#I wish people didn't think of him as a bad person simply because he can't function without his drinks tho :[

[trouble-warning]

blorbo!!

Is it egotistical of me to say he's my favorite and that I also kin him? ;-;

Either way this is my version of the silly silly boy and yes I'm only gonna give these skellies three digits per appendage bc it's easier on me and also makes them look a little less human, the number of spine segments and ribs is still up for debate though XD

also his rainbow freckles when he blushes are always forgotten and that makes me sad so I made two lil doodles of him all happy and blushy :]

anyway I'm barely processing that I made this. I love it so much and like, my, my hands did this??? Are you, no you're joking because there's no way I was able to produce something that gives me so much dopamine and seratonin-

[wonwoonlight]

in this time or the others / choi seungcheol

notes: 1.3k // nothing but pure, sweet people in love lol // seungcheol brainrot. happy bday to the only man ever 🖤

[ ❀❀❀ ]

Oftentimes you would look at Seungcheol and wonder what you did in your past lives to deserve the chance of being with him.

You don’t know if your time with him is borrowed or not, and you’re not sure why your love for him seems to be the most secure of all kinds of love that you’ve experienced throughout your life, romantic or not.

It doesn’t make sense how steady your feelings are for him, unchanging (unless when it’s getting deeper) and never stopping, almost like you’ve always known how to love him. Like breathing. You just know how to do it without anyone ever teaching you how to–it’s natural and you can’t be without it. Quite literally at that, too.

You’ve never been this secure when it comes to relationships–what with your mostly bad experiences with them and everything–but it’s easy to fall in love with Choi Seungcheol even before he starts loving you back. It’s easy to drown in his eyes and get captivated in his existence. If this is how love is supposed to feel, like a dream you don’t wish to wake up from, then you hope you’ll be stuck in this feeling forever.

That word doesn’t even scare you anymore. Thinking about forever with Seungcheol only brings smiles to your face, even though in your life prior to him it scared the shit out of you due to its uncertainty and the insecurity your head would fuel your head with.

“Why are you smiling to yourself?” Seungcheol interrupts your thoughts, handing you a mug of hot chocolate as he takes his seat next to you. Always right next to you.

“Just… thinking of something.” You try to dismiss the topic, though Seungcheol narrows his eyes at you and demands you to explain.

“Something else?” Oh, that’s the kind of mood that he’s in. You grin at his antics, letting him continue. “Not me?”

On any other day, you would’ve played along and tried to get a reaction out of him, push his buttons and kiss the pout off his face. But there’s something about today that makes you feel a little cheesy, so you look into his eyes and smile, enjoying the confused look he’s sending you because he’s expecting some witty comebacks that you’d always throw his way.

“Always you.” You whisper like it's a secret as you find yourself drowning in the universe reflected in his eyes, holding his gaze as if it's the first time you've ever looked into them. He’s flustered, of course, having not anticipated you to react this way. “I think I can't go a day without thinking about you, really. Can anyone? I personally think we're all here to revolve around you. When you're not around, I cease to exist and kinda just not do anything until you step into my subspace again.”

“Shut the fuck up.” He groans, his palm covers your face in a desperate attempt not to let you see how flustered he actually is at the turn of your words while you simply laugh through his fingers. “I knew you wouldn't just say shit like that.”

“So rude.” You pout at him, knowing how much it annoys him when you do it at times like this. “Can't believe that's how you speak to your girlfriend.”

“You–”

“And they say you make people's hearts flutter. Do they know you're this combative with someone you love?”

“That's not–”

“I've fallen into your trap, haven't I?” You match his usual dramatics, feeling a little annoying as much as you are all soft inside. “I didn't think–”

“Shut. Up.” He repeats, pulls you into his lap, and strangles you into a cuddle because he couldn't ask you like a normal person.

You settle happily into his neck, leaving a kiss on his jaw before he maneuvers you into a more comfortable position. There's a happy hum flowing throughout your body, as if telling you that it's happy that you're where you are. That this is where you belong.

“I really was thinking about you, though.” You continue your prior topic, your tone more calm and relaxed, much like the rhythm of his heartbeat.

It's funny, really. He used to think being in love means butterflies and fireworks, a series of heartbeats skipping through its tempo, or a constant flutter in his stomach. After finding you, he realizes it's not just about that. It's the way he calms at the touch of your fingers, the way his eyes follow you everywhere you might be, the way his heart fucking melts everytime you gazes into his eyes and breaks into a shy smile.

He doesn't get fireworks in his chest when he kisses you. He gets a constant buzz of electricity throughout his body that keeps him afloat.

He doesn't get butterflies in his tummies when he wakes up next to you in the morning. He gets reassurance that this is what he wants to see every morning of his fucking life.

“Yeah?” He kisses the top of your head, asking you to elaborate. “What about me?”

“Do you think we've met before?”

A laugh slips past his lips before he pulls away and looks at you, searching for your face.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, I don't know. In another lifetime?”

Seungcheol blinks, not expecting the conversation to steer this way.

“I feel like I've always known you.” You continue, seemingly lost in your thoughts. “Like I've always known to love you?”

His breath actually stops at your words, his heart beating so hard it echoes all the way to his ears, and his arms tighten around you like a lifeline.

“I wouldn't say it feels like a deja vu. It just feels like… ah, I'm so bad at this. But it feels like I've always meant to love you?”

It takes a while for Seungcheol to manage the words out of his mouth, overwhelmed by his own feelings and how out of nowhere you spur these on him.

“I'm stealing that for our wedding, just so you know.” He says without thinking, and you two spend exactly seven seconds (he counted) looking into each other in flustered bliss, registering what Seungcheol has just said.

“What?” You almost choke on your word, and it's your turn to have your heart beating throughout your entire body.

“What?” He chooses to play stupid, like he didn't just bring up the W word even though it's been his wildest dream since the moment you let him take you home three years ago that feels like, well, another lifetime.

“I–”

“I feel the same, if you're wondering.” He cuts you off, not ready to actually talk about it even though it's simply obvious–dare he says–you'd marry each other. But he doesn't want to talk about it right now, when he's struggling to think straight because of the fuzzy feelings engulfing his entire being. “Like I've always meant to love you.”

Seungcheol could've sworn there are traces of tears in your eyes that you stubbornly and successfully blink away. But he can't tease you about it when he's currently trying to stop his trembling lips to stop himself from fucking crying.

“Perhaps we did meet before.” He suddenly answers your question that starts the discussion to begin with. “In another lifetimes.”

“Lifetimes? Plural?”

“Can't imagine a life where I don't have you by my side, really.”

“Hmm. And in our next one?”

“I'll probably meet you again.”

“Yeah? And what will you do?”

“Sweep you off your feet again, duh.”

“Arrogant bastard.” You grin, though not so opposed to the idea of meeting and loving him again in every single one of your lifetime. “I don't know. I think I'd want to try dating Wonwoo.”

Seungcheol makes a sound from the back of his throat that immediately throws you into a fit of laughter; and before he can say shit and actually get upset about your little joke, you slot your lips into his and shut him up. He's still putting on an act of being upset, but you don't really care because you just know he'd smile into the kiss in a matter of seconds. And when he does, you can't help but return the gesture before you two end up giggling to yourselves for no reason at all.

It is so easy to love Choi Seungcheol.

[nnight-dances]

XOXO, YOU MIGHT BE MY NEXT!

PAIRING: lee anton x fem!reader

GENRE: short n' sweet moments!!!!

TROPES: friends to lovers, college au, turning 20 existential dread inspired by yours truly, flirting friendship dynamics, no drama in this one because i'm sick n tired bro

WHAT TO EXPECT:

Something about Anton had changed ever since he turned 20 and you could not put your finger on it. All you knew was he had made it his mission to fluster you and letting him catch a hint of what he was doing to you was a bad idea...

"I can't believe I'm no longer a silly little guy in his teen years," sighs Anton. Had the speaker been a remotely more predictable person than Lee Chanyoung, decidedly the king of "never let 'em know your next move," you would've at least pretended to be amused by his statement.

Instead, you echo his sigh with your own. "Come on, there's no way you're still whining about this. You used to cry about being stuck a nineteen year-old and being called a kid, and now that you're not? You're crying about it, too!"

Anton frowns at your sharp but resoundingly true words. He crosses his arms, leaning closer to you across the table, his eyes taking on a candid gravity. "I'm serious this time, Y/N, I'm spiralling. I feel like I should be doing… more?"

You blink at him. Count on Anton to have an existential crisis in the library of all places. You could've even get get vulnerable with him right now if you wanted, what with the mobs of students surrounding you, chattering away in their own circles. 

You pat his arm across the table, feeling the soft fabric of his baby blue hoodie that always sat so well with his eyes.  "It'll be fine, Ant, you're doing enough as it is. You're a good student and a good friend, too. That's more than a lot of people can claim."

He doesn't hide the small smile that creeps onto his face, "You really think so?" Then, he tilts his head and like a switch turning, his smile turns flirtatious. "But that's all you think of me as? A good friend?"

You stare back at Anton, at a loss for words at his sudden change in demeanour. "Well, yeah? Aren't we…?" you ask the question hoping he'd drop the act and laugh it off but his smile is only morphing further into a smirk the more flustered you get.

Feeling your ears warm, you avert your gaze, suddenly incredibly intrigued by the laptop screen of a girl working a table away from you. You think about Anton and how the two of you had always been closer to each other, compared to the rest of your friends. Maybe it was only because your schedules always matched up, allowing you to grab meals together and hole up in the library after. Maybe it was because you lost track of time when you were with him, laughing at something stupid or spouting something stupid yourself just to watch him laugh with you. 

You couldn't say the possibility of being something more to him hadn't crossed your mind. Of course it had, Anton was the most charming guy you'd been around for a while and you felt comfortable with him like with nobody else. And it was that comfort that was the very reason you didn't feel the need to pursue more with him: it was enough to be his friend. 

But something had changed about him ever since he turned 20 a week ago. You don't know where to pin the feeling that he'd changed but he'd become more… direct. For example, the night of his birthday, you'd decided to show up at his door to wish him in person at exactly 12 am. He'd been thrilled to see you and pulled you into a hug. A completely normal hug. Just a little too long for two people who were just friends. But you had been more than happy to feel his warmth so you didn't mention it. When you did finally pull away, Anton had chased you face, planting a kiss on your cheek out of the blue.

It had caught you off guard like nothing else. You'd stared at him, not unlike how you'd looked at him a few minutes ago, turning hotter by the second. But he'd simply grinned the purest grin ever, thanking you sincerely for wishing him. 

With that and his sudden question of your relationship with him, you didn't know what to think anymore. 

Anton has gone back to his work by the time you come back to your senses, as cool as ever. You can hear the hum of the music in his earbuds as he types away at his computer. You really don't know what to think, with his flirting and nonchalance after. God, you think you might drive yourself crazy.

And you desperately want to keep your sanity so later that night, on your walk back home from the library, you try to hint at it. "Hey, you know…" you start, catching his attention, "I feel like you've changed somehow… since you turned 20."

He looks amused at your admission, brows quirking up, "Really? Please, do say more."

"Well," your eyes jump from his to your shoes and then back, "Like you're acting different."

"I am?" his cheeks rise, "Is it weird?" 

You note that he doesn't ask you how he's acting different, implying he probably knew what he was doing. The thought of it being on purpose only rattles you more. 

"Not weird, no," you breathe, "I'm just not used to it, I guess." You hate yourself for not knowing where you were going with his. Anton might as well think you were the weird one for reading into his actions so much without having a proper reason to. 

But before you can backtrack on your observation, you feel Anton's hand brush against yours. You look up at the contact and then, his fingers interlace with yours, a soft tug bringing your joined hands into his pockets. 

Your heart nearly catapults itself outside of your chest at the sudden touch. All while Anton watches you but you turn coy, looking away. 

"Is this okay?" his voice is low, so as to not startle you. As if you could possibly be any more startled than you already were.

You look at him once again and his eyes are sincere, as sincere as his hand is in yours, keeping you close to his side. "Yeah, it's fine," you hear yourself saying, as if you didn't belong to your own body anymore. 

You walk back in silence but warmer than ever, with Anton's hand enveloping yours the whole time. You feel dizzy with the weight of his touch and with the confusion of it all. 

He walks you to your room without a word and when your hands finally part, he gives you a soft smile. "Good night, Y/N." You nod, unsure if you could form any words right now. You turn to unlock your room when Anton speaks up again: "Oh, and about earlier? You might wanna get used to it." 

You spin to face him but he's walking away without another look at you and you swear your knees all but give out under you with how weak you feel. Your words from earlier come rushing back and your heart races even in your own company as you enter your room. Anton might just be the death of you at this rate. 

