is now inside the beer fridge and refuse to leave. Begrudgingly, South takes the little penguin to his small apartment so the shop can stock up on beer again.

Having a guest in his home for the first time in ages, South realize that his place is not just dirty, it is rather empty. He sleeps on a mattress, has a fridge for his beer and food and a microwave oven for his meals. His home is about as pathetic as he is.

As South thinks about how his life is kind of a fart, we learn something... shocking about this iguana.

Something that you have never seen before in Beastars OR in Beast Complex. Something so odd that you might find it revolting. It will make you wonder if Paru was even more unhinged than she normally is while making this comic!

You see, South...

... was in a relationship with a female WHO IS THE SAME SPECIES AS HIM!

Trust me, dear reader. I'm as shocked as you are! A Beast Complex character who was NOT dating an animal completely different from them?!

What madness is this?!

Okay, seriously speaking.

We get some good ol' Paru symbolism as we see that South's life has for a while revolved around his fridge. Or rather, what is inside it. It got out of hand to the point that his (same-species?!?!?) girlfriend dumped him and his boss feeling so sorry for him that he makes him take a break instead of downright firing him.

So South drinks when he gets anxious. But his increasing drinking makes him more anxious, which results in him drinking even more, making him more anxious and so on. As he thinks about his boss and ex, he once again gets "thirsty" and practically tears his fridge oepn.

South would probably end up as a drunken waist... if not for his new "roommate."

See, the thing about depression is that you often ends up alone, either because the people around you lose their patience or you choose to be alone. And when you are alone with a minimum of interaction with the real world, you stop caring about the small things like cleaning your home, a proper diet and your economy.

Best thing to do is actually to be useful somehow. Like doing voluntary work or getting a pet. Or in this case, a penguin in your fridge. If you are of use for someone else, you feel a little better about yourself.

And that's what South is to the baby penguin he has named Sam(a reference to the Japanese word for "cold"). The two of them can't really talk since Sam is a sea animal and has a entirely different language.

Whenever South has his panic attacks and go for a beer, he is instead met by the fluffy little bird in the fridge. So South has to clean the fridge for penguin poop and also spend extra hours in his part-time job since he spends more money on electricity because of Sam being inside the fridge. As the days pass, South finds himself acting like, well... a functional adult.

One day, South gets a reason to panic again as he realize that Sam is losing his white coat and looks skinny instead of fluffy.

If you know a thing or two about penguins, then you will know that there is nothing to worry about. But South knows jack shit about these birds, so he rush him to a hospital on his bicycle.

On their way, they pass the ocean... and we get this majestic moment.

There was nothing to worry about, Sam is just growing up and losing his fluff, finally ready to leave his nest and get in the ocean.

A pair of dolphins are luckily near and South has managed to learn to speak a little sea language so he can ask the dolphins to escort the young penguin to Antarctica.

Despite Sam having left his apartment, South still have a little of Sam in his fridge as the penguin sends him letters on pieces of ice.

So South's life still revolves around his fridge so to say, just in a much healthier way.

This was such a nice tale about a guy rebuilding his life by having to be dependent for someone else.

... Even if South is a freak, dating a fellow iguana. BE A FURRY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, SOUTH!

I'm Waezi2, and thanks for wasting time with me.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Yandere Buddha nsfw headcanons please

Minors DNI

-First and foremost- despite his possessiveness over you, he would never- ever hurt you, other than maybe slapping your ass if you get bratty during sexy time.

-His possessiveness increases 100x in the bedroom, or wherever he decides to take you, be it the living room, bathroom, kitchen table, there is no surface in your home that he hasn’t laid claim to you on.

-Buddha likes to take things slow, savoring you, be it having you straddling his face so he devours you as if you’re the most delicious candy in the world until your to the point of passing out, or thrusting into your body at a slow pace, riling you up to the point where you’re in tears, begging for more.

-He loves the power he has over you, keeping you pinned beneath him, and he loves hearing you beg for him, seeing you so desperate for him. That’s the best part.

-However, you can get him riled up, either teasing him out in public, or acting extra flirty around home but not letting him touch you- to the point where he will drag you home if you’re out and about, or pounce on you at home and ravage you until you’re unable to move- giving you exactly what you wanted.

-If you want to act like a brat, he’ll treat you like a brat, but he knows you love it.

-There is one thing however, that will make his possessiveness skyrocket, and that’s if he sees someone else flirting with you.

-You would never flirt with someone else; you were loyal- Buddha knew this, but he would always get so infuriated when others wouldn’t respect that you were taken.

-If someone was bold enough to flirt, or stupid enough to put their hands on you, after the major ass beating that they would earn, Buddha would immediately have you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and take you straight home.

-Despite your pleads and desperation that you were innocent, which he knew was true- because you were his good little snack, he would spend hours marking every inch of your body, sucking kiss mark after kiss mark into your skin until you look like you’ve been attacked by mosquitos from your neck down.

-There wouldn’t be a single inch of you that wouldn’t be marked, and while he’s marking you he’s digging his fingers into your most sensitive area, drawing orgasm after orgasm, all while whispering filthy things to you, “Only I can fuck you this good!”, “I should fuck you out where everyone could see who you belong to- you would like that, wouldn’t you Y/N?”, “You’re mine! Mine! MINE!”

-By the time he’s finally calmed down, good luck being able to move even a pinkie toe. However, he will clean you up and take care of you, doting softly on you, feeding you and cuddling you, helping you calm down as well, all while praising you on how well you did and for being such a wonderful and loving partner.

-Buddha wasn’t going to let you go- you were far too delicious.

[lysa1201-saucy]

hi can i request body worship with jumin han? tyyy <3

Hiiii sorry this is super late, life is crazy and I’m still trying to learn how to write NSFW better (which is why I’ve taken these requests lol) and also trying to learn how to write GN reader to be more inclusive!

I hope this is good or at least is good enough LMAO I tried my best 🙏 Thank you SO much for the request 🥰

if it’s bad, no it wasn’t, it’s my birthday, be nice 2 me

++++

Never Seen Anything More Perfect - Jumin Han x GN!Reader

18+ ONLY

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Warnings: body worship (obviously lol, unless I’m a terrible writer and did it wrong cuz oops), oral but I keep body parts ✨ambiguous✨, marking, and some hand stuff idk handjob i guess idk

Word Count: 418

++++

Jumin was quite the attentive man. Always spoiling you, caring for you. Too cold? New jacket for you, a new blanket, want a heater? He’s got it. Bored? Here’s a new TV, some games, subscriptions to your favorite streaming services, quite anything you like.

He loves to spoil you. However, he has one area he likes to spoil most.

Your body.

God, he loves your body. Your eyes, your nose, your lips, your hair, your ears, your neck, your chest, your arms, your hands, your ass, your thighs, God the list can go on and on. He’s in love with you.

