#I will 110% write the name essay

[larkspurglove]

There’s something so interesting about the Stonehearts taking on new names. The stripping of individualism and forcing them to conform under the gemstone, hierarchy based system of the IPC makes me want to write an essay but unfortunately we only have two stonehearts’ lore available to us, one of which seems pretty happy with the IPC’s conformity.

[weeping-vintage-toes]

Genuinely crying my eyes out over this free book I got because it is so similar to my life

[diorgirl444]

Hii Flo! How are you doing? I was wondering if i could maybe have a marauders/or slytherin boys fanon relationship matchup?

My name is Layla(pronounced leyla)and im 5'4

Appearance: my height is pretty average, hourglass figure sort of. Im quite pale and i have brown curly hair to a little lower then my collarbone. I have brown eyes, i have chubby cheeks which i love, my cheeka are usually slightly blushed necause i get cold alot. I wear mostly neutral colors such as black, grey, white and brown/beigh. I'm half swedish and half algerian. I have long eyelashes. I have a softer body type, such as a softer tummy snd all that, which again, i love

Hobbies: my biggest interested/hobby is definetly art. I absolutely love drawing and creating stuff. I usually draw stuff that ive seen irl or in my dreams because i have quite vivid dreams. I love music aswell, I've been singing my whole life and writing songs is something i love, the art is my main hobby though. I also like going for walks, i live in a small village so going out and sitting somewhere quiet whole drawing is amazing. I listen alot to arctic monkeys, david kushner, The Neighbourhood, the cramps, the Smiths, one direction. I gym alot, about 6 times a week.

Personality: i am an INTJ-T, i like being alone. I have a few close friend that i hang out with every now and then, i'ma decently closed off person, very few people know alot about me. I have anxiety and daddy issue(not trying to be quirky or sum shit i just have a shitty relationship w my dad) I'm usually very quiet. I'm a leo sun, scorpio rising and aquarous moon. It sounds weird but I'd consider myself quite a submissive person if that make sense? Im just natrually a quiter, nore submissive individual. I've never really been a person that does too well in school subjects such aas math, becahse logical subjects where theres only one answer, has never been my thing. I don't like admitting it but deep down im very self conscious, even though i kind of always seem like a confident person. I'm both introverted and extroverted, i can be very loud at times and i strugfkr with regulating the volume kf my voice because of my adhd. Id describe my humor as somewhat dark- my jokes are usually about myself and things that happend when i was younger which i find funny while others find concerninf- im quite sarcastic.

Things i like:

I love art, music, reading, writing, working out, fruit...fruit is my mains soruce of nutrition i love that shit so much i could write an essay on it man...i also love pasta, and chocolate. It makes me happy :')

I love rain, and my friend's and Going on walks, and going on walks in thr rain, and going on walks in the rain with my friends

Things i dislike:

Tomatos, math, ehen people think im stupid or unintelligent purely bc im bad at numbers-

Other informationsss:

My favorite colors are pink, beigh, grey and black. I've been told that im hard to approach? My love language is gift giving and physical touch. You cna almost always find me fidgeting eith the hen if my best friends shirtx or rubbing up and down her calf absentmindedlt while we sre talking(yes shes okay with this she koves it)i love getting hugged if its from someone im comfortble with, i love sitting in silence while drawing. I live analyzing different things, everything from art pieces to human behavior. I have an intrest for psychology, i'm studying law!

Oh and i speak swedish, English, german, romanian and french!

Andddd my aesthetic is so mixed- think like dark academis meets soft grunge mixed with coquette?

Soo, this is me, oh also im straight(but we support woman 110%)

So yea, thank you in advance!(if you domt have the time thats okay!)

hi thanks for waiting so long! i had to take a bit of a break with tumblr cause of gcses but i can’t wait to see what you think of your matchup <3

your perfect matchup is 𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 💌

𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 <3

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝟐 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 <3

okay so this took me an embarrassingly long time to decide between sirius and remus but ultimately sirius won out in the end because i am nothing if not an absolute sucker for a good opposites attract trope! 🎀

i think you two meet through mutual friends (remus and lily of course) at a weekend trip to hogsmede and just hit it off right away. it’s funny because you’ve heard so much about sirius, how he’s a relentless playboy, a troublemaker, a delinquent but to you he’s a perfect gentleman. which is confusing for everyone who witnesses it.

at first they all just think oh he’s immediately just decided that you’re only friend material because you’ve got so much in common but also different enough that that would work. so the two of you spend the whole day just hanging out and no one thinks much of it….

till sirius gets back to his dorm and tells remus ever so dramatically “i’m finished!” remus is obviously wtf???? and sirius rolls his eyes as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world and he’s all like “i’m finished with my hookups - i’m a changed man! there is one girl for me and i intend to be with her till the day i die” which is kinda like woah chill out! but also very cute :)

now i wouldn’t say you feel the same because you’re not insane but you are like “oh he was cute, hope i see more of him” kinda thing. anyways the point is you’re both into each other but of course don’t know that about one another because where’s the fun in that??? 😜

and sirius being sirius he doesn’t go about it in a normal way oh no he decides he’s gotta work out how to impress you first and you know what he’s gonna work that out as dog! such a sound plan!!! so whilst your sketching by the lake a large black dog potters over to you and lays at your feet. which obviously you think is adorable so you’re petting it and stroking it and just giving it sm attention (if only you knew it was sirius)

anyways it becomes like a habit for you and this dog. you go down to sketch and it joins you. you talk to it, sing, read and as you do all that sirius falls in love with you. meanwhile you to maintain a friendship as humans too but when sirius is in his animal form he sees a side to you in that time that no one else does. he falls so deeply and slowly like the way winter gently falls into spring. 🌷

he confesses in a similar way, you’re ranting to his dog form about how much you want sirius to ask you out. then suddenly you look up and there’s him boyishly grinning at you, dark hair flopping beautifully onto his forehead, he looks like a cursed prince of a forgotten land. when this happens your jaw literally drops and you’re throwing various explicates at him but he hushes you with five little words “may i please kiss you?” and forced into silence you nod cheeks burning.

he kisses you like you’re made of porcelain, a precious treasure which he cannot break, it’s prefect. when you two pull back to get your breath back you tell him teasingly “i still haven’t forgiven you for pretending to be a dog” and he says “will you forgive me if i ask if i can be your boyfriend?”you just laugh and kiss him again. sirius can’t remember a happier memory to that day. <3

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 <3

very easy and comfortable very quickly, the two of you adjust naturally into a routine that’s right for the two of you. a very quiet sort of intimacy that tends to surprise onlookers - it’s not at all what people expect of sirius but that’s okay because you two just get it so why worry about anyone else?

sirius is very physically affectionate like literally super glued to your side for the rest of your life now so like enjoy that i guess… 🤨 okay jk it’s very endearing but also its perfectly okay to need breaks so don’t forget to remind him that you need your own space sometimes. i mean he’ll huff and he’ll puff but he’ll get it.

okay but do you know what his favourite thing in the world is? it’s when you play with his hair. picture this it’s a warm rainy summer evening he’s laying along the sofa in the common room, his mess of dark curls in your lap, your fingers toy and fiddle with them, absentmindedly humming along to the smiths vinyl which crackles in the background. it’s pure paradise for the both of you just cosy and warm and soft. god i’m so jealous of the two of you!

he’s always treating you to things! as heir to the black family fortune he’s got an insane amount of cash to splash and he’d much rather spend it on someone he actually cares about so he’s always buying you stuff. a top he thinks you’d look good in, a fancy hardback of your favourite book, or simply your favourite chocolate bar. doesn’t matter if it’s big or small, cheap or expensive, so long as you like it that’s all he cares about.

he thinks your sketches are the most beautiful things he’s ever seen. unfortunately i can’t promise that it’ll be easy for them to become more than sketches because god forbid your attention leaves him for half second. like you’ll be in the library sketching with him sat next to you and then suddenly your cheeks are being smothered with kisses and a hands trailing its way round your chair turning you to face him. what can he say he missed you? good thing he’s cute bcs he’s such a little shit you love that about him tho

it’s very, very rare that the two of you fight but he always apologises first! don’t get me wrong he sulks for a bit first because like he’s sirius black but then he catches your red rimmed eyes and all is forgiven. because he made you cry? yeah he sucks - he’s sorry pretty girl he’ll never to it again and he gives you full permission to kill him if he does.

also his friends love you! you’re exactly what sirius needs to balance him out. honestly they don’t know how you handle him but they’re not complaining! like please keep him for as long as you want him they’re all sick to death of him!

he proposes to you on the last day of school with his family signet ring. he knows he sounds crazy but he’s loved you from the minute he met you. he’ll give you a proper ring soon but for now he gives you his family ring because you’re his family now. you’re all the family he could ever want. his whole world <3

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 <3

hope you like it! xoxo, flo <3

[phoenixrisesoncemore]

Why Do We Know Sauron's Original Name in Quenya if Sauron Was Never In Valinor: Speculations on my Favorite Baddie, Part 3

Finishing up that meta I've been working on for, like, 7 years (RIP me) about Sauron and his original name and the mindf#@& that gave me. Planning to post that on Sun [now posted and can be found here]. But this bit is just too long to fit in it.

In Helge Fauskanger's "A Name for the Dark Lord" (where I first read about "Mairon" in 2015) he points out that Sauron's original name existing in Quenya is pretty odd. The version of Sauron Tolkien was writing about at that time had defected to Melkor's service before the language "Quenya" even existed, so why would his original name be recorded in it?

Now, there's the (I think, likely) Primary World reason for that: Tolkien is writing this down as a part of his work on the "words and phrases" lists he began compiling after the publication of The Lord of the Rings. These words and phrases are primarily about ironing out the linguistic features of words and names that appear in that story. Valarin—the language Sauron's original name was most likely only ever known in while he was still associated with it by anyone but himself—is a language Tolkien did relatively little work on, and it does not appear in The Lord of the Rings. "Sauron," however, does (well… I'll talk about that more in the main post), and the name "Sauron" is Quenya. Considering the kind of character work that flowed naturally from names in Tolkien's work on the Legendarium, it makes sense that it would be important to Tolkien to have an understanding of what this character's original name was, even when translated into another language it might never have been translated into within the confines of the Secondary World.

But Tolkien—through his devilish little framing device in which all this information is, in fact, information not flowing directly from his imagination but is, instead, merely being reported by him, the translator of some ancient documents—has given us a kind of carte blanche to challenge his "translation," amend and append to it, no matter what The Estate might think of that. Maybe I have access to those ancient documents, too ;-).

So in the interest of promoting the "Infinite Variety of Being" that I think Ea's metaphysics desires (if not requires), I'm going to throw a headcanon out there.

There's a related puzzle regarding the name "Mairon," and that's where I'll start: the name "Mairon" and the word "Maiar" are very similar. I'm going to go into more detail on that in the full post but for now just consider this: just prior to Tolkien coining the word "maiar" and the name "Mairon" the "lesser kin of the Valar" are called the "Vanimor" and the "Valariindi." The Valarindi are understood to be the actual children of the Valar (Eonwe and Ilmare were two of these) and the Vanimor are what we would come to know as the Maiar: lesser Ainur who (mostly) attached themselves to greater Ainur once they enter Ea and start their demiurgic work. Sometime in the late 1950’s (at the same time Tolkien is writing down the name "Mairon"), he decides that 1. the Valar do not have children, meaning that all Valarindi are now Vanimor and 2. the name for the Vanimor is now "Maiar." Christopher explains this change in Morgoth's Ring:

“AV 2 had here (V.110) 'these are the Vanimor, the Beautiful', changed in the later rewriting (see note 3) to 'these are the Mairi…', and then to 'these are the Maiar…' This was probably where the word Maiar first arose.” --HoMe X: Morgoth’s Ring, Part Two: “The Annals of Aman.”

So, around the time Tolkien decides Sauron's original name was "Mairon" he also decides to rename the lesser kin of the Valar to… basically the same thing as Sauron's original name. And that's… interesting. And it got me thinking about both of these puzzle pieces and how they might fit together.

In his essay Fuskanger speculates that Sauron's original name in Valarin was translated into Quenya after the Elves arrived there.

"According to Tolkien’s late ideas, as reflected in the essay Quendi and Eldar [...] [i]t is said that the Valar encouraged the Elves, not to borrow words from Valarin, but rather to “translate the meanings of names into fair Eldarin [= Elvish] forms” (WJ:405). So when Mairon is said to be Sauron’s “original” name, maybe we must take this to mean that he had some unstated Valarin name that meant The Admirable, and that this was later translated into Quenya as Mairon when the Elves learnt about this person from the Valar (at which time he was not so admirable anymore)." --"A Name for the Dark Lord"

Here's my headcanon addition.

The being who was called the Valarin equivalent of The Admirable was excellent at what he did. Top of his class material. Admired (and sometimes envied) by all the other lesser spirits who were to serve The Powers in their demiurgic activities. Unlike those Valaraukar that would come to be known as Balrogs, the being who would come to be known as Sauron had repudiated Melkor in the Timeless Halls, winning him even more admiration from among The Powers, those who would be the great movers and shakers in Ea.

In Ea his work was perfect… or as close to perfect as you can get in Arda Marred—which was not nearly close enough, at least for him. And that was the crack that Melkor exploited.

Not because Melkor knew he needed the kind of devotion and help that came from having The Admirable in his service. No, he was too arrogant for that. But because what a prize it would be for Melkor to turn not just any of these lesser Ainur to his service, to make them serve and worship him, but to turn the best and the brightest. What an insult that would be to Aule, who he especially hated. What a valuable asset it would be to gain one of the chief architects of the Two Lamps who worked immediately under Aule during their construction. Who would know better how to topple them? Who would make a better spy?

Melkor was cunning. And still at this time patient. And he was observant, far more observant than most when it came to spotting the seeds of dissatisfaction with The World that were sown in other creatures as time passed. He would teach The Admirable one day—when The Admirable was far less admirable—how to spot them, too. But for now he watched and learned what he could to use in his mission to corrupt the best servant his enemies had.

And what did he see? He saw that there was always this friction, this entropy, this failure, and he saw that it didn't occur to The Admirable yet that some of that was not because Arda was Marred, but because Arda was populated with other beings who had different ideas about what perfection meant.

He saw the realization of the crush of time creeping into The Admirable’s eyes, gold like the metal from stars that he sowed in the veins of the rocks to stitch them back together. Time: the thing that none of them knew, not really, before they made the irrevocable choice to enter into that Story they had given shape to. He saw the crushing weight of the length of prehistory do its work.

He saw the mounting frustration with the broken bits of the world they couldn’t save from Melkor or his retinue. He saw the sense of powerlessness—after all, even Aule and Varda and Manwe couldn’t undo the damage Melkor had done. The pottery was broken. You can Kintsugi it back together, but it’s never the same. You have to learn to love the gold as a part of the work even more than you loved the work before.

And so Melkor made his move. If The World, itself, bends to his will, bends to the flaw in its design that Melkor had introduced into it, then any attempts to guide The World without his blessing was folly. The only way forward, he tells The Admirable—was to give in and accept it.

But The Admirable was hard to sway. He was proud and stubborn. And Melkor knew this, too. So he watched especially hard as he “abandoned” his quest to sway The Admirable, and went after Osse instead. He watched especially hard when Ulmo asked Aule for help coaxing Osse back. He watched as The Admirable’s questions to Aule, about the good and the bad and the marred and the healed, never earned the same attention. He watched as the doubt grew and he watched as The Admirable ran from it.

He watched as it became Despair.

And that’s when he got what he wanted. And that’s why, eons of time later, The No-Longer-Admirable will know how to bring Denethor down.

When The Lamps and The Admirable are gone and The World lays in ruin once again, the Powers (like angles in the Last Days piecing together the bodies of the faithful) gather the molecules of the land that do not contain the corruption of Melkor—so much stronger than they believed—and use them to build a new home, The Undying Lands, where even entropy can not enter. They assess what they have lost and what it means. And when they go to find the awakened Elves and learn their frightened tales of the Entity that comes to torment them and steal their kind away, and the other Entity, the one that helps him do it, the one who devises their torment, they realize what The Admirable has become.