— 

The next day you retain your composure for the most part, all thanks to the fact that you don't encounter Anton as often as usual because you have back-to-back meetings for club activities and a class project. But the feeling of accomplishment vanishes as soon as you spot him outside the study room where you'd met up with your project-mates. They leave, biding you goodbye and side-eyeing the boy outside, clearly waiting for someone. 

"Anton?" you call out, slowly approaching him. He looks up with a beam, "Hey! You're finally done?"

"Yeah, but what are you doing here?"

"You said you'd be here for your meeting so I thought I'd come pick you up."

You faintly recall shooting him a text about not being able to meet up at your usual spot because of your group meeting but hadn't expected him to show up there.

"Oh, I guess that's nice of you," you say.

"You guess?" Anton echoes, sulking, "Come on, Y/N. I've been sad 'cause I didn't get to see you all day and that's all you have for me? We have a lot of work to do here."

You're in a daze the whole time he's speaking, watching his lips move and feeling your stable headspace slip farther away from you. "No, I mean, I'm glad to see you, too. I just didn't expect it." 

"Told ya to get used to it, didn't I?" he shakes his head like it's the most obvious thing in the whole world. "Anyway, are you free for the night now?"

When you nod, he goes on. "You wanna come over and watch a movie with me? I've been wanting to watch it for a while now but I never got the chance too…" He goes on to give you a brief synposis of it and you can practically feel the excitement radiating off him. 

You laugh at his genuine enthusiasm and agree without a thought, forgetting your current weakness around him.

Which is why it only dawns upon you when you step foot into his room to find it to be oddly… small. Is it the same size it had always been? Yes. Had you been alone in it with him before? Also, yes. But had it ever felt like you were going to pass out from anxiety because you were all alone with him before? No. 

You plop onto his bed without a word and if Anton notices your zoned out state, he says nothing. He takes his coat off and hangs it up, tapping your shoulder. "You sure you don't want to take your jacket off? It's kinda warm in my room." You nod, having forgotten to slip your jacket off. You hand him your jacket with a soft thanks. 

You hate to be the shell of a person you are right now, so you make yourself comfortable, sitting against the wall with a cushion for your back, taking your boots off. You pat your chest as Anton is busy setting his laptop up in a position for both of you to watch on his bed. When he finally takes his seat next to you, settling closer than he usually does, you tell yourself to stay calm and enjoy the rush of feeling his arm brush against yours, instead of letting it unnerve you. 

It helps to let the feeling be, instead of running from it. You relax in your own skin, finding the peace to finally focus on the movie instead of the boy next to you and in your heart. 

It's a sweet movie, as it turns out, even earning a few tears from you as the ending credits roll in. Anton hits pause on the movie, shifting to look at you. You half-chuckle through your tears, wiping them haphazardly with the back of your hand. 

Anton catches your wrist in his, pulling it away from your face and to his lap. His thumb replaces your hand, gently wiping at your cheekbones. "I'm guessing you liked the movie then?" his voice is tender, not mocking like you might have expected. You nod, "Yes." 

"I'm glad. I wasn't sure you'd be willing to spend time with me alone after… after yesterday," Anton says, his lashes hooding his eyes as he speaks, tone suddenly coy, "But I'm glad what I said didn't make you uncomfortable." 

"...you were worried?" you ask, shocked at his shy revelation.

"Well, yeah, I was worried when I didn't get to see you the whole day today that maybe you were avoiding me. But that was just me overthinking things. I'm scared to fuck things up with you."

You find yourself smiling at his sincerity. "You're so cute, Anton." 

The words slip out of you before you can filter them and the boy's head bobs up in shock at your compliment, and you both sit in silence, staring at each other's flustered faces. 

And then you both break into laughter at yourselves. "What are we even doing?" 

Anton runs a hand through his hair, "I don't know, Y/N. What do you want us to do?"

You rest your head against the wall, humming, "I want us to stay this way. To be with you." 

He chuckles, "I feel like those are mutually exclusive events, no?" 

"They don't have to be," you mumble, reaching for his hair, just so you can feel the soft strands tickle your skin. "I'm happy with you, Anton."

Anton's hand finds yours in his locks, bringing it to his lips as he kisses your knuckles. "I like being with you too, Y/N. But I want more. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I want you, all of you."

His words would've sent your heart into paralysis had they been uttered a few hours ago but having been lulled into the comfort of his presence for a while now, having attuned yourself to your own feelings at last, you feel a soaring feeling, like you had finally found something you had been looking for this whole time.

Anton's pulling you closer, his hand encompassing yours as his face overwhelms your vision. "Kiss me already," you urge him and just like that, his lips find yours, with a crash that makes you giggle a little. The force of his warm lips sways you a little and Anton catches you in his arms, pulling you into him by the waist. 

"Can't believe I finally did it," you hear him whisper when he pulls back, looking at you in awe. "You don't understand how long I've been wanting to kiss your damn face." You laugh into him and he hugs you tight. "God, when you showed up at my door on my 20th birthday, I swear it took me everything to not kiss you right there and then."

"If I recall correctly, you did kiss me," you remind him, "Granted, it was on the cheek. But you could've sped the process up had you just kissed me for real."

Anton glares at you, "You're saying that? Really? After you went mute because of said cheek kiss? If anything, I was being considerate. Plus, I would kill to see you go that red again."

"You jerk! So you were teasing me on purpose!" 

"Well, yeah? What kind of a guy would I be if I didn't flirt with the girl I like a little just to enjoy how she reacts? It's the cutest shit ever!"

You hide your face in his sleeve, "You suck. I lost sleep over that, you know."

"Good to know that it wasn't just me, then." Anton's arms wrap around you so naturally that you can only wonder if this was really your first time being intimate with him. 

When you rise from his arm, his lips capture yours again, urgently like he was running out of time. You return his fervor, just as desperate in your desire as he was. That night, you fall asleep in Anton's arm, feeling his heart beat next yours as you dream away. 

– 

It takes you a second to get used to the feeling of Anton being your boyfriend. Because in many ways, it's the same as always: him picking you up from class to eat lunch together and spending your time together struggling with coursework. But now there's more to it: you walk home, hand in hand, and spend your nights together.

"Hey, you wanna come over and make out after you're done with this meeting?"

You snap around to glare at Anton when he whispers the question in your ear. You hit his arm and he laughs boyishly, shrugging, "What? I'm just being real because you and I both know that's what's gonna end up happening–"

"You're outrageous, Anton," you shake your head, "We don't always–! Well, maybe most of the time, yes, but–" He cuts you off, pecking your cheek. "Yes, yes, whatever you say, babe. I'll see ya in an hour." 

– 

[deadpresidents]

I just hope these next 4 years go by fast

This election isn't just about the next four years. With Trump in the White House and a Republican Senate at his side, the MAGA movement can pick up where they left off when it comes to packing the federal judiciary with right-wing judges who will control the Supreme Court and appellate courts throughout the country potentially for the rest of the lives of everyone reading this right now. It's the perfect recipe for them to continue stripping reproductive rights away from women nationwide and gives them the opportunity to turn their attention to the other issues that they have been dying to attack, from voting rights to gay marriage and every other extension of personal freedom that has been won by minorities and marginalized people in hard-fought battles over the past 60 years. This is the nightmare scenario that people have been warning folks about for the past few elections. It's here. And there isn't going to be a way to put the toothpaste back in the tube.

The consequences of this election will have a direct, negative impact on your life -- possibly on the entire remainder of your life. This country just re-elected a President with authoritarian tendencies who is the willing puppet of a dangerous Christian nationalist movement that figured out exactly how to manipulate him (through flattery) for their aims. They have created the perfect vehicle for a genuine cult of personality that they can use to achieve the goals they have been very clear about striving for over the past few years. And you can't blame anybody other than the American voters because they not only elected Trump, but they gave him a fucking mandate, with a Republican Senate and potentially a Republican House. They already have a right-wing dominated Supreme Court for the next few decades, and now they are going to ensure that the entire federal judiciary is in their control for years to come. And don't forget the fact that a few months ago, the Supreme Court handed down a decision that gave Presidents sweeping immunity for a broad (and conveniently undefined) range of "official" acts, so Trump is going to go into this second term knowing that not only does he not have to deal with the "guardrails" of responsible adults he had around him in his first term (Mattis, Tillerson, Kelly, General Milley, etc), but he knows he can get away with virtually anything and everything that he wants to do this time around. If you thought that Trump's first term was bad, just understand that they are prepared this time and now he's surrounded himself with people who will do his bidding -- people who are perfectly willing to let Trump be Donald Trump.

I wish there was a reason to cry foul, lodge protests, and challenge the election's results. But this wasn't a rigged election. There isn't any confusion about what the voters really wanted. The American people did this. People you know and care about and who say they care about you are the people who did this. We need to recognize that these elections aren't outliers anymore. Trump's supporters aren't simply chaos agents who got lucky on a bad day for the Democrats. That's the country we live in now and we have to find a way to resist it that actually makes a difference because now they have the keys to all the doors and all of the alarm codes. This country has normalized the conspiracy theories and nativism and racism that has powered the MAGA movement since the moment Trump came down the elevator at Trump Tower in 2015. He's given those people permission to be open with their hatred towards people who aren't like them, and it's actually become surprising to see how many Americans have been eager to take advantage of that. I didn't think I had any misconceptions about this country before Donald Trump because I recognized this nation's history, but I clearly had some misconceptions about people I thought I knew until I saw them wearing a red MAGA hat or noticed they had a gigantic flag with Trump's name hanging where their U.S. flag used to hang. Once that happened, it was like a switch went off with them and they started saying things in ways that I'd never heard them speak. I feel like that's happened to the entire country. It breaks my heart and it pisses me off.

For the past few years, I've been warning everybody about how elections have consequences. I imagine that there are hundreds of posts on this blog with that phrase in all caps listed with the tags. Now the elections have happened, and we have to live with real fucking consequences. And we're going to pass these consequences on to other generations because this is the one that you can't get a do-over on. When you give a movement like this the power and the mandate that this country just gave them, there is no easily rolling back the things that they end up doing. They are going to fundamentally change the lives of people in this nation and especially change the way the younger generations of Americans live and love and learn for years to come. And you have people in your life who made that happen. It's another disgusting day in America -- a prelude to another reprehensible four years (at the very least) -- and I'm ashamed of tens of millions of my fellow Americans because this one is on them. They know exactly who the man is that they voted for, and now we know exactly who they are, too.

[suiana]

yandere! auctioneer x gn! reader

"800 million!"

"900 million!"

"900 calling once! calling twice! and... sold to the man in white top hat !"

the crowd sighs while the man in the top hat smirks triumphantly, happy with his item. the item being a small ruby heart stolen from the biggest bank vault in France.

yes, this was no normal bidding event. it was an underground bidding event, hosted illegally by thieves, corrupt people, even criminals! and our auctioneer for the night was none other than the infamous ringleader of the illegal bidding centre.

wanted by every country, he's committed countless crimes and escaped unscathed, leaving little clues to where or who he is. in fact, the only clue he's ever left at every crime scene was the title 'auctioneer'. no DNA, no traces, nothing. he was simply a master at escaping.

and he was also a master at taking things that weren't his.

soon, a cage covered by a red cloth gets pulled into the stage. the grand finale. everyone sits in anticipation, holding their breaths as some helpers carefully remove the red cloth. and there, sat a person, you.

"this is our final item for the night and it's none other than... the next heir to the biggest company in the world - y/n!"

the crowd cheers loudly, mouths watering in delight as you glare at all of them. yes, you had been kidnapped by the auctioneer. it was a mistake on your part. blindly trusting a random guy on the streets when he asked for your help... you should've known better than to follow him to a secluded area.

though what's done is done and now you can only hope for the best. that is... for him to bid on you. after all, you knew none of the people in this illegal auction den except for him. and he honestly wasn't that bad. maybe except for how his eyes would glint with desire and insanity at every mention of you... and the fact that he's a huge criminal and wanted in every country.

in the short time he had spent with you, you had come to learn that he had done lots of research on you. observing you since months ago, he practically knew you better than everyone else in your life. understanding why you did what you did and how your processed things. it was a little scary how he knew so much about you, but what terrified you even more is the fact that he has killed others for you.

from murdering those who wish to harm you, to those who want your affections. what..? didn't he want to sell you away?! but why would he do such a drastic thing?! whenever you inquired about his intentions with you, he'd merely smile, saying that it was for the auction. he couldn't possibly be sellin. you away when he'd kill people who tried courting you, would he?! he's not a sadistic bastard..! right?

so you waited with bated breath, hoping that he'd just stick his tongue out and laugh at the bidders, claiming you as his and that the final item of the night wasn't up for sale. though that was only wishful thinking. after all, how could you trust someone who commits crimes for fun?

