#I will always tell anyone interested that you have to spend time researching thinking evaluating the list goes on

[mountain-lion-gremlin]

a good reason to leave for me:

i honestly think it would be safer for me and therians to not be in the same space sometimes haha. P-shifting isn't safe for many and it can really hurt others.

Although I would love to stay, I know that it's probably safer for everyone to no longer teach it and keep to myself about things that involve how to shift and such.

P-shifting isn't a joke and can harm people who suffer from mental issues and other things of that sort. Its just not safe to teach in a large public space. It's something only some can stomach and be safe while doing. Plus some communities that are too unregulated exist and may mess with people's reality and how they perceive it. Some are too open to allow people to start p-shifting right off the bat and it's just too dangerous that way. (including those that say "oh just wait you will shift eventually but you cant control it at all" those are even worse.)

Theres a very good reason why newer communities are very apprehensive about teaching, or telling, or allowing new people who know nothing about it just hop in and start shifting. Usually if you are coming to the "learning" community (as in, you are following steps laid out by others to understand your identity) there is guidelines, there are warnings, etc. It's just too risky to not follow these guidelines and not listen to the warnings.

Dont start p-shifting right when you find out. Take the time to start a journal. Understand that what you are getting into isn't something that will make you cool or quirky. You risk your mental health if you are not careful. You have to be born to be a p-shifter. You must first mental shift before you can even think about p-shifting. P-shifting is not easy and will take years to even get to a point where you start getting somewhere physically.

The list goes on. When someone who is teaching shifting slacks in saying these things, you can harm someone. It takes a very long time to even get to the point where you may be ready to p-shift. Some never will p-shift. You have to accept these realities too. Not to mention how some older guides, although effective, can be so incredibly risky. (Such as completely shutting out the world and being an animal 24/7. Some people just take it too far and do it too early and ruin themselves.) Its just not worth it sometimes.

Thats why I'm leaving Tumblr. Too open, not safe for neither me nor others looking in. I know I usually don't have these sorts of posts, but I just saw someone in an anon saying how unstable their reality and they were after lurking in the community and it just.... its just so hard to see. Nobody deserves that sort of mental torture. Sometimes I forget that p-shifting actually can be dangerous to some if nobody teaches how important it is to regulate yourself, check in on yourself, and remember that p-shifting isn't for the faint of heart.

It's only for those who have spent so much time over years of their journey, exploring themselves, askong questions, taking breaks, questioning themselves so many times, and checking in, to finally be able to claim that they are able to p-shift. (There is so much more to it than that obviously.) My fourth year of shifting is coming up, and after so long I might be ready to leave the online community permanently and start my journey. (of physically shifting i mean. I spend more time teaching others rather than doing the practice itself right now lol. When i say p-shifting im trying to refer to the whole process, but really talking about the mental shifting and phantom shifting etc. Sorry if its been unclear, many know the whole community as "p-shifters" when in reality "p-shifters" are only those who havw actually preformed a p-shift. I havent yet in my conscious memory so i just call myself a shifter or nonhuman.)

Please be safe. Please, if you are curious about the p-shifting community, remember that it is a mixed bag and not for everyone. As always any community can be a mixed bag, but p-shifting "learning" communities can spiral and be too lax on the warnings and importance of these warnings.

Thats all. (make sure to read all tags fully too.)

[free--therapy]

Dealing with Change on a Personal Level

"Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up."

– James Belasco and Ralph Stayer

Change is a scary thing for all of us. We get used to things being one way and have a hard time readjusting to things when they change for us unexpectedly. Unfortunately however, change is inevitable and unavoidable in life and it's up to us to adapt to the changes we have to endure. Change is one of those uncontrollable things that we wish wouldn't have to happen, but it's a lot easier to control how we react to the changes in our life, rather than trying to control the changes from happening themselves. 

When it comes to being able to control ourselves though, it will likely include having to make personal changes that we may not like or feel comfortable with, but will likely have more of a positive impact in the long run than stressing ourselves over something we have no control over. Short-term pain for long-term gain. But how do we go about making these personal changes?

Stages of Change

Pre-Contemplation

While in this stage, we are usually not thinking seriously about trying to change anything and are not interested in having anyone help us out either. We tend to defend our current habits, even if we know they’re not good for us because it doesn’t really feel like a problem...yet. We can get defensive whenever someone tries to suggest we need to change, even if they’re being kind and loving towards us (it’s hard to tell someone we love that they need to change something about themselves!) We don’t focus our attention on quitting these habits and end up not even wanting to tell anyone about them because we know people will likely judge or criticize us and tell us we need to change. Usually in this stage, we are in denial of our problems or think we have the ability to fix them whenever we want to. Do you think you might be currently in this stage? Likely not if we are interested in understanding how change works, we’re looking to seek help, and are starting to wonder how we can implement the changes we know we need in our lives towards habits, problems, or behaviors we have that we know needs fixing. However, perhaps we were all at this stage at one point in our lives.

Contemplation

This is the stage where we are aware that we have problems that need fixing, and that there are personal consequences for them. We know we have a problem, we may spend a lot of time working towards acknowledging and accepting that we need help and need fixing, but we’re struggling with ambivalence towards making that leap. We tend to weigh out the pros and cons of starting to make a change by either quitting these habits or changing our behavior. Even though we weigh out the negatives of staying the way that we are and the positives of changing to become something better, we experience a lot of doubt that there’ll be any positive outcomes in the long run because we have to deal with some short-term pains or losses. It becomes hard to see how going through short-term pain could possibly lead to long-term gain and a lot of us believe and try to convince ourselves that we can’t see ourselves getting better or not believing that we can overcome the battle ahead of us. We fear failure before even trying.

It may take anywhere between a few weeks to a lifetime to get out of this phase though. It’s all about taking that leap of faith towards recovery and doing everything we can to make sure we make it out on the other side. Thankfully though, we are usually more open to learning more information about our bad habits and prefer to use educational interventions and self-reflection on how we feel concerning our bad habits, and eventually we make the leap! The idea is to hype ourselves up enough to take the plunge towards recovery (trust me, it’s so worth it!)

Preparation

This is also known as the Determination stage, and this is where we start making a commitment to change. Our motivation for changing can sound like telling ourselves, “Something’s gotta change!”, “I’ve got to do something about this.”, “This is serious, what can I do?” This stage becomes a “research” stage where we are now starting to explore all the small steps we can take towards helping ourselves and our problems. This is when we either seek help be it from other people, online research, find a mental health professional, read self-help books, go onto online forums, support groups, watch videos, and so on so we can hear from others as to how they embarked on their journey towards changing their lives. 

This is a phase that shouldn’t be skipped however, but a lot of people tend to. Without getting the user manual and the tools needed, how will we know how to put something together? Education is important so we may gain the knowledge to make the change that we want for ourselves instead of falling flat on our face. When we attempt to do something without having all the tools at hand, we usually end up giving up on ever wanting to try again because we failed to realized we were not well-equipped to do so in the first place. The journey to healing and recovery is a long and rewarding one, requires a lot of self-patience, -love, and -compassion, but we have to make sure we’re fully aware of the commitment we have to make in order to commence.

Action

Also known as the Willpower stage, this is the stage where we believe we have the ability to change our behavior and are now taking the right steps to begin that change with a variety of techniques and skills we have learned from our preparation stage. This is considered to be the shortest stage of them all since the amount of time we spend in this stage can vary. It can be anywhere from 6 months, 1 hour, 2 weeks, etc. It’s a stage where we are expected to rely on our willpower. We end up making overt efforts to quit or change our behaviors and habits, and this is when we are most susceptible for relapsing.

We will have to mentally review our commitment to ourselves and try to develop plans to deal with internal and external pressures or temptations that can lead us down a slippery slope. We’ll use things like short-term rewards to help maintain motivation, we may analyze our behavior change efforts to enhance our self-confidence, and so forth. This is also where we are most open to receive help and support from others who are going through a similar thing, which is vital to our recovery journey. It helps to know we’re not the only ones going through what we’re going through and to seek out other people that have a lot of invaluable advice to offer to keep us motivated as well.

Maintenance

This stage is definitely where the work needs to last for the longest amount of time as it involves being able to successfully avoid temptations and pressure to return to our bad habits or behaviors. The goal is to maintain the new circumstances we’ve worked so hard to implement in the first place. We will have to continuously remind ourselves of the progress we’ve made. We also have to find new ways to reformulate the rules of our lives by either acquiring new skills or learning more about our behavior and psychology to deal with temptations in order to avoid relapsing. We will get to a point where we’re able to anticipate the situations in which a relapse could happen and prepare healthy coping skills in advance to deal with them if we end up slipping.

We have to remain aware that what we strive for is worthwhile to us on a personal level and has meaning. We have to learn to be patient and kind to ourselves, and recognize that it will take a while to let go of old behaviors and habits. We will have to come to an understanding that we need to continuously practice our new skills until they become as habitual as our old and negative ones were. Even though we may have thoughts of wanting to return to the old way of doing things because they feel comfortable and familiar, we will have to resist doing so and stay on track.

As we progress through our stages of changing, it’s helpful to always re-evaluate our progress as we move through each stage. It’s important for us to remember that it’s normal and natural to regress. Healing and recovery are not linear and some days we’ll have moments where we feel like we’ve gone back in our progress, but it’s not out of the ordinary. We need to be forgiving towards ourselves, being our cheerleader. At the end of the day, it’s up to us to make the changes we want for ourselves.

Relapse

Although this is everyone’s fear when it comes to recovery and making changes, it is not uncommon for anyone to relapse on their journey. It is a lot more common to have at least 1 relapse than to have none while on the road to healing, so we should take solace in knowing this because no one is perfect. Relapse is often accompanied by feelings of shame and discouragement because we believe we are failures and will never get better. While it is definitely a discouraging thing to go through, it’s important to note that there is always a positive way to look at failure. The majority of people who have been on the journey to healing will even tell you that it is not a straight path. There is always something to be learned from our moments of failure and it’s up to us to change our mindsets to see where we went wrong in order to avoid making the same mistake again. These people cycle through the 5 stages several times before being able to achieve a stable lifestyle change and it should be encouraging to know this. The Stages of Change diagram above considers relapsing to be a normal part of recovery. It’s up to us at the end of the day to be determined to pick ourselves up again when we fall and get back on that horse.

There is definitely a real risk that people who end up relapsing will experience an immediate sense of failure that ends up undermining their self-confidence. Remember that relapsing doesn’t have to be seen as failure since those habits have been so engrained in our minds that we can easily end up back there. We have to make sure that we encourage ourselves as well as others to see where we went wrong, where we were experiencing that moment of weakness, and how we can use it as an opportunity to learn how to cope differently and in a healthier way, strengthening those weaknesses. Relapses are important opportunities to learn and become stronger. We have to make sure that we don’t end up back in the Pre-Contemplation or Contemplation stages when this does happen, but rather restart back at Preparation, Action, or even the Maintenance stage.

With those who have relapsed, they will need to learn how to anticipate any high-risk situation that could possibly enable them to relapse more effectively, and control any external cues or environments that will tempt them to re-engage in those behaviors they’re trying to recover from. Doing so will give us a stronger sense of self-control on top of having the ability to get back on track.

Transcendence

This is the goal of where we all want to be. Eventually we will end up reaching a point where we’ll be able to regulate our emotions and understand our behavior/psychology in a way to see it in a new light. This is when our bad habits or behaviors no longer are integral to our life, along with knowing that returning back to that lifestyle would be seen as weird or abnormal to us. When we reach this stage in our process of changing, we will know that we have now transcended the old habit/behavior and that we are becoming a new person that no longer needs our old unhealthy coping mechanisms, skills, or behaviors to sustain us anymore. We have become successful in making that change we set out to do in the first place and know that if we can accomplish it for one thing, we can accomplish it for just about anything!

[thebrochtuarachs]

Arranged: Chapter 6

Modern AU. Set in present time. Where Claire and Jamie are arranged to be married.

CH: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

AO3

A/N: Hello, everyone! I'd like to start with an apology for not updating for so so long. This story is still very dear to me, I daydream a lot of the next chapters, it's in my head and in my drafts and I just didn't realize that has been quite a while since I posted a chapter. Time flew by so quickly in the pandemic, I hadn't seen it pass. Anyway, posting this short and sweet update. Hope you like it! As always, your comments and suggestions are very much welcome :) Hope that you are keeping safe and healthy! Till the next!

XXXXX

The Ring of the Woman of Balnain – or that’s what they call the ring for generations since the 18th century.

For Jamie, it was simply his 8-times great-grandmother’s ring – a small circlet passed down his family for generations. His siblings never cared for the old thing but Jamie loved it ever since he was a wee lad and asked his parents to give it to him when he was old enough – and that time was, apparently, now.

After his mother ambushed him in the kitchen, Jamie was now in possession of one the most precious things in his life. He promised himself that he would give it to the woman he’ll marry someday as a gift and sign of his love and he hoped that the ring would bring luck in their relationship.

When he realized that Claire Beauchamp was the one, he thought about asking for the ring but then he found out about Frank Randall and had to re-evaluate his chances and options. All of his plans for him and Claire got put on hold until their parents intervened with this crazy scheme. But this crazy scheme, allow him to at least, put some plans in place.

A week later, his mother found the ring box on his bed side table, untouched and unopened.

“Give it to her. I want you to give it to Claire. It’s perfect” she heard Ellen say to Jamie who just groaned in disapproval.

“Mam, I thought we were going to do this in our own time, our own terms. Giving her this does not make all of this any easier.” Jamie replied.

“I know, son. But this has a special meaning to our family, ye ken that. Even if this arrangement is so, I would – no, we would, yer father and I – would love it if ye kept with the tradition.”

Then came one of Jamie’s exasperated sighs. “I’m no promising anything, Mam. I’ll think about it but don’t expect anything”

He and Claire hadn’t really discussed the nature of their relationship one month in since getting reacquainted. But the truth was, with all the time they’ve been spending together ( almost everyday ), they’ve gotten really close that even the people close to them have started noticing up to a point where they asked if there was something going on between them.

Of course, they denied it – not wanting anyone to know about what really was going on – saying they were just friends and reasoned the mere fact that their families were close and that was the way it’s always been for them. A damn, unreliable lie but it’s all they got.

Their research was not progressing in any form which was starting to frustrate Claire. Everything they were getting from “company sources'' just didn’t make sense in any scenario or plan. Money was not an issue, their family relations were not an issue, their business relations were not an issue… they were running out of “reasons” and “clues” but Claire refused to give up. Of course, Jamie knew otherwise but silently played along.

Thankfully, their final exams were coming and Jamie decided to put pause on everything and have a break from their research and each other - their schedule not permitting any free time. They haven’t seen each other in a week.

Today, Jamie had been in the coffee shop for hours since almost all of his classes got cancelled when his building suddenly needed to be fumigated.

“This seat taken?” the voice was unfamiliar and Jamie looked up to find Laoghaire Mackenzie looming over his table. He knew about her and her fondness of him, she was never to shy to show it anyway, but he’d never taken a liking to the lass. She wasn’t his type and he didn’t like her personality at all. Despite numerous turndowns, she was still persistent.

Sensing his refusal, she made another attempt. “The table sits four and yer the only one.” She moved the chair in front of him causing the bag to fall over and all of its contents sprawled over the floor.

“I’m sorry. Here” she said, giving some of his things as he stood to pick it up. “Well?” she asked again, waiting for his invitation. Jamie was a gentleman and seems there was no reason to give the lass a boot or the seat. He was about to reluctantly agree when another voice chimed in.

“Actually, the seat is taken.” Claire’s voice was a happy sound in Jamie’s ear. Laoghaire turned to see whose voice was cockblocking her to Jamie and frowned. Laoghaire and Claire have never had a conversation before past pleasantries and despite that, they seem to have grown a dislike to each other, an unspoken disapproval of each person’s position in Jamie’s life. Too bad for Laoghaire, Claire knew she had the upper advantage and would gladly take that road anytime around her.

Claire wore her smug face proudly as Laoghaire huffed and shoved her way past her. Jamie, to his credit, didn’t say anything but rather he smiled at her in such a way that made Claire’s heart sing and she knew it came from a place of utmost gratitude.

Claire took her seat and Jamie started fixing his bag. Upon inspection, he realized he was missing something. Alarmed, Jamie quickly put out its contents again but still, it was not there.

He stood up and looked around the floor, pacing himself around the perimeter of his area. At one point, he even kneeled and bowed down just to look under chairs.

It was still not there.

Jamie stood up, flushed and a paleness was creeping in his face. He has lost it. How could he have lost it? Did Laoghaire take it with her? How would he tell his Mam that he lost a 300-year old family ring? Questions were pouring out his mind and he felt utter despair in the situation.

He wasn’t even supposed to bring it. It was a last minute decision to have it checked and cleaned.

“Looking for this?” Claire lifted the black leather box.

Jamie turned his head so fast, Claire thought he’d trip with his own momentum. But seeing the relief on his face warmed her heart.

“Thank ye!” he sat and moved to get the box but Claire pulled it away. “What’re..?”

“What is this?” she asked genuinely. “Is this what I think it is?”

“Tis’ nothing, Claire” he said, attempting to grab it from her again but was unsuccessful. She gave him a look and he resigned. “Yes. But there’s no need to think about it now, we have exams coming up.”

It wasn’t the same for Claire. The box did cross her mind from time to time since the dinner. But she, too, resigned and gave the box back to Jamie. “Fine, okay. Can I, at least, see it though?” she asked shyly.

“What?”

“Can I see it?”

Oh. Jamie was not expecting that. He didn’t think she’d be interested at all but here they are. He looked around, checking the place. The coffee shop was sparse and there’s no one close enough to pay them attention.

Jamie then focused on her, his eyes boring intently on hers, hoping to convey a certain reverence and seriousness on what he was about to show her. Slowly, he lifted the lid of the box revealing the simple silver ring within, his eyes observing her reaction.

Claire’s eyes focused on the ring as soon it was revealed. She honestly wasn’t expecting anything but if it was an engagement ring, at least, she thought, there’d be a diamond on it.

But this one was as simple a simple band can be and she was captivated by it. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m glad ye think so. My brother and sister never cared for it…”

“But you do.” she finished and he nodded in agreement. “How old is it?”

