#I will be normal again tomorrow hopefully it's just been kind of a shit day of being talked down to and I'm tired of the Takes

[eriexplosion]

The thing is that I do think Tech is alive, because I think that the complete lack of actual onscreen closure is downright incompetent if he's not and these writers are not incompetent. But despite this belief, I don't think they should have done the plot like this. At all.

If he's dead, then we basically dropped our autistic character off a bridge for no reason. Nothing was accomplished on the mission, nobody's character arc is affected, the whole entire plot line of reuniting the family we spent two seasons on is nuked for ~drama~, and we spent a bunch of season 2 screentime on things that would never go anywhere. The writers refuse to engage with the loss on any interesting level because the death was sooooo important to do but not so important to spend any of our season 3 screentime on dealing with the fallout.

If he's alive, then we spent a full year marinating fans in a bunch of stress because of the disposability of autistic characters in media, jerking people around with vague hints and dangling Tech in front of everyone while every discussion about it turns into a toxic waste dump. Nobody is benefiting from this, it's literally just a horrible stew of people treating each other like shit over blorbo opinions. Plus some fun autistic panic on the side because the thought of him actually being dead and having to see people constantly praise yet another autistic character's completely pointless shock value death as sooooo meaningful and special makes me nauseous.

So like, I'm enjoying season three, it's been fun and they've done great things with Crosshair's arc that as a Crosshair Fan I've been thriving on. But like, as an autistic person the cloud of the Tech Situation is going to hang over the whole thing until we get some resolution or the series fucking ends and I get to decide what I'm going to mentally write out. And I would prefer to have skipped that whole portion of it.

[naamahdarling]

Edit: Thank you all so, so much. I am incredibly moved and incredibly grateful for everything you all have done. Donations, signal boosts, kind words. We can cover their food for at least one month. Anything sent from here out is most welcome and will go towards their needs, but the food crisis is past for now!

The extra will be held until Raleigh sees the specialist on the 11th and either put towards vet bills or used to get him more of his stinky wet food.

----

Guys, we REALLY need help paying for cat food. This is not normally an issue, they come first, but a lot of bad shit happened this month and it has literally taken everything we had. I have tried my hardest to stretch their food to the end of the month but the boys, all three, are out of scrip food TOMORROW.

I'm so sorry. I don't want to be doing this.

It isn't helped by the fact that their food has shot up in price so much I can't believe it.

Please if you can help we would be so grateful. Just five bucks. My boyfriend's PayPal is theothershea@gmail.com.

We need a total refill on Dried Pickle Man/Sid tummy care kibble, and hopefully a month of wet food for Raleigh, which is around $300 for it all. That sadly isn't an error. That isn't even touching the cost of their vet plans and vet debt, which are another $300, and we are behind by about $100 on the vet plans. But all we really need is most of that $300 for food.

The boys can't be off their scrip food. Sid becomes violently ill (I had to buy hospital biohazard spill absorber for when he throws up) with even a little regular food, and Dried Pickle Man eats the same food he does. For Raleigh, well, he's dying. He needs to be kept comfortable for what time he has left and without this food he develops extremely painful and very dangerous urinary crystals very fast and without wet food he can't eat without severe pain in his mouth. We are trying to fix his teeth but need clearance from a specialist which we cannot get until July. He has already been off his scrip food for a couple of days.

We have gotten along this far via Patreon every month, which pays for a lot of the cat stuff, but PayPal and Patreon are holding over $700 of our money due to some sort of technical issue and I don't know when that can be resolved. Without it, we will have nothing in either bank account by the end of the month. Like. Nothing.

We need help. Badly.

Again, my boyfriend's PayPal is theothershea@gmail.com.

All money will go to him to get food for the cats and pay for their monthly plans and medical debt.

This is Raleigh, who will take your fingers and kiss them if you hold your hand out. Please at least help us get wet food for him so he can eat without pain while he is still here to hold my hand.

(If Raleigh does pass before his food runs out, we can easily return the remaining cans and put that money toward the cost of the euthanasia.)

(Reference, reference. These foods cost the same everywhere I can find, and have gone up in price a lot because greedflation, which is a big part of why paying is suddenly more of an issue.)

[capitalisticveins]

Darlin’ and Cutie (separate) HCs

For one of my favorite followers @ajfromabove ! Good job on your project! Hopefully these are good ^^

- Cutie is ridiculously tall, very noticeable height difference between them and Geordi.

- Tank does not snap off Kit-Kats or Hersheys, they eat both chocolate bars in 2 bites max. 

- They also have a tendency to not separate the paper on Fruit Roll-ups when eating them. You can imagine where I’m going with this.

- Cutie had a magic 8-ball as a kid that they keep around in their drawer.

- While at the Pack Solstice, Sweetheart scared the shit out of Tank, and this triggered their Fight-or-Flight response, which caused Tank to try and punch Sweetheart. The only problem is that Sweetheart was intangible, meaning Tank just punched a big ass hole in the wall. The solstice was at David and Angel’s house, so SH and Tank had to make up an excuse to leave at the same time immediately before David found out (because Angel didn’t care).

- Tank has shifted and chased their tail for 2 hours straight on their way to a pack meeting before. David found them on his way out the meeting still chasing it.

- Cutie has, and let me make this clear, the MOST RELAXING room ever. Remember when I said Lasko had surround sound speakers that play raining sounds and like 8 pillows? Yeah Cutie has all of that tenfold. When Geordi moved in with them, they had to sell some of it to make room, but they kept each and everyone of their pillows and bought headphones that play relaxing music.

- Cutie knows how to get rid of normal headaches easily. Whether it’s tea, medicine, or a nap, the max time they have a headache is usually 3 hours due to their tactics.

- Tank hasn’t been to the dentist in 4 years, but their dental hygiene is also through the roof.

- Cutie cannot, for the life of them, climb over a fence or jump over one.

- Cutie always dresses up as the same thing for Halloween, I just don’t know what they dress up as.

- Tank dressed as a Vampire for Halloween once, but the fake teeth they got was less sharp than their actual teeth so they didn’t fit, and they were pissy the whole day because of it. (Yes Sam has teased them about it)

- Cutie is a giggly drunk, who is extra flattery towards Geordi (You know those scenarios where Character A is drunk and goes “don’t talk to me my boyfriend is better” to Character B, the boyfriend, and is all flattered and blush-y? That.)

- Tank doesn’t usually get drunk but they’re the kind who gets drunk and then you don’t see them again the rest of the night.

- Tank does pull-ups like there’s no tomorrow, their biceps are NOTHING to joke about.

- Cutie had a parrot once but it passed a year before they met Geordi.

- Tank isn’t good at cooking but Sam is teaching them how. David takes offense to this because he’s offered to teach them how and they declined instantly. 

- Cutie has one of the best wardrobes in the cast. On par with Baaabe and Milo.

- Tank had made cupcakes once with Sweetheart’s help in their last Solstice before going to Washington. It was supposed to be for the whole pack but then they said they’re exclusively for David and Asher. The frosting had the same color palette as the gay pride flag (the blue and green one).

- Sweetheart had to make 4 batches of cookies after Tank proclaimed the cupcakes were only for Asher and David since they promised they were bringing something for the Solstice.

- Asher didn’t understand the reference behind the cupcake design but said they were pretty. David glared at Tank for the rest of the night and Tank burst out laughing whenever they made eye contact.

- Cutie and Sweetheart do know each other, or have at least heard each other’s names in passing.

- Cutie has a full morning routine that even Geordi is scared to break.

- Tank is terrified of pregnant spiders and calls them “Satan’s piñata’s”.

- Cutie fantasizes of living in a small cottage in the woods near a stream.

- Tank believes living in one of them is the fastest way to get killed and never found.

- Tank makes fun of people who bought blue checkmarks on twitter.

- Cutie loves all the Sims games individually (they only have Sims 4).

- Tank has played Minecraft with Angel ONCE. It ended with them fist fighting 3 zombies and a skeleton at once bc they refused to run away or get a weapon, and ended with them being killed by a creeper right after they won.

- Cutie has so much blackmail on so many politicians it’s crazy.

- Tank had a full group of friends in their old pack, which is why it took a while for them to warm up to the Shaw Pack.

- BOTH Cutie and Tank can pick up Geordi and Sam like they’re cats.

- Additionally, Tank has done the same thing to Milo, but only when he’s shifted.

- Tank would’ve used ChatGPT to do their essays back in high school if it existed. Instead they just never did their essays unless they felt like it.

- Cutie doesn’t get social cues.

- Cutie is, without a doubt, extroverted asf.

- Tank was a skater through middle school and high school, and got a concussion once.

- Tank absolutely HATES the nickname Precious. Even the word makes their skin crawl. Only instance they’ll willingly stick around when someone says it is if they’re watching Lord of the Rings.

- Whenever they order pizza, Cutie leaves the garlic for Geordi because they know how much he likes it.

- Tank sucks the frosting off of cupcakes before eating them.

- Cutie used to watch MLP like their life depended on it.

- Cutie owns heelys, that’s the closest they’ve gotten to skating.

- Tank has a BIG ass family, 7 of their family members live in Washington, the rest are kind of scattered around the US.

- Tank’s real name is something they consider “lame and  stupid” so they just go by Tank, and usually glare at anyone who says their actual name (Arden is the main perpetrator).

- Sam didn’t know Tank’s actual name until he went to the winter solstice and Arden came out of nowhere saying hi, and then their name. Sam was confused about who Arden was talking about. Tank slapped their hand over her mouth and started harshly whispering something unintelligible to her.

- Tank wouldn’t say who the name belonged to, so he went to Milo, who explained that it’s Tank’s actual name, they just don’t like it.

- He teased them with it once but that resulted in him being stuck under a shifted Tank for 3 hours.

- Cutie is photogenic as FUCK.

- Honey and Cutie have been friends since high school. Honey was extremely rude towards Cutie but they stuck around because they read their mind and realized Honey likes Cutie being around. It’s an Asher/David situation.

- Cutie helped Honey and Guy meet in college

- Don’t let Tank play Kahoot. Just don’t.

[fabbyf1]

Howdy, Besties 🫡

I hope everyone is doing well and staying hydrated!

I am taking a much needed vacation as of tomorrow morning until the end of the month. (I AM FREE AT LAST!!!!!) I probably won't write very much while I'm there.