They strike his name from the rolls. He is Admirable no longer. But that name, the name for the person he was, they give it away again, they give it to all the spirits of his order, to those faithful spirits who served them well. When it is that The No-Longer-Admirable finds this out, I can’t say, but I sometimes imagine that revelation comes much later, when he presents himself to Eonwe, who finds some small delight in telling him the name he has continued to call himself for all these ages is no longer his, that it now belongs to all of them who continue to do what he would not.

Long before this, when the Eldar arrive in Valinor they learn the name for these lesser spirits, so much closer in stature and knowledge to themselves than the Powers are. And when they ask where it came from there is a hush and then a very sad story, a precautionary tale, shared among these spirits and the Powers they serve. “Maiar” is how they translate the name for these spirits for they are Admirable, Excellent, Precious, Sublime. And “Mairon” is how they translate the name of the one who is now nameless, the name he had before he lost his right to it.

Later, when Melkor swans his way through Valinor in the Years of the Trees, a “humble penitent” newly released from his ages of captivity, whispering his little lies in the Noldor’s ears, the rest of the Eldar turn to each other in warning: “Heed him not. Remember what happened to Mairon.”

[what-if-nct]

hiiii today's reminder is i absolutely do read your paragraphs like it's the morning paper,i love knowing what's going on with you and what you're thinking about. also i know these conversations are technically public but i definitely say a lot more than i would normally because it feels so comfortable. love you 💓

Hiii! I love you too!!! And yes it feels like a public private conversation. Like it's just us in a cafe together like there's people who walk by but like we're just talking. I consider all asks kind of like a huge slumber party and were just chatting and everything is pink and mean girls and Taylor Swift are playing in the background and it's chaotic but fun. But speaking of sleepover talk so the guy I'm talking to one well talk on the phone for like 2 -3 hours so often that last time that happened was in the summer and we were going to wait till later that week but he came and picked me up at 2am and we watched puss in boots and "cuddled" I remember him fondly actually. Like right in the middle of "cuddling" he called me cute. Which that is so adorable like that isn't the activity id think being cute would be possible. So that was the last time that happened. But with the current guy it's just the best vibe and fun and we laughed about raccoons for so long.

And okay I overshare obviously so in passing I brought up a few things that happened to me cause I told him earlier that day some guy was trying to hit on me and I just froze and didn't speak I was scared cause he was a lot older than me and he said is wrong for me to be talking to you which told me he probably thought i was way younger than i am. Cause I swear when I present younger it's always old men who be weird and creepy to me which is gross within itself. But I brought that up to him and told other instances that happened in the grocery store and i said im just probably being dramatic and he told me I wasn't being dramatic and only one other person has told me that she was actually the one who told what happened was really bad and she told me a few other things that happened to me were sa. But when I talk about it with therapists or other friends they're either dismissive, blame me, tell me to stop wearing short skirts, tell me I shouldn't have put myself in that situation and I just was never really allowed to process it so I feel like it's still unhealed and I still have a lot of anxiety about being alone in public unless it's somewhere that's mainly women. But hearing someone say I wasn't being dramatic I don't know it meant more than it probably should.

Oh also he said he was surprised I was so tall, so many people say that. So many people expect me to be shorter and I have no idea why. Also I'm not that tall I'm 5'8 so is my best friend and sister. But most importantly he has kept everything 110% innocent and sweet and I've never experienced a guy not immediately being interested in that. I started to feel like that was my only purpose but I think he actually likes me as a person, and my eyes started to water just as I said that. Okay I will stop here before I write a whole essay again. Oh I think I can show you what he looks like without actually posting a picture and I started watching this YouTuber just before I met the guy I'm talking about which is so weird that I just realized they look a lot alike like so much alike I had to bounce back and forth between their pictures.

The only difference is the guy I'm talking to, his face is a little softer. But the resemblance is uncanny even the hair and he dresses exactly like him. Also the YouTubers name is Seth Borden he's related to Lizzie Borden and he's a paranormal investigator.

[some-pers0n]

Two things.

Number one, I'm here from your science party fic and oh my GOD? I adore how you wrote all of the mercs, especially Medic! He's a wonderful balance of silly, scary, and just...Generally unhinged. Wonderful. Amazing. Mwah. Thank you sm for feeding my science party brain.

Number two. I saw your ship post about them and the option to ask abt others. Taking you up on that,,,, what're the other tf2 ships you enjoy? Infodumping can get draining so dont sweat it if you dont want yk: I'm just curious!

!! Thank you so much!! I love writing all of the mercs so much,, and with Medic I put 110% of my effort and energy into  making him the manic and eccentric maniac that I know and love. What a little goofball. Same with the others. They're all so much fun to write with their wacky personalities and such. I'm glad I was able to give something to the other Science Party fans and make more propaganda for the ship. <3

Now for the ships. I've got a lot of neutral opinion, but I'll just ramble about some that I like quite a bit in particular, namely Red Oktoberfest, Sniper/Spy, Speeding Bullet, Napoleon Complex, Boots N' Bombs, etc. They're not going to be nearly as in-depth as with my Science Party ramble, but I just like em'.

Now, onto the others. I really like Red Oktoberfest. It's like Science Party, though I wouldn't say Heavy is nearly as unhinged as Engie. It's sweet and nice, but I prefer Science Party over it just because I prefer Medic and Engie's dynamic. Still really nice. I also love reading that one 13k word essay on Ao3 that goes into detail on all of the content on it every now and then.

Speeding Bullet is another one I like. I like the two of them just being together and goofing around. They truly are the ADHD vs Autism ship. I do like Sniper's more collected attitude and Scout's rambunctious behavior and the two of them butting heads. The ship also reminds me of how Sniper is only four years older than Scout, which is wild to me. I always think of him in his late thirties as opposed to being like...26 when he first meets the team.

In a similar vein, I like Sniper/Spy. I can see the two of them bickering with each other because of the other's lifestyle (Sniper throws jars at people and lives in a van while Spy is French), but overall having some sort of respect for each other because of their professionalism. They do care about each other, even if they don't like saying it.

Boots N' Bombs is a classic. I love how Valve just created an entire update and so much content for these two. They work really quite well together. It's amazing how well their personalities compliment each other and there's plenty of room for both humor and angst. They're really just neat.

Napoleon Complex is just neat. I like it. I find their personalities clash, but really match on another. Engie's laid-back and hardworking salt-of-the-earth nature and Spy's more up-tight and professional vibe is just nice.

Again, most of these I see as being platonic. I do like considering and watching others portray them as romantic, but I overall see them all as close friends. I've got a lot of writing ideas on all of those ships though.

Pyro I don't really ship with anybody mostly because I see them as That Guy. Not exactly a little sibling or somebody who can't feel love or show emotion, but I can't really...see them as ever being involved with anybody romantically. I am an unlabeled any-pronouns single Pyro fan. They just wanna be friends and have a tea party with the whole team.

But, now I suppose is the time where I let the two ships that've spawned from the depths of my psyche out onto the world. I should mention that I'm a delusional fanfic writer, meaning I that when I see a character, my first thought would be how they would react to another character. This is how you get rarepairs, folks.

With that being said, I like Merasmus & Medic and Pauling/Bronislava.

I'm not going to elaborate further.

[thefanficmonster]

Corpse’s Girl

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Bullying, Swearing, Derogatory Terms

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: Y/N’s life as a regular college student is forever stripped away from her when her relationship with the famous YouTuber Corpse Husband is accidentally revealed during an online class of hers. How will she cope with the sudden spotlight and the unwanted attention, some of which crosses into bullying?

Requested by my amazing Tumblr friend @itsminniekat 🥰 She’s been reading and liking my works since day one and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful. If you’re reading this, all I can say is thank you, darling. Thank you so much for sticking by my blog even when I posted some crappy fics. I’ll make sure this ain’t one of them. Love you with all my heart. ❤❤❤

P.S. - I named the mean character with my name so I hope no one who reads this has the same name. Wouldn’t want any of you feeling like the villain 😘

Who knew online class would be even more boring than being physically present for a lecture? Seriously, I find myself doing the weirdest of crap to entertain myself - like trying to balance a pen on the tip of my nose for example. I jot down some notes every now and then but that’s basically it. My mind can not fathom the concept on concentrating on whatever my professors are going on and on about. Well, full disclosure, I couldn’t concentrate even if I wanted to, especially with my boyfriend streaming in the other room.

He’s currently playing Among Us with his usual gaming squad. Listening to his input during the discussions, I can always tell when he’s lying. I honestly find it hilarious that his friends can’t pick up when he’s bullshitting them. I sometimes wonder if he has brainwashed them. And that’s one of the main reasons we don’t play Among Us together - he can’t lie to me. Not only do I pick up on his con with ease, but he always says he feels bad when he lies to me which is just the sweetest thing. Also, I refuse to play cause I’m shy. His friends are all well-known content creators and I’m a literal nobody. Every now and then I find myself wondering why Corpse is even with me. He’s always quick to push those thoughts out of my head and make sure they don’t return on a long notice, but they do interrupt my peace from time to time.

“Y/N, do you know?“ The sound of my professor saying my name takes me out of my eavesdropping of Corpse’s stream.

I panic, but quickly improvise, “Sorry, my internet is slow, you cut out for a second. What was the question?” I feel my face heating up, making me glad we are allowed to keep our cameras off.

“Question number 15 on page 82 in your textbook. Do you know the answer to it?“ My professor repeats himself, his tone annoyed.

I look down at the page that’s already opened in front of me. I let out a sigh of relief, seeing that the question is rather easy.

“Yeah, um, it’s...“ Suddenly, Corpse’s laugh reaches my room loud and clear. There’s no doubt my mic picked up the noise, especially since the door to my room is open.

The color drains from my face as I hurry to say the answer and remute myself. My eyes are wide as I stare at my screen, hoping no one will acknowledge that very recognizable laugh.

“OMG Y/N, are you watching a Corpse Husband stream in class?” One of the bitches in my class, Vy, speaks up, “Not a very goody-two-shoe move on your part, dear.” 

I purposely unmute my mic to mumble a quick ‘Shut up, bitch’ that somehow manages to fly under my professor’s radar and the class continues. It’s the first time something like this has happened and I’m not sure if I handled it properly or not.

The class ends shortly after, allowing me a sigh of relief as I disconnect from the meeting. 

“Fucking finally.“ I mumble to myself, leaning back in my desk chair. Tilting my head backwards, I see Corpse standing in the doorframe. I grin, not only because his presence itself makes me ten times happier, but also because he’s upside down from my viewpoint. “Well, hello there! How long have you been spying on me?“

He struts over to me, leaning his face over mine, “Long enough.” His lips linger above mine without any actual contact before he pulls away, allowing me to sit up straight and proper in the chair. “You still have classes?”

I nod my head while disappointedly rolling my eyes, “Yeah. One more. Shouldn’t be too bad since it’s English Lit. You’re done streaming?”

“Yeah, I just have some other things to do. I haven’t done a narration video in a while, I miss making that type of content.“ He plops down on my bed, running a hand through his messy black curls.

“Weren’t you recording some lines a few days ago?“ I frown as I try to recall if what I’m referring to actually happened or my brain is too fried to decipher reality from my bootleg perception of it. Online class, man - messes with your head like sleeping pills - makes you disoriented and exhausted with barely doing anything other than trying to wrap your brain around a lecture or two.

He hums affirmatively, “It’s not a finished project and I don’t even know if I’ll use those or rerecord them. I’ll have to listen to them again before I make a final decision.“

I tilt his chin upwards with my pointer finger, a gesture he has told me he finds very endearing, “I’m sure they’re great and you just refuse to be satisfied. Everything you do is great.“

He smiles a small, shy smile, his fingers gently wrapping around my wrist, holding my hand in place, “You’re biased. You like me too much to tell me when I do some bullshit.”

I scoff, “You know that isn’t true. If someone’s gonna kick your butt in formation, it’s gonna be me.“ I give him a quick kiss on the forehead before pulling away from him, “Go on, now. I have a class to attend. You distract me enough while you’re in the other room, I can only imagine how hard it’d be for me to focus if you were right by my side.“

He smirks, bowing a little as he makes his way out of the room, “You flatter me.”

I playfully roll my eyes, getting my headset back on as I tap the last class for the day. We have an assignment due to the start of the class which we’ll have to present if the professor approved of it. We basically had to write a psychoanalysis of a character from any book of our choice. I chose Heathcliff from ‘Wuthering Heights’ which is one of my favorite books of all time. I’m proud of what I wrote and the way I wrote it, but I’ve always barely scraped by with a B in this class, a B+ if I’m lucky, so I’ve never gotten any major credit, even when I put my 110% in the assignments and projects.

Well, color me surprised when the professor calls on me first to read my work, complimenting it on its detailed and specific nature. I get my printed assignment out in front of me and unmute myself.

“I wrote a psychoanalysis on for Heathcliff, a character from Emily Bronte’s novel ‘Wuthering Heights’.“ Just after I say this line, Corpse’s voice booms throughout the whole apartment, no doubt being picked up by my mic. It doesn’t sound like he’s actually talking, he can’t be that loud. I put two and two together when I recognize the lines he’s saying - the ones he recorded a few days ago. They’re coming from his computer speakers. He probably didn’t check the volume before playing back the recording.

I mute myself as quickly as possible, but it’s too late. The voice dies down as Corpse probably turned down the speakers.

My professor, who is already done with this lecture, just annoyedly remarks, her words overdosed with sarcasm: “Read your assignment and you can go back to whatever it is you are watching.”

“Wow, Y/N! Again?! Are you one of those crazy obsessed fans or something? Is Corpse Husband all you watch?“ This bitch is really poking a stick at me, huh? The only crazy obsessed fan here is her, and my friends but they are allowed. Little do all of them know, I am obsessed but not simply over a YouTuber. I’m obsessed with my boyfriend who just happens to be a YouTuber.

“No commentary, please.“ The professor scolds her, “Go on, Y/N.“

I finish reading without any other disturbances. The professor compliments my essay again when I’m done, the small incident at the beginning forgotten already. Well, not by everyone. One of my friends shot me a quick text to joke about it which only earned an eye roll from me.

My friends don’t know that I’m dating Corpse either. As I said, they are simping HARD over him while I act the most indifferent on the subject. Whenever they ask my opinion on him I either say ‘he’s OK’ or just avoid answering completely. I know saying anything more enthusiastic than that would turn into a snowball rolling down a snowy hill - I’d just keep babbling about how nice, amazing, wonderful and a gift to this world Corpse is, inevitably revealing our relationship in the process.

I’m afraid of revealing my relationship with Corpse in front of these people. They are all run on jealousy and selfishness and I can only imagine how mean they’d be about it. I’m already not too fond of them, it would only be worse if any of my personal life was exposed.

When the class finally ends I remove my headset, putting my forehead down on the desk, barely missing the keyboard. I groan in frustration and anger at myself for not fighting back. I could’ve and should’ve said something - ANYTHING. But what? That’s a question I can’t find the answer to.

“Hey...“ Corpse’s hesitant voice comes from behind me, “You ok?“

I straighten my posture, turning to him with a smile. “Yeah, but these people suck.”

I get up from my chair as he approaches me, basically falling in his arms. The comfort I feel radiating off of him makes me relax, forget the past hour or so. He has always had this effect on me. Like my own personal kryptonite to my anger and anxiety.

“Did I get you in any trouble because of that?“ His voice shows clear concern and guilt. 

I wrap my arms around him tighter, burying my head in his chest. “No, don’t worry about it.“ 

And I really wasn’t in trouble. Not until now that the video is officially posted....

I can call these people dumb all I want but they sure put two and two together awfully fast. They recognized the lines they heard during class as the same ones from his new video that came out almost a week after the incident, aka two days ago. It’s safe to say I haven’t touched my phone or computer since.