“About three centuries old? It has been passed down in my family for generations” Jamie shared but not giving away any more details. That was for another story.

“Alright, I have to be honest” Claire began. “I heard your conversation with Aunt Ellen last dinner. I knew about the box. It was accidental, I promise! I didn’t mean to pry.”

“I’m sorry. This is what I was avoiding. We’re in a tough spot as it is and now this. I’m sorry, Claire. Don’t think about it. I’ll deal with my parents.” Jamie rambled on his apology and closed the box.

“No, no. It’s fine. I know what she meant and I know it’s ultimately up to us.” she moved her hand to comfort him and it landed parallel to where he clutched the box. Jamie startled with the proximity but she didn’t seem to notice and he didn’t move either. “Do you think it’ll buy us time if I wore this?”

“Ye want to wear it?!”

“Why not? If it’ll buy us time, why not? Plus, it looks nothing like an engagement ring. Nobody knows if I’m with someone. If anyone asks where I got it, I’d just say I got it from a vintage store or something old family heirloom.” she reasoned.

Jamie doesn’t look convinced still so Claire held his gaze having some unspoken conversation.

“Only if ye genuinely want to.” he countered.

“I want to”, Claire replied earnestly.

After a beat, Jamie lifted his hand and held it out to hers. “Give me yer hand.”

Claire smiled and handed her left hand to his. At that moment, they felt no awkwardness in their bubble. There was a trust, a knowing, a joy, and an excitement that neither thought of and realized until later. Jamie got the ring from the box and slid it on her ring finger.

A perfect fit.

Jamie wanted to kiss the back of her palm but resisted. Instead, he gave it a gentle squeeze and let it go.

Claire pulled back and proceeded to pull out her books and other stuff on the table and Jamie settled back to his. The rest of the afternoon went by as they normally did until it was time to head home.

[artificialqueens]

Pros and Cons, 1/3 (Witney) - Marion

Summary: The wives of two conmen become fast friends (and maybe more) as their husbands plot an elaborate heist. As the planning progresses, Willam and Courtney grow closer and begin to think that maybe their husbands deserve a taste of their own medicine.

A/N: Partners of partners in crime to lovers AU? I’m not even going to pretend that I didn’t steal this plot (with permission) from Ortega. I’ve had this done and waiting to be edited for about four months now so I figured I’d finally try getting the first part out before the end of the year. I haven’t forgotten about Academic Dishonesty, and hopefully I’ll finish that in the next few weeks now that I’m on break. Shout out to Ortega, Freyja, and Jazz for betaing this and making it so much more readable!

The dock was quiet, as usual. Courtney liked it that way. Perhaps not as much as actually being present during one of her husband’s meetings, but it’s not like her input would have been appreciated anyway. Instead, she had been sent out with the wife of her husband’s new partner to “get to know each other while the boys talk”. She had wanted to argue, but it wouldn’t have done any good. It was better to do as she was told than make him angry in front of his team.

Willam seemed to think the same of her own husband as well. Considering the way that he had acted when they had first arrived, Courtney wasn’t surprised about that. She had left without protest, or a word to anyone. When they had reached the yacht’s deck, she picked a chair - the one Courtney thought of as her own - and sprawled onto it without a glance at Courtney. Had she seemed more inviting, Courtney might’ve attempted to talk to her, take her husband’s advice and get to know the other woman. They were going to be seeing a lot more of each other over the next few months, shouldn’t they at least try to be friends? But Willam had all but asked to be left alone, and Courtney wasn’t in the mood to get on anyone’s bad side.

So she left the boat and walked to the end of the private pier to be alone with her thoughts. With her sandals next to her, she gently kicked at the water as she sat. She wasn’t sure how long had passed before she heard someone approach. She watched as Willam wordlessly took a seat next to her.

As the silence stretched between them, Courtney searched for something to say.

“So how did you two end up together?” she asked as the silence began to feel insufferable, not bothering to look away from the sun setting in the distance.

“He was good for me,” Willam said, her voice even.

Courtney tore her gaze away from the sunset and raised an eyebrow. “That is what ‘good for you’ looks like?” He could have been putting on a show of dominance in an attempt to impress his new teammates when they had arrived, but Courtney had a feeling that Willam’s husband was always like that.

Willam didn’t bother to turn to look at her. “PhDs aren’t cheap,” she said, as if that told her everything she needed to know. Maybe it did.

Courtney nodded. That was something she could understand, even if it hadn’t been a problem for her. “I can imagine, given the amount they charged for my Master’s.”

That got Willam’s attention. She raked her gaze over the other woman, as if reassessing her initial conclusions about her. Courtney felt something warm swell in her chest. It wasn’t pride at her achievement, though she felt eighty pages and countless sleepless nights spent evaluating the results of her research warranted it. No, she knew that feeling. This was different. As if she had received approval that she hadn’t even known she’d been waiting for.

“I hope they gave you your money’s worth,” Willam said, “my program didn’t teach me shit.”

“Oh?” If her interest in this woman hadn’t already been piqued, it was now. What had Willam studied, gotten a PhD in, that she felt she hadn’t learnt anything from? If she had to guess, she’d say fashion design, but that didn’t feel right. Willam seemed to her more like someone who wore designer clothing rather than created it.

Willam nodded decisively. “No one would take me seriously without a degree so I figured there had to be something that they were gonna teach me that was super important, but no. There’s nothing in computer science that you can’t learn from fucking around in your free time after finishing your homework.”

Courtney was taken aback. She hadn’t thought that Willam was stupid, but she hadn’t taken her as a programming prodigy, either. “You knew everything they teach you for a PhD by the time you were eighteen?” she asked. She tried to keep the surprise out of her voice, but she was sure that she had failed at that.

Willam shook her head. “No, but by twenty, yeah. I got a bachelor’s in acting first. It was fucking stupid but I couldn’t really change it by the time I realized.” She shifted, pulling her legs up from where they had been dangling over the side of the dock and tucking them under her. “And I graduated high school when I was sixteen, not eighteen.”

“Why are you out here then? You’d probably be more useful in a heist than like half the people in there combined.”

“Probably the same reason as you. I mean I’m sure your shit is useful too,” Willam said, and Courtney knew she was right. They weren’t here to be masterminds, they were here to be pretty. And they were out here because their husbands didn’t need pretty right now, they needed masterminds. And surely those two things couldn’t intersect.

Courtney shrugged. “It’s still stupid that you don’t get a say in any of this. I’m sure you’d be a better hacker than Tim in there.”

“Aren’t you going to tell me what you studied?” Willam asked, done with the subject at hand. Of course she’d be good at what they’re doing, there was no need to dwell on it.

Courtney shook her head with a smile. “You’ll laugh.”

“Probably,” Willam said, no hint of jest in her voice. Somehow, the sincerity of it emboldened Courtney instead of scaring her away.

“I studied forensic psychology.”

Willam snorted. “Like criminals and shit? Is that how you ended up here?” she asked.

“It’s complicated,” Courtney said, a bit deflated.

After a few moments of silence passed, Willam nudged her with her shoulder. “C’mon, I think they’re gonna be done soon,” she said, standing and then holding her hand out to help Courtney up.

Courtney took it without hesitation. A buzz she couldn’t quite name moved through her. She couldn’t tell if she was excited or terrified of the next few months, but she felt certain that things were going to change.

***************************************************

“Do you love him?” Willam asked as she rifled through a rack of fur coats that Courtney had been side eyeing since they reached this side of the store.

“What?” Courtney asked, certain that she had heard correctly, but willing the other woman to pretend she had asked something else. She hadn’t recognized anyone when they had entered the store and she knew that her husband’s most loyal lackeys were in the conference with him, but she still felt the urge to look over her shoulder and see if anyone had overheard the question.

“It’s a fair question,” Willam said, apparently unwilling to give Courtney the out she had been hoping for.

“Is it?” Courtney asked. Willam turned and eyed her, looking like she was sure that she already had her answer. Courtney supposed that she had, indeed, given her one through omission.

“Yeah, it is.”

Courtney felt herself grow a bit defensive. “Okay then, how about you answer it. Do you love Jace?”

Willam looked her in the eye, her gaze steady. “No.”

Her bluntness surprised Courtney, though maybe it shouldn’t after having known her for as long as she had. Having spent time with her nearly every other evening for two weeks had made it obvious that Willam would say what she thought without hesitation, at least as long as her husband wasn’t around.

Nonetheless, Courtney wavered. “Did you ever love him?” she asked, her voice quieter than before, hoping they hadn’t drawn the attention of those around them.

Willam turned back to the rack and shrugged. “He was the guy with the most money that treated me the least shitty. There wasn’t really an expectation on either side.”

“He’s the one that treated you the best? The crime boss that doesn’t let you speak in front of his colleagues?”

“I didn’t say he kept the title for very long. Besides, he wasn’t a crime boss when we met, just like third in line or whatever. And honestly I could say the same thing to you. If everything you say about Jace is gonna sound like you’re insulting me then maybe we should talk about Rick. He’s a keeper, isn’t he?”

Courtney wanted to hide. Willam’s tone had remained steady, but her searching through the rack had become more erratic. It wasn’t the way that Willam had said it, or the way that the atmosphere had changed as she spoke that left Courtney uncomfortable - it was what she said. She was right, of course. But she didn’t need anyone reminding her of it.

“Touche,” she all but whispered, and turned away to look for something a little more her style, and a lot further from Willam.

***************************************************

In the last month, there were times where being around Willam felt insufferable. But not always, and certainly not on the days where they ignored why they were spending time together in the first place. No, on those days, Willam was tolerable. Better than tolerable. Funny, quick-witted, honest, perhaps the best friend Courtney had had the chance to see with any amount of regularity in years, and breathtakingly gorgeous. That last one could become a problem, Courtney could admit to herself when she was alone, but her resolve was strong and her self preservation was even stronger.

Upon seeing Willam in a bikini for the first time, Courtney began to wonder how much she really believed that.

“No more sitting around whining when they have their meetings on the yacht,” Willam said as she emerged from below deck. “If they’re gonna have us this close to the beach, we’re gonna use it.” She didn’t wait for a response before leading Courtney off the yacht. She didn’t need to. Wherever she went, Courtney would follow. That’s how it had been since she had first presented Courtney with the idea of “let’s do something fun!” during their second evening together. Even at her most overbearing, Courtney couldn’t seem to keep herself from her side for long.

Walking behind her along the dock, Courtney tried and failed to keep her eyes off of Willam. Her hair was tied back in a fishtail braid- there were new colorful streaks, courtesy of not having to try to look professional as a stay-at-home wife. Scanning down her tanned back, Courtney couldn’t decide what was drawing her eyes more, the newly discovered tramp stamp on her friend’s back, or the enticing ass below it.

Stop it, Courtney reminded herself. Trying hard to focus attention anywhere else, she continued her sweep down to look at the ground. Except–

“Are you wearing platform crocs?” Courtney asked, unable to hold back the question. If she had learned anything about Willam in the past month, it was that she took her shoes seriously. Courtney never would have imagined Willam having anything to do with what she was wearing now, aside from perhaps taking any opportunity to mock them.

“Yeah,” Willam said, glancing back at her. “I was gonna wear my pool party pumps, but those are more pool than beach. These are fucking great for the sand, though.”

Courtney could not imagine any way that the shoes would be good for the sand. Easier to clean, perhaps, but while they certainly seemed like a better idea than pumps on the sand, they still seemed like a recipe for disaster. Still, Courtney kept her mouth shut. Maybe she didn’t know Willam’s tastes as well as she thought.

The beach was nearly empty when they arrived, owing to the fact that most of those who shared the property preferred to spend their Tuesday evenings plotting a bank heist or figuring out the most effective way to steal from their workers’ wages. Generally, that thought led to a spiral of guilt over the fact that she hadn’t found some way to force her husband to be a halfway decent person, but Willam drew her attention away from it with ease.

“You’re too much of a prude to go skinny dipping before sunset, aren’t you?” Willam asked.

Had she had a drink, Courtney would have done a spit take. Skinny dipping? With Willam? She wanted to argue that she wasn’t a prude, but what could she say to convince Willam without having to give a different reason that she wouldn’t go skinny dipping with her? It didn’t sound unpleasant, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that it sounded a little too pleasant, and she wasn’t ready to face that fact, not yet.

Willam rolled her eyes. “It was a joke, Court,” she said, spreading out the two towels she had brought next to each other in the sand. She put on a pair of sunglasses, and laid down on one of the towels.

Courtney looked down at her. “Didn’t we come here to swim?” she asked.

“What?” Willam asked, her voice tinted with the slightest amount of panic. “There’s fucking sharks out there, I’m not going out there!”

“Shark attacks are a lot more rare than horror movies would have you think,” Courtney said, taking a seat on the open towel. “Trust me, I’d know. Where I’m from even the rivers have sharks, and I’m in one piece.”

“Remind me that I can’t ever go with you to visit your family,” Willam said.

Courtney felt her mood drop, but tried not to let it show. “I’m just saying, we humans kill a lot more sharks than they do us.”

“And I’m just saying, if you wanna see me get wet, you’re gonna have to take me somewhere without monsters.”

Courtney felt her face heat and hoped that Willam’s sunglasses would keep her from seeing the flush that she was certain was rising on her cheeks. Willam hadn’t meant it like that, she was sure, but that didn’t keep her mind from wandering where it shouldn’t. Willam was her friend, her straight friend at that, and they were both married. Married to men they didn’t enjoy the presence of and who made it clear that they thought they were better than their wives by some divine right, but married nonetheless. She had to get a hold of herself.

“Are you gonna just sit there, or what?” Willam asked.

“I mean you’re just gonna lay there, what’s the difference?” Courtney asked, glad for a deflection from her thoughts.

“Yeah, but I’m tanning, and that’s a thing people do. You’re just sitting around on the beach like a weirdo.”

Courtney hadn’t quite realized that she was looking for an out until she found one. If she could get away from Willam, even just for ten minutes, she might be able to get a hold of herself. Being around her for hours every week was intoxicating, and she needed to try and sober up if she was going to spend the next few hours next to the nearly-naked frame of the woman beside her.

“Actually, I forgot to put on sunscreen. I’m gonna run back to the yacht for a minute,” she said, hoping it came out casually rather than quick and flustered.

“I’ve got some in my bag,” Willam said, sitting up and reaching into the purse next to her. “C’mere, dumbass, I’ll get your back.”

***************************************************

“Any idea how much longer they’re just gonna sit around planning?” Willam asked as she reclined in her seat. The mall didn’t strike her as particularly Willam when they had been dropped off that afternoon, but as their time had progressed, it seemed that she fit better than Courtney had ever anticipated. Half an hour in the pet store and one Yves Saint Laurant purse later, Courtney felt as though she had never quite seen Willam as herself as she was now.

“Planning’s important. It takes time to make sure nothing is gonna end up getting screwed over,” Courtney said.

Willam rolled her eyes. “I know that, I just didn’t think that they were capable of thinking this long without their brains breaking. Besides, I bet we could pull something together in a third of the time.”

Courtney’s eyebrow shot up. “You think so?”

“I know so. I mean c’mon, all of them have, what, like three brain cells all together? I mean we’ve got at least five. Besides we’ve got psychology and computers and feminine wiles on our side,” Willam said, trailing her hand up her thigh in demonstration. It was really, really in Courtney’s best interest that she not lift her hemline any higher. “What have they got?”

Courtney pulled herself out of it. Straight. Married. Friend. “You mean aside from the money and weapons and hired thugs?”

“I’m sure if we needed them, we could get some of those too,” Willam flashed Courtney a grin, “but I doubt we’d need ‘em.”

“If I ever need to pull off a heist with a quick turnaround, I’ll keep you in mind,” Courtney said with a snort, but it seemed as though Willam’s attention had been pulled away from the topic already.

“Oooo girl, look to your left! Hot ass alert!” Willam said in a conspiratorial whisper.

Courtney followed Willam’s gaze and wrinkled her nose. “That guy’s like seventy.”

Willam looked at her like she was stupid. “Not him, dumbass, the blonde in the mini dress!”

Courtney looked back again.There was a tall blonde woman, about their age, standing in line to get a smoothie. She was wearing a tight black mini dress and did, in fact, have a nice ass. Maybe she really didn’t know Willam’s tastes as well as she thought. The thought made her mind drift. So maybe Willam wasn’t straight.

Still your friend. Still married, both of you. She scolded herself.

“Don’t look so surprised,” Willam said. “And don’t try to pretend you don’t like girls either, you’re not subtle.”

Courtney felt herself flush. Had Willam really seen her looking, all this time? She must seem like an ass.

“Sorry,” Courtney said, trying and failing to find some excuse.

“Don’t be,” Willam said. “I like the attention. And I already know I’ve got a nice ass. It wouldn’t hurt for you to compliment it while you’re staring at it.”

Courtney had been certain that she couldn’t go any pinker, but she began to lose that conviction. She really needed to work on her subtlety.

“I know you don’t always walk behind me because you trust my directions. And you’ve got a nice ass yourself. Now c’mon, there’s another store I want to check out before we get picked up.”

Unprompted, Courtney could’ve sat in the same spot for hours replaying the conversation, but she didn’t get the chance. Willam’s hand wrapped around her own and began tugging her to their next destination, with no courtesy given to the fact that Courtney had spent the last few weeks using all of her willpower to avoid imagining feeling those hands on her skin.

[kasdeyathebitterwoman]

Running Mate - Part 11

Running Mate Part 11! Oh my gosh, this one got real angsty real fast! I’m going to do my best to keep that to a minimum going forward, lol. 

Word Count: 4,434

CW: mild language, cyberbullying

taglist:

@maeleeme @andyrazzledazzle @oddsnendsfanfics @fanfictionaddiction99 @henrycavillluv32 @jhenno2002 @xceafh @severuined @queenslandlover-93 @thummbelina @chamomilebottom @deep-in-my-thoughts13 @henryslilprincess @mitzwinchester

The day after your birthday, you took your mom and in-laws out shopping around London. On day two, you took anyone that wanted to on a trip to Paris where you walked around the Louvre and spending most of your time at Versailles. Henry was able to tag along which meant he got to spend more time watching you make a fool of yourself. He'd come to love traveling with you because you were amazed by just about everything. For example, the hall of mirrors at Versailles. 