BUT HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS:

I have a quick little Lestappen PWP in the works for you! I've finished writing it; it just needs to be edited. I think you are going to enjoy it. I think it will also make you scream... (in a good way), and I'm very excited to see your reaction. I'm a fucking meme if I've ever seen one. This will most likely be posted tomorrow night (Friday PST). Hopefully, this can hold you all over until I get back home 😈😂😎

I've started working on a longer plotty fic again! But it's going to be a different pairing this time around. I hope that's okay with you all. I know many of you are only here for Lestappen, and that's okay! I love Lestappen, and I'm not done writing for them by any means. I have lots of fic ideas and WIPS for them. They're my fav ship to write for. I have just owed @takenquicklys a Maxiel fic for a while now... 😂

I'll still be lurking around these streets while on vacation, bothering you all, and posting cursed content. I'm not planning on disappearing. I'm just not going to force myself to write (for once). If it happens, it happens, but I'm not planning on writing until I get home.

ANYWAY... my plotty Maxiel fic will probably take a few weeks to write, but in the meantime, here's a little snippet for you. I hope you'll enjoy it, even if you're only here for Lestappen! This fic is a little angstier than I normally write... but it will still have lots of Fabby Fluff.

Enjoy besties and have a great weekend!

When Daniel decided to leave Red Bull in 2018, Max was... confused. He wasn’t hurt, necessarily, but it was hard not to take it a little bit personally. Because nobody leaves Red Bull Racing to go to a mid-field team. 

It had to be at least a little bit personal. 

Their last season together got a little rough around the edges. After being teammates for so many years, they were bound to come together on track every now and then. It was nowhere near the battle of the silver arrows back in 2016, but every time they came together in 2018 seemed to be worse than the time before. 

They could usually move past it.

They would ignore each other for a day to cool off, and then they’d pretend like nothing ever happened.

It was good.

It was working.

But some incidents were harder to move past than others.

(Well done, Baku.) 

After Daniel left, things got better. They were able to just be friends again and not worry about being teammates. Max became the veteran of his team and saw new teammates come and go, and Daniel had great results for Renault. 

Everything was going great for both of them. 

But then McLaren happened. 

McLaren took a lot from both of them. 

For Daniel, it took away his pride. It took away his confidence. It turned this tall, cocky, king of the late-breaking man into a too-small, too-skinny, twitchy-on-the-break-pedal kind of guy. It was hard to watch at times. 

To make matters worse for him, everyone compared him to Lando. Which wasn’t fair because Lando had been with McLaren for years. Lando already knew how to get the most out of that shit-box of a car. Daniel still had to learn. 

For Max, it was hard to watch his best friend hit rock bottom. Especially because Max was having such a great year in comparison. He was leading the championship for the first time. He was winning every weekend, his race suit was always damp with champagne, and he was confident that he would become World Champion at the end of the year. 

2021 was the best and worst year of his life. 

He won the championship, but he lost his best friend. 

Fucking McLaren.

[kaesaaurelia]

trying to remind myself that the Eleven PM I Didn't Do Anything Today Sads hit me sometimes (specifically at 11 pm) even after I've:

- finally remembered to schedule a vaccination appointment for tomorrow*

- also finally remembered to put in for a prescription refill

- shredded some old paperwork

- cleaned all the metal fixtures in the bathroom

- fixed the bathroom sink**

- washed the dishes

- taken out the garbage***

- made dinner

- put away leftovers for tomorrow

- washed dishes again & cleaned the counters/stove

The Eleven PM I Didn't Do Anything Today Sads don't mean I didn't do anything today. They meant I didn't do like 2 specific things that I had my heart set on which I think in this case was laundry (I can do that tomorrow, hopefully, before the deadly Vaccine Arm Ache sets in) and catching up with ALL my Whumptober, but like. the garbage was really bad and the laundry really needs doing because I have been kind of neglecting other stuff in order to stay up late and write, and the past few days I just haven't been doing that, and it's been better. (Sorry @ the people who have been following one or more of those stories, they probably won't all get done by the end of October but I gotta put myself first.)

--

* finallyyyyy. they had inexplicably not received any delivery of doses for the booster when I went to get it so I got some other vaccines and had to wait 2 weeks and then had a bunch of other shit to do and it was a whole thing. otoh I got my first shingles shot, which is great, because I'm only 35. no idea why my insurance paid for it, but you can get shingles when you're surprisingly young, so if you can get your shingles vaccines you should. I thought it might be a bureaucratic mixup and I was ALL IN on taking advantage of that shit but it turns out BCBS is letting 35-year-olds get them in Illinois? idek. my mom hasn't even had her shingles shots.

** which, if you are a renter, normally that should be a landlord task, please always contact your landlord if you rent and something that's part of the rental breaks in your home! I say this because Younger Me was always worried I'd get in trouble for breaking things and YOU WILL NOT. or if you do it's because your landlord fucking sucks! in this case, however, it was a fairly minor issue and my landlords are actual people I can have a text conversation with, and they are usually very on top of repairs, but I haaate having to Schedule A Day For A Repair when I could just... use a screwdriver on the broken thing... and also I like knowing how to fix things generally... so I asked for advice and got a link to a comprehensive youtube video for the model of faucet I have, and now I know how the bathroom sink handles work. but like. contact your landlord. make your landlord do it. especially if it has anything to do with fire, water, electricity, bugs, or mold. there's probably a pokemon types mnemonic in there but I'm tired and don't know pokemon well enough.

*** really badly needed taking out. D: maggots. bad.

[killemwithkawaii]

L.S.S.: No progress on leaving, but the inbox has some new stuff… I guess we can see if anybody has any more ideas before we try and figure out our sleeping situation?

Mitch(1): [typed] Yeah, okay. And we thought the sheets were dirty when we got here…

L.S.S.: Good to hear from you, MJ. Yeah, the last few days have been… not ideal. 

Mitch(1): [indecipherable]

L.S.S.: What? I know that’s putting it too lightly. Sarcasm is my defense mechanism of choice, you know that.

So, fae are real, huh? And you got spirited away by some fairy king creep while you were walking alone in the woods at night? Wow. Shocker. Why am I not surprised…

Mitch(1): [typed] MJ! You’re okay!! I’m so relieved…! 

L.S.S.: Oh my god, you actually punched him over that? Ha! Serves him right! 

Mitch(1): [typed] I usually don’t think violence is the answer, but when the chips are down and you have no other choice, it can be necessary. Hopefully, that punch will be enough of a warning. Just try to talk it out with from now on him, okay? 

L.S.S.: And if that doesn’t work, go for the balls. Fae have balls, right? Keep us updated, I’m actually kind of curious.

Mitch(1): [typed] keep us updated so we know you’re okay!

L.S.S.: Oh yeah, that too. I thought that went without saying…?

Mitch (1): ….

L.S.S.: WOAH, AWESOME!! It's the medical supply motherload!! Damn Meadow, way to come through...! I guess we can start patching ourselves up, huh Mitchie? If we're still alive somehow, maybe we can heal, too...? It's a stretch, but it's not like anything else here makes any sense, so it's worth a try... oh, hey, I bet I could learn to pop some wheelies in this thing [the wheelchair], once we reset my arms and fingers! Nice...

Mitch(1): ......

[typed] Thank you very much, Meadow. It's really thoughtful of you to give us all this. We'll be sure to put it to good use.

L.S.S.: ...are you okay?

Mitch(1): .....

[typed] Yes, I'm fine. I think I just need some more water in my skull hole. And I want to start picking this glass out of me, since we have tweezers now.

L.S.S.: ...

Okay, yeah, of course, we can do that... er, I mean, you can do that... I'd help, but I can't really do fine motor functions right now.

Mitch(1): [typed] Okay.

L.S.S.: ....

L.S.S.: It is really weird, but so is everything else about this situation, sooo...

Mitch(1): ...

[typed] We looked behind it, but I don't think we looked closely at the back. I'll take a look.

......

[typed] What does 'K.E.W.K.' stand for?

L.S.S.: It says that on the back?

Mitch(1): [typed] It has 'K.E.W.K. x L.S.S.' scratched into the wood in a little heart. L.S.S. is what you go by with your friends, right?

L.S.S.: ... shit, that... probably isn't good...

Mitch(1): [typed] This painting seems like nothing but trouble. Should we try to throw it away? Should we destroy it?

L.S.S.: No! That might make things worse! Besides, I... if we are stuck here forever, I... kind of want to keep it...

Mitch(1): [indecipherable, angry]

L.S.S.: What? It's theirs. I don't know if I'll ever see them again... I can't keep something to remember them by?

Mitch(1): ....

L.S.S.: ...?

Mitch(1): [typed]Sal, I'M MITCH! The only reason you were ever with the others is because you couldn't have me, remember? Why do you want to keep something from my copy when I'm right here?!

L.S.S.: They're not your copy. They're you.... just different. And I was supposed to be with them this month... I'm supposed to be with them right now.... I may be here, but I still I miss them, just like I missed you. What's wrong with that...?

Mitch(1): ........

[text deleted]

.......

L.S.S.: ........

Listen, it's been a fucking crazy day and we're both exhausted. We'll talk more about this in the morning, okay?

Mitch(1): ..........

L.S.S.: ... c'mon. Let's change the sheets and get in bed. We'll talk and keep trying to figure out how to get out of this 'box' tomorrow. Who knows, maybe we'll wake up and be back to normal again...

Mitch(1): .... [nodding]

L.S.S.: Okay. Here, I'll... hold down a corner of the sheets, I guess....

Mitch(1): .......

[jodilin65]

I snored myself awake when I could have used another hour or two of sleep and finally I said, I gotta do something about this shit. Sleep cursed or not, no getting around it or not, I've got to at least try something. So, since it will be a while before I see the next pulmonologist and even longer before and if I can get a mouthguard, I really do have to try to lose a little weight. I didn't have this problem 10 lb ago, although it still seems a hell of a coincidence that as soon as I move to a quieter place where traffic isn't waking me up, I start snoring myself awake. Again, it's like something always wants to fuck with my sleep. At least I wasn't as tired as I normally would be after being shorted on sleep. I really do think the waterbed is helping. It's so much more comfortable. The vitamins help too but I don't want to overdo it so I'm taking them every other day and will see how I feel.

Anyway, Atkins is a bit extreme and not good for people like me, so I'm thinking of going Keto. They recommend 20 to 50 carbs a day instead of just 20 like Atkins. Thanks to AI, I could really get some helpful info on it. Most of it is common sense but it's still nice that I can ask it for a menu plan if I want or if a specific food or drink is acceptable on that diet, what the carbs are, etc. I still don't want to drive myself too crazy with all kinds of restrictions. I also still don't think my body will give up its weight due to a combination of my thyroid, being older, and my body being used to being where it's at but I'm going to make one last-ditch effort along with trying to get help with the two sleep disorders. No matter what the doctor says, everything is up to the insurance company in the end. Never the patient and the doctor which is all wrong but just the way it is. They get the final say whether I like it or not, so if there's anything that can help me that I can't afford that they won't cover, I'm shit outa luck.