“This is all my fault.“

Of all the horrible things I suspected would happen this has to be the worst - Corpse is blaming himself for it. I am prepared to take all the shit these people have to throw at me but seeing Corpse beating himself up over this is killing me. No amount of convincing can change his mind. Nothing I say helps.

“Please, stop doing this to yourself. Non of this is your fault, Corpse.“ I’ve repeated this sentence more than a thousand time these past forty eight hours, each time saying it more and more desperately.

“All of it is my fault, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I hate myself so much.“ Has been his reply single time.

 I can’t watch him be so mean to himself. It’s the most conflicting thing when the person you love most is torturing themselves. It’s easy if it’s someone else doing it, you just kick their ass. But what are you supposed to do when the person you want to protect is the same one you need to protect them from.

Corpse has shut himself away in his recording room these past few hours and though he clearly needs to be alone, he still left the door open just a crack cause he knows I’ll be worried sick otherwise.

While I’m alone in the living room, I’ve finally managed to brace myself and build enough courage to power up my laptop. Last time it was on it was going mad with notifications.

“It’s digital. Only digital. It can’t hurt you too badly if it can’t touch you, right?“ I mumble to myself, already frustrated despite not having yet seen all the horrors that await me.

And horrors there were. Everywhere. Twitter. Instagram. Facebook.

My grades. Some pictures of me no one has ever seen. My school files. People from my class tweeting Corpse to ‘expose’ me for the ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ I really am. Corpse hasn’t touched social media either and I plan on making sure it stays that way. God only knows how much worse he’ll get if he sees these claims.

And then, like a notification sent straight from hell, an email from my professor.

Practical lectures on Friday. Be here at 9 AM. Don’t forget your mask and gloves.

Good thing I opened my laptop when I did. Friday is tomorrow and I need to prepare for this day. Not only do I need to hit the books but I need to toughen up a bit. I can’t go there looking like I feel - like a mess.

Alright, time to put the brave face on. No more wallowing in it, at least not until tomorrow afternoon.

I make a study plan and hop in the shower. I feel the need to apologize to my hair for washing it so roughly, basically yanking at my strands from frustration that has been suppressed for too long.

I get our of the boiling hot shower, red as a lobster, and change into some clean comfortable clothes and put my ass in study mode. I remove all the scary expectations of the morning to come from my mind and let the information the textbooks has to offer seep into my brain.

                                                            *  *  *

I’m about to head out and, despite my put-together composure, I am a wreck inside. I actually put effort into my appearance, I mean - I even styled my hair. A pretty façade to hide a ruin.

I saw my friends’ texts last night, all three of them ending their friendship with me because they felt betrayed. I haven’t yet decided how to feel about that. Doesn’t matter at the moment, there are more important matters at hand, aka surviving the next three hours.

My college is within ten minutes walking distance from our apartment. That ten minute walk has never been so stressful, not even during exam season. The air feels a little harder to breathe, the path a little shorter to walk. And my moment of reckoning a little too close.

I feel eyes on me the second I start walking through the park of our campus. Sure, I could just be paranoid, but the feeling is too real to be just my imagination in overdrive. I’m glad I have my hair down and a mask on so the redness of my cheeks and neck isn’t on display. That’s a sign of weakness right now.

We have two an hour and a half long classes between which we have a snack break that’s half an hour. I usually enjoy that period but I’m dreading it now. These assholes can only be so mean in the presence of a professor, but during lunch break they can increase that tenfold. 

“Well if it isn’t Corpse’s girl.“ I hear that a lot. The whispers are not so much whispers as intentionally loud enough for me to hear remarks. I’m not bothered by them, it’s the least they can do. If I let such a simple thing get to me, I’d be crumbling by the end of first period.

I hear some shuffling behind me and out of the corner of my eye I see, yeah you guessed it, THAT bitch. She’s standing as close to me as she can without violating Covid regulations. A mask is covering her face but the menacing look in her eyes tells me all I need to know about the interaction that’s about to go down.

“I’d ask how much he pays you for the hour.....“ her long nails tap the wooden desk, “but that’d be rude. I bet it’s tough being a maid. Do you just clean or are you a multipurpose lap dog? No offense, I’m genuinely curious.“

“Vy, would you be so kind as to give Y/N some room to breathe?“ The professor asks as he nonchalantly walks in.

Vy rolls her eyes, batting her eyelashes at me, “Talk to you later, sweetheart.” With a fake friendly wave she’s out of my hair, at least for now.

Remember what I said about these people not being as dumb as I pegged them to be? Yeah, scratch that. These fuckers actually tried getting away with taking pictures of me with flash in broad daylight. Like, HELLO! I have two functioning eyes and a brain, I’m onto you. Sadly, me having figured out their childish but hurtful methods of humiliating me doesn’t change much. They still posted the pics they took, using the most derogatory terms they could find in the English language, always making sure to tag Corpse and me both.

Needless to say, these were the longest three hours of my life.

                                                              *  *  *

Shutting the door to our apartment behind me causes relief of the highest levels. I feel like I’ve locked out all the bad shit I have had to deal with these past twenty four hours. 

I’m tired. I’m fucking exhausted. I feel like a discarded piece of paper. 

And it all starts crumbling. A wall is bound to start slowly falling apart after being hit over and over again, each time feeling the blows with a stronger intensity. 

I slide down the door sitting down on the floor and slowly taking my shoes off. I put my bag beside me and wrap my arms around my knees, hiding my head in the space between them and my chest.

One tear slides down my cheek.

Another follows.

And another, this time accompanied by a choked sob.

A pair of arms wraps around the ball that my body has been shaped into. One of his hands comes up to stroke my hair gently, feeding me the comfort I have been longing for since I left the apartment this morning.

“I saw it. All of it. All the shit they talk about you. All the names they call you. And I’ve never wanted to beat so many people up simultaneously.“ His words make me raise my head from its low position, giving him a knowing look. “I wish I could. I would, but that would land me in jail. Which doesn’t even sound so bad cause I don’t like going out. Only problem is you wouldn’t be with me. I wouldn’t want you to be there with me, don’t get me wrong, I’d never want you to end up in jail. I-...” I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. A quick kiss that says so much but mainly shows the immeasurable gratitude for his support.

Seeing those awful tweets and comments had the complete opposite effect on him. He no longer blames himself but the people who actually deserve the blame - all those jerks from my college.

I pull away, giving him a small smile. “I would never let you go to jail.” 

He smiles back at me, overjoyed that my mood is slowly being lifted, “Come on, I have a nice crowd that would like to meet you.”

I know exactly what he means. Felix, Sean, Rae, Dave, Sykkuno and the rest of his friends. The people I’ve been so shy and afraid to meet since day one. Being shy doesn’t really make sense now, seeing as how they know I exist and that I’m a part of Corpse’s life. 

What do I have to lose?

“Guys, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.“ Corpse’s black avatar runs around my cyan one in the Among Us lobby.

I can’t help but giggle when I unmute my mic, “Hi everyone! It’s so nice to finally meet you.“ They each introduce themselves, expressing how happy they are to be meeting me too.

It’s the first time in what feels like a while that I’m truly having fun. These people are wonderful, each so unique and lovely. They never brought up the scandal nor acted as though they knew about it. I know they did and I am beyond grateful that they never mentioned it or treated me any differently because of it. Also, Corpse was streaming the whole time. I had my phone on his stream, my eyes nervously scanning the chat every now and then. I couldn’t believe it. Corpse’s real fans were just as wonderful as his friends - they were nothing but supportive and happy to have met me.

Now, I can either choose to believe these people were being so nice to me out of sympathy or I can believe they really like me and appreciate me for who I am and not for what happened to me. 

I choose to believe the latter.

And while I’m still getting accustomed to this whole new spotlight, I know I’ll be able to handle it as long as I’m holding Corpse’s hand in the process. All I need is to have him beside me and I’m prepared to tackle anything.

“They love you.“ Corpse tells me once the stream is done and we’ve hopped out of the Discord call, “But I love you more.“

His arms wrap around my waist while mine instinctively find their way around his neck, “I love them, too. But they’re at the number 2 spot.”

He smirks at me, “I wonder who’s at number 1.”

I push up on my toes, putting my lips an inch away from his, “Hmm, I wonder...”

He doesn’t let me finish, silencing my teasing with a sweet, loving kiss.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat

[the-portrait-of-seraph]

This Month’s Review...

We read twelve books this month, apart from the four I’ve uploaded. I was supposed to work on this post yesterday and post today, but my neck was bothering me (and still is wtf) and so I’m doing this today.

Week One:

The Mother [Gorky, Maxim]: 8.5/10

Great book, I like Gorky’s style and I understand the point we wanted to convey. Based on true events, the story follows Pavel and his mother (the true protagonist) and Gorky shows the spirit of the proletarian movement through his characters/writing. 

It’s actually my second time reading it, so some things feel different to me than the first time, like Pavel’s transition from a drunk like his father to a man dedicated to the emancipation of the proletariats. It’s a liberating feeling to see it over and over, alongside the growth of the Mother, from a cautious, politically unaware factory worker to a mother who wishes to support her son and take part in the revolution? Pardon my language, but that is hot girl shit right there.

Gorky is credited with the creation of the sub-style(?) of Soviet Realism, the artistic movement most prominent at the time of Stalin, which I still have a lot to learn about and I felt like that’s why I had a hard time “sticking” to this book?

I only read this book because my father adores Russian literature, especially Gorky and Pushkin. This is one of his favorite books and I felt like I ended up reading it for validation-

Nevertheless, an amazing book! I will be re-reading this in the future and maybe I’ll do an analysis on it. 

The Portable Edgar Allan Poe [ Poe, Edgar A.]: 10/10

First thing’s first, I will love Poe until my last dying breath. He has (almost) everything I look for in an author, His prose, imagery, and macabre flair??? Absolutely gorgeous.

As a collection of 110 short stories, essays, observations, and letters, you get a solid 360º of Poe’s life and work. I actually finished this in one day, I was on a 4-5 hour car ride and this was the only book that was keeping me from going insane.

He is one of the greatest writers in the U.S and internationally (imo), influencing authors like Fyodor Dostoevsky, H.P. Lovecraft, and Edogawa Ranpo (who’s name is actually based on the Japanese pronunciation of E.A. Poe). In Japan, Poe’s and Dostoevsky’s works were the first foreign works translated and brought there.

Poe has lived an interesting life (and death), which impacted his writing and many themes. My personal favorite works in this collection are “Berenice”, “Ligeia”, “The Philosophy of Composition”, and “Art and the Soul”!

My money was well spent on this book, I’ll definitely come back to read it time to time. I’ll put my Poe post link here!

Invisible Man [Ellison, Ralph]: 9.5/10

Absolutely powerful and insanely complex, Ellison writes about one Black man’s struggles from expulsion to racial riots, he creates a work of art that generations on top of generations will relate to.

This is my first work of Ellison’s, and I am in LOVE. I admire him and his descriptive language, he makes reading worth-while. I’m definitely going to try and read more Black literature in February because it’s going to be Black History Month!

After finishing this book, I was hit with deja vu, like I had read something similar before. It was Dostoevsky’s “Notes from Underground”. After doing some research, I had found out that Ellison was directly influenced by Dostoevsky’s Underground Man and the structure of his work was similar to that of “Notes from Underground”!

This book holds a special place in my heart as a WOC and third-culture kid, even though I’m not Black.

I would give a bit of a warning to those who are sensitive to/ triggered by violence, discrimination, usage of racial slurs, death, etc, but that’s what the story is suppose to show, making it a flavorful read.

I would like to recommend this book to everyone, it’s amazing! The idea of a man who is not physically invisible, but socially invisible because people choose not to see him is such a mind-boggling concept. The beginning and epilogue are single-handedly the best things since sliced bread???

I actually bought this book at the destination of the 4-5 hour road trip after one look at the blurb, and I don’t regret bringing more books on the trip because this one kept me occupied!

Week Two:

The Collected Tales of Nikolai Gogol [Gogol, Nikolai]: 10/10

We need to talk about Gogol, seriously.

This man was a true literary genius? He is one of Russia’s most praised authors and he’s not actually Russian? He was Ukrainian and used his view as an outsider to write about Russian society/life with elements of satire and the grotesque, making his work very crunchy!

(He’s my beloved Russian literature husband, no. 2)

It’s actually said that Akutagawa took inspiration from Gogol’s work “The Nose” for his own work of the same name! I love seeing some of my favorite authors influence each other.

Also, Gogol’s stories are so absurd, you’ll laugh until your heart stops, The “Diary of a Madman” and “The Nose” are absolute comedic goldmines, but we can’t just forget “The Overcoat”!

Fun fact: E.A. Poe and Gogol were born in the same year (1809) and both are now considered the some greatest authors. They also used similar themes and both inspired Dostoevsky. I felt like they may have been very good friends or would burn each others manuscripts- (Also Gogol’s birthday is on April Fool’s Day)

In conclusion, go and read Gogol’s works! I highly recommend “Diary of a Madman”, “The Overcoat”, and “The Portrait”!

Eugene Onegin [Pushkin, Alexander]: 11/10

This is a work of art, the fountainhead of Russian literature, Alexander Pushkin, everyone!

Reading a realist novel in the style of Romantic poetry makes me feel emotions I’ve never felt before. I feel like we don’t talk about Pushkin enough, he’s Russia’s greatest author, paved the way for other writers, yet many people still don’t know who he is outside his home country???

I actually started to appreciate poetry because of him (and Poe) and I wrote my final assignment paper on him!

I like Pushkin’s prose, it’s amazing how he could tell a story about three men in poetry. Lensky was my favorite :) 

Alexander Pushkin deserves all the love in the literary world, “Eugene Onegin” may be the best book I read this month. I know since it’s a novel in verse (poetry), it may look at little challenging at first, but it’s seriously worth all your time, it’s insane.

There’s so much more I want to say about Pushkin and I’d like to read more of his work!

A Thousand Cranes [Kawabata, Yasunari]: 9.2/10

As expected of the 1968 Nobel Prize (in Literature) recipient! I definitely enjoyed this one better than “Beauty and Sadness”!

Fumiko, my girl. I just felt so bad for her throughout the whole book. Imagine the guy you’re serving tea to has had a sexual relationship with your mother and she takes her own life? I don’t think I could live with that.

Also leave Chikako and her birthmark alone, damn you guys are mean-

There’s a certain poetic-ness to Kawabata’s works and I live for it. I really liked the last chapter, I almost cried while reading it. Kawabata makes self-destructive habits so much more alive with his words.

It’s a very short book, only 100 pages long, so there’s not much to say; I finished it in one sitting!

Of Dogs and Walls [Tsushima, Yuko]: 9/10

I ugly-cried while reading this, so I can’t give it a 10.

There are two stories in this book, The Watery Realm and Of Dogs and Walls, both are really sad if you think about it. In the first one, the narrator (who I think is Tsushima herself) says that no matter how horrible her husband was, she couldn’t bring herself to fully resent him, because he was the man she loved and married. The narrator also talks about how her mother beat her because she was her mother’s only child since her brother and sister knew their father, but not the narrator.

Tsushima’s works often talk about childhood and how it shapes our memories, as well as single parent life.

in Of Dogs and Walls, A girl’s childhood memories and family’s dog, become the most important pieces of herself, and she reminisces about the days she used to take care of her older brother.

Tsushima has won the Akutagawa, Izumi Kyōka, and Tanizaki Jun’ichirō Prizes, some of Japan’s most highly coveted literary prizes!

Fun fact: Her father was the famed I-novelist, Dazai Osamu, whose real name was Tsushima Shuji, I’ll put a link to my Dazai post here

The Stranger [Camus, Albert]: 8.9/10

I’m going to be very honest here, “The Stranger” is overrated-

I love Camus, but I feel like “The Stranger” has been abused by the media and the people, it’s lost its flavor?

Meursault’s mom dies, he freaking shot a man, and the only thing he talks about when on trial is his mom? Although that might be a leitmotif trying to prove Camus’ point on philosophy.