"mm... I see you all are interested in my y/n... don't worry~ you'll get to bid on them... from hell~!"

he chirps as he snaps his fingers and the sound of gunshoots flood the auction hall. people scream in pain and terror while you sit in your comfortable cage, eyes wide as you stare at the massacre brought about by the guy who kidnapped you.

shit, he was truly crazy-! you inch away from him as he stalks towards your cage, steps heavy and menacing.

"no one is allowed to bid on you. you're mine. because how could I ever auction off the most priceless gem?"

he smiles sweetly at you, though that sweet smile conveys a more sinister feeling. a chill is sent up your spine as his face comes close to you, only the cage separating you from him.

"you're my priceless gem that I'll never auction off darling~ and this massacre is a gift from me to you~"

your eyes shake in fear as you go still in your place. shit, how would you ever escape this guy?!

"and you can't escape from me. ever~! or I'll bring you to another auction... and send another present your way~!"

ah.

so there was no escape.

[manikas-whims]

hi lovely, first of all i wanna wish u a good day and i hope everything is going good!

i was cooking in the background but got to a block here, and i would like to know ur opinion on this:

lets say sylus (pre - relationship) somehow messes up bad with reader, to the point they distance themselves from onychinus. how do you think he would react and make up? I feel like he would observe from afar and then go ahead try to talk to them, but i have no clue what he would say, whats ur perspective?

tysm for ur work and im so proud to see u grow as a writer ❤️ byebye lovely!

Hiii! I've been wanting to respond to this for so long.. I'm just so tired by the time I'm home these days 😭

And I'm glad you think I've grown a little as a writer 🥺 means so much to me ♡ so sorry it took so long..🙏

As for the ask itself..

If Pre-relationship Sylus messes up,

then you'll definitely distance yourself from him and Onychinus itself because you still don't know him that well. He did abduct you from the auction and held you in captivity in his base. So of course it's quite difficult for you to give him the benefit of the doubt.

And Sylus seems to be the kind of person who doesn't easily takes offense to people judging him based on his line of work. But he'll definitely get mad because you aren't just some random person to him. He'll be disappointed because all it took was one mistake for you to judge him so harshly? Instead of treating him like every other person and giving him a chance?! He'd think you're just like the rest of the people who form an assumption of him based on his appearance itself. To think, he even bothered making an effort..

Thus, there's no communication between the two of you for at least 2–3 days..Not even Mephisto cawing and poking his cute, lil mechanical beak at your window 😞

And this leads to you getting even more angry at Sylus cause LOOK AT THE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN!!! He made a mistake and now doesn't even bother explaining himself!? Doesn't even try to fix this mess!? Yeah..you should've known..he truly is like every other person from N109. It's your fault for being foolish enough to believe he might have any humanity behind those glowing crimson eyes.

But after the passage of those 2–3 days, you finally begin to sort through your thoughts and feelings.

You also start seeing some familiar faces around your apartment. Luke and Keiran do drop a bunch of packages full of clothes, accessories and other luxurious items you could barely afford on your Hunter's paycheck. Nevertheless you reject them all, and even yell at them. “Tell your stupid Boss he can't simply buy my forgiveness!”

There are moments when you just consider forgetting everything and make up but you resist the urge because that would only encourage him. He'll think he can get away with anything if you're so lenient. And so you suffer his absence for the entire week, slowly coming to believe that you weren't important to him at all..

But Sylus is a mature guy despite whatever his reputation suggests. He'll be mad for a while and put off but he'll come to terms with the fact that he made a mistake. And now after giving you ample amount of time and space to sort through your own feelings, he'll finally decide to randomly show up one day at your door, completely shocking you when you answer the door.

Before you can yell at him or push him to leave, he mumbles in a gruff tone. “I’m sorry.”

To say that you are shocked would be an understatement for it's not everyday that the dreaded leader of Onichynus utters an apology to someone. Men like him are used to making people bend their knees and grovel. Used to exacting apologies out of others instead.

You blink several times before asking. “What did you just say? I didn't quite catch it.”

His brow narrows and he scrunches his nose in that way he does whenever met with an obstacle. Sighing, he repeats his words. “I said I'm sorry..for what I did. For giving you a wrong impression and ticking off all the boxes of suspicions in your head. For showing you something that I'm not.” He pockets his hands– a sure sign of awkwardness– and cocks his head to the side. “And I vow to make it up to you.”

Out of nowhere, Mephisto comes flying, perches upon his shoulder and croaks loudly in support of his master.

You try your best to hide the smile threatening to burst upon your face. You'd forgiven him on his first apology itself because one glance at him made you realize how much you'd actually been missing him and his stupidly handsome face.

Still, in an effort to tease him a little, you tilt your head and say. “Hmm..I'll consider forgiving you if you repeat your words once more. On your knees.”

There is a brief pause in which you almost believe he will do it. His expression seems as if he is actually considering it. Then, he scoffs at you and flicks your forehead.

“Don't push your luck, sweetie.”

And you laugh in delight, punching his abdomen lightly. “Fine fine, let's start again.”

You smile and offer him a hand. He looks at it, his crimson eyes roving up to gaze at you, then he accepts your hand, and shakes it. “As you say, sweetie.”

hope you liked this lil piece ♡

» MASTERLIST «

[gorgeys]

hi! big fan of ur maeve works omgg.. wld u consider writing a piece where maeve takes homelander’s wife? i can so see him bringing in his wife, supe or not, to fancy events as a trophy wife. maybe maeve steals her away at some point & realizes she’s 1) a lot smarter & capable than homelander plays her off as and 2) just as eager to get her hands on maeve as maeve is to have her.

just think of the messiest trio shit you’ve ever witnessed. homelander probably knows, too. I don’t even think he’d be mad. two of the hottest women in the world are linking.. he’d prob ask to watch <\3 but erm yeah also don’t feel like u have to write major homelander bits like this is maeve content I just think it’s funny he’s like “damn…. can I join u lovely ladies 🥺” - 🐠

queen maeve x homelander's wife!reader

I LOVE THIS IDEA! THANK U SM FOR THIS REQ!!

this is also over 3k words so brace yourself

warnings: smut - oral, fingering, strap-on, homelander being a dick

the seven is dumbfounded that anyone's agreed to marry homelander, let alone stay married to him, especially maeve who knows first hand how difficult he is.  and they're absolutely astounded that he's landed a baddie like you, but there you are, his hot trophy wife, hanging off his arm at every vought function.

every person in america knows homelander and yours' love story (thanks to vought's relentless marketing team): homelander saved you from a bombing and as soon as he landed safely on the ground with you in his arms, it was love at first sight and the rest was history and blah blah blah.

the part maeve can't believe is that you--gorgeous, angelic you--would ever fall for that monster.

you were called a trophy wife for a reason; just looking at you would make most men cream their pants, maeve included.  when you spoke, she just stared at your lips.  when you walked away, her eyes shamelessly followed you.  when you looked at homelander with all that adoration behind your eyes, she wished she had the power to pop his head like neuman.  but of course, you were a distant, unattainable fantasy.

homelander had you on a tight leash, always keeping a hand on you at all times and jokingly threatening the life of any executive that even looked at you with a sign of lust.  of course, he wasn't joking.  he had killed men for simply touching your shoulder.

he also did the usual homelander things: talking over you, sometimes groping you in public, and constantly repeating the story of how the two of you met to anyone who would listen, especially stressing the part where you were a damsel in distress whose life he graciously saved.

because of homelander, maeve decided to admire you from afar.  that was until one fateful night.

she was smoking alone in the bathroom after escaping another routine vought event where she was forced to keep up appearances.  she had intentionally gone up to the 99th floor, knowing the bathroom would be empty since the event was taking place on a lower floor.  that's why she was surprised when she heard another set of heels on the tiles behind her.

"can i get a drag?" you ask as she turns to face you.  you're already smiling at her, but not that big, toothy smile you give to all the businessmen.  it's a natural one.

she extends her arm to offer you the cigarette, so you walk up to her and accept it.  she watches as you bring it to your red lips with ease that only a routine smoker could possess.

"i didn't know you smoked," she says, crossing her arms over her chest.  it seems oddly out of character for homelander's perfect housewife.

"i shouldn't.  and i didn't used to," you say, the smoke leaving your lips in a short puff.  "not before i met homelander.  i mean, i of all people should know how bad it is," you say, handing back the cigarette and turning toward the mirror to inspect your appearance.

"what's that supposed to mean?" she asks, her eyes never leaving your face.

"oh, i was a doctor.  you know, before all this," you say nonchalantly, fixing your hair. maeve's eyes widen in surprise.

"wait, really?"

"yup," you say, as if you expected her surprise.  it makes sense since most people assume homelander's wife is just a pretty face, not someone who once possessed one of the most difficult and esteemed careers.  "four years of undergrad, four years of med school, four years of residency, only to practice for one year.  what a fucking waste."

well that's why homelander never let you speak—he didn't want everyone to realize you were smarter than him.

"fuck," she says, still a little shocked as she diverts her gaze to look at you through the mirror. "what kind of doctor?"

"ER.  shit was crazy but i loved it.  and i was good at it.  i was always good with the people," you say with a sad smile.

looking back, it makes sense to maeve.  you knew how to talk to, but more importantly, listen to, any person that approached you and homelander.  you were extremely emotionally intelligent.  and obviously book smart as well, considering your profession.  you really were everything homelander wasn't.

 "because i really cared, y'know?  i really wanted to make a difference," you say with the shake of your head.  that thought seemed so trivial now.

"it's like looking in a mirror," maeve says, literally looking into the mirror at your reflection.  she had never realized how similar the two of you were.

"but then he saved me and suddenly it was all gone."

"they made you stop when you got married?"

"well, he made me stop," you say.  she can see the hurt in your eyes.  "because you can't be a doctor and homelander's wife.  no, that wouldn't be fair to him," you say, a hint of contempt evident in your usually sweet tone.

"asshole," maeve says, the hate far more obvious in her voice.  "i never understood why you were with him.  i don't think any of us did.  and now i'm just more confused."

"well, i could say the same about you," you say, suddenly turning your head to look right at her.  "why were you ever with him?"

"because i polled higher when we were together," she answers honestly, getting an endearing smile out of you.

"yeah, i assumed," you say.  "although he's still adamant that you were once hopelessly in love with him.  i don't wanna burst his bubble, but i always knew you were too good for him."

"we say the same thing about you," maeve says, the beginnings of a smile on her face.

"don't flatter me," you say, pulling your lip gloss out of your bag.  "i'll get a big head."

"can't be bigger than his," she quips, relishing in the way she makes you grin.

"true." she watches the applicator glide across your plump lips and then watches you shove it back in the tube.  "did i ever tell you you were my favorite?"

"what?"

"in the seven.  you were always my favorite.  i never paid too much attention to you guys but i was always watching when you were on the tv," you say.  "i don't know, maybe it was the armor or something.  or maybe the way you always stood like that with your hands on your hips.  i don't know.  you always did it for me though."

were you saying what she thought you were saying?

"wait," she pauses, turning her body toward you and resting her hip against the counter.  "so you had a crush on me?"

"mmm...something like that," you say with a shrug, though the troublesome smile on your face answers her question.

"wow." she crosses her arms over her chest and smirks at you.  "does homelander know about this?"

"does he need to know about this?" you ask, turning to face her.

"guess not."  there's a beat of silence.  "how long ago was this?  that you were pining over me," she asks as smugly as ever.

"so i don't think there was any pining involved, actually, but i remember the news would always play at the hospital and...well, yeah, there you were, always distracting me from my work."

"and now here you are," she says, gesturing to your figure while her eyes not so subtly checked you out. "distracting me from my work now."

"oh, am i?" you say, feigning innocence as you take a step closer to her.  she was left to wonder, was this your plan all along?

"yeah.  now i'm just thinking about you staring up at the screen," she says, entertaining you.  her fingers graze your chin. "drooling all over your scrubs.  fuck, you'd look so cute in scrubs."  you bite your lip, staring up at her with those devilish eyes.

"if only you were there that day instead of him.  things would be so different."

"do you wish things were different?" she asks, dropping her hand from your face.

"sometimes," you admit.  "little, naive me couldn't see him for what he truly was.  but i think i can see you now," you say, your finger poking the skin of her chest as you move impossibly closer.