“You don’t have to whisper,” he said out loud to you. Violently, you waved your hands at him and loudly shushed him. He laughed with raised eyebrows and watched you stare in awe at the ornate structures. James was with you as well so between the two of you, Henry got a glimpse of your directing skills and found himself developing a deeper admiration for you. Helen noticed the way he watched you. She noticed how attentive he was but how he also gave you your space. She could tell, he was very different from the last one. While you and James were filming, she got a moment alone with him. 

“How did the two of you meet?” she asks, looking up at Henry. He smiles at the memory. 

“She was running faster than me,” he replies. He glances at Helen who looks a little confused. “I was running along the countryside, actually around James’ house, as was y/n,” he explains. “She ended up lapping me several times,” he pauses, smiling. “She was the cutest thing I’d ever seen and I wanted to get to know her so I asked her out,” he looked over at Helen. She smiled up at him with a knowing smile, then she looked over and beamed at her daughter, who was laughing with James about something.

“Did you always want to be an actor, Henry?” she asks, turning her attention back to him. 

“Honestly, no,” he states. “I thought I would go into rugby or the Royal Marines like my dad or my brother,” he explains. Helen gives him an approving look. Then she laughs. 

“Y/n thought she would be everything from a marine biologist to a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader,” she says and Henry bellows at the thought of you in a skimpy cheerleader outfit, doing some silly routine.

“And somehow she ended up in film,” he stated, laughing with Helen. 

“Oh, she was always filming,” Helen stated. “If she wasn’t filming, she was taking pictures. She’s always been looking at the world through a lens,” she explains. They both look over at you as you pack up your gear and walk over to them. 

“Hey,” you say breathlessly, stepping next to Henry. Your mom looks back and forth between you before breaking out in a wide smile. 

“Gosh, y’all are just so cute!” you and Henry blush a little. 

“Mom!” you hiss, thoroughly embarrassed. Henry tips his head back and bellows again. You scrunch up your nose and him and he does it right back to you. Your mother giggles the whole time watching. The three of you join the others and wander around the gardens for a few hours. Henry is stopped multiple times by fans for pictures and autographs. As usual, he’s very kind and understanding. Your family watches from the side. 

“Is this normal?” Ellen asks you.

“Pretty much,” you say nodding. She looks almost appalled. “It doesn’t really bother me,” you add with a shrug. She takes what you say, nodding her head, though she clearly doesn’t agree with you. When he gets a chance, Henry says goodbye to his fans and trots back to you. Without a word, he takes your hand so you can go back to “normal” with your family. You interlace your fingers with his and he gently squeezes your hand. You glance up at him, smiling, happy that your hand fits perfectly in his. 

Later, when everyone is sitting at a cafe munching on snacks and drinking, he holds your hand in his lap. Your mother notices and smiles to herself. She doesn’t say anything, but she is thrilled to see how happy you are with Henry. Finally, it’s time to go back to London. Helen wants to get home with enough time to pack and rest. They have an early flight the next day to head back to the states. With a bittersweet goodbye, you leave everyone at James’ house then head back to your flat with Henry.

“Do you have anything you’d like me to take back to my place?” he asks, following you in. You laugh as you turn to face him. 

“It’s literally been a day since you gave me those keys,” you reply and he smiles goofily at you. 

“And?” he asks, wrapping his hands around your waist. “We could always take that box you mentioned to the Thames,” he states. 

“Oh no, that will require a blood sacrifice,” you explain dryly. He giggles then leans down to give you a sweet kiss. When he reluctantly leaves, you stare at the closed door for a while running your thumb over your lips, still feeling the tingle of Henry’s kiss. The next morning you drive to the airport to see your family off. You hold it together hugging your mom and your dad, waiting to get back to your car to cry. It’s only for a brief moment, but the weight of watching your family fly away hits you harder than you expected. Maybe it’s because you know you won’t be able to see them again for a while. Maybe it was Henry and all these new emotions you didn’t know how to deal with. Whatever it was, you drove home in silence, refusing to acknowledge anything you felt in the moment. 

Over the next week and a half, you split your time between research and packing. Henry was starting training for a new role, so he didn’t have much time to spare. When he was available, he worked with you moving your things to his house and unpacking them. For the most part, though, you worked with his assistant to take your things to and fro. On the days when you couldn’t pack, you were doing research. National Geographic had graciously offered their resources to you for work on your project with them. That meant you had to go into their offices about twice a week for meetings, updates, and more. You worked with a research team that you found very enjoyable and interesting, especially the grad-intern Callie. She was with a similar sense of humor and outlook of the world to yours. You joked with her most of the time while the two of you worked on finding more information about the area you would be filming in. You gave her the task of finding filming locations, the history behind them when applicable, and more information that would be necessary for the final proposal. 

The thing about documentaries, which you explained to Henry one night over dinner, was that they were incredibly meticulous pieces of work. 

“It’s just like a traditional movie,” you say. “You have to have a proposal which details everything from start to finish. The budget, hotels, equipment needed, the research you’ve done, interviews you’ve completed, and so on,” you take a bite of the steak that Henry grilled for you. “By the way, this marinade is fantastic,” you mumble through your bite. Henry laughs. 

“Well, thank you,” he replies. “How would you have the interviews if you haven’t actually filmed anything?” he asks, cutting up a piece of his own steak. 

“Pre-interviews,” you state. “Either through phone calls, emails, or by physically going to that person and talking with them,” you explain. Henry bobs his head in understanding. “We’ve got quite a bit so far through emails, but we may need to schedule phone interviews. Or, I may just see if I can tack on a few pre-interviews with a scouting trip soon,” you add. “If I get the okay to do that, I’m going to see if I can take Callie and Peter,” Henry smiles at that. 

“You like them, huh?” he asks and you nod. 

“I do, they’re good kids,” you say, smiling at your plate. Suddenly, Henry clears his voice loudly. 

“Listen, y/n, I need to talk with you about something,” he states. You look up at him. “I’m going to be getting further into my training over the next few days. Soon, I’ll be flying out for pre-production on this film,” he says and you bob your head a little, already aware of these facts. “While I’m working, I’ll be working closely with the Wade Eastwood stunt team, with,” he stops and looks you directly in the eye. “With Lucy,” you feel your whole body pause as he attempts to gauge your expression. 

“O-okay,” you reply meekly. Henry watches you with an increasingly furrowed brow and you think of something. “Am I - am I supposed to be jealous?” you ask him. A strange emotion passes across his face. 

“Heh, no, no you are not,” Henry replies. “I just wanted,” he stops to evaluate how he wants to word his next statements. “I wanted to be transparent with you. I don’t want you to ever think that I’m hiding something from you,” he says, softly. You push your food around on your plate absent-mindedly. 

“Okay,” you say simply. Before Henry can say anything, you jump up and take your dishes into the kitchen. Henry doesn’t miss a beat, following you. 

“Y/n,” he says your name low. He’s right behind you at the sink, close, but not touching you. You feel his desire for you burning hot. Taking a breath you turn around to face him. 

“Really, sugar, it’s okay,” you tell him before he’s even had a chance to speak. His brow furrows as he looks down at you. You stare back defiantly, unwilling to give in to the feelings that have held you captive for years. “I have some work I need to finish before bed,” you state. Henry lets you pass so you can go to your desk and avoid the conversation that needs to be had. You hear him sigh heavily as you walk away. Guilt takes over and you barely get any work done. Closing your laptop, you sigh deeply and place your head in your hand. For a few moments, you stay like that before you finally work up the courage. You go in search of Henry and find him in bed reading. 

“Hey,” he says, putting his book down when he sees you. You crawl into bed and sit next to him cross-legged. 

“I’m sorry,” you start. Henry looks at you confused. “I’m okay and it is okay that you will be working with Lucy again,” you tell him. Understanding softens Henry’s features. “That being said, trust is,” you stop, feeling your heartbeat suddenly speed up. “Trust is hard for me. Especially when it comes to relationships,” Henry’s hand reaches out for yours. 

“Come here,” he murmurs, tugging on your hand. You move, throwing one leg over both of his and straddle his lap. He rests his hands on your hips. You take a deep breath in and start again. 

“Where I come from, the way I was raised - trust is earned,” you state. Henry looks at you intently. 

“That’s a very good upbringing,” he replies quietly. Suddenly, you realize what you’ve just said and blush brightly. Henry notices and moves one hand from your hip to softly cup your cheek. 

“I’m sorry, Henry,” you say, but Henry stops you. 

“Y/n, it’s okay,” he says. You shake your head no. “Yes, it is,” he adds, firmly. “I have earned your respect but, in some ways, I have not earned your trust,” he explains. Guilt washes over you instantly. 

“That’s not what I meant,” you whisper. 

“Yes, it is,” Henry states. With his hand, he gently takes your chin between his forefinger and thumb so you have to look at him. “And it’s okay. It’s true, in some ways, I haven’t earned your trust as a partner. I haven’t had the opportunity to do so,” you look into his eyes, those blue eyes that shine with love. “I think this is my chance to do just that,” he looks at you, a soft smile making the lines around his eyes more prominent. “What do you think?” he asks. 

“I’d say, my granny would agree with you,” you say, smiling a little despite the overwhelming guilt. “And I do as well,” Henry smiles and places his hand at the nape of your neck. Gently, he pulls you in for a kiss that is soft and sweet and passionate. Breathing heavy, you lean back and look at your partner. He runs his thumb across your cheek gently. 

“This is all part of building a relationship with someone,” he says. “Building a life with someone. There are challenges and obstacles and problems that we have to solve together,” he runs his thumb across your bottom lip. “I’m loyal to a fault. When I’m with someone, I’m with them no matter what. I can promise you, that when I say I’m yours, I mean it,” he watches you with a gentle smile on his lips. 

“I do trust you,” you say quietly. 

“No, you don’t,” Henry teases, laughing a little at your shocked expression. 

“I do!” you exclaim and Henry laughs deeply. You hang your head with guilt and laugh as well. When he calms down, he smiles at you, running his hands up and down your sides. 

“I love you, y/n,” he sighs. You smile back at him, your hands resting on his plump chest. 

“I love you too, Henry,” 

“Yeah, you do,” he says smugly. Smiling, he pulls you in for a kiss even though you are muttering for him to shut up. The kiss is soft and raw and passionate. When he’s done, he shifts you so he’s holding you while you rest your head on his chest. “We’ll find our way, y/n,” he murmurs. His chest vibrates as he says it and you smile. You lay there with him, feeling his arms firmly around your body. 

The weeks that followed represented the kind of life you could expect with Henry. His time at the gym increased steadily until he was there for several hours a day. He was working on lines and studying up on his character when he wasn’t at the gym. That meant you rarely saw him even though you lived in the same house, which was actually fine. You were in and out of the National Geographic office working hard on your proposal. Though the deal was signed, you needed to create a game plan. That’s where Callie and Peter came in. They were your Heaven sent saviors, helping with so much. You did get approval to fly out with the two of them to scout various areas that they had researched. The day you have to fly out, Henry drives you to the airport. 

“Goodbye, little minx,” he murmurs, hugging you tightly at the terminal. You smile up at him when he lets go. 

“You’ll be in Arizona when I get back?” you ask, though you already know the answer. Henry nods his head not wanting to say yes out loud. “Okay,” you murmur. Quickly, you stand up on your tiptoes and kiss him. His hands latch onto your hips and he doesn’t let go for a moment. “Bye, sugar,” you whisper. Henry lets you go and watches you walk away. You meet up with Callie and Peter and wait to board your flight. While you sit and wait, Callie pulls her phone out and takes a video. 

“Off to an undisclosed location for work with my favorite person and mentor,” she says, pointing the camera at you. You were distracted reading an email so you look confused when you look up at her camera. 

“Wait, me?” you ask. Your mouth drops open when you realize she is referring to you as her mentor. “I’m the mentor?” Callie giggles as she nods her head yes. She stops filming there, laughing as she replays it before uploading it to her Instagram account. You make a mental note to find her account later and share that video. The announcement is made to board your flight and for the next thirteen hours, you, Callie, and Peter make the trek to Cusco, Peru. 

Your time in Cusco was well spent, finding several areas to film in. You were also able to meet with and speak with several people that would be involved in the final project. Callie helped you transcribe the interviews while Peter worked on finding and sending out the correct release forms you would need to film in several of the areas. Though there wasn’t much down time, when you did have some time, you, Callie, and Peter walked around the area. Cusco is a high tourist attraction, which meant there was enough to see without needing a guide or translator. It was a truly beautiful city and you couldn’t wait to come back to explore more for the film. 

On the day you were to return home, there was a delay at the airport. That meant the three of you were stuck waiting for a few hours. Bored, you sent a text to Henry then got on your Instagram account, which turned out to be a major mistake. Not only were you drowning in new followers, you were drowning in comments. Earlier in the week, you had found and reshared Callie’s video with a cute caption. Apparently, many of your new followers felt the need to comment on your repost. There were many cute, encouraging, and sweet messages from random strangers. There were even more that were ugly and mean. 

The only thing you could mentor her is how to be a gold digging bitch.

What? You? A mentor? How much did you pay her to say that????

You’ll be a great mentor! You’ll teach a new generation how to ride the coattails of others! 

We know you’re only in a relationship with Henry for his money. Leave him alone. Maybe teach her how to be a decent human being oh wait, you don’t even know how to do that yourself! 

Everyone knows that Henry’s still in love with Lucy. Why would he get her another job on another movie? Stop acting like you’re some amazing piece of ass when you’re just the cover to keep them happy.

Your heart rate sped up and you sighed heavily through your nose. Callie noticed and gave you an inquisitive look. You dismissed her with a wave of your hand. It didn’t work. “What’s going on?” she asked, looking at you concerned. You look at her and take in a deep breath. 

“It’s nothing,” you state, trying hard to believe it yourself. “Just stupid people making stupid comments about things they have no control over,” you lament, glancing at Callie. She grimaces. 

“You saw the comments,” she says, more as a statement rather than a question. For some reason, you can’t help the laughter that bubbles up from inside you. Knowing that Callie was monitoring the comments was both amusing and depressing, but you couldn’t tell the difference, so you just laugh. Callie watches you, shocked, for a moment before joining you in laughter nervously. “God, people can be so ridiculous,” you say, wheezing a little as you calm yourself down. 

“They’re just jealous,” Callie says in an attempt to comfort you. 

“Yeah, probably,” you shrug. Then you take another deep breath in and let it out. “My brother is gay and we grew up in a really small, backwards town in Texas,” you stop for a moment, listening to an announcement on the overhead speakers. “You know, I’ve had my fair share of second hand hate pretty much my whole life,” you say when the announcement is over. “What I didn’t understand then and what I don’t understand now is: what does it accomplish? Huh? What does attacking someone with hate accomplish?” you ask. It’s a rhetorical question, but the truth is, you want an answer. You want someone to explain it to you. 

“I think people do it because it makes them feel like they are exerting some kind of control over something they feel powerless too,” Callie answers you. “They don’t understand something and rather than take the time to learn about it, they tear it down into something they can destroy with simple words,” she looks at you. You stare back, surprised, at the profound statements that just came out of such a young mind. She blushes slightly, dropping her gaze. “I have two dads, so,” she looks back up at you. “I’m pretty familiar with second hand hate,” she shrugs a little. You smile back at her. 

“I knew there was a reason I liked you so much,” you tell her and watch as she blushes deeper. After a while, it’s finally announced that you can board the plane. As soon as you do, you pop two Dramamine pills and sleep until it’s time to set foot in England again. 

You walk into the little townhouse that you now share with Henry and sigh at the silence. There was some comfort in knowing the beast of a man you loved stayed here and yet, there was an emptiness that came with it as well. He was gone and you were here, left to your own devices. Taking in a deep breath, you shuffle to the bedroom to drop your bags off. On the bed, there is a wrapped gift, a bouquet of sunflowers, and a note. Picking up the note first, you see what’s inside. 

Welcome back little minx. I’m so glad you’re home and I’m so sorry I’m not there to welcome you properly. I know you’ll be working, but I found something that I think will help pass the time while we wait to be with each other again. Kal and I miss you desperately. Much love, your Henry x

You smile to yourself reading through the note. Then you glance at the thin, large wrapped gift on the bed. Curiosity takes over and you grab it, ripping open the smooth lavender paper. Inside is an album, Country Love Songs, with featured artists like Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Tammy Wynette and more. You gasp as you run your fingers over the cardstock as if this were a valuable piece of art. Overwhelmed with emotion, you sit down on the side of the bed holding the album in your lap, staring down at it for a while. You sigh as you set the album aside and grab your phone from your bag to text your brother Kyle. 

Hey, are you awake? You hit send, then stand up to change out of your clothes. 

Of course I’m awake, I’m a starving artist. What’s going on?

Think I could FaceTime you for a bit?

Sure

You opened the app, found your brother’s name, and clicked call. It rings for a few seconds with your face in a tiny box on at the bottom of your screen. Then your brother's tired face pops up and he smiles wide. “Hey bug!” 

“Hey Kip,” you reply, smiling back at your brother. Even through FaceTime, he can tell something is wrong. 

“Bug, what’s up?” he asks. The camera shakes a little as he switches his grip. You watch him for a moment, before responding. 

“I’m just,” you take in a deep breath. “I’m tired. I was in Peru for the last week and it was great, but then some awful little girls said horrible things on my Instagram,” you explain. “And Henry’s in Arizona, so I’m here by myself in what is technically his space and I just, I don’t know,” you sigh. 

“Hold on, y/n, did you move in with him?” Kyle asks. You glance up at the camera. 

“Yeah,” you say, shrugging your shoulders a little. Kyle whistles. 

“Damn, you must really like this guy,” he replies. “You didn’t even live with what’s-his-face before you got married,” he says and you laugh a little. 

“I love him, Kyle,” you murmur. Kyle watches you for a second. The camera shakes again as he switches hands. 

“Well, to discuss the other things you mentioned. I read some of the comments on that video you posted, which was super cute by the way,” he states making you giggle. “And honestly, if those comments are getting to you, then I have no idea who the hell you are. I know what those bitches used to say when you were in school and I know for a fact it was a hundred times worse than what these keyboard warriors have to say,” he says with a disgusted face. You are laughing out loud before you realize you were crying just moments before. “So what else is going on?” he pushes. You sigh. 