I understand that this book is to explore the “nakedness” of humanity and absurdity as a philosophical idea, but it seems overbearing to me. The whole book made me feel nauseous as I write this review,

But I do like Camus’s writing style, the short sentences sometimes say more than Dicken’s five page description of a house-

I guess I have a love-hate relationship with Camus, I like the style, but not the plot.

Week Three:

Anna Karenina [Tolstoy, Leo]: 10/10

There is a lot to unpack here, I might make a separate post on it sometime.

You have the life of the fortunate but unhappy Anna Karenina and her drama-filled, self-destructive life (and affair with Vronsky). Amongst this chaos, is Konstantin Levin, a man who struggles to find a meaning in life. 

Read this for Levin, trust me, it’s such a wonderful experience.

A perfect mix of living-room drama and pensiveness, Tolstoy’s usage of polyphony makes the lives of all of those involved with the Karenins and Levin unique.

Truth be told, I did not like Karenin from the start, I was ready to fight this man with my bare hands and a spoon, but when he visited Anna when she was supposedly dying? The tenderness of the moment had changed my mind of him completely, along with when he was taking caring of Anna and Vronksy’s baby girl when she rot away, knowing that the child was not his own? Forgiving Vronsky??? I was trying very hard not to cry.

I think I relate to Anna a little too much, help- (Anna kinnie moment haha) But my favorites are Kitty, Dolly, and Levin!

Kitty and Levin were so cute, esp whenLevin was coming home from looking at a plot of farmland (?) and all he could think of was arriving home and kissing Kitty??? Oh, great heavens, someone get me a cold towel and glass of water. (Felt like their relationship might have needed a few couple’s therapy sessions but)

There is just so much to this book, and I’m sorry for not being able to do it justice-

The Myth of Sisyphus [Camus, Albert]: 9/10

This. This is a work of art.

Definitely prefer this over “The Stranger”. As a philosopher, Camus loves to talk about the absurd and how life revolves around it.

The one thing Camus and I have in common, we both have an interest in Dostoevsky, Camus’ essay on Kirilov is so good as a character analysis and a way to further Camus’ point, so I won’t be giving it away, please go and read it!

This book is also pretty short, so I don’t want to give a lot of it away. I found “The Myth of Sisyphus” pleasing to read, I might use it as inspiration for my next work.

The Makioka Sisters/Light Snow [Tanizaki, Jun’ichirō]: 10/10

My first and last complaint is the title. What is “ThE MaKiOkA SiSteRs”? The original title is “Light Snow” and it’s said that the translator Edward Seidensticker had difficulty translating the title since a direct translation wouldn’t make sense to foreign readers.

Has a bit of a gossipy air around it? Sort of like a conversation I would overhear at a brunch?

The story is about the titular Makioka sisters, a once well-off family from Osaka, now with their declining fortune, they struggle to find a husband for the third sister, Yukiko. The youngest sister, Taeko, is waiting for Yukiko to get married, so she can come forth with her relationship with Okubata. But Taeko has feelings for Itakura, a photographer who rescued her from her sewing school during the flood in the story. Taeko’s affection for these men end up getting her disowned by her family- 

The air of the start of WWII and Allied occupation in Japan also play a part in the story, it really adds spice to the decline of the Makioka,

This was actually my first Tanizaki work, and I enjoyed it very much. I like Japanese literature because it’s themes and writing styles are different from that of Western styles and I really like Tanizaki’s writing!

I look forward to reading more of his works :)

The Flowers of Evil [Baudelaire, Charles]: 8.7/10

Going to be serious here, I don’t really read poetry. It’s never been my thing, I never end up finishing a collection.

Baudelaire is considered a great poet in France, along with Verlaine, and for good reason. He has talent, I liked his collections “Wine” and “Death”, they stood out to me the most.

I do like his usage of rhyme and rhythm, it’s a bit hard to describe though. 

I don’t enjoy French poetry as much as I enjoy Japanese poetry, but I’ll have to keep looking for a poet that suits my taste.

Whew, that is a lot of words. I didn’t know how I would break this news to you guys, but I’m writing a book of poetry and will be publishing it this year! I’ll find a way to make sure international purchase is accessible if you’re all interested! Happy Lunar New Year to those who celebrate it, 여러분 새해복 많이받으세요

[cornacopicimagines]

after hours│t.h

pairing: professor!tom holland x reader 

words: 6.9k (hehe nice)

warnings: swearing, PURE FILTH, sir kink, rough sex, masturbation (male & female), exhibition kink if you squint, spanking & sort of public sex.

summary:  It's wrong, y/n tells herself. She can't help it though. She can't help fantasising about him. At the other end of the class, Tom tells himself to stop staring at her. It's creepy, he thinks. Neither one knows of the mutual pining that is until tension bubbles over. 

a/n: I’m back bitches! I'm still a fucking sinner and this is such a cliche, I'm so so sorry

masterlist

━━★✼☆｡

y/n sat at the desk. Her eyes never left Mr. Holland. Her attention never left the way the veins in his arms bulged when he picked up the massive textbook, never left his perfectly gelled hair and how it sat atop his head like it was crafted to from the day he was born. Perhaps I should start typing the notes that were on the board, she scowled to herself.

She feels dirty, almost ashamed of her crush on him. She hates herself for falling into a stupid cliché that had been so easy to avoid all these tireless years. y/n doesn't know why she has gone back to a love-sick teenage girl fantasising about a boy who she'll never even get to touch. A boy that so out of her league, he wouldn't even had the faintest idea that she exists. That doesn't stop them though. y/n still finger fucks herself to an orgasm that no boy has been able to give her in her 24 years of life, all the while wishing it was his cock instead of her fingers. If Mr. Holland knew what she did to herself under the influence of him and his stupidly handsome face, he would be disgusted. This she knows for a fact.

This isn't what she thought she would be doing, in all honesty. She is a semester away from graduating and she never wanted to be stuck in a perpetual state of wanting someone so unattainable it's not uneasy, it's borderline unethical. She truly believed she would have ancient married professor that sound like their legs deep in their coffin. Instead she got a literal Greek God as her Psych professor.

She knows that she's not the only one of course. y/n has met 10 other girls in her class that probably write god awful poetry about Mr. Holland's liquid bronze eyes. She can't blame them, if she could write shitty poetry about him, she 100% would. y/n not angry either, she knows out of the 120 students (110 of whom are girls), are probably all in the same predicament. She sometimes gets dirty looks from them when Mr. Holland address her by her first name.

Perhaps that's something she should consider; he calls her y/n not Miss y/l/n or just simply Miss. It's different, it's endearing and when he has a raspy voice, it's so fucking hot.

"y/n," a voice called out, she shook herself out of her haze, "are you still with us?" Mr. Holland was no standing over her. His cologne surrounding her, intoxicating her. y/n gulped softly before turning her eyes to his.

"Yes, sorry sir," y/n replied quickly, trying her hardest not to stumble over her own words or even let the blush run to her cheeks.

Mr. Holland smiled warmly, "that's good, I need at least one of you listening," the class erupting in laughter, "I would prefer it to be one of the brightest." That though got them quiet. y/n sunk into her chair in embarrassment. The blush she had been fighting rose to the surface, making her even more adamant not to look up at him but alas she couldn't.

In that small fleeting moment, she caught something in his eyes. She couldn't define exactly what it was. Whatever it truly was, y/n knew teachers should not be looking at their students in such a way. It made her even more lightheaded with admiration.

The lesson continued on as normal for another hour. Mr. Holland described the outline for the next assignment, it seemed short and sweet. Write a 2-thousand-word essay on the effects of unintentional recreational drugs during early childhood. y/n had to laugh at the way Mr. Holland phrased it. It was as if he had never touch pot in his entire life, to be fair, y/n wouldn't be too surprised if he didn't. Most of the girls in his class groaned at the mere mention of actual work and not an hour and a half session of pure toe-curling orgasm material. Now that she thinks about it, that would be a wonderful way to spend her Wednesday mornings and Thursday afternoons.

Of course, y/n was in another word during the last minutes of the lesson. Unable to focus on anything other than the hint of a tattoo peeking through the underlining of his shirt. She was working so hard to distinguish what it was that she had completely missed the end of the lesson and the dozens of people walking out.

"y/n, what exactly are you doing?" Mr. Holland's voice asked above her. y/n almost jumped in her seat, but she stayed completely still. "This is the second time today, should I be worried?"

This though made her jump out of her seat. "No of course not sir!" She defended as she rushed to place her things away. "I was just off in wonderland today."

"Are you sure there is nothing distracting you?" He asked.

Yes.

"No," she replied hurriedly.

"You know you can tell me if something is," he reassured her.

Yes, of course. Let me just tell you about how you are distracting me by always wearing the hottest casual suits every lesson and giving me the wonderful fantasy of tearing it off you.

"I know that, it's just been my busy schedule," y/n lied through her teeth. She's a broke college student with hardly any friends or real other assignments. "I am just working really hard, you know?"

Yeah, working really hard to imagine you pounding me into next week!

With that last thought, y/n knew she needed to leave before she exploded with embarrassment and arousal right there in front of him.

"I just wanted to let you know that you are totally allowed to change the topic of the assignment if you feel like there is something that strikes a chord with you," Mr. Holland smiled brightly.

Fuck! Did he have to look so gorgeous even when he's trying to be dorky and supportive.

Mr. Holland noticed the shocked look upon y/n's face and immediately retracted his statement, "I promise I won't fail you, if that's what your thinking." He explained. "I really enjoy your work, you're a gifted woman with a real talent and I don't want to see it go to waste with my shitty assignment."

y/n turned her attitude around. He was stumbling over his words. It was kind of cute and endearing, like everything he does. She smiled warmly at his compliment.

"Sir," she spoke softly. It came out a lot mouseyer and somehow sexual than she would have liked but she refused to back out of her statement. "I can't wait."

She didn't say another word but simply slung her back over her shoulder and made her way out of the class. Tom followed her figure in complete and utter shock. He praised whatever god watched over him for the small mercy that was having y/n's back turned to him to witness his immediate blush cover his entire freckled face.

Tom never let his eyes leave her. He just watched her waltz right out of his classroom, he bit his lip at the sight of her perfectly cupped ass in her jeans. Through-out the entire lesson, all he could think about is how her tits would bounce as his dick thrusted up into her little cunt. Just the thought made his cock spring to life.

He stared up at the clock. He had to be in another lecture in 10 minutes, he had to teach another round of student without her pretty face in it in 10 bloody minutes. Sadly, it wasn't enough time to imagine cumming over her said face. He fidgeted until his painful erection was safely hidden.

God, you are such a fucking creep, Holland. He thought to himself.

━━★✼☆｡

y/n really didn't want to be doing this.

She really didn't want to have to walk to the library in a mini skirt she had when she went through her cringy hoe phase and a low-cut tank top she only really wore to bed at 8 at night. Luckily before she left, her roommate gave her a full can of pepper spray and a pocketknife. A handle tool for when you looked like a prostitute.

She had no choice. It was laundry night and she had to get her assignment out of the way, or she would never finish it in time. She wanted to kick herself for letting laundry night fall on the only night the library stayed open until midnight. It was a perk for sure but not when you had nothing to wear but pink neon rags.

y/n pushed open the library door and relieved herself of the anxiety of being abducted by the greeting of Harry. He looked familiar but she couldn't pinpoint where she had seen his face before.

"What cha doing here?" he shouted. Quite contradictory for a librarian. y/n grinned when she saw his dorky face at the counter. That is until he caught wind of her outfit, or lack thereof. "Got a late shift at the strip-club after this?" Her face fell.

"I hate you," she played along, her arms slumping on the cold desk. y/n looked around the library. It was basically empty, with the exception of the middle-aged teacher grading a stack full of papers. Poor bastard, y/n thought. "Got one for me?"

"You're going to get me fired if I do this again," Harry huffed, he banged his head against the keyboard in frustration.

"This is the last time," y/n explained, "I pinkie promise." She lifted her hand over the counter and waved her pinkie finger in Harry's face. He stared up her than move his eyeline to her finger now just touching the tip of his nose. He groaned loudly as he took her finger in his.

"There is a ton of empty booths, choose one and don't make a sound," Harry told her angrily, y/n simply clapped her hands in celebration and skipped off. She chooses the booth in range of Harry, in hopes that maybe he will distracted her and she won't have to do her work because she's too busy goofing off.

y/n dropped her stuff in a huff. Her back slumped into the curve of the chair and the desk covered her body happily. She placed her earphones in and played her favourite study music. She was in absolute heaven.

The assignment was kicking her ass, but she was determined to do it. Mr. Holland seemed genuinely excited for what she would write about if she did decide to change the topic. Now though she's regretting not letting Mr. Holland's hopes down.

She could find hardly anything online and even if she did it was by some random SJW on Tumblr. That's what lead her here tonight. In hopes that maybe some privileged white asshole with a degree would have some sources sighted to help her. Unfortunately, she was having trouble with that too.

It was now 11:30pm. She had been at this god forsaken table for two and a half hours now in an endless pursuit of bullshit. y/n had half a mind to give up and just suck his dick for the grade like other girls would in this situation. y/n had to remind herself though, she is a gifted woman with a real talent that should not be wasted on something shitty to please the masses. Did she just quote Mr. Holland?

She caught eyes with Harry in her block, who had two pencils stuck up his nose in an attempt to cheer her up. It did for the most part. y/n wanted to play along but it had seemed someone else had walked through the door at that very moment and Harry threw the pencils out. Harry's face lit up with red upon the arrival of this mystery person. y/n was interested in who this mystery person was. That is until she saw his face.

Mr. Holland walked up to the library desk in a fit of laughter. His hands smacking the counter and his face contorted in a wide smile. y/n instantly ducked under the table. She could faintly hear their conversation. It just sounded like muffled words until her name popped up.

Jesus Christ. Not now. Not tonight. Why of all night to run into his must it have to be tonight. Maybe I should make a run for it now, bust out of the wind-

"I know you're under there y/n," Mr. Holland's voice sung above her. It was too late now. Any escape plan that her mind frantically tried to rationalise was long gone by this point. Slowly, y/n retreated from her hiding spot to face him. He had his normal outfit of a tight t-shirt paired with a decorative tie and slightly lose pants. This time though he had a long burgundy coat draped over his shoulders. He looked like a painting. y/n smiled sheepishly.

"Hi," she said simply. Regaining her seat from before and fully appearing in front of him. "I had no idea you would be here this late," she tried with conversation.

"Harry's my brother, I have to drive him home before leaving myself and he just wanted to work the late shift tonight," Tom laughed to himself and he turned around and waved at Harry. His brother waved back guiltily. "You know, I could say this same to you," he smirked at her.

"I am working on your assignment, sir," y/n responded quietly. Tom's eyes lit up at that and he rushed to snatch the papers off her desk and into his hands. Much to the disapproval of y/n.

"Oh good, you've decided to change it," Tom sounded almost relieved as if he trusted her judgement more than his own. Worse of it all, he decided to sit down next to her. Even taking off his coat, making his biceps bulge through his shirt. His eyes flicked through what she currently has. His eyebrows raised in shock, "I have to say, I was not expected you to decide to do something about the female orgasm and its effect on the psyche," his voice was an octave deeper than usual. y/n could feel her arousal building.

y/n couldn't decide if he was just being friendly or if he was trying to send a deeper message. Either way, she decided to take action. "Well, with the number of women being unsatisfied I thought it was an appropriate topic," she snatched the papers out of his hands, "but you wouldn't know anything about women being unsatisfied would you sir?"

Tom sat there in astonishment. His cock stiffened against the restraints of his jeans, he has only been in her vicinity for 5 minutes and already she has him hard as a rock. It was times like these that he wished he could just leave all his determination to fuck her over this very desk at the door. Regrettably, he couldn't.

"Well, that just ruins the surprise," y/n sighed delicately. Her fingers flicking through the pages of her useless book. "Either way, the resources are complete shit," this time her sadness was real, and Tom snapped out of his lust-ridden haze.