"yeah?" she mumbles, her eyes obviously flickering between your eyes and your lips as she leans in toward you.

she can't believe she's really doing this.  she knows it's a stupid move.  homelander's literally downstairs.  but you're magnetic.

you abruptly grab her by the back of the neck with both hands and press her lips onto yours.  her lips move hungrily against yours, sucking and biting your bottom lip so hard that you're moaning into her mouth.  she attaches herself to you, her strong hands grabbing at the back of your dress and pulling your body into her cold armor.

in a second, she's lifting you up and onto the counter.  she knows it won't be long before homelander's looking for you, so she needs to make the most out of your fleeting time together.  you're well aware of this as you hike your dress up your thighs to save her a few seconds.

she kisses you so hard and feverishly that you're dazed and pulling her further into you by the back of her head.  you barely register her hands sliding your now slick panties down your legs.

she pulls away for a moment and stuffs your panties into the breastplate of her suit.  it's annoying how put together she looks, meanwhile you're out of breath with your legs spread embarrassingly wide for her.

she gives you a look, as if to verify that you still want this. your slight nod cues her to duck down and face your bare pussy.  instantly, she's eating you out like a woman starved.  she rapidly tongues your clit, only stopping every once in a while to suck on it harshly.  your quiet whimpers are music to her ears, only motivating her to throw your legs over her shoulders and bury her face deeper into your cunt. but then she starts to push a finger into your wet hole.

fuck, you're tight, she thinks. his dick really must be as small as she remembered.

your noises grow louder, prompting her to lift her face from your pussy and shush you like a child.  with homelander's super hearing, she can't take any chances, especially when his ears are specifically trained to listen for your honey-sweet voice. you accordingly lift your hand from where it was gripping the edge of the counter and firmly clasp it over your lips, muffling your sounds.  just to be safe, you bite down hard on your bottom lip as you lean your head back against the mirror.

maeve leaves a few kisses on your inner thigh as you get used to the intrusion of her long fingers before her lips enclose your clit once more.  soon your thighs are spasming around her head and you're crying into your hand as you cum with two of her fingers pumping inside of you and her tongue running circles on your clit.

she should stop your quickie there.  she should let you run back to the party and into homelander's arms.  but if this was the last time she was gonna fuck you, she was going to make the most of it.

"we got time for another, right?" she asks, though it isn't a question as she adds another finger to your throbbing hole and you release a choked up whine.

maeve really did think that would be the last of it.  this was a dangerous game after all, why would you run the risk of playing it twice?

but suddenly you're prancing around the tower more often, whether it's to hand deliver homelander his lunch or attend a fitting for your next red carpet appearance.  whatever the cause is, you always bump into maeve, and before you know it, she's guiding you by the waist into to her room to fuck you better than your husband ever could.

"he can't make you cum, can he?" she whispers into your ear, fucking you dumb in missionary.  all you can do is shake your head with your eyes squeezed shut, her panties stuffed in your mouth as a gag.  "yeah, that's why you keep running back to me, begging me to make you feel good.  he can't fuck you like i can."

it carries on like that for a while, you sneaking in and out of maeve's room a few times a week.  homelander's oblivious at first, mainly because he ignores your existence most days. but you make a deadly mistake when he rolls over one night, groping your tits in an effort to coerce you into fucking him, and you immediately push him off of you without thinking.  that really shocks him, so much so that he just lies there motionless, staring at the ceiling as you drift off.

you never deny him of sex.  even when you're not in the mood, you usually just let him use your body or at least rub one out for him.  so he really knows something's up when you push him away not just once, but multiple nights, claiming that you're "too tired."

"too tired?" he asks one night, outraged.  "you don't fucking do anything!  i'm out there saving lives so you can buy all your designer clothes and shoes and jewelry and you can't even fucking thank me by taking my dick down your throat?  i fucking made you!"  you simply roll your eyes and reach under the covers to grab his cock through his sweatpants. your annoyance makes you grip him hard, just how he likes it.

one odd time, after maeve's just finished fucking the life out of you, you open the door to leave her room, your hair still a little disheveled and your panties missing, only to see homelander leaning against the wall, waiting patiently for you.

"well, she really did a number on you, didn't she?" he asks with an amused smile.  you're stood in the doorway frozen and speechless.  he looks over your shoulder and makes eye contact with a tense maeve who's standing a few paces behind you.

deep down, you knew you'd get caught eventually.  that didn't mean you were prepared for it.  "john," you say in an overly soothing tone, reaching out for him as if you're about to start talking him down from one of his tantrums.  would this be his breaking point?

"that's why you won't let me touch you, huh?  getting fucked too good by queen maeve over here," he says, that terrifying smile never leaving his face.

"i mean, maeve," he says, slow clapping while making direct eye contact with her.  he knows she's pissed from the way her jaw locks and her teeth grind together.  "just wow.  i didn't know she could cum that many times in a row without passing out.  you know, you're going to have to teach me that little trick you do with your tongue," he says, pointing at her as if she's just said something witty.  "it just drives her crazy.  i mean, i could hear her all the way from the first floor. maybe we can...practice on her together next time?" he says as if you're not standing right in front of him.  he doesn't miss the way maeve's upper lip twitches in disgust.  "what?  i can't let my two favorite girls have fun without me," he says, suddenly looking back down at you and petting your cheek with his hand.

maeve wants to say something, anything to put him in his place, but she can't find the words.  you're his wife after all, not hers.  she doesn't lay any claim to you.  but, for some reason, she feels like she should.  especially when you belong to someone so disgusting and vile.

things get a little weird once homelander knows.  you can tell it irks maeve.  the thought of him touching you or even watching her touch you makes her skin crawl.  she tries to stay away from you for a little while, but it doesn't last long.  whenever she sees you around the tower, she can't help but remember how pretty you looked spread out on her bed, showing off your glistening pussy.

plus it's a bit of a power trip, knowing that she held this one little thing over homelander's head, that little thing being you.  so at some point, her desire for you trumps all else.

you're on your knees on the floor, your chin resting on the edge of the bed as you push your face further into maeve's cunt.  you can only moan into her, letting your tears mix with her juices as you're being overstimulated by the vibrator that's buried deep inside your pussy.  "god, you're useless," she says, grabbing the back of your head and grinding herself on your face.  she moans as your nose rubs against her clit and your cries cause vibrations to course through her.

"just want you to come all over my face," you whine, maeve looking down to see your lips and chin coated in her slick.  she cums almost immediately, deliciously arching into you with a deep groan.

the mixture of yours and maeve's noises makes homelander cum in his own room with his dick in his hand, so horny from watching and hearing the two of you go at for so long through the walls.

he only settles for watching because you and maeve refuse to let him in on the fun.  and he would try to force himself in between you two, but he knows maeve would hit him so hard she'd knock him into next week.  so he's content on just observing for now.

that is until he notices something.  once the two of you have finished, you're no longer leaving her room, with your heels in your hands, to return to his room.  instead, you're lying on your side, your hand dancing up and down maeve's bare arm, with your body tangled in her silky bed sheets.  you whisper to each other, noses practically touching, about nothing important in particular.

homelander watches you smile at something she's said and he recognizes it.  it's one reminiscent of the smile you had when he held you in his arms for the very first time, landing you safely on the ground so far from the hospital that you couldn't think about the smoke that swallowed the sky and the wreckage littered with bodies.  he remembers how in love with you he felt in that moment, the first moment he truly looked at you and knew he must have you.  your smile is aged and a little sad now, but he can't imagine that it doesn't reflect the same love and adoration it did all those years ago.  and he can't imagine that maeve feels any different than he did at the time.

he sits stoically on the edge of his bed after pulling his sweatpants back up, clenching his fists.  he can't let you fall for each other.  he may have let maeve have your body, but you are still completely his.  and now he must prove it.

this is so juicy i might have to write a part 2...

[pomefioredove]

angelum

summary: morally insecure reader type of post: fic characters: rollo additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, yuu is at nbc now, hurt/comfort, a little fluffy, extremely self indulgent, rollo is ptsd coded as per usual

Perhaps he didn't know you as well as he thought.

But then again, perhaps he didn't want to.

Rollo had become accustomed to the comfortable home you had made yourself within his mind, warm and comforting and far, far away from the dark crevices he worked so hard to stave off.

It mirrored reality, in a sense; he saw it as his duty to keep you safe and away from all the evils of the world, the magic and sin and those who would lead you astray... some days, he felt that he could shrug the rest of his life off his shoulders and solely devote himself to your keeping. Others, he was bothered by nasty thoughts of doubt, those that told him he was only doing to you now what he couldn't have done all those years ago.

Rollo kept himself occupied enough to avoid thinking about it too much.

He did not see a reason to tell you of his mission, of course. You- pure, perfect, untainted by the sins of this world- wouldn't understand. No one would. But you never questioned it, either. Most days, you were simply happy to be treated well (the implications of which he did not want to dwell on; Rollo had made himself a promise not to pry too much about your experience at Night Raven College).

Always so grateful. So kind. Too kind, sometimes, that it caught him off guard. Rollo had not had a friend since...

...Never mind, that.

So perfect. So pure. Everything he could ever aspire to be, but never would, all captured in one person. An angel sent for him, and him alone.

But just as there were things you wouldn't understand about him, there was a sea of mysteries about you.

He can't imagine how you could cause yourself such grief.

Delicately holding your face between his hands, palms gently pressed to each wet, salty cheek, as if you were made of porcelain. He wipes away your tears with his thumbs, not bothering to pull away to retrieve his handkerchief. He can't even think of that right now. Seeing you in such pain is tearing him into halves.

"I'm a bad person,"

"No," he says, almost immediately. His voice sounds more desperate than he would have liked. He can't help it.

"I am,"

He had already spent thousands of nights wishing for some miracle that could heal unseen wounds, but that desire had become stronger than ever now. He would have gladly torn his heart out of his chest and given it to you if it would help.

He hates it. He hates that you make him feel this way. He hates himself for caring so deeply.

Yet, he still can't hate you.

Never you.

"You're not," he insists. "Tell me what's happened. I will make it better."

You don't respond, and it kills him. However you managed to get such an awful idea about yourself, he can't say. Perhaps it came from Night Raven College. Perhaps it's even older than that.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, because it is not true.

It's not true.

It's not true.

After all, if you are a bad person, then what does that make him?

You avoid his eyes. "You can't," there's long pause to take a shaky breath. "You can't make it better. I've tried... I've been trying... it doesn't go away. It's like... I've been shattered into a million pieces, and I can't be put back together again."

Rollo winces, though he doesn't show it on his face.

There are these things you do, these brief moments, soft exchanges of words, certain looks on your face, that remind him all too much of himself.

He pities you. He pities himself.

"Stop it," is all he can think to say. "Do not say such things about yourself. You are not broken. You are not evil. Do you think I would dirty myself by associating with such people?"

You're quiet for a long moment. He does not like the silence, so he keeps talking.

"I cannot address what you won't tell me, thought you should know that no matter what you were told at Night Raven College or elsewhere, here, you are valued. You are wanted. You are the most..."

Rollo hesitates for a moment, taking but a second to compose himself and rephrase whatever it was he was about to say.

"...the most exceptional student I have ever met. Your humility is honorable, but I will not allow you to drown in it. Let yourself feel this, recover, but know that here, at Noble Bell, you are nothing less than an angel."

Failing to find anything else to say, another long silence is cast over the room, though this one significantly less tense than the last. The only noise between the two of you is of crackling fire, though it sounds miles away when he looks at you like this.

Eventually, you speak. "...Thank you,"

"My pleasure," he mumbles, finally releasing the hold he's had on your face for the past several minutes and leaning back to get a better look at you. "...Let me help."

He sits a little closer, bringing your head to rest on his shoulder as he's done a thousand times before within the private confines of his room. Though, this time feels...

The purple and gold of his handkerchief cloud your vision as he gently dabs at your tears until he's satisfied, which he marks with a soft hum.

"Don't get up yet," he says after, allowing you to lean against his body for much longer than he has before. "The fire is still warm."

[sozzledjuja]

Mephisto & Praxina - A Relationship Analysis

Because part of me wishes that the twins' dynamic had been more explored in the show, while Mephisto was still "alive".

There are honestly so many scenes, especially in season 2, where you could feel the main underlying issues between them, but they were never actually adressed or explored.

Also, feel free to add your own thoughts, maybe stuff that I missed, or things you disagree with as well.

Let's start with this scene, from Cute As A Doll, which I'm surprised not more people are talking about:

So, Praxina gets hurt by Auriana's blast, and Mephisto immediately stops his chase for Iris to teleport next to his sister, to make sure she's alright.

Aaaaanddd- she yells at him for caring/worrying, telling him to just go after Iris.

LOOK AT HIS FACE BRO. Homeboy was truly worried, but then immediately gets back in the game.

It's easy to just look at the dismissive and "careless" way in which Praxina treats Mephisto most of the time, and rule her off as "heartless". However, this sentiment seems to also be present when HE tries to "connect" or worries about her.

We see this again in Forget You:

She sees attachments and emotions as a sign of weakness and vulnerability, and clearly doesn't allow herself to feel it and lashes out whenever her brother does.

This refusal to accept love and affection is usually born out of an inherent lack of trust in people. It comes from a place of fear. She seems to prefer to remain impartial and formal as much as possible, regardless of how much her brother (or anyone else, for the matter) wishes to get close to her.