“Henry is working with his ex in Arizona,” you say, ashamed of yourself. 

“Ah,” Kyle tsks with a knowing expression. You roll your eyes. 

“Oh, don’t try to give me any of your psycho-babble bull shit,” you say. “You were a Psych major for one and a half semesters,” Kyle huffs. 

“Hey, hey, hey. My psycho-babble bull shit helps Marshall all the time,” he says quickly. “But I don’t need any of that to see what’s going on here, baby sister,” he says, looking at you pointedly. 

“And what’s going on here, big brother?” you ask in a mocking voice. Kyle sighs. 

“You’re scared,” he states. With those two words alone, you feel your heart being cracked open. “You’ve been hurt, bad, and you’re scared that it’s going to happen again,” he pauses, watching you for a moment. “Everything you are feeling right now, bug, is valid,” he says. You sniffle and fight back the tears that are threatening to fall. “The way I see it, you’ve got about two options right now,” Kyle adds. 

“What are my options?” you ask, sniffling and wiping at your eyes. 

“Well, option one is, you sit around moping and feeling sorry for yourself and ruining what could potentially be the best relationship you’ve ever been in,” he replies. 

“And what’s option number two?” 

“If Henry’s anything like you say he is, then option number two would be,” Kyle pauses, glancing at something off camera before looking back. “Trust him,” 

[fandom-necromancer]

Android psyche

This was prompted by the amazing @detroitbecomestickman! Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 | AU: human, coffeeshop

‘Hey, Tina, running late?’ ‘Fuck you Gavin, my bike had a flat tire, you know how it is. And I’m still on time.’ ‘Fine, I let the two minutes slide’, Gavin chuckled, bowing his head exaggeratedly. ‘Could you wipe the tables for me? I’ll go open up the shop.’ ‘On it, Sir’, Tina mock-saluted and grabbed rag and towel.

They were a good team. What Gavin lacked in customer service, Tina made up for him. He had other qualities: Without having to boast, he made the best coffee in all of Detroit. Even if his coffee shop was small, the knowledge had spread fast. And with the Wayne State University just around the corner, they couldn’t complain. Most days they had too much to do anyway and Gavin often thought about hiring another barista.

It was Thursday again, and Gavin told Tina to check on their Thirium reserves. They had a lot of regulars, but the newest addition was a group of androids on Thursdays. On point four pm they entered, mass ordering thirium coffee and retreating to a large table in the back. Gavin often found himself staring at them. At that time, their rhythm had always slowed down with little to no costumers and a lot of time for cleaning before the shop closed. ‘Why don’t you go over and talk to him?’, Tina whispered, elbowing him in the side. ‘What? No! What do you even mean?’ Tina laughed. ‘Gavin, I know you keep staring at that man and if you don’t speak to him soon, I will trap you both in this shop until the next morning!’ ‘Tina!’ She was right of course. There in that group of androids sat a remarkably handsome man. Neatly dressed in mostly black and white and the odd silver jewellery, freakishly tall, he was exactly Gavin’s type. Except that he likely was an android. ‘I won’t walk up to a group of androids and talk to one!’ ‘You don’t even know he is an android; he has no LED. Also, what’s the matter with that? They are persons now!’ ‘Tina, will you shut up? I won’t creep up on my costumers, that’s all!’

It still didn’t help keeping his eyes by himself. The man was handsome and looked even better when he laughed – what he did often. The android group spend their time here talking and laughing with each other. The group sometimes changed, some androids being absent, others there for the first time. But the man was a constant. And he seemed to ask them questions and take notes with no one betting an eye. Gavin had said they were students working on a project, although he didn’t know whether universities even accepted androids.

Regardless, Gavin only watched them and never talked to them except when taking their orders. It went on for several weeks, before their Thursday android-bingo-group changed pattern. This time it was only the man Gavin had kept an eye on. Gavin missed how he entered because he had to run to the toilet and saw him sitting on a table for two. He shrugged and returned behind the counter. Maybe he was waiting for his friends. But four pm passed. Half past four passed. And as the shop started to get more and more empty, the man started crying silently. No sobs, no hitching breath, just tears. Gavin didn’t know what to do, normally Tina was the one to handle these cases. He was more the the-shop’s-closing-phck-off man.

But the woman just nudged him forwards. ‘Come on, Gav, this is your chance. You know our policy! Everyone leaves happy unless they are rude, then they just leave.’ ‘Tina I-‘ ‘No. I watched you long enough’, Tina stood her ground. ‘You go talk to that man or I quit.’ ‘Tina…’ ‘Just go, idiot!’ So, he went. If anything, the man would stop crying and go on his way.

He walked up to the table, fidgeting with his small notebook. ‘Hey, I’m sorry, but could I bring you something?’, Gavin then asked, as he stood before the sniffling man. ‘It’s on the house.’ ‘What?’ The stranger lifted his head, quickly wiping his tears away, embarrassed. Despite the teary voice, it sounded soft. Beautiful even. ‘It seemed you had a bad day. Maybe something to cheer you up?’, Gavin tried again. The man looked at the desk, then up at him, slightly confused. ‘Why?’ ‘Hey, we wouldn’t exist if we just sold coffee’, Gavin chuckled. ‘Couldn’t compete with the big chains, you know? Usually my co-worker is better with this than me, but oh well.’ The man hummed, then leaned back folding his hands under the table. ‘A hot chocolate, please? With cream?’ Gavin stalled for a bit, before he nodded. ‘Oh. Okay, coming right up.’ He was already turning to get back to the counter, as the man held him back. ‘Wait.’ ‘Hm?’ ‘Why is that so surprising to you? My order I mean.’

Gavin quickly took out his phone to text Tina the order and to mull over whether or not telling the man he thought he was an android would be considered offensive. ‘Well, to be honest, I thought you were an android? I’m so sorry, I like androids, my best friends are- okay, that’s a lie, my worst enemies are androids’, he babbled thinking back at Connor, the android he had to pay the rent for this shop. ‘Err… Anyways, I mean-‘ He sighed. ‘Sorry for rambling, I don’t mean you or androids any offense.’

The man was smiling at him, amused about his awkward stammering. ‘You are cute’, he chuckled into the silence following, only to blush in embarrassment and slap his hand on his mouth. ‘Shit, I’m sorry, that’s inappropriate.’ Gavin wanted to disagree, but that was when Tina came with two mugs, one hot chocolate and one cappuccino. She put both down on the table, pressed his shoulders down, so Gavin would sit on the vacant chair and winked at him. He in turn now was red as a tomato and scratched his neck. ‘I… I don’t think it is. You-’ He gulped. ‘You are cute too, you know, when you’re… not crying?’

‘Heh, yeah, I think anyone would be’, the man said. ‘I’m Richard, by the way. Most people call me Nines though.’ ‘Gavin.’ ‘Nice to meet you, Gavin.’ He smiled, taking a sip from his cup. ‘Why did you think I was an android? I don’t have an LED.’ ‘Hmm, they don’t need to have them anymore. And you met with a lot of androids here.’ ‘Right…’ Nines’ smile faltered. ‘That… likely won’t happen anymore.’ ‘Really? Why?’, Gavin asked. ‘Sounded like you enjoyed the company.’ ‘I did. I am a psychology student, you know? But I’m not interested in human psyche, that has been thoroughly researched already. I am fascinated by deviancy and an android’s perspective on trauma. Unfortunately, some higher-ups decided android psyche is just bits and bytes and nothing I should spent my time with. They told me to become a programmer if I wanted to work with computers.’

Gavin lifted a brow. ‘Isn’t that racist nowadays?’ ‘Yeah, pretty sure it is. But I don’t think I can pull this argument when all my work, all my studies are suddenly invalidated. It’s always hard to see your dreams shattering. But I’ll pull myself up again. Find something else to do.’ Gavin thought about it. ‘But can you not still do your research?’ ‘With what funds? The university isn’t willing to pay me, because I may have told a certain professor to go fuck himself.’ He told this so deadpan, Gavin just had to laugh, thankful not to have any coffee in his mouth at that time. ‘Shit’, he wheezed. His futile attempts at getting himself back under control had Nines grinning. ‘Okay, that’s one way to go… But why not ask Cyberlife for help?’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well, if I know one thing, no one says no to money. And Cyberlife wants to polish their image since the revolution. They try to become service providers for androids. I believe they would be happy to invest in android psychologists or research there. In the very end, it’s at least worth a shot before giving up completely, isn’t it?’

The man in front of him frowned, slowly nodding along. ‘That… might actually work… Thank you! I will try that! How do you know that much about Cyberlife?’ Gavin cringed. ‘Hmm. My brother is the CEO…’ ‘Your brother is Elijah Kamski?’ Gavin looked around whether anyone had heard Nines. Thankfully most other patrons were too occupied with their personal talks. ‘My half-brother and I hate him, okay?’, Gavin hissed. ‘We see each other on Christmas and birthdays and it never ends well.’ ‘Wow, I never thought-‘ ‘That Kamski’s brother owns a shitty coffee-shop?’, Gavin asked, ready to re-evaluate his opinion on Nines. ‘No! It’s not shitty at all. No, I didn’t think Kamski’s brother would be… normal.’ ‘You mean boring?’ ‘No, I didn’t say that. I like normal. You don’t know what people are running around at campus.’ He looked down on his empty mug. ‘Err… It was a pleasure talking to you, I… I have a few e-mails to write now. Thank you for everything, you don’t know how much this means to me.’

‘Come again to tell me how it went?’, Gavin asked, standing up after Nines. ‘Of course!’ The man grinned from one ear to the other but kneaded his hands. He rocked a bit back and forth, then stepped up to Gavin for a hug. ‘Thank you, gotta go!’ With that he near sprinted out of the shop, leaving an overwhelmed Gavin standing there.

‘See?’, Tina teased, walking up to him to get their mugs. ‘That’s what can happen when you finally begin talking to people!’ ‘Oh shut up!’

[sunshine-tattoo]

star wars episode 7 au (and onwards).

since somebody has to take these strong female characters out of the hands of creepy white men.

- the first order does not exist

leia and everybody else actually did their jobs and the new Republic is a nice place where space nazis never resurfaced.

Instead they bring back democracy and human rights but also fix the problems of the old Republic, like poverty and corruption.

so the new republic is a democratic society with socialist aspects in terms of free healthcare, universal housing, and all access to nutritional food.

Snoke simply does not exist because his presence made no sense anyway.

- the Jedi are back but different

Luke also fixes the problems of the Jedi, like how they were dogmatic and cut off from ordinary people.

He makes the sacred texts readily available to anyone who is interested.

Jedi training is for anyone who is even slightly force sensitive and at any age. It's a grassroots organization that helps people with unique abilities understand their powers, kinda like the X-Men. They have small training facilities all over the galaxy and make them as accessible as possible.

They also help out as conflict resolution specialists. But this is only at local levels. No galactic wide range thing and no Senate orders.

Once someone has been trained to use their powers, they can do whatever they like with them, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

Many people join the Jedi to help their own communities with their powers.

Some become scholars and learn about the histories, publishing papers and teaching people.

As for Luke, he travels a lot and offers kindness and advice to any force sensitive person who seeks it. But he always has time for his friends and family.

He also discovered over the course of his travels that he is aro ace and so never married or had children. Tho he has trained quite a few young people and keeps in contact with them regularly.

- Ben solo never "fell to the dark side"

As part of the new Jedi understanding of the force, students learn that the light and dark are simply aspects of the force.

The light is connectedness to others.

The dark is connectedness to the self.

You need both to be a balanced person.

Ben Solo is perfectly emotionally healthy young man who uses his powers to understand himself and others. He also goes to therapy regularly to help deal with any problems he may have.

- there is a resistance but it's not for what you think

Even tho the galaxy is doing WAY better it's still got problems to be solved. Mainly some corruption and rich people hurting others.

The resistance is a secret group that goes to these places and solves the problems that the Senate cannot.

It is secretly led by Leia organa, who works as a senator.

Most of the people in the resistance, like poe and Finn and rose, are young people who suffered directly at the hands of the corrupt bastards they seek to take down. They help protect the galaxy's vulnerable.

Ben is also part of the resistance and mainly works as a healer.

- Rey is still on jakku at the start

She's not the granddaughter of Palpatine because that made no fucking sense. Also that would make her Luke and Leia's half sister, since Palpatine was canonically Anakin's father. (See the book Making of Revenge of the Sith)

Instead she's just an ordinary person who, like so many in the galaxy, was abandoned and is waiting for her family to return.

She's also a trans girl. Because I say so.

- Hux is not a space nazi

He's a young political leader on coruscant. Still kinda conservative when it comes to financial stuff but otherwise an ok dude.

Captain phasma is his body guard and head of his staff. She's an enormous aro ace gal who intimidates everyone around her. She and Hux are bffs forever.

Hux is also hella gay. He and Ben are boyfriends who bicker constantly and would die for each other.

- Ben is gender queer

After doing some research into his family heritage, he found that he had a lot in common with his grandmother, senator Amidala.

He frequently wears outfits similar to hers, including dresses. And the traditional naboo queen makeup.

- some actual plot stuff

Ben, Poe, Finn, and Rose are travelling on a resistance mission but their ship suffers an accidental malfunction. They crash on jakku and get separated.

Rey sees this from her home in the distance and goes out to see if anyone needs help. (and if there's some parts to scavenge)

There she meets Finn and bb-8 and helps them to some nearby caverns. It's getting dark out and it's not safe to travel at night, especially since Finn is injured.

She makes a fire and they talk a little.

Meanwhile Ben and Poe make it into another part of the cavern, bitching at each other the whole way.

Rose heads in a third entrance.

Ben senses Finn and they go towards it, scaring Rey and leading to a small scuffle between Rey and Ben.

Poe is simply overjoyed that his boyfriend is okay and proceeds to cover him in kisses, ignoring the idiots fighting in the corner.

Then rose comes in being chased by a cave monster and Rey and Ben must work together to scare it away. There rey accidentally uses the force and Ben is like "oh boy! Another one like me!"

The lot spend the night by the fire and get to know one another, munching on some spare rations. Rey secretly thinks that Rose is the most adorable person she's ever seen and wants to kiss her.

The next morning they are able to get an emergency communication going, thanks to rey's skills as a mechanic.

Luke, who was in the system on another mission, comes by with han and Chewie in the falcon. (which never got destroyed because that made no sense)

Rey is super gushy over han and his legend as a pilot. She agrees to help with their mission as long as they take her back to Jakku afterwards.

Ben talks to Luke privately about Rey's abilities, and how no one is coming for her. He wants to help. But Luke reminds him that everyone must make their own choices and even people with force abilities don't always want help with them. And that they must respect that.

They fly to Cantonica, which is where the resistance mission was supposed to take place, and shut down the child slavery ring. Wearing disguises of course since no one can know who is with the resistance.

They free the fathier (the racing animals), who flee into the forest. They gather hundreds of pieces of evidence against the ultra wealthy patrons and send it anonymously to the Senate. Where it will eventually be used to prosecute those rich assholes.

The enslaved children, and anyone else in need of help, are taken to Naboo. Which for generations has acted as a safe haven for refugees, immigrants, and all other asylum seekers.

Rey is in awe of what they have accomplished together, and what she has seen of the galaxy. But she still insists to be taken back to Jakku.

Ben takes her aside and tells her gently that no one is coming for her.

"I can see your tally marks on the wall. Each one is a tiny slice on your heart. If they continue, they will kill you."

Rey recognizes the truth of his words and grieves, letting him embrace her as a healer and friend while she cries.

She agrees to join the resistance but also wants to use their resources to find out who her family was. She wants to understand what kind of people would abandon a little girl.

Ben agrees to her terms, understanding that she needs this to help heal and move on.

They return to coruscant and meet up with Leia. Who sees this abandoned force sensitive queer child and is just "my baby now. Free daughter."

Luke agrees to help Rey with her powers and instructs Ben to help her when they are out on missions.

The movie ends with the five of them (plus bb-8) having dinner together as a bunch of close friends, laughing and being happy gay kids together.

- possible plots of sequels:

1. Rey meets her parents and confronts them.

2. Hux learns that his boyfriend is in the resistance and must re-evaluate how he sees the galaxy in terms of power and control.

3. Rey falls for Rose. Or Finn and everybody ends up in this big poly relationship.

[shimanostradic42-blog]

Shimano Stradic CI4+ Spinning Reel Review

Shimano is a multi-billion dollar manufacturer based in Japan. And now it is known as one of the most popular fishing brands in existence. Their influence on fishing equipment and innovations have had a significant impact on sportfishing today. Impressive for a company that only started designing precision fishing reels targeted to American bass anglers in 1978. Let’s take a quick look at the history before diving into our Shimano Stradic CI4 spinning reel review.

Shimano: Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle

Although founded all the way back in 1921 with only a single lathe, Shimano built it’s business on innovation. Shimano Iron Works, as it was known at the time, was mainly focused on bicycle freewheels.

Teach a Person High-Tech Manufacturing Techniques, and They’ll End up Fishing!

Back then, freewheels required the most technology produced, and Shozaburo Shimano’s decision to focus on this high-tech area foreshadowed the business’s focus on making products that required a high level of technical expertise. Especially noteworthy example is the technique of cold-forging. And cold forging technology is still a selling point worthy of mention in our modern Shimano Stradic CI4+ spinning reel review.

Fishing for the American Angler

By the time 1965 rolls around, Shimano is on its second president, Shozo Shimano, and the Shimano American Corporation is officially an entity in New York city. And not soon after, in 1970, the Fishing Tackle Division is launched. As the second business pillar, Shimano Fishing Tackled continued emphasizing a corporate vision that promoted public health through outdoor activities. The Bantam series of ultra-weight precision reels were introduced at the AFTMA show, and Shimano became a recognized name for anglers who wanted high tech, low weight fishing reels across the United States. Which brings us to our Shimano Stradic CI4+ spinning reel review!