"Did you really expect a man to know mostly everything of something that is so cardinally female?" Tom smirked as he closed the book on her and pointed to the photo of a wrinkled old man. He was the author of a stupid book and to be fair, he looked like he would write this type of book as well.

"Damn, I knew I was doing something wrong," y/n hissed. She had been spending her entire night trying to piece together information from a man who can only give her half the story.

"The book on the top shelf is one on the chemical effects of orgasming in females by a female," Tom leaned in and whispered in her ear. His hot breath wafted of her skin; it was enough to send goose bumps over her entire body. y/n turned her head to face him, their lips inches away from each other. If they didn't have Harry watching them like a hawk, they probably would be out of breath from lip-locking. Instead, y/n nodded and got up out of her seat, making sure to give him a stunning view of her tits through her tank top. He wanted to audibly gasp but kept in inside. It didn't help with his situation downstairs any more than the last few minutes have.

Slowly, she walked over to the bookcase. Her eyes scanning the endless rows and she made sure Tom had enough time to enjoy the deep red thong underneath her skirt. Finally, her fingers coiled around the book and brought it down to her. Tom couldn't believe his own eyes. He was so under her spell. The way her top hugged her curved and let his eyes completely drink in her breasts. How her skirt was pulled up to her waist, allowing the flushed skin of her ass to be visible to him. He wonders how a woman like her even exists and yet she takes a seat next to him, absolutely unaware of his throbbing manhood. Begging to be touched by her, to be taken by her, by anything to do with her.

"Thank you, sir," she almost purrs to him, Tom's struggling to keep it together. He afraid the next thing to slip out of her flawless mouth, he'll cum straight into his pants when he would rather cum into her.

"Anytime," he responds just a dark before getting up. Hiding his clearly hard cock behind his briefcase. "I'll see you in class?" He already knows the answer, but he just wants the last bit of assurance from her.

"Of course," she smiled warmly. With that Tom basically books it, he's frantically making sure he's well-hidden as he quickly bends over the counter.

"I'll come back to pick you up in 30, I forgot some paper work back in my office," it's so fast, Harry almost doesn't have time to translate it before Tom's out the door and rushing down the hall.

At one point, he basically running to get to his office. Feet tapping against the concrete as he continues to see nothing but flashing images of y/n. It blurs his vision and he's so desperate. He considers using a spare supply closet but know he will only get complete privacy in his own office.

He finally gets there, after what seems like an eternity of running. He checks the hallways before entering. He drops all of his things at the foot of the door. He even has the decency to hang his coat upon the rack. Tom slowly walks over to his chair. It's a rough leather material and usually he would refuse to do what he's about to do in here, it will be stained with the memory but at this point. He got no fucks left to give.

He crashes down. His back hitting the material he hates so much. He doesn't think he's got time, but he still does it slowly. His belt drops next to his and he undoes the zip slowly and the cold air hits his dick. He hisses at the feeling but proceeds anyways. Tom pulls the rest of his jeans and boxers down his legs and kicks them across the room. His hand takes his dick, slowly rubbing the head. Imaging y/n's fingers dancing over it, spreading the precum over. He uses his palm to envision her own stroking up and down in an even motion. He can't help but moan. He can't help but softly call out her name.

He so entranced that he doesn't recognize the following light footsteps approaching. He's so into her non-existent touch that he doesn't hear the door peacefully squeak open. He's so in love with the feeling he doesn't feel y/n walk around the room to get on her knees in front of him.

She's in glory of his movements. Watching him stroke his much bigger cock than her masturbation version has her in a hurry to get her own panties off her body and across the floor. She's sure she's dripping onto the wood below but she does have single care in the world. Tom has his head thrown back in ecstasy as his hand starts to speed up, that's when y/n decides to go for the kill. She licks a long strip up his shaft. Her hands stabilizing him by placing them atop his bare thighs.

Tom almost jumps out of his chair. He had no idea she caught him in the middle of something so vile and wrong. Better yet, she had caught him with the tip of his dick around her perfectly glossed lips. He doesn't get to say another word before y/n's hands begin massaging the bottom of his manhood. It's slow to begin with, it's almost if she's easing him into it. Her cheeks hollow out to allow his length into her warm mouth. It's incredible. Tom can't help but buck his hips up into her throat causing her to gag slightly. It's a sound he wants more of.

His hands ball her hair into his fist. With the faster her movements become, the harder he fucks into her mouth. They sync up almost instantly. One of y/n's hands leave his cock to fuck herself. Tom's mesmerised by the way her fingers act as a replacement for his dick. He's certain he's not going to last much longer.

"I should be d-doing that," he whispers through grunts. y/n lifts her head to smile at him, still letting her free hand jerk and pull bringing him closer the edge.

"I know," she responds, just as quiet. Her mouth reconnects but Tom quickly snaps his hips up into her. Her muffled moaning vibrated against his cock as he fucks her mouth. It's the hottest thing he's ever done. He tugs and pulls at her hair, y/n's edging him on. She's exquisite, it's like she's mastered this and has allowed him to chance to feel how fucking beautiful her little mouth can be.

Like it's effortless, he comes. Without any warning, he is shooting hot stream of cum into her mouth, filling it up. Tom swears he's seeing stars but can't bring him to call out her name but instead bites down on his hand so hard he's afraid he's drawn blood.

y/n releases him from her mouth and is from an actual porn Tom spent his teenage years watching, his cum leaks from her lips and falls down on the curves of her tits. It's a sight he was to remember forever. He wants to grab his phone and click so he will get to look at her covered in his cum for the rest of his life but alas, he's still regaining his bearings.

"Tastes better than I would have expected," y/n giggles as she brings the liquid back up to her lips and swallows. There is no way this woman gets better; he thinks to himself.

"Sweetheart-," he begins but she beats him to it, her gets back on her feet and plants a sweet kiss upon his lips. He can taste himself on her lips, it's addictive.

"I wanted this," it's almost as if she read his mind. He doesn't respond but he simply looks at her, his hand coming up to twirl a strand of hair that has fallen in front of her face.

y/n pulls away from him, walking over the pile of discarded clothes and bend to pick up her soaked underwear. She gives Tom a look, he's so close he can smell her juices from his seat. Her pussy look like a paradise waiting to be exploded by him, but he keeps his hands to himself. y/n paced herself over to the coat hanger, her folded panties in hand. She places them in the left pocket with a devilish smile upon her face. Tom had now place their rest of his clothes back on and had joined her.

"I'll get them back next lesson," y/n grins. Tom nods quickly, their feet fumbling under her back hits his office door. She's trapped in between him, he smells of pure sex but she's committed to her idea. He bends down to capture her lips in his with a forceful kiss. It's hungry and needy. She wants it so badly to give but she pulls away. "My roommate is waiting for me outside."

"We'll finish this," Tom whispers as he opens the door for her. It sends shivers down y/n's spine. It's not a promise, it's an order.

She grabs the rest of her things and heads off. Almost in a sick turn of events, Tom watches her bare ass strut away from him. Just like the last lesson, except this time all he can do is imagine him face fucking her. It's a beautiful sight.

━━★✼☆｡

The three days leading up to class where probably the slowest 72 hours both of them had ever experienced. A constant detail of pleasure from the night before. So when the fated day arrived, both parties didn't know what to do. Tom debated just staying home, though he couldn't deny he so desperately want just another taste. He thought, if he didn't show up, all his guilty conscience of a student giving him the best head he's ever had in his life would simply disappear and he would go back to being a normal teacher. y/n, too, thought of skipping this class for a completely different reason. Perhaps she had got a surge of confidence after hearing her professor call out her name while he touched himself or it could just be the pure scandalous nature of it all. Either way, she wanted to stay cooped up with a blanket while she watched him unravelled. No matter the psyche from the both of them, they went.

y/n stood outside the classroom for a good 20 minutes, unsure of what she should do. Should she go in now and fuck him in the small window or wait and play with his emotions? She hadn't realised how fast the time had went until she saw other student's start entering. It was now or never and unfortunately it was going to be now.

The room was smaller than y/n remember when she stepped in. It seemed more wide the last time she came in here. Of course, the last time she came in her, she hadn't sucked Mr. Holland's cock.

Her eyes landed on him in a matter of seconds. His back was turned to her as he wrote on the massive blackboard in front of him. y/n could see his muscles flex as he tried to reach for the duster above the board. She bit her lip as she thought of her nails digging into his back as he fucked her. It was a fantasy she had to push to the side.

Tom could practically smell her once she walked in. It was her normal perfume that had been intensified 10 fold. He refuses to turn around, afraid that if he did all his good heart nature would go out the window. Tom could hear the faint clinking of the heels of her shoes walk up the stairs. He so desperately wanted them to come right back down.

"Okay, as you know, you're assignment is due in 2 weeks and this is going to be the only time I will answer your questions," Tom's voice boomed. He hadn't got a lot of sleep since that night and he didn't particularly want to do this but he considered himself a kind professor, so he had too.

He turned around and saw the entire class' hands go straight up in the air. Including y/n, though hers was a little lower. Her eyebrow raised and a small smirk painted on her lips. There was no way in hell he was answer whatever question came out of those pretty lips. She looked even more exquisite than when he last saw her. A tight t-shit that had a stained 50's logo on it and a pair of tight black jeans, he knew as soon as he spoke to her, he would loose all control on himself.

So he never did, constantly dodging her. Answering every single question, even if half of them were if he was married or worse if he was free Friday night. He will admit, seeing y/n get frustrated every time he passed her to talk to another young female student made him just that tad bit excited.

It was an hour and a half of pure tension. Sure, no one else in the class could feel it but they 100% could. She never felt more out of control and for some reason, she despised it. He kept ignoring her, kept refusing her, kept defying her. It was infuriating, that she wanted to take fate by the hair.

She waited, until every single soul had walked out of the door. She waited until the last gaggle of girls had finished their blabbering to Tom before she starting to strut down the stairs. Tom refused to meet her eyes even when he knew that's all she did. Glare at him as she stomped past him desk to the classroom door. He heard it lock.

"I wanted to ask you a question," she almost spat, "sir."

Tom straightened himself before swivelled around to meet her. She was so livid with him but he knew deep down that all she wanted from him was to have the white chalk from the board rubbed up her back from him pinning her down.

"Fire away," he responded exactly the same. She stared at him for a moment before strolling towards him. She made sure to swing her hips every other time. She noticed his eyes on her, finally she was getting somewhere.

y/n pressed her chest upon his heaving one. Her face lifting to meet his. They stayed like that for a good minute, just pondering. They listened to each other's heats thumping against their rib cages. They both desperately needed this.

Never taking her eyes off him, y/n snaked her hand around the side of pocket of her coat, smiling once she found what she left. Her soaked red thong, it was a sight for sore eyes.

"I wanted to ask if I was every going to get payback?" she giggled softly. Tom knew she was playing a game but he had no idea which one it was.

"I don't think I understand," he stammered, she strutted away from him until she met the edge of his stainless desk. Her fingers gliding over the wood ever so slightly. She turned her head to look at him. She had a rawness in her eyes; lustful, a sinner's stare. It would be a look Tom was never forget for the rest of his life.

y/n suddenly jumped on the desk. Her ass moving the papers to the side as she slowly started to unbutton her tight jeans. "I think you do," it was almost a hiss but he only heard the desperation in her voice. "I want you to make me feel all the things you did that night."

Tom almost fainted just with that until she dropped her jeans the floor. She had come to class without any underwear on and her wetness was dripping onto the desk. Tom was sure was in heaven but he didn't want to believe it.

He got on his knees. His hands palming at her soft thighs. Tom didn't need another incentive, he didn't need another spur-on. Tom licked a single strip up her folds, y/n bit a moan back. It was like tasting ambrosia or doing cocaine for the first time. He needed more, so he went back in again, this time it was rougher. His fingers gripping at her ass, pulling her closer to his mouth as he devoured as if he hadn't eaten in weeks. Her hands tangle themselves in his floppy curls, she tugs harshly on his scalp as he adds a finger into her warm entrance.

Tom's never felt like this before but he doesn't care. He's sure people can hear her soft but frantic moaning from outside, but he doesn't care. He'll never look at his desk the same way but like everything else, he doesn't fucking care. Tom curls his fingers in the perfect spot inside of her.

"Just like that," y/n calls out, her hair now sprawled out on the desk. "I'm going to cum sir."

Tom feels her walls contract around his fingers as he pulsing faster, her back arches and she trying so hard to force her cries back into her throat. It's a sight he wants to from above, it's a feeling he wants to feel inside of her. So, at the last minute, he retracts everything. His tongue leaves her throbbing clit and his finger, which are glistening with her slick, slid out of her.

y/n can't hold back to whine that leaves her left from the loss of his god-like tongue and fingers. "What the fuck Tom?!" she's angry with him, she wants to tell him off but before she can do it. One of his hands captures her wrist and slams them against the desk below her, pinning her to it. She whimpers at the sting of pain.

He's right above her but she can't see a single thing below her. "Look at me," he tells her sternly, she does what's she is told instantly. "You can't talk to me like that sweetness," y/n knows there is a venom behind his words even if she speaks in a melody. "I'm not your fucking boyfriend, you don't call me that."

Without any warning at all, he pounds right up into her. y/n almost spasms out of Tom's grip from the wave of pleasure. Tom doesn't move at all, he stays nuzzled inside her. It's agonising, almost painful for y/n. Having his perfect cock not jamming into her tight cunt. It's torture.

"You understand that?" he peppers kissed against the nape of her neck, she's about to cry out, she'll do anything. She nods her head frantically, hoping it's enough. It isn't. He keeps his hips locked tightly against hers. "Words, sweetness."

"Yes," she responds. She can feel him frown against her skin. He pulls right out of her and rams right back in, causing y/n to scream out in pleasure. "Y-yes sir," she corrects herself and with that, Tom starts a pace. It's slow and tantalising, he watches amazed at how her pretty folds swallow him up with every thrust. It's magnificent.

He wants to savour this moment forever. He wants to fuck her brains out for every waking moment of his existence.

"Sir, go harder," she moans below him. Her wrists bruised from his gripped, but the pain just only contributes in her overwhelming amount of pleasure. His thick cock is so much better than her fingers, no matter how many she adds.

Tom obliges and starts to really pound into her cunt. It's raw and ruthless, he's calling out her name now. "Fuck sweetness, you so bloody tight," he purrs, y/n can't respond through her chant of curses. "You're little cunt was made for me, it was made for me to stretch it out."

The dirty talk elevates her, y/n's not sure how much longer she'll last. His filling ever last inch of her. She can feel her tits bounce every time their skin collides. Her wrists are finally let free as he begins to clutch at her naked hips. It's an experience she's never felt. The sound of skin slapping and their combined gasping and cursing are the only thing she can perceive to hear. If there was a knock at the door, y/n knows she would have no idea about it.

Perhaps, it's the pure excitement and morality of this whole situation that makes them both feel like they're on cloud nine. Her arms snake around his waist, her hands move with every rough thrust into her. She's gripping onto his back through the material of his tight shirt. Her nails clasping on the contracting muscles. She would have left his back red and sore if he didn't have the damned t-shirt on to protect him.

"Fuck," she curses as he started to hit an area inside of her, she never knew existed. "Just like that sir, I am going to cum," she moans, her forehead against his. They lock eyes again, this time though there is no linger feeling of want or romance. It's just sex. Dirty, hot, intense fucking.

She's the first to come undone. The fire now transformed into a raging wildfire spreading across her entire abdomen. y/n throws her head back in ecstasy, her whole vision goes black and she has to bit down against her hand to stop and inevitable pornographic scream to jump out of her mouth. Her other hand clutches his neck, pulling him closer to her.

Tom follows shortly after, his thrusts become sloppy and erratic but never easing up. His cock twitches inside of her before he shots the hot white liquid all inside of her cunt. He pressed his lips against her as his attempt to stop his moan as well but he continues to call out her angelic name against her lips. Once, Tom pulls out of her, he watches in awe. The mixture leaks out of her hole and then pools on his desk. He's so in love with this woman it hurts.