When it comes to other people, I believe she simply doesn't trust that the gestures of affection are real/genuine.

Good!Praxina, in Forget You I believe, was less of a "possibly redeemed" Praxina and more of a "blank page" Praxina, as in, what she would've been like had none of the Gramorr or the other bad stuff happened.

Still, let's not forget that Good!Praxina still clearly had some concerning instincts, so some of her less pleasant characteristics like her destructive behavior, lack of empathy, difficulty accepting affection and praise, and connecting with people, were probably already there since the beggining.

Iris said it herself:

Remember, Good!Praxina still didn't like the idea of helping people when the girls first tried to teach her how to be a good person; Only AFTER being exposed to good influences did she actually begin to redirect her energy torwards "good" goals, and I think this proves that, in a different, more positive enviromnent, she would've definetly turned out differently.

But, alas- she didn't, so here I am, writing this big ass psychological assessment. Which is mostly her fault.

Also Mephisto clearly has some issues of his own when it comes to how his sister treats him (which, let's be honest, while I wouldn't call it abusive, she definetly isn't an easy person to care about).

Also the fact that she seems to think he's incapable of doing anything right definetly bothers him more than he lets on.

It's easy to laugh these moments off but there's definetly something much deeper going on.

Again

And again

And again. and this one was fucked up

And in many other times.

Oh- and the fact that she always blames him for everything. Which is another one of Praxina's biggest flaws: an inability to admit fault or take any sort of accountibility. Aaand shifting the blame.

Which he knows, and this is clearly something that he takes and takes, until he snaps.

This moment in If You Can't Beat Them was also really telling on how he actually feels about how his sister never actually shows any appreciation for his contributions, and seems to think he's weaker and less capable of reason as she is.

I genuinely do not know what goes through Praxina's brain to make her do this. I don't know wether she actually genuinely believes he's stupid and fucks everything up or not.

And Gramorr, although he doesn't outright show much preference for Praxina in spite of Mephisto, seems to share the sentiment, given that he appears to be slightly less patient/harsher towards him than his sister.

What I can say is that Praxina definetly believes that he is the weakest link between them (which might seem like it's true at first glance, but I wouldn't be so sure as to state it), which, given the previous statement, might also be a result of Gramorr himself thinking/saying it, since they've probably been training under his wing for quite a long time, which would make her (and Mephisto) easily influenced by his opinion, as an authority figure.

And he might pretend it doesn't effect him, but we all know that deep down it does, and that he's kinda insecure despite all his bravado.

I think Mephisto's always been more sensitive and more "emotionally-inclined" than his sister, even before Gramorr. I believe that both twins have the potential to be good, but Mephisto is definetly more "hardwired" for it than Praxina.

And we already know what she thinks about that: emotion=weakness.

And part of her wants to keep reminding him she's better too. The girl's got a big ego to stroke.

Mephisto also seems to have more morals than his sister.

We can see that throughout the show he's helped the princesses sometimes: Iris, with whom he teamed up with to save his sister in If You Can't Beat Them, in which he even told her he'd be honored to serve her as queen of Ephidea, had circunstances been different, which I truly believe he meant;

And Carissa, in Statue Game, who he ALSO teamed up with to save his sister, and who, let's not forget, he gave the other evil amulet back to, so that the princesses could reverse the spell that turned that human girl into stone.

And when Gramorr got the last gem, Mephisto seemed to actually be horrified by what was happenning.

He clearly wasn't totally fine with enslaving the entire planet.

Praxina, on the other hand, seemed pretty okay with it.

Ecstatic even.

She's relishing in what's happening, that's what she wants. To bend other to her will, to be feared rather than loved, to have power over others.

Maybe not what she needs, but what she WANTS.

Mephisto realizing that is GOLD from a storytelling prespective.

I feel like he looked at her in hopes she'd be as concerned as he was, that they were on the same page about the situation, only to find her- well, laughing. I joked about this being his "oh shit, these people are actually evil" moment, but I think part of him was only surprised with Praxina. Maybe he hadn't realized just how far this "lifestyle" had actually shaped his sister.

We know for sure that Mephisto has higher levels of empathy than Praxina. And common sense. This is why I always disagree when people say that Praxina is smarter than Mephisto. She might be more "logical" and "rational", but neither of those things equate to cleverness. Mephisto seems to be more astute and more intuitive.

Him starting to realize Gramorr was probably not gonna give them shit is a great example of this.

Which Praxina did NOT even think about. She was on a high, thinking about all the power they were gonna have now that Gramorr was free and back in action. Miss girl, you are delusional.

Honestly Praxina's fatal flaws deserve their own separate post.

Because let's be clear: I'm trying to debunk all of the twin's relationship issues, and everytime, it's clear who's actually responsible for everything going badly in the emotional realm.

I love her but she IS the problem. Not saying Mephisto is a poor innocent baby who never did anything wrong his whole life (I'm looking at you, lolirock fandom). He definetly has a lot of flaws and bad traits himself, but he's not the one to blame for anything regarding his and his sister's relationship.

To conclude,

THIS is normal sibling behaviour.

All the rest I showed above this SHOULD. NOT. BE.

This is not me saying they have a bad relationship, but I am saying that they don't have a fantastic one either.

Also, I blame dark magic too. The Team has confirmed it makes them more irritable, so there's that too.

They really care about each other, and I don't doubt that BOTH of them would do anything to keep the other safe. But they got lots of unspoken stuff to talk about.

And are both in desperate need of therapy

[artificial-transmutations]

Trophy Husband

"That's your boyfriend?" Charlie knew exactly where this was going. He had just shown Linda, a good friend of his, a picture of his boyfriend Theodore, and she already made 'the face'.

"But isn't he..." she began and trailed off, probably searching for a way to phrase it nicely.

Charlie could have helped her, as he knew exactly what she was going to say, but he let her suffer.

"... Perhaps a tiny bit older than you?"

It was true, and Charlie couldn't even be mad at Linda for pointing it out. He would probably have done so, too, if he were in her shoes. The fact was that Theodore was indeed older than Charlie, and not just a bit. With his forty-six years, he was more than twice as old as 21 year old Charlie, and could definitely pass as his father.

"I know."

Charlie knew it, and Linda knew it too. Even though Charlie loved Theodore dearly, he knew what people would think about them. People often assumed that an older man would take advantage of a younger one - that Charlie was kind of a trophy boyfriend for Theodore.

"But it's nothing weird. We're just in love, that's all."

Charlie could tell Linda was not convinced, but forced a smile and nodded, congratulating him on his new relationship.

Later, at dinner with his boyfriend, Charlie told Theodore about his encounter with Linda.

"You know, it's so weird to talk to my friends about us. They all assume that you are some kind of weirdo, or I am just a trophy boyfriend for you. Sometimes I hate that I'm so young compared to you." Charlie said, with a twinge of unhappiness.

Theodore smiled warmly and put his hand on Charlie's knee.

"Well, they couldn't be more wrong. I genuinely love you my dear. You're the only person that matters to me, and you always will be."

Charlie felt his heart melting, and he leaned over the table to kiss his boyfriend.

"Besides, what's wrong with being young? You're so energetic and good looking. Look at me, I have wrinkles already, and my hair is graying. I'm stuck in a boring dead-end office job, and I know that nobody would hire me anymore. I really do wish to be as young as you are again.", he adds with a tender smile.

"You shouldn't. Being young isn't so great. Nobody takes me seriously because I look like I just finished school. And talking about jobs: I can't find a good job either, because everyone is looking for the twenty year old with ten years of experience now. It's ridiculous. I wish I could just magically leave that all behind me and be as old as you. Then nobody would think of us as a weird couple."

After this heart-to-heart, both men grew silent.

Theodore felt weird. The conversation had a strange weight that still resonated between the two of them. Did he really look that old? He stood up and went over to the large mirror in his living room. Sure, he had some wrinkles, and his hair and beard were graying, but it wasn't so bad, right?

He went with his hand over his wrinkles and stretched his skin. Surprisingly enough, once he removed his hand, his skin stayed exactly like that - no more wrinkles, only firm skin. It gave his face a youthful impression he had long lost. It didn't stop there, though. Like a bushfire, the firm skin extended from the point where he touched it outward, quickly stretching out all the wrinkles in his face. The skin cleaned up in the process, as it stretched and firmed.

His hair, too, changed. All the little gray hairs that had appeared over the years returned to their original black color - a process most notably in his stubbly beard that grew more impressive by the minute before suddenly disappearing completely, leaving his chin clean-shaven.

As the transformation spread downward, Theodore hurried to get out of his shirt, to have a better look.

His belly that had turned slightly flabby shrank and became fitter, as did his ass. His biceps grew thicker and his pecs bigger, while his legs became more muscular. All the extra weight he had gained throughout the years seemed to simply melt away, as if he had spent the last decades in a strict fitness program.

Theodore regarded himself in the mirror with a proud smile on his face. Not only did he look fitter, but also younger. His chest hair disappeared just like his beard hat, leaving behind only a muscular and young well-groomed chest worthy of a movie star. His trousers shortened and turned into a completely white pair of shorts, with a generous bulge growing in them. Theodore gave it a squeeze, amazed by the amount of cockmeat he had gained. He could feel himself getting hard just by looking at his reflection. Theodore's eyes turned a bright blue, and blonde dyed highlights appeared in his hair.

Theo shook his head and smirked. He was just looking awesome, as always. And also as always, he was feeling really horny!

He cupped his bulge as he turned around.

Charlie was watching from behind him in awe. What had just happened? He had watched Theodore transform into a young muscular bodybuilder. That couldn't be right!

Still, Charlie himself felt a weird tingling sensation in his body. Fine little hair grew all over him, itching as it did so. Charlie, too got rid of his shirt and pants, standing only in boxers, to watch what was going on. His chest was quickly filled with short brown hairs that continued down in a treasure trail to disappear into his boxers. Underneath the hair, however, his body firmed up considerably. He, too, grew fitter and more muscular than he had before, but it was a different kind of body from the one Theodo- wait, that felt wrong. Charlie frowned and tried the thought again. It was a different kind of body from the one Theo had. Better. It was a product of years of willpower and work, not the easily malleable flesh of youth. That was a body he had worked on for decades!

Charlie watched the hair on his chest turn gray, as he looked down on himself with his usual stern look. It was just his standard way of looking, a fact that made most of his subordinates feel uneasy. Being the CEO of a multi-million dollar company left hardly any time for smiling or all this nonsense. He had to exert authority at every time.

His hair became shorter, styled into a perfect and expensive cut, as their color turned the same silver as his body hair. He touched his face with his weathered, strong hands, feeling the wrinkles all the stress and years of his live have brought him. Sometimes, Charles asked himself if he was getting old. But no. With his 49 years, he was still perfectly in control. He had money, power and authority, and still a great body. And contrary to popular believe, money could buy happiness.

He looked over to his husband Theo, who was busy admiring himself in the mirror again. He was half his age, and dumb as a brick. He would never succeed in live, but he didn't need to. All he needed to do was look good on Charles' side, keep his body in check and present his ass every time Charles' python, which was growing hard in the tight underwear that were once boxer shorts, needed release.

He didn't need to decide or think. Charles' was the one paying the bills and Charles' was the one in control here. Theo was just his trophy husband - and both were very happy with that.

Another request from a subscriber over at my riot page that they chose to make publicitly available. Enjoy!

[elasticitymudflap]

god, okay. fuck. i hate to say that i really underatand where simon's coming from, like, with his misunderstanding of betty and their relationship. because, well, autism. he's obviously used to being alone and people thinking he's stupid and weird, and is just very passive in his approach to other people in general. i know that feeling. it's a barrier you build around yourself to get through a world that refuses to understand you, and by this point you're so used to getting burned from making social missteps that you eventually stop trying to vocalize your own feelings and desires, so you're perpetually waiting for the other person to make the first move so you can follow:

'this cool girl i met has read my work and is really into it, she's so smart and even sees things in it that i missed! and she really wants to come with me on this next expedition? oh wow, okay, great! i mean, she's so excited about it she basically dropped her own plans and invited herself along, so this is clearly something she really wants to do! who would i be to deny her that?'

'and wow is she ever great! on our expedition together she always knows how to handle obstacles, she doesn't even need my help! i really should be following her lead, she really knows what she's doing so much better than me! i'm so glad she wanted to be here and help me!'

'i can't believe we found the enchiridion together! but she doesn't want to come along with me and take credit for its discovery? even though she helped me out so much and is so incredible and i really really like her- wait!! i shouldn't say that last part!! that would be really weird!! i don't want to make things weird!! she had a good time, and since all of this was her choice i won't try to stop her or make her feel bad or do something she doesn't want to. best to keep it professional.'

