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The og doomed old man yaoi

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Since Ivan's devil was at its core the extraction of his own thoughts and soul, could it possibly mean that all he wanted was to become a merchant's wife weighing 18 stones, lighting candles in churches? Not an impossible prospect I feel to desire the simple mind of a simple woman, led a simple life and so on, instead of constantly in battle with one's own mind without one's consent.

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My attempt, very messy I know. . .

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I wonder if there are more unexpected declaration of the stray thoughts Ivan had in his delirium because this is gold, "Did you know that I loved your face?"

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Personal thought, nothing important.

Upon picking up and reading The Brothers Karamazov for the first time, I had already anticipated myself to be interested and indeed captivated by Ivan, as many people do, as many people already are. And they are correct, no less. He's impressive. He is that such a complex individual, with such depth, with such development and ideas and thoughts and inner turmoil and monologues.

Yet, why is my favourite character turns out to be Alyosha? (To my surprise, of course. I was so sure back then.)

Well, well. To put it briefly, the mere fact that Ivan is me. I understand him by heart, horrifyingly so, almost feeling myself was being written there, scary! Why he did what he did, why he act how he act, why he chose what he had chosen and why he became mad itself. Ivan is not at the slightest a mystery to me, he is painfully obvious. All his thoughts and I repeat, all his thoughts were the exact copy of mine, even the demon. Goodness. My deconstruction (alone, 14) had completely turned my brain inside out and crush it, I was mad, not delirious but no doubt mad. Strange, unbelievable you'd say. Say what you ought to, I won't condemn you.

But Alyosha. I can't comprehend him, why? Why did he believe with incredible unwavering certainty and is overflowing with love for everything? How come he act like that, say those things, and so on? He is bewildering.

But, he understands Ivan. Despite him being the polar opposite of him in terms of philosophy and belief. But he accepted him, forgiven him, pray for him, listened to him, never dismissing him, cared for him, loved him completely unconditionally, kissed him. And I want that, I want just that! Someone who finally understand, someone who—instead of trying to 'fix' what is me for some reason—embraced me. Ivan went on such length finally pouring out his soul bare without leaving anything hidden, to him and to him alone as "the first reader (well, listener) of my poem", Alyosha simply went and kissed him. Who needn't that?

So that's why. Alexei Karamazov is the acceptance and forgiveness that I yearn for.

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Oh what a shame! We could've had it

(though it was stated that she will play Grushenka, I secretly want her as Alyosha, what an odd thing to say I know)

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What is it about Alyosha's expression in the middle of other people's confession to him because they've always been like, "Why do you look at me like that, Alexey Fyodorovich?" "What's with that look?" "What is it your expression?" Ksjsksj

I'm curious, utmost curious lmao what kind of face is he making

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Alexey "Alyosha"

Can't resist making art of him, this precious boy

Anyone else here had read the brothers Karamazov? Good if you have but if you haven't—

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, READ IT QUICK.

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Why do I get the feel that Henry's love for Camilla is somewhat just a show, simply for theatrical purposes, for he was always portrayed as her 'savior' and the Hero (the glass accident, hiding from Charles, ending his own life as 'sacrifice'). I just can't see the affection.

Like as if it was only to complete this image he made for himself.

Idk it feels like he's never genuine about anything except when it comes to Julian lol.

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People tend to forget that Henry canonically covered his right eye, and how there's a scar there. Especially in fanarts and fancasts and so on that attribute is usually not included

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I wonder who started the 'Louis Garrel as Richard Papen' thingy.

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This is one of the funniest;

If one is really in love with a woman, the person would try to envision the beauty of her, her what, dainty fingers and soft skin or whatever. But have you ever thought of the man instead? Thinking of his sturdy back, the feeling of those big, warm hands? I wonder why, hm.

I think you're yearning for the wrong person than who you said you were, Richard.

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Oh god.

I didn't know we have Henry and Richard as Patroclus and Achilles in the book? Literally written there?

Anyway, see, in this passage, Richard is portrayed as Achilles and Henry as Patroclus (You see, because he came to Richard's dream) that means we know.... Well....

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About Richard's feelings and the ending (kinda)

(I just finished TSH and has some unhinged thoughts that I can't keep to myself.. anyway—)

I strongly believe that Richard never 'loves' Camilla.

Sure, he romanticize her to the max. But to whom would he not in that group? Well, Camilla is the worst one because Richard thought he loves her. One might say "Wasn't he all jealous & stuff?" Thing is, he didn't specify to whom. It's between the two of them, for sure. People will immediately assume it's the girl. Though, considering the way Richard felt such odd, wild rage towards Camilla to the point he say those (yk what,) nasty things. Arguably, you wouldn't do that to the person you wholeheartedly love & worship; except if the person you actually love loved that person, you'd wish all the bad things to them, won't you?

Remember the way he almost cry when talked to Henry in the garden out of desperation, and now compared it to the way he react to Camilla out of desperation. He even felt pleasure upon hurting her feelings! He didn't even think of hurting Henry's whatsoever. Richard couldn't care less that Charles abused her (and instead fantasized those horrible, horrible things.)

The way he pondered to himself, not a single hateful blame placed on Henry, he feels bound to obey, perhaps reluctantly,

And,

He only remembered Camilla when she was around, but Henry? every single damn occasion. And I mean it, I don't want to attach too many media because of how much simple things bring him back to him. Fine, one example.

The way he said, just a second after proposing to the woman he supposedly love, "I loved him, too," and Camilla herself replied "I know you did." And the 'love' here is in the context of romantic love. I hope it makes it clear that Camilla actually awares (!!!), which meant that one time in the past, Henry told her something, at least.

the person he sees the most in the hospital when everything else was a blur? Henry.

It was also beyond me that Henry's understanding of Richard is heavily overlooked by the fandom. People argue if Henry really did care for Richard or that he simply used Richard. Then again, there's a hint of truth in both statement.

I looked at him. There was so much I wanted to ask him, so much I wanted to say; but somehow I knew there wasn’t time and even if there was, that it was all, somehow, beside the point.

“Are you happy here?” I said at last.

He considered this for a moment. “Not particularly,” he said.

“But you’re not very happy where you are, either.”

— The Secret History, Donna Tartt

(Ever wondered what Henry whispered to Camilla? My guts is saying that, it has something to do with Richard, don't you think? and in the last moment Henry said "I love you," strangely enough, to no one specifically. Perhaps, what he whispered to her, was for her. And the second one? You tell me.

This one is a reach, don't know, don't quote me on that really.)

Here's a bonus anyway. I wonder why no one talked about this.

Super domestic. "The first thing," he said. I can't emphasize this enough that these two are mutually obsessed with each other.

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“ “Are you happy here?" I said at last. He considered this for a moment. "Not particularly," he said. "But you're not very happy where you are, either. ”

-The Secret History by Donna Tartt