Every single part of you. Every inch. And he loves to show you that.

He had you moaning on his bed, sucking where you’re most sensitive as he went down on you, making sure you feel the absolute best. You look so perfect when he’s making you feel so good. You tug at his hair, confused on whether you want him to pull away and fuck you, or to keep going and let you cum all over his face.

“You’re so amazing,” he would praise you, leaving kisses all around your pleasurable space. “So perfect… can never get tired of how wonderful you are. Your sounds, the way you blush, the way you cum… always so satisfying. My favorite thing is you.” He would go on, kissing all over your body. Your thighs, your hips, your chest, a small suck and nibble on your nibbles, and his favorite part: your neck.

God, he loved your neck. Sucking on it, biting it, kissing it. And your jaw. He needed all of you, who was he kidding? “I could stare at your body all day. I want to kiss it all, mark it all, you’re so fucking perfect.”

“More perfect than Elizabeth the 3rd?” You chuckled a bit, testing him. In response, he moved his hand down to your groin to start playing with you, causing your chuckle to be replaced by a moan.

Jumin smirks. “More perfect than Elizabeth the 3rd… just don’t tell her I said that.” He smirks as he leads his kisses up to your ear, nibbling on the earlobe. You try to let out another giggle, but all he does is increase his speed and the pressure of his hand to once again replace it with a moan.

Finally, his lips moved to yours so sensually, his hands moving around to touch all of you. He loved you. Everything about you. Inside and out.

++++

I accept constructive criticism, just be nice im sensitive and it’s birthday you legally HAVE to be nice to me today

[sshadowritestoriess]

Hey! Do you think you could write some NSFW headcanons for Widow, Mercy, Kiriko, Lifeweaver and Genji (gender neutral afab reader) please? Feel free to ignore if that's too many characters or if you just don't want to do it. Have a great day, and don't forget to drink water dear author!

Sure! I did my best, sorry they’re all so short. I just didn’t want a super long post 😅

Widowmaker NSFW

She can quite literally take you out in ‘one shot’— you’re not certain how exactly she does it, but she touches you in all the right places in quick succession and finds exactly where you need her most in just an instant. You’ve lasted about thirteen seconds at most with this technique of hers, and it was quickly banned from the bedroom unless you asked for it

She’s a very hard biter, like she doesn’t realize she needs to be a bit more gentle. You often wonder if she thinks she’s actually going to inject venom into your bloodstream this way

Eerily quiet responses toward any pleasure, even if you’re doing everything right she makes it hard to tell if you’re doing anything at all. So she tends to be the one in charge, that way you don’t end up questioning your capabilities or doubting her reactions

A slowed heartbeat seems to increase her stamina, though. It’s only somewhat annoying, especially in addition to her lack of emotion toward intimate times. But you refuse to believe she’s not feeling anything at all, either— otherwise she wouldn’t be stepping on you ‘for fun’ unprompted, or initiating half of these encounters

Mercy NSFW

An unpredictable switch— everything that happens in the bedroom is a flip on a coin based on what she’s feeling and when. You never know if you’re about to give or receive, but either way it’s extremely rewarding and it’s hard to discern any complaints out of a night with Angela

She is pretty vocal, makes the nicest noises and lewd sounds you’ve probably ever heard. She definitely sounds like an angel, and it’s worth every touch to hear her sound off while completely red in the face

Maybe a bit too in love with pegging you. As a doctor and being very knowledgeable about the body, she’s rather enthusiastic toward loosening you up and talking about safety before giving you the ramming of a lifetime. Certain recommended positions even relieved your back pains somewhat, to your astonishment

She highly prefers to schedule these exchanges, rather than doing them on a whim. She refuses the ideas of quickies or anything with risk— especially in communal/public areas. You’d need to absolutely guarantee no one will be walking in or she might not ever forgive you for the embarrassment

Kiriko NSFW

Absolutely a brat, and we all know this. You’re not getting anything done without force or a trade, and she clearly relishes in those methods— always a “no” or a “why”, and then the “what will I get in return?”

Hugely into degrading and she’ll meet you halfway, criticizing your every move as if it doesn’t have her writhing in euphoria. She’s mostly in control of the sounds she makes, but when you get enough of a rise out of her the high-pitched noises are totally worth the struggle to get them in the first place. But she tries really hard to pretend like you don’t have an effect on her

She totally abuses her abilities to make you both finish faster, and especially against your will if you intended to take your time. Everything she does in bed is completely in spite of you— you’re fighting to earn the outcome you want, so hopefully you’re up for that kind of challenge

Her attitude is to make up for her low libido, and especially in her inability to last very long. She’s super sensitive, but she’ll never admit it. You’ll figure this out sooner than later though, and she’ll put up even more of a fight with a smirk on her face before you get anywhere near the brink of relief

Lifeweaver NSFW

Undoubtedly has a preference for being on bottom, but absolutely more than capable of being a top if he’s in the mood for it.

He’s sort of a pillow princess, likes having all the work be done for him. Much more of a receiver than he is a giver, but only in intimate moments— he’s much more giving outside of private moments that heavily lack clothing

But he is extraordinarily talented with his mouth, and he knows this. Yet he won’t offer such services without being asked politely, which must include a ‘please’ or he may remind you of your manners. It’s all in good fun though, he likely wouldn’t have refused either way (please ride his face)

He makes a lot of sounds, though they’re always muffled by his hand or pillow— or you. He also super loves using rope for things, like being restrained, and shibari. He gets more excited when he’s trapped and vulnerable in front of someone he likes

And while he’s a gentle top, he makes sure to return every favor you’ve given him on the occasions he does take over. These sessions last significantly longer than when he’s on the receiving end— edging turns out to be a specialty of his. And along the way, he’s more than happy to remind you of your previously indulgent behaviors

More Genji NSFW

Genji is still Genji, and even under all that metal he’s still pretty full of himself. So he totally, secretly, has a mask kink, and goes a bit feral when you wear his helm along with a lingerie or something else enticing (maybe even his hoodie lol). There’s just something about seeing his own visor on you that makes him want to pounce

I don’t imagine he’s super into wireplay/anything that has to do with his mechanics, but he’s not against it. He’s fine with it enough and appreciates you’d find these parts of him just as attractive, it just doesn’t get him going as much as other things do. He will happily indulge you though.