'oh hey! she left a note for me in that book i was going to check out, god she's so funny-wait. oh my god, SHE thinks we had something special too??! she says she's going on that trip, but she wishes she could travel the world with me??! she even gave me her address so i can come find her??! okay, mesage received, I GOTTA GO TALK TO HER!!!'

'uh oh, i don't know what to say to her, i obviously said the wrong thing just now and she thinks i don't feel the same way. i know she feels embarassed about the letter. i'll tell her letter was great!! it was incredible!! i want her to know that i want exactly what she wants, and that i feel the same way about her, i'll even say it to her the same way she did!!'

all i'm saying is... from somebody of This specific perspective, i can totally see why he didn't question her not getting on the bus, dropping everything to come with him, and all of her other desicions she made in ooo:

'okay i'm FINALLY going to apologize to betty for how the crown made me scare her away 1000 years ago! wait, hang on, she seems really confused that i'm saying goodbye to her?'

'oh no, we're running out of time but she feels really bad about the fact that she left me!! no, it's okay!! i want you to know that love you, and i forgive you for leaving me!! please don't feel bad about it!!'

to him, betty is unquestionably strong, competent, capable, and confident in everything she does. if she didn't want to do something she simply wouldn't do it, much the same way that he knows she would move heaven and earth if she wanted to make something happen; and who would he be if he didn't give her the chance to let her try? he simply doesn't PERCIEVE her to be insecure, overly self sacrificing, and in need of him to be a lot less passive about her choices, the way that someone from the outside looking in obviously can.

autism4autism couple my FUCKING beloved.

[mysticaldistancing]

About Richard's feelings and the ending (kinda)

(I just finished TSH and has some unhinged thoughts that I can't keep to myself.. anyway—)

I strongly believe that Richard never 'loves' Camilla.

Sure, he romanticize her to the max. But to whom would he not in that group? Well, Camilla is the worst one because Richard thought he loves her. One might say "Wasn't he all jealous & stuff?" Thing is, he didn't specify to whom. It's between the two of them, for sure. People will immediately assume it's the girl. Though, considering the way Richard felt such odd, wild rage towards Camilla to the point he say those (yk what,) nasty things. Arguably, you wouldn't do that to the person you wholeheartedly love & worship; except if the person you actually love loved that person, you'd wish all the bad things to them, won't you?

Remember the way he almost cry when talked to Henry in the garden out of desperation, and now compared it to the way he react to Camilla out of desperation. He even felt pleasure upon hurting her feelings! He didn't even think of hurting Henry's whatsoever. Richard couldn't care less that Charles abused her (and instead fantasized those horrible, horrible things.)

The way he pondered to himself, not a single hateful blame placed on Henry, he feels bound to obey, perhaps reluctantly,

And,

He only remembered Camilla when she was around, but Henry? every single damn occasion. And I mean it, I don't want to attach too many media because of how much simple things bring him back to him. Fine, one example.

The way he said, just a second after proposing to the woman he supposedly love, "I loved him, too," and Camilla herself replied "I know you did." And the 'love' here is in the context of romantic love. I hope it makes it clear that Camilla actually awares (!!!), which meant that one time in the past, Henry told her something, at least.

the person he sees the most in the hospital when everything else was a blur? Henry.

It was also beyond me that Henry's understanding of Richard is heavily overlooked by the fandom. People argue if Henry really did care for Richard or that he simply used Richard. Then again, there's a hint of truth in both statement.

I looked at him. There was so much I wanted to ask him, so much I wanted to say; but somehow I knew there wasn’t time and even if there was, that it was all, somehow, beside the point.

“Are you happy here?” I said at last.

He considered this for a moment. “Not particularly,” he said.

“But you’re not very happy where you are, either.”

— The Secret History, Donna Tartt

(Ever wondered what Henry whispered to Camilla? My guts is saying that, it has something to do with Richard, don't you think? and in the last moment Henry said "I love you," strangely enough, to no one specifically. Perhaps, what he whispered to her, was for her. And the second one? You tell me.

This one is a reach, don't know, don't quote me on that really.)

Here's a bonus anyway. I wonder why no one talked about this.

Super domestic. "The first thing," he said. I can't emphasize this enough that these two are mutually obsessed with each other.

[un-bearablysweet]

Ben 10 Omniverse isn't a terrible show, but it often misses its mark for the sake of comedy. And it's not even good comedy either; it's the same old "Lol. Ben's so lazy, ignorant, and irresponsible. It's a wonder how he keeps the Omnitrix at all! LMFAO" And it's like, okay, we get it. Everyone thinks Ben is a moron, but if Ben's a moron, what does that make the people who lose to him? 🤨

One of the times Omniverse misses the mark on what could have been a legendary episode akin to Adventures Time's "The Hall of Egress." It is the episode Universe v. Tennyson.

The episode about Ben going to trial for recreating the universe. Besides seeing Alien X fight, the episode doesn't make any sense. And I entirely blame writers. They did not think of the logistics of how a trial of this sort of magnitude would actually go. I wouldn't be surprised if the trial was just an excuse to see the celestialsapiens in action.

They wanted a reason to explain the different art styles and all the retcons. Which in itself is stupid. As the audience, we know why specific changes are made. They didn't need to hand-feed us retconning; it always happens.

But more to the point, the entire trial is a sham. And it pissed me off to no end!

1. Ben was never subpoenaed. Alien or not, you can't part the sky like the Red Sea and drag someone to court. You have to set an official date and time for trial, allow the defense to acquire a lawyer, and build their defense. This is basic shit, and if your excuse is that it's just a kids cartoon, that doesn't excuse bad writing.

I just can't stand when people brush over essential details.

2. Only in certain circumstances can you forcefully take a person to court. And that is if the suspected criminal is considered a danger to the public or a flight risk. And even then, it's an immediate arrest before going to court for a hearing. Ambush arrests are considered a last resort; considering Ben's positions as a plumber and wielder of the Omnitrix, Ben has little to no criminal record.

3. Due process, refering back to my earlier point, the celestial sapiens would have needed to give notice of charges, and Ben would need to be heard in front of an impartial tribunal. The entire universe is not an impartial jury. There's a reason any Rando can't walk into a courtroom and decide whether a person is guilty. What if several people aren't even aware of the trial? That could skewer the vote in favor of the Plaintiff (Celestialsapiens)

If the writers on Omniverse weren't so focused on having a hate boner for the main character, this could have been a great episode. And it is a hate boner because why else would they pick Mr. Baumann as the first witness. This dude had beef with Ben since early childhood before having the Omnitrix. His opinion is beyond biased.

Also, Rook took the first chance to air his petty grievances with Ben in front of the entire universe in a court of law, and that is beyond shitty. Ben being "ignorant of many things" isn't a proven fact; it's a personal opinion. Also, being ignorant is a crime?

And had Ben been sentenced to death or died in the trial by combat, what was the plan afterward? Rook carries Ben's body to his mother and says,

"Sorry, Ms. Tennyson, your minor child didn't have the mental knowledge and fortitude of a 50-year-old veteran; his death was totally justified. "

If Ben is ignorant of many things, it is because he is young and has only just started exploring the universe. Many toddlers should be behind bars if simply being uninformed is a crime. It's like the show constantly forgets that Ben is still young but insists on punishing him for it.

The court case is to decide whether Ben recreated the universe; his lack of knowledge and irresponsibility are not up for debate. Besides, Rook has only known Ben for a few months; I doubt that makes him a sound judge of character.

I wish they had brought different people to the witness stand. They could have made excellent callbacks by bringing characters like

Tetrax- He is literally the guardian of Omnitrix and decided that even at age 10, the Omnitrix was safe in Ben's hands. Also, the fact that Ben restores the planet Petropia can be used to defend Ben's recreation of the universe. 

Reinrassig III- I'm sure the word of Highbreed Supreme would hold more weight in court than Mr. Bauman. A small store owner on a tiny planet in the far corner of the galaxy. 

Queen Cicely of the Lewodan( ep. Con of Rath) - The mother of the Tiffin, you know, the baby Ben jumped down a man's throat to save. Ben broke the law by doing that but still prevented a massive war. 

Magister Hulka- (ep. Basic Training) Hulka is a well-decorated Plumber and was Ben's academy instructor. Ben passed with flying colors despite disobeying orders, saving Hulka's life. He even gave Ben his medal for creativity and effective tactics. His word holds more weight than Rook Blonko's, a literally rookie in the plumber association.

Azmuth- do I even need to say anything?

Maxx and Xylene are more than familiar with the Omnitrix and Ben himself. 

Paradox is literally the number one expert on the subject.

Could you imagine the cross-examination with these characters? 

And even without proper character witnesses, Ben could argue that what is illegal is not always morally right.

What is the actual crime, the crime of caring too much? And if his crime is recreating the universe without prior permission. The celestialspaiens were a hidden society; how would he have gotten permission?  

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

If Ben was the only living thing left after the universe was destroyed, did he really break the law since no one was there to uphold it?

Especially since he created the universe up until the very moment it was destroyed, so no time would have passed at all.  

Ben's other option was leaving that universe for dead, and pulling a Rick and Morty, but he didn't do that cause he's not a sociopath. 

The only angle that makes sense for this trial to happen is if it wasn't to prosecute Ben, but to send a message. The message that Celestialsapiens are not to be trifled with and that any attempts will be met with extreme prejudice and even death by combat.

The Celestialsapiens have recreated the universe multiple times, with even more drastic changes than just a smoothie flavor. I mean, Grandpa Max can't even open his eyes, and Azmuth's voice has changed several times. They literally point that out in the episode, and yet this is the first time a trial has ever been broadcasted to the universe.

In fact, this is the first time any other aliens have seen a celestialsapien save for Alien X. And even he was deemed a myth. So why now? Why the grand fan fair? Why broadcast the trial at all? They never notified the universe before.

 It's because the celestial aliens were afraid for the first time since their conception. Their entire beings were briefly erased from existence and recreated, and they did not like it! Do you honestly believe that they changed anything about themselves after recreating the universe multiple times? Of course not!  

But Ben doing that sent the species into a mental spiral of worry and anguish with the fear of not being completely yourself. The same curse they've placed upon the universe prior without any hint of guilt.

The trial was about establishing dominance to keep Ben from recreating the universe regardless of his reasoning. But also to prevent other aliens from attempting the same thing. That's why the trial was broadcasted through the galaxy. This was just a bunch of dick-swinging, so the celestialsapiens don't have to face any sort of actual accountability. 

[beomboomboom]

I Love You Thrice

genre: fluff, angst, drunken confession, childhood best friends to lovers

pairing: Seungkwan x reader

summary: The three times Seungkwan has fell in love with you and the one time it lasted forever.

warnings: alcohol, drinking activities

note: This fic is much longer than I anticipated it to be 😭😭 I hope you enjoy reading it though <33

They say that we fall in love 3 times in our lifetimes. The first is the love that feels right, the second is the love that hurts, and the third is the love that lasts forever.

The first time Seungkwan fell in love with you was when he was 10. Of course, he didn't know much about love at the time; only that it meant kissing on the lips and getting married so that you would be with that person forever.

But Seungkwan felt that spending forever with you didn't seem all that bad, and if it meant he had to kiss you on the lips in the process, he didn't mind that too much.

He was your best friend after all, and he would do anything if it would mean being with you forever. Playing with you every day was something he would never want to stop doing, even when he grew old like his grandparents.

"Seungkwannie~" you call from the playground. "Are you coming to play? We're waiting for you to start our game of tag!!"

Seungkwan brightens up at the prospect and yells back, "yes! wait for me!"

As he runs toward you he can't help but feel that when he's with you everything just feels so right.

The second time Seungkwan fell in love with you was when you both were in high school.

Seungkwan didn't want you to know at first, too scared of the possibility of ruining your friendship with him.

But every time he hung out with you, he couldn't help but wish you were more than just friends. He wished he didn't have to hide his desire to kiss you every time you leaned in closer to hear what he had to say. He wished he could just say "be my girlfriend" whenever you complained about a unrequited boy crush you were having at the moment.

But everything changed when your parents announced that you would leave Seungkwan's hometown in Jeju for a life in Seoul.

Seungkwan was heartbroken to say the least.

When you came to his house to break the bad news, tears flowed down your face, "I'm moving away Seungkwan...I-I can't bear the thought of leaving you."

Seungkwan simply hugged you as tight as he could, as if it could be tight enough to make you stay with him. "It's okay, you'll always be in my heart," Seungkwan says with a bittersweet laugh as tears begin to flow down his face as well.

In that moment, all those months of Seungkwan repressing his feelings seem to release. He doesn't know exactly why he decides to share his feelings for you right then and there. Maybe it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. Maybe it was because he simply couldn't hide his feelings anymore, not when you were pressed against his chest. Whatever the case, he took a great leap of faith and uttered the words he would never imagine he'd have the courage to say.