"I have never cum that hard in my entire fucking life," she giggles, pulling her top down her flushed tits. As he too, starts to redress himself, he simply stares at her. Watches her retrieve her jeans from the floor and slip them up her bare ass. He spots her shove her panties back into his back pocket, not before she scribbles something down on a torn piece of paper.

"What are you doing?" he asked gently, wrapping his arms around her waist. She nuzzles her face in the crook of her.

"I'm giving you a reason to come make me dinner and then fuck me again," she explains, "I put my address in there, so hopefully you can't get lost."

"You sure about this," Tom asked hesitantly, y/n now swivelled around to face him. Her warm palm caressed his face.

"I wouldn't have just done that if I wasn't," she places a soft, tender kiss to his cheek. "Make it a Thursday though, my roommate will be out on those nights," she told him as he grabbed the last of her things and unlocked the door. Tom grins warmly as she makes herself presentable for the last time. "I would clean that up if I were you," y/n laughed, pointing at the obvious mess all over his desk before quickly exiting.

As she wobbled back to her dorm, she wondered what article of clothing she should leave out on their next escapade.

━━★✼☆｡

a/n: this is gonna flop, i just fuckin know it 🥴 anways i hope you enjoyed my fic that has ended my hiatus. see you (hopefully) soon 🥺

[jigensass]

I forgot to make a call out to another amazing person

@jigenshat came out of nowhere into my life and we simp for the same character now

Anyway, how Lupin the Third changed my perspective on life. - an essay nobody wanted to read written by a potato

I vaguely remember hearing about Lupin when I was in high school by name and that was it, but when I started playing Persona 5, my most liked character out of the group in what I played was Yusuke aka Fox and his Persona Goemon. Mostly I was intrigued to him the most because he was voiced by Suigata, the VA for Gintoki and Joseph Joestar in Battle Tendency. I can’t recall exactly what put Lupin on my list, but I remember going through Daisuke Namikawa’s VA list because he voiced Giorno Giovanna in the video games and saw the name “Goemon” pop up under Lupin the Third and I told myself ‘yeah I should watch it, Goemon will probably be the best character’

I started with Part 1 and I thought it was pretty good, yet it felt dated because of the nudity. I even didn’t find Fujiko because I was watching this show blind at this point to see if I enjoyed it. It took me about half a month to watch it, but by the end of it (as my memory serves), this was my favorites list

- Goemon/Jigen

-Lupin/Zenigata/Fujiko

Early on I had a feeling Jigen was gay because of the way he didn’t know how to use a chair. I equally thought at this point that Jigen and Goemon were attractive to the eye.

Part 2 did not help this.

I continued Part 2, starting in mid-March to the end of May. This was my list by the end of it.

-Jigen

- Goemon

- Zenigata

- Lupin

- Fujiko

This list was probably defined by Mid-April because I got the taste of the English dub and got to episode 110.

And then I watched Lupin the Third the First

He was the antithesis of everything I believed in and everything I disliked in a man’s attributes, but it was that smile

That damned smile. I was torn between being a simp and kinning to the man because of my current state of mind. It was warm, it was sexy, it was a literal dance with the devil and I learned that the hard way.

A few months ago, I made an Lupin OC where I mostly made them for the purpose of shipping with Jigen as a way to get back into writing. But the people who I was writing with kicked me from our discord server. I was very lucky to save my writings on other sources outside of Discord.

I’m serious- if anyone (or a lot of people) are interested in bringing that character back, I will do it. But you have to DM me. Obviously tweaking some things since my perspective has changed since then.

But because of this incident, and recently because of events in my personal life, something clicked. Something that should have clicked a long time ago.

Jigen, for the most part, will continue to be a static character. He will always have the same morals, beliefs, and personality traits with some changes here and there.

I want to be the opposite of Jigen. I want to fly and be free, to figure out the truth. And just like Jigen, there are people who don’t want to change due to personal reasons or other ones unknown to be and no matter how much I can try, these people cannot be influenced by the truth or optimism are brick walls that I have to stop beating my head on.

[Disclaimer: I am not saying Jigen is a bad character, it’s quite the opposite. There are multiple layers under the gunman persona that are difficult to see because of his gruff demeanor. Have you seen the theories, headcanons, and evidence that the community has made? It’s endless.]

I have to learn to let those people go when the writing is on the wall. I also have to learn to not turn my passions into obsessions. I didn’t want this thing I had running with Jigen become something that consumed my life. Yet it slipped and I paid the price. If the person/people I hurt see or read this (or anyone in my past), I am truly sorry for the last time. My goal for 2022 is to be a better character of judgement, including my own. (I THINK THAT IS THE CORRECT PHRASING???)

This is the point of not going back to those old habits. 2022 me is going to be a lot different and it’s been a long time coming. I’m still gonna shitpost, I’m still gonna theorize, and I’m not changing this blog anytime soon. This change was for the better because the traffic on this blog had an incline and there is nowhere to go at this point but up.

At this point of watching Lupin, I currently love all of the main cast for their specific attractive traits, but I still love Jigen the most. He definitely left the biggest impact on me this year.

The main issue is: I really don’t have a map and I’m just gonna go where the wind of the waves take me. But I got time to figure that all at.

May your 2022 be blessed with good shit.

[mylivejournalsucks]

Didion.

Eve and Joan in one week. Wow. No wonder Los Angeles is raining.

Joan Didion is a drug everyone must try once. Some people get hooked. I was fortunate to be one of those people.

I discovered her writing in a class taught by Mark Greif. I forgot what the class was or what we’re studying. I just remember reading a lot of texts by boring old straight white intellectuals and feeling like the biggest bimbo on planet Earth. At 21 and 22, I still believed there was a certain way to be A Writer and Think About Things. Everything I was introduced to in college made me feel out-of-step, like I didn’t get it and never would. Then Slouching Towards Bethlehem entered the chat. The assignment was to read the essay and discuss how Didion felt about her subjects. Did she like them? Did she care about them? How did her writing style inform her feelings?

I read the essay at the Starbucks on Astor Place (lmao) and was immediately like, “Who is this moody rich bitch who hates everyone and everything?” Her prose was electric. It felt like a song I was finally able to hear. I went to class the next day ready to discuss. It was clear Didion did not think much of these hippies who were frying their brains like eggs on the side of a highway on a 110 degree day. Reading Didion, it felt like she had contempt for most people and most things, besides Los Angeles, New York, and Sacramento.

I immediately devoured everything she wrote. Like any young person with feelings in New York, I read “Goodbye To All That” in my studio apartment in the East Village and thought “OMG...it me.”

After Slouching, I flew to LA for Christmas break and read The White Album, Play It As It Lays, and Year of Magical Thinking back-to-back in an underwhelming coffee shop on Beverly called Buzz that has now been replaced with another underwhelming coffee shop called Andante. (See how I’m listing names and locations? It’s impossible to discuss Joan without falling prey to her tics and quickly realizing A.) that’s not your voice and B.) thank God because no one can measure up to Joan.)

Beyond Play It As It Lays, I didn’t dabble in her fiction because, uh, it’s not as good. In fact, I reread Play It As It Lays in the fall and found it to be nihilistic and overdramatic. (How many fucking freeways does this Weekend At Bernie’s lady Maria have to drive on? Also, when she has, like, a plumbing problem in her mansion in Beverly Hills so she just moves to an apartment in Hollywood instead of dealing with it? #goals)

Joan’s power is in the personal. She speaks with a cool authority. Reading her, it feels like she’s driving you in her Stingray Corvette, weaving in and out of traffic effortlessly, telling you How It Is and you’re just in her trance, nodding along.

I love how unapologetically bougie she was, how her and her husband John seemed low-key kind of like insufferable social climbers in Hollywood. By all accounts, you did not want to get stuck next to Joan at a party. She barely spoke, was fragile, had migraines, was terrified of the weather. She was too smart, too fragile. She was bad at doing Life Things. She wanted to either take her speed and sit at the typewriter or take to the bed.

It might sound like I’m roasting her but I’m really not. I sincerely love everything about this woman! Reading her was the first time I felt like there could be a place for me. Here Joan was, eating chopped salads at La Scala and writing about her feelings for Vogue, and it had real value. More than the pages and pages I read of straight white dudes writing about, like, their dog and quarries. 

I saw Joan once, in conversation with Griffin Dunne at Symphony Space doing promotion for Blue Nights. I use the words “in conversation” loosely. Griffin talked, Joan Didion grunted and looked like she’d rather be anywhere else. I loved it. I loved how cranky and over it she was.

I wrote about the event for my job and the post caught the attention of an editor at The New Yorker. She wanted to meet me for lunch at Conde Nast (working in media in 2011 could be really random) and so I did and we talked and it was lovely. She gave me “Speedboat” by Renata Adler. “If you love Joan,” she said. “You’ll love Renata Adler.”

I read it. I did love it. But It didn’t make me want to sit down and write, like Joan did. Reading Didion feels like being put under a spell. I read one paragraph and I need to write immediately. Otherwise, I sincerely think I might die. I’ve never had that with anyone else’s work and maybe I never will. 

We’re lucky she decided to share her brain with us. And I hope there’s no Santa Ana winds in heaven. Joan was triggered by the Santa Ana winds.

[sulphuryasecretcloset]

This might be a bit of ramble that’s looking far too deep into something that might actually be quite small… but;

One of my favorite parts of this last chapter was Corin’s line about Din being ‘a bit of a control freak.’ While, in the moment, it comes off as a sort of throw away comment, this line feels like a visualization of a topic that runs far deeper - like a tree with an incredible root system hidden far beneath the surface.

This line is definitely important for a multitude reasons; it represents a certain amount of growth and progression in Corin that’s been building and continues to build throughout the story - he now feels comfortable enough to tease and joke about Din without fear of rebuttal or insult, signifying a feeling that he’s now coming to terms with: Din is in this for real and isn’t going to just throw Corin away for some small reason.

However, more so than just an illustration of growth on Corin’s part, I feel like this line represents a facet of the story that hasn’t ever been said out loud, at least so succinctly, until now - Din’s issues concerning control or a lack there of.

On the surface, this seems fairly obvious - Din has been shown time and time again to take control when situations become chaotic or dire; issuing commands, piloting the ship, stepping up to the plate when others hesitate, etc.

But I think a deeper part of this issue of control is connected to emotions and mentality, and Din’s fear regarding this;

Din, while not quick to anger, is nye uncontrollable once he does and this obviously bothers him. As someone who feels the need to be in control in order to feel safe and know that those he cares about are safe, the knowledge that he himself cannot control his anger and his actions when he is angry is terrifying and humiliating. He carries a lot of regret regarding his actions towards Paz on multiple occasions and has admitted openly to his problems of becoming angry when he is frightened or frustrated.

He’s had so little control throughout his life, between the loss of his parents and village, being forced into an adoption by Mandalorians who just didn’t fit, and losing his teacher and father figure without being able to do anything about it. It is only once Din is older that he is able to gain some semblance of control over his own life, striking out on his own and taking over the role of Beroya, and then more so after finding the Child and becoming a father. He can control his ship and the bounties he takes and the choices he makes outside the Covert, so the lifestyle is appealing, albeit lonely and alienating. As a father, his ability to maintain control over his credits, his life, and his wellbeing translates to a safer life for his child, so that control becomes even more important.

It’s why, when the Child becomes less and less able to control his abilities, Din is terrified and even considers (if just for a moment) giving the Child to Skywalker, if only to help the kid learn control.

This is then contrasted by Din’s willingness to give up control when it comes to more positive feelings and relationship; namely with Corin.

I think it says a lot about their relationship that Din is willing to relinquish control for Corin’s sake - not when it comes to protecting him and thus commanding him to stay out of battle and such, but more in terms of Corin’s wants/needs and happiness. He defers to Corin when it comes to personal choices, such as progressing their relationship, initiating intimacy, and matters regarding Corin’s past and family.

We know it’s painful for Din not to have control and not to move forward with the relationship when he so desperately wants to, but it speaks to his own resolve to change and grow as a person that he gives the reigns to Corin and allows him to lead.

(This is illustrated even more… ‘graphically,’ if you will, in Touch and Taste, where Din is shown time and time again to relish in a lack of control when in comes to being intimate with Corin; ie, wanting to be held down/manhandled/etc. I think is says a lot that something that is normally so painful for Din can become something that brings him so much pleasure when framed in a more positive light.)

This, of course, is all placed so nicely into one little line, which comes on the tail end of Din’s most extreme experience in lack of control: being frozen in carbonate and literally stripped of all sovereignty.

...anyways... sorry, that was... a lot...

- Ort

Forgive me, dearest Ort, but I have been hoarding this for a little while because I loved having it pop up to greet me in my inbox. Would it be possible for me to move into that brilliant brain of yours? You see things so clearly and put it into words with an eloquence and clearness that leaves me in awe.

While blood-loss and a severe concussion is leaving Corin's brain more than a little scrambled and his inhibitions lowered, it is absolutely true that he would never have dared to joke like that (no matter how disoriented he was) unless he believed that Din wouldn't punish him for it.

And you are so 110% spot on with your analysis of Din that I've tried to conjure up something as a response but there is honestly nothing I could add that would improve anything because you nailed it PERFECTLY! *flails* His control issue, the roots of it due to his past, his shame of failing to control his anger (especially the incident with Paz) and how he has struggled to deal with this and having a family... Again, you sum it up and explain it so well it gives me goosebumps.

And I have to really underline what you also pointed out; how Din actually does hand over control to Corin when it comes to personal things. Because, yes, while Corin has had a lot of personal growth during the series, Din has too. He has gone from an angry, solitary creature to being a friend, a more stable brother, a caring boyfriend and deeply devoted father. The fact that Din is not only able to hand over control to Corin during their Touch and Taste moments but actually enjoy it? Like, a lot? It screams how much Din trusts him. He 'is' a control freak, which is exhausting, so him being able to voluntarily relinquish control to a partner that is definitely something he's never experienced before.

It certainly underlines the horror he felt during his helplessness in this last chapter, yes...!

Every time I read your gorgeous analysis, I want to write a huge essay because I'm so happy that what I tried to get across has come across so well, but my words fade compare to yours. You are a linguistic genius as well as an amazing art creator! And forgive me for hoarding your words, but I loved them soooo much <3 <3 <3

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

[tomione thing] Thanks for the recs! I actually was looking forward to the rant, I like how you break things apart so they make sense in a very unique way.( I don't have any strong feelings to the pairing if that was your concern, I just think the stories about them have the potential to be fantastic because I enjoy intelligent characters going through life and solving problems and, usually, in fanfiction there's focus on only one smart character.

So, you people are just poking me with sticks to see what ridiculous opinions spew out then. I’m onto your game.

With that said, let’s get to answering then, and know that you bring this upon yourself.

I loathe Tomione. I put up with it, sometimes, because I will read almost any fic featuring Tom Riddle as a main character. (Want the Carnivorous Muffin to read your fic? Tom Riddle as a main character. Even if I disagree with 110% of your premise I will probably still read your story.)

However, it’s extremely telling that my recs the other day were hilariously small, and one was actually Hermione/Loki. The Tomione exists, I just hate it.

This is for two main reasons. First, I just don’t believe the ship would ever work under any circumstances and the pair are naturally doomed to loathe one another. Second, fanfiction has a collection of tropes associated with Tomione that are in unbearable (likely caused unconsciously by the first, Tomione doesn’t really work, so we do terrible things to make it work). 

Tomione Doesn’t Work: Change My Mind

So, remember we’re living in Muffin-land for this. I’ve explained some of my headcanons regarding these characters, and I’ll offer brief explanation for why I think what I do here, but I’m not going to expand on it too much.

Tomione has appeal under the premise that either you or someone else previously mentioned: they’re both so smart, of course they belong together.