Thanks for all the story ideas some of you offered on different sites but I think I'm going to take a break for my story and come back to it later with a fresh mind and see what I want to do with it then. I might work on something a little simpler with a less intricate plot instead.

I was frustrated today because my Temu package arrived in Florida last night but it wasn't transferred to the post office in time to get to me today. Because tomorrow is a holiday, I'll have to wait till Friday.

Here we go with the fireworks again although it hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be… yet. Tomorrow night I expect some chaos, understandably, because it will be the fourth but hopefully, it won't go on and on and on for so many hours. Like anyone really gives a shit about the country's birthday anyway as opposed to making noise to get attention?

I'm finishing up the first of five rides of VZ’s latest challenge which are in France in honor of the upcoming Olympics.

I read that Jordan Chiles almost quit gymnastics because she “didn't think the sport wanted her” because of her race and I’m like, she's kidding, right? After Gabby Douglas, Simone, and other black gymnasts, she really thought that? Some people really see racism in everything and I mean everything, even when it's not really there. It's attitudes like hers that make whites look bad.

Grow up, Jordan, and stop making excuses! If you want to throw your talent away and quit for other reasons, do it. But don't blame whites for why you really want to throw in the towel.

Since I bitched about the famous, how about the infamous? When I read that Susan Smith was up for parole, I couldn't help but ask how the hell someone can drown their two kids and have it shot at parole, even if they're unlikely to get it at first, while Jodi Arias can kill her gaslighting, mindfucking boyfriend (not that he deserved it), and get life with no chance of parole. WTF???

[timeoverload]

I'm not sure how I made it through the day but I did it. A lot of it was horrible but surprisingly there were no tears. I was swearing a lot though. I had 32 cases and it was so crazy that the coordinator had to help me most of the morning. She was being very nice and I really appreciated her help because I probably would have wanted to walk out otherwise.

The fastest doctor had 2 rooms again and he was completing surgeries in less than 6 minutes so it was impossible to keep up even though 2 of us were working on stuff at the same time. He did 15 surgeries in less than 3 hours. I didn't get to eat breakfast and I had a horrible migraine when I woke up this morning but I took medicine so I could keep going. There were also 6 surgeries on the other side of the hospital and they kept forgetting to bring me stuff so I had to go back and forth so many times. It was exhausting.

I was so happy that someone covered my lunch because I thought I was going to pass out. I got a cup of soup because I really did not want to eat their sandwiches. It wasn't enough but at least I had something so I wasn't as nauseated. I was happy that I got to sit and talk with my friend again for a little while. I did get annoyed because someone was using the microwave in the cafeteria and they set their bagel on fire somehow. I'm not sure how they managed to do that but there was a lot of smoke so I had to get up and leave.

There were 5 specialty cases this afternoon and 4 of them were different kinds of corneal transplants so they used a lot of shit. I was turning over instruments all day. I got frustrated at the end of the day because the only corneal transplant tray we have got contaminated before the last case when they were opening. The tech got a bunch of holes in her glove somehow but the gloves were close to expiring anyway so I guess that makes sense. I rushed to get the tray in the autoclave but the cycle takes 50 minutes so it wouldn't be ready in time so I'm glad we had some instruments wrapped individually in the closet. I got all of my stuff cleaned up and I went and sat in the hallway and watched the last case which was a complex corneal transplant. I have never seen anything like that before. The evening team lead even came out of the department to watch because it was slow. I normally don't get grossed out by eye stuff but I felt like I was watching a horror movie for a while. I probably shouldn't describe it in detail. I wasn't planning on staying late because there was a tech that could clean the instruments for me but I couldn't stop watching. I ended up staying an hour late but it was voluntary so I can't complain.

Earlier I thought I was going to fall asleep when I got home but I'm wide awake right now. I wish my body wasn't tired so I could actually accomplish something. I think I have just had an absurd amount of caffeine today but I'm sure I will crash in an hour or 2. I'm not very hungry but I will try to eat something.

I really wanted to see you this weekend too but I don't think that's going to happen because you haven't talked to me. I've also been wanting to try that beer since last year but I don't think I will get to this year either. I would love to get out of the house and do something fun. I hope everyone has a great time though.

I'm not really planning on doing anything this weekend. I'm going to make myself get up early tomorrow and take a long shower. Then I'm going to go to the store and pick up my medicine. That's about it. I know I'm going to be hurting in the morning. I'm hoping that I don't feel too bad. I don't want to sleep all day.

I didn't have any quiet time today so I think I need to relax now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do the rest of the night. I guess I'm going to hang out with Salazaar. I'm probably not going to be able to get up for a while anyway because he fell asleep on my feet. I'm not planning on staying up late because I want to wake up early. I don't have much else to say right now. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too!!! 💖💖💖

[momzyalive]

Day 1 [1/8/24]

I've decided to quit weed. I'm not sure what my end goal is, I'm not sure if I plan to go back and attempt to use sparingly like a normal person, but I know that I need to change my habit, and make sobriety my new baseline. I haven't really reflected too hard on how smoking has become my homeostasis. Still, one day in, it seems painfully obvious as if I should've known how integral being high has been attributed to my day-to-day functional mood. Kinda weird to admit that, definitely not proud, but I'm going to hope that getting the conversation started and being honest with myself will be paramount in continuing this journey and making positive changes in my life. I think about the time I went sober when trying to rizz up Stephanie. While my rationale for quitting was very arbitrary and I just wanted to be on her playing level, the amount of control I felt was hard not to notice. I'm really hoping that I can channel that energy and notice it again when it comes back as I continue to detox.

Today was hard to not smoke when I got home not gunna lie. Obviously I've hit the pen at school, but whenever I don't and wait till after work, I don't feel like I'm itching hella hard to smoke, even though I've definitely hit the bathroom for my intra-work shit and I'm like, mmm a pen hit would be nice right now lmao. When I got home, I felt it man. I felt super scatterbrained, but the one constant was this kind of new and uncomfortable feeling laying on the couch watching the BCS Natty. It kind of went away, and got over it, but man, it was weird feeling so attached to do something out of habit, but also for the dopamine hit, and its making me realize why this is a smart choice. I didn't go to sleep until super late this morning, so I didn't really have too much sleep before hitting our PD today. Luckily it was very low lift, but I felt really sluggish today. Geovanni's was super fire though!!

Also another win, I won my fantasy league, and got mostly paid out. That's awesome! :) Looking forward to putting that into savings. Looking forward to savings with no weed being bought.

Anyways I just took melatonin inattempts to get some semblance of sleep for kids coming back tomorrow. Not happy to be back with kids, ngl, but hopefully that changes when I actually see kids. Idk man we'll see!

This is my new journal. I'ma try and document my journey off of weed, but moreso have something to document my feelings on a day to day basis. I wanna be mindful, I want to reflect. here's to that.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary22

9/26-27/2023

i did see a movie today,

i got to go watch fallen angels, about halfway through the movie i was always at tears, even the funny stuff made me want to cry. it's insane how that movie gets you into every character's head, the extremity of how it presents itself is just a kind of expressionism made to communicate/connect to that speed of life and distance between oneself and others, and the yearning to close the gap always, the long shots of the movie are really incredible too. i need to see his other movies, i think.

i also met someone new, someone my gf talks about a lot, a new person at school/work, they're nice but i basically know nothing about them still. they're flirting with a friend of ours though, which is funny.

anyways, my friend got back to me about the idea i had, he said it'd be cool to try out, so we're gonna do that. i need to go ahead and export a bunch of guitar tracks w/o any (or maybe only a few) effects on them to get that to work well. and then, i think i'm gonna have him listen to what i've got and get opinions on what sounds good and what doesn't.

i just listened to a bunch of my music and shocker: i like it a lot more now. wow!! crazy what taking a break can do. only 3 songs where i think i've really failed to get the guitars right, and one where there's one part that's way off but the guitars work in literally every other part. curious and difficult. hopefully these new sounds i have can really help out here.

i did work on a new guitar tone today, i'm really excited about maybe actually writing new stuff soon. short grindy shit, i need to get some shit going. just fucked up spastic songs, i want to go crazyyyy soon.

with the 4 songs that i think are way fucked, i at least know where to start w/ what riffs to export out. and there's another i know i might want some real distortion on a riff. so there's 5 things that are for sure.

tomorrow i need to get them exported, and i need to get all the bpms down for these songs so i can do them in ableton right.

and that's about all i can put about my day and my future here.

i guess now i'm going to make a fucked up short song because i want to use this one guitar i made and see if it works in songwriting.

it does, that's fun. it sounds good too i think.

i keep thinking about how my friend told me when he saw fallen angels he thought it was set in korea.

i still need to get a more perfect low guitar tone. something that actually sits in the register like, the low e string hits. or is convincingly situated around there. it's been the hardest thing i think to nail.

my friend told me about these other friends of his thinking about making an irc. something about that is so lame to me, when people are like, let's bring back something old because it's actually better than what we have now (ignore me posting on my tumblr blog again (please (lol))). it's just such a thing people do, especially with internet stuff. like, let's simulate a bbs, let's do another imageboard, let's do things and act like they're for security but really it's about giving ourselves the illusion of community/a scene when there is really nothing at all, surely if we put the work in to hallucinate it, it'll really be there. #snore.

there's such strange complaints i see people come up with for new chat platforms, outside of complaints that this stuff ends up as bloatware and it is often the case that huge communities are totally awful which are normal and make sense, i've seen people talk about how avatars and various other personalized features invite a kind of narcissism and self obsession, and other psycho stuff.

anyways here's the song i'm listening to right now:

i love this record a ton, the organs/synths are so so cool.

anyways, byebye!!

[dzpenumbra]

5/1/23

New month. Geez, this year is flying bye, huh.

I had the whole waking up every couple hours thing again, even with the earplugs which work quite well. I don't think it was nightmares either, I don't remember though. I did get back to sleep every time, so no real complaints.

I did a very long yoga routine this morning, almost 40 minutes. I was pretty proud of that. I'm actually getting in pretty good shape considering I'm not really doing any other consistent exercise other than morning yoga every day. Adding in regular skating and walking will definitely get me in good shape.

I am... however... I honestly don't even really know how to describe this... I'm having weird pains all over my body. It's been going on for a while now, but it's been getting really strong lately. That whole panic scare with the deep pain in my inner thigh was the same kind of pain... ish... and probably the most severe. Today it's been the lower back by my spine, and the outside of my hips, and my adductors in my inner thighs. And my forearm. It's muscle pain, I guarantee it. But it's not sore. Not like sore used to be. It feels like... electric, kinda, or like the feeling when someone grabs a bunch of your skin and pinches it really hard? So like, not like a sharp pinch, but like a blunt pinch. I have no idea if that makes sense. The notable part about it is how uncomfortable and intense it is.