Shimano Stradic Spinning Reels

The Stradic line has been around for quite some time, encompassing quite a few model numbers and names. But overall, this series of reels is known for its high quality, even as production has moved from Japan to Malaysia (which is always an angle that causes debate on fishing forums and reviews. But that does not change the fact that there is quite a bit of heritage in the product line. But let’s focus specifically on the technology that we’ll discuss in our Shimano Stradic CI4+ review spinning reel review. There are a couple generations worth of Ci4+ reels, but the 2016 model year is one of the most exciting due to the technology that is integrated into the reel.

Stradic Ci4+ Revamp: A Good Thing That Happened in 2016

There are some big differences introduced in 2016 that continue into the current model years. When you look at the pre 2016 and post 2016 reels, the differences are obviousl. But let’s go over what makes the Ci4+ the most special.

Stradic Ci4+ Throws its Weight Around

If you are an angler on a mission, you might spend your whole day casting and reeling, casting and reeling. That can be quite a workout on the arm muscles. And while a little workout never hurt anyone (… I think), as an angler you want to keep your energy up for fighting fish, or your buddy for the last cold beverage, not the repetitive casting motions that you do all day. So probably the number one thing to note in this Shimano Ci4+ spinning reel review is that the 2500 model weighs only 6.7oz. This can make a huge difference over a long day. Losing weight is hard work for everyone, and we’re including fishing reels. So what went into the weight loss? One of the most striking features is that the body of the reel is made from carbon: the high-tech material used in everything from F1 race cars, to the most advanced road bikes. Although metal might be more traditional for reel construction, never needing to worry about rust is a huge advantage for a fishing reel. After all, you might get wet out on the water. Speaking of water: sometimes your rod and reel might end up in it. You know, due to a moment of carelessness. (We’ll say it wasn’t yours, for the sake of this review). Or maybe you hooked a monster fish that was just waiting for you to turn your back. You tell us. So that ends up being one of the key points of the Shimano Ci4+ spinning reel review. If your rod and reel ends up in the drink, you are WAY likelier to recover it. Because of the low weight and corked rods, many reviewers have breathed a sigh of relief to discover that their investment did not end up at the bottom of whatever body of water they were fishing in. Phew! And that’s not even close to the end of the list of features that make up this Shimano Ci4+ spinning reel review.

All the Features

With the carbon fiber reel, you might think that Shimano is giving up its traditional expertise in cold-forged aluminum. Well, not so! The spool remains cold forged aluminum. The Magnumlite rotor claims 25% reduction in weight from previous models, adding to the easy-casting nature of this reel. The Hagane cold forged drive gear is another example of Shimano’s expertise in metallurgy. 200lbs tons of pressure are applied to room temperature aluminum. This means no cutting is used to make the super-fine metal teeth that give the smooth-reeling effortlessness that is one of the favorite benefits we found while researching for this Shimano Stradic CI4+. The use of precision forged metals keep the body of the reel stiff, which translates to more of your effort being transmitted through the drivetrain to fighting the fish you want in your boat. By using a cold forged metal drivetrain, all of the internal pieces critical to transferring your efforts to your line in the water operate at a very high efficiency. This is what drives the concept of the Hagane line: “eternally smooth reeling”. Quite a high bar to put out there, but according to more than a few anglers, Shimano efforts are successful and appreciated.

Reel Feedback on Amazon

Amazon reviews are always an interesting mixed bag, and there’s a lot to be said for searching through all the reviews rather than letting the algorithm decide what’s a valuable review or not all the time. Our Shimano Stradic CI4+ spinning reel review certainly wouldn’t be complete without a trip down the mighty Amazon of customer reviews. With 357 ratings averaging out to 4.6 stars, you know something is coming out right for the anglers who are using this reel. However if will behoove you to note some of the experiences that buyers have.

Get the Reel Thing

Some buyers report that they have been sent products with boxes already opened (not a good look for someone’s holiday present). One of the prominent Shimano CI4+ spinning reel reviews highlighted by the algorithm notes this. And with that kind of prominent placement, it’s clear that review has earned some attention from customers. Along the same lines, one buyer noted that he was first sent the incorrect product (but it was replaced quickly with the real thing). So if it’s not what it’s supposed to be, don’t be afraid to have Jeff Bezos do it again and send you what you really ordered. Another reviewer mentioned that for larger sized hands, the reel may not be as ergonomically satisfying as the older model with the larger, cushier crank. And of course, the classic: one person thinks that it should be 50 bucks cheaper. And for this reason he deducts a star. So as much as reviews can help you educate yourself for your fellow consumer’s experience, it’s important to remind yourself that everyone has biases. Yourself included! But you can always circumvent them through being honest with yourself (you know you deserve the best fishing equipment but that has budget consequences).

Bottom (Fishing) Line

So be sure to evaluate the reel on whatever metric is most important to you: easily recoverable in the water because of the light weight; the fact that you can cast and reel all day because of the same; or whether the high quality and product expertise makes you confident your hard-earned (or inherited, we’re not here to judge) dollars are buying expertise and longevity you value. After all, what’s most important is you find yourself out on the water; and from all the details gleaned in Shimano Stradic CI4+ spinning reel review, if this reel is in your budget, it will probably keep you casting and cranking away. Think about it, buy it, leave a review! Happy Fishing!

[thunderfeather-blog]

What is Macro Economics? Macro Economics Explained

What are macroeconomics and how do you win 100 bucks Bitcoin Cash? Stick around, I’ll tell you.

What is going on crypto family, so today I’m gonna be doing a quick and dirty post, and to be quite honest with you, a gross oversimplification of what a macroeconomics are.

Macroeconomics can be summed up as basically a study of the collection and overall commercial input-output and health of nations. It includes analysis of factors like unemployment, inflation, economic growth and interest rates. Using macroeconomics some people think they can predict where and when the booms and busts of economies will occur, but is that even possible? Can you really build a macro trends model accurate enough to establish when and where to invest to gain a profit?

To answer this question there are a number of factors to consider. First of all, in today’s worldwide economy everything is intertwined, there are numerous variables, a number of unknown factors and a ton of unpredictable relations and reactions that no economist can possibly know. In fact, one opinion on the subject is that gathering all the information needed to make accurate predictions is simply impossible. But is it? Right before the global crisis of 2007 and 2008 thanks to certain markers a handful of people had foreseen the collapse coming and managed to bid against the real estate market making millions of dollars while everyone else was losing everything. Stories like this, they suck but they’re fascinating with perjurer as case studies but they are not the norm. Riding the waves of the market without falling and drowning is mostly dependent on dumb luck, and that’s not a variable that multi-million dollar companies like to include in their business plan.

That being said, even if microeconomics isn’t necessarily a reliable compass, keeping an eye on the horizon to spot an approaching storm is better than burying our heads under the sand and hoping for the Sun. For many, macroeconomics is not a betting tool, it is simply an instrument of stability and planning that aims to give a better understanding of a whole economic echo system. Two examples of factors that are taken into account forming this kind of study are GDP and the unemployment rate. GDP stands for the gross domestic products and can be summed up as all the monetary value of goods and services bought and sold on the market in a certain period of time. GDP can be used to compare national economies to the international market or a measure of living standards between nations. However, it doesn’t consider parameters like environment, education and personal freedoms. When comparing GDPs of different years it’s important to consider variations in currencies value.

If the GDP of a country doubles over 20 years but in the meantime, inflation has reduced the value of money in half, what looks like major growth, in reality, is just a stable situation. The unemployment rate, on the other hand, is a perceptual value obtained by dividing the total number of unemployed workers, you know, those who qualify to be included in reporting, by the total of the labor force and then multiplying the result by 100. It gives you an idea of how many people can’t get a job in their country even if they really wanted one.

In the context of the unemployment rate, an unemployed worker is defined by those who are actively seeking for a job and haven’t found one yet. Those without a job and not looking to get one, like a college student, simply don’t qualify in those numbers. In the same manner, in the grand total of the labor force not reported it also includes children and retired folks.

Some other things macroeconomics covers are inflation and the Consumer Price Index, the overall fiscal and monetary policies of a country and how it all ties together. A funny thing about microeconomics is that when evaluating a market, it doesn’t really care that much about the economic model in use. Capitalism, communism, socialism, in a sense all become equal under the lens of macroeconomics and are ultimately judged only by the results, not by the philosophy behind the numbers.

So to sum everything up and with all the considerations on the table, I’d like to leave you with what one of the most influential investors in the world thinks about economists.

I don’t pay any attention to what economists say, frankly. ~ Warren Buffet, 2016 CNBC interview.

Well, think about it, you have all these economists with 160 IQs that spend all their life studying it, can you name me one super-wealthy economist that has ever made money out of securities? No. Warren Buffet is famous for considering many economists and microeconomics a silly thing, and he’s not alone. According to some of the other big players as well, trying to predict where the market is going is like chasing the wind. Good luck with that.

So in closing, I hope that this super quick and dirty post on macroeconomics has brought you some value, hopefully, at the very least you have a better understanding of all the things that go into making economies work. So please also let me know in the comments below what your thoughts are and what you want me to cover next.

And for the people that want the win the 100 dollars of Bitcoin Cash, go to the YouTube video, like, subscribe and post a comment with your public Bitcoin Cash (ABC) address. Come back on the live stream on Sunday or Monday on the Crypto Beadles YouTube channel to hang out with us and post with the same Bitcoin Cash (ABC) address in the chat. If you have not done all the steps another winner will be chosen, no exceptions. Crypto Beadles may or may not use the above method to pick a winner as well. He may randomly change the requirements on the fly and just choose someone based off an on-air task as well. If you’re not ok with this, don’t participate. In the meantime, we also did a quick and dirty video and post on how economies work. Why don’t you go check out that video or post, I’ll meet you there. God bless you, I love you and I’ll see you over here on market economies.

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[sabraeal]

Truth in Masquerade, Chapter 5: Le Beau Monde

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

An extremely, extremely late birthday gift for the fabulous @xaphrin. Let us all never speak of how late this was.

Lyrias is too small -- even if one generously lumps Wilant into the equation -- for Shirayuki to not be acutely aware of what is said about her.

(”The perfect scholar,” Yuzuri intones with Mistress Akane’s proper, measured cadence. “Always in the library, always the first for class. A first-rate thinker; the ideal student.”

Shirayuki tears open her evaluation with more vigor than strictly necessary. One corner rips from her efforts, but it doesn’t mar any of the message inside. “She’s never said all that.”

Suzu lets out a dubious honk. “Of course she has.”

“Maybe she didn’t say it.” Yuzuri waggles her own envelope. “But she’s certainly written it.”

Shirayuki stares down at the paper pinched between her fingers and just makes out the words, a pleasure in lecture. A few lines down, it reads, an abundantly clever mind.

She folds the paper over. “You don’t know that for sure.”)

It’s only too bad that, despite her sterling reputation in the classroom, the whole waking up early thing never took.

Worse still, neither did the waking up clever.

Birdsong wedges itself into the thin crevices of her dreams, levering Shirayuki, reluctantly, into the world of the waking. It’s a far gentler reveille than she’s used to; half a decade at Lyrias, and still the clangor of the bells jar her out of sleep more often than not.

Confusion sets in with all the regularly of morning fog, her memories filing in like recalcitrant students to remind her of the day, the season, where she last her research, where it should be. With an ease borne of practice, she electively forgets the last. There’s no need to start off the morning on a depressing note.

Her body wakes even slower, skin prickling numbly against the sheets. A breeze gently rolls over her, as warm as a summer in Wistal. It’s strange that she’s left her window open -- she knows better to trust in the weather of Wilant -- but the fresh air soothes her, reminds her of when she would leave open the window of her tiny office, an invitation --

And any moment now, Obi will hop though it to scold her.

If you get a cold, I’ll make sure Suzu is the one that treats you, he’ll grumble; an empty threat when he never lets anyone take care of her but himself. Or maybe, how am I supposed to keep you safe, Miss, if you leave such an invitation for any old rogue?

Maybe today she’ll let herself say, but you’re the only one who’s ever taken it.

Now that would make him stutter, make his jaw drop, maybe even make him blush --

But she shouldn’t be concerned with that. Not when she’s has -- has --

Her eyes fly open. Zen.

Zen, who is marrying someone else. Who is marrying Kihal.

Silk sheets slip slickly beneath her fingers, and – and she’s not in Wilant. Her bed at the castle may be extravagant compared to what she had grown used to at Lyrias, but it’s not this, not silken sheets and down pillows on a bed so wide she can’t touch the other side. She’s not in Wilant, not even in Clarines, but –

But in Tanbarun, in Shenezard Castle, and Obi –

Obi is clutching the far side of the bed like it’s flotsam after a shipwreck. Shirayuki stares, brow furrowing in numb consternation as she tries to will the events of last night back into her memories. There must be some reason he’s in her bed, an ocean of silk away, but her mind clunks along as it tries to find it, like gears whose teeth won’t mesh. Ah, how she wishes her mind was quicker to rise.

(“Just past first bell,” Obi drawls from the window, startling the beaker out of her hand. He catches it hardly more than a few inches from her hadn. “And already bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, eh, Miss?”

“Hn,” she grunts, tucking the glassware safely away on her bench. “I’m awake.”

“Oh yes.” She can hear the laugh flirting with his words. “I can tell.”

Her mouth pulls thin. It’s nowhere near fair that he’s so awake in the morning, so quick it’s like he’s been up since --

She twists toward him, eyes narrowed. Rumpled uniform, bruised under-eye, tousled hair. “It doesn’t count as being a morning person if you’ve been up all night, Obi.”

He jolts, surprise and guilt flashing across his face. Clearly, he hadn’t thought her awake enough to catch him out.

Obi gives her a sheepish smile, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Now, Miss, that’s all a matter of opinion.”)

The memories are right there, just out of reach, but they slip away when she looks at him, when her gaze lingers at where the sheets wrap tight around his waist and his naked back above it.

She stares, eyes tracing the patchwork of smooth bronze and puckered silver. His head is wrenched away from her, half-buried in the pillow he’s strangling, but she knows from his breathing, from the loose set of his jaw, that his mouth is slack, and he’s drooling.

She grins, reaching out for him, but the smell of medicinal herbs brings her up short. That is – that is the muscle balm she uses, and if Obi smells like it –

Her heart leaps to her throat. She’d – she’d been the one to invite him into her room, to ask him to undress. She’d been the one who suggest he – he stay, that this could be just another part of their deception

Distantly, she realizes that she has no idea whether there is anything beneath that sheet. Her palms itch; it’s entirely too tempting to peek, to try to peel back the silk and see just how much she has forgotten --

The clang of a tray dropping to the floor tears her attention away.

Obi bolts upright, blade in hand, and –

“A-apologies, my lady!” the maid squeaks, hands fluttering to her mouth. It’s a new one this morning, her mouth and eyes round as she stares at them. “A-and my lord! I only – I didn’t – oh!”

The maid hastily gathers up the cracked dishes, cheeks flaming, and scurries away.

It’s only the two of them in her rooms now, a sea of covers between them.

Obi clucks his tongue, knife disappearing with a quite flick of his fingers. “I guess that means no breakfast.”

She turns, staring.

He presses a hand to his chest. “I’m a growing boy, Miss. I need my five different kinds of pork.”

She stares harder.

“And a fruit cup,” he concedes smoothly, slipping out from beneath the covers. She squeaks, averting her eyes –

But it’s unnecessary; he’s wearing the same pants he had worn to dinner, creased and rumpled from a night of wear.

Whatever this feeling is in her breast, it’s not disappointment. “We’ll have to eat in the hall, then.”

Obi’s face wrinkles in distaste.

She ducks her head, trying to hide her smile. He’s come a long way; years ago he wouldn’t have turned his nose up at food found on the floor. “Unless you want to skip --”

“Fine,” he sighs. “At least that girl’s probably scurried off to report to the king. I’m sure he’s interested in who spends time in your bed.”

Shirayuki looks at the sheets between them, trying to think what the maid might glean from this, the both of them dressed, clutching to opposite ends of the bed. She may not be an expert in such things, but she doesn’t think it says lovers. “I hope it was convincing enough.”

He turns, as if to ask her meaning, and his eyes catch on the expanse of bed between them, the conspicuous lack of a lack of clothes. His mouth closes.

“Well,” he says, voice oddly stilted. “People see what they want to see.”

Shirayuki doesn’t allow herself to wonder what the king wants to see, doesn’t think about how Izana would have his spies report on every detail down to the cast of their eyes and position of their fingers so that he could form his own opinion.

She slides out of bed herself, nightgown fluttering around her legs. “I hope so.”

Miss has never needed much time to ready herself. While Yuzuri might take hours to change for dinner, Miss only took a handful of minutes -- unless she lost herself on the way from the bath to the door, pausing to look at the notes on her desk, or slide a book she had been looking for off her shelf, or reading just one more page before dinner.

(”But I’ve been looking for that all day,” Miss protests, leaning into the hand he’s placed on her back. “It will only take a minute!”

“Then you can do it after dinner.” He gives her a gentle push, herding her toward the door. “You’re hungry.”

Her mouth purses into a pout. “No, I’m --”

As always, her stomach obliges him, letting loose a gurgle he’s sure can be heard halfway down the hall.

“All right,” she relents, “dinner first.”)

It’s different here, in court. A woman isn’t fully dressed until she’s gone through her toilette, a word Obi can’t make heads or tails of, save that it involves at least four forms of underwear. There’s no dress thrown on over leggings here; oh no, here it is crinolines and corsets, hair pulled back in combs and flawless faces. Even with more modest dresses, the sort that can be put on without a lady’s maid -- or at least only requiring a helpful bodyguard with nimble fingers -- it still takes nearly half an hour.

Obi flops back onto her divan, a fussy thing with eagle-claw legs that looks like it might fall apart under one of the many assignations Tanbarun’s court is known for producing, and settles in to wait. Even here, all it takes him is a quick rinse and a change of clothes and he’s court-ready, ten minutes’ work. It’s the privilege of being in service as opposed to being served – you don’t have to look so nice when you’re supposed to blend in with the wallpaper.

He remembers the girls from last night, arguing over where his land would be and – ah, perhaps he would not be as much furniture as he is used to, this trip.

