#I wish they could have gotten along
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My Great Grandma who loved her babies very much
Reference that I used for the face!
#I was scrolling through pinterest and saw this woman and I was like: She looks EXACTLY like how I imagine Stan and Ford's mother to look#my art#gravity falls#mabel pines#dipper pines#ig??#caryn romanoff pines#caryn pines#mabel voice: she must have been one hell of a mother to have had to deal with Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford when they were kids!#DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW SHE MIGHT HAVE DIED THINKING STANFORD AND STANLEY NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO RECONCILE#DO U EVER THINK ABOUT HOW SHE MUST HAVE BEEN PLAGUED WITH REGRETS AND WHAT-IFS OVER STAN BEING KICKED OUT- WISHING SHE COULD HAVE DONE MORE#DOES THE THOUGHT THAT STANFORD MIGHT HAVE NEVER GOTTEN THE CHANCE TO VISIT HER AT HER DEATHBED OR HER FUNERAL SINCE HE WAS STUCK ELSEWHERE??#EVER HAUNT YOU AT NIGHT???#DOES IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE KNOWN ALL ALONG ABOUT STANLEY- SINCE SHE'S THEIR MOTHER AND āWHAT KIND OF MOTHER CAN'T#RECOGNISE HER OWN CHILDREN APARTā#THEY MEET AT STAN'S FUNERAL LIKE: āSTANLEY I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED- NOR WHY THAT CASKET AT THE FRONT IS EMPTY RIGHT NOW AND WHY WE'RE#CURRENTLY ATTENDING YOUR FUNERAL- OR WHY YOU'RE EVEN DRESSED UP AS FORD RIGHT NOW.ā#āI DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON STANLEY- BUT I DO KNOW THAT ONE OF MY SONS DIDN'T DIE IN A DITCH SOMWHERE IN THE FLAMING WRECK OF A CAR CRASH-#AND THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME.ā#SHE GOT THAT MOTHER'S INSTINCT#stan twins parents
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below the cut is a short theory/deep dive into how i believe agatha all along is going to end between agatha and rio. it is inspired by one theory that is doing the rounds, and is the one i originally theorised myself after watching episode six last week, but i wanted to depict the how and the why of why agathario is important to the show, and why i donāt think a āfinal battleā will be clearly cut between a āgoodā and ābadā side
like many others, i think itās reasonable to predict that rio is there to take billy, but she does not actually know who billy is because of the sigil. small things to back this up include:
1. agatha asking rio why sheās there in episode one and rio replying āmy jobā. agatha is like boom she is here to take someone away, and it canāt be me, and thereās only one new person whoās recently appeared in my life so who the f is this kid why is he important
2. rio saying ādid you hide evidence?ā to agatha. ironically, someone is being hidden in the closet from herā¦
3.. rio telling lilia āgo on tell them what you sawā in the beginning of episode five. we can infer that rio knows that lilia knows who rio is. perhaps we could go one further, and suggest that rio knows lilia helped hide whoever she is looking for, and is almost taunting lilia in an āi really do see it allā way
3. agathaās ādonātā to rio in episode four, when teen is injured. itās obvious, and has been spoken about so much, but i really think this is a moment of confirmation from agatha that rio is there for him, and she needs to beat rio in discovering who he is. itās confirmation that the two are working against each other, but it is so hidden between their flirtation and tension.
4. thereās been a big debate about why rio would be a witch, whilst sheās also *potentially* death, but i think it was important for the show to portray rio as a witch so the audience know that a sigil would also work on rio, so she cannot discover teenās identity. why else would they make it such a big deal about sigils only working on witches?