The trouble, Hermione’s not nearly as smart as she thinks she is. What we see of Hermione’s cleverness boils down to having a very good work ethic and reading a lot of books. She tends to outsmart Ron and Harry because she actually puts in the work to do her homework and, my god, read her text books. Also, as I’ve covered before, Harry’s an idiot, so that’s a low bar.

Because Hogwarts can be passed by the likes of Crabbe and Goyle, and the curriculum seems to boil down to “pronounce this fake Latin correctly, ooh look, a spell”, actually reading her books not only gets Hermione by but skyrockets her ahead of her peers. Who, apparently, have no ear at all and don’t understand the swishy motions are important and probably never bothered to read their books.

This isn’t to say she’s stupid, she’s by far one of the more intelligent characters in the series, but it says a lot of not so good things about Hogwarts that Hermione is the “brightest witch of her generation”. In my mind she has never compared to characters like Tom Riddle, Lily Evans, Severus Snape, or Albus Dumbledore.

Hermione never questions how magic exists, why wands work, or why pronunciation is so weirdly important and why we’re using spells that are gibberish Latin instead of English or simply Latin. She never takes that step outside the box I would expect a truly intelligent person to take.

An example, Hermione completely throws out the entire discipline of divination. This is part because she believes it’s stupid, but she also only spends about two seconds thinking about it, and she doesn’t appear to be any good at it. If Hermione’s not good at it then it must be a stupid subject for stupid people.

Now, that alone doesn’t doom her, but it does put a huge chink in the major appeal of Tomione: they’re both just so brilliant that they’d be great together.

What dooms them is that Hermione both a) thinks she is as brilliant as all these other people and b) has this pervasive need to be the smartest person in any room she walks into. Hermione comes across Tom Riddle in the past or just chills with Voldemort in the future, she will inevitably try to show him up. This isn’t just to assure us that good is better than evil, but because she can’t help herself, because being the smartest is how she defines herself.

As a result, especially if we’re in the time travel/school setting, she would inevitably get in competition with him to prove she’s so much better/smarter than he is. It would undoubtedly be on her terms, probably revolving around school work, and she’d throw a fit when Tom wins because he understands the value in being concise where Hermione would quite easily write a hundred page Potions’ essay (that had a five page limit) with the subtext “PRAISE ME” written on every page.

I can’t imagine Tom Riddle would find this anything but completely obnoxious and a waste of his time.

Now, part of this goes into headcanon land, but I have always imagined, 100%, that Tom Riddle in Hogwarts was treated like a muggleborn, that he didn’t find out his ancestry until at least part of the way through, and he never confessed to being the Heir of Slytherin. I can back this up, but that’s another story for another day, I’ll just say that no matter what Dumbledore says any other backdrop makes no damn sense.

So, Tom has clawed the respect of his peers into reality with bleeding hands, he came from nothing in a way that even the ‘good’ purebloods wouldn’t have sympathy for. Even the muggleborns I imagine thought they were better than him. Tom is an impoverished orphan, so poor he has to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays, he was not having a fun time at school.

Tom has ambitions, is mired in hatred, and is not really all that wrapped up in Hogwarts except to get him where he wants to go.

Now, imagine Hermione suddenly shows up in front of this Tom. Suddenly he’s being challenged to essay competitions, she probably leaves cryptic remarks all the time about how evil he is and how amazing she is because she’s not evil and smarter than he is, and if he thinks he’s smarter than her then he better find time to prove it.

It’s like talking to a Dumbledore he can never escape from.

Tom doesn’t have time for this bullshit.

Tomione not only insists that he does but that he lives for this bullshit. Forget Voldemort, Hermione making weird comments about how Tom has a mutilated soul, or that Dumbledore is so much cooler than he is, is where it’s at. 

As for Hermione, ultimately, I don’t think she’d ever really be attracted to Tom Riddle because he’s too much competition. The guys we’ve seen Hermione with are all safely much dumber than she is, Hermione likes being in relationships with men she feels in some way better than. Tom Riddle is not that guy. 

Add on top of this that Hermione’s righteousness would never allow her to even think about dating someone like Tom and we get her, at best, trying for the sake of destroying him (if she seduces Tom then she destroys Voldemort!) but ultimately failing.

Because the thing is, circling back to where we started, there are different kinds of intelligence, different levels of intelligence, and intelligence alone isn’t a reason to get along. Smart people might gravitate towards smart people, but they still have to have compatible personalities. Reading books isn’t magical glue that can bind people together.

No matter what way I look at it, Hermione and Tom would absolutely loathe one another in every capacity. 

Hermione ends up back in time accidentally and goes to Tom with Hogwarts: utter loathing.

Hermione ends up back in time on purpose and tries to save Tom’s troubled soul or else murder the shit out of him: utter loathing with an extra dash of “what the fuck?!” on Tom’s end.

Hermione ends up back in time after Hogwarts when Tom’s a store clerk: utter loathing (Hermione walks into Tom’s shop to tell him how cool and interesting she is to enter into the typical Tomione mind games, all Tom wants is commission.)

Hermione enters into deals with devils with the horcruxes: utter loathing complete with Tom’s triumphant/Nelson laugh when he inevitably betrays her to get his own body.

A young Tom Riddle somehow winds up in the future and is forced to attend Hogwarts because Dumbledore does what he wants: utter loathing (Tom has to sit there and enjoy Harry and especially Hermione telling him how evil he is and how Hermione’s so much smarter than him because she’s muggleborn and reads books.)

Lord Voldemort takes Hermione hostage during the horcrux hunt: utter loathing (though this would be sadly less irritating to Tom than the others, I imagine, if only because Hermione would probably be more terrified and less righteous. But she’d hate him with the fire of a thousand suns and inevitably pull a horrific revenge scheme on either him or his Death Eaters. No one crosses Hermione. No one.)

You name it, I think it’s going to end with the pair hurling chairs at each other and just being completely and utterly uninterested in every capacity. 

Now, onto how Tomione is typically written, which just makes it so much worse.

Tomione Fics Breed Awful: Change My Mind

Tomione, to me, is born from a few things. It’s born from the author’s desire to have an intelligent, female, borderline SI lead and to shove her together with another edgy smart person with some degree of a bad boy persona.

In this way Tomione fics are very similar to Snape/Hermione fics, are similar to Lokane from Thor/Avengers, are similar to Zutara back in the earlier seasons of Avatar the Last Airbender, etc. 

As a result the fics almost invariably spiral into: “Hermione is so smart, she’s so much smarter than everyone else, she impresses Tom because she is so smart. Tom is so smart but so evil, he sexy growls at her, and confesses how much he hates love every other chapter.” 

Only, as I noted above, while there are many interpretations of Tom’s character (and mine certainly doesn’t agree with the vast majority) I can’t help but think every single version would hate her.

To make him not hate her the author will often turn him into one of two Tom Riddles: Emotionally Deficient Robot Tom or Growling Sexy Sociopath Tom. Emotionally Deficient Robot Tom will often have paragraph long tangents to remind us he doesn’t compute your human emotions, “Beep boop” but despite this Hermione’s out of control hair makes him feel urges “bloop bloop”. Growling sexy sociopath Tom usually goes on a rant about how love is beneath him, backs Hermione into broom closets, and growls as he sexily makes out with her in a non-romantic manner because “ew love”. 

In other words, Tom is made an unbelievably flat character. He becomes a base archetype of sexy villain character. He never really gets redeemed, even if the story insists he does, he usually doesn’t have a reason for the way he is (”um, love potions!” the author often cries), and he and Hermione always think they’re much more important than they are.

The story rarely, if ever, goes anywhere because the entire point of the story is mind games between two sixteen-year-olds who think they’re smarter than everyone else. So we get a lot of chapters of Hermione and Tom running around, being very clever to each other, but doing nothing.

Sometimes authors do deviate from this, we will have an actual plot where we’re not just in Hogwarts again or it’s not just centering on ridiculous mind games. However, even then, Tom is usually is some variant of a very flat cartoon villain while Hermione is... Well, one would think the way she’s described that she’s the smartest, best, most beautiful, most brilliant thing to ever grace this earth.

TL;DR

Tomione is not my jam.

[20xbetterthanu]

I posted 8,001 times in 2021

1897 posts created (24%)

6104 posts reblogged (76%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.2 posts.

I added 759 tags in 2021

#fanfiction - 133 posts

#glee - 110 posts

#ally's ramblings - 86 posts

#darren criss - 78 posts

#klaine - 78 posts

#glee gifs - 71 posts

#ask game - 61 posts

#ask - 58 posts

#revolutionary - 46 posts

#kurt hummel - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#have woken up in the early morning just to write and post new chapters when my hands are shaking violently (they shake in the mornings)

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

-how much dough did he spend?-

special thanks to @neversatisfiedwithlife who none of these would have been good without

119 notes • Posted 2021-05-05 01:18:12 GMT

#4

-pretty in pink-

129 notes • Posted 2021-05-08 15:11:45 GMT

#3

very few things make me feel the way broadway mental breakdowns make me feel. they're so emotional like: you lied to this boy's family and they finally found out and you can't explain why you did it? you're pregnant with your abusive husband's baby and in love with your gynecologist? your boyfriend got taken away and turned into a scarecrow? you decided to tell the world about your affair that you literally paid money for? your daughter turned into a stripper and acts like she doesn't need you anymore? you were sucking your ex's dick while he was driving and he crashed into a short bus full of children and stole all of your music to get famous? you wrote a graphic essay about sex and got a girl pregnant and got caught? your boyfriend is crazy and after murdering one of your friends and two football players he tries to blow up the school? your best friend left you behind and now you're hiding in the bathroom having a panic attack?

and you're singing????

313 notes • Posted 2021-10-07 18:44:28 GMT

#2

I swear cops kill us and then say it was our fault because we resisted or we ran away or we didn't comply. Why would we comply, why wouldn't we resist or run? You're trained to kill. You shoot to kill. You say its our fault. But you break into the wrong houses and shoot us in our sleep. You keep your knee on our neck for nine minutes. You "accidentally" pull out your gun instead of your fucking tazer. You choke us out, ignore us when we tell you we can't breathe. And if you don't kill us, you might beat us. If you don't kill us, we're still going to prison for God knows how fucking long for a sack of weed. 

You expect us to trust you when you drive around our neighborhoods just watching, like we're committing a crime by existing. You expect us to trust you when you snatch our brothers and sons and fathers away from us, when we can't walk down the street without being asked what we're doing, where are we going, is that weed or a cigarette? When we put our hands up but you still shoot. Why would we trust you? 

How are we supposed to survive when there's a bright red target painted on our backs, when we're always gonna be just another criminal, just another hood-rat, just another lost cause, just another angry black woman, just another nigga to you? When shooting us is so fucking easy, and you can get away with it? How many names are there? How many of us have you taken away because we resisted or we ran or we didn't comply because either way our lives were in danger? 

How would you feel, Officer, if you couldn't survive without bowing down to a system that was built against you in a country that doesn't respect you because of something you had no control over? How would you feel if your leaders were shot down or incarcerated because they wanted change? How would you feel if you had to grow up knowing that any day your child could go outside and never come back home, because he was black?

But I guess its our fault, right?

Yeah.

393 notes • Posted 2021-04-13 15:54:37 GMT

#1

just a fucking reminder that trans women of color were at the frontlines of the LGBTQ+ movement, that they fought just as hard, if not harder, for everyone to have their rights, that they were and still are murdered in cold blood for being themselves.

just a fucking reminder to not erase them from history, to not pretend like being trans and gnc is just a white people thing, to remember our sisters and mothers of the movement, because we would not be here without them, would not have come this far without them, would be lost without them.

Just a fucking reminder.

1383 notes • Posted 2021-06-29 17:48:26 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #447-448

(one from yesterday, one from v early this morning)