I tried using my desk as a standing desk for a bit today and it did help, I think. I've been really afraid of being too sedentary lately, so spending half of my work day standing at my desk and dancing to 80s music helped with that.

I've been watching this big transition that's happening where a bunch of RPers are flooding over to IgniteRP, a new and kinda game-changing GTA V RP server that's set in 1985. It was created with the intention of making a very different environment than the min-maxed memey shit going on on NoPixel... It's been really good so far. Though it does have a lot of glaring problems and a lot of work left to be done.

I watched like 9 hours of it today while I worked on another abstract ink drawing. I hope to have that one finished by tomorrow night so I'll hopefully post it then.

Hearing them talk behind the scenes about what's going on with the server, it made me really want to apply myself to getting into 3D modeling. I fucked around with SketchUp like 10 years ago a bunch, like... making recreations of my apartment at the time and everything. I am very detail oriented. But again, I don't know shit about all this. But I guarantee I could learn in Blender for free. And I can cram and learn really quick. And I have an actual art background to back that up, so... doing custom graphics and shit? And applying them to 3D models? Once I get the 3D shit under my belt, I could pull that off. If I wanted. And there's good money in that. And these guys would be constantly looking for good custom shit. I just, again, have no proof of concept... and no real knowledge in the field. But it's something in great need, if I want to go that route, especially if I can give them a good deal.

I've been really tempted to get into RP. I would fucking love it, it's really good social practice and social interaction. I really enjoyed it when I was playing my character Raymond Holmes on TwitchRP. I just... well... I got a bit too emotionally attached to my first character, which I would need to work on. But the big thing is... I don't want to be loud. I don't feel like I can. I feel like I'll be whispering the whole time, and that wouldn't do my performance justice. It worked at my old house because I could be as loud as I wanted. Here? I've got lots of neighbors. Here, I feel bad if I sing at a normal speaking volume in the shower, with music playing along. Not sure how much of that is anxiety and how much is just being a good neighbor.

So yeah, that was pretty much the entire day. Watching RP, drawing, making and eating 3 baked potatoes with butter, habanero jack cheese and scallions. Drawing more. Then... here I am.

Not much else to say there. XD Still kinda riding the post-project-completion lull. Instagram was devastatingly anti-climactic. Next piece is going to be my hoodie, most likely, but I might try to polish a few of the stones from the other day first. And I also have had the impulse to go paint wooden beads again, so I might... I might throw a batch in a jar and dye them. Like 20 or 30 of them. Just so I have some with a base coat on them, then I can add ornamentation after. Aaaand there's also the skull to do, too...

I have no idea why I keep putting the hoodie off, maybe because of the "finality" of it, or maybe the visibility of it. Maybe because the rest of the back piece looks so damn good, I don't want to "ruin" it. I dunno. I kinda left off with... doing research on the zodiac constellations. I have the 12 signs plotted out and properly aligned, I have spaces that will serve as the houses, too. The signs are essentially a wide ring around the entire backpiece, and inside each wedge I wanted to put the glyph for each zodiac sign, and the actual constellation. Everything but the actual written name of the signs. Then I'm going to superimpose the planet alignments after, but I haven't even gotten that far. So... that's kinda where I am with it. So I just need to do some research on how I want to do the constellations, and then do some sketches, then... I'm guessing black out pretty much the entire zodiac ring? Or I could leave it hoodie color, because the hoodie is black? Not sure... And then I can just do the stars in white or silver. Maybe do a low-opacity glyph in the back with the constellation on top? That could be cool.

So yeah, lots of ideas, but the abstract ink shit has been calling me the strongest so I've been answering that call. It's very therapeutic, and really good hand exercise for longer drawing sessions.

I'm off to bed, we'll see what inspiration calls for tomorrow.

[khaleesiofalicante]

He chews on his pen as he stares at the piece of paper. 

He is supposed to translating a paragraph from Ancient Greek to French. 

He finds it easy to write down translations than to type them out - especially where medieval languages are concerned. The alphabet is a little tricky to navigate on the keyboard. 

David manages to translate two sentences of his coursework before putting down the pen. 

It’s sunny outside. Just close to noon. Maybe he should go for a walk to clear his head. 

But he stays put. 

He looks at his phone again. 

Max smiles back at him, illuminated in the blue light of his smartphone. 

David unlocks his phone and checks his messages. 

Nothing. 

The last message he had received from Max had been last night. Max had been tired after spending the whole day with his family. 

He is flying into London tomorrow. 

For David. 

Well. Hopefully, not just David. 

David doesn’t want that kind of pressure. 

He isn’t sure if he has what it takes to sustain Max’s attention. Max’s love for his family. 

What if he isn’t enough and Max goes back to New York?

That’s part of the plan, actually. 

Max had at least been honest about it. 

He had told David that this whole thing with Edom is only a trial. He wants to learn and try and figure it out. 

It’s an experiment. 

A part of David wonders if he is an experiment too. 

He pushes away the ridiculous thought. 

What an awful thought. 

After everything Max had told him and promised him. After everything Max had done for him. After everything Max is doing for him. 

What an awful thought. 

But he still thinks it. 

He worries the flame will die eventually. 

He worries what will happen there. 

At least before he hadn’t known. 

He hadn’t known what it was to be loved like Max. 

But now he does. 

He doesn’t know how he can go back to normal after this. 

He doesn’t know he is supposed to function as if this hadn’t happened. 

He knows Max loves him. 

He doesn’t doubt that at all. 

David loves him too.

He loves Max terribly. 

But love is not the same as trust. 

His therapist had told him that. 

She had told him that loving Max doesn’t mean David will automatically trust him too. 

No. 

His trust had been broken one too many times. 

She had told him that trust doesn’t work the way love does.

A declaration or ambush at the airport isn’t enough to build back that trust. 

It’s a slow and careful process. 

It takes a lot of effort. 

Especially from Max’s side. 

David looks at his phone again. 

At the unanswered text. 

His head fills with a thousand texts such as this one. 

Thousands of messages that had gone unanswered. 

He swallows and looks back at the paper. 

His phone pings. 

He grabs it clumsily and then groans softly. 

It’s just Jackson, his roommate, informing him that he is going to stay back in the library for a little longer. 

David responds to the message. He checks his chat with Max again. Nothing. 

He goes back to the translations. 

Then he hears it. 

Max. 

Not on the phone. 

No. 

Max’s voice. 

“David! David! You motherfucker!”

David blinks. 

“David! You piece of shit! Get your ass down here!”

David blinks again. 

It’s not just the voice that is familiar. It’s the words. 

Words he had read a thousand times. 

David rushes to the window facing the courtyard outside, just outside the dormitory building. 

What?

When did he start to rain?

It was sunny just a moment ago. 

This is unusual. Even for England. 

“David!”

And there he is. 

Standing in the rain. 

He is wearing a white shirt. 

A strategic move, no doubt. 

Because it’s wet now and perfectly plastered to the hard planes of his body. 

“Max! What are you doing here?” David yells back. 

“Come downstairs!” Max yells back. 

David swears under his breath and runs down the stairs. He crosses the entrance and halts suddenly. 

It’s not raining. 

He looks at Max - who is a few feet away. 

He is standing in the rain. 

What on earth?

David rushes to him, all worried - and now wet too. “What’s going on?”

“Did I do it, right?” Max asks. 

“Do what?”

“The scene!” Max groans. “Oh my god, did I get it wrong?”

“Max, I’ve got no clue what you’re blabbering about!”

“Isn’t this your favorite scene from your favorite book?” Max asks, looking concerned now. “The one where Alex breaks into the palace? In the rain?”

Oh.

“How did you know that?” David asks in surprise. 

“I stalked your Tumblr,” Max shrugs. “You people are wild over there.”

David chooses to ignore that. He looks around. “Did you just recreate my favorite scene from my favorite book?”

“Yep,” Max grins. “You like?”

“You are insane!” David groans and pulls his boyfriend closer to kiss him on the mouth. He pulls back - eventually - and stares at Max. “Why did you do this?”

“I don’t know. Just wanted to surprise you,” Max shrugs again. 

“This whole place is wet now,” David points at their surroundings. “The shrubs are not supposed to be overwatered.”

“The shrubs?” Max wrinkles his nose. 

“Max! The rain! Stop it!”

“Oh fuck,” Max groans and yells at some invisible henchman. “Yo! Turn off the sprinkles!”

David has no idea how Max got control of the sprinklers or when. He just stares. “I thought you were flying in tomorrow.”

“Another surprise!”

“I was worried,” David chews on his lip, as the rain - or the sprinklers - die down. “I thought you were ghosting me again.”

“Sweetheart, no!” Max gasps. “I was just trying to make all your romcom dreams come true.”

David lets out a reluctant chuckle. “You don’t do have to do all of this.”

“So, you don’t want me to stand out here next weekend with a boombox over my head?” Max asks. 

David smiles. “I mean…I wouldn’t mind.”

“Good. Because I already ordered a boombox on eBay.”

David chuckles and pulls Max closer again. “You’re here.”

He smiles. “Yeah.”

“You came here,” David whispers. “For me.”

“Yeah.”

David kisses him again, holding Max gently by the neck. He pulls back when he feels the cold touch of metal against the boy’s skin. 

“This is new,” David points out, grabbing the sapphire necklace. 

“Rafe got it for me. It’s a farewell gift,” Max says a little fondly. 

David kisses his cheek. “I like it. It suits you. Wait. Does this mean I have to get you a welcome gift?”

“Well, technically, you’re not from here, so it’s fine,” Max sticks out his tongue. 

“Good,” David says in relief. “I don’t think I can afford diamonds just yet.”

“Babe, you are the diamond!” Max points out with a huff. 

David laughs. “Come on. I’ll show you my dorm.”

“But my clothes are all wet now,” Max pouts.

“You can borrow mine,” David points out and drags him upstairs. 

“Your sweaters look like dresses on me,” Max rolls his eyes. 

“And you look very cute in the sweater dresses,” David notes. 

“If you say so,” Max sighs. “Is your roommate here? I’m yet to woo the fuck out of him.”

“Wooing Jackson can wait,” David says and settles down on the bed. “Woo me first?”

Max giggles. “That sounds so wrong!”

David rolls his eyes. “I only meant-”

“I know what you meant,” Max tuts and takes off the wet shirt, climbing into David’s lap. “Let me woo you.”