He’s dangerously easy to arouse. Drop one hint, playful or not (but only after the first few intimate exchanges) and he will find someplace to make it quick. Of course, he’s fluent in consent, so he’ll back off if you really were only joking. But otherwise you may often find yourself getting that super-enhanced-ninja special in the strangest secluded areas

And he makes it his job to make sure you cum before he does. On occasion he slips up, and if you’re competitive like that then it can be pretty 50/50. But he praises himself as a gentleman who treats his lover with the utmost care, and will deliver to you everything he has before taking you for his own pleasure

[fluffymary]

So i've been thinking within the Tickle AU how the grab pack and the hands themselves would work...I feel as though they'd still have their own original purposes...only these hands were special kinds created by The Doctor while tickling was starting to become something new for the toys...and his curiosity growing if the employees would be of the same mind of indulging and trying that fun. As the Factory was abandoned for the toys to have it as their home, these special hands still exist in small amounts cleanly presented in prep or rest stations...with some added modifications that fit within the AU in itself some of the context within this would add up with the ideas Tech had (Like for the red smoke full credit to him) that blends well with how the hands can work...plus science in itself with electricity conduction and vibration propulsion

1. Blue and Red Hand: As with the original game, can help in unlocking doors and allowing access to specific areas and grab onto and hold a multitue of items and surfaces...specialty for these hands in this AU however can be shifted to the protagonist capable of controling the fingers of the hands themselves. This entails that the Grab-Pack can be used as a tickle tool with the basic hands should they wish...but should The Doctor be capably of hacking the Grab-Pack's systems...it can be used against the protagonist very very quickly

2. Green Hand: As in the original game, this hand is capable of Conducting electricity into it and converting it into a harmless form of electricity capable of powering isolated area's within the Factory. This harmless form of electricity is like a harmless lightning in a form of speech, meaning that the hand can administer soft ticklish shocks akin to that of the lowest setting on a Tens Unit...capability of giving toys ticklish shocks...or a certain machine should curiosity arise.

3. Purple Hand: Like the game, the purple hand has the ability of launching a protagonist to higher area's within the given hand pads around the factory, assisted by the jet's on the grab pack that helps protagonist's fall. The Purple hand in this version is given the aspect of vibration to assist in the launching of the protagonist, making it a massager hand capable of vibrating at ticklish rates.

4. Flare Hand (Mist Hand): Similar to the game, the flare hand is capable of shooting out "flares" from its finger, only these flares are small balls of light that dim after a few minutes of being shot, similar to small light bulbs that only last a few seconds. Within this version of the hand however...the protagonist picks up an attachment that allows them to switch ammunition between the "flares" and red smoke ammo. This red smoke ammo is similar to harmless paint dust that has the same affects of increasing sensitivity and inducing greater lee moods...a beta version of the red smoke that is without the hallucination trait that was "left behind" by The Doctor...or perhaps left for the protagonist once they delved into the Factory...and wondered if they would indulge in the same fun as the toys themselves

AND WHATS THIS?! ITS TWILIGHT WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!!

[ask-icancraft-it]

Love Bite

(( A little late, but here's a little fic to wrap up spooky season! Tamora catches Felix by surprise after the annual Halloween party. NSFW.

Tagging some pals! @bashfulgnome, @sadboytristan, @sgtcalhouns))

Felix chuckled as he walked by the various fake cobwebs and felt spiders in the hedge maze the Nicelanders had put together, giving it one last lookover to ensure everyone had made it out and gone home. 

“Hello—” a deep, sultry voice just about made the handyman jump out of his pixels as he rounded a corner. Before him was a tall figure shadowed by the leafy walls, with two icy blue eyes that appeared to glow as they stared downward. “A little morsel has walked into my trap.”

“Tam–aah!” Felix didn’t have time to recover from his scare as he was engulfed in a red and black cloak. And when Tamora freed him, he found himself sitting atop a bale of hay with her dark silhouette looming over him. 

She leaned forward, the moonlight illuminating her pale skin and shimmering in her golden hair. Her red lips curled into a devilish smile that revealed her thirsty fangs. And as she inched closer to her prey, she paused when something prodded her chest. 

Felix adjusted his grip on the wooden stake he held between them with a smile of his own. 

“A bit dangerous to choose a vampire hunter as your mark,” he said smugly, adorably thinking he had the upper hand. 

Tamora let out a chuckle that sent a shiver up his spine and wrapped her red-tipped fingers around his. “Dangerous for who?”

He put up a decent struggle but was no match for her strength as she pinned his wrists against the hay bale. She dipped her head low, grinning at how his lips gravitated toward hers, even as she pulled away. 

“I know you hunt for pleasure, not glory…but I can give you both.” Tamora muttered, eliciting a red hue across the handyman’s cheeks. His grip on the wooden stake loosened, letting it slip away from his fingers. 

She had him pegged; this was absolutely happening. Felix only hoped no poor sprite would come looking for them as they played this out.

The blonde brought his wrist to her mouth, kissing it tenderly before very lightly introducing one of her fangs. She could feel the handyman’s pulse grow faster beneath her lips and reveled in the desperate look on his face. Leaning forward, she indulged him with a proper kiss. 

Butterflies erupted in his chest, and he held her cheek to keep her there for more. Tamora smiled, ending things off with a little nip. Felix gulped as his lady focused elsewhere, trailing her teeth from his ear, past his jaw, and down the soft column of his neck. 

“I wonder how you taste…” she uttered against his skin, making the 8-bit tremble. 

He shed his faux leather coat and untied the top of his white ruffled shirt. He then pulled the loose collar to one side, baring his shoulder. 

Tamora scouted the exposed area with her thumb. “Here?” she confirmed. 

“Yes,” Felix’s voice shook with excitement, his body sensitive to every little touch as he anticipated her next move. 

Kissing the agreed spot, Tamora held his right hand, intertwining their fingers. Her breath against his skin gave the handyman goosebumps, and he gasped as he felt her teeth slowly sink in. 

“Oh, wow…” Those two words and the starry-eyed way Felix would say them never ceased to amuse the sergeant. Almost like he was drunk off the high the sensation gave him. 

She increased the pressure, eliciting soft whimpers and bated breaths. The gloved fingers laced with hers tightened, and she held, releasing when the handyman quickly loosened his grip. 

Felix let out the breath he’d been holding with a moan, his pleasure only growing as Tamora doted on that same spot after. When he came down from his bliss, Felix lay limp against the hay, as though his lady really had feasted on his blood. 

“That good, huh?” Tamora smirked.

“Goodness, yes,” Felix tittered, followed by another bubbling of soft laughter.

 “What?” 

“We always get up to the strangest, most wonderful things,” he explained, feeling the indents along the meat of his shoulder. “I wouldn’t have it any other way…Thank you for being that person with me.”

“Oh, so it was that good,” Despite her joking tone, the blonde’s eyes sparkled. “Seems you’d like to stab me with something other than a stake.”

“Tammy!” Felix laughed through the shock, his face a cherry red. “Oh, Mods…”

“Let’s see what you’ve got, vampire hunter,” Tamora attempted to pull at his belt with her teeth, but her veneers slipped away from the leather, falling out of her mouth as her head jerked back.