Obi picks at the rivets along divan’s border, trying to put it out of his mind. They would deal with that sort of thing when they came to it. Until then, he was just part bodyguard, part lady’s maid – and he’d just seen his Miss walk into the bath with that dove-gray number, the one with a thousand buttons. He’s more than content to spend his time guessing how many she’ll manage before she has to call him in to help

(“I don’t even know why they would cover them with cloth!” she squeaks, flushed from her hairline to halfway down her back. He can see every bit of it from where he’s standing. “It doesn’t help any!”

“Because you’re supposed to have someone else dressing you, Miss,” he teases, slipping buttons the size of peas through even smaller holes. “The more obviously you can’t put it on yourself, the more elegant it is.”

“It’s not as if everyone could have a lady’s maid all the time,” she protests, eyes wide when she meets his in the mirror. “Who is supposed to dress you if your maid is asleep?”

She wakes up is the true answer, but Obi has never let the truth get in the way of a good opportunity. “Your lover.”

“Oh!” Miss squeaks, blushing a painful red. “Oh my.”)

It’s not his Miss’s sweet voice summoning him that gets him to his feet, but an impatient knock at her door that. He darts a glance back at the bath, but Miss offers no explanation, the sound of running water drowning out anything she might hear from the rest of her quarters.

She’s clearly not expecting any visitors. After all, the only person they knew at court was the prince himself, and he would have barged straight through the door, scolding Sakaki for his bad manners. Unless Miss managed to make friends last night at dinner –

He grits his teeth. Her cousin. There was a chance that he was coming to…renew their acquaintance. And his miss would be all-too happy to reunite with family; she had told him last night, as they lay in bed, that her cousin had dangled her grandparents in front her of, a living set, and –

And Obi didn’t see the draw, but Miss had grown up with her family. She missed having blood to go back to. And here it was.

Conveniently.

He’s barely touched the doorknob before the door flies open, and --

His worries are for nothing. A parade of pink marches through, trailing the smell of roses behind it.

“You may wait outside,” Her Highness informs her likewise pink-clad companions, though in a paler shade than the princess herself. “I have private business to discuss with Lady Shirayuki.”

They demure at the door, casting him wary glances. Rona gives him a nod, and with entirely too much pleasure, he slams the door in their faces.

“Now there’s some decoration I didn’t see the other day,” he remarks evenly, watching Her Highness flounce to the divan, lounging at one corner. Out of all the royal family, he thinks he’s only ever seen Eugena sit properly in a chair. “New accessories?”

“Unfortunately not,” she sighs, waving a hand. “My father sends me the most unfashionable things sometimes. I leave them in my rooms when I can, but you know how men get when you don’t flaunt their gifts.”

He’s highly tempted to ask if she knows how men get with their gifts. He’s never quite kept track of Her Highness’s age, but she can’t be older than Ryuu, not by much, and at that age –

Well, never mind what he’d done at eighteen. Not anything a princess should be doing, that’s for sure.

“That is why most ladies curate their own collection,” he offers, leaning against the wall.

Her Highness grimaces, just for a moment. “Maybe when I control my own purse strings. Until then, Father is all too happy to ensure I’m properly dowered.”

His eyebrows raise at that. As far as he knew, Raj ran through his allowance at an alarming rate, and still the king had never cut the strings on his purse. Rona was much less likely to spend frivolously, unless she had good reason to seem frivolous, and –

Ah, that would be the problem. If she wasn’t going to spend it on baubles like her elder brother, or books like her youngest, just what would Her Highness be spending it on? Nothing that would let her father sleep easy at night, that was for certain.

“You should do what girls your age do,” he tells her. “Marry a very lenient husband. With deep pockets.”

Her eyebrows lift, amused. “From your mouth to father’s ears.”

He grins. “I --”

“Obi!” Miss’s voice floats out desperately from the bath. “Could you --? There’s just so many of them…”

She pokes her head around the jamb, hair in disarray. “I’m so – oh, Rona!”

He should not be wondering how far her blush extends, not with Her Highness watching him so closely, with such a sly smile on her face. Slipping up like this is what leads to him catching Miss after suspiciously clumsy accidents, or finding himself alone with her in cramped closets, or once, memorably, being shoved into a lake.

Especially since he doesn’t need to wonder, since he’ll be seeing it first hand in a few moments.

“Oh, Shirayuki,” Her Highness demures with the sort of smile sharks wear. “I did not mean to grab you in such a state of dishabille.”

Miss glances at him, all wide eyes and worry, before giving the princess a tremulous smile. “It’s all right, I just – just needed some help. With buttons.”

“Hasn’t my brother seen to your arrangements?” Her Highness asks, too innocent. “He should have sent a lady’s maid to see to you for your visit. I mean, until you find a more permanent one.”

“He…did.” Miss shuffles awkwardly at the door, looking like she’d much rather be having this particular conversation fully dressed. “It’s just…that it never seems to be the same one. So it’s just…easier if I ask…”

“Curious.” There’s something far too serious in Her Highness’s answer, but in a moment it’s gone, replaced with her too-innocent look. “Well, I am happy to help you now, if you --”

“No!” Miss darts a look at him, alarmed. “I mean…your offer is too kind, but I couldn’t possibly ask you to do something so…ah…simple. Obi is just fine. If he doesn’t mind.”

At the tip of his tongue is I would much rather be taking it off than putting it on, but he knows what reaction that would get. That’s something he could try on Miss Kiki, but Her Highness would get ideas, and Miss – Miss would blush.

His gaze raises to meet hers, and -- and there’s something steady in it, something reminds him of how a fire looks behind a screen, just barely tamed –

Well, he thinks all she would do is blush.

“Of course not, Miss.” He pushes off the wall before he remembers Her Highness is still in the room, and when she fixes him with a knowing look, he can only hope his skin obscures the heat he feels burning on his face.

“By all means,” she tell him with exaggerated graciousness. “Go rescue your Mistress. That’s your job after all.”

Her mouth spreads into an unnerving grin. “Don’t take too long, though.” Her eyebrows lift pointedly. “That how rumors start, you know.”

“I’m sorry.” Shirayuki whispers fervently as Obi closes the door to the bath. “I didn’t even heard the door open. If you’d like to finish your conversation, I can wait?”

“Don’t worry, Miss,” Obi soothes, as he always does, teeth peeking out from beneath his lips. “We were only talking about accessories, after all. Nothing important.”

She doubts that; Rona never talks save to say two things at once, and between the both of them, it’s Obi who knows how to play that game, making innocuous comments laden to bursting with meaning.

“You don’t have to --”

There’s suddenly no breath in her lungs, none at all, as silk cinches intimately around her waist. It’s his hands pulling it tight, closing the halves to help fasten them. There’s no – no reason for it to be such a surprise – she called him in here to help her, but –

But there’s something different in the way he touches her. Or rather, in the way he’s so careful to not. His hands never stray from the round pearl of the buttons, or the silk of the bodice but -- but for some reason it feels intimate, as if it were not cloth hugging her tight, but his own hands.

“There,” he murmurs, too loud in the quiet of the room. “I think that should do you, Miss.”

She presses a hand to her back, wondering how she can be buttoned to within an inch of her life and yet feel so undone.

“Thank you,” she breathes, brushing her palms against her hips. It doesn’t distract from the phantom pressure there, from how hands much larger than her own should hooked around them and –

Hah, that’s – that’s enough of that.

She turns on her heel, mouth open to – to says something inane, probably, but he’s so close her shoulder brushes against his sternum. In the dim light of the bath it seems as if the gold of his eyes nearly glow –

Ah, she hadn’t – hadn’t realized the room was this small. She’d…have to remember that. Later.

His smile looms far too close like this. “Anytime, Miss.”

For a moment she thinks he might close what little space is between them, that he might lift a hand to her cheek like he has last night, might hook his fingers around the curve of her jaw and –

And he steps to the side, gesturing toward the door. “It’s probably best not to keep her Highness Waiting. You might give her time to think.”

She wants to glare – she would glare, full of warning yet playful, a tease – but her shoulder brushes the bronze of his buttons as she passes, rumpling his lapel, and – and it feels too close to let their eyes meet. Instead she lets her feet carry her past, hardly daring to breathe until she’s in her chamber.

It’s a good thing she’s left the windows open; fresh air banishes her light-headedness like bells to miasma. The bath’s must have gone stale. There’s no other reason for – for all that, otherwise.

“Lady Shirayuki,” Rona drawls as she enters, lounging as much as propriety allows. “Or should I call you margravine, now?”

She grimaces before she can stop herself. “That won’t be necessary.”

“Oh, it will,” Rona promises her, the piercing green of her eyes watching her carefully, “but not for me, I think. After all, we are old friends, are we not?”

Shirayuki find that a bit of an overstatement for someone she sees once every two years, and has only dizzying, confounding conversations with. Then again, Raj also calls her a friend of a crown, and at times, a bosom companion with not even a hint of irony. Perhaps this is as much friendship as the Shenezards have comes to expect. At least they know she doesn’t have any ulterior motives, unlike most of the people they talk to on a regular basis.

Still, she doesn’t miss the way Rona’s gaze darts pointedly over her shoulder before cutting back to her. She’s being told something here, something the princess already knows Obi will take note of, if she doesn’t.

“Of course,” Shirayuki says, and she is pleasantly surprised to find the words natural in the air between them. Maybe they have become friends, with only sparse visits and letters between them.

Rona smiles, and to Shirayuki it seems genuine. “I am too pleased to hear it.”

A warmth settles over them. It’s nice to think that maybe she hasn’t only done Raj some good over the years, but also Rona. That maybe she’s been able to give some comfort, and is only now starting to receive it in return.

And just like her brother, the princess ruins the moment by continuing to speak.

“I trust that I will see you at my picnic.” Just like her father, Rona fails to understand the purpose of a request.

Shirayuki grits her teeth, ready to refuse the invitation – or, more accurately, the demand – but the princess forges on before she can reply, “In your honor, of course. The morning before the ball. All of my set will be there.”

In your honor. Shirayuki is beginning to think royalty only utters those words when they mean to say trap.

“I suppose they’re the only people worth knowing?” Obi offers blandly from the corner of the couch. Shirayuki feels her cheeks heat. Of course Obi is actually paying attention to what matters.

Rona’s mouth slants, sly, fan coming up to flutter coyly. “Hardly, I’m sure. Just the young and the fashionable.”

Having met more than a few of that sort between her time in both Wistal and Wilant, Shirayuki feels her already thin enthusiasm waning.

“That’s very kind of you, but --”

“I insist.”

Rona’s tone makes her hesitate, but when she looks up into the princess’s face, she’s all smiles.

“Don’t worry, Shirayuki,” she assures her with a pat on the hands. “I know you’ll be just The Thing.”

That was exactly what she was afraid of. Attention.

She hopes her grimace looks much more like a smile than it feels. “Lovely.”

Her Highness never lingers long after her mischief is managed – he’d suspect, if she were less flighty, that she plans her schemes down to the minute – but the princess does surprise by taking her leave almost as soon as her invitation is tendered. Miss stares at the closed door for a long moment after she’s swept from the room, leaving only the lingering taster of rose on the air.

“Well,” she says, wide-eyed. “I wonder what that was all about.”

Obi’s mouth twitches at the corner. “Something tells me we won’t have to wait long to find out.”

Obi is right, of course.

Within the hour she’s flooded with invitations – picnics, dinners, teas, soirees, and even, most memorably, some illicit horse races.

(”Oh,” Obi coos, eyebrows raised. “Now doesn’t that sound fun?”

Shirayuki snags the card from his hand. “Absolutely not.”)

“Where did these all come from?” she sighs, the pile spread out in front of her. She had received formal invitations before, of course; her work at Lyrias had captured the attention of more than a few enterprising merchants, and her continued presence at Wilant had assured a contingent of nobles had taken interest in her as well.

But those had been sparing, parties and dinner set months and miles apart, and easily turned down with no hard feelings. These are – more.

Obi cocks an eyebrow at her, mouth following suit. “A new margravine has suddenly showed up in their midst. Anyone who is anyone – and especially those who aren’t – are going to want a better look at you.”

“I was a margravine yesterday, too,” she mutters, more cross than she would like. “These are all for today.”

He snatches the offending pile from her hands, aggravatingly smug. “Yesterday, you didn’t have the attention of a princess.”

Her jaw drops. “Do you think Rona…?”

“Planned this?” Obi offers when her own mind will not. “If she can orchestrate me falling into a duck pond, I think she can manage making a few nobles interested in a mystery woman.”

Shirayuki grimaces, staring down that the pile. “What do I do?”

His smile turns tight. “Oh Miss,” he murmurs. “You aren’t going to like this.”

(He’s right: she doesn’t.

“Whoever I turn down will take it personally,” Miss complains with a sigh.

Obi can’t help but grin. She doesn’t even know these people, but already she hates to let them down. “Oh, absolutely.”

She deflates at the thought. “Then how am I supposed to do this?”

“Let me give you some advice Sir Hisame once gave me.”

She eyes him, dubious. “I wasn’t aware you took advice from traitors.”

“I take good advice whatever the source, Miss.” He grins, sharp. “Make friends carefully, and enemies purposefully.”

“Oh,” she breathes out, resting her cheeks on her fists. “That does sound like him.”)

“Lady Shirayuki.”

She startles at the title. It’s not odd – most of the court at Wistal had taken to using it after she had fallen into Zen’s orbit. Even Izana favored it, and though she’d tried to protest, he held up a quelling hand and told her, you will need every inch of respectability a title could afford you, if you plan to stay by my brother’s side.

If only he hadn’t been so right. He palm still itches when she thinks of that clerk, of the way his cultured voice had drawled, perhaps you should wait in the bedroom, where you’re used to…

But she’s beyond that now. She’s earned the respect her title grants her, even if she doesn’t agree with the institution. It’s not novelty that makes her flinch but instead –

Instead it is the gravity. Even the most earnest of Wistal’s courtiers had put a stress on it, had let it be known that their regard was a favor to be repaid, but now –

Now the footman stares at her expectantly, easily repeating, “Lady Shirayuki?”

She shakes herself. “Ah, yes, I’m here.”

“The countess apologizes for the wait. If you would follow me?” He gesture to a door leading further into the suite, and she springs to her feet, eager to follow.

“You’ll have to get used to that, you know,” Obi murmurs in her ear, grin implied by his tone. “A margravine never leaves home without her titles.”

Her mouth thins at the thought. “Maybe we won’t have to tell anyone in Clarines.”

His eyebrows raise, a corner of his mouth tagging alone. “I think they send letters out about this kind of thing, Miss.”

“They?” She can’t quite wrap her mind around who would care enough to keep track.

“Oh, you know.” He shrugs, careless as he escorts her to the door. “Spies.”

Her feet stutter to a stop beneath her, breath trapped in her chest, and she wants to ask him what he means, ask him just who he suspects of having spies, but –

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you, Miss?” he asks, eyeing the room beyond warily.

“Yes,” she sighs, fingers clenching on his arm. “I mean, no. I mean – I should go alone. I don’t want anyone to think I can’t – can’t go anywhere by myself.”

“But isn’t that what we want them to think, Miss?” he asks, in the way she knows is supposed to be a prod. “That you can’t go anywhere without me?”

She stares for a moment, mouth agape.

Obi grins, lewd. “You know, because I have to be ready to sate my mis --”

“All right, goodbye!” she yelps, dropping his arm as if it burns. “I hope you, ah, have fun entertaining yourself?”

“Oh, Miss,” he purrs, entirely too much, “don’t I always?”

(“Are you not to join your Mistress?” the countess’s footman asks, trying his best to look politely disinterested, while being hawkishly aware of his every gesture. With his level of skill, he’s obviously not been part of her household long. “Sir.”

Ah, so they have not missed his sudden upgrade in status from last night’s dinner. Server to served in a day’s time. That was good information to have.

“No,” Obi tells him airy. “You know how it is.”

“Sir?”

Obi leans in with a conspiratorial grin. “Girl talk.”)

“Margravine Entaepode.” A woman stands as she enters, her golden skin unlined and hair still a deep chestnut, save for one lock of stately white that reminds Shirayuki of a wave captured in oils.

Shirayuki bounces her knees in a small nod to a curtsy. She’s never believed in any of this bowing and scraping, of knowing the precise degree of obeisance one owes, but she can admit now that even if she does not, she needs to pretend she does. She’s just lucky margravine has bought her less time on her knees, as little as she likes it. “Countess Katares.”

She only knows the name from the invitation; she’d wanted to refuse all of them. It’s not as if she could tell one title from another – but Obi had hummed, had reminded her that Rona hardly did things without reason, and handing her this one off the pile.

“Let’s not stand on formality here,” Katares says, gesturing for her to take a seat at the table. “Call me Nereida. After all, I’ve been dying to meet you.”

Shirayuki wobbles as she sits. “You’ve heard of me?”

The countess’s mouth quirks wryly. “Is there anyone who hasn’t heard of you my now? You’re that mystery margravine, brought in from Clarines. Zemarchus’s secret heir.”

Shirayuki bows her head, the words I never knew him on her lips –

But they never have a chance to fall.

“—the girl who usurped Caius’s long-awaited reward,” she continues, teeth flashing behind her tea cup.

Shirayuki grimaces. “I didn’t mean to --”

“Of course not.” The countess waves her hand, as if it were hardly worth the effort to say. “But it doesn’t make it any less true. Though it is probably Theodosia whose chances you ruined most, and she won’t quickly forget that.”

“I --”

“Don’t worry too much about all that, Shirayuki,” Nereida tells her with a tittering laugh. “You may have made an enemy of her, but foiling Caius and his sister will only endear you to the rest of the court. Practically makes you one of those folk heroes the commoners like to coo over.”

She feels her mouth gaping, and she closes it. If only Obi were here, he would know what to say.

“Is that…?” There is no good way to pose this question, no way that doesn’t seem either desperate or scolding.

“Is that why everyone is so interested in you? Hardly. Everyone in this court has their agenda, and hopes to bend your ear to further it, whether that makes you a player or pawn.” Nereida offers her the sugar, which she denies, and the lemon, which she takes. “Except me, of course. I’ve reached the age where I have no cause for ambition and can firmly settle into being eccentric.”

It’s like having a conversation with Raj: circular and confusing. “Oh…”

“Though I love being fashionable and confounding,” Nereida tells her with a smile. “And by being the first to see you, why, that allows me to be both.”