David kisses the other boy’s nose. “I love you.”

“I love you too, David,” Max whispers. 

- Catching up on sleep or obsessing over Mavid

[childeaether]

scholarship.

cw: 18+ only, zhongli/f!reader, professor/student relationships, camgirl au, dragon dildo fuckery

wc: 2.2k

zhongli sighed as he shrugged off his jacket and loosened his tie with his free hand. he was exhausted. today’s lecture had been a long one, and his class was definitely going to need a curve on this upcoming test grade. he’d tried to help them understand the topic. he’d tried assigning a lighter workload. none of it worked. it was like teaching to a brick wall.

he needed to decompress.

he grabbed his laptop and sat on the couch. there was already a box of tissues and a bottle of lotion on the end table. he’d anticipated this. it had become an obsession recently.

he opened his laptop and typed the url into the search bar.

angelsofteyvat.com

he knew this website well. it had started satiating his cravings at 9 pm every day for the last month. he almost wished he’d never found it.

glazedlily is now live!

right on time.

he quickly clicked on the profile and joined the livestream. and there you were, all dolled up, wearing only your bra and panties. it was a beautiful, light pink lingerie set. you looked stunning. there you were.

his star student.

“welcome to the live, guys!” you said with a smile. he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. he unzipped his dress pants.

“how are we today?”

phoenixrising: good how are you

knightk: horny

rockyalchemist: doing better now

zhongli rolled his eyes as he scrolled through the comments. he hated being associated with these losers. hated that you might see him the way you see them.

lapisrex: been a long day, baby. how are you?

he swore he saw your eyes light up. which made sense. he knew how expensive college was; he was a generous tipper.

“i’m doing okay, lapis! sorry you had a long day. hopefully, tomorrow will be better!” you said. his breath caught in his throat.

knightk tipped $5!

you rolled your eyes. “c’mon, k, i haven’t even done anything yet!” you giggled. you didn’t need to do anything. you could sit there and stare at the camera; you would still get tips. even from zhongli.

but you were a hard worker. he knew that. you were top of his class, for god’s sake.

“so, what are we thinking tonight?”

phoenixrising: do you know how to do self-bondage?

knightk: i need that bra off asap

zhongli already had plans for the night, though.

lapisrex: i know it’s last minute, but are your private sessions open?

he watched you pause as you read the comment, your eyebrows furrowing. fuck. he definitely should’ve asked in advanced.

“hmm.. normally i’d say no, but you are one of my favorites, lapis. how much?”

his heart was beating so fast, he thought it might beat out of his chest.

lapisrex: $1,000. i’m willing to go up.

your jaw dropped in surprise. “well, shit, i can’t say no to that.”

he knew you couldn’t. your next school payment was coming up in a week.

knightk: does that mean ur ending the live??

“sorry, but yeah. love you guys! always! but i could use that money. so, unless you guys can do better...”

knightk: $1,010

rockyalchemist: $1,500

zhongli rolled his eyes. as if he could be outbid by these randos.

lapisrex: $2,000

he watched as your eyes widened. just like a deer, frozen by approaching headlights.

“okay, that’s enough!” you said. “lapis, the private session is all yours. sorry, you guys! i’ll see you for the next one!”

before anyone else could comment, you ended the live. a bright red notification flashed on his screen as he received your message.

glazedlily has invited you to video chat!

he joined almost immediately, only pausing to make sure his webcam and microphone were both disabled. he couldn’t risk you finding out. it would ruin you both.

“hey, lapis!” you said happily, clasping your hands together. “it’s our first private session! are you excited?”

he was practically levitating.

lapisrex: very.

you grinned as you read the message. “alright, well, what are you feeling tonight?”

he was feeling many things. guilt, arousal, infatuation-

lapisrex: can i see what kind of dildos you have?

“of course! give me just a sec.” you stood and walked off camera. he heard shifting for a moment, and then you returned with a box about the size of your lap.

“okay, so we’ve got a few,” you said as you shifted through the toys, “what size were you thinking?”

lapisrex: the biggest you have

you giggled, and your smile lit up his laptop screen. “well, aren’t you confident?” you teased.

he was.

“the biggest one i have... it’s a little unconventional,” you said sheepishly, a blush dusting your cheeks.

you reached into the box and pulled out a big, thick, oddly shaped dildo. it had an orange tip that faded into yellow, and then into a dark brown at the base. but it didn’t look... normal.

oh.

it was a dragon dildo.

“this big guy hardly ever gets any action. his name is orochi,” you said. “it really came with that name. i don’t name my toys.” your laughter made his chest tighten.

and god, your hands were so tiny compared to it. they could barely cover the base. he felt his hand travel to his dick.

“i know it’s kind of fetish-y, though, so if you don’t like it we can try something else.”

and normally, he’d say, no - let’s try something else. don’t fuck yourself with that dragon dildo.

but everything you made him feel surprised him, every time. you looked so beautiful. he’d fantasized countless times about you looking up at him like you were at the camera now, your eyes sparkling, one of your bra straps falling off your shoulder. a dick in your hand. he wanted to pull those lace panties to the side and fuck you senseless.

he wanted to watch you fuck yourself with a dragon dildo.

lapisrex: no, i like it.

the smirk you gave to the camera made his dick twitch.

“wow,” you said, amused. “i didn’t think you’d be so kinky, lapis. you’re always so tame during my lives.”

you made him feel anything but tame. you made him succumb to the most carnal, primal feelings he’d ever known.

“alright, before i lube this fucking monster up, any other requests?”

just one.

lapisrex: can you call me professor?

lapisrex: if you’re comfortable, of course.

you raised your eyebrows. “damn, you are kinkier than i thought, lapis,” you said. “oh, my bad. you’re kinkier than i thought, professor.”

something in him snapped in half. jesus fucking christ. he had dreamed of this. of you on your knees, looking up at him with those big, beautiful eyes. whispering his title. dreamt of whispering back a simple, soft-

lapisrex: good girl.

-before, ideally, fucking your throat.

you reached off camera to grab a small bottle of lube. he watched as you poured some directly on the toy, and then spread it with your hands. he’d never been so jealous of a dildo in his life.

after you’d deemed the dildo lubed enough, you poured a bit on your fingers. you looked shyly into the camera. “just wanna make sure i’m fully prepped,” you said, and reached down to take off your panties-

oh.

he’d dreamt of this, too. of laying you on your back against his desk, reaching up your skirt, pulling your panties to the side. taking his sweet time with you. gently, slowly scissoring his fingers in and out of you, watching your face contort as you refused to look at him. you really could be so shy sometimes.

“okay,” you said finally, positioning yourself above the dildo. he took his cock into his right hand. “here goes nothing.”

he had to stifle the groan that left his throat just watching you sink slowly onto the tip. you bit your lip as you winced, pausing to adjust to the stretch. “sorry,” you panted, “it’s… really big.”

fuck. did you have any idea how fucking sexy you sounded?

lapisrex: don’t apologize, baby. take your time.

you shot the camera an appreciative grin. his heart squeezed.

slowly but surely, you sank yourself all the way down to the base. even with the generous amount of lube, he was impressed. you were a determined girl. it made him want to split you open himself.

“fuck, professor,” you gasped, “i feel so… full.”

he couldn’t stop his hips from thrusting into his hand. you really had no idea what you did to him.

you leaned back onto your elbows, giving him the perfect view of your pussy, stretched around the base. god, you were so fucking beautiful. “i think i’m ready to start now,” you said. your face was flushed, your eyes already starting to glaze over. he’d seen you like this before, during your lives- but this was so much better. seeing you like this for him was so much better.

you were looking into the camera with those same puppy dog eyes you gave him in class. the same ones that sparkled when he called on you during a lecture. the same ones that looked at him with such adoration as he explained concepts to the class.

you slowly pulled the dildo out by the base before cautiously working it back in. you cringed ever so slightly. he wanted to be there with you. he wanted to stroke your hair and whisper sweet nothings into your ear as you adjusted to the feeling.

lapisrex: you’re doing so good, baby. take it slow if you need to.

you whimpered as you continued your gentle thrusts. “thank you, professor,” you said softly. there it was again. that dazed, sinful look in your eye. he knew you liked to be praised long before he found your profile. you always flushed when he complimented your work.

your mouth fell open into a silent moan as you gradually sped up your thrusts. “oh, god, it’s so big,” you groaned, “it feels so fucking good.” you threw your head back as you brought your free hand to your clit, rubbing soothing circles while you increased your speed.

zhongli was fully fucking his hand now, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. you were addicting. with a particularly hard thrust, your back arched, showing off your fucking perfect tits. his mouth was practically watering.

“shit, i’m- i’m close, professor,” you gasped, followed by a whine as you circled your clit faster. his cock ached.

lapisrex: not yet.

you let out a desperate sound, still fucking yourself at the same speed. “please, i can’t- i can’t hold on for much longer,” you cried. “it’s so… intense.” you took your hand away from your clit and brought it to tease one of your nipples.

he wished he could break you down like this every night. you were always so calm, so composed. and so damn smart. it had to be exhausting. he wanted to relieve you of all that stress. to turn you into his pliant, brainless slut- even for just an hour.

“professor, please,” you begged, sending a pulse through his cock. he was getting close, too. he’d been stroking his cock so long his arm was starting to hurt. “please, professor, i can’t-”

lapisrex: why should i let you cum?

lapisrex: do you deserve it?

a pathetic whimper escaped you. “yes, yes, i- i’ve been good professor,” you nearly sobbed. just hearing the desperation in your voice was almost enough to send him over the edge. you were right. you had been so, so good for him.

lapisrex: hmmm.

lapisrex: okay, baby. you’ve been good. you can cum.

you threw your head back and sighed in relief. you returned your hand to your clit and thrust the dildo harshly in and out of you. finally, your toes curled; your back arched. “ohh, fuck,” you groaned loudly, “thank you, professor- thank you, thank you.” you were babbling now, riding out your orgasm as your cunt clenched around the dragon dick. zhongli’s vision blurred as he roughly stroked himself over the edge. he didn’t even bother to muffle the gravelly moan that ripped from his throat.

when he opened his eyes, there was cum all over his hand, and some on his laptop screen. you were on your back, still lazily circling your fingertips over your clit. your legs were shaking.

you looked angelic. he longed to reach out and pull you close, to kiss the top of your head. his heart ached in his chest. he knew what he was doing was wrong. but he couldn’t help himself. you were enchanting, and he was only a man. only another fool in love.

you sat up. “wow,” you breathed, “that was… fucking incredible.” you giggled, clearly fucked out. “thank you, professor. i mean- i guess, lapis, now.”

you carefully dragged the dildo out of you, wincing slightly. “i... i really needed that,” you laughed. “i hope you got your money’s worth, too.”

you were worth the earth, the moon, the stars.

lapisrex: absolutely. you were so good for me.

lapisrex: thank you, baby. i hope we can do this again soon.

the smile on your face was genuine, just like the ones you flashed him during lecture that day. a warmth bloomed in his chest. “of course, lapis! you’re one of my favorites, remember?”

he wanted to be the only one.