“Fuck,” she mumbled, failing to catch the false fangs before they bounced off the handyman’s lap and onto the lawn below. “Damn it.”

Felix erupted in another fit of laughter. “I love you,” he expressed once he caught his breath. 

“Love you too, Fix-It,” Tamora sighed as she came back up after grabbing her fangs off the ground. “I guess that concludes our fun in the maze?”

“Yeah…I’m startin’ to realize we could still be seen by most of the upper floors.” Felix sat up, fixing his shirt. He noticed her soft pout and lifted her chin with his hand. 

“Oh, Tammy, you’re still my vampire queen,” he affirmed. And while it was nearly impossible for him to be vulgar, he tried his best. “Let's go home, and I’ll…show you my ‘hunting kit.”’

“Yes sir,” the blonde smiled.

[girlwithletters]

I'm empty without you

Pairing: Jude Bellingham x you/ femReader /Minna/ or whoever you want

Warnings: I do not know. Does anyone need a warning?

"My hand, without your hand, like a flower without fragrance.

My lips without your lips are like dawn without dew.

I'm empty without you, like the seas without water.”

Left-right, left-right, left-right. My legs did their work automatically despite my fatigue, which covered my body like an invisible shroud. I could barely keep my eyes open, not even the lights shining in the darkness of the street made it easier. It was three o'clock in the morning, and besides me, a few lonely passers-by were hurrying home or wherever they had to go. The weather wasn't in my favor either, I couldn't even see my nose in the thick fog. As if I were blind, I tripped over a piece of concrete.

And which was the peak of peaks... Valentine's Day was getting closer, and at my workplace, in a cafe, more and more couples in love appeared wanting to cuddle. I didn't hate this day, I just had bad memories of it. I don't like it, huh! My cell phone rang in the depths of my bag, and I stopped right where I was, digging into my bag up to my elbows. I completely forgot about research, I didn't hear the roar of the fast approaching engine. It appeared practically out of nowhere, and the wind caused by the two-wheeler blew me away. I found myself on the hard asphalt, my head hit hard, the contents of my bag scattered in all directions of the world.

The worried face of the tall figure cast a spell before me. Maybe from the world of fairy tales? The dark prince on the machine horse.

- My God! Are you okay? - he knelt down to me. His deep voice even made me swoon, it hit me like a lightning strike, just like his touch. The furrows of his fingertips burned tortuous labyrinths into my skin through my clothes, his brown eyes darkening even more with worry. My God! That face is too familiar! My stomach clenched like a ball, and my heart jumped up and down alternately.

- Yes, thank you - I would have gotten up, but he didn't go alone. He reached under my arm, supported my back and willingly helped. His touch burned, and I expected my clothes to end up like ashes next to my shoes. Just like long ago, maybe back in the Stone Age, on those wonderful nights in Madrid. He was JB, i.e. Jude Bellingham, a football player of the Real Madrid football team. But I didn't want to think about the feelings of that time, so I escaped from the biker's arms. I made a hasty decision, I felt dizzy. I would have fallen backwards, but he caught me and pulled me to his chest. Our faces were millimeters apart, I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. He didn't remain indifferent to my proximity either, his dilated pupils and increased breathing showed it. I suddenly pushed him away, but pain shot through my elbow. I caught it, my palm touched a bloody wound.

- Minna! You're hurt! - the cry burst from Jude's throat.

- It's nothing, it just needs a patch - I shrugged, but then I hissed, my sensitive joints indicated the problem.

- It's nothing! - he disparaged, his forehead covered in a sea of ​​wrinkles, while he stroked my side looking for painful areas. The fog couldn't hide the redness of my face, and he noticed it too. - You are still beautiful! - his mouth stretched into a smile, his gaze fixed on my lips. Will you kiss me? My eyes closed involuntarily. The silent spell between us was broken by a screeching brake.

- Is something wrong? - an unknown man ran up to us.

- Nothing happened, I just tripped and fell - I tried to reassure him. I bent down for my scattered things, tried to avoid sudden movements.

- He should be seen by a doctor - Jude's worried voice made me look at him more carefully. Nothing has changed. He towered almost a head and a half above me, his long legs covered in jeans and his broad shoulders in a leather jacket. For a moment, our eyes merged again, we even forgot about the people standing next to us.

- No need, no problem! - I protested.

- Then let me bandage your wounds - Like before, I couldn't resist his request, no matter what it was. - Come! - And I willingly followed him to his motorcycle, then looked in amazement at the other crash helmet conjured up from somewhere. - I always have one more, just in case…

I hugged his waist and sat on the motorcycle behind him. A thousand thoughts were swirling in my head, so I didn't even look where we were going. We stopped at a house closed off from the outside world and prying eyes by a high fence, the electric gate slammed shut behind us. Jude greeted the security man who suddenly appeared with just a nod, then pressed the lock key into his hand.

- Whose house is this?- I turned to him.

- Mine. I bought it back then... - When we were still together, I added in my mind. Would this palace have been there for 2 years? - But... Why didn't you sell it? - Silently, without answering, he went through the door, I hastily followed him. He sat me down in what looked like a living room. I looked around curiously until he came back with the first aid kit.

- It will sting a little - Jude broke the silence as he approached my elbow with the antiseptic cotton. A bit? I'm going to scrape the wall! Biting my bottom lip hard, I tried to stifle my hiss. Failed. - I'm sorry.

- It didn't hurt at all - The waves of his laughter bounced off the walls, my sensitive ears greeted him as familiar. A pleasant shiver ran through me. - Please, Jude! Do not do it!

- What? - Those wonderful brown eyes widened in a moment of wonder, then narrowed to slyness in recognition. The vibrations coming from him and his touch made the muscles of my body twitch in wailing. The pounding of my heart in my chest shifted into a higher gear. - My Dear! Just give me one, one kiss! - he sighed into my mouth, sucking the air and my remaining energy from him. - Just one - That's all i want, just one. Nothing else.

I, too, could never count well.

When he kissed me, everything stopped. Involuntarily, I wrapped my arms around his neck, helplessly succumbing to the attacks of his lips.

- Jude, let's stop it! - I gasped for air. - This is not allowed, it is not right.

- Why? - he clung to me again, his hand on my back, then he grabbed my bottom and pulled me to him, his erection giving bright evidence of how much he wanted. His mouth was already on the hunt for my neck, burning a glistening trail of saliva into my skin. - Mine! You're mine! - he bit my shoulder, marking me with his teeth. By tomorrow, my skin will surely heal. - Only mine!

- Don't! - I moaned one last time, protesting a little.

As much as I had decided earlier that I would not give in, I must admit that I collapsed at the touch of him.

I clung to him tightly, wrapping my legs around his waist without thinking.