5. the significant of the no. 3 and agatha/rio in the show all hinting at the cycle of life, birth and death: maiden, mother, crone; agathaās shirt in ep 5; the clocks being on 3.33 when rio arrives in ep 1, the amount of rabbits weāve seen (3 rabbits/hares represent birth-life-death cycle in christianity and egyptian hieroglyphs)
SO,
to agatha, seeing rio means something is about to be taken away from her. i think that is their entire dynamic within this show, and their entire relationship in general, after the loss of nic. agatha is presented with rio which means she must work out what rio is there to take. thatās why she suspected teen was someone important, because rio was there for either her or teen. teen had to be one of two people. thatās why agatha viscerally protested the idea of coming close to death in the first trial. because she does not want confirmation that rio is there to take this boy from her. she does not even know who he is, but he is important enough for rio to involve herself in agathaās life once more. he is important enough for rio to go out of her way and resurface old feelings that they both know, the other should not be resurfacing. he is important enough to be seeked out.
by rio taking away billy, she not only repeats her and agathaās history once more, but she completely takes away the possibility from agatha that she could ever find a way to be reunited with nicky. agatha needs billy, like she needed wanda, to end the quest sheād spent centuries on. rio is not JUST taking another child away from agatha, she is completely breaking the entire, vicious cycle of longing and hope for the son they lost.
i think that rio thinks that is for the best. for her agatha. to stop this endless chase for something rio knows she cannot have. rio is doing it out of love, even though it tears them apart more than anything else ever could. that is the lesson that agatha needs to be taught: the cycle of birth, life and death. (yes i could then start hypothesising about agatha dying, but i think itās been overdone)
so that is our potential final battle. a battle between death and life. they are made for each other, but that is ultimately what tears them apart. one spends their life bound to defying death, and the other does not get life, but is bound to upholding it.
agatha is Deathās life. but all death can do to life, is take from it. in the end, rio will always be agathaās death. they have always been doomed.
#havenāt gotten over my fear of capital letters yet sorry#or full stops lol#agatha all along#agatha harkness#agathario#agatha all along spoilers#rio vidal#aaa spoilers#I have about five hundred more theory drafts on this lol#they are so POETIC#the only person to love agatha is also the only person who can take from her#the only thing that makes rio feel alive ultimately makes her wish she could die#SHE SAID SHORT#LOL
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Okay so my thoughts because there really wasn't much Rio Agatha backstory explained and I'm wondering about the kiss. Because it seems to be some kind of kiss of death situation. So my question is now. Was that their very first kiss? Or. OR!!! Does Rio mean by "speacial treatment" that every time they kissed, Agatha should have died but Rio couldn't bring herself to take her so she spared her??? I'm not fully sure if that makes sense but I'm just wondering what this kiss means for them. Because again we don't actually get to see the parts of their backstory that doesn't involve Nicky
#agatha all along#like#i'm just a little disappointed because#i really wamted to know their backstory#like how they met how they fell in love#because the earliest moment we see of them is agatha already calling rio 'my love'#and i wish we could have gotten more of an explanation#or a kiss in the past???#and that's why i'm wondering if they ever have kissed#but from what we got in episode four it seems like they did#so did rio really spare agatha Every Time they kissed?#because that would truely be special treatment#lea's random thoughts#agatha harkness#rio vidal#agathario#agatha x rio#rio x agatha#agatha all along spoilers#agatha spoilers#aaa spoilers#many thoughts right now
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viserys defenders saying he was a good dad to rhaenyra as if i couldn't write an entire thesis about all the ways he failed her as a father and i am NOT just talking politically
edit: you can find the thesis here!
#hotd#house of the dragon#anti viserys i targaryen#viserys i#viserys#viserys i targaryen#viserys targaryen#rhaenyra#rhaenyra targaryen#will i ever shut up about him?#no bc it also helps me to explain why both sides could and should have gotten along#i wish he stayed alive a lil while longer to see how badly he fucked up#but noooo he gets to die thinking his family is all happy#>:(
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Tomorrow it will be 10 years exactly since dad died
What do you even do with that
#I wish he could have met my wife#I wish he could have met her dad-- they would have gotten along so great#I wish he could have met our dog#he'd have so much fun bullying that beast but he'd've spoiled him rotten too#ten years later and it still isn't fair#I want to make curry for him and lemon chicken spaghetti#I want him to try my wife's baking#I want to show him the Murderbot books he would have loved them#i want to trade music recommendations with him again#I want to sit and watch TNG together#and take him to the ramen joint we love going to#and the conveyor belt sushi place bc he'd get a kick out of that#I have no idea if he'd like Persona but he would have listened to me prattle on about for as long as I wanted either way
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soā¦ how long do you think it took the titan to figure out he blamed the wrong person?