“I…” Shirayuki blinks, lost.

The door opens, and a footman bustle in, bearing a tray.

“Oh good,” the countess says, smile broad and ravenous. “Luncheon has arrived.”

As much as Obi would have loved to take to the roofs, hanging from gutters and swinging from balconies as he made his rounds, gathering the information he should have days ago when they first arrived, he’s all-too awake of the eyes on him. As a guard, he was invisible, just moving décor for those with better bloodlines to ignore, but as a knight, and more importantly, a margravine’s lover –

Well, he won’t be going anywhere unobserved any time soon. His shoulders itch under the heavy cloth of his dress blacks, and he brings a hand up to one, rubbing out the tension. It’s a lot less fun being watched than being the watcher.

He’s starting to understand why his marks seemed so stupid. He’s walked the length of two corridors and already he wants to break into a run.

He takes a breath, bringing the problem into focus. He knows eyes are on him, that as long as they keep up this game, servants and spies will be dogging his steps. If he can’t get rid of them, the only thing he can do is identify them. Knowing who is so interested in the goings on of the margravine’s lover is information that can be useful. He has to go somewhere no one else would, where it would be simple to see who was following him.

Ah, the library.

For once, he’s glad Miss spent most of her visits in Tanbarun idling away her hours in the palace’s mustiest room. She’d told him it was fascinating, that it had even more books on more varied topics than the one at Wistal, but – the draw has always been lost on him. He’s fine at reading, but there’s far too much that’s more interesting than just words.

As expected, the cavernous room is empty, all its rococo trappings wasted upon an audience of none. He’s spent enough hours here to have memorized every curve of its fleur-de-lis, every crest of its leaf-like waves, but as much as he’s a fan of gold’s glitter, he fails to be impressed by gilt. He doubts Miss even bothered to look up.

He saunters towards the bank of giant windows lining the far side. They open, he knows; one of them is open even now, and the temptation to throw himself out it, to feel the air on his face and the hard jarring in his bones as he find his place to land is palpable. No one would know to look up if he sprung to the roofs here, he’d be away from prying eyes –

Obi drops his hand to the shelf below it. Impossible. Not in broad daylight, when anyone could look up and see him. If he was just a guard it would only be a curiosity, but as Miss’s knight, it would be a scandal.

Oh, how he misses being invisible.

“Obi?”

His head swivels towards the voice, wide green eyes awaiting him beneath a sweep of mousy brown. The second prince of Tanbarun practically blends into the library’s woodwork; even now Obi’s gaze wants to skip over him, to settle on something more eye-catching.

“I-I mean, Sir Obi,” the prince corrects himself, shuffling under the weight of the books in his arms. He’s Ryuu’s age, or at least thereabouts, but unlike Ryuu, the second prince never quite hit the growth spurt to send him to a remarkable height. Like his brother, he’s average, with no above-average personality to make him stand out.

“Highness.” Obi lifts some of the books from the prince’s arms, lightening his load. “I didn’t expect to see anyone here.”

That had, in fact, been the point.

The Younger Highness lifts his shoulder, an awkward shrug that serves to only make him smaller. Obi remembers that gesture too well, on a not-so-different boy. “This is where I always am. If I’m not in my rooms that is. Or wherever Rona dr—ah, brings me.”

Obi muffles his snort in a laugh. Good to see that, at least, hadn’t changed. The prince may be a retiring, quiet young man – but his sister would see to it that he was not forgotten. At least, not until she was packed up and sent off to her eventual husband, a world away if the king had any sense of self-preservation.

That was a sobering thought. No one to drag the recalcitrant prince out, after that.

Obi let out a huff of a laugh. No, Her Highness would burn half a world to see her brother remained properly socialized.

“I’m glad I found you,” Obi tells him. “I’d been meaning to come say hello, but…events haven’t allowed it.”

“Mm, I imagine they wouldn’t.” His Highness casts him a wary, yet hopeful glance. “Do you mean it? You were going to find me?”

He blinks. “Of course. You haven’t tried to make my mistress a concubine, or worse, pushed me in a duck pond. You’re practically my favorite Shenezard.”

The prince ducks his head, smiling.

“I’m sorry,” the boy says a moment later. “I mean, about my father. I know that he – he tries to force everyone’s hand. I’m sorry that it’s happening to you and Shirayuki.”

“It’s…” Obi presses his lips together, discarding words as soon as he thinks them. “…Not your fault.”

“I think he’s desperate,” the second prince confides, glancing at him from the corner of his eyes. “He’s tried to find Raj other wives, more…politically advantageous ones, but…”

His highness gives him a guilty look. “He’s managed to scuttle every one.”

Obi swallows his laugh. “Prince Raj? I can’t imagine why.” After all, don’t princesses just lap up bombastic declarations?

“I think…” The prince hesitates. “I think he’s done it on purpose.”

Obi’s brows draw together. “Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know.” Eugena looks at him, steady. “Maybe he already knows what he wants.”

The prince takes the stack of books from his arms. “Thank you, sir, for your help.”

“It’s Obi,” he says distantly. “And thank you for yours.”

“You didn’t bring your guard?” Nereida makes the remark mildly, as if it were regular conversation, as if she had not just implied that she made enemies by breathing before the sandwiches had been trotted out. “I heard you traveled few places without him.”

“His name wasn’t on your invitation,” Shirayuki replies, finally able to untie her tongue that much. “He didn’t want to be rude.”

“How disappointing,” the countess sighs. “I do love inappropriate people. And he seemed like the type. I’m given to understand he’s titled as well?”

“A knight,” she corrects, appetite leaving her, if it ever truly arrived.

“A knight.” The countess’s expression turns wistful, speculative. “A fair choice to be attached to a margravine.”

Shirayuki’s fingers fumble a scone. It’s impossible to miss the way the countess lingered over the word attached, implying far more than employment. It was what she wanted, what they wanted, and doubtlessly Obi would be pleased to know that the rumor had spread so far around court.

“At least loosely.” Nereida smiles, but her dark eyes remained fixed on her. “Though I wouldn’t be surprised if you found a title that fit you better at court.”

She’s so surprised, she doesn’t even think when she says, “Like what?”

Nereida grins. “Like princess.”

Shirayuki nearly chokes.

“I’m still getting used to margravine,” she insists, attempting a smile. It feels far more like a grimace, and the countess’s reaction doesn’t give her much hope for it seeming otherwise. “I don’t think I could handle another.”

“Ah, of course.” The countess lifts an inquiring brow. “You were…what, before?”

“An herbalist,” Shirayuki tells her, at least comfortable with this avenue of conversation. “At Wilant.”

The woman nods. “You were some sort of…physician?”

“Sometimes,” she says, trying to forget Suzu’s helpful patient requests. “But I did more research than pharmacy work.”

“Research,” Nereida looks interested despite herself. “On plants?”

“At first,” Shirayuki says. “But my recent project has been with pregnant women. The mother mortality rate post-birth is higher in the north than elsewhere in Clarines, and I’d been working to see if there was some sort of external factor.”

She expects, when she looks up from her plate, to see glazed eyes, to see a mind that has wandered, but –

But the countess is staring straight at her, unblinking. “You don’t say,” she murmurs, footman pouring her another cup of tea. “Do go on.”

Miss stumbles through the door, mouth pulled into a thin line, fingers picking at the pearls that keep her gown plastered to her body.

“A good luncheon?” Obi asks, grin tilting his mouth. He’d been interested in the countess since that first dinner; older women hardly stayed fashionable, especially widows, but by all accounts Katares had stayed at the top of the wheel, not quite driving fashion, but certainly not being crushed beneath.

Miss hesitates, hand still on her back. “Yes, actually. Strangely enough.”

That was…unexpected. “So the food was good, then?”

She gives him a flat look. “I mean that the countess seemed interested in my work.”

His eyebrows raise “Your work?”

Miss nods, teeth sinking into her lip. “I was surprised too.”

She finally unclasps the first button, and he holds up a hand. “You may not want to do that, Miss.”

Her eyebrows raise in question. “Why is that?”

He holds up a folded letter, and she grimaces.

“I don’t want to go to any more events today,” she sighs, trying to wave him off. He presses the letter toward her.

“I’m sure that this one you will.”

[fangsandforests]

Is a tarantula the right pet for you?

‘Tis the season of giving and the season of new (and sometimes spur-of-the-moment) pets. Tarantulas have been steadily gaining popularity as pets in recent years, and unfortunately, there’s still plenty of misinformation out there about how to properly care for them. If you’ve been thinking about adding this eight-legged critter to your family this year, please take some time to understand and evaluate this commitment. 

Tarantulas can live for decades (in some cases).

I mention this first and foremost because the species most readily available in pet stores (such as rose hair tarantulas) are usually the most long-lived. If you purchase a tarantula thinking it will only be around a few years, you need to be aware that some species can live for 20 or more years, which means they may still be in your care long after your kids have lost interest. Males have shorter lifespans than females, but they still may live 10-15 years in some cases. Be sure to look into the estimated lifespan of the species you're interested in and be prepared for a lengthy commitment. 

Tarantulas eat insects.

Okay, maybe this one is obvious. You may be thinking, “Well, duh, I knew that.” However, what you might not be thinking about is how you’re going to care for these insects until your tarantula consumes them. And you thought you were just getting one new mouth to feed!

Crickets are going to be the most accessible feeder insects, since your local PetSmart or Petco will likely have a continuous supply. But you typically have to buy a minimum of a dozen crickets, and if you have one tarantula eating about one cricket per week, you’re going to have to care for the other eleven until their time comes. Are you prepared to keep noisy, smelly, and messy crickets in your home? Are you squeamish about working with fast-moving insects? Are you prepared for the occasional escaped cricket wandering around your house? 

Even if you opt for easier feeders like mealworms or dubia, you still need to care for them properly, which means keeping their enclosures clean and feeding them well, because healthy feeders make healthy tarantulas. A tarantula isn’t going to be a good pet if you don’t like the thought of keeping a supply of insects like these in your house. 

And, no, you cannot just find insects in your backyard and give them to your tarantula! Wild insects may have been exposed to deadly pesticides and parasites, and you put your tarantula’s health at risk by doing this. 

Tarantulas do not like human interaction. 

Don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise. Tarantulas want to be left alone, all day, every day. Even if you choose a species that tends to be calm and relaxed, all tarantulas have their off days when they may decide to flee from you or stand and fight. If you’re looking for a pet you can handle on a regular basis, turn your attention toward a guinea pig or a gecko. 

I’ve written quite frequently about why handling tarantulas is a bad idea, so I won’t go into too much detail here. Basically, if you want a happy tarantula, you need to accept that it is a “hands-off” pet. Do not buy a tarantula just to take that shocking Instagram picture of it crawling over your face. It is simply not safe and is stressful for the tarantula no matter how you go about it. If you shrug your shoulders at this advice and handle your tarantula anyway, you will eventually end up with painfully itchy skin, a bite wound, or (most likely) a dead tarantula. Just don’t do it.   

"I got a jar of dirt, and guess what’s inside it!”

Going along with my previous point, a happy tarantula is one that feels safe, and tarantulas feel most secure in dark, tight spaces. Some species construct underground burrows and stay in them all day, only occasionally coming out at night. Spend enough time around tarantula keepers, and you’ll eventually hear the words “pet hole”; sometimes having a tarantula feels like you just have a box of dirt and you’re pretending something lives there. You may not see them unless it’s feeding time, and there are some species that won’t even come out for that. 

Now, there are tarantulas that tend to be visible most of the time (for example, the A. chalcodes and A. geniculata), but don’t expect them to be very active. If your tarantula is constantly on the move, it’s often an indication that it’s unhappy in its enclosure or experiencing stress. A tarantula might not be a good fit for you if you’re hoping for an active and entertaining pet. 

And now for the reasons you should get a tarantula.

When it comes to daily care, you’ll be surprised at how little it takes to make your tarantula happy. Because they prefer to be in cramped spaces, they do not need (or want) much space. I use large Exo Terra breeding boxes for my adult terrestrial species, mediums for my juveniles, and smalls for my dwarf species and older slings. I generally keep tiny slings in small condiment cups or vials. If you provide too much space, you’ll find that your tarantula only uses part of the enclosure. I once kept my A. geniculata in a 10″ by 24″ enclosure, and despite his 7″ size, he only used half the enclosure, rarely, if ever, venturing to the other side. The right enclosure for your tarantula might even be in your house already; some keepers simply drill ventilation holes in storage bins with locking lids, or clean out and ventilate empty food containers (peanut butter jars, pretzel tubs, etc.).   

Once you have an appropriate enclosure, you just need a water dish (no sponges, please!) that you keep clean and filled with fresh water, a hide the tarantula can fit in comfortably, enough substrate to burrow in if they so desire (most keepers use coco fiber substrate), and an insect meal about once a week. This care routine varies a little depending on the type of tarantula (terrestrial, fossorial, or arboreal) and species, so it’s always a good idea to do some research on the kind of tarantula you’re interested in. 

Some stores may try to convince you to purchase heat lamps or heat mats - don’t! These devices have been known to kill tarantulas and make them dangerously dehydrated. If your room temperature is comfortable (roughly 70-80 degrees), you don’t have to worry about heating. Lighting is also unnecessary. All this means that setting up a tarantula’s home is about as cheap as it gets! 

Even though some of my notes above might make tarantulas sound boring, they can make very rewarding pets for the right keeper. Tarantulas are unique and fascinating. Once you witness the molting process or see a box of substrate turn into a work or art overnight, you’ll understand what’s really worthwhile about caring for a tarantula. And your options are overwhelming; there are countless species out there with different colors and characteristics. 

As I’ve said before, always do your research before getting any new pet. Ask questions. Talk to experienced keepers. And even after you have a tarantula of your own, keep learning. Like most exotic pets, we’re regularly discovering more about tarantulas through scientific studies and keeper observations, and our care for them should evolve as knowledge progresses. 

Stay tuned for next week’s post about another interesting pet you might want to consider gifting this year! (Hint: It’s another invertebrate, but this one is handle-able!) 

[918kissmalaysia3-blog]

Tips on how to Compare Online Casinos

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Mega888 Malaysia

It's Most About the actual Games

Any time it comes to on the internet internet casinos, I come for you to play u play to help win. However and main, I arrive at play. In which means that you're not really going to stick all-around playing a you no longer enjoy. Even if you actually participate in a game popular to all gambling dens such as poker, if the program is weak you are generally almost guaranteed to help make a fast "exit. inch

Because online gambling houses merely feature games exactly where bets are involved, you may well think your alternatives are constrained, but you am not able to always be farther from the real truth. Many companies pride by themselves about thinking outside the particular box and supplying brand-new and innovative video game titles in which raise the bar regarding graphics, sound and playability. It is a good option to get an plan of which on-line internet casinos carry games that you're serious in playing. Companies just like Rival and Cryptologic are merely two of the numerous top internet casino software guru services that force the bag with each game these people put out.

Likewise recognize that each software company has their own fashion. Equivalent, as I stated above, has great video games, but tends to serve the younger crowd involving casino players. They target deep into graphics and online games this appeal to "video gamers" over anyone different. Where as Cryptologic carries a knack for taking common game titles and making all of them fresh and also exciting yet again.

Banking Characteristics

Naturally men and women when participating in online, a single wants to make certain that they will are able to gain access to their money since easily and conveniently as is possible. Almost all online casinos present straightforward depositing processes by which a person deposit money straight into a great account for use in that one online casino. Nonetheless, not every on line casino runs the same way. RTG along with Playtech incorporate their own own computer software methods in order to manage money when Cryptologic uses "Ecash. inches

Appearance for Peer Reviews

A web casino will tell an individual anything and everything to help you get to gamble at their particular online casino. Can anyone blame these? They need to make money. The idea is into their best fascination to sell their casino online as the biggest in addition to the ideal. Therefore, your own personal best bet on investigating an online casino is usually to seek out customer testimonials on playing review internet sites.

Online avid gamers are ardent about the gambling dens that they love and venomous to those they loathe. Ahead of spending a dime, the idea behooves you to learn a number of reviews and gain from the connection with some others. There are so several sites around offering first-rate, third party evaluations connected with online casinos. Though you are going to be gambling at typically the gambling establishment, it's best certainly not to gamble with a online casino.

Beware of Sign Upwards Bonus products

Sign up bonus products as far as I am just concerned are the sweets a shady stranger employs to be able to lure a children into a lorrie. That they say nothing for often the on the web casino's game-play or maybe customer satisfaction. I shall employ yet another simile. They usually are like an advert compensation from a car store make there to sketch pushovers into the handbags of store assistant. Bottom range, there's always a find. In the above examples you actually either get abducted and also have the old "switcharoo" pulled with you and conclusion up paying a lot more when compared with you wanted for any auto.

Online casinos tend to be no distinct. Often the actual sign up bonus can provide some exorbitant amount associated with cost-free money. That's precisely what it affirms on the particular surface. But what many people don't show you is which if you want that will dollars to pay off of, you will have for you to pay a more exorbitant volume in gambles until a person meet your minimum amount in which lets you cash out and about... if you have just about any winnings that is.

[allwaswell16]

Annual Writing Self Evaluation

I was tagged by @louandhazaf <3 Thanks, Nic! 

1. List of works published this year: 

Faded From This Touch | 7k

 No Easy Love (Could Make Me Feel This Way) | 17k

Running Through a Cloud of Steam  | 5k

 And Follow the Sun | 100 words

 I Didn’t Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me)  | 20k

 Every Piece of You (It Just Fits Perfectly)  | 7k

 Maybe I’ve Been California Dreaming | 100 words

 Dive (Series)  | 21k 

 When the Sun Won’t Let You Sleep  | 30k

 Sit Next To Me  | 12k

 Falling Back | 100 words

 If I Loved You Less  | 36k

 Staring Across Barcelona  | 7k

 Charity Ficlets | 10k

 Pictures of You | Drarry | 2k

I saw someone add some stats here that I found interesting, so I’m going to include that here:

I published 15 works for a total of 199,784 words (not including some drabbles that are only published to tumblr.) Hmmm, I’m realizing my stats might be skewed because of an epilogue I wrote for a fic from last year. Oh well, I was told there would be no maths, so I’m not going to figure it out now. Oh for fuck’s sake, I’m realizing I have counted the Dive series as one work, but ao3 counts it as 5 or however many of them there are. Blah. No one check my maths please.