In the next moment, already in the semi-darkness of the bedroom, I felt the soft material of the blanket on my naked back, the possessive grip of his fingers on my hips, his satisfied growl in my ear.

- I missed you! - I heard his choked, wheezing voice later. - Every night I dreamed that you were lying next to me. Then, startled, I looked around and you were nowhere to be found. I'm empty without you.

- I love you, honey! - I leaned over him, he pulled me down by the back of my head.

( just the usual : english is not my first language )

[crush3dmary]

I wasn't going to post about this because it felt too vulnerable, but I think that might be what I need right now. 8 years ago today I attempted suicide and came the closest I've ever come to succeeding. These are my reflections on 8 years.

On September 27th, 2016, I took a month and a half of lithium and came the closest I’ve ever been to succeeding at killing myself. At the time, I saw it as just another failure to add to my ever-increasing list of them. Now, I don’t know what I think, but I’ve learned things since that have not brought me peace.

At the time, I had been suicidal for weeks, and I had a detailed plan for how I’d finally do it. I struggled through shift after shift at my shitty, dead-end retail job where I faked a smile, wondering if anyone could tell that beneath the exterior, all I wanted was to die. But we need to take it back further than that for anyone to really understand. This is the most vulnerable I will ever let myself be.

I am a psychiatric survivor, and I am also a victim of severe abuse, primarily sexual. I choose to think of myself as a victim rather than a survivor because since the age of 14 I’ve felt like a shell of a person in ways I don’t feel regarding my medical trauma. My internal scarring is so severe my ob/gyn says I will likely never have children, and I have damage to my parietal lobe from having multiple concussions in the same area of the brain. When I finally disclosed to a psychiatrist what I had been through, she told me it was one of the most severe cases of abuse she’d ever seen. That is all I will disclose of my experiences until my abuser has left this earth.

I have been diagnosed with everything you can think of at one point or another. My medical records practically recite the DSM-V. Right now, my diagnoses are bipolar-type schizoaffective disorder, borderline personality disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, but I don’t care what label you want to put on it, because at the end of day, I am a product of my experiences.

I grew up as the oldest of three (now four, as I have a baby half-brother now). Growing up, I didn’t understand how my two younger sisters could handle their emotions, but I couldn’t. Every single thing I felt, felt like it would drown me. I experience all my emotions as physical sensations that I can feel throughout my entire body, and it manifests as literal chronic pain. My entire childhood, it was “stop crying”, “nobody else is upset about this”, “I don’t understand what the problem is”, but that’s the theory behind borderline, isn’t it? Borderline personality disorder is what happens when you take a sensitive child with big emotions and consistently invalidate them over and over again. As such, they never learn how to deal with their strong emotions and they turn inwards on themselves. That is exactly what happened to me.

My emotions cause me literal pain. It hurts every day. When my BPD gets triggered, it feels like my veins are on fire beneath my skin, like someone is trying to claw their way under my ribs, like there’s something inside of me that feels so horrible I just want to die. I am a lifetime self harmer, because it’s the only way I am able to bring myself down in those moments - to take the emotional pain inside of me and make it physical the only way I can. I’ve accepted by now that I will never stop.

The first time I had an intrusive thought about suicide, I remember being 11 years old. It has not stopped since. That’s where the suicide-type OCD comes in - I live every day with graphic intrusive thoughts about all the ways I should kill myself. This happens even on the best days of my life, it’s there, waiting to taunt me, to tell me that I should just die and here’s how I should do it. I have thought about suicide every single day for almost 20 years. The first time I made a plan was at 11, and my first attempt was at 14. I am chronically suicidal.

The first time I died was in 2016. That September, I was so overwhelmed with all the things that had happened to me and everything I’ve spent almost my entire life having to live with that I made a plan. I thought I would never get better. On September 26th, I went to the psychiatric emergency department at St Joseph’s in Hamilton and told them I had a plan to kill myself, and that if they sent me home, I would act on it. They did not take me seriously, because why would anyone trust another manipulative, hysterical borderline? Dr. Janet Alice Patterson, who I still partially blame, told me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, gave me a very strong dose of a sedative, and sent me home. 

When I got home, I took all the lithium I had and called 911 so that the paramedics would find my body instead of my family. I spent four days hooked up to machines, and as far as I’m aware my heart actually did stop briefly, but it’s not like I can remember most of those four days I spent in the ICU. What I do remember was waking up not knowing where I was, not even being sure if I was alive or if this was hell, because there’s no way I’d be going to the other place. Around me was a doctor and a gaggle of residents who weren’t much older than me, all looking at me like I was an animal. The doctor asked me a few questions to determine whether I was still at risk to myself, and then she turned around and talked to the residents about my medical history as if I wasn’t even in the room. I could hardly respond after having a tube down my throat. This was the lowest moment of my life, and I was a case study to them.

After that I did trauma therapy, three rounds of DBT, and CPT. I tried medication after medication, and I improved my situation. I went on to get a degree in social work and finished with a 90% average. My former diagnosis of PTSD was rescinded. I was considered “recovered”. Do you know what I learned from all of that?

I learned that no, actually, it doesn’t get better. I thought if I did all the right things my chronic emotional pain would go away, the daily (sometimes hourly, sometimes half-hourly) intrusive thoughts about killing myself would stop. I thought if I did what all the doctors told me, I’d “get better”. And I did. But I don’t like what “better” ended up looking like.

Sure, my situation improved. In fact, I pretty much have my dream life, in some ways. I have a fulfilling career and my dream job, I have a wife who loves me, I have a cat who sleeps at the foot of my bed, I have a fancy piece of paper I can put on my wall to show I graduated from college with distinction. I should be happy, but I’m not. It still hurts every day. My emotions still overwhelm me to the point of physical pain, and I still think about suicide multiple times a day. You just learn to live with it. 

And that’s the worst part. Expecting all of it to go away if you do what the doctors tell you to and you make all the right choices on your own, only to realize that when you’re royally fucked, this is just what life is going to be like. And you have to keep choosing life over and over again. You have to find reasons to keep going, even when it hurts so much you think the chronic emotional pain will kill you before you can do it with your own hands.

I’ve only ever met one person who’s understood what this is like. The only other person I’ve met who also had suicide-type OCD and BPD was my roommate when I was moved up to psychiatry in the hospital that day. Me and O fell in love very quickly, and we spent the next two years in a whirlwind of whatever you could even call our relationship until the day she killed herself. The only other person who knew what this was like - for your emotions to swallow you whole and be chronically suicidal every day of your goddamn life - and she killed herself because it hurt too much. From the day she died in 2018, I have never felt more alone.

I have been considered “in remission” since 2019. I’m one of the ones who “got better”. I don’t feel “better”, because it doesn’t get better. Your situation improves, sure, but you spend your whole life fighting that thing in your head that says you don’t deserve to be here anymore. And that’s what they don’t tell you. All the stories about recovery make it sound like it’s some hurdle you overcome. No, that hurdle never goes away. You keep fighting it until you can’t anymore.