#like im assuming he probably learned while he was in that in between dimension#and at that point there was nothing to be done#i wonder if he ever watched over the tablet along with watching over kingās egg#this whole story is so heartbreaking#he was literally trapped for hundreds of years because of something he didnt do :(#and i doubt the archivists were thrilled about papa titan trapping the collector so they didnt let him live either#and the titans anger is justified bc all but one of his children were killed#supposedly by the same person that they had welcomed in and everything#and he only later realises that in his anger#another child was hurt#ugh i wish we could have gotten more titan and archivist lore it would have been so cool#toh#the collector#the titan#papa titan#toh spoilers
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Feel free to skip on past this, Iāve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didnāt know how to interact with them? I didnāt know what to say to them bc I donāt know what I needed to hear back then, what I wouldāve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldnāt let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didnāt know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didnāt know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still donāt even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I donāt think Iāve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. Iāve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe itās not the best now, or even that great at all, but itās better. I wish I couldāve told them but I donāt think theyād have wanted to hear it anyway
#im a rambling sam#Iām in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work#idk maybe Iāve been in a weird place all year probably#I donāt think Iām that far from where I was at that age but I know I am thereās just still so much further to go#one day I think itāll feel easier but maybe not today#I do love working w kids but Iām considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I donāt know if I can handle this#I can#but god I donāt know#in my heart Iām still that exact kid and sheās still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it#just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here#but by the time Iāve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I#I donāt know how to step into it#sorry sorry Iām still rambling Iām having a weird day I probably just havenāt eaten nearly enough in the last few days and Iām about to#start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I canāt stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think#we probably wouldāve gotten along#but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp#idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but thereās still a mute child in your ribcage#little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window#I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time#when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked#and Iād talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me#and now Iām here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head#now Iām the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest#when I talk to myself Iām talking to her#Iām giving her the assurance she needed back then#the assurance I still need now#I am here for her so I am here for myself#this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe itās time for bed
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alexis got back with his ex
#i dont know what to say other than i literally cried when he told me#he apologized and it's fine it's whatever#he said they had history and its true#i don't think I'll talk about him again#i asked him not to take me home anymore because it's gonna be very confusing to me#i like him so much he's so cool of course I can't have him#i can't compete w a girl like that#i feel so fucking bad i wanna throw up#im never gonna be loved romantically ever#i just wish he hadn't messed with ne#me*#im so fucking fond of him hahaha i hate this so bad#we could have had something so nice#we get along so well#I feel like such a failure jsjshsjahsjahs#when is it my turn#why does she get the boy instead of me#haven't i not gotten then boy enough times#fuck character development fuck working on myself I've done my time#where is MY person#u guys don't have to want it but i do#i fucking do#i hate this#rose.txt#sorry for this
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I wish twdg explored more on how though human beings can become closer through awful timesā¦..sometimes thatās not always the case
#I mean I know they technically do that in the games but it feels half-ssed#I feel like they couldāve made that comparison with comparing clementines new group in season 2 to her old one#and have internal turmoil over why her first group couldnāt get along like these guys#why they couldnāt stop arguing for two seconds why they wanted each other dead most of the time#why they coudnt stand being in the same presence of each other and wishing they could just leave without the threat of death#and also make a comparison on how much worse it couldāve gotten with season 3#show a group or town that is worse then both her groups#to really drive in the complication of something like this#and then with season 4 bring in a group thatās smart but naive maybe inexperienced#that way you can have all different types of groups to really round out humanity and how different people react in situations like this#and heck for the extras bring in more group dynamics that range from toxic to somewhat manageable#cause in the end twdg is about humans and humanity and how terrible it can really get BECAUSE of them#so why not drive that home fully#just a thought#my stuffy stuff#twdg#ideas#opinions#text#to add depth have that group not be as perfect as they seem let them have flaws that are and arenāt glaringly obvious to the character#have a character finally show their true colors and decide if itās worth it or not(kinda like lily but less stupid)#idk I feel like it couldāve been cool#probably wouldnāt work as a long game though(then again the actual games arenāt that long to begin with)
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.