"I like you. I have for awhile. I know it's a terrible time to tell you but-"

You cut him off with a peck to his lips, "I like you too idiot, I should've told you earlier, but it's too late now." A bittersweet smile passes across your face as you cup your hands around Seungkwan's soft face.

Leaning into your touch, Seungkwan bursts into tears again at the reminder of your move. "I'm really going to miss you, you know?"

You let out a soft smile and hide your face in Seungkwan's shirt, breathing in his scent for what feels like the last time. "I know, just don't forget me okay?"

"Never," Seungkwan promises while running his fingers through your soft hair, something he thinks he won't ever be able to feel again.

In just a week, most of the people in his class wouldn't even acknowledge your missing presence. But Seungkwan will never forget you. He could never forget you.

No matter how much it hurt to live life and constantly be reminded of your missing presence, he couldn't ever let himself forget someone as special as you.

The third time Seungkwan fell in love with you was when he was preoccupied with everything but love.

He had worked his butt off for years to finally get a stable job in Seoul, and at the time he was working his way up the corporate ladder, hoping to get a bit more money into his wallet. This meant practically overworking himself and putting in long hours at work, all for his boss to hopefully notice his hard work.

But, everything changed when you popped into his life once again.

It was a random Sunday afternoon and Seungkwan was just browsing the grocery store shelves, focused on what foods to get for dinner that night. As he was deciding between penne or fettuccine pasta, he felt a person brush past him. Curious, he turned to look to see who exactly bumped into him, only to be met with the back of a girl who felt way to familiar to be just a stranger.

It took Seungkwan exactly 5 seconds to realize who exactly you were. But when he did realize, he felt his lips unconsciously turn up in a smile. "Y/N!!"

When you turned to the sound of your name being called, Seungkwan felt all the air leave his lungs. You were beautiful. The features he had once associated with his childhood best friend had now grown to be more mature.

"Boo Seungkwan? Is that really you?" You ask with a laugh of pure joy and disbelief the minute you lay your eyes on your old friend.

"Of course it's me you dummy. Come on, let me take you to my apartment. We need to catch up on all this lost time," Seungkwan says as he practically drags you out of the grocery store, both your faces reflecting pure happiness.

You and Seungkwan indeed did catch up on lost time. That day, you and Seungkwan spent the whole rest of the day talking about anything and everything at the same time. From what careers you guys were partaking in to reminiscing memories from your childhoods.

In only a few days, you had once again had became part of Seungkwan's daily life. The second Seungkwan got off work you were always there to pick him up, ready to go get some BBQ and Soju where you would proceed to catch up on years of not seeing one another. Then, in the morning after waking up hungover for the 29334 time, Seungkwan would be awoken with a cute "good morning" text from you and some anti-hangover pills on his bedside table.

It was only a matter of time before old feelings began to resurface, and sure enough in only a few weeks of being with you again, it began to occur to Seungkwan how much he really did love you.

He just couldn't help but notice how much brighter his life had become since you re-entered it. No longer was he exhausted at the end of every work day, now he was excited for the work day to end so that he could be with you. No longer did he dread waking up each day to go to work, now he was excited to wake up because that meant he could see you. Frankly speaking, you made his life have motivation.

That motivation being you.

Then it was as if Seungkwan were back in high school again, in denial and hiding his true feelings for you, scared as to what might happen to your guys friendship if he were to confess.

But who knew it would only take one night of Soju to break the cycle.

That night, you had opted out of the daily night drinking after Seungkwan got off work. Mainly because you were fighting a cold, but you didn't get the chance to tell Seungkwan that.

You were only able to let out the words, "sorry I can't go today becau-", when Seungkwan unexpectedly hung up on you.

Truthfully, Seungkwan was disappointed and angry. Yes, he probably shouldn't have hung up so fast and instead heard what you had to say. But Seungkwan felt as if you were blowing him off. So, in response he decided to drink by himself.

In hindsight, this was a terrible and unreasonable choice. One drink led to two, which eventually led him to finish a whole bottle, then another bottle.

And before he knew it, he was suddenly standing in front of your front door at precisely 1 AM. He didn't know exactly how he got there, his mind wasn't exactly processing what was going on, but his feet apparently had a mind of their own and walked to your house.

"Seungkwan? What are you doing here?" Confusion etched all over your half-asleep face after waking up to the continuous beeping of your doorbell.

"I-I-I likee youu. I like you so much, I lovee youu," Seungkwan mutters, his words slurring together, as he leaned forward to try and give you a wet, sloppy kiss.

"UH- Sorry- But, how about we have this conversation when you're not drunk?" You say after pushing Seungkwan's face away from your own.

"whyy~ do you not like me? are you rejecting me? we'll still be friends right? Cuz if not-" Seungkwan rambles drunkly as his face gets pink.

You let out a sigh before saying "Come on" as you lead Seungkwan into your house where he then collapses onto your bed and starts to snore. You silently let out a laugh as you tuck the drunk Seungkwan under the blanket .

"I like you too idiot," you whisper with a smile into the quiet room as you give Seungkwan's puffy cheeks a peck.

When Seungkwan wakes up he thinks he's dreaming.

Across from him, is your sleeping figure, sleeping peacefully as he simply stares at you in shock.

No way.

Tracing your features lightly with his hand, he lets out a fond smile. He decides that if he's dreaming, he's at least going to enjoy this time with you.

You're so pretty in the morning.

As he contiues to trace your features with feather-light touches, it dawns to Seungkwan that this might not be a dream the second your eyes begin to flutter open.

"Seungkwan?" You mutter, your voice still sleepy-sounding,"I like you too, you know," You say with a teasing smile.

"WHAT- HOW DID YOU KNOW I- WHHAT?" Seungkwan yells as his mind gets thrown for a loop. Suddenly he pauses as all his memories from last night come back to him. The soju. The confession. The response.

No. He did not-

But he did.

"Oh my gosh...I-I'm sorry-" Seungkwan starts to say before pausing. "Wait. Did you just say you liked me back?"

You let out a silent nod as you scooch closer to Seungkwan on the bed and whisper into his ear. "I love you Boo Seungkwan."

"Forever?" Seungkwan questions with a teasing but fond smile plastered on his face.

"Forever," you answer as you lean down to give Seungkwan a chaste kiss on his lips.

[orenji-iro-no-sora]

Thoughts on TGCF Vol 3

Vol 1 | Vol 2| Vol 3| Vol 4| Vol 5| Vol 6| Vol 7| Vol 8

*Spoilers*

Arc 2: Heart as gentle as a flower

I didn't talk much about the second arc in the last post because most of everything happened in the third volume and I wanted to keep it all together.

To me, this arc was the hardest to read up till now. I was wishing for it all to end which was a sentiment that took over Xie Lian as well as his confidence in what it means to do the right thing waned with the progression of Xianle-Yongan conflict. While in the beginning, he believed wholeheartedly that saving someone, doing something was still better than nothing at all, by the end of it, it was clear that much of his suffering had been futile.

It truly was a hopeless conflict, I reflected a lot on what could be done, what really is the right thing to do and in the end there were no answers. In the face of destiny, there's not much anyone can do and as the state preceptor said: when humans ascend, they're still humans. Gods are still humans, they don't know better and they can't save anyone. Only people believed that Xie Lian should be invincible. He wasn't and could never be.

I applaud MXTX for her depiction of the events as something genuinely unstoppable with so many factors that it becomes paralysing to take any decisions. Having kindness and compassion for all means that making 'necessary' sacrifices is unacceptable as there's nothing, no act in this world that's wholly beneficial, it'll harm someone or something. There's no pure goodness.

Xie Lian did his best though, all his decisions were deliberate, rooted in his virtue, kindness and his desire to save people. He walked the walk, it just didn't make any difference. He was too young to have faced it all and by the end of it, the exhaustion and the inadequacy of his powers caught up to him.

Death isn't something that is deserved/undeserved, it's not punishment that the innocents must be protected from. It simply is and that I think is the most important lesson here.

Qi Rong and the Human Face Disease

Qi Rong was a nuisance from the start. He really brings out the worst in Xie Lian (sibling effect). Out of everyone, he believed too much in Xie Lian's indestructibility and it's not shocking that he ended up hating him so, commissioning those disrespectful statues, inciting the populace to blame him for it all, burning his mother's corpse and possessing Guzi's father. Hua Cheng's hate for him makes complete sense. Xie Lian feeding him his deathly congee was hilarious though.

I didn't realise the severity of Human Face Disease when it was first mentioned in Vol 1. But arc 2 really presented it as one of the creepiest fictional diseases I've ever read. It's the most horrific manifestation of unjust death and I'm just glad it's not a real life thing.

Mu Qing, Feng Xin and The Three Tumors

Seeing the relationship the Xianle trio shared with each other, I finally understood the awkwardness in their interactions during the first volume. While Feng Xin is fairly easy to understand (loyal, faithful, straightforward), I think Mu Qing is one of the most interesting characters. He's insecure but decisive, he respects Xie Lian but also envies him. To him, the end justifies the means which is in complete contradiction to Xie Lian who wants justice at all levels. There are so many complicated emotions between them and the way they go about it is entertaining to read. I hope they can clear out the misunderstanding as we progress further in the story.

The interactions between the Heavenly Officials, especially the Three Tumors, were unexpectedly funny. Every official is multi-dimensional and has a unique personality. It really offered the much needed light-heartedness after the misery of the second arc. I also really like the Wind Master. He's friendly, even when he messes up in shielding Xie Lian from others (poor guy has bad timings). I am looking forward to how they'll deal with the Reverend.

Side note- Ming Yi focused only on the feast is so me lol.

Hua Cheng's unwavering devotion, first kiss, Ruoye vs eming

I didn't expect them to have met so many times. They really were connected throughout their lives. Out of everyone, I think he was the only one who reciprocated Xie Lian's kindness and consideration.

In my heart, you are god! You are the only god, the one true god! Do you hear me?!”

He fulfilled his promise of building the most extravagant temple for Xie Lian and celebrating him with plays and three thousand lanterns. (XL is the light of his life after all). They're so cute and they finally kissed!! Underwater too!! It was still weird though. Just as weird as Xie Lian's heat from the Land of the Tenders. I don't know what I think about it all except for it reminded me of the awkwardness of Mo Dao Zu Shi.

Another cute thing was Ruoye showing off in front of Eming as he cut vegetables for Xie Lian's poisonous soup (?). Them competing against each other and puffing out when Xie Lian praised them was the highlight for me.

[alcoh0lica]

GUILTY AS SIN

￫ summary: you lost in Silent Hill and found a pretty handsome guy, James Sunderland.

￫ word count: 3.5K.

￫ warnings: kisses, good feelings, bad words and fluff.

￫ authors notes: I ended up getting inspired by some imagines from @decay-1, @kiyokowastaken and @theawfuledges. Hope u liked!

*** I can't believe I'm here. What did I come to do in this decaying, foggy city? If it weren't for that letter... The letter. Then I remember the real reason I ended up here. A 3-hour trip because of a damn letter I received from my sister. From my dead sister.

3 years ago we came to Silent Hill to get some stupid documents of hers that she had forgotten in that hotel... What's his name again?

It turns out that on the way back we were arguing about something, it had to do with our house and our parents, her going to college and her leaving me alone with those two crazy people who only got into trouble. Well, our family relationship was quite the opposite: daughters take care of their parents. Funny, isn't it?

At first it was just an argument with silly accusations, but suddenly something changed... the mood got heavier and the fight started to get really serious. She was yelling at me, wishing she had never had a sister, blaming me for our mother going crazy. “It was because of your birth, you know, the doctors did something and she freaked out,” she said. All I know is that the fog started to form right in front of us and it started to get thick, almost as if you could cut it with a knife. That's when everything changed. Someone appeared, a creature that was just skin... but what nonsense, that doesn't exist. A person appeared in front of the car and she didn't see it, I turned the steering wheel so as not to kill whatever was there and then...

Then the car fell into an abyss. It fell several meters and flipped over, spinning and spinning and spinning. I woke up a week later in the hospital with the news that my sister had died. And it was all my fault. I started the argument and I pulled the steering wheel. If I had stayed quiet and let her run over that thing on the road, she would still be here. Marina would still be here and I wouldn't have to face the looks of disappointment and unspoken hatred from my parents, who silently blamed me for the accident.

And then, just as I'm about to leave all this behind, I get a letter from Marina calling me to Silent Hill, saying she's waiting for me at our special place, the one we used to go to on vacation when we were kids. It was crazy, of course it was crazy! How could a dead person send a letter? It was a bad joke, from some unfortunate friend of mine. But if I was so sure of that, why was I here? Why did I come back to Silent Hill?