I wish my reflection on eight years could be more positive than this, but here we are. It doesn’t get better. Sorry to be the one to say it.

[the-silver-peahen-residence]

Hi there Peahen mom, I was wondering about this demonic omegaverse au. What is that? Is it new?

((Hello there anon, hope your alright and well you mean the demonic omegaverse au I made? No it's nothing new but it's a old au idea I had involving demon mun's muses and mine. I can give you some brief info if you wish. But some spoken of in this au belongs to @demon-blood-youths along with her side blogs too if involved))

Silver butterfly mun/peahen mom

~~~Demonic Omegaverse au list~~~

((What is the Au about?))

In this au, demons go through something that's known in a omegaverse while living their lives non the less. Most go through different cycles no matter if your a demon, witch, or a super natural being. Your all caught in it.

((What are the types in this Au?))

The following are the types here:

Alpha (α) demons ((Very protective and wishes to claim a mate they will bond with forever. Mr. Henderson has already asked many to be sure they are known in their system of what type they are. Most are hidden within the cities of NYC and outside of NYC. Can be very easy to anger when going through time of their Rut months or their cycles. It's said many Alphas are either strong leaders, some having very short tempers, others being passive but still pretty strong, etc.))

Omega (Ω) demons ((Shy/nervous, very submissive towards alphas but always on guard due to being able to sense a alpha's aura as others, smell is very strong and sensitive, very weak around other Alphas but alright with betas they are stable with. They can be pretty strong in their own way but it can change during heat season. They are well known to being at peace, stopping fights to keep peace, and has a calming atmosphere from them.))

Betas (β) demons ((Very in between but can change to being either a Omega, Alpha or remain as a Beta. Theirs a lot of these types here in NYC and outside of it but most tend to be helpers involving medicine and so on. Theirs a lot more Betas in the area besides the other two.))

Mix breed demon/ Alpmega α/Ω) ((Having both traits of Alpha and Omega together) ((This is a rare cross in between if a demon has the chance of being both Alpha (Going into their Rut) and a Omega(going into their heat). Though, this is only if one demon has two mates. Most times Alphas has just one mate but records show only two breeds have this. They come from the DBT fraction due to having two mates. It's also been said that the mate can have a 50% chance of a increase heat but it's a lot more powerful than normal ones.))

((Short note for the Alpmega: So far as noted, only two in NYC has two mates. The ones that is this are the two following:

Rust knight: (Alpmega Breed/Goes through powerful heats and ruts)

Two mates: Breezy Hurricane (Omega) but he's her Alpha

Davion Eldwurm (Alpha) but Rust is his omega

Shdwkyz Goa: (Alpmega Breed/Goes through powerful heats and ruts)

Two mates: Vivi Santos (Omega) but he's her Alpha

Terry Mcginnis (Alpha) but Shdwkyz is his Omega

In Tokyo: Theirs only one documented Alpmega there. Her name is Maki Zenin. She's the Alpha to her two mates named Nobara Kugisaki and Yuria Niguredou who are both Omegas)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((How do the fractions be careful of this knowing most can either be Betas/Omegas/Alphas?))

((A special order was made by the mayor and Mr. Henderson that even if most of the fractions do have a mix of either breed, they are to be told or have themselves checked to insure things don't become a problem. However, most have already mated or are betas still. A few have been already marked in the system to insure things are fine.))

((Out of many; who has the most mates in a fraction?))

((Right now, the only one who has the most is Van ink the dragon (Ω) a omega demon who is the second heir to the Vanity bloodline. She's the only one in the DBT and in NYC's Omegaverse chart to have 6 mates being the following:

Katsuki Bakugo (α)

Ren Akiyama (α)

Atsushi Nakajima(α)

Izuku Midoriya (α)

Denji Hayakawa (α)

and Rin Okumura (α)

((Because she has six mates bonded to her, she has 20x worse heats given she will feel the need to keep them pleased while they return the favor from it. However, she and them agreed to bond as one while being mates. Even if she is an omega, she behaves like an alpha but she is indeed an omega.))

((What about the other members??))

((Other fractions have either or of members being either type. For example: In this faction Most are either Alphas, Betas, and Omegas. It's said Ink is a Omega but she's already taken. Some of the other members are different for example:))

Van Ink (Omega) (Has hit her heats already but very powerful to leave her weak, dazed, possessive, and very sensitive)(Already mated)

Navarro (Beta) (Neutral)

Oblivion (Alpha) (alright goes into her ruts and maybe has a mate already/name of mate is kept private upon her request)

Shdwkyz (Alpmega/Mix breed type)(The second to be diagnosed by his healer/doctor Ophelia)(Has two mates already)

Maggie Fireleo(Omega) (Won't show details with us on who the mate is/private upon her request)

Gerald(Beta) (Netural)

Opheila(Omega) (Has had her heat but is reserving herself for someone she cares of/name of other is XXXXXX from another fraction)

Rust Knight (Alpmega/Mix breed type)The first to be diagnosed by his healer/doctor Ophelia(Has two mates already)

Hellmare (Omega) (Already has hit her heats early before most/name of her future mate is kept secret at her request)

Fosh Virian (Alpha) (Don't show the many signs of normal Alphas but still a Alpha) (Has had his heat a few times but has medicine to keep ruts at bay. But has to have some naturally without over dose from medicine)

Taz Hellion(Beta)(Netural)

Kinie ger(Inner demon bonded to Taz/ancient hunter demon/Omega) (Already has a mate)

Jaron Jackal(Alpha) (Already hit his ruts but is already mated to another somewhere in NYC)

((Other fractions also go through this but their data is held back for reason but some: The follow we got some info on))

~~~~~~~~Other fractions Information~~~~~~~~

*Jinx and the cursed Vixens*

Jinx Violet (Omega) (Already has a mate named)

Melinda Brooks (Omega) (Already has a mate)

Breezy Hurricane (Omega) (Already has a mate)

Echo Fuse (Beta) (Neutral)

Ping crystal (Beta) (Neutral)

Vivi santos(Omega) (Has a mate)

Mouse (Omega) (Has hit her heat at times but takes medicine to keep it stable/Goes natural a few times to keep from over powering. Future mate's name is private upon request)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Kali Vin-Shia and the Elite Demon Anthem Fraction*

Kali Vin-Shia (Omega) (Already has a mate named XXX/private upon request)

Wes Mar (Alpha) (Does not have a mate/has gotten into a few of his ruts a few times)

Bernard Claw (Alpha) (Has a mate but name is kept private upon request)

Alex Swallor (Beta) (Neutral)

Zeb Craze (Beta) (Neutral)