“okay, professor, time’s up. i’ll see you again soon.” you smiled one last time into the webcam and then you were gone.

he sighed, leaning back on his couch.

how was he going to look you in the eye on monday.

[soulmate-game]

Curiosity Killed the Exorcist

“And then, see here? You have to be on the lookout for subtle signs like these. This indicates that he’s…” Marinette nodded as Tim continued explaining, pointing out various body language and other clues out on the Batcomputer. It had only been about six months since the Batfam collectively adopted the little ladybug into their menagerie of heroes, and started teaching her deductive habits and skills. She would not allow them anywhere near Paris on pain of death (some of them had already tried, and Bruce was still recovering from the bruise to his ego. The bruise on his ass from being teleported out of the city and onto the stone of the Batcave was gone, though) but she welcomed any help they could give from within Gotham’s city limits.

Usually, at least in the beginning, they did their mentorship at a distance over video call. But then Tim found out her identity, and Marinette made the excuse of wanting to meet with them in person to gauge their trustworthiness for herself and erase their memories of her identity if they failed her test— and, well, it all snowballed from there until she was teleporting to the Batcave every few days for detective lessons. She was practically a Bat herself, if not for her out of theme codename. And she found herself surprisingly comfortable with the thought of them being a… very eccentric extended family.

Tim was flipping to another saved video in the Batcomputer archives to show another example of his current lesson, when Tikki flew up to Marinette in a hurry. She was holding Kaalki’s glasses. The little kwami whispered something in Marinette’s ear, instantly making the teen blanch and force on the glasses.

“Sorry Timmy, gotta cut this short! I’ll come back tomorrow to make up for it! Okay? Okay! Awesome, you’re the best, bye!” She ignored all of Tim’s protests and rapid fire questions, instead opening up a portal and jumping through it as fast as humanly possible. The portal has barely disappeared before an all-too-familiar voice rose up from behind Tim.

“Maybe I’m still drunk, ‘cause I could’a sworn I just saw a portal closing in the damned Batcave, of all places,” the British-accented drawl was accompanied by the flick of a lighter and accompanying fizzle of a flame. Tim groaned, mentally making a note to ask how in the world Marinette had known that John “Annoying asshole” Constantine was showing up soon, and if he could be in on the warning next time. Bruce, cowl still off, walked over from where he had been sparring with Damian and crossed his arms. He had also heard Marinette’s hasty exit, and made a few mental notes of his own before focusing on the exorcist in front of him.

“What do you want, Constantine?” he grumbled. Any time the blond brit showed up, things only got far more complicated than he ever enjoyed. And he always gave Bruce a migraine, to boot.

“Two things actually, Batsy,” John held up to fingers as his free hand tucked his lighter away in his pocket. His unlit cigarette stayed in his mouth though, probably just for the familiar feel of it. “One; I’m gonna need you to tell me why there was a portal closing when I walked in, because I’ll be honest. The implications there are way more interesting than what I came here for in the first place.”

“None of your business. What’s the second thing?” Bruce immediately shot him down, but John was not one to be deterred. He never fucking was.

“But you hate magic! You make sure I know that all too bloody well every time I pay you a visit, so why the sudden change in heart? Huh?”

“Drop it, Constantine. What. Do you. Want?”

“Fine, fine. I need your help with…”

— * — * — * — * — *

A week later, Marinette was sitting with Jason and Damian in one of the manor’s sitting rooms, the three of them just minding their own business and silently enjoying one another’s presence. Even if two of them would never admit it. Jason was reading Jane Eyre for the millionth time, Damian was leaning against Titus on the ground as he sketched, and Marinette was embroidering a sunhat. Unfortunately for her, Alfred the Cat was currently asleep on her lap and thus holding her hostage.

Even as Tikki flew up to her ear in a panic and whispered, making Marinette prick herself with her needle. She hissed for a second but shrugged off the familiar pain, much more concerned with whatever news Tikki had given her. Damian and Jason were already on high alert from the second that a whispered curse had left her lips, and were staring straight at her and her kwami and Marinette frantically tried to find a way to get up without awakening the cat sleeping on her.

“Uh, what’s wrong?” Jason asked, feeling thoroughly confused and left out. On one hand, he knew that if they were in physical danger she would have moved Alfred the Cat without hesitation. On the other, he did not like the sheer amount of anxiety he could see her experiencing. Marinette’s frantic eyes shot over to him, pupils mere pinpricks and hands mouth agape as she tried to form some sort of plan.

“Uh— “

“Ah! You must be the fair maiden that the Bats are comfortable with using magic around them,” John goddamned Constantine threw the door to the sitting room open wide, making it bounce off of the wall and lightly smack back against his shoulder. He ignored it as he grinned at the three younger people in the room, waltzing in casual as anything. He wagged a finger at her playfully. “I’ve been awfully curious about you, ya know? Brucie boy knows a shit ton of magic users, but he never likes seein’ any of us do our thing. And to not only allow you to teleport without any apparent discomfort but to actively protect your identity from me? Now that’s a damn accomplishment and I really gotta applaud you for it,” he mockingly clapped his hands a few times. “So what’s your secret, huh? I won’t tattle.”

“No thanks. Kaalki, a little help?” Marinette carefully pushed Alfred the Cat off of her lap before diving into the portal that Kaalki whipped up for her, the entire process happening so fast that Constantine couldn’t even get out a proper “hey!” before she was gone and the portal closed. He just nodded, hooking his thumbs in his pockets.

“Ya know what? Fair. That’s fair.”

“Goddamn it, Constantine!” Jason threw up his hands in frustration. “Why the fuck do you have to scare away one of the only sane people in this family?”

“Part of my charm, little red riding hood.”

— * — * — * — * — *

“You know, I’ve been pretty damn nice not teleporting right over to you whenever you disappear. So why don’t you just tell me why you’re avoiding me now that we happen to be in the same room by complete accident, huh?” John asked from where he sat in one of Bruce’s lounge chairs sipping on a beer. Marinette mimed choking him, clearly fed up. He had been trying to have a conversation with her for the past three months, ever since that one time he caught the tail end of her portal closing in the Batcave. Three. Long. Months. And he hadn’t given up, because something about this little Parisian teenager intrigued him. She was sixteen, that much he had gathered from the Bats. But to be sixteen and not only in possession of the Horse miraculous but also clearly the Ladybugs, since he had seen Tikki more than once as well, now that was interesting.

Anybody being in the possession of more than one Miraculous was already cause enough to be keeping an eye on them, which was why he had been keeping an eye on the Paris situation and had pieced together on his own that the presence of Tikki meant that this little parisian teenager was none other than Ladybug herself. Now, that? That was a whole new level of concerning, especially since he knew firsthand that the old Grand Guardian was gone and passed his title down to— yeah, Ladybug.

After that deduction, his interest in Marinette had swiftly switched from curiosity to fuck-I-need-to-know-what’s-going-on-here. Because no kid should have to deal with that kind of weight, and Constantine always looked out for kids when he could.

But right then, Marinette was glaring at him. She had been just coming over for a normal “family” dinner with the Waynes, which she attended from time to time. And apparently they had decided to have Constantine already over so that they could chaperone a meeting between them that would hopefully appease the stupid british magic user enough that he left them all alone again until the next time he needed help.

“Believe me when I say, you’d rather not know,” she replied sharply, glaring Dick. He was the one who had convinced her to come despite her recent close calls with Constantine in the past few days. He studiously avoided her gaze. “I just would rather not cross your path, and there’s no reason for us to interact. Why do you care, anyway?”

“You see, now that is an excellent question!” he chugged the last of his beer and gestured to her with the empty bottle. “Normally, I wouldn’t give a flying rat’s ass. But I’ve put two and two together, since I know who Tikki is,” he nodded to the red and black Kwami. “And maybe I just wanna keep an eye on the new Grand Guardian to make sure she’s doin’ alright. That’s an awful lot of magic and responsibility that you don’t deserve, but I’m not about to try to take it away. Keepin’ an eye on you is the next best thing.”

“Try again,” Marinette shot back, crossing her arms. “You were interested in me before you learned about me being Ladybug.”

“I’m nosy, what do you want me to say? I saw a portal in Batman’s man-cave, I get curious. Sue me.”

“Well. I have Bruce and everyone else already watching out for me, so you can leave me alone now. If I need your help, I’ll make sure to ask every other magic user first before contacting you.”

“Woah, now what’s all this venom for?”

“Uh, maybe we should go and actually eat dinner?” Dick tried to step in, hands up. Constantine had stood up from the chair he was in, which was usually a cue to change the subject as fast as possible. “Before Alfred has to come get us?”

“Maybe I’ll be less venomous if you let the subject drop and leave me alone!”

“Context would be nice, though.”

“Seriously guys, let’s go! Food!” Dick was once again ignored.

“Context is the last thing you need in this situation,” Marinette’s voice was suddenly soft, her arms dropping to her sides. “We’ve had this conversation so many times in so many now-deleted timelines. Just drop it this time.”

“If those timelines are now-deleted, then I obviously don’t remember what’s so bad about telling me why you’re acting like I’m some hated family member you’re avoiding!”

Silence.

Pure. Fucking. Silence. As they all watch with front row seats as Marinette flinches at the word ‘family’.

Pure silence as Constantine’s shoulders drop at the sight of her flinch, realization slapping itself on his face.

“No.”

“See? I fucking knew you would— that this would happen. This always happens, you always hate finding it out, but you’re so— so stubborn!” Marinette was blinking away tears, digging in her pockets and bringing out Kaalki’s glasses. “You’ll drop it now, at least. You always do.”

“Now what is that supposed to mean?” Constantine rubbed his forehead, still trying to sort through his amalgam of emotions. Marinette just shook her head, turning to Kaalki.

“Do you mind showing Monsieur Constantine the way out, Kaalki? I’ll grab you a load of sugar cubes afterward.”

“No, wait, hang on a second!”

A portal opened up under him, making John “Stubborn Idiot” Constantine drop ten feet down onto the hardwood, polished floor of his house. His bruised tailbone would take a while to heal, but his frazzled mind was by far the more concerning development. He staggered to his feet, reaching for the nearest bottle of tequila.