#Iām just gonna use this blog as a diary because. yāknow. I already do. anyway#I donāt know whatās gotten into me recently but I just feel like. like Iām supposed to be āfurther alongā in my life than I am now?#and like. I know itās bullshit because. the milestones I was told I would hit as I grew older have definitely not been predictable#they tell you youāll get a job and a car and a significant other and youāll get married and buy a house and have kids and grow old and die#and itās like. thatās all weāre given to measure our lives by; these big milestones.. people are supposed to feel accomplished when they hit#but those things are just titles to chapters like. nobody tells us that thereās all this other plot happening between those pages#and so yeah I mean. it feels like Iām not on the right chapter and I really want to skip ahead but like#the truth is. Iām not even to the climax yet. Iām still in the lore-dump stage of ny story#and thatās been so hard for me to accept recently. Iām yearning to be in the chapter where I fall in love and get married#but thatās just it like. that chapter comes earlier in other peopleās stories than it seems to be in mine#although Iāve fallen in love many times. Iām not at the āget marriedā chapter. because itās not the right part of the story yet#and sometimes I wish I could just find the author of my story and tell them HEY GET ON WITH IT ALREADY because things seem to be moving so#so slowly. and yet theyāre moving so fast I simultaneously feel like Iām running out of time#like. why do some people deserve to have co-stars in their stories from almost the very beginning who stick by those protagonists and grow#together? What did I do in my last story to deserve such a lonely one this time around?#Why am I so unlucky that I have good close friends that stick by me and all I know how to do is hold them at arms length because I donāt#think our relationships are quite as deep as I feel that I need out of a relationship?#why is my story about desparately trying to find a place where I feel comfortable enough to belong and share myself with others#and hey. why am I not at that part of my story either?#and maybe itās that I donāt do enough. as a protagonist my toxic trait is that Iām pathologically suspicious of others#if someone shows interest in me Iām suspicious of why. what are they trying to get from me. because in the past people have taken from me#without giving much back. and if someone wants to date me Iām immediately suspicious of their intentions.#because Iāve realised that thereās much more to being in a relationship than āyouāre hot letās fuckā. and I know thatās not what I want#I want to be at the part of my story where I can share myself with someone without worrying that theyāre going to take more than I can give.#I want to be at the part of my story where I can trust someone with myself when Iām fragile and they can trust me with themselves as well#I want to be at the part of my story where my life slots together well with someone elseās; so well it just feels normal and right.#I want to be at the part of my story whereā¦I know I could live without this person because we can both take care of ourselves but.#itās just preferable to spend time and solve problems and exist *together*#and youāll have to forgive me for saying so but Iāll need physical affection from that person whoever they may be#I feel like certain things are falling into place. I like where I am. now I want to set down roots. and I canāt. Iām not at that page yet.
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i hate when old friends have memorable birthdays
#i miss them and neither of us are the same people we used to be and we will never ever get along how we used to#and sometimes i think if i had done things differently we wouldnt have gotten to this point. we couldve been there with each other growing#together instead of apart#and every year their birthday rolls around and i miss them and i miss me and i hate the me that lost them#but most importantly i love them and i wish i could still tell them that without making things awkward for both of us#happy birthday. hope you have an amazing day. you deserve it and so much more. i miss you. i love you. im so glad i knew you.#even if i hardly know you anymore.#txt
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ooooh u wanna tell me about i've been a lot of lonely places so bad oooh
hey sara!!! i've talked abt the fic a little here and here, but there's another element that i think you, my dear max mayfield enthusiast, might be interested in - the exploration of max's relationship with billy and the parallels to will/jonathan and lonnie.