Fredrico La Fiero (Beta) (Neutral)

Sara Boomer (Beta) (Neutral)

Dillon Giant (Beta) (Neutral)

"Shanks Surf (Beta) (Neutral)

Ashely Shrooms (Omega) (Has had heat but taking medicine/saving herself for someone she has a crush on)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

*Guam and the Upstander Campagin fraction*

Guam Great (Alpha) (Has medicine or supplements to take to ease his ruts/has no mate at this time)

Lela Tge (Beta) (Neutral/taking supplements for it)

Tan Patachika (Beta) (Neutral)

Sho Nou (Beta) (Neutral)

Dakim Speaker (Beta) (Neutral)

Thomas'Riggno Guerrero (Beta) (Neutral)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Joshua and the Knights of Darkness*

Joshua Star (Alpha) (Has his ruts but taking medicine supplements/when he is ready to mate with his partner)

Vanessa Midnight (Omega) (Acts like a Alpha but is Omega/has not found a mate yet)

Angel Fallen (Alpha) (Has a bonding partner to be future mate)

Sydeia Shee (Beta) (Neutral)

Robert Magi (Beta) (Neutral)

Eli Time (Beta) (Neutral)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*The Lupins Fraction*

Ammit Ahmed (Alpha) (Already has a mate)

Fin Reer (Alpha) (Already has a mate)

Pierce Digger (Beta) (Neutral)

Ari Jaws (Beta) (Neutral)

Rapheal Conall (Beta) (Neutral)

Haliee Howl (Beta) (Neutral)

Allie Lowe (Beta) (Neutral/Private upon leader's request)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*The lovely horrors Fraction*

Matt Knack (Alpha) (Has mate already/very powerful ruts)

Sid Casper (Omega) (Has a partner that she will mate with in the future)

Jason Woofhees (Alpha) (Has already found a mate but hasn't mated with her yet)

Shirka Magpie (Omega) (Has strong potential of being a alpha but is omega/Already has a mate)

Pete Gant (Beta) (Neutral)

Cobin Razor (Beta) (Neutral)

Charlie Gallows (Omega) (has strong personality of being Alpha but is Omega/has no mate yet)

Lex Malis (Beta) (Neutral)

Yumeno Kyusaku (Beta) (Neutral)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Ethan and the Seekers Tribe*

Ethan Gaol (Alpha) (Already has a mate)

Sam Noonday (Beta) (Neutral)

Light Nigh (Beta) (Neutral)

Zloth (Beta) (Neutral)

Agana Ellis (Omega) (Neutral/has no mate at this time)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Rex and the Elemental demon warriors*

Rex Oxford mills (Alpha) (Already has a mate)

Winter (Omega) (Has a mate)

Spring (Omega) (Has a mate)

Summer (Omega) (Has a mate)

Fall (Omega) (Has a mate)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Ashley and the Shallow Butterflies*

Ashley Butterfly (Omega) (Already has her heats but waiting for right time to mate with destined partner)

T-bone (Alpha) (Waiting for right moment to mate with destined partner)

Hiroshi Kai (Alpha) (Waiting for right moment to mate with someone who is his destined partner)

Hex (Alpha) (Waiting for right moment to mate with his destined partner)

Timmy (Beta) (Neutral)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Willow and the Elemental Phoenix feathers*

Willow Phoenix (Omega) (Already has a mate)

Jeremy swallow (Omega) (Has heats but no mate at this time)

Maki Riverbird (Omega) (Has heats but no mate)

Tslulu Night (Alpha) (Has ruts but taking suppressants)

Cassandra Todaki (Beta) (Neutral)

Gaia Ameyalli (Beta) (Neutral)

Moonlight Filemonsen (Beta) (Neutral)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Yuuka and the Dark Eclipse nightshades*

Yuuka Nakano(Omega) (Already has a mate)

Ming Nakaya (Beta) (Neutral)

Damien Lecross(Beta) (Neutral)

Trevor Joust (Alpha) (already has his mate Maxine)

Maxine Bokeen(Omega) (already has his mate Trevor)

Swan Halls(Beta) (Neutral)

Luna so-yeon koboyashi(Omega) (Has heats but has suppressants/feels like she don't deserve a mate)

Daniella frost(Beta) (Neutral)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~Other Data information~~~~~~~

Yuji Itadori (Alpha) (Has a mate/already mated with her)

Megumi Fushiguro (Alpha) (has no mate yet)

Nobara Kugisaki (Omega) (Has a mate already)

Maki Nenin (Alpmega) (Has two mates)

Yuria Niguredou (Omega) (Has a mate)

Hana Yurikawa (Beta) (Neutral)

Miko Yotsuya (Omega) (Has no mate yet/taking suppressants trying to save herself for her crush)

Kisho Hashimoto (Alpha) (Has a crush on someone and wishes to have her as a mate/waiting for right time)

Sukuna Ryomen (Alpha) (Very dangerous but already has a mate)

Yuta okkotsu (Alpha) (Has a mate already)

Ryunosuke Akutagawa (Omega) (Already has a mate/has strong heats)

Chuya Nakahara (Alpha) (Has a mate but is waiting for the right time to mate with her)

Gin Akutagawa(Omega) (Has heats but is trying to save herself for mate)

Willie Watt (Alpha) (Tends to behave like a Omega for his mate but is a Alpha. Will go into ruts during his time)

Ichiyo Higuchi (Omega) (Taking suppressants to keep her heat under control but is hoping to find a mate)

Junichiro Tanizaki (Alpha) (Has no mate but does have ruts. Hoping to find his own mate too.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

*Omida Oda and the Demons of Oda*

Omida Oda (Alpha) (Has no mate at this time/unsure if looking for one)

Torahito Aishirou (Alpha) (Has no mate at this time)

Shukaku Shōtsū (Beta) (Neutral)

Makou Otoroshi (Beta) (Neutral/unsure of looking for a mate right now)

Iku Takiyasha (Alpha) (Not looking for a mate right now)

Hayato Itachi (Alpha) (Already has a mate name Tsuru)

Syuuta Sasana (Alpha) (Unsure if looking for a mate right now)

Moudo Namazu (Beta) (Neutral)

Rioto Kirin (Omega) (Has a mate already)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((How do you know that other is mated??))

((They are marked in some way to show they are taken. But the main reason is a mating healed bite mark. Other Alphas that don't have mates, has sometimes tried to take another mate. When that happens, the other alpha will get a unknown smell of the Alpha they are mated with. It's a warning to tell others this omega is taken. If one did try to take them, the alpha will know given to senses and change of scent. The alpha will become very protective and either hunt down the unknown smell on their mate.))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((Do mated omegas still give off the scent of being in heat?))