“Ugh, fuck my damn life.”

— * — * — * — * — *

“Marinette..?” Damian nudged the girl with his shoulder, frowning. It was after dinner that same day, and as much as he hated to admit it he had grown to actually like having her around. She was a good friend to have. And seeing her slumped back on one of their sofas, sketchbook covering her face and not a single rambling conversation to be had or heard? It was very concerning. She just made a groaning sound to answer him, prompting his frown to deepen. “Are you alright?”

“I just can’t believe that such a sweet, adorable thing like you is half made up of Constantine’s genes,” Jason mused bluntly from the opposite couch, where he tossed a rubber ball up and down out of boredom. “But now I see where you get all of your Disaster Bi-ness from.”

“Shut uuuuup,” She groaned, chucking her sketchbook at him. He caught it in midair, replacing his rubber ball with it and tossing it up and down in the air. “I’m just frustrated. This timeline is still perfectly stable, so I can’t erase it. And I can’t exactly ask ‘hey, can someone commit a horrid atrocity that makes this timeline split from the main one so that I can erase it and we can start over from four months ago?’ because that would be horribly irresponsible of me. But seriously, Jason. If you’re gonna ever commit, like, city-wise arson? I’d probably condone it right now if only so I have an excuse to use time travel to get out of this situation.”

“Not committing arson unless you give me a better reason for it, Pigtails.”

“Damn.”

“But are you okay?” Damian asked again, seeing as she had completely ignored him.

“I’m fine, Damian,” she finally sighed. “And I know how this is gonna go. He’s going to totally ignore me now, until we meet during some magical crisis and he only interacts with me when necessary. Then he pretends we never met, we have a private little one-sided whisper-argument about how he will never make a good father figure and I would be better off leaving him alone, blah blah blah. Avoidance is a coping mechanism I guess I inherited from him.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I’m trying to bite that in the bud then, eh?” Marinette startled out of her sitting position, seeing John stumble into the room…

Drunk off his ass. But apparently still at least mildly coherent.

“I agree with deleted-me’s, I’m not gonna be a dad. Not me,” he tripped, landing on his still-bruised ass and hissing in pain before continuing from the floor; “So if you’re looking for another Daddy dearest, that ain’t me.”

“See, I knew this is how you’d—”

“Let me finish,” he interrupted. “I don’t know how long the booze is gonna last and I need it’s courage here. ‘Kay? ‘Kay. Where was I? Right. But I know magic, ya know. The kind that doesn’t rely on little bobblehead gods to do. I got— like, a million books. Shit ton of books. At my place. Ya can read ‘em. My books. At my place. But I ain’t gonna parent, but I can lend ya books. Maybe give magic advice. Teach a little. Little bit. Didn’t think I’d have a child, but apparently I do and she’s the fuckin’ grand guardian and a damn hero, and I don’t know how the fuck I was able to help make someone like that. But whatever, it’s not like the world’s ever fuckin’ been easy on me,” He pulled out a sample-sized bottle of whiskey from one of the pockets on the inside of his trench coat and chugged it. After a brief wince and hiss at the burn, he kept rambling. “My door’s open, is what I’m tryin’ to say. No guarantee I’ll be in any state to talk to when you walk through it, but it’s open.”

Deciding to steadfastly ignore the tears streaming down her face, Marinette just swallowed thickly and nodded.

“I, uh. I think I can work with that.”

John barely made it to the nearby bin in time to vomit into it.

— * — * — * — * — *

I hate my imagination sometimes, guys. I started imagining a convo between Mari and Constantine at like 4am and it wouldn't leave me alone until I got it down. but by the time I wrote it, I kinda forgot like 60% of the original convo and just winged it. And this was born. I 100% blame @multifandomscribette because their Bio!dad John Constantine headcannons are amazing and even though this isn't in that universe, those headcannons are exactly what inspired this. So blame them, lol.

[matsur1]

A Kokonoi fanfiction penned by Matsur1

Warnings: A tiny bit of swearing

Word Count: 1.3k

A/n: Not proofread yet so some things may sound stupid, I don't have the time to proof read this yet but I will one day (hopefully) [Edit: this was posted mins ago but I alr proofread it bc I dont wanna embarrass myself- ASDHHSJSS sorry to the early people who read this and read dumb shit teehee pls read it again if you saw the post without this edit:')]

There was this guy at work that you found attractive. His name was Kokonoi. Kokonoi Hajime. He was very kind despite the rumors spreading around the company you both worked in. He was very generous, caring, and funny. Not the “thirsty for money” guy everyone talked about. 

When you were still new, you weren’t yet aware of these rumors about him. He first approached you at lunch break at the very first day of working. “Hey rookie!,” he shouted in the whole office. You flinched, looking at the direction where the shout came from. It was an attractive guy waving his hands at you asking for you to wait for him. He ran towards you and spoke, “Come with me, I’ll treat you lunch just for today.” He lightly smiled.

The whole walk on your way to the cafeteria was silent and awkward but when you both reached the cafeteria and ordered food, he started his introductions and you both started to get to know each other.

After your first day at work, you felt more at ease since you made a friend at work on the very first day. You only had hoped your friendship would last even if it’s just until tomorrow. 

The next day, he again treated you at lunch. He kept insisting and bugging you so, how could you say no? And so, he did that again the next day, the next, the next, and honestly, he did that every single day. But it wasn’t just to you, he also treated rookies on their first days at work. Not every day like you though. You heard tons of whispering about him but you paid it no mind because in your point of view, he was so much more different than what the rumors say. You found it strange but at the same time, you felt a bit of “special treatment. You weren’t complaining though. I mean, who wouldn’t want a lifetime of free lunch, am I right? 

But after a few weeks, you finally had the courage to ask why he was only treating you every single workday to lunch. You both went to a coffee shop near the building you both work in. After he grabbed your coffee from the counter, he walked towards your table and passed your coffee to you. “Thanks,” you told him as he hummed in response. “Koko, would you mind telling me why you treat me lunch every day?” you politely asked. He looked at you in a way as if he’s telling you, ‘Are you seriously asking this?’ and he lightly laughed resting his coffee down on the table. “It’s ‘cause I like you, dummy. Ain’t that obvious?” he grabbed his coffee and drank while you. You paused and blushed. He glanced at you and understood what that face of yours that you were making meant. He laughed so loud it brought you back to earth. “Not in that way, idiot. I platonically like you, that’s why. Besides, you’re the only one sticking by my side even after you heard those rumors about me. And plus, I like someone else” He told you. In embarrassment of assuming it was something else, you avoided that part and focused on the last thing he said. “Oh? Who is this lucky person that Mr. Koko fancies,” you teased him, smirking. “She’s in the hospital,” his tone suddenly lowered down a bit. “Oh,” you had no words to say, nervous that you may have touched a sensitive topic. “But it’s alright, she’s been getting better nowadays,” he continued, bringing back his normal tone. “I see. That’s good to hear.” You smiled in relief. “Sooo, did you already give her your first kiss?” you once again teased him. “Bitch no,” he laughed. “What about you? You already gave it to someone?” he asked you. “No, a first kiss should be saved for someone you truly love… I believe.” You hesitantly spoke, afraid that he’ll laugh at your words. But he just gave you a hum.

After that day, you felt a bit of spark disappear. Perhaps you were a bit… jealous? Disappointed? But that’s not what matters right now. Right now, you have tons of work due 10 pm. 

Months passed by, you and Koko ended up getting more closer each month. You were very happy to have a friend like him. Yeah, just friends though. He would often talk about the girl ever since you touched that topic. You discovered her name was Akane.

“Their house got caught on fire. I rushed in to save her, ended up saving her brother instead. It’s all because that asshole looks like her.” He laughed it off. “Soon, she was brought to the hospital after rescues came. She looked like roasted bread got into coma. But like I said, she’s been getting better nowadays, so the doctor says.” He explained. “I’m so sorry you went through that. You must love her so much. I mean waiting for years, damn, you’re one of a kind.” You complimented him. “Yeah? I promised myself I wouldn’t ever fall in love again unless it was her.” He spoke with such confidence. And talks about Akane happened for many many days. You couldn’t even count the amount of times Koko has brought Akane into a conversation. You had no problems with it though, it’s just, you kinda wished it was you he was talking about that way. But it was no use, he was so in love. Everyone could see it easily once he starts talking about Akane. Plus, you didn’t wanna act so selfish towards a person you knew you absolutely had no chance with. What a lucky girl Akane was. She has a loyal man waiting for her once she wakes up. 

For about a year later, you received news. Kokonoi asked you if he could talk to you after work. You were confused but you thought of it as nothing. Hours passed by and it was finally time to go home. You stretched as soon as you got up from your seat but then you remembered that Koko wanted to talk to you. You both decided to talk at the front of the building. And when you arrived, Koko looked anxious.

“So, what’s up?” you paused, You look anxious, what’s wrong?” you continue. “Well uhm, good news, bad news. Good news coming first.” He spoke. “Drop it now then,” you responded. “Akane woke up a week ago-“ you cut him off and spoke happily, “Oh really??? I’m happy for you! Did you tell her ab-“ he cut you off this time, “Y/N, let me finish please.” He spoke in a tone of... guilt? You quickly changed into your poker face, letting him continue. “Yes, me and Akane talked now. And we decided it was better if I quit this job and start building our life.” He put so much pressure on the word “our” that for a millisecond, you felt sad but you remembered you had to feel happy for them. I mean, a week of talking and they're already talking about building their life? Oh how much trust they have in each other. Your trust was nothing compared to theirs.

“Yeah?? That’s really great!!! I’m seriously happy for you. You both better invite me at your wedding.” You playfully hit him using your elbow and kept on a smile. “Y/N… you don’t have to filter your words you know,” he held your shoulders, making you look at him in the eye. “What do you mean? I’m seriously happy for you. You don’t think I’m that kind of person, do you?” you lightly laughed.  “But-“ you shushed him, “no buts, so is she in your car? You probably shouldn't keep her waiting, Mr. Gentleman.” You grinned. “Yeah,” he took a deep sigh of relief. You gave a wave at the car, in case she was watching you two. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. But I’ll probably be too busy packing my stuff.” 

“Mhm, I’ll see ya.” You watched as he went off to go to Akane in the car. Taking one last look at you, giving you a smile. Perhaps the last smile he'll ever offer to you. You turned to look away. Suddenly rain started to pour heavily. Did the news say it was going to be rainy today? No. It was really an unfortunate day for you. And that’s when it hit you. Tears started to flood on your cheeks. 

I guess in the midst of your friendship with Koko, he was just trying to find Akane’s shadow in you.