i think that max's feelings about her abuser were incredibly complicated....while she wasn't being entirely honest in her initial letter to billy, and while a very big part of her spent most of her hours wishing he was gone, i do think that there was a slight element of truth to her saying that she wanted them to try again someday and that maybe they could've been a real brother and sister, and that rly reminds me of the scene with will and jonathan in season one where will says that it's fun to go to baseball games w lonnie. i think that both of them, being the 13-14 yo kids that they are, still hold some residual feelings of love for their abusers (as most victims do), and i thought that it would be a fascinating concept to explore, especially since will had jonathan to steer him away from holding onto lonnie while max has been alone for most of her life.
#btw pls don't take this as billy apologism bc it is Not. like. not at all#i just wanted to explore the complexity of this situation where even though max hated him for who he rly was n wanted him gone#there was a small part of her that wished he was different n that they could have actually gotten along someday#WIP asks#rae writes#answered#sara tag
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Another shoutout to the Bayle fight because I fought him for 2 hours straight until winning but never ONCE have I gotten rage-quit or near it frustrated
#txts#elden ring#elden ring shadow of the erdtree#still in stark contrast to being incapable of handling 1 (one) hippo#i am laughing at how sad that is#i wish it was in a dungeon or smth and not the path so i could leave it untouched and joke that i killed gods all along the lands but-#this damn hippo.....never v-v#would be funny#my tarnished: i fear nothing-but that thing...it scares me#2 hours fighting dread dragon š like 30mins fighting hippo ā #i have gotten like thrice the fragments i had before so i'll def come back...eventually...after getting done with the side stuff š
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Hm
#Hm yes complaining about one poor joke that makes the ones following it hit different#is definitely me saying the receiver is the only one allowed to say such style jokes#Sorry I didnāt specify all trauma jokes are bad#that theyāre expected from bad characters not good ones#that that one singular joke is the only trauma joke to stand out to me out of the entire game#that I love the characters being nuanced but that first joke just feels too far#that I love the character I was speaking about and wish there was more in the game for him like everyone else wishes for too#Sorry I have an issue with big feels around one (1) singular dialogue#and the post was about as serious as his jokes to begin with#I loved the second two jokes until I saw the first one#and yes I saw them out of order because apparently I missed it my first run#yes I get it if you donāt like any form of dislike for the man#especially against the vamp#but that is literally my only issue with the man fuckin chill#everything else far outweighs that one joke to the point I forget it entirely#which just makes it punch me in the face every game#so sorry I shared a minor experience#about act 1 dialogue where no one is chill towards the others#well what should be act 1 dialgoue#Iāve gotten the dialogue after killing caz because that was just the first time I had them together#and itās hilarious because caz is still offered up as a first vamp kill#also not to mention the boys grow to love each other same as everybody else#and the ship is mm good#so sorry I also didnāt state I donāt think they hate each other#considering this is act 1 between a hunter and the shit heās supposed to be hunting#my own ranger if he could speak would absolutely make remarks about the vamp being careful along with the other monster hunter#main difference is he would be able to jump in and say he has killed a vamp before and offer the man help for his first#everyone is a ābitchā toward the vamp at first#thatās normal yeah they wanna make it a point theyāll drop kick him into the sun if heās a threat#sorry the one joke hits different but I donāt actually think the man is a bitch heās a fucking ray of sunshine with one poor joke
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āļø //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anywayā¦ justā¦ ā¦#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ā¤ļø#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? ā¦im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i āshoulsnt feel this wayā#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as āwoe is meā bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & Iām not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar thatās just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldnāt. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when sheās upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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sometimes i wonder if my siblings ever lie awake at night and think about how distant we are now. hm
#š#does my older brother ever wish we could go back and be nicer to each other and have a relationship that didnt just consist of screaming-#-and fighting and hitting each other? that we couldve gotten along better?#do they ever wish we could know each other again? that we could come home and see each other more often instead of once or twice a week?#do they ever miss me or am i alone in feeling like this
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