((Yes they do. Because of them being demons, their scent is ten times stronger. So even if after they mated, it can still attract other Alphas. That's why Mr. Henderson told the Alphas who has mates to ensure they are careful and keep a eye out. That or giving them something with their scent to prove that. Their has been events of fights happening with others in NYC because of that.))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((Has their been deadly fights due to this??))

((Sometimes yes and no. Thanks to Mr. Henderson, It's always taken care of so non death related incidents happen. The fractions have ways to keep peace in NYC and out so nothing like that or a war happens.))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((When are the heat Cycles??))

Each one is different but the list states as followed.

Some hit during seasons

Some hit during the summer (Mostly) or cold (Rare but some do get hit).

((Others are random. Though when it happens a warning is given to the all signaling the seasonal heat cycle or mating season. It really is a warning for Omegas who is or has gone into heats and the same for Alphas looking for a mate. The ones that is already mated will feel the effects but worse since they already mated))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((As of right now, the data seen in this is up to date but might change depending on what is going on. As of right now, Mr. Henderson has the info and if something did change, the doctors are to report this to him to have this list updated.))

~~~End of log~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((This is what I got so far for this au. Though, the ones with mates are the same ships me and demon have made. I hope this answers your question anon.))

Silver butterfly mun/Peahen mom

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi sex witch! more a general question, but i saw someone talking about clitoral adhesions recently, and i was wondering if you knew much about them, or how to know if its something one should be concerned about? the post i saw talked about a change in sexual sensation, which is sorta there for me (a cis woman for context), but i can't say i was too familiar with my anatomy prior to the shift and i'm not really sure what amount of change in normal with increased sexual activity anyway, so thought i'd ask. i appreciate any guidance, and thank you for all that you do <3

hi anon,

first thing's first: a necessary disclaimer that I'm not a doctor and don't have any kind of medical degree and if you're concerned about your clitoral health you should seek out a gynecologist, not me.

now, having said that: to my understanding, clitoral adhesions are most often a risk when the clitoris has suffered some blunt trauma, or as the result of an illness, infection, or lack of regular cleaning for the clitoris. note that "regular cleaning" doesn't have to be dedicated scrubbing; just bathing with some frequency and making sure a little water gets to the area is generally enough to keep it tidy.

the biggest sign of clitoral adhesion is usually when you have difficulty or pain pulling back the clitoral hood that covers the more sensitive clitoris proper; if you have difficulty holding any of the folds apart, that may be cause for concern. perhaps a little gentle exploring next time you're in the shower would be helpful!

if the only symptom you're currently experiencing is a shift in sexual sensation, not any pain or discomfort specifically focused on the clitoris, then there are (un)fortunately a nearly countless variety of things that could be the cause. you mention you've recently had an increase in sexual activity, which can certainly change your bodily sensations, especially if the sex has been penetrative.

I guess this is an important follow up question: what has the change in sensation felt like? is it painful, or just different? how frequently does it happen? when do you feel it most acutely?

[canmom]

cameras & 3d

belatedly learning how to actually use a proper camera. it's funny I know a reasonable amount about geometric optics and I could explain mathematically how a camera works, but I hadn't managed to connect that to practical knowledge of 'how aperture priority mode works'.

so no wonder so many shots at the concert turned out blurry, I hadn't twigged that you're supposed to adjust the aperture and ISO until the auto shutter speed becomes reasonable (and the focal depth is appropriate for your intent). I also wasn't really using the different autofocus-area settings to full effect so I'm sure it sometimes focused on the wrong thing.

I had it on auto ISO and f/2.8 the whole time. does explain why it was fairly easy to get the bokeh since that's the lowest f-number available on this lens (apparently very good for a zoom lens). but I should probably have manually cranked up the ISO to better handle the darkness of the room.

still, I have learned what the buttons and dials on the camera do now so hopefully the next lot of photos will be nicer. and hopefully learning a bit more about photography will also help me get better at 3D rendering lol.

in a real camera, the ISO, exposure time and aperture size all affect the brightness of the image, and each comes with drawbacks. increasing aperture size increases the amount of bokeh (equivalently, narrows the focal plane). increasing ISO (sensitivity) increases the amount of grain in low light. increasing exposure time increases the amount of motion blur.

3D graphics is simulating a camera, but it comes with its own parameters and language. in 3D, by default you get pinhole-perfect sharpness. in rasterisation, depth of field is a postprocessing shader which blurs the image based on depth. in pathtracing, it's a setting you can turn on which I believe affects how rays are traced from the camera. in Blender, you can input an f-number, but it's just another slider you can fiddle with so I don't tend to pay much attention to the exact number when I adjust it.

ISO and exposure time is not really a thing in 3D. the brightness of your scene is something you choose when converting from the scene-referred floating point output of the renderer to the final display-referred integer colour (blender offers a handful of presets here). every real camera sensor has a limited dynamic range, but since the rendering is done in floating point, in 3D you have a near-infinite dynamic range at the 'sensor' stage.

motion blur in 3D is completely optional - again it's something you'd do in a post-processing shader which blurs the image along motion vectors, or by adjusting your renderer settings in a path tracer to trace some rays at different simulated times. the graininess of the image in a pathtracing renderer is really more a function of how many samples you trace, which has no connection to the duration of the simulated exposure in the scene.

so while 3D rendering prepares you for photography in some ways, it definitely leaves some gaps! but knowing a bit more about how real cameras work will be useful if I want to render something realistically or fake it in a painting.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

I wonder why walking/running on the tips of your feet can be so fun?

Hi there,

I looked into why autistic people walk on their toes, and I got an interesting article. Here’s what the article has to say:

Sensory Difficulties

Children who have an autism diagnosis may toe walk as they have sensory difficulties. Some children with autism spectrum disorder experience a feeling of discomfort in certain areas of the feet when they touch the ground.

For example, they may have a sensitivity towards textures on the bottom of their feet, therefore by walking on their toes, they can reduce the amount of surface area that they are touching those particular textures.

Hyper-extended Back Posture

Children with autism have a problem with decreased muscle tone or increased muscle weaknesses. As a result, their body posture falls in the forward direction putting their weight over their toes.

This is why they tend to walk on their toes rather than their feet.

Vestibular Difficulties

The vestibular system deals with the body’s movements, posture, and muscle coordination.

Children with autism often experience vestibular difficulties which again push their weight forward and end up encouraging toe walking.

I’ll leave the article below. It refers to children, but I think this can be applied to teens and older adults.

According to another article:

Sensory Integration can be broken up into 3 parts, Tactile System, Proprioception System and Vestibular system. All 3 areas in some way play a part in toe walking.

In children with Autism, the vestibular system (which helps to control balance and body position) is under developed or dysfunctional. Toe walking can often then develop. Exercises targeting vestibular stimulation can assist in reducing toe walking.

This article will also be below if you want to read it.

I hope this helps answer your question. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️