How did you and the last person you kissed start talking? By both being meerkat RPers on YT back in the day. Do you think someone is falling in love with you? Definitely not. Do you have a bad temper? Nah. What was the last song you listened to? SOBS "Suteki Da Ne" from FFX. If your mom was a teacher, would you want to be in her class? Hell yeah. She actually has been my substitute teacher before, as she worked at my elementary school with the special ed kids. Are you comfortable with people going through your phone? No. I have nothing to hide on there at all, but still... I just don't like it. Do you really care about what toothpaste you use? So long as it's mint-flavored, no, I don't care. Would you like it if the whole world spoke one language? I mean, I think it's pretty inarguable that that would be a beneficial thing. For all humans to understand each other, like in dire situations where information needs to be brought across. However, I don't believe we should actually try to change that now with so many languages already developed. That would be way, way too big a task and not that important. Would mind-reading really be a blessing or a curse? I'd find it more to be a curse. Would you ever get a pet turtle? Why or why not? Nah. They just don't interest me as pets. Do you tend to daydream a lot? If so, about what? Yeah. .-. About a lot of stuff... How I want my future to be, things I wish would happen, how I'd change past errors... What shop/store/brand would you model for, if given the choice? I would 110% model for Cloak if for whatever miraculous reason they wanted me to because a bitch supports her favorite human asdkfajkwle. I'd totally do some goth modelling for Rebel's Market, too. Do you actually read your friend’s surveys, or do you just copy and paste them and fill them out yourself? I read my friends' answers, yes. I like learning obscure things about them. Which is your favorite episode of I Love Lucy? Bar none, the "Vitameatavegamin" one. It's fucking hilarious, man. I love that show. Do you consider yourself a deep thinker? WAY too deep. Name two people who you are closest with? My mom and Sara. Which one of those two people would you eat first, if you were starving? Neither. I would absolutely rather die. No one cares whether or not you believe in love at first sight… but, do you believe in hate at first sight? Well, let's be real. If you witnessed someone being abused or raped or something like that, wouldn't YOU hate the villain immediately? I sure as hell would. When you were a kid, which comic strip was your favorite? I didn't care for those. How do you feel about fake plants? They can look good, they can look tacky, and they make great additions to some animal enclosures, like reptiles and bugs, for cover and new textures. Does it make you uncomfortable when people ask you your shoe size? Er, no? Would you feel guilty about cheating on your taxes if you got away with it? Yes. I tend to have a guilty conscience. Are you happy with your weight? NO. Do you go to church? If so, do you actually pay attention? No. When I was forced to go as a kid, I never paid attention. As a very young adult when I super rarely went, I would try to, but my attention definitely wavered. Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced? Tongue, if it just didn't damage my damn teeth. :( I miss my snake eyes. Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? It's very embarrassing, but yes. A few years ago, I had this very strange period of premature incontinence when I slept. I had to be put on some medication and a schedule to wake up in the night to use the bathroom. It oddly just... vanished as randomly as it started. Had any surgeries? What kind? I had tubes put in my ears as a baby, and then at the start of 2017 (I think), I had to have a cyst removed from my butt. :^) Ever told your parents you hated them? I've told Dad that, yes. Are you sober? Yeah. Do you have a crazy side? Not really, no. I'm boring. Do you have siblings over the age of 18? All of my siblings are. Do you think that downloading music illegally is immoral? Yes, and yet... I do it anyway. :x Have you ever sworn at a policeman/woman/cop? No. How far do you agree that the mother is more important in a child’s life than the father? I Don't agree with that. Would you ever let one of your children enter a beauty pageant? If they were old enough to make their own decisions, I'd have no say. But as a little kid, no. I do not support those damn things. What was your favorite Pokemon as a child? Charmander! :') Do you have a favorite name? What is it? Alessandra. It's so beautiful. What was the topic of the last assignment/essay you wrote? Toxic masculinity. I got SO into that essay. What’s your favorite type of juice? Probably peach mango. What was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn? LATIN. Like holy shit. What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole. What kind of cookie is your favorite? Chocolate chip. What would you do if your ex contacted you? I would just be... so happy. But also scared of where it would lead. What age would you like to have a child? No age, because I never want any. Are your parents wealthy? Definitely not. My dad SEEMS decently well-off, but he is most certainly not rich. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. Your ex tells you they want you back, what do you say/do? I know I'd say yes, very quickly. -_- Do you know anyone that smokes weed? More like she's addicted to it. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile? Oh, that's Mark for sure, ha ha. Especially if he's laughing. It's game over for me if he's laughing. What’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy? Don't even fucking @ me, I love the emo hair swoop alskdfjalkwje;kjrwklejarwe Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? Roman. What have you been up to today? Anything interesting? The only thing I've done today that deviates from my normal routine is I had to get blood drawn for some tests for my upcoming check-up. I don't know what was up with that needle, but it hurt this time. Are you the type of person to dwell on the past? I live there. Did your grandparents teach you anything? Not really, no... besides being old-fashioned is not an excuse for being an uptight... er... this answer is so mean, given the grandmother I'm talking about is dead, oof. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? I wanted one... but I don't have one and never will. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're mega cute. Who do you think about most constantly? Why? Anyone who reads these can answer that very, very easily. Have you ever considered yourself to be something other than heterosexual? Yeah; I'm either bi or pan. I think pansexual as of very recently, but for simplicity's sake and also for almost all of my family to not think I'm crazy, I really just say bisexual. Have you ever been in love? With who? Yes; Jason and Sara. Dolphins, whales, sharks, or narwhals? Dolphins or whales. Have you ever gotten anything amputated? No. Have you ever tied your tooth to a door to lose it? No. What do you do on the computer? Oh jeez... I'm pretty much, well, always on the computer, so I do a whole lot. I watch/listen to YouTube, write, clean out my dA notifications and browse artwork, scroll through Facebook, play World of Warcraft, edit the Silent Hill wiki, do way too many surveys, talk to Sara on Discord... Anything your parents should know about? No. Do you have a life? It sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I do nothing noteworthy. Do you have a microphone on your computer? It's built-in, but it doesn't work. Does your mouse light up? Yeah; red normally, blue when it's charging. Then it's also purple sometimes??? I have no idea what it means. Were you ever physically abused? No. Verbally? No. Sexually? No. Do your teachers like you? Not to brag or anything, but all my teachers loved me. Do your parents like you? I know they love me. Do your siblings like you? I don't feel like they do half the time. :/ It's my own fault for not knowing how the fuck to interact with them. Did you have a tail when you were born? At first I saw this question and was confused as shit, but then I remembered this was actually a thing, ha ha. But no, I wasn't. Do you enjoy school? I hated it. Are you shallow? No. Greedy? I don't think so, no. It feels good to share. Do you have a piercing in an inappropriate spot on your body? No. A tattoo? Well, I have a tattoo over my heart, so it's on my breast, if you wanna count that? Are you stubborn? God, am I. Are you incestuous? Fuck no. Do you respect your body? Meh... Yes in some ways, in other ways no. Have you ever been to therapy? Did you like it? I've been in therapy for most of my life, and yes, I find it helpful. Have you ever used Duolingo to learn another language? No. Are you unhappy at the moment? Yes. I usually am. Do you have any gay friends? Yes. Have you ever watched iCarly? Yeah, I used to enjoy it. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Dory. What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? This survey, actually. It's how I format it and save my progress. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Drawing. :/ Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah; when Sara and I were together and I went up to visit her, we had a breakfast date once. :') Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions? Yeah. I hold a lot of nostalgia in many items. What sort of games do you like to play? Horror and fantasy, mainly. They need a story, too, and I ESPECIALLY enjoy games with multiple endings. Then I also play WoW, which is an MMORPG. Do you know anyone who is deaf? No. Have you ever been married? Nope. What is your favorite thing to dip fries in? Ketchup. Do you still talk to anyone you went to high school with? Just Girt, really. Have you ever had to dispute a charge on your credit card? I've never had my own credit card. Quick! Choose pink or purple. Pink, duh. What's your favorite book genre? Fantasy. Would you say you’re generally fit and healthy? Why/why not? No. :/ I'm trying to change that though by going to the gym. Would you ever want a job working with animals? My main aspiration is to be a wildlife photographer, if that counts? Sara also wants to be a ball python breeder, and we talk all the time about it and how I'd love to be like an assistant and help with my own future snakes. Most recently, I will definitely have to have experience with them as pets first and see if I can handle it, but I've considered breeding tarantulas on the side. The hobby could ALWAYS use more breeders to prevent wild-caught specimens being taken from the wild, and it would help lower their prices. I've gotten so passionate about those furry bastards that I would really enjoy helping out with that. Do you believe in your horoscope? Even if you don’t, do you still read it? Not at all. I don't, because it feels like a waste of time if I don't even believe in it. If a couple is married, do you think there should be any legal punishment if one person cheats? No... I am firmly against cheating, but that sounds extreme. Do you enjoy Tim Burton films? Which one is your favorite? Of course! My favorite is Corpse Bride.

-------

Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was for fun. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush(es) assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? No, honestly. He really doesn't like seeing people not pursuing their utmost potential, and, uhhhh, look at me, lol. I'm in no way good enough for that god of a human being lmao. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I still have them. I only have two, and my mouth has enough room for them. Do you wish you were taller or shorter? My height's fine. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Food Lion. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. I quit way too early for that to ever happen. .-. What poster is hanging closest to you? My big Metallica one. Which cuisine do you like the least? I honestly haven't experimented enough with foreign foods to decide on one specific cuisine I really don't like as a whole. Are there any foods you dislike because of the texture? There are A LOT. I am very, very sensitive to textures. Which type of chocolate do you like best? Milk chocolate. Do you let your pets sleep in your bed? Absolutely. Well, obviously not my snake Venus, but Roman? Yes. This is his house, too, and he deserves a comfy space to sleep. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands? I don't have one. Have you ever made sun tea? I have no idea what that is. Do you prefer powdered or liquid coffee creamer? I don't like coffee. Did your school have somewhere for girls to get emergency pads/tampons? Yes. Do you think they should make a movie about Hatshepsut? Now here's a question I haven't heard before, ha ha. I actually think that would be quite interesting and certainly empowering to women. Do you like to go to the movies alone? I actually did that for the Warcraft movie, and it was pretty chill. I prefer going with others, though. Have you ever dried down any flowers to keep them? No. What is your favorite thing that you have made by yourself? Probably my Pyramid Head/Halo of the Sun drawing. I worked my ass off on that, and I love how it came out. Do you like using clay and/or peel-off masks for skincare? I don't use those specifically, no. Have you ever made a pillow out of an old T-shirt? No. If you want to be cremated, do you want your ashes scattered anywhere? I haven't really thought of this, but I know I want them to be scattered somewhere. I don't wanna be cremated and have no lineage to cherish the ashes so I just end up thrown away or scattered in someone's backyard or something like that. I guess the desert would be pretty cool, if it was one with meerkats. Would you ever have a deceased pet stuffed? No. I have mixed feelings on taxidermy, but doing that to your pet just... seems wrong somehow. Like I feel that there'd be an unhealthy attachment to a dead body, and it feels like you're not allowing your beloved pet to truly, fully rest. Even if there is nothing beyond death, it's just a respect thing to me. Would you ever have a pet cremated? Teddy was cremated, yes. I WANTED to cremate my first ball python and Chinese water dragon, and both were in the freezer for a long time, but it just... never happened. It's not cheap. Mom also had Cali (her dog) cremated, but didn't keep the ashes herself because of it, once again, being expensive. Personal cremation costs more than a group one. Do you believe in the existence of parallel universes? Nah. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Collect anything? Any and all meerkat stuff and Silent Hill merchandise. Can you stick your fist in your mouth? ... I'm not about to try that. When was the last time you were high on anything? Never. Ever had a bloody nose? Yes. Have you ever caught a fish? Yes. Ever been up a mountain? Ugh, I wish! What are you listening to right now? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Do you have any birthmarks? Yeah; it's on my right forearm, near the elbow. Have you ever been slapped? I've been spanked and slapped on the arm by my mother when I was younger. And sometimes not so young. What do you want pierced? My collarbones, nostril, way more in my ears, and possibly my back dimples if I shrink down to a size where you can actually SEE them clearly... Do you like taking pictures? Of nature and animals. Sometimes people. Do you like getting your picture taken? Hell no. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Do you have your own pool? No. What do you want a tattoo of? You're asking someone who wants to be COVERED in tats, ha ha. I have a billion ideas. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Nah. Have you ever been chased by cops? No. Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly? OH FUCK NO. What about cleavage? I wear tank tops more than anything, so some. What theme does your room have? It doesn't have one. Do you like cows? Awwww, I love cows. :') <3 Which slow animal is your favorite? Sloth, turtle, or snail? Turtles aren't that slow; it's tortoises you're thinking about, so I'll consider them instead. Regardless, I think I find snails the cutest. If you had to create an app, what would it be for? I have zero clue. What is one television finale where you were upset with how it ended? I don't know. Other than mandatory lockdowns, have you had to quarantine at all for CoVid? No. What steps would you take in order to track down a thief? ... Not many, tbh, given JUST how afraid of confrontation I am, ha ha. What is something that one of your family member collects? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes sports stuff. What are some questions that you would ask your favorite celebrity? I've... never thought of this, believe it or not. I'd be too busy blubbering about how important he is to me and thanking him for everything he's ever done alskdjfkla;wje Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Yes. That was very, very rare, though. Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? If there was a 1% chance of half an inch of snow. :^) Everyone flips their shit here when that happens. Also, hurricanes. What types of transportation do you think we will see in the future? Besides possibly flying cars, idk. Which freaks you out more - clowns or porcelain dolls? aklsdjflajdsALSKDFJA;LWJE D O L L S. Porcelain dolls creep me out, man. Do you like salami? Yeah. Do you know your mum's first pet's name? I actually don't, no. Do you like car racing? No. I think it's stupid, honestly. People can get and have gotten seriously hurt, or worse. Who hugs you the most often? My niece and nephew, probably. Has your favorite actor ever been stuck to a project you dreaded watching (e.g., stuck on a bad TV show for years)? No. When you were a child did you wish you were named something else? What sort of fantasy life did you imagine for yourself if you’d only had this other better name? Bro I shit you not, I wanted to change my name to "Dory" because of Finding Nemo, lmao. I never thought about how my life would be different, though. Are you a plant person? How do you feel about the trend of owning many, many houseplants? Nah, plant maintenance isn't for me. I don't care how many plants you own so long as you care for them. It seems pointless to buy plants and just neglect them. What are you sick of hearing about? Anti-vax bullshit. Do you wish that you had more followers on any platform? Do you even pay attention to how many likes/comments/followers you have? The only places I really care about that are my photography Facebook page and deviantART because ffs I TRY to make progress as a photographer lasdkfj;lawe but neither move very fast at all. Are you currently working on an art project? No. :/ I need to draw something for once. If applicable, what color are you planning to dye your hair next? I have three in mind: lilac, pastel pink, or silver. Do you have a sibling who looks like your twin? No. My older and younger sister look remarkably similar, though. People have confused them a lot. Do you think you'd make a good actor or actress? God no, I'd feel far too awkward. Do you believe you have a lot of potential? Ugh, I don't know, dude. Would you like to be rich and own a vacation home? Who wouldn't? Have you ever walked through a labyrinth? No. What eyeshadow color do you think looks best on you? Black. I only wear black. Do you shop in the girls, juniors, or women's section at the store? Women's. Do you play video games? I haven't played a game other than WoW in a long time. :/ I only have a PS2 and Wii, and most of the games I want to play are for newer generation consoles. Is your house more than two stories tall? It's not even two stories. Have you ever had the flu? No. *knocks on wood* Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No. I want tons of tats, but that sure isn't one of 'em. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. I'm one of those people that wants to eat right when I wake up. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Alaska, Utah, Wyoming, and some southwestern state where I can visit the desert and maybe see wild tarantulas. Countries: South Africa, Germany, Canada, and uhhhh idk. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? No? Hugs can just be a friendly gesture. They don't have to have underlying romantic implications. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? Oh man, snowy days were the epitome of joy when I was a kid. The #1 thing I wanted to do was make a snowman with Dad and my sisters if the snow was the right texture to pack. We loved snowball fights, making snow angels, watching the cats play... and you CAN'T forget making sugary snow cream. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? No one that does hard drugs now, no. I honestly don't know how I'd respond to wanting to befriend a hardcore druggie... Like I'm totally aware drug addicts are not innately bad people, but it can be dangerous to associate with them. So idk. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? Yes. I do NOT like being in hospitals. I've never been treated badly in one or anything, but I just have way, way too many ER memories from being suicidal and just stripped of everything that could somehow be interpreted as a "danger." Even books had to be approved. Technology of all kinds, forbidden. All I did was sleep on that godawful bed and wish I was dead. But I'm rambling; point is, I really don't like any health care establishment just because of negative memories. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? No. We just don't. I wouldn't be opposed to knowing what he's up to. What do you like most about your favorite animal? Their loyalty and bravery are purely astonishing. Do you need a job? Yes. I'm a leech in my house. I serve no financial purpose to assist my mom in paying bills and all of that. I'm a full-grown adult that should be benefiting humanity. Who do you love the most in your life? My mom, cat, and best friend probably top the list. What is your mom doing right now? I hope she's asleep, but she tends to sleep very badly and is frequently tossing and turning around this time. Where does she work? She's on disability. For the type of cancer she had, she automatically got it with her diagnosis. It's recently been a year since her last chemo session, but let me tell you from witnessing it: It takes A LOT out of you. It was actually torturous for her. She's still regaining her strength and healing before she can wisely get another job. Do you have Netflix? Yeah. What was the last thing you quit doing? I don't know. Have you ever read a book that changed your life? No. Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Sara, if through text counts. Have you ever taken Xanax before? Yes; I was prescribed it for quite a while. Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? Try both, buddy.

[primelle]

i’m bored in class and this site is the only thing bringing me serotonin lately so here are what my OCs are like in school. (btw, these aren’t their real names, just stupid replacements.) tag yourself.

nutella: takes no notes. writes only in pen, even in math. pulls the best grades. always has the correct answer when called on, usually with added snark. dark coffee every morning, but will always bring you one if you ask, no charge. straightforward math student, kills every test without sweat. hates working in groups, but has singlehandedly saved grades by just taking over.

buzzard: near textbook level note system, online and physical, and will always give them to you upon asking. stays behind every class for extra conversation with the teacher. history student 10/10. will lead a group without even asking. pulls great grades because he’s the only one that goes 110% through the entire semester. enthusiastically is part of student council and easily beats all of his competition for school president, not because he’s popular (which he is) but also just because he really is just that nice.

sammie: notes are eclectic and can only be read by her, but definitely help her study. pulls good grades, only due to an absolute insanity period during finals. always will help other students, even if she has no clue what she’s doing. in groups, she loves delegating but never calls herself the leader. english classes, specifically analysis, discussion, (socratic seminars) and essays, are her bitch.

mickey: are those notes or just doodles I can’t tell but I’m too sacred to ask. is a part of the class groupchat but only texts to warn about a pop quiz literally nobody else knew about. where the hell she gets this secret information, nobody knows, but she is always right. seems to live in the science lab. is somehow leading the class average but nobody even realized she was in the class?? in groups, always has earphones in but somehow still records everyone’s notes and work.

ruby: notes with little pastel colors but illegibile handwriting because she takes the time to add highlighter but not the actual lecture. loves loves loves art, or anything she can do with her hands tbh. always has a stick of gum and gives away far more than she chews. will come into office hours with a teacher and leave a signed thank you note as she leaves. (who does that?) in groups, will not speak up until somebody gives her a job and then she dedicates herself whole heartedly.

jamie: is never in class because he does like five school sports and nobody minds because he’s freakishly good at them. is always around at lunch, talking with everybody and anybody since everyone on campus knows him. will give you any of his lunch if he notices you even looking at it. volunteers in class, even though he definitley doesn’t know the answer, just so the teacher isn’t left hanging. need I even say he’s a PE student? in groups, he always supports the leader and pitches in wherever a himbo can be of use. calls teachers by literally anything except their formal names.

gosh this was fun, I’m so going to do more of these.