© Matsuri

[theunholygrails]

Foolish Games Part 2

Masterlist

A/N: Introducing new characters and some drama! Percy is still sexy as ever :'(.

Warnings: BJ

I woke up to a door slamming so hard it joined the symphony of my pounding headache. I groaned, hoisting myself over the back of the couch to investigate to intrusion. A brunette head of long sweeping hair rushed through the foyer, barreling towards the kitchen. A familiar mop of black hair hurried after.

Reyna was speaking so fast in Spanish my brain scrambled to keep up. I noted lots of curse words followed by a series of sentences too fast I was surprised she even knew what she was saying. Percy was answering in slow measured words, probably fighting a hangover of equal measure. I ducked behind the back of the couch, reaching for my phone plugged in on the coffee table.

It was noon. 2% battery and a couple messages from friends. Nothing from my ex thank gods. Five from Annabeth being nosey. I opened my uber app, squinting in the sunlight breaking through the cream curtains. I managed to get my driver secured.

A door slammed and I winced, peaking to check that they were in another room. I did not immediately spot my dress in the chaotic. I grimaced remembering the midnight swim. When I sat up I finally noticed the white tshirt I wore and the basketball shorts. And then I went rigid remembering what happened after the swim.

“Motherfucker,” I whispered.

Now I really had to get out of this house. I checked the arrival time of my driver. Three minutes away. Great. I made my way on shaky knees to the large wooden front door. My keys were still in the collection dish. I grabbed them quietly and turned the door handle a fraction of an inch before another door slammed open and Reyna came barreling back into the foyer, brown eyes landing promptly on my guilty ass. Behind her, Percy pursed his lips into a thin line and raised both of his hands to lay on top of his head. His biceps strained nicely against the thin t shirt.

“The fuck is this?” Reyna whispered.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” I babbled.

“It’s just Noa, Rey. Gods,” Percy said.

“I can see that, Percy!” She snapped. I was glad her spear was not strapped across her back this morning. “Why is she sneaking out of my house in your clothes?”

“People were swimming last night. Her clothes got wet.”

“I’m sure the fuck they did.”

“Zeus, Rey! You ended it with me. Why does it even matter?”

“Because I still fucking love you! I’m sorry, okay?” She burst out crying and Percy instantly pulled her against his chest. The memory of being in those arms drove me out the door like a nest of hornets.

~~~~

“I’m just saying. You have nothing to feel sorry for,” Annabeth paused to sip her iced coffee. “Unless they get back together and then you sleep with him. But as of right now, you’re good. Trust me. Been on the Percy train. We’re still friends. You’ll get over it. Just a harmless rebound for both of you.”

I groaned, laying my chin on the cool metal table parked outside our favorite coffee shop positioned between our New York apartments. Just two Manhattan women enjoying their Sunday afternoon. The air was cooling as fall neared. I pulled my baseball cap closer to the top of my sunglasses.

“Should I call him?”

“Maybe tomorrow. Let him deal with his relationship drama. Reyna is a lot to deal with. Still nothing from fuckface?”

“Nope and that’s fine.”

“Good for you. We will hydrate you, get you a good dinner, hit the gym before work in the morning and then get back on our bad bitch mental track. Agreed?”

~~~~

“Good Monday, yogis,” I chirped from my desk at the corner of my studio.

The third class was beginning to trickle in and I was settling into my rhythm. Hot yoga was next and hopefully I would sweat out all the negativity I’d allowed lately. I was in the middle of emailing back a potential client when someone rapped at the wood of my desk. I glanced up to a blonde male who waved gently.

“Heya, sansei Noa,” he said.

“That’s karate. Can I help you?”

“Do you do trial classes?”

I hit send on my email and closed my laptop. The guy was built like a poser with the defined muscles and chiseled jaw but his voice was soft and tempered. He was clean shaven and dressed like a basic gym bro.

“Normally you have to schedule them beforehand because of class size,” I gave my standard answer.

“Right, my bad. Sorry. I was just passing by the front and it looked like the kind of place I needed right now. Can I go ahead and pick a date then?”

I was staring too long into his pale blue eyes, honed in on the polite response. A nice change from the daily demanding consumers. “You know what? Ive got space right now if you like? Have you ever done hot yoga?”

A brilliant white smile showcasing sharp canines. “My favorite.”

“Perfect. I just need a name, number and email to get you a file started.”

He leaned large hands on my desk. “It’s Luke Castellan.”

Before he could give the contact information, I cut him off. “Wait. I know you.” His tanned skin paled significantly.

“I…”

“You’re supposed to be dead!” I blurted out.

His eyes skated around the room and he leaned in closer. “That’s not supposed to be public knowledge. I assume you’re a demigod?”

“Luke, you trained me. We took fucking sculpting together. The Apollo table was right next to the Hermes one for fuck’s sake.”

He winced. I heard a murmuring from the rest of my class I was disturbing with my volume. I collected my shock finally. “Take a seat if you want. We should talk after class. I need to start.”

“Okay. Thank you. I’m sorry Noa.”

I waved him off and walked over to my yoga mat. I sat cross legged and drew in an even breath to smooth out my emotions.

It was a slow 30 minute class. Each pose and movement dragged on. Finally, I dismissed the group and nodded Luke outside. He was waiting on the bench outside of the studio I split renting with a few other instructors. I sat next to him, wiping sweat from my face with the towel slung over my pink sports bra.

“Alright, talk,” I said.

“Not much to say. I was given a second chance at my hearing. Here I am. Starting over.” A shrug of well-defined shoulders. The muscles flexed beneath his gleaming sweat. His red tank top stuck to his chest and stomach. “I wish I remembered you, truly. That time is such a blur in my life.”

“It’s ok. You were a lot older than me and to be honest I had a massive crush on you so I probably hid most of the time.”

A surprised smile slipped across his lips. “I’m assuming the betrayal helped you get over that?”

I laughed outloud, slapping his knee. “No shit! So where are you staying these days?”

“Just around the corner actually. Got a job at the local gym.”

“Yeah I bet the fuck you did.” I squeezed his forearm between both of my hands. I wanted to roll my eyes at me falling back into my school girl giddy at him. Betrayal of the gods aside. He was even more gorgeous than ever. The scar down his face gave him a dark sexy vibe. Like a bad boy even though he claimed he was rehabbing himself now.

“So how, did you feel about the class?”

“I mean, I’d like to sign up for it a couple times a week, that’s for sure. And I’d like to take you out to dinner to make up for not remembering a beauty like you.”

I almost bit my cheek biting out the response of “Yes!”

“You’ve got my number,” he said, chuckling quietly. “I’ve got to get to work.” He shouldered his gym bag and excused himself.

The bike back to my apartment was spent reliving my tween fantasies about bad boy Luke. I opened my apartment door and screeched seeing a man sitting at my kitchen counter. Percy turned to face me.

“You know you live in New York? You should really lock that.”

“It was!” I snapped.

A quick grin. “Yeah. But it was easy to break into.”

I dropped my bag onto the floor and brushed past him to get a protein shake from the fridge. “I have to shower and get prepared for my night classes.” I told him.

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier.”

I shrugged. “I didn’t either.”

He paused, studying my face in the shitty lighting of the single bulb hanging between us over the counter. “Are we good, Noa?”

“Of course. What’s a little head between friends?”

“Okay…I can’t read you. Can you not play tough just for a minute?”

I chugged the shake and set the bottle down between us. I leaned my arms on the chilled counter, bun knocking against the light. “Honestly, Percy. I’m fine. We are good.”

“Reyna moved back in.”

“You’re engaged again?”

I drank from the empty bottle to give myself something to do. He watched me with those green eyes. He’d known me for far too long. He was nearly impossible to deceive, but I was determined today. The fact that I had dreamt of fucking him two consecutive nights was irrelevant if he was off the table. Even if his lips did look incredibly juicy tonight. Even if they had done near illicit things to me just nights ago.

“I don’t know. She said she wanted to work on things. And it’s her dad’s house, so I can’t ask her to go and I don’t want to go to my mom’s and admit defeat.”

“You know you could stay here, Perc.”

He worked his jaw silently, then rubbed his hands over his face. “Thanks. I do know. Even if we aren’t officially back together, I think we should work on it…” he trailed off.

“And not tell her about you eating me out?” I leaned closer because I was mean to both him and myself. Because I knew this top combined with this angle gave him a simple opportunity. And he took it.

His tongue slid out between his lips as his eyes flicked down, stayed, then dragged deliberately back up. “Probably not,” he agreed.

For a long moment neither of us said anything. He had more to lose now than me. We were no longer on equal playing fields. So, I left the ball in his court. “I’m going to go shower.”

I was done washing in the first ten minutes. The second ten was giving him a little wiggle room to decide. I had my hand on the faucet to cut off the water that was beginning to go cold when I heard the door creak open. I watched through the fogged glass, catching a hold of my breath. I watched as he tugged his shirt off. My stomach flipped over itself when he reached for his jeans. What had I done?

The opening door let in a rush of cool air, perking my skin to attention. My eyes raked unapologetically over his naked, aroused body. His dark hair quickly slicked against his stubble covered jaw. His eyes were no longer the sea green but murky like the deep water of the ocean.

“Hey,” he said quietly, cautiously.

“Hey,” I giggled, reaching out to touch his rough jaw. He winced, catching my hand with his. “We probably shouldn’t kiss again.”

“Sure, whatever you want, Percy. What can I do to you?”

He groaned, turning his mouth into my palm, scraping teeth against the vulnerable skin. “Touch me,” he said.

My free hand instantly planted against his chest, scraping at the muscle. His eyes fluttered closed, head tilting back to expose his throat. I slid my other hand into his thick hair, tugging it tightly between my fingers and pulling to grant myself more access to the strong column of his neck. I bit it first, backing him into the tiled wall when he shuddered. I kissed over the reddening skin and moved my hands to his flat stomach, feeling the shuddered breaths beneath my touch.

“Like this?” I asked.

His reply was unintelligible. I kissed down his chest, moving my hand lower still as I went. When my fingers brushed over the v-line of his hips, I shifted my route away from the center and to his thighs. An annoyed grunt escaped his lips. “Hush,” I scolded, getting my knees under me. The now cold water was hitting the back of my neck and flowing down my body. I placed my hands on the inside of both his thighs, trailing them upwards and upwards until he nearly contorted when I gripped him. He let out a scandalous string of curses that quickly turned to moaning silence when I took him into my mouth.

He unraveled in minutes and I let him cum all over the breasts I had teased him with earlier. I rose in front of him, my own rosy cheeks mirroring his. “Now we’re even.”