***

I don't know how many hours have passed or how many days I've been here. I'm covered in the blood of creatures that I can't even explain what they are and so far there's no sign of Marina. I think I'm starting to go crazy. I just killed a creature that was just skin and legs, no arms, that crawled on the ground and vomited acid, or whatever it was. It almost got on my skin. The fog started to get thick again and I don't even know where I am anymore. I just passed Toluca Lake and I'm in the middle of the city. Luckily, I managed to get an axe from one of those shops where bearded lumberjacks wear red flannel. I better run.

As I turn a corner, my first reaction is to raise the axe as high as I can and prepare for a sure blow, but... it's not a creature. It's a... man. A tall, blond man, with a green jacket and blue-gray eyes. He looked to be in his 30s and very tired. He stops a few steps away from me, with a gun in his hands - which was previously pointed at me and is now above his head, telling me that everything is fine. But still, I can't lower the axe, which covers half of my face.

"H-hi... I'm James..."

I can't find the words to answer him, my voice simply won't come out. Could it be my imagination? How can there be another human being here? He looks at me with astonishment, amazed, but with a certain... admiration? That's what I can see in those eyes.

“DOWN”

He yells as he points the gun at me again. But not at my body, but at what’s behind me. Again, that skin creature. The bullet hits its shoulder, destabilizing the creature. I seize the chance, stand up and swing my axe at the chest of that horrible thing. Once on the ground, I aim for its head and split it in two. I didn’t even realize that the guy... James, was right behind me.

“Nice shot” - he says and I turn to face him.

“Are you... real?”

“Yes... yes, I’m real.”

It seems like a stupid question, but he doesn’t let it show on his face. He just answers me with a smile in his eyes. But still... still I can’t help but believe that he’s a figment of my imagination. I barely notice when I’m close enough to him to smell sweat and woody perfume. My hands slowly reach his face and I gently place my palm on his stubble, feeling the texture and warmth that he exudes. To my surprise, he doesn't react. He just stands there, looking at me and letting this complete stranger touched him. The strangest thing is that he… liked it. When he felt my touch, he closed his eyes and let the weight of his face fall on my hands. It seemed like he hadn't known what this was for a long time. What was a touch, a gesture of affection. I quickly took my hand off his face, realizing what I had just done.

“Sorry.”

“It's okay. See, I told you it was real.”

“Yeah… you are…” – we stood there staring at each other for a few seconds but it felt like an eternity. There was something in those ocean-blue eyes that hypnotized me. He snapped me out of my trance.

“What are you doing here?”

“I'm looking for my sister – DEAD,” I added in my thoughts. He didn't need to know that I was half crazy with ideas. – “and you”?

“I'm looking for my wife… dead. No… look at me like that, I'm not crazy! I got a letter from her telling me to come here and find her, but it's been 3 years since…”

“Since she died…” – I added for him. Contrary to what he imagined, my expression of astonishment wasn't because he was looking for his dead wife, but rather… because of our compatible history. There was something wrong in this city… Something that drew us here. He kept looking me up and down, but without saying a word. “I believe you, James.”

“That cut must be bad,” he said, looking at my belly, where there was a blood stain over a tear. A guy with a pyramid head showed up and did that…

“No worse than the one on your face,” – a red mark with dried blood accumulated on his right cheek. This provocation drew a shy laugh from his lips.

I heard more footsteps and, automatically, I put myself in front of him – something in that pathetic expression of his made me want to protect him. I raised my axe, but he pulled me back, by the waist. It was a woman… Marina? It was… my sister!

“Marina?” - I whispered...

“James, I found you, I was looking for you, my dear… who is this little thing?” – she looked me up and down. My God, she is just like my sister, but at the same time she is different from her. She came and grabbed James.

“Little thing?” – even the way she spoke…

“Mary, this is…” – he looks at me and realizes that I never introduced myself, we just stood there lost in each other’s eyes.

“Sydney. Sydney Redfield.”

“Nice to meet you… Who is Marina? Anyway, it’s starting to get dark and I’m a little cold. Can we go, please?”

“Sure… are you coming?” – he says looking at me. But the question seems more like a command, you’re coming with me. I just nodded, feeling the letter from my sister in my pocket burn.

We walked a few more meters and, JESUS, this Mary was unbearable. The way she wouldn't stop chattering and kept bumping her hand into James's, finding a reason to touch him. Seriously, it was desperate. Just like my sister when she wanted to get a boy's attention. It was annoying me, but I couldn't say why. Sometimes I would glance at her out of the corner of my eye, but all I could see was James studying me.

We stopped on a street so he could look at that stupid map of the city again, until I saw a flower shop across the street. Everything was so calm, quiet and fog-free, that I just walked over there. I didn't expect to find so many flowers still alive in a place like this. But there was one there, almost purposefully placed in the middle of the table and alive, one that reminded me of a date… November 29th… my birthday. Hydrangeas that Marina had given me. I put my fingers to it, I needed to see if they were really real. There were colors, shapes and textures proving their truth there, haunting me and reactivating part of the story I wanted to forget. I didn't even see James coming in and looking at me.

“Syd… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Or take you out of your own… world.”

“It's okay” – that same goofy look – “I'm glad you did.” He came closer and touched the flowers that were there, but with a little more force than necessary, making them bloom. He looked sad… more than usual for him.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched… it seems like everything I touch… dies.”

Without thinking much about it, I took his hand and guided it to another bouquet that was there, gently placing his fingers on the petals.

“Don't stoop so low, James… you just need a little more delicacy and patience.” – When I looked up, he was there, just standing there looking at me with those eyes and, once again, time stopped! We stood there for seconds that seemed like hours. My God, what was it about this man that made me so paralyzed?

An electric current ran through James's body the moment I touched him. He shivered and closed his eyes, breathing a little harder through his nose. Trying to stay calm. But of course, we had to leave, so Mary shouted from outside that she was cold and wanted to go to the hotel right away, breaking us out of our hypnotic trance again. He blushed, cleared his throat and said, "I found a way to the Lakeview Hotel… we better get going."

He left the store and I was right behind him.

Lakeview Hotel… So that was the name of the hotel my sister had left the documents for. We found three keys on the counter, one room next to the other. James in the middle. Again, something that seemed intentional. But anyway, it was so good to enter that place and realize that there were no monsters or fog. Just a bed and a shower… that magically worked.

I cleaned most of the blood off my body, half of it not being mine, and decided to go out to look for… I don't know, supplies or bandages. That's when I saw Mary throwing herself at James again, they didn't even notice my presence there behind them… I just left them alone and went into all the rooms, digging up a beautiful first aid kit.

There was a little staircase and a little door too, which led to the roof. And God, what a beautiful view of the starry sky. Now everything was clearer and almost fog-free. The lack of power in the city left the stars and the light reflecting strongly on my skin. I just took the opportunity to lie down on the roof and look up… a breather amidst all the chaos outside.

“Ah… there you are, thank God” – James appeared on the roof, looking relieved to have found me – “I looked for you in all the rooms and couldn’t find you, I was… worried”. – he climbed up on the roof and sat next to me.

“Do you and Mary have something?” – I don’t know why I asked that, it just came out of my mouth like bullets from a revolver. Even I was surprised by the question I asked… He also seemed surprised.

“With Mary? No… She’s just a friend I found…” – he was still analyzing me with those eyes… I just wanted to know what was going on in that head. A desire to use my axe to open his skull and unravel his brain, unraveling every part of his troubled soul…

I was looking at him too. I was going to say something, but a hallucinating pain knocked me out of orbit. It was a tearing pain, as if an axe had been stuck in my skin and ripped half of it off. Which was what had actually happened, but I no longer remembered it. A groan left my mouth, followed by my hands going to my belly. James looked scared. He came closer to me.

“Can I take a look… at this wound?” – he seemed doubtful about his own ability to take care of someone. But I didn’t have much of a choice. I sat up with difficulty and lifted my shirt, exposing my belly and the cut… ugly, very ugly.

He came closer. He sat with one leg bent behind my back and the other open, underneath my bent legs. Again, I smelled that woody smell – only stronger. An intoxicating smell that took me out of orbit. Gently, he dipped the corner of a faded towel in cachaça and passed it over my wound. I couldn’t help but groan, but I added a “see, you can be gentle” between breaths cut off by the pain. This seemed to amuse him, after all I saw a hint of a smile.

For some reason, we were whispering, as if we were telling each other our dirtiest secrets.

“Okay. I think you can hold on until we get out of this hell and I… take you to a hospital.” – Wow, did he really care about me that much? He took care of me, he took care of my wound. Now it was my turn.

“Your turn… come here” – he was a little startled, but didn’t react. I held his face with one hand and, with the other, I wiped the dried blood from his cheek.

Once again, he seemed to let himself be carried away by the touch. He closed his eyes and I felt his breathing change, becoming faster and his pulse stronger.

It wasn’t hard to put the pieces together: a man who hadn’t seen his wife in three years… but could it be that he hadn’t seen any woman at all? How could just one touch be able to turn him off? Anyway, I looked at his face and wow, he was handsome. He was a little over 30, but he still looked young. His eyes were tired and there were red circles under the skin, his lips were dry, but they looked soft.

What was he doing to me? I had only known him for a few hours, but I felt a huge need to have him for myself, just for me… to feel his skin on mine, his lips on mine, him filling my entire being. I noticed that my breathing was also accelerated.

And now, we were staring at each other. And this time there was nothing and no one to stop me.

Without thinking much, I just kissed him. I felt his warm lips on mine.

Suddenly, a hand on the back of my neck pulled me to deepen the act we had begun. Our tongues danced in sync and our heartbeats were rhythmic. Out of breath, we pulled away and I could see in his eyes doubts about what had happened and guilt…

Guilt for a sin that was not his. It was mine. Once again, it was my fault. But this time, I didn't care one bit. I would bear this guilt to my grave.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you, you're married, you're after your wife, everything is so crazy, I don't know what got into me, I s… – I was silenced by another kiss. This time, led by him.

“Don't worry, it's okay.”

“Why do you act like this?” – again the question escaped without me even thinking about it.

“Like… how?” – confused… goofy look… I think I'm starting to fall in love with goofy men.

“Like… as if you've never been touched before. I just slide my hands over your face, and you switch off, surrendering to your world of thoughts.” – I leaned against him to prove my point, but this time, he kept his eyes wide open, looking at me. He grabbed my wrist and brought it to his mouth, leaving a kiss on it.

“I guess I'm not used to this… being taken care of… being… loved.” That broke my heart. Three years without a wife, who knows how he relieved himself or with whom. Mary definitely didn't captivate him, so…

“Why me? Why do you only act like this with me?”

“I don't know… you give me peace, around you I feel like I can be myself. I feel like there are no judgments or resentments. There is no fear or pain. There is only you in front of me, no fog and no monsters. If this is my personal hell… I guess you are my paradise.” – he declared this in one fell swoop, catching me off guard. I could still see guilt for his confused feelings, for his wife and everything else. But it was a sincere feeling.

“James…” – I pulled him onto my lap, made him lie on my thighs and he… cried. He cried for the death of his wife Maria, he cried for Mary, he cried for me, he cried for every damn animal in this city. He cried and I just stayed there, taking care of him, running my hand through his blond hair and telling him that everything was going to be okay.

He confessed his dark sins to me and I confessed mine to him.

There we made a pact that no matter what happened in that city, whether we found our relatives alive or not, we would leave together. We would live together, each one broken in their own way trying to fix themselves.

We spent the night together, in his room. He confessed that he hadn't been able to sleep well for a while and asked me to sleep with him. So I did. He hugged me, as if I were going to run away. He held me in his arms, preventing me from running away. And he slept. He slept, snored and dreamed of his Maria. Just like me, who slept peacefully for the first time in 3 years and dreamed of Marina.

And my dream was yet another revelation.

It wasn't my fault. I wasn't the one who caused the accident. It was Marina.

She had decided to steal a medal from a hospital. A haunted medal. She also tampered with the car, said that the fan chain had broken and decided to change it herself, without any technical knowledge of mechanics. I tried to save us, but she tried to kill herself. She even told me that she wanted to die. That she wanted to die and let me live a free life. A flash came to my mind, revealing that while we were upside down in the car, she told me a secret: he turned the steering wheel towards the abyss, she tried to kill herself and take me with her, but she was happy that I was alive. That's how she died.

I woke up sweaty and shaking.

The sun was streaming in through the broken window. James was still hugging me. Mary was at the door of our room, looking around with doubts about what was happening. She didn't look anything like Marina. The room was different. It was normal, without that rotten smell and without the blackened blood of someone who had died there.

It was then that I understood. Guilt was a sin. A sin that attracted people to Silent Hill to die. Or to heal, as in my case. I understood that my guilt was not a sin. Now I needed to help James understand the same. I needed to show him that there was a way out.

He needed me.

And I needed him.