10 fics rated Explicit, 3 Mature, 3 Teen, 2 General and 1 Not Rated.  All were Larry except for one Drarry fic.

My most popular fic this year was I Didn’t Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me), which is also the most popular thing I’ve written ever. Why? I have no idea. You guys are weird. I’m not weird at all for writing about monitor lizards. My second most popular fic was If I Loved You Less, which is telling me you guys like a/b/o fics, maybe? idk.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Probably When the Sun Won’t Let You Sleep. That fic consumed me while I wrote it. I constantly thought about it, and the characters talked to me all the time in my head. I knew them inside and out. When I first came up with the idea of Antarctic research scientists, I had no idea what the story was really going to be about until I started researching the British Antarctic Survey. There are so many stories to be told from the absolute ends of the earth that I had no idea existed. The fic became a story of why Louis found himself in Antarctica, but he’s not an entirely reliable narrator of his story. The other characters help you figure out why he’s really come to the ends of the earth.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I wouldn’t say I’m not proud of anything I wrote this year, but I’m a bit mystified by the popularity of I Didn’t Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me). To me it was just some silly thing I wrote to fulfill a couple of prompts that I put together. I had fun writing it though! And it’s always fun to have lots of people talk to you about a fic, so that was nice, too! 

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

(From If I Loved You Less)

Louis’ heart pounded at the sudden intimacy of a darkened garden, although other couples strolled through the lantern lit pathway.

“I hope I was not interrupting you in the ballroom.”

Lord Styles’ voice sent a shiver through him that Louis could never quite control whilst in his presence. “No, you did not, and I thank you for coming to my aid.”

“Ah, I sensed you were in need of it,” he said simply as he offered Louis a sly smile. It seemed they were both in agreement on Baron Winston. The music of a waltz floated through the air, and Lord Styles hesitated on the stone path. “Shall we return for our dance?”

“If you’d like to,” Louis said, though a bit reluctant to leave this small oasis from the heated ballroom and if he were honest with himself, reluctant to sever this small moment of privacy with Lord Styles.

“I would rather walk and speak of nearly any topic rather than return to the ball,” Lord Styles declared.

“Is that right?” Louis ducked his head to hide his smile at Lord Styles’ honesty. He quite liked that he seemed always so forthright.

“Yes, and I’d dearly like to spend my time elsewhere.”

“Why don’t you?” Louis asked boldly as he looked back up at Lord Styles’ handsome profile, almost sure of the answer.

Lord Styles’ lips pursed a bit and he made a funny twitch of his nose as though to prevent a grin from spreading across his face.

“I think you know why,” he whispered into the darkness.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I had the opportunity to write a fic for @greatpemberly this year as part of @1dfanworksforcharity and when I discovered what her ao3 was, I was so so happy. I recognized her ao3 immediately as someone who has been reading and commenting on my fics for years. It was an honor to write for someone who has supported me for so long. 

I feel extremely lucky to have the response I’ve had to my fics in general and to get the comments I receive. I respond to every single comment, and I appreciate every single one. The long ones with people yelling about specific parts make me grin like an idiot, and the short ones letting me know they’ve read or reread something show up in my ao3 emails and bring a smile to my face, too. Whenever I get a comment from a writer I admire, I try not to make a fool of myself in the response but I don’t always succeed. lol. I mean, come on, if Dolce comments on your fic, you get to dance around your kitchen for a while, right? 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I had a meltdown in November. I was trying to do nanowrimo and I’d written 27k of my Big Bang for next year and was kicking ass really. However, my Big Bang is angsty, and it was way too intense for me to try and write that much difficult writing in that amount of time. It messed with my head in a way fic has never messed with it before. It scared me a little. So I quit nano halfway through, and it was definitely the right thing to do for my mental health.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Niall and Shawn in If I Loved You Less. When I started writing that fic, I had basically no notes on what Shawn was like and only a vague idea of what Niall was like, but as soon as I started writing it, they threatened constantly to just take over the fic. lol. My beta said when I started, if I was sure I wasn’t writing a Shiall fic. 

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Just the act of writing so much last year and this year has helped me hone my skills a bit. There are things about how I write now that isn’t present in my earlier fics. And it’s simply from just writing so much that it gets easier to create a more well rounded story, I think. When I structure a story now, my outline isn’t just a series of points anymore. I’m much better I think at coming up with the story arc so that I can focus more on characters. Taggiecb really helped me with “inner monologue” and calling me out when I wasn’t doing it. lol. I also wrote a fic in past tense this year for the first time, which was a much bigger challenge than I ever thought it would be.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I just hope to keep writing and reading as much as possible! I think the fics I have planned are ambitious in different ways, so I hope to keep challenging myself. 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

My answer is always @taggiecb. I don’t know if anyone understands that every single thing I write must first pass her initial test. I write first to entertain her and then I think about myself and everyone else. haha. We’re not co-dependent at all! But truly no one understands me like she does and no one loves my writing like she does, and it’s definitely mutual. <3

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Always. Every fic has something of me in it.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I hope to just encourage writers to seek out other writers for support if they need it. Writing doesn’t have to be something you do alone. If you’re having trouble getting people to read your stuff, I’d say to write for challenges and exchanges. I wrote for so many over the last few years, and I really think that’s where a lot of people found my fics. This certainly isn’t new wisdom, but I think it helps to write and read as often as possible. The more you write, the better you’ll become at the craft of writing. The more you read, the more inspired you’ll become. If you don’t read the other fics in your fandom, you will miss out on finding new and exciting things to write and reminding yourself on what you can work on to get better. The reading is nearly as important as the writing.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’m in the middle of writing my Big Bang fic right now. So that’s what I’ll be working on until it’s done. It’s an intense amnesia au that has a twist to it. Hopefully, I can pull it off. It will likely be the longest thing I’ve written. 

@afirethatcannotdie and I are going to run another round of @larryabroad, so actually, Ellie, we need to get on organizing that again soon. haha. 

I have two other fics that I have plotted that I’d like to write in 2019. One is probably for the @1000feelingsfics challenge and is a soulmate au based on a drabble I wrote for the Fall Drabble Challenge. The other is a bucket list au that involves a lot of travel, so maybe that could be for Larry Abroad. Not for sure on that yet. 

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@goodmorningtoyouuniverse @rosegoldhlfics @phd-mama   @becomeawendybird @taggiecb @helloamhere @hereforlou @2tiedships2 @humhalleloujah @dimpled-halo I tagged more than 3 because everyone should do this if they want! If you see this and want to do it, just say I tagged you! <3

*All answers should be about works published in 2018. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want.

(also, here’re my responses from 2016, 2017)

[lizeng]

Grow in Every Way Possible

I often come across great people who are excellent in their own way, or admirable leaders who are experts in their specific field. Never had I known Erbil Karaman did I realize personal growth can be pushed to such an incredible level. From Erbil, I have learned that great leaders don't just tell, they walk the talk themselves. Here are 10 great take aways from knowing a humble, passionate and driven product leader.

Know yourself and what you want

"Any goals can be achieved, if you want to get there, you will". This was the first thing I heard during my career conversation with Erbil. It's a reminder for myself that growing from a designer to an entrepreneur is possible and there are many ways to get there. People who are great at what they do know the options, and the reasons why they chose a certain path. In the product world, there are 2B and 2C, plus so many verticals one can choose. Erbil chose 2C product because he thinks human psychology is very interesting. He also chose mission based product because he find a sense of purpose in serving others. I couldn't agree more on finding purpose in the work we do.

Hardworking is a talent and a discipline

I often feel inspired by people's story of waking up early at 5:00am and start their day. Erbil works everyday from 7:00am till 1:00am including weekends. He has high energy and also know how to reserve energy for high capacity work. Everyone around him is amazed by how long he works and still be present and display the best self through all meetings. He said taking small breaks and eat snacks are good ways to keep his energy high. People like Erbil have God given high energy, and they also practice extreme discipline to utilize their energy well. To work hard, we have to know our physical conditions and learn how to maximize our energy. Erbil showed me that it is possible to work for long hours and still keep energy high, especially if we are doing what we love.

One can be busy and responsive

Doesn't everyone forget something when we get busy? I don't think that is the case for Erbil. I had never find Erbil missing a Slack message or email I sent during the time we worked together. He has a system to prioritize before he does other things like messages. I cannot believe how responsive Erbil is to anyone despite being a CPO who oversees many teams and task forces. Knowing Erbil, "being busy" cannot simply be an excuse for none-responsive behavior anymore. He definitely inspires me to be more responsive and caring to others in workplace and in life.

Take every opportunity to learn

Another thing Erbil inspires me is that he always prioritizes learning. We can learn different things in many ways. Erbil taught me his way of learning through work, people, monthly topics and other resources. People like Erbil who value growth are extremely resourceful. Erbil has gone miles beyond when it comes to resources and creative ways to learn. He often talks about exchanging knowledge with people from different expertise. He absorb from everyone he works closely in the company. It shifted the way how I view coworkers and friends around me. Everyone can be an inspiration for us if see what we can learn from them.

It's now, not the past or future

I usually breakdown my goals into timelines as I consider it a progressive strategy. However, if I want to get to a place in 10 years, why not to learn what's needed now instead of 8-10 years later? Erbil's experience and story showed me taking advantage of the present time and resources is the key to fast personal growth. Living in this information age, anyone can become a master they spend enough time researching about it. But why wouldn't us? Like many people, I blocked myself mentally through a plan and a timeline, thus missing the opportunities to leverage now. Remember, future is shaped by "now". If we can jump to our future learning now, we can be at the future faster than we expected.

See the essence, everything else is secondary

In professional life, many people value certificates, degree, titles and how they look to the public. Erbil graduated from one college in Turkey, and he had no other credentials or certificates in the U.S. He worked at Facebook and Lyft. Though he had the chance to take very high positions at these big companies, he chose to work as a PM lead in different projects and maximize his learning opportunities. As a result, his experience and knowledge is beyond his peers who spend the same amount of time in the same company. Everyone owns 24 hours a day, what we do and how we use it matters a lot. When I see through the lens of my career, I know it is the experience, growth and knowledge in my head that matters most, not anything else. 

Face our weakness is a path to excellence

No one is perfect. Thus, everyone has room to grow and improve personally or professionally.  Even during the time I was teaching, despite the great comments, it was tuff to hear students' feedbacks at the end of every semester. When some people get to a high level, they hear only great things and they feel great. That was not the case for Erbil. During the time I worked with Erbil, I have done 360 evaluation anonymously for him.  He may have realized how hard it was to receive constructive feedbacks from people he manage, he collect survey results anonymously. He faces his flaws and is willing to make change to it quickly. One of the reason I thought why Erbil is so approachable and easy to communicate as a leader - may be because he had improved overtime through feedbacks he collected. This is another evidence, why growth is Erbil's priority in life.

Embrace change and expand the range

One big take away after consulting with Erbil is to embrace knowledge and experience from each vertical. I used to think focusing on a specific field can provide in-depth expertise to our career, but that might not be the case for tech industry. The book “Range” by David Epstein explains it very well. A lot of innovation and creativity came from people who have cross discipline knowledge. A wide range of experience can spark interesting thinking in product design and approaches. That is also the reason I decided to work in Fin-tech with Erbil.

Respect our personality and style

Lastly, I think Erbil knows himself very well. During the time we worked together, I saw him reading the enneagram books with leadership to figure out different ways of working. Though in the end he didn’t stay at our company, I know he respected his own personality and knows his style of working. Even through his departure, I have also learned to respect my inner feelings and true personality. If something isn’t working out for us, endurance can only make it more painful.

[rickjsposts]

Superbowl Sunday, my analysis, my value added services to my service. My thoughts for a Sunday morning

New Post has been published on https://www.rickjshandicappingpicks.com/superbowl-sunday-my-analysis-my-value-added-services-to-my-service-my-thoughts-for-a-sunday-morning/

Superbowl Sunday, my analysis, my value added services to my service. My thoughts for a Sunday morning

Superbowl Sunday is finally here with KC matching up with TB.

First, let’s start out with This season’s record for my plays in the NFL:

Season to Date Sides:  17-8-2 or 68%

Season to Date Totals: 8-7  or 53.33%

Combined Season to Date: 25-15-2 or 62.5%

If you are laying -110 on these picks you would be +8.5 Units for the NFL Season.

Not a lot of plays, but it was a very steady NFL season with virtually no drawdown.  I will take these results every year:)

As those of you that have been following me for the last 12+ years I have been online, the NFL has been as steady a sport for me as you will find. While most struggle every year in the NFL, for some reason I find it the easiest to handicap.

All my past year records are available either here on this site, On slack, or on Google sheets. If anyone has any interest in all my past records just send me an email and I will provide them for you if you cannot find them.

So that brings us to today’s Superbowl.

Every season I give the caveat that you do not have to wager on the game. I look at it as one game of many. Unless you are a fan, which I am, as a gambler you only make wagers if you feel you have an edge.

That is the purpose of handicapping, to try to determine if there is a positive EV wager on a game.

No two handicappers have the same methods. Some use an analysis of the player matchups, some use external variables, many use a combination of techniques.

One thing is certain in all of this. While handicappers may share their picks, the good handicappers will not share their methodology. This is something they have generated over many years of hard work.

I have been handicapping now for over 40 years:)  I can tell you when it comes to handicapping sports nothing is static. What worked 5 years ago most likely does not work well now. So you have to constantly evaluate your methods and adjust when needed. It is time-consuming and requires a substantial amount of knowledge of various handicapping methods. Including the ability to develop your own methods that few handicappers use.

Years ago I wrote a 2+2 article named ” A Technique to improve your handicapping results”.

You can find the article at https://www.rickjshandicappingpicks.com/about-2-2/

or you can go to Two Plus Two Magazine Vol 7, No. 12 and read it there.

But much of what I wrote years ago still has some significance today. I typically do not write articles, but a poker player who I became friends with worked for 2 +2 and asked me to write an article for them as he followed some of my handicapping.

Now, let’s start my analysis of today’s game:

Let me start out by saying as I always do every Superbowl, that you do not have to wager on this game. Most bettors feel some compulsion not only to wager on it but also to wager more than they typically do over the season. It is similar to poker players who play 8/16 Omaha 8 all year round trying to grind out a few 100 a day. But then the world series rolls around, and you see the same players in the 75/150 Omaha 8 game. It’s the same mindset. What they have done is essentially have their entire year depend on how they do in 4 to 5 weeks of 75/150  after spending the other 47 weeks playing 8/16.

Saying that let’s look at the game to see if I see something worth betting on here. The models lean toward TB. Of course, at +3.5 there would have been enough EV to wager on the game. At +3 your edge if you have one is so slight its not worth betting. Remember the lower the edge the higher the variance. The variables lean even less to TB than the models. The public % edge is absent. At 41% on a +3 game, there is no edge. And there is no line move edge as the line has stayed pretty steady on this game. I look at Cris for that number. Pinnacle’s line comes out after Cris. You want to use the book that puts out the line first for that.

As far as the Total I do not see any value at all in the total. No leans either way on that wager.

Myself, I will not be betting the game. At least as the numbers stand right now. If the line were to move to +3.5 I will take another look at the game.

Now I know some of you are going to ask why I did not take +3.5 when it was available. The way I handicap most sports is I look at a number of things that move around right up until game time. So I did not know what all the numbers were going to be weeks ago.

Good luck whatever you decide to do on this game.    Rick

This is what I sent out to subscribers to my service earlier.

As a subscriber, you get access to all of my handicapping picks, which covers the NFL, NCAAFB, NCAABB, NBA, NHL, and WNBA. In addition, you get access to my political odds picks along with where I think there is value in the political odds arena.

I also added another aspect to my handicapping service. As I am an active trader I share most of my trades with subscribers.

These trades include Mean reversion trades, swing trades, income trades and options trades. The option trades are restricted to selling puts and calls for income.

When sports betting was shut down completely I started doing some research on a short put selling technique where you would sell a put that expired after the close the next day. These trades are made on Thursday morning and either expire Friday after the close or you take delivery of the stock if it closes below the strike price. (which rarely happens)

Since I started sharing these with subscribers this is a graph of those trades:

As you can see there have been 265 trades with a 93.58% win rate and a profit factor of 4.57

A few things to note on these is that most have annualized returns of over 40% and the drawdown has been minimal.

We had a brief consolidation around trade 81 and pulled out of it around trade 110 and then had our only drawdown around trade 143 and recovered it all by trade 172. Other than that it has been virtually straight up.

It’s rare to find a trading method as consistent as this. Although, We are only looking at 265 trades. I suspect we will be over 500 trades by year-end and will have a better picture of whether these numbers are going to hold up.

Now These short puts are only those I sell on Thursday for Friday expiration. There are other short put sales I make where I would not mind owning the stock at the strike price. These typically are 1 month out short put trades.

Since posting these trades I have only made 8 closed trades with 7 winners and 1 loser for a profit factor of 11.85. I have at last count 4 or 5 of these trades pending right now for expiration Feb 19th. All are far away from the strike price.

In addition, they all produce annualized returns of over 40% if they expire.

The mean reversion trades I have posted have a 70.83% win rate with a profit factor of 6.34.

So far I have posted 24 of these types of trades.

Many of my subscribers have found this to be a very valuable addition to the service.

Here is the graph of the mean reversion trades:

All in all, I would put my service up against any other for value. While most charge 4 figures for one sport in a lump sum that is non-refundable. I charge only $49.00 a month which you are free not to renew at the end of each monthly period.

This price has been constant now for the last 10 years with no increases, despite the fact I keep adding value to the service.

If you wish to give it a try you can go to the drop-down menu and subscribe via the PayPal button and get a 3-day free trial, or you can subscribe via this link with no free trial.

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/Rickjsports/49

Once you sign up I will have you up and going within minutes:) Hope to see you join us for the rest of the NCAABB season including March Madness along with the NBA and NHL.

RickJ

rickjshandicappingpicks.com

Twitter: rickjsportplays

Slack